Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Steve this is a terrible idea” Bucky warned, as he followed Steve through the doors of the brightly lit bowling alley.

“Its a great idea” Steve said, holding the door open for Bucky. Distantly, they could hear shouts and loud pop music.

“But I'm an abysmal roller skater” Bucky pointed out.

“Since when?” Steve asked “you used to do it all the time when we were kids.”

“Yeah, at half a mile an hour on rough concrete” Bucky responded as they handed their skates over to the bored teenager behind the rental counter.

“Its going to be fun” Steve insisted, sitting down on a bench and tugging on his size eleven roller skates. He laced them up and stood, wobbling slightly, but keeping his balance.

“A man your size should not have balance that elegant” Bucky commented, as he wrestled with his tangled laces.

“Here, let me help” Steve said, kneeling by Bucky's feet. Steve laced up his shoes deftly. then helped Bucky stand.

Bucky balanced, then fell. Luckily Steve caught him.

“Told you” Bucky said “are we going home now?”

“No way” Steve laughed, tugging him onto the rink.

They wheeled once around the ring, Bucky holding tight to Steve's arm.

“Ok, I think my balance is a little better now” Bucky said, releasing his grip tentatively.

He skated in a tight circle, then tilted to backwards. He would have wiped out, had it not been for his metal arm. Its reflexes kicked in, and the fingers gripped the smooth wooden floor, before helping propel Bucky up.

“Wow” Steve said “thats a useful feature.”

“You mean its useful for more then twisting peoples throats?” Bucky asked, flexing the fingers.

Steve laughed nervously.

Bucky felt bad.

“Well I know one thing I can actually do on wheels” he said, holding out his right hand “a couples skate. You'll have to hold onto me though.”

Steve hesitated, then smiled, taking his hand.

“Don't worry” Steve said “I'll make sure you don't fall.”

Chapter Text

“I still say the coca-cola is different these days” Steve said, as he pushed a cart down the aisle of the supermarket.

“Let it go” Bucky sighed, as he studied two different jars of peanut butter.

“No but really” Steve continued, leaning on the cart “its sweeter and flatter and has more of a- I don't know- aftertaste.”

“Then get pepsi” Bucky replied, pulling down another jar.

“I don't trust pepsi” said Steve darkly, pushing the cart back and forth “I prefer crunchy, by the way” he added helpfully.

Bucky tossed two jars of peanut butter into the cart.

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Later, in the car, Steve twisted around into the backseat and pulled out a can of coke.

“I thought you didn't like the sweet flatness that is coke” Bucky remarked.

“And yet I can't stop drinking it” Steve sighed, downing the whole thing.

“Your going to get hiccups” Bucky warned.

“I'm pretty sure I can handle it” Steve replied.

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“Hic”

“Hic”

“Hic”

“For christs sake Steve” Bucky said, as he stowed the milk into their fridge “I told you so”

“I know” Steve groaned, taking a sip of coke.

“And your still drinking it?” Bucks asked, giving him his patented steve-rodgers-you-are-patriotic-idiot look.

“Liquid helps!” Steve said, opening another can.

Needless to say, only one of them got any sleep that night, and it wasn't the one who was forced to sleep on the couch.

Chapter Text

“You know, I think I'm getting better at this” Bucky remarked as he skated a tight circle around Steve.

“I can see that” responded Steve, smiling.

“I can actually keep my balance” he continued, skating a figure eight before crashing to the ground.

“Most of the time” Steve laughed, helping him to his feet.

“Most of the time” Bucky agreed.

“So does that mean you'll now be joining me in the Egypt, Egypt group dance skate?” Steve asked, hopefully.

“Just because your over eighty doesn’t mean you have to act like it” Bucky replied, sitting down on a bench.

“I think you qualify as a senior citizen too!” Steve called, as the dance music began.

Chapter Text

Bucky thought that snow would be triggering. He thought ice would freak Steve out. He tried to keep Steve from it. But despite all his efforts Steve found it.

And by “it” Bucky meant Frozen. Steve's obsession was cute at first. Listening to him sing the soundtrack in the shower was adorable. Then it got annoying. Especially when Steve downloaded a ten hour version of Let it Go.

“How many times now?” Bucky called, wearily.

“Its my workout song, Bucky” Steve panted, “and at least you can't hear it!”

“I can hear it through you headphones” Bucky called.

Steve pointed at his ears “can't hear you, sorry!”

Well, at least then Bucky could barely hear it. Then it became the alarm.

Bucky judged it had been played roughly four times before he reached across Steve's sleeping body and slammed the off button.

He had approximately thirty minutes of peaceful sleeping before it started up again. This time as Steve's shower soundtrack.

Bucky had had enough.

He stumbled out of bed and hefted up Steve's shield with his metal arm and grabbed a sharpie with another.

“Steve” he called through the bathroom door, using his best winter soldier shout “open the door.”

The shower stopped and Steve stepped out, wrapped in blue towel.

“What are you doing with my shield?” He asked, suspiciously.

“Lets talk modified super soldier to modified super soldier” Bucky said “if I hear Let it Go one more time I will graffiti your shield with dicks and make Fury send you out on a mission.”

“You wouldn't” Steve said, his eyes widening.

“Try me” Bucky said, threateningly.

The music stopped after that.

Chapter Text

However often Clint fell asleep in awkward/precarious positions, Steve did it more.

Now was one of those times. Somehow he had fallen asleep in a chair at Bruce's dinner table that was way to small for him. His head was slumped onto his shoulder, his whole body at a ninety degree angle. A newspaper was folded between his body and the table.

“I'm gonna take a picture of him” Bucky said to Bruce, who was cleaning the ice cream bowls they had just used.

“I really wouldn't do that” Bruce said, mildly.

“Why not?” Bucky asked, pulling out his phone.

“Because he might discover that you posted it to facebook and dangle you out the helicarrier window next time we're on a mission”

“I'm not gonna post it” Bucky replied, snapping three pictures.

“See that you don't” Bruce said, stacking plates “I'd miss our dinner nights.”

Bucky posted it when Bruce turned his back.

Steve will probably find it funny, he told himself as he tagged Steve.

Needless to say, Steve did not find the picture funny. However, Steve's facebook followers were highly amused by Steve's two minute video chronicling Bucky's first trip to the skating rink (revenge is sweet, especially when shared by twenty million followers).

Chapter Text

“Are you totally sure about this?” Bucky asked.

“Of course!” Steve replied, shifting his position on the couch “its actually quite easy.”

Bucky eyed Steve's new ukulele doubtfully.

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Bucky was seriously regretting ever moving in with Steve. He could deal with the excess of peanut butter that was bought and the punching bags in the hallway, but the ukelele was pushing it.

“Just come to bed” he yelled, as Steve messed up yet another chord.

“No, I've almost got it” Steve called.

Bucky groaned and pulled the covers his head.

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The next night, he knocked on Bruce's door. Bruce was in his pajamas, a toothbrush in his mouth.

“Can I sleep on your couch?” Bucky asked “my place is a little...noisy right now.”

“More late night workouts?” Bruce asked sympathetically “go ahead.”

Bucky didn't correct him.

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“Did you miss me?” Bucky asked, when he got back to his apartment the next morning.

“I didn't even realize you were gone” Steve laughed “I pulled an all nighter with Darla last night”

“Who?” Bucky asked, afraid of the answer.

“My ukelele” Steve answered, as if it were obvious.

It was time for an intervention.

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“Natasha you need to do something” Bucky said, the moment she opened the door to her apartment.

“Whats wrong?” she asked worriedly.

“Steve's pursuing musical hobbies” Bucky answered, despairingly.

“Oh, well, thats nice” Natasha said, opening the door wider “he could use a hobby”

“Its the ukelele” Bucky wailed.
Natasha collapsed onto an armchair, laughing.

“wait seriously?” she choked “oh that is- that is-”

She caught sight of Bucky's face.

“Right sorry. So you want an intervention?”

Bucky nodded grimly.

Bucky never asked exactly what she did to quite Steve's ukelele obsession. As a fellow ex-KGB assassin, he decided he didn't want to know.

Chapter Text

The first time it was funny

The second time it was slightly less funny

The third time it was stupid

The fourth time it was obnoxious

The fifth time it was unbearable

This has been a poem about a certain someone's obsession with memes

a poem by Bucky Barnes

The first time it was funny

The second time it was funny

The third time it was funny

The fourth time it was funny

The fifth time it was funny

My facebook followers love it

A poem by Steve rogers

Stop acting like a senior citizen

You are stuck in 2009

-Bucky

Someones jealous I have twenty million facebook followers

-Steve

This is why I don't have a facebook

Your both obnoxious

- Natasha