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Anakin is tired. So so tired. Another campaign successfully pulled off and this time he didn’t even get a reprimand from the Council regarding his conduct! Still, he’s tired; fighting a war will do that to you. At least they have some off time on Coruscant in between the battles.
Any and all time off is a blessing and a gift worth hoarding.
The downside to being back on Coruscant is that he might run into Obi-Wan; especially in the Temple. Usually, he wants to be around him, but now… He’s tried to think about how he feels, he’s even tried to meditate on his feelings, but… but…
He hasn’t been able to sort himself out. He does trust Obi-Wan, but he also trusts Palpatine and Obi-Wan has always distrusted the man and disapproved of Anakin seeing him. Is that why he’s investigating him? Some sort of revenge?
It seems so out of character, though. Not just because Jedi don’t crave revenge, but also because it’s Obi-Wan.
But every time he tries to dismiss the doubts, there’s that voice in the back of his head: “But he’s always kept things from you, hasn’t he? He doesn’t trust you.”
Obi-Wan doesn’t trust Anakin, it has to be true. Just like the man only ever saw him as a burden during his days as a Padawan. Why else would he leave on solo missions so often? Leave him behind in the Temple—in the hands of the Council members and teachers, with no friends and no one to really talk to—as often as he did back then?
Was there any wonder why Anakin had happily accepted the invitations to meet with Palpatine, even though Obi-Wan and the other Jedi disapproved? He wasn’t a slave anymore and he wasn’t doing anything illegal or against Temple rules, so they couldn’t forbid him from seeing Palpatine.
It’s so unfair that they would be so suspicious of the man when for many years he was the only support Anakin could really count on to be consistent. Palpatine often took time out of his busy schedule to talk to Anakin, help soothe his fears and insecurities.
Obi-Wan would ask if something was wrong, but he never… he never pushed. He might have asked “are you sure” when Anakin said nothing was wrong, but he always let it go after that. Clearly he didn’t actually want to hear what Anakin had to say… right?
Over the years, Anakin has wondered if perhaps Obi-Wan… just… wanted Anakin to come to him? Didn’t want to push him beyond what he was comfortable with? But Palpatine… well, he’s always gotten the impression that Palpatine didn’t think so, that he disapproved a lot with how Obi-Wan raised Anakin.
In Anakin’s darker moments, when he doubted his place at his Master’s side, he’d loved that. It had made him feel better knowing that there was someone out there who didn’t think Obi-Wan was a shining beacon of Light and perfection.
But he remembers so clearly being small and wrapped in Obi-Wan’s arms after a nightmare. Remembers burying his face in Obi-Wan’s sleep tunics and breathing in the scent of security and home.
Only two people have ever been home to Anakin: mom and Obi-Wan.
He’s already lost his mother, he fears and worries about what he did when it happened. He wishes he could have talked to Obi-Wan about it, but he didn’t dare. He still doesn’t dare. He can’t even explain the extreme explosion of anger that came, that wiped out everything, even the grief.
So even though Obi-Wan is home in a way Anakin can’t really explain, he can’t trust him either, can he?
Palpatine was right after all: even though Obi-Wan has always complained about politics he’s both taken a seat on the Jedi High Council—which obviously deals with Jedi politics—and has somehow gotten voted in as Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. And he didn’t turn it down! He could have said no, couldn’t he?
Anakin sighs and buries his face in his hands.
He can’t seem to work this out on his own, he needs to talk to someone else about it, have someone help him clear his thoughts. Palpatine… No, no. He shouldn’t bother him with his worries, he probably has enough to deal with on his own with the investigations and all.
Anakin already feels guilty for unloading on the man before he went on this string of missions on the war front. He hadn’t even talked much about what happened to Palpatine. He should make it up to the man. Later.
So if he can’t go to Palpatine, then there’s only one person. Anakin nods to himself. Padmé. Of course he’ll go see Padmé.
“Anakin! You’re back!”
Anakin pulls Padmé into a hug and breathes in the scent of her hair. He’s missed her so much.
“Yeah, we came back a few hours ago. We briefed the Council and got our things settled in our rooms. Ahsoka’s talking with friends, I think.”
It’s not what he wants to talk about right now, but odds are that if he doesn’t say anything about it, Padmé will ask about it anyway.
He rests his cheek against the top of her head and tries to internalise the peace of this moment.
Tries.
It’s not working. His stomach is still churning, he’s still worried and he really needs to talk about this or he’ll blow up. He hates it when his emotions finally explode on him, it’s exhausting and he knows Obi-Wan gets disappointed every time it happens… or would be if he knew about it.
“Are you free to talk?”
Padmé pulls back from where she rested against his chest and their eyes meet. She must see something because her hand comes up to rest against the side of his face.
“Anakin, what’s wrong?” She blinks and seems to finally process his question. “Oh, yes. Actually, I was heading over to Obi-Wan’s office for a meeting, but I can definitely put that off for a while.”
She pulls out of his arm and her small hand wraps around his wrist.
“Come, sit with me on the couch.”
Obi-Wan. Padmé was going to talk to Obi-Wan.
Anakin would love to just suggest they go together, but he still can’t bear to face the man. Not until he’s sure what he’s feeling.
He follows her to the couch and sits down. There are datapads and flimsi spread out over the table, that’s not like Padmé at all. She usually keeps her office clean, especially when she’s going somewhere and she said she was going to Obi-Wan…
“What’s all this?” Anakin says and sweeps his hand over the table. It’s not what Anakin wanted to talk about, but something tells him it’s important. A fluttering in the Force that begs him to ask and listen.
“What?” Padmé looks confused for a second before she catches on. “Oh, it’s… it’s some of the research I had Ellé do for Obi-Wan. It’s a good thing you came, otherwise I might have left it all in the open like this, I’ve been a bit out of sorts since I read them…” She smooths a lock of hair behind her ear.
It’s almost disorienting to see her so out of sorts.
“Obi-Wan asked you to do research for him?”
What is it now? Is he asking Padmé to dig up dirt on Palpatine? Is he trying to discredit the man further? Is the whole thing just some weird form of revenge wrapped up in propriety and ‘it’s for the good of the Republic’ bullshit?
Anger stirs in Anakin’s gut and he finds himself clenching his teeth together. How kriffin dares he?!
“Oh, yes. Anakin, what I tell you now I tell you in utmost confidence, alright? You can’t tell anyone, it’s top secret. I only tell you because I trust you. Promise me, Ani.”
His anger dissolves as if in a bath of acid. He lets his breath out in a hiss and tries to regain his centre. Where did that anger even come from? He doesn’t even know what it’s about yet!
“I promise, Padmé. No one at all.”
If Padmé asks him not to tell anyone… well, okay. He won’t. Not a single soul. Not Palpatine, not the Council. No one.
Padmé smiles at him and squeezes his hand.
“Obi-Wan noticed that there seemed to be… discrepancies between mission specifications as they were sent to the Order and as they were when written down by the Senate.” She frowns and worries her bottom lip with her teeth briefly. “He had the horrible suspicion that maybe someone in the Senate was changing the specs before they were sent to the Order.”
Anakin stares at her. What?! If that’s true, isn’t it possible that Jedi have gone on missions that have ended in death simply because the mission specs didn’t match the reality?
“What?” he croaks, a lump forming in his throat. “Who did it?” Dread sits like a lump of ice in the pit of his stomach.
Padmé shakes her head and says, “We don’t know yet. We’re still looking into it. But…” She looks away for a moment, draws a deep breath and seems to steel herself. “I received a long list of missions from the Jedi where a specific Jedi had been requested, and they asked me and Bail to confirm that the original mission really did request that specific Jedi.”
“Right? Okay, that happens a lot. I know Master went on a lot of missions alone because he was requested… at least that’s what he said.” Anakin can’t help the note of bitterness that seeps into his tone.
“Anakin…” Padmé squeezes his hand again, she looks sad. “There were a lot of missions, and Ellé… When she accessed the files she realised there was a virus rewriting files! She neutralised it and managed to copy the virus code before she eradicated it from the Senate systems… but its mere presence made her go into the backup files instead. It’s very lucky the Senate has a lot of backups. Not to mention that several groups of systems occasionally get together and create their own backups. Like Naboo has with others.”
“So someone definitely has done something then? If they wrote a virus that would rewrite files if someone tried to access them?” Anakin swallows and struggles to keep his breathing even.
She nods, “Yes. but that’s not all, Anakin… A lot of the missions checked out, the specific Jedi was requested. However… Oh, Anakin, out of the many many missions that specifically requested Obi-Wan about 90 percent of them were changed. Someone deliberately made Obi-Wan’s mission schedule far busier than it should have been during your apprenticeship.”
He can’t breathe.
The air is molasses, he’s under water, there’s water in his lungs and he’s drowning.
He can’t breathe.
Someone deliberately got his Master sent out on missions. Someone deliberately took Obi-Wan away from him for long stretches of time. Someone deliberately sent Obi-Wan on missions where he could have died and been gone forever just like mom. Just like her.
He’s always complained that his Master was busy too often, gone too long too often, left him behind more than he should have, with just a small hug in private and well wishes on his classes…
Someone set that up. Someone kept Obi-Wan from being around as much as he should have been.
Anakin can’t breathe.