Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Welcome to ‘The PPDC does Bake Off.’”

Newton Gesizler, Senior Kaiju Scientist for the PPDC, stands at the front of a large room within the Hong Kong Shatterdome, next to Tendo Choi, LOCCENT Officer. Ten benches are organised in the room facing Senior Ranger Hercules Hansen and Marshal Stacker Pentecost.

“For the next eight weeks, or for us as long as these monsters can maintain their focus, we will be seeing who, of the PPDCs senior staff, is the greatest baker.”

The ten contestants are Senior Analyst and Mathematician Hermann Gottleib, Rangers Sasha and Aleksis Kaidonovsky, Tang Wei Cheung, Hu and Jin, Raleigh and Yancy Becket, Mako Mori and Chuck Hansen.

~~~~~~

Stacker and Herc are sat at a small table, a beautifully presented Madeira cake on a plate in front of them. Before Stacker can even begin to start explaining the challenge and the difficulties the contestants will face Herc has reached across to the cake, carved himself a large slice and has proceeded to eat it with his hands.

“You can’t wait, can you? … That was more than the slice that I had accounted for. It’s supposed to serve eight Herc.”

Herc at least has the decency to look ashamed as he tries to apologize around the large mouthful.

~~~~~~

“So Yancy what’s your idea?”

Herc and Stacker are stood examining Yancy’s workbench which somehow has already descended into chaos.

“I’m doing citrus flavouring, so its 50% grapefruit juice, 50% blood orange juice, and some honey. So it’s not 50% of the others. Argghh, maths!”

At Yancy’s lack of understanding of basic percentages Hermann looks up from his bake, a look of barely concealed horror upon his face.

~~~~~~

Tendo is walking around the tent speaking to the contestants. Raleigh is nowhere to be seen. The camera pans around to the opposite side of his bench to reveal him on the floor, staring wide-eyed through the oven door.

“I said I wouldn’t be one of those lunatics kneeling on the floor by the oven… And yet, here I am.”

~~~~~~

Newt has been hovering around Hermann’s station for an extended period of time, seemingly annoying the older man but a soft smile appears whenever Newt’s attention drifts to another contestant. Newt has progressed to leaning over the workbench to watch Hermann work and has just had a sudden realisation what exactly he’s been leaning on.

“Now I hate to be the bearer of bad news….”

“Newton! It’s been leant on. When did that happen?”

“I think that’s my elbow. I think that’s my elbow on your cake. I think I’ve elbowed your… How can I make this right?... I’m going to have to elbow everyone’s cakes and make it an even playing field. I’m going to put a knee in some, head-butt a few others, and then it’s all good.”

~~~~~~

As Stacker has continuously made apparent throughout this challenge a good madeira cake should have a nice crack down the centre.

Yancy’s cake is currently under the judges intense scrutiny and Stacker seems to be impressed by his bake.

“Your crack is nice and moist”

Raleigh can be heard choking in the back of the tent, where the water he’d just taken a sip of has gone down his windpipe.

~~~~~~~~

The technical challenge has proved to be rather difficult for many contestants. Chuck is currently glaring at his father who had the audacity to say his looked like a melted snowman. Yancy is refusing to make eye contact with anyone else in the room as he forgot to frost his “Frosted” Walnut Layer Cake. In fact, the only person smiling is Mako who received large amounts of praise from both judges and was the only one with no critiques.

Raleigh in particular has received an interesting critique from the judges in that his walnut chunks are too small.

“You like your nuts chunky then do you, Stacker?”

The answering looks that both judges give Tendo is enough to have the man carefully stepping behind Newt.

~~~~~~

Stacker and Herc are back at the small table, this time demonstrating Stacker’s recipe for the syrup used in a Black Forest Gateau, made using liberal amounts of Kirsch, a cherry flavoured brandy. Herc seems surprised and simultaneously delighted at how quickly alcohol has been brought into the proceedings.

“No having quick swigs.”

“Too late.”

~~~~~~

Cheung is beating the chocolate cake batter for his Gateau, he has stopped and is staring at the spoon.

“I just want to shove the whole spoon in my mouth. If I wasn’t on TV, I probably would.”

~~~~~~

Hermann continues to glare at Newt whenever he approaches his bench, Tendo has had to take over asking the mathematician questions as Hermann has begun wielding a ruler threateningly at the biologist. In his preoccupation with keeping Newt away from his cake, he’s forgotten to turn the oven on.

~~~~~~

Both judges are unimpressed with Raleigh’s Gateau, it’s extremely dry. Herc began to choke and Newt in his rush to hand the man a glass of water has poured it down both of them. Tendo tries to come to Raleigh’s defence, the young American’s hands currently look as though a toddler, playing at being a doctor, has attacked him with an entire packet of bandaids.

“Raleigh’s managed to slice both of his thumbs.”

Stacker is unconvinced by this excuse.

“It doesn’t affect how long a cake stays in an oven for. If it’s dry, it’s dry.”

~~~~~~

In the end, the judges award Mako with Star Baker, and even though Raleigh’s cake was drier than the bottom of the ocean after a nuclear bomb, Hermann is the first eliminated due to his Gateau still being a liquid.

Chapter Text

Welcome back to Week Two of ‘The PPDC does Bake Off’ This week is Biscuits and the bakers are ready and raring to go.

“At the risk of sparking a barrage of angry letters from biologists”

Tendo looks pointedly towards his co-host.

“Boy, can those guys kick off - when it comes to baking, the heart truly is connected to the stomach.”
~~~~~~

Yancy yet again has turned his station into something resembling a war zone, or more accurately an Exclusion Zone. Newt goes over to Raleigh’s station to ask if Yancy has always been this way.

“He has improved, though, because although he works in chaos, he does tidy up after himself whereas before, he used to work in chaos and then blissfully wander off, leaving the chaos behind him, for me to clean.”

A scandalized noise comes from the bench in front of Raleigh where Yancy is currently trying to cut his biscotti batter into shape.

“I’ve never done that in my life.”

The look Raleigh shoots the camera in response says, quite emphatically, that he is lying.

~~~~~~

Biscotti seems to be sending many of the bakers over the edge. Mako looks flustered but is refusing Tendo’s offers for help. Yancy tried to crawl under his own bench while his were in the oven due to Chuck launching rolled pieces of batter at the older American’s head. Herc has had to intervene twice now as Raleigh joined in after the first barrage. Sasha as always is maintaining a fierce grip on the situation, so fierce she’s crushed three of the biscotti trying to remove them from the baking paper. Cheung, on the other hand, has seemed to misunderstand the object of the challenge.

“They look like really beautiful ciabatta.”

His brothers, who are as always wonderfully supportive, have come to gloat at his mistake.

“If only that’s what we were making.”

~~~~~~

Herc is grinning as he reveals this week’s technical challenge. Even Aleksis looks slightly nervous at the prospect. Arlettes are the order of the day, the bakers, have limited information, however, what they do have is enough to strike fear into many of their hearts.

“This is bullshit, unfair advantage to the two wankers in here who are fluent in French.”

Chuck seems rather unimpressed at the challenge and is directing his anger towards his father and the Becket's.

“In Raleigh and Yancy’s defense, this doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page so I doubt they have an advantage based on a name.”

Newt’s rationale doesn’t seem to deter Chuck.

~~~~~~

“I hate pastry, I loathe pastry.”

Yancy has begun to bemoan his fate, he’s already started wandering the room to see what the other bakers are doing. Sasha has begun positioning sharp knives within close reach for when he wanders too closely.

~~~~~~

Many of the bakers are finding that their pastry is melting while they are folding in the laminations. Chuck, on the other hand, is having a large amount of success and his pastry doesn’t seem to budge an inch.

“It’s only because his hands are literally freezing.”

Raleigh’s voice carries across the room as Yancy continues to complain about the unfairness of the situation.

“Weren’t complaining about my hands last night, Becket.”

Raleigh’s blush has currently spread to the tips of his ears and only seems to be increasing in intensity at the catcalls from around the room.

~~~~~~

To absolutely no one’s shock, aside from Herc’s, Chuck is declared the winner of the challenge. Sasha in second place, with Mako pulling a respectable third. The rest of the contestants were not given a place as Herc and Stacker stated they were all terrible and if Max were fed any, would probably be dead within the hour.

~~~~~~

The bakers must now create 36 identical biscuits and an edible biscuit box to hold them out of a separate biscuit mix.

“Fairly certain Yancy can’t count that high”

This earns Chuck a rather foul gesture from across the room.

~~~~~~

Tendo and Mako are looking into her oven where her biscuits are currently running into one another at an alarming pace.

“One biscuit is melding beautifully into another.”

Tendo’s observation is accurate if not wonderfully family friendly.

“There’s a bit of a three-way going on, actually.”

~~~~~~~

Newt has made a critical error. In his rounds of the room, checking on the bakers' progress he has accidentally broken part of Sasha’s box.

“If I’m eliminated, so will you be.”

Something makes us think she doesn’t just mean from the competition.

~~~~~~

Jin’s box has had some significant issues from the start and now the cracks are piling up higher than those on the Anti-Kaiju Wall after Mutavore.

“I’m facing the decision - I’m abandoning the box.”

The looks on Newt and Tendo’s faces don’t inspire a large amount of confidence in his decision.

~~~~~~

In the end, Herc has had to concede that Chuck deserves Star Baker although he did try to convince Stacker otherwise on 3 separate occasions. While we have no confirmation of this fact, we have been informed by an anonymous source, see Tendo, that Herc is set to win a large amount of money if he can make sure Mako wins.

Despite Sasha having half a showstopper and Jin not actually presenting a box, instead just segments, Cheung could not recover from his not-biscottis and the all-around disaster of a technical and is the second to be eliminated.

Chapter Text

Bread Week is here and the tension is so thick you could cut it. As usual Tendo has taken it upon himself to introduce the first challenge.

“We’d like you to make a loaf using unusual flours, such as chestnut or rye or rice, or you can use a grandfather grain, which is the same as a normal grain but it talks about the war and falls asleep in front of a bar fire.”

“So basically Dad, yeah?”

The look that Herc is giving his son is one that promises a large amount of pain and suffering later on. Chuck seems unphased.

~~~~~~~

Newt has ventured over to Aleksis’ station. The Russian has a rather unusual method of kneading his dough.

“I like kneading dough. I have knocked drinks over. I have hit people in the face with dough. I don’t know whether it’s an accepted way of doing it or not - it’s just very satisfying.”

Newt is about to respond when the dough goes flying out of Aleksis’ hands, whistling past his head, and landing on the floor behind Yancy. The dough is now covered in dirt, carpet and some concerning unidentifiable items.

“I can’t serve the Marshal and Herc carpet.”

There’s a pointed cough from Yancy who’s attention was grabbed when the dough narrowly missed him.

“I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first time Herc’s eaten carpet.”

He turns to look pointedly at Chuck and waggle his eyebrows. Chuck looks about ready to commit a murder.

~~~~~~~

Yancy is moulding his bread into a schnecken shape when Tendo and the judges come to examine his progress.

“Whats a schnecken, Yancy.”

“It’s basically a snail shape.”

“You’re a little schnecken, Yancy. You are.”

“Thank you.”

Yancy is grinning widely at Tendo, the fondness in his eyes clear. Herc seems appalled by the endearment, however.

“Thank you? “You are a little snail”, and you say “Thank you”?”

“I need compliments”
~~~~~~

This weeks technical are baguettes. Apparently, Raleigh has been cheating slightly in his preparation for this task.

“Two fingers. I just know how Herc does it. Two fingers. Up and down like that.”

Chuck has yet again been distracted from his own bake, due to one of the Becket brothers.

“Oi, Raaaleigh. Something you’re not telling me?”

Raleigh has yet again begun to blush a vivid red, Chuck is grinning in triumph as he goes back to his own dough.

~~~~~~

The technical passes with no disasters, for the first time Raleigh has won a challenge. Yancy and the Wei’s are now wiggling their fingers at anyone who makes the mistake of making eye-contact.

~~~~~~

“For this week’s showstopper ladies and gents, we are looking for the next Michelanel-dough.”

All of the bakers are currently rolling their eyes at the awful pun from Tendo but it doesn’t stop from continuing.

“We want you to make a 3D Bread Sculpture worthy of The Met or at the very least, for Stacker to put a picture of on his fridge.”

~~~~~~~~

Chuck’s aggression towards his father hasn’t abated since Herc called out his technical in week one. If anything Chuck is more determined than ever to spite Herc with his bakes.

“Put a bit of saffron in there for good measure. Just to spite Herc, who thinks it’s not going to work.”

~~~~~~

The showstoppers this week are excellent. Raleigh has elected to make a WW2 bomber out of bread, Mako has created an accurate, to scale model of Coyote Tango, no guesses who she’s trying to sweet talk. Sasha presents a fully functional set of matryoshka dolls, that blow both judges away. Hu’s detailed model of the Bone Slums made entirely of bread however is what impresses the judges the most.

Chuck’s 3D model of Max is brought to the judges, both father and son have smug expressions upon their faces. Herc because he’s sure Chuck has shot himself in the foot with the saffron, Chuck because he knows his flavour combination works.

“Annoyingly, I really like it.”

Tendo ever the professional decides to needle Herc more.

“Oh, how painful to give a compliment. Oh, that hurts on such a deep genetic level.”

~~~~~~

Hu’s outstanding showstopper is enough to secure him the place of Star Baker this week, however, Mako does receive a special mention from Stacker for hers. Both Chuck and Yancy mumble about favouritism and nepotism.

While Aleksis tried valiantly to recover from his carpet related disaster, neither his technical nor his showstopper were good enough to save him from being the third contestant eliminated.

Chapter Text

Dessert Week is often referred to as a week all about “Stressed” which is Dessert backwards but never has it been truer than this week.

~~~~~~~

The bakers’ first task this week is to create a trifle, things have been going well, disasters have been avoided and Yancy has just begun putting the custard into his trifle. Tendo has come over to discover Yancy in mid-panic.

“What’s up Becket Boy?”

“This isn’t my custard.”

“What do you mean this isn’t your custard?”

Yancy is trying to keep his voice low to avoid drawing the attention of the other bakers.

“I mean, that me and Rals share a fridge, and I may have forgotten what my bowl looked like, so I’ve used Raleigh’s custard.”

Newt who has often been referred to as being as subtle as a flying brick decided now was his moment to shine.

“What do you mean you’ve used Raleigh’s custard?!”

~~~~~~

Chuck has decided to ignore antagonising Herc this week in favour of sucking up, in the hopes that Star Baker will come his way once again.

“Enough booze to keep Herc happy but not the raw alcohol flavour that will offend Stacker.”

~~~~~~

The judging of “Yancy’s Tropical Trifle with Raleigh’s Custard” has taken longer than the others due to the fact that the custard was rather nice and the judges having to decide whether Yancy or Raleigh deserves that as their achievement.

~~~~~~~

Chuck’s plan to sweeten Herc however, has backfired dramatically.

“Even for me, there’s too much alcohol in there.”

Stacker, on the other hand, seems delighted by the young Australian’s trifle.

“I love it!”

Tendo is possibly the most shocked of everyone in the room.

“Have you been palate swapping this weekend?”

~~~~~~~

For this week’s Technical the judges have reached deep into the past to come up with a Tennis Cake. While seemingly straightforward enough to create a cake with a tennis court made of icing on top some contestants have struggled with the execution.

Mako seems less than sure about what it is that Yancy has just placed onto his bench.

“Your icing’s all yellow”

“Yeah, I think I left it in the oven too long.”

“OVEN?”

Mako’s shriek, mixed with her look of horror at Yancy’s revelation was enough to draw the attention of Raleigh who began laughing at his brother’s idiocy.

“No going into the fridge and stealing my icing as well, Yance.”

~~~~~~~~

In the end, Yancy’s baked icing was enough to land him in last place in the technical, added to his grand theft custard he is looking in bad shape and needs to perfect his showstopper, a Baked Alaska.

~~~~~~~~

Today is one of the hottest days of the year so far, and despite being inside the well-insulated Shatterdome, the heat is beginning to affect the ice cream. If the setting Baked Alaskas are left out of the freezer for even moments they may begin to melt and the bake will be ruined.

“Where’s my ice cream?”

Jin is wandering the room, seemingly his ice cream is no longer in the freezer that he placed it in. Hu looks up horrified.

“It’s here.”

The cry of anguish from Jin has the rest of the room, tearing their attention from their own bakes and watching in horrified fascination, as the triplet walked over to stare at the creation formerly known as a Baked Alaska.

Newt and Tendo have wandered over to inspect the bake, Jin is currently holding the tin in his hands, despair etched upon his face.

“It’s a liquid.”

“Well, that was helpful. Thank you for that Newt.”

Tendo is trying to diffuse the situation to little avail. Jin is reaching full meltdown and the other bakers in the room are still watching despite the clock continuing to countdown.

“Right, let's think about how to present this.”

His words are ignored however as Jin has grabbed the Souped Alaska and has dumped it over his brother’s head.

~~~~~~~

The judges are discussing this week’s performances and Newt poses the question everyone's been thinking.

“Could it be that we see two leave today?”

Stacker and Herc as usual however elect to give nothing away.

“We’ll just have to decide.”

“If we marry up…”

At this turn of phrase, Tendo turns to Newt, a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Really, that’s a whole different show, Herc, but I’m happy.”

“That’s the spin-off.”

“We could officiate. This is the most exciting thing that’s happened to Bake Off.”

Herc has begun shaking his head, he seems honestly unsure why Stacker hired these two idiots in the first place.

“Unbelievable”

Tendo and Newt, however, are never ones to be deterred.

“We’ll leave you two lovebirds to make your decision.”

“I never saw it. Did you?”

”So good at hiding it.”

”The chemistry’s always been there.”

It’s at this moment that Chuck elects to speak up from where he’s been sat listening in.

“Oi, Wankers, it’s not like they’ve been married for 2 years or anything is it?”

~~~~~~~~

Despite Yancy’s many failures this week, Jin’s lack of showstopper is deemed unforgivable. Sasha did suggest that he present Hu instead as the majority of the showstopper was still on him.

And while Sasha is given Star Baker for her excellent performance in all three challenges this week, a second Wei is eliminated from the competition.

Chapter Text

After the disaster that was Dessert Week we are halfway through the competition and down to our final six contestants. They must now tackle Pastry Week.

“Baker’s, your first task this week is to make your own version of the classic Frangipane Tart.”

For the first time, Tendo has allowed Newt to introduce the challenge. It becomes clear moments later why this is the case.

“For once, Yancy won’t be the only tart in the room.”

The answering wink from Yancy, has Tendo grinning from ear to ear, and both Raleigh and Chuck looking for things to throw the pairs way.

~~~~~~

Yancy has been looking about the room puzzled for long enough that Tendo has gone to ask him what is happening. It would appear his bake has stalled in favour of cutting the correct size base.

“What I could do with is a really narrow cutter.”

Yancy has now abandoned his own workstation and has headed towards his brother’s in search of such a tool. However, after Yancy began his criminal enterprise last week Tendo isn’t about to let this one slide.

“So you’re nicking stuff off of Raleigh’s bench again. It’s your natural port of call, isn’t it?”

He then raises his voice to get Raleigh’s attention, gesturing along the front of Raleigh’s workbench.

“Rals watch out! You need razor wire here!”

~~~~~~~

Chuck has unsurprisingly taken to Pastry Week like a duck to water and is stretching out the base on his tart like it’s second nature. Newt fascinated by this revelation has gone to inquire about how Chuck has become so adept with pastry.

“Have you had space in your bunk to practice, Chuck?”

However, before Chuck can answer Raleigh is leaning over the aisle between their benches and sighing dramatically.

“Everything’s covered in flour. I haven’t had clean underwear in a week.”

~~~~~~

As the bakers are now more experienced following the vague instructions from the technical challenges, the creation of 12 Flaounes has resulted in no major issues, Chuck and Hu’s are slightly burnt but there are no disasters this week.

~~~~~~

While many a crisis has been averted this week, including but not limited too Yancy leaving his tea towel hanging over the oven door and proceeding to cook it before Sasha noticed and intervened, and Hu forgetting to put sugar in his mix for the tart base and having to start again.

However, Newt has noticed that Chuck has ceased working on his puff pastry for this week's showstopper, 48 Vol-au-vents, and is currently holding one arm in the air.

“Are you hailing a cab, Chuck. What’s going on?”

“I cut my thumb on a sharp knife”

“You’re not the only one. Yancy’s done it, Hu, Mako. It’s basically like a sort of hybrid reality show now. It’s “Bake Off” meets “ER”. I mean just look at Raleigh.”

Looking over at the younger American, he’s currently covered in no less than six bright blue bandaids and is sucking on his left index finger, which appears to be dripping blood.

Yancy seems to be trying to help patch Raleigh up, however, they appear to have run out of kitchen grade bandaids and have managed to scrounge a children’s novelty pack with what appears to be Scooby Doo on them.

~~~~~~~

Despite having to help patch up his baby brother, who currently is more bandaid than a human being, Yancy’s Vol-au-vents go down a treat with the judges and earn him the top spot as Star Baker. Chuck’s a close second, with Sasha a solid third.

Mako and Raleigh have had a less than stellar week, what with Raleigh trying to turn himself into a pincushion and Mako having taken a large gamble with her flavours and the decision has backfired dramatically.

However, the true failure this week came from Hu, who’s tart was undercooked due to time constraints, his technical was poor, but most disastrous were his Vol-au-vents in which he only presented 24, as one of his bakes collapsed, and with that final mistake the final Wei is eliminated from the competition.

Chapter Text

It’s Week Six and we are down to our final five contestants. This week may be the biggest test they have encountered so far.

Tendo once again is back in his usual role of introducing the theme.

“I’ve got a real treat for you. Tasty, beautiful, unmistakably French…”

“Is it Theirry Henry?”

“No, he’s still safe in my basement. It’s Pâtisserie Week.”

~~~~~~~

“The following signature challenge has been assessed by the Double Entendre Police and I’m delighted to inform you that Herc and Stacker would love you to make cream horns. And there’s nothing fun to say about that whatsoever.”

~~~~~~~

Mako seems to be extremely worried about this challenge, however, considering her current track record this seems unwarranted.

"The terror of a soggy bottom has been keeping me up all night. If my bottom is dry today, all will be well."

Newt doesn’t seem to have an answer for that, however, both Chuck and Yancy are making vaguely rude gestures and Raleigh has let out a soft “murr” at the statement.

~~~~~~~

The judging seems to be a mixed bag both Raleigh and Sasha are having a good start to the weekend but the other three have had various struggles in the signature challenge. Yancy, in particular, has seemed to struggle with the cream aspect of Cream Horns, and Herc is less than impressed.

“You should be filling your horns right to the bottom so you can enjoy them to the last mouthful.”

For once Chuck isn’t the one making lewd comments or gestures and instead, Raleigh is looking Chuck pointedly in the eye while shoving his tongue repeatedly against the inside of his cheek.

~~~~~~~

This week's technical challenge of making nine identical Mokatines has many of the bakers at a loss, especially because at this stage in the competition Stacker and Herc’s already limited instruction become almost bullet points.

Raleigh seems to be struggling with the instructions or lack thereof and is worried about how he’s putting the ingredients together.

“Decisions, decisions, all of them wrong.”

~~~~~~~

In the end, Raleigh’s fears were unfounded as he comes a safe middle in the technical. Yancy, on the other hand, seems to have struggled to bounce back after the signature, and Stacker’s assessment of his mokatines is one of the most brutal this competition.

In his confessional after the challenge one of the producers have asked him if he’s disappointed by his performance this week so far.

“No, not disappointed. Scarred."

~~~~~~~

This week’s showstopper is enough to strike fear into the heart of even the bravest individual unless you count Sasha, we’re not quite sure if she feels fear. Or even knows what it is.

The bakers must make a Religieuse à l'ancienne, a choux pastry structure in the shape of a nun.

~~~~~~~

Newt has gone to see how Yancy is getting on, he seems rather stressed and more ingredients appear to be on him than in the bowl.

“I’m, uh, behind.”

“Yup”

“Stressed”

“Yup”

“Slightly doolally”

“These are optimal conditions for Bake Off”

Newt seems to revel in the bakers' distress, and honestly, while these men and women may have saved the world from certain destruction, so do we.

~~~~~~~

Chuck has taken his individual choux pieces out of the oven, and while his eclairs are mostly uniform, his choux spheres have come out somewhat haphazardly.

Tendo has decided now is the perfect moment to hover over the youngest pilot and is delighted to announce to the room at large.

“Oh no, you have some irregular-shaped balls.”

Shockingly to everyone in the room, it is neither of the Becket’s who take the opportunity to make a lewd comment, but rather Sasha.

“I’m sure we would have heard by now from Baby Becket if that were the case, he’s rather vocal.”

Yancy’s laughter drowned out Raleigh’s spluttering.

~~~~~~~

In the end, five, vaguely nun shaped, choux constructs, are presented to the judges. Despite Raleigh’s somewhat chaotic approach to baking, he is for the first time awarded Star Baker.

The older Becket, on the other hand, after a poor signature, an abominable technical and a choux showstopper that looked more like a pile of roughly strewn garbage than a nun, Yancy is the sixth baker to be eliminated.

Chapter Text

Our final four have made it to the semi-final.

People who put money on the proteges of Mako Mori and Chuck Hansen are probably smiling delightedly. Those sensible enough to go with Sasha Kaidonovsky are probably feeling a smug sense of satisfaction at their choices. Those of you that put your money on Raleigh, however, I mean congrats, but was it based on some wiser knowledge or just because he’s a very pretty boy? We won’t judge.

~~~~~~~

“Four bakers are fighting for their lives… is that too dramatic?”

“It’s never too dramatic. It’s cakes, biscuits and desserts we’re talking about.”

Yet again Tendo and Newt are back to their old antics, and it seems that with the removal of Yancy from the competition Tendo is doubling down to make up for the loss.

Newt oddly enough is trying to maintain some semblance of control and order.

“This week is the thing I love most in the world.”

“Annoying Hermann until he snaps and tries to kill you again?”

The scandalised look Newt gives his co-presenter is particularly amusing.

“No. It’s Chocolate.”

~~~~~~~

This weeks signature challenge has the bakers creating their own take on a Chocolate Tart. The tarts have to be ornate, intricate and flavourful.

Turns out ornate and intricate may be an easy task for three of the competitors but Raleigh, on the other hand, has struggled with the brief, and once again Stacker is less than impressed.

“Messy top. Tidy Bottom.”

A voice from behind Raleigh decides that this is a key moment to pipe up.

“Story of Raleigh’s fucking life that.”

“CHUCK!”

~~~~~~~~

As every good Technical should, this one is enough to drive even the most experienced bakers to insanity. And, to be quite honest our contestants aren’t what you’d label experienced, or often even bakers.

Due to the short time involved with this bake, the contestants start times will be staggered.

Mako is asked to stay in the room as the other three are made to leave. She turns to look at her co-pilot, fear and panic in her eyes.

“Please don’t go.”

Mako is then told what diabolical task the judges have set this week, a Chocolate Souffle.

“Right, I wish I were dead”

~~~~~~~~

Chuck is the next to start and upon learning of his task is less than confident.

“I’ve never made one, why have I never made one? Oh, that’s right, because they’re a pain to make.”

~~~~~~~

Tendo has come over to see how Raleigh is getting on, he’s noticed something unusual included in the ingredients list.

“Do you need these paper clips?”

“I don’t know why they’re in there.”

“Did they give you these?”

“They gave these.”

“Paper clips?”

“They’re in there. I don’t quite know why.”

Throughout this entire exchange, Tendo has been becoming slowly more confused and slightly more shrill.

“What for filing your souffle?”

“Yeah for filing it away in the folder that says, “Never Bake Again.””

At this point, Raleigh has clearly lost it and his voice has raised enough that Sasha has looked up from her bench and is watching with interest. Tendo is pulling a concerned face and looks worried that Raleigh might begin throwing things.

“Sorry, that was just, Jekyll and Hyde moment.”

Raleigh looks rather sheepish at his outburst.

“Sorry, I’m ok. It’s all fine.”

“Honestly, Becket Boy, I think you’ve been spending too much time with Chuckles over there.”

The answering middle finger from Chuck only helps to prove Tendo’s point.

~~~~~~~

Despite Mako’s initial fears, she takes first place in the technical challenge, Sasha a close second and the boys are tied for last place with Chuck’s souffle failing to rise and Raleigh’s being slightly raw in the middle.

~~~~~~~

The penultimate Showstopper of the series is upon us, and of course, in a week all about chocolate, you can expect nothing less from this challenge.

The bakers must make a 3D Chocolate Centrepiece, it must contain a biscuit element and must contain white chocolate, other than that our contestants can go wild.

~~~~~~~

Newt has wandered over to Sasha’s bench along with Herc and Stacker to inspect her plans and progress. She is creating an intricate Chocolate copy of the Kremlin and it is already looking spectacular.

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.”

At Newt’s comment, Sasha has levelled the small man with a look that has both Herc and Stacker taking a step back, before she responds, her voice even and leaving no room for further conversation.

“Chocolate.”

~~~~~~~

In an unexpected tragedy, Mako’s Cocoa Carousel has collapsed with twenty minutes to go, and in the chaos, she has forgotten to include a white chocolate element.

Despite the tragedy, Stacker and Herc are trying to be somewhat gentle in their delivery as until this moment Mako had been a strong contender for winning this competition.

“It does look a bit of a mess if I’m gonna be brutally honest.”

“The flavour is very good. It’s lovely if you just close your eyes while you eat it.”

Regardless of Raleigh’s tart errors or the boys failures to get it up in the technical, Mako’s complete miss of the brief for the Showstopper has meant that they have no choice but to eliminate her, making Mako the first contestant in the history of Bake Off’s to be eliminated after winning the technical in the same week.

Chapter Text

Here we are, the final of “The PPDC does Bake Off” and who would have thought we’d make it here.

The bakers have been asked about how they feel about making it this far, and how their loved ones have reacted.

“Aleksis is not surprised, he knew I’d make it this far.”

“I mean, if Dad had had his way I’d probably have gone the first time I put saffron in something but what can you do.”

“Yancy is obviously massively biased. He’s really pleased, really proud of me but his advice has mostly been “Crush the opposition”, which I think is a little bit strong.”

~~~~~~~

To start this week, our finalists have to create 16 Iced Buns, two different types, seems simple enough considering we’re at the end, but here we go.

Sasha and Raleigh present flavours typical of the bake-off, Elderflower and Lemon, Cinnamon and Apple, Spiced Buns. Chuck, on the other hand, has dug into his somewhat limited childhood for one of his buns and has presented the judges with a unique take on Fairy Bread.

Some of our team have suggested that it looks like Herc might actually be crying in some shots, others are arguing it’s just the light. One brave soul thinks it’s just Chuck’s bake has caused an allergic reaction.

We will let you guys be the judges on this one.

~~~~~~~

The final technical of the series is to create a Mille-feuille. Raleigh has some keywords of wisdom upon revealing the challenge.

“I mean at least I know what one looks like, which is a step up from most of these things.”

~~~~~~~

Stacker is once again demonstrating how best to execute the technical that they have set our bakers.

He has asked Herc to help out by making up a batch of icing. Herc however, instead of carefully folding the icing sugar in, he has dropped the entire lot in at once, covering both he and Stacker in the process.

“Ooops.”

“Look at it!”

Stacker has taken the nearby tea towel and has whipped it against Herc’s leg in retaliation.

~~~~~~~

Newt is back to his favourite task of annoying Sasha. We don’t think he has any sense of self-preservation.

“So what are you going to do after this is over? Got any hobbies lined up to keep you busy?”

“I joined a local mushroom club. I do like to forage. It is a very unforgiving pastime. You get it wrong, and you can pay a hell of a price. The opportunity to kill yourself is quite good. Some mushrooms, you eat them and there is no cure, simple as that - you just dissolve.”

At the word “dissolve” both Raleigh and Chuck have looked up from their benches and shared a look of panic. While baking is scary enough, Sasha is far scarier.

~~~~~~~

As has become standard with technical challenges, Sasha is once again ranked first. Raleigh takes second with Chuck taking third simply because his layers were slightly less even and Herc seems like he needs to save some face from the potential Fairy Bread Tears scenario.

~~~~~~~

And here we are 23 challenges have come and gone and we have made it, the final Showstopper, the final challenge. After this, a winner will be declared and we can once again go back to our meaningless, bake-off deprived, lives.

The final challenge standing between these bakers and freedom, to create a multi-tiered Wedding Cake.

~~~~~~~

Tiendo has ventured over to Chuck’s bench where the youngest contestant is currently engrossed in the piping of his decorations.

“If you were to get married, what sort of wedding cake would you like?”

“Quite often, weddings are just an exercise in narcissism. I can’t… I can’t be bothered.”

“So, if you made a wedding cake it would just say things like “This’ll Never Last”... or “One in two marriages end in divorce”, piped lovingly?”

Upon noticing Raleigh’s expression from across the room Chuck immediately begins to backpedal, walking over to Raleigh’s bench and ignoring the competition for the moment.

“I didn’t mean it Rals, not like a not ever you know?”

Chuck was giving Raleigh a pleading expression and had taken hold of the blond’s hand that was currently not holding the piping bag.

“That’s good because it would have made what I’m about to do really awkward.”

Raleigh proceeds to let go of Chuck’s hand and get down onto the floor, covered in a myriad of dropped ingredients, on one knee and look up at the younger man, a soft expression in his eyes.

“Ray, are you serious?”

“No, of course I’m not serious asshole, go back to your cake, we’ll talk about this later.”

While Chuck’s expression was a mixture of scandalised and worried, Raleigh’s grin was enough to diffuse the situation and the light shove he gave the Australian towards his own bench had the ginger’s mind back on his showstopper for now.

~~~~~~

Despite valiant efforts all around, a spectacular and ultimately terrifying, cake from Sasha, themed on her and Aleksis destroying their enemies, and an almost technically perfect cake from Chuck complete with hand made fondant flowers.

Raleigh’s beautiful and heartfelt cake that he said was a tribute to his Mom and the marriage she deserved, has won over both judges. The flavours are superb, the execution impeccable and the story moving.

And even though the young American has had some rocky times, almost going home in the opening week, he has defied the odds and taken home the title of PPDC's Greatest Baker.