Chapter Text
Wind was howling outside of the small farm house. Shutters were pulled tight to keep the wind at bay. The farm was situated a few hours off the west cost, and sometimes high winds would be swept in land from the ocean. A young brunette woman was laying on a small bed in the corner near a old stove for heat. She had green eyes a slight slender frame only marred by the very pregnant belly. The house only had one large room, and the room served every purpose. Hand made furniture was scarce, and the floor was made of dirt.
Zor-El stood near the front door waiting for the woman to finish giving birth to their first child. He was going to have a son whether his wife wanted it or not. He had no time or money to waste on a girl.
A scream of pain was heard across the room. The woman had been in tough labor for hours and she was exhausted. “Zor-El I think it’s time for you to help.” The woman called in a weak voice.
Zor-El was tall and had a hard muscular frame. His blond hair was cut short, and blue eyes the color of hard ice. Tan skin lined with wrinkles from working in the sun all his life. Big hands with well worked calluses adorned his palms. He kneeled at the end of the bed and looked between his wife’s legs, and sure enough he saw a head covered in fluid about ready to finish coming out.
“Alright Alura looks like its time to push this boy out.” His gruff voice held little kindness for his tired wife. When they had married he knew what he wanted out of a wife. Someone to run his home, raise his sons, and warm his bed.
Alura had been one of two daughters, and her father had not cared who wanted to marry them as long as they were no longer his responsibility. His farm was failing and he had no money to support them any longer. As much as he loved his girls better to be married then to become a whore in town because they had no where to live. Soon after his girls were married the farm was gone, and the father left to work on the railroad.
The next contraction hit and Alura started to push. It took two agonizing contractions for the child to be born. Zor-El caught the baby in an old shirt and used his knife from his boot to cut the cord. When he finally looked down at the baby.
A girl...
“This child is useless Alura it’s a girl. We can’t afford a girl and I won’t waste time on it.” Zor-El growled moving to go take the child out into the storm to get rid of it.
“No wait please!!!” Alura called out to her husband with panic in her voice. “We will raise him as a boy no one will have to know!!” Alura was desperate she didn’t want to lose her baby. She would do anything to keep her safe.
Zor-El stopped walking “what nonsense are you speaking woman. It’s plain as day you gave me a girl.” His voice booming in the small house causing the infant to cry.
Alura’s heart clenched at the sad wale of her child. “We raise him as a boy he won’t know any differently until he is old enough to school him in the way his life will be. Their are herbs we can give him as he grows for him to not progress into anything, but a man with no penis. We raise a son, he will be a boy. Just one that will never marry.”
Alura has Zor-El’s attention now. She had to keep it she would not lose her child.
“Children grow to be what their parents make of them, make him a man husband.”
Alura almost sounded like she had pride in her voice for her husbands abilities. She could stroke his ego, she could win this fight.
“Very well Alura. What will we name our son?” He looked down at the squalling infant that he now wrapped carefully in a shirt.
“Karson. Karson Zor-El “ Alura replied holding her arms out to hold her new son. Zor-El looked at the infant nodding. He handed the bundle over to his wife. “Karson it is.”
Alura held her child close to her chest. When Zor-El left to check the barn she kissed the blond hair that grew softly on the small head. “Kara Zor-El you will have a hard life, but you will live. Please forgive me daughter, but I have not the strength to let you go even if it will make your life hard in the future. I love you more then anything my little one.”
That name would only live in her thoughts Alura promised herself she wouldn’t risk hurting her child for anything in the world.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
The smell of biscuits in the oven is what woke Karson from his dreams. Today was his tenth birthday, and he knew that today would be no different then any other birthday he had. Getting up he pulled on his jeans, socks and boots. Pulled one of his fathers old shirts out of a trunk against the wall, and buttoned it slowly as he walked to the small kitchen where his mother was.
“Morning.” A yawn silting the words as they came from Karson’s mouth.
“Morning little one your tea is on the table.” Alura smiled down at her son. “Oh and Happy birthday.” Wrapping her son in a rare hug. Zor-El has made it clear that the only way to raise a son was to not coddle the boy. So hugs and affection were only shown when Zor-El wasn’t around.
Karson reveled in the hug his mother had given him. He hated that she would get in trouble if his father had known, but he wouldn’t turn down the affection when it was offered. He looked down at his tea with a grimace. Knowing better then to argue he chugged the foul tasting drink with a shudder. “Eghh “
“Come sit at the table and eat your breakfast. You don’t want to be late for your chores.” Alura pulled out a chair for her son.
No sooner had Karson sat down and lifted his fork, Zor-El walked through the door. “Best hurry up and eat so you can get to work lots to do today.” Karson nodded his head, and started to shove food in his mouth quickly so he wouldn’t anger his father.
“Zor-El he is now the right age that he will need to go to school a couple of days a week.” Alura said quietly from across the room.
“I don’t see what he will need school for. Working on the farm is enough.” His answer was gruff, and Alura rarely argued, but school was important.
“Zor-El its just a couple hours a week. He needs to learn how to read, and write do basic math so he can run the farm after your gone. You will teach him well, but people can take advantage of him if he can’t do those basic things.” Alura held her breath hoping that he would maintain his temper, and listen.
“Can you not teach him those things?” Zor-El asked a growl leaving his throat.
Alura’s hopes were dashed at giving Karson the opportunity to have friends, and a life outside of this farm.
“I can teach him, but it will take away from the time I can do things around the house.”
Alura tried again. Still hoping to convince her husband. “Teach him at night it won’t interfere in anything then.” His answer was final and Alura just nodded.
Karson has kept his head down, and had scarcely hoped that he would get to go to school.
“I’m done. Going to bale hay.” Karson stood and walked out the door.
“Zor-El it’s almost time for us to tell him about himself he is old enough to bear the secret.” Alura said quietly.
Zor-El looked at his wife “let’s see what happens when he gets old enough for him to change.”
//////////////////////////////////////////////////
Dunking his head in the troff of water the horses drank from Karson winced at his tender eye when he wiped the excess water from his face. He was thirteen today, and he had overslept. His father had found him in bed and had not been kind. A black eye, and sore back and shoulders from his heavy strap were not uncommon, but the first day was always the worst.
“Karson come eat breakfast.” A kind voice called from the front porch of his house. Karson walked slowly stiff with pain, but knew better then to show it with how his mother would suffer if she made a big deal over it.
Alura watched her son walk towards her. Tall for his age with short blond hair that curled around his ears, and under the brim of his tan hat. Broad shoulders and thick muscles were beginning to develop with all of the manual labor the boy did every day. She could see his stiff gate, but knew not to show she saw it or they will both feel Zor-El’s wrath.
“Good morning buddy. Happy birthday!” She pat him on the shoulder instead of hugging him because she didn’t know where her husband was. “Thanks mom.” Karson smiled up at his mom kissing her on the cheek, and walking to the table.
Alura knew that this morning was going to be rough Zor-El had decided that it was the day to tell Karson about who he was, she hoped her son could forgive her when he finally was able to explain everything.
Zor-El walked up the porch walking past his wife without looking at her. Moving to sit at the table.
“Karson we need to talk.” Zor-El gruffly addressed his son. Karson winced at his tone, but raised his eyes to meet his fathers.
“What I’m going to tell you is a secret that must be kept until you die. Am I understood?” Karson nodded his head maintaining eye contact even when he wanted to stare down at his feet. Men looked people in the eye when they speak.
“If this secret gets out it can get us all in trouble, and if it hurts me I guarantee it will hurt you more.” Zor-El eyed his son his serious tone scared Karson, but he knew he had to maintain eye contact. He gripped his hands tightly together to control the shaking.
“When you were born you were born a mistake.” Alura winced, but stayed silent at Zor-El’s words.
“You were born a girl. I have no use for a girl, and was going to go out and kill you, but your mother convinced me you could be raised a son. You will stay my son.” Zor-El stared at Karson who looked on with wide eyes. “The tea you drink every day makes sure you will grow up to be a man. You will never be able to get married, and never have your own children. You will work on this farm until I die, and then this farm will be yours.” Zor-El then ate his breakfast in silence, and got up and left.
Karson had not moved since his father had finished speaking. Alura watched her son fight to maintain his emotions. Crying was not allowed ever. Men do not cry.
“Karson...” Alura waited for Karson to look up at her it took a few minutes, but Karson raised his eyes to meet his mother.
“The day you were born was not a mistake. I loved you more then I could put into words, and I couldn’t let him kill you. I had to do something. My fathers best friend growing up was the town doctor, and he knew of herbal medicines that could make you a boy in all ways but give you the plumbing. It was used for men who had trouble conceiving, but it was discovered if given to children to stop female maturity.”
Alura moves closer to her son, and reached for his hand.
“I was desperate to save you. It’s the only thing I could think of. Please baby don’t hate me for this I just couldn’t let him kill you.” Tears running down his mothers kind face nearly broke him. He stood on shacking legs and moved to his mother. He pulled her up by her hand and hugged her tightly to him. He was already taller then her, and he could feel her shaking against him.
“I don’t hate you mom. I hate him. I will live this way that doesn’t bother me I don’t know another way. I don’t know what being a girl would mean.” Karson held his mother while she cried against his chest.
///////////////////////////////////////////////
The shovel dug into the ground a repetitive motion and sound the only relief to the horrible ache that was throbbing in his chest. At sixteen he was digging a grave to lay his mother. He had been in the fields, and his father had gone home early to tend the new foal that had been born. Alura has been in the kitchen. Karson wasn’t sure why the old man had lost his temper this time, but the beating that had followed was too much for his mother.
When Karson has walked in the door for dinner his mother’s absence was confusing. Zor-El walked behind him “she’s dead go dig a grave.” And walked through to his room.
The house had changed a lot as he had grown it now had three rooms, and a front porch. His father didn’t leave his room.
The hole was dug, but he knew his mother would want a preacher to say grace so he saddled a horse and road into town. He would pay for it later, but it was the only comfort he could give to his mother.
Karson rarely came to town because his father didn’t think he needed to go, but the few times he had he had enjoyed seeing the people come and go.
He rode to the preachers house, and got down off the horse. Combing his hair out of his face trying to look neat he knocked on the door. The pastors wife Megan Jones answered the door with a kind smile.
“Well Karson El What brings you to town this afternoon.” She had stepped back from the door to allow the young man to enter. Megan was a short muscular woman with kind eyes and lighter brown skin.
Karson stepped inside, and bit his lip in order to hold back his sadness. Men don’t cry he thought. “I’m sorry to bother you Mrs. Jones, but my mother died...” his voice shook, and he cleared it in order to keep him self steady. “She would want a prayer said. My dad won’t be happy with me bringing anyone home, but it’s what she would have wanted. I know it’s an imposition especially because he won’t be thanked for it, but I had hoped he would come anyway.” Karson turned his hat in his hands nervously, desperately trying to maintain his even demeanor and maintain eye contact. Men look people in the eye when they speak.
Megan looked at Karson with a sad expression everyone in town knew what kind of man Zor-El was. He was hard, mean, and ruled his house hold with a fist.
“I’m sorry Karson. Your mom was a kind soul.” She walked forward and gave him a hug, Karson stiffened but soon melted into the hug. He was shocked when a few tears leaked out of his eyes. It had been years since he had cried. When Megan pulled away he tried to hide his moment of weakness, but the look on her face said she had seen it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” He choked out trying to regain his composure.
“Shhh child I won’t tell anyone.” Her kind voice sent relief up his spine, and he subtly relaxed his shoulders.
“Let’s go find that husband of mine.” She led him through the house and to their back porch.
The pastors name was John. A tall imposing man that could be intimidating until you saw him smile at you. His dark skin didn’t bother Karson, or really anyone else in town. The Jones’s were kind people who worked hard, and after a few years were accepted as just another part of the town.
Jeremiah the town doctor was sitting next to the pastor, and they seemed to be having a light hearted conversation.
“John, young Karson El is here to see you.” Megan called out to her husband getting his attention. She looked back to Karson who still held his hat nervously in his hands.
“Go on son. I’ll see you tomorrow at the funeral.” Megan whispered to the boy.
Karson nodded his thanks for her kindness, and walked off the back porch to talk to the pastor.
“Pastor Jones, Thank you for seeing me.” Karson said reaching out his hand to greet both men. “It’s good to see you too Doctor Danvers.”
Both men were surprised to see Karson the El’s rarely brought him to town. After they greeted the young man they waited for him to speak.
“My mother died earlier today, and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind coming out to the farm to help me give her a proper funeral. I know my father will not be kind to you for coming, but I’d hoped you would come anyway. She would want to be buried properly.” Karson rushed through his request still nervously turning his hat in his hands.
“Oh, Karson I’m sorry to hear about your mother I liked her very much.” John said kindly.
“I wasn’t aware she was sick. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Jeremiah spoke then softly.
“She wasn’t sick, but thank you for your condolences.” Karson answered with a rasp in his voice.
“Of course I will be their tomorrow Karson. I don’t care if your father will be happy I’ll bring a few people with me so he will be less likely to chase us off.” He said quietly.
“You won’t get into too much trouble will you son?” Dr. Danvers asked studying Karson to see how he would react. The only time he had really spoken to the boy had been when his arm had been broken when he had “fallen” from a horse.
Karson stiffened at the question, he knew the whole town knew his father was easy with his fists, but not many people asked much about it.
“I don’t much care about the consequences, she deserves to be laid to rest correctly. I’ll pay the price for what it costs.” Karson spoke with determination, and grit shinning through blue eyes.
Soon Karson was back on his horse riding back to the farm.
Once the boy had left John looked to his friend “I guess he finally killed her.” The sadness in his voice was mirrored in the face of his friend that stood across from him.
The next morning he woke fixed his own tea and cleaned himself so he looked nice for the funeral. His father had still not made an appearance, and Karson was grateful. Dressed in his best clothes he went to the clean laundry that was in a cedar chest in the corner. He pulled out his mothers best dress and took it to the barn where he had lay his mother.
He cleaned her as best he could trying to help her look the best she could even covered in bruises. He dressed her, and then moved over to the coffin he had made the night before. Laying her in the small box he left the lid off to the side.
His stomach ached. Karson didn’t know how to cook men don’t cook. He walked back into the kitchen and found a loaf of bread and some hard cheese. Eating slowly as he sat on the porch. A few minutes later he saw wagons pulling up to the property, and he walked to meet them.
The Danvers were the first to park their wagon, followed by the Jones’s, and Cat Grant the lady who owned the general store.
Alex Danvers stepped off the wagon and looked around the farm. She had never met Karson, but when she had heard from her father that he would be coming out to help bury his mother she had asked to come along. Her mother Eliza also decided to come she had liked Alura, and was saddened by the news of her passing.
“Thank you all for coming I truly appreciate it.” Karson shook hands with the men in greeting. Alex was the last in line and she looked at him judging he was roughly her age. He was handsome a strong jaw blond hair that had a gentle wave, and blue eyes that looked like they held all of the sadness in the world.
“Karson, this is my wife Eliza, and my daughter Alex.” Dr. Danvers introduced his family, and Karson nodded politely. “
“This is Cat Grant. She runs the general store.” Before Karson could speak Cat spoke up for herself. “We’ve met, but thank you Jeremiah. It’s good to see you Karson I’m sorry it’s not for a better reason.”
Karson went over to Cat and shook her hand in greeting. “Thank you for coming Mrs. Grant. My mother thought very highly of you, and valued your friendship.” Cat only nodded.
Megan came over “are you ready to start or are we waiting for your father?” Karson looked at the house, and turned back to the group.
“I haven’t seen him today, and it would be best to leave him alone. We can get started.” Walking past his guests he moved over to the small coffin. Leaned in and kissed his mother’s forehead. “I love you mom. I’m sorry you were alone, and I couldn’t protect you. Please forgive me. I hope you find peace.”
Karson walked to retrieve the lid, and placed it over the coffin nailing it into place. The other two men helped to carry the coffin to the hill that over looked the river. Under a large tree they lowered the box into the hole. Karson and Jeremiah filled in the hole together, and John prayed over the grave.
Karson didn’t cry she would have been proud of him for being strong. The service was short, but it was what she would have wanted.
When everyone was getting back into their wagons after saying their good byes Karson heard the voice he was hoping to avoid.
“What is going on out here Karson.” Zor-El growled out in a loud voice.
Karson stiffened visibly, and all the guests looked at the young man with sympathy.
Turning to face his fathers wrath which he knew was coming he looked to the man stocking toward him.
“Giving her a proper funeral.” Karson answered looking him dead in the eye. He would not apologize for looking out for his mother.
The fist that connected with his face staggered him a few steps, but he stood his ground. Again meeting his fathers gaze. “We do not invite people to our property.” His fist connected again.
Jeremiah and John looked at each other wanting to intervene. Alex grit her teeth hating the man that was beating his son. Karson got to his feet again knowing staying on the ground would bring a kick.
“That’s enough!!!” Cat grant spoke loudly to Zor-El.
“Is beating your wife into the ground not enough for you that you need to beat your son too. He was doing what was right making sure she was buried the right way.”
Cat glared at the man who stood gaping at the woman who dared to speak to him that way.
“If I want to beat my son it is none of your concern. Now get off my land.” Zor-El moved towards his son again kicking his leg out from under him and hitting him in the jaw again to punctuate his point.
“Karson go get your things. Your coming with me.” Cat spoke with conviction.
Karson didn’t move looking shocked.
“Who do you think you are? You think you can come out here bossing people around where it isn’t your place.” Zor-El barked out anger turning his face purple with rage.
Cat got down off her wagon and walked directly into Zor-El’s personal space. Speaking quietly so only Karson and Zor-El could hear. “I’m the one that gets the medicine that boy takes and I know all your secrets. If you don’t want everyone to know your lies you will stay out here alone until you die, and that boy will stay with me until that point then he can decide for himself his future.”
Zor-El’s face paled. He couldn’t believe that his wife would be so careless. “Fine get your shit and leave.” Zor-El spoke. Karson limped into the house grabbed his mother’s cedar chest and filled it will all he could, and walked out the door not looking back.
—————————————————————————————-
Cat walked into her home with Karson following closely behind with the chest he took from home held between his hands.
When they reached the spare room above the store Cat opened the door, and stood to the side so that Karson could enter.
“I have two sons so I’m used to boys running about so don’t be shy. I know your secret, but it will stay between the two of us. I will keep getting your tea. If you stop taking it now I’m not sure it would be healthy for you anyway.” You will need to get a job, but you can keep all you earn. You will also need to make time to go to school a couple days a week to catch up.”
Karson nodded his head not knowing what to say. Cat walked forward standing directly in front of him. “We don’t get to pick our hands we just have to play the cards dealt. You are a good boy who takes after his mother, be the man she raised not the one he did.” Karson bit his lip hard causing his lip to bleed again. He would not cry in front of Cat Grant. Men don’t cry.
“Yes Mrs. Grant. Thank you for all of this.”
She stepped forward and hugged him gently, and left the room.
/////////////////////////////////////////////
The last two years had been so different. His father had become the town drunk and only made enough on his farm to survive, pay his debts, and drink himself under the table.
Karson has followed all of Cat’s instructions. He loved school, and learned all he could. He worked all over town for anyone that needed work done. The town had taken to the young man. He worked hard kept to himself, was a man of his word, and if you hired him to do a job he would work his hardest to give you what you expected. Local farmers love having a hand around who would work, and needed no instruction.
Karson sat on the Danvers back porch drinking lemonade with Alex Danvers. They had become fast friends ever since he moved into Cat’s spare room.
“How is work going Karson?” Alex asked absently sipping her drink.
“It’s going ok, but I think I’m only out there because Mr. Smith wants me to marry his daughter.” The frown on Karson’s face made Alex laugh.
“You can’t blame him you are handsome, and every girl in town wants to marry you.” Alex teased her friend watching him blush.
“You know marriage isn’t in the cards for me Alex. It’s not fair for me to give any of those girls false hope.” Karson looked at Alex with a serious expression.
Alex sighed at the serious turn the conversation had taken. She didn’t know why Karson never wanted to marry, but he had made it known that he never wanted that. Alex had always treasured their relationship because they could be friends without any expectation of being something more. Alex knew she never wanted to be with a man. Her parents knew too they were sad that she felt that way, but supported her choice. Jeremiah has started to train her to become a Doctor schools would most likely never take her, but she would be the best trained he could manage.
“I don’t know why you couldn’t marry, but if that’s what you want then that’s the way it is.” Alex said with a smile on her face. Karson always felt the need to tell Alex his secret, but every time he had the opportunity he heard his fathers voice telling him he would regret it.
A short stocky man with a mop of dark hair on his head ran into Alex’s yard.
“Hey Winn!” Alex called out. The greeting was ignored.
“Karson you need to come with me.” The urgency in Winn’s voice caused Karson to jump to his feet.
“What’s the matter Winn?”
Karson was already moving behind Winn as he was leaving the yard. “Your farm is on fire.”
Karson stopped moving then. “It’s not my farm Winn.” Alex stood beside her friend placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“You need to come Karson.” Winn’s voice was grave, and Karson slowly moved to the stables to grab his horse.
The ride out to the farm was quicker the he remembered, but the thick black smoke that billowed in the distance drew Karson in with a foreboding weight setting in his stomach.
When he reached the farm his friends from town all stood watching the blaze. It was too far gone to save the house, and the barn was far enough away that it wasn’t in danger unless the grass caught on fire. It was obvious that the people that were there had started to try to help, but it was a lost cause.
The feel of the flames licked along Karson’s skin, and he looked around to see if his father was in sight. John walked up to him a grim look on his face.
“We are pretty sure he was in the house.” John’s voice was quiet, and Karson didn’t know how to process his words. He hated his father, and on more then one occasion wished he would have died instead of his mother, but now that he was dead he felt guilt that he had wished him dead.
“What am I suppose to feel about that John. Because now all I can feel is guilt that I’m not sorry he’s dead.” With a bowed head Karson spoke words that filled his stomach with shame.
“You feel what you feel Karson. You didn’t kill him, you don’t need to feel guilt for not being sad. Let God make his judgment, and live your life.” John’s words settled the nausea that had weighed down his stomach.
“Thank you.” Whispered words were met with a pat on the back.
—————————————————————————————
When the flames had eaten everything the house lay in ashes. Most of the town had returned to their homes. Cat Grant, the Danvers, and the Jones’s were all that were left.
A burned contorted body was all that remained of Zor-El, and Karson didn’t know what to do with him. Placing a tarp on the ground Karson moved what remained and drug the body to a hole on the edge of the property he was buried away from his mother, and with no ceremony.
“This is all yours now Karson. What are you gonna do with it.” Cat’s question hung in the air.
Karson looked around the property. The land had no more debt, and Karson had saved every dollar he had made. Did he want this land that had been such a burden to him or did he want to sell it and start over.
“I’m gonna make it mine.”