Chapter Text
Sam could honestly say he had made a mistake. He knew that, but he didn’t regret it, not yet. Looking up at the dark sky, he tried to figure out how mad Dean would be if he called him. But that would mean explaining how he had got in this situation, and Sam didn’t really fancy that either. His head was still floating, not quite registering what had just happened as he stumbled down the sidewalk, heading to the Impala. He was slightly worried about getting blood on Dean’s baby, but he figured he would offer to wash her for him. Plus, Dean needed an excuse to wear the shorts around the Bunker.
It had been because of a Hunt. It was supposed to be a simple one, but Sam had messed up with the research and it turned out to be a ghost possessing someone, not just a simple salt and burn. Because of his mistake, the girl they had been trying to save, Lily Walker, had died. He’d watched it happen, watched blood dribble from her lips and her head to tilt to the side, eyes going unfocused as she went limp. Sam had been dragged out of the building by his brother, and Sam had needed something to help him forget.
The Bunker had been a sanctuary. It was home for the two Winchesters, Castiel and Gabriel. Mom stayed sometimes, but she was usually away, and that was fine. Because the last thing Sam needed was anyone finding out about his… extra-curricular activities. It had started back at Stanford, where Sam had realised he could lose the guilt he carried just by giving in to someone else. Jessica, the blessed woman she was, took on the roll of his Dom and told him everything he needed to know about the BDSM scene.
He’d lost that escape, only finding it with Ruby, who took advantage of the way his head slipped away. Lucifer had great fun torturing that into him for the entirety of the Cage, but Sam had got past that. When he’d met Amelia, a fellow Sub, he had finally thought that someone could understand. Then, when the Bunker had came along, Sam had an opportunity. He had the chance to go and join a club, to find the relief he needed. It wasn’t sexual, it just so happened that usually his Doms became his partners. That was just because of the trust.
Sam had needed to forget the Hunt. So, he had gone and scened with someone that he quickly realised couldn’t be trusted. And, despite using both the colour system and his safeword, Sam… No. It was his fault, Sam had needed the pain, and evidently he had gotten that. His body hurt, welts already forming, and he reached the Impala. The man hadn’t stopped, eventually someone had come into the room after Sam kept screaming “Impala”, and Sam couldn’t remember much. Different Doms offering to bring him down, but Sam was desperate to get away.
The Impala was sweet, really soft against the pain in his back, and Sam could relax. Well, as much as his wandering mind would allow. When he pulled into the Bunker, he was still stuck with the issue of not being able to talk yet. He hoped to avoid his brother, but, as luck had it, he couldn’t. Dean was sitting in the library as Sam tried to return the keys, Castiel and Gabriel in the room. Hoping he could avoid conversation, Sam directed his body, dropped the keys, then turned to leave.
‘Shit, Sammy what happened?’ Dean had grabbed his hand, and Sam backed away quickly, his mind screaming at the touch. Instantly, his brother looked concerned, and Sam wished to be anywhere but here. The thought wasn’t a good one, because his head was threatening to slip.
‘Sam! What happened!’ Oh, Dean was shouting, and Sam just wanted to curl up on the floor and not be shouted at anymore. He tried to process words that weren’t including titles at the end like “Sir”, but it was hard, and Sam was worried he was actually going to cry.
‘Do you wish for me to heal you?’ Castiel inquired, and now they were both speaking, and Sam wanted the floor to swallow him. Luckily, he was saved.
‘Easy, I’ve got this Deano. Go check on your Baby.’ Gabriel stated, and Sam watched his brother waver, before he did exactly as Gabriel had suggested. Sam turned to the smaller man, wondering what he was going to ask. Then, like magic, Gabriel’s face shifted. It was like he just changed, and when he spoke, the voice had Sam wobbling slightly.
‘Sam, we’re going to go to your room, then clean those bruises and any other injuries. You’re going to eat something sugary, drink some water, then sleep this off. Do you understand?’ Wow, Sam’s mind was off with the fairies, listening to his voice and finding himself nodding. Castiel, who looked confused, didn’t say anything.
‘Words, Sam.’ Gabriel commanded, and Sam slipped further, trying to hold on but finding it increasingly difficult.
‘Yes Sir.’ Gabriel nodded, before walking off, and Sam followed without hesitation. He should have been worried by how easily he slipped into the command, but it had been so long since he had done this, and he didn’t know how to break out of it. Castiel didn’t follow, and Sam felt safer the moment the door to his room was open. He stepped in, turning to find Gabriel in the doorway.
‘Can I come in, Sam?’ For a moment, Sam was confused, wondering why he didn’t just walk. Then he realised that Gabriel must have had years to learn how to do this, and Sam nodded, before uttering the answer verbally. Sam sat down slowly, trying to judge what he wanted, but Gabriel was busy procuring items out of thin air. Chocolate, a bottle of water, a first aid kit.
‘Do you want me to heal you, or do you want to keep the bruises?’ Sam needed the pain, the thought of losing it made a whine slip out, and Gabriel nodded quickly to assure him.
‘Easy, I’m not going to take them. Hands out, Sam.’ Was Gabriel going to hit him? He hadn’t done anything wrong yet! He whined slowly, and Gabriel must have realised he was terrified, because his face shifted from anger to softness. He knelt down slowly, a sight so odd that Sam didn’t quite know how to comprehend, before he took hold of his hands and stretched them out. Warm water and a cloth touched them, and Sam settled slightly, allowing the Angel to clean him.