Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seokmin has known ever since he and Minghao had first started dating that Minghao is poly.

Seokmin has never dated more than one person at once, but he thinks he sees the appeal – the more the merrier, he supposes. Courtesy of his, frankly, oversized heart, he certainly has enough love to give to more than one person, and he can’t see why anyone wouldn’t want to have multiple people loving them.

So he’d told Minghao he was okay with it and open to trying anything Minghao would want to. He hadn’t been lying about that, either – it had sounded great at the time – but now that Minghao’s actually got his eye on someone, Seokmin isn’t quite sure how to feel about it.

“You know Kim Mingyu, right?” is how Minghao brings it up. He casually mentions friends in conversation with Seokmin all the time, but this feels a little different. Seokmin looks over at him from the passenger seat, but Minghao’s eyes are firmly trained on the road. Weird.

“Kim Mingyu the model?” Seokmin asks, because that’s all he really knows about Mingyu. They’ve had a class or two together during the few years Seokmin has attended this university, but they’ve never talked. Seokmin generally doesn’t like to approach anyone he finds attractive or intimidating, and while Mingyu seems nice enough, he also has the facial structure of a god. “The really tall guy?”

Minghao hums in acknowledgement. “Yeah, him.”

“What about him?”

“He’s, uh. He’s in my marketing class.”  The tips of Minghao’s ears are a little red, but Seokmin decides against teasing him about it since he’s already clearly uncomfortable talking about this. “And he’s my partner for our project.”

Seokmin laughs. Minghao turns to look at him, startled. “Hao, you can say you have a crush on him. You don’t have to be embarrassed about it.”

“Well I didn’t know how you were going to react to it!” Minghao says defensively, but he’s less tense now. Seokmin reaches over and slips his hand into Minghao’s, which makes the younger smile a little. “I know you said you were okay with the whole poly thing, but we haven’t really talked about it since then, so I wasn’t sure how to go about it.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything,” Seokmin says, giving him a smile he hopes is reassuring. “Right?” he adds, suddenly uncertain.

“Of course,” Minghao says quickly, reaching over to grab his hand. He squeezes, and Seokmin can’t help smiling. “I just – you have to want it too, for it to work out. If you’re not okay with it, I’m perfectly happy just being with you and not making any modifications to our relationship.”

Seokmin’s heart swells with affection. Minghao is so sweet, even if he doesn’t like to show it sometimes, and as much as Seokmin loves being Minghao’s one and only, he’s not so selfish that he would deprive his precious boyfriend of more love if he wanted it. “I’m okay with it, Hao. I just want you to be happy.”

“I love you,” Minghao says. His gaze is glued resolutely to the road again when Seokmin looks at him, but now he’s blushing. Seokmin smiles. “Mingyu is coming over tomorrow so we can work on the project. We’ll see how it goes, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin agrees.

He’s not sure how everything will go, if they’re going to be courting Mingyu now, but he’s sure they’ll figure it out. They always do.

The rest of the car ride passes uneventfully.

—

“Oh wow,” is, embarrassingly, the first thing Seokmin says when he opens the door and sees Mingyu. Even worse, his brain doesn’t catch up to his mouth until after he adds, “You’re really pretty.”

Mingyu lets out a surprised laugh as Seokmin’s face rapidly goes bright red. “Thank you?” he says. “Is Minghao here?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get him for you,” Seokmin says. He shuts the front door behind Mingyu, gestures vaguely at the couch, then heads to the bedroom, willing his face to stop burning.

Mingyu is gorgeous. After exchanging just a few words, Seokmin can already see how Minghao would be infatuated with him.

He shakes it off as he knocks on the bedroom door and lets himself inside. “Hao, Mingyu’s here,” he announces.

“Okay,” Minghao says, getting up from his desk. He smirks at the sight of Seokmin’s face. “Why do you look like a tomato?”

“He’s even better-looking up close,” Seokmin hisses, flushing again.

Minghao laughs and kisses him on the cheek. Seokmin makes a face at him but doesn’t fight it. “You wanna hang out in the living room while we work?”

Seokmin shakes his head immediately. “No! I’m – he’s too pretty, I don’t know how to not freak out – ”

“Should I be offended that you don’t freak out around me?” Minghao teases.

Seokmin looks scandalized. “No! You know I think you’re – Hao, stop laughing at me!”

“You big baby.” Minghao’s smile softens and he presses a light kiss to Seokmin’s lips. “Fine, if you’re too scared to talk to Mingyu, you don’t have to sit with us. We’ll be busy for a few hours, so if you go out, be home so we can have dinner together, okay?”

“Okay,” Seokmin says, trying not to coo at how cute his boyfriend is. He waggles his eyebrows. “Now go. You don’t want to keep him waiting.”

Mingyu grins and retreats to the living room with a wink. Seokmin smiles back before sighing, letting himself fall backward onto the bed. He doesn’t plan on leaving the apartment.

For the next three hours, he can hear sweet laughter of two different tones resonating from the living room.

—

Seokmin usually sits alone in his stagecraft class. He used to sit with Soonyoung, but Soonyoung had dropped the class for a choreography class, and Seokmin never tried to worm his way into another group. There are the popular kids in the back of the room, the freshmen in the front, and then random others scattered throughout. Seokmin has a lot of friends, but he’s not particularly popular now the way he was in high school, and being a junior, he doesn’t really want to sit with the freshmen. So alone it is.

Mingyu usually sits with Lee Dongmin in the back where all the other preps are, which is what makes it a surprise when he sits next to Seokmin during their next class together. In fact, it must so clearly be a surprise to Seokmin that Mingyu can read it right off his face, because the younger boy immediately dons a hesitant expression. “Does... someone else usually sit here?”

“No,” Seokmin says quickly, shooting him what he hopes is a friendly smile but probably looks a little more terrified than anything. “It’s usually, uh, just me. So.”

“You don’t mind if I sit with you, then?” Mingyu asks.

Seokmin’s pretty sure Mingyu has it backward, because usually it’s Seokmin that people don’t want to have sitting with them. He wants to ask why Mingyu wants to sit with him, of all people, but he doesn’t. “Of course not,” he says.

Mingyu smiles at him and takes out a spiral notebook and three different-colored pens, opening his notes to the last used page. Seokmin is halfway to impressed at how nice the notes are before he sees the spacing of the paper, and he wrinkles his nose. Mingyu blinks at him. “What?”

“You use wide ruled paper?” Seokmin says. It doesn’t really matter. He’s not sure why he’s bringing it up.

Mingyu laughs awkwardly, the tips of his ears going a little red. “Uh, yeah. It’s cheaper.”

The subject of conversation is weak, and still Seokmin can’t help but notice that even embarrassment somehow looks good on Mingyu. Seokmin isn’t quite sure what to say back to him, but luckily the professor starts class then and Mingyu only sends Seokmin another small smile before tuning into the lesson.

The number of times Seokmin catches himself staring at Mingyu during that hour is not insignificant. Seokmin is well aware of how ridiculous it is, because Mingyu isn’t even trying to look good. He’s slouching in his seat and his hair is a little bit of a mess and his face is free of any makeup, and somehow he still makes Seokmin’s heart race.

It’s like how Minghao had made him feel when Seokmin had first met him, and that scares Seokmin a little.

(A lot. That scares Seokmin a lot, but he doesn’t tell anyone. In retrospect, maybe telling at least just Minghao would have been a good idea.

Maybe then it wouldn’t have all blown up in his face so badly.)

—

Mingyu comes over again almost every day for the next week following his first visit, and he starts sitting next to Seokmin in stagecraft class. At home, Seokmin continues to hide out in his room while Minghao and Mingyu work on their project, and in class, Seokmin finds himself acting almost comically awkward. He’s not sure when all of his humor had gone down the drain, but he figures it had probably been sometime around when he’d developed a big, fat crush on Mingyu.

The worst part is that Minghao doesn’t seem to have any problems being his regular suave self. As dorky and short-tempered as he can be, Minghao can be painfully charming when he tries. Seokmin wishes he could be like that as well, but all he’s got is a half-there sense of humor that seems to come and go. People laugh at him more than they laugh with him, and while it hadn’t been a problem in grade school, he wishes now that he could have more substance than just his stupidity.

“You like him too, don’t you?” Minghao says late one night when they’re in bed, wrapped up in one another. It’s not really a question, because Seokmin has been disgustingly obvious and Minghao already knows the answer, so Seokmin just sighs and snuggles closer to his boyfriend. “Do you think we should start dropping hints?”

Seokmin blinks at him. “That was you not dropping hints? What kind of animal are you when you start actually flirting?”

Minghao laughs, his voice soft in the serenity of the night. “You’ll see,” he says mysteriously, although the seductive effect is ruined by the way his fingers card gently through Seokmin’s hair. “Really, though. We should start courting him or whatever.”

“I’m really bad at flirting,” Seokmin admits.

“You weren’t bad enough to repel me,” Minghao points out, then pats Seokmin’s cheek gently. “And if you somehow manage to get Mingyu to hate both of us, then we’ll just know the relationship wasn’t worth it to begin with. It’ll work out if it’s meant to, you know?”

Seokmin’s eyes prickle a little with emotion, but he only nods and buries his face is Minghao’s chest. His boyfriend is really so sweet behind the steely exterior he tries to display. “I love you,” Seokmin says thickly, probably overly sentimental, but Minghao is probably used to it.

“Sap,” Minghao accuses, but he sounds fond. Warm, thin arms wrap around Seokmin’s shoulders, and a light kiss is pressed to the top of his head. “Goodnight, babe.”

Seokmin thinks he’s beginning to understand the thought process behind being poly. While Mingyu gets the butterflies to go wild in his stomach and makes him blush like a little schoolgirl, Minghao still makes him feel so in love that he wants to cry sometimes. Nothing has changed that; he can feel it in his bones that nothing ever will.

He wonders if Minghao knows that. He hopes so.

—

Yoon Jeonghan is Seokmin’s oldest friend – in both meanings of the word – so naturally he’s the one Seokmin goes to to ask for advice about flirting. Even if they hadn’t been long-time friends, Seokmin probably would have asked him for help anyway, because Jeonghan is gorgeous and probably the biggest flirt Seokmin has ever met in his life. And he has a boyfriend, so he must be doing something right.

“Why are you flirting with someone?” Jeonghan asks when Seokmin tries, and fails, to casually mention it. Jeonghan frowns. “Did something happen with Minghao?”

“No, of course not,” Seokmin says, making a face. “We’re just – we like someone – and Hao wants to start flirting with him now. And I’m terrible at flirting.”

“So you came to me for help.”

“Yes.”

“What makes you think I did the flirting?” Jeonghan asks, lips quirking in what Seokmin thinks is an unfairly attractive smirk. “Cheollie did all the work. I just danced around him and looked pretty while he did it.”

Seokmin must have a truly distraught look on his face, because Jeonghan chuckles fondly at him and ruffles his hair. “Sorry, sweetie,” Jeonghan says. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

“Hyung,” Seokmin whines, pouting at him. “Can you at least tell me what Seungcheol-hyung did right? I really don’t know what to do.”

Jeonghan studies Seokmin for a minute, like there’s suddenly something there that hasn’t been present before. There might be. Seokmin doesn’t know.

“Cheol didn’t do anything right,” Jeonghan finally admits. He sounds more serious now. “He was awkward and shy and he stuttered when he said he liked me.”

Seokmin stares at him, waiting for him to continue. Jeonghan smiles. “I liked Cheollie for who he was, you idiot, not for what he said when he was trying to get in my pants.”

“But…” Seokmin starts, then tries again. “But Mingyu doesn’t already like me.”

“I don’t know a single person who dislikes you, Seok-ah,” Jeonghan says in a tone that somehow screams finality. “Like I said, you’ll figure it out, okay? Now did you come here just to ask about that, or did you come to hang out with your favorite hyung?”

Seokmin grins at him. They spend the rest of the day watching Harry Potter movies on the couch, and Seokmin doesn’t leave until Seungcheol comes home much later that evening and complains that Seokmin is trying to steal his boyfriend.

—

Seokmin tries his best with the whole flirting thing, but as it turns out, he’s really, really bad at it. He can’t make eye contact with Mingyu without blushing madly and looking away. He can’t make casual conversation because he stutters too much. He’s not sure what exactly happens to his social skills when Mingyu’s around, because he’s usually actually good at talking to people, but it’s embarrassing and awful and Mingyu probably thinks he’s an idiot by now.

Minghao ends up making the first move, of course. He invites Mingyu to dinner – sushi – and as much as Seokmin loves sushi and wants to date Mingyu, he panics when Minghao tells him.

“I already have plans for Friday,” he blurts out, louder than he means to. He doesn’t register that he’s just lied reflexively until Minghao’s left eyebrow twitches a little, and Seokmin’s stomach drops uncomfortably. “W-With Soonyoung. And Seungkwan. We were going to hang out.”

Minghao seems to soften a little at that, looking sympathetic. “Oh, okay. I know you haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says, looking at his feet. Lying would be easier if Minghao wasn’t so sweet about it. “I… miss them.”

“I can reschedule with Mingyu if you want,” Minghao offers. “I know he wants you there too.”

Seokmin is torn between shy embarrassment and guilt, and it shows on his face in the form of a mildly blotchy flush of his cheeks. “No, it’s okay!” he says quickly. “You don’t have to change your plans just because of me.”

“Are you sure?” Minghao asks, brows creased. “It wouldn’t be too hard to just change it to a day we’re all free.”

“It’s fine,” Seokmin says. “Besides, we should probably let him get to know us one at a time, right? So he’s not overwhelmed with trying to date both of us at once right away?”

He regrets it immediately, because he knows that that means he’ll have to spend time alone with Mingyu eventually, but Minghao’s face is already brightening and it’s too late to take it back. “That’s true,” Minghao says. “I didn’t think about it that way. You’re right, that’ll probably work better.”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says, because it seems to be the only word in his vocabulary that hasn’t betrayed him yet. Minghao can probably read right through him, but he doesn’t say anything. Seokmin doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.

“We’ll keep Friday, then,” Minghao says. “You and him can figure out a day that works for you then.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to him about it afterward, assuming you don’t scare him off first,” Seokmin teases.

“Hey, I’m great at first dates!” Minghao protests.

The tension has dissipated, but there’s a nauseating flipping in Seokmin’s stomach, and he’s not sure why it won’t go away.

—

By some miracle, Soonyoung and Seungkwan are both free Friday night. Well, Seungkwan is supposed to be hanging out with his boyfriend Hansol, but it doesn’t end up being a problem; Seungkwan must hear the desperation in Seokmin’s voice when Seokmin calls him to ask, because he agrees to meet up as long as Hansol can tag along.

Truthfully, Seokmin doesn’t really have to hang out with Seungkwan and Soonyoung while Minghao and Mingyu are on their date. He could be alone, or with anyone else, and Minghao wouldn’t know any better. But the guilt of lying has already been eating him alive, and he really doesn’t want to lie to his boyfriend any more than he already has – he’s terrible at it, anyway, so he’s likely to be found out eventually. So he’s going to actually hang out with Seungkwan and Soonyoung during his boyfriend’s date.

Everyone is already in the living room when Seokmin shows up at Soonyoung’s apartment. Seungkwan and Hansol are huddled up on the couch flirting grossly while Soonyoung is scrolling through Netflix.

“You really should stop leaving the door unlocked,” Seokmin says, shutting the door. Hansol is the only one who perks up at the sound of his voice. Seokmin tries not to be offended by that.

“Well, you’re the last one, so you lock it,” Soonyoung says. “We were just waiting on you anyway.”

Seokmin locks the door. “Sorry, I had to help Minghao get ready for his date. I kind of lost track of time.”

Seungkwan’s jaw drops. “You had to get Minghao ready for his what?”

“Uh,” Seokmin says. He plops down on the couch between Soonyoung and the armrest, automatically curling under Soonyoung’s arm. “His date?”

“Minghao, your boyfriend,” Seungkwan says, disbelieving.

“Yes,” Seokmin agrees, a little lost.

Seungkwan squints at him. “Am I missing something?”

“This has to do with why you called and said you wanted to hang out, right?” Soonyoung says, setting the remote down.

Seokmin is either very obvious, or he and Soonyoung have just been friends for too long. “Can’t I just want to hang out with my friends who I haven’t seen in forever?” he tries.

Soonyoung snorts. “Well, you never call us first. Now spill.”

Seokmin’s not sure why he hesitates, but he does. As close as they all are, he’s not sure how to explain that his boyfriend wants to date someone else without somehow making himself sound like the third wheel.

His nervousness must show on his face, because their impatient looks soften. Seungkwan and Soonyoung glance at each other like they’re silently debating how best to approach this. Surprisingly, it’s Hansol who speaks first.

“You know we’re on your side, right?” he says lightly, although his face is a little twisted. He looks a bit like an angry puppy. “Like, if Minghao hurts you or something, we’ll beat his ass. All of us, because he’s kind of scary when he has his nunchucks. It’ll be a group effort.”

Seokmin stares at him, speechless, until Soonyoung gestures at his mouth as if to remind him to close it, lest he wants to catch flies. Seokmin hears his teeth clack together before words start spilling out of his mouth. “Oh, God – no, that’s not it at all! He didn’t do anything wrong!”

Hansol’s expression shifts into something significantly less threatening. “Oh. Okay.”

“What’s up, then?” Seungkwan asks.

Seokmin sighs. “Hao and I like Kim Mingyu,” he mumbles, turning and hiding his face in Soonyoung’s shoulder when he feels a hot flush spread across his skin. Soonyoung pats the top of his head reassuringly. “So Hao asked him out and now they’re on a date.”

“Without you?” Soonyoung asks, brows furrowed.

“I panicked and told him I had plans with you guys,” Seokmin admits.

Hansol laughs a little. It’s cute, and for a minute Seokmin wishes he and Hao had fallen in love with Seungkwan and Hansol instead. Everything would be so much easier.

“You do like Mingyu, right?” Seungkwan asks suspiciously.

“Yeah,” Seokmin says. “Did I not say we both do? Because we – ”

“No, you did,” Seungkwan says. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t just going along with it because Minghao likes him.”

Soonyoung frowns. “That does sound like you, Seok. You’re not doing that, are you?”

“No.” Seokmin can’t quite look at them. “I mean. Not anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Seungkwan asks sharply.

“I agreed to it at first because I wanted Hao to be happy,” Seokmin says. He feels Soonyoung’s arm tense a little around his shoulders, so he quickly adds, “It’s okay, though! I – I kind of started liking Mingyu too? Because he’s really nice and cute and he sits next to me in stagecraft now and we talk. So it’s not just about what Hao wants anymore.”

Soonyoung is still frowning and seems to be trying to decide how best to respond. Seungkwan looks conflicted. “That doesn’t sound super healthy,” he says.

“It’s honestly fine,” Seokmin says. “Don’t worry, okay? I just – I love Minghao a lot, you know? If I can do something to make him happy, I will. Plus I’m getting a really cute boyfriend out of it too.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Soonyoung says, but he doesn’t seem too sure of himself. “Have you talked to Minghao about this?”

“Kind of,” Seokmin says.

“Well you need to tell him everything,” Soonyoung says. “I don’t care how much he wants to date Mingyu, he’s been dating you since high school. He always puts you first.”

“I know,” Seokmin says. Guilt climbs up in his throat, unbidden. Hansol seems to catch on, leaning forward out of Seungkwan’s embrace to grab Seokmin’s hand. He squeezes firmly, smiling at him.

“That’s not something to feel bad about,” he says gently.

“I know,” Seokmin says again.

“Minghao puts you first because he wants to,” Hansol continues, like he knows exactly what Seokmin needs to hear. “You shouldn’t blame yourself for that. He wants you to be happy too.”

Seungkwan’s expression is fond, which is to be expected; he and Hansol are probably the sappiest couple Seokmin knows. Soonyoung’s brows are creasing again.

“Do you really feel like that?” he asks, voice wounded.

“Like what?” Seokmin deflects.

“Like you’re burdening Minghao by having him care about your wellbeing,” Soonyoung says – snaps, really, which Soonyoung doesn’t ever do. Soonyoung isn’t someone who gets mad or annoyed very often.

Seokmin snorts and tries to play it off as a joke. “Well when you put it that way…”

“You do,” Soonyoung sighs, unamused. “Okay. You really need to talk to Minghao about this.”

“I will,” Seokmin promises. “Can we just watch something now?”

Soonyoung looks up at the TV, where Netflix is still on. Seungkwan and Hansol don’t say anything.

“Okay,” Soonyoung says, picking up the remote and dropping it in Seokmin’s lap. “Fine. But you have to talk to him.”

“I will, I will, hop off my dick.”

—

Seokmin doesn’t talk to Minghao about it.

To be fair, Minghao is so excited when he gets back from his date that Seokmin actually forgets to bring it up. Minghao goes on and on about how Mingyu blushed when Minghao complimented him, how they bickered a lot but without any actual conflict, how they stole each other’s fries although they’d ordered them the exact same way. Minghao is practically glowing, and it makes Seokmin’s heart race. Clearly the date went well, which means Seokmin is going to have to set something up with Mingyu soon. He’s not sure how he’s going to even try to measure up to Minghao.

So, yeah, Seokmin forgets about his promise to Soonyoung while Minghao rambles on and on about Mingyu, but he remembers right afterward. That essentially makes his excuse meaningless, and it leaves him with an ugly reminder of how terrible he is with confrontation. He usually tries to leave that to Minghao, who is not only comfortable with confrontation but is also usually willing to barge into it head-on with nunchucks.

Seokmin’s not brave. It’s not something he usually has a problem with, but now that he’s staring love dead in the eye, he wishes he didn’t always cower. His friends keep making fun of him for it – Soonyoung and Seungkwan do, at least.

That’s why he runs to Jeonghan again for advice.

“Back again, Seok-ah?” is what Jeonghan says when Seokmin shows up at his door. He’s shouting a bit to make himself heard over the sound of the rain, but the usual coy nature of his teasing comes across anyway. “Did flirting not work out for you?”

Seokmin blushes. “Well – ”

“Come inside, you idiot,” Jeonghan interrupts, rolling his eyes. “We can talk about it once you’re out of the rain. Are you hungry?”

Seokmin isn’t, but he nods anyway as he follows Jeonghan inside, because Jeonghan will make him something regardless of his answer. Jeonghan ushers him onto the couch before going to the kitchen to put some pop tarts into the toaster. As much as Jeonghan likes to mother everyone, he can’t cook to save his life. Sometimes Seokmin wonders how he and Seungcheol even survive.

“So what’s happened since I last saw you?” Jeonghan asks when he comes back five minutes later holding a paper plate with four pop tarts on it. He plops down on the couch next to Seokmin, handing him one of the sweets. Seokmin takes it.

“Hao went on a date with Mingyu,” he says. Jeonghan raises an eyebrow. “They wanted me to come with them, but I got out of it because I got kind of overwhelmed when Minghao brought it up and told him I was busy. They had fun, though. Now I have to go on a date with Mingyu alone.”

It doesn’t sound too bad; Seokmin is good at downplaying things so that his problems don’t sound as trying as they are, which is something he prides himself in. But Jeonghan is staring at him through slightly squinted eyes, and it makes him a little nervous although he doesn’t know why. Jeonghan sets the plate down on the armrest and sighs.

“You’re worried Mingyu won’t like you as much as he likes Minghao,” he finally says. Seokmin knows it’s not a question. Jeonghan, when he’s really serious, doesn’t ask questions.

“I guess so,” Seokmin mumbles. “But – both ways.”

Jeonghan frowns. “What do you mean by that, honey?”

“What if Minghao ends up liking Mingyu more than he likes me?” Seokmin asks.

He can feel a familiar burn behind his eyes, like he’s going to cry, but he’s barely even registered it before Jeonghan is scooping him into a hug, tucking him between his arms so that Seokmin can bury his face in Jeonghan’s chest. Even if it’s a little awkward with Seokmin being broader and taller, he finds himself clutching at Jeonghan’s shirt, sniffling. Seokmin hasn’t cried in a while, in part because he really is happy most days. The other part of it is that on the days that he’s not feeling his best, he doesn’t want to waste anyone else’s time by being so sensitive and whiny.

But with Jeonghan wrapped around him, he can’t even bring himself to be concerned about it. Jeonghan is warm and safe and stroking his hair so gently he’s half convinced he’s imagining it, and Seokmin doesn’t sob or bawl or even cry particularly hard. He just quietly sniffles into Jeonghan’s shirt, taking long, deep breaths and ignoring the hot tear or two running down his cheek.

“You remember when Cheol and I were dating Jisoo, don’t you?” Jeonghan asks softly. Seokmin nods. “It was so nice. We were so happy with him.”

Seokmin does remember that: Seungcheol and Jeonghan wrapped up around their pretty, cat-eyed American. The three of them had looked good together, and as weird as it had been at first – Seokmin hadn’t even been aware of poly relationships before, and neither had most of the rest of the group – everyone had quickly seen how good they all were for each other. That’s probably a big part of why Soonyoung, Seungkwan, and Hansol had been so supportive when Seokmin told them about Mingyu.

Currently Seokmin is expecting Jeonghan to say something like how he should take the chance before it’s too late, or how he could miss out on the best relationship of his life if he lets fear hold him back. What he’s not expecting is for Jeonghan to say, “Did I ever tell you why Cheol and I stopped dating Jisoo?”

Seokmin shakes his head. Jeonghan smiles sadly.

“It was… miscommunication,” he says. “Jisoo was always wrapped up in school and work and we didn’t get to see him much. He got a little paranoid, because Cheol and I  – you know how Cheol is. He’s always coddling you babies and hugging his friends and all that. I do that too. Jisoo never brought it up, he just kept working and studying. I think he was hoping it would blow over.”

“It didn’t?” Seokmin guesses in a very small voice.

“Of course not,” Jeonghan says, fondly ruffling Seokmin’s hair. “So we didn’t know it was even bothering him until it was too late, and by then he’d convinced himself that he was some sort of third wheel even though we didn’t see it that way at all. We loved him so much, Seok-ah. He went right back to L.A. not knowing how much we missed him when he was gone. Cheol cried for weeks.”

Seokmin knows that means Jeonghan cried for weeks as well, but he doesn’t comment on it. Jeonghan pulls back to wipe Seokmin’s cheeks dry.

“I know you’re going to go through with this whole poly thing for Minghao regardless of how you’re feeling,” Jeonghan says, “so there’s no point in me trying to sway you one way or another. But you need to make sure they understand how you feel, or you’re all going to end up getting hurt. So talk to them, okay?”

“That’s what Soonyoung said,” Seokmin mumbles.

“Well, Soonyoungie was right for once,” Jeonghan says. “Talk to them. You might end up regretting it if you don’t.”

What he says is, in essence, the same thing as what Seokmin had gotten from Soonyoung. But Jeonghan understands – has gone through something so similar – in a way that Soonyoung ever will, and Seokmin resolves to try harder.

Chapter Text

from: unknown Hey, is this Seokmin?

to: unknown yes who ru

from: unknown It’s Mingyu! Minghao gave me your phone number. I hope you don’t mind. :)

Seokmin minds, but Minghao’s not home for him to complain about it, so he just sighs and sinks further into the bed.

to: mingyu no ofc not hahaha

Seokmin frowns. That sounds a little dry.

to: mingyu haaHAHAha

to: mingyu so funny

Damn it, now he sounds like a maniac. He starts typing again, trying to appeal to any sense of dignity he might have left, before deleting it and groaning. He bites his lip and tries again.

to: mingyu so how ru

from: mingyu I’m doing great, now that I’m talking to you. ;)

Seokmin’s brain short-circuits. Is Mingyu flirting with him? Why would someone like Mingyu be attracted to someone like Seokmin?

Realistically, Seokmin knows he probably doesn’t. Mingyu obviously likes Minghao, and Seokmin automatically comes as part of the package deal. That’s okay. Seokmin can make the best of it.

to: mingyu uhh same

to: mingyu i mean me2

to: mingyu ditto

This is terrible. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this awkward in his life.

from: mingyu Hahaha.

from: mingyu Listen I know this is kind of out of the blue, but are you free this weekend? Minghao told me about the dating-separately-first thing and I think it’s a great idea! I can’t wait to get to know you better.

to: mingyu really

That is not what at all wanted Seokmin had wanted to say.

to: mingyu i mean same

to: mingyu yes

to: mingyu and yea i’m free if u wanna do fri/sat night but sundays r hw days that u can’t deprive me of

from: mingyu Haha I wouldn’t dream of it.

from: mingyu But yeah, Saturday night would be great!

to: mingyu yeah

from: mingyu I hope you like Chinese food. :)

Seokmin does like Chinese food. Minghao’s mom makes it all the time, and Junhui used to always drag Seokmin to different Chinese restaurants before he moved back to China. Seokmin wonders if Minghao told Mingyu what he did and didn’t like; it makes him a little self-conscious, thinking about the two of them talking about him.

to: mingyu chinese sounds great

to: mingyu hey i gotta go but i’ll cu in class tmr

from: mingyu Okay. See you!

to: mingyu hahahahaha bye

Seokmin muffles a frustrated shout into his pillow.

—

When Seokmin walks into class the next day, Mingyu is terribly underdressed again – probably didn’t even change after waking up, although it’s nearly eleven – but he still looks cute, bags under his eyes and his hair a mess. Seokmin’s heart does the weird flip-flop thing in his chest again.

“Hey,” Mingyu says, beaming at Seokmin the moment he spots him. “You look cute today.”

Seokmin momentarily forgets how to breathe. “Oh,” he says. “Oh, wow. Thanks. You – you too.”

Mingyu’s smile widens a bit despite Seokmin’s terribly worded response. Seokmin sits down beside him, face burning so badly he’s sure he looks like a tomato. He’s not even sure what to say to salvage the conversation.

“I really hope you don’t mind,” Mingyu says then. He’s still smiling, but if Seokmin looks closely he can see a little bit of strain in it.

Seokmin frowns. “Mind… what?”

“This whole thing,” Mingyu says, voice strangely light and cheerful. “Minghao told me you’ve never been in a poly relationship before. I don’t want to… make you uncomfortable.”

Seokmin can’t help noticing that Mingyu and Minghao go about confirming his willingness in very different ways. Minghao always confronts the issue bravely, whereas Mingyu seems to be tiptoeing around it. He hopes this isn’t how they deal with problems all the time, because that might make things more than a little difficult should the three of them ever fight – especially since Seokmin tends to shy away from problems as well.

“You’re not!” Seokmin says quickly when he realizes he’s just been staring wordlessly at Mingyu for too long. “You’re – it’s not you, I swear. I’m just really… bad? At all this? I don’t know what Hao told – ”

“I don’t know if it’s even possible to be bad at dating,” Mingyu says over Seokmin’s rambling. “And, uh. For the record, I think you’re doing fine.”

“I keep getting nervous,” Seokmin admits, burying his face in his hands. “Sorry.”

Mingyu smiles and reaches over peel his hand off his face, intertwining their fingers, which seems to instantaneously convince Seokmin’s heart that it’s in the middle of a life-or-death foot chase. “Don’t apologize, it’s cute,” Mingyu says sincerely. “I really like you, you know.”

What Seokmin wants to say is, Thanks. I like you too.

What he does end up saying is, “Why?”

Mingyu looks confused, which is fair. “Why what?”

“Nothing,” Seokmin says quickly, turning away and blushing madly again. “Forget I said that.”

“Seokmin – ”

The teacher conveniently chooses to start class right then, and for once Seokmin writes diligent notes, not letting his attention waver from the lesson once. He can feel Mingyu’s eyes on him almost the whole time.

When class is over, he only mumbles a hasty, “See you Saturday,” before grabbing his things and leaving quickly.

(Minghao is quieter than usual when he gets home from dance that night. Seokmin has a feeling Mingyu’s told him what happened, although Minghao doesn’t actually bring it up. It’s not until they’re in bed and Seokmin is drifting off to sleep that anything happens to confirm his suspicions.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” Minghao murmurs into Seokmin’s neck. He’s wrapped around Seokmin like a koala, which is kind of adorable. Seokmin is too sleepy to really comprehend it, so he only hums agreeably and squeezes Minghao’s hand, not even opening his eyes.

Evidently Minghao knows what’s happened, and Seokmin knows he knows what’s happened, but they don’t talk about it.

That’s starting to become a trend, because even though Seokmin has promised his friends that he will talk to Minghao, he’s been putting it off anyway.)

—

Before calling the impromptu meeting, Seokmin hadn’t seen Seungkwan and Soonyoung for nearly three months simply because they’d all been so busy with their own lives. But Seungkwan must have totally forgotten about all those weeks of radio silence, because he calls and tells them to come over just a few days afterward. He says it’s an emergency, so of course Seokmin rushes over immediately. Soonyoung is in the middle of a class, but he promises to be there as soon as he’s done.

“Thank God you’re here,” Seungkwan says the second he opens the door to let Seokmin in. “Come on, Hansol is in my room. You’ve gotta see this.”

“See what? What’s wrong with him?” Seokmin asks, but Seungkwan doesn’t answer, just grabs Seokmin’s wrist and starts pulling him in the direction of the bedroom. “Seungkwan?”

Hansol is sitting in the middle of his and Seungkwan’s shared bed, giggling at something on his phone. He’s slouching in a way that promises a few days’ worth of back pain, and he looks a little loose-limbed but otherwise unharmed. Seokmin turns to Seungkwan. “I don’t get it.”

“Don’t be fooled by his calm appearance,” Seungkwan says very dramatically, his voice hushed so that Hansol doesn’t hear them from where they’re standing in the doorway. “Someone gave him pot brownies and he won’t tell me who. He’s high off his rocker.”

As if on cue, Hansol looks up at them. At the sight of Seungkwan, his face lights up like Christmas tree that’s just been plugged in, which is probably the cutest thing that Seokmin has ever seen.

“Kwannie!” Hansol exclaims, dropping his phone and making grabby hands at Seungkwan. Seungkwan glances exasperatedly at Seokmin, but he looks so stupidly fond that Seokmin isn’t surprised for a second when he gets on the bed and lets Hansol climb into his lap. Hansol takes his time getting comfortable, wrapping his legs around Seungkwan’s waist and tucking his face into Seungkwan’s neck.

“I’m here too,” Seokmin teases.

“You’re not important,” Seungkwan says back while Hansol twists around to look at Seokmin.

“Hi Seokmin-hyung!” he says, excited but considerably less so than he was to see Seungkwan. Luckily, Seokmin wasn’t expecting much from him. “I just had some brownies.”

Seokmin stifles a laugh. “Yeah, I heard.”

“They were really good,” Hansol says, then giggles. “Like. So good! I love brownies!”

“That’s very nice, Hansol,” Seokmin says. “Who gave you the brownies?”

Hansol looks like he’s trying to remember. His eyebrows are scrunched up and he’s fidgeting in Seungkwan’s lap, which Seungkwan makes a mildly annoyed face at. “Joshua-hyung,” Hansol finally decides.

“You couldn’t have told me that earlier?” Seungkwan grumbles.

“What?” Seokmin says, a fraction of a second later.

“Yeah!” Hansol says. “I ran into Joshua-hyung at the store and he invited me over. He had a lot of brownies. He should be a brownie cooker. Brownie-er.” He laughs. “Brownie-er!”

Seokmin is suddenly less concerned about the pot brownies. He shares an uneasy glance with Seungkwan. “Jisoo-hyung is back in town?”

“Guess so,” Seungkwan says absently, carding a hand through Hansol’s hair. Hansol yawns loudly and tightens his grip on his boyfriend. It’s cute.

“Do you think Jeonghannie-hyung and Seungcheol-hyung know he’s back?” Seokmin wonders.

“I don’t know,” Seungkwan says. “Why does it matter?”

Seokmin suddenly realizes that Seungkwan doesn’t know what happened with Jisoo – Jeonghan had told Seokmin about that privately. “Just wondering,” Seokmin says. He clears his throat awkwardly. “Anyway. It looks like you’ve got this taken care of – ”

“Don’t you dare leave,” Seungkwan says, tone threatening despite him trying to be quiet as to not wake Hansol, who is falling asleep in his lap. “I don’t know a thing about drugs, what if something happens?”

“I don’t know anything about drugs either!” Seokmin protests. “What do you think I’d be able to do?”

Seungkwan glares at him. “You’re staying.”

Seokmin glares back but doesn’t argue; once Seungkwan makes up his mind about something, it’s very hard to argue with him and win. They lapse into silence. It’s not particularly comfortable, but there’s no tension, so mostly Seokmin is just sitting there feeling more like a third wheel than he ever has in his life.

Then Hansol sniffles and mumbles something into Seungkwan’s shoulder. Seungkwan’s expression melts, which Seokmin makes a show of gagging at.

“What was that, Sollie?” Seungkwan coos, peeling Hansol off his shoulder. Hansol pouts.

“Do you think pineapples have feelings?” he asks. Seokmin laughs, which makes Hansol pout even more. “I’m serious! Like. Do you think they get sad when they have to watch their family get killed and eaten?”

“I don’t know,” Seokmin says, trying not to laugh again.

“What if they do?” Hansol says. He looks like he’s about to burst into tears. “They’re probably so sad! They have to watch their family members get murdered!”

Seungkwan is about to respond when there’s a knock on the door. Seokmin immediately hollers, “I’ve got it!” and rushes out of the room.

It’s Soonyoung at the door. He looks as worried as Seokmin had been upon showing up, which is a little silly now that he knows what’s happened. Hansol can now be heard sobbing from the bedroom, and Soonyoung’s eyes widen.“What happened?”

“Seungkwan’s freaking out because Hansol got pot brownies from Jisoo-hyung,” Seokmin tells him, rolling his eyes. “Now Hansol is talking about pineapples having feelings.”

Soonyoung wrinkles his nose. “Oh. I remember those days. Pot brownies. I thought Hansol would be more giggly.”

“He was, until he started crying,” Seokmin says. “Soonie, did you know Jisoo-hyung was back in town?”

“Yeah, Jihoonie said Jisoo-hyung was at the shop the other day buying a guitar,” Soonyoung says. “I didn’t know if he was just visiting or if he moved back.”

Seokmin frowns. “I feel like we should tell Jeonghannie-hyung…”

Hansol’s crying intensifies, and so does the sound of Seungkwan’s frantic attempts at soothing him. Soonyoung winces. “You know what, you can tell hyung if you want. Let’s deal with Hansol first.”

Right. Soonyoung doesn’t know the Jisoo story either.

“Okay,” Seokmin agrees, and they go back to Hansol and Seungkwan’s bedroom. Hansol is consoled quickly enough, but Seungkwan doesn’t let Seokmin leave until twenty minutes before his next class starts.

—

Saturday evening comes far too quickly. Seokmin spends two hours getting ready, which Minghao makes fun of him for, and an additional half hour freaking out. Minghao is much nicer about that, although Seokmin can see him struggling to not joke about it.

He arrives at the restaurant fifteen minutes early, but Mingyu is already checking in at the front desk. His face lights up when he spots Seokmin, and Seokmin can’t help smiling back.

“You look great!” Mingyu says, reaching out like he’s going to give Seokmin a hug, but changing his mind halfway through and awkwardly patting his shoulder instead. Seokmin is torn between embarrassment and laughter.

“You too,” he says back. An overwhelming sense of pride spreads across his chest for finally managing to avoid the thanks, thank you fiasco this time. And Mingyu does look great, of course – he’s wearing tight jeans and a striped button-up, which makes Seokmin want to shrivel up and die. He’s so beautiful.

The waitress shows them to their table. Apparently Mingyu had made reservations beforehand, which is cuter than it has any right to be. Seokmin has never been to this restaurant before; if he wants Chinese food, he can usually get Minghao to make it. Minghao’s not the best chef, but it’s the thought that counts. That, and it’s cheaper than eating out.

“So how are you?” Mingyu says, right as Seokmin blurts out, “Great weather we’re having.”

They both freeze for a second, Mingyu in surprise and Seokmin in embarrassment. Then Mingyu laughs. “I mean. It’s raining.”

“I like rain,” Seokmin says, trying to salvage what he can of his fuck-up.

Mingyu smirks. “Do you like rom-coms and long walks on the beach, too?”

“Yes,” Seokmin confesses. “Minghao says it’s because I’m a romantic at heart.”

It’s less of a joke and more of an accidental word vomit, but Mingyu laughs. Seokmin’s heart flips like a schoolgirl who’s been doing gymnastics all her life.

The waitress comes back and takes their orders. Seokmin orders the cheapest selection on the menu, which is more of a force of habit than anything else, since it’s just how he’s had to live as a college student. Mingyu doesn’t seem to notice; if he does, he doesn’t say anything.

“Tell me about yourself,” Mingyu says once they’re alone again – at least, as alone as they can get in public. His tone is enticing, as it always is, but at the same time it’s so terribly corny that it makes Seokmin laugh. The corner of Mingyu’s lips twitches. “What?”

“Nothing,” Seokmin says.

Mingyu squints at him, lips purses in amusement. “Liar,” he accuses, but he doesn’t press. “Okay. What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue,” Seokmin says automatically. “What’s yours?”

“Black.”

Seokmin wrinkles his nose. “Oh. You sound like Minghao.”

“You seem to have a type,” Mingyu teases, smiling a little. Seokmin wonders what they must look like – two brightly blushing boys too shy to properly make eye contact. Mingyu awkwardly clears his throat, shifting in his seat. “Okay, your turn.”

“What?”

“Ask me a question.”

“Oh.” Seokmin sneaks a glance at Mingyu just as Mingyu looks up at him, and he looks away again almost immediately. “Uh, do you have any siblings?”

Mingyu looks relieved at the easy question. “Yes! I have a little sister. What about you?”

“I have a sister too,” Seokmin says. “Did that count as a question for you?”

“Doesn’t really matter,” Mingyu says. “I have another one. What’re you studying?”

That one’s a little more personal. Seokmin fidgets. “I’m a theater major,” he says. “It’s – I just really like music and acting, I guess. I’m not as good at it as Hao is at dancing.”

“I’m sure that’s not even remotely true,” Mingyu says, frowning. “Minghao says you have the voice of an angel.”

Seokmin blushes again. “Hao exaggerates a lot,” he mumbles, although he knows that Minghao is, in fact, very blunt. “What about you? What’re you studying?”

“Oh, I’m in culinary arts,” Mingyu tells him. “I’m minoring in business. I want to open my own restaurant one day.”

“That’s really cool,” Seokmin says, meaning it. “Wait, why are you taking stagecraft if you’re in culinary?”

“My parents wanted me to try and expand my horizons,” Mingyu says. He sounds a little exasperated by it, but Seokmin’s only barely heard it in his voice before it’s gone. “Clearly I’m terrible at it, though. The only thing I can really do is cook.”

“Well you’ve got me beat there,” Seokmin admits. “You have to cook for me one day.”

“That’ll be our next date,” Mingyu promises.

Seokmin freezes. Next date? Mingyu likes him enough to keep trying despite how awkward he is?

No, he remembers, Mingyu likes Minghao enough to keep trying despite how awkward Seokmin is. There’s a difference. Maybe it’s not a very big difference, but it makes him shift awkwardly in his seat, hands coming up to the table to mess with his silverware. He misses the way Mingyu’s eyebrows raise questioningly.

The food is good – much better than Minghao’s sad attempts at cooking from home. Seokmin will have to bring Minghao here sometime, although he’s sure Mingyu will beat him to it; clearly he has more money than Seokmin, especially since he models. Seokmin just does some tutoring here and there for local high school kids. He doesn’t make much, but thanks to his scholarship he doesn’t really need to. His parents send money all the time, saying that they want him to focus on his education so he doesn’t lose the scholarship.

But just because money isn’t a problem doesn’t mean Seokmin doesn’t feel bad about it. Minghao comes from a wealthy family, but he’s been taking advantage of their school’s work study programs for forever and actually makes a fair amount. Seokmin feels useless sometimes, not working, but he can’t actually get a job with the amount of classes he’s taking right now. Maybe next semester he’ll lighten up his courseload to make time…

“I had a great time,” Mingyu says, later, despite the two of them having barely talked throughout their date. “It’s.. really nice getting to know you.”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says, trying for a smile.

It’s awkward for a minute. Seokmin doesn’t know what else to say.

“I’ll see you in class, then?” Mingyu says.

“Of course,” Seokmin agrees.

They part ways. Seokmin sits in his car for a few minutes before starting it up, blasting the most obnoxious music he can find on the radio, and driving home.

—

“How’d it go?” Jeonghan asks when Seokmin goes to his apartment after class the next day. “Any progress?”

“Barely,” Seokmin says. He goes to the couch without any prompting from Jeonghan and cuddles up to him when the elder sits down a moment later. “It was really awkward.”

Jeonghan squints at him. “Okay, why do I get the feeling you’re not here to talk about Mingyu?”

“Probably because I’m not,” Seokmin confesses. “It’s – it’s about you, actually.”

“What does that mean?” Jeonghan asks, looking suspicious.

“Nothing bad,” Seokmin says quickly. “Just something I just wanted to let you know. Hansol said Jisoo-hyung is back in town.”

Jeonghan’s arm tenses around Seokmin’s shoulders, but his face betrays no emotion. His voice is perfectly even. “Jisoo went back to L.A. over a year ago.”

“I know,” Seokmin says. “But Soonyoung said Jihoon-hyung saw him at work – ”

“I don’t care,” Jeonghan interrupts. Seokmin blinks.

“Yes you do,” he argues.

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t feel,” Jeonghan says sharply.

Seokmin frowns and moves so that Jeonghan’s arm slips off his shoulders. Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrow. “You didn’t want to break up with him,” Seokmin reminds him. “You regret not talking him out of leaving. I know you better, hyung.”

Jeonghan glares at him. Seokmin glares right back, because he knows he’s right. This is for Jeonghan’s sake, anyway, and Seokmin has a good feeling about how it’s going to go. A great feeling, even.

Finally Jeonghan sighs and slumps back into the couch, bringing one hand up to his face to cover his eyes.

“Of course I care,” he mutters ruefully. He sounds so tired that it makes Seokmin’s heart physically ache for him. “We never got to clear things up with him. I… hate that he thinks we didn’t love him the way we loved each other.”

He seems to be over his anger now, veering into regret. Seokmin carefully leans back into him, slipping his hand into Jeonghan’s and squeezing. Jeonghan squeezes back gently.

“Sorry I snapped at you,” he says, taking his other hand away from his face. “I know you mean well. I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“But Jisoo-hyung loved you too, right? So he didn’t really want to break up either?” Seokmin tries.

“I like to think so,” Jeonghan says. “Seok, listen, I know you’re trying to help, you always are. But Jisoo leaving hurt a lot, and on top of that I had to watch Seungcheol’s heart break too.” He smiles sadly, running his thumb over Seokmin’s knuckles. “I don’t know if we can take him leaving again.”

Seokmin is still trying to figure out what to say when Jeonghan clicks his tongue and leans forward to take Seokmin’s face in his hands. Jeonghan wipes his cheeks gently, and Seokmin realizes belatedly that he’s crying.

“So emotional,” Jeonghan teases, wrapping Seokmin in a tight hug. “You should be comforting me, not the other way around. Don’t cry.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin mumbles, but his voice comes out shaky and he wipes his suddenly runny nose. “I don’t want you to get hurt, hyung,” he adds pitifully.

“I know, angel,” Jeonghan coos. “It’s okay, I’m okay.”

They sit in silence for a while, Seokmin slumped against Jeonghan’s chest and Jeonghan running fingers through his hair. It’s comforting in a way no one else seems to achieve, bar Seokmin’s mother. Seokmin’s never told Jeonghan that, but he probably knows anyway.

Seokmin decides to give it one more try, for Jeonghan’s one good.

“Hyung,” Seokmin says, “you trust me, don’t you?”

Jeonghan’s hand in his hair stops moving, but for just a second. He sighs. “Seok-ah – ”

“Hyung, please,” Seokmin begs, pulling back to pout at Jeonghan. “You’ll never know if you don’t try. What if it turns out well and you get him back?”

“What if I don’t?” Jeonghan counters.

“Well, you won’t know unless you try,” Seokmin fires back.

Jeonghan stares at him, calculating, then finally sighs again and pats his cheek. “You won’t let this go, will you?”

Seokmin had been planning to let it go if that last attempt hadn’t worked, but there’s no reason to tell Jeonghan that now. “No,” he says, pouting harder. He can visibly see the moment Jeonghan gives in, and he has to fight a self-satisfied smile.

“Okay,” Jeonghan says, “but if we’re doing this, we’re doing it my way.”

“Okay,” Seokmin agrees easily.

“You’re going to text him,” Jeonghan says, already laying out the plan, and Seokmin sits up straight, focusing. “Ask him to hang out with you. Then figure out whether or not he wants to get back with us.”

“What about you and Cheol-hyung?” Seokmin asks.

“You tell me once you’ve figured out what Jisoo wants,” Jeonghan says. “We don’t say a word to Cheollie until we know for sure. I don’t want to get his hopes up.”

Yoon Jeonghan is a good man, even if no one would ever admit it. Under all his snark, he’s loyal and kind and fiercely protective. Seokmin wishes he could be half the man Jeonghan is, but Seokmin has long since made peace with the fact that he is a coward.

“I won’t let you down, I promise,” Seokmin says earnestly, trying his best to convey his sincerity through his words, and Jeonghan smiles and ruffles his hair.

“I know,” he says. “Now give me your phone.”

Seokmin blinks at him. “Oh, we’re doing this right now?”

Jeonghan gives him a look. Seokmin quickly fishes his phone out and hands it to Jeonghan, who puts in the password with practiced ease. Seokmin gapes. “You know my password?”

“I know everyone’s password,” Jeonghan says, already typing away. “Okay, here.”

to: jisoo-hyung hey hyung i heard u were in town

“That sounds like you, not me,” Seokmin points out.

“It’s not like it matters,” Jeonghan says dismissively. “Now if he’s the same as he was before, he should be responding in just a second.”

As if on cue, a message pops up on the screen. Seokmin leans into Jeonghan’s personal space to read it when the elder doesn’t immediately hold the phone out for him to see.

from: jisoo-hyung yes, i am! i haven’t heard from you in forever. :)

from: jisoo-hyung how have you been?

Jeonghan shoves the phone into Seokmin’s hand. “You respond. He’ll notice it’s me if I keep talking.”

Seokmin raises his eyebrows at that but doesn’t comment on it. Jeonghan doesn’t seem to realize the underlying meaning of his own words, so Seokmin doesn’t mention it.

to: jisoo-hyung prt good how ru

from: jisoo-hyung that’s good to hear! i’ve been doing fine, thank you.

“He’s so fucking polite,” Jeonghan says, an odd mix of scathing and fond. Seokmin isn’t sure how he’s meant to respond to that. “Are you busy this weekend?”

Seokmin thinks about it. “No.”

“Ask him if he’s busy this weekend.”

“But it’s Saturday – ”

“Seokmin.”

Jeonghan is scary when he’s serious. Seokmin turns back to his phone.

to: jisoo-hyung hyung ru free this weeknd??

to: jisoo-hyung ik it’s kinda last min but:(

from: jisoo-hyung i’m free tomorrow! what do you want to do?

Jeonghan smirks. “I told you.”

“Hyung,” Seokmin whines. “I’m helping you, stop bullying me.”

“I treat you better than anyone else, don’t complain,” Jeonghan says. “You like coffee, don’t you? Ask him to coffee.”

Seokmin pouts at him but does as he asks.

to: jisoo-hyung do u wanna go get coffee

from: jisoo-hyung that would be great! if you still live near the university, we can go to the cafe jun works at, right off the campus.

to: jisoo-hyung oh jun moved back 2 china a while ago lol but ik which one ur talking abt

to: jisoo-hyung that works ru free at 3

from: jisoo-hyung 3 is fine.

from: jisoo-hyung i’ll see you tomorrow! can’t wait to catch up. :)

Seokmin looks back at Jeonghan and smirks at the utterly lovestruck look on his face. “I’m telling you, hyung, this is going to be good.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes but ruffles Seokmin’s hair again. “I hope so.”

—

It’s usually quiet in the apartment when Seokmin gets home from his last class, but today there’s a movie playing on the TV and the sound of giggling from the couch. Seokmin shuts the door behind him. “Minghao, is that you?” he calls, just to make sure it’s not a murderer.

“Yeah, come in here,” he hears Minghao say, followed by more giggling. Upon walking into the living room, Seokmin discovers that Minghao is buried under two blankets and what at first glance seems to be a clothed tree but upon further inspection is a human being. Seokmin yelps and rushes back out of sight of the two of them.

“Seok?” Minghao asks.

“How could you do this to me?” Seokmin complains. “I look disgusting right now, we’re not far enough in our relationship – ”

“Seokmin, it’s fine,” he hears Mingyu say. “You probably look just as cute as you always do.”

“I don’t,” Seokmin whines petulantly.

There’s some hushed whispering before Minghao’s voice rings out again. “Come watch Harry Potter with us, please?”

It’s a tempting offer, and Seokmin knows Minghao knows it. Seokmin hesitates for only a second before returning to the living room and and sitting down at the opposite end of the couch from them. “Fine,” he grumbles. “But only because I like Harry Potter.”

“Good enough for me,” Minghao says. He and Mingyu are tightly wrapped around each other, both under the blankets. It looks ridiculously domestic and natural and Seokmin’s heart clenches so quickly he’s left reeling for a second.

“See, you do look cute,” Mingyu tells Seokmin, smiling shyly. “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Seokmin’s face is a bright red, and he glues his gaze to the TV but can’t seem to focus properly. “Thank you. Thanks.”

Damn it.

Minghao snorts. “You two are ridiculous. Just watch the movie.”

They do. Seokmin loves Harry Potter and always gets completely absorbed in the movies, and this time is no exception. Within minutes he’s enraptured by the story and is hardly even aware of the snuggling couple just a few feet away from him.

But that means that when the movie ends, he’s pulled sharply back into reality and feels his heart drop into his stomach when he sees how Minghao and Mingyu are both asleep, cuddled up and pressed tightly against each other. They’re even holding hands like it’s a scene from some sick sort of K-drama. Part of Seokmin is overwhelmed with just how much he feels for the two of them.

The other part, though – the ugly part, buried much, much deeper and always kept hidden from other people – aches.

Seokmin’s not brave. He’s starting to think he might never be brave, because he’s terrified. Terrified of not being loved back, terrified of being the forgotten one, terrified that he may have fallen in love with these two beautiful boys only to eventually find that they need each other more than they need him.

Most of all, he’s scared that that may already be the case, and he’s not even brave enough to run from it.

Chapter Text

Jisoo is already standing outside the café doors when Seokmin pulls up just before three. He looks almost the exact same as the day he’d left, but something about him seems… older. His edges seem softer, somehow, and when he spots Seokmin, honey seems to drip from his smile. More importantly, he seems to be the same Jisoo that Jeonghan and Seungcheol had known. Seokmin thinks that’s a good sign.

“Hey, Seokmin,” Jisoo says, beaming, as Seokmin approaches him. “You look great!”

“Speak for yourself,” Seokmin says. “I think you actually look younger than you did before.”

Jisoo’s smile widens. He doesn’t look shy about taking the compliment at all, which is… new. Seokmin likes it. “You big flatterer,” Jisoo says. “C’mon, let’s go inside.”

In contrast to Jisoo’s apparent newly developed confidence, the café hasn’t changed a bit. The low lights and relaxed ambiance make this place a popular place for the university students to hang out or study between classes, but miraculously it’s always quiet. There’s always some fairly non-mainstream music playing softly in the background, courtesy of the manager’s Spotify Premium. Today, Dean is playing from the speakers, and Seokmin sings along under his breath.

As they go to order, Seokmin can’t help missing the wide smile and friendly greeting that Junhui used to always throw his way. Junhui and Minghao are constantly texting even now, but Seokmin hasn’t heard from him in a while. Jisoo doesn’t say anything about Junhui’s absence; Seokmin suddenly can’t remember whether they used to be close or not.

“How was L.A.?” Seokmin asks once they’re sitting at a table with their drinks in front of them. Jisoo takes a sip of his steaming coffee and elegantly sets the cup back on the table. Seokmin feels very juvenile in that moment, with his own cup full of hot chocolate.

“It was nice,” Jisoo says. “I forgot how different it is there.”

“Tell me about it,” Seokmin urges him.

Jisoo smiles. “Well, it’s a lot sunnier there. It’s noisier. The food is greasier.”

“But you liked it, didn’t you?” Seokmin asks.

“Of course,” Jisoo says. “It’s not a bad kind of different, I was just more aware of it. It’s kind of like having to get used to being called Josh after being called Jisoo for a couple years, you know?”

Seokmin doesn’t actually know, because he’s only ever been called the same thing, but he nods enthusiastically anyway.

“I hadn’t seen a lot of people in a while.”

“Are you seeing someone now?” Seokmin asks, them immediately winces.

Jisoo laughs, startled. “What?”

“Sorry,” Seokmin quickly says, ducking his head and flushing. “I don’t know where that came from.”

“Yes you do,” Jisoo says, not missing a beat. “Did you just ask if I’m seeing someone?”

Seokmin can’t seem to unglue his gaze from his feet. He can feel Jisoo’s gaze on him, curious but not unkind. “Um…”

“Answer the question,” another voice sharply says from behind Jisoo. Seokmin swears he feels something in his neck crack from how quickly he looks up, and Jisoo whips around just as quickly.

“Jeonghan?” he breathes.

Seokmin’s thinking the same thing. The plan was for Seokmin to talk to Jisoo alone, not for Jeonghan to show up, although with Jeonghan’s anxious tendencies he probably couldn’t stand to sit at home while Seokmin took care of it. It really isn’t a surprise that Jeonghan is here, if Seokmin thinks about it; it’s not a bad thing, either, seeing as Seokmin hasn’t exactly been doing a stellar job of investigating Jisoo’s motives.

“Well?” Jeonghan says, snappish, but Seokmin can hear the beginnings of a quiver in his voice. If the past year hasn’t changed things – the important things, anyway – then Jisoo can undoubtedly hear it too. “Are you seeing someone?”

Jisoo makes a weird, choked noise in the back of his throat, his whole face flushing pink. “No,” he says, sounding a lot less timid than he looks. It seems to surprise Jeonghan as much as it surprises Seokmin, but not in a bad way. There is nothing bad about how slightly different Jisoo seems to now be.

“Oh,” Jeonghan says, clearly at a loss for words.

“But, uh,” Jisoo goes on. His eyes flicker away for just a second. “I wouldn’t be against seeing someone.”

Jeonghan quirks a brow. “Someone,” he repeats.

“Multiple someones, even,” Jisoo goes on.

“Really,” Jeonghan says, expression unreadable.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean,” Jisoo says. He rolls his eyes and takes another sip of his coffee. Seokmin can see something change in the way Jeonghan’s staring at Jisoo, but he can’t pinpoint what it is.

“Okay, I won’t,” Jeonghan says easily. “But obviously we’re going to have to talk about this before we do anything.”

“Of course,” Jisoo says. He looks like he wants to say something more, maybe ask a question about what Jeonghan wants to clear up, but he glances over at Seokmin and pauses. “Uh…”

“Oh,” Seokmin says, awkwardly remembering his place. He abruptly moved to get up, wincing at the screech of his chair. “Right. Sorry, I’ll leave you to it – ”

“It’s okay, Seokmin,” Jisoo says kindly. “Thank you for setting this up.”

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything, but his eyes somehow radiate gratitude when he smiles at Seokmin as the youngest leaves hastily. Seokmin grins to himself. He knew this was going to turn out well.

—

Minghao holds Seokmin’s hand throughout the whole drive from their apartment to the diner. Seokmin wonders if his hands are as clammy as he thinks they are. Maybe Minghao would’ve complained about it by now. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t look too bad, though, or Minghao wouldn’t have let him leave the house. That, or Minghao was trying to spare his feelings, and he actually looks disgusting…

“Chill,” Minghao says, squeezing his hand. “You look fine.”

Seokmin blinks. “How’d you know I was thinking about that?”

Minghao glances away from the road for a second to smirk at him. “I know everything,” he says very seriously.

“Right, okay,” Seokmin says, but he laughs a little, nerves settling slightly. “Sorry. I’m just nervous.”

“I know,” Minghao says lightly. “There’s no reason to be. Gyu really likes you.”

They’ve progressed to nicknames already? Seokmin must really be behind. “I hope so.”

This time when they get to the place, Mingyu isn’t there yet, which gives Seokmin some more time to calm down while they wait. Minghao continues to hold his hand as they sit in the dimly lit booth.

“Sorry I’m late,” Mingyu says immediately when he rushes in just a few minutes past seven, sliding into the seat. “Things ran late at the shoot, I tried to get here as quickly as I could – ”

“Well you’re here now, aren’t you?” Minghao says. “Don’t worry about it.”

Mingyu blushes a little. Seokmin, suddenly a little too warm, lets go of Minghao’s hand and shifts a little on his seat.

Minghao gives him a weird look but doesn’t mention it. “I’m glad we’re finally all together now,” he says instead.

“Yeah, me too!” Mingyu says, looking relieved to have something to talk about. “I’ve, uh, never spent really time with both of you at once.”

“Aw, were you nervous?” Minghao teases. Seokmin wonders if the whole Harry Potter thing is something they’ve already forgotten had happened.

Mingyu blushes some more. He’s unfairly cute, which really isn’t helping the uncomfortable churning of Seokmin’s stomach. “No,” Mingyu says, a hint of a pout on his lips.

Minghao laughs. Seokmin actually thinks he might be sick.

The waiter interrupts them then to take their order. This diner is one of the few that Seokmin and Minghao visit frequently, but Seokmin doesn’t think he could eat if he tried, so he only orders fries. Minghao looks at him like he’s crazy.

“What?” Seokmin asks when the waiter walks away.

“Are you not feeling well?” Minghao asks.

Seokmin hates lying to Minghao, but even Mingyu has his brows furrowed in concern, so he figures it can’t hurt to just bend the truth a little. He settles his gaze back on the table. “No, I’m – I’m just not hungry, that’s all.”

Even without looking, Seokmin knows that Minghao knows he’s lied. Mingyu, on the other hand, sounds genuinely convinced, saying, “Are you sure? You’re not sick or anything?”

Feeling brave, Seokmin looks up to meet Mingyu’s worried gaze. He tries to force a smile, but it’s clearly strained, so he drops it just as quickly. “Don’t worry, I’m not. It’s just been a long day.”

To be fair, it has been a long day, but only because Seokmin has been dreading this date since he woke up. Minghao is squinting at him now, disbelieving.

“Okay,” Minghao says evenly. Seokmin knows they’re going to talk about this later. “Gyu, how was your day?”

“Pretty good, actually,” Mingyu says, glancing warily between the two of them at the sudden change of subject. “I had a class this morning, but after that it was just the shoot. I don’t usually have time to myself so it was nice.”

“That’s good to hear,” Minghao says, smiling at him.

There’s a brief moment of silence. Seokmin finds himself staring down at his lap again.

“Sorry, I know I’m rambling,” Mingyu rushes out. “This is just – how are you, Seokmin?”

Seokmin looks up, glancing at Minghao for just a second before turning to Mingyu. “Me? – oh, yeah. I’m good. Great.”

Minghao’s expression softens a little, as if in understanding, and he reaches over under the table to slip his hand back into Seokmin’s. Mingyu blinks a little.

“That’s good,” he says, not nearly as awkward as Seokmin but awkward nonetheless.

“Can you excuse us for a second?” Minghao says.

He tugs Seokmin out of the seat before Mingyu actually gets a chance to answer. Seokmin follows silently, keeping his head down. Minghao leads him into the bathroom.

“Seok, what’s going on?” he asks. “I know you were nervous, but you’re never like this.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin mumbles. “I’m just… I don’t feel too well. And being nervous is kind of making it worse.”

Minghao frowns. “You said you weren’t sick.”

Seokmin shrugs half-heartedly. Minghao sighs and squeezes his hand.

“Are you too sick to sit through another half hour of this?” he asks, somewhere between his usual concern and an unfamiliar exasperation.

Seokmin shakes his head quickly. “No, it’s not that bad,” he says honestly. It’s not. He’s not sure why he feels like he’s going to throw up, because he’d been fine this morning. It might just be nerves, and he would hate for something as stupid as that to get in the way of Minghao and Mingyu’s date. “Let’s get back.”

Minghao looks unsure, but he says, “Okay.”

The food is starting to come out when Seokmin and Minghao get back, and Mingyu is sitting awkwardly and texting. Minghao easily starts the conversation back up as they start to eat, and although the talk with Minghao has filled Seokmin with a bitter sort of guilt for making it hard on Mingyu, Seokmin only listens while they talk, barely touching his food. He tries to chime in a couple times, but he never quite knows what to say, so he ends up sitting in silence feeling an awful lot like a third wheel. It’s not their fault. It’s his, for being so awkward and uncomfortable.

He doesn’t even notice that the conversation has come to a stop until the quiet starts buzzing in his ears, and his head snaps up. Mingyu and Minghao are both staring at him, confused and frustrated respectively, and he blinks. “Sorry. What did you say?”

Minghao sighs and brings his hand up to rub his temples. Mingyu gives a little self-deprecating laugh.

“I think I should go,” he says, pulling out his wallet. He pulls out a wad of cash, barely looking over it before laying it on the table next to his half-empty plate. “This should cover mine. I’ll talk to you later, I guess.”

“Yeah, you will,” Minghao says, quietly enough that Seokmin’s not sure Mingyu hears it as he leaves. Minghao buries his face in his hands, groaning.

Seokmin doesn’t know what to say, so he settles for a shaky, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Minghao repeats, glaring at him. “Seok, if you didn’t want to date him, you should’ve just said so! I told you from the beginning it wouldn’t work out unless everyone was all in – ”

“I do want to date him,” Seokmin tries.

“Well you’re not acting like it!” Minghao says, exhaling so hard Seokmin thinks he can see the fight leaving with his breath. “Gyu and I have talked about this, you know. He was worried you didn’t like him. I told him you were nervous and that’s just how you get, but if this is how you always act around him then he has every reason to be worried about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Seokmin says again, thinking he might actually throw up if he tries for more than two words even if they mean nothing.

Minghao shakes his head. “Whatever. Let’s just go.”

They get the leftovers in to-go boxes and leave the diner wordlessly, neither of them willing to make eye contact. It’s not a long drive home. Seokmin doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

It gets him thinking: maybe Minghao had meant it before when he said Seokmin was enough for him, but that was before he’d gotten a taste of what Mingyu is like. Now, though, he knows – knows how lovely Mingyu can be, and how funny and kind. Now that he’s probably already halfway to being in love with Mingyu, having only Seokmin to love and be loved by will never be enough again.

When they get to their apartment, Minghao doesn’t the kill the engine. Seokmin pretends he doesn’t notice as he gets out of the car, curious as to what’s going on but too scared to ask. Minghao finally speaks up when Seokmin doesn’t think he can stall from shutting the car door any longer.

“I can’t be here tonight,” he says quietly. “Not with – you.”

Seokmin tries not to let his hurt show on his face. “Okay,” he says, but his voice doesn’t sound the way it normally does.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe,” Minghao says. Seokmin shuts down the urge to question the ‘maybe’ by shutting the car door. Minghao drives away almost immediately, and Seokmin stands and stares after the car even after it goes out of sight.

Seokmin thinks about calling Soonyoung, who is probably exhausted from his dance classes. He thinks about calling Hansol and Seungkwan, who are probably spending quality time together. He thinks about calling Jeonghan, who is probably with Seungcheol and maybe even Jisoo.

The funny thing is, Seokmin goes to them when he has a trivial problem that he just wants to complain about, or when he wants to tell them about something stupid that happened, but he’s always afraid to bother them when things are serious. He hates to waste their time on his dumb, childish emotions. He’s an adult. He can get over it himself.

Accordingly, Seokmin thinks about calling them, but he ends up going back inside and curling up alone on what is usually Minghao’s side of the bed.

—

As bad as that night as, the next morning is even worse. Seokmin spends close to an hour trying to cover up his puffy, red eyes with makeup, although it doesn’t really work. Makeup is Minghao’s forte, and Seokmin has always been kind of useless at it.

He wants to make it up to Mingyu – Minghao, too, but Mingyu first, because he’s probably feeling worse about what’s happened. Seokmin feels pretty shitty too, but it’s his own fault, so he doesn’t get to be comforted.

Seokmin doesn’t recognize the location on Minghao’s phone, so he can only blindly hope that it’s Mingyu’s place. He heads there around ten in the morning, and he stops by a grocery store on the way there and buys the nicest bouquet of flowers he can afford. He’s already been doing a terrible job in this relationship, so he needs the presentation bonus.

The house that Minghao’s location leads him to is something that looks to be out of a movie. It’s small and colorless from the outside, but it’s elegant, so much so that Seokmin would have thought he was at the wrong house if not for Minghao’s car parked in the driveway. Mingyu must be richer than Seokmin expected.

Seokmin parks next to Minghao’s car and walks up to the front door, one hand clutching the flowers. He swallows his anxiety and rings the bell. The door opens just a minute later to reveal a very sleepy-looking Mingyu on the other side, blearily rubbing his eyes and squinting down at him.

“Seokmin?” Mingyu says, sounding confused. Seokmin blushes a little at his morning voice. “What’re you doing here?”

It’s suddenly harder to look at him. Seokmin struggles to not let his gaze drop to his shoes as he holds out the flowers. “Um. I, uh. I wanted to apologize.”

Mingyu suddenly looks a lot more awake, as if he’s only just remembered the disastrous date. He frowns a little but takes the flowers, fingers brushing gently against Seokmin’s. “Come on inside,” he says, and it’s not the ideal response, but it’s not an immediate rejection, so Seokmin will take it. He follows Mingyu inside.

The interior of the house is only marginally more lived-in than the exterior suggests it is. The furniture is basic and the only decorations on the walls are fancy paintings. It doesn’t reflect Mingyu as a person at all; in fact, it seems a little… empty. They sit on the couch in the living room, but far enough from each other that they’re not touching at all.

Mingyu doesn’t say anything as he sets the flowers down on the table, so Seokmin starts talking almost immediately. “A-about yesterday. I didn’t mean to be rude. I didn’t. I did feel a little sick, but that’s – that’s not an excuse. I know I’ve been really shifty and tense around you and – ”

“Is it because of me?” Mingyu interrupts.

Seokmin blinks. “What?”

Mingyu’s sudden burst of confidence seems to have dissipated, because suddenly he’s pointedly not looking at Seokmin either. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asks.

“No, not at all,” Seokmin rushes out. This is exactly what he’d been afraid of, Mingyu blaming himself when it’s entirely Seokmin’s fault. “Why would – you’ve been nothing but nice to me! I just don’t know how to handle myself around you. That’s not in any way your fault.”

Mingyu looks a little disbelieving. “I was telling the truth about really liking you,” he says anyway. “I do. Minghao says you’re funny and sweet and I’ve seen some of it for myself, too. There’s really nothing to be nervous about.”

“Doesn’t stop me,” Seokmin mumbles.

Mingyu goes quiet, contemplative, and Seokmin is scared to break the silence. Silently Mingyu scoots over on the couch until they’re touching, and he drapes an arm over Seokmin’s shoulders.

“I know you don’t mean to hurt anyone,” Mingyu says softly. “Not me, not Minghao. It’s just not in you. I don’t have to even actually know you to see that.”

“That’s really nice of you to say,” Seokmin says absently, a little distracted by the comforting warmth of Mingyu’s body.

Mingyu gives a soft laugh at that, but quickly grows serious again. “I’m trying my best, Seokmin, but it’s hard when I keep having to stop and wonder if you actually want to do this or not. There needs to be work put in from all of us. And we need you to be honest.”

“Hao told me that too,” Seokmin says. “I know I’m doing a terrible job. The last thing I wanted was to make it harder for you. I know – you have it harder than us anyway, since you’re the new one and you’re probably a little insecure about it.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Mingyu agrees. Seokmin tries not to read too far into it.

“I really wanted to make it easier on you,” he says. “I didn’t want to make you feel like – like we didn’t want you or something. But I’ve been really… I really do like you, and – and of course I like Hao, I just. It freaks me out.”

Mingyu furrows his eyebrows, but doesn’t respond to that. Seokmin shifts awkwardly.

“I get scared,” he confesses. “You’re, like, perfect. Everyone knows that. And Hao is.. well, he’s perfect too. Maybe I can get lucky once, but twice? Come on – ”

“Shut up,” Minghao’s voice interrupts from behind them, and Seokmin whips around in surprise to see him standing in the doorway. Mingyu looks a little guilty, which means he has definitely been aware of Minghao’s presence. “How could you ever think you’re not good enough for us?”

Seokmin finds himself hiding behind Mingyu, who mercifully doesn’t pull away. “I never said that,” he tries weakly.

“It was pretty heavily implied,” Minghao snaps as he stomps over to the couch before stopping in front of Seokmin. “Do I not tell you I love you enough? We don’t expect you to be perfect, Seok, we just want you to be you. That’s what you’ve given me since we started dating. Do you think I would still be dating you after five years if it wasn’t enough for me?”

Seokmin thinks about his fear that having Mingyu around might raise Minghao’s standards and move Seokmin below the bar, but he has a feeling that would make the situation worse, so he doesn’t bring it up. “No,” he admits.

Minghao sighs and plops down on the couch on Seokmin’s other side. He reaches out and laces his fingers through Seokmin’s. “I appreciate you coming here to apologize,” he says, his voice much softer than it usually is. “I was hoping, but I wasn’t expecting you to. Gyu and I talked last night, and we agreed that we’re both willing to try again if you are.”

Seokmin can’t help his shock. “What? Really? But I – ”

“We’re willing to pretend all that didn’t happen,” Mingyu says kindly. “And again, if this is something you don’t want, there are other options. You and Hao were dating first, anyway, so I can back off if that’s what you really want. We don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced into this in any way.”

Seokmin can’t believe how nice Mingyu is being about this. It’s kind of ridiculous, actually. “What the – no. Of course I want to try again, I’ll do better, I just.. I don’t know why you would, after how shitty I’ve been.”

“Well, luckily, you’re cute enough that we can look past that,” Minghao says, although Seokmin knows that just means they care enough about him to forgive him. It makes his heart do a weird series of flips in his chest. “So that’s a yes? We’re trying again?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says, squeezing his hand as Mingyu turns to encase both of them in a hug. Seokmin tries not to tense up. He only mostly succeeds, but it’s much better than he’s been doing, so he considers it progress. “Let’s try again.”

—

That night is more than a little awkward. Seokmin has only actually fought with Minghao once or twice throughout the entirety of their relationship, so he has no idea how he’s supposed to act now that they’ve made up. Minghao doesn’t seem to know, either, because he’s quieter than usual. Normally, Seokmin would do something to try and fix it, but he’s done enough apologizing today, and he doesn’t know what else to do. He ends up not trying at all.

Eventually, Minghao sighs and rolls over in the bed so that they’re facing each other.

“I wish I knew how you felt before,” he says, sounding like he’s carefully picked his words.  Seokmin appreciates it – he’s not sure how he would feel if Minghao had said you should’ve told me how you felt or something like that, because he already knows he fucked up. It’s not a nice feeling. “I.. I never wanted to hurt you, either.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Seokmin says. “You were great about everything. I just – got scared.”

“Well, I wish I realized you weren’t completely comfortable with it,” Minghao says. “I know you were trying. And I’m sorry I said what I did last night. I didn’t mean it.”

Seokmin reaches out to take his hand, and Minghao squeezes back immediately. “It’s okay if you meant it. I deserved it.”

“I wanted it to hurt,” Minghao admits. “I don’t know why, but I did. I was frustrated.”

“I’m sorry I frustrated you,” Seokmin says quietly, giving him a small smile.

Minghao looks like he wants to argue, but he seems to change his mind and only leans over to kiss Seokmin. His hands rest lightly on Seokmin’s cheeks, so gentle Seokmin barely feels it, and he presses their foreheads together when they pull apart. Seokmin’s heart swells, feeling impossibly warm.

“I love you so much,” he says.

Minghao smiles. “I love you too. No matter what happened with Gyu, I would’ve stuck by you. I like him a lot, but… you’re everything to me, Seok. You know that, right?”

“I’d be okay with sharing that position with Mingyu eventually, if he makes you happy,” Seokmin says sincerely, dodging the question.

“You’re too sweet for your own good,” Minghao murmurs. “I’d love that, but only if you feel the same way about him. And, you know, if he feels the same way about us.”

“Of course,” Seokmin quickly agrees. “I honestly really like him, even if I haven’t…”

“Yeah,” Minghao says, understanding the implication when Seokmin trails off. “I know you do. I saw it when you came over to talk.”

Seokmin feels his cheeks heat up, and he’s glad the room is dark. Minghao would make fun of him if he could see it. “Was I that obvious?”

“Mhm.” Minghao slides skinny fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, it was cute. You and Gyu are both ridiculous.”

“We’re not,” Seokmin protests. “We’re just… getting to know each other.”

Minghao smiles in a way Seokmin has come to associate with silent fondness, and kisses his forehead.

—

Jeonghan calls and asks Seokmin to come over just a few days after that, which means something has definitely happened with Jisoo. Naturally, that means Seokmin heads there as soon as he can, because he’s been waiting for an update on them for what feels like forever.

“Hey,” Jeonghan says casually when Seokmin shows up, but Seokmin can tell he’s excited. “Have you eaten yet?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says.

Jeonghan gestures to the couch. “That’s nice. Sit while I get you some food.”

Seokmin laughs but does as told. Jeonghan comes back a few minutes later with a plate of kimbap, which is decidedly an upgrade from the pop tarts.

“Jisoo cooked when he came over,” he explains, going a little pink in the cheeks.

“He came over?” Seokmin asks, unabashedly excited for him.

“Yeah, yesterday,” Jeonghan says. “We talked about it. All three of us. We’re going to give it another try.”

“I told you!” Seokmin exclaims. “Imagine if you hadn’t listened to me, hyung.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Okay, so you were right for once.”

“This basically makes me a romance god,” Seokmin says. “Are you going to go on a date?”

“Mhm. We’re going out to dinner this weekend. Cheollie really wants to try and take it slow.” Jeonghan smirks a little. “I think we can handle a little more than that…”

“Ew, hyung,” Seokmin complains. “Can we not be gross about this? I really don’t want to know.”

Jeonghan laughs at him, ruffling his hair. “I’m  messing with you. I just wanted to tell you what’s been going on.”

“That’s okay, I wanted to know,” Seokmin reassures him. “Oh, by the way, some stuff happened with Hao and Mingyu. We kind of had a fight.”

Jeonghan raises his eyebrows. “About what? You and Minghao don’t fight.”

Embarrassed, Seokmin takes a kimbap roll and shoves it in his mouth, lowering his eyes. He’s stalling, but all he ends up achieving is half a minute of awkward silence only broken by the sounds of his chewing. Jeonghan watches, only mildly amused.

“You know how I’ve been really, like, awkward around Mingyu?” he says. Jeonghan hums noncommittally. “Well, we went on a date, and it was really bad…”

“Of course it was,” Jeonghan says, but he leans closer to Seokmin and throws an arm around his shoulders. “Did Minghao get mad at you for it?”

“Mingyu thought I was being weird because I didn’t like him so he left,” Seokmin tells him. “And Minghao stayed at his place for the night, so I went and apologized the next morning and we talked about it. They said they want to try again – and that’s great! – I just kind of… I’m kind of scared that I’ll mess up again, you know?”

He kind of says all of that in one breath. Jeonghan sighs.

“It’s not your fault,” he says. “And Minghao knows you get shy when you like someone. I don’t think he blames you for it.”

“I hope not,” Seokmin says. “I’m going to try harder and maybe not make Mingyu feel shitty anymore. That’s the new goal.”

“Why didn’t you call me when it happened?” Jeonghan asks. “You were home alone after fighting with your boyfriends and your instinct wasn’t to call your best friend?”

Seokmin doesn’t miss the way Jeonghan refers to both Minghao and Mingyu as his boyfriends, and it makes him blush a little. “You were probably busy with Seungcheol-hyung,” he says.

“I could’ve dragged him over too, and we would’ve had a movie night with ice cream and everything,” Jeonghan says. “It sounds like you kids are doing better now, but if something happens you know I want you to call me.”

“I will,” Seokmin promises.

“Good,” Jeonghan says. “Now eat your kimbap.”

Chapter Text

Things get a little better from there.

Seokmin gets a job. As hard as Minghao tries, he has never been able to make Seokmin feel any less useless about not working and leeching off of his parents’ money. Seokmin knows Minghao feels guilty that he can’t help with it, and with how sweet Mingyu has shown himself to be, Seokmin has a feeling he’d feel guilty about it as well.

So Seokmin tries to deal with that problem before it can really manifest. Things are complicated enough without adding Seokmin’s personal issues to the mix.

Soonyoung’s mom knows a guy who knows a guy whose mom owns a local grocery store. Upon first meeting, the little old lady seems to decide very quickly that she loves Seokmin, and from then he only has to do minimal convincing to get a job as a cashier.

Minghao questions him a bit about why he’s suddenly home less often, but doesn’t press when Seokmin explains that he’s gotten a job. Minghao starts inviting Mingyu over more often, so sometimes when Seokmin gets home, he’ll find a movie playing on the TV in front of his two boyfriends – boyfriends! – who are cuddled up against each other, fast asleep.

Regardless of the weird feeling in his stomach when he sees them that way, Seokmin tries to keep his face blank of any discomfort every time he wakes them up to remind them that Mingyu has to go home unless he wants to miss his morning class the next day. Minghao will kiss him goodbye, usually, and Mingyu will blush and kiss both him and Seokmin before leaving.

Something about it still hurts, but it’s lovely all the same, and Seokmin figures the pain will go away with time. With the difficulty of juggling school and work, the next few weeks blur together. Seokmin slowly learns to stop walking on eggshells around Mingyu, because maybe neither of them will break after all.

In any case, it is hard to be intimidated by Mingyu when Seokmin has seen him with his drool staining Minghao’s shirt. Seokmin eventually gets to a point where he can initiate cuddle sessions with Mingyu on his own or slip his hand into Mingyu’s when their professor goes off on a tangent that they don’t need to take notes on. While Minghao’s affection is heavily dependent on kind words and consistent reassurances, Mingyu’s comes through in touch, and Seokmin can find no reason to deprive either of them of that.

So maybe the ache doesn’t go away as easily as Seokmin had hoped it would, but having Mingyu and Minghao by his side makes it significantly easier.

—

When Minghao goes to China for a weekend to celebrate his mother’s birthday, Mingyu comes over to keep Seokmin company. Seokmin has to work most of Saturday and Mingyu has a photoshoot Sunday, but they figure that spending the nights together will be better than nothing. Seokmin, especially, has grown accustomed to company and feels terrible falling asleep alone. Even if he isn’t completely comfortable around Mingyu yet, he would rather be with him than without.

Mingyu kisses him more softly than usual when he comes home from work Saturday evening. He’s wearing a shirt that must be Minghao’s, because it’s too short on him, and Seokmin’s joggers, which are also too short on him. It’s cute. Seokmin can’t help smiling.

“I didn’t realize I was dating a double-closet pajama thief,” he teases. He finds it’s easier to talk to Mingyu if he pretends it’s Minghao or Soonyoung or Seungkwan, so he’s trying that tactic. It’s been working much better so far.

“Hey, I only raided your closet!” Mingyu protests. “Where do you think I got this shirt?”

“That’s Hao’s shirt,” Seokmin tells him.

“Then you’re a thief and a hypocrite, because it was definitely in your closet,” Mingyu says.

Seokmin laughs and kisses him again. He can feel Mingyu’s smile against his lips, and it makes him smile too. They don’t get very far after pulling apart before Mingyu wraps his arms loosely around Seokmin’s waist.

“How was your day?” Mingyu asks.

“Good,” Seokmin says. “Better, uh, now,” he adds, feeling a little bold.

Mingyu smiles. “Now that you’re with me?” he asks.

He seems to be joking, although Seokmin had been serious, so Seokmin only hums in agreement and pulls him tighter. Mingyu is much bigger than Minghao – broader and warmer and taller. Seokmin finds that he doesn’t mind at all.

“I’m really glad we’re getting to spend time alone together,” Mingyu tells him later that night, when they’re laying on the bed in the darkness and just talking. “I feel like I never see you anymore.”

“Sorry,” Seokmin says. “I’ve been.. busy. It’ll be better after midterms.”

Mingyu scrunches his nose. “Don’t remind me.” He squeezes Seokmin’s hand. “But I get it. I know you have a lot going on.”

“I really wish I could spend more time with you and Hao,” Seokmin says sincerely. “It’s – ” (he has to stop himself from saying um or uh again) “ – really nice.”

Maybe it’s not quite so nice when he feels like an intruder walking in on Minghao and Mingyu, but he has no reason to tell Mingyu that, especially when they’ve only just gotten back on their feet. It’s something Seokmin will get over eventually, anyway. Besides, he can still enjoy being with them; the enjoyment usually even trumps the discomfort. They make him smile.

“I’m glad you think so,” Mingyu says softly, kissing him again, and God is Seokmin glad that this is how Mingyu’s affections come through best.

A little later, when they’re next to each other on the couch with a show playing that neither of them understand, Mingyu suggests, “Let’s play twenty questions.”

Seokmin gets the remote and turns down the TV, shifting in his seat. Secretly, he’s a little glad that Mingyu came up with something to do, because the show had really been boring him. “I’m really bad at coming up with questions,” he confesses.

“We can look some up, it’ll be fine,” Mingyu says dismissively, and proceeds to pull out his phone and do just that. “It’ll be like our first date.”

Seokmin had forgotten that they’d taken turns asking each other questions that first night, and he makes a face at the reminder. “I was so awkward,” he whines, although he’s pulling his phone out as well. It’s not like things have changed much. He’s still fairly awkward.

“Well then you can make up for it now and we can pretend that never happened,” Mingyu says easily. He’s so stupidly cute. How is Seokmin supposed to ever say no to him?

“I’ll start, I guess,” Seokmin says, sighing exaggeratedly. Mingyu pouts at him, and he laughs. “When was the last time you climbed a tree?”

“What kind of question is that?” Mingyu asks.

“I don’t know, it’s the first one on my list,” Seokmin says. “Answer.”

Mingyu pouts again. “I’ve never climbed a tree before,” he confesses. “I’ve been too tall to climb trees since I was ten and I had noodle arms until I was six. Between the ages of six and ten I didn’t really want to climb any trees, so now I’m too late and it’s one of my many regrets in life.”

“How can you be too tall to climb trees?” Seokmin asks, thinking of the huge tree right outside the university entrance where the students like to hang out. It is considerably taller than Mingyu.

“I just have too much leg,” Mingyu answers, and that’s that. He looks back at his phone. “Okay, here’s one. What’s your favorite piece of clothing that you own or have owned?”

“You’re wearing it,” Seokmin says.

Mingyu looks down at himself. “Your joggers?”

“The shirt, doofus.”

Mingyu grins. “You are so whipped.”

It’s weird coming from him, since they’re all dating now, but Seokmin laughs anyway. Something strange must come over him, because he proceeds to say, “Well, you’re so cute I can’t help myself.”

Mingyu abruptly stops laughing when he gets the joke, jaw dropped and eyes wide. Seokmin feels himself blush and, embarrassed, he covers his face with his hands. “My God,” Mingyu says. “Lee Seokmin, did you just flirt with me?”

“Stop it,” Seokmin whines, bright red. “I don’t know where that came from, don’t make fun of me.”

Grinning widely, Mingyu leans over and leaves a loud, wet kiss on his cheek. “Your turn,” he says.

They spend the rest of the night similarly, talking about nonsense things and touching constantly. The more Seokmin gets to see of Mingyu’s beauty, the more he thinks that this might be it – that even if Mingyu is only really Minghao’s, a part of Seokmin belongs to him now, just like a part of Seokmin belongs to Minghao. In all honesty, he’s not sure how it works. It might be that all of him belongs to both of them at once.

The next morning, Seokmin wakes up to long legs intertwined with his and sunshine falling in warm stripes over the golden skin of Mingyu’s cheek, and if he had any doubts the previous night, he suddenly can’t remember them.

—

With Christmas fast approaching, Seokmin finds himself working longer hours so that he can save up enough money to buy nice gifts for his boyfriends. The problem with that is that it’s also midterm season, and he needs to keep his grades up unless he wants to risk losing his scholarship. He doesn’t, obviously, so he studies.

That leaves very little time for romance, or friends, or anything outside of the realm of work or school. Even so, Seokmin tries his best to keep up with Jeonghan, Jisoo, and Seungcheol, who have been working hard on proper communication; Soonyoung, whose dance classes are suddenly becoming very popular; and Seungkwan and Hansol, who are somehow still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship despite having been friends for forever and together for nearly a year. Seokmin texts all of them as regularly as he can manage to, although it’s admittedly not very regular at all.

As hard as he tries, he is minutely aware of all the things that are going wrong. Seokmin keeps having to miss dates. He is so exhausted that sometimes he’ll get home and go right to sleep without even acknowledging Minghao, and so busy that he goes days without seeing Mingyu at all although Mingyu makes a point of coming over regularly. Seokmin tries to text him often to avoid the disaster they’d run into before, but with his schedule, it’s difficult.

But about once a week, he’ll get lucky and come home to both of his boyfriends doing something domestic and sickly sweet. Mingyu loves to cook, which Seokmin remembers him saying, and Minghao apparently loves watching Mingyu cook, because this is a sight that Seokmin is slowly getting used to.

There is one day in particular, a few weeks after they start dating and barely half as long until Christmas, that stands out. Seokmin enters the apartment with a heavy sigh and a dull ache in his shoulders from having hunched over a book for hours, and immediately the smell of Peking duck hits him.

“Seokkie, you’re home!” he hears Mingyu say happily when he shuts the door. It makes his heart all warm.

“Hi,” Seokmin says, setting his books down on the couch and going to the kitchen to immediately drape himself over Mingyu’s back. Minghao is currently preoccupied with watching the duck cook in the oven and Seokmin is too tired to be nervous, so he doesn’t think twice about it when he winds his arms around Mingyu’s waist and buries his face into Mingyu’s shoulder. “Missed you.”

Mingyu does an awkward spin so that he can wrap his arms around Seokmin too, hugging him tightly as Seokmin leans into his chest. Minghao seems to have satisfied his curiosity with the duck, and he comes closer to gently kiss Seokmin’s cheek.

“Long day?” he asks, his hand resting lightly on Seokmin’s face.

Seokmin hums in agreement and pouts at him. “Can we take a nap before we eat? Please?”

“Sure,” Mingyu says while Minghao glances longingly at the oven. “We have to wait another half hour for the duck anyway.”

A half hour is more than Seokmin’s had to himself for the past week, and it sounds lovely.

“Come on, let’s go to our room,” Minghao says.

They all end up cuddled up in Minghao and Seokmin’s queen-size bed. It’s way too small for three grown men and Mingyu’s legs hang off the edge, but Seokmin has never been so content to be so close to them. Mingyu sets an alarm for twenty-five minutes, and they sleep.

That is the most quality time Seokmin gets to spend with them for a while.

—

Seungkwan and Hansol invite Soonyoung, Seokmin, and one of Hansol’s friends over some two weeks before Christmas. He is the last to arrive, again, and they’ve already started watching a movie when he gets there. Seungkwan and Hansol are nearly on top of each other on the couch, and beside Hansol is a cute, baby-faced boy with a crooked jaw and slanted eyes. He acknowledges Seokmin with a friendly smile but goes right back to watching the movie after that. Soonyoung, on the boy’s other side, scoots over to make room for Seokmin on the couch.

Seokmin ends up not watching much of the movie at all, because he falls asleep within a few minutes. He wakes up to quiet talking and Soonyoung’s hand combing through his hair. Seokmin blearily blinks his eyes open, and Seungkwan grins at him from across the couch.

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” he says.

“What time is it?” Seokmin asks.

“Time for you to get a watch,” Hansol’s friend says.

Seokmin squints at him. Hansol laughs.

It turns out that Hansol’s friend is a younger boy named Chan, and he’s a dance major like Soonyoung. He and Hansol met through a shared class and stayed friends after a group assignment; Seokmin can immediately see how affectionate and soft they are with each other in the way they keep giggling at one another’s jokes. On the other hand, Chan and Seungkwan are constantly bickering, but not in a mean way. They remind Seokmin a little bit of Mingyu and Minghao.

Seokmin pauses in his mental analysis to yawn. Soonyoung looks down concernedly at him.

“Why’re you so tired?” he asks.

Seungkwan and Chan are quiet now, listening. Seokmin shrugs, leaning into Soonyoung. “Midterms,” he says by way of explanation. “And I’ve been working.”

Soonyoung makes a face. “You poor thing.”

“It’s not that bad,” Seokmin says.

It’s a lie, and based on the skeptical look on Soonyoung’s face, he knows it. Seokmin looks away and pretends he doesn’t notice.

“Seungkwan told me you have two boyfriends,” Chan takes the opportunity to say.

Seungkwan glares at him. “Leave me out of this.”

“I do have two boyfriends,” Seokmin confirms.

“How did you manage to do that?” Chan asks. “I can’t even get one boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Seokmin says. “Um. I don’t know. I grew up with one of them and he seduced the other one into dating us.”

“This could be us, but you playin’,” Seungkwan says under his breath.

“Shut up, Seungkwan,” Chan says.

Hansol laughs.

Seokmin has seen Seungkwan with a crush before; in fact, he watched Seungkwan fall in love with Hansol, ignore him for a month to try and get rid of the crush, and freak out when Hansol confessed. So Seokmin is fairly sure that Seungkwan is just joking around with Chan, but somehow that puts a weird ache in his chest because of the nature of the joke. Have Seungkwan and Hansol already taken Chan in as their new best friend?

Seokmin knows he’s being irrational, but he can’t help being bothered by it. It had taken him years to build his friendship with Seungkwan, and while he had heard about Hansol for ages from Seungkwan prior to actually meeting him, it had taken a substantial amount of time for that relationship to grow as well. And obviously Seungkwan and Hansol are ridiculously great people and deserve all the love in the world, and Chan seems to be wonderful as well, but that doesn’t make it any easier of a pill to swallow.

But Seokmin is aware that he’s being irrational, so he does his best to make sure no one notices his inner turmoil. It’s not their fault that Seokmin has always been harder to love than everyone else. He’s not sure how he could have expected Seungkwan and Hansol to be the exception. He knows it’s ridiculous.

The rest of the night passes with plenty of jokes and laughter, and Seokmin remedies his loneliness by curling up against Soonyoung. Chan is lovely, after all.

—

In the days leading up to Christmas, Seokmin is flooded with exams, but he doesn’t have to feel as guilty as he has been. Mingyu and Minghao are in the middle of their exams too, so it’s not only Seokmin’s fault that the three of them aren’t able to spend time together.

That Friday night, Minghao asks Seokmin if they can talk. It’s a little nerve-wracking, but he’s holding Seokmin’s hand, so Seokmin isn’t too concerned. They sit in silence on their bed for nearly two minutes while Seokmin waits for Minghao to speak.

“I think it’s time we ask Gyu to move in with us,” Minghao says eventually.

Seokmin’s eyebrows shoot up.

“I know it’s kind of early,” Mnghao says quickly. Seokmin quickly schools his face into a flat expression, knowing the surprise might have come off the wrong way. “Time has nothing to do with it, I just think… I feel like we’re ready. I think he’d want it too. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says slowly.

He looks at Minghao through the dim lighting, taking in the sight of his messy hair and dark circles. He’s worn the same pajama shirt for a few days now, and he very clearly needs a haircut and a long nap after exams are over. Seokmin’s heart swells with a familiar affection regardless.

“Okay,” he says.

Minghao blinks at him. “What? That’s – that’s it?”

“I mean, yeah,” Seokmin says. “I trust you. If it feels right to you, then I don’t see why not.”

“Please don’t just say that for my sake,” Minghao says. “It doesn’t matter what I think if you’re not ready. We need to agree on this and actually talk about it if we don’t.”

The unlike last time , although unstated, rings loudly through the air. Seokmin squeezes Minghao’s hand. “Mingyu is always here anyway,” he says carefully, because it’s easier to talk about practicality than about emotions.

“Moving in is a much bigger deal than how often he comes over,” Minghao says.

Seokmin grins. “Are you sure you’re not the one who doesn’t want him to move in?”

“Of course not,” Minghao says. “I just... don’t want you to say yes because you feel like you have to.”

“I’m dating Mingyu too, remember?” Seokmin says gently. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about that. I think it’ll be great.”

Minghao smiles back at him and scoots over so that they’re pressed against each other, leaning his head onto Seokmin’s shoulder and sighing. Seokmin wonders what it’ll be like when they have Mingyu in this bed with them instead of on the couch where they usually all hang out. No, they’ll probably have to buy a new bed. Mingyu is far too tall.

“Gyu tells me you haven’t popped the L-word yet,” Minghao says.

“Oh,” Seokmin says. He’s not sure what else to say. He knows Minghao and Mingyu say they love each other all the time, since Minghao is so dependent on words for affection; Seokmin himself tells Minghao he loves him fairly often as well. Seokmin and Mingyu just haven’t gone there yet, but it’s not as though he’s unsure about his feelings for Mingyu. In fact, he’s fairly confident that for once he knows what he’s feeling.

“I don’t know,” he says eventually. “I mean, I do. L-word him. It’s just…”

“You’re scared?” Minghao guesses. “He told me he’s pretty sure he’s in love with you. Like, ninety-nine percent sure.”

“Oh, good, me too,” Seokmin says.

“Say that to him, not me,” Minghao complains. “I swear, both of you – I’m your boyfriend, not your messenger.”

Seokmin grins and pats his cheek. “Sorry. Maybe I’ll tell him Christmas day when we ask him to move in.”

Minghao seems to be taken by surprise for a second, like he still can’t believe Seokmin’s on board with his proposal, but he doesn’t question it further. “Christmas, then,” he agrees, cheeks a little red as he smiles. Seokmin’s heart does an ambitious series of flips in his chest, but still manages to stick the landing, and he thinks that if he loved Minghao any more, he would probably burst.

—

Mingyu sleeps over on Christmas Eve after a predictably extraordinary meal. He insists on staying up until midnight so that he can be the first to wish them and his friends a merry Christmas, which is childish but also inexplicably cute. Seokmin isn’t sure how he ended up with this overgrown toddler of a man, but he isn’t complaining. Minghao himself is overly fond and affectionate as well, although that might be because of how overfed he is from dinner.

“This is our first Christmas together,” Mingyu says happily about ten minutes after midnight. He sounds like he’s just now realizing it. “Is that a relationship milestone?”

“Not really,” Minghao says, wrapped around him like a koala. Seokmin is curled into Mingyu’s other side. The bed really is way too small for this. “I think it’s just anniversaries and Valentine’s day.”

“How seriously do you guys take Valentine’s day?” Mingyu asks a little nervously.

Minghao looks across Mingyu’s chest at Seokmin and smirks. “You’ll see.”

“That’s not fair!” Mingyu complains. “How am I supposed to know what to get you then? Why are you bullying me?”

“We usually just go out to dinner,” Seokmin says placatingly. Mingyu triumphantly sticks his tongue out at Minghao, who sends Seokmin a betrayed look.

“This is why Seokmin is my favorite,” Mingyu says, laughing when Seokmin blushes and hides his face in Mingyu’s chest. “Cute.”

“Fine, be that way, both of you,” Minghao grumbles, but he pats Seokmin’s cheek gently. “He’s my favorite too. You’re not special.”

“Both of you better stop this before I combust,” Seokmin threatens into Mingyu’s chest.

Mingyu bends down and sloppily kisses him on the forehead. “At least let me take you on a cute Valentine’s day date before I kill you off,” he says.

Seokmin lets out another distressed noise while Minghao laughs. “I wish you would kill me off already,” he complains. “You two are so mean to me.”

“We literally said you’re our favorite,” Minghao deadpans.

“You’re sending me back into my gay crisis,” Seokmin whines.

Minghao snorts. Mingyu’s a little pink in the cheeks, but he still smirks. “I guess we’re even, then.”

Seokmin makes a mildly inhuman noise, covering his face with his hands. Minghao and Mingyu both laugh at him, teasing, before the three of them settle into a comfortable silence. Seokmin listens to the beating of Mingyu’s heart, slow and steady, and lets himself drift off. He’s still catching up on sleep from the last few weeks, and Mingyu is warm and comfortable even with the way he’s all scrunched up from trying to fit on the bed.

“You didn’t get me anything super expensive, though, did you?” Mingyu asks quietly, sounding worried. Seokmin thinks about opening his eyes and joining the conversation, but ultimately decides that he’s too tired. He hears Minghao laugh.

“For Christmas?” he says, just as quietly. “You’ll just have to see, won’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mingyu asks. Minghao must do something funny, because then Mingyu giggles a little and shifts. “Stop! You’re going to wake him up!”

“No, you are, if you don’t stop moving around so much,” Minghao teases. There are suddenly fingers playing with Seokmin’s hair, and he really can’t tell whose they are, but he leans into them anyway. Both of his boyfriends make soft little noises of amusement.

“He still hasn’t L-worded you yet?” Minghao asks, even more quietly than before.

Mingyu gives a loud exhale. “Can we stop calling it that? It makes me feel like I’m still in middle school.”

“That’s what Seok calls it,” Minghao says.

“Okay, fine,” Mingyu says.

The hand in Seokmin’s hair is really starting to get distracting now. He thinks it’s Minghao’s, but he can’t be sure. Either way, it’s very relaxing.

“No, he hasn’t,” Mingyu says eventually. “But I haven’t either.”

“Do you love him?”

There’s a pause.

“Of course I do,” Mingyu says. “But what if he…”

He trails off. Minghao sighs. “I hope you know…”

Seokmin doesn’t get to find out what Minghao hopes Mingyu knows, because that’s the last that Seokmin hears of the conversation before he falls asleep.

—

By some miracle, Seokmin is the first to wake up the next morning. It’s a cloudy morning, so there’s no sunlight filtering through the window, but his boyfriends look ethereal nonetheless. Minghao has one arm strewn over Mingyu and one leg stretched so far across the bed that his foot is resting on top of Seokmin’s thigh; Mingyu, for his part, has his mouth slightly open and his arms laying loosely around both Minghao and Seokmin. Both of them are bare-faced and wearing each other’s – and Seokmin’s – clothes, and they are both so beautiful in their own ways.

Sometimes, Seokmin genuinely doesn’t know why they’ve settled for him. It’s not like they couldn’t find anybody better. And if they didn’t want to be poly, they could just be with each other. Without Seokmin. It would certainly be easier for them.

But if they were to decide, one day, that they didn’t want to be with him anymore… In all honesty, Seokmin really doesn’t know what he’d do. These days, Jeonghan is so busy with school and with his own equally complicated relationship that it just wouldn’t feel right to go to him. Seokmin doesn’t even know if Seungkwan still considers him one of his best friends with Chan around, and Soonyoung has been getting busier each day with his own work. Other than those three, Seokmin can’t really imagine going to anyone else, and to ask them would make him feel terrible.

He’s startled by Mingyu shifting beneath him and yawning, bringing one hand up to wipe at his eyes. Seokmin moves to get off his chest, and Mingyu squints blearily at him.

“Good morning,” he says sluggishly.

“Morning,” Seokmin says back, feeling his heart skip a beat at Mingyu’s morning voice. It always does that. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” Mingyu parrots, leaning forward to kiss him. They both recoil at each other’s morning breath then laugh at each other’s disgusted expressions, although Mingyu is careful not to move around too much and wake Minghao. It’s ridiculously cute of him. Seokmin thinks he might actually have a heart attack.

“You guys actually didn’t buy me something super expensive, right?” Mingyu asks worriedly. “‘Cause I didn’t…”

“We didn’t,” Seokmin assures him.

Seokmin doesn’t think he’s ever seen Mingyu look so relieved. “Thank God,” Mingyu says. “Minghao was being a cryptic butthead when I tried to ask him about it.”

“Sounds like Minghao,” Seokmin agrees. He vaguely remembers hearing them talk about that last night. “But, um, you know we wouldn’t mind if you didn’t get us something pricey, right? Like, if we did. For you. That’s not something we care about.”

Mingyu just stares at him for a second, visibly softening. “I know,” he says. “Thank you. You’re so – I swear I’m the luckiest man on the planet.”

Seokmin turns away to hide his blush. “That’s me, idiot. You aren’t dating yourself.”

“Maybe Minghao’s the luckiest then,” Mingyu suggests.

“No, he’s not dating himself,” Seokmin points out.

“Okay, true.” Mingyu looks down at his chest, where Minghao is still fast asleep, and smiles a little. “Maybe we’re all the luckiest.”

Seokmin can’t help mirroring his smile. Something about Mingyu gets him so stupidly in love.

Oh. He should probably tell him that.

“Mingyu,” Seokmin says, turning so he can take one of Mingyu’s hands in both of his. He knows he’s probably being overdramatic, and yet he doesn’t care. This feels like a moment he needs to remember.

“Seokmin,” Mingyu replies.

“This is very important,” Seokmin goes on.

Mingyu raises his eyebrows. “I’d love to know what it is.”

“I love you,” Seokmin says.

Mingyu opens, then closes, then opens again. Then it snaps shut one last time with a worryingly loud click of his teeth before he asks, very quietly, “You mean that?”

“Yes,” Seokmin says, then they’re giggling and kissing and he feels himself smiling so widely it almost hurts. “Yes! I love you, I love you – ”

“I love you so much,” Mingyu says, his voice thick like he might cry. Seokmin’s chest is about to split right open.

“Did he say yes?” comes Minghao’s voice from where he’s still lying on Mingyu’s chest. He must have woken up in all the commotion, and he’s just as adorable as he always is in the mornings. Mingyu looks confused.

“Say yes to what?” he asks.

Minghao stares at him. “He hasn’t asked you to move in yet?”

“Asked me to what ?” Mingyu says, eyes wide and head snapping in Seokmin’s direction.

Seokmin grins apologetically as Minghao starts frantically explaining to Mingyu what they’d talked about a few days ago and Mingyu visibly tries to keep from having a mental breakdown.  Needless to say, Mingyu agrees to move in with them, and they spend a good amount of the day online shopping for a bigger bed.

Chapter Text

Having Mingyu around all the time now is nice. Really nice.

It’s certainly easier on their relationship; Seokmin isn’t nearly as busy as he was during exam season, but he’s still spending more time at work and at the library than at home. That’s partly out of habit, but regardless, being able to spend his nights with them is a lot easier than trying to remember to text Mingyu or do something nice for Minghao every so often. Seokmin still has to cancel dates sometimes – and sometimes he forgets to cancel and ends up missing them entirely – but it’s a massive improvement from not spending time with them at all.

The next two months or so are as close to perfect as Seokmin could possibly imagine. They fall into a comfortable rhythm, dancing with rather than around each other: Mingyu does most (all) of the cooking, and Minghao and Seokmin split the rest of the chores down the middle of the list. There’s an unspoken agreement that if one of them is too busy to pull their designated weight, the others will pitch in and help out. If someone has a bad day, they pull impromptu movie nights and take care to be a little extra affectionate when they curl up together.

They’re not quite finishing each other’s sentences, but they don’t need to be. They’ve grown so in tune with each other in just a few months that Seokmin can hardly even remember what it was like before. Before is a weird concept, too, because it’s so complicated. There’s before-Mingyu-moved-in, before-Minghao-wanted-Mingyu, even before-Minghao-loved-Seokmin.

Seokmin thinks about it sometimes – about how much his life has changed since they waltzed clumsily into it, about how easily the three of them have shifted to fit each other’s needs, about how deeply and madly he’s fallen in love with them – but he tries not to. Seokmin doesn’t like thinking about before because it implies after, and the future is a scary, scary thing to ponder.

Luckily, he’s too busy to think too much about it. Between work, school, and his blossoming relationship, Seokmin is preoccupied and altogether only minimally concerned about what is to come. And for the first time in a long time, he’s really content.

That probably should have been the biggest clue, but Seokmin isn’t paying close enough attention to notice. For now, things are good. So good.

—

“Things are good, Seok,” Jeonghan says, tipsy, eyes glued to his laptop screen where a pirated movie is playing. “So good.”

Seokmin sips at his second bottle of soju and glances over at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan sighs. “M’really happy.”

Seokmin turns back to the screen and thinks about how charming Kristoff is in Frozen 2. His arc is underwhelming and the movie itself is mediocre at best, but Jeonghan’s company is rather nice. Jeonghan rarely comes over – it’s usually Seokmin who goes to Jeonghan’s apartment – but he had showed up at Seokmin’s front door with drinks and a complaint that his boyfriends were both busy, so here they are.

“I’m happy for you, hyung,” Seokmin says, leaning over to awkwardly rest his head against Jeonghan’s shoulder. “You deserve it.”

He thinks about how good Jeonghan has been to him, to everyone, and can’t help tearing up. Jeonghan, more than anyone, deserves happiness, and he’s been so much happier ever since Jisoo came back from L.A. Jisoo still lives in his own apartment – they’re determined to take things slow this time and communicate properly – but he’s at Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s place more often than not. He spends most nights with them, kissing them and touching them and telling them long-winded tales of the two years he spent halfway across the world. 

And two years is a terribly long time, but Jisoo has slipped back into their home so effortlessly that it almost feels like he’d never left. They’re going to the same date spots and waking up on the same sides of the bed. Ther relationship is as gross, sappy, and sickeningly sweet as Seokmin has ever seen it, but all three of them smile more brightly these days.

“Are you crying?” Jeonghan asks, squinting and patting at Seokmin’s wet cheeks. “Aw, Seok. You’re such a crybaby.”

“I’m just happy for you,” Seokmin says, sniffling pitifully.

“You’re my favorite,” Jeonghan confesses. “Don’t tell Jisoo and Cheollie. You’re the cutest.”

Satisfied with that answer, Seokmin cranes his neck to plant a sloppy kiss on Jeonghan’s cheek. They rearrange themselves so that Seokmin is curled up into Jeonghan’s side and tightly clutching his hand, and they watch as Kristoff breaks into a full-on song in the middle of the movie.

“You’re my favorite, too,” Seokmin says earnestly when he realizes he never said it back. “You’re so nice to me.”

“S’hard to be mean to a cute thing like you,” Jeonghan murmurs.

“Seungkwan is,” Seokmin jokes.

Jeonghan chuckles. “Of course he is.”

He trains his eyes back on the movie, but doesn’t really seem to be watching. Seokmin waits for him to talk before growing impatient and nudging his side. Jeonghan makes a face at him but answers anyway.

“M’just thinking,” he finally says. “I never see Seungkwannie and Sollie anymore…”

“Wait, wait, I have a secret,” Seokmin says. Jeonghan crookedly raises his eyebrows, and Seokmin leans closer to him like he’s about to divulge top-secret information. Instead, he just says in his most serious tone, “They have a new best friend. Chan. He’s cute.”

“Cute,” Jeonghan repeats.

“Like a baby,” Seokmin clarifies.

Jeonghan relaxes a little, looking like he’s trying to figure out what Seokmin is trying to say. “They hang out with him a lot?” he asks, somehow spotting Seokmin’s jealousy like a needle in a haystack. It seems even Seokmin’s drunken ambiguity can’t keep Jeonghan from reading his mind.

“It feels like they’ve known him forever, hyung,” Seokmin gripes. “They like him like they like me.”

“S’okay,” Jeonghan says. He carefully pats the top of Seokmin’s head. “I still love you most.”

“You would really, really like Chan,” Seokmin says. He’s not sure what he means by it or why he says it at all. Jeonghan looks pensive, but now Elsa is riding a water spirit horse atop crashing waves and Seokmin can’t believe he managed to zoned out for so much of the movie.

“Maybe,” Jeonghan says placatingly. “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still love you.”

Seokmin supposes that’s true, and distantly he thinks Jeonghan might be trying to imply the same for Seungkwan and Hansol. Truthfully, though, he’s too tipsy to really ponder it, and he dismisses it as Jeonghan being cryptic in his old age. “Yeah,” he mumbles agreeably, drinking some more.

“No, no, m’serious,” Jeonghan says. “It’s like… like how you still love Minghao even though you love Mingyu too now. Love is, like, infinite or something. Seungkwannie and Sollie still love you even if they love Chan too now.”

Seokmin’s head hurts thinking about it. “They loved Chan really fast,” he says instead. What he means is that Seungkwan and Hansol had taken to Chan much more quickly than they had taken to Seokmin, years ago, but his words are failing him. Jeonghan blinks at him.

“Love is infinite,” he says again, and that’s that.

Jeonghan tunes back into the movie while Seokmin’s thoughts remain preoccupied. Maybe he’d been wrong about Seungkwan and Hansol replacing him with Chan. After all, Seokmin has fallen just as hard for Mingyu in five months as he has for Minghao in five years, and that doesn’t mean he loves Minghao any less. The circumstances were just different. Maybe, for Seungkwan and Hansol, that’s how it was with Chan.

Yes, that sounds right, if a bit optimistic. Seokmin nods to himself, feeling rather intelligent for a change, and cuddles closer to Jeonghan as he returns his attention to the movie.

Soon after, Mingyu and Minghao arrive home from work and class respectively. They laugh and joke at how Jeonghan’s words are running together and how Seokmin is clingier than usual, but they still happily indulge him when he asks for kisses. Between his boyfriends cooing at him and his best friend smiling at him with all the warmth in the world, Seokmin’s heart is fit to burst.

—

Naturally, things come to a head a few weeks later.

Seokmin doesn’t particularly enjoy working, but he doesn’t mind too much; the old lady he works for is sweet and the customers, miraculously, aren’t too bad. Most days, he loses track of time as he works, chatting idly with his coworkers, and doesn’t check his phone until he gets off at nine.

Today is no different, except that when he checks his phone, he has a handful of messages from each of his boyfriends.

from: mingyu Hey, text us when you get here! We’re waiting in the front. :)

from: mingyu There’s a really long line so we went ahead and got a table!

from: mingyu Hey, where are you? Is everything okay?

Minghao’s messages sound a little more angry.

from: minghao Where r u

from: minghao We’re by the front door

from: minghao Where r u?

from: minghao Everything ok?

from: minghao What is going on Seok

Then, an hour later:

from: minghao Ok. See u at home.

It takes a solid minute for Seokmin to realize what day it is and what he’s forgotten.

It’s their six-month anniversary. He’s missed their date.

The drive home is nothing short of torturous as he berates himself. How could he have forgotten? Minghao had kissed him this morning with a sultry see you tonight and Mingyu had texted him after class to say he loved him, neither of which are usual events. They’d even talked about the date just a few days ago when Minghao mentioned that he was craving Chinese food. How could Seokmin have let himself forget? Had it just slipped his mind to ask someone to cover his shift for the evening? Had he really been so careless that he had forgotten their six-month anniversary?

Logically, it’s not that big a deal. Six months isn’t actually an anniversary, because anniversaries are annual and don’t start until the first year, as Mingyu insists. But Seokmin and Minghao had insisted equally strongly on celebrating the first real milestone for their relationship, and now for Seokmin to have forgotten…

And then there’s the fact that Seokmin is the only one who has missed multiple dates because of his schedule. He knows it bothers them, and he’s been trying to be better about it, but he keeps turning out to be terrible at finding a balance. Now he’s gone and ruined everything.

When he gets home, Seokmin sits with the engine off in his parked car, trying to talk himself into going inside.

They’ll hate him.

No, they’ll just be angry. Just because he’s messed up doesn’t mean they don’t still love him, right?

Right?

He thinks about the first time they had all spent time together, nearly half a year ago, watching Harry Potter on their TV. About how Minghao and Mingyu had looked cuddled up against each other on the couch, and how it had felt to realize that they could make each other happy just as they were. Without him. It scares him even now, and he wants to believe that they still love him and that they always had, but he’s not so sure anymore.

It takes him ten minutes to pull himself together enough to get out of the car.

Minghao is pacing when Seokmin walks into the apartment. Mingyu is sitting on the couch hugging a pillow to his chest, and both of them look up at the sound of the door closing. Minghao stills and the three of them are silent for a minute, staring at each other, until Seokmin looks away.

“Hi,” he says in a very small voice.

Minghao doesn’t answer, but Mingyu offers a halfhearted smile. “Hi, Seokkie.”

“How was dinner?” Seokmin asks. He knows they must look ridiculous trying to avoid the argument they know is coming.

“It was nice,” Mingyu says. It’s a meaningless, obvious lie and Seokmin doesn’t know why he says it. “You know. Chinese.”

“Yeah,” Seokmin agrees uselessly.

“Cut that out,” Minghao snaps. He rounds on Seokmin with more anger than Seokmin has seen from him in years. “Where the fuck have you been?”

Minghao hasn’t cursed at him in a long, long time. “I was at work,” Seokmin says.

“You said you’d get tonight off.”

“I forgot to schedule it with halmeoni.”

He knows it sounds like an excuse, and from the looks on his boyfriends’ faces, he can guess that’s exactly what they’re thinking too.

“I’m sorry,” Seokmin says when neither of them say anything. “I know it looks – I really forgot what day it was. And that we had plans. I’ve just been working a lot and I’ve been preoccupied.”

“You’re always working,” Minghao says.

“I’m sorry,” Seokmin says again.

“You’re sorry,” Minghao repeats, heated. “Suspension of disbelief can only go so far, you know. You’re never home anymore. You’re really going to work and to the library for that long that often?”

“I am,” Seokmin says. “I’ve been trying to make my own money and keep my grades up. And I know how it sounds, but I swear that’s all there is to it. Believe me.”

Minghao looks like he doesn’t know what to think. Mingyu still hasn’t said anything, but his expression is twisted and he’s hunched in on himself. It sends a cold, sharp pain through Seokmin’s chest.

“Believe me,” he tries again. “Please.”

“I want to,” Minghao says quietly.

In all the time they’ve known each other, Seokmin has never lied to Minghao. Surely Minghao knows that. Seokmin swallows. “You know I wouldn’t – ”

“Hao said…” Mingyu starts, and Seokmin immediately silences. Mingyu looks distinctly uncomfortable. “Hao said things used to be different.”

Seokmin knits his brows together in confusion. “What?”

Minghao doesn’t say anything. Mingyu purses his lips, drops his gaze, and says, “Before you started dating me… he said you used to be home more. And you didn’t miss dates or reschedule them so often and you didn’t forget little things.”

Mingyu sighs.

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?” he says ruefully. “I’m the reason you’ve been different?”

Oh.

“No,” Seokmin chokes out, horrified. “Gyu, come on, you know I – it’s not your fault. None of it. I’ve meant every word I’ve said to you, please – and if I didn’t, you would know – ”

“You didn’t tell us the last time there was a problem,” Hao points out.

“But I’ve never not wanted either of you,” Seokmin says. There’s a throbbing pressure building steadily behind his eyes and he has to blink rapidly to keep from crying. How has he managed to fuck this up so badly? “I’ve loved you since I was fifteen, Hao, and Mingyu – I’ve wanted you from the first time I talked to you. I think of you when we’re not together, I told you I loved you on Christmas morning and I meant it – ”

“Do you?” Mingyu asks, looking like he’s also on the verge of tears. “Because I’ve loved you since the first date we went on, Seok, and ever since then I’ve been unsure of how you feel about me.”

He doesn’t seem to know how to continue. Seokmin doesn’t know how to answer.

“Do I not tell you I love you often enough?” he finally croaks.

Mingyu exhales heavily, somewhere between sighing and scoffing. “It’s hard enough to believe you when you do tell me,” he confesses.

“For me, too,” Minghao adds, because of course he’s not afraid to speak his mind when it matters. “I enjoy every second we spend together, but it’s hard when we never see you. We’ve been trying to ignore it every time you’re too busy for us but this is the last straw, Seok. It’s our six-month anniversary.”

He starts pacing again, steps rushed and uneven. Angry.

“Sometimes it feels like you’re not in love with me anymore,” he says.

That couldn’t be further from the truth, and Seokmin almost wants to laugh at the irony of it. He loves them so much it hurts.

(Shouldn’t he be saying that to them, anyway? They’re the ones who were always going to fall out of love once they realized they’d be better off without him. Seokmin was always going to be the one left behind.)

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks. “I would’ve cut down on work hours and studied at home instead of at the library. I’m sorry! I didn’t know you guys felt that way and I swear I thought things were so, so good.”

“Things are good,” Mingyu says weakly.

“I have never not loved you,” Seokmin says fiercely. “And I’ve been trying so hard to show that – to show you – and I thought I was doing a better job. I never wanted to hurt you again like I did before and I wish I had known I was hurting you anyway because I would have changed what I was doing.”

“I don’t want you to have to decide to spend time with us,” Minghao says. “Damn it, Seokmin – six months! Is some of your time really too much to ask for?”

“I’m sorry!” Seokmin shouts. “I’m trying and I’ve – I thought I was doing better! I’ve been trying so hard to make you both happy and I’m spending all my time working so I can pull my own weight. And I love you both so, so, so much but some days I am just so tired and lonely and scared!”

When he stops, a single tear has slipped down Mingyu’s cheek, and Minghao’s shoulders are taut. Seokmin’s entire body feels numb and his head is foggy, barely registering his own words.

“It’s so hard sometimes,” he hears himself say. “I don’t know what I need to do or be and I really thought we were happy.”

Then Minghao sniffles and crosses his arms over his chest, expression hardening.

“Fine,” he says, sounding hollow. “If it’s really so difficult for you to love us, maybe we shouldn’t be together.”

Seokmin’s mind shuts down.

“What?” Mingyu says.

“You’re so unhappy?” Minghao. “Leave. We won’t hold you back. And I’m sorry you’re so lonely even though you’re the one who never has enough time for us. So go.”

Mingyu lets out a terrible sob. “Hao, please – ”

“You know where the door is,” Minghao says.

He turns and storms off to the bedroom, wiping angrily at his face as he does so. Mingyu scrambles to follow him, shouting something that Seokmin’s addled brain can’t pick up. The door slams behind the two of them and for a minute, Seokmin stands and listens to the sounds of Mingyu’s crying and Minghao’s clipped responses.

Somehow, a few minutes later, he ends up in his car with his head resting against the steering wheel. He starts the car and drives, his mind mercifully blank, but his heart aching.

He ends up at Jeonghan’s apartment, because of course he does. Jisoo answers the door.

“Hey, Seokmin!” Jisoo greets happily before seeing the look on Seokmin’s face. “Is everything okay?”

From inside comes the sound of laughter. It sounds like Seungcheol’s, although in his state Seokmin can’t really distinguish between his and Jeonghan’s.

“Can I see Jeonghannie-hyung, please?” Seokmin asks.

“Of course,” Jisoo says. “Come on inside.”

Numbly, Seokmin nods and follows him. Seungcheol and Jeonghan are splayed out on the couch, talking and joking, and it makes Seokmin think of Mingyu and Minghao.

“Hannie, your kid is here to see you,” Jisoo announces light-heartedly. Both of his boyfriends look up, and at the sight of Seokmin, Jeonghan immediately seems to know something is wrong. He gets up from the couch and makes his way over to Seokmin.

“What happened?” he asks.

Seokmin breaks.

—

The next night is not one that Seokmin remembers very well. He spends most of it curled up into Jeonghan’s side, crying, trying to think about anything but the possibility of this really being the end.

The truth is that Seokmin doesn’t know how to be on his own. He and Minghao have been inseparable since the first day of high school, when Minghao moved to South Korea, and when high school was over, they moved right into a dorm together. They only lasted a year there before moving out to their current apartment, where Mingyu lives with them now.

Seokmin can’t even fathom the thought of not waking up to Mingyu’s bedhead and Minghao’s sleepy smiles, not kissing them before he leaves for class in the mornings, or not coming home to them after long days. Surely it hasn’t been long enough to feel so strongly for them, but he can’t remember what it was like to be by himself. Before is all a blur now, and if this is truly the end of them, then this is after.

But Seokmin’s after is silent and empty, because this – Minghao, Mingyu, and the life that the three of them have built together – is it for him, even if it may not be it for them. He’s known since he was barely fifteen that he’s never going to be able to stop loving Minghao; in the past few months, it’s become clear that with Mingyu it’s just the same. There was before and now there will be nothing except the memories of the in-between, when he loved them and they loved him and everything was beautiful.

He thinks about that and cries, and for the first few hours of the night, Jeonghan stays up and pets his hair. Jisoo and Seungcheol are asleep at the other end of the couch, always within arm's reach, and around three in the morning, Jeonghan falls asleep too. Seokmin doesn’t mind the silence so much when they’re all with him.

The next morning, too, passes in a blur, although Seokmin remains dry-eyed through it. Jeonghan puts on a movie and Seungcheol makes eggs for breakfast before Jisoo leaves for work. They don’t make him talk about it, which he’s grateful for, but he can tell that they’ve pieced some of it together. It’s probably pretty obvious, even to Seungcheol.

They’re about halfway into their second movie when Seokmin gets a text.

from: mingyu Hey.

Jeonghan sees it, too, but he pretends not to. Seokmin is still contemplating whether or not he should respond when Mingyu starts typing.

from: mingyu Please let us know you’re okay. I know you probably don’t want to talk right now and you don’t have to come home yet but please let me know you’re safe.

from: mingyu I love you.

Seokmin feels like he’s about to cry again, but out of relief. Mingyu still loves him. That doesn’t fix everything, but it’s something, right? At least Mingyu hasn’t given up on him yet.

(Minghao seems to be a different story, though. Mingyu’s love can’t change that.)

“Everything okay?” Jeonghan asks.

Well, no. Seokmin’s life is more or less falling apart. “Yeah,” he mutters anyway.

“Your hands are shaking,” Jeonghan says.

They are. Seokmin stares at them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Seungcheol finally asks.

Jeonghan turns the volume down on his laptop, reaching over to squeeze Seokmin’s hand. Seokmin tries not to think about holding Mingyu’s hand and falling asleep beside Minghao to the sounds of whatever Netflix show they’re binging. Only upon losing them has Seokmin realized how many little treasures are hidden in the small moments they shared.

“I think we broke up,” he says.

Seungcheol’s eyebrows shoot up. “You think?” he repeats.

“I don’t know,” Seokmin says truthfully. “I messed up and we fought about it. Minghao was really angry and I think… I don’t know what he wants.”

“What did you fight about?” Jeonghan asks.

“I missed our six-month anniversary date.”

Seungcheol winces. “That’s tough.”

“Go on,” Jeonghan prompts.

“I’ve been busy,” Seokmin says. “And… I made them feel like I didn’t really want them. But I didn’t mean to.” He looks at Seungcheol and Jeonghan, trying to decipher their expressions. “I really, really love them,” he adds thickly.

“Oh, honey, I know,” Jeonghan murmurs, pulling him in for a hug. Seokmin immediately tears up again, curling up against Jeonghan and crying into his shirt, and Seungcheol pats his back. “They know that too, sweetie. Minghao’s probably just upset right now.”

“I’m a terrible boyfriend,” Seokmin cries.

“You’re not,” Jeonghan says. “You’re allowed to mess up. It’s okay.”

He sounds so confident that Seokmin can almost convince himself of it. Almost.

“Gyu said he loves me,” Seokmin whispers.

Jeonghan hums quietly. “Just now?”

“Yeah. He texted me.”

Jeonghan pats his head and Seungcheol smiles. “Text him back,” Seungcheol says gently.

Seokmin nods. Right. That sounds reasonable.

to: mingyu im ok

to: mingyu i love u

from: mingyu Okay. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to come home.

“It’ll be okay,” Jeonghan says, kissing his forehead. “Just give it some time. Whenever you’re ready.”

—

Seokmin camps out at Jeonghan’s for two more days before Minghao shows up.

Seungcheol goes to get the door. Seokmin buries his face in Jeonghan’s shoulder and waits through another round of Minghao’s familiar knocks. Then comes the sound of hushed conversation, and then of the door shutting. Jeonghan rubs his back with a gentle hand.

Things go quiet in the living room. A moment later, Seungcheol knocks on the door frame and steps in to say, “Seokmin, your boys want to talk to you.”

Seokmin sniffles and nods. He can’t bear to make himself look up, but he hears the footsteps as Minghao and Mingyu enter the room. Jeonghan continues to rub his back. There’s silence for another moment.

“Hi, Seokmin,” Mingyu says.

“Hi,” Seokmin says.

He’s not sure who’s supposed to be apologizing. Probably him, but he doesn’t know where to start.

“It’s been three days,” Minghao says. “Why didn’t you come home?”

Jeonghan carefully removes himself from beneath Seokmin, and he and Seungcheol quietly leave the room. It takes a great deal of effort for Seokmin to make himself meet Minghao’s piercing gaze. 

“You wanted me to go,” Seokmin finally mutters. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to come back.”

Minghao winces. “I didn’t mean forever,” he says. At Seokmin’s obvious disbelief, he amends, “Maybe… maybe I did in the moment. But you know that’s not what I want.”

Do I? Seokmin wants to ask, but he bites his tongue.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead.  “I didn’t realize I was… being a shitty boyfriend.”

Mingyu frowns. “You’re not a shitty boyfriend,” he says.

“I was,” Seokmin says. “You don’t have to be nice about it, I – I got so preoccupied with trying to be a better person that I didn’t even realize I was neglecting you. And I know that’s no better, but it’s not… I don’t mean that I don’t think of you at all. I was trying to be better. For you.”

Minghao raises his eyebrows and asks, “What do you mean, ‘better’?”

That’s a difficult question, and for a second Seokmin isn’t sure how he’s supposed to answer it. Minghao and Mingyu both watch him expectantly, awaiting his response.

“You know,” he says feebly, waving his hand. “Smarter. More financially stable.”

They continue to stare at him wordlessly. Seokmin sighs.

“I wanted to be someone you could be proud to say you’re with,” he admits.

The silence stretches on for another minute. Minghao and Mingyu share a charged glance that Seokmin can’t read, so he drops his gaze and stares resolutely at the floor.

Finally, Mingyu says, “Seok. What makes you think we’re not already proud of you?”

“Nothing you’ve done,” Seokmin quickly reassures him. “You’ve both been really, really good to me. You know that.”

“Clearly not, if you don’t know how much we love you,” Minghao argues.

“No, I know,” Seokmin says. “Hao, I’ve been dating you for forever, I know you. And it hasn’t been nearly as long with you, Gyu, but I can feel it. I know you both love me.”

Minghao looks frustrated. “Then…”

“You love us, don’t you?” Mingyu asks anxiously.

“More than anything,” Seokmin immediately reassures him. He doesn’t know how to explain himself. “I just… sometimes… not every relationship falls apart because people don’t love each other, you know? But if you have to keep paying more of the rent than I do because I don’t have money, and – and doing more of the chores because if I don’t study then I’ll lose my scholarship and I’ll be even more of a financial burden – ”

“In what universe would I ever break up with you over money, Seokmin?” Minghao demands. “We’ve been together for five years! You didn’t have any money when I fell in love with you. Why would I care about that at all?”

“You can’t tell me you’d be okay with pulling my weight forever,” Seokmin shoots back. “I’m not saying you would stop loving me, Hao, but even a saint would get sick of it.”

Minghao throws his hands into the air. “So what? You tried to make some extra money so you could prove yourself? You were trying to keep us from getting ‘sick of you’?”

He stops, then, and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. Mingyu has tears staining his cheeks, and Seokmin feels sick. “You don’t understand – ”

“Then explain it to me,” Minghao begs. “What changed when we started dating Mingyu? Because it’s not that you don’t love him, but it’s not that you stopped loving me either. This never used to be a problem.”

A sudden stroke of courage has Seokmin getting up off the bed to grip Minghao’s hands tightly. They’re familiar and warm between his fingers, and it fills him with strength. “You’re both wonderful,” he says, looking between his two boyfriends. “And Hao, I’ve always known you were, but I guess – I guess I didn’t think about you being able to do better until we started dating Gyu. Because Gyu is… and I’m not… yeah. You know?”

Minghao looks crushed.

“Seok,” Mingyu chokes out, and then suddenly he’s throwing himself into Seokmin’s arms, crying, and Seokmin doesn’t have the slightest idea what’s upset him so much.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he hears himself say. “Gyu, babe, why’re you crying? It’s okay…”

Mingyu cries harder. Minghao, who’s wrapped around them, says in a thick voice, “I didn’t know you still felt that way.”

“I’m not running away from us,” Seokmin says, as firmly as he can through his tears. “I’m trying to be better for you, see, I’ll make it work. This isn’t like before, I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu cries. He’s still awkwardly bent over so that his face is buried in Seokmin’s shoulder, and Seokmin can see that his fingers are interlaced with Minghao’s. “I’m sorry I complicated everything for you. I didn’t know…”

“You’re not leaving us,” Seokmin says, but it’s more of a question than a command. Mingyu laughs wetly.

“I’m not,” he agrees. “I couldn’t leave you now if I tried. But I’m sorry anyway. I… wish I’d known how you were feeling.”

“It’s my fault for not communicating better,” Seokmin mumbles. “You couldn’t have known. It’s fine anyway.”

“It’s not fine, but it’s no one’s fault, okay?” Minghao says. “Seok… we love you. Even if we have to pay for everything for the rest of college – hell, even if life in theater is rough on your bank account and we have to pay for everything for the rest of our lives. Even if we get sick of it, we’ll be there with you because we love you too much to let you go. You’re stuck with us.”

There’s nothing but love and sincerity in his voice, and when Seokmin meets his eyes, he sees only the same things there. Mingyu offers his own teary smile. “We couldn’t even last three days without you, Seok,” he says. “And it’s been a terrible three days. Maybe you don’t see it, but you – you make everything brighter. You get it?”

Seokmin feels his heart swell inside his chest.

“Yeah, I get it,” he says in a strangled sort of voice, helplessly overcome with how much he loves them.

Minghao kisses his forehead, then Mingyu’s, and for a moment the three of them just stand there.

“Let’s go home.”

—

from: seungkwan lmao WHAT

from: seungkwan replace you?? w chan??? nah man

from: seungkwan he’s like a tiny demon

to: seungkwan hes vv cute

to: seungkwan dont make fun of me

from: seungkwan i can’t believe you thought sollie and i would replace you with CHAN

from: seungkwan lol loser

to: seungkwan u suck

to: seungkwan i dont like this convo anymore

from: seungkwan hahahahah

from: seungkwan you’re my bff stupid

from: seungkwan like we love chan but i would still lick your asshole clean the second you asked!

to: seungkwan ur definition of bffs is 2wild 4me

to: seungkwan im replacing u w soonyoung

from: seungkwan yeah right lol

from: seungkwan fr tho i love you dummyhead

from: seungkwan sollie just got back with weed so. i’m gonna dip

from: seungkwan goodnighthtthththth

to: seungkwan smh jisoo hyung rly got u both huh

to: seungkwan gn !!!

“Who’re you texting?” Mingyu asks, coming out of the bathroom right as Seokmin sets his phone down. His voice is quiet so as to not wake up Minghao, who’s curled into Seokmin’s side and snoring softly. Seokmin smiles.

“Just Seungkwan,” he says. “Come here.”

Mingyu smiles and immediately complies, making his way to the bed and cuddling up to Seokmin’s other side. He’s warm and soft and Seokmin watches as he gently runs his fingers through Minghao’s hair, eyes soft.

Things didn’t fix themselves overnight, but they’re getting better. Maybe Seokmin isn’t totally convinced that they’ll stick around as long as they say, but… he’s getting there. He’s working less and studying from home more often, so he gets to spend more time with them. Both Minghao and Mingyu have been incredibly supportive and helpful, and Seokmin thinks he might actually be getting it right this time.

He kisses Mingyu’s hair and says, “We’ve got it good, huh?”

Before Mingyu can answer, Minghao shifts and cracks one eye open, looking annoyed.

“Shut up,” he grumbles sleepily, lightly slapping Seokmin’s chest. “Go to sleep.”

Mingyu laughs and pets his hair some more. He leans up and kisses Seokmin square on the lips, murmuring, “Yeah. It doesn’t get much better than this.”

Seokmin agrees.

There’s no two people he would rather be in between.