Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I forgot to tell you. I booked the practice room for you to use from 10:30-11 if you wanted to.

Jaebum flicked his eyes to the top of his phone to check the time. 10:17. He had time before his tutorial at noon. He'd have to walk all the way to the opposite side of campus, but he hadn’t played in a long time and he missed it. He didn’t have any work or readings he needed to finish so he decided to go. Thanks he texted back and gathered his things from the ground around him.

He stood, slipping his earbuds into his ears, making sure the other end was tucked into his coat pocket. He wasn’t listening to anything, couldn’t listen to anything, but he preferred to have people glare at him when he ignored them because they thought he was just an asshole listening to music too loudly to hear them. It beat seeing the pity in their eyes when they found out that he had ignored them because he was deaf and hadn’t been able to hear them.

He'd been sitting in the wrong area of a bus on his way home from school during his  third year of high school. A truck driver has suffered a stroke and slammed into the side of the bus about three feet behind where he was sitting. He considered himself lucky he only lost his hearing. Six people lost their lives.

He’d suffered a skull fracture that irreparably damaged the outer, middle and inner hearing systems in his right ear. The impact from when he was thrown into the other side of the bus damaged his left hearing system as well. He had about eighty percent hearing in his left ear but due to the damage to his middle ear could only hear through vibrations that passed through his skull. He could hear his own voice, but without his hearing aid that was about it.

He slung his bag over his shoulder and left the little nook he’d claimed as his own since the beginning of the year. It was little more than a square of poor designing, serving no purpose other than to hide him from the busy traffic of the hall a few feet away. It was on the second floor and had a floor to window that overlooked a hall on the floor below. It was just big wide enough for him to stretch out his legs and deep enough for him to sprawl all his books, laptop and snacks on days where he had a lot of work. He focused better in that nook than he did at home so even if he had the afternoon off he still found himself holed up in there.

The campus was relatively empty at the moment, students either in classes or holed up in their own little spaces they’d claimed for themselves to wait until they have to go to their next one. He kept to the side of the hallways and sidewalks, like he always did, since he couldn’t hear if anyone behind him needed the space.

It was cold and he burrowed deeper into his scarf when he walked across open spaces where the wind was harsher. The semester had started just over a week ago and with it came a spell of frigid weather that made leaving his apartment for classes all the more unappealing.

Four more months, he told himself. One more semester to go.

It took him about ten minutes to get to the large red-bricked building that housed the performing arts students. Despite not being a student of that faculty, Jaebum had spent a lot of his time in this building. His roommate and longtime best friend was a vocal student. Since it was a smaller faculty, it had nicer lounges than the overpacked ones in the writing department where Jaebum studied. He’d spent a significant amount of time killing time in various places around this building with Jinyoung, and later Youngjae, a third year who Jaebum had heard possessed one of the best voice of his year. Jaebum couldn’t confirm, though he admitted he’d been tempted to bring along his hearing aid once or twice, just out of curiosity.

He noticed a girl holding the door for him and sent her a smile in thanks, ignoring the way her eyes moved over his face and the blush that darkened her already cold-flushed cheeks.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t pretty, she was. Nor was it that Jaebum hadn’t dated since the accident, he had. A relationship just wasn’t what he wanted at the moment. He just wanted to graduate and hadn’t found anyone special enough to distract him from that goal.

He murmured his thanks before heading towards the staircase that led to the second floor where the practice rooms were. He had to check the signup sheets on every door to see which one was his, biting back a groan when he found his name on the sheet for room number four. Room four was the only practice room that had the piano situated along the far wall instead of along one of the sides. He had no idea why it was there, but it was the reason this one was his least favourite room. He didn’t like having his back to the door, to any door really. He wasn’t able to hear if anyone knocked and if he couldn’t see the little window in the door, he couldn’t see if anyone wanted in.

Not letting it deter him from playing, he pulled out the white plastic key card that Jinyoung had given him that would open any of the practice rooms and let himself in.

He dropped his bag onto the floor and sat on the worn wooden piano bench, smiling as he trailed his fingers over the slightly chipped keys. He’d always loved to play the piano. His dream used to be a composer and a producer, but he decided to give it up after his accident. He never lost his love of playing the piano though and had been devastated when he’d come home from the hospital after five weeks of recovery to find out that his parents had given his away. They thought they were helping him, getting rid of it so he wouldn’t be reminded that he couldn’t play it anymore.

But he could still play it. His fingers worked just fine, as did his feet. He just couldn’t hear it. He used to spend so much of his time playing that he found the routine soothing. The fluidity of his fingers sliding over the keys, the rhythmic pulse of his foot on the pedals was like a mental break for him, a way to help him unwind and relax.

Eventually he learned new ways to hear.

Music, like most of his life after the accident, became about vibrations. The faint, barely there tingle of the higher notes and the soft buzz of the lower keys against the pads of his fingers. With songs he was really familiar with he could even tell if he’d played a wrong note based the way the notes resonated against his fingertips.

He played through his favourite repertoire list, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t hear it, he’d played these pieces so many times that he could close his eyes and hear each note resonating in his mind as if it was coming from the instrument in front of him.

He smiled as he began to play one of his own compositions, remembering that Youngjae had asked to sing it at his end of term showcase in a few months. He couldn’t wait to hear what the young vocalist was going to do with it.

Youngjae had asked him to play it with him, to accompany him, but Jaebum hadn’t decided yet. He was confident in his piano skills, but wasn’t sure how good be be at being an accompanist, where his job would be to make someone else shine. He had no idea how well he’d be able to hear Youngjae which he would need to do to follow wherever Youngjae wanted to take the song musically.

A hand landed on his shoulder, causing him to startle violently, his elbow banging painfully against the keys as he spun around.

There was a guy standing next to him in the practice room, looking just as startled as Jaebum was, his hands up in front of him in surrender as he looked down at Jaebum with wide eyes.

Jaebum recognized the white plastic card in one of his hands. Whoever this was, he probably had booked the room next. Jaebum hadn't checked the time for a while. Who knew how much time he'd taken away from this guy's practicing.

He saw the guy’s mouth move, no doubt explaining what he was doing there, but Jaebum could guess. He’d stayed too late and this guy had booked the room after him. The guy had probably knocked, tried to get Jaebum’s attention after opening the door, but it had been useless.

Jaebum cut off whatever he was saying with an apology before grabbing his bag and fleeing the room, embarrassed.

He hated when things like that happened. He felt jumpy and it took him a while to settle down again. It only reminded him how much he was missing about the world around him. Made him a little paranoid.

He should have set an alarm on his phone. The vibration would have reminded him to leave.

Heaving a deep sigh, he pulled his beanie lower over his eyes and headed towards his next class.

∾

Two hours later found him in one of of the school’s cafeterias, sketchbook out on the table where he was mindlessly doodling characters for a series of short comics he was planning for one of his final projects.

He felt the white plastic table move as someone sat down opposite him and he looked up, smiling as his roommate Jinyoung, and Jinyoung's boyfriend Mark, joined him.

Their schedules for this semester didn't match up all that well. There were six of them in their group of friends but they only had lunch all at the same time on Thursdays. Friday Jaebum had lunch with none of them, given that he had class from nine in the morning to two in the afternoon straight. He had the rest of the afternoon off though to make up for it.

Wednesdays he just had Mark and Jinyoung for company. Sometimes Bambam, a fashion student two years below them and Mark's roommate, would get let out early and join them but so early in the semester Jaebum doubted they'd see him today.

How was practice? Jinyoung signed.

They'd learned sign language together after the doctors had told Jaebum his hearing loss was permanent. Jinyoung had honestly been more the more determined one out of the two of them, always making Jaebum practice. He refused to speak to Jaebum using words for almost a month when they started learning, insisting that they both needed the practice. He still used it more often than anyone in Jaebum's life, using it at least once a day to make sure neither of them lost the language.

Jinyoung had been his best friend in high school, still was now, but now the word ‘best friend’ didn't seem enough to describe how close they were. His mom called them platonic soulmates and he would never admit it to anyone, but he felt that the phrase suited them better.

Jaebum tried to keep the sour expression off his face, but knew he didn't succeed when Jinyoung frowned. He was extremely protective over Jaebum, which was ridiculous since Jaebum was more than capable of taking care of himself.

“What happened?” Jinyoung asked aloud.

Jaebum had learned to read lips pretty quickly after the accident. He didn't really have a choice since no one he was close with knew how to sign. He didn't even know how to sign. Even though he still had around eighty percent hearing left in his left ear, he required a bone conduction hearing aid to hear. His concussion was bad enough that the doctors didn't want to introduce anything that sent vibration through his skull, which was how conduction aids worked, in case it made him worse. He wasn’t able to wear any hearing aid for over a month after the accident so he had to learn to lip read fast if he wanted to communicate without having people write everything down for him. He was still far from an expert at it, but Jaebum liked to think he did a pretty good job most days.

“Forgot to set an alarm. Some guy came in to use the room next. Started me is all.” Jaebum murmured.

Jinyoung sent him a pained expression. Nothing bothered Jinyoung more than when something bad had happened but there was no one at fault for him to tear a verbal strip off of.

Jaebum smiled and reached across the table to squeeze his friends arm. He was fine. Nothing had happened, really. “I’m fine.”

Jinyoung nodded and Jaebum pulled back his arm and leaned back in his chair. “How was your morning?” He asked, looking between the two as they settled opposite him.

Jaebum felt two pulses through the table as Jinyoung tapped it twice, a signal he’d created ages ago that indicated he wanted to say something. Jaebum could feel the vibration and look for the hand that tapped so Jaebum could transfer his attention to them instead. Mark did it too when he remembered, Jinyoung probably having explained the purpose of it, but Jinyoung never failed to do it. Sometimes Jaebum wondered if it had become such a habit that he tapped his fingers every time he wanted to speak.

“I already have a presentation next week.” He said.

From the look on his face, Jaebum could hear the whine in his tone and laughed. “Already?”

Jinyoung nodded. “We have to do a score analysis for a song. Each week a group presents and I just happened to be one of the unlucky group that has to go next week.”

“That sucks.” Jaebum sympathized. He was lucky that in his department he didn’t have to do a lot of presentations, his grades mostly consisting of written submissions given that he was doing a creative writing degree.

Jinyoung looked like he was going to respond when his gaze strayed to something behind Jaebum and Mark raised a hand and waved. Jinyoung signed lazily that Mark’s roommate was here.

Jaebum turned around, eyes scanning the people milling about the cafeteria for Mark’s roommate Bambam. He was surprised when someone who was definitely not Bambam stopped next to him, dropping his backpack on the table and opening it up.

Jaebum looked at Jinyoung in confusion as the guy beside him pulled out a black folder from his bag and handed it to Mark. Jinyoung just signed later before turning and saying hello to the newcomer.

Jaebum looked back up at the stranger beside him. He seemed friendly enough, smiling as he talked to Mark and Jinyoung as he zipped up his backpack. Jaebum wouldn’t have been surprised to find out the guy was in the athletics department given the way his long-sleeved T-shirt and ripped jeans hugged his generous biceps and thighs. He didn’t seem that tall, not standing all that much higher than Jaebum who was seated.

He laughed at something one of his friends said, tipping his head back and laughing with his whole body in a way that made Jaebum smile. Whoever this was, Jaebum bet that he was loud. Even without being able to hear anything, Jaebum thought he was loud. He seemed to radiate energy with everything he did from the way he talked with his hands to the way he threw himself backwards as he laughed.

He finished the conversation quickly, slinging his bag casually over one shoulder, almost hitting Jaebum in the process. He waved goodbye to everyone, even sending a smile to Jaebum, who he hadn’t exchanged a single word with, and then he was gone again.

Jaebum turned to Jinyoung. “What happened to Bambam?”

It was Mark who answered, tapping the table for Jaebum’s attention. “Bam was my roommate last semester. He and Yugyeom found an apartment together off campus.”

Mark had always been too lazy to move off campus and asked to stay in the dorms even though they were technically only for first years. His residence allowed it but he was assigned to help some of the foreign students get assimilated and oriented with the university. He’d been an exchange student his first year too so he knew what it was like to be alone in a new country with limited to no language skills.

“I thought it was for the year?”

“Normally yes, but Bam left so a space opened up. That was…”

Jaebum frowned and leaned closer, eyes on Mark’s lips. He didn’t recognize the shape they made, couldn’t figure out the name. “Who?”

Jinyoung grabbed Jaebum’s phone off the table and pulled out the stylus which automatically opened a note taking screen.

Sometimes lip reading wasn’t enough. Over half of lip reading was context, being able to match the shapes the lips made with words that fit together. There were so many sounds he couldn’t see through the movement of the lips so he had to be pretty good at guessing what words fit the context of the conversation. Most of the time Jaebum had no idea the literal sentences people spoke, but he was able to pick out enough words to get the gist of that was being said.

Sometimes it just wasn’t enough though and he couldn’t get enough key words and needed them in writing for him to be able to understand. When he was in an environment he wasn’t comfortable in, like a lecture or a tutorial, he had a speech-to-text app that translated everything being said to text on his phone or computer for him to read what was going on. But with his friends, he didn’t mind asking for clarification when he needed it, and they didn’t mind giving it to him.

Jinyoung wrote something quickly and then showed the text to Jaebum. It was an English word, which meant nothing to Jaebum, and Korean characters. “Jackson?” Jaebum read slowly, the grouping of syllables unfamiliar to him, before  glancing up at Jinyoung for confirmation of his pronunciation.

Jinyoung nodded.

“He’s from Hong Kong.” Mark added after tapping once again for Jaebum’s attention. “He’s only here for this semester.”

“Is he in athletics?” Jaebum asked sarcastically.

Mark laughed and nodded. He said something else Jaebum couldn’t figure out.

He looked at Jinyoung, who was already reaching for Jaebum’s phone, once more writing what he somehow already knew Jaebum had missed. Honestly it was like Jinyoung shared his brain sometimes.

Mark commented all the time that Jinyoung and Jaebum were like two halves of the same person, which would prompt adamant refusals or fake gagging from the two but Jaebum honestly didn’t know what he’d do without his best friend. Jinyoung was the only one who treated him the same once they found out his hearing loss was permanent. He made all the changes so effortlessly it was as if they’d been doing them all their lives. He came up with accommodations for Jaebum and just did them, never needing to check in and explain them first, just filling a need that Jaebum hadn’t noticed was there. A lot of their friends couldn’t understand how the two could love one another so much but have zero romantic feelings for one another but the two thought of each other like family.

Jaebum read the screen as Jinyoung slid it over to him, then looked back up at Mark. “Fencing?” He had never met someone who could fence before. It was kind of cool if he was honest.

Mark nodded and said something about how Jackson was training a lot so Mark didn’t know much about him yet.

Jinyoung asked him something about the folder that Jackson had brought. Not caring about Mark's essay detailing the progress he was making on the game he was creating for his final project, Jaebum turned back to the doodles he’d been working on, his fingers absently spinning his pencil as his mind lingered on Jackson the fencer from Hong Kong.

Chapter Text

It turned out that Jaebum didn’t have to wait long at all to see the fencer again. His feet slowed when he entered the cafeteria the next day and saw a new face at their usual table. Jackson was seated between Jinyoung and Youngjae, opposite his usual seat.

He debated leaving, finding lunch somewhere else for the day and then holing up in his spot in the psychology building.

He was a bit uncomfortable speaking around strangers. He could hear his own voice, but only to an extent. It was mostly just tone, the fine details of certain letter sounds were sketchy at best. Any sounds that weren’t produced with the teeth, like t’s or s’s, were hard for him to make out, making it hard to be sure he was saying words correctly. Jinyoung assured him repeatedly that his pronunciation was still close to perfect, and Jaebum trusted that he wouldn’t lie to him about this, but it was always hard speaking in front of people he didn’t know. He mostly went on muscle memory to form the sounds that he could no longer hear, only somewhat sure he was saying them correctly.

He was also never sure how loud to speak, given that he couldn’t hear the volume of his own voice nor the volume of the room they were in. He’d lost count of the times people had asked him to stop shouting, or to speak louder.

Sign language really wasn't a solution given that only Jinyoung was fluent in it. The others knew basic signs but Jaebum highly doubted Jackson would know anything. Jaebum knew all too well how it felt to be isolated from conversations to make Jackson feel the same. He probably had a hard enough time given that they were speaking Korean. Jaebum didn't know how much of the language Jackson knew. He wasn’t going to make it harder for the fencer by throwing sign language into the mix too.

He was honest enough with himself to admit that social interactions became even harder when the stranger looked like Jackson. Jaebum hadn’t seen much of him from their brief meeting the day before, but now that he was looking there was no denying the fact that Jackson was attractive. His hair was dyed a light brown and was styled with a loose curl of hair that hung over his forehead in a way that reminded Jaebum of the sophisticated styles in the Western movies he sometimes watched with Mark and Jinyoung. Jackson’s features were an unusual mix that somehow made him simultaneously look both adorable and handsome. His big eyes and smile made him look young, but the bone structure of his cheeks, nose and jaw were mature and classically masculine.

Jaebum wasn’t vain enough to think that looks were everything, but that still didn’t change the fact that he didn't want embarrass himself in front of Jackson.

Jaebum knew though that if Jackson was Mark’s new roommate, it was likely that he was going to be around a lot. Mark always brought his roommates along when everyone met up and Jaebum's group had somehow become unofficial greeters for them, helping them with any questions they had that Mark wasn’t able to answer and giving them some more friendly faces as they got accustomed to a new country. He suspected he'd be seeing a lot of Jackson in the future. So he might as well just start now.

Tightening his grip on his backpack, he weaved through the chairs and dropped unceremoniously into his chair next to Bambam, who had dyed his hair since Jaebum had last seen him three days ago. It was now white, the tips a rich fuchsia colour. Jaebum had no idea how Bambam had any hair left given the number of times he'd dyed it in the five months Jaebum had known him, but he conceded that not a single one of the colours had looked bad on him.

“Hey.” He said, feeling a few hands reach over and squeeze his arms or shoulders in greeting, something they’d taken to since it was impossible for him to watch everyone's lips at once to see who was saying hello. He used to not like skinship all that much before the accident and sometimes he thought it was amusing how something that used to make him uneasy now provided him a sort of comfort.

Jinyoung tapped against the table. “This is Jackson, Mark's roommate.” He said officially introducing Jaebum to the fencer, before turning to Jackson. “And this is Jaebum, my roommate.”

Jackson sent him a smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Jaebum returned it. “You too.”

Jackson’s gaze slid to where Bambam was sitting on Jaebum’s left.

Jaebum watched as Jackson’s eyes widened slightly before a small frown fell across his features. His gaze flicked back to Jaebum before darting away again when he realized Jaebum’s attention was still on him.

Bambam had likely just explained that Jaebum was deaf. Jaebum was surprised it had been Bambam who’d said it, but he wasn’t mad that Bam was spilling his secrets. Jackson needed to know if he was going to be hanging around with them. Jaebum would rather someone tell him immediately than leave Jackson in confusion until he figured it out on his own, or put him in a position where he’d have to ask.

Jaebum had learned in the six years since he’d lost his hearing that it was easier when someone else was the one who said it. For some reason it made people really uncomfortable when Jaebum himself was the one to say ‘if I don’t answer something you said, I’m not being rude, I’m just deaf and didn’t hear you.’ They never seem to know where to look after that, their eyes darting around the room, settling on anything but him. However, the downside of having someone else deliver the news was that sometimes the person would ignore Jaebum completely from that moment on, only talking to the hearing individual, assuming they were Jaebum’s translator or something.

So Jaebum was watching Jackson to see what his reaction would be, hiding a smile when the fencer turned back to him a moment later with the same smile he’d offered Jaebum initially. “So what department are you in?” He asked.

Jaebum let his smile grow. Jackson passed test number one. “Creative writing.” He responded. “I hear you’re a fencer?”

Jackson’s whole face lit up and he immediately started talking about his program, about how he’d only been in Korea for two weeks but how he’d studied here for a year when he was in high school too. It certainly explained his proficiency in the Korean language. He spoke more slowly than his energetic body language suggested and he paused every now and then to search for the words he wanted but Jaebum didn’t mind. It made it easier for him to be able to keep up. Sometimes when Youngjae got excited he spoke faster than Jaebum could follow.

He watched in slight fascination at the way Jackson’s lips moved as he explained about how he was here looking for a coach that could train him for the Olympics the following year. The way his lips moved when he spoke… The words looked different than a native Korean speaker. Different than the way Bambam, who had come from Thailand, spoke. Or the way Mark, who came from the U.S., did. Before he lost his hearing Jaebum hadn’t realized that accents could be seen and he was endlessly intrigued by the miniscule differences that made the way foreigners speak unique.

Jaebum felt someone tap the table and glanced in the direction the vibrations came from to look at Mark. “He’s apparently pretty good. He won gold at a competition when he was younger.”

Jaebum looked back and Jackson who looked pleased, but a bit embarrassed. “That was a long time ago.”

Jaebum followed Jackson’s gaze to Bambam, but only saw the last word he spoke. He turned back to Jackson, but Jackson was looking at Yugyeom now.

Jaebum instead turned to Jinyoung. It was common that his friends got so into their conversation that they forgot Jaebum couldn’t follow them if they didn’t give him some kind of indication who was speaking. It happened even more frequently since Bambam and been adopted into their group given how the boy had an endless amount of both energy and absurd comments that set everyone else off. When Jaebum wasn’t able to follow the conversation Jinyoung would sign summaries of what was being said so Jaebum would have an idea of what they were talking about, even if participating was a little challenging since he was always a few seconds behind the actual conversation.

The two youngest seemed to be teasing Jackson like the little shits they were. Something about how excited they were that they knew a future Olympian and how Jackson better dedicate his gold medal to them when he won next year.

Jaebum rolled his eyes and smiled. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jackson getting more animated as he spoke and found his eye sliding away from Jinyoung to watch Jackson speak instead. Not his lips, but his hands and his facial expressions as he got more involved in the conversation.

Since he lost his hearing, he’d started relying a lot more on non-verbal cues and changes in expression to help him determine meaning behind the words he lipread. Just reading the words wasn’t always enough to understand intent. Something like sarcasm was hard for him to determine—which made it challenging to have a best friend like Jinyoung. Jaebum wasn’t sure he’d taken anything Jinyoung said literally in years.

There were other social aspects that Jaebum missed, things like laughter. He couldn’t hear laughter, but he’d come to recognize the changes in his friends’ faces and gestures that he knew indicated that they were laughing. Like how Jinyoung would often raise a hand to cover his mouth when he laughed. Or how wide Youngjae would open his mouth when he laughed.

As Jaebum watched Jackson’s expressions shift, he decided that he couldn’t remember meeting anyone whose face was as expressive as Jackson’s was. The small shifts in the muscles around his eyes, mouth and brows made his thoughts and emotions obvious and Jaebum had the fleeting thought that he could watch the expressions flit across this man’s face for hours.

He felt someone kick his shin and, without needing to check who it was, he looked at Jinyoung who was smirking at him with a knowing look.

Well shit. Jaebum knew that look. Now he was going to have to figure out a way to explain why he liked staring at Jackson’s face without sounding like a creepy loser.

He had a feeling he wasn’t going to succeed.

∾

It was the second week of his last semester and Jaebum was considering changing degrees entirely. He’d been working on a writing piece for four months, since the beginning of the year, but he decided about an hour and a half ago that he hated everything and wanted to start again. Unfortunately he’d already submitted his plan for approval back in September as well as two progress submissions over the course of the previous semester. He couldn’t just change everything now.

But everything he came up with just wasn’t…right. Sure, it followed the plot and had all the characters he’d planned out, but the wording, the descriptions, the way the characters were shaping out just weren’t as good as he wanted, as good as he knew he could make it. It was fine but Jaebum didn’t want to submit fine.

He was considering deleting everything that he’d written since his last progress submission and just starting over when out of the corner of his eye he noticed a pair of dark brown boots stop next to his feet. He paused, his fingers hovering over the keyboard as he tried to figure out it he recognized those boots, if it was someone he knew or not.

As he watched, one of the boots extended and gently tapped against the sole of his sneaker, obviously trying to get his attention.

Jaebum looked up, surprised at who he found looking down at him. 

“Jaebum, right?” Jackson asked, looking a bit hesitant. Which was fair since he'd only officially met Jaebum the day before.

Jaebum smiled. “Hey Jackson, what are you doing up here?”

Jackson returned the smile with a blinding one of his own and held up the textbook in his hand. “I just got out of Sports Psychology.”

“Sports Psychology?” Jaebum asked, unsure he’d read Jackson’s lips right.

Jackson nodded, pointing to the small space between Jaebum and the window. “I have an hour to kill before my next class. Do you mind if I sit?”

Jaebum glanced at the text on his screen and figured he would be more than happy to have a distraction. “Sure.” He said, pulling his things closer and moving over so Jackson would have space.

Jackson stepped over his legs and slid down the wall till he was sitting next to Jaebum’s feet, setting his bag and book on the ground in front of him. “Thanks.”

“So what exactly is Sports Psychology?” Jaebum asked, genuinely curious.

Jackson seemed surprised by Jaebum’s question. “Being a professional athlete isn’t really about how skilled you are, it’s about how often you can repeat those skills. Mental health is incredibly important to an athlete. There can be a lot of things that go through your mind when you step on the field or start line or court or whatever. The expectations from fans, coaches, parents, teammates, your own stats and goals are all things that can kind of overwhelm you. When things aren’t going well it’s really common for athletes to get stuck in their heads and try too hard, forgetting everything they know about technique to just try to get something to turn their luck around. This course is basically just teaching methods to change thinking patterns so that you can focus on your training and do your best every time, even if you may be struggling.”

Jaebum looked at the words that seemed to be mocking him from the screen in front of him. “I think I need to take that course.”

He glanced back up at Jackson to see him laughing. “I’ll let you borrow my textbook sometime.” He said with a grin.

Jaebum smiled. “So how are you re-adjusting to Korea?”

“It’s about the same as I remember. People seem nicer though.” He said.

Jaebum wasn't sure if that remark was just a general statement, or a pointed remark about Jaebum and his friends so he just smiled. “I'm glad.”

Jackson pulled his backpack towards him and pulled out a textbook. “Not that I don’t enjoy talking to you, but I have an entire chapter to read before my next class.” He said, looking sheepish.

“It’s the second week of class and you’re already not doing your readings?” Jaebum teased.

“It’s Mark’s fault. He wouldn’t stop whining about how he wanted ramen so naturally I had to go with him. But then I felt guilty about eating all that ramen so then I had to go back to the gym to burn it off. And then I had no time for reading.”

Jaebum laughed, both at the absurdity of Jackson’s logic and the guilty look on Jackson’s face. “Okay. Strange, but I can’t say that I’ve always been able to resist the pull of ramen myself.”

“I knew it wasn’t just me.” Jackson said, opening his textbook.

“Physiotherapy?” Jaebum said, reading the title with surprise.

Jackson glanced at the cover absently. “Yeah.”

“I thought you were here for fencing?”

Jackson looked up at him. “I am, but I’m working towards a degree in physiotherapy and rehabilitation. No one majors in fencing.”

Jaebum looked at him curiously.

“College athletes don’t major in their sport. There is no such thing as a Bachelors of Baseball or a PhD in Hockey.”

Jaebum had honestly never thought about it before, but hearing Jackson phrase it like that made the the idea seem ridiculous.

“Playing at the college level allows scouts who work for professional teams to come and see us perform and potentially offer us contracts. There are many of us who will get picked up and never finish our degrees, but we all have something we’re working towards just in case we don’t make it big, or if an injury ends our career before it starts.”

Jaebum just stared at him as Jackson turned back to his textbook, flipping through the pages till he found the chapter he was looking for.

Jackson the fencer from Hong Kong who was studying physiotherapy and rehabilitation. Everything he learned about Jackson just made him want to know more. How did he get into fencing? Into physio? Was his goal to go professional, like those other athletes he talked about? Why did he come to Korea, not once, but twice? Jaebum had never heard that Seoul was a hotbed of fencing.

He had so many things he wanted to ask, but the man had readings he needed to do and Jaebum respected that. He figured he had plenty of time to find out all those answers anyway.

He turned back to his laptop and nearly groaned when he saw his short story in front of him. Nope. He was in no mood for that at the moment. If he had to look at it for another minute he’d probably do something he’d regret later. He closed it and opened another file that had a series of storyboards for his comic strips. One of his final projects was to tell a story without using words. Many of his classmates were pissed but Jaebum was honestly loving the challenge. After four years of being taught how to use words to effectively and engagingly tell a story, he was enjoying having to do the same thing without using any.

About fifteen minutes later he felt the side of Jackson’s boot tap gently against the outside of his thigh. He looked up in confusion to see Jackson looking at him sheepishly. “Sorry to bother you, but my Korean reading skills are admittedly not great. Do you have a second to help me with a few words?”

Jaebum smiled and reached for the textbook. It honestly wasn’t all that often that people asked him for help. It wasn’t that they thought he wasn’t smart, but aside from his friends and a few classmates people simply didn’t know how to ask. It was kind of nice it he was honest.

Jackson sent him a smile that reminded Jaebum of the sun when Jaebum finished explaining the words and Jaebum felt like he’d done something far greater than reading.

He paid less attention to his comic strip after that, looking up occasionally to see how Jackson was doing. He had this little frown on his face as he read, occasionally either mouthing the words he read or reading them out loud—Jaebum couldn’t tell which. It reminded Jaebum of a little kid and it was honestly kind of adorable. Jaebum gave the man credit though for being able to read a university level textbook with even basic understanding. He must have studied Korean in between his years in the country to have been able to manage that.

He’d asked Jaebum for help a few more times, always asking for the meaning of multiple words. He seemed to wait till he had a few so that he’d be bothering less frequently and Jaebum appreciated the thoughtfulness.

Jackson pulling his backpack toward him distracted Jaebum once more and Jaebum glanced up to watch Jackson pack up his textbooks. Had an hour passed already?

Once Jackson was finished he looked up at Jaebum. “I like this spot you’ve found. It’s nice and quiet.”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow at him. “Every spot is quiet for me.”

Jackson looked mortified. “I… Oh my god, I didn’t—”

Jaebum laughed. “Jackson it was a joke. Sorry, I know people find it weird when I make deaf jokes. For future reference, I’m not offended by things like that. I see no reason to hold your ability to hear against you just because I’ve lost mine.”

Jackson nodded with a soft smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He got to his feet and stepped over Jaebum’s outstretched legs before turning back to look at him. “As I was saying, I like this spot. And honestly I could use a study buddy who can’t hear me when I talk; I excel at distracting myself. Do you mind if I come back?”

Jaebum recalled Jackson’s earlier story of how he couldn’t resist Mark’s pleas for ramen. “You don’t have great self-control, do you?”

Jackson looked amused. “Not really, no. I have great self-discipline though. Yes, there is a difference.”

“If you say so. But you’re more than welcome to come and study with me if you want to.” Jaebum told him. He might not have been the best for Jaebum’s focus, but he was certainly interesting to be around and Jaebum had a hundred more questions about the man that he was looking forward to getting the answers to.

Jackson grinned. “Great. I’ll see you later then. Take care, Jaebum.”

“You too Jackson.”

With a wave, Jackson was heading off towards the nearby staircases that led back down to the main level.

Jaebum wasn’t aware that he was watching Jackson walk away until he disappeared from view. Blinking, he shook his head and after a moment of thought, reopened the story he had been working on before Jackson had showed up. For some reason he didn’t hate it as much as he did an hour ago.

Chapter Text

Jackson had been staring at Jaebum for almost ten minutes now and Jaebum had no idea why.

When he glanced up for a third time and Jackson was still looking at him Jaebum sighed. “Jackson?”

Jackson startled, blinking as if coming out of his thoughts. “Sorry, what?”

“Is something wrong? Do you need help with a word?”

Jackson looked down at the textbook in his lap that he'd barely looked at since he'd sat down and opened it nearly twenty minutes ago. “No. Sorry, just thinking.”

“About anything in particular?” Jaebum coaxed. He didn't like the frown on Jackson's face.

Jaebum had spent a good amount of time with Jackson since the two had met two weeks ago. Jackson had been welcomed with arms open into his group of friends—hell, he’d been invited to the group chat after a week, something that took Bambam almost two months to get added into—so Jaebum saw him frequently when they all met up, as well as when the two would work together in the corner of the psychology building. 

Jaebum still hadn’t gotten over how expressive Jackson’s face was and not even the pointed stares and comments or the less pointed kicks to the shins from Jinyoung were enough for him to stop. No one else had noticed, they were used to Jaebum staring at all of them as he tried to figure out words spoken or emotional intent and they didn’t think anything of it when he did it to Jackson, especially since the man was almost constantly talking. It was only Jinyoung that had realized that he’d been staring for his own personal enjoyment.

Jaebum would now consider himself something of an expert on Jackson’s expressions and he could see the subtle differences in the frown Jackson was currently wearing from the one he wore when he was simply focused or when he was struggling with Korean.  There was something bothering him. And given by the way he kept staring at Jaebum, Jaebum suspected it had something to do with him.

Jackson shook his head. “Honestly, it’s not important.”

“Jackson if I've done something to upset you the—”

“What? No! Why would you think that?” Jackson asked, looking startled.

“You keep staring at me.” Jaebum said bluntly.

Jackson blushed slightly and mumbled something that Jaebum assumed was another apology.

Jaebum used his toe to poke Jackson's hip. “What's wrong?”

Jackson sent him a small but genuine smile. “It's none of my business.”

Ah.

“Do you want to know about my deafness?” Jaebum guessed.

Jackson’s blush darkened, but he shook his head. “It’s none of my business.” He repeated.

Jaebum smiled. “I honestly don't mind. What do you what to know?”

Jackson hesitated for a moment before closing his textbook,crossing his legs and turning more towards Jaebum. “Mark said that it was from an accident?”

Jaebum nodded. “What do you know about how hearing works?”

Jackson blinked, clearly not expecting that question. “We use our eardrums?”

Jaebum nodded. “Right, that's the first of three parts. The eardrums gather sound waves and send them through three small bones in your middle ear to the cochlea in your inner ear where the brain can process them into things that make sense to us, like voices or music. It’s called air conduction, since the waves travel through the air. When I was in high school, the bus I used to take home was hit by a truck. The impact damaged all three parts in my right ear; the damage was permanent and as a result, I can't hear anything out of my right ear.”

Jackson frowned slightly but said nothing, waiting for Jaebum to continue.

“The hearing system in my left ear suffered damage too, but to a significantly lesser extent. I actually have a functioning eardrum, but the small bones in my middle ear were damaged to the extent that the sound waves can't get to my inner ear for processing.”

“Jinyoung said you can still hear some things? Like your voice?”

Jaebum nodded. “I still have a mostly functioning cochlea. I just have to use a different method to get the sound waves into it.”

“How?” Jackson asked, seemingly genuinely interested.

Jaebum felt unexpectedly pleased, borderline excited. His friends hadn't really been interested in the specifics of his hearing loss, aside from Jinyoung. They all thought that it didn't really matter what was wrong, the result was the same either way. They were more interested in what they could do to help him now that it was gone. Jaebum always appreciated that but it was honestly kind of nice to have someone want to understand what was damaged and what actually still worked.

“There are actually two ways the cochlea gather sound. The vast majority of sound waves are collected through the eardrums.” Jaebum explained. “The rest is actually gathered through skull vibrations.” He paused, trying to find a better way to explain. “Have you ever heard your voice on a recording?”

Jackson made a face. “Not if I can help it.”

Jaebum laughed. “The reason it sounds so different to you is because you also hear your own voice through bone conduction. The vocal cords send vibrations along your jawbones and into your skull which vibrates the cochlea for processing.”

Jackson looked intrigued, but a bit confused.

Jaebum hesitated before blurting, “Do you want me to show you?”

Jackson cocked his head curiously. “Show me?”

Jaebum nodded and moved so he was sitting in front of Jackson, setting his laptop on the floor behind him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and slipped it out of its case before opening the YouTube app, clicking on the first song that came up in the suggested list and handing his phone to Jackson. “I don't know how loud it is up here right now. Set the volume so that the music is quiet, but so that you can still hear it.”

A small smile curling one of the corners of his lips, Jackson did as he was asked, handing the phone back to Jaebum when he'd finished.

“Now plug your ears.”

Jackson looked a bit surprised, but his hands obediently went to his ears, pressing to close off the sound.

“Can you hear the music?” Jaebum asked, holding the phone closer to one of Jackson's ears.

Jackson moved his hands away. “What?”

Jaebum suppressed a smile. “Could you hear the music with your ears plugged?”

Jackson shook his head.

“Good, plug them again.”

Jackson nodded and obliged.

Jaebum raised a hand, glad none of his friends were around because they'd tease him mercilessly for what he was about to do. He reached out and touched Jackson's cheek. Jackson looked a little startled but didn't move away, letting Jaebum slide his fingers along the smooth skin of his left cheekbone, out towards his ear. Holding his fingers in the place he wanted, Jaebum raised his phone, placing the tiny speaker along the bone as he moved his other hand to cup Jackson's jaw, making sure he didn't pull his head away.

He shifted the speaker around slightly until Jackson's eyes widened and his gaze met Jaebum's. “Holy shit I can hear it.” He whispered, his expression awed. “It’s so clear too.”

Jaebum smiled and moved the phone to different places on Jackson's face: the middle of his forehead, his other cheekbone, the left side of his jaw.

The whole time Jackson watched him with awe, like Jaebum was performing some kind of magic.

Jaebum lowered his phone, wrapping his fingers around one of Jackson’s wrist and gently pulling his hand away from his ears. “It’s called bone conduction. By sending the sound waves through bone, through your skull, you can get those waves to your inner ear and still be able to process them without the need for the other parts of your ears.” He help up his phone. “It doesn't even have to be on your face. You’ll hear it the loudest when it’s close to your ears, but I could put this on the back of your head and it would still work the same.”

Jackson plugged his ears and turned his head, clearly indicating he wanted to try it.

Jaebum smiled and slipped his fingers through Jackson's hair to press the speaker against the back of Jackson’s skull.

Jaebum realized that the two of them must look absurd with Jackson plugging his ears and Jaebum holding his phone to the back of his head. But Jaebum found that he didn't give a shit at the moment. He liked that Jackson had asked, that he was interested in learning something about Jaebum that not a lot of other people did

After a moment Jackson turned back, making Jaebum pull away somewhat reluctantly. “That was really cool.” Jackson said with a smile.

Jaebum returned it. “I’m glad you think so.” He turned off the music and put his phone back in his pocket. “I have a hearing aid that works in a similar way, essentially replacing my eardrum and inner ear bones. It gathers all the sound around me and then turns it into vibrations, sending them through the bone behind my left ear.” He reached out and slipped his fingers behind Jackson’s ear, brushing against the strip of skin just before his hairline. “It sits here.” He said, tapping the bone lightly before pulling his hand back.

Jackson sent him a look and Jaebum could see the question in his eyes. He waited for the inevitable ‘why don’t you wear it?’ but Jackson just smiled and leaned back against the wall. “Thank you for explaining it to me.”

“Thank you for asking.” Jaebum said sincerely, sliding back to his side of the nook and reclaiming his laptop from the floor.

The next time he glanced at Jackson the fencer still wasn’t reading, instead sitting with a thoughtful look on his face, his fingers absently rubbing the spot behind his ear.

∾

Jaebum held the cat in his lap closer and sent a silent apology to the one on the floor that he couldn’t save.

They were all in Bambam’s and Yugyeom's apartment for their weekly movie night. They used to be held at Jinyoung’s and Jaebum’s apartment since Mark still lived in the dorms, Yugyeom lived with other dancers from his program and Youngjae lived with his brother, none of whom they had wanted to bother with their unique brand of insanity. But since Jaebum had found out the two youngest had their own place he suggested they alternate.

Their place was a bit small for the seven of them, but it was still nice. Bambam had somehow managed to adopt two cats in the short time of owning his own place and Jaebum had no doubt he would probably have a dozen more if their building didn’t have a pet limit.

Two maknaes were currently on the floor rapping to Bambam’s other cat, a pale blonde fluffy thing named Cupcake. Jaebum had thought they were just talking to him, but Jinyoung had signed that they were, in fact, rapping. Jaebum then tried to read their lips to see what they were saying but he was about ninety percent sure that Bambam wasn’t even speaking Korean. It was a bit hard to see since the lights were dimmed for the movie, even though no one was really watching it since they’d seen Black Panther six times already. But Bambam had insisted and since it was both his home and his favourite movie, no one had argued.

Cupcake, for his part, didn’t seem to care all that much as he played with a feathered string Yugyeom was shaking for him.

The others were spread out around the room. Mark was on the couch beside Jaebum, playing games on his phone with Jinyoung leaning against his side and alternating between laughing at the maknaes and talking to Mark. Jackson was on the other end of the couch next to Youngae, who had brought over one of the kitchen chairs, and the two were laughing at Yugyeom and Bambam’s antics while occasionally offering suggestions for rap topics.

Jaebum was in an armchair, a dark grey kitten named King sleeping in his lap as his attention moved between the movie, the kids on the floor and Jackson’s reactions to everything. Jackson had gotten a taste of how truly strange they could all be when they all ate lunch together that one day a week, but they kept themselves somewhat subdued since they were in public. In the privacy of their own home, they were free to all be as weird as they wanted, something the maknaes seemed to be taking full advantage of.

Jaebum relaxed when Jackson seemed to fit right in, somewhere in between Youngjae’s tendency to encourage but not participate and Bambam’s tendency to try and set the house on fire. He was currently laughing so hard, Jaebum wasn’t sure he was breathing, curled in on himself as he fell against Jinyoung, who was also laughing, and wrapped an arm around him.

Sometimes Jaebum regretted that he missed what had made everyone else laugh—some things just weren’t as funny when they weren’t in the moment—but most times, like tonight, he got just as much joy from watching them look absolutely ridiculous without having any context as to why.

Something happened that had all the boys laughing so hard they fell over. Jackson rolled right off the couch, the resulting crash made Cupcake and King run towards the bedrooms and finally made Mark look up from his game to tell them to stop and shut up before the rest of the building called the cops on them.

Mark generally didn't talk all that often in a group setting so when he did everyone tended to listen. So after they stopped laughed and got a hold of themselves, they all decided to put on a new movie and to actually watch this one. They also decided they wanted take out and since none of them wanted to shell out extra for delivery, a truly epic Rock, Paper, Scissors showdown ensued to figure out the unlucky soul who would have to go pick it up.

It was Jaebum.

“Ha, loser-hyung.” Yugyeom grinned, so different from the freshman he'd first met who almost cried when Jaebum went out at night on his own because he was so worried something was going to happen to him.

Jaebum smacked him in the face with a pillow on his way to the door.

He was putting on his shoes when he felt a body bump into his in the narrow entryway. He looked over to see Jackson sliding his boots on as well. “Jackson?” He asked, curious.

“I'll come too.” He said, handing Jaebum his coat from the rack before sliding his arms into his own.

“You won. It's honestly fine. Stay inside where it's warm.” Jaebum tried.

Jackson shook his head. “If I'm going to be eating all the trash we just decided to buy, I'm going to need the exercise.”

Jaebum had learned that Jackson hadn't been kidding  when he said his self-control sucked but his self-discipline was great. He never turned down any junk food that was offered to him, but he took his training and physical fitness goals seriously and always made sure to accommodate the extra calories.

“I swear Jackson if you make me run to and from the Thai place I'm killing you and leaving your body in a ditch somewhere.” Jaebum warned as Mark came over and handed him a stack of bills that everyone had chipped in and the order list.

Jackson tipped head back and laughed and Jaebum, not for the first time that night, found himself wanting to know what it sounded like. In his mind it was rich and deep and loud.

Jaebum called into the living room to make sure the list contained everyone's orders and when no one appeared to tell him otherwise, he and Jackson made their way out of the building.

White fluffy flakes were lazily drifting down from the sky when they stepped onto the sidewalk and Jackson twirled around with a childlike expression on his face. “It's snowing.”

Jaebum smiled. “Does it not snow in Hong Kong?”

Jackson shook his head and began walking backwards down the sidewalk so Jaebum would still be able to see his lips. “It doesn't even get all that cold. A hoodie will usually be fine during winter. Maybe a jacket at night.”

“Must be nice.” He murmured, stuffing his hands in his pockets since he’d forgotten his gloves.

“Summer sucks though.”

Jaebum laughed before reaching out and taking Jackson’s shoulders and turning him around so he was facing the direction he was walking in. “Don’t do that. You’re going to trip over something.” He scolded. He didn’t want any injuries that could set back Jackson’s fencing career to be on him since he knew the only reason Jackson was walking backwards was so he could talk to Jaebum.

Jackson rolled his eyes but obliged and fell into step next next to Jaebum.

The Thai restaurant was about a ten minute walk from the apartment. It was mostly a take out place so there were only four tables set up for people to sit at while they waited. Jackson took a seat at one by the window, still looking up at the snow, while Jaebum ordered and paid. He slipped the change into his pocket to be added to the Food Fund Jar he had back at home. He and Jinyoung had been doing it forever. All the small change they got from eating out got added to the jar and eventually it accumulated enough that they could use it to pay for their meal without having to worry about giving more money.

He slid into the chair opposite Jackson who sent him a happy smile, which Jaebum returned. “We haven’t scared you off yet, have we?”

Jackson laughed and shook his head. “No. Honestly, you guys are great. I’m so glad that I got roomed with Mark.”

Jaebum was too, but he wasn’t going to admit that out loud. He clearly wasn’t as good at voicing his feelings as Jackson was. “So how is your program going?” He asked instead. Despite seeing Jackson almost every day, they didn’t spend all that much of their time talking. He only saw Jackson at lunch on Thursdays, where he found it more complicated to join into conversations. They didn’t talk much when they were studying either, since Jaebum didn’t want to distract Jackson from actually getting work done.

“It’s going well. I still have a long way to go before I’m done, but I’m enjoying it.”

Jaebum looked at him curiously. He was pretty sure Jackson was the same age as him. “How long is your program?”

“The university part is four years, like most other degrees. But because I’m doing athletics too I’m taking a reduced course load. My current plan will let me finish in five and a half years.” Jackson explained.

“The university part?” Jaebum questioned.

Jackson nodded. “After that I have to take a specialized course. It’s about three years long and includes things like…”

Jaebum frowned. “Like what?”

Jackson looked hesitant and repeated the word but Jaebum still couldn’t make out what it was. He pulled out his phone and then the stylus, handing both to Jackson. It was the first time he needed Jackson to clarify a word, but Jackson had seen him ask before so he'd know what to do.

Jackson stared at the stylus for a moment before looking back up at Jaebum. “I don’t know the Korean characters for it.” He admitted with a sheepish expression.

Despite having had to help Jackson with his reading skills, it honestly hadn’t occurred to Jaebum that his writing skills might be lower too. He blinked, not knowing exactly what to do next when Jackson pulled out his own phone and opened an app. Jaebum realized it was a translation app when Jackson raised it to his lips and said something in a foreign language Jaebum assumed was Cantonese.

Jackson checked to make sure the app heard him correctly before showing the screen to Jaebum. He read the word ‘apprenticeships’ and nodded, and was going to tell Jackson that he’d had the Korean right, Jaebum simply hadn’t been able to recognize it at the time, but then noticed that the original language was not Chinese but English instead.

“You speak English?” He asked, surprised.

Jackson nodded and set his phone on the table. “I went to international school back in Hong Kong. It’s taught in English.”

Jackson the fencer from Hong Kong who was studying physiotherapy and rehabilitation and who was also fluent in at least three languages. Jaebum wondered if he’d ever stop being impressed by Jackson Wang.

“How did you get into physiotherapy?” He asked, changing the subject to something he’d been curious about for a while. “Were you injured?”

Jackson shook his head. “When I was in my second year of high school, my teammates and I hated each other. We were too competitive. We had to be the best, the fastest, the strongest. It drove my coach crazy and was tearing our team apart. My coach’s wife worked as a nurse at a children’s hospital so my coach made us all go and volunteer for a day. It was…life changing for me.”

Jackson looked out the window, a serious expression on his face that Jaebum hadn’t seen him wear before.

“We were putting all of our energy into winning by a fraction of a second, but these kids were training for months just to be able to stand, to write their name, to hold a fork. Some of them considered just being able to hold the fencing sword some kind of miracle, never mind actually being able to do anything with it. And they were so happy for each other. It didn’t matter that one kid couldn’t hold the sword, the smiles on their faces just because their friend could was something I’ll never forget. I decided then that I wanted to help kids like that.” He said, turning back to Jaebum with an excited smile.

Jaebum thought about the staff who helped him with physiotherapy for his broken bones after the accident and wondered how much more he would have enjoyed it if they smiled at him the way Jackson did. Jaebum didn’t know Jackson all that well, it had only been about three weeks since they'd met, but he had no doubt that Jackson would be incredible with those kids. 

The woman behind the counter waved in Jaebum’s direction to indicate his order was ready. As he and Jackson picked up the bags and headed back to Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s he realized that Jackson might turn out to be one of the most amazing people that Jaebum had ever met.

Chapter Text

Jaebum rubbed the side of his head absently as he closed his laptop. He was getting a headache and the brightness of the screen hurt his eyes. He’d had enough headaches for two lifetimes while recovering from the accident and didn’t need any more. His essay about the importance of imagery in classic fairy tales just wasn’t worth it.

So he reached over Jackson’s outstretched feet and slid his computer back into his backpack, pulling out his sketchbook instead. He’d finally figured out the right looks for all characters he wanted to use and had basic plot lines for all ten of the four-to-six frame comics he was planning to submit. Now he just needed to figure out how to actually draw them.

He was working on the first frame when he felt eyes on him.

“Jackson you are supposed to be doing research.” He said, looking up to confirm that the fencer was indeed staring at him.

“You can draw?” Jackson asked, ignoring Jaebum’s comment as he leaned forward to get a better look even though Jaebum had literally only drawn a tree.

Jaebum leaned back against the wall. He’d learned it was much easier to just give in to Jackson’s seemingly endless curiosity and answer his questions. Once his curiosity was sated Jackson would get back on task, and then Jaebum could as well.“Not really.” He admitted. “These are going to be very basic cartoons.”

“I thought you were in creative writing?”

Jaebum nodded. “I am. One of my end of year assignments is to tell a story without using words. Most of us are choosing to draw comics instead.”

“That’s so cool. How did you get into creative writing anyway? That wouldn’t have been my first guess for your major.”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow, amused. “Oh? And what would your first guess have been?”

Jackson shrugged with a teasing look on his face. “I don’t know, modeling or something? A gorgeous face like yours is wasted behind the pages of a book.”

Jaebum laughed. “A model?” He asked incredulously, rather pleased that Jackson thought that highly of him. It wasn’t often he was told he was attractive by people who looked like Jackson Wang.

Willing himself not to blush, he continued. “I was originally going to go into music production, but I decided to give that up after I lost my hearing.” He tapped the eraser of his pencil idly against his sketchbook. “I used to compose music back in high school, I still do sometimes, but it’s harder—for obvious reasons.”

Jackson looked impressed. “That’s amazing. I want to hear them.” He looked serious about it too. Jaebum had heard that before when he told people he composed, but it was more of a passing comment than an actual desire to hear his compositions.

Jaebum believed it when Jackson said it.

Hiding his pleased expression, Jaebum smiled. “I’ll play them for you sometime.”

Jackson cocked his head to the side. “Play them?”

Jaebum nodded. “I play piano.”

Jackson blinked. “Do you still play? Even after…” He trailed off, waving a hand towards Jaebum’s ears.

“I do.”

“That’s so cool. I always wanted to learn an instrument. I’ve never really had the patience for it though.” Jackson admitted.

Jaebum grinned at him. “You? No patience? No way.” He said sarcastically.

Jackson called him an asshole and gently kicked him in the thigh. “How did music production end up as creative writing?”

“I liked using music to tell stories, using the lyrics to take the listener on a journey when they listened to my music. It honestly wasn’t all that much of a hardship to switch to story writing instead. If anything I think I might like it a bit better. I can be more creative with my writing.”

“I guess there aren’t many opportunities to talk about dragons in pop music are there?” Jackson said.

Jaebum laughed. “Dragons?”

Jackson sent him an impish smile. “What? Everyone likes dragons. You should make your comics about dragons.”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “They’re about Beethoven.”

“The composer?” Jackson looked surprised.

“He was deaf.” Jaebum said. “Or rather, he became deaf. He was one of the first people to figure out bone conduction actually.”

“Really?”

Jaebum nodded. “I read somewhere that he attached a metal rod to his piano that he’d bite on when playing. The vibrations of the piano traveled through the rod, through his teeth and let him hear. And before you ask, no that is not how I play the piano.”

Jackson laughed, clearly amused that Jaebum had read his mind. He gestured to the sketchbook in Jaebum’s lap. “Is that what your comics are going to be about? His deafness?”

Jaebum shook his head. “No. We have certain themes we have to include. I’m just using him as the main character.”

“Cool. Can I read some of them when you’re done?”

Jaebum blinked at him. “Sure, if you want to.”

Jackson smiled and nodded before picking the library book and his notebook and continuing his research, curiosity satisfied enough to go back to work.

Jaebum did the same.

He had almost finished the first frame when Jackson squeezed his shin.

He looked up to see Jackson on his phone. “Are you free on Saturday?” Jackson asked, glancing up at him.

“Saturday?” Jaebum asked, making sure he’d read the date right.

“In afternoon.” Jackson confirmed.

Jaebum nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

“Want to go somewhere with me?”

“Where?” He asked. He was surprised by the invitation, and also a bit pleased. He genuinely wanted to spend more time with Jackson, especially when they weren’t studying or surrounded by their other friends. Not that Jaebum didn’t love and adore his other friends, most of the time he did. But he also found that he enjoyed having Jackson’s attention to himself.

Jackson sent him a sly grin. “It’s a surprise.”

Generally speaking Jaebum hated surprises. But that was mostly because his evil best friend had been the mastermind of most of them and had a rather twisted sense of humour. He was pretty sure he didn’t have to be wary of Jackson’s surprise, even if that smile might have been an indication otherwise.

In the end his own curiosity won out. He sighed dramatically, acting like he was resigning himself to something he didn’t want to do. “Fine.”

Jackson beamed at him, clearly not buying his act. Jaebum admitted that his smile afterward may have ruined it. “I can’t wait.” He said, picking up his pen once more and turning back to his work.

As Jaebum turned back to his own, he acknowledged that he couldn’t either.

∾

When Jaebum stepped off the bus he looked around, wondering what was around that Jackson had wanted to show him. The original plan was for them to meet at Jaebum’s and go together to Jackson’s mystery place but there was something wrong with one of Jackson’s fencing swords and he was dropping it off at a repair place before meeting Jaebum at the bus stop Jackson told him to wait at.

There was a bookstore. Unlikely. Jackson barely had time to read for school, Jaebum didn’t see him having any extra time for reading for pleasure.

There were a few restaurants. Maybe Jackson wanted to try something new and thought Jaebum might enjoy it too? Three in the afternoon seemed like an odd time for food though.

He sat down on a bench and pulled out his phone to wait but wasn’t there long when the bench he was sitting on vibrated twice. He looked up and found Jackson in front of him with his trademark smile in place.

One of many things about Jackson that Jaebum had come to appreciate was that he never touched Jaebum to get his attention when they first met up like so many other people did. Jaebum understood that it was the most obvious solution to him not being able to hear a spoken greeting, but a sudden hand on his shoulder or back out of nowhere always startled him, no matter how well he knew the owner of the hand. He didn’t mind physical touch to gain his attention when he was with people, he even expected them then. But he imagined a random hand shaking your shoulder without warning would startle anyone.

Jackson generally used visual cues, like stepping in front of him or waving, to get his attention. If Jaebum wasn’t looking in a place where that was possible Jackson found other ways, like kicking the bench he was sitting on, the vibrations making him look up.

Jackson had just done it all on it own. He'd never once asked Jaebum about it. He seemed to have a great intuition for ways to make Jaebum feel at ease, almost to Jinyoung’s level if Jaebum was honest. But Jaebum had also seen him get up and run across the hall to return a transit pass to a girl who’d dropped it. He’d seen Jackson help a professor carry boxes of essays to their lecture hall. Helping others and making sure they were comfortable just seemed to be the type of person Jackson was.

“So what are we doing here?” Jaebum asked, standing and returning Jackson’s smile as he slid his phone back into his coat pocket.

“I wanted to try something and wanted someone to come with me.” He said as he started walking towards the strip mall behind the bus stop.

“And you chose me to come with you?” Jaebum asked, surprised. He was not usually anyone’s first choice for going out and doing things. He did it to himself, but his reluctance to wear his hearing aid undeniably made things more complicated most places he went.

Jackson turned around, walking backwards so Jaebum could see his lips. “You were the only person I thought of honestly.” He said with an excited look.

Now Jaebum was infinitely more curious about where they were going. His curiosity turned to utter bewilderment when Jackson led him to an instrument and sheet music store. “Jackson? What are we doing here?” He asked in confusion.

Jackson held the door open for him. “Learning how to play the cello.”

“The cello?” Jaebum asked, certain he’d misread Jackson’s lips.

Jackson nodded excitedly.

Jaebum just stared at him for a moment. Jackson was definitely an impulsive person Jaebum had come to learn, but the cello? Where the hell did Jackson get that idea from?

Still… He’d kind of always wanted to learn how to play the cello. It was actually his first choice instrument when he was a kid, until his parents found out how brutally expensive they were to buy and had gotten him a keyboard instead. “Fuck it, let’s do it.” He said with a shrug.

Jackson’s grin already made the trip worth it as they stepped into the warm interior of the store. The two followed signs up to a second level to a large room which was currently filled with about thirty seats, cellos resting on their sides next to them, bows sitting across the chairs and cheap black music stands in front of every chair.

The room was about half full of people and Jackson led Jaebum to seats at the end of the back row. On the stand in front of him was a stapled package of papers, the cover sheet asking them to not touch the cello or the hairs on the bow before they were given more instruction. He picked up the package and flipped through it. It contained information about the cello and it’s parts, proper hand grips and playing postures, care instructions and some basic lines of music.

He looked to his left at Jackson who was flipping through his own package. “How did you even know about this?” He asked quietly, still trying to figure out why Jackson would ask a deaf person to go learn an instrument with him.

Jackson tilted his head to the side and frowned slightly.

It took Jaebum a minute to realize that Jackson hadn’t heard him. He look on his face wasn’t a lack of understanding, it was a way of asking Jaebum to say it again. He repeated the question a bit louder.

“Oh, the company is doing a program to try to get more people interested in music. They do a two hour crash course in a different instrument every week. My training partner went to the first one to learn guitar. I thought it would be fun.” He said with a shrug as he set the papers back onto the stand and picked up the bow instead, looking it over.

Jaebum was so tempted to ask why he’d brought Jaebum with him when Jinyoung and Youngjae were by far the more obvious choices but he instead dropped the package back on the stand and picked up his bow as well. The strings—or hairs as they were apparently called—were loose and flopped around uselessly and Jaebum wondered if his was broken, but when he looked around all of them seemed to be the same.

He put the bow down and went back to reading through the package until Jackson reached over and tapped the backrest of his chair to get his attention. He looked up and Jackson nodded to the front of the room where a woman dressed all in black seemed to be addressing everyone.

Jaebum put his papers down and was reaching for his phone to turn on his speech to text software when Jackson reached over and dropped his own phone on Jaebum’s stand. Jaebum panicked for a quick second because the stand belonging to the guy in front of him seemed to be collapsing under the weight of paper, but his stand seemed to be okay.

It was then he realized why Jackson had given it to him. It was on. And it was open to a speech-to-text app.

Not all the apps were made equally and some of them were about as good as processing speech as YouTube was at auto-translating. Some of them weren’t very good at selecting which volume of voice to translate, opting for proximity instead, and Jaebum used to get to read his classmates’ conversations instead of his lectures.

But the one Jackson had downloaded onto his phone was one of the top ones. It wasn’t the one Jaebum used, but it was unlikely Jackson had found it on his own without doing some kind of research first. Jaebum looked over at Jackson and wondered if this whole thing was really just a whim like he’d first thought it was.

Jackson pointed, rather pointedly, at the phone and Jaebum took the hint, going back and scrolling through the text he’d missed. She hadn’t said anything all that important, introducing herself and explaining the purpose of them being there, that kind of thing.

She didn’t talk long before telling everyone to pick up their bows. Apparently the hairs were loosened when it was stored because the tension would actually physically warp the bow otherwise. There was a small dial at the bottom of the bow that tightened or loosened them. They weren’t to touch the hairs at all because the oils or any creams or products on their fingers would eventually damage them beyond repair and then they wouldn’t grip the strings of the cello properly.

Then it came to actually holding the bow. The instructor modelled the proper bow grip, told them to look at the page in their packets for clarification and then still had to go around and correct every one of them because the inventor of the bow grip seemed to have spent a lot of time finding the most uncomfortable way to hold the damn thing and then decided to go with that one.

Jaebum looked over at Jackson, curious if his experience with fencing grips was giving him any kind of advantage, but he looked over in time to see Jackson drop it on the floor.

Jaebum laughed, likely too loud given how people turned around to look at him, but Jackson didn’t care. He just send Jaebum a mournful look. “I regret this so much already.”

Jaebum laughed again, more quietly this time, and went back to breaking his fingers so that he could hold the bow ‘properly.’

When the woman told them all to put down the bows and pick up their cellos there was a collective sigh of relief so loud that Jaebum swore even he could hear it. The leader gave them all an exasperated look before teaching them out to adjust the silver peg on the bottom of the cello according to their height and where the cello should rest against their left shoulders and between their knees.

They went through hand positions, left fingers on the strings which helpfully had pieces of white tape on the neck under the strings to help them know where to place their fingers.

It was almost forty five minutes into the lesson before the instructor gave them some free time to put it all together and the were actually able to put bow to cello, but it was honestly amazing when they did. Jaebum lived most his life interacting with vibrations: vibrations from his phone, from his friends seeking his attention, from piano keys underneath his fingertips.

He had had no idea how much vibration came from a cello. It was like like his whole body could feel it. The bass notes vibrated the floor under his feet, went through the inside of his knees where the instrument rested. They went through his shoulder from where it rested and through both arms, one from the bow and the other from the strings. It was honestly a little incredible to be able to feel the sound so vividly.

He wasn’t paying attention to Jackson until he realized that the man was standing beside him. He looked up and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Jackson shook his head and gestured to the cello. “Play it again. I want to try something.”

Jaebum obliged, feeling Jackson’s fingers slip through his hair on the right side of his head and turning it slightly to the right before moving his head to the left. Jackson’s other hand must have been on the cello because he felt it shift against his shoulder until one of the large plastic tuning pegs at the top was resting against the bone behind his left ear.

The deep, rich, beautiful sound that echoed through his head made the bow slip from between his fingers and onto the ground.

He sat there frozen for a moment before Jackson moved to within his line of sight, looking panicked. “Jaebum?” He asked.

Jaebum looked at him. “I heard it.” He said so quietly he wasn’t sure if Jackson could hear it, but the happy look on Jackson’s face was enough of an indicator that he had.

“How…?” Jaebum began, not even sure what he was really trying to ask. How did Jackson know to do that? How did he know it would work? Out of all the instruments, how did he know that cello was probably the only one Jaebum had a chance of hearing without his hearing aid?

 Jackson picked up his fallen bow and passed it to him, still with that happy smile on his face, before going back to his own instrument, squeezing Jaebum’s shoulder—the one the cello wasn’t resting against—as he passed behind him.

Jaebum sat there for a few more minutes, trying to process what had happened. Not that he could hear the cello; that was cool but it honestly wasn’t all that groundbreaking. He was having a hard time processing that Jackson was the one that had thought of it.

Sure, he’d asked about Jaebum’s deafness and he believed that Jackson was genuinely interested and listening when he’d explained. But to take that information and go out of his way to think of this? To invite Jaebum along with him? That honestly wasn’t something Jaebum would have expected any of his friends to do, nevermind Jackson.

He wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the fact that he had.

He glanced over at Jackson. The fencer was biting his lip in concentration as he flicked his gaze between the fingers pressing the strings and the ones holding the bow. It didn’t look like cello came naturally to Jackson but he was getting on alright. He certainly wasn’t letting it stop him from trying his best to play the short strip of music on the paper in front of him.

Letting a warm smile cross his face, Jaebum turned his attention back to his own music. He hesitated a moment before turning his head the way Jackson had and resting the cello behind his ear, playing once more, simply enjoying the deep, pure sound of the instrument in his arms. He’d always loved the sound of the cello, and that hadn’t changed when he’d lost his hearing.

It wasn’t comfortable playing like that though. He couldn’t see the strings and he had to use his left hand to press the cello against his head so the vibrations would be strong enough. Once he’d heard his fill he turned back to the sheet music in front of him, doing his best to play through the basic lines of music.

∾

“Well I learned today that the cello is not a musical instrument but an instrument of torture.” Jackson said as they sat down at the bus stop after the lesson. He was staring down at his hands. The fingertips of his left hand were bright red and when he tried to bend his right thumb it did this weird popping motion that Jaebum was pretty sure wasn't normal.

He looked down at his own hands. The tips of his left fingers felt swollen and tender from pressing down the cello strings. His right thumb ached from holding the how with such an awkward grip for so long.

He looked back up in time to see Jackson continue speaking. “I wonder if the feeling in my thumb will come back by Thursday. My coach will kill me if I perform poorly at the tournament.” He stared in apparent fascination at the movement of his right thumb.

“I want to know when I can use my left hand again.” Jaebum said. Even just opening the door had been painful. The tips of his fingers almost felt a bit raw, like his palms used to when he’d done the monkey bars for too long as a kid and would end up with blisters.

Jackson sent him an apologetic look. “Sorry for making you do that. I didn’t know it would hurt.”

Jaebum shook his head. “Don’t be sorry.” He hesitated, trying to find the words he wanted before continuing. “Jackson?”

Jackson finally looked away from his thumb, dropping his hand back onto his lap. “Yeah?”

“Why did you bring me here today? How did you know I’d be able to hear it?”

Jackson shifted, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “I didn’t know you’d be able to, but I guess I thought you had a pretty good chance. I mean I remember you telling me about how your hearing works now, how your hearing aid sits behind your ear and sends vibrations for you to be able to hear. I don’t know why, but I thought of you when I saw the sign for this week’s session on the community bulletin board at the gym. It had a picture of someone playing and it just kind of struck me how close the neck of the cello was to the person’s ear.” He looked at Jaebum. “I guess I was a bit curious if it would work. And then I found out that you play music so I thought that it might actually be something you would enjoy too. So I signed us up.”

Jaebum didn’t know how to articulate that no one had ever done something like that for him before. He could honestly say that he’d probably never play the cello again in his life, but he was certain that he’d never forget today either, not because of his sore fingers, but because it was the first time someone had made plans based on the fact that he could hear rather than the fact that he couldn’t.

“Thank you.” He said, hoping that Jackson could feel his sincerity. Hoping that he understood that it wasn’t for inviting him to play the cello, but for asking about his hearing loss and for caring enough to remember it in order to invite him here.

Jackson gave him a warm smile before going back to massaging his thumb.

It wasn’t till they were on the bus and almost back to campus that something Jackson had said finally filtered through Jaebum’s brain.

He turned around and looked at Jackson who was seated behind him. “Did you say earlier that you had a fencing competition this week?”

Jackson’s eyes widened. “No. You’re not coming.”

Jaebum just sent him a sly grin and turned back in his seat.

Chapter Text

Jackson’s tournament turned out to be the national competition for all college fencers and was going to be held in their school’s basketball court. Jaebum had tasked Mark with getting the details out of Jackson since he knew there was no way Jackson was going to tell him anything given the way he’d reacted on the bus.

It started mid-morning on Thursday meaning that Jaebum and Yugyeom would have to leave one of their classes early and skip another one entirely if they wanted to watch the whole thing; Mark and Bambam would have to skip an afternoon class. None of them minded as they all met in the lobby of the building that housed the basketball courts.

Mark volunteered to get snacks from a stand that had been set up while the rest of them filed into the gym to get seats on the bleachers along one of the walls. For a college fencing tournament that none of them had heard of until six days ago, there was a surprising amount of people in the stands. They found seats about midway up on the left hand side of the basketball court, which had been altered to hold six long grey mats, a scoreboard set up on a table in the middle of each one. Athletes, trainers, officials in suits and equipment were scattered all over the remaining space.

“Which one do you think is Jackson?” Youngjae asked after they got settled, his eyes scanning over the athletes in white and grey spread out across the gym.

Jaebum looked at them too. Most of them were warming up, sparring with a partner and wearing their masks so there was no way to tell which was Jackson. He looked back at his friends to see Bambam shutting down one of their picks because ‘Jackson’s ass is way better that than guy’s.’

Mark came back and handed out snacks as he went down the row. Jaebum always sat on the end because it was easier for him to see everyone all at once; he just had to turn his head in one direction. He ignored what his friends were talking about and let his eyes roam over the athletes, curious if all his Jackson watching was going to pay off. He was at a bit of a disadvantage since he spent most of his time watching Jackson’s face, but his eyes stopped on a fencer who tossed his arms in the air and tilted his head back as he celebrated what looked like a victory. It reminded Jaebum of the way Jackson laughed.

He felt someone poke his knee and he turned to look at Youngjae, who was seated beside him. “Find him yet?” The singer asked.

Jaebum nodded and pointed toward the one he thought was Jackson. “There. The one with the red design on his thigh.”

Youngjae nodded and leaned to the other side, no doubt telling the rest of them Jaebum’s pick.

Yugyeom, who was sitting at the other end of the group of six leaned forward to look at Jaebum. “Are you sure? He seems too tall to be Jackson-hyung.”

Jinyoung pointed. “He’s taking his mask off.”

Jaebum turned and held his breath as the fencer took his mask off and shook out his hair. His light brown hair. The fencer bowed and shook hands with his sparring opponent before turning and watching the rest of the group warm up with a familiar smile.

Jaebum turned and sent his friends a smug look.

Wordlessly, Mark leaned across Jinyoung and Youngjae to offer Jaebum some of his gummy worms as a victory prize. Mark didn’t share his gummies with anyone so Jaebum figured that he was impressed.

Yugyeom leaned forward again as Mark leaned back. “Does anyone actually know anything about fencing?”

“Mark was supposed to ask.” Jaebum said, turning back to the oldest.

“And I did.” Mark said around a mouthful of jellies which made it hard to read his lips. “But I don’t remember anything he said.”

The kids deflated and Jinyoung whacked his boyfriend’s arm.

“There were so many rules!” Mark defended.

Youngjae pulled out his phone and opened Google. Jaebum watched as he typed in 'fencing' and opened the first link that came up.

Youngjae frowned and looked up. “There are different types of fencing. Does anyone know which one Jackson does?”

Everyone shook their head.

“Let’s just make our own rules as we go along.” Bambam suggested, clearly unbothered about watching a sport he knew nothing about for the next few hours.

Jaebum was about to tell him exactly how terrible he thought that idea was when a voice came through the speakers, asking for all the athletes to return to their team’s area so they could get started.

They watched as the teams waited around, checking their equipment while men in suits looked over the six long grey mats that had been laid out to make sure they were clean and ready to go. The announcer then welcomed everyone and introduced all the teams and the men in suits, who turned out to be the referees. There were two events taking place that day, the team event in the morning and the individual matches in the afternoon. They announced the groups each university had entered into the team event and Jackson was on their university’s team along with two others and a spare. His team wasn’t fencing first so the group split up the matches that were happening to hopefully gain some kind of understanding of the sport before Jackson was up.

Jaebum ended up watching Jackson instead. He’d seen a lot of different sides to Jackson, from struggling with school work to letting himself be ridiculous with the maknaes but he’d never seen Jackson look so comfortable or focused as he did sitting next to one of the matches, watching the fighters closely. He and the teammates that were sitting around him would often talk between rounds, strategizing Jaebum assumed. The others seemed to value Jackson’s opinion, all of them listening intently to what Jackson had to say, or leaning over and asking him questions when they had the chance. He was a leader on the team. That much was obvious to Jaebum.

On one hand Jaebum was surprised; Jackson had only been here for a few weeks. It was impressive to see how the other fencers seemed to look to Jackson for advice over other members of their team. But on the other hand, Jaebum knew exactly how hard Jackson worked, how seriously he took not only fencing but everything he put his mind to. The cello lesson over the weekend being an example. He didn’t have to care, he didn’t even have to go, but he’d committed to that two hours and he threw himself into doing his best at it.

Round One passed and the guys had managed to accumulate some basic information about the format of the competition. The individual games happened far too quick for anyone to figure out what exactly was going on but they seemed to understand the structure of the overall matches. Teams of three. Each fencer was paired with one on the opposing team and the two sparred until one of them reached five points. The points carried over to the next pair and the first time to get to fifteen was the winning team.

Youngjae grabbed Jaebum’s hand and squeezed when it was Jackson’s turn. He was going last on his team, who were up ten points to six. Jaebum had no idea if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Did the save the strongest fencers for last? Did the weakest ones go last? He wished he knew more of the strategy behind fencing.

Jackson stood and went to talk to his coach briefly before nodding and slipping on his mask and stepping on the mat. The referee clipped Jackson and his opponent into the wires that connected them to the mats—something none of the others had any good guesses as to what purpose that served—and then Jackson and his opponent approached one another and shook hands before tapping their swords against the other's shoulder—another thing that none of them could figure out the reason for, other than that it looked cool.

Once the referee gave them the okay, both Jackson and his opponent moved to their respective ends of the mat. Even without being able to see his face, Jaebum could see a shift in Jackson’s body language. His shoulders dropped and he seemed lighter on his feet as he raised his sword and took his starting position.

The referee made a hand gesture, and probably a verbal one too, and both Jackson and his opponent lunged forward towards one another. About two seconds later a light on Jackson’s side of the scoreboard lit up and the two separated, Jackson’s teammates cheering as the two made their way back to their starting points.

Jackson had scored, but Jaebum had missed the entire thing.

Jackson’s head snapped in their direction. Confused as to why, Jaebum looked down the row to see Yugyeom and Bambam standing up, their hands cupped around their mouths, no doubt screaming something.  Jaebum didn’t know what audience etiquette was like during fencing, but he hadn’t seen anyone else standing and screaming obnoxiously.

Jinyoung stood and leaned over Mark to push them back into their seats, smacking them both in the back of the head before sitting down again.  Jaebum chuckled as he read the word ‘idiots’ on Jinyoung’s lips before turning back to the match, finding Jackson already back on the mat and ready for the next round.

The next two rounds were about the same. The two would barely approach one another before a light was going off, signalling a point. One more for Jackson and one for his opponent.

Jaebum was a bit frustrated. He could tell that Jackson was really good a lunging but he either didn’t know enough about fencing or the rounds were happening too fast for him to be able keep up. He wished he knew more so that he had a better understanding of how skilled Jackson was.

He had to wait till the team final to see it. Jackson and his team successfully beat their first opponents, and two others after that, in order to get to the final. There the rounds were longer, more of a back and forth going on between the two fencers. Jackson’s team was down ten to eight. Jackson would need to get seven points if his team were going to win.

Jaebum watched as Jackson talked with his team and his coach, his expression more serious that Jaebum had ever seen it. He didn’t look nervous though, his expression showing nothing but pure determination as he listened to the final words from his coached before getting set to begin the final pairing of the match.

Youngjae was squeezing his hand so hard it almost hurt but Jaebum was probably squeezing back just as hard. He glanced down the row to see Bambam biting on one of his knuckles. Yugyeom’s knees were bouncing up and down at a rapid pace.

The first round alone was incredible. The speed and agility that Jackson possessed as he and his opponent sparred made it look like he barely touched the floor as he drove them back or he himself jumped backwards to dodge attacks against him. Jaebum now understood why Jackson was so determined to keep his physical fitness to a certain standard and felt a bit guilty that they always coaxed him into eating junk food.

The way Jackson moved was nothing short of incredible. There was confidence and strength in every move that he made, no step stuttering or unsure, every move he made with his sword looked calculated and precise.

Jaebum now fully understood why his teammates looked up to him.

Jaebum didn’t understand how anyone could possibly enjoy watching sports. Jackson had come back to tie the score at fourteen and Jaebum felt like he was about to have a heart attack, throw up or explode into a million pieces. Possibly all three at once.

The referee signaled them to go and seconds later, the light for Jackson’s team lit up and the number flipped to fifteen.

Not caring about audience etiquette rules, all six of them shot to their feet, screaming and cheering. Youngjae threw his arms around Jaebum and hugged him tightly. Luckily this time they weren’t the only ones on their feet.

Despite the cheering and the celebration from his teammates, the first thing Jackson did was take off his mask and approach his opponent, a smile on his face as he shook the other man’s hand and bowed to him.

Jaebum smiled. That was Jackson. He had come back from a seven point deficit, he must be overflowing with emotion and adrenaline, his own team was celebrating his win but the first thing he did was congratulate his opponent with sincerity.

As he stepped back and was swarmed by his teammates, Jackson raised his eyes and found the group of them who were still standing and cheering. The happiness he radiated as his team lifted him up was almost blinding.

∾

The tournament stopped for a short lunch before the individual competitions started. It seemed like a more casual environment with athletes who weren’t participating milling about, watching the matches of those who were. The rules were different too, but they hadn’t been able to figure them out for sure. They had to get to fifteen points, but there was also something about a time limit that came into play during a semifinal match.

Jaebum watched as athletes from other schools sought out Jackson and he spent most of his afternoon surrounded by other fencers, only some of which he knew. The matches that he participated in had a higher number of people crowded around the mat watching.

Jaebum couldn’t blame them. Watching Jackson fence wasn’t something that Jaebum ever thought he’d get tired of. He wasn’t the only good one; there were several that even people as oblivious to the world of fencing as they were could tell were very skilled at their sport. But Jaebum felt the same watching Jackson as he did watching Yugyeom dance. There was just something about Jackson that was different, that filled him with pride that he knew someone so exceptional.

Jackson made it to the final once again, and Jaebum felt his heart in his throat as Jackson fell short by three points, finishing the tournament in second place. Even then the smile never fell of Jackson’s face as he shook the winner’s hand, congratulating him and applauding every bit as hard as everyone else. He was as gracious a loser as he was a winner and Jaebum found himself incredibly proud that he knew someone like Jackson Wang.

∾

When the tournament was over, they all decided to wait in the lobby for Jackson as he showered and changed out of his gear. He looked startled when he and his teammates exited the gym about half an hour later, clearly not having expected them to hang around.

Yugyeom and Bambam ran to him and hugged him, Bambam chanting what looked like Jackson’s name and Yugyeom swaying all three of them from side to side as he said something Jaebum couldn’t make out from the angle he was standing at.

Whatever it was made Jackson’s teammates laugh as they skirted around the trio, some of them reaching over to ruffle Jackson’s hair with proud looks on their faces as they passed.

Jackson’s face split into a smile and he dropped his equipment and wrapped his arms around the two youngest, laughing.

“I can’t believe you guys actually came.” Jackson said, beaming as he untangled himself from the maknaes and made his way over to where Jaebum and the others were standing. “You guys had classes!”

“It’s not everyday we get the chance to see a friend come in second in a National College level fencing tournament.” Jaebum said, smiling. “Congrats by the way.”

Jackson blushed but had a huge smile on his face and it might have been the cutest thing that Jaebum had ever seen.

Mark reached out and pinched one of Jackson's red cheeks with a comment Jaebum missed that made Jackson blush darker and swat him away with an embarrassed ‘stop it.’

He was still smiling though.

“Can we take the second best college fencer in the country out to dinner?” Jinyoung asked from next to Jaebum.

Jackson grimaced. “Only if you promise to never call me that again.”

Jinyoung laughed but he was wearing a look that indicated he wasn’t planning on calling Jackson by anything else for a while.

“Let me ask someone to take my stuff back to the gym for me. Hold on.” Jackson said, hauling his equipment bags with him as he went in search of someone who was heading back to the fencing building.

The others argued over where to take Jackson before finally deciding on a pizza place just off of campus from the sports buildings. Jackson returned in a moment and was more than alright with pizza so the seven of them started to walk.

Jaebum fell to the back of the group with Mark and Jinyoung, enjoying watching the others fool around and congratulate Jackson repeatedly as they walked.

Mark elbowed him gently, prompting him to look over. “Jackson was upset about today.”

Jaebum frowned. “Why? Was he nervous?” Did he somehow find out that Jaebum was planning on going and bringing all their friends along?

Mark shook his head. “He wanted his family to be here.” He said, looking pained. “Today was the first of several competitions that Jackson has to do well in in order to qualify for the Olympics next year. He talked to his mom last night and she was upset that she couldn’t be here with him as he started his path to the Olympics. Which then upset Jackson.”

Jaebum hurt. He hadn’t known any of that when he made the spontaneous decision to go and watch. He had just wanted to satisfy his own personal curiosity and see Jackson do something that he was so passionate about.

He supposed that he hadn’t really thought about Jackson being homesick either. He was only here for a short amount of time, but the more Jaebum thought about it the more he realized how homesick he would be if he went to a new country where he knew no one. Especially if he was participating in an event that meant so much to his dreams and his future.

He remembered the look of surprise on Jackson’s face when he’d seen them waiting in the lobby for him. How pleased he’d looked when he found them in the stands after his win. How even though he was embarrassed by their praise and teasing, he looked happy and proud of his accomplishment. As he should be.

He looked over to where Jackson was talking with Yugyeom. He looked genuinely happy.

“I’m glad we went today then.” Jaebum said quietly, looking over at Mark. He was suddenly glad that the maknaes had made fools of themselves after Jackson got his first point in the team event. It had let Jackson know they were there and that they were supporting him. Even if Jackson couldn’t have his family with him Jaebum was glad that Jackson knew he had people who cared about him cheering him on.

Mark sent him a smile. “Me too.”

∾

Dinner was fun. They managed to cram their asses into one of the booths at the restaurant; team Small and Skinny—Jackson, Bambam, Jinyoung and Mark—on one side and team Broad Shoulders—Jaebum, Yugyeom and Youngjae—on the other. Everyone made sure to gush about how amazing Jackson had been and Jinyoung had taken great pleasure in introducing the waiter to ‘the second best college fencer in the country.’ Jackson had begged them all to stop, but the smile on his face wasn’t convincing so no one did.

Yugyeom and Bambam even did a hilarious reenactment of one of Jackson’s matches with cutlery which was put to an immediate stop by Mark when Bambam almost elbowed Jinyoung in the face.

Jaebum volunteered to pay for everyone, insisting that the Food Fund Jar had accumulated enough money to cover the meal. It hadn’t. But it was close enough and the smile on Jackson’s face was worth it.

The kids finally eased off on Jackson on the way home and Jackson was the one to lag at the back with Jaebum this time while the others split up for the rest of the night. Youngjae left by bus because he had to get home and take his dog for a walk since his brother was a work. Yugyeom and Bambam took the bus too because one of their favourite dramas was on that night and they didn’t want to miss it. They all made sure to give Jackson a hug before they left, sharing how proud they were of him.

Jinyoung and Mark were walking ahead of them, Mark’s arm wrapped around Jinyoung’s shoulders as they talked.

Jaebum almost jumped when he felt Jackson’s fingers wrap around his own. He looked over to see Jackson giving him the warmest smile he’d ever seen on the boy’s face. “Thank you for coming today. And for buying dinner.” He said.

“You’re not mad that I ignored you and showed up anyways, bringing all of our friends along too?” Jaebum asked.

Jackson laughed and shook his head. “No. It was really nice to know that I had people in the audience cheering for me. I could hear you guys and it made me want to do better, helped motivate me to do my best.”

Jaebum felt an overwhelming urge to hug the man next to him. He settled for squeezing his hand instead. “I know that it’s been said like a hundred times tonight, and probably a hundred more times that I didn’t notice, but you really were amazing today. I don’t know all that much about fencing but even I could see that. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do at the Olympics.”

Jackson squeezed his hand back and kept looking at him with that smile. “Thank you.”

Jackson didn’t let go of his hand as they continued walking home.

Jaebum didn’t let go either.

Chapter Text

Jinyoung stepped in front of the television that Jaebum was watching.

Jaebum looked up at him from where he was lying across their couch. “What are you doing, move.”

“You’re sulking.” Jinyoung said, crossing his arms with a stern expression.

Jaebum blinked. “I’m not sulking. Why would you say that?”

“You’re watching a romantic drama.”

“So?” Jaebum asked, completely bewildered by their conversation.

Jinyoung crossed to sit on Jaebum’s feet. “You only watch those when you’re thinking about something else because the plot is so predictable it doesn’t matter if you totally zone out for ten minutes at a time.”

Well shit. Jinyoung had him there. He honestly didn’t even know the names of the main characters in the one he was watching at the moment. The female lead was funny though.

“Just because I’m thinking doesn’t mean I’m sulking.”

“It does if you’re thinking about Jackson.” Jinyoung retorted with a pointed look.

It was study week and Jackson had gone to the United States with his fencing team for the international college level competition. Jaebum hadn’t seen him in almost a week and to say that he hadn’t thought about the fencer at all would have been a lie. But it wasn’t true that he was sulking about not having Jackson there either.

He was bored . He’d gone home for a few days and spent time with his parents. He practiced piano more than had all semester. He’d caught up on the shows that actually interested him and had read one of the books in his to-read pile on the corner of his desk. He actually managed to get some school work done too.

But in and around all that, he did think about Jackson. He’d spent time with Jackson almost everyday for two months. It would be weird if Jackson’s absence went unnoticed.

But he wasn’t sulking just because he wondered what Jackson was doing at random times throughout the day or how he had to wait to get replies to his messages because of the time difference.

Jaebum poked Jinyoung in the butt with his toe before pulling his feet out from under his friend and sitting up. “Don’t lump me into the same group as you just because your boyfriend ditched you for study week. If any one of us is sulking, it’s definitely you.”

Jackson’s fencing tournament was in Los Angeles, which happened to be where Mark was from. He decided to go back with Jackson and his team and visit with his family during his break, something he hadn’t done in over a year. Jinyoung couldn’t go with him so he was being extra annoying and naggy toward Jaebum.

“Oh, I fully admit that I’m sulking. I miss Mark. That’s why I’m around annoying your ass until you admit that you miss Jackson.”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “I do miss Jackson. But… It’s like those rare days when you decide to wear your contacts instead of your glasses but you keep reaching up to adjust your glasses anyway even though you aren’t wearing them. It’s more a habit. I’ve gotten used to him being around me or texting me. It feels strange now that he’s not.”

It was honestly a bit unsettling to Jaebum how quickly he’d gotten used to Jackson’s presence in his life. He’d tried studying in the corner of the psychology building, but he found that the space suddenly seemed too big and empty without Jackson and his big personality filling the other half.

It wasn’t just him either. Bambam and Yugyeom in particular were whiny about how much they missed Jackson. They all missed Mark too, of course, but without Jackson it seemed like all the energy had just been sucked out of them. They had always enjoyed being a group of six, but somehow they felt complete with seven. And now that they had a week with only five they were probably all sulking a bit.

Jinyoung looked at him with an expression that almost bordered on hurt. “How much longer do I have to keep nagging you till you actually talk to me about Jackson?” Jinyoung asked. “I know how much you stare at him. And do not lie to me and say that you’re just reading his lips. You stare at his lips even when he’s not talking.”

Jaebum fought against a blush. “There is nothing to say. We’re friends.”

Jinyoung sent him a look. “Jaebum-ah, you spend more time with him than you do with me. And you’ve been stuck to me since we were like ten.”

Jaebum kicked him, not mentioning how Jinyoung literally did not leave his hospital room for almost a week after the accident. “Don’t call me that. I just like him more than I like you.” He said without thinking.

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows.

“Not like that. ” He said, exasperated.

“But he’s gorgeous.” Jinyoung said and Jaebum could read the suspicion on his face.

“He is.” Jaebum agreed.

“And he’s basically the sweetest human being on the planet.”

Jaebum tried and failed to suppress a small smile. “He is.” He agreed once more.

“And he’s like a hundred percent your type.”

Jaebum wasn’t going to agree verbally to that one, but Jinyoung didn’t need him to. “You like him. I know you do. I don’t understand why you haven’t asked him out yet. You’re not usually shy about things that you want.”

Jaebum could have said a lot of things as a response to that. He could have said that he wasn’t interested in dating at the moment. He could have said that he didn’t have time for a relationship until after graduation. He could have said that he simply wasn’t interested in Jackson in that way.

But all of those would have been lies and even if Jaebum didn’t like lying to Jinyoung, Jinyoung would have known it was bullshit anyway.

The truth was that Jaebum didn’t know anyone who could spend the amount of time with Jackson that he did and not fall at least a little but in love with him. Not that Jaebum was in love with Jackson, but he thought it would be so easy to fall if he wanted to be. And it wasn’t even that he didn’t want it. Jackson was one of the best people that Jaebum knew. He would consider himself lucky to be able to call himself Jackson’s boyfriend.

He’d actually thought about it a lot after Jackson’s tournament as he and Jackson had walked home hand in hand. Jackson had pulled him in for a hug before he and Mark had headed toward their dorm. Jackson had said something; Jaebum felt the vibrations from Jackson’s throat against his shoulder, where Jackson was resting his chin.

When he pulled back and asked Jackson to repeat it, Jackson was blushing and just mumbled something that looked like goodnight. Jaebum had looked over at Mark, hoping the older boy would help him and repeat what Jackson had said, but Mark was looking at Jackson with a soft expression on his face, shaking his head slightly when Jaebum caught his eye.

He’d had a hard time sleeping that night, thinking about the way Jackson’s hand had felt in his. About how Jackson had felt in his arms. About what Jackson could have said that embarrassed him enough to not want to repeat it.

But it wasn’t even just Jackson’s actions or reactions. He thought about the way he couldn’t seem to make himself stop staring, even though he was used to most of Jackson’s expressions by now. How he couldn’t stop the stupid smile from creeping across his face whenever he saw Jackson’s name attached to an incoming text, or when Jackson sat down opposite him and greeted him with that blinding smile of his.

So it wasn’t that Jinyoung was wrong about any of what he’d just said. It was just that…

“There’s no point.” Jaebum said simply, leaning a shoulder against the back of the couch, crossing his legs in front of him.

Jinyoung’s expression shifted, taking on the slightly protective edge Jaebum had seen so many times. “Why not?” He asked.

“Because he’s leaving.” Jaebum replied quietly.

Jinyoung’s expression cleared and he just blinked at him.

Jaebum shifted and looked down at his fingers in his lap. “So of course I’ve thought about all those things, but what’s the point? He’s leaving in two months. I already miss him now when we’re just friends and he’s only gone for a week. How much would it hurt if we were actually together and I knew he wasn’t coming back?”

He didn’t look back up at Jinyoung, not even when Jinyoung pulled on his sleeve for his attention. He didn’t want to see the pity or sadness on his friend’s face.

Apparently he didn’t have a choice because a second later the couch shifted and then Jinyoung was laying in his lap was looking straight up at him. “I’m sorry.” He said, Jaebum struggling to read his lips upside down. “I didn’t think of that, and I should have.” He said.

Jaebum smiled and brushed his friend’s hair out of his eyes. “It’s fine.” He said before pausing. “Well no, it’s not. It fucking sucks. But it’s not your fault.”

Jinyoung kept looking at him with that pitying face so Jaebum put his palms on Jinyoung’s cheeks and squished his face, making him look like an idiot instead. “Stop looking at me like that!”

Jinyoung’s eyes crinkled as he laughed and tried to fight Jaebum off. Jaebum kept squishing his face for a few more seconds before letting Jinyoung pry his hands away and letting him sit up.

Jinyoung massaged his cheeks before giving Jaebum a serious expression. “Do you really think it’ll matter?”

Jaebum tilted his head, not understanding what Jinyoung was talking about.

“Do you really think that it’ll matter that you weren’t together when Jackson leaves. Do you think it’ll hurt any less just because you two didn’t label yourselves? It’s obvious to anyone with eyes that he adores you as much as you adore him.”

Honestly Jaebum didn’t think it would. He was certain that saying goodbye to Jackson was going to be painful either way. But if he knew what it was like to be Jackson's boyfriend? How it would feel to have Jackson’s fingers absently running through his hair as they just cuddled and did nothing? How Jackson’s lips would feel against his own?

He wasn’t sure how he’d deal with knowing all of that and then having it taken away from him.

“Could you watch Mark leave you?” He asked instead.

Jinyoung frowned. “No, but that doesn’t mean it would be any easier to watch you leave me.”

His bond with Jinyoung that they’d built over a decade of friendship wasn’t even close to the friendship he had with Jackson, but Jaebum understood what he was trying to say. “I don’t think it’d be easier to watch him leave, but I do think that it’ll be easier to miss him if we stay just friends.” He said, hoping that made sense.

He watched Jinyoung echo the words ‘easier to miss him’ before he leaned forward and squeezed Jaebum’s shoulder. “Well, if you say so. I don’t know if I agree with you, but I’ll accept that you know what you’re doing.”

“I rarely know what I’m doing.” Jaebum confessed.

Jinyoung smiled. “I know. Thank god you have me to figure that out for you.” He said before getting to his feet and into the kitchen. He paused next to the kitchen table and then turned back to Jaebum, waving for his attention. Did you change your characters? he signed. He always used sign language when he wasn’t close to Jaebum. It was easier for Jaebum to see his hands than his lips.

Jaebum frowned. “What? No.”

Jinyoung looked back at the table before picking up his sketchbook and tossing it carefully over to him. Jaebum looked down at the frame that was supposed to have been filled with Beethoven, but held a cartoon fencer instead.

He looked up at Jinyoung to see a sad smugness on his face. I told you you were sulking.

Jaebum had to laugh at Jinyoung’s pettiness and his determination to always be right, even though the reason why really wasn’t all that funny.

∾

Jaebum asked if he could tag along when Jinyoung was going to leave to get Mark and Jackson from the airport the following day. He let Jinyoung tease him about wanted to see Jackson sooner, but it honestly had nothing to do with him. Jinyoung would never admit it but he absolutely hated driving to places as busy and unfamiliar as the airport. Jaebum just went with him so that he didn’t have to do it alone.

Seeing Jackson a day early was just a bonus.

He followed the signs to guide Jinyoung to the parking garage next to the arrival terminal before going inside to look for Jackson and Mark.

Jinyoung found them first, pulling Jaebum to where the two were sitting. Jaebum frowned when his eyes landed on Jackson. He was wearing a mask and his eyes were closed as he leaned on Mark’s shoulder. Even from across the room he looked pale.

“Is Jackson sick?” He asked aloud.

Jinyoung shrugged and signed that Jackson could just be tired.

Mark looked up from his phone and smiled when he saw the two heading towards them. He gently shook Jackson awake before standing and walking to Jinyoung, wrapping his arms around him and placing a soft kiss on his temple.

Jaebum turned away from them just in time to see Jackson realize he was there. Even though Jackson was wearing a mask, Jaebum knew from his eyes that he was smiling. He waved and Jackson got to his feet, pulling his mask down onto his chin so Jaebum could see his lips. “What are you doing here?” Jackson asked as Jaebum reached past him and grabbed his suitcase.

“Jinyoung made me come to carry the bags.” He lied, looking around and failing to see Jackson’s sword bag. “Where is your fencing stuff?”

“With the rest of the teams’. The coaches are going to take them back. It’s easier to get through customs if you keep all the swords together.” Jackson said with a tired grin.

He let his eyes roam over Jackson’s face, seeing signs of his weariness in the stubble along his jaw and upper lip and the shadows under his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asked, worried.

Jackson’s face softened and he nodded. “Just tired. It was a long week.”

Jaebum nodded, accepting that Jackson would tell him the truth if he wasn’t feeling well.

Mark stepped back into his line of sight to get his bags. “The better you are the longer the tournament is for you. He was competing almost every day.”

Jaebum swatted Mark’s hand away and picked up his bag too, pulling the strap over his shoulder. Mark sent him an appreciative smile and took Jinyoung’s hand instead.

Jackson had come fifth in this tournament. Mark had taken one of his sisters along to go watch the final day of competition. Jaebum had woken up the following morning by Jinyoung crawling into his bed so the two of them could watch the video Mark had taken of Jackson’s final match and sent to him.

Jaebum turned back to Jackson with a fond smile. “Fifth in the world, eh?”

Jackson ducked his head to hide his pleased grin. He said something but Jaebum missed it because of the angle. “What?”

Jackson looked up and repeated it. “Just out of the college fencing group though.”

Jaebum was honestly a little pissed that Jackson was trying to downplay his accomplishments. “Jackson, there is nothing ‘just’ about being fifth best in the world. I don’t care what level it was at.”

Jackson looked almost surprised by Jaebum’s admonishment but then he nodded and gave Jaebum another tired smile. “You’re right. Thank you.”

Jaebum elbowed him gently towards the exit. “We should go before you fall asleep standing.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Jackson said, probably groaning based on the miserable expression on his face, before pulling his mask back up and following Jinyoung and Mark toward the car.

Jaebum gave up navigation duty to Mark and sat in the backseat with Jackson, smiling softly when he noticed Mark playing absently with Jinyoung’s fingers on the gearshift as the latter drove.

He glanced over at Jackson as they merged back onto the highway, hoping to see the fencer asleep, but instead finding Jackson trying to make a pillow out of the hood of his sweater.

After several minutes of watching Jackson shift uncomfortably and noticing his deepening frown, Jaebum sighed and unbuckled his seatbelt. He ignored Jinyoung’s puzzled look in the rearview mirror as he slid over into the middle seat instead.

Jackson gave him a confused look before Jaebum patted his shoulder, hoping he wasn’t blushing when Jackson’s expression shifted to surprise and then relief. He immediately shifted so his face was pressed into Jaebum’s shoulder instead of against the hard window.

Jaebum mentally sighed. He heard himself from the day before telling Jinyoung all the reasons why there was no point in getting too close to Jackson. He still believed in what he’d said which was why he was groaning at himself for what he was doing now.

He tried to rationalize that he’d do it for any of his friends. That it really wasn’t that big a deal. His broad-ass shoulders had to be good for something.

But then he realized that he was staring at Jackson’s face. That something in his chest tightened when Jackson nuzzled his face in just a little deeper as his chest rose and fell in what Jaebum could only assume was a contented sigh.

Well this might be harder than he thought.

He looked up and found that Mark had turned around in his seat and was looking at him with raised eyebrows and a small smile.

When Jinyoung glanced in the mirror again with the same expression Jaebum raised his free arm, bringing his hand to cover his mouth and closing his thumb and fingertips together as he did so. The sign for shut up.

Chapter Text

Jaebum frowned at the sheet music in front of him, unsure if he liked the way it looked.

He’d decided that he didn’t want to play for Youngjae at his final showcase; he’d much rather watch instead where he could better focus on the boy’s voice instead of worrying about playing the right keys, or the right speed or if he was following Youngjae properly. Youngjae had been totally fine with that and was really excited Jaebum finally hearing him sing. Jaebum was too if he was honest.

Jinyoung had rolled his eyes and told Jaebum that if he stopped being stubborn he could hear Youngjae sing any time he wanted to. Thankfully Jaebum had Youngjae on his side who had insisted that Jaebum wait till the showcase when he had everything practiced and perfect.

The only problem now was that Jaebum didn’t have the accompaniment for the song written down. He didn’t have any of it written down actually. Youngjae had learned the song based off of a recording Jaebum had done in high school and was pretty good at piano and had figured out the base chords on his own, but he wanted Jaebum to be the one to provide the score that his accompanist would play.

So now Jaebum was trying to figure out what he wanted the ‘official’ score to sound like. Did he want to keep it simple the way it was now? Or add more ornamentation to jazz it up a bit? He supposed he should ask Youngjae what he had in mind for his showcase, what type of performance he was planning and what direction he’d chosen to take the song in musically.

He was reaching for his phone to text Youngjae when it vibrated, a photo of a blank wall appearing on his screen.

Frowning in confusion, Jaebum opened the text message from Jackson and read the caption where are you? before realizing that the photo was his half of their study corner.

Jaebum smiled and replied that he wasn’t going to make it that afternoon, that he was working on piano stuff for Youngjae instead.

Jackson’s response was immediate Can I come? You promised to play me your songs!

Of course Jackson wouldn’t have forgotten that.

Jaebum checked the time and since he head the room for another hour he figured why the hell not and told Jackson to come over.

While he waited, he texted Youngjae, sending him a short audio clip of the beginning of the song to see what he thought of it.

Youngjae replied that he wanted it to be bigger and more dramatic and Jaebum excitedly got to work, adding more dramatic chord progressions and dynamics and intricate little passages into the background.

His fingers paused on the keys and he grabbed his pencil, ready to write more notes on the score in front of him when movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. Jackson was waving at him from the small window.

Jaebum smiled at him and leaned forward, almost tipping off the bench, to open the door for Jackson.

“Oh my god I had no idea that you were so insanely good at the piano.” Jackson said, eyes wide as he closed the door behind him and dropped his stuff next to Jaebum’s. “I mean, you said you could play but… Holy crap. How can you be so good when you can’t hear?”

Jaebum laughed. “Practice. I have a lot of years on this instrument under my belt. I may not be able to hear it, but I can hear it pretty clearly in my head. I’ll give it a listen with my hearing aid when it’s done just to make sure it sounds good, but I know what I’m looking for when I’m writing.”

Jackson somehow managed to look more impressed. “Are you telling me that you’re composing ? You aren’t even playing something that already exists? That was you inventing new music?”

“Yeah.”

Jackson slid down to sit on the floor next to the piano. “Are you sure you’re deaf? Either that or you’re not human. That was seriously so good.”

Jaebum laughed, pleased that Jackson thought so highly of him. “Well I’m not composing from scratch. I made this one back in high school before the accident. So I already know what the bare bones are. Youngjae is singing this as one of the pieces in his final showcase and wants it to be more dramatic. So I’m trying to make it sound just a bit more exciting.”

“It sounded pretty amazing to me. How do you know what to do?”

“Honestly, music isn't really all that complicated. There are different chords and intervals that people have used to express different emotions for centuries. A major chord for example,” he said placing his fingers on the keys and playing one for Jackson to hear, “is used for songs that feel happy or upbeat or majestic. As long as I stay within this chord, or within the major key it belongs to, it gives off a happy, positive feeling.”

His moved his fingers around the keys, keeping within the original set of notes to make a short, generic composition.

He looked over at Jackson when he was finished. “Different emotions have been assigned different chords over time. Like sadness.” He said, sliding his fingers over a new set of keys, again playing a short, slower melody. “Or suspense.” He continued playing a faster passage with a lot of quick repetitive parts and small single step key movements.

He turned to Jackson, letting his hands fall from the keys. “The trick to composing is using the same chords that have been used hundreds of times and making something new out of them. Making music isn’t honestly all that hard; making music that matters to people is the challenge.”

Jackson was looking up at him with a much more serious expression than Jaebum would have thought he’d be wearing. “Why didn’t you go into music production?” He asked. “I mean, I remember what you said, but you’re so good at it and it’s something that you so obviously enjoy. Why would you just give it up?”

Jaebum shrugged, pulling a leg up onto the piano bench so he could turn more fully toward Jackson. “At first I didn’t think I could do it. I mean I’m permanently deaf in one ear and have a serious hearing impairment that requires accommodations in the other. I don’t think that anyone who first hears that news is going to think ‘awesome, I’m going to go into a career making sounds’ never mind a sixteen year old kid. Then there was the logistics of actually getting into a music program. I stopped taking music when I was in high school after the accident so I didn’t have the credits I’d need to get into a music faculty.”

“But there are always ways around that.” Jackson said.

Jaebum nodded. “There are, but I like creative writing. I like storytelling. And that doesn’t mean that I like composing any less, but I like keeping music and composing as something that I do just for me, just because I like and for no other reason than my own personal enjoyment.”

Jackson nodded and leaned his head back against the wall behind. “Can I hear the song you were working on?”

Jaebum smiled and nodded back, turning back to face the piano in front of him before pausing. He looked back to Jackson. “Did you want me to play it or sing it?” He asked. “I can’t do both at the same time. I can’t hear the piano and have no idea if I’d be singing the same pitches as I’m playing.”

Jackson didn’t seem bothered. “I want to hear you play again.”

Jaebum could do that. He changed the piece as he went, not playing the accompaniment that he was writing for Youngjae, but something closer to the version he’d written so many years ago, where the melody was in the piano instead of being sung. It was originally how he’d intended the piece to go before he’d been inspired to write lyrics. Jackson was probably the only person to hear this song as he’d originally intended it

He was a bit nervous when the piece was over and he glanced over at Jackson, his fingers sliding off the keys.

He didn’t need to be. Jackson was looking up at him with admiration. “You’re incredible. I wish I could play like that.” He said, his expression somewhat wistful.

Jaebum smiled and slid over to one end of the piano bench, nodding to the empty space. “Hop up. I promise this instrument doesn’t hurt.”

Jackson rolled his eyes, but was grinning as he got to his feet and sat down next to Jaebum. The bench really wasn’t big enough for the both of them, but neither of them seemed to care.

Jaebum was aware he shouldn’t be doing this, but Jackson had looked at him in amazement. Jaebum had lost count of the number of times he’d awed by something about Jackson and he liked that there was something about him that inspired the same feelings in Jackson.

“So what do you know about the piano?” Jaebum asked.

Jackson turned his head so Jaebum could see his lips. “Assume I know nothing.”

Jaebum grinned. “Well this is called a piano.” He said slowly, gesturing to the instrument in front of them.

Jackson bumped him with his shoulder, making Jaebum laugh.

“Okay, seriously. The piano works via a series of strings of different lengths and thicknesses inside. Every time you press on of the keys, a tiny hammer on the inside hits one of the strings. It has been hotly debated in music circles whether or not that makes it a string instrument or a percussion instrument.”

Jackson blinked at him. “I thought you were teaching me how to play, not random game show trivia.”

It was Jaebum’s turn to bump him with his shoulder. “Smartass. I’m just trying to be thorough.” He picked up Jackson’s right hand and placed it on the keys. “The piano, like all music, uses the same seven notes over and over again in different pitch ranges, named after the alphabet A through G.” Jaebum pushed on Jackson’s thumb, pressing the key all the way down. “This is middle C it’s where most beginner music starts since it’s in the middle of the piano, and it’s easier to read sheet music in this pitch range.”

Jackson nodded again. “Middle C. Got it.”

“The hardest part of piano is making your hands move in different directions and at different times. So we’ll just stick with one hand for now.”

“Sounds good.”

Jaebum ran through the simple one-handed pieces that he knew that wouldn’t make it seem like he was babying Jackson. Sure, he was a beginner but that didn’t mean he’d enjoy playing nursery rhymes either.

“How do you feel about Beethoven?” He asked eventually.

Jackson sent him a smile “Your favourite.”

Jaebum shrugged with a half-grin in return. “What can I say, I relate to the guy.”

“Bring on the Beethoven.” Jackson said.

Jackson was actually a pretty fast learner. He took to the piano far faster than he’d taken to the cello. When Jaebum mentioned that Jackson sent him a smile and said that Jaebum was just a better teacher.

Jaebum realized in that moment that he should really stop doing this to himself. His desire to keep Jackson at an arm’s length eroded by the second when Jackson looked at him like that. It was fine when they were with their friends, but when it was just the two of them, when the two were so close they were literally touching from thigh to shoulder, when Jackson looked at him with what Jaebum could only describe as affection, it was hard for him to remember why.

Especially when Jackson would beam at him whenever he got something right, looking endlessly pleased with himself. Jaebum was sure he would do far worse things than teach Jackson Ode to Joy on the piano to see him smile like that.

Every time Jaebum found himself softening, wanting to move a little closer or rest his chin on Jackson’s shoulder the way Jackson so effortlessly did with the rest of their friend group. He stopped himself, forcing himself to remember that Jackson’s smile wasn’t something he’d be able to see in person for much longer.

But the more time he spent with Jackson, he less he cared. Jackson would lean his head back against Jaebum’s shoulder as he laughed or cheered successfully playing something and Jaebum would tell himself to screw it because surely whatever pain he felt after Jackson was gone would be worth being able to keep him that close for the remainder of the time they had left.

Jaebum's phone began buzzing, startling Jackson and making Jaebum sigh and shake off his thoughts.. “Someone else has booked the room next.” Jaebum explained as he turned off the alarm. “Lesson’s over.”

Disappointment flickered across Jackson face before it was chased away by his trademark smile. “That was really fun.” He said as he put on his coat.

Jaebum agreed. “You know you have to teach me fencing now right?” He teased as he picked up his backpack.

Jackson grabbed his arm and pulled him upright. “Are you serious?” He asked.

Jaebum hadn’t been, not really, but seeing the excitement in Jackson’s eyes really only left him with one answer. “Sure. As long as you won’t get in trouble for it?”

Technically Jaebum wasn’t supposed to be using the practice rooms since he wasn’t a performing arts student. That was why Jinyoung and Youngjae had to be the ones to book the rooms for him. Jaebum wasn’t sure what the rules were like in the athletics department, but he was pretty sure that they didn’t just let anyone into their training spaces.

Jackson was almost bouncing in excitement. “As long as we aren't bothering the others no one will care. What are you doing Saturday night? None of my teammates practice Saturday nights.”

Jaebum smiled at him. “Apparently I'm learning to fence.”

∾

Saturday night found Jaebum staring at the small leather case on his nightstand, one similar to an eyeglass case. It had his hearing aid inside.

Jackson had mentioned excitedly about how he was going to be teaching Jaebum fencing at lunch and Jinyoung had wondered how that was going to work with the masks given that Jaebum needed to be able to see his lips. Jackson had just waved off the concern, saying he wouldn’t wear his mask.

It had bothered Jaebum that Jackson was so casual about not wearing his mask. He’d seen the man fence and it looked incredibly dangerous to do so without wearing protection. Jaebum couldn’t even imagine the damage he could do untrained with a sword in his hands. He couldn’t decide if Jackson trusted him too much or if he was just an idiot.

Sighing he grabbed the case and headed to the bathroom. He wasn’t going to let his stubbornness be the reason Jackson got hurt.

He opened the case and pulled out the three pieces he’d need; his hearing aid, an adhesive pad that would stick to his skin, and the tool used to help him put the adhesive the proper distance from his ear.

The adhesive pad was placed on the skin behind his ear and stayed on for two or three days. It had a small raised circle that his hearing aid snapped into, not unlike the snaps on a jacket. He could take his hearing aid off and put it back on as many times as he wanted to as long as the adhesive was still working.

He placed one of the flesh toned pads into the tool and peeled off the back, revealing the sticky coating. He turned his left ear to the mirror and pulled back his hair, watching carefully to make sure he stuck it to the right spot over the bone. He ran his fingers over it a few times to make sure that it was firmly in place before picking up his hearing aid.

It was black and small, about the size of an eraser, only more of a triangular shape. He snapped it in place onto the adhesive pad, before turning it on and shaking his hair out so that it casually fell into place, almost hiding his hearing aid from view completely. The colour helped hide it further so that if someone didn’t know it was there, they probably wouldn’t even notice he was wearing one.

The sound of the television was the first thing he heard when it powered on. A commercial for some car he realized after a moment as he packed up his case and took it back to his room. It took a moment to get used to all the sounds he could hear. His slippers against the floor, the small noises of the case being set down against the end table and of him picking up his watch. The sound of his zipper as he put on a sweater.

He smiled when he heard Jinyoung singing along with what sounded like a commercial jingle. He normally only wore his hearing aid when he was with his parents so it had been a long time since he’d heard Jinyoung’s voice, but the sound of it wasn’t something that he’d ever forget.

Jinyoung was laying on the couch watching a music show as Jaebum made his way to the door. “I’m going out with Jackson.” He said as he slipped on his shoes.

“Of course you are.” Jinyoung said, amused fondness in his voice.

Jaebum took a second to fight the smile off his face before turning around. “What is that supposed to mean?” He demanded with a scowl.

The look on Jinyoung’s face was an absolutely brilliant mix of shock, happiness and dread.

“Are you…?” He asked, leaning to the side to try and check behind Jaebum’s ear.

Jaebum obligingly turned his head and pulled aside his hair to show Jinyoung the hearing aid he was looking for. “Yeah.”

“Oh my god you’re so whipped.” Jinyoung laughed.

“Yah! Shut up.” Jaebum yelled, crossing the room, pulling out the pillow Jinyoung had been laying on and whacking him with it a few times. “I’m only wearing it because he said he wasn’t going to wear his mask just so that I could understand him.” He tried to explain. “What if I stab him in the eye and end his entire fencing career before it even really starts all because I’m too stubborn to wear the damned thing?”

Jinyoung grabbed the pillow that was being used as a weapon against him, hugging it to his chest. “I think that you are seriously overthinking this, but I also think that it’s a good thing that you’re wearing it so I’m not going to say anything further.”

“You better not, you brat.” Jaebum mumbled, grabbing the pillow from him and giving him one more whack, just because. “I’ll be home late.”

“Okay. Have fun.” Jinyoung said, turning back to the television.

Jaebum slid on his coat and was about to leave when Jinyoung called him back.

“Oh, I’m glad that you’re wearing your hearing aid and all, but Mark is coming over tonight. You may way to turn it off before you come home again. He can get a bit loud.” He said with a smug look that left Jaebum with no doubt that Jinyoung was referring to bedroom activities.

Jaebum stared at Jinyoung’s smirking face in absolute horror. “I’ve never been so glad to be deaf. I’m never wearing my hearing aid again. And I want to move out.”

Jinyoung just laughed uproariously as Jaebum closed and locked the door behind him. As horrified as Jaebum was to learn that fact about Mark, it was nice to hear Jinyoung’s laugh again.

Chapter Text

Jaebum was almost nervous as he walked through the doors to the training centre Jackson told him the fencers used. He wasn’t really sure why though. Was he nervous to hear Jackson’s voice? Was he nervous that Jackson would question why he was wearing his hearing aid all of a sudden? That he wouldn’t understand why he didn’t wear it all the time? Or was he simply just nervous to fence?

Jackson was lying on one of the wooden benches just inside the entrance, a duffle bag under his head like a pillow and his phone in front of his face. His feet were tapping against the air to the beat of a song he had playing that Jaebum didn’t recognize.

Jaebum relaxed a bit after seeing him. “Jackson.”

Jackson nearly dropped his phone on his face, but his quick reflexes allowed him to catch it before any damage was done. He sent Jaebum a beaming smile. “Hey! You’re here! Did you find the place okay? I know it’s kind of in a weird spot.”

Jaebum's feet slowed to a stop.

Oh.

Jaebum wasn’t really sure what he’d thought Jackson’s voice would sound like, but it certainly wasn’t that. Deeper than Jaebum had expected, but the huskiness was what made Jaebum stop in his tracks. He had always been a sucker for a raspy voice. He was pretty sure Jackson wasn't sick either; he hadn't seen him coughing or anything over the past few days so the rasp wasn’t because of an illness.

He almost whimpered. Why was everything about Jackson so fucking perfect? How was Jaebum supposed to keep his distance when Jackson was over there being the living embodiment of Jaebum’s ideal type? It wasn’t fair.

Jackson was looking at him, obviously expecting an answer but it took Jaebum a moment to remember what the question was. “I found it fine. I took a course back in second year that had a tutorial around here.”

Jackson smiled. “Good.” He stood, sliding his phone into his back pocket and pulling the duffle bag up onto his shoulder. “Let’s go then. The fencing room is this way.”

Jaebum followed him through unassuming white brick hallways in relative silence. Jackson was humming whatever song he’d been listening to when Jaebum had arrived. Even his singing voice was perfect, the rasp only enhancing his natural talent. Jaebum found himself composing a melody in his head that would fit Jackson's voice perfectly.

Jackson moved in front of him next to a door with chipping red paint. “This is the men’s changing room.” He said, opening the door and waving Jaebum inside.

It was rather unremarkable. A large rectangle with two rows of stacked lockers around the exterior in the same chipping red paint as the door, wooden benches sat a few feet in front of all the lockers.

Jackson moved in front of him before speaking, apparently not having noticed the hearing aid behind Jaebum’s ear. He looked a bit nervous. “So, what exactly did you have in mind when you said you wanted to learn fencing?” He asked. “Because real fencing has a lot of gear and equipment that needs to get put on first. Did you want to go through all that or just fool around with the weapons?”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow. “Jackson I said I wanted to learn fencing, not play pirates with you.”

Jackson looked like Christmas had come early. “Okay. Awesome.” He dropped the duffle bag onto the bench closest to him, opening it and pulling some clothing out before turning to face Jaebum again. “This is all the fencing gear you’ll need—and yes, I’ve washed it.” He looked unhappy. “I had to borrow this from a friend of mine since you’re so freakishly tall and broad you wouldn’t fit into any of my gear.”

Jaebum grinned. “I’m sorry my average height offends you.”

Jackson glared at him. “Hey. I’m going to be armed and dangerous in a minute. Don’t push it.”

Jaebum laughed. “Alright, alright. What do I need to put on?”

Jackson held what looked like a pair of suspenders and a pair of tall socks. “Just the socks and pants for now. Strip down to underpants and a T-shirt or tank top if you’re wearing one and then put these on. You can keep on the shoes you’re wearing. The weapons are locked up in another room so I’ll go grab those while you start getting changed. I’ll help you with the other gear when I get back.”

Jaebum nodded and took the clothing from Jackson who then left the room.

Jaebum began to undress and put on the clothing Jackson had instructed. The tops of the socks were slightly stained, but they smelled fresh and clean and they were soft, like they had been well worn. The pants fit surprisingly well, the fabric thick and almost canvas-like under his palms as he adjusted them so they were more comfortable around his knees where they stopped.

He was putting his things in one of the lockers when Jackson came back, swearing seconds before a loud metallic crash was heard.

“You okay?” Jaebum asked without turning around.

“Yeah I’m… Jaebum?”

Jaebum smiled to himself. “Yeah?”

“You’re talking to me.”

“I am.”

“But you’re not looking at me.”

“No, I’m not.”

He heard Jackson’s footsteps before he felt the man’s fingers brushing back the hair next to his left ear. “You’re wearing your hearing aid.” He breathed.

Jaebum turned to look at him, surprised that he was already wearing his socks and fencing pants too. “I am.”

“Why?” Jackson asked, looking genuinely perplexed.

“Because you said you wouldn’t wear your helmet so that I could read your lips. I didn’t want you to risk your safety for my sake.”

Jackson looked amused. “I meant I wouldn’t wear it when I was explaining things, or in between matches.”

Oh. Jaebum looked down, slightly embarrassed.

He felt Jackson’s fingers brushing his hearing aid once more. “I wonder if this will get in the way of your mask though?” He wondered.

“It just pops off if you think I need to remove it.” Jaebum told him.

Jackson nodded, seeming satisfied with that, and stepped away, going back to the doorway where two swords and a pile of clothing lay on the floor, probably what Jackson dropped when he’d re-entered the room.

It was at that moment that Jaebum realized that unlike that T-shirt Jaebum was wearing, Jackson was wearing a black tank top, the biceps that had caught Jaebum’s attention so many times on full display.

They did not disappoint.

Jaebum forced his eyes away. “What are those?” Jaebum asked, despite the obvious answer being ‘swords.’

Jackson held one of them out. “These are sabres. There are three different types of weapon in fencing. The foil, épée and the sabre.”

He handed Jaebum one of the swords.

It was lighter than Jaebum expected, weighing about the same as a bottle of water. The blade was flat and about the length of his arm. The grip was a simple post wrapped in blue leather. His hand was protected by a protective metal cup at the top, a strip of metal curved from the blade to the bottom of the grip to protect his fingers too.

“Sabre fencing is the only type of fencing where you can make a hit with any part of the blade, instead of just the tip. Your target areas are the torso, head and arms. Hands are off limits, as well as everything below the waist.”

Jaebum nodded to indicate that he’d heard and understood, but he was having too much fun flailing the sword around to look at Jackson. “This is fun.”

“Glad you think so.” Jackson replied, sounding amused at Jaebum probably making a fool out of himself. “Come, I’ll help you get the rest of your equipment on.”

Jaebum reluctantly put the sabre down and turned back to Jackson.

He was first handed what looked like half a shirt. “What is this?”

“It has a bunch of names, usually it’s called a plaster or a guard. It’s just more protection for your dominant arm since it’s the most likely spot to get hit.” He paused, glancing between Jaebum’s arms. “Are you ambidextrous?”

Jaebum blinked. “What?”

“You write and draw with your left hand but eat and do other things with your right.”

He was a bit astounded that Jackson had noticed that about him. “What does that that have to do with anything?”

Jackson looked at him. “None of my teammates are left handed, so I only have equipment for fight handed fencing. I figured that it might be okay though?”

It hadn’t even occurred to Jaebum that there was different gear for left handed people. He wouldn’t say he was ambidextrous, but he used his right hand for enough things that he was confident he’d be fine fencing right handed.

Jaebum nodded and Jackson looked pleased. “Arm out.” He ordered.

Jaebum obliged, sticking out his right arm for Jackson to pull on the guard. The sleeve only went to his elbow and covered the right half of his torso.

“This is a pain to do up on your own unless you’re used to it, so I’ll do it for you.” Jackson said.

Jaebum tried not to laugh as Jackson’s fingers tickled his ribs as he worked the two straps till they were tight. He wondered if Jackson realized how close he was standing. If Jaebum leaned down just a little he could bury his nose in Jackson’s hair.

“Done.” Jackson said, stepping back. “Now your wires.”

“My what?”

Jackson smiled and held up a bundle of wires. “The fencing point system is based on electrical circuits. You need these in order to be register points.”

Jaebum blinked at him.

Jackson looked at him, a bit incredulous. “You’ve watched me fence before. You must know something about it!”

“In our defence, we trusted Mark to explain it to us and his memory is terrible.”

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Hold this. The wire goes through the inside of the sleeve of your your dominant side.”

Jaebum held the wire as Jackson grabbed the jacket.

“This has extra protection for your groin.” He said, pointing to a hanging triangle at the bottom, an adjustable strap connecting the tip to the back of the jacket. “Most fencers don’t tend to wear cups since they limit movement. So these things are a lifesaver.” Jackson said seriously.

Jaebum nodded, stepping through the strap before pulling on the jacket. It zipped up on the left side of his chest and Jackson reached up, fingers brushed against Jaebum’s throat, as he closed the velcro patches along his collar.

“You’re just about set.” Jackson said, stepping away and picking up yet another jacket.

“How many layers are there to this uniform?” Jaebum asked, already feeling warm. How did people actually do physical activity in this thing? He was sweating and he wasn’t even moving.

Jackson sent him a knowing look. “Trust me, when the swords come out you’ll be glad for all this thick material. But we can put the jacket on just before we start. Let me finished getting changed and then we’ll go into the gym. It’s cooler in there for obvious reasons.”

Jaebum nodded and sat on the bench, examining the sabre so that he wouldn’t be creepy and watch Jackson dress. He noticed at the top of the handle, under the curved metal guard, was a three holed socket. Jaebum grabbed the wire dangling from his sleeve and tried to see if it fit inside.

“Right, that’s where it goes.” Jackson confirmed.

Jaebum looked up to see Jackson zipping up his own jacket. He grabbed his outer jacket, his sabre, his helmet and gloves before nodding towards a door on the right of the changing room. “Grab your helmet and gloves and let’s go.”

Jaebum obeyed, sighing when the much cooler air of the gym his his face as he looked around. There were six grey strips along the floor, similar to the ones Jaebum had seen at the competition Jackson had participated in. The rest of the floor was composed of dark green mats. Above each match area was a scoreboard.

Jackson stopped at one in the middle of the room. “Alright, so set up and rules.” He said. He held up his outer jacket and turned it around, pulling on a metal loop on the back. “This is where your guide wires get attached to. It connects you to the floor and provides you with the current you’ll need to score points, as well as grounding so the current doesn’t hurt you. This loop us where they get hooked into so they don’t fall off, but the actual wires just get clipped onto the jacket.”

Jaebum nodded, wonder who in the world thought up the sport of fencing. It seemed incredibly complicated. He suddenly wasn’t so mad at Mark for not remembering anything during Jackson’s tournament a few weeks back.

“Your sabre gets connected to the wires in your sleeve which also attach to your jacket. Your mask gets connected to your jacket to complete the circuit.”

“Got it.” Jaebum said even though he only remembered about half of all the things Jackson had told him.

Jackson sent him an amused smile, clearly recognizing that. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you’re connected properly. The set up of the match is pretty simple. First person to fifteen points is the winner. There is also a time limit of three minutes and whoever has more points at the end is declared the winner, but sabre fencing is so fast that it rarely ever lasts that long. For you and I though, let’s scrap the time limit and say I have to get fifteen points and you have to get five. Deal?”

“Deal.” Jaebum agreed.

Jackson smiled at him. “Let’s get your electrical jacket on.”

Jaebum looked down that the grey jacket in his hands. “That’s an intimidating name.”

Jackson chuckled. “It’s actually called a lamé. It’s the one of the key aspects in the entire sport because of its conductivity.”

Jaebum was so glad he was wearing a hearing aid today. There were so many words he knew he never would have gotten through lip reading. Jackson would have had to write out everything as he went along.

“You put it on the same way as your inner jacket.” Jackson said, putting on his own jacket.

Jaebum did the same, zipping it up and fastening the collar. He looked at Jackson when he was done, holding his arms out at his sides. “How do I look?”

Jackson took full advantage of Jaebum’s offer to check him out, his eyes casually but thoroughly looking Jaebum over from head to toe. Jaebum fought the urge to squirm under Jackson’s scrutiny, but when Jackson’s eyes met his again they were bright, teasing. “I can honestly say I have never been more attracted to you.”

Jaebum almost choked at the blunt words but as he trailed his own eyes over Jackson, seeing how powerful and strong he looked in his uniform, appreciating the way the fabric hugged his muscular build and the casual confidence in which he carried both himself and the sword in his hand, Jaebum found himself blurting, “Honestly? Same.”

Jackson tipped back his head and laughed. Jaebum finally got to hear the laugh he’d been wondering about since he’d first met Jackson.

It was honestly nothing like Jaebum thought it would be. It wasn’t rich or deep, but wild and a little on the shrill side. Jaebum’s face split into a smile simply at the absurdity of the sound. Despite it not reaching his expectations, the sound was filled with such amusement and joy and energy. It was pure Jackson .  Regardless of what it sounded like, Jackson’s laugh was now officially one of Jaebum’s favourite things to hear.

“Okay Handsome, get over here.” Jackson chuckled, waving Jaebum over to one of the ends of the strips of mats that Jaebum knew was designed for the matches. He pulled a hook out from the ground and turned Jaebum to attach it and guide wires to his jacket.

He turned Jaebum around again. “Now we just have to connect your sabre wires and your helmet wires and you’re all set.”

Jaebum looked at the helmet in his hands and his free hand went up to his hearing aid once more. It looked like a tight fit inside.

“I think you should just take it off.” Jackson suggested, making Jaebum look up at him. “You sweat a lot while fencing. Our gear is designed for safety more than breathability. I don’t want your sweat to damage it at all. Plus this style of helmet is not designed to accommodate hearing aids. It honestly might not even fit.”

Jaebum nodded. “I’ll take it off then. Anything else I need to know before I take it off?”

Jackson paused. “Oh, you can’t retreat off the mat. If you do it’s my point.” He said.

“Got it.” Jaebum turned off his hearing aid, unclipping it and setting it carefully on the side of the mat as Jackson went to his side of the mat and clipped on his own guide wires. He showed Jaebum what to do to attach his mask.

He let Jaebum decide when to start the rounds, Jaebum just raising and dropping his hand to indicate they could start.

He had a whole new respect for people who went up against Jackson on a regular basis. For being the most friendly, non-threatening person on the planet, standing opposite him on the fencing mat was intimidating. The confidence and ferocity he exuded was certainly a force to be reckoned with and had Jaebum second guessing whether or not this had been a good idea after all.

He was a good teacher though, stopping and pulling off his mask between rounds to patiently explain ideal foot positions or sabre handling tips to Jaebum. He didn’t begrudge any of the points that Jaebum somehow managed to luck his way into getting and he was by far the happier of the two the one time Jaebum actually managed to win a match, dropping his mask and running across the mat to wrap Jaebum in an excited hug.

∾

After an hour Jaebum’s arm was starting to hurt. The sabre didn’t seem all that heavy when he’d first picked it up, but now his arm was aching slightly and he was sure it’d be giving him hell tomorrow. He was feeling minor aches and pains all over too. Jackson hadn't been kidding when he said he'd be happy for the thick material but he still felt a bit sore after having been whacked with a sword repeatedly over the past hour.

“I’m done. Everything hurts” He whined, unclipping himself and heading toward the green mates on the side. He dropped his mask and flopped onto his back to catch his breath.

He was putting his hearing aid back on when Jackson lay down next to him. “Did you have fun at least?” He asked.

“I did.” He replied honestly. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.” He rolled his head to the side to see Jackson beaming at him.

Jackson's hair was a mess from his helmet and damp with sweat, his cheeks flushed from the heat. Even still he was one of the most beautiful things Jaebum had ever seen. Sometimes Jaebum couldn’t believe that someone like Jackson existed. Someone whose smile was every bit as beautiful as his heart.

“Can I ask you something?” Jackson asked, rolling onto his stomach and resting his chin on his crossed arms as he looked over at Jaebum next to him.

“Go ahead.” Jaebum said.

“Why do you not wear your hearing aid all the time? Wouldn’t it make things so much easier for you?” He didn’t sound like he was judging, simply curious.

Jaebum looked up at the ceiling before answering. “Initially I couldn’t wear one. When I was in the accident, I actually suffered a skull fracture; that was what damaged the hearing in my right ear. Along with that fracture was a pretty severe concussion. I had pretty bad post-concussion symptoms: vomiting, dizziness, my ears would ring even though I couldn’t hear anything. The headaches were almost unbearable though. The doctors didn’t want to introduce anything that would make my skull vibrate until after the bone healed and the symptoms died down.”

“That sounds horrible.” Jackson said, his expression pained.

Jaebum nodded, seeing no point in denying it. “It took about a month for most the worst of the symptoms to die down and then we talked hearing loss. The typical solution for conductive hearing loss, which is what I have, is a bone anchor hearing aid. A small metal plate is surgically implanted into the side of the skull under the skin and a processor is attached to it from the outside. My parents and I agreed that we didn’t want to do that. We didn’t want to do any surgery that could make the concussion symptoms come back.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Jackson murmured.

“But this one,” he said as he waved a hand towards his ear, “wasn’t on the market yet. The only other non-surgical solution at the time was a headband. I had one of those, still do somewhere around my parents’ place, but it had several serious drawbacks. It was hard to calibrate properly and most of the time gave varying degrees of feedback.” Jaebum explained. “It also has to be worn quite tight to the head so that the transmitters could get the vibrations through the skull. The tightness and the feedback continued to give me headaches and I’d just feel sick all the time. I could hear, but I was miserable. I eventually decided that being able to hear wasn’t worth the other crap that came along with wearing the headband. So I stopped wearing it.”

He looked over at Jackson, who had his cheek resting in his palm and was looking down at him with a frown on his face. Jaebum wished that Jackson hadn’t asked because he missed the bright smile the other had worn a moment ago. He didn’t like that he was the reason Jackson wasn’t smiling anymore.

He ran a finger over his hearing aid. “This model I’ve had for about a year now. I actually really like it. I don’t get feedback since I had it recalibrated the first time; it’s comfortable and discreet. It’s just…after five years of not hearing anything other than my own voice it’s really strange to me to be able to hear again. Sometimes it can frankly be a bit overwhelming. Jinyoung thinks I’m being stubborn, but I feel more comfortable without it. I’m happy and most of the time I don’t feel like I’m missing out.” Jaebum tried to explain.

“Jaebum you don’t have to defend yourself.” Jackson said quietly. “I’m sorry if I upset you, but I was just curious.”

Jaebum smiled at him fondly. “I know.”

The two just lay back and relaxed for a few moments before Jackson sat up, squeezing Jaebum’s thigh and telling him that they should probably head out.

Jackson left Jaebum to get changed as he went to return the sabres to wherever they were stored, returning in his own clothing. He packed up the gear Jaebum had worn in the duffle bag once more, stating that he needed to wash it again before returning it to its owner.

It had gotten colder while they were in there and Jackson shivered, moving closer to Jaebum.

Jackson started humming again as they walked through the quiet campus towards their homes, making Jaebum smile as the warm, husky tone washed over him. “You have a beautiful voice.” He said quietly.

Jackson froze and looked at Jaebum with wide eyes.

Jaebum grinned. “You forgot I could hear you, didn’t you.”

Jackson’s cheeks darkened. “Maybe.”

Jaebum laughed. “Don’t be embarrassed; I mean it. Your voice is so unique.”

Jackson burrowed deeper into his scarf and didn’t say anything. He didn’t start singing again either, making Jaebum regret mentioning it. He liked listening to Jackson’s voice.

He intentionally started a conversation, something that was strange to him since he wasn’t usually able to hold a conversation while walking.  They talked about school and about their friends but Jaebum was focused on Jackson’s voice: his accent, the inflection of his words and his absolutely spectacular laugh that never failed to put a smile on Jaebum’s face as well.

Chapter Text

Jaebum knew something was wrong the moment Jackson sat down opposite him. His smile was tense and didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. He didn’t ask Jaebum how he was or what was new or anything, just sitting down and pulling out a textbook.

Jaebum waited. He watched Jackson stare at the cover of the textbook without opening it for a few minutes before setting his own aside and leaning forward. “Jackson? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

Jackson looked up at him and gave him the saddest look Jaebum had ever seen. “I’m leaving in two weeks.”

Jaebum froze, his heart skipping a beat. He’d read that wrong. He must have. It was still March. Jackson was supposed to be staying until the end of the semester, till the end of April. “What?” He asked.

Jackson looked pained. “Please don’t make me say it again.” He asked, pulling up his legs and hugging his knees to his chest, his textbook squished in the middle.

“But… Two weeks? Why?” Jaebum felt something akin to panic. He wasn’t ready for Jackson to leave yet. He hadn’t… He didn’t even know what. He just knew that Jackson couldn’t be leaving so soon.

Jackson resting his chin on his knees, looking miserable. “You know how my exams end early?”

Jaebum nodded. Jackson had lucked out and most of his exams were either scheduled for the last class next week or during the first week of the exam period, letting him finish almost a full three weeks before term officially ended. He had been going out of his mind trying to finish final projects as well as study the past week.

“I told my mom. I guess she thought I’d come home straight after I was finished because she’s planned this big party. My brother is even coming home from Australia with my sister-in-law and my niece. I can’t not go home.” Jackson explained.

Jaebum didn’t know what to say. Jackson was looking at him like he was somehow supposed to make this better but all Jaebum wanted to do was hug him and beg him not to go.

Which was stupid. He knew all along that Jackson was leaving. Of course it sucked that it was three weeks sooner than expected. Jaebum only had one exam during the exam period and had been looking forward to just spending time with Jackson while neither of them had work hanging over their heads. Now he wouldn’t get that chance.

But he knew Jackson was homesick. He knew how much Jackson loved his family and he was genuinely glad that he’d get to see his brother and niece again.

So he sent Jackson was he hoped was a believable smile. “You must be so excited to see them again.”

Jackson seemed surprised by his answer. He blinked and then a small, but genuine, smile crossed his face. “I am. I have seen my niece, in almost a year. She's only three. I wonder if she'll remember me?” He asked, seeming to relax slightly.

“Jackson Wang, something tells me you are a hard person to forget.”

Jackson rolled his eyes, but Jaebum swore he was blushing slightly. “I think that mom wanted me home sooner so that she felt less guilty about missing my birthday too. My niece’s is just before mine as well.”

Jaebum narrowed his eyes on Jackson’s lips. “Did… Did you just say birthday ?” He asked, only about half sure that he’d read that right. When Jackson said nothing he figured that he’d been right. “Jackson, when is your birthday?”

“March twenty-eighth.” Jackson said, looking a bit sheepish

It took Jaebum a few seconds to remember what day it currently was. Then he kicked Jackson. “Your birthday is in three days and you weren’t going to tell any of us about it?” He asked incredulously. He knew that had any of the others had known they would have told everyone else.

Jackson just waved it off. “It’s honestly not that big a deal. Besides, it’s almost exams. Everyone is so busy and I don’t want you guys wasting your time planning anything when you need to be studying.”

“Celebrating your birth isn’t a waste of our time. And for trying to hide it from us, I’m putting Bambam in charge of planning your party.” Jaebum said, already pulling out his phone to text Bambam.

Jackson looked a bit apprehensive. “I feel like I should be afraid.”

“You should be.”

∾

Jinyoung was reading on the couch when Jaebum got home later that afternoon. Jaebum had only messaged them all about Jackson’s birthday. He couldn’t tell them Jackson was leaving yet; it was like if everyone knew then that would make it final. Like Jackson would really be leaving. Of course he was, but Jaebum felt like if he was the only one who knew when he could pretend like it wasn’t happening.

Jaebum crossed and sat next to him, resting his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. The two had no problem invading each other’s personal space, but they were rarely ever cuddly with one another. But if he couldn’t cuddle with his best friend when he was sad then what was the point of keeping him around?

Jinyoung put down his book and Jaebum knew that meant he was listening. “Jackson is leaving.” He said. “In two weeks.”

He felt Jinyoung stiffen under him but Jaebum didn’t sit up to look to see what he wanted to say.

Jinyoung didn’t make him. He raised his hand, briefly touching his forehead before pulling his hand away, curling his middle three fingers down and leaving his thumb and pinky extended. Why?

“His mom is planning a big family party since she found out that Jackson’s exams finish early. Probably some kind of belated birthday part for him and his niece.”

Jinyoung said nothing for a moment before bringing his fist to his chest, thumb up, and rubbing two medium sized circles against it before pulling away. Sorry.

Jaebum shrugged. “It's not like we knew it wasn't coming. It's sooner sure, but he was always going to leave.”

The two were quiet for several moments, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

It was really starting to sink in that Jaebum wouldn't see Jackson anymore. They'd still talk, Jaebum was sure of that. They'd send messages and maybe even video call one another but he knew with absolute certainty that the energy and joy and life that Jackson exuded wouldn't be felt through a screen.

“I'm going to miss him.” Jaebum said quietly.

∾

Jaebum turned around when someone tugged on his jacket sleeve. “What about this one?” Jinyoung asked, holding up a T-shirt that said 'kiss me, I'm Korean’ with an obnoxiously large pair of cartoon lips.

Jaebum resisted the urge to groan. He was trying to distract himself from Jackson's announcement that he was leaving by shopping for a birthday present for him. Technically Jackson’s birthday was yesterday and they’d all taken him out for dinner but none of them had had time to get him anything. Jackson had also explicitly forbid them from getting him anything but they were all planning on ignoring that.

They hadn’t yet figured out when they would be having party for Jackson. They decided to include some of Jackson’s friends from his program and from the fencing team but after two days of trying, Bambam realized that trying to find a time when all of them were free between group project meetups, essays, final projects, presentations, practices, gym times, vocal training, dance practice and all of their usual classes was turning out to be impossible. They decided to combine Jackson’s birthday and going away parties but Jaebum hadn’t heard if they’d picked a date or a venue yet.

Jaebum stared at the T-shirt in Jinyoung’s hand and wondered not only where Jinyoung had managed to find it but also why he’d thought bringing his best friend along was a good idea.

“Jinyoung, I want to get him a good present. Not some lame ass T-shirt. He's not even Korean.” He said.

Jinyoung sent him a smirk and an eyebrow wiggle. “I meant for you to wear it.”

Jaebum did groan at that point. “You are no help. I shouldn't have brought you with me. You've given me socks for the past two birthdays. Why I thought you could help is beyond me.”

“Because you don't buy yourself socks! All of yours have holes in them!” Jinyoung defended as he put the shirt back on the rack in front of him.

“I have like two socks with holes.” Jaebum scoffed, moving to a nearby rack with snapbacks on it. Maybe a hat?

He sent Jinyoung home after the man returned from the sleepwear department with a fleece onesie covered in smiling Squirtles—though in all fairness Jaebum thought that Jackson would probably love it.

Jinyoung said that Jaebum had no taste and bought it for Jackson anyway before leaving Jaebum to continue his search in peace.

He didn't want to get Jackson a gag gift, not even a cute one. He wanted to get Jackson something of some significance, but was having a hard time trying to figure out what that would be given that they'd only known each other three months.

He ended up at a jewelry kiosk set up in the middle of the hallway, looking through racks of earrings. He had originally ruled out jewelry, thinking it too personal, but while walking past the earrings had caught his eye. Jackson had one piercing through his left ear, same as Jaebum, and always wore a simple diamond stud. He figured it’d be a perfect gift. Small and not too expensive, but something that he could also choose to make significant based on what kind he chose.

He was currently looking at a pair of dragon earrings. The stud was of a dragon’s head, the backing in the shape of it’s serpentine body, an ‘s’ shape that curled under the earlobe before curling back again at the tip of the tail. They were detailed, but still relatively small, only slightly larger than his thumbnail.

He remembered how Jackson had teased him about dragons ages ago. He’d also done a project that involved him looking up the symbolism of dragons in Chinese culture. They were seen as the keepers of water—rain, rivers storms, things like that. They’re also said to be auspicious beings, bringing luck to people and were symbols of strength and power.

Jaebum thought they were perfect.

He pulled out the earbuds that he wore when shopping alone to keep well-meaning store employees from talking to him when he wasn’t looking and told the employee he wanted to buy them.

∾

Tomorrow.

Jackson was leaving tomorrow .

Somehow it didn’t seem real. The time had blown past in a whirl of textbooks and studying and exams and somehow in less than twenty four hours Jackson would be gone.

Jaebum and Jackson had spent pretty much every moment that had with one another, even if they were mostly just studying. That didn’t matter to Jaebum, he liked being able to look up and see Jackson frowning at his textbook or computer or smiling softly when he’d looked up and saw that Jackson had fallen asleep on his notes as the two sprawled over Jaebum’s living room. He never woke the boy up, no matter how hard Jackson hit him when he woke up on his own, mad Jaebum had let him waste all that time sleeping.

It wasn’t enough. Probably would never be enough. Jaebum wasn’t sure if he’d ever have enough of looking up and being able to see Jackson next to him. There were so many places he wanted to take Jackson, wanted to experience again through Jackson’s eyes. He had been planning them for when the two of them were finished their exams had free time. Jaebum could honestly say that in all his years of school, he’d never been less happy to be finished with exams.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he looked up to see Jinyoung frowning down at him. “Are you okay?”

Jaebum just sent him a look. Of course he wasn’t.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant. I’m leaving now. Are you coming or do you want to stay home?”

A club. That was what Bambam had decided. Jaebum should have known better than to put Bambam in charge of party planning. Jaebum wasn’t much of a party-person in general, but he found clubs to be particularly uncomfortable. Too many people, too loud music that sent vibrations through everything and made it impossible for him to use them to get a sense for where people were around him. Sometimes the music was loud enough he could actually hear it if he rested his head against the wall or the back of a booth. If it was for any other reason than Jackson’s goodbye party, Jaebum wouldn’t have even considered going.

But he found himself doing all kinds of things he’d never thought he’d do thanks to Jackson Wang. He hadn’t regretted any of them so far and knew that he’d regret it if he didn’t go tonight as well.

He stood. “No, I’m ready. Just thinking is all.”

Jinyoung looped his arm through Jaebum’s as the two left their apartment and headed toward the club. Technically they were supposed to be there already but Jinyoung had a rehearsal with his accompanist that he couldn’t get out of and Jaebum waited for him so he wouldn’t be in an uncomfortable environment without someone he trusted and who knew sign language.

The club that they were going to was on campus and usually wasn’t all that popular, but with exams finishing and with it being Saturday night Jaebum was sure it would be busy. He could feel the vibrations through the soles of his shoes as they approached and watched Jinyoung wince as they opened the door and the sound hit them. Jaebum could feel his ribs shaking as they gave their coats to the man working at the coat check and then headed inside.

They passed the bar, both of them ignoring it, and Jaebum led the way to the large booth he’d spotted Mark sitting at.

“Where is Jackson?” He asked as he sat down on one side of Mark, Jinyoung going in the opposite side of the booth to sit on the other.

Mark pointed toward the dance floor.

Jaebum followed the finger but it took him a moment before he spotted Jackson. He was dancing with Yugyeom and their maknae’s tall frame almost covered Jackson’s. Bambam was nearby doing some kind dance that involved an appalling amount of dabbing but which made Jaebum smile regardless.

Jackson was a great dancer, easily keeping up with Yugyeom, which was no easy feat. Jaebum wasn’t surprised though; he’d seen Jackson fence. He’d seen first hand the precise control Jackson had over his muscles and how he could move in the most incredible ways to lunge or dodge attacks. He wasn’t the least bit surprised that that muscle control bled over into dancing.

That wasn’t why he stared though. He stared because of how happy Jackson looked as he moved his body in sync with Yugyeom’s and laughed at whatever it was Bambam was supposed to be doing. He looked so happy and full of life and Jaebum relaxed, glad that Bambam had chosen a place to celebrate that could make Jackson so joyful.

He turned back to the table as Youngjae returned with a tray covered in drinks, Jinyoung moving the presents that were scattered around the table into a pile so they were out of the way. Youngjae said hello to Jaebum and Jinyoung before turning to the dance floor, no doubt to tell everyone that their drinks were here.

Jackson turned and met Jaebum’s eyes, his face lighting up as he hurried off the dance floor and back to their booth. “You made it!” He said, looking at Jaebum, then turning to Jinyoung as well.

“Sorry we’re late.” Jinyoung said, handing Jackson his gift.

Jackson beamed at the two of them as he slid in next to Jaebum. “Thank you both for coming.”

“We wouldn’t have missed it.” Jaebum said honestly as more people piled in around them. Even though the fencing team seemed to have claimed the booth behind them, there wasn’t enough space for everyone and Jackson ended up pressed against Jaebum’s side, Jaebum wrapping an arm around his shoulders to make it more comfortable and to pull him even closer. Jackson sent him a smile and leaned into his side.

The table fell into easy conversation that Jaebum didn’t really follow. There were too many people and Jaebum honestly didn’t care enough to make Jinyoung translate the whole thing into sign language. He was sure one of them would get his attention if they thought he would want to participate. Instead he leaned his head back against the wooden board atop the back of the booth and enjoyed listening to the music and the warmth of Jackson against him.

Soon Jinyoung started handing Jackson his presents and Jackson pulled away to open them after he glared at everyone and told them all off for buying him something in the first place. The fencing team came and squeezed onto the ends of the benches or just stood and watched as Jackson opened his gifts which ranged from the Squirtle onesie—which Jackson absolutely adored—to fencing gloves that had his name and the Hong Kong flag stitched into them.

It was absolutely fascinating to watch Jackson’s expressions as he opened all the gifts, even when he teared up at the sight of the gloves, which had been a gift that the whole team had gotten for him. They told him he’d better wear them at the Olympics next year and Jackson nearly crawled over the table to wrap them all in a teary hug.

Jackson wasn’t the only one misty-eyed.

It really hit Jaebum in that moment that Jackson really did have this seemingly magical ability to work his way into people’s hearts. Not a single person they’d asked about attending tonight has said no or said they’d have to think about it. Even though the time of year was insanely busy, every single one of them were willing to drop what they were doing to celebrate and say goodbye to Jackson.

Not for the first time, Jaebum was infinitely proud to say he knew someone like Jackson Wang.

After all the presents except Jaebum’s were opened everyone returned to the dance floor, Jaebum staying behind to watch the gifts with Jinyoung and Mark once more. Jaebum wasn’t sure why but he didn’t want an audience when he gave Jackson his gift. He’d give it to him later, or tomorrow morning since Jinyoung was giving Jackson a ride to the airport.

Jackson had tried to get Jaebum to come dance with him but Jaebum and stubbornly refused, almost caving when he saw the disappointment on Jackson’s face. The disappointment was gone within seconds of Jackson reaching the dance floor, though he looked back over at Jaebum every so often, waving for Jaebum to come join him with a teasing grin.

“I’m going to get something to drink does anyone want anything?” Jaebum asked some time later.

Mark and Jinyoung shook their heads and Jaebum made his way out of the booth and through the crowded space in the direction of the bar.

A hand on his wrist stopped him from getting there. He turned and found Jackson looking up at him. “I want to go for a walk. Will you come with me?” Jackson asked.

Jaebum blinked and leaned closer. “Jackson this is your goodbye party.” Jaebum reminded him, hoping he was speaking loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I know. But I want to go for a walk. And I want you to come with me.” Jackson said seriously, his eyes big and pleading.

There was no way Jaebum was able to resist that. He nodded and Jackson smiled, pulling him toward the exit.

As the pair made their way towards the door Jaebum turned and caught Jinyoung’s eye gesturing that they were leaving so no one would worry where the two disappeared to. Jinyoung sent him a sad smile and nodded, waving the two out the door.

Jaebum pressed his fingers against his chin before extending his hand away from him and toward the ground. Thank you.

Chapter Text

Jaebum followed Jackson to a patio area next to one of the cafeterias that would normally be full of students in summer but was currently abandoned. They may have been in the middle of a warm spell, but Jaebum wasn’t sure it was quite warm enough to be sitting around outside.

Jackson seemed entirely unphased about the weather as he climbed up onto the top of a picnic table and laid down, Jaebum sitting on the bench next to him so he could see his lips. “Why did you want to go for a walk?” He asked.

Jackson turned his head to look at him. “I just wanted some time alone with you.” He confessed.

Fuck. This was so hard.

“Do you have everything packed yet?” He asked, hating himself for making small talk but not being able to say the words he actually wanted to.

Jackson sent him a sheepish smile. “Not really.”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “Jackson.”

“I know! I should have done it days ago but…” He stopped and his smile faded. “Every time I tried to start packing it just reminded me that I was leaving. And that just made me sad.”

Well, Jaebum couldn’t exactly fault him for that.

He cleared his throat nervously. “I have something for you. For your birthday.”

Jackson looked surprised. “You do?” He asked sitting up.

Jaebum was glad he didn’t ask why he hadn’t given it to Jackson when he had opened all his other presents. He nodded and reached inside his pocket where the earrings sat. He opened the box and showed them to Jackson, glad for the lampost close to the table that would allow Jackson to see them.

Jackson’s jaw dropped and Jaebum wondered if he’d gasped along with the movement. His eyes flicked up to Jaebum’s and Jaebum tried for a smile. “Everyone likes dragons, right?” He asked, echoing words that Jackson himself had said to him what felt like years ago.

That made Jackson smile and he took the box from Jaebum, holding them closer so that he could see them better. “They’re beautiful.”

“Dragons are a symbol of good luck and strength in Chinese culture, right?” Jaebum asked.

Jackson looked surprised and nodded. “How did you know that?”

“One of the short stories I studied this semester was a Chinese folktale. It had a dragon in it and I had to write a report on the symbolism.” Jaebum rambled. He swallowed and tried to get back on track. “I saw them and thought of you. Not only because you love dragons but…because I wanted to wish you good luck and strength in everything you do from here on out.”

Jackson looked at him with an unreadable expression for several seconds and Jaebum’s heart was beating so hard he swore he could hear it.

Then Jackson set the earrings down on the picnic table and reached for Jaebum. His fingers carefully removed the small hoop Jaebum wore through his left ear, opening Jaebum’s unzipped coat and dropping it inside the inner pocket.

He then removed one of the dragon earrings Jaebum had just given him, gently inserting it through Jaebum’s ear and putting the backing on securely before brushing his fingers lightly against the shell of his ear and pulling away with a smile.

“What are you doing?” Jaebum asked as Jackson removed his own diamond stud, putting it in the earring box.

“I want you have have luck and strength too. And I want you to have something to remind you of me.” Jackson said, sliding the second of the earrings through his own ear.

“Jackson I don't need anything to help me remember you.” Jaebum said, his voice sounding hoarse even to himself.

Jackson smiled before his gaze dropped to Jaebum's lips. He met Jaebum's gaze again before asking, “Can I kiss you?”

Since Jaebum had lost his hearing he had never wished so fervently that he could hear. Or that he actually wore his hearing aid on a regular basis. He desperately needed to know what Jackson had sounded like saying those words. Was his voice deeper than usual? Was it huskier? Jaebum gave himself goosebumps just thinking about it.

Jackson leaned closer when Jaebum didn't respond. “Jaebum?” He asked. “Can I?”

Jaebum reached up to grab Jackson's face, standing up so he could kiss Jackson without pulling the other man off the table before pressing their lips together.

He felt Jackson smile against his lips as his hands slipped inside Jaebum's open jacket to grab his waist, pulling him closer.

Jaebum obliged, leaning closer and tilting Jackson’s head so he could deepen the kiss. He felt Jackson’s tongue brush tentatively against the seam of his lips and Jaebum groaned before licking into his mouth as a reply. He tasted sweet from whatever he'd been drinking earlier and Jaebum fought back a whimper as he kissed him deeper.

Jaebum felt Jackson’s jaw vibrate under his palm and he smiled into the kiss. Of course Jackson would be vocal while kissing. He was vocal while doing everything else, why would this be any different. He once again wished he was wearing his hearing aid so he could hear if the vibrations belonged to moans or whimpers. So he could hear the effect he was having on Jackson.

God he hoped he’d have the chance to do this again at some point in their futures to find out.

Jackson pulled him closer, their teeth clicking against each other as Jackson kissed him with fervor that bordered on desperation. Jaebum understood. He could feel the seconds they had left with one another slipping through his fingers like water.

But Jackson didn’t deserve to be devoured on a picnic table simply because they didn’t know if they’d get another chance. Jackson deserved to be cherished and worshipped and Jaebum didn’t have anywhere near enough time to be able to show Jackson exactly just how much he adored him.

So he slowed the pace of their kiss from desperation so something softer. Less hungry, more affectionate until he pulled away entirely and placed a gentle kiss on Jackson’s forehead, pulling him to his chest in a tight hug. “I like you Jackson Wang.”

Jackson didn’t move at first, and then his shoulders started to shake in a way that meant he was either laughing or crying. He pulled back and Jaebum saw it was the former.

He pulled Jaebum down for another gentle kiss. “Yeah.” He said once he’d pulled back again. “I like you too Im Jaebum.”

Jaebum smiled at the almost childlike confessions. Neither of them seemed at that surprised. But then again neither of them were all that subtle either. That kiss had been a long time coming.

“Do you want to go back?” Jaebum asked quietly. He wasn’t in the mood for being around people and he really wasn’t in the mood for sharing Jackson with anyone, but it would be incredibly unfair of Jaebum to keep Jackson to himself on his last night here.

Jackson shook his head. “I want to cuddle.” He said, burrowing back into Jaebum’s chest.

Jaebum smiled at the request. “But your friends…”

Jackson pulled away again so Jaebum could see him. “They’ll understand.” Was all he said before pulling Jaebum onto the table with him and pushing him so he was laying down before snuggling into the crook of his neck.

“Are you sure?” Jaebum asked, even as his fingers wove their way into Jackson’s hair and his other arm wrapped around him to keep him close.

Jackson just nodded and held Jaebum tighter.

Jaebum didn’t know how long they laid there, in their own little world where they could pretend that everything was great and that they were just starting a relationship and that Jackson wasn’t leaving in about twelve hours.

It was his phone vibrating in his pocket and against both of their thighs that broke the spell. He pulled it out and read the message from Jinyoung that said that everyone was heading home, that Mark was taking Jackson’s gifts back to their dorm and to take as much time as they needed.

He looked down at Jackson, knowing he’d likely read Jinyoung’s message too since Jaebum had held his phone pretty much in front of Jackson's face. “Last chance to say goodbye.” Jaebum said. “If you hurry you might catch them.”

Jackson shook his head and held Jaebum so tight it hurt.

Jaebum felt guilty, but not for the fact that he was keeping Jackson from his friends. He felt guilty that he didn’t feel guilty. He could only imagine how hurt he would have been if Jackson had gone off with someone else. If another person had robbed him of what time he had with Jackson before he left tomorrow. But because Jackson had chosen him he was almost glad for it.

As much as he enjoyed seeing Jackson having so much fun, seeing how many people had come to care for Jackson, he still preferred where they were now, wrapped around one another and exchanging gentle touches and kisses.

They stayed there until the warmth of each other was no long enough to keep their fingers from freezing. And even then Jackson hadn’t wanted to leave. Hadn’t wanted to let go of Jaebum.

Jaebum had smiled sadly, understanding the feeling all too well, as he dragged Jackson off the table and started walking toward the dorms, saying that Jackson’s mom would never let him come back if they sent him home sick. There was a shard of hope in that statement. A hint of a question that Jaebum was too afraid to ask. Will you come back again?

Jackson had just laughed and wrapped an arm around Jaebum’s waist, pulling him into walking at a much slower pace.

Jaebum walked Jackson to his dorm, wishing Jackson luck with his packing and promising that he’d see him in the morning when Jinyoung came to pick him up to drive him to the airport. Jackson had kissed him again, a sliver of desperation creeping back in between them, before eventually pulling away, bidding Jaebum goodnight and going inside.

As he walked home he wondered if he’d perhaps been wrong all this time. If keeping himself at a distance from Jackson was the right move. He could still feel Jackson’s lips against his, the heat of his skin and the way his body fit perfectly against his own. He’d been worried that knowing all that would make it harder to miss Jackson but in this moment he only wished he could have had more of it before Jackson left. That he hadn’t been so afraid to have his heart broken because he had the feeling that it might have been worth it.

∾

Jaebum didn’t speak at all on the drive over to Jackson’s the next morning. He could see Jinyoung sending him glances occasionally out of the corner of his eye but he didn’t turn to say anything.

They helped Jackson load his things into the trunk before Jackson pulled Jaebum into the backseat with him moving as close as seat belts would allow, grabbing Jaebum's arm and resting his head on his shoulder.

Jaebum rested a hand on Jackson's thigh and his cheek on the top of Jackson's head.

After a drive that was far too short they unloaded Jackson things, Mark grabbing a cart for all of Jackson bags.

They walked with him to the entrance and got him checked in and walked with him as far as security, where they couldn’t go any further without a boarding pass.

Jackson turned and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung first.

Jaebum looked away. He was not going to cry. There was no reason to. It wasn't like Jackson was dying.

He was just moving over two thousand kilometers away and Jaebum had no idea when or if he'd ever see him again.

Fuck.

He turned back to see Jackson now wrapped tightly in Mark's arms. Mark was crying. That wasn't really anything new; Mark was the most emotional one out of their friend group and Jaebum had seen him cry multiple times, but seeing the tears on Mark's cheeks at this moment really wasn't helping Jaebum keep himself together.

And then Jackson was in front of him . Smiling with his big, beautiful eyes swimming with tears.

“Jackson…” Jaebum began, having no clue what he was going to say. Instead he pulled Jackson into his arms, holding him tight and wishing he didn't have to let go.

He felt Jackson speak into his shoulder, as he'd done months ago, but this time Jaebum decided that he didn't want to know. He was sure if he knew he'd either cry or try to stop Jackson from leaving. The first one he promised himself he wouldn't do and the second one he couldn't.

Jackson pulled away first, leaning up and pressing his lips firmly against Jaebum’s, pulling away before Jaebum had time to respond.  “Goodbye Jaebum.” He said before turning and walking toward the gate, not looking back once.

Jaebum stood and watched as Jackson the sabre fencer from Hong Kong walked out of his life.

He wasn't sure how long he stood there, staring as if Jackson was going to come back, before fingers laced themselves through his own and squeezed gently.

Jaebum turned from the departure gate and let Jinyoung pull him toward the exit.

Chapter Text

Jaebum sighed as he opened the door to Jinyoung's apartment building. The lease on the apartment he shared with Jinyoung had expired two months ago, at the end of June. He and Jinyoung had spent weeks talking about whether or not they wanted to renew it, but came to the decision not to. Mark had been living with them since the semester ended and he had to leave the dorms, as he'd done the previous summer as well so he didn't have to go home to the U.S. for four months, and Jaebum thought it would be a better idea for them to get their own place together and for Jaebum to get one on his own.

It was really weird living alone and for about a week he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. But then he got used to it and realized that it was the best fucking thing to ever happen to him, even if his mom felt the need to call him almost daily to make sure he hadn't killed himself doing common household things, like he hadn't already been doing them for years. He hadn't realized that his mother thought Jinyoung was the only thing keeping him alive all this time.

It was almost September now and Jaebum admitted that it felt weird listening to the kids complain about going back to school and not being able to complain with them.

He'd graduated in June along with Jinyoung and Mark. They'd all gone to all three of each other's ceremonies, the maknaes screaming and being their usual embarrassing selves. But Jaebum admitted that it was kind of nice to hear them all cheering at the top of their lungs when his name was called. Yugyeom had brought a graduate teddy bear that Jackson had sent for Jaebum, Jinyoung quickly pointing out with a smirk that it was bigger than the bears Jackson had sent for him and Mark. And if Jaebum kept it on the corner of his bed, well he didn't have a roommate anymore to tease him about it.

At the time he'd been thrilled to graduate, finally no more school. Though now he was feeling a bit lost about what do next. His whole life had been about getting through the school year and planning the next one. Now all that was done, all he had was a piece of paper and no clear path forward.

For the time being he was working at a local library. It was fairly monotonous, but he really actually enjoyed it. He liked seeing what people were reading and talking to them about it. He was trying to figure out what he himself wanted to write so he found it quite helpful to see what people were interested in reading. Plus it gave him dangerously unlimited access to books.

Mark was set. He had secured an internship at an app development company. It was unpaid so he worked at a convenience store around the corner from their apartment in evenings.

Jinyoung was doing even better, getting a supporting role in a professional theatre production. Jaebum had seen the show three times already and still couldn't get over the fact that his best friend was so incredible. Not that he would ever tell Jinyoung that; his ego was already far too big.

That was why he was currently at Jinyoung's. They were having a celebration party for the fact that Jinyoung's first month had gone so well. Jaebum really didn't understand why they needed to celebrate that since they’d celebrated opening night, but he suspected the kids just wanted any excuse to throw a party before they started school again next week. Mark's birthday was in a few days and they would be celebrating then too. And then again in a few weeks for Jinyoung's birthday. And then again a week after that for Youngjae's.

Just thinking about it made him tired. Which was why he tried to get out of this one, but they were all stubbornly adamant that he come.

So there he was calling up to Jinyoung's apartment, one hand on the door to feel the vibration of the lock releasing and the other holding the phone.

Technically he didn't have to wait for the vibrations. He was wearing his hearing aid. He started wearing it much more frequently when he started working at the library. His boss said it was alright that he didn't wear it as long as it didn't affect his job performance but it was hard to help people find a book when you didn't hear them asking.

It was quiet in the library, something that really helped him from getting overwhelmed by hearing for so long, but it was still something of a relief to be able to turn it all off at the end of the day.

The door clicked under his fingers and he quickly hung up the phone and pulled open the door before heading inside.

He was stepping off the elevator on Jinyoung's floor when he received a text telling Jaebum the door was open and to just go in. So he did, calling out to whoever was there as he took off his shoes.

He turned toward the living room, prepared to once again complain about how he didn't want to be there, when the words he was going to say dried up on his tongue. The person standing in the doorway wasn't Jinyoung.  Nor was it Mark. Or any of the other people who were supposed to be there.

“Jackson…?” He breathed, wondering if he'd gone insane somewhere along the bus ride from work to Jinyoung's apartment. If he was somehow hallucinating.

Jackson gave him a nervous smile, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. “Hey.”

“You're…here?” Jaebum said, aware he was barely making sense but he was only about half convinced that Jackson was even real at the moment.

Jackson's expression softened. “I'm back.”

There were so many thoughts going through Jaebum's head, so many emotions flooding his body but the one that he grabbed onto with both hands for the time being was relief.

Jackson was back.

He stepped forward and pulled Jackson against him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Jackson melted into him, his face going to Jaebum's neck and his arms winding around his waist as he held Jaebum back just as tightly.

“You're back.” Jaebum echoed, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling of Jackson in his arms.

He had no idea what Jackson was doing back here, how long he'd been back or how long he was staying. While he admitted to being a little pissed that Jackson hadn’t mentioned it, having Jackson in his arms after so long made it hard to stay mad.

“What are you doing back here? When did you get back?” Jaebum asked, trying to pull away so they could talk.

Jackson refused to let him go and spoke into his shoulder instead.

Jaebum chuckled. While he wasn’t opposed to turning on his hearing aid since he was wearing it, he assumed their conversation wasn’t going to be a short one. And he didn’t want to have it in the foyer of Jinyoung’s apartment.

Jinyoung’s apartment that was suspiciously empty of the people who lived there or the others who were supposed to all be gathered here at the moment. He realized in that moment that the lame excuse for a party was likely just to surprise Jaebum with Jackson’s return. Which meant that everyone had known Jackson was coming back except him.

That thought made it a bit easier to pull away from Jackson, ignoring his pout and pulling him into the living room and onto the couch. “Jackson what are you doing here? How long have you been back?”

Jackson looked at his watch. “I only landed like two hours ago.” He said, glancing toward the kitchen. “I haven't even had time to go to my dorm yet.”

Jaebum followed his gaze to see suitcases stacked neatly against the wall. Large suitcases. More of them than Jackson had had the last time he’d been in Korea. Jaebum turned back to Jackson, hope swelling in his chest. “Jackson, how long are you staying for?”

Jackson gave him a grin. “Well my new coach would be pissed if I left before the Olympics next summer.”

“Next…” Jaebum began, that bubble of hope now so large it might kill him if it was burst. “Next summer?” He asked. “You're staying for a year ?”

Jackson's smile grew. “But then I would only have four months till the end of my degree. So I may as well stay until then.”

“So… A year and a half then.” Jaebum said.

“Well, the physiotherapist at the university said he's always looking for interns.” Jackson said, looking almost hesitant.

An internship. That would put Jackson here for years. Which meant…

Jaebum looked back at the large amount of luggage before turning to Jackson, eyes wide. “Jackson are you moving to Korea?”

Jackson shrugged with a small smile. “That's kind of the plan right now.”

“Why?” Jaebum asked, shock overtaking joy as his primary emotion. Ten minutes ago he didn't even know Jackson was planning on ever coming back to Korea and how he was moving here.

Jackson's face fell a bit and he pulled his legs onto the couch cushion in front of him. “I want to compete internationally in fencing. I want to do well . I want to win a gold medal at the Olympics. As much as I love my fencing team and coaching staff from back home, they're honestly just not good enough. If I want to legitimately compete, I can't stay in Hong Kong.”

“Is Korea really that great a fencing country?”

Jackson nodded. “For men's sabre fencing it's considered to be one of the top countries, along with Italy and the U.S. But I don't want to go to those other countries, and my mom would probably kill me if I tried. I'm comfortable in Korea and I really like their program; it matches my fencing style well. And my new coach is amazing. I've wanted to work with him since I was in high school.”

Jaebum realized while Jackson speaking that it was almost strange to not hear his voice. While Jackson had been back home Jaebum had had no choice but to use his headphones when they spoke, like he always did when he was on the phone. The screen was too small or not clear enough or the connection wasn't smooth enough for Jaebum to have a chance a reading lips.

He'd gotten used to hearing Jackson's voice in the five months they'd been apart and it suddenly struck him how much he missed hearing it. He hadn't heard it in about almost two weeks either. He'd been talking to Jackson during their weekly movie night and after they'd hung up Youngjae had asked to try his headphones, curious what bone conduction sounded like.

Apparently the headphones would revolutionize his practice routine. He could hear the music via bone conduction, the headphones hooked over his ears and a small transmitter sent vibrations through the bone just in front of the ear, leaving the eardrums clear and soundwave free making it much easier for Youngjae to hear his voice. He begged Jaebum to let him borrow them and Jaebum said he could have them as an early birthday present. It gave Jaebum a perfect excuse to get himself a newer and better pair, but they hadn't come in yet.

He reached up and powered on his hearing aid, ignoring Jackson's surprised look as his eyes followed the movement. “So… This isn't just a vacation then. Or a single semester again.” He asked, needing to say the words aloud to make sure that this was real.

Jackson smiled and nodded, looking genuinely excited and Jaebum almost forgave him for lying to him for god only knew how many weeks.

“And how long have you been planning this? A coach transfer, applications for university… That certainly doesn't sound like something that could be arranged in the twenty two hours or so since we last spoke.”

Jackson had the grace to look sheepish. “Surprise.” He said, raising his hands wiggling his fingers dramatically like he'd done some kind of magic trick.

Jaebum smiled in spite of himself.

His smile seemed to encourage Jackson,who smiled in return. “In all honesty, everything was only really finalized like a week ago. I didn't want to say anything in case something fell through.”

Jaebum admitted to himself that he'd probably have been devastated if he'd thought Jackson was coming back only to be told it wouldn't happen. “But everyone else could know?” Jaebum said, raising an eyebrow.

“I only told Mark! Mark told Jinyoung and this whole surprise thing was Jinyoung's idea. So it's his fault really when you think about it.” Jackson defended.

Jaebum laughed. That sounded like Jinyoung. Jaebum wouldn't have been surprised if there was some hidden camera around here that Jinyoung had placed to capture his reaction.

“You're really staying…” Jaebum said again once he stopped laughing, looking over at Jackson who was grinning at him. He felt a bit like a broken record but he was still having a hard time absorbing the information that Jackson was here at all, never mind the fact that he wasn't leaving again.

“I'm really staying.” Jackson confirmed with a fond smile.

Jaebum studied him, taking in the shadows under his eyes, probably borne from travel weariness but which in no way diminished the overall happiness and excitement on Jackson's face.

Jackson was back. And he wasn't leaving anytime soon. Maybe never.

Determined to not make the same mistake he'd made last time, to not waste any time he had with Jackson denying his feelings. He leaned forwards and raised his hand, tentatively reaching for Jackson's face, his thumb brushing lightly along Jackson's cheekbone as palm cupped his cheek.

When Jackson’s smile widened and he leaned into the touch Jaebum felt emboldened and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

Jackson looked almost relieved. “ Finally ,” he said before launching himself at Jaebum.

∾

It took Jaebum a while before he got used to the fact that he could actually see Jackson any time he wanted again. They'd spent more time living in separate countries than they had in the same one and every time Jackson would walk into a room Jaebum would get this stupid smile on his face.

He was always over at Jaebum's apartment, so much so that Jaebum had eventually just given him his own set of keys so Jaebum wouldn't have to deal with answering the phone to open the lobby door to let him in every time.

Sometimes Jaebum wished he would come over a little less and just get some sleep. His new coach wasn't affiliated with the university so on training days he had to go off campus for training after a full day of classes and then make the commute to Jaebum's, which was around double the length his commute would have been if he’d just gone to his dorm. Jackson insisted he slept better at Jaebum's though and refused to stop coming, eventually sleeping at Jaebum's around three days a week.

And it wasn't like Jaebum was going to force him to stop. He loved having Jackson with him, loved how Jackson could just let himself into Jaebum’s personal space, like he belonged there with him.

Whenever he'd see the door opening out of the corner of his eye and he'd look up to see Jackson stumbling out of his shoes and coat Jaebum's chest would almost hurt from how much affection he had for him.

But then Jackson would look up at Jaebum with tired eyes and an attempt at a smile and Jaebum would hurt for a whole other reason. He'd set aside whatever he was doing and lay across the couch, waving Jackson over. Jackson always sent him the most blinding smile and crawled on top on him, collapsing against Jaebum's shoulder with a happy sigh.

Jaebum would get to to work, using his fingertips to work out any knots in the muscles of Jackson's neck, shoulders and back, using tips that Jackson himself had given him from information he'd learned in his program. Jaebum could usually have Jackson lying utterly relaxed and boneless against him in about twenty minutes.

As much as he wanted Jackson to go back to his dorm room and get some sleep, he admitted that just laying there with Jackson against him was one of his favourite parts of the week. Just doing nothing, but being with one another was something Jaebum was determined not to take for granted.

Sometimes Jackson would fall asleep and waking him up was always a bit of a challenge since sleepy Jackson was a clingy Jackson, but Jaebum considered having Jackson refuse to let go of him as they made their way to bed a decidedly good problem to have.

∾

Watching Jackson compete at the Olympics was probably the most emotional, nerve-wracking thing Jaebum had ever experienced. He had no idea how Jackson's parents survived doing it for so long, though perhaps being athletes themselves made it easier. They'd come to visit Jackson for Christmas, and to meet Jaebum, and they honestly seemed like the kindest people on the planet. A lot about Jackson made more sense after meeting his parents.

The whole gang had gathered at one of their houses to watch all of Jackson’s matches and it certainly wasn’t just Jaebum who felt the tension as they watched Jackson compete against the best the world had to offer. Youngjae usually ended up grabbing onto Jaebum’s hand, crushing it or even hiding behind it during particularly close matches. Yugyeom’s legs were always bouncing as he tried to contain his restlessness. Bambam literally bounced up and down for almost the entirety of Jackson’s last match before he was eliminated, finishing his first Olympics in ninth place.

Jaebum knew that Jackson had been aiming for top ten and was thrilled and proud beyond words by Jackson’s accomplishment. At the World competition a month prior Jackson had had a rough few days in a row and came in twenty first and had been so disappointed in himself, beating himself up for a few days before breaking himself out of that mindset and focusing on the Olympics with even more determination. Jackson was every bit as strong mentally as he was physically and even after knowing Jackson for a year and a half, Jaebum still hadn’t stopped being amazed by him.

And it wasn't even just in fencing. Jackson was simultaneously doing more things than Jaebum had seen anyone do but he still had time to go see anything that Jinyoung or Youngjae were performing in. He still had time to help Mark play through a prototype of a game he designed. He still had time to go out dancing on the weekend with Yugyeom and Bambam. He still had time to listen to Jaebum whine about not knowing what he wanted to do with his life and read through anything Jaebum had written, giving his honest and thorough feedback, even if he hadn't liked it.

He was the one who encouraged Jaebum to continue drawing comics, even giving Jaebum some ideas on what to draw about. Because of that Jaebum had gotten a job at a popular website, submitting weekly comic strips. He still worked at the library and he was pretty sure he didn't want to write comics for a living but it was fun to do on the side, and it was earning him something of a following that might turn out to be useful whenever he figured out what he wanted to write.

The others turned their attention away from the television at Mark and Jinyoung's place, grumbling about Jackson's loss and how he should have won. Jaebum kept watching as the reporter from the Korean station they were on waved Jackson over for an interview, the subtitles at the bottom of the screen telling Jaebum she was asking about how despite representing Hong Kong Jackson lived and trained in Korea.

Jackson looked happy, despite his loss. He was flushed and sweaty as he usually was after a match but he was absolutely beaming as he answered the woman’s questions, most of which were pretty generic: how was your first experience at the Olympics, what have you learned, any other events you want to see.

The others weren't paying too much attention as they moved around the room, getting ready for bed. It was the middle of the night in Korea because of the time difference but they had all stayed up because they didn’t want to wait and watch the reply in the morning. The living room was full of bedding and pillows they were going to sleep on.

But Jaebum was paying attention. Jaebum watched as the interview ended and Jackson bowed his thanks to the woman interviewing him. He watched as the woman turned to the camera and said something about how they'd be back after commercials.

And he watched as over her shoulder Jackson pointed to the camera, then pressed a hand to his chest before making a fist with his left hand, pinky facing the ground, and rubbed the palm of his right hand in two small circles on top of his fist a mere second before the commercials began.

I love you.

Jaebum sat in stunned silence for a moment. He hadn't taught Jackson that series of signs. Jackson had been interested in learning sign language and Jaebum had been teaching him simple signs, both of them always smiling like idiots whenever Jackson used them unexpectedly. But ‘I love you’ was not something he'd taught Jackson.

It wasn’t the first time Jackson had said it to him. He was every bit as affectionate with his words as he was with his actions, something he was helping Jaebum learn as well. Jackson always thought it was amusing that for a man so good at writing words, Jaebum was terrible at saying the important ones. Jaebum had no doubts about how much Jackson cared about him.

But to see him sign it felt different to Jaebum. Even more so because he hadn’t asked Jaebum to teach him. He went out on his own to learn a way to express his love for Jaebum in a way that very few would understand. It wasn’t hard, nor did it likely take Jackson much time at all to learn but the fact that he wanted to learn meant the world to Jaebum. It was such a Jackson thing to do to sign it on national television too. Making sure the whole world knew he loved Jaebum without actually having to say anything.

He was so fucking lucky to have Jackson in his life.

His phone began vibrating in his pocket and he pulled it out, unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face when he read the name on the screen. He stood up and grabbed his headphones as he headed to Mark and Jinyoung's bedroom for a bit of privacy, even though he was fairly certain everyone would figure out who was calling and would barge in soon to talk to him anyway.

He slipped into the room and closed the door behind him, answering the phone with a soft smile on his lips. “I love you too Jackson.”