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There were a couple of things in the world Jeongguk took for granted - the smell of fresh coffee beans from his favorite shop downtown, the bills stacking up by his door every month, his undying passion for colored pencils and how he didn’t give it much thought to the amount of money he spent on them. Perhaps he had learned how to appreciate all these small but certain things because the rest of his life was always focused on the unpredictability, to the dismay of his parents, for sure. They had hoped to surf on the thrills of his success for a bit longer, no doubts.
When it all started, that whole dream his parents had and didn’t allow Jeongguk to have much of a choice, they certainly didn’t expect that fifteen years later his son would be sitting in an too bright basement of a even brighter house downtown, stuffing his face with a plate of gingerbread men on the 24th of December evening, of all days.
See, to understand this whole story we have to go back in time, back to when Jeongguk’s parents signed that contract for him to take part in a banana milk commercial at the age of five, his adorable expressions and bunny-like features guaranteeing not only that first ad, but a series of campaigns that got him known all around the country for the years that came after. Jeongguk became banana milk boy to his own self-brand and to others who saw him, getting invitations to park openings and free trials of new toys just because once at a mall a producer saw him with a little box in hands and those giant eyes shining like a thousand skies.
It worked for a while, that sort of career of his, but like all other child actor’s success, it soon came to an end. You see, kids grow up rather quickly, getting too big for costumes and losing a bit of that magical charm they once had. And brands, brands need to reinvent themselves, to always be on the crest of the wave, a new product, a new image, a new face.
So that was how Jeongguk’s career die d, on a beautiful Monday morning, after months of his so-called-agent looking for new jobs and not getting any listed. His time had past, the next cute kid with a big nose had arrived, and honestly, all Jeongguk wanted to do was to go to school and his taekwondo classes, not hot and annoying and loud recording sets every week. He had always been a shy kid forced to be extroverted for the sake of his job too early, so if in the years after he didn’t like to leave his apartment that much, working as a freelance video editor from home surrounded by two cats and a dog.
However, that in his parents’ book configured as heavy signs of a depressed, traumatized kid, and it was all on them to blame.
And that was exactly how he ended up on a support group for former child stars, signed up by his worried parents. How on Earth was that actually a thing was a mystery Jeongguk was still trying to crack, but he was getting better at that.
For example, he knew now that basement belonged to Kim Seokjin, who acted in a bunch of dramas when he was about ten and was pointed as the next big thing with the passing of the years, but dropped it all for unknown reasons. Agents still tried to convince him to get back to the screens with no success. Seokjin was well-resolved with his past and why he wasn’t a star anymore, Jeongguk found out in the first couple of sessions, so it was kinda puzzling why he was the founder of their mismatched group.
That of course, till he met Seokjin’s best friend, one named Park Jimin, variety show star who was replaced unexpectedly by a couple of golden retrievers when he was 12 years old and never recovered from the chock. It took years and therapy and the helping hands of Seokjin and Kim Taehyung - another child actor who never really wanted to be one and ended up going back to his farm days - for Jimin to get back on his tracks, and that groups was made for him. So he would never feel like he was alone.
The other participants of that awkward circle were Jung Hoseok, commercial star just like Jeongguk, and Kim Namjoon, kid genius that didn’t have many issues, but did have worrying parents and a stelar crush on Hoseok, and by the glances they exchanged one could say it was pretty mutual.
Then, there was Min Yoongi. Min Yoongi, raven-haired enigma who listened a lot and gave espetacular remarks here and there but never talked about himself, who had feline eyes and elegant manners, bitten fingernails and some sort of tattoo on his wrist. Min Yoongi who made Jeongguk’s heart skip a beat every time their eyes met, who smiled kindly and him and knew which tea the younger one liked, who was always dressed in black but was just another sort of light in that spacious basement.
Yeah, there was just no use in denying how hard he had fallen for the man.
And that was why he was especially glad that Christmas night, belly full with Hoseok’s delicious foods and Jimin’s cookies, boozed on the liquor Namjoon brought out and laughing at the most insane argument he had ever seen in his life, Taehyung and Seokjin on a dispute because they had set a very clear rule of no presents at that party, a rule that Seokjin broke without second thoughts - now all of them had these fluffy obnoxious sweater who had each a bad joke printed on them.
Seokjin was winning by saying he didn’t follow rules, rules followed him.
But most importantly, all that bubbly happiness inside of his chest came from the small fact it was Yoongi sitting on the chair right next to him, legs crossed and whisky glass on his hand, talking sweetly about the dog he had back at his parents’, Holly. It was the first time since he started going to those meetings that they were this close, and that meant when Seokjin gathered them for their final message, Jeongguk would get to hold Yoongi’s hand for the first time.
Yes, he was a pathetic man living out of crumbles, Merry Christmas to him. It was still better than nothing.
“So, all of you tasteless fools that didn’t fall in love with your gifts right away - I’m deeply offended”, Seokjin’s face said otherwise, like he was pleased to see the distraught on their faces opening the gifts, “But anyway, before we wrap up the official part of our meeting so we can all drown ourselves in Christmas punch, I’d like to say a few words. Please gather around and link your hands.”
“One year and I still wonder who trained him to do these things”, Namjoon mumbled, and the pinch he got from Seokjin seemed worth to him once Hoseok laughed his cheerest laugh in his direction.
“I got a certification online, shut up.”
But the bickering didn’t matter, not when Jeongguk had Yoongi’s ridiculous big-ass hand enveloping his, the skin warm and a little rough around the edges. Their fingers were intertwined, in a fitting that made the younger’s stomach swoon because… it felt like. Like they were made to be with one another. Yoongi didn’t half-assed hand-holding, no. He went for it, little squeezes here and there and his thumb stroking whatever part of the other’s he could touch. It was heaven. Jeongguk never wanted to let it go.
In the back of his mind he knew Seokjin was pulling out some really emotional speech - Taehyung was bawling his eyes out, argument long forgotten - but he couldn’t bring himself to actually listen to any of it, his brain not taking account of words when Yoongi was right there, when he could feel the lines of the veins on the top of his hand while the man smiled that gummy smile of his directly to Jeongguk, like there wasn't no one else in the room. Hoseok on his other side was receiving the weakest hold ever, but he didn’t seem to pay any mind to it, not when Namjoon was taking care of his other side.
“And that’s it, suckers, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass.”
“That’s not a very nice Christmas thing to say.”
“I’m pretty sure that is a song reference, Hobi.”
There they were, speech over, people moving around for booze and desserts and still… Jeongguk couldn’t let go, and Yoongi humored him. They stood there, hand in hand, just looking at each other for what it felt like an eternity, waiting to see who would be the first to move. The way he was unlucky, of course Jeongguk was the first to open his mouth, to let a stupid question slip on his tongue and get out in the air, heart racing from how much he was feeling at that moment.
“You never told us what brought you here”, it was more like a whisper, a secret shared between the two of them, “Like, what you were. Child actor, commercial baby… what?”
“Oh, right”, he chuckled, and Jeongguk could swear the man was blushing under those yellow lights, “I was actually a pretty normal kid. Never been to any kind of TV studio. Grew up prettily ordinary in the countryside, no fame at all.”
“So… why?”
“Namjoonie and I are childhood friends, you know”, the amount of affection in his voice too sweet not to swoon, “I guess I was his only friend when he was a kid. Tough days to him. But we never fell apart, and his parents asked me to come with him in the first session… you were not here yet. I did and it was nice. They were nice. So I kept coming for, you know”, and now he was bashful, definitely blushing when his shyness got to his voice, “for the hand-holding. I love it. Always did.”
“The hand-holding?”
“Yeah. That and a boy whose banana milk commercials I used to hate for being too cheerful back in the day. Funny enough he walked in one of these days, and I still couldn’t figure out why he looked so much like a bunny.”
And there it was, Jeongguk’s heart combusting, at the way Yoongi softly spoke those words, at how he looked at him like he was precious or something. At how they didn’t let go of each other yet, and how his brain was in a never-ending turmoil. Yoongi was there, throwing at him all the bait he could ever want.
He just needed to catch.
“Want to try to figure out while having hot cocoa out of here?” and if he whispered with not as much confidence as he wanted to, nobody needed to know. Yoongi certainly didn’t seem to mind. Squeezing his hand, he just smiled at him, pulling the man closer.
“I’d love too.”