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He felt giddy. High and happy. Sated as well. His blood was warm and still rushing but man he was relaxed. And okay, a little sore but hey! Worth it! So worth it. It would have been a lot better, if they had cuddled afterwards. Because, Stiles loved cuddling. Really, he did. It would have been nice. But there had been no cuddling.
He pulled his shirt over his head, aware of the older and already fully clothed man's gaze on him from where he leaned against one of the loft's pillars. Stiles glanced over at him. Just for mere seconds. But he could tell that Derek really wanted to say something. He had just managed to get his socks on when Derek managed to spit it out.
"Tonight was just a 'one time' thing."
And wow, that felt like a punch in the gut.
"For me it was more than that." he couldn't help the slight bitterness that crept into his words. The way Derek had held him, caressed him, fucked him had felt like something a little more than just a 'one time' thing, but hey, maybe that was just how Stiles saw it. Apparently it was.
"It was a mistake. Nothing more, Stiles."
Okay, yeah, that was an even harder punch.
Stiles pulled on his jacket and rose from the bed, shaking his head while furiously trying to keep the theirs inside. Did Derek even listen to himself? They had been somewhat and sort of flirting now for months. Hell. They had spent the whole summer together researching this stupid alpha pack. Which were out of the way right now, thank you very much. Point was, they had gotten close. Real close.
What happened last night must have been something more than just a mistake. It had too! Stiles needed it to be something more than that. Needed Derek to be something more to him than this.
"I don't believe you. You don't mean that." he was so glad his voice didn't hitch. Derek didn't need to see how much his words were affecting him.
"Then don't believe me, but it's true." Derek informed with a sigh, not meeting Stiles' eyes and face set in a hard expression. "It was a mistake and it will never happen again."
Stiles stared at him, tried to catch his gaze as he felt another blow hit him hard. He almost couldn't breathe.
He didn't know when he had sat down again, but there he was. Seated on the covers on the bed where he just had the greatest night of his fucking life and standing less than five steps away from him stood Derek fucking Hale, telling him how it had been a mistake.
Just really great.
Without another word he stood once more, making his way to the door without another glance in Derek's direction. He left without seeing the tired and regretful look Derek had on his face. Left without hearing the sigh that the older man gave in the same moment Stiles shoved the door closed behind him.
~'~
After that, things were a little bit tense and awkward. At least between Derek and Stiles. And the rest of the pack had started to notice it.
Three weeks had passed and the two of them had barely exchanged five words to one another and kept trying to avoid each other if the situation allowed it. The pack was starting to get fed up with this behavior. Especially Scott. The alpha did so not need this. Not right now. Which happened to inspire the situation he now found himself in.
They had just had a pack meeting and Scott had stayed behind when the other's left. Well, all except Isaac who waited for Scott on the other side of Derek's door. And Cora who had sneaked upstairs.
He looked Derek over, the older werewolf sizing him up with a questioning eyebrow raised.
"What do you want, Scott? If this is about Stiles then just go, I'm handling it."
Scott gave a frustrated snort and crossed his arms over his chest. This was so not 'handling it', this was the furthest from that.
"Really? Because if you hadn't noticed, he smells miserably everytime you're around you know. What the hell did you two argue about that made shit turn this bad? I mean.. Even Cora is starting to wonder and she normally don't care. Unless, you know, someone's dying or whatever. Would it kill you two to be a little bit more friendly to one another? Would it kill you to maybe try to apologize to him for whatever it is you did?"
Derek's eyes darkened and he gave the young alpha a glare that accompanied a sour note in his voice;
"Why do you automatically think I did something to wrong him?"
Scott rolled his eyes and gave a glare as good as he got.
"Because you smell more guilt than you smell miserable! You must have done something to be reeking of guilt, Derek!"
He showed his clenched hands into the pockets of his jeans while waiting for Derek to respond. Because he looked like he wanted to respond to that. And Scott was stone set on receiving an angry denial and the whole speech about how 'his buddy Stiles' should just keep out of werewolf business if he couldn't handle it.
"Everyone around me gets hurt….” was what he got instead. A very soft statement. From a Derek with a vulnerable and sad expression on his face. Which, he really didn't think he had ever witnessed before. It seemed wrong. And the stink of guilt was so much more apparent now, so much more powerful. Scott was almost afraid of asking.
"Derek, what did you do?" he asked, voice soft and almost a whisper even with a werewolf's keen hearing.
The older male's face was staring down at his feet, arms crossed over his chest as he seemed to be fighting with himself. In the end, it seemed as though Derek wasn't going to tell him and Scott gave a frustrated sigh.
"Just fix it." he barked rather harshly as he left the loft.
~'~
Cora waited until she heard Scott's motorcycle take off before returning downstairs. Derek was still in the same spot by the table he had been in when the meeting had ended.
She studied him a little. Her brother had most likely noticed her by now but was probably waiting for her move before he did anything. The look on his face was a mix of that vulnerability she had heard in his voice from his conversation with Scott and that hard expression he nowadays wore around Stiles. It was positively fascinating and horribly heartbreaking at the same time.
"What did you do, Derek?" she asked, in a tone that demanded answers.
She heard his sigh as well as saw him, his shoulders tensing and slumping together.
"I slept with him" he answered simply, without looking at him.
Her stare prompted him to continue as there had to be more to the story than that. She stared and stared, waiting until he cracked with yet another sigh;
"And as everyone around me gets hurt I figured Stiles would be better off being someone not around me so I might have told him it was a mistake. That it didn't mean anything and that it would never happen again. Because it won't. Because I refuse to be the reason he gets hurt."
It sounded stupid. So stupid. Cora was not about to have a brother that sounded as stupid as that. What a moron.
She had moved quickly, the palm of her hand connecting against his cheek in a stinging blow that sounded almost like a whip.
"You idiot! You are the reason he's hurt! And no wonder he's hurt, you fucking asshole. That was most likely his first time! Derek, you.. he was probably a virgin! A virgin that clearly has had the hots for you, considering the smell he gave whenever he was near you, and you sleep with him and then tell him it was a mistake?! Are you stupid or just cruel?"
Derek hadn't even reacted to the slap, but with every word she had spewed he had grown pale. And attracted a nauseous face. With a whispered 'No' as her words really sunk in. A word he liked to repeat a few times while his color slowly returned to his face.
Cora backed away from him as he grabbed his leather jacket and car keys, practically running for the door.
As he closed the door after him, she really hoped he fixed this.
~'~
Derek swallowed harshly while he rasped his fingers against the glass of Stiles' window. The teen was sitting by his desk so Derek could see how his back tensed and his face warped into a neutral expression as he rose and soon opened the window. At least he opened. That was more than Derek had expected.
"What do you want?" Derek wanted to wince at how bitter and harsh the words spilling from Stiles' mouth sounded. Okay, Derek wasn't going to lie. He knew that Stiles had like him, the pheromones all of them had smelled had made that very clear. So he also knew that it had hurt the teen to get rejected like that. But Derek really believed it to be in Stiles best interest to not like him in the least. He was cursed. Paige, Kate and Jennifer were proof enough.
But Derek wasn't cruel. He would at least try not to be.
"Came to talk..." he mumbled and looked Stiles over. The human's heart and smell told him he was both happy to have him there and wanting nothing more than to have Derek leave as soon as possible.
"Well, talk." Stiles crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at him expectantly.
Derek drew in a deep breath, which just smelled a lot of Stiles which didn't help him focus in the least.
"I'm sorry." was all he managed. Which made him feel even more awful. Because really, there were better things he could say. Should say.
And it was clear Stiles didn't like it either.
He would soon be talking, screaming or snarling. Which one, Derek didn't know. But he didn't give Stiles time to start doing any of it.
One of his hands grabbed Stiles' neck, the other placed itself at the small of his' back, pulling the teen close as Derek crushed their lips together in an almost desperate kiss.
A small noise escaped the human's throat but he didn't shove Derek away. He didn't shove him away!
The kiss ended soon though. Derek made sure of that while placing his forehead against Stiles'.
"No, listen. I'm sorry. I really am. Not for... Not for it happening but for me being shitty to you, alright? Not for me... liking you but for me making sure you wouldn't wanna be near me. It's just.. I don't really possess the best list of exes and- well, only two of them were awful but- I just didn't want you to get affected by the stupid curse that is my life. You're pure, Stiles. So fucking pure and good and I'll destroy you. It's what I do. So, I'm sorry." he couldn't help himself, it might be the last chance he got so, he stole a small peck from the boy's red lips.
He opened his eyes, not aware that he had closed them at all, and stared into Stiles' warm amber eyes. For once he was impossible to read. Derek couldn't pick up anything. Not from his heart, not from his smell and not from his face. It made him feel vulnerable and naked. So naked, because he was sure Stiles could see right through his soul at the moment.
"Dude, did you just say that you love me? 'Cause you know, way easier to say ' I love you' than your whole speech there." Stiles' grinned at him and Derek just stared. Relieved and... no, just relieved. There was nothing else he felt in this moment.
"And for the record, yeah.. maybe I love too. Maybe. We'll see. We'll work on it otherwise We're at least heading there. And don't think for a moment that there won't be a lot of groveling from your side. There's going to be plenty!" Derek couldn't help the small smile that creeped onto his lips, not when Stiles wrapped his skinny arms around his neck and gave him that huge and adorable grin that was just so Stiles.
"Didn't you hear? I'm cursed. I'll destroy you, Stiles." he reminded, smile still there though. It was hard not to have the human's mood rub off on him.
"Is that a promise? Since, I'd gladly let you destroy my innocence because Stiles would like to have a good time. Many many times. Several times in a row. In several different positions. So, you know. Go ahead and destroy my innocence. Now would be an excellent time for it. Dad won't be home and all, late shift at the station, so..."
Stiles looked at him so expectantly and with that adorable smile he was wearing, who was Derek to deny him anything?
He couldn't help but flash an amused grin at the lanky teen, tilting his head slightly.
"If I'm going to destroy your innocence you're going to need a whole of a lot less clothing on."
And maybe he wouldn't repeat their brief conversation to Scott. And maybe Stiles' eagerly and awkward undressing right then and there wasn't something he would be mentioning either. And maybe he would leave out the rest of the evening's activities.
But at least he could tell the alpha that he fixed it.