Chapter Text
Back when no one knew multiple universes were real, the world still made sense to Allie but now with the mess the current “other” universe was, all Allie thought about was that there had be to other ones, better ones, maybe even one where she and Harry were friends. It was a comforting thought, something she remembered when she was lying in bed with tears streaming down her face. Sometimes right before she fell asleep she thought she could see it, feel it and experience living there, but when she woke up she could only remember the beginning of her dream: It usually was of Allie standing in the driveway of her house, Cassandra behind her, yelling for her to get out of the way so she could park the car. Allie turning around about to yell something back and that, well that was it, the only part she remembered – if there even was more to it.
“Do you think there are more versions of this universe out there?” Allie asked Gordie quietly one evening when they were sitting on her porch enjoying each other’s company. Allie thought that they both missed Cassandra in these moments and just wanted to be with the only other people that was as close to her as they were.
“I don’t know Allie. I’m not sure of anything anymore.” Gordie shrugged. “Everything and nothing is possible at the same time.” It was quiet for a moment while Allie considered the answer. Should she broach the question if her dream universe could be real as well?
“Sometimes I feel like science has failed me.” Gordie suddenly added into the silence. He looked so sad that Allie fully turned to him and put her hand comforting on his shoulder.
“Gordie, science itself hasn’t failed you. Maybe see it as this whole thing has added to your understanding of science?”
“No no it definitely failed me. It couldn’t get us back home, it couldn’t explain how we got here and it sure as hell couldn’t save Cassandra…” Gordie was spiraling. His breath quickened and he sounded like he was about to cry.
“Hey Gordie!” Allie tried to get his attention away from his somber thoughts. “You need to breathe. Deep breathes. Come on!” She took one herself, hoping Gordie would follow her example to get his breathing under control. This wasn’t the first time this had happened. It seemed like this happened every time they talked about Cassandra or something reminded him of her.
“I’m sorry Allie.” Gordie apologized after he caught his breath and had calmed down a bit. “I know its not fair for me to react like this.... its just I feel …” he trailed off. GuiltyAllie’s mind supplied and it was as if both of them had heard it. Now the silence was loaded with unfinished thoughts and conversations and feelings.
In this world nobody really had the time to come to terms with death and the unfinished ending of it all and the worst part for Allie was how nobody ever talked about it. She knew they as a society didn’t have the resources nor the time for feeling bad but every once in a while she just wished for a break. Not just for her but for everyone, just so they could feel everything and process what had happened. Back at home her, Cassandra and Will often had talked about how nice it would be to have a pause button to just stop time for a day or a week or even, when school was especially disquieting and upsetting, for a whole month to catch up on sleep and self-care time.
Not having the time or energy to deal with Gordie’s feelings/demons on top of her own she wished Gordie a good rest of the night and went inside her house. Inside she went straight for the Tequila, an unhealthy but by now welcome and necessary distraction. The first few shots felt great but by shot number six Allie was sobbing uncontrollably, pleading for her parents forgiveness for letting Cassandra die and telling Cassandra that she missed her and needed her and that she hoped Cassandra was proud of her. Laying on the couch, Allie thought about the happy times she had with Cassandra in the past: all the school trips, the plays and vacations together.
Filled by the sudden need to see her face- not just in her memory, Allie unlocked her phone and went to the photos folder. Flicking trough what felt like 100 pictures of Cassandra, Allie and Will smiling or pulling silly faces together, Allie suddenly came across a photo she took with Harry on the fateful fugitive night. Right now she missed the feeling of freedom and happiness she enjoyed at the party with Harry. “Hmm Harry… What has he been up to?” Allie wondered out loud. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen him in… what a week?”
On unsteady legs Allie stood up from the couch and walked out of the front door. She was feeling kinda sick but her need to chase that feeling of freedom outweighed anything. “Allie! Hey Allie! Where are you going?” somebody yelled from behind her. She twisted around and saw someone standing on her porch. It was Will.
“I’m… I’m…” Allie slurred and as she saw Will’s concerned face she stopped trying to talk altogether.
“Allie. Are you drunk?” Allie shook her face but that was a bad idea and she lost her footing and stumbled into Will. “Yeah you definitely are. You know you can’t go out like that. What if someone saw and had hurt you?” Will lectured her with a disappointed yet concerned tone in his voice. “Come on. Let’s get you inside.”
The next thing Allie saw was the ceiling of her bedroom. Her head was hurting and she squinted at the clock to figure out how much time she had lost. It was 3am so she could sleep for another four to five hours before her alarm would ring for another day of hell. Remembering her daily dream about the other other universe she smiled as she closed her eyes again. Maybe she could see it now and remember more of it for once.