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Chapter Text

"That was pathetic. Even for you, Herondale." Kit saw Mercy's large grin on her face and he smirked back. "Let's see if you can do better, Goldheart," he challenged her and she raised her eyebrows in response.

Mercy and him had trained together for half an eternity and Kit knew all of her tricks. He knew that she was fast and that she used her agility to slide and kick his legs away or to confuse him. He knew that Mercy always changed her position after she had succesfully punched him, so that she could hurt him again while he was still recharging from her last hit. Kit knew that Mercy always had something to get herself out of bad situations, a plan b. And even though he knew all that, she was mostly the one who won their training battles.

But Mercy knew him as well. She knew that Kit was just trying to get her down. She knew that he didn't really plan what he was doing. He fought impulsive and when he was taken down, he hoped that luck would get him another chance. And because of the fact that she was always trying to see through his plans when he had none, it sometimes happened that he won because she was too focused on plans.

Kit saw her doing it again. Even though she was fully aware that Kit didn't have a plan, she studied his moves, his posture and his expression to see what he'd do next when Kit didn't even know it himself.

He studied Mercy as well. The girl looked like a tiger, waiting for it's prey to be in the perfect position to just jump, push it down and tear it up. Her eyes were focused on his hands and she bit her lip like she always did when she was concentrated.

And Kit decided to use her little moment of distraction. He jumped forward and pushed his left fist forward. Against his expectation, Mercy wasn't too focused on studying him that she forgot to defend herself. She just grabbed his fist and looked him dead in the eye.

"Nice try," she smirked and pushed his arm against his back. Mercy now stood behind him and Kit could see her triumphating grin in front of his inner eye. He growled quietly and shook his arm to get out of Mercy's grip.

"You can do better, Herondale."

He felt her breathe against his skin and Kit just wanted to turn around and tackle her, so that she could feel how annoying it was to always be the one who was caught in a grip or lying on the floor.

"New start?" she suggested and loosened her grip. Kit ripped his arm out of her hand and turned around.

Mercy stood right in front of him, a wide smirk on her face. She was a little taller than Kit and looked down on him with that smug and triumphating expression in her eyes. Her dark hair was right in place and didn't seem to get out of her ponytail. She looked like she had done nothing exhausting at all even though they had trained for an hour now.

Kit knew that his blonde hair was messy and that his face was red. He knew that he had a few bruises all over his body and that he was sweating so hard that his shirt was disgustingly wet. But he couldn't understand why Mercy didn't seem as tired and exhausted as he was by now.

"How can you still be that motivated?" Kit asked, "I'm dying."

Mercy chuckled. "I think that you just don't look close enough. I'm sweating like a waterfall."

Kit raised an eyebrow and whiped the sweat off his forehead. "Oh, really?"

Mercy shook her head in amusement.

"I think that you just have to practice your condition." Kit snorted. "Or you just have do draw a stamina rune like me."

Mercy grinned widely and Kit glared at her.

"I thought you said we should practice without runes." Mercy shrugged. "I said we should but not that I would, did I?"

Kit liked her a lot, he loved her in a platonic way and he was really glad that they were friends but Mercy was a person that annoyed him a lot when she did things like that.

"One last fight?" Mercy asked and Kit nodded. He was quite exhausted but he didn't want to give Mercy the pleasure of him giving up.

As soon as Mercy had been given the sign, her eyes were drawn to Kit's hands and he knew that she was studying him for the seventh time that day.

"Get ready for being crashed, Goldheart." Kit smirked at her and took a deep breathe.

He wasn't quite full of energy and totally awake but he was very ambitious when it came to his little battles with Mercy. Also, he couldn't take the shame of being beaten the fifth time on one day.

"Get ready for being unable to move for the next days, Herondale," Mercy spit out. Everyone else would've thought that she was being mean or something like that but it was actually just Mercy's kind of dealing with people she liked even though she was, as well as Kit, a very ambitious person who didn't like to lose a fight.

"You could understand that in two different ways, Merce."

Mercy frowned but when she understood what Kit talked about she made a noise like she was throwing up.

"Ew," she made, "As if, Herondale."

Kit grinned and she smirked back.

"Maybe we should stop talking," she said, "and start winning another fight against Kit Herondale."

Kit stuck out his tongue at her when she jumped towards him without actually seeming like she was having a plan other than usual. Her movement was elegant - like a panther on his way to kill - and when she rammed her knee in Kit's stomach, he panted.

Before Mercy could use his moment of pain and suffering, he grabbed her wrist and turned her around like she had done it with him before.

Other than him, Mercy had a plan for each situation and she managed to have ideas Kit somehow couldn't think of when he was very exhausted, sweating and tired.

She pinched his arm hard and made him squeal a little.

"Did you just pitch me?" he asked as she freed herself and turned around in an elegant spin.

"I did indeed pinch you. Yes."

Mercy looked so proud of herself that Kit couldn't help chuckling a little before he started his attack.

The Herondale punched in the direction of Mercy's face and for the first time on this day, he actually had a plan. He knew that Mercy would catch his fist to show her greatness and when she did, he kicked her. Hard.

"Jerk," Mercy screamed and let his fist go. "Ouch."

Kit grinned and tackled her to the ground. He pushed her shoulders to the floor and smirked at her.

"Who's the better shadowhunter now, huh?" Mercy rolled her eyes at him. "None of us because this fight was incredibly pathetic and even Mina could've done this better."

Kit snorted.

"But who won? I did."

He climbed off Mercy and got on his feet.

"You're just too stubborn and proud to say that."

"I am neither stubborn nor am I too proud." Mercy sat up and looked up to him. "I am very agreeable and cooperative, you douche." She crossed her arms and Kit smirked. "

"Sure, Merce, sure."

《☆》

Kit and Mercy had their own special place in Devon. A place where they met at midnight to tell each other silly little secrets or to train for a fight they'd probably never get in.

But still, Kit enjoyed to meet Mercy there. He enjoyed the sparkle of joy in her eyes when she looked down the cliff and watched the waves crash against the rocks.

After their training session, Mercy had asked Kit to come to the cliffs with her. She seemed to be serious and that was something Kit didn't see all day or rather almost never. She was always energetic and fun-loving. She laughed about everything and didn't seem to be serious or actually angry a lot.

When they sat at the edge of the cliff and watched the waves, Mercy sighed and Kit looked at her a little worried.

"Are you alright?" he asked and Mercy nodded. "Yes, I am alright. I just have to tell you something."

"Are you pregnant?" Kit asked jokingly and smiled satisfied as she chuckled a little. As long as Mercy was still able to laugh about his idiot jokes, everything was at least a little bit alright.

"You know that I am looking for a little space and freedom, right?" Her eyes were drawn to the water while Kit was staring at her and wondering what happened and what she wanted to tell him.

"And I decided that I will make my travel year. My parents already called an institute and I'll leave in a few days. I wanted to tell you for a while now but I didn't want to lose you. I love you as a friend and I would probably just die if you'd ever hate me."

Kit swallowed. He didn't want to lose Mercy either. She was the first person in Devon who ever talked to him and even though he had only known her for three years, she was some sort of sister to him. They had passed almost everyday together and she had even thrown a birthday party for him. The cake she made had been terrible but everything else had been great.

"Maybe I could go with you," Kit suggested hesitant.

The idea came to him just when he thought about being as lonely as he had been when he had still lived with his father. He remembered that there had been times when his only wish had been to have a friend he would go  with to every place in the world. Kit had once thought that he had found that friend but he had been wrong and now, since he had Mercy, he wouldn't want to be alone ever again.

Kit smiled when he saw Mercy's eyes light up. They were gray but not silver like the moon but gray like iron or steel. That was great because Kit was sure that he could've never been friends with her if her eyes had been silver like the moon.

"That'd be great!" Mercy called out and jumped on her feet which reminded Kit of these incredibly dramatic disney princesses.

"We could fight together and be friends with a lot of people. I could make a scrap book and I won't have to write you letters because I hate that. I won't need to call you because you'll be right there with me. That would be the best thing on earth."

She smiled at him and Kit thought that her smile, her true smile not just a silly grin, was like pure sunshine.

"But I have to ask Tessa and Jem before I do."

Mercy took a deep breathe and sat down again. She had calmed down a little bit and looked at Kit with joyfully sparkling eyes.

"Of course." She nodded and Kit held back a laugh.

"Where will you go?" he wondered and Mercy clapped her hands.

"To the institute of Los Angeles."

Mercy's smile was even wider than before, her eyes shined even brighter and she looked full of expectations.

Kit, on the other hand, felt his smile slipping away.

"Los Angeles?"

Chapter Text

"Kitty."

Kit forced himself to smile when he heard Mina calling him by the nickname she had made up for him. She was obsessed with cats and when she could finally say Kit's name and not just "Ki", she started to call him Kitty. Kit usually thought that it was adorable but he was in a very bad mood that day.

"Hey, Min-Min." He ruffled her hair and made her laugh. She looked up to him from her big, dark eyes and Kit lifted her up and carried her to the kitchen where Tessa and Jem were waiting for him.

Mina was playing with his hair as she always did but Kit didn't mind. As long as she didn't pull it or bit his ear, everything was totally fine.

"How was your day, Kit?" Tessa asked as the boy set Mina down on her chair. The two year old held on to his hair. 

"Let go, Min-Min," Kit said tiredly and gently grabbed her hands to get them away from his hair.

Kit groaned in response to Tessa's question and let himself fall on the chair in front of her.

"So, not so great, I guess," Jem remarked dryly and Kit sighed.

"Mercy told me that she'll make a travel year."

He grabbed his fork and pecked around disinterestedly in his food.

"And I told her that I could go with her."

Tessa and Jem looked at each other and Kit saw that they were as well confused as a little sad that he was going to leave them. During the last years, Tessa, Jem, Mina and Kit had become a real family and Kit really loved them. He finally felt like he was having a home, a place where he could stay and people who loved him and people who he loved.

"And why do you seem so unhappy?" Tessa asked slowly and Kit sighed again.

"Because she is going to LA." He hid his face behind his hands and muffled a scream. "And when she told me that, I asked if she was serious and when she said yes, I ran away. She probably hates me now."

"I don't think that she hates you, Kit."

Kit looked out from between his fingers to see Tessa smiling at him.

He muffled another scream.

"But what about LA?" He looked from Tessa to Jem and back to Tessa. The two of them looked at each other and Tessa sighed quietly.

"Maybe, you should talk to her about it," she suggested.

"About what?" Kit giggled nervously. "Nothing happened, I just don't want to go there."

"You've had a picture of Ty on the punching back and I saw you writing 'Kit Blackthorn' on a paper and then ripping it apart," Jem said and Kit snorted.

Ty was the last person who he wanted to think about right now. He wanted to think about Mina, Mercy and Tessa and Jem. Maybe even about Mark, Cristina, Kieran, Emma, Julian or Dru. He could've also thpught about Jace. But he didn't, he really didn't want to think about Tiberius Nero Blackthorn.

"I don't want to talk about it," Kit hummed and violently rammed his fork into his food.

"Would you please not destroy the plates?" Tessa asked and Kit heard the amusent in her voice.

"I just don't know what I should do. Can't you give me an advice?"

He sighed and suddenly, Kit wanted to cry.

He wanted to cry even though he hadn't cried for a long time now. He hadn't cried when his father had died and he hadn't cried when Livvy had died. The last time he had cried had been-

Kit closed his eyes and swallowed.

The last time he had cried, had been the day when Ty tried to erase Livvy from the death. When he had got her ghost instead of her body. When Ty had told Livvy that everything was nothing when she wasn't there. The time when Kit had told Ty the three words he'd regret forever,.

I love you, Ty. I love you.

There was no chance that Kit would ever forget that day. And Ty, Ty had just ignored him. He had just kept on doing what he was doing and after that, he even dared to say that he thought that he meant something to Kit. He even dared to say that Kit treated him wrong. But Ty hadn't told Kit that he loved him and Kit hadn't ignored Ty to erase his dead sister.

Kit grinded his teeth and clenched his hands to fists. He was angry, disappointed, helpless, sad and confused at the same. And some part inside of him still managed to feel love for the person he had been mad at for three years now.

"Kit?" Tessa's worried and caring voice took Kit back to the present. He opened his eyes and saw that both, Tessa and Jem, were looking at him.

"You should definetely talk to Mercy. And maybe you can tell us what happened between you and -"

Jem stopped when Kit jerked his head up and shook his head. He didn't want to hear Ty's name again. Thinking his name was already painful enough but hearing it again or having to let the two letters slip out of his mouth would make Kit break down in tears or scream in anger. He didn't know.

"What happened between you and the guy in LA."

Kit nodded satisfied.

"But what if she can't understand that? She's always so tough and she never stops laughing. Maybe she thinks that I'm ridiculous and laughs at me."

Tessa frowned slightly.

"I can't remember that she has ever laughed at you or thought that you were ridiculous because you were emptional."

Kit bit his lip.

Tessa was right. Mercy had laughed at him when he had tripped over his own feet and fallen into the water when they had been at the beach. (After that, she had wanted to pull him out but he just dragged her down into the waves.) She had laughed at him when he made a ridiculous parody of Taylor Swift's 'You Belong With Me'. But she hadn't laughed at him when he had told her about his father and she also hadn't laughed at him when he had told her that he was afraid of messing the whole family-thing up when Mina had been born.

"That's because she didn't," Kit agreed.

"And even if she did, what could you lose?" Jem wanted to know, "If she laughed at you because of that, she'd be no real friend."

Kit nodded.

"You're right. I'll talk to her tomorrow."

"Great."

Tessa smiled at him warmly and Mina clapped her hands.

"Yay," she made happily and Kit smiled at her.

"Yay," he repeated.

《☆》

When Kit changed into his pyjamas, he felt that something was grabbing his heart and pressing it together as if trying to choke it. His heart roce and there was a feeling in his stomach that he couldn't compare to butterflies but to explosions and the shooting of guns.

He sat down on the bed and tried to get back to his usual heartbeat as well as the normal feeling of nothing in his stomach.

He didn't want to feel miserable. He wanted to feel hopeful and determined because he was going to talk to Mercy tomorrow.

"This is all your fault," he muttered and even though he didn't say it, the name that haunted him was flying in the air and stuck in his throat.

Ty. Ty. Ty. Tiberius. Tiberius Blackthorn.

Kit groaned and impulsively slapped himself.

"Get out of my head," he hissed and lay down on the bed, his face in his pillow. A muffled scream came out of his throat and he couldn't even control the following three screams.

"I hate this," he muttered against the fabric of his pillow. "I hate this and I hate-"

He interrupted himself because he knew that he'd lie when he would say that he hated Ty. He didn't hate Ty. He actually loved Ty even though they had been seperated for years now.

The guns in his stomach were replaced with butterflies but they were as annoying as the shots. Only less painful and somehow, they gave Kit an utter feeling of joy.

Kit growled. He didn't want joy because of the thought of Ty. He also didn't want pain because of the thought of Ty. He wanted complete neutrality because of the thought of Ty. Not more than memories of a good friendship and someone who had betrayed him, a friend who had betrayed him.

Kit turned around and stared at the ceiling. He wondered if Ty had spent a few nights staring at the celing and thinking about Kit. He wondered if Ty missed him the way he missed Ty. And he wondered if the things would've been different if he hadn't told Ty that he loved him. Maybe, Kit wouldn't even have known that he loved Ty. Maybe he would've always wondered what that weird feeling was without ever knowing that he loved Ty.

But Kit shouldn't love Ty. He should hate Ty, like Ty or be mad at Ty. He should miss Ty as a friend and the way Ty considered Kit as his Watson because Watson and Sherlock were friends. He shouldn't love Ty romantically. He just shouldn't.

Kit grinded his teeth. He didn't want to think about Ty now. Maybe, he just needed a little sleep and all of that, all of Ty, would just go away.

Kit closed his eyes. Instead of seeing the calm darkness that would lead him to the peaceful and silent land of sleep and dreams, he saw a boy with raven hair and eyes that reminded him of the moon.

Kit groaned. He didn't want to think about him now. He didn't want to be remembered that not only Dru, Julian, Emma and Tavvy were in LA but also a person he had once considered as his best friend and later as the person he'd call home, a person he had loved and a person who he, deep down in his heart, still loved: Tiberius Blackthorn.

Kit closed his eyes again. And again, the person he saw was the most beautiful one he had ever met. The person who had held a dagger to Kit's throat and threatened to kill him when they had first met. The person who'd always chose Livvy over Kit and the person who would never ever love Kit back.

Ty would never love Kit back.

With the pain that this thought caused, Kit slowly fell asleep and drifted to the land of dreams which had been conquered by Ty for three years. Kit could never remember his dreams but all of them, each little or big dream, all of it was just and only Ty.

Chapter Text

Kit heard a dull noise. It sounded like a stone was thrown against a wall or a window.

'Thump'

He didn't open his eyes. It was probably in the middle of the night and Kit needed to have his beauty sleep. Especially, since he had decided to talk with Mercy about Ty and LA.

And as soon as he thought about that, he remembered Ty's laugh and the way he had hugged him. Kit opened his eyes. He could forget about sleeping now.

As soon as his thoughts drifted off to Ty, he was awake as well as the butterflies and guns in his stomach.

'Thump'

Kit frowned. Either this was a very stupid bird, his Hogwarts letter or someone who was actually throwing a stone against his window to wake him up.

He sleepily got out of his bed and slurped to the window.

He opened it and right in that moment, a stone met his chest and he started to choking.

"Oh, damn. Sorry."

"Mercy?" Kit asked while he was trying not to suffocate because that stone had almost destroyed his ribcage and his loungs.

"Yeah, it's me."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kit leaned over his window and tried to see Mercy in the darkness of the night. (The fact that she always wore black, including that night, didn't make it easier for him.)

He saw her standing in the middle of the road, with a lot of other stones gathered around her and a hesitant smile on her face.

"Can we talk?" she asked and scratched her neck, "I'd like to meet you at the cliff in a few minutes. As fast as possible."

"O-okay."

Kit looked down on Mercy and she looked up to him, with that sweet smile she always had on her face when she couldn't hide her insecurities anymore. It made Kit feel bad because he was the one who made her feel like that.

"I'll go." Mercy picked the stones up and went away. She stopped for a short moment to take a last look up to Kit who was watching her in his pyjamas and with a sleepy look on his face.

"Nice pyjama," she remarked before she ran away and Kit lost her in the night.

The hint of a smile appeared on his lips and he shook his head in slight amusement.

Kit turned around and closed the window again.

He wouldn't admit it but he was glad that Mercy was making the first move.

《☆》

"Did you seriously throw stones at my window?"

Mercy turned around and Kit saw her grin even though it was almost toon dark for him to even see her shilouette.

"Did you seriously not draw a night vision rune?"

Kit grinned and stuck his tongue out at her.

"But," Mercy started, "I actually didn't throw the stones at your window. I threw them at the wall but when you wouldn't wake up, I threw one at the window but unfortunately, you were there."

Kit snorted. "I like to see my appearance as a fortune and not as something unfortunate."

Mercy laughed before she cleared her throat and even though Kit couldn't see her expression, he knew that she was serious again.

"Why don't you want to come with me to LA?" Mercy blurted out and Kit could hear how hurt she was and how much she thought that he ran away because of her and not because of LA.

Kit took a deep breathe and sat down next to his friend

"It's not because of you. I want to go with you on your travel year, just..."

Just not to LA.

"But why won't you tell me what's going on?"

Kit saw that Mercy wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees.

"Promise that you won't judge me," he demanded.

Mercy nodded quickly.

"I'd never judge you, Kit." She sounded so serious and honest that Kit could no longer stay silent, he had to tell her about Los Angeles.

"Alright." He looked for the right words to start. "I used to live in Los Angeles. Before I came here, I've lived in the instute of Los Angeles for a few months. After_"

"After your father died." Mercy nodded understanding. "I understand that."

"That's not the point," Kit said, "I became friends with Livvy and Ty Blackthorn."

He inhaled sharply as Ty's name left his lips.

"And then, Livvy died." Mercy nodded again. Kit saw how much she tried to support him even though all of her guesses were totally wrong. He still appreciated that he took the sentences out of his mouth that could be painful for him to mention.

"That was bad, right, but not the reason because I don't want to go back." Mercy frowned a little but remained silent. "Ty and I got even closer after that. He called me Watson because he was Sherlock and he wanted me to help him with something. I can't tell you what because it's more his secret than mine."

He glanced at Mercy but she didn't seem to be mad at him for that. She just kept on listening and nodded, trying to follow the story Kit was just telling her.

"So, we got closer. And I started to feel-" Kit took a short pause to search for words. "To feel different around him."

He saw Mercy's head jerk up and he thought to recognize pain and memories in her eyes. But he was probably just imagining this because of the darkness.

"And then, he wanted to do that thing he convinced me to do with him. I was very uncertain about it but I wanted Ty to love me."

Kit noticed that he had just said love instead of like.

"I wanted to Ty to like me," he corrected himself, "And when we were doing that thing, I told him that he didn't need to do it and I told him -"

He felt Mercy's hand on his and as he looked at her, he saw that Mercy was actually understanding what he was trying to tell her.

"I told him that I loved him. But he just pushed me away and did the thing. We fought and I told him that I wish I had never met him and then I left. I didn't even say goodbye. I just left."

Kit noticed how wobbly his voice sounded. It went up and down and he was sure that he'd cry if he had to say anything more.

Ty was the only one who could do that to him. He was the only one who made him cry but he was also the only one who made him feel like his body was full of too much love to carry.

Kit looked at Mercy. She looked like she was totally in her thoughts. Mercy bit her lip and frowned a little, slightly nodding.

"What do you think?"

Kit intertwined his fingers amd dug his fingers in his skin.

"I understand you. You loved him and he didn't say anything. I understand you very well."

She sounded bitter and Kit asked if he was not the only one who had been running away when they first met.

"You know that you can tell me everything, right?" Kit asked even though he was the one who had just told her something.

Mercy gave him a warm smile. "I do."

"It's hard for me to think or talk about Ty. I don't know if I can live with him."

Mercy nodded again. Kit felt relieved that she understood him and that she wasn't angry because he couldn't go with her.

"I think you should face your past. Otherwise it's going to run you over, one day."

Kit looked at her surprised.

"You'll always be haunted by the idea of Ty and what happened between you if you don't go to LA and talk to him again. Also, you must've been friends with Drusilla Blackthorn and the others. They'll be happy to see you. I'll be happy to have you with me."

Kit bit his lip and he felt like his heart was beating out of her chest.

"But I don't want to pressure you," Mercy added quickly, "I just think that it would be better for your soul if you came with me. Also, I am selfish enough to try to convince you to come with me."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it slightly.

"No matter what you decide to do, I'll be with you. Either as a letter, a text message or a call a month or as a reallife person next to you."

She lightly rocked right and her shoulder touched his.

Kit nodded.

He knew that she was right. It wouldn't be as bad to go to LA as it would be if he stayed away forever and just tried to avoid any confrontation with Ty, the things he had said and everything else. If Kit kept on thinking about Ty without ever seeing him, he'd go insane. He knew that it would hurt to see Ty again, to talk to him and to see him with Livvy who would always be better with him. He knew that he'd feel bad because he was jealous of Ty's sister and he knew that he would probably mess everything up again. But Mercy would be there and no matter what came, she'd be with him. She just said that.

"You're right," he said quietly, "I'll go with you. But you must promise that you'll help me with Ty."

"Pinky promise," Mercy agreed and Kit raised an eyebrow.

"I know it from a movie." Mercy scratched her neck and Kit nodded.

"Could we stay here for a while," he asked and Mercy squeezed his hand again. "If I ever say no to this, you'll have to stab me."

The leaned against each other and watched as the waves crashed against the cliffs and the moon reflected itself on the water.

《☆》

"You must've slept very soundly if you hadn't even noticed that you were wearing your shoes and going outside."

Kit looked at Jem and he wasn't quite sure if he was serious or slightly joking.

"I'm sorry?" He tried a smile. "Mercy and I talked. She threw stones at the wall."

"And? What did she say?" Tessa asked from the living room and Jem and Kit walked to her. Mina sat on the couch and listened to the classic music that came from the turntable.

"She said that she could understand me and that she'd support me no matter what."

Kit sat down next to Mina who seemed to fascinated by the violin that played to notice him.

"She also convinced me to go with her."

Tessa looked up from her book and Kit saw that he was a little shocked.

"Oh," she said and put her book aside. Jem looked as glum as she did and Kit wondered if it was right to leave them behind after all they had done for him.

"Yeah, we'll go to LA on Saturday."

"Saturday?" Jem repeated and sat down on Mina's other side.

Kit looked in his lap. He swallowed. His heart felt heavy and he knew that he would not only leave a family behind but that he would leave his family behind.

"But it's only for a year. I'll come back."

He smiled at Jem and Tessa who exchanged a quick look.

"And you're sure that you want to do this?"

Kit nodded. He couldn't talk. His throat felt tied up and had to take a few deep breathes before he could say something.

"I have to. Not only for Mercy. For myself."

"I hope that you'll have a good time."

Jem and Tessa smiled at him and Kit wished that he had met them earlier, so that he could've felt home a long time earlier.

"it's only for a year, isn't it?"

They nodded.

"Only for a year," Jem muttered.

Chapter Text

Kit heart the quiet noise of Mercy's finger tapping on the table in the rythm of 'Be Alright' which was some sort of her favourite song of all time ever since she had heard it in the radio.

"Would you please stop?" Kit asked and Mercy paused the movement of her fingers. She looked at Kit and raised an eyebrow.

"I am nervous," he defended himself and inhaled sharply.

He could feel the guns and butterflies in his whole body, not only his stomach or his heart. His fingers felt heavy when he grabbed his phone and looked for the telephone number of Aline Penhallow. Jem and Tessa had been friendly enough to give him the number. They insisted on him calling the Blackthorns instead of just sending a fire-message.

"You can make it," Mercy started to tap her fingers again. "I'm sure that they won't be mad or something like that. They'll just be happy that you want to come back for a year. Just try it."

Kit glared at her. "Could you please stop tapping?" he demanded and Mercy growled before she held her hands still and lay them on the table.

"Come on, call them," she said, "Or I'll do it and that'll be very embarrassing for you and for me."

Kit nodded. "I'll do it," he claimed and chose Aline's number.

"Call," he mumbled and held the phone close to his ear, with shaking fingers and a racing heart.

Mercy showed him a thumbs up and smiled encouragingly.

Kit took a deep breathe and smiled back at Mercy.

"Hello?" Aline Penhallow answered his call and Kit inhaled deeply.

"Hey," he answered, "It's Kit Herondale. I wan-"

He was interrupted by Aline who started choking.

"Are you alright, babe?" Kit heard Helen Blackthorn ask from the other side of the phone.

"It's Kit." Kit snorted quietly. It wasn't that shocking that he called.

"Put it on loudspeakers," Mercy whispered and Kit did as she asked.

"Kit Herondale?" he heard Helen ask quietly.

For a second, it was silent on the other side of the phone. Then, a loud squeal made Kit hold the phone away from his ear.

"Kit is calling?" Kit would've guessed that it was Dru who talked but she sounded more mature than the last time he had heard her talking.

"That jerk didn't show any sign of existing for years!"

Mercy chuckled and Kit glared at her.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"Uhm..." Kit wasn't sure if he should say something or just keep quiet until everyone would be calmed down again.

"Why is he calling?" That was Emma. Her voice didn't change at all and Kit could recognize her right when she started talking. But other than Dru, she had had puberty behind her when Kit had met her. He guessed that Dru must've changed a lot during the past years.

But what else did he expect?

He had missed three years, it was only logically that the people he had met in Los Angeles were different now. 

"I just wanted to say -"

Kit was interrupted again.

"I heard Kit calls us."

That was definetely Julian.

"Yeah," Aline said, "I'll put him on speaker."

"Hi," Kit muttered and saw how much Mercy held back a smirk because of the family's and Kit's behaviour.

"So, I heard that you wanted something." Aline cleared her throat. Dru snorted in the background.

"Hi, Kit!" Kit guessed that that had been Tavvy who had talked to him.

"I just wanted to ask you something. A friend of mine, from Devon, will go to Los Angeles for her travel year. I-"

"Someone will come to the institute?" Dru asked excitedly and Kit heard that someone clapped their hands.

"A girl named Mercy Goldheart," Aline explained.

Kit looked at Mercy who puffed her chest a little and looked very proud even though she had done nothing except sending a fire-message to the institute in LA.

"Great," Dru squealed, "I'll meet somebody new."

"So," Kit began again, "I wanted to know if I could come with her."

"You what?" Emma asked and Kit rolled his eyes at her.

"I wanted to know if I could go to the institute as well."

"I'm surprised that you told us," Dru claimed, "I had the impression that you never announced it when you come and go."

Kit sighed. "I'm sorry. Goodbyes aren't really my thing."

And I didn't want to see Ty ever again.

"That's a lame excuse," Emma blamed him.

"But can I come to LA or do I have to stay here without Mercy?"

Mercy mockingly raised an eyebrow at him and Kit knew what she would've said if he hadn't been that nervous and if he hadn't been calling someone.

"Aw, I know that you love me and miss me whenever I'm not with you. You're such a softie, Herondale."

Nobody said anything. They were probably exchanging their opinions with nodding and shaking their heads.

"Yes. We expect you to be here on saturday."

"Great. Thank you."

Kit smirked and he and Mercy high-fived each other soundless.

"I'm still mad at him for leaving us," Dru muttered and Kit bit his lip.

He was truly sorry about that but he couldn't have done it differently in that situation. He was just an angst-ridden teenager who couldn't deal with his inner demons. Plus, he hadn't even been a real shadowhunter back then.

"Goodbye," Kit said after he had realized that no one had said anything after Dru's comment and that they had just left an awkward silence and he hated awkward silences.

"Bye," the Blackthorns and Aline and Emma responded and hung up.

Kit put the phone and looked at Mercy who was smiling at him.

"See, everything is fine."

"Ty wasn't there," Kit whispered and Mercy's smile faded.

"Oh," she made tonelessly, "You really wanted to hear his voice again, didn't you?"

"Maybe he left when he heart that I was the one who called."

Kit bit his lip so hard that he could taste blood.

"I bet he was just on patrol," Mercy said unusually soft. She gently stroked his arm.

"You're probably right," Kit said and tightened his shoulders. He was less trying to agree to Mercy than to convince himself that Ty didn't hate him for everything that had happened three years ago.

"He doesn't hate me. He doesn't."

《☆》

Saturday came faster than Kit had expected. Maybe that was because the day he had called the Blackthorn had been a wednesday. It could've also been because he spent a lot of time with his family and Mercy and whenever he had all of them by his side, his adoptive family and his best friend in the world, Kit would probably never feel down. It was almost self-evidently that time passed by that fast.

When he woke up on saturday, it was very early. Kit usually refused to get up before it was six o'clock but on that saturday, he was fully awake at already half past four in the morning.

Kit literally jumped out of his bed and jogged along the cliffs to get the bad thoughts about Ty and the other Blackthorns, but mostly Ty, out of his head. He wanted to feel positively excited and very happy about the fact that he would go to LA and see the people again who he had considered as friends back then. 

He knew that they'd be more like strangers when he'd arrive but Kit knew that the whole stay in Los Angeles would be terrible if he started the first day there with doubts, accusations to himself and the guns shooting in his stomach, heart and brain.

Kit wanted to think about a year in Los Angeles with his present best friend and former best friend. He wanted to think about seeing Julian and Emma again, to see Helen, Aline, Dru, Tavvy, Cristina, Mark and even Kieran. He wanted to look forward to the fact that he would maybe even see Jace again who would surely visit him if he heard that Kit was in New York.

But Kit didn't want to think about the things he and Ty had said to each other the last time they had seen each other. He didn't want to think about the consequences of the fact that he left without telling anyone or saying goodbye. He didn't want to think about the new things in LA and he didn't want to think about the memories of his father either.

Kit wished that Mercy was with him that morning. He was sure that she could understand his thoughts and that she'd help him to cope with all the bad feelings that started to haunt him and run him over. He wished that Jem and Tessa were with him that morning. They would've given him the right advice and all of the comfort he needed. He wished that Ty was with him that morning. Ty wouldn't have to do a lot of things to cheer Kit up. He'd just be silent with him or talk to him or even hug him. And no matter what he'd do, it would be totally enough and it'd calm Kit down.

"Dammit!" Kit screamed as loud as he could. He could feel the word fade away from him and it calmed him down. He put each of the bad thoughts and his feelings about Ty in his scream and it was unbelievably satisfying to curse out loud.

Kit ran towards his house and entered it as the sun was on it's way to rise.

"Good morning," he said. Kit wasn't sure if he should shout or whisper since Tessa and Jem had wanted to get up early but Kit wasn't really sure what 'early' meant. 

"Good morning," he heard Tessa say from the kitchen and Kit was very relieved that he hadn't woken them up.

He went in the kitchen and saw Tessa's amused gaze at his shirt which was extremely wet because of his sweating.

"You better change before Mercy and her family arrive," she said and Kit hummed quietly.

"And you should take a shower," Jem added quietly.

Kit snorted. "Yeah," he answered, "Sure."

"Aren't you a little tired?" Tessa asked, "You usually don't wake up that early. We heart you leaving the house two hours ago."

Kit growled. "I couldn't sleep any longer." He grabbed an apple and took a bite.

"I'm not hungry," he said with his mouth full, "But I will eat this apple because otherwise you will force me to eat a meal for six people."

He took another bite and saw the amused sparkle in Jem's eyes.

"Alright," Tessa chuckled, "But you have to take a shower."

"Smell," Mina agreed. She sat in her chair and Kit could see how sleepy she was.

"Why isn't she asleep?" he wondered and tenderly ruffled her hair.

"She started crying a few minutes after we woke up," Jem explained.

"Poor Min-Min," Kit remarked and petted her head which made her giggle slightly.

"She'll miss you," Tessa noticed afflictedly.

Kit swallowed and looked down on the floor. There was a silence, but not an awkward one, a saddened one.

"I'll go and take a shower," Kit muttered and went towards the bathroom.

I'll miss you, too, Min-Min, he thought, I'll miss you, too.

《☆》

Kit wondered why Mercy's parents didn't look as affected by their daughter's leaving as Tessa and Jem. They looked like they didn't even care. But actually, that was how they looked all the time. Both of them held their head up high and Mercy was walking between the two of them. She looked down on the ground and even though her eyes were sparkling joyfully, there wasn't even the hint of a smile on her lips.

When Mercy saw Kit, her head jerked up and for a second, he saw his second favourite smile in the world. But it disappeared as quickly as it had come.

"Hello, Mrs Gray and Mr Carstairs," Mercy said formerly and the pair frowned as well as Kit. Mercy glanced at her parents who shook Tessa's and Jem's hand without even looking them in the eye.

Mercy walked next to Kit.

"I'm sorry. They're always like this." She looked embarrassed and harassed. Kit had never thought about her parents. He had met them three or four times but they were mostly in their office and didn't mind to talk to Kit when he was in the institute of Devon.

Mercy's father gazed at Mercy and there was blame in his eyes what made Mercy look to the ground once again.

"It's nice to hear that Mercy has a friend who will escort her to Los Angeles."

"Yeah, it's nice that I have been friends with Mercy for three years," Kit responded sassily and both shadowhunters looked to him the same way they had just looked at Mercy. Kit wanted to say something about their faces and the fact that they seemed to be terrible people but he let it be.

"So, would you draw a portal rune, Mercy?" Mrs Goldheart asked and Kit felt as if she was presenting Mercy like they were at an auction.

"Yes, mother," Mercy said and Kit could tell that she was trying to speak as loudly and clearly as possible.

Kit didn't like to see his friend like this. The girl who always laughed and made jokes, was suddenly quiet and submissive towards her parents. Kit thought that it was disgusting what people could do to other human beings.

He was fully aware that Mercy had to feel a lot of pressure right now. She had to draw a portal rune and as much as Kit could tell about her parents, they wouldn't accept a rune that wasn't totally perfect.

He saw her hands shaking as she pulled out her stele and drew the portal rune in the air. She was doing it very careful and Kit looked at Tessa and Jem. Both of them seemed to be as shocked as he was. Jem whispered something in Tessa's ear and she nodded.

"Bye," Kit said. He made a step towards Jem, Tessa and Mina and hugged each of them tightly. It was very hard to let that family behind, even if it was only for a year, since it was the first family Kit had ever had. 

He had had a few places and persons to live with but they had never felt as much like home as Tessa, Jem and Mina did.

"I'll write you," he promised and turned around to see Mercy avoiding her parents' eyes.

He stepped through the portal without wasting a last look at the Goldhearts. 

In the background, he heart Mina say his name sadly.

Chapter Text

Mercy's heart was beating very, very fast. She could almost compare it to a racehors. She had been excited about meeting the Blackthorns ever since she had sent the fire-message to the institute and she had been even more curious when Kit had told her about Ty. She really wanted to get to know the people who had cared for him for at least a few months.

She also looked forward to meet the two parabati who had become true nephilims for a few minutes and overcome the parabati curse. Mercy had heard a lot about Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn. She had mostly heard her parents rant about them since they were followers of the cohort and not quite happy when neither their daughter nor their son supported their opinion.

Mercy's mother, Eliza Goldheart, had always said that shadowhunters and downworldlers needed to be seperated and that shadowhunter should have control over vampires, werewolves, faeries and warlocks. She had hated Julian Blackthorn, Emma Carstairs and every other member of Livia's watch. But the biggest part of her hate went towards Mark and Helen Blackthorn as well as Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood.

Mercy's father, Hugh Goldheart, had a smiliar opinion. He hated the fact that there were couples with two people of the same gender, he hated the fact that there were couples with shadowhunters and downworldlders and he hated it that Livia's watch had won against the cohort even though he didn't fight in that war.

But now, as Mercy got to see Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn who had invented Livia's Watch, she was even more certain that her parents were idiots when it came to shadowhunters and downworldlers. Julian and Emma were great shadowhunters and they even looked as impressive as they seemed in the stories Mercy had heard about them.

"Hello," she squeaked.

"Hello," she repeated and tried to seem less excited than she actually was.

She saw that Kit smirked and kicked him against the shin.

"Nice to see you all again." Kit scratched his neck and there was the most awkward silence in history between the Blackthorns and the two new shadowhunters.

"Hello, Kit," a girl said and Mercy studied her from head to toe.

She had brown, slightly curly hair that reached slightly below her shoulders and eyes that reminded Mercy of the ocean, as blue and green. The girl wasn't really tall and quite curvy. Mercy thought that she was incredibly beautiful.

"And, hello, Mercy." The girl, Mercy guessed that it was Drusilla Blackthorn, slightly smiled at Mercy and Mercy smiled back at her.

"It's nice to see you, too, Kit," Julian Blackthorn claimed and the awkward silence appeared again.

Mercy let her gaze wander from Drusilla to Julian and Emma to Aline and Helen and further to Diana Wrayburn and a little boy, probably Octavian Blackthorn. But she didn't see a boy with raven hair and silver eyes as Kit had described him.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Mercy said and went out of Kit's shadow who had covered her before.

"So, you have to be Mercy Goldheart," Aline Penhallow guessed and Mercy nodded.

She reached out her hand to shake Aline's.

"We have a lot of shadowhunters here, this year," Aline said and turned to Helen without noticing that Mercy had wanted to shake her hand. She quickly pulled it back and hoped that no one had seen this unrequited gesture.

From the corner of her eye, Mercy saw the corner of Kit's mouth twitching and glared at him.

"Don't you dare laugh at me," she muttered loud enough for Kit to hear it.

"Do you want to see your rooms?" Dru asked and looked from Mercy to Kit and back to Mercy who smiled shyly.

She really didn't want to mess this whole thing up. Mercy really didn't have the nerves to be the black sheep in another family. She just wanted to fit in for at least a year and after that, she could move out of the institute and leave Devon. She sure didn't want to leave Kit behind but staying with her parents was something she couldn't do for the rest of her life. 

"Yes, please." Mercy tried her friendliest smile and caught Kit frowning because of her behaviour.

Mercy was fully aware that she was no friendly or serious person. She was the clown, the one who joked around and laughed at everything. But she could hide that fun-loving part of her well and she was good at only showing it to people she fully trusted and people she knew well enough to be sure that they wouldn't leave her for her humerous nature

"Great. Then, follow me."

The situation was awkward. Mercy saw it in the eyes of the people in front of her. She saw that each of them had already thought about the day Kit would arrive. She wasn't quite sure what the big deal about his stay in Los Angeles was, but Mercy was hundret percent sure that the awkward silences and the pinched conversation wasn't just about the fact that Kit had left without any word of goodbye. There was something else behind the unwieldness of the Blackthorns.

"So, you're british?" Dru asked while they were entering the institute. Mercy nodded and stared in awe at the opulent entry hall and the whole institute. It was way bigger than the one in Devon and it was also more beautiful.

"It's great here, isn't it?" the Blackthorn wanted to know and the amusement in her voice could not be overheard.

Mercy blushed and looked to the floor.

"I like it," she agreed and heard Kit's muffled laughing as he hid his face behind his hands.

"What's so funny, Herondale?" she snapped at her friend who seemed to be more than just amused by her behaviour around Dru.

"You're usually not that shy, Goldheart," he mocked her.

"You two know each other very well, don't you?" A hint of melancholy resonated in Dru's voice and Mercy wondered if each shadowhunter was broken and bruised on the inside. Because every shadowhunter she had met so far, had had a tragic past, giantic fears and a hint of depressed energy.

"We became friends when i moved to Devon."

Mercy sighed relievedly as Kit spoke for her.

"She was bumping into me on my first day there and didn't even apologize."

Mercy shrugged and a smirk graced her lips as she remembered that day.

"Because you were running me over, Herondale," she corrected him teasingly.

"Please, you would've even run me over if I had been Jace Herondale."

Mercy jokingly pushed her ellboy into his side.

"You would like my friends," Dru thought out loud and both of the shadowhunters looked at her surprisedly.#

"Me?" they said at the same time and Dru smirked slightly.

"No, you, Mercy."

The called lay her head aside and watched Dru as she led them along the hallway, totally in her thoughts.

"Thais would like you a lot," she continued, "And Kilian as well."

Mercy looked at Kit and saw the slight confusion in his eyes as he heard the names of the people who seemed to be unknown to him.

"I'd love to meet them," Mercy insured Dru.

"However," Dru ended her thoughts, "You'll sleep here, Mercy. And Kit, you'll find your room by yourself."

She turned around and left.

Mercy watched Dru as she went away.

"Has she always been like this?" she wanted to know.

"Like what?" Kit responded, visibly confused.

"Nevermind," Mercy muttered, "I'll go in my room. Do you want to meet in an hour?"

Kit nodded and Mercy entered her new room with a sigh.

Time to start again.

《☆》

Kit had never been that torn on the inside like he was in the moment he stood in front of Ty's door, with his hand elevated and shaking breathe.

"Come on," he said to himself, "You can do this, Herondale."

Mercy would've said that do. She would've knocked on the door instead of him and run away.

Kit inhaled and exhaled deeply. He tightened his shoulders, puffed his chest and held his head up high.

"You can do this, Herondale," he repeated, "It's only Ty. Ty. Ty. Ty."

Ty with his raven hair that was dark but not in a bad way. Ty with his silver eyes that felt as if they were the moon whenever Kit looked into them and they made Kit feel like a wolf, howling to the moon. Ty with his long lashes and his headphones. Did he still wear them?

What if Ty didn't wear his headphones anymore?

What if Ty had changed?

What if Ty from 2012 wasn't the same as the Ty from 2015?

What if Ty from 2015 hated Kit?

What if he'd send him away, offend him and leave more scars in Kit's quite vulnerable heart?

Kit swallowed. He could run away. He still had the chance to turn around, walk down the hallway and wait until he could knock at Mercy's door.

"No," he said, "You will not run away again. Not again."

Kit exhaled deeply and knocked at Ty's door.

No one answered and he couldn't hear the usual music in Ty's room. It was silent.

Kit knocked again, louder this time.

What more could he lose?

He didn't hear Ty's voice and he also didn't see Ty opening the door and looking at him from his gorgeous eyes.

Kit knocked again and again and again.

Nobody opened.

Ty had to be in there. He had to be there, open the door and listen to Kit who would apologize for leaving him without saying goodbye.

"Ty?" Kit asked loudly and started hammering against the door.

"Ty," he repeated, "Please open up or come out or something. Please talk to me."

Kit swallowed a sob that was building in his throat.

"Ty." His voice sounded quiet and weak as if it was going to break at any given time. "Please."

Kit leaned his forehead against the door, his arms above him and his hands clenched to fists. His legs felt weak and not capable of carrying him any longer. Kit just wanted to sink to the floor and beg Ty to open the door.

"He won't open."

Kit didn't even turn around at the sound of Dru's voice. He stayed in his position and hoped that she'd leave him alone in his sorrow.

"He's gone. Ty is not here anymore."

"Tears burned behind Kit's eyes but he wouldn't give in.

"What do you mean?" he croaked.

Please don't be dead. Please don't be dead.

Kit didn't even know why he was associating Dru's words with the worst case of things that could happen.

"He went to the scholomance."

Dru spit scholomance out as if it was a swear word.

"He left me. Like-" She stopped and cleared her throat. Kit felt her hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, I'm not mad at you anymore. I know that you and Ty fought." Dru's grip tightened for a second and Kit felt her fingers dig into his shoulder. "I know that he cried himself to sleep after you were gone, at least until he went for the Scholomance. I know that it's hard to accept that Ty, Ty-Ty, is not here anymore." Her voice softened. "But I know that you'll get over it. I did too."

And suddenly Dru sounded hard and strong. She removed her hand from his shoulder and leaned against the wall next to Kit.

"There's so much I have to tell him."

Dru nodded and Kit closed his eyes for a second. He turned around and leaned against the door.

"I don't know what happened between you two but I think that he wanted to tell you a lot of things as well."

Dru looked at him and Kit wasn't sure what he was seeing in her eyes.

She had said that she wasn't mad at him anymore and she also didn't seem to be angry.

She looked indicting as if he had done something he couldn't make better. Of course, he left without telling anyone, but he didn't know why it hurt Dru that much.

"I guess you'll have to live with it." She shrugged her shoulders. "It worked until now, didn't it."

She pushed herself away from the wall and left.

"You don't know it but he missed you. A lot."

She said these words over her shoulder and Kit saw her walking away. He sank down on the floor and hid his face behind his knees.

He missed you. A lot.

But if Ty had missed him, if Kit had meant something to Ty, why wouldn't Ty have said anything about Kit's confession.

I love you, Ty. I love you.

Chapter Text

"And who are you, little one?"

Kit had expected a lot of things when he had entered the kitchen to look for Mercy and Dru. He had expected that they would be eating, fighting, talking or rambling about whatever stuff girls like to talk about. But he hadn't expected both of them sitting on the floor with two little kids between them.

"Uhm..." Kit grinned as Mercy looked at him with a bright smile on her face. "What are you doing?"

"These two are Eunice and Andrew. Helen's and Aline's children," Dru explained and Mercy squealed. Eunice, Kit guessed it was Eunice because the kid looked like a girl, was holding her finger and crawling onto Mercy's lap.

"Isn't she cute?" Mercy giggled and Dru as well as Kit smiled at her reaction.

Kit knew that Mercy was always very excited around small children. She had loved to play with Mina and Mina had loved to play with her. Mercy had often helped Kit when Tessa and Jem had been going out and he had to look for Mina. They didn't fully trust him with that but when he had promised that Mercy would be around, they seemed a lot more relaxed. (Kit had always been offended because of that since he was a very responsible person. Mostly.)

Kit sighed. He already started to miss the three of them. Tessa, Jem and Mina had started to mean so much to him and a year was a very long time. 

"They have kids now?" Kit asked to distract himself but the fact that even that had changed was almost as painful as missing his family. 

God, Kit had missed so much..

"Yeah, they adopted the twins a year ago. And they named them Eunice and Andrew."

Kit nodded. "Great," he smiled, "Now you have two more siblings."

Dru snorted slightly and ruffled Andrew's hair who laughed as she did it.

"Julian said that we should go on patrol," Kit remarked and sat down at the kitchen table.

Kit had actually wanted to see Mercy after his little break down at Ty's door but he had met Julian. The Blackthorn had told him that he and Mercy were supposed o go on patrol with Dru to get to know the surrounding area. 

It had been the weirdest conversation Kit had had since he had arrived at the institute. Julian had cleared his throat a lot and Kit had almost constantly scratched his neck. 

Julian had ended the talk by telling Kit that Mercy and Dru were waiting in the kitchen.

And that was why Kit had been going to the kitchen as fast as possible to avoid any more uncomfortable meetings.

"Yes." Dru got on her feet. "I should show you around."

Mercy set Eunice on the floor and got up as well.

"Los Angeles must be great," she cheered enthusiasticly, "I can't wait to see it."

Dru and Kit exchanged an amused gaze.

"Los Angeles is indeed great," Kit started, "but it's like every other city when it comes to supernatural disasters."

Kit distorted his face as he remembered the demons who had killed his father, the shadowmarket, Ty's necromancy and the other stuff that had happened to him when he had been in Los Angeles.

"Right," Mercy said, "but it's still hot and at the beach."

Kit was sure that nothing he would say could change Mercy's dreamy vision of LA. Especially since she had got to know Dru and the twins who seemed to make her even more certain of the greatness of Los Angeles

"Sometimes, it's a little too hot," Dru added quietly.

"However," Mercy started, "When are we going?"

When Kit looked at her, he saw that joyful and fun-loving sparkle in her eyes that he hadn't seen the whole day. And suddenly, he was a little bit more calm. That sparkle meant that Mercy was alright even though she had shitty parents.

"Do you have everything you need for a patrol?" Dru wondered.

Mercy nodded quickly. "I have my sword on the table and my daggers right here with me." She pointed to her waist. Kit knew that she always hid her daggers underneath her shirt to look less dangerous to people who could see her.

"I have everything right here, Ma'am." Kit saluted jokingly. "I'm ready to go."

"Alright." Dru nodded. "Then, let's go."

She went towards the door and Kit couldn't help thinking about the Dru he had met three years ago. The girl who wanted, almost needed, to be a part of the group. The one who loved horror movies and reading. Dru had cared for her little brother. She had been brave and insecure about her body. He remembered that Dru had loved Ty a lot, that she had seen him as her great, big brother even though, for him, there had only ever been Livvy. He wondered if that girl was still the Dru who led him out of the house or if that Dru from 2012 had disappeared in time.

Even though she was walking only a few inches in front of him, she felt very far away. It was almost like she was trying to keep a distance between her and Mercy and Kit. The way she didn't look back to them or the twins made him wonder if she was still the same Dru from 2012.

Has she always been like this?

Kit remembered Mercy's question from yesterday and suddenly, he was very certain that he knew what she had meant. Had Dru always been that distanced? Had she always been that closed up towards people?

Dru opened the doors to Los Angeles and Kit heard Mercy sigh quietly.

But Kit couldn't look at the city, his eyes were drawn to Dru who looked at Mercy amusedly but still with that distanced look and posture. 

"Do you still like horror movies?" he blurted out and Dru looked at him in surprise. Kit couldn't quite tell if she was surprised because he remembered that or because he had asked that question out of nowhere.

Dru shrugged her shoulders. "Yes." She frowned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Kit chuckled nervously. "I just wanted to know what else changed."

"You were in Devon for three years without calling or sending a fire-message," Dru said, "Isn't it naturally that a lot of things have changed?"

"He's probably just drowning in memories," Mercy guessed and Kit felt the back of her hand against his.

Thank you, he mouthed and relaxed a little.

Mercy smiled at him and looked at Dru again who was already going down the steps.

The two followed her quickly.

When Kit looked at Mercy again, she was gazing at Dru in amazement. Kit held back a smirk at the look of Mercy staring at Dru in awe without even trying to hide how attracted to Dru she was even though they only knew each other for an hour or so.

Dru cleared her throat.

"Alright, we should go to the -"

Kit would never know where they should go because Dru interrupted herself.

"Did you hear that?" she asked and Kit saw her tensing up.

"What?" he wondered and looked at Mercy who seemed just as clueless as he was.

"I didn't hear anything," she said confusedly and saw that Dru frowned.

Her whole body was tensed up and she seemed ready to kill whatever had made the noise she had heard. 

"Someone said something."

"That's nothing new," Kit responded, "People say something everyday. It's not spe-"

"Help!"

The loud scream interrupted Kit. All three shadowhunters looked in the direction of the person who had yelled.

"Help!"

"We should go and help, shouldn't we?" Mercy asked and looked at Dru

"We should definetely do that," the girl agreed and they ran towards the screaming person.

A girl with long, blonde curls was standing in front of them. The end of her hair were soaked in blood and she could barely stand on her feet. Blood streamed out of a wound in her shoulder, her knee and her ribs. Kit saw the voyance rune on her hand.

"They stole my stele." The stranger stumbled towards them. "I can't - Please, help me."

She made another step towards the three and almost fell onto her knees. Kit caught her before she could land on the floor.

She dug her fingers into his skin and he could see the horror in her eyes.

Kit's heart roce as he held the stranger in his arms, blood all over her and fear written on her face.

"They have her," she said and sobbed.

"Who?" Dru asked but the stranger didn't answer.

"Help," she breathed as he looked at her again. She then collapsed in Kit's arms.

《☆》

Dru looked down on the girl's face. She was pretty when she didn't look terrified and totally insane. Helen and Mercy had washed the blood out of her hair and her clothes. 

Dru had thought that the girl had just been pale because of the shock but she seemed to be naturally pale. Like Mercy.

The stranger had turned out to be Theodosia Silverstorm, a shadowhunter who had wanted to make a travel year with spending six months in New York and six months in Los Angeles. 

Julian, Emma, Helen, Aline, Diana, Kit, Mercy and Dru stood around Theodosia's bed and looked down at her. 

"She said 'they have her'", Mercy quoted, "But I can't tell what the heck that's supposed to mean."

"Probably that someone kidnapped someone," Kit guessed and Dru grinned as Mercy glared at him.

"No shit, Sherlock," she muttered and Kit shrugged.

Hurt showed up in his eyes for a few seconds but it went as fast as it came.

"Stop it," Aline demanded, "This is a serious situation."

"I will remain silent unless I want to say something that's necessarily needed," Mercy agreed and saluted as Aline looked away.

Dru held back a chuckle. She already liked that girl.

"I think that Julian, Emma, Diana, Helen and I will talk in private now."

Aline turned to the three younger shadowhunters.

"You can go now," Helen smiled behind her.

Dru heard Mercy growling something that sounded a little bit like "I don't want to go.".

"Come on," Kit grinned and dragged his friend with him.

Dru followed him with her eyes.

She couldn't help thinking about her encounter with him in front of Ty's door. He had almost destroyed the door by knocking at it. The desperation in his eyes had caused Dru to think about the fight between Ty and Kit again. She didn't know what had happened but she knew that it had caused Ty to leave her.

Dru followed the two friends quietly. Kit and Mercy seemed very close and Dru wondered if she was some sort of replacement for Ty. At the same time, she knew that Kit would never replace Ty. Also, Mercy was nothing like Ty. 

Dru made her way to her room.

"I'd like to spend some time alone, alright?"

She stopped as she heard Kit ask that question. He sounded melancholicly and Dru was sure that he was still thinking about Ty and the encounter at his room.

"Are you alright?" Dru had only know Mercy for an hour or so but she hadn't thought that the girl could sound as soft and caring as she did now. There was so much love in her voice that it ached to listen at it.

Dru was always the one who was left behind. First, it had been Helen and Mark. Later, she had lost Livvy and then Kit and Ty who had even left her without being forced to. And it was really painful that people were always going without even wondering how Dru would feel about it. Because she felt terrible. Dru couldn't lose another person close to her. She felt like it would break her into pieces.

"Yeah," Kit mumbled, "I just need a little time for myself. A lot of stuff I remember is really tiring,"

Dru heard him sigh and she leaned against the wall and forced herself not to look around the corner and watch Mercy and Kit.

For a second, she wondered if Kit and Mercy were in a romantic relationship but it was kind of hard to imagine. They seemed less like lovers and more like friends.

"Alright. But tell me if I can help you."

There was a long silence before Dru heard a closing door.

She decided that it was the right time to walk around the corner.

But Dru stopped right in her movement when she saw Mercy standing in front of the door and staring at it, almost like Kit had done it with Ty's.

Mercy closed her eyes and Dru heard her sigh quietly.

"By the angel," the british girl muttered, "this is really tiring."

Dru cleared her throat and Mercy turned to her.

"Hey," she smiled and scratched her neck.

"Hi." Dru eyed her suspiciously. "Would you maybe like to meet my friends?"

Dru was almost as surprised as Mercy because of that question.

"I was going to see them and you wanted to LA. They'd like to meet you."

A wide smile appeared on Mercy's face and it seemed to be honest and real this time.

"I'd love to." Dru smiled back at her.

"Great. I'll change into something more comfortable before I go. I'll knock at your door when I leave."

"Cool. I'll go into my room then." 

Dru smiled as she heard Mercy chuckle nervously. The girl's cheeks turned bright red and she turned around.

"See you!" she called over her shoulder and ran towards her room.

Dru thought that she had heard a joyful but quiet "Yes!" but she could've been wrong.

Chapter Text

Mercy was tapping her fingers on the table and humming a melody.

"Are you nervous?" Dru asked amusedly and Mercy's head jerked up.

"No, not at all," she claimed and Dru smirked. Mercy blushed

"Alright, maybe I am."

"You don't have to be." Dru noticed that Mercy stopped tapping her finger. "They're really nice."

"I just want to make a good impression. It's some sort of  a Goldheart-thing." Mercy grinned and Dru nodded.

"Thais said that she would be here at any minute."

Mercy nodded. "Cool," she muttered and continued to tap her fingers.

Dru observed her closely as she moved her fingers.

Mercy's gaze was moing through the room and she seemed to avoid looking at someone.

Dru and her friends had wanted to meet in a fancy new café that had opened one or two months ago called "Starlatte". A werewolf pack was leading it and one of Dru's friends was part of the pack. That was the reason why the small group always got a great place to sit.

"It's nothing big. Really." Dru gazed over her shoulder to see if one of her friends had already arrived.

"Sure." Mercy took a deep breathe. "So, you like horror movies?"

A wide grin appeared on her face and Dru felt her cheeks heat up.

"Yeah." Dru glanced at Mercy who seemed to expect that she'd say something. "Have you watched one?"

She knew that the shadowhunters in Los Angeles were less apart from the mundane world than others and Dru couldn't tell if Mercy and Kit had watched mundane films together and something like that or if the shadowhunters in Devon were incredibly strict when it came to mundanes.

"Kit made me watch two." Mercy seemed to think about the titles. "Sixth Sense and The Deadly Bees."

"I like that one," Dru remarked, "It's great. I used to watch it with earrings that looked like bees."

Mercy smiled brightly. "I didn't watch it to the end because of my parents," she told Dru, "I had to go home in the middle of the movie. But we could maybe watch it together."

"Sure," Dru said, "I'd like that."

It was quiet. Mercy started to tap her fingers on the table again and Dru looked down at the dark wood of their table.

"Dru!"

The known and joyful voice of Dru's friend Thais let Dru and Mercy's heads jerk up.

Thais was originally from Brazil but her parents and her had moved to Los Angeles because of the circumstances with the cohort and the clave-in-exil. They wanted to have their daughter live a life near shadowhunters who were less hostile towards downworldlers and shadowhunters who didn't hate them and Los Angeles was a perfect place for that.

"Hey, Thais." Dru made space for her friend. "That's Mercy. She is in Los Angeles because of her travel year."

"Hello, Mercy."

Said one smiled nervously. "Hi." She waved slightly.

"Since when are you in Los Angeles?" Thais asked and Dru was glad that her friend tried to get to know Mercy.

"Today," Mercy said and Dru could see that she calmed down a little. Thais nodded and smiled.

"Los Angeles is very nice, isn't it?" 

"Indeed," Mercy answered, "Less cold than Devon."

"Oh, you're from Britain?" Thais wanted to know and Mercy nodded.

"Yep. I live in the institute of Devon. I came here with my friend Kit."

Thais frowned.

"Isn't Kit that guy who was friends with your brother?" she asked Dru.

Dru nodded and bit her lip. She trusted Thais a lot and she had told her a lot of things like her feelings and something like that. And Dru had also said a few bad things about Ty and Kit because she had been mad at them for leaving. She didn't want these things to get to Mercy.

She saw that Mercy tensed up too. Was it because Thais had mentioned Kit or because she had mentioned Ty?

"Mhm," Dru hummed.

"Are you from Los Angeles?" Mercy asked Thais and Dru was very thankful that they could change the subject.

"No, I'm from Rio in Brazil." Thais smiled kindly.

"Oh, that sounds cool as well." Mercy lay her head slightly aside. "Why did you move to Los Angeles? Are you here for your travel year, too?"

"No," Thais answered, "My parents don't like the view of the brazil shadowhunters when it comes to downwordlers. We were some sort of outcasts and my parents wanted me to grow up with a good environment."

Mercy's face darkened and she nodded.

"Yes. It's sad that a lot of people are still so obsessed with seperating the shadowhunters from the downworldlers."

Dru didn't know why but it seemed like they had just started another conversation that made Mercy feel uncomfortable. Dru was sure that it wasn't because she hated downworlderls. That would make no sense because she had also come to LA where the founder of Livia's Watch lived. But something made Mercy feel bad when they talked about downworldlers and shadowhunters.

"Where's Kilian?" Dru wondered to distract Thais from Mercy's obvious insecurities.

Dru looked around. Then, she noticed the dark-skinned boy at one of the tables, serving drinks. 

"Didn't he say that he didn't have to work today?"

Thais shrugged. "His pack changes his work times every five seconds."

Dru glanced at Mercy who seemed to search for the person they were talking about.

"Who's Kilian?" she asked.

"The one who's walking towards us." Dru didn't want to point at someone. "With the dark skin and the dark hair."

Mercy nodded. "I see," she said, "Is he one of your friends?"

"Yep." 

"Hi, guys." Kilian stopped at their table, the tablet under his arm and a slight smile on his lips. "Sorry but my boss said that I had to work."

He scratched his neck. 

"I'm Kilian, by the way," he remarked as he noticed Mercy.

"Mercy Goldheart." The british shadowhunter showed the hint of a smile. "I'm here because of my travel year. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too." Kilian gazed at the kitchen. "I have to go now. I'll come to see you when I can finally go."

He rolled his eyes and walked away.

"His pack leads this café." Dru turned to Mercy. "They do it to pay for apartments for the younger ones of them."

"So, he's a werewolf?" Mercy wondered and Dru nodded.

"Cool."

Silence. Mercy looked at Dru and Dru looked around the room to overcome the weird atmosphere.

"Isn't that your friend from Mexico?" 

Dru's head jerked up as she heard Thais' question.

She looked in the direction of Thais' gaze and saw a familiar shadowhunter with black hair, dark eyes and tattoos over his body.

"Jaime!" Dru blurted out and ran towards him.

"Hey, Dru." He smiled at her with that mischevious and wonderful smile that Dru would probably never be tired of.

She hugged him tightly.

"It's great to see you again."

Jaime and Dru had kept the contact when he hadn't been in Los Angeles. They had sent fire-messages to each other and called each other. Jaime had also visited Dru a few times. Dru was always happy when he did that.

"Your brother said that I'd find you here."

They pulled away and Dru couldn't help smiling like an idiot.

"My friends and I sit over there," she told him, "You can join us."

"I'd love to."

Dru led Jaime to their table and he sat down next to Mercy.

"Mercy, that's Jaime. My friend from Mexico."

Mercy smiled at Jaime but Dru was sure that she had seen disappointment shining in her eyes.

《☆》

Kit sat in the kitchen when Dru and Mercy came back from their meeting with Dru's friends.

She sat down in front of Kit and he looked from Dru to Mercy and back to Dru.

"I guess that you had a great day:" Kit glanced at Mercy and she tapped her nose.

Kit frowned. Tapping their nose had become their sign for "I can't tell you what's going on and I have to act like everything is okay but please talk to me when we're alone.".

Kit wondered what could've happened. Dru seemed to be very happy and he couldn't imagine that something had happened to both of them. Kit would beat up every shadowhunter, werewolf or whatever person who had said something mean to Mercy. 

"It was a great day," Dru agreed, "Do you remember Jaime?"

Kit heard Mercy sigh next to him, barely loud enough for him to hear.

"That's that guy from Mexico, isn't he?"

"Yep," Mercy said and Kit wondered what Jaime had done to her to make her feel bad.

"He is in LA and he came to the café."

Dru smiled even wider and Kit gazed at Mercy who leaned back in her chair and didn't seem to be that glad that Jaime was back in Los Angeles again.

"Cool." Kit nodded slowly. "I bet you were happy to see him."

Kit and Mercy exchanged a quick look. Mercy nodded slightly and Kit looked back at the table.

"Clary!"

The loud scream made Kit's head jerk up.

"What the hell was that?" he said and looked at Mercy who seemed as clueless as he did.

"Our guest woke up," Dru claimed and all three of them ran in the direction of the room where Theodosia Silverstorm was lying in her bed.

Theodosia sat straight up in her bed and her mouth was wide open as if she was screaming.

The same expression of shock and horror as Kit had seen on her in the morning was written on her face.

"She's not supposed to be awake, isn't she?" Mercy asked. "Didn't Aline say that she should actually sleep for a long time."

"Don't come closer," Theodosia hissed and jumped out of her bed, "I dare you!"

"Relax," Kit said, "We're not going to hurt you."

"We're shadowhunters," Mercy added, "Like you. Whoever hurt you can't come here. You're save."

Theodosia's gaze switched from Mercy to Kit and back to Mercy.

"I don't believe you." Her hands were shaking and Kit could see how afraid she was. "You want to hurt me. You want to kill me."

"Aline!" Kit yelled, "We could use some help!"

"We can do this alone as well," Dru claimed, "You just need to calm down, Theodosia."

She made a step towards the girl.

"I'm Dru Blackthorn. And I'm not the person who hurt you, alright?"

Theodosia blinked and nodded.

"Your ears are normal. Not pointed. Normal."

She took a deep breathe and shook her head as if she was trying to shake off her fear.

"I'm sorry. I was just-"

Her lids flattered and Theodosia fell onto her knees.

"Are you okay?" Kit asked and walked to Dru. 

"Yeah, sorry, it's just that I can't - I couldn't -"

She started to cry.

Kit hated it when people cried. He never knew what to do. He didn't even know what to do when he cried. And when other people cried, he was even more helpless.

"Aline! Helen!" he yelled again and Mercy went next to him. She walked around the bed and sat down next to Theodosia.

"You're going to be okay," she said quietly. Kit raised an eyebrow at the sight of Mercy comforting someone. He didn't know that she could do that. Mercy had helped him to relax a few times but she hadn't comforted him because he had never cried or something like that.

"Whatever happened is over. We can help you now."

Dru sat down on Theodosia's left but she left more distance between them.

"Aline and Helen can help you," she asured Theodosia.

"Okay." Theodosia inhaled deeply. "Okay."

She got on her feet again, tears streaming down her face, and lay back onto the bed.

"Thank you," she said.

Before Theodosia could close her eyes again, Aline finally arrived.

"She's awake," Kit explained and noticed how high-pitched his voice was sounding.

"You should leave," Aline told the younger shadowhunters, "I'll do that alone."

Dru nodded and left the room on her own. Mercy walked towards Kit and he could feel the back of her hand brushing against his. They left the room together and Kit was thankful for her existence.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked and he nodded.

"That'd be nice."

Chapter Text

Mercy felt awful. Her head ached and she felt like she hadn't slept at all even though she had slept at least eight hours.

She sighed and sat down at the table in the kitchen of the institute. Kit had told her that the Blackthorns would have breakfast together and she really didn't want to look as tired and exhausted as she did now when she would eat with the Blackthorns, especially Dru.

Mercy tended to give her heart away very quickly. If she found someone who she liked, she would always be very emotional about that person. She wasn't in love with Dru or something like that but she really wanted Dru to like her. 

Mercy guessed that she always wanted to find people to love and like because she didn't have a good relationship with her parents and her brother. Her parents had always judged and critized her but when Mercy had discovered that she wasn't totally straight AND that she didn't hate downworldlers, they disowned her. Her brother had left three years ago and they had had a big fight before he did.  Mercy and her brother had always had a lot of differences and arguments and he had never taken her seriously. She wanted him to like her and he had laughed at her or simply ignored her.

And that was, in Mercy's opinion, the reason why she was so obsessed with being loved. And when Dru and Thais had talked about people who hated downworldlers it had made Mercy feel terrible, almost as terrible as Dru's expression when that Jaime-guy had appeared and destroyed Mercy's hope to find someone who she could stay with. 

She had talked with Kit about Jaime and he had questioned her feelings towards Dru but he hadn't judged her. It was alright. After that, he had told her that Ty had gone to the scholomance. Mercy had hugged him very tightly and she had seen the tears shining in his eyes as they had pulled away again.

"Good morning." Dru's voice let Mercy come back to the present. Her head jerked up and she looked at Dru who seemed to be as happy as she was the day before.

"Hello," Mercy muttered and yawned quietly.

"Haven't you slept enough?" Dru asked and Mercy snorted.

"I've slept very well. I just can't stand waking up," Mercy responded sharply.

She glared at Dru even though the girl had done nothing except liking Jaime and greeting her.

"Sorry." Dru sat down in front of Mercy.

Mercy growled.

"Do you want some coffee?" Dru wondered amusedly and Mercy nodded.

She was too tired and her mood was too bad to remember that she should've said 'please'.

Dru got up and Mercy watched her as she made both of them a coffee.

"Are you still up to watching The Deadly Bees?" Dru wanted to know.

"Mhm," Mercy made and tried not to open her mouth and respond in a mean and grumpy way.

"Are you always like that when you wake up?"

Dru didn't seem to be bothered by Mercy's behaviour. She just kept on making the coffee.

"Like what?" Mercy hissed, "I am a ray of sunshine."

Dru snorted and Mercy stuck her tongue out at the Blackthorn.

"Did you just -", Dru started and Mercy crossed her arms.

"Did I what?"

"Nevermind." Dru seemed more than just amused by Mercy's childish behaviour.

She returned to the table and set a mug with coffee in front of Mercy.

"Thanks," she hummed and took a sip of the hot liquid.

The coffein ran through her veins and Mercy felt a little better.

"I guess you shouldn't talk to me before I had my first coffee," she muttered.

"Really?" Dru said sarcastically. 

Mercy took a sip of her coffee.

"Sorry for being mean," she said, "I always get a little grumpy without my morning coffee."

"No problem." Dru shrugged and sat down in front of her. "But can I ask you a question?" 

Mercy tensed up. Did Dru notice her weird actions when she was around? Did she notice Mercy's tension when she and Thais had talked about the downworldlers? Did she notice anything?

"It's nothing bad," Dru promised.

Mercy eyed her suspiciously. She really didn't want to tell Dru what was going on in her mind or at home. She also didn't want to tell Dru why she had reacted so weird when it came to Jaime. Another thing she didn't want to tell Dru was why she had gone to LA.

"Alright," she said slowly.

No, not alright. There were a lot of questions that could get Mercy into a hell of a mess.

"You and Kit are friends, right?"

Mercy relaxed and took another sip of her coffee. It was a question about Kit, nothing that could hurt her in any way.

"Yeah, we're besties." That answer did indeed hurt her. It was too stupid to not blush as furiously as Mercy did after she had blurted out the word 'besties'.

"Okay," Dru said amusedly, "Did he tell you why he left?"

Mercy nodded slowly and drank the rest of her coffee.

"And why did he leave?"

"That's not my secret to tell," Mercy answered, "You should ask him but I doubt that he is going to tell you what happened."

Dru seemed to be very unsatisfied by that answer.

"You can ask me something else," Mercy suggested without thinking, "As a reward."

Again, she felt the need of slapping herself. She had never acted this obsessed with being liked when she was around Kit. She and Kit had always been friends and she never had the feeling like she had to do anything to make him like her. They were friends and they loved each other platonically. And Mercy hadn't even in the beginning tried so hard.

Maybe that was because the way they had met had made them enemies for five hours, until they had laughed about a silly joke Mercy had made. Maybe it was because they had met before Mercy's parents had disowned her and her brother had left. Maybe she hadn't been that desperate for love back then.

"Why are you in Los Angeles?"

Mercy should've known that such a question would follow.

"Because it's nice," she tried and searched for an explanation that actually made sense.

"I like the atmosphere and the weather. Also, I always wanted to meet Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn."

Dru seemed to be satisfied by that answer.

Also, I couldn't spend more time with my family and I didn't want to meet more people like them. That's why.

They sat in front of each other in silence and none of them said a word. Mercy looked down on her hands and she wondered what was going on with her lately.

Her soul was tearing apart slowly and she could do nothing but watch and feel her heart break into pieces.

《☆》

Kit was right on time. He wasn't always right on time, mostly too late but sometimes a little too early. That morning, he was right on time.

Kit had woken up, got dressed and when he went to the kitchen to have breakfast with the other shadowhunters of the Los Angeles Institute, he arrived right with Aline and Julian who had been the one who were responsible for the food three years ago.

"Good Morning," Mercy greeted the three kindly and Kit saw how amused Dru looked. She must've met Mercy at her grumpy morning mood.

"Morning," Kit responded and sat down next to Tavvy who smiled at him.

Kit noticed how much the boy had grown. He should be ten by now and he was way taller than the last time Kit had seen him. Tavvy looked incredibly similiar to Julian and Kit wondered if all of the Blackthorn kids would just look the same when they were fully grown.

He remembered the day when even Ty had looked exactly like Julian for a few seconds. Even though Ty had looked gorgeous, Kit prefered him when he looked like Ty. Because Ty was the most beautiful when he was himself.

Smooth, he thought by himself.

"I made fritata," Helen smiled and Kit couldn't help smirking.

He remembered when Aline had slammed a pan with fritata on the table and yelled at the Blackthorns for being mean to Helen. Cristina had apologized even though she had done nothing at all and Ty and Kit had disappeared to work on Ty's plan to get back Livvy.

KIt sighed. That plan had ruined everything. 

"Thank you, Helen," Mercy responded.

Dru looked at her.

"Do you thank your parents when they cook something for you?" She smirked teasingly. "Is that some sort of british thing?"

Mercy looked onto her plate. Kit knew that her parents were a very sensitive subject and yesterday had only asured him of that.

"Yeah," Mercy answered, "It's a british thing."

"Well, you're welcome," Helen responded.

"What's up with that Theodosia girl, by the way?" Kit asked incidentally.

Mercy and Dru glanced at Aline. All three of them seemed to be very curious about the shadowhunter who had arrived at the institute the day before.

"She sleeps." Aline gazed at her wife. "We messaged the clave. We will probably have a visit of centurions."

Kit snorted. The last time centurions had been in Los Angeles, everything had gone down. Zara Dearborn and her annoying friends had become Kit, Livvy and Ty's puzzle and mission. It could've been funny if the whole affair with the centurions didn't end with a giantic war and a dead Livvy.

"They got better," Diana said, "After the fight against the cohort, a lot of things changed at the scholomance."

Kit looked at Mercy. He wanted to see if she made a funny or pejorative face. 

She looked like she was going to throw up alone at the thought of the scholomance.

Kit grinned but then he remembered that Mercy hadn't even been in Los Angeles at the time of the fight against the cohort.

"Do you know any centurions?" Julian asked Mercy and her head jerked up.

"Not really." She shook her head but Kit could see that she was lying. The way she bit her lip and the uncomfortable look in her eyes showed him.

"I just don't like the cohort."

"Honestly," Emma started, "Who likes the cohort except the cohort?"

"That doesn't even make sense," Kit commented, "People who don't like the cohort aren't part of the cohort. So, no one except the cohort likes the cohort."

"When did you become smart?" Emma teased him and Kit smirked.

"Maybe, Ty is coming too," Dru interrupted Kit's and Emma's teasing conversation.

Kit tensed up. If Ty came, he would probably die right at the spot or wish that he could die. He wanted to see Ty again but at the same time, Kit just wanted to never see Ty again. That didn't even make sense and he knew that but it was just the way he felt about the boy who had glued his heart together and ripped it apart right after.

And soon, the thought of silver eyes, long lashes, raven hair and precious smiles was all over Kit's mind and he could do nothing to get Ty out of his head. There was no way that he'd ever get over him.

It would always be Ty and Ty and only Ty.

Always.

Chapter Text

Kit closed his eyes. It was comfortably quiet around him and he enjoyed to stay as he was right now without moving at all.

He was lying on the sand if the beach which wasn't too hot or too cold but just right.

For the first time in forever he felt calm and relaxed.

His thoughts weren't haunted by people who had hurt him, doubts and anger at himself and his heart didn't ache for Ty or because he was so alone. Everything felt just fine and Kit could just hope that it wouldn't change that fast.

He exhaled deeply.

The sun was shining on his face in a really nice way and it was calm enough for him to hear the waves and his own breathe, calm and steady for the first time ever since he had gone to Devon. 

"Kit!"

A voice that Kid hadn't heard vor years made Kit open his eyes and sit up. He couldn't help staring at the person who was walking towards him. 

He could recognize the silver eyes, the black hair and the headphones around his neck even from hundred feet away.

Kit jumped onto his feet.

His heart flattered and he felt butterflies in his stomach, almost driving him insane. But the thing that drove him insane the most was the fact that he and Ty were still seperated and ten feet apart.

Kit felt like he was in some sort of cheesy romantic comedy as he started running towards Ty but he didn't even really care. The only thing that mattered was Ty, Ty and his eyes that stared into Kit's soul. Ty and the way he smiled, a smile that lit up Kit's world whenever it appeared. A smile that Kit had burned into the back of his head and a smile that was unforgettable, at least for Kit.

"Ty!"

God, this was getting even more cheesy with every second.

But who cared? Kit was finally able to see the one again who he loved even though he had hated the fact that he loved Ty for a long time. But now, as they were getting closer with any step Kit took, Kit couldn't see why he had ever hated that.

When he arrived in front of Ty, he stopped abruptly, with a heartbeat that couldn't be normal.

"Hey," he said and a wide smile appeared on Kit's face. He couldn't even control it.

"Hi," Ty seemed as glad as Kit.

"I missed you." Kit gazed from Ty's eyes to his lips.

"I missed you too." Ty didn't seem to be as keen on kissing Kit as Kit was on kissing Ty.

He wasn't just keen on kissing Ty, he needed it. His body ached for it. But not in a bad way. Kit had never felt that alive in his whole life. He had never felt that addicted to a person, that full of love.

"May I kissed you?" he blurted out. Some part of him knew that Ty would probably just say "no" but the other part, and that part was stronger this time, didn't care. The other part of him just wanted to kiss Ty until he couldn't breathe anymore.

Ty didn't answer. He just leaned down to Kit until Kit could feel Ty's breathe against his lips.

"Yes," he muttered quietly and his long lashes brushed against Kit's cheek as Ty closed his eyes.

Kit connected their lips and when they touched, he felt a firework inside of his stomach. It felt like his whole heart was burning and freezing at the same time. His eyes closed immediately and he wrapped his arms around Ty's neck.

《☆》

Kit's head jerked up and he noticed that he sat straight up in his bed.

"God, no," he breathed and ran his hands through his hair.

His heart was still racing as fast as before when he had kissed Ty.

No, when he had dreamed about kissing Ty.

A cheesy dream, by the way.

"What was that?" Kit asked himself and let himself fall back into his pillows.

He lay his hand onto his chest and he could feel his heartbeat against his hand.

"Dang," Kit muttered and bit his lip. He didn't even notice when it started to bleed.

"I thought -," he started but interrupted himself. He hadn't thought anything. The only thing he had thought about had been Ty. Again.

"Get out of my head," Kit whispered even though he wanted to shout it, loud enough for Ty to hear it even though he was in the Scholomance.

"Get out of my head," Kit repeated, his voice was shaking and he was quite surprised that it hadn't broken while he had talked.

"Get out of my head," Kit whimpered and hid his face behind his hands. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't dream and think of Ty all the time but not being able to see him or touch him or talk to him. The only thing that he had ever wanted was that Ty liked him and that Ty was happy. So, actually, he had only wanted two things. One of these things was probably even happening. Ty was happy, Kit was sure that Ty was happy.

Please, be happy.

Kit closed his eyes and held back a desperated scream that was building in his throat.

"I hate this," he hummed, "I hate that you haunt me."

He was fully aware that Ty wasn't here with him and he was also fully aware that he would've seemed like a psychopath to someone who didn't know him but Kit didn't care. If he couldn't talk to Ty, he would act like he was talking to Ty even though Ty wasn't here.

"That is your fault," he kept on talking to Ty who wasn't there.

"I wouldn't feel that bad if you weren't that nice. Why couldn't you be an asshole or someone I could never-" The last word was stuck in his throat and Kit sighed.

"I told you how I felt but you couldn't say anything about it. You acted like I was the one who hurt the other one. But you hurt me."

Kit talked while he got up and dressed himself.

"I wish that you would just disappear from my memory and my thoughts. Just stay away, you know."

Kit said all the things he would've said to Ty if Ty had opened the door when Kit had knocked.

"Kit?" 

Kit's head jerked up and he quickly pulled his shirt over his head before he went to open the door.

"Yes?" he answered.

Mercy stood in front of his door, raised eyebrows and a slightly worried expression on her face.

"Are you alright?" she wanted to know.

"Sure," Kit responded and shrugged his shoulders.

"You slept after the breakfast and you only got up now." Mercy studied him from head to toe. "Dru said that she had knocked on the door at twelve am or something like that but you just shouted at her and made a weird noise. When I knocked yesterday evening, you were asleep on the floor, with your legs on your desk. I had to drag you to your bed while you were saying that guy's name."

Kit noticed that his friend was trying not to mention Ty for his sake. He was thankful that she did but it was too late already. Ty was back even though Kit thought that he might have never been gone.

"It's the way how I deal with my feelings," he defended himself. But he was still a little shocked that he had really slept that long. He guessed that it was around one pm and it was quite embarrassing that he hadn't got up until now.

"Doesn't really work, does it?" Mercy asked dryly.

Kit snorted. "Why are you here?"

"The centurions will arrive in a few seconds and Aline said -" A grin appeared on her face. "- and I quote, she said that "he should get over yourself and whatever weird stuff he's dealing with and get his butt downstairs or I'm going to throw that lazy guy out." That's what she said."

Kit grinned. "I'm dressed and I'm looking good. I'm pretty sure that we can go downstairs now."

Mercy snorted and Kit stepped out of his room. He closed the door and playfully put an arm around Mercy's shoulder.

"Let's go, my dear."

He faked a british accent and Mercy glared at him.

One time, he had told her that she didn't act and talk like a british person. After that, Mercy had started to use "ya", "bloody" and "mate" in almost every sentence and she had drunk tea whenever they had met. She had carried a small can of tea with her, even for the patrols. It had been hilarious.

Mercy and Kit walked downstairs and Kit could tell that Mercy knew that he wasn't quite alright. He was glad that she didn't say anything because Kit really wasn't in the mood to talk about Ty. He wanted to talk about butterflies or cake but not about Ty and why he felt that bad.

When Kit arrived downstairs, he heard a lot of different voices talking jumbly. All of them were quite loud and he could hear the happiness and excitement out of how they were talking.

"What's going on?" Kit wondered and Mercy shrugged her shoulders.

"Who knows," she said and they entered the room where the family was standing in a circle around someone else.

The person was quite tall but Kit couldn't see their face. Only black hair that reminded him of Ty's.

No, he though, forget him.

Suddenly, the family made room and they split up, so that Kit could see the centurion's face.

Kit's heart stopped beating for a few seconds. At least, that was how it felt for him.

He tried to look somewhere else but his eyes were drawn to the tall boy in front of him.

The boy let his gaze wander through the room and their eyes met.

Silver eyes looked into Kit's blue eyes and Kit couldn't help thinking something he had to ban from his head shortly after.

He got even more beautiful.

"Kit," mouthed Ty without any tone or noise leaving his lips.

He looked hurt and his expression darkened. Even though Kit had been pretty angry and upset back when he was in his room and talking to the imaginary Ty, he didn't feel any of this anymore. He could just feel his heart racing and his stomach turning upside down. He could feel how each and every thought in his head was taken away until he could only think Ty.

It seemed like the world was only revolving around them and time was stopping.

"I'm sorry for leaving without telling you," Kit said and Ty swallowed.

"It's alright."

They looked at each other and Kit wondered if his heart could beat out of his chest or just stop beating because of too much beating around Ty.

God, Kit could've never imagined that Ty could get even more beautiful.

But here he was, wiry as the most shadowhunters, with his wise and intense eyes, his messy raven hair and even taller than Kit had remembered him. His face had changed a little but it didn't look bad at all. He looked more mature and less like a teenager boy. His body was more trained and his lashes were still long and black and as perfect as the rest of Ty.

The short moment that they had, was interrupted by a loud gasp.

Kit's head jerked to his left and he saw Mercy's mouth shaped to a silent "oh" and her eyes reflected more emotions than Kit could count. Shock, anger and sadness were showing in her eyes and as he followed her gaze Kit saw a boy. 

The stranger stood slightly behind Ty. He had a serious expression on his face and didn't look very nice or funny. He had light brown hair and eyes as grey as Mercy's. Other than his serious expression and his light hair, he looked quite similiar to Mercy. Except his manly traits and her female ones, they looked almost the same.

"What-" Kit started but Mercy's angry and aggressive growl interrupted him.

"You," she hissed and Kit grabbed her wrist to stop her from killing the stranger with two very hard punches and kicks.

"Who are you?" he asked the boy. The stranger eyed Kit in a way that reminded Kit of Mercy even more.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Liam Goldheart."

Chapter Text

"So, that guy is your brother," Dru remarked, "What happened between you two?"

Mercy tensed up and shook her head in response. "I really don'T want to talk abou that now. Could we maybe change the subject?"

"Yeah, sure." Dru nodded almost furiously, causing Mercy to smile weakly. "After the patrol, do you want to come with me and meet my friends? Jaime, Kilian and Thais would surely be happy to see you." Mercy forced a smile on her lips and nodded. "Sounds great. Maybe that distracts me a little from the whole thing with my brother and Kit and Ty."

"Great." Dru seemed happy with that answer. 

"What is it with you and Jaime?" Mercy wondered, "Are you friends or in a distant relationship?" Dru looked away and Mercy guessed that she was blushing and trying to hide it. "No, we're just friends. We met each other three years ago. He hid in my bedroom because he wanted to talk to Cristina." Mercy frowned. "He hid in your bedroom?" Dru blinked. "Yes," she answered, "He hid in my bedroom. Mark tried to kill him when he found out about that."

Mercy grinned, really this time, as she imagined Jaime being attacked by a guy who once was part of the Wild Hunt.

"Do you, like, like him? Romantically?" Mercy wanted to know and Dru looked away again. It almost seemed as if she didn't want to admit any feeling that could show  any weakness and love would show that Jaime was her weakness. But Mercy knew that the person you loved wasn't just your weakness but also your strength. It was that person and only that one, who could bring you on your feet again and talk you into continuing to fight recklessly. This person would give you the strength to protect them and to fight like a hurricane.

"I'll take that as a yes," Mercy muttered and grinded her teeth. Maybe Jaime and Dru's other friends would distract her from the difficulties with her and her brother but they would only show her that she would never have a chance with Dru and that love was just painful and never good - especially not for Mercy. Mercy was always the one who suffered from love. And that would probably never change.

"Did you know that Jaime wants to talk to Helen and Aline about moving to the institute?" Dru asked, changing the subject, "He wants to stay longer than just a week, maybe a year or more. Isn't that great?" 

Mercy's mood got worse with every word Dru said.

"Sure," she lied, "Great."

The only thing great was the weather. The sun shone on them while cold breezes regulated the hot temperature. But neither the fact Dru liked Jaime romantically, the fact that Liam was in LA or the fact that Jaime would move in the institute was great. All of these things were just terrible.

"Do you think Liam and Ty will stay for a long time?" Mercy glanced at Dru, surprised because of the sudden change of the subject. The expression in the younger girl's face showed her that Dru was worried that her brother would just disappear again and that she would have to watch him leave. 

Mercy felt sorry for Dru. The girl had probably watched enough people go, either to death, in exil or to a dangerous mission. She knew that Dru had lost her mother at a young age, her father when she was eight and her sister when she was thirteen. When she was eight, Helen and Mark disappeared and when she was thirteen Kit and Ty left, Kit without telling her or saying goodbye. Mercy knew how anxious a person could become after that much loss.

"I don't know," Mercy answered after a while, "Depends on how complicated the whole thing with Theodosia Silverstorm is, I guess. When they send the Scholomance, it has to be more than just something small, don't you think so?" Dru nodded but she didn't say anything.

"Hm," Dru made, "Maybe." She shrugged her shoulders.

Mercy sighed. "It's quite calm here," she said, "I mean, in relation to demons and stuff. I haven't seen anything that would be against the rules."  "Yet," Dru growled, "You can never be careful enough."

"Trust me," Mercy answered, "I know about careful."

She sighed and turned to Dru. "Maybe I should go back to the institute when we're ready. I don't feel well at all." 

Mercy really didn't feel well. Two hours had passed since her brother had introduced himself to the Blackthorns and she had stormed off and hidden in her room until Dru had told her that they needed to go on patrol. Even though she should have calmed down, Mercy was even more upset than before. She just wanted to lock herself in her room, throw something so hard that it made a loud, satisfying noise and cry her eyes out. Mercy wanted to scream and shout until she wasn't able to say anything anymore. She wanted to get that pain, sorrow and reckless anger out of her mind, soul and body. But here she was, on patrol with Dru who only made everything worse with her feelings for Jaime and the fact that that boy would maybe move in the institute.

"As you said, meeting my friends would be a good distraction," Dru disagreed, "Jaime really wanted to talk to you again."

Mercy felt the need to growl. Jaime. She couldn't hear that name anymore.

"And I don't want you to feel bad," Dru added, "You're quite nice and it won't be funny if you and Kit feel down the whole year long. And since I don't know how to cheer Kit up, I will try to make you feel better."

Mercy sighed. She hated it that she felt as if she had to make Dru like her. She hated it that the smile Dru showed her, made her want to do anything for the girl who was totally in love with someone else. But even though Mercy hated it that she was so dependent on Dru's mood and opinion on her, she still couldn't say no what made her hate it even more.

"Okay." Mercy sighed deeply. "But if you really want to see me happy, I'll need waffles and a milkshake."

《☆》

Kit knew how bad he probably looked. His hair was totally messy but not in that attractive kind of way that had caused a girl in Devon to give him her number. No, more flustered and scruffy like someone who absolutely didn't care about his looks. Even though he had slept very look, his eyes looked pale and tired back at him as he took a look in the mirror. His face was even paler than usual and Kit sighed a little. He ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breathe.

"Now or never," he muttered to himself and walked out of his room in the direction of the library. Kit had passed the last two hours, trying to make himself look good again but actually he just stood in front of the mirror and sighed a lot. He hadn't actually wanted to make himself look better, he had just wanted to avoid the conversation  he had planned to have with Ty. But Kit knew that he would never talk to Ty again if he didn't do it now.

In front of the library, Kit stopped and inhaled deeply. He shook his hands and jogged on the spot to calm himself down.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kit spun around on his heels, seeing Emma and Julian standing in front of his. Emma raised an eyebrow at him, with an amused grin on her face while Julian seemed to hide that he was chuckling about Kit's weird movement. "I'm relaxing," Kit claimed and Emma started laughing.

"Ty's in there, right?" Kit asked, causing Julian and Emma to exchange a glance. "Yup," Emma answered, "He wanted to read something after he took a look at Theodosia." Kit nodded. "Thanks." Emma just nodded in response and the two shadowhunters walked away, leaving Kit alone.

As he faced the door, someone opened it almost violently and slammed it against his face. "Ow!" Kit exclaimed and saw Liam Goldheart standing in front of him. The boy looked totally shocked and held a hand in front of his mouth. "Sorry," he said, "I didn't want to -" 

"It's okay," Kit muttered and held a hand under his nose that was bleeding furously. "I don't think that you broke anything." Except Mercy.

Kit didn't like her brother. Not that he had talked to the centurion yet, but he had seen the look in Mercy's eyes. He had seen how hurt she was and he knew that it was because of that guy. Whatever this Liam-dude had done to her, it had been bad and Kit wouldn't forgive him until Mercy would tell him that he had begged on his knees for Mercy to forgive him. Kit was fully aware that Mercy's parents weren't the nicest people on this planet and she deserved at least one nice person in her family who would apologize.

"Here." Liam handed Kit a handkerchief. "You're Kit, right?"

Kit nodded. "Yes." He then walked around Liam, leaving him there, and he entered the library.

When the door closed, Kit immediately noticed Ty. The tall boy sat between two bookshelves, his eyes drawn to the pages of a book, headphones around his neck and a magic cube next to him. He seemed so concentrated and focused on his book that Kit almost turned around and left Ty in the library. But he knew that he couldn't always run away from his problems, even if he wanted to.

Instead, Kit now cleared his throat. Ty's head jerked up and their eyes met. Again, Kit felt two intuitive wants: first, to turn around and run away and second, to hug Ty tightly and tell him how much he had missed him and that he was still unbelievably in love with him.

In the end, Kit did none of these things. He just smiled at Ty and whiped away the blood under his nose with the handkerchief that was actually too soaked with blood to still use it. The corner of Ty's mouth twitched and Kit almost sighed in relief.

He walked up to Ty, now noticing a pale and silver person sitting next to him.

Livvy.

The ghost looked up to Kit and gave him a frown that was definetely meant to reproach him because of what he did three years ago. Kit blinked and slightly smiled at Livvy. He really wanted to speak to Ty alone and even though it was good to see her again, she reminded him even more of everything wrong that happened and she kept him from having a conversation with Ty.

Kit looked at Ty and Ty looked at Livvy. He whispered something and she nodded. Seconds later, Livvy had left the room and Kit and Ty were alone now.

"May I sit down?" Ty nodded in response.

Kit sat down in front of Ty.

They remained silent for a few seconds and Kit enjoyed even that. He enjoyed simply looking at Ty who was gazing at his hands and playing with a magic cube. He didn't look at Kit but KIt didn't mind. He didn't need anyone to look at him as long as he could look at Ty. 

Happiness and a nice warmth filled Kit's heart and he lay his head in an angle, observing Ty closely.

The boy seemed to be unsure about what to say and Kit noticed that his hands were shaking while playing with the magic cube.

"So," Kit began, "are we friends again, Sherlock?"

Ty bit his lip so hard that Kit was afraid he'd start to bleed. At the thought of blood, he quickly whiped away the blood that was now dripping on his t-shirt and jeans.

"You said that you wished we had never met," Ty reminded him quietly.

I also told you that I love you. Did you forget about that?

"I didn't mean it." Kit gazed at his hands and then back at Ty's. "I was upset because you didn't listen to me and because you put Livvy over me. But I should have expected that, shouldn't I? I mean, she's your twin and I was just someone. I'm sorry for saying that but I was mad and hurt and you acted like I had betrayed you and like I had been the one to just ignore you while you were trying to help me." 

"But you said that you would help me," Ty whispered, "You lied."

"I lied because I couldn't say no to you. I just wanted you to be happy but then I was afraid and saw that it was better to stop."

"You should have said the truth. If you had done that, we would've stayed together."

"I'm sorry. Really."

Ty looked at him with confusion, pain and hope in his eyes. The expression made Kit's heart ache. He didn't want to see Ty like that, unsure and hurt, especially not because of him.

"So, you want us to be friends again?" Ty wondered.

Kit nodded quickly.

"Yes. Definetely."

Or more than friends.

"I have to think about that," Ty muttered. Kit nodded.

"Take your time," he answered.

Ty looked at Kit and handed him another handkerchief.

"Shall I draw you a rune because of the bleeding?" Ty wanted to know and Kit had almost smiled as he heard the hint of worry in the boy's voice.

"No, thanks." 

They sat there in complete silence, Ty playing with the magic cube and Kit staring at him in awe and hoping that Ty would make a step closer to him and be his friend again. If Ty didn't love him, they could at least be friends. Kit wouldn't be able to live knowing that Ty didn't want to be friends with him.

No matter how often he told himself that he was mad at Ty, everytime he looked in those moon silver eyes, he had to forgive him.

There was no way that Kit would ever love someone else.

Not in thousand years.

Chapter Text

Mercy's heart felt light and warm as she arrived at the institute, Dru right by her side. The younger girl was laughing while Mercy giggled. Both of them had had a lot of fun even though Mercy had been sure that the meeting with Dru's friend would be terrible and only more frustrating than her day had already been.

Instead, she had had the pleasure to find out about Thais' obsession with Shakespeare and Kilian's habbit to laugh hysterically whenever someone very cute was flirting with him. Mercy had even talked to Jaime and he had promptly invited her to go to a bar in Los Angeles with him and Dru.

Dru had seemed more relaxed than usual and Mercy had to say that she started to admire Dru even more after seeing her funny and chill side that she had hidden when Mercy and Kit had arrived. Mercy was hundred percent sure that Dru was simply afraid of being left by others. So much, that she pushed everyone away. But that day, the girl had almost seemed like she simply forgot about pushing Mercy away.

"It was very nice,"  Mercy admitted, causing Dru to smirk widely.

"Told ya," the girl answered, mocking Mercy's british accent.

Mercy snorted in response without being able to smile like crazy. It was nice to feel so good after all the struggle she had had in the past years. Everytime when she got the chance to feel better, she took it, and everytime it felt like a huge burden was lifted from her chest only to fall down again after the joy was gone.

"Thank you for not letting me go back to the institute," Mercy smiled, "I would've spent the time pitying myself and that wouldn't have been half as great as the meeting with your friends."

Dru smiled back and for a second, ot felt like Mercy's heart had wings like a butterfly and those wings fluttered in her chest in a way that was comfortable and warming. She decided to keep the wide smile on her lips and look forward while the two girls walked in the direction of the stairs.

"I had a great time, too." Mercy felt flattered as she noticed how open Dru suddenly was around her. "I'd like to be your friend, Mercy."

The word "friend" in that context and spoken by Dru felt like torture for Mercy. Still, she didn't want to let all of the positive things she felt, get away. Instead, she nodded and let the back of her hand brush against Dru's.

"I'd like to be your friend as well, Dru."

It was silent between the two of them. No one said a word and Mercy almost knew that Dru was just trying to enjoy the short moment between them even if she only saw Mercy as a potential new friend.

"What do you think about Jaime?"

The question was random and came out of nowhere. Mercy's head jerked up and she looked at Dru with wide eyes. It wasn't like she didn't want to answer Dru's questions and talk to her. Mercy just didn't want to answer questions about Jaime.

"I think he's quite alright." Mercy shrugged her shoulders, fearing that her emotions towards Jaime had been busted. "Why do you ask?"

There was an uncomfortable tingle in her stomach, a tingle that you'd feel when you lied, when you forgot something but didn't know what or when someone came too close to you. That tingle made Mercy want to throw up and it was like the tingle would take in too much space inside of her for the joy to stay. The burden that she had only been able to lift up due to her happiness, crashed down onto Mercy's chest and for a short second, she felt like someone was choking her.

"I don't know," Dru responded, "I think that he likes you. I just wondered if you did too."

"He likes me?" Mercy really didn't mean to sound as disgusted and confused as she did.

"He seemed like he did."

Dru fortunately hadn't noticed the tone in Mercy's voice when the girl had reacted to Dru's statement. At least she didn't sound like she had noticed.

"Well, ain't I pretty cool?" Mercy cringed at her attempt to make a joke. "Sorry, that was stupid."

Dru's formerly wide smile had faded into a weak one. Mercy immediately felt bad and even a little guilty even though she hadn't done anything at all.

"However, I'm quite tired. See you tomorrow."

Mercy opened her mouth to say something but Dru was already walking upstairs, in the direction of her room.

The older girl sighed heavily and made her way upstairs as well. Somehow she managed to mess up everything she touched. Everytime when she came in contact with other shadowhunters or even normal people her age, she said something that hurt or angered them in some way. It only took a few minutes and Mercy was alone again. The only exception had been Kit who seemed to be the only one that Mercy could actually deal with, the only one Mercy hadn't hurt drastically.

"How long do we have to stay here?"

Mercy wrinkled her nose and immediately stopped walking when she heard that familiar voice that she couldn't listen to anymore. Liam.

"I don't know."

That was Ty, Tiberius Blackthorn. Mercy thought that he sounded a little gone, like he was far away with his thoughts but somehow had to focus on the conversation with Liam. 

Mercy pressed her back against the wall on her right side. She usually didn't do things like that but suddenly she felt the weird urge to stay where she was and listen to what the two centurions would say.

Mercy felt a little guilty for eavesdropping and spying on her brother but at the same time, she was too angry to actually care about his feelings and his privacy. He had broken her heart, had shattered it in thousand pieces and he had left her alone with only her parents who couldn't look at Mercy anymore without having disappointment and disgust reflecting in their eyes.

No, Mercy didn't care about Liam's feelings. He didn't care about hers either.

It was almost weird how fast an emotion Mercy felt could fade into another. It only took a word, an action or in this case a person to do so. The simple mentioning of Liam sent something through Mercy's veins that didn't even count as anger anymore. It was an unbelievable rage or maybe wrath that caused her to do things she would normally only do on a patrol or when it came to missions. Things like eavesdropping.

"May I ask you a question?" Liam was talking again. "How do you know that blond guy? Kim or something like that."

Mercy held back a growl. She felt herself tensing up and her hands clenching to fists.

"He lived here before I came to the Scholomance. We were friends. We are friends. And his name is Kit"

Mercy was glad that Kit had talked to Ty, and she promised herself to ask him about that the next day, but at the same time she felt weird about the term "friends" in relation to Kit. That word seemed to be a huge burden for both, Mercy and Kit. Both of them tried to find their way around that word but none of them even seemed to succeed.

"Mercy?"

The girl spun around on her heels as she heard the tired and a little confused voice that clearly belong to her best friend. Kit stood downstairs and looked at her in a way that showed that he clearly didn't understand what Mercy was doing on the stairs with her back pressed against the wall.

"Kit," Mercy hissed quietly, "Shush!"

"Huh?" Kit only lay his head slightly in an angle and eyed his friend closely.

"What are you doing there?" Thank god he spoke quiet now.

"I could ask you he exact same question, Mister!"

Mercy gesticulated wildly at Kit. He wore his pajamas which meant that he was wearing quite short sweatpants and nothing that covered his upper body.

"I was trying to sleep because I was tired but then I was thirsty."

Kit shrugged his shoulders and then smirked a little at Mercy.

"And what were you doing out of the institute so late, young lady?"

Mercy rolled her eyes at Kit but she couldn't help grinning a little.

"It isn't even that late. You're just going to sleep very early when you're lo-" Mercy didn't end the sentence but she wiggled her eyebrows to let Kit finish it in his head. It was now his turn to roll his eyes.

"Kit?"

Mercy and Kit shrugged together at the very same time. Mercy saw the corners of Kit's mouth twitch. She then turned around to face Tiberius Blackthorn and her brother. She gulped hardly and tried to stay calm.

That was harder said than done. Her heart was racing in her chest and she felt her eyes tearing up. At the same time she pressed her teeth against each other so hard that her jaw began to shake a little.

"I don't think I have introduced myself yet," Mercy said slowly, "I'm Mercy Goldheart."

Ty frowned while Liam's expression hardened. Had he simply not noticed that Mercy was his sister or had he tried to ignore it? 

"She's my sister," Liam muttered, "We haven't seen each other for a while."

Mercy snorted even though she really didn't want to.

"Yes, we haven't," she then said, "I think the last time was three years ago. The day when you left and by the way also rui-"

By the way also ruined my life.

The last words were still stuck in Mercy's throat. It hurt that she wasn't able to say them out loud due to many reasons. One of them was that she didn't want to make the situation even more awkward for Ty and Kit. Another one was that it was too painful to let the words go past her lips and remind her of everything that had happened three years ago.

"I think that we should all go to sleep." Liam didn't sound like he regretted anything. "I'm tired. Goodnight, Ty." He nodded in Mercy's direction and for a second, she felt like they were going to be okay. "Kit." With that he left and with that Mercy's hope crashed to the ground.

"Jerk," Kit murmured behind Mercy. She smiled weakly.

"Goodnight," Ty said as well. He left as well but Mercy almost didn't notice that.

It was silent for a few seconds. For a few seconds, she felt like she was drowning in an ocean of endless memories that she had wanted to bury years ago.

"Mercy?"

She was glad that she had a lifebelt. Oh, she had never been that glad to have Kit as her lifebelt.

"Yes?" Her voice was shaking in a way that made Mercy feel even more pathetic.

"Are you okay?"

Mercy wondered how it was possible that she could feel so much love for someone without being romantically attracted to them. She had always thought that love could only be felt in a romantic way but Kit had proved her wrong. He had proved her wrong so many times.

"I think so."

Kit probably knew that that was lie but Mercy didn't care.

"How about we go to sleep as well." Kit sounded almost careful, something that only happened rarely. "I'm tired."

"You're always tired, Kit."

Mercy turned around to him and forced a smile on her lips. Maybe she wasn't really talented in anything but one thing that she could do was to smile like she didn't feel a little dead inside.