Chapter Text
Balls! It was cold outside. If he hadn't been wearing the thermal-heat trapping pants he invented back in early high-skool for winter paranormal stake-outs, Dib would have been much more concerned about that particular part of his anatomy. Even with the long thick winter version of his trench coat (also lined with the heat trapping material), thick wool socks and heavy boots, winter gloves, black scarf, black hat; he was still freezing. He would have taken his car, but it was currently snowing heavily and there was a parking ban on all the streets and Zim’s house only had street parking.
He never noticed before it became inconvenient that Zim's house had neither a garage nor driveway. Of course this had only become a problem in the winter after their enemy relationship shifted to stalemate, then to tolerant, then reluctant truce, then neutral parties, then occasional allies and now—according to Zim—master and slave, though Dib referred to their odd relationship as something akin to friends. He'd never really had any before so he had nothing to compare it to, but being able to spend extended amounts of time together without having to repress murderous impulses and occasionally seeking out each others' company counted as besties in Dib's book.
Which was why he was trudging through a blizzard instead of holed up warm and cozy in his room reading the latest articles in the Swollen Eyeball archives. His dear friend had insisted that he come over to his house to witness some grand...thing... he had created. Zim would also not accept the excuse “Zim, it's balls cold outside. Can't you just show me now?” as an answer. Apparently, video chat wasn't superior enough and Dib's presence was required in-person.
So here he was, trudging along the sidewalk up to Zim's front door. He punched the doorbell as his cold frozen fingers were unable to move. Dib stood shivering on the doorstep. This was also part of their weird friend-thingy. Dib used the doorbell now, instead of breaking into Zim's house. Sometimes (like now apparently) Zim would stand on the other side of the door, waiting, testing him to see if impatience would make Dib break their truce. Zim was always testing him in weird ways like that. He didn't need to, Dib had no intentions of breaking their truce. He had no desire to go back to the way things were. He felt incredibly old thinking this (even though he was only twenty-seven) but he didn't have as much energy as he did when he was young. He couldn't spend all night chasing Zim around and then be a functioning human being the next day with no sleep.
Besides, he wouldn't be allowed in the lab anymore if things went back to the way they were and he greatly preferred pulling all-nighters working on a project with Zim either to improve his base or update his tech. Some nights Zim would even let him crash in the makeshift room Dib made for himself there. It had been a storage closet with nothing in it but Gir's forgotten plushies, but with a futon Dib had the computer build and some blankets and pillows from his apartment it made a nice nap room. Dib planned to spend the rest of the night there as he was not going to go back home in this cold again. Zim owed him that much at least.
And it would be nice to spend X-mas eve with another living thing for once. Dib tried keeping plants at his apartment, but apparently he had a black thumb and even the sturdiest of plants died in his care. His dad had stopped calling them on X-mas when they reached high-skool, by that point even Gaz had given up on getting their father to spend more time with them. As far as Professor Membrane was concerned his children were self-sufficient and had the basics to live by. They didn't need him, but the world and SCIENCE did.
When Gaz graduated High-Skool she went off to some college specializing in gaming design all the way across the country out in California and then after graduating was offered a job from her internship. She was well on her way to becoming a leading game designer in the most well-known company in her field. Dib was happy for her and he e-mailed her occasionally. The more distance between them, the better their relationship became. Sometimes she even e-mailed him back with updates in her life.
Dib couldn't complain either. He became a prominent member in among the Swollen Eyeballs, of course that was just his hobby. They didn't pay him, but that did get him some great connections in the paranormal community and he did some private work for people investigating off occurrences and helping the police with weird cases. Most of the time it had nothing to do with the paranormal, but it did give him great material for his book series. His experiences growing up were a great basis for a young adult novel series that started as a project for an English class he had to take in college. He'd been so obsessed with truth when he was young that it never occurred to him to write anything fictional, but he surprised himself and his peers with his writings.
Not to brag or anything, but he was a great writer and it was sort of cathartic to create a world in which all the things be believed to be real and knew to be real were just as real to the characters in his story. The main character was smart-mouthed, passionate and a magnet for disaster, but somehow always managed to come out on top in the end. Miz, or Mizzy was her name, he couldn't think of how he'd thought of it but it seemed right. Mizzy the paranormal problem solver in a world where the things that went bump in the night were real as the kids in her class, because they were the kids in her class.
He was working on book seven currently and had a scheduled book signing in a few weeks that his agent said was a super big deal and that he couldn’t weasel his way out of this one. Dib wasn't too familiar with the politics of the writing world, he just wrote the books and sent them to his agent. She did the rest of the work and always did a great job with all the detail stuff he had no interest in. He also did restaurant and venue reviews with her same agency. In all Dib was content in his life writing his books, articles, working occasionally with the Swollen Eyeballs and stopping his only friend from blowing up himself and everything else around him whenever a 'great new idea' came to him.
Dib knew something happened to Zim sometime in middle skool, something that changed things between them, that allowed for this shift to take place. Zim suddenly stopped trying to take over the planet, in fact for a while he didn't do much of anything. Dib never pried too much into it. Why look a gift horse in the mouth? Eventually, Dib noticed Zim focusing less on conquering Earth and more on making Dib's life a living-hell.
That continued into late middle skool, until Dib (and all the other kids) hit their growth spurts and Zim stayed pretty much the same height, he gained maybe a foot and stood now at a solid four feet tall. Zim became extremely hostile for about a year and his efforts to kill and/or maim Dib doubled, but as Dib got older he could see Zim's patterns better and avoided a lot more of Zim's 'deadly' plans. It was then that the real shift began. Zim realized that his plans weren't working, but he also noticed Dib's lack of retaliation.
After that last time he went to the crazy house in early Hi-Skool, Dib stopped trying to expose Zim, he realized a lot about himself in that visit and shortly after leaving he went through his ‘phase’. In truth, Dib tried to avoid Zim like the plague for a short time during his 'phase'. After his 'phase' was over, Dib was able to somewhat interact with Zim without getting into insane fights or having unwanted reactions. It wasn't too long after that, Zim realized Dib had stopped trying to expose his identity to everyone and they shifted into their first understanding between each other. Dib's wouldn't be the boy that cried alien and Zim wouldn't try to kill him. From there it eventually evolved into their odd friendship today.
“Zim!” Dib called out, his breath forming puffs of white. “I know you're there, let me in. I'm freezing my balls off out here.”
The door opened and there stood Zim. Dib shuffled past him stomping off the snow from his boots on the mat in front of Zim's door as the small invader closed it. Zim gave him one of his classic looks, one eye squinted as he scrutinized the human slowly unthawing in his living room.
“Where are these 'balls' you always speak of. Zim sees no spherical objects on the Dib,” he squinted and peered up at Dib. “Oh, Zim sees them,” he scoffed and flipped his hand in a shooing motion. “Stupid humans and their inferior eyes. It is stupid that they will fall off simply because the temperature is a little low.”
“A little low?” Dib scoffed as he stuffed his gloves into his pocket, then before Zim could react he placed his freezing cold fingers against Zim's cheek. Dib was rewarded with a shriek as Zim jumped away and rubbed furiously at his face. Dib chuckled and shrugged out of his coat, hanging it on a hook next to the door. A hook he knew only he ever used.
“So why am I here?—I'm staying the night by the way.”
“Yes, yes, Zim expected you to,” Zim said waving away Dib's demands and marching over into the kitchen. “Come, Dib-thing, and I will show you my genius and you will be AMAZED!” he shouted throwing his hands up in the air.
Dib grabbed the hand that—fully extended—would just be able to reach his head. “Is this another weasel experiment?” he asked more than a little concerned. The last one had ended up with Dib rushing over to the hospital to get a rabies shot. It had not been a fun experience.
Zim tugged back his hand and scowled. “How was I to know that humans could catch insanity from a mere animal bite? If I had only known that before...” Zim mumbled the last to himself and trailed off muttering grumpily under his breath. He stepped into the fridge elevator and scooted over to make room for Dib. Once inside the small and cramped space the door closed, almost squishing them as usual. “Computer,” Zim barked. “To the lab.”
“Fine,” the computer droned on as the elevator descended.
It was a short ride to the lab and Zim marched out proudly, not waiting to see if Dib would follow. It took Dib a moment more to exit the cramped space but he followed after Zim as they made their way to the back of the lab. Zim stopped in front of a large cylindrical and upright egg-shaped pod. Numerous wires, tubes and a hundred other connections ran from the top of the egg-pod up into the ceiling of the lab. Zim turned and, grinning widely, gestured to the pod.
“Be AMAZED!” He said in his loud and very distinctive voice. “This is the Entallerator. I made it myself,” he said planting his hands behind his back and puffing up his chest.
Dib eyed the machine with a critical eye, “What does it do?”
Zim scoffed as if Dib just asked the stupidest of questions. “Stupid worm-monkey, is it not obvious? With this I will finally be able to unleash my full potential!” he said throwing up his hands and laughing with glee, almost-malicious glee.
“Meaning?” Dib asked afraid of the answer.
Zim stopped laughing and gave Dib a scrutinizing look. “It will make me tall,” he said flatly, some of his enthusiasm taken away at Dib's lack of awe. “Taller than even you,” he added with a hint of a challenge in his voice. Such words would have been completely scandalous for a shorter to say to a Taller back on Irk.
“Why am I your measuring stick?” Dib asked. “I'm not even the tallest human you know.” Dib wasn't short, he was in the average-tall height, about 5'8. Hell, his agent was taller when she wore her death-spikes, which is what he called her four-inch heels. There was no way a normal human being could walk like that without snapping their ankles. Dib suspected she might have dhampire blood in her family history, she could get very scary when Dib refused too many signings.
“Because,” Zim said breaking him out of his thoughts. “You are the only human that has any worth on this horrible dirt ball,” Zim said turning to his machine and typing into the screen connected to it.
Dib found himself oddly touched by Zim's words. “Thanks, Zim,” he said sincerely.
“Eh?” Zim paused to look up at him in confusion.
“For the compliment.”
“Eh? I just insulted your entire filthy planet,” Zim said fully confused now, which made him grumpy. He turned to scowl at Dib.
“You said I was the only one with worth,” Dib pointed to himself grinning. “That means you think I have value.”
Zim continued to frown, “Yes, but it is like a pile of rocks and you are just the prettiest rock, do not flatter yourself Dib-worm, the only amazing one is--”
“--You think I'm pretty?” Dib butt in bringing his hands to his cheeks, pretending to be surprised and overwhelmed by his words. For full effect he even made his voice slightly higher.
Zim sputtered for a moment and Dib wasn't sure if the Irken was flustered or frustrated or a mix of both, but either way it was amusing to get under Zim's skin like this and he couldn't help the tiny smirk from creeping onto his face. When Zim spotted the sly smile his eyes narrowed and he glared at Dib, finally recognizing the pattern.
“You are doing the teasing thing again,” Zim said almost as a question, but more of an affirmation to himself. He didn't quite get the nuance of human interactions and while he liked being able to insult Dib all he wanted without Dib getting truly angry, he still had a hard time recognizing the teasing that was aimed at him. It had taken a lot of time and patience to explain friendly teasing to Zim. Zim still didn't see why Dib thought it was important even when he explained.
Dib never had friends growing up and Zim was the only one he could call a friend now. He'd seen others lightly tease their friends and for a while as a kid he believed all the teasing done to him was because they liked him. Somehow having a real friend with the banter back and forth made all his childhood memories hurt a little less. Zim didn't get it, but he begrudgingly accepted Dib's behavior mostly because he still liked talking down the Earth and insulting Dib. Though now there was a significantly less venom in Zim's voice and his insults were more like odd patterns of speech. Weirdly enough, Dib found all the odd add-ons to his name and the random insults Zim called him a little endearing. Dib appreciated the extra effort it took to come up with creative new word combinations to call him.
Dib shrugged, dropping the act now that he had been caught, “I can't fool you.”
“No,” Zim brightened. “I am unfoolable and amazing and soon I will be taller than you,” Zim turned back to his machine. Dib's admittance made him feel like he had won and he liked winning. “Then Zim will be the one doing the teasing,” he muttered under his breath.
Out of sight Dib grinned at his friend and causally stuck his hands into his pants’ pockets. He peered over Zim's shoulder to watch the small but fast fingers fly across the keyboard as Irken symbols sped across the screen above it. Dib could read a good amount of Irken, but the letters were going too fast for him to read properly.
“So how is this machine supposed to work? You have tested it right?” Dib asked knowing it was a very valid question as Zim rarely tested out his equipment before using them. Since Dib had started coming over and helping Zim out with his weird experiments the accidents and explosions were down about eighty percent. In fact, the lower rate of mishaps was so drastic that the computer would sometimes contact Dib on his phone and alert him to Zim's newest project just so Dib could come over asap and try to help manage any potential disaster from happening. Of course, Zim didn't know of their arrangement. Zim just found it annoying but also very convenient whenever Dib showed up 'to hang out' just as he was going to conduct an important experiment. He liked having a lab partner that wouldn't try to eat half the materials he was using.
“Yes,” Zim hissed reluctantly. He found tests annoying and time consuming. He was amazing so therefore everything he made would work amazingly as well. However, whenever Dib helped he insisted on running tests and trials and double checking the equipment, and it did cut down on the explosions and bad things that happened from errors he had not accounted for. Zim would never admit it out loud, but he was secretly glad that the human came around whenever he was working on a new and potentially dangerous project.
It seemed that the human always happened to pop up when Zim needed him. So whenever he began a new project he would take his time with preparations and pass the time telling the computer all about his new project in hopes that Dib would suddenly show up. Most of the time Dib did end up appearing. It happened so frequently that Zim was beginning to suspect that he had a weird hold over the human that would summon him when Zim needed him.
This time, however, he really had done the testing on his own. He planned on having Dib over to witness his greatness. Knowing that Dib would become stubborn and unyielding in his need to test every small detail, Zim had done all the preparations and testing before calling Dib over.
“The testing data is over there,” he waved towards an Irken tablet on one of the lab tables. Dib immediately went over and started scrolling through the data. Zim's antennae remained in a relaxed but alert position as Dib made the little noises he did when reading. Zim could tell what the Dib was thinking from even the slightest noise he made. As Zim listened he became annoyed at the small concerned sounds Dib was making. Finally, he turned around when he could tell Dib was done reading. Hands on his hips he glared challengingly at the human. “What?” he demanded to know, seeing the concern on the human's face. “My testing was flawless and the data is all there.”
Dib lowered the tablet. He was surprised. Zim really had done his homework on this, the tests and data were all done correctly and any margins for error were fixed. “There is still a twenty-five percent chance this could kill or horribly disfigure you,” Dib pointed out. “Or explode.”
“Yes? So?” Zim asked tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for Dib to get to the point he was making. They had run experiments much more dangerous than this.
“You have a one-in-four chance of dying,” Dib stressed the word. “All for what? To become taller? I know your race is big on the height thing, but why do you care? You're the only Irken on Earth, technically you are the tallest Irken on Earth already.”
“Stupid Dib-stink, if Zim made a machine that would shrink the size of your head wouldn't you want it?”
“Not if I had a one-in-four chance of dying,” Dib exasperated. “And my head is not big.”
Zim gave him a once over, “It is,” he said and turned back around. “And Zim will be tall. I'm tired of looking up at you, Dib-filth. It is Zim's turn to be tall. And it is because I am the only Irken on Earth that I can become taller. On Irk, merely talking about this kind of thing could get me executed.”
Dib let out a heavy sigh. There were some things he couldn't budge Zim on no matter what. “At least give me a moment to look over the data a bit more thoroughly. I'll see if there is any way I can improve the chances.”
“No,” Zim put in the final code. “I have done all the calculations required. I did not call you over for more tests. I want you here to witness my being a genius. You are going to be the first to see the new taller Zim. Feel honored Earth-worm.”
“Zim,” Dib pleaded, but it was too late Zim had detached his PAK and placed it on the holding shelf next to the machine. Apparently, he couldn't wear it inside. Dib shifted a few steps away and eyed it wearily, he had bad memories regarding detached PAKs. A flurry of moment caught his attention and Dib blanched at Zim's actions.
“Why are you stripping?”
Zim huffed as he pulled his tunic over his head. He'd already kicked off his boots and pulled off his gloves. Standing in his black pants, that were more like tights than pants, he raised one eye-ridge and lowered the other, giving Dib an incredulous look. “Why do you not wear the same uniform you had when you were a tiny Earth-worm baby?”
“Uhh, because it wouldn't fit?” Dib offered, feeling a bit distracted by all the exposed skin. Zim was normally clothed neck to toes (did Irkens have toes? A look down—two toes—from what he could see through the material).
“Exactly,” Zim said pulling down and stepping out of his standard-issue pants. He stood bare and un-phased in front of his once enemy. Previously Zim never would have dared to do this, leaving his superior skin so exposed to attack or Earth poison. But right now he did not fear any attack from the Dib-beast, so there was no reason to be weary. Irken bodies were perfect in every way and Zim scoffed when he found out humans could be ashamed or embarrassed of their own bodies. Gym locker room had taught him that.
He refused to change into more exposing shorts and T-shirts because it was stupid to expose skin when you knew you were going into battle. At first he had slightly, SLIGHTLY, admired the humans' ritual of exposing weaknesses to further prove their prowess in gym-battle games. However, when he discovered that it was not to show confidence for victory, but because it helped them be less smelly, Zim was appalled. Many were almost afraid of exposing themselves and not because they feared attack to their soft squishy bodies, but because they themselves knew how stupid their meat sacky bodies were. It just went to further his belief at how inferior they were. Of course, Dib never changed for gym, he knew the dangers of exposing his weaknesses to his enemy, just like Zim.
Dib stared at him with wide eyes and an odd expression. It took Zim a moment to realize why. He smirked and held himself a higher. “Take a good look, inferior Earth-monkey, this is what a superior body looks like and soon Zim will also be a Tall superior Irken. You should feel honored, Zim is giving you the privilege of seeing my new form first.”
Dib blinked, unable to look away from all the green. It was so weird seeing his enemy so...so...naked. He did have two toes and like his hands they were more like talons with pointed and sharp ends. Dib often wondered why Zim never fought him without his gloves on, as his clawed fingers ended in sharp points. Those thick gloves were probably the reason why Dib was still alive and hadn't had his guts spilled out on the street.
Zim had neither nipples nor belly button and his limbs, chest, and abs were completely smooth with no visible muscles, though Dib knew first hand how strong that tiny body was. Then there was the obvious difference, the smooth unbroken skin continued over Zim's crotch with no visible gentiles. Zim bragged about how he was a clone and made to be superior. Maybe that was true and his species had long left their reproductive organs behind in the wake of their scientific advancements. It just made Dib even more embarrassed about the 'phase' he had in his teen years.
Unfortunately, in his dazed state he hadn't been paying attention to what Zim was doing and before he could stop him, Zim stepped into the machine's chamber. The door shut and sealed tight snapping Dib out of his stupor.
“Zim!” Dib banged on the door and went over to the control panel to see about stopping this ludicrous idea. Dib heard cackling from inside as the machine started up and began humming and glowing. Dib fruitlessly typed on the panel, but it had been locked and password protected and Dib was too panicked to think clearly enough to start guessing passwords.
The evil laughter quickly turned into horrid screams of terror and pain as the humming increased and the lights grew. Dib shielded his eyes and frantically searched for a way to stop the machine. The wires connecting the machine to its power source were too high for Dib to reach. Instead, Dib found a long pipe, near a pile of destroyed parts (courtesy of Gir) and ran back over with a battle cry, lifting his pipe high above his head and aiming for the control panel.
The light spilling out from the machine became blinding and the humming increased to a screeching as parts were being used beyond their capacity. Dib ran forward, fueled by his need to save the only friend he had or would likely to ever have. His weapon came swinging down as the machine exploded, hurling him across the lab. He was painfully thrown against the wall where glass shattered at his impact and he fell to the ground. Pieces of machinery and glass fell on top of him and he hissed in pain as liquid chemicals spilled over him. He must have been thrown into Zim's chemicals storage unit which was currently broken and lying on top of him.
In the back of his mind he was worried about the effect of said chemicals dripping onto his person, but in the forefront he was just trying to move and free himself from the debris so he could get to Zim… if there was anything left of him. Pain assaulted him at every move, something had to be broken and he was too afraid to find out what. Lifting his head Dib tried to see beyond the smoke, but the explosion had thrown off his glasses and all he could see was a blur of color.
Dib tried to call out, but his lungs were gasping for air and his brain had decided that to deal with all the pain the best course of action was to go unconscious. For a moment he thought he saw a green colored blur move, but blackness engulfed him before he could confirm it.