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When the world goes to shit - and Pepper means that very literally - she locks herself up in her bedroom and has what can only be called a goddamned breakdown. She's not ashamed to admit that she trashes the place. She shreds the curtains and all of her clothing; she tears the mattress apart and goes at the upholstery on her chairs with a knife; she puts holes in the walls and breaks the glass on the windows; she breaks the heels off of all her shoes and dumps all of her make-up and nail polish into the bathtub and runs water over them; she shatters the mirrors and hacks her furniture to bits.
When it's all over, Pepper stops in the middle of the wreckage and looks around. Tony, she knows, would be shocked silent if he could see what she's done. He's always teased her about having 'appropriate' ways of releasing tension. A glass of wine, yoga, bubble baths, a shopping trip. Pepper's a woman who knows what she likes. But this. This is so much bigger than yoga. Her fiancé is gone, presumably dead, and approximately half of the world's life has been decimated and Pepper has no idea what the hell she is supposed to do. She's not trained for this.
"Ms. Potts?"
FRIDAY's voice makes her tense. Suddenly, Pepper feels a wave of shame. She drops the broken shoe in her hand and scrubs at her face, removing the tears. "Yes, FRIDAY?"
"I've lost contact with Boss. What should I do?"
"That's a million dollar question," Pepper says. She can't see her reflection because she doesn't have a mirror, but she's pretty sure she looks like a fucking nightmare. She feels like a fucking nightmare.
"Do you have a million dollar answer?" FRIDAY queries. It's an innocent question for an innocent A.I. and Pepper sighs; it's exactly the kind of question Tony would've asked her, probably with that impish smile that always makes her heart skip a beat. Not that she's ever let on to Tony that he has that kind of effect on her. It's the kind of thing he would take ruthless advantage of.
"No, I don't," Pepper admits. There's so many things she should be doing. Stark Industries will need her now more than ever. She can't let the company fall apart. Not only does Tony deserve better, there are still a lot of people depending on Stark Industries for their livelihood. Fuck, she hopes there's still a lot of people depending on Stark Industries. Her hands shake at the realization that a lot of company employees could be dead. They're going to have to figure out who's alive and who's dead and cobble together some kind of sympathy package for the loved ones of those who died.
Some people might freak out even more at those kinds of thoughts. Pepper feels herself settling. This is something she can do. She moves to the door and leaves, quietly locking the door behind her. She won't go back in until Tony comes home; she'll sleep in the bedroom they share when things are going well between them. Perhaps, she reflects, she'll never go back into that room. They've been engaged for two years. That's more than enough time for them to be married, and to hell with a huge wedding that takes years to plan. Frankly, she'll marry him at city hall with only a clerk for a witness if he'll just come back.
He has to come back.
"Ms. Potts, may I suggest a shower before you make a public appearance?" FRIDAY says.
Pepper looks at her hands. They're smeared with make-up and blood. "You know what, FRIDAY, that is a lovely idea."
She showers and does her make-up and hair and plasters on a calm smile. She makes her first of many media appearances, and schedules the first of many Board meetings. To the outside world, Pepper Potts is a paragon of calm in what has turned into a complete shitstorm. It's a good thing she has a lot of practice with keeping her temper while talking to assholes, because the decimation has brought out the worst in a lot of people. She can't even depend on people like Hope van Dyne for help anymore, because the government has come down on the Van Dynes like a sack of bricks and they're in the wind.
Three days in, Rhodey shows up on the Tower doorstep with glassy eyes and an apologetic expression. "I was in Wakanda. I thought Rogers could help," he says, and then he breaks down sobbing. "That fucker couldn't do anything, Pep. He was just as useless as the rest of us."
"Shh," Pepper whispers, pulling Rhodey into a hug. She gets him to the couch and comforts him while he falls apart. He tells her everything that happened in Wakanda, including all the deaths. If she sheds a few tears of her own, that remains a secret between Tony Stark's fiancée and Tony Stark's brother.
"He's gone," Rhodey keeps repeating, over and over. "He's gone."
Pepper bites her tongue and closes her eyes, petting Rhodey's hair. When she can talk without shattering apart, she says, "You did what you thought was right. Tony went into space, where none of us could reach him."
"I should've gone with him," Rhodey says.
It's useless to point out the logsitical problems of that: Rhodey still struggles to wear the War Machine armor for long periods of time; he wasn't even in New York when the spaceship attacked; none of them had any idea Tony was going to climb on board a fucking spaceship. Pepper would've climbed on that spaceship herself if she'd had any inkling. Tony might've fixed the problems with Extremis, and that means she can't shoot fire out of her hands anymore. But she's still faster and stronger than the average person. She would've happily cracked a few alien heads together.
"He may not be dead," Pepper says instead. It's the secret hope she's clinging to. "FRIDAY lost his signal, but that doesn't mean he's dead."
Rhodey shakes his head. "Is there any alcohol here? I need a drink."
She cracks open a bottle of Tony's favorite whiskey. Rhodey drinks three quarters of the battle and passes out. Pepper nurses her second glass, staring out the windows at the New York city skyline. She's pretty sure it's just her imagination that there doesn't seem to be as many lights as usual.
"FRIDAY," she says.
"Yes, Ms. Potts?"
"Has there been anything? Anything at all?"
"I've been searching," FRIDAY says in a small voice. "But... I don't know exactly where to look. If the Vision were here, he would be able to help."
Pepper's heart turns over. "What about JARVIS?"
"What about him?"
"If ever there was someone who knew how to find Tony, it would be JARVIS. Look into his files, FRIDAY. Look at everything. Even the things that Tony told you to leave be. I'm giving you permission. Override code P-E-P-P-E-R-ZERO-NINE-SEVEN."
"Yes ma'am," FRIDAY says. "Searching."
She tosses back the rest of her whiskey. "Good. I'm calling it a night. Wake me at six, please. I have that talk show at nine."
Rhodey is hungover and quiet when she gets back to the Tower after seven the next night. Pepper orders take-out for both of them, from Tony's second favorite chinese food restaurant because no one is answering the phone at the first favorite, and they eat in front of the television. She's not surprised when he's still there in the morning, nor when he just... doesn't leave. He asks her, just once, about Happy. Pepper's probably not very kind when she answers that no one has seen Happy Hogan since the decimation. Rhodey doesn't ask about anyone else.
Approximately five weeks after the decimation, FRIDAY requests that Pepper meet her in the workshop. It's the end of a long day and Pepper's feet hurt. All she wants is to sit and eat trashy food and have at least three glasses of wine, but she obliges because FRIDAY has been an absolute godsend. If you could adopt an A.I., Pepper would. She can't even fathom how she would've gotten through this without FRIDAY. She suddenly understands on a much more visceral level why Tony used to depend on JARVIS as much as he did.
"What's up," she begins.
"Hey Pep. Day seventeen. I just figured out how to get these transmissions recorded. Do you think -"
"What the fuck," Pepper breathes, cutting it off. She clasps a hand to her mouth. She hasn't heard Tony's voice in forever.
"I've located him," FRIDAY says excitedly. "I can direct you to him."
"He's alive?" Pepper asks.
"He's alive."
Pepper's knees go weak and she sinks to the ground. She breaks down into tears right there in the middle of the workshops, hands covering her face, and cries until she can hardly breathe. He's alive.
"Ms. Potts," FRIDAY says, "Boss needs you. He's running out of food, water and oxygen. He doesn't have much longer to survive."
"What?" Pepper lifts her head.
"I've been downloading the transmissions. Boss has been very thorough. Based on his estimates, he's only got another three days. Possibly four, depending on how quickly he consumes oxygen once he passes out."
She goes cold. "Where is he? Why hasn't he made it back to Earth yet?"
A hologram fills the room around Pepper. She watches, speechless, as FRIDAY shows her the approximate location of Tony. He's floating in space. She can't help reaching out a hand to the dot that represents Tony, but all her touch does is distort the hologram. She wants to cup it in her hands and kiss it and tell it everything she's suffered, but that's useless isn't it? Tony can't hear her.
"Can we talk to him?" she asks.
"No. The transmission is one way. Boss's armor doesn't have enough power to receive anything. I've tried to make contact, but was unable to."
Pepper chews her thumbnail. It's a bad habit left over from when she was a kid. Her nails are all chewed to the quick, now. "What can I do, FRIDAY? Is there any way I can get to him fast enough?"
"Boss has been preparing for this for a long time, Ms. Potts," FRIDAY says. "I have just the thing for you.
Something moves in the corner of the room, and Pepper stumbles to her feet. She watches with wide eyes as the wall peels away to reveal several sets of Iron Man suits. A light comes from the ceiling, shining down on one armor in particular, and Pepper inhales sharply. Because this armor was not designed to fit Tony Stark. It's distinctly feminine in shape, with a slimmer waist and shoulders and more room in the chest and hips.
“FRIDAY, what is that?” she says, though she already knows.
Of course Tony designed her a suit. Of course he did.
“It’s for you,” FRIDAY says.
Pepper drifts closer, reaching out a hand to not quite touch. The armor is two-toned just like Tony’s, but, instead of red and gold, the colors are silver and a deep reddish pink. It’s bulkier than she expected. She walks a slow circle around it, examining it from all angles. The helmet’s blank, glassy eyes stare at her and it’s like a silent accusation demanding to know why she wasn’t down here looking for it from day one.
“I can’t put this on,” Pepper says. “I’ve never piloted a suit. I don’t know what to do.”
“I can pilot it for you,” FRIDAY says helpfully. “I can get you there. But Boss will need help. He’ll need you.”
“Fuck my life,” Pepper whispers, running a hand through her hair. She should go get Rhodey. She should contact a lot of people.
But Tony. He needs her now.
“Ma’am?” FRIDAY prompts.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s bring my goddamn fiancé home,” she says. Like her response was ever going to be anything else.
The armor opens, and Pepper turns around and takes a step back. It closes around her, and it’s a weird feeling. Unlike the Iron Man suit, this armor fits her like a glove. Tony definitely stole her measurements, she thinks with a faint smile. It’s so like him to build this without saying a word. He was probably afraid she’d be angry, and that’s Pepper’s fault more than anything else. Somewhere along the way, it became less about Tony’s safety and more about her own paranoia.
She’s not sure she’s ever told Tony how proud she is of him, but it’s the first thing she’s gonna do when she sees him.
The HUD lights up in front of her eyes and she turns her head slowly, observing the workshop. She jumps when another armor steps up beside her. This one is definitely meant for Iron Man. Pepper blinks at it dumbly, wondering what it’s doing, before realizing that it’s to carry Tony home in. Her heart skips a beat and her breath shudders but she’s filled with a sudden, intense determination.
“FRIDAY, let Rhodey know what’s going on,” she says.
“I’ll let him know to meet you at the Compound,” says FRIDAY.
“The compound?”
“That’s where Boss’s ship is.”
Boss’s ship? Pepper mouths the words to herself, confused. But there’s no time to ask questions. The armor moves and Pepper moves with it, clanking her way further into the depths of the workshop. She’s never been back here and she figures out why when the whole wall suddenly opens up, revealing a launching pad. The armor walks right out onto the pad and then off of it.
Pepper screams. She’s not afraid to admit it. The split second feeling of free fall is terrifying before the repulsors kick in and catch her, stopping her descent and propelling her into the sky. Suddenly she’s flying over New York city. The terror drains away so quickly that it leaves her breathless, replaced by a surge of adrenaline. It’s the same feeling she got when she helped Tony defeat Killian.
“FRIDAY, this is amazing!” she yells.
“I know!” FRIDAY says gleefully. “Boss has wanted to give you the Rescue armor for a long time, Ms. Potts. He’s always wanted to fly with you.”
“Oh, Tony,” Pepper whispers, her heart twisting. Lifting her head, she looks behind her for the other armor and sees that it’s right behind her. Seeing it makes a pang go through her, because it’s empty and it shouldn’t be. Tony should be inside. She vows then and there that he will be someday.
By armor, the trip to the compound is cut in half. Pepper makes out the War Machine armor already there waiting. She lands on the ground and runs towards it. The faceplate snaps up to reveal Rhodey’s wild face. When she’s close enough, he reaches out and grabs her shoulders. It’s a weird feeling to know that there are hands on her shoulders, but not be able to feel it.
“Pepper, is it true?” Rhodey demands. He doesn’t look surprised to see the Rescue armor and she wonders if he knew.
“Yes. I’ve heard his voice. He’s alive, Rhodey,” she says, her own faceplate sliding up. “And we can keep it that way if we move fast.”
“We’ll haul ass,” he promises, a familiar determination lighting up his face.
“FRIDAY, what next?” Pepper asks.
By response, the ground to their left begins to shake. Pepper flinches back and Rhodey moves in front of her. They both watch in astonishment as a fucking spaceship rises out of the ground. A door slides up and a gangplank emerges, stopping right at Rhodey’s feet.
“What the fuck,” he says.
“He has a spaceship,” Pepper says to no one in particular. “Of course he does. What the hell, Tony?”
“Your fianceé is the most extra person in the world,” Rhodey says, and Pepper can’t argue with that.
“It’s ready for lift-off,” FRIDAY pips up. “All you have to do is enter.”
More than a little awed, they quietly shuffle up the gangplank. Rhodey brings a few bags with them, which he explains are stuffed with food, water and some medical equipment. They don’t know what kind of shape Tony will be in. Pepper prays he won’t need a doctor immediately, because neither she nor Rhodey are equipped for that. She wishes that they had time to fetch Bruce from Wakanda, but they don’t.
FRIDAY directs them to sit and strap themselves down. The third armor sits down and straps itself in. Pepper follows its example, securing the strap over the hips of the armor, and squeezes her eyes shut. The ship rumbles to life around and below them and her breath catches in her chest. They’re doing this; they’re going into space to save Tony Stark. What even is her life?
“By my estimation, it will take approximately eighteen hours to reach Boss,” FRIDAY says, her voice echoing through the ship. “Good thing Boss always keeps this ship fully fueled and ready to go. I’ve charted the most direct course and will continue to monitor Boss’s coordinates. I will also let you know if he sends any new recordings to Earth. I’ll transmit them directly to you.”
“That’s it, I’m keeping you, FRIDAY. Tony’s going to have to resurrect JARVIS because from now on you’re mine,” Pepper says.
Rhodey chuckles. “You’re probably the only person he’d give FRIDAY to,” he remarks.
“I know,” she says quietly, opening her eyes to look. Her stomach feels like it’s curling in on itself when she catches a glimpse out the window. The Earth is below them. It looks beautiful and majestic but it’s also a stark reminder of just how far away from home that Tony really is.
She passes the time at first by dictating emails to FRIDAY. On the HUD, she can see her ever increasing inbox and list of things to do. She’s definitely going to miss meetings after this, so her first course of action is to reach out to her second-in-command and make sure that everything is covered. Then she starts figuring out what can be done now and what can wait, in between answering even more emails. It’s a good thing she’s not on Earth, because she wants to slip the shit out of everyone who writes back pissed that she’s canceling and rescheduling stuff.
When she’s done as much as she can, she sleeps for a while. But it’s an uncomfortable sleep at best, sitting upright in the armor, and she keeps snapping awake from nightmares where Tony is dead when they get there. Rhodey brings her water and some food and tells her to eat; she doesn’t want to, but she eats to keep her strength up. Tony’s going to need her to be strong.
Rhodey has good timing, as it turns out.
“I’ve received another transmission from Boss,” FRIDAY announces, about fourteen hours into their mission. Pepper sits up and Rhodey turns around from where he’s standing near the window, looking out at space. Tony’s haggard voice fills the small room.
“Hey Ms. Potts, if you find this recording, don’t feel bad about this. Part of the journey is the end. Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of rescue is more fun than it sounds. Food and water ran out… four days ago. Oxygen’ll run out tomorrow morning. That’ll be it. When I drift off, I will dream about you. It’s always you.”
“Fuck,” Pepper whispers, clasping a hand over her mouth. The utter hopelessness in Tony’s voice hits her like a punch to the stomach. He really believes that this is it. He thinks no one is coming.
“Oh my god,” Rhodey says. “Oh, Tones.”
“FRIDAY, we have to move faster,” Pepper says. There are fresh tears on her face now. She thinks she’s probably crying. Rhodey’s crying too.
“I’m putting everything I can into the repulsors,” FRIDAY says. “E.T.A. is three hours.”
It’s easily some of the longest hours of Pepper’s life, right up there with watching Tony fly a missile through a portal and thinking he was dead after the Mandarin attacked their house. She eventually joins Rhodey at the window. Her eyes focus briefly on their reflections. The Rescue armor and the War Machine armor look fine together, but they’re missing something.
“Look,” Rhodey says suddenly. “Look, Pepper!”
Pepper leans forward, putting her hands against the glass, and feels like she can’t breathe. It’s a ship. A small, beaten-up ship.
“Reaching our destination. Prepare for boarding,” FRIDAY says. Their ships come in close. Pepper watches through the window as several metallic rods reach out and clamp onto the other ship, pulling it closer. A wave of green light sweeps over the other ship.
“How do we get to him?” Pepper asks.
“I have scanned the ship to get a better sense of how it’s laid out. You will need to use the hatch at the top. Once you enter and lock it, you’ll be able to depressurize the room and then enter to where Boss is. I suggest you get him into the Iron Man armor as quickly as possible. That ship is not suitable to sustain human life at the moment.”
“Shit,” Rhodey says under his breath. His faceplate snaps down and he immediately moves to the door. Pepper follows, her heart racing.
Rhodey goes first, sharply pushing off and slamming into the other ship. He scrambles up onto the roof, then motions to Pepper. Her jump is a little more tentative, but she still makes it. The armor is lighter and easier to maneuver in out here. Last to follow is the Iron Man armor, piloted by FRIDAY. Rhodey opens up the hatch and motions for Pepper to drop down first.
Once they’re all inside, Rhodey shuts and seals the hatch. The Iron Man armor hits the controls to make the room depressurize. Pepper can tell the instant that it does, because the lock on the door separating them from the rest of the ship disengages. She immediately grabs the door and wrenches it open.
Her first glimpse of Tony takes her breath away, and for a moment she can’t speak. He’s slumped against the control panel, the helmet of an Iron Man suit sitting on the floor in front of him. She realizes that must be what he’s using to send his transmissions back to them. Empty drink and food containers litter the ground around him. Most of them look like they’ve been licked clean. His face is cast in darkness, and she realizes she can’t even tell if he’s breathing.
That’s what finally gets her moving; she rushes towards him, her heart pounding, and kneels down. “Tony? Tony, baby, can you hear me? Tony?” She clasps his face with her hands, wishing that she could touch him with her bare skin. “FRIDAY, retract the gloves.”
Like magic, the gloves of the armor peel away and suddenly she can. Pepper sobs once when she feels how dry and cool his skin is, and her fingers shake as she touches his neck to feel for a pulse. Words can’t describe the sheer relief that rolls through her when she feels it, weak and thready but fluttering beneath her fingertips. He’s still alive. They’re not too late.
“He’s alive,” she chokes out, sitting back on her heels and standing. “Rhodey, help me get him up.”
Rhodey’s right behind her, and he reaches down to gently grab Tony’s other arm. They carefully lever him up and into the Iron Man armor, which closes securely around him.
“I will take Boss back to the ship,” FRIDAY says.
“I’ll come with you,” Pepper says. “Rhodey?”
“I’m going to do a quick check. I don’t want to leave any of Tony’s tech behind,” says Rhodey, scooping up the helmet. “I’ll be right behind you.”
“Okay,” she says, grateful that Rhodey is here – she didn’t even think about that, but of course Tony would be outraged to wake up and find they’d left something of his behind.
She accompanies the Iron Man armor back to the ship. FRIDAY informs her that she is monitoring Tony’s vitals. He’s dehydrated and in need of food. He has a partially healed stab wound on his abdomen, and a couple of broken bones. Plus several cracked ribs, more bruising than FRIDAY can accurately report, and his immune system is seriously run down. What the hell happened to him, she wonders. What else has this poor man gone through?
There’s an I.V. in the Iron Man armor, which FRIDAY injects. All Pepper has to do is hook up a bag of saline to the drip as per FRIDAY’s instructions, which she does. Then she kneels beside Tony and takes his bare hand in hers, marveling over how puffy and bruised his fingers are. Thank god he didn’t break any of them. She kisses the back of his hand and cries.
“Pep?”
Her head shoots up. “Tony?”
His eyes are open and he’s squinting at her in that dazed way that means he’s not fully there. He blinks, focusing slightly better, and says, “Am I dead?”
“No, Tony. No. You’re not dead,” she says in a thick voice, unwilling to tell him just how close to dead he really was.
“But I’m dying. I’m dreaming of you, just like I said I would.”
“No. I’m really here.” She straightens up, leaning over him. “Even in your dreams, do you really think I’d put on the Rescue armor?”
“No,” he says slowly, eyebrows furrowing.
“That’s right. I would only put it on if there was a hope of saving my brave, courageous, dumbass fiancé’s life,” Pepper says, cupping his face and trying to smile.
He leans into her touch, eyelashes fluttering. “You’re really here? You got my messages?”
“I got them,” Pepper says. She might be crying again. “Rhodey did too. He’s getting your stuff off that other ship. And then we’re going home.”
“Home,” Tony whispers. He looks up at her. He’s so pale. “I really wanna go home, Pep.”
“We’re going,” she promises, leaning down to kiss him. A few of her tears land on his cheek, mingling with his own tears. His grip on her hand is suddenly renewed, like he’s got a burst of strength after realizing that she’s actually here. Pepper kisses him again and again, pouring her relief and gratitude into each kiss.