Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shadow_Child was added to “Duck Kids”

Shadow_Child: lame

GetThatGreen: don’t lie you love us

Shadow_Child: incorrect

DeweyyyyFam: Fine, you love Webby and will pretend to love us to make her happy

Shadow_Child: Correct

SpiderWebs: !!!! <3

FollowTheMap: Absolutely sickening content on my Christian server.

Shadow_Child: im sorry, who added who to this server?

FollowTheMap: Actually, Webby’s the one who added you, we’re just along for the ride.

Shadow_Child: dont type with proper grammar like ur better than us

GetThatGreen: finally, someone else who realized how disgusting huey texting is

GetThatGreen changed FollowTheMap 's name to Nerd

Nerd: I can't believe the disrespect-

Nerd changed Nerd 's name to FollowTheMap

Shadow_Child: never thought id agree with the green one wow

GetThatGreen: wow rUde

Shadow_Child: did everyone else die

GetThatGreen: nah hueys typing a long rant and duey and webby got distracted by a cute dog on webs phone

Shadow_Child: oh no

FollowTheMap: First of all, it’s very important to always speak, or in this case type, in a manner that is clear and concise while also getting the point across the individual you are speaking tosjfkljasd;lfjdlfkj

GetThatGreen: i tackled his phone out of his hands be4 he could finish

Shadow_Child: god bless

SpiderWebs: LENA LOOK AT THIS DOG *cutedog.jpg*

Shadow_Child: cute

DeweyyyyFam: i’d die for this dog in a heartbeat

Shadow_Child: *dogsayingthenperish.jpg*

DeweyyyyFam: *guessi’lldie.jpg*

Shadow_Child: you guys actually use memes and shit this is weird

Shadow_Child: wait arent you all like nine shit

Shadow_Child: i mean heck fuck

FollowTheMap: We’re literally 14 Lena, what the fuck.

Shadow_Child: oh okay lmao

SpiderWebs: I feel like i should be offended you thought I’d expose you to nine year olds

SpiderWebs: No offense, love

Shadow_Child: thats so rude

SpiderWebs: *shrug emoji*

Shadow_Child: wait back to business why tf am i here

SpiderWebs: Because i love you??

Shadow_Child: hmmm

SpiderWebs: Because I think group chats are fun?

Shadow_Child: i guess i can accept that but i am Skeptical until further notice

DeweyyyyFam: i just realized everyone here is Big Gay

FollowTheMap: Dewey I can’t believe you would just erase my pansexuality like this

Shadow_Child: while this is all very fascinating, i have some beagle boys to beat up

Shadow_Child: later losers

SpiderWebs: stay safe ily <333 !!!!!

Shadow_Child: <3

FollowTheMap: Sickening.

Chapter Text

DeweyyyyFam : Huey almost threw hands with a nine year old today

Shadow_Child : not that i care or anything but what the fuck

GetThatGreen : one (1) child called me a boy

FollowTheMap : I wasn’t actually going to hit him.

Shadow_Child : that sounds like something someone who was going to beat up a child would say

Shadow_Child : but hmu next time i have no qualms against fighting a child

GetThatGreen : i don’t know if i should be flattered that you would fight a child for me or scared

SpiderWebs : where were you that you were going to fight a child?

DeweyyyyFam : school? Where else would we be on this average wednesday?

SpiderWebs : oh yea lol

Shadow_Child : i keep forgetting school is a thing

SpiderWebs : same hat

FollowTheMap : Doesn’t that technically mean Louie, Dewey and I are more qualified than you two?

Shadow_Child : no

SpiderWebs : I technically have a full high school education

GetThatGreen : nvm

Shadow_Child : wait why was their a nine yr old at ur school?

FollowTheMap : *there

Shadow_Child : stfu

GetThatGreen : our school is poor so everyone from 6-12 is in the same building

Shadow_Child : i cant believe scrooge lets his nephews and nibling go to a poor kids school

DeweyyyyFam : i don’t think scrooge even knows our names lmao

SpiderWebs : He’s gotten better!

GetThatGreen : didnt he almost call you your deadname the other day

SpiderWebs : It was an honest mistake

Shadow_Child : gtg

SpiderWebs : LENA NO

Shadow_Child : fine ill fight him sometime when you aren’t around

SpiderWebs : :(

FollowTheMap : Not that I would ever condone fighting our great uncle or anything but I’ll hold him down.
SpiderWebs : Scrooge really isn’t that bad

DeweyyyyFam : He needs to put in more effort tho

SpiderWebs : He isn’t used to having a family around tho

GetThatGreen : You’ve lived in his house for 15 years

SpiderWebs : But I made an effort to not be around him that often. He was upset after your mom and he’s just now getting used to having kids around again

FollowTheMap : I mean, we haven’t really made it easy on him either.

Shadow_Child : well this seems like a family thing so im gonna peace out

DeweyyyyFam : you were added to this gc for a reason y’know

DeweyyyyFam : you’re family

Shadow_Child oh shit waddup

GetThatGreen : while i greatly respect your ability to meme your way out of feelings that isnt going to change the fact that youre a part of our family :/

Shadow_Child : im climbing through webbys window now lol

SpiderWebs : ive got them

FollowTheMap : I can’t believe how emotional this was wow.

DeweyyyyFam : louie’s crying

GetThatGreen : STFU

Shadow_Child : lol

FollowTheMap : I’m gonna go make hot chocolate meet me in the sitting room in five minutes.

SpiderWebs : Which one?

DeweyyyyFam : we have multiple sitting rooms?

Shadow_Child : smh rich kids

GetThatGreen : we grew up on a boat

Shadow_Child : smh the relatives of rich kids

DeweyyyyFam : newsflash bro ur already in the will

FollowTheMap : Y’all gonna come get this hot chocolate or not?

Shadow_Child : y ‘ a l l

GetThatGreen : do we have marshmallows

FollowTheMap : We have four different kinds.

DeweyyyyFam : I’m assuming you mean the sitting room next to the kitchen?

FollowTheMap : Yeajkdfshlkfjdf;

GetThatGreen : ????

Shadow_Child : webby dropped out of the vents and huey screamed and dropped his phone lol

DeweyyyyFam : lol

SpiderWebs : It was the fastest way to get here

GetThatGreen : hot chocolate SNATCHED

Shadow_Child : i should probably leave

SpiderWebs : nah lol we’re having a sleepover

Shadow_Child : thank god

DeweyyyyFam : im going tf to bed gn gays

FollowTheMap : Good night.

Spiderwebs : Goodnight!!!!

Shadow_Child : night losers

DeweyyyyFam : Louie is already asleep

GetThatGreen: gnn

DeweyyyyFam: i stand corrected

Chapter Text

WebstersDictionary : how's your arm Louie?

GetThatGreen : not broken

WebstersDictionary : that's good!

DarkMemes : what did you guys do now

FollowTheMap : We went on another adventure with Scrooge, this time to an underwater cave.

GetThatGreen : a undead jellyfish caught onto my arm. dewey was a little enthusiastic in getting it off

DeweyyyyFam : I was being helpful

GetThatGreen : is that what youre going to sign on my cast

DeweyyyyFam : yes

DarkMemes : why does your uncle let you go on these

FollowTheMap : Which uncle?

DarkMemes : both

GetThatGreen : for unc donald it's mainly knowing that he would never win the argument

DeweyyyyFam : for scrooge it's the desperate desire for us to see him as cool

WebstersDictionary : he lets me come to make sure they're still alive

FollowTheMap : And also because he appreciates your skills as an adventurer?

WebstersDictionary : Yeah that too

DarkMemes : tell your uncle I saw some beagle boys hanging out and looking suspicious earlier

DarkMemes : idk they werent too close to ur house but you should probably be careful

WebstersDictionary : thanks, he has been informed

DarkMemes : why does that sound so formal

WebstersDictionary : I spent most of my life only talking to people who worked under Scrooge

WebstersDictionay : I guess I picked up their language

GetThatGreen : That's kind of sad

WebstersDictionary : lol

DeweyyyyFam: What even is geometry

DarkMemes: last time i checked it was a subgroup at math

GetThatGreen: a particuraly toutrous one

DarkMemes: what is that spelling

GetThatGreen: im dyslexic and too stressed about math to waste time googling how to spell words

DarkMemes: very valid

WebstersDictionary: if you bring that math up here I can help you with it

FollowTheMap : Be careful Webby, Louie and Dewey are very good and weeding the answers out of people trying to “help” them.

WebstersDictionary: thats fine

DarkMemes: wow

WebstersDictionary: what?

DarkMemes : nvm

WebstersDictionary: okay… dewey and louie bring your notes please, I haven’t taken geometry in a few years

DeweyyyyFam: copy

DarkMemes added GetThatGreen, FollowTheMap , and DeweyyyyFam to Webby Support Group

DarkMemes: anyone else worried

GetThatGreen: yeah

FollowTheMap: I’ve never seen her act like this before.

DeweyyyyFam: we’re waiting for her to find her protractor and it looks like she’s been crying

DarkMemes: should i come over

GetThatGreen: no, shell just get suspiciousand clam up

DarkMemes: okay but ill try and come up with a good reason to come over tomorrow

DeweyyyyFam: We’ll try to figure out why shes so upset for now

DeweyyyyFam: gtg she found her protractor

GetThatGreen: wish us luck

DarkMemes: luck

FollowTheMap: Good luck.

Chapter Text

Duck Kids

WebstersDictionary: I saw your chat on Louie’s phone

WebstersDictionary: Its okay, I’m fine, sorry I made you worry

DarkMemes : are you really actually fine or sorta “fine”

WebstersDictionary: fine

FollowTheMap : Nice job Louie.

GetThatGreen: what do you expect to happen when you text me while im in the room with her

DarkMemes : you guys get distracted really easily

WebstersDictionary: nothing to get distracted from!

DarkMemes : let pretend I believe that

DarkMemes: and say the reason I'm climbing through your window rn is bc im bored

WebstersDictionary: holy duck

DeweyyyyFam : well this has been a superb geometry lesson but I gtg

GetThatGreen: my young eyes cannot handle this peace out

DarkMemes : we're just huggin but k ig

WebstersDictionary: remember to flip the parallel lines to make them perpendicular otherwise the whole formula will be off

DeweyyyyFam: Thanks

Webby Support Group

DarkMemes: wow we all suck

GetThatGreen: did webby say smth

DarkMemes: yeah and I asked her if I could tell you guys and she said yeah

FollowTheMap : What is it?

DarkMemes : today is the anniversary of the day her parents died

DeweyyyyFam: shit

GetThatGreen: fuckkkkkk

FollowTheMap: I am already making hot chocolate.

DarkMemes: she said not to make a big deal about it

FollowTheMap : I’m currently casually making hot chocolate and whoops I got too much powder out guess I’ll make a few extra.

DeweyyyyFam: good save fam

DarkMemes: were coming to get it now yeeet

Duck Kids

WebstersDictionary: thank you guys

GetThatGreen: Of course

DarkMemes : we’re here for you

DeweyyyyFam: /\ /\

Chapter Text

@CertifedDumbassMemer : The rumor is come out. Does Scrooge Mcduck is gay?

@Ihatethisplatform : rt

@theonlycoolDuck : rt

@Donald_Duck: rt

@Huey_Duck : rt

@thegoodlookingDuck: rt

@ScroogeMcduckOfficial : Is this why Betina forced me to make a “twitter”?

@ScroogeMcduckOfficial : But since you asked nicely, I’ve been alive far too long to be straight.

@CertifiedDumbassMemer : you heard it here twitter, Scrooge Mcduck is Not Straight. We did it

@ScroogeMcduckOfficial : Always happy to keep my fans happy.

shadows : wait is anyone in your family straight

green : ugh we both tried to make our usernames lame so it doesnt look like were trying but now it looks like were both trying way too hard

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : I assure you, it still looks as if neither of you have ever tried at anything in your lives.

green : wow look at you huey, lowering your standards enough to have a vine username

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : I lost a bet.

green : figures. to who?

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : Dewey.

shadows : let me rephrase

shadows : gay?

green : ye

Feelin Blue : all day

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : It runs in the family like our sense of adventure, being triplets, and a very fragile mental state.

shadow : lol mood

shadow : wheres webby btw

Feelin Blue : wow we're not good enough for you?

shadow : nope

green : so rude

shadow : just answer my question

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : She's doing some sort of intense spy thing with her grandma I believe.

green : can you stop being a nerd for literally 5 minutes

shadow : wild

shadow : low key can i still break into your house

Feelin Blue : I mean yeah if you want to

Feelin Blue: but why

shadow : it's raining

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : Guess I'm making hot chocolate again.

shadow : literally what is it with you and hot chocolate

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl : Uncle Donald would always make it for us when we were upset, since it's a good comfort food and the packets aren't expensive.

shadow : super valid

shadow : thx

green : i unlocked the back door for you

Feelin Blue : wow look at this enby solidarity

green : shut tf up bluey

Feelin Blue : still not my name

shadow: wait who was that guy on Twitter that tweeted that

green: oh thats hueys bf

TheEncyclopediaOfWaldksjfl: He is *not* my boyfriend.

Feelin Blue: Keep saying that

green: i paid him 5 bucks to tweet that, and then gave beakly another 5 to make him respond

shadow: nice

Chapter Text

Webdings: Guess who's back!!!

green: with a confusing name

BluesClues: Back again (back back)

Webdings: It's a font name

green: nice

shadow: welcome back uwu

Webdings: uwu

Webdings : give me a minute to read what I missed

Webdings: HUEY HAS A BOYFRIEND??

Huey: Fuck.

green : okay first the fuck of all

green: boring name

green: second the fuck of all

green: huey can cuss?

shadow : is fuck a whole sentence?

shadow: because I'm not sure I could handle huey using improper punctuation and cursing in the same sentence

Huey : I do not have a boyfriend.

green : oooh he dropped the contractions he's a mad lad

shadow : an angry unit

Huey : I hate you both.

Webdings : Huey are you okay?

Huey: What do you mean?

Webdings: Normally whenever you say stuff like that you sound playfully mad. Rn you just sound sad

BluesClues : bro u know we tease you because we care abt you bro

green: bro were here for u bro

shadow: i will physically attack the source of your distress bro

Webdings: And i wil emotionally attack them and leave them scared for life out of love for you bro

Huey: Number one, please stop saying ‘bro.’ Number two, its a long story.

BluesClues: we’ve got time bro

Huey : So I liked this guy from our science class, because he’s really cute, and smart, and holy heck was his hair soft.

Huey: I mean I never touched it but you could tell.

Huey : But when you two realized I had a crush on him I figured the entire school must already know because you two are oblivious.

green: you wound me

Huey : So i figured I might as well ask him out, so I tried to today at lunch.

Shadow : well what tf happened don’t leave us on a cliffhanger

Huey: He looked me in the eyes said, ‘Actually, I’m not gay, that tweet was just a joke some random kid paid me to make’ so I said ‘Oh sorry.’ Because at this point I’m thinking, okay this is a scenario i can live with, you know?

Huey: Like, I’m dying inside but in a “could be worse” way?

Huey: Then he goes, ‘wait a minute, aren’t you one of those weird ass McDuck kids? That are always like blowing up the town or whatever. Man your family is full of freaks.’

Huey : I just want to live my gay life and he attacks me like this.

green: man huey gets really meme-y when hes upset

Webdings : Not the time

green: right sorry

Huey: So yeah anyways, shout out to Kevin in first period chemistry for crushing my gay heart and calling our family freaks.

Huey: I’m making hot chocolate.

shadow: out of curiosity does kevin have a last name?

shadow: or an address?

Huey: I’m not going to let you physically attack him.

Webdings: Can I still have his address?

Huey: …

BluesClues: Huey

Huey: I’ll think about it.

green: n o

Huey: He called you guys freaks!

BluesClues: He’s also a total dick and I couldn’t care less abt his opinion

green: could not have said it better myself

Huey: …

Huey: Thanks guys.

green: course bro

Huey: Stop calling me bro.

Chapter Text

green: how are neurotypical people even a thing

InterWeb: mood

tired emo kid : mood

Huey: Mood.

DeweyyyyFam : mood

Huey : Wait, you two are in class right now get off your phones.

Huey : Louie, you have Mrs. Jackle right now and we both know she confiscates phones.

green : arent you in class 2

Huey: I have study hall this period and all my homework is already done.

DeweyyyyFam : how come you have our schedules memorized?

Huey: Older brother duties.

green: t h r e e  m i n u t e s

DeweyyyyFam : We're working on projects right now, and since the internet is down Mr. Galora is letting us use our phones

green : im hiding in the bathroom because Mrs. Jackle keeps confiscating my fidget toys

tired emo kid: jesus christ do I really have to fight your entire school?

InterWebs : So I'm not saying I told Scrooge and he's already working on getting her fired and replaced with like, a not horrible person, but I may have done that.

green: y'know normally id fight it but I really hate this teacher so

InterWebs : perfect

tired emo kid: so i can fight?

green: nah webby would be sad if you got arrested

InterWebs: true

tired emo kid: fine

InterWebs: Sometimes I think, hey wouldn't going to actual school be fun?

InterWebs : Then I see these texts and nah

green : did you ever actually leave the mansion before we moved here

DeweyyyyFam : yeah I think we all assumed you were exaggerating at first and never thought of it again

InterWebs : No I genuinely had never left except for the very rare occasions I had to go somewhere with Granny for spy stuff

Huey : Yikes.

InterWebs : Granny never gave me any specifics, but I think we were in hiding for a while.

DeweyyyyFam : w h a t ?

InterWebs: yeah something to do with FOWL agents and a sugar bowl I don't know

green : sometimes i cant tell which of our family's is weirder

tired emo kid: yeah webby that's pretty fucked up

InterWebs : *shrug emoji*

tired emo kid: did you just???

DeweyyyyFam : did you seriously just type out asterisk shrug emoji asterisk ???

InterWebs : *shrug emoji*

tired emo kid: my gf is so cool

Huey : Ew.

DeweyyyyFam : Huey has been very meme-y today.

DeweyyyyFam: or at least he's been using one word responses

Huey : I'm tired and my filters are off.

tired emo kid: do I need to beat someone up?

green : okay were taking you on our next adventure because you are way to anxious to fight

tired emo kid : as long as I get to punch something

Huey : I'm tired because I was working on something for Gyro all night, don't get your feathers in a twist.

tired emo kid: i have no idea who gyro is but i could fight him

Huey : Cease.

green : oh yeah i forgot you were his nerd intern

green : intnerd

green : it doesnt really work but ill think of smth

DeweyyyyFam: what were you working on?

Huey: I think it was blueprints for some sort of heat powered and heat producing engine, but we're using a coffee mug first to test it.

green: thats the most gyro thing ive ever heard

DeweyyyyFam : 10/10

InterWebs : That sounds cool!

DeweyyyyFam: I forgot to mention this earlier but can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that Webby has new original usernames every time we text

InterWebs : I have a folder full of ideas and puns

tired emo kid: hey I change my username too

green: all of yours are like normal things emo kids use

tired emo kid : yours has been ‘green’ for three weeks now

green: i never claimed mine were better

Huey : Dewey has good usernames, too.

DeweyyyyFam : I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

green: he recycles his tho

tired emo kid : can we just agree dewey and webby are tied for first place?

InterWebs : First place in what?

tired emo kid : best username skills or something

InterWebs : ah

green : then its lena and I

DeweyyyyFam : *whispers* enby solidarity

green: then huey in last

Huey : That's probably fair

Chapter Text

Home-Schooled Heroine: Did Mr. Donald actually just cuss?

Can't Out Con a Con : i think he said fuck but i also could just be hallucinating after eating those pancakes he just tried to make

AlwaysTrustTheGuide : I’m literally crying.

Do A Dollop of Dewey : I'm so scared and huey genuinely is crying what the f u c k

OutOfTheShadows : are you guys okay?

Can't Out Con a Con: n o

Home-Schooled Heroine: Mr. Donald was making breakfast and he tripped and instead of doing that grumbling thing he normally does he just screamed fuck I'm so scared

OutOfTheShadows: has he never cussed before?

AlwaysTrustTheGuide: We've never heard him cuss??

Do A Dollop of Dewey: I know we joke about a lot of dark family secrets but I feel like this is definitely in the top 10.

Home-Schooled Heroine: This is worse than when I found out Mr. Scrooge was responsible for the Mississippi Purchase.

Can't Out Con a Con: uncle scrooge is responsible for the missipi purchase?

Do A Dollop of Dewey: spell check

Can't Out Con a Con: spell check is for people who care about their dyslexia

OutOfTheShadows: valid

AlwaysTrustTheGuide: All the adults are just pretending nothing happened this is so weird.

Home-Schooled Herione: I at least thought my granny would be complaining about it

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Maybe they're hoping we didn't hear him?

OutOfTheShadows: y'all are exhausting

Do A Dollop of Dewey: y ‘ a l l

OutOfTheShadows: ew huey is rubbing off on me

AlwaysTrustTheGuide: I resent that.

Can't Out Con a Con: wait a minute let's get back to scrooge being responsible for the missipi purchase

Can't Out Con a Con: webby?

Can't Out Con a Con: w o w

Do A Dollop of Dewey: we all have really long usernames today

OutOfTheShadows: why are you always the one to point out our usernames

Do A Dollop of Dewey: i just find them interesting

Home-Schooled Heroine: We do all have very long ones

Home-Schooled Heroine: I don't really get yours though Dewey

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Its like that commercial

Do A Dollop of Dewey: The sour cream one y'know??

Home-Schooled Heroine: Ohhhh yeah!!!

AlwaysTrustTheGuide: Why would you make that your username?

Do A Dollop of Dewey: I've had the jingle stuck in my head all week.

Can't Out Con a Con: i like it. it's fun. got flavor to it.

Do A Dollop of Dewey: we should all have jingle based usernames

AlwaysTrustTheGuide: We should not.

Home-Schooled Heroine: Oooo I have one for Huey!!

Home-Schooled Heroine changed AlwaysTrustTheGuide ‘s name to RedRobinYUM

RedRobinYUM: This is the thanks I get as an older brother who has been nothing but kind and has always loved Jesus??

OutOfTheShadows:  wait I have one for louie

Can't Out Con a Con: oh no

OutOfTheShadows changed Can't Out Con a Con ‘s name to Save15PercentOrMore

Save15PercentOrMore: i don't get it

OutOfTheShadows: the geico's green

OutOfTheShadows: not my best work

Save15PercentOrMore: i respect it

Home-Schooled Heroine: Louie about to steal my partner yeesh

RedRobinYUM: You're all going to hell.

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Oh before I forget.

Do A Dollop of Dewey has restricted all Admin rights to Home-Schooled Heroine

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Now only Webby can change usernames and stuff

OutOfTheShadows: why wouldnt you just give it to yourself?

Do A Dollop of Dewey: I think webby's the only one strong enough to bear this power

Home-Schooled Heroine: I will use it for mostly good.

Save15PercentOrMore: rip our server

Chapter Text

RedRobinYUM: I would like to make a formal request to admin Webby Vanderquack that my name be changed into something less ridiculous before the start of this conversation.

QueerQueen: hmmmm

QueerQueen: denied.

RedRobinYUM: Well, fuck me I guess.

Save15PercentorMore: can u change mine

QueerQueen: Yeah, sure!

QueerQueen has changed Save15PercentorMore ‘s name to Louisiana Purchase

Louisiana Purchase: ill take it tbh

QueerQueen: dw huey i gotcha

QueerQueen has changed RedRobinYUM ‘s name to Huebert

Huebert: It’s horrible but I have no choice but to accept it.

QueerQueen: actually this is a democracy if you want to change it you just need to ask for a vote

Huebert: What kind of queen runs a democracy?

OutOfTheShadows: a queer one apparently

QueerQueen: All those in favor of letting Huebert choose a new username for himself?

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Nay

OutOfTheShadows: nay

Louisiana Purchase: nay

Huebert: Yay.

QueerQueen: 3 to 1. It is decided. Your username is final.

Louisiana Purchase: rip huey duck 2003-2018

Do A Dollop of Dewey: *2019

Louisiana Purchase: shit u right

OutOfTheShadows: wait a minute Huey what did you mean “before the start of this conversation”

Huebert: Oh right.

Huebert: Uncle Donald is really gay for those Latino birds right?

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Oh yeah definitely

QueerQueen: Without question

OutOfTheShadows: i wasn't even there and i know it beyond a doubt

Louisiana Purchase: before we met them I was convinced huey was the gayest person in this family but i discovered i was mistaken that day

Huebert: Wow.

OutOfTheShadows: that's so valid louie

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Okay but how are we going to get them together?

Huebert: What's to say they aren't already?

Louisiana Purchase: f u c k

QueerQueen: This is getting an entire new file in my case of McDuck family conspires and plots

Louisiana Purchase: you still do that even though you know us ?

QueerQueen: Yeah it's just a lot easier now

OutOfTheShadows: that's so valid webby

Chapter Text

Louisiana Purchase: someone send help

Do A Dollop of Dewey: What's the prob Bob?

Louisiana Purchase:  1 never say that

Louisiana Purchase: 2 we were out of lactose free icecream

Shadow Kisser: Oh God

Louisiana Purchase: but i really wanted ice cream

OutOfTheShadows: don’t they make pills for that?

Louisiana Purchase: i was to lazy to get up and find them

Huebert: Don’t you keep them in your wallet so this doesn’t happen?

Louisiana Purchase: oh yeah.

Shadow Kisser: RIP Louie duck

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Is no one going to acknowledge Webby’s username

Louisiana Purchase: oh yeah that’s disgustingly cute Webby

Huebert: completely sickening

OutOfTheShadows: webby change my username to just Shadow plz

Do A Dollop of Dewey: deplorable

Shadow Kisser has changed OutOfTheShadows ‘s name to Shadow

Louisiana Purchase: wow thx for the 2nd reason for me to be throwing up rn

Huebert: wow we really have to get partners

Do A Dollop of Dewey: speak for yourself *finger guns*

Shadow Kisser: Omg does dewey have a boyfriend??

Huebert: oh my god

Huebert: I mean I knew you would be the first one to get a partner but still.

Do A Dollop of Dewey: i wish lol i just wanted to see what your reactions would be

Shadow: savage

Louisiana Purchase: wtf bluey

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Still not my name

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Btw, Webby can we change my username?

Shadow Kisser: Wait one sec

Shadow Kisser has changed Shadow Kisser ‘s name to Queer Queen

Shadow: aw : (

Queer Queen: Sorry love I have to get into character

Huebert: God is watching.

Queer Queen: Dewbert state your reason behind your request before the queen.

Do A Dollop of Dewey: I get the jingle stuck in my head everytime I look at my username now

Queer Queen: Hmmm

Queer Queen: I find your reasoning worthy, as I find myself facing this same trial.

Louisiana Purchase: webby out here fully devoting to her character

Queer Queen: However, as this is a democracy…

Queer Queen: I must gain the votes of all my people before I can grant your request.

Queer Queen: All those in favor of Dewbert Duck being granted a new username say “Yeet.” All opposed may say “Nah.”

Shadow: yeet

Do A Dollop of Dewey: Yeet

Louisiana Purchase: yeet

Huebert: I wanna say nah because I’m salty but I’m already outvoted so “Yeet.”

Queer Queen: The people have spoken, and your username shall be changed thusly.

Queer Queen has changed Do A Dollop of Dewey ‘s name to Morning Dew

Morning Dew: How do you have more usernames for us than we do?

Queer Queen has changed Queer Queen ‘s name to Shadow Kisser

Shadow Kisser: I have a folder

Louisiana Purchase: of course you do

Shadow: y’know you would think that would be weird but i’m genuinely just impressed

Shadow Kisser: ( :

Chapter Text

S hadow:  okay dont think i didn't notice the purple mug

Huebert : Well that was supposed to be a surprise for next time we have hot chocolate but, okay chief.

Shadow: you meme often enough that I should be used to it by now, and yet

Huebert : Why are you in our cabinets anyways.

Shadow:  please, i’m here often enough that i can make me and webby breakfast while she sleeps

Morning Dew : So wait why is the purple mug a big deal?

Huebert : Well you know how we all have a mug with our own color on it?

Morning Dew: ……

Huebert: Oh my God.

Morning Dew: I did not know this but go on

Shadow: no one in your family can do anything close to function it's amazing

Huebert: Have you seriously not noticed that everytime we drink hot chocolate you have a blue mug?

Morning Dew: Nope

Hubert: Wow.

Louisiana Purchase: to be fair I never noticed either

Shadow: okay I was moderately surprised when bluey was awake but I thought you were basically nocturnal louie

Louisiana Purchase: the vibrations from my phone woke me up

Shadow: F

Morning Dew: rip

Shadow Kisser: Hello yes I am a awake and utterly disgusted that you all are letting Lena make breakfast

Shadow Kisser: both because they are our guest and because they cannot cook

Shadow: i'm just making cereal chill

Shadow Kisser: you better be

Louisiana Purchase: wow thats pretty savage webby

Morning Dew: You don't have a new username today webby :(

Shadow Kisser: To be fair I did just wake up

Shadow Kisser: But I'm keeping it because its gay and cute

Morning Dew: The two best things

Louisiana Purchase: okay so let's get back to these mugs

Louisiana Purchase: obviously we have our red green and blue, and lena apparently just got a purple one

Shadow Kisser: I have pink!!

Louisiana Purchase: does uncle donald have one

Huebert: Yeah it's that white one that has  “World's okayest Uncle” written on it in sharpie that we made him.

Morning Dew: oh yeah I remember that we gave it to him for “uncle day”

Shadow Kisser: What's uncle day?

Louisiana Purchase: our teacher was making us do a bunch of crafts for mother’s day and we were like “we dont have a mom” and she said to make stuff for our dad then and we were like yeah that ain't it either chief so we made a bunch of uncle crafts and celebrated it the day after father's day

Shadow: that has strong petty gay vibes and I stan it

Shadow Kisser: I just realized no one in this chat has parents wow

Huebert : Worm.

Morning Dew: Okay so let's see

Morning Dew: Our mom got lost in space right before we hatched,

Louisiana Purchase: yeah and our dad most likely said nope and dabbed out of our lives

Shadow: technically I was never born so I dont have parents, but i did have an “aunt” who created me with magic and smth

Huebert: What actually happened to your parents Webby?

Shadow Kisser: No one knows but one time I found some shredded documents on a beach that referenced poisonous darts

Morning Dew : what the f u c k

Shadow: this spy organization is really weird

Shadow Kisser: Yeah I can't wait until they kidnap me for my training

Huebert: Please tell me that's a joke

Shadow Kisser: Mostly

Louisiana Purchase: we havent even eaten breakfast yet webby please

Shadow Kisser: (:

Chapter Text

ShadowKisser: So let's say, hypothetically

Louisiana Purchase: oh no

ShadowKisser: That maybe

Huebert: I'm scared.

ShadowKisser: Possibly

Morning Dew: My entire will and testament goes to that cool bird I saw eating a taco last week

ShadowKisser: There are some very angry robot dogs loose in the mansion rn?

Louisiana Purchase: not as bad as i thought it would be tbh

Huebert: Wait, are these the robot dogs Gyro has been looking for?

ShadowKisser: ….

Shadow: webby

ShadowKisser: All I'm saying is, I just pet them once and they followed me home, so I’m obviously a much better owner

Huebert: Those dogs are highly unstable beta models!

Huebert: I’m pretty sure Gyro programmed them to be attack dogs, and Fenton reprogrammed them to be lap dogs, so they're kind of just…

Huebert: A mess.

ShadowKisser: Yeah I sorta got that when one of them started licking me, and then just suddenly bit a few of my feathers off and ran away

Shadow: webby please

ShadowKisser: there's only 4 of them so we're probably fine

Morning Dew: why were you in the lab anyways? Unless gyro brought them out for some reason

ShadowKisser: Mr. Donald wanted me to bring Huey his lunch one day since he forgot it

Louisiana Purchase: lol

Huebert: I hate this family.  

ShadowKisser: I got a little over excited when i saw the dogs

Morning Dew: big mood

Shadow: how has that whole intnerd thing been goin huebert?

Huebert: I get paid half of the legal minimum wage to watch two grown men blow things up and write it down.

Louisiana Purchase: yet somehow you're the most responsible one out of all of us

Huebert: I’m the only one with a job.

Shadow Kisser: Technically, i’m a spy in training so I sort of work for the organization.

Shadow: if scamming people is a job then im employed

Louisiana Purchase: ditto

Morning Dew: that's my favorite pokemon

Morning Dew: Also I don't really have a job but i have my whole internet personality thing going on which is great

Huebert: I really hate this family.

Morning Dew: btw wow webby still no new username?

Shadow Kisser: It doesn't really feel fair when you all can't change your usernames too

Shadow: that's why ur the queen babe

Huebert: Utterly disgusting and I vote our queen evokes all admin rights immediately.

Shadow Kisser: Yeah that's fair, all in favor say “hail lord shaggy” all opposed say “January memes suck”

Louisiana Purchase: hail lord shaggy

Shadow: hail lord shaggy

Morning Dew: yeah having a queen was fun but I miss switching usernames

Morning Dew: hail lord shaggy

Huebert: I really, really hate this family.

Huebert: Hail Lord Shaggy.

Shadow Kisser: It is decided, our new ruler shall be the absent Lord Shaggy, who shall grant us free will as long as we appease Him.

Shadow Kisser has granted admin rights to [all users]

Morning Dew has removed Huebert from the chat

Shadow Kisser: This was a bad idea

Shadow Kisser: Put him back or Lord Shaggy will be forced to use 1% of his power

Morning Dew: fine

Morning Dew had added Huebert to the chat

Huebert: I hate this family.

Huebert has changed Huebert ‘s name to Jr.WoodChuck

Jr.WoodChuck: Much better

Shadow: i love this family

Chapter Text

Shadow has changed Jr.WoodChuck ‘s name to RainbowHue

Shadow has changed Morning Dew ‘s name to Bluey

Shadow has changed Louisiana Purchase ‘s name to lloouuiiee

WebStar: Just realized it’s been nearly a mont since our last adventure?

lloouuiiee : yeah isn't it amazing

Bluey: I nearly punched Huey this morning it's been so long since the last time i got to fight something

RainbowHue: You nearly punch me every day though?

Bluey: yeah lol

lloouuiiee: wait what's wrong with all our usernames??

MagicSucks: oh I got bored last night so I came on and changed them all

MagicSucks: lmao

MagicSucks: scroll up and you can see the proof

Bluey: oh rip

lloouuiiee: why did huey get a cool username and mine is just every letter of my name twice

Bluey: yeah I'm a little offended by mine ngl

MagicSucks: I felt bad for huey

RainbowHue: I finally just got a username i like. I'm revoking your mug.

MagicSucks: no plz

WebStar: Wow that's a low blow huey

lloouuiiee: yeah fr

Bluey: enby solidarity

lloouuiiee: please stop saying that

Bluey: I will the day huey stops being a nerd

RainbowHue: I don't have time for this I have to go to work.

WebStar: Have fun!

lloouuiiee: nerd

Bluey: Dont forget your lunch again or Uncle Donald is gonna go crazy

MagicSucks: ew gross family bonding

Bluey: Newsflash you're already on the Christmas card

MagicSucks: I’m Jewish

Bluey: you and launchpad can wear matching Hannukah sweaters then

MagicSucks: i'd rather die

lloouuiiee: fair

WebStar: This has been a rather aggressive group chat session

WebStar: I'm gonna go try and find some sort of adventure for us to go on

Chapter Text

Fem Fatality: would it be okay if i added Violet to this group? It feels weird to leave her out now that she hangs out with Lena and I so often

Lloouuiiee: idk arent her parents still alive

RainbowHue: What does that even mean?

Lloouuiiee: yknow like how we’re all orphans??

Bluey: how did you already forget mom’s back?

Lloouuiiee: OH SHIT UR RIGHT

Lloouuiiee: our mom is alive holy shit im gonna go hug her again

MagicSucks: gross

Fem Fatality: Violet? Yes? No?

MagicSucks: go for it

RainbowHue: Sure. I’ve never really gotten to talk to her.

Fem Fatality: you’re going to love her trust me

Bluey: oh no if she gonna be a giant nerd too

Fem Fatality has added Violet to the group

Fem Fatality has changed Violet’s name to Ultra-Violet

Ultra-Violet: Webby, what is this?

Ultra-Violet: Also, why is my name a pun?

Fem Fatality: No one is allowed to have boring names in this chat sorry

Ultra-Violet: I just read through some of your previous messages, and apparently you aren’t allowed to have parents either?

Bluey: we can there just has to be some sort of drama surrounding your family at the very least. So watcha got?

Ultra-Violet: Well i haven’t seen my parents in two weeks because they’ve been lecturing at a convention. Is that sufficient?

Lloouuiiee: yeah thatll work

Ultra-Violet: Your typing is abhorrent.

RainbowHue: You’re right Webby I do love her.

Ultra-Violet: Thank you “RainbowHue.”

RainbowHue: It’s Huey, sorry about my name, Lena gave it to me.

Ultra-Violet: Of course.

Bluey: Wedding bells are ringing!

RainbowHue: I’m gay.

Ultra-Violet: I am not interested in romance.

Bluey: Platonic wedding bells are ringing!

MagicSucks: oh thank god i can stop being jealous now

Ultra-Violet: What?

MagicSucks: what

Fem Fatality: I knew this was a good idea

Ultra-Violet: May I change my name back now?

Fem Fatality: Can’t you at least keep it because its a science pun?

Ultra-Violet: … I will consider it.

Fem Fatality: Yay!!!

Chapter Text

Huey: I cannot believe we know two superheroes.

Dewey is Doin It: Yeah and I can't believe one of them is our chauffeur

Cyborg Killer: I think launch pad is technically just the sidekick

Lloouuiiee : isnt Huey kind of like gizmoduck's sidekick?

Huey: As much as I wish I could say yes, I'm still just their unpaid intern.

Ultra-Violet: I thought you worked for McDuck enterprises? Is one of their scientists GizmoDuck?

Dewey is Doin It: Pshhh what no of course not

Ultra-Violet: I'm going to assume it's one of the top two scientists, Gyro or Fenton. Fenton is much more likely since it appears he was hired around the time GizmoDuck first appeared.

Cyborg Killer: Well I guess we better tell Fenton to add another name to his list

Lloouuiiee: at what point do you think hell just give up

Ultra-Violet: I'm sorry, but if you're going to insist on using the worst grammar I've ever seen, could you at least use question marks?

Lloouuiiee: sure????? Like this????

Ultra-Violet: I know seventeen different ways to kill you without even being in the same room.

MagicSucks: woah little harsh there V

Ultra-Violet: Oh I apologize.

Cyborg Killer: It's okay, I wasn't very good with the whole low key friends thing at first either

Dewey is Doin It: No offense Webby but you're still not great at it

Cyborg Killer: Point

Ultra-Violet: I have to go, people in this library are giving me dirty looks for being on my phone.

Cyborg Killer: Oo what are you researching?

Cyborg Killer: Oh right. You turned off your phone. Tell me later when you get home!

MagicSucks: wait so what was that about LP being a sidekick?

Dewey is Doin It: Oh yeah. He met someone else who's just as crazy about Darkwing Duck as he is, and when it turned out the original DD was crazy, the other guy took over

Lloouuiiee: yeah I think they might be dating now too or something it's really weird

MagicSucks: your family is so fucking weird

Huey: I don't think it's as bad as people say it is.

MagicSucks: you've got a very old great uncle whose a trillionaire that you didn't know until your uncle, who raised you, took you to him

MagicSucks: once there you met the house keeper and her granddaughter, and then you sort of adopted them?? And also the chauffeur who later becomes a superhero

MagicSucks: then the girl you adopted into your family meets weird shadow girl and starts dating her

MagicSucks: weird shadow girl starts apocalypse

MagicSucks: weird science uncles also become super heroes. Possible gay? Data unclear.

MagicSucks: oh yeah you do have those literally very lucky and very weird uncles too

MagicSucks: then your fucking mom comes back from the damn moon

MagicSucks: what the fuck is your life

Lloouuiiee: great now I'm going to contemplate this all night. Thanks.