Archive of Our Own ^beta

True love is a wonderful thing. When one finds the person they’re meant to spend the rest of their life with, it can feel indescribable. But just because Fate thinks two people should be together doesn’t mean circumstances or the two themselves make it easy. Sometimes, two people who could have a wonderful thing, don’t realize their love until it’s too late, until death has shown them what they lost. And sometimes, true love conquers even death, and the two meet again on the other side.

This was the case for Sam Winchester and Castiel Novak. Born in an era when same sex couples were frowned upon and well hidden, Castiel chose to remain unwed while Sam hid behind relationships with women, the shadow his brother Dean cast putting expectations of marriage and a large family on the youngest Winchester’s shoulders. But by the age of twenty-five, he had yet to marry, unable to find happiness with any woman so long as he remained friends with Castiel, so close to the one he truly loved yet unable to have him.

Shortly after his twenty-sixth birthday, Sam fell ill. The local doctor couldn’t explain it and nothing made it better. The youngest Winchester was dying. Dean sent for Castiel, for his brother’s closest friend, to say his goodbyes. When Castiel arrived, he was met with a somber Dean and knew there was not much time.

Upon reaching Sam’s room, he found the young man seemingly asleep in his bed. As he entered, Sam opened glassy eyes and offered a wan smile. Instead of lighting a candle, Castiel drew the curtains, letting the sunshine fill the room though it did nothing to quell the air of gloom lingering there.

“You’re dying,” he said unnecessarily as he sat in the wooden chair at Sam’s bedside. He’d heard the stories about the young man’s illness, but until now, it hadn’t been real. He couldn’t believe the man he loved was going to die.

Sam hummed in agreement then coughed once. “I’m sick, Castiel,” he croaked. “They can’t… They can’t figure out what it is, but I know. Lovesick. The person I love is the only person who can make it better.”

“Who might that be?” Castiel asked, afraid of the answer. If it wasn’t him… he didn’t know how his heart would fare.

“You,” Sam breathed. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. But I know… I know that you don’t love me-”

“But I do,” Castiel interrupted. “I’ve loved you, too, Sam. But you’ve only seemed interested in finding a wife, in being like your big brother. I didn’t think you were interested in men or the trouble that would come of being with one. If anyone were to find out...”

Sam chuckled which sent him into another cough. Once he’d caught his breath, he reached a hand out to Castiel but the older man turned away. He couldn’t, not if Sam were dying. It wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t save Sam from Death’s icy claws.

“Sam, I can’t,” he said, heart breaking when he caught sight of the tear that slid down Sam’s cheek before the younger man turned away.

“Goodbye, Castiel,” Sam whispered.

The breath caught in Castiel’s chest and he opened and closed his mouth a few times as he stood. But what could he say? He wouldn’t have Sam now, couldn’t save him from dying. So he turned away but before he pulled the door closed behind him, he turned back to the bed, Sam still refusing to meet his eyes.

“Goodbye, Sam,” he said then pulled the door closed behind him.

As Castiel descended the stairs, meeting Dean’s grief-filled eyes wit his own, his heart broke. He nodded in silent goodbye to the elder Winchester and left for his own home without another word.

Sam died that evening. They rang the church bells for him, and Castiel listened from his front porch, heart breaking and tears streaming down his face. He grieved the man he loved in the safety of his own home, but at the funeral two days later, he remained the perfect picture of a family friend, consoling Dean as they buried his brother.

Several days later, Dean found Castiel on the floor of his home, his gun beside him and a note on the table. Its contents were no surprise to him, having known Castiel was in love with his brother. Unlike the rest of the town, he didn’t care. If it made them happy, he’d have loved to see them together.

But life hadn’t worked out that way. Sam and Castiel never found their happily ever after in life, but maybe they would now in death. Castiel had no family in town, so Dean arranged his funeral. He had him buried beside Sam where he belonged, hoping they’d find one another in Heaven.

A year later, around the anniversaries of both of their deaths, Dean returned to the graveyard to visit his baby brother and dear friend. As he approached the graves, he saw a rose growing out of Sam’s and a briar growing out of Castiel’s. They had grown around one another and tangled together. To some, it might appear messy and unkempt, but Dean knew it for what it truly was.

A True Love’s Knot.