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TJ walked slowly and dragged his feet as he made his way through the park, feeling the grass rip beneath the soles of his shoes. He’d been hanging out around the swings on and off for the last week, hoping to run into Cyrus with no luck. Today he decided to switch things up and wander aimlessly in the hopes of bumping into Cyrus, who swore over text that he wasn’t mad about costume day but never seemed to be around in person like he used to.
No denying it, things were weird between them and had been since costume day. It was as frustrating as it was hurtful. This was exactly what TJ was trying to avoid by changing costumes in the first place! After talking with Kira for the first time he realized a couples costume with Cyrus might send a certain message, namely that they were a couple, or that TJ wanted them to be a couple. Not that the latter is entirely inaccurate, but if that became obvious it would surely change what he and Cyrus had going. TJ wasn’t sure in what way it would change, but he knew he wasn’t ready to take that risk just yet. He’d never felt so close to another person before, never even dreamed to have the type of bond he and Cyrus share. Or, shared past tense, as it seemed now.
TJ sighed and shifted his gaze from his feet up to the world around him. He froze for a second in disbelief when he caught sight of the one person he’d been hoping to see.
There sat at a picnic table was Cyrus Goodman, forlornly scooping ice cream out of a paper cup. TJ wasn’t aware such an activity could be made forlorn but here he was witnessing it. He tried to steady himself and regain his confidence as he approached the table. It’s just Cyrus, he had nothing to be nervous about.
He alerted Cyrus to his presence with a “hey” as he slid into the seat next to him.
“Hey.” Cyrus mirrored TJ’s greeting and leaned back in his chair, looking at TJ with an expression TJ couldn’t quite read. If he had to guess he would say Cyrus looked cautious, the way a hiker might look if he happened upon a deer, as if he feared making the wrong move would scare TJ away.
Great. Just great, TJ. You tried to keep your friendship the same and look what happened, he’s afraid of you! Anything good, you just gotta ruin it, huh?
TJ gritted his teeth and gulped, willing his critical thoughts to stop monologuing about what a fuck up he was.
“Are you avoiding me?”
“Never.” Cyrus assured.
“Kinda feels like it.”
Cyrus seemed to mull over something for a minute before responding. “You’ve been… otherwise occupied.”
That was not what TJ expected to hear. Otherwise occupied with what? When he wasn’t in school or on the basketball court, all he thought about was Cyrus, looking for Cyrus, reading through his and Cyrus’ messages, talking to anyone who would listen about Cyrus. If he’s been occupied with anything lately, it’s Cyrus!
Cyrus must have read the confusion on TJ’s face. “You’re spending a lot of time with Kira.” he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Kira? The basketball girl? She had been hanging around the basketball court at the park more lately and they’ve had a few conversations. TJ shrugged and shook his head, genuinely confused that Cyrus seemed to latch onto that idea when TJ barely ever gave Kira a second thought. “Not a lot. Some.”
Now it was Cyrus’s turn to look on in disbelief. “The bulk of.”
TJ shook his head again. This felt like it was coming out of left field. Kira was just someone who seemed to like hanging out at the places TJ did. It sounded like Cyrus was implying something more. “We’re just hanging out.”
Cyrus gave TJ a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You two are clearly hitting it off, which is great! I’m happy for you!”
At that moment, several thoughts ran through TJ’s head. One, he and Kira? Hitting it off? He’d barely known her a week! Two, Cyrus is making it sound like they’re a couple and there are too many reasons for TJ to get into why that would never happen. And three, it may be wishful thinking (TJ was pretty sure it was just wishful thinking) but TJ knows Cyrus. TJ can tell when Cyrus is lying. And TJ was certain that whatever Cyrus thought was going on between Kira and him, Cyrus wasn’t happy about it. In fact, he sounded jealous.
Just as the thought entered his mind he attempted to will it away, to not get his hopes up. But he couldn’t. He knows Cyrus. And right now Cyrus was jealous. Cyrus was also waiting for a response.
“You make it sound like we’re a couple. We’re not. We mostly just talk about basketball.”
Cyrus raised an eyebrow incredulously. “And then you give her a piggyback ride?”
TJ thought back to earlier that day when Kira taunted him on the court, saying he was probably too weak to even carry her then jumped on his back without warning.
“She bet me I couldn’t carry her, that was all.”
“Seriously? So if I were to bet you couldn’t carry me, you’d give me a piggyback ride as well?” Cyrus’s voice was steady but TJ noticed a slight blush appear across his face as he spoke.
TJ tried (and failed) to fight back a small smile dancing on his lips. He pushed his chair back as he stood, tilted his head and raised an eyebrow. “ Are you betting me?”
Cyrus gulped but stood up as well, never breaking eye contact with TJ. “Yeah, maybe I am.”
TJ’s slightly upturned lips morphed into a full on grin as he quickly swooped down towards Cyrus, grabbing the back of his thighs and hiking him onto his back. Cyrus shrieked at the quick movement but TJ heard the mirth behind the scream. TJ threw his head back and laughed as he felt Cyrus’ grip tighten around his neck.
“See? Easy.” TJ said. And in one sense of the word, he meant that. Cyrus was incredibly lightweight and the piggyback took about as much physical exertion as it did with Kira. But in another sense of the word, oh boy, this felt like one of the most difficult things he’d ever done. He felt his heart hammering even harder than it does after a particularly grueling basketball practice. It felt like fire coursed through his veins instead of blood. This paled in comparison to the piggyback ride he gave earlier that day, where the most he felt was minor annoyance. Cyrus was the one who initiated this but TJ still felt like he was breaking an unspoken rule, that this was acknowledging something between them that wasn’t supposed to be acknowledged. But then TJ noticed that in their current position he could feel Cyrus’ heartbeat and it was going faster than even TJ’s and suddenly he didn’t care if he was breaking rules. This was exhilarating.
“It’s only easy cause you’re standing still.” Cyrus spoke directly into TJ’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine. “I bet you couldn’t keep this up if you were running around.”
TJ chuckled. The only thing better than rising to a challenge is rising to a challenge with Cyrus Goodman clinging onto your back like a baby koala.
“You’re on.” TJ tightened his grip on Cyrus’ thighs and began running around the park, zig-zagging here and there, trying to catch Cyrus off guard with his movement because everytime he did, Cyrus let out the most beautiful scream followed by laughter that sounded like a bell choir to TJ.
“What’s going on here?”
TJ stopped dead in his tracks. A good thing too, because he was unknowingly just a few feet from running head first into Kira, standing there with her arms crossed.
“Kira, hey. Cyrus just bet me I couldn’t give him a piggyback ride.” TJ felt Cyrus’ grip loosen but TJ wasn’t ready to let go of Cyrus yet.
“Hm. Sounds familiar.” TJ felt Cyrus gulp as Kira’s glare shifted to behind his right ear, right at Cyrus. “Do you really think that’s such a good idea though? I mean, think about how this must look for you two, or me for that matter! The last thing I want is rumors circulating that my boyfriend is gay!”
At that Cyrus gently pushed himself off TJ’s back and took a few steps back. Despite losing that extra weight, TJ felt heavier than ever. He shook his head and tried to collect his thoughts, there were so many swimming around.
“I’m gonna… go. I’ll… see you later, TJ.” Cyrus turned quickly on his heel to walk away but TJ was quicker. He grabbed Cyrus’ wrist, prompting the other boy to look back at him.
“No, Cy. Please, don’t go.” Cyrus squinted at TJ as if trying to read his face. He didn’t say anything more but he didn’t look like he was going to run off again either. TJ was satisfied enough with that and turned back to face Kira.
“Kira, I’m sorry if I’ve been leading you on, I promise I wasn’t trying to, but I’m not your boyfriend. I think you’re fun to hang out with but I don’t like you that way. I’m sorry.” And he meant it. He hoped Kira could see the sincerity of his apology.
Kira’s eyes hardened and jaw clenched as TJ spoke. “You… I…” She scoffed and shook her head as she searched for words. “You can’t just-” her voice broke and for a brief moment, TJ saw her eyes soften and her chin quiver before she looked down at her shoes and took several deep breaths.
When she looked back up her face was void of any emotion. “So you are gay then?”
TJ’s brain short circuited at that. He always thought Kira had a suspicion, always felt that accusation dangling like a sword above all their interactions. He hoped he was just being paranoid but now that Kira’s said it out loud, TJ was at a loss for words.
“How dare you, Kira?” Throughout the conversation, Cyrus had been hanging awkwardly behind TJ, feeling unsure if he should even be there. But Kira’s comment seemed to ignite a righteous flame in him. “I get that you’re probably hurting right now. Believe me, I know what it feels like to not have your feelings reciprocated. But that’s no excuse to go around making assumptions about people like that! That’s never okay, no matter what they did to you!”
TJ felt such fondness bloom in his chest as he witnessed Cyrus stand up for him. So much fondness and affection that he wasn’t even afraid to say what he felt needed to be said next. He put a hand on Cyrus’ shoulder.
“Underdog. Thank you. But Kira’s right. I did lead her on and she deserves and explanation.” He smiled at Cyrus’ perplexed expression before turning to Kira. “I promise I didn’t mean to lead you on. I honestly had no idea the way I acted around you could be read as… coupley. But I want you to know it’s not personal.” He took a shaky breath before continuing. “I am gay. So I’ll never be your boyfriend, but I hope we can still be friends?”
Kira bit her lip as she blinked back tears. She shook her head and huffed out a short breath. “You’re an asshole, TJ Kippen.” And with that, she turned and stomped away. TJ and Cyrus stared at her retreating figure with wide eyes and slack jaws.
“Uh…” Cyrus was the first to break the silence. “That was… not how I expected my day to go.” He chuckled nervously.
“I didn’t want you to find out this way, Cy. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what?”
“For… everything.” TJ gestured vaguely at their surroundings. “For keeping it a secret, for making things weird between us now… like, I bet that piggyback ride feels different now that you know some things about me, huh?”
Cyrus let out a single breathy laugh. “Uh yeah, different in the best way.”
TJ shook his head. “Wait, what?”
“I was jealous. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I couldn’t stand seeing you with Kira.” Cyrus shrugged, that same sweet shrug TJ had seen so many times before. “I like you, TJ.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I do.”
TJ looked down and gently grabbed one of Cyrus’ hands. “Well, if it’s not already glaringly obvious,” he said before glancing up to meet Cyrus’ gaze. “I like you too.”
They stood like that, staring at each other with matching toothy grins before Cyrus broke the silence.
“I bet you can’t kiss me.”
“You’re on.”