Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Being gay in South Korea wasn't easy. Being openly lesbian was even worse. But even more so was being openly lesbian and the leader of one of the most popular girl groups in Korea.

Granted, it wasn't until less than a year before 2NE1’s disbandment that Chaerin came out as lesbian to the rest of the world. Still, the reaction from the public wasn't exactly the best. International fans went berserk and most were insanely supportive. Those were the comments Chaerin loved to see. However, the people of her home country weren't exactly the kindest. The homophobic slurs thrown at Chaerin constantly over social media were enough to tear down her self-esteem, despite being able to keep a strong external image. She had to, after all.

The only person who could make her feel better about herself was none other than her bandmate, Sandara. For years, fans had shipped them together, dubbing them Chaera, and always finding evidence that their relationship was more than just friendly. The two idols always laughed at how indiscreet they really were, but it was fun to drop hints occasionally for the fans.

“You were way too obvious in those award shows, Chae.”

Yes, for most of their time as 2NE1, Chaerin and Sandara had been together as a couple. They had to stay hidden for years, because of the rampant homophobia around them and also because of the infamous YG dating ban. Bom and Minzy found out eventually, coming to accept it after a few weeks of awkward interactions, but other than that, nobody else knew.

“I know that the church tells you this is wrong, but we still love and care about you guys all the same. Can you let us love each other, too?”

Minzy leaving the group was the first blow to Chaerin's fragile walls. She knew that Minzy had been planning to leave for quite a while, and that she wanted to pursue her own solo career. Chaerin was sad, yes, but she couldn't have been more proud of their maknae, as she told Minzy many times as she held her in a hug on the day she moved out. She had always felt like an older sister, or even a mother to the youngest member. Now that Minzy was growing as an artist on her own, 2NE1 would slowly crumble.

“Minzy, you're going to do amazing things. You've grown into such a beautiful woman, inside and out.”

Bom's drug scandal didn't help either. The night that the story had surfaced in 2014, all three of the girls kept Bom in a group hug as she cried. They all knew she suffered from anxiety, and that the medication she took was a prescription from the States, but that wasn't enough to keep the netizens from attacking Bom to pieces. The girls never questioned her, they just helped her through the moments when she would feel as if she couldn't breathe because of unwelcome memories. She really needed that comfort the day YG announced why 2NE1 had disbanded. Those two incidents were the next blows to Chaerin.

“Bom did nothing wrong, why are so many people attacking her?”

Years come and go. Dara remains the most active out of all the former 2NE1 members, acting in variety shows, television programs, and even landing a lead role in a feature-length comedy film. All of the girls congratulated Dara for that great achievement. Chaerin swelled with pride for her girlfriend, and she couldn't stop gushing over how wonderful she was when she had gotten the role.

“I'm so proud of you! I told you you could do it, ma chérie.”

Of course, Chaerin wished that she could debut as a solo artist, but YG holding her back was causing frustration. She had written, produced, and recorded over two hundred songs, and they would probably never see the light. The nights that Chaerin came home and immediately poured herself a glass of soju were the nights that Dara knew Chaerin needed comfort and reassurance the most. Dara was always happy to give it to her favorite person in the entire world.

“You have so many people waiting for you because they love you, Chae.”

Chaerin made sure that her contract was not renewed with YG when it ended, and moved to another agency that actually treated her right and allowed her to finally debut as a solo artist. Both Bom and Minzy congratulated her online as well as in-person, but nobody gave her more praise than her precious Dara.

“I told you that they would still be here for you! Your GZBs won't ever leave your side.”

Chaerin truly had all she wanted. She still had her family, both her blood family and her 2NE1 sisters, she had her GZBs, and most importantly, she had Dara. She had her amazing girlfriend who was always there for her when she needed her the most. Chaerin didn’t know what she would do without Dara. For eight years she had been Chaerin’s support system - someone she could count on, someone who was always willing to lend her a shoulder to cry on. Someone who never failed to make her smile. Bom had once said that Dara could make Chaerin laugh like nobody else could. It was true.

Their schedules were busy, of course, but in the past few weeks they had both started to clear them up more and more. They weren’t leaving their careers in the idol scene, they were just taking hiatuses so they could focus on themselves. A few months after 2NE1 disbanded, the two bought themselves a house outside of Seoul, just far enough away from the excess attention. It had felt like home in the three years following the disbandment.

Dara yawns as she pushes the front door open, pocketing her keys as she glances to the living room. Chaerin was laying on the couch watching a movie, seeming intrigued. She sits up as she hears the door open, a smile breaking on her face when she sees Dara. “You’re home,” she greets, watching as Dara sets her bag on the dining room table then comes and sits by Chaerin, leaning into her embrace. “How are you?” Chaerin asks, her voice soft.

“Tired,” Dara responds, laughing a bit. “Very tired.” She pushes herself up and faces Chaerin, planting a quick kiss to her lips before moving to stand up again. “I’m gonna go shower.”

Chaerin wraps her arms around Dara’s waist and pulls her back down, eliciting a small yelp from the older woman. “No, lay with me for a bit,” Chaerin whines, pressing her lips to Dara’s jaw. “You’ve been gone all day.”

Dara grins and angles her chin up to expose more of her neck to Chaerin out of habit. “I know, but I feel gross.” She says, smiling.

“Please?” Chaerin chimes, laughing softly as Dara turns around to face her, sitting on her lap.

“Hm~ fine.” Dara says, feigning hesitation as she drapes her arms around Chaerin’s neck and rests her head against Chaerin’s shoulder. “It’s so nice to be home. I’m free for the next few days.”

Chaerin pulls her close, keeping her arms wrapped around Dara's waist. “It’s about time. We’ll get to spend some time together.” She says.

“Finally,” Dara murmurs. “It seems like it’s been forever since neither of us had nothing to do.”

Chaerin smiles and nods, pushing stray strands of hair behind Dara’s ear. She remains silent for a moment, holding her girlfriend close as the movie continues to play on in the background. “Hey,” she says after a few moments, causing Dara to look back up at her with a questioning hum. “There’s something I want to run by you.”

“What is it?” Dara asks, moving off of Chaerin’s lap and sitting beside her as Chaerin lifts her off gently. She gives the younger woman a curious gaze as Chaerin readjusts herself to face Dara.

Chaerin reaches for her hands, intertwining their fingers together. After a few moments, she sighs and smiles. “I want to go public. If you want to.”

Dara blinks, processing what Chaerin had said for a moment as her eyebrows furrow in thought. “Chae, are you sure?” She asks, gripping her hands. “The things people said to you when you came out were… horrible.”

“I know,” Chaerin says, glancing down for a moment. “But it’s been long enough, hasn’t it? Hiding away from the world?”

Dara bites her lip as she thinks before sighing. “I would love to stop hiding… but I don’t want it to hurt our careers.” She says.

“There will always be the intolerant people,” Chaerin says, letting go of one of her hands and lifting up Dara’s chin so she would look at her. “But the real people will stick around. It might be bad for a while… but it will pass.” She says, then smiles. “Besides, people are already suspicious about us. They have been for years.”

Dara can’t help but laugh a bit. Even to this day, they were still paired together. “You’re right…” She mutters, pulling all of her hair behind her shoulders. “If… if that’s what you want,” Dara starts. “Then we can.”

Chaerin seems taken aback for a moment, surprised by Dara's agreement, then smiles. “Are you sure?” She asks, confirming more for her sake than Dara’s. When the older woman nods, Chaerin pulls her into a tight embrace. “Thank you.”

Dara smiles, running her fingers through Chaerin’s hair. “I love you,” she murmurs, lips close to Chaerin’s ear.

Chaerin lifts her head up and presses her lips to Dara’s. She returns the kiss, keeping her fingers tangled in Chaerin’s hair. The two move closer to each other, their bodies pressing together. “Marry me.” Chaerin mutters, pulling away for a second as she meets Dara’s wide eyes.

Before Dara can form a word from her stuttering, Chaerin presses another kiss to her lips before saying, “I mean it. I love you more than anything. There’s nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Tears form in Dara’s eyes as the implication of Chaerin’s words finally hits her. Marry her? It had always seemed like a dream, a fantasy. With their lives and careers, Dara wouldn’t have ever thought marriage possible. Managing to grin despite the tears beginning to drop down her cheeks, Dara nods. “Yes,” she says, her voice wavering. “I will.”

Chaerin pulls her close, embracing her now fiancée close to her as if she were going to disappear at any moment. “I love you,” she says again, repeating it until Dara kissed her again to shut her up.

“I love you too,” Dara says, smile remaining on her face as Chaerin wipes remnants of tears away with her thumbs. A smirk grows on Dara's face. “Now come shower with me.”

The next few days seem to go by in a blur. Both of them brought up to their managers going public, and it was a fight to get them to agree. Eventually, Dara won for the both of them with her negotiation skills. She had always been good at persuasion. The morning after she proposed, Chaerin presented the ring to Dara properly, renewing all of the emotions from the night before.

“Is this how we're going to tell everyone?” Dara questions as the two work on making a late breakfast together.

“Hm?” Chaerin hums in question, glancing back over her shoulder at her fiancée as she mixes the soup on the pot.

Dara smiles. “We're engaged now,” she says, setting the timer on the rice cooker before making her way to Chaerin's side. “We can use that to go public. People love engagement announcements.”

Chaerin places the lid on the pot as she turns to face Dara, the corners of her lips upturned. “I think it's perfect.” She says, planting a kiss on Dara's cheek. “When do you want to do it?”

Dara shrugs. “Sooner than later, maybe…” She says, then glances towards the timers they'd set. “We have the time now.”

Chaerin follows her gaze, taking note of the fifteen minutes they had until the food was ready. “Are you sure?” She asks.

“Yes, Chae,” Dara laughs, nodding. “Should we go live or just post something?”

Chaerin grins. “Why not both?”

With that, a few minutes later they were sitting at the counter together, Chaerin's phone out and ready to start an Instagram livestream. “Are you ready?” She asks Dara, smiling when she receives a nod. Chaerin leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead. “Whatever people say, know that they don't have a say in how they live.”

Dara nods once more. “Ignore them.” She says, then suddenly leans over to tap the 'start’ button.

The stream opens up to Chaerin's protests of “I wasn't ready!” and Dara's laughter. Chaerin playfully smacks her shoulder and shushes her as she keeps Dara hidden from the camera's view for a moment. “Hey GZBs!” She greets in English, watching as the viewer count climbs and the chat begins to speed up. “I know, I didn't announce this stream in advance or anything, but I have a very special someone here with me for an announcement.” She says, keeping the camera on her for a moment as she scans the chat. A few people were predicting right, but most of the guesses were off. “For everyone who guessed…” She turns the camera to landscape mode and pulls Dara into view, “Sandara Park, you're right! Say hi, Dara.”

Dara waves at the camera, grinning. “Hello everyone,” she greets in English, her Filipino accent strong. “What else should I say?” She says to Chaerin, slipping back into Korean.

Chaerin laughs, responding back in Korean, “Do you want to tell them, or should I?”

“You do it,” Dara responds, keeping her hands clasped in her lap, out of the camera's sight.

Chaerin nods, then turns back to the camera and slips back into English. “Well… you guys may hate us for keeping this secret for so long.” She starts out, keeping her eye on the chat. It was going so fast, so she wasn't sure if she was just imagining it, but someone pointed out Dara's ring. “As many of you know, I'm a lesbian. But what you don't know is that I've been in a relationship for the past eight years. Or, maybe you have.” She teases, reaching down and gripping Dara's left hand as the chat begins to catch on.

Lifting up their entwined hands, Chaerin exposes Dara's ring, making the older woman laugh and cover her face with her free hand to hide her growing blush.

The chat explodes as Chaerin continues. “Since 2011, I have been in a relationship with Sandara Park, and in a few months, she will be my wife.” She says, unable to hold back her wide smile at the chat. Most everything was supportive (some were even typing in all caps that they had known Chaera was real all along), but the chat was moving so fast that it was hard to really tell if there were any negative comments.

“You're embarrassing!” Dara jokes slowly in English, laughing as she too watches the chat and lays her head against Chaerin's shoulder. “You made that so long,” she chimes.

Chaerin grins as she puts her free arm around Dara's shoulders. One comment in the chat that goes by in just a flash catches her eye:

@blackjacks.are.eternal: PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN SMFKSLCKEKSKAK

The younger woman repeats the comment out loud as she looks down to see Dara's reaction. They both share the same amount of amusement as Chaerin moves forward and kisses Dara, making sure that it was fully visible to the camera.

Pulling away, Chaerin leans back in towards the camera as she finishes. “With that being said, you'll probably hear less of us for the next few months. Now if you don't mind, we have breakfast to eat. We love you guys, goodbye!” Both of the females wave at the camera, and Dara squeezes in a blown kiss towards the camera as Chaerin ends the livestream.

“That went a lot better than I expected,” Dara says, turning back to Chaerin as the younger opens up the camera app.

“I told you,” Chaerin says, a smile on her face. “International fans are pretty supportive. Here, take a picture to post.” She says, taking Dara's left hand in her own to show off both of their rings. Both get the pictures they need, then make a post to their own Instagram accounts. Chaerin, true to her nature, makes her message short and sweet, but when she sees Dara's long and sentimental caption later on that day, she feels a pang in her chest that reassures her this isn't fantasy.

As you all know, I don't share much of my personal life online with you guys. Of course there are some bits I share, but bigger parts I keep hidden. However today is the day that I take a big step in showing you all more of who Sandara Park is.

I am bisexual, and I have been in a relationship with a woman for the past eight years. Because of this wonderful woman, I have been happier than ever before. She makes me feel as if life really has a purpose, and like I do truly have a place here. Lee Chaerin makes me feel as though I belong. Now, after eight years of dating, I will be marrying her.

Chaerin, I love you with everything I am. I am overjoyed to have the honor of calling you mind. Please take care of me.

I love all of you reading this message, and I hope you will accept me as I am. 💕

- Dara

Chapter Text

A few months later in the summer, Chaerin and Dara held a rather small wedding for friends and family. Neither were keen on the idea of a large celebration, especially since they weren't sure if they would be completely safe with one. Combining homophobia with anti-fans didn't seem like a great idea.

To both of the women's delight, Bom and Minzy were able to attend the wedding. Chaerin and Dara knew that they all had tight schedules, so when Minzy and Bom turned down spots as bridesmaids, the brides didn't take it to heart. They were just grateful that their former bandmates were able to make it.

There was no question about the location of their honeymoon. Going to the Philippines was Dara's first choice, of course, and Chaerin was more than happy to agree. She knew that Dara loved to visit the country she considered home.

In the weeks following the wedding, support was still pouring in for the two, but the hatred was, too. It started with comments on tabloid articles online, then with comments on their social medias, and now they were beginning to come straight to their direct messages. Chaerin was used to it. She had learned to set up her direct messages to be request only, so she could delete messages and block the sender quickly if need be. She had set this up on Dara's social media as well, with a bit of struggle, but the older woman still let those messages get to her.

One day in particular stuck out to Chaerin. She had returned home after a signing, tired and ready to sleep until she saw Dara laying on the couch with her eyes closed and looking uncomfortable. No, not uncomfortable… upset. It wasn't a usual occurrence for Dara to not be doing something productive.

“Sandara?” Chaerin calls out, walking over to her as Dara sits up, the exhaustion evident on her face. “Is something wrong?” She asks, sitting beside the older woman.

Dara hesitates for a moment before taking a shuddering breath. “I try to block them out, I do,” She says, her voice wavering. “But some people are so horrible , Chae. How can they say these things?”

Chaerin immediately pulls her into an embrace when she sees tears beginning to form in Dara's eyes. “What did they say?”

Dara pulls away and grabs her phone laying on the coffee table, wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater as she hands the device to Chaerin. “Just open it.” She mutters.

Chaerin hesitates a moment, studying Dara's face until she sighs. Gripping her wife's hand, she unlocks the phone and reads the incoming message on the screen. It wasn't long, but it was nasty enough to make Chaerin switch off the phone right away and set it down. “You know that it's not true,” She says, hugging Dara again.

Dara nods, burying her head in the crook of Chaerin's neck. “I know…” She says, her voice muffled.

“I love you for you, and nothing else.” Chaerin whispers, holding onto Dara as if she would lose her.

Chaerin still feels a rush of irritation when that memory crosses her mind, despite it happening over three months ago. She deleted the message from Dara's phone and took the next day off to spend with her. Dara was resilient - with enough reassurance, she had gotten over the words sent to her and was able to continue with her current modeling job at the time.

Now they were nearing the end of the year and things were finally starting to settle down. They still received dirty looks when they walked down the street with hands entwined, that was, when they weren't recognized. When they were, there were usually mixed reactions, though most of them were positive or neutral. It was better than the few negative interactions they'd had.

The snow falls outside in a quiet morning haze, causing soft disturbances in the light coming through the window. Chaerin and Dara were still fast asleep, Dara curled up against Chaerin's chest right where she could hear her heartbeat through the fabric of her t-shirt.

Dara yawns as she opens her eyes rubs them, attempting to get rid of the haziness. Cautiously, she removes Chaerin's arm that had been draped around her, careful to not wake her up. However, Chaerin stirs at the disturbance and yawns, making Dara sigh in her defeat.

“Morning,” Dara mutters, a soft smile drifting across her face as Chaerin rubs the sleep from her eyes.

Chaerin leans forward and pecks Dara's lips quickly. “Morning,” she replies, her voice husky from grogginess. Sitting up, the younger woman stretches her arms out behind her as Dara swings her legs over the bed and stands up.

“What do you have to do today?” Chaerin asks, keeping a sitting position on the bed as she watches Dara walk over to the closet.

“I have a photoshoot in a couple hours, but otherwise I have nothing to do.” Dara answers, pulling out two sweatshirts and holding them up. “Which one?”

Chaerin smirks as she glances over her choices, then points at the one on the right, one that happened to be hers. “Mine, of course.” She says, then stands up and makes her way over to Dara. “You look better in it,” Chaerin comments after planting a soft kiss on Dara's lips.

“Alright,” Dara agrees, laughing as she hangs the other sweatshirt back up. “What about you?” She asks, referring to their schedules for the day.

“An interview at noon,” Chaerin answers as she heads to the bathroom, keeping the door open so they weren't shouting at each other. “It shouldn't be more than an hour or two.”

“We should go do something later today, then,” Dara suggests, removing her t-shirt and putting on the sweater instead. Chaerin sneaks a glance, grinning to herself as Dara makes her way over to her, hugging her from behind.

“I agree,” Chaerin mutters, turning around and kissing the top of Dara's head. She drapes her arms around the older woman's waist, smiling lazily before letting go and continuing to get ready for the day. “I'll call you once I'm done, and we can meet up somewhere, okay?”

Dara nods, smiling brightly. “Sounds good to me.”

~*~

The snow had melted considerably over the past few days, even since the morning. It wasn't like there was much to begin with this year, but that didn't change the fact that the roads were iced over.

After their events for the day, both Chaerin and Dara had decided to take one car to to local theatre where a new musical was being put on. It was the one thing they could both agree on, since neither really wanted to see any of the movies currently playing.

Dara shrugs her coat on as the two walk outside, shivering as the cold bites her rosy cheeks. However, the chill in the air wasn't enough to stop her rambling critique that Chaerin had come to expect after every movie and play they watched. “The girl in the main role was good,” she continues, “but I think her best friend would have done it better. She just carried herself differently that didn't fit the role she had.”

Chaerin listens with a soft smile lingering on her face, draping an arm over Dara's shoulders as she speaks. “It was easy to tell they both worked hard, though. They’re both talented,” the younger woman, then glances sidelong at Dara as she smirks. “But not as much as you.”

Dara’s blush is hidden by her already red nose and cheeks, but that doesn’t stop her humble laughter. “Stop it, you're making me flustered.” She says, holding a hand over her mouth. “Besides, it's not like you're not good at acting.”

Chaerin laughs as she takes out the keys as they approach the car. “Yeah, I had thirty seconds in one movie and ended up getting shot in the head.” They both laugh at Chaerin's dark comment masked in humor, remembering her small role in an American movie a few years ago. The doors to the car are quickly unlocked, and both get inside as soon as they can to escape the cold wind.

“Here,” Chaerin prompts, holding her hands out for Dara to take. The older woman does so, watching as Chaerin cups them between her own palms and blows warm air onto them. Dara grins, pulling her hands back as Chaerin lets go. “Better?”

Dara nods, reaching over over to fasten her seatbelt after planting a quick kiss on Chaerin’s cheek. “Thank you.” She says, finding a comfortable position in the seat. “Now let's go home and get out of this cold.”

The drive home would be quick, only around ten minutes. But with the ice, and Chaerin as cautious as she was, it was easy to tell that their ride would be a bit longer than anticipated. The two were mostly quiet on the way, finding themselves more tired than they realized, but one particularly long red light prompts a few words from Dara.

“You know,” she starts, causing Chaerin to look over to her. “We haven't had a whole night to ourselves in a while.” She left her intentions open-ended, but once her lips turn up in a smirk, Chaerin understands completely.

“You're talking about this now?” Chaerin asks, glancing between Dara and the road ahead of them.

Dara nods, discreetly reaching down and releasing her seatbelt as she leans closer to Chaerin. “How long has it been?” She asks, her voice dropping as she runs a thumb over her wife's cheek. “A few weeks?”

Dara is barely able to close the space between them before bright headlights and a blaring horn overwhelm them.

~^~

Moments of impact… they could be anything. Bumping into someone on the street, a first kiss, an embarrassing moment in front of a crowd…

A car accident.

Some of these moments are so intense that they have the power to completely change who we are. Sometimes for the best. Sometimes for the worst.

Chapter Text

Chaerin's memory is a blur, and some of it isn't even there. Had she blacked out? Maybe. After seeing the snowplow speeding towards them, everything went blank before she regained consciousness to bright hospital lights shining in her eyes and voices shouting around her. She couldn't tell what was even happening before she fell under again.

The room is blurry when Chaerin comes to again. She thinks she hears someone speaking, but she isn't sure. It isn't Dara, either, so she doesn't really care. But as her vision becomes more clear, she begins to realize that this isn't her room. Not her home. It's a hospital.

Then it all comes flooding back to her.

Chaerin tries to sit up in her panic, but a gentle hand on her shoulder and a soothing voice convinces her that maybe she shouldn't run off to look for Dara. Not just yet, anyway.

“Lee Chaerin?” The voice asks, causing Chaerin to finally focus in on the owner's face. It's a middle-aged woman dressed in scrubs. “I know you're distraught. You were in a car accident.”

Chaerin's throat is scratchy, making words difficult to form. “Sandara… where is Sandara?”

“The woman in the car with you?” The nurse asks, pursing her lips once Chaerin nods. “She's alive,” the woman says, hesitating a moment before continuing when she sees Chaerin relax her muscles in relief. “But she's in a coma in the ICU.”

It wasn't death, but it may as well have been. Chaerin stares straight ahead, tuning out the rest of the nurse's words as self-loathing thoughts fill her head. Somehow, she manages to convince herself that Dara ending up in a coma is her fault. “I want to see her.” Chaerin says suddenly, cutting off the woman.

The nurse looks at Chaerin with an odd, almost judging gaze. “Ma'am, you need to stay here and recover-”

“Did I stutter?” Chaerin finally looks at the woman, her eyes narrowed as her fingers curl into a fist then relax over and over again. “If you won't let me then I'll find her on my own.” She says, completely serious in her threat.

The nurse hesitates for another moment, thinking of what to say before she sighs. “I'll make a deal with you,” she says, attempting negotiation. “You sleep through the night and let some of your injuries heal up, and you can go see her in the morning.” Before Chaerin can argue with her, the woman holds up a hand to stop her. “I doubt they would allow anyone in there currently as it is. They may be doing surgery on her as well.”

Chaerin studies the woman for a moment, her eyes narrowing as she gives in. “Fine,” she says, accompanied by a sigh. The nurse nods, seemingly pleased with herself.

“I'm glad we could agree.” She says, standing up. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

Chaerin stays silent for a moment, keeping her gaze ahead as she speaks. “I want to know what happened. How it happened.”

The nurse is stunned into silence once again. She looks for the words to say, struggling for a moment before she settles on something. “Your doctor will inform you of that. Get some rest, Mrs. Lee.”

Chaerin watches as the nurse leaves the room, keeping her fists curled up tight. She hadn't even noticed. Glancing down as her hands, she relaxes them, studying the small cuts decorating them. Caused by glass shards, maybe. She sighs as she sinks back into the hard pillow, her mind drifting back to Dara.

The lack of information was infuriating to Chaerin. She had no idea what had happened to Dara. Why were her injuries so much worse? All Chaerin could do for now was wait and hope for the best. Hope that her wife wouldn't meet death. Her eyes slip shut as she tries not to think of the worst, but the feeling of guilt was boring into her very being.

Chaerin didn't even remember falling asleep. She feels stiff as she opens her eyes, her vision blurry as she stretches her arms. It takes a moment for her to notice the voices outside of the room. There was one that she recognized, but couldn't quite pin down in her grogginess.

She tries to sit up, but hisses in pain when she puts weight on her left hip. It felt like she was being stabbed in the leg. “Fuck,” she mutters, letting herself collapse back onto the bed. She doesn’t notice the voices outside going silent until she sees a different nurse look into the room, then gesture to someone outside of Chaerin’s view. It takes her a moment to recognize the woman with the long black bob and round face, but it clicks after a few moments.

“Minzy,” Chaerin says, trying to sit up again. A sharp pain shoots through her leg again, making her groan in frustration as she gives up once again.

Concern flashes over Minzy’s face as she hurries over to Chaerin’s side. “Hey, careful,” she says, grabbing the older woman’s hand. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

Chaerin takes a deep breath and releases it in a frustrated sigh. She hadn’t ever felt so irritated and vulnerable in her life, not even during her rough patch in YG. “I’m glad you’re here,” Chaerin says after a moment, opening her eyes and looking at Minzy once again.

Minzy nods, sitting in the chair beside the bed. “Your mom and Harin are on their way. Harin called Bom and I, said you and Dara were in an accident…” She says, trailing off as she wrings her hands together out of habit. Chaerin grimaces when she hears Dara's name, a wave of remorse washing over her again. “I was close by, so I came as soon as I could.”

Chaerin is silent for a moment, processing what Minzy said. “Thank you,” she finally says, her voice soft and hoarse.

Minzy smiles softly, keeping a hold of Chaerin's hand as she leans down to hug her. The older female didn't even realize how much she needed the comfort until Minzy embraces her. Closing her eyes tightly, Chaerin wraps her arms around her, trying to swallow the lump forming in her throat. “They won't let me see her.” She finally says, pulling back. “It's driving me insane.”

“You need to keep asking,” Minzy says, the second-hand irritation visible on her face. She had come around quite a bit since she first found out about Chaerin and Dara. “You're Lee Chaerin, you don't stop until you get what you want. This is no different.”

Chaerin processes Minzy's words for a moment, then nods slowly. She was right. Dara is her wife. She has a damn right to see her.

The following days, Chaerin continues to demand to see Dara, but is turned down everytime. Her irritation festers, but she's good at hiding her feelings. Her family, Bom, and Minzy have no idea how frustrated she is when they visit her, but as soon as they leave, Chaerin gives into it.

She finally snaps a little over a week later when another nurse tells her she needs to stay in her room and rest yet again. Her leg was still very much broken, but by this time it didn't hurt as much anymore to sit up. Chaerin does so as she glares daggers at the nurse. “You're not giving me a damn reason. I've been resting for a week and I'm tired of it! My wife's in a coma and for all I know, she could be dying. I swear to god, if you don't let me see her, I'll get up and do it myself.”

The nurse is visibly startled by this, and stammers for words, before bowing once and muttering about retrieving a supervisor. Chaerin blinks as she the nurse leaves, processing for a moment what just came out of her mouth. She hadn't even thought about it. The words just sort of… happened.

Within a few moments, a familiar nurse enters the room with a pair of crutches and assists Chaerin in standing up. Using the crutches is uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the ache in her chest she'd been feeling for the past week. Getting to the ICU was aggravating and took way too long, but once they arrived, Chaerin felt her heart drop to her stomach.

She could barely recognize the woman laying on the bed as her wife. The bruises decorating her face, neck, and arms were a dark yellow color, but the stitched crimson cuts scabbing over were distracting enough. The fragile porcelain skin beneath was pale, and looked like it could shatter. It seemed as if the only thing holding Dara together were the multitude of machines hooked up to her, beeping at a constant beat.

Chaerin's breath hitches as she makes her way inside the room, collapsing into the chair set up by the bed. “Sandara…” She mutters, her voice hoarse. Without thinking, she reaches out to take hold of the bruised hand, closing it within both of her own. Chaerin drags her eyes back to look at the nurse still standing in the doorway. “May I speak with her doctor?” She asks.

The nurse nods, bowing before she leaves. Chaerin turns back towards Dara, simply taking in her broken appearance. She couldn’t even process it all. It was unnatural to see the “vampire queen”, as their fans called her, hooked up to IVs and breathing tubes. She always seemed so untouchable.

“Mrs. Lee?” A voice pulls Chaerin back as she looks up to see a middle-aged man in a white coat standing in the doorway. She bows in greeting as she turns towards him.

“I’m Dr. Jeon. It’s nice to meet you.” He says, returning the bow as he pulls up the other chair in the corner of the room. Chaerin simply nods in reply, unable to find her voice. “You wanted to speak with me?”

Chaerin clears her throat and nods once again. “Yeah, I just…” She starts, then trails off as she sorts through her thoughts for a moment. Her gaze is drawn back to Dara as she finally speaks. “What all happened to her…?”

The doctor also looks towards Dara’s comatose figure. “Her initial CT scan showed intracranial hemorrhaging. When it comes to patients with traumatic brain injuries as serious as this, we purposely put them into a coma to calm their systems and allow the brain time to heal itself while the swelling goes down. Eventually, we’ll slowly wean her off of it. She also suffered external bruising and lacerations, as I’m sure you can tell, and a fractured radius. Those were easy to heal, but the injuries to her brain will take time.”

It was too much for Chaerin to take in all at once. She struggles for words, never once taking her eyes off of Dara before she decides that it’s fruitless. “What’s going to happen to her, then?”

“We aren’t sure,” Dr. Jeon admits. “Brain injuries are unpredictable. But we will continue to help her as much as we can.”

The silence is palpable until Chaerin finally nods. “Thank you…” She mutters, bowing to the doctor. Taking this as her stop to the conversation, the doctor returns her bow and leaves the room silently.

Chaerin is eventually discharged a week later due to her small amount of injuries. Throughout that entire week, she spent as much time with Dara as she could when Bom, Minzy, and her family weren't visiting. They were no different than the times they usually went out and caught up with one another, but there was one day when Bom was visiting that stuck out to Chaerin.

The two were talking about Bom’s comeback as a solo artist earlier that year when a knock on the door stopped them mid-conversation.

“My apologies,” the nurse said, bowing as she entered the room. She held a small cardboard box in both of her hands. “May I come in? I have some of Sandara Park’s possessions that were on her during the accident.”

Chaerin nodded, beckoning her in politely. “Of course,” she said, accepting the box when the nurse approaches her. She bowed in thanks, not looking into the box until the nurse leaves. Once she is gone, Chaerin immediately dug around the box, looking for one thing in particular.

“What are you looking for?” Bom asked curiously after a moment.

“Her ring,” Chaerin answered simply, pulling out the silver band when she finds it. It was still in almost-mint condition. She inspected it for a moment before clasping it in her fist and placing the box on the small table beside the bed.

Bom just smiled. “You should go take it to her.” She said, causing Chaerin to look back up at her.

“But she’s asleep,” Chaerin responded.

Bom simply shrugged, giving a soft smile. Later that night, Chaerin took the ring with her when she visited Dara and slipped the ring back onto her finger. Even though she was still under the coma, Chaerin would talk to her as much as she could, but that night she only said one thing as she leaned down to press a kiss to her slowly healing forehead. “I love you. I’m still here waiting for you.”

It was almost three weeks after Chaerin was discharged that she got the phone call from the hospital, telling her that they were going to wake Dara up. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to stay silent and out of the public eye about the situation, but with all of her concerts and appearances cancelled until further notice, it wasn’t as difficult as it would have been. Now that Dara would be alive to the world once again, it would be easier to slowly release the story to the public, if they chose to do so.

Chaerin wasted no time making her way to the hospital, finding herself trembling with eagerness. She wasn’t able to express how much she missed her wife.

It was almost an hour before she was standing at the foot of the bed beside Dr. Jeon. Most of the machines had been removed, and the bruises and cuts on Dara’s face were beginning to heal over. They would leave scars, but that didn’t mean a thing to Chaerin.

“Okay, she’ll be a bit groggy. Let’s give her some space.” Dr. Jeon says, watching as Dara’s muscles begin to tense as she slowly comes to. Chaerin grips the edge of the bed until her knuckles are white. Dara scowls as her eyes finally open and she blinks a few times until she’s able to focus on the people in front of her.

“Sandara, I know this is a lot to take in, but you’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident, but you’re okay. You’ve been asleep for a while.” Dr. Jeon explains, keeping his voice calm and steady to not alarm Dara. “How are you feeling?”

She’s silent for a long while, looking between Chaerin and Dr. Jeon with tired eyes. “My head hurts,” she finally says, her voice hoarse from lack of use.

Dr. Jeon nods. “That’s normal. I’ll get you something to help that.” He says, turning around and walking off to retrieve some pain medication.

“Sandara,” Chaerin says, overcoming her shock. “It’s so good to see you again… I’ve missed you.” She admits, not taking her eyes off of Dara.

Dara just stares at Chaerin with an unreadable gaze, flexing her hand into a fist and loosening it over and over again, as if testing her ability to use the muscles. Before she can say anything, Dr. Jeon returns with the medication.

“She’s been waiting a long time for you to come to.” The doctor says, coming around to Dara’s side to administer the medicine.

Dara just closes her eyes and shakes her head, seemingly confused now. “She has?”

Dr. Jeon nods, making Dara look back at Chaerin, studying her intently.

“But… who are you?”