Archive of Our Own ^beta

Fig and Lily entered Ford’s office with a bang of the door. Fig leaned against the wall and stared down Ford.

“We’ve got a big one for you, Ford. It’s bigger than Santa’s float at the Macy’s Day parade.” Fig rattled off.

“Not a good time, Fig.” Ford informed her.

Fig gave the room another pass. Claudette was sitting on Ford’s desk to his left. Bixby was leaning against the desk to their right. Both were out of uniform; dressed more casually than Fig had ever seen them. In the middle of the table sat all the ingredients needed for a classic martini: a bottle of chilled gin, vermouth, and a jar of olives. No shaker or ice, thought Fig, but kept her snark to herself. A martini glass sat in front of each of them, the drinks’ volumes noticeably different from each other.

“What’s the game?” Fig asked after completing her surveillance and analysis.

“Never have I ever.” Answered Claudette. “You in? We could use ya. Between knowing each other so well and doing most of the interesting things together, the game is starting to stall out.”

“I’ve never kissed a goat.” Lily said as she took a seat in front of the desk.

Ford squinted slightly, but recovered quickly from Lily’s random leap into their game. He pulled two fresh glasses off a shelf. He sat one in front of Lily and added the three ingredients into the glass, filling it halfway to the top when done. She swirled the liquid around, and then began nibbling on the rim of her glass.

Ford began to do the same for Fig. As Ford was pulling the gin bottle away, Fig pinned him with a look. With palm side up, she pulsed her fingers toward her palm, gesturing for him not to skimp on her share. Ford acquiesced and filled her glass nearly to the brim, leaving just enough room for two olives. Ford moved on to refilling the remaining glasses.

Fig nodded at him in appreciation as she grasped her glass with two hands, keeping it steady as she took a sip. “Not bad, Ford. I have to ask though, why are you pouring my drink tonight?”

“I’m Bixby,” Bixby chimed in cheerfully, “and I’m on vacation.”

Fig gave him an approving nod and settled into her chair. “Who’s next?”

“It’s still Lily,” Ford said as he finished his own drink by tossing in an olive. “She’s never kissed a goat,” he managed to get out without showing any of his bubbling amusement.

“I already drank for that time I kissed a goat.” Fig informed him “What? You thought I was just sipping my drink for no reason? That’s not how this game works, Ford.”

“I like it. A girl that comes to play. No messing around.” Claudette praised. “Your turn to take,” she added with a nod to Fig.

Using Claudette’s admiration of Fig as cover, Ford slowly took a small sip. He set the glass down carefully as not to make any sounds that would alert the other players.

“A goat!” Dash exclaimed merrily while popping up in the corner.

Lily and Fig flinched away from where Dash had just appeared. The trio held there positions perfectly.

“The great Ford Pillips, kissed a goat!” Dash gloated. “I saw you, Ford. I saw you drink. Oh boy, this is all the info I need. Must be worth something . . . to someone . . . right?” He looked around the room for validation.

“How long has he been here?” Fig asked the room.

Two hours, mouthed Ford.

“You’ll never know.” Dash answered.

Claudette and Bixby both had two fingers held up.

“I guess this is one mystery only Dash Gunfire can solve.” Fig said.

“Really?” Dash asked excitedly.

“No,” Fig and Ford said in unison.

Bixby shook his head slightly.

“Do you have an extra glass for your old pal Dash?” Dash asked Ford.

“Sorry, we're at capacity, kid.” Fig told him after palming the last unclaimed glass off the shelf and hiding it behind her back.

“No, you’re not.” Dash sulked. “You’re not sorry at all.”

Everyone in the room stared at him in awkward silence.

“Oh, ok. No big deal. I was leaving anyway. I have so many cases. I got what I needed here. Better get back to the beat. Back to the old grind.” Dash continued rambling as he awkwardly side stepped all the way out the door. His insistence that he had a job and was definitely getting back to it eventually faded out as he made his way further down the hall.

Fig took the opportunity provided by Dash’s interruption to complete her mission. “Ford, it’s time to get to business.” She pointed her finger at Lily and swept it towards Ford. “Tell them, Will.”

“I’m in trouble.” She threw an envelope onto the table. “I was sent these.” Lily said flopping back into her chair.

Fig pulled a card out from her pocket. “And there was a note: Pick the one you like best. Everyone will see it.” Fig placed it in the center of the desk so they all could see it. “It’s clearly a threat, but there’s no demand.”

Ford pulled out a thin stack of photos from the envelope. He gave each one a long look before throwing them onto his desk one at a time. Claudette leaned in to see.

Six photos were spread out across Ford’s desk. In one, Lily was in a sundress running through a shallow stream. In another, she was spinning in a field of wildflowers with her loose dress skirt flaring out to reveal her knees.

Fig gave her friend a confused look. “You told me you were being blackmailed with revealing photos. These are so tame they were tame in the 20’s.”

“I have a demand.” Bixby interjected nonchalantly from his place leaning against the side wall.

The room gave him their attention.

“I demand to know which one you pick.” Bixby stated. He waited for a response. When all he received was everyone’s confused looks, he tried again. “I’m Bixby. I sent Wilhelmina the prints for her to chose the one she wanted. For the bar’s ad. She’s the new face of Bixby’s Lounge.”

“Oh Will!” Fig exclaimed as she hugged her friend. “I do love the shenanigans you pull me into. Never change. Never!”

The room answered her with approving laughter and smiles.