Archive of Our Own ^beta

Rendered a solid green, the grass surrounding the oval-shaped pool swayed gently in the mellow breeze. Its surrurance paired with an ice cold beer aided Liam in achieving an ideal day of relaxation. There was just one problem: Louis was there.

“Do you think this cooking oil will give me skin cancer if I use it on my ass?”

Exhaling loudly, Liam crossed his arms over his bare stomach. “I don’t know, Lou. Probably.”

“Okay,” Louis said, chucking the beige can behind him and reaching for the SPF 2. “‘Cause I just really wanna get rid of these tan lines, you know?”

Liam hummed, letting his eyes fall shut behind his black Ray Bans.

“The Harry kid and I were fucking in front of a mirror, ya see,” Louis continued, waving his hand conversationally. “Caught a glimpse of my left ass cheek...”

Louis and Liam shuddered simultaneously.

“Needless to say, I don’t want the poor kid to have to fuck an ass that looks like two scoops of vanilla ice cream.” Louis sighed contently at his analogy before turning to Liam. “You okay?” he asked, swatting at the boy’s bicep with his knuckles.

Groaning, Liam gave a shrug. “Yeah, I mean,” he began, lifting his arm and then dropping it at his thigh. “You know.”

His demeanor softening, Louis tilted his head and frowned. “Babe, I know it’s hard to hear, but she was kind of a bitch.”

Liam winced.

“Seriously, why do you think she went after you in the first place?” Louis continued, gesturing to the fifteen-yard pool, the three-acre backyard, and the castle-like monster of a house at the opposite end of the property. He finally concluded by using both hands to gesture at Liam’s crotch. “Nine inches, man.”

Liam waved him off and gave a hint of a smile before letting out a barely audible “Ten actually.”

Louis bumped his fist.

He then proceeded to nod at the water. “Why don’t you go for a swim? Get all refreshed and what not.”

Scrunching his nose, Liam turned to face the leaf-littered, insect-infested pool and instantly shook his head. “Not yet, man. Got the poolboy coming any second to clean it up,” he said, easing back into his chair.

Louis waggled his eyebrows. “The poolboy, eh? Does this poolboy have a name, or do we just call him slave?”

Liam coughed before taking a swig of beer, eyes glued to his bare legs.

“Oh, did I just say a bad thing? Oh shit, is he black?” Louis said, only laughing slightly.

Liam waved his hand in Louis’ face. “No no, fuck off. He’s -” He squinted, trying to picture the last time he saw the boy while simultaneously trying not to drool. “I don’t really know what he is, but he’s definitely not white,” he explained, rubbing a hand to his brow.

“Ooh, exotic,” Louis sang, stroking his chin stubble. “You tappin' that?”

His mouth falling open, Liam shook his head slowly. “You twelve years old?”

Louis shrugged. “I’m just saying,” he defended, placing a hand over his chest. “If he’s Filipino, he’s all mine.”

“And why’s that?” Liam asked, humoring his friend.

Louis grabbed his ankles and positioned himself in crisscross applesauce. “Ah, I’m glad you asked,” he began through a sigh, staring dreamily up at the cloudless sky. “Ever play bingo, Liam?”

Liam nodded reluctantly.

“Well, I’ve been participating in a bit of bingo myself,” he continued, gesturing with his hands as if it fueled his speech. He paused to stare at Liam. “Are you following me, Liam?”

“No.”

“Good. Anyway, I have a B, I, G, and O, but no N, and since they’re all in a diagonal starting from the bottom left corner, I have to score the spot right in the center.”

Liam blinked. “You have to score a... a Filipino?”

“Yes. Exactly,” Louis said while clasping his hands together. “Make sense?”

Liam exhaled. “I … guess. I just don’t understand what would possess you to do such a thing,” he said, giving Louis a look of genuine concern.

“It’s a bet with Niall,” Louis explained, and Liam instantly nodded as his whole universe shifted back into place.

“Got it.”

A metallic clicking noise caught Louis' attention, causing him to whip his head toward the gate, where a skinny, tattooed boy pushed through with a timid grin.

"Hey, Zayn," Liam called, voice only trembling slightly. He threw Zayn a warm smile before shifting his gaze to Louis, whose mouth was frozen, slightly parted with a glob of saliva trickling down the side.

"Hi," Zayn sang with a sheepish wave, eyes dancing back and forth between the two topless men.

Zayn wore a white tank top that hung just low enough to reveal a red lipstick tattoo framed by a set of wings. Liam wasn't sure whether he wanted to bite at it because of the woman's lips or the boy's collar bones.

"This is Louis," he managed to get out. "He's my neighbor."

By now, Zayn was walking over to them, extending a hand when he reached the foot of Louis' lounge chair. "Nice to meet you, Louis," he said with a bright smile.

Louis shook his hand slowly, head cocked and eyes squinting from the rays of sun shooting out from behind Zayn's head. "Yeah," he said, almost dazed. (Louis didn't really get dazed by men - only entranced by huge dicks, especially the ones that curved to the side a bit, but that's something Liam wished he didn't know.)

Maybe Zayn was an exception though, Liam thought. He was gorgeous after all: amber eyes, long eyelashes, tan skin. Who wouldn't want that tied to his bed frame?

Louis wasn't letting go. He just sort of let his hand go limp in Zayn's, while Zayn's lip curled up in a subtle smirk, and "Okay, well you know where all the supplies are, Zayn," Liam piped up urgently, practically throwing himself between the two.

Zayn jumped backward, nearly falling into the pool. Louis glared at Liam over the frame of his aviators.

"Right," Zayn said, steadying himself. "I'll go get started then."

While Zayn headed over toward the small, red-painted barn in the corner of the fenced in area, Liam sprung up and started digging in the cooler for another beer. "Hey, Zayn," he called. The other boy froze in the doorway and looked over his shoulder.

Liam tossed him the beer with a quick "Think fast," and it hit Zayn in the wrist, then the thigh, and then eventually plopped onto the grass.

"Non-athletic," Louis whispered, smirking up at Liam. "Seems like neither of our types."

"Says the guy who's been fucking Harry Styles every other day this week," he retorted through his teeth, trying to maintain a smile until Zayn disappeared in the barn.

"Hey now," said Louis as he stretched out in a full-body yawn. "Harry's athletic where it counts," he said before giving a two-armed upward thrust.

Liam winced. "Congrats."

"Don't feel bad, Liam," Louis continued. "I'm sure you'll get laid soon. It's only a matter of time," he sang through a sigh.

Liam shifted his eyes to the barn and then back at Louis. "I mean."

"Too bad it can't happen today," Louis said, hands folded behind his head.

"But it ca-"

"That boy in there is pre-tty spicy."

"I am aware."

"It's just too bad, you know?"

"I don't know," Liam said, tone getting drier. "What's too bad, Louis?"

Louis looked at him regretfully, hand clutching his chest. "That I'm calling dibs," he said with a shrug.

Liam blinked once, and then his entire face was knitted eyebrows and protruding veins. "You're calling- I just...  are you five?" he demanded, fist clenching involuntarily.

Louis nodded through a closed-mouth grin. "But so are you, Mister I just got my toy taken away from me at recess even though the person who took it announced that he needed it to win a very important bingo game."

Liam glared at Louis until his eye began to twitch. "Do you even know what Filipinos look like?" he asked, bending forward into Louis' personal space.

Louis smacked his lips, looked around, and nodded. "Tan."

....

For the next hour or so, Louis and Liam took turns wiping up each other's drool as they watched Zayn fish out leaves and used condoms from the pool. It was unclear as to whose line he was biting on harder. This only made Louis and Liam more desperate.

"So Zayn, you lift?" Louis said, instantly earning a sheepish giggle from the skinny poolboy.

Liam hummed to himself. A classic line. Point one for Louis.

"Uh no," Zayn said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Not really much time for that. Gotta take care of the family and all."

Before he could catch himself, Liam felt his eyebrows furrow and lips curl into a frown. What a superhero, he thought. Taking care of his family. Boy, was Liam's dick hard.

While he strategically placed his Winnie the Pooh towel over his crotch, Liam tried to muster up a few of his most famous pickup lines, dating all the way back to primary school.

Liam's Greatest Hits:

1) The Map (Grade 3)

"Hey, Zayn. Quick question," Liam said, scratching at his scalp.

Zayn looked back over his shoulder. "Go for it," he said.

Liam noticed Louis squinting at him in the corner of his eye.

"I was just wondering," he continued, heart thrumming in his chest. "Do you have a map?"

Zayn turned around completely, the loose fabric of his tank top blowing backward. "A map?" he clarified, one eyebrow raised toward his hairline.

Liam nodded, lip twitching into an almost grin.

“No?” Zayn said, eyes narrowing and head tilting slightly. “Why do you ask?”

Liam shrugged as he batted his eyelashes slowly. This was it: The Delivery. “Oh, well uh…” he began. (Shaky entry. Let’s see if he sticks the landing.) “I need a map, because I got lost.”

Zayn’s face softened.

“In your eyes.”

Zayn laughed a beautiful, sing-songy laugh that made every blood vessel in Liam’s body weep openly as they strummed his veins like harps. If he had the power to provoke that noise into the physical universe, then Liam could do anything. He might even be able to accomplish the impossible: steer a hot guy in the opposite direction of Louis Tomlinson’s bedroom.

“Disgusting,” Louis growled under his breath, only making Liam smirk harder.

While the petite brunette continued muttering curses to himself, Liam absorbed the blush tinting Zayn’s cheeks and fought the urge to sprint to his outdoor stereo and plug in his all Michael Bolton Spotify playlist.

“You’re too funny,” Zayn said, now fishing a pair of boxers from the deep end of the pool. “I swear the last time I used a line like that was in about… grade six?”

“Well, Liam is as childish as they come,” Louis interjected, laughing dryly as he dug his nails into his friend’s shoulder. “You know, he once took his girlfriend to a date at Chuck E Cheese’s.”

Zayn quirked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“Ex girlfriend, actually,” Liam said, sweat beading from the back of his neck. “And we just went, because she was watching her little sister, so -”

“Cute,” Zayn said.

One word. One syllable. One more point for Liam God Damn Payne.

But then Louis decided it was time to whip out the big guns - well more like four little pistols.

“I’ve got four little sisters,” he said like a child bragging to his classmates about his collection of action figures (dolls (For real though, Louis played with his sisters’ dolls all throughout middle school, but you didn’t hear it from Liam.))

“Aw sick,” said Zayn, who was now beaming into the rippling pool water. “I’ve got three sisters myself, and -”

“Ruth,” Liam wheezed. He sat up and clenched the frame of his chair on each side. “My sister’s name is Ruth.”

Louis snorted like the little shit he was born to be (Liam started to think that maybe Louis was born as an actual Little Shit, like... out of his mother’s asshole and plopped into a toilet bowl until the nurse realized he had a pulse).

Zayn, on the other hand, did that laughing thing again. “Oh yeah? That’s cool,” he said, nodding slowly as his lip curled upward.

Liam sighed, shaky and sputtery and sounding all too much like the wings of a hummingbird. “Yeah, she’s big though… I mean old...er. She’s not big big, I mean. Maybe a little? No no, she’s beautiful. I love her, but like not love her love her, because that’s incest, and I realize that hormones are hormones, but I wouldn’t really be into that, because my sister is big and old. Wait no, I mean-”

Liam stopped talking. He saw Zayn staring at him, eyes wide and mouth parted, and stood up. He didn’t know what else to say, so he decided to jump in the pool.

He stayed underwater for at least twenty seconds, during which Zayn and Louis were probably either projectile vomiting or having sex on Liam’s favorite floaty chair.

Eventually, he came up for air. He probably should have run off to the barn, because you can’t run out of air in a barn, but Liam wasn’t always the best thinker.

“Hey, Li,” Louis said in his best I’m sorry your granddad just died voice. “You okay?”

Liam looked up at his friend with his mouth and chin still below the surface, thinking that it would hide at least some of his shame. “Yes,” he said confidently. “And you?”

With his lips pursed together and eyebrows raised, Louis nodded casually as if Liam didn’t just make himself look like a twisted pervert with the IQ of a doorknob. “I’m quite good,” he said, looking to Zayn. “Quite good.”

Zayn was blushing, his eyelashes resting on his cheekbones as he continued swishing the net around in the deep end. Eyes narrowing at Zayn and then back to Louis, Liam observed the way his best friend’s shoulders wiggled and how his tongue swiped his lips - his overall contentment with the way he was affecting Zayn. Liam had to go about this a different way. He was tired of only getting pussy just because Louis didn’t like pussy.

“So Zayn,” Liam began, metaphorically stepping up to the plate after whiffing every pitch in his last at bat. “You’ve been here a few times now, but you’ve never been inside. Why don’t I show you around for a bit?”

(Later, Liam would treat himself to a trip to Carvel for not getting a voice crack while delivering that invitation.)

“Sure,” Zayn chirped with a shrug. “You don’t mind me taking a break?”

Before Liam could even answer, Zayn was dropping the net onto the grass and pacing toward the sopping boy. His leftover smirk tickled the larger boy’s insides from a distance. It left Liam practically squirming, but he had to remain cool.

“No, I have Cheetos inside. It’ll be fun,” was Liam’s next big line. He honestly had no idea why he said it; He would have probably come up with something better if he wasn’t so god damn hungry all the time. Stupid stupid.

"Oh, I love cheetos," Zayn said one eternity later.

"Cheese puffs are better, just sayin'," Louis interjected, arms crossed over his waistband. "They're shorter but thicker... much more volume, you know? Cheese puffs always get you where you need to go."

Zayn snorted. "Is that a euphemism?"

Louis shrugged with pursed lips, while Liam forced a loud cackle. He had no idea what a euphemism was, but it sounded dirty.

...

"And this is my hat closet, and over there is my shoe closet, and this here is my robot Ellis, and -"

"Shit, man. You're fucking loaded," Zayn said, staring dreamily at the Marvel mural in Liam's bedroom. "What do you even do for a living?"

Liam's heart clenched. This was always where one-night-stands bolted - when Liam had to reveal that the source of all his income wasn't anything sexy like dentistry or real estate or bee-keeping.

"I uhm..." he began, wringing his hands in front of his stomach. “Well, ya see."

Zayn blinked expectantly.

"I'm sort of an inventor actually."

(Stupid. Now Zayn was probably picturing Liam as some nut job locked in his basement laughing manically at his malfunctioning contraptions. Worthless idiot.)

"Oh? Well, that's pretty sick. What did you invent?" Zayn asked, coaxing Liam with a nod.

Come on, Liam. Don't just stand there like a lemon. Tell him the truth.

Liam cleared his throat with a fist to his lips. "I invented..." he began before inhaling slowly. “The smart car."

It was a lie. It was a big fat 2010 Jonah Hill of a lie, but it was worth it to see Zayn's big brown eyes light up with excitement. Liam was scum; He was the soap scum that lined the grout of his shower that he never actually saw because of his ace cleaning staff (Shout out to Mercedes and the gang).

“Yeah, so…” Liam bounced up on his toes. “Smart cars.”

Zayn’s eyes darkened as if Liam had just purred out the word “Dildos,” and Liam widened his eyes. Was this actually working?

Liam checked his Breitling and saw that it was a quarter to Louis-bursting-through-the-door-to-steal-his-man o’clock.

Fuck. He needed to move this along.

“So you’re like… probably into saving the environment and shit,” Zayn said, sitting down on Liam’s bed and tilting his head to the side. “That’s hot.”

Frozen, the larger boy looked around his room, tried not to look his giant Hummer poster in the eye, and finally looked back at Zayn. “Yeah?” he finally said, raised eyebrows but narrowed eyes.

Zayn snorted. “Sick, man. I love me a fellow tree hugger-”

“I hug trees all the time!”

“Brilliant.”

And then Liam made an attempt at dramatically diving forward to kiss Zayn, but he ended up headbutting him unconscious.

…

“Louis, I don’t know what to do. He’s just lying there on my bed, and I’m freaking out. I - What if he’s dead, Louis?”

Liam released the button of the intercom, allowing Louis to speak to him from the pool.

“So…” his friend began, the sound system making his voice all crackly. “Your hot poolboy is lying in your bed,” he confirmed, dragging out his vowels.

Liam started chewing on his nails. “Mhm,” he whimpered shakily. “Just knocked ‘im right out, poor thing didn’t even see it coming. Stupid stupid.”

“So he’s unconscious.”

“Yes.”

“And in bed.”

“Yes, Louis, please help m-”

“I’ll be right there.”

The line went dead, leaving nothing but a low, consistent beep. Louis was such a good friend, dropping everything to come help Liam in his time of need. Maybe he knew CPR or mouth-to… wait a second.

It was at that moment that Liam realized just how stupid he was. He pretty much gave his slut of a best friend an open invitation to make out with Zayn, get credit for saving his life, and then ride on his dick ‘til the cows come home.

Liam wasn’t necessarily proud of his next course of action.

“Alright, little Zayn, you’re coming with me,” he muttered before flinging the limp body over his shoulder and shoving it into the shoe closet.

He took a moment to admire how peaceful the boy looked lying atop his collection of Jordan’s before realizing that he was lying. on. his. Jordan’s.

“Well, that just won’t do,” he whispered. He then proceeded to use one foot to roll Zayn off his shoes and onto the empty floor space beside them. “Much better,” he said before whipping the door shut.

By the time Louis arrived in the doorway to his room, Liam was sitting crisscross applesauce on the bed.

“Hello, Louis,” he said with a plastic smile. “You look tan.”

Louis’ squinted eyes softened as he placed a hand on his chest. “Oh, why thank you. Wanna see my ass? I think it really evened ou- Wait.”

Liam blinked. “What?”

Tapping his foot against the hardwood floor, Louis scanned the room for sleeping poolboys. “Where is he?”

Liam laced his fingers in his lap. “Where is who?”

Louis squinted so hard that he probably resembled one of the Asians he fucked to get that O in bingo.

“Weren’t you gonna show me your ass?” Liam said, hand extended to Louis’ swim trunks. “I am...very interested and not disgusted at all to see your … junk in the trunk… the round thing in my face… that booty booty booty booty rockin’ everywhere.”

“Okay, now you’re just quoting rap songs.”

(Little did Louis know that Quoting Rap Songs (Grade 6) was #2 on Liam’s Greatest Hits.)

“I’m serious,” Liam assured, nodding frantically and trying not to shift his gaze to the closet even for a millisecond. If having to see Louis’ ass now meant making sweet love to Zayn later (if he ever wakes up), then Liam was willing to go the distance. Besides, Louis did have a pretty good ass; it was the thought of all the dicks that have gone in it that gave Liam nightmares.

Louis pursed his lips and stared at his best friend warily. “What are you up to, Payne?” he asked as he crossed his arms. “Where’s my Filipino?”

Liam gulped. “He uh… he woke up and went home.” Louis raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, that’s what happened.”

Before Louis could let out a huffy groan, Liam leaned back so that he was resting on his hands. Louis’ body stiffened.

“Did ya wanna just go back by the pool then?” Liam offered, trying to subtly steer Louis away from his little situation.

Twisting his mouth in thought, Louis made an obvious display of scanning Liam up and down. He even bit his lip, because Louis liked to act like he just stepped out of a gay porno. Liam was regretfully used to it.

“What are you doing?” Liam said, halfway playing dumb and halfway being dumb.

Louis groaned, eyes locked on Liam's exposed abs as he dropped his shoulders. "Why not me?" he said, sounding all too dramatic for Liam's liking.

"Wh-"

"I was here, you know. Ready to go at any moment, but all you could talk about was boobs and pussy, and now... a titless, vagless poor kid is all you can think about? Am I that repulsive that you would rather bang the help? I mean I know I've been with a lot of men, but..."

"Louis, please-"

"I do bumhole kegels, Li."

"Lou. You can't just - ...wait, what?"

Louis' frustrated glare faded into a dark smirk. Liam was at a loss. All he knew was his damp palms kept sliding back against the duvet, and his swim trunks kept tightening at the crotch area. But ... Louis?

His time for thinking was truncated once Louis practically sprinted forward and jumped into Liam's lap.

He gave an involuntary noise of surprise, all throaty and falsetto, not just because his best friend was grinding down onto his crotch, but also because he had basically jumped on his testicles.

All experience with hooking up flew out the window as Louis began kissing his neck. What was he supposed to be doing with his hands? Was he supposed to be talking, or...

Without much more thought, Liam took it upon himself to pat Louis' back with his right hand and cup his ass with the left.

Louis pulled back and gave Liam a stink-eye. "The fuck are you doing? Trying to burp me?"

Liam wasn't trying to burp Louis. He didn't know what he was trying to do with Louis exactly, but it wasn't that.

"You're lame in the sack," Louis exclaimed, sounding disappointed at first but soon gasping with delight. "You're lame in the sack," he repeated. "This is hilarious!"

"I am not lame in the sack," Liam objected, furrowing his eyebrows.

Louis bit his lip and raised an eyebrow in question. "Prove it then," he said as he popped his hip to the side and crept back in close to Liam. “Because if you don’t… then that means I can rightfully tell everyone I know that you don’t know the first thing about-”

“Just shut the fuck up,” Liam grunted before grabbing Louis by the waistband and pulling him in to bite at his neck. The smaller boy squeaked as he toppled over into Liam’s lap, easing into his half-naked body with a high-pitched sigh.

He said nothing besides a few more breathy whimpers, and Liam figured he had never been in a room with a silent Louis for so long. He should have tried this method ages ago.

“I know- aghh. Exactly what ‘m doing, alright?” Liam said. And out of fear that Louis would snap back at him, Liam decided to collect the boy in one arm and lift him to the top of the bed in one rough motion, hoping to distract him.

Louis responded with a gasping “Fuck,” but said nothing else. He raised his knees in the air and wrapped his ankles around Liam’s ass, coaxing him down into his crotch.

Reciprocating the action, Liam grinded their hips together, moaning at the rough friction. They were both undeniably hard to the point where Liam almost forgot he had an unconscious boy in his shoe closet. It only became a problem when said boy came bursting through the door.

Liam bit down on Louis' collarbone at the sudden realization, and Louis screamed a curse in his ear, having noticed the disheveled poolboy in the doorway.

"Uhm," Zayn said loudly, a hand rose to his unkempt hair. "I'm... sorry? Uh."

Liam rolled over so that he was sitting up and facing the closet. "Oh," he said, his voice about ten octaves higher than usual. He placed his hands in his lap, making a fruitless attempt to cover his aching erection. "You're still on break?" he chirped.

Liam's face grew hot, both sets of eyes seering into his skin. What was he supposed to do? Just act like he didn't knock Zayn unconscious and then proceed to shove him in a closet?

"It was Louis," he blurted. "He wanted to sleep with me, so he knocked you out with his ... erm ... arse, and then he locked you in my closet... yeah."

Zayn bestowed upon Liam the same exact look he gave during the Ruth episode. There was no pool to jump in, so Liam just had to take it.

After a ten-second-long silence, Zayn finally spat out a dry "I fucking remember what happened, you idiot."

"Knocked him out with my arse?" Louis interjected, squinting at Liam.

Liam shrugged frantically. "It just seems like your main weapon, I."

"..."

"..."

"So why'd you headbutt me?" Zayn chimed in, reluctantly making his way over to the bed.

Closing his lips together tightly, Liam gave a long hum. "I didn't mean to. I- I was trying to kiss you, but..."

Louis' eye roll was prominent in Liam's peripheral vision.

"Ah," Zayn said with a nod. "Well that's ... sweet?"

"Yeah?" Liam practically jumped in his seated position. He felt like a lung was about to collapse. "Just got excited, you know?"

Louis looked at Liam pointedly. "Do you like cats or dogs, Zayn?" he asked, scanning his friend up and down.

Zayn narrowed his eyebrows and retracted a bit. "Uhm... I'm a big dog person, why?"

Louis glared at Liam as he panted heavily and even twisted his neck to sniff himself. "Dammit."

Shaking Louis off, Zayn redirected his gaze toward Liam- well Liam's penis. "So uh..." he started, mouth hanging open and eyes dancing over the outline of the boy's massive hard on.

Louis coughed loudly. Once he had the other boys' attention, he gave a whiny groan while palming over his own erection, eyes on the wall as if to pass off the action as casual.

Zayn hummed, bringing Louis' eyes to his, and then waggled his eyebrows unashamedly.

"Will you bog off?" Liam said, knitting his eyebrows at Louis, who was now snorting with laughter.

"Stop being a baby, Li," he ridiculed with an eye roll. Zayn joined in with a chuckle, and Liam was slapped in the face with a flashback of grade nine bullies. "Ever heard of a threesome?" Louis finished.

Flashback over.

"Wha?"

Liam looked at Louis, eyes narrowed and lips in a lower case o. The more Liam stared, the more Louis resembled one of the loud, whiny bottoms in the porn he would watch on one of his I hate women, 'cause all they do is hypnotize you with their boobs to distract you from the dagger they keep hidden in their vaginas to stab you in the heart with days.

"Whataya think?" he continued, finger swirling in a circle as it pointed at all three boys on the bed. "Are we down for a little ménage à trois?"

Zayn hummed. Liam blinked. "Wait, I thought we were having a threesome."

...

After Liam fetched Zayn a glass of water while Louis googled Is it safe to have sex after a head injury???, they all reunited atop the wrinkled duvet.

"Web Md said no sex, but Wiki Answers said go for it," Louis said, dropping his iPhone on the bed with a shrug. "The source for Wiki said I'm a doctor, so that's pretty reliable, right?"

"Yeah, plus Web Md always tells me I have cancer," Zayn added. "Load o' bullshit that. Just told 'em my throat was itchy."

Liam was lost, but he was pretty sure a doctor just straight up told them to have a threesome, so he didn't hold back with his celebratory dougie.

"What are you doing?" Louis asked.

Liam scoffed. "Ever see someone dougie before?"

Louis shook his head, and Liam smirked.

"I could teach you if you want."

"Okay," Louis said, following the movements of Liam's arms and torso. "Teach me how to dougie."

And after reciting the entire rap by memory, Liam was surprised to discover that Louis could hit that dougie like nobody he's ever known.

In fact, his moves were so banging that he managed to maintain Liam's boner and start up Zayn's. It was truly magical.

"Okay okay, let's just do this, yeah?" Zayn said, shifting his legs behind him as he sat up on his knees.

Liam gaped as the boy unbuttoned his trousers, revealing black spandex with a prominent bulge testing its elasticity. "Yeah," he breathed before sticking his thumbs in his waistband.

He tugged them off in a clumsy series of motions, wet noises echoing in the room along with the plop of them hitting the floor.

Eventually Zayn got his boxers off, leaving him and Liam completely naked.

"What're you waitin' for, Louis?" Liam asked, eyeing the boy's swim trunks.

Louis sat with his back against the headboard, ankles crossed and hands at his sides. "Wanna watch first," he said, lip curling up into a smirk. "Tag me in later on."

Liam blinked twice, looking between the two boys. Though his heart thrummed in his chest at the idea of finally getting it on with Zayn, he sort of struck out at his last at bat, and the thought of having an audience on top of everything made him that much more anxious.

But before he could worry himself into a fit, Liam felt Zayn's hand creep up his thigh. "I like that idea," he purred, lips inches away from Liam's ear.

His throat becoming dry, Liam released a nervous chuckle. "Yeah?" he said before curling his fingers around Zayn's neck.

"Mhm," he answered. And then Zayn was kissing him- finally kissing him. It was slow yet rough, and Liam couldn't help but gasp at the sudden pressure of Zayn's teeth sinking into his lip.

Louis' eyes burned into his flesh, causing his cheeks to turn a deep red. He'd never had an audience before, and even if he had, it would never have been someone so sexually opinionated. For fuck's sake, Louis probably had a PornHub account and rated every clip he's ever watched based on his level of orgasm. Liam had to step it up.

Grabbing at Zayn's neck, fingers curling around the back and his thumb tracing over his Adam’s apple, Liam lowered the boy onto his back.

He pinned both of Zayn's arms over his head as he sucked on his collar bone, finally getting a taste of that tattoo. He replaced his tongue with his teeth, straddling Zayn's hips and lowering himself onto them.

As Zayn let out a hum of approval, Liam noticed Louis start touching himself in the corner of his eye. Knowing that two people were getting pleasure from his actions only made him more eager.

"What do you want?" he breathed out, somehow managing to look sweet and submissive while pinning another man to the mattress.

Zayn eyed his cock, stiff against his stomach, and raised his eyebrows. He looked up at Liam's lips before meeting his gaze once more.

Taking the hint, Liam traced one hand down Zayn's torso while the other reached for his cock.

Zayn's breath hitched, barely audible amidst the sound of heavy breathing, the air conditioner, and Louis spitting on his own hand.

It only made Liam come down on Zayn's dick faster. He closed his mouth in a tight o and took about half of him in half a second.

Relishing in the small whimper that had escaped the smaller boy's lips, Liam bobbed faster, ignoring his sloppy technique. He loved sucking cock, everything about it: the weight in his mouth, the strong hand in his hair, the low grunts vibrating through the other man's body. It wasn't all much different than eating a girl out, except men could be pushy with him. Men could take control of him, challenge him with their own muscle and sheer masculinity. (Liam had been with a masculine girl before. It gave sitting on someone's face a whole new, terrifying meaning.)

He slowed down, tried taking Zayn deeper rather than faster. With his thumb bruising Zayn's hip, Liam lowered his mouth until he felt the head nudge at the back of his throat.

Zayn moaned openly, his abs contracting as his shoulders rose from the bed. Liam did his best not to smirk.

"Alright alright. No one is releasing any fluids yet," Louis interjected, sitting up on his knees.

Zayn choked out a groan.

After sliding off his dick with a wet slurp, Liam gave Zayn an apologetic frown that said It's Louis; I have no choice.

"Tap me in," Louis said, making a show of pumping himself up as if he was in an actual wrestling match. He was stretching his arms over his head when Liam gave him a light tap on the shoulder. "Thanks."

Liam and Zayn looked at the small brunette expectantly, knowing that he could pounce on either of them at any moment - like a very small lion hunting its prey.

He hummed, index finger tapping against his lips. "I need someone to eat my ass," he announced finally.

The room fell silent as Liam and Zayn exchanged looks of uncertainty, like two men standing outside a door that only fits one person at a time. The words were there, itching up Liam's throat, crawling toward his tongue, when Zayn shrugged in the corner of his eye and followed with a nonchalant "I'll do it."

Louis grinned, his skin wrinkling at his temples. "Sick."

Liam squeaked.

"I'm sorry. What was that, Li?" he said, tearing his lust-filled gaze away from Zayn.

Liam bit his mouth shut before shaking his head frantically.

After waving his friend off with a shrug, Louis kneed his way over to Zayn and landed on all fours. The curve of his back left his ass popped in the air, framed by the afternoon light creeping through the blinds. Liam felt dizzy.

He watched as Zayn sat up and slapped a hand on one of Louis' ass cheeks. Though it wasn't much of a spank, the faint smacking noise sent vibrations all the way to Liam's cock.

Eventually, Zayn was on his knees, thumbs pulling apart Louis' cheeks and face inching closer and closer to his hole.

"Wait," Liam said before catching his fingernails between his teeth.

They both turned to him. The sudden attention from too naked men in a rather compromising position made his palms go clammy.

"I wanna do it," he managed to get out, instantly feeling a rush of blood swim to his cheeks.

Louis' jaw dropped. Zayn looked unfazed.

"You wanna eat me out?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing.

Liam opened and closed his mouth a few times while he searched for the correct response. "I uh... I don't know if I can, but-"

"You don't know if you can?" Zayn echoed through a chuckle. He slid his hand off Louis' ass and raised it to his head. "The fuck does that mean?"

Louis scoffed, extending a hand toward Liam. "See Liam over here... he uh... well, he's pretty high on the Kinsey Scale when it comes to being really into pussy."

Zayn nodded consideringly. "Well, I won't judge I guess."

"I will," Louis said, shaking his head. "Straight people are gross." He then proceeded to scrunch his nose and make a gagging noise.

Liam looked at Zayn. "It was really hard for me to come out as mostly straight to Louis," he confessed, ignoring Louis, who was pretending to throw up all over him.

Zayn gave a sympathetic pout before leaning over to rub Liam's knee.

"So," Louis sang, clapping his hands together in his lap. "This ass ain't gonna eat itself."

"That would be terrifying... an ass eating itself," Liam said. "So... I'll do it for you. I just-"

"Please, Liam, you know how to eat ass. You love ass." Louis returned to his all-fours position and proceeded to wiggle his bum in his friend's face.

"I really do love ass," he considered, rubbing his stubble as he admired the view. "You're not gonna sit on my face are you?"

Looking over his shoulder, Louis raised an eyebrow at Liam, who responded by smiling nervously. "No?" Louis confirmed before huffing impatiently.

"Alright then," Liam said, sitting up on his knees and then placing both hands on each cheek. While scanning the area to make sure this was indeed actually happening, he caught Zayn's eye. "Wait, what about Zayn? He's our guest," Liam said, tapping his fingers against Louis' ass.

With a giggle, Zayn flicked his wrist at Liam. "Nah nah, you lads go ahead. I'll enjoy the show."

Louis and Liam exchanged a look. "Zayn, c'mere," Louis said, nodding over at the dark-haired boy.

He obliged, waddling on his knees toward Louis.

"Lie down," Louis ordered, nodding at the wrinkled duvet at his knees.

Zayn batted his eyelashes, and Liam swore he felt a breeze. “Yes, sir,” he said before rolling his back onto the mattress with his lip between his teeth and hand wrapped around his cock.

Liam marveled at Zayn’s slender figure - the curve of every muscle, every bone. He looked so strong yet so breakable at the same time, like a sculpture made of marble. When he lay down in front of Louis, his hip bones protruded, framing his erection pressed rigid against his torso. Liam could have watched him all day, like a perplexing work of modern art that conveys a new meaning with every altered perspective. But with Liam’s own hard-on throbbing relentlessly, he found it difficult to remain patient. He found it difficult to let Louis have Zayn for a second longer than him. He was never good at sharing.

“Liam, darling,” Louis purred, pulling Liam back down to earth. He tilted his head and pursed his lips together, eyeing his friend with concern. “You’ve got that look.”

Liam shook his head, coming back into his own body. “What?” he said, eyes wide now and flickering between the two boys before him.

“You know. That look you get when we go for KFC and they’re having a two-for-one special on boneless chicken legs.”

Liam frowned.

“It’s okay, babe. Zayn isn’t going anywhere.” Louis turned his head to give Zayn a once over. “I’m gonna keep him entertained for you, alright?” he said before ducking down and licking the head of his cock.

Liam groaned, couldn’t help but feel envious of both parties. He had always been curious to know how good Louis really was at giving head considering he was always bragging about it, and he also missed having his head between Zayn’s legs. It was a very happy place to be.

But Louis’ ass was about a foot away from Liam’s face, coaxing him into something that couldn’t possibly be that bad, maybe not even bad at all. Liam figured he should at least try and enjoy having his face between two ass cheeks. Other boys seemed to enjoy it; It’s not like he would get stuck in there or anything.

“Are you waiting for it to invite you in?” Louis quipped after popping off Zayn’s dick. “Because my arse is incredible, don’t get me wrong, but it is not yet capable of speech.”

“No, I uh-“ Liam repositioned himself on his knees and rested one hand on the curve of Louis’ back. “Sorry, I’ll just… get at it then.”

Louis snorted before sliding back onto Zayn’s dick with a hum, leaving Liam alone with his ass.

“Right, well… how do you do?” he said to Louis’ crack.

The ass crack did not answer him, so Liam decided to get on with the show.

He leaned in slowly, extending his mouth out further than the rest of his face, feeling much like Squidward trying a Krabby Patty for the very first time. His tongue dabbed at Louis’ hole while his thumbs spread him apart, and my oh my did Squidward like Krabby Patties.

And it seemed like Louis liked to be a Krabby Patty, because the second Liam pressed his face in deeper, he moaned around Zayn’s dick, the vibrations of which making Zayn’s shoulders jump up off the bed in a chain reaction. Liam loved science.

He licked a vertical stripe along Louis’ crack, slicking it up before pushing his tongue inside. He grew to enjoy the way his friend’s rim contracted around him, all hot and wet amidst the teasing. The rush of arousal made Liam clench his fist around Louis’ ass. He needed more, needed to get more inside.

“God, Louis,” he breathed, feeling the blood swell to his cheeks. “Can I fuck you?”

The words Louis never thought he would hear from Liam made him nearly choke on Zayn's dick.

"You wanna fuck me?" he said, eyeing Liam over his shoulder. "Like stick your cock up my arse?"

"Well, why wouldn't he?" Zayn jumped in, sincere curiosity threaded in his voice. Louis shot a grin down at him while letting out a delighted coo. Zayn smirked.

Louis sighed. "Well, Zayn, it's probably 'cause he thinks my arsehole is dirty. I will admit it has hosted a hefty number of visitors, but with all this loot I would imagine Liam could invest in a bidet."

Liam scrunched his face in a pained expression for about twenty seconds. "What is a bidet?" he asked finally.

Zayn chuckled. "Isn't that one of those asshole cleaners they have in Italy?"

"Right you are, Zaynie," Louis said, pointing at Zayn enthusiastically. "But I do not need one, as I take very good care of my sexybits."

"Your... sexybits?"

"Yes, Liam, my sexybits. So if you still have the urge to fuck my brains out, I suggest you get on with it before I jump on this dick right here," Louis said, tapping at Zayn's hip bone.

Liam gulped. He didn't want that. By the looks of it, they were all pretty close to coming, and Liam would have been devastated if he didn't get to put his dick in anything. Devastated.

He took a deep breath, reaching out to clutch each of Louis' bum cheeks once more. "Alright then," he breathed before lining up at Louis' entrance. Pressing his thumbs hard into the flesh, Liam pushed his hips forward, slowly, slowly, and then-

Louis screamed. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Zayn was shaking his head. "Not cool man."

Liam looked around frantically. "What what. What have I done?" he asked, feeling like he did in grade two when he accidentally killed the class iguana.

"Lube?" Louis spat.

"Condom?" Zayn added.

Liam blinked. "Whoa whoa whoa. I realize I make some stupid comments, but I know dudes can't get pregnant."

Louis slapped a hand to his forehead and dragged it down his face.

"You didn't even use your fingers, man," Zayn said, looking absolutely disgusted. Liam wanted to crawl into Louis' asshole and die.

He huffed, shaking his head and raising his hands in front of his face. "I don't know. I guess I figured he would be wet enough, I-"

"Wet?" Zayn gasped. "You think blokes get wet in their arsehole?"

"And I s'pose you think we shoot spunk outta there too," Louis said before exchanging a wide-eyed look with Zayn.

"SMH at straight people," they said in unison.

Liam pouted down at his boner. "I'm not straight," he said, earning a mock-sympathetic frown from the two others.

"Listen," Zayn said, sitting up with a grunt. "How 'bout I prep Louis for you. That way, I get to have some fun with 'im and you don't send him to the hospital."

Zayn looked between the two of them, awaiting a reaction.

Liam stroked his beard, while Louis nodded eagerly, practically jumping next to Zayn.

"You go find a condom while Zayn and I have some fun, yeah?" Louis instructed, waving off Liam as he looked into Zayn's eyes.

Whining from the back of his throat, Liam sprung up from the bed and scurried to the bathroom. He didn’t have to look back to learn that Louis and Zayn were already making the most of their time alone together. Sheets rustled, muffled from the wall separating the two rooms, and Liam winced as Louis purred something undoubtedly dirty.

After shuffling around in cabinets and drawers, Liam finally found a box of Trojans and a tube of cherry lube. “Trojan maaaan,” he sang while exiting the bathroom.

It seemed as though Louis was singing back to him through the bedroom door, but once Liam opened it, it became clear that that was not the case.

“Fuck, Zayn. Oh yeah right there,” Louis shouted again, paying no attention to Liam, who now stood frozen in the doorway.

“What the hell?” he said, looking wounded as Zayn pounded into his best friend. “I was literally gone for ten seconds.”

Zayn wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. He had one hand on Louis’ shoulder, steadying himself as he fucked him in missionary. “I work fast,” he explained, sparing Liam one quick glance. “And you have condoms and lube in your nightstand. Sorry, babe.”

Liam growled but soon stopped himself once he realized that Zayn called him babe. Yes, British people often used babe as a platonic pet name, but Zayn was Filipino, so it was way different.

“I love you too,” Liam said.

“What?”

Louis kicked his heels into Zayn’s back, demanding him to thrust deeper inside him. Zayn obliged, his breath growing shallower as his hips plunged forward. His nails dug deeper into the smaller boy’s shoulder, and his teeth dug deeper into his bottom lip.

“Fuck,” he moaned, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. “Gonna come.”

Louis pushed back onto Zayn’s cock, head lulled to the side amidst the overwhelming arousal. “Me too,” he managed to get out, voice tight and coated with lust.

A single tear trickled down Liam’s cheek, and a single drop of come rolled down his shaft.

The intervals between Zayn’s thrusts increased and were gapped with a string of curses as he reached his climax. Both of his hands rested on Louis’ shoulders now, helping him maintain the leverage to ride out his orgasm.

Louis followed shortly after, whining into his forearm as he came all over his stomach. Liam watched as his chest rose and fell before scanning upward and taking in his slack jaw and furrowed eyebrows. And in that moment, Liam swore he had never been this hard before.

“Okay, well that was totally not cool,” Liam said, arms folded over his naked stomach. He tapped his foot while staring down the breathless boys in front of him. “What am I supposed to do now?” he said, eyes narrowed. “What are we supposed to do now?” he added, gesturing down at his penis.

“Relax,” Louis answered, rolling his eyes. He paused to catch his breath, eyes looking more and more dazed with every exhale. “I’ll be good to go again in another minute. Just get me a Power Bar or something.”

“No,” Liam huffed indignantly. “That’s just- no, it’s not the same.”

Louis shrugged. “Suit yourself. I already got bingo”

Liam was starting to think that Louis was just as bad as women.

“Why does no one wanna fuck my arse, eh?” Zayn piped up, instantly grabbing the attention of both Liam and Louis. “I mean I know it’s small, but-”

“Dibs,” Louis chirped, index finger pointing in the air.

His jaw clenching, eyes widening, and veins bulging, Liam charged forward, gathered Louis in his arms, and threw him off the bed.

Ignoring the booming thud and angry curses directed at him, Liam proceeded to hop up on the bed and crawl over to Zayn.

“Is he gonna be okay?” the tattooed boy said through a snicker. Without answering, Liam leaned in to press his lips to Zayn’s. He carded through his quiff with one hand and caressed his neck with the other.

“You’re really beautiful,” Liam said, eyes captured by Zayn’s red, swollen lips. He felt stupid saying something so soppy - even more stupid with Louis making gagging noises from the floor - but his shame was soon diminished by Zayn’s lips returning to his.

Remembering what they were doing here in the first place, Liam let his hand trace down Zayn’s torso and over his semi-hard cock.

Zayn gasped, clearly overly sensitive, but thrusted up into Liam’s hand. After allowing Liam a few tugs of his hardening dick, he wrapped his own hand around the other boy’s and guided it toward his balls.

“Here,” Liam said, using his other hand to tap at Zayn’s hip, signaling him to turn around. “Why don’t you relax on your stomach? Let me take care of you,” he said before laughing nervously.

A loud scoff came from the floor. “Would you like me to light some scented candles and flip on some Norah Jones?” Louis teased dryly.

Liam ignored him, instead choosing to watch Zayn roll over with his bum in the air and hands tucked under his chin. “Fuck,” he whispered, scanning the boy’s evenly-tanned body up and down. He stroked a hand down Zayn’s back while simultaneously spreading his legs. Positioning both knees between Zayn’s, Liam rested both hands on each of his ass cheeks.

“I think I broke my wrist,” Louis observed from the ground, aimlessly twisting his hand around in various motions.

Relishing in the tightness and perkiness of Zayn’s ass, Liam massaged his cheeks in each hand momentarily before sliding a finger down his crack. If it was not made clear earlier, Liam really loved ass.

Zayn hummed into his forearm once Liam began massaging his hole. He traced and rubbed and teased until Zayn was grinding down into the mattress. Only then did Liam reach for the bottle of lube he had scavenged from the bathroom and coat his finger with a generous dosage.

He slid the finger in slowly while using the thumb of his other hand to rub circles into Zayn’s skin. “How’s that?” he asked, leaning in closer.

“All good,” Zayn answered, hips rising slightly as he pushed back into Liam’s hand. “No need to be too careful now, just-” Liam pushed his finger in all the way. “Yeah fuck. Gimme more.”

After nearly moaning at the wet noise of his finger leaving Zayn’s hole, Liam slicked up another finger. He slid the first one back in as he prodded at Zayn’s rim with the other.

“Give it to me,” Zayn whispered, barely audible with his face pressed down into the duvet.

“You heard the man,” Louis added.

Feeling pressured, Liam shoved the second finger in with one quick slurp and began finger-fucking Zayn in earnest. He caught his lip between his teeth in concentration, focusing on his fingers disappearing into the boy beneath him.

Zayn groaned as he steadied himself on his elbows. He released a low “Mmmm” while looking at Liam over his shoulder, making the larger boy’s cock twitch against his stomach.

“You ready?” he asked, unashamedly eager to get his dick in something.

Zayn nodded, triggering a choir of angels in Liam’s head. “Been ready all day,” Zayn purred, winking over his shoulder before giving Liam a steady once over.

Liam’s dick twitched again. He was starting to think something was wrong with it.

Without much further thought, Liam tore open a condom and rolled it over his shaft.

While tracing one hand down the bumps of Zayn's spine, Liam used the other to line his dick up at his entrance. He pushed in slowly, eyes locked on Zayn's rim stretching around his length.

Zayn hissed as he spread his legs more, nuzzling his chin into his shoulder. "Holy shit. You're huge," he groaned, taking Liam deeper.

Liam moaned in response. He bottomed out in Zayn and had to stifle a gasp at how tight he was. But Zayn seemed to adjust well, allowing his hole to stretch out enough for Liam to be able to move.

Liam thrusted, now with both hands digging into Zayn's hips. "You feel amazing," he gushed, aware at how highschooler-losing-his-virginity he sounded. He couldn't help it. Zayn was that good.

Zayn moaned again, this time more high-pitched, and kept releasing a series of muffled whimpers with each thrust. "Yeah," he whined, pushing back into Liam now. "Agh. Yes fuck."

Liam widened his knees to give himself a stronger base. He pulled harder on Zayn's hips, meeting himself halfway as he pounded relentlessly.

He tried going faster, moving his hips in short, quick beats. The quickened pace taking a toll on his breathing, Liam exhaled in a low grumble accompanied by a string of curses.

"Here," Zayn said, twisting around to look at Liam. "Lay down. I got you."

Liam let his dick slide out as the smaller boy rolled over on his back. He extended a hand, and Zayn took it before hoisting himself up into the muscular boy's lap.

"Perfect," Zayn hummed before grabbing hold of Liam's cock. He gave it a few quick pumps before lowering himself onto it.

They exhaled together, eyes locked as Zayn took all of Liam.

"Shit," Liam huffed, letting his head fall back into the sheets. "So much tighter than a pussy."

Pressing both hands down on Liam's shoulders, Zayn bounced up and down while releasing a light trill of laughter.

Liam grabbed each of Zayn's thighs before sliding his hands to the boy’s ass. As Zayn lowered himself into Liam's ball sack once more, Liam couldn't help but thrust up into him.

Zayn cried out, eyes squeezing shut and head falling back. Liam did it again.

"Fuckfuckfuck," Zayn cried, voice shallow and beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. "Gonna come. Gonna..."

After Liam thrusted into him once more, Zayn's cock twitched before spurting out white liquid all over his stomach. Streams of come dribbled down his abs and onto Liam's hips. The obscenity paired with Zayn's hole clenching around his dick made Liam completely lose it.

He came without warning, filling up the condom instantly. "Fuck," he cried out, eyes shut and head falling to the side. "Shit shit shit," he murmured under his breath, absolutely overcome with arousal.

Zayn lifted himself off his dick and plopped on his back, exhaling with a dazed grin. "Jesus," he laughed while shaking his head.

"Yeah," Liam agreed as he rolled off the condom.

"Same," a voice said from the floor.

"Shut up, Louis."

…

After coming down from their highs, Liam and Zayn allowed Louis to rejoin them on the bed. They lay face up, Zayn in the middle with his arms sprawled out on each of the other boys’ chests. “So I have a question,” he said, voice husky and smooth all at the same time.

“Shoot,” Liam replied. He rolled onto his side to face Zayn and rested his head on his hand.

Zayn raised a finger before rolling over Louis and onto the floor. “So when I was in here,” he began, walking through the closet door. Liam’s eyes widened. “I couldn’t help but notice about a dozen stacks of these in the corner.”

Without even having to look at what Zayn had fetched from the closet, Liam let out a prolonged groan. He rolled over into Louis, who was now cackling.

“You mean you didn’t tell him how you got all this dough?” Louis squeaked through his laughter. “Go ‘head, Zayn. Put it on.”

Zayn snorted, looking down at the plush fabric before wrapping it around himself. “Zebra print,” he said, beaming. “Much better than a smart car.”

Louis slapped a hand over his mouth. “You did not tell him you invented the smart car, Li.”

Liam shrugged while shaking his head at his lap. “I didn’t want to lie. I just -”

“Well, I think you owe Zayn the truth,” Louis said through a snicker, eyeing Zayn, who looked far too amused to need an apology. Louis inched in toward Liam, his lips ending up a centimeter away from his ear. “Say it out loud,” he said dramatically.

After wiping both hands over his face, Liam looked at Zayn. “Fine,” he said, watching as the messy-quiffed, inked-up boy spun around in nothing but zebra print. “Zayn,” he said, voice stern. “I invented the snuggie.”

Amidst Louis’ clapping and Liam’s noises of self-pity, Zayn followed with “Right you did. Can I keep it?”

Smirking fondly at the black and white sleeves flopping down over Zayn’s hands, Liam nodded. “For you? Anything.”

“Sick.”

Zayn walked forward before hopping back on the bed and plopping back down between Liam and Louis. He spread open the snuggie so that it was covering all their naked bodies.

“Now I have a question for you,” Liam said, face inches apart from Zayn’s.

The other boy raised an eyebrow. “Go for it.”

Clearing his throat, Liam scanned Zayn’s face, eyes tracing from his lips to his hairline and back to his eyes. “Did it hurt?” he asked before blinking once.

Louis grunted. “Liam, I swear to god if this is another one of your pickup lines. For fuck’s sake you already got him in bed, I-”

“It’s a genuine question,” Liam whined defiantly, lifting himself up so he could flick his friend in the nose. “Did it hurt?” he repeated, looking down at Zayn now.

“Did...the sex hurt? Zayn asked, wrinkling his nose.

Shaking his head, Liam raised a hand to pet Zayn’s hair. “Did it hurt…” he started again, frowning a bit. “When I headbutted you?”

Zayn blinked several times before pursing his lips and furrowing his eyebrows. “I mean… you knocked me out, so…”

Liam’s face lit up. “So no.”

The room fell silent for about twenty seconds.

“Liam, you’re an idiot,” Louis said finally.