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There are truths that I never dare speak, inside the house on Widow's Peak. I feel the things that linger here, listening and closing near. So I fear were I to speak, so would respond to me, the deep. When madness takes its promised due, still I'll search this place for you. How barely you elude me still, I'll find you soon, I will, I will. And then I'll raise my lips and say, "Please my love. Please let me stay." We can be together here, that is the truth I speak. Inside the house on Widow's peak." - Marianas Trench, Phantoms Official Album Teaser

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numbers for the chapters on archive of your own. The songs aren't in the album order). First person POV. Yes, I'm using Josh so this counts as a Marianas Trench fic!.)

I still hear it.

I could hear the screaming in the washroom and her hands going to her platinum hair, I could hear her screaming as she falls.

I know how that was, rushing to her side. It /stole/ her. Her mental health stole her from me. I could feel it in my bones, the rhythm of her heart slowing in front of me.

I knew so much but yet knew so little about her health. One little shock. I saw her fall, I saw her taken from me, and I saw the endless deep crawl into my bones, the door of our lovely home grow dark.

I walked out, because I could feel everything coming for me and walked to my car in a stupor from the inebriation of mourning her loss. The rhythm still hung in my head, slowing to a stop every time I replayed the endless cacaphony over and over.

She didn't deserve this...

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She always looked at me with a strange look, when she lived. She smiled like she was fading, and she smiled like the ebbing deep was going to take her from me, and it consequently did.

It was a glimmer of her I saw, in the house as I searched. It was a cold winter morning and I was losing sleep writing lyrics, looking for her elusiveness in the house.

I had to finish this song and get out of the house. I hoped after this moment, I would be free... but her glimmer was going to stay. I knew I'd see her haunting eyes every time I left.

"ELEONORA!" I shouted, seeing papers go flying. I knew it was her, she always pushed my lyric papers fly off the table when she wanted my attention when she lived so long ago

Finally, she apparated into view. I was so confused by her appearance, but thought nothing of it at that moment in time. She looked like a weeping widow, all dressed in black. Her hair was ghostly white, and her facial makeup was darker than normal.

"Joshua.." She whispered; walking to me. "Please please stay." She begged, and I saw the hurt in her eyes. But I could not stay, even though she was driving me to madness with her behaviours.

"My love, I cannot stay. My heart belongs to her now, she knows of my sorrows from your fate." I knew mentioning my love would get Eleonora to stop; she begged so much to have me stay here and I couldn't do it. My heart was aching as I put my hand to her face.

"Josh, please" She begged again and I ignored her ghostly whispers. She always had a loud voice, now turned from cries into a whisper, and I felt horrible.

I could see the glimmer of what we could have been. Oh, the glimmer of her having always wanted children, and I knew for a fact it was unfair to her for me to have any with another. That is why I grew to despise them - the horrible reminder of a lost future with Eleonora haunted me every time I heard one of those little spawns scream.

"I....I am sorry." Eleonora wiped her eyes and then I could hear her walking, crying for me. I felt horrible in my heart for not loving her, but I still loved Amanda and I wasn't over that relationship. She had helped me with my sorrow over my Eleonora, and I thanked her for it.

I had to leave the house for a while, I had all I needed for this album, and I would return between our tours and investigate further why Eleonora haunted, wasn't there closure the moment I proposed to my new one true love...? Wasn't the glimmer gone?

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There are some  chapters where it's not in the house.
It's because the thing is, I wanted to include the Suspending Gravity Tour since this is a Marianas Trench fanfic. Not just a Josh fic.
--
February 28, 2019

Time has passed since...
We were now preparing for the Suspending Gravity Tour, and I had not thought about Eleonora - I was back with Amanda, who I had told about the crazy experience.

It was madness, it was madness to try to think about that experience with Eleonora. I hoped the words rang true, the message of only the lonely survive, hopefully getting to Eleonora somehow.

I heard something fall in my home and I rushed to check to see if it was Bennie who was being insufferable again - I love that dog, but she will and can get into the trash. -, and deciding she'd disobey her Dad and get into the trash.

Bennie was barking at something I couldn't see, and I groaned loudly.

I was so angry, sighing and running my fingers absentmindly through my short black and blue hair, noticing the small rodent in the house. The madness of the album had made me think that every sound, every little noise was Eleonora, come to haunt me.

"Come on.." I huff, getting the typical trap and taking the small rodent outside as the snow crunches under my socks, the coldness of the powder felt against my feet as I let it free outside.

I didn't know what to think of it all because I was frustrated and infuriated, the label booked our tour six days out from the album. It made me angry.

I heard Amanda getting home, going to greet her after letting the tiny mouse go to the outside. I wasn't letting things get hurt in the house, and I gave my girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek.

We'd been through hell together - but I don't want to elaborate on it. I walked to quickly see to it that Bennie didn't by chance schmooze a second dinner out of Amanda because goddamnit I didn't really want my dog eating two times in a row each time.

I felt something brush past my leg; and I stiffened up as I looked down to the floor and saw Anenomie affectionately looking for pets. Then I looked towards the endless space of my living room...

Only the lonely survive... I had seen it in my cats being a loner of their own sort, Bennie being the only dog of course because it was quite clear that I was quite the guy only to have one dog.

I could hear whispers in the house late that night, and I grabbed my flashlight, going to leave the next morning for Suspending Gravity tour rehearsals.

I saw her. Out of the corner of my eye, haunting me with her empty eyes. I knew it..

"Eleonora, LEAVE! I told you to go three times." I clenched my fists, and then the vivid shadowesque woman left my sight, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was happy to know that she was gone for now, gone into the abyss of pure nothing and unhappiness because it was clear.

I would lay this to rest after the Suspending Gravity tour and end this madness with her haunting and finding me, and I would for sure he ending this nastiness.

-- A Few Days Later (Josh's POV) ---

"Did you hear something?" Matt spoke up as we prepared for the first show of the tour in Windsor, Ontario.

"Probably the fact the venue's haunted as shit." I retorted. The casino had two deaths in the past, young lovers killed by accident when an electric item fell into the water of their shared hot tub in the hotel. It was tragic and sad to hear.

"Didn't you say you've been seeing her lately?" Mike had looked over to me, just getting off FaceTime with Emily because he was absolutely adoring her.

It made me miss my Amanda, but I had to consider every factor. Suddenly; every light in the dressing room seemed to go dark and we all shone our phone lights; that shone through the deep of the darkness of the room.

"What the fuck?!" I heard Ian exclaim; and I rushed to see what the quizzical problem was. I could hear her voice, begging me to stay forever with her..

" Eleonora, again! LEAVE!" I kept shouting at the room but it was no use; my voice quieted with tears. "Please please Eleonora! I don't want you around!" 

"You can see her too?" Ian spoke up, looking towards me. You see, it's a complicated story.. but...

Ian and Eleonora are cousins. I had never spoken of her much, because they were close. Hell, Matt was her best friend and introduced her to me. We all knew her... so that's why we could all see her.

No one other than our band could. She was present for every recording session.... and we shouted at her to leave, to stop because we'd rerecord the songs and feel her brush past us.

She finally left and we proceeded to go oh with the show, keeping an eye out. We had to keep Eleonora away... because it didn't end well during tour rehearsals..

One of our techs was working on fixing a guitar when Eleonora scared him, and he put the wire in the wrong spot and he had to be rushed to hospital because of the shock.

I was personally infuriated by the fact she was scaring people and bothering us. There had to be a way to get her to stop.... there just had to be!

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MAJOR TW IN THIS for drugs mention and body image problem mention and self harm implied. Josh's past is mentioned and some habits are fictionalized to add to this story. Please note that I respect Josh with all my heart. This is for the story.

--

March 29, 2019

I don't know how I can get her to go away, and leave me and my bandmates alone! Her ghost was haunting all of us. I felt pity for Ian, I felt pity for everyone within the band that I had brought this upon them.

I didn't know what to do, and I knew that the Vancouver show was tonight as I wrapped my arms around myself and felt a chill down my spine.

The deep still screamed at me, every every night. I knew that the deep was taunting and enticing me. I just had to escape her, I had to escape Eleonora...

---
Flashback

July 2006

"Eleonora! I'm gonna stop!" I looked over to her. Her blue eyes widened at me, and she huffs, her arms wrapped around herself.

"Josh..." She throws the dirty towel at me. Please... I can't do this anymore... I don't want her knowing.

"I fucking relapsed! What was I supposed to tell you?" I look at the spots on the towel and gulp.

The colour of freshly chopped cherries... I couldn't lie to Eleonora. I would never lie to her..... I had to be honest and stop going for my hands every time I was infuriated a station wouldn't take Shake Tramp...

I was angry at myself for failing her, and for failing myself.... little did I know, the next day.. my world would shatter...
--
Present Day

I felt a shiver down my spine remembering that particularly horrid day as I feel arms wrap around my waist and it's Amanda's eyes I'm met with. It's so quiet when she speaks, lover's cries turned to a loving whisper.

I kept her a secret. Just like Eleonora as I stare at the back of the room. How could she?! Not now, when I'm caressing the love of my life...

"Eleonora. Leave!" I shout at the empty space and I worry that Amanda heard what I said because she looks concerned. I dove into madness over Eleonora.... I wonder if Amanda could see her too.

"Please." I hear my love's quiet voice speak up, and I realize that she can see her. She did have a meaning to our relationship for us.

"Can I stay?" Eleonora speaks again, and I freak out mentally and I shoo her away.

I know that it is a horrible idea for Eleonora to stay. I know it is a horrendous idea to have Eleonora stay when she's also been messing with our equipment or messing with things

I hug myself and stare away from everyone when we head out for warmups. I refuse to sing those words for warmup, but I must struggle through them. I practice ten hours a day.

It is welcoming to know Eleonora is present here, and I can see her listing amongst the crowd. A goofy damn smile crosses my face because even though she's a pain right now, at least she can know her story has been told.

I just don't know when I'll sever from her ghost...

---

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|| This is a rare chapter, that is in Eleonora's POV, but it is set in the past.

Reflects back on the Glimmer chapter, so this will delve further into why they did not have children beyond Eleonora's death.

TW in general for pregnancy, children; etc. To avoid spoilers, I did a general trigger warning.

This is the real story of why Eleonora died and not just what Josh saw.
Eleonora had mental illnesses.
--
[Eleonora]

I could feel the phantom inside me, the tears  down my face, watching the time tick by. Emptiness growing in my heart.

I could not tell Josh, it was so so little as I cried, wiping my eyes with the cloth. It was devastating to find out, and I had been so excited, and I wanted him to know when he returned.

My aching heart was yearning, feeling every phantom noise getting to me. My heart was racing as I started to cry and hold the emptiness in my arm.

Oh, he was gorgeous. He had blonde hair, and bright blue eyes. Well, what I saw in my mind. The madness of having lost him... the ability not to tell Josh...

We could be together in eternity... I knew that so well... I knew that my little prince, our little prince would be happy and alive there.

So I decided to let the voices of the deep take me... I decided it was over. My heart was weak due to childhood illness. I wouldn't make it, and I didn't want Josh to watch me suffer.

I had tears rolling down my face as I grabbed the darkest makeup I could find, putting it on, and sliding the dark dress on my body. This was orchestrated, and I wished so badly he was here to see me.

To know of his existence. He could see him if he joined me in my madness! But I had to do something... something in my gut was telling me to leave Josh alive.... that he wasn't ready for this madness yet.

(TW: suicide.)
So I simply grasped the edge of the wine bottle, already mixed from long ago and saved. I could not stay in this world. My tears were in my eyes.

Oh, we would have had the most beautiful son if he had of lived. Riley Miles Ramsay... we always wanted that name. And I'd be reunited with our child... and be doomed to roam this house forever..

But I did not care, for it was saddening to suffer. My heart was weak. They could not fix it, and it would only be worse. I felt sickened, but I knew the wine would end this damn pain and I could die with dignity as I wished and not at the hands of some hospice or making Josh suffer.

I did this for Josh. Tearfully, I heard him walk into the house, and I took my last sip, and I sat against the wall.

I could feel him rush in, and I just left it alone. I did not try - for living was going to be agony for the months I had left. I was going to spare Josh everything, everything that I had.

Ending my destiny was the only option, letting the deep take me from this world as tears fell down my face and I could feel my blonde curls fall loose.

Oh, he loved me. And I knew... I knew that he would love me enough to stay alive. I could not exist in painful agony as I thought about it and had tears rolling down my face.

I did leave a letter.... but it was not in the house. He would have to seek it out where he first saw me... in the park in Vancouver....
--

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Riley who passed from suicide in March 2016. I miss you, my dear friend ♥️

Suicide is horrible and shouldn't be an option, but Eleonora was unable to die with dignity because of the laws at this moment in time. Please note this chapter is set long before Canada made it legal.

I thought Wish You Were Here sounds like a parent longing for their child or vice versa . The fairytale reference too.

Please call a hotline or talk to someone if you're suicidal. Please make sure you get treatment or help. Eleonora had a weakened heart, and it shouldn't have been her only option.♥️

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"As I begin to make out words
Not to listen now would be absurd
They pull at me, their pull is steep
The deep The DEEP, The DEEP."
- Josh Ramsay, Poem 2 of Suspending Gravity Tour

--
May 2019

I still was losing my mind, and I concerned for myself as I heard the deepening sounds of voices in my head and I gripped my hair, screaming out to myself as I stared at the ceiling of our hotel room.

Save me from myself. Save me from myself, save me from myself. Please oh god save me from myself before this madness gets to me and the voices get in my head!

I was losing my mind, because she kept showing up. I kept feeling melancholy and low as I wandered the park where we'd shot Beside You years before, and I decided to look at the old tree, taking out the envelope.

I had found it years ago, in her wonderfully ghostly handwriting. I always knew that something was going to happen with her because my heart was in pain every day.

What if I was meant to die? She should not  miss me! Please don't miss me!

thought about all this as I sat there in the room, looking up at the ceiling, the voices the voices the voices needed to go away, that were attacking my brain.

There was no way to save me, I was losing my mind and I'd surely end up in a white fluffy room in a jacket if I told anyone what my mind had become. I had truly lost my mind over all of this.

Eleonora needed to go, I needed my closure but how was I meant to do that? I was meant to be something greater.

Why did cruel fate leave me alone to scream in darkness for hours and hours until I met my saving grace, and my princess porcelain? How did I find hope in Amanda when I still longed inside for Eleonora?

I had to figure this out for myself before this was the end of me - and I feared it would be, for I was scared of myself.

For I was terrified to lose my mind and find the deep waiting for me just to fall in and sink, becoming part of a constant chorus of voices voices VOICES!!!

I was tired of it. Sick of losing my mind, sick of it all. I had to try everything I could to be a better man, and even if it meant letting Eleonora go.

So I set out to plan to do something... drastic. Something that would end the tie and end her limbo and let me live in peace.....

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[Josh's POV]

THE VOICES.
The voices.
the voices.

They scream and scream until there's nothing left in me and I glare away from the screen. I have not left the house since the US Tour, only to take Bennie out.

I am afraid to, for Eleonora will follow me everywhere I go. Amanda is threatening to leave over my madness - she wants to support me, but she is tired of my cries for Eleonora.

"But I knew you when-" I try to squeak out, my voice crying for her love and affection in every aspect of it all. Her heart.... I want to have it be mine.

"Josh,, I get you are seeing hallucinations but you need medical help. It is getting worse. " she whispers, tears in her eyes. I feel bad for Amanda... her having to deal with all of this.

I feel bad that she will have to inevitably see my descent and demise over this next while. What if it's early onset dementia coming for me because of the fact my mother is now gone in regards to her mental state?

I don't want to end up a shell of the man I once was. I want to be happy. Is that all that matters, beating this madness and getting rid of it permanently?

Or making sure Amanda stays and does not leave me again the last time?

I can hear Eleonora that night, whispering to me. Begging me that I will stay, and love her. And join her in the deep.

But madness has not taken its final due yet... not yet...

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Split this chapter in half.
Prepare for tears

Because this chapter is two parts, there is three chapters uploaded this week
--
[Josh's POV]

It has happened. On a cold October day,, I feel the promise ring I gave Amanda pressed into my palm and tears in her eyes.

"Josh, I cannot anymore." She mwhispers and shakes her head. "Eleonora has gotten to me." Amanda can't stay... and it's all Eleonora's fault!

I grab what I can and smash the lamp to the floor and hear the dogs howl. I scream into the darkness; knowing that this is the end because of Eleonora! My relationship has ended because of that ghostly being, and I am so fucking sick of her.

There was one thing left to do, one thing left to do. I just had to make sure someone could... take care of my animals for a while.

I call Brennen and explain my plan and he freaks, but he's my best friend. I must end this struggle with Eleonora one way or another, because I cannot let it be The Death Of Me..

I Knew full well her echo haunted the halls of the house, and I walked with a lantern, searching and searching and I hear something fall, and her hands go to around my throat.

Gasping for air, I start to suffocate for breath and try to comprehend what's going on as I run out of the house and to my waiting car, knowing that it is going to be the end of me trying to fight.

I couldn't do this! There had to be a way to sever the tie.

I walk through various libraries and bookstores trying to find books on exorcising a spirit when I come up with a plan.

What ended a flames, must end in flames... And I have to do this on y own, without a single cacophony of madness coming for my heart or my head.

I must win this... and I must ignore the echoes of her. I must know that my descent needs to be stopped, and I need to avoid going mad trying to defeat Eleonora.

It is ironic how an album talking about death in a positive manner, got me haunted by the person that inspired the love interest. The first person I ever loved.

I hear Eleonora list into the room and she seems to be holding a blanket. It's a ghost of a child we never had because of her death... the deep is conceding to show me...

What I must do, is sacrifice something to the flame and break her tie with this plain. Something is tying her here, and she is suffering. I can see it in her eyes every time I look.... and I know what it is...

I know who it is...

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I could not suffer any longer. I could not do this. My hands fumble with the lighter fluid as I crack open the lighter and pour it everywhere in the house. This had to end now. This has to be over, this had to be. I couldn't handle it anymore.

I flicked the matches, I tried my hardest to do what I could to avoid what was inevitably going to happen. I threw her letter to the lighter fluid, I threw our photos. If the ghost was gone, why did I still suffer from her? I had tried every waking thing to try to get her to go, to leave me and I laughed adjusting the mask over my face as I watched the lighter fluid ignite when the match hit it.

I turned to grab the door and she was standing there, weeping as she grabbed at my arm. I could not do this anymore. I couldn't do this anymore.

"Josh... listen please... it's not what you think." She choked up, and I could suddenly see the familiarity in her features as tears streamed down my face.

Eleonora.... was Amanda.

"How the fuck didn't I see your face?" I choked up and she stared at me. How was she Amanda, when Amanda had been at the house and everything? Did I imagine a whole series of albums, imagine a whole lifetime.

"You... I..." She was choked, tears rolling down her face. She had been her the entire time... so that would mean.... She died.

She died long ago and took on Eleonora's visage.... so that means... the Amanda I had been seeing... Was Eleonora... They had switched places in my mind because I longed for my one true love and I did not see it in my madness.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as the flames grow higher and higher. I could not do this to her. I ran for the door, hoping for an escape....

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Dedicated to echoesofyou  +jasonndean

for encouraging this story to continue on as it has and has reached its end. ♥️

--

" There are truths I never dare speak

Inside the house on widows peak...

So I fear were I  to speak...

So would respond to me,  the deep.

I feel the things that linger here

Listening and closing near...."

It does not feel normal. I could feel the coldness in my heart, her presence gone from my life as I roam the empty halls of our home. I see them packing beloved things of hers.

I touch and reach out and one blinks at me, the effervescent blue reminiscent of my own. Oh, how I ached for that blue for years. Oh how I ached to see those eyes.

I walk to where I know she will be. I watch her movements and I wipe the tears from my eyes, as I hug myself and comb my fingers through my hair. She stares at me, her eyes widened in shock.

I know for a fact we're i to speak, my madness would respectfully take its due's, take me from this. I must be silent like a phantom, quiet in my movements.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, my hand reaching for her cheek. Her eyes are full of tears. I didn't know what to do, how to comfort her as I tried to hug her, close and in the deepest madness.

Consumed by madness, slowly as I felt a brush past my shoulder and I see her, joining madness's shroud. The ghosts of melodies future pass my ears. I feel my heart begin to cease its love for her.

I must never move on, because if I do, I will not be a happy person, with anyone I love. I gather the edge of my dress, then pull the veil from my eyes as I stare in the mirror.

My own blue eyes stare back at me as I accept the inevitability of my fate, and I wipe the tears from my eyes as I see Eleonora, waiting for me.

I decided that night it was best for everyone... I will not speak my decision until this tale of lost lorn love ends. Until this tale of lost lorn love ends.

I walk to her, then remove the veil. Suddenly; the world twists and turns around me until I open my eyes. Again, it is that day.

The day that I woke up and wrote One Love. The day I got drunk... the day I imagined this nightmare. The day I imagined Eleonora being the one before Amanda, and began a descent into madness furled by my sickness and medication side effects.

For I know my love can be, the killing kind be something I scream. For, we all survived the Astoria, fought the Ever After, dazzled in the Masterpiece Theatre... and will always Say Anything to beat the demons that haunt us.

I did survive as I roam the empty halls and lean on the gold casted handle of my cane. I lost the majority of my right leg, in that fire. I can no longer perform as I used to, but I needed to get rid of the madness.

But I was going to make my final decision. If I am to join my true love, I must end this misery. She must have gone insane, hearing me call her Amanda all these years.

"Eleonora, please stay." I whisper and grasp her hand. Her blue eyes widen and I know that it's going to be over soon.

I write but one final message on every social media I can. My madness has reached its peak, and now I must sleep. I must end the madness, for it must grow so deep.

" The deep,

the deep loves true

So madness takes its final due

The deep concedes to show me

Resign myself, I do I do

I searched this place

I searched far, I searched true

Now my love, it has brought me you.

Though beats grow far and few between

I know this place I know what it means

It means to keep us bound in fate

A hunger that will never date

Inside the house on widows peak

Togethermore, we both can sleep.

So stay with me our souls to keep,

Forever more unto the deep.

For this was my final message, before the madness takes me to a eternal sleep, I must let you all know that the deep was never where I wanted my journey to become my end to sleep. I searched forever, and I tried to sever from my forever. " I wipe the tears from my own eyes. It is my goodbye to a long long life.

Eleonora is gone now - after I drink the poisons, I watch her visage fade as the cries grew louder and I awoke back to where I was meant to be.

I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt - I could feel the poisons coursing through my body as I glanced up to the one I love.

My love, the one that saved my life and kept me alive. The one that saved me after this all happened.

“Yo...You were in a coma for about five weeks, Josh,” She chokes up, my lady love glancing at me. “You tried to end your life to end the madness that Phantoms brought..” she was my love, my life.

“None of that happened?” I squeaked out, looking down at my intact leg. There’s no scars, no burns. I feel her hand clasp into mine - and I feel whole and safe.

A year of madness, and burning the house was symbolic of what the journey I had to go through was.

About a year later we were wed, it was not planned, but our love was the killing kind even if it didn’t actually kill, it destroyed both of us to be apart.

And as both me and Amanda sat there, knowing what was to come as we headed back home after a lengthy stay in Vegas, I knew a part of me wondered if Eleonora was ever a real part of me - everything was imagined and fake.

The reason I thought I didn’t want kids, wasn’t real. I had fallen into a coma and made up 13 years of love in my head. Time had barely passed in the real world. I just simply didn’t want children, and things were going to be okay.

I received many well wishes and hopes for mental health for myself.

But heed this tale of madness and death - never get lost in a fantasy world or start drinking yourself to death over a breakup.

It will kill the life you love... for my love is the killing kind...

Chapter Text

Excited to announce that there is going to be a SEQUEL to this story, coming soon!

It has yet to be titled as Marianas Trench has not announced their album title as of yet, but it will be a small crossover with the TV Show Lucifer (it’s just that I’m using their version of Lucifer).

The summary is based off the previews we’ve heard, and it is subject to change.

Here’s the summary:
After Josh descended into madness with Amanda/Eleonora, he ends up trapped in a hell loop of his own design for taking his own life. He has to convince the devil himself to let him out of his hell loop, and a way to beat him at his own game.