Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dan had just come home from school and as he lay in bed, he can't help to pull out his pathetic laptop and check daily booth . It was his life, he thrived off it, plus it was the only good way to stay in contact with amazingphil. Dan basically was in love with Phil and even though Phil didn't even know that Dan lived, Dan still made his effort to put himself out there. He would comment on all his videos and would even message him every now and again. It was one fateful night when Dan decided to send through as many notifications he can on every social media website he was connected to Phil with. It wasn't until the next day when Phil noticed that he had 104 notifications on YouTube, and a good 75 of them were Dan. So when he checked his inbox to see if the danisnotonfire kid had messaged him, and to no avail there was the message.

Dear amazingphil,

You don't know me, and I don't know if you'll ever even read this, but if you do by chance I just want to know, how was your day? I just want to talk to you, because you've been there for me, when even I couldn't be there for me. You've saved my life a few times, and I appreciate that more than you could ever know. But that's besides the point, I just can't thank you enough, and I hope that you reply to me, since I've been your fan since you've first posted up on YouTube. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this! :3 ^.^ :]

-Dan

-sent at 2:27

Phil can't wrap his mind around what he just read. He doesn't know whether to cry because this kid just told him that he looked up to him, that he saved his life. That was something Phil always wanted out of making YouTube videos. Phil wanted to help people, to make people feel happy, to help people smile more often, and here there was proof that he had done his job, finally he's doing what he loves. Phil decided to write him back.

Dear Danisnotonfire,

I just wanted to respond to your amazing email, also it thank you. I thrive for making people smile and it's seriously amazing to know that I've done so much for you, without really doing anything. And my day was okay, I mean I had a few rough patches, but other than that it's been a great week. And thank you so much for sticking through my videos, I mean I know they're not that raw black and white realness that I was selling back then, but it's been a pretty crazy ride this whole YouTube thing. And I hope to hear from you again, you seem really sweet. :3 : ^.^

-Phil

-sent at 11:45

The day seemed to only drag on and since Dan didn't do anything other than procrastinate, he felt as if he could just call his mum and she could come pick him up from school. Which she did, because she loved Dan so much that he could have never gone to school and she wouldn't mind, she wishes he'd participate more but respects his decisions. Continuing with Dans regular schedule of coming home, plopping onto his bed in his brown bedroom, and checking his social media websites. Which he started with daily booth, he waited for the ever slow internet and when the web page finally loaded, he realized he had a friend request, to his surprise it was Amazingphil. Dans heart raced and his mind wandered. He quickly went to YouTube, where he'd sent Phil the message, quickly checking his dashboard he realized that he had an email, from Phil. His heart pounded and his pulse raised. He clicked his inbox to read the small preview of the new email, 'Dear Danisnotonfire,' was all that showed. He couldn't open it yet, and honestly, he wanted to but his heart wouldn't let him. He's hands started becoming clammy and his hair started to slightly stick to his forehead. 'Oh my god, I'm going to have a heart attack. Oh god local boy dies from youtuber-based heart attack, just great. Alright be a man, just open it up."

-read at 13:45

Dear Phil,

So I see you've added me to daily booth and I honestly can say I don't think I've hit accept fast enough ^.^ you really are amazing though, it's not just your display name. If I could, message you on daily booth rather than here that would be awesome because the messaging system here kind of blows. But I mean, if you don't even want me talking to you, then I can totally understand. Just let me know, okay? :) thank you Phil, you've seriously made my life. C: ^.^

-Dan

-sent at 14:36

'Oh Jesus he's not going to talk to me, I'm just some kid who lives in a brown room stalking all of his social media websites. I'm a freak and I honestly don't think he'll ever even talk to me again.' "Daniel, could you help get the cat? He's got to go in for a check up!" "Yeah sure thing mum, just give me a minute." Dan threw on a gray long cardigan and some fuzzy slippers and walked down the stairs to help his mother getting the cat in the car. "Oh thank you Daniel I don't think I could have done it with out you." "Oh mum I'm sure you could have, but thanks anyway." His mum kissed him and said "Please Dan go out and have fun, I can't imagine being cooped up in a small room is good for you. I love you Daniel." She waited in the doorway for his reply. "Okay mum I'll make some plans, and I love you too." "Thank you honey. I'll see you at 18:30 for dinner." "Alright mum, I'll see you then." Dan closed the door and he sighed at once again he's left alone to deal with his life alone and it was these nights that Dan hated the most, they were the ones that his over active mind wheels starts spinning and he begins to think about Phil and how he misses him, and how Dan wishes to actually talk to Phil. Even though Phil's just met him he's known Phil for what seemed a lifetime.

New email. New email. New email.

Came across Phil's desktop computer and weirdly enough Phil's heart dropped to his stomach and he was in a cold sweat. It was kind of if he were in trouble, but he opened Dan's email and began to read.

-read at 15:17

'He knows I've added him to daily booth, he knows I've viewed all 30 or so photos he's got. He knows." He types into the address bar and hits enter. He sees a few notifications one being from Dan accepting his friend request. He clicked his face to view his profile and clicked on the little envelope that signified a direct message.

Dear Dan,

I hope you don't think I'm weird for messaging you twice in one day. But I just thought I'd let you know that we could defiantly message on daily booth(; and I love talking to you, for what little I have. Have you gone mad?! I honestly don't think you could bore me, you always have something to say, always. I've seen your comments on my videos, I think I've read most of your daily booth captions and might I say your photos are amazing! I'm really not trying to be one of those people, but why do you like me? I mean I'm just some derp in glasses who complains to a camera for hours, I just don't get it. I look forward to talking to you again! :]

-Phil

-sent 16:26

'I think I might actually like this kid, we seem to have the same music taste and style, the serious question though, is he bi or gay? I hate to be that guy, but I don't want to assume and make an ass out of myself, but I don't want to be a jerk and ignore his feelings. Ugh am I really ready for this?' Phil gets up from his slanted roof room and grabs a bite from down stairs. Dan is currently playing guitar hero, he seriously has every guitar and bass, he has the drums and three microphones. He believes that with different songs different microphones are needed. Dan has a dark red guitar that only he is aloud to touch, it's his baby, he's never lost a rock battle yet from using Delphox. Yes it's a girl, the only girl who knobs he'll touch, and Dan's the only one who'll touch her knobs. The laptop gives a little ding and Dan jumps from the floor to his bed flopping just in front of the laptop. 'Huh, I wonder who messaged me .' Dan runs his fingers over the overused touch pad and clicked on the message, to much Dan's surprise Phil had messaged him back.

-read at 16:35

He was excited to know that Phil wanted to talk to him, there was a point where Dan even thought Phil liked him, 'he'd never like someone like me. I'm just a pathetic kid who can't even be bothered to do any real work.' Dan never thought good about himself, yeah he was amazing at guitar hero but that was basically it for him. He never thought a positive thought about himself in years. Dan reads further in Phil's message; he gets to the part where Phil thinks of himself as just a derp in glasses. Dan's heart sunk because Dan loved Phil's glasses, so much so, that Dan wished he'd wear them more often. "Oh he'd gone to make me go off on him isn't he? I basically love everything about this kid and then he has the nerve to call himself a derp. I mean, if anyone is a derp it would be me. I mean have you seen me?!' Dan says to himself.

Dear Phil,

Are you kidding me? You're weird all on your own(; but that's just one of many reasons why I like you. Phil I don't just like you, but I'm not obsessively crazed about you either, there's a happy medium. I love your smile, because I don't know if you notice it, but when you laugh, you tend to stick your tongue out a little. I love your eyes, because I mean who doesn't? But that's just the stuff that's on the outside. Phil I love that you can care about anyone. Someone could be yelling at a chair and you would defend it. I love that you'd rather go the long scenic route than just going straight to a place because you're worried that you'll miss a squirrel. I love that you sit on the floor in all of your videos and when you laugh, you bring your knees up to your chest. And I LOVE your glasses, and you are far from just some derp in glasses, you're compassionate and beautiful and I wish you'd see you the way I see you , because you'd love yourself the way I love you. But I'm just some kid in a bedroom :)

-Dan

-sent 18:15

"There that'll teach him! He can't think of himself like that, he's amazing and perfect and uggghhsjsnzudkaleb." Dan said aloud. He normally talks to himself when he has a lot on his mind or when he's sort of angry. He loves Phil like a baby brother, and Dan is the only one aloud to pick on Phil, but if anyone messes with Phil they'll have to talk to Dan. Dan can hear his mom closing the car door downstairs, he closes the laptop and heads down to see if she needs any help.
"So what did you do today Dan?" His mother asked purse and cat carrier in hand. "I talked to a friend and I'm going to try to make plans with him later, see if he's up for it." Dan explains, without giving too much detail, because she doesn't need to know about Phil just yet. "Oh? Do I know him?" His mother looks like she's about to get everything she can about Phil. "Uhm, no probably not. He's doesn't really live in town." Dan rubs the back of his neck waiting for his mom to respond. "Where does he live?" His mom looked at him with an eye brow raised. "Uuuhhhmm Manchester." Worry appeared in her eyes. "Aaaand on that note, I'll just be leaving." Dan said as he was turning towards the stairs. "Oh hold up, could you bring in dinner? It's in the car." His mom hands Dan the car key, and with that Dan was on his way to the car. Inside was a small vet bag and some McDonalds 'yes!' Dan thinks to himself. Grabbing the vet bag in one hand the McDonalds bag in the other he closes the car door and heads inside. He places both bags on the table and reaches into the bag, grabbing two packs of chicken nuggets and heads upstairs.

-seen 18:35

Chapter Text

Dan opens the laptop and focuses his attention to daily booth and can see that Phil is online and just looked at Dan's message.

Phil is just shocked at the length of Dan's message, but it made him happy and excited. Phil was the verge of tears when Dan told him all of these things he liked about Phil. 'This kid is going to be something more than a kid in a bedroom, I can feel it.' Phil thought to himself. Thinking of what to say to that incredible message Phil turns on some music he's got a few hundred mix CDs but nothing actually sounded good, so he just grabbed one and shoved it into the old Sony Walkman, placed the headphones on his head and pressed play. The first song had played, which was Muse. Phil loved Muse, if it wasn't on all his CDs it was on most. Uprising was playing and Phil felt at ease, and writing Dan back seemed normal, and easy. Phil starts humming along with the beat.

Dear Dan,

I'm glad to hear that you're not some crazed fan girl who wants to tie me up and eat my flesh. I hate my eyes and my glasses :/ but yours are a nice smooth brown, and that's awesome. I don't know what to say, you're really kind Dan :3 thank you, but I honestly think you're more than some kid in a bedroom. You seem really sweet and companionate as well. And to much my surprise I like you too Dan. But I guess my question is more than like what you like about me, why did you choose now to talk to me? I'm sorry if I seem needy or stupid or whatever I just don't get a lot of people talking to me, these conversations are really refreshing :D I can't wait to talk to you soon ^.^

-Phil

-sent 19:02

-seen 19:04

Dear Phil,

Well how about we text? I mean it's a little more immediate than dailybooth? I mean it's just an idea, so don't feel obligated or anything. And you're wrong I am just some kid in a bedroom, except now I'm eating chicken nuggets :3

^.^ ^.^ ^.^

-Dan

-sent 19:27

-seen 19:30

Dear Dan,

Yes<3 (123)873-6449 Text me :D

-Phil

-sent 19:31

-seen 19:33

Txt from Dan: Hey(; what r doing?

Txt from Phil: danisnotonfire?

Txt from Dan: ya its me, srr should have said my name or something lol ugh

Txt from Phil: it's all good so what should your name be in my phone?

Txt from Dan: what evr u want it 2b. i think urs is going 2b Phillion<3 yeah i like that :3

Phillion<3: awh ^.^ that's adorable! I don't know I'm not creative!

Txt from Dan: what abt bear? My fam calls me that bcuz i give great hugs :3

Phillion<3: okai :3 bear it is

Bear: okai so what ru up2?

Phillion<3: oh nothing, might hang out with some friends. They aren't that great.

Bear: oooo what ru guys going 2do?

Phillion<3: we're probably just going to Old Monkey because we've got nothing better to do.

Bear: oh ive heard of that place, its got the really nice lounge abv the pub, right?

Phillion<3: Yeah it's that one it's practically down the street from where I live

Bear: oh yeah? well im just gon 2b here, eating chicknuggs in my bedroom :p

Phillion<3: Oh come on I'm sure that you've got friends crawling all over you to hang out with you.

Bear: ha, if only

Phillion<3: awe I'm sorry you could walk over here :)

Bear: oh ya 3 days l8er :/

Phillion<3: I'm sorry :( Maybe some day.

Bear: maybe

Phillion<3: Well I have to go, but I'll text you when I get back

Bear: i might b asleep since tmrw is school

Phillion<3: well, night then :)

Dan didn't respond. He felt as if he was bugging Phil as it is. Once he finished the chicken nuggets he stood up and went downstairs to throw away the empty trays and the dipping containers.

"Is there something wrong Dan?" His mother asked

"Oh nothing, I'm just really tired." Dan said walking back to his bedroom.

"Okay, I love you."

"Yep, you too." Dan shut his door and locked it so no one could come in.

He sat on the floor in front of his bed and sighed. 'I'm so lame. I don't have friends, and Phil knows I don't have friends. He probably thinks I'm so loser who stalks him. Just great.' He reaches from under his bed, and grabs a small wooden box. Inside was Muse's album The Resistance, an older portable cd player, and something wrapped in grey cloth. Dan closed the box and placed the cloth on top of the box, he begins to unfold to oh so familiar metal blade. He lifts it from the remaining cloth and placing it on forearm 'Come on ya wimp, just do it. I know you want to.' After slightly scratching his skin with the blade he hears his phone go off.

Phillion<3: Are you still awake?

'thank god Phil.'

Bear: yeah im here just thinking

Phillion<3: abt?

Bear: ya know teenagery stuff. like what will happen in 2 yrs what will i b doing with my life?

Phillion<3: y ru worrying abt that stuff now?

Bear: bcuz im weird and cant not think abt it.

Phillion<3: ya, ur weird thats right. but then again, the best kinds of people r weird ones. ^^

Bear: name 1

Phillion<3: me

Bear: ya ur pretty weird. and u r amaze okai ur right bn weird is a good thing

Phillion<3: that's right! lol so what ru doing?

Bear: i just ate a billion chicken nuggets and now im listening 2muse

Phillion<3: OM muse, which album?

Bear: The Resistance /3

Phillion<3: whyyyyyyy

Bear: cuz im alone but im okay

Phillion<3: well Im here if you need someone ^^

Bear: thanx

Phillion<3: okaay well Im goin 2bed super tired ~.~ zZzZZz

Bear: ya me 2, got school 2mrw anyway :/ night Phil

Phillion<3: Goodnight Dan :3

*BUZZZZZZZZZZ* *BUZZZZZZZZZ* (some old nokia ring tone)

'Huh?' Dan rubs his eyes and stretched on his bed. The sun hasn't even rised yet but it was 6:00 and he had to at school by 7:15 which means that he has an hour or so to shower, style, and walk to school. Taking his time he reaches for the phone that is plugged into the wall next to his bed and checks to see if Phil texted him. Nothing. 'He probably isn't even awake yet.' He lays back onto the bed covering his face with his duvet. UGGGGGGGGG he groans loudly. 'Well might as well look as if I care about school.' Dan rolls out of bed and sludges to the bathroom where he'd find a radio that has his bathroom playlist in it. Songs that are best sung in the shower and or the occasional bath. There are artists like Enter Shikari, Radiohead, Panic! At the Disco, My Chemical Romance, Muse, t.A.T.u, and the infamous Britney Spears. Dan locks the door and looks at himself in the mirror 'I literally hate everything about myself.' he shrugs his shoulders and starts the shower. Ensuring that it's not too cold, but not too hot the perfect warmth. Dan often thought of the warm water as his own blood, knowing he could never actually cut himself he always wanted to, but never had the courage to go through with it. Warm showers were never a good idea in the morning, they just made him even more tired after many renditions of his shower playlist he dried himself off and dressed himself appropriately which meant a baggy shirt, skinny jeans, and his old black converse. Heating his white ghd limited edition straightener he checked what time it was 6:25, and he knew that his hair would take 10 minutes. He decided to text Phil but he didn't know what to say so with nothing on his mind he says

Bear: morning:)

Nothing. Phil is one to text back as soon as he could, so either he doesn't have his phone on him, he's still asleep, or he doesn't want to talk to Dan. 'Oh God, what if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? I mean I wouldn't want to talk to me either, but I thought he cared. Just like every other person I've ever even liked. They realize I'm too far gone for their taste.' The hair straightener ticks to notify that it's completely heated. Dan rubs the towel through his hair to dry it as much as a towel could. He runs his fingers through his hair the flat iron following steam flows into the air, and the chunk of hair falls onto his forehead. 'ow' Dan jumps from the unexpected heat. After moments he turns the iron off, pockets his phone grabs his backpack, and walks downstairs.

"Good morning Daniel!" his mum said making some pancakes.

"Morning" Dan said walking towards the door.

"Oh you're not going to eat breakfast?" his mum questioned.

"No, I'm not really hungry." Dan grabs a hoodie, shuts the door behind him, and heads to school.

"All right, fine, bye. Love you too, ya turd." His mum said when she heard the door shut without a word from Dan.

Hearing his stomach growl he pulls a small mp3 player from his pack, he plugs the earbuds into his ears, and presses play. Dan pulls his hood up onto his head and slides his hands into his pockets. He didn't care to hear anyone, or anything else, he just wanted to hear Matt Bellamy voice drown out the world around him.

7:03

Phil woke up with a migraine and a half asleep arm. He rolled over revealing his shirt that had rolled up in the night so his stomach was bare. He kicked the blankets off himself and laid there for a moment, eyes closed just thinking. 'What am I going to do with my life?' realizing that today was video day he slid his leg off the bed the other following along. Rubbing the side of his face Phil walks out of his room to use the restroom. Upon opening the bathroom door he is overwhelmed with the smell of waffles. 'oh my fuck yes.' his feet shuffle along the wooden floor to the stairs where the smell is becoming even more amazing. 'my youtube name should be amazingwaffles. mmmmmmmmmm.'

"Good morning everyone" When waffles are involved Phil is a morning person, when it's just cereal or something plain he needs coffee before he's ready to talk to people.

"Morning Phil, what are your plans for the day?" His mum asks.

"I think I'm going to do a video today and maybe even go into town, I'm not really sure yet." Phil answers with a smile on his face, because there are 3 syrupy waffles on his plate.

Breakfast was over and Phil walked back to his bedroom.

He grabbed his laptop and placed it on a small table in front of his bed. He sat and checked his frame. Most of his videos were shot from his waist up and he always wore mismatched socks. They were cherries and watermelons today and he made sure to point them out in his video.

*bzt bzt bzt bzt bzt*

'Huh?' Phil thinks to himself looking for his phone; it was under his bed in last night's pants, dying. 'I've missed a text from Dan sad face.' Phil plugs in his phone and texts Dan back.

Phillion<3: Morning Dan, wouldve txted sooner but ate waffles. YUM! so hows school going?

Bear: im actually omw there now :/

Phillion<3: y the :/

Bear: bcuz i have a hate love relationship with school. i love my friends and some of my classes, but i could really deal w/o the douchbags.

Phillion<3: isnt that like most highschools tho? like i hated school 2 cuz the jerks that would pick on me

Bear: who could pick on u? ur like one of the few ppl who are good in this messed up world

Phillion<3: im far from good Dan, the sooner u realize that the better

Bear: wat is that supposed 2 mean? im not afraid of u phil

Phillion<3: just wait.

Bear: Phil?

Bear: Please Phil. What's your skype I want to know you're okay.

Phillion<3: PhilLesssster

Bear: Add me, please.

No response.

Friend request accepted.

Bear: I'm going to video call you, is that okay?

Phillion<3:

Phillion<3:

Phillion<3: sure

Chapter Text

Dan: "Hi."

Phil: "Hey."

D"What's the matter Phil?"

P"Nothing Dan."

D"If that wasn't a lie then I don't know what is."

P"Seriously, I'm fine. Nothing is the matter."

D"Then what did you mean?"

P"I'm always unsure of myself. I just-just... don't know."

D"Don't know what? That you're unbelievably incredible? That I'd rather sit and talk with you through texts then talk to my own family? That I care so much for someone who can barely love themselves?"

P"You… care about me?"

D"Well I-I mean that l-like we seem to be getting along well, t-that's all. Heh"

P"Oh."

D"But I meant ever thing that I said. Phil you're probably my best friend."

P"Friend?"

D"Yeah, I mean I dunno, I thought we were cool, ya know?"

P"Yeah well I'm going to go it's nice to hear what you sound like though. I think that when we do this again, it's got to be proper okay?"

D"Okay."

P"Bye Dan."

-Disconnected-

D"bye Phill."

It was about noon and Dan knew he had to go downstairs to tell his mum that he wouldn't be attending school today.

Dan opens his door when he his greeted by his mother looking rather suspicious standing outside his door.

D"Hiya mum, what'cha doing there?"

M"Oh Daniel you know, just in the area and thought I'd stop bye. What do you think I'm doing here? Why aren't you at school? And who were you talking to in there?"

D"Oh about that, mum my friend who lives in Manchester was having some issues, and I was scared for him. I didn't want him to do anything stupid."

M"Oh my, is everything okay?"

D"Yeah, well-I mean at least I hope so."

M"Well since I have you here, what would you like for supper? I'm thinking either cornish pastie with chips, baked beans and salad or perhaps even breakfast for dinner."

D"Yeah, or we could have pizza, or like... toast."

M"Don't you like my cooking?"

D"Well of course I do, but I'm a teenager who only wants to eat junk food, and listen to music in his room forever. Make whatever you want mum, I'll probably eat it."

M"haha alright love ya."

D"Love ya too."

Dan closes his bedroom door and plops down onto his floor. "Ugggggh what am I going to do with him? Why can't he see that he's so perfect? UGGGGGGHGHGHGHGHG." Dan sits up and pulls the laptop off the bed and sets it on the floor in front of him. He checks his daily booth and twitter for anything new. He's got a few comments on his photos, and 3 new followers. 'Queue the Rockband until Phil wants to talk or Dinner, whichever comes first.'

Phil was sitting on the floor of his bedroom and he realized that he was supposed to meet some friends in a few. Phil searches for his phone to text his friends letting them know he couldn't make it today. He got one reply out of the four he had texted. 'ya man dnt even worry abt it. got a date.' his friend was going to blow him off with out even letting Phil know. 'This sucks. I'm so stupid and lame. Even my own friends don't want to hang out with me.' Phil thought to himself. Phil got up and grabbed his laptop and listened to some music.