Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Congratulations! The train reached New York safely.

“But there sure are a lot of mysteries left, huh? If you want to know more of the truth, try the Special Express line next.”

Summary

This ending follows the canon ending of Baccano! 1931: Local Train Episode, featuring Jacuzzi's showdowns with Goose and the Rail Tracer and the train's subsequent arrival in New York City. As it is unabridged text, I did not summarize it at length.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Congratulations! The train reached New York safely.

“But apparently there are some people acting up behind the scenes. There’s an extra episode somewhere–check that out.”

Summary

This ending follows the canon ending of Baccano! 1931: Express Train Episode, including the showdown between the Rail Tracer, Ladd Russo, and Chane Laforet and concluding with the epilogues that reveal what happened to everyone after the train reached New York. As it is unabridged text, I did not summarize it at length.

Chapter Text

Commentary from Upham of the Lemures

“This is a record of what happened between me and an Immortal who called himself Elmer.

“As for what happened to the Immortal called Fermet after that, I don’t know. Someone from ‘the other side’ will probably tell the story someday.

But I know that won’t be the role of a coward like me.”

How to reach this ending

Complete Slow Train and Express Train, and it’ll dump you here after you watch the credits. Or skip through the credits, probably. There is no choice involved in getting to this ending, unless you count getting through the main body of the game. It is, also, entirely canon, except for something that was retconned but I’ll talk about that when I get to it.

Oh yeah, also, all dialogue is voiced.

What happens (scene 1): Turner POV, 2nd class car, 8:33 p.m.

A little background, first, because surprisingly little of this has come up in other endings and it was left out of the anime: Turner is a rich, racist asshat who runs the company that scapegoated Rachel’s father. He was kicked out of the dining car shortly after the three-way showdown for being a racist asshat. This happens shortly after that.

Muttering “who the hell do they think I am!” to himself, he wanders through the second-class car, hoping to find some people other than the black and white suits, or at least a good place to hide. He tries to stay alert, watching and listening for anything out of the ordinary, but realizes that he has no way to defend himself even if he notices something, grows even more frightened, and decides to take cover in one of the cabins. And yet, if he opens a door, a white suit might jump out–so he can’t bring himself to do that, either. He just progresses, step by slow step, through the car…

And then one of the doors slide open. Turner panics, as there’s nowhere for him to hide, but the person who comes out of the room is neither a black suit nor a white suit but a young man with thick bangs who kindly asks him if he’s okay. (I’m just gonna call him by name even though he doesn’t introduce himself for some time and never accurately☆) Turner realizes he’s not connected to the terrorists or the robbers and splutters not to scare him; Fermet asks what is going on, as he’s heard frightened people going back and forth outside his room. More spluttering from Turner. Most of his dialogue is ineffectual spluttering tbh. Pointing out that the hallway is dangerous, Fermet invites him into his cabin. 

Inside the cabin, Turner continues to splutter and fret, thoroughly indignant that his money can’t get him out of this mess. He actually takes out his wallet and starts laying out his bills and his rings to calm himself down. The other man glances at them but is more concerned with checking the hallway every now and then: “Still, why would he be here…?”

Turner asks if he knows something about the terrorists. No, Fermet explains, he wouldn’t say that he knows them, per se, but just before Turner showed up, two children wandered past, and he recognizes the male child. Looking a little frightened, he adds that the boy–no, the man who looks like a boy–is a terrorist who uses many false names; he stopped his growth using some kind of special drug. Fermet saw a photo of him in some FBI reports; he’s a former investigator, fired for causing some trouble with an incompetent boss.

Turner demands that Fermet arrest or just plain shoot the people causing trouble on the train. Fermet’s like I was fired, I just said that. It’s not my job anymore and no one’s paying me for it.

So Turner, relieved to have found a problem that money can solve, slides one of his bundles of cash towards him. Oh, well in that case. Fermet pockets the bundle as well as a ring as a downpayment and tells Turner to sit tight for a bit while he goes to investigate. Before he leaves, though, he realizes he’s never introduced himself, and gives his name as Victor Talbot.

How I feel about this scene

First of all, I have an overly vigilant Fermet Mental Warning System because as I was going through this scene again, as the door slid open my brain was like he is coming, prepare yourself, or are you sure you don’t want to do something else instead?? and I’m just like, Brain, I understand where you’re coming from but I sure as hell am not reading this for Turner. Does this happen to anyone else? This instinctive turning away when he’s involved? ah, just me then. that’s fine.

Anyway. Some other scattered thoughts. I don’t like Fermet’s shorter hair very much. I feel like it’s a little longer and flippier in that one picture at the end of Another Junk Railroad, and it looks better there. It just looks floppy in these sprites, like someone’s just doused him in water or something. This is a very petty concern, but like hell am I gonna miss a chance to insult him, right?

Turner is referred to as 髭豚, mustache-pig, throughout. I–I don’t like this at all? I think if I were translating the whole of it, I’d probably use “warthog” and I would be unhappy about it the entire time, don’t call a human a warthog, even if he’s a piece of trash like Turner. I mean, at least Niki’s master gets “Baldy.” That’s something that refers to a human.

Fermet’s lies re: Czes do actually have a point which comes up later, but god, it stresses me out so much just to hear him (literally hear, sob sob) talk about Czes. Even when it’s straight-up bullshit. Maybe even more so then? I dunno. Just shut up. Die.

On the other hand, introducing himself as Victor is just pointless assholery. It’s the jaywalking of Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking and it more baffles me than pisses me off, like, on top of everything else why are you doing this stupid petty little thing. Stahp. Give Victor a break. Victor deserves some shit, def, but the amount of shit he has to deal with already exceeds the amount he deserves without adding this. Give him a break.

What happens (scene 2): Turner POV, 2nd class cabin, 10:05 p.m.

Fermet’s not back yet, so Turner is spluttering to himself, wondering if he took the cash and ran. That was his most expensive ring, too! And then he hears footsteps approach the cabin and stop–

But it’s just “Victor,” returned from his recon. He apologizes for startling Turner, almost excessively cordial, and says that he found a good place to hide up ahead. He leads Turner towards the back of the train with an out-of-place smile that never wavers, even as more gunshots are heard from elsewhere in the train–as if he alone is an unrelated observer. 

They come across the body of a dead white suit. (The one who tried to attack Mary and was instead killed by Chane.) Turner yelps, but “Victor” reassures him that the person who killed him has already gone to another car. One of the black suits?, Turner asks. Well, sort of, “Victor” responds–but it’s the boy they were talking about earlier. Turner shudders and expresses doubt that a boy like that could overpower a grown man, but “Victor” exhorts him not to be fooled–though he looks like a child, he’s actually over twenty years old and has committed a number of brutal crimes. “Victor” wasn’t in a position to interfere this time, so he only watched. But Turner must be careful not to trust anyone on this train, not even women or children–if he encounters anyone suspicious, he should not hesitate.

Just then, “Victor” realizes that there’s a rifle next to the corpse and offers it to Turner for self-defense. Turner has hunted before, so he knows how to use a gun; he accepts it nervously and looks it over. Smiling, “Victor” encourages him–it is right for Turner, as the party being protected, to have this gun for self-defense; “Victor” has some experience with martial arts. Here the narration points out that this is strange–as a former investigator, “Victor” would have more experience with firefights and such, shouldn’t he handle the gun…?

Anyway Turner sure doesn’t catch on to that; he’s just glad to have a gun. Also, he’s wondering if the downpayment was a little too high, so what Fermet took before will comprise the downpayment and the fee itself. Apparently, he’s a lot bolder with a gun in hand.

For a few seconds, at least.

‘Cause when he turns around, “Victor” is gone. Turner looks about for him, tells him to stop joking–where’s this hiding place he was talking about? Suddenly, Turner is even more scared than he was before. Now, all he has to rely on is this gun.

How I feel about this scene

YEP, still pisses me off to hear him talk about Czes. Also understatement amuses me so I admit I laughed at the “he’s at least twenty years old” thing. Yes, at least that. 

Turner is a complete asshole and manages to get pretty close to deserving to be subjected to Fermet. In fact, considering that this is pretty damn mild for Fermet, I’d straight-up say he earned all of this. That said, apparently it’s Fermet’s fault both that Turner gets his hands on the gun that he very nearly uses to shoot Rachel later on, and that he’s scared out of his mind. Fuck you, Fermet. I take personal offense.

What happens (scene 3): "Black Suit" POV, freight car, 5:22 a.m.

I’m not gonna sit around calling him “black suit” until he introduces himself. Everyone, meet Upham. This is, by the way, the same black suit who (a) turned tail and ran from Ladd while Ladd tortured another black suit to learn about Chane and (b) subsequently ran into Jacuzzi and Donny and got himself interrogated about what the black suits are up to and where they’re keeping their weapons. There, are we all situated, then? Let’s begin. 

“Shortly” after Turner was left to despair (shortly?! It’s been seven hours), a young man could be heard groaning in the last freight compartment. He’s dressed like a black suit but is currently tied, hands and feet. He’s alive, which is pretty fortunate for a black suit, but he’s quite concerned that Ladd or the red monster might show up. He tries to get the ropes loose, but apparently the delinquents are used to this kind of thing, and they don’t budge. So he gives up, and his mind drifts to the one he loves. “I hope Miss Chane is still okay…”

He thinks about how he felt after escaping Ladd, before running into Team Jacuzzi: He ran from the white suits, but what’s wrong with that? He was against this plan from the start–Huey wouldn’t do something like take hostages or kill a child as a warning. Chane felt the same way, but cooperated with Goose to save Huey; but the real difference between Goose and Chane is that Chane cares about Huey himself and Goose only cares about what he can get out of Huey. Of course, Upham was mostly interested in what he could get out of Huey, too; unlike Neider, he knows that Huey is immortal. But he’s over it. Huey aside, he’s not following Goose anymore, not after Goose gave the order to kill Chane. He had decided to jump off the train when it crossed a river. 

But now Upham is ashamed that he wanted to escape by himself–he should have at least tried to bring Chane with him. Granted, she wouldn’t have escaped with him, seeing as how his love is completely one-sided, but he should have at least tried. But he didn’t, because he cares more about himself. Overcome by self-hatred, he makes another futile attempt to wiggle his way out of the ropes and resigns himself to the fact that being arrested is the best he can hope for.

And that’s when the door opens. Upham nearly has a heart attack, wondering if it’s white or red that’s found him–

But the man who comes in greets him with a relaxed “Hey there.” He’s about twenty, average-looking, but for some reason, he’s smiling, even on this hell-train. “What are you doing over there, all tied up?”

Wat.

Upham is understandably baffled by the man’s–again, I’m not gonna keep typing “the man” over and over, this is Elmer (I know, contain your shock)–by Elmer’s relaxed attitude, considering that Upham is pretty clearly one of the terrorists terrorizing the train. Has he been asleep or something?? Is he with the white suits? The delinquents? Upham wonders if he can convince Elmer that he’s an innocent and get him to untie him–

No convincing needed, actually, Elmer goes ahead and unties Upham’s feet without prompting. Upham, at least, shows some caution as he stands and asks Elmer to untie his hands, too. Yup, that’s fine with Elmer too. Upham is thoroughly freaked out by all of this, so once he’s free, he bends as if he’s going to adjust his shoes–and takes out the knife he has stowed in his heel and rushes at Elmer, pressing the knife to his throat.

Elmer is startled, but doesn’t stop smiling. Which makes Upham feel bad, so in a low voice he chides Elmer: “If you knew I was with the terrorists, you should have expected this much!” 

Though he’s shaking, Upham is planning to get some answers out of Elmer at knifepoint, but…

“Sorry, that’s not gonna get you anywhere.”

Elmer grabs Upham’s hand and stabs the knife into his own throat. Upham freaks out more (he’s not having a good night), shakes his hand free, and practically falls backwards, mumbling, “It’s not my fault…” But his guilt changes to fear in a few seconds as Elmer starts bleeding in reverse.

“Wh-what the hell are you?!”

“Who, me? I guess you could call me a passerby-slash-observer. So you’re one of the terrorists?”

Yeah, no, Upham is not articulate at this point. Completely mistaking the source of Upham’s distress, Elmer reassures him, “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to… It’s just, taking the whole train as hostages seems a little weird to me.” And then, without a whole lot of context to connect it to the previous statement, he laughs and says: “Huey Laforet.” And from Upham’s face, he can tell that Upham does indeed know that name, and he’s delighted that his guess was correct! He thanks Upham for confirming it and then says if Upham wants to give him a prize for the correct guess, he should smile.

Mentally, Upham is like what the hell would I smile for, but the mention of Huey’s name kind of calms him down. “Don’t tell me… your body is the same as Master Huey’s?”

“Hm? Ah, yep, sure is. I’m “immortal,” I guess you could say. But that gets complicated, so can you keep it a secret? I mean, I don’t think anyone would believe you even if you did say something.”

As Upham continues to gape at him, Elmer muses, “Man, when did Huey get so many followers? Oh, but this isn’t his plan, right? He promised me and Monica that he wouldn’t involve outsiders in stuff like this unless it was an experiment, and besides, this doesn’t seem like his style.”

“D… do you know him?”

And then Elmer realizes he hasn’t introduced himself yet, and does so!

How I feel about this scene

If you were wondering, my opinion of Upham is basically “oh, you dumb baby.” The poor idiot is in love with Chane, and he’s just… he’s not impressive. He’s pretty useless. He’s got no edge to him. His sprite is the most baby-faced sprite and I am including Jacuzzi in that estimation. Oh, you dumb baby. (Relatedly, his design does not appear in the anime. He’s much cuter than whoever that dude is. Sorry for the Hulu-ness, my DVDs are on loan currently.) 

Elmer, on the other hand. Elmer has not gotten any better at reading the air. I can accept that stabbing himself in the throat and demonstrating his super healing powers was quicker than trying to explain everything, but Elmer, did you think that was going to make him smile?? Like that… that’s alarming, dude. Most people are alarmed by stabbing of any kind. 

Also like, I know I made a post about this, but it makes me so happy to hear Monica’s name in the 1930s ;; I mean, I’m not sure what the distinction between “experiment” and “other random scheme” is, or for that matter why Monica would need such a promise?, but I trust that it makes perfect sense to someone.

What happens (scene 4): The creeping shadow POV, freight cars, 5:22 a.m.

(This one's a direct translation, and one of the scenes with vague pedophilia vibes.)

At the same time—

There was a shadow creeping about within the train.

It was not one of the black suits;

It was not one of the white suits;

It was not one of the ragged delinquents;

It was not one of the poor passengers, wrapped up in things beyond their control;

Not the young boy, or the young girl;

Not the sturdy cook;

Not the gray wizard;

Not the stowaway;

Not the mustachioed pig;

Not the red monster;

Not even human—

It was the personification of desire itself.

The shadow crept quietly, and yet rapidly, through the train.

As the white suits and black suits came and went, quickly, rapidly, hurriedly—

The way it moved was not inhuman. But it crept through the train without wasting a single movement.

Hiding, when necessary, and all along searching for something.

It stopped in the middle of the freight car; and, while taking note of its surroundings, it muttered, “…Strange… Where could he have gone? Did he jump off the train?”

The words it strung together confirmed that it was indeed searching for someone; and with its next words, its mouth twisted sickeningly.

“Or did someone throw him?”

Chuckling, the shadow began walking again, and continued its quiet search of the train.

“Ahh, everything’s set… Now, no matter who Czes encounters, he should be in for some fun!”

It was headed for the caboose, the conductor’s cabin—slowly, and unwaveringly.

“That mustached pig would be nice. To be shot by someone so pathetic—what kind of face would Czes make? Ahh, I can’t wait!”

With an expression of pure ecstasy on its lips, the shadow continued deeper into the train—unaware that what awaited him was not the one he searched for, but someone else entirely…

How I feel about this scene:

Let me first say that while “aaaaah he’s looking for Czes” was indeed my sincere reaction, I had kind of wondered if there would be that kind of implication, so I didn’t like. have a panic attack.

Regarding translating it... I was a happier person before I looked up a few of those specific words.

What happens (scene 5): Upham POV, freight car, 5:26 a.m.

This scene is in first person from Upham’s POV. He is. pretty confused. Yes, he admits mentally, he probably shouldn’t have swung a knife at the guy who was nice enough to untie him, but he was so suspicious! And then he stuck the knife in his throat himself and Upham is not gonna forget what that felt like anytime soon, and apparently he’s immortal like Huey is, and he’s saying that they’re old friends but they are really not similar at all…

Regardless, he elects to stay with Elmer for a bit and introduces himself. The train hasn’t reached the river he could jump off into yet, and while Elmer is creepy, he doesn’t seem like he’s going to hurt Upham.

“By the way,” Elmer asks, “does Huey ever, like, gripe about me in private?”

Upham’s like, I am not important enough to know the answer to that question.

“Ah, I see. Well, he generally keeps his distance from people, you know? But wow, I can’t believe so many people idolize him now! I never would’ve imagined that from what he used to be like.”

So Elmer keeps babbling about that kind of thing, and they leave the freight cars, heading towards the conductor’s cabin to check it out. That’s Elmer’s idea; Upham isn’t too jazzed about it. Originally, the Lemures conductor should have been there, alive, and the other conductor should have been dead. But considering what’s been going on, Upham’s not expecting anyone to be alive there.

Elmer tries to get him to smile with some questionable logic involving an Asian proverb, suggesting that if he starts by being happy about something small, that may summon more happiness! “Even in a desperate situation like this one, you could start by smiling at the fact that you’ve been safe up until this very second. It can be that small. As long as you can believe in your own smile.”

Oh, sure, like it’s that easy, Upham thinks, and shakes his head. But Elmer’s smile takes on a bit of a sad note to it and he mumbles to himself, “That’s something I can’t do, after all…”

Before Upham can ask him what he means by that, Elmer opens the door to the conductor’s room and it’s… it’s about what he’d expected but it is still terrible. I’m not describing what it looks like, you already know the answer to that. But Upham’s confused as to why the Lemures conductor is the one with a bullet in his brain. Can the monster use a gun, too? As Upham tries to handle his confusion and fear and need to throw up, Elmer takes a closer look at the room.

“Man, what happened here? This guy was shot, and the other one… looks like he was eaten by a dragon or something. Half of his body in one gulp, too. I saw a few more corpses like this on my way here–do you have any idea what’s up?”

“Th-that’s what I want to know!”

Upham is more than a little unsettled at Elmer’s continued composure. He covers his mouth and nose with his left hand and peers into the room as Elmer continues to muse to himself.

“I wonder if these two had family. I wonder what the best way to tell them would be, so that they could recover from their deaths the fastest.”

Upham has no idea how Elmer can spare a thought for the family of two dead people he’s never met before–is it because he’s immortal? Maybe Huey doesn’t like to involve bystanders in order to build the same kind of composure?

At the thought of Huey, Upham thinks of Chane again, too, and wonders if she’s safe. But as he’s wondering that, he hears a voice from behind him, devoid of ill or good will:

“Out of my way.”

He turns, and there’s a man standing there; the moment that Upham turns is just about when the man brings his knife downward. Upham tries to twist away, but the knife slices through his shoulder and down his arm. He gives a strangled scream. Ow, ow ow ow ow ow! What the hell? I’m gonna die, and I don’t even know who’s killing me.This someone–this something in front of me is gonna kill me, he’s gonna stab me, ow ow ow!

Certain that he’s doomed, Upham takes out his own knife. At this time, Elmer and Fermet notice each other and are surprised at each other’s presence. Upham does not care. He takes this opportunity to stab Fermet in the stomach. Multiple times.

I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you before you can kill me.

He doesn’t stop until Fermet slumps over; only then does he realize that he’s shaking and take a moment to wonder who the hell this guy is. Clutching his own bleeding shoulder, he goes to flip the fallen body over with his foot to check his face–

–aaaand more bleeding in reverse. Upham is like whyyyyyy and as Fermet begins to recover, Elmer gets between the two of them. “You should stay back. Don’t worry, that’s not a lethal wound. As long as you keep pressure on it and keep that arm elevated, you should be fine.“

Then he turns to Fermet. “Are you okay? That must’ve hurt.”

And then Fermet–who’s still on the floor–just. laughs. For a solid minute. Do you remember I said that this was fully voiced. Because it is. Here I brought you a recording of what it sounds like. (It autoplays. Genuinely sorry about that, I don’t know how to turn it off.)

And the whole time he’s laughing, Upham is just about petrified, thinking he’s laughing he’s laughing he’s laughing for quite some time before he’s able to move on to marginally more coherent thoughts about how the laughter is mocking Upham’s pain and crushing his soul; it’s not simple laughter but the laugh of one enjoying himself to the fullest and something more than that, something that strikes terror into the hearts of those who hear it.

And, as he’s laughing, Fermet stands up.

Upham wants to see his eyes, just to see if this laughter is sane or insane, but Fermet’s bangs are too thick for that.

Elmer, on the other hand. Delighted. “Oh, good, you must be okay if you can laugh so much!”

So Fermet finally pulls himself together, smiling like a snake that’s found its prey. Stifling his laughter, he says, “Oh, you make me laugh, appearing when you’re least expected, Elmer… Elmer C. Albatross!” (His sprite’s changed from grinning to grimacing though, if you were wondering.)

“You too! I’m glad you’re well!”

“Why… why are you here? You weren’t looking for me, were you?”

“No, this is totally a coincidence,” Elmer insists, and then turns to Upham and helps him wrap up his shoulder.

“Thanks,” Upham says. “I think I might pass out, but first I have one question.”

“What?”

“What the hell is that guy?”

With a troubled smile, Elmer looks towards the man in the doorway. “Hmm… I’ll introduce you. He’s Fermet–Lebreau Fermet Viralesque.” And then he continues to smile, but his next words are dead serious: “I’m not gonna tell him your name, and you shouldn’t either.”

Upham’s so confused that he forgets the pain in his shoulder for a moment as he waits for Elmer to continue.

“If you get too close to him, there’s a good chance your life would take a turn for the unhappy, so… you probably shouldn’t approach him. If you reeeally want to, I won’t stop you, but I don’t recommend it.”

Despite the fact that Elmer’s still, weirdly, smiling as he says that, Upham can believe it–Fermet stabbed him not with any particular resentment or murderousness, but honestly, simply because he was in the way. And Upham is more afraid than angry. What the hell are these guys–both of them? Elmer may not have borne him any animosity, and under normal circumstances may have seemed like a good guy, but for his smile to not waver even at the carnage in the conductors’ car–something’s not right about him.

Fermet only chuckles and cracks his neck, completely recovered from Upham’s stabbing. “What an awful way to introduce someone. Do you have some kind of grudge against me, Elmer?” he asks in a light voice, as if his earlier demand was a hallucination.

And Elmer answers, in a perfectly normal tone, “He already saw what you’re really like a second ago, so why not talk normally? That act has gotta get tiring, right?”

And Fermet’s smile changes from the polite one of a moment before to the ophidian one from earlier, and his next words are laced with malice: “I see you’re just as much of an unpleasant bastard as you’ve ever been! Always grinning and smirking… I wondered if you had changed over the course of two hundred years, but your brain certainly hasn’t. I guess it had nowhere else to go, since it was rotten from the start.”

“Maybe it’ll ferment next? But I dunno… if we could figure out a good use for rotten stuff, I bet it would make the world a little more peaceful! Whaddaya say, once we get to New York, let’s put our heads together and see if we can figure something out!”

Elmer clearly thinks this is a great idea. Fermet clearly thinks it is not. “You know what you are? You’re disgusting. You’re an offense! Just die! I couldn’t even stand to eat you–a single glimpse of your brain would rot mine to the core!” 

“You think so? I think your brain is pretty rotten already, from a general point of view, but I don’t mind it.”

(–um, some surprise homophobic language for a bit here?)

“Knock it off, you queer! You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and I’d still completely, totally, absolutely reject you. I reject you. I’ll say it again–I reject you! Forget a kiss, I wouldn’t even hold your hand. If you need to feel someone’s touch so badly, why don’t you go join Huey in prison? You two were always lovey-dovey. Ughh, gross!” 

Upham’s like wait, this guy knows Master Huey too?? Would explain the immortality…

Meanwhile, Elmer responds to Fermet’s vilification with the same smile as ever. “People find their happiness in different ways, so I have nothing against homosexuality, but maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to assume two male friends are gay, you know? Huey and I both had girlfriends, after all.(1) Besides, weren’t you all over Czes yourself?(2)”

[EMERGENCY COMMENTARY INSERT. (1) this is the thing that’s later retconned away, discussion below (2) CHRIST, ELMER, THAT’S NOT OKAY.

and I’m gonna put a pedophilia warning here, too. This is… not any fun at all. Grit yer teeth, let’s get through this together–or if you need to leave, I’ll capslock and bold when you can come back.]

Fermet responds quite calmly. “Oh yes, of course I was. I love Czes from the bottom of my heart! Czes isn’t a boy or a girl–simply a living thing known as ‘Czeslaw’!”

Upham doesn’t know who this “Czes” is but he’s pretty sure that Fermet is a pervert. Anyway Fermet suddenly realizes what this sounds like and shakes his head.

“But don’t get me wrong–I’m not a homosexual. I love the sweet and the beautiful, whether they’re a male or female.” His face takes on an ecstatic look as he continues. “There is nothing, nothing, nothing I like more than watching something beautiful twist and warp and fall and plummet and sink and decay. It’s a little different from love, I suppose.”

“Where is the boundary between love and lust, anyway?”

“Humans’ emotions and instincts are one and the same, like the single surface of a mobius strip. Trying to find the boundary between them is as useless as looking for national borders that all of humanity can agree on!”

[HELLO YES, IT’S PROBABLY SAFE TO COME BACK NOW. I mean, Fermet’s still here, so “safe” is relative, but he’s stopped talking about that particular awful thing at least.]

“Now there’s something worth doing! Borders aside, it would be amazing to find something that all of humanity could agree on. Fermet, you really are a genius.”

“Shut up. Being complimented like you is like having a snail crawl into my ear. Just disappear already. That is my suggestion and the duty and fate you have been granted!”

“But then I wouldn’t be able to see that happy smile of yours.”

I haven’t been leaving out narration, by the way, Upham is just so lost that only now is he able to manage a what the fuck are these two talking about. He can’t even put his finger on what’s so weird about their conversation but he’s pretty sure that they shouldn’t be having it in a bloodstained conductors’ cabin. 

&then Elmer’s like, “Oh, right, on that note! I was thinking, if I wanted to make sure you and everyone around you were happy, the best way to do that is probably to find someone who would be happy to have their beauty twisted into ugliness and make them immortal, and then they could live with you forever! What do you think?”

Upham: what the hell is this guy talking about?

“…Are you still going on about that? Trying to make everyone in the world happy?”

“Duh!”

“Including me?”

“Of course!”

“Seriously?”

“Of course I’m serious!”

As Elmer answers him, his confidence unwavering, Fermet gets goosebumps and, with disgust on his face, takes step backwards. “Aagh, you’re disgusting. The fact that you are so incomprehensible disgusts me! What are you? Seriously, what the hell are you? I’ve never been able to understand you, and that scares me. You terrify me!”

“You think so?”

“First of all, take a look at reality, Elmer C. Albatross! Do you see what happened in this room? Take a look at these two corpses–oh, wow, I didn’t get a good look at them before, what the hell? –Anyway. Take a look at those gruesome corpses and tell me what you think. Are they happy? I don’t think they faced their brutal deaths with smiles on their faces, do you? You talk big, but you couldn’t even make these two happy!”

“Yeah… it’s really too bad.”

For once, Elmer is solemn. …For like two seconds. 

“Anyway, that aside, I’m sure that if I search the world, I can find someone who can make you ha–”

“Stop! Listen to what I’m saying! You never listen to people when they talk. Do the dead just not count to you? Ha! What a hypocrite you are!”

It’s a cruel thing to say, but Upham also sees the logic in it. Only Elmer remains unfazed.

“One person’s unhappy death is no reason that other people can’t be happy. Just because these two died unpleasantly, or because people are starving all over the world, or people are born into the pain of inequality every day… Those things are all real and true and honest, but they’re no reason for me to stop hoping for people to smile. I’m just doing this for my own satisfaction, remember?”

Fermet laughs again. “Ohh, I see. You really are a smile junkie. You’re completely out of your mind, trapped in your own little world, only thinking of yourself. Your actions are just coincidentally good for those around you. I’m going to be sick!”

And then he kinda chills a little and starts muttering, “For god’s sake, I went through all the trouble to stow away on this train, and here you are. Did you even write your real name on the passenger list?”

“Well, about that. I was totally stumped about what to do, but there was this elderly couple who decided not to go just before they got on the train, and it was too late for a refund, so they sold me their tickets for cheap! Oh, hey, I bought both of their tickets, so do you want one, since you stowed away? One of us’ll have to dress up as a woman if they check the tickets on the way off the train, though.”

“I could go insane just thinking of pretending to be married to you. And besides, we wouldn’t be able to use aliases, so if anyone asked our names, we’d be done for!”

“Oh yeah, huh.”

Upham is still struggling mightily to keep up: Are there some kind of rules to being immortal? Master Huey never mentioned any of that to Goose…

And then Fermet looks at him. “In any case, you and this black suit are the only people here… You, over there.”

“Eh?”

“Die.”

He dashes towards Upham, holding the knife that Upham himself threw aside at some point, and tries to stab Upham, but Elmer gets between them and takes the attack.

“Owwww…” Elmer winces as if he just stubbed his toe against a wall. Fermet scowls and shakes his head at him.

“There you go with your nonsense again.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be so quick to try to kill people, Fermet.”

“I need him to die here. He knows what I’m really like,” Fermet explains, twisting the knife as he does so. “Don’t you understand, Elmer? I’d never be able to relax with him alive. So let me kill him, for the sake of my own happiness.” Another twist of the knife. Blood spills out of Elmer’s stomach, only to come crawling back up his body. Even so, Elmer’s smile never wavers.

“No good. That won’t make him happy. It would be better if you grew and got over your unease on your own–then it would be a happy ending for both of you!”

“Should you really be saying that with a knife sticking out of your stomach? Haha, this is ridiculous, ridiculous! You’re willing to sacrifice yourself, and he’s not even doing anything to help you! Look at his eyes–he’s afraid of you!”

Upham knows that he’s being made fun of–that he’s being used in attempt to challenge Elmer–but what Fermet’s saying is true. He’s terrified–not of the violence in front of him, but of Elmer and Fermet. He hates himself for being able to analyze it so calmly, and for fearing Elmer even though Elmer kept helping him, but Elmer is creepy and he doesn’t want to be around him anymore.

“He’s afraid of me, huh…”

“He is! That’s why–”

“What’s wrong with that?”

Ignoring the knife in his stomach, Elmer grabs both of Fermet’s arms and pulls him towards himself.

“You creep, what are you…”

Elmer begins pulling him towards the open door to the outside.

“You’re joking,” Fermet says with a strained laugh, but Elmer doesn’t stop dragging him forward. He tries to stab Elmer again, but with his arms held tight, he can’t do much. “Let go… let go of me, Elmer!”

“Still not very strong, I see. That’s good news for me,” Elmer says, still smiling, voice devoid of any kind of ill will. “I need you to get off the train. I have a feeling that if you stay here, it’s going to spell unhappiness for a number of people. But don’t worry–once you calm down, I’ll be sure to help you find a nice friend or girlfriend like I was saying earlier.”

Upham has caught on to the fact that he’s completely earnest about that, incidentally.

“I won’t be falling alone, Elmer,” Fermet says, and grasps Elmer’s collar in the hand he’s not holding the knife with. But Elmer’s not particularly bothered.

“I know. I’m not worried. As you know, I won’t die–it’ll just hurt. I think it’ll hurt a lot, and for a long time.”

“…What do you mean?”

“So you should smile, Fermet.”

“Stop–stop it! This is why I despise you! I can never tell what you’re scheming–aagh!”

“That’s the very reason that we need to at least smile.” 

And Elmer rushes backwards and pulls Fermet out the door, but Upham thinks his smile looks a little sad as he does it? And then there’s silence for a few moments, and Upham’s shoulder hurts, and he bears it without speaking, but in response–

“Hey, thanks for grabbing my hand.”

Upham sighs. Just as Elmer and Fermet were about to fall from the train, he unconsciously reached out and grabbed Elmer’s arm. Fermet tried to keep hold of Elmer’s clothes for a moment, but eventually he sneered, “I’ll make you pay for this someday,” and fell off the back of the train with an insane laugh. His bangs may have parted for a second as he fell, but Upham couldn’t get a glimpse of his eyes from where he was standing; Elmer may have seen something, but he didn’t react at all.

Upham is in some serious pain, but Elmer speaks as lightly as ever. “I really appreciate it. I thought I was gonna have to fall with him.”

Upham sighs again. “There’s just something I wanted to ask you.”

“What’s up?”

“Why… why do you keep saving me? Why did you untie me, even though you’d guessed I was a terrorist?”

“Well, you know… you looked like you were about to cry!”

“…Huh?”

“I just wanted to see if I could make you smile. But you’re a tough one. You’ve been scowling this whole time. C’mon, smile?”

yeah no this only makes Upham angrier. “That’s all? You let yourself get stabbed for something like that?”

“No, no, no, you can’t call it ‘something like that’! There’s nothing more important to me than a smile!”

And Upham doesn’t know what to say to that. He collapses into the chair in the conductors’ cabin and concludes that like Fermet said, Elmer is just too different from everyone else. He finds Elmer even creepier than Fermet. …And yet, he pulled him back into the train. He doesn’t even want to try to explain this contradiction.

–Also, Elmer’s looking towards the hallway for some reason, so Upham looks too, and he seriously almost has a heart attack because there’s a man standing there, absolutely drenched in blood. And judging by the look in his eyes, that blood isn’t there from collateral damage. Upham wonders if this is the person who killed the other black suits, and just as he’s about to scream–

The red figure tilts his head and says, “Excuse me, sirs, but I can’t have you wandering into the conductors’ cabin on your own.”

Upham is beyond words. Elmer is not similarly afflicted. “Oh, sorry about that, We’ll leave right away!”

The red figure continues, “By the way, what are you doing? It looks like you’re injured…”

Avoiding the corpses on the floor, the red monster that for whatever reason is speaking like a conductor approaches Upham and Elmer, and Upham wonders what to do if this is the person who killed the other black suits? What if he realizes that Upham is with them? He starts panicking, thinking he’ll be killed if he doesn’t jump off the train–

and that’s when a knife stabs through the wall of the cabin and nicks the red figure’s ear. This is Chane climbing up the car using her knives, and Upham recognizes the blades. Clair is puzzled by this, but in any case, he turns on the “all’s good” lamp and excuses himself to the roof.

Upham wonders if/wishes that that was a hallucination, but Elmer’s just as puzzled by it as he is. Anyway Elmer gives up on figuring out who the red guy is and decides to head back to check on the dining car; he asks Upham what he plans to do, and without thinking Upham replies that he’ll go back to the freight car. He doesn’t have a plan for what he’s gonna do in the freight car, but at least that way he won’t have to be around Elmer anymore.

“I see! Then I’m off. See you later, if our paths cross!”

Just before Elmer leaves, Upham manages to say, “Oh, er… thank you.”

“Hm? What for?”

“Oh… never mind.”

Apparently Elmer has forgotten that he saved Upham’s life–but Upham realizes that that’s basically how Elmer is. He sees Elmer off and watches as that “abnormality” leaves his life.

And he realizes that he’s a coward. Faced with those two Immortals, he realizes that he does not want to be a part of that. He doesn’t know if he could stay sane, living eternally with the knowledge that there are people like Elmer in the world. He’d rather die as himself, as a human.

But if he thinks of them as characters in a world he has no connection to–then, they seem a little cool. He thinks back on the delightful young man who’d been called a “smile junkie” and smiles a bit. But unfortunately, Elmer’s not around to see his smile. Upham could try to catch up to him, but if he had to look Elmer in the eye and acknowledge that they exist in the same world, he may not be able to hold onto his smile.

Clutching his aching shoulder, Upham returns to the freight car and tries to figure out what to do next. He could jump into the river and escape, or sit and wait for the police to arrest him, or stage a huge turnabout by gathering his remaining comrades–he may have many options, or maybe none of them are truly open to him anymore. But he wants to choose something and take hold of it with his own two hands.

He thinks of Chane for a second, but he’s sure that she, like Fermet and Elmer, is on the “other side.” He doesn’t have the courage to stand on the same side as her–someone from that side will have to protect her. He cries a little, ashamed at his inability to do anything, or in pain from his shoulder. 

They’ll reach New York soon. Upham stands, resolving to take a single step–whether towards escape or towards the future, he’s going to move forward one step at a time until he reaches a fork in the path.

He thinks of the smile junkie who has to keep making such decisions for eternity, and pities and envies him. And then, he chooses—-

How I feel about this scene

ok let’s talk about the thing that isn’t true first: Elmer did not have a girlfriend. But this came out before 1710 and 1711 did and I feel pretty safe in assuming that this line refers to a planned romance between him and Niki.

Fascinating?!!

There’s actually a line in 1711 where Niki considers that the way she was a few years ago, she may have been a good match for Elmer, but she’s changed to the point that it wouldn’t work out anymore. Because she fell in love with Fermet instead. T_T I am really curious as to when in the writing process the plan changed. I get the feeling that, for instance, the fishing scene towards the end of 1711 was basically set in stone before the plan changed–bcoz look it’s very sweet of Huey to almost get angry at Fermet for killing(ish) Niki, but they only had two on-screen scenes together and while Niki appears to continue to be aware of Huey and Monica, that all comes out through her conversations with Elmer, and I actually find it easier to believe that he would be almost-angry for Elmer’s sake and anyway the parallels and ughh, that would have been amazing, I wonder why it changed. Like was Narita like “ooooh, you know what would be even worse” or was he like “oh no. that’s–that’s a terrible idea, shit, now I have to do it.” (More on this here.)

A good thing: omg, I’m actually really fond of Elmer protecting Upham from Fermet, with the whole “I do not recommend you introduce yourself” thing. Like, this never occurred to me, but of course he would know that Fermet has a nasty habit of robbing people of their smiles. And while he doesn’t resent Fermet for that (not least because it makes him so happy, one is forced to assume), he doesn’t prioritize Fermet’s smile over anyone else’s, so as a matter of pure strategy, it’s better for people to stay away from Fermet.

…That, uh, plan of his, though. Leaving aside that such a person should probably be brought to a therapist rather than to Fermet, it’s better than an unconsenting victim, I suppose, but (a) I don’t think Fermet is interested in a consenting victim and (b) even if he were, I have a hard time believing such consent would persist. Though I guess that if said victim wasn’t able to be happy anymore, Elmer would probably be happy to eat them, right. In any case I do not think it would effectively “contain” Fermet. 

(&maa, I doubt this is the endgame answer for Fermet anyway, simply because it hasn’t shown up in the novels and this is frankly supplementary material.)

A bad thing: wow, that’s a helluva homophobic rant from Fermet. Dude he was not even remotely flirting with you?? I can understand that you hate him, so if you accidentally think of him and sex in the same thought that’s probably unpleasant, but seriously, that’s not his fault, he was not flirting with you.

Regarding the matter of whether Fermet or Elmer is scarier …Man, characters who have actually met both all seem to agree that Elmer’s the creepier one but I still just cannot agree.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“That’s taking the suspension of disbelief too far!

“A devil or something switched out the cars, okay? Let’s go with that. You know, like, ‘Well, no matter.’”

How to get there

Okay, so, late in Local Train Episode, when Jacuzzi hears Nice’s bombs from the dining car. Say that they’re definitely Nice’s doing, and somehow that leads to this.

What happens

…(stunned sigh)

Jacuzzi says they’re definitely Nice’s bombs–he can tell them apart by sound alone. The rest of the conversation with Jon and Fan plays out basically normally, until Jacuzzi leaves; then Jon remarks that he sees the aura of two dragons on his back; has the tiger awakened?

Oh, for the innocent time when I thought that was the weirdest this was gonna get.

Jacuzzi arrives in the first class car, only to find that all the black suits there have been… defeated?? By a tall white dude (as tall as Donny) with a mohawk. Turns out his name is Joe and he, another man who’s wearing a mask (white, with brightly-colored dragons on it), “and the rest” were hired by Turner (fuck Turner) to do… you know I don’t remember what the original plan was, but anyway he’s glad he’s got them now. It was completely worth it to spend all that money putting the train cars together for them.

Turner has captured Nice and apparently he likes girls with scars, and he’s going ahead to have some fun with her. This is when Jacuzzi objects, and Turner is less than impressed with him. He and the masked dude–whose hair, I should mention, is suspiciously similar to Jacuzzi’s (though this isn’t remarked on)–go ahead to the first first-class car, leaving Joe to dispose of Jacuzzi.

But just when all seems lost, in comes… the cook! The cook is really a come-from-behind character in this game, for whatever reason. Anyway, he’s heavily scarred and actually Jacuzzi doesn’t realize he’s the cook until after he’s kicked Joe’s ass, but that doesn’t take long. He then explains that the people that Turner has hired all belong to a secret, elite organization of fighters called the Money Dragon who have affected history from the shadows for centuries. How does the cook–Gregoir–know this? Why, he was a member once! And for that reason, he’s not willing to help Jacuzzi fight the rest and save Nice. He defeated Joe, yes, but that made him realize he just couldn’t do it. However, he’s willing to help Jacuzzi out. Normally, the fighting techniques of the Money Dragon take at least a decade to learn, but he knows this acupuncture technique that will prep Jacuzzi in a matter of minutes! And he will accomplish it… with this fish knife!

Somehow, the acupuncture doesn’t hurt or even make Jacuzzi bleed at all, though Gregoir warns him that it will hurt like the dickens in about twenty minutes. He’d better take out the rest of the Money Dragon before then! 

There’s a title card of sorts then: Jacuzzi Splot in Brave of Death. The mistranslation is, I think, deliberate. It’s written in Japanese with four kanji, meaning “death game.”

So Jacuzzi readies the machine gun he brought and heads into the next car. …Somehow there are more first-class cabins than there should be? But in any case, the next car looks… weird. It’s empty and white, and there are no cabins in it, just a long hallway. Oh, also, a guy in a suit wielding a katana, who shows up behind Jacuzzi after he enters. His name is Togo Kon’uemon (…well, Kon [something] emon, at least, but I can’t remember how that second kanji was read; and yes, that's Togo as in Denkuro's last name.), and he is raring for a fight. He corners Jacuzzi against the far wall of the car and slices the machine gun in half. …At which point, Jacuzzi realizes that wait, he doesn’t have to fight his way through, he’s already through. He just opens the door and proceeds to the next car. Togo shouts after him, but Jacuzzi is already done with him.

The next cabin… looks like a Wild West saloon, full of cowboys. Also, Jon is behind the bar. He was dragged there via a secret passage. (Jacuzzi would like to know where one keeps a secret passage on a train?!) A cowboy-looking guy named Gary at the bar tells Jacuzzi to head on home, kid, they don’t serve milk here. No one threatens Jacuzzi here, though, for two reasons: they don’t fight empty-handed opponents, and they don’t fight women or children. Jacuzzi is clearly an empty-handed kid. Just then, Togo bursts into the room, still raring to fight Jacuzzi. But guess what. He’s armed and he’s not a kid. All of the cowboys in the bar aim their guns at him and spout the kind of lines that make you die after you say them in a movie, and Jacuzzi and Jon make their escape while the samurai and the cowboys face off against each other. 

Next cabin. It’s decorated in an ostentatiously Chinese manner. The master of this room is Nancy, a childish-looking woman with blonde hair, blue eyes, a cheerful face, and a surprisingly short and close-fitting qipao. She introduces herself as the Chinese kunoichi! She uses emotional manipulation to get her targets to trust her and then assassinates them. But Jacuzzi is already thoroughly on his guard–not just because of what he’s been through so far tonight, but because he’s just generally on edge. He starts begging her to settle this peacefully (a la his words exchanged with the Russo goons the night before), and she starts wondering if he’s trying to manipulate her. When Jacuzzi blushes and tears up, she is stunned–why does her chest hurt? Why’s it suddenly so hard to breathe?? Jon cuts in with an explanation: Jacuzzi’s eyes contain an impossibly strong demon, and even though it’s sealed, he can still use some of its magic! Jacuzzi is convinced that Jon has lost his mind, but Nancy believes the story. She opens a window and escapes out of it like a cat after telling Jacuzzi one last thing: he’s not allowed to die before she kills him!

Jon is amazed that Jacuzzi doesn’t know what kind of effect his crying has on women.

At last: the final car. This one looks like a high-class restaurant. Jacuzzi gets there just in time to stop Turner from “getting to the good part,” as he puts it. (Fuck Turner.) But when Turner tries to sic the masked man–the Money Dragon’s boss–on Jacuzzi, the masked man instead turns on him! Apparently he’s actually in Beriam’s pay. He knocks Turner out for a bit and then turns towards Jacuzzi. At this point, Nice and Jacuzzi both think his voice sounds familiar somehow… And the masked man concludes that the voice alone probably isn’t enough for them to figure it out. He takes the mask off…

To reveal someone who looks exactly like Jacuzzi.

It’s Blaise, Jacuzzi’s younger brother! Whom no one has ever heard of until now! Who fell out of a tower in Arizona a while back but was saved by a wandering man from the desert and then trained with Money Dragon and is now doing this in order to win Nice’s heart. He always beat Jacuzzi in everything–in intelligence, in physical ability… in everything but Nice’s affections!

Jon has a few protests. One, why hasn’t Jacuzzi’s brother been foreshadowed before? That doesn’t make for a very good story. Two, can’t Blaise let Jacuzzi have this one thing? If Jacuzzi has nothing, that’s kind of sad. Also, Jacuzzi is so glad to see him again! He’s so glad he’s not dead! Nice breaks in, explaining why she loves Jacuzzi, and at being gently spoken to by all of Team Jacuzzi, Blaise suddenly switches tactics: he tries to claim that he is a fake Jacuzzi! It achieves nothing. 

At some point Fan comes in. How did he get through the other cars? Well, this weird monster appeared and is making all of Money Dragon sit up straight and apologize for what they’ve done. Then the pain from Gregoir’s acupuncture hits Jacuzzi. Then Turner wakes up and is more formidable than expected, he like throws fake cards at Jacuzzi, Nancy comes in and both Nice and Nancy beg Jacuzzi to hang in there, and then the car explodes and blows everyone sky-high?

The end.

Or so you hoped, right?

There’s one last thing to take care of. Once they pull into Pennsylvania Station, Jacuzzi is wrapped up like a mummy. But Nice and Nancy are both hanging over him, glaring.

The end.

(I don’t recall if it says what happened to Blaise, and clearly, I've never cared enough to go back and check.)

Implications/non-mook deaths

Most of the night went normally (well, canon-ly; there’s nothing normal about the Flying Pussyfoot), so I wonder what happened to Goose in this world. …That’s really all I can bring myself to wonder, I don’t even want to go into it in more depth.

How I feel about this ending

What did I or my ancestors do to deserve this? I repent of it, whatever it was. I repent wholeheartedly. No more of this. Thank you.

Chapter Text

Ending 5: The Special Quiz Episode (good end)

Firo's commentary

“Isn’t this gonna piss people off?”

Ending 6: I HATE quizzes

Firo's commentary

“Isn’t this gonna piss people off? …Wait, does this guy know that?”

How to get there

As the young conductor telling ghost stories, choose to tell the story of the “Special Quiz”!

What happens

So, choosing that toggles you into an alternate universe where there’s this secret society that runs and participates in high-stakes trivia quizzes, and this time, the biggest quiz of the year is set to happen on the Flying Pussyfoot. Claire is set up to be the Quiz Master, and hey, the other conductor is a member of this secret society, too! (I feel like the “password” used to recognize each other is a warped version of the words used to summon Ronnie, but don’t quote me on that just yet.)

So it cuts to the dining car, where Jacuzzi, Isaac, and Miria are talking. (This is before Czes joins the conversation.) When Isaac claims that when you eat the meat of an herbivore, it’s like eating meat AND vegetables… there’s a loud “Bzt!” from just outside the cabin, and Claire comes in and corrects him, and the Special Quiz Game begins!! And everyone’s in on it. Everyone… but Jacuzzi, who is extremely confused, but Nice assures him that there’s nothing to be afraid of.

Claire explains the rules of the game, which I will mention as they become relevant, and starts the game with the catchphrase, “Who’s ready to go to New York?!” 

And he asks the first question: This year is a leap year: true or false? (Hey presto, I now know the Japanese word for “leap year.”) “Trues” go to first class, “Falses” to second!

The answer is “false”–1931 was not a leap year–so I went with true first. Jacuzzi meets Vicky in the first class car. Vicky doesn’t know what a leap year is, but he trusts his luck and intuition, and besides, he’s got “these,” he explains, and pats his pockets. Claire comes in and tells them that they’re wrong, oh and by the way, if this year had been 2008, it would have been a leap year. Jacuzzi doesn’t understand why a date from the next century is relevant; someone on this side of the–suddenly rather flimsy–fourth wall might note that this game came out in 2008. In any case. Everyone who answered incorrectly must drop out of the game–but there’s no penalty game for the first round.

Vicky, however, doesn’t want to stop playing. He tries to threaten Claire with his guns, which as you might expect gets him exactly nowhere. Well, it gets him a penalty. The penalty is to have his arms ground off to the elbow against the train tracks. That is what it gets him.

Anyway, failing a question at any point gets you to ending 6. But you’re still trapped in Quiz World. (Presumably, you can escape from Quiz World at any time by going back to the original choice and choosing a different ghost story, but then you’d have to play all this shit again.)

If you do answer correctly and go to the second-class car instead, Jacuzzi and Nice have to wait a little while, and while they’re waiting they hear unearthly screams coming from outside the train. Also when Claire does show up he’s kinda bloody. (Though his sprite does not switch to the Rail Tracer completely-covered-in-blood one.) Anyway, he still makes the point about 2008 being a leap year, and then introduces the next question: “The enormous stock market crash of two years ago happened on a Monday, so that day is known as Black Monday. True or false?” 

Jacuzzi’s still our POV character, and whether you get the question right or not, the game makes the point that delinquents like him & his crew have nothing to do with the stock market. (Turner, on the other hand, has a great deal to say about that day.) The truth is, though, that the 1929 crash was on Black Tuesday; Black Monday happens in 1987, Claire helpfully informs the quiz-takers. Claire. Claire stop that.

There’s one more question in round one: “The order of planets by distance from the sun is Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto: True or False?” 

At this point, I’d decided not to go check the incorrect answers until the penalty games kicked in, so I don’t know if anything funny happens if you get it wrong, but when you get it right, Claire sure does mention that Pluto is demoted to dwarf planet in 2008. Claire what did I just say.

After that, it’s on to round two. Starting from here, failing a question will result in a PENALTY GAME. Jacuzzi is concerned. Nice assures him that it’s against the rules to up a penalty game that kills people, generally, and second-round penalty games are generally pretty mild. And Claire joins them then, and says “Don’t worry. I’d never create a penalty game that would kill me.” Though Jacuzzi suspects that what would kill Claire and what would kill most people are two entirely different things. Jacuzzi is, in any case, correct.

Round two is kind of a scavenger hunt: the questions are hidden in envelopes somewhere within the cabins. The task is to find an envelope–only one, mind–and bring it to Claire up on the roof of the fuel car. Stockpiling envelopes and opening the envelopes on one’s own are both strictly forbidden. And only five people will progress to the next round! I chose to search the first-class car–the closest–and found one behind a clock. The question was what number president Woodrow Wilson was. I got it wrong at first so I could see the penalty game: those who answer incorrectly are told to gather at the caboose. The penalty game is that they must WALK! Claire detaches the caboose and once it slows to a stop, they are to walk to the nearest station. Claire assures them that the nearest station is quite close. Only fifty miles!

On the other hand, if you get it right, you’re told that you’re the second person to qualify for the next round. The other person who’s qualified so far is Isaac. …And Miria! Miria is Isaac’s cheer section, which is permitted provided that she is willing to accept any penalty games alongside him.

The other three people wind up being Chane, Ladd, and… Thomas. Well, a young man who very fortunately for himself already introduced himself to Jacuzzi as Thomas. Apparently going “Oh, right, Thomas, that’s me” is permitted even in the presence of other Immortals.

Chane was disqualified at one point, but let back into the game after she caught a cheater. The cheater was made shorter.

Incidentally, if Jacuzzi wins, he’s only going to be the second newbie in Special Quiz history to win!!

The questions for round three are answered individually, once again by moving to a given cabin. The cabins for the wrong answers have been converted into penalty games for this round. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how the penalty game works, not because I was tired of going to check the wrong answers, but because I er didn’t know some of the Japanese words in the question and did not bother to look them up before I just picked an answer. The answer I chose happened to be correct. It was about Prohibition. Somehow.

Anyway, it turns out that only he and Isaac got their round three questions right, so it’s time for the FINAL ROUND. Which happens once they reach New York, on top of the EMPIRE STATE BUILDING. It’s a rapid-fire round–Jacuzzi and Isaac each have a buzzer, and only the person who buzzes in first gets to answer, first person to ten points wins. Jacuzzi finds himself hard-pressed, not only because Isaac is more familiar with the game, but also because Isaac has a lot of absurdly random knowledge. But, when Isaac doesn’t know something, he knows he doesn’t know it, so in those cases Jacuzzi has plenty of time to think. Eventually they wind up at a 9-9 tie, and the question is what is the last state added to the US. Isaac doesn’t seem to know this one, so Jacuzzi buzzes in and gives–well, I’m sure the wrong answer is an option, but I gave the right one: Arizona. (Though I am kind of curious about what they’d say if you said Alaska, which was one of the options. Like “wtf is an Alaska.” Or Nippon-shu…)

AND JACUZZI WINS!

He gets FIVE MILLION DOLLARS! And a YEAR’S SUPPLY OF STEW! THE COOK WILL COME LIVE WITH HIM AND MAKE HIM STEW ALL THE TIME! Jacuzzi asks if this is a penalty game. Claire answers that no, it’s just a normal bonus prize, but the bonus prizes are generally pretty goofy.

Isaac and Miria are happy for him from the bottom of their hearts, and Jacuzzi thinks of buying Nice some fancy clothes (though the narration points out that she’d probably prefer bombs), THE END.

How I feel about this ending

Honestly my first reaction was one of abject horror, but that's mainly because I played it before Brave of Death. Compared to Brave of Death, this is practically balmy. ...I still don't like it, but it's more. grounded? at least.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“It may seem irrational at first glance, but there’s a reason this happened. Well, it’s still irrational that it happened to Jacuzzi, though.”

How to get there

As Jacuzzi, pat Czes on the head when he runs into you in the dining car instead of just accepting his apology. (This is not actually advice, do not do this thing)

What happens

Well, at first Czes slaps Jacuzzi’s hand away, of course, though he seems to calm down a little when Jacuzzi assures Czes he wasn’t going to hit him. But after Czes introduces himself, and Nice pats him on the head in the course of the conversation, Czes is looking pretty sick with fear and Jacuzzi reaches out to check his forehead for a fever. Czes pulls back, wonders if he’s getting motion sickness from the train (“It’s the first time I’ve been on such a long journey” uh huh sure), and says he’s going to the bathroom. He doesn’t come back for ten minutes, and Jacuzzi goes to look for him–only to be clobbered over the head and then thrown off the train by a ~mysterious assailant~.

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, that’s Jacuzzi dead. I don’t know whether Czes will consider him the only immortal or still try to get everyone from the dining car killed to check for others. ……probably the latter, huh.

How I feel about this ending

Yeah I saw that coming as soon as it offered me the chance to pat Czes’s head. yikes.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Oh come on, Jacuzzi’s a bootlegger, remember? He wouldn’t do this.”

How to get there

When Czes barrels into Jacuzzi in the dining car, choose to lecture him.

What happens

Jacuzzi suddenly notices that all of Czes’s smiles are the same–there’s no variation to them. And at that, he becomes suspicious. He asks Czes who he really is–so Czes introduces himself, and is of course still quite alarmed when his real name comes out, but he tries to act normal. No dice. Jacuzzi starts chiding him about being a good kid rather than deceiving people, or else he’ll grow up to be a bad person. (Going by the sprite, Czes looks quite troubled at this.)

As he’s lecturing, who should barge in but Vicky and the black suits? Jacuzzi points them out to Czes as examples of the very people he does not want to grow up to be. The black suits remind him that they said to get on the floor, but Jacuzzi is in the middle of something important, thank you very much! They further threaten him, and Jacuzzi asks Donny to shut them up so he can continue. Donny does so. Jacuzzi does so.

When Ladd bursts in, Jacuzzi does not hesitate. He marches right up to this new interloper, drags him over to the counter, and sits him down. Now, normally Ladd would resist something like this, but there’s something about this kid. He almost seems to be… shining.

Jacuzzi resumes his sermon, and continues for long into the night…

The next morning, the Flying Pussyfoot arrives on time with nothing unusual having happened overnight. But as the passengers emerge onto the platform, they form a ring around Jacuzzi. He’s glowing even more brightly now. Ladd, Czes, and Goose all apologize for their violent, selfish actions, and Isaac and Miria make a pun about Buddhism.

Implications/non-mook body count

Apparently the train is just fine, all thanks to Jacuzzi’s sudden Buddha powers. Bodhisattva powers? I have no idea. What happens to Claire, then? …Does he get sermonized at, too? Or does he see that Jacuzzi has the situation under control.

How I feel about this ending

I think this would be really fun for someone who knows more about Buddhism than I do to translate. I got nothin for ya.

Though, I had high hopes for a moment that this would be a semi-reasonable ending. …I admit that was foolish of me.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“How should I put this… Don’t look at me if we get sued. By everyone.”

How to get there

As the young conductor, choose to tell the story of… The Stinger-Finger Bee Man!!

What happens

As it turns out, the older conductor already knows the story of the Stinger-Finger Bee Man: It’s one of those “chant his name five times in front of a mirror” ones, right? The young conductor is disappointed that he can’t tell his story, but instead suggests that they try it. Conveniently, there is a heretofore unmentioned full-length mirror in the very caboose itself! Actually, the young conductor has always wanted to try but kept chickening out when he’s on his own. But with the older conductor with him–

But the older conductor has to go light the signal lamp. He does so. When he steps back inside the caboose, though–it’s empty? And there’s not really anywhere to hide. But he notices that the door to the back of the train is slightly open, so he steps outside for a moment. –No, still nothing.

And as he steps back inside, he hears… the sound of buzzing.

Like the sound of insects’ wings.

And he feels stingers wrap around his neck like fingers.

The Flying Pussyfooot……. never made it to New York.

Implications/non-mook body count

So… the young conductor isn’t Claire here, either, then?

How I feel about this ending

the ones after the bonus chapter are all gonna be crack, aren’t they.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Don’t you think that Jacuzzi kid is a little more active than that?”

How to get there

Upon hearing that the young conductor knows how to keep the Rail Tracer from coming, you’re given a choice of three options; choose to turn to Nice to comfort.

What happens

Fearing that the Rail Tracer might get him on the way to the caboose, Jacuzzi elects to wait in the dining car until the conductor makes his rounds and keeps an eye on the door from the second-class cabin. Shortly, the door opens, and in walks someone dressed in white–whom Jacuzzi mistakes for the conductor and runs up to him, begging for his help. It is actually Vicky of the Russos/white suits. He promptly decides that “You can be first” and shoots Jacuzzi in the stomach as the beginning of his assault on the dining car.

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, Jacuzzi’s dead again.

How I feel about this ending

“It was then that tou realized that this was going to be an exhausting exercise in creating a long list of ways for Jacuzzi to die.” The icon on the 3DS screen is Jacuzzi’s face as well, come to think of it, and now I remember hearing that he’s the primary POV character. This is kind of mentally taxing, actually, knowing that as soon as I make some kind of non-canon choice, terrible things are going to start happening, and quickly. Kind of like I said about ending 11, if you’ve become complacent about the Flying Pussyfoot because everything basically works out in the end, playing this game will kick that complacency in the nuts real quick. I was extremely tempted to go along with the sweet embrace–or at least the known embrace–of canon this time. Maa, I’m sure I will be soon enough.

Also, shut up Firo, you haven’t even met Jacuzzi at this point.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“So wait, how does the story of the ticket to disaster end? C’mon, don’t tell stories if you don’t know the ending.”

How to get there

You’re given a choice of what ghost story the young conductor tells. Choose “A ticket to tragedy” instead of “The Rail Tracer.”

What happens

The young conductor and Isaac both tell the story of a rail company that sent out free tickets to drum up business. They then called up the housewives of the people who received the free tickets to solicit their opinions. However, nine out of ten of the housewives said–

–which is where the Lemures conductor cuts the young conductor off, and where Isaac forgets where he was going with this. Rather than Jon encouraging Jacuzzi to go ask the young conductor what happens next and sending him careening out of the dining car, Isaac asks Natalie Beriam what she thinks the families said. She supposes that they expressed their gratitude; Isaac concludes that the “tragedy” apparently refers to the sad people who didn’t accept the free tickets and get to enjoy such a pleasant journey.

This is when the Lemures (only them, at first) burst into the dining car and order everyone onto the floor. A minute later, Dune bursts in, followed shortly by Ladd. They shoot the Lemures. Everyone in the dining car who’s not immortal or who didn’t escape dies. By the end of the night, the white suits control the train.

Implications/non-mook body count

My guess is that by choosing to not have the young conductor tell the story of the Rail Tracer, the young conductor, well, isn’t the Rail Tracer (aka Claire) but just an ordinary person. So he’s dead, presumably, and Dune must’ve caught the Lemures conductor by surprise and killed him, giving the white suits an advantage.

Team Jacuzzi was still in the dining car, so Jacuzzi, Nice, Donny (?), Jon, and Fan are dead. Natalie and Mary Beriam are dead. It’s implied that Rachel (and the cook) still managed her immediate escape. I find it extremely difficult to believe that Czes would not eat Isaac and Miria as they regenerate. Yikes.

How I feel about this ending

Mixture of “HOLY SHIT” and being really glad that I didn’t go for the canon course of action right away, because that was a good way to knock into my head the idea that the Flying Pussyfoot was terrifying, remember??

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Apparently, Ladd generally avoids buckshot and machine guns and the like because he doesn’t like stuff like this.

“More importantly, he’s not the kind of guy who just sits around and waits. Try again with that in mind.”

How to get there

Playing as Ladd at this point; when Lua suggests following Vicky into the dining car, choose to stay in the passenger room instead.

What happens

Ladd moans that he doesn’t want to follow Vicky because he might get so jealous that he kills Vicky by accident (and Lua says he should do whatever he wants), and then he might get carried away and kill men and women and children and cats and dogs and a long list of other animals that I can’t reproduce off the top of my head, and anyway that’s when a black suit barges in and–is promptly punched out by Ladd.

He realizes that there are more black suits in the hall and has the other white suit in the room pretend to be holding him up with the fallen black suit’s machine gun in order to draw them closer. He takes out one with a quick punch or two (please note that the game is very fond of making “squish” and “crunch” noises at these points); but the other white suit, who wasn’t fully up on the plan, only barely manages to stop the other black suit from shooting him. As black suit #2 pulls the trigger, white suit #2 kicks the aim out of the way so that the bullets shoot harmlessly…

…Or not, because when Ladd turns to tell Lua that he’s gonna go check out the dining car after all, it turns out she’s been shot. She dies in his arms. “Losing her, Ladd realized for the first time how much Lua meant to him. How much he’d wanted to kill her. But now he’d never be able to.”

Implications/non-mook body count

Lua’s dead?! I have no idea how that’s gonna affect the rest of Ladd’s night but I’m especially glad I’m not on that version of the Flying Pussyfoot.

How I feel about this ending

NO?!! omg, why would you kill Lua. That’s terrible. Also…? I’m a little curious about Firo’s comment about buckshot and machine guns? Is that something about Leyla…

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Well, it’s a ‘good end’ for the normal passengers, right?”

How to get there

You can get here from two different choices, one on the original playthrough and one after you've completed the bonus chapter. Upon hearing that the young conductor knows how to keep the Rail Tracer from coming, have Jacuzzi run towards the first class cabins. Alternately, once the hidden IF paths open up, choose the most out-of-character choice of all: calm down and think about this reasonably.

What happens

Jacuzzi meant to run towards the caboose but went in the wrong direction… Nice follows after him. Jacuzzi doesn’t run afoul of the black suits, per se, but they’re concerned about what he was muttering to himself and resolve to capture him eventually…

Alternately, Jacuzzi takes a few deep breaths to stabilize himself and Nice tries to convince him that he’s overreacting to a fairy tale. But Jacuzzi looks for support in his belief, and Isaac, Miria, and Mary all believe it. That’s when Jon remembers: the way to avoid the Rail Tracer is to believe this story. (Isaac and Miria conclude that that’s why they’ve never seen a Rail Tracer!) Conversation resumes…

The two alternate paths rejoin here. Events proceed up to the showdown in the dining car fairly normally, except that Nick hasn’t been sent in. But as Ladd enters the car, something strange happens: all the lights go out. He still manages to take out one of the black suits. But he doesn’t hear any bodies hit the floor… and he senses another presence above him. He looks up and sees some kind of red monster, and–

–in a few moments, the lights come back on. The panicked passengers try to figure out what happened, but there are no hints to be found. The white suits and the black suits, even Vicky’s corpse–they’re all gone…

Implications/non-mook body count

Shit, Claire just killed Ladd. Welp. I don’t really know what happens after that–the white suits probably aren’t as much of a risk without Ladd at their head, but the Lemures can probably still move decently. I mean, not well enough to avoid Claire’s wrath, but they’ll probably terrorize the passengers a little longer.

How I feel about this ending

At first I’d thought that maybe Jacuzzi would run afoul of the black suits just as he had of Vicky when I chose to run towards first class. Finding that to be not true, I had just settled in for a rather long exploration of what happens when Jacuzzi runs in the wrong direction, then all of a sudden CLAIRE. It’s quite eerily done, too; the game throws some heartbeats at you. My opinion of this ending is basically o_o;.

But Firo’s right, it’s a good ending for the passengers. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Definitely the worst ending for that Mary girl. That said, I’m guessing a certain Rail Tracer will make sure this Goose fellow loses both hands at the wrists within a few days.”

How to get there

When Lua suggests following Vicky to the dining car, Ladd decides to check out what’s going on in the hall, at least.

What happens

When Ladd steps out into the hall, he still is run into by and recognizes Jacuzzi. But since he hasn’t resolved to check out the dining car, he instead decides to follow Jacuzzi towards the back of the train. Cut to the dining car for the three-way showdown, which happens as in canon, but of course Ladd doesn’t show up. Instead, the black suits gain control of the car, and this is when we learn that Jacuzzi and Nice have been captured. They saw a red monster in the caboose and detached it in order to stop the Rail Tracer. (No idea what happened to Ladd in the meantime?) Goose is troubled by their detaching of the caboose, but he orders the black suits to seize the engine room and defeat the white suits. In short order, the black suits control the train, and the deal with the senator goes off smoothly. They don’t even have to kill Mary–they just cut off her fingers one by one, and just before the eighth finger, Beriam surrenders, and the Flying Pussyfoot incident ends with victory for the cold-blooded terrorists…

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, all the white suits including Ladd and Lua are down. Apparently detaching the caboose did in fact kick Clair off the train successfully. Well, “successfully”–losing Claire seems to guarantee success for one of the two factions, which is bad. Mary is now missing 7/10 fingers, and Beriam actually did something… kind of sympathetic?

Also Huey’s not going to prison. I mean I know it didn’t handicap him enormously to be in Alcatraz, but I feel like that should at least be mentioned.

How I feel about this ending

POOR MARY. What happened to Ladd. gad. This one’s terrible. Poor Mary.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“That’s the kind of person Ladd is.”

How to get there

Playing as Ladd; there are three black suits in the dining car when he arrives. He takes one out, and one runs. Choose to follow him immediately for this ending.

What happens

He shoots the black suit who remains in the room instead of boxing him to death just for the record, then follows the escaping black suit outside. Catching up with him, he promises that he’ll give him a quick death if he answers all of Ladd’s questions. So he does, and closes his eyes as Ladd raises his pistol and shoots, but into the air? Because yeah, he’s gonna kill the black suit quick… when he actually kills him. But he messes with the black suit for about ten more minutes, to the point he’s begging Ladd to just do it already.

After finally killing the black suit, Ladd returns to the dining car. Some other white suits have joined him there, and they take the train shortly.

Implications/non-mook body count

There are actually no non-mook deaths in this one. Well, Vicky. But he’s basically a mook. What I want to know is how they take the train–where’s Claire in all of this?

How I feel about this ending

This one… kind of bored me, actually? I mean, that’s a pretty dreadful thing to do to that black suit, but on the other hand, he’s a black suit, sooo… Seriously though, where is Claire. They shouldn’t be able to take the train. (Did Jacuzzi still manage to detach the caboose?)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“You might be able to learn more about who this cook is if you play through the rest of the story.”

How to get there

Ladd in the dining car: once the injured black suit escapes, ponder whether or not to chase after him.

What happens

Ladd lets go of the black suit he was using as a shield (this is the one he punches to death in canon) and wonders out loud whether he should chase after the one who escaped. The one still in the room does not care at all. He tries to crawl away from Ladd, staying out of his line of vision, but Ladd notices. The black suit is forced to change course: he vaults over the bar and hides there. Ladd shoots in that direction, which is also the direction of the kitchen. Just as he goes to see if he hit the guy, the black suit flies at him in midair. He was thrown. And Ladd feels someone grip the back of his neck and press him into the floor.

It’s the cook. The cook who takes enormous pride in having never wasted food even once in his life since he became a cook, but Ladd’s machine gun just shot holes in the stew pot, and half of it spilled onto the floor! Ladd apologizes, with gradually increasing sincerity as he realizes how strong the cook is. He wants to at least turn his head and see who the hell this guy is, but he’s too strong. The cook lifts Ladd up and throws him off the train, and Ladd doesn’t even brace for impact–he twists his body to try to achieve something else, and he winds up breaking pretty much every bone in his body upon hitting the ground. His final thought: Goddamnit, I should have braced for impact. It was too dark to even see the cook’s face!

Implications/non-mook body count

Ladd is dead. The stew is gone.

How I feel about this ending

This cook is kind of formidable across endings and I’m wondering if that’s canon.

If it matters. I suppose it probably doesn’t.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Ladd will use machine guns if he’s surrounded by enemies, though. Not that it matters.”

How to get there

Choose to chase the escaping black suit after boxing the black suit who stays in the cabin.

What happens

Boxing the one black suit goes as in canon, but Ladd heads towards first class rather than the rest of the white suits showing up. After he’s left, Turner is a racist ass and gets thrown out of the dining car for it.

In the first class cabin, Goose and Spike are wondering if the white suits are a trial. They turn away from the door and from Chane–and so don’t see her realize that something is coming. Ladd shoots into the room with the machine gun, killing Goose, Spike, and the other black suits, but Chane manages to avoid it by taking cover behind the other black suits. Ladd babbles on about being Santa Claus, come a week late to give them their gift of bullets, but Chane doesn’t let him finish talking before chucking a knife at him. He blocks it with the mouth of the machine gun; she tries again; he blocks again and she ducks behind the furniture just before he shoots up the room. He kills all the black suits in the room, but Chane escapes through the window.

Implications/non-mook body count

Bye-bye, Goose and Spike. Also, this is kind of… not an ending?? What happens next? Chane could take all the white suits probably. Between her and Claire, they could definitely take ‘em all.

How I feel about this ending

Like I said… it’s kind of not an ending. I was briefly concerned for Chane, so I’m glad she survives. That said, let’s not ignore that she actually ducked behind her colleagues-ish in order to not be shot. That’s uh, that’s not very nice Chane dear.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Whoa, whoa, isn’t this exactly what Isaac and Miria were talking about in ending 19? What a lech!”

How to get there

Choose to bring Natalie Beriam to second class.

What happens

Goose offers to “comfort” Natalie and starts getting handsy. Natalie, not knowing how else to respond, tries to protest but eventually has to follow him to second class. He searches for a room where they can be alone. “Ladies first,” he says, opening the door for her; she tries again to protest that she’s married. I do not care to recall Goose’s dialogue in return. He shoves her into the room and follows her in, but as soon as he enters the room he’s shot by a white suit. End.

Implications/non-mook body count

Go to hell, Goose. He’s dead. Natalie, presumably, winds up captured by the white suits. This is not intrinsically a safer place to be, I suppose. Ugh.

How I feel about this ending

NO. Disgusting upsetting gross. Not that Goose was ever high on my list of liked Baccano! characters but he just got dropped down to Gardi’s level.

…I mean. I’m not sure it’s particularly in-character for him, but still. Ughhh. Also I feel like this makes ending 19 less funny.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“And thus, the case was closed… wait, there’s no way this would happen! Everything that happens after Isaac and Miria show up is completely unbelievable!”

How to get there

Goose sits down to eat with Natalie Beriam.

What happens

Goose prepares a table and sits down to eat with Natalie and discuss her daughter. Jon brings them both wine. Goose asks Natalie why, if the white suits were looking for both of them and took Mary, she is still sitting here. Natalie said that someone protected her–the same person who just left the dining car to search for Mary: the man dressed like a gunman. (=Isaac.) She thinks her lie is safe–but then Isaac and Miria return, since Isaac had forgotten his hat. Goose asks him if he’s the “hero” who protected Natalie. “You bet! I’m a hero, alright! But since I’ve done wrong, I guess that makes me an antihero.” “That’s right! Isaac is Momotaro!” And Goose is like …okay, I guess she’s telling the truth.

At this point Isaac and Miria conclude that Goose is Natalie’s husband and apologize for interrupting. Goose points out that her husband is Senator Beriam, so… Isaac and Miria accuse him of trying to hit on her, instead. Which actually gets Goose slightly flustered, and the rest of the black suits play along. Eventually the whole cabin is watching as he reaches for Natalie and he winds up accused of assaulting her, and he’s like “why did this happen to meeee” and that’s the ending

Implications/non-mook body count

Okay, but, I wanted him to be poisoned. There are no implications or dead bodies here.

How I feel about this ending

It was REALLY INTENSE and then it got REALLY RIDICULOUS. I was actually holding my breath when he was asking about Mary, and when Isaac and Miria came in, and then… it got ridiculous. This ending is ridiculous. But Natalie Beriam is a stone-cold badass and I have a newfound respect for her. Give her a medal. Give her all the medals.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Ennis, help. I’m out of good comebacks.”

How to get there

As Goose, when deciding what to do about Natalie Beriam, ask her to dance.

What happens

Natalie is, at this point, crying, so Goose… drops to one knee and offers her a handkerchief. Natalie dries her eyes, and they gaze at each other for a second. Suddenly, background music starts playing. (No, really, that’s what the narration says.) Goose asks her to dance. Somehow, all the tables are gone as well, and she takes his hand and does dance with him, gazing at each other the whole time. Goose says that he has come to understand the meaning of his life: it was his destiny to fall in love with her. When the moody music stops, Natalie presses herself to him. “At this time, Natalie was neither a wife nor a mother; she was simply a woman newly fallen in love.”

When the train reaches the station the next morning, these two are nowhere to be found. Officially, it’s recorded that their lives were lost in the chaos of the night, but those in the dining car know: they left their old lives behind to start anew…

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, it specifically says that there’s still a lot of chaos on the train overnight, so I guess most of it… proceeds normally…

How I feel about this ending

What is with this game and GoosexNatalie? Who asked for this?? This may have just come off as excessively cracky if Goose hadn’t tried to rape her in ending 18. Since he tried to rape her in ending 18, I was completely unamused.

Also, game, listen to me and listen to me closely. The one other new option on this choice is “Forget the mother, it’s the daughter that matters!” It is of great importance that this means that he needs her as a hostage. It is absolutely imperative. Are we understanding each other? Good. Good talk.

(It turned out that if you choose that other option, he does make lecherous comments about Mary, but that doesn't even create an ending; just a moment of "awkwaaaaard" and the game... proceeds normally.)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Apparently the publisher, MediaWorks, decided that they were free to add some inside jokes here. …Wait, who was that?”

How to get there

When Miria asks what the name of Frankenstein’s monster is, answer “Bram Stoker.”

What happens

Isaac answers confidently that the name of the monster was Bram Stoker–properly speaking, Abraham Stoker! Miria is impressed with how much he knows. Just then, there is the sound of glass breaking, and something red bursts through the window. Isaac and Miria are both startled, and just as Isaac is trying to assure Miria that it was nothing (just a crow or something!), they notice red letters on the hallway wall. The letters exclaim that the two of them are too foolish to be borne, and that Bram Stoker is the name of the author who wrote Dracula and spread that image of vampires across the world, and also crows do not fly at night, they have night blindness.

Isaac investigates the red letters and finds them to be blood. Who could have written it–a vampire? An invisible man vampire? Miria screams–he’s going to suck her blood! They hold each other, shaking, and find a new set of bloodly letters, this time on the floor.

[While it is true that I am a vampire, I have no intention of sucking your blood. Or, to speak more accurately, I do not have the ability to do so. If you wish to know about me, the vampire known as Gerhardt von Waldstein, I encourage you to read the story called Vamp!. It is advertised as the story of the least vampiric vampire.]

Isaac and Miria are, at this point, convinced that there is indeed an invisible man vampire in the hallway with them, and they make a quick escape.

On the ceiling of the hallway, one last set of blood letters appears:

[Dear, dear, it seems that nothing will calm that couple down.]

Implications/non-mook body count

I got nothing for ya, I can’t even tell if they left the train or just the hallway.

How I feel about this ending

Behave yourself.

&I have read just enough Vamp! (untuned-strings’ translation of the first volume) to feel like there are people better-suited to offer opinions on this one than I am! People would would be filled with delight, as opposed to my wry facepalming! If this ending has not been translated, let me know, and I will translate it for the sake of those people. (…I’m guessing it has been, though, it’s pretty tiny.)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“This won’t be the last we see of Isaac. I’m sure we’ll see an Isaac II, and an Isaac III… Obviously this is ‘all a dream,’ but who’s dreaming this shit?”

How to get there

In the question of what Frankenstein’s monster’s name is, answer that you (Isaac) are the monster!

What happens

Well, that does. Isaac hesitates for a moment, and then explains that he’s been hiding it for a while, but the truth is–he’s Frankenstein’s monster! Miria had no idea! She thinks for a moment, and then concludes–does that mean that the monster’s name is Isaac? Isaac doesn’t answer. She asks again–still nothing, which is weird, because even when he’s dead asleep he usually sleep talks back at her. Then suddenly he turns around, and his face is an ashen gray–he looks just like Frankenstein’s monster! he shoves her away into a room, and she passes out for a few hours.

When she comes to, the train is stopped and everyone’s gone. She wanders through the train and finally finds Isaac sitting at the bar in the dining car, bemoaning the fact that Dr. Frankenstein didn’t give him a companion–artificial humans are not meant to be alone! Miria approaches him and asks if he means like a bride. He confirms–and she offers to be his bride! Like the Bride of Frankenstein! She’s a little scared of how he looks, but he’s still Isaac, after all. So he proposes to her on the spot and they decide to stay together from here on out.

Miria remembers her earlier question and asks it again–so what is the name of Frankenstein’s monster? It is, of course, Isaac!

Implications/non-mook body count

The train is stopped god-knows-where, I guess that matters somehow.

How I feel about this ending

Isaac and Miria are ridiculous enough that like, even though this isn’t canon and can’t happen in canon, it still feels completely real and delightful and I’m so happy they’re getting married. Congratulations to the happy couple.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“No no no, this is all wrong. First of all, it’s correct that the monster had no name, and Miria would never say something like this. But it’s true that Isaac is an idiot… aagh, it’s all messed up. Just do this over, alright?”

How to get there

When pressed by Miria to reveal the name of Frankenstein’s monster, answer that you can’t remember.

What happens

Isaac ponders for a moment and then admits that he’s forgotten the monster’s name! He’s lighthearted about it, but something in Miria… breaks. Something that seemed so important to her up until that moment, but now seems cheap and flimsy.

A moment later, Isaac pulls himself together–ah, that’s right! He can’t remember the name because the monster never had a name! But Miria isn’t taking that answer. She calls him an idiot and she can’t believe she never realized it before; she berates him for his stupidity and says she never wants to see him again. Isaac is understandably confused by this sudden turn of events. He embraces her shoulders and begs her to make up with him but she elbows him away and tells him never to come after her again. Isaac is never able to forget what it looks like to see her walk away from him.

Years later, in a dusty old bar somewhere in the US, Isaac is nursing a drink while an old man tries to comfort him (while calling him Anne?? Apparently he thinks Isaac is in drag??). Time soothes the pain of heartbreak, the old man assures him; someday, once he’s grown, Isaac (Anne?) will look back on this and be able to treasure the memory despite the pain he’s in now. Isaac says that’s hopeless–he just realized this recently, but he hasn’t been aging for a long time. And the old man realizes that it’s true that Isaac has been coming to this bar since the old man was a little kid…

Isaac turns back to his drink. To live forever without Miria is endless torture to him.

Implications/non-mook body count

I don’t know. I can’t even bear to think about it.

How I feel about this ending

We did it, guys, we found it. The worst ending in the entire world. Worse than “Brave of Death,” worse than “Czes, why?”, it’s this one. This one is the worst. I was completely wrong about this, the worst ending is 58. This is still very D: though.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“That’s what you get for abandoning your friends when there’s a monster on the loose. …I mean, I do feel sorry for them.”

How to get there

When Jacuzzi decides how to proceed after seeing the massacre in the dining car, decide to prioritize the train robbery over helping people. I know I know it’s complete bullshit! But I have to make all the choices presented to me!

What happens

This is 100% my fault for making a grossly out-of-character choice, I know that, I accept the blame.

For what it’s worth, the game does do a decent job of making it seem not quite so grossly out-of-character. Jacuzzi does plan to go back for his friends later, but he considers it most important that the goods do not reach New York. Considering that “the goods” are high-grade explosives, it’s not like he’s entirely wrong… They return to their cabin to wait until they can act. But when they go to complete the robbery, the Rail Tracer attacks.

Implications/non-mook body count

Annnnd Team Jacuzzi’s down.

How I feel about this ending

Apparently robbery is a no-no on the Claire Train. I mean it’s brutal, but I was glad it came on quick. It pained me to be so out-of-character.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Anyone who thought, ‘Wow, Jacuzzi’s cool when he snaps’ is a terrible person. I mean, I thought it too.”

How to get there

When Jacuzzi in the caboose tries to decide what to do about the chaos taking place on the train, choose “Kill before we can be killed.”

What happens

The conversation between him, Nice, and Donny actually happens much as it does in canon, this time concluding that he needs to specifically kill the black suits and the Rail Tracer, not just get rid of them. Nice notices that there’s a bit of a mad light in Jacuzzi’s eyes, but she doesn’t say anything, and they still support him without reserve. They head back towards the front of the train.

On the way, they encounter Nick and Jack where they’ve been tied up. Jack, of course, has still been boxed to within an inch of his life by Ladd, and Jacuzzi mentally adds the white suits to the list of people who need to be taken care of–in fact, moves them to the top of the list, for Jack’s sake.

So, when they come across Ladd, Lua, and +1 white suit in the freight car with two dead black suits, Nice just goes ahead and chucks three sticks of dynamite at them. Thinking quick, Ladd grabs two of them and throws them out the open door of the freight car, also grabbing Lua to protect her. He kicks the other towards–I’m pretty sure this white suit is Who, isn’t it? The character listing describes him as “Ladd’s childhood friend”–kicks the other towards Who and shouts for him to get rid of it. But Who, standing in the hall, doesn’t think quite as fast as Ladd and plus there are no open windows in the hall. By the time he thinks to break a window to throw it out there, it’s too late. It explodes.

Ladd can tell just by looking that Who hasn’t made it, so he turns his attention to the boy standing at the other end of the hall.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Jacuzzi?”

He’s trying to freak Jacuzzi out by saying his name, but it doesn’t work. Jacuzzi advances towards him with a light smile and determined eyes. Ladd punches him away–once, twice, ten times, but each time Jacuzzi gets back up and advances towards him again with the same light smile. Finally, he reaches Ladd and wraps his arms around him, a slur is bandied about again, and–

Explosion.

Ladd regains consciousness, briefly, to see that both of Jacuzzi’s arms have been blown away to the elbows. Apparently he’d been hiding lit dynamite in his sleeves. Ladd calls Lua’s name one last time, and then his heart stops.

Implications/non-mook body count

Ladd’s dead! Jacuzzi has half-arms. Um, I got the impression while playing that he wasn’t dead, but now I don’t remember what gave me that impression, so I could be wrong. Oh, Who is also dead.

How I feel about this ending

THANK THE LORD it’s not silly. A breath of miserable, violent air. I’m not entirely sure that this comes through in my writeup, but snapped!Jacuzzi is still quite believable, and it’s eerie to think what he’s capable if pushed just a little too far.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“I mean, you knew it would end this way when you chose that choice, right? If you’ve got an image you’re trying to preserve, touch the screen and try again.”

How to get there

When prompted to choose what Jacuzzi says to Ladd (in canon: tell him that the conductors are dead), say, “You’re the driver, I’m the conductor!”

What happens

I mean, Firo’s right–you know this isn’t going anywhere that makes sense. Jacuzzi points at Ladd and declares, “You’re the driver, I’m the conductor!” Ladd is initially confused, but when Jacuzzi says it a second time, he starts hallucinating trains and chanting, “Chugga chugga choo choo!” which prompts confusion from Lua. Jacuzzi then says “Chugga chugga choo choo!” back to him, prompting confusion from Nice. The two clasp hands; Jacuzzi shouts, “You’re the driver, I’m the conductor,” and Ladd shouts “I’m the driver, you’re the conductor,” and they dash towards the front of the train–through third class, second, the dining car, first class… and then they’re never seen on the train again.

Shortly thereafter, a new urban legend begins to circulate: that if you’re near train tracks in the middle of the night, you may see two men running along the rails. Don’t get close enough to hear what they’re chanting, because if you hear them chanting “Chugga chugga choo choo,” you’ll fall under their spell…

Implications/non-mook body count

I mean they are pretty important to the rest of the night, that’s gonna throw a whole lot off.

How I feel about this ending

I kinda get second-hand embarrassment from this one, but then again, I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be any kind of cool.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Isaac’s not half-bad when he puts his mind to it. This may not have been the right time for it, though…”

How to get there

Encountering Jacuzzi, Ladd asks if something happened in the conductor’s car to harden him up. Have Jacuzzi answer that the conductor made fun of him.

What happens

Jacuzzi does this to test Ladd’s reaction–to see if Ladd killed the conductor. But Ladd answers that yeah, the conductor would probably do something like that, as if he knows him. He then decides to head back towards the dining car (as opposed to going to see the dead conductor as in canon).

POV switches to Isaac and Miria, and they see Ladd and some white shirts walking into a second-class room with a child. A hostage situation?!, they quickly conclude, and decide to stage a rescue. They creep up to the door, and Isaac peeks underneath–just in time to see Ladd shoot Czes in the head. So of course he bursts in with a protest, even though he doesn’t know Czes all that well. A brief exchange between him and Ladd, and Miria joins in, and Ladd briefly pretends regret but then turns around and shoots Isaac (!!). Nevertheless, Isaac gets back up, supported by Miria. “Wow, Isaac, you’re like an immortal hero!” “I sure am! But since I’ve done wrong, an anti-hero!” At this point Ladd isn’t really listening, because for some reason it doesn’t look like Isaac’s been shot at all… Isaac concludes that his sheriff’s badges stopped the bullet thanks to the protection of Czes’s spirit.

Then Isaac leaps at Ladd and they tussle–Isaac intending to throw Ladd off the train even if he goes down with him. He clings to Ladd even as Ladd proceeds to gouge out both of Isaac’s eyes with his thumbs, there is a slur thrown about (look, Ladd, you can’t insult people for being gay in this game), the two roll off the train and under the tracks. Isaac, naturally, eventually recovers. Ladd does not.

Implications/non-mook body count

Ladd’s down. Isaac is at least in some way aware of his immortality and Miria most likely will be shortly as well–that is, if Czes doesn’t try (and succeed) to eat her just in case once he revives. Which… I would be surprised if he didn’t, provided he saw any of the exchange.

Speaking of that, though. I’m incredibly surprised at the fact that Czes didn’t pull himself back together very quickly? I mean, Szilard was able to improve his recovery time through deliberate practice; you’d think that Czes would be similarly fast due to… non…deliberate practice. At the very least, you’d think he’d be a good bit faster than Isaac.

I guess, though, that maybe there’s a mental element to it of some kind; so Isaac’s determination to avenge Czes hastened his recovery here? Whereas Czes isn’t able to access the mental fortitude needed to speed up recovery because he was literally shot in the head. That’s what would make the most sense to me. People needing to slow an Immortal’s recovery, take note?!

How I feel about this ending

Okay I liked this one. This one was intense. I’m not okay with Ladd gouging Isaac’s eyes out, though, fuck off! There are so many characters who deserve that more than Isaac does, go bother them instead.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Nothing wrong with that choice–you just had bad luck.”

How to get there

As Jacuzzi, decide to look for Isaac and Miria after checking on the dining car.

What happens

All of Team Jacuzzi goes up to the roof to cross over to the dining car. This includes Jack, who is injured from an earlier encounter with Ladd. (Because “Jack” is a boxers’ name…) But as they’re crossing the roof, Donny starts shouting: Jack has suddenly started coughing up blood. They hurry down into the first-class car… only to run into some black suits, who shoot them all dead. D:

Implications/non-mook body count

Team Jacuzzi is down

How I feel about this ending

I’ve kind of gotten to the point where I just kind of shrug and start over when Team Jacuzzi dies. Er, sorry. Frankly, this ending’s a bit cheap–in the other three that arise out of this choice, they elect to deposit Jack in a nearby room to rest. The fact that they didn’t here is… a little weird.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Don’t worry, someday they’ll clear up this misunderstanding, and they’ll laugh at being thrown off the train.

“…Hang on, would it be my job to clear up the misunderstanding?

“No way, that sounds like a pain. Touch the screen and try again. I’m begging you.”

How to get there

Jacuzzi decides not to search for Isaac and Miria.

What happens

These idiots talk too much.

No, really, that’s what happens. In canon, of course, as they’re worrying that the Rail Tracer has eaten Jacuzzi, Jacuzzi runs up. Well, not in this ending. So they keep going on and on–about how Jacuzzi is a better person than them; about how awful they’ve been, stealing from the Mafia and murdering all those children, which they still have nightmares about. The narration clarifies at this point that when they stole some chocolate, they assumed that all the children in the area starved to death. Which has since been further blown out of proportion into their heads and for some reason they perceive it as having murdered a vast number of children.

Further compounding this, Isaac declares that the two of them are ruthless, and if they have to kill everyone else on the train to find Jacuzzi, they will!

Which is not something you should say within earshot of a certain Rail Tracer. The Rail Tracer creeps up on them, without their noticing… and with that, Isaac and Miria vanish from the train.

Implications/non-mook body count

No body count, but god, I can’t imagine that Claire went easy on them? I mean, that’s… “kill all the other passengers,” that’s basically what he heard Czes threaten to do. Aagh, I don’t want to think about it. It does say they were thrown from the train, so maybe he doesn’t catch on in time to the fact that they’re immortal and just kills them once and drops them? But still.

How I feel about this ending

(continual noise of alarm and concern in the back of my throat)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Don’t brag about your crimes… But lecturing aside… There’s not a lot of room on this train. Putting too many people in one place is just inviting confusion.”

How to get there

Have Jacuzzi take everyone when he goes to search for Isaac and Miria.

What happens

Well, they do drop Jack off, at least. Isaac and Miria have basically the same conversation that they do in ending 29, including the line about being ruthless, and then Team Jacuzzi comes up. Isaac and Miria are delighted–the fact that he’s escaped must mean he’s a good person! But he insists otherwise; after all, he killed all those people the other day, and he’s planning a train robbery, oh but Isaac and Miria, they’ve already committed a train robbery, and…

…Yeah, Claire hears ‘em again. Isaac, Miria, and Team Jacuzzi get the Rail Tracer treatment. aaagh.

Implications/non-mook body count

Jacuzzi, Nice, Donny, and Nick are all dead D:

How I feel about this ending

DDDDDDDD:

but also–I’m glad I hit 29 first, I think the impact was better that way

and also–I really like the systematic way in which these are named. A red monster devours ____. Victory for ____. It appeals to me. That said, I’ve had enough of the red monster devouring people for a little while. Thank you, I’d like a break.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“The black suits are a team, remember? Actually, you may be able to learn something if you ask the other black suits…”

How to get there

As Ladd, continue to fight Chane rather than turning tail.

What happens

Ladd and Chane continue their fight–only for Ladd to hear a gunshot and see a sniper over by the first class car. Spike shoots him dead.

Implications/non-mook body count

Ladd’s down.

How I feel about this ending

No particular opinion on this one, tbh.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Apparently Nice is a bomb freak. She probably wouldn’t tell others about the explosives that easily.”

How to get there

This is when Nick and Nice have been captured by Goose; when prompted, choose to tell him the whole truth.

What happens

Well, first of all, Goose doesn’t believe that they’re innocents because Nick burst into the dining car with a knife. Nice tries to claim that that was because he was tripping on marijuana, but Goose uses this to call into question whether they actually saw the Rail Tracer. This is when you’re offered the choice of how much to tell him.

Tell him everything and naturally he’s immediately interested in the explosives. He leaves to go check on them, and Nice tries to figure out how they can get out of this… but never has the chance to put any kind of plan into action. The explosives give the black suits a hearty advantage; they take the train. Annnd then they blow up a few spots in New York, too. So the US government pretty much has to bow to their demands. Huey is freed–but that’s the last history knows of Huey Laforet or the Lemures…

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, a lot of things got blown up, I suppose.

How I feel about this ending

Yes, I made sure to read that twice, it does say that that’s the last history knows of Huey and the Lemures. I was really confused at first? But I guess they disappeared into the shadows instead… maybe? naaah Renee ate him didn’t she, yikes

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“In order to save Nice from this, Jacuzzi teams up with Victor and becomes an investigator… But there’s not enough ROM to tell you that story. Sorry, you’ll just have to imagine it.”

How to get there

When choosing how Nice should respond to Goose, have her ask to join the Lemures.

What happens

The plan is to just join them for now and earn a little time to plan. Nice offers her explosives expertise as well as the explosives they’re stealing. To her surprise, Goose is all for it; he lets her join them.

Just one problem.

It wakes her mad bomber side up.

And she just… stays with the Lemures. Perpetually. For five years, terrorizing New York with her bombings. And then after five years, she and Chane are finally launching an attack on Alcatraz to free Huey. That’s how it ends. This one is drawn in very broad strokes.

Implications/non-mook body count

ok I just wanna know why Huey is still in Alcatraz five years later. That seems unlikely. This despite the Lemures managing to be pretty formidable with Nice’s bombing habits at their disposal. I’m confused by this. Maybe he cut the Lemures off because of the whole murders-and-hostages plan and made his escape normally and just never told them? Which is totally fair to everyone but Chane.

How I feel about this ending

It is actually really interesting, I would be interested in reading this story. Even if I’m not 100% convinced that Nice is quite that bomb-crazy. Maybe if Jacuzzi died on the train–maybe in that case, yes, but he didn’t, he teams up with Victor (!!!!) in this version of things, so…? Has anyone written fic of this, I would read that fic. No, seriously, someone hand me fic of Jacuzzi and Victor interacting, I’m really curious about this? I feel like Victor would have a higher estimation of Jacuzzi than of like 80% of the people he’s forced to deal with.

Also, Nice is pretty in a black dress. Also I’m really glad that she and Chane still wound up friends in this version of things (it even mentions that Nice has gotten to the point where she can read emotions on Chane’s face!). I am 100% on team More Friends For Chane All The Time.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Nothing to say to this one. That bastard Edward is always making fun of me with shit like this.”

How to get there

Playing as Isaac, you’re given a choice of what to say to Jacuzzi (canon choice is the “gun in your heart” line). Choose instead “Fall for a tramp and you’ll get your heart broken, Missy.“

What happens

Isaac “realizes” that Jacuzzi has fallen in love with him! But alas, his heart belongs to Miria. Even as Jacuzzi protests that no, he’s got it all wrong, even Donny starts to believe Isaac and expresses surprise–he thought Jacuzzi was in love with Nice! Jacuzzi protests further that he isn’t into men–isn’t that some kind of illness? But Donny reassures him that some men like men–it’s not an illness, just a preference. Four for you, Donny.

Regardless, Jacuzzi protests that he isn’t in love with Isaac! Isaac (and Miria chiming in) try to convince him that it’s okay and natural to be in love with such a cool guy as Isaac, but Jacuzzi can’t take it–he asks them to stop making fun of him and runs out of the storage room.

Isaac wonders if he was mistaken, but Miria reassures him that the problem is that there were other people there! In any case, Isaac says, he will take responsibility for hurting Jacuzzi. Take responsibility how?, Donny wants to know.

“I–along with my dear Miria of course–am going to jump from the train!”

“Wh-what? Why me, too?”

“Well, think about it, Miria: don’t you think it would hurt Jacuzzi to see you, since you’re the one I love?”

“Oh, you’re right!”

…So they do it. They jump from the train. Miria’s not scared, because she trusts Isaac. After they jump, Donny waits a few seconds, and then:

“…He’s pretty cool. I think I’ve fallen in love, too.”

Implications/non-mook body count

Again, not a body count per se, but Isaac and Miria just jumped off the train. You know they’re going to be convinced that they’ve come back as some kind of spirits of love once they revive. Also I’m super concerned about Jacuzzi just running into the halls, this is not a course of action I recommend taking aboard the Flying Pussyfoot.

How I feel about this ending

First off: Firo, babe, I like you but we gotta do something about your homophobia. I mean yes, Edward should not be saying those things but that is markedly different from just plain Mistaken For Gay.

…And Jacuzzi too, huh? That’s pretty disappointing. We need to get both of these two some cool gay friends, stat. (Maybe Donny’s gay?) I think Jacuzzi will lighten up and drop the “illness” thing pretty quick. Firo, well, we know Firo’s still a bit tetchy on the subject in 2002…

Anyway, all that aside, what the hell is this ending. The idea of Jacuzzi having a crush on Isaac is actually completely adorable to me actually, and I seem to remember that he does blush in this scene in the anime, just sayin’. But why did they jump out of the train. I–I didn’t think they were going to do it right here right now. I squawked. Friends, why. Why did you do this thing. How the hell did the two of you live long enough to be made immortal.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“A good ending. Congrats! If you want to know what happened to the train after that, try changing what Jacuzzi shouts at the end. Think gunman, not samurai.”

How to get there

I mean, Firo pretty much says, above–this is coming from waaay back in the storage car when you decide what Isaac should say to Jacuzzi. Choose "You will find the meaning of “bushido” when you die." Here, I’m translating bushi as “samurai” ‘cause it sounds more natural to me.

What happens

At the end of the fight with Goose, Jacuzzi throws himself at Goose, shouting, “A samurai never fears death!” He grabs him and leaps off the train with him. Goose’s flamethrower explodes, and Jacuzzi passes out.

The sunrise wakes him up, and to his surprise he finds that he’s alive. He’s not unharmed, but Goose’s body shielded him from much of the explosion, and the vegetation along the rails broke his fall. He looks from side to side, smiles a little, and starts walking towards New York, where people are waiting for him.

Implications/non-mook body count

Nothing too exciting here. Goose is dead. Somewhat to my surprise actually, Jacuzzi is not.

How I feel about this ending

here’s the thing, I don’t care about the showdown between Jacuzzi and Goose at all, I never have, I think it is paced weirdly and it just keeps going and going and I don’t–I don’t care.

I thought that line was gonna get Jacuzzi killed, though, so I’m happy he survived, and it played “The graffiti above the picture of the apple,” and I’m a sucker for that song all the time. So that’s good. The final mental image of Jacuzzi walking along the tracks in the sunrise is quite pretty.

I just really hope it isn’t going to make me reread the entire fight once I go pick up the right line from Isaac…

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Man, this Goose character doesn’t have much luck, huh?”

How to get there

As Nice, attempt to bargain with Goose.

What happens

Instead of handing over her explosives when Goose asks, Nice flicks her lighter on and asks to bargain–and if he gets rough, she’ll light the bombs. Goose agrees with surprising ease, but asks to think about it for a bit before they begin. 10, 20, 30 seconds pass–and just as Nice is about to speak, Goose smirks and concludes that she hadn’t lit any of the dynamite already. And with that, he raises his gun and shoots a single shot right into her missing eye, claiming that he doesn’t want to mar her pretty face any further.

…Except she’s got a bomb there, under her eye patch.

The bullet sets it off.

The cherry bomb sets the rest of the explosives–twelve sticks of dynamite–off.

Boom.

The narration kindly shares the information that Jacuzzi was near enough to be caught in the blast, too. Thanks ever so much, narration.

Implications/non-mook body count

Goose, Nice, Nick, Jacuzzi. And probably a large section of the train, too.

How I feel about this ending

Seriously, I could just do without things exploding for a little while. Or to be more specific, people. I would like for people to not explode. (Keeping in mind that I found this ending after 37 and 38.)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“No. This isn’t how it ended.

“If you believe that, touch the screen and try again.”

How to get there

When Goose asks Nice to turn over her explosives, turn over most of them–but retain one, light the fuse, and chuck it at him.

What happens

 Goose drops the rest of the explosives and catches the lit one. Nice grabs those and she and Nick split while Goose juggles the lit stick of dynamite, somehow managing to drop it on the floor rather than throwing it out the window. Just as he’s calmed down enough to try to pick it up again, it goes off.

The problem is–in her rush, Nice wasn’t able to judge the strength of the dynamite she chose. Unlike the ones she was throwing before Goose came in, this one was pretty significant, and took out not only the room they were captive in but an adjacent room and part of the hallway. Goose and a nameless black suit are down, and one other person. Nice goes to examine the other person and suddenly gets real quiet.

“Nick,” she says, “your eyes are better than mine. Please, come here and take a look at this person. Tell me I’m seeing this wrong.”

She’s not.

It’s Jacuzzi.

For a few minutes, she just sits there, crying quietly. Nick stands with her, not sure what to do. Finally, she speaks–

“Nick, I need you to run now. Run as fast as you can, as far away as you can.”

She’s got the rest of her dynamite spread out, about to light it. Nick tries to dissuade her–but she gathers Jacuzzi and the dynamite into her arms, and Nick realizes that he’s not going to be able to stop her. He runs, and behind her, Nice’s life is taken by her own bombs.

Implications/non-mook body count

Goose is down, Jacuzzi and Nice are both down.

How I feel about this ending

that’s enough of that. No more of these please. Thanks.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“If you don’t like this ending, touch the screen and give it another try.

“Here’s a hint: Nice knows her own appearance is unusual. So she knows that she can’t pass herself off as a normal person.”

How to get there

Try to lie to Goose during his interrogation of Nice.

What happens

 Goose deduces at once from Nice’s appearance that she isn’t just a civilian. So he tries to get her to talk by beating her up. It doesn’t work–he expresses regret that he didn’t go for the real torture–but before he can turn on Nick instead, he hears that something’s up in the dining car and has to go check that out. Before he leaves, he gives Nice one last kick in the face, which knocks her out.

Then a lot of stuff happens and like five hours pass (seriously the time chart skips from midnight to 5 a.m. and I don’t get why), but eventually Nice is conscious-ish again and is describing to Nick how to use her dynamite against the black suits. She’s laid out on the bed, by the way, seeing as how she’s been brutally beaten. But they start to run low on dynamite and Nick says they should go, so he like–wraps her in the sheets and attaches a rope and he’s planning to haul her up to the roof, but when he goes to open the window Goose busts in.

And then Jacuzzi bursts in from the door with a machine gun. Goose gets under the bed (thinking that Nice is still in it and will be a cover for him) and Jacuzzi is shooting up the place, but he doesn’t realize that there was a stick of dynamite on the floor, or that the machine gun set it off.

Explosion.

It takes out Goose, who’s close to it, though Jacuzzi and Nick escape the worst.

Nice–Nice does not.

Jacuzzi runs to her, but she’s already basically gone. Her last words are “Don’t cry, Jacuzzi–I’m happy to die here, in your arms, from an explosion”–probably. But the latter half is inaudible because she’s so weak. And she does, indeed, die in Jacuzzi’s arms.

And then Jacuzzi picks up one of Goose’s guns and shoots himself in the temple.

Lord.

Implications/non-mook body count

oh god, you’re going to make me say it. Nice and Jacuzzi are both dead.

How I feel about this ending

Well. I had to close the 3DS when Nice was being beaten (there were sound effects, joy). When it first showed her bruised sprite. When Jacuzzi calls out to her because she’s dying. I yelped when he shot himself. This ending is not okay.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“You got here because you threw ‘him’ off the train in the Express Train episode.

“Sure, he killed a lot of people, but he saved a lot of people’s lives, too.”

How to get there

This, and an Express Train ending (58), result from Ladd tackling Claire in the Ladd-Claire fight and thus throwing him off the train.

What happens

This choice actually precipitates a few separate things, and they are pretty much all terrible.

Ladd tackles Claire and basically winds up leaping off the train with both Lua and Claire in his arms. Claire reveals that the knot around Lua’s neck was a false one and is like, “Great, dumbass, now I’m gonna be late.” He saves Lua and leaves Ladd to fend for himself.

But we really need Claire to be on the train, and we begin feeling the effects of his absence almost immediately. In the engine room, the two engineers begin to hear explosions (Nice’s). In canon, Claire shows up and assures them that there are just robbers chasing the train, but they can lose them by going over a bridge, so no matter what they must not stop the train. …So, without Claire to give them that instruction, what do they do?

They stop the train, of course.

They pull the brakes. All throughout the train, there’s a horrid (really, very horrid) scraping noise and the train begins to slow.

*

So, this ending.

First, Chane is left behind on the train, thinking that the two forces that were the most potent threats–Ladd and Claire–are gone, so she elects to return to inside the train. Just in time, too, because she drops into the train just before Spike can draw a bead on her. Remember that in canon, Claire goes to take care of Spike at this point, so Spike lives a little longer here.

Elsewhere, Team Jacuzzi successfully seizes the dining car, and Jacuzzi goes to first class to reunite with Nice. But as they go to climb up onto the roof–Jacuzzi is shot. Sniped by Spike. Presumably, Nice is too…

While all this is happening, Rachel confronts Turner in second class. In canon, Claire stops her from attacking Turner; without Claire's presence, Rachel attacks Turner desperately. But it exacerbates her injury, and she attacks him so vehemently that in the process of avenging her father, she drives herself to death.

Back in the dining car, it seems that Team Jacuzzi has the solid advantage, but then the other door opens and in comes Goose with his flamethrower and he just. burns the entire dining car to death. Including the black suits who’d gotten locked into the room. Spike rejoins him, and Goose distributes orders that the entire train should be slaughtered; the plan to free Huey may have failed, but they can at least eliminate anyone who’s seen them. But as they emerge from the dining car, Chane slits both of their throats. She hops off the now-stationary train, determined to save Huey on her own, and disappears into the morning mist.

Implications/non-mook body count

 Jacuzzi, Nice, Goose, and Spike are all down. Rachel's down. The entire dining car is down. Chane’s alive, congrats Chane. You probably get out of this ending the best of anyone. 

How I feel about this ending

dear god, we really need Claire on this train. Honestly I don’t have an enormous amount of emotion about this part of the ending, but it happens alongside 58, and anyway just. please keep Claire on the train. Bad things happen otherwise. Horrible things.

One thing that is interesting, I suppose, is that this winds up being an Express Train action that affects Local Train events. I mean, that’s not time fuckery, all Local vs Express really talks about is who you’re focusing on, but still, it’s a little interesting.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“I know it’s not really my place to apologize, but… I’m gonna apologize in Clair’s place. I’m sorry! Please forgive him! He’s not usually this childish… ……. No, I guess he’s pretty childish. Just–pretend he was bitten by a dinosaur here and forget all about this!”

How to get there

This is a Local Train ending resulting from the Express Train choice for Clair to slug Jacuzzi rather than letting Jacuzzi defeat the Rail Tracer.

What happens

Claire is jealous of the bond between Nice and Jacuzzi and so he accidentally slugs Jacuzzi, definitely breaking his nose, maybe his neck? He ducks behind the train so that Nice can’t see what happened.

Cut to Nice, who is devastated and sobbing, remembering how Jacuzzi got his facial tattoo so that she could recognize him despite the damage to her eyesight. She’s terrified at the thought that she’ll never be able to recognize anyone clearly again. Then she feels someone tap her shoulder. She turns and doesn’t see who tapped her, but Jacuzzi is there–alive, if only barely. Fred the gray wizard/doctor tends to him and saves his life, but it still takes him almost half a year before he can walk on his own again.

Because of Nice’s poor eyesight, she doesn’t see: Someone wrote the word “Sorry” next to Jacuzzi’s body. But maybe it’s better that she didn’t, because it’s written in Jacuzzi’s blood.

Implications/non-mook body count

Lord, I’ve thought Jacuzzi died in that ending this whole time. I’m glad he didn’t. Though apparently Firo was just yelling at Claire for slugging Jacuzzi. I mean, he’s not wrong to do so.

How I feel about this ending

Relieved, but also, WHAT THE HELL HAS A DINOSAUR GOT TO DO WITH THIS? How will a dinosaur help? I’m very confused.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Wait, so what’s the real ending of the ‘Ticket to Tragedy’ story?

“Hmm… yeah, I guess if Clair hadn’t been around, it might’ve gone like this.”

How to get there

This is an Express Train ending that results from the Local Train choice to tell the “ticket to tragedy” ghost story.

What happens

That was, you may remember, a Local Train choice that leads to a Local Train ending. Now that Express Train is open, a new scene opens up in Express Train that reveals how the scene in the caboose played out in “Ticket to Tragedy.” 

Before shooting the young conductor, the Lemures conductor demands that he finish his story, and the young conductor explains that nine out of ten of the housewives surveyed about their train journey answered with “What train journey?” Oh, the Lemures conductor says, so their husbands use the tickets to treat someone else to a ride. Boring. He says that the young conductor’s ticket creates a much deeper tragedy than that, and then shoots the young conductor and looks down at his corpse.

“You really do look a lot like Claire, Tony. If only you hadn’t agreed to switch shifts with him, he would have died rather than you.”

The narration points out that this is not the case, and then explains: Claire, in a hurry to get to New York and help out the Gandors, switched shifts with Tony and took an earlier train to New York. Thus, Tony was the “young conductor” here, emphasis on the “was.”

Then the door opens, and a man dressed all in white enters and in short order kicks the Lemures conductor in the face, knocking him out. It’s Ladd. Dune follows shortly thereafter and asks why the hell both conductors are down for the count–was there another fake conductor? Ah well, whatever. He takes the Lemures conductor’s uniform and then tortures him until he’s got all the information he needs on the Lemures’ plan. He and Ladd take care of the black suits in the freight car and commandeer their guns. White suits take the train.

Implications/non-mook body count

 Alas, Tony, we hardly knew ye. tte, why isn’t Tony an old dude here?

How I feel about this ending

 I was basically right about the background flow of this one! That the young conductor wasn’t Claire, and that the white suits killed the Lemures conductor and won an advantage over the train, I mean. I didn’t think of the torture. 

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“There is nothing more terrifying to an Immortal than having someone pat their head with their right hand.

“I’m sure that Czes isn’t this evil anymore, though.”

How to get there

This is the Express Train conclusion to the Local Train choice to have Jacuzzi pat Czes’s head after Czes barrels into him in the dining car.

What happens

Local Train ending here. There’s–there’s honestly not a whole lot extra to say about this one. It’s basically Czes alternating between having panic attacks re: right hands and trying to calm himself down. When Nice pats his head with her left hand, he jumps and somehow manages to calm himself, but he still looks sick with fear, and Jacuzzi asks if he’s alright. Just as Czes is wondering why the hell Jacuzzi is taking such an interest in him, Jacuzzi reaches out with his right hand to take Czes’s temperature. Concluding that Jacuzzi must be the Immortal, Czes nopes backwards and excuses himself “to the bathroom”–but actually he lies in wait for Jacuzzi with a hammer and clonks him over the head when he comes by.

But, he realizes, Jacuzzi’s blood is only going in one direction–it continues to flow outward rather being sucked back into his body, ergo he’s not an Immortal. “You scared the hell out of me,” he mutters, and lobs Jacuzzi off the train rather than have to deal with the corpse.

Then, as if nothing happened, he returns to the dining car.

Implications/non-mook body count

I want to point out that while I wondered, in ending 7, whether Czes would conclude that Jacuzzi was the lone other Immortal in the dining car, I have since realized that obviously not, because he couldn’t eat Jacuzzi. Which is all to say that yeah, he’s still gonna try to have the dining car slaughtered.

How I feel about this ending

Wincing, but not as much as Firo is wincing. Oh, but there was a head-on picture of Jacuzzi reaching for Czes with his right hand, and it’s actually quite foreboding. Apparently I, too, have been conditioned to fear looming right hands.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“It can’t have ended in such a sad way.

“If that’s how you feel, touch the screen and give it another try.”

How to get there

As Czes, choose to bring Mary along rather than hiding her somewhere in the train.

What happens

Czes considers dropping Mary off somewhere; but if he did that and she wound up dead, he would feel that it’s the same as having betrayed her, and he can’t betray someone who trusts him in the way that “that man” betrayed him. So he briefly considers the broom closet, but they move on together.

Eventually, they make it to the storage cars; Czes peeks into one room and sees some Rail Traced black suits. He wonders what could have done that–the white suits? Another Immortal? The Rail Tracer? (no way, he concludes) In any case, he hears the white suits coming and pulls Mary into a nearby room to try to get her to stay there while he goes out to deal with Ladd.

What he didn’t realize is that Mary’s just about at her limit, emotionally. POV switches to Ladd, who hears an argument going on between Mary, who’s terrified of being left alone and Czes, who just wants to go see if he can bargain with the man out there. Mary protests that that old man (オジサン) is scary and Czes will get hurt, and well before Czes has managed to convince her otherwise, Ladd kicks the door open, demands to know if he’s the one they were talking about. Czes gets in front of Mary to protect her and says yes, he wants to talk to Ladd because your boxing is incredible, mister (お兄さん)! But he’s a little too confident and smug for Ladd’s liking, and Ladd smacks him out of the way with the butt of his rifle and then aims at Mary. He gives her a chance to beg for her life; at first, she’s too scared to even scream and keeps crying. Czes struggles to stand and get Ladd’s attention, insisting that she’s got nothing to do with this; another white suit comes in to subdue him and Ladd gives Mary another ten seconds to beg. This time, she manages it, but she says “オジサン” again and he blows her head off.

And he’s quite open about why, too. Which makes Czes furious. He’s already killed the other white suit with a long scalpel and runs at Ladd. Ladd shoots him in the leg; but in a few moments, Czes gets up again and Ladd realizes there’s no blood. Shoots him again. Lua, who was outside the storage car and wasn’t expecting to hear rifle shots, starts to come in but he warns her to stay back–there’s a monster in here.

Instead of making another run at Ladd, Czes presses a button in the wall of the car, opening up a secret compartment. Just as Ladd goes to follow him–an explosion. Ladd and Lua are blown to pieces. Czes is too, of course, but with time he’ll recover.

As he crept into the secret compartment, Czes had mentally apologized to Mary: I’m sorry. I should have left you somewhere safe. But I didn’t abandon you, and I didn’t betray you. Please understand that much.

Implications/non-mook body count

Mary, Ladd, and Lua are all dead.

How I feel about this ending

This went on for torturously long, omg. I mean you know as soon as you make the choice that something terrible is going to happen, and I didn’t mention it above but there are like three or four other scenes between making the choice and this scene between Ladd and Czes, and… agh. But all of it feels very–almost inevitable in a way. Like “Yep. *sigh* That sure is how it would play out.” I don’t mean this in a bad way.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Czes wouldn’t do something like this. …I’m sure of it.

“So please, touch the screen and try again.”

How to get there

Given the choice of what Czes should do about Mary, choose to kill her.

What happens

Czes decides to kill Mary before she gets in his way, and decides strangulation is the way to go so that there’s no risk of blood splatter. So he looks for something to do it with–and then realizes that something perfect is right in front of him. He checks the closest cabin and, finding it empty, heads into it with her and locks the door.

Mary asks if they’ll be safe in here, and Czes assures her that they will be. “If you say so, Czes, I trust you,” Mary says, and Czes almost has a twinge of… something, but since this is more merciless than he normally is anyway and he’s trying to ignore that feeling, he doesn’t pick up on it.

He compliments her necklace. Asks to see it for a moment, and then makes as if to put it back on her and strangles her with it. She protests, struggles–and then doesn’t struggle anymore. Czes holds it tight around her throat for five minutes just to be safe, and when he releases it, she slumps to the floor. He goes to hide her body, but when he glimpses her face, he freezes. He knows that expression. It’s the same expression he turned towards “that man” every day: the face of a person who’s been betrayed by someone they trust.

Czes is overwhelmed by guilt and shame, and he runs out of the room and out into the connecting space between cars, asking himself how he could do such a thing; he asks for Mary’s forgiveness but immediately corrects himself, knowing he can’t and shouldn’t. He ducks under the guardrail and throws himself off the train in such a way that guarantees that he’ll fall underneath and be dragged along with it. It won’t pay for his sin, he knows, but he at least wants to make sure he suffers–wants to punish himself.

Implications/non-mook body count

Mary’s dead. Czes threw himself off the train and I think–not that his grip on sanity is fantastic to begin with but I think it’s good&gone here. “Implications” originally meant “what does this mean for the rest of the night” but man I don’t even want to think about it.

How I feel about this ending

…I knew it was going to be bad, and it still managed to far and away exceed my expectations. I …oh, god, oh, god, I just now realized that the reason Czes knows what that expression looks like is because of Fermet’s memories, I cannot take this

(deep breaths)

I threw my 3DS when Czes made the comparison of himself to Fermet; recollected myself and opened it up again only to slap it shut once more when it gave me a picture of the bastard (it was the poker one, it’s always the poker one) and I told it (yes, out loud) “I didn’t need a picture, I already knew who you were talking about” and it’s just–it’s just very upsetting all around, I don’t think I’d quite realized that non-canon choices surrounding Czes would mean More Words About Fermet but of course they would, of course they would.

Also, I have the feeling that Firo is every bit as upset by this ending as I am, so that’s… something, at least.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

"Welp. That's Claire for ya."

How to get there

This is the Express Train conclusion to the Local Train choice for Ladd to step into the hall to see what’s going on instead of heading straight to the dining car.

What happens

Local Train ending here. As a reminder, Ladd decides to follow after Jacuzzi rather than go to the dining car, so as Jacuzzi is rightfully freaking out over the carnage in the caboose, Ladd joins him. He has some fun spooking Jacuzzi for a little bit, until suddenly a man coated in blood appears. Jacuzzi screeches that it’s the Rail Tracer and sprints away. Claire is like “…I didn’t even introduce myself yet??”

Then, as Ladd tries to swing at him, Claire upsets his balance. Ladd cannot get a firm footing because of all the blood in the cabin, and this continues for a little while until they hear a creaking sound and a shock runs through the cabin. Ladd manages to get his footing and stand again–but Claire’s lost interest in him, for one, and he knows what just happened: Jacuzzi must’ve detached the last train car. Claire is both impressed (“Maybe he really exists, too, if he’s able to do something I didn’t expect”) and annoyed (”I’m not going to make it to New York on time.”) In any case, he is quite bored of Ladd. “Good-bye, phantom,” he says, and there’s a squishy sound effect and the screen goes red, then black.

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, that answers my question of what happened to Ladd, right.

How I feel about this ending

No particular opinions. Though, it’s pretty awful what happens on the Local Train side of this–the black suits take the train and slice off Mary’s fingers one by one. So that’s not good.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“In a way, this may be a happy ending for Czes, since he doesn’t have to go through hell.”

How to get there

After Czes sees a few Rail Traced black suits in their telegraph room in storage, you’re given the choice of what to do next; choose to stay put and wait for Ladd there.

What happens

Except Ladd has already been there and gone. An hour passes–and some more black suits come to check on wtf’s happened to their comrades. Czes tries to sneak away–but one of them spots him. And since they’re already so spooked, the black suit who spots him just pumps him full of machine gun bullets. His companions ask him what he’s doing, shooting a kid like that–the passengers are supposed to be hostages! He shrugs. “Well, he’s dead now.” And they throw him off the train. By the time he recovers, the Flying Pussyfoot is retreating into the distance.

Implications/non-mook body count

No body count. In terms of implications, though, Lack of Czes kind of throws off part of the fight between Jacuzzi and Goose, yeah? But I wonder if Clair isn’t so busy torturing Czes to death repeatedly if he has time to you know go take out the leader of the black suits instead of just killing mooks. Just a thought.

Also, contrary to what Firo says, sure Czes may not be tortured to death repeatedly, but he also doesn’t meet with Isaac and Miria which means he doesn’t have his change of heart, which means he is going to eat Maiza and then he is going to eat you, Firo. And everyone you care about.

How I feel about this ending

If I think, “Oh, they just shot him with a machine gun and then threw him off the train? That’s not all that bad,” does that say more about me or the series??

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“It would have been nice to show Czes playing an active role, but unfortunately there’s no time for that. Try another choice!”

How to get there

Choose to walk towards the dining car to look for Ladd.

What happens

Czes concludes that he may have passed by Ladd by accident already and decides to walk back towards the dining car to look for him. He doesn’t find Ladd–but he does find a white suit lying dead just outside the closet he left Mary in. His heart starts pounding and he rushes towards the closet to see just how bad it is–but is relieved to not see her corpse there. He concludes that the black suits must have captured her and resolves to look for clues to her whereabouts as well as for Ladd.

Unfortunately, he finds neither on his way to the dining car, and just as he reaches it–he walks right into a black suit. The black suit thinks he’s in some way connected to the Beriams and bring him to first class to be held hostage with them. They are all relieved to see each other safe, and while “captive” may not be the best situation for the Beriams, since there are no unexpected Immortals around, Czes feels pretty secure. He promises Mary that they’ll have a chance to escape, and once they do, he’ll protect her properly this time.

…And then, the narration summarizes, that’s what happens. The woman in fatigues rescues them some time later, and Czes keeps his promise to protect Mary for the rest of the night. The end.

Implications/non-mook body count

…none, particularly?

How I feel about this ending

…It was painless?? Painless things happen in Baccano?? You must be mistaken, that can’t be right.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“This is a terrifying conclusion for a lot of reasons–he can’t even die.”

How to get there

When deciding how Czes will search for the white suits’ leader, decide to travel to the caboose by going across the roof.

What happens

Czes climbs up onto the roof and finds that it’s very windy and extremely foggy. It’s not going to be as easy as he thought at all–he’s going to have to crawl. So he does. It takes quite a while, but he finally reaches the caboose and climbs down. Since there’s nothing out of place in the caboose at all, he proceeds through it and searches the back end of the train… but he doesn’t find the white suits, to his frustration.

On top of that, it seems weirdly quiet–like even the sound of the tracks is muffled. Inside the train, Czes isn’t running into anyone. Outside, the fog is even thicker than before.

Soon things are a lot worse than frustrating when he comes across the freight car where he found the corpses and all the blood earlier. Reason being that all of that is gone. The corpses, the blood–vanished without a trace. Alarmed, Czes checks the secret compartment where his bombs should be, and they’re gone too. He runs through the train in a panic. But there’s no one there. He’s the only one on this train, and it doesn’t seem to be headed to New York anymore…

Implications/non-mook body count

I feel like much of the night then continues normally, just elsewhere? Like only Czes and a phantom copy of the Flying Pussyfoot were transported into this alternate dimension.

How I feel about this ending

Why did this… happen? Why was Czes transported into an alternate dimension? Is this hell? Shouldn’t hell be saved at least until he’s actually made a concrete attempt on the lives of the passengers? Like, after he’s talked to Ladd, at least.

I actually feel more positively about this one by typing it up, though. It’s definitely eerie.

(cheer up kiddo, could be worse. You could be not-quite-alone.)

(oh, god, I terrified myself just saying that, aaah)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“I guess there’s no way to keep Czes from meeting this fate…

“If you want to find a different route, touch the screen.”

How to get there

This is the Express Train conclusion to the Local Train choice for Jacuzzi to lie to Ladd that in the caboose, the conductor teased him.

What happens

Local Train ending here. Summary: Jacuzzi lies that the conductor teased him in order to test whether Ladd killed the conductor; thus unaware that anything happened to Dune, Ladd does not head towards the caboose and encounters Czes in the second-class cars instead. Isaac and Miria come across them just as Ladd’s blowing Czes’s head off.

Turns out that the reason Ladd even fake-apologized was because his gun wasn’t loaded. He loads it, he shoots Isaac. Isaac revives, but he and Miria don’t realize that that’s what’s happened; they conclude instead that the bullet hit Isaac’s sheriff badge because Czes was protecting him!! Then Isaac and Ladd tussle and fall off the train together.

Czes, who lay low after reviving, heard most of this–enough, certainly, to panic at the first mention of Isaac not being wounded. But he buys or at least semi-buys the sheriff badge explanation (though mentally berates them for randomly deciding that he’s their guardian angel now) and anyway there’s no way that those two are Immortals, so he continues to lay low until the cabin clears out and then attempts to climb up on to the roof.

–Only to run into Claire, who then proceeds to trace him along the rails…

Implications/non-mook body count

Again, Ladd’s down and Isaac’s off the train. I was wrong about Czes eating Miria, though, that’s something!

How I feel about this ending

I’ve been feeling this for a while but I really like the obvious concern that Firo extends towards Czes in his comments. He’s troubled, but in a really protective sort of way. Might talk more about this at some other time, but I’m trying to keep these as free of spoiler as possible.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Maybe Spike wouldn’t have shot Chane if Nice and Nick had been on the roof.

“If you want to have Nice and Nick take a different action, touch the screen and try a different action in the Local Train Episode.”

How to get there

This is an Express Train ending that results from the Local Train choice for Nice and Nick to accompany Jacuzzi and Donny towards the back of the train to look for Isaac and Miria.

What happens

Local train ending is here.

Oh, man, I was so confused for a hot second as to how the one is connected to another, because it skips straight to Chane waiting on the roof to meet with Ladd. But as the fight between Chane and Ladd begins, and Ladd goes to escape, the POV shifts to Spike, who’s readying his sniper rifle and keeping it trained on Chane. She leaps right over where he’s camped at one point and he observes, “White, huh? I guess Chane’s purer than I thought!” (Now you know.)

Anyway, he still keeps watching her, and as she goes to leap over the next car, he’s got just the perfect shot lined up as she leaps between the two, when she’ll be unable to change direction–so he takes it, and a scarlet flower blooms in Chane’s head.

And then he realizes what he’s just done–Code Beta isn’t even in effect yet! So he ducks into the first class car to apologize, but Goose is only irritated, not angry. It’s just a little early.

You know who is angry, though?

Ladd. Ladd is pretty pissed.

He bursts into the room and shoots Spike in both knees and both shoulders and then takes out Goose and all the other black suits present. He’s gonna have some fun with Spike, though, as revenge for killing Ladd’s prey.

Implications/non-mook body count

Hmm, well, with Goose and (soon) Spike dead, as well as Chane, I guess there’s a good chance that the white suits take the train. Well, that or Clair. On the other hand, Team Jacuzzi and Isaac and Miria are all being rail traced at the other end of the train. But yknow, Czes might be having an ok night. That’s something, right?

How I feel about this ending

D: Don’t kill Chane! Especially don’t kill Chane by accident! What the hell, Spike. 

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“This might be fortunate, actually. Clair is scarier than the Runoratas.”

How to get there

As Czes, when dealing with Ladd, attempt to ask him to save all the passengers in the dining car.

What happens

The point here is to test what kind of person Ladd is. Ladd is, of course, not at all interested in saving all the passengers in the dining car, so  Czes reverts to his original/canon plan, and the scene concludes as in canon.

However, when Czes meets Claire, he (after trying to introduce himself as Thomas and being killed once) tries the same gimmick: first, he asks Claire to rescue the passengers. And Claire calls him out on his changing requests, causing Czes to realize that he heard the attempt at a bargain with Ladd. So he claims that the request to kill the passengers was an attempt to stay on the white suits’ good side.

So Claire is like sure. I can rescue the passengers for you. And you can sit tight right here and not do anything for the rest of the night, clear? And Czes realizes what danger he would be in otherwise, so he obeys. He gives up on finding the Immortal in the dining car for the night and plans on doing so once he’s made his deal with the Runoratas.

Except, bad news: his bombs get stolen.

So, fearing revenge from the Runoratas, he flees New York without visiting Maiza or Begg.

Implications/non-mook body count

Again, the fight between Jacuzzi and Goose is gonna get thrown off.

How I feel about this ending

Kinda unsatisfying tbh, because–look. I am about to say something that basically amounts to “needs moar Fermet,” and I apologize for that, I do, but look. You can’t give me a whole wail-inducing scene in the bonus chapter, the point of which is “Fermet’s looking for Czes~~~~” and then give me this in which he doesn’t find Czes. The only reason he doesn’t find Czes in the bonus chapter (and thus in canon) is because Czes is strapped beneath the train. In this ending, Czes is not strapped beneath the train. Therefore…???

You can make the argument that his intention in looking for Czes was not to reveal himself but to just. smugly watch him. Judging by the fact that he doesn’t go say hi to Czes until 2002 I think this is a completely safe argument to make. But what is it that he wanted to watch? –Well, apparently he’s been setting “traps” for Czes, telling excitable and trigger-happy people (such as Turner) to be on the lookout for him. So why doesn’t anyone like that stumble across Czes in this ending? All night? Why isn’t there at least a reference to this possibility?

I guess I just feel like this doesn’t integrate the events and possibilities of the bonus chapter at all, which I could understand if it happened before the bonus chapter, but you can only access it after…

I don’t know, maybe this is unfair, I’m just bothered by Firo’s “no this is probably good” comment. It’s not like I want him to be tortured by Claire, but his change of heart is so necessary to avoid other bad things happening, and being strapped beneath the train keeps him out of Fermet’s sight, and being out of Fermet’s sight is a good place to be.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“I guess Czes can be kind of trusting sometimes.

“If you want to see other endings, touch the screen and try again.”

How to get there

Playing as Czes, given the chance to introduce yourself to Clair, introduce yourself as Czes rather than Thomas.

What happens

Czes recognizes the Rail Tracer as the young conductor; and, concluding that he wasn’t in the dining car when he said his real name, concludes that he must not be the Immortal. So he introduces himself by his real name–the one on the official passenger list.

Lacking, then, the chance to confront him in this lie, Claire kills him once and sees him revive. (Unlike in the anime, he wasn’t watching Czes pull himself back together in the storage car and was actually pretty shocked to see him up and walking around…) Then Czes tries to make with him the same deal he tried to make with Ladd. It seems like Claire is interested–but he has two conditions. That Czes shows him the location of the explosives he’s trying to sell to the Runoratas, and that Czes pays him $30k. At this point, Czes decides that he’s just a money-crazed maniac who happened to overhear his conversation with Ladd, and he has no qualms about working with something like that if it’ll guarantee his safety, so he agrees to show Claire where the bombs are.

Once he does, though, Claire shows his true colors. He informs Czes that aaaactually, he’s with the Gandors and there is no way in hell he’ll let the Runoratas get their hands on those explosives and promptly throws Czes off the train.

Implications/non-mook body count

Czes was thrown off the train, and I guess the Gandors are getting his bombs! …This is probably bad news for Team Jacuzzi and their robbery.

How I feel about this ending

This one was weird. I don’t think I really would have figured out the logic in it if Firo hadn’t pointed out that by saying his real name, Czes was being uncharacteristically trusting ⇒ continues to be uncharacteristically trusting in trying to make a deal with Claire.

On the plus side, Czes’s fingers weren’t bitten off this time. So that’s something, right?

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Just because they’re the same publisher doesn’t mean you can just go hogwild with this!

“By the way, the words “Rail Tracer” show up in another series the author of Gakuen Kino is writing, Lillia and Treize, so if you’re interested, check it out!

“All right, commercial over!”

How to get there

Have Czes introduce himself to Clair as “Kino.”

What happens

The narration remarks Czes meant to choose just a random assortment of syllables, but for some reason it came out as the kanji 木乃 with pronunciation kana キノ. Before anyone can puzzle out why this is, there are voices from outside the train: a young male voice remarks that oh, his name is Kino too, answered by a young female voice saying, “Aw, man, but I’ve been waiting to make my big entrance…”

And then something bursts into the train through the window. That something is a girl in a school uniform. A summer school uniform, despite it being the middle of winter. She looks completely different from those around her, as if she’d been crafted by a different character designer. Also, the narration style has changed, the narration points out.

Kino–the girl–accuses Czes of impersonating her, but Czes argues that that wasn’t his intention, the male voice suggests that it has to do with the Personal Information Protection Law. The narration points out that that’s completely anachronistic and also not relevant, and then explains that the voice belongs to a phone strap named Hermes. Why a phone strap can talk is a long and complicated story, but if you’re interested, you should check out Gakuen Kino.

“Enough with the commercial, let’s get back to the story,” says–Kino, I think? The narration agrees, it’s time to get back to the story.

In the meantime, Claire has continued with his part of the story by ripping Czes’s throat out as in canon. Kino is aghast and asks him why he would do such a thing to a small child. Claire explains that he’s not really a small child, and more importantly, does Kino have a ticket? Hermes chides her for stowing away and Kino’s like not helping!! and looks for some kind of distraction.

“Whoa, what’s going on?!” she cries, pointing behind Claire. Claire is less than impressed, but it’s not just an attempt to distract him–when he turns around, he says the same thing, because Czes is smirking at them both, looking perfectly fine. He explains that he’s immortal, and Claire wonders whether he should do away with the immortal brat or the stowaway girl first.

Kino is so indignant at being threatened–she’s only a guest here! But Hermes points out that they can hardly sacrifice a child… Kino decides he’s right and pulls a WZ63 submachine gun out of her pouch. Narration points out that it doesn’t exist in the 1930s. Regardless, Kino aims at Claire and pulls the trigger, but he escapes into the hall. It doesn’t seem like any of the bullets hit.

So Kino puts her submachine gun away and takes Czes’s hand. “Quick, let’s get away before he comes back. We don’t want him to chase us.”

Hermes asks, “Are we bringing him with us, Kino?”

“Of course! If he’s immortal, he’ll be better than a bulletproof vest!”

So Kino pulls Czes out of the train.

The narration wraps things up for us: “And thus, Czes’s participation in the world of Baccano! comes to an end. Hopefully, he will do well in the world of Gakuen Kino. Please look forward to his next appearance! Clap clap clap.”

Implications/non-mook body count

There’s a rift in space-time, which is probably bad, but Czes has escaped from Baccano!land through it, which is probably good. Before Claire repeatedly tortures him to death, even. Not bad.

How I feel about this ending

Bless everyone who can read entire books’ worth of this style. Bless you all. I will stick to Kino no Tabi.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“When I see how fast Claire moves, I seriously start to wonder if we’re both human.

“…But hang on, there are some dangerous guys on this train! What happens with them?!”

How to get there

This is an Express Train ending resulting from a Local Train choice. …Well, allegedly resulting from this choice. Not sure I follow the logic of how one causes the other. The choice in question is for Nice to tell Goose everything when he asks, resulting in the black suits getting Czes’s bombs and taking the train.

What happens

Local Train ending here, for… all that it’s relevant. Nice tells Goose everything, and the black suits get the bombs and take the train.

Before the end of the night, though. Rachel sees Claire grinding Czes’s body along the train tracks and for whatever reason, Claire decides to confront her this time rather than getting back on track and taking out the black and white suits. He sneaks up on her, grabs her arm, and demands that she meets him first class.

So she goes there, and she’s heartbroken that Claire is spilling so much blood on the trains that she–loves. She hadn’t realized that she loves the trains, the trains her father loved.

So when Claire shows up, she begs for him to kill her–to do whatever he wants to her–but in exchange, she asks for her blood to be the last blood spilled on this train. Claire is a little troubled by this, because he’d only been planning to scare her a bit and then tie her up and turn her in to the police. He tells her that there are still people he needs to kill, and he won’t stop for a random stranger’s request.

If, on the other hand, she were his fiancee, that would be a different matter. So will she marry him?

Yes, Rachel answers immediately.

Claire’s like “Uh what? Don’t you think you should think about it a little more than that?”

But Rachel feels that she should be punished for hitching all those free rides, and if she has to be sacrificed to save the rest of the train, she’s willing. Claire, uh, doesn’t think marrying him should be a punishment, but on the other hand, he’s excited that someone finally accepted his combo meet cute/proposal, and they carry out introductions and he gets carried away telling her about himself and they sit on the couch in the first class cabin and talk for hours.

Implications/non-mook body count

So basically the black suits win because this idiot gets besotted with Rachel. Good job Claire, nicely done Rail Tracer.

How I feel about this ending

I think I had heard that there was an ending devoted this, but I’d forgotten, and I greatly enjoyed reading it now. It was hilarious, and ridiculous, and kinda sweet? He’s a good pair with Rachel, too. 

Oh, that said, though, I really don’t see how that choice causes this ending.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Looks like you need some kind of information to shake Chane up.

“Anyway, wow, look at these lovebirds go. …Lucky bastards.”

How to get there

When choosing how Ladd should respond to Chane, do run, but choose to drop down into the train and get behind her.

What happens

Ladd makes his escape and drops back down into the train; Chane follows him cautiously and heads towards the back of the train. After verifying that she went thataway, Ladd heads in the opposite direction.

This means that he doesn’t run into the black suits who have just been told that Code Beta aka Operation: Kill Chane is in effect, so he doesn’t torture and interrogate the one. Thus, when he arrives on the roof for his fight with Chane, he doesn’t have any information on her to throw her off. He can’t get a good read off her, she can’t get a good read off of them, I follow fights very poorly but I think she was kind of winning. And anyway that’s when Lua appears at the edge of the car to warn Ladd about not fighting the red monster. Chane recognizes her as the woman who was with Ladd earlier, and she goes to take advantage of Ladd’s hesitation by attacking him–but he assume she’s headed for Lua. He grabs Lua, wraps his arms around her, and leaps off the train with her in to some conveniently-placed bushes that break their fall.

As they stand, Ladd’s still a bit worked up from the fight and swears that he’ll kill that woman someday. Lua looks at him, face unreadable, and asks if he wants to kill her more than he wants to kill Lua. Treating this as the accusation of cheating that it is, Ladd refutes it at once and places his hand around her throat; then they say one more thing and I forget what it is, sorry, but in any case it ends with like “Then they stopped using their lips for speaking and, just for a moment, were the very picture of a normal couple.”

Implications/non-mook body count

Hm, I’m kind of concerned for Chane. Claire might kill her, unless he sees that she’s against the whole hostages-and-murder plan by looking into her eyes. Which could totally happen.

How I feel about this ending

HOWWW IS THIS SO SWEET?? I was laughing so hard because that’s adorable, they’re kissing and Firo is so jealous, it’s so amazing, I am so happy.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Wow, Claire actually took a hit here. He gets pretty thrown off when things don’t go according to his plan.

“If you’re worried about Lua, touch the screen and try again.”

How to get there

Choose to continue Ladd’s fight with Claire rather than rushing to save Lua.

What happens

Ladd attempts a punch with each hand, but Claire catches each of them with his own palms. He’s not impressed with Ladd, though. “Wow, I knew you were trash, but to abandon your fiancee to keep fighting me? You’re the worst trash there is.” He isn’t expecting Ladd to headbutt him in the face, though, and that’s what happens. So Ladd gets free and runs past him–

Only to find that Lua has already thrown herself off the train, because to be killed by someone other than Ladd would be the cruelest kind of betrayal. Worse than an ordinary couple cheating on someone: more like committing a lovers’ suicide with a complete stranger. So she decides that if she leaps from the train herself, before Claire’s rope can hang her, it’s suicide rather than being killed by Claire. Seeing this, Ladd leaps off the train as well.

Left behind, Claire massages where he was hit, looks after where Ladd fell, and starts talking in Chane’s general direction. “Well, that was sure something. Like I said, he did jump off the train of his own accord. But I was expecting something a little more like…”

Cut to Ladd. His left leg broke on impact with the ground, but he’s alive, and he drags himself in the direction of where Lua fell. “Wait for me, Lua. I’m coming. I’m gonna finish you off.”

Implications/non-mook body count

Well, Ladd survived jumping off the train, but if Lua’s not dead as we speak, he’s gonna kill her pretty soon.

How I feel about this ending

I actually feel terrible about not going to save Lua. Also, like, I buy that it really is romantic to them for Ladd to kill Lua, so… I hope he gets to her in time?

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“Look, I’m always being teased about this shit so I hate this kind of joke so much I could die–you know that, right? Sit tight for a second. …Ulp, I think I’m gonna be sick. Just try again, all right? Please. Ennis! Ennis, help!”

How to get there

Y’all know this one already, this is the LaddxClaire ending. Propose marriage to Claire rather while fighting him on the rooftop.

What happens

In the middle of running at Claire, Ladd stops and shouts, “Marry me!”

There is a stunned silence from Claire, Lua, and Chane. Claire’s noose still lands around Lua’s throat, but everyone is so stunned that no one even bats an eyelid when the false knot comes undone. Finally Lua says, “…Ladd…?” and that’s what gets everyone moving again. Claire is like “Um, sorry? You realize I’m a guy, right?” and Ladd’s like “what’s your point!” Claire points out that Ladd has a fiancee–what’s he going to do about that? “I’ll break up with her! Sorry, Lua, you’re the woman I want to kill most in the world, but I want to kill this guy ten times more than I want to kill you!”

Finally Claire concludes that ey, sure, he’s down with this, and they agree to get married. A few months later, once he’s bought himself a new name, they can be seen walking together in New York, arm-in-arm. And they lived happily ever after.

Implications/non-mook body count

Look, I feel really sorry for Lua here. Pretty sure she’s gonna kill herself.

How I feel about this ending

Well, I hate it.

The ending itself, other than the fact that no, really, I’m pretty sure Lua’s going to kill herself now and I don’t take any great pleasure in watching her heart broken, is moderately entertaining. It probably would have been hilarious if I’d been completely unaware of it. And there’s actually a picture of them walking arm-in-arm that’s pretty cute. I agree with the idea that both of them wind up being like “gender? who cares!”

But christ, Firo’s comments. Honestly I got a bit carried away ranting about these, so let's leave the full text of that on the tumblr and move on.

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“…I don’t know what to say. But if you want a different ending than this one, there’s one thing to keep in mind: Don’t throw Claire off the train. I know he made things rough for Czes, but this is even worse, right?”

How to get there

In the Ladd vs. Claire fight, choose to tackle Claire.

What happens

This choice actually precipitates a few separate things, and they are pretty much all terrible.

Ladd tackles Claire and basically winds up leaping off the train with both Lua and Claire in his arms. Claire reveals that the knot around Lua’s neck was a false one and is like, “Great, dumbass, now I’m gonna be late.” He saves Lua and leaves Ladd to fend for himself.

But we really need Claire to be on the train, and we begin feeling the effects of his absence almost immediately. In the engine room, the two engineers begin to hear explosions (Nice’s). In canon, Claire shows up and assures them that there are just robbers chasing the train, but they can lose them by going over a bridge, so no matter what they must not stop the train. …So, without Claire to give them that instruction, what do they do?

They stop the train, of course.

They pull the brakes. All throughout the train, there’s a horrid (really, very horrid) scraping noise and the train begins to slow.

*

So, to talk about just this ending.

Czes’s POV. He’s strapped beneath the train at this time, with the parts of his body that were ground off against the tracks still quite some distance away, fading in and out of consciousness and trying to convince himself that if he opens his eyes, he’ll be back on the Advenna Avis and the events of the last 200 years have been a horrible nightmare. (If you’re not familiar with this scene and you enjoy having your heart carved out of your chest by emotion, you should locate and read this scene.)

But, when he opens his eyes, he instead sees Isaac reaching for him–and sees the blood that has fallen from Isaac’s cut hand float back upwards and be sucked back into the cut. Isaac is an Immortal, and even once Isaac unties him, Czes’s right hand is still gone. He despairs–

And the brakes are thrown, and the sudden change in momentum almost shakes Czes from the train, but Isaac holds him fast. Czes is still barely holding onto consciousness at this point, desperate to not be eaten. 

The train slows, and stops. Miria leaps down (not entirely gracefully) and neither she nor Isaac notice as the rest of Czes’s body rejoins him. And he gets his right hand back–

——Yeah. Go ahead, take a moment. It won’t help, I tried, it doesn’t help, but at least take a few deep breaths.

——Ready to keep going? Okay.

He lifts his right hand to Isaac’s head, and thinks, I want to eat.

And then he screams. 

The first thought that enters his head is Isaac’s relief at seeing Czes that Czes is alive–at seeing him open his eyes and lift his hand. And following after that, purity and kindness and goodness. Isaac wasn’t trying to eat him. Isaac didn’t know about eating Immortals. He didn’t even know he was Immortal.

And the contrast between Isaac’s innocence and the betrayal and horrors that Czes has lived through is too great to bear, and he screams.

*

Miria doesn’t know what’s happened. For some reason, Czes’s body has come back, and then Isaac just–disappeared, leaving only his gunman outfit behind. When Czes stops screaming, she calls out to him.

“Czes? Do you know what happened to Isaac? You were right there, so you must’ve seen him, right?”

No answer.

“Can you hear me?” 

He… can’t. Miria gets close enough to see Czes’s eyes and there’s nothing there. There’s nothing behind them. Unable to cope with the enormity of what he’s just done and the contrast between Isaac’s personality and everything he’s experienced up until now, Czes has shut down completely.

Miria sinks to her knees and wails:

“Isaac? Isaac, where are you? Isaac, don’t leave me…”

Implications/non-mook body count

Czes ate Isaac and then shut down entirely. Miria–it’s not gonna go well for Miria, either, don’t make me talk about this. Stop. It’s not going to be any more pleasant coming from my fingers than it is from your own mind, please just draw your own conclusions.

How I feel about this ending

I didn’t throw my 3DS but I did slam it shut and shove it under the covers twice and also I read a large swathe of this (the actual eating part) through my fingers while whimpering, this is the worst, this is the worst, it can’t possibly get worse than this, please let me believe that. It is so much worse than 23 because this is completely in character on all counts. My god. I’m seriously thinking about it and I honestly do not think there’s anything anyone could do to make things worse from here. I don’t.

god, godddd, I’ve known this was a possibility the whole while, you know I have, I keep pointing that kind of thing out in the implications sections but I didn’t want to watch it happen right in front of meeeeee (wails and dissolves)

Chapter Text

Firo's commentary

“What the hell, Claire, this is too much! Say something, come on… aagh, he got away!

“Well, you know, er… how should I put this…

“Look, do me a favor. Just make this not happen, ok? Touch the screen, you know the rest.”

How to get there

As Claire, instead of letting Jacuzzi defeat the Rail Tracer, er… punch him.

What happens

Well, just prior to this choice there’s a completely canon passage of at least five paragraphs in which Claire waxes poetic about how beautiful, strong, and kind Jacuzzi’s eyes are. It’s very not straight. I thought you might like to know that.

In any case, he sees Nice next to Jacuzzi and notes how desperately she loves and worries about Jacuzzi… he doesn’t have anyone like that. He feels a little jealous of Jacuzzi.

–So when Jacuzzi runs at him, Claire punches him without thinking, right in the face.

“Oh! Shit!” he says, out loud. He meant to let Jacuzzi defeat the Rail Tracer, but instead he punched him with all his might. Jacuzzi’s nose is definitely broken, maybe even his neck? He’s out like a light so Claire grabs him and dives towards the opposite side of the train to escape. Jacuzzi’s at death’s door, and he drops the explosive and Claire is too late to do anything about it, and a few seconds later there’s an explosion from behind the train. Claire concludes that at least it looks like an accident.

He takes care of a few things and then returns to the caboose with one of the same bombs that Jacuzzi was carrying. He blows up the caboose to make it look like the conductor in there is Claire Stanfield and as his way of saying goodbye to the train.

Implications/non-mook body count

I… I guess Jacuzzi’s dead?! ??? Also, I might be wrong but isn’t that where Chane carved her message…? (I was wrong on both counts here.)

How I feel about this ending

This is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I–I’m not following this one to be very honest.