Chapter Text

10 More Seconds. Just hold on for 10 more seconds.

It was something her grandfather had always said to her. A Vietnam vet who always had a word of advice or a way to fight through something. It started when she was 11. Tuesdays and Thursdays were P.E. days, and they always started the same - with running.

She was no runner.

It was never from lack of trying though. She always wanted to be a good runner, had always had this romanticized fantasy of running freely through the woods or a lush forest, with nothing but a clear head and the wind rushing around her. An escape. For so long it had sounded like heaven to her. In theory, anyways. In practice...

She was no runner.

Regardless of the determination to improve and all the practice she had put in to increasing her cardio and speed skills it never seemed to matter much. By the end of the year she had only improve her time by roughly five seconds, a trend that continued until she graduated high school. It also didn't help matters that puberty had not been at all kind to her. Her previous baby fat had multiplied and solidified and, despite her mother's desperate attempts to make her only daughter 'beautiful' again, it wouldn't go away and would stick with her late into her senior year. And, naturally, of course, all the other kids were very good and consistent in letting her know that it was her weight that made her so slow. And lazy. And worthless. And...all the other cruel things kids are known to say. So when her 11 year old self had come home in tears one afternoon and was caught by her grandfather before she could make it to the shelter of her room, he refused to release her until she came clean about what had been bothering her. And just like always when it was only him and her, she caved quickly.

He let her cry everything out, continuously wiped her tears away while she launched into the long winded speech about how horrible her life was and how it would never get any better, and cleaned up her running nose when she finished with a much too dramatic declaration that she would never, ever, in her entire life, be happy again. He helped her through it and watched it all with practiced patience and minor amusement, that she luckily was too young and distraught to catch, speckling his warm brown eyes.

When she had finally wrapped it all up and had calmed down enough to quell the hiccups that always followed when she had a big crying fit, he removed her from the knee he had had her perched upon and stood her directly in front of him so he could look her straight in the eye.

"Now you listen to me little bird. The most important thing you can do in life is try. There's nothing wrong in not being able to do something, and no shame in having to ask for help, but you have to at least try. So, whenever you feel like you can't do something, or that you have nothing left to give - just hold on for 10 more seconds."

She had simply nodded along and then finally retreated to her room when he allowed her to be excused. She never would have said it, least of all to him, but it had sounded dumb to her at the time. What didn't he get? If she could hold on any longer then it wouldn't be such a problem. But then she got older and, thankfully before his 69th birthday and subsequent death the day after, she realized he had only been planting the seeds for her to harvest later on in life.

And so, as she stood here now, practically dead on her feet already, her head, along with the entire world around her it seemed, spinning so badly she couldn't even take a guess as to what was up or down and ready to just throw in the towel already, she managed to get a slight glimpse of something off to the side of her peripheral vision.

Brown eyes. Brown eyes that were never suppose to even be here. Big, dark and oh so depending that she instantly knew. This was one of those times.

Just 10 more seconds. Hold on for just 10. More. Seconds.

With one last spurt of gas she knew she shouldn't possibly have left, she dug down with everything she could muster and pushed against her current road block with everything she had. Her whole body screamed in protest and in her mind, she let out a primal scream for survival. She was almost positive she didn't, but it sounded good and seemed like a cool mental image to motivate herself with.

Just as she began to wonder what on earth this fucking couch was made of to make it so heavy and unmoving, she heard the scraping of wood on wood just before the whole thing lurched forward against the infinitely lighter book case she had first manged to brace against the door.

She collapsed to the floor and against the side of the couch. She took only a moment then made to reposition herself, but only managed to turn slightly so that she fell back and was now resting against the wall.

She just needed to close her eyes.

Everything was so loud. Her heartbeat pounding at every pulse point, the blood rushing in her ears. It was all so deafening. She just needed it to quiet down some.

After some time, she couldn't know how long, the rushing slowed. The pounding lessened. Soon she was able to start catching hints of other things. Her ragged breathing. The hungry growls from the walkers that were still digging and clawing to get in. Then, just barely but there all the same, soft shuffling. It was that sound that called for her to reopen her eyes.

Brown. That's what she was met with. The familiar, warm brown eyes that were big and staring as always. Her vision was really starting to cloud heavier at the edges now and she couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps she was already dead, the way he seemed to just stare straight through her. But then his hand came up, clutching the same damn yellow hanky he was never without, and slowly started to wipe at the blood that had gushed from her nose and stained over her lips as it seeped down. There were other places. So many other places. But this was the area that seemed to cause him the most concern and it was that little bit of comforting touch that finally allowed her to release her breath.

They were fine. They were safe. For now only, maybe, but that was all that mattered. They just needed some time. Time to sort things out. Time to reevaluate. Time to just...be.

She wasn't even aware that her head had lolled off to the side. She wasn't aware of the concerned brown eyes that followed the movement.

She just needed a minute. Just a few minutes to rest up. That's all.

Just 10 more seconds.

Chapter Text

She had never woken up from a dream. Not once in her entire life. It wasn't that she didn't dream, quite the opposite, she had just never woken up from one. If she was having a bad or upsetting dream she was stuck there for the duration of it, no exceptions. And she was never dreaming or coming out of dreaming when she would wake up in the mornings. So she was never able to understand or comprehend when in books and movies and t.v the characters would equate something to waking up from a dream. A dreamy, foggy haze that you had to float through as you determine if what you're experiencing is actually real or not on your way back to the waking world.

At the age of thirty four, she was finally experiencing it for the first time.

And it sucked.

She didn't feel anything at first, just the haze. It felt like being submerged underwater. Conscious, but not really aware of what's going on above the surface. Only the muted buzzing sound and the feeling of both floating and not being able to move at the same time. The sensation made her start to panic until she felt the other thing.

Not pain, surprisingly. Fortunately, but surprisingly.

No, this was something else. She couldn't place a finger on it, but it was definitely something.

Her eyelids fluttered ever so slightly, just enough to test them before she blinded herself by opening them to straight daylight. Her eyesight was significantly worse than it was when she was last awake and she was just barely able to make out the shapes surrounding her. Two that were right in front of her. Except...

Those two shapes should only be one. And both of them were much bigger than the one she should have been seeing and was expecting to see.

That was enough. She sobered up almost instantly.

The eyes are what caught her attention first. Two sets. Two sets of blue eyes but vastly different beyond that. One wide and alert, guarded, but also aware and taking stock of the situation. The other set however...

Hard. Icy. Narrowed. Accusing.

Shit.

It took nothing more than a fleeting second for her to understand just how screwed she was. She wouldn't try to fight back. Not this time. Even in the off chance they hadn't already stripped her of the one knife she had left attached to her there was just no physical way she could defend herself. Not again. Not today. Not with both of them. Hell, not even with one. She may have been reckless from time to time but she always liked to think that she wasn't outright stupid.

It didn't stop the anxiety and frustration from bubbling to the surface though and her right hand had subconsciously flexed. Icy blue noticed immediately and must have thought she was getting ready to try something, for he took a step forward and it was only then that she finally took notice of the arrow pointed at the center of her forehead for the first time.

"Ah ah. Don'. Move."

It seemed barely a whisper, a perfect contradiction. Soft and light yet hard and commanding. Accompanied by that cold as ice stare and it completely shook her to the core and had her instantly frozen to her spot. But the slight fear it encouraged also sparked something else. Another thought that had left her briefly due to her mind still being so sluggish and struggling to catch up but was now returning like a wailing siren.

Where was that third shape?

She knew the panic registered on her face before she could even attempt to stop it and if the fear hadn't had been so intense she would have smacked herself for it. She knew, above all else, that if you wanted to survive in this new world you had to follow one very important rule:

Never let them know what's important to you.

It was a two second blur that felt as if it had stretched on for hours. She was vaguely aware of trying to move, saw the way icy blue tensed up even more and went to make a move to do, she could only imagine what, when big blue made her presence known.

"He's fine."

Everything stopped again. The voice was soft, somewhat nervous but seemed genuine even with the slight shake. And she desperately wanted to believe it, but...

Big blue spoke up again when she seen the hesitation. "He's fine," she reiterated with a single nod of confirmation. "Your boy is fine."

As if on cue she watched brown eyes poke out from around the girl who had him, in a seemingly protective manner, hidden behind her. He was there and still unharmed.

The relief was imminent as her head came to rest against the wall once more, and it clearly showed and hit something because suddenly icy blue wasn't quite as tense as he had been moments before. As if her display of care and worry for the young child was enough to ease something within him. It wasn't much. He still had the arrow perfectly aimed and ready to go and he still looked like he rather die than trust her. But she could see in his hard, steely eyes that something about her had come off as a little less threatening to him in that moment.

Appreciate the little things, she could hear her grandfather's jolly voice ringing in her ear.

"You got a group?"

That was what he asked her. His voice was louder this time than it had been the first but it still sounded rough like gravel, and that was the question he asked her.

Because of course it was.

She almost rolled her eyes despite herself. Almost.

It had become the single handed most hated question of this new world, a double edge sword because in her experience there was no right answer. If you admitted to being with a group then that was the next visit and it never ended good, and if you admitted to being alone, well then. You open yourself up to an even bigger can of worms. It was exactly how she ended up in this run down shack to begin with.

The stalled answer was noticed immediately, just as she knew it would be. This time even big blue tensed up in the corner, effectively bringing the boy back behind her. But it was icy blue that was in charge and he was not one bit happy.

"Hey!" it was a bark thrown in her face that completely disoriented her. "I asked ya a question, ya got a group or not?!"

She wasn't trying to piss him off, she truly wasn't. She had no games to play, nothing to bargain with. It was just too much. All of it. The running and the fighting from earlier. Now the interrogation and yelling. She could feel her body switching into sensory overload and shutting down. Her vision was glazing over again and she could vaguely hear icy blue yelling something at her and maybe even perhaps the girl calling something out before she started to feel herself falling forward.

"ANSWER ME!"

Then, just as suddenly, she was jerked back and the back of her head hitting the wall behind her is what snapped her back to reality once again, with a gasp, and the incidental movement she caught him making, not sure what his intentions were, got her back in the game.

"Me!" she squeaked out as quickly as she could, cutting off whatever it was he was about to say. The sudden attempt at talking had her coughing and wheezing for a moment and she had to spit out the small mouthful of blood the action had brought up. She took a second to make sure her breathing was stable and lowered her hands that had come up on reflex for protection before continuing. "Me, just me," She raised her head some to connect with brown eyes. "Just us."

It was quiet again. For some time, it seemed. Everybody was watching everybody else. Or, she was waiting for their decision. They were watching.

Watching. Analyzing. Judging. Determining.

She wanted to stay connected to the brown eyes, should the outcome not be good. She wanted to at least be able to assure him somehow, that if this was indeed the end, she wasn't leaving him. She would always be right there with him. It was because of that connection she was trying to make with him that caused her to miss the head to toe once over icy blue had given her.

"An' the ones who did this to ya..." her eyes rose to meet his meekly. His voice was back to that commanding whisper it had started as. She wasn't sure which was more intimidating. "Wha' 'appened ta 'em?"

Ever the tracker he had no problems seeing it. The flash. The anger. The darkness. Her eyes hardening so much so that if it wasn't for her face he might not have recognized it as the same person. For the first time in the past several minutes, she seemed perfectly collected.

"Gone."

It was as vague an answer as you could get. And yet, not. He had been out in the world, after all. He knew what a lot of people had turned into. Hell, they had just gone through it themselves. Seeing the shape she was in, the fire that ignited instantly at the mention of it, they may not have details but it wasn't too hard to theorize what had happened.

He spared a quick glance back at his traveling companion and it seemed they had both come to the same conclusion: If this woman was going to be a threat, it wasn't going to be to them. They both knew it, could feel it in their bones. The girl gave him a small nod that he returned, and when he faced the woman in front of him again his crossbow was already mostly lowered.

If she wasn't so exhausted she would have cried out in relief. She could see it too, that they wouldn't hurt either of them and that they knew she wouldn't hurt them.

"Ya'll got names?" he was still all rough edges and gruff voice, but he seemed decidedly more approachable.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Grandfather. His voice was ever present.

She grabbed both hands that were suddenly offered to her. "Tess," it came out as they helped her stand, something between a croak and a whimper. The young girl was helping her to lean against the couch and it almost seemed like there was a delicate hand rubbing soothing circles on her back while she caught her breath again. She didn't know if it was really happening or not, but it was nice regardless. It had been a long time since she had felt any kind of soothing touch. "And this," she rested her hand on the young boy's shoulder, noting he had finally come from his corner to stand by her, "is Luke."

Chapter Text

Daryl and Beth.

Those were the names she eventually got in return.

There were more questions after that. The usual stuff, plus another set of three that sounded like they were being asked as an oral exam. Another sort of test to judge her character. Just because they didn't see her as a current threat didn't mean they trusted her fully. How could anyone these days?

How many walkers have you killed? How many people have you killed? Why?

Simple enough questions that she had simple enough answers for.

Her walker kill - a new term to her ears - she estimated to be around forty but couldn't possibly be sure of an exact number. She wasn't sure how anyone could really be keeping track of such a thing.

Her people kill was, recently, updated to three.

The why was the same for all three - she had to.

For the second two it was a matter of their lives or hers and, most likely, Luke's.

For the first...she just had to.

Apparently her answers were satisfactory enough for now, even if it was blatantly obvious that that last answer wasn't the most becoming of her. She could see the way the man, Daryl, gave her a lingering look on that one. She could see the thoughts swirling around in his eyes, attempting to spot something about her that could lead him to a more solid image. But still, it was enough for now.

After a quick search of the little shack that produced next to nothing they could actually use, save for a few random packs of crackers, the new couple - she assumed that's what they were - got her situated on the couch before Beth insisted on looking her over. From what Tess could make out and comprehend from the words coming out and floating around her, still having trouble with focusing, Beth had at least a basic understanding of medical care thanks to her dad. The solemn looks that passed over both their faces and the sadness that filed the air let her know he was no longer with them. Her guess would be that it was relatively recently too.

Not counting the various cuts, scrapes and bruises that were littered everywhere along with the massive swelling, her major list of injuries included a broken nose, a black left eye that had an accompanying laceration on the side of her temple just above her eyebrow, several bruised ribs - per Beth's best guess - and a nasty looking gash on her left side spanning from right under her shoulder blade to down around her rib cage in a long curve before dropping somewhat jaggedly to rest above her hip bone. That one definitely gathered intrigue as to the origin. It was also the one they were worried about. It wasn't too deep, save the first three inches or so at the very top, and it wasn't bleeding excessively, at the moment anyways. But there was a slow, continuous seeping. Plus there was the risk of it getting infected. It definitely could have used to be stitched up but they had nothing to achieve that with. So they did the best with what they had. They took a shirt from somewhere, Tess again could barely keep her eyes open at that point, and secured it over the gash by tying it in place with strips of the couch fabric as a sort of make shift tourniquet.

She was dead to the world after that.

She drifted in and out some for the most part. She vaguely felt Luke's tiny fingers clutching for her hand at one point, heard her new roommates' soft talking to one another, but everything was coming in flutters and whispers.

She didn't know how long she had been out but she knew the exact second she woke up.

It was with a start. Her entire body felt like it was shaking, damn near convulsing from the pain and she felt like she couldn't catch her breath. It seemed the last of her adrenaline rush had finally worn off while she was sleeping and now that it had, she was feeling everything.

There was an ungodly ache everywhere. It felt like her whole midsection had been the direct hit target of a mac truck. Her head felt like it was on the verge of exploding and the skin surrounding her left side felt like liquid fire flowing everywhere. She felt the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes and heard herself grunting through the pain when she remembered where she was, and with who, for the first time. They were all there in that little one room shack and the last thing she wanted was to wake them up just so they could watch her cry.

She glanced over to her right to see the small form of Luke curled up on the floor next to her and the other two laying against the wall on the other side of the room. Judging by the darkness and sounds of the different critters singing their night time melody, she'd say it was a little after midnight. Beth's hand twitched a little but there was no movement from either of them other than that. Tess waited another moment to make sure they were still before looking back to the ceiling above her and struggled to get her breathing back to a somewhat regular pattern and trying to ease her way through it. She spent a few minutes like that with little success and thought maybe if she could just get herself into a slightly more elevated position she'd be able to ease the pressure some and be able to breathe a little easier. She gripped the back and side of the couch and slowly tried to ease herself up a little, and regretted it immediately.

A wave of white hot pain instantly radiated throughout her and the whimper spilled past her lips before she could bring her hand up all the way to catch it. Her face scrunched up and her eyes screwed shut, forcing more tears to fall as she bit into her fist but it did nothing to stop the not nearly so silent sob that escaped.

She stilled then, suddenly.

She imagined it had to be nearly impossible to be apart of this new world and not have learned the signs, the feeling of being watched. She may have missed them before, but not this time.

She didn't even want to look. The knowledge alone, despite everything, was enough to have her feeling just slightly mortified. She didn't want to be viewed as, let alone be the one to give them a reason to view her as weak. Not when she was in such a dangerously vulnerable state already. Even good people are forced to do bad things they don't want to in order to survive now. Just because someone wasn't a current threat didn't mean they couldn't be with the right incentive. She proved that to herself in the biggest way the day before when the sheer desperation to keep Luke safe was fuel enough to allow her to do something she shouldn't have been able to, not on her own. She had been in much better physical shape then, though. She was sharper then, stronger. But now? Even with all the adrenaline in the world, could she really do that again right now if she had to?

She knew without even having to ask the question that the answer was no.

Beth seemed like she'd be an equal enough match in a fight if need be, but the sweet and young face gave her an unassuming air, and Tess knew those people could be the most dangerous. And once again that would be contingent on her actually being able to stand on her own, which she currently couldn't. Daryl, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. At her best she probably couldn't take him on by herself unless he was seriously injured. The two guys the day before had been bigger, but they had been cocky, sloppy in their arrogance and belief that she couldn't touch them at all. She was able to use that to her advantage, had been able to get some element of surprise on them. But Daryl? That would be completely different. It was the way he carried himself. Tense, self aware. Alert. She'd give her best guess to say he was a scrappy kind of fighter, easily able to adapt to any environment he might have been thrust into.

And so she didn't look over. Didn't meet the scrutinizing blue eyes that silently watched her in the stillness of the night. Didn't confirm what she already knew. The fact that in a manner of a few hours she had managed to give up her two biggest weaknesses that could easily be used against her.

Her physical weakness, being her actual physical state of being, and her mental one.

Luke.

It was a sobering enough thought that it allowed her to ignore the pain just enough once again, her hand falling down the side of the couch to curl around one of Luke's arms just for the reassurance.

It would be a very long night.

Chapter Text

Naturally running water had always been soothing to Tess. Mother Nature's own relaxing sedative. She had only planned to stop long enough to fill up some water bottles, but, surprisingly, there wasn't any of the dead milling about and Luke had started playing at the edge of the river bank with the two toy soldiers he had found a while back. Things had been going rough lately and she decided it was worth it just to enjoy the peacefulness for a little bit.

After about an hour she gave a soft whistle to Luke to grab his attention. He looked up and grabbed his toys and made his way over when she motioned for him with her head. She held her hand out and he gave her the figures.

"We'll play more later, alright?" she told him softly, to which he nodded.

She gave him a small smile and turned to put the figures in his little red backpack.

"Or..."

Her head jerked up to the other side of the river where a man she never heard coming was now standing.

"...We can just play now."

Her blood ran cold and she jumped up as fast as she could, grabbing their two bags and Luke's hand tightly and started moving.

She didn't make it far. As soon as she turned around she was met with the sight of another man walking towards them, trapping them both literally and figuratively.

"Whoa now, little lady, no need to go n' get all skittish and runnin' off. We're all here to make friends."

The look in his beady eyes said anything but.

"No thanks, got all the friends I need." she replied, in the calmest voice she could.

"That right?" he said with a chuckle. He looked all around her tauntingly. "And where might they be?"

She heard the first guy splashing through the water as he made his way over to their side, all the while trying to hold her poker face.

"Ya see now Mitch," the first guy started as he came to stand next to his companion in front of them. "I'm thinkin' she's bluffin' about them friends."

"I'm thinkin' you're right Cliff."

She stared at them both. They were big. Tall too. It definitely seemed they were doing pretty well for themselves. Hard and rugged, faces filled with evidence of past misdeeds and eyes promising the same was to come.

She folded.

"Look," she slowly set the bags down, never missing the amusement that flared in both their eyes at the resignation. "We don't have much, but it's yours," she pushed the bag towards them with her foot. "Just take it and we'll be on our way."

They laughed. Actually laughed at her.

"Darlin', that's cute an' all," the one who had been called Mitch started. "But I'm afraid you're not goin' anywhere, just yet. Ya see," he walked over closer and put an arm around her shoulder, making her tense up immediately. "It's been a lonely little bit for me and my buddy here, and you are the lucky first gal we've come across in quite some time. So, here's what we're gonna do. We're all gonna take a nice little walk through the woods, have us some fun, and maybe, just maybe, if you're a good girl we'll take you back to meet all our other friends you can play with," he gave her shoulder a hard squeeze that only brought her in closer to his side. "Sound good?"

No. No it did not.

"First things first, we're gonna need to take that from ya." the first guy, Cliff, announced, stepping forward and reaching down to remove the bowie knife attached to her right hip.

She took the moment.

The second he removed it she threw a kick dead center to his stomach and at just about the same time threw a elbow into the other's, hearing more than watching as they both doubled over and started wheezing.

She took off running, faster than she ever had in her entire life. Which might have been fine if she was alone, but she was practically dragging Luke along which was causing him to stumble and slow down their speed. Before she knew it, she was being tackled to the ground by what felt like a cement truck bowling her over. She tried to kick and crawl from under the body holding her down, feeling the rough dirt and jagged rocks digging into her skin. But it was the bigger of the two, Mitch who had taken her down and he had the full force of his weight on her and her arms pinned against her chest. She struggled still until he flipped her onto her back and grabbed her roughly by the chin and forced her head painfully to the side to show her that Cliff had Luke pulled against him with a knife to his neck.

"Now," he panted roughly, still trying to catch his breath. "Are we gonna play nice, or do we need ta make things more serious?"

She stilled instantly. "Okay. Okay." she nodded, panting just as heavily.

"Good. Would hate to see things turn ugly," he stood up and offered her a hand that she reluctantly took. "Now, first things first." he sent a swift punch to her gut.

She didn't even feel the pain. It was like all the air was instantly pulled from her body and she was left with a choking gasp before she fell to her hands and knees. Before she could even get past the shock of it, she felt the incredibly hard, strong kick to her right side that flipped her on her back once again. That time, she did feel the pain.

"There, now we're even," he smiled down at her with a disturbing leer. "And now," he gave one more kick to her side that left her crying out. "We're square."

Her body tried to curl in on itself to relieve some of the pain but he was already pulling her to her feet by a hand full of hair and proceeded to drag her forward, using his free hand to hold onto her upper arm for the added control. She did her best to turn enough to see Luke, make sure he was ok. He was wide eyed and terrified, it was clear, but from what she could tell he wasn't hurt. She just had to keep it that way.

They walked on, silently, for about five minutes before reaching a small clearing in the woods.

"Ah, here we go! Our own private little oasis. Today really is a lucky day, eh, Cliff?"

"Damn right it is!" he all but hooped and hollered his reply, still with Luke locked in his clutches.

Mitch smiled down at her again with that same skin crawling leer, before glancing at Cliff with a shit eating grin. "First claim."

The joyous look Cliff had previously wore morphed into pure annoyance.

"Oh c'mon man! I'm the one that found 'er!"

"Too bad, rules are rules, you know that."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled back, all but with a pout. "Whatever man, just hurry it the hell up already."

He started dragging her over to a tree, bruising grip still on her upper arm when she started to struggle again.

"Wait wait wait!"

"Nope, sorry darlin'. No more waitin'."

She tried to dig her heels into the ground some. "No, please wait, just..." he pushed her harder. "His eyes!"

He slowed some. "What now?"

"Just," she took a big breath, trying to keep the massive panic at bay. "Just cover his eyes, please!"

He stared down at her for a moment, staring into her already watery and imploring chocolate eyes before letting out a irritated grunt and giving Cliff a nod. Cliff rolled his eyes but took out a black rag from his back pocket and secured it around his eyes tightly.

"Happy?"

She ignored him. "Luke, honey, you just keep that on, ok? No matter what!" she stressed it as best she could and felt just a little better when he gave the tiniest of nods. It was bad enough he would be hearing things, she didn't need him to actually see it. He had seen enough already.

The front of her was slammed up against the tree, causing a grunt of pain to escape from the pressure on her aching midsection and the bark scrapping against the skin of her arms and hands and the right side of her face harshly, and his hands were instantly on her.

"Whelp, yer definitely no beauty queen, but I suppose beggars can't be choosers an' all that. You do have a certain little charm about ya though, I'll give you that."

The plaid shirt she had on was ripped open and his hand slid down the front of her tank top and bra and she couldn't stop the louder whimpers from escaping her lips as he started groping around before making his own sound of disapproval.

"Mm, not much there to speak of, huh? Shame."

He was slightly distracted by that one meager fact and she knew it was now or never to make a move.

Start with the senses. Eyes and nose. Get their eyes to water. If you can't see, you can't fight. Throat and gut. If you can't breathe, you can't fight.

With her grandfather's words as her guidance, she threw her head back as hard and fast as she could. She heard the startled yell but knew with the height difference she didn't get his nose fully so she threw her right elbow back before he could compose himself. That time, she heard the satisfying sound of bone crunching.

She spun to throw a straight right to his face, but was met with his own blow before she could connect. She had just a split second to feel dazed before the left side of her face was slammed against the tree trunk. Everything went black.

"Hey! You need -"

"No! Just stay there and keep the brat under control, dammit, I got it. Fuckin' bitch.”

She came to just slightly at vague words that were floating around her. It was a odd state of being, almost like that space between dream world and reality, except much fuzzier. She felt a slight floating sensation, but didn't know it was simply her body being dragged and then dropped somewhere else. She didn't feel her jeans and underwear being yanked down roughly, or the sounds of another zipper being undone. She just barely registered the weight settling on top of her. The one sudden thrust jolted her back into awareness, though, with her grandfather's voice ringing in her ears again.

The groin. Now that's always easy pickings.

She snapped her legs together and twisted and wrenched them to the side as best and as hard as she could. He gave a loud howl and jerked back and away from her, giving her just enough room to bring her knee up and jam it into his crotch, causing him to emit an even louder roar. It was when he hunched over that she saw it. Her bowie knife. He had it stuffed in his back pocket. She lunged and got her fingers wrapped around it just as Cliff came charging at her.

The force of his impact sent the knife flying from her hand. She ended up on her stomach, desperately clawing to reach it when he flipped her over and started throwing punches. Three in straight succession, right to her face. The sound of her own nose breaking wasn't nearly as satisfying.

"You really fucked up now, ya dumb cunt," his hands wrapped around her throat, cutting off what little air she had left. "Cuz, see," he leaned down to whisper angrily in her ear. "I got me a friend back at camp, and he's gonna be just tickled pink with that boy of yers."

NO!

A burst of adrenaline hit her and, without any knowledge of how, her fingers were suddenly wrapped around the hilt of her knife that was above her head and her arm came flying forward, hitting him right in the center of his forehead just as he caught her wrist to stop it.

But it was enough. He slumped over almost instantly and she scrambled to get out from under the dead weight as she withdrew the blade from him. She speedily grabbed for her pants and underwear, trying to get them pulled up again and had just gotten them to her waist and stood fully when she felt the ungodly sharp, white hot sting of a blade biting into her skin just below her left shoulder blade and she screamed out loudly.

There was absolutely no thought or plan when she came swinging around, the momentum of her own body turning causing the knife to drag down and around her ribs. But it was when her own knife was plunged into the side of his neck that his hand jerked down sharply, ending just above her hip bone before falling loosely from his hand.

He pushed her to the ground violently before stumbling back a step. The murderous glint in his eyes as he felt the knife protruding out of his neck had her scooting back and away from him. He followed. Still locked in on her like she was the prey about to be devoured. Even as he yanked the blade out, causing a geyser of blood to spurt out, he followed. She knew he had just signed his own death certificate by actually pulling the knife out, but still. He followed. Her back eventually hit the trunk of another tree and he was right in front of her, a red river rushing down the font of him, reaching out when, suddenly, he collapsed in a heap right next to her.

She held her breath, not wanting to let her defenses down just yet, just in case. He was down but it did nothing for the blanket of absolute fear surrounding her.

When she was sure he was dead, she let her head fall back as she release a pained sob. She thought for sure she was about to have a breakdown when she heard small whimpering and her eyes snapped open again.

Luke.

"Oh god,” she breathed out to herself. She saw him standing several yards away. She tried to stand but found she couldn't just yet, so she crawled over to him on her hands and knees, picking up her discarded knife on the way.

She yanked the rag off his face and instantly pulled him to her, his small arms wrapping around her neck. She pulled him back quickly and cradled his face, searching for any kind of damage but she couldn't see any, save for a small nick on the side of his neck where the man had been holding his blade to. But, she noticed, she was having a hard time seeing clearly at all. Though the thoughts that suddenly started coming through were clear as a bell.

Friends. They had a camp somewhere nearby, and they had friends.

They had to get out of there. Get as far away from the area before those friends came looking. She looked around for their two bags but didn't see them anywhere. She wasn't even sure now if they had ever grabbed them from the river bank and there was no time to stick around and go looking. So, with a curse, she forced herself to a stand, wobbling badly, desperately trying to apply some sort of pressure to her side, and started towing Luke behind her through the woods. She needed to find something, anything, and quickly.

They just had to get away from here.

Chapter Text

She wasn't sure when, but apparently she had finally managed to fall asleep again sometime in the early morning hours right before the sun started to rise. All the worrying mixed in with the fatigue was a nasty combination and she just couldn't hang anymore. She tried to open her eyes but was having trouble. It seemed the black eye was completely swollen shut now and the swelling from the broken nose was affecting the other. That wasn't even counting the fact that her head felt just as bad as it had the night before.

She let out a drawn out groan as she gingerly pushed herself up. The pain wasn't quite as intense as last night, but it was still much worse than anything she remembered feeling yesterday. As she propped herself against the arm of the couch, she saw Luke was sitting in front of the window, munching on a pack of crackers. When he looked up to see she was awake he hurried over to her with the crackers, carrying a small canteen she couldn't remember them having before with him. He climbed onto the couch next to her and handed her the cracker that was left and the canteen which, after sniffing it, she could tell was only a little water.

She hesitated at the offer, even with Luke trying to shove both items into her hands. The thought of taking any kind of food out of his mouth with how scarce things had gotten, even just a single cracker, felt wrong. But her stomach contents were just hanging on by a thread and the idea of the salt was sounding kind of miraculous right now, and her throat felt like full on sandpaper. So, with heavy guilt, she accepted both items.

She started with a half sip of water, wanting to prime her throat a little before attempting to swallow anything solid. She ate the cracker in small nibbles, trying to savor the little hints of salt that were soothing on her empty stomach. She finished the water in two sips before setting the canteen down on the couch and tossed the plastic wrapper to the floor. She took the moment of silence to look over Luke. Everything had been happening so fast she hadn't even gotten the chance to make sure he had suffered no injuries the day before. She ran a hand gently over his face, turning his head each way before giving his full body a quick pass over with her eyes. Other than the barely there nick on the side of his neck, he seemed, physically, ok. She brushed the hair out of his eyes, the mop of auburn brown curls becoming more unruly by the day. He really did need a haircut. She paused in her inspection of him when she realized just how quiet it was.

She looked over the rest of the room to find it empty. It was back to just the two of them. She was confused, trying to rack her brain for clues to bring the puzzling scene together.

There had been two other people here before, hadn't there? The scrappy dude and the sweet girl. Daryl and Beth. They were here, weren't they? They were real, weren't they?

Were they?

She looked to Luke quickly, freaked out by the fact that she might have fever dreamed the entire encounter, but also a little worried about confirming with him in case she really had imagined or dreamed the whole thing. She didn't need him worrying about her losing it. He had seen her too close to it enough as it was for her liking. But she was going to need to know what her facts were.

"Where are they?" she asked him quietly, voice rough and scratchy.

He looked over towards the window before looking back at her and shrugging his shoulders. That made her relax a little. He at least knew what and who she was talking about. She wasn't cracking. Yet. That was always a good thing.

She thought for a minute, "Did ya see 'em leave?"

He nodded to that.

"You did?" she was surprised by that, even though she had asked the question. "Well," she looked around the room again, "Did they say where they were goin'?"

His silence was no kind of answer. "Did they say anything?" she stressed to ask him.

He looked back to the window again and pointed at it, then back at her and rapidly shook his head.

She stared, deciphering his reply. "Don't leave?"

He nodded, letting her know her guess was right. She looked at the window that was covered in ratty curtains. The couch was still pushed against the door, and as far as she knew there was no other door in the place. They had to have gone out the window, the same way they had to have gotten in yesterday, she now realized.

Stay. Don't Leave. Wait.

That was a little hard to swallow first thing waking up.

Not that they currently had any better plans. Or any other plans at all. But the feeling didn't sit well with her still, having to wait around for two strangers who may or may not come back to do who knows what. But the company and extra bodies were a plus to her right now so she swallowed down the frustration that was creeping up. Fortunately, she didn't have to sit with it long because she heard the window start to rattle.

She blocked Luke as best she could, not able to be positive if it was friendly company or other and not currently having any weapons at her disposal seeing as they had, indeed, taken her knife.

She watched the shadow of the mystery person dance across the thin curtains before the window was roughly pushed up. She could hear slight huffing - whoever it was was partially out of breath - before a head poked through.

Daryl.

She let out the breath she had been holding until she saw the seriousness on his face.

He saw her and nodded once. "Good, yer up. Get yer shit, we're leavin'."

-x-

The story came in pieces of partial sentences and mostly jumbled words, but eventually she had gotten most of it down.

Thinking it best to find a more secure place of shelter sooner rather than later and drastically needing to locate supplies, Daryl and Beth - or just Daryl, she felt more confident in assuming based on their very brief interactions so far - had decided to start looking while she was still resting. Tess got the feeling, more from the things he didn't say, that originally he had planned to go off on his own, but decided he wasn't comfortable leaving Beth alone with her.

They ended up finding a place, a funeral home, that was perfectly secured as well as stocked with food. After scouting the area to make sure there was nobody else around, they had made the plan to come back to get her and Luke and rest up at the shack for one more night, mainly for her benefit she could only guess. But then Beth had hurt her ankle when they had been out doing a quick search for some more substantial meat they could hunt down, giving him no choice but to leave her at the funeral home and come back for Luke and Tess on his own.

Did she mention the group of walkers that he had to dispatch of around the shack? Because he sure did. Several times.

He was definitely in a sour mood. It was the only reason she let the obvious irritation at her much slower pace go by without a word in reply, even despite the fact that it had Luke clutching onto her thigh a little tighter than normally every time a irritable grunt came out or he got a little extra aggressive killing a stray walker. She didn't need to get on his bad side any more than she clearly was, not when he had come all the way back just to get them.

It did beg the question though, why had he come back? Why had either of them decided to come back? They hadn't been traveling together, they didn't know each other, there was no duty or obligation any of them owed to the other, so why come all the way back out here for two people who meant nothing to you? She spent most of the three or so hour hike pondering that very question.

She thought she was going to die by the time they got there. Her whole body felt like it was on fire again, not to mention the spasms going up and down her legs and back. She had never been so happy to see a cemetery before.

Beth was at the door waiting for them. She had been quite busy in her time alone. She had a whole tray of medical supplies waiting for Tess the second she sat down. She first gave her two of the pain reliever pills that were found in the place which cemented for Tess that, regardless of what ended up happening, she would love Beth forever. She then helped her clean off all the dried blood from her face and body before bandaging her up the best she could and stitching the large gash on her side close. She had saved resetting her nose for last, feeling slightly squeamish about being able to do it properly without causing Tess too much extra pain.

She wasn't nearly as good at it as she had been with the other stuff.

She had made four attempts to no success. Everytime Tess would start to squirm and whine from the pain, Beth would freak out a little and stop, apologizing profusely. After the last failed attempt Tess was ready to just say screw it, but Daryl had other plans in mind. He had come marching around the corner and up to her so fast she didn't even realize she was in trouble until he had a firm grip on her jaw as the other hand swiftly snapped her nose back into place.

She might have killed him, had she not been so distracted by the pain.

Afterwards, Beth finished up with helping Tess change into a clean and, thankfully, loose fitting t-shirt and once again apologizing several times for not having a fresh pair of pants for her to change into, before turning her attentions to Luke.

Tess had made a stronger attempt to protest her taking care of Luke than she had for herself, but was quickly shot down by the younger girl.

"You have help now, just take it."

So as she started cleaning the boy down, Tess took the opportunity to finally check herself out in a mirror, really inspect the damage for herself for the first time.

She probably shouldn't have.

She couldn't even recognize herself. Even with all the blood cleaned off, she was an absolute wreck. Her face was covered in bruising and swelling, especially around her nose and eyes, but also around her mouth where her bottom lip had been busted open. Her left side was considerably worse from where she took the blunt impact to the tree, but the right side didn't fare all the much better. The bruising she found on her neck didn't seem to add up though.

Distinctive markings, like hand prints. She was dumbfounded at that one. Had they choked her? Tried strangling her? She couldn't remember and couldn't decide whether to be grateful for that or not. It did suddenly explain, though, why her throat had felt so rough and sore this morning. There must have been some bruising on her windpipe or something. After finding the rest of her body in a similar state, she decided she had seen enough and went back to Beth and Luke. 

There wasn't the same desire to check out the large gash on her left side.

She made her way back to the room Beth and Luke were in and just had to stare at the sight before her. She couldn't help but be in awe of the girl as she watched her fussing with the clean, but much too big, shirt for Luke, cutting it here and tying it there to secure it in place. She was just so natural with it all, a warm maternal energy that radiated off of her. She chatted on to him happily as she worked, despite the lack of responses. She didn't seem to mind, just enjoyed having something to do for someone else.

She decided to leave them to it, slowly making her way through the house and to the living area. She couldn't help but marvel, but also feel weary of the fact that the house was so clean and obviously taken care of. Even if Daryl hadn't already informed her on the walk here, it went without saying that this place belonged to someone. Up until very recently, at the very least. She wasn't thrilled with the idea that they may be waiting for someone to waltz right in to discover that the four of them had pulled a Goldie Locks, but, surprisingly - for someone who didn't appear to make a habit of going around trusting people much - he appeared fairly confident that things would be fine there, even if the original owners did turn up.

She walked into the room and took a seat on the small sofa. She let out a small sigh, feeling some pressure lift off her body. It probably helped that the pain pills had started kicking in.

Lord how she missed prescription drugs.

She could feel her body dragging under, just begging for some real sleep, and she very much wanted to answer the call, but then her eye caught sight of the small built-in book shelf in the corner of the room by the bay window. Her mind started running instantly and she was up before it could protest with itself.

She needed distractions.

She glanced over the three shelf unit, running her fingertips over the spines. They were mostly medical text books and an encyclopedia set, largely words and phrases she couldn't even pronounce, let alone understand. Except for one on the bottom shelf, a full encyclopedia solely focusing on birds. She grabbed it, flipping through a few pages to find not only were there illustrated pictures, but colored photographs as well.

Nice.

She tucked the book under her arm and scanned the rest of the room looking for, well, anything, really. Not seeing anything that caught her eye she slowly made her way back out into the hall, passing the stairs that led to the second floor and making her way into the small kitchen. Starting with the one closest to her, she began opening drawers, hoping to find the all inclusive junk drawer that all kitchens were famous for having, rifling through the random garbage that was left. It was the second to last one she opened that finally wielded something for her.

"Bingo."

A worn deck of playing cards. Now that she could really work with.

She grabbed the pack of cards, quickly checked the last drawer to find nothing and made her way back to the living room. When she shuffled back she was met with the sight of Daryl sitting at the window and halted slightly when his eyes landed on her. She wasn't sure why, maybe it was just the stern expression that seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face, but she couldn't fight back the feeling of being a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. This wasn't her place or her find, the point could be argued that she had no business digging around. Of course, a bird book and a pack of cards hardly seemed like enough to get possessive and territorial over.

She got her feet moving again after a second, and placed the items on the little coffee table in front of the sofa, easing herself down into a sitting position. She shrugged her shoulders slightly, trying to brush off the weight of his stare. When she looked up again she noticed that, while still stern, his eyes seemed to hold more curiosity than the irritation she was expecting. It allowed her to relax. Slightly.

"For Luke," she suddenly said, surprising them both a little. She cleared her throat lightly when he simply raised an eyebrow in question. "Don't have his bag and things anymore, he's gonna need a little somethin' to keep busy."

He inclined his head a little in understanding. There were a few moments of silence that followed, though not quite as uncomfortable as before.

"He always been mute?"

Tess looked back up from the rip in her jeans she had been messing with, a little caught off guard. She realized, though he had been talking at her and to her quite a bit, this was the first time he seemed to be trying to communicate with her. With the exception of yesterday's interrogation, of course.

"No. Uh, not always, no. Not til...not til after."

He nodded fully this time and she couldn't help but take notice of the seeming understanding that took over that serious face of his.

"S'hard with the kids."

She watched him while he looked down, now taking a turn to fiddle with his own hands. She got stuck on his words and the emotion that crossed his face for a second, trying to pinpoint what it was. Did he have kids? Know kids? Lose kids?

"Yeah. Bad enough bein’ grown through this, can't even imagine bein’ a pup goin' through it."

He shook his head in agreement, then decided to elaborate some. "They also make some of the strongest survivors."

She knew for sure he was thinking of someone specific that time.

Tess' eyebrows raised slightly as she let out a long breath. "Tell me ‘bout it."

She flinched when he suddenly got up, not expecting the movement and felt the urge to jump up herself to avoid him hovering over her but was able to squash the momentary panic. He regarded her - and her reaction - for a second before reaching into one of his back pockets, bringing out her bowie knife. She perked up at the sight of it, always feeling slightly empty without its weight present on her person. There was one last look of consideration on his end before he flipped it in his hand, offering it to her handle first.

"Ya should prob’bly keep hold’a tha’."

She reached out easily, not wanting to appear over eager to have a weapon in her hands, lest he get the wrong idea.

"Thanks."

"Mhm."

It was then that Beth finally emerged from the bathroom, Luke in tow and with a bright smile.

"All done!"

Tess turned to find that Luke was already rushing to her side. She had to smile as he jumped up onto the couch happily. He had apparently very much enjoyed his grooming time with Beth, if the extra bounce in his step was any indication.

"Well, look at you," she said appraisingly. "Don't you clean up well. Have fun, did ya?"

This time, she had to bite back the growing smile and amused laugh that wanted to make a presence at his excited nod and bashful smile he gave Beth.

It would seem Luke had just discovered his first bout of puppy love.

She ruffled his hair before looking back to Beth.

"Thank you."

Beth kept her bright smile but gave her a pointed look regardless.

"I already told you, it's no problem."

"I know, still."

She held her hands up in surrender when Beth put her hands on her hips, looking ready to launch into some form of a lecture.

"Ok, ok, no more appreciation."

The girl simply rolled her eyes.

-x-

The rest of the day went by relatively uneventfully. At Beth's insistence, Tess got as comfortable as she could on the sofa, propped up with a few pillows Beth had brought down from one of the rooms upstairs and a light throw blanket. Things got awkward and slightly uncomfortable again for Tess, with the young girl basically tucking her in for a nap, but it was impossible to not be comforted by the actions. The fact that she was pretty sure she was developing the same crush on Beth that Luke had was the only thing that kept her comments to herself, lest she earn another look about accepting help.

She never really fell asleep fully, drowsy enough from the pain medication that she was able to just sit there relatively peacefully, enjoying the sedative induced resting. She listened as Beth sat on the floor with Luke, reading over the bird book with him, pointing out different pictures and reading different facts.

She didn't know where Daryl had disappeared to during the afternoon, but he showed up again as the sun was going down, announcing it was supper time. Or, more specifically, he said something about it being time for that white trash brunch of his, or something to that effect.

Tess wasn't sure if that was what he really said or if it was just the pills talking to her.

Dinner was a relatively quiet affair, but nicely so. It had been a while since Tess and Luke had been able to eat so freely, she could only imagine it was the same for them. Especially with the gusto Daryl was inhaling the stuff, not even bothering with the utensils Beth had set out for all of them. She noticed Luke was eagerly looking to follow his example, but she made sure to keep him - and herself - on somewhat of a leash, not wanting to risk either of them getting sick from eating too much too fast when their stomachs weren't used to it at the moment.

When they were finished Tess didn't get the chance to offer to help clean up or anything before Beth was shooing her out of the room. It was in that moment that Tess came to realize that she had been wrong before.

Even at her best, she no longer thought she could take Beth in a fight. The girl was a tough little broad, and that was without getting physical.

With Luke in tow, she intended to head back to the living area and maybe start a game of goldfish to help him wind down for the night, but stopped when they passed one of the smaller rooms that was used for services. Catching sight of the piano, she brought them in there instead. She grabbed the box of matches that were sitting on top of the piano, quickly lighting some of the small candles sitting next to them and the candle sticks that were set on a stand in the corner. When she was done, she sat herself down at the bench and patted the spot next to her, inviting Luke to join her and helping him stay steady as he climbed up. She looked down at the keys, trying to think of one of the three and a half songs she had learned on a keyboard when she was a teenager. The theme song from Titanic was the one she had been best at and she tried to recall the sequence, playing the first few notes before losing it.

After the fifth failed attempt she gave up, muttering to Luke that she was too old to remember such things before switching to something a little simpler.

She played the first few notes of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, slowly making it about halfway through before getting stuck for a minute, trying to remember how to finish it off. After a few missteps, she finally managed to finish the tune. She completely butchered it, but she finished.

Looking at Luke and his happy expression, she chuckled, shaking her head slightly.

"You're much too easily impressed."

He just kept smiling, swinging his feet back and forth merrily.

Beth came around the corner then, spotting them at the piano and her face lit up.

"Hey, you play?" she asked with genuine interest, coming to stand next to the bench.

"Not even a little. Just remember a note or two," she looked up from the random keys she was pressing as Luke was copying her. "You?"

Beth gave a small shrug with one shoulder. "A little."

Tess scooted over a little, bringing Luke with her to make room for Beth before gesturing to the keys with a hand. "Have at it."

Beth gave a small smile before taking a seat. She got herself situated before glancing at the sheet music that was set up. She looked it over, studying it before taking a slight breath and placing her hands over the keys and started playing.

Perfectly.

Tess could feel the way she pulled back in her seat slightly, head cocking to the side as she watched slim fingers dance expertly and easily over the ivory. Not a single stutter or mishap to be found.

This was someone who only played a little?

When the song came to an end, Beth ended with a small sigh before meeting Tess' deadpan stare.

"Showoff."

Beth simply smiled innocently, stroking a few random keys before the look started morphing into something a little more nostalgic with an underlying sadness.

"My mom taught me. We used to play together all the time."

Past tense. It only meant one thing.

Tess worried her bottom lip slightly, debating on how, or if she should, proceed.

"Lucky lady. She had a helluva student."

Beth looked up warmly at the comment, giving a small smile of thanks. Tess returned it before shifting to stand and moving herself to one of the chairs that were set up for viewing and perching herself on the seat before looking back at Beth expectantly.

"Well let's hear it Chopin. What else you got?”

The brighter smile returned again as she turned her attention back to the piano. She started to shuffle through the sheet music again before placing it back, deciding to go with something from memory. She started playing with the same grace as she did the first time, only she seemed much more connected with this song. Tess didn't know what it was, not even when Beth started singing along softly it wasn't anything she recognized as ever hearing. She liked it though, whatever it was. Or more, she liked listening to Beth herself. She had a beautiful voice, full of so much more depth than the young girl had any business having. It was soothing. Calming.

She was completely transfixed by the angelic voice, not hearing or sensing the body behind her until there was the distinctive sound of a throat clearing, music halting and three heads whipping around to find Daryl standing in the archway.

"Place is nailed up tigh’. Only way in is through the front door." he relayed to them as he set his crossbow down on the decorative couch in the room. There was an empty casket set up at the head of the room, in front of the three rows of chairs. He looked it over with interest before turning around and easily hopping in, maneuvering around some so he could lay down fully.

"What are you doing?" Beth asked him, curiously.

"This is the comfiest bed I've had in years." he replied, simply.

"Really?"

"I ain't kiddin'."

He definitely wasn't kidding, if his body language was anything to go on. Fully stretched out with one arm resting behind his head, he actually appeared relaxed. Tess couldn't help the furrow of her brows. Sleeping in a casket? Yeah, that was a line she wasn't ready to cross just yet, not while she was alive anyways. It seemed a bit like tempting fate. Judging by the look Beth was giving him, she was pretty firmly on the same page. Hell, if one of these lids so much as fell shut on its own Tess was going to have a heart attack.

"Why don' go on an' play some more. Keep singin'."

"I thought my singin' annoyed you?" she teased.

Again, Tess couldn't help but look Daryl's way again, this time with partially raised brows.

Annoyed? How could anyone find that voice annoying?

"Yeah, well, there ain't no jukebox, so.."

Beth looked like there was maybe something she wanted to say back, but was interrupted by Luke grabbing one of her hands and placing it back on the piano keys with a smile, one she returned before turning back in her seat and resumed where she had left off.

It was some time that they all sat there. No talking, just the gentle playing and soft voice of Beth wafting through the room. And Tess trying to decipher just what that thoughtful look on Daryl's face was.

Chapter Text

Fingers.

To be exact, tiny fingers.

Tiny fingers that undoubtedly belonged to tiny hands.

That was what woke Tess up. It was with just the tiniest of starts, but the undeniable small hands kept her leveled before she could get too jumpy. It took a brief moment to recognize where she was, still in the viewing room. Beth had played for some time after Daryl settled down. Between the soothing stylings of Beth on piano and the weight that was lifted due to being behind closed doors in a safe place, he had, to Tess' minor surprise, allowed himself to drift off for some proper sleep. Luke had only made it a couple minutes longer before he was slumping against Beth's side, leading to Tess setting him up on the couch. When she was satisfied he was properly tucked in and comfortable she turned back to Beth with a bit of a silent question that went unspoken. She had stopped playing when Tess had taken Luke from her side but there seemed to be a understanding between the two that neither one was particularly ready to call it a night like their boys had. They ended up taking residence in the chairs, Beth laid across one row and Tess across the next.

They talked quite a bit that night, much like they would end up doing for the remainder of their stay. Tess found herself shocked at how easy it came. Mostly about before. Things they had done, wanted to do. They talked about their families and Beth had even told her some about the people they had been with before, a large group that all lived and worked together in a prison. Everything was mostly told in basic detailing. Nothing too overly specific, lest the memories become too vivid to handle, but the general conversation felt nice. Good. The girl was easy to talk to, much more so than her counterpart - even if he had softened noticeably since they secured the shelter of the funeral home, he still presented a slightly intimidating presence - and it just felt right, connecting with her. She gathered enough to confidently decide that they weren't a couple, like her original guess had been, but there was still definitely something there. Be it a relationship just waiting to bloom or a very deep, yet ultimately very platonic bond, she couldn't decide on yet. She had every intention of keeping her eyes open for the clues that would help her decide though, that much was certain.

It would help pass the time.

Apparently at some point - though it had never been the intention when they first sat down to lounge there - they both fell asleep. Which led to the current, those tiny hands shaking her shoulder.

She reached up a hand before she opened her eyes, grabbing his tiny fist and squeezing it before turning her head to the side and upwards and opened her eyes slightly. His watery eyes and distressed face, somewhat upside down due to her position, had her waking up more solidly. She rolled to her side and propped herself up on an elbow and let go of his hand in favor of resting it on his shoulder and bringing him a little closer with a concerned expression.

"Hey, hey.." she whispered softly, trying to be mindful of the two sleeping bodies so close by. "What's wrong big guy? Bad dreams?"

There really wasn't any need to ask. There would be no other reason for him to suddenly be awake and upset like this, plus this was hardly a new occurrence for him. And that was before. He hadn't had one recently, but she had no doubt that their recent run in would be plenty of fuel to light up a whole new set of dreamverse terror for him. She absolutely hated it. Hated that he had to go through it and hated that she let them end up in a situation that would cause it.

He nodded along in answer to her question regardless, with the smallest of trembles making his chin wobble and in turn caused her heart to crack a little.

She sighed. "I'm sorry bud. How about a story? Take your mind off it?"

He nodded again, a little more insistent this time as he brought a hand up to rub at his eyes.

Tess pushed herself up more, fighting back the groan as the stiffness of her body hit her. She managed to get up with only a few popping sounds from her protesting back and shoulders. She would definitely regret falling asleep on the chairs come the next day.

She grabbed Luke's hand and quietly brought him out of the room and over to the stairs, sitting down with a bit of a winch that didn't go past him and, judging by the worry now etched in his features as he silently watched her, was adding to his already upset state. He reached up, carefully touching her nose and all the bruising around it. She tried to keep her face neutral as he poked and prodded his way through his little inspection of her injuries, not wanting him to think he was hurting her. Eventually she captured his hand, bringing it up to place a kiss on his knuckles.

"It's ok. I'm ok."

It took a few moments of him staring intently at her, as if trying to decide the validity of her statement before he seemed to relax a little. He pulled his hand back from her hold, bringing it to his mouth to press a kiss to his fingertips before bringing them back to place over her nose, causing a smile to spread across her face and she reached over to pull him onto her lap, tucking his head under her chin and arms resting firmly around him.

"Thank you, that feels much better now."

The poking and prodding was worth it, to see that small, proud smile lighten his face up.

"How about that story now?"

He pulled back so he could look up at her again and nodded.

"Ok, what're ya feelin' in the mood for?"

The answer was instant, he brought his hands up and made the air quotes sign, which for him translated into bunny ears.

"Ohh, Peter Rabbit, huh?" a nod of confirmation from him and one of approval from her. "Good choice."

It was yet another thing she could credit to her grandfather. He had introduced her to The Tale of Peter Rabbit when she was a wee little thing, to the world of Beatrix Potter in general. He was forever reading her one of the fables or another, but Peter Rabbit had always, far and away, been her favorite. A love that she had bestowed onto Luke.

"Ok, let's see... Once upon a time, there were four little rabbits, and their names were Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-Tail and Peter. They lived with their mother in a sand bank, underneath the root of a very big fig tree. 'Now my dears,' said old Mrs. Rabbit one mornin', 'you may go into the fields or down the lane, but don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden, your father had an accident there - he was put in a pie by Mrs. McGregor.'"

Tess continued on easily, the story and the pleasant memories it evoked long having been cemented into her memory bank. She continued even after she felt his body grow heavier and breaths even out about halfway through, always thinking it a shame to stop before little Peter was safely back home in the warm arms of his none too happy but loving mother.

When she was finished with the tale she sat there with him curled up in her arms for a while, wanting to make sure he was truly asleep before moving and risk waking him, but also just feeling content to hold him and provide him that comfort of safety.

After a while she decided it was safe to move him again, taking a second to get a tighter grip on him and bracing one hand against the banister to push herself up. She struggled slightly, but was able to stand without jostling his sleeping form too much, readjusting her hold one more time before quietly walking back into the viewing room. There were stray thoughts coming in about how it was getting a bit more difficult to carry him around now that he was starting to grow a little more, even before her injuries added to the effort. She mused that it wouldn't be all that much longer before she'd be tapping out after only holding him for a few minutes.

She laid him down gently onto the couch, grabbing the little throw blanket and tucking it around him securely before brushing some of the unruly curls off his forehead, leaving a small kiss on his cheek and stepping back. She took a glance around the room, tempted to try to get back to sleep but she was already feeling the restlessness kick in and knew she wouldn't be able to. Not any time soon, at least.

She decided to head into the kitchen. If she was going to be staring at the walls, there was no need to stay in here and feel like a creep watching the others sleep, and she didn't want to risk waking them up by exploring the house. Mind made up, she first went to the living area to grab the deck of cards she found earlier and one of the spare candles, then made her way into the kitchen, grabbing a seat at the table and sat down. She shook her hands out and lit the candle first to have some light and then pulled the cards out of their box, lazily setting up a game of Solitaire. She stared disinterestedly at the cards once they were in place, playing a card or two and then pushing all of them away from her, no longer having any interest in the game.

She brought her hands up to lay flat on the table, bouncing her fingertips lightly on the surface to expel some of the anxiousness that had been creeping in. It was just so, quiet. Not just quiet, but being inside the home it was still and quiet. It wasn't so much that she didn't welcome it, she was just starting to worry that if she sat in it too long it would allow her mind to start thinking about things she had no desire to think of, most certainly not now.

Her eyes popped up to the open archway when she heard just the faintest of squeaks coming from the hallway, waiting for the owner responsible for the noise to show. A few seconds later there was a ghost of a shadow before Daryl turned the corner, eyes landing on her instantly. And, again, she just couldn't for the life of her fight the feeling like she was about to be scolded for something.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Did I wake you?"

He shook his head with one of those slight grunts of his. "Nah. Not really."

Not really? Wasn't that basically a yes then? She wasn't sure if she should stay silent on the fact or not so she settled for a half nod, her fingers resuming their tapping to fight off the sudden return of awkwardness. It was as he took a seat at the opposite end of the table that the index finger on her right hand started bouncing with a little more intent than before, tapping out a familiar tune. She had absentmindedly been sweeping her eyes around the kitchen when they caught sight of Daryl and his fixed gaze on her hand, bringing her tapping to a sudden stop and causing her to clasp her hands in lap.

Daryl found himself in mild concentration. Her tapping seemed far too deliberate to just be mindless fidgeting, but the rhythm didn't conjure up anything familiar to him.

"Sweet City Woman."

"Hmm?"

"The tappin'," she clarified with a small cough. "Sweet City Woman by The Stampeders."

"Don' think I know it." he replied with a slight head tilt.

She made a face to herself. "That's a shame."

There was a momentary lapse of silence, in which time Tess was able to finally bypass the awkward and settle into the more relaxed silence like they had had earlier when he was asking about Luke.

"He ok?" he finally asked, seemingly torn between if he really even wanted to ask and unsure if he should be asking.

"Yeah. Just, bad dreams."

He hesitated once more. "He get 'em a lot?"

She took a big breath and let it out, taking the second to try to gauge his now mostly neutral expression - that came out of nowhere -  wondering once again just what relationship he had had with other children.

"Yeah, this is the first one in a little bit though," her fingers found their way back to the table top to start tapping randomly. "Not much of a surprise, I suppose." she muttered, more to herself.

She turned her attention to the candle in the middle of the table, watching the small flame lick and dance back and forth. She started chewing on the inside of her cheek as the curiosity started growing and getting the better of her. During their talk earlier Beth had told her some about their group, enough to know that none of the kids they had been around at this prison they had called home were his, but he, without question, seemed to hold some sort of soft spot for the younger generation. If the way he seemed to soften some when asking about Luke was any indication, that is. And, despite not wanting to pry into the life of someone she barely knew, she also couldn't help but want to discover more of that side. Now if she could just find a way to broach the subject in a casual way.

"So, your people..."

The sudden tension in his body was the telltale sign that that wasn't the most tactful of ways to start. She let the words hang in the open air, forgetting the question entirely and any courage she had managed to scrape up.

It seemed like minutes passed before she heard his faint sigh.

"Beth thinks they're still alive."

Oh. Well, that took an entirely different turn than what she had intended. She immediately went to apologize, feeling bad for bringing up such a touchy subject, but held her tongue, much more captivated by the change of tone in his voice. Dejected.

"...You don't?"

He didn't answer, simply stared at her for a moment before reaching for the pile of cards she had abandoned before he came in. He straightened them all out, getting them into a stack and then taking his time to shuffle them up before he started dealing them out into two piles, one for him and one for her.

"Ya play poker?"

"I'm lousy at it, but I know how, yeah."

He nodded as he placed the remaining stack in the middle to draw from.

"Good thing fer ya we ain't bettin' then."

-x-

The next morning found a bright eyed and bushy tailed Luke and Beth sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of Go-Fish while Tess was dishing out a little breakfast for all of them.

"Got any...fours?" Beth asked, looking over her cards at the boy.

He shook his head and Beth went to draw from the pile of cards.

"Luke..."

Both he and Beth looked towards Tess to find an amused smirk on her face.

"No cheatin'."

Beth looked at him with surprised eyes as he guiltily handed her the four of hearts he had.

"You little twerp!"

"Smart kid." came Daryl's compliment as he made his way in after checking the area outside the home.

"We're playin' for the can of mixed fruit, don't encourage him!"

Tess handed them each their own plate before taking a seat and digging into her own, enjoying the light banter and, perhaps, a little proud of Luke's attempted slyness.

"Plus, whoever loses also has to be the first seeker in our big game of hide and seek after breakfast. These are big stakes here, Daryl." she informed him in all seriousness.

Daryl just sent a teasing look her way. "Sure, sounds like real fun."

The sudden clang of a fork colliding with a plate had the three of their heads shooting towards Tess, who appeared almost as shocked as they were by her reaction, before a different kind of emotion crossed her face. She kept her head bowed, the hand that had been holding the fork now shaking slightly. They watched, silently, as she took several breaths, a clear sign that she was trying to keep something under control but it didn't seem to be working much.

"Tess...?" Beth tried, reaching out timidly only for Tess to stand abruptly before she could make contact.

"Be right back." she mumbled with a quick pat to Luke's head as she walked out of the kitchen.

She got to the hallway and quickly made her way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and bracing herself against the sink as the all too familiar flutter started in the center of her chest, causing the lightheaded feeling to kick in right after. She sunk herself to the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest as she willed the feeling to subside, digging the palms of her hands into her eyes to fight off the tears that were forming fast.

Real fun.

Fun.

She couldn't believe one, simple little word could have such a deep and swift trigger reaction. The second it left Daryl's mouth she was instantly back there, grabby hands and horrid promises and all. She felt sick, and she felt itchy. It felt physical, the way it pulled her body in on itself a little more. She was just starting to get her breathing back on track when there was a timid knock on the door, Beth's gentle voice ringing out after.

"Tess? Can I come in?"

She nodded, then remembered Beth couldn't see her.

"Ye..yeah."

Beth entered slowly, very much thinking she would spook her if she didn't. She made sure to close the door behind her, then lowered herself to sit on her knees in front of Tess.

"Are you alright?"

Tess release a shuddering breath at the question, taking a moment to try to reign in the thoughts running at a high rate of speed in her mind.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's just...I guess I just hadn't really had or taken a moment to think about all of..." she gestured to her face. "All of this, and now that I did..."

Beth took in the way her bottom lip had started to tremble and the way her voice had cracked just so at the end and scooted herself closer to her so that she could place a hand on her knee.

"Hey, you're safe now. You and Luke both. You're here, and you're ok. That's all that matters."

And there it was again, that maternal comfort that a girl that young had no right possessing, all aimed at Tess and she couldn't deny the almost instant comfort it brought. Tess nodded, sniffing and wiping at her eyes to keep any random tears from falling. Beth hesitated only a moment before bringing her arms around her, Tess hesitating just a beat longer before grabbing onto one of Beth's arms as a way to return the embrace.

-x-

The next day and a half had gone by mostly uneventful. When Tess and Beth had made their way back to breakfast that morning there was a silent agreement to just act as if it never happened, and they mostly did. Except for Daryl. He seemed very much aware of the fact that it was his words that caused her little moment, and he started to distance himself. Didn't attempt to make any small talk, made himself scarce of her presence the majority of the day, just mainly stayed clear.

She still felt it though, at random moments. Felt his eyes following her movements. Tracking. It hit her that night as she was laying awake and staring at the ceiling that that was what it was that tended to make her feel on the spot when he would first show up around her. It wasn't just the hard demeanor or intimidating quiet presence, it was the feeling of a hunter tracking its game. Not in a way that made her feel threatened at all, just the feeling like she couldn't really hide anything from him. Like he could read her much too easily.

By their third night there were talks of moving on. But that morphed into staying, and attempting to group up if and when the original residents showed up. Tess still wasn't even really sure when the four of them had become an official group, but couldn't deny how grateful she was feeling. As hard of a time as she had connecting with and being ok around new people, with Daryl and Beth pulling the weight she couldn't this was the most security and food she had been able to provide to Luke for weeks. She didn't know how she would ever be able to properly thank either of them, but she did wish she could actually contribute in a meaningful way.

Still, Daryl's sudden turnabout about finding new people to settle up with was a curious one, and one Beth was not about to let go of.

That was when things got awkward.

She was trying to get him to admit to what changed his mind when he started becoming what Tess could only describe as bashful. Which had to be the most surreal juxtaposition she had ever physically seen in a person before. Mister rough and gruff was suddenly shy? That was a wild thought. But then Beth kept pushing, and it started to feel more and more like her and Luke's presence had been momentarily forgotten, and by the time he finally, ever so quietly, admitted it was her that had changed his mind, Tess felt like slinking her and Luke out of the room as stealthily as she could. She definitely was not meant to be present for that moment. The air got slightly heavy and tense when they both appeared to realize the same thing.

She had to wonder if perhaps she had read their relationship wrong after all.

"So, Tess," Beth's change in direction was so sudden she froze slightly as the young girl quickly switched the focus to her. "Is that your real name, or is that short for somethin'?"

Tess drew her brows together and made a sound of discontent around the mouthful of food she was trying to chew.

Beth's whole face lit up. "I knew it! It is short for something else!"

Tess smiled lightly at the girl's proud reaction, like she had just won some kind of important bet. But her lack of response afterwards had Beth's youthful, cheerful face dropping into a slight pout.

"Oh come onnn!" she all but whined. "You can't just tease us and then leave us hangin'. You gotta tell us what it is now. Right Daryl?! Tell her she has to tell us!" she looked to him to back her up.

Tess looked at him as well, thinking he was going to back her up. He wasn't exactly the playful, teasing type. Clearly he wasn't going to -

"Well, go on then." he said with a slight incline of his head, singling he was handing the floor back to her.

Wait, what?

She was mildly stunned and she couldn't help but just stare at him a second, before moving back to Beth who had the most smug and most  arrogant little smile of triumph on her face. Hell, even Luke was looking at her expectantly.

The little shit.

She would have ignored it, was very much tempted to, but she was still feeling bad over the fact she had had Daryl walking on eggshells around her since breakfast the day before, and this was the closest he had been to the rapport they had been developing before that. It seemed the least she could do to humor them.

She sighed a little dramatically before pulling a face. "Mmm...Tessie."

Silence.

Beth, bless her heart, did have the decency to try. "Tessie!" she exclaimed with far too enthusiasm. "That's...it's..." she struggled.

Tess put her out of her misery. "I know. Sounds like a cow," when Beth attempted to shake her head no Tess cut her off. "Which, especially since I was on the plumper side, is why the kids at school took it upon themselves to dub me Tessie Bessie."

Beth's hand flew up to hide the half gasp, half laugh that came flooding out of her mouth. "They didn't?!"

"Ohhh they did."

"Kids are assholes," was Daryl's simple response, something she couldn't help but nod along with. "Sorry, little man. " that part was directed to Luke, whom Tess looked over to find glaring at the both of them. She only got a few seconds to chuckle at the look on his face when life chose that exact moment to bring in a shit storm.

The dog that had been visiting off and on all day was back and Daryl decided he was trying one last time to give him some food. Except it wasn't a dog. It was a group of walkers who forced their way in the second the door was opened. Everything was a whirlwind after that. After getting his crossbow to him Daryl was yelling for them to grab their stuff and get out and to the road while he lured the walkers further into the home. Tess told Beth to grab Luke and get the window open while she made a mad dash to get as much of their stuff as she could, to little effect. The second she got the first bag she was face to face with the dead. Not all of them had followed after Daryl.

Tess jumped back, barely getting a grip on the bag strap and turned to toss it to Beth - who just barely caught it - before turning back to grab a small kitchen knife off the table before briskly jamming it into the closest walker's head, hearing the all too familiar squelch and feeling the rotten blood splatter across her face before it dropped instantly just as Beth got the window open.

"Go!" Tess yelled at her.

Beth protested leaving both her and Daryl alone in the house, causing Tess to let out a small growl of frustration at the girl's defiance before sinking the knife into a second walker. As soon as it dropped she threw an as forceful as she could kick to the midsection of the third walker to knock it back a few feet before swiftly turning on Beth and forcefully pushing her onto the counter under the window to climb out.

"Go!" it was practically a threat this time but she had to get the girl moving. "Take Luke and head to the road. I'll be right behind you, I promise," she stressed that bit as best she could, making sure especially to give Luke a pointed look before turning back to Beth. "We both will. Now go!"

Beth crawled out and quickly reached back for Luke as Tess held him up for her. Just as Beth grabbed onto him, something grabbed onto Tess' shoulder, causing her to spin around quickly and bring her forearm up just in time to avoid the snapping jaws at her face. She lost her footing in the struggle and went crashing down on her back, the walker following closely after. She was back to the same position, blocking the attempted bites with her forearm but this walker was heavy and she was losing steam quickly. More than anything her side was screaming from the rough pulling and tugging, causing her entire left arm to practically go dead. She was just able to switch out her left forearm for her stronger right and used her now free hand to feel around wildly for the lost kitchen knife, or anything else she could use but found nothing. Her right arm started shaking and she knew she couldn't hold it off much longer.

It's face was drawing closer and she leaned her head back as much as she could to get away from the teeth trying to sink into her. She had manged to straighten her arm out enough to get her hand wrapped around it's throat in a better attempt to hold its head back, but that leverage too began slipping when her hand started piercing and tearing through the decaying flesh and muscle.

The snarling thing was just about to chomp into her when the arrow came flying through it's forehead.

She didn't even have the time to be shocked because an instant later Daryl was pulling the thing off of her and yanking her to her feet before pulling her along in a run out the front door that was now clear.

"Why ain't ya with 'em?" he asked her as they made it outside.

"I.." she tripped slightly, still in his grasp and struggling to keep up with his longer strides. "Got held up. Told her we'd meet at the road."

He went to say something she would never get to hear when a walker stepped out in front of them. He stopped them both and paused for a moment before throwing a violent blow with his crossbow, effectively ending the threat. They kept going and made it to the road, having just enough time to spot the one dropped bag she had thrown to Beth and Luke's yellow handkerchief lying there before hearing the squealing tires, both of them looking up to see the dark vehicle speed off down the road.

They both yelled out and started moving at the same time.

There wasn't even time to think, just to run. Keep running. Just keep track of the car.

It wasn't long before the car was out of sight, so she switched her mantra to just keep track of Daryl, since he was currently ahead of her. But that quickly became just as hard. At her best she knew she'd never be able to keep up with him, let alone at such a decline. But she kept moving. Long after he too was no longer in her sights, she kept moving. Slow, pitiful, but moving nonetheless.

She didn't know how long she had been chasing after them both, wasn't sure how much time separated her from Daryl when she finally caught up to him again in the early morning hours.

He was laying on the ground in the middle of the road by the train tracks, flat on his back and arms out at his sides. He could have easily passed for dead if it wasn't for the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

She shuffled over to him in a bit of a trance, coming to a halt at his feet as she stared down the empty road.

No car. No nothing. Just empty road stretching on for miles.

She felt her heart shattering at the understanding.

They were gone.

Chapter Text

It was getting harder.

It was getting so much harder.

The isolation and loneliness. The quiet. The endless amount of time to spend in your own head with no distractions, taking your own inventory and coming face to face with all of it. The sadness. The fear. Anger. Resentment. Guilt. Regret. Every single last decision you wished you could do differently. All of the things you wish you would have said and the few you wish you hadn't. It was always there. Ever present. And it was absolutely crippling.

She had always been a shy and introverted kid, needing someone to come up to her first and start the conversation. Then, as a teenager, she had to start dealing with anxiety and minor panic attacks from time to time. One of the only traits she had actually received from her mother. It was simple at first, stressing out too much over school, what she wanted to do with her life, the usual for most kids her age. The doctor had told her she simply worried too much and just needed an outlet to put that extra energy into. Which helped, a little, for a time. That was when music had really become such a strong staple in her life. She was able to put on an album and be able to drift away to a more mellow mind space. It seemed though that the older she got the stronger it became. It developed into social anxiety as well and it became such a struggle to get out of the house some days, knowing all she'd be able to do is think about all the negative things people were saying and thinking about her. It was right after her thirtieth birthday that things really fell apart. She couldn't sleep one night and, suddenly, the only things she could think of were all of the things she had wanted to do in life and all the things, she suddenly realized, she might never get the chance to do. It triggered an onslaught of depression that took her nearly six months to get out of and a lot of post work to try to keep the darkness at bay. But she had medication then to help, had ever since it very first started progressing so strongly in her early twenties. Heaven forbid her mother not have her daughter in treatment and medicated before the neighbors could start whispering. Even if she was already an adult by then and should have been considered her own person, Ronda Foster had always been much more concerned with image and the opinions of others.

But that was another lifetime. Now she had to work through it all completely on her own. And this was also a lot different than anything she had ever had to deal with before.

She had no intentions of leaving her shelter today. There had been an increase of activity in the area recently, both from the living and the dead, and she really wanted to bunker down for one more day before moving on. It just felt like something was going to happen today and she didn't want to risk safety if it wasn't absolutely necessary, but she also couldn't take it anymore.

She had to get out. Had to get out of that place and just do something, anything. Just some sort of distraction to keep her from doing what it was she was really itching to do.

She stayed close to the treeline as best she could, just in case she had to make a quick escape into the woods. Her hands were shaking. Her stomach was rolling so much it was making her nauseous. She had tried humming a song to herself to quiet the noise in her head but was almost instantly joined by the dead as soon as she started. She would have killed for some sort of music player and headphones.

She ended up in a small town. More specifically, she ended up in front of a medium sized drug store. There was no reason to go inside. She knew anything worth taking would have already been gone long ago. But still, she did need something to do.

She had her bowie knife firmly in hand - the best material gift she had ever gotten from her grandfather - and made sure any other weapon she might need was in easy reach. After peering in the best she could through the filth cover glass, she gave a few knocks to the surface, waiting a few moments before heading in when nothing showed up. She listened to the little bell above the door jingle as she walked in and waited once again, listening for any indication that she wasn't alone. When she was satisfied she slowly started making her way around. Just as she assumed, there was next to nothing left. She managed to locate a pack of strawberry gum that she had already taken several pieces from, a few odds and ends she thought she might be able to repurpose later on, a random pack of rice cakes she found hidden under a shelf that even she had trouble justifying taking (but food was food) and a pair of red plastic heart shaped sunglasses she plucked off a broken display stand because... just because. She had been wearing them since she picked them up.

The afternoon was getting late. She knew if she didn't start heading back now she'd most likely get stuck traveling in the dark, which she had no desire to do. So, she got her bag together and stored the few things she snatched and made her way back to the front of the store. She was just about to leave when she heard movement. That distinct scratching sound with accompanying snarls and moans.

She could have left. Probably should have left. There was nothing preventing her from leaving, no need to go looking for a fight. But...

Waste not, want not, her grandfather would always say.

And besides, she could still use a little something to do.

So, quietly, she set her bag back down and, ever so carefully, she tracked the sound to the back of the store, the very end of aisle 9, where she found a door. She listened to try and judge how close the thing might have been to the door and when she was certain she'd have room to open the door and swing if need be, she slowly opened it with her knife raised and ready.

The door opened to reveal a storage room lined with metal shelves that had long been ransacked. The dead one didn't even notice her. It was too busy trying to get into the second door on the other side of the small room. She wasted no time in disposing of the reanimated corpse, not even bothering to remove her sunglasses. This stuff was like muscle memory now anyways.

A woman, late thirties maybe. She was recently turned. Very recently. A bite mark to her neck.

She looked down at the dead woman for a few more moments, feeling something stir within her that she couldn't identify as anything other than the sudden and overwhelming urge to just cry.

So she did.

She slid down the wall, ended up curled on the floor next to the poor woman she had just put down for good. It was some sort of existential, philosophic crisis, she would later self diagnose herself with. The roaring flood of thoughts and words were consuming her.

Did the dead keep any of themselves after they died? Was she just putting down mindless corpses when she took them out or was she actually snuffing someone's flame? Their last dying embers?

She had had a dream recently, one of those nightmares she couldn't wake up from, where she had been walking around with someone, just the two of them and being followed by the feeling and need to keep moving. After a while she realized the person she was with was in fact her, dead. Reanimated and ever moving, trying to feed the hunger that never ceased. And it was her living self trying to keep her dead self from moving, to keep her as still as possible to distract her from the hunger, to try to lull her into some sort of sleep state. It never worked. Every time she thought she finally had it done, the smallest movement or sound would revitalize her dead self, and the two would have to set off again.

The terror had been bone chilling and paralyzing, and stuck with her like a second skin long after she had woken up the next morning.

She lay there for some time, contemplating if it was even worth it to get up but shut the idea down the second she started hearing her grandfather's disapproving humming in her ear.

She rose slowing, as if afraid to startle the atmosphere lest she get sucked into another self imposed black hole. She sat on her knees, taking in a deep breath before letting it out as slowly as she could before repeating the action a few more times in a vain attempt to recenter herself enough to be able to make the trip back to her cave. When she felt like she was as steady as she was going to get she braced a hand on the wall to push herself to a standing position. It was when she bent back down to grab her knife that she finally saw the sign taped to the door.

A single white sheet of paper. One line written in crooked, feminine writing and several dry wet spots littered around the words themselves.

Save Him From Me. Please.

It clicked so fast she didn't know how she couldn't have possibly registered it all before. There was no other noise coming from anywhere in this building, and the dead only try to get to one thing. The constant hunger.

She almost had the door opened before she could process it but was able to catch herself before she did. There could be anything on the other side. Was she prepared for that?

Her head lowered slightly and her eyes drifted over to the dead woman on the floor. Her open and vacant eyes were staring at her, unmoving, her mouth somewhat parted in a expression that she was only able to interpret as one thing: Pleading.

In one swift movement she raised her right arm that held her knife tightly and flung the door open with the other, stumbling back and dropping her knife with an obnoxiously loud clatter on the floor as soon as she did. The heart shaped sunglasses went flying across the room when she reached up to simultaneously fling them off to give her eyes better access and also cover her mouth.

Brown eyes.

Big and warm and almost familiar, but not.

It was surreal. This is exactly the story she had conjured up in her mind not seconds ago, and yet to actually see it stole her breath away.

This little boy, no older than five, sitting there in a dinky little bathroom space, covered in blankets and clutching a small red backpack and listening to what looked like an old walkman player. She could barely see anything other than streaky shadows dancing around the room, courtesy of the small window in the storage room area, but it was all she needed to see the tear tracks down his face.

She let out just a whisper of air. "Hi." It was so soft she wasn't entirely sure she even said it at all. Her eyes widened slightly as the weight of the moment started getting sharper. She took a minor step forward before repeating herself again, softly, but loud enough that he could hear it before understanding he wasn't going to hear anything with his earphones still on.

She bent down slowly as if approaching a scared and injured animal, then gently reached out to pull his headphones down, hearing the words of Louis Armstrong's It's a Wonderful World drifting out from them.

She couldn't help the way she started to brush his dark curly hair away from his face. It was partly to check him over, make sure he wasn't injured or bitten or scratched anywhere. But it was also partly...something else.

"Hi there. A..ar.." she took a moment to clear her throat when it started to feel tight. "Are you alright? Are, are you hurt?" she looked him over again when he didn't answer, and watched him finally shake his head no after a few beats.

She nodded to herself. "Ok...ok, that's good." she locked eyes with him and was able to clearly see the despair seeping in. He was young, but he knew. And of all the things she had seen and been a part of since the world went to hell, this was the worst. This was the most heartbreaking.

She suddenly reached out, calmly as she could in an attempt to not frighten him further, and gently wrapped an arm around his small shoulders and pulled him into her, resting her hand against the back of his head to hold him more securely. He moved with her very willingly, she would realize some time later.

"It's ok sweetheart," she didn't even know she had started rocking the both of them back and forth. " I got ya."

Chapter Text

She stood there silently for several minutes, just trying to catch her breath.

Why did it always seem like she couldn't breathe?

It was the feeling of her stomach dropping that slowly brought her to her knees, like an invisible force anchoring her to the ground. She braced her hands on the road below her to keep herself upright.

How the hell did this happen?

Was it her? Was this her fault? For making Beth leave on her own with Luke when she clearly didn't want to? Had she caused this by not being there to protect them?

The fear and panic came crashing in all at once.

Daryl noticed. He had the memory of that exact same haunted, shame filled look of guilt and failure of Carol's burned into his brain from Sophia. The nights of her crying and weeping in her sleep, he was seeing all of that materialize right in front of him all over again.

He hated the feeling.

Helplessness.

But he had to stop her. Her breathing was getting too erratic and the last thing he needed right now was her becoming a heaping pile of hysteria. They could find time for that later, but not now.

He pushed himself up on his elbows. "Hey."

She didn't answer. Wouldn't even look his way.

He sat up fully now, starting to feel itchy and nervous in his discomfort over her breakdown.

"Hey, yo.." he huffed out a breath. "Ya gotta try'n calm down."

Too late. She was hyperventilating now and her body was shaking uncontrollably.

Fuck.

Couldn't these women ever see that crying chicks weren't his thing? Or consoling? He couldn't talk people down like Rick, sure as shit couldn't comfort them like Glenn. So why the hell did they always end up with him?

Dammit, he thought, as he got up and then crouched down right in front of her, trying to catch her eye and get her to just focus on something else.

"Look, jus' try'n breathe for a sec," he said with as much patience as he could muster up. Which, admittedly, wasn't much. Not that it would have done much of anything, anyway. He could tell she was so far gone now she wasn't even present with him anymore. And if she started getting any louder who knew what kind of company it could draw. He tried to reach out and place a hand on her shoulder but she just kept swatting it away. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that it wasn't right, the anger that was boiling up just under his skin over her non compliance. But added to the ever growing shit list of things that had gone wrong for him over the past few weeks - or however long it had been now - and he was having a hard time finding and securing his empathy. By the third, particularly sharp slap to his hand he'd had his fill. "Dammit, tha's enoug.."

That was when he made his mistake.

In his haste he had latched onto her upper arm, none too gently, and she reacted instantly.

He had just barely caught sight of her left hand coming up and her lunging before, next thing he knew, he was once again flat on his back and she was crouched over him with her bowie knife digging into his throat.

It was easily the quickest he had ever seen her move, would never have guessed she even could move that swiftly, injured or not. She just didn't seem the type. Fortunately, his surprise at the unexpected attack was enough to squelch his own knee jerk reaction to fight back.

He watched for just the briefest of moments as her normally chocolate eyes seemed to turn almost onyx with the fire blazing behind them, but it extinguished just as quickly as it had appeared as the clarity returned and they then suddenly widened.

In a flash that was just as quick, she had thrown the knife and made to both jump up and scoot back all at once, causing her to stumble over her feet before falling back to her butt by his own feet a second later.

Daryl rose up again, slowly, tentatively, while also holding his hands out in front of him to show he meant no harm. She was staring at him, finally, but it wasn't all that much better then when she had been falling apart, he found. Now she just looked wrecked, horrified by her own actions.

But he knew, without having to ask questions or speak a word, that that wasn't meant for him. She hadn't reacted to being touched because she had no problem when he had grabbed her shoulder or tried to grab at her hands. She might as well have been swatting at flies with how unaware she had been of him and everything around her. It was only when he specifically grabbed her upper arm that she acted, and she had attacked with a particular type of reflex. One that stemmed from muscle memory. Reflexes like that weren't learned, they were ingrained into your dna, stitched into your very make up.

The kind of hairpin trigger reflex that only came from personal experience.

It was what made him soften...slightly.

He went to shake his head, give her some sort of indication that it was ok, but she shot up once again and was walking off and disappearing into the lush trees before he could get anything across to her. He thought momentarily about calling out to her, maybe even following, but it was clear she needed some space, and this time he couldn't find a good enough reason to try to stop her.

So he sat there, alone, allowing himself once again to drown in his own self pity and guilt.

     -x-

The worst part for Tess was the feeling that this panic attack would never end. How on earth would she ever be able to track Luke down if she couldn't pull herself together enough before she ended up dead from self induced suffocation? And Daryl. How was she supposed to face him again now that she had attacked him? She hadn't meant to, had no desire or want to, and yet the very second his hand had made contact with her arm it was like a shrill ringing in her ears and suddenly she was back in that god forsaken clearing with those two men. Grabbing her. Holding her. Touching her. Taunting her.

It had all seemed so real and right there in front of her again and all she could feel was the primal urge to survive that had marked that day. It was only when she looked down and saw surprised, slightly concerned blue eyes staring back at her that she understood where she was.

She felt the hot tears streaming now as her chest started tightening even more. It just wasn't ending. Why did it have to feel like it would never end?

Just 10 more seconds little bird, that's all.

She paused for a second at the always comforting voice before closing her eyes as tightly as she could, taking in as deep a breath as her gasping lungs would allow, and held it for a few seconds before letting it out as slowly as she could. With her breathing still being so off it came out more like a gush of air, like breaking through the water's surface after being under too long, but she then repeated the process to slightly better results.

She continued this for a time, a few seconds in and then out, over and over.

After several minutes her breathing started to even out and the lightheaded feeling started to subside. After about fifteen minutes she felt like she could actually function. She waited a few more after that, just to be sure she was steady, and pushed herself up from the tree she had fallen against and started to make her way back to the road.

She was just about to step out from the trees when she heard all the extra voices. She halted herself wearily and squinted through the thick foliage to see what was going on.

It was Daryl, but he was hardly alone anymore. He now had company. Or was surrounded by company, more like. There were six other men with him, encircling him like a group of vultures claiming dinner. They all had their weapons drawn, Daryl included, but the older, grey haired man that was doing all the talking appeared to be trying to reason with him in some way. Must have been the leader of the group.

Tess felt something stir within her then. She had never seen these guys before, and yet there was something there, something oddly familiar. It was almost like a memory she couldn't place, or a name she couldn't match to a face but knew regardless. It sent a chill down her spine.

She watched as Daryl stayed perfectly still, face completely unreadable and body taut with tension. And then, suddenly, he lowered his crossbow and she watched as the rest of the group followed suit. He made a subtle show of looking at the group around him, giving the impression he was just checking them out fully for the first time, but Tess was momentarily able to catch his eye and see the barely there head shake he gave her.

She still hardly knew him, hadn't spent the hours talking to him like she had Beth, but she had still had the time to watch him in the days leading up to this. It was impossible not to see he was practically built for this new world. He had the smarts, the edge, the skills. He knew what he was doing and she trusted his judgement. So for him to be wary of them enough to want to keep her presence hidden, it had her taking a step back farther into the trees.

She watched as they gathered their stuff back up and continued along the train tracks, Daryl, with one last glance towards her hiding spot, trailing behind with barely contained reluctance. She didn't miss the subtle flick of his wrist either as he tossed something into the overgrown grass and weeds without his new buddies seeing.

It wasn't long until they were out of sight completely. She stayed in her spot though, hidden from the world for almost an hour after they had gone, wanting to be absolutely certain the area was cleared before she reemerged. Walking over to the area where she had seen him toss something, she dug around and after a few short minutes she located the object. It was her bowie knife, a vain attempt to not leave her without any sort of protection at all, she figured. She released a small breath of relief. At least it was something. She'd have to remember to thank him later for that, she didn't like the idea of having to...

Oh.

Oh.

It hit her then. Why had she just assumed she would be seeing him later? He had just gone off with god knows who to god knows where.

She slowly spun around in a small circle, looking out over the roads of the small crossroads she was standing at to see nothing but clear horizons.

No Beth.

No Luke.

And now no Daryl.

She was alone. Again.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Her grandfather's voice was right, as always. She couldn't do this now, couldn't afford to let herself have yet another meltdown. Think about something, anything else but don't feed the beast.

Safety. Shelter. Get out of the open.

She briskly walked back to the covering of the woods, wanting to at least be somewhere where she could attempt to take cover if need be. She needed to find a place where she could start thinking about where and how she was even going to attempt to track down the three people who had become her own group. Perhaps if she...

No. Not now.

She shut the thought off quickly, and started humming a song softly to herself for a distraction. She went with the first thing she could think of, Sam Cooke's Bring It On Home To Me. Decidedly, it probably wasn't the best choice for distraction purposes. But it helped, and luckily there didn't appear to be any walkers around to be drawn out by the soft sound.

She made it four songs through her solo concert when she broke through another tree line lining the small incline that cradled the train tracks on each side. She was trying to ease her way down to avoid tripping and suddenly caught sight of the three people standing a few yards up, the same exact time they caught sight of her.

Everyone froze at once.

Tess' mind was telling her to book it, just to be safe, but her body was having trouble keeping up, too startled by running into yet another group.

Where the hell were all these people suddenly coming from anyways?

"Hey there," said the black man. He stepped away slightly from the two women he was with, both of whom were considerably more on edge than he was. He had much more of an ease about him. "Those are some nasty looking injuries you got there, are you alright?" he was looking her over with concern.

Her defenses kicked in immediately.

"What makes you think I'm alone?" was her counter. It came out harsh, more so than she would have ever intended, but she couldn't risk them knowing she was injured and by herself and give them ample advantage.

The two women tensed more and the man looked around him with slight apprehension.

"...Are you?"

She watched the three of them silently. She didn't want to do this. Didn't have the desire or time to send out feelers and determine if these people could be trusted or needed to be avoided. She was just so tired. Physically, mentally, all of it. She was exhausted and she was just so sick of having to judge and test everyone you came across.

You gotta give a little to get a little.

She let out a big breath with an equally big sigh and let the defeat set in. "Yeah," she let her right hand drop to replace her knife back in its holder around her leg. "Yeah, I'm alone."

Somehow, it hurt even more to say and hear it out loud.

The man looked back to the two women before coming back to Tess, seeing the lost look she wore. "Which way you headed?"

"I.." she paused a second to look at the surrounding area, "I don't know. I'm lookin' for someone. For some friends and...and..." she never finished the sentence but they all watched as her face fell just that little bit more.

She missed the shared look amongst them, the understanding.

"Well, then, looks like we're in luck," she looked up again to find him smiling warmly at her and the two women no longer seemed to be as much on edge. "We're looking for our people too. Maybe we can join forces, improve our chances?"

It was too tempting. She couldn't even lie to herself and pretend she didn't want to or had reservations. Despite everything recently, and even the stuff before, she desperately did not want to be alone again. Not now, not in all of this. And the man's soft, comforting smile damn near made her want to cry. She took a small sniff to try to reign the tears in before they started.

"Yeah?"

His smile got bigger. "Yeah. We found signs, directions to a place called Terminus, supposed to be a safe haven for all. That's where we're headed, hoping to maybe run into some of our own there. Maybe yours too."

Terminus. She didn't know it. Had never seen any signs for such a place but on paper it sounded like a smart plan. If there was a safe place, a community around that was taking in people and giving out directions on how to get there, it seemed logical that other people would go there hoping to reconnect with people they had been separated from. Not to mention, Beth and Luke had been taken by someone in a car and it stood to reason that a working, functioning community would have such a resource. Maybe they had been brought there. Maybe the group Daryl had begrudgingly followed were headed that way as well. Maybe she would walk through the place and be reunited with all of them instantly.

She knew, realistically, it could be a long shot at best. But the hope it inspired was too loud to ignore.

"Ok."

He gave a small nod. "Well, ok then," he walked over closer to her, the two women close on his heels. "It'll be nice to have you along. I'm Bob."

She returned the offered handshake he extended. "Tess."

"It's great to meet you Tess. This is -" he went to introduce the black woman that was now at his side but was abruptly cut off.

"Sasha." she was stern, but after a second and a brief once over, put a hand out for Tess to shake, which she also accepted with a nod.

"And I'm Maggie." said the brunette woman, also offering a small handshake.

It was the breath of a tickle in her mind that occurred when Tess went to file the names away. It caused the smallest of frowns to form before shock overtook her features.

"Wait, Maggie?!"

It was clear that the name recognition surprised them all, and she watched as the doubt slowing started creeping in.

Maggie was tense again. "...Yeah."

"Maggie...Greene?"

That definitely got attention.

"How did you know that?"

"I," Tess couldn't help the bubble of laughter that popped out of her. A small smile had formed despite the look of disbelief she wore. "Beth."

Chapter Text

It was getting hard to tell if she was cursed, these people were cursed, or if it was a shared talent.

The knowledge of Beth and Daryl went a long way. With Bob's lead, they had decided on going with trust quickly, but being able to tell them something meaningful about some of their own had them treating her like she had been with them all along, much like Beth and, to some extent, Daryl had. She told them, in as much detail as she could recount, how they had found her in a very bad way and had helped her, taken her and Luke in with them. They didn't seem at all surprised and Maggie's face lit up with pure pride as she told them about the way Beth had tended to all her injuries and had had a heavy hand in nursing her back to health those couple of days at the funeral home, plus taking to Luke like a true mother hen.

Then she had to get into the harder stuff, the answers that wouldn't be bringing as much comfort. It was a little overwhelming, but Tess did her best to keep up with Maggie's rapid fire questions about her sister and her whereabouts. She hated having to break the news that she didn't actually know where she was, that she had been taken and she and Daryl had lost track of the car before being separated themselves.

The disappointment dampened the air instantly, but not quite as strongly as the hope and certainty in Maggie's eyes that if her sister was last seen alive, they would most definitely find her. It was only a matter of when and where. Tess usually wasn't one to get her hopes up, much preferring to be pleasantly surprised by things instead of hoping for them and being let down. But, it was undeniable that Maggie's confidence was infectious nonetheless.

She told them everything she could about the group Daryl had been forced to follow too. There was obvious worry, but there didn't seem to be as much concern, it seemingly being understood and agreed upon amongst the three of them that he was more than capable of taking care of himself. They were also certain, since he too was now traveling the tracks, that he would finally see the Terminus signs and eventually make his way there to look for his people.

She also told them about Luke, watching as the pity and sympathy entered their eyes. It was then when Maggie had really started getting serious about her belief they would find Beth, and therefore Luke as well.

Tess wanted to believe it so very badly.

She had thought once she explained to them how she knew two people from their group they would immediately start back on track, heading to this Terminus place.

She was wrong.

Once the information was exchanged they were all, Bob especially, suddenly concerned with her physical condition. They insisted she sit down and rest for a few moments, Bob taking the time to look over her injuries himself. She learned that he was a medic in the army, before. He had been impressed with Beth's handiwork, particularly with the stitches to the gash on her side, which she finally allowed him to examine after some gentle coaxing. They had pulled some, between the struggle with the walker and the running, but they were still in tack. The only thing that was giving him a little trouble was the fact that she was still showing signs of having sustained a serious concussion, something she remembered Beth had gotten worked up over their first night at the funeral home. She had been singing at the piano when she stopped out of the blue, wide eyed stare directed at Daryl as she launched into a tirade about Tess' condition.

"Oh my god, of course she has a concussion! How could I have not thought of that?! Jesus Daryl we let her sleep all that time! How could we be so stupid..."

For his part, he hadn't seemed to think it was nearly as serious.

"Wha'? She still alive, ain't she?"

After the medical inspection they had her drink some water before Maggie tried to bestow a fresher pair of jeans on her, noticing how ripped up her own had become. The thought was nice, but even with the apocalypse diet Tess still had several inches, and roughly twenty-five to thirty pounds on her and she knew without even trying that anything that fit Maggie wouldn't so much as go past her thighs.

But she kept insisting and Tess couldn't bring herself to refuse the kindness anymore, so she went off behind some bushes, made a show of trying to get them on.

She had been right though. They hit mid thigh and simply wouldn't budge any farther.

It was sweet of Maggie to offer the apologetic smile afterwards, as if she had done something wrong by her.

Bob ended up giving her a spare pair of cargo pants he had. They were still a little snug in the waist, but were nice and loose on her legs, the more relaxed fit a welcomed change compared to the ratty denim that had been clinging to her like a second skin for far too long. He also gave her a long sleeved button up that, although she already felt like a dog for accepting the items, was a bonus touch. Even with being born and raised in the state of Georgia, it still never ceased to amaze her how quickly the weather could change from sweltering heat to a biting chill.

She had to insist she was fine to go once Sasha started to lose the fight against her impatience. It was time to get moving.

She learned more things about them and the people they were looking for as they walked.

First there was Glenn. Maggie's husband, she remembered from her talks with Beth. He had gotten away from the prison, they thought, on a bus. Though when they found the bus he was nowhere to be found and thus Maggie had been leaving him signs, leading him to Terminus and back to her.

Then there was Tyreese, Sasha's older brother. They didn't have much information on him. They didn't even know if he had made it out of the prison. Bob and Maggie, like with most things, it appeared, were optimistic about the possibilities, but a look at Sasha's over all demeanor told her she was much more like Tess, a pessimist until proven wrong.

There was the rest of the group that they of course were hoping to catch up to as well, but these two individuals, along with Beth who had also been on that list, seemed to be top priority.

Tess also answered the basic questions they had been asking her along the way. Where she was from, if she had any other family besides Luke left, had she been part of a group before and curious questions about her time alone. It made her uncomfortable, not at all use to a variety of people to interact with and never having the social skills pre-apocalypse to keep easy conversation going. It reminded her of her school days and having to read her reports and essays in front of the class. Having all the eyes on her. She never once got the stage fright under control enough to get through a full paper.

Once they came to the entrance of the tunnel she didn't have to worry about talking anymore. Both fortunately and unfortunately, respectably. 

Just looking into the blackness gave her the creeps. It was like the mouth of the tunnel was taunting them, just daring them to enter. If she had been alone or the decision had been hers, she would have opted to spend the extra time to find the way around. No need to go looking for trouble. But, despite the fact she was sure Sasha agreed with her, there was no disillusions about the fact that Maggie was the one running this mission and calling the shots. Everybody else was just along for the ride.

And, so, Tess tried to keep a cap on her growing dread as they ventured deeper in. She guessed they were about halfway through when the shit hit the fan.

First there was a large group of walkers in front of them, that they tried to fight through. Bob, Maggie and Sasha were using their guns and Tess her bowie knife. But, the small amount of progress they had seemed to be making was thrown out the window when it suddenly appeared like they were all but surrounded with no hope of skating by.

She had no idea what she thought it would do, or where the plan even came from when Maggie abruptly raised her gun and emptied the remainder of her clip into the roof of the tunnel.

There was just enough time to duck and cover their heads when the chunks of cement and stone came crashing down. Once the dust settled enough for them to see the result of Maggie's achievement, Tess couldn't help but stare at her in awe and admiration.

Maggie Greene, was a total badass.

With all the commotion they were able to bypass the remaining stragglers quickly and without incident, but found another surprise waiting for them as they came to the tunnel's exit.

Three more people. Abraham, Rosita and Eugene. Tess couldn't help but wonder, for the first time, if maybe she was actually dreaming all of this. After so long of seeing next to no human life, it was as if overnight the world had repopulated and people were just popping up out of the woodwork. They also had quite the story about their own mission to Washington D.C so that Eugene, a scientist, could cure the virus that had caused this whole mess.

Tess couldn't decide if the story was wild enough to be true, or just plain wild. She believed full-heartedly that the guy was a scientist. Not that her smarts were anything to go on, but he certainly talked and sounded like a scientist. An odd one, sure, but one nonetheless. This business about a magic cure though? That sounded too good. But it could be filed away for the time being, seeing as they also had another tale to tell. One of a young Korean man looking for his wife, who had insisted on making the trek through the tunnel himself.

She thought Maggie's head just might explode at the news. Hell, she started feeling excited herself and she didn't even know the guy past the little tidbits she had been getting over the last several days.

They all piled into the trio's car quickly as they drove back through the tunnel they had just emerged from. Some ways down, the small horde of leftover walkers they hadn't bothered killing had gathered and were zeroed in on two occupants who were huddled against the wall, in between the fallen debridement from Maggie's gun shots earlier. They all - save Tess and Eugene, the only two without guns - jumped out and Abraham had just barely got a 'Get Down!' yelled out before they lit the place up, effectively putting down the remaining walkers just before they reached the other two.

The man had just peeked his head up when Maggie took off towards him before throwing her arms around him, him catching her easily and returning the embrace before sharing a passionate kiss. Or two.

So, this was Glenn.

It was impossible not to feel the joy and love and utter happiness from the two. It caused a small smile to come to Tess' face. It was about time something started going right.

The new introductions were made. Tara, Glenn's new ally who had helped him get here, was introduced to all of them and Tess was introduced to the two of them.

There was a minor disagreement over the next steps. Abraham, the decisive leader of his threesome was adamant that all nine of them stick together and head to Washington D.C as a strong unit, but none of them would even consider it without first checking out Terminus. With Rosita's suggestion that they might have supplies there that they would need for the road, Abraham finally agreed and made the decision to set up camp in the tunnel. It was cleared out of any of the dead now and they would be able to easily hear any incoming threats. It was agreed upon between all of them that after everything they went through to find each other, Maggie and Glenn deserved a chance to just sit and be for a while, plus they could all use the rest.

Abraham had come over to her later that night, asking how she was with a gun. She told him the truth, that she knew the basics and could handle one safely thanks to her grandfather's insistent teachings, she just wasn't as comfortable with them as she was with her knife. She always felt like there was an extra dose of control when fighting hand to hand. He chose to ignore the latter part of her answer and tossed a standard glock into her lap, highly amused by the near heart attack the unexpected action gave her. When she tried to give it back he refused, stating no man on his crew was going around not packing.

She had offered to take first watch, already sensing she wouldn't be sleeping that night, not with Luke just out there somewhere. Plus the last of the adrenaline from that morning, along with the excitement of everything in between had started wearing off and she was hurting. Nothing as bad as the previous few days, but enough that she knew that that too would keep her awake. And it did. She was up long after Sasha came to relieve her. She spent a majority of the night silently creeping on Maggie and Glenn. She couldn't help herself. She may not have known what true love felt like, but she definitely knew what it looked like. She spent countless hours listening to her grandfather retell the stories of how he and his wife, the grandmother she never got the chance to meet, had met and fell in love and the life they built for themselves and just as many going through their old photo albums, seeing the way they stared at each other like they were each other's entire universe. What Maggie and Glenn had? That, was true love.

She had just dozed off for twenty minutes when Bob was waking her up the following morning, telling her it was about time to start moving. Once they were all up and had their stuff packed, they headed off towards the big destination.

They had arrived there just fine, not a single hiccup on their way. They made their way in and met with the people just fine too. Very friendly folks. Very accommodating. Then Abraham had mentioned D.C.

If nothing else, they were all thanking their lucky stars and any sort of god that might still be around that things went south before they got the chance to eat.

Tess now found herself, along with the others, locked in a train car like cattle and contemplating just who it was that was bringing the bad mojo because, surely, one group of people couldn't possibly have this much bad luck.

The sudden rain of gun fire outside told her she had spoken, or thought, too soon.

They all jumped to attention at once, trying to see out of the cracks on either side of the door to find out what was going on but it was useless. There was a definite feeling of helplessness as they were forced to listen to the fire fight, knowing someone out there needed help and there was nothing they could do about it.

The gun fire stopped just as abruptly as it had begun. After a few beats they could hear yelling. It was muffled at first, but then it started becoming clearer. The guy who seemed to be running things, Gareth, was giving out instructions to whoever they had entrapped now. He was giving out random nicknames, too. Ones that meant nothing to Tess but the more they were repeated, she noticed, the more tense the others - save for Abraham, Rosita, Eugene and Tara - were getting. Almost like recognition was starting to set in.

Still, when they heard steps getting close they started gathering towards the other end of the train car, banding together even closer when the door was slid open, not sure what to expect.

She wouldn't have expected what happened next, much as she had secretly hoped for it, much as they had come here specifically for this.

Four figures entered. Two men, a woman and then a kid.

Tess had trouble making any distinctions among the new people but Glenn, it seemed, wasn't having the same problem in the slightest. He stepped forward, even if there was a slight hesitance still.

"Rick?"

All four turned around, and it was then she was able to clearly identify Daryl. Every single one of them in there was now wearing some degree of stunned silence on their face, not quite believing it even as it stood right in front of them.

"You're here. You're here." the relief in his voice was evident, so was the suspicion that instantly lit his eyes as they landed on the five new faces he didn't know, one more so than the others, though they didn't catch onto that part. It must have meant more than just mistrust to the people who knew him, because Maggie quickly jumped in.

"They're our friends," she stated simply with a small glance back. "They helped save us."

"Yeah," Daryl was quick to reply. "Now they're friends o' ours," he sent a nod in Tess' direction. "See ya picked up mine."

Tess winced to herself slightly, not at all agreeing with herself being lumped under that blanket statement. She hadn't saved anyone. Even when they were all in the tunnel to help Glenn and Tara, she hadn't actually done anything. She had stayed back with Eugene.

She sent him a small nod of her own anyways, an answer to the unasked question she could feel from him.

I'm ok.

"For however long that'll be." was Abraham's no hope reply as he went to turn away, only to be stopped by Rick's strong determination.

"No," he said it so clearly and unquestionably that it seemed set in stone. "They're gonna feel pretty stupid when they find out." he finished almost smugly.

"Find out what?"

"That they're fuckin' with the wrong people."

Well, then, he could certainly count Tess as a believer in Rick Grimes.

Chapter Text

Although she still only knew little tidbits of information and hadn't had any actual interaction with the man himself yet, Tess could easily understand how Rick had become the esteemed leader they had all given her the impression he was. It was maybe five seconds between him telling them that the people of Terminus were going to regret messing with them and him dishing out orders to everyone to start getting ready, making weapons out of anything and everything they had on them. They all got to work quickly.

It was pretty impressive, their ingenuity with what they were able to create. Tess was particularly inspired by the way Rosita had MacGyvered a sort of mini stabbing spear out of one of her hoop earrings.

Not really having the option of using a belt buckle like some of the others, she chose to use her time breaking off chunks of the rotting wood from the inside of the car to start sharpening to a point. As she silently worked on that, she could hear some of the others giving each other quick cliff notes of things they knew, like Michonne telling Sasha that Tyreese wasn't there, Abraham telling everyone what had happened when their group first arrived and Maggie getting Daryl's side of what happened with Beth.

At some point Daryl had taken watch at the small crack in the car's door and alerted them all that four guys were heading their way. Rick was quick to insert himself at the head of the group, throwing out instructions.

"Ya'll know what to do. Go for their eyes first. Then their throats."

For a second, it was almost like hearing her grandfather speaking.

They all got themselves positioned and ready to attack. Tess was hoping the element of surprise would be enough to get this over with quickly because the claustrophobia of being locked in like this was making it harder and harder to keep her nerves under control and she was starting to worry she might end up getting someone else hurt because she was having a tissy over being closed in.

"Get your backs to the walls on either end of the car. Now." one of the men ordered from outside.

Rick looked around quickly, giving them all a nod to be ready.

The element of surprise had, indeed, been enough. The only problem was they weren't the ones providing it.

Glenn and Tess seemed to hear the faint footsteps above them first, glancing up in confusion, followed by Maggie and everyone else when the roof was suddenly pulled open, allowing the light to shine through as a metal can came falling to the floor in the middle of the car. Realization hit them all at once as they all went wide eyed and Abraham screamed for them all to move.

Tess had just barely turned around and felt a slight push on her back that she knew had to come from Glenn when the gas can exploded in a cloud of smoke. It affected them all instantly. She could hear them all coughing, gagging and gasping for air, could feel the way her eyes were stinging and the way her ears were ringing. It was completely disorienting. Like being in a fog without the ability to hear what was beyond it. She thought she might have heard the door slide open and felt somewhat like there was a scuffle besides her, but couldn't be sure of anything.

By the time the gas and smoke cleared up enough for anyone to really see anything, it was only to find that they were now missing four people.

Rick, Daryl, Glenn and Bob were gone. Had been taken.

There was a shared dumbfounded look worn by all who were remaining that spoke the same question.

What Now?

Minor panic set in, but was quickly replaced by arguments over what the next plan of action would be. It was several minutes of, mostly, Abraham overtaking the conversation when they were promptly interrupted, once again, by a giant explosion from somewhere outside that not only rocked the train car itself but seemed to rock the very foundation it sat on, sending them all flying to the floor once again. It didn't even seem like they had the time to pick themselves back up before gun fire was raining outside again. If it hadn't sounded like a war zone the first time when they were cornering Rick, Daryl, Michonne and Carl, it sure as hell did now. Especially when you added in all the angry and terror filled screaming coming from seemingly all around outside.

It seemed an odd thought to have, even given the current circumstances, but Tess was gradually becoming happier and happier that Luke and Beth hadn't been here for them to find.

Strangely enough, to Tess anyways, this new development seemed to spark a calm over the rest of them, even though she was freaking out more than she had at any other point since they entered this hell hole. Discussing what they could do, Carl telling them all without an ounce of uncertainty that his dad would be back and Maggie agreeing that he would, that they all would and that the rest of them needed to be ready to help them fight their ways out of here. Plus Eugene was now bent down in front of the door going on about...she couldn't understand what, save he was trying to fix up a way to open the door should there be no one left to open it for them.

It was a horrible time for random thinking, she knew, but she couldn't help but wonder - were these people this calm because they were just that use to this kind of battling, or was she just that much weaker and incapable then she usually felt?

She slowly went back to sharpening her makeshift spear as Maggie came over and started working on her own thing. That was going to be the best she could contribute at the moment.

It was quiet in the car for a little bit after that, other than the gunfire and screaming still going on outside, and growing sounds of the familiar walker growls and snarls, some even banging hungry hands against the outside walls looking for a fresh meal.

"What's the cure, Eugene?" Sasha asked out of the blue, the distrust clear in her voice even if she was asking calmly.

Nobody stopped working, but all eyes seemed to land on the two, curious, waiting to see where this would lead. It really piqued Tess' interest, seeing as she had had doubts about this whole thing from the jump.

"That's classified." he answered back instantly, almost robotically.

Tess couldn't help but roll her eyes.

Of course.

"We don't know what's gonna happen." Michonne pitched in this time.

"You leave him be." Abraham insisted, almost like an adult telling the neighborhood kids to stop picking on the weird kid.

"We need to keep working." Maggie sounded, clearly trying to keep the peace and everyone's minds on the task at hand.

"Yeah, but it's time we hear it. 'Cause we don't know what's coming next." Sasha persisted. Tess was starting to grow more fond of the woman as she looked on silently, watching. She had the gumption to sit there and ask the questions they no doubt all wanted answers to but none, Tess especially, had the nerve to challenge. Least of all now.

"What's next is we get out of here." Tara said as if it was final, clearly trying to take Maggie's approach of keeping the calm until they were at least out of danger.

"Even if I told you all, even if I provided step-by-step instructions complete with illustrations and a well-composed FAQ and I went red-ring, the cure would still die with me."

Tess shook her head to herself slightly, still not understanding half of what this fool was saying, other than he thought they were far too simple minded to understand. She was getting particularly irked by the condescending tone he had no problem not hiding.

"I'm not gonna let that happen." Abraham, again, coming to his defense.

Eugene gave him a slight nod before continuing. "The best-case scenario, we step out in a hailstorm of bullets, fire, and walkers. I'm not a fleet of foot. I sure as hell can't take a dead one down with sharp buttons and hella confidence."

"Yeah," a smug Michonne started, "But we can. And we will."

Sasha stared him down for another moment before standing. "You don't owe us anything. Not yet. But we just want to hear it." she was clearly trying to take a somewhat softer approach.

Tess couldn't bite her tongue anymore though.

"I second that."

Instantly, all eyes were on her, as if her presence had been forgotten until she spoke up. She felt on the spot again, but couldn't really just leave it at that.

She cleared her throat slightly. "Lousy timin'...obviously...but, I just think it's a fair question, is all."

"You don't have to." It was Rosita who answered this time, and between the double team of her and Abraham, Tess had to wonder just how capable the man was of talking for himself.

Eugene stood then, and it was like a wave of confidence took over him, even though he looked slightly irritated by having to explain himself and reveal government secrets.

"I was part of a ten person team at the Human Genome Project to weaponize diseases to fight weaponized diseases. Pathogenic microorganisms with pathogenic microorganisms. Fire with fire. Interdepartmental drinks were had, relationships made, information shared. I am keenly aware of all the details behind fail-safe delivery systems to kill every living person on this planet. I believe with a little tweaking on the terminals in D.C., we can flip the script. Take out every last dead one of them. Fire with fire."

Damn, Tess thought to herself. Once again, she didn't understand half the words he used, but the overall speech itself, she couldn't deny that it at least sounded like it made sense. Maybe he wasn't so full of it. Judging by the following silence from everyone else, clearly they were thinking much the same.

He gave a look around at them, clearly pleased with himself as a smile graced his face. "All things being equal, it does sound pretty badass."

"So let's get back to work." Maggie said with finality.

They didn't get the chance to, however, because there was a sudden, hard banging against the door and before it even opened Carl jumped, almost gleefully like he knew what, or who, it was.

The door went flying open and there was Rick, bloody and some sort of assault rifle in hand with Daryl, Glenn and Bob behind him, fighting off the oncoming threats. The relief of seeing them alive was overshadowed when she got a glimpse behind him and couldn't help but to pause at the scene.

If possible, it looked significantly worse than it had sounded. She didn't get the time to dwell on it though.

"Come on! Fight to the fence!" he yelled at them all, turning to start shooting at the surrounding walkers again to clear some sort of path as the others ushered and rushed them out of the car.

Tess was the last out and Daryl had grabbed her arm as she jumped down, pressing something into her hands as she landed and pushing her forward. She looked down just long enough to see it was her bowie knife. She instantly felt more complete and, as if her fight switch had been turned on, she was driving it through the skull of the closest walker to her, continuing on with any that got too close as she followed the group to their escape.

It was complete mayhem and tunnel vision all at once. Despite being completely surrounded by the dead and being shot at by the very angry, and now vengeful surviving members of Terminus, she felt more comfortable out here in the madness than she had locked in the train car. Out here, she could at least do something.

Rosita reached the fence first, finding a blanket or fabric of some kind to toss over to prevent them from slicing themselves open on the barb wire that ran along the top. She hopped over first and Abraham was quick to help Eugene over after her. They followed one by one after him as Rick stood back some to lay more cover fire for them. As soon as Glenn made sure Maggie was over and safely on the other side, he followed and then it was Tess' turn. She jumped slightly so she could get a grip on the top and was able to get the toe of her boot into one of the holes in the chain link fence to boost herself up, but as soon as she went to use her arms to actually pull herself up and over she felt a sharp pain in her side and slipped back down, only to be forcefully pushed back over by Daryl. Although she appreciated the help, she thought for sure she was about to faceplant on the other side. But, luckily, Glenn had been waiting to help if anyone needed it and he was able to catch her just enough to keep her from hitting the ground fully and got her back steady on her feet.

"Thanks." she said breathlessly.

"Yeah."

Just as soon as Daryl, Rick and finally Abraham were over, Rick and Daryl quickly took the lead of the group, navigating through the woods to a specific spot by a tree. With Daryl's confirmation that this was the spot, Rick bent down and started digging.

"The hell are we still around here for?" Abraham asked, some aggravation in his voice that they weren't high tailing it the rest of the way out of here.

"Guns, some supplies. Go along the fences. Use the rifles. Take out the rest of 'em." Rick explained, as if it should have been clear cut to all of them.

"What?" it was Glenn who questioned him, seeming somewhat stunned at Rick's plan.

"They don't get to live." he replied darkly.

It caused a slight shiver to go down Tess' spine, the coldness in his eyes. It seemed to make everyone a little uncomfortable.

Glenn seemed to consider his friend and leader before him for a moment. "Rick, we got out. It's over."

She had to agree with him. Although she understood Rick's point - it would have been nice to know, first hand, that they were good and truly dead and couldn't hurt anyone ever again - she still had to side more with Glenn, always following that same motto her grandfather had taught her early on in life.

No need to go looking for trouble.

Rick wasn't letting it go though, and soon all of them were trying to convince him it was either a bad, foolish or just plain unnecessary idea.

She decided to let them fight it out amongst themselves though, because that sharp pain she first felt when trying to get over the fence hadn't let up at all yet and it was getting harder to ignore now that they had a minute to breathe. She had been standing near the back of the group so she took their distraction as a moment to check herself. She put a hand on the closest tree to her to steady herself, feeling a little light headed and brought her left hand to press against her side. She closed her eyes slightly, already feeling the dampness but brought her hand up to confirm.

Yup. Blood.

Not a bunch, but enough that it was leaving a small stain on her - Bob's - shirt.

Everyone was still bickering when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, you alright?" it was Bob, looking between her face, side and bloody fingertips with concern.

His sudden question seemed to catch everyone's attention because, once again, all eyes were on her and she could already see the various questions on everyone's faces.

Was she hurt? Had she been shot? Worse, had she been bitten?

She started shaking her head at them all quickly. "No no no, I'm fine, just..."

But she was interrupted before she could finish by the sight she caught ahold of behind Rick's back.

A woman with short grey hair slowly making her way towards them. She seemed to hold an air of familiarity towards them, but all Tess saw was a possible Terminus survivor who could be capable of anything and it had her eyes narrowing and body tensing.

The sudden shift in her demeanor alerted them all and they swiftly turned to see what had caught her attention, all but Abraham, Rosita, Eugene and Tara freezing as they did so.

Then Daryl shot off like a lighting bolt and almost bowled the woman over with the force of his impact and the bear hug he embraced her in.

The action made Tess relax some. If Daryl, someone who displayed nothing but a clear distaste for any kind of affection or touching, - openly, anyways - in the few days or so that she had known him was reacting so strongly and intimately to her presence, then clearly was she not only not someone to be worried about, but she must have been part of their group.

The remaining original group all seemed to be overcome with joy and emotion as they followed after Daryl, Tess and the other newcomers staying behind. Happy as they seemed to be, they also seemed to be holding back, giving Daryl his own private moment with her. Tess watched in fascination as he pulled back slightly, only to lean his head back in to rest his head on her shoulder for a moment as she tearfully stroked his head before cupping his face to give him a watery smile.

Maternal.

That was what flashed in Tess' mind. It was like watching a mother comfort her child. It caused the pain in her side to subside and be replaced by a tightness in her chest.

It was something she would do to comfort Luke.

Rick was the next to step up to her. He shook his head lightly in disbelief, almost as if he didn't think she could have been there.

"Did you do that?" he asked her softly.

The woman didn't seem to be able to get her emotions under control enough to actually speak, ending up just giving a barely there nod and instantly Rick had her wrapped up just as tightly as Daryl had, cradling her head to his shoulder and started whispering something Tess couldn't hear from her spot.

Before anyone else could greet her or any introductions could be made, she pulled away from Rick.

"You have to come with me."

-x-

She led them out of the woods and back to the road. They walked for about twenty minutes before coming upon a small cabin. As it came into view, a large black man emerged from the front door and started walking down the front steps, a small baby in his arms. Rick immediately took off running, Carl quickly on his heels and Sasha just behind them. Tess had a feeling when they all took off, especially with the collective gasps from some of the others in front of her, but Rick seizing the tiny baby out of the man's arms and practically falling to his knees as he clutched her closely to his chest, Carl right there to see the baby, stroking its head, her head, was the confirmation.

This was baby Judith.

And the embrace that occurred between Sasha and the large man as she sobbed happily was another check off the list.

Tyreese. Her brother.

Their people. Their friends. Their family. They had found them.

The group watched on fondly, even the newcomers, even Tess. It was impossible not to be touched by the reunions.

It was also what had Tess shutting down slightly and having to turn away. As happy as she was for them, she so badly wished she could have that moment for herself. She so badly wished she had Luke back in front of her, safe and smothering him with hugs and kisses.

She could feel the sting in her eyes and was feeling so tired after everything that day that she initially wasn't even going to try to fight it off. But, then, she felt someone's gaze on her and she hurriedly blinked them away before chancing a glance to see who was watching her.

Daryl.

It wasn't even like he knew, he just knew. Sure, it wasn't that hard to figure out, it wouldn't be for any of them who knew about Luke. But, it was something a little different than just that. It was like he was staring into her and could sense and feel everything she was thinking.

Part of it felt nice to have someone who really understood understood, but the other part of it felt invasive, like he was seeing too much of her. It was too heavy and she had to look away.

Nice as this was and all, she just wanted her family back.

Chapter Text

The plan for the night was simple: Get as far away from Terminus as possible and find a place to set up camp so they could regroup and decide how and where to proceed from this point.

Dusk was settling in when Rick decided they were at a good enough place to stop. They checked the surrounding area, made sure it was clear before they were all back to more proper reunions and catching up. Tess had stood back a ways, not wanting to intrude and also just really feeling the need to be alone, invisible if it was possible. But, the more she watched Rick making the rounds to introduce and talk a bit with the new faces, the farther away from the main camp she slinked into, knowing he'd be making his way to her eventually and feeling like it would be a round of twenty questions, much like it had been with the other members she had met and just not feeling up to it at the moment.

Playing keeps away worked for a little bit, but eventually he caught up to her. Luckily, though, Bob had intercepted her first, wanting to get a better look at the damage she had done to her stitches. Seeing this, he only stuck around long enough to introduce himself with a handshake and get her name, despite most likely already knowing from Daryl, told her Daryl had said she was good people and that that was good enough for him. He welcomed her to the group, officially, and excused himself to let Bob do his thing, but not before giving her one last look. Despite the small, friendly smile he offered, he eyes told her, plainly, that this wasn't the end of their personal meet and greet.

Her attention was brought back to Bob when she heard his dissatisfied sigh.

"It's a little worse than I thought."

Great, she thought. "So, then, what's the damage?"

He pointed towards the upper end of the middle of the wound, where it just started to wrap around her ribs, closer to where the deeper stab wound was without actually touching her skin now that he didn't have to, easily catching how tense she would get and how she would flinch, even if barely sometimes, every time he had since meeting her.

"You've got about seven stitches here that have popped. It wouldn't be so bad if it was down lower where the cut is more shallow, but being this close to the deeper end...I'm not exactly comfortable with."

"Okay, so what do we do?"

"Afraid we've only got two options here."

"Which are?"

"Well," he let her shirt back down and finally looked at her for the first time since he started his assessment. "We can wait, hope we come across some supplies real soon, or...we can get...creative."

That didn't sound good.

She had to swallow down the dryness that was already forming at the back of her throat.

"And, uh, just how creative are we talkin' here?"

He gave a slight wince. "You're not gonna like it," he sighed again when she gave him the nod to continue. "We can easily pull the thread out of a shirt hem for the string, as for a needle, long story short, an empty bullet shell and your bowie will do the trick."

Yeah...

She didn't know how he planned to make a needle out of the two items, but he was right, nothing about it sounded appealing. Bob was the expert medic though, and he wasn't happy with the wound's current condition, which was more than enough for her to be concerned about it now as well.

She looked around the woods a bit, as if they would provide an answer for her before looking back to him.

"What would you do?"

"Honestly, it's like I said. If it was down more in the shallow area I'd say you'd probably be fine until we came across some real materials, but this deeper part? I'd recommend getting that closed back up as soon as possible."

"Right," she said slowly, before letting out a big breath. "Okay then, let's do it."

He gave her a serious look. "Are you sure."

Nope. Not at all.

"Yup."

He gave her an encouraging smile, that didn't feel at all encouraging. "Okay."

-x-

Bob hadn't been lying when he said it was going to be a creative process. After talking to Rick and getting him to agree, the two had gone off for about fifteen minutes - not wanting the loud sound of the gun shot close to their camp - before returning, Bob with the empty bullet shell in hand.

He next borrowed her knife and started a small fire before proceeding to heat up both items, placing a stick through the hollowed shell like a roasting marshmallow. When he deemed them ready, he quickly removed the items from the fire and with steady hands, the help of a belt buckle to hold the shell in place and an insane ability of craftiness, he managed to cut a sliver of metal out of it. After sharpening one end to serve as the head of the needle and doing his best to round out the sides slightly, he was finished and ready to go. He took the thread that she had pulled from the hem of her shirt while he had been working on the bullet shell and tied it through the small hole he was able to pierce through the small piece of metal.

"Okay, last chance to back out."

"Don't tempt me."

And with that, he started.

She should have backed out when he gave her the chance.

She had always been a punk when it came to pain, especially with needles. But this? This felt like being sliced with a mini razor blade over and over.

The first screech easily caught the attention of the others, even with Bob's shirt over her mouth to try to muffle the sound. By the third Maggie had made her way over and sat by her, offering mindless chit chat as a way to distract her some. She'd even offered a hand for her to squeeze, which Tess took gladly, even if she felt bad every time she gave a particularly hard squeeze and Maggie's face would screw up some. There was a combination of Tess apologizing to Maggie, Bob apologizing to Tess, and all three trying to assure each other it was fine.

The several minutes it took from start to finish felt impossibly long, but, finally, Bob finished up and tied off the last stitch.

"There. All done. You did great!" he gave her a big smile.

"You lie." she said in a slightly strained voice as she tried to pant through the residual pain.

"Can I have my hand back now?" Maggie asked, voice slightly strained herself.

Tess released her hand quickly, mumbling a sorry as she watched Maggie shake out her hand before flexing her fingers.

"Hey, no worries. Glad I could help, even if only a little." she waved her off before making her way back over to Glenn.

Bob held out a hand to help her back into a sitting position. "Try to be a little more gentle with these one, hmm?"

She couldn't help the small snort that escaped her.

"No promises."

-x-

It was late. Maybe around midnight, would be her best guess. They were supposed to be resting, there had already been a watch schedule set up and there was no need for everyone to be up. She was wide awake though. She had trouble sleeping to begin with just knowing of all the different dangers out there -  not to mention Luke - but there was also an odd feeling in the air.

The others had felt it too, some of them anyways. She had overheard Rick talking to a few of them, mainly Daryl and Carol about some noises coming from out there somewhere. Leaves rustling. Twigs snapping. It was enough that she saw him and Daryl take off for a few minutes, only to come back with no news to report. It was all chalked up to the sounds of nature.

But it just felt weird. It unsettled her more than she already was and made her more antsy and she finally had to get up and get moving to try to shake out the nerves.

She walked the perimeter of their camp, not wanting to intrude on anyone or accidentally step on someone in the dark. She had her hands in her pockets, alternating between making fists and flexing her fingertips as oppose to swinging them around in the open air. When she started to calm down just a little she fell into her usual pattern of distraction, humming a random song in her head and gaze falling to the forest floor as she watched the path she was walking instead of paying attention to where she was actually going. Which is why she noticed, too late, the faint glow of a very small camp fire. She glanced up in time to see Rick and Daryl sitting together, talking quietly and tried to turn out of sight without gaining their attention but wasn't quick enough. She had just turned around when -

"Tess?"

Damn.

She did another quick about-face, trying to play it off as if she had just passed them instead of hiding from them. It probably looked about as natural as it felt.

"Hmm?"

It had been Rick who had called out to her. "You alright?"

She nodded a little, but he looked - they both looked - as if they were waiting for a verbal response. "Yeah."

He frowned at her slightly. "Can't sleep?"

She shook her head, this time opting to leave it at the silent answer.

The frown lightened up some and he waved a hand in front of him. "Pull up a seat."

She sucked in the side of her cheek slightly. It was a friendly offer, but there was just the smallest undertone of an order. Clearly, this was about to be that talk he hadn't really gotten the chance to have earlier. She made her way over slowly before taking a seat in front of them, already uncomfortable just with the fact that she didn't have anything to lean against. She never did like the feeling of her back being turned to the wide open. Disliked it even more these days.

He didn't start talking right away. He let her sit there, eyes bouncing between himself and Daryl, never quite making eye contact before switching to the small fire or just the ground around her, arms coming to wrap around herself and fingertips tapping against her arm as she waited for him to finish whatever it was he was doing before he finally spoke again.

"So, tell me about yourself."

Here we go...

"Mmm... whaddya wanna know?" she asked as she shifted slightly.

"Anything," he replied with ease, though continued with a follow up question. "Where ya from, originally?"

"Um, up north, Tyrone... Fayette County... born and raised." she kept adding in specifics every time he didn't immediately ask another question.

"Has it been just you and your boy from the beginnin'?"

Her eyes lowered slightly at the mention of Luke. "...No. No it was, um, my mother was around, in the beginnin'. We were, uh," she started stammering, feeling the effects of her lack of social skills kicking in and could hear the nerves in her voice. She glanced back up slightly, expecting both men to be eyeing her suspiciously for having such trouble answering such a simple question, but found nothing but patience from both. She took a breath to try to steady her heart that was quickly speeding up. "We were holed up in my grandfather's old huntin' cabin. It was deep in the woods, pretty secluded, only a few other places in the area. Worked out just fine, for a little bit.

But, after about a month or so the dead started showin' up more and more, we were on the verge of bein' overrun and couldn't stay there anymore. My mother though, she, ah, she was real sick. MS. Completely wheelchair bond and, um...she didn't make it out..." she finished softly.

It wasn't a lie. But, it wasn't the entire truth either. There were some details that she was omitting in favor of not being looked upon in a certain way. They may have opened their arms to her, welcomed her in, but that didn't mean she needed to show all her cards. Not yet.

Daryl stayed quiet, unsurprisingly, face neutral. Rick, though, was looking at her with an understanding gaze.

"I'm sorry."

She waved him off. "Don't be. It's not like we were ever close, not like I really lost much of anything."

She wanted to smack herself as soon as the words left her mouth. That sounded more heartless than she intended and she didn't miss the way Daryl's eyes squinted just a hint or the way Rick's demeanor shifted from the empathetic one he had just had and back into the more inquisitive one he had started off with.

"Why not?"

Her eyebrows rose slightly as she pursed her lips, shrugging lightly, almost in a I don't know fashion. "My dad took off when I was a couple months old, decided he wasn't too keen on playin' house after all. I was a constant reminder of that fact. She, uh...I think she just held a lot of resentment over that."

She looked back to the fire. The topic of her mother had been a life long sore spot, never failing to pull her into a darker place.

She heard a slight scoff.

"Parents. They always find a way 'ta blame ya fer shit ya ain't even have any control over." Daryl responded, for the first time with a slight edge to his voice.

She watched him for a moment as he was now staring into the fire. That definitely sounded like someone who was speaking from personal experience. For no real reason, she decided to tuck that small note away as she heard Rick give a tired sigh.

"Parents, we...sometimes we cast a shadow over our kids," he glanced off to his right, looking into the dark and Tess figured it must have been the direction his own kids were in. "Whether we mean to or not."

It was almost as if that last part was meant for himself.

"I want you to know that I meant it, you're one of us now. You and your boy. And we're gonna do whatever we can, however long it takes, to get him and Beth back safely."

"Damn right we are." chimed in Daryl.

For the first time, she was able to make full eye contact with both of them, overwhelmed by both their shared conviction of finding them and the earnestness of their genuine care and concern.

She had intended to just give them a simple thank you and leave it at that, but the whirlwind of emotions she was now feeling had her wanting to return the favor in some way. To give a little bit of the trust that they were easily giving her, even after everything they had just gone through, back to them. It had her mouth overriding her mind.

"He's...he's not actually mine," she said, not much more than a whisper and head lowered back down to stare at her hands that were now clasped in her lap. "I, um, I found him. I was goin' through a small store and there was a walker in a back storage room and a note on the door and...and...he was just, there. His mom had been infected and had locked him in, hopin' someone would come along and find him...I did," she finished just as quietly as she had started before seeming to realize something. "I wouldn't even know his name if it wasn't for the emergency contact card in his backpack."

She didn't know why she was always so afraid to tell the truth of her relationship to Luke. She supposed it had a lot to do with her old world way of thinking. How felonious looking it would be for a woman to randomly show up with a kid not hers and claiming him as her own. Like one of those crazy baby snatcher ladies they made all those Lifetime movies about.

"Nah. He's yers."

Her eyes rose to meet Daryl's and his sudden declaration, finding nothing but sincerity. It stunned her, how simply he put it, like it was nothing. Like he truly believed it was that easy.

She chanced a glance at Rick, and found he was wearing the same look as Daryl. He shrugged casually with a slight tilt of his head.

"Like the man said, he's yours."

There was just the smallest urge to hug them both as she felt her throat tightening up. She had to clear it a few times to keep from breaking apart again. She didn't quite understand how they could be so understanding, but there was no denying the overwhelming relief of not being judged as harshly as she normally judged herself.

She watched as Rick glanced off to the side again, into the darkness. The conversation was only meant to get a better understanding of her, but the path the talk had taken was also clearly affecting Rick. Tess wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Hey," Daryl called out lowly, waiting for Rick to turn his attention back towards him. "Why don' ya go on? Fer a while at least. Be with yer kids, I got things covered."

It was clear Rick wanted to take him up on the offer immediately, as much as it was clear he was struggling with himself on if he actually should. Ever the leader, Tess was quickly learning about the man.

He only gave Rick another moment of hesitation before he was nodding him off again with another reassurance that it was fine. Rick finally gave in with a sigh, as if he were disappointed with himself for caving. Before he left though he gave Daryl a thank you with a strong grasp on Daryl's shoulder and Tess couldn't help but admire the way they seemed to be having a deep conversation without exchanging words at all. It was all looks and head nods. He sent one last quiet goodnight to Tess, which she returned, before finally disappearing into the dark.

Once he was gone, Tess knew she still wasn't going to be able to find sleep any time soon, and for some unknown reason she no longer felt like walking out the nervous energy coursing through her. She was very much eyeing the spot that Rick had vacated.

"You mind?"

Daryl's head had popped up at her sudden question, and the blank look on his face was the indication he had no idea what she was asking him.

"That seat," she inclined her head to where Rick had previously been. "You mind if I take that up?"

He glanced over to the space she was referring to before looking back at her and shaking his head with a small grunt. She sat up and walked on her knees over to him and settled back against the tree trunk, it resting right along her spine as she released a small noise of relief.

Daryl watched as it almost seemed like an invisible weight was lifted off of her. She reminded him of the cat he used to love as a kid. The thing couldn't stand to have its back left exposed, always picking sleeping areas where it could lay against something. Except, maybe comparing her actions to a cat wasn't the most appropriate animal to compare her to. It would have been hard, damn near impossible not to notice her little ticks during those three days at the funeral home. Even when things were quiet and peaceful, she still wore the nervous energy like a blanket. And she always seemed to be moving around in some way. Either tapping her fingers against her legs or some surface, bouncing her leg or foot, worrying her mouth, etc. It was like she constantly had to be moving in some way. She seemed to have a thing with sudden sounds as well.

A rabbit.

That was a more accurate animal to compare her to, he thought. She had a very nervous, borderline skittish air to her. He wondered briefly if her heart was always racing as fast as rabbits too.

Even now she was, he just noticed, fiddling with that knife of hers, rotating the handle around in her hands. She was looking at it, almost as if she were contemplating something before she glanced his way sideways a bit.

"How'd you get this back anyways?"

"One of 'em assholes that took us off the train had it on 'im."

She mouthed a slight 'ah' before setting the knife in her lap and laying her hands over it.

"'S'a real nice piece."

She nodded slightly. "It was my grandfather's. A present for my sixteenth birthday."

"He a hunter?"

"He was. Not hardcore or anything, but more than a casual hobby."

"He teach ya?"

There was just the start of a smile at the corner of mouth. "He tried."

Daryl nodded as if if he already understood. "Not yer thing?"

"Too much of a bleedin' heart," she answered with a slight shrug. "Could never bring myself to be the one to kill Bambi's mom."

He made a noise at the back of his throat but didn't voice anything beyond that. Not that he really needed to. Tess got the feeling he was very much the type that didn't understand that kind of logic, especially if it was hunting for food.

In the momentary silence Tess realized she wasn't having as much of a hard time talking to him as she did those first few days knowing him. She also noticed she didn't feel nearly as uptight since Rick had taken his leave. She wondered why that would be and had to chalk it up to the simple fact that she knew him first before the others in this new group she had stumbled into, and therefore had more of a base comfort level already built in with him despite not having spent a whole lot of time actually talking. But, there was that as well. The fact that she didn't necessarily feel the need to have to talk to him. Sure, she didn't think she had observed him enough to be able to pin point different character traits of his, but she felt confident in the fact that he wasn't exactly fond of a lot of talking himself.

It was at some point during that random train of thought that she realized she hadn't actually thanked him for returning her knife, or even for originally leaving it behind for her when he had left with that other group of men.

She glanced his way again, intent on doing just that but was stopped when she met his steely gaze again. Except this time it didn't seem nearly as harsh or intimidating as she had seen it before. It was still intense, to the point where she had to keep breaking eye contact before finding it again, but it seemed much more...thoughtful, this time. As if he were contemplating whether or not to say something. He seemed to give in after a few moments of silence more.

"Ya know," he started lowly, chewing the nail on his thumb as if he were fighting his own discomfort. "Those guys I left with...it wouldn' have been good fer ya ta be there."

Tess took advantage then of the fact that he was still more interested in chewing on his nail, almost compulsively, and had his head tucked down and just studied his profile. It seemed like such an obvious observation that didn't actually need to be spoken, and she wasn't sure what the point was.

"I do..." she replied just as lowly as he had. Then she had a thought, all at once, that perhaps this was him feeling guilty. Guilt for leaving her alone. Which only proved to confused her more. He had gone out of his way to lead a group of what he felt were dangerous men away from her and had even made a point to leave her some kind of protection. What could he possibly have any negative feelings about? "...Thank you." she told him with as much sincerity as she could portray.

He seemed to bypass it all together.

"The leader, Joe, he kept goin' on 'bout this guy they were trackin' down, somebody who had killed one'a their guys. I tried ta leave tha' next night, when they were busy with their own shit, that's when I seen it was Rick, Michonne and Carl."

Tess simply nodded along to his tale, even though he wasn't looking at her, but stayed silent beyond that, now very much at a loss as to why he would be telling her all of this. Or why he would be telling her any of it, period.

"Talked 'bout someone else they were lookin' fer too. A woman and her kid they'd been followin' fer a few days, was pretty sure she had taken out two of their own."

It was then, as Tess felt herself go cold and her heart rate pick up that Daryl finally looked up to look her straight on again. It was another one of those intense stares he seemed to be so good at. Strong emotions of some kind swirling around along with a stand out strain of understanding.

"Good fer ya."

She had to tear her eyes away again at that, bringing them back to the small fire that once again appeared much more interesting than the conversation that had been unfolding. Her knees came up a little closer to her body and she tightened her arms across her chest, invisible walls starting to assemble around her.

"Hey," it was a slight command, strong enough that it demanded she meet his stare again. "Nuh uh, ya don' feel bad fer tha'."

His voice hadn't raised any higher than the soft tones they had been speaking in, but the sentence easily carried a lot more force behind it.

He watched her, silently, again. She was looking out into the surrounding woods, in no particular direction. She seemed to be attempting to gather her thoughts, continuously biting her bottom lip and looking towards the endless night for an answer that would help explain what it was she wanted to say.

"Just seems like such an odd thing to be complimented on, ya know?" she finally went with. "Like, hey, congratulations, you're a hell of a killer -"

"Fighter," he cut her off swiftly, nodding once firmly when her eyes had snapped back to his. "Helluva fighter."

Tess tilted her head in contemplation.

Huh. Now that was a different way of looking at it.

They both turned back to look at the fire, an easy, comfortable silence enveloping them as they were each left to their own thoughts.

Fighter. Not a killer, but a fighter.

Tess let the words roll around her head. That would definitely be some food for thought.

Chapter Text

It seemed that Tess' body simply refused to abide by the age-old adage that the best thing for a broken body was rest and plenty of it.

She had spent the majority of the night up and wide awake, Daryl by her side in the same spot, apparently not much in the mood for sleep either. They didn't really say a word to each other once they had ended their original conversation, except for a quick rundown of some things he and Rick had been discussing before she inadvertently interrupted them. The loose plan for the next day was to get back on the road and moving in the hopes of quickly finding a more durable place to stay as opposed to being out in the open in the woods, and once they had that security they could sit down and start making an actual plan as to how they were going to start tracking down Beth and Luke. After that it was pretty much radio silence, which was more than fine with her. Not only had she still been heavily mulling over his words about a fighter vs. a killer, but she had also fastly been learning since the funeral home that she felt oddly ok just sitting in his silence. She attributed it to the fact that he was seemingly like her, not much for idle chit chat, much more comfortable in just sitting back and watching from the sidelines. She didn't feel the need to fill the silence nearly as strongly as she normally would.

She remembered thinking, some time after he finally dragged himself off to wherever and before she finally crashed, if that could be considered as her using him.

But now her mind had apparently decided it was time to put her in her place and give her a swift kick in the ass for not taking better care of herself.

She woke up abruptly, nearly choking on whatever it was that was currently making its way up and out of her mouth and had intended to make a beeline to a more secluded area before she lost her cookies, only to lose it all the second she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees. It wasn't much, given there wasn't much in her stomach at that point that could have come up, but the bile was turning thick and foaming, which in turn was choking her slightly.

Of course the presence of people behind and around her didn't bother her. It wasn't like she had just enough wherewithal left in the moment to feel any traces of embarrassment. Not at all.

Bob was by her side before she could finish, soothing voice telling her just to try and relax and coached her through getting some deep breaths in. And it helped. Until it didn't.

When she had finally got settled again, he had given her some water to drink. She actually took the offer gladly this time, badly wanting to get the acidic taste out of her mouth. But, the second she tried to swallow it too came back up on her, causing a whole new gagging fit with it. It took another few moments to calm down, during which time Maggie had made her way over, much like the night before. She had crouched down on Tess' other side, holding her hair back slightly and running a hand between her shoulders. Even in her preoccupied state, Tess couldn't help but think how it reminded her so much of the way Beth had tended to her those few days.

"She alright?"

She couldn't help the slight groan that escaped her at Rick's voice.

Bob looked up to him with a bit of a sigh. "It's what I told you I was worried about. Post concussion issues. Everything's been so go-go-go and now that it's not, her body is finally catching up."

When Tess finally felt like she had her gag reflex under control again, she slowly pushed herself into a sitting position just as Rick had crouched down in front of her, face all business like he was studying her.

What she wouldn't have given for a toothbrush with everyone in her face like that.

"Maybe we should hold off on leavin'? Take one more day to rest up before hittin' the road." Maggie finally suggested.

"It would definitely help." Bob agreed.

Tess wasn't having it though.

"No," she started, shaking her head sharply and regretting it instantly when it reawakened the nausea. "No no no. I'm fine."

The shared dubious looks from the three were not lost on her. Rick's, though, softened some when he saw the shift in her eyes.

"Hey," he started softly while reaching to place a hand on her shoulder, not missing the barely there flinch she gave at the contact. "I know you're worried about your boy and you just wanna get to him as soon as possible, but you gotta be smart about this. You can't just go running off into the unknown if you're barely staying together yourself."

"Bu...but..." she started sputtering, the exasperation setting in. "What's the difference if I feel like shit here or out there, other than we could actually be doin' somethin' out there?"

It was Bob who answered her.

"The difference is you won't be able to do anything for Luke if you hurt yourself or more by pushing yourself when your body is clearly screaming at you the gas tank is empty."

"He's right, Luke is gonna need you strong once we get to him and Beth. It's like airplanes, right? You gotta put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can help others." Maggie added.

Tess let out a harsh breath. She knew of course that realistically they were right, but that bit of knowledge was doing nothing for her right now. Plus she could feel just how badly she was losing this battle. It made her want to throw up. Again.

"Alright, well that settles it. We stay here one more day, give - " he stopped when he saw the growing distaste on Tess' face. "Give everyone a chance to rest up, then we'll head out at daybreak tomorrow. Until then, 'fraid you're on mandatory bed rest."

He said it with such finality too. She couldn't stop the small flurry of nasty words floating in her head that she wanted to launch at him.

Rick gave her one quick pat of reassurance before standing back to his full height. "I'm gonna go let everyone know the plan," he pointed a finger directly at her. "Rest."

She would feel bad for it later, but in that moment she didn't feel an ounce of anything when her eyes narrowed slightly at him. If she could see her reflection she would have known that it was far from impactful. Which would explain the slight twitch of his lips. He went to take his leave before stopping suddenly and turning around to face her again, this time with a somewhat amused look.

"And if you decide to sneak off on your own, you be sure to let me know how that turned out for you when one of us brings you back."

This time her eyes widened.

Fucking guard duty? Seriously?!

She watched him walk away before looking to Maggie, who gave her a sympathetic smile but couldn't mask her own amusement that was making her eyes shine. Tess let her look wither at the younger woman before turning it to Bob.

"What the hell happened to doctor patient privileges?" she asked grumpily, only to get a big smile in return.

"Sorry, afraid it went out the window with privacy curtains."

It was going to be a bad day. And a long one at that.

-x-

And it was.

Word spread almost instantly that not only would they be spending the extra day here, but that she was apparently to be considered a flight risk. Sure to his earlier advice - nay, threat - she didn't miss the way there always seemed to be at least one person from the group within her proximity. She both loathed and, a smaller part of her, appreciated it. It was one of the side effects of her anxiety that she hated the most. Over the years as it progressed, more and more she would find herself in a state of complete contradiction within herself. Antithetical, she believed was the word that had been given to her at some point. She was grateful, maybe even honored in a way - which only brought up a new wave of conflicting thoughts - that they would be so concerned over her well being. The other half of her was just so pissed off that she was being delayed in her search for Luke and, for all intent and purposes, was being held captive.

It didn't sit well with her, any of it. The good part of her feeling helpless and like yet another burden these people didn't need. The bad part of her just feeling resentment. It was all making her irritability flare something awful and feeling much too like her mother.

She tried sticking to herself. She went straight for walking around camp, knowing she was too worked up to be able to sit still some place. It only helped enough to not outright snap at someone, until about an hour in when she could no longer put up with the newest person to trail her on each lap around. She finally gave that up and settled for planting herself against a large fallen tree trunk, moodily staring daggers into the dirt. She could feel her temper spiking more with each passing minute.

When she would feel or flat out catch someone watching her.

When she watched Rick and a small group taking off to scavenge the area for supplies.

It was beyond frustrating and the forced downtime with no distractions was allowing her mind to run rampant. What she wouldn't give to have Luke's walkman and that Aerosmith tape that she had grown a soft spot for back. Anything to quiet things down.

She had been in the middle of over aggressively ripping leaves and snapping twigs when she noticed the pair of boots enter her vision. She looked up slightly to see Daryl staring at her, all business as usual. He seemed to be looking for something for a moment before cocking his head to the side.

"Well, c'mon."

She just stared at him dumbly, prompting him to elaborate.

"Ya up fer a walk?"

"Thought I was on house arrest?"

"Ya are. Tha's wha 'm fer."

She felt her lips thin out into a frown as she lifted an eyebrow.

"So, you're takin' me for a walk...like a dog?"

He gave a barely there shrug. "Ya want out or not?"

Yes. Yes she did.

So, with only a slight huff of irritation at having to have a chaperone, she pushed herself off the ground, catching Daryl's pointed look when she sucked in a breath and grabbed her side. His look obviously saying, 'this is why you're being benched'. She huffed again.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." she grumbled with a roll of her eyes.

-x-

Orange.

Mixed with yellow.

Just a hint of red.

It was all swirling together in a perfectly synchronized dance, and it was completely hypnotizing. She wasn't even sure what it was, just that in this moment she wanted nothing more than to just stay there. In the hypnotic warmth.

Soft, nearly inaudible murmurs started to filter in. She thought, perhaps, she was suppose to identify them, search them out and find them. But the pull of the warmth was too strong to deny.

The murmurs became whispers, and soon after became soft spoken words that she couldn't distinguish, she only knew that it was causing her to lose her connection to the warmth, which was starting to make something tickle inside her.

"Tess?"

The tunnel vision she had been in suddenly started to widen back up as her senses started to perk up again. The cocoon of warmth she had been locked away in was simply the small camp fire she had been staring at for who knew how long. So if the comforting warmth had only been the fire, that meant that the soft whispers and murmurs had come from...

"Tess?"

She slowly looked up to see Maggie was looking at her with a slightly concerned, yet slightly amused look on her face. Glenn had a similar look and she could tell just from the small glance of Daryl she could see out of her peripheral vision he had that same analytical look of curiosity that he, she had come to notice, usually gave her. But it was Maggie who had been addressing her.

"Hmm?"

The amusement came through just a little bit more at her clueless expression. "You alright?"

A moment's pause. "Mhm."

"Where on earth did you just go?"

The clueless look she had apparently been wearing before turned to actual confusion. "Whaddya mean?" she asked them, genuinely.

"You looked like you were a million miles away, we've been trying to get your attention for a few minutes now." Glenn explained.

Oh.

She saw they were all staring at her expectantly now and that she probably wouldn't have much luck wriggling out of giving some sort of answer.

"Um, it was nothin', really," she started with a lousy attempt at nonchalance. "Just, um...thinkin' 'bout someone I used to know."

Maggie studied her face for a moment before just a slight smile started to form. "Boyfriend?"

She didn't know all three of them caught the way she instantly went to say yes before quickly shaking her head.

"No...no no no," her eyebrows rose slightly with each denial before the frown started to settle back in. "He was just a really good friend."

It was impossible to miss the change in atmosphere and the sorrow that suddenly filled the air.

"I'm sorry," Maggie said softly with a look of compassion. "Was it before, or after?"

"Before. Long before."

There were another few moments of silence before Tess suddenly stood, mumbling a goodnight to them before disappearing from their sight.

She walked for a few minutes until she got to the other end of their makeshift camp that was currently unoccupied by any of the others and chose the tree with the biggest trunk base to nestle against.

Where the hell had that come from?

She didn't remember zoning out at all. The last thing she remembered was sitting with them, cooking up some of the squirrel meat that Daryl and her had managed to find earlier in the day and practically being force fed by Maggie with Glenn and Daryl serving as backup reinforcement. She figured it had to just be the wheel of her mind turning again. Missing Luke so badly and having that bone deep fear for his safety wearing her down, feeling so useless in her physical state. Daryl taking her to look for food with him had silenced it down for a while, being in that silence of his and watching as he skillfully trekked through the terrain with a graceful ease she sure as hell couldn't comprehend. She did her best to just follow in his footsteps as quietly as she could, the task of focusing on that helping her nerves and anxiety.

Of all the pointless, random thoughts she could have gotten lost in, why was she suddenly taking a stroll down the memory lane of her love life? For Christ's sake, she didn't even have a love life to be reminiscing over.

Clearly not being able to count the peck of a kiss she shared with Brett Bailey in fourth grade, her first real experience didn't occur until she was twenty five. She had felt something brewing within her for the near year it had been since her grandfather had died, a precursor of a warning of what was to come several years later. She had been getting hit with bouts of melancholy for a few weeks when she woke up one morning and decided, with absolute certainty, that she was tired of being a virgin.

It hadn't been something she'd done purposely. There were no religious reasonings or anything special attached to it, she had just never met anyone who could have been an option. But she was definitely sick of it. Sick of how much stock everyone always seemed to put into it. Sick of all the nerves and anticipation she herself had put into it, dreaming of one day meeting that special someone that she felt safe enough with to share herself fully with. She was sick of thinking about it at all. She just wanted it done and over with. She just wanted it gone.

And so she spent the day of her twenty fifth birthday preparing. She went and bought herself a new dress. A cream colored spaghetti strap sundress with a slightly ruffled high-low hemline that hit her just above the knee with an all over pattern of small yellow wildflowers and an attached thin brown belt, along with a pair of brown strappy sandals to match. She then went to a small beauty boutique. She was pretty clueless when it came to applying make-up, she knew maybe the basics of the basics. She knew they offered 'free' makeovers, as long as you were willing to buy something. They kept it mostly natural, smoking out her eyes just a little for that special touch. She finished by going to get her hair trimmed and styled, simple loose beach waves resting just below her shoulders, just enough to tame the frizzy bits of her more naturally curly hair.

By the time she got home and dressed she actually felt...pretty.

It almost changed her mind. One of only a handful of times in her life where she was comfortable or happy with herself and appearance, it was causing her to get cold feet as she started fantasizing again. About the special someone who should be getting this version of herself.

But then the more she fantasized about a life that wasn't, the more antsy she started to get and any traces of cold feet she had previously vanished. So, after a quick and silent dinner with her mother that resulted in nothing more than her wanting to know who she had gotten all dolled up for, she helped her mother into bed and made sure she was settled for the night before making a mad dash out the front door at 8:00pm on the nose.

She drove for a while, stopping at a few places but never getting out of her car before driving off to the next. Eventually she decided she didn't want it this close to her and her home, so she drove until she reached a small dive bar on the outskirts of town in the next county over.

It was roughly 9:30pm when she finally walked in, and almost immediately walked back out. Given it was a Saturday night the place was packed, but they had also had some kind of karaoke event going on so people really seemed to be riled up and liquored up. But she forced her way through the crowd and found one small empty area at the end of the bar where she planted herself. She spent the next hour getting herself pickled. Which wasn't easy. She hated the taste of alcohol, always had. From the time she was twenty one she had tried just about everything she could get her hands on, both liquors, wines and beers, etc. But regardless of what it was or how fruity or light handed it was, it was always the first thing she tasted. That bitter, battery acid taste that always left her gagging. But she knew she would never go through with this all the way unless her senses were severely dulled down. So, the bartender had made a sort of sample platter of the most commonly requested drinks for her to experiment with.

Once she felt sure she was at just the right point of tipsy but still coherent, she turned in her seat and instantly looked to throw herself at the first guy who showed her any interest.

His name ended up being Thomas. He had been there with a group of buddies celebrating a bachelor party, or something like that. He was twenty eight, tall, muscular, short and spiky light brown hair and quite possibly the most gorgeous set of green eyes she had ever seen. He was way out of her league, by miles. She knew it. He knew it. But he was all but wasted and she wasn't trying to hide the fact that she was easy pickings. It was mutually beneficial.

When he first led her outside he had brought them over to a secluded area around the side of the building. So they could talk more easily, he had told her. They were leaning against the wall and he kept getting closer and closer and speaking soft compliments to her and, despite the fact this was suppose to have no feeling behind it, she couldn't help the butterflies that had started to flutter to life in her stomach. By the time he had her pressed flat against the wall, hands roaming and mouth on every inch of her neck, she could feel the way her body was responding to experiencing all these new sensations for the first time and she was even excited as he clumsily started dragging them over to his pick up.

Things changed pretty quickly after that.

As soon as he had slammed the back door shut he was on her, all over her. The soft lips that had been doing wonderful things to her neck before were now rough and trying to reach all sorts of new places. The gentle hands that had caressed her outside were now aggressive and needy, pulling and tugging and digging into any place they could reach. She had been too distracted and uncomfortable when the previously sweet compliments turned to vulgar talk of all the different things he could imagine doing to her and wanted to do to her - since she had purposely let it slip earlier in the night that she was a virgin - to ever even realize he had her underwear removed and his buckle and jeans undone until she felt that first sharp sting. She kept her eyes glued to the interior ceiling light in the truck's cab the entire time.

The whole thing lasted about four minutes, tops.

There was no small talk afterwards. No phone numbers exchanged. Not even a see ya later. There was just barely a bye.

It had been what she wanted. Until he had, no, until she had let him trick her into feeling special. After feeling that, the sharp contrast to the act itself had left her feeling dirty and shameful.

It would be the last physical contact she would have until him. Until Matthew.

It was at the start of her big mental decline. Another birthday - this time her thirtieth - where the thoughts were too loud and too plentiful and needed to be ignored. It was the one birthday she had always been afraid of. For as long as she could remember, her mother had always gone on and on about how devastating turning thirty had been for her, a midlife crisis of sorts. Tess had been dreading it for years, convinced she was going to experience the same thing. And she did. She couldn't tell if it was the birthday and age itself, or if she had just been feeding into it so much for so long that it finally manifested itself. Either way, she had needed to get a hold on it. So, after the traditional birthday dinner with her mother that resulted in next to no words being exchanged, per usual, she drove herself to a bar. One in her home county this time. A tavern that she remembered her grandfather used to enjoy. It was a smaller place, quiet and homey, in a sense.

She went with whiskey and coke, figuring with the whiskey she wouldn't have to drink nearly as much as something else to get the same desired effect, plus the coke could help her stomach the taste. Not that it helped much. She had been nursing her second glass when he showed up, taking a seat several stools down. He chose vodka straight and had kept to himself for a while before finally telling her she looked like she could use a laugh. She had, somewhat bitchily, challenged him to try. And he did. He fed her some joke/pick up line about fat penguins and breaking the ice, and she had laughed. She laughed more at that one line and at him than she had in far longer than she could remember.

He joined her for real after, taking up the seat next to her. They talked for hours, about everything and anything. She had never felt so comfortable as to speak so freely and openly with someone else before. They had plenty in common. More than anything, they both were struggling with their inner demons, his much more self destructive than her own. When the bartender finally kicked them out at closing time she felt like she had known him forever, like he had always been a part of her life. Like he was always supposed to be a part of her life.

This time there was small talk and numbers exchanged, as he insisted on walking her to her car. A meaningful see ya later and plans to meet up for lunch.

He helped to keep her going when her depression and anxiety hit an all time high, helped fill the void of safety that her grandfather's death had left her with. She pulled him back from the edge on the nights he really went dark and just wanted to numb everything with the strongest thing he could find. He had become the best friend she'd ever had, always wanted but never found. And when Julie came into his life and cemented her spot at his side, she honestly felt like she was going to be gaining a sister on top of it all.

And then, like all good things, it came to an end.

He showed up at her door late one night near midnight, a week before his and Julie's wedding day. She knew the second she opened the door and seen the look on his face that things were never going to be the same.

She listened, as quietly and as patiently as she could, to him explain things while they sat on the small couch together.

They were moving. Julie's father had come down with a serious illness, cancer of some kind, and it was just too much for her mother to handle alone. With no other siblings who could offer help, they were going to be moving back to her home state of Oklahoma right after the wedding so that they could help out.

She was almost able to hold it together. Act like an adult, be mature about the whole thing. But the remorseful look he wore was crushing and it shattered her.

She cried. Cried even harder when he begged her not too, pleaded that he couldn't handle it knowing he was the cause. Cried harder still when he had wrapped her up in his arms and held her securely, a comfort she wished she could have appreciated more in the moment. She finally started settling down to small whimpers when he began murmuring things against her hairline, adding a small kiss to her forehead after each one.

"You know I love ya to death, right?"

That had been the last thing he had said to her, along with the accompanying kiss to her forehead. But then, after a pause, there was one more kiss to her temple. Then one to her cheek. Her nose. The corner of her mouth. Then, with her head cradled in his warm hands like she was the most fragile and precious thing in the world, he pressed the most gentle of kisses to her lips.

It was safe and warm and quiet, everything she was always searching for, and nothing or no one from the outside world could touch them. Their little bubble of protection was completely impenetrable.

It was the reason why, despite everything; their friendship, his upcoming wedding, Julie and the guilt and regret she knew would shadow her later on, she didn't stop him from kissing her again. Just as softly but with something stronger mixed in. She also didn't stop him when he gently laid her down and held her impossibly close as he seemed to be trying to tell her a hundred different things with his kisses alone. Didn't dare stop him as he gently pushed her nightgown up.

It was so vastly different than that first time. A literal night and day difference. This, she wished she could have captured in a bottle and keep forever. The love and affection radiating off of him, just for her, was so overwhelming it caused a few more tears to slip down that he kissed away. His face nuzzling into her neck was her final undoing and her fingers dug into the wrist of the hand that was still cradling her face, feeling his rapid pulse under her fingertips.

The moment wasn't loud, like the movies would lead her to believe. It had felt like a tension in her lower belly that had suddenly been released and allowed a wave of relaxation to wash over her entire body, coming down off of her slight high after a few moments with a small sigh.

She had kept her eyes closed the entire time, afraid to open them and find it wasn't real.

She would regret that too.

She didn't remember falling asleep. Only waking up to him gone. And feeling so very cold and empty.

She didn't go to the wedding. She sent the china set she had gotten them as a wedding gift with a note, apologizing for having to miss the big day. She gave some excuse about her mom having a flair up with her MS and just couldn't make it.

There was never any reply, or thank you note for the gift. There was never any kind of correspondence with him at all after that night.

She wondered, just once on a lonely night, if they really were moving back to Oklahoma to help out with her dad or if Julie had just figured out what they had apparently been blind to - at least she had - and had given Matthew some sort of ultimatum.

"Hey."

Tess glanced up to see Maggie, small smile on her face but still the slight sympathy.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No."

She sat down next to her before pulling her knees to her chest, matching Tess' position.

"I'm sorry," she started with a small sigh. "I didn't mean to dredge up bad memories or anything."

No no, it's fine, really," she assured her. "It was," she took a minute to decide how she wanted to explain. "It was just weird, to think about that. I don't even know what brought it up."

"Sooo," Maggie hesitated, not wanting to over step, but Tess inclined her head, giving the go ahead to continue. "He wasn't your boyfriend, but...you loved him, right?"

She had to think about it. "I did love him," she started slowly. "But...I'm almost positive, no, I know I wasn't in love with him. He was, he was just the one who was there, always, when I needed him. A safe place, ya know?" she finished off quietly.

She watched as Maggie turned her head back towards the other end of camp where Glenn would still be sitting by the fire, even though she couldn't see him from here. She looked back to Tess with another smile.

"Yeah, I do."

Tess smiled back. Even in the short time span spent with them, the love between Maggie and Glenn was clear as day and impossible to ignore. She would still secretly watch them from time to time when she could, enjoying the peaceful feeling their showcase of love, even with all the madness around them, brought to her. It suddenly had her wanting to share more with Maggie, for some reason.

"You know, I actually think that's one of my biggest regrets."

"What is?"

"...Never fallin' in love. I feel like," she let out a sigh of her own. "I feel like that might've broken my heart more than if I actually had my heart broken for real."

She savored the way Maggie put her arm around her shoulders, bringing her into a slight hug and staying that way for a long while afterwards.

Chapter Text

She couldn't remember a time when she felt this relaxed. Not since the world went to hell anyways. The light melody of the calm, flowing water of the river bank was soothing in a way she couldn't put words to. Everything just felt so...peaceful.

She looked up, suddenly, with a slight frown.

No, that couldn't be right. This couldn't be right.

She had been here before. She couldn't remember when or why, but she was certain she had and the sense of deja vu had a cold chill running down her spine, telling her she needed to go and needed to go now. She needed to get Luke and get the hell away from this place.

Luke.

She jumped up and started looking frantically in every direction. She couldn't find him. He was just with her, she knew he was, but now it was as if he had vanished. 

Footsteps. 

She could hear footsteps behind her right as she heard rustling leaves straight ahead of her. She squinted through the trees and was just able to catch sight of his mess of brown curls. She immediately took off after him, needing to get to him before the mystery footsteps behind her caught up.

She ran as fast as she could but couldn't make sense of the fact that she never seemed to get any closer to him. The thought occurred to her, briefly, that that couldn't be possible. Luke could be like a little rocket when he wanted to, but he was still too young, too small to be able to outrun her. And yet, she just couldn't get any closer. But then the tree line broke and she was in the middle of an undistinguished road. The confusion set in heavily again, but before she could process how she so suddenly found herself on that road, a car went whizzing by her.

Black car. White cross.

Luke.

She took off running once more.

Just like when she was chasing him through the woods, it seemed despite her best efforts the car was staying just out of reach. But that was ok, she assured herself. Because, for now, as long as she kept sight of it things would be ok. She just had to keep sight of it.

She came barreling around the bend in the road that the car had taken and stopped dead in her tracks. She was at a crossroads by some railroad tracks. That was all though. No Luke. No car. No nothing except the decision to go left or right.

"Can't you ever do anything without screwin' it up?"

She looked to her left to find her mother staring straight through her with that same piercing stare she was so familiar with. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

Dreaming. I'm dreaming. Just wake up.

"Tessie Elaine Foster, you look at me when I'm talkin' to you!"

"Oh, don't mind her ma'am. She just tends to get a little shy." 

Her head snapped up to the right to find those two monsters, Mitch and Cliff leering at her, the same promises of wicked things in their eyes that she remembered so vividly.

"No problem though, me an' my buddy here can show her a good time, have some real fun. She'll be right as rain after that."

Dammit, Tess, wake up.

She shook her head again as she rubbed furiously at her eyes, mumbling to herself the entire time.

"You're not real. None of you are real, you're dead."

She never even heard anyone approach when she felt the cold grip on her shoulder.

"Oh really?" it was her mother's face sneering at her, nearly nose to nose. "And just why would that be, hmm?"

Before she could even get her mouth working she felt more hands, one set holding her hands in a vice like grip behind her back and Mitch's large hand locked onto her other shoulder. He leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

"Someone's been a bad girl, hasn't she?"

And then all three of them had morphed into the reanimated versions of themselves. Tearing. Clawing. Biting.

WAKE UP!

Tess came to with a massive start and just barely registered Daryl grabbing hold - lightly as he could while still gaining control - of her wayward fists that she had apparently come up swinging with.

"Hey hey hey, jus' me." he repeated several times, softer than she would have imagined him capable of.

Amazing how that thought came through so clearly even before the fog of her dream had worn off completely.

So this is what it was like to wake up disoriented in the middle of a dream.

She could feel how sweat covered her face was and the pounding of her heart in her ears as she panted out a few breaths. She could feel him staring at her but was feeling too embarrassed, and shook up, to meet his stare and closed her eyes again as she worked on evening out her breathing again, instead choosing to focus on his light grip on her wrists, finding that doing so seemed to be grounding her faster than anything else.

"Ya good?" he asked, somewhat hesitantly after a moment of her continued silence.

She took one last deep breath before blowing it out slowly and finally opened her eyes to meet his blue ones.

"Ye...yeah. Good," she felt foolish, now that she was fully awake and aware of her surroundings, which triggered her nervous habit of having to fill the silence. "Gotta love them dreams, right?" she threw out with a wry look.

He just gave a faint nod before letting go of her wrists. She sat up and flexed them out of habit before using her hands to wipe the sweat from her face, wincing slightly when she put a little too much pressure over her healing nose. She then winced again as she brought them down to rest in her lap before looking to where he was still crouched in front of her with a tentative look.

"I didn't hit you, did I?"

"Nah," he watched silently as the relief washed over her face. "Sun's jus' 'bout up. Rick wants everyone up and ready to get movin'."

"Yeah? Great, I'm ready." there was no missing the tonal change in not only her voice, but her entire demeanor at the prospect of getting back on the road at last as she hastily made to stand, only to be stopped by Daryl's hand once again coming to rest on her wrist, remembering all to well how much being grabbed on her upper arms affected her.

"Hey, jus' take it easy fer a minute. We still got some time 'fore we move out."

He reached into his back pocket to hand her the water bottle he had with him. She tried to wave it off but he just held it in front of her, patiently, until she finally grabbed it from him. She unscrewed the top while giving him a somewhat petulant look.

"What? Am I'm still on prison watch or somethin'?"

"No. Jus' don' feel like draggin' yer ass around when you pass out from bein' too stubborn."

She looked at him, almost impressed despite herself. There was a small part that wanted to be irritated, but it was quickly overshadowed by the unexpected amusement. She tilted her head to herself a little as she took a drink.

"Fair enough."

-x-

True to his word, Rick had everyone rounded up and ready to go by the time the sun had risen completely and they were on the road, though not before he sent Bob her way for a quick once over. Luckily, he gave her the all clear. Which was a relief because despite his insistence the day before that they would get moving today no matter what, she wasn't so convinced that Rick wouldn't bench her again if Bob hadn't given the thumb's up. Not only would it have set her off to spend yet another day not looking for Luke - and Beth, for that matter - but she could just imagine how irritated the rest of them would start getting with her for holding them up. She didn't need a group of vexing looks thrown her way all day. No thanks.

Abraham especially was antsy to get on the road. He had his all important mission to attend to and all. She hadn't had too much interaction with him personally, but she knew enough that she didn't want to be the reason his plans were delayed any longer.

Between him and Rick, they made the decision to take the first road they could find and try to get back going north and hopefully find a running car or two.

Tess stayed towards the back of the group, arms crossed over her chest. She had finally come to grips with the fact that, for better or worse, she was indeed a full fledged member of this rag tag group of people now. But, though she had accepted the fact, it didn't change the fact that she didn't know where she fit in just yet. Her instinct, again, was to stick close to Daryl, still going with the theory that she knew him best. But she didn't want to be clinging to the guy's side constantly. Or make him feel like he had to babysit her.

Either Bob or Maggie would be the next best options, but one look at each of them with their respected partners had her throwing that thought away. They finally had each other without an immediate threat around, and she didn't want to intrude on that. And most everyone else were immersed in their own conversations. So, she stuck to the back and found herself alongside Tara, who very much seemed to be feeling a similar sense of displacement. 

"It's like being the new kid in class." Tara threw out, finally breaking the silence between them.

Tess glanced over her way with a look of thankful agreeance that she wasn't the only awkward one trying to blend in.

"Tell me about it."

Any other small talk that might have bloomed between the two was cut short by a sudden yell. A man calling, screaming for help. It was desperate and it was urgent, becoming more and more frantic as the seconds ticked by. But they were all frozen in their spots. The world wasn't that simple anymore that you could just run off to assist a cry for help. It could be anything. It could be anyone. It could easily be a trap. The moral struggle was clear amongst all of them, but it was Carl who broke it.

"Dad, c'mon," he called, before rushing off into the woods towards the cries. "C'mon!"

He didn't wait for any responses, didn't hesitate as Rick called out for him to stop and they were all forced to chase after him. 

They could hear the snarling of the dead before they reached the source of distress. A black man, maybe in his forties and wearing what looked to Tess like a preacher's uniform, was stuck onto a giant boulder surrounded by four walkers who were eagerly trying to get to their source of food.

"Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!" 

Then, without a thought, Carl fired off four shots, expertly taking down each walker before they were even able to fully turn around. Not that any of the rest of them were particularly concerned with that at the moment. They were all tense, much more worried with what the sudden gun shots could bring their way. Not that Tess wasn't incredibly impressed with the kid's bravery to go running into the unknown like he had and his overall gumption, but she was also equally aggravated by what she would consider carelessness. Rick was also clearly exasperated by his son's actions, putting a hand on Carl's still raised arms to get him to lower the gun before quickly scanning the area with the rest of them.

After a few moments he came to the decision that they were clear, but told them all to keep watch anyway. He pushed Carl behind him slightly before taking a small step towards the frightened man, who still seemed to be in a state of shock over his near death.

"Come on down."

The man took a second to collect himself before he slid, ungracefully, off his perch on top of the boulder. They watched him closely as he worked to get his footing, stumbling slightly before finally getting steady and standing straight.

"You okay?" Rick asked, still pinning the stranger with a weary look.

The man looked at him with a shaky smile. "Yes," he started, before immediately bending over and throwing up. Tess turned her head and gagged slightly - her own stomach still feeling weak and never being the type of person who could listen to other people throwing up without getting sick herself - as the rest wore looks of either disgust or pity. When he was done he stood again and wiped his mouth. "Sorry. Yes. Thank you," he stuttered out, still very much shaken. "I'm Gabriel." he introduced.

Rick had other thoughts than exchanging pleasantries though.

"Do you have any weapons on you?"

The man just chuckled as if he had heard a funny joke, causing them all to frown.

"Do I look like I would have any weapons?"

Tess couldn't help the way her brow ticked up some. It was definitely a valid response, if they were going off looks alone.

"We don't give two short and curlies what it looks like." Abraham injected, inserting his dominance in that special brand that only he could pull off.

The jovial smile that Gabriel had been wearing disappeared as he looked at the two men questioning him more seriously.

"I have no weapons of any kind. The word of God is the only protection I need."

Tara and Tess shared a look of disbelief.

God, not one of those.

 "Sure didn't look like it." Daryl quipped.

"I called for help. Help came."

Tess wouldn't deny the fact that the combined looks from the group aimed towards the man would almost be comical, if it wasn't for how utterly ridiculous he sounded.

"Do you have... have any food?" he ventured to ask. "Whatever I... I had left, it just hit the ground."

"We've got some pecans." Carl offered, once again to the displeasure of his father.

"Thank you." Gabriel took the small offering gratefully.

Judith's sudden cooing caught his attention, and he seemed to marvel at the sight of the infant.

"That's a beautiful child. Do you have a camp?"

"No, do you?" Rick shot back.

"I have a church."

Now that definitely caught everyone's attention.

There was a beat of silence before Tess caught the minor hardening of Rick's features.

"Hold your hands above you head." he ordered.

Clearly confused and nervous, Gabriel did as asked.

"How many walkers have you killed?"

The question instantly had Tess flashing back to the day she woke to Daryl and Beth standing over her, wanting answers to the same question. It seemed it was an initiation thing they had developed. A vetting system.

"Not any, actually."

No shit.

 "Turn around." Rick made quick work of patting him down, checking for any hidden weapons as he continued his questioning. "How many people have you killed?"

"None."

"Why?"

"Because the Lord abhors violence."

Rick gave him an appraising look before diving in once again. "What have you done? We've all done something."

Gabriel cast his eyes downward momentarily, then glanced around briefly at all of them before returning to meet Rick's stare.

"I'm a sinner. I sin almost every day. But those sins, I confess them to God, not strangers."

Damn. There was that fifty-fifty split Tess constantly found her state of mind in. Short of the confessing to God part, there was no denying that description fit them all to a T. She knew, and judging by the looks on everyone else's face, they knew it too. However, hearing it come from his mouth had a much more ominous feeling to it.

Rick definitely sensed it. He was giving him that same calculating look he had given her a few nights before, before he started his questioning on her. It was the cop in him shining through. Whatever it was he was thinking, he kept to himself and came to another conclusion.

"You said you had a church?"

-x-

It wasn't a far trek to the church. Gabriel led the way, again chatting easily as if they were all old friends. He answered Rick's questions about if he had been watching them, to which he denied. He claimed he usually didn't go much farther past the stream near his church and that today was the furthest he'd ever gone.

Then he continued talking.

About how it was possible he was lying. That, perhaps, he was just leading them into a trap to steal their squirrels. 

He only made it a few steps before realizing everyone else had stopped in their tracks, grips tightening on whatever weapon they had on them.

He gave them all a sheepish look. "Members of my flock had often told me that my sense of humor leaves much to be desired."

It had been maybe fifteen minutes since they met the guy and he already had Tess' nerves frazzled. She just couldn't figure out what to make of him, other than the fact that he wasn't lying when he explained how he didn't have much of any experience with either walkers or the living. 

He made no fuss though when Rick demanded they be able to take a look around the place first. He gave a nod to everyone to check things out. Tess and Tara stuck together as they checked around the surrounding woods but came up with nothing to report. By the time they got back they learned that there was a short bus belonging to the church that Gabriel said they could have if they wanted, though it didn't run. Abraham, however, was convinced he could have it running within a day or two.

Shelter. Possible transportation. No immediate danger.

All good things.

Which was exactly the problem.

They all knew, from far too much personal experience, what those things usually meant. When things got good, they got bad.

It was the shared consensus amongst the group. Nobody wanted to stay here longer than need be. Well, mostly everyone. Abraham was still vehemently insisting they get moving on to D.C asap, while Michonne reasoned they needed to rest and, more importantly, look for supplies to gather. Abraham made to object but Glenn cut him off, letting him know with finality that no matter what happened, they were following Rick's lead and they were most definitely not splitting up.

Tara gave a nod of her own. "What he said."

Tess gave a shrug when she found herself under Abraham's strong stare, an attempt to get her on his side.

"What she said."

After explaining how he had survived there on his own for so long, Gabriel informed them that there was one last local food bank that had a worthy food supply, but the place was crawling with walkers. Too many for one person to take care of, least of all someone who'd cower just from simply looking at one. 

It was decided on the spot they could handle it, no problem. Rick started giving out instructions to everyone. He, Sasha, Michonne and Bob would head to the food bank to collect the food, and Gabriel would be accompanying them after some gentle coaxing from Rick. He didn't trust the guy, to which Tess didn't blame him one bit, and he wanted him where he could keep eyes on him. Daryl and Carol were sent off to collect water. Glenn, Maggie, Tara and Tess were given the task of checking out a nearby gun store to see if they could scavenge anything while Tyreese would stay back at the church to watch over baby Judith and, after a long talk, Carl would also stay behind to help look after his sister and to keep watch should Gabriel have any friends that could make a surprise visit. All of them somewhat suspicious to different degrees that he was the only living person occupying the church, despite him mentioning his flock beforehand. That left Abraham, Eugene and Rosita to work on the bus.

When they got to the gun supply store, the three woman were convinced before they even went in that it was a waste of time. Guns and ammunition were the first thing, after food, that people were searching for these days, surely a store that wasn't boarded up at all couldn't have anything left to take. But Glenn was the positive voice of the group, claiming you just had to know where to look for things.

They split up, Glenn and Tess taking the front of the store while Maggie and Tara would go along the back. Tess made sure she had her bowie knife strapped to her leg tightly before pulling out the gun she still had from Abraham, checking it quickly and taking the safety off before following Glenn into the store and silently taking the left side of the store when he motioned her to.

She kept an ear out for any sound while scanning the shelves, coming up with nothing. She was just about to turn the corner of the aisle to meet Glenn in the middle of the store when there was a sudden, very loud crash that had her jumping out of her skin at the same time she jumped around the corner, gun raised and ready to fire.

Only to find Glenn in a heap of boxes and a broom on the floor. She instantly dropped her gun and instead raised a hand to her heart. 

He looked up, slightly embarrassed. "Opps."

She looked back with wide eyes. "Opps? Jesus Christ, man! I almost shot you!"

He considered her words for a moment. "Yeah, that would have sucked. But, look what I found."

And with that he held up his hands, three silencers in them. 

Well, how about that.

She helped him up and they made their way out the back door, met by Maggie and Tara with their own guns raised until they saw it was their own people. They asked about the noise and what happened, if they had run into a walker or something. Glenn tried to play it off until Tess gave him a pointed look, making him admit with reluctance that he might have, possibly, tripped over a stack of boxes. And a broom. But he ignored their giggles to proudly show off his find.

"See, I told you. Rule number one of scavenging: There's nothing left in this world that isn't hidden."

Maggie giggled again, looking over Tess and her still clearly spooked demeanor.

"Are you alright?"

Tess just shook her head before starting to walk off.

"God, I miss my xanax." she declared.

-x-

As another unexpected turn of luck, Tess and her group returned to the church not only unharmed but to find that Daryl and Carol had gathered several large jugs of water and Rick and his group had hit the motherload of canned foods. Several carts worth. And, to top it off, Abraham and the others were, in fact, successful in resurrecting the bus. It was all just too good not to take advantage of and celebrate the first bout of good fortune any of them had had in too long. Food was passed out and Gabriel, who Tess couldn't help but notice seemed to be off in his own world since returning from the food run, allowed them to dip in the communion wine.

It was a literal eat, drink and be merry atmosphere. Even Tess couldn't deny the shimmer of hope floating in her chest. Maybe things really were turning around.

She was sitting next to Tara, Glenn and Maggie across from them and Daryl not too far off to her right. She was perfectly content with her can of baked beans when the wine was passed Glenn's way. He took a drink before passing it to Maggie, she too taking a few small sips before allowing Tara to do the same. She handed the bottle to Tess but she just passed it right along to Daryl, only ever resorting to drinking when she was in a really dark place. Daryl took the bottle gladly, taking a healthy gulp which surprised Tess. She wouldn't have pegged him for a wine guy.

Never judge a book by its cover.

 She heard her grandfather's voice echo in her head before the bottle of wine was shoved back in front of her face. She looked over to Daryl, impatiently waiting for her to take the offering.

"No thanks, I'm good."

Apparently he did not agree, if him shoving the bottle so far into her face that she had to pull away a bit to avoid being hit by it. And, apparently, her other three eating companions also did not agree, if the heavily expectant looks being sent her way were anything to go by. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the bottle with a huff.

"I swear, the peer pressure with you all."

"Learn to love it, babe." Tara replied.

Tess took as small a sip as possible, wincing at the taste the instance it hit her tongue.

"Gaaaah." she pushed the bottle back into Maggie's hands as if the bottle would suddenly explode, not missing their amused chuckles. There was even a small snort from Daryl.

"Lightweight." Maggie teased.

All other chatter in the room died down when Abraham suddenly rose, cup of wine in hand.

"I'd like to propose a toast."

Everyone looked towards him, giving their full attention.

"I look around this room, and I see survivors. Each and every one of you has earned that title. To the survivors. Cheers!"

There was a collective 'cheers' from everyone and Tess actually found herself fighting a smile. It was kind of cheesy, this big ol' happy group celebration. But, also, nice.

Only problem was, he wasn't quite done with his speech yet.

"Is that all you want to be?" he posed.

That question had everyone once again looking towards him, this time in curious confusion.

"Wake up in the mornin', fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night with two eyes open, rinse and repeat? 'Cause you can do that. I mean, you got the strength. You got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, that's just surrender. Now, we get Eugene to Washington and he will make the dead die and the living will have this world again," he glanced around the room, making sure to make eye contact with all of them. "And that is not a bad takeaway for a little road trip."

He proceeded to talk a bit more still after that, asking Eugene to explain what was waiting in Washington, how they could finally hit the reset button on the world and save it. Save it for themselves, for the ones they had lost along the way and, most importantly, save it for the little one. Judith.

Tess admitted to herself that it was smart, using the baby as incentive, but had mostly checked out of the proposal. It didn't matter how good what he was selling sounded, she wasn't going. They weren't going. It had already been agreed upon. Their current focus was to find Beth and...

"What was that?" Rick asked with a small laugh at his daughter's interrupting gurgling. "I think she knows what I'm about to say. She's in. If she's in, I'm in."

Wait, what?

Tess could feel her face growing tighter as the dread began to sink in, quickly.

"We're in."

There was another round of cheers of agreement, a new sense of hope and joy filling the room. Had she had the mind to really observe her surroundings, she would have noticed that there were two other people who weren't exactly buzzing with excitement the way the others were, but she was too busy sinking into the black hole that suddenly opened up below her.

No no no no no.

The people around her seemed oblivious when she quickly stood and went to go outside, but there were too many people blocking the path so she instead made her way to one of the back rooms, shutting the door behind her and taking a seat at the desk in the room, resting her elbows on the surface and snaking her hands through her hair. She closed her eyes as she felt the hard pound of her heart beating against the inside of her chest, urging herself not to have a full on meltdown.

Her racing thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open. She glanced up to see Daryl entering, slowly, as he shut the door behind him. She immediately started shaking her head at him.

"No. No, I can't...I'm not goin' to Washington. I..." she had to pause for a second, able to hear the way her voice shook like she was trying to talk and hold her breath at the same time. "I...I am so grateful for everything you've done, everything you've all done for me, but if this is the plan, if ya'll are goin' to D.C, then...this is my stop. This is where I get off the train." she finished, no room for argument.

He watched her silently, in that same way he had back at the funeral home. The silence was near deafening and Tess felt the need to get up and start pacing when he finally spoke up.

"I said we'd find 'em, didn' I?" 

The words paused the panic some.

"An' we will. Even if s' jus' you an' me. We can meet up with the others later on if need be, but we ain't leavin' Georgia 'til we got 'em back. Both of 'em."

And there it was again. The determination in his eyes. The absolute certainty that they were each getting their people back. The promise that neither one of them would stop until they did.

It took her breath away in a completely different way. A wave of relief so strong she couldn't fight back the few tears already slipping down. She took another shaky breath.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Chapter Text

Mercifully - to whatever may have been left of her pride and ego at that point - Daryl left pretty quickly after the promise of not leaving Georgia with the others to give her a few minutes to regather herself, not before letting her know that he'd talk to Rick when he was able to get him privately. It was almost embarrassing, the amount of times she'd been a crying mess in front of him in the week or so she'd known him. She couldn't help it though. The very idea of leaving the area, let alone the entire state before finding Luke was so far off her radar of understanding that even thinking about it now, knowing they weren't going to had her blood rushing again. Not only that though, the thought of not being with the group anymore was also, unexpectedly, anxiety inducing. It seemed, even in the small amount of time she had known them and the smaller amount of time she had spent actually interacting with most of them, she still managed to attach herself to the idea of being a part of it. A part of them. She'd forgotten how nice it could be to have people around her again. Good people.

Tess sniffed a few times before wiping her face and standing to walk around the room, an effort to clear out the jitters before going back to the main room. Suddenly feeling too warm, she took off the long sleeve button up she still had from Bob, leaving her in just the t-shirt she had had since the funeral home. She rummaged through the desk drawers and was able to find a rubber band that she used to pull her hair back. She had been keeping it mostly on the shorter side since the beginning of things, not wanting to deal with the hassle of controlling the rat's nest it would surely become without being able to take regular showers or even having a brush to use. It was at a point where the length was between her chin and shoulders, but the curly nature still made it unruly. She put it in a loose ponytail, just enough to keep it out of her face. She took a few extra rubber bands and put them around her wrist.

Always nice to have extras.

She walked to the door and reached for the handle before stopping herself. She could still hear the happy chatter from the other side and it paused her movements. She wasn't quite back in the mood yet to be surrounded by the joyful celebrating, and was even less in the mood to pretend she was. She turned around instead, leaning against the closed door. She laid her palms flat against the wood, tapping her fingertips a few times. An old and faithful nervous tick. She glanced around the room again, hoping to find something to distract herself with. There wasn't much of anything besides a few bookcases and the desk she had already been through during her hunt for rubber bands. Her eyes finally landed on a small collection of photos on the side wall. She walked over to take a better look, finding several group photos of the same people that she could only assume were Gabriel's flock.

His old flock, that is to say.

It was a detail she was sure she wasn't the only one thinking about, despite no one else seeming to address the fact just yet.

How had he come to be all alone here? For so long?

Raised voices from the other room interrupted her musings, drawing her attention. She frowned to herself, wondering what could have changed the atmosphere so quickly as she walked back to the door and let herself out. She was met by a clearly distressed and very angry Sasha pulling a gun on Gabriel, demanding to know who was watching them and where their people were.

The hell?

Gabriel was a quaking mess, insisting he knew nothing and had nothing to do with anyone as Rick and Tyreese were momentarily able to put a little space between the preacher and Sasha before Rick then took over the questioning. More calmly, but also more intimidatingly. Tess quietly made her way to stand near Tara as she listened to Rick ask about the message left for Gabriel, about how he would 'burn for this' and about the lady at the food bank, probing for an answer as to just what it was he had done to her.

"What's goin' on?" she whispered to Tara when she reached her side.

Tara slid nervous eyes over to her. "Bob's missing. Carol and Daryl too."

"What?" she asked sharply.

She didn't think she had been in that room for longer than maybe  twenty minutes, how was it that three of them had managed to go missing in that time with no one noticing? But any response from Tara was cut off by Gabriel's unexpected cries.

"I lock the doors at night...I always lock the doors at night. I always..." he broke off into small sobs, gradually becoming stronger as he explained how his congregation had come to him seeking refuge after the bombing of Atlanta, and how he had refused them entry. Left them all, women, children, entire families to fall victim to the swarm of walkers who had come for them due to the amount of noise their desperate cries for help had caused. He finished by falling to his knees, claiming that God had now sent Rick and the others to punish him to his damnation.

You could have heard a pin drop at the moment as they all gazed upon the broken man, trying to digest his confession and what it ultimately meant for the rest of them.

It was why they were able to hear the whistling so clearly.

They all turned to the sound, on edge as Glenn made his way to peek out one of the front windows.

"There's something, there's someone outside lying in the grass."

Sasha was the first to move, closely followed by Rick and Tyreese with Glenn on their heels. Tess had just made it to the door with Tara in time to hear Sasha crying out Bob's name and watching as they quickly worked to get his unconscious form up and back into the church before the new group of walkers surrounding them got too close. Both women jumped when gunshots started ringing out from the woods, taking out the walkers as Rick blindly fired off a few rounds into the trees at the unknown presence.

It was now official. That feeling of being watched hadn't been simple paranoia.

-x-

 Whoever came up with the expression 'Things can't get any worse' was an idiot. When things got bad, they only tended to get worse.

They were perfect examples of that fact.

When Bob came to inside the church, it was only to reveal bad news and then even more bad news.

It was Gareth and five other survivors from Terminus that had been watching and following them. They were also the ones responsible for Bob's now missing leg but, apparently, not for Carol and Daryl's disappearance. And, after refusing any kind of pain relief they might have to offer, he then revealed the damning walker bite to his shoulder.

Tess felt the migraine mounting as she half heartedly watched the standoff between Rick and Abraham break out. Rick wanted to go after Gareth and the others, end things once and for all. Abraham, on the other hand, was having none of that. He insisted they needed to get on their way to D.C pronto, not willing to keep Eugene's safety at risk in an increasingly hostile environment. Rick let him know with no uncertainty that, if nothing else, Carol and Daryl were out there still and would be back and they were not leaving them behind. For anything. To which Abraham gave his respects to the decision, but made one of his own that he and his original people would be going their separate ways. Things really got heated when Rick asked if they would be leaving on foot, an indication that he had no plans to let them take the bus. The bus that, in Abraham's opinion, was rightfully theirs as they were the ones that fixed it.

Two alpha males standing their ground, refusing to give up dominance.

She was positive things were about to get physical when Glenn finally stepped between the two men, Tara adding her voice in an attempt to defuse the mounting tension. Tess just watched on still, now in silent disbelief as they started using each other to bargain with. Before she could fully grasp what was actually being said, things seemed to be settled. Over Rick's abject refusal, Glenn agreed that he and Maggie, along with Tara, would join Abraham, Rosita and Eugene to D.C on the condition that they give them just half a day to help take care of Gareth and his remaining followers.

So, not only was Bob dying with two members of their group still missing out there along with a vengeful group who wanted all of their heads lurking, but now come this time tomorrow the people - besides Daryl - that she had the most success connecting to thus far would be gone. It was funny how earlier in the evening the idea of not being around the group for a period of time while her and Daryl stayed behind to keep searching for Luke and Beth hadn't fazed her too much, but now, hearing the fact set in stone that even some of them would soon be gone felt like such a momentous loss.

It also, with remorse, had negative thoughts about Maggie creeping in. She tried to squash them before they could take root. After all, she knew the younger woman was only trying to help in keeping the peace between the two groups, but she just couldn't get over how...easily of a time Maggie seemed to have with leaving. She hadn't quite caught onto the fact earlier - too consumed over the idea of leaving an area Luke could still be in - but now that she was thinking of it, she didn't get it. Beth was still out there as well. Wasn't that more important? Wouldn't her sister's life be more of a concern than placating some brute's needs and wants?

Tess checked out completely as plans started to be made about going after Gareth, walking dejectedly back towards Gabriel's office that he had offered up to Sasha as a place where Bob could lay to rest. She stood by the door a moment, watching on as Sasha gently tended to Bob. She bumped her knuckles on the door lightly to signal her arrival, catching her attention.

"Hey...is there anything I can...do?" she asked hesitantly, feeling foolish for even bothering when they both were keenly aware of the inevitable.

Sasha looked as if she were about to refuse when her eyes caught on something over Tess' shoulder. Tess turned to see Tyreese standing behind her, seeking a word with his sister. Sasha walked towards the door, handing Tess a wet wash cloth when she reached her.

"Just, try to keep his fever down?" she asked quietly.

Tess nodded and watched as the two stepped outside the door to talk amongst themselves more privately before making her way to sit in the chair by Bob's side. She dipped the wash cloth in the bowel of water on the small side table and wrung it out before softly wiping it over his face and resting it across his forehead. His eyelids fluttered before opening and he cracked a small smile when he took in her presence.

"My my, how the tables have turned." he joked.

"Lucky for you it's just a temporary reprieve."

He kept the smile on his face as he tilted his head towards the door when Sasha's voice raised slightly over something.

"Think they're talking about me?"

She kept her eyes on the door as the voices returned to murmurs. "Think it's a small possibility, yeah."

She could probably work on her bedside manner.

She felt his hand on her arm then.

"Hey now, no need for you to be doing that, either." he scolded lightly.

"Do what?" she asked as she brought her eyes back to his.

"Start acting like it's the end. It's not over yet, and it's not over at all for you."

Sure is feelin' like it.

"After all, you still got your boy to find, don't you?"

She allowed the doubt to sink in again at that. Allowed her fear to settle in the pit of her stomach and, in the quiet moment between just herself and Bob, she allowed herself to voice them out loud for the first time.

"What if...what if there's nothin' to find?"

He simply waved off her concerns.

"Well now, I don't believe that."

"You don't, huh?" she asked, doing nothing to hide her dubious tone.

"No ma'am, not at all."

"Feelin' pretty sure of yourself, are ya?"

"Yup. Sure am."

She let out a small, bitter huff of air. 

"And what makes you so sure?"

"Simple. You got Daryl. Best tracker in the game."

"Yeah, but we don't even know -"

"Gareth said him and Carol took off in the car in a hurry. They were going after something."

Her brows came together some. "...You think it was them?"

"Can you think of any other reason he would just take off out of the blue like that?"

No. No she couldn't. Not when he was just as hell bent on finding Beth as she was on finding Luke. Not when it was his idea only an hour or so beforehand to stay behind, away from his own people to stay with her as long as it took. Not when it was...Daryl. Which shouldn't have carried such weight for her but, somehow, did.

"No." she finally replied.

"Exactly. And I've known the guy a lot longer than you have. Trust me, he wouldn't just leave for nothing."

-x-

Tyreese came back in shortly after, alone. He explained that Rick, along with Sasha, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Tara and Abraham would be departing soon to go after the Terminites, leaving himself, Tess, Rosita, Eugene, Gabriel, Carl and Judith to stay behind along with Bob. Rick gave a full rundown of the plan back out in the main room before giving out instructions to those staying behind and making sure they were locked in the room before he and his group left.

Tess couldn't stop her knees from bouncing nervously. She felt like such a sitting duck, even with her knife and gun at the ready. And the waiting was making it worse.

The sudden creaking noise of the front doors opening took care of that problem though.

She silently rose from her seat, keeping her eyes trained on the door separating them from whoever was entering and, in a move she was completely unaware of, she placed herself slightly in front of Carl who was holding a sleeping Judith. 

"Well, I guess you know we're here."

She forced herself to maintain her ground as she saw Tyreese and Rosita silently creep up out of her peripheral and hold their respective weapons at the ready.

"And we know you're here. And we're armed. So there's really no point in hiding anymore. We've been watching you. We know who's here. There's Bob, unless you've put him out of his misery already."

Her eyes flicked over towards Bob for a second before falling back on the door as Gareth continued to name each and every one of them before telling them how they were aware of the fact that Rick and the others walked out with the majority of their weapons. Tess had to fight against the chill his words sent down her spine and, judging by the way both Tyreese and Rosita tensed up, they were having the same feeling. It was weird, they already knew they were being watched but to actually have it narrated to you was unnerving.

In the ensuing silence they could actually hear Gareth's irritated sigh.

"Listen, we don't know where you all are, but this isn't a big place. So let's just stop this now before things get more painful than they need to be."

A moment's pause before the unmistakable sound of a door knob being jiggled.

"Look, you're behind one of these two doors and we have more than enough firepower to take down both. Can't imagine that's what you all want."

Tess felt her heart start to hammer more when he decided to take another approach.

"How about the priest? Father, you help us wrap this up, we'll let you walk away from this. Just open the door and you can go. You can take the baby with you. What do you say?"

Unfortunately, it was Judith herself who had something to say about the matter.

Her sudden cries were like a giant neon arrow over their heads, pointing right to them.

"I don't know. Maybe we'll keep the kid. I'm starting to like this girl."

The newfound glee in his voice was hard to miss as Tess turned to see Carl urgently trying to get his sister to calm down, coming over and laying her hand over the baby's head in a desperate attempt to fight a losing battle. She didn't miss the mess of a state Eugene was in and how closely Gabriel seemed to be behind him and wondered how much longer they'd be able to hold out.

"It's your last chance right now to tell us you're coming out. Are we done? We'll hit the hinges."

The distinct sound of silenced gun shots and two bodies hitting the floor was a welcomed relief, and Rick's low voice demanding they lower their guns to the floor was music to her ears.

Gareth made an attempt to threaten Rick into submission by insisting they would fire their way into the room but was cut off by another silenced shot that must have hit him somewhere, if his cries of pain were any indication.

"Put your guns on the floor and kneel."

Those still in the room listened on as he tried appealing to Rick's moral side, insisting that they were good people too, once, helping people and saving people before the others came and wiped out the majority of them. He made one last plea, begged Rick to just let them walk away and they would never see them again.

But Rick was searching for finality.

"I already made you a promise."

Gareth's 'No!' was the last distinguishable thing to be heard before it was all screams and groans mixing together in a symphony of pain and agony. Again, without truly being aware of her movements, Tess turned away from the door, pushing Carl with Judith still in his arms towards the corner of the room. She just shook her head somewhat when she caught his questioning look, lightly stroking Judith's head again to distract herself from the sounds of brutality coming from behind the door.

She stayed in place even after the quiet filtered in through the small room again. Even after Tyreese slowly opened the door only to be stunned silent by what he saw. Even after Gabriel's whimpers about this being the Lord's house, just to be met with Maggie's harsh reply.

"No. It's just four walls and a roof."

-x-

Carl wasn't a dumb kid. He knew exactly what kind of sight awaited outside the office just as well as Tess did. But even with how much she had seen him try to insert himself into the main action of anything going on since first meeting him in that train car, he humored her by staying behind in the room with her and a once again sleeping Judith while the others helped clean up. She didn't know if it was just because she held him back when he initially tried to leave or his father's approving look of the choice when he came in to check on his kids. Or, maybe, it was neither of those things. Maybe she just wasn't keeping her cool as well as she thought she had been and he was simply taking pity on her. Either way, he stayed.

Why add more onto the pile of horrors any of them had already seen if they didn't have to, she figured.

The next morning, when it was all said and done and the bodies had been cleared out, everyone gathered by Bob's side, saying their final goodbyes.

When Tess' turn came she felt like there was so much to say to him but had no clue as to how to properly express any of it. She instead went with the easiest, simplest of ways. Grabbing his hand tightly, she blinked away the slight blurriness creeping in on her vision.

"Thank you, for everything."

He shot her that same reassuring smile that had almost been a permanent staple since she first encountered him.

"My pleasure," he gave a weak tug on her own hand, drawing her down a little closer to him so he could speak a bit more softly to her. "Just remember, you still got work to do."

She gave him a small, watery smile in return, taking a moment before leaning in the remainder of the way to lay a quick kiss to his cheek.

She turned before she even fully stood again, knowing she wouldn't make having another look at his dying face. Serene and accepting as it was. She left the room with Rick being the last one to have his final words with the man and took a seat on one of the front pews. A few minutes later she watched Rick walk out with Judith in his arms, looking to be in contemplative thought as he passed by Sasha, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder in passing before she entered the room to spend whatever precious few moments she had left with the man she loved. Not more than ten minutes later she watched as Tyreese, who had been standing just outside the doorway, walked in after his sister and Tess had to imagine it only meant one thing. 

It was over.

A few moments later a crying Sasha quickly exited the room, leaving Tyreese behind, alone. Tess' curiosity got the best of her and she slowly made her way back to the doorway, glancing inside to find Tyreese standing over Bob's dead body, holding the knife Sasha had given him the night before should Bob had died before they made it back. She saw the way the hand holding the knife started shaking as he prepared to put his friend down for good. Her feet were carrying her over to him before she could think about it. She tenderly rested a hand on the large man's arm, gaining his attention. When his face snapped over to hers, she slowly moved to delicately take the knife from his hands, an act that he only somewhat fought against but ended up conceding to when she didn't loosen her hold.

"It's ok," she said with a small nod of her head. "You don't have to."

He watched her face closely for a minute, a few errant tears slipping down his own when she had the knife fully in her grasp. He nodded once, patting her arm appreciatively before finally stepping back to go join his sister.

Tess waited til he was out of the room before turning back to Bob. She shook her head quickly before her own tears could start up again, took a deep breath and swiftly slid the knife through the temple. Ending his life for good.

-x-

Later on that day, after Bob's body was buried, they all gathered to say their goodbyes to the now departing members off to D.C, Abraham giving Rick a map with the route they planned on taking there and Rick promising that once Daryl and Carol returned they'd be following behind. Tess took the time to say goodbye to Tara and Glenn, and - despite her still inability to understand how Maggie could be leaving without a fuss - she gave her a tight hug too, with a whispered promise that they would get Beth back. Maggie responded only by squeezing Tess a little tighter before pulling back and parting with a smile.

Later on in the evening, Tess made her way outside to stand on the porch, badly needing a moment to just breathe in some fresh air and have a second to collect herself. She passed Gabriel on her way out who had just come in himself, looking every bit a broken man. When she made it outside she was met by Michonne, who was already standing out there inspecting her newly reacquired katana sword closely. She looked behind her to find Tess standing in the doorway.

"Sorry," Tess said more out of habit than anything. "Not intrudin', am I?"

Michonne just gave a small smile. "Not at all."

Tess closed the doors behind her and came to stand next to her, bending to rest both elbows on the porch railing and letting out a decompressing sigh. They stood in comfortable silence for a bit before Michonne gave a sigh of her own.

"Rough day, huh?" Michonne asked her with a sideways glance.

Tess nodded. "Yeah, rough day."

They resumed their own individual musings when the oddly peaceful quiet was interrupted by rustling coming from the woods. They both went tense and rigid, Michonne tightening her grip on her sword and Tess' hand dropping to grab hold of the gun she was fastly growing more accustomed to as they walked side by side down the stairs, Tess stopping at the bottom when Michonne motioned for her to stay at the ready while she crept closer towards the tree line, only to stop and smile when it was Daryl who stepped through. Tess felt her own relieved smile grace her face at the sight of him, seemingly unharmed.

But then Michonne looked behind him slightly before looking back to him.

"Where's Carol?"

Daryl looked at both of them, Tess noticing a particular look he seemed to be giving her before looking back over his shoulder towards the trees.

"S'alright. You can come out now." he instructed to an unknown person.

Both women listened to more leaves rustling before a young black kid, who couldn't have been any older than maybe eighteen, nineteen at most emerged from the cover of the woods.

Not just him though. He had his hands on the shoulders of yet another person. Another boy.

Luke.

Chapter Text

Then

Never say never.

That was one of her grandfather's many favorite quotes he liked to use on the regular. So, in theory, Tess should have known better than to test it. But she did. She had told herself countless times that, even when she was going through the worst of it, she would never feel nearly as lost in this new world as she had in those beginning days actually out in it after first leaving her grandfather's hunting cabin.

Well, never say never.

Because now she was pacing nervously around the little cave she had been staying in the last three days, with her new traveling partner, trying to figure out just what the hell to do. She had carried him back there last night after leaving the small drug store, his little arms and legs still clutched around her from the second she had embraced him in that dingy bathroom. He never said a word, or even made so much as a single peep the entire time but she didn't put much thought into it at the time. Not only had this poor kid seen God only knew what in his time out there before meeting her, but now his mom was dead. A fact that he was very clearly aware of. She had seen it in his eyes back in that bathroom. He was much too perceptive than a kid his age had any right to be, or should have to be.

So, she didn't push things. She knew he was in some state of shock and she didn't have the ability to talk him out of it. She made a few meager attempts at conversation, asking his name, how old he was, favorite color, things of that nature. But she gave up pretty quickly when all she was getting in return was that unblinking stare that felt like it was going straight through her. So she took the few thin blankets she had and made him a little bed as best she could and gave him an old hoodie she still had for him to use as a pillow and told him he needed to try to get some sleep, promising she'd be right there when he woke up when she saw the minor fear enter his eyes.

When his small body finally gave out to the exhaustion she kept her mind busy by going through the contents of his little backpack. It included three changes of clothes and a jacket, a few packs of old gummy candies, a large water bottle still mostly filled, a little yellow hankie and the old walkman and headphones he had been using when she first discovered him. Along with two cassette tapes. The Louis Armstrong one she found him listening to and one of Aerosmith. She pulled a face at the find. Louis Armstrong she could get behind, in a pinch. But Aerosmith? Not a choice she would make for herself. The only thing in the whole bag that gave her any help was the emergency contact card that was tucked into the back pocket on the inside. From that she learned his name was Luke Walton, son of Patricia and Samuel Walton, was five years of age and hailed from Grantville in Coweta County, GA. His grandparents were the ones who were to be contacted in case of an emergency situation. Surely, Tess thought, those poor folks were long gone.The last find was of a wrinkled up photo in one of the side pockets. It was a family photo, a toddler aged Luke being held by his mother - the woman she had put down earlier - and of a handsome man, his father she could only assume, looking to be about the same age as his mother standing behind the both of them, arms wrapped tightly around his wife's waist.

It wasn't much of a stretch to assume he, too, was long gone.

She never fell asleep, too wound up over her new charge duties to even think about it. When he eventually rose himself shortly after the sun did she watched as he started looking expectantly around the cave, looking for someone, she could tell, and felt her heart break a little when he came up empty in his search.

She had jumped into action quickly after that, trying anything she could think of to distract him. She tried to get him to eat a little something, which he refused. She tried asking him simple questions again, but he still wouldn't utter a single word. She tried to get him to listen to his music and that ended up being the mistake. As soon as he saw the Aerosmith tape his eyes instantly welled up and he began to silently cry.

Which is what led her to her current state of pacing.

She had first tried a few lousy attempts at consoling him, but it was pointless. Despite once upon a time dreams of wanting to become a mother in another life, she had no real experience with kids or how to deal with them. Let alone one who just went through something so utterly traumatic. Seeing him in such a state of distress was killing her though, so she was fervently racking her brain for anything she could use to help.

Like always, it was her grandfather who came through to help.

She started thinking of all the stories he used to read to her as a little girl, and though Peter Rabbit was her favorite he also used to read her a lot of Winnie the Pooh books. They had been her mother's favorite when she was a kid. It was one of the only things she and her mother ever had in common. 

One thing in particular started flashing in her mind. Something she thought his little brain might be able to process better than any words she could come up with on her own. Something she thought maybe, just maybe, might be able to get through to him enough to at least settle him down a little.

She stopped her pacing to look at him full on before slowly making her way over to him, him watching her every step of the way. She sat down cross legged in front of him, studied his face for a few moments while he did the same before taking a breath.

"Look, kid, I um..." she hesitated, not even wanting to bring it up but having to to get to her point. "I'm so, so sorry about your mom, and I uh, I know you're missin' her and I know that's somethin' that's never gonna go away," she watched tears start to come faster and tried to speed up some. "But I do know one thing. I know she's watchin' over you now, like an angel, and I...I know she would be very proud of you, for bein' so brave."

She felt the urge to touch him then, with no real idea as to why. She brushed his hair away a little, let her index finger run down his cheek somewhat before using both thumbs to wipe away some of his tears.

"And, um, even though you probably don't feel like it, I know how...how lucky you are. How lucky you've been to have somethin' that makes sayin' goodbye so hard."

When the silence continued she started second guessing her choice. Maybe that hadn't been the best approach. Maybe it wasn't as child friendly or comforting as she thought it might be. Hearing the words out loud, she wasn't sure now why she thought they would soften the blow any.

But then he moved. With somewhat unsure movements, he crawled into her lap and laid his head on her shoulder, clutching his little yellow hankie in one hand and her shirt in the other.

It would be the first sign that made her think she could possibly do this.

Now

It's one thing to hear the expression. Another to hear other people talk about it. But to actually experience it yourself? There were no words to describe it.

The world, Tess' world, literally stopped.

She could see Luke. Right there. Right there in front of her. And the world stopped.

She couldn't feel anything. Not the slight chill in the night air or the light breeze blowing by. 

She couldn't hear anything. Not the sound of rustling leaves or the nighttime critters singing their lullabies. 

She couldn't see anything. Not the surrounding woods or the other three people in front of her.

Just Luke. Just the tunnel vision that led straight and directly to Luke.

It was the longest five seconds of her life.

Then the world started again and she felt only minorly dizzy when it all fast forwarded the few seconds to catch up again. By then she had dropped the gun she had been holding and shot off towards him, sliding roughly to her knees in front of him and wrapped her arms around him in a death grip with a sob filled with more emotion than anything she had ever emitted before in her life.

Back. He was back and he was safe. 

She pulled back just enough without having to loosen her hold on him to really look him over. There was a somewhat nasty looking scrape on his right cheek, but other than that he appeared fine. Physically. She couldn't begin to guess what his emotional state might be like, but considering the happy smile he was giving her she was hoping that whatever it was he had been through in the past few days wasn't too traumatizing, or at least wouldn't leave too much of a scarring effect.

She let out another sob, smaller, happier this time before looking up to Daryl standing above her with knitted brows.

"How?" she asked him breathlessly.

"Beth," he stated simply before nodding over towards the young newcomer with him. "An' Noah here."

In another bout of speed no one ever thought she was capable of until they witnessed it first hand, she sprung up from her place on the ground and hurled herself at Noah, throwing her arms around his neck and nearly bowling the poor kid over with the force of the move and also from being unaware of his bum leg.

"Thank you thank you thank you." she whispered over and over again.

Then, without any thought or premeditation, she promptly turned and flung her arms around Daryl's waist, beginning to repeat the same mantra to him when the last little bit of coherency she had was just able to pick up how instantly rigid his entire body went at the sudden contact, causing her to let go immediately before falling back to the floor and gathering Luke back in her arms. Just as tightly, terrified that he might vanish right in front of her again if she didn't have a hold on him. She had one arm around his shoulders and the other hand pressing his head to her shoulder.

"I got ya. I got ya, I got ya," is what she kept repeating to him now, pulling back again so she could place her hands on either side of his face as her relieved, joyful tears kept coming. "I missed you so, soo much big guy."

He smiled bigger, nodding along and leaning in to kiss her cheek to show he returned the sentiment. 

Michonne came to her side then, crouching down next to her with a warm smile on her face.

"And who's this handsome fellow?" she asked, despite already knowing the answer.

Tess looked over at her with a watery smile.

"This," she had to stop for a second to let out a small laugh that still held notes of disbelief that this was really happening. "This is Luke," she turned back to look at him, grabbing one of his hands. "Luke, this is Michonne. She's uh, she's a new friend of mine. A new friend of ours. In fact, we've got a lot of new friends for you to meet."

Michonne held out her own hand with that same warm, gentle smile.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you Luke."

He smiled back as he shook her hand.

It was when Tess heard the church doors open and looked over to see Rick and the others start to pile out to investigate what all the commotion was about, saw the curiosity and realization begin to settle in one by one on their faces that reality sunk in again and her own bout of realization hit her. Hard.

"Wait," she looked to Daryl, briefly to Noah then back Daryl with a troubled frown. "Where are Beth and Carol?"

He bypassed her and looked straight to Rick who had made his way over to them.

"We need ta talk."

-x-

Naturally, there was still plenty of shit to sort through. There were still some problems they had to address so Tess stood off to the side with Luke, introducing him to Carl and Judith - who were standing with her - properly and then quietly pointing out each of the remaining adults on the other side of room and telling him just their names and a little bit about each one for now until they had the time to have real introductions.

He seemed particularly fascinated by baby Judith. It seemed even at the tender age of roughly six now, he too found the amazement of a baby being around in this world.

As she kept them occupied Daryl spent the time informing Rick and the others - save for Gabriel, who was merely sitting on one of the front pews staring off into space - just what was going on.

He and Carol had taken off after seeing the black car with the white cross that had taken Beth and Luke in the first place and followed behind, eventually finding themselves in Atlanta and discovering the car belonged to an officer but were unable to continue following because their car had run out of gas. After holing up for the night they spent the next morning searching around the city to try to figure out where the man in the car headed and ended up being confronted by Noah, who attempted to steal their weapons and was even successful in doing so until Daryl caught sight of Luke peeking out from his hiding place inside a nearby garbage can. It was then a fight ensued, Daryl able to overpower the boy and demanding to know how he came to be with the boy and what he knew of Beth. Once it was clear they were all, basically, on the same side the real story came out.

There was a group of officers who had taken over the area and were running out of Grady Memorial Hospital, all led by a woman named Dawn. Apparently, they took in injured survivors they came across, would nurse them back to health and then keep them around to work off their 'debts'. It was essentially a type of slave trade system. Noah had been there for a few months before Beth and Luke were brought in. After telling Beth about his home in Richmond, VA, a walled in community he was trying to get back to, the two of them devised the plan to escape. With Noah's distraction, Beth was able to swipe the spare key to the elevator shaft they could use to get down to the ground level undetected and exit out the back. But after injuring his leg during a fall he'd taken partway down the shaft, Beth was left to mostly fight off the swarming walkers in the hospital's parking lot on her own as she sent Luke ahead with Noah, insisting he get the little boy out of harm's way. He got them to the fence, hastily pushing the both of them through which was the cause of the scrape on Luke's cheek. He turned back to then help Beth through, only to see her get tackled to the ground by one of the officers. Going off her yelled instructions and encouraged by her victorious smile, he took Luke and got them out of there as fast as he could. It was the next morning he ran into Daryl and Carol.

After being told that they would need a lot of people and fire power to overtake the remaining members at the hospital, Daryl let him know they had both back at the church and they were just on their way back when Carol was run down by a car, then taken by the Grady Memorial people. That was when the three of them made their way back to the church and came to be where they were now.

After Rick gave a quick recap of his own of the things that had happened while they were gone, plans were quickly made on what to do next. 

A group consisting of Rick, Daryl, Sasha and Tyreese would take off back to Atlanta on a rescue mission, along with Noah since he was so familiar with the hospital and the people running it. Plus the area in general. Michonne and Tess would stay back at the church with the children and Gabriel.

Before leaving they all, with the exception of Tess after Rick insisted she only needed to worry about enjoying her reunion with Luke for now, worked quickly to strip down the church and use the varying materials to board up the windows and doors - once they left - and used the splintered wood from the broken down pews and organ pipes to barricade the doorway from the outside. Gabriel watched the destruction of his church with dismay before focusing his attention on obsessively trying to clean up some of the blood stains soaked into the wooden floors from the massacre two nights before.

Before leaving, Rick walked over to the ones staying behind, telling Carl to watch out for his sister - and ignoring his son's slight pout at not being allowed to go - and telling Michonne and Tess to keep a close eye on Gabriel, and of course his kids, to which both women nodded. He took one extra moment to bend down to Luke's level.

"I'm Rick. I've heard a lot about you from your mom here, I can't wait to get back and get to know you better." he told him.

Luke, again that morning, nodded along excitedly. He had, after all, just recently learned that the man was a cop a little while earlier. Something that clearly delighted him.

With one last parting smile to Luke and the rest of them, he was off with the others.

Once again, the waiting game began.

-x-

Even with the massive calming effect having Luke back by her side was having on her, Tess was still finding herself quickly losing her patience with Gabriel. She got it, boy did she get it. He felt tremendous, unimaginable guilt over what he had done to his flock of followers and after spending so much time hiding in his mostly untouched corner of the woods, he was truly stunned by the violence he had witnessed in such a short amount of time. But, still.

It took a decent amount of willpower to keep her mouth shut when, after Carl smartly told him to choose a weapon so they could start teaching him how to defend himself better, he compared them to being the same as Gareth and his group. To Tess' ears, it almost sounded like he was implying they may even be worse when they still took them out even after Gareth had said they would leave and just go. But she watched on impressed as the young Grimes boy explained how lucky he was that he and his church had managed to last that long to begin with. About how you couldn't stay in one place for too long anymore and once you were out there, there would be no such thing as hiding anymore and he would have to know how to fight.

She was blown away, not for the first time, with the kid's maturity. However, it didn't mean she wasn't wearing the same troubled look Michonne wore at the mere fact that he had to be so battle hardened.

He eventually picked out a machete, allowing Carl to show him a few basic defense moves before declaring he needed to lay down for a while, heading off to his office and shutting the door behind him. A short time later Michonne attempted to check on him, see if he was feeling any better. She even tried to piggyback off of Carl's earlier words, that the things they do are worth it to keep their family safe. He mostly brushed her off though before claiming once more that he just needed some rest, so she let him be.

Falling for that line and not questioning his newfound evasiveness was the mistake all three of them made.

Roughly half an hour after that they were all shocked to suddenly hear Gabriel, from outside the church, banging on the doors and hysterically crying and begging for help much like he had been the first day they found him stuck up on that boulder. There wasn't even any time to wonder how he managed to get outside before the dreaded sound of the dead snarling and growling, eagerly trying to force their way through the barricaded wall that had been put up earlier reached their ears. With no other way in or out Michonne was forced to cut down the wooden planks that were holding the doors in place, getting them open just in time for Gabriel to slip through but it was only a moment longer before the dead were forcing their way through as well. Michonne immediately started taking down the closest ones with her katana and Tess pushed Carl and Judith towards the back with Luke and Gabriel as she rushed forward to help Michonne. With her bowie knife in hand, she started stabbing into anything in reach but it was quickly becoming a losing battle. There were just too many of them. They had no choice but to start retreating backwards into the back office.

It was then Gabriel finally offered up something helpful.

"C'mon, this way, here!" he urgently pulled Carl, holding a crying Judith with one arm and using his other hand to pull Luke along with him over to a hole in the floor that hadn't been there previously as Michonne and Tess still tried to keep the closest walkers at bay.

"This is how I got out. Crawl under to the back. Just go! Take the little ones and go." he instructed.

To the alarm of both women. Michonne was able to find her voice first.

"Hey! Hey, you wait for me."

"It's worth it," Gabriel promised. "I'm not going anywhere until you're gone." he added in an effort to appease the obvious distrust both women had for him.

They finally relented, Michonne giving Carl a nod to go with Tess following suit and doing the same to Luke. They killed several more walkers before Michonne pushed Tess back and told her to start going after the children, which she did gladly considering they were still unaware of what the situation outside was like.

Tess jumped through the hole and started crawling after the kids, hearing the lighter thud of Michonne and then the heavier thud of Gabriel hitting the ground and crawling after her. Once they were out and sure there weren't any other immediate threats around, Michonne and Tess once again left the kids in Gabriel's care - or Carl's, more like - to dispatch of the few remaining walkers that had impaled themselves on the organs and splintered wood beams before then making quick work to get the doors blocked shut from the outside this time, ensuring any remaining walkers were now trapped inside.

They both went over to check on the three kids, made sure they were fine and barely gave Gabriel and his now injured foot a second thought. They were both pretty done with him by that point.

They eventually sat on the church steps, taking the breather they were very much in need of now and just waiting for the group to return so they could finally get out of this area and the doomed church for good.

After some time, Michonne at last was the one to ask the question they wanted an answer to.

"Where did you go?"

"To the school," he only said at first, before elaborating. "I had to see. I had to know for sure."

"Know what?"

"That you guys weren't lying to me."

This time, Tess couldn't hold her tongue.

"Are you kiddin' me?!" she asked him with incredulity. "You've done nothin' but lie to us since we got here but you're gonna question us?"

He seemed surprised by her outburst, Michonne and Carl mirroring the look slightly themselves, but before anyone could say anything more there was forceful banging on the doors again. They all jumped up and away from the stairs, Tess clutching Luke to her side and backing up more and more as the dead were becoming successful in making their way back out.

Then, the unexpected happened.

Seemingly out of thin air, a firetruck came roaring by, barreling straight through the church and permanently putting an end to the threat.

They looked on with wide eyes before watching as Maggie jumped out.

"You guys alright?"

"Yeah," Michonne answered for them all, before looking confused. "You're back?"

She just sighed and shook her head as the others started piling out of the truck to survey the damage.

"Long story. But," she looked around before her eyes came back to Michonne. "Where's everybody else?"

"Beth," Tess piped in quickly. "Daryl and Carol, they found her," she looked down at Luke just as Maggie seemed to notice him for the first time and then back up with a barely contained smile. "They found 'em both."

Maggie's eyes went wide and hopeful as she looked between the two women.

"She's alive?"

"Yeah. She's being held at Grady Memorial Hospital by some group. The others went to get her back." Michonne explained.

Glenn came up beside her then as she threw her arms around him in an elated hug and let out a laugh as her eyes watered a little. Tess had to smile because she knew the feeling exactly. And it was a great one.

"And this?" she turned back to them as she looked down with a beaming smile. "Is this Luke?"

Again, Tess just smiled and nodded because she felt a small lump in her throat that she thought might obstruct her words.

"Well what are we waiting for then?" Tara asked. "Let's blow this joint and go save your sister."

-x-

They had all, Gabriel included, piled into the truck and made their way to Atlanta so that their group, in its entirety, could finally be reunited. 

Maggie explained that long story about the trip to D.C. along the way. 

Turns out, it really wasn't all that long.

Eugene had lied. Plain and simple. There was no cure, no interface whatever the hell he had called it that could cure whatever infection had started this whole mess to begin with. He had just thought it would be a potentially much safer area but wasn't equipped and was too scared to try to make the journey on his own.

Tess wasn't too sure how she felt about it. She wasn't as affected as the others at the loss, that she knew for sure. Maybe because she had such a hard time believing the story to begin with. When things sound too good and all that. But, she was still a little bummed. For the others. They had clearly put a lot of faith into the tale, and it was clear they were taking it as a big hit. As far as Tess, herself, she was just more peeved about the whole thing than anything else.

She spent the drive introducing Luke to the new members he hadn't met yet. Eugene kept to himself quietly, much like Gabriel was doing. Abraham simply gave him a grunt in greeting. Rosita gave him a small wave. Maggie, Glenn and Tara were much more warmly welcoming. And Luke seemed just as taken with them. He was especially excited about meeting Beth's sister. He was also eager just to get back to Beth.

Whatever they had gone through together did nothing but strengthen his puppy love crush on the girl.

Tess was pretty anxious to see the girl again herself.

As they entered the city the energy inside the truck was palpable. By the time they pulled in front of the hospital they were buzzing to get out and get back with their people.

Glenn was first, followed by Maggie and Tara, Abraham and Rosita climbing down from the front and Eugene and Gabriel not even bothering to move to get out. They all walked ahead through the fence just as Tess caught the briefest of glances at Daryl walking towards them with Beth in his arms as she started climbing down.

Poor thing, she thought to herself as she turned around to help Luke down the big steps. She could only imagine how worn out the girl must have been after everything she had been through.

Then she heard it.

Maggie's wails.

The unequivocal sound of pain. Despair. Loss.

She turned back quickly, seeing Maggie collapsed on the ground and Glenn holding her tightly and this time took the time to really evaluate just what she had seen before. And her heart broke at the sight.

It wasn't a tired out Beth that Daryl was carrying. It was a dead Beth he was carrying. His own tears falling mutely to splash over her blood splattered hair and face.

She wasn't fast enough. Luke had already gotten his own clear view before she could pull his face against her chest to shield him from the scene.

"No, don't!" she told him quickly, even though she knew it was far too late. "Jus..." she couldn't even finish. Her own grief hitting hard and fast. "Dammit." she whispered to herself.

Not another one.

Not again.

Not Beth.

Chapter Text

She should have left the truck. Should have at least had the decency and respect to offer her, what would only be meaningless, support and condolences to Maggie. And the others. Several things she should have done.

But she didn't. Never even tried. She climbed back into the firetruck and tucked herself as tightly as she could into the back corner and did what felt the most natural and familiar, held Luke close to her and did her best to quietly shush his crying as she fought off her own. After a long while when the crying outside had started to quiet down and one by one members of the group started loading back into the truck themselves, she didn't pay them any attention then either. Didn't talk to them. Didn't look at them. Didn't acknowledge any of them in any type of way.

Truth was, she didn't have the nerve to. 

Besides the fact she never felt like she was very good with consoling people, she was just too consumed with her own guilt and how much of a role she felt she had played in all of this. She was the one who had insisted Beth go off on her own with Luke. As far as she was concerned, she might as well have put the bullet in Beth's head herself.

She also knew the exact moment the same thought occurred to someone else.

It wasn't long after a few of the guys had gone off to try to find another working vehicle since they all wouldn't fit in the firetruck without sitting right on top of each other. She had felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise some and then she felt the heat on the side of her face. So, she did the cowardly thing and ignored that too. Spent the rest of the day pretending she didn't even know any of them were there. Not when they came back with another working car. Not during the drive out of the city - nobody wanting to stay in Atlanta after everything, despite the better chance of proper shelter - not during the makeshift funeral for Beth as she stood back with Luke out of the way and not when they pulled off the side of the country road to set up camp in the woods for the night. She didn't even bother to have the courtesy to ask Rick, or anyone, if there was anything she could do or needed to do to help out. She just waited until everyone cleared out and made a beeline with Luke into the wooded area that would be home for the night, making sure they stuck to themselves.

At some point early on in the night, Tyreese had come over to give them each a little food and water. She didn't know where they had even gotten it from, didn't particularly care either. She didn't give a thank you of any kind, just an imperceptible nod. But it was him that she spoke her first words in hours to. It was as he was walking away that she felt a weird itch, feeling a little trapped and she had called his name softly, not even realizing she had already started unbuttoning her shirt. Bob's shirt. When he came back over she stood to remove it completely, leaving her in just the thin blue tee from the funeral home, and folded it up as if she was handling some form of delicate lace before handing it over to him, asking if he could please return it to Sasha for her. She sat back down with Luke before she had to see whatever look it was he would give her. Mercifully, he left without more than a parting 'ok'.

She had been pretty successful the majority of the night when it came to making herself invisible. A life long gift. Or curse, depending on how you wanted to look at it. But as always, everything had a time limit. And her time for hiding was about to come to a swift end.

She had taken Luke off a little ways further into the woods for privacy when he had to go to the bathroom. She kept alert for any threats as he went, as well as making sure she had her back mostly turned to him to give him a sense of modesty. She turned back to him when she heard him finishing up and knelt down to help him tie the drawstring of the scrub pants he still had on from Grady's. The clothing alone another unwanted reminder of everything.

She couldn't wait to be able to find him some new clothes.

When she went to stand back up he stopped her by tugging on the hem of her shirt. 

It nearly broke her when she met his eyes.

She could already feel her own eyes watering up again and had to look away and swallow a few times before getting her voice steady.

"I know bud. I miss her too. But, uh..." she sniffed as wiped away the tear that was getting ready to roll down his cheek. "Well, we just gotta remember that we were lucky, right? Lucky to know someone so good that it makes sayin' goodbye so hard."

After a moment he nodded and then grabbed her hand. She pulled him a little closer with her hand on the back of his head to place a small kiss on his forehead before finally standing and bending to pick him up, his arms instantly going around her neck and legs around her waist as she started walking back to their sleeping area.

They didn't make it there.

When she was about halfway back she felt that heat on her again and looked up to find Maggie standing in front of her, waiting. The fire in her eyes matching the heated blaze Tess had been feeling on the side of her face ever since they left the hospital. The fire that she had desperately been trying to avoid all day, knowing she couldn't outrun it forever and now she had finally run out of road.

Tess froze in her place. Watching Maggie while she regarded her with a swirl of emotions. Tess flinched slightly when Maggie opened her mouth, though no words came at first. It was like there was too much she wanted to say and didn't know where she wanted to start.

She found her footing after a moment.

"You." 

It was practically a hiss that cut through Tess like a blade.

"How could you...why would you just send her off by herself like that? With no weapon or any kind of defense or...or...anything?! With your own boy no less? What the hell were you even thinkin'?!"

Tess went to open her mouth but stopped when she realized she had nothing to say. What could she say? How could she defend herself when everything Maggie was currently spitting at her were the exact same things she herself had been thinking and wondering since the night they had first been taken. So she stayed silent, not able to even look Maggie in the face anymore - let alone her eyes - and took the licking she knew she more than deserved, rubbing Luke's back lightly when he tightened around her, affected by Maggie's anger and grief.

"I mean what kind of mother..."

"Maggie."

Tess looked back up slightly at Glenn's sudden interruption.

He walked over to his wife's side, placing a hand on her shoulder before speaking softly.

"Come on, that's enough now." he started while gently trying to coax her away but was stopped when she tore away from his grasp.

"No!" she looked at him as if she couldn't believe he would actually try to stop her from speaking. "No. It's not fair. Why? Huh? Why does she," she pointed an accusing finger at Tess. "Get to get her boy back when Beth...Beth just..."

Tess watched as all the fight and fire dissipated and the sorrow overtook again. She wasn't even making words anymore, just sounds as Glenn brought his hands up to cradle her face tenderly and brought her close, whispering something in her ear that caused the damn to break and her tears to start up again. He wrapped an arm around her and was finally able to start leading her away, not before throwing an apologetic look Tess' way.

With the storm of Maggie no longer looming over her, Tess noticed that the confrontation had drawn the attention of nearly everyone else and the varying degrees of pity and whatnot on their faces was nearly suffocating. She got her feet moving again and, now that the path was clear, quickly made her way back to her and Luke's secluded area. She settled herself back down against her chosen tree and resituated Luke so he was more laying in her lap, head resting against her shoulder. She knew he was already upset from Beth, things only being aggravated by Maggie's outburst. She also knew any silence right now would give her too much of an opportunity to delve into the rabbit hole of her own mind, which wouldn't be good for anyone. So, without any prompting from him, she immediately launched into Peter Rabbit.

She spent roughly an hour telling him story after story. She wasn't naive enough to think it was for his benefit. She knew, selfishly, at this point it was far more for her and her own sanity. She kept reciting tale after tale, anything she could think of that had ever been ingrained into her memory by her grandfather, even after he had fallen asleep.

She was just nearing the end of The Tale of Benjamin Bunny when she heard the crunching of leaves floating her way. She didn't pay it much mind, knowing whoever it was wouldn't be making their presence so well known to her if it was anyone she needed to be worried about. 

She didn't even bother looking up when she seen the figure pass her, still not having the balls to really look at any of them. But even with her head lowered, once the body dropped down against the tree directly in front of her it was impossible to miss the crossbow. She finally glanced up just enough to see Daryl's face before immediately having to look back down. Besides the weight of shame and guilt she was feeling, along with the feelings of failing this group who had so wholeheartedly welcomed her and Luke in despite all the troubles they themselves had had with other people, she just couldn't handle the look on his face.

He looked about as wrecked as she felt. She could see it clear as day, even in the dark with no campfire light, she could see it. Hell, she could feel it rolling off of him in waves. 

It was odd, but she felt more like she had failed him than Maggie. 

He stayed quiet for a long while, which she was thankful for, same as always when she found herself in just his company.

Then he had to go and ruin it by talking. 

Figures. 

She could tell by the slight bounce in his foot that he wasn't sure how to go about saying whatever it was that was on his mind, and she couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.

"Weren' righ'...wha' she said." he let out after a time. 

She shook her head as a way to wave him off. 

"She's hurt, she's grievin', she just lost her sister. She's got every right to vent any way she needs to."

"Not when she's placin' blame where it don' belong, she don'."

"Who says it doesn't belong?" 

He frowned at that. "Hey," he waited until she brought her eyes up to his again. "This ain' on ya."

His frown deepened at the dubious look she gave him back.

"It's not not on me either."

 It wasn't the best answer, or the answer he wanted to hear based on that deepened frown that was now turning into something a bit more serious.

"Beth wasn' yer responsibility. Ya barely even knew 'er."

Oh.

Tess looked back up to him then, even able to look him in the eyes without fidgeting any. She knew it wasn't right, was smart enough and knew herself well enough to know that the feeling currently crawling through her veins wasn't true or meant to be aimed at him, but she was losing the battle of fighting off her own incoming storm now.

She knew he was only trying to stop her from blaming herself for something he felt wasn't her fault, but there was something about the way he said she barely knew Beth that started the embers to spark and the irritation to start over riding her rational thought.

Sure, maybe she didn't know Beth long or in the deeper way they all did, but she had connected with the young girl. She felt like they had truly formed what could have been a lasting bond during those couple of days. To hear him now say she barely knew her felt like it was just undermining all of that. As if none of that was important. Like it wasn't a big deal for Tess to have been able to connect with another person in general but especially in the new world.

Frankly, it pissed her off.

She did her best to stay silent, begged her mind to get that growing anger reigned back in before she started spouting off things she either didn't mean or would most definitely regret later on.

Daryl watched her, closely, as her eyes hardened just a smidge - reminding him of that moment on the road when she had tackled him to the ground - drawing her cheeks in some to bite the insides. A clear indicator she was holding back.

For some unknown reason, he wished he could hear what it was she really wanted to say instead of the obvious detour she went with.

"So, what then, hm? Just you? You're the one to blame for all this?" 

It came out harsher than she ever would have wanted it to, but on top of an already emotionally draining day and now her anxiety screwing with her wiring, it was the best she could do while still trying not to lash out completely at someone who far from deserved it.

She hated that tenth of a second where he looked like a kicked puppy before he too got his mask back under control.

"I was s'pose ta keep her safe, so yeah, tha's on me. Never shoulda left her alone."

Tess had to bite her lip again. She knew it wasn't what he meant, but she still couldn't stop herself from taking it as 'I never shoulda left her alone with you.'.

"Right," she answered back ruefully. "Except you didn't. You left her with me. I left her alone. I left both of them alone. I..." 

She faltered for a second, before Daryl watched the exact moment any kind of fight slowly left her like a deflating balloon and she lowered her head back down in defeat.

After a little time spent in the bubble of silence that seemingly only the two of them could get when with one another, he caught the way her fingers started tapping out an irregular pattern against her other arm that was wrapped around Luke. It wasn't just the random tapping she would do when she was feeling anxious, it was more controlled like the way she had done that first night at the funeral home when she had been tapping a song to herself. He almost felt like asking what song she had in mind, but ultimately decided to just let her be. When she spoke up again, it was much more subdued than before. 

"What a pair we are, eh?" 

"Hm?" 

"Throwin' stones at each other's glass houses? Like we're both not perfectly aware we're blamin' ourselves for the same damn thing."

He still didn't believe any of this should be put on her, but he couldn't deny the fact she was right. He did consider this a hundred percent on him, but self deprecation recognized self deprecation, and he would be a fool to not be able to understand her line of thinking. Whether he agreed with her or not.

He ended up just grunting his agreement.

After some time she felt any remaining tension dissolve into the night air. It was fine for a while, until that same night air started getting unusually nippy for this time of year. Unfortunately, that simple act of nature was about to open up a whole new can of worms.

She shook off a slight shiver as she readjusted Luke in her lap some so she could hold him a little closer to her, making sure the small blanket she had found in the firetruck before was covering up his bare arms. She didn't know Daryl didn't miss her actions though.

He realized, for the first time since he had come over, that she no longer had on the long sleeved shirt she had been wearing and didn't see it anywhere in sight and he felt his brows knit together.

"Wha' happened ta yer shirt?"

"Gave it to Sasha." she answered, looking up to find him staring at her with confusion.

"Why?"

She gave a one shoulder shrug and a slight head tilt, as if the answer should be obvious.

"It was Bob's," she elaborated some when he still didn't seem to get what that had to do with anything. "She lost him, she deserves to have any bit of what's left of him."

The confusion vanished and was replaced by something else. It was almost a neutral look, but there was some kind of underlying edge that immediately had her feeling like she had said or done the wrong thing.

"Why do ya do tha'?" he asked lowly.

Now it was her turn to be confused. "Do what?"

"Act like it's some kinda contest of who's lost more?"

She started to shake her head some. "I'm not..."

She was cut off when he abruptly jumped to his feet, causing her a slight flinch by the rapid movement.

"Ya think she's the only one? Tha' Maggie's the only one?" he carried on with barely contained, what she could only describe as plain anger.

"No, no no that, that's not..." she stuttered, put off and not sure how to handle the more surly version of him that she had first met, especially when she wasn't even sure what she had done to put him off.

"We've all lost shit."

"I know, I... just," but she was once again cut off by something soft hitting the side of her face before feeling it fall to her arm. It wasn't anything that could have hurt, but she hadn't been able to look at him at the time, feeling small and intimidated by his terse demeanor and jumped at the contact.

"Ain't no damn contest." he finished briskly before stalking off and away from her.

It took her a few minutes to get her heart rate to calm down and get over the shock of whatever the hell had just happened. Once she did, she finally grabbed the object resting on her arm to find it was his own button up shirt. She had never even seen him take it off, or could even figure out how he had done it so quickly.

She let out a massive sigh.

Great.

The first thought was to go find him to give it back, not wanting to risk him being cold during the night just because of her. But, she was also positive at this point he'd probably smack her for even trying.

So, with all the fight now officially and completely drained from her, she carefully - so as not to wake Luke - slid her arms into the sleeves. Letting his remaining warmth wrap around her like a blanket that still couldn't reach the cold chill that was settled deep within her bones.

Chapter Text

Tess watched with tired, bleary eyes as the sun started peaking through the trees, slowly but surely lighting up the area to prepare for a new day. She never did get any real kind of sleep during the night, save for dozing off for twenty minutes here and there. Not that she was surprised or expected anything else. As exhausted and bone tired as she was, her mind wouldn't quiet down much. Besides all the major stuff like the loss of Bob and Beth and the fall outs with Maggie and Daryl, some time in the early hours of the morning her mind circled to the boy still fast asleep in her arms.

She had sent him off without her. Again. 

At the church, when the walkers had broken through, she sent him off alone with Carl while she helped Michonne fend off the intruding walkers. Sure, she knew that given the situation and quickly impending threat that it was the best option. But it had been the best option when she sent him off with Beth alone, too. Just look how that turned out. Now, all she could think was that she was constantly putting him in danger and then leaving him alone. It was a shitty feeling, like she could never do right by him despite how hard she tried.

And those fucking hospital scrubs.

If she didn't get him into some new clothes soon she was sure she'd lose it, fully, finally.

It was the only thing she could think about. It had her ready to crawl out of her skin. She tried to busy herself with Luke once he had woken, probably due to the fact that she was squirming around so much trying not to disturb him. She had taken him off so they could both relieve themselves and, when that was done, had made sure he had some of the leftover water and food from the night before. While he was slowly munching on that, she took to pacing around in front of him while he watched silently. She knew she was affecting him, knew he always got upset when she was clearly distressed, but she couldn't stop it. She felt like she was about to explode and damn near wanted to pull her hair out. Something, anything to fend off the rapid anxiety building in her chest.

"You look like you're about to bolt."

She didn't bother stopping her pacing or the snarky comment that left her lips.

"Why, so you can sic your guard dogs on me to drag me back?"

Rick paused and furrowed his brows. He knew everyone was having a rough time and struggling at the moment, himself included. They had just lost two important members of their group, everyone, even the newer ones who hadn't known Beth or Bob were clearly being affected. But Tess, she looked like she was spiraling big time. Even the other morning when he had postponed their continued search for Luke and Beth she hadn't been in this bad a state. She was openly unhappy with his decision, but she hadn't been this outright aggressive with him.

"Hey," he attempted but was completely ignored by her. He stepped into her path and stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder, again like the other morning not missing the tiny flinch she gave at the contact. "Hey, what's goin' on?"

She contemplated knocking his hand off her but let out a harsh breath through her nose instead and finally met his gaze, somewhat, before letting her eyes drift to Luke.

"He needs new clothes." she told him quietly.

He let his own eyes follow hers to Luke, slightly confused for just a moment before the real meaning of her words became clear - She needed any visual reminders of everything gone.

"Hey Rick?"

They both turned to see Glenn standing somewhat awkwardly nearby.

"I can go out with her, try to gather up some more supplies." he offered.

He wasn't thrilled about the idea. They had just gotten everyone back together, it didn't particularly sit well with him to let them go off for something that didn't really need to be done. But Tess was clearly in a bad head space, and he was pretty sure if he tried to prevent her from doing this in any way she'd just take off on her own, his threats of sending people out to bring her back be damned. He knew Glenn could be trusted, wouldn't allow either of them to go into any unnecessary dangerous places. And, plus, there were talks to be had and decisions to be made about what their next steps were going to be from here. He didn't have the time to deal with this himself. So, with a heavy sigh, he conceded.

"Alright, fine. But, no goin' out too far. I mean it. And I want you both back here in two hours, no longer." he stressed sternly to both of them.

Glenn nodded. "Two hours. Stay close. You got it."

When his eyes came back to rest on her Tess also nodded her agreeance before again looking at Luke with a worried expression. Once again Rick picked up on her unsaid words.

"I'll look after him, promise." he assured her.

She was hesitant, thinking how she was just once again leaving him behind, but she needed to do this. And she did trust Rick, so she nodded along wordlessly to that as well before giving him, what she hoped, was a thankful look.

The last squeeze to her shoulder let her know he received it clearly.

-x-

A short time later Tess and Glenn were on the road. They had decided - Glenn had decided - that since the group that had gone out scavenging the day before had gone east it would best for them to head west. She wasn't thrilled about being away from Luke again, but she also couldn't deny the fact that being out on the road and moving with the purpose of doing something productive was settling her nerves some. The only real downfall was Glenn. She could see, from the glances she would steal at him, that he was a little fidgety himself suddenly. She had her guess as to why, but had no desire to address it at all. 

"So I'm thinking," he began after a few minutes into their quest. "Given our restrictions and all, our best bet is probably looking out for abandoned cars? Hopefully we'll come across some luggage, clothes, maybe some other stuff we could use. What do you think?"

"Yeah, sounds good." she mumbled back before stopping for a second and bending, then twisting her body around some with a slight grimace.

Glenn stopped as well when he noticed.

"Hey, you ok?" he inquired with concerned.

"Yeah, yeah," she said with a slight wave of her hand, not wanting to be fussed over. "Just...side is cramping up some."

"Do you need to stop for a few minutes? Or maybe we should just head back -"

"No," she shot the idea down quickly. "No, I'm fine. Just sat up too long last night, should have laid down for a bit. I'm good."

Like most of the group when it came to things she tried to brush off, he looked dubious.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she straightened up so she could look at him properly. "Please, just wanna get this done." 

He looked at her for a few moments, trying to gauge how honest she was being, before giving a massive sigh.

"Alright. But you get another attack, of any kind, and we're going back."

"Fair enough."

They began walking again, not before he insisted she at least take a few drinks of water from the canteen he had brought with him. They kept a steady pace going forward, though coming up empty as far as finding any vehicles to rifle through. It was roughly fifteen minutes before Glenn finally broke the silence again.

"Hey, so um," he started nervously, clearly trying to work through what he wanted to say. "About Maggie...."

And there it was. It was exactly what she had guessed he was fidgety about once they got onto the road, and exactly what she didn't want to get into.

"Glenn..." she had to stop walking again and scrubbed a hand down her face. The current situation was so uncomfortable and she wasn't sure how to really handle it or express herself. As per usual. "Just...it's alright, ok? I...I get it, ya know? I really do. No...no hard feelin's or ill will or anything, just..." she waved her hand in the air in front of her. "It's fine."

She could tell he wasn't exactly thrilled with the answer. Or maybe it was just he wasn't sure how to go about the conversation either. She imagined it probably was just as weird for him, trying to defend his wife while also trying to console the person who had gotten hit with his wife's outburst while also sticking by her side and defending her actions. Tess just wished everyone would understand there was no need. She didn't want apologies when she didn't feel they were warranted in any way. She didn't want the pity.

She watched as Glenn's shoulders slumped some, knowing this was as far as the conversation on this topic would go and also probably the best outcome he could achieve, all things considered.

"Ok. Just one more thing then."

She couldn't control the way her body turned away from him just tiniest bit in apprehension. "What?"

"Well I, I got you something."

"You...got me somethin'?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

He suddenly went a little shy.

"Yeah. Well no. Well, actually I got something for you and Luke. Except, really, I guess it's kind of something for the whole group?"

Tess almost wanted to laugh at his rambling and the way he seemed confused by his own actions. She simply tilted her head to indicate she was waiting. He then reached into the bag he had brought with him and pulled out a small paperback book and handed it to her with somewhat downcast eyes. She took a hold of it so she could read the title, only to be surprised by it.

Practicing American Sign Language

She was a little speechless as to what to say, so Glenn took the opportunity to continue.

"When we were on the way to D.C, we stopped at a library for the night. I happened to see that when we were looking around the place and, I don't know. I mean, I know you and Luke have your own way of communicating and all, but I know it's still gotta be tough at times. I thought maybe learning some things would be helpful. And I thought it might be nice for the rest of us to learn some things too, that way we can all talk back and forth with him."

Now Tess was completely speechless. For one, she didn't even remember telling Glenn anything about Luke not talking. Maybe she had told Maggie? Maybe that was one of the things she had told her and Bob and Sasha when she had first met them. It was hard to say, there was so much of that time frame that was completely fuzzy to her. But, more then all that, she was so overwhelmingly touched by his thoughtfulness.

She cleared the small lump in her throat.

"Thank, thank you, Glenn. This is great." she told him with complete sincerity and a small, but genuine smile.

He returned it with a small pat on her elbow. "You're welcome."

She tucked the small book into one of the pockets of her - Bob's - cargo pants and they continued on their way. A much more calming silence befalling them this time. It was another ten minutes or so before they finally came upon a promising find. They were just getting ready to pass by a overcrowded area of brush when they both slowed to a stop. They stepped forward and started slowly clearing the thick bushes and vines to finally reveal a big enough opening for them to see through.

Glenn already looked like he had won a prize.

"A dirt road." he declared, triumphantly.

"Dirt roads usually lead somewhere." Tess thought out loud.

"Exactly," Glenn pushed the brush aside just a little more, making room for him to squeeze through before holding the branches aside for Tess to get through without anything snagging on her injured side too much. Once they were both on the actual road he gave a quick scan of the immediate area before checking that his gun was still secure on his thigh holster. "Stay alert." he warned.

She nodded her understanding while also checking that her own gun and knife were both in easy reach. They walked along silently, all the while keeping eyes open for anything that might become a problem. There were a handful of dead walkers, but besides that there was nothing. Not until they came to the end of the road that led right to a modestly sized cabin. The property was an absolute mess - vines growing up the side, several broken shutters, gutters clogged and stuffed with leaves, overgrown grass and weeds in the front yard area and a beat up rust bucket of a truck parked off to the side.

It was the truck that put them both on edge instantly. It stood to reason that the owner could very well be close by. Wordlessly, Glenn took his gun out and held it in front of him while Tess did the same except she kept hers lowered in front of her slightly, following his lead when he motioned for her to get behind him before they slowly started creeping towards the cabin and then heading off around the side so they could check the back for any signs of life. The back of the property was, seemingly, just as deserted as the front had been. That is, until they heard a very distinctive click and a small sob that rose the hairs on both their necks. 

They both went stiff and pointed their weapons straight and at the ready, Glenn giving a sideways glance to Tess to assess if she was ready to move forward to investigate. She nodded her affirmative and together they moved in tandem to the edge of the backyard to discovered that the property was on a slight slope. When they got to the edge and peered down, they saw a figure sitting on a rock in front of what appeared to be a ditch facing away from them. As they looked on, they could see the man's shoulders start to shake some as more cries left him. Glenn once again looked towards Tess, giving a pointed look to her outstretched gun as a sign for her to stay on guard why he lowered his a tad.

"Hello?" he called out.

The man gave no visible reaction that he had heard them at all, and Glenn was just about to call out again when he finally turned around to look at them.

He was a white male, dirty blond hair, maybe in his early forties and, even from the distance between them, the pair could easily see how dead behind the eyes he looked. It was almost as disturbing as seeing the actual dead. And the way he just stared at them with complete nothingness in his face and gaze was beyond unsettling. It was a stare down between the three for an extended period of time before he finally spoke up in a gravelly voice that was fully devoid of any emotion.

"Whatever you find, take it. It's yours," he told them as he turned back around. "Doesn't matter anymore anyways."

Glenn and Tess looked at each other, neither really sure how to handle the situation. Finally, Glenn dropped his weapon to his side completely as he made slow steps towards the stranger, Tess right on his heels.

"Hey man, are you alright?" Glenn ventured, cautiously. "Maybe, maybe we can help?"

The man just gave a humorless laugh.

"Nobody can help me now."

Tess thought she understood. She thought, clearly, he must have been bitten or scratched or infected in some way and was dying. She thought this was just a man who knew he was on borrowed time and was coming to terms with it.

She was wrong.

When her and Glenn finally got close enough to come around to the front of the man they saw what had caused the clicking noise that first drew their attention. In the man's hands was a sawed off shotgun, pointing straight up at himself. The sight instantly had Tess raising her gun again, Glenn somewhat doing the same. But it was the other sight in front of them that had her lowering hers in shock.

In front of the man, in the small ditch that had been dug up, were three bodies resting inside at the bottom.

A woman who looked to have been around the same age as him and two twin boys who couldn't have been any older than ten.

All with a bullet wound in the center of their foreheads.

"I couldn't do it anymore. This world, what it's become..." he broke off as the tears started rolling down his face and another sob racked his body. "I wouldn't do it, you hear me?! I love my family and there was no way I was gonna make them live through that anymore!" 

Tess could feel her nerves shooting up. The more the guy ranted the louder he was getting. Plus he had started waving his shotgun around wildly. Not only was she worried about his yells drawing unwanted attention but he was rapidly becoming more and more erratic and there was no way to tell what else he might be capable of.

"Glenn..." she said lowly, nervously.

He held up a hand to her, a silent gesture to just hold back and let him handle things.

"Look we, we've all been through things...we've all - "

But before Glenn could continue whatever speech he had planned, the man swiftly lifted the shotgun up under his chin.

Glenn and Tess both yelled out a 'No!' at the same time.

But it was to no avail.

He pulled the trigger, the blast taking off half his face and sending blood and brain matter flying all around him before the body hit the ground with a thud.

Tess brought a hand up to her mouth, instantly feeling the bile rise in her throat. The scene was gruesome enough as is, but it wasn't just that.

She couldn't help but be reminded of another moment in her life.

Glenn was just as stunned. He couldn't move for a few minutes, couldn't really think of a thing to say or do. It wasn't until he spared a glance as Tess that he finally got his mouth working again.

"C'mon," he all but whispered, solemnly with a hand placed on her elbow to start guiding her back towards the front of the cabin. "We'll see what we can find, then we gotta get back."

Tess just nodded along, knowing full well her voice wouldn't work right now.

-x-

They made fast work of searching the cabin. They even managed to gather a pretty impressive haul. Clothes, a small first aid kit that was a little more than half full, several blankets, a small can of gasoline, two one gallon jugs of water, some spare batteries and a small box of canned goods.

It didn't feel like nearly the victory or win it should have.

They made their way back to their camp with roughly five minutes to spare on the two hour time limit Rick had given them. He was quite pleased with the load they were able to find.

Neither one of them made mention of what else they had found that day.

Chapter Text

It was almost comically stupid.

When Tess and Glenn had come back that day they were informed of the plans that were made in their absence. As a way to honor Beth's final wishes, and almost even more so just to have an actual purpose going forward, it had been decided that the group would be traveling to Richmond, VA in hopes of reuniting Noah with his family and, hopefully, to settle down in a secure area. Tess actually found herself being a major fan of the idea. Not only was she more than ready to just get out of the area and leave the state she used to call home behind, but as someone who had been separated from someone she loved dearly, she wanted to see Noah back with his loved ones. She wanted to play her part in any way that she could, even if it wasn't much, to give him what he had helped give her by keeping Luke safe and brought back to her.

In theory, it should have been a roughly eight hour drive.

It was not.

Between trying to find fuel, cars breaking down, stopping every so often to avoid potentially dangerous or sketchy looking situations - or taking advantage of places to look for and stock up on supplies - or plain just having to reroute due to walker overpopulation, that eight hour drive took them just over two weeks.

Comically. Stupid.

Tess had noticed early on in the trip the way that, despite there not being any kind of real animosity, the group seemed to splinter off some after the events at Grady Memorial. They were all working together just fine, sure, but at night when they would be settling down for dinner and unwinding from the day it would show. Glenn, Maggie, Tara and Noah were usually grouped together. Sasha and Tyreese would often be a part of that grouping as well, though sometimes Sasha would excuse herself, still very much reeling from the loss of Bob. Maggie was the same. There were times where she would seem ok, then she'd get this distant look about her and she and Glenn would go off somewhere private.

Abraham and Rosita were always huddled together but, despite many attempts on the latin woman's behalf to smooth things over between Abraham and Eugene, things were nowhere close to being ok on former's end. It left Eugene and Gabriel to team up in a sense, both being the two biggest outcasts. Tess was always left surprised she wasn't lumped with them herself.

Daryl and Carol spent a lot of time together, Daryl sometimes taking off to have one on one time with Rick where they discussed whatever it was they talked about, planned. And Rick, Michonne, Carl and Judith were almost always together.

Which left Tess and Luke.

She tried to keep them separate, the feeling of starting to belong and being a part of something fizzing out, in her mind, after Atlanta. Although she wasn't getting death glares any longer and wasn't being actively avoided, the tension between her and Maggie was still clear. Glenn, bless him, tried at every avenue to bridge the gap. He constantly brought Tess and Luke to eat with them, a time or two literally dragging her with him. It was mainly him that she endured for. After that morning of their solo scavenging trip she felt like there was a deeper connection that had been formed between the two. He was a sweet kid, incredibly smart and inventive. The tricks he had been showing and teaching both her and Tara when it came to the art of finding hidden treasures never ceased to amaze her. And his never ending hope, jesus. Even her bitter heart bought into his world peace like mentality. Plus he was always great with Luke - would make a great father, she thought often - and he and Noah were always going over the sign language book with him. Tess couldn't believe how quickly Luke was picking it up. Two weeks time and he already had the full alphabet, as well as some common words, down pat. She only had memorized about half of what he did and even that was iffy if she didn't have the pictures in front of her to verify. But Glenn was right, it was slowly but surely helping Luke and a few of them communicate a little easier.

The most perplexing state of limbo between relationships easily went to Daryl and herself though. She had had no direct interaction with him since the night Beth had died when they had their...whatever it was they had. Tess still wasn't sure. Four nights of radio silence and then the fifth night came around. She had been having a nightmare again, similar to the ones she had been having on and off since the clearing. Once again Daryl brought her out of it and, once again, she nearly punched him for it. He took off the moment he saw she had her bearings about her but the following night he planted himself across from her and Luke. The nightmare episodes happened three more times in that two week period, and each time he brought her out of it and kept a steady hand on her wrist until her mind cleared up. After a few days they would talk a few words here and there, mindless chatter mostly, and he too would practice ASL with Luke, but he never once attempted to bring up their 'disagreement' from before. Which was more than fine with Tess, avoidance was one of her specialties after all. That and, although uncomfortable at first, they slowly found themselves in that place where they could just have their peaceful silence like before.

Tess didn't want to admit how much she had missed it. How much she had craved it.

It was the day they finally made it to Virginia, the night before they would venture over to Noah's gated community that would always stick with her and that would always hold a special place in her heart.

She hadn't slept much at all the night before due to a particularly nasty and vivid nightmare, and after a grueling supply run that had them in a too close run in with some walkers, she had actually crashed shortly after dinner that night. Some time later she started waking up slightly, vaguely aware of shuffling nearby before feeling those familiar tiny hands on her arm. She was still pretty deeply under, so it was taking a few moments for her body to catch up with her brain but before she could get there herself, someone else intervened.

"Hey little man," she could hear Daryl's deep rumble call out lightly, floating around her in her hazy state. "Can' sleep?"

Something in her brain told her to stay down, pretend to still be asleep, far too curious as to what he would do.

There was a pause in sound, in which she assumed Luke indicated his answer before Daryl's voice cut in again.

"...Yeah, me too."

Me too? Me too, what?

"Yer mom, she usu'lly reads ta ya when you can' sleep, yeah?"

Another beat of silence.

"Why don' ya go ahead an' let yer mom sleep, maybe I can tell ya a story? ...if'n ya wan'."

Tess wasn't sure what shocked her more, the fact that he was offering to do it at all or the hint of shyness that suddenly laced his voice.

Daryl Dixon, ever the enigma.

There was some light rustling, signaling that Luke was moving away from her before Daryl's voice cut into the nighttime silence again.

"Alrigh'," he started with some hesitancy. "It's Peter Rabbit ya like, righ'?" a brief pause and then a grunt. "Righ', well I don' really know much 'bout 'im, but uh, my mom, when I was a boy she used ta read me The Velveteen Rabbit...I can tell ya tha' one."

Clearly Luke gave the thumb's up on that option because with a mumbled 'alrigh' then' Daryl began reciting the old tale, going off memory the same way Tess did with the stories she told. She wanted so badly to crack an eye open, take a peak at the scene playing out before her just to verify it was actually happening, but she knew the second he realized she was awake and he had an audience, he would clam up.

And, so, she continued to stay as still as the night around them, listening to the tale of nursery magic and the small rabbit's desire to become real and letting Daryl's soothing voice lull her into a peaceful slumber.

-x-

The following morning saw Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Tyreese and Noah setting out to complete the roughly fifty mile journey to Noah's old community to check things out, Rick not wanting the whole group together in the chance that things weren't on the up and up or went badly. The rest would be staying behind to wait on word of whether or not to follow.

Tess had noticed, from the moment she woke up that morning, that Luke seemed to be trying to stay close to Daryl's side. And, by the odd looks he kept sending her way, he had clearly noticed as well. Not that she was surprised, next to nothing seemed to pass by the hunter's trained eye. Not wanting to give up the fact that she had been eavesdropping on their storytime the night before, she would shrug off his questioning gaze every time, enjoying a small smile to herself when he would turn away again. When he was getting ready to head off into the surrounding woods to see if he could wrangle up any kind of meat, he was stopped by the small boy following after him.

Daryl looked down to Luke with a raised eyebrow. "Wha'?"

Luke held up his two index fingers and pointed them forward.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that morning, Daryl looked to Tess for an explanation.

"Pretty sure he wants to go with you." she offered.

The confirmation came with Luke's excited head nod.

Daryl looked between them for a moment before giving a light shrug. "Alrigh' with me if it's alrigh' with yer mom."

That gave Tess pause. Luke's eagerness had her wanting to say yes immediately, but there was minor conflict. She still struggled with being apart from him, even though she had been doing it steadily more and more during the trip to Virginia. It never really got any easier though. But she just needed to take a moment to breathe. They wouldn't be going far, and this was Daryl, after all. She knew she could trust him above all else.

So, letting the breath out slowly through her nose, she gave her blessing.

"Okay, yeah that's fine."

Daryl gave her a serious look. "Ya sure?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure," the words left her mouth and instantly Luke was taking off. "Hey!"

He stopped dead in his tracks, looking over his shoulder at her and walking back over when she beckoned him with her finger. She knelt down so she could be eye level with him and grabbed both his hands in hers.

"No just runnin' off your own, you hear me? And you listen to everything Daryl tells you, understand?" she asked him sternly, only to be met with a more subdued nod. She couldn't help the small smirk that pulled at the corner of her lips. "Well, then, have fun."

And with that he walked more calmly to join Daryl, Daryl himself giving her a brief nod which delivered a clear message: I got him.

She returned the gesture and watched the two walk side by side into the woods.

-x-

Just because she trusted Daryl fully to keep Luke safe did not negate the fact that she still had a host of nerves to battle through.

Roughly an hour after the boys had departed she wasn't sure what to do with herself. She had gone through the ASL book but she couldn't concentrate much on any of it. She had gone down to the nearby creek with Tara and gathered some water, the two of them talking lightly about old movies they each loved. It was when they made it back that she discovered she had an unexpected visitor waiting for her in the form of Maggie.

"Hey." she greeted, looking about as awkward as Tess suddenly felt, not helped at all by the fact that Tara chose that moment to make herself scarce.

"Hey."

The two women stared at each other silently, Tess fighting to maintain some form of eye contact before Maggie let out a heavy sigh.

"Those stitches of yours, I really think we should get them out."

It took a few beats for Tess to form a thought, thrown off a little not only by Maggie suddenly speaking to her, but also by the fact that she wanted to help her with something that, honestly, Tess hadn't really thought about much with everything else that had been going on.

"Oh...Oh! Yeah, um, yes. That'd..." Tess felt ridiculous for the sudden stammering, she just couldn't process the sudden turn of events with the woman who had openly been ignoring her like the plague, still not blaming her one bit for it. "Yeah, that'd probably be good."

Maggie nodded, grabbing a small knife from her back pocket and gesturing towards Tess' shirt. "Mind if I...?"

Realizing she would actually need to see the wound, Tess quickly put down the water bottles she had been carrying.

"Right, sure." she turned around and braced her hands against a nearby tree, trying to steady herself at the familiar discomfort of having to showcase the wound once again. Maggie may have seen it before, back at the beginning, but it still felt so vulnerable to unveil it. To her, all it did was prove that she had failed both Luke and herself, and how that failure had almost cost them both so dearly.

Both women felt her tense up the second Maggie started lifting the bottom of her shirt, causing Maggie to pause in her movements.

"If you need me to stop, just say." she spoke softly.

Tess nodded wordlessly.

Maggie continued rolling her shirt up, all the way up to her neck where she then instructed Tess to hold it to keep it from falling back down and getting in the way. She took a few minutes to examine the area, poking and prodding for tenderness and making sure there was no unhealthy looking tissue or any infected areas.

"Looks pretty good, all considering. I'm gonna start cuttin' out the stitches now, just let me know if anything hurts or you need a break, 'kay?"

"Yup."

Maggie got started, working silently and with gentle hands, careful not to be too rough. Especially in the area that had had to be redone by Bob after Terminus. She started from the bottom and swiftly worked her way up towards the top. She was nearly done when she finally spoke up again.

"I need to apologize to you."

Tess immediately started shaking her head. "No, Maggie you really don't -"

"Tess please," Maggie cut off her refusals. "I do, and I want to. After Beth, I..." with her back still turned, Tess felt rather than seen Maggie take a shuddering breath. "I never wanted to put that on you, I never really meant to. It's just, so close to the prison and my...my dad...I just didn't know what to do with it all, and I'm sorry it got directed towards you. It wasn't right, and I don't want you thinkin' I blame you, at all, because I don't," she cut the final stitch before pulling the shirt back down in place. "There, all done."

Tess turned around and tentatively met Maggie's eyes, suddenly feeling hers misting over slightly for a reason she couldn't quite identify. "Thanks."

Maggie's own eyes welled up just a touch before she gently pulled Tess in for a hug that was instantly returned.

The moment was broken by Tara suddenly running up to the woman.

"Something happened."

Chapter Text

The loss of Tyreese was another massive blow to the group. One they couldn't afford and one that seemed to send any momentum they might have had down the drain. Everything seemed to go downhill, even more so, from there.

Rick made the call to make their way to their original destination of D.C, for no other reason than there was nowhere else to go. No other plans. No other possible safe havens that anyone knew of. And, once again, the group found themselves in a state of just needing a purpose. A mission. A reason to keep going. But the bad luck just kept following them like a dark rain cloud over the head of a depressed cartoon character, and trouble seemed to follow wherever they went.

Again their vehicles became unusable. The engine on one died out completely and the inability to find any fuel made the others just a useless hunk of metal. They couldn't secure any kind of shelter for more than a night. Food was becoming nearly impossible to find and it was like all the water in the state had suddenly dried up. And, after nearly three weeks of just being dumped on day after day and not being able to catch a break in any sense, not only was group morale completely non-existent, but the survivors themselves were barely hanging on. It felt more like they were just shuffling through life the way the dead were.

Speaking of the dead...

Tess spared a glance over her shoulder, keeping an eye on the large group of walkers trailing them. They had shown up earlier that morning, and with everyone's energy levels bordering on empty from the lack of proper food or water and constantly being on the move, they were just able to keep up enough of a distance between them and the horde to not have to engage in any fighting, though gradually throughout the day they were gaining ground on them. Tess was at the back of the pack, having to keep an even slower pace than what she was capable of to accommodate Luke, his little body feeling the effects worse than the adults. Everyone made an effort to make sure both he and Judith got the first of any rations they could come across, but they couldn't give what they didn't have.

She turned back forward when she was satisfied the walkers weren't dangerously close, yet, but at this snail's pace it wouldn't be much longer until they were. She was stopped moments later when Luke came to a complete stand still. She turned to face him as he sluggishly leaned against her leg. She couldn't help the slightly frustrated sigh that left her lips.

"C'mon bud, we gotta keep movin'. Just for a little bit." she tried to explain to him, knowing full well it was a lie but she couldn't let them stop. Not here, not now.

He shook his head with a pout, raising his hands to sign out to her.

Tired

Tess about near started crying right then and there. Just like every remaining member of the group she was tired, hungry, thirsty, uninspired and mostly unmotivated. She felt horrible for having to push Luke so hard and - as was happening more and more - was feeling like a complete failure of a guardian for him in every way possible.

"Okay," she began with another heavy sigh. "Alright big guy, how 'bout a piggyback ride?" 

He gave her a barely there nod, clearly lethargic from the lack of nutrition and water. She switched the backpack she was carrying to her front so he would be able to hold onto her and bent down so he could climb on. "Hop on."

He did so with minimal trouble, but it was Tess who had problems. Once she was sure he had a firm hold around her neck she went to stand back up and immediately stumbled, just barely catching her footing before she took them both to the ground. She made sure she was steady before crouching down again, undoing Luke's arms from her neck.

"Okay, new plan." she mumbled, mostly to herself. She took the backpack off and replaced it to its original spot on her back before turning to Luke with the intention of trying to carry him on the front of her, but halted in her movements when she caught a glimpse of the following horde. Or, more specifically, a woman walker in the front line that looked all too familiar.

She stared intently for another few moments before cursing to herself under her breath. She knew exactly what it was, knew it was just her mind playing tricks on her largely thanks to the dehydration effects. It had started the day before; trouble concentrating and dizziness, cramps and muscle fatigue, the usual. Apparently now it had upgraded to minor hallucinations.

She knew it wasn't real. Knew she wasn't real. She was holding on with a white knuckle grip to that one fact, that she was still coherent enough to be able to tell the difference. So why couldn't she stop staring?

She jumped slightly when a gentle hand landed on her shoulder.

"Hey," Tara spoke, her concerned eyes finally able to get Tess' own to lock on hers. "How're you holding up? Feeling as shitty as you look, by chance?" she threw out lightly, trying to ease the tension she could see growing on Tess' face.

Tess made a non committal noise at the back of her throat and, despite her best efforts not to, she couldn't stop the minor glances she kept throwing towards the group of the dead. It was easy for Tara to spot that clearly something more than just the horde of walkers had gotten to Tess. The apprehension that continued to grow on her face and the way her eyes had gone somewhat vacant in her constant glances towards them a dead giveaway.

"Do you need a few minutes?" she ventured to ask. "Maybe, maybe go take a walk alone, gather yourself?" she spoke lowly in an effort not to worry Luke.

Tess threw conflicted eyes Tara's way, desperately wanting to do just that, take a moment to just go collect herself in the privacy of the surrounding woods the way several of the others had throughout the day. But her eyes traveled to Luke, not sure what to do about him.

"It's cool," Tara cut into her train of thought. "The little dude and I will be fine."

Tess worried her bottom lip between her teeth, still unsure.

"He can't walk anymore."

Tara just waved her off. "Like I said, we're cool. It just so happens that I," she began explaining as she knelt down and gestured for Luke to climb on her back the same way Tess had attempted to. "Am an expert piggyback ride giver. I, uh," she grunted slightly as she stood back to her full height, stumbling a little also like Tess had, causing Tess to reach a hand out to help her get steady again. "I had a lot of practice."

That's right, Tess thought to herself. Tara had a niece that she had lost, along with her older sister. She couldn't remember when it had come up, the days seeming to just blur together more and more now, but it had come up briefly. Just once, when the two of them had been alone searching a lot of abandoned cars they had come across.

She could see the painful memories start to cloud Tara's eyes some, hating the feeling that she was contributing to it in some way. It was the one thing that kept her hesitant to leave.

"Are you sure?" she questioned, not missing the way Tara did seem much more balanced and secure with Luke on her back then she had been herself. Tara just gave her a lazy smile.

"Positive. Besides, I've got some dirty words to teach him, and you'll ruin the surprise if you stick around."

Tess just shook her head with a small snort. She didn't know how she did it, but she did admire the way Tara attempted to use her off-beat humor to lighten the mood when times were tough. So, with a thankful nod and pat on Luke's back, she slowly made her way off the road and into the woods.

She didn't venture too far, not wanting to risk being too detached from the group but needing just a few minutes completely to herself to try to get her head back on straight. When she felt she was in a safe enough area she crouched down in front of a tree, scrubbing her hands down her face and rubbing at her eyes, trying anything to clear up the haziness that had been setting in. That's when she heard the weighted, shuffling sound of footsteps from behind her, spinning around quickly with her right hand going down to her bowie strapped to her leg and stopping short when she caught sight of the walker that had come her way.

It was hardly the first time she had seen her mom since her death. Sometimes the ghost of her would be alive, often she'd be just like this. But in either form, she never presented the way she should have. The wound that killed her was never there.

Tess waited there in her still partially crouched position, keeping her eyes glued to the form swaying in front of her. Waiting. Waiting for the nasty comments, the insults, the blame that always came from her mother's mouth but was met with silence save for the walker's gurgles and growls.

"Dammit Tess," she mumbled to herself with a shake of her head and casting her eyes downwards. "Get it together. You know better."

She startled a little when the walker suddenly took a wobbly step forward, causing her to clumsily get to her feet. She took a step back before stopping, looking the monster in its dead eyes and forcing herself to hold her ground. It couldn't hurt her. It wasn't real. She just needed to prove it to her mind, face her fears in a sense. 

As if only now just really noticing her, the walker lasered in on her, the prospects of a fresh meal evident by the increased volume of its moans and groans.

It would have been much easier if it was just her sight she was battling against. But it was the other added senses that were starting to trip her up.

"Not real..."

It moved like a real walker. Sounded like a real walker. 

Tess felt her hands shaking as the body steadily made its way closer. She felt like she could smell the rotting getting stronger the nearer it got.

"It's not real..."

She felt her fingertips graze the top of the knife hilt as the remaining flesh and bone of hands reached out for her. She couldn't move though, wouldn't until her mind could see that this thing couldn't do anything to her. Physically. She just had to let it play out so she could come out on the other side.

"You're. Not. Real."

So why was she so positive that she could feel the rotted finger tips ghosting over her neck?

Her hand came up just as she watched the walker's jaws come snapping at her face, pushing the body back with as much force as she could muster. She could feel the firm weight of the body under her palm, could feel the way her hand sunk into the decaying flesh from the force of her slamming the body into the tree behind it. And she sure as hell felt the way her bowie penetrated its skull. The hard resistance of the first few strikes gradually giving way to smoother, wetter sounding jabs.

She couldn't stop now. It felt like tunnel vision as she repeatedly brought her knife into the skull of the dead one. Everything else tuned out and all she could hear was her own grunting and heavy breaths. With one last swing she rammed her knife into the last remaining bits of the walker's face, the knife embedding into the bark behind it with the force.

Now the near faceless form of the walker more closely resembled what her mother's real reanimated corpse would look like.

She let her arms fall heavily to her sides as she stared at the limp limbs before her. Her labored breathing was cut out by the mild ringing that was suddenly in her ear. Perfectly in line with what you would see in a movie, she watched as the image of the walker before her slowly started to dissipate, beginning at the edges and working its way towards the center, blowing away into the windless sky like dandelion dust. When it was done, the only remnants that remained was her bowie that was protruding out of the tree trunk.

"Well that was an interestin' show."

There was a minor delay in her reaction, but when she finally grasped onto the voice and looked behind her to see Abraham staring at her with a hard look everything came rushing in, leaving her a little dizzy.

Fuck.

As easily as she could, Tess turned back to the tree, absentmindedly swiping her fingers over her chin where it almost felt like blood drops were drying and used what minimal strength she had left to remove her bowie from the tree.

"Hey," she tried for nonchalance. "Everything alright?"

"From the looks of things, I'd say no."

She tensed up and felt her skin go prickly at the accusing tone of his voice. The look he was giving her was worse.

"...It's fine." she threw at him with a hard swallow. "I'm fine."

"Right," he responded with an unamused snort. "Because fine people generally tend to attack unsuspectin' trees."

Tess felt her defenses kick in the same time she felt the spark ignite on her frustration and anger. It was too much. The group losses, the lack of food and water, the ever dropping strength levels, the hallucinations...she was so fed up with it all and so done with once again not being able to catch a break that she felt the last grip on her emotions vanish as she abruptly turned around and started making her way back to the road. Back to the group. Back to Luke. Anywhere but being stuck there with Abraham.

He wasn't letting her get away easily though.

"Hey, I'm talkin' to you!"

She had to make a real effort to fight back against the urge to strike out. It was making her skin crawl, the way he was hot on her heels as she tired to get out of the suddenly too confining area of woods. It felt so much like the nightmares she had, constantly trying to outrun a presence behind her that wouldn't leave her be.

"I told you, I'm fine." she shot back, trying to instill as much finality into her tone as she could to knock him off, but knew it was fruitless. The guy was military, always mission based. He was like a dog with a bone when he latched onto something and at the moment, she was the bone.

"Yeah, you're always fine, aren't you? Well, sorry darlin', looks like someone is finally gonna have to step up and call bullshit on that one. Clearly, you're anything but fine."

"Well..." she floundered slightly as she finally made her way through the tree line, turning around to face the mountain of a man currently on her tail as her feet met the asphalt road, waving one hand around the air in front of her wildly as if it would explain things away for her. "Seein' as you're not a doctor, you'll have to excuse me if I take your opinion with a grain of salt."

She turned back to the road, trying not to be affected by the many turning heads looking their way to see what the newfound commotion was about. She was making her way towards Tara, intent on taking guardianship of Luke back when his voice cut back in.

"Don't need to be a doctor to know crazy when I see it."

The words stopped her in her tracks completely, her eyes adverting to the ground when every other pair were now officially on her and the unfolding drama. She tried to clear the lump swiftly forming in her throat as she got her feet moving again.

"Whoa, hey, what's goin' on?" Rick questioned as he made his way from the front of the group.

"Nothin'." she muttered as she passed him and dodged out of the way of the hand he was bringing up to place on her shoulder. The last thing she needed was to be trapped by his firm hold and penetrating gaze that he was so good at. No thanks.

"Nothin' my ass, what's goin' on is your girl here is losin' her shit."

Tess spun around quickly just as she had made it to Tara and Luke's side. "I am not losin' anything!" she bit back vehemently.

"No? So you always talk to yourself and attack imaginary things then?" 

That revelation seemed to have everyone turning back towards her, waiting on some kind of elaboration. But, once again, Tess found herself frozen to the spot and unable to respond. The embarrassment and shame and feeling of being trapped in the moment causing tears to spring to her eyes. Had she been looking or been in a clear enough state of mind to be aware of her surroundings, she would have noticed how recognition started to color the looks of three of her co-group members.

With her distraction, Rick was finally able to get a hand on Tess' shoulder, being as gentle as he could with the woman before him. 

"Hey, Tess look at me, talk to me," he waited for her watery eyes to focus on his. "What happened?"

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, words finally coming out softly as she strained to get them over that still forming lump.

"I just...I just got a little confused, is all." she provided.

Rick felt his features soften more as he took in her words and the storm of emotion in her eyes. It was something he could relate to, after all. And he knew he sure wouldn't have wanted his own behavior from before to be outed in front of the whole group like that. It had been bad enough just knowing that the group knew he had been slipping without being cornered and bombarded with it.

He gave what he hoped was a comforting squeeze, hoped she was seeing him enough to see the understanding he was trying to silently convey to her.

"Ok, it's ok," he reassured. "We're all runnin' on empty, we're all strugglin', but we just gotta try to stay focused, work together to find -"

"That all for one, one for all kumbaya crap is sweet and all but do you think we can cut the shit already and face facts here: she's becomin' a danger to the group." Abraham's hard voiced laid out.

Rick was quick to respond, taking his hand from Tess' shoulder to turn to face Abraham full on. "Now wait just a second, a danger?" he asked with his head tilting, eyes narrowing slightly. "Don't you think that's just a little much?"

Abraham looked as though he couldn't believe no one else could see what he could see. His irritation evident by his rapidly rising voice.

"An armed woman walkin' around who ain't with it enough at the moment to know what's real and what isn't? Hell no I don't consider that a little much, I think the rest of you are bein' foolish if you don't see that as a problem."

"Who the hell asked ya?"

It was Daryl who cut in this time, coming up behind Rick and Tess, having heard about enough already.

His words were met by Abraham's humorless laugh. "Right, and here comes her guard dog for the save, naturally," he continued on, fully ignoring the sour looks both Daryl and Tess sent him for the comment. "Look, if the rest of you wanna turn a blind eye out of fear of hurtin' someone's feelin's, then so be it. But I'll be goddamned if I let a clear threat to the safety of my people go by unchecked because of it."

Tess was done.

"I don't need you watchin' out for me," she told him lowly, taking the glock he had originally given her out of its holster and handing it pistol grip first to Rick while keeping her eyes locked on Abraham the whole time. If he thought she was such a clear and present danger, then he could have his damn gun back for all she cared. "I took care of myself long before you, I'm sure I'll manage just fine long after without you."

"Right," he drawled out lazily, dubiously. "Well you'll just have to excuse me, sweetheart, if I take your opinion with a grain of salt." he bit out, clearly mocking her own words to him a few minutes prior.

Tess could actually feel the anger slowly twisting her face up, cutting off the beginning protests of Rick and Daryl with her sudden growl. "You know, I'm not even sure who the hell you're talkin' to, cause, I ain't your sweetheart, sweetheart," she all but spat at him before taking a step towards him with dark eyes. "I ain't your anything."

She ignored his own flash of anger and she finally turned away, pushing between Rick and Daryl and walking away, grabbing a hold of Luke's hand as she passed him and Tara and ignoring Tara's calls as she did so. Her rage was building and she just wanted to run and scream and be gone. She began wandering a little aimlessly when the tears started falling, unable to clearly see or focus on the road in front of her and was so emotionally drained she didn't fight off the hands that landed on her elbow and back and started guiding her back into the privacy of the concealed woods.

When they came to a stop a few minutes later she tried to focus on Luke tightly wrapped around her leg, letting him ground her as she wiped roughly at the tears running down her cheeks.

"Just take your time." Michonne's smooth voice coaxed from next to her.

Tess nodded along as she brought a hand down to run through Luke's curls. She looked down when he tapped her leg.

Sad?

She shook her head no, trying to come up with a simple way to explain to him that it was ok and he didn't need to worry. She decided he said it best earlier and signed back to him.

Tired

She let out a long, exhaustion filled sigh as she looked up at Michonne's patient face, feeling the need to explain and be heard by someone.

"It's not that I don't know, I do," she began. "It's just...I just see it, sometimes. And I know, I know it's not real," she insisted, praying that she was making sense to Michonne in some way. "but sometimes it just...creeps in and breaks through anyways." she finished with a helpless shrug.

She could have started crying all over again at the understanding shining on Michonne's face.

"I," she started before quickly hesitating. "I used to talk to my, my boyfriend and his friend. They were both gone already, but, it would help. Kind of like a coping mechanism, I guess. I just...needed something to grab onto, you know? Something I could focus on to keep going and to keep distracted from everything else around me."

It felt odd, to be given a glimpse into this part of Michonne. She always came off as so confident and guarded to Tess, calculated and always thinking. To be granted a peek at this more vulnerable side of her, for her to be willing to share this with Tess was a comfort in ways Tess wouldn't be able to express. 

Michonne watched as relief lifted Tess' face, glad to have someone who understood.

"Can we," Tess looked to Michonne in question. "Can we just wait, just a few minutes before we go back?"

Michonne gave her a small but comforting smile, thinking how Tess suddenly looked so much more like a child in the moment. "Of course, we've got time."

Chapter Text

Naturally, when Tess, Luke and Michonne did make their way back to the group it was only to be met with another problem. The horde of walkers had made ground and were now too close to ignore anymore. There was a mild commotion of how best to deal with the issue at hand. Sasha, who was clearly and understandably still reeling from the loss of Tyreese and Bob, was letting her grief fueled anger guide her and was just itching to take a fighting stand while Rick wanted to be more strategic about their approach, choosing to use the overpass they had come upon and the steep ravine on either side to their advantage by luring the walkers close and then pushing them over.

Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie, Abraham and Sasha stayed to complete the task while the others waited on the other side of the bridge. Things were going surprisingly ok to begin with, but then Sasha broke rank and started going after the walkers with her knife, ignoring Michonne as she tried to get her back in line.

"What is she doing?" Tara whispered from besides Tess, to which Tess could only shrug wordlessly.

Eventually the others had to follow suit in order to keep Sasha from getting overcrowded, though she barely seemed to notice. Or care. She nearly cut Michonne with one of her wayward swings and did slice Abraham's arm. Rick nearly got bit by another walker, which had both Tara and Tess reaching to keep ahold of Carl when he made a move to go help his father. Thankfully Daryl arrived back just in time to intervene on Rick's behalf, dispatching of the walker by grabbing it by its hair and causing the top half of its head to rip off its skull. The whole debacle finally ended with Michonne having to forcefully push Sasha to the ground and taking out the last two.

After checking that everyone was ok - and a strong reprimanding from Michonne to Sasha - the group continued on foot down the seemingly never ending road. At one point they came across more abandoned cars, only to come up empty once again, save for a little action figure Luke happened to spot on the front seat of one of the cars Tess and Tara were looking through. And, apparently, a bottle of alcohol that Abraham had found. Not long after that it was clear to everyone that they were all about to drop so Rick signaled them to stop on the side of the road, the lot of them situated as best they could under the trees, trying to cling to what minimal shading they had to offer.

Tess was rubbing Luke's legs, trying to help alleviate some of the cramping pain. She was becoming increasingly concerned with the toll all of this was taking on his body, made all the more prominent when he became all but dead weight in her lap. She was hoping he could get some form of a decent nap in while they were resting at their makeshift checkpoint. She was vaguely listening to the conversation Tara, Rosita and Eugene were having over the dangers and uselessness of Abraham cracking open that bottle of his that he found, only tuning in fully when Eugene uttered the one line anybody who had ever seen any kind of horror movie knew was an instant bad omen.

"And I truly do not know if things can get worse."

After a pause, Rosita answered him dully. "They can."

Tess was just getting ready to shoot them a line about being careful of jinxing things anymore when the sound of rustling and growling had everyone's heads turning to the other side of the road, being met with a pack of vicious looking dogs emerging from the woods, quickly going on the defense when they spotted the humans across from them.

"Oh you gotta be fuckin' me..." Tess murmured from her spot behind Tara.

The four dogs started growling more and more in a threatening manner, clearly getting ready to attack. As the rest of the group prepared to fight them off, Tess slowly moved Luke into a sitting position, waking him in the process and getting a firm hold on her bowie and preparing to defend him. Just as the dogs seemed about to pounce, though, Sasha was on her feet with her rifle in hand and swiftly dispatched of all of the dogs just in time, putting them all down. The group looked at the stoic woman in stunned silence, Luke waking fully from his slumber just in time to only comprehend that she had killed some doggies. Rick wordlessly got up and started making his way over to the fallen hounds, grabbing a handful of branches and snapping them in half on his way. His intentions more then clear.

Tess felt her stomach roll at the understanding.

A short time later saw them all with a portion of dog meat in front of them, some having more trouble than others getting it down. Tess was really struggling, having always been a picky eater with a horrible gag reflex. Apocalypse or not, old habits still die hard. The only way she could stomach it was by ripping off small bites and swallowing it whole. She wasn't going for taste, after all, just substance. Luke, however, was having none of it. He was flat out refusing to so much as even give it a try. Not that she could particularly blame him. Even with being an adult with full knowledge and understanding of how important and valuable food of any kind was she still couldn't deny what a mental block it was to choke down the very food you just watched be slaughtered in front of you. It didn't make it any better that this was Fido they were talking about.

"Luke, honey, c'mon. You gotta eat somethin'," she began, trying to appeal to him in some way. "Look, it's good, see?" she took another small piece of hers and popped it in her mouth, fighting back the strong grimace that wanted to overtake her features and swallowing it with a forced smile. "Mmmm."

He only shook his head stubbornly, causing Glenn to jump in to try, talking to Luke using some of the sign language he had picked up.

"You know / L-U-K-E / You're / Lucky / I / wish / I / had some / More." 

He simply stared at Glenn blankly before pushing his meat into his hands. The gesture had both Maggie and Tara biting back small laughs and Tess closing her eyes, not sure whether to join in or cry at this point. When she opened them back up, she and the others noticed Luke was zeroed in on something, all of them turning to see he was focused on Daryl who was digging into his meat with enthusiasm. Daryl, suddenly sensing eyes on him, stopped his movements and looked up to see the others looking at him. He looked like he was going to say something snarky at first, about the way they were just staring at him, but then locked eyes with Luke and held back. He must have gotten the gist of what was going on, for he suddenly motioned to the meat Glenn had placed back in front of Luke with a head nod.

"You don' eat tha', I will."

Tess - thinking they must have looked like a group of tennis spectators with the way they were silently moving their heads back and forth between the two - waited with bated breath to see if Luke would go for it. It had become pretty apparent over time to most everyone that Luke had taken a strong liking to Daryl, often trying to go off with the hunter and copy what he did. 

After an agonizing amount of time, Luke finally, cautiously, reached for the smallest piece of meat in front of him and brought it up to his mouth before tentatively taking a small nibble. The look on his face was enough for anyone to gauge that the taste was not at all agreeing with him, but little by little he made his way through it while Tess silently released the breath she had been holding in relief, sending Daryl a small nod of thanks that he returned before going back to his own meal.

When he was finished Tess reached for him and pulled him into her lap once again.

"Good boy. See, told ya it was good." she said as she ruffled his hair playfully.

She noticed too late the sudden tinge of green coloring his face.

Without any other warning he opened his mouth and proceeded to throw up all over her neck and down the front of her shirt, making her freeze.

Amazing how she was able to kill walkers all day but a little boy vomiting on her had her nauseous and fighting to keep her own stomach under control. 

"Joys of motherhood." Tara threw out, far too amused for Tess' liking in the moment. With pursed lips, Tess let out a deep sigh before standing Luke up and then standing herself, grabbing the backpack that contained their things and mumbling a 'be right back' to her companions before grabbing Luke's hand and walking them just far enough away that she could clean them - primarily her - both up with a little privacy.

"Okay," she knelt down in front of him, digging through the bag to first locate one of the small water bottles she had left, giving him the last two sips so he wouldn't have to go around with the icky aftertaste of vile left in his mouth. After he swallowed the water she used the bottom of her own shirt to wipe up what little vomit had dribbled down his chin before determining there was no need to change his shirt at all, only hers. She then removed her shirt, leaving her in just her bra for the moment, and wiped down her own neck and chest area as best she could before balling the soiled shirt up and shoving it to the bottom of the pack and pulling out the only decently clean top she had left. It was covered in mud and blood and God only knew what else, but at least she wouldn't smell like rancid puke. 

She quickly pulled the shirt over her head and zipped the bag back up before standing and walking them back to the group.

- x -

Far too soon and the group were once again wandering down the road in search of...anything.

Tess had Luke riding on her back, able to keep them both up this time around. She was a bit lost in her thoughts, unable to curb the curiosity of where Daryl had disappeared to so suddenly - again - when she noticed that everyone in front of her had come to a stop, looking at something laying in the middle of the road.  She came up to Tara's side to see there was a pile of bottled water sitting there, along with a note that simply read:

From A Friend

Tension quickly filled the air, nervous eyes darting all around to see if there were any possible threats coming their way with weapons partially raised. The water sat there like a mirage straight out of a movie, save the fresh water was far more inviting than some floating island. But, there was no way to know where it came from, no way to know if it was safe to actually drink and not tampered with in some way.

Daryl rejoined them a moment later, Rick showing him the note, leading him to instantly go on guard just like the others had.

"What else are we gonna do?" Tara wondered aloud.

"Not this," Rick responded, the finality in his tone unmistakable as he continued to survey their surroundings. "We don't know who left it."

Eugene, however, didn't at all seem to be in agreement with the rest of the group, staring at the inviting water almost as if in a trance.

"If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it. But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend."

Carol interjected next. "What if it isn't? And they put something in it?"

But Eugene wasn't listening, gaze locked on the water before marching forward to grab one of the smaller bottles.

"Eugene..."

Rosita began to warn while Tara also cut in. "What are you doing dude?"

"Quality assurance!"

He got the lid off the bottle and was just about to take a chug when Abraham stepped forward and harshly knocked the bottle from his hands, sending what might as well have been liquid gold splashing across the pavement. Everyone looked on in silence, completely dejected. It was such a tease, to have it right there in front of them like that while at the same time it might as well have been a hundred miles away for all the good it was doing them. Or not doing them, in this case. Like having the forbidden fruit right in their grasp but still just a hair out of reach.

"We can't." Rick stated, again leaving no room for argument.

Almost as soon as the words left his mouth though, the thick silence amongst them was cut with the sound of thunder rumbling and cracking before fat drops started to rain from the sky, lightly at first before turning into a full on downpour. 

Maybe, just maybe, they were finally catching a break.

Tess tipped her head back slightly, almost mesmerized by the feeling of the cool water hitting her face, sending a feeling of being refreshed almost instantly throughout her body. She eased Luke down her back so he could stand on his own, kneeling in front of him and instructing him to tip his head back to catch the rainfall in his mouth just as Carl and Eugene were. She watched him, as well as looked around at her fellow companions and was completely taken by the way they too seemed to be awakened by the change in weather, it seeming to wash away the bad that had been clinging to them for so long. There was a mixture of relief and stunned laughter as they all relished in it, Michonne and Carol leaning against each other gleefully and Tara and Rosita laying themselves down on the road to enjoy the shower, submerged in a fit of giggles. Even Luke, who was barely able to hold himself up not that long ago, was trying to jump around in the small puddles that were quickly forming. 

Tess sat herself down as well, enjoying the moment of rest and the lightness that was now filling Luke's face. The horrors of the world prevented her from seeing it often, and it had been far too long since she'd seen it last. The funeral home would have been the last time, sitting at the piano or playing Go Fish with Beth.

The sudden thought of the young girl caused Tess to look around again, finally catching the morose looks adorning the faces of Maggie, Daryl and Sasha. Then there was Gabriel, who almost appeared to be crying and saying something to himself that she couldn't catch.

After allowing them several minutes to just enjoy the change of events, Rick started giving out instructions to everyone.

"Everybody get the bags. Anything you can find."

They all moved quickly, grabbing anything they had that could contain water. Tess grabbed the three empty bottles she had in her bag to add to the pile they had started to be filled.

However, almost as soon as they began the thunder started rumbling again, this time much louder as it clapped and boomed above and all around them. It became evident that there was a big storm coming their way, and fast. Luke made a bee line back to Tess, clutching her arm tightly as she wrapped it around him. From the time she had known him storms had always made him anxious.

"Hey, it's okay, I got ya." she tried to soothe.

"Let's keep moving." Rick yelled over the roar of the thunder. They needed to find some form of cover and fast, that much was inherently clear. The question was where though. They hadn't had any luck in that department recently, why would it suddenly change now?

Maybe they weren't catching much of a break after all.

"There's a barn." Daryl spoke over the growing noise.

"Where?" Rick inquired.

They all gathered their stuff, Tess picking Luke up in her arms again as he clung to the front of her and buried his face in her neck. The group followed Daryl as he led them through the woods he had come out of to a small path that led to an old barn.

With Luke having no intentions of letting go of Tess anytime soon, Rick instructed her to hang back with Carl and Judith while the others cleared the inside and guarded the outside while they did so. Much to Carl's chagrin as always. He also handed back the glock she had given him earlier, forcing it in her hands when she stubbornly went to protest.

"I hate it when he treats me like a kid like that." Carl grumbled once his father was out of earshot.

"Enjoy the break kid, they don't happen often." Tess replied, earning a minor glare in return. She did admire his spirit and desire to help out and protect the way he did. There was no doubt he was his father's son. She also gave a worried glance to the small bundle of Judith cradled in his arms, the blanket she was wrapped in completely soaked. The last thing they needed was a sick baby.

With Luke still holding onto her, she carefully brought the backpack in her hand up and unzipped it, digging around a little before finding and pulling out the rolled up blanket that she would cover Luke up with at night and tipping her head towards Carl.

"Switch with me." she instructed while pushing them under the thin tree branches in an attempt to keep the dry blanket that way longer. Carl unwrapped Judith gently, handing the wet blanket to Tess who just threw it over her shoulder for the time being. He then quickly wrapping the fresh one around the baby.

"Thanks."

Tess gave him a brief nod, softly running the back of her hand over Judith's face to determine if there was any fever starting, mostly just to have something to do with her hands as her own anxiousness was growing along with the storm, and then tucked the blanket snugly around her head and neck.

Not long after Rick came back out and gave the all clear, calling them over and ushering them inside before barricading the door shut behind them. It would be a long night waiting out the storm.

- x -

Tess was alone, sat against one of the barn's support beams later on that evening. Once inside everyone immediately began going to task, making sure any doors were secured and searching the barn for anything they could find. Tess stuck by Carl and Judith, helping him dry her off and making sure she was settled. She got Luke untangled from her long enough to locate some blankets, taking the pile from the small room inside the barn, actively ignoring the dead walker that was also inside. She brought them back out and got a few bundled up to create a soft little bed for Judith to rest in. When she was satisfied with the state of the Grimes kids she turned her attention back to Luke, getting him dried up and wrapping a blanket around him to keep him warm. He was still freaked by the storm, and Tess couldn't deny that the howling wind echoing around the old barn was creepy.

She eventually led him away to the other side of the barn near another set of doors, taking the offered lantern Glenn handed to her so she could read to him and try to distract him some. He finally started to settle down some time after, eventually succumbing to his exhaustion and falling asleep with his head in her lap. 

She was running her fingers through his hair, feeling how tired she was down to her bones. She could feel her own lids starting to droop when she felt someone walk by her, looking to see Daryl pacing in front of her and appearing slightly agitated. She was surprised when the hunter didn't even appear to notice her, then immediately was a little worried by that fact. He always noticed everything.

"Hey." she called out to him lightly, causing him to spin around abruptly, relaxing when he seen it was just her.

"Hey."

A heavy silence followed, one Tess wasn't very happy with. It wasn't often she felt the need to fill the silence with Daryl, create small talk. But there was just something about the way he was carrying himself, he seemed so...burdened.

She didn't like it.

She bit the corner of her lip as she watched his mild pacing continue, trying to come up with something to say before giving up and going with the obvious.

"Long day, huh?"

He turned to her again, stopping for a moment before slowly walking towards her, sparing a glance at Luke before bringing himself to a sitting position in front of her.

"Yeah," he began, letting out a long sigh. "Long day."

Silence overtook again, but though he still looked troubled it was much closer to the comfortable companion silence she had grown accustomed to with him. After a few minutes she started to feel his intense gaze on her, looking up and meeting his guarded eyes.

"How's yer head?" 

She furrowed her brows, not understanding what he was talking about seeing as she hadn't hurt her head, but then it clicked. He wasn't talking physically. He was referring to the incident earlier that day.

She inhaled a big breath with raised eyebrows. "All clear...for now, I guess."

He nodded his understanding and then brought his hand up to his mouth to start biting on his thumbnail. Tess was fairly certain there was something he wanted to say, but seeing as he never pushed her to talk she wanted to give him the same courtesy and respect. Her patience was rewarded a few minutes later when his soft, gruff voice filled the space between them again.

"My brother," he began, looking up nervously to see he had her full attention. "Back at the beginnin', back when we were on the farm...I had a bit of a accident, hit my head pretty hard, knocked myself out. When I woke up, I..." he stopped again, struggling to find the words to express himself the way he wanted and also just with the notion of opening up like this. Tess waited patiently, glad to give him all the time he needed but having the moment interrupted by some noise outside the nearby barn doors that didn't quite sound like the noise from the storm. 

They both glanced over, Daryl getting up with his crossbow to take a look. He walked over slowly, peering through the crack in the doors before quickly dropping his weapon which instantly had Tess on alert.

"Shit!"

Tess got up as quickly as she could, cradling Luke's head so it wouldn't hit the floor with her movements as Daryl hurriedly wrapped the excess chain that had been used to keep the doors shut around the handles for added support.

"What is -" Tess started to ask, only to jump slightly when the doors suddenly and forcefully pushed back against Daryl's weight.

No, she thought to herself, please don't be...

Her and Daryl locked eyes.

"Get the others!" he ordered.

Tess turned, catching Luke's now awake and worried eyes and instructing him to stay while she ran over to where the others were gathered.

"Rick!" she hollered out, instantly grabbing his and everyone else's attention before turning to head back to Daryl. "We need help!"

She could hear them all rushing after her, all of them making their way to a very much struggling Daryl and started throwing themselves against the doors to help him keep the barricade between them and the dead outside who were eagerly trying to break their way in. She pushed Luke towards the front of the barn and told him to go sit with the baby before also joining the group to help hold their ground.

It was a massive fight, the roaring thunder and howling winds seeming to scream all around them and rising to a frightening crescendo in time with the battle. They could not waver or back down though, if those walkers got in it'd be game over. They had to hold tight, hold together as one united group.

10 more seconds

Tess kept repeating the mantra to herself in her head.

They just had to hold on a little while longer.

- x- 

The first morning light saw the group huddled together towards the center of the barn. It seemed never ending, but for whatever the cause, eventually the walkers that were so desperate to get in finally appeared to dissipate, giving the group a much needed reprieve and allowing them to finally rest. 

Not that Tess could.

Between the raging storm that just finally passed completely not even an hour beforehand, the close call with the walkers and everything before and in between, her nerves were frazzled and fried and her anxiety was going through the roof. She needed a moment to just get some fresh air, starting to feel too trapped in the barn, and a chance to gather herself. Seeing Maggie and Sasha make their way outside she figured it was ok for her to follow suit.

She made sure Luke was sleeping soundly up on the stack of hay she had placed him on, tucking the blanket around him before slipping out herself.

She was stopped dead in her tracks by the sight that awaited her.

Now she knew what had happened to the horde.

It looked like a complete war zone, fallen trees everywhere as well as bodies scattered all around. Some were impaled, others were trapped under fallen debris while a few had actually been decapitated by flying tree limbs. Apparently the storm had been good for something after all.

Tess carefully made her way around the mess, making her way to the path that led them to the barn before taking a seat against a downed tree. She shook her arms out, rotating her wrists until they cracked and then wiggling her fingers to help shake out the jitters. She blew out a breath, rubbing her hands down her face and then rubbing her temples as she leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Having the clean, fresh air blowing around her, smelling the fresh scent of recent rain, she was just starting to feel a tick better when she felt it. A presence that instantly rose the hairs on the back of her neck.

Slowly she turned her head slightly to the left, fingers inching towards the glock Rick had made her take back and abruptly jumping up and pulling it from its holster to aim in front of her steadily with both hands.

She swallowed down the lump of fear that was bubbling in her throat.

"I know you're there," she stated quietly, steadily as she could. "Come on out."

She waited anxiously and with bated breath for what seemed like an eternity before finally a figure emerged from the trees. A man, maybe a few years older than herself at most, made his way towards her, hands raised to show he wasn't carrying anything but not seeming all that concerned with her gun pointed at him. That alone made Tess' hackles rise more.

"Hello," he greeted kindly. "I know this is...stranger danger, but -"

"Who are you?" Tess demanded, cutting him off.

He gave a warm, friendly smile. "I'm a friend."

Chapter Text

"I'm a friend."

Tess felt a small shiver of fear go down her spine at the man's words. He may not have looked all that threatening, but looks were easily deceiving and the last time she came across strange men in the woods talking about 'friends', it didn't go too well for her.

She kept her gun raised and steady, thinking over his words a bit before it started clicking.

"A friend, huh?" she commented before her brow pinched. "You left that water yesterday? On the road?"

"I did."

"Why?" she shot out quickly.

"Because I'm here to help. Actually, I, I'd like to talk to the person in charge. Rick, right?"

Unconsciously, Tess took a step back. How the hell did he know Rick's name? Or that he was the leader of the group for that matter? As far as Tess could tell, there was only one way.

"You've been watchin' us?" she asked, equal parts suspicious and incredulous.

For the first time, the man seemed to hesitate. "I...yes, I have."

"Why?" she repeated for the second time.

"Well, it's my job. I look for people, good people, and then I bring them back."

A flash of Gareth and Terminus went through her mind and her face hardened as she checked to make sure the hammer on her glock was pulled back fully.

"You take them back where?"

The man raised his hands slightly higher at her move. "Home. It's a community, a safe place. There's a lot of us," he watched her for several seconds when she stayed silent. He knew there was always mistrust when he encountered new people, but in watching this group he never figured she would be such a hard nut to crack. "I, I can show you, if you'd like? I have pictures in my pack."

Tess mulled it over in her head, contemplating before deciding it was only a minor risk to look through the man's bag.

"You got weapons on you, yeah?"

"I do." he answered with a small nod.

"Toss 'em to me, all of 'em, slowly." she instructed.

He followed her command, slowly tossing over a gun and two knives to land at her feet before holding his hands up again. Tess carefully leaned down to pick up each item one by one, keeping her gun trained on him still as she placed the two knives through her belt and then placed the gun in the waistband at the back of her pants. When she stood back up she wordlessly pointed to his backpack with the muzzle of her gun. He began to remove it from his shoulders, again making sure his movements were slow and easy to placate her.

He tossed it lightly to land at her feet. Tess used the heel of her boot to kick the bag backwards a few feet before walking back herself, wanting a little more distance between her and this guy if she was going to be putting any kind of focus on the contents inside. If he was gonna make a move, she wanted at least a tiny heads up and room to react.

With one last look to ensure he was rooted to his spot and didn't appear to be trying anything, she crouched back down, using her right hand to still keep her gun trained on him while she used her left to unzip the pack. It took a moment's struggle, trying to get the zipper undone with one hand, but once she did she reached in, grabbing blindly at objects and alternating between quick glances at him and the things she was pulling out.

"Actually the photos are in the front pocket there," he began, pointing to the exact pocket he was referring to.

"Don't. Move." she warned, hard eyes trained on his face. He raised both hands in surrender once more and mumbled an apology.

She went back to examining the contents that came from inside the pack, most of it standard gear that anyone who was lucky enough to have a decent collection of survival items would have. The two things that stood out to her the most were an odd looking gun, which to her best guess was some kind of flare gun - though she couldn't be sure - and several small canned jars of what seemed to be applesauce.

"Applesauce," he confirmed at her questioning look. "We have quite a collection of apple trees nearby. Like our own private little orchard, I guess you could say."

Tess nodded absently at the information, not really caring too much about apple trees and a little more weary about what use he could have for having a flare gun. Was it to signal people? Warn them? Scare them away in hopes they didn't realize it wasn't an actual gun with bullets? A last ditch attempt at protection against humans and walkers alike in a pinch? The questions whirled around her mind as she quickly placed the random items back in the pack before zipping it up and finally letting her hand go towards the front pocket he originally wanted her to look at.

The whole time she couldn't help but hear the small voice in the back of her mind, the one that kept reminding her that despite how weary she was of this whole situation, she couldn't quite bring herself, much as she felt she should, to actually feel threatened by him at all. Too much, anyways.

She pulled a small stack of photos out, placing them on the ground and picking them up one at a time so she could look at them without having to lower her gun hand at all, all the while the mystery man telling her about the new camera they had recently come across, and what a blessing it had been because words could only do so much but pictures could actually show people what a great thing they had going. She looked through picture after picture, some from the outside that showcased tall gates and walls to keep walkers and unwanted intruders out, some from inside that featured groups of people together, smiling in front of houses that looked far too out of place in this new world. He had been right in his ramblings as she was going through them, the picture quality was a bit fuzzy and definitely left something to be desired, but the only thing she was really focused on were those walls. That secured gate. If this guy was being truthful and this place really was legit, this was exactly the kind of thing they had been looking for. Praying for. This was the kind of safe haven where Luke could be protected from the brutality and danger that came with living on the road. The kind of magical protection she had always wanted to give him. Not only him, of course. Judith, Carl...the whole group that had taken her in, her and Luke both, and treated them as their own.

Potentially.

Placing the photos back in the pocket, zipping it up and slinging it over her left shoulder, she rose back to her full height and regarded him once again as her grandfather's voice filtered through her ear. The same words that came through when she first met Daryl and Beth.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

She nodded once to herself, as if answering him, before looking the man square in the eye.

"What's your name?"

"Aaron, I'm Aaron."

"And you realize," she began with a stoney edge to her voice, a warning. "That if I take you to them, take you to Rick, and you try anything...it ain't gonna end well for you."

There was a pass of nervousness across his features before he nodded resolutely. "I do."

With a final breath to steady her own nerves, she motioned with the muzzle of her gun again for him to start walking back towards the barn.

"You stay in front of me, keep your hands up where I can see them at all times, got it?"

"I do." he repeated.

They were walking back down the path Tess had taken, making sure to keep a good five feet between him and herself when she suddenly remembered. She had seen Maggie and Sasha leave the barn right before she did. But she didn't see them around anywhere when she had exited the barn, and you could see both sides from their vantage point from the rear of the barn, which meant they must have gone around to the front.

"Stop." she suddenly ordered Aaron, which he did immediately.

If Maggie and Sasha were still outside, it might be better to group up with them first before leading him straight into the barn on her own. Strength in numbers and all. But, at the same time, if this was a set up of some kind, which she was losing belief in more and more by the minute that it was, but if it was she'd be putting them in danger. Though it could be argued that she was already taking that risk by bringing him to the barn where the others were residing at all. At least this way, she'd have two other people to get a read on him first.

Mind made up, she instructed Aaron to keep walking, only this time they veered off to head towards the front of the barn. Just as they were turning the corner, Tess could hear faint laughter, knowing they must have found the girls. Before she could warn him to keep his mouth shut, Aaron let out a friendly hello, same as he had done with her, and with the distance between them she heard a second before she saw Maggie and Sasha jump to attention and draw their own weapons. Aaron's tentative 'whoa' only confirming her assumptions. When Tess herself came into their line of sight, their stern and weary glances morphed into more ones of confusion.

"Tess?" Maggie began. "What's goin' on?"

Tess looked at both women before answering. "This is Aaron," she began to explain. "He's the one who left the water yesterday. Says he wants to help. Also says he wants to talk to Rick."

She made sure to emphasize that last part, letting them know that this guy already knew about them. Both women's looks hardened, same as Tess' had at the realization, but before they could question it everyone's attention was drawn to the sudden music streaming from the previously broken music box Carl had given Maggie the day before.

Whether or not it was a good omen or bad, they would all soon find out together.

Chapter Text

After another round of questioning and explanations the three women, along with Aaron, started making their way back into the barn. Maggie took the lead, Tess handing off the weapons she had confiscated from him and holding onto his pack. Aaron was right behind her with Sasha behind him, rifle trained on him and Tess bringing up the rear, her own gun still pointed at the new stranger. When they got to the doors Maggie called out a 'hey' to give the group inside a heads up before entering. She waited just a beat before pushing the door open.

"Everyone," she began, walking tentatively. "This is Aaron."

The second she stepped aside to reveal the man Tess could hear a chorus of weapons being drawn and guns being cocked before seeing from her position at the rear that everyone inside had immediately jumped to attention, making Aaron freeze in place. Daryl hurriedly made his way to the doors with his crossbow in hand as Sasha walked through, doing a quick scan of the surrounding area to check for any visible threats and stopping to lock eyes with Tess, the clear, unspoken question of 'what's goin' on?' swimming within depths of icy blue suspicion. All she could do was tilt her head as her lips pulled down at the corners in answer. He quickly ushered her inside with a hand on her shoulder and then immediately went about patting Aaron down to check for weapons as Tara got the doors shut and secured again while Maggie continued on.

"We met him outside, he's by himself. We took his weapons and we took his gear."

The tension in the room was palpable. Mistrusted looks and pointed weapons from nearly everyone. Tess could clearly see Aaron was starting to squirm a bit under the intense scrutiny, appearing far more nervous than he had during his short interactions with herself and the girls.

It seemed he couldn't quite take the heavy silence any longer, finally letting out a 'hello' to everyone, Judith instantly starting to cry the moment he did so.

Rick gave a silent nod to Carl, the young boy moving to take Judith in his own arms and pulling Luke back with him a little when the boy saw Tess and went to start walking towards her. She held a hand up to him silently to let him know to stay put. Aaron, not one to give up easily on an edgy crowd again tried to build communication.

"It's nice to meet you."

He took a step forward towards Rick with one hand still raised in the air and the other reaching out to offer a handshake to Rick. He was halted in his tracks when, again, guns were raised and aimed directly at him.

"You said he had a weapon?" Rick asked, speaking for the first time. Maggie walked over to hand him the gun and two knives Tess had taken off of Aaron and given to her before they came in. Rick handed the two knives off to Michonne before checking over the gun, tinkering with it a bit before placing it in the waistband of his jeans.

"There somethin' you need?" he asked him lowly.

"He has a camp. Nearby," Sasha began, sounding just as unimpressed with the appearance of this man and what he had to say as she looked. "He wants us to audition, for membership."

Aaron let out a light, nervous chuckle. "I...wish there was another word. Audition makes it sound like we're some kind of a dance troupe," he paused for a moment when he was met with continued silence and stoic looks. "That's only on friday nights." 

Tess nearly groaned out loud. She could understand him wanting and trying to break the ice, but this guy seriously needed to learn how to read a room. Still, he persisted.

"Um, and it's not a camp. It's a community. I, I think you all would make valuable additions. But," he paused, nerves becoming a bit more evident, to Tess' ears at least, the longer he stood there in front of the cold audience without receiving much of any kind of response. "It's not my call. My job is to convince you all to follow me back home."

Tess took a moment to take in Glenn's face, noticing that despite clearly being weary - as they rightfully should be - his interest seemed to be piqued some at the prospect of having a place, a safe place to finally settle into while still trying to keep a mostly neutral expression in place. She also spared a glance to her left where Tara stood, trying to get a read on where she stood but only got an unsure tip of her head. Rick, though, was a different story, shoulders squaring back at the very mention of following this unknown stranger back to an unknown location. She couldn't blame him, she may have brought him to the group on little more than the possibility of maybe stumbling into some long needed good fortune, but it didn't negate the fact that - given the world now - the whole thing seemed a little too good to be true.

Aaron, noting the more aggressive stance from Rick was quick to continue. "I know. If I were you, I wouldn't go either. Not until I knew exactly what I was getting into," Hands still raised he turned slightly to the woman on his left. "Sasha, can you hand Rick my pack?" Sasha was slow to respond, staring the new stranger down before turning to Tess with a barely restrained sigh and took the pack in question from her shoulder so Tess wouldn't have to lower her weapon at all and made her way to hand it off to Rick.

"Front pocket, there's an envelope." he then proceeded to give Rick and the other group members the same speech he had given Tess before, about how there'd be no way to properly explain how special this community of his was without actually showing them, again apologizing for the poor picture quality and the tale of how they just found an old camera before Daryl briskly cut him off with a 'nobody gives a shit.'

But, it seemed Aaron had gained a newfound confidence when Rick actually began looking through the photos, apparently taking Rick's continued silence as a breakthrough and continuing on with a new sense of gusto about the safety of the walls, the strength of the structure and people always on guard to ensure nothing gets in, alive or dead, without their say so. Tess had to hand it to the guy, he was sounding every bit the expert used car salesman as he almost excitedly began talking about how the only thing more important than the safety were the actual people.

However, during his attempt at rallying he failed to see the look shared between Rick and Michonne, a look that had Rick striding towards Aaron with a purpose. A look that caused Rick to throw a knockout punch before Aaron could finish his latest sentence, instantly dropping the guy to the floor in an unconscious heap. Daryl was quick to check that he was actually out as Maggie dropped to a crouched position, a hand over her mouth at the unexpected outburst while Carol came over to assist Daryl in another check of all his pockets for any hidden weapons and whatnot, leaving everyone else to just kind of stand around dumbly, not sure how to proceed from this point.

Rick just shook his hand out slightly before calmly walking back to his original spot on the other side of the barn, not before being stopped by an irritated Michonne.

"So we're clear, that look wasn't a 'let's attack that man' look. It was a 'he seems like an okay guy to me' look."

But Rick merely shrugged off her words, going into full on no nonsense leader mode. "We got to secure him," he began, turning to Carl to start dolling out orders. "Dump his pack. Let's see what this guy really is."

"Rick..." Michonne tried again but was ignored as he continued on.

"Everybody else, we need eyes in every direction. They're coming for us. We might not know how or when, but they are."

Maggie, still crouched down in front of Aaron - and also not particularly thrilled with the way things were currently playing out - was the next to try to reason with Rick that maybe this wasn't all bad. "Me and Sasha, we didn't see him. If he had wanted to hurt us, he could've."

But Rick wasn't hearing any of it, checking with everyone if they could see anything outside, instructing everyone to keep looking and to stay vigilant.

Tess let out a sigh, tucking her gun away finally and speaking a little absentmindedly. "Same here."

And like deja vu, just like in her beginning days and weeks with the group, Tess suddenly found all eyes on her, carrying varying degrees of surprise and question. All except Rick's, that is. No, Rick had a more hardened look in his.

"What?"

Tess froze a bit under the intense gaze, a little unsure about the sudden change in his demeanor towards her, a look much more suspicious than he had ever directed at her taking over his features.

"I..." she began, not happy with the way she suddenly felt she herself were on trial for something as her throat went a little dry. "I, met him first out on the backside of the barn. I went to get a little air and he could've easily gotten the jump on me if he were actually interested in hurtin' any of us."

"So you brought him here?" he tried to clarify, Tess very much feeling like the underlying indignation she could hear wasn't just in her own mind. Especially when taken into account the way the tension that was already in the room had intensified and everyone else was looking between the two now like they were unsure where this line of questioning was going.

"I...did."

In a flash, or at least that's how it felt to her, Rick was across the room and in her face and had a near bruising grip on her arm before she could even acknowledge he was moving. Not just that though, he had his grip on her upper right arm, and that was when things really came close to going off the rails.

Daryl, noticing that same wild look enter her eyes that he himself had experienced first hand, jumped to his feet and followed along as Rick dragged her to the corner by the front doors, ready to jump in should she lash out. And Tess felt it too, the autopilot need to strike out but, fortunately, was able to reign it in before she actually did. Daryl stayed close by though, silently inserting himself into whatever conversation Rick was planning on having with her. He couldn't claim to be overly thrilled that this Aaron guy had been brought into their lives, but he also couldn't argue the fact that it would have been a much more dangerous choice to just part ways without him and let him go his own way to do who knew what. Or maybe it was more he wasn't very happy with the fact that she had snuck out on her own without letting him know. Or letting anyone know, that is. Or maybe he wasn't quite sure which part he found most displeasing, but the one thing he did know for sure was he did not like the way Rick was manhandling her.

"What the hell were you thinkin', huh?! Bringin' that man right to us, to my children, and most likely the rest of his people at that?" Rick all but sneered in her face.

Once the fog of flashbacks from the clearing and unwanted touches cleared, Tess felt her own anger finally begin to rise, roughly snatching her arm out of Rick's grip. "Hey!" she began, the edge her own voice carried immediately reminding Daryl of the way it would be the handful of times the topic of her attack and how she came to first meet himself and Beth. "I have a kid here too, remember? Do you honestly think I would just personally escort the guy here if I thought for one second there was any chance of him being a dangerous threat?! He's the one who left the water on the road, he's already been followin' us, like me and Maggie have been tryin' to say if he wanted to or meant to do any harm, he could have done so easily by now. Especially if he had a big group waitin' out in the wings for a signal, we were sittin' fuckin' ducks in this barn all night."

Tess stopped her mini tirade to take a breath and blow out a breath of frustration. However when she met Rick's eyes again, the storm still brewing there had her faltering, very much losing the bravado she had just seconds before and found herself fidgeting with her hands, trying to find the nerve to not cave in her standing up to him and for herself and finish pleading her case. "Look, I..." she took a nervous swallow to try to moisten her now dry throat. "I just think it wouldn't hurt to hear him out a little. If things sound iffy or don't jive up, then...then we dump him off somewhere and continue on our way. No harm, no foul."

Even she couldn't deny the fact that she finished off quite lamely. 

Rick continued to give her what she could only describe as a somewhat mild death glare before turning around to once again address the rest of the group. She subconsciously rubbed at her arm where Rick had had a hold on her, turning to see Daryl's penetrative look and ever silent question.

You good?

She simply gave him a minute nod before they both turned back around to focus on Rick's new orders for everyone.

Not that it could be considered any kind of surprise anymore, but she could just feel that, clearly, this was going to be a long, most probably rough day.

Oh joy...

Chapter Text

Aaron came to several minutes later and was immediately pounced on by Rick once again. Questions about the flare gun, who was it to signal, how many of them were out there. Aaron continued to do himself no favors by saying it wouldn't matter how many people he said were out there since he wasn't going to trust his word anyways. When Rick wouldn't budge on the guilty verdict he'd already assigned to the man, Aaron proposed driving them all there, to show them in person and prove what he was saying was true. It was then that Michonne put her foot down, going head to head with Rick and telling him he could be as certain as he wanted about this being a set up but she wasn't, and she wasn't giving up on the chance of something good until she was. Maggie was quick to back her up, Glenn immediately volunteering to go out with them to search. And though Tess didn't much feel like her opinion was warranted or wanted, she silently nodded along from where she stood, earning her own appraising look from Daryl that she missed.

Knowing full well he had officially been overruled, Rick enlisted Abraham and Rosita to join the group as well and told the remaining members to team up in groups of two to check the surrounding area and look for signs of people, traps, anything. Tess had assumed she was part of that group, checking she had her weapons on her and going to tell Luke that she'd be back soon and to sit tight, but Rick cut her off and informed her there was no need.

"You're stayin' here, with me." 

She was just barely able to bite her tongue, not appreciating being benched, again, by this man she had chosen to follow. For his teen son at that. She understood his skepticism over the whole thing, knew it couldn't be easy to shoulder the weight of keeping everyone safe, trying to trust people when you've been so brutally burned so many times. And that didn't even include the things they had gone through before she met them. But the fact that he was being so blatant in his newfound distrust in her, like he had to keep an eye on her really pissed her off. She had thought, just maybe, that by now she had proven herself to him, to all of them.

After getting a hold of her anger, she made her way over to Luke, taking a seat by him on the hay bale he was sitting on and wrapping an arm around him, pulling him a little closer to her side and selfishly using him as a way to ground herself a bit more. He snuggled into her side, still obviously drained from the last few days. Weeks. Whatever it had been. They watched silently as Rick did another round of shifting through Aaron's belongings, all the while Aaron refusing to give up on the hardened man pacing around in front of him. Luke watched on with rapt attention, at one point turning and tugging on Tess' shirt to get her attention. She looked down with slightly raised brows, letting him know she was listening.

He pointed at Rick. Mad?

Tess sighed, her eyes following Rick as he began crushing up acorns in a bowl for a fussy Judith.

She shook her head a little as she leaned down so she could murmur in his ear. "Yeah buddy, but only because he's /worried./ He just wants to keep everyone /safe./ "

Luke looked back to Rick, then a long look to Aaron before returning his gaze to Tess once more and pointing at Aaron.

Bad?

Tess looked to the tied up man, still begging with Rick, and shook her head lightly. 

"No, I don't think so."

It was then that Judith's fussing turned into a full on crying session, the noise making an already on edge Aaron start to panic about her cries bringing the dead their way, knowing Rick would leave him there to die with no remorse. He tried offering the applesauce to feed to her, perking up Tess' ears as she remembered she could be feeding some of that to Luke as well. She was about to get up to grab one of the jars to split between the kids when Rick beat her to it, taking the jar and bringing it to Aaron and demanding he eat it first to prove it hadn't been tampered with, an insinuation that made Aaron noticeably horrified.

"You think I'm trying to poison your baby daughter? I'm tied up and you've already expressed a willingness to stab me in the head, how would cruelly killing your daughter in front of you in any way help the situation?"

Rick shook his head adamantly, trying to latch onto any reasoning he could conjure up about how this was simply a trick. "Maybe she doesn't die. Maybe she gets sick and you're the only one who can help her and I just lose."

Tess couldn't help but close her eyes in empathetic frustration. She knew she was, naturally, being a bit of a hypocrite, considering the things she passed up on doing before based on that simple 'what if?' floating around her head, but she wished there was a way to reach Rick and get him to understand that, for once at least, this was not a fight he needed to be geared up for.

"I am the only one that can help her because I have applesauce and we all win."

Rick stared him down for a few tense moments before shoving a spoonful of applesauce in his face, a silent demand that he take the first bite as proof of his honesty. A move that had Aaron palling even more.

"I hate applesauce," he blanched more when Rick responded by simply shoving the spoon closer to his mouth, that almost wild look Tess had seen glimpses of entering his eyes and she couldn't help but rise to her feet. "My mom used to make me eat foods I didn't like to make me more manly. Salmon patties, applesauce, onions...she was a very confused woman who tried her damndest. I just bring the jar to show that we have apple trees nearby!"

Rick just leveled him with a cold look followed by a clear threat. "Like you said, you'll be the first to go."

Tess had enough and, though she would never dare try to compare herself to the badass warrior, decided to take a page out of Michonne's book and just put her foot down. Repercussions be damned. She marched over to the two men, taking advantage of their distraction and swiping the spoon out of Rick's hand, earning a disgruntled warning of 'don't' and shoved it into her own mouth before he could protest anymore.

She made a face, never being much of an applesauce fan herself, and handed the spoon back to Rick, doing her best to not quake under his heavy stare. 

"It's just applesauce," she said lowly, earning a disapproving look before she saw the cave in, him reaching to test his own bite and finally deciding it was safe. He jumped up and rushed back to the table where the jar was sitting and began feeding Judith, giving her the spoon with a gob of the mixture on it for her to nibble on. He then grabbed the second jar, holding it out for Tess and nodding towards Luke as explanation. Tess took it with what she hoped came across as a thankful look, walking back over to Luke and opening the jar for him, handing him the extra spoon she swiped off the table and watched as he gingerly dug in. She hated the fact that he was so used to going hungry that he automatically knew he had to go slow without her telling him so.

As the kids ate Aaron spoke up again. "The community is big enough. We can find you a place to live that even when she cries," he looked to Tess and Luke then. "If he wants to run around screaming with the other kids," he brought his focus back to Rick. "No one, nothing can hear it outside the walls."

Rick continued his now slower pacing, gazing upon Judith in his arms enjoying her applesauce, to Tess and then back to Aaron with an almost blank expression.

"You got forty three minutes."

-x-

Fortunately for Aaron, he didn't need the full forty three minutes. About twenty minutes after the applesauce fiasco the group patrolling the surrounding area returned, all with nothing to report. And it wasn't too much longer after that that the others returned with not only no news of ambushes to report, but a whole stockpile of food and supplies as well. One would have thought that that would be it, this was the proof needed for Rick to see this was real and this was the something they had all been searching for. But he surprised everyone when he upheld the cold demeanor and informed Aaron that this stuff was now theirs, whether they decided to go with him or not.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't we go?" Carl asked, genuinely confused.

"If he were lying or he wanted to hurt us," Michonne interjected softly, again working to get through to the man before her. "But he isn't, and he doesn't," She then squared her shoulders, shifting back into no nonsense mode and glancing around to everyone as she spoke, making sure she was being heard clearly. "We need this. So we're going. All of us. Somebody say something if they feel differently," she ended with a challenge.

There was a moment of everyone looking at everyone else, the silence finally being broken by Daryl's grunt from where he sat on the floor.

"I don' know man, this barn smells like horse shit."

Rick gave him a long look, one of their silent conversations taking place before Rick looked around at the rest of the faces of their group.

With a lowered head and sigh of resignation, he looked back to his followers with a nod.

"Yeah. We're goin'."

Tess felt a bump on her leg and looked down to see Luke giving her an excited smile that she did her best to return. She wouldn't deny she wanted to check this place out, give it a shot, but she also wanted to manage expectations should things not work out.

There was one more slight stand off when the topic of this place's location came about. Rick refusing to leave and arrive in the middle of the day without knowing just where he was going and taking his family to, and Aaron refusing to give up more than which road to start on. When it was clear they were locked in a stalemate Rick made it final. They would leave in the evening, which wasn't the most appealing idea to a lot of them, Tess included, but it was settled and everyone was told to get something to eat and to try and rest some if they could.

Despite there being plenty with the stock pile taken from Aaron's RV, Tess was going to wait until everyone else had gotten their choices first. Seeing as Luke had already had the applesauce she felt a little greedy jumping up to get more. After a few minutes though Daryl walked by, handing Luke an open can of Spaghetti-O's and her a small box of cereal, along with a bag of jerky and pack of crackers for the two to share. Naturally she was surprised and he was gone before she could say thank you, but when he sat down in the corner with his own can of beans, he glanced up and caught her eye so she brought a hand up.

Thank you

He gave a minute nod and went back to his meal. She tried to do the same but the first bite of jerky she went to nibble on she felt that familiar chill run up her neck before the barely there whisper started in. Had she been fully with it she would have known to be expecting it after her heated interaction with Rick, but she hadn't been and she wasn't so the surprise had her dropping the bag of jerky in her hands. Luke looked, giving her a mild look as she shrugged with a muttered 'opps' while she bent down to pick it up.

Rick might have warned them it would be a long night, but it seemed it would be a long day for Tess as well.

-x-

She spent most of the day tucked in the small room in the barn. She hadn't had any desire to step foot in there after the discovery of a starved walker when they first swept the place yesterday, but Luke had gone snooping around in there and found a five hundred piece puzzle he had gotten very excited about. She wasn't quite sure why, it was nothing special, just a landscape photo of some beach, but he had been absolutely bubbling with excitement over it so she happily joined him. Some of the others joined them throughout the day, namely Noah and Tara. Noah spent a good bit of time chatting with Luke, going on about one particular Halloween where a late start due to his mom working overtime led to a late night trick or treating run where most of the houses they went to just dumped their remaining candy in their bags, resulting in a literal candy mountain when they came home. Tara mostly just teased him in her Tara like way about her being faster at finding the right pieces than him, leading to a mini face off. They even took little breaks in between to practice sign language with him. Carl also stopped by for a few minutes but quickly lost interest in the mundane activity. The boy reminded her so much of those young soldiers you'd see who were always itching for battle. She spent quite a bit of time lamenting in her head the fact that he was forced to grow into such a personality.

By the time nightfall came around and Rick gave the order for everyone to pack up their things, minimal as they were, they had just finished up, Luke eagerly bringing everyone one by one to see, Tess watching on warmly as even the most stoic of their group came to humor the boy. Even Rick gave him a small congratulatory pat on the shoulder before resuming leader mode. But of course he was most interested in Daryl's opinion, to which he got a grunt and a high five that left him beaming.

They were informed they'd be leaving in two groups; Rick, Michonne and Glenn would take Aaron in his car, leading the RV where the rest of them would be. Tess sat herself and Luke down on the bench by the back room, Luke knocking out almost immediately after refusing to nap at all during the day and leave his puzzle. Tess, who also hadn't slept a wink, felt how heavy her own eyes were and how bleary her sight was after spending the day staring at small puzzle pieces. By the time the RV got moving she could no longer keep them open and felt herself slipping into unconsciousness. She was just about out when a sudden shrill cry had her jumping back to alertness. She glanced to her right into the room where Carl was pacing around with Judith. She watched him struggle for a few minutes before she carefully rose up and gently laid Luke down fully before walking into the room.

"She givin' you trouble?"

Carl spared her a glance before going back to bouncing Judith. "I don't know what she wants. She's eaten, her diaper has been changed, she doesn't want to go down for a nap..."

Tess walked over to the slightly frazzled boy, putting a light hand on his back and gently running a hand over Judith's head, letting out a small hum as she did so.

"It's probably got more to do with us than her."

"What do you mean?" Carl asked quizzically.

"Everyone's stressed out, uptight, nervous about what we might be walkin' into. She can pick up on that and it's makin' her anxious about the weird energy floatin' around," she held her arms somewhat hesitantly, her incident with Rick still lingering in her mind - as well as that damn chill and unwanted whispers. "Can I?"

Without a second thought Carl carefully transferred his squirming sister to Tess' waiting arms. She let out another sharp cry at the motion but went back to whimpers and snivels as Tess began bouncing her lightly.

"Is that it, hm little Miss? All of us silly adults gettin' on your nerves?"

They were met with disgruntled garbles.

Carl let out a massive sigh and Tess could see how worn out the boy was and how trying to calm Judith was draining him.

"Hey, I can watch her for a bit if you want? You should get somethin' to eat," she leaned in some and lowered her voice. "You didn't hear it from me, but I have it on good authority that Eugene is a crap blackjack player, and they're currently playin' for some pretty high ticket snack items out there."

Carl gave a small smile at her attempt at light-heartedness, but then his face went serious again.

"No, I, I can't ask you to do that."

Tess couldn't help but smile some. "You're not askin', I'm offerin'," When he still looked unsure, she tried a different tactic. "Besides, it's more of a trade. I can handle her for a bit and you can keep an eye on Luke for me. What do you say? Deal?"

He debated for a moment before finally giving in, unable to hide the relief on his face. Not that Tess would dare point that out. He went to leave but turned to Tess.

"Thanks, Tess."

She gave him a small smile, "Don't mention it."

Her full focus went back to Judith who looked to be on the verge of a full meltdown watching her brother walk away.

"Shh, shh, shh, it's ok, he's not goin' anywhere. I know, everything just feels funky, don't it?" Judith started to calm down at the question, face still scrunched up with crocodile tears and lightly punched against Tess' chest with a balled up little fist to showcase her agreeance. "It's sucky, believe me girl, I know," she softly rubbed the child's back as Judith tucked her head under Tess' chin. "But if you can just put up with us for a little while longer, I think things are gonna get better for us. Think you can hold on just a little bit longer?"

The whimpers and angry garbles died down, replaced by minor coos and small hiccups every so often. Tess began lightly humming Baby Mine, not particularly sure why seeing as the movie Dumbo - where she first heard the tune - messed her up so much as a kid. But Judith seemed to enjoy it so she continued. She was interrupted by the RV's sudden sharp swerve.

She gasped as she lost her balance, arms tightening around Judith and holding her head protectively against her chest as she started stumbling before she was able to shift her weight just enough to have her falling on the edge of the bed rather than the floor. The RV swayed a few more times before straightening back out again, Tess releasing the breath she'd been holding and little Jude releasing a new string of cries.

"Yeah, I agree," she mumbled as she stood them back up and swiftly made her way out of the room. Carl met her at the door after having helped Luke to sit up, eyes immediately accessing Judith before holding his hands out for her. Tess gently transferred her over to her brother while inquiring what happened.

"A herd, they were able to clear a path up ahead but we lost sight of where they went," he explained nervously while he adjusted his sister to rest on his hip.

Tess leaned down and brought a hand up to the side of Luke's face. "Ok?" He answered with a nod as he wiped the remaining sleep from his eyes.

They drove along for several minutes, trying to figure out where they were aiming to go when a flare going up was spotted. Hoping that perhaps it was from their missing group members they followed it to the outskirts of a small town. The water tower was their only point of reference so they headed that way, turning down an alleyway that led to an old warehouse. They quickly took notice of a small cluster of walkers congregating around an old junk car and it didn't take long to figure they were after someone. Daryl, Abraham, Rosita and Sasha jumped out and dispatched of the dead efficiently before locating the injured and frightened man trapped underneath. They were able to get his leg unpinned, and after he introduced himself as Eric - Aaron's partner and the one who had shot the flare - got him settled inside where Maggie checked him over and deduced it was a broken ankle, enlisting Tess' help to get it splintered and wrapped. While they worked with him the others started checking around the place, making sure it was clear and safe. When the building and the perimeter were secure, Daryl took post outside, hoping to catch wind of their still missing people.

Roughly an hour went by before they showed up. The whistled tune that Daryl would cast out every few minutes was finally answered and Daryl gave three knocks on the window to inform everyone. Tess and Maggie, who were still sat with Eric, were alerted to their arrival by Aaron shouting for him. Maggie jumped to her feet, eager to set eyes on Glenn while Eric called out for Aaron, letting him know where he was. They gathered and reunited as a full group once more just as the two men did. When Aaron came back out, clearly overcome with emotion and gratitude, he thanked them all for saving Eric by insisting he would do whatever he could to repay the un-repayable debt when they got home, announcing the location of Alexandria as a show of faith and trust.

And, after a long and trying day, Aaron finally put his foot down when Rick tried to insist he and Eric stay separated for the night, just to be cautious. It seemed everyone thought things might come to blows when Glenn stepped in and, after a hushed conversation, was able to convince Rick to ease up. A watch schedule was set up, Abraham volunteering for first watch while everyone else started picking their designated sleeping spots for the night. If all the fuss and excitement of the day had been good for anything, it was that Tess was able to get Luke set up and asleep within minutes of laying him down. The very first really bad spell they had ever gone through together had the boy so worn out he slept any second they weren't actively moving and it had stressed her out to no end, freaked out over how much he was sleeping and how hard it was to wake him up. Now she was just relieved he could take advantage of every spare second to cram some rest in. 

She wished she could have done the same.

She was going on forty eight hours of no sleep and she wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and relieve them of the burn that wouldn't let up, but every time she tried she'd be interrupted, and no amount of knowing that the culprit wasn't real helped. A few hours into the night she gave up and took over for a groggy Tara when she went to relieve Sasha on watch duty. She perched herself up on a transformer box on the side of the building, got comfortable and tried to focus on the faint noises of the night as opposed to the intrusive ones in her head.

She was set to be out there for two hours before having Glenn take over, but when the time rolled around she let him be, refusing to cost him any sleep when she'd just be staring at the ceiling anyways. She was in the middle of trying to recall what movie the nearby water tower reminded her so much of when she heard the squeak of the warehouse door opening and closing, followed by light footsteps that preceded Daryl turning the corner. He walked by her, giving a disapproving look before continuing on, going down the entire length of the alley before making his way back. 

"Ya were 'spose to wake someone to switch off," he said as he leaned against the wall near where she was sitting.

She tried to mask the guilty tone she felt her voice now carried under his stare. "I know, but I'm not gonna be sleepin' anyways and I was good to stay out here."

Daryl spared her a long look out of the corner of his eye, wondering if she was aware just how full of shit she was or if it was just that ingrained in her, that much of an automated response to be 'fine'. She had been closed off since her little row with Rick that morning, and he definitely didn't miss how off she'd been since they had settled in at this warehouse. More fidgety than normal, would suddenly glance off to the side as if answering someone who called her before quickly readjusting her focus when she'd catch herself...he wasn't judging, but her head certainly wasn't as cleared up as she tried to play off in the barn.

He thought of trying to send her in again, give some bullshit reasoning involving Luke as persuasion, but before he could get a word out it happened again. He clocked that barely there flinch, the embarrassment that crept onto her features as she realized she had an audience, the frustration as she tried to play it off. He let her have a few minutes before speaking up.

"Ya know," he began softly, gentle in a way that still amazed her to hear come out of him. "Tha' ain't ever gonna stop if ya don't get some actual sleep."

She felt her cheeks heat up in a way she was sure he could spot even in the dark, expelling a huff of air. "I know," she brought her legs up and folded them under her, running her hands up and down her thighs to stave off the nervous energy. "Except, I can't sleep because I keep hearing it," she let the silence between them stretch on a moment before adding, "Woman always was persistent."

He said nothing but gave a small nod, allowing that to be the end of it if she didn't want to discuss it further. But the more the minutes passed the more she felt that uncomfortable itch set in and the need to fill the silence.

"And besides, you're one to talk, you know? Do you ever actually sleep at all? Anything much more than a quick power nap?"

She was going for casual teasing but was promptly put in her place by his response.

"I ain't the one seein' ghosts."

She turned his way and was met with a pointed look, but one filled with understanding nonetheless. She waited for the defensive prickle to rise within her but it never came. He wasn't badgering or accusing, he was just stating a fact that she couldn't deny. That was fair. She could allow that. But then a thought occurred to her - 

Speaking of ghosts...

"You never finished your story."

"Wha' story?"

"Said you got hurt when you guys were stayin' at Maggie's farm, somethin' 'bout your brother?"

She felt his unease more than she saw the discomfort on his face. Several moments went by and she began thinking she had overstepped. She began chastising herself in her head. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. If he had he would have brought it up again himself. She was just being nosey and pushy and -

"Jus' think," he paused, trying to gather the words he wanted. "Sometimes ya need to hear it, whatever it is, an' it needs to come from the person with the most impact, give ya the motivation to overcome whatever's goin' on jus' ta spite 'em."

"...A different kind of nightmare fuel, then?"

A snort. "Yeah, somethin' like tha'."

Daryl hopped up onto the box next to her, laying his bow across his lap as he brought out some jerky to pass between them. At some point Tess closed her eyes just to give them a rest, and when she next opened them the sun was peeking over the buildings and she found the sweetest form of hypocrisy awaiting her: Daryl, who had stayed up the remainder of the night on his own on watch duty just so she could get those few hours of sleep in without having to wake her.

Chapter Text

They got back on the road with little fanfare. The RV was filled with the quiet, though mostly excited murmurs of what awaited them at their new destination. Alexandria. The name made it sound so majestic, regal in Tess’ mind and she wondered just how it could possibly live up to that image. She may not have been part of many groups since the world ended, but she had come across a good few. Campgrounds and makeshift areas comprised of a mix matched collection of people, systems in place that served the bare minimum and not much else. The stories she had heard of what this group had made for themselves at the prison seemed like the new world’s version of high brow living and despite Aaron’s stories of this community and his grainy photos, she just couldn’t fathom this place being able to top that the way he claimed. Not that it would take much longer to find out. After a forced pit stop to change out the battery on the RV they were pulling up in front of the tall gates that had only been a blurry idea until this moment.

Tess watched as everyone slowly started filing out of the vehicle, allowing Aaron to pass by with a limping Eric before she turned to an expectant Luke, giving him as much of a encouraging smile as she could muster up.

“Let’s go, big guy.”

They stepped out of the RV, coming to stand near Tara as everyone huddled nearby each other while taking in the scene before them, all eyes showing the shock of what lay before them.

Tall, metal walls working as a blockade around, presumably, the entire property. A rough iron fence standing as the entrance point with what appeared to be a secondary rolling fence acting as a second barrier behind it. Several rooftops of seemingly quite large houses that they could see from their angle. A bell tower a little ways in the distance standing tall over some invisible structure. It was far more than that, though. It was the sound. Peaceful 'hellos' being exchanged. Children laughing. A hypnotic sound that seemed absolutely foreign in this world.

The very loud, very sudden sound of banging metal. 

In a flash the entire group turned as one, hands reaching for guns and knives and anything else available as a bolt went sailing through the air and into the source of danger. The new, unknown threat.

Or the poor opossum that had chosen that exact moment to jump out of a nearby stray garbage can.

Daryl walked over to the offending creature and picked it up by the tail just as the gate was slid open to reveal a very confused, slightly unnerved looking man. He gave him a brief glance before holding up the opossum higher.

“We brough’ dinner.”

Tess nearly choked biting back her laugh. Was happy to see Tara also struggling to contain a smile.

Aaron stepped forward and waved the new guy off, telling him it was ok before beckoning the group forward. They marched in with as much confidence as they could fake but we're clearly hesitant, a feeling only made more obvious when the screech of the closing gate sounded. Tess could see the unease and vague panic flicker across everyone’s faces the same as she was sure it did hers at the mere thought of being locked in in any way. She felt her hearing go muffled just as tension started climbing more at new guy’s insistence they all hand over their weapons. She felt her hand tighten some around Luke’s as a mini stand off took place, all the while she couldn’t tear her eyes away from that now fully closed and locked gate. Flashes of locked train cars entering the forefront of her mind.

She was just on the verge of spiraling when Luke yanked on her hand, drawing her attention to the group now making their way further into the community. She took just a moment to chastise herself for already letting herself get so distracted in this new situation without having a full read on the place yet before hurrying to follow along.

She feared it was about to be a long day as she struggled to remember why she had been one of the ones who wanted to come here

-x-

They had been brought to the community’s leader, Deanna. Former congresswoman Deanna Monroe, to be precise. Apparently. She was a woman tiny in statue but large in presence who completely commanded the room the second she entered it. She politely introduced herself, gave some flowery spiel about how happy she was to meet them all and was looking forward to getting to know them more personally before swiftly locking herself behind a set of doors, only to have Aaron start escorting them individually to speak with her one on one.

Seemed these were those auditions he had mentioned.

Ever the leader, Rick went first. The room the rest of them were left behind in filled with a deafening silence that was only broken when Rick eventually re-emerged, still looking slightly unsettled but perhaps a little less ready to murder and gave the go ahead for the next person to enter. When Tess was finally tagged in by Carol for her turn she coudn’t believe how strongly she was struck by that feeling of dread she felt the one time she had been called into the principal’s office when she was thirteen. She ruffled Luke’s hair some as she stood, subconsciously pushing him in Daryl’s direction as she made her way down the hall and into the ominous looking room.

She lingered in the doorway uncomfortably, not sure what to do with herself until Deanna turned and beckoned her on with a practiced smile.

“Tess, please, have a seat.”

She gestured to a small loveseat stationed across from where she sat and Tess quietly made her way over, taking immediate notice of the traces of dirt left behind on the, what she could only assume had been a pristinely white couch. If the looks of the rest of the place were anything to go by. She paused before sitting down gingerly, now even more aware of what a state they were in and how this group of near feral looking misfits must look to the people around here.

“I hope it’s alright that I record this, It’s standard practice around here,” Tess glanced up from the spot on the carpet she had been concentrating on to notice the video recorder stationed on a tripod for the first time, red light blinking almost mockingly, it felt, at her. “Simply for records, a way to preserve the past for the future, if you will.”

It seemed pretty clear to Tess it wasn’t a choice of hers if the camera was on or off but she supposed being given the illusion of having a say in the matter was nice enough so she simply nodded with a barely there tight lipped smile.

Deanna smiled warmly in return. “Great! Well then, first things first: Can you state your full name for the record?”

From the principal’s room straight to the courtroom, it seemed.

“Tess Foster.” she murmured, voice barely audible even to her own ears. She cleared her throat lightly before repeating herself in a louder, more clear voice.

“And where are you from, originally?”

“Tyrone, Georgia.”

“I hear you’re a somewhat newer addition to Rick’s group, is that right?”

Tess nodded as her eyes started drifting around the room again, but the following silence had her glancing back to see Deanna was waiting for an actual answer. “Yeah, that’s right. Um, about..a few months now.”

The congresswoman nodded along as she took notes in the notebook situated on her lap. “How did you come to be apart of their group?”

“Well, I…” Tess shifted in her seat as she debated just how much detail she needed to go into. “We had been on our own for a long while, Luke and I, and then Daryl and Beth found us -”

“Beth?”

“Maggie’s sister…she’s no longer with us.”

Deanna looked up with the first real genuine look Tess had seen on her face. “I'm sorry for your loss. Please, continue.”

“They found us, helped us out and we all stayed together for a few days, but then the four of us got separated for a bit, that’s when I happened to run into Maggie and Sasha, and Bob…who we’ve also lost. We ran into Abraham, Rosita and Eugene while Maggie was tryin' to find Glenn, which we did,” Tess paused there, still getting a bit overwhelmed by the whirlwind of tiny miracles that transpired to get this group, this family back together and for her and Luke to become apart of it. “Then we ended up at a different community we went to, searchin' for the others,” she gave a shrug. “We found ‘em.”

Deanna smiled warmly. “Seems like it was meant to be.”

Tess couldn’t help but agree.

“Then we um, we picked up Gabriel along the way, met Aaron, now we’re…here.”

“Well I’ve already given this line to Rick and the others, but I think you all are exactly where you’re supposed to be,” Tess just nodded along softly, nerves and anxiety making her less convinced than the congresswoman before her. “Do you want to be here Tess?”

“I,” she started to answer, thinking it would be a simple yes because why wouldn’t it be? But the word got stuck in her throat behind a wall of doubt. Her eyes glanced towards that red dot again before falling on her clenched hands in her lap. “I want a safe place for Luke, for this group. They deserve it.”

“And you’re apart of that group.”

Again, Tess could just simply nod along at the statement.

Deanna flipped to another page of the notepad she had been scribbling in. “Now, part of what makes this place run as well as it does is the structure. People need routine, something to focus on and everyone here has a part to play. If you don’t mind, I'd like to rewind a little and go back to before the fall. What was life like for Tess Foster in Tyrone, Georgia? What did you do?”

Tess crossed her arms over her chest as she felt the familiar, uncomfortable tension that filled her body anytime it came to talking about her before life. A life she was more than happy to leave in the crumbling dust of a dead world. She blew out a slight breath before delving in.

“Not a whole lot, really. I was, I was my mother’s in home caregiver primarily and I -”

Before she could continue Deanna cut her off excitedly. “Oh! You were a nurse? That’s wonderful! We have our own doctor here and I’ve been hoping to get him some help but -”

This time it was Tess’ turn to interrupt, eyes going slightly wide in alarm. “No! No, no, no, not a nurse, more like a,” her face scrunched up in thought some as she tried to explain herself more clearly. “More like a glorified babysitter than anything else. Took her to and from all her appointments, made her meals, helped her get dressed and with her bathin', set out her medications…” she trailed off at the silent ‘oh’ that left Deanna’s mouth as she quickly made a new note on her pad. “...and um, I helped run her flower shop when she could no longer make it in herself.”

At this, Deanna glanced up again with renewed interest. “Is that so? So you have gardening experience? We have big plans to expand our plots in the future, your expertise could be very valuab -” 

Tess’ mouth twitched and she felt the way she started to sink into herself more as she listened to the woman mistakenly ramble on about how useful she could be to the future success of their crops. She started shaking her head lightly and Deanna’s voice came to a halt once again.

“Nope, afraid not. I can’t say I know much of anything at all about growin' things. I handled the business side of stuff, the office work. Sometimes the cash register when needed.”

Deanna tilted her head and gave an encouraging smile, as if she were talking to a bashful child. “Oh come on, I'm sure your mother must have taught you a thing or two over the years?”

The small snort that left Tess was wholely unintentionally. Nor the rueful smile she wasn’t even fully aware was currently adorning her face.

“No ma’am. That woman couldn’t so much as keep weeds alive. That's why she bought plants.”

“Ah, I see,” was the much more subdued reply, along with another note on the paper. “Well, everyone has something to offer. Sometimes it just takes a little extra digging to find the right fit.”

Tess just murmured an incoherent reply before slowly tuning out the majority of whatever else of this little interview followed.

 -x- 

Once everyone had finally been through the interview process, they were led to a center point in town, right outside of the building they used as their designated armory and storage area and were promptly told, once again, they needed to hand over their weapons as there was a strick no carry rule inside the community that they implemented. The same tension filled stand off that took place at the front gate was in danger of returning until Deanna made the compromise with Rick that in turn for turning over their guns, they could keep their knives on them, as well as Daryl’s crossbow. All of which was perfectly fine with Tess. She could forgo the gun no problem. The thought of being without her trusty Bowie, however, not nearly as much. She always felt like she was missing part of a limb when it wasn’t strapped to her person somewhere.

After they filled - overfilled - an entire bin with their contraband, they were led to two large houses settled side by side to each other and told they were theirs to split amongst themselves. Though the decision was made near immediately that they’d all be staying in one house together for the time being, Rick not at all trusting the idea of Deanna wanting them split up and the rest of them just not comfortable being away from each other after being in forced shared spaces for so long.

Entering into the house was like entering a whole new, foreign world.

It was like something out of some sort of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. A mini mansion, in Tess’ eyes. A two story suburbanite’s wet dream, complete with brand new, all stainless steel appliances in the kitchen, beautiful granite countertops, furniture perfectly staged just so. She had the same discomfort she felt when she entered Deanna’s office, afraid to touch anything and taint it with whatever they had carried in with them from outside.

It seemed like they were all feeling various degrees of that sentiment. Until they discovered the working electricity. Until the discovered the running water. The hot running water.

Moods started changing very quickly after that. A wave of giddiness overtook most of them at the prospect of actually getting to feel human for a minute. Hell, Michonne was damn near floating when she found the supply of toothpaste. 

Lines quickly formed between the two bathrooms that offered showers. Tess elected for herself and Luke to go last once she seen the tub attached to the shower in the master bathroom. They still had no idea if any of this would be permanent, if they were even staying and she wanted to take full advantage of that tub and let Luke enjoy a good ol’ fashioned bubble bath while he could, and she didn’t want to hold anybody else up while she did so.

The wait was beyond worth it.

She gave him a shower first, not wanting him to just be sitting in a stew of his own funk. She then overfilled the tub with bubble solution to the point she almost couldn’t even see Luke once he plopped down, sending a wave of bubbles to the floor as he excitedly splashed about, making an absolute mess that she’d happily clean up later for this moment of elation from him. It had been far too long since she had seen this kind of spark in his eyes.

She let him stay in the tub long past the point of him being pruney and her being utterly soaked and well after the bubbles had popped and fizzed away, until his rumbling stomach broke through the noise of splashing water. With some regret, sh pulled him out, wrapped him snugly in a towel and dried him off before helping him into the clothes that had been brought over for the group by a neighboring woman, Jessie. Once he was dressed she passed him off to Tara so she could finally attend to herself.

She turned the showerhead back on and stepped into the tub, immediately flinching at the feeling of hot water pounding against her skin. For the briefest of seconds it almost hurt, she was so unused to the feeling. As she slowly adjusted to the foreign sensation, she tried to think back to the last time she had an honest to goodness shower and realized it had been back when she was still at her grandfather’s cabin. Shortly after finding Luke they had stayed in an abandon home for a few days that technically had a working shower, if the slow trickle of water could even be counted as such, but everything after that had been cold ponds and rivers, the occasional wet wipe when she was able to find them.

As her body finally acclimated to the feeling, she stepped fully under the showerhead, letting her mind go blank as she felt the outside world slowly start to melt off of her. She became mesmerized by the rivulets of dirt and grime and sweat and blood and who the hell even knows what else running down her body before swirling down the drain. 

She did two full washes with the provided soap and then spent another five minutes with a soaped up rag scrubbing every last speck of dirt she could find, leaving her skin bright red and nearly raw. She then moved on to the rat’s nest on top of her head, spending just as long there before her hair was finally untangled enough to be manageable.

She was just rinsing out a third round of conditioner when a knock at the door froze her in place. She waited a second, thinking perhaps she had just been hearing things when a second knock sounded. It immediately sent her into a mini panic, thoughts spiraling of who it could be, why they were there and how could she protect herself in such a vulnerable position.

She reached a suddenly shaky hand to the curtain, pulling it aside just enough to poke her head out and stared a hole in the door before it opened and Maggie’s face popped through, allowing Tess to release the breath she had been holding.

Maggie flashed a sympathetic smile before apologizing. “Sorry, didn’t mean to spook you but you left your clean clothes downstairs and I figured you’d probably wouldn’t wanna go walkin' around the place in just a towel lookin' for ‘em."

Tess raised her brows and nodded appreciatively. “You are right, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They both stared at each other, Tess feeling awkward as she waited for Maggie to make a move before the younger woman’s eyes widen slightly in embarrassment. “Annnd now I'm just totally starin' like a creep, sorry.”

Tess couldn’t help but laugh lightly, tension finally easing away as she waved her off. “Don’t worry about it, you’re fine.”

“Right, well,” she stepped inside quickly to place the clothing on top of the sink before making to leave. “I’ll leave you be now.”

Tess went to pull the curtain back closed but then quickly called out to Maggie before she pulled the door shut. “Oh, Maggie?”

“Yeah?”

“How’s Luke?”

“Oh, he’s fine,” she assured with a smile. “He’s currently kickin' Glenn’s butt in Go Fish.”

Tess felt her lips twitch. “Yeah, that’s 'cause he cheats.”

Maggie eyes widened slightly again, this time in sheer amusement before sending Tess a conspiratorial smile. “Really? Well…I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Tess laughed again, bringing a hand to her lips and giving the ‘my lips are sealed’ gesture.

Once Maggie left she finished washing out her hair and finally shut the water off with only a vague amount of guilt for how long she spent in there, and for how much soap and shampoo she went through. It took her another several minutes of scrubbing herself with a towel to get all the remaining dead skin off but once she did she felt about ten pounds lighter. That stiff, confining tightness that had adorned her skin for so long was finally gone and she actually felt like she could move more freely, even if she was just imagining it. She put on the fresh underwear and jeans and was about to put on the sports bra and top when her eyes caught sight of the mirror. After a moment of contemplating the curiosity won out and she stepped forward, wiping the condescension off the mirror to get a clear look at herself for the first time since the funeral home.

Her skin had definitely gotten darker from all the sun exposure they’d been forced to endure, a splattering of freckles across her cheeks and nose and, oddly enough, a random circular patch just slightly off center on her forehead like she hadn’t had since she was a kid running around her grandfather’s woods. She had a bit of a bump on the bridge of her nose now from Beth’s multiple failed attempts at resetting it before Daryl stepped in. The crescent shaped cut on her left temple had faded into a faint, silvery line, accentuated more by the black circles under her eyes.

She took a deep breath before turning to the side, finally ready to get a good look at the scar that wrapped around her body.

It had healed pretty good, all things considered. It was thickest at the entry point just under her shoulder blade, the scar tissue more of a reddish pink before lightening up as it went down. The area in the middle around her ribs where Bob had to redo some stitches was the roughest looking, the skin now puffy and slightly jagged and then instantly lightening up to a pale pink as it trailed down to the end. The scar itself didn’t so much bother her, but what it represented sure did and she found herself getting anxious again the longer she looked.

She had her fill of self appraisal and hurriedly finished dressing, going to throw her dirty clothes in the hamper before deciding they were a lost cause at this point and balled them up tightly with Luke’s to throw away.

She made her way downstairs and entered the dining area to see part of the group surrounding the table, watching the showdown between Luke and Glenn that was still taking place. Glenn, clutching his hand of cards and looking utterly perplexed glanced her way when he noticed her entrance.

“Dude, he’s the Rain Man of Go Fish!”

Tess just smiled as she walked over, placing a kiss on Luke’s forehead.

“Sure is.”

                                          -x-

Some time later, a little past noon - they knew thanks to the working clock on the living room wall - Tess had just settled Luke in for a nap on the couch. When Glenn finally threw in the white towel on their Go Fish game, the group shared a small lunch amongst themselves and then split up again, some settling in for a nap themselves and the rest bravely venturing out to start exploring their new maybe home.

Tess wasn’t feeling that adventurous just yet. She opted to lounge around with Luke for a bit, practicing sign language with him until he began struggling to keep his eyes open. The new supply of food and lack of having to run for their lives was allowing his little body to breathe and relax and demand to catch up on missed sleep.

She was aimlessly drifting around the room, anxiously tapping fingers against her legs as she wondered just what to do with herself when she glanced towards the large bay window, catching sight of the top of Daryl’s head bobbing up and down. He was the only one left of them who had opted not to take advantage of the showers, instead taking up guard duty and acting as a sort of living ‘beware of dog’ sign almost immediately after they had all stepped foot inside the house earlier that morning. She couldn’t lie, knowing he was out there was a large part of why she felt comfortable enough to shower.

She walked towards the door, opening it lightly and stopping short with an amused snort at the scene of Daryl gutting his possum right on the porch as nearby neighbors worked to not openly gawk.

“Tryin’ to blend in with the locals, are ya?” She teased lightly, pulling the door shut behind her. He barely spared her a glance, much less a reply as Tess went to lean against the railing before quickly changing her mind. The glances from people walking the street in front of their house made her feel uncomfortably on display, so she instead sat in front of the window next to Daryl, careful not to get in his way while she used the porch railing as some feeble attempt at cover from prying eyes.

They sat in silence for a while as Tess did her best to take in their new surroundings from their small vantage point. An elderly couple walking hand in hand. Two young children playing in a front yard as two women watched them from their own porch, eyes occasionally flicking their way. A young man jogging down the sidewalk. All of them without a care in the world past the new residents. All of it so mundanely normal.

Tess could feel her face scrunch up. It was starting to give her the creeps more and more.

“I can’t decide if it’s more Pleasantville or Stepford Wives.”

Daryl gave his own cursory glance around, much like he had been doing periodically the whole time she had been out there. “Think it’s a bit’a both.”

“I think you’re right.”

“They’re soft, wha’ever it is. An’ spoiled.”

Tess didn’t miss the way that last bit was all but spat out with distaste, though again she found herself nodding in agreement before she felt a smile fighting to break free as she glanced back his way to take in his filthy appearance. Maybe she was getting more settled in than she realized because she couldn’t help but poke the bear a little.

“Is that your problem then? Why you don’t wanna take a shower?” She narrowed her eyes playfully, leaning in with a stage whisper as if she had just discovered his biggest secret. “Afraid you’ll get spoiled and go soft?”

A side eye that would make any prissy drama queen jealous all but had her cracking up.

“Yer ‘bout as funny as Glenn, ya know tha’?

“Hey, I happen to think Glenn is hilarious.”

“Yeah, ya would.”

Chapter Text

The group was given three days to settle in before they were expected to start their assigned jobs and start contributing to the community. Tess was put onto one of the scavenging teams along with Glenn, Tara and Noah. They were going to be under the guide of Aiden and Nicholas, Deanna’s eldest son and gate guy who hadn’t been jumping to let them in when they first arrived. It was fine with Tess, though. She nearly balked when Deanna came around with job duties and had started off by saying she had wanted to have her train under their resident doctor, Pete, but that unfortunately he didn’t feel he had the adequate time at the present to fully commit to taking on a student.

The way Deanna, a seeming always camera ready politician, had faltered ever so slightly when explaining this told Tess that the reasoning given wasn't the full truth, but it was out of her head once the woman said she’d be on scavenging for the time being. It allowed her to be useful without being confined to inside the walls and without the stress of being responsible for the health of others.

Slowly but surely the group began making their way around town, exploring and analyzing in their own ways. Carol was going full incognito, playing the role of Susie Homemaker and inserting herself into the lives of their new neighbors. Rick was constantly walking the neighborhood, searching for any little blip that could be a problem. Carl and Luke were getting to know kids around their own ages in Ron and Sam Anderson, the sons of the woman who had brought them fresh clothes and linens - and had even cut the hair of some of them - and her husband, Pete the doctor. 

Then there was Daryl. Past morning and evening perimeter checks with Rick and the short amount of time the both of them would disappear with Carol, Tess was pretty sure he hadn’t left the front porch. The discomfort she felt being in this place, behind these walls, was clearly nothing in comparison to the way he felt utterly trapped here. Anytime she walked out the door or caught a glimpse of him through the window, hunched up in the corner, knees up to chest as he surveyed the new land, she couldn’t help but be struck by how young he looked sometimes. Not so much in a physical sense, but more his overall demeanor. 

He could look so much like a lost little boy.

He looked the way she had felt the majority of her life. Like, despite being a fully grown adult, she had never much mentally matured past the age of nineteen or so. As if the moment she became her mother’s caregiver everything else had just gone on pause and never resumed.

She wondered if that was why they were usually able to coexist so relatively easily. Not just that they were both quiet people who preferred to observe over participating, but something deeper. More forlorn bits of themselves, similar but caused by different factors that recognized and called out to one another.

The evening of their third day found Tess and Luke on an after-dinner stroll around the neighborhood, making their way towards the big pond in the center of town to sit and watch the mother duck and her flock of chicks that occupied the area. Luke was tossing a few bits of bread that Tess had saved from her meal for this very reason, causing a chorus of happy chirping from the baby birds, Tess watching on with a soft smile at Luke’s tickled reaction before he hurried back to her side with empty hands and plopped down on the grass next to her. She ruffled his hair some before trying to clear a path for him to see better. She really should take Jessie up on the offer to trim his hair so she didn’t butcher it again. His floppy curls deserved far better than what she could offer.

She brought an arm around him to pull him into her side as she glanced around the suburban paradise, still wavering in how she truly felt about the place past the relief of current safety.

“So,” she brought her eyes back to meet his as he stared up at her. “What do we think, hm? How are you feelin’ about the place?”

She got an immediate head nod as his hand came up with an excited vigor.

Good! Stay?

She felt herself pause. She knew he was quickly coming to like the place, far faster than the rest of them had, but to see him already wanting to put down roots and make this a permanent stay somehow took her by surprise.

“Is, is that somethin’ you’d want? To stay here?”

Another vigorous head nod to confirm.

“Well, then,” she nodded lightly as she cleared her throat, sparing him the best little smile she could. “We’ll just have to do our best to make that happen, won’t we?”

He beamed up at her before getting transfixed by the family of ducks swimming by.

Tess felt a bit of dread forming in her stomach.

-x-

Later on that night Tess once again found herself lounging on the front porch in Daryl’s silent company after being unable to get to sleep, body tossing and turning as her mind turned over thought after thought of what it truly meant for her and Luke to stay here and the heavy cost it could potentially come with.

The future tripping was eventually cut short when Daryl lightly kicked the foot she wasn’t even aware had been tapping incessantly since she took up residence next to him. 

“Wha’s got ya thinkin’ so loud over there?”

“This place,” She brought her legs to cross in front of her and began tapping her fingers against her knees to try to help with the anxious energy. “What do you think of it?”

“It'a place. Food an’ walls, good as any I’spose.”

“Yeah..." her voice trailed off as the the thought that had been causing her the most unease rattled around her brain. "So, stupid question, but, if Rick decided he didn’t wanna be here, that he was leavin’, the rest of ya would follow along…right?”

Daryl stared at her in thought for a moment before subtly nodding. “Mean, can’ speak for all’a us, but mos’ of us, yeah, prob’bly.” he gauged her reaction, the way she closed her eyes and dipped her chin some, seeing his words were exactly what she was expecting to hear and exactly what she didn’t want to. “Why?”

“Luke.” she answered with a quiet sigh.

He was sure he understood now.

‘He wanna stay?” He asked as he began picking at a loose thread on his knee.

“Yeah. And I mean,” she blew out a breath, trying to collect her thoughts before she went on rambling. “Regardless of anybody else, I would…I would stay. I'd have to… right?” She looked to him again, clear uncertainty painting her features. “ I couldn’t pass this all up, purposely take him back out there after everything else we’ve already been through just because I wouldn’t wanna be stuck here alone without…without the rest of you, but…whatever gives him the best chance, right?”

He didn’t want to have to agree, wanted to say they didn’t need this place, that they could all hit the road tomorrow and things would work out fine. But it wasn’t even close to being true. Hell, it was the only reason he was here, the chance of a safe place for the kiddos, for the people and family he cared so much about so he had no place to tell her not to worry about it, to just pack up with them if that was indeed what things came to.

“Guess so.” he mumbled around the thumbnail that had made it into his mouth.

“Yeah,” she let out another sigh. “Wouldn’t be so bad if this place wasn’t so, so weird,” she lamented with a shake of her head. “I get wantin’ to give folks a sense of old world normalcy, but it’s just feels so ridiculous. And I feel ridiculous for thinkin’ it’s ridiculous.”

“Why?”

“Because…I dunno,” she gave a shrug. “Just kinda feels like anyone with so much as an idea of what it’s like out there, outside these walls, let alone anyone who’s actually spent any time out there would be shittin’ themselves to be here. And I just feel, kinda…”

He watched her trail off, looking for the right adjective to adequately describe her feelings. So he supplied one for her.

“Shitless?”

The unrestrained laughter that bubbled up out of her was worth it.

“I mean,” she held a hand over her mouth as she got the rest of her giggles under control, not wanting to disturb the others inside sleeping. “Pretty much, yeah.”

They let the silence stretch between them once more, both lost in their own minds and both hoping that it wouldn’t come to that, that people wouldn’t have to decide to stay or to go, that they could make things work here for everyone.

Felt like a lot of hope in a largely hopeless world.

Chapter Text

Tess was walking back to the house the next morning, having just dropped Luke off at the house that was used as a small daycare/classroom of sorts. It was taking everything in her not to turn back around and snatch him back up before locking them both in a room. She climbed the steps to the porch and plopped herself down in one of the rocking chairs. Daryl, who was sitting on the railing messing with his crossbow spared her a quick glance before resuming his focus.

“How’d it go?”

She exhaled an exaggerated breath of air, nearly pouting. “Fine. For him.”

“Us’ally the way.”

“Mhm.”

The front door opened then and out stepped Carol, decked head to toe in her Susie Homemaker best and sporting her new, vaguely creepy sunny smile.

“Time to punch the clock and make the casseroles.”

“Wha?” Daryl questioned, looking all but repulsed by this new mask she was intent on wearing.

“Make dinner for the older people, moms who need a break, people who can’t cook. You get to meet a lot of the neighbors that way.” she explained.

He just scoffed at her, a rare, amused smile playing at his lips that immediately had Tess’ twitching. “Yeah, al’righ.”

“...Have you taken a shower yet?” she suddenly asked, all pretenses of her happy disposition gone.

“Mmhmm.”

She gave him a dry look. “Take a shower. I'm gonna wash that vest.”

Tess had to duck her head down some to hide how utterly entertaining she was finding the little interaction. It made her think of the first interaction she’d ever seen between them after Terminus, when they had tightly clung to each other in reunion. She could see clearly, now, how wrong her original assumption regarding the nature of their relationship truly was. It wasn’t maternal like she had initially deducted. While the act itself could have been perceived as motherly in nature, she was able to easily see now that that was mostly because Carol was a mother, in her very make up, and it was just an expression of love that was ingrained within her. But they had their own special bond, no doubt, that far exceeded that. A certain kind of fated kinship, born out of pain and heartache and understanding. Tess hated that they even had those kinds of experiences to relate on, but she was glad they had found each other in this broken world. They deserved each other, deserved something good in their lives.

Much the same way Carol suddenly felt Tess deserved her undivided attention.

“And you.”

Tess’ head snapped up to meet the woman’s stern gaze, surprise coloring every bit of her features as she now found herself in the hot seat. “Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“What about me? I showered!”

“Yes, yes you did and I appreciate that,” she agreed, sending a pointed look to Daryl before refocusing her attention back to Tess with a raised brow. “The dress.”

And instantly her face fell flat again.

“Jesus, not this again...”

“Yes, this again. Deanna is throwing this welcome party for us tonight and we’re supposed to be making a good impression, that means all of us. You’re wearing the dress.”

“I don’t need to wear a dress to make a good impression…ain’t no dress that nice lookin' anyways…” she grumbled mostly to herself, crossing her arms over her chest and nearly missing Daryl’s snort before she turned back to see Carol all but staring daggers into her.

“You listen here,” she began sternly, tone leaving absolutely no room for argument. “That boy of yours spent over an hour picking out something special for you to wear and he’s excited to see you in it. You’re wearing it, and that’s that.”

“Carol -” she began before swiftly being cut off once more.

“You are wearing it if I have to tie you down and dress you myself young lady, is that clear?”

Tess could only gape at her in response, not entirely convinced the woman wouldn’t do it and also feeling a sense of begrudging acceptance she hadn’t felt since the last time her grandfather had lectured her as a kid. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good,” was Carol’s swift reply, staring her down for another moment before her beaming smile was back in place like nothing as she looked at the both of them. “You see that children? How easy things can be when we all just cooperate a little?” she fixed her cardigan before bouncing down the stairs and bidding her goodbyes. “I'm off now. You two have a lovely day. And take a shower!”

“Ya look ridiculous!” Daryl yelled after her, to which she called back with a cheeky ‘thank you’.

Tess, still feeling slightly unnerved by the whole interaction just shook her head lightly.

“You know, it was kinda funny before, but her whole Serial Mom act is officially startin’ to creep me out.”

“Can say tha’ again.”

She was so focused on her Carol discomfort that she nearly missed what had just happened. When her mind caught up she sent wide eyes his way.

“Are you kiddin’ me?”

Her words brought on his own look of confusion. “Wha?”

“Of all the pop culture references I’ve made to you that you claim to have no knowledge of and this is the one you know? Some obscured cult comedy film from like, twenty years ago?”

“Yeah, Kathleen Turner, righ'?” Tess confirmed with a nod and he went back to tinkering with his bow. “It was playin' on t.v at this little motel Merle and I stayed at once. He was high outta his mind and became convinced she was gonna come through the screen and kill ‘em.”

The highly unlady like snort that came out of her was almost embarrassing, though she did try to get herself under control, unsure if he would take offense to her laughing so openly at his brother. But he brushed off her attempts, little smile in place again. “Nah, you can laugh at tha’. Shit was funny.”

They enjoyed the brief moment of brevity until her name was called from the house next door, Glenn waving her over as it was time for them to go meet with Aiden and Nicholas. She stood reluctantly, knowing she had no more time left to procrastinate.

“Guess that’s my cue,” she put a hand on the railing to make her way down the steps before pausing, turning back to him. “See ya later?”

“Hm. I'll be here.”

She couldn’t quite explain the reassurance that gave her. She turned with a nod but quickly turned back at the bottom of the stairs at his voice.

“Hey, watch ya self out there, ya hear?”

“Yup, always.”

And with that, she was off.

-x-

They met with Aiden and Nicholas outside the armory where they were given official introductions. Tess was already positive she wasn’t a fan of either. Twenty-something frat boys, one with an over inflated sense of self who seemed to think he was an unofficial leader just because his mother ran the place and he had his crony pal, who was ready to do anything to back his friend up. Tess might have thought she was being a bit too pessimistic with her evaluation had it not been for the barely restrained eye rolls from both Glenn and Tara at several points during Aiden’s run down of things and his history in the ROTC. Nothing sparked more truer irritation than when they passed out guns to each of them, though. The silent agreement that they’d much rather not have one measly little pistol a piece to rely on for their full protection. Too noisy, for one, and too small a firearm if the shit was to really hit the fan. Which it so often did.

Tess had her knife, at least.

When they made it outside the walls they began a tour of the surrounding area, giving the newcomers a feel for the local terrain. Tess did her best not to drown out Nicholas as he informed them of how they had been expanding their trips out and how much of a radius they had cleared so far, followed by Aiden’s voice as he further explained how they run their missions. She was able to at least empathize with the younger men when he spoke of the team members they had recently lost after a bad run left them spooked and panicked. He almost even apologized for being an asshole, but it got buried in another spiel of how he ran the show and he called the shots.

Basically, get in line or get out.

Again, their group of four exchanged glances but otherwise stayed silent.

“Sorry you lost your people.” Tara threw out.

“Yeah, well, we got ours.” Aiden replied back smugly before beckoning them onwards as Nicholas once again chipped in.

“Managed to snag one of the deadheads that took them down. Strung it up there.” he pointed to a tree just up ahead. 

“What? Why?” Glenn asked, thoroughly perplexed.

“Now we have a little pregame ritual. Get our heads on straight.”

“To remind us what we’re up against.” Aiden clarified.

When they got to the tree in question, however, there was no walker to be found, just some hanging intestines and flaps of skin, the only remaining remnants to the demented pinata they had made themselves.

Both Aiden and Nicholas were incensed at the discovery. Or lack thereof.

“Son of a bitch! Help me find it!” Aiden barked out, immediately scanning the area for their missing captor. When Nicholas observed that the blood was still wet, meaning it couldn’t have gotten too far, Aiden began whistling, loudly, sending Tess and the others on high alert at all the unnecessary noise being created. Glenn tried reasoning that it was already gone and they didn’t need to waste time on tracking down one walker, but Aiden wasn’t hearing any of it, instead declaring, “It took down one of our friends! It’s nearby, and we’re not letting it go.”

They kept on with their noise making, whistling and clapping until the thing seemed to materialize out of thin air, appearing behind Aiden who barely had enough time to side step, allowing the dead one to stumble towards Nicholas, who was beckoning it towards him. Tess pulled out her knife, the others the guns they were given and Noah was about to take the shot, only to have Nicholas push him out of the way, Aiden ordering nobody to touch it and for the rest of them to back off.

Tess was ready to call an audible, grab her people and just head back, consequences of insubordination be damned, when the aforementioned and dreaded shit chose that moment to finally hit the fan.

Aiden had a hold of the walker, arms restrained behind its back as Nicholas attempted to get it wrapped and secured back in the chain they had confined it in when the skin began pulling away, leaving trails of blood that slipped up Aiden’s grip and allowed the walker to break free and turn on him. Startled, he struggled a moment before giving it a desperate shove, sending the thing straight into Tara.

Voices started flying around, a cacophony of them screaming for Tara, trying to get the thing off of her as the other two still demanded they not put it down. And, in Tess’ case at least, there was the near deafening sound of her blood rushing in her ears.

Fuck. This.

She marched forward, just as Glenn had moved to do the same, and drove her bowie straight into the walker’s skull, feeling it give that final twitch before falling in a heap at their feet. She gave a huff, flinging the blood off the blade before placing a hand on Tara’s shoulder, silently assessing for any damage or injury.

Aiden exploded.

“What the hell?!”

But he was no match for their seething anger now. 

“Yeah, what the hell. What the hell was that?” Tara demanded, nearly being cut off by Glenn, who had officially lost his cool.

“You almost got her killed!”

“I told you to stay back! I told you to listen to every damn thing I said. I told you that.”

“Glenn,” Tess called out, hard eyes meeting his in silent communication. “Now?”

Were they done with this crap? Were they good to go back now?

Glenn gave a long stare to Aiden, struggling to keep himself restrained before looking back to Tess. “Yeah. Now.”

And with that he walked off, Tess and Tara following and Noah close behind them, covering point.

Thank God, was all she could think. 

The whole walk back was like a vacuum of simmering rage. Tess had never seen Glenn, of all people, so close to losing it. He was a tightly wound coil, ready to explode at any moment and Mr. Inflated Ego was too stupid to read the signs. Or just didn’t care. Most like that option. He was still too worried about his standing of outranking them and giving out the orders.

“You four need new gigs. You’re not ready for runs yet.”

The condescension was nearly enough to get Tess’ already simmering temper to boil over.

“Yeah, pretty sure you got that backwards.” Glenn shot back.

“Hey. Hey,” he jogged up in order to grab Glenn by the shoulder, spinning him around to face him. “Look, we got a way of doing things around here. And if you -”

“You tied up walkers -”

“It killed our friend!”

“Jesus Christ, kid,” Tess finally snapped this time, completely unable to bite her tongue any longer. “Those things know food, and nothin’ else. They didn’t plot and conspire against you. Shit just happens, all the time, everyday. You need to accept that because bullshit games like this are only gonna get more people hurt, or worse.”

Aiden stared at her, mouth agape as if he couldn’t believe she had the audacity to speak to him in such a way, let alone in front of the growing audience of onlookers around them, before redirecting his focus back to Glenn, clear contempt coloring his feature and his voice. “I'm not having this conversation. You obey my orders out there.”

“Well then we’re just as screwed as your last run crew.”

Tess saw the flash in Aiden’s eyes, the indignation of hurt pride and fury that had Tess’ hand tightening on the hilt of her knife again.

He stepped forward, getting directly in Glenn’s face. Challenging. “Say that again.”

Both Tara and Noah attempted to interject and diffuse the situation before it escalated any further as Aiden kept trying to provoke Glenn, demanding he repeat himself, shoving him back, needling needling needling, all the while Glenn tried to keep his composure, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “No one’s impressed, man. Walk away.” he advised just as Deanna came running over with Rick and Michonne in tow.

“Aiden! What is going on?”

“This guy’s got a problem with the way we do things around here.” he was quick to reply, like a kid who went running to mommy to tell on his sibling.

Not to mention the dismissal of her own say in things did little to smooth over Tess’ already raised hackles.

“Not just him.” she corrected with a glare his way that he was all too happy to return before looking at his mom with something akin to betrayal.

“Why did you let these people in?”

“Because we actually know what we’re doing out there.” Glenn again interjected, much more snidely than any of his previous comments and a fact that Aiden did not take kindly to. He immediately swung, Glenn dodging easily before popping him square in the nose. It was utter mayhem again, then. Nicholas coming up on Glenn to help his buddy but not even getting a chance to touch him - and the rest not having a chance to step in - before Daryl appeared, brutally taking him down with a tackle. Rick intervened, getting Daryl off the guy and doing his damndest to hold him back as he paced back and forth wildly, all the while Deanna screamed for everyone to stop and Tess tried to understand why they weren’t letting Daryl loose.

Assholes deserved a punch. Or two.

Deanna was finally the one to regain order, stating clearly to her son and the rest of the peanut gallery of gawkers that Rick and his group were part of this community now, fully and completely and anyone who had a problem with that could come speak to her directly. She then dismissed Glenn, Tara, Noah and Tess, after strick orders to turn in the weapons they signed out, and ordered Aiden and Nicholas to go home to wait for her. Rick tried to talk Daryl down some more but was promptly brushed off, Daryl picking up his dropped crossbow and heading out the gates. Tess nearly followed, having no more desire to be here at the moment than he clearly did but thought better of it when she felt Tara’s hand slap her elbow, urging her to go home with her.

More and more she was wondering if she wanted to be here at all.

Chapter Text

Childish as it may have been, Tess spent the majority of the day pouting in a way she hadn’t since Rick put her on house arrest after Terminus. She had a whole mental list going of all the excuses she could use or things she could do to get out of going to this welcome party, but every time Carol passed by her throughout the day she just gave her, what Tess could only describe as ‘the look’, and she would promptly be put into her place without a single word being uttered. She had no desire to call Carol’s bluff because she didn’t believe she was bluffing at all.

She stood in front of the floor length mirror that was in the room her and Luke had officially claimed once Rick gave the go ahead for them to start taking advantage of both houses allotted to them, examining her appearance with barely contained disdain.

It was a lovely dress that Luke had selected, she wouldn’t argue that. A navy blue, ankle length maxi dress with an all over white floral print that swished and swayed sweetly with any movement she made. It was exactly the kind of summer dress she would have been drawn to before, in the old world. But here? It just felt all so wrong. Silly. Why on earth should they be putting any effort or energy into dressing up and making good appearances when the only thing they should be celebrating was still being here, alive and in one piece.

She fiddled with her hair, the simple half up half down do that Maggie had done for her - probably at Carol’s behest, she imagined - feeling like another odd part of this mask she was putting on. With a sigh, she turned from the mirror, having had more than enough of her own reflection to last a while and slipped into the white Keds she found buried at the back of the closest.

Fuck the strappy kitten heels someone - Carol - had left out for her with the dress. That is absolutely where she’d be drawing the line with this get up.

She was adjusting the back of one shoe when she heard tiny footsteps approaching. She looked up and was met with Luke, standing in the doorway and immediately felt herself softening.

A pair of clean khakis and a fresh button up in a shade of blue that matched her dress had him looking every bit the little gentleman. It had her debating tracking Aaron down to see if he was still in possession of that camera. The look he was giving her though, full of absolute glee, had the ice in her veins melting.

She stood back to her full height, did a small turn that caused the skirt of the dress to fly up before swooshing back down around her legs. “Well, this is your doin' big guy, whaddya think?”

He nodded excitedly, all but clapping his little hands together.

Pretty

She couldn’t fight the small smile that graced her lips.

“Yeah? Well thank you, kind sir,” she walked over to him, kneeling down to rearrange his curls some. Even with the trim she finally allowed Jessie to give him they were still unruly and fought to do their own thing. “You are lookin' mighty handsome yourself, ya know? Gonna have to keep my eye on you tonight, make sure these other old bittys around here don’t try to steal you from me.” Which was only a partial joke. She couldn’t miss the way the older residents of Alexandria flocked to him and Judith, new kiddies to fawn over and spoil. The only reason Carl wasn’t currently apart of that was because he had done a fine job of displaying his teenage angst.

She quickly ushered them downstairs to meet up with some of the others, feeling like the nerves making a mess of her stomach would root her to the spot and keep her from going if she didn’t force them out.

She had never been good at taking and accepting compliments, them always making her feel uncomfortable and unworthy of the praise regardless of how trivial it might have been. She was sure a large chunk of that could be attributed to her mother. So walking into a room and having several people tell her how nice she looked was downright torture. She did her best to be civil about it, small, polite smile and giving out small praises in return and ultimately using Luke as a bit of a show pony to keep the majority of attention off of herself. Not that he was having any complaints being gushed over though.

He was a secret little ham, that boy. 

The small group of them made their way down to Deanna’s house, sounds of socializing chatter and laughter emanating even through the open windows of the large home. When the group stopped outside the door, finally showcasing some nerves that could rival Tess’, she thought it might be the hail Mary she was looking for that would get her out of this. But then Maggie took a big breath, grabbed ahold of Glenn’s hand and cautiously opened the door to enter the home as Tara gave her a light shove from behind.

If walking through the gates of Alexandria was like stepping into another world, she didn’t know what the hell this was.

People, so many people, milling about, socializing without a care in the world as elevator sounding music provided the soundtrack for the bizarrely pedestrian event.

They were intercepted by Rick and Michonne, who had arrived earlier, and made some small talk for a few minutes about how weird this all was for them before being given the silent directive to mill about, see if there was anything they could find out that may be beneficial for them in the future.

Tess could say, with complete sincerity, that she did try. Maybe not to strike up and involve herself in any conversations after the first couple left her feeling frozen in place, drawing a blank and just staring at the unlucky person who attempted to interact with her like a caught deer, all the while screaming at herself in her head to just say something, anything. They’d been here all of ten minutes and she already felt exhausted in a way she hadn’t since before the world ended. She didn’t, however, have the same level freak out that Sasha did, which she supposed counted for something. Not that she blamed the girl.

She was getting ready to follow after Maggie to check on her when Luke gave her hand a sharp tug, altering their trajectory when he saw his new buddy, Sam. The slightly older boy was currently stamping the same red A onto Rick’s hand that he had been dishing out to everyone he could get to stand still for long enough. Sam instantly perked up when he spotted Luke, telling him how if they teamed up together they could probably get a stamp onto everybody in the room. He wanted to see if he could break his previous record and Luke was all too eager to help with the mission. Before Tess could blink, she had her boy pulled away from her and was left standing with Rick and baby Judith.

“Well, guess I’ve officially been ditched,” she reached out a finger, lightly shaking the little girl’s fist. “No fair, you still have time before she can walk away from ya.”

Rick smiled lightly, fondly at his daughter. “Yeah, don’t I know it. Savorin' the time while I can ‘cause when it does happen, it happens fast and all at once.” They stood in silence for a few minutes, still just trying to take in the scene before them and make sense of it all. “Did you ever do this stuff? Before?”

Tess looked at him like he’d grown a second head.

“Jesus, no. This has always been my idea of hell. What could I have possibly done to give you any other impression?”

“Yeah, I figured,” he answered with a small laugh. “Guess I'm just workin' on my small talk.”

“I think Judy here could give you better practice with that than I could. Hell, Luke probably could.”

He let out another amused sound as he switched Judith to his other shoulder before his expression turned serious. He leaned in a little closer, words only meant for her. “By the way,” a hand went to rest firmly on her shoulder, a tell tale sign that Rick Grimes meant business with whatever he was about to say. “I’ve been meanin' to apologize.”

Not at all words Tess expected to hear come out of his mouth, confusion clearly shining through in the way her brows knitted together as her head tilted in confusion.

“About the barn.”

Ah. That.

“No, Rick, it’s fine, you don’t need -” she began to protest, only for him to cut her off easily.

“No, I do. I had no right to talk to you that way. I was, I was…scared,” he hesitated on the word, voice lowering as if he were ashamed to admit the fact. “Worried somethin' would go bad, like everything had. I should have listened more, been more receptive to what ya’ll were tryin' to tell me. And I'm sorry for that.” He finished emphatically, a squeeze to her should punctuating the sincerity in his words.

If there was one thing Tess was worse at than accepting compliments, it was accepting apologies. Maybe it was just another factor of growing up without them or maybe it was that self doubt had her questioning her own actions and, therefore, had her believing she wasn’t owed an apology. Whatever the root cause, she could feel herself all but squirming under it all and Rick’s piercing gaze.

It had her mouth moving before her filter could properly analyze. 

She waved her hand absently beside her head. “Hakuna matata.”

She immediately felt her face heat up in embarrassment, nearly wincing as Rick just stared at her, clearly perplexed.

“Hakuna…matata?”

No point in doing anything but committing now, she figured with a small shrug.

“Yeah…means no worries…” she mumbled.

Rick stared for another moment before a small, but genuine smile appeared on the newly - and still odd looking - clean shaven face of their leader.  

“Hakuna matata, well alright then.”

Before they could continue on with anything more, Deanna called Rick’s name from across the room, waving him over to presumably meet the small group she was currently interacting with. His barely contained sigh gave away how much he didn’t want to. 

“Guess I'm up.”

“Good luck.” she said genuinely, thrilled that it was anyone but her being signaled over for a group chat.

He began walking away, clutching onto Judith like a security blanket the same way she had with Luke. He turned after only a few steps though, looking back to her as he remembered one final thing. “I almost forgot. Meant to say before, you look really nice tonight.” he complimented, gesturing to her overall appearance. Tess answered with a grimace that sent Rick off with another entertained look.

Tess wrapped her arms around herself as she stood there alone. Now that she didn’t have Luke to focus on or anyone to talk to to stay occupied, she was quickly losing the effort to stay calm.  

She caught a glimpse of Luke and Sam running by and making their way towards a group of unmarked people by the dining room. She scanned through the room, desperately trying to spot one of her own to attach herself to but not being able to spot anyone through the seemingly endless crowd of faces. The longer she went without a familiar one to keep her grounded, the more it felt like the walls were closing in on her, the grand house feeling suffocatingly small. She felt her pulse begin to quicken, the all too familiar warning signs of an anxiety attack beginning to blare in her mind. She started to back away from where she was standing, mumbling out half apologies as she bumped into several people. The tension coiling tightly in her body made it a struggle to move properly, everything feeling stiff and jerky, uncoordinated.

She finally managed to run into Tara as she searched for an exit, intercepting her with a firm grasp on her elbow and wordlessly pulling her away from the woman trying to talk to her.

“Dude, cock block much?” she complained as Tess ushered them into a somewhat quiet corner. “Oh shit, you got the same look Sasha had before she flipped,” she looked at her sympathetically, in a way that Tess probably would have tersely perceived as mockery if her mind was a little more present. “Alright, I’ve got an eye on little dude, and if I see Carol, I’ll distract her from your missing presence. You, go have your freakout.”

Tess let out the grateful breath she didn’t know she was holding, asking Tara if she was sure even as she was scanning for he easiest exit route.

“Positive. I think there’s only so many public spectacles these people can handle.”

Tess gave her an appreciative squeeze to the arm before taking her chance at escape. She finally shimmied her way through the party goers enough to get herself to the door that led out to the back porch, nearly gasping when the fresh night air hit her face. It felt like the first proper breath of air she’d taken in the past five minutes. She passed by a highly inebriated Abraham, declining his offered sip of booze even though she had to strongly think about it for a second. She scurried off the porch when she heard the door open behind her, not bothering to check if it was someone she knew or not and walked through the yard until she came to the gate door that led out to the space between the two side by side houses, almost like its own little alley and leaned against the house, trying to calm her nerves down enough so she could go back in. Or at least enough to wrangle Luke in and head back home. 

Carol only said she had to try, and she did. Time limits were never part of the discussion.

She was shaking out her hands, trying to psych herself up when she caught a whisper of movement out of the corner of her eye. Her head snapped to the right, willing her eyes to adjust to the darkened streets to locate what she had seen.

She was about to give up, chalk it up to the shadows playing tricks on her when she caught it again. She narrowed her eyes, finally clocking the figure a ways away.

Daryl.

He was standing under a tree across the street, almost like he was hiding, having some internal debate.

Without much thought, she began gravitating his way. She was shocked to see him, convinced this wasn’t something he would so much as even entertain, especially when he had said just as much. She was shocked even more to see that he was actually dressed up, for him at least. Clean clothes topped off with the freshly washed vest Carol had promised and he had actually taken a shower from what she could see.

Color her shocked. And intrigued.

“Hey,” she called softly, feeling like he might spook off if she had said it any louder. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Yeah, join the club.”

She came to a stand next to him, arms crossing over her chest as she glanced back at the house and then back to him. “You goin’ in?”

He shrugged lightly, toe of his boot scaping against the grassy mound they stood on. “Though’ ‘bout it.”

She watched him as he watched the house, the faint sounds of the event inside still reaching them here. She was seeing a certain kind of…vulnerability, she supposed it was, emanate from him that she wasn’t used to seeing. And, if she was being honest, she didn’t much care for it. Not for something like this, the simple thought of if he should attend a party he clearly didn’t feel he had a place at. She began picking at the skin of her thumb as she watched him shrink in on himself more at a particularly loud laugh that wafted across the street. "Well if you were havin' any lingerin’ doubts, allow me to sway your decision: Don't. It's even worse than it sounded. These people are just so…” she paused, face scrunching up in thought as she searched for the word. “Oblivious. And it's not even just that they don't understand what it's like to be out there, it's like they literally don't understand that the dead are walkin’ around outside their walls,” she ranted mildly, before glancing down at herself and adding as an afterthought, “And I feel ridiculous.” 

He looked at her then, made some undistinguishable sound at the back of his throat but didn’t comment. They watched on for a few minutes before Tess could no longer take just standing there or the tension she felt being in the vicinity of the home.

“You wanna go for a walk or somethin’?” she asked before even fully realizing she was going to.

He hesitated slightly, glancing from her to the house. “Wha’ ‘bout Luke?”

A flicker of guilt had her faltering some, ready to tell him nevermind and that she really should get back to him, but then she thought of how happy and carefree and childlike he had been running around with Sam, not glued to her side alone like he had been for the last year plus. And Tara was watching out for him, same as she knew she could trust all of her group members to do regardless of if they knew she wasn’t currently in the house or not. He would be safe and taken care of, she was certain of that.

“Tara’s keepin' an eye on him and he’s playin' with Sam, he’s ok.”

A mumbled ‘alrigh’ and they were off, slowly making their way around the neighborhood in comfortable, companionable silence. But the moment of peace was interrupted when they went to pass by one house and the front door suddenly being flung open had Tess subconsciously tensing up against Daryl’s side, his hand coming up to rest on her elbow before they saw Aaron’s face looking down at them from his porch steps.

“Daryl, Tess, hey!”

Daryl looked at him, clearly confused as to why he was here at home. “Though’ ya were goin’ ta tha' party over there?”

“Oh, I was never going to go, because of Eric’s ankle. Thank God.” he chuckled, seeming amused by the very idea of him being at the party.

Must be nice to have been given a choice, Tess thought.

“Why the hell ya tell me ta go then?” Daryl asked, tone accusatory.

“I said try, you did. Looks like you both did. It’s a ‘thought that counts’ thing,” he looked Tess’ way. “You look lovely, by the way.”

Jesus.

Tess was almost positive she had been complimented more this one evening than she had been her entire life, sad as it may have been.

She could feel her hands fisting in the material of the skirt, tight lip smile being the best she could offer.

“Hey, why don’t you guys come in? Have some dinner,” he turned towards his door partially, gesturing inside and smiling encouraging at their blank faces and non moving feet. “Come on, it’s some pretty serious spaghetti.” he tempted, going in and leaving them to make their own decision without pressure. Kind of like the way a person might try to tempt in a scared dog or cat.

Tess looked at Daryl. He tried to school his features when he glanced at her to gauge her reaction, but she had caught it. That flicker of vulnerability once again, this time telling her that he kind of did want to go in, did want to try, but didn’t want to admit it. Or didn't think he was welcomed even with the invitation. Or both. Whichever, it helped make her mind up.

She shrugged lightly at him. “I mean, I do like spaghetti. Plus, I'm pretty sure Carol won’t think to track us down here, so…”

She watched him swallow down the same nerves that were lighting up her stomach, and then they cautiously made their way inside.

-x-

Eric had come hopping out of the kitchen as they crossed the threshold, thoroughly excited about the idea of having dinner guests over and getting to entertain. He brought out a fancy bottle of wine as Aaron finished up dinner, dishing it out onto plates as Eric ushered them to the dinning table and seated them side by side before generously filling a glass for each of them.

They hadn’t had to worry about making conversation because Eric was talking enough for all of them. He went on and on about his and Aaron’s lives before, how they met and fell in love. He tried asking them about their own lives some but the clear discomfort they both displayed at the questioning, and the gentle hand from Aaron as a silent ‘go easy’ had him easing up.

It was overwhelming. But…kind of nice.

By the time they actually dug into dinner, the unintentional entertainment arrived.

The spaghetti was, in fact, pretty serious. And probably the best thing Tess had eaten since the beginning of things when regular supplies of food were still around. Daryl was especially impressed, if his eating style was anything to go by. 

The man ate with gusto, as if he were experiencing a whole new level of euphoria for the first time. Slurping up his noodles loudly, pleased grunts escaping him without care. It was no question the most relaxed and at ease she had seen him since they arrived here, maybe even ever. She had to fight just as hard as Aaron and Eric to keep her amused laughter to herself. 

Daryl swatted her hand, pointing to her untouched glass of wine, silently asking if she was going to drink it and she give him a ‘have at it’ tilt of of her head and lightly pushed the glass his way. He happily accepted it with a hearty drink.

“So, how long have you two been together?” Eric asked.

Tess paused mid bite, unsure if she was receiving the question the way intended, but then Eric expanded.

“I don’t know if things were the same for you heterosexuals, but the dating scene was an absolute nightmare before, I can’t even imagine what it’s like now.”

“Oh, um…” Tess felt her face heating up as she shook her head, not able to even glance at Daryl, though if she had she would have seen his was doing the same. “We’re not, uh, we’re…not.”

“Oh,” Eric said simply, looking genuinely shocked while even Aaron looked vaguely surprised by the answer. “I'm sorry for assuming. You guys just seem, so…”

Awkward tension, to say the least.

Eric, reading the room, pivoted and tried to change the subject.

“Mm, you know this reminds me,” he turned his attention to Daryl. “When you’re out there, if you happen to be in a store or something, Mrs. Neudermyer is really looking for a pasta maker. And we’re all really trying to get her to shut up about it.”

He began going on a mini tangent about the older woman wanting to make her own pasta despite them having crates full of the dried stuff. All the while both Daryl and Tess looked at him at a full loss, trying to piece together what bit of information they were missing from this new avenue of conversation with what little they had. He finally began slowing down when he noticed their looks, as well as the one Aaron was giving him.

He shifted the fork around his plate awkwardly. “I thought it was already done. You didn’t ask him yet?” he gave a pointed look to Aaron, who just shook his head with a sigh before telling Daryl there was something he wanted to show him and the two men made their way into the garage while Tess stayed back at the table with Eric.

They sat in somewhat awkward silence for a few moments before Eric broke it.

“So, you guys really aren’t together?”

-x-

Daryl seemed lighter, somehow, after he came back from the garage with Aaron. He and Tess took their leave shortly after, Tess explaining this time she really should get back to Luke. They thanked their hosts and were invited to come over anytime.

People were starting to trickle out of Deanna’s house as they neared it again. Luke was holding Tara’s hand as they were getting ready to make their way home with Maggie, Glenn and Noah. He immediately ran their way when he spotted her and Daryl, Tess sending a signed 'thank you' to Tara, who smile back with a wave.

The three slowly trotted along behind the others as Daryl explained what Aaron had wanted to show him and how he wanted him to be the new recruiter. Tess’ knee jerk reaction was that she didn’t want him to have to be out there regularly when he didn’t have to risk the danger, despite knowing full well he could take care of himself just fine. But the lighter air around him, like he could maybe prove himself quickly erased any doubtful feelings that had initiated.

“So when do you think you’ll be headin' out?” she questioned as they made it home a few minutes after the others, choosing to loiter on the porch.

“Said he wanted ta head out again soon I’s can get the bike together, shouldn’ take more’an couple days,” he looked Luke’s way. “Prob’a’ly gonna need some help with it though, think ya up fer it, little man?”

Luke’s eyes practically became saucers, nodding his head enthusiastically.

Yes!

Tess smiled warmly as she ruffled his hair. “Well we better get you to bed then so you can be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the mornin', hm?”

He made a face, clearly not a fan of hitting the hay early. He even looked to Daryl with a slight pout, looking for the man to maybe intervene in this unjust ruling.

“Nah, don' look at me, kid. Listen ta ya mama.”

A big sigh, but no complaints as he reached for Tess’ hand to accept his fate.

“I know, I know, I'm just awful, such a terrible life you live,” she teased, rubbing his back as she pulled him against her side. She reached for the door handle, pausing to look back at Daryl. “You comin’ in?”

“Will in a bit, gonna have a smoke first.”

“‘Kay. Hey,” she waited until he looked back at her. “Th-thanks for bein' my runaway partner tonight. It was…nice,” she glanced around the quiet streets. “Maybe, maybe it’s not all so bad.”

“Yeah, maybe not.” he agreed, a contemplative look on his face.

“Goodnight.”

“Nigh’.”

Tess opened the door, ushering Luke through and was about to enter herself when Daryl’s quiet voice halted her.

“Tess?”

“Hm?” she turned his way, pulling the door back closed a little so she could hear him over the chatter of the others inside.

He looked nervous again, not quite able to make eye contact with her, looking at the ground shyly. “Aaron was righ’,” he started, continuing when she just looked at him with raised brows. “...Ya do look nice.” he mumbled quietly, just barely loud enough for her to hear.

But she had.

She was lightly stunned at first, mind going completely blank at the words as she looked down at herself, as if looking to appraise her own look for the first time tonight.

“Oh,” she murmured, more to herself than to him as once again that evening her hand came down to fist in the skirt of her dress, except not in nerves or discomfort this time. Something more akin to wonder. “Thank you.” she murmured back, possibly quieter than his own words had been. 

Neither one of them remotely aware of the matching blushes they sported.

She went to turn back inside, stopping to gesture vaguely in his direction without actually making eye contact. “So do you…shower looks good on ya,” she all but whispered, then practically stumbled over herself when it struck her how offensive that might sound. “Not that you - mm,” she stopped short, intending to say ‘not that you don't usually‘ but realized, just in time, that that would probably be more embarrassing for them both. She finally got her filter back under control, mumbling another quiet 'goodnight' before finally, blessedly, making it inside the house.

She halted at the giant grin plastered on Luke’s face, thoroughly at a loss as to what could be causing such a reaction.

“And just what is that look for?”

He looked at her like the cat who ate the cream before making an overly exaggerated kissy face.

Tess let out a shocked laugh, despite herself, before shaking her head at what she perceived as ridiculous.

“Alright, off to bed with you, mister. You’re clearly sleep deprived.”

He sure did seem awfully sure of himself though.

Chapter Text

Now

That damn red light. Blinking faithfully, mockingly once again as it recorded the interaction. It was the only thing she could focus on at the moment as she tried, fruitlessly, to regulate her emotions.

“Tell me, in your own words, exactly what happened.”

Tess broke her stare down with the camcorder to look at the stoned face woman across from her, taking a breath and giving her story.

Then

Even by the new world’s standards, how did shit go so wrong, so fast?

Several days after the party saw the community in need of a run due to their power grid going out. There was a warehouse that Eugene was adamant would have the part needed for him to repair it. Tess, Glenn, Noah and Tara were once again assigned onto the run crew with Aiden and Nicholas after Aiden and Glenn had made amends and put the water under the bridge at the welcome party. Deanna had even personally thanked Glenn for knocking her eldest on his ass and giving him a little reality check.

Tess dropped Luke off at Aaron’s garage with a kiss on the forehead and the reminder to be good, where Daryl was already waiting like every morning to begin his new little apprenticeship.

She was definitely slacking on ensuring Luke was regularly attending his school sessions, but how could she help it when it made him so happy? The boy would come home covered in grease everyday, little hands waving around excitedly as he tried to explain everything they had done that day.

The proud little smirks she would catch Daryl trying to hide as he’d watch on were a bonus.

The group had made it safely to the warehouse, save for Eugene’s complaining that he had no business being there and Tess’ pounding headache from the noise Aiden had the nerve to call music. Aiden had even backed Glenn up against his friend when it was suggested they do a perimeter check first to scout out all possible exits.

They had gotten inside with no fuss, Glenn taking lead as they slowly made their way through the room, each taking an aisle to clear as they circled closer to the area they suspected they needed to be for the part they were looking for.

There was a good sized group of walkers trapped behind some fencing, so Tara and Tess took Eugene so he could assure the correct part was acquired while the others stayed back to keep an eye on things from their end. 

They located what they needed and had begun packing things away when silenced gunshots cut through the air from up front. Tess had gone to make sure they didn’t need any help and had just begun to hear Glenn yell for Aiden to stop shooting when a bright flash lit the place up before a blast rocked everything around them.

When Tess finally got her bearings about her again, it was to a whirlwind of panic. The explosion allowed the previously enclosed walkers to get out and she could vaguely hear Glenn and Noah yelling and pleading with Eugene to kill an approaching one as they were blocked off. But the man froze and Tess was just barely able to retrieve herself from amongst the rubble to drive her knife into the skull of the second dead one that had snuck up on him and was just about to take a chunk out of his neck, at the same time Glenn and Noah were able to break through and handle the others. 

Tara had gotten badly hurt, Eugene assessing that she wouldn’t make it much longer if they didn’t get her treated. Then Aiden, who Nicholas had sworn was dead after being impaled during the explosion started screaming for help.

Eugene manned up, insisting he could and would get Tara safely to the van if they got Aiden and cleared a path for him.

But Aiden had been a lost cause. He was too badly injured and even between the four of them, they couldn’t get him free and were only causing more pain trying. Tess eventually had to forcibly remove Glenn from the young man’s side, not wanting to leave someone behind, especially alive like that, but they had run out of time.

His agonized screams as the dead tore into him echoed in Tess’ mind as they ran for safety.

In the ensuring chaos Glenn, Noah and Tess found themselves chasing after Nicholas, who began wildly making his way to the front doors despite Glenn and Noah having had explained about the large swarm of walkers in the front parking lot. The two boys tried to provide cover and clear a way for themselves as Tess had just managed to get a grasp on Nicholas as he stood in front of the reaching horde. She yanked him back into one of the stalls of the turnstile doors just as Glenn and Noah had to shield themselves inside the glass walls, the two pairs effectively trapped on either side with an army of dead surrounding them from both inside and outside the building.

The doors rattled violently and the snarls of the dead was damn near deafening. Tess felt her nerves hit a fever spike and she looked to Glenn desperately, hoping to any God out there that he had one of his bonkers plan of ingenuity to get them out of an impossible situation. Only, there were no answers waiting for her, no hairpin scheming lighting up his eyes.

Just fear.

The weight of their situation set in fast, like quick drying cement and Tess began feeling suffocated under the weight of her own impending mortality, when the sharp sound of a horn suddenly cut through the air. Eugene had arrived with the van, slowly drawing the horde from outside away and after him.

With that group gone, it gave the trapped four a moment to think and allowed Glenn to make a plan. Him and Noah would break out the glass from their door while Tess and Nicholas held the doors shut against the remaining group of walkers from the lobby side, and once they climbed through they would then help push against the walkers so they could free themselves. It was slow going and nerve wracking, but it was working. Little by little, it was actually working.

Until Nicholas panicked and subsequently flipped on all of them.

He began fighting against Glenn and Noah’s actions, pushing in the opposite direction in a desperate attempt to free himself. Tess had to give up on trying to hold the doors against the walkers to instead try to restrain him, the man going absolutely feral as he screamed that he wouldn’t let them kill him. He ended up getting Tess held down, violently shaking her off him before grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving her, hard, against the door. Her head bounced off the glass, leaving a small crack as she sank to the floor, dazed.

Her world went blurry as she heard the proceeding yelling and felt like her body was being dragged, which it was. Without her fighting against him and his adrenaline pumping, Nicholas was able to push his way out on his own, causing Tess’ body to be dragged along inside the stall as the lobby walkers finally got the upper hand on pushing Glenn and Noah towards their waiting hands and snapping jaws.

Tess eventually had enough wherewithal to blindly grab onto the edge of the doors, a feeble attempt to hold them back. Her focus came back in fast and sharp when she felt her knuckles begin to be crushed between the edge of the door and the door frame. Gritting her teeth and grunting in pain, she tried to gain some kind of traction to free herself without losing her grip. It was a fruitless effort though, and with a final yell she had to let go, doing her best to immediately scramble up and get her back pressed against the wall and her feet braced against the doors to keep them in place once more.

But she hadn’t been quick enough.  

The dead had managed to grab ahold of Noah, pulling him down into the mob of them as they began feasting.

Tess couldn’t look away, watching on in horror as they devoured him right in front of their eyes in easily the most brutal takedown she had ever personally witness. 

Noah. This sweet kid who had just wanted to find his family. Who had risked himself to try to help Beth and then protect Luke and helped get him back to her.

Tess felt the tears running down her face, finally having to force her eyes away when one went in and bit a large chunk right out of his face.

She tried to get herself back under control. She could feel her legs shaking under the pressure of the dead still trying to break through the doors and knew she couldn’t hold it back much longer. Glenn had gone damn near catatonic and she needed to play her part in getting them out of here.

“Glenn,” she tried, voice coming weak before she cleared her throat, readjusting her legs before trying again, louder this time. “Glenn.”

When he still didn’t respond she had to raise a fist to bang on the glass.

“Glenn!”

It finally got his attention, his body jerking to attention as teary eyes met hers and broke her heart all over again.

“We gotta go,” she said with a hint of regret and a shake of her head. “But I can’t do it alone, I need your help. Please. Get me home to Luke so I can get you home to Maggie.“ she pleaded.

He nodded, features still a touch distant as he shakily rose to his feet and, slowly, began pushing his way out with her assistance.

He finally got free and helped her up as the two took off, searching for the van. They eventually found it, along with Nicholas insisting they were all dead and trying to force Eugene in so they could leave. Glenn reached him before he could, taking him down effortlessly with a punch and then knocking him out cold with a second.

Tess could do no more than look at the crumpled body in disgust, passing by with a kick of her own to his gut as she made her way into the back of the van to help Eugene with Tara while Glenn wordlessly, mournfully got in the driver’s seat to begin their journey home.

It was Glenn’s decision and his alone to back up and dump Nicholas’ body in the van.

Now

Tess finished telling her side of things, every last detail she could remember over the lingering screams of the two they’d lost today, mixed in with the ungodly wails of Deanna when she was informed that her son would not be coming home.

“Nicholas says it was Glenn who caused Aiden’s…that he distracted him, and that the both of you forced him to leave him behind and then nearly sacrificed him to save yourselves.”

Tess raised her eyes slowly to meet the woman’s cold stare, dead eyes still clearly stating what her words hadn't; she was inclined to believe him, or more than she was believing Glenn and Tess, at least.

She felt her hackles rising, defenses screaming to be released and she barely had a containment on her still raging ire. Her hands hadn’t stopped shaking since they’d started driving home and she had to clasp them tightly now to avoid doing…anything.

She took as deep a breath as her body would allow before trying, as civically as possible, to get through to the grieving mother.

“All due respect, ma’am, but that’s bullshit. Your guy insisted Aiden was d- gone, until it was too late to do anything. He threw me against a glass door for tryin' to help my friends. He nearly knocked me out, nearly got us all killed. And I refuse to take the blame for that or to see it passed on to Glenn.”

The two women stayed in a stalemate, dual steely gazes boring into the other, challenging.

Deanna was the first to look away, slipping her pen into place in her notebook and placing it on her side table. 

“You may leave now.”

Tess didn’t need to be told twice, jumping up and making her way to the door.

“Also,” Deanna called out before she was out of the room. “I’ve already told Glenn and Nicholas, but for the time being you’re all on suspension. No guns, no going outside the walls until I say so. Is that understood?”

That was the breaking point.

With a hand securely on her bowie - because fuck them all if they actually thought they’d be taking that from her - she threw all pretenses of politeness and empathy for the grieving woman out the window and stormed out of the home, slamming the door none too nicely on her way out.

She stalked the streets back to their houses, feeling the way her body was humming like a revved up truck with fury. When she got to their street she saw Rick talking to Glenn out on the porch, seeming to be in their own private, possibly contentious debate. She brushed past them both as she stomped up the steps, ignoring the call of her name as she flung the front door open. It smacked against the wall, causing the others inside to jump a little.

Luke, who had been innocently waiting for her to come home, immediately jumped up from his spot on the couch, running up to her with a piece of paper in his hands that she didn’t even register as she guided him back with the gentlest push she could to Maggie before continuing her journey upstairs to their room where she promptly slammed that door shut too.

She paced the room for a moment, trying to disperse the energy that was taking over before she grabbed for the nearest thing she could reach and threw it across the room. The picture frame shattered against the wall, glass splattering everywhere. She went to town on the assortment of knick nacks decorating the top of the dresser, sending them flying with a sweep of her arm. She was looking for her next target when there was a small knock on her door, Rick cautiously stepping in with Daryl lurking just behind him.

Tess didn’t notice their presence at first, finally turning and face withering when she did. 

“This is...” she began, voice shaking with the rage coursing through her veins, looking to Rick specifically. “You were right. These people are a fuckin' joke. That asshole tried to kill all of us and it’s our fault? Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?!” she went to punctuate her point by taking out the lamp next, but Rick stepped forward, removing the potential missile from her hands and going into placating cop mode to talk her down. 

“I know, I know, I get it, I do. Don’t worry, we’ll get this settled and make things right.”

Tess didn’t need any clarification on what he meant by that. She may not have been involved in secret meet ups or had near nightly chats with the man like she did with Daryl, but it was no secret amongst the group that Rick didn't trust these people or the way they did things and was just waiting for an opportunity to seize control. The politics of it all made her uneasy before, but now?

Yeah, she’d be fine seeing a takeover.

She nodded her approval and then noticed that Daryl was being awfully quiet. She looked to him, and then immediately wished she hadn’t.

He looked…conflicted, troubled by the thought of what they were discussing. And it didn’t sit well with her. In the state of her blind rage she could only take it as judgment against them. Against her.

“Are you serious?” she all but snarled out, continuing on when he just looked at her in confusion. She crossed her arms over her chest, beginning to shut down completely. “When the hell did you become such a bleedin' heart for these people?”

“...I ain’t,” he replied back lowly, his own eyes flashing in defense.

“No? Might wanna go look in the mirror and tell that to your face.”

He was about to reply and it was clear things would have gotten uglier if he had so Rick stepped in between them, trying to cool them both down and insisting that they didn’t need to be fighting amongst each other, that each other was all they had.

Tess just shook her head, not in the mood for therapy talk and completely done with the day. She’d more than had enough.

“Get out.”

Rick paused in his talking, both men looking at her.

“Get out, both of you, now.” she ordered, waiting for them to leave. When they didn’t immediately her eyes flashed cold again, indignant at their hesitance or refusal to give her space. She began moving their way, possibly to get physical, she couldn’t tell. Neither seemed willing to wait and see and finally began making their leave with Rick pushing Daryl out and Tess pushing Rick out. They barely cleared the frame when, for the countless time that night, she slammed the door shut, effectively blocking them and the rest of the world out and giving the door a hefty kick for good measure.

She turned, back to the door and just stood there for a moment before letting out a frustrated scream.

Then the panic attack kicked in.

The anxiety and anger and energy coursing through her. The heavy chest. The heavy, gasping breaths as she tried to get her breathing back under control. The dizziness as black spots began swimming in her vision. She tried to make it to the bed, desperately hoping that sitting down would help her calm down but she didn’t make it. As the lightheadedness got worse she stumbled, aiming to land on the bed but missing completely and falling to the floor with a heavy thud.

Then the world went dark completely.

-x-

She came to some unknown amount of time later, noticing first through the pounding headache she now had that the house was completely silent so she figured it must had been a solid chunk of time if people were already settled in bed.

She eased herself up, leaning against the bed - still trying to manage the dizziness - and took in the mess of the room like she was seeing it for the first time. She could vaguely remember throwing something, but had no memory of trashing half the place, deep within her blind rage as she was. The utter hissy fit she’d thrown, the venom she could, unfortunately, remember hurling at Daryl with no real cause other than what she had conjured up in her own mind based off a single look, punishing him for things he hadn’t done…

She didn’t think she had ever felt more like her mother.

Such a bitter pill to swallow, she nearly choked on it. She wallowed in the misery of that revelation for a few minutes before she was able to drag herself up. She stepped around the destruction she had caused, quickly deciding she needed to get a broom and a trash can to clean up before Luke came in and -

Oh.

Whatever lingering haze she was in instantly cleared up. She could remember that clearly now. Pushing him away as he tried to approach her. The look of confusion dappled with rejection she never thought she’d be responsible for putting there.

She left the room in a bit of a flurry, guilt over her behavior swirling with the mini panic setting in over the realization she didn’t even know where he was at the moment. Luckily for her dwindling nerves she didn’t have to look far. Once she got to the bottom of the steps she spotted him curled up, asleep on the couch with Glenn watching over him. He looked up when he heard her, giving her an attempt of a small smile that failed miserably in achieving it’s goal.

“Hey.”

She breathed relief, seeing Luke ok and sleeping peacefully. Not alone. “Hey. Is he…?”

“He’s ok, he was just worried about you,” he hesitated for a moment. “We all were.”

Her stomach rolled on itself at the deepening guilt.

“Yeah…sorry,” she murmured meekly, not even able to look at Glenn. “Thanks for stayin’ with him.”

“Of course, no problem.”

He went silent then, and if Tess had been looking she would have seen the weight his stare had. She watched her feet as she heard him stand, expecting him to go on home to the other house but glanced up when his shoes stopped right in front of her. There was a whirlwind of emotions clouding his face, changing so fast she coudn’t really keep up long enough to pinpoint one down. And before she could he stepped forward and had her locked up in a tight embrace that had her frozen in place, wondering where it had come from.

“Thank you,” he whispered imploringly, voice tight with emotion. “If it hadn’t of been for you, I'm pretty sure I wouldn’t be here right now.”

She slowly returned the embrace, stunned into silence over his gratitude. Sure, she had grabbed his attention, gotten him up and moving again but she could hardly believe that the great escape artist Glenn Rhee wouldn’t have been able to find a way out on his own.

She shrugged as best she could in his hug. “Sure you would have, just might have taken you longer.”

He didn’t respond right away, eventually giving a resigned sigh at her refusal to accept thanks or think she brought anything to the table. "Still."

He finally pulled back, glassy eyes looking down for a moment, possibly in embarrassment, before looking back up at her one more time with a more genuine smile than a few minutes prior. He gave a light pat to her arm and bid her goodnight before making his leave.

Once he was gone she turned her attention back to Luke’s sleeping form, sitting on the edge of the couch and running her hand through his hair softly. She almost woke him, desperate to apologize to him, make sure he knew for certain that he did nothing wrong, but she couldn’t bring herself to when he looked so peaceful. It would be selfish of her, interrupting his sleep just to try to ease her own guilty conscious. So, reluctantly, she let him be.

She tracked down the supplies she needed and spent the next half hour or so getting their room back in order. She made to bring Luke upstairs and tuck him in properly, but decided she needed some air and made a detour to the porch. She walked out and could immediately feel the weight of Daryl’s presence. She froze in the doorway, door half shut behind her and thought seriously about doing an about-face and going back inside to hide. She had foolishly thought she’d have a little more time to conjure up a proper apology for him. She felt wholely unprepared to do it now. Hell, she couldn’t even find the nerve to look at him.

She swallowed down the dread, new nerves flaring up and pulled the door shut behind her with a soft click, slowly making her way to sit on the steps, back against the railing. She could see out of the corner of her eye two things instantly, clearly. One, he had a hint of apprehension surrounding him. Not quite walls building up, but something. Second, his stare. Even in the dark, even without looking directly at him, she could see it. That analytical look. The one he was constantly giving her in the beginning. Like he didn’t know quite who he was dealing with or just what to expect.

Her shame doubled down. The thought of driving some kind of wedge into the friendship they had built troubled her to no end. She forced herself to sit in the awkward silence, at least on her end, figuring it some kind of penance and the least she could do. It wasn’t easy, she felt herself squirming internally and leg bouncing rapidly. Even when it was hard talking to him at first, it had neve felt awkward to this extent.

“I'm sorry,” came the words in nothing but a whisper. She took a breath, cursed herself for how shaky it came out and forced herself to actually look at him the best she could and repeated louder. “I'm sorry.”

The silent stare off was, mostly, expected, but no less difficult to endure. His gaze on her felt like she was being stripped down and examined, every little nook and secret cranny being explored to find the answers to an unknown question. She finally had to look away, the weight of it all too much to handle. She thought that would be it, that he had no words to give her in the ensuring silence that felt, to her, like it stretched on forever. After what felt like an eternity, his voice finally came.

“Ain’t gotta apologize, s'alrigh’.”

The spark of irritation hit her before she had a chance to stop it.

“No, Daryl, it’s not. It’s not ok for people to treat ya like shit just because they say sorry afterwards.”

He shook his head, lifted his shoulder slightly in a partial shrug. “It’s somethin’.”

“No, it’s not,” she could feel herself getting heated all over again at his acceptance of her behavior. Like it was a given, like it was expected that people were just going to treat him badly sometimes without reason. She didn’t want to be in that category. “Action is somethin’. It doesn’t matter how much you may mean it if you can’t back it up with action. You can say sorry all you want but it’s what you can do and what you do do that matters.”

She was speaking from personal experience, of course. She could feel the shadows of the past creeping up on her as she spoke, broken promises that were glazed over with sorries. The one thing she ever held contempt and resentment towards her grandfather for.

When she was fourteen things had hit a particularly nasty patch between her mother and her. She wasn't small enough to be pushed around anymore and her newfound teenage rebellion had her fighting back, for once. She had gotten braver - not that it would last long - and more defiant. Mouthier, with the memory of stinging slaps to prove it. She couldn't take it anymore, had begged and pleaded with her grandfather to let her move in with him. After a month she had finally worn him down, gotten him to agree and she had been elated. Had thought for sure this was the big turnaround her life needed. Had gotten so excited over the possibilities of where her life could now go, which direction. But then it all came crashing down when he had gone to talk to her mother about the plans, and she had gone nuclear. Screamed, ranted and raved about how he couldn't possibly do this to her. That Tess was her daughter, and he had no right to try to come in and take her child away from her. She cried, played her victim act and he caved. As much as he loved his granddaughter, would lay his life down for her in an instant, Rhonda was still his daughter, his only little girl and the only piece of his beloved wife he had, and he would always choose her first. Not that she ever voiced those thoughts. He had still been her whole world until he died.

Still, Daryl wouldn’t budge much on his stance of forgiveness, looking a bit more like a kicked puppy accepting his punishment. “Maybe.” he muttered.

“Jesus Christ, can’t you just call me an asshole and be done with it?”

A beat of silence, contemplation.

“Fine, yer an asshole.”

“Thank you!” she exclaimed with a huff, immediately shaking her head and muttering to herself, fully aware of how ridiculous she was starting to sound. They sat in silence for a bit, not nearly as awkward as before but still a bit heavier than usual. She turned, stretching her legs on the porch’s floorboards and looking at him more head on. “I can’t stand gettin' angry like that,” she let out softly, not bothering to hide her shame as she made her confession. “Makes me feel like my mom.”

He gave her a knowing stare, one full of understanding. “Gettin’ mad don’ make ya her.”

“Maybe.” she threw his own word back at him, chewing her lip, but with no heat or aggravation in her words anymore.

He watched on, chewing on a thumbnail absently before speaking up again. “Heard ya took a nasty bump ta the head.”

She nodded, hand subconsciously coming up to run along the spot.

“Ya have the doc look ya over?”

“Hell no, that guy gives me the creeps, didn’t even like him lookin’ over Luke.”

“Alrigh’, let’s have a look.” he gestured her over.

She took a moment before standing, slowly making her way over as he swung his leg over the railing he was perched on so he could stand. She stopped at his feet, turned around and felt a sudden shyness wash over her as she helped him with clumsy hands to move her hair out of the way so he could have a clearer look under the dim porch light. An odd tingle danced down her spine as his fingers began probing around the area, distracting her from the tenderness.

She started squirming over the feeling of intimacy the gesture was causing. Had to break the silence.

“So… what’s the verdict?”

“Nah, got a nice goose age, but ya’ll live.”

“Good to know,” she said lightly, going to turn back around and being stopped by his hand gently grabbing her wrist. She looked down as his hand brought up her own, thumb ghosting over the broken skin and bruising on her knuckles. Before he could say anything the door opened, both of them turning to see Luke standing there. Tess turned to him fully, walking towards him as he hurried to her and wrapped himself around her. Her heart both swelled and shattered at the move. She knelt down to her knees so she could hold him more securely, petting his head and rubbing his back. “Hey bud,” she pulled back to look at him, wanting him to see how serious she was. “I am so sorry about earlier, I wasn’t mad at you and it wasn’t your fault, you hear me?” She asked gently.

He nodded, instant forgiveness in his eyes.

“How ‘bout we go get changed and I'll tuck you into bed?” he nodded, clearly still sleepy despite the nap. She gave him a small smile and a kiss on the forehead. “Alright, let’s go big guy.”

She grabbed his hand and led him to the door as he signed a 'goodnight' to Daryl, which he returned. She was about to step in when she was stopped.

“Hey.” Daryl called out quietly. 

Tess turned, giving him her full attention.

“Ya should really get them knuckles cleaned and patched up.”

She looked down at them, nodding her agreeance. “Yeah, I’ll get to it.”

She again tried to enter the home where Luke was patiently waiting by the stairs. She again was stopped by his soft voice.

“I can help ya,” he muttered, thumb once again going to his mouth, unsure of the words coming out of his mouth. “...If ya wan'.”

She considered it, liking the idea and very much wanting to say yes but not wanting to put him out anymore than her earlier blow up already had. She attempted to go with humor to counteract the nice little flutter that hit her stomach over the offer and thought of him nursing her. “What? Don’t trust me to do it myself?” she tried to tease.

He shot back quickly, knowingly, almost smugly. “Can ya be trusted ta take care of yerrself?”

She couldn’t disagree with him there, she had established a reputation within the group of putting her own health and wellbeing on the back burner. Still, he didn’t have to be so blatant in his calling out of her. She sent him a non existent glare that wouldn’t even register on any kind of scale.

“Don’t have to be a know it all Daryl.”

“Didn’t hav’ta be an asshole earlier.” he countered.

She laughed, a short little sound that burst out of her despite herself.

Touché.

She looked down at her hands again, nodding. “Ok, yeah, if you don’t mind.”

He nodded back, already standing fully from his leaned position. “Al’righ, ya can go take care of him, I’ll meet ya in the kitchen when ya done.”

She finally made it into the house, meeting Luke and his outstretched hand at the stairs and made her way up to their room. She helped him get dressed into his pajamas, deciding to forego a shower for tonight. Once he was changed completely he rushed to grab the folded piece of paper from the nightstand that he had been carrying around since he came out to the porch. If she concentrated enough, Tess could vaguely remember he had had something in his hands when she had first stepped in earlier that night.

She helped him into bed, getting him set up on his side before bringing the blanket up, tucking it all around him just the way he liked.

“There we go, snug as a bug in a rug.”

He beamed up at her, an act she still couldn’t believe she was fortunate to have in life, and then pulled at her hand until she sat down next to him, finally handing her the paper.

“For me?” she asked as she grabbed the paper and he nodded. She unfolded it slowly, careful not to rip or tear anything, and nearly lost her breath when she saw what was inside.

A crayon drawing of two stick figures. One smaller, clearly a child, and one taller standing in front of a house. The taller figure was wearing a blue dress. It was them, no question about it, and it warmed her heart beyond measure. But it was the names above the two figures that really grabbed her attention. 

Luke above the one. Mom above the other.

It was the first time he ever referred to her as such, outside of his own mind. She knew what she felt for him, could only imagine it was what actual birth parents felt. And she knew, of course, that he cared about her. Loved her, she could only dare to hope. But she could never know for sure. Not until now.

She felt her eyes water up, the fight to hold it together strong. She looked at him, so proud to be able to call him hers, and smiled.

“I love it bud. I love you.” she leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek, pulling back to see him signing at her.

I love you

A watery chuckle left her before she sniffed and got herself together.

“Ok, sleep time for you. I’ll be in in a little bit, ok?”

Ok

“Ok,” she let her hand rub along his face for a moment longer, savoring. “Goodnight, big guy.”

Goodnight

She left the room, closing the door softly so as not to disturb the others in the house, and made her way to the kitchen, still clutching the picture in her hands as she admired it. When she arrived at the kitchen, Daryl was already waiting just as he said he’d be, supplies lined up on the table. He took one look at the emotion on her face and stood up a little taller.

“Wha’s tha’?” he asked, gesturing to the paper in her hands. She smiled lightly, walking over and handing it to him, bashful pride painted all over her face. He grabbed the offered paper, giving it a once over as he felt his own small smile twitching at the corner of his lips. “Tha’s a good one.” he murmured softly, sincerely.

She agreed with a nod, already planning on hunting down a frame in the morning so she could display it properly.

Wordlessly he motioned her to a chair, already opening things up as she sat, him following a second later. He held out a hand expectantly and she gave one of hers over. He handled her delicately, like she might break if he didn’t. He started with the alcohol, cleaning up the effective area and blowing lightly on the skin at her hiss of pain. She took advantage of studying his face as he worked, the concentration on his task and attention to every little detail. It was like watching him hunt, zoned in and focused.

There was such an odd flutter in her stomach at being cared for by him.

He applied some ointment, bandaging up both hands like he was wrapping a fragile parcel. Just as he was finishing up and she was going to say thank you, she caught a glimpse of curls over his shoulder and leaned around to see Luke standing there.

“Hey,” she said with a head tilt. “You’re supposed to be in bed, Mister.”

He shook his head, hands coming up to sign his bunny ears signal.

“Storytime? You want Peter Rabbit?”

He shook his head no, doing the bunny ears again but this time pointing to Daryl.

Tess knew immediately what he meant, was pretty sure Daryl did too but he still looked to her to clarify.

She had to reign in her growing smile. “Pretty sure he wants you to read him The Velveteen Rabbit.”

The glowing red at the tips of his ears made her smile grow more.

He grunted, cleared his throat before looking Luke’s way. “Alrigh’, go on back ta bed and I’ll be there in a minute, after I finish with ya mama.”

Luke smiled, gleefully bounding back up the stairs.

Tess put an elbow on the table, leaning her face on a hand and covering her mouth slightly when Daryl turned his eyes back to her, trying to look irritated but only managing to look slightly embarrassed. “Ya knew ‘bout tha'? Been eavesdroppin'?”

“I might have known a little somethin’ ‘bout that.”

He looked down, picking at a loose tread on his jeans. “Why didn’ ya ever say nothin’?”

She straightened up, looking at him amusedly with a heaping dose of growing fondness mixed in. “Just how the world is now Daryl. I get puked on, you get overheard readin’ bedtime stories…” she gave a shrug. “The sacrifices we make for the future generation.”

He left her shortly after, going to Luke as she insisted on cleaning up. After doing so she shut off the lights, double checking that the front door was locked and quietly made her way upstairs. She kept her steps light but didn’t bother trying to sneak, knowing he’d hear her regardless.

She sat against the wall outside their door and spent the next little bit in a wonderful state of relaxed calm, once again enjoying the magic wonder of Daryl narrating his tale.

Chapter Text

Three days later Aaron and Daryl were given the green light to head out on a recruitment mission. Tess had seen them off at the gate after walking Luke down so the boy could gift Daryl the pair of sunglasses he had found rummaging around in the attic. After she bid them good luck and Luke had signed out a 'safe' to Daryl they were rolling out and she headed back home with Luke. It was the first time she had ventured past the backyard or over to their group’s other house since the day of their disastrous run and her subsequent blow up and she was already itching to get back behind closed doors. But Luke had been getting stir crazy and had been patient with her pouting as of late so she figured she owed him to take a walk about.

They stopped at home to collect a small piece of bread, spent a few minutes checking in on Tara - who had still yet to wake from her comatose state but was given a clean bill of health otherwise - before making their way to the pond and waiting around to see if the ducks would make a visit. They shared a small breakfast, enjoyed the quiet hush blanketing the neighborhood as the majority of its residents still worked to start their days. At one point Luke came bounding up to her carrying two dandelions - knowing they were her favorite flower despite the classification of being a weed - and happily handed one to her. She took it with a small smile, thinking for a moment before wishing that things would just settle down for a bit and giving the fuzzy petals a gentle blow, sending the unspoken words on the wind.

It apparently never reached the proper destination.

After nearly an hour at the pond they decided to call it quits for the time being on waiting for the ducks, Tess promising Luke that they’d try again later. They slowly made their way back home, taking the long way to kill some time. They were just passing Jessie’s home, Luke stopping and on the verge of asking if he could play with Sam when all pandemonium broke out.

The sharp sound of glass shattering cracked through the air, echoing down the streets. Tess jumped, hands simultaneously pulling Luke back behind her protectively and grabbing for her bowie knife. She searched for the source of the sound, eyes catching on the forms of a battered Rick and Pete sprawled out on the lawn under the now non existent window. Both men scrambled to their feet, immediately latching onto each other once more.

Tess stood rooted to her spot, unsure of what to do other than keep Luke out of the way of the dueling bulls.

The previously empty streets were quickly filling up now, spectators watching on in horror as yet again, in their eyes, one of the newcomers were going wild. By the time Deanna herself had come around to get a handle on the situation and Rick began ranting and raving and waving a gun around at everyone, Tess couldn’t much dispute the opinion.

It took Michonne sneaking up on him from behind and walloping him one good one with the butt of her gun to finally put an end to the debacle. Their group looked on in worried silence as his body was carted away and he was put under guard duty in one of the smaller, empty homes as Deanna declared she’d be holding a town hall meeting the following night to make a determination on how to resolve the matter.

Or, in simpler terms, to decide if she’d be kicking Rick out or not. And by extension, the rest of them as well. 

The following day and a half dragged on like a never ending migraine. The Alexandrians looking at them, more weary than ever. Bickering amongst their own group on how best to handle the mess they now found themselves in. Plotting on Carol’s part for how to manipulate the situation and get folks on their side. Tess ended up checking out at some point, unable to help feeling she played a part in this, had helped rile Rick and his mistrust of the place and its people up with her own meltdown.

When the sun set the following evening she left Luke with Carl and Judith at the house as she followed Carol to the small communal area where the town meeting would be held. They stood off to the side as residents waited for things to begin, a clear line in the sand between the two groups and an even clearer us vs. them mentality hanging over them all.

When Deanna eventually started the meeting, even despite Maggie’s insistence she wait for their missing members who hadn’t shown up yet, it became a back and fourth event. Some people rallying for Rick’s banishment and some, primarily those of their own little group, vouching for their leader despite his obvious shortcomings and rough edges. They spoke impassionedly about how he had saved each and every one of them, in some way. When Deanna’s expectant gaze had landed on Tess, silently demanding her opinion, she swallowed her nerves at having to speak in front of a crowd like this and stated things as simply as she could.

“He makes the hard decisions, the tough choices nobody else wants to. It’s often a thankless job, but he does it 'cause he cares.”

Deanna began her own speech after, including an interesting little nugget about how Gabriel himself had gone to her privately, imploring that they were no good and couldn’t be trusted but was interrupted when Rick came stumbling in, covered in blood and a walker slung over his shoulder before he threw it to land in a heap at Deanna’s feet. He too then started a speech - a lecture, more like - about how they hadn’t brought the walkers, that they were already here but they could teach them to be better, stronger. He himself was then interrupted by a heavily intoxicated Pete.

The man could barely stand straight, ranting about what a danger Rick was all the while he carelessly swung Michonne’s katana back and forth. The next few moments were a hectic blur as he began taking threatening steps towards Rick, Reggie stepping forward to try to intervene only to get the blade jammed into his neck. Deanna screamed in abject horror, cradling her dying husband as his blood began to stain her hands and the ground around them before she coldly looked to Rick and ordering him to ‘do it’, leading to him swiftly turning and putting a single bullet in Pete’s head.

Tess dizzily held onto a stunned and shattered Jessie, the woman having attempted to run forward when Pete had initially attacked Reg, not even able to imagine the torrent of emotion washing through her.

The weighted silence that had fallen over the crowd was broken by a new voice ringing out, Daryl and Aaron having had returned early from their trip with a curious addition, Morgan, an old friend that had tracked Rick down from Georgia. The two men had taken off on their own shortly after the mess of a town hall meeting had been cleared up and Tess spent the evening on the porch with Daryl, tiredly giving him the play by play of everything that had happened since he left while he in return gave his own recap of the mess they had run into out there and how they picked Morgan up.

The following morning she was sitting on the porch, watching on as Luke helped Daryl make a repair to the bike chain on his motorcycle when she spotted Rick exiting the empty house across the way where he was holding Morgan, per the man’s request. She rose from her spot and met him halfway on his way over.

“Hey Rick, can I ask ya somethin’?”

He came to a stop, giving her his undivided attention. “Of course, what’s up?”

She swayed on her feet a bit, working her mouth nervously. “What happened with Pete, was that…was that 'cause of me? Did I contribute to that?”

“How do you mean?” He inquired, legitimately confused as to what she was referring to.

“The other night, everything I said about these people needin' to be dealt with…” she trailed off, guilt spiking again just at the thought.

Rick’s eyes softened some in understanding then, placing a hand on her shoulder to get her full attention and make her look at him so she could see how serious he was being. “No no no, that had nothin’ to do with you, that was all me, alright?”

She looked dubious at best. “You sure?”

“'I'm positive. Pete, that was my own mess I was dealin' with, that is not on you, you hear me?”

She still looked doubtful, mumbling out an ‘I guess’ that had Rick cracking a smile.

“Daryl’s right,” he said, elaborating when she brought confused eyes back to him. “You do try to blame yourself for everything.”

She made a face, sparing a glance behind her at the man in question before grumbling, “Do not,” and catching Rick’s knowing look. “Well I don’t try.”

He just gave her a pat to the arm, continuing on to have a word with his right hand man.

-x-

The town was still reeling from the bloodshed event of the town meeting when the next problem presented itself in the form of a walker filled quarry nearby that Rick and Morgan had stumbled upon while taking Pete’s body out to be disposed of. There were more meetings called and debates had on the best way to move forward and address the problem, some of the Alexandrians giving push back to Rick’s plan of drawing them away but all eventually falling in line when Deanna stepped in, declaring Rick’s way as the plan they’d be following.

The next week and a half was spent going over details, drawing up routes and setting teams for each stage of the operation, building mini walls that would act as guard rails to drive the walkers where they wanted them while those who would be staying behind were encouraged to start taking the weapons and fight training Rick had some of his group offering.

The day before they would do things for real the group who would be involved in the mission went out to conduct a dry run so that everyone could get comfortable in the role they were assigned before there were stakes on the line.

Tess was amongst those staying in Alexandria, having been asked by Rick to hang back and keep an eye on Carl and Judith. Not that she had been jumping to volunteer herself for the outside crew.

She had spent a majority of the morning at Jessie’s house, the woman still a storm of emotions over Pete’s death. She had actually confided quite a bit in Tess over the past ten days of her troubled marriage and the secrets she had so desperately been trying to hide. Tess had done her best to be a listening ear or just a shoulder to cry on, recognizing the struggle in Jessie’s eyes of just trying to keep things together for her boys and feeling like she was doing nothing but failing them. She had enlisted Luke’s help as well, telling him it was his job as Sam’s friend to be there for him and to help him try to battle these new fears the boy was overflowing with since his father’s death.

She had left him to work his magic as she headed back to their home, wanting to check in with the Grimes children for a bit and also to give Jessie some breathing room she could actually take advantage of with Sam occupied with Luke.

She was standing in the kitchen, cleaning up from the lunch she put together for Carl and Judith and absently staring out the window. She could see one of the nearby neighbors, Nancy, she believed, kneeling in her front yard tending to her flower beds. 

It was a delayed reaction, hearing the woman’s screams several moments after she watched the machete hack into her neck.

Then the horn began screaming throughout the neighborhood, and her blood ran cold along with the blood now running down the sidewalks.

Chapter Text

Tess jumped away from the window as more and more of these unknown masked assailants began cropping up out of nowhere. She yelled for Carl over the screaming of the horn and ran out of the kitchen, meeting the teen at the stairs.

“They’re coming from every direction.” he informed as he readied the assault rifle in his hands.

“Yeah, I seen.”

They both jumped when the front door flew open, only to hear Carol calling for her frantically.

“There’s too many of them. We need to get to the armory, get the guns,” she explained with a rapid fire succession as she began pulling Tess along with her back out of the house. “You’re gonna help me.”

All but in a trance, Tess followed her robotically until they were about to exit the house and she saw she had someone tailing her.

“Whoa whoa whoa, no, absolutely not, get back inside.” she ordered, just to get immediate push back.

“Tess, I can help!”

“And you will be by keeping your sister safe.”

She saw the momentary struggle as he battled with wanting to help and the desire to protect Judith. Fortunately for her though, and the dire time crunch they were under, he conceded without too much more of a fuss.

“Lock the doors and windows and don’t let anyone get in.” she called out as she continued on after Carol, trying to tamper down the guilt of leaving the kids alone and the fear of not having Luke by her side to keep safe.

She followed after Carol through tunnel vision focus, knife at the ready as the two women stealthily made their way through the town, using the ensuing mayhem as cover to sneak past. Down every street was some figure unleashing some form of unholy depravity on an unsuspecting Alexandiran who stood frozen in fear. Assaulting far past dead bodies in deranged showings of maniacal glee. They were able to sneak up on a handful of the intruders, putting an end to their reign of pain and suffering, but far too many they had to turn a blind eye to.

They couldn’t save everyone.

After Carol camouflaged them both in the garb of the ones they took down, they finally found themselves outside the infirmary undetected, the duo storming in and dispatching of the ones who had managed to force their way in. After finding Olivia hiding in a closet they ensured she was ok before handing her a gun with a quick lesson on how to operate it before leaving the woman with the instructions to shoot anyone she didn’t recognize until they were no longer moving.

After quickly gathering up as many guns as she could manage, Tess and Carol split up, Tess no longer able to delay making her way towards Luke now that Carol had the guns she needed.

She ran into more intruders during her mad dash to Jessie’s house than they had during the trip to the armory, forcing her to engage much more than she would have cared to. All sound save the beating of her heart in her ears left her as she went on autopilot, effectively taking down any obstacle that got in the way of her getting to her boy with the squeeze of the trigger. Her clip was empty by the time she made it to Jessie’s home, barging in like a mad woman.

‘Jessie! Luke!”

She stood in the middle of the living room, breathing wildly as she waited for an answer of some sort. She took note of the horn suddenly being cut off and the lack of signs indicating any kind of struggle in the house and was about to call out again when her ears picked up the sound of crazed laughter and fast approaching footsteps. She turned to see a man running full steam towards her, just barely able to get the door shut and locked right as he made impact with it.

He began kicking and punching at the door from outside, eventually switching to throwing his whole body against it in an attempt to break it down. Tess watched on as the wood continued to rattle before the foreboding sound of wood splintering started mixing in. She backed up, looking around the place for the best hiding spot.

She turned and caught Jessie poking her head over the railing from upstairs, frantically waving the woman back into hiding when the stomach dropping crack of wood dismantling rose in crescendo. She risked a glance and saw the door partially open, now only be held in place by the thin chain near the top. She was just able to duck into the kitchen when the door came flying off its hinges entirely.

She tried to get a steady, quiet breath in as she withdrew her knife again and positioned herself in front of the swing style door that separated the rooms and leaned her back against the small island, raising her foot in preparation. She focused all her efforts on tracking the man’s steps, thankful for his careless noise-making as she zeroed in on the exact moment he stepped on the other side of the door. There was a moment of total silence before she saw the door begin to move and promptly sent her foot flying for a direct hit on the center of the door.

She heard the grunt of pain and kept moving, catching the door as it bounced back in towards her and using all her strength to hurl it into him again. She was poised to go in for a strike with her bowie when he came back swinging his own crudely fashioned machete of sorts that sent an immediate chill through her body. She jumped back, nearly tripping over her feet before righting herself. She ducked when he lunged again, missing his swing and managing to grab ahold of the skillet drying on the sink, swinging it in his direction and managing to clip his wrist enough that it sent the weapon flying out of his hand. She again made to swing her own blade upon him but he managed to catch her wrist on the way down, twisting harshly until she was forced to relinquish this time and catching the fallen blade, regaining control.

She tried to put space between them as he inspected the knife before bringing wild eyes up to her face and grinning menacingly. He stalked her slowly around the island, faking moves and lunges just to mess with her, playing with his prey with rapt attention. He then came charging all at once, screaming wildly and looking more feral beast than human. With nowhere else to move she had no choice but to bring her arm up to block a more devastating impact.

For the second time in her life she felt the white hot pain of steel biting into her skin. The fact that it was her own blade doing the damage this time was a bitter after taste.

Tess screamed out, kicking out aimlessly to once again create space, but it was a fruitless effort. The man got a handful of her hair, dragging her out of the kitchen before ruthlessly throwing her to the ground. She didn’t even get a chance to find her footing and attempt to get back up before he was on her again, crazed laughter permeating the air around them. She could feel the man drooling all over her in his bloodlust as he mockingly kept bringing faux stabs towards her face and neck. She made a grab for his wrist in order to stop him, but it only resulted in a hand around her neck, brute strength keeping her pinned in place as her body went into full panic mode, clawing desperately at his hand. Her vision was just starting to blur at the edges when she saw his arm raise, blade swiftly hurtling towards her and she made her hail Mary attempt.

Just as the blade was about to make contact, she reached up, feeling the serrated edge of the knife eat into the palms of her hands as she wrapped them around the steel, wrestling with him as his eyes showcased his surprise at the move before he grinned wickedly again, leaning down to lick up the blood.

And then, she found herself being bathed in blood as Jessie came in screaming, throwing herself on the man’s back and immediately bringing down the sheers she had clutched in her hand into his neck over and over again, his own screams being drowned out and reduced to wet gurgles as he bled out, finally slumping against her before she pushed his body off to the side and breaking down into hysterics as she clung to Tess’ form the moment she was able to sit up.

Tess tried to calm her down, shushing her lightly as she allowed her the moment to get it all out.

“Mom?”

The broken, whispered word rang out from the top landing, both women looking up to see a terrified Sam standing there, shaking like a leaf while a more solemn looking, subdued Luke stood beside him holding his hand.

As the last screams of slaughter died out, Tess felt herself slump with the weight of relieved thankfulness that, once again, her boy was safe.

Chapter Text

When the dust had finally settled completely and the residents of Alexandria as a whole were left reeling, it was just in time for Michonne to return with the only two members of her group that had made it, though one was barely holding on due to a wayward gunshot. Within the hour of that Rick showed up at the gates, along with half the heard they had been leading away on his tail. The guards had just barely gotten the gate open in time for him to dive through. 

Seeing the mob of dead steadily grow in numbers as they banged and demanded to be let in was a horrifyingly, sobering sight. It was easily the most Tess had ever seen in one place, and knowing it was only half of them…

No possible God out there would be ale to save them if the other half started arriving.

Rick seemed visibly shocked when he was informed that besides him, Morgan and Michonne, along with the two men in her charge, were the only other ones to make it back so far. He recovered quickly though, instantly going into leader mode and giving a rousing speech to the town that any minute the others would be back and they would finish things.

He went to check on his kids next, needing to see for himself that they were ok despite Tess’ adamant insistence that they were. He only spared a second to order her to the infirmary when he seen the extent of her wounds.

Not wanting to parade him around amongst the mass grave that the town had become and him still not wanting to leave Sam’s side just yet, Tess built up enough discipline to again leave him in Jessie’s care, after the woman had finally calmed down from her earlier breakdown.

She walked briskly to the infirmary, doing her best to ignore the mutilated bodies laying everywhere. She may not have known them, and she may have been top on the list who had been hating on them due to the way they were living, but they hadn’t deserved this. And once again being reminded of the brutality of this world and how it touches everything in its reach was a much more bitter pill to swallow than she would have imagined it’d be.

She gave a light knock on the door before quietly entering, not wanting to intrude or interrupt if something important was going on. She walked through the foray and peeked into the main room, seeing several bodies - and another dead body covered over that had been moved to the corner for the time being - laying around and their new town doctor sitting on the floor with a massive medical text book in her lap, looking completely lost.

Tess bumped her knuckles on the wall to draw attention, the girl looking up at her in surprise and then minute horror.

“Oh God.”

Tess looked down at herself, being reminded that she was more red now than anything else after her blood bath and grimaced.

“Yeah…sorry about,” she gestured to herself vaguely. “I can go wash up some and come back, if you want?”

She seemed to consider it for a moment before eventually shaking her head and standing. ‘No, no it’s ok. Um, where, where are you hurt exactly?”

Tess held up her forearm and hands, both wounds still bleeding despite it being impossible to even tell where blood was coming from anymore.

“Ok, ok um,” she floundered for a second, nervously pushing her glasses up before walking around the room, collecting things she thought she would need and handing Tess a towel on one of her loops around. “Have a seat there, maybe try to get some of that blood wiped off while I get the rest of the stuff?”

As much as Tess understood nerves, she wasn’t feeling great about the prospects of being treated by someone who appeared more nervous and skittish than herself.

Stop judging little bird, this ain’t no book store. 

She mumbled an 'ok', not sure if she was answering the girl or her grandfather’s voice in her head. She sat in one of the empty chairs, gently wiping her arms down as best she could without any water, hissing lightly when she went over the wounds themselves and finally balled the towel up against the slice on her arm where there was somehow still a slow leak of blood coming out.

The new doctor came back with a rolling tray of supplies, stopping it in front of Tess and grabbing her own chair before having a seat. She took a breath, clearly trying to steady her nerves and stared at Tess’ wounds uncertainly before glancing nervous eyes to Tess herself.

“So, um, what’s your name?”

Ice breaker. Obviously. Tess really hoped the girl wasn’t relying on her to ease any awkward tension.

“Tess,” she supplied, adding more when the girl just continued to stare at her. “...And you?”

“Oh…oh! Right, um, Denise. I'm…Denise.”

“Nice to meet ya…sorry about the circumstances.”

“Yeah…” she got a far off look briefly before collecting herself with another deep breath and looking more determined than she had been. “Ok, let’s take a look here.”

She removed the towel, pouring some water over both wounds to get a clearer look while she examined things.

“Alright, so your arm and the right hand both definitely need to be stitched closed, but the other should be ok on its own. I'm not seeing any major muscle damage or anything, and this one on your hand here doesn’t look too deep, but I can’t promise there’s no damage to any of the tendons.”

Tess nodded along at the information but otherwise stayed quiet as Denise began opening up the needle and thread she’d need for the stitches.

“I'm afraid we don’t have any kind of numbing agent.” she relayed, almost guiltily, to which Tess just shook her head lightly.

“It’s alright, I’ve had worse.” she said in reply, having to repress a shiver at the phantom pain of Bob re-doing her stitches in the middle of the woods.

“Ok then, here we go.”

She started with her arm as it was significantly worse than her hand, quickly glancing up at the first poke through Tess’ skin in silent apology, but slowly building up her confidence as she worked. By the time she was finishing up her hand the visible nerves she had been displaying were nearly non existent. She tied off the last stitch and cut the excess string with a tired, though victorious huff.

“There, all done.”

Tess flexed her arm and hand, getting a feel for the new tightness in her skin as she nodded.

“Looks good, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Tess got up and made to leave when Denise began gathering up the used items to dispose of, but felt something calling her to turn around. She glanced at the few patients laying around again, then back to Denise as the confidence she had been displaying not seconds before seemed to quickly be replaced by the uncertain anxiety again now that she didn’t have something to focus on.

Again, boy did Tess know that feeling.

She hesitated, before forcing herself to speak up. “Do you, do you need any help? With…anything?”

Denise looked at her, eyes slightly wide like she’d kill to take Tess up on the offer. “I would love help, actually. But, unless you can conjure up some miracle elixir for me to give to him,” she began, pointing to the man currently passed out on one of the beds. “I don’t think you can.”

Tess looked over to the man, the one who had come back with a gunshot wound and walked a little closer to the bed. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He passed out as soon as they got him in here and now he won’t wake up, his leg is infected and I can’t get his fever down,” Denise rattled off, looking on the verge of tears. “I, I don’t know what to do, and he’s probably going to die because of it.”

Tess bit her lip absently, sucking in the side of her cheek as she walked closer to the bed, getting a better look at the wound. It looked horrible. Infection was hardly an uncommon thing, especially these days, but she was shocked it had progressed so aggressively in just a few hours. The area around the bullet hole was swollen badly, an angry red coloring that stood out starkly against the rest of his skin, and when she gently laid the back of her hand against the skin it was hot to the touch.

“Have you tried drainin’ some of this pus?”

Denise furrowed her brow, given her an odd look. “No? Why would I, I started him on the antibiotics we had?”

“No,” Tess began, shaking her head before pointing back to the leg as Denise came closer. “You see this swellin’? Most of that isn’t from the trauma, it’s the infection buildin’ up. Antibiotics right now is just gonna be fightin’ an uphill battle tryin’ to do their job. If you can get some of that gunk out though, it should ease up some of the pressure on his veins so the blood can pump through clearer and his body won’t have to fight as hard to regulate itself. And it should give the antibiotics a better chance of workin’.”

She looked up, seeing that Denise looked thoughtful before rushing to rummage through a drawer, coming back with a syringe. She opened it out of its package and inserted it into the wound, slowly drawing back the plunger. Sure enough, it instantly began filling with pus, getting almost halfway full when Denise finished and removed it. She set it aside and they both stood side by side, waiting to see if anything would happen. After a few minutes, the machine he was hooked up to indicated that his heart rate was very slowly starting to lower.

“Hot damn,” she breathed out, turning to look at Tess like she was some kind of new marvel she had just discovered. “How did you know to do that?”

“I took care of my mom for a long time. After she became nearly completely chair bound she started getting bed sores a lot, no matter what we did. She always had real sensitive skin. Some of them would get infected like this, somethin’ awful sometimes. Just, picked up a few tricks during all those doctor’s appointments and hospital visits, I guess.” she finished off with a shrug.

Denise still just stared at her, before a voice full of sincerity came. “Thank you.”

Tess shrugged again, this time out of discomfort, finally mumbling out a ‘you’re welcome’ before bidding her goodbyes and making her leave, throwing one more ‘thanks’ over her shoulder.

-x-

The remainder of the day was spent trying to clean up the results of the Wolves’ attack. Bodies were moved and sorted into piles of residents who would be buried in the quickly expanding cemetery and those of the intruders, which were to be burned. Blood was washed down streets and sidewalks.

By the time evening rolled around and Tess was finally able to convince Luke to come home, there had still been nobody else to return home. Maggie ended up taking off, worrying Tess. They had all just recently learned of her pregnancy and she knew this stress couldn’t be good for her. But with heavy reluctance she let her friend go, knowing she needed to be alone for a time.

She was sitting on the couch with Luke, well past the time she would normally lay him down for bed but he was restless and looked slightly alarmed every time she started to suggest they call it a night, so she didn’t push it. She tried reading him a few stories, but she could see he was distracted, not really paying attention to her at all and more focused on the front door.

She eventually stopped altogether, instead just staring at the side of his face as she ran a hand softly through his hair repeatedly, thinking over the day and what he himself had gone through and done. “Hey,” she waited until he looked at her to continue. “That was really good of you today, helpin’ Sam, bein’ there for him. I'm real proud of ya.”

He gave her a small smile, attention going back to the door right after. It caused a small frown to come to Tess, thinking he was worried about them being attacked again. “Hey, look at me bud,” she again waited until she had his full focus again. “We’re ok now. The bad people are gone, and they’re not comin’ back.”

She watched him shake his head no, before bringing up his hand.

D

Oh.

Not the bad people he was worried about.

“Daryl?” she asked to clarify, watching him nod along. “Yeah bud, Daryl and the others are still out there,” she watched him as he looked down, face forlorn and it cracked her heart some. “But hey, he’s got Sasha and Abraham with him, and you know how strong they are. They’ll,” she had to halt herself. She wanted to say they’d be ok, that they were safe, but how could she when she had no idea? She didn’t want to get his hopes up should something bad happen. “I'm sure they'll be back when they can.”

He gave her words some thought than lifted his hand again.

Wait?

She took a second to consider what, exactly, he was trying to convey, before she took a guess. “You wanna wait up for them?”

She got an affirmative nod and considered the request, easily giving in when he gave her the puppy dog eyes.

“Sure, we can try to wait up for them.”

He gave her a truer smile then, snuggling into her side as she brought an arm around him and going back to his staring contest with the front door, damn near challenging the door to open with his determined little gaze. He eventually crashed after a few hours, and Tess took up the waiting vigil in his place.

But no one would return that night, and they would both wake up disappointed.

-x-

The following day showed no updates past the continuing growing number of dead at their gates. After a small breakfast that he mostly just pushed around his plate, Luke had all but demanded he go back to Sam’s side. Tess obliged him, recognizing what was going on with him, how he needed a task that he could focus on and have somewhat control over to distract from the distressing feelings of everyone he was worried about.

She wished she had better traits that she could model and pass down to him besides that one.

She spent a good deal of time talking to Jessie after the boys hid themselves behind Sam’s bedroom door, not able to offer many words of advice as the woman lamented about feelings of failing her children and not knowing how to help Sam through his fears and Ron through his newfound anger. But she could be a listening ear, which seemed to be all Jessie wanted anyways.

She eventually made her leave, saying she’d be back around in a bit. She roamed the town, checking in with some of her own people and seeing if there was anywhere she could help. She eventually found herself trailing Maggie, the girl looking worse for wear the more time that passed without Glenn’s arrival. By the time she spotted Glenn’s name written on the In Memoriam wall somebody had started, Tess all but had to drag her away. She was unable to get her home still, but after some persistence she at least succeeded in getting her away from the sight, the two eventually taking up perch on one of the guard towers.

Watching her watch the road was just as bad as watching Luke watch the door the night before.

She had given it an hour before she tried again, Maggie’s body literally starting to shake with fatigue as she observed her sway against the railing some, landing a hand on her arm to steady her. “Whoa, easy.”

“I'm fine.” Maggie insisted still, weakly trying to swat Tess’ hand away.

Tess took a beat, before replying with words she knew Maggie wouldn’t want to hear, words she wouldn’t want to hear if roles were reversed. “No, you’re not. You gotta rest some or you’re just gonna run yourself into the ground.”

Cracks in the mask began appearing, like spider cracks on the verge of giving way to something greater. Hopelessness and uncertainty filtering in. “I, I can make it a little longer. I, I have to.”

Tess found herself pulling a Rick, laying a steadying hand on her shoulder and drawing her in closer. “Honestly? I wasn’t askin’ or sugguestin’. You’re not the only one you’re worryin’ about now,” she gave a meaningful glance to her stomach before bringing her eyes back up and deciding to play a little unfairly, throwing the girl’s words back at her. “You gotta put the oxygen mask on yourself first, right?”

They stood staring at each other silently, until Tess saw the moment Maggie’s resolve crumbled, face contorting some as tears threatened to come.

It was a second before Maggie’s attention was brought skyward.

Her eyes widened, causing Tess to turn and look, finding a bouquet of green balloons floating nearby. She was stunned by the random sight, turning back to Maggie who looked about ready to keel over, though for a whole new reason now. She couldn’t even get a word out before Maggie was scrambling down the ladder, Tess following as quickly as her fear of heights would allow her, dashing to catch up to Maggie as she ran to Rick’s side, who was observing the balloons alongside Deanna.

“Glenn! That’s Glenn!” she insisted through panted breaths.

Rick nodded along as if he agreed, but never got a chance to reply when a sickening creaking sound filled the air. The group turned to watch in what felt like slow motion as the bell tower - that had been damaged the day before during the attack thanks to a semi truck barreling through it - began to tilt before making its descent to the ground.

People all around began scattering like ants to avoid the falling building and any potential debris. Tess grabbed onto the back of Maggie’s shirt, yanking her out of the way and pushing them both as far away from the danger zone as she could. They ended up tumbling to the ground in the haste as the tower made impact with part of the wall around the community, getting their bearings back just in time to watch the sea of dead begin eagerly making their way inside like vampires that had just been invited into a home.

For the first time since almost the beginning, Tess found herself without a fight or flight response, merely sat frozen. Fortunately, Maggie’s hand in hers brought her back and both got to their feet, Tess pushing her in any direction that was clear in a desperate attempt to find some kind of shelter from the growing mob that was multiplying and cutting off their path at every turn as the swarm made quick work of surrounding everything. She realized their only choice was to go up, sinking her blade in a walker skull as she hurriedly pushed Maggie towards the ladder up to the perch they had been on before.

Maggie was able to take down several walkers with the rifle strapped to her back before starting her climb up, Tess disposing of a few more before turning and damn near shoving Maggie up the increasingly shaky ladder as the dead swarmed in, already feeling starved hands grabbing at her feet that were still in reach. When Maggie finally got herself pulled onto the perch, she turned in time for the ladder Tess was still on to be pulled from under her completely, reaching out both hands with an iron grip to prevent her from falling into the crowd.

Tess let out a fearful squeal when she first felt herself falling, kicking wildly as Maggie grabbed on and began tugging her up. With one final kick to the walker that had a hold of her boot, She was able to get herself pulled up with Maggie’s help, both women collapsing onto their backs with heavy, ragged breaths.

That same bundle of balloons floating over them.

The sound of the dead was near deafening as it encompassed the entire town. Both women got up shakily, surveying the absolute horror unfolding around them, in what was supposed to be their safe new home. 

Taking it in, again Tess couldn’t think of a possible God in the universe that could save them from this. They were, quite literally, in the mouth of the beast.

She turned wide, fearful eyes towards the center of town, tears begining to pool down her face without her knowledge, a broken sob leaving her mouth.

“Luke…”

She just barely felt Maggie’s hand slipping back into hers, both women holding onto each other like it was their last lifeline.

Chapter Text

The dead surrounding them only continued to grow in numbers. The ones directly below Maggie and Tess seemed to get more ravenous by the minute, the platform swaying and creaking at a worrisome rate.

By the time night fell Tess had gone nearly catatonic. Everytime she spared a glance into the town she’d shut down a little more, unable to cope with the thought of Luke being in there, somewhere, and her not being able to do a damn thing about it. The hopelessness had been bad enough when he’d been taken with Beth. At least then she had nowhere to even start, save for a car. But this? Being right in the same location and still unable to do anything to get to him in some way, was far worse. If there were some way to stay alive long enough to actually get to him, she’d gladly crowdsurf the walkers below to do it, just to see him one last time.

Maggie had tried, bless her, to stay hopeful, but even she was starting to give in. Both women found themselves huddled up together in the center of the platform, the steadiest part left. They both jumped, hands again reaching for the other when gunshots, nearby ones, started sounding off.

They crawled forward slowly, rising enough to look over the railing and spotted Glenn below, shooting into the crowd of walkers as their attention was shifted to his presence.

“What is -” Maggie began questioning, cutting herself off when more noise and movement sounded behind them, turning to see Enid had found a way up on the scaffolding. She quickly rushed over to help the young girl up.

Tess stayed rooted to her spot, watching in her still semi frozen state. Glenn was yelling, screaming at the dead to keep their focus on him, firing off the last few pitiful rounds he had in a pointless last stand.

He was sacrificing himself. Making a deal with the dead to spare Maggie’s life, the life of his unborn child and by default Tess and Enid’s lives too. Throwing everything away so that they may have a few more minutes.

The world narrowed down for Tess, lasered in on just him in that crowd, damn near surrounded. Then to the sounds of Maggie screaming, desperately wailing for her husband and knowing full well she could do nothing but watch on like a sick spectator as Enid held onto her, all the while Tess was just standing there, doing nothing. This young man who had been nothing but kind and generous and good to both herself and Luke, who had constantly gone out of his way to include them and let them know they too were a part of this family. How could she live with herself if she just stood there and never even tried to help him somehow?

She collapsed into a heap on the ground before she even knew she had jumped or the freefall registered.

The landing was like an ice plunge for her body, shocking her system alert and out of the fog she had been in. She jumped to her feet as if the ground were burning her flesh, reaching for the gun in her waistband and firing off shots at the walkers closest to Glenn and piercing her knife into the skulls of the ones crowding her. Seconds felt like hours as she made her way towards Glenn, reaching him just when her clip emptied. And just like that, whatever suicide mission adrenaline she had been under the influence of abruptly fizzled out, replaced by the weighted understanding of what she had just done, matched only by the look of near devastation on Glenn’s face as he pulled her to him.

“What did you do?!”

She couldn’t answer. Voice locked in her throat as the dead continued to surround them, backing them against the wall of the gate. In one final act of chivalry, Glenn positioned himself in front of her, looking to maybe take the brunt of the attack if nothing else. Tess had always prayed that if and when the day came that her number was up and she was out of that dumb luck that had followed her around since the beginning, it would have been any other way than this.

At least Luke wouldn’t be here to see it. He wouldn’t have to live with that final image of her like he had his first mom.

She closed her eyes tightly against the overwhelming fear and impending inevitability, hands locking onto Glenn’s shirt and back as he partially turned to hold onto her as he also waited for their end.

The hailstorm of bullets raining down all around them was, decidedly, not expected.

They both nearly fell to the ground in their shock, watching on in bewilderment as the wave of walkers that were just moments away from devouring them were mowed down, immediate threat instantly swept away like the ocean tide.

They didn’t dare breathe, sharing a stunned look before simultaneously looking up to see just what miracle they had bore witness to.

Standing atop of the gate, somehow, stood their guardian angels in the form of Sasha and Abraham with their automatic weapons.

Abraham, looking like a goddamn kid on Christmas morning, hollered down to them with more glee than Tess would have thought him capable of.

“Mind gettin’ the gate friends? ‘Preciate it!”

Tess, still in shock, looked at Glenn, wondering if perhaps they were sharing the same near death hallucination. They got themselves moving, working to get the gate open and saw a massive truck of some kind, Daryl behind the wheel waiting for them. Sasha and Abraham - standing on top of the truck, they could now see - worked to help Maggie and Enid off the platform and to safety as Glenn and Tess hurried themselves into the truck while they still had an opening, Tess sliding to the middle as Glenn pushed her in first, both taking a much needed second once he had the door slammed closed again.

“The hell happened?” Daryl questioned, looking out into the over-run town and wondering how shit had gotten so bad since they’d been gone. Instantly clocking the now bloody bandages on Tess when he gave them both a once over for injuries.

“I don’t know, I just got back.” Glenn answered, trying to catch his breath.

They both looked towards Tess, waiting for her to supply some answers for them. Answers she couldn’t currently give. Now that they were out of immediate danger, inside the truck and very much not dead or half torn apart, she could feel herself shutting down again, slipping back into that frozen state.

“Hey, ya with me?”

Concerned voice. Warm, solid hand on her arm. Steady.

Daryl.

His touch cut through the static enough to ground her back in the present, allowing her a second to take a deep breath as if she had just emerged from underwater after too long. She began shaking her head, throat working to get a few words out. “Just…” another shaky inhale, head nodding along this time. “A lot,” she breathed. “It was a lot.”

The hand on her arm squeezed once, then let go.

“We can, we can lead some of them away, but they’re all scattered.” Glenn began strategizing, trying to think of any way to make a dent in things.

“Nah, get ‘em all together, we won’ have’ta lead ‘em away.” Daryl shot back, clearly already having a plan of his own as the others began climbing inside the truck.

They were stacked up on top of each other, barely fitting in enough for the doors to close properly even with Abraham staying up on the roof as Daryl slowly made his way inside. The truck bumped and rocked the whole way as it took down any deadhead who refused to yield to oncoming traffic. He drove the vehicle to the pond, backing it up and placing it in park as he got ready to jump out.

“I’ll get the gas, ya’ll cover me.”

He barely waited for anyone’s confirmation on the plan, throwing his door open and jumping down as the rest filed out after him, putting their melee weapons to use as they dispatched any walker that dared try being nosey to what they were doing.

Tess, knife plunged deep into the brain of who she was certain used to be a Alexandria resident, was also curious as to what the plan was.

When Daryl was done, he yelled for the others to get back in as he dug something out of the back and began climbing to the roof, instructing Abraham to get behind the wheel and pull ahead until he told him to stop. They crammed themselves back inside, Abraham driving about a hundred feet when Daryl’s heavy knocks sounded from above them and placed the vehicle in park.

Tess was once again left wondering just what the actual plan was when the pond erupted into a fiery hellscape behind them. And just like moths to a flame, the dead began turning, following the hypnotic glow as it Pied Pipered them to their final resting place.

With more and more of them taking themselves out in the fiery lake, they were finally able to locate the growing group of people fighting off a large chunk of the horde, actually able to make progress now. The group from the truck cleared a path towards their own group and Alexandrians alike fighting side by side to save their town. They kept at it long past the point of exhausted and limp limbs, nobody wasting a second in eradicating the infected that wanted what was theirs.

The sun was just starting to peak its first ray on the horizon when the final body dropped.

Tess hunched over, short, harsh breaths escaping her as her lungs fought to suck in more air. She took in the state of things, verified that they had in fact taken out every last threat before she allowed herself to finally, once again, focus on the thing that she was most concerned about. She straightened up as best she could while still feeling like she was about to drop, turning in a small circle as she tried to figure out where to even go first. Fortunately Michonne caught her eye and knew instantly where her mind was, quickly making her way towards her.

“Tess, Luke is fine.”

Tess’ head jerked shakily towards her, grabbing a hold of Michonne’s offered hands, afraid to breathe let alone even speak to confirm the news. “He, he is?”

“Yes, he’s in the infirmary with Denise and Carl, but he’s ok.” she assured the frantic woman, holding her tightly when her knees nearly gave out from the overwhelming torrent of emotion that was now pumping through her. She nodded, giving her hands one last grateful squeeze before she was turning and making her way towards her destination as fast as her wobbling legs would carry her.

She turned down the correct road, eyes landing on the home she wanted, spotting a little face in the window that nearly broke what resolve she had left as a relieved cry left her lips. She watched his face disappear for just a moment before the front door came flying open, Luke shooting out of the house and down the steps like a cannonball being fired off. She met him at the edge of the lawn, his body colliding with hers so forcefully she was finally taken to the ground, bundling him up as tightly as she could.

“There you are, thank God,” she whispered in his ear, using her last bit of strength to push herself into a seated position. She pulled him into her closer, feeling like she might just suffocate him but unable to stop herself. She ran a hand through his hair several times, holding his head to her shoulder as she reveled in him being safe and back in her arms for a moment before she went to pull back, still wanting to get a closer look at him just to be sure. The second she went to pull away though, his arms locked around her neck tighter, nails practically digging into her skin. Then she felt just how badly he was shaking. Concerned, she went to pull away again only for him to fight to stay secured in her hold, and it finally hit her. He was scared. “Hey, hey hey hey it’s alright, I got ya now.” she murmured to him, not prepared for this kind of reaction from him.

He had always been so brave, far more so than she had ever felt. Of course she had seen him scared and upset, haunted, but never like this. Not even when he had lost his birth mom did he display this visceral of a reaction. It worried her, wondering just what it was that he bore witness to that had him in such a state. “You’re alright, we’re alright, and it’s over now. We’re safe, I promise.”

-x-

Slowly, as the world continued to wake up around them, more and more people made their way to the infirmary. Some to get various injuries treated, others just choosing it as a place to reconvene with people.

Through bits and pieces of conversations had during the moments Luke would let himself fall asleep for a few minutes, Tess learned of Carl’s near death, and of the loss of Jessie and her two boys. How even once they got out of the house and were able to send Judith off with Gabriel, Sam had refused to go along, wanting to prove to his mom and himself that he could make it and, thus, how Luke also refused to leave Sam’s side.

The trauma response to everything Luke was now displaying had the guilt hitting Tess like a boulder. She was the one who had planted the idea in his mind, that he could maybe help Sam with his fear by being there for him, being his friend. She could only pray that he’d be able to move on from this, in time, the way he always did. And then she felt another wave of sorrow that he even had to.

She had been sitting inside, Luke curled up in the chair next to hers and leaning with his head on her lap, hand wrapped snugly in the bottom of her shirt when a clearly spent Denise came whizzing by. 

“You,” she stopped in front of Tess with a small huff. “You know how to do stitches?”

“...Yeah?” Tess replied slowly, face giving way to a more weary look. “Why?”

Denise started moving again, going to random drawers and cupboards and pulling out various supplies. “I need some help. I need to check on Carl, see how he’s coming along and you need to take care of that,” she pointed to Daryl, grumpily waiting on a nearby bed after everyone refused to let him leave the vicinity without getting the nasty cut he acquired taken care of. “Can you do that?”

Tess turned her attention to Daryl. “You ok with that?”

He didn’t look thrilled - whether by her being put in charge of his care or just that he was there in general, she couldn’t tell - but his tone of grunt was enough to pass as an affirmative so she slowly began removing herself from under Luke, grabbing the small blanket he had dropped by his feet and using it to cushion under his head. She went to wash her hands quickly as Denise laid out everything she’d need on a rolling tray. She dried them off and walked back over just in time to see Denise hurriedly make her way back to where Carl was set up.

“Remember, it’s just like sewing!”

She looked to Daryl, noticing for the first time the subtle display of tension in his body. “Um, alright, gonna need you to lower your shirt some.”

The tension that was subtle before became glaringly obvious then. It reminded her somewhat of when she had unexpectedly hugged him before. She turned towards the tray, pretending to busy herself to give him some semblance of privacy, knowing how uncomfortable it could be to undress any in front of someone. 

After a few moments she heard him shifting about, waiting a few beats more before finally turning back towards him. Instantly freezing when she did.

He had lowered his vest, just barely enough for her to actually see the wound, and had the fabric in a death grip clutched closely to his body. The wound itself was bad, but pretty par for the course these days. What really caught her eye were the other markings.

Scars. They were poking out from beneath the fabric. Long since old, if she had to guess. Thick lines of healed over scar tissue. Too neat, too straight and precise to have been caused by any kind of accident. No, these were put there intentionally. A whip, or belt maybe would be her best guess. And suddenly she was transported back to that night she had sat and talked with him and Rick after Terminus. The way he had gone cold and eyes dark over the discussion of parents. She could remember thinking then that there was definitely some kind of bad history there, and now, the proof seemed to be plastered right in front of her and she was nearly bowled over by the intense flood of emotion that overcame her.

Anger. That was the most prevalent. Anger that anyone could do this to a child, their own child no less. So much hatred suddenly built up in her at the idea, but she did her best to squash it down. This was something he clearly wasn’t comfortable with, shame and embarrassment radiating off him in quiet waves. 

She pulled herself together, beginning to wash away the blood and dirt from his back and doing her best not to give any attention to the scars, not wanting him to feel her eyes boring into them and making him feel any more vulnerable than he already did. She patted the area dry once it was sufficiently cleaned, removing the needle from the package and threading it before taking a deep breath.

“Ready?”

A grunt that she again took as an affirmative and she began the first stitch, wincing to herself when the needle caught on his skin slightly.

“Sorry.”

“Yer fine.”

She continued on in silence, mouthing silent sorries to his back every time she felt like she was hurting him, despite him not having any complaints. Vocally, anyways.

“So, a rocket launcher, huh?” She threw out when the quiet began making her itchy.

“Yeah, guess Christmas came early this year,” he joked, but she could detect a little something in his tone. An almost boyish excitement that he was trying to cover up with nonchalance that had her smiling. “So, someone tried ta clip yer wing, huh?”

She let out a huff. “Yeah, something like that.”

He stayed quiet for a few before softly, almost shyly, inquiring. “Yer alrigh’ though, yeah?”

Concerned. That’s what she heard ringing loud and clear. Then that weird little flutter was tickling her stomach. “Yeah, still standin’.” she hesitated briefly, on the verge of saying it was just a few more scars to add to the collection but took a sneaky glance and the thickest welt peeking out from his shirt and kept her mouth shut. She was just finishing up tying off the last stitch when he spoke again.

“And little man? He ok?”

Tess took a big breath, blowing it out slowly as she discarded all of the used materials on the tray, coming to stand by Daryl’s side as she looked at Luke’s sleeping form on the chairs. “I honestly don’t know, but I don’t think so this time.”

Daryl spared her a considering glance before looking back to Luke, seeming to come to a conclusion to himself and nodding his head once. “Nah, he’ll be alrigh’. These kids are resilient, ya know tha’. Just give ‘em a little time, he’ll bounce back.”

He seemed so confident in the fact, similar to how he was when he declared Luke as hers. It did make her feel better, even with the knot of worry still in her gut.

“I hope so,” she watched Luke a little longer, tilting her head in thought before nudging Daryl lightly with her elbow, mouth twisting nervously when he gave her his attention. “Glad you're back…glad you’re safe.” she spoke quietly, not quite able to make full eye contact.

He watched her, ducking his head some and nodding. “Yeah…glad ya’ll’re safe.”

They let the silence stretch on, listening to the faint sound of birds chirping outside and the low murmurs of people checking in on each other, taking comfort in the presence of others and giving thanks that, despite what had been lost, the important things were still present.

Chapter Text

The month following the attack saw many new changes being implemented around Alexandria. Rick had had a complete turn around in his way of thinking when it came to the possibilities of the place and the people within it, a fresh new optimism that Tess had also adopted. There was no longer a sense of divide between the two groups, it being understood within the community that they were all one now, everyone working together seamlessly to not only rebuild what had been lost or damaged but to expand their home. The place was abuzz daily with the sounds of town folks doing their part, weather that be fortifying weak spots, tending to Maggie’s new crop fields, supply runs, etc.

While still going on the odd run here and there when extra help was needed, Tess was given a job change when Denise had gone to Rick herself and requested that Tess become her trainee. She hadn’t been overly thrilled when he presented the idea to her, still turned off by the idea of being responsible any for other people’s health and well-being and put off the thought after years of weighted obligation caring for her mom. However, she found she quickly adapted to the role of shadowing Denise, being sent off to check in on and evaluate those same older neighbors that Carol had been cooking casseroles for when they first arrived. She was pleasantly surprised to learn that she actually did enjoy helping and taking care of people, when they actually appreciated her efforts in return. She was feeling a whole new sense of belonging and worth she had never really had before.

She could have done without all the medical textbooks to study though.

She had been dedicating every spare moment she had - usually reserved for late night binges - to reading through them, often getting overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things to learn, even just on the basics side of things. She was just coming down the stairs of the home her and Luke now shared with Daryl and Carol - having gone up to tuck Luke back in and lay with him for a while after he’d come clinging to her in the aftermath of yet another nightmare - when Daryl quietly walked through the door, not wanting to disturb anyone as he returned from his run.

“Hey, wasn’t expectin’ you guys back til tomorrow.”

Daryl nodded as he began setting down his crossbow and bag. “Yeah, found everything we needed in tha' new neighborhood Glenn came across last week, decided there weren't no need goin’ out as far as we initially intended.”

Tess gave an approving nod. “Yeah? Nice. Oh!” She came to a stop in front of him at the bottom of the stairs, face lighting up with the new information she just remembered and gave him a secretive smile. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Surprise?” He asked, suspicion already coloring his voice. “Wha’ kind’a surprise?”

She didn’t answer, simply kept the smile and walked towards the kitchen, beckoning him to follow after. She walked around the center island and pushed a tupperware bowl towards him as he came to stand on the other side. “Courtesy of Mrs. Neudermyer, she wanted to thank you for finding that pasta maker for her.” she explained.

He stared at the offering for a moment, tentatively reaching out as he shifted his weight on his feet, another one still unused to all the extra praise he seemed to receive these days. It reminded him of what it was like at the prison, after they had taken in the Woodbury residents. He never could get use to it there either.

“She didn’ have’ta do all tha', weren’t nothin’,” he tried to downplay as he grabbed the fork off the top of the bowl and opened the lid, the aroma of fresh pasta wafting to his nose, and taking an experimental bite, giving a small groan of approval at the taste.

Guess the old bird had been on to something with all that bitching about fresh pasta.

“Don’t worry, she was very happy to,” Tess began, struggling against the growing smile she could feel threatening to take over her face. “She’s uh, well she’s quite fond of ya.”

Or, in the woman’s own, exact words: He’s cute in that dirty kind of way, you know? Lord, if I was a few years younger and didn’t have a bum hip I would just ruin that boy!

She almost passed the words along, just to see how red he might go, but she knew she’d never get the words out to his face without hers turning into a tomato itself. Not that it mattered, he was too engrossed in his meal to question things.

“Ya wan’ some?” He offered around his mouthful of food, extending the bowl towards her.

“Oh no no no,” she quickly declined, smile growing bigger still. “I was given strict instructions that that was meant specifically for you.”

The words caught Daryl’s attention, slowing his chewing and now looking at the bowl like something might pop out of it. “Why, she do somethin’ to it?”

“Nothin’ that’ll kill you, I doubt, can’t swear there isn’t some sort of voodoo hoodoo love spell work goin’ on though.”

He kept staring at the food, thinking, considering, before finally shrugging and shoveling another mouthful in. “I'ma have’ta take my chances, shit’s good.”

Tess let out a light laugh, taking a seat on the stool and turning back to the still open textbook she had been skimming through when she’d been interrupted by Luke.

“How’s the studyin’ goin’?”

She made a noise of discontent, letting out a long sigh and looking up at him miserably. “I can’t even pronounce about eighty percent of the words in this thing, let alone understand what they mean.”

He shook his head at her. “Must be doin’ somethin’ righ’, Denise says ya’ve been doin’ good.”

“I think she’s just nice.”

He made a slight scoffing noise at her denial, but didn’t comment, letting the silence take over as they each focused on their own thing. He finished up his pasta, scooping up the extra sauce leftover with his finger for a final taste before placing the dirty bowl and fork in the sink. He looked back to her, tapping his fingers on the island counter a few times.

“Got somethin’ fer ya too,” he threw out quietly.

Tess glanced up, brows raised slightly in surprise. “For me?” She watched him nod, sitting up straighter and then sliding off her seat to follow him when he wordlessly walked away, waving a hand over his shoulder for her to follow much like she had done to him before.

She followed him back to the living room where she watched him lean over and start rifling through his bag, eventually pulling out something in a tattered, brown paper bag and turning back to her, shyly holding the item out to her.

She looked at it for a moment, tentatively reaching out and hands stilling when she felt the outline of what was inside, wondering if it was perhaps what her mind was screaming it was. She glanced up at him, getting a small nod and she slowly opened the bag to reveal its contents and pulled it out to see fully. An old vinyl album, cover ripped and torn some but the record itself still fully in tack.

Otis Redding: The Dock of the Bay - The Definitive Collection

She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, excitement building over the unexpected gift. Couldn’t even get her brain to work enough to get words of any kind out. Her silence had Daryl second guessing his offering.

“Weren’t positive, but though’ tha’ was one’a ‘em ya said ya liked.”

“It is, he is,” she confirmed, nodding along absently as she flipped the album over to look at the back. “Thank you,” she all but breathed out, looking at him with an odd little smile he had never really seen from her as she went to step towards him before halting suddenly. “Can I hug you?”

Not a question he was expecting to get, made obvious by the subtle way his back straightened. ‘Wha?”

“I, this is…” she started but couldn’t get a grasp on the words she was actually searching for. “This is amazin’, and I wanna thank you and I’d like to give you a hug,” she was reminded of his reaction at the church when he had returned with Luke and Noah, how she had flung herself around him and the way his body had gone rigid at the contact. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable like that again, even if the restraint had her skin itching. “Can I?”

She watched him, the way he thought about the request and prepared himself, finally giving the barest of impenetrable nods that had her smiling softly and stepping forward, slowly, and wrapping her arms around his middle.

He was tense, clearly fighting his way through whatever discomfort the action brought him until she eventually felt his tentative hand on her elbow in his own form of returning the gesture. She stayed in the welcomed embrace for just a few moments, not wanting to push his boundaries before stepping back and hurrying over to the record player in the corner of the room. He watched her as she practically bounced on the balls of her feet, carefully removing the record from the sleeve and placing it on the turntable, checking the back of the cover before picking up the arm and placing the needle in the correct spot to get her to track twelve, These Arms of Mine, her favorite Redding song.

A sharp scratch and some static, and then the familiar melody filled the air as his soulful voice washed over her.

Daryl had stayed rooted to his spot, watching in almost a trance as he witnessed the immediate effect the song had on her. She had tilted her head back slightly, arms wrapping soothingly around herself as she swayed lightly on her feet. It was as if he had watched a weight physically lift off of her, and he couldn’t help but admire the state of calm it had induced in her. He made his way to the bay window, perching himself on the ledge as he watched her enjoy an old world luxury. One that he had provided.

The close call with the walker to secure the album seemed much more worth it now, seeing how much it actually meant to her.

When the song finished she let out a decompressing sigh, lifting the arm again to start the record from the beginning and bringing herself back over to the couch, putting a pillow against the armrest so she could recline back with her feet up.

She kept her eyes closed the entire time, mouthing along to the words and completely at bliss in her own little world. Her own little world that she was happily allowing Daryl to bear witness to. An unspoken invitation that had him feeling the unusual need to fill the air.

“Wha’, ain’t gonna sing?”

A snort. “Noo, trust me no one wants that.”

“Can'’ be tha’ bad.”

The smile teasing the corner of her lips only continued to grow as she still kept her eyes closed, demeanor fully relaxed. “It can, and it is. Somethin’ akin to a cat dying mixed with a cat in heat.”

The small chuckle that escaped him was enough to have her peak an eye open, a new wave of warmness flooding her system.

They spent the remainder of the night listening to the full album, no words needed except the occasional mention of which songs she liked best, teasingly mocking his music knowledge over the ones he didn’t know and delving more into stories of bonding with her grandfather over her grandmother’s vast vinyl collection.

Daryl decided by Dock of the Bay that this side of her truly suited her. 

And that he was now quite a fan of Mr. Otis Redding himself.

Chapter Text

“Yo Foster!”

Tess paused at the top of the steps, amusedly perplexed at the formal addressing. “Yes, Dixon?”

He went strolling by their house, not bothering to stop as he dished out orders. “Get yer stuff, we’re headin’ out.”

This time, she was solely perplexed. “What’re you talkin’ about? I'm supposed to be in the infirmary today.”

“Nah,” he called back, turning to walk backwards. “Yer with me today, already told Denise. Meet ya at the gate in five.” and with those parting instructions, he disappeared around the corner just as quickly as he arrived.

Tess made her way back in the house, running up the steps to grab the bag she always kept packed and ready to go for such last minute occasions as this. Once she had that she made a quick detour over to the Grimes’ - plus Michonne's - home where she had left Luke in the company of Carl and Judith, informing the teen of her new plans for the day, him assuring her that it was cool and he’d keep an eye on Luke.

It took her longer to part ways with her boy. Two months on and he was still struggling, strongly,  with the aftermath of what happened when their home had been attacked by both people and walkers alike. He was plagued by nightmares, didn’t like leaving the house where before he was always itching to go out, and he had become far clingier with her. It had taken a month to get him to go father than the backyard of their new house and nearly as long for him to allow her to leave him with anybody not her, even then only settling for certain people.

She took up more than her allotted five minutes, sitting on the steps with him as she assured him she’d be back as soon as she could, promising that they’d build themselves a blanket fort in the front room to camp out in tonight when she got back. She held him close and left a lingering kiss on his forehead before finally steering him Carl’s way, slipping out while Carl tried to capture his attention with some comic book.

She speedily made her way to the front gate, catching sight of Darryl leaning against the car, arms crossed and impatiently tapping his foot.

“I know, I know, “ she cut him off as soon as he opened his mouth. “Had to have a moment with Luke.”

His features softened some, whatever sarcastic remark about her tardiness that had been in mind dying on his tongue as he gestured for her to get in. She tossed her bag in the backseat next to his and his crossbow as he got behind the wheel, sliding in and fastening her seatbelt - more out of habit than anything - as he started the engine. Eugene opened the gate for them, seeing them off with a salute. Daryl navigated the side roads that led to Alexandria, getting them onto the main highway after a few minutes as Tess rolled her window down to allow a breeze to pass through the stuffy car.

“So where are we goin'? I thought you guys already cleared out that neighborhood last week?”

“Can’ tell ya, s’a surprise.”

Tess glanced his way as he kept his eyes straight ahead. “A surprise? What kinda surprise?”

“The kind tha' would’t be a surprise if I told ya.”

She continued to look at his profile silently, turning to look out the windshield before bringing her gaze back to him, at a complete loss as to just what it was she had gotten herself into today. For the life of her she couldn’t imagine what he could possibly be surprising her with that required vehicular traveling.

“You ain’t tryin’ to kill me and dump the body, are you?” 

“Nope,” he replied, popping the P. “Not today, anyways.”

“Well, do I at least get a hint?”

“Tha' was a hint.”

She pursed her lips at the side of his face, looking back out the windshield with a muttered 'no fun’ under her breath. She watched the scenery whizz by, roads and trees and pastures blurring together in a mosaic of browns and greens and black. She began tapping her fingers absently along the door handle, eyes randomly flitting about the inside of the car before landing on the radio/cd player on the center console, hand reaching out to power it on.

“Don’ -” Daryl began to warn when he caught sight of her hand’s journey, but didn't get it out in time before her finger made contact.

The quiet hum in the car was immediately shattered by the wailing upbeat tempo of some godforsaken country diddy. Tess’ eyes widen just a fraction as she stared bemusedly at the player, features frozen slightly as she took a few seconds to comprehend what she was hearing before letting out a shocked guffaw. “What on earth is that?”

Daryl growled. Literally growled. “Rick. Claims it draws the walkers away from home.”

She looked to him, face a mask of absolute misery and had to cover her mouth as her laughter took over. “Ohhh, oh you poor thing,” she began, it nearly impossible to tell she was being sincere with how much enjoyment she was clearly getting. “No wonder you always come back grumpy after goin’ out with him.”

“You ‘ave no idea.” he complained as he reached over, jamming a finger into the power button to put an end to his torture.

“Why don’t you just toss it?” She asked after getting her giggles under control.

“Cuz then he’ll just find somethin’ worse ta spite me.”

They continued driving for roughly a half an hour before he took a turn off that led them to a small town, navigating around until they reached what looked to be a sort of main street. The town appeared desolate, save for the random piles of trash littering the streets here and there. But no signs of the dead milling about or other survivors. He parked at the corner of one street, right in front of an old antiques shop before cutting the engine, signaling for her to hop out.

Tess could feel her excitement beginning to buzz more, curiosity over what they were doing here reaching a fever pitch as they each grabbed their gear, getting their chosen weapons at the ready should they need them. She followed behind him silently as he began walking along the street, going roughly a block before stopping in front of a small storefront adorned with ratty strips of fabric that used to be an awning hanging over the filthy and cracked windows. She looked up to read the sign that was barely hanging on the side of the brick and mortar building.

Birdbelle’s Record Store

Her mouth opened slightly at the newfound comprehension of what they were doing today as she looked back to him.

“Came across it when we came through last week, figured,” he paused, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck to quell the sudden nerves. “Figured ya’d migh' like ta do a little shoppin’.”

She couldn’t get any words to come out of her parted lips, much like she couldn’t fight the smile she could feel growing. She glanced back up at the sign, willing the sting of moisture suddenly hitting her eyes to go away.

He had done this. Had arranged an extra trip out that didn’t need to be taken, that wasn’t for anything important other than he thought she might enjoy it.

She shook her head, smile now full and completely unrestrained and crossed her arms over her chest, bumping her elbow into his arm lightly.

“Daryl…”

That was it. That was the extend of what she could force past that joyously growing lump in her throat.

He ducked his head shyly again when she threw him a side glance, knowing - hoping - she’d probably like the reveal, but unprepared for the full weight of her appreciation.

Or what it seemed to be stirring within his own self.

“Well, shit,” he murmured, going for levity. “Ya weren’t 'pose ta cry ‘bout it.”

“Shut up, I'm not,” she replied, ducking her head to wipe her face against her shoulder, looking back at him meaningfully. “Thank you.”

He forced himself to hold her eye this time. “Ya welcome.”

He led her up to the door, banging on the glass window a few times to draw out any unwanted guests.

“Came back out a few days ago to clear it out, should be good.”

They waited a few minutes to be safe, seeing or hearing no signs of life and finally making their way in. The place had been visited before, trash littering the floor just as the streets outside, display stands knocked over, broken piles of glass here and there and the random broken record lying in pieces throughout the place. There were half torn posters and signs hanging off the walls, mildew speckling the walls from long ignored water damage. The place smelled of musk and old mold, and yet still it all hit Tess with a sense of nostalgia. Of comfort. Of home.

“Have at it, then.”

And with those words, she was like a kid on Christmas morning who had just been giving free reign of the toy store. She practically bounced over to the rows and rows of vinyl records, eyeing the displays and getting a feel for the ordering system before diving into the categories she had the most interest in.

Daryl watched from the sidelines as she immersed herself in her old element. She had certain tells that let him know when she found something she recognized, different from the way her eyes would light up when she found something she liked, nothing compared to the grimace when she discovered something she wasn’t a fan of. Her features never losing that look of content glee through it all.

In seemingly no time at all she had compiled a small stack of things she planned on leaving with, even coming across a vinyl copy of the Aerosmith album that Luke had had a cassette tape of. She had rambled for five minutes straight about how excited he’d be to hear it again.

Daryl had begun flipping through the rows of records opposite of her then, needing a distraction from the unexpected warmth blooming in his chest.

It was her small gasp that drew his attention a few minutes later.

He looked up sharply, body ready to act if need be but relaxing some when she looked up to meet his eyes, wicked little gleam entering hers.

“Ohh, you are so about to regret bringin' me here.”

Funnily enough, her warning was already making him start.

“Why?”

She allowed her smirk to grow before bringing up the record in her hands and slowly turning it reveal the cover for him to see, John Travolta and Olivia Newton John staring back at him.

The Original Soundtrack From The Motion Picture Grease

His hand was reaching without his knowledge, earning him a sharp slap from her as she stepped back with the record clutched protectively to her chest.

“Oh no, no no no no, uh uh,” she spoke empathetically, giving a light laugh while mischief speckled her eyes. “No, this one I’ll fight ya to the death for.”

She may have been joking, but he still believed she was most likely serious. 

“S’true, no good deed goes unpunished.” he bemoaned, her teasing giggle following suit.

They both went back to browsing, continuing to enjoy the day and each others’ company. They conversed lightly here and there, divulging old favorite artist and songs, her spouting off random trivia bits. She found a few more things to add to her haul, Daryl even tossing in a Moterhead record he came across, an old Merle shaped memory coloring his senses. They had spent nearly an hour there when he figured they should probably start wrapping up, get out of dodge while things were still calm and uneventful. He went to grab her attention but paused when he looked at her.

She was standing at the end of the row on her side, some unknown record held lightly in her hands, troubled look on her face.

“Whatcha got?”

She didn’t answer at first, just continued to stare down as some unknown emotion past over. “Springsteen.” she eventually uttered, so quietly he almost missed it.

“You a fan?” The look on her face seemed like an obvious no to that question, but he couldn’t figure what could have so drastically altered her mood and demeanor.

She shook her head. “No, my mom was,” he watched as some unknown memory worked through her mind. “He was her favorite. My dad’s too, apparently. Every time she was really in one of her moods she'd put on The River and just play it over and over and over again. It was always her way of sayin' just how miserable and unhappy with her life she was without actually havin' to say it out loud…I fuckin' hated that song.”

He observed her and the haunted look she now sported, reaching over the display to lightly pluck the record from her hands. He gave it a quick, cursory glance before chucking it off to the side like a frisbee. “So fuck the boss.”

He was relieved to see that the clouded look began lifting.

They gathered up their stuff and headed out, walking down the street back to the car. She handed the stack of records off to Daryl’s waiting hands along with her pack so he could pile them up in the backseat next to his stuff. While he was busy arranging that she looked around the town, eyes catching on the little flower shop across the street, surveying it with a tilted head as it tickled more unwanted memories of life before.

She started chewing on her lip, debating if she should even bother stating what she was thinking. “Anyone check out that flower shop when ya’ll were here?”

Daryl swung the door close, coming to stand next to her by the front bumper and he looked over to the shop in question. “No, why would we?”

“Sometimes flower boutiques in small towns like this will sell flower seeds. Sometimes that includes fruit and veggie seeds too.”

He gave her a considering look before looking back to the shop with newfound interest. “Yeah?”

“Sometimes. my mom’s did.” she answered with a shrug.

Daryl thought about it a moment, considering they still had plenty of daylight left and nodded to himself. “Alrigh’, let’s have’a look.”

He grabbed his crossbow and tossed her bag to her. She slipped it over her shoulders and removed her knife from its holster, following after him as he once again took lead. They surveyed the front before making their way to scope out the back, finding nothing of note and repeating the process of banging on the window to draw out anything inside. When nothing emerged, Daryl made quick work of getting the door open with a few well placed shoulder rams.

They entered in slowly, finding the place in near perfect condition compared to the record store, if you didn’t count the piles of dead flowers and foliage everywhere. It was clear not many people saw much point in checking out a flower store. 

The floating dust particles danced in the light beams coming in through the windows, tickling her nose. She walked over to the cashier counter, seeing a small turntable rack that was empty except for a single pack of sunflower seeds, but it confirmed her hunch was accurate. Daryl stood back and watched as she headed behind the counter, checking underneath and in the drawers, coming up empty before making her way to the back of the store. She located the storage room in the back and pushed her way in with minimal effort before he could offer assistance. There was a few moments where he could hear her shuffling around, moving things before her voice finally called out.

“Bingo!”

He made his way back to her, meeting her as she emerged holding several small boxes that each held a different type of seed.

“Tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots and potatoes.”

He gave an appreciate nod. “Not bad, good call.”

“Yeah, and it gets even better,” she handed the small boxes off to him, turning around and going back for a larger box in the back corner, turning to him with a triumphant smile. “Ta da!”

He looked inside when she got close enough, couldn’t help the small tick of his lips.

“Well shit.”

The box was filled with a variety of Hostess snacks. Twinkies, Ho-Hos, Honey Buns, Chocolate Cupcakes, etc. Clearly someone that worked here had a massive sweet tooth. That they were now reaping the benefits of. They exited the store with Tess holding onto the box like she had discovered a treasure chest, far more impressed with the goodies than she was with the seeds.

As they leisurely made their way back to the car they passed by a pawn shop, something in the display window catching Tess’ attention and bringing her to a halt. Daryl turned around when he stopped hearing her following footsteps, coming back over to see what she had spotted. 

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” He questioned when he didn’t spot anything of note.

She pointed to a small, crystal penguin figurine. “That.”

“Why?”

“I like penguins, they’re my favorite.” she answered with a shrug.

“Why penguins?”

She gave him a playful glare. “No teasin’,” she waited until he nodded his agreeance and then continued, a barely there blush creeping up. “Penguin proposals.”

“Penguin wha’?”

“Penguin proposals. A lot of penguins are mate for life types in general, but there’s a breed, Gentoo penguins, that’ll search for the perfect pebble to give to their mate of choice.”

Daryl listened along, watching her face as she explained, glancing at the little figurine as he absorbed it in. “Huh.”

She stood there for another few moments of admiring before continuing the walk back to the car, Daryl trailing behind her now as he gave one last lingering look to the penguin. She threw her backpack with the seed packets inside in the back seat next to her stack of records and then hopped on the hood with the box of Hostess treats, patting the spot next to her for him to join.

“Pick your poison.”

He leaned his crossbow against the car as he took a seat. “Hit me up with one’a’em Ding Dongs.”

She passed him the pack and took a Twinkie for herself, both unwrapping their treats and taking a big bite, each letting out small moans of satisfaction at the sugary taste.

“Oh man, that is like, stupidly satisfying,” Daryl nodded along as he already began devouring his second one. Tess glanced at him and gave a small chuckle at the gob of cream smeared on the corner of his mouth. She gestured to her own face. “You got a little somethin’ there,” He wiped the opposite corner with the back of his hand, looking to her to confirm he got it. “No it’s, here,” she reached over and used her thumb to wipe it off, not even thinking about it as she brought it to her own mouth to lick off. “There.”

She completely missed the odd look she got at the action, the both of them going back to silently munch on their treats.

It was a breezy day, helping with the warmer weather that was still hanging around as fall began to creep in. The streets were still surprisingly clear of any dead or human dangers, a bird chirping off in the distance somewhere and the smell of processed sugar surrounding them.

“This was a good day.” she murmured.

He had to agree. “Yeah, not bad.”

When they were finished they loaded up in the car, getting back to the freeway that would take them home. Tess leaned over to start digging in her bag, removing something that she purposely kept hidden from Daryl's view. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she ejected Rick’s CD from the player and inserted another unknown one that she had apparently swiped from the record store without him seeing. She immediately began skipping through to track seven before anything could play, the player pausing momentarily as it caught up before the familiar sounds of AC/DC filled the car.

He looked on, surprised that she would make such a choice and that she was already tapping along to the beat. Downright shocked when she opened her mouth and started singing along.

“She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the best damn woman that I ever seen, she had the sightless eyes, tellin’ me no lies, and knockin’ me out with those American thighs…”

It was truly a whole new side of her, a whole new lightness that he had never seen before. 

“Though' this weren’t yer type of music?”

“Almost every rule has an exception.” she supplied before belting out the chorus.

Daryl couldn’t help the way his own fingers started tapping along on the wheel. “Yer righ’, ya can’ sing fer shit.”

Her loud, open laugh joined in with the music, causing Daryl to think, once again, that yeah, this had been a damn good day.

And perhaps, maybe, that little crystal penguin randomly found its way to her nightstand some days later.

Chapter Text

Tess hadn‘t thought much of the unconscious man Daryl and Rick had been carrying through the streets on their way to have Denise check him over. She had even handed over the spare cookies she had from Carol to give the guy, whenever he woke up. When she spotted him through her window sneaking into the Grimes’ home while tucking Luke in, however, was a much different reaction.

She had sprinted over there and got him at gunpoint on the stairs right around the same time Carl came out of his room and had his own gun trained on the stranger, and roughly thirty seconds before the rest of the calvary came charging in, various weapons drawn and aimed before a - still - dressing Rick and Michonne emerged, signaling everyone to stand down and that it was ok.

The next several hours consisted of the man - Jesus, Paul, whichever - telling of his own community, the communities they traded with and the proposed idea of starting trade relations themselves.

He hadn’t been kidding when he exclaimed that their world was about to get a lot bigger.

It left Tess’ head spinning, the idea of various other communities around them, knowing how hard and valiantly they had had to fight for their own place. Though she was left reeling once the group had returned from their trip to scope out this new community. A town hall meeting was held to discuss the plan to accept a deal with Jesus’ place, Hilltop, one that consisted of receiving food that they had become desperately in need of in return for the Alexandrians taking out a threatening force, the Saviors.

There were uncomfortable, hesitant murmurs amongst the crowd, though most accepting Rick’s word that it was an us or them situation, that this group was a definite threat to their way of life and they couldn’t risk them attacking first. Morgan was the only one to openly objectify, not that anyone was surprised. Deep down, somewhere within her, Tess did admire his idea of all life is precious, she just couldn’t understand how he could live in the world the way it was now and still live - and be willing to die - for that mantra.

She herself wasn’t thrilled with the plan of attack, feeling an odd itch at the thought of hunting these people down to kill them in their sleep when they hadn’t been wronged by them. But from everything she had heard it sounded like only a matter of time before they ran into this group. Again, seeing as they were the same people that had attacked Daryl, Sasha and Abraham on the road. They already had a reputation of taking by force, if they knew some of theirs had taken out their own men they’d definitely be coming, looking for vengeance. And all Tess had to do was think about the teen that was brutally killed at Hilltop for them to make an impression and any lingering doubt she may have had over the plan was dusted away. She had too much to lose here, had gained too much to let it be taken away by some tyrannical force on a power trip.

She was glad she wasn’t recruited to be physically a part of it, though. She knew it was cowardly, knew it was hypocritical, but she wanted no hand in it. She would, of course, always do whatever she could where she was needed, but she wasn’t a soldier. She wasn’t built for war plans and battles, didn’t trust herself with that kind of responsibility if she didn’t have to. And not being a part of the planning allowed her to focus her attention elsewhere.

The day before the group was set to leave she had a little pep in her step. The week prior one of the scavenging groups had returned with a box of toys they had come across, including a couple of little sailboats. After plenty of gentle coaxing, she had finally convinced Luke to venture outside the gates with her. She was going to take him down to a nearby stream so they could race them. It was going to be his first time out since the attack and night the horde got inside a few months ago.

She bent down to double check that his shoes were tied tightly, adjusting the small hunting knife that Daryl had found for him at his hip. “Alright, you ready big guy?”

He looked unsure, but nodded meekly regardless. She stood up from her crouched position and grabbed her pack, slinging it over her shoulder as she opened their bedroom door. She immediately stepped back as something landed at her feet, bending over to see that someone had placed a Beach Boys record at her door. She smiled as she picked it up, seeing that it was their classic Pet Sounds album.

She turned to Luke, holding it triumphantly. “You are gonna love this one!”

His eyes lit up a little.

Listen?

Tess had to school her features as her heart gave a little lurch. She knew he was trying to use it as a distraction to postpone going out, and she was tempted to give in, to stay the course of giving him time and letting him get there on his own, but she couldn’t. She had begun worrying about his fear and she couldn't help but draw the parallels to Sam. She had spent more than one night whispering her own fears to Daryl while they sat on the porch, thinking that if she didn’t start pushing him out of his comfort zone and getting him reacquainted with that part of life again and soon, then a time would come where he was unprepared and it ended badly. So with a comforting smile she placed the album on the dresser and ran a hand through his curls.

“Not right now bud, we’re gonna go have some fun at the stream, and Carol’s making that stew you like so much that we can have when we get back. But we can listen to it after dinner,” she paused to lean down to his level, whispering in a conspiratorial manner. “Maybe if you give ‘em the puppy dog eyes, we can convince Daryl to join us, hm?”

That got his attention, face lighting up in a more genuine way and nodding alone enthusiastically.

“Ok then, let’s go.” she held her hand out, him grabbing it securely as they made their way out of the house. They walked through the streets, many people knowing of her plan for the day and passing on encouraging nods to Luke as they walked by. The guy on gate duty let them out, Sasha sending down a wave from her place on lookout.

Tess silently thanked the universe for there being no dead stuck on any of the spikes that had been placed in front of the gates, hoping to ease Luke back into the wild as opposed to being faced with it first thing. She chatted idling to him as they made their way into the woods, strolling along leisurely as they enjoyed the peacefulness of the day. They came upon the giant, fallen tree trunk that signaled they were close to their destination. She helped him climb over before getting herself over, already beginning to hear the faint sounds of flowing water.

As they were about to turn the bend that would bring the stream into view, they came across a lone walker that had gotten itself stuck in the mud, the sight instantly halting Luke in his tracks.

Tess gave the walker a quick once over, seeing that it wasn’t getting away on its own and bent down next to Luke, speaking softly to him. “It’s ok, it’s only one and it’s stuck, see? It can’t hurt you,” she made to stand but he gave a harsh tug to her hand, pulling her back and frantically shaking his head with growing panic in his eyes. She reached out a hand to his cheek, pulling his focus back onto her. “Hey, it’s ok, I promise. I'm just gonna take care of it real quick and then we can go race those boats.”

He kept trying to pull her back as she stood, to the point she eventually had to gently pry his fingers off of her, placing a kiss on the back of his hands as she instructed him to wait there. She made her way over to the walker, being mindful of her steps so she herself didn’t get stuck in the mud pit. She removed her bowie from its sheet and had raised her arm to put it down when a shuffling sound behind her drew her attention.

She turned in time to see Luke darting off deeper into the woods somewhere, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

“No, Luke, wait!”

She went to turn, feeling her foot slip in the mud at the same time the walker managed to free its own. The thing tumbled towards her, taking her down with it into the mud. She let out a squeal of surprise, getting a hand wrapped into the walker’s ratty hair enough to keep its gnashing teeth away from her skin as she struggled to get her knife hand from under her. When she finally did she drove the blade into the waker’s skull, black blood oozing out as she withdrew the blade and the thing went limp against her arm. She struggled to get the thing pushed off of her, fought to get her foot free once she did and clawed her way out of the mud pit, taking off in the direction Luke had run as fast as she could.

She began calling out his name, having no care for caution or the noise she was making. His hurried footsteps had left a clear path for her to follow, her eyes moving frantically around as she tried to locate him. Until she came upon another walker. One stuck between the trunks of two closely growing trees. A walker that was actively reaching for something that she couldn’t see until she got just a little closer.

Luke, mouth opened wide in a silent scream.

“No!”

Suddenly she was beside the thing, wrapping a death grip around its throat and slamming its head against the tree once, twice, three times until it practically exploded in her hands like a sledgehammer to a watermelon. She was panting with the exertion - and from the run - when she collapsed next to Luke’s body and started scanning him over from head to toe, feeling ok for the moment with the tears streaming down his face if it meant no bites or scratches on him.

And that was when she saw it.

The top of his shoe. Scruffed up with mud and dirt and sobering clear blood drops leaking onto the laces. With widened eyes and lightening speed she reached, pulling up his pant leg to get a better view and was rewarded with the worst thing she could ever possibly see.

A bite. Right there. Undeniable.

She nearly fainted on the spot. Blood running cold, head swimming with the realization. A broken sob left her as she clasped her hands over the wound, as if she could somehow mend it with sheer willpower. This couldn’t be happening. And yet…

It was.

She was spiraling, drowning in fear and grief as his tiny hands reached out for her, for some kind of comfort or reassurance that she couldn’t give.

Until a voice from the past entered her mind. A distant memory of late night talks with Beth in the viewing room of a funeral home. A harrowing tale of how her father had nearly succumbed to a walker bite once . And how his life was saved by Rick’s impromptu amputation.

She gave one quick look to his terrified face, and then began moving.

In a flurry of movement she raced against time to remove her belt, tightly wrapping a tourniquet around his leg right above his knee. Her long sleeve button up and shirt were next to go, leaving her in just her bra as she placed both items next to her in preparation. She reached with trembling hands to the small ax she had recently started carrying and brought it to hover over his shin area before hesitating a moment and then bringing it up higher to just under where her belt was tied off, not wanting to put Luke through the horror of what she was about to do just to find out later she hadn't gone high enough.

She raised the ax high over her head, taking in as big of a breath as her freezing lungs would allow and locked eyes with Luke one more time before letting out a whispered apology.

“I'm sorry.”

His eyes widened at the last second in understanding and before she could second guess anything, she brought the ax down.

The sound of steel meeting his tender flesh and bone was the worst thing she had ever heard.

His little body lurched at the unimaginable pain, fighting against the hold she tried to keep on him as he withered about, small gasps the only sound leaving him.

It took two more swings before he passed out, one more after that to remove the leg entirely.

She had to shut herself down, ignore how he had gone limp and was no longer responding to anything and the fear clawing at her from the inside out as she grabbed her balled up shirt and placed it against the now bleeding stump, following it up by wrapping her button up around that and using the sleeves to tie it in place. She forwent the backpack that had fallen off her shoulders and the discarded ax she had tossed aside after she was finished with it, gathering him up in her arms and stumbling to her feet, his dead weight and her jumbled nerves leaving her uncoordinated. She got her footing and began running as fast as she could back home to Alexandria.

She just had to get him there. Just had to get him back to Denise. She had saved Carl, and he had been shot through the eye. She could help Luke. She had to.

She just had to get him there.

-x-

Daryl slammed the hood of the car he had been working on as Glenn finished up with the RV. They had maneuvered the vehicles they’d be taking tomorrow to the front gate, giving everything a final tune up to prevent any issues the following day.

“That should be it.” Glenn surmised, getting a grunt from Daryl in return as he wiped his hands on a spare rag. Daryl was about to head home to give his bike one last lookover when Sasha suddenly called down to the man working the gate.

“Hey, open that gate!”

The urgent call got Daryl and Glenn’s attention, both men turning to see what had caused the sudden order.

“Hey,” Daryl called up to her, unease beginning to settle in his bones, wondering if perhaps that group they were going after got to them first after all. “S' goin’ on?”

She removed her eye from the scope of her rifle, looking down their way with furrowed brows and a tight expression. “It’s Tess and Luke…something’s wrong.”

That unease turned to ice as he shot a glare at the man taking his sweet time in opening the gate.

“Get that damn thing open, now!” He barked out. He could feel himself start to pace as they waited those agonizing seconds before the inner part of the gate was opened and gave them a clear view of things. Tess, stumbling down the road with a lifeless looking Luke in her arms, blood covering the both of them.

“Oh Jesus, is he…?” Glenn gulped, not even able to finish the sentence.

Daryl wouldn’t have let him even if he could, giving the younger man a shove. “Get Denise, tell ‘er ta get ready!”

Glenn didn’t need to be told twice, taking off to the infirmary as Daryl shoved his way through the outer gate the second it was opened enough. His boots pounded against the pavement, a myriad of thoughts swirling his mind as he made a mad dash to them.

Not him. Please, God, not him. Not like this. Not again.

He met her in the middle of the road, almost crashing into her as she nearly fell over, small, near untraceable relief crossing her face at the thought of finally running into someone. Of having some kind of help. Of being so close to home and where she needed him to be.

“The hell ‘appened?” He demanded, not unkindly as he swiftly took the boy from her arms, gathering him up protectively and turning to make his way back. She managed to keep pace with him, gasping out as she tried to answer him.

“Walker.”

They made it back inside, flying down the streets and up the steps of the infirmary as town folks looked on in horror.

Daryl barged through the door Glenn had left open for them on his way in, seeing Denise already waiting and instructing him to place Luke down on the gurney. He did so as gently as he could, handing over the few things Denise was calling out when he saw Tess was stood frozen in place at the front of the bed, the full shock of everything beginning to hit as she stood there trembling. When he was sure Denise had everything she currently needed, he rushed over to one of the other beds, grabbing the sheet off and bringing it over to wrap around Tess’ shoulders to cover up her exposed flesh, tying the two ends together in a knot around her to hold it in place when it became clear she had no wherewithal to hold it around herself. He had just gotten it secured when he heard the barrage of footsteps rushing in behind them.

Rick emerged first, wide eyes taking in both their forms and the unconscious body Denise was currently working on, dredging up bad memories of his own.

“What happened?”

Tess began shaking her head, somewhat numbly, trying to speak but unable to get the words out, not wanting to actually voice them and make everything realer than it already was. When she let out a frustrated scream Rick drew her in close, hands on her shoulders and guiding her eyes away from Luke to him.

“Hey, hey Tess, talk to me, what happened?”

“Bit…he was bi, bit,” she finally sputtered out. “He, he saw a-a walker, an-an-and he got scared and he ran, and by the time I caught up to h-h-hi-him, he had been bitten by another so I-I-I did, I tried to...” she couldn’t finish, but she didn’t need to. He saw the missing leg as soon as he came in, he understood perfectly what she had tried to do.

“Ok, ok, Daryl, why don’t you take her out of here -”

“No!” She came back to life then, panic surging at the thought of leaving Luke’s side as she began struggling in Rick’s hold. “No no, I can’t leave, I have to stay with him, I have to -”

He cut her off mid rant, hands fighting to contain the ones she was using to push against him. “Hey, hey! Tess!” He brought a hand to her face, using it as leverage to keep her gaze on him when she kept trying to look towards and reach for Luke. “I get it, you know I do, but you’ve already done everything you can do for now, now ya gotta let Denise do her part,” he paused a moment before continuing on when he could see he was getting through to her some. “I promise, if anything happens we'll come and get you immediately.”

She whimpered in protest, but couldn’t find any words to actively fight back, or the strength to. Rick made eye contact with Daryl over her head, giving him a nod as Daryl stepped forward, grabbing her gently by the elbow and leading her past the growing crowd of their family gathered by the door and back outside. He was able to get her down the steps and to the sidewalk when a hand on his arm stopped him. He looked back to see her clouded stare.

“I knew it,” she began in a whisper. “I knew he wasn’t ready, that he didn’t wanna go, and I pushed him anyway because I thought, I thought…” she trailed off, a look of pure devastation taking over. “Oh my God…oh my God, what did I do?”

Her hands went to her face, smearing Luke’s blood everywhere as she began to fold in on herself, knees giving out as Daryl wrapped his arms around her to prevent her from hitting the ground. He went with her as he eased her down. He racked his brain for something to say, coming up empty as he began to feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand. He turned his head to see the gathered people watching across the street, people whispering and pointing like they were observing some zoo display. It caused a small growl to escape him. He knew, rationally, that they were just concerned, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of activity that had happened in the last several minutes. But he hated the gawking. The idea that her current pain and heartache was anything to speculate about.

He murmured a c’mon near her ear, coaxing her back to her feet and wrapping an arm around her shoulders to lead her around the side of the house. He closed the fence door behind them, getting her into a seated position against the side of the house while he walked over to the hose, soaking up the rag in his back pocket before coming back over to her and crouching in front of her. He began wiping the blood off her face with soft swipes, noticing the way her eyes were locked on her blood soaked hands.

“Hey,” he called gently, thumb on her chin to guide her attention up. “Eyes on me.”

She finally obeyed, and a large part of him wished she hadn’t. The devastation that awaited him nearly stole his breath. So much deeper, so much rawer than the lost, helpless look he could picture so clearly from the morning Luke and Beth had been taken in that car. He felt certain he could drown in the depths of despair reflected in her chocolate eyes. He swallowed dryly. “'Atta girl.” He had to focus on the blood he was working to clear away and purposely avoid the heavy gaze she had trained on him. When it was as good as it was going to get for now, she reached up and wrapped a hand around his wrist.

In a painfully small tone, she voiced her biggest fear. “Is he gonna be ok?”

Daryl kinda wished she had asked anything but that.

He wanted to say yes. God, did he want to say yes. Tell her that of course he was going to be ok, assure her this was just an unfortunate roadblock, but one he’d bounce back from regardless. Wanted to say anything and everything he could just to give her a little bit of hope and take away that haunted look in her eyes. But he couldn’t. How could he promise such a thing when he didn’t know? Yes, she had gotten the leg amputated in time, most likely, and Hershel had survived just fine when it happened to him. But Hershel had also been older, stronger. There had been so much blood everywhere, Luke's young body so pale…he just didn’t know. Maybe it was selfish or cowardly, but he couldn’t bring himself to give her false hope when he might just have to stomp it out in the end.

Wordlessly he reached for the hose that he had dragged over with him when he first soaked up his rag, rinsing out the blood and bringing it back to begin wiping away at her hands, his words coming out low. “Ya did ev’rythin’ ya could. Boy’s strong, a fighter…he’s got a chance.”

More tears, hot and wet slipped down her cheeks as she shut her eyes with a shuddering breath. Daryl finished up with her hands, tossing the rag aside and plopping down next to her. She leaned over, head resting on his shoulder and he turned his to rest his chin on top of her head, letting her grab onto his wrist again to bring his hand between her knees, holding it tightly between both of hers.

-x-

Maggie eventually came to them, bringing a sweatshirt for Tess to change into with her. She had slipped into it and then caught a second wind, getting worked up all over again and trying to barge her way into the house where Luke was. It was a bit of a struggle but they managed to get her calmed down again without too much of a fuss. Eventually Tara came around, informing them that it was ok to come inside now.

She walked in on shaky legs with Daryl’s guidance, nearly collapsing again when she spotted Luke’s still form on the bed. Daryl silently thanked whoever’s idea it was to get rid of the bloody sheets before allowing Tess back in.

He eased her down into a chair as Denise gave a rundown of what she had done. She began fumbling her way through when she had to break the news that he was relatively stable, given everything, but that she couldn’t really give a true prognosis until he woke up.

The unspoken ‘if he wakes up’ ringing loudly in the room. She sent everyone else who was still loitering around home while her and Tara retired to their room upstairs to give Tess some privacy and alone time with Luke. Daryl lingered behind, not wanting to leave and feeling relieved when Tess held tight to his hand when he eventually forced his feet to carry him away.

Later on in the night while he was sitting by the window, her voice quietly cut through the air.

“I didn’t save him.”

His head shot up. It was the first words she had spoken, the first sound of any kind she had made in the last few hours they had been sitting vigil.

“Ya did ev’rythin’ ya could’a done.”

“No,” she denied with a headshake. “Not today, before, when I found him,” her hand reached forward to wrap around one of Luke’s as old, unwanted memories began wading to the forefront of her mind. “I had been alone for a while, watched one group get taken out by walkers and another take themselves out. And I was just so, so tired. Tired of runnin’, tired of fightin’...and, and for what? Scratchin’ and clawin’ to make it to the next day just to make it to the next day and do it all over again?” she shook her head aggressively at the thought. “I'm not like that, I don’t have it in me to survive just for the sake of survivin'. I need a reason, a purpose.”

She sniffed, fresh tears leaking down. “I was so close, so ready to just end it all. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there he was. This little boy who had lost everything and was lookin' at me like I held all the answers, like I was the only thing that could keep him afloat. And suddenly, I had a reason. Something to go on for, to fight for,” she looked at him again, eyes imploring him to understand. “I didn’t save him, he saved me. And if that wasn't the case anymore, if that got taken away…”

He got up, brought his chair over to sit by her. “Ya saved each other.”

She stayed silent before her face crumpled. “I killed my mom.” she breathed out.

The words caused him to look over at her, feeling a sense of whiplash at the unexpected topic change as he tried to understand why she suddenly felt the need to divulge this information she had been keeping under lock and key.

She fought to get out the words she had kept hidden inside for so long. “The cabin had gotten overrun and there were just so many of the dead everywhere, I didn’t see a way to get her out. So I,” she had to pause to take in a steadying breath. “I wheeled her in front of the back patio window where she liked to watch the sunset and I, I took one of my grandfather’s hunting rifles and I…I shot her from behind.”

And finally, Daryl understood why she was suddenly telling him all of this, making this confession. She was looking for absolution. She thought what happened to Luke was some kind of cosmic justice for killing her mom.

“ S’a mercy killin’. Ya said yaself she could barely walk, in this world…pretty much a death sentence.”

“Maybe, but I didn’t even try. I just,” she let out a noise of frustration as she brought the heels of her hands up to her eyes. “God, I just hated her so fuckin' much. Maybe I just finally saw a openin’ to be rid of her and used it as an excuse.”

“Nah,” Daryl fired back immediately, not even willing to entertain the thought. “Ya wouldn’t do tha', kill someone jus' for the hell of it.”

“How do you know?”

“Cause I know ya, an' tha' ain’t you,” she dropped her head, not agreeing with him but at least not arguing for him to agree she was a bad person. He chewed his lip some, hand hesitantly reaching out to grasp her free one. “Jus’ so’s ya know, if, if anythin’ were ta happen,” he hated himself for even speaking the words at the small cry that left her, but needing her to hear them regardless. “Ya still have people here, people tha' care ‘bout ya. Ya’d still have somethin’ to fight for and people that’d fight for ya.”

She never spoke anymore after that, but her hand had squeezed his once and refused to let go the remainder of the night.

Chapter Text

Luke began stirring in the middle of the night, color creeping back into his face thanks to the blood transfusion he had been given. He’d only wake for a few minutes at a time and was completely out of it when he did, but at least he was waking up. At least he was breathing. At least he was still alive. For now. Tess fought like hell to hold onto that part when Denise had informed her he still wasn’t out of the woods.

Daryl stuck by her side right up until the crack of dawn when it was time for them to leave, despite Tess’ feeble attempts of insisting he try to get a few hours in. He was reluctant to go, worried about both Luke and Tess respectively for different reasons. And if it hadn’t of been such an important mission, it was one of the rare times he would have elected to bench himself.

But it was important. It involved the continued growth and peace of their home, he had to do his part in protecting that.

When the group returned the following afternoon they were a little worse for wear, but alive and the task had been completed. The Saviors had been wiped out and would no longer be a looming threat over their heads.

Despite being dead on his feet, Daryl’s first stop once they rolled through the gates was the infirmary. He walked in to find Tess near tears again, his heart stopping as he feared the worse until he turned the corner fully and seen Luke sitting up in bed, still looking rough but signing out that he was hungry. He looked up at Daryl’s entry, big smile lighting up his tired face as he waved.

“Hey, little man.”

He ended up dipping out quickly, just enough time to round up some food for all three of them before bringing it back to have a little makeshift picnic. It was simple, and good. A sweet, sweet sense of relief filling the room and Tess spent the remainder of the night thanking all of those gods she didn’t believe in for this miracle of keeping Luke alive.

Then the morning came. And with it, the infection.

It came on suddenly and began spreading quickly due to their lack of antibiotics. Denise came up with the idea of checking out an apothecary she remembered seeing, roping Daryl and Rosita into the trip with her without even giving Tess the opportunity to go herself.

It would be a decision that would set off a tragic chain reaction.

Tess nearly jumped out of her skin when the door to the infirmary flew open, a haggard looking Abraham and Rosita storming through and carrying Eugene’s limp body, the side of his shirt soaked in blood.

Abraham’s booming voice snapped her out of her stupor.

“We need some help here!”

Tess looked to him, eyes wide. “But Denise isn’t back yet, I'm not even sure - “

“Denise is dead.” came Rosita’s hard voice, cutting Tess off.

“...What?” Her eyes went back and forth between the two, silently begging one of them to tell her she had misheard, or that they were just playing a very cruel, very twisted joke on her.

All she got was silence and Abraham’s head shake.

“Just you now.”

They had lost Denise, taken out by the men they thought they had already dispatched of, the Saviors.

If there was a silver lining to be had, it was that Eugene’s gun shot wasn’t a full hit, being more grazed than anything. Tess adjusted the I.V. containing the new antibiotics that they had brought back - a twin set up hooked to Luke as well - and removed her bloody gloves, balling her hands into fists as she tried to conceal the shaking.

“Those antibiotics are gonna save both of their lives,” Rosita murmured out, indicating both boys with a tilt of her head. “That’s what Denise did.”

Tess cried herself to sleep that night, drowning under the weight of guilt and the fear over the idea she may be the only medical help anyone in the community would have now.

She only saw Daryl once the whole time, glimpsing him briefly through the window as he somberly passed by, carrying Denise’s wrapped body to the area they used as a cemetery.

Then, just like the day before, a new morning dawned, bringing with it more unforseen tragedy.

She was walking back to the infirmary, having run home to get Luke some fresh and more comfortable clothes to change into now that he was awake and alert again. The commotion at the front gate drew her attention, changing trajectory and making her way over with a frown when she saw Glenn, Michonne and Rosita getting ready to take off, looking a bit frantic.

“What’s going on?”

Glenn gave her a grave look. “Daryl took off. He's going after them, the guys that killed Denise.”

Tess’ stomach dropped.

“He can’t, he’s gonna get himself killed!”

“I know, that’s why we’re going after him, to stop him,” he went to the driver’s door, stepping in part way before looking back at her expectantly. “You coming?”

She didn’t give it thought, just jumped in the back next to Rosita.

With Rosita’s knowledge and the advantage of the car, it didn’t take them long to catch up to him, exactly where she said he’d be. The woman’s temper came to life when she stepped through the bushes and nearly got an arrow to the face.

“Watch the hell out, asshole.”

“Yeah, I did,” he shot back with a growl, snatching the arrow of her hand and stalking forward with a glare over his shoulder, directed at all of them. “Ya shouldn’t’a come.”

“You shouldn’t have left.” Michonne counted.

The words stopped him, turning slowly to look at all of them, barely contained fury etched on his face. “When I split off from Sasha and Abraham, he was out in the woods, in tha’ burnt out forest with them girls, put a gun to my head!” he exclaimed, referring to Dwight. “Tied me up. Even tried to help him.” he finished off with a scoff, stalking off again.

“So you think it’s your fault?” Glenn called out, taking long strides to cut Daryl off before he could get too far away. 

Daryl looked him dead in the eyes. “Yeah, I know it is. I'm gonna do wha’ I should’a done before.”

“What, for her? She’s gone, man,” Glenn stepped forward, imploring Daryl to just stop and see reason for a minute. “You’re doing this for you.”

“Man, I don’ give’a shit.”

“Daryl…” Glenn ran to catch up again, the other three following suit to effectively sandwich him in between them all. “We need to get back there and figure it out from home, our home. We need you, and everyone back there needs us right now,” his voice shook then, fully pleading now. “It’s, it’s gonna go wrong out here.”

Tess silently agreed. They already had the guarantee that the Saviors would be coming, soon, to avenge their people. Being out in the open like this, actively looking for them? It was a death wish.

“We’ll square it,” Michonne stated, voice laced with solemn promise. “I will, I promise you. Just come back.”

He considered it, they could see that he did. But Tess could also see the second his wall went back up.

He shook his head, almost regretfully. “I can’,” he turned to leave, Glenn not giving up and desperately calling out his name again, Daryl frustratedly snapping again as he whirled around. “Man I can’!”

Tess felt the shift in energy from Rosita beside her before she even opened her mouth.

“I can’t either.”

She watched her walk off to join him, concern and a nasty pit in her stomach making her nearly dizzy as she finally found her voice.

“Wait,” she called out, talking to both of them but speaking directly to the pair of angel wings walking away from her. “Please, don’t.”

To her great surprise, he actually did stop, even when Rosita initially kept moving. He watched her with a blank face for a moment, and then, behind a curtain of hair, she witnessed the storm begin to brew in his eyes.

She nearly shrank back when he began taking slow steps her way, quiet but heavy words being directed towards her. “Ya know, she was out there fer you.”

A gunshot would have stung less, she was sure of it.

“...I know.” was her simple reply, because she did know. How was she going to sit here and debate something she felt so strongly herself?

Daryl may have felt it was his fault, but she felt it was just as much hers. More so, even.

The words felt bitter on his tongue, knowing in this situation it wouldn’t take much at all to sway her opinion and take advantage of it. But he couldn’t see much of anything through the veil of red, and he was willing to pounce on any leverage that might benefit his cause. So, with a faint whisper in the back of his mind telling him to stop, he pushed on and twisted the knife a little more.

“Righ’, so maybe ya owe her a little somethin’ then.”

Tess felt it like a physical blow, the way she wavered and was seconds away from agreeing, joining him and Rosita on this guaranteed failure of a plan. Fortunately for her, Glenn had much more faith in his convictions and was willing to fight both for them and her.

He grabbed her by the arm when she subconsciously began leaning, ready to take a step forward. “Hey, you have Luke at home. He’s still just barely in the clear and he needs his mom, don’t risk taking that from him,” he watched her eyes tear up with conflict, flicking his eyes over to Daryl and Rosita again. “Even if you find and kill them and make it back alive, it won’t fix anything. It’s not going to erase any guilt or fault you feel you have in any of this. You’ll just start looking for the next thing to fill the hole. We. Are. A. Family, dammit. Use us! You have a void that needs to be filled? Let us do it.”

Tess closed her eyes, one lone tear rolling down her cheek as she took a breath and opened them, once again looking into the stormy depths of Daryl’s eyes, heart feeling heavier and heavier with the decision she had to make.

Luke would always be her top priority. He would always come first. No matter what. Always.

Her chin wobbled lightly as she just barely shook her head. The flash of hurt, maybe something even akin to betrayal within that storm nearly being her undoing.

Instead, she watched him and Rosita walk off into the woods again, nobody bothering to try to stop them anymore.

Glenn wordlessly started leading them back to the car, frustration radiating off of him in waves as Michonne lightly rubbed Tess’ back in an attempt at silent comfort.

They were nearly back to the car when Glenn finally spoke up again, breaking the melancholic silence that had enveloped them.

“The thing is, those men could be back in Alexandria right now.”

“If they are, they’re dead.”

Tess didn’t much pay attention to his and Michonne’s conversation, the idea of anyone raiding their home while she was separated from Luke, again, too much to properly think about. But then Glenn stopped suddenly, looking off into the distance like a lost puppy.

“We just got stuck with each other,” he began reminiscing. “We were lucky. We figured it all out together…it felt like we did. After everything, we did,” he broke off again, going silent momentarily before concluding. “The world’s not what we thought it was. Hilltop, the Saviors, it’s bigger.”

He might have had more to say, but anything else was abruptly cut off by the sinister sound of whistling that rang out. In an instant Glenn brought up his rifle, Michonne pulled out her katana and Tess unsheathed her knife, the only weapon she had on her in their haste to follow after Daryl.

One man stepped from behind a tree, his own gun raised as a new whistle broke out, yet another man unveiling himself. Followed by another and another and another until they seen that they were completely surrounded and sorely outnumbered. Until a blonde man with half his face disfigured with burn scars showed himself.

“Hi.”

Their weapons were quickly confiscated. Their hands were tied behind their backs while they were gagged and a sack was placed over each of their heads before they were led off to some unknown destination. When they reached what the group of Saviors had been using as their temporary base camp, they were roughly shoved to the ground, the three huddled together as they absorbed the totality of how fucked they were.

Tess was on the verge of a panic attack when Glenn’s muffled voiced sounded in alarm beside her. She glanced at him, following his line of sight and spotting Daryl and Rosita trying to sneak their way into the camp. All three of them frantically began shaking their heads, trying to make any noise they could to get them to turn back, but it was an exercise in futility. 

Several of the men, expecting such a rescue attempt, were able to sneak up behind them, holding them at gunpoint with the disfigured man that seemed to be in charge leading the way.

“Hi Daryl.”

Before Daryl could even turn fully, the man fired his gun, blood spraying as Daryl dropped to the ground.

Tess let out an anguished scream that was mostly blocked by the rag in her mouth.

“Don’t worry, you’ll live…probably.”

Chapter Text

Tess wasn’t sure how long they had been locked away inside the van, it feeling both like minutes and an eternity. They were loaded up not long after Dwight shot Daryl, shrouded in darkness as they were driven to yet another unknown location. Shortly after the van came to a halt and stayed that way, a flood of light seeping through the cracks and multiple bullet holes decorating the van’s doors and giving Tess just enough of a glow for her to see how rough Daryl was currently looking.

He was huddled in a corner across from her, slouched down with a thin blanket wrapped around his shoulders. She couldn’t see clear enough to determine just how much blood he had lost, but knew it had to have been significant for him to look so poorly. She began unbuttoning her flannel as she scooted over to his side, removing it and balling it up against his wound. 

He gave a small grunt at the new pressure, doing his best to swat her hands away when a new kind of shame rolled his stomach at seeing her trying to tend to him after the words he spat at her, purposely, in a play to get his way. His voice was all tough gravel when he finally pushed it out. “Quit it, s' fine.”

“Hush.” came her own short reply, harder than she actually meant but nerves practically non existent at this point. She just needed something to do, a task to occupy her hands so her mind could stop obsessing with the thought that they were being marched to some kind of firing line to pay for their sins. To bury the almost certain fact that she was never going to see Luke again, and how she hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye before she went running off with the others.

The grief would absolutely crush her if she thought about it.

They heard activity suddenly come alive outside the van, seconds before that eerie whistling sounded, sending a cold chill down the backs of Glenn, Michonne and Tess. Muffled voices, then yelling. The tension became so thick it was like the air had been sucked out of the van all together.

Then, finally, the door opened, blinding them all in a flood of light as Dwight once again revealing himself as he gave them all a weighted look.

“Come on, you got people to meet.”

Several men stepped forward, dragging them all one by one out and manhandling them to their knees on the ground, where they were finally able to see what was waiting them.

Tess couldn't have been prepared for the sight.

A giant circle encasing a clearing, made up of various vehicles that all had their headlights shinning. And within that circle, another half circle was forming, consisting of a large number of their group who were also currently on their knees at gunpoint.

Her head spun with all the questions her brain was rapid firing at her, like how they all came to be here, what was going on back home if they were and, most importantly, what on earth had happened to Maggie? She was pale as a ghost, looking half dead as her figure lay slumped between a solemn Abraham and terrified looking Rick.

Seeing Rick look that scared made her own fear ratchet up a few notches.

Glenn called out for Maggie when he saw the state of her, instantly trying to get to her but making no progress before he was hauled back and tossed to the ground again on Tess’ left.

“Alright,” a new face declared jollily. “We got a full boat, let’s meet the man.”

He walked over to the RV - their RV - and knocked on the door, stepping aside when it opened up and a figure emerged, taking slow steps down the stairs to reveal himself in the light. A tall, dark haired man clad in leather and casually carrying a barb wired wrapped bat over his shoulder. A slow, predatory smile splitting his face.

Tess felt herself shudder, getting the sinking feeling that they had just met the Boogeyman in human form.

“Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we’re getting close.”

He sauntered closer to them, face micro slipping between amused and enraged, a clear indication that despite the ‘friendly’ mask he was working to maintain, being face to face with the people responsible for so much of his recent troubles was making it difficult.

He asked to know which of them was the leader, being pointed to Rick’s form. He went on a little spiel about how it wasn’t cool, the fact that they had killed his people and then killed more when he sent them to strike back for the original deaths. Lamented more that they would be making things right tonight, evening the odds, so to speak.

“You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.”

A wolfish smile appeared then as he explained the new world order, that they now worked for him and anything they had belonged to him. It slipped into something more sinister again when he broke the news that they absolutely would not skate by without punishment, that of which being he would beat the holy hell out of one of them as a reminder. To keep them in line from here on out.

Tess watched on, terrified but nearly mesmerized by the showmanship he took care to display as he continued on with his speech, giving them all an up close and personal introduction to his bat that - for some reason - was dubbed Lucille. He looked calmly, frighteningly out of his mind as he spoke softly, fondly, reverently of the object.

He began walking down the line, looking them over as he considered who his target would be, watching with great interest as Abraham met him head on, rising in height as best he could to show no fear. He teased Carl about lightening up, then turned his sick glee to Maggie as he  proposed he just put her out of her misery already.

The threat caused a reaction out of Glenn, him trying desperately to fight his way to her again only to be tackled, hits and kicks landing all over him as they all struggled to remain in their places and not help. Tess placed a shaky hand on his shoulder when he was tossed back next to her, trying to offer some sense of comfort.

Negan continued on with his charade, the mask only dropping momentarily when Rick snapped out at him, but he quickly got it back under control, declaring he couldn’t decide and there was only one way to settle it.

He began walking down the line again as he calmly sang out the words to eenie, meenie, miney, mo, pointing his bat to each of them as he passed and leaving the decision to chance.

Tess could feel herself flinch everytime he was in front of her, not physically able to camouflage it even if she wanted to. It felt like forever with him softly crooning the children’s rhyme, tainted it with a sadistic kind of duality when he finally came to an end, Lucille locking in on her victim.

Abraham.

The whole group watched with stunned, bated breath as Negan stepped up to Abraham, who refused to showcase any kind of emotion other than indifferent impatience, and began adjusting his grip while he gave them one last warning.

“You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you’re all gonna be doing that.”

And then he began.

One horrifyingly quick flash of movement later and he brought the bat down with a sickening crunch upon Abraham’s head, rivulets of blood instantly cascading down his face. Even with knowing it was coming, Tess still jumped in place, the brutality still getting to her as screams and cries erupted all around her. She watched on in horror, some sort of morbid curiosity making her unable to turn away. Even as Negan mocked him, like he was truly enjoying, truly having fun. Even as Abraham, swaying in place, gave everything he had left to give Negan a parting ‘fuck you’. Even as his skull was completely obliterated and there was nothing left for Negan to swing upon, her eyes were stuck glued to the grisly scene.

He boasted when he was done, claiming that Abraham was practically a hero, the way he went out for them, and how his memory and sacrifice deserved to be celebrated.

He zeroed in on Rosita when he clocked her heartbroken reaction, easily deducing that she must had had some kind of feelings for the man that was. He poked and prodded and needled at the girl, Tess feeling sick over the exchange and heart aching for her when Daryl lashed out himself.

Tess watched wide eyed but frozen in place as he sprang up beside her, punch flying and landing with efficient accuracy upon Negan’s jaw before he was taken down the same way Glenn had been. Her hands came flying up and hung helplessly in the air, knowing there was no real way to help and hating every second of it as she heard the pained grunts escape him as Dwight leveled his own crossbow at his head, practically begging Negan to let him take care of him.

He began chuckling, clearly trying to rein in his self control again. “Ohh no. That? Oh, my! That, is a no no. That whole thing, not one bit of that shit flies here. “

He grabbed a fistful of Daryl’s hair, lifting his head his way in consideration before calling Dwight off. “No, no you don’t kill that,” he said aid, indicating the fight he clearly saw within Daryl. “Not until you try a little first,” he signaled for his men to pull Daryl back to his place in the line up, standing back to his full height and getting back to business. “And anyways, that’s not how it works. Now I already told you people, first one’s free, then…what’d I say?” he turned back to them, quizzing them. “I said I would shut that shit down, no exceptions! Now, I don’t know what kind of lying assholes you’ve been dealing with, but I'm a man of my word. First impressions are important. I need you to know, so,” he looked to them, then gave his bat one last look of consideration. “Back to it!”

The bat went up, then came sailing back down.

Tess just made out the motion from the corner of her eye as she was distracted by trying to check over Daryl. She let out a stuttered, strangled gasp at the movement, seeing the thing coming straight for her as she was left without any time to brace for the impact. She stood there on her knees, instinctively flinching back as she awaited the blooming pain to envelope her. 

Except, she never did.

The swing she was so certain was coming for her instead landed on Glenn, his body barely collapsing forward before Negan brought down a second strike upon him.

Tess’ hands flew up to cover her mouth, unable to properly process things as he rose jerkily, lifting his head to reveal his eye had popped right out of its socket and was hanging there as he gurgled out Maggie’s name, vowing to find her.

Negan’s voice came in muted static, buzzing in Tess’ ear as her heart shattered at the display of love, mirrored only by Maggie’s palpable despair. The bat raised again, but where she had been unable to look away from Abraham, she couldn’t bare to watch it happen to Glenn, turning her head and locking her gaze straight ahead just as the next blow landed. She could hear the anguish of her family and friends surrounding her and felt the warm, wet blood being wrung from Glenn splattering against the side of her face and neck. It all mixed in with the sound of wood on flesh and muscle and tissue and bone until it all blended together and crescendoing into a high pitched ringing in her ears.

Eventually the ringing transitioned into a buzzing. When the buzzing became a low hum, she couldn’t stop herself from glancing over again, just enough to see his hand twitching on the side of where his head used to be. And, despite knowing he was dead, that there was nothing left of him to be alive, all she could think in that one moment was a loud, resounding:

He’s in pain.

The thought was overwhelming and she lurched forward, barely catching herself on her hands as bile spewed from her mouth, dry heaving as she fought to catch her breath.

She froze completely when she felt the sharp points of barb wire biting into the skin on her forehead. She followed the motion as just enough pressure was applied to push her back into a kneeling position, daring to look the monster in the eye when she was given no choice in the matter.

“Sorry, doll,” he spoke softly, faux concern lacing his voice. “I’m afraid audience participation is a requirement here.”

She dropped her eyes, shrinking back as much as she could from him and his bat while staying in the position demanded of her.

She zoned out for whatever he had to say next, barely took notice when he dragged Rick off into the RV, the both of them driving off into the mist while the rest of them were left there under guard in a total state of devastation. She was disassociating, she knew, feeling her body shut down and her mind begin to go blank. She had just enough left in her to feel the slight tickle on her pinky, shaking off whatever bug had started crawling on her. But then she felt it again, a more persistent pressure wrapping around the digit, and she realized with heartbreaking clarity what it was. Or who.

Daryl.

He was reaching out, using the cover of darkness to offer her some form of private comfort. Perhaps even seeking some himself. She dipped her head, hot tears silently running down her face as she bit her lip raw to keep her noises to a minimum as she hooked her pinky around his, the only real lifeline either of them had.

There was nothing else to do now, but wait.

-x-

When they returned, Negan came with one last trick up his sleeve, the ace that would ensure he had Rick under his thumb right where he wanted him. He brought Carl over to kneel by Rick, instructing Rick to chop off his son’s arm.

Tess nearly loss control of her stomach again at the order. Besides the obvious horror of this kid being forced to lose his arm to appease a tyrant, she couldn’t stand seeing Rick be forced into such an act. She knew all too well the trauma of being forced to cause harm and pain to your child, the memory still much too fresh. She at least had the comfort of doing it to try to save Luke’s life though. To have to do it as a power play?

She didn’t envy him.

Carl, braver than probably the majority of them simply took his fate with open arms, resigned that there was no other way and urged his dad to just get it over with already. Tess screwed her eyes shut as Rick screamed and wailed in denial, finally bringing his hatchet up to complete the job when Negan stopped him at the last second, getting in Rick’s face and demanding Rick’s full submission, something the father did as he blubbered and whimpered.

The mighty Rick Grimes had finally been broken.

What chance did any of them have?

It was almost over though, Tess began chanting in her head. The Saviors were packing up their things, preparing to leave them to lick their wounds and get to work supplying for them. They were almost in the clear, they just had to hold on a little bit more.

10 more seconds. Just 10 more seconds.

Then Negan ordered his men to load Daryl into the van.

She was struck dumb by the order at first, brain not able to comput just what he was saying or its implications. Then several men stepped forward, wrangling Daryl up. 

Up and away from her.

With a gasp her hands flew out, frantically trying to find purchase on any part of him, anything to keep him by her side but failed miserably. She was grabbed from behind, harshly pushed to the ground. She looked to the van just in time to see a wild eyed Daryl, resembling a scared, trapped wild animal far more than the man she had grown to know and care for be thrown in before the doors were slammed in his face, effectively cutting him off from the rest of them.

“No...” she whispered out brokenly.

And just like that, he too, was gone.

-x-

They headed back home, down two more people. After they were able to talk Maggie out of going after the Saviors she was sent to finish the journey to Hilltop for medical aid for her and the baby, Sasha volunteering to escort her there. They wrapped the bodies of Glenn and Abraham, loading them into the pick up truck the two women would be taking before seeing them off.

They were mere shells of themselves by the time they arrived home, no words exchanged between anyone as they exited the vehicle one by one, everyone drifting off aimlessly to their own final destination. Tess was the last to step off, looking around lost before she started drifting towards the infirmary.

“Tess?”

She turned her head minutely, staring blankly at Aaron’s concerned face.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to…have to go see Luke.”

He nodded in understanding, though concern shown through as he rested a hand on her arm. “Ok, but uh, maybe you should,” he struggled to find the appropriate words, trying to keep his voice gentle even as he had to clear it of the lump still left there. “Maybe you should go home, wash up a little first.”

She looked down at herself, feeling the dried blood on her crack and flake at the movement before she nodded numbly, changing direction and walking home on legs she couldn’t even feel.

She walked in, enveloped by the house’s unnaturally quiet state as she made her way to the upstairs bathroom on autopilot. She avoided the mirror when she got there, pulling back the curtain to the shower and turning the water as hot as it would go as she removed her clothing with deft fingers before stepping under the spray, not even feeling the too hot temperature. She stared straight ahead, locked onto a small crack on one of the tiles. If it wasn’t catered to soon it would only get bigger, fracturing off until little spider cracks formed over the whole thing.

Much like her heart currently felt.

For all his showmanship, Negan and his group were spot on with how they saw them; a small group of sorry suckers who had no idea just how big their world was, feeling safe and secure in their little pocket kingdom they had built for themselves. But with only a few swings that kingdom had been easily toppled. 

They had been cocky, arrogant in their belief that they could end a tyrant’s reign with one sneak attack. But the history books would go on to show that Sampson, they were not. They hadn't been able to bring the columns down. Couldn't break a single one.

Things were good. They had been. They had finally found their footing after fighting and struggling for so long, and things were good. And then Negan happened. He came barrelling down their road in their blind spot and rammed them straight into the ditch.

She sunk to the bottom of the tub, curled in on herself as the now cold water continued to pelt against her skin, washing away the visual evidence of the night while still feeling like it would never be gone. That it could never be scrubbed clean.

It would have scared her under normal circumstances, they way she couldn’t feel anything. The breath she felt like she couldn’t catch hours before seemed obsolete now, as if it wasn’t needed at all. The way the cold - that had nothing to do with the water’s temperature - seeped into every crack and crevice and left her with an allover hollow chill that she surmised could only be the result of her heart stopping, no longer pumping the precious blood her body needed to survive throughout her system.

She stayed there, unmoving until she was one giant prune and the water pressure began to wane. After gathering some clean clothes and redressing she finally made her way to the infirmary, reliving Olivia of the babysitting duties she had taken upon herself when Tess has left with a blank stare and nothing more. She resumed her spot by Luke’s bedside, questioning if it was safe to touch him without tainting him with the night’s events.

She was alone with herself for roughly twenty minutes before he woke up, face lighting up briefly when he saw her before his falling as he took her in.

She had nothing left to try to hide from him.

“Hey bud,” she spoke quietly, as if afraid of some unknown force as she finally grasped onto his hand. “I'm, I'm sorry I was gone so long, that I didn’t let you know I was gonna be away. I, I didn’t mean to do that.”

He watched her face, studying her features in a way she realized, with startling clarity, was so similar to Daryl, little brow furrowing as he brought a hand up.

Wrong?

She nodded lightly, eyes once again filling with tears she shouldn’t have been able to produce at this point. “Yeah, buddy, something’s wrong,” she sniffled, reaching for his hand again and clasping it snugly between both of hers. “Something bad happened last night, something really bad. We um, we accidentally went into Mr. McGregor’s garden, and he, um, he wasn’t too happy about it,” she had to stop, voice cracking at having to use her childhood story and bonding block with Luke as such a macabre metaphor. 

“He hurt some of us, he killed Abraham. And, and…and Glenn,” again her voice cracked, but from the haunting imagery filling her head and the way Luke’s hand had tightened in hers, little face crumbling as he absorbed the news. He looked down into his lap, a myriad of thoughts flashing across his face, all too fast for her to properly place other than the overwhelming sadness.

He finally looked back to her, his own tears leaking now.

Lucky?

She couldn’t take it, face breaking and her head hung, small sob leaving her with no hope of being caught. “Yeah honey, we were. We were so lucky.”

She leaned forward, resting her head next to him. He did his best to try to console her, small hands petting her hair, trying to mimic anything she had ever done to him to bring comfort. She allowed herself the few minutes to fall apart and shatter, eventually crawling into bed next to him - being mindful of his wrapped leg - and gathered him in her arms as tightly as she could without hurting him, trying to ignore the growing wet spot on the front of her shirt from his tears as she wondered morosely if there was any way they could come back from this.

She didn’t think there would be.

Chapter Text

Alexandria was given a week-long reprieve, a time period dedicated to mourning and preparing for their first order pick up from the Saviors. The streets of their home had become eerily quiet, as if even the neighborhood itself was aware of what it had lost and was grieving it all the same as its residents. Tess had spent the majority of that time sequestered away in the infirmary with Luke. She had come across an old pair of crutches that Tobin was able to help resize into a pair that Luke could more easily use. They were far from perfect or ideal, but it was a start and allowed him to improve a little, day by day, with regaining his balance and getting his stamina back up after being bedridden for nearly a week. She’d also been spending any free moments going over their inventory, agonizing over the best way to provide the Saviors with their demanded half without leaving them without anything important they’d need.

When the morning of their deadline arrived she decided to do what she usually did best, stick her head in the sand and try to ignore whatever was happening outside the door. She had just finished wrapping Luke’s leg in fresh bandages when Carl came marching in, anger radiating off of him, a look that could easily kill.

“They’re here.”

Tess nodded wordlessly as a Savior guard stepped in behind him, looking between them both in an expectant manner.

Tess nodded her head towards the other room. “In there, it’s all boxed up.”

Carl walked off with a huff, the Savior on his heels and looking far too amused. Tess gathered up her used supplies and dumped them in the trash, going to wash her hands when she heard Carl’s raised voice. She had just turned, on her way to check on him when the gunshot went off.

She jumped in place before quickly dashing to the back room, hand on reflex going to grab her knife that she was no longer in possession of. She skidded around the corner and was met with the sight of Carl holding the guard at gunpoint.

“Put some back, or the next one goes in you.” he all but snarled at the man before him.

Tess felt her breath go.

“Carl…”

But the Savior was more than happy, and more than entertained by the stand, chuckling as he mockingly raised his hands in the air. “Kid, what do you think is gonna happen next?”

“You die.”

Tess tried to inch her way towards him but was blocked by a second Savior she hadn’t even seen enter, him literally putting a hand on her to prevent her from moving just as Rick came rushing in, addressing his son with a raised hand like he was in the midst of a hostage negotiation. 

“Carl, Carl put it down.”

To Tess’ ears, the nerves lacing his voice were a perfect match to the wavering beat of her heart. Especially when Negan came sauntering in, amused grin spreading as Carl’s defiance kicked up a notch.

“No, he’s taking all of our medicine. They said only half our stuff.”

Negan stepped forward around Carl then, laughing lightly as if things suddenly made sense. “Of course, oh ho ho. Really, kid?”

“And you should go,” the teen continued, unphased. “Before you find out how dangerous we all are.”

Tess managed to catch Rick’s eye long enough to share a panicked stare, not knowing what on earth to do when Rick himself looked so completely lost.

Negan leaned back, dipping at the waist like he had been pushed as he looked at Carl almost appreciatively, but looking more and more annoyed by the second. “Well pardon me young man. Excuse the shit out of my goddamn French, but…did you just threaten me?” he questioned, tone laced with warning. “Look, I get threatening Davey here, but I can’t have it. Not him, not me, not -”

“Carl, just put it down.” Rick tried again, immediately being cut off by Negan with a raised hand to silence him.

“Don’t be rude, Rick, we are having a conversation here. Now, boy, where were we? Oh yeah! You’re giant, man sized balls. No threatening us. Listen, I like you, so I don’t wanna go hard proving a point here, you don’t want that. I said half your shit and half, is what I say it is. I'm serious, do you want to prove how serious?” He tilted his head for added emphasis. “Again?”

Tess could see the defiance still there on the surface in Carl, the boy standing ten toes down on his beliefs and on the verge of sacrificing his life for it. Except, it had already been proven to them that it wouldn’t be the one causing problems that would be punished. Not directly anyways.

Standing behind the arm of the Savior still, she managed to catch his gaze and slyly brought her hands up to sign.

Please don’t

She tilted her head towards where Luke was in the other room, then to Rick.

Luke. Your dad

His face hardened, clear frustration at the tactic of emotional manipulation, but finally he let out a massive sigh, hand holding the gun slowly lowering before passing it off to Rick who barely had a grip on the handle before Negan turned and grabbed it back with a sigh of his own.

“You know Rick, this whole thing reminds me that you have a lot of guns. There’s all the guns you took from the outpost when you wasted my people with a shit ton of your own guns, and I'm betting there’s even more, which adds up to an absolute ass load of guns. And as this little emotional outburst just made crystal clear, I can’t allow that.”

Rick stood before him, near dead eyes barely making contact before sending a look of such disappointment to Carl that even Tess felt herself shudder some, but it brought that wolfish grin back to Negan’s face.

“They’re all mine now. So, tell me Rick,” he propositioned, stepping fully into Rick’s space. “Where are my guns?”

As the testosterone simmered, Tess took advantage and hurried back to Luke, coming up to the side of his bed and stroking a hand down the side of his face.

“Hey, it’s ok, are you ok?”

He nodded softly, hands coming up then dropping as he caught sight of something over her shoulder.

“Well well well, and just who is this?”

His voice ringing out caused her spine to go so rigid it actually hurt.

She turned slowly, Negan swaying in with his two goons following behind, Rick trailing but Carl nowhere to be found now. He looked at both their faces, Luke wide eyed and unsure while Tess was wide eyed and spooked. He raised his brows in anticipation of one of them answering, smirk growing at the way Tess had positioned herself in a way to block most of his view of Luke. Rick stepped forward, supplying the answer that was being waited upon. 

“This is Luke.”

If Tess hadn't been so focused on and worried about the man in front of her, Rick certainly would have been the victim of her ire.

“Luke, well what an absolute pleasure it is to me you,” he gave a cursory glance over Luke’s body, zeroing in on the bandaged remains of his leg. “Goddamn kid, you’re a bit of a mess aren’t you? Shit. Just what kind of trouble did you go and get yourself into?”

He took two steps forward, hand reaching up to do…something, but he never got the chance. As soon as Tess registered that he was going to lay a finger on him in any way her face went hard, hand shooting out and locking around Negan’s wrist in an iron tight grip, breath coming out slow and harsh.

A silence settled over the room, his men coming to attention and Rick moving to step forward but was once again halted by Negan, this time with a raise of his bat in his direction.

“Problem, sweetheart?”

Rick sent her a look of warning, of pleading that she fully ignored as she fought to keep the snarl off her face and fight out of her limbs.

“Don’t. Touch. Him.”

Negan studied her, face set in stone as he considered her, measured her before he broke out into that look of pure entertainment that she was more than ready to slap off his face by now.

Rick tried again, desperately trying to keep his hooks in the role of pacifier. Something his people were making increasingly hard to do. “That’s her son, had quite a scare recently, she’s just protective."

“Well goddamn Mama Bear, no need to go flexing your claws, I can see them just fine.”

She slowly released his wrist, finally looking up at him and not moving, something close to a challenge in her own eyes now. Something Negan observed with a tick of a brow.

“Something you need to get off your chest, Mama Bear?”

What a loaded question.

There was indeed. So many words fighting for the lead position of having the honor of being spewed from her mouth first.

“Tess…” Rick all but begged quietly, once again being leveled with an annoyed look from Negan.

“Oh c’mon now, Rick. It’s not healthy to hold things in. If the lady has something to say, let her,” he brought his focus back to Tess, his own silent warning loud and unmistakable. “Well, doll? Anything you need to get off your chest?”

She had to drop her eyes, finally breaking the stare off as an all too familiar numbness began seeping into her limbs. She took a steadying breath, missing the delight on his face when she stepped back in submission.

“No, just, just don't touch him.” she asked softly, nestled somewhere between a plea and a warning.

He studied her a moment longer, intrigue ever present before he finally turned back to Luke, mock bow at the ready.

“Luke, it was an absolute pleasure to meet you,” he turned towards Rick, patiently handing out his opinion as if anybody wanted it. “You know I'm not one to judge Rick, but if I were you I might want to have a little chat with my people about manners and respect. Just a little food for thought, you wouldn't want them mouthing off to the wrong person,” he advised, threat more than evident. “Now, what do you say we go and collect my guns?”

Rick nodded minutely, sending one last look to Tess that could rival the one of disappointment he had leveled Carl with.

This time she did shrink a bit, settling back into the chair by Luke and grabbing onto one of his hands as he did his best to scoot closer to her.

The men began filing out of the place, but not before Negan stopped in the door, one last parting message on his tongue.

“Oh, and Mama Bear?” he waited until she looked up, that same smug, faux sincerity awaiting her. “I do hope your stomach is feeling better today.”

Fortunately for her he waltzed out laughing before her face screwed up in a glare, anger and shame hitting her in equal measures. She looked back when Luke squeezed her hand tightly, face troubled as he looked on where Negan had been. It was enough of a look to tell her that he had already deduced just who it was he was in the presence of before she could offer any answers.

Him?

She nodded forlornly. “Yeah, bud. That was him. That was Mr. McGregor.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Negan led them to his own personal quarters next. The room was decorated grandly, regally. It was as fit for a king as you could get in this world, Tess imagined, and beyond out of place compared to everything else they had seen. Except maybe the wives’ den. She had to suppress the chill she got at actually being within the beast’s private lair.

Negan was rambling on again, bragging about his awesome way of life when curiosity got the better of Carl and he asked about the other women. Tess was getting a headache at how hard she was trying not to roll her eyes at all of his demeaning and objectifying comments about the girls, unable to tell where the line was as far as what was for show and what was actually his thoughts.

“Sit,” he eventually ordered, pointing them to the small sofa across from where he took a seat. “Let’s get started.”

“Started on what?” 

“I wanna get to know you a little better Carl,” he didn’t make any mention of her, but he did send her a quick look. Something that would have had her guard going up, if it had ever come down any time in the past hour.

Carl questioned why and Tess listen intently, wearily as that same delighted fascination made itself known again as he talked the boy up. Distributed subtle flattery as he told him how special he was, how he’d expect most kids his age to be moping around complaining about missing prom but here he was, taking action and hunting his men down just to get to him. If Tess didn’t know better, she’d swear she was watching Darth Vader try to entice Luke Skywalker to the dark side. It was beginning to feel like he was seconds away from spouting some bullshit about how side by side they could take over the world.

But he threw a wrench in her line of thinking when his face dropped, voice going more serious.

“And I know you’re smart enough to know that I'ma not gonna let this slide.”

Tess’ eyes snapped to his, subconsciously leaning forward in preparation to do…something, if needed.

He let them both sit in the building tension, finally breaking out into a chuckle. “Ah, I can’t, I can’t do it. It’s like talking to a birthday present. You gotta take that crap off your face. I wanna see what grandma got me!”

Her stomach began knotting all over again as she glanced towards Carl to see the frozen look on his face. Much as he tried to hide it, it wasn’t much of a secret to most of them how self conscious he had become over the injury. It was personal, not something he should be made to showcase for the amusement of a mad man.

“No.” Came his soft reply as his fists clenched at his sides.

“Two men!” Was Negan’s counter, forgoing the show mask momentarily to let a hint of his true ire show. “Two men. Punishment. Do you really want to piss me off?”

He was doing an admirable job of hiding it, but Tess could feel the slight sake takeover his limbs, sitting so close to him the way she was. Like so many of the other moments spent in Negan’s presence, the worst part was watching the people she cared about suffer and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

Though that wasn’t quite true this time. She couldn’t prevent it, no, but she could try to make him feel not so alone, not so singled out.

She angled herself towards him, placing a hand on his back, nearly whispering as she spoke gently to him. “Hey, hey look at me,” she waited until he built up the courage to turn his eye from Negan. “It’s ok. You have nothin' to be ashamed of, we’ve all got ‘em.” And with that she took a small, shaky breath and stood, turning her back towards him as she slowly rolled her shirt up to expose a large chunk of her own scar decorating her side.

She could feel them both staring, tried to ignore the way her face flamed up at the exposure. Until she caught Negan’s hand moving towards her, dropping her shirt and leveling him with a look of unrestrained warning as she resumed her spot next to Carl.

“Well well Mama Bear, aren’t you just full of surprises. How did you manage to come by something like that?”

She grit her teeth some. “Met two assholes a while back who wanted somethin' of mine.”

Something she wasn’t expecting, was the way his eyes darkened ever so slightly at her words.

“That so? Which was…?”

“Somethin' that didn’t belong to them.”

It was as vague yet as pointed as she could get without flat out saying it. She looked on uncomfortably as he watched her carefully, understanding and maybe a little something more in his look that threw her.

“And what happened to these two assholes?”

She swallowed tightly, but said nothing more. She didn’t need to.

“Good for you.”

She had to break eye contact at that. It had been one thing when Daryl had said that to her, tried to make her feel empowered by her fight for survival. Coming from Negan? After everything he had done to hurt her family? The flash of respect she saw in his eyes made her feel gross. Not to mention the idea of him having any kind of 'no cross line' was confusing as hell.

He brought his gaze back to Carl, looking on expectantly as Tess inched closer to his side, some form of anchor to assure him she was there. With a heavy sigh, he took off his hat and began gingerly unrolling the gauze from around his head. Negan rubbed his hands together in anticipation, truly looking excited about the reveal.

“Get that hair out of your face, let me see,” he waited as Carl lifted a shaky hand to sweep his hair aside, finally revealing the full depth of his wound. “Christ! That is disgusting, no wonder you cover that up.”

Tess huffed as she engulfed Carl’s hand in hers, rubbing a thumb in circles by his knuckles. It was as much for her own benefit as it was for his. She was quickly losing control of her anger and temper as Negan continued his taunting, getting viciously cruel in his mocking. She was seeing red by the time Carl lowered his head in shame, tears that he fought so hard to control slipping down his face.

Luckily for her own well being, Negan finally seemed to catch himself, showcasing just a flicker of regret that actually seemed genuine at Carl’s reaction.

“Damn. Holy hell kid. Look, I just, it’s easy to forget that you’re just a kid. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything, I was just screwing around -”

“Just forget it.” Carl spoke out, Negan not getting a chance to continue as a knock at the door interrupted them. He called out for the person to come in.

“I'm sorry to interrupt sir, but, uh, you left Lucille out by the truck.”

“Seriously? I never do that. I guess a kid firing a machine gun is a little bit of a distraction,” he turned his attention back to Carl, again making Tess’ head spin by the seeming genuine attempt at talking his self esteem back up. “All jokes aside, you look rad as hell, I wouldn’t cover that shit up. It may not be a hit with the ladies, but I swear to you no one is gonna screw with you looking like that. No, sir.” he then turned back to his man. “Fat Joseph, did you carry her all the way up here for me?”

“Yes sir.”

He beckoned the Savior forward, tenderly grabbing the bat from his hands. “Were you gentle? Were you kind? Did you tret her like a lady?”

The man fumbled a touch, before swiftly answering. “Mhm. Yes. Yes, sir.”

“Did you pet her little pussy like a lady?”

Tess nearly choked on air, unable to stop her eyes from shooting to the man.

What the fuck was he on about?

Negan broke out into his signature laugh, wavering off the man’s nerves. “I'm just screwing around man, a baseball bat doesn’t have a pussy,” both men laughed together, one in amusement and the other in awkwardness as Tess and Carl both looked on in befuddlement before he ordered the man out and addressed Carl again. “Now you see? That’s what I'm talking about. Men breaking each other’s balls. This is the shit your dad’s supposed to be teaching you,” he watched Carl, analyzing his reaction before letting out a sigh. “What do you like to do for fun? Do you like music? I want you to sing me a song.”

Carl looked up then, hints of that teenage attitude simmering on the surface again. “What?”

“Yeah. You mowed down two of my men, I want something in return for that. Sing me a song.”

“I, I can’t think of any.”

“Bullshit. What’d your mom use to sing? What’d your dad play in the car?” he stood then, Lucille slowly coming up to level at Carl’s head, causing Tess to pull him into her side more. “Start. Singing.”

Carl stammered, breathing getting heavier as he tried to get the words out, voice faltering as he began the opening notes of You Are My Sunshine. Tess angled her body to face him while Negan began sauntering around the room. She grabbed both of his hands in one of hers as he continued, pulling his head to rest against her shoulder as if she could protect him from any of this, the both of them flinching together when Negan began swinging his bat around wildly.

She felt that flutter in her chest that always signaled a oncoming anxiety attack. She felt so useless, so worthless just sitting by here watching this poor kid being subjected to such cruelty all for the sick pleasure of a tyrant’s mind games. 

What if it was Luke? Would she still by idly if he were in Carl’s shoes?

“Stop,” she faintly heard herself whispering as her own eyes began to well up, yet it somehow caught Negan’s attention anyways. “Stop. Please. Please just stop. It’s enough now…please.”

He lowered his bat to his side, gazing at her unblinkingly. Tess wondered if this was it. If this would be the moment he’d have enough of her interference and she’d finally feel the force of Lucille like she had expected so many times already.

But, turned out, he was still full of surprises.

“Okay,” he relented in all seriousness, holding her shocked gaze when her eyes flew up to him. Naturally though, he still had to put a flourish on things, sending her a smirk she was meant to believe wasn’t just for show. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

He took a seat on the coffee table, surveying Carl with interest. “Did your mother sing that to you? Where is she now?”

Carl’s sniffle was answer enough. Enough that Negan almost looked remorseful. Almost.

“Damn. Dead, huh? You see it happen?”

He nodded his head, voice less than a whisper as he answered. “I shot her… before it could…”

Though not nearly as predatory as usual, Negan’s resulting grin should have told Tess he just found a new opening to exploit.

“Damn, no wonder you’re a little serial killer in the making. I know it’s not the same, different end of the spectrum and all, but I guess that’s just another thing the two of you have in common. Why, you know all about mommy issues, don’t you Mama Bear?”

The thumb that had still been rubbing circles on Carl’s hand seized its movement, her brows furrowing as she slowly brought her eyes back up to Negan’s face, trying like hell to not fall victim to the frigid chill that just ran down her spine.

Wolfish smile back as he looked at her knowingly. Her heartbeat began spiking as she grasped at any sort of logic that might explain just what he was getting at, and how he knew to get there. After what seemed like an eternity in staredown, he slowly let his gaze flicker over to a desk off to the side. Hesitantly, Tess followed his line of sight and landed on a familiar looking camcorder. The same one Deanna had used for all of her interviews.

She drifted back to him, eyes widened a fraction as she tried to recall just what she had said on that thing - what any of them might have said that he could now use as more cannon fodder - and found herself thoroughly freaked that he might have easily guessed her biggest secret based off a few words.

“You didn’t like your mom very much, did you?” He studied her, how uncomfortable and paranoid she suddenly was and decided to throw her a bit of a bone. “Don’t worry, you didn’t accidentally let anything slip. It’s all in the eyes. Something comes across at the mention of her. I’m right, aren’t I? You did not like her very much?”

She swallowed thickly, finally shaking her head. “No.”

“And why’s that?”

“Probably because she didn’t like me very much.”

The bastard actually had the nerve to look excited. “Ohh, family feud, do share the juicy details.”

Tess could feel her chest tightening up, wishing like hell she had cover to run to. “There’s nothin' to share, she didn’t like me, I didn’t like her. End of story.”

“The fact that I can see the prickles rising up on you tells me differently.”

It wasn’t just prickles rising, her temper was also quickly rising again at the feeling of being trapped in a corner and needled about things she hated thinking about, let alone talking about.

“She was resentful my dad took off and left her to raise me.”

“And the plot thickens,” he all but cheered, like he was watching some juicy soap opera. She expected him to continue, pressing about just why they hated each other and maybe even hit her with the dreaded label she had heard so much growing up - daddy issues - but instead he took a different route. One far more impactful. “What’s the worst thing she ever said to you?”

She could only stare at first. “...What?”

“Your mom. I imagine the two of you must have had some heated altercations in the past, so what’s the worst thing she ever said to you?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m curious, and I’m asking.”

“What does it matter?” Tess sputtered out, exasperated.

“Because. I'm. Asking. And since you two seem to be having such a hard time digesting this, let me spell it out clearly, again: two men, dead, his fault. That comes with a price tag, and since it's you him with him and not his father, I'm gonna assume that means you're in charge of him. Ergo, your fault as well. So, pay up.”

She huffed as she shook her head, hand finally leaving Carl’s to cross her arms tightly over her chest. Some pitiful reach to block him out. She bit the inside of her cheek, lips pursing as she tried to school her features into something more related to indifference as she forced out the words that had lived in the dark recesses of her mind on loop. “What kind of chance does a girl have in life when her own fa -” she faltered, it literally feeling like someone had stolen the voice from her as she felt the blockage in her throat. She sat there silently with both of their eyes on her, momentarily stunned by how hard this was hitting her.

She cleared her throat several times, eyes rapidly blinking to fight off the oncoming wave of tears and sorrow. “When her own, father, doesn’t even want her.”

A single tear finally descended at his low whistle, face full of mock sympathy like he wans’t getting off to their pain.

“Goddamn, she was an ice cold bitch, wasn’t she?”

But this time she just stared at him, no longer in the mood to continue his games. Mercifully, he seemed to finally have his fill, for now, as he stood back to his full height and beckoned them on with Lucille. “C’mon, it should be ready by now.”

-x-

The ‘it’ he was talking about turned out to be an iron, the thing heated dangerously to unleash punishment on the (ex) husband of Amber, both for fooling around behind his back and for skirting his responsibility redirecting the horde they had been keeping track of. And, seemingly, it was the same faith that had befallen on Dwight.

He made a big show and spectacle to his people, lamenting that this was something he didn’t want to do, took no pleasure in, but had to because rules are rules and without them or people making sure they were upheld, they’d have nothing.

Tess had to turn her head when the iron made contact with the sobbing man’s face, instantly melding to his skin and sending the smell of burning flesh and fat and muscle and tissue into the air that couldn’t be avoided no matter how you tried to cover your face. Carl even took a step closer to her at the sight, this time his hand reaching for hers.

When the man finally passed out, Negan ordered Daryl over to mop up the mess he had made of himself and led the two of them away, finally declaring it was time for them to go home. Though not before another back and forth with him that Tess was sure knocked another few years off her life span after Carl’s defiance had time to reload, the boy jumping up in Negan’s face and telling him he should jump out a window to save them all the trouble.

They were led back outside by the loading docks, a small convoy of trucks waiting by to take them and some of his men as he informed them that he would playing chaperone, making sure they were delivered back home safe and sound and Tess honestly wasn’t sure how good or bad of a thing that was. Mainly because she had gotten distracted by Dwight emerging outside, dragging Daryl behind him.

She was vaguely aware of Carl climbing into the cab of the truck as she tracked Daryl across the yard, still feeling that hollow ache at seeing him this way. And how he instantly jumped, head down and skittish as Negan had ordered him to clean up Mark’s mess…

It just hurt.

“My my, you sure do have a soft spot for my Daryl, don't you?”

There was a delayed reaction to her processing the words, some small tickle hitting the back of her mind as she slowly turned to look at Negan standing far too close to her side again like they were sharing juicy secrets. Clearly her face was doing something that he found entertaining, grin spreading. “That’s right, I did say my Daryl.”

She couldn’t place it at first, the sudden feeling she was having. It was something familiar that set her alarm bells ringing, going down a small spiral of word association to dig up the answer.

My Daryl. His. Ownership. Property…

Claimed.

She felt the bile rise in her throat, swallowing roughly to keep it down as she turned from him and made her way to get in the truck. 

She was halted instantly by Lucille coming to rest on the door frame in front of her face, Negan stepping past her to hoist himself up next to Carl. He made a show of getting himself settled in before he took an exaggerated look around the cab, coming back to look at her with faux pity and clear amusement. 

“Oh damn, looks like we’re all out of seating room up here, guess you’ll just have to sit on my lap.”

And finally, Tess’ filter lost the battle, her eyes widening and looking at him like the madman that he truly was. “Seriously?”

“Seriously, unless of course that would make you uncomfortable, which is something I would never want to do. But if that’s the case, I can have Dwighty boy show you back inside, get you settled in a room for the time being and then once I get back, maybe we can see about getting you a ride home…eventually.”

She probably should have been ashamed of just how tempted she was to take her chances here. And if it wasn’t for the thought of Luke back home waiting on her or, even more pressing at the moment, Carl’s uneasy face looking at her over Negan’s shoulder, she probably would have.

But she did have Luke waiting, and Rick had left her to watch over Carl. So, with a disgusted sigh that felt like it came from her very soul, she grit her teeth and climbed the steps into the cab.

She did her best with the room she didn’t have to keep as far away from him as possible as she scooted herself in. She went to seat herself on his left knee, thinking - hoping - that she’d be able to move subtly enough that she could get herself more squeezed between him and Carl than actually on his lap. But he easily clocked her intentions, bringing Lucille to rest against his leg and blocking her path.

With an internal sigh, she planted herself on his right knee, arms wrapping around herself, back ramrod straight and gaze focused out the window.

She could actually feel his shit eating grin and leer as he called out the window to Daryl.

She felt herself stiffen even more when he appeared in her peripheral, face going hot and ablaze in embarrassment and shame. As if her having any form of contact with Negan at all, despite it being forced, in front of Daryl no less, somehow made her a traitor.

“Daryl, you seem worried, so I'm taking the kid, and the handler, home.”

“If you do anything to them -”

“Dwight!”

His sudden, booming yell to cut him off had Tess lurching forward, just barely getting a hand up to catch herself against the dash as the other came up to grip at her chest, huffing out a breath of air because she knew he had done it on purpose.

“Daryl needs a time out, put him back in his box for a while.”

Tess released another pained breath, as quietly as she could at the order and let her eyes shut, unable to stand any glimpse of him being dragged away. Again.

The trucks began rolling, pulling out of Sanctuary’s gates as Negan cheerfully began whistling that damn tune of theirs, the Saviors’ calling, right ear her ear as they made their way back to Alexandria.

Once again, the fox would be infiltrating the hen house.

Chapter Text

Naturally, things didn’t get any better upon their arrival back in Alexandria. Rick was still gone and Negan refused to leave without speaking to their dear leader about his misbehaving flock. After an infuriating scene involving a besides herself Olivia, Tess managed to calm the woman down enough to send her off, thanking her for watching over Luke and Judith but insisting she could handle things from there on.

A lie, of course, but believable enough that she finally took off.

Things continued downhill when, demanding a tour of the home that belonged to one Rick Grimes, he discovered both kids napping in one of the upstairs bedrooms. He seemed pleased to see Luke again, but downright tickled to spot little Judy, instantly gathering the girl up in his arms as he cooed sweet words to her with a true softness she would have never imagined him capable of. Much to both her and Carl’s horror.

It brought the helpless feeling back full force, hating the idea of him even in the same vicinity as her, let alone toting her all around. Only difference was this time Carl was right there commiserating with her, having already tried several times to get his sister back in his own arms, only to be swatted away by Negan at every turn.

Things peaked when they were stuck sitting on the porch with him after their forced spaghetti dinner, a spiffed up looking Spencer making his way over and asking if he could interest Negan in a game of pool where they could talk, discuss things.

Tess had no idea what his plan was, only that surely it wouldn’t end well. The feeling was proven when during their game, in front of a growing group of onlookers, Spender declared Rick unfit to lead the community, painting him as the villainous foe who got his family killed and took over his home. He nominated himself as a more suitable leader, one who was actually interested in the benefit of Alexandria and one who would fall in line with Negan’s rule, no resistance.

He got a knife to the gut for his bravado.

Negan, acting offended on Rick’s behalf, spilled his intestines all over their street, marveling as always at his handiwork and poor taste jokes.

The lid really blew off of things when Rosita, still grieving and seeking vengeance, had her fill of his antics, producing a gun she shouldn’t have had and fired off a bullet she definitely shouldn’t have had, aiming for Negan and just missing him when Lucille got in the way.

Enraged would have been a severe understatement to his reaction to the attempt on his life and the damage caused to his beloved bat. He paced about, looking truly unhinged as he ranted and raved about his poor bat in the most genuine display of emotion Tess had seen the man exude yet, which made it all the more terrifying knowing it was over an inanimate object.

One of Negan’s soldiers had Rosita pinned to the ground, tip of her knife digging into her cheek as he ordered the woman to make someone pay for the heinous crime against Lucille, Rosita and the surrounding crowd alike accepting it was her life that would be taken when the woman turned and fired off a shot. 

Tess felt the blood splatter and the bullet whiz by, convinced just like she had been when Negan brought that bat down on Glenn’s head that it had been her that had been chosen. Until Olivia’s body in front of her staggered before falling back into her, causing her to also fall to the floor under the unexpected weight. She looked on in stunned silence, seeing the hole through Olivia’s face and glancing up to see where the bullet had imbedded in the wood next to where her own head had been.

Stupid, dumb luck keeping her alive yet again.

It was then Rick had come stumbling through, half dragging a badly beaten Aaron as he surveyed what was going on with wild eyes. It was just in time for Eugene to confess to being the one behind the homemade bullet, and for Negan to take him into his custody before the Saviors finally took their leave and left the town in a hushed silence once again.

Tess stayed long enough to watch Rick put down Spencer’s walker, allowed Carl to help her up from where she was pinned under Olivia’s dead body and numbly made her way back to where Luke and Judith were currently with Mrs. Neudermyer, wordlessly gathering up her boy and carrying him back to their home.

She stayed curled up with him on the couch until she could get him calmed down enough to fall asleep and then made her way upstairs, needing a moment to herself. She went to her room, flopping down where the foot of her bed would have been before the Saviors confiscated all their beds and buried her face in her knees.

It was where Rick found her.

She looked up at his footsteps, watching him wearily as he took her in. She expected a fight, perhaps. At the very least a stern talking to for allowing his son to be in such danger. Instead he just sank down beside her, position mirroring hers as he brought his elbows to rest on his knees and let out a bone tired sigh.

“Carl told me everything, about what happened, how you tried to stop him and did everything you could to keep him safe.”

“Yeah, well, doesn’t really feel like I accomplished much.”

“He’s home, he’s safe now. Maybe you don’t but I do believe you had somethin' to do with that.”

The corner of her mouth twisted in disagreement, but she didn’t bother debating. There was no point and she was too damn tired.

The silence stretched on, something in the air shifting just before he opened his mouth to speak again.

“I’ve been talkin' to Michonne,” he let the sentence hang, enough that Tess finally looked over at him, seemingly what he was waiting for because it was only then he continued. “We’re gonna fight. We’re gonna fight back, it’s time now. I wasn’t ready before, but I am now.”

She studied him, watched a glimmer of the leader Rick she knew before Negan barged into their lives try to spark alive, even as he seemed to still be talking himself into the idea.

She made the decision nearly instantly, knowing this was one of those times where she’d have to put on her big girl panties and be on the front line of things. Regardless of the risks because at this point, thinking of living in a world any longer where Luke would constantly have to be afraid of moments like these happening regularly just wasn’t acceptable.

“Ok. Whatever you need me to do, I’m in.”

He looked at her, really allowed his gratitude to show at her pledge, knowing well how much she usually fought to not be a part of the active fighting if she didn’t need to be. “We’re goin' to Hilltop. I’m takin' a group and we’re gonna get them to join us, help us. We’re headin' out in about an hour… you comin?”

“Yeah.” she nodded fiercely, feeling more conviction than she had in quite some time.

She thought he was done after that, that he would be on his way to get things ready for their trip, but he stayed seated beside her quietly, lingering.

“You never told him, did you?”

She looked at him, confused. “Told who what?”

“Daryl. That you,” he paused, considering his words. “Care, about him,” he watched her carefully as she stared at him, eyes wide. “You do, don't you?”

Tess nearly felt frozen in place over having that question proposed to her, literally feeling like her entire system was rebooting after blowing a fuse at Rick being able to read her so clearly when she hadn't been able to do so herself.

Because, yeah...

She did care. More than. Regretfully she didn't comprehend just how much until he was so cruelly ripped away from her, both literally and figuratively. And even then, it wasn't until this very moment where Rick asked her point blank that clarity snapped into focus completely. She had tried thinking back on their time, combing through the evidence to pin point the moment things changed, to discover what it was that flipped the switch but found she couldn't. Because it wasn't one thing. It has been a litany of moments and reasons why, all swirled and blended together in a beautiful mosaic. It came on so gradually that she had been blissfully unaware until she suddenly couldn't decipher a time when she hadn't felt it, nestled safely deep within her heart. It had happened slowly, then all at once.

She finally nodded, once, barely, fresh tears dotting her water line. Rick placed a hand on her knee, squeezed once before standing and making his way to leave. He turned back once, imparting on her the words they were all in need of hearing from time to time, even after everything.

“You should. When this is over, when it comes time for after, you should tell him.”

-x-

Their group - consisting of Rick, Michonne, Carl, Tara, Rosita and Tess - made their way to Hilltop. Maggie spotted them from atop of their gates, disappearing before she reappeared to greet them as soon as the gates were open. Tess waited until Rick and everyone else had their moment before enveloping the girl in a tight hug, pulling back just enough to give her a small, watery smile as she smoothed her hair back.

“Are you ok?”

“I am,” Maggie nodded with a sniffle. “We both are.”

Tess felt immediate relief at the news, having been so worried about both Maggie and the baby, but didn’t have much time to bask in the first bit of good news they’ve had. She went back in for another hug, getting sidetracked when she spotted where Rick had hurried off to.

Daryl. He was standing there with Jesus, somehow, giving Rick a nod before his head dropped heavily with emotion and he all but collapsed into Rick’s arms, the two brothers by choice having a moment.

Maggie had looked at her with a small smile then, squeezing her arm in reassurance before making her way over to where the rest of their group were convening. She felt like she floated over to him, watching in a bit of a daze as he and Rick got themselves back together before greeting the rest of them with a hug. She got to him last, not at all picking up on the way the others had taken several steps away.

Mild surprise flickered across his face as he took her in, followed by a myriad of other emotions that she wouldn’t be able to place. She came to a stop a few steps in front of him, her system going into overdrive at seeing him here, alive and safe and out of Negan’s clutches. At least for the time being.

She tried to fight it but failed miserably, face contorting in emotion about a second before she walked into his awaiting arms, wrapping hers snugly around his middle as they enveloped her. She closed her eyes, taking just a moment to revel in the solid, weighted warmth of him and his presence before stepping back before she did anything to make them both uncomfortable. He gave her elbow a small pat before they both tuned back into Rick.

They converged in Gregory’s office, doing their best to reason with the insufferable man but being met with nothing but condescending resistance that had Tess feeling a bit murderous. He was more than happy with just getting by and hiding behind his fancy title and clothes while he watched his people kill themselves to provide for the Saviors. He would be no help.

That was when Jesus made mention of another community he felt was time for them to meet. And their king.

Tess felt like she walked into the middle of a Renaissance fair when they arrived there, men on horseback and speaking like they had just been transported out of some Shakespeare play. Though that turned out to have been child’s play when they were finally introduced to the man himself, King Ezekiel. They had been led into an old auditorium where the man in question sat upon an honest to goodness throne, flanked on either side by armed guards and his loyal pet companion.

Tess had stopped dead in her tracks, eyes widening and feeling like she might have well and truly lost her mind. Finally.

She had leaned over to Tara as Rick and the King talked, speaking under her breath.

“To be clear, you do see that too, right?”

“You mean the giant fucking tiger? Yeah, dude, kinda hard to miss.”

“Right. Just checkin'.”

Tensions began rising slightly when the King made his unsure feelings of entering a battle that wasn’t his known, only amplifying when a surprise returning Morgan began peddling his ‘all life is precious’ belief. Their meeting ended with the King undecided, claiming he needed the night to think on such a important decision and insisting they all stay there til the morning.

The group reluctantly agreed, too desperately in need of The Kingdom’s help and aid to ruffle feathers any. They spent the next little bit being given a tour of the place, a beautiful community with friendly people who just wanted to be left alone to live their lives peacefully. Something the residents thought they were doing, having no idea of the secret deal their leader had with Negan. By the time night had fallen they were shown to their rooms before being led to the communal dining hall and were shown more of the community’s generosity as they were each given a heaping plate of food.

Except Daryl. He had disappeared into the shadows sometime during their tour, never returning. It took her some time, but Tess eventually tracked him down, sitting alone on top a picnic table in one of the courtyards as the majority of the town retired home for the night. She stood back and watched him from a distance for a bit, heart clenching as she observed him slipping back to that frightened, withdrawn little boy she had seen at Sanctuary, hands tightening around the plate of food she had been carrying around as she finally made her way over.

He glanced up at her approach but said nothing, going back to staring into the darkness he was finding so interesting.

“Hey. Missed you at dinner, you should really eat a little somethin'.”

“Nah, ain’t hungry.” he replied in something that could almost be believable.

She studied his profile as he actively avoided her gaze, biting her lip as she took another step closer. “Oh c’mon, I was nominated as the sacrificial lamb that tries to get some food in ya, you’re gonna make me look bad if I go back unsuccessful,” she brought the plate up, waving it invitingly under his nose. “Help a girl out?”

He looked between her and the plate, finally relenting with a sigh and taking it from her hands, pushing food around the plate absently as she took a seat beside him.

They sat in silence, almost comfortable if it wasn’t for the oppressive weight of what they were getting themselves into with this declaration of war on the Saviors.

“How’s Luke?” he eventually asked, quietly.

Tess let out a small sigh, trying to take a breath that only came out in a bigger sigh as she looked for the best way to answer. Because although Luke was ok, he most definitely wasn’t fine. Hadn’t been since this whole mess started.

“He’s here. He’s alive.” And really, that was the best any of them could ask for at the moment. She paused for a moment, considering her next words and swallowing down the lump they formed in her throat. “I’m, uh, I’m glad you’re back, here, safe. It’s, uh, it’s really kinda sucked with you gone.”

She kept her head down, gaze locked on the fascinating piece of loose thread on her shirt sleeve until she eventually felt his elbow knock into her arm, a silent reciprocation of her words.

The two stayed on that picnic table long into the night, never much talking but just being. Something akin to their nights on the porch in Alexandria. Something familiar in a world that had twisted upside down into something ugly in their lives.

-x-

The morning finally came and brought with it Ezekiel’s decision. A resounding no. He offered his vast condolences but simply couldn’t risk his people for someone else’s fight.

Tess could see his point, easily, making the pill all the more bitter to swallow. The only consolation prize to be had was his offered protection for Daryl, giving him a place to stay and lay low off of Negan’s radar. Something the hunter was quick to brush off, ready to go home with his family and prepare.

But Rick stopped him, insisting it was safer for all of them for Negan to think he was out in the wild somewhere and not being hidden by them since obviously that would be the first place they checked. It was a back and forth between the two men, Daryl only accepting defeat when Rick stressed that him being there was a good way for Daryl to get in Ezekiel’s ear, convince him he needed to join the fight. Or stare him into submission. Which Tess had more money placed on.

The group gathered their things up as they began making their goodbyes at the gates. Daryl had stood there watching them all go, looking equal parts irritated and forlorn. Between that look and just the idea of having to part from him again, even if it was only planned to be temporary this time, it was too much to ignore and Tess bumped into Rick as she hastily made her way back over to him, the others watching on with mostly knowing smiles.

She had grabbed his hand without even looking at him and quickly pulled him behind her, directing them behind the corner of a brick building that led into a small alleyway and flung her arms around his neck in one fluid motion, latching on like someone might pull her away if she didn’t. She felt the surprise in his body but it quickly faded as he returned the embrace, cheek resting against the side of her head.

“Ten more seconds,” she murmured in his ear, trying to impart on him some sliver of hope the way her grandfather had to her so many times. “When it feels like too much, like you can’t go any farther, just hold on. Ten seconds at a time.”

She felt him nod against her eventually, finally forcing herself to pull away enough to place a soft kiss on his cheek before, with great reluctance, she unwound herself from him. She felt his grip on her hand until the very last second as she walked away and back to where the others were waiting.

They had a long, winding road ahead of them. One filled with danger and guaranteed loss and more heartache. But they all had each other, and as long as they had that they still had a chance. After all…

No trait is more justified than revenge in the right time and place. 

Her grandfather's voice in her mind was a welcomed, soothing balm.

They just had to hold on.

Ten seconds at a time.