Archive of Our Own ^beta

They sit in the back of a police car while they wait for the ambulance to arrive. The roads leading to the camp are narrow and shoddily maintained, so now they have to wait. They can hear the sirens in the distance wailing their intention, but it feels like it’s been a hundred years already.

It was supposed to be a highlight, the seclusion, the isolation from the hustle and bustle of city life. Tonight it almost meant the difference between life and death.

They’re alive. But then he remembers that others are not and he wants to be sick. He sees Robert’s cold dead eyes and hears Bryony’s scream and his stomach turns.

Phil doesn’t seem to notice. He’s staring out the window with a blank expression, face lit up by blue and then red, blue and then red. Dan grabs his hand and squeezes way harder than he should, but Phil doesn’t seem to notice that either. He must be in shock.

That or he’s going to bleed out before the fucking ambulances even arrive.

One police officer did a half assed triage on them but Dan hadn’t missed the way his hands shook and the terror and panic in his eyes. He’d heard the call for the ambulance; heard the words shock and injured and multiple victims.

That officer is standing outside of the car now, keeping guard of them. Dan can see him shadowy against the window and the presence of one sole man doesn’t stop him from being terrified.

If anything, it makes him more scared, because he can hear other things, too; the radio that’s crackling to life every few minutes.

They’re finding bodies.

How many bodies? How many - victims?

Did anyone survive but them?

Dan’s heart feels like it’s crawling up his throat. “Phil,” he whispers.

Phil looks at him but he still has that blank expression. It’s like the words just aren’t quite getting to him.

Where the fuck is the ambulance?

“It’s gonna be okay,” Dan whispers. He’s not sure if he’s saying it to Phil or to himself, he just knows that he needs it to be true.

“Hm?”

Phil’s skin looks like… like milk that’s gone off. Pale and shallow and lifeless in a way that human skin never should.

Fuck, he’s thinking about Robert again. He doesn’t want to think about Robert when he’s looking at Phil. Anger surges up hot in his throat and he bangs on the window to get the attention of Officer Whatever-the-fuck.

The bloke jumps, full on. Dan would laugh if he wasn’t the one person standing between them and the possibility of a deranged psychopathic axe murderer returning to finish what he started.

“What?” he says gruffly.

Dan opens his mouth to say something definitely ill advised when the sirens are suddenly right there and three ambulances drive up one behind the other. Dan’s heart nearly leaps out of his chest and he follows suit by leaping out of the car, ignoring the protest from the useless cop and heading straight for the paramedic who’s already walking towards him.

“You’ve got to help him,” Dan says, because in his fogged up brain he really feels like he needs to be the person to make sure Phil gets help. Phil is hurt and the fucking police aren’t don’t anything-

“That’s what we’re here to do.” The paramedic has smooth dark skin and eyes that Dan would probably consider kind in any other circumstance, but he doesn’t give a fuck about her kindness right now.

He just has to help Phil.

“He’s in the car, and he’s hurt-”

“Show me,” she says, and the clawing feeling in his chest abates just a little bit. She looks over her shoulder before following him, gesturing.

Two men come behind her with a stretcher and as they load Phil onto it, Dan gets a look at the seat of the car Phil had been sitting on. He sees the blood smeared across it, not even dry yet, and the only reason he doesn’t stop to be sick is because he doesn’t want to be too far from Phil.

-

They let him ride in the ambulance with Phil.

In his mind, that’s why he’s here; just to be with Phil.

He doesn’t realize until the woman presses a stethoscope to his chest and asking him questions that he’s not just riding in this ambulance as accompaniment.

He’s being checked out as well.

“I’m fine,” he snaps. “Phil’s the one that’s hurt.”

“I know,” she says, nodding. “And Bruce over there is taking care of him. See? You can watch. Bruce is one of the best, but I know you and your mate have been through it tonight. You don’t have to take your eyes off of him, but you do need to answer some questions for me.”

Dan nods jerkily. “I’m fine, though.”

“I’ve still got to check you out. Can you tell me your name?” She rattles off questions, and Dan tries to answer them all.

He only stops when he sees them doing something to Phil. “What’s that?” He asks, alarmed as he watches a breathing mask be fitted over Phil’s mouth. “What’s happening?”

“It’s just to make things more comfortable for him,” she says. Her voice is calm and even.

Dan patently ignores it, frantically calling out, “Phil-”

Phil turns to look at him. He’s blinking hazily and his pupils seem massive but his eyes lock onto Dan’s and he reaches a hand out, fingers flexing.

Dan grabs it without thought. “Are you ok?”

Phil nods, then lets his head drop back down and his eyes shut.

“Phil!” Dan shouts, squeezing his hand. Phil squeezes back but that’s all the reaction Dan gets before he feels a hand on his shoulder and the infuriatingly lulling tone of the paramedic.

“He’s alright. His vitals look good considering how much blood he’s lost. He’s going to be fine, yeah?”

Dan doesn’t answer, doesn’t take his eyes off Phil’s face, or what he can still see of it now that he’s got that mask on.

“Dan?”

Finally Dan turns around, startled that she’d remembered his name. Maybe that’s stupid; he doesn’t know, he’s never been in this situation before. The worst injury he’d ever sustained was a fucking chipped tooth.

“Do you know what blood type he is?”

Dan frowns. “No. I don’t even know what type I am.”

She nods, squeezing his shoulder. “It’s ok. It was a long shot. We’ll take care of him. What I need from you is for you to focus on yourself right now, yeah?”

Dan shakes his head. “I’m fine.”

“Your blood pressure says otherwise.”

“I’m-” He doesn’t know what she expects from him. “I saw dead bodies. He had a fucking axe and he murdered people.”

She can’t quite hide the shock and horror on her face, but she tries. “I know. It sounds like a horrifying thing you’ve just been through. But you’re safe now, alright? You and your mate are both safe and we’re going to get you to the hospital as quickly as we can.”

He looks at Phil, feels how lax Phil’s fingers are in his own, and hopes she’s right.

-

The rest of the ride is a blur that he won’t remember much of later. He sees them cut Phil’s trousers off, and wrap his leg tightly. He hears them consult in low, weirdly even tones about heart rates and blood pressure.

He doesn’t even know where they are when the ambulance doors open. There’s a burst of activity all at once, Phil on his stretcher being pulled out and so many voices all talking over each other. They seem to understand everything and Dan doesn’t understand anything, he just knows he’s not letting go of Phil’s hand no matter who tells him that he has to.

He hears his own name being said by one of them men who had been working on Phil. “-checked out fine, mild shock and some minor bruising and abrasions on his feet-”

The paramedic who had been tending to him in the ambulance looks at him. “Dan, they’re going to take care of your mate, alright? He needs his leg stitched up and he’s lost a lot of blood, but he’s going to be alright. What he’s going to need from you right now is he be calm and make sure he knows he’s okay, yeah? He’s in shock, but that’s going to wear off.”

He can’t pinpoint why, but her words make him burst into tears. “They’re going to make me leave him.”

“They might for a few minutes, but if they do it’ll be important, alright? They’re going to ask you some more questions like I did, so that they can get your families rung. You want to talk to your mum and dad a lot, I bet? You don’t want them to be worried, nor Phil’s either. Phil needs you to be strong for him right now.”

He wipes the tear streaks from his face and nods, but before he can reply they start to wheel Phil off and Dan runs after.

-

Dan doesn’t make things easy for any of the nurses or doctors who get the bad luck of needing to tend to Phil— or Dan himself. They tell him he needs a bed and fluids and he almost pitches a fit. They make him sign a form that says he won’t sue them if something goes wrong as a result of lack of treatment.

He can’t be in a bed with a needle in the back of his hand right now, he just can’t. It’s bad enough that Phil is. Dan needs to be here for Phil, the lady said so himself. Phil needs him.

He needs to be ready. He can’t be vulnerable. What if… what if he comes back? What if he tracks them here? Dan can’t let his guard down. It’s the only reason they’ve even made it this far in the first place.

They almost call security when Dan tries to force his way into radiology. Phil needs an x-ray on his leg and Dan panics when they say he’s not allowed in there.

It’s not until Phil takes his hand and says, “I’m ok, Danny,” in a soft voice that Dan finds the will within himself to take a breath. He looks down at Phil and his heart wrenches for how small and broken Phil looks sat in his wheelchair. “They just need to take a picture of my bones,” Phil says.

Dan starts crying. He doesn’t even know why. A pretty nurse with red hair holds him around the shoulders and tells Dan he can wait in Phil’s room.

“Make you sure you come back to me,” Dan says firmly.

“I will.” Phil smiles.

“He will,” the nurse assures him. She takes Dan to Phil’s room and sits him down and gives him a tablet and a big cup of water and tells him to take it. “This will make you feel calmer,” she says.

He feels the fight going out of him the instant he swallows it down. “I’m tired,” he tells her.

She nods. “The adrenaline is wearing off now.”

She starts to ask him some more questions, the ones that paramedic had told him were coming - questions about Phil’s family, how they might get in touch with his mum or dad, with anyone in his family who might want to come to see him.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t - I don’t know anything. He’s got a brother? His brother’s name is Martyn. I don’t know what else. Can’t Phil tell you? Can’t you ask him when he comes back? He’ll be back, right?”

His voice grows more and more shrill with the questions.

“We can, and we will,” she says, trying to soothe him. “That’s not a concern you need to have. Once the x-ray is done, he’ll be wheeled back in here and he’ll go right into that bed there.”

He sniffles. He doesn’t know if he trusts her.

He doesn’t know if he trusts anything right now. He looks down at his hands, and then squeezes his eyes shut. There’s still blood on them and he doesn’t want to see. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Everyone else?” She asks.

“Are they all dead?” He feels his heart start to pound. “Where are they?”

She hesitates visibly. “There were some other survivors,” she finally says. “But we don’t have names, and I couldn’t tell you yet if we did. Right now it’s just best that you focus on yourself and on Phil, alright?”

Other survivors.

He hopes one of them is Bryony.

He feels cold and sick and even more tired now.

When he starts to cry again, it’s silently.

“Dan,” she says, reaching out and putting a hand on his knee. “Is there someone you need to call?”

-

It’s the middle of the night, apparently. He hadn’t kept track of time at all.

His mum is shocked and confused. “But you’re at camp,” she says.

“No.” He wraps his arms around himself. The hospital phone smells weird and feels like heavy plastic against his face. “Something happened.”

-

The nurse sits with him the entire half hour it takes Phil to come back from radiology.

“Phil-” Dan scrambles to his feet.

Phil looks more alert now, but terrified. “Dan! I thought you’d left.”

“I wouldn’t leave,” Dan swears.

An orderly helps Phil up onto the bed and the nurse tells him a doctor will be in eventually with his results.

“Ring the bell if you need anything,” she says sternly. “Don’t try to get up by yourself.” She looks at Dan. “Make sure he doesn’t walk on that thing.”

Dan nods. He doesn’t think he’s ever taken anything more seriously in his entire life.

He pulls a chair right up to Phil’s bedside once she’s gone, clutching Phil’s hand in both of his like Phil’s his last connection left to this world. In some ways that’s exactly what it feels like.

“You look so scared,” Phil says quietly.

“Aren’t you?”

Phil bites his lip, then nods. “I can’t remember what happened after… after running for the woods. And… and Bryony.”

Dan’s stomach does that nasty clenching thing again. He can hear her scream ringing in his ears. “We ran,” Dan says, voice shaky. “We made it.”

“But we don’t know about…?”

Dan shakes his head. “They won’t tell me anything.”

“Maybe they don’t know yet,” Phil says. “Shouldn’t they be asking us questions?”

“They’ve asked me a billion questions already. They asked me what blood type you are.”

“I don’t even know that,” Phil says. He looks down at the needle stuck in the back of his hand and the plaster in the crook of his arm. “Guess they figured it out.”

“Yeah,” Dan croaks. “I was— you really scared the fuck out me, Phil.” Dan’s voice breaks on the last word.

“Sorry.” He squeezes Dan’s hand and tries to smile. “I’m alright. We made it, yeah?”

Dan nods. It’s true that there’s a bit more colour in Phil’s cheeks now, and he seems to be more aware of what’s happening.

“Shouldn’t the police be asking us stuff?” Phil says.

Dan blinks at him. “Oh. I guess - yeah. That’s weird.”

He looks out the door, like a policeman will magically appear.

No one does.

Dan’s glad. He’s not sure he could handle being asked a lot of questions right now. He still feels sick and he’s not sure he’s ever been more tired in his life, but it’s like someone put live wires under his skin.

“You’re okay,” Dan says.

Phil nods. “I’m okay. Feel like shit, though. My leg hurts so much. But I can think again. I couldn’t think earlier and it was so weird. Like someone stuffed cotton in my head.”

The nurse from before pokes her head in the door. “I hope I’m not interrupting,” she says, as she walks in without waiting for a response. She looks toward Dan. “I found some scrubs that look like they’d fit you, and we’ve got some slippers here. Thought you might want to clean up a bit.”

Phil looks at Dan like he’s seeing him for the first time, the blood on Dan’s hands and on his shirt and even dried on his jeans. “You’re hurt!” Phil exclaims.

Dan shakes his head. “I think it’s yours.”

Phil seems to go paler. Dan grabs the scrubs from the nurse and walks into the bathroom without even thanking her. He gets out of his clothes first and then scrubs at his hands until the skin is pink and raw.

“Dan,” Phil calls out, and that’s the only thing that stops him scrubbing until he draws blood of his own.

“Yeah,” he croaks, looking at his face in the mirror. It doesn’t match the inside of him; he still looks exactly the same as he had this morning. He still looks like a kid.

He puts the scrubs on and opens the door.

Phil still looks terrified. “What happened?”

“You already know what happened,” Dan whispers. “But you’re okay now.”

“I asked her if the police were going to talk to us,” Phil says. “She said yeah, but she didn’t know when. She told me to try and get some sleep before they came. She said they gave me stuff for the pain when they did my stitches, and it’s going to make me sleepy fast.”

Dan nods and sits back down in the chair. “You should, then.”

Phil’s eyes are big and concerned. “But what about you?”

“I’ll stay here.” Dan straightens his shoulders. “Nothing is gonna get you.”

Phil smiles at that and murmurs, “You’re so sweet.”

Dan ducks his head down. For a moment, just a moment, it just feels like a boy he likes a whole lot said something nice about him.

Then the weight of reality resettles on his skin. “I just can’t lose you.”

“Dan. You’re not going to,” Phil says. “But that’s not what I meant. I just - you should sleep, too.”

Dan shakes his head. “I can’t. I don’t even want to close my eyes.”

“I think that things are gonna get harder soon.” Phil sounds like he’s comforting Dan now, in a weird way. “I think something really bad happened tonight, and I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“I’m not going—”

“Dan.” Phil interrupts him. “Come here?”

Dan’s heart does funny things. He nods shakily and then crawls onto the bed, being as careful as he can with Phil. There really isn’t room for him and he’s terrified he’s going to hurt Phil’s mangled leg, but he can’t say no when Phil looks at him like that, when he’s being so naked about his fear.

It’s fear that Dan feels too, fear that this right now is a dream and any moment he’s going to wake up hidden under the bunk or running through the woods dragging Phil’s dead weight. He hasn’t processed what happened to them tonight let alone the fact that they’d managed to escape.

He doesn’t feel safe. It doesn’t feel like they escaped. He lays down next to Phil and curses the evil in the world that stole all the sweetness from a moment that should be sweet.

He lies down on his side and looks at Phil’s face. Phil reaches out for him, dropping his a hand on Dan’s arm and stroking his skin. Dan eyes fall shut for just a moment.

“Are you worried about someone seeing?” Phil whispers.

There’s a beeping sound in the background. Dan’s not sure if it’s Phil’s heart rate or what, but it’s a disconcerting sound that he hates. He wants to go back to the sounds of a crackling bonfire and crickets and counsellors laughing. He wants to go back to the other bed he’d been laid in with Phil tonight. He wants to be that Dan again, the one who was only thinking about happy he was to be in half naked in bed with Phil.

“No,” he says, because he’s not. It seems ridiculous that that’s something he would’ve ever worried about before. “Are you?”

Phil shakes his head. “Couldn’t give less of a fuck.”

Dan actually smiles a little at that. In all the summers they’ve spent together at this camp he reckons he’s never once heard Phil say fuck. It feels fitting now.

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“I’m not out,” Phil says.

“To anyone?”

“Only you. And I guess whoever decides to come into this room tonight.”

It hits Dan then that he really doesn’t know much about Phil at all. They’d gone through hell together and saved each other’s lives more than once and shared the best kiss of Dan’s life, but for all intents and purposes Phil is still barely more than an acquaintance. They don’t keep in touch once the summers are over, they’ve never really talked about anything deep.

“I’m out to my ex girlfriend,” Dan says.

Phil sounds surprised. “You had a girlfriend? So you’re like-”

Dan shrugs. They’re both looking up to the ceiling but he knows Phil can feel it because their shoulders are pressed together. “Bi, I guess? I mean, I thought I was straight, then I went to camp once and met this boy…”

Phil looks at him with wide eyes. “Me?” He squeaks.

Dan laughs just a little. “Yeah, it’s weird because like, you’re not the only boy I’ve had a crush on. But I think you were the first.”

“Dan.” Phil reaches down between them, fumbling until he can grab Dan’s hand again. “I’m so glad you’re here right now. I think I’d be dead without you. I - I know I would.”

Fresh tears fill Dan’s eyes. He’s tired of crying but his emotions don’t want to listen to him.

“I’d be dead without you, too, so it’s a good fucking thing we had each other.” He thinks about the people who probably didn’t have anyone and he feels sick. “She said there were other survivors. So we’re not the only ones.”

“My mum… they let me ring her before I came back here, and she said - she said ‘is everyone okay’ - and I couldn’t even talk.”

“Are your parents coming?” Dan asks. “Mine are but they have to find someone to watch my brother first. They probably won’t be here until morning.”

His mum had asked if he needed one of them to come right away, but he’d said no. He doesn’t want anything to take him away from Phil. It makes him feel a little guilty but he can’t shake the feeling that it’s just the two of them against the world now.

“My parents have to fly in.” Phil’s voice breaks a bit. “They were on Isle of Man. They spend every summer there now. I was supposed to go join them once camp was over.”

Dan squeezes Phil’s hand tight. “I’m gonna stay with you.”

Phil turns his head toward Dan. He’s crying too and Dan can see cuts and scrapes on his face now. He remembers limbs slapping their faces as they ran through the woods; he probably looks just as bad.

“My mum cried,” Phil says weakly.

“It’s ok, Phil. They’ll be here. You’re safe now.”

It’s a little bit insane that he can even say that. It’s not how he actually feels, but something about Phil makes him want to be stronger than he really is. His chest tightens when he thinks of Phil’s parents arriving tomorrow and of having to say goodbye for a whole summer.

Or maybe even forever.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he chokes, because there’s a hard limit to his bravery.

Phil’s eyes go wide. “What? What d’you mean?”

“I reckon we don’t have a summer together anymore,” Dan says quietly.

Phil is quiet for a moment, chewing his lip and looking into Dan’s eyes. His own are heavy-lidded and sleepy and Dan thinks he probably doesn’t have too much lucid conversation left.

“Do you think the universe is punishing us?” Phil asks.

“For what?”

Phil shrugs and looks away.

Dan’s stomach drops. “Hey,” he says firmly, wrapping his arm around Phil’s lower back and risking pulling him in closer. “Listen. Look at me.”

Phil does, reluctantly.

“We didn’t do anything wrong. Fuck the universe. It doesn’t get to decide for us.”

Phil laughs wetly, and then almost instantly his face contorts and he yelps. “Fuck.”

Dan’s heart beat explodes, blood pulsing so hard it feels like it’s going to pump right out of his goddamn body. “What?”

Phil shakes his head. “S’fine. Just my leg. Must’ve moved it wrong.”

“God, Phil.” He clutches his chest and tries to catch his breath. “You can’t do that.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry. You’re still freaked out.”

Dan shakes his head, a bold faced lie but one he’s not going to feel guilty about telling. “Just worried about you.”

“Don’t worry. It’s just a bit of pain.”

Dan frowns. “Where the fuck is the doctor?”

“It’s fine,” Phil says. “I’m sure they’re really busy. I just need to try not to move it.”

“I wish it’d been me instead.”

“No,” Phil says. “I’m glad it wasn’t. Don’t say stupid things.”

Dan actually cracks a smile. God, he really likes this guy. In the fight for their lives and the shock of the aftermath it’d been easy to feel bonded, to forget the realities of their situation. But the truth is that they’re at the very beginning of something - or they were anyway. Phil’s still the guy who makes Dan feel all fluttery and nervous inside. He’s still just the guy Dan’s lucky enough is equally as smitten.

They’re not boyfriends. They’re just blokes who like each other and shared a heated kiss before their lives were turned upside down.

“I really like you, Phil.”

“I really like you, too.” Phil gets a determined look on his face. “They said my ankle might need surgery, depending on what the x-ray looks like, but I reckon if it’s not I could probably still ride on a train with a cast on. I’ll come visit you.”

Dan isn’t actually sure he’s going to be strong enough to walk away from Phil when his parents get there, but he isn’t sure if that’s weird to say or not so he doesn’t. What he says instead is, “No you fucking won’t. But - but I can.”

“And you’ll be at Manchester in the fall?” Phil’s voice rises with hope and a little hesitation, like Dan’s plan might have changed sometime in the last six hours.

It hasn’t. Dan thinks. But in some ways the future outside of this room seems almost as scary as what just happened to them.

“If you will be,” he says quietly.

Phil smiles. “I will. Definitely.”