Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Of all the people in this world, Yoo Joonghyuk was the last person Han Sooyoung wanted to be seen in public with. Not because of any possible scandal or gossip that could arise from the situation, but purely because she liked him about as much as she liked picking gum off the bottom of her shoe.

"You know you want to," said Han Sooyoung.

“I don’t.” Yoo Joonghyuk made a show of checking the time on his phone like the asshole with the personality of mouldy gum he was. “You have five minutes.”

“Why are you in such a rush? If I recall correctly, aren't you currently unemployed?” she asked, idly stirring her iced latte with her straw. The ice in her glass was already half-melted from the thirty minute wait she had endured before he finally graced her with his presence. “Come on, I’ll even buy you a coffee. What kind do you want? A flat white? Americano?”

Yoo Joonghyuk’s reply was muffled by the black face mask covering half his face. “I don’t drink coffee.”

Han Sooyoung’s cheeks were starting to ache from the force of holding up her smile, and she pinched her leg under the table to keep herself going. “Life is all about meeting new people and reconnecting with others, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi,” she said in a saccharine voice. “And love, don’t forget that. To love and to be loved is a crucial part of one’s journey on this mortal plane. Say, don’t you ever get tired of the bachelor lifestyle? Don’t you want to meet the love of your life, the light of your heart, the fruit of your loins—”

"I'm not going on your show, stop asking. You have four minutes left."

"Why not?" Han Sooyoung demanded. "It's not like I'm asking you to sell your body for views. Just think of it as a month-long vacation! You get to live in a beautiful mansion for a month free of charge, and I'll even throw in an all expenses paid trip to Jeju Island." Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes. "Meanwhile, I'll get a teeny-tiny boost in viewership from your fans. It's a win-win scenario."

"Shouldn't there be monetary compensation if you’re going to use my name for marketing?" he pointed out coldly. 

Ah, shit. Han Sooyoung's smile froze on her face as her mind whirled in search of an adequate response. Coffee splashed onto the table as she channelled her growing irritation into her stirring. "Come on, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi, you know I can't afford your actual rates! This is my directorial debut, I don't exactly have an unlimited budget."

"Then go ask one of the other people you blackmail. Don't you have a lot of victims?"

“My best friend is already coming on the show, thank you for asking. Speaking of him, he's the one I told you about who wanted to meet you, remember?"

"Three minutes."

“How rude. I thought we were friends,” she lied. “I really felt like I bonded with you backstage during the fashion show last—”

“Shut up,” growled Yoo Joonghyuk.

"One of the guests is totally your type," Han Sooyoung tried desperately, but she already knew it was a lost cause. She wasn't sure if Yoo Joonghyuk had a libido or was even capable of maintaining an erection for another human being. Knowing him, he probably jerked off to his Corsair K70 Lux keyboard every morning. "From what I've seen, she's a very kind, intellectual woman—a bit too intellectual for you, but you'll manage—does that not get your dead heart pounding?"

“Two minutes.” 

“How the hell are you keeping time? There’s no way a minute goes by that quickly.”

“One minute.”

Damn him for being this difficult, she cursed internally. He was definitely going to die alone at this rate, just like the other bastard she knew. Forget about trying to set up a meeting; she could just bury them together once they were both dead and call it a day.

"There will be minimal interference from the production staff so you can do whatever you want on set!" Han Sooyoung blurted out. "I swear it won't get in the way of your daily activities. Not that there's much to get in the way of, considering how you're currently unemployed,” she added, unable to resist making the jab.

"If you're going to keep wasting my time, then you can leave. Twenty seconds."

Did this asshole think she was bluffing? It was time to pull out her trump card. “It seems as though our negotiations have fallen apart, Yoo Joonghyuk,” she said darkly, pulling out her phone. “You were the one who forced my hand, so don’t cry about what happens next.”

Yoo Joonghyuk just glared at her. 

“Your teacher’s name is Namgung Minyoung, right?" Han Sooyoung sneered. "Her contact information isn’t that hard to find if you know where to look. She’ll be receiving an interesting email filled with very interesting photos tomorrow—”

"Enough," he snapped, slamming his palm down on the table. "I'll do it. But I'm not going to play along with your scripts, so don't even bother trying."

"I would never even dream of it," Han Sooyoung said in a solemn voice, pressing her hand to her heart. She secretly clenched her other hand into a fist underneath the table and pumped it in victory. "Thank you so much, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi, I will never forget your kindness! I'll go delete your photos right now."

***

Han Sooyoung’s sudden appearance at Kim Dokja’s doorstep was a welcome distraction from his work on this lovely Saturday afternoon, but that novelty quickly wore off when she revealed her purpose for the visit. Kim Dokja couldn't think of a single thing in this world he wanted to do less than appearing on a dating show in front of the whole nation. There was a reason why he chose to write under a penname and refused to attend any book signings, and he wasn't about to reveal himself now, especially after the reception to his last book had been...mixed, to say the least.

"No one will realize who you are," Han Sooyoung assured Kim Dokja as she flopped down on the couch next to him. "You can just say you're a writer without mentioning what you've written. And if you do decide to tell everyone what your pen name is, I'll edit that part out of the final cut. Besides, all the staff members have signed NDAs, and it's not like they have the guts to cross me anyway." She raised her chin arrogantly.

"I'm not questioning your ability to keep a secret, I'm just acutely aware of the fact that I don't have a drama-stirring personality," Kim Dokja replied. "I'm sure there are plenty of people out there better suited for reality TV than I am."

She slung her arm across his shoulder and pulled him in. "Don't worry, I have an eye for these things, so trust me when I say you'll fit in perfectly."

"That isn't the compliment you think it is," Kim Dokja told her, shrugging off her arm and turning his attention back to the laptop on his lap. "Besides, a dating show is kind of..." An exhibitionist exercise in self-flagellation, or something like that.

"What's wrong with proactively searching for love, huh?" demanded Han Sooyoung. "How can you expect to meet your soulmate if you never put yourself out there?!"

"There are other ways of 'putting myself out there' that don't involve humiliating myself on national television."

She waved her hand in dismissal. "Please, you're not that embarrassing. Besides, aren’t you also currently unemployed? So it’s not like you have anything better to do.”

“I'm in-between works,” he corrected, not looking away from his laptop screen. The blinking cursor on the empty word document seemed to be mocking him as well. “And what do you mean by ‘also’? Did you lose your job when I wasn't looking?”

Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be here if I lost my job, I’d be out looking for a new one.” Then, before he could stop her, she leaned over and peered at his screen. “Pfft, you only wrote 225 characters today? What happened to your famous typing speed?”

Kim Dokja pointedly turned his screen away from her prying eyes. “I’m still searching for inspiration.” 

“How can you find inspiration when you’re cooped up in your condo every single day?” she asked dramatically, clutching her hand to her chest with an exaggerated look of pain. “Maybe that's why your last book was a flop.”

“It wasn't a flop,” Kim Dokja argued. “Not every book can be <Unbreakable Faith>, and that’s perfectly understandable.”

“You really need to get outside and see the world before your creativity dries up,” said Han Sooyoung. That much was objectively true, Kim Dokja conceded. “--Which is exactly why you should come on my show!” she declared, which was objectively not true.

“Han Sooyoung–” 

"Listen, this is a win-win scenario for both of us,” she said, steeling her features into an expression of grim determination. “You get to find a girlfriend, and I get to save on production costs. I swear on my bank account that this is ten times less embarrassing than any of the matchmaking events I dragged you to in university. And,” she added, “I've also personally vetted all the guests, and I can assure you that they're all nice people you'll get along with. Well, most of them." 

Kim Dokja sighed. There was really no good way to get out of this when she was this deadset on something. "I'll be seeking compensation for any psychological damage sustained during filming," he warned.

"I'm sure you'll be fine," drawled Han Sooyoung. She could barely hide the aura of smugness radiating off her in waves now that she knew that he knew she had won. "Don't you write romantic subplots into your webnovels all the time? You're practically a modern day Casanova." 

"I only do it because my editor forces me to."

Han Sooyoung slid the contract across the table to him. "Sign it, Kim Dokja," she said gently. "It'll be a life-changing experience for you. Trust me."

At the end of the day, he did trust her with his life.

***

A few months and many suspiciously-worded contracts later, Kim Dokja found himself standing on the front steps of a beautiful sprawling mansion with large glass windows that spanned all the way from floor to ceiling. Glancing around the corner of the mansion, he could see the sprawling green tail of a garden full of carefully curated flowerbeds. Everything looked surprisingly high budget, meaning Han Sooyoung had been clearly exaggerating all those times she complained about financial difficulties. 

As expected of Director Han Sooyoung, Kim Dokja thought to himself, torn between feeling proud of her and annoyed.

The sound of someone clearing their throat brought him out of his thoughts. Looking up, he saw his assigned cameraman waggling his eyebrows meaningfully at him. 

“Okay, I’ll head inside,” said Kim Dokja after successfully interpreting the dance of eyebrows. “Am I the first one here, or have the others already arrived?”

He and the cameraman stared at each other in silence for a moment, until it dawned upon him that the cameraman wasn’t going to respond.

Kim Dokja sighed. “I see how it is. So I’m supposed to pretend you guys don’t exist, right?”

The camera nodded up and down eagerly.

Reality shows didn't have the same suspension of disbelief books or TV shows automatically commanded from their audience, so anything that broke the spell of plausible deniability was to be avoided at all costs. Under the camera’s watchful lens, Kim Dokja rang the doorbell. When he didn’t hear the sound of someone making their way over, he opened the door directly and walked inside. 

The inside of the house was as lovely as the outside, its white walls adorned with soft, warm-hued decorations that matched the varnish on the wooden floors. There were a few suitcases and bags sitting on the ground of the hallway, breaking up the beige monotony with an explosion of colours. Standing in the foyer, he could hear muffled voices drifting over from where the living room presumably was. He clearly wasn’t the first or last one here, which was just what he had planned for when he headed out thirty minutes late this morning.

One, two, three pairs…that’s three out of eight. I wonder where they hid the staff members’ shoes? 

Kim Dokja looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps just as a man and a woman emerged into the hallway before him.

"Hello," Kim Dokja greeted, toeing off his shoes at the entrance and sliding on the slippers provided by the house.

"Welcome! You're the fourth person here," the woman said cheerfully. Her long hair was tied in a loose braid draped over her shoulder, and her eyes were bright with curiosity as she discreetly looked him over.

Kim Dokja smiled at her. "That's good to hear. I was worried I would be late," he lied.

“Of course not!” the man, who was built like a soldier, assured him hastily. "Oh, um, and it’s nice to meet you. I'm Lee Hyunsung."

Kim Dokja nodded back at him politely and shook his hand. "Kim Dokja."

The woman introduced herself as Yoo Sangah, and the three of them headed inside after he set his suitcase down beside theirs. The third guest was sitting on the sofa in the living room as they entered, and he glanced up at them with a look of blatant disinterest plastered across his artfully sculpted features. 

Looks like this is where Han Sooyoung’s budget went, Kim Dokja thought begrudgingly.

There was something vaguely nostalgic about that handsome face, like a movie Kim Dokja watched on a lazy Saturday a long time ago, or an old photograph stashed between the well-worn pages of a favourite book. Maybe the guy was some kind of model or actor? Either way, Kim Dokja was certain he had seen him somewhere before, probably on some billboard or YouTube ad he forgot to skip. With a strange tightness in his chest that he attributed to his burning curiosity, he took a seat next to the man on the couch. 

"I'm Kim Dokja," he said, offering his hand in a universally friendly gesture. "You are...?"

The look of disinterest melted into something indistinguishable as the man stared back at him in silence. 

Kim Dokja's back prickled at the unexpected reception, and his smile faltered. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

Their staring match lasted for almost an entire minute before the man finally tore his gaze away from Kim Dokja’s face. "Yoo Joonghyuk,” he said through gritted teeth, ignoring the offered hand.

What the hell was this guy’s problem? Kim Dokja stuffed his hand back into his pocket. “It’s nice to meet you, Joonghyuk-ssi,” he said carefully. “I heard you were the first one here today? I hope you didn’t have to wait for long—”

Yoo Joonghyuk stood up before he could finish his sentence and stormed out of the room. 

“Is he alright?” Yoo Sangah asked the cameramen standing around them, who seemed equally clueless as to what was going on.

“I’ll go check on him!” A particularly young-looking staff member quickly got up from where she was sitting cross-legged on the floor and sprinted out of the room. 

The three guests left in the room traded identical looks of confusion. Kim Dokja was starting to doubt Han Sooyoung had properly vetted the guests, or ‘incarnations’ as she called them—this Yoo Joonghyuk guy clearly had undiagnosed or undisclosed anger issues. He deeply pitied the person who would end up with him in the future.

“The weather is so nice today,” Lee Hyunsung offered in a pathetic attempt to steer the conversation away from the Yoo Joonghyuk-shaped elephant in the room.

“Indeed,” said Kim Dokja. He racked his brain for something interesting or inoffensively funny to say that wouldn’t be psychoanalysed to death by bored netizens in the future. Damn it, this was why he wasn’t suited for reality TV shows. “You can really taste the summer in the air.” Did he just say summer? “I mean flowers. Smelling the flowers.”

“Did you mean the wisteria blossoms out front?” Yoo Sangah piped up. “I agree, their scent is lovely. And rather strong too, now that I think about it.”

Kim Dokja was relieved that she didn’t point out his awkward turn of phrase. “I guess Han Sooyoung does have good taste.”

“Han Sooyoung…? You mean the director?” asked Lee Hyunsung, eyes wide. “Do you two know each other?”

“Well—”

Once again interrupting him in the middle of his sentence, Yoo Joonghyuk returned to the room and sat back down beside Kim Dokja. The collar of his shirt and the tips of his hair looked wet, as though he had accidentally splashed himself in the face while washing his hands. The staff member who had chased after him was back as well, and she said something to one of the cameramen before stepping outside the room with her phone, presumably to call Han Sooyoung.

“Are you not feeling well, Joonghyuk-ssi?” Yoo Sangah asked with a concerned frown.

“No.” Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t even spare her a glance. Instead, he leaned his head back against the couch and directed his gaze upwards towards the ceiling fixtures. 

There were a few seconds of silence as the rest of them exchanged forced smiles. Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes remained fixed on the ceiling, as if he were silently praying for death to take him now. 

Looking around the room in boredom, Kim Dokja noticed that there were rules written out on a whiteboard in the corner. "Dinner every day will be prepared in pairs of one man and one woman," he read out loud.

Yoo Sangah looked just as relieved as he was for the distraction. "Can you cook, Dokja-ssi?" she asked, sounding interested.

"I can cook some simple dishes, but nothing fancy," he replied. "How about you, Hyunsung-ssi?"

Lee Hyunsung rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile. "I'm not really good in the kitchen, sorry."

"That's alright, your partner can help you out."

Lee Hyunsung flushed and ducked his head, scratching at his neck awkwardly. Han Sooyoung was right; if this was what his competition was like, then Kim Dokja was practically Casanova in comparison. Well, he thought as he snuck a glance at Yoo Joonghyuk, that was if this guy stayed grumpy the whole time.

"What are your favourite dishes?" asked Yoo Sangah, folding her hands over the cushion she was cradling in her lap. It was amazing how she managed to carry the conversation through the valley of death on sheer willpower alone.

Kim Dokja’s mind blanked when he tried to think of an answer. "Any rice dish is fine."

"Rice is good," Lee Hyunsung said lamely.

"Yes," said Yoo Sangah. "It really is."

Silence again. Kim Dokja tried not to stare too obviously into the cameras glaring holes into the side of his face. When on earth were the other 4 guests going to get here?

"Yoo...Joonghyuk-ssi, do you have any preferences for dinner?" he asked, turning to the uncooperative man sitting beside him. Maybe he's just shy, Kim Dokja mused. He's obviously not acting like this on purpose to annoy you, don't get ahead of yourself.

"No," said Yoo Joonghyuk. He shifted away from Kim Dokja on the couch and closed his eyes, effectively ending the conversation.

Although Kim Dokja couldn’t care less about an asshole's opinion of him, it was kind of irritating how this man had such an obvious issue with him. Was this because he was talking to Yoo Sangah earlier? Damn, maybe this show was more cut-throat than he thought.

One of the cameramen cleared his throat and whispered, “Joonghyuk-ssi, please don't sleep until it's night."

The frown on Yoo Joonghyuk’s face deepend as he opened his eyes to glare at the offender, and the cameraman shrunk back in fear.

Thankfully, the sound of the doorknob turning broke through the suffocating atmosphere. Lee Hyunsung, Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja shot to their feet in unison, eager to get away from the dumpster fire of a scene.

Two women had arrived together at the mansion, and they ran through a round of introductions again before settling back on the long sofa together.

"I'm Jang Hayoung," the younger of the two said in a melodious voice. With her smooth skin and delicate features, her face was almost on the same level as Yoo Joonghyuk’s, and Lee Hyunsung seemed to blush when she sat down next to him.

"Jung Heewon," the other woman said curtly. She gestured at Jang Hayoung. "We ran into each other earlier at the front gates."

"This house is so pretty," gushed Jang Hayoung. "I can't believe the director managed to book a place like this for us! Have you guys seen the backyard yet?”

Jang Hayoung was the talkative type, and conversation flowed relatively smoothly after her arrival. Even though Yoo Joonghyuk was still doing his best to cosplay as the statue of David, he did show some signs of life when addressed directly, even if his responses were still curt and unfriendly.

It was clear that both Jung Heewon and Jang Hayoung were intrigued by Yoo Joonghyuk’s tragic mix of flawless looks and bitchy personality, though luckily Yoo Sangah didn't look interested in him at all. The thought of having to send a romantic text to a stranger in a few hours was still daunting to Kim Dokja, but at least he and Yoo Sangah seemed to be getting along rather well. She was currently the person he liked the most in the whole house, while Yoo Joonghyuk was dead last on the list.

After another thirty minutes, the last two guests—an elegant-looking woman named Lee Seolhwa and a young man named Kim Namwoon—arrived. Kim Namwoon was clearly the youngest out of all of them, and his edgy personality made him a strong contender for the title of Kim Dokja’s most disliked person. When Lee Seolhwa introduced herself, Kim Dokja noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk actually seemed to pay attention for once. Even rocks could bloom into flowers, huh.

While everyone else was making small talk, Kim Namwoon was staring at Yoo Joonghyuk with a pinched look of concentration like he was trying to piece a difficult puzzle together. 

"Wow, the bedrooms here are also really nice!” Jang Hayoung marvelled as they made their way upstairs to tour the rooms. "Seolhwa-ssi, do you usually sleep on the top bunk or lower bunk?"

"Lower bunk, but either is fine."

"Then I'll sleep on the top bunk!"

"There are two rooms for the men and two beds in each," Lee Hyunsung reported back after checking inside them. "We should probably split into pairs?"

Kim Dokja glanced at Yoo Joonghyuk from the corner of his eye, and their gazes met in mid-air. They immediately looked away from each other with matching grimaces. “Lee Hyunsung-ssi,” he began, “do you—"

"Holy fuck, you're YJH!" yelled Kim Namwoon, slamming his fist into his palm. Beside him, Jung Heewon plugged her finger into her ear with a look of annoyance. "The Supreme King! I knew I recognized you from somewhere, I went to the world championships last year—"

"Careers aren't supposed to be revealed until tomorrow night," one of the cameramen hastily cut in. "Please refrain from discussing such topics right now."

The name YJH sounded really familiar, but Kim Dokja couldn't remember exactly where he had heard it before.

"World championships?" Jung Heewon repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You have fans, Joonghyuk-ssi? Interesting."

"'Supreme King' is such a lame title," Kim Dokja couldn’t resist saying.

Yoo Joonghyuk shot him a death glare. "Shut up." It was the first thing Yoo Joonghyuk had said to him since their introduction, and Kim Dokja couldn’t help but think of it as a minor victory.

Kim Namwoon was still staring up at his idol with a look of awe. Said idol’s face was expressionless as always, but upon closer examination, he seemed a bit unnaturally tense.

"You know, you two should room together," Kim Dokja said innocently. "It'll be a pleasant experience for both of you, I'm sure. Lee Hyunsung-ssi and I can share a room."

Lee Hyunsung looked incredibly flattered. “Sure!”

If looks could kill, then Yoo Joonghyuk would be jailed for first degree murder. "Kim Dokja..."

"I'd be honoured to, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi," Kim Namwoon said seriously. His voice sounded a little choked with raw emotion. "I have so much I want to talk about with you, like what you think about the new meta—"

"Like what the staff members said, let's save the discussion for another time," Lee Seolhwa interrupted with a calm smile. "Shouldn’t we decide who's cooking dinner tonight first?"

"I can cook for us!” Shifting gears immediately, Kim Namwoon leaned against the wall in what he obviously thought was a cool way. It was not. "Lee Seolhwa-ssi, do you—"

"I can help out too," said Jang Hayoung. There was an eager spark in her eyes, and she was already rolling up her sleeves. "Do you want to head downstairs together? I want to check out the ingredients in the kitchen."

Kim Namwoon looked dejected for a second, but he quickly recovered and smoothly held out an arm. "Ladies first," he declared, purposefully lowering his voice in what he obviously thought was a cool way. It was not.

Yoo Sangah and Lee Seolhwa winced, and Jung Heewon face-palmed. Jang Hayoung just laughed and disappeared down the stairs, with Kim Namwoon trailing after her dejectedly.

Eventually, the six of them made their way outside to check out the beautiful backyard Jang Hayoung kept bringing up. Kim Dokja naturally fell into step beside Yoo Sangah as they walked, and he learned through their conversation that she had a charming laugh and a remarkably stubborn side. It was rather soothing to talk to her, but that was about the extent of his ‘feelings’ towards her. Did all romantic relationships begin with this level of indifference? He wasn’t sure, but luckily, he had a whole month to figure things out.

Yoo Joonghyuk, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of Yoo Sangah. Talking to him, even briefly, was like squeezing toothpaste out of an empty tube or banging his head against the wall. Kim Dokja had no idea why Han Sooyoung chose Yoo Joonghyuk for the show when he couldn’t go five minutes without saying something rude, but he supposed that the man's handsome looks made up for his horrible personality. Surprisingly, Lee Seolhwa didn't seem to mind said personality, and she actually managed to engage him in productive conversation.

Jang Hayoung called them inside for dinner after an hour or so, and they filed back into the dining room. Kim Dokja found himself sitting opposite Yoo Joonghyuk, and fought the urge to step on his foot under the table and claim it was an accident. That would be too petty, even for him.

"I made the pork belly, chicken wings, eggs, and vegetables," said Jang Hayoung, pointing at the plates one by one. She hesitated as her eyes landed on the mysterious pile of char that looked like it belonged in the compost bin. "And Kim Namwoon-ssi made, uh, that."

"It's my secret stir-fry noodle recipe." Kim Namwoon had the audacity to look proud of the abomination he birthed unto this world. "Enjoy."

Kim Dokja stared at the disastrous dish in front of him, and it stared back at him. It was oozing a weird burnt scent that was starting to make him lose his appetite. He secretly pushed it towards Yoo Joonghyuk's side, and the man pushed it back with a glare.

Out of respect for Kim Namwoon's efforts, all of them except Yoo Joonghyuk took a token chopsticks-worth of the disaster after he insisted they try it.

"It has an...interesting taste," said Lee Seolhwa. She held up her hand in front of her mouth as she valiantly tried to keep the mouthful down. "The texture is very crispy."

Kim Dokja, Yoo Sangah and Jang Hayoung nodded in agreement. Lee Hyunsung didn't say anything, clearly unsettled by his companions' expressions of pain.

Jung Heewon was the one to break it to him after she spat out her mouthful into her napkin. "This tastes awful," she said bluntly, chugging down half of her glass of water. Kim Dokja admired her straight-forwardness. "We should ban him from the kitchen, seriously."

Kim Namwoon scowled at her. "I'd like to see you do better," he sneered.

"Oh yeah? I could do better than you in my sleep."

"Let's not get into an argument at the table," said Yoo Sangah, placing a placating hand on Jung Heewon's shoulder. "Kim Namwoon-ssi, I’m afraid you may have overcooked the noodles a little this time, but I really appreciate you cooking for us. It was really kind of you two to offer."

Kim Namwoon leaned back in his chair with a huff, but he seemed appeased. Jung Heewon rolled her eyes.

After dinner was the dreaded texting event and simultaneous highlight of the show, where they were required to send a text to someone else in the house anonymously. The women retreated upstairs to their room, while the four men headed to the living room once again. This time, however, Kim Dokja chose to sit far, far away from Yoo Joonghyuk.

Somehow, all the words and phrases seemed to evaporate from Kim Dokja’s mind when faced with the blank screen of his phone. He knew he wanted to text Yoo Sangah, but what on earth was he supposed to say to someone he barely even considered a friend? Across the room from him, Lee Hyunsung looked like he was struggling as well, so at least he wasn’t alone in this.

Finally, Kim Dokja finished composing his text and pressed 'send'. Task successfully accomplished, he leaned back in his chair and let out a long exhale. It would be a little embarrassing if he didn't receive any texts tonight in return, but he wouldn’t be on this show if he didn’t think he could tolerate that level of minor embarrassment. When he turned his head to the side, he noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at him again, and he sent him a defiant glare. Yoo Joonghyuk looked away.

***

[Constellation Observatory]

"And now, it's finally time–for our predictions!" announced Bihyung, tapping the huge blackboard at the head of the table with his tacky pointer to get their attention. "Let's start with the four gentlemen first. Who do you think Lee Hyunsung will text tonight?"

"I think he'll choose Jung Heewon," Uriel suggested, folding her hands under her chin with starry eyes. "They seemed like they got along with each other well earlier tonight."

"But he blushed when Jang Hayoung sat down next to him," Sun Wukong pointed out.

"I do remember that moment, but they never spoke to each other again after that, and Jang Hayoung seems much more interested in Yoo Joonghyuk. So, I still think it's Jung Heewon!"

"It's the interaction that matters," Yi Sunsin said wisely, stroking his beard. "I agree with Uriel."

Sun Wukong scratched his ear idly. “You know what, that makes sense. Let’s just put Jung Heewon for today.”

Bihyung drew an arrow from Lee Hyunsung to Jung Heewon on the chalkboard with his blue chalk. "Moving on! Any guesses for Yoo Joonghyuk?"

"Lee Seolhwa," said Asmodeus, leaning back in his chair with a lazy grin. "She's the only one he's even remotely interested in."

" I think he was far more interested in Kim Dokja than anyone else in the house," Uriel argued. 

Yi Sunshin and Sun Wukong shot her exasperated looks.

"I agree, it's definitely Lee Seolhwa,” said Yi Sunsin.

“Same.”

Uriel’s mouth turned up into a pout, but she didn’t protest when Bihyung drew his blue line across the board.

"Next up, Kim Dokja," declared Bihyung. “Personally, I think he's pretty hard to read this episode. It's hard to tell which one of the ladies he likes better."

"I think it's Yoo Sangah," said Sun Wukong, perking up at the sound of Kim Dokja’s name. "They were talking to each other the whole time during that walk before dinner, and she's also the first person he met."

Yi Sunshin tapped his knuckles against the desk, looking deep in thought. "If we're going by that logic, then he also spoke to Jung Heewon quite a bit tonight. And he clearly agreed with her when she called out Kim Namwoon's cooking, so that's also a possibility."

Uriel looked like she wanted to suggest someone completely different, but thought better of it and closed her mouth. "I guess I agree with everyone, it’s probably Yoo Sangah."

"Then I'll put Yoo Sangah down for him. What about Kim Namwoon?"

"Lee Seolhwa," Sun Wukong said in a solemn voice.

“Lee Seolhwa,” said Asmodeus.

"Poor child," said Yi Sunshin.

Bihyung chalk scratched across the board as he drew a long, pathetic arrow from Kim Namwoon's picture to Lee Seolhwa's.

"Question," Uriel said brightly, raising her hand. "Are you allowed to send a text to someone of the same gender?"

The other constellations stared at her in confusion.

"I don't think so," Bihyung answered cautiously. He glanced at Han Sooyoung who was standing in a corner of the room for confirmation, but she just smirked at him. "And, uh, I really don’t think it matters. Anyway, moving on to the ladies now. Any guesses for Yoo Sangah?"

"Kim Dokja."

"Jung Heewon?"

"Maybe Lee Hyunsung? I'm not sure, she's also a difficult person to read."

"It's Yoo Joonghyuk," Asmodeus said wryly.

"Why?” asked Uriel, frowning. “She spent the most time with Lee Hyunsung tonight."

"She was clearly interested when Kim Namwoon almost revealed our guest's occupation," came the haughty reply. "However, I doubt the interest will last; he doesn't seem interested in her in the slightest. Which is understandable."

Uriel narrowed her eyes at Asmodeus, but once again refrained from saying anything.

"I agree with Uriel, I think it's Lee Hyunsung,” Sun Wukong insisted, kicking back in his chair and propping his feet on the table. "I can tell there's something between them, and my eyes are never wrong.”

"Alright, the vote count is 3 to 1, so I'll put Lee Hyunsung down for her.” Bihyung drew his customary line with a gender-stereotyping pink chalk. “Next up, Jang Hayoung."

"Probably Yoo Joonghyuk, she's been sneaking glances at him all night long."

Sun Wukong clicked his tongue. "That guy’s really popular with our female guests, huh?"

“His face is truly unparalleled.”

"And lastly, Lee Seolhwa," announced Bihyung.

"Yoo Joonghyuk as well." Sun Wukong sighed and scratched his head. "This is looking to be an absolute mess. Only Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah aren't implicated in the love polygon right now, but that might be subject to change next episode."

Bihyung’s chalk scratched across the board one last time, and thus the diagram of unrequited love was complete. He set down his chalk and dusted off his hands before clearing his throat. “Great job, Constellations! Now, let’s head to the mansion and see how our guests are faring."

Chapter Text

After washing up and typing out a few sentences of his webnovel, bringing his total character count up to 300, Kim Dokja fell asleep to the sound of voices coming from the room next door. Was he proud of his brilliant manoeuvre to put Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Namwoon in the same room? Absolutely. Was he sorry about the psychological damage he caused Yoo Joonghyuk? …Maybe a little.

The house was empty when he woke up the next morning. It was Monday, so the others probably had work or school to go to, unlike Kim Dokja, who had the dubious honour of being able to work from home. There was a sticky note on the outside of his door from Yoo Sangah that informed him cheerfully about breakfast, and he peeled it off with a small smile.

As he passed by the upstairs lounge, he suddenly realised that the house was not as empty as he thought it was. Yoo Joonghyuk was lying on the sofa in the lounge under a thin blanket in what looked like a horribly cramped position, given his size. Kim Dokja had connected the dots last night while lying in bed that Yoo Joonghyuk was a famous pro gamer, so it made sense that he also didn't have to go to work from 9 to 5 everyday. So, that made it two bastards who had the dubious honour of working from home–it seemed like they were going to be seeing a lot of each other from now on.

"Good morning! Did you sleep here last night, Joonghyuk-ssi?" Kim Dokja asked cheerfully. He nudged Yoo Joonghyuk's side with his knee a little harder than what was probably considered polite.

Yoo Joonghyuk sat up immediately and shoved Kim Dokja’s leg away in what almost seemed like panic. The intensity of his glare was dampened by the endearing look of his messy bedhead, and Kim Dokja didn't even bother hiding his mocking smile.

"Don't touch me," said Yoo Joonghyuk, standing up and looming over him at his full height.

Of course an asshole like him would be both handsome and tall, Kim Dokja thought glumly. He truly had it all. "You know, if you asked nicely, I wouldn't mind switching rooms with you."

"That's none of your business."

Kim Dokja shrugged. "Suit yourself. There's breakfast downstairs, by the way. Yoo Sangah-ssi cooked something for all of us before she left for work."

Ignoring what he said, Yoo Joonghyuk pushed past him and walked off in the direction of his room.

"Prickly bastard," muttered Kim Dokja, heading downstairs with his laptop tucked under his arm.

He paused half-way out the door and glanced at the camera stuck to the wall, having just remembered that he was being filmed. In retrospect, he should probably make an effort to avoid interacting with Yoo Joonghyuk at all, lest he accidentally piss off the man's gigantic fanbase. With that in mind, Kim Dokja double-checked that the door to Yoo Joonghyuk’s room was closed before heading downstairs and into the kitchen to have breakfast. 

The view from the glass windows in the dining room was just as lovely bathed in morning sunlight as it was yesterday, and Kim Dokja finished every bite of his food to the faint sound of birdsong and sprinklers outside. After cleaning up and putting everything away, he picked up his laptop and staked out a spot in the lounge upstairs. At some point, he heard the sound of Yoo Joonghyuk’s bedroom door opening and footsteps heading down the stairs, but he quickly lost himself in the rhythm of his typing and the unspooling plot threads in his head. None of the few staff members lurking in the shadows ever stopped by to film or talk to him, which suited him well. He didn't like getting distracted while he was writing, especially when he was still brainstorming for his next book.

His editor always complained that there was too much homoeroticism in his works, and Kim Dokja was determined to prove them wrong once and for all this time. Instead of tacking on a romantic subplot at the end of novel as an afterthought (much to the chagrin of his female readers, who seemed to prefer if both the protagonist and the second male lead both stayed single), he was going to start out with one. 

In his new book, the protagonist, a young man named Lee Gyubin, was inducted into a sect after his village was slaughtered by a mysterious power. He befriended the daughter of the sect leader, a cold, dark-haired beauty called Seungah, and the two of them were exiled after his monstrous lineage was revealed. Together, they eventually founded a new sect and brought peace to the three realms.

In theory, their romance should be easy to write. They had a whole book’s-worth of potential interactions to fill out, so he could build their relationship from the ground up naturally instead of speedrunning a marriage with a stranger like he usually did. Yet somehow, he couldn't get the dynamic between them right.

Kim Dokja sighed. He wasn't good at writing characters when he didn't at least have some sort of reference to base them off of. The female leads in his previous books had all been vaguely inspired by the personalities of Han Sooyoung and one of his internet friends, simply because they were the only women he talked to on a regular basis. He constantly found himself subconsciously inserting bits and pieces of their conversations into his writing whenever the character opened her mouth. That was also why his protagonists never married his female leads–it was too awkward to even imagine, let alone write down. 

And that was the root of the problem. His new female character was supposed to be a tsundere, or an ‘ice queen’ as they called them in the business, but he didn't actually know any women in real life with a personality like that. As such, he wasn't sure how to write about a seemingly insensitive and cold-hearted girl without overshooting the mark and making her completely unsympathetic. If only he had some sort of baseline to go off of...

Time flew by, and the skies outside were painted with gold when Kim Dokja finally heard the sounds of the others returning home from work. After a moment of consideration, he closed his laptop and headed downstairs.

"Whose turn is it to cook dinner tonight?" asked Jung Heewon. She was leaning by the entrance with her arms crossed in front of her chest in an effortless pose reminiscent of Kim Namwoon’s attempt last night. "We need one guy and one girl, right?"

"I can cook tonight," said Yoo Sangah. She set her purse down on the coffee table and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I actually already began preparing the ingredients for pork bone soup this morning, if you guys are alright with that?"

"Sounds good."

Han Sooyoung’s words flashed through his mind. How can you expect to meet your soulmate if you never put yourself out there?!

It was now or never. "I can help you prepare dinner," offered Kim Dokja.

As he expected, the offer was well-received. "That would be great, thank you." Yoo Sangah beamed at him.

Jung Heewon’s eyes flickered between the two of them, and her lips tilted up into a knowing smile. “I’ll go shower then. Have fun, you two.” She stretched her arms above her head with a yawn and disappeared around the corner.

Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah headed into the kitchen. "Thank you for making breakfast this morning," he told her as he washed his hands in the sink. "It was delicious."

She shot him a smile over her shoulder from where she was rummaging through the fridge. "Ah, it was the least I could do. I'm glad you enjoyed the food."

They fell into a comfortable silence as they cooked, the sounds of the bubbling stew and the sizzling pan harmonising with the noises of conversation from the living room. One of the cameramen mouthed 'apron' at him at one point, but he ignored him because he wasn't sure what it was supposed to mean. Only later did he realise that he should have tied Yoo Sangah's apron for her or something. Either way, even if he did get the hint right away, he wouldn't have done it. He was comfortable with the current distance between them.

There were no burnt noodle incidents tonight. Between the two of them, the food was cooked perfectly, and everyone else (except Yoo Joonghyuk) showered them with praise whether they meant it or not. It was hard eating normally under the scrutiny of four cameras and half a dozen staff members, but somehow they managed. Kim Namwoon prattled on and on about game characters and strategies throughout dinner in Yoo Joonghyuk’s ear, while the long-suffering Yoo Joonghyuk chewed his food with a blank face. 

Yoo Sangah went back to the kitchen after being beckoned over by a staff member, and came out holding a platter of unappetizing-looking cakes wrapped in plastic packaging. "For dessert," she clarified awkwardly, setting the platter down in the middle of the table.

Kim Dokja leaned in to get a closer look, and noticed how the logo on the packaging matched the logo on the whiteboard in the living room. Ah right, product placement. How could he forget this segment? 

Jung Heewon glanced at the cakes with a frown. "Do we all have to eat one?"

"They're our biggest sponsor," one of the staff members said apologetically.

Pressured by the expectant gazes of the staff members, everyone unwrapped a cake and bit into it. 

Jang Hayoung swallowed the lump in her throat and forced out a smile. "Wow, these cakes are delicious,” she coughed. 

"Yes, they're really...soft," said Lee Seolhwa. That was truly the most polite thing that could be said about them.

Kim Dokja tried sprinkling a little sugar on his, but nope, it was still awfully bland. It also seemed to suck out all the moisture from his mouth the longer he chewed, leaving him with nothing but the sensation and taste of a mouthful of cotton. No wonder the company was sponsoring Han Sooyoung's show; if this was what their product tasted like, then they were going to need all the exposure they could get.

Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly set down his fork with a loud clatter, and everyone looked up at the noise.

"Nothing complements a dinner better than Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes," he said in a monotone. Then he picked up his fork again and went right back to eating.

Jang Hayoung's napkin fluttered out of her fingers and onto the tablecloth, forgotten.

Kim Dokja nearly spat out the sip of water he was taking, but he swallowed it at the last moment and hastily wiped the back of his hand over his growing grin. He just couldn't resist taking a jab at Yoo Joonghyuk, not when he made it so easy. 

"I'm pretty sure that's not how product placement works," he said patiently, as though he were talking to a child. "First off, you're supposed to be much more enthusiastic about it."

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at him. "Han Sooyoung can speak with me personally if she has a problem with it."

"That supposed to be an advertisement?" Jung Heewon asked, incredulous. "Wow, I seriously thought you were possessed for a second there. Could you be more half-assed about it?"

"Shut up. You’re too loud."

There was a moment of awkward silence after Yoo Joonghyuk's words. Although Kim Dokja hated arrogant assholes, he had to admire Yoo Joonghyuk for owning it. Most people would have faked it for at least a week; it was only the second day, and he was already revealing his true nature to strangers whose names he probably didn't even remember. Jang Hayoung looked particularly shocked, like her dream was shattering before her eyes. She probably thought he was the silent, stoic type, and she was right in that regard, except she'd forgotten to include 50% of pure assholery in her calculations.

Kim Dokja didn't want to draw attention to himself, but someone had to step in and break the ice. Besides, it's not like this whole segment would even make the final cut anyway, unless Han Sooyoung wanted to face the wrath of Yoo Joonghyuk's fans. “She’s right, your advertisement reading could use more enthusiasm.”

“Did I ask for your opinion?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked coldly.

“I’m just exercising my rights of freedom of speech. Why are you taking everything so personally?”

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at him, but the glare wasn't as strong as it was yesterday, and Kim Dokja met his gaze evenly. Their eyes stayed locked on each other for what seemed like an eternity until someone cleared their throat, and the two of them finally broke eye contact.

It was Jung Heewon. She didn't seem like she had been offended by Yoo Joonghyuk telling her off earlier, in fact, she was smirking. "Get a room, you two," she drawled, resting her chin in her hand. "The sexual tension in here is stifling."

Across the table, Yoo Sangah hid her giggle behind her hand. Even Lee Seolhwa couldn't keep the smile off her face.

Oh hell no. Kim Dokja's stomach twisted in mortification. "What do you mean?” he said nonchalantly. “We weren't—"

Wood screeched against wood as Jang Hayoung abruptly stood up in her seat. "I'm full," she said dejectedly, gathering her plate and utensils into her hands. "I'll go wash the dishes."

Kim Dokja winced at the sound of Kim Namwoon's chair scraping against the ground as he got up to chase after her. "Jang Hayoung-ssi, do you need help? I can do it—"

Jung Heewon slung her arm over the back of her chair with a sigh. "We have to meet at 9 pm in the living room for the career reveal segment, right? Maybe I’ll go take a power nap or something."

"Oh, are we already doing the career reveal tonight?" asked Lee Seolhwa, looking intrigued. "I'm looking forward to it."

"I think so," said Kim Dokja. He set down his fork as well. "We should probably clean up before then."

They gathered up the empty plates and brought them into the kitchen, where Kim Namwoon was boasting about his various accomplishments with a rejuvenated Jang Hayoung. Surprisingly, even Yoo Joonghyuk helped out, carrying the platters for Jung Heewon when her hands were too full. That was probably the closest to an apology she was going to get, mused Kim Dokja, watching them interact out of the corner of his eye. It was nice, chatting and laughing with these strangers as if they were almost friends. It made the voyeuristic gazes of the cameras hidden in every possible corner of the room a little more bearable.

After wiping down the dining table, Kim Dokja headed back upstairs to his room. He had about an hour of time to kill, so he booted up his laptop and opened his Word document again. He could feel the faint tingle of inspiration scratching at the inside of his ribs as Yoo Joonghyuk's words echoed through his mind: Be quiet. Don't touch me. It's none of your business. Shut up. Did I ask for your opinion? Kim Dokja...

It was perfect, honestly. He didn't know why he didn't think of this solution earlier.

Kim Dokja smiled, and began to type. 

[ "Why did you save me?" demanded Lee Gyubin. Blood trickled down the side of his face as he glared up at the girl standing in front of him. Her silk robes were a light blue, embroidered with swirls of silver clouds that glimmered in the sunlight. It marked her as a core disciple, one of the highest-ranking members in the whole sect.

"Shut up," the girl said, turning away from him. "You're too loud." ]

Chapter Text

There was one small problem with basing his new female lead off of Yoo Joonghyuk: she was supposed to be a sympathetic character with a hidden heart of gold, not a frigid bitch. Yet Yoo Joonghyuk seemingly had no redeeming qualities other than being good-looking, tall, and extremely successful. 

What did Lee Seolhwa see in him? What did his fans see in him? What did his hypothetical fictional male love interests see in him? What did Uriel see in him? ...Actually, never mind, he already knew the answer to the last question. All the fanart on Twitter of Yoo Joonghyuk fucking his teammates in various positions still haunted his dreams sometimes at night.

The door to the bedroom he shared with Lee Hyunsung suddenly slammed open with a bang, and Kim Dokja nearly jumped in surprise.

"We're hosting the career reveal downstairs right now," Han Sooyoung's young assistant said while chewing loudly on a piece of bubblegum. She blew a mint green bubble, and it popped with a loud noise. "So you better head downstairs, ahjussi."

The girl’s name was Lee Jihye, if he recalled correctly based on what Han Sooyoung had told him, and she was a student from a high school nearby. Kim Dokja wasn't sure if it was even legal to employ underpaid child labour, but either way, she was a terrible production intern so it all worked out in the end.

"Thanks for letting me know, I'll head down right now. Do you call Han Sooyoung ahjumma?"

Lee Jihye furrowed her brows in confusion. "Why would I call her ahjumma?"

"Because she's older than I am," Kim Dokja replied. He closed the lid of his laptop and got to his feet.

Lee Jihye's jaw dropped open, and she pushed herself off from the wall she was leaning against. "No way! Are you serious?"

"Did she tell you to call her unnie? She's actually turning 36 this September," he lied. Han Sooyoung had wronged him so many times by now (and vice-versa) that he didn't even need a reason for petty acts of revenge anymore.

Clearly this did sound like something the notoriously amoral Han Sooyoung would do, because Lee Jihye looked somewhat convinced. "Woah, I had no idea. I thought she was like 26 max."

"She keeps her face looking young by taking years off the lives of everyone around her."

The two of them made their way down the stairs to where the other inhabitants of the house were sitting on the U-shaped array of couches. Jang Hayoung was seated between Yoo Sangah and Kim Namwoon on one couch, while Jung Heewon, Lee Hyunsung, and Lee Seolhwa occupied the one opposite them. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting all by himself on the couch in the middle like some sort of trashy reality TV royalty, which meant the only spot left was next to him.

Han Sooyoung was actually present for once on set, and she winked at him from where she was hovering behind the cameramen as he begrudgingly sat down next to Yoo Joonghyuk.

"What kind of weird homoerotic seating arrangement is this?" Jung Heewon muttered.

Kim Dokja pretended not to hear her.

"Just keep talking like you normally would, everyone. Don’t mind the cameras," Han Sooyoung told them with an insincere smile. She was holding a blank whiteboard under her arm, and she passed it to Lee Jihye when the girl reached her side.

"What were you doing upstairs earlier, Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah asked curiously.

Kim Dokja scooted a little closer to Yoo Joonghyuk in order to hear her better. The man flinched away from him when their legs brushed, and he mentally rolled his eyes. Despite what Jung Heewon thinks, a little man-to-man contact won’t make you gay, Joonghyuk-ah.

"Just finishing up some work," he told her. "Sorry for the wait."

“It’s alright, we didn’t—”

"Speaking of work and careers," Lee Hyunsung said stiffly, "what do you guys do for a living?" His face was flushed a bright pink, which could either be from the embarrassment of reciting such a scripted line or his proximity to Jung Heewon.

"Should we take turns guessing?" asked Jang Hayoung, sounding both agitated and equally scripted.

Han Sooyoung dragged her hand over her face in irritation at their complete lack of acting skills. She poked Lee Jihye in the shoulder, and her assistant dutifully scribbled down a message in black marker on the whiteboard and held it up for everyone to see. 

[ PLEASE RELAX, EVERYONE, AND ACT NATURAL ], the board read. So that was what it was for. He should’ve expected Han Sooyoung to come up with such a contrived and condescending way of speaking to them from behind the scenes.

Kim Namwoon licked his lips nervously. "So uh, who wants to go first? Should we go clockwise around the couch?"

Lee Hyunsung opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. He had clearly forgotten what line he was supposed to say.

"Is there a prize for whoever guesses the most careers correctly?" prompted Lee Seolhwa.

Yoo Sangah sat up a little straighter in her seat. "Of course. There's more Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes in the kitchen," she said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the entryway. "Actually, um, I'll go get them right now."

Everyone exchanged hesitant looks. Kim Dokja could physically see their levels of motivation dropping by the second.

"How about this: whoever guesses wrong at each turn will be forced to take a bite of a cake," Jung Heewon suggested. "How's that sound?"

[ SHOW OUR SPONSORS SOME RESPECT ], Han Sooyoung's whiteboard read.

"Whatever, it's not like you paid me to be on this show anyway."

[ STOP TALKING, JUNG HEEWON. ]

"Who cares? Just edit it out of the final cut."

[ STOP. TALKING. ]

"I'll even swear if I fucking want to."

Huh. He had always thought he was the only one Han Sooyoung coerced into signing up for free, but apparently that wasn't the case. It was scary how far that woman's reach was.

Before the situation could escalate, Yoo Sangah reappeared with a familiar platter of wilted-looking cakes. She set them down on the coffee table with a tiny flourish and sat back down in her spot beside Jang Hayoung. 

"Does someone brave want to volunteer to go first?" asked Lee Seolhwa, brushing a hand through her long locks. Her entire face glowed when she smiled, and she seemed like a genuinely lovely person, which made her interest in someone like Yoo Joonghyuk all the more baffling. 

Lee Hyunsung looked like he was ready to take on the responsibility, but he faltered when he caught sight of Lee Jihye’s whiteboard.

[ YOO JOONGHYUK, THAT'S YOUR CUE. YOU GO FIRST ], the whiteboard insisted.

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored it.

[ YOO JOONGHYUK! ]

"The oldest person here can go first,” said Jung Heewon. "I'm guessing that narrows it down to Joonghyuk-ssi, Dokja-ssi, or Hyunsung-ssi, right?"

"How old are you, Joonghyuk-ssi?" asked Jang Hayoung, eyes bright. It seemed as though she hadn't completely given up on him yet. Kim Dokja could understand that; the allure of a handsome face was indeed hard to combat.

"28," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja blinked. Wait, that couldn't be right. He could have sworn he was older than this bastard. "I didn’t know you were also 28. When's your birthday, Yoo Joonghyuk?" he asked, feigning nonchalance.

Yoo Joonghyuk held his gaze for a heavy moment before replying, "August 3rd."

“I was born in February.” 

So they were the same age after all. How disappointing. Seungah would have called Lee Gyubin hyung. Or rather, oppa.

“I guess that means you two are the same age, and probably the oldest people here,” Jung Heewon remarked. “Should we be speaking to you two formally then?”

"Ah, please don't," Kim Dokja said sheepishly. A little part of him just died inside at the reminder of his gradually advancing years. "There's no need to be so formal, we're all equals here."

There was a hint of a smirk on Yoo Joonghyuk's face as he took a sip from his cup of water.

"Is anyone older than 28?" asked Jang Hayoung, looking around the room.

"I'm also 28 years old, but my birthday's in September," said Lee Hyunsung. He flashed Kim Dokja an apologetic smile. “I guess Dokja-ssi can go first?”

Kim Dokja sighed. He had not been looking forward to this at all. "Sure. Does anyone want to guess what I do for a living?"

"Why don't you give us some keywords as a hint?" Yoo Sangah said helpfully.

Yoo Sangah was truly the MVP of the show with the way she was single-handedly dragging other useless members of the cast like Yoo Joonghyuk across the finish line. Kim Dokja had no idea how Han Sooyoung had managed to get her onto the show, but he suspected psychological manipulation and hypnosis were involved. "Computers, and…creativity?"

"Like a graphic designer?" asked Jang Hayoung.

"A teacher," Kim Namwoon said with conviction. "An online English teacher or something."

He didn't know why Kim Namwoon thought he was in a position of authority over anyone. Maybe he had unconsciously come off as fatherly when he swindled Yoo Joonghyuk into sharing a room with him? "Ah, no. Both of those guesses are wrong, unfortunately."

"A translator? Or an artist?"

"No, but those are good guesses too."

"Are you a full-time investor?" Lee Seolhwa reasoned.

"I do work from home, but no."

"Don't tell me you're in a multi-level marketing scheme," said Jung Heewon, shuddering a little at the thought.

"...No."

Jang Hayoung leaned forward curiously. "Do you sell stuff online? Are you your own boss?"

"In a way, maybe?"

"Are most of your work completed online?" asked Yoo Sangah.

"Yes, I do spend most of my time working on my laptop."

Yoo Sangah tapped her index finger against her lips. "Do you code for a living, Dokja-ssi? Are you a web developer or a software consultant, maybe?"

He had no idea she had actually noticed what he was up to everyday, and the thought made his heart warm. "Your guess is close, Sangah-ssi. I did briefly work for a software company before I quit to pursue my current job, which is—"

"I didn't make my guess yet," Yoo Joonghyuk interrupted.

Kim Dokja paused. He had noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk hadn't said anything earlier, but he had just assumed it was because he wasn't interested in participating in a childish guessing game. "Do you really think you'll be able to guess correctly?" he teased.

There was a glint of something sharp in Yoo Joonghyuk's dark eyes. "Is that a challenge?"

"What, are you afraid you'll fail?"

Jung Heewon groaned and squeezed the cushion in her arms. "Can you two stop posturing and move on already? We don't have all day here."

Lee Hyunsung let out an awkward chuckle at her words, while Yoo Sangah smiled indulgently and whispered something in Jung Heewon’s ear.

[ LET THEM POSTURE AT EACH OTHER. IT'S GOOD TV ], Han Sooyoung's whiteboard added shamelessly.

Yoo Joonghyuk shot her a dirty look before turning to stare Kim Dokja in the eyes. "You're a writer," he said confidently, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kim Dokja almost did a double-take. "How the hell did you figure it out? Did you see my laptop screen?"

"You type really loudly," Yoo Joonghyuk replied. His face was mostly expressionless, but there was a faint note of amusement in his voice.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

Kim Namwoon reached over and clapped him on the back, hard. "What kind of writer are you?” he asked eagerly. “The serious kind? Or are you one of those bloggers on social media? Are you famous?"

Kim Dokja tried to lean out of the range of Kim Namwoon’s grabby hands, which only brought him closer to Yoo Joonghyuk. "I'm a webnovel writer, so no, I guess it doesn’t count as serious writing."

Yoo Joonghyuk had long since spaced out beside him, and was currently staring at a spot on the ceiling with unfocused eyes. Kim Dokja envied his ability to extract himself from any social situation through indifference and sheer douchebaggery.

"What genre of novels do you usually write, Dokja-ssi?" asked Yoo Sangah, dropping her chin onto her hands and smiling up at him.

Kim Dokja was glad that she didn't seem put off by his unconventional career, even though he would have understood if she preferred someone with a more stable job. "Mostly science fiction." 

Well, he was technically in the process of attempting to write a fantasy novel, the key there being ‘attempt’.

"How well-known are you?" Jang Hayoung studied his face curiously. "Would a casual reader recognize you? I read webnovels sometimes, and I wonder if I've come across your work before."

"I think it depends."

Lee Jihye waved her arms animatedly to catch their attention. Once they were all looking at her, she jabbed her marker at the whiteboard in emphasis as Han Sooyoung watched on proudly. [ GO ON, KIM DOKJA. TELL THEM HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE. ]

Jung Heewon perked up at the sight of the words. "So, author-nim," she drawled, "how much money do you make? Does it hold a candle to this guy's annual income?" She jabbed her thumb at Yoo Joonghyuk.

There was no way he was going to talk about his income and risk getting identified just to impress them. He wasn’t that desperate to find love, even if Han Sooyoung apparently thought he was.

"I don't know what his net worth is, so I wouldn't know what to compare it to," Kim Dokja deflected. "Let's move on. Isn't it Yoo Joonghyuk's turn now?"

"But you didn't even tell us what your pen name is," Kim Namwoon whined. He sounded like a little kid that didn't get to play with his new toy. "Are you Abyssal Black Flame Dragon? Disaster of Questions? Salvation? Sovereign of Eight Heads? Ice Flower Goddess? Chronos? Kaizenix?"

"Are you looking up the list of richest webnovel writers?" asked Jang Hayoung, leaning over to peer at his phone screen. 

Kim Namwoon flashed her a thumbs up.

"Sorry, but I'd rather not associate my real-life identity with my pen name." In fact, he'd prefer not to talk about himself at all. "But no, I'm not Abyssal Black Flame Dragon. Sorry to disappoint."

"Wait, does this mean you're one of the other authors?"

"I'm nowhere near that level of popularity."

Han Sooyoung dragged her hand down her face in exasperation.

"Hey, why don’t you choose someone to go next this time?” Jang Hayoung suggested, sounding excited. “We can switch things up a little.”

"Sure." Kim Dokja's eyes roamed around the group as he thought about what to do. Judging by how these shows usually went, he should probably choose Yoo Sangah, but would that come off as too forward? Would it be better to choose someone neutral, like Lee Hyunsung? 

His answer came in the form of Han Sooyoung's trusty whiteboard. [ KIM DOKJA. PICK YOO JOONGHYUK AND MAKE HIM GO NEXT. ]

Right. Of course Han Sooyoung would want Yoo Joonghyuk to go first or last in order to make his career reveal more impactful. But if he went last, then they wouldn't get to find out who he would have picked to go after him, which would mean a lost opportunity for drama.

“Don’t listen to her,” Jung Heewon said snidely. “Pick who you want to pick, Dokja-ssi.”

[ YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO SHUT UP, JUNG HEEWON. PICK YOO JOONGHYUK, KIM DOKJA. ]

Well, whatever. He supposed he did owe Han Sooyoung one for spreading false information about her earlier to Lee Jihye. 

"I pick Yoo Joonghyuk," said Kim Dokja, resigned.

Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at Lee Jihye and back at Kim Dokja. “I participate in competitions.”

Jung Heewon arched an eyebrow. “I thought we were doing keywords as hints?”

Yoo Joonghyuk just stared at her with silent distaste until she threw up her hands in exasperation. “Fine! Do whatever you want.”

Kim Dokja was willing to bet everyone here had secretly looked up Yoo Joonghyuk after Kim Namwoon’s outburst the first night, but no one needed to be told in order to realise they should draw out the suspense for as long as they could.

"Are the competitions online or offline?" asked Lee Hyunsung.

"It depends."

"Are you participating in team competitions or solo?" 

"Team."

“This is so hard to guess,” said Jang Hayoung, laughing awkwardly. “Haha. Ha.”

“Right,” said Kim Dokja.

"I know who you are," Kim Namwoon announced. Clearly, he hadn't gotten the memo that they were supposed to hype the reveal up. "You're YJH, the number one pro gamer in the country.” He leapt to his feet and punched the air, and the vibrations from his sudden movement caused a few Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes to tumble off the platter and onto the ground. “You’re the Supreme King! I'm your biggest fan, Joonghyuk-hyung."

Jang Hayoung started clapping, and as far as he could tell she was being completely sincere. Kim Dokja joined in sarcastically just to make Yoo Joonghyuk scowl.

From the lack of surprise on everyone’s faces, it was clear that they had all done their research. After all, Kim Namwoon's outburst on the first day hadn't exactly been subtle.

Lee Jihye scribbled down a new message on her whiteboard and held it up for everyone to see. [ PLEASE PRETEND TO BE SURPRISED BY THE REVELATION. ]

Yoo Sangah immediately schooled her face into a look of shock so the camera could get a good close-up of her, while Jung Heewon just rolled her eyes.

[ DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA, JUNG HEEWON ], the whiteboard warned.

"Fuck you too," said Jung Heewon.

If anything, Lee Hyunsung looked even more enamoured with her.

"I didn't know you were a celebrity, Joonghyuk-ssi," Yoo Sangah lied. "You don’t seem like one at all."

"Yeah, you're unexpectedly humble for someone who shows up regularly in fan art," Kim Dokja said with a straight face.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked like he had a few choice words to say to him, but unlike Jung Heewon, he knew better than to do it in front of all the cameras. 

“Do you have a lot of free time as a pro gamer?” Lee Seolhwa piped up.

“It depends on the time of year.”

“Is the job stressful?”

“No.”

The polite exclamations of surprise and questions continued for a while in that vein, and Yoo Joonghyuk was surprisingly patient with his replies. Kim Dokja wasn't sure if it was because his manager had yelled at him after his not-so-gentlemanly behaviour earlier, or if he'd finally had a change of heart and decided to take the show more seriously. Or maybe he was just in a good mood because they were all jerking off his massive ego. 

Yoo Joonghyuk chose Lee Seolhwa to go next, much to the visible disappointment of Jang Hayoung, who dropped her head dejectedly onto Yoo Sangah's shoulder and stayed there for the rest of the night. Kim Dokja tried to maintain a polite distance between him and Yoo Joonghyuk throughout the rest of the gathering, but it was hard not to accidentally press their legs together whenever he leaned over to say something to Yoo Sangah. After around the third time it happened, Yoo Joonghyuk seemed to get desensitised to his touch, and stopped pulling away. 

In the end, Yoo Sangah ended up winning the whole platter of Dokkaebi cakes as the prize for getting the most answers right. "Does anyone want to share these with me?" she asked sweetly. 

"I can take two," said Kim Dokja. He could always use them as stress balls later. 

Yoo Sangah passed them to him with a look of relief.

None of the careers of the other incarnations had been entirely unexpected. Yoo Sangah worked at the human resources department of a software company, Lee Seolhwa was a family doctor, Lee Hyunsung was a policeman, Jung Heewon was a bartender and kendo instructor, Jang Hayoung was an interior designer, and Kim Namwoon was a university student majoring in game design. He was the youngest out of all of them, having just turned 20 this year. 

The knowledge of Kim Namwoon’s age seemed to pique Jung Heewon’s interest. "Why are you on this show anyway? Aren't there tons of ways for university students to get a date? Just use an app or something."

"I'm working on a game right now and my business partners said this would be good exposure for us," Kim Namwoon said proudly.

"Is that so," said Jung Heewon, narrowing her eyes at Han Sooyoung. "Hey, can I ask you guys a question? Did anyone here get paid to be on the show?"

Her question was met with silence from everyone.

Han Sooyoung cleared her throat loudly. "Why are you guys discussing financial matters on camera?" she demanded. "C'mon, let’s talk about love! Did you forget this is a dating show? Keep the romance flowing, you guys."

"Did you embezzle the money, Han Sooyoung?” Jung Heewon pressed. “How is it possible that no one's getting paid to do this, not even Joonghyuk-ssi?"

"Isn't love the greatest reward of all?" Han Sooyoung said cryptically.

"Don't answer my question with a rhetorical question."

"Alright, time's up.” Han Sooyoung pretended to check the time on her phone. “It was great speaking to you guys but my crew and I need to head home for the night so bye see you tomorrow!"

"Get back here!"

"Ah, Jung Heewon-ssi, please sit down—"

"Hey," Kim Dokja whispered to Yoo Joonghyuk. "Did you also get blackmailed by Han Sooyoung into doing this?"

Yoo Joonghyuk, who was back to resting on the couch with his eyes closed, opened an eye and glanced at him. Just when he thought he wasn't going to answer, the man spoke up, "Yes."

He was always too curious for his own good. "What kind of dirt does she have on you? How did you come to owe her a favour anyway? Come to think of it, how did you even meet Han Sooyoung? Is she your ex-girlfriemhpf—"

A hand clapped over his mouth, muffling his words.

"You're too nosy," Yoo Joonghyuk told him, glancing at the cameramen standing by the wall. There was a tinge of exasperation in his voice, and the pads of his fingers were warm where they rested against his cheek.

His eyelashes are really long up close, thought Kim Dokja. He mentally noted it down for future use in his book. "Let go," he said defiantly. It came out sounding pretty muffled, but the meaning was clear.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Yoo Joonghyuk released him, and after a brief pause, wiped his damp hand over Kim Dokja’s knee for good measure.

This time, Kim Dokja was the one to flinch away. Whether it was out of indignation or embarrassment, he wasn't sure. “What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed.

"I'm going to bed," said Yoo Joonghyuk. Without waiting for acknowledgement from the others who were busy watching Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa struggle to hold Jung Heewon back, he left the room.

Kim Dokja stared at his back until it disappeared from sight, his heart beating a little too quickly in his chest.

***

[ Constellation Observatory ]

[Uriel]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Yi Sunsin]: Please stop screaming.

[Sun Wukong]: You've been screaming for five minutes already; my ears are starting to hurt.

[Uriel]: Don't resuscitate me after I die! My heart has completely melted.

[Bihyung]: Hey, uh, let's move on to our round of predictions, okay? Pick a whiteboard, everyone. The two people whose pictures are on the board are whom you're assigned to, and you'll have to guess who they're going to send their Heart Signal texts to tonight!

[Asmodeus]: I have Yoo Joonghyuk and Jang Hayoung.

[Yi Sunsin]: My assignments are Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa.

[Sun Wukong]: Looks like I have Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja.

[Uriel]: Jung Heewon and Kim Namwoon... Want to switch? I'll trade you Kim Namwoon for Kim Dokja!

[Sun Wukong]: Haha, I'm good.

[Bihyung]: How about we start with you, Asmodeus? Since you guessed the most correctly last time?

[Asmodeus]: Jang Hayoung's an interesting person. Although she sent a text to Yoo Joonghyuk last time, he clearly didn't reciprocate her affections and she looked rather rejected tonight. 

[Bihyung]: She's been talking to Kim Namwoon a lot tonight, hasn't she? She even leaned on him at one point.

[Uriel]: I feel like a lot of the girls were surprised when he revealed his age though. 20 is a bit too young.

[Sun Wukong]: She's only 23, it's not that big of an age difference.

[Asmodeus]: I disagree, I doubt she's interested in Kim Namwoon. I'm going to have to go with Yoo Joonghyuk again; there really are no other choices.

[Uriel]: Hmph. She could go for Kim Dokja.

[Sun Wukong]: What's with you and Kim Dokja?

[Asmodeus]: As for Yoo Joonghyuk, the answer is obvious: Lee Seolhwa.

[Yi Sunsin]: I agree. That's probably one of the most stable relationships on the show currently, despite him being in the centre of attention.

[Sun Wukong]: That's who I'd pick too.

[Uriel]: But...

[Bihyung]: Ah, did you want to go next?

[Uriel]: I'm just saying, if we made it possible for members of the same sex to message each other then maybe we'd see some really interesting results! I'm sure Han PD would agree with me!

[Asmodeus]: This is a dating show. They're here because they're attracted to members of the opposite sex, and they're looking for heterosexual relationships.

[Uriel]: No one asked for your opinion.

[Yi Sunsin]: Now, now, Uriel, who do you think Jung Heewon will text tonight?

[Uriel]: Lee Hyunsung. And Jang Hayoung for Kim Namwoon. I think he knows he has no hope with Lee Seolhwa.

[Sun Wukong]: Poor guy.

[Yi Sunsin]: Speaking of Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa, I guess I'll go next? Lee Hyunsung has been pretty obvious about how much he likes Jung Heewon, there's no surprise there. Lee Seolhwa's choice is also easy: Yoo Joonghyuk. Both pairings seemed fine with the careers and ages of their partners, so I doubt anything will change from yesterday.

[Bihyung]: Well put! It's hard to tell, but I think Yoo Joonghyuk looked pretty impressed when Lee Seolhwa revealed she was a practising doctor. The job definitely suits her; she's been very gentle with everyone.

[Uriel]: Yoo Joonghyuk looked more impressed when—

[Sun Wukong]: I guess I'm the last one left? It's funny that the two people I got—Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja—actually make up the halves of a relationship. I'm confident they'll be texting each other tonight.

[Yi Sunsin]: I'm surprised Kim Dokja didn't choose Yoo Sangah to go next during the career reveals.

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah, that's a bit of a mystery. They also didn't talk much while cooking dinner together, but the silence was comfortable and they worked well together.

[Uriel]: I don't think Kim Dokja really feels anything towards her right now.

[Asmodeus]: He was asking about her job and whether she liked it there or not. You'd have noticed if you were paying attention.

[Uriel]: Well, if you were paying attention, you would have noticed that he came off more as polite than genuinely curious. Yoo Sangah was the one initiating all their conversations tonight, and he mostly only reciprocated after being spoken to first.

[Sun Wukong]: I dunno, maybe he's just slow to warm up to people. I'm still going to stick with my guess.

[Bihyung]: Now that everyone's done making their predictions, it's time to reveal the Heart Signal Lines of tonight!

HEART SIGNAL LINES

Yoo Joonghyuk -> Lee Seolhwa

Kim Dokja -> Yoo Sangah

Lee Hyunsung -> Jung Heewon

Kim Namwoon -> Jang Hayoung

Lee Seolhwa -> Yoo Joonghyuk

Yoo Sangah -> Kim Dokja

Jung Heewon -> Lee Hyunsung

Jang Hayoung -> Kim Dokja

[Uriel]: I knew it! See, Jang Hayoung chose Kim Dokja! I'm proud of her, she has a good eye.

[Asmodeus]: She only chose him because there were no other options.

[Uriel]: You're just jealous you lost.

[Sun Wukong]: Huh, so the love polygons have really untangled themselves by now. I'm almost disappointed.

[Bihyung]: We'll be back after the commercial break to see how our incarnations will react to the texts they received...or didn't receive.

Chapter Text

He walks along the road, holding out his hand and letting his fingers catch on each bar of the fence surrounding the park near his apartment. He steps onto soft sand that shifts under his running shoes, and he makes his way towards his secret hiding spot under the slide. Mother usually comes back from work just when it's almost completely dark outside. She gets worried if he isn't back by then, so Kim Dokja always makes sure to keep track of the sun's path across the horizon. The trees are awash in the golden light of the sun, looking like someone dipped them leaves-first into sugary syrup. Which means it's around 6:00 pm. All the other kids are usually home for dinner by now, so he’s always alone here.

Today, though, he's not alone. 

There's a small boy around his age sitting in his spot with his back to the play structure. He's holding a Game Boy in his hands, and it's the newest model that Kim Dokja has only ever seen in department stores when Mom takes him shopping. He really wanted one for his birthday, but he knew better than to ask. Father gets mad if Mother spends too much money on him.

Kim Dokja ducks under the slide and stops in front of him. "You're in my spot,” he says. He’s a little hesitant about confronting someone directly, but it was his secret hideout first. No one has ever joined him here at this time before.

The boy looks up at him, then looks back down again. His school bag is lying beside him on the sand, which means that he hasn’t been home since school ended. 

Kim Dokja doesn’t want to go home either. The fact that the two of them are both stowaways excites him, and he already feels closer to this random kid than all the other boys in his class. This is a bond that no one else shares with him.

Shrugging off his school bag, he sits down beside the boy in the sand and crosses his legs. "...What game are you playing?"

The boy doesn't say anything. He's playing some kind of fighting game, and Kim Dokja can hear the tinny sounds of cheery music coming from the console. Kim Dokja takes out his own notebook and a pencil and cracks the notebook open, but he can't seem to concentrate enough to write anything down on the page. The music is really distracting.

"Can I watch?" he asks cautiously.

No reply.

Silence usually means no, but Kim Dokja is feeling extra brave right now. Making sure that the boy doesn't notice, he shifts on the sand until he's sitting a little closer to him so he can see the screen of the Game Boy.

Kim Dokja doesn't need to play video games to know that the boy is really good . He methodically works his way through all of the opponents, making quick work of them. He always beats them in just two matches and never has to engage in a third one. Kim Dokja is incredibly impressed, and he can't help but let out small exclamations of surprise whenever the boy successfully pulls off a complicated combo.

After a while, he notices that the boy has started tilting his screen a little to the left, like he's making sure Kim Dokja can see what he's doing.

"You're super good at this game," he says earnestly, because it’s true. "You're much better than all the kids I know."

The boy glances at him out of the corner of his eye. There's a faint hint of a smile on his face, and Kim Dokja smiles back at him as wide as he can. He's not going to mess up this chance to make a new friend. All the boys in his class already have their best friends and friend groups, and he's never been able to fit in with them. The only person who played with him before was a girl, and she moved away to America last year.

After playing for a while, the boy starts looking bored. After finishing his match, he sets his console down on his knees and glances over at Kim Dokja.

"What are you doing?" he asks. It's the first thing the boy's said to him since he arrived.

"I'm writing a book," Kim Dokja replies. It's not really a book, more like a journal of all the story ideas he gets when he’s daydreaming. But it sounds cooler when he says it like that, like he's an actual professional.

The boy nods like he understands though, which makes his chest feel warm. He has a really nice-looking face, Kim Dokja thinks. His black running shoes look really expensive too, and his clothes are crisp and brand new. Kim Dokja doesn't know how to properly describe it, but the boy looks like a novel protagonist; a hero. Or a prince.

"What's your name?" he asks, trying not to sound too eager.

"Joonghyuk."

"I'm Kim Dokja. Dokja, like 'only child’,” he says excitedly. He realizes he's being too loud and adds in a quieter voice, "Hey, when's your birthday?"

Joonghyuk presses his lips together in thought like he's not sure if he wants to tell him or not. But he does, in the end. "August."

"I’m born in February." Kim Dokja is the shortest boy in his class, and it’s rare for him to meet someone even shorter than he is. “Are you in third grade? I’m in Grade 4. You should call me hyung then.”

When he visited his aunt's place with his mother two years ago, he saw his older cousin defending his little brother from a bunch of bullies. His cousin had gotten in trouble with his uncle for fighting, but Kim Dokja had thought he was the bravest kid his age he had ever met. He wanted an older brother for a long time, and then he wanted to be an older brother to someone and be able to protect them as Mother protected him. He wants them to depend on him, to think he's important. But none of the other kids in his class really liked him, so he never got the chance to meet anyone like that.

Joonghyuk scrunches up his nose at the suggestion. "I’m in Grade 4 too."

“Oh. Okay, then we’re the same age.” That’s a little disappointing, but maybe it’s actually easier for them to become friends this way. "You can just call me Dokja then, and I'll call you Joonghyuk."

"Are you always this bossy?"

Kim Dokja's smile slips off his face. He knows he shouldn't be upset by a rude comment from a stranger who means nothing to him, but he can't help it. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Deep down inside, he knows it's his fault that none of his classmates want to hang out with him. He was too sensitive and had girly hobbies, like reading. 

They lapse into silence. Joonghyuk picks up his console again but doesn't start the game. Kim Dokja can hear the sounds of him flipping through the character selection screen, and he tries to ignore it. Maybe he should just go somewhere else and stop making a fool of himself.

Just when he's thinking about packing up his stuff and leaving, he hears a voice speak up beside him.

"Do you want a turn?"

He looks up from where he's flipping through his notebook, startled. Joonghyuk's holding out the console towards him, though his eyes are fixed on some faraway point in the distance. 

Kim Dokja smiles shyly at him. "Okay."

***

He woke up with a start. After fumbling around on his nightstand for his phone, he grabbed it and checked the time: 11:26. The bed on the other side of the room was empty; Lee Hyunsung had already left for work. Kim Dokja let his head drop back onto his pillow. He couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about, but he could feel the start of a migraine in his temple.

Surprisingly enough, Han Sooyoung was standing in the kitchen when he made his way downstairs after getting dressed. She was leaning against the counter, flipping through a sheath of papers with a look of concentration on her face. She glanced up, hearing the footsteps, and grinned. "Hey, you lazy bum. Do you always wake up at noon?"

"You're blocking the refrigerator," said Kim Dokja.

She clicked her tongue in annoyance and moved out of the way. He grabbed a carton of orange juice and poured himself a glass. Between sips of his juice, he asked, "What are you looking at? Your bank statement?"

"I'd frame my bank statements and keep them on the wall if I had as much money in my account as you do," she retorted. "Sadly, I'm a working-class woman and too busy working on the show to jerk myself off over my account balance. So no, I’m not looking at my bank statement."

Kim Dokja blinked in surprise at the vehemence in her reply. "Are you still mad that Jung Heewon accused you of embezzlement last night?"

"Of course I'm not mad," she scoffed. She was clearly still mad. "She's an idiot; why would I ever do something that would land me in jail? I value my freedom over anything else."

"What are you spending your budget on then?" he asked curiously. "Rent for the mansion? The cameramen's salaries? Lee Jihye’s non-existent salary?"

She sighed and shuffled through her papers, making them rustle loudly. "Do you know how expensive the celebrity guests are? My funds are getting drained faster than a politician's stash of cocaine during election season. I should have just stuck with 4 celebrity guests, not 5. Damn it!"

"That's a terrible metaphor," he told her. "Who are you even inviting as the observers? I thought you said you were going to stick to lesser-known celebrities to save money."

"I was , but then I realized I needed some sort of viewership guarantee to appease the sponsors. Luckily one of the guests gave me a discounted rate because she's a fan, or else I would've had to sell my kidney to pay her. Or your kidney."

"If she's a fan of Yoo Joonghyuk, shouldn't she not want him to find a girlfriend?"

Han Sooyoung stared at him for a few seconds before looking away. "I have no idea what's going on in her head and I don't want to know either."

Kim Dokja silently agreed with her. He was friends with one of his most loyal readers and followed her on Twitter, and the sheer amount of wank he had seen in her retweets had long since convinced him that getting involved in celebrity fandoms was a bad idea. [Judge of Fire] might have the nerves of steel required for it, but he did not. The shipping wank alone in the comments section of his own webnovels already gave him a headache, and that was only a tiny sampler of the sort of drama on other platforms.

"By the way," Kim Dokja said as an afterthought, "I remember you said something one of the female guests here being my type when you were trying to convince me to sign up. Who were you referring to? Or can you not tell me, because that would interfere with the show?"

Han Sooyoung waved her hand. "Does it matter now? Clearly she wasn't your type in the end."

"Oh? So who is my type then, Director Sooyoung, in your esteemed professional opinion?"

"You really want to know?" she asked dryly.

"Why are you talking about it like it's some sort of exciting revelation? Isn’t it just Sangah-ssi?"

Han Sooyoung smirked at him. "Yeah, I see why you might think that."

"What are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing." She slid a piece of paper across the counter towards him. "Anyway, here are the instructions for planning the date this weekend. The guys will be in charge of coming up with date ideas and writing them down on cards, and the crew will place them into anonymous envelopes. Then the girls will have their pick of which one they want to go on. I'm giving you a head start here by showing you the instructions before anyone else, so use it wisely."

Kim Dokja scanned the text on the paper. Most of it was empty fluff used to pad out the word count. He felt like Lee Jihye probably had a hand in writing this. "So basically, there's no guarantee who you'll end up on a date with."

"Yep, it's completely up to the girls which one they pick," Han Sooyoung said with conviction.

He hadn't known this woman for half a decade for nothing; Kim Dokja could easily tell she was lying through her teeth. "You're going to do something to these 'anonymous' envelopes, aren't you."

"I'm not going to force the girls to pick someone in particular. I'm not a sadist," she replied, sounding offended that he'd think so lowly of her. "But yeah, if you want to know, I will be adding an element of randomization into the process. Just to make things more challenging."

Having finished his juice, Kim Dokja rinsed his empty glass under the tap. "What's the point of randomizing everything?" he asked over the sound of running water. "Wouldn't the viewers want to see their preferred couples go on dates together, and not two people who can't even stand each other?"

"How will you know it's true love if you don't put it to the test?" she shot back, sounding passionate. "Besides, haven't you noticed that the relationships on this show have basically stabilized?"

She was right. He was pretty sure that Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk were consistently texting each other, while Yoo Sangah and he were also texting each other. Even Jung Heewon seemed to be warming up to Lee Hyunsung. Meanwhile, Jang Hayoung had pretty much given up on Yoo Joonghyuk. Dating shows thrived on romances and love triangles, which meant that the current situation was a little lacking in the drama department.

"Stability is stale ," Han Sooyoung complained. "There are still six episodes left and we're not going to be introducing any new inhabitants, so I have to shake things up some other way. You'll still get to spend time with the others during the weekend, so don't cry if you get stuck on a date with Jung Heewon for one day."

"I don't mind going on a date with her," he said mildly, drying his hands on a towel.

It was true. He didn't exactly mind it per se, but he also hoped it wouldn't happen. They were both so firmly in the mutual friend zone that it would just be awkward, and he also didn't want to get in Lee Hyunsung's way.

Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes. "You never mean what you say. Why didn't you drop a hint last night about your fat wallet? You know everyone thinks you're a struggling artist getting paid minimum wage to write erotica, right? The fact that you were so cagey about your pen name makes you look even more sketchy."

Kim Dokja grimaced. 

"Seriously, Kim Dokja." Han Sooyoung exhaled through her nose. "You're never going to find anyone if you don't open yourself up to the people you meet. If you actually like Yoo Sangah, then try to trust her. Don't worry about the show. I promised that I'll edit out anything too personal, didn't I? When have I ever broken a promise that's not money-related?"

"I should plan a date that Sangah-ssi would want to go on then," he said slowly.

Han Sooyoung slapped her hand over her face. "That was the opposite of what I was trying to tell you," she said, sounding exasperated. “Are you doing this on purpose?”

"So you're saying I should choose somewhere I want to go, and see who joins me there?"

"I'll give you full marks for effort," she said sarcastically. "But yeah. You’re not going to end up with someone you’re expecting anyway, so you might as well pick an activity you like. And who knows? You might even end up having fun."

"Thanks for cursing me.”

Han Sooyoung checked the time on her phone and groaned. "Ugh, I have to head back to the office. I probably won't be there tonight, but the crew members and Jihye should take care of anything. Good luck, Kim Dokja! You'll need it."

"Bye."

After a few seconds, she poked her head back into the kitchen. "Don't you dare tell anyone else what I told you," she threatened.

"Just leave already."

***

[ Constellation Observatory ]

On the screen, a hand belonging to Lee Jihye deposited a handful of multi-coloured envelopes onto the low table in the girls' bedroom. There were no names on any of the envelopes.

[Uriel]: It's happening! Wow, I really hope they'll be able to guess correctly! Especially since the envelope colours are all random...

[Bihyung]: They don't know the envelope colours are randomized, do they?

"Thank you," said Lee Seolhwa. "They all look very nice, I'm sure the guys spent a lot of time making the cards. Who wants to pick first?"

Both Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Sangah had their eyes on a blue envelope that looked relatively plain. 

[Sun Wukong]: Huh, you can really feel the tension in the air. 

[Asmodeus]: All's fair in love and war.

"Hayoung-ssi can go first," Yoo Sangah said encouragingly.

"Oh, is it alright if I do?" Jang Hayoung asked, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "I think I'll pick this one." She plucked a pastel pink envelope off the table and started breaking open the seal.

[Uriel]: Does anyone remember which guy that card belonged to? Ahhh, the segment with the guys flashed by so quickly that I can't recall!

[Sun Wukong]: I think you were just too busy paying attention to other things.

[Yi Sunshin]: It's very kind of Yoo Sangah to let Jang Hayoung have the first pick, especially since she's been in low spirits the whole day. I admire her sense of justice.

[Bihyung]: Indeed.

Jung Heewon looked relieved. "Should we still go by age, or can we have a free-for-all?" she asked. "Not going to lie, I kind of want to see what's in the silver envelope. Green looks too earthy and nature-oriented, and I really don't want to go hiking or something."

"We can always show each other contents after we open them," Yoo Sangah suggested, ever the mediator.

"I guess that's fair." Jung Heewon looked appeased.

Lee Seolhwa nodded too, and they each reached for an envelope.

[Uriel]: Open it open it open it!

[Asmodeus]: Interesting. Yoo Sangah and Lee Seolhwa reached for the blue envelope at the same time, but then Lee Seolhwa either changed her mind or decided to let her have it, because she changed directions and picked the green one instead. 

[Yi Sunshin]: How very noble of her.

[Bihyung]: Green, nature...Lee Seolhwa really likes plants and animals, right? I guess she wouldn't mind if it's an outdoor activity.

"Ooh, mine's a movie and coffee," Jang Hayoung said cheerfully. She looked pretty pleased. "I wonder what movie we're going to watch?"

[Uriel]: This feels like Kim Dokja's card! The handwriting seems like it would belong to him as well, and the tone of the message fits his personality.

[Asmodeus]: Not necessarily. There's not enough information to tell.

[Uriel]: We'll see. I still think it's him.

"'Meet you at the Constellation Mall on Saturday'," Jung Heewon read out loud. "Isn't that where the kimchi museum is? I guess that’s cool. What does yours say, Sangah-ssi?"

"I think we're going to the Ihwa Mural Village, though I admit the card is pretty cryptic," she said, smiling. "I feel like this might be Dokja-ssi's? He's a writer, and I get the feeling he also appreciates art."

[Asmodeus]: Good logical deduction.

"That makes sense," said Jung Heewon. "Yeah, I feel like mine might be from Hyunsung-ssi. He knows I’ve been to the rice cake museum before."

Jang Hayoung looked slightly disappointed at Yoo Sangah's words. Turning to Lee Seolhwa, she asked, "Where is your date, Seolhwa-ssi?"

"I think we're playing some kind of game," she replied. "An escape room, maybe? Or some kind of maze?"

“Sounds like fun,” said Jung Heewon. “Do you know which escape room it is?”

“It doesn’t say.”

“That would probably be from Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi then, right?”

[Sun Wukong]: That sounds like something Yoo Joonghyuk would be interested in. Both he and Lee Hyunsung are the active types that work out regularly, and Yoo Joonghyuk definitely has a competitive streak.

[Bihyung]: Agreed.

[Uriel]: Would Yoo Joonghyuk really want to do an escape room? He seems more like the type that would just break out of it through brute force.

[Yi Sunshin]: He does seem like someone who'd prefer something more direct, or an activity with more freedom.

"Yeah, that sounds like something that guy would want to do," Jung Heewon piped up. "So...the movie date's Kim Namwoon, the escape room's Yoo Joonghyuk, the mall date is Hyunsung-ssi, and the mural village is Dokja-ssi?"

"I think it's totally possible Dokja-ssi would want to watch a movie together," said Jang Hayoung, looking determined. "And Namwoon-ssi watches a lot of true crime shows and he's pretty active too; maybe he's the one who chose the escape room?"

[Uriel]: Oooh, she has a point. I want to agree with Jung Heewon but I can't, sorry!

[Bihyung]: Yeah. Escape rooms are pretty popular among young people nowadays.

Lee Seolhwa smoothed her fingers over her card. "You're right, that is likely. Kim Namwoon also seems like he would enjoy spending time at the mall...this is rather puzzling."

"I doubt Dokja-ssi would choose a pink envelope though," Jung Heewon said, looking at her own silver envelope. "He doesn't seem like the type to make such a gamble. I think whoever wrote that card was gunning for you, Hayoung-ssi. You should go for it."

[Uriel]: Oh no...they've fallen into the director's trap!

Jang Hayoung flushed a little at the insinuation. "Ah, you're right. I'm really overthinking this, aren't I?"

"Either way, I like the colour silver." Jung Heewon stretched her arms above her head with a yawn. "I think I'm pretty satisfied with my decision."

"I'm happy with my choice as well," said Yoo Sangah, sliding her card back into its envelope carefully. "I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow, right?"

The screen faded to black.

Chapter Text

"You're doing it wrong," says Joonghyuk, annoyed. "Look, your opponent's a Grass-type, so that means you—don't pick Psyduck, why the hell would you pick Psyduck? "

By now, Kim Dokja was familiar enough with him that he wasn't afraid of saying something wrong and accidentally making him mad anymore. "I like Psyduck the best," he replies mildly. "And you shouldn't swear."

Joonghyuk glares at him and crosses his arms over his chest. "Who cares, it—no, don't choose that move! It doesn't even do anything."

Kim Dokja doesn't know why Joonghyuk called him bossy when they first met, because Joonghyuk is clearly the bossiest out of the two of them.

"How are you supposed to win if you keep choosing the wrong type of Pokemon?" Joonghyuk continues, sounding frustrated. "It's all about the strategy—"

Onscreen, Kim Dokja's opponent trips over itself and empties the rest of its HP bar. It dissolves into a smattering of pixels and disappears.

"Ah. I won," he says wonderingly.

"But you didn't catch it."

"Don't nitpick." He passes the Game Boy back to Joonghyuk, who looks irritated that his advice was disregarded. “Here, it's your turn again. Show me how it's done then, Master."

"Fine." Joonghyuk is ridiculously easy to please for someone who looks so frowny all the time. "Watch closely. This enemy is a Fire-type, so you want to pick a Water-type Pokemon to counter it..."

He rests his chin in his hands and stares at Joonghyuk, who's explaining his strategy with a look of utmost concentration. Today is the fifth time they've met in the playground in the evening, and he's still a little amazed that it's actually happening. On the third day, they moved out from under the slide and onto a park bench where the lighting was better.

Kim Dokja is good at reading people; he can always tell the difference between Father's good days, bad days, and his really bad days. It's why he can tell Joonghyuk likes being praised. He might pretend he doesn't care, but he always smiles a little whenever Kim Dokja tells him he's really good at gaming. So he makes sure to praise Joonghyuk as much as he can so that he'll keep wanting to hang out with him.

"Are you even listening?"

He startles a little bit. "Of course! You were talking about how I shouldn't choose the same type of Pokemon as my opponent's."

Joonghyuk presses his lips together. "But you weren't watching me play."

"I was."

"No you weren't. You were staring at my face, not the screen." 

Kim Dokja can feel his cheeks warm. "...You have a nice face."

Joonghyuk raises his eyebrows. "So?"

"So I like looking at it."

Joonghyuk looks like he isn't sure if he should feel flattered or offended, so instead, he just settles for looking constipated. "Whatever. Do you want to do the next gym battle?"

"Okay."

He loses the gym battle. Joonghyuk tells him he sucks, but he doesn't mind because everyone sucks at gaming compared to Joonghyuk. As he watches him play, he realizes that there's one very big problem: it's the weekend tomorrow.

Kim Dokja hates weekends. He doesn't have any friends to meet up with, and it's always awkward to walk through the park alone when everyone else is having fun in a group. Mother has work too, so it's not like he gets to spend that much more time with her. And as for Joonghyuk, he isn't sure if they're still going to meet up tomorrow. What if he has actual friends to play with on Saturdays? Or if he prefers to stay at home since there's no school? Does this mean that they're not going to see each other for two days? What if he forgets all about him by the time Monday comes?

Joonghyuk seems to notice that he's suddenly gone quiet, because he pauses the game and sets his console down. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

"You're really bad at lying," Joonghyuk says bluntly. 

Kim Dokja picks at the edge of his shorts, where there's a tiny hole in the fabric that Mother didn't have time to patch up for him. He sticks his pinky through it. "Hey, Joonghyuk...are we friends?"

There's no response, and Kim Dokja hurriedly backtracks. "I mean, it's okay if you don't think we are or if you don't want to be. I'm just, um, asking."

"Are you an idiot?" demands Joonghyuk. His eyebrows are all scrunched together. "Of course we're friends. I don't hang out with people I can't stand."

Kim Dokja's chest fills with warmth, and he has to remind himself not to come off as too desperate, or else that'd be creepy. "Then can we meet tomorrow too?"

Joonghyuk gives him a weird look. "Sure. Let's not meet at the park though, there are too many people here on weekends."

"Yes! Okay."

"So where do you want to meet then?" Joonghyuk asks slowly, like he's trying not to scare him away.

No one but his mother ever cares about Kim Dokja's opinion, and he has a hard time coming up with what to say. He's never really explored the neighbourhood before. "Uh, we can go to the convenience store? If you want. They have popsicles. We don't have to if you don't want to."

"Sure. What game should I play tomorrow?"

Kim Dokja blinks in confusion. "I don't know? They're your games, you don't have to ask my opinion."

"I've beaten them all already so I don't care," Joonghyuk says arrogantly. "You can pick which one you want to play. Or maybe I'll bring them all."

"Then, I like the one today best," Kim Dokja replies, smiling so hard his face kind of hurts. "Have you caught all the Pokemon before?"

"I don't catch the ugly ones," says Joonghyuk.

The reply is so unexpected that Kim Dokja laughs; when he looks over at Joonghyuk, the boy is smiling too. It's a very nice smile.

"You're my first boy friend," he tells him.

Joonghyuk chokes on his own saliva and coughs. "What? "

Kim Dokja gives him a confused look, not sure why he's so surprised. Did he really look like someone with a lot of friends? "You're the first friend I've had who's a boy."

"Are you doing this on purpose?" Joonghyuk asks, after a long pause.

"Doing what on purpose?"

"Never mind." Joonghyuk sighs and looks up at the sky. "It's getting late. When are you heading back for dinner?"

Kim Dokja shifts uncomfortably on the bench. For the first time, his reluctance to head home isn't because of who's waiting there, but because he's having too much fun to leave. "If it's getting late, then why don't you go home?" he deflects.

"Because no one's there. Why don't you go home?

"Because. I don't want to."

"Then we'll stay here together."

Joonghyuk says it with an air of finality like he's deciding for the both of them. Kim Dokja lets him.

***

[Constellation Observatory]

Saturday morning dawned bright and clear in Seoul. White clouds floated lazily through the blue summer skies, while the green leaves of the trees rustled in the breeze.

[Uriel]: Ahh it's time! I can't wait to find out who's going on a date with whom!

[Bihyung]: Which dates did the girls pick again? Jang Hayoung picked the movie date, right? 

[Sun Wukong]: Jung Heewon picked the mall date, Lee Seolhwa picked the escape room, and Yoo Sangah's going to the mural village.

Kim Namwoon woke up first at 7:00 am. He headed straight into the kitchen and removed a mysterious white plastic bag from the back of the fridge.

[Yi Sunshin]: I'm surprised Kim Namwoon was the first one to wake up, I thought he would have taken the opportunity to sleep in.

[Bihyung]: He does have morning classes, so I guess he's more used to waking up early than some of the others.

[Yi Sunshin]: You mean Jung Heewon, who works night shifts?

[Asmodeus]: Kim Dokja also wakes up late even though he doesn't go to work.

[Uriel]: It's not because he's lazy, it's because he's busy writing at night!

[Asmodeus]: I wasn't trying to imply anything. You're overreacting.

[Uriel]: You'd better not be.

[Sun Wukong]: Wait, what's he doing?

Making sure that no one (other than the cameraman) was watching him, he untied the bag and took out various small containers with the logo of a popular restaurant on them. He then opened the cabinet doors and took out two cute lavender plastic bento boxes, which he started to fill with the contents of the food containers.

[Uriel]: NO...don't tell me he's pretending he cooked lunch for his date?!

[Sun Wukong]: Hahahaha! No one but the crew and us will figure it out before it's too late. Poor girl.

[Yi Sunshin]: Maybe he's not trying to pass it off as his own, but just packing everything into a box that is easier to carry?

[Bihyung]: Somehow I doubt it.

[Yi Sunshin]: Hm. I can't agree with his dishonesty.

[Asmodeus]: Women do like men who know how to cook, and I suppose that's just his way of ensuring his victory over the others. Perfectly understandable.

After finishing this task, Kim Namwoon stuck both bento boxes in the microwave and set the timer to 3 minutes. He packed the now-empty food containers back into the plastic bag and threw it into the trash.

[Uriel]: Yikes!

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah, I wouldn't want to eat that. Won't it be all soggy by lunch time?

The scene cut to the girls' side, where 3 out of the 4 girls—Yoo Sangah, Jang Hayoung, and Lee Seolhwa—were already awake and milling about the common area. In the darkened bedroom, the back of Jung Heewon's head could be seen poking out from under her covers.

Lee Seolhwa was applying lipstick in the mirror, while Yoo Sangah was already fully dressed and checking through the items in her purse one last time.

"Have fun on your date," Lee Seolhwa told her with a smile.

"Thank you! You too, Seolhwa-ssi."

Jang Hayoung waved at her a little less enthusiastically than usual. "See you later, Sangah-ssi!"

"Bye!"

[Yi Sunshin]: I wonder who will be waiting for her at the mural village. Perhaps it's Kim Dokja?

The scene cut back to the guys. Lee Hyunsung was dressed in a navy button-down with his shirt-sleeves rolled up, showing off his impressive biceps. He discreetly wiped the sweat off his forehead as he waited on a bench in what looked like a small park.

[Sun Wukong]: Don't tell me he's the one meeting her?

[Bihyung]: No...I think it's just the director's way of building suspense by interspersing unrelated shots.

The scene cut to Jung Heewon. Despite having dark circles under her eyes from her night shift on Friday, there was a decided spring to her step as she walked along the sidewalk.

[Uriel]: Doesn't she look great? I'm so happy for her.

[Sun Wukong]: I thought Kim Dokja was your favourite?

[Uriel]: I can have multiple favourites!

The scene cut to Jang Hayoung, who was wearing a white dress that billowed around her legs. The corner of a pink envelope peeked out from her purse as she pushed open a set of glass doors.

The scene changed. Yoo Joonghyuk was wearing a black face mask as he leaned against the wall, scrolling through his phone with one hand. Suddenly, he looked up, like he saw someone in the distance.

[Asmodeus]: Are they going to meet?

The scene cut again. Lee Seolhwa strolled towards the camera, her hair tied up in a ponytail. She had opted for a more casual outfit today. As she drew nearer, her lips parted in astonishment.

[Yi Sunshin]: Is Yoo Joonghyuk the person she saw?

[Sun Wukong]: Wait, her shot was outdoors, but he was indoors...this doesn't bode well.

The scene cut to Kim Dokja. He was sitting at a table with a vague expression and two cups of coffee. He looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps.

[Uriel]: AaaAAAAaaaAAAAHH! Who is it going to be?

"Oh...hello," said Yoo Sangah, coming to a stop. Her expression was carefully neutral. "I'm sorry, did you wait long?"

[Bihyung]: Is the person she's meeting Kim Dokja?

[Yi Sunshin]: I guess Yoo Sangah did pick the right card after all. Congratulations to her.

[Sun Wukong]: Just a minute. If you look at the background of the shots, they're not exactly the same—

Kim Namwoon hopped off from the fence he was sitting on and almost dropped the stuff he was carrying when he looked up. Contrary to Yoo Sangah's polite smile, his face was frozen in an expression of shock. "Wait, it's you?! Shit, I mean...uh...you look nice today."

"Thank you," Yoo Sangah answered.

The two of them stood around awkwardly for a bit, both looking unsure of what to say.

[Sun Wukong]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Uriel]: I feel kind of bad for her, even though I don't particularly support the ship.

[Bihyung]: He was clearly expecting Jang Hayoung to come. What a headache.

[Yi Sunshin]: This is karmic retribution for trying to pass off store-bought food as his own cooking, I see.

[Asmodeus]: Hmmmmm.

Kim Namwoon swallowed and scratched his neck. "So, uh, do you want to tour the mural village with me?" he offered, extending an arm towards her.

Yoo Sangah hesitated for a fraction of a second, then placed her hand on the crook of his elbow. "That sounds great, Namwoon-ssi," she said encouragingly. "Is there some kind of route we should follow?"

The tension dissipated from Kim Namwoon's shoulders, and his voice reverted back to its usual drawl. "Don't worry, noona, I've got this all planned out for us..."

[Sun Wukong]: She hesitated before taking his arm.

[Yi Sunshin]: I feel like she decided to take it in the end so he wouldn't feel dejected. He is the youngest out of all of them, and I feel like Yoo Sangah is trying her best not to hurt his feelings by looking too disappointed. 

[Sun Wukong]: A perfect sister-brother relationship.

[Uriel]: Oooh, are we switching scenes already?

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes narrowed. "It's you," he said in a low voice.

Jung Heewon's expression was equally sour. "I should be the one saying that." Sighing, she added, "Please tell me we're visiting the kimchi museum today. At least then this farce would be vaguely bearable."

[Sun Wukong]: Pfffft, what are these matches made in hell?

[Asmodeus]: That's...unexpected, to say the least.

[Yi Sunshin]: I did not anticipate that Yoo Joonghyuk would be the one to pick the mall for their date at all.

[Uriel]: Back when Jung Heewon was reading her card, the short sentence on it did feel like it was something Yoo Joonghyuk would say.

[Sun Wukong]: 'Meet you at Constellation Mall on Saturday'?

[Uriel]: Yes, that! It's hard to distinguish the tone of a written sentence, and I think Jung Heewon mistakenly thought the sentence was short because the writer was too shy to write more.

[Yi Sunshin]: And thus she guessed that it was Lee Hyunsung, who is the type to be embarrassed about romantic things. I see.

"Kimchi museum?" Yoo Joonghyuk repeated coldly. "We're going to the aquarium."

[Uriel]: I totally forgot there was an aquarium at that mall!

[Bihyung]: It all makes sense now. Lee Seolhwa likes animals and biology, and obviously Yoo Joonghyuk kept that in mind when planning the date.

[Asmodeus]: He should've written something more easily identifiable on the card.

"The what? Ugh, but that's so boring." Jung Heewon turned to the cameras with a scowl on her face. "Is it too late to swap dates with Seolhwa-ssi? Can I go somewhere else?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes darkened in displeasure at her words. "You're going to the aquarium whether you like it or not."

"How about you go to the aquarium alone, and I'll go check out the kimchi museum?"

"No."

Jung Heewon took a deep breath in and exhaled. This shot of her face was from a different angle than the one previously, meaning some time had elapsed and she had possibly come to an agreement with the crew in the meantime. "Okay. Fine. I can appreciate fish. I love eating fish. Let's go."

She stormed towards the entrance of the aquarium while Yoo Joonghyuk trailed after her with a look of indifference.

[Sun Wukong]: Don't tell me the one on a date with Lee Seolhwa is...

"Good morning, Hyunsung-ssi."

Lee Hyunsung immediately jumped to his feet at the sight of her. "Seolhwa-ssi?" he gaped. "...Ah, good morning!"

"The weather's rather nice today, isn't it?" Lee Seolhwa asked with a small smile. "What kind of game are we playing today?"

Although they both weren't the other's first choice for a date, the atmosphere between them was still comfortable and friendly.

[Bihyung]: ALL the girls' guesses were wrong. Who would have thought?

[Yi Sunshin]: This is an interesting dynamic. Lee Hyunsung has been driving Lee Seolhwa to work all this week, and they've always gotten along well. I've always wanted to see them interact more outside of those trips.

[Sun Wukong]: There's actually potential here. It might actually do them good to spend time away from their 'default' partners and explore their options.

[Bihyung]: Lee Hyunsung is a completely different type of man from Yoo Joonghyuk. Yoo Joonghyuk brings out the calmer and more independent side of her personality since he gives her a lot of room to herself. They're polar opposites. But with Lee Hyunsung, the flow of the conversation is much more fast-paced and casual.

[Yi Sunshin]: If I were Lee Seolhwa, I would prefer spending time with someone more similar to me. Like Lee Hyunsung.

[Bihyung]: Indeed; Lee Seolhwa and Lee Hyunsung are pretty similar personality-wise.

[Asmodeus]: Hmmm. Opposites do attract, however.

[Uriel]: You're just salty your predictions were wrong.

[Sun Wukong]: I love watching the drama unfold. Can we get a bag of popcorn? Or sunflower seeds?

"It's a mystery-oriented escape room," Lee Hyunsung replied, looking sheepish. "Since I'm a policeman, I thought it might be interesting if we tried solving a murder case one. That is, if you don't mind?"

"Of course not," she assured him warmly. "I've always been interested in forensics, and I've dealt with my fair share of bloody situations during my ER rotation. Shall we go?"

Lee Hyunsung looked relieved, and the two of them headed down the street together.

[Uriel]: That was a solid choice for a date, actually! I 100% agree with the reasoning behind it. Too bad Jung Heewon isn't here.

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah, he really outdid himself. Good for him.

[Bihyung]: This means that the last couple is Kim Dokja and Jang Hayoung, right?

[Uriel]: Yes!

[Asmodeus]: The girl got her wish in the end.

[Yi Sunshin]: I wonder if Kim Dokja is the kind of person who would send a text to the girl he went on a date with out of politeness, or would he send it to Yoo Sangah tonight regardless?

[Bihyung]: I guess we'll find out soon.

***

"Dokja-ssi?"

Kim Dokja looked up at the sound of his name. Jang Hayoung was standing in front of him in a white dress, her cheeks flushed a delicate pink. Even though he knew his luck was terrible and he probably wouldn't be meeting with Yoo Sangah, he was still pretty surprised that the person who showed up was Jang Hayoung. But then again, he had received 2 texts the last time they sent them to each other so he probably should have expected this scenario.

"Hello," he said, standing up and greeting her. "Do you want some coffee? I wasn't sure what you usually get, so I just ordered a vanilla latte."

"Thanks! I love lattes." She glanced up at him through her lashes. "Dokja-ssi, which movie are we watching today?"

"Falling Blossoms in the Dark. It's a psychological horror movie."

Jang Hayoung choked on her latte, and Kim Dokja politely offered her a napkin to wipe her mouth with. "A, a horror movie?"

"Yes. It's based on a webnovel I've read before, so I thought it might be interested to see how the adaptation is." Noticing the growing look of alarm on Jang Hayoung's face, Kim Dokja hastily backtracked, "Of course, we don't have to see it if you don't want to. I'm sure there are plenty of other options."

"No, a horror movie is fine!" Jang Hayoung replied in a high voice. "Of course we can watch it. Um, so what's the movie about?"

They started heading towards the movie theatre as the one lonely cameraman assigned to them followed a few steps behind. He wasn't going to be watching the movie with them, apparently, even though Kim Dokja had offered to buy him a ticket out of politeness. Some of the passersby gave them weird looks, but everyone was so used to seeing filmings of reality TV shows by now that they soon lost interest.

"It's based on the tragic legend of the 'Women of the Caves'," Kim Dokja explained. "Young women who were betrothed to the Cave God their tribe worshipped were forced to fast for three days and three nights until their tears could make flowers fall from trees. After the marriage ritual, they were brought to the caves without any food or water. The women would spend the last years of their lives in solitude, living off well water, rodents, and insects—" Jang Hayoung's face seemed many shades paler than normal. Oh no. "—and that's basically what the movie is about."

There was an awkward pause.

"The movie's not actually that gruesome," he amended, trying to soften the blow. But the damage was already done. "Everything's highly metaphorical and fantastical because we're watching the delusions and flashbacks of the main character as she slowly goes insane in the darkness."

"That's," said Jang Hayoung, "interesting."

The cameraman gave him a discreet thumbs-down. Kim Dokja wondered if Yoo Sangah would have appreciated his movie choice, but probably not. In retrospect, the only other person amongst them who could stomach such a movie at 11:00 am on Saturday morning was Yoo Joonghyuk, who was an emotionless gaming robot. Even Lee Hyunsung probably would have been disturbed. Or worried that Kim Dokja was secretly a serial killer and arrested him on the spot.

Damn it, he really didn't think this through. He should have just planned a date at the aquarium or somewhere equally benign, even if he did want to watch the movie.

They arrived at the theatres in silence.

"I'll leave you guys here for now," the cameraman said, shutting off his equipment. "I'll be back when the movie ends, so don't go anywhere without me, okay?"

"Of course. Thank you for your hard work," Kim Dokja told him.

"Thank you. Take care," Jang Hayoung chimed in. She still sounded a little numb.

The cameraman shot Kim Dokja a disapproving look and left. The two of them handed the staff member their tickets and entered the movie theatres. 

"We have fifteen minutes before the movie starts. I can go buy the popcorn for us," he offered. There was not much he could do to make up for his misstep, but at least he could make sure she didn't go hungry.

"It's all right, I can come with you."

They lined up together. "How has your week been, Dokja-ssi?" asked Jang Hayoung, with renewed vigour.

Kim Dokja was glad that she seemed to have recovered from the shock. "It's been good. I really enjoyed meeting everyone at the house. How was yours?"

"I ran into a few problems at work, but overall it's been great." Jang Hayoung bit her lip. "I know I'm not who you were expecting, but I really liked the card you made, Dokja-ssi."

He was surprised; he didn't really have much artistic talent, so he hadn't really decorated the card at all. "Thank you?"

"The gold embossing on the envelope was really nice," she continued. "I have a soft spot for pastel colours, so it really caught my eye."

"What envelope?"

Jang Hayoung frowned, peering up at him curiously. "I meant the pink envelope the card was in."

"I see." This was awkward. "I'm sorry, but we didn't actually choose the envelopes our cards were placed in; the director did. So the envelope colours were actually randomized."

Jang Hayoung's eyes widened in disbelief. 

Kim Dokja couldn't bear to look at her. Thankfully it was their turn to order, so he could distract himself by talking to the cashier. "We'll get two bags of popcorn and two drinks, please. Hayoung-ssi, what kind of drink would you like?" He glanced over at Jang Hayoung, who looked even more disillusioned than before. He didn't even know it was possible to disappoint someone so many times in one day. It was a new low, even for him. "Hayoung-ssi?"

"I'll have iced tea," she said curtly.

After receiving their purchases, they made their way over to the nearly empty Theatre 4 and sat down in one of the back rows. There were not a lot of people who wanted to watch a horror movie this early in the morning, apparently.

Jang Hayoung shivered a little as she sat down, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Are you all right?" Kim Dokja asked her.

Jang Hayoung's eyes softened at his question. "I'm fine, it's just a bit cold in here."

"Yes, I suspect it's a side-effect of global warming," he replied. Global warming was a good topic for small talk.

"...We're indoors."

Oh. "Right."

The atmosphere surrounding them remained stone-cold throughout the whole movie. It was a pretty good movie overall, and just as metaphorical as he had predicted. Jang Hayoung didn't look particularly scared by the scenes, merely unsettled and kind of grossed out. Kim Dokja admired her ability to adapt to all scenarios.

Their cameraman reappeared at their side after they exited the theatre. There wasn't much for him to film; the aura of intense awkwardness between them was impermeable to all attempts at making conversation. After a while, the guy sighed and turned off his equipment again.

"You know," said the cameraman, "I think I'm just going to call it a day. I've got enough material for the episode."

"Goodbye," Kim Dokja and Jang Hayoung chorused.

The man sent Kim Dokja one more disapproving look before he left the mall, which he admittedly deserved.

"Is there anywhere you'd like to go?" Kim Dokja inquired, turning to his date. "Are you—"

"Hayoung-ah!" Jung Heewon materialized out of thin air and latched onto Jang Hayoung, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. "What a coincidence. I've missed you."

Three cameramen, Lee Jihye, and to Kim Dokja's surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk, trailed after her at a much slower pace.

"Heewon-unnie?" Jang Hayoung gasped. "Were you also on a date here?"

"Yeah, we went to the aquarium. It sucked," groaned Jung Heewon. "All the fish looked the same, and the squids were super ugly."

In hindsight, Kim Dokja was immensely relieved that he hadn't been on a date with Jung Heewon. He almost felt bad for Yoo Joonghyuk, who looked like his soul had already left his body.

"What were you guys up to?"

"We just finished watching a horror movie."

"Horror?" Jung Heewon asked incredulously. "Who in their right mind takes their date to see a horror movie on Saturday morning?"

Jang Hayoung smiled sheepishly at her. "It was a pretty good film though. There was a lot of artistic merit."

"You don't have to defend him," Jung Heewon told her. "Did you have lunch yet? No? Come on, Hayoung-ah, I'll treat you to lunch upstairs."

"Wait, Heewon-unnie, I—"

But Jung Heewon had already grabbed her by the arm and dragged her towards the elevators, taking half the cameramen with them. Before she left, she winked at Kim Dokja like she was doing him a favour. What kind of favour, he had no idea. Maybe she'd picked up on the fact that he wasn't interested in Jang Hayoung?

With the two women gone, all there were only four of them left.

"Hello," he said to Yoo Joonghyuk, smiling pleasantly. "How was your date?" 

"None of your business," Yoo Joonghyuk shot back. There was no heat in his tone; he just sounded tired.

They now shared the bond of the Terrible Date. It was a very unique connection, one that transcended the bounds of personality differences and spiritual distance. 

"The girls left so that means we're done here, right?" Yoo Joonghyuk's cameraman asked eagerly. "My girlfriend's waiting for me, can I go home?"

"I guess," Lee Jihye said cautiously. "I won't tell Sooyoung-unnie if you don't."

"Deal," the man replied, packing up his stuff and disappearing into the crowd at record speed.

Lee Jihye turned to Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk with a grin. Well, she was mostly staring at Yoo Joonghyuk. "So where are we headed to next?"

"Aren't you guys going to go home?" asked Kim Dokja. They were getting really curious looks from the passerby now, and it was only a matter of time before Yoo Joonghyuk got recognized.

Seemingly sensing the danger, Yoo Joonghyuk reached into his pocket and pulled out a black face mask, which he slipped on with expertise. 

"It's barely 2 pm, are you really going to head back?" Lee Jihye demanded in an exasperated voice. "No one else is going to be home, you know. Why don't you live a little for once? You're too much of a shut-in."

Kim Dokja was astounded by her casual disrespect. When he was her age, he could barely look adults in the eye. "We don't even know each other."

Lee Jihye dismissed his complaint. "I've heard enough about you from Sooyoung-unnie that I know you by extension. But yeah, you can go home if you want. Oppa and I are going to stay a little longer."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately disagree with her, which was the most shocking thing that happened this whole day. Kim Dokja hadn't pegged him for the kind of person who'd give his fans the time of day, yet here he was, playing along with Lee Jihye's enthusiastic statements. Was he secretly weak to praise? But he hadn't been particularly receptive to Kim Namwoon...maybe he didn't like praise that was too flashy and insincere?

Seungah has a soft spot for children, he noted down.

This was an interesting development. "I guess I'll stick around so Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't get arrested for looking like your sugar daddy," said Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk shot him a death glare, but it slid off Kim Dokja's thick skin like water and dealt zero damage to him. He could do anything for the sake of research.

Lee Jihye raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you should be saying that in front of a high school student? What if you corrupt my delicate sensibilities?"

"You're Han Sooyoung's assistant. There's obviously nothing left to corrupt."

"Rude!" Lee Jihye sniffed. "Is that any way to speak to an innocent young woman like me? Now I get why you don't have a girlfriend, ahjussi."

Kim Dokja was a little wounded by the comment. "How come he gets to be oppa while I'm ahjussi? We're the same age."

"Because you give off ahjussi vibes," Lee Jihye replied with a toss of her head. Her searching gaze landed on a claw machine sitting in a secluded corner, and her eyes brightened. "Oppa, did I ever tell you I'm super good at claw machines? My friend Bori calls me the War God because I never lose a battle against them."

"No."

"Aren't all claw machines rigged?" asked Kim Dokja. "That means there's a luck component to winning then, right?"

Lee Jihye glared at him. It was oddly reminiscent of Yoo Joonghyuk's glare, and Kim Dokja marvelled at how easily the man seemed to influence the people around him. "It's an art form, not luck. Someone like you wouldn't get it."

The three of them gathered around the claw machine. Frankly, they looked kind of ridiculous, hovering over a teenage girl who was digging coins out of her wallet. Kim Dokja hoped no one would call mall security on them.

The claw machine was filled up with a multicolour selection of Pokemon plushies, and Lee Jihye locked eyes with a cute blue one with a fishtail. "I'm going to get that blue one there," she announced, jabbing a finger at the glass. She fed her coins into the slot, and got to work moving the metal claw carefully towards it. When she finally manoeuvred it into place, she lowered the claw slowly—and it closed around empty air. She cursed.

"It's not your fault these things are rigged," said Kim Dokja, trying to cheer her up.

Lee Jihye slammed her fist down on the control panel. "Damn it! Again." She fed another bill into the machine and started moving the claw again. She was even more off the mark this time. The third time didn't work either. Nor the fourth time.

"I swear I'm actually good at this," she said, turning to Yoo Joonghyuk with a pout. "All the girls in my class always depend on me to win them plushies; my usual success rate is 95%, I swear."

"I'll get it for you," Yoo Joonghyuk said. He voice sounded carefully indifferent, if little muffled behind his face mask. "You want the Vaporeon?"

Lee Jihye beamed at him. "Yeah! Thank you so much!"

Yoo Joonghyuk stepped in front of the claw machine and took over the controls from her. He even took off his face mask; for what purpose, Kim Dokja wasn't sure. Maybe it was easier to concentrate this way? He aimed the claw at the blue Pokemon with a supernatural precision and lowered it...onto the doll beside Vaporeon. The machine chimed and its lights flashed happily as it deposited an ugly orange fish into the slot. 

Lee Jihye bent down and picked it up. "It's Magikarp. Huh." It was obvious that she thought it was ugly, but she didn't want to be rude. "Thanks, oppa! This one's okay too, I guess."

Yoo Joonghyuk's lips thinned. "I'll get it on the next try," he said in a low voice, ignoring Lee Jihye's protests that she didn't mind the plushie.

After another series of complicated movements, the lights flashed again and the machine happily spat out another Magikarp.

Lee Jihye's eye twitched. "It's fine, I wasn't a huge fan of Vaporeon anyway. I don't even play Pokemon Go anymore—"

But Yoo Joonghyuk had already barreled ahead and restarted the game. The machine spat out a Pikachu, then a bird thing, then a pink round Pokemon that Kim Dokja vaguely remembered as Jigglypuff, then a blue tortoise and an orange dragon... Yet Lee Jihye's blue Vaporeon continued to evade his attempts to catch it. Kim Dokja stifled a laugh at the dark look on Yoo Joonghyuk's face and earned a dark glare for his trouble.

"I'm trying again," declared Yoo Joonghyuk, feeding another bill into the machine.

"But you've already spent 10,000 won," Lee Jihye said worriedly. "It's okay, really. I can always come back another time. And I've already got all these other plushies, I like Pikachu a lot too."

"Don't worry about him, he's rich enough that his wallet can take it," Kim Dokja told her. “You would have to do a lot more to bankrupt him.”

"Shut up," said Yoo Joonghyuk, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he moved the joystick.

"I was trying to be reassuring."

There was something different about this time. As Kim Dokja and Lee Jihye watched with bated breath, the silver claw closed around the tail of the blue plushie, and slowly started lifting it out of the air and towards the exit. When Yoo Joonghyuk finally let go, it fell head-first into the slot, and the machine burst into song once more. Lee Jihye let out a loud cheer. Kim Dokja started clapping, and it was only half-sarcastic this time.

"You're the best, oppa!" Lee Jihye yelled, grabbing the plushie and depositing it on top of the pile of its brethren in her arms. There were stars in her eyes. "You're the true master of the claw machine—can I call you Master? Can you teach me how you do it?"

"Maybe next time." There was no denying that Yoo Joonghyuk looked a little pleased.

"Congratulations," said Kim Dokja. He actually meant it too this time, "you're officially her hero. And you've earned it."

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an indecipherable look.

As they waited for Lee Jihye to finish taking a selfie with her newly acquired plushies, Kim Dokja took out his phone from his pocket and unlocked it. He had five unread messages from Han Sooyoung (probably to chastise him about his date), and a passive-aggressive email from his editor about the upcoming posting date of his new novel. 

Suddenly, an orange weight landed in his arms and almost jostled his phone out of his hand. "What the—" Magikarp stared up at him with soulful black eyes. It really was undeniably ugly.

"For you," said Yoo Joonghyuk, having just thrown the plushie at him. "There was no squid."

What was that supposed to mean? Kim Dokja squished the fish's face between his fingers, watching as its eyes bulged from the pressure. Either way, he wasn't going to turn down a free gift. He wasn't that ungrateful. "Thank you," he said, smiling.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked away.

As they drove back to the mansion in Yoo Joonghyuk's car, Kim Dokja noticed that the man kept glancing at him whenever he thought he wasn't paying attention. The attention was unexpected, but not uncomfortable.

Chapter Text

[Constellation Observatory]

[Uriel]: The movie they watched is only rated 2.1/5 stars online.

[Sun Wukong]: So it wasn't a good movie after all.

[Uriel]: No...

[Sun Wukong]: That must have sucked. I feel even worse for Jang Hayoung now.

[Bihyung]: Anyway, back to what our incarnations are up to in the Heart Signal House! Now that all of us have made our predictions, it's time to unveil the results of tonight's texts! Will the dates today have changed the relationships between them?

The four men were sitting around in a semi-circle in the living room downstairs. Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja were perched on two different couches as far away from each other as possible, while Lee Hyunsung sat in-between them. Kim Namwoon was lounging on the carpeted floor, his feet propped up on the coffee table. It was a physically challenging not to mention extremely chuuni position to sit in, but he managed to pull it off semi-effortlessly.

The camera zoomed in on Lee Hyunsung's face as his phone buzzed. He looked happy and a little fond as he finished reading the text.

[ The weather was beautiful today. [Picture of a blue sky] ]

[Uriel]: Lee Seolhwa texted him?!

[Yi Sunsin]: What a surprising development. I thought for sure that Lee Seolhwa would text Yoo Joonghyuk tonight regardless of how her date went.

[Bihyung]: There's no harm in exploring her options, especially when they did get along so well. I wonder if this means Lee Hyunsung sent a text to Lee Seolhwa as well.

[Uriel]: So Yoo Joonghyuk isn't going to get a text today then?

[Sun Wukong]: Can you pass the popcorn? Thanks.

The camera cut to Kim Dokja, whose phone was the second to buzz with an incoming text. He looked slightly relieved as he read it.

[ "I wonder what ants do on rainy days?" [Picture of sunlight streaming through the leaves] ]

[Uriel]: That's a quote from Murakami Haruki's work, right?

[Bihyung]: You're absolutely correct. Both Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja are quite literary, aren't they? 

[Asmodeus]: My prediction was correct. Yoo Sangah texted Kim Dokja.

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah, her date with Kim Namwoon wasn't really anything to write home about, at least on her end.

[Uriel]: Is Jang Hayoung going to text him too?

[Bihyung]: If I were her, I wouldn't. It was a pretty disastrous date and I think it proves that they’re not compatible.

[Asmodeus]: An interesting dilemma.

The camera panned across the faces of everyone in the room. Yoo Joonghyuk had already put his phone away in his pocket and was sitting there with his eyes closed, meditating. 

A sound of another buzz broke the silence. Lee Hyunsung fumbled with his phone as he navigated to his messaging app, clearly surprised to have gotten a second text.

[ I hate fish. [Picture of sushi] ]

Lee Hyunsung scratched his head with a puzzled smile.

[Bihyung]: I think he thought the previous text was from Jung Heewon, but actually this one is from her.

[Sun Wukong]: Lee Hyunsung sure is popular today. How the turntables have—

[Yi Sunsin]: It's curious how Yoo Joonghyuk received the most texts on the first day, but he hasn't even gotten a single one thus far today. 

[Asmodeus]: There's still Jang Hayoung.

The camera lingered lovingly on Yoo Joonghyuk's closed eyes for a moment before sliding over to Kim Namwoon, who looked bored and a little frustrated. The camera panned out once more to take in the four of them in an ensemble shot. A pink text blurb appeared on the screen explaining that Jang Hayoung didn’t text anyone tonight, hence why there were only 3 received texts.

[Yi Sunsin]: So she didn't end up choosing anyone in the end. I suppose Kim Dokja really disappointed her today.

[Sun Wukong]: I can respect that. That's not against the rules, is it?

[Bihyung]: No, I don't think so. The incarnations are allowed to pass on their chance to text anyone if they want to.

[Uriel]: So both Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Namwoon didn't receive any texts today! Oh no.

[Sun Wukong]: To be fair, Yoo Joonghyuk did publicly burn his bridges with Jung Heewon with his antisocial behaviour the other night. I wouldn't text him either if I were Jang Hayoung.

[Uriel]: True!

[Bihyung]: I wonder how the girls are faring tonight. Shall we take a look?

The scene cut to the girls' common room, where Lee Seolhwa, Yoo Sangah, Jang Hayoung, and Jung Heewon were also waiting to receive their texts for the night. Yoo Sangah glanced down at her phone when it buzzed in her hand and unlocked the screen with a swipe of her thumb. She smiled a little sadly at whatever she saw onscreen.

[ "If you remember me, then I don't care if everyone else forgets." [Picture of a painted koi fish on a staircase] ]

[Bihyung]: Kim Namwoon is really being forward today. I thought he was going to text Jang Hayoung for sure, but it looks like he's switched targets.

[Uriel]: Is that quote from Kafka on the Shore? He really did his research, didn't he?

[Yi Sunsin]: I almost can't bear to watch this.

[Asmodeus]: Why? I find it rather amusing, actually.

[Uriel]: Because you're a sadist.

Lee Seolhwa's phone buzzed twice in a row. Similar to Lee Hyunsung, she also seemed surprised by her popularity tonight.

[ [Picture of a ladybug with 7 black spots] ]

[ Thank you, you’re a good person. [Picture of the sunset] ]

[Bihyung]: As usual, Yoo Joonghyuk isn't writing anything to go with his texts. It does make them easier to identify though.

[Sun Wukong]: He'll have to try harder next time now that Lee Hyunsung is posing some serious competition to him. Can you pass me the bag of sunflower seeds?

[Yi Sunsin]: I wonder why she chose not to text Yoo Joonghyuk tonight.

[Uriel]: It's not like she has an obligation to him. Lee Hyunsung and her had a lot of fun on their date today, and it's natural that she might consider extending an olive branch to him. He's a perfectly feasible match for her as well.

[Sun Wukong]: Mmmmphrf yeah.

[Asmodeus]: If Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa get together, where would that leave your other favourite, Jung Heewon? She'd be alone then, wouldn't she?

[Uriel]: ...

[Sun Wukong]: Are your ships sinking?

[Uriel]: No!

Jang Hayoung was sitting by herself in a beanbag chair, and she looked resigned with her fate, having not even bothered to take out her phone. On the contrary, Jung Heewon seemed kind of annoyed. She kept tapping her foot against the carpet.

Just then, Yoo Sangah's phone buzzed again, signalling the end of the round of texts.

[ I'm glad it's the weekend. [Picture of a shelf of books] ]

[Sun Wukong]: Is Kim Dokja trying to imply that he's glad he can spend more time with her since she doesn't have work? Damn, he's smooth.

[Uriel]: I think he's just genuinely happy it's the weekend.

[Asmodeus]: He's home all the time anyway. What's the difference?

[Uriel]: Weekends are special even if you work from home!

[Bihyung]: Wow, some of the choices tonight were really surprising! There were also a lot more people who received zero texts: Yoo Joonghyuk, Kim Namwoon, Jung Heewon, and Jang Hayoung were all left hanging. In a shocking turn of events, Jang Hayoung chose not to send a text at all—is she giving up on her chance to find love already? Stay tuned for the next episode to find out more!

***

[ "Hyung," said Seungah. "Why ]

He stared at the sentence. Then deleted it.

[ "Gyubin-hyung," said Seungah. "Why are you ]

He pressed backspace repeatedly until the sentence disappeared from his screen.

[ "Lee Gyubin," said Seungah. "Why are you mad? What were you expecting to happen? You naive little shit ]

"Why isn't this working," he said out loud to his computer screen. "Just call him hyung already. You know you want to."

But Seungah, or rather his mental image of Seungah, refused to obey. He could almost picture her glaring at him with Yoo Joonghyuk's signature frown on her face.

He was the author, damn it. He would make her call him hyung even if it was out of character, that's what the term authorial privilege was meant for.

[ "Hyung," Seungah sobbed. "What have you done?" ]

Having procrastinated too much yesterday, Kim Dokja was now behind in his writing schedule and had a lot of catching up to do. However, his chapters just weren't turning out like he wanted them to. It was like he was playing whack-a-mole with his characters, trying to force them into molds they didn't fit in. 

Since his go-to beta reader Han Sooyoung was too busy with her show right now, he decided to enlist the help of an internet friend instead. He pulled up a chat window and sent her a private message.

[Salvation]: Good evening.

[Salvation]: chapter.docx

[Salvation]: If you're not busy, would you mind telling me what you think of this chapter? I was just wondering if the characterization felt off or not.

[Judge of Fire]: !!!!!!

[Judge of Fire]: is this a sneak peek of the new book?

[Salvation]: Yes.

[Judge of Fire]: of course I can!

[Salvation]: Thank you. ^^

Uriel was one of his most loyal readers, and they'd become casual friends over the past few years. She was a screenwriter of some sort but only part-time, since her family was rich enough that she could spend the other part of her time doing...other things. (She was also the reason he kept coming across Yoo Joonghyuk fanfiction on Twitter. He didn't know just how many fandoms she was in, and he didn't want to know either. There were some pieces of knowledge that changed you irrevocably as a person.)

[Judge of Fire]: so I'm reading it right now and I just have a quick question

[Judge of Fire]: why is she calling him hyung?

[Judge of Fire]: shouldn't it be oppa? because she's female?

[Judge of Fire]: *confused baby angel sticker*

[Salvation]: Ah.

[Salvation]: Sorry.

[Salvation]: That's a typo. I'll correct it immediately.

[Salvation]: chapter_version2.docx

[Judge of Fire]: *sparkly thumbs up*

[Salvation]: *less sparkly thumbs up*

Unfortunately, the Freudian slips didn't end there.

[Judge of Fire]: third page, first paragraph, second line

[Judge of Fire]: shouldn't it be "she", not "he"?

[Salvation]: Thanks for catching the typo.

[Judge of Fire]: no worries~

[Judge of Fire]: was she originally supposed to be a guy or something O.O

[Salvation]: ...

[Judge of Fire]: I see

Uriel was too perceptive sometimes. It was one of the reasons why he consulted her about the chapter in the first place, but it was also kind of awkward on a personal level.

[Judge of Fire]: why is she crying in the last scene?

[Salvation]: She's upset that he got injured.

[Judge of Fire]: that's kind of out of character for her, isn't it?

[Judge of Fire]: shouldn't her reaction be along the lines of "you're an idiot for getting into this situation in the first place"?

[Salvation]: Ah. You’re right.

[Judge of Fire]: I know I don't have much context to go off but I don't think she would cry, even if she's worried

[Salvation]: Okay, I'll change that part later.

[Judge of Fire]: *dancing baby angel sticker*

[Judge of Fire]: can I ask what's the point of making seungah a girl? is it just so the romance would be heterosexual?

[Salvation]: What do you mean?

[Judge of Fire]: she doesn't have a female narrative voice so it’s pretty jarring to see her act and think in a way most women wouldn’t

[Judge of Fire]: not that there should be a standard that women have to adhere to, but just in terms of characterization I’m not really sold on her as a female lead 

[Judge of Fire]: she’s basically a badly genderswapped version of your usual second male lead

[Judge of Fire]: I don’t even think you removed all the male pronouns properly

[Judge of Fire]: I can feel that you’re trying to foreshadow the romantic development, but weirdly enough they have even less chemistry than your past main characters do with their male best friends

[Judge of Fire]: and I’m only a little biased when saying this~

[Judge of Fire]: so was she originally a male character and you just changed their pronouns because your editor asked you to change their gender from male to female?

[Salvation]: Not exactly. I'm just trying out something new.

[Judge of Fire]: it would be better to change her back to a guy then, right?

[Salvation]: Right…?

[Judge of Fire]: write what you want, salvation-nim! don't let your editor oppress you!

[Judge of Fire]: I'm really looking forward to the first chapter's posting!

[Judge of Fire]: (also I would be really happy if there's a BL side pairing this time ><)

[Salvation]: As always, thank you for your help, I'll try reworking the chapter with your suggestions.

[Salvation]: And I'll think about it. 

[Judge of Fire]: !!!!! really???!!!

[Salvation]: Yes. I'll talk to you later?

[Judge of Fire]: *baby angel waving sticker*

Kim Dokja closed the chat window and opened up his empty document again. The blank page stared back at him mockingly; he had never felt so uninspired in his whole life. He could hear the sounds of yelling and laughter downstairs mixed in with the rasp of the ventilation. The others were having some sort of TV show marathon today as a bonding event, which he'd declined to participate in because he needed to focus on his writing. Yet he hadn't even managed to write much in the end.

Deciding to take a break, he shut off his laptop and headed down the stairs to where the sounds were coming from. As he approached the living room, he was able to make out what exactly the others were talking about. 

"—get married after the main character dies?!" yelled Lee Jihye. "I thought Schweichen liked the main character! I can't support this ship!"

"The webnovel's original ending was the same, and I remember a lot of people were mad about it back then," said Jang Hayoung. "I think the author published an alternate ending afterwards where it's more ambiguous."

"They should have used the alternate ending for the adaptation then!"

"I agree, the shot of them having a baby five years later and naming it after the main character doesn’t fit the tone of the show at all," said Yoo Sangah.

"Like, I get if the main character ended up with Yuri even if I don't support it, but what is this shitty development?!"

"Yeah. Why does everyone always have to get married in the end?” Jung Heewon asked. “What’s wrong with staying single?"

“Aren’t we on a dating show right now? What kind of question is that?”

“Shut up, Kim Namwoon. No one asked your opinion.”

“You shut up, Lee Jihye.”

"From what I recall, the author has a hangup about marriage and starting a family,” Jang Hayoung explained. “Most of his characters get married in the end."

“That’s a dumb reason. They don’t need to get married to be happy!”

Having both heard the complaints and seen them in angry bold text before, Kim Dokja had a pretty good idea of what they were talking about. His fears were confirmed when the TV screen came into view: they were watching Unbreakable Faith. Shit.

He hadn't thought much of pairing the deuteragonist with the female lead after the main character's death when he initially wrote the book, and the backlash from his fans completely caught him off guard. As damage control, he even posted an official statement explaining that the main character liked both of his friends platonically (and vice versa) and the ending had been planned from the first chapter. He eventually caved to peer pressure and changed the ending for print publication, but to this day Unbreakable Faith still regularly made it onto Top 10 charts for the worst webnovel ending ever. After that awful experience, he made sure to always pair the main character with the female lead; at least then he would only be angering the BL shippers and not all of them. 

Uriel had stuck with him throughout the drama despite her ship sinking, and as a show of gratitude, he'd started leaving side characters' relationship statuses unknown for her creative use. The ambiguous relationships, combined with the strong friendship bonds between the main characters that he liked to depict in his stories, earned him a certain reputation amongst female fans. Abyssal Black Flame Dragon (who only ever wrote generic male chunni power fantasies) mocked him endlessly for his disproportionally large ratio of female readers, but he suspected he was secretly jealous.

"It's your time to shine, Kim Dokja," a voice said from behind him. 

Han Sooyoung was holding a multi-layered cocktail in one hand and was sipping from it with a heart-shaped straw as she leaned against the wall.

"Did you suggest the show to them?" asked Kim Dokja, frowning at her. With how much she constantly complained about the amount of work she had to do, he thought she’d be at home catching up on sleep today.

Han Sooyoung widened her eyes in the very picture of innocence. "Do I look like someone who would do that?"

"Of course you—why are you using that straw? Isn't it for couples? Why are you drinking out of both ends at the same time?"

"I have a lot of self-love."

Kim Dokja glanced discreetly into the living room, but the two cameramen were nowhere in sight. Someone had even thrown a towel over the camera on the wall to hide the lens from view.

"What are you and Lee Jihye even doing here?" he continued. "I thought we weren't filming a special segment this evening."

Han Sooyoung shrugged. "Are we not allowed to join in on the bonding event? Hey, everyone!" she called out as she walked into the living room. "Look who came back from the dead!"

"Han Sooyoung," he warned.

Everyone looked up at the noise. Jung Heewon, Yoo Sangah, and Jang Hayoung were sitting on one couch, while Yoo Joonghyuk, Lee Seolhwa, and Lee Hyunsung were on the other. Lee Jihye and Kim Namwoon were sitting on the loveseat together and bickering angrily about something. Did they even know each other?

"Dokja-ssi," greeted Yoo Sangah.

“Sangah-ssi.”

On the TV screen, the credits of Unbreakable Faith were rolling as the bittersweet ending theme played in the background.

"Hey," said Jung Heewon, raising her hand in a wave. "You're too late, we just finished the show."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked up from his phone, saw that it was him, and looked back down again.

"He should be glad he didn't see it," said Lee Jihye, squeezing the TV remote in her hand so hard the plastic creaked. Her face was dark with fury. "What a waste of 12 hours of my life.”

Han Sooyoung's smirk widened. Kim Dokja had an ominous feeling about what was going to come out of her mouth. "Did you also hate the ending, Jihye?"

"It wasn't that bad," Lee Hyunsung tried. "I thought it was nice that the two of them found love in the end, after everything they've been through."

Lee Jihye threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "But they found love with the WRONG person!"

"Exactly." Jang Hayoung nodded. "Yuri should have ended up with the main character."

Lee Jihye winced at the statement. "Well, not that either, but that's not the point! The point is, this pairing makes no sense!"

"Don't you hate how the author forcibly paired them together?" Han Sooyoung asked gleefully.

"Sooyoung-ah."

"Yes!"

"Luckily for you, Jihye, you get to air your grievances with the author directly. Not a lot of fans can say the same." Han Sooyoung patted Kim Dokja on the shoulders with a pitying look. "Isn't that right, Dokja-ssi? Or should I call you Salvation-nim?"

Kim Dokja covered his face with his hands.

“...” Lee Jihye's eyes brightened as realization dawned upon her. "Are you saying that he's the author of the book the show is based on?" she gaped.

"What?!" Kim Namwoon leapt to his feet beside her and pointed an accusing finger at him. "Hey, you said you weren't Salvation when we revealed our careers last time!"

"Kim Dokja was just too embarrassed to tell you guys back then," said Han Sooyoung, waving his concerns away. "He's pretty secretive about his identity, so don't go around telling people, okay?"

Lee Hyunsung nodded in agreement, looking impressed. Yoo Sangah was watching the two of them with a particular look on her face.

Jang Hayoung looked vaguely star-struck. "You're Salvation? Really? I, uh, I really liked Lamarck's Kirin!"

"Thank you," said Kim Dokja. There was no point in denying it now, no one would believe him. "I'm honoured you enjoyed it."

"How much did you sell the rights to Unbreakable Faith—"

Lee Jihye pushed Kim Namwoon out of the way before he could ask more pointless questions. "So, author-nim, why'd you make the two of them get married in the end?"

He was getting flashbacks of 2014 and the fanwank about the original ending all over again. "I was trying to give the two of them a happy ending," he tried to explain. 

But it was futile.

"They weren't even interested in each other!" Lee Jihye argued. "I would've been okay with it if she married the main character or something, but why Schweichen? They don’t love each other!"

Kim Namwoon shrugged one shoulder. "I dunno, I thought the romance was okay."

"You're unqualified to comment on romance," snapped Lee Jihye.

"Hey!"

"I just thought they would make good parents," Kim Dokja said weakly.

Lee Jihye turned to Han Sooyoung with a look of determination. "Unnie, you said you were university friends with him, right? Were you there when he wrote the book? Why didn't you stop him?"

"Hey, I didn't want my Yuri to get paired up with his in-universe man crush either," Han Sooyoung protested. "But this guy never listens to me when it matters. Honestly, the producers should’ve chosen a better book to adapt. It was the first book he ever wrote, and it was honestly kind of trash."

Kim Dokja sighed. "Do you have to call him that?" 

"You spent 3 paragraphs describing how fit he was. Seriously."

"What are you talking about? I describe all my characters in detail."

"Wait, don’t tell me the female lead was based on Han Sooyoung?" Jung Heewon asked, looking like her worldview was shattering before her eyes. She had clearly picked up on the implication in Han Sooyoung's words. "What, is she your ex-girlfriend or something?"

"We're not—"

"Hell no. He just sucks at coming up with characters so he always bases them off the people around him," Han Sooyoung said. "I think half our graduating class was featured in Unbreakable Faith at one point. He killed off almost all of them too, the savage."

It was incredibly embarrassing to have his writing habits announced to the whole world. 

"That's an interesting way to write characters," Lee Seolhwa said kindly. "I wonder if we'll feature in Dokja-ssi’s books in the future?"

Kim Dokja couldn't help but glance at Yoo Joonghyuk. Thankfully, he was staring at his phone screen with a look of concentration and didn't seem to be paying attention. "Ah, who knows?"

"For your next book, can you base a character off of me?" Lee Jihye asked eagerly. "Make her someone cool too, not a one-shot villain!"

"I'll think about it."

"So do you prefer women like Han Sooyoung or not?" Jung Heewon raised her eyebrows at him. "Tell us the truth. There's no accounting for taste, I won't judge you."

Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes and muttered something insulting under her breath.

"Can we not do this?" Kim Dokja asked the ceiling.

“We’re on a dating show. Obviously we’re going to be curious what your type is, even if it does turn out to be that woman.”

"Oh, he wishes he could date me," Han Sooyoung snorted, examining her cuticles with a bored expression. "Sadly for him, I'm way out of his league."

"You still owe me 40,000 won from the last time we went drinking and you passed out before you could pay your bill," he reminded her before her ego could get too inflated.

"I already said I'll treat you next time!"

Yoo Sangah's smile looked a bit strained from where she sitting quietly on the couch, watching the back and forth exchange take place in front of her. Jang Hayoung patted her on the knee sympathetically.

"Dokja-ssi, do you know Judge of Fire in real life?" asked Jang Hayoung. "Is it true that she's your sister? She can't be your wife if you're on this show, right?"

Kim Dokja was confused; what sort of rumours were they even spreading about him online? "No. We've never met in real life, and we're just friends."

Jung Heewon smirked. "Like how you and Han Sooyoung are just friends?"

"What?"

"That's it, Jung Heewon." Han Sooyoung rolled up her sleeves and started advancing towards her ominously. "One of us is going to bite the dust today, and it won't be me."

"Bring out all your power. I'll cut you down."

Lee Hyunsung quickly got up from his seat and stood in front of Jung Heewon, blocking her from view. "Let's not fight, you two."

Lee Jihye was torn between helping out Jung Heewon and helping out Han Sooyoung. "I don't know which unnie to cheer for..."

"Have you turned to the dark side, Jihye?"

"Who are you calling the dark side? Jihye, I'll give you 500 won if you steal her sword from her bedroom."

“Don’t you dare listen to her, Jihye.”

"500 won? I can't even buy a can of soda with 500 won, Sooyoung-unnie."

"Hah?! You little traitor—"

While everyone was distracted by the impending bloodbath, Kim Dokja snuck out of the room and headed back upstairs before they remembered he was there.

***

Lee Hyunsung was a wonderful roommate. He was unobtrusive, and he went to bed at 11 pm sharp and slept like the dead. Kim Dokja had never had a roommate before (apart from the few times Han Sooyoung crashed at his place), and he was going to miss him when the thirty days were up. It was nice not being alone for once.

He finished brushing his teeth and dried his hands on his towel that was still wet from his shower earlier. Unlocking the door, he stepped out of the bathroom and called out, "Hyunsung-ssi, it's your turn—" His words died in his throat as his gaze landed on the intruder.

Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting on Lee Hyunsung's bed with his back against the wall. There was a black suitcase lying open on the floor next to his feet. He was typing something on his laptop, and he looked up at the sound of Kim Dokja's voice.

"Where's Lee Hyunsung? Are we having a sleepover?" asked Kim Dokja, looking around the room for Lee Hyunsung. "Do I need to start braiding your hair?"

"I switched rooms with Lee Hyunsung," said Yoo Joonghyuk. He didn't seem impressed by the attempt at humour.

"Huh. How did you manage it?"

"I asked him directly."

"I meant, how did you manage to convince Kim Namwoon to let you go?" Kim Dokja asked curiously.

Yoo Joonghyuk frowned. "I don't need his permission to switch rooms."

"You're breaking his young heart, acting like this." Kim Dokja shook his head in mock dismay. "What if he thinks he drove you away?"

"I told him I had private matters to discuss with you," Yoo Joonghyuk said grumpily. "And Kim Namwoon doesn't care."

"That’s because he’s putting up a brave front for you. Besides, do I not get a say in who my roommate is? How come no one asked my permission?"

"You never asked my opinion when you assigned the rooms for everyone."

"Fair enough." It was karmic retribution.

In retrospect, it was weird how Yoo Joonghyuk hadn't switched rooms with Lee Hyunsung earlier, but Kim Dokja just thought it was because the man had evaluated his options and realized that rooming with Kim Namwoon was marginally better than rooming with him. Besides, what was the point of switching now and when he had already survived a week there? Unless he was too smart to fall for the sunk cost fallacy.

They stared at each other in silence for a few moments. It was weird seeing Yoo Joonghyuk in his pyjamas, even if they were just as black and grim as he expected. His dedication to his emo aesthetic clearly ran deeper than anyone predicted.

Kim Dokja was the first one to break the silence between them. "Are you not going to give me the talk?"

"What talk."

"The 'don't touch my stuff or I'll kill you, don't drip water all over the carpet or I'll stab you in your sleep, don't use my soap or I'll carve out your intestines and strangle you with them' kind of talk. The standard roommate discussion."

"I think you know what not to do already."

"But if you don't specifically state your boundaries, how would I know which mine zones to avoid?" Kim Dokja asked nonchalantly.

"Then don't snore," Yoo Joonghyuk added, almost like an afterthought.

"I can't control something like that, you're asking the impossible."

Yoo Joonghyuk took a deep breath in and exhaled. He was clearly trying to suppress any homicidal tendencies; the camera on the ceiling was still recording.

Kim Dokja climbed onto his bed and picked up his phone from the bedside table where the Magikarp was perched belly-up like a dead fish. He hadn't known where to put the plushie (he briefly considered the bathtub for hyperrealism, but it would be too much like Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him shower), so he just sort of left it there.

He browsed the ranking charts of the webnovel platform out of habit, but there were no good ones to read. He had another passive-aggressive email from his editor reminding him to stop taking a vacation and post already, but Kim Dokja didn't read that either. He set his phone down in disappointment and turned off the lamp on his side. He made sure to lie on his side facing away from his new roommate.

After a while, Yoo Joonghyuk put his laptop away and turned off his lamp. The room was enveloped in silky darkness, and the moon's pale fingers crept along the carpet towards the edge of Kim Dokja's bed. He could hear the quiet sounds of the other man’s breathing on the other side of the room. It shouldn’t have been reassuring, but it was.

"Did you grow up in Seoul?" Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly asked.

Kim Dokja's gut reaction was to respond with 'none of your business' just to give him a taste of his own medicine, but now that they were roommates he should probably make more of an effort to get along with him. Yoo Joonghyuk could definitely murder him in his sleep if he wanted to. Not that he was going to. Probably.

"Yes," he replied. Then, out of politeness, "did you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored him. "Which schools did you go to?"

What was this, a national census? Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk was actually an advanced AI algorithm designed by the government. "There were multiple."

"Why?"

“Because I switched schools often when I was young."

"Why did you switch schools?"

It was late, and he was too tired to have a heart-to-heart with Yoo Joonghyuk about the skeletons in his closet. "Why are you even asking?"

"Answer the question."

"Is there a prize if I answer correctly?" Kim Dokja shot back, annoyed.

"Kim Dokja." Yoo Joonghyuk's voice was deep, and it echoed in the dark room like thunder. "Don't be difficult."

"Then tell me, why do you even want to know about my childhood? It’s none of your business."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't reply. 

Kim Dokja sighed; of course there was no way he was going to get a straight answer out of him, the man was more tight-lipped than he was. A reasonable person would acknowledge the question and explain or reciprocate with their own story, but Yoo Joonghyuk always plowed ahead without looking back and expected everyone else to match his pace. His mind truly worked in mysterious ways that were incomprehensible to the average human.

Maybe he was trying to get his information so he could commit identity fraud and imprison him to ensure his romantic victory with Lee Seolhwa, Kim Dokja theorized. But they weren't even romantic rivals; wouldn't it be more logical to go after Lee Hyunsung first? Or maybe he was going to methodically get rid of them one at a time. Still, Kim Namwoon's threat level was higher—

"Go to bed," said Yoo Joonghyuk, startling him for the second time that night.

"How did you know I was awake?"

"I can hear you thinking."

Well, he had been slandering Yoo Joonghyuk's name in his mind after all. No wonder the man noticed. "You go to bed first. Don't you have to take care of your skin for commercials?"

"Good night."

His words were obviously meant to be a dismissal, but Kim Dokja’s heart still softened a little. It was the first time someone had said that to him in years. When his insomnia was at its worst in his adolescence, he used to lie awake in bed for hours and hours, wishing that someone would knock on his door and tell him to go to sleep. No one ever did, and he eventually grew out of it on his own.

"Good night."

It was strange how he always found the things he was looking for in unexpected places.

Chapter Text

Kim Dokja took another bite out of his apple and finished typing out his email with one hand.

[ I'm sorry, but I won't be able to post the first chapter by the date you set for me. It's not going to happen even if you keep sending me reminders. I'm still deliberating over which direction I want to take the novel in, and it's going to take a while. So instead of rushing to post and not being able to update consistently due to characterization issues, I'd rather take my time in-between novels to build up a sizable buffer of chapters.

Thank you for your understanding.

Salvation ]

He wondered if the email sounded too passive. Han Sooyoung always said he should be more aggressive when defending his rights...but then again, it would be smarter not to burn his bridges with the Star Stream yet. He clicked Send and watched as the loading bar crept across the screen...and froze halfway. Kim Dokja tapped his finger against the table as he waited for it to move. When nothing happened even after he counted to 10, he tried refreshing the page. It didn't even load this time, and he was greeted with the familiar sight of the sad little Chrome page icon.

Across the room, Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at his computer screen with a scary intensity. Kim Dokja wasn’t sure what exactly he did for a living now that he was semi-retired from gaming, but Yoo Joonghyuk could probably sit around twiddling his thumbs for the rest of his life and still have money leftover in his bank account when he died. With this in mind, he was pretty curious what the guy was leaving the house for a few hours everyday to do.

"Is the internet also slow for you?" he asked him. “Are you downloading something right now?”

Yoo Joonghyuk's chair scraped against the carpet with a muffled screech as he got up and padded across the room. Kim Dokja watched his trajectory with undisguised curiosity.

Yoo Joonghyuk left their bedroom, crossed the hall to where Lee Hyunsung and Kim Namwoon's room was, and flung open their door with a bang. Kim Dokja could almost see the back of his head if he leaned back as far as he could in his chair.

"Kim Namwoon. Stop torrenting."

"Sorry hyung," a muffled voice replied.

There was the sound of a door closing and heavy footsteps drawing nearer, and Yoo Joonghyuk reappeared in their doorway like a war hero returning home after battle. Kim Dokja clapped in appreciation. It was kind of hard to do while he was still holding a half-eaten apple in one hand, but it was the thought that counted.

"Thank you for taking one for the team," he said earnestly.

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an undecipherable look and sat back down in his chair.

It was a little surreal sharing a room with the female protagonist of his novel. He kept getting flashes of Yoo Joonghyuk in a Chinese dress, which—if you only looked at his face—wasn't actually that bad of a mental image.

And to be honest, Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't such a bad guy once you got to know him, Kim Dokja mused. He didn't actually get mad that easily, even if it seemed like he did. His facial muscles had just died young and left his widowed features permanently stuck in a scowl. It was a medical condition beyond his control, and Kim Dokja could forgive him for it. 

Besides, he thought to himself as he eyed the Magikarp plushie on his bedside table, it does kind of grow on you the more you look at it.

There was a knock on their door, and Kim Dokja locked eyes with Yoo Joonghyuk. After a brief wordless scuffle, he resignedly got up and opened the door. He was expecting to come face to face with an indignant Kim Namwoon who only just realized what Yoo Joonghyuk said, but he was pleasantly surprised by the sight of Jang Hayoung instead.

"We're having a meeting in the girls' common room right now," Jang Hayoung called out, poking her head into the room and waving at them. "It's really important, so we'd appreciate it if Dokja-ssi and Joonghyuk-ssi could both come over. It shouldn't take too long."

“Of course.” 

He tossed his apple core into the trash and joined her in the hallway. Behind him, Yoo Joonghyuk set down his earphones and got up as well. Together, the three of them followed Jang Hayoung into the girls' room. Kim Dokja had only been there once on the first day, and the sheer pinkness of it still threw him for a loop when he entered. As usual, two cameramen were hovering in the back of the room with their equipment, trying to be inconspicuous and failing.

"Where's Kim Namwoon?" asked Kim Dokja, sitting down on the carpet beside Lee Hyunsung. Yoo Joonghyuk sat down on his other side. "Is he in the bathroom again? Should someone go get him?"

"We actually timed this meeting with his bathroom break so he wouldn't be present for it," said Yoo Sangah, looking mischievous.

Kim Dokja blinked. Were they hosting an intervention of some sort? Come to think of it, Kim Namwoon had been doing a piss-poor job of washing the dishes recently...

"It's Namwoon's birthday on Thursday, the day after tomorrow," Jang Hayoung announced, stopping Kim Dokja's train of thought in its tracks. "The four of us were discussing what to do for it earlier, and we thought it would be nice if we planned a surprise birthday party for him."

"I had no idea it was his birthday this week," said Lee Hyunsung, looking guilty. "Is it just going to be the eight of us there, or are his friends also going to come?"

"Actually, does anyone have Jihye's phone number?" Jang Hayoung asked. "Can someone message her and make sure she comes to the party? I know it's the end of the semester and she's probably busy with schoolwork, but I think he'd really appreciate it if she showed up."

Jung Heewon pulled out her phone from her pocket like she was unsheathing her sword. "I'll do it."

"Thanks!"

"I thought the two of them didn't get along," Kim Dokja commented. From what little he saw of Kim Namwoon and Lee Jihye's interactions the other day, they seemed to mostly consist of childish name-calling and mildly violent bickering. If he were him, he'd be happier if she didn't show up to the party.

Jang Hayoung exchanged a meaningful look with Yoo Sangah. "No, I'm pretty sure he likes her."

Huh. Interesting. He would have to take a closer look next time.

"What presents are you guys going to get him?" Lee Hyunsung asked nervously. "I'm not really sure what university students are into these days..."

Lee Seolhwa tapped her chin in thought. "Namwoon plays a lot of video games, doesn't he? You could always get him a gift card for online gaming or something useful, like tech."

"That’s a good idea."

"You should give him a book of your autographs," Kim Dokja said to Yoo Joonghyuk. "So he can keep one and auction off the rest online for profit."

"You can give him your autograph."

"But mine isn't worth anything."

"Alright. Enough humble-bragging, you two," Jung Heewon said curtly. "Why don't we all chip in and get him something together? Hayoung-ah, do you know what he'd want for a present?"

"Namwoon really likes building Gundam models, he’s told me about them before. I did a bit of research into it, and I think if we all chip in we can get him one of the expensive model kits that are really nice."

"So we're splitting the cost evenly between the 7 of us, excluding Jihye?" Lee Seolhwa clarified.

"Wouldn't it be more fair if we split the cost proportionally based on our average annual income? You know, like tax brackets."

"We can discuss that later." Yoo Sangah hurriedly put an end to that conversation before things could get out of hand. "What should we do about the cake and dinner? I was thinking we could have barbecue on the patio outside as a change of pace."

"That's a great idea, we should definitely do that." Jang Hayoung clapped her hands together cheerfully. "About the cake, usually I'd offer to bake one myself, but things have been pretty hectic recently and I don't think I'll have the time...can anyone else bake? Sangah-unnie?"

"Sorry, I also have a lot of reports I have to finish by the end of the week," Yoo Sangah replied, looking apologetic."

"I'm fully booked on Thursday as well," said Lee Seolhwa, "but I can pick up the ingredients tomorrow morning for it."

"What if we baked the cake on Wednesday?"

"Namwoon only has one morning class on Wednesdays so he'll be home the whole day," Lee Hyunsung pointed out. "I guess we can try to distract him so he doesn't notice what's going on in the kitchen...?"

"It won't work, he's not that dumb. Why don't we just buy a cake?" asked Jung Heewon, sounding frustrated. "I know a few good shops around here that I can call and order a cake from. Done."

Jang Hayoung sighed and rested her head on her knees. "I don't know, it doesn't seem as sincere as making it ourselves. Maybe I'll try to ask for half a day off."

It was really heartwarming how everyone was coming together to plan this celebration for him. Kim Dokja's own relationship with Kim Namwoon was next to nonexistent, but even he felt guilty for not contributing his part to the effort.

"I can bake the birthday cake on Thursday," he offered, drawing everyone's gazes towards him. "I can also prepare the meats and vegetables for the barbecue since I'll be home all day. Just send me the recipes and I'll try my best to follow them."

"Is that all right?" Yoo Sangah asked. "Aren't you busy with your writing?"

"It's fine, the deadline was pushed back." It wasn't. He was just choosing to ignore it. "The cake probably won't taste that good, but it's the thought that counts, right?"

Yoo Sangah smiled encouragingly at him. "That's really nice of you to offer, Dokja-ssi. I can send you a few recipes for the cake that should be pretty easy to follow."

"Sounds good."

Unexpectedly, Yoo Joonghyuk spoke up. "I can help with the cake and dinner as well," he said.

Kim Dokja couldn't hide his look of surprise. "What, you can bake?"

"I never said I couldn't."

"But you never said you could either."

Lee Seolhwa, who had been Yoo Joonghyuk's cooking partner this past week, looked like she wanted to say something but she ultimately kept quiet. She probably just didn't want to embarrass him in front of everyone by bursting his bubble.

Although Kim Dokja still had his doubts about the existence of Yoo Joonghyuk's cooking abilities, it was better than nothing. "Yoo Joonghyuk and I can take care of the meal prep on Thursday then. Is there anything else we should prepare? What about drinks?"

"The drinks are on me," Jung Heewon said airily. "I'll bring my cocktail shaker too, so Kim Namwoon can get the alcohol poisoning he keeps asking for."

"Can they even air that on television?"

Jang Hayoung whispered something in Yoo Sangah's ear, and the latter stifled a giggle.

"Should we pick a movie to watch after dinner or something?" asked Kim Dokja.

Jung Heewon looked him up and down curiously. "Do you have more live-action adaptations of your novels up your sleeve, author-nim?"

"I meant a random movie."

"That's not a no."

"Why don't we have a video game tournament after dinner?" Jang Hayoung suggested, ever the efficient communicator. "We can hook someone's computer up to the TV and play League of Legends."

"You mean watch Kim Namwoon watch Yoo Joonghyuk play League?" Kim Dokja asked innocently. "Sure, if Yoo Joonghyuk agrees to do the thing where he says 'no' every time they ask him if there's anything he wants to say and walks off the stage before they're done interviewing him for maximum realism."

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him. "You watch my competitions?"

"Not willingly, but it's hard to avoid seeing clips of them when it's all over your social media feed."

Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his lips together and looked away grumpily.

"Seriously, you two are worse than Kim Namwoon and Jihye," Jung Heewon muttered.

"That might be a bit too complex to set up," Yoo Sangah told Jang Hayoung. "Why don't we stick to something simpler, like a Mario Kart or Smash Bros tournament? I'm sure we've all played those games at some point in our childhoods."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Kim Dokja hadn't played Mario Kart in 17 years and didn’t particularly want to play it again, but he nodded along as well because why the hell not.

"Then it's decided," Jang Hayoung declared. "Dokja-ssi and Joonghyuk-ssi will take care of the cooking, and I'll order the present online. Everyone else can decide amongst themselves who's going to buy what ingredients for Thursday."

"Kim Namwoon's washing his hands now, he'll be out any second," one of the cameramen keeping watch informed them.

Jang Hayoung leapt up and ushered them towards the door. "Hurry! Before he sees you!"

Kim Dokja, Yoo Joonghyuk, and Lee Hyunsung quickly made their way back to their rooms before Kim Namwoon could emerge from the toilet like Lazarus rising from his grave and demand to know what they were plotting behind his back.

***

Kim Dokja makes sure to stay absolutely quiet when he sneaks out of his apartment on Saturday morning. Father was drunk last night, which means that he'll be mad if he accidentally wakes him up before noon. After closing the door behind him, he breaks out into a run down the stairs. Joonghyuk is already sitting on the side of the curb outside the convenience store by the time he makes it there.

"Sorry I'm late!" he pants, resting his hands on his knees. "Did you wait for a long time?"

"Not really," says Joonghyuk. He pulls open the glass door, and Kim Dokja follows him inside happily.

The two of them stop in front of the refrigerator on the ground where the popsicles are stored and stare down at it together. Joonghyuk's face looks kind of fat in the reflection on the curved glass.

"Which one are you going to get?" Kim Dokja asks after he's made his pick. He only has enough pocket change to get the cheapest kind, but Joonghyuk seems like he has enough money to explore his options.

"Don't know." Joonghyuk sounds weirdly subdued today. Or maybe it's just because he's sad he doesn't have his console with him. "Which one tastes better?"

Kim Dokja realizes belatedly that Joonghyuk is asking him. He honestly has no idea; he always picks the same cheap popsicle every time he goes shopping with Mother. "The one with English on the wrapper?" he tries.

"Sure." Joonghyuk slides open the door of the fridge and reaches in to grab the ice cream bar he mentioned. 

They give the owner of the convenience store their money and head outside to sit down side by side on the grass. Kim Dokja slowly peels off the wrapper of his popsicle and licks off the sticky yellow juice from the plastic, determined not to waste a single drop. Beside him, Joonghyuk balls up his own wrapper and lobs it at the garbage can before taking a bite out of his ice cream bar.

 Kim Dokja is in awe. "Aren't your teeth cold?"

"No," says Joonghyuk, chewing.

There are little nuts embedded in the chocolate casing like starfish on a sandy beach. Kim Dokja looks at it longingly; his own popsicle tastes like sugar water with a hint of lemon and is really not that great.

Joonghyuk notices him watching and asks, "Did you want to try mine?"

Kim Dokja jumps at the question and guiltily looks away. "No, it's fine."

"You suck at lying," says Joonghyuk, holding out his ice cream bar towards him. "Here, you get one bite."

He eyes the ice cream bar under his nose and swallows. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Hurry up."

Kim Dokja opens his mouth as wide as he can and chomps down. The thin layer of chocolate crackles under his teeth like aluminum foil and melts into a pool of sweetness on the tip of his tongue. By the time he pulls back, there's less than half of the ice cream bar left on the wooden stick.

"You said you were only taking one bite!" Joonghyuk says angrily.

"It was one bite! Just a big one."

Joonghyuk glares at him. "Give me your popsicle. We're switching."

Kim Dokja gladly trades with him. "Mine doesn't taste that good though," he warns. 

"Then why did you buy it?"

"Well..."

Joonghyuk complains about the popsicle being gross, and Kim Dokja laughs at him and calls him weak. Joonghyuk threatens to punch him for that comment, but he knows he's not being serious; by now Kim Dokja is an expert at telling apart empty threats from real ones. 

After a while, Joonghyuk starts telling him about how a group of kids from his class tried to bully him into giving them money because they heard he was rich, and how he refused and beat them until they cried.

"They even told the teacher I was threatening them with a pocket knife." Joonghyuk rolls his eyes. "Idiots."

"But were you?"

"I just stuck my fist in my pocket and pretended like I had one. It's their fault for believing me."

Their eyes meet over their popsicles, and they grin at each other.

"Did you not get in trouble with your parents?" Kim Dokja asks wonderingly. It's amazing how much stuff Joonghyuk seems to get away with.

"The teacher tried calling them but they didn't pick up," Joonghyuk replies. "Either way, those guys started it first so it's not my problem. Although now all of my classmates are too scared to talk to me because they think I'm crazy."

"Oh."

Joonghyuk looks like he doesn't care at all about what his classmates think of him, but Kim Dokja feels kind of bad for him. He doesn't have any friends at school either, but there are still a few classmates who will talk to him if he starts a conversation with them. He knows they'd all rather talk to someone more interesting though, so he doesn't bother them unless he's really desperate.

"Well, I'm here now," says Kim Dokja. The words sound kind of silly in his ears, and his face heats. It's not like Joonghyuk needs him or anything. "I mean...I'm not scared of you. And I think it's cool how you defended yourself with a sword."

"A sword," Joonghyuk repeats.

"You know how in stories when the protagonist is cornered by bad guys he'll pick up a tree branch and use it as a sword to beat them up? It's kind of like that."

"What?"

"Never mind."

Joonghyuk finishes eating the popsicle and throws the stick at the garbage can. He curses when it hits the rim and bounces off onto the ground, and gets up to go pick it up. 

"What do you want to do after this?" asks Joonghyuk, dunking the popsicle stick into the garbage with more force than necessary.

Kim Dokja hesitated. He couldn’t invite him over to his place, nor did he bring enough money to go see a movie. And Joonghyuk also didn't have his console with him...could you play tag with two people? Or was that too childish? He wanted to ask if they could just keep sitting there and talking about random stuff, but he also didn't want to be called girly. 

"I don't know," he finally says. "Do you have any ideas?"

"You can come over to my house if you want," Joonghyuk offers, sounding like he couldn't care less either way.

"Are you sure your parents are okay with that?" Kim Dokja asks tentatively. He would definitely get yelled at if he brought a friend home without asking.

"They don't care what I do," Joonghyuk replies. "They're not home anyway, so it's not like they'll even find out."

"Okay." Kim Dokja smiles at him. They start walking down the road together. "Where do you live, by the way? Is your house in this neighbourhood? I don't think we go to the same elementary school."

"I go to an international school."

Kim Dokja nods in understanding. "That makes sense." He certainly does look like his parents can afford it.

Joonghyuk's house isn't actually that far from Kim Dokja's, but his neighbourhood looks a lot nicer. There's no garbage littering the alleyways, and there are actual trees planted along the sidewalk. It's an actual house too, and not an apartment. They make their way to the front door, and Joonghyuk pulls out a key from the pocket of his shorts and unlocks it.

"Should I leave my shoes outside or inside?" asks Kim Dokja.

"Inside."

Joonghyuk's house is surprisingly empty. Kim Dokja had expected chandeliers on the ceilings and oil paintings on the walls, but there are no decorations at all. It looks like no one even lives here. They weave past scattered mounds of large cardboard boxes to what looks like the kitchen, which is just as bare as the rest of the house. There's a glass table in the middle of the white tiled floor, but there's only one chair beside it. Joonghyuk sets his keys down on the table with a clatter.

"Are you hungry?" he asks, turning to look at him.

Kim Dokja is pretty hungry since he didn't have breakfast, but he doesn't know if he's supposed to answer 'no' anyway out of politeness. He decides to take a risk and tell the truth. "Kind of. Are you hungry?"

"I was going to make lunch anyway."

Kim Dokja lets out a soft noise of wonder. "Are you going to cook for us? I thought we were having leftovers."

Joonghyuk furrows his brows. "Why would I feed you leftovers? Of course I can cook. You can't?"

The last time Kim Dokja tried cooking rice, he put too little water in the pot and burned it. Mother had to open the window and fan out the smoke for him, and Father slapped him for being a careless idiot. "Not really. My mother usually cooks for us, and she leaves food in the fridge for me when she's busy."

Joonghyuk pulls open the fridge door and sticks his head inside. "My parents are both away on business trips," he says, taking out a carton of eggs and slamming it down on the counter. "They gave me enough money to order takeout and stuff, but all the restaurants around here are disgusting. And I'd rather buy new games with the money."

Joonghyuk's weirdly talkative today. Kim Dokja has the impression that he's mad about something; maybe his parents were supposed to come home today but didn't?

"What do you want to eat?" asks Joonghyuk. "You have 10 seconds to pick. 10...9...8..."

Kim Dokja wracks his brain for an answer. "Kimchi fried rice," he blurts out and instantly regrets it. "If that's too hard to make, we can have instant noodles?"

"It's not too hard. I make it all the time."

He watches as Joonghyuk takes out the ingredients from the fridge and the pantries and lines them up on the counter in a neat row. He rolls up his sleeves, fills the pot of the rice cooker with water, and starts washing the rice with practiced ease. 

"Is there something I can do to help?"

"You can wash and cut the green onions," Joonghyuk orders. "The cutting board's over there. You want the slices to the pretty thin."

"Okay." Kim Dokja runs the green onions under the tap and sets them down on the wooden cutting board. He gingerly shifts the knife in his palm and starts to saw through the white stems. 

By the time Joonghyuk finishes washing the rice and turns on the rice cooker, he's only gotten through two-thirds of one green onion.

"Tuck your fingers in towards your palms," Joonghyuk tells him with a frown, standing over his shoulder and watching him. "You'll cut yourself holding it like that."

"You sound like my mother."

Joonghyuk's frown deepens into a scowl.

"It's a compliment," Kim Dokja clarifies.

Joonghyuk's expression immediately clears. It's kind of cute. "How is that a compliment?"

"It means you're a good person."

"Whatever. You're too slow, pass the knife to me."

Joonghyuk takes over the cutting after that. He's being a little bossy, ordering him around the kitchen like he's some sort of master chef, but Kim Dokja doesn't mind. He picks at the bandaid on his arm as he watches Joonghyuk stir the ingredients together. The smells of sizzling bacon and green onion waft through the kitchen air, and his mouth waters at the scent.

"I can crack an egg with one hand," Joonghyuk says out of the blue.

Kim Dokja doesn't know what's the difference between cracking it with two hands versus one (isn't the end result the same?), but he obliges him anyway. "Show me."

Joonghyuk shows him. He cracks the egg a little too hard and a few eggshell shards fly into the pan, but Kim Dokja pretends not to notice.

"Cool. Can you do it again?"

"Obviously." Joonghyuk's expression doesn't change much, but he seems a bit happier than before. Kim Dokja is glad.

They pile the rice into two bowls after it's done cooking, and top them off with a fried egg each.

Joonghyuk leads him upstairs with the bowls. "We're eating in my room," he orders.

"Why don't we just eat in the kitchen?" Kim Dokja asks, trying his best not to spill any rice on the carpeted steps.

"Just because. Stop asking so many questions."

Joonghyuk's room looks a lot more lived-in compared to the rest of the house. There are pens and open textbooks strewn across his desk, and there's even a small heap of dirty laundry on a chair by the side. Joonghyuk strides over to the pile of clothes and quickly shoves them under his bed.

"My room is way messier than yours," Kim Dokja assures him.

"It's just like this because I haven't had time to clean up yet since you're here."

"It's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed."

"Shut up," Joonghyuk snaps. "I'm not embarrassed."

They sit down at the desk. Joonghyuk sets his bowl down on his math textbook, completely disregarding the importance of education. Kim Dokja makes sure to move the textbooks out of the way before putting his own bowl down. 

Eating together is a lot more awkward when you're facing each other instead of sitting side by side. Kim Dokja thinks it's probably rude to stare at Joonghyuk while he's eating, so he lets his gaze wander over the room. There's a clear plastic box sitting on top of a chest of drawers, and it's filled to the brim with all sorts of game cartridges. A glimmer of gold catches his eye.

"Are those medals?" Kim Dokja asks, pointing towards them.

Joonghyuk doesn't even look up from his food. "Yes," he says in a bored voice. "I used to do Taekwondo. But I quit."

"Why did you quit if you were so good at it?"

Joonghyuk shoots the pile of dusty gold medals an indifferent look. "If no one's going to show up to my competitions, then I'd rather do things I actually like."

"Like playing video games?"

"Yeah."

Kim Dokja doesn't have any gold medals of his own, but he gets how it feels. "Your parents don't seem like very nice people," he says. It's not fair, because Joonghyuk is the type of boy who deserves all the best things in the world. He's a protagonist, and Kim Dokja is one of many nameless observers. It's just how things work.

Joonghyuk stares at him, his eyes wide with surprise. After a while, his lips curve up into a bitter smile. "They're not. Did you know they moved here in the middle of the school year without even telling me until the night before? And they keep dropping hints about sending me to boarding school 'for my own good', but they're obviously just trying to get rid of a burden. I'm not an idiot."

At least Kim Dokja has his mother; he can't imagine what it's like to have no one care about you at all.

"They never wanted a child in the first place," Joonghyuk continues in that same bored tone. "They only gave birth to me so they'd have someone to inherit everything after they die. Maybe I'll gamble all their money away once it’s mine, just to spite them."

Kim Dokja drags his chopsticks through his rice. The egg Joonghyuk fried for him is a perfect, sunny yellow. He doesn’t know why anyone would ever treat someone as amazing as Joonghyuk like that.

"I would show up to your Taekwondo competitions," he says loudly. It's not what he actually wants to say, but he thinks Joonghyuk would get it. "I would watch your gaming competitions too if you decide to play professionally. I'll buy tickets to every single one of them when I grow up."

"You mean you'd go watch me play in the World Cyber Games?" Joonghyuk asks after a long pause.

"Is that what they're called? Then sure."

There's a spark of determination in his dark eyes. "Hm. I've never played StarCraft before, but we'll see. It shouldn’t be too hard." 

Kim Dokja smiles at him. He smiles back.

Joonghyuk owns a few books that he has never seen before, and he gives him permission to read them after they finish eating. They sit on the bed together for the rest of the afternoon, Kim Dokja with a book on his lap and Joonghyuk with his console in his hands, playing Mario Kart. Their arms brush against each other every time Kim Dokja turns the page.

When it's time for him to head back, he makes Joonghyuk promise that they'll meet tomorrow too, and every day after that.

Mother used to take him to the library every week to pick a book to read when he was small. He always made a fuss when it was time to return the book—he wanted to keep everything he loved by his side forever.

“You’re just as stubborn as I am,” Mother had told him, brushing her fingers through his hair. Her smile had looked a bit sad. “People like us can never let things go, even when there’s no point holding onto them anymore.”

Back then, he didn't understand what she meant. Now, though, he thinks he gets it.

Every day spent with Joonghyuk feels like a dream come true. He keeps expecting to wake up one day and find himself alone again, but all his fears melt away when the two of them are together. There's always going to be a part of him that's a little broken, but it's alright because Joonghyuk is broken in all the same places. He can tell him secrets that he's never told anyone before and know that Joonghyuk will understand.

He wants to write down everything Joonghyuk says to him so he never forgets, but he hasn't written in his journal in a long time; what's the point of writing alone when there's so much more he could be doing with someone else?

He doesn't read as much as before either. Mother disapproves of him procrastinating on his homework, but mostly she's just relieved he's finally made a friend his age. His previous friend had been an older neighbour, and she had only stayed with him out of a sense of obligation. The walls in their apartment complex are pretty thin, after all.

But Joonghyuk is different. He doesn't look at him with thinly veiled pity in his eyes, nor does he talk down to him like he thinks Dokja might shatter if he raises his voice too loud. When it comes down to it, Joonghyuk is his first and only best friend. None of the other kids in his class or in the apartment complex could ever compare to him. Maybe this is why he had always been so unlucky in the past: he was saving all of his luck for their meeting.

"You've been going over to your friend's house almost every day these past few weeks," his mother remarks. "Are you sure you're not imposing on his family?"

Kim Dokja doesn't tell her that there isn't anyone to impose on; Joonghyuk's parents are rarely ever home. "It's okay," he just says. "He wants me there."

Sometimes he almost can't tell if he wants to be with Joonghyuk, or be him. But he knows he wants them to stay together like this for as long as possible, just the two of them, away from prying eyes and whispered rumours.

If Joonghyuk were a character in a book, he would steal him away from the library and keep him forever. He would make him the protagonist of all of his novels, so his story would never end as long as Kim Dokja was alive.

Mother is right; he is stubborn.

Chapter Text

The one downside of cooking with Yoo Joonghyuk was the fact that the whole thing was going to be filmed. The camera crew had taken a few shots of him typing gibberish on his laptop while looking serious on the second day for the montage to accompany the career reveals, but other than that he had been left alone to do whatever he wanted to every day. So the sudden attention was pretty jarring.

"We're not going to take any close-up shots of you, don't worry," one of the cameramen told him. "You're not that interesting to look at."

"...Thanks."

He briefly contemplated going back upstairs and changing into something that wasn't a boring white button-down, but he also didn't want to seem like he was trying too hard. Han Sooyoung was going to review this footage later, and nothing slipped past her critical eye.

Kim Dokja got out all the ingredients he thought they needed from the fridge and the pantries and set them down on the counter. He stared at the cameramen. They stared back at him.

"Should I start cooking?"

"Don't start until your partner gets here. Just in case something goes wrong and we don't get enough footage."

"Fine."

Thankfully, their guest of honour didn't keep them waiting for too long and soon appeared in the kitchen. Yoo Joonghyuk was wearing all black, as usual. More notably, he was wearing his tight black jeans today, the ones that left nothing to the imagination. Kim Dokja wondered if he was secretly a masochist; was it even possible to walk in those pants without cutting off all the circulation to your legs? Or maybe he was just so much of a sadist that it wrapped around and came back the other end.

"Where are the aprons?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk, glancing around with a disinterested look. Even his questions sounded like imperial decrees.

Kim Dokja pointed at the doorknob. "Over there."

The only apron left in the kitchen was a light pink one with cute white polka dots.

"Do you want me to tie yours for you?" asked Kim Dokja, struggling to keep a straight face.

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him for a few moments. "We're switching." He reached towards Kim Dokja's waist, trying to forcibly untie his apron for him.

Kim Dokja took a step back. "Are you sure you want to do this on national television?" he asked, raising his hands in a defensive stance. "What about your reputation?"

"They won't air this part."

"Exactly, so can you guys start cooking already?" one of the cameramen asked, sounding annoyed. "We don't have all day."

Yoo Joonghyuk shot him a glare dark enough to wilt flowers, and the guy quickly shut up. In the end, Yoo Joonghyuk boldly went without an apron. It's not like you could see the stains on his black shirt anyway.

"We're starting with the cake first, right?" Kim Dokja pulled up the chocolate cake recipe Yoo Sangah sent him on his phone. "I have the recipe here, we can look off my phone. Or I'll read it out loud."

In order for the anonymous texting segment to work, none of the incarnations were allowed to exchange phone numbers or privately contact each other. Kim Dokja wasn't sure why this rule also applied within the gender groups, but he wasn't about to challenge Han Sooyoung's totalitarian regime on camera.

"What are the instructions?"

"Mix four cups of flour, four cups of sugar and half a teaspoon of salt in a bowl..."

It was extremely satisfying to be the one ordering him around for once. Yet Kim Dokja noticed a small discrepancy between the instructions he was reading and Yoo Joonghyuk's actions.

"It says to add four cups of sugar, but you only put 3.5 in. Are you trying to limit his sugar intake? Isn't he too young to worry about diabetes?" he asked.

"It'll taste better this way."

Kim Dokja was pretty sure Yoo Joonghyuk had never followed this recipe before, so he had no idea where he was getting these hypothetical taste tests from. But the guy sounded confident in his judgement, so he didn't argue and let it happen. Besides, he'd personally prefer if the cake wasn't as disgustingly sugary as the recipe called for.

Watching Yoo Joonghyuk stir the pot of melted butter and cocoa powder was surprisingly relaxing. As he breathed in the sweet aroma of the ingredients, he could feel the mild migraine that he'd woken up with fading.

"Pass me the eggs."

Kim Dokja slid the carton across the counter to him. Yoo Joonghyuk stopped it with one hand and flipped the lid open with his thumb. His movements were so fluid that they almost seemed choreographed.

"Can you crack an egg with one hand?" he asked casually.

Yoo Joonghyuk froze, egg in hand.

Kim Dokja scraped down the sides of the bowl, watching as the dark streaks of cocoa melded with the white of the flour. "I can't, I always end up crushing the shell when I try. To be honest, it's kind of a useless skill anyway." When he looked up, Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at him with a complicated look on his face. "What?"

"You're not supposed to squeeze the egg, just separate the two halves slowly," said Yoo Joonghyuk. He cracked the egg against the edge of the bowl, and holding it in one hand, pried the eggshell open with his fingers. But he must have pressed too hard or something because the yolk that landed in the bowl was broken. Kim Dokja couldn't help it; he laughed.

Undeterred, Yoo Joonghyuk reached into the carton and pulled out another egg. This time he cracked it perfectly to the sound of Kim Dokja's applause. Then he pulled out a third and repeated his success. And then a fourth. Kim Dokja grabbed his hand before he could reach for a fifth.

"We only need four. And I think I get the point."

"Fine."

The cameramen exchanged confused looks, clearly unsure where this weird conversation was headed.

They finished baking the cake layers and set them along with the frosting in the fridge to cool. Jang Hayoung was going to come home and decorate it later, so the fate of the cake was out of their hands. Moving onto the more arduous task of preparing the ingredients for the barbecue, they got out the bags of meats and vegetables out of the fridge and started slicing them into edible portions.

The cameramen announced they had enough footage half an hour into the barbecue preparations and disappeared for lunch, which left the two of them alone in the house with only the surveillance cameras as company. 

Sticking chunks of raw meat onto wooden skewers was a singularly thankless task, especially when your partner was too busy fucking around with flour to help you. As Kim Dokja continued to work diligently on the skewers, he noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk had seemingly moved on to other more ambitious pursuits.

"Why are you making dumplings?" he asked in confusion. "Aren't we having barbecue?"

"Dumplings go well with barbecue."

What kind of logic was that? "No, they don't."

"They go well with anything."

"You're trying too hard to make this happen," Kim Dokja told him, his lips quirked up into a smile.

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored him and kept kneading the dough. He was even making the dumpling wrappers from scratch for some reason. Wouldn't it be faster to just use store-bought ones?

"You can take a break from that," said Yoo Joonghyuk, pointing to the mound of sausages Kim Dokja was currently slicing into rounds.

"Are you sure?" He was relieved. "Thanks, I—"

"Come help with the dumplings."

Of course there was a catch. "You and your dumplings, I swear. What do you want me to do?" 

"Dice the green onions."

Kim Dokja obediently diced them and presented them in a small bowl to Yoo Joonghyuk, who frowned like the green onions were personally offending him. "They're not chopped finely enough."

The thing is, he actually liked dumplings a lot; but Yoo Joonghyuk was seriously ruining the experience for him right now. "Go chop them yourself then."

"Whatever. They'll do."

He really wanted to punch this jerk in the face.

After finishing the meat filling and the wrappers, it was finally time to wrap the dumplings. Kim Dokja usually just ate the packaged frozen ones, so this was a completely new experience for him. He was admittedly a little excited.

"Do you even know how to wrap them?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked, looking skeptical.

"Of course, I watch cooking videos on the internet all the time," he replied. "It's just a matter of converting theory to practice."

"Don't get too full of yourself."

"Do you not trust me?"

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him silently, which was unnerving. It was just a spontaneous question, so it's not like he was actually expecting a serious answer. 

Kim Dokja turned away and busied himself with the dumplings, arranging the small bowl of water and a stack of wrappers in front of him. He could still feel the weight of Yoo Joonghyuk's stare on his back even though none of them said anything.

Converting theory to practice was not as easy as it seemed.

He had no idea how Yoo Joonghyuk was churning out perfectly wrapped dumplings every thirty seconds like a goddamn industrial machine. Kim Dokja took his words back; the man wasn't artificial intelligence, he was God's blessing to the food industry. His talents were wasted as a pro gamer.

Kim Dokja couldn't replicate the intricate folds of the dough no matter how hard he tried. In the end, he just gave up and started rolling them into balls and squares and other interesting shapes he could think of, just to change things up little. Yoo Joonghyuk had been so invested in his own dumpling-making that he didn't even notice the misshapen creatures sneaking their way onto the plates until it was too late.

"What the hell are these?" he demanded. He squeezed a dumpling ball between his thumb and index finger until it gurgled sadly and spat out a glob of meat filling.

"Art doesn't conform to social expectations," said Kim Dokja, trying not to laugh at the look of disgust on Yoo Joonghyuk's face.

"Unwrap them and redo them."

"I can't," Kim Dokja pointed out. "It's impossible to separate the wrapper from the filling now, they're stuck together. You're too late."

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes filled with a dark fury. He really did take his cooking seriously. 

"Maybe the highly symmetrical shape of the dumpling balls will lend themselves to an unexpected explosion of flavour," Kim Dokja hastily added before he could put the kitchen knives to creative use. "Don't you want to find out?"

"You're eating those ones yourself."

"Sure, I don't mind. I've had worse."

Kim Dokja was officially exiled from the dumpling station and went back to washing lettuce. After another thirty minutes, Yoo Joonghyuk finished wrapping the last of his dumplings and began loading all of Kim Dokja's failed creations into bamboo steamers. 

"Why are you steaming them now?" Kim Dokja asked, piling the lettuce leaves into a bowl. "They'll be cold by the time it's time for dinner."

"They're for lunch."

"I see." Kim Dokja had forgotten all about the fact that they hadn't had anything to eat since this morning. "So we're both having my ugly dumplings for lunch then? I thought you had a more discerning palate than that."

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored him.

After the dumplings were ready, they sat down at the kitchen table opposite each other to eat them. Yoo Joonghyuk was a hardcore purist and ate them without any dipping sauce. Kim Dokja, on the other hand, was mentally weaker and required additional taste support. With everyone else gone, the house was surprisingly silent except for the occasional chime of chopsticks against porcelain. He could still see faint swirls of steam rising from the stovetop, shimmering in the light that streamed through the glass windows.

'Home' was an intangible thing. It could be a place, a person, a certain smell or taste, or even the way sunlight caught on your old bedroom curtains on a lazy Sunday afternoon and laced them through with gold. Kim Dokja had never really thought about what his own definition of it would be since he doubted he had ever truly had one.

Yet somehow, even though it was hard to describe why—the dumplings reminded him of home.

The barbecue that night went surprisingly well. No one got stuck in the grill, no one caught on fire, and the total amount of casualties at dinner was zero. The Yoo Joonghyuk Dumplings were a sleeper hit, and Yoo Sangah even asked him for the recipe. Lee Hyunsung and Yoo Joonghyuk did most of the grilling—the former because he was nice and volunteered to do the job no one wanted to do, and the latter because he had a stick up his ass and high standards for food. Together, they looked like they should have been on a cooking show and not a dating show.

By the end of dinner, Lee Jihye had started calling Lee Hyunsung 'Emperor of Steelsword'. She really watched too much anime. Kim Dokja told her as much, and nearly got stabbed through the gut with one of those steel swords (barbecue skewers) himself. Jung Heewon fixed the adults drinks as they unveiled the chocolate cake in all its decadent glory. 

"Yoo Joonghyuk poured his heart and soul into this cake for you," Kim Dokja narrated as Kim Namwoon blew out the candles. "If you taste a vague note of sea salt with the chocolate, it's from the tears of love he shed into the cake batter while he was mixing it."

"You have a death wish," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"I don't."

Lee Jihye was watching them with a glimmer in her eyes. "Are the two of them always like this?" she asked Jung Heewon, sounding scarily eager.

"Yeah. I have no idea how they haven't gotten bored of it yet, this is some grade school pigtail-pulling bullshit." Jung Heewon poured out an electric blue cocktail into a salt-rimmed glass. "Anyone want to try this one? It's my favourite. I call it Destruction because it makes you incredibly hungover the next morning—"

"Can I try it?"

"...Jihye, we're on camera. You’re underage.”

Kim Namwoon could carry his alcohol surprisingly well. There was definitely some degree of illegal underage drinking behind the scenes that contributed to that level of tolerance, but everyone kept hush about it. 

Unfortunately, Lee Hyunsung had a little too many of Jung Heewon's Destructions at her insistence and had to excuse himself. Lee Seolhwa offered to escort him upstairs to bed, and the two of them disappeared through the veranda doors together. Behind them, Jung Heewon slammed her cocktail shaker down onto the table and spilled alcohol all over Kim Namwoon's pants.

Han Sooyoung would have an aneurysm if no one on her dating show actually got together in the end, so for the sake of her health, Kim Dokja decided to be a little more proactive. 

"Heewon-ssi," he said, "why don't you go inside and check up on Hyunsung-ssi? I think he might be sick."

"Why would I do that?" Jung Heewon retorted, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I don't have an MD. He doesn't need me there."

He knew a hopeless situation when he saw one. Switching gears, Kim Dokja tapped Yoo Joonghyuk on the shoulder discreetly and got his attention. "You should go inside with them," he whispered.

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an unimpressed look. "No."

Seriously, some guys didn't have a single romantic bone in their body. Kim Dokja was by no means an expert on romance, but he was practically Casanova compared to these dense idiots. When he looked up, he saw Yoo Sangah watching them interact with a curious look on her face. He caught her eye and smiled; she smiled back. It seemed as if the monumental task of raising the success rate of Han Sooyoung's show was now resting in their hands.

"My pants are wet!" Kim Namwoon was yelling.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you wet yourself. Stop shouting like a madman."

"The fuck? YOU'RE the one who—"

Luckily, Lee Jihye diffused the tension between Jung Heewon and Kim Namwoon before it could escalate to violence by stuffing birthday cake down his shirt. (Jang Hayoung was right, there was something fishy going on between them.)

While Kim Namwoon got changed, the rest of them piled back inside the house and set up the controllers for their Smash tournament. Yoo Sangah used a random number generator to decide the match-ups, and Kim Dokja ended up in the same pool as Yoo Joonghyuk, Jung Heewon, and Kim Namwoon.

"Which button do you press to jump again?" asked Kim Dokja, examining the small controller in his hand with interest.

Kim Namwoon gave him a distrustful glare. "What makes you think I'd tell you? As if I'd give an opponent an advantage over me."

"He literally doesn't even know how to play the game, Kim Namwoon," Lee Jihye said in a monotone. "You should be more worried about how you're going to win against Master."

"Jihye is right. Joonghyuk-ssi, you should pick Kirby as your character," said Jung Heewon. "Joonghyuk-ssi!"

When it was obvious he was ignoring her, she leaned over Kim Dokja's lap and tried to wrestle Yoo Joonghyuk's controller from him. Kim Dokja narrowly avoided getting kneed in the groin. 

"Listen, you need a handicap or none of us are going to stand a chance against you. Also it's funnier that way." 

Yoo Joonghyuk ripped his controller out of her hands and pushed her off of Kim Dokja. "Sit down before I make you," he warned.

"I'm trying to ensure the fairness of the game."

"How is picking Kirby supposed to be a handicap?" asked Kim Dokja.

Yoo Sangah took a delicate bite out of her slice of chocolate cake. "Kirby's one of the relatively weaker characters, I believe."

"That's not true, Sangah-unnie," Lee Jihye said defensively. "I always play as Kirby and I've never lost a match."

"That's because you've never played against me before," boasted Kim Namwoon.

She smacked him in the face with her ponytail. "We'll see about that."

Yoo Joonghyuk did end up picking Kirby in the end after being peer pressured into it, though he changed its colour to black in an act of defiance.

"You could use more colour in your life, Joonghyuk-ah,"  Kim Dokja said. "Why didn't you stick with the pink? It suits you better."

"Shut up."

The two of them had ended up sitting unnaturally close to each other on the couch since Jung Heewon was taking up far too much room with her casual sprawl. Yoo Joonghyuk's knee kept knocking into his leg painfully; Kim Dokja had a feeling he was doing it on purpose, but he had no proof. So he settled for 'accidentally' elbowing Yoo Joonghyuk in the stomach at irregular intervals.

"The black Kirby's colour scheme is better," Lee Jihye interrupted before Yoo Joonghyuk could reply. "And Kim Namwoon, what are you waiting for? Pick your character already."

"I'm working on it."

Kim Namwoon was still googling the strongest Smash characters on his phone, while Jung Heewon settled with a male elf with an impressive-looking sword. It was obvious she had chosen the guy for his looks, but Kim Dokja valued his life enough to know not to mention it. 

"Hurry up, birthday boy," Jung Heewon ordered, nudging Kim Namwoon with her foot from where she was lounging on the couch behind him. "Who cares which one you pick? We'll definitely beat him if all three of us team up."

Jung Heewon and Kim Namwoon had quickly come to an agreement that the honour of defeating Yoo Joonghyuk was worth more than their respective grudges, and were now presenting a united front against him. Kim Dokja was just tagging along for the ride.

Kim Namwoon swatted her foot away angrily. "Shut up! I'm trying to figure out which guy works best with your characters. And why the hell did you pick Wii Fit Trainer, Kim Dokja? She's useless."

"Well..."

"Stop complaining and hurry up," Lee Jihye complained.

"Be quiet, I'm trying to concentrate!"

Kim Dokja glanced up at the screen. Even a creature as harmless and round as Kirby somehow seemed incredibly intimidating when you knew Yoo Joonghyuk was behind the wheel. He personally preferred to stick to something humanoid and refreshingly not chuuni.

The game finally began after Lee Jihye threatened to physically disqualify Kim Namwoon for taking too long. The scene opened on an aerial platform surrounded by white marble columns. Kim Dokja had barely oriented himself when the sounds of fighting started up. Yoo Joonghyuk went for Jung Heewon first, possibly out of a personal grudge. Their fight was brutally one-sided despite Kim Namwoon and Kim Dokja's attempts at providing assistance, and she was quickly dispatched.

"Remind me what was the point of letting him play again?" asked Jung Heewon, looking up at the sky with an air of disillusionment.

Kim Namwoon cursed as Kirby swallowed his character and spat him into the abyss. "Fuck! Kim Dokja, get over here and help!"

"The least you could do is call me hyung."

The two of them attacked Kirby together, but it was no use. He avoided all of their attacks with ease and in return pulled off flashy combo after combo. Kim Namwoon's character let out a scream and perished. Now it was only Kim Dokja with his two lives left, versus Yoo Joonghyuk with three.

"Go, Master!" yelled Lee Jihye, punching the air. "Defeat this rat bastard!"

"I thought you were on our side." His gray avatar wandered aimlessly around the map as she tried her best to avoid the bloodthirsty Kirby.

"Uh, no? I want Master to win."

"You calling him Master in a contemporary setting is a bit—"

Kirby caught up to him and delivered a critical hit to his face, knocking his number of lives down to one. Lee Jihye cheered.

"He really is invincible," Jang Hayoung said in awe, her fork frozen in mid-air.

Yoo Sangah shook her head sadly. "I should have known there was no way anyone could beat Joonghyuk-ssi at a game."

She was right, they were naive to think they could beat him while he was in his element. For the first time, Kim Dokja had to admit that 'Supreme King' was actually a pretty fitting title, which was disappointing because he had secretly pictured Yoo Joonghyuk as a lazy sunfish this whole time.

"Just die already, Yoo Joonghyuk," said Kim Dokja.

And yet Yoo Joonghyuk refused to die. After finishing off Kim Namwoon, he smashed Kim Dokja's Wii Fit Trainer into the ground face-first while she was in the middle of a yoga pose and punched her twenty times in a row. Then he kicked her off the platform and into oblivion.

"Joonghyuk-ssi has a huge competitive streak, doesn't he," Yoo Sangah remarked.

Kim Dokja set his controller down with a sigh. "Does someone want to take my place in the next round?"

"I can," said Jang Hayoung. Her eyes shone with determination. "I haven't played in a while though, so I'm probably pretty rusty."

She lasted much longer than either of them did against Yoo Joonghyuk, but she still wasn't powerful enough to take him down. By unanimous vote, they decided to crown Yoo Joonghyuk king and ban him from participating in the tournament any further. Now Kim Dokja understood why fans of other pro gaming teams were always yelling at him to retire already on Twitter.

Kim Namwoon won in the end, though Kim Dokja suspected it was only because Jang Hayoung and Yoo Sangah went easy on him. Either way, the birthday boy was pleased. He was even more pleased when Yoo Joonghyuk gave him his autograph as a prize for winning, though Lee Jihye also got one for coming in a close second.

"I thought you had a no autograph policy," Kim Dokja remarked as they headed back to their rooms for the night. "I see people complaining about it on Twitter all the time." 

After turning on his bedside lamp, he sat down on the side of his bed and undid the top two buttons of his shirt, baring his throat.

"I make exceptions," Yoo Joonghyuk said curtly.

"It was nice of you to do that for them. Since when did you have a heart?"

"Since always."

Kim Dokja was taken aback. Was he actually joking with him instead of immediately taking offence?

"I always thought you just materialized into existence one day with defective facial muscles and maxed out stats,” he said. He wouldn't be himself if he didn't take advantage of Yoo Joonghyuk’s moment of weakness to mess with him. "It's good to know that you were actually born into the world like the rest of us mortals."

Yoo Joonghyuk walked over to his desk, ripped off a sticky note from the pad, and scribbled something down on it with a pen. As he passed by Kim Dokja on his way to the bathroom, he slapped the sticky note onto his forehead. "Go to bed."

"Good night, Joonghyuk-ah," he called after him. "Don't drown in the toilet!"

The bathroom door slammed shut in response. Kim Dokja plucked the sticky note off his forehead with a smile and flipped it over. It was an autograph.

***

School ends, and summer vacation begins. Every morning Kim Dokja wakes up, gets dressed, and walks over to Joonghyuk's house, where he spends the rest of the day until it's time to head home for dinner. It's too bad he can't sleep there; Mother would want to speak to Joonghyuk's parents if he asked her for permission, which wouldn't work out because they're never actually home.

He rings the doorbell of Joonghyuk's house after climbing up the steps. There's the sound of footsteps running down the stairs, and Joonghyuk throws the door open. His cheeks look a little flushed and he's wearing his favourite shirt, the white one.

"You're early today."

Kim Dokja toes off his shoes and wanders into the kitchen. "I couldn't really sleep, so I got up early. Did something good happen?"

"How did you know?" asks Joonghyuk, resting his arms on the kitchen chair.

"You look really happy." He pours himself a glass of water. 

"My father called," Joonghyuk replies. There's a liveliness to his voice that wasn't there before. "The three of us are going to Jeju Island together this summer. It's the first time we've ever gone on vacation together as a family. Not that I really care."

It's obvious in the way Joonghyuk says it that he does care a lot. Kim Dokja's heart sinks.

"Did they usually leave you at home alone during the summer?"

"No. They used to dump me at my grandfather's house, but he passed away last winter. So I guess that's why this year's different."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" There's a small crease between Joonghyuk's eyebrows. "It's not your fault he died. And he hated kids, so it's not like I was close with him."

"Sorry."

Joonghyuk sighs. "Stop apologizing already."

"How long are you going to be gone for?" asks Kim Dokja. He hopes he doesn't sound too clingy. "One week? Two weeks?"

"I'm not sure, but it's going to be a long trip. I probably won't be back until the next semester starts." Joonghyuk notices the change in Kim Dokja's expression, and adds, "I asked if you could come on the trip with us, but they said no. Don't worry, I'll bring you souvenirs."

He knows he should be happy for Joonghyuk, but a selfish part of him doesn't want anything to change. Joonghyuk will probably meet all sorts of new and more interesting people while on vacation, and then when he comes back he'll realize that Kim Dokja really isn't anything special. That he can do better.

"When are you leaving?" he asks instead. 

Joonghyuk hesitates for a fraction of a second before answering. "The flight is this Sunday morning at 8:00 am. My parents are coming home on Friday, so I'll probably be busy packing then. You probably can't come over this weekend."

"Still, let's meet up one last time on Saturday before you leave," says Kim Dokja. He clenches his fists where Joonghyuk can't see them. "We can meet at the park if your parents are home. Okay?"

"Sure," Joonghyuk replies.

They head upstairs to Joonghyuk's room like they always do.

"What are we having for lunch later?" Kim Dokja asks expectantly, letting his fingers catch on the wooden railings of the stairs.

"Dumplings."

"Did you wrap them yourself?"

"No. Homemade dumplings take too much time to make."

"That's true."

They're playing Pokemon again today because Joonghyuk is a terrible person who likes naming all the ugliest ones after him and watching him get annoyed.

"Which one are you going to use against it?" Kim Dokja asks when they encounter an enemy in the game. "Psyduck?"

"Is that the only one you remember?" Joonghyuk asks, unimpressed. "I'm using Dokja [3]."

Dokja [3] is an ugly purple rat. Similarly, Dokja [1] is an ugly fish, Dokja [2] is an ugly flower, and Dokjas [4] to [7] are all Psyducks.

"Don't call it that. And I thought I changed the names last time?"

"I changed them back after you left. Obviously."

Kim Dokja kicks his leg, but Joonghyuk just raises his eyebrows at him like it doesn't even hurt. Sometimes Kim Dokja suspects he's secretly a robot built by the government to take over the world. It's the only logical explanation; if all 11-year-olds were naturally as scary as Joonghyuk is, then they wouldn't need nuclear weapons.

"How's your novel going?" Joonghyuk suddenly asks. They always chat about random things when he's playing a game.

Kim Dokja has almost completely forgotten about his work in progress. "It's not really going. I have writer's block right now."

"Writer's block?"

"It's like when you can't think of what to write, and you keep getting stuck on a part of the book."

"What part are you stuck on?"

Kim Dokja thinks about it. He's not actually that stuck, he just hasn't been in the mood to work on it recently. But still, he does have a few problems he's been struggling with. Namely his characters.

"I don't know what kind of person I want my protagonist to be," he replies.

"What kind of problem is that?" Joonghyuk scoffs. "They can be anyone you want them to be. You're the author, you can do whatever you want."

Joonghyuk loves being the absolute authority on How To Do Things, even if he doesn’t actually know how. It's pretty funny how he always runs his mouth about topics he’s not familiar with. Kim Dokja once asked him about the Asian Financial Crisis, just to be difficult, and not surprisingly Joonghyuk had an Opinion about that too. 

"Then maybe I'll write a book with you as the main character," he shoots back. 

"No. Use yourself as the main character."

"Why don't you want to be my protagonist?" Kim Dokja asks curiously.

"I like being myself better," Joonghyuk replies.

"But I'd make you ten times cooler in the book than you are in real life, you lame jerk."

Joonghyuk shoves him, his hand jostling Kim Dokja’s arm. His sleeve rides up, exposing the sickly purple patch of skin underneath.

And of course, Joonghyuk notices. "What's that on your arm?" he asks, pointing at his wrist.

Kim Dokja tugs his long-sleeves down until they're covering his wrists again. "It's nothing."

"You're lying again."

"I'm not—"

Joonghyuk grabs his arm before he can pull away, and pushes up his sleeve. He narrows his eyes at the sight of the bruises staining Kim Dokja's arm. "Who did this?"

"What?"

"I'll go beat them up for you," Joonghyuk says fiercely. "It's probably the kids in your class who did this, right?"

"It's not the kids in my class."

"So they're from a different school?"

Kim Dokja can't meet his eyes. "Just drop it, it doesn't matter. Can we talk about something else?"

Joonghyuk presses his lips together in anger. His cheeks puff up a little, and he kind of looks like a handsome pufferfish. Kim Dokja wants to poke him in the cheek, but he knows that Joonghyuk has a black belt in Taekwondo and isn't afraid to use it.

Joonghyuk throws his console onto his bed and stands up. Unsure of what to do, Kim Dokja stands up as well.

"Is this the first time it's happened?" Joonghyuk demands, voice sharp.

Kim Dokja picks at the seam of his shorts, still looking anywhere but directly at him. "Not really."

"So it's been happening for a while now."

"Maybe."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

Kim Dokja lets out a noisy exhale. "It's not like you can do anything about it. No one can."

"You wouldn't get beaten up if you knew how to defend yourself," Joonghyuk says loudly, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to look at him. "I'll teach you. The next time they try to hit you, hit them back twice as hard. And if they still bother you after that, tell them to come find me. I'll make them beg for mercy."

No one has ever stood up for him like this before. Kim Dokja's chest feels tight, and he bewilderedly thinks that he might actually cry. He hasn't cried in years.

"...How are you going to make them beg for mercy?" he asks, forcing his voice into a light-hearted tone.

"You don't need to know, that's my job. Your job is to learn proper self-defence." Joonghyuk lets go of him and takes a step back. He beckons at him. "Punch me."

Kim Dokja's eyes widen in surprise. "What? I can't punch you."

"Obviously you won't be able to land a hit on me," Joonghyuk says mockingly, "but I meant that you can try."

Well, if he's going to be such a jerk about it then maybe Kim Dokja will hit him. He curls his right hand into a fist and swings. Joonghyuk sidesteps him, grabs his outstretched arm, and pins it behind his back.

"You're not even making a fist the proper way," he says in a stern voice, releasing him. "Don't tuck your thumb into your fingers, keep it outside and cover the middle knuckle of your first two fingers with it. No, not like that , are you an idiot? I said middle knuckle—"

"You're so annoying," Kim Dokja complains.

Joonghyuk glares at him. "Say that again and I'll put hot sauce in your ice cream tomorrow."

"I'm not dumb enough to fall for a prank like that."

"You are pretty dumb though."

"You know I get better grades than you at school, right?"

"So?"

He swings at him again and misses.

Joonghyuk has the gall to look pleased. He really does have a terrible personality. "That’s better. But you want to twist your hips when you punch and follow through with your whole body so there's more force—"

Kim Dokja kicks him in the shin, but Joonghyuk dodges it easily.

"We're working on punches right now," he reminds him.

"I know. I just want to beat you up."

"As if you could."

He tries to kick him again, and this time he trips over Joonghyuk's feet and barrels into him. They go down in a tangle of limbs, with Kim Dokja lying on top, his chin resting on the warm hollow of Joonghyuk's neck. He can hear Joonghyuk's heartbeat, strong and steady and a little fast. He smells like lemon-scented laundry detergent and freshly cooked rice. It's very, very warm.

"Get up. You're heavy," Joonghyuk says quietly.

"No."

There's the sound of rustling fabric, and then he feels Joonghyuk wrap his arms around him.

Kim Dokja closes his eyes. If only time would stop, he thinks.

Chapter Text

He’s dreaming.

"Why read a story I already know?" he hears himself ask.

"If you read it again, it will definitely be a different story."

"...I don't want to."

"Then write your own story next time."

"Why would I do that?"

She gathers him into a hug. "Did you know, Dokja-yah? Writing is like playing God."

"Playing God?"

"Every book is a universe created by the writer, and the characters are the people in it." She brushes the hair from his face with gentle fingers. "As long as the writer doesn't stop writing, the characters will keep living on in that world, and their story will never end."

He looks down at the book in his hands.

"If you want to keep reading forever," she says, "then write your own story."

Kim Dokja wakes up in his bed. It's still dark outside, and his mouth feels dry. He silently opens his bedroom door and steps outside. The light is still on in the kitchen, and he can hear the kitchen tap running.

"Mother?" he asks quietly.

There's no reply.

As he draws nearer, he can make out the sound of something else above the sound of running water. Mother is crying.

It's a sunny day in July today. The sun is bright outside, and the sky is an untainted shade of blue. Kim Dokja sits on the grass at the park with his back against the tree trunk, watching an airplane swim through the sky. He doesn't have to wait long for the person he's meeting here to arrive.

"Hey, Kim Dokja," says Joonghyuk, frowning down at him. "What happened to your face?"

Kim Dokja blinks up at him and gingerly touches his fingers to the bandage on his cheek. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing." There's anger simmering in Joonghyuk's voice. "Did you get beaten up again?"

"Maybe."

"By who? Tell me their names."

"No."

"Tell me."

"..."

"Go on. I'm waiting."

He can still hear echoes of Mother's screams in his mind whenever he closes his eyes. "I'm not getting bullied,” he says.

"Then why the hell does your face look like this? Don't tell me it was an accident, I'm not blind—"

"It's my father. My father hits me, and he hits Mother too." His next words are nothing more than a tiny whisper on his lips, "I hate him."

He can hear birds chirping in the trees and the sounds of other children laughing in the distance. Joonghyuk drops onto the grass beside him, their bare arms brushing against each other. Kim Dokja shifts closer and rests his head on Joonghyuk's shoulder.

"You should call the police."

"The neighbours have called the police before. But they just tell him not to do it again, or they'll take him away for a day or two and he gets even madder when he comes back."

Joonghyuk is quiet.

"It's not usually this bad," Kim Dokja continues, sounding indifferent. "Everything was okay these past few months. He's just in a bad mood right now, but it'll be over soon and things will be back to normal."

"If you hate him," Joonghyuk says in a low voice, "then run away. You can stay with me, my parents won't even notice there's an extra person in the house."

"What about my mother?"

Joonghyuk squints, like he's thinking about it. "You can both stay with me,” he declares. “I’ll cook for her too.”

Kim Dokja didn’t know it was possible to like someone this much.

His laugh sounds like a sob. "It's not that simple, idiot.” 

"Don't call me idiot, idiot."

"Idiot."

"Shut up."

"We should celebrate your birthday after you get back from your trip," Kim Dokja suddenly says. "It doesn't matter if it's already passed, I want to celebrate it with you again."

"What the hell?" Joonghyuk sounds exasperated. "Stop changing the subject. We're talking about you right now, not me."

"Well, I think you should stop swearing all the time."

"I don't swear all the—you're doing it again."

The light summer breeze feels warm against his skin. "You don't have to worry about me," Kim Dokja says softly, looking down at his hands. "I'm fine now, really. And I'll be fine as long as you're here."

There's no reply, and for a second Kim Dokja thinks he might have scared him away. But then Joonghyuk moves his hand over his, and he knows it's okay. They sit there together for a long time without speaking, holding hands and leaning on each other. The mellow greens of the soft grass, the creamy yellows of the dandelions, and the rich brown hues of the tree branches seem brighter. Everything looks more vivid when there's someone sharing the sight with you.

"Don't buy me something stupid for my birthday," says Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja lifts his head from his shoulder to look at him. "Define stupid."

"Something useless."

"What's not useless to you?"

"Just bake me a cake or something," Joonghyuk replies.

"I don't know how."

"I'll teach you."

"It wouldn't be a proper present if you did half the work for it."

"It doesn't matter. Let’s do it together anyway."

“Okay.”

Joonghyuk tilts his face to the side, and they stare at each other in silence for a few moments. Then Kim Dokja leans in and presses his lips to his cheek. He pulls back almost immediately, cheeks burning.

Joonghyuk doesn't say anything, but his eyes are very, very bright.

"I like you," Kim Dokja tells him.

"...Same."

"Are you a narcissist?"

"You know what I mean."

He does.

Their fingers are still intertwined in the grass. He squeezes Joonghyuk’s hand, and Joonghyuk squeezes back. "We'll definitely see each other again, right?" asks Kim Dokja.

"Of course we will."

"I won't forgive you if you lie."

"I'm not lying."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Joonghyuk doesn't come back the next week, or the week after that, or even when summer ends and school starts up again. Kim Dokja tells himself that it's okay. Some people go on summer vacation for a really long time, and it's not like Joonghyuk cares about missing school. He's probably just having too much fun wherever he is, without him. He'll be back any day now.

The longer Joonghyuk is gone, the more he starts to wonder if this was all just a fever dream. Maybe there was no Joonghyuk all along, no best friend, no sharing a popsicle in the summer heat, no eating dumplings together with their ankles interlaced under the table, no kiss. Maybe Kim Dokja has been alone this whole time. He knows he's obsessed, but he can't help it—he doesn't want to let go. He can't.

He counts the days since they last saw each other in his notebook. He stops by Joonghyuk's house every day after school and sits on the front porch for hours. Yet the curtains in the windows remain drawn, and he never sees the person he’s waiting for inside them.

On the seventy-fifth day, there are moving trucks out front. Kim Dokja watches, frozen to the spot, as workers unload large brown boxes from the back of the truck and move them into the empty house. Joonghyuk’s existence is being overwritten.

"What are you doing here?" a gruff voice asks from behind him.

He turns around. A stranger he doesn't recognize is standing there, smoking a cigarette. "Get out of the way, you're blocking the workers."

"Are you moving into this house, ahjussi?" he asks nervously.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you have the contact information of the people who lived here before you? It's just, my friend used to live here, and I don't know where he went... Do you have a phone number I can call? I just want to know—"

The man takes another puff of his cigarette. "I've got no clue. Now scram, kid. Go home."

"But I—"

"Do you not have ears?" The man shoves him, hard. He stumbles and falls onto the pavement. "Stop hanging around my house! You're trespassing on private property!"

He doesn't move.

"GO!" the man shouts at him.

Kim Dokja gets up and walks back to the park where he first met Joonghyuk, where he crawls underneath the slide and hugs his knees to his chest. He sits there for a long time, until the sun fades past the horizon and the streetlights start to glow a dusty yellow. Then, finally, he goes home.

Mother is sitting by herself on the couch in the darkness. There are dark circles under her eyes and a bruise on her cheek, but her smile is as soft as ever.

"What's wrong, Dokja-yah?" she asks gently.

He buries his face into her shirt and lets the tears fall. He's been left behind.

A year passes. He thinks about Joonghyuk every single day, scared that he’ll forget him if he doesn’t. Yet slowly but surely, the painful longing in his chest blooms into hatred. He can’t tell who he hates more: his father for beating him, or Joonghyuk for leaving him. If he was going to throw him away like this, then he shouldn't have been kind to him in the first place. At least Father never gave him hope before taking it away.

Just when he thinks he's going to spend the rest of his life like this, his world is shattered by a flash of cold steel and a river of crimson seeping across the dirty floor. There’s blood everywhere, on his hands, on Mother’s shirt, on her face and on the knife and on Father’s chest—until there isn’t anymore. 

The police officers ask him questions, but he doesn’t know how to answer any of them. He can't remember much at all; not just about what happened, but also everything else. It's like someone reached into his head with a spoon and scooped all of his happy memories out, leaving only a black emptiness behind.

One day, a stranger comes to pick him up at the police station. 

"I'm your father's cousin, Dokja," she says, petting his head like he's some sort of small animal. "You've stayed at my house before. Do you still remember me?"

He shakes his head slowly.

"You should probably take him to see a counsellor or a psychiatrist," one of the officers tells her quietly when they think he's not listening. "Traumatic events like these can have lasting negative effects on the child's mental state."

"A psychiatrist?" His aunt’s voice is shrill, and it grates at his ears unpleasantly. "Why? Dokja is nothing like his crazy bitch of a mother! He's just a little shaken up right now, but he'll be fine once he's had time to forget about it. Children are resilient."

"He hasn't cried once since he's arrived here."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"I just don't think it's healthy for him to act this way. This is a serious issue, you should really take him to go see someone."

"I'm sorry, but you have no right to lecture me on how to raise my children." His aunt walks over to him and grabs him by his arm, lifting him out of his chair and dragging him towards the exit. "We're leaving, Dokja. Say goodbye to the officer."

"Goodbye," he says dully.

The officer forces out a smile for him. "Take care of yourself, okay?" Then, “I’m sorry.”

What are you apologizing for? he wonders.

He moves into his aunt and uncle's house. His older cousin is away at university and not home, while the younger one is in middle school. They don't have anything in common and never talk to each other, but he prefers it that way. There's nothing he wants to talk about.

His aunt says he'll fall behind the other kids if he misses too many classes, so he starts going to school again the next week. It's the middle of the term, and everyone is already friends with everyone else. He doesn't fit in. People ask him questions about where he's from, what's he doing here, why did he transfer, but he doesn't want to answer any of them. 

He's walking home one day after school when a group of his classmates calls out to him on the street. "Hey, New Kid!" 

He doesn't reply.

The leader of the group runs up to him and grabs his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. "Are you deaf? Or dumb? Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

"You shouldn't talk to him," someone else says. "His craziness might be contagious."

"Hyojin asked you a question at lunch today. Why'd you ignore her?" The leader shoves him, and he stumbles back a few steps. "Didn’t your parents teach you manners?”

His hands twitch at his sides.

"Are you listening to me? Hey!"

Cover the middle knuckle of your first two fingers with your thumb. He punches the leader in the face.

The kid rears back with a scream, "You little—!"

Before he can land another hit, the other kids grab him and slam him down onto the ground. Soon all he can do is cover his face with his arms and wait for it to be over. After a while, the punches stop hurting. 

The nightmares start a few months later. He sees her smile everywhere he goes, and everything around him reminds him of her betrayal. His happy memories of her fester inside him like a tumour, until he's rotting away from the inside out. He wants to forget, he doesn't want to remember anymore, he doesn’t want to be here anymore, get him out of here gethimoutgethimoutgethimout—

"Dokja," his uncle says, "you should go visit your mother."

"Why would he want to visit that psychopath?"

"She's still his mother."

"He's better off without her." His aunt glances at him and frowns. "Kim Dokja, stop picking at your breakfast. And why do you look so gloomy? Go outside and get some fresh air, stop shutting yourself in your room all the time. You'd have more friends if—"

"Mother, seconds."

"Coming!"

His uncle drives him to the jailhouse on the weekend. "You could probably take the bus here next time," he says, putting the car in park. "It's pretty simple. You take the train to XXXX, then take line 3149 all the way to the last stop. Here, I’ll write it down for you."

He unbuckles his seatbelt at a sluggish pace. "Thank you," he says, because that's what he should say.

"I won't be able to come pick you up so just take the bus home, okay? Good boy."

The car drives away, leaving him standing by himself on the deserted road. No one ever asks him what he wants; but then again, he doesn't know what he wants either.

In his first year of middle school, a book gets published. A few days later, he's woken up by the noise of something shattering against the wall in the kitchen. He stays in bed for another hour listening to her muffled shouts, until he can't stand the thirst anymore and heads downstairs.

"—acting like my cousin is some kind of monster!" his aunt is yelling. "I grew up with him, I know what kind of person he is!"

He stops on the last step of the staircase, his face half-hidden in the shadows.

"Do you even know what the neighbours are saying about us?" she sobs. "I can tell they're talking about me behind my back, I know they think I’m a fool—" Her tearful gaze catches on his small frame, and she stomps over to where he's standing. " You. "  Her nails dig into his arm as she drags him from the staircase into the kitchen. "You and your ungrateful mother! Do you know how much I'm sacrificing, letting you stay with us?” She shakes him roughly. “You've been visiting her every week, did you know she was going to do this?!"

His uncle sighs. "That's enough, the neighbours will hear and think we're abusing him. Do you really want to give them more things to gossip about?"

"Abuse? " His aunt lets out a hysterical laugh. "So anyone can just point their fingers and call 'abuse' nowadays, huh? I can't believe they let her publish her lies, can't they tell this is just a ploy to ruin our lives?!"

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake Myungyong." His uncle glances at him, but there's no warmth in his steady gaze. "Dokja, go back to your room."

He walks up the stairs, shuts the door, and sits down on the ground with his back against it. When he closes his eyes, his aunt's muffled sobs sound a lot like Mother's. 

He used to think he was living in Hell, but he was wrong. That was Purgatory. This is Hell.

The media hound him every single day. They follow him from school and back to the house, where his uncle tries in vain to keep them out with harsh words and warnings. By the end of the month, everyone in school knows about Kim Dokja and his murderer of a mother. 

The whispered rumours and prying eyes follow him everywhere, and even a few teachers try to ask him about the book. The journalists are the worst, always reading excerpts out loud and asking him what he thinks of them. He didn’t read it, and he doesn't get why everyone keeps trying to make him read it. Why would he read a story he already knows? He buries himself in his schoolwork and the books at the library, but even then he still can't drown out their voices.

No one in the house can look him in the eye anymore. His cousin and uncle like to pretend they can't see him even when he's in the same room as them, while his aunt likes finding trivial excuses to punish him. He's not allowed to eat at the dining table with them anymore, because she says the sight of him disgusts her. He doesn't mind. He doesn't have an appetite anyway. 

He spends his days alone, and all his words left unsaid hang in the air around him like cobwebs made of dust and ashes. Every night he goes to bed wishing the world would end tomorrow and take him along with it, but it never does. He wants to run away, but he doesn’t have anywhere to go anymore.

The bullying gets worse. It's like everyone wants to prod and poke at him to see how he'll react. He gets it; flies are attracted to rotting meat. They've never seen anything as fascinating as him in their short lives before, and youth is all about experimentation.

"I've been hearing reports of students in this class getting bullied recently," their homeroom teacher says at the beginning of class. "Lay off Kim Dokja, will you? He's going through a hard time right now."

There's a wave of snickers in the classroom. This is all just a joke to them, something to do to pass the time.

"If I catch you little shits harassing him again, I'll have to call your parents. Got it? Now open your books and turn to page 170, we haven't got all day..."

He gets cornered at his desk at lunch by his usual group of bullies.

"Kim Psycho, did you tattle to the teacher?" a girl demands, slamming her palm onto his desk. "You've got a lot of guts, backstabbing us like this."

Her friend tugs on her arm half-heartedly. "What's even the point of picking on a loser like him? He looks half-dead already, give him time and he'll go away himself. I don’t want to get in trouble with Teacher for him."

"Tsk. Teacher just said not to get caught doing it, not to stop. And we wouldn't have gotten lectured in the first place if someone here hadn't snitched on us."

“Are you sure he was the one who snitched? He’s never said anything before.”

“Stop scribbling nonsense in your notebook, Kim Dokja. I’m talking to you right now.”

“This crazy son of a bitch…”

“If his mother's the Underground Killer, does that make him the Above-ground Killer?"

He tries to focus on his notebook, but his handwriting is getting heavier and heavier.

"Your puns suck, you lame jerk."

“Shut up!”

"Kim Psycho, have you ever killed anyone? What is it like?"

His pencil lead snaps.

When you punch, follow through with your whole body so there's more force. His fist lands squarely on the person's nose, and the classroom devolves into chaos.

"The teacher's coming!" someone shouts amidst the ruckus.

Someone pulls him back by his arms, and his wild punches finally stop. Everything after that is a blur of questions and reprimands, none of which he listens to. They tell him it’s his fault for provoking them, his fault for not enduring, his fault for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

By the time he gets back in the evening, all the lights in the house are out and the house is empty. He goes to his room and pulls the covers on his bed over his head, blocking the light out. It's his 15th birthday today. Out of the 7 billion people on this planet, there isn’t a single person waiting for him to come home. 

One day melts into another, until they're all an indistinguishable gray sludge with the colour bled out of them. That one summer four years ago feels like a faraway dream belonging to someone else. He keeps visiting his mother in prison, but there's nothing he wants to say to her. She doesn’t ask about the bruises colouring his arms or the sickly pallor of his face, so he doesn’t explain. He doesn't recognize her anymore, and she probably doesn't recognize him either. Although he’s on the other side of the bars, he's really the one trapped in his own skin. 

They say if you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, it'll immediately jump back out. But if you put it in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, then it won't even realize until it's too late. He feels like that frog, waiting to be boiled alive. He can't jump out on his own, and no one is there to give him a helping hand. When he tries to call for help, it's like he's speaking underwater: his voice doesn't carry, and no one can understand him. 

He thinks he understands why they say drowning is one of the most painful ways to die.

The nightmares return. He can't sleep at night so he stays awake instead, staring up at the ceiling and counting the seconds until dawn. Sometimes he thinks he can hear the sound of the door opening in the darkness and his mother calling his name, but when he looks there's no one there. Everything feels numb. There's a pressure building in his head, a wall drowning out the noises of the outside world until no one can reach him anymore. He doesn't know what he's still waiting for.

People like us can never let things go, even when there’s no point holding onto them anymore.

He wakes up. It's a sunny day in July again. He's sitting by the open window in the classroom, and he can feel the warm summer breeze ruffling through his hair.

Someone taps him on the shoulder. The outline of the boy looks familiar, almost like someone he used to know.

"Hey, Kim Dokja," the boy says. "Did you know the administration will give us all passing marks on the exam if a student kills himself?"

His vision blurs in the heat. His hands are trembling, and it's getting hard to breathe.

"So why don't you do us all a favour and go throw yourself off the roof? It's the only thing you're good for anyway."

Except it's not the boy anymore, it's Joonghyuk staring back at him. Joonghyuk, with his nice-looking face and his wavy hair and his sharp black eyes, who said he liked him. Who left him behind and never came back for him, until now. 

"Go on then," says Joonghyuk, smiling. His eyes are very, very bright. "I'm waiting."

The bell rings. Joonghyuk disappears, and he's all alone again. It's the sign he was waiting for.

He stands up. No one spares him a second glance, too busy with their own lives to care about a stranger's insignificant despair. He rests his hands on the windowsill. The sun is bright outside, and the sky is an untainted shade of blue.

Kim Dokja has reached the end of the book.

He jumps.

"—ambulance—"

"—back to your classrooms! I SAID—"

"—don't move him—"

Chapter Text

Kim Namwoon landed in the pool with a splash. "What the fuck!" he yelled, spitting water out of his mouth. "Why the hell did you push me?"

"Language, Kim Namwoon," Jung Heewon said smugly. She strode back under the shade of the outdoor bar before he could splash her.

"Fuck you!”

It was currently Friday afternoon, and the six of them (minus Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Sangah, who had work and were arriving at night) were currently relaxing at a luxury resort on Jeju Island. Han Sooyoung had finally delivered on the weekend vacation she had promised them, though not without complaining about how much it cost her. After setting down their luggage and sorting out the rooming situation ("Joonghyuk-hyung, can I room with you?" "We're keeping the rooming arrangements as is." "Why?!" "Because I'm the director and I said so."), they decided as a group to spend their afternoon at the pool. The exploring would have to wait for later, since not everyone was here yet and the cameramen wanted to capture their 'most authentic' reactions to the island's myriad sights. Not that anything about this show was authentic.

Kim Namwoon had immediately changed into a bathing suit, probably to show off his fledgeling abs to Jang Hayoung, while Jung Heewon headed straight for the open bar and dragged a hesitant Lee Hyunsung with her. Kim Dokja was lounging on a lazy chair as far away from the water as possible. There was no way he was going to get naked (or half-naked) in front of the cameras, so he hadn't even bothered bringing swim trunks. Yoo Joonghyuk, on the other hand...wait, where was that guy anyway? Oh, there he was. If Kim Namwoon's abs were around sunfish-level, then Yoo Joonghyuk's abs were definitely great white shark-level. The female guests he passed on the footpath leading towards the pool weren't even disguising the fact that they were actively checking him out.

The wielder of the abs in question strode towards him and sat down on the chair to his right. Maybe it was because they spent a week together as roommates, but Yoo Joonghyuk seemed a lot more comfortable around him now. It was like he had opened up his heart—never mind, that train of thought was too embarrassing.

"Which book are you reading?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk. There was the faintest glimmer of interest in his eyes, which was equivalent to debilitating curiosity in Yoo Joonghyuk terms.

Kim Dokja checked the cover for the title. "<After reincarnating as the #1 streamer in the galaxy I was forced to marry the S-grade yandere marshal [A/B/O]> by [9158forever]," he replied.

"Why are you reading trash in public?"

"This is Han Sooyoung's."

"..."

Kim Dokja hid his smile behind his book. "Don't worry, I won't tell her you said that."

"I don't care if you tell her." 

"To be fair, she claims she's reading it ironically," said Kim Dokja, flipping through the pages until he found the next part where the protagonists weren’t having rough anal sex. "I have no idea how this translates to owning an autographed hard copy of the book, but she does work in mysterious ways."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked unimpressed. "And yet you're the one choosing to read it right now."

"There's artistic merit to every novel." He could forgive clichéd tropes, contrived melodrama and anatomically incorrect porn if he liked the characters and setting enough. "Anyway, what were you talking to Han Sooyoung about earlier?"

He had come across the two of them huddled in a corner of the lobby discussing something with serious expressions on their faces, and they had immediately gone quiet as soon as he appeared. Kim Dokja would be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued by the thought of these two unlikely accomplices plotting something together.

"Nothing," said Yoo Joonghyuk. His reply was a little too quick to be believable.

"You can tell me the truth, I'm good at keeping secrets," Kim Dokja assured him.

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Was it about the show?" He set his book down onto the table at the side and leaned back in his chair. "Is she trying to get you to film a Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes commercial? I know Sangah-ssi filmed one the other day."

"It's none of your business."

Ah, how nostalgic. He hadn't heard that classic tsundere line in a while. 

"Out of curiosity, how did Han Sooyoung even get you to agree to do this show?" he asked casually, shielding his eyes from the rays of the sun. "What sort of blackmail does she have on you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk frowned at him. "How did you know there was blackmail involved?"

"Because there's no way she could pay you enough money to sell your soul to her."

"She has pictures of me."

There was no way Kim Dokja could resist taking a crack at him. "Nudes? Dick pics? I didn't know Han Sooyoung was your ex-girlfriend."

"She's not my ex-girlfriend," Yoo Joonghyuk snapped.

"You have to admit it was a logical conclusion to draw from your statement." That was a lie; he was just messing with him. Han Sooyoung would never do anything explicitly illegal, and scumbags who threatened people with their intimate photos were precisely the sort of rascals she took delight in crushing. "What kind of pictures were they then?"

To his surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk actually answered his question instead of deflecting with some asshole-ish statement. "They were pictures of a private event I attended to repay a favour," he said, sounding like it physically pained him just to say the words out loud. "She was the photographer they hired."

"Huh. What event was it?"

"None of your—"

"Business," Kim Dokja finished for him, grinning. "You're losing your touch, Joonghyuk-ah."

Yoo Joonghyuk's bare chest rose as he took a deep breath in. "Kim Dokja."

"Yes?"

"Never mind," said Yoo Joonghyuk, exhaling. 

White clouds floated lazily through the endless stretch of blue sky above them, while the pool water shimmered like diamonds in the sunlight. Kim Namwoon was gesturing excitedly about something to Jang Hayoung as they floated around on pink pool straws in the water, while Jung Heewon had her arms around Lee Hyunsung's neck at the bar and was whispering in his ear, seemingly oblivious to the red flush creeping up his neck. Kim Dokja smiled at the sight. Although they still had their differences and episodes of petty drama, the eight of them, or nine if you counted Lee Jihye, had grown unexpectedly close over the past few weeks. It was like living with a dysfunctional big family who both loved and hated each other. All they needed were some kids.

He felt the skin on his neck prickle, and turned his head to the side to catch Yoo Joonghyuk watching him. This sort of thing was happening more and more frequently these past few days.

"Like what you see?" The words slid off his tongue before he could think twice about them. Thank god Han Sooyoung isn't here, she'd never let me live that down.

The corner of Yoo Joonghyuk's lips tilted upwards. It was a good look on him—his looks were wasted on his usual resting bitch face. "How did Han Sooyoung convince you to come to the show?"

The prolonged eye-contact was starting to make him feel uncomfortably warm, so Kim Dokja looked away and busied himself with unbuttoning his sleeves. "She promised that if this experience wasn't life-changing for me then she'd owe me 28 favours, one for each day spent here. The deal was too good to pass on."

Yoo Joonghyuk seemed begrudgingly impressed. "She didn't blackmail you into it?"

"Think of it as Mutually Assured Destruction; I have just as much dirt on her as she does on me, so blackmail wouldn't work. Did you know Han Sooyoung's chuunibyou phase came late? She was still horrifyingly edgy in university, and I have the video footage to prove it."

"I can imagine." Yoo Joonghyuk's abdominal muscles rippled as he uncrossed his legs and shifted into a more comfortable position. "She's too full of herse—where are you looking?"

Kim Dokja tore his eyes away from Yoo Joonghyuk's abs. "I was just admiring the scenery," he lied, face warm. "The beauty of...nature. Trees. This island."

"There aren't any trees around here."

"That's because your mind is a barren wasteland." Half the things he said didn't make any sense even to him, but it didn't matter as long as he could one-up Yoo Joonghyuk.

"And yours isn't?" Yoo Joonghyuk shot back, but there was no bite in his words.

"I'm a writer, I'd be out of a job if I didn't have some semblance of an imagination."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked thoughtful. Kim Dokja was a little surprised he was even capable of thought. "You said your pen name was Salvation."

Kim Dokja sat up a little straighter in his chair. "It is."

"Why did you choose that name?"

The words struck a chord with him. He could feel the phantom weight of a pen on his hands, see the faded blue of an old notebook against the white hospital sheets and black ink on cream-coloured paper. "It's a long story," he said instead. There were some things that were better left unread.

Come to think of it, it was July 10th today, wasn't it? What a coincidence that someone would ask about his past today, and on Jeju Island of all places.

"What type of books do you write?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk. He was clearly undeterred by how poorly his previous question had been received.

Kim Dokja didn't even know Yoo Joonghyuk was interested in small talk or learning more about him. It was almost endearing, how hard he was trying. "I would tell you, but they're probably above your reading level," he said, shaking his head sadly.

“Shut up and answer the question.”

"How can I shut up and answer the question at the same time?"

"Don't be difficult." 

There was a lazy warmth in Yoo Joonghyuk's voice, and he sounded like his guard was down. Was this how he normally acted around Lee Seolhwa? If so, then Kim Dokja could understand why she fell for him; there was something strangely magnetic about the idea of seeing Yoo Joonghyuk's more vulnerable side.

"I write a lot of different genres, but mostly science-fiction. Being a writer isn't as interesting as you'd think," he added as an afterthought, "it's a pretty lonely occupation. There's also a lot of rules and regulations imposed on you by the editors, and pressure from readers."

"Then why do you write?"

"What is this, baby's first police interrogation?" Kim Dokja asked in exasperation, leaning his head against the back of the chair and staring up at the sky. "Are you hungry, Yoo Joonghyuk? Want to go back inside?"

"Stop changing the subject," said Yoo Joonghyuk. His black hair was wavier than usual in this humidity, and he brushed it brusquely out of the way when it fell in front of his eyes.

Kim Dokja got up from his chair and picked up his book from the table. "I think I'm getting sunburned," he lied. He pushed open the glass door and headed back inside the resort. Yoo Joonghyuk caught up to him after a few seconds and they walked back to the room they shared together.

Or at least that was the end goal. All of these nicely decorated hallways looked the same, how the hell were they supposed to find which one their room was in? Kim Dokja hesitated for a moment at a fork in the path, before making up his mind and turning right. Going by the wall follower algorithm for solving mazes, there was no way he wouldn't eventually find their room if he took a right here...

Yoo Joonghyuk's voice cut through the silence. "You're going the wrong way, idiot." He wrapped his arm around Kim Dokja's waist and steered him in the opposite direction.

"Let go," Kim Dokja said stiffly, elbowing him in the ribs. Yoo Joonghyuk's arm burned like a brand around his middle. "I get your point."

"Stop complaining." Yoo Joonghyuk didn't let go of him; in fact, he held on tighter. 

He should have known this jerk never listened to orders. "Get your hand off me and get lost."

"No."

"Why are you wearing swimming trunks anyway?" Kim Dokja asked, trying to distract Yoo Joonghyuk so he could pry his fingers off him. "You didn't even go into the pool."

"It's—my decision to make."

"You were going to say 'none of your business' again, weren't you?" 

"Shut up."

Kim Dokja tried to twist Yoo Joonghyuk's nipple in retaliation, but the bastard slapped his hand away with a warning glare. "Kim Dokja."

"Yoo Joonghyuk. I told you to get your hands off—"

"What are you two doing?" someone asked innocently from behind them. Jang Hayoung was standing in the hallway, towelling her hair dry with a lavender towel.

Kim Dokja froze, fingers splayed over Yoo Joonghyuk's chest. His book slipped out from under his arm, and it slid across the smooth marble floor over to Jang Hayoung, who picked it up from the ground.

"Oh, is this <Yandere Marshal>?" she asked, turning the book over in her hands. "Interesting choice of literature, Dokja-ssi."

"Ah. Thank you."

Jang Hayoung's grin widened. "Dokja-ssi, did you know the author of this book is a YJH fan? Apparently she likes him so much that all the bottoms in her original works are based on him."

Kim Dokja cleared his throat awkwardly. "How fascinating. I had no idea." He snuck a look at Yoo Joonghyuk, who thankfully looked more confused than offended.

"Oh, and by the way." Jang Hayoung passed the book back to him. "Only a few people know this, but [9158forever] is actually the author's alt. Her main handle is [Judge of Fire]." Her eyes flickered curiously between their intertwined figures. "How long are you guys going to keep embracing each other like that?"

They hastily broke apart and stepped away from each other.

"See you guys at dinner," Jang Hayoung said airily, slinging her towel over her shoulder and walking past them. 

***

[Commercial Break]

VOICEOVER: ⸢Have you protected all that you wanted to protect?⸥

[The camera pans over what looks like the ruins of Seoul. There's a man standing alone in the middle of the empty streets, looking up at the sky.]

VOICEOVER: ⸢Dokkaebi Condoms. Protecting Love since 1863.⸥

[End Commercial Break]

[Constellation Observatory]

[Bihyung]: Welcome back to this week's episode of Star Stream Heart Signal. We actually have a very special guest joining us today as an additional Constellation. Everyone, say hello to Abyssal Black Flame Dragon, author of the hit webnovels <Black Cloud Rising>, <Immortal High Schooler: Chaotic Black Flames Emperor>, and <I Conquered the Demon Realm when I was 15>.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: That's me.

[Sun Wukong]: Nice titles.

[Yi Sunsin]: Welcome aboard, it's nice to meet you.

[Asmodeus]: Welcome.

[Uriel]: Are we seriously supposed to call you Abyssal Black Flame Dragon?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Duh.

[Sun Wukong]: Did you know you sound exactly like Kim Namwoon? It's uncanny.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Who the f*ck is Kim Namwoon?

[Bihyung]: He's an incarnation on the show.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Oh. Don't care.

[Uriel]: Why are you even on this show if you don't care about the incarnations and their quests to find love?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: The director said I could make fun of YJH on here so I came.

[Yi Sunsin]: That's a surprisingly valid reason.

[Asmodeus]: Hmm. I didn't know the director's reach extended to literary circles.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Yup, we're pals. I'm also sort of like her life coach.

[Uriel]: Really? You're like fifteen. Shouldn't she be the one coaching you?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'm not fifteen!

[Asmodeus]: How old are you then?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'm not telling you! Pass the popcorn.

[Sun Wukong]: Easy on the popcorn, I'm saving it for later.

[Bihyung]: As our viewers may already know, this week's episode is actually being broadcasted live as part of Star Stream 95th anniversary celebration. You can tweet your questions or comments under the hashtag #starstreamheartsignal, and we'll be choosing some lucky tweets to read out loud later. Now, let's take a look at what's happening at the resort!

***

By Han Sooyoung's imperial orders, all the men were wearing suits and all the women were wearing formal dresses for dinner that evening. Kim Dokja arrived at the dining hall with Yoo Joonghyuk in tow, though he made sure to sit as far away from him as possible. He didn't need a repeat of the incident earlier this afternoon in front of everyone.

Jang Hayoung looked up from her phone when he sat down a few seats away from her. He still couldn't quite meet her gaze. "You and Joonghyuk-ssi match.”

Kim Dokja felt compelled to defend his honour. "We don't," he replied. "He's wearing black, and I'm wearing white."

Jang Hayoung rolled her eyes at him. "Matching outfits don't necessarily mean matching colours, it's about how each piece of the ensemble is coordinated. See how he's wearing a black suit with a black shirt inside, while you're wearing a white suit with a black shirt inside? You match."

"Kim Namwoon's wearing a white suit too."

"That's not the point, his is different," Jang Hayoung said crossly. "Tch, men like you wouldn't understand. Also, the white suit black shirt thing makes you look like a rich douchebag."

That last comment was completely unnecessary. Kim Dokja wondered where Jang Hayoung's sudden sassiness was coming from. Or maybe this was her true personality all along, and she was revealing it now because she had nothing left to lose?

"What are you two talking about?" asked Yoo Sangah, sitting down next to him. Her black earrings swung in a graceful arc as she brushed her hair behind her ear.

"Nothing important, you—"

"Sangah-unnie," Jang Hayoung interrupted smoothly, "don't Dokja-ssi and Joonghyuk-ssi look like they're wearing matching outfits?"

“Really?” Yoo Sangah gave him a similar appraising look. "Ah, I see what you're talking about. They do look like they'd go well together."

"I know, right?"

Kim Dokja had the distinct impression that Yoo Joonghyuk was listening in on their conversation, even though he appeared to be busy scrolling through his phone. "There's no logical reason why would we coordinate our outfits," he said, raising his voice so he could hear. "It's just a coincidence. We don't even know each other."

"That’s exactly what makes it sketchy,” Jang Hayoung pointed out.

Luckily the rest of the group arrived before she could say something else, and they were soon distracted by the exchange of polite compliments and the promise of food. After sitting through a meal that paled in comparison to Yoo Joonghyuk's cooking, Han Sooyoung's lackeys brought up a heaping pile of Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes on a silver platter. Yet no matter how beautifully you presented it, horse shit was still horse shit. Everyone else seemed to think so as well, because the table was full of disappointed faces.

"We're going to be playing a game called the Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes Lightning Round!" Han Sooyoung announced, clapping her hands together. "Each of you will get the opportunity to ask someone at the table the question 'Original or Matcha', which are incidentally the two flavours of the cakes currently available on the market. If they choose 'Original' they have to answer a question you ask them, and if they choose 'Matcha' they have to complete a task you assign them. And you have to eat the cake you pick."

"Isn't this just Truth or Dare with a penalty?" asked Jung Heewon.

"No, it's the Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes Lightning Round. And don't call it a penalty, it's dessert," Han Sooyoung repeated stubbornly. She really put the 'shameless' in shameless product placement. "Anyway, the person who can tell me how many eggs there are in each cake can go first."

Kim Dokja exchanged a bewildered look with Lee Hyunsung. How the hell were they supposed to know something like that?

"One," Lee Seolhwa ventured.

"Correct! There's one whole, natural egg in each Dokkaebi Steamed Cake."

"And yet they still taste like shit."

Han Sooyoung ignored Jung Heewon's jab. "You can go first then, Seolhwa-ssi, and then we'll go clockwise around the table." She stepped back until she was standing behind the cameramen, and nodded at her.

Lee Seolhwa rested her chin on her hands and smiled up at Yoo Joonghyuk. "Original or Matcha, Joonghyuk-ssi?"

"Original."

"This is too fucking confusing," said Kim Namwoon.

"What's your ideal type?" she asked.

Both Kim Namwoon and Jang Hayoung leaned in curiously while pretending not to. 

"Someone with a good memory," said Yoo Joonghyuk. As if to punctuate his sentence, he sent Kim Dokja a dark glare.

Normally Kim Dokja would say he deserved it, but he was sure this one was completely unwarranted. Clearly someone had woken up on the wrong side of the bed today.

"Is that it?" Jang Hayoung asked, sounding baffled. "How good of a memory do you want anyway? Photographic? And don’t you mean ‘someone intelligent’? Is this a trick answer? What do you even mean?"

Yoo Joonghyuk seemed dead set on playing deaf, and he swirled the wine in his wine glass before taking a long sip.

"It's your turn now, Hayoung-ah," Lee Seolhwa reminded her.

"Right." Jang Hayoung sighed. She drummed her fingers on the table, furrowing her brows in thought. After a few moments, her eyes lit up in victory. "Heewon-unnie, Original or Matcha?"

Jung Heewon didn't even hesitate. "Dare."

"Go sit in Hyunsung-ssi's lap for the rest of the game."

Lee Hyunsung raised his arms defensively as Jung Heewon scooted her chair back and stood up. "Wait!" he said, cheeks red. "Isn't this too sudden?"

Jung Heewon raised her eyebrows at him. "You don't want to?" 

He scratched his head sheepishly as his blush darkened. "No, I mean...I don't mind. If you're also okay with it."

"I'm fine. Budge over." Jung Heewon sat down on Lee Hyunsung's leg amidst the cheers and applause from the rest of the group. There was a pleased grin on her face as she winked at Jang Hayoung, who gave her a discreet double thumbs-up back.

"Since Heewon-ssi moved over there, I guess I'll go next," Yoo Sangah said. She turned to Kim Dokja with a smile. "Original or Matcha, Dokja-ssi?"

Although he dreaded being asked something embarrassing in public, the prospect of having to sit on someone's lap (and it would probably be Yoo Joonghyuk's too, knowing his luck) or worse, taking off his shirt, was horrifying. Besides, he’d built up a decent tolerance to the Original flavoured cakes over the past two weeks.

"Original."

Jung Heewon laughed in his face. "Coward."

"I just have a developed sense of self-preservation," he said defensively.

"Ask him something good, Sangah-unnie," Jang Hayoung said, her eyes gleaming. "Like if he’s ever been in love with a man before.”

“Or what his fetish is.”

Kim Namwoon made a disgusted face. "No one wants to hear about shit like that."

"Speak for yourself," said Jung Heewon.

Kim Dokja wracked his brain for a response to the fetish question so he'd have something to say in case Yoo Sangah actually asked it. He didn't think he had any fetishes at all, but there was no way Jung Heewon would take that for an answer. Damn it, what was even a socially acceptable answer? Hair? Eyes? ...Hands? His eyes wandered over to where Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting, his long fingers curled around the stem of his wine glass. Yes, hands would probably do.

Thankfully, Yoo Sangah wasn't a closet sadist like Jang Hayoung, and she settled for a relatively innocuous question. "How many relationships have you been in?" 

"Sangah-ssi, your question isn't exciting enough," Jung Heewon complained. "At least ask him if he's still a virgin."

"That would just be a waste of a question," said Jang Hayoung. "He's twenty-eight and decent-looking, obviously he's not a virgin."

"Hmm."

Yoo Sangah was truly a bodhisattva compared to some of these people. Kim Dokja sighed inwardly in relief. 

"Aren't you going to answer?" Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly asked.

Of course this bastard would jump at the opportunity to embarrass him. "I'm still thinking about it."

Lee Seolhwa smiled sweetly at him. "Are you counting them in your head?"

"What? How many girlfriends did you even have?" Kim Namwoon demanded.

None, actually. He'd never even really had a crush on a girl before, though there were women in the past who he thought he wouldn't mind dating.

On the other hand, there had been a boy a long time ago. But did it really count if you were eleven and didn't know better? It wasn't really a relationship either, merely an infatuation and a confession that never went anywhere. Still, saying zero was sort of pathetic. 

"Zero...point five?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's fork scraped against his plate, earning him a curious look from Lee Seolhwa.

"Where'd the point five come from?" asked Jung Heewon. "Did you have a lot of one night stands or something? Or is it because you're friends with benefits with Han Sooyoung?"

Kim Dokja choked on his drink and almost spat it out. "Sorry, I meant zero," he quickly amended.

From where she was standing in the back of the room, Han Sooyoung gave him the middle finger.

As he had predicted, the answer did not go over well with the others; even Yoo Sangah looked like she didn't believe him. It was kind of flattering how much faith they had in him, but mostly just embarrassing.

"So you've never been in a relationship before?" asked Jang Hayoung, skeptical. “Not even like a crush or something?”

"Not really."

"Someone ask him if he's a virgin next round," said Jung Heewon.

"It's my turn next," he informed her.

“Is that a yes?" Jang Hayoung asked abruptly.

"What?"

"So it's a no?"

"No, I—"

"Damn, Kim Dokja." Kim Namwoon whistled, leaning back in his chair until the front legs lifted off the ground. "Two more years and you would've become a wizard."

Lee Hyunsung looked extremely confused by the sudden foray into the magical realm. "Why would he become a wizard?"

"It's 'cause when you're 30 and still a virgin you—"

"It's my turn to pick someone now," Kim Dokja said loudly. He normally would have asked Yoo Sangah something, but he desperately needed someone to divert everyone's attention away from him. "Yoo Joonghyuk. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

As expected, Jang Hayoung took the bait. "Ask him about his first kiss, or what his top three turn-ons are!" she said excitedly, completely forgetting about how she was still interrogating Kim Dokja.

"Or which guy here he'd bang if he were a woman," Jung Heewon added, resting her elbows on the table.

Lee Hyunsung looked mortified by her suggestion, while Kim Namwoon looked...competitive? Eager? He was truly a diehard YJH fan. Kim Dokja could respect that.

Unfortunately for Kim Namwoon, there was no way he would put himself in a situation where he might be one of the answers. He also couldn't ask anything too off the wall, since they were definitely going to air Yoo Joonghyuk's part and he didn't want to get flamed on Twitter by offended fans. Lee Seolhwa had already asked him what his ideal type is, so he needed to come up with another inoffensive question. The first kiss one was a good starting point, but it gave off weirdly sexual vibes that he didn't want to be associated with. So Kim Dokja compromised.

"What was your first love like?" he asked before he could change his mind.

There was no way someone like Yoo Joonghyuk didn't have an ex-girlfriend, so he was bound to get some kind of juicy answer out of it. Even Han Sooyoung looked satisfied with his choice. In fact, she was leering at him. ...Wait, what?

Jung Heewon, on the other hand, wasn't impressed. "Boring," she said. "You people have no imagination."

"I think it's a good question," Lee Hyunsung spoke up. "First loves are pretty special experiences, aren't they?"

"You mean how some men have first love complexes? Aren't those just excuses for them to have affairs?"

"Uh…"

"You're too pessimistic, Heewon-unnie," said Jang Hayoung. "Did you have a bad first love experience or something?"

Jung Heewon scowled. "Yep, the motherfucker still owes me 15000 won."

"Oh my."

"So who's your first love, Joonghyuk-hyung?" Kim Namwoon asked eagerly. "Is it Seolhwa-noona?"

"Nah, I doubt it. He'd have to try a lot harder to get on Kim Dokja's level."

"Thanks, but that really isn't a compliment," said Kim Dokja.

There was a faraway look in Yoo Joonghyuk's deep eyes, which looked golden in the flickering candlelight. "I was eleven," he finally said. 

Everyone waited for him to go on, but he took a sip of wine instead.

“That’s it?" Jung Heewon clicked her tongue in dismay. "Are you not going to tell us what she was like?"

Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes at her over the rim of his glass.

"Are you still in contact with her?" asked Jang Hayoung. She was surprisingly invested in the whole gossip business. "Does she know you're famous now? Were you two childhood friends?"

"It was a boy," said Yoo Joonghyuk, setting down his wine glass.

Jang Hayoung dropped her fork with a clatter. Jung Heewon almost fell out of Lee Hyunsung's lap. Yoo Sangah froze with her spoon halfway to her mouth, while Lee Seolhwa had a knowing look on her face. There was a moment of awkward silence as everyone tried to process that bit of information. Then Kim Namwoon started choking on his cake, and Lee Hyunsung had to pound his back so he wouldn't pass out from asphyxiation.

"Okay, CUT!" yelled Han Sooyoung, stepping out from behind all the cameras. "Cut! Stop filming! For the love of God, Yoo Joonghyuk, don't run your fucking mouth in front of the cameras," she said angrily. "We're going to have to do a retake of this part, so come up with a different question to ask him this time, Kim Dokja. Kim Dokja? Hey, I'm talking to you. Kim Dokja!"

***

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: What kind of stupid question is ‘which physical feature you get complimented on the most'? I would have asked YJH something way cooler. This Kim Dokja guy is whack.

[Yi Sunsin]: I thought that question was alright.

[Sun Wukong]: You’re too tame.

[Yi Sunsin]: Oh.

[Uriel]: Agreed, there was so much wasted potential there! They should have asked him which guy he would sleep with if he had to pick one!

[Asmodeus]: Stop projecting, it’s unseemly.

[Bihyung]: Uh, so what did you guys think of everyone's interactions just now?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I think this Kim Namwoon guy's got a lot of potential, I dunno why you guys keep saying none of the girls want to date him. He's clearly the best guy there.

[Uriel]: See? I knew he'd take a liking to him. Called it.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Who, me?

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah. You're pretty predictable.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'm not predictable! I'm the embodiment of chaos—

[Bihyung]: What did you guys think of their interactions so far? There's a lot of information to unpack in that Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes Lightning Round.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Hey. Don't interrupt me next time.

[Bihyung]: Sorry.

[Uriel]: I can't believe they cut out my Kim Dokja's part! I wanted to see what he would have answered.

[Asmodeus]: 'Your' Kim Dokja? 

[Uriel]: Yes?

[Asmodeus]: Isn't it unprofessional to be showing such an obvious bias towards one specific incarnation?

[Yi Sunsin]: I don't see how that's a relevant issue, Asmodeus.

[Asmodeus]: Then you haven't been looking at the bigger picture.

[Bihyung]: This isn't a competition—

[Uriel]: Yes, I am biased towards him. You motherf*cker got a problem with that?

[Sun Wukong]: Nice.

[Asmodeus]: No. I should have known not to expect much from someone as pathetic as you.

[Uriel]: Listen up, Asmodeus. I've put up with your bullsh*t for a long time, you son of a b*tch. One more word out of your mouth and I’ll @$*#%& your @$*@$*#%&$&#&#*@^@)$@@$***#%&@#*@#%@@#%&@#*@##%#$@$*#%&@#*@%@@@$*#%&@#*@##%#$@$*#%&@&@#*@#%@@#%&@#*@#$$*@^#*@%.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Wow.

[Bihyung]: Please, you two! Sit down! HEY! Guys! Cut to commercial, cut to commer —

[Commercial Break]

["Tell me, you fool. Will I ever get to meet you again?"]

VOICEOVER: ⸢Midday Tryst. Stay Connected.⸥

["Let's meet again, Yu Jung-Hyeok."]

[End Commercial Break]

[Bihyung]: Welcome back, and thank you for your patience. As some of you viewers may have noticed, one of our Constellations is missing from the table... It is with deep regret that I have to announce Asmodeus-nim has left us.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: You're saying it like he died.

[Sun Wukong]: He suffered a fate worse than death.

[Uriel]: Hmph.

[Bihyung]: The scenario must continue with or without him. We're a little behind schedule, so why don't we check in with the incarnations and see how they're doing? It's nearly time for them to send out their Heart Signals tonight, and this round won't be as simple as the previous rounds.

[Yi Sunsin]: How so?

[Bihyung]: Instead of only being able to text a member of the opposite sex, our incarnations have the opportunity to send a message to any incarnation on the show, male or female, for the entire duration of this trip.

[Yi Sunsin]: Ah...

[Sun Wukong]: Huh.

[Uriel]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Why is she screaming?

[Bihyung]: Will new friendships and relationships blossom from this unexpected switch up? Let's find out.

Chapter Text

After the disaster that was the Truth or Dare segment, they were allowed to freely roam around the lounge they were in. Jang Hayoung chose to retreat back to her room instead of hanging around the other couples, while Kim Namwoon had no such self-awareness and was happily third-wheeling Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa. Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung were sitting side by side on a couch in the corner and chatting in low voices; Lee Hyunsung had turned a permanent shade of pink either from the wine or his proximity to Jung Heewon.

"What are you looking at, Dokja-ssi?" asked Yoo Sangah, looking up at him with a curious smile.

The two of them were standing on the balcony together after she said she wanted to get some fresh air. "I just find it interesting how Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung are finally moving forward in their relationship."

"It was a long time coming, for sure. I'm happy for them as well."

One of the cameramen filming them took a step forward to get a better shot of Yoo Sangah, and Kim Dokja discreetly took a step back so he wouldn't be in the shot. The silence between them wasn't awkward per se, but he did have the feeling that he should be saying something to fill it. 

"Your dress looks lovely," he finally said. Didn't he already tell her that at dinner? Oh no.

"Thank you, I'm glad you like it." Yoo Sangah leaned back against the railing and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear casually. "Did you know Joonghyuk-ssi keeps looking over here?"

"What?" Kim Dokja whipped his head around to look through the balcony doors at the trio inside the lounge. But Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't staring at him; he was watching Lee Seolhwa laugh at whatever Kim Namwoon had said with a peaceful expression on his face.

When he turned back to Yoo Sangah, she was smiling. "You always react so strongly to things involving Joonghyuk-ssi."

Kim Dokja tried not to notice the cameras burning holes into the side of his face. "It's probably because we don't really get along," he reasoned.

"Really? To be honest, I always thought you two knew each other from before the show," Yoo Sangah said thoughtfully. "Hayoung-ssi and I were talking about it this afternoon too."

"Is that so."

"Hayoung-ssi had some interesting observations to share," she continued. "I don't completely agree with her perspective, but, well, we'll see. Speaking of observations, Joonghyuk-ssi's reveal tonight was quite intriguing, wasn't it? I thought it was very brave of him."

Kim Dokja glanced at the cameras again. "I agree."

"Have you ever felt that way about someone before, Dokja-ssi?"

"I...well."

It was a stilted reply that didn't make any sense, and Yoo Sangah immediately picked up on his aversion to the cameras filming them. "I’m sorry, that wasn’t a fair question to ask you,” she said apologetically. 

“It’s fine.” He was grateful she didn’t press the subject. There was no way he could explain himself, and he didn't really want to think about it either.

They lapsed into silence once more. Under any other circumstance, he could say with confidence that they would have become good friends. Although they didn't have similar interests, there was a sincerity to everything that Yoo Sangah said and did that made her easy to talk to. But when the interactions between them were placed in the context of a future romantic relationship, they felt stifled and unnatural. He almost wished they could start over as friends, and friends alone.

Yoo Sangah's voice cut through the silence. "We don't have to text each other every night," she said. "I don't want you to feel like you have an obligation to me, and I don't want to feel obliged as well. You can always text Joonghyuk-ssi if you have something to say to him, or anyone else."

"Why would I have something to say to him?" he asked despite knowing the answer.

"It's just a feeling I have," said Yoo Sangah, resting her head on her arms. "You know, my parents want me to marry a man they chose for me. They kept bringing it up the last time I went home for the holidays."

"They do?"

"Yes, but I refused. It's partially why I decided to sign up for the show—I want to walk my own path, even if it ends in failure or if others judge me for it." She tilted her head up to smile at him. The gemstones on her earrings glittered in the gentle moonlight. "I don't want to make a choice that I'll regret, and I don't want you to regret your choice either. So take your time, Dokja-ssi. I don't mind."

"...Alright."

Kim Dokja could faintly hear the waves crashing on the distant shore, a requiem for an ancient dream. He noticed her hand was resting on the railing between them, just within reach. He knew he should probably take it and reassure her about how much he liked her, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It wouldn't be fair to her.

"We're filming the texting segment soon, so spread yourselves out in the resort," Han Sooyoung declared after gathering everyone inside. She was using a rolled-up copy of the script as a megaphone, but it was mostly for show rather than actual sound amplification purposes. "It's okay if you're in the same room as someone else, but make sure you're not within hearing distance of each other. And keep in mind the rule changes we have for tonight and tomorrow night."

Kim Namwoon looked up with a strip of beef jerky in his mouth that Lee Seolhwa had fed him. "What rule changes?"

"The thing where you can text both guys and girls tonight. I swear I've told you this five times already."

"No you haven't," he argued.

Han Sooyoung smacked him over the head with her script. "Yes I have. And shush. That being said, it doesn't matter where you are when you send and receive your texts tonight. We'll reconvene in the morning after breakfast to talk about the plan tomorrow."

Jung Heewon groaned and stretched her arms above her head lazily. "How early do we have to get up?"

"We're meeting at 9 am sharp," Han Sooyoung said curtly.

"Ugh, just kill me already."

"You think I haven't tried?"

Kim Dokja took this as his cue to leave before the bickering started up again. He bade Yoo Sangah and the others goodbye and made his way through the maze of corridors to where his room was located. The path was ingrained in his mind, and he doubted he'll be able to forget it for weeks. He noticed after a while that there was an extra set of footsteps other than him and his cameraman. Looking past his shoulder, he realized that Yoo Joonghyuk was following him, and there were two cameramen and a staff member trailing after him. The preferential treatment was painfully obvious.

Yoo Joonghyuk was the last person he wanted to see right now, so Kim Dokja sped up to try to shake his tail. Yoo Joonghyuk sped up as well. Soon they were both power-walking down the hallway towards their destination as vacation goers and hotel staff openly gawked at the sight.

"You go in first," he said to his cameraman as he swiped his key and unlocked the door in one fluid movement. Kim Dokja slipped in after him and tried to shut the door in Yoo Joonghyuk's face, but a strong force stopped him from doing so.

"Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk said threateningly from the other side of the half-open door. The implication of 'open up before I kill you' was clear.

Kim Dokja leaned his weight against the door and pushed as hard as he could, but he couldn't get it to budge at all. "Go film somewhere else," he said, trying to keep his voice steady despite his exertion. "Han Sooyoung said we should spread out."

"This is my room as well."

"I got here first."

"Why don't you just let him in?" his cameraman asked, sounding confused. "It's not that big of a deal. We can film your part on the balcony or something."

"I don't want to see his face right now." There was a loud thump on the other side of the door next to his head in response, like someone punched it. "How childish of you, Yoo Joonghyuk," he said loudly. "Are you trying to destroy public property? You're a 28-year-old man, why don't you act your age for once? Now get lost."

There was a beat of silence, then the opposing force disappeared and the hotel room door slammed shut with a bang. After recovering from his surprise, Kim Dokja quickly turned the lock in the door and glanced through the peephole to check if Yoo Joonghyuk was really gone. He was; what a relief. When he turned around, he found himself staring into the concerned eyes of the cameraman. "He's definitely going to get you back for that."

"I'll deal with him later," said Kim Dokja. Or rather, he won't. Inaction was also a course of action.

Acutely aware of the camera trained on his face, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and opened up the anonymous messaging service they were using. Yoo Sangah’s words echoed through his mind, and he shook his head to clear his thoughts away. It's hard to wake yourself up from a dream, especially one that had been going on for over a decade. 

Kim Dokja ended up sending the text [ There’s a chance of rain tomorrow. ] to her, along with a slightly blurry picture of the night sky outside his window. Setting his phone down with a sigh, he moved into a more comfortable position on his bed and settled down to wait for a text or the lack of one. The cameraman in the corner of the room looked about as bored as he felt. Their peaceful reverie was soon interrupted by the sound of someone knocking insistently on the door, which Kim Dokja tried his best to ignore.

"Are you not going to answer it?" the cameraman asked cautiously.

"Of course not. I don't want to get punched in the face."

"Open up, idiot!" Han Sooyoung's muffled voice shouted as her knocks turned into loud bangs. "Why the hell did you lock this?"

Kim Dokja hastily slid off the bed and opened the door. Han Sooyoung barged in and strode past him without even looking at him. "We need extra video support over with the girls," she said to the cameraman. "Follow me."

"But this guy hasn't received his texts yet."

"Because I told the girls not to send them yet. Hurry up and come with me." At her words, the cameraman dutifully packed up his stuff and trailed after her.

Kim Dokja knew that he wasn't exactly a top priority on the show, but he and Yoo Sangah were one of the few steady couples, and he thought that meant Han Sooyoung would at least be partially inclined to give them screentime. "Are you not going to film my reactions today?"

Han Sooyoung paused with her hand on the doorknob. He couldn't see her face where he was sitting, but he thought her voice sounded a bit tight, like it always did when she was hiding something from him. "I thought you said you didn't like getting filmed."

That’s true. "I don't, but I thought it was necessary for the sake of keeping the narrative cohesive."

"Wow, you're so responsible," Han Sooyoung said dryly. She ushered the cameraman out the door with a sweep of her hand. "Too bad you can't seem to act this maturely around Yoo Joonghyuk; I guess love does make fools of us all."

"You mean hatred."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Han Sooyoung replied, flicking her hair out of her eyes. "Either way, it's not like the camera monitors in the rooms aren't working. We'll have plenty of footage for your five-second cameo in the final cut."

"Good thing I'm not in this for the fame then, if five-second cameos are what my appearances have been reduced to."

"Don't worry, I have to keep enough scenes of you in the episode to keep our Constellations happy, so it's more like a five-minute cameo. Good night, fool," she said, slamming the door shut before he could reply to ensure she got the last word.

Han Sooyoung could rail on him for being immature all she wanted to, but it didn't change the fact that she was just as immature as he was. Kim Dokja set his phone down on the nightstand and laid his head down on his pillow. He tucked his hand under it out of habit, and was surprised to feel the smooth edge of something hard under it instead of the smooth mattress. Lifting his pillow out of the way, he found himself staring at what looked like an old postcard from Jeju Island. On the front of it was a photo of a white beach with a mountaintop rising out of the sea in the background, a lush green shadow watching over the line where the sea kissed the sky. The colours in the photograph had faded over time into muted hues, and the corners of the postcard were worn and rough to the touch. 

Kim Dokja flipped the postcard over. The handwriting on the other side of it was clearly that of a child's, but there was a bold sharpness to the edges of the characters that seemed familiar.

[ To Kim Dokja,

You never told me your apartment number so don't complain when I give this to you in person. I arrived on Jeju Island yesterday. My parents left me at the hotel and I'm wandering around by myself right now. I bought souvenirs for you.

I wish you were here.

Yours,

Yoo Joonghyuk ]

On the nightstand, his phone buzzed with a message from an unknown number.

***

"Is your vision still blurry?"

"No."

"Do you hear any ringing in your ears today?"

"No."

"That's good, you're doing a lot better already. Does your head hurt as much as it did yesterday?"

"No." Everything feels numb.

"Feel free to get some rest now, the doctor will be checking up on you later. Let me know if your headache gets worse or if you start feeling nauseous again, alright?"

"Yes."

The nurse disappears behind the curtains separating his bed from the one beside his, and he can hear her speaking sternly to the next patient. "Yoo Junhyun, didn't I tell you not to pick at your bandages? Honestly..."

He closes his eyes. He can feel himself fading away to the sound of her muffled voice, sinking deeper into the fog within him. 

The sound of a vehicle hurtling over metal tracks jars him out of his reverie, and he opens his eyes to find himself on a station platform in the middle of nowhere. A subway train slows to a screeching stop in front of him, and its doors slide open. There's a galaxy inside the doors, a sea of small white stars amidst a solid backdrop of darkness. They're beckoning towards him.

"—Dokja—"

He wonders if he should get on. 

"Kim Dokja!"

Someone grabs onto his hand and pulls him back until they're both standing safely behind the yellow line on the ground. After recovering from his shock, he turns around. There's a boy standing beside him, his face shrouded in blurry static like someone had scratched his picture out of a photo album. He can barely make out the soft waves of his black hair and his dark, gem-like eyes. 

The subway doors close with a smooth hiss as it pulls out of the station, speeding into the tunnel ahead until it's completely swallowed by the darkness. 

"Where am I?"

There's no reply. All he can hear is the sound of his own light breaths. The fluorescent lights above them flicker like a shadow is passing over them. The boy's hand is warm, but he still feels cold.

"I don't want to be here anymore," he says to himself. The words are barely more than a whisper.

Everything is gray here, and meaningless. The station is an in-between; it's not a destination but a middle ground, a half-way point between this end and that end.

The boy finally speaks. "Where do you want to go then?"

"I don't know."

"You do."

He remembers being younger and smaller, when the days were longer and the summer skies were brighter. How many years has it been since then? Four? A lifetime?

"Jeju Island," he says, voice trembling. "I want to go to Jeju Island."

"Then go.”

"I can't, I'm stuck here. No one can help me anymore. Everyone already left. You left."

"So that's it, then? Are you going to give up just because you're the only one left?"

"..."

"Is this the conclusion you wanted to see?"

He looks up at the muted yellow of the ceiling lights, watches the dust particles floating through the air like the remnants of tattered dreams. There's a lump in his throat when he swallows.

"If you're not satisfied with this one, then write your own happy ending."

"Write...my own?"

"All of this is yours," the boy tells him. "Seoul, Jeju Island...if you don't like where you are now, then keep writing. As long as you keep writing, your story will never end, and you’ll be able to go to all the places you want to go."

"How do you know that?" he asks, tightening his grip on his hand. "How can I believe you?"

"Because," the boy says, "I promised."

If someone believes in something hard enough, it becomes their Truth. They don't have to understand it, just accept it. 

The gray station slowly melts away, until they're standing under the starry sky together. There are millions of constellations in the night sky above them, watching over them with bright eyes.

When the boy wraps his arms around him, his touch feels like feathers. "Let's meet again, Kim Dokja."

Kim Dokja opens his eyes. 

The hospital ceiling is still white, but when he turns his head to the side, he can see that the sky outside the window of the room is blue. There's a thorn in his heart and it will always be there, but it's no longer a pain that he can't bear. It really is a beautiful summer day today. 

"Can I borrow a pen and paper?" he asks the next time the nurse comes back.

The sheets of the notepad crinkle under his fingers as he sets it down on his lap. Holding the pen gingerly in his bandaged hand, he sets the tip of down on the paper. He watches in fascination as the ink starts to bleed onto the page, staining it with its own vivid colour. 

It's harder than he expected to uncover the painful memories he spent four years burying. If he squeezes his eyes closed, he can just barely recall the weight of that person's name resting on the tip of his tongue, and the faint echo of it in his ears. He wants to write everything down so he'll never forget again.

[ I met Junhyun when I was eleven. ]

He writes, and writes, and writes. It doesn't matter if his memory is full of holes where happy memories used to be. His imagination makes up for the parts that he can't remember, and he weaves them all into his story as truths.

[ The trees are awash in the golden light of the sun, like someone dipped them leaves-first into sugary syrup.]

There's a part of him that could still love, and be loved in return.

[ There's a small boy around my age sitting in my usual spot with his back to the play structure when I get there. ]

[ I didn't know how to properly describe it at that time, but he looked like a novel protagonist, a hero, to me. ]

Each stroke of his pen is like a slash of the knife, carving the rotten parts out of him so his old wounds can finally start to heal. As he seals his emotions in ink, the part of him still existing in his body lessens along with the pain. The emptiness in his chest becomes a little bit more bearable, and the nights just a little shorter. 

[ "Then we'll stay here together," says Junhyun. ]

[ He says it with an air of finality like he's deciding for the both of us. I let him. ]

Circles become squares, and fiction becomes reality. The stories consume him, and keep him alive.

[ "My father called," Junhyun replies. There's a liveliness to his voice that wasn't there before. "The three of us are going to Jeju Island together this summer. It's the first time we've ever gone on vacation as a family. Not that I really care." ]

[ "I asked if you could come on the trip with us, and they said yes. Do you want to come with me?" ]

Some days he's so angry that it hurts to breathe, and other days the leaden weight of his sheer unhappiness cripples him. His aunt and uncle eventually abandon him, while Song Minwoo torments him at school everyday. And yet he continues surviving, one day at a time, even as he chokes on the bitter taste of despair in the air around him. And he keeps writing. Everything will be alright as long as he has Junhyun, who listens to everything he has to say and tells him exactly what he needs to hear. Underneath his pen, Junhyun the person becomes Junhyun the character, who belongs to him and will never leave him. Can’t. 

It's a twisted, selfish kind of love, one that only he knows of.

[ "Yes. Always." ]

In the blank spaces between the black lines on the page and the breaths between pauses, Junhyun and the protagonist go on many adventures together. They go to Dongho Bridge, Seoul Tower, the banks of Han River, Jirisan, Seoraksan, and finally, to Jeju Island.

[ The sun is bright outside, and the sky is an untainted shade of blue. We're standing by the azure sea, a sight I have only read about in books before. The blue waves lap at my bare feet, and the sea breeze is cool against my face. I bend down and trail my fingers over the surface of the water, marvelling at the ripples that extend out from my hand. There are sparks of green and blue dotting the white sand, shards of sea glass reflecting the rays of the sun. They're not gemstones, but they don't have to be. ]

[ "It's not your fault for being born," says Junhyun. "It's never your fault." ]

Kim Dokja's pen stills. "It's not my fault," he repeats.

A tear falls onto the page, then another. 

This is his salvation.

Chapter Text

She met him at university.

"I'm Kim Dokja, a returning student," he said when it was his turn to introduce himself. "Dokja, like 'only child'."

Everyone applauded politely, and he sat back down in his chair after downing his shot of soju. She remembered he had a rather plain-looking face, and his white button-down shirt looked worn from repeated washing. He sat at the edge of the table by himself and only talked when spoken to directly, which didn't happen often. It was like he was not all there.

Han Sooyoung could usually tell what type of person someone was just by looking at them. That freshman girl over there? She had a fragile ego, was poorer than she looked, and was clearly overcompensating for her inferiority complex. That guy downing shots like there's no tomorrow? An arrogant bastard with a loose wallet who'd probably escape to military service before the year's even over. Kim Dokja was an easy one to read too: a passive idiot people took advantage of who was probably bullied in high school, a story she's seen a billion times already. In other words: he's boring.

They didn't meet again until the second term when they ended up in the same elective class that was more difficult than she expected.

"Sorry, Sooyoung-ah," her friend said, clapping her hands together in apology. "I know I promised to do the group project with you, but I totally forgot about that when he asked me—sorry again! I'll treat you to dinner!"

Han Sooyoung barely suppressed her sigh. "Nah, it's fine, I get it. Go get your future boyfriend."

"I love you, Sooyoung-ah!"

God damn it. All the reliable project partners were taken by now, and the few people she knew who were still looking for a partner were all flaky dumbasses. She had no desire to drag around dead weight in a project worth 30% of her grade. Was there seriously not a single person she could rely on in this class? Suddenly, Han Sooyoung's gaze landed on someone packing up their bag in the corner of the room. What was this guy's name again? Kim Dokja, right. He was always diligently taking notes in class as far as she remembered. The good work ethic had to count for something.

Making up her mind, she strode over to him and sat down in the chair next to him. She fixed her face into what she felt was an approachable smile and asked, "Kim Dokja-ssi, was it? Do you still remember me? We met at the inter-faculty event last term."

He stared at her blankly. "Yes, I think I remember. You're Han Siyeon-ssi?"

"It's actually Han Sooyoung," she replied, eye twitching from annoyance. She quickly smoothed her expression over before he noticed. "Do you have a partner for the group project yet? If not, do you want to pair up?"

"Sure."

That was easier than expected. "Want to meet up this weekend to work on the presentation?" she pressed on before she lost momentum. "Also, let's exchange numbers so we can contact each other."

Kim Dokja obediently handed her his phone, and she quickly punched in her contact information and saved herself as a contact.

The two of them started meeting up on weekends to work on the project together, and they grew closer as a side effect of the sheer amount of time they were spending with each other each week. Han Sooyoung gradually became aware of a simple fact: Kim Dokja was dull.

Not in the sense that he's an idiot (though he was arguably one), but that it was like all the rough edges to his personality had been worn away a long time ago. He never raised his voice, never complained about anything, and his smiles never quite reached his eyes. Talking to him was like talking to a robot: his responses were always bland and predictable. There was none of that fiery passion in him that others his age had; the fire inside him had already burnt out, leaving only ashes behind. She wasn't even sure he actually liked her, or if he was only hanging out with her because she was always around.

Either way, getting Kim Dokja to open up became a personal challenge of sorts. It was hard because he didn't like to talk about himself, but that only made the game more exciting. 

"What hobbies do you have?" Han Sooyoung asked him one day. They weren't working on the project today, just grabbing lunch as normal friends would.

Kim Dokja noticeably hesitated before answering. "I write sometimes."

"What do you write?" 

"Just stories in general." 

Han Sooyoung took a loud sip from her bubble tea. "Is that what you're always doing on your laptop in class?"

"Why would I write my novel in class?" Kim Dokja looked mildly horrified by the idea. He had ordered a plain milk tea without pearls. Seriously, what was even the point of drinking bubble tea if there weren't any bubbles? "The people sitting behind you can see your screen."

"So you're writing that kind of novel?" she asked, leering. "Kinky. You should post it online and make money off it."

Kim Dokja sighed. "I'm not writing erotica. It's a science fiction novel, actually."

"You should still post it on Star Stream Books," she insisted. "Aren't you always complaining about how broke you are? This way you can make some money on the side."

"I don't complain about how broke I am, I accept it. If you're so eager about posting a webnovel, why don't you write one yourself?"

Han Sooyoung had stopped writing after a particularly traumatizing incident involving her first novel and her father in middle school. Besides, she had bigger aspirations now. "Sure, writing's fun, but it's not as powerful as it used to be. Do you know who holds the real power in today's world? The media. Television has a greater reach than any book has."

"So you're trying to take over the world with your degree in media studies?"

She laughed. "Something like that. How many words of your novel have you written so far?"

"Hm. Around 3 million?"

Han Sooyoung almost choked on a tapioca pearl. "3 million characters? How on earth do you have the time to write that much?"

"This is just the current story I'm working on," he continued absently. "I couldn't write while I was completing my military service, and I think my writing speed has gone down."

"Humble-bragging doesn't suit you," Han Sooyoung told him. "Anyway, you should really post your novel online, typewriter-nim. The key factor to a webnovel's success is consistent updates, and you've clearly already mastered that skill. I'm sure you'll make it big."

"I'm not sure if I want to post my writing online for everyone to see though."

Han Sooyoung scoffed. "Doesn't everyone want to be seen? What's the point of writing if you're not going to show it to people?"

"Some people write for themselves," Kim Dokja pointed out calmly.

"Then write something you do want to show people," she shot back. "Start a new story and incorporate all the popular tropes that are too trashy for whatever piece of art you're creating right now."

Kim Dokja paused for a few seconds like he was thinking about it. "Sure, why not," he finally said. "If I do write that story, would you read it over for me?"

Han Sooyoung was surprised he had even asked her. "You really want me to look over your first webnovel?" she asked, pointing to herself in bewilderment. 

"Of course. You're my friend, and I trust you." There was a light in his eyes as he said the words that she's never seen before.

She took it back: Kim Dokja wasn't boring, he's one of the most interesting people she's ever met.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing," Han Sooyoung drawled, lacing her fingers together and resting the back of her head against her palms. "But sure, hit me up once you're done writing the first few chapters. I'll be your first but hopefully not only reader, author-nim."

Kim Dokja smiled. It was the most sincere smile she had ever seen from him.

And thus began the great story of their collaboration. 

"This Yuri girl is based on me, isn't she," said Han Sooyoung, tapping her finger against the laptop screen. "Sneaky bastard. Should I be suing you for violating my portrait rights?"

Kim Dokja had finished writing a draft of the first twenty chapters a lot more quickly than she expected, and they were sitting together in the library going over it right now. This wasn't how Han Sooyoung had expected her weekends to go, but she was fine with it.

"Why would you think so?"

"Because we literally had the same conversation last week."

"Yes, I did take inspiration from our conversations," he finally admitted. "If that makes you uncomfortable, I can change her personality so it's less similar?"

"It's fine, I don't really care as long as you make her look good. Oh, and isn't this guy here Professor Yang?"

"...Maybe?"

"And this girl is obviously Jangmi—she even rolls her eyes a lot, typical—which makes her boyfriend Taesuk and her best friend Yebin. Wow, this is almost too easy."

"It's not that obvious, is it?" Kim Dokja asked, frowning.

"Nah, I'm just good at reading people. It isn't obvious at all if you don't know what you're looking for, and I doubt Jangmi would be able to recognize herself if she read this. Anyway, who's this Schweichen guy based on?"

He avoided her eyes while replying. "Who says he's based on anyone?"

"Don't play dumb, Kim Dokja," she said. "Is he someone you met during military service? I can't think of who he's supposed to be."

Kim Dokja's eyes softened a little. "He's an old friend."

Han Sooyoung studied his face carefully. "A crush?"

"Of course not," he said briskly. "He's just a friend."

Yeah right. "That aside, the book looks pretty good," said Han Sooyoung. She scrolled through the pages of the document aimlessly as she gave her opinion as a beta. "The genre is a good choice, it's pretty popular right now...your title's kind of lame, but it's also pretentious enough that people can talk about it without feeling ashamed...and I see the homoerotic subtext you're including there. Very sneaky, I'm sure you'll attract tons of fangirls with that unresolved sexual tension between the two male characters." When she turned to look at him, Kim Dokja was watching her with a peculiar look on his face. "What?"

"What subtext are you talking about?" He sounded genuinely confused.

Han Sooyoung stared at him. "Are you telling me the subtext was purely coincidental?"

"Yes? I have no idea what you're even referring to."

"Wow." She couldn't help but feel impressed. "Mark my words, you're definitely going to make it big as an author. The hardest level of fanservice to master is definitely unintentional fanservice, and you're already leagues ahead of everyone else."

"Thank you," said Kim Dokja, still sounding confused.

"And swear you won't marry the main character off to Yuri, okay?" she pressed. "Firstly, that's weird on a personal level, and secondly, I guarantee you'll get tons of hate from your fans if you pull a bait and switch like that. Shipping is serious business these days."

"I wasn't planning on that anyway," he said nonchalantly.

By the time Han Sooyoung realized what he had meant by those words, the situation was already unsalvageable. Kim Dokja did get his fair share of hate for the unconventional ending of Unbreakable Faith, but its sheer shittiness also propelled him to fame and earned him a lot of genuine fans.

Working together on his novels cemented their budding friendship, and Kim Dokja soon became her best friend. This time, she was sure he felt the same way.

As time went on, Han Sooyoung came to realize that Kim Dokja was nowhere as passive as he initially seemed. He could be horribly stubborn when he felt like it, and he even got genuinely mad at stupid comments on the internet sometimes. (His skin was thick, but nowhere near as thick as hers was. The same hate comments that bothered him flowed off her skin like water. In fact, she was the one doing the trolling most of the time.)

Their closeness led to a lot of speculation about the nature of their platonic relationship, which was compounded by how firmly single Kim Dokja remained throughout the years. Han Sooyoung tried introducing her female friends to him a few times, but those relationships all fizzled out before anything happened. The general consensus of the girls seemed to be 'he's nice, but I'm not really feeling it', which was only to be expected since he was super slow to warm up to people. After countless failures, Kim Dokja's persistent singleness started to feel like a personal insult to her capabilities, and she was determined to defeat his inferiority complex and marry him off once and for all.

Speaking of personalities, Han Sooyoung had a good idea of what had shaped his into what it was today from the bits and pieces of information he let slip over the years. Although she still didn't know everything about Kim Dokja's past, she knew about the murder, the book, and the time he tried to kill himself in middle school.

(Kim Dokja had mentioned it to her once when they were discussing the miraculous survival of a little boy who fell off an apartment balcony. "I jumped out of a third-story window once and survived," he said casually, as if it wasn't a big deal. "Children are pretty resilient."

She didn't know what to say at the time, but it was fine because he didn't seem like he needed comforting anymore. He just needed someone else to know.)

And most importantly, she knew about his childhood friend.

"Why don't you try looking for him?" Han Sooyoung asked, stirring her drink idly. The ice cubes clinked against the sides of her glass. "I'm sure you could find him on Facebook or LinkedIn if you tried hard enough. Hell, I'll even do it for you for free. You know how good at Facebook stalking I am."

Kim Dokja looked like this was the first time he had ever thought about it. "I guess, but I wouldn't know where to start."

Han Sooyoung unlocked her phone and pulled up Facebook with a confident flick of her finger. "You start with his name first, obviously. What's he called?"

"I think it might be Yoo Junhyun or Junghyeok? Jonghyun? Something like that."

"What do you mean 'it might be'? It either is or isn't."

"Sorry," said Kim Dokja. "My memory of my childhood is a little hazy, so I'm not that sure."

Han Sooyoung's hand tightened around her phone, and she let out an inaudible sigh. "What else do you remember about him then?" she asked. "Do you know which elementary school he went to? Most people don't put them on their profiles, but who knows."

"I think he went to some kind of international elementary school, but I can't remember the name."

A vein throbbed on Han Sooyoung's forehead. "What do you remember then?"

"His family was pretty rich, I believe. They could fly out to Jeju Island for summer vacation. Their house was big too...oh, and he wanted to be a pro gamer when he grew up."

God, this mystery kid sounded hella pretentious. But at least this was material she could work with. "Did you ever try looking through a list of Korean pro gamers named Junhyun and seeing if you recognize any of them?" 

"Just because someone had a dream when they were little doesn't mean it'll come true," he replied smoothly.

"What's with the depressing logic?" she demanded. "You wanted to be a writer when you were small, didn't you? And look where you are now, Salvation-nim."

"Yes, but I couldn't have done it without you."

"..." Han Sooyoung pinched the bridge of her nose. "Anyway," she said, voice softer, "I'm sure you'll be able to find him eventually if you actually look. Worse comes to worst, we can hire a private detective. You have enough money to blow on it anyway."

"I suppose I could." Kim Dokja traced the rim of his coffee cup with his index finger. "But to be honest, I'm not even sure if I do want to find him."

"Why not? You said he's your first friend, shouldn't that mean something to you? I know I still stalk my first boyfriend on LinkedIn occasionally." Whoops, she didn't mean to reveal that last tidbit.

"It's just, I wouldn't know what to say to him if we did meet again. He probably doesn't even remember me anymore, so what's the point?"

Kim Dokja sounded like he had already given up, and it made her furious at how he always gave up his chance at happiness too easily. But then again, he was right. What was there to talk about with someone you haven't seen in 17 years? Everything they had once felt for each other had long since been worn away by the passing of time; Kim Dokja was chasing the ghost of a person who didn't exist anymore. Wouldn't it be better to let him keep dreaming?

Han Sooyoung watched the ripples on the surface of her iced coffee fade back to calmness. "I'd punch him," she said after a long time.

"What?"

"If I were you, I'd want to find him and punch him in the face for ghosting me. If you don't know what to do when you two meet again, then do that."

His lips tilted up into a small smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You better," she said, "because I'm definitely going to make sure it happens."

Kim Dokja could claim he didn't care all he wanted, but she knew that he did want to meet that guy again. A traumatic childhood, an unfulfilled promise, the mysterious disappearance of a childhood friend...it sounded like something straight out of a drama. Real life was truly stranger than fiction. 

Han Sooyoung never turned down a challenge when presented with one; she was determined to find Kim Dokja's guy for him or die trying. Other concerns, like trying to get Kim Dokja hitched, would have to wait. Damn it, why couldn't his childhood friend be a girl? That way she might be able to kill two birds with one stone.

She was still thinking about Jung-whatevers when a coworker pulled her aside during lunch break with a secretive look on her face. Han Sooyoung followed her into the stairwell, still a little distracted thinking about all the private investigators in Seoul and how much they charged per hour. "What's up?"

The girl beamed at her. "Sooyoung-ah, I never got to thank you properly for covering for me last time. You honestly saved my life, I totally thought I was going to get fired!"

"No worries," said Han Sooyoung. "I actually have to go work on something, and..."

"Anyway, do you know how I told you my little brother quit school to become a pro gamer?"

The words 'pro gamer' triggered an alarm in her head, and she immediately snapped to attention. "Yeah?"

"He said I could come watch him practice with his team this Saturday, and I asked if I could bring a friend and he agreed. So do you want to come with me? It's a great networking opportunity, especially since you're looking for sponsors right now. Their team is super popular and I know they have a lot of connections to big companies." The girl cupped her hand around her mouth and leaned in mysteriously. "Besides, some of his teammates are kind of hot, if you're into that type of men."

She was right, it was a good networking opportunity. Han Sooyoung was intrigued despite having zero interest in esports or gamers. "Which pro gaming team is your brother on again?"

"WOS," the girl answered. "You know, the team with YJH on it? Yoo Joonghyuk? The Supreme King?"

"Yoo Joonghyuk," Han Sooyoung repeated. Joonghyuk. Junghyeok...pro gamers...no, there was no way in hell it was this easy. "Do you know how old he is?"

"You mean YJH? I think he's around 27 years old."

The guy was the same age as Kim Dokja. Fuck. Her intuition was screaming at her that this coincidence had to mean something, and it had never been wrong before. Maybe Fate was finally making up for all the shit it put him through.

"Of course I'll come with you this Saturday," she said with fake enthusiasm. "I'm actually a huge YJH fan, you've got to get your brother to introduce me to him..."

Yoo Joonghyuk was a fucking asshole. Seriously, was it a natural law that someone's personality was always inversely proportional to their attractiveness? He was also a paranoid bastard who seemed to think she was some kind of aspiring gold digger, which, rude. Just because she's unnaturally fixated on money didn't mean she's a gold digger. In fact, it's the complete opposite: she wanted to become the mound of gold for cute guys to dig at. Of course, Yoo Joonghyuk did have some reason to be paranoid. He was the most lusted after pro gamer in the country after all, and even if he could kill a man with his bare hands, he was still susceptible to mortal tricks like chloroform and zip ties. Not that she had thought about kidnapping him and locking him in a room together with Kim Dokja, nope, not at all.

Taking all these things into consideration, Yoo Joonghyuk remained stubbornly resistant to all her attempts to pry information out of him. In short, he was a really fucking tough nut to crack. Innocuous questions ("Did you grow up in Seoul, Joonghyuk-ssi?") only got her dark glares in return, while attempts to broach the subject in a roundabout way ("My childhood friend went to an international school when he was young, I wonder what that must have been like?") also proved fruitless. By now she was losing track of how many non-existent childhood friend anecdotes she had made up in order to jog his memory. 

Most importantly, there was no way in hell Kim Dokja was going to get along with this guy. Yoo Joonghyuk was everything he wasn't, and he'd probably get his heart platonically broken if they ever met. She knew she it was easier on all of them to leave Yoo Joonghyuk alone and pray that Kim Dokja's childhood friend was someone magnitudes less dickish...but in her heart of hearts she knew that he was it. Yoo Joonghyuk was the right guy. With all these reservations in mind, Han Sooyoung decided to keep her mouth shut for now.

Things came to a head one day when Yoo Joonghyuk confronted her privately outside the training centre.

"You think I'm hitting on Han Donghoon?" Han Sooyoung asked, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. "He's barely 18! What kind of person do you think I am? Actually, don't answer that question."

"Either way, stop coming here," Yoo Joonghyuk said coldly. "You're not welcome."

Jesus Christ, she was just trying to get information out of Han Donghoon. It was a purely professional exchange and one that wouldn't have taken place at all if Yoo Joonghyuk hadn't been so tight-lipped about his personal life. "Go ask the kid himself if he thinks I'm harassing him," she argued. "No really, go ask him. I'll stop if he's genuinely bothered by the bribes."

"I'm speaking to you on his behalf. Now leave before I call security."

Han Sooyoung sighed. "Listen, I'm really not trying to bully Han Donghoon into something sketchy. I'm friends with his sister, do you seriously think she'd let me talk to him if I was that sleazy?" she asked, trying to appeal to his rational side that may or may not exist. "And why do you even care about him? You two barely talk to each other, and I know you don't get along with your teammates."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately respond, and Han Sooyoung despaired for her reputation. And then it occurred to her—Yoo Joonghyuk was protecting Han Donghoon from what he perceived as a threat. Huh. Interesting. Maybe there was something salvageable there.

"I told you to leave," growled Yoo Joonghyuk, interrupting her train of thought. "Why are you still here?" 

Instead of taking a step back as he advanced towards her, she took a step forward. "Fine, I'll tell you the truth about why I'm here: I have a friend who wants to meet you."

"I'm not interested," Yoo Joonghyuk shot back, glaring.

She rolled her eyes. "It's not that kind of meeting, don't get too full of yourself. Not everyone in the world wants to bang you, okay? And it's a guy."

"Still not interested."

"I already said it's not that kind of meeting, are you being this difficult on purpose or are you seriously this dense? Wait, where are you going? I'm not done talking to you yet. Hey, Yoo Joonghyuk! Hey!" Han Sooyoung groaned and ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "Did you have a childhood friend?" she called after him.

His footsteps faltered for a split second, before he continued on like nothing happened and disappeared through the glass doors. The security guards soon came over and escorted her off the company grounds despite her protests. She was subsequently banned from the area by Yoo Joonghyuk's insistence.

Well, fine. If this was how Yoo Joonghyuk was going to act, then they could do this the hard way.

***

[Constellation Observatory]

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Kim Namwoon should have texted Jang Hayoung! What's the point of texting YJH when they're both dudes? 'S not like they can end up together.

[Sun Wukong]: Sorry to burst your bubble, but namyoung isn't gonna happen.

[Uriel]: Oooh, nice ship name. But yes, it's not going to happen.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Why not?

[Yi Sunsin]: She explicitly shut him down in the previous episodes, and I don't think she's the type of person to change her mind easily.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: But she texted him tonight!

[Uriel]: She literally said [ You're just like a little brother to me, good luck with J*hye! ].

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: So? As long as he never gives up and keeps fighting—

[Bihyung]: On that note, I'm more surprised that Yoo Sangah texted Jung Heewon tonight rather than Kim Dokja.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Don't interrupt me again.

[Bihyung]: I'm sorry.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Who's J*hye?

[Yi Sunsin]: The director's assistant, the girl who was at Kim Namwoon's birthday party with them in episode 4.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Oh.

[Sun Wukong]: Is Kim Namwoon setting his sights on staff members now?

[Bihyung]: I'm not sure. Is that off-limits or not? Han PD? Okay, apparently that's not off-limits.

[Yi Sunsin]: Are we supposed to include her in our future predictions then?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: But Jang Hayoung—

[Uriel]: Why do you keep bringing her up? Is she your type?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: No!

[Bihyung]: According to the PD we don't include the girl in our predictions since it's not like Kim Namwoon can text her while he's on the show anyway. However, it is a variable we'll have to take into consideration.

[Sun Wukong]: Fair enough.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: This is stupid, next thing you'll be telling me Kim Namwoon can also go for dudes.

[Uriel]: He can.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: He can?!

[Yi Sunsin]: We're not taking that into account for the show, but I think she means in general.

[Uriel]: No, I did mean the show. But not Kim Namwoon precisely.

[Yi Sunsin]: I see.

[Bihyung]: I didn't expect Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon to be the only pairing to text each other tonight when their relationship has been notoriously volatile, while Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah's, on the other hand, has always been stable. I wonder why Yoo Sangah decided to text Jung Heewon?

[Yi Sunsin]: Maybe she was just trying to show her appreciation for her, the two of them do seem to be good friends.

[Bihyung]: Yes, but she could have told her that in person instead of using up her chance.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Maybe Kim Dokja pissed her off and she's ignoring him.

[Sun Wukong]: Now that you mention it, their talk on the balcony was a bit awkward. It's almost like she's saying she's not that into him and she knows he's not that into her either.

[Uriel]: That's what I've been trying to say this whole time! He's not that into her, but they've been automatically paired up by the mechanics of the show so they're stuck with each other. It's good that she brought it up because now they don't have to feel pressured to pursue a relationship they don't really want to keep up appearances.

[Yi Sunsin]: I hope they'll be able to bounce back from this set-back even closer than before.

[Uriel]: I don't, but I respect your opinion.

[Yi Sunsin]: Thank you.

[Sun Wukong]: Adding to what Uriel said, the fact that Yoo Sangah didn't text Kim Dokja is more notable than who she texted. Want to bet she'll text Jang Hayoung tomorrow night?

[Uriel]: Sure! But how can we bet on it if we both agree?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: If Kim Dokja doesn't like Yoo Sangah then he should go for Jang Hayoung.

[Sun Wukong]: You're slowly transforming into Uriel, except with Jang Hayoung as your bias.

[Uriel]: Except all my ships are perfectly logical because I ship based on the strength of interaction and not looks. Okay, maybe a little looks.

[Bihyung]: Speaking of Kim Namwoon, I should have known he'd text Yoo Joonghyuk tonight. 

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: What a waste of a text. 

[Sun Wukong]: I dunno, he seems like a pretty hardcore YJH fan. This is probably his dream come true. Are you not going to say something about Yoo Joonghyuk x Kim Namwoon, Uriel?

[Uriel]: No thank you, I'm loyal to my ship. Also you got the positions wrong.

[Sun Wukong]: My bad.

[Yi Sunsin]: Yoo Joonghyuk texting Kim Dokja was probably the most unexpected move for me this time, I didn't see that coming at all.  

[Uriel]: Yes, 100%! But what does [ I promised ] even mean? What promise is he talking about? I demand to see the behind the scenes footage of Dokja-yah and Joonghyuk-ah's interactions that didn't make it into the cut!

[Sun Wukong]: It's probably an inside joke or something.

[Uriel]: They have inside jokes already? Awww.

[Yi Sunsin]: It truly warms my heart to see such strong friendship bonds between the male incarnations.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: That was kind of gay.

[Uriel]: I'm glad you agree.

[Bihyung]: All in all, tonight was full of surprises. It seems like this change of setting has also changed the incarnations' minds, because we've been getting some bewildering switch-ups. The couples seolhyuk and doksang didn't reciprocate each other's texts tonight, and I wonder if this minor instability will shake the foundations the two couples have built up over the past two weeks.

[Yi Sunsin]: I'm also looking forward to finding out.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: You know, this was kinda fun. I wouldn't mind showing up for the next episode if you get on your knees and beg me to grace you with my presence.

[Yi Sunsin]: Me?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Not you.

[Sun Wukong]: Me?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Not you either.

[Bihyung]: Me?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Yeah, dumb*ss.

[Bihyung]: Tune in next Friday at 11:11 for episode 6 of Star Stream Heart Signal, where our incarnations will be continuing their adventures on Jeju Island!

***

All the curtains were drawn, and the room was enveloped in darkness. Kim Dokja heard the door open with a quiet click, and heavy footsteps drawing nearer until they stopped at the foot of his bed.

"Kim Dokja," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja held his breath and made sure to stay very still. Suddenly, he felt a rush of cold air over his body and realized that Yoo Joonghyuk had pulled his covers off him.

"I know you're awake."

Even if he had been asleep, there was no way he wouldn't have been woken up by that manoeuvre.

He didn't know how long the stalemate lasted for, but eventually, Yoo Joonghyuk flung the covers back over his head and left. When the bathroom door clicked shut, Kim Dokja opened his eyes and poked his head out of the blanket. He was still awake by the time Yoo Joonghyuk came back and laid down on his bed, and even after the other man's breathing evened out. He watched as the sun rose over the horizon, and the faint rays of sunlight shone through the cracks in the curtains and onto his hands. Then, making sure not to wake Yoo Joonghyuk, he got dressed and left the hotel room.

The morning air felt chilly against his skin as he made his way to the breakfast hall. To his surprise, the large doors were shut when he got there. Checking his phone, he realized that it was only 6:42 am, and he had another 20 minutes to kill. Maybe the staff would let him wait inside if he asked?

"What are you doing up and about this early?" Kim Dokja turned around and came face to face with a curious Han Sooyoung, who was wearing a cap over her messy hair. "Yoo Joonghyuk isn't with you?"

He stared back at her evenly. "You knew this whole time, didn't you."

Han Sooyoung shrugged. "Want to go sit down?" she asked, jabbing her thumb towards a pod of couches by the side.

They walked over there in silence and sat down beside each other. Han Sooyoung kicked her feet up onto the matching footrest and leaned back with her arms behind her head. "To answer your question," she finally spoke up, "yes, I did know. Why do you think I said this would be a life-changing experience for you?"

Sunlight streamed through the large glass windows next to them that overlooked the sea. "When you said you were going to find him for me, I thought you meant you'd arrange a private meeting for us. Not something like this."

"You think I didn't try to?" Han Sooyoung adjusted her cap angrily. "I did! Multiple times! It's not my fault he's a paranoid bastard who refused to give me his number. I was literally this close to knocking him out and dragging his unconscious body to your apartment. Besides, you're such a shut-in that there's no way I could've arranged a surprise meeting for you two without making you suspicious."

"You could have told me directly that you found him."

She scoffed. "But you wouldn't have done anything with the information. Knowing you, you probably would've bought a ticket to his games and watched him from afar like a pining princess before crawling away to die alone in your tower from leukemia."

Han Sooyoung's talents were truly wasted as a director; she really should have been writing melodramatic three thousand chapter-long romance novels with these awful descriptions of hers. But she did have a point. "I guess you're right, I wouldn't have done anything," he admitted.

There were some people bustling about on the beaches, and their figures looked like ants from here. Everything seemed so insignificant from this height.

"Sorry this was so convoluted," Han Sooyoung said, fiddling with the zipper on her sweater. "But two birds with one stone, yada yada, I thought it would've been nice to solve both your problems at once, so if one didn't work out then you had another one to make up for it."

"That's certainly an efficient way to think about it."

"If he didn't recognize you or you didn't like each other, then, well, it wouldn't have been as awkward as a private meeting. And I was originally going to tell you the truth today, but that bastard beat me to it."

"I see."

There were a few other guests hanging around the corridors. They watched as a woman carrying a sleeping boy in her arms walked by with her husband by her side, the two of them laughing and speaking to each other in hushed voices. They looked like they were in love.

"Did you really not want to meet him again?"

When he looked over at her, there was a faint tinge of what looked like worry in her eyes. Han Sooyoung was never anxious, and his eyes softened at the realization. "No, I do want to."

"Then why are you avoiding him?" Han Sooyoung asked curiously. "I thought you two would be all over each other by now."

"I'm still thinking about what to say," he replied, resting his chin on his hand and staring out the window. "And if I want to punch him in the face or not for being an asshole when we first met even though he knew it was me."

"Take your time then, because I'd pay to watch that happen."

He glanced at her and smiled. "Thank you, Sooyoung-ah."

"You're welcome." A sly grin slowly spread across her face. "You know, when I promised I'd help you find a girlfriend and your childhood friend, I never imagined they'd be the same person."

"I have no idea what you're talking about. Want to head inside the hall for breakfast? I think they're opening the doors now."

"Why are you like this?" Han Sooyoung called out as she got up to chase after him. "Damn it, Kim Dokja—"

Chapter Text

After another unnecessarily convoluted segment involving steamed cakes in the morning, Kim Dokja ended up going on a boat ride with Jang Hayoung. Yoo Sangah and Jung Heewon happily went snorkelling together, while Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk went hiking, and Kim Namwoon and Lee Hyunsung visited a sunflower farm on the most romantic trip of them all. Kim Dokja was starting to wonder if Han Sooyoung had completely given up on their romances and was aiming instead for comedy.

However, Kim Dokja soon realized that he actually preferred going selfie-taking with Kim Namwoon. Even hiking up a mountain with Yoo Joonghyuk and getting devoured by bugs was better than this awkward boat trip with the dating show equivalent of a bitter ex. Kim Dokja's heart just wasn't in it, and even if it was, the meaningful looks Jang Hayoung kept sending him effectively put an end to all conversations before they started. Even the captain of the boat picked up on the tension between them because he was constantly cracking forced jokes about them being 'too shy' in front of each other for the cameras. Kim Dokja just nodded along to whatever he said.

After the lacklustre boat ride, the two of them were dropped back off at the port for a late lunch while the cameramen watched over them from afar. With their chaperones out of the way, Kim Dokja took this opportunity to make amends with Jang Hayoung. "Do you want to get shaved ice?" he asked after she had finished her lunch. "My treat."

Jang Hayoung crossed her arms over her chest. "As if I'd accept such an obvious bribe, Dokja-ssi."

"I think you're misunderstanding something," Kim Dokja said sincerely. "I've already talked things out with Sangah-ssi, and we're both on good terms with each other. And if this is about the movie last weekend, then I'm sorry, I admit I was a terrible date."

There was a pink blush on Jang Hayoung's cheeks. "I've already erased that incident from my memories," she forced out through gritted teeth.

"Then what's the problem?"

Jang Hayoung shot a glance at the cameramen milling about in the distance before leaning towards him and lowering her voice. "I'm not discriminating against you because you like men," she whispered furiously. "Gender is never an obstacle to love. I'm discriminating against you because you’re trying to pick up Sangah-unnie when you're clearly not into her and you’re trying to break up Yoo Joonghyuk and Seolhwa-unnie."

There was way too much to process in her statement, and Kim Dokja was left floundering. "What?"

"I don't know what your exact relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk is," Jang Hayoung said seriously, "but please don't sleep with him behind Seolhwa-unnie's back. First of all, that's unfair to her, and second of all, there are cameras everywhere and you could easily get caught."

Kim Dokja dragged his hand down his face. "Why does everyone think we're sleeping together," he asked the table sadly.

"To be fair, I know it hasn't happened yet because I haven't seen you limping."

"You're making a lot of bold assumptions about his size and our hypothetical positions."

"See!" Jang Hayoung said triumphantly. "Would a straight guy immediately know what I'm referring to? And 'positions', really? You're way too obvious, Dokja-ssi."

"Of course I'd know what you're referring to, I’m a webnovel writer," Kim Dokja protested. "My knowledge of these subjects has nothing to do with my sexuality, it's more a measure of the severity of my internet addiction."

Jang Hayoung hummed. "Sure."

"Ask Han Sooyoung if you want," he said in despair, "we’ve been friends for years. She can confirm that I'm straight."

"Funny you'd say that because I did ask her. She told me, and I quote, 'Kim Dokja's sexuality is like Schrödinger's cat, but with dick.'"

What had he ever done to Han Sooyoung for her to backstab him like this? Right, a lot of things. "Technically that means my sexuality is undeterminable until...the wave function collapses, so that's not confirmation either way."

Jang Hayoung was undeterred by the scientific explanation. "Listen, I want you to find love too, Dokja-ssi, but he isn't the right one for you," she said, looking sincere. "I do respect you as an author even if I can't respect you as a person, and I don't want your reputation to get ruined if people find out. Yoo Joonghyuk has a lot of fans, and not all of them are open-minded.”

Something twisted in Kim Dokja's stomach. "Yoo Joonghyuk was the one who said his first love was male,” he argued. “It takes two people to sleep with each other, you know. To use an inadequate analogy, you're blaming everything on the homewrecker when the husband is just as much at fault here."

"You seem pretty familiar with the concept of homewreckers," Jang Hayoung observed.

Kim Dokja now fully understood the meaning of the phrase 'everything you say can and will be held against you'. There was really no better course of action at this point than to retreat and cut his losses. He stood up and quickly gathered up his plates, sweeping them into the garbage. "You know, I think I'm going to head back now. See you at the resort."

Before he could leave, Jang Hayoung called out to him one last time. "Dokja-ssi. Did you know Yoo Joonghyuk has a little sister?"

He didn't, actually. Kim Dokja wasn't sure what to say.

"They were talking the other night about how his sister’s always pushing him to get married already so she could have siblings to play with. And he agreed with her." Jang Hayoung laughed. "Isn't it weird? I never expected Yoo Joonghyuk would be the type of person who wanted a big, stereotypical family with a lovely wife and lots of children. I know I'd hate it." Her voice was softer now. "There are plenty of other people in the world, Dokja-ssi. It doesn’t have to be him, and it doesn’t have to be you."

It started raining as he walked back to the resort, and he was completely drenched by the time he made it inside. Surprisingly enough, he wasn't the first one back: Kim Dokja was informed by the staff that the others were hanging out at the girls' suite, and so he made his way there after changing into dry clothes. 

(He had thought it was strange how the four girls all roomed together while the men were split up in pairs, but he understood now that it was part of Han Sooyoung's master plan. No wonder she had shot Kim Namwoon down so fiercely when he asked to room with Yoo Joonghyuk yesterday.)

Lee Hyunsung waved at him in greeting when he entered the spacious living room of the suite. Waving back, he noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk, Lee Seolhwa, and Han Sooyoung were all absent.

"Where's Han Sooyoung?" He actually had a good idea of where she was, but it was a way of working towards the question he really wanted to ask.

"Embezzling money," Jung Heewon said without looking up from her phone. She was sitting on a couch next to Lee Hyunsung, and had one arm resting on the back of the couch behind his head. It was a subversive way of asserting dominance, and judging by the look on Lee Hyunsung's face, he enjoyed it.

"Napping," Kim Namwoon replied. "She said if anyone dares to wake her up before dinner she'll make them regret they were ever born."

Classic Han Sooyoung. Kim Dokja took a seat next to Yoo Sangah, who smiled at him briefly before going back to her phone. She looked engrossed in some kind of language-learning app, and he wisely decided not to bother her.

"What about Seolhwa-ssi?" And Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Namwoon looked annoyed. "Why do you have so many questions?" He was lying on the carpet instead of sitting on one of the vacant chairs like a normal person for some inexplicable reason.

"Seolhwa-ssi came back to pick up an umbrella earlier and went out again," Lee Hyunsung answered helpfully, as reliable as ever. "She wanted to explore the island a bit more."

"In this weather?" The rain outside had gotten a lot stronger since Kim Dokja got back. 

"We're leaving tomorrow night, so she didn't want to miss this opportunity."

That made sense. Lee Seolhwa was surprisingly energetic for someone who seemed reserved on the surface, and he remembered hearing her talking avidly about collecting bugs last night. This also meant Yoo Joonghyuk had probably gone with her as an escort. Feeling slightly disappointed, Kim Dokja turned on his phone and pulled up the manga he was currently reading. He had already caught up on all the webnovel serializations he was following on the boat this morning, so he had no choice but to move onto more visual mediums to distract himself.

"Hey Kim Dokja. What are you reading?" Kim Namwoon asked as he fiddled with the remote of the flatscreen TV on the wall.

Kim Dokja was surprised Kim Namwoon even bothered to speak to him, but he supposed that with Jang Hayoung, Lee Seolhwa, and Yoo Joonghyuk gone, there was no one else to entertain him. "A Japanese manga."

"Huh. Which one?"

"<Peace Land>."

"Never heard of it."

The reaction was disappointing, but not unexpected. Kim Dokja had a knack for finding the most obscure and unpopular webnovels to read, much to Han Sooyoung's eternal bafflement. She even called him Garbage Collector for a while back in university until he informed her the nickname implied she was trash for hanging out with him. "Not many people have. It got cancelled after one volume, which is a shame," he explained. "I thought the story had a lot of potential. The author's descriptions of the setting—"

"Yeah, okay." Kim Namwoon turned away from him. "Do you guys want to watch something together?" he asked loudly, sounding bored.

Jung Heewon stretched her arms above her head and yawned. "You mean Movie Night take 2? Sure, I'm down."

"What movie should we watch then?" asked Kim Namwoon. He navigated to the movie selection screen. "What about Parasite?"

"Everyone has already seen Parasite."

"I haven't," said Kim Dokja, scrolling through the manga idly.

"That's because you're a shut-in," Jung Heewon told him.

She was right.

"Why don't we pick a genre we want to watch first, and then go from there?" Yoo Sangah suggested amicably.

"I'm good with anything but romance," said Jung Heewon. "Can we watch a horror movie?"

"Have you seen Falling Blossoms in the Dark yet, Heewon-ssi?"

"Is it the Train to Busan kind of horror or The Grudge kind of horror? Because I strongly prefer the former."

"Why don't we watch something light-hearted instead?" Lee Hyunsung tried in vain. "Like a comedy, or an action movie..."

"Train to Busan was an action movie."

While the others discussed what they did or didn't want to watch, Kim Namwoon silently clicked on a thumbnail and pressed Play. Jung Heewon looked up as the intro music of the movie started playing and frowned. "Don't decide on our behalves, Kim Namwoon," she complained. "Pass me the remote."

"It's my birthday so I get to pick," Kim Namwoon said petulantly, throwing the remote back onto the table and out of her reach.

"Your birthday was two days ago. Chill."

Yoo Sangah nudged her lightly on the shoulder in disapproval, and Jung Heewon relented with a sigh. "Fine, we can watch this movie. What's it about?"

"It's a crime drama..."

To Kim Dokja's surprise, the elusive Yoo Joonghyuk walked into the room just then. Wait, wasn't he supposed to be with Lee Seolhwa right now?

"Joonghyuk-ssi, do you want to watch a movie with us?" Lee Hyunsung asked casually. He had clearly known Yoo Joonghyuk was in the resort the whole time.

That's the sort of information you're supposed to mention when I ask about Lee Seolhwa's whereabouts, Hyunsung-ssi, Kim Dokja thought glumly.

Yoo Joonghyuk sat down on the armchair next to the couch Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah were on and crossed his legs. "Sure."

Even though they weren't sitting on the same piece of furniture and he wasn't in any immediate danger, Kim Dokja still shifted away from him. He thought he was being discreet, but Yoo Joonghyuk noticed the movement and narrowed his eyes at him.

"Joonghyuk-ssi, do you want to switch spots?" Yoo Sangah asked with a pleasant smile. "My eyes are kind of tired, and I think I'd be able to see better from where you're sitting."

Yoo Joonghyuk wordlessly got up and switched with her, putting him right beside Kim Dokja in the loveseat. Kim Dokja shifted back the other way.

"Nothing's happening," Jung Heewon grumbled as they watched the little girl onscreen play on the swings with her young mother in a park. "I thought this was supposed to be a crime film? Where's the crime?"

"Should we watch something else?" asked Lee Hyunsung, always attentive to her needs.

"Obviously there isn't gonna be a murder right away, there has to be a build-up first. The crime shit happens later," said Kim Namwoon, but even he sounded a bit unsure.

"How much later? Don't tell me this is going to be like The Grudge where nothing happens for an hour..."

"Who knows, maybe some guys in a black van will pull up to the park in the next scene and kidnap her."

Yet the little girl and her mother made it home safely and started cooking together to the sound of some peppy early 2000's track.

Kim Dokja wondered if it would be rude if he read <Peace Land> while waiting for something to happen in the movie, but the possibility of Yoo Joonghyuk making a snide comment about it was too high for him to take that risk. With that in mind, he resigned himself to participating in this group cinematic experience. It wasn't a bad movie per se, even if nothing was happening right now. The scenes were well-shot and heartwarming; he just wasn't interested in the genre of the film. He preferred something more removed from real life, like science fiction or fantasy.

Kim Namwoon's stomach growled, the sound cutting through the background music like a knife through butter. "Can we order room service? I'm hungry." His voice wasn't quite a whine, but it was close.

"Do you even know how expensive room service is? It's only four o'clock, you can wait until dinner," said Jung Heewon, looking beyond done with his shit. "There's fruit if you're hungry."

"I hate fruit. Can I get a pizza, Joonghyuk-hyung?"

"You don't have to ask me for permission," said Yoo Joonghyuk, letting out an inaudible sigh.

Kim Dokja barely managed to disguise his laugh as a cough. Kim Namwoon always treated Yoo Joonghyuk more like his father than an older brother figure, much to the latter's exasperation. 

Jung Heewon stared at Kim Namwoon in silence for a few seconds. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, Kim Namwoon," she said earnestly. "I didn't realize you were only five years old."

"Who are you calling a five-year-old?"

"Sorry, I meant toddler."

"Let's not argue about this," said Lee Hyunsung, placing a restraining hand on Kim Namwoon's shoulder. "You can order a pizza if you want, Namwoon, I’m sure it’s on the menu. But Heewon-ssi is right, it is really expensive."

Kim Namwoon perked up at his words. "Do you think I could get Han PD to pay for it then?"

Jung Heewon snorted. "Trust me, there's no way Han Sooyoung would pick up your pizza bill."

"She pays for Lee Jihye's dinners sometimes," Kim Namwoon retorted.

"Because Jihye isn't actually getting paid to work for her, so she has to shut her up in other ways."

"Whatever. Where's Lee Jihye, by the way? Why couldn't she come on the trip with us?"

"Aww, Kim Namwoon, are you lonely?" Jung Heewon asked in a mocking voice. "How sweet."

"I'm not lonely without her!" Kim Namwoon spluttered, cheeks red. "I'm just, uh, curious. Yeah."

"She has exams so she couldn't make it, remember? Speaking of exams, don't you have exams too? Aren't you failing ma—"

The sound of shattering glass drowned out the rest of her sentence. On the screen in front of them, the father of the little girl grabbed the mother by the hair and dragged her across the room, all while she begged him to stop. The daughter was watching the scene with teary eyes, her white-knuckled hands gripping the frame of the door she was hiding behind tightly.

"What is this movie called again?" Kim Dokja heard himself ask.

"Resurrection," said Yoo Sangah.

It was like someone had stuck their fingers into his closed wound and pried it back open under a microscope. He had never seen the insides of it before, and he couldn't look away.

"That was fucking intense," said Kim Namwoon.

Jung Heewon wrinkled her brow in disgust as the father smashed another bottle against the wall. "Wow, what a piece of shit. If this literal piece of human garbage isn't the one getting murdered, I swear..."

The mother was now sitting in the cramped living room alone, sobbing, as the little girl came out of her bedroom and wrapped her arms around her. The camera lingered on the way they clutched desperately at each other for a trembling moment, before fading to black.

Yoo Joonghyuk's arm suddenly pressed against his, and Kim Dokja flinched. After his heart rate settled back to normal, he snuck a look at the man sitting beside him. Yoo Joonghyuk was watching the movie with his usual serious expression, the light of the screen painting his black irises a kaleidoscope of bright colours.

"—is fucking sick," Jung Heewon was saying. "Why don't the police ever do anything in these situations? Hell, why doesn't she leave?"

"We'll usually take the aggressor down to the police station if there are visible injuries, but a lot of the times the victims will change their minds when we arrive and refuse to cooperate—"

Jung Heewon wasn't having any of it. "Why would they refuse? If I were her, I'd castrate him with a rusty knife."

"Is this movie based on the Lee Sookyung case?" Yoo Sangah asked out of the blue.

Kim Dokja's breathing stilled.

"The what?" Jung Heewon asked curiously.

Lee Hyunsung seemed to know what she was referring to because a look of realization dawned on his face. "It's a murder case that happened fifteen years ago. A woman named Lee Sookyung murdered her abusive husband in front of her son."

"She what?"

"She later published a book about her experience," Yoo Sangah continued. "Even if her motives behind writing it were unclear, it did help raise awareness about domestic violence, and one of my professors once recommended it to me. I wonder if the producers bought the rights to it? Or maybe this is just loosely based on her story. They did change the names after all."

Lee Hyunsung glanced at the TV screen with a frown. "Is it really okay for them to make a movie based on this case? The immediate family members of the victim are still alive. Isn't this kind of disrespectful to them?"

"People make movies about Lee Choonjae and Yoo Youngchul all the time," argued Kim Namwoon. "If she didn't want people making movies about her, then she shouldn't have published a book about it. And they even changed her son to a girl, it's completely different."

"I know, but I feel like her case is different from something like the Raincoat Killer case. It's more personal? They could at least ask her son—"

The images on the screen suddenly disappeared, and the 6 of them were left staring at the black screen of the TV.

"Did the movie glitch?" Kim Namwoon wondered out loud.

"I turned it off," said Yoo Joonghyuk, lowering the remote. Kim Dokja hadn't even noticed him get up and grab it.

"Wait, why?"

"Because we're not watching it anymore," Yoo Joonghyuk replied. His tone clearly invited no further discussion, but that wasn't enough to stop Kim Namwoon.

"But we were just getting to the good part, hyung!"

Jung Heewon smacked Kim Namwoon over the head with a particularly floppy banana. "Don't call it that, that’s morbid as fuck. Thanks for turning it off, Joonghyuk-ssi," she said to Yoo Joonghyuk. "That movie pisses me off on so many levels."

As Kim Namwoon bickered with Jung Heewon about whether hitting people with fruit counted as domestic violence ("I'm not your girlfriend or your mother, so it's just assault with a weapon. Isn't that right, Hyunsung-ssi?"), Yoo Joonghyuk pressed another button on the remote and navigated back to the movie library. He clicked on one of the first movies that showed up, which happened to be Parasite.

"Are you kidding me," Jung Heewon let out an exaggerated groan. "Can we literally watch anything else? I know it’s an amazing movie, but Kim Dokja's the only one here who hasn't seen this movie a billion times already. I swear I can recite the North Korea skit word for word at this point."

"I haven't seen it either," Yoo Joonghyuk said coldly.

"Are you lying? I'm pretty sure you're lying."

"Are you alright, Dokja-ssi?" Kim Dokja looked up at the sound of Yoo Sangah's gentle voice. She was watching him with a worried expression on her face. "Your face is kind of pale."

Kim Dokja cleared his throat. "I'm just tired from the trip this morning," he said vaguely, getting up on his feet. "Actually, I think I might go take a nap too. See you at dinner, Sangah-ssi."

Yoo Sangah looked like she didn't really believe him, but she dropped the subject. "I hope you feel better soon."

But Kim Namwoon grabbed his leg before he could step past him. "We put this movie on just for you, so don't you dare leave, Kim Dokja," he said, glaring.

Jung Heewon threw a grape at Kim Namwoon, and it bounced off the side of his head with a loud plonk. "Have a little respect for your elders. Dokja-ssi can do whatever he wants."

Kim Dokja took this opportunity to pull his leg out of Kim Namwoon's grip and head back to his room. After shutting the door behind him, he got out his laptop and opened up a document he hadn't looked at in a long time. His eyes roamed over the familiar characters, lingering briefly on the name that appeared on every other sentence. When was the last time he had written something for this story? Three years? Five years? It was around the time he started writing Unbreakable Faith with Han Sooyoung, probably. He could barely even remember what it felt like to need this story anymore. 

With a light sigh, Kim Dokja put away his laptop and pulled up his covers. The nap had been an excuse to get away, but now that he was here, he might as well catch up on sleep. There wasn't anything planned for tonight other than the ritual texting segment, so it didn't matter if he showed up for dinner or not.

He didn't know when he drifted off to sleep, but when he woke up again it was dark outside the window. He rolled over onto his back and just laid there for a few seconds, watching the curtains flutter in the breeze. 

"Are you awake?" someone asked. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting on a chair on the balcony, his face illuminated by the light of the moon. 

"No," said Kim Dokja. Checking his phone, he realized that it was already past ten and the main restaurants in the resort were closed. He had slept for a lot longer than he expected. Maybe he should just go back to bed? Oh right, they were going to be filming the texting segment in an hour. Damn it.

"I ordered room service," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja had taken one look at the room service menu the night before and dropped it back down on the desk like it was on fire. "It's fine, I'm not that hungry," he lied. It's not that he couldn't afford the prices, he just didn't want to get spiritually fucked over by capitalism while he was supposed to be escaping from it.

"I already paid for it."

Kim Dokja sat up. "Why didn't you say so earlier?"

The two of them had dinner together in silence on the balcony. He couldn't tell if it was because of the pricetag or who he was eating with, but the food tasted almost as good as Yoo Joonghyuk's own cooking. Kim Dokja set down his chopsticks after he finished, and they clinked against the side of the porcelain plate with a chime. Yoo Joonghyuk was holding a glass of wine in one hand and swirling it absently as he watched the waves crash against the rocks below them. Normally Kim Dokja would have made an excuse and left, but he was tired of pretending. The old postcard was carefully tucked away in the inner pocket of his suitcase, a silent reminder of everything he had missed.

"Did your parents send you to boarding school?" he asked instead.

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes widened in surprise. In that split second of vulnerability, he looked exactly like the boy he met on that warm summer evening. So many years had passed since then, but here they were, back at the beginning. 

"...They did,” said Yoo Joonghyuk, after a long pause.

"On Jeju Island?"

"Yes."

Kim Dokja had always suspected that was the case, but it was relieving to hear the words out loud and know for sure that he hadn't been abandoned. There were some boys playing with sparklers on the beach below them. The wind was filled with the sounds of their childish laughter that shone even brighter than the sparks they held in their hands. 

"Let's start over," he said suddenly. "I'm Kim Dokja. You are?"

"Yoo Joonghyuk."

"Long time no see, Joonghyuk-ssi. How many years has it been? 17? It's good to see you didn't grow up ugly."

He heard the faint huff of a laugh from his side, and Kim Dokja's lips curved up in a matching smile. All the worries he had been carrying within him unravelled and melted into warmth.

"And you're still as annoying as ever."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

The boys on the beach were now setting off small fireworks over the water. The night sky was clear of clouds, and the pale moon shone quietly above them like a beacon. Kim Dokja didn't know how long they sat there together under the canopy of twinkling stars, listening to the sound of the waves and watching the golden fireworks bloom in the air. The nighttime breeze was cool against his skin, and he shivered.

"Do you want to head inside?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Not yet. Do you?"

"No."

"Then let's stay a little longer," said Kim Dokja, like he's deciding for the both of them. Joonghyuk let him.

Chapter Text

The hotel room door slammed shut in Kim Dokja's face just when he was about to enter. He stared at it in confusion for a few seconds, before Yoo Joonghyuk calmly opened the door for him. Was this petty bastard trying to get him back for the stunt he pulled with the door last night?

"I didn't know you were such a brat," said Kim Dokja, following him inside. "Has all this talk about our childhoods made you mentally regress to a twelve-year-old?"

As usual, Yoo Joonghyuk pretended he couldn't hear the snarky retort. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Don't drown yourself in the sink," Kim Dokja said offhandedly as he sat down on his bed. His phone buzzed with incoming messages from Han Sooyoung.

[Han Sooyoung]: so I heard about what happened earlier

[Han Sooyoung]: did u cry

[Han Sooyoung]: or throw up

[Han Sooyoung]: u can tell me honestly, I’m here for u

[Kim Dokja]: No, I went to my room to nap like I told Sangah-ssi I was going to. What gave you that impression?

[Han Sooyoung]: lee hyunsung thinks u got really emotional about the movie because u love kids and had to leave to go cry in the bathroom

[Han Sooyoung]: kim namwoon thinks u got food poisoning and spent ur afternoon stuck to the toilet seat, apparently he saw u eating a really questionable-looking banana

[Han Sooyoung]: and no that's not a euphemism

[Kim Dokja]: ...Sure. It's not like I had an image to uphold anyway.

[Han Sooyoung]: mhm

[Han Sooyoung]: so

[Han Sooyoung]: did u know about the movie before today?

[Kim Dokja]: No.

[Han Sooyoung]: me neither

[Han Sooyoung]: did ur mother sell them the rights?

[Kim Dokja]: I don't know, I'm not in contact with her anymore. 

[Kim Dokja]: But I don't think she did.

[Han Sooyoung]: if u want I can write them a formal complaint; I'll verbally eviscerate them for u and make sure they never think about making a movie about u again

[Kim Dokja]: The creators have the right to base their movie off whatever they want, and they clearly put a lot of effort into the production. 

[Han Sooyoung]: if they actually wanted to make something respectful, they would've consulted u

[Han Sooyoung]: u should start a petition to have the movie removed from consideration for awards

[Kim Dokja]: I haven't exactly been easy to find nowadays. Maybe they did try to reach out to me and failed.

[Han Sooyoung]: ...

[Han Sooyoung]: maybe

[Kim Dokja]: It’s fine.

[Han Sooyoung]: anyway, there's not much scheduled for tomorrow apart from the private interviews, so u can go explore the island or something and have fun, we’ll film ur interview last

[Han Sooyoung]: and if u don't feel up for it, just let me know and I can reschedule

[Kim Dokja]: It's alright, I don't mind filming it.

[Han Sooyoung]: ok

[Han Sooyoung]: if u ever wanna talk about anything just send me a message 

[Han Sooyoung]: I'll be there

[Kim Dokja]: Thank you, Sooyoung-ah. ^^

[Han Sooyoung]: ur emojis are always so lame but no problem

[Han Sooyoung]: gonna go to bed now, see ya tomorrow

[Kim Dokja]: Good night.

[Han Sooyoung]: u too

With his mind still focused on the conversation and the shower blasting in the background, he almost didn't hear the knock he was waiting for. 

Jang Hayoung's long hair was pulled up into a ponytail, and a few stray strands of damp hair clung to her neck as she stood outside Kim Dokja’s hotel room in a pair of slippers. This was the first time he had seen her since their disagreeable lunch this afternoon.

"Hello," he said, opening the door wider. "Did you want to come inside? Or we could go somewhere else to talk."

"It's okay, this won't take long." Jang Hayoung took a deep breath in, and exhaled. "I'm sorry about what I said this afternoon, I was out of line."

Kim Dokja could barely hide his surprise. When she messaged him saying they needed to talk, he had expected her to double down on her accusations, not take them back.

"I made lots of assumptions about you that I shouldn't have," she continued. "Seolhwa-unnie helped me a lot when I was going through a hard time at work this week, and I wanted her to be happy. But Yoo Joonghyuk didn't text her last night, and when I realized you were the one he probably messaged, I got frustrated." Jang Hayoung looked up at him. "I'm not trying to come up with an excuse for what I said, I just wanted you to know that you didn't do anything wrong. I was the one who lashed out, and I'm ashamed of how I behaved."

A lot of people had said a lot of things to Kim Dokja over the years, but he had never gotten an apology from them before. Park Hyojin from middle school, Song Minwoo from high school...he wondered if he would forgive them if they showed up and asked him for forgiveness. Probably not. But he didn't think of them with the same kind of burning hatred as he did in his youth either; they meant nothing to him now. Only those with nothing else in their lives clung to hatred as a lifeline, and he was glad that he had other things to hold close nowadays.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore,” Jang Hayoung said nervously, “but please don’t be mad at Seolhwa-unnie. She didn’t even know we argued. You also don’t have to forgive me, I’ll respect your decision either way. Again, I’m sorry. I’ll leave now, good night.”

Jang Hayoung was fundamentally different from those people because he understood her. He would never get why Song Minwoo found joy in making his life a living hell, but he knew the feeling of desperately wanting someone else to reach their happy ending very well, because he was the same.

"Hayoung-ssi. I accept your apology," said Kim Dokja. "You don't need to worry about Seolhwa-ssi, Yoo Joonghyuk and I are just friends. I—" He could see his reflection in Jang Hayoung's clear eyes. "—want him to be happy too," he saw himself saying. 

After a long pause, Jang Hayoung gave him a small, trembling smile. "Friends again?" she asked lightly, holding out her hand.

He shook it. "Of course."

***

If life were a book, Yoo Joonghyuk would be its protagonist. Walking through the hallways of the resort with Yoo Joonghyuk by his side was like walking around with a strobe light: everyone's gazes were uncontrollably drawn to the man beside him. It wasn't just Yoo Joonghyuk's looks that earned him that attention; the way he carried himself and insisted on wearing black even when it was 25 degrees outside also radiated importance, as some people might call it. Kim Dokja personally preferred to call it pretentiousness.

"What are you doing after this?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked him after breakfast. There were two cameramen lurking a few paces behind them, presumably taking shots of Yoo Joonghyuk's face for promotional purposes.

Kim Dokja glanced up at the ceiling in thought. He didn't particularly want to explore the island, but it seemed like such a waste of a plane ticket if he didn't do some kind of cringy touristy thing while he was here. 

"I might walk around the island and go visit the beach," he said vaguely, "waste my money on ripoff souvenirs or something."

"I'll come with you."

Yoo Joonghyuk was practically half a local, having spent five years of his life here, and it made sense that he'd want to do his part as a host and demonstrate some much-appreciated hospitality. "Sure, if you're not busy."

"Sorry to interrupt, but Joonghyuk-ssi, we have to film your interview soon," a cameraman said. He didn’t sound very apologetic.

"You talk too much,” Yoo Joonghyuk told him.

Kim Dokja felt bad for the guy; this was the only line he'd said this whole time. "Go film your interview then," he said diplomatically, "I can wait."

Yoo Joonghyuk held his gaze for a few steady seconds, before looking away. “Film someone else’s part first," he said to the cameraman.

"But no one else is up yet, Joonghyuk-ssi.”

They were nearing the large glass doors of the hotel entrance now, and Yoo Joonghyuk walked outside without even hesitating. Kim Dokja followed after him at a more sedate pace, curious about how this was going to go. 

Despite Yoo Joonghyuk speeding up into a brisk stride, the cameramen refused to get left behind. "Joonghyuk-ssi, we have a really packed schedule today,” one insisted. “There's still Sangah-ssi's new commercial to film after lunch, and then we wanted to film a scene with everyone..."

"Then film my interview when we get back to Seoul."

"We want to really capture Jeju Island aesthetic to finish this arc off with a bang, and it wouldn't be the same if we used a generic setting instead of this beautiful scenery."

"Use a green screen."

"Photoshop would ruin the natural romance vibe we're going for—"

Kim Dokja didn't bother hiding his smile this time. "Go leave your imprint on television history like you know you want to," he said airily. "I'll see you at the beach."

Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes at him. It was the only warning he got before a hand clamped down on his wrist and wrenched him forward. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. Kim Dokja understood his message immediately and the two of them broke into a run at the same time. The cameramen were good at following their mark, but Yoo Joonghyuk was even better. He led them down all sorts of deserted side streets and hidden alleyways with practiced ease, and they managed to lose their tail in no time at all.

"Han Sooyoung's going to be pissed if you make her use a green screen," said Kim Dokja, leaning against the wall as he tried to catch his breath. "You'll never hear the end of it from her."

Yoo Joonghyuk pushed his hair out of his eyes with a hand. "So?" he asked coolly. "I couldn't care less what Han Sooyoung thinks of me." He wrapped his fingers around Kim Dokja's wrist again, but this time his grip was almost gentle. "The beach is this way."

"You can let go of me now," said Kim Dokja, glancing down at where their hands were joined. He felt as though he was taking a piece of something that didn't belong to him. "I'm not an idiot, I'm not going to get lost."

"But you walk too slowly," Yoo Joonghyuk said in disdain. "Do you even exercise?"

"I'm sorry I'm not as aroused by meaningless physical exertion as you apparently are," he shot back. "What do you need abs for anyway? You're a pro gamer, no one can even see them when you're sitting down. Or when you're standing up, for that matter, unless you've been streaming in crop tops."

Yoo Joonghyuk scowled. "Do you mouth off like this in front of everyone?"

"No, I'm only doing this to keep your ego in check," Kim Dokja informed him, making sure to sound as condescending as possible. "If someone has to sacrifice their dignity for this worthy cause, then I’d rather it be me."

"Someone needs to keep you in check."

They bickered harmlessly about miscellaneous topics as they made their way to the beach. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't let go, and Kim Dokja didn't bring it up again. 

Kim Dokja hadn't gotten a good look at the ocean yesterday between the bad weather and Jang Hayoung's unnerving stare, but now that he was actually standing here, all he could think about was how big it was. He couldn't see where it ended, nor where it began. He stood there taking in the view of the blue waters for a while, and then he reached down and slipped his shoes off.

"What are you doing?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Someone has a lot of questions today." Kim Dokja rolled up his pant legs and stepped into the water. The cold ocean water lapped at his bare ankles, a stark contrast to the warmth of the coarse sand on the beach. "Isn't this what people in books always do when they're at the beach?"

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't say anything, but after a few seconds, Kim Dokja heard the sound of splashing and felt his presence beside him. Together, they stood there in the water in silence for a minute like two human-shaped pillars, until an unexpectedly strong wave made Kim Dokja stumble.

"You laughed just now, didn't you," Kim Dokja said as he straightened up. "I heard you."

"I didn't laugh," said Yoo Joonghyuk, deadpan.

"Just admit it."

"I'm not going to admit to something I didn't do."

This brat. Kim Dokja wasn't a petty person by nature, but there was no way he wasn't going to get him back for that. "There's a sea shell over there," he said out of the blue, pointing at Yoo Joonghyuk's feet.

"So?"

"Go pick it up."

"Why would I pick it up?"

"Why not? You’re closer to it. Just humour me, Joonghyuk-ah."

Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't impressed by the weak attempt at logic, but he still reached into the water obediently to pick it up. Kim Dokja was waiting for the moment when his balance shifted, and he quickly hooked his foot around his ankle and tripped him. Yoo Joonghyuk fell to one knee, soaking his pant leg and—to Kim Dokja's immense pleasure—an unfortunate patch of his pants right over his crotch. 

"That's a really unfortunately placed wet patch," he said cheerfully, watching Yoo Joonghyuk get back on his feet. 

Kim Dokja braced himself to get shoved or even punched for that comment, but nothing of the sort happened. Yoo Joonghyuk's expression was definitely sour, but he didn't look angry as he stepped forward and caught his hand in his. 

"Take your stupid shell," Yoo Joonghyuk grumbled. He pressed the seashell into Kim Dokja's hand with an uncharacteristic gentleness that didn't match the annoyed tone of his voice. 

Kim Dokja looked down at the seashell in his palm. It was white with cream-coloured lines running over it, and its surface had been worn smooth by the wash of the sea. 

When he was younger, he used to collect rocks. It wasn't really a hobby or even a proper collection; he just thought it might be interesting to keep the funny shaped ones on his desk to look at when he wrote. Yoo Joonghyuk never understood the point and used to get annoyed at him for getting dirt in his room, but after a while, he started picking up rocks on his way home from school for him. He still thought the action was pointless, but he humoured him anyway.

Kim Dokja smoothed his thumb over the seashell, chest tight with emotion. He planted a seed a long time ago, without ever truly expecting it to bloom. But it had.

"You should splash some more water on your pants so the wet spot is less prominent," he said, slipping the shell into his pocket. "As the saying goes, you must hide the tree in a forest."

"Be quiet."

"You know I'm right."

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at him, but there was no real bite to it. Compared to the first degree murder-worthy glares he had sported when they first met, these ones now were at most involuntary manslaughter. It was a marked improvement.

In the end, Kim Dokja splashed Yoo Joonghyuk again under the guise of trying to help and got his collar grabbed for his trouble. The sun was high in the sky by now and the beaches were starting to fill up with crowds, so the two of them unanimously decided to go somewhere else for lunch.

The large marketplace Yoo Joonghyuk took them to had a fascinating multicultural vibe to it: the red lanterns hanging from the buildings were Japanese, the sweeping roofs were Thai, the people there looked mostly Korean, and many stalls were selling Chinese style clothing and food items. The vendors were all wearing ambiguously historical outfits to match the decor, and Kim Dokja marvelled at their dedication to the aesthetic.

"What is this place?" 

"Blue Dragon Castle."

"I know, I can read.” Yoo Joonghyuk always answered questions in a way that gave him no information at all; it was mildly infuriating. “I meant what the point of this place was. Are they trying to go for a Murim theme? Do tourists also have to roleplay?"

"Go ask one of the vendors if you're so curious."

"Why would I ask them when I have you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him. "It's supposedly a Murim-themed heritage park. None of the people here take it seriously, so no, you don't have to 'roleplay'."

"Makes sense." 

Yoo Joonghyuk was right about the 'not taking it seriously' part—most of the tourists were in jeans, and some vendors were openly listening to music on their very modern phones. Kim Dokja’s gaze was drawn to a shabby book stand in the corner, and he stopped in front of it to peruse its offerings.

"<Heaven and Earth Ice Spirit Sword Manual>, <Phantom Flyer>, <Sunflower Manual>..." He did a double-take at the last title. "<Sunflower Manual>, really? Don't you need to castrate yourself in order to learn this?"

"You'll have to find out yourself," said the merchant, waggling his eyebrows enigmatically.

No thank you. Kim Dokja flipped open the manual before the merchant could stop him. "These are just generic tai chi guides," he remarked. "Why are you selling them under these names? Isn't this false advertising? Besides, I swear some of these titles are copyrighted."

The merchant's expression darkened, and he snatched the book out of his hands angrily. "Don't read it if you're not going to buy it," he snapped, slapping the book back onto the table.

"Webnovels nowadays let you read some chapters for free before locking things behind a paywall, you could try adopting the same marketing model—"

"Kim Dokja." He looked up at the sound of his name being called. Yoo Joonghyuk was beckoning at him impatiently from a few metres away. "Stop wasting time and get over here." 

With one last lingering look at the outrageously titled books, Kim Dokja dutifully walked over to where Yoo Joonghyuk was standing in line, his pants still damp from their escapade this morning. "What are we waiting in line for?" he asked.

Yoo Joonghyuk pulled him closer by his elbow and glared the queue jumper who had jostled Kim Dokja into submission. "Dumplings."

Kim Dokja couldn't even see the start of the line from where they were standing. "There are at least thirty people in front of us," he said in dismay. "Is it even worth waiting this long for them? We can always go to another stand, I think there's a place over there that sells wonton soup." There was no way the dumplings would taste better than Yoo Joonghyuk's anyway.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked like he had never heard anything more offensive. "We're not going to another stand. And we're not having wontons,"  he said, disgusted.

"I think you have a dumpling fetish," said Kim Dokja.

"That’s not a real thing."

"You're proof that it exists."

"Shut up."

"While we're on the topic of interspecies romance, can you tell me what you think about lettuce? Have you ever found it...attractive?" Yoo Joonghyuk shoved him. Laughing, Kim Dokja took a step back and accidentally bumped into a woman standing in front of them in line. "Sorry, I—" he paused, eyes widening. "Hayoung-ssi?"

Jang Hayoung was holding a half-eaten strawberry tanghulu in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. She looked equally as shocked to see them. "Oh, hey," she said awkwardly, wiping the sugar off her mouth. "Are you guys also here for the famous Murim dumplings?"

"Is that what they're called?"

"Yeah."

Even though they had reconciled last night, relations between them were still a bit tense. Kim Dokja hadn't expected or was prepared to see Jang Hayoung again until their flight back this evening, and he suspected she felt the same way.

"So what have you been up to?" he asked lamely.

Jang Hayoung brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I filmed my 1-on-1 interview, then Namwoon and I went shopping but he had to head back early to finish an assignment, and now I'm buying lunch. What about you guys?"

"We went to the beach," said Kim Dokja.

"Cool," said Jang Hayoung.

They moved a few spots forward in the line.

Kim Dokja wracked his brain for something vanilla to say to break the ice. "What was the interview like?"

Luckily, this seemed to be the prompt Jang Hayoung was waiting for, because she gratefully launched into a retelling of her experience this morning. "It was a pretty standard interview, the kind you see on reality TV shows all the time. Sooyoung-ssi asked us questions like what we thought of all the guests, what the most memorable moment of the past two weeks was..."

Kim Dokja was busy listening to what she was saying that he didn't even notice them reaching the front of the line or Yoo Joonghyuk placing his order until Jang Hayoung made a noise of surprise. "Thanks for buying them for us, Joonghyuk-ssi. Do you want me to pay you back?"

Yoo Joonghyuk stuffed a plastic container into Kim Dokja's arms. "No."

"Thanks. What filling did you get?" asked Kim Dokja, peeking into the container. 

"There's—"

"Murim dumplings only come with one type of filling," said Jang Hayoung. "That's what the name refers to."

"I see, that makes sense."

They stood at the quiet corner of the marketplace in awkward silence for a few moments. Kim Dokja wondered if it would be rude if he opened the container and started eating right then and there.

"So, uh, where are you guys headed to next?" asked Jang Hayoung, clearly trying to be polite.

"I think we were just going to walk around for a bit, isn’t that right?" Kim Dokja nudged Yoo Joonghyuk in the ribs with his elbow pointedly, but he ignored him. "Do you want to join us, Hayoung-ssi?" he added as an afterthought.

Before Jang Hayoung could reply, her gaze caught on a spot behind Kim Dokja, and she flinched. "Actually, I just remembered I promised Seolhwa-unnie we'd go bug-hunting together and," she glanced down at her bare wrist and feigned surprise, "looks like I'm going to be late, sorry got to go, bye!" 

"You're not even wearing a watch," said Kim Dokja. But she was already too far away to hear him. "Did you do something to scare her away?" he asked Yoo Joonghyuk, who was standing off to the side with a bored expression on his face. 

"No." Yoo Joonghyuk turned around and started walking down a side path. 

“Where are you going?”

"There's a pagoda shelter over there.”

There was indeed a pagoda shelter over there. They walked up the twisting staircase and sat down together on the wooden bench that ran along its circumference, underneath the intricate patterns of the ceiling beams.

Kim Dokja opened up his container and breathed in the hot scent of freshly cooked dumplings. Maybe the long wait had been worth it, he thought as he bit into a dumpling. He noticed in his peripheral vision that Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him with a slightly expectant look, which was hard to tell apart from his usual resting bitch face unless you knew exactly what you were looking for.

"These are really good," Kim Dokja said encouragingly, taking another bite. "In fact, they kind of taste like the ones you made for Kim Namwoon's birthday. Did you get your recipe from this store or something?"

"Yes."

“I could tell. But to be honest, I think I like yours better. You should make dumplings for us again when we get back.”

"I'll see if I have time," Yoo Joonghyuk said with a straight face. 

Kim Dokja thought he sounded pleased. All cooks liked getting praised for their dish, he supposed. He was soon distracted by a more pressing dilemma. "Where's the dipping sauce?" he asked, rummaging through the paper bag. "Did you not ask for any?"

"Murim dumplings don't come with dipping sauce," Yoo Joonghyuk said arrogantly. He split apart his wooden chopsticks into two perfect halves with a loud snap.

"You always fixate on the weirdest details," sighed Kim Dokja. “Why are you so anal retentive about sauce anyway?”

“Keep your mouth shut during meals.”

"Eating Murim dumplings again, Joonghyuk?" a loud voice called out. 

A tall woman wearing historical clothing was walking up the stairs. As she drew nearer, Kim Dokja noticed that she was even taller than Yoo Joonghyuk—he had to crane his neck up just to meet her eyes. There was a black dog dressed in a blue robe at her heels, its tongue hanging out playfully as it padded across the wooden floor towards Kim Dokja.

"What are you doing here?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk. Surprisingly, his statement didn't sound rude or threatening as it normally would, simply curious.

"I’m on vacation with my boyfriend," the woman replied, taking a puff of the long pipe in her hand. 

"The short one?"

She huffed out a laugh. "Don't let him catch you saying that." Turning to Kim Dokja, she gave him an assessing onceover with her piercing eyes. "Who's this?"

"I'm his friend," he said before Yoo Joonghyuk could answer with something vaguely insulting, "Kim Dokja."

Narrowing her eyes, the woman grabbed Kim Dokja’s chin and tilted his face up to examine him. After a few seconds, she let go with a shake of her head. "Not my type. Disappointing."

"You have a boyfriend," Yoo Joonghyuk pointed out grumpily.

"That doesn't mean I don't have eyes. Namgung Minyoung," she said, nodding at Kim Dokja.

Kim Dokja had a good idea of who Yoo Joonghyuk got his mannerisms from now. "Nice to meet you," he said politely. Namgung Minyoung...the name was familiar. Wasn't she the original director of the esports team Yoo Joonghyuk belonged to?

Namgung Minyoung sat down on the bench beside Yoo Joonghyuk and swung one leg over the other. "Are you two here for that TV show you said you were going on?" she asked lazily. "What was it called again, Love Alert? Passion Clues?"

"Heart Signal."

"Yeah, that's the one." Smoke billowed out of Namgung Minyoung's parted lips in perfect rings. "Is this who you're dating on the show?"

Kim Dokja expected Yoo Joonghyuk to vehemently deny the accusation, but he was met instead with a ringing silence. ‘Say something,’ he mouthed at Yoo Joonghyuk.

And yet Yoo Joonghyuk remained silent, looking lost in thought.

Deeming Yoo Joonghyuk unreliable, Kim Dokja decided to take matters into his own hands. "I'm not," he said calmly. "We’re just friends. However, the person is on the island with us right now. Did you want to meet her?" 

Namgung Minyoung glanced between them with a raised eyebrow. "I think I'm good," she said with a frown. "You, what did you say your name was again?"

Yoo Joonghyuk answered for him this time. "He’s Kim Dokja."

"He is?" There was a hint of a smile on Namgung Minyoung's lips as she twirled her pipe in her hand. "Hm. Interesting." 

Yoo Joonghyuk sent her a warning look. "Don't you have something better to do than sit here and smoke?" he asked exasperatedly.

"You mean my boyfriend?"

"...I meant on the island in general."

"Not really. Most of the people I know moved away or died, so there’s no one I’m obligated to visit. This place has really changed a lot since I was last here." She took a long puff of her pipe. "You've also changed a lot, Joonghyuk."

There was something about the quiet pride in her voice that made Kim Dokja feel as though he were intruding on a private conversation, but neither of them told him to leave. Something warm nudged his leg, and he looked down. Namgung Minyoung's dog looked up at him with doleful eyes and gestured at the container in his hands with its nose.

"Do you want a dumpling?" he asked it.

The dog bobbed its head up and down like it was nodding. Huh. Its mannerisms were so human-like that it was uncanny. 

Namgung Minyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk were still talking in quiet voices beside him and he didn't want to interrupt them with an inane question, but Kim Dokja figured one dumpling wouldn't hurt. He pulled a dumpling apart with his fingers and fed one half to the dog, who swallowed it happily and closed its eyes in bliss.

"Master was raised on Murim dumplings," Namgung Minyoung suddenly said.

It took Kim Dokja one second to realize she was talking to him, and another to realize that Master was the name of the dog. "Was Yoo Joonghyuk also raised on dumplings?" he asked with a smile.

Namgung Minyoung's grin widened. "Of course he was. I fed them both the same thing for years.”

“Stop talking already,” Yoo Joonghyuk muttered.

“In fact, I met the dog first, so Joonghyuk's actually my younger disciple. Hey, why don’t you call Master sajeo anymore? So uncute."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked extremely disgruntled by his low rank in the family hierarchy, but he didn't protest it. Kim Dokja wondered what a teenage Yoo Joonghyuk was like: would he be more like the stoic man he was today or the overconfident brat he used to be? 

Who was he kidding, the two were the same. 

Namgung Minyoung's phone rang just then, and she pulled it out of her sleeve to answer it. "Yeah? Uh-huh. Sure. I'll be there in a bit." She hung up. "Luckily for you, Joonghyuk, I have to go now, so I'll stop embarrassing you. Don't forget to call me once you get back to Seoul."

Yoo Joonghyuk stood up to see her off. "I will.”

"Say hi to Mia for me," Namgung Minyoung said, ruffling Yoo Joonghyuk's hair affectionately. She looked straight at Kim Dokja when she spoke again, "See you around, kid."

After Namgung Minyoung and Master disappeared down the stairs, Yoo Joonghyuk sat back down on the bench and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. 

Kim Dokja popped the other half of the dumpling in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. "Is Mia the name of your sister?"

"How did you know I have a sister?"

Whoops. "I think I overheard you talking about it once,” he bluffed. “How old is she, by the way?"

"Ten," said Yoo Joonghyuk. The edges of his eyes softened, like he was thinking about her.

Something clicked in Kim Dokja’s mind. "Is she the person you've been visiting these past two weeks? I always thought you were going to the gym, but in retrospect, even someone like you wouldn't go to the gym seven days a week, multiple times a day."

"What do you mean by 'someone like you'?"

"Trust me, you don’t want to know." He didn’t know either, but he could always come up with something unflattering on the spot if pressed for details.

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an unimpressed look, but dropped the subject. "Yes. She's staying with her friend this month, but I still check up on her just in case."

Judging by his words, it seemed as though Yoo Joonghyuk’s parents still weren’t in the picture. It must have been difficult raising a little girl on his own, with no other family to depend on. "You’re a good brother to her," said Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't say anything for a long time, and the two of them finished their lunch together in peaceful silence.

"What do you want to do now?" Kim Dokja asked after they had cleaned everything up.

"I don’t care. It's up to you."

"Want to get shaved ice? My treat."

Yoo Joonghyuk inclined his head, and they made their way to a shaved ice place that happened to be located next to a field of canola flowers. 

Kim Dokja wasn't really sure which flavour to get, so he ordered the most extravagant-looking one on the menu for Yoo Joonghyuk ("To match your ego.") and a normal-sized one for himself. Yoo Joonghyuk was predictably offended by how the store sacrificed taste for flamboyance, and Kim Dokja told him to shut up and eat his dessert, his wallet was still bleeding. There was still some time left after they finished their desserts before they needed to get back, so by mutual agreement they decided to walk around for a bit. Han Sooyoung was going to be pissed they didn’t immediately head back, but then again, this vacation was supposed to be compensation for the fact that none of them were getting paid to go on this show. They might as well enjoy themselves while they were here.

"I feel like an elementary schooler on a school field trip," Kim Dokja remarked as they walked through the field of flowers. He bent a particularly springy plant back and flicked it at Yoo Joonghyuk’s face.

Yoo Joonghyuk dodged it easily. "You need to exercise more," he said, which didn't have anything to do with anything.

"To quote someone I know: that's none of your business."

They sat down together on a large rock after Kim Dokja successfully convinced Yoo Joonghyuk that getting dirt stains on his pants wasn't a big deal. ("You look stupid standing there, sit down already.") There was a sweet, powdery scent in the air around them that made everything seem brighter. The tall stems of yellow flowers swayed in the light breeze, and their petals felt like silk when they brushed against Kim Dokja's fingers. They could see the sea from here, and Hallasan looming in the distance like the back of a slumbering beast. There was something about the sight that took his breath away and filled his chest with a sharp, mesmerizing lightness.

"I'm sorry."

He whirled around in surprise. Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him, his lips pressed tightly together. The frowny expression on his face made him look much younger than he was, and Kim Dokja smiled, nostalgic. "What are you sorry for? ” 

“I broke a promise.” 

There was something sad in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes, he realized. There had always been. It was an old sadness, like a scar that never healed over properly. Kim Dokja had a similar wound inside him, though he didn’t hide his as well as Yoo Joonghyuk did. 

“But you did keep your promise in the end,” he reminded him.

"...I did?"

"You’re here now, aren’t you?"

He remembered feeling broken as a child, and finding comfort in the fact that his new friend was broken in the same places as him. It had been a selfish thought, but it was the truth. They were the same. Yoo Joonghyuk had saved Kim Dokja, and maybe somewhere he didn’t know, Kim Dokja had saved Yoo Joonghyuk too. They had both waited countless days and nights to meet each other again.

"There's nothing to forgive," he said. "You didn’t do anything wrong." 

The wind picked up, rustling the grass and carrying small golden petals into the sky with it. Yoo Joonghyuk's windswept hair fell over his dark eyes. Kim Dokja wanted to brush it out of the way for him, and he did. 

"Welcome back, Yoo Joonghyuk."

Returning to the resort took a lot longer than they expected, but they still made it back in time to film their interviews in the afternoon. Han Sooyoung looked like she wanted to lecture Yoo Joonghyuk for ditching his cameramen, but her scowl morphed into a grin when she noticed Kim Dokja had been with him. 

"Did you have fun?" she asked knowingly when they were alone.

He smiled. "Of course." And he meant it.

Kim Dokja ended up sitting in the same row as Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa on the flight home. The sky outside the round window beside him was streaked with reds and golds as Jeju Island, a small green gem in the vast blue ocean, disappeared beneath the white clouds. 

He didn’t mean to doze off in his seat, but the gentle rocking of the plane soon lulled him to sleep. As he wavered on the line between sleep and consciousness, he slowly became aware that his head was resting on something warm. 

"Is Dokja-ssi asleep?" he thought he heard Lee Seolhwa ask.

Someone brushed the hair away from his face gently. Even without opening his eyes, he knew it was Yoo Joonghyuk.

Chapter Text

“All things pass. None of us can manage to hold on to anything. In that way, we live our lives.”

― Haruki Murakami, Wind/Pinball: Two Novels

*

"It's my father. My father hits me, and he hits Mother too." Kim Dokja's next words were nothing more than a tiny whisper on his lips, "I want to kill him."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't remember what he said after that, but he remembered the weight of Kim Dokja's small hand in his, the soft press of his lips on his cheek, the feeling of his heart pounding out of his chest from happiness.

And lastly, he remembered this: "I won't forgive you if you lie."

Yoo Joonghyuk woke up in his dormitory on Jeju Island. The sun hadn't risen yet, and the room was draped in formless gray shadows. He could hear his roommates snoring on the other side of the room, oblivious. He slipped out of bed and padded over to his desk, tugging his drawer open with a loud creak. He picked up his notepad and a pen and laid back down on his bed. After pulling his covers over his head, he set the notepad down on his pillow and started to write.

[ To Kim Dokja,

It's May now. One more month and I'll be back in Seoul. I think this school ends earlier than yours. It starts earlier too.

I hate it here. Everyone is annoying and a dumbass. None of them understand anything. They're always complaining about homework or their parents. You can't even go out without permission. Also they took my console away. It's stupid. I hate everything about this place. I want to go back. I hate it here. I hate them I hate ]

Yoo Joonghyuk ripped the page out of his notepad and tore it down the middle. He kept ripping the page into smaller and smaller pieces, until there was nothing but scraps and scattered characters left. He knew he had to do this, otherwise, someone else would find it and read it. He didn't want anyone but Kim Dokja to read it. 

"Stop making so much noise, Yoo Joonghyuk," his bunkmate's muffled voice said above him. "Be quiet!"

"You be quiet," another roommate shouted back. "You're the loudest one here."

"I wouldn't have to yell if Yoo Joonghyuk would be quiet and go to bed!"

"If you hadn't raised your voice and woken me up―"

"Everybody shut up," his fourth roommate ordered, and the room fell back into a grumpy silence.

Yoo Joonghyuk crumpled up the shreds of paper up in his fist and threw it at the garbage can across the room. He missed. The wad of paper landed on the ground and rolled into the corner of the room, abandoned. Yoo Joonghyuk threw his covers over himself and closed his eyes.

The thought of summer vacation was the only thing that kept him going through the monotony of school. He didn't care about exams or his grades, he just wanted school to be over so he could go back to Seoul. 

Yoo Joonghyuk had their reunion all planned out in his head: he still remembered which apartment building Kim Dokja lived in and if he waited there long enough, he'd be able to catch him coming home from school one day. And then he'd tell him all about how much it sucked here and how he didn't mean to leave without saying anything. Kim Dokja would then forgive him like he always did whenever Yoo Joonghyuk accidentally said something he didn't mean, and they'd run away together to someplace faraway where no one could force them to leave each other ever again. 

All his perfectly laid plans came crashing down with a single phone call.

"What do you mean you're not picking me up?" Yoo Joonghyuk demanded, hand tightening around the speaker. 

The dormitory head, sitting behind her desk in the office, was watching him with a frown on her face. There was a small, ugly cactus on the table beside the door. Yoo Joonghyuk glared at it, unreasonably livid at how ugly it looked.

"We found you a host family to stay with on the island."

"But you promised," he choked out, "you promised that if I stayed here and didn't get into any trouble, if I got good grades―"

"But you didn't get good grades, did you? I saw your report card, Yoo Joonghyuk. Your marks in Korean class were terrible. Your mother and I made a mistake, letting you do as you please for so long..."

Yoo Joonghyuk's fists trembled at his sides in fury. His father continued lecturing him, but he wasn't paying attention. He had heard enough. Hatred burned in his chest, bitter like smoke.

And then the call was over, and the dormitory head was reaching over to pluck the speaker from his hand and set it back down on the table. "Now now, this isn't something worth crying over," she tutted. "You're a big boy, aren't you? Big boys don't cry. I'm sure your parents―"

Yoo Joonghyuk kicked open the door before she could finish her sentence. On his way out, he grabbed the cactus off the table and hurled it at the ground. The small ceramic pot landed with a loud crash and shattered, scattering dirt everywhere across the hardwood floor. He dusted off his hands in satisfaction.

"Yoo Joonghyuk! Get back here, NOW!"

There were only four days of school left, but he got one month of detentions. The rest of his detentions, he was told, would take place at the beginning of the next school year. Whatever.

Yoo Joonghyuk was picked up at the dormitory on the last day of school by a middle-aged man. He had an arrogant air about him, which he recognized as the putrid smell of money. "You're Joonghyuk, aren't you?" he asked, squeezing out a fake smile. "I'm Namgung Jincheon. You can call me Jincheon-ahjussi."

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him coldly and didn't shake his hand. 

Namgung Jincheon's grin fell from his face at the blatant show of disrespect. "You'll be staying with my wife and me this summer," he said sternly, retracting his hand. "Although you're not a part of my family, I do expect you to do your proper share of work."

"'My proper share of work'?" Yoo Joonghyuk mocked. "And here I thought you were rich enough not to need unpaid child labour.”

Namgung Jincheon glared at him. "This was a decision your parents agreed to, boy. They told me you’ve been slacking off at school recently, and that working at one of my shops would do you some good. Now grab your stuff and get moving, I don't have all day."

Namgung Jinchon spent the car ride lecturing him about his family's proud ancestry, and how they owned half the properties at Blue Dragon Castle. According to him, Yoo Joonghyuk would be helping out at their famous dumpling shop as a dishwasher. If he worked hard enough, he might even get promoted to busboy. 

“You should be honoured to be around traditional artisans―”

Yoo Joonghyuk rolled his eyes and covered his ears with his palms. Namgung Jincheon’s existence reaffirmed his growing belief that all adults were greedy, self-centred, and dishonest pigs. Well, everyone but Kim Dokja’s mother. He couldn’t trust a single thing that came out of their mouths.

I won't be like them when I grow up , he thought bitterly. I'll always keep my promises.

Namgung Jincheon's wife was a carbon copy of him, and came equipped with a shrill voice that grated at Yoo Joonghyuk's ears whenever she yelled. He also had a son in middle school who was just as ugly and arrogant as he was, and an older daughter he had never properly met but hated on principle.

The Namgungs were quickly rising through the ranks of the list of people Yoo Joonghyuk hated the most. The number one spot undoubtedly belonged to Kim Dokja's father, but Namgung Jincheon was a strong contender. They couldn't lay a hand on him because he wasn't their child, but they had no qualms with screaming at him whenever he didn't do what they wanted him to do. In the end, Yoo Joonghyuk started working at the dumpling shop just so he could get away from the constant nagging.

Even though Namgung Jincheon was an asshole, he had to admit that there was some merit to his dumplings. One of the perks of working at a restaurant was all the leftover food he had access to, and Yoo Joonghyuk happily thrived on an all-Murim-dumpling diet. 

The more he liked them, the more he wanted Kim Dokja to like them too. If he couldn’t bring him here, then he’d settle for the next best thing: steal the recipe and make it for him himself. Yoo Joonghyuk spent more time that summer lurking around the kitchen memorizing the ingredients they used in his head than he did washing dishes. None of the chefs paid him any attention; they probably didn't think he was smart enough to learn the steps just by looking.

He was eating dumplings by himself and secretly analyzing their taste one day when his musings were interrupted by the sensation of something nudging his foot. Yoo Joonghyuk looked down. A black puppy was sitting on the ground by his feet, staring up at the bowl of dumplings in his hands with soulful eyes. 

"Go away,” he said.

Instead of leaving, the puppy placed its two front paws on his pants and barked.

"I'm not going to feed you! Get off me." Yoo Joonghyuk shook his leg furiously and dislodged it.

The puppy landed on the ground with a quiet whine of displeasure. Its black eyes, framed by long lashes, shone wetly in the sunlight as it gazed up at him imploringly. Yoo Joonghyuk paused. If he tilted his head sideways and squinted, the dog kind of looked like Kim Dokja when he was upset that he was ignoring him. 

With that thought in mind, he cautiously reached out his hand and placed it on top of the puppy's head. It leaned into his touch. He tried scratching it behind the ears like he’d seen people on TV do, and it wagged its tail happily and licked his hand.

"Its name is Master," a voice behind him said.

Yoo Joonghyuk hastily stuffed his hand back into his pocket. The puppy seemed disappointed by its sudden disappearance, but it soon got distracted by dumplings on his lap. 

The newcomer was one of the waitresses that worked at the shop. She was taller than anyone Yoo Joonghyuk had ever met before, and he had to crane his neck all the way up just to meet her eyes. 

The waitress stepped over the bench he was sitting on, took a seat next to him, and beckoned at the dog, who ran up to her eagerly and placed its paw in her hand. She caressed it absently with her fingers. “Good girl.”

There was something about the slope of her nose and the shape of her eyes that vaguely reminded Yoo Joonghyuk of―hold on, he knew what her name was. "You're Namgung Jincheon's daughter," he said accusingly. "Namgung Minyoung."

Namgung Minyoung snorted in amusement. "Nah, I’m not his daughter. I'm a charity case, just like you."

Yoo Joonghyuk scowled. "I'm not a charity case." His parents were paying Namgung Jincheon to host him.

"Yeah, calling it 'charity' would be too kind. It's more like 'slavery'."

Yoo Joonghyuk smiled at the joke, then immediately schooled his face back into a scowl. But it was too late, Namgung Minyoung had noticed.

"So you can be cute, you little brat," she said triumphantly, pinching his cheek and tugging on it. "How come you're always frowning when you're washing dishes?"

Anyone would be frowning if they had to wash smelly dishes in cold water. He slapped her hand away from his face. "I'm not little. I'm twelve years old."

"I'm twenty," Namgung Minyoung told him, "that's twice your age." 

"That's not twice my age, that's only 1.67 times."

"I'm still older than you.” After a pause, she added, “If you call me Teacher, I'll consider taking you under my wing."

Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his lips together, offended. "Why should I?"

"It's not every day that I accept a disciple, you know. You should be honoured that I offered."

"What can you even teach me?" he asked skeptically.

"Let’s see. You're working at a Murim theme park, don't you want to learn some actual martial arts?" she drawled, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "If that’s the case, then you’re in luck. I haven't lost a fight against anyone on this island since I was six years old."

"So what? I've never lost a fight either," Yoo Joonghyuk shot back.

Namgung Minyoung flashed him a sharp grin. "You're about to."

In the many years to come, Yoo Joonghyuk would often wonder why Namgung Minyoung even bothered to talk to a rude brat like him in the first place, or why she was so insistent on teaching him how to fight. Maybe it was because she saw a piece of herself in him, and wanted to give him something she never had at his age. Or maybe she was just bored.

Either way, through fate or free will, they managed to find each other.

Twelve-year-old Yoo Joonghyuk saw no problem with the idea of getting into a fistfight with an adult, and soon-to-be-twenty Namgung Minyoung had no qualms with beating up a kid either. As such, their first meeting ended with Yoo Joonghyuk spitting out a mouthful of dirt, his hands scraped and dignity bruised. It was the first defeat he had ever suffered.

"Call me Teacher, Yoo Joonghyuk," said Namgung Minyoung, patting him on the head condescendingly.

Yoo Joonghyuk mustered a glare at her. "You're not my teacher."

"Do you want to get beat up again?"

He ignored her and turned back to the bench, only to see Master gobbling up the last dumpling in the bowl. "That was my lunch!" he said angrily, pointing an accusing finger at the dog.

Namgung Minyoung ruffled his hair despite his protests. "I'll get you a fresh batch of those dumplings from the shop. Those were cold anyway, weren't they?"

“...Fine.” He could accept that.

Somehow, they began spending more and more time together as the weeks went by. It was hard to define what exactly their relationship was―Namgung Minyoung insisted they were teacher and disciple, but he secretly thought it was more similar to friendship or a strange, familial bond. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't have any siblings, and he wondered if this might be what having a big sister was like.

Yoo Joonghyuk only found out afterwards that one, Namgung Minyoung's parents had passed away when she was young, leaving her to be adopted by her distant relative Namgung Jincheon, two, she considered her dog her first disciple, meaning he was her second, and three, she was only 19 years old.

"Shouldn't you be in university right now?" he asked curiously. That was what his parents had drilled into his head throughout his childhood: he needed to go to school, get good grades, and then get into a SKY school. A university diploma would be the pinnacle of his very existence on this earth, and it seemed almost mythical to a child who was still stuck on the 'getting good grades' part of that mantra.

Namgung Minyoung took a long drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke at his face. "Who'd even pay for it? Namgung Jincheon? I think he'd rather flush his money down a toilet than pay for my education."

Yoo Joonghyuk fanned the smoke away with a pinched frown. "Didn't your parents leave you any money?"

"You sure know a lot about these adult topics, don't you.” She shrugged. “They did leave me some money, but it's all gone now. I have no idea what Jincheon did with it, and I don’t really care."

That wasn't fair. "That's not fair,” he said, furrowing his brows. "You should fight for what's rightfully yours."

"There are some things that you should always fight for, and some things that you will never be able to fight,” she said cryptically. “Once you grow older, you'll start to recognize the difference. Want to spar, Joonghyuk? I'll teach you a cool trick today."

Yoo Joonghyuk leapt to his feet and dusted off his pants. "Sure, whatever," he said, feigning nonchalance. 

And so they 'sparred', aka Namgung Minyoung beat him up while laughing about how weak his punches were. It was eerily similar to how his lessons with Kim Dokja used to go, and maybe that was part of the reason why he kept coming back to her. 

Namgung Minyoung bought them popsicles afterwards, and they sat down under a tree to eat them.

"I was never that into the whole school thing," she said out of the blue, "so I was fine with not going to university at the time. I still don't regret giving it up, but I'd be lying if I said I'm happy where I am right now."

Yoo Joonghyuk had no idea why she was telling him all of this, but perhaps he was the only one she could talk to, the only one who would listen and understand what it felt like to be left behind. She was still a child too, in some ways.

Stuffing her popsicle in her mouth, Namgung Minyoung leaned her head back against the tree trunk and looked up at the sky. "Have you ever heard of Breaking the Sky Swordsmanship?"

"No."

"It's an old Namgung family legend. As the story goes, the Namgung family owned a powerful martial arts manual a long time ago, and practitioners of it were able to achieve true transcendence and ascend above this mortal realm." She huffed out a laugh. "I'm pretty sure one of my ancestors made the story up, but when I was your age I thought the idea was super cool. Do you think it's cool, Joonghyuk?"

"I guess,” he said.

There was an airplane soaring in the sky above them. Its wings left white trails across the blue expanse, like streaks of flour across the cutting board in the dumpling shop.

"I want to get out of here." Namgung Minyoung raised her hand into the air and spread her fingers around the sun in the sky, holding it within her palm. "I want to become somebody. I don't want to spend the rest of my life rotting away on this island when I know there’s so much more out there, beyond the sky.”

Yoo Joonghyuk's chest tightened with emotion. Namgung Minyoung's words rang through his head like a bell, cutting through the fog of uncertainty that had blinded him. "I want to get out of here too," he said with conviction.

Letting her arm drop back down to her side, she tilted her head over to glance at him. "You're from Seoul originally, aren't you? What was it like?"

What was Seoul like? All he could remember was an empty house, gray cement-paved streets, and Kim Dokja’s shy smile. "It's okay,” he replied. “It's big, a lot bigger than here. And there are a lot more things to do."

"Do you want to go back?"

"I do," he blurted out. "There's someone waiting for me there, and I promised them I'd go back."

A grin slowly spread across Namgung Minyoung's face. "Is that so? Aren't you a little too young for a girlfriend?"

Yoo Joonghyuk glowered at her. "He's not a girl. He's a boy."

"A boyfriend then."

Heat rose in Yoo Joonghyuk's cheeks, dusting them a light pink. "We’re not..." 

That was a lie. Kim Dokja had said he liked him, and he was...fine with the idea. He had never liked anyone, boy or girl, as much as he liked Kim Dokja before. If he had to choose someone to spend the rest of his life with, it would definitely be him.

"You look like you're about to combust," Namgung Minyoung said casually. She bit off the rest of her popsicle and chewed. "Ah, young love! How cute. When I was your age, I was too busy beating up the boys in my neighbourhood to fall in love with them. Children grow up far too quickly nowadays."

"You're nineteen. Stop pretending like you're old."

"You're the rudest kid I've ever met. You know that, right?"

"And you're the rudest teenager I've ever met."

Namgung Minyoung smiled at him. "You're my favourite kid though."

The rest of the summer passed by in a blur of dumplings and fistfights. Even though he would never admit it out loud, Namgung Minyoung did know a thing or two about martial arts and was more than qualified to teach him. However, he continued to refuse to call her Teacher out of sheer stubbornness.

School started up again in August, and on the day before, Yoo Joonghyuk packed up his bags and got ready to get driven back by Namgung Jincheon. 

Namgung Minyoung was waiting for him outside when he dragged his suitcase down the steps and out the front gates. She took his suitcase from his hands and loaded it into the back of the car for him. "Will you be back next summer?" she asked.

Yoo Joonghyuk hesitated. "Maybe." Probably, because his parents were assholes.

The answer seemed to please Namgung Minyoung, and she ruffled his hair one last time before stepping back. "Try to make some more friends your age this year," she said gently. "Trust me, you'd find school a lot more bearable if you had someone to talk to."

"I know."

He didn't tell her that he did have someone to talk to: Kim Dokja. Even though Kim Dokja couldn't talk back to him in the letters he wrote but never sent, it was enough for now. She wouldn't understand even if he told her; no one but them could. So instead, Yoo Joonghyuk nodded curtly and climbed into the backseat of the car. 

“Put on your seatbelt,” Namgung Jincheon ordered.

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored him and turned around to stare out the rear window of the car. Namgung Minyoung noticed him looking, and waved. He waved back. Her figure got smaller and smaller in the distance as the car sped down the road, until she faded into the cloud of rising dust outside the blurry glass.

[ To Kim Dokja,

I met someone interesting this summer. She's not as bad as the other adults. But I guess she doesn't count as an adult. I think you'd get along with her. 

My roommate threw my homework in the toilet yesterday so I stuffed his face in the toilet and flushed it. Idiot. I hate all of them.

Did you make any friends? Would you be mad if I said I hope you didn't ]

Yoo Joonghyuk tore up the letter and flushed it down the toilet. It was good that Kim Dokja wasn’t here to see how selfish he was, because he’d probably hate him for it.

Sixth grade was just as lonely as fifth. Yoo Joonghyuk had never shown the others any kindness, and naturally, they didn’t show him any kindness back. He was already the sworn enemy of half of his male classmates, which made making a friend nearly impossible. Not that he wanted one anyway, he was more than happy on his own. Namgung Minyoung’s words that summer had given him hope, and he started school with one single goal in mind: to make enough money to buy a plane ticket to Seoul.

After promising to pay attention in class, Yoo Joonghyuk managed to keep his gaming console. Everything after that was simple. He used his gaming skills to win pocket money from other students both older and younger than him in illegal gambling matches. They only bet a hundred won each time, but slowly, the earnings started piling up along with the line of people he’d defeated. And the more they lost, the more desperate they were to beat him.

The gambling ring didn't go unnoticed by the teachers, who gave him multiple detentions and took his console away again. Luckily, there were always challengers and sycophants eager to provide him with one to use. Yoo Joonghyuk was widely reviled by most students and weirdly admired by a small fraction for being smart enough to win their money and ballsy enough to keep it, but he didn't care what they thought of him. He also didn't return any of the money despite being ordered to do so, and went to great lengths to hide his stash from everyone. 

The principal threatened him with expulsion or criminal prosecution, but he wasn't fazed. He knew they weren't really going to turn him over to the police, the school cared too much about its reputation to do that. Besides, he actively wanted to get expelled, if only so his parents would be forced to send him back to Seoul. The principal knew that too, and took to punishing him in other creative ways.

By the end of the year, Yoo Joonghyuk had been beaten by the principal himself, smacked by every ruler in the school, and had probably cleaned more toilets than the school janitor. He had also amassed a total sum of around 40,000 won, caused a school-wide ban of gaming consoles, and inspired multiple scavenger hunts for 'Yoo Joonghyuk's hidden treasure'. He didn't, however, manage to make a single friend, which was just as well. It was always lonely at the top of the world.

One more year of this, and he'd have enough money for a one-way plane ticket to Seoul. With that in mind, he headed to Namgung Jincheon's place that summer in unusually high spirits. 

The first person he saw when he got out of the car was Namgung Minyoung. She had grown even taller over the past year, and she now towered over Namgung Jincheon’s stout figure.

"Hey," she said cheerfully. "Remember me?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes brightened in recognition. "Namgung Minyoung."

"That's Teacher to you."

Namgung Jincheon was disgruntled by the fact that they were speaking to each other, and slammed the car door closed with more force than necessary. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. "I told you not to show your face on my property ever again."

"Relax, I’m not going to beat you up. I'm here to pick up Joonghyuk," she replied evenly.

Yoo Joonghyuk froze in his tracks with his suitcase in hand. 

Namgung Jincheon narrowed his eyes. "Did you speak to his parents? I thought my family was supposed to be the one hosting him."

"You can keep the money his parents paid you, I don't want it," said Namgung Minyoung. "I'm only here for Joonghyuk. He’ll be staying with me this summer." She walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "You only see him as a burden anyway, shouldn't you be glad that I'm taking him off your hands?"

An unfamiliar feeling curled itself up in Yoo Joonghyuk’s chest, warm and a little tender.

"Fine," said Namgung Jincheon. "But don't expect me to lend you a single―"

"I know." Namgung Minyoung glanced at Yoo Joonghyuk and smiled. "Come on, kid, I'll show you where I live now."

Namgung Minyoung's house wasn't a real house, it was a shack. 

"You live here? " Yoo Joonghyuk asked incredulously. Master trailed after him happily, sniffing at his heels. "Do you even have running water?"

"Of course. The toilet is flushable too." Namgung Minyoung kicked open the front door of the shack like this was a totally reasonable thing to do to one's property. "Come in. You can stay in any of the empty rooms."

There was only one empty room in the shack, and it was disgusting. Unimpressed, Yoo Joonghyuk parked his luggage beside the cot in the corner and got to work making his room look presentable. Namgung Minyoung came to visit him a while later, and she leaned against the door frame smoking a cigarette as she watched him clean up his room. 

"Let's go out for dinner," she said after he was done, "to celebrate."

No one but Kim Dokja had ever thought his presence was something worth celebrating before now. "Okay,” said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Unfortunately, Namgung Minyoung's idea of a reputable restaurant did not take into account its cleanliness. Yoo Joonghyuk could barely hide his disgust as he watched a mysterious multi-legged critter scuttle across the dirty tile floor and disappear under the counter.

"Did you know an average person eats eight spiders every year?" asked Namgung Minyoung, noticing his discomfort. "If you get your eight out of the way today, then you won't swallow any spiders the rest of the year."

"...That's not how statistics work."

"It's all protein in the end. Don't be picky."

It was hard to finish his noodles when he knew there were probably dead bug bits floating around in the broth, but Yoo Joonghyuk still tried his best. He didn't want to seem ungrateful, and risk getting sent back to Namgung Jincheon. 

Namgung Minyoung set down her empty bowl on the plastic table after she was done with a contented sigh. "Want to spar when we get back?" 

"You mean let you beat me up again?" he snarked.

Namgung Minyoung leaned back in her rickety plastic chair and crossed her legs. "To be fair, you are the strongest twelve-year-old I ever fought," she remarked. "Still not as strong as me, but you’re getting there."

"You've fought more than one twelve-year-old?"

"Obviously."

He really didn't want to know what she was up to when he was gone.

"Joonghyuk, you like games, don't you?" she suddenly asked. "Why don't you come work with me at my gaming company? We can split the profits."

Yoo Joonghyuk frowned. "Don't we have to work at the dumpling shop? And when did you start a gaming company?"

Namgung Minyoung laughed in his face. "Namgung Jincheon doesn't have any power over us anymore, idiot," she said, sounding amused. "We can do whatever we want this summer."

She was right. Yoo Joonghyuk had never liked his job at the dumpling shop anyway because he wasn't getting paid, but he also didn't want to give up his goal that easily. He was only a few ingredients away from figuring out the complete recipe, and he didn't want to stop now.

Namgung Minyoung clearly noticed his hesitation. "Are you sad because you won’t be getting free dumplings anymore? Don’t worry, I can teach you how to make them yourself."

"You know how to make them?" he asked in wonder. "I thought you were only a waitress."

"Of course I do. My grandmother was the one who invented the recipe, and she passed it to my mother when she died. My mother then taught it to me." There was a faraway look in Namgung Minyoung's eyes, but it was gone as soon as she blinked. "And now I'm passing it to you, Joonghyuk. But only on one condition: you have to call me Teacher."

"Teacher," he said immediately.

“And what do you call Master?”

“...Sahyung?”

“It's sajeo. Good boy.” Her lips curved up into a smile. "Are you done eating? Let's go home."

Namgung Minyoung took him to a PC bang the next morning. Yoo Joonghyuk had only seen one from the outside before, and he was fascinated by the way everyone here was so focused on gaming. He decided that he liked it a lot here.

"You never told me you played video games," he said accusingly. Namgung Minyoung had never expressed any interest in his console, aside from the occasional glance to see what he was up to.

"I don't play handheld console games, only computer ones," she replied, booting up both of their computers. "Hey, have you ever played an MMORPG?"

Yoo Joonghyuk waved his cursor over the myriad colourful icons on the desktop to read their names. "Not really," he admitted.

"There's a lot of money to be earned in these multiplayer games," Namgung Minyoung said wisely. "For example, someone just offered me 20,000 won to get their character to level 50 by the end of the week."

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes widened in shock. 20,000 won was half of what he made in the past year, and she could earn that much in one week? "Is it hard to get to level 50?"

"Why don't you see for yourself? Here are the account details the client gave me." She took a piece of paper out of her pocket and passed it to him. "If you manage to do it by the deadline next Friday, I’ll let you keep the 20,000 won. I've been getting a lot of business recently, and I don't have time to do everything myself..."

He couldn't hear the rest of her sentence over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. If he did this right, then he'd have enough money for a plane ticket before this summer was even over. He wouldn’t have to bide his time for another year. "You have more of these offers, right?" he heard himself asking.

"Yep." Namgung Minyoung smirked at him. "Say, Joonghyuk, do you want to start a gaming company together?"

And thus the company Breaking the Sky Sword, named after Namgung Minyoung's fixation on her family's Murim mythos, was born.

[ To Kim Dokja,

Have you ever been to a PC bang? It's loud and everyone's always smoking. Teacher and I have been spending all our time here during the day. She even convinced the owner to let her bring her dog in here. The dog's name is Master because she says it's a master at eating dumplings and beating other dogs up. I know it's actually short for Breaking the Sky Master, but she won't admit it because she thinks it’s embarrassing. I don’t think it’s that embarrassing.

They sell tea and cup noodles in the PC bang and that's what we have for lunch. Then when we go home, we make dumplings together for dinner. The two of us are going to enter a PvP tournament next week and the grand prize is 300,000 won if we win. I want to win.

I'm starting to forget what your voice sounded like, but it's fine. I'll be back soon.

Yours,

Yoo Joonghyuk ]

"What did you throw in the fire?" Namgung Minyoung called over her shoulder.

He watched as the black writing on the paper was swallowed up by the crackling flames before his eyes, and turned away. "Nothing."

They ate dinner outside in the small courtyard in front of the shack. Yoo Joonghyuk let Master sit in his lap, and fed it dumplings from his palm. It was July now, and over a month had passed since he had arrived here. He was the happiest he had been in a long time. 

Namgung Minyoung finished her dumplings a lot faster than he did and sat at the table drinking rice wine straight from the bottle. "When's your birthday, by the way?" she asked nonchalantly between sips.

"August 3."

Namgung Minyoung paused with the bottle halfway to her lips. "Oh? You should have said something last year then, we could have celebrated it together."

Yoo Joonghyuk pushed around the remaining dumplings on his plate with his chopsticks. "I guess," he mumbled. None of the adults in his life had ever cared about when his birthday was, so he hadn’t even thought of bringing it up.

"You should buy something nice for yourself this year," Namgung Minyoung suggested. "You have what, around 90,000 won now? If you want to buy a GameCube or something for your birthday, I'll make up the difference for whatever you need."

He actually had around 120,000 if he counted the money he made off his classmates. Yoo Joonghyuk stabbed his chopsticks into a dumpling and let go. The chopsticks stayed upright. "I don't want another console," he said in a solemn voice. "I'm going to buy a plane ticket back to Seoul after we win the competition."

It took Namgung Minyoung a minute to properly digest this information. "Joonghyuk," she said slowly, "how much money do you think a plane ticket costs?"

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his mouth to speak, then shut it. He had never properly searched it up, despite having plenty of opportunities to do so in the PC bang. Maybe there was a part of him that didn't want to find out. "100,000 won," he decided.

Namgung Minyoung shook her head. "It's actually closer to 200,000 at this time of year, and that's only for a one-way trip. How are you going to get back to school?"

"I don’t need to buy a round trip because I'm not coming back," Yoo Joonghyuk said through gritted teeth. "I'm going to stay in Seoul once I get there. Either way, I’ll have enough money once we win the competition."

She held his gaze for a few moments before taking a swig from her bottle. "Do you have your passport on you?" she slurred. "You can't board the ferry or a plane without some sort of identification, you know."

“...What?” It was like someone had doused him in cold water. Yoo Joonghyuk's stomach dropped out from under him, and his palms prickled with coldness. No wonder his parents had been so sure back then that there was no way he could escape the island—they had probably planned everything.

Namgung Minyoung set her bottle back on the table with a soft clink. Her eyes glimmered in the fading light of the sun as she watched him. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Joonghyuk."

They didn't win the tournament. 

"I know you wanted to win," she told him later that night, "and I know you thought we would win. I did too. I’m sure we would have if we had more time to practice, so don't take this loss as some kind of sign that you're not good enough to play professionally in the future."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and snuck a glance at her. "How did you know I wanted to be a pro gamer when I grow up?"

"It was obvious," said Namgung Minyoung, smiling at him. "And if anyone can do it, it's you. Promise me you won't give up your dream, okay?"

I'll buy tickets to every single one of your competitions when I grow up.

His next words tasted like ashes on his tongue. "I promise," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

He had already made too many promises he wasn't sure he could keep. Another one couldn't hurt.

The rest of July passed in a haze of cup noodles and lukewarm tea. Yoo Joonghyuk split his time across multiple MMORPGs, killing monster after monster and watching his stats inch upwards until they hit the golden numbers. It was boring. Now that he didn't have a goal to work towards, everything was boring. 

Namgung Minyoung eventually made a friend in a game, and she spent more time talking with him online than she did with Yoo Joonghyuk when they were at the PC bang. It’s not that he was jealous; he was relieved that she finally had a friend her age. But at the same time, he couldn’t help but wish Kim Dokja were here. 

He would never be the only person Namgung Minyoung cared about. Even if Kyrgios didn’t exist (what kind of stupid name was that anyway), there was Master, and the noodle shop owner, and all the staff at the dumpling shop, and even Namgung Jincheon’s family to some extent. But Kim Dokja was different. He was the first and only person in his twelve years of life who had ever loved him. Even if it was a childish love born of loneliness, it was still the first time he had ever felt wanted by someone.

Yoo Joonghyuk went to bed every night thinking about how much he wanted to meet Kim Dokja again. If only he could get off this damned island somehow, he could take the train to Seoul and go find him . What if he tried swimming across the ocean? Or building his own boat? Or what if he snuck onto the ferry somehow and hid in the cargo bay?

“There’s no way you’ll make it across the ocean by yourself,” Namgung Minyoung informed him, crushing his dreams. “And I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly feel up to fishing my disciple’s bloated corpse out of the water. That’s not really my idea of a summer vacation.”

“I’m not going to die,” he said petulantly.

“You don’t know that,” she said, sighing. “Anyway, don’t do anything rash or illegal. We’ll think of another way.”

He didn’t want to wait another year. He wanted to leave, now. He was sick of playing games he couldn’t win and waiting for parents who never came back and hoping desperately that Kim Dokja hadn’t forgotten him already, that it wasn’t too late for them.

But in the end, he was twelve years old and powerless, and there was nothing he could do.

Things came to a head on his 13th birthday, when he was woken up at dawn by a series of gentle slaps to his cheek. "―hyuk. Yoo Joonghyuk. Get up."

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his eyes. Namgung Minyoung's face was hovering above him, and she stepped back once she noticed he was up. 

"Happy birthday. Now hurry up and pack your bags," she said with a wide grin. "We're leaving this afternoon."

Yoo Joonghyuk pulled himself upright and rubbed at his tender cheek with a frown. "Where are we going?"

"To Seoul." The words felt like lightning coursing down his spine, and they burned away the last dregs of sleep in his mind. "I convinced someone to let us hitch a ride on his private boat."

"...You did?" he asked, eyes bright.

"I did." Namgung Minyoung sat down beside him and drew him into a hug. "Let's get out of here, Joonghyuk."

Chapter Text

Namgung Minyoung was talking with the owner of the boat a few metres away. The man said something, she said something back, and then passed a wad of bills to him. He laughed and slipped the bills into his pocket. Yoo Joonghyuk quickly turned around as the two of them headed towards him to pretend like he wasn't eavesdropping on the conversation. Master circled his legs, sniffing curiously at the salty note of seawater in the air. It had probably never been this close to the ocean before.

A hand landed on Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder, and he barely suppressed his jolt of surprise. "Time to go," said Namgung Minyoung. "You got all your stuff?"

He nodded and wordlessly followed her down the dock, head hung low.

"Hwangbo's going to drop us off at Mokpo," she was saying, "and then we can take the bullet train from there to Seoul. If we're lucky and everything goes well, we should get there before midnight. I have a friend who goes to university there, and she said—"

“I’ll pay you back for the trip,” he blurted out. The 121,864 won he had tucked away in an envelope in his suitcase burned like a hot iron on his conscience. He couldn't get the picture of the wad of bills she handed over to the man out of her head.

Namgung Minyoung slapped him on the back. “Keep your petty change, I don't need it,” she snorted. “Hwangbo Bubai’s an old friend of my mother’s and he gave me a discount for the trip.”

“You didn’t have to do this for me,” he muttered under his breath.

“Why are you so embarrassed all of a sudden?” she wondered. “You’re my disciple. Obviously I have to take care of my own.”

"You don't have to do anything for me."

That line earned him a light smack to the head. When he chanced a glance upwards, Namgung Minyoung's expression was stormy. "I want to," she said curtly. "Now shut up and get in the fucking boat, Joonghyuk."

Hwangbo climbed into the boat a few moments later after they settled into their seats. "Everyone got their seatbelts on?" he asked cheerfully. "Just kidding, we don't have seatbelts. Or life jackets. You better tell your little friend to hold on tight, Minyoung, because we're going full speed to Mokpo from here!"

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his mouth to protest that he wasn't little, but Namgung Minyoung slid a hand under his chin and shut his mouth with a click. "Got it, ahjussi," she answered, saluting him. "Let’s hit the road now, shall we?"

"I like your style, Minyoung! Full speed ahead!"

Yoo Joonghyuk was lucky he didn’t get seasick easily, because this was the worst boat ride he had ever been on or would go on. Hwangbo nearly got lost at sea at some point, though he tried to wave it off as ‘let’s take the scenic route for a change, haha’. Yet somehow they managed to get to land safely, and Yoo Joonghyuk was relieved to find himself stepping onto solid ground once again after a grueling five hour trip through the open ocean. His knees almost gave out from under him, and Namgung Minyoung picked him up by the scruff of his neck alongside with Master, who also looked a bit wilted.

"Thank you so much for letting us hitch a ride with you," she said to Hwangbo. They shook hands. "I'll probably call you sometime next week, is that okay?"

Hwangbo gave her a two-fingered salute. "No problem. You kids take care of yourselves and your dog in Seoul, yeah?"

"I'm not a—"

"Have a safe trip back, ahjussi," said Namgung Minyoung.

After bidding Hwangbo goodbye, they made their way to the train station, where they bought two tickets for the next train to Seoul. Yoo Joonghyuk insisted on paying for himself, but Namgung Minyoung shut him down through brute force and they nearly broke into a fistfight in front of the ticket booth. In either case, by 8pm that day, they were sitting in the bullet train well on their way to Seoul. Dogs had to be in a carrier to be allowed on the train and they didn't have one, so Namgung Minyoung hid Master in her backpack and zipped it up every time someone passed by. 

"Are you hungry, Joonghyuk?" she asked, unearthing a bag of misshapen crackers from god knows where. On her lap, Master was sipping from a tiny bottle of yakult with a look of bliss on its furry face. 

"Not really." Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his hand to the glass, marvelling at the blur of the rolling hills outside the window. They were so close.

"By the way, I told Namgung Jincheon you'd be back in time for school before we left."

"Why’d you tell him that? You should've just left that bastard in the dark."

"I had to let him know or they'll think I kidnapped you or something. I'm too beautiful to go to jail."

Yoo Joonghyuk gave her an unimpressed look. “Sure you are.”

"You've got a lot of guts, saying that to your teacher." Namgung Minyoung tapped Master on the head as someone walked down the aisle towards them, and the dog dutifully ducked inside her bag. "Hey, where did you say your little boyfriend lived again?"

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at her, but didn't challenge her assertion. He knew it was a lost cause. "Mapo-gu."

"Huh, that's where Lingling lives too. What's his name?"

"Kim Dokja," said Yoo Joonghyuk, pronouncing the syllables carefully.

Namgung Minyoung raised an eyebrow. "Dokja, like reader?"

"It's not 'reader', it's 'only child'."

"What a lonely name. His parents should've used the hanja for reader instead," she said offhandedly. "Why would you name your kid 'only child'? What if you decide to have another one? Are they gonna retroactively change it or something?"

Namgung Minyoung was always running her mouth about things she didn't have the faintest idea about. Kim Dokja's name was fine.

"Are you pouting?" she chuckled, tilting his chin up to study his face. "Relax, I'm not insulting your Dokja. He sounds like a good kid, and I'm glad you have him as a friend.”

“He is.” Yoo Joonghyuk didn't need Namgung Minyoung's approval, but it did feel weirdly pleasing to hear her say that out loud. His own parents had never cared about Kim Dokja, apart from telling him that he was spending too much time with him when he should be doing his homework instead.

They arrived at Mapo-gu, Seoul at 10:30 pm that night. Namgung Minyoung let Master out of her bag, and it happily trotted down the streets by their side. Some of the passersby seemed alarmed by the fact that it wasn't on a leash, but they were too intimidated by Namgung Minyoung's height to say anything.

Namgung Minyoung shot down Yoo Joonghyuk's suggestion of dropping by Kim Dokja's apartment building ("What are you going to do, stand there menacingly in the dark?"), and herded them to her best friend’s apartment instead. They were going to be staying there temporarily until she found a steady job.

"Lingling and I grew up on Jeju Island together," Namgung Minyoung explained as they waited for the elevator to take them up to the floor Zhuge Lingling lived on. There was a nostalgic tint to her voice. "When we were small, we used to roleplay as Murim masters all the time. We had a whole storyline plotted out and everything: I was the Breaking the Sky Sword Saint, and she was the Ice Flower Goddess. Fun times."

"Ice Flower Goddess is such a lame title," said Yoo Joonghyuk, picking up Master and holding it in his arms.

Namgung Minyoung cuffed him over the back of his head. "I dare you to say that to her face. As far as I know, that's still the online handle she uses." The elevator arrived, and they both stepped in. "She's a student at Yonsei University right now. I think that's one of the SKY universities, right?"

Yoo Joonghyuk grunted an affirmative.

"Just as a heads up, Lingling can be kind of anal about stuff sometimes, but she doesn't mean any harm. So let's both try not to annoy her too much while we're staying with her. Got it?"

Yoo Joonghyuk was offended that she thought he even needed a reminder. "You don't need to state the obvious."

Namgung Minyoung pinched his cheek. "You need to tone down your level of sarcasm by at least half around her."

"I'm never sarcastic."

"That's exactly the kind of sarcasm I'm referring to."

The elevator doors opened on the right floor, and they both got out. It was easy to locate Zhuge Lingling's apartment—the sprigs of fake flowers dangling from her door were the only splashes of colour in the cream-coloured hallway. Namgung Minyoung rapped her knuckles against the flower-laden door. It opened a few seconds later, and a young woman poked her head out. "Minyoung, you're here!"

Namgung Minyoung beamed and pulled her into a hug. "Long time no see, Lingling."

"I know! How many years has it been? Two years? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." Zhuge Lingling's smile slipped a little when her eyes landed on Yoo Joonghyuk. "Is this the kid you said was tagging along? What's his name again, Junhyun?"

"It's Joonghyuk," he said before Namgung Minyoung could answer. "And I'm guessing you're Zhuge Dingding?"

A vein throbbed on Zhuge Lingling's forehead. "It's Lingling, but you can call me noona." She opened the door wider. "Anyway, take off your shoes and come in. There's cake in the fridge if you're hungry."

Namgung Minyoung shot Yoo Joonghyuk a warning glare as she took off her shoes, and he looked away guiltily.

Zhuge Lingling's apartment was covered in flowers and fairy lights. Yoo Joonghyuk had expected that on some level from someone who called herself ‘Ice Flower Goddess’, but it still took his breath away in a cringe-inducing way. Or maybe he was too jaded to appreciate the finer things in life. 

"Is it okay if Joonghyuk and Master sleep in your guest bedroom?" asked Namgung Minyoung, setting their suitcases down on the sleek wooden floor.

Zhuge Lingling frowned. "What about you then?"

"I can sleep on the couch."

"But there's not enough leg room there," Zhuge Lingling protested. "I prepared the guest bedroom especially for you, Minyoung, so you might as well use it. The kid can sleep on the couch, he's shorter."

He wasn’t short, he was still growing. "I don't mind sleeping on the couch," said Yoo Joonghyuk. He absently scratched Master behind the ears.

Namgung Minyoung waved her hand. "Nah, don't worry about it. I sleep pretty late usually, and I'd only keep you guys up if I stayed in one of the bedrooms. Besides, I might even watch a little TV before I go to bed, if that's okay."

Zhuge Lingling narrowed her eyes at Yoo Joonghyuk, who glared back at her defiantly. "Well if you insist, Minyoung," she said begrudgingly. "I guess the kid and the dog can sleep in the guest room."

Pleased with the arrangement, Namgung Minyoung slapped Yoo Joonghyuk on the back. "Go clean yourself and Master up, you guys are all gross and sweaty."

"You're even grosser than we are."

Zhuge Lingling seemed disturbed by the idea of a dirty dog using her shower, but she held her tongue and didn't say anything. 

Yoo Joonghyuk gathered up his clothes and Master and went into the washroom down the hall. After scrubbing Master down and cleaning himself up, he emerged from the washroom with his dirty clothes in one arm and a sleeping dog in the other. Judging by the clock on the wall, it was well past midnight.

"Teacher," he called out as he headed towards the living room, "where do I put my dirty clothes—"

His footsteps faltered as his ears picked up on the sounds of raised voices. After years of living with his parents, he was extremely sensitive to the noise of fighting.

"—never told me you two weren't related or that his parents didn't even know where you were taking him!" Zhuge Lingling was yelling. "I thought he was your little cousin, not a boy you literally kidnapped!"

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake Joonghyuk up."

“Wow, you’re such a saint, Minyoung,” Zhuge Lingling said sarcastically, “taking care of a kid when you can barely take care of yourself.”

“Lingling,” Namgung Minyoung said in a warning tone.

“How can I get it into your head that he's not your responsibility? You don’t have any legal right to him! His parents could easily get you arrested for attempted kidnapping if they found out about your little vacation.”

"Don't worry, I left a note with Namgung Jincheon, and I'll make sure—"

Zhuge Lingling interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. "Minyoung, you never think things through,” she scolded. “Just because you pity him for being abandoned by his parents doesn't mean you should throw away everything for him! You don't even have a stable job. How much money did you already waste on him?!"

"That's enough," Namgung Minyoung thundered. He had never heard her this angry before. "This is my life, and I'll choose what I want to do. Thank you for letting us stay the night, Lingling. We'll pack our bags and leave tomorrow."

"Minyoung—"

The bubble of happiness in Yoo Joonghyuk's chest burst, and he was left with nothing but a sharp coldness inside him. He stood there for a long time listening to them argue in hushed whispers, before he spun around on his heels and headed into the guest bedroom. He closed the door behind him as quietly as he could, and crawled into bed with Master in his arms. 

It took him a long time to fall asleep that night.

The next morning when Yoo Joonghyuk woke up, Namgung Minyoung had already packed up all of their stuff and was waiting for him in the living room. Zhuge Lingling was nowhere to be seen. 

"Hey, Joonghyuk.” There were dark circles under her eyes, and she was holding Master in her arms. "Turns out Lingling's parents are visiting her this week, so we're going to have to move bases. I found a place near here for us to stay, though it's not as nice as Lingling’s apartment."

She wasn't nearly as good of a liar as she thought she was, or maybe he just knew her well enough by now to be able to tell. "It’s okay. I'll get my stuff."

They dragged their suitcases back out the front door, less than twelve hours since they arrived here. Namgung Minyoung found a long garland of fake flowers lying around and tied it around Master's neck in a makeshift leash. 

"We're leaving now, Lingling. Take care," she called out. There was no reply. Namgung Minyoung smiled bitterly to herself as she closed the door with a click. "Never mind then. Let's go, Joonghyuk."

‘Not as nice as Lingling’s apartment’ turned out to be a huge understatement. The new place Namgung Minyoung rented for them was dark, cramped, and only had one bed. It was one of those cheap dormitories rented out to students who were preparing for their examinations. There was mold growing in the corners of the room, and a fine layer of dust over the furniture. When they lugged their suitcases into the room, there was barely any room left for them to stand.

"I'll sleep on the floor," said Namgung Minyoung.

"I can sleep on the floor," Yoo Joonghyuk argued, "you should take the bed. There’s not enough room on the floor for you anyway."

Namgung Minyoung patted his head comfortingly. "Knowing you, you won't be able to fall asleep on a dirty floor like this one. It's fine, I can put the chair on top of the desk and lie underneath it."

"I said I can—"

"Joonghyuk." Namgung Minyoung's eyes were unreadable. "Don't argue about this with me. Please."

His heart clenched in his chest. "...Okay."

They hid the bulk of their money in a loose floorboard under the bed before grabbing their things and heading out. It took them a while to find the right neighbourhood because two years had passed since he was last there, but finally they found themselves standing at the foot of the Kim Dokja's apartment building. It was even dingier than he remembered.

"Go on then," said Namgung Minyoung, nudging him with her elbow. "You said he lived on one of the higher floors, right? Go up there and knock on every door if you have to until you find him."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t move. From what he knew about Kim Dokja's father, he probably wouldn't take too kindly to some random kid knocking on his door in the middle of the day. Besides, there was no guarantee that Kim Dokja was even home. He knew his friend used to spend most of his time on the weekends at the library or the park before he met him.

"I'll just wait here for him," he replied. He backed up a few steps and sat down on the curb pointedly. 

Namgung Minyoung snorted in amusement. "Do whatever you want, Romeo. Or should I call you Yi Mongryong?" She dragged a hand through her hair. "Anyway, I'll be at the PC bang we passed by on our way here if you need me, I have a few jobs I need to finish."

"I know you just want to talk to Kyrgios."

"Shut up.” She passed him Master's leash. "Here, take your sajeo with you. She can protect you if anything goes wrong. Do you have enough money for lunch?"

He nodded.

"Good." Namgung Minyoung tried to pat him on the head again, but Yoo Joonghyuk ducked out of her reach. "Don't get yourself kidnapped or arrested, okay? I'll be back at sundown."

And so he sat there and waited. And waited. And waited. Yoo Joonghyuk watched as the sun climbed into the middle of the sky, then descended back beneath the horizon. People came and went, but none of them were the person he wanted to see.

Namgung Minyoung came back to find him when it was starting to get dark. "Did you even have lunch, or did you sit here all day sulking?" she demanded, taking a puff of her cigarette.

"I fed sajeo beef jerky and water."

"That's not what I was asking, I know you always take good care of her." She let out a deep sigh. "Come on, Joonghyuk. I’ll buy you dinner."

They went to a shabby pizza place for dinner. Namgung Minyoung got into a brief argument with the owner about bringing her dog in the restaurant, but the fight was over the minute she stood up to her full height. Meanwhile, Yoo Joonghyuk picked at his pizza and barely ate anything. All he could think about was how Kim Dokja never showed up. What if he had moved away, or his parents had sent him to boarding school too? What if he was too late?

"No offense to your friend," said Namgung Minyoung, "but there's no way his parents can afford boarding school if they live in a building like that. Chin up, Joonghyuk. You've got all week to find him."

Namgung Minyoung had somehow worked her magic on this new PC bang owner (he suspected there was physical violence involved), and no one batted an eye when they brought Master inside with them after dinner to replenish their funds online. But Yoo Joonghyuk's heart wasn't in it, and he could barely concentrate enough to beat the party quests needed to farm equipment for their clients. Kyrgios eventually got fed up by his lacklustre performance and killed him in-game, and he couldn't even bring himself to kill him back through the haze of disappointment clouding his mind. 

The next few days passed in almost the same way. They got up early, ate at an unsanitary breakfast stand on the streets, then parted ways in front of Kim Dokja's apartment. Namgung Minyoung would come pick him up at dusk, and after having dinner they would both go to the PC bang to work.

After days of continuous disappointment, Yoo Joonghyuk decided to be more proactive and moved to sit in the stairwell of the apartment building. He and Master got a lot of dirty looks and reprimands from nosy ahjummas for blocking the way, but he refused to budge. 

On the fourth day, a woman walked up to him with a smile. "Are you looking for someone in this building?" she asked, rocking her sleeping baby in her arms. "If you tell me their name, maybe I can let them know you're here."

Yoo Joonghyuk paused. He didn't have a good track record with adults, which was why he had never asked someone else for help before now. But this woman was one of the few inhabitants of the apartment building who had never yelled at him for being a nuisance, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to speak with her.

"I'm looking for Kim Dokja," he said carefully. "He's around my age, and should be in his first year of middle school. He lives with his parents."

"Kim Dokja...Hm, sorry, but I don't think I've heard of that name before," she replied. "Do you happen to know the name of his mother? Or which floor he lives on?"

"He lives on one of the higher floors.” Yoo Joonghyuk racked his brain for the details of what Kim Dokja had told him about his life. "He doesn't have any siblings, and his mother always works night shifts." He probably shouldn’t be saying this, but he was getting kind of desperate. “His father gets into fights with his neighbours a lot, I'm sure you've heard of him before. Their family's pretty well-known in the neighbourhood.”

The woman's face had gone white. She swallowed. "Is his mother's name Lee Sookyung?"

"I'm not sure.”

"Wait here and don’t move, I'll be right back." She disappeared into the stairwell, and he could hear her hurried footsteps heading up the stairs. 

For the first time since he found Kim Dokja's apartment building, Yoo Joonghyuk allowed himself to hope. Master placed its small paws on his shoes, almost as if he were praying with him.

But the woman didn't return for five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen… Just when his expression was turning sour, she came running down the stairs again. The baby in her hands had been replaced by a newspaper. "Here," she panted, passing the paper to him, "I think you need to read this. It's the article on the front page."

Yoo Joonghyuk gingerly took it from her hands. There were some water stains on the newspaper and its edges had been yellowed by age, but the article on the front page and the picture of the smiling woman beside it were still visible.

[ WIFE MURDERS ABUSIVE HUSBAND

Police arrested a 32-year-old woman in Mapo-gu, Seoul, for the murder of her husband, Kim ■■, 35.

Lee Sookyung was charged with first degree murder, and confessed to planning the death of her husband after enduring years of domestic abuse at his hands. Lee called the police herself after her husband bled out on the floor of their apartment, and admitted to stabbing him with a kitchen knife in front of their son, 12. 

This wasn't the first time police were called to the couple's apartment ... ] 

He didn't know how he managed to finish reading the article. When he looked up again, there was pity in the woman's eyes. "Sorry," she said quietly. "I wasn't sure if...I'm sorry. You can keep the newspaper."

He was too late.

"What's wrong?" Namgung Minyoung asked him when she picked them up that night.

Yoo Joonghyuk passed her the newspaper. Her expression didn't change while she was reading it, and after a few minutes she set the newspaper down with a light exhale. 

"Is it him?" she asked. Master barked when Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately respond, and she seemed to understand.

A warm hand gently brushed the hair off his forehead. "Let's have dumplings for dinner today," said Namgung Minyoung. She put her arm around his shoulder, and gently led him down the streets towards the shops. The streetlights glowed yellow in the fading light, and the neon signs lit up one by one as they passed them. Night fell in Seoul.

"This doesn't mean you should give up on finding him.” They were sitting in a booth at a small Chinese restaurant she found. "I'm sure he's still out there somewhere, waiting to meet you again. How about this,” she said, snapping her fingers. “I’ll come with you tomorrow, and we can ask his neighbours if they know the name of his relatives. We can also go to the police station and see if they have any leads. By the way, did you catch the nice lady's name today? Or which apartment she lives in?"

He shook his head and poked at the dumpling on his plate with his chopstick. He didn’t have an appetite.

"That's alright, I'm sure we can find someone else willing to talk to us. We can also ask the convenience store owners near the apartment if they know anything; you'd be surprised at how much gossip they manage to pick up. We'll figure something out, Joonghyuk," she told him. "We always do."

She was right. He wasn't going to give up this easily, not when he had gotten this far.

Over the next few days, they went to the apartment building and knocked on every single door there. Most of the inhabitants either weren't home or refused to talk to them, and the ones who did speak with them barely had any useful information. All they could gather was this: Kim Dokja was still alive, and he had probably gone to stay with a distant relative of his.

"I think his father had a cousin or a sibling, something like that," said Kim Dokja's next door neighbour, rubbing his chin in thought. "I remember a few years ago they went to go visit them during the holidays."

"Do you know which province they were from?" Namgung Minyoung pressed. 

"I’ve got no idea. You see, none of us were ever close to that family...the mother was always working, and the father was a real piece of work..." 

Namgung Minyoung took a deep breath in. "Thank you for speaking with us,” she said, handing him a few bills.

"No problem."

The door of the apartment that used to belong to Kim Dokja was tightly shut, and he could see faint marks on the metal door the barricade tape had left. Namgung Minyoung took his hand in hers and gently led him down the stairs. Yoo Joonghyuk kept turning his head around and looking at the closed door, until it disappeared completely from view.

They went to the police station next, but they couldn't release private information about the victim's family to strangers. 

"I'm sorry, but even if I know you guys don't mean any harm, it's still against policy to share this information," said the officer, sounding apologetic. 

"It's okay, we understand." Namgung Minyoung tugged lightly on Yoo Joonghyuk's arm. "Let's go."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't budge. "How was he?" he asked the officer. "When Kim Dokja left, did he look okay?"

"...I'm sure your friend is in a much better situation now than he was before."

"You didn't answer my question," he said accusingly. “Or are you going to tell me that’s also ‘private information we can’t release’?” 

"Alright, time to go." Namgung Minyoung picked him up and flung him over her shoulder, ignoring his angry demands for her to put him down. "Stop harassing the police, they have work to do."

“It was just a question!”

That night, Namgung Minyoung bought them cup noodles from a nearby convenience store, and they sat side by side on the bed in their room to eat them. Master was lying on its back on the sheets, chewing on a toy one of Kim Dokja's neighbours was kind enough to give them.

"Let's go visit Dokja’s school next," Yoo Joonghyuk said, furrowing his brows, "or his mother's workplace. Or we could go to Incheon, didn't the news reports say his father grew up in Incheon? We might get a lead there." 

Namgung Minyoung didn't respond. He realized belatedly that she had been quiet the whole day, like there was something on her mind. She was holding the new cellphone she had bought that afternoon in her hands and absently flipping the cover up and down.

"I can go by myself if you're busy," he suggested, "I know you have work to do. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself."

Namgung Minyoung pressed her lips together with a frown. "It's August 13th today, Joonghyuk.”

"So?"

"It's time for you to head back to Jeju Island."

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean?” 

"I already contacted Hwangbo. He's going to be picking you up at the port in Mokpo tomorrow," she said, sounding slightly hesitant for the first time in her life. "I was going to tell you earlier, but with everything that happened, I never found the opportunity to."

Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth went dry. "What about you?" he croaked. “Are you coming with me?”

"...I'm staying in Seoul."

"Will I have to go back to staying with Namgung Jincheon during the summer then?"

"I don't know, that’s up to your parents," Namgung Minyoung replied, running her hands through Master's fur. "I know this isn't what you thought was going to happen. I’m sorry."

"Let me stay with you," he pleaded, grabbing her arm. "I promise I won't get in your way. No one knows where we are in Seoul, so just don't send me back and let me stay here with you. Call Hwangbo and tell him we don't need him anymore. Call him! Namgung Minyoung.”

Namgung Minyoung didn't say anything for a long time, and his heart sank through his stomach.

“So you’re abandoning me too,” he said coldly, vision blurring with unshed tears.

She sighed. “Joonghyuk, you’re basically asking me to kidnap you. That's illegal."

“It wouldn’t be a kidnapping if I agreed to it!”

“Your parents would never agree.”

Yoo Joonghyuk let out a mocking laugh. "So what? They don't care about me. They won't even miss me if I disappear."

"What do you think is going to happen if you stay with me, Joonghyuk?" she asked quietly. "You won't be able to enroll in school since you don't have any ID on you, and we'd be on the run from the police all the time. It wouldn’t be much of a life at all."

"I don't care," he spat out, chest heaving from anger. "I'm much happier with you than I am with them. If this is about what Zhuge Lingling said, she's wrong. I can make money too, and I'll pay you back everything I owe you. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, and I promise I won't get into trouble anymore." 

"I didn't change my mind because of her. This was always going to happen," Namgung Minyoung replied. "I don't regret our time together or anything that I did for you, but I will never be able to forgive myself if I took away a future you could have had." Her voice was softer now. "I don't want you to starve or sleep on the dirty floor or have to work all day just to pay your bills, Joonghyuk. Not like me. You deserve so much more than that."

“But I need you,” he said, voice breaking. 

"Go back to Jeju Island, Joonghyuk.” Namgung Minyoung’s eyes glimmered in the dim lamp light; she looked heartbreakingly young. "Finish middle school first before you decide anything. If you realize you don’t want to be a pro gamer anymore, then study hard and go to university and live the life you want to live. Your parents are assholes, but they gave you an advantage not many people have. I would have killed for the opportunities you have when I was your age."

Yoo Joonghyuk rubbed the back of his hands over his eyes. He knew logically that there was no way he could stay with her without getting them both into trouble, but he couldn’t forgive her. The guilt of not being there for Kim Dokja and the crushing disappointment of being left behind again swelled in his chest, and condensed into the first stirrings of hatred. 

“Here, take my number.” Namgung Minyoung unfurled his fist and pressed a piece of paper into it. “I won’t change it, so you can call me whenever you want.” She lifted up the corners of her mouth into a faint smile. “And if you're ever in Seoul, you can come find me. I'll keep an eye out for Kim Dokja for you.”

It was a sunny day when Yoo Joonghyuk headed back to Jeju Island. As he stood there on the wooden dock, gazing out at the shimmering waters, he felt as though all the colours in the world had lost their shine.

"Is Minyoung not coming with you?" asked Hwangbo, glancing behind him curiously.

"She's staying in Seoul," he said dully.

“That makes sense. She always had big dreams, haha." Hwangbo helped Yoo Joonghyuk get into his tiny boat and turned on the engine.

Soon, the South Korean mainland was nothing more than a speck in the distance. Namgung Minyoung, Kim Dokja, all of them were gone, and he was alone.

"You're in middle school this year, right?” asked Hwangbo, clearly trying to fill the awkward silence with his blatherings. “Do you like school? How do you like the island?"

"Yes."

"How old are you again?" 

"Thirteen."

"You got any siblings at home?"

Yoo Joonghyuk reminded himself not to be rude towards someone who could easily dump his body in the ocean without anyone ever knowing. "No."

"Minyoung doesn't have any siblings either," said Hwangbo, shaking his head sadly. "Poor girl. Her father never even married Minyoung's mother, can you believe it? This was back in the 80's too, and Namgung Jincheon's branch of the family threw a huge hissy fit about it. Man, I still remember the drama, everyone was talking about it for weeks."

"Should you really be telling me—"

"Minyoung's mother died giving birth to her little brother when she was seven, and her father fucked off somewhere and died soon afterwards." Hwangbo stroked his beard, looking him up and down. "Come to think of it, if the baby had lived, he would have been the same age as you right now. What a coincidence!"

The engine roared, and the boat rocked violently to the side. Hwangbo swore and hastily swerved to the right, spraying water all over them.

Yoo Joonghyuk's voice sounded foreign to his ears when he opened his mouth. "Her brother would have been thirteen this year?"

"What'd you say?" Hwangbo shouted over the sound of the engine.

“...It’s nothing.” So that's what he was: a replacement. Good enough for a few months of fun and games, but not good enough to be part of her future. Zhuge Lingling was right; she had only been wasting her time with him. 

Yoo Joonghyuk took out the piece of paper Namgung Minyoung had given him from his pocket. After staring at it for a few seconds, he crumpled it up into a ball and threw it into the water. It landed without a splash, and was swallowed up by the blue waters in the blink of an eye. He didn’t need her anymore.

[ To Kim Dokja, ]

He didn't know what to say.

[ I'm sorry. ]

Kim Dokja's mother, Namgung Minyoung—they had all betrayed their trust. They only had each other left now, and Yoo Joonghyuk swore he was definitely going to keep his promise no matter what. And he would do it without Namgung Minyoung's help this time.

"I heard from Jincheon-ahjussi that you spent all of this summer at a PC bang," his mother said over the phone. She sounded disgusted. "Really, Yoo Joonghyuk? You should be ashamed of yourself. You could have spent this summer studying ahead and preparing for your middle school courses, but instead you chose to slip back into your old habits. Not to mention how disrespectful you were towards Jincheon-ahjussi—"

"If I rank first in my grade this year, would you let me go back to Seoul for summer break?" he interrupted.

"Placing first in your grade is something you should always be aiming for, not something that merits a reward."

"But would you?" he asked calmly. "I know you guys still keep an apartment in Seoul, so it’s not like you’re going out of your way for me. If I don't bother you at work or cause any trouble for you, does it really matter if I spend my summer on Jeju or in Seoul?"

"I'll think about it," his mother replied after a pause. "I better not get any reports of you bullying other kids this year, you understand?"

"I understand."

Getting top marks in his subjects wasn't that hard if he put in the work, and he did. Yoo Joonghyuk spent almost every waking hour and many sleeping ones reciting formulas, doing practice problems, and coming up with creative ways to cheat. He also refined his previous skill of guessing which topics were going to be on a test, which came in handy for the more scientific subjects. He even managed to do well in Korean class by a combination of making up sob stories for his essays and outright cheating. 

Yet no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't consistently dethrone the reigning Queen of Middle School Year 1: Min Jiwon. Through expensive tutoring and blatant favouritism, she was always rank #1 in their grade.

The boarding school was filled with children from rich or influential families, whose parents thought the gilded emblem of an elite boarding school complemented their statuses perfectly. This was part of the reason why his parents had sent him here in the first place; they wanted him to make useful connections with the future upper class of South Korea. 

Min Jiwon was at the very top of this social hierarchy, and all the boys and half the girls in their class were in love with her beauty or her wealth or both. But none of her admirers stood a chance, because the Queen's heart already belonged to someone unobtainable. 

Both hormones and emotions ran high in confined spaces, especially when the people involved were teenagers. While everyone else in middle school was developing crushes or getting into relationships, Yoo Joonghyuk remained uninterested in anyone or anything. He didn't like any of the girls, and to his surprise, he liked the boys even less. He would never feel for another boy the same way he felt for Kim Dokja ever again; Kim Dokja was, and always would be, the exception.

"Joonghyuk-ssi." Yoo Joonghyuk looked up with a blank expression, and saw Min Jiwon standing in front of his table in the library with a sly smile. "Can I study with you?"

He knew Min Jiwon and some of the other girls in his class liked him, but he had no idea why. What was there to like? He looked back down at his textbook. "I'm studying alone." 

Min Jiwon seemed to take this as an invitation, because she pulled out the chair beside him and sat down happily, cheeks pink. "Well, not anymore! I can keep you company." 

Yoo Joonghyuk contemplated packing up his books and leaving, but that was too much of a hassle. So he turned his attention back to his work and tried to ignore her instead. However, he should have known that Min Jiwon would never allow herself to be ignored. 

Sure enough, she placed a delicate hand on his shoulder and leaned in. He could smell her flowery perfume, and he wrinkled his nose and resisted the urge to sneeze. "Joonghyuk-ssi, can you help me with History?” she asked. “All the dates and places always confuse me."

Yoo Joonghyuk was about to tell her to get her hands off him and get the fuck away from him, when he realized something. History was by far Min Jiwon's weakest subject, and if she did badly enough on it during their end of term exams, it would pull down her average enough for him to rank first. Even if it was only December and these weren't their final rankings, it would still undoubtedly please his parents and make them more likely to accept his deal.

"Which part do you need help with?" he asked smoothly.

Min Jiwon practically radiated satisfaction as she opened up her textbook and showed him. "I don't know why, but I always misremember the events surrounding the Later Three Kingdoms period. Do you have any tips on how to study for the exam?"

Yoo Joonghyuk scanned the page quickly and made up his mind. "Silla was the strongest country in the Later Three Kingdoms, and that's the most important thing you have to remember."

"O-Oh." Min Jiwon faltered. "Really? It was?"

"Of course it was," he said, tilting up the corners of his lips into what he knew was a good-looking smile. "Trust me. Now, about Silla..."

Min Jiwon didn't fail her History exam--there was no way teachers would fail her, but she did badly enough on it that her ranking fell to fourth. He knew she would react strongly to her failure, but even he didn't expect to get slapped for causing it.

"You're so, so—insufferable!" she said angrily. "You sabotaged me on purpose!"

Yoo Joonghyuk rubbed his reddened cheek with an unimpressed look on his face. He didn't care that she was mad, only that he'd managed to rank first. "I didn't know you were dumb enough to fall for it. Did you not double-check with the textbook at all?"

"You—!"

"Come on, Jiwon-ah," one of her friends said soothingly, trying to hold her back from hitting him again. "The year's not over yet, you can get him back next term. There's no point getting mad at a jerk like him, you’d just be wasting your time."

"My mother said she would buy me the necklace I wanted this Christmas if I placed first, and now Yoo Joonghyuk's gone and ruined everything for me!" she complained, gesturing angrily at him. 

"There, there.” Her friend turned to him with a scowl. “Yoo Joonghyuk. Apologize to Jiwon-ah immediately."

Yoo Joonghyuk leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "Make me."

"Do you really think you'll be able to get away with this?" the girl sneered. "Jiwon-ah's mother is the Superintendent General, and if she hears about what you did to her and how you stole everyone's money last year, she'll throw you in jail!"

Min Jiwon winced at the glaring inaccuracy of her friend's words. "I don't think my mother manages cases herself, actually..."

“But still! You should convince her to do something about this bastard, he never even returned my boyfriend’s money!”

Yoo Joonghyuk took a moment to digest the information she had given. He never knew Min Jiwon’s mother was a high-ranking official in the police department. Did she have access to case files like Kim Dokja's, for example? There was no way the officers could stop her from seeing ‘private information we can’t release’, was there? 

If only he could convince her to ask her mother about it… When Yoo Joonghyuk looked at Min Jiwon again, he was no longer seeing her, but rather the woman behind her and her web of influence. How could he have been so stupid? The answer was in front of his eyes all along.

Yoo Joonghyuk's chair scraped against the ground as he stood up and walked over Min Jiwon, who narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "Sorry," he said, coming to a stop in front of her. "The history thing was a joke. I just wanted to tease you a little."

"Tease...me?" she repeated slowly. “You made me fail the exam because you wanted to tease me?” 

Her friends exchanged confused looks. 

"Of course. I’m sorry I took it too far though." Channeling the essence of Namgung Minyoung, Yoo Joonghyuk stepped forward and slung an arm around her shoulder, ignoring her squeak of surprise. "Come on, Jiwon-ssi. I'll buy you a drink from the vending machine as an apology. Will you forgive me?"

When her face turned red, he knew he had won.

In the span of a few months, Yoo Joonghyuk successfully infiltrated Min Jiwon's social circle. There were lots of upsides to his new connections: none of his roommates bothered him anymore, and the teachers let him get away with much more than usual. The one downside was the fact that Min Jiwon seemed to think his friendliness meant he liked her back, and kept dropping hints that he should ask her out. Yoo Joonghyuk could only feign ignorance and casually excuse himself whenever she brought the subject up. He was glad she was too prideful to make the first move, because he couldn't be held accountable for what he might say to her if she confessed to him.

Like many children her age who had never suffered a rainy day in their lives, Min Jiwon was morbidly fascinated by true crime and the suffering of others. Her moher told her a lot more about some cases than she probably should have, and she delighted in relaying the information to her subordinates and watching them squirm. Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't interested in hearing about other people's lives, but he still put up with her tall tales in order to get in her good graces.

It was unusually warm that spring, and everyone was enjoying their last months of freedom before they had to start studying for final exams. When Yoo Joonghyuk made his way to their classroom, Min Jiwon was seated in her chair in the middle of the room, holding court with her usual entourage. She looked up at the sound of the door sliding open and brightened at the sight of him. 

"Over here, Joonghyuk-ssi!” she called, patting the chair next to her. “I was just telling everyone about this big case back in Seoul, and I think you might be interested."

He begrudgingly made his way over to her and sat down in the spot she saved for him. 

Min Jiwon turned to him and smiled. "Joonghyuk-ssi, did you hear about the Underground Killer?"

Chapter Text

"Here's the book you asked for," said Min Jiwon. She handed it to him with both hands in a perfect 45 degree bow, the very picture of respect.

"What did your mother tell you about the Lee Sookyung case?" he asked impassively.

"Not much. Just that it happened three years ago—"

"Two," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"What?"

"It happened two years ago."

"Oh. Right. And, uh, the book was published last fall. She doesn't know where the boy currently lives though." She gulped when she noticed the dark look on his face. "I can ask her again, but she really only knows about the bigger cases."

"Do you usually take a private boat home during the summer holidays?" he asked instead.

"No? I usually take the plane. I get seasick easily, so..."

"A private plane?"

"...A normal one."

"You're dismissed.”

She nodded, turned around, and immediately ran off.

Two weeks had passed since his infamous outburst in the classroom, and his classmates were still walking on eggshells around him. His reputation was even worse than last year, and it now included rumours of his supposed mental instability. None of it mattered to him.

Yoo Joonghyuk went back to his room. One of his roommates was lounging on a chair in front of his desk, and he looked up in alarm when he approached.

 "Get out,” he told him.

His roommate didn't need to be told twice. He hastily gathered up his books and disappeared out the door, sneaking fearful looks at Yoo Joonghyuk over his shoulder.

Yoo Joonghyuk sat down on his bed and stared at the blank wall across the room for a long time. Then, he opened the book and flipped to the first page. Kim Dokja was never referred to by name, but his presence was in every word and every line. It was suffocating. He threw the book across the room and covered his face with his hands, breathing raggedly.

In the end, he never read it.

"Keep your eyes on your papers.” The teacher’s footsteps stopped in front of his desk. "What's that on your calculator screen, Yoo Joonghyuk?"

Yoo Joonghyuk met his gaze straight on. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Pass it here—I'm telling you to pass me your calculator, NOW." The teacher ripped it out of his hands. "What are the rest of you kids looking at?" he demanded, whirling around to glare at everyone else. "Keep writing your exams!"

He messed up. There had been too many things on his mind recently, and he lost far too much sleep to think clearly.

"I know what you're trying to do," the principal told him. "Do you really think getting expelled will solve all your problems? Don't be naive, it's your own future that you're ruining here.”

It wasn't a future he wanted anyway.

“As your father's best friend, I can’t watch you self-destruct before my eyes. Go back to your dormitory, Yoo Joonghyuk, and think about what you’ve done."

His name was withdrawn from the rankings due to academic misconduct. His parents were understandably displeased, and he didn't even have to listen to what they were saying to know that everything was over. He would be left to rot on Jeju Island until high school graduation, and maybe even after that.

It wasn't hard to locate Hwangbo. All he had to do was follow the trail of grumpy bar owners complaining about unpaid tabs. The man was sitting on the port overlooking the ocean and drinking a bottle of rice wine when Yoo Joonghyuk found him.

"Oh, hey," greeted Hwangbo, raising his hand in a wave. "Looks like you grew a lot taller over the past year."

Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't in the mood for jokes, much less ones about his height. "How much do I have to pay you for you to take me to Mokpo again?"

Hwangbo choked on his mouthful of wine and spat it out. He hastily wiped his hand over his mouth. "What?"

"I said, how much does it cost for you to take me to Mokpo on your boat."

"Ah...haha." Hwangbo scratched his head. "Sorry, but I actually just sent my boat in for repairs. I crashed it a few weeks ago on this one absolutely wild night when I was out at sea—”

"When will you get your boat back?"

"Uh...in two months?"

Two months was too long. Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his lips together in frustration. "Do you know who else on this island owns a private boat?"

"Two months isn't that long a wait," Hwangbo argued. "Why don't you want to spend your summer on Jeju? It's a lovely island. How about this, I'll take you to Mokpo in August for 200,000 won. You won't get a price like this anywhere else!"

"I'm asking you who else owns a private boat. Are you going to answer or not?”

Hwangbo flinched at the intensity of his glare and muttered grumpily, "Zhuge Ming and Murong Fu also own boats. But I can tell you now, Zhuge Ming's petty as hell, there's no way he'll—"

Yoo Joonghyuk left before he could finish his sentence. 

He had realized when he heard the name Zhuge that this probably wouldn't work out, and he was right. The head of the Zhuge family took one look at him, realized he was Namgung Jincheon's ward and the brat who pissed off his daughter, and refused to even listen to him. However, Murong was a lot more receptive to Yoo Joonghyuk's offer. The two of them came to an agreement that he would take him to the mainland for 100,000 won in two weeks, since he was heading there to restock supplies anyway.

After a year, the media attention on the Underground Killer case finally died down. Occasional articles about the case shifted their focus from the specific people involved to the issue of domestic violence in general, as well as the growing movements to spread awareness. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't give a shit about any of that—all he cared about was the fact that he was no closer to finding Kim Dokja's exact whereabouts than he was before.

There were occasional pictures of Kim Dokja online, but his face and details were all censored in them for his privacy. Yoo Joonghyuk was furious; if they truly wanted to respect his privacy then they shouldn't have taken those photos in the first place, and if they were going to take them anyway then they might as well unblur them so he can see his face.

While mainstream media was still putting up a facade of respecting the victim's family, internet forums had no such reservations. There were numerous accounts on forums and personal blogs by people claiming to know the relatives Kim Dokja was staying with, and although most of them were fake, Yoo Joonghyuk took them all seriously. He would note down which users mentioned they knew the family, and if possible, stalk the other posts on their profile or blog until he found a landmark he could try to locate. It was tiring, but it was the only option he had.

He  finally managed to narrow down the list of possible districts Kim Dokja lived in to three, but there were over 40 middle schools in these areas. He would need to do some groundwork himself once he arrived in Seoul, and if he still couldn’t find him, then he’d save up to pay for a private detective.

When Yoo Joonghyuk went to give Murong the amount they agreed on two weeks later, however, his hopes were dashed. "What do you mean you can't take me anymore?"

"Jincheon told me everything. Listen, I'm not going to help you run away from your parents. That’s not the kind of person I am." 

"I'll pay you more," he tried.

"Go speak to your parents if you're so eager to get off the island, I'm sure they'll understand. And if they don’t, well, then you should listen to them and stay put. Kids these days, I swear..."

He tried asking other fishermen on the island, but they had also caught wind of Namgung Jincheon’s threats and turned him down. And so here he was, standing in front of Hwangbo again two weeks later. 

"You should have just trusted your Hwangbo-ahjussi and had more patience." The man shook his head in mock sadness.

"I'm sorry," he said through gritted teeth. "We can leave in August once you get your boat back."

"Murong did have a point though, I don’t want to get into trouble with the law if something happens to you in Seoul,” Hwangbo mused. “Besides, Namgung Jincheon went around telling everyone about how you’re a runaway, and if you disappear on him during the summer, it’ll make both of us look bad.”

Yoo Joonghyuk would murder Namgung Jincheon with his bare hands if he knew he could get away with it. 

“You kids are allowed to go home for school holidays, right?” Hwangbo continued. “We can leave in the fall, just come up with an excuse for your school to cover our asses. Say you’re going on vacation with a friend or something. And you have to swear you won’t run away on me, I don’t want to deal with any of that kidnapping bullshit.”

"I swear." He didn't actually plan on coming back once he left the island, but Hwangbo didn't need to know that. 

Hwangbo regarded him shrewdly for a second. "By the way, it's 200,000 each way," he said with a grin, "so it's 400,000 won for a round trip."

He had to remind himself there was no way Hwangbo could sail a boat with a black eye and concussion. "I'll have the money ready a week before we leave,” he said, mentally adding Hwangbo to the list of people he wanted dead.

(The previous number one person on that list was already dead.)

Yoo Joonghyuk spent every waking hour of the rest of summer in the PC bang. He managed to strike a deal with the owner, and took over Namgung Minyoung's place as the local boosting service and in-game assassin. But try as he might, he only had around 250,000 won in total by the time school started up again. With that in mind, he decided to ask for outside assistance.

"Lend me 200,000 won.”

It took Min Jiwon a whole minute to process the ridiculous demand. "200,000 won?! Joonghyuk-ssi, I really don't get that much allowance," she said in despair. "My parents only give me money during New Year's—"

"Go borrow money from your subordinates then. Or pawn your jewelry."

Min Jiwon's face contorted in pain. "Yoo Joonghyuk-nim..."

"You never paid me back for tutoring you in History last year," he said with a straight face. "Do you know what that means?"

"W-What does it mean?" 

"It means you owe me,” he replied. “This is just a temporary loan, Min Jiwon, and it doesn't even have to be 200,000 won, 150,000 will do."

“...”

“You don’t have to lend me the money, but if I were you, I would.”

Min Jiwon was either lying or severely overestimated how strict her parents were, because she had the 150,000 won ready in less than a week. But before Yoo Joonghyuk could sneak out of school and meet with Hwangbo, his blackmailing of Min Jiwon—though it wasn’t really blackmail, more like implied threats—were exposed by an anonymous whistleblower.

The school staff broke into his dormitory and uncovered the money he had hidden in a ceiling tile along with an untouched copy of Underground Killer. They confiscated both the loan he got from Min Jiwon, and another 100,000 won that was rightfully his in the name of returning the money to the students he scammed last year. It was a good thing he never stored everything in one place, otherwise he would have been bankrupted. Min Jiwon avoided him in the hallways for weeks after the incident for fear of retribution, but he was too busy to deal with her. 

Sneaking out of school wasn’t hard at all now that he was tall enough to hop the fence. "I'll give you half the amount you wanted right now and the rest once we reach Mokpo,” he said to Hwangbo when they met up in their agreed spot three days before they were due to leave.

Hwangbo laughed in his face. "Either pay me 400,000 won upfront, or the deal is off."

"I'll pay you back in installments—"

"I'm not stupid, I know that kind of shit never works out." Hwangbo’s chuckle died in his throat as he noticed Yoo Joonghyuk’s expression. "I mean, there's the school holidays next spring and next fall. I'm sure you'll have the money ready by then, right? You’re a smart kid."

He knew this was extortion, but there was nothing he could do but grit his teeth and bear it. The police found him one day later in the PC bang, and reprimanded the owner for enabling Yoo Joonghyuk’s internet addiction. The owner had no choice but to agree to ban him from it for the rest of the school year.

It didn’t matter what they did, because Yoo Joonghyuk couldn’t concentrate enough to study anyway. The thought of meeting Kim Dokja again was the only thing that kept him going on some days, when everything seemed so utterly pointless. He didn’t want to be late again. He wasn’t going to be late—

Summer came. He didn’t have enough money until the very end of August, so they set a date for September. 

“We’ll leave on the first day, and I’ll wait for you on the last day of your break in Mokpo to head back together,” said Hwangbo, counting the money with a satisfied grin. “That sound good to you?”

“Yes.”

Over the months, Yoo Joonghyuk had grown tired. His initial rage and frustration had petered out as the days dragged on and on, and he spent every day and night struggling to save up enough money. Three years had passed since Namgung Minyoung left and five years had passed since he left Kim Dokja, and when Hwangbo finally told him he was ready, he couldn’t even feel excited. Instead, there was an eerie quiet in his chest, like the calm before a storm.

The boarding school’s fall break lasted longer than a normal public school’s, and if he was in luck, Kim Dokja would still be in school by the time he arrived in Seoul. That would make finding him much easier. First, though, he needed an excuse.

"I'm visiting Min Jiwon's house this holiday," said Yoo Joonghyuk. "Can I get permission to leave school?"

The principal frowned at him. "Is this true?" he asked, turning to Min Jiwon.

She nodded fervently. "Of course!”

"I see. Yoo Joonghyuk, do your parents know about this trip?"

"I haven't told them yet, but feel free to call them and inform them. I'm sure they'll be pleased."

That seemed to convince the man. "Very well then, I’ll give your father a call to let him know. Have a good break, you two."

Seoul was a large city, and it was even larger when you were looking for someone in it. Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t have any money left after paying Hwangbo and buying a train ticket to rent a room, and had to stay overnight in PC bangs. He had a week to find Kim Dokja in theory—Hwangbo would be waiting to take him back to the island on the last day of his break—but in practice, he had as much time as he needed.

He was so, so close. What should he say to him when they meet again?

Yoo Joonghyuk’s footsteps faltered.

When he was young, he used to dream about running away with Kim Dokja to some place where no one could find them, but he knew now that it would never happen. He wasn’t strong enough to be responsible for someone’s happiness. 

So this was how it would go: He would introduce himself, and Kim Dokja would recognize him. They’d ask each other about how things had been for them these past few years and talk for a while. Then Kim Dokja would say he had other things to do, and they would part ways. In ten or twenty years, maybe they’d run into each other on the streets of Seoul again. They would both have their own families by then, and separate lives that had nothing to do with each other. But if Kim Dokja could smile and tell his children Yoo Joonghyuk was an old friend of his, it would be enough for him. It had to be enough.

There are some things that you should always fight for, and some things that you will never be able to fight, Namgung Minyoung had said. Now, he understood the difference.

He used to think he was a hero, but he was wrong. He was nobody.

There was a group of students in school uniforms similar to the one Kim Dokja was wearing in his photos huddled at the corner of the street. The girl in the group looked up as he approached them. 

"Can I help you?” she asked sarcastically. Her friends stopped kicking at a boy on the ground and turned to stare at him, their expressions clearly unwelcoming. Their victim seized the opportunity to grab his bag and run off amidst their chorus of jeers.

"I'm looking for someone named Kim Dokja," said Yoo Joonghyuk, ignoring the noise they were making. "He should be in his third year. Do you know him?"

“Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time,” someone said.

"...Kim Dokja? You're looking for Kim Dokja?" The girl looked him up and down in wonder. "Wow, I had no idea a loser like him even had friends, let alone a friend like you."

This was the first person he had met who actually recognized that name since he arrived in Seoul, and it was frustrating how much useless shit she was spewing. Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes at her. "Stop wasting my time. Tell me where Kim Dokja is, or else."

The girl exchanged a knowing look with her friends, and they all burst into laughter. "Wait, you're joking, right?" she asked incredulously. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Are you not from around here or something?"

Their laughter sounded like the shriek of hyenas in his ears. "I told you to tell me where Kim Dokja is."

"I'm telling you it's a lost cause, you're not going to find him anywhere."

"This is seriously the funniest thing I've heard in a—"

"What do you mean it's a lost cause?" he demanded.

They stopped laughing and stared at him in disbelief. "Because he's not here anymore, obviously," they said.

"We told him to jump and the crazy bastard actually jumped." "As expected from Kim Psycho." “You won’t be able to find him here.” “He’s gone.” “Do you still not get it? Kim Dokja is—"

The boy's sentence dissolved into a cut-off shriek. Yoo Joonghyuk kept punching, until his knuckles split and the face in front of him was covered in blood. The girl was screaming somewhere behind him. Rough hands grabbed at him and tried to pull him back, but the pain barely registered on his mind. He didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally stopped. The girl and the other boy were nowhere in sight. Yoo Joonghyuk let go of the boy’s collar, and he quickly scrambled backwards on his butt, blood dripping from his mouth. "P-Please! Please—"

"Get out of my sight,” he said.

The boy nodded fearfully and limped off, sobbing. There was a growing wet spot on his pants.

"Excuse me, are you looking for Kim Dokja?" an anxious voice asked behind him.

Yoo Joonghyuk turned around. The boy the gang was bullying earlier was standing there, clutching his school bag nervously in front of his chest.

Noticing how Yoo Joonghyuk's expression shuttered at his words, he hastily added, "I can show you where he lives, if you want? I used to drop off his homework at his house for him when he was sick, so I know his address..."

There was a large For Sale sign in the front lawn of the house, and the grass was tall and unkempt.

"I'm going to go home now," the boy said nervously. "Thanks for teaching those bastards a lesson. I didn't know Kim Dokja that well, but, uh, I think he would have appreciated having a friend like you."

Why were they all talking about him in the past tense? Yoo Joonghyuk stared at the darkened windows of the house for a long time, before turning around and walking up the steps to the house beside it. He pounded on the door for nearly five minutes before someone opened up.

"Yes?" asked a middle-aged woman, peeking out through the crack of the door. Her pinched frown lightened when she noticed his face. "Hello. Did you need something?"

"Do you know where your neighbours next door went?"

The smile vanished. "Did a reporter pay you to ask me that?” she demanded. “I've already told them a million times that I have no idea where they moved, and to stop bothering my family! I'm appalled they have the gall to ask me about them when they were the ones who—"

He cut her off. "I'm not with a reporter, I'm Kim Dokja's friend. He’s the boy that family was taking care of. Do you know where he went?"

"I—" Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh. You're really that boy's friend?"

"Yes."

She opened the door wider and glanced behind him, like she was checking there really wasn't anyone hiding in the bushes. Then she turned to him and sighed.

"I really don't know how to put this...well. I genuinely don't know where that family went. They were extremely secretive about it after all the media attention and everything that happened, and I don't blame them for not telling anyone they were planning to move." She took a deep breath in. "And if it's Kim Dokja you're looking for, then I'm sorry, but you're too late."

He already knew the answer before she opened her mouth again. It was obvious from the pity in her eyes.

"He passed away last summer.”

"Passed away," Yoo Joonghyuk repeated.

"It was a suicide. He jumped off the roof of his school—it was five stories high, you know? No one could have survived the fall. The school banned all discussions of the incident, and my daughter only found out when she checked the forum some students from their school set up..."

"The funeral," he heard himself say. "Has the funeral happened yet?"

"I think so, it's been a long time... Hey, are you alright? Do you need to sit down?" 

Yoo Joonghyuk went to the PC bang and opened up the familiar message boards. It was easy to find the school forum she was referring to now that he knew what he was looking for. As he scrolled down the page, the messages came flooding into his head.

「 He jumped off the roof. 」

「 only fifteen years old 」

「 lonely 」

「 passed by my classroom window going down 」

「 the sound was so loud 」

「 blood everywhere 」

「 Why is the school pretending he survived? Everyone saw the body. 」

「 it’s weird how no one in the media is talking about this 」

「 COVER-UP 」

「 wasn't moving when the ambulance arrived 」

「 child of a murderer 」

「 He always looked so unhappy. 」

「 lonely 」

「 no one liked him 」

「 five stories 」

「 broke his neck on impact 」

「 blood 」

「 couldn’t have waited 」

「 lonely 」

「 He's dead. 」

He closed the browser and turned off the computer. When he looked up, he could see his blurry reflection in the black screen. Its gray eyes were hollow. He stopped looking after that. 

It was strange how easily he accepted the fact that Kim Dokja was dead. Perhaps some part of him had known all along that he wasn’t strong enough to protect anyone, and everything he wanted to hold onto would always slip through his fingers. 

Yoo Joonghyuk went to the cemetery. It was raining, and he couldn't read the names on the tombstones no matter how hard he tried. It didn't matter anyway, because Kim Dokja wasn't here. He wasn't anywhere that he could reach. The body buried in the ground was nothing but the empty shell of the person who had once loved him. This was it, then. 

He stood there for a long time, until night fell and the quiet rain stopped. Then he got on the train and went back to the ocean under a canopy of muted stars. He had nowhere he wanted to go anymore.

He still remembered those clear eyes of his, watching him like he was the only person in the world who mattered in that moment. All of that—the memory of love, the warmth of knowing you belonged to someone and that someone belonged to you—was gone now. He wondered if he had died hating him, or if he had already forgotten him by then. He didn't know which one was better.

Kim Dokja became a ghost that haunted him. He was a reminder that he had failed to keep his promise, and that he was no better than all the people he hated for leaving him behind. He had spent five years searching for him, thinking about him in every waking moment and dreaming about him in every dream, only to find out he was too late, and everything had been for nothing.

Life went on. 

Maybe that was the cruelest part of it all: everyone moved on, whether they wanted to or not. No one cared about a sixteen year old boy's insignificant heartbreak. He was nothing but a cog in a wheel of an emotionless machine, slowly but surely churning away, and he couldn't even pause to catch his breath.

Life was a bridge and time was the water underneath it. He had lost his footing and fallen, and no one was there to catch him as he slipped underneath the waves. Time swallowed him gently, and ate him.

Yoo Joonghyuk was expelled from the boarding school after getting into too many fights, and his mother finally showed up to bring him back to Seoul, like he had wanted. She disappeared soon after dropping him off in an empty apartment, and he never saw her again. The only reminder he had of their existence was the monthly deposit in his bank account that stopped after a few years, and a number that went straight to voicemail. 

He enrolled in a high school full of delinquents and soon-to-be drop-outs. The students there had all given up in some way or another, and they all spent their days struggling under the weight of their collective misery. It was easy to get lost in the rhythm of their simmering frustration and let himself go. At least when he was angry, he actually felt something.

He knew he didn’t have a future, because he didn't care about anything enough to want one. There was a hole inside him, one that grew with every passing day and ate at him until he had nothing left. 

The living could forgive, but the ones left behind would never. He knew what the hollow pain in his chest was: Kim Dokja was punishing him for breaking his promise, and he deserved it.

Heading back in the evening after yet another detention at school, Yoo Joonghyuk caught sight of an advertisement in the window of a PC bang. It was an ad for a game, one whose name he vaguely recognized from his time with Namgung Minyoung.

[ Have you protected everything you wanted to protect? ] 

And below that, [ Be the hero you want to be. ]

He stood there for a long time, thinking of nothing. Then he pushed open the door and walked inside.

He started splitting his days between school, detention, and the PC bang. The games helped fill the void a little, but it was an artificial happiness. As he accrued one meaningless victory after another, the other players started calling him King. They speculated he was actually a famous player's sockpuppet or an AI designed by a gaming company, someone who actually mattered. No one could have guessed he was just a high school student whose life had reached a dead end.

Whenever the faceless masses showered him with praise, he would pretend it was Kim Dokja saying those words, or Namgung Minyoung, or even his parents. He thrived on the rush of adrenaline and scraps of affection from strangers, and found himself going through the motions again and again. The tinny sounds of the background music in his headphones echoed inside his skull and filled up the void inside him, until one day they didn't. Someone had pulled them off his head. 

"Fancy meeting you here, Joonghyuk," Namgung Minyoung said, twirling a cigarette between her fingers. She threw his headphones onto the table in front of him. "When did you move back to Seoul? You should've given me a call. Or did you lose my number?” She continued on, undeterred by his silence. "Let's grab dinner together after this, I'll treat you." 

He didn't even look away from the screen. "Leave. You're blocking the light."

Namgung Minyoung's reflection on the computer screen frowned. "Do you not remember me?"

"I'm telling you to leave, Namgung Minyoung."

She placed a hand on his shoulder, and he stiffened at the contact. "Hey, how have you been all this time? Did you manage to find your Kim—"

“Don’t.”

Three years had passed since they last saw each other, yet somehow, Namgung Minyoung understood what was left unsaid. She took a long drag of her cigarette, and he heard her exhale.

"I'm sorry for leaving you," she said after a long pause. "I was only 20 years old back then, and I had no idea what I wanted in life. I was lost, and I didn't want you to be lost with me." 

Smoke wafted through the air, and shimmered like a dream under the fluorescent lights above them. 

"Maybe it's because my parents died when I was young and I only have good memories of them, but I always thought you'd be able to work things out with yours in the end. I thought I was being selfless by letting you go, but I realize now maybe it was actually the opposite. I'm sorry."

He didn't reply. Namgung Minyoung didn't say anything for a long time, but he could tell she was still standing there, watching him. "Are you happy, Joonghyuk?" she suddenly asked.

Yoo Joonghyuk's fingers stilled on the keyboard. 

"Tell me, are you happy right now?"

"...It's none of your business."

"Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Don't you want to get out of here?"

Promise me you won't give up your dream, okay?

His avatar on-screen died, and Yoo Joonghyuk let go of the mouse. He did want to leave, he realized. He just didn't have anywhere to go.

Namgung Minyoung slid a business card across the table to him. "I'm currently working at an esports organization, and we're always looking for fresh blood. Give me a call if you're interested in joining the team, or if you just want to talk. I'll be there for you." Her voice softened. "You'll always be my favourite kid, Joonghyuk. I never changed my number."

Yoo Joonghyuk went back to his apartment that night and pulled open the top drawer of his desk. There was a postcard there with Kim Dokja's name on it, written in a child's careless scrawl. He had written a lot of letters to him over the years, but this postcard was the only one he had kept. The first one.

[ To Kim Dokja,

I wish you were here. ]

Would he be happier if they had never met?

He gripped the postcard in his hands and tried to tear it in half, but his hands were shaking too badly for him to continue. If he threw it away, there would be no trace of that person left in this world. The postcard slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground. 

Kim Dokja was more than just someone he had once loved; he was the beginning, middle, and end of everything he wanted and failed to keep in his life. He was in every breath he took, every heartbeat, every dream. When he looked inside himself, he couldn't tell where Yoo Joonghyuk ended and Kim Dokja began. He was dead, but he was still alive and tormenting him.

I'll buy tickets to every single one of them when I grow up.

"Would you really?" he said to the empty air. There was no reply. 

It was nothing but a childish fantasy, but it was the only thing he had left. Even if it was impossible, he wanted to meet him again.

The sun was bright outside, and the sky was an untainted shade of blue.

"You're early," said Namgung Minyoung, sliding into the seat opposite him in the cafe they were meeting at. "Did you come here for a job or just to talk?"

He looked down at the wooden grain of the table and didn’t meet her eyes. "Both." 

“I see. Can I ask what made you change your mind?"

"I want to keep my promise,” said Yoo Joonghyuk. To you, and to him.

When he looked up, Namgung Minyoung was smiling fondly at him. She reached out a hand and gently ruffled his hair, like she used to do all the time when he was young. "I know you will, Joonghyuk."

Together, they reached the top of the world.

Even though years had passed, Yoo Joonghyuk still remembered Kim Dokja’s face like it was yesterday. Every time he stood on stage staring into the lens of dozens of cameras, he would wonder if that person was out there somewhere watching over him, and if he could see him now and know that he would always be waiting for him.

Yoo Joonghyuk started dreaming about the future again. In ten or twenty years, he would get married to someone who loved him for the flawed man he was, and they’d have a child together who he would name Dokja. Not 'only child', but 'reader'. He would make sure there were never bruises on their arms or tears in their eyes, and he would watch them grow up safely, until they were older and happier than that person had been when he passed away. 

And maybe then, he would finally be forgiven.

For a while, everything was fine. But as their company grew more successful, people started to change, and everything came crashing down. Some of his teammates had always been jealous of him, and his growing fame only fed into that displeasure. Namgung Minyoung tried to keep them in check, but that only made them resent her as well.

As the days dragged on, his teammates grew bitter and distrustful and the company split into warring factions. Yoo Joonghyuk knew Namgung Minyoung was unhappy, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He could only watch as the passion faded from her eyes, and she was caught up in pointless power struggles that threatened to destroy everything they had worked for. She told him not to worry about what was going on behind the scenes, but he could tell she was getting tired of everything.

But the other executives weren't going to let her go without taking away everything she had worked hard to earn. People they thought were friends ripped off their masks and dug their claws into her, eager to tear off as much of her flesh as they could. The ensuing legal battle was uglier than anything they had ever seen before; Yoo Joonghyuk was still bound by a contract at the time, so his hands were tied. Just when it seemed like there was no way Namgung Minyoung could make it out of the ordeal unscathed, someone unexpected reached out to help them.

Yoo Joonghyuk had only met Uriel briefly at a sponsorship event before, and he didn't even consider her an acquaintance, much less a friend. Yet she was one of their only sponsors who took Namgung Minyoung's side in the matter, even though it was much easier to turn a blind eye to the whole situation.

Everything in this world came at a price, so he naturally asked her about it when they met up to discuss it. "What do you want in return?"

Uriel hummed and tapped her chin with a finger, looking deep in thought. After a moment her expression cleared, and she broke into a smile. "Can you follow me back on Twitter?" she asked cheerfully.

“...Is that it?”

“I mean, it’d be great if you could follow me on Instagram too, but I don’t think you have one…”

It was a strange request, but unbeknownst to him, it would not be the strangest one he would receive from a sponsor. (That one would involve crossdressing, a private fashion show, and one gleeful Han Sooyoung who finally got her hands on the blackmail material she was waiting for.)

With the help of Uriel's lawyers, they managed to clear Namgung Minyoung's name. On a cold autumn day, Namgung Minyoung left Seoul. She could have ruined the company if she wanted to—Uriel enthusiastically suggested she do so—but she chose not to. In the end, there was a part of her that still cared for the place she used to call home. 

Yoo Joonghyuk was the one taking her to the train station this time, a decade later.

Namgung Minyoung grinned at him as he handed her suitcase to her. "Come find me once your contract ends, Joonghyuk." Smoke curled around the cigarette in her fingers, just like that day in the PC bang so many years ago. "I'll save you a spot."

And then she was gone, and he was alone.

He started losing time again. Every day was the same monotonous gray, over and over and over again, with nothing and no one there beside him. Nothing was ever going to change, nothing could ever be enough to fill the hole in his chest. It would never be enough—

There was a little girl sitting on his doorstep when he got home that evening. She looked up at the sound of his footsteps and got to her feet clumsily, dusting off the dirt on her dress.

"I'm Yoo Mia," she said. Her hands, balled into small fists, were trembling at her sides. "I'm your sister. Mother and Father said I have to live with you now because they're not married anymore. I'm six years old, I can count to 1000, and I can be really quiet...I, I'll be good, I promise. I won't get in your way."

There was a fragile loneliness in her eyes that reminded him of someone he used to know. The person watching over him had given him a sign, he thought.

"Do you want to come in?" he asked her.

She nodded. He unlocked the door and led her into the kitchen, where he sat her down with a glass of water before rummaging around the fridge for ingredients. He cooked some noodles for them both, and sat down across from her to eat them with her. He could hear the sounds of quiet sniffling coming from her side of the table as they ate, but he knew better than to say anything.

"I'll be your brother from now on," he said after she finished her noodles.

Yoo Mia dried her eyes with her sleeves. "Brother," she repeated in a whisper like she was scared he’d disappear if she raised her voice.

"I'm here."

When she looked up again, there were stars in her eyes. He couldn't save that person, but he could save her.

This was his salvation.

Time passed, and he started forgetting him piece by piece. The sound of his laugh left first, then the softness of his hands, the curve of his smile, his bright eyes. Days, weeks, months began to pass between thoughts he had of him, until one day, he woke up and realized he could no longer remember what Kim Dokja looked like.

“Good morning,” said Yoo Mia, poking her head into his bedroom. “Can I go to the park today? I'm meeting my friends there.”

“Sure.”

“Can I bring my Switch with me too?” she asked eagerly. “Yoosung and Gilyoung don't have one, and I promised I’d let them play on mine.”

“It’s up to you. Just be back in time for dinner, and keep your phone on you.”

“Okay.” She padded across the room and kissed him on the cheek. “See you later!”

The wound was still there, but it didn't hurt anymore. Kim Dokja was finally dead.

Yoo Mia grew up as a happy and healthy child, though they both admitted she was kind of spoiled because he always let her do as she wished. She was also far too preoccupied with his non-existent love life than should be normal, and had no hesitance about voicing her opinions on it.

"Don't worry about me," she told him confidently. "Yoosung said I can stay at her place this month, her parents don't mind. We've got so much to talk about, and she says I can walk her dog with her in the mornings! You should come see him sometime, he's really cute."

"I'll be visiting you regularly this month."

"Don't visit me too regularly though," said Yoo Mia, trying her best to mimick his serious frown and failing, "or you might lose the competition because you're never there when it matters. And then you’ll be forever alone, except you'll always have me so not really. But still!"

Children really grew up far too quickly nowadays. "It's not a competition."

"Yes, but I still want you to win!" she insisted fiercely. "Promise me we'll watch the show together once it airs, okay? I want to see how you performed."

He tugged lightly on one of her pigtails, earning an indignant whine from her. "I promise,” he said carefully.

He would never break a promise again.

Yoo Joonghyuk still wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of Yoo Mia staying with a host family, but that was more because of a personal grudge than any rational reason. Besides, she could contact him any time she wanted to. The situation was completely different from the one he had been in. Yet he still lost sleep over it the night before the start of filming, which led to him waking up with the roots of a headache growing behind his eyes.

Yoo Mia sang (screamed) along to the radio in the car as he drove her to Shin Yoosung's place, and her high-pitched voice made his headache worsen. His temples were throbbing with a sharp pain by the time he arrived at the mansion, and the frustration of being followed around by cameramen did nothing to help the situation. Strangely, Han Sooyoung was nowhere to be seen. It was almost as though she had predicted he would be in a bad mood and made herself scarce.

He ended up being the first guest to arrive at the house, which only made his already indifferent mood worse. He didn't even remember what he said to the next guest who appeared, only that she'd introduced herself as Yoo Sangah and he may or may not have told her his name. Someone named Lee Hyunsung arrived soon after, and the three of them sat down on the couches in the living room together in awkward silence. 

Yoo Sangah and Lee Hyunsung were making a visible effort to include him in their conversation, but Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't be bothered to contribute apart from the occasional monosyllabic reply. Yoo Mia was going to be disappointed by his behaviour once the episode aired, but he couldn't be bothered to fake politeness. 

The doorbell rang, interrupting the stilted flow of conversation.

"Should we go see who it is?" Yoo Sangah suggested amicably.

Lee Hyunsung nodded and stood up. "Joonghyuk-ssi, are you coming?"

"No."

Yoo Sangah and Lee Hyunsung exchanged a puzzled look. They were probably wondering why he was actively being an asshole in front of the cameras—he could at least do everyone the courtesy of misbehaving in private. The front door swung open with a tell-tale creak, and Yoo Sangah and Lee Hyunsung hurried out of the room to greet their new housemate.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't budge from his seat on the couch. He could hear them exchanging stock pleasantries, and after a while, the two of them emerged back into the living room with someone in tow. Yoo Joonghyuk looked up at the sound of a male voice he didn't recognize, and met that person's eyes across the room.

Time slowed to a crawl. The couch dipped as the man sat down beside him, their legs brushing against each other. He could see his face reflected in those clear eyes, which were watching him like he was the only person in the world who mattered in that moment.

"I'm Kim Dokja,” said the stranger, holding out his hand with a smile. “You are...?"

We'll definitely see each other again, right?

Something within him stirred, and took a breath in.

Of course we will.

Chapter Text

[Constellation Observatory]

Kim Dokja walked into the interview room and sat down on the chair facing the camera. Beyond the balcony of the open window behind him, the azure ocean of Jeju Island was visible against an equally blue sky.

[ PD: Who did you text last night? ]

"I texted Yoo Joonghyuk [ Welcome back. ]. It's, well, it's an inside joke about how he keeps getting lost on the road of life...a meta-commentary on how he keeps fixating on useless details like eating dumplings with or without sauce and losing track of the bigger picture... Have you ever heard of the ocean sunfish? They can't really move, so they just drift along and let the ocean tides take them wherever..."

[Uriel]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Why are you so weirdly invested in Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk?

[Uriel]: Hush, you.

[Sun Wukong]: You were staring longingly at Kim Namwoon and Jang Hayoung earlier too.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I just want them to get together, damn it!

In the next second, Kim Dokja's position on the chair changed with no warning whatsoever, as though a chunk of the recording between the previous question and the next one had been cut out. The director had clearly gotten tired of his bullshit and silenced him with the power of modern video editing techniques.

[ PD: Who's your favourite incarnation on this show, and why? ]

"Sangah-ssi," Kim Dokja replied. It was clear that he was choosing his words carefully. "She is a kind person, and it's clear she cares a lot about everyone here. No matter how the show ends, I wish her the best."

[ PD: What was the most memorable part of this trip for you? ]

Kim Dokja laced his fingers together, resting his hands against his crossed legs. "Well," he said with a smile, "it would have to be this morning, when a certain someone who will remain unnamed got his pants wet and threw a tantrum about it. It was very memorable, and dare I say, amusing."

[Uriel]: He's talking about Yoo Joonghyuk, right? Right? Did they go out together on Sunday morning?

[Yi Sunsin]: I really appreciate how the male incarnations on this show are making friends with each other and developing a sense of camaraderie. Usually on dating shows there's always a competitive atmosphere amongst the men, and it's rare to see them spending time with each other after the camera stops rolling.

[Sun Wukong]: You sound suspiciously familiar with how dating shows work. Do you watch a lot of them or something?

[Yi Sunsin]: Ah. Well. Maybe?

[Uriel]: I still can't get over how the two of them obviously went on a trip together in the morning. Where were the cameramen?! How come they didn't get this on film? Watch me fly over there and film them myself!

[Bihyung]: Unfortunately, I think they're already done filming by now.

[ PD: You do know that he'll see you slandering him when the show airs, right? ]

Kim Dokja's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, you're airing this part?"

[ PD: This is too good to leave out. ]

[Uriel]: I completely agree! 

When the scene cut, Kim Dokja was replaced in the chair by Yoo Joonghyuk, who was sporting his signature look of disinterest. 

[ PD: Who did you text last night, and why? ]

"Kim Dokja." He narrowed his eyes at a spot behind the camera. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

[ PD: What was your favourite moment on the show so far? ]

It took him a while to answer. "This morning, on the island."

[Uriel]: —AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ROLL IT BACK, ROLL IT BACK—

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Stop yelling!

[ PD: What happened this morning? ]

"It's none of your business."

[Uriel]: I need a tissue.

[Yi Sunsin]: Here you go.

[Uriel]: Did you guys hear that?

[Yi Sunsin]: Yes.

[Bihyung]: Yes.

[Sun Wukong]: Yep. Congratulations, your ship's finally sailing.

[Uriel]: I know, right?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Gross, why are you tearing up?

[Uriel]: It's like watching your children finally grow up...you wouldn't understand.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: You don't have any kids.

[Uriel]: Like I said, you wouldn't understand.

The interview with Yoo Joonghyuk was still continuing despite both the interviewer and the interviewee's reluctance to be there in an obvious attempt to pander to YJH fans or just people in general who were into hot men being dismissive.

[ PD: What do you think of Lee Seolhwa? ]

"That's also none of your business."

[ PD: Did you enjoy the trip to Jeju Island? ]

Yoo Joonghyuk seemed grumpier than before, possibly because some not-so-gentle coercion had gone on behind the scenes between the questions. "No. I don't like the island. I don't need to have a reason to dislike it, I just do," he said crossly. "No, I don't enjoy the scenery. The Murim dumplings are passable, but the food in general isn't good. No, I would not visit the island again."

[ PD: Are you glad you got to meet everyone on the show? ]

After a long pause, Yoo Joonghyuk looked directly into the camera and said, "I am."

[Uriel]: I'm dead, I'm done, no one resuscitate me.

[Bihyung]: I thought the island was beautiful; it's a shame he didn't enjoy the trip. Maybe he's not really a travelling kind of guy?

[Sun Wukong]: Didn't he say his favourite moment on the show was this morning? How can he hate the island and still think his favourite part of the show took place there?

[Uriel]: Because it's the person he's with that matters, not the location they're in!

The director must have given up on milking responses out of an uncooperative cash cow, because the scene abruptly changed to Yoo Sangah, who smoothed out her skirt and sat down in the interviewee chair. Her hair was still in the braids Jang Hayoung had done for her that morning, and there was a small canola flower tucked behind her ear.

[ PD: What was the most memorable moment on this show for you? ]

"I think there are a lot of moments that stood out to me since the show started," Yoo Sangah said brightly. "I had a lot of fun with Namwoon on the visit to the mural village, and cooking dinner with Dokja-ssi for everyone has also been enjoyable. But I think the most memorable moment for me is when we had the birthday party for Namwoon, and we all worked together to put up the decorations and prepare the food and presents for him. Making friends outside of work when you're an adult can be difficult, and I'm glad I met everyone here; especially since we're all different ages and have vastly different career paths, and I'm not sure if we would have met if we didn't all choose to go on the show."

[ PD: Did you enjoy the trip to Jeju Island? ]

"I did. The scenery is lovely, and Heewon-ssi and I had a lot of fun snorkeling the other day. I think that this trip was a great opportunity for everyone to relax and get to know each other better in different ways, and it's great that the director planned the whole vacation for us. Thank you, Han PD."

[Bihyung]: A great response from Yoo Sangah as usual.

[Sun Wukong]: I think she should go into the entertainment industry, we need more people like her here.

[Uriel]: Agreed!

[ PD: How has your relationships with the male incarnations on the show been recently? ]

"Although we're all on friendly terms with each other, I have to admit I'm not very close to Joonghyuk-ssi," said Yoo Sangah. "However, I am friends with Hyunsung-ssi and Namwoon, and I've always enjoyed the time I spent with them. For example, this morning a lot of us had breakfast together, and Hyunsung-ssi and I talked about what it was like to be a part of the police force. Namwoon actually invited me to go shopping with him and Hayoung-ssi, but Heewon-ssi and I already made plans earlier to explore the island together, so I had to decline. I've also been spending a lot of time with Dokja-ssi these past two weeks, and although there's still a lot of things we don't know about each other, I would say we're friends."

[ PD: Who did you send a message to last night? ]

"I sent Dokja-ssi the text [ Do you want to try again, Dokja-ssi? ], along with a picture I took of the sunrise on Saturday.

As the viewers may know, our relationship hasn't been progressing well recently. Dokja-ssi has always been reserved, and after thinking about it this weekend, I realized I was also hesitant to share my feelings with him. For example, I've been sending him random quotes from my favourite books these past two weeks, which probably seemed insincere or confusing to him.

I know I didn't seem fazed by the cameras at all, but subconsciously, I was holding myself back and overanalyzing every small thing I did to avoid being misunderstood by the viewers. There's nothing wrong with wanting to show your best self to the people you like, but it wasn't fair for me to expect candour from him while not doing the same." She let out a light laugh. "In fact, Joonghyuk-ssi and Heewon-ssi are probably the only ones who have stayed true to themselves throughout. 

I suspect Dokja-ssi and I might be better off as friends in the end, but I still want to give myself another chance, and that's why I sent the text. I think he was able to come to terms with some personal things during this trip, and I'm curious to see if this will change anything about our relationship," she said optimistically. "After all, you miss all the shots you don't take, and I've resolved to never leave any loose ends in my life."

[Yi Sunsin]: I admire her attitude towards life, and I think her mindset is a good one to have.

[Bihyung]: I don't have much to add, I think Yoo Sangah explained herself and her motivations perfectly. It's good to hear what she's thinking, since we don't usually get much insight into what's propelling these incarnations to make the decisions they do.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Kim Namwoon's up next.

[ PD: Why did you send Jung Heewon the text [ fuck u and ur grapes ]? ]

A picture of the text in question materialized in the air beside Kim Namwoon's head for emphasis. He had the decency to look embarrassed when confronted. "Uh, well, she kept throwing them at me yesterday afternoon...yeah."

[ PD: Do you and Jung Heewon not get along? ]

The question seemed to unleash the vengeful beast within him. "She pushed me into the pool on Friday!" he complained, slamming his fist against the arms of the wooden chair. "She also keeps trash talking my food, I can cook perfectly FINE. And before that she spilled alcohol on me on my birthday, and before that she put pepper in my milk. God I fucking hate her."

[ PD: Actually, Yoo Sangah was the one who spiked your milk. ]

"What?"

The camera zoomed into Kim Namwoon's gaping mouth and transitioned into a sepia-toned flashback consisting of monitor camera footage, with an ominous violin-based soundtrack reminiscent of old horror movies in the background. Yoo Sangah appeared in the shot with a sunny smile and a pepper shaker in one hand, and delicately sprinkled black pepper over the coffee grounds. The music crescendoed, string instruments hissing at the top of their wooden lungs. Yoo Sangah passed by a lonely glass of milk sitting on the counter on her way out the kitchen, and with a light shrug, she took out her pepper shaker and added some to that too.

An indiscernible amount of time later, Yoo Joonghyuk materialized in the kitchen and made himself a cup of black coffee using the grounds. He took one sip of it and froze. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, unmoving, and then promptly poured the rest of his coffee down the sink with a look of utter disgust. He moved out of the shot, but it was possible to hear him saying to someone offscreen, "You should be ashamed."

"Ashamed of what?" came Kim Dokja's nonchalant reply.

"I know you did it."

"Suspects are innocent until proven guilty, you know."

"Don't mess with food again."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Their voices gradually faded as they moved out of the range of the microphones set up in the room. After a while, Kim Namwoon came skidding into the kitchen in his socks and picked up his glass of milk with a flourish. He took a big gulp of it and then spat it out, spraying milk all over the counter as someone who sounded like Jung Heewon burst into laughter offscreen. The scene cut back to the present, where Kim Namwoon was sitting shell-shocked in his chair. 

[ PD: I would say you owe her an apology, but I'm not going to. ]

[Sun Wukong]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Bihyung]: It's pretty funny how both Kim Namwoon and Yoo Joonghyuk jumped to conclusions about who was antagonizing them. They both saw what they wanted to see rather than what was actually there.

[Yi Sunsin]: At least Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja seem to be getting along well now, while Jung Heewon and Kim Namwoon still aren't.

[Sun Wukong]: It'd be funnier if Kim Namwoon and Jung Heewon got together, they've got the whole enemies to lovers vibe going on.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I mean I wouldn't be MAD if that happened, I'm just SAYING that Jang Hayoung is much prettier—

[Uriel]: No thank you, Kim Namwoon's moral code doesn't align with Heewon's. Besides, not everything's about looks.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Says the YJH fan.

[Uriel]: So maybe I like Joonghyuk partially because of his looks, but I'll have you know that my fondness for Dokja-yah has nothing to do with looks at all!

[Sun Wukong]: It's okay if you do like Kim Dokja for his looks.

[Yi Sunsin]: I wouldn't judge you.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I would.

[Uriel]: I admire Dokja-yah for his writing skills! And even if I do appreciate his looks, it's more how he looks relative to Joonghyuk and how they look together—

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: What did you just say?

[Uriel]: 'How they look together'? I was referring to the aesthetic of their pairing, and how they contrast each other visually.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I don't give a shit about that, I meant the part about his writing. He's a writer?

[Bihyung]: Right, you weren't here for the viewing of episode 2, were you? When they revealed their careers in that episode, Kim Dokja mentioned that he was a writer.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Like a famous one? Would I know him? What's his pen name?

[Uriel]: Um......no, you wouldn't know him.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: So he's one of those trashy webnovel authors then.

[Uriel]: Aren't you the trashiest webnovel author out there?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: HEY!

[Sun Wukong]: Since when did you know what Kim Dokja's pen name is? I don't remember him mentioning it on the show.

It was Lee Seolhwa's turn in the interviewee chair. She seemed a little more subdued than usual, although she was more than happy to explain her observations of the local flora and fauna in detail to the flabbergasted director when asked about her favourite part of the trip. Finally, Han Sooyoung managed to get a word in.

[ PD: Who did you text last night? ]

Lee Seolhwa's smile dimmed a little. "Joonghyuk-ssi," she said.

***

Kim Dokja woke up at 11 am on Monday morning. Yesterday had been a blur, and he had gone to bed in the middle of the night after finally unpacking everything and cleaning up. He was glad he didn't work a 9 to 5 job anymore; he couldn't imagine having to pull himself up at 8 in the morning after a weekend of lying around doing nothing at the resort. 

He turned his head to the side, and noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk's bed was empty with the blanket neatly folded. He had probably left to go visit his sister and go to the gym or something equally adult-like, while Kim Dokja was struggling just to put up a human front for the cameras. He pulled himself out of bed and got dressed. After eating a simple breakfast of whatever was left in the fridge, he made himself comfortable in the upstairs lounge and booted up his laptop to get some writing done.

Kim Namwoon actually started feeling the pressure of his studies and was spending more time at the library these days, meaning he and Yoo Joonghyuk were the only people home for most of the day. At around four o'clock, he heard the noise of footsteps downstairs and the unmistakable sound of Yoo Joonghyuk telling the cameramen to stop stalking him. He waited for half an hour or so before getting up and heading downstairs.

As expected, an apronless Yoo Joonghyuk was kneading dough on the pastry board in the kitchen when he arrived downstairs. He glanced up at the sound of footsteps, then glanced back down when he noticed it was him. Kim Dokja refilled his empty glass of water at the sink and stood next to the counter, sipping his water and watching him dedicate his heart and soul to making dumpling wrappers.

"Don't touch anything," warned Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja had apparently forfeited his right to participate in the dumpling-making process ever since he betrayed his culinary trust last week, which, fair enough. "As you wish, Dae Jang Geum."

"What." 

His glass was empty again so he refilled his water in the sink and set his glass down on the counter. "You know, Dae Jang Geum, like the titular heroine of the historical drama."

"I don't."

And people called him a shut-in. "Have you seriously never watched that drama? It was wildly popular back in the day, and there are reruns on TV all the time."

"No."

Kim Dokja took pity on his ignorance. "It's about a girl who works her way up from a palace kitchen maid to the first female royal physician in history."

"I'm not a palace kitchen maid," said Yoo Joonghyuk, glaring daggers at him.

"I never said you were," Kim Dokja said magnanimously. "It's more your overwhelming dedication to the culinary arts that reminds me of her, not your looks. Though I guess if I squint..."

"Shut up."

His aunt had been obsessed with the show when he first moved in with her, and he would often lie awake in his bed listening to the faint sounds of the Dae Jang Geum ending theme drifting up from the living room at night. He would be traumatized by it if it weren't such a good song.

A thought suddenly occurred to him, and as with most observations concerning Yoo Joonghyuk, he decided to say it even though he knew it wouldn't be received well. "If Lee Jihye calls you Master and your teacher's dog is also called Master, don't you guys have the same name?"

"...The dog's name is short for Breaking the Sky Master," Yoo Joonghyuk said through gritted teeth.

Of course it was. 

Kim Dokja couldn't resist teasing him a little. "Shake, Joonghyuk," he said, holding out a hand.

His hand was predictably slapped away. "Take your stupid games elsewhere."

If Yoo Joonghyuk truly disliked a person, they wouldn't even have the chance to get on his nerves, because he would just pretend they didn't exist. Yet here he was, playing along with Kim Dokja despite thinking it was stupid. He couldn't help but find it endearing, which only made him want to tease him more. 

"The 'Breaking the Sky' thing seems to be a pretty common theme with your teacher, isn't her company called Breaking the Sky Sword? Does this mean you have a similar title, since Breaking the Sky Master is your sajeo?"

Yoo Joonghyuk sent him a withering glare.

Resting his arm on the counter, Kim Dokja propped his chin up on a fist and studied Yoo Joonghyuk's face with interest. "Is it Breaking the Sky Sword Cool Guy? Breaking the Sky Sword Tsundere? Breaking the Sky Sword Beauty?"

Yoo Joonghyuk was either rendered speechless by his remark or couldn't be bothered to deal with him right now, because he didn't deign him with a response. Humming the Dae Jang Geum theme song under his breath, Kim Dokja watched as Yoo Joonghyuk kneaded the dough into a perfect sphere before rolling it out to just the right thickness for dumplings.

"Stop humming," said Yoo Joonghyuk, but he didn't sound annoyed, more resigned.

"You should be grateful I'm providing you with background music." 

"You're off-tune."

"You've never heard the song, how would you know what the tune is supposed to be?"

"Don't you have a book to write?"

Damn it, he was right. Kim Dokja turned to leave, but not before asking, "Do you need help with anything?"

Yoo Joonghyuk looked down at Kim Dokja's hands, which were resting on the marble countertop. "Go wash your hands," he ordered, "then come dice the onions."

An onion slave was the last thing he wanted to be, but then again, he was the one who offered to help. "Fine. But don't complain about how I chop them, no one cares what size the onion pieces in their dumplings are."

"I care."

"Only because you have a fetish," Kim Dokja replied.

He took a page out of Han Sooyoung's book and left before Yoo Joonghyuk could reply so that he could have the last word.

After setting his glass of water down in his room and thoroughly washing his hands at the sink in the upstairs bathroom, he headed back to the kitchen. As he made his way down the stairs, he picked up on the sounds of light conversation. He stopped in his tracks and looked through the bannisters at the kitchen, where he could see Lee Seolhwa standing beside Yoo Joonghyuk, helping him into an apron. She said something to him, and he inclined his head and lifted his flour-coated arms, letting her duck under them and tie the apron around his waist.

Something about the easy way they moved around each other and the relaxed look on Yoo Joonghyuk's face that struck a chord within him. If this were Jang Hayoung or Yoo Sangah, Yoo Joonghyuk would never have let them step that close to him. Lee Seolhwa was his exception.

There was something sweet and a little sour festering in his chest, like the pungent taste of overripe fruit.

Kim Dokja watched as Lee Seolhwa rinsed her hands in the sink and started mincing a green onion with practiced efficiency. It's not that I have a problem with her, he told himself as he silently retraced his steps back up the stairs. I just don't want to intrude, and I'm sure they would both prefer if I weren't there. 

Once he was in his room, Kim Dokja lay down on his bed with his hands clasped over his chest. He started counting the panels on the ceiling to distract himself, before realizing this was both a colossal waste of time and the camera in the corner of the room was filming this, and quickly got up. Yoo Joonghyuk evidently didn't need his help anymore, so he picked up his laptop and went back to writing his novel. He didn't know how much time had passed since he started writing, only that at some point the sunlight outside his window had faded into the golden hue of the sunset, and his glass was emptied once more.

The loud bang of the bedroom door slamming open startled him out of his trance, and he turned around only to see Yoo Joonghyuk marching towards him with a determined look on his face.

"Dinner's ready," he said in a commanding voice normal people usually reserved for threats.

"You guys start without me, I'm not hungry."

"Kim Dokja."

"I said I'm not hungry."

"You're having dinner right now." Yoo Joonghyuk's hand shot out and latched onto the back of Kim Dokja's collar, dragging him bodily out of his computer chair and out of the room.

"Let go!"

Despite his struggling, Yoo Joonghyuk's hold on him was firm and unshakeable. He marched him all the way downstairs to the dining room where Lee Seolhwa and the others were already seated, and finally let go once it was obvious Kim Dokja wasn't going to bolt.

Smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt caused by Yoo Joonghyuk's rudeness, Kim Dokja pulled out the chair beside Lee Hyunsung and pretended like he hadn't just been marched downstairs like a prisoner.

"How was work today, Hyunsung-ssi?" he asked, trying to be friendly.

"It was alright, I wasn't that busy today. How about you, Dokja-ssi?"

“I—”

Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his collar and pulled him back up before he could sit down. "Go wash your hands."

Kim Dokja made sure to step on the idiot's foot when he walked to the kitchen sink, and again when he walked back to the table to drive the point home. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even seem to feel the pain, the heartless bastard. 

In the end, Kim Dokja found himself sitting between Lee Hyunsung and Yoo Joonghyuk, with Kim Namwoon across from him. Lee Seolhwa was sitting beside Kim Namwoon and opposite Yoo Joonghyuk. 

"Thank you for making dumplings for us again, Joonghyuk-ssi," she said, smiling. "Was it a lot of work?"

"It gets easier with practice."

"Out of curiosity, who taught you the recipe?"

"My teacher."

Kim Dokja tried to tune them out by focusing on a different conversation: Jung Heewon was complaining about her martial arts nemesis, Fei Hu, who somehow got hold of her number and kept texting her lyrical poems about hard work and swords.

"You should block him if he's making you uncomfortable," Yoo Sangah suggested. "You don't have any sort of obligation to keep reading his messages."

"I'm not uncomfortable, just annoyed. It's like he's passive-aggressively telling me to practice more for our upcoming competition or something. Tch."

"He's hitting on you," said Jang Hayoung.

"What, really?"

Lee Hyunsung was staring at his bowl with an intensity that suggested he was paying close attention to what the girls were saying. Kim Dokja was also intrigued with where the conversation was headed, and his chopsticks stopped moving as he focused on eavesdropping. Too bad this was a dating show and not a boxing show, because it would be interesting to see Jung Heewon and Yoo Joonghyuk fight for the title of the strongest incarnation in the household.

"You should post his number to one of those sketchy hookup websites," Jang Hayoung was saying in a confident voice. "Then he'll be too busy fending off horny guys to bother you."

"Isn't that identity theft?" 

"Don't worry, Heewon-unnie, I can make sure no one will find out it was you."

"He's not sending dick pics though, just stuff like 'Today I will show you my sword, do you know of any injustices?' Something along those lines."

"Is that a euphemism for something?"

"Knowing Fei Hu, he probably means his real sword, not the shit in his pants."

"If there's nothing sexual about the messages, would this still count as sexual harassment? Or just regular harassment?"

A dumpling landed in his bowl of chicken broth with a small splash. Kim Dokja looked up in surprise, and saw Yoo Joonghyuk stealthily retracting his chopsticks. 

"I can reach the dumplings fine, you don't need to pass me one," he told him.

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an indecipherable look.

"By the way, Joonghyuk-ssi," said Jung Heewon, "can you try making dumplings with another type of filling next time? Like beef or shrimp or something to change things up a little."

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at her disdainfully and didn't speak. The implication was obvious.

Jung Heewon raised her hands in defeat. "Never mind, forget I asked. We can die on the pork dumpling hill together then, I guess."

Kim Dokja kicked him under the table. "Don't be rude."

Yoo Joonghyuk kicked him back twice as hard, and Kim Dokja's face contorted in pain. This vindictive bastard. 

"Are you alright, Dokja-ssi?" asked Yoo Sangah, pausing with a dumpling halfway to her mouth.

He forced out a smile for her. "I'm fine."

Kim Namwoon was gesturing wildly with his chopsticks about something to Lee Seolhwa, and somehow one of them slipped from his fingers, fell to the floor, and rolled under the table. "Shit, where'd it go?"

"It's alright, Namwoon, I'll get it for you," Lee Seolhwa assured him as she ducked under the table to pick it up.

11-year-old Yoo Joonghyuk's power level had already been insanely high, and Kim Dokja suspected he had transcended the human realm in terms of raw power by now. Still, that wasn't enough to deter him. He stretched out his leg like a dowsing rod until he found Yoo Joonghyuk's under the table, and then he pointedly ground down his heel on his toes. Yoo Joonghyuk fought back by pinning his leg against the chair with his own leg in a wrestling hold. 

Across the table, Lee Seolhwa emerged from the depths with Kim Namwoon's lost chopstick in her hand and a thoughtful expression on her face. Kim Dokja met her eyes, and he hastily untangled his leg from Yoo Joonghyuk's, stomach twisting with what felt uncomfortaby like guilt. 

He shouldn't ruin this for them. 

Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah volunteered to do the dishes after dinner, and they soon developed a stable dirty dishes-processing pipeline. It was peaceful, and rather nice. But when he tried to imagine living out the rest of his life with her like this, he couldn't shake the feeling that the scene in his head seemed to be missing something. 

"You should be wearing kitchen gloves," said Yoo Joonghyuk. He had materialized in the kitchen sometime when Kim Dokja was zoning out, and was standing behind him with his arms crossed over his chest like a grizzled inspector from the Korean Occupational Safety and Health Agency.

Kim Dokja's heart settled in his chest. This was what he was missing: Yoo Joonghyuk's anal-retentive policies about the most mundane aspects of everyday life. "Does it even matter? I'll moisturize my hands afterwards."

"What."

"Do you not moisturize?"

"..."

Beside them, Yoo Sangah was trying her best to keep a straight face, and her hands were shaking from the force of withheld laughter.

There was a pinched frown on Yoo Joonghyuk's face as he watched Kim Dokja clean the dishes half-heartedly with a sponge. "You need to scrub harder."

"You need to relax."

"It's alright, Joonghyuk-ssi, you don't need to supervise us," Yoo Sangah said in an amused voice. "I'm sure Dokja-ssi is perfectly capable of washing the dishes himself."

"Thank you for your trust, Sangah-ssi," he told her, before turning back to Yoo Joonghyuk. "So did you come here to conduct a health and safety inspection, or did you come here to help?"

The three of them finished washing the rest of the dishes together. Kim Dokja brushed his hair out of his eyes with the back of his hand and accidentally got dish soap on his face, which Yoo Sangah teased him about. He thought there might have been a hint of a smile on Yoo Joonghyuk's face too, but maybe it was just a trick of the light.

The rest of the week passed in much the same way.

On Tuesday, when Kim Dokja was working on his novel in the upstairs lounge as a change of pace, Yoo Joonghyuk brought his own laptop over and sat down next to him on the sofa. He thought it would be distracting for him, but it wasn't; it was actually rather nice, having someone there beside him as he grappled mentally with his unruly characters and tried to put his thoughts down in words. Yet Kim Dokja couldn't shake the feeling that Yoo Joonghyuk was still trying to make up for what happened in their past, even though he already told him he was fine. He didn't want to be pitied, but he also didn't want to lose whatever this tentative relationship between them was.

Yoo Joonghyuk was typing something angrily into the search bar on his laptop, and Kim Dokja glanced over at his screen curiously. "What are you doing?"

"Mia wants a case for her Switch," Yoo Joonghyuk said gruffly. He was scrolling through page after page of results on a popular shopping website with a long-suffering look on his face.

"You were typing so loudly that I thought you were hacking into the government," said Kim Dokja. "Why don't you ask your sister directly which one she wants?"

"It's a surprise."

"Then you can ask Lee Jihye which one she would want," Kim Dokja suggested. "Or I can text Han Sooyoung and pretend you're buying her one as a token of appreciation for her efforts; I'm sure she'll have a spreadsheet of every add-on she wants compiled and ranked in descending order by price before the sun even sets."

"I'll text Lee Jihye."

On Wednesday, Kim Dokja went downstairs after a morning holed up in the room he shared with Yoo Joonghyuk and found a plate of orange slices on the counter. He and Yoo Joonghyuk were the only ones home, so naturally he assumed the other man was going to have them for lunch later as part of some vegan cleansing routine and left them alone.

"Do you not eat fruit?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked him later that afternoon.

Kim Dokja was taken-aback by the weird question. "I'm not a 17th century ship captain or Kim Namwoon." The crease between Yoo Joonghyuk's brows deepened in confusion. "I mean yes, I do eat fruit, because I don't want to get scurvy."

"You're not going to get scurvy."

"Because I eat fruit, yes."

"Not oranges." 

Wait, was that what this whole interrogation was about? Why couldn't Yoo Joonghyuk have offered the orange to him like a normal person instead of leaving it out on the counter like dog food? "Sorry, I didn't realize they were for me."

"They weren't for you," said Yoo Joonghyuk, but he was clearly being petty.

Kim Dokja's lips curved up into a fond smile. "Thanks anyway."

They sat down at the kitchen table and finished the orange slices together in peaceful silence. It reminded him of when they were little, and they'd eat lunch together on lazy Sunday afternoons in his room, watching the dust in the air shimmer in the golden rays of the sun like wisps of memories. Being with Yoo Joonghyuk always felt like coming home.

The next day, Kim Dokja decided to repay the favour. There weren't any oranges left but there were apples, so he took one out of the fridge and placed it neatly on a plate. He was about to take it upstairs like that when he realized he should probably peel it and slice it. He personally didn't mind eating apples whole, but someone as nitpicky as Yoo Joonghyuk would probably take offense to that. He got off to a shaky start with peeling the apple, and lopped off a lot more fruit than what was normal. He was about to slice it normally when he remembered a pretentious fact he had read in an online article a few years ago: there was a star hidden inside every apple. 

You deserve a gold star for having the largest ego in the house, he mused as he cut into the apple horizontally. The article was right, there was a star in the middle of each apple round, and it suited someone as self-important as Yoo Joonghyuk perfectly. Kim Dokja imagined him biting into one like a doughnut, and had to hide his smile so he didn't look like a lunatic in front of the surveillance cameras.

The egotistical brat in question had isolated himself in his room upstairs after eating lunch with him, and Kim Dokja had no idea what he was currently up to. Maybe he was streaming. Maybe he was sleeping. Maybe he was jerking off. It was anyone's guess, really.

Kim Dokja knocked on the door, gave Yoo Joonghyuk five seconds to tuck his dick back in his pants etc., then opened it. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting in front of his computer with his headphones on, and he glanced over his shoulder at the sound of the door opening. As Kim Dokja drew nearer, he noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk was in fact streaming, though he seemed to have paused whatever game he was playing when he entered the room. The webcam on his computer was off, but there was a whole microphone contraption set up on his desk. 

On the computer screen in front of him, the viewers of the stream seemed confused about why Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly stopped talking.

[ ??? ]

[ I don't hear anything right now did the stream glitch ]

[ no he paused the game ]

[ Why does he never turn on his camera for fuck's sake I didn't come here to watch him play a computer game ]

[ Yo YJH are you not going to keep playing??? ]

[ I LOVE U JONGHYUK-OPPA!!! ]

[ Did your girlfriend just come into your room? ]

[ ?????? ]

[ what’d I miss??? ]

[ nothing's happening... ]

[ Is it glitching ]

[ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ]

[ What's going on right now? ]

[ did your mom come in ]

"Stop spamming useless questions," Yoo Joonghyuk said into his microphone, which of course only invited more useless questions. It was hard to tell if his stream watchers had masochistic or sadistic tendencies or both.

Kim Dokja set the apple slices down on Yoo Joonghyuk's desk and mimed picking one up and taking a bite of it. Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him, then looked down at the fruit, unimpressed. "Did you cut the apple horizontally?" he asked.

'Stop talking to me and go back to your stream,' Kim Dokja mouthed at him, gesturing towards his computer.

"You're supposed to cut it vertically. You didn't remove all of the peel properly either."

There was something seriously wrong with Yoo Joonghyuk's head. "What are you, the Apple Inspector?" Kim Dokja asked incredulously. 

The sound of a foreign voice in the room spurred the viewers who had nothing better to do than speculate about YJH’s romantic life into a frenzy, and the chat messages on the screen started scrolling by at a frantic pace.

"They have much higher standards than this, what I'm asking is just the bare minimum."

Was Yoo Joonghyuk actually joking with him? "You're acting strange. Did you get possessed by a tapeworm or something?"

"Tapeworms don't—" Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at his laptop, and frowned at the rapidly scrolling messages on screen. Something about them must have irked him, because he pressed his lips together and started typing furiously at his keyboard.

Kim Dokja took that as his cue to leave and started walking out the room, resolving to do an even poorer job of peeling apples next time. As he reached for the doorknob, he heard Yoo Joonghyuk speak up.

"A companion," he said.

Kim Dokja closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment, thinking of nothing and everything at once. At the end of the day, they were friends, and only friends. Or whatever 'companion' was supposed to mean.

The memory of the boy Yoo Joonghyuk used to be was the only thing keeping him going some days when he was younger, and he'd developed a selfish attachment to it. He had been in love with someone who didn't exist for a decade, and perhaps he still was. But he had no right to feel that way about the real Yoo Joonghyuk, who was not and never would belong to him; he had Lee Seolhwa now, and his sister, and everyone else he had met during the 17 years when they weren't together. The fact that he still remembered him or even considered him a friend should be enough for him. It had to be.

There were two locations they could choose between for the group date on Saturday. Han Sooyoung kept everything secret until Friday night, when she split the guys and girls into separate rooms and made them choose where they wanted to go one by one. Kim Dokja ended up sitting beside Yoo Joonghyuk on the sofa, while Lee Hyunsung and Kim Namwoon claimed the loveseat for themselves.

"Which location are you going to pick?" It was only after the words left his mouth that Kim Dokja realized how dumb the question was. "I guess it depends on where Seolhwa-ssi is more likely to go, right?"

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't reply. Lee Hyunsung glanced over at them curiously, but was distracted by Kim Namwoon showing him a video on his phone before he could say something. The two of them fell into a slightly tense silence.

"The one on the left," Yoo Joonghyuk said out of the blue.

Kim Dokja whirled around in surprise at the sound of his words. "What?"

Before he could explain, Han Sooyoung poked her head into the room and rapped her knuckles against the wall impatiently. "Kim Dokja, you're up next."

Casting one last glance over his shoulder at Yoo Joonghyuk, he got up and left the room. There were two photos pinned up on the cork board in the entrance hall downstairs. The one on the right said Forest Fantasy and featured what looked like a zipline against a background of trees and a flash of blue sky. The one on the left bore the title Urban Wonderland, and judging by the ferris wheel in the background, seemed to be an amusement park. Seriously, who was coming up with these unimaginative names? Was it Lee Jihye? Han Sooyoung would have done better.

There was no way Yoo Joonghyuk would have known what the locations were going to be beforehand (Han Sooyoung would never let that happen), and it was even more unlikely he knew the order in which the photos were pinned up on the board. Besides, even if he was understanding Yoo Joonghyuk correctly, what was the point of them going on the same date together when he would just be third wheeling him and Lee Seolhwa? 

And yet despite everything, he found himself saying, "Urban Wonderland."

***

[Constellation Observatory]

Jung Heewon walked down the hallway and stopped in front of the pinned-up photos, crossing her arms over the chest. After a moment of silence, she turned around and asked the camera, "Which one did Hyunsung-ssi pick? Oh, you can't tell me? Then which ticket is more expensive?"

[Sun Wukong]: Is she trying to bankrupt Han PD?

[Uriel]: I think the amusement park tickets are more expensive.

Jung Heewon looked disappointed when her second question also didn't get a satisfactory response. "Whatever," she said, shrugging. "I guess I'll go ziplining then, I think I still have repressed trauma from losing all my pocket money at carnival games when I was ten."

The scene changed, and Yoo Sangah walked into the shot with a smile on her face. "I'll choose Urban Wonderland. I haven't been to an amusement park in a while, and it seems like it'll be fun. See you then!" She waved at the camera and walked out of the shot.

The scene transitioned to a close up of Jang Hayoung.

[Yi Sunsin]: She doesn't look very cheerful today. 

[Bihyung]: I mean, things haven't exactly been going well in the romantic sense for her recently.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Kim Namwoon would pick the amusement park—

[Uriel]: More reason for her not to choose that location then.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Why do people always interrupt me?

"I pick Forest Fantasy," Jang Hayoung said wryly. "If I'm going to be third wheeling either way, I'd rather pick an event that doesn't require you to partner up for almost every single ride."

[Bihyung]: That's true. There's a ferris wheel at the amusement park, and that might lead to unnecessary awkwardness when they have to decide who to ride with. 

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: But if she doesn't go, Kim Namwoon won't have a partner for the ferris wheel!

[Sun Wukong]: He can go with J*hye.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Who the fuck is J*hye?

[Uriel]: I swear we've had this exact conversation before.

Standing in front of the wall, Lee Seolhwa closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath in. When she opened her eyes again, the storm in them had cleared. "Urban Wonderland sounds fun," she said airily.

[Uriel]: I’m surprised she picked the amusement park, I thought she would have preferred going somewhere outdoors instead.

[Sun Wukong]: Isn’t it more likely Yoo Joonghyuk would choose the outdoors location too? 

[Bihyung]: We've actually got a pretty even split here: Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Sangah chose Urban Wonderland, while Jang Hayoung and Jung Heewon chose Forest Fantasy. I wonder if the guys will also divide themselves up this evenly?

[Yi Sunsin]: I feel like Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Hyunsung might prefer a more active event, while Kim Dokja would choose the amusement park. I’m not that sure about Kim Namwoon, however.

[Sun Wukong]: Lee Hyunsung would definitely go ziplining because he knows it’s extremely likely Jung Heewon chose that location.

Yoo Joonghyuk appeared and walked over to the photos on the wall. His gaze scanned over them, and it took him less than a second to make his decision. "The one on the left."

Chapter Text

"Are you not coming with us to the amusement park today?" Kim Dokja asked as Han Sooyoung passed him his wireless microphone setup for the day. 

"You do know that Yoo Joonghyuk hates me and I hate him, right?" asked Han Sooyoung, deadpan. "I'm not going to subject myself to his presence unless absolutely necessary. I'll be seeing a lot of that bastard in the future, so I need to limit our interactions when possible."

"Is he going on another show of yours after this one?"

Han Sooyoung groaned. "You're a fool, Kim Dokja." Annoyed at how slow he was, she grabbed the mic from his hands and pinned it to his collar for him roughly.

"How so?"

"You'll figure it out eventually."

They made their way to the living room where everyone else was already waiting. Han Sooyoung split off from him to go join the camera crew that were going to be filming the trip to the mountains today, while he sat down beside Yoo Sangah, who was wearing a large brimmed sun hat. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting with Lee Seolhwa, and she was talking to him with a grin as he listened carefully to whatever she was saying. Kim Dokja looked away.

"Who's driving us there?" asked Kim Namwoon. He was also part of the group going to the amusement park today.

"Use your head, Kim Namwoon," Jung Heewon replied. "Seolhwa-ssi, Sangah-ssi, and Dokja-ssi don't have cars and you can't drive. How else do you think you're going to get there, by boat?"

Kim Namwoon scowled at her. "I wasn't asking you. You're not even coming with us."

"Because I didn't want to babysit you," Jung Heewon shot back. "You should ask Joonghyuk-ssi to get you a baby seat for his car because you clearly have the IQ of a toddler."

Kim Namwoon was rolling up his sleeves when Lee Jihye walked into the room, her long ponytail swinging behind her like a pendulum. "Long time no see, unnie," she said cheerfully, sliding into place beside Jung Heewon. "Are you going to the amusement park today?"

"I'm actually going ziplining. How were your exams?"

Lee Jihye shrugged one shoulder. "They were whatever. I don't really want to talk about them."

"Fair enough."

Kim Namwoon cleared his throat loudly, making Lee Jihye turn around and glare at him. "Hey. Which location are you going to today?"

"The amusement park."

"You should ride with us then, we're going there too," Kim Namwoon insisted, eyes bright with thinly veiled anticipation.

"I'm afraid there are only five seats in Joonghyuk-ssi's car, Namwoon," said Yoo Sangah.

"Oh..."

"Perfect, Jihye," said Jung Heewon, "you should go with them and take Kim Namwoon's spot in the car. He can sit in the trunk."

"HEY!"

"No one's going to be violating any traffic laws under my watch," announced Han Sooyoung, materializing out of thin air. "Hurry up and get going, those premium passes were expensive as hell and you all better use up your 10 chances to skip the line before the park closes. And don't you dare lose your microphones by accident or on purpose, because I will make you pay both financially and physically. I'm leaving them in your hands, Jihye."

"Don't worry, Sooyoung-unnie, I'll make sure everything goes smoothly," said Lee Jihye, raising her hand up in a perfect salute.

"Me too," said Kim Namwoon, sneaking a look at her. "I'll help keep Kim Dokja in line for you, Han PD."

Lee Jihye rolled her eyes. "As if I need your help to keep that ahjussi in check."

"I think you're both more unreliable than I am," said Kim Dokja.

"Fuck you." "Whatever."

"Have a safe trip, guys," said Han Sooyoung, putting extra emphasis on the word 'safe'.

They left the house and headed for Yoo Joonghyuk's black car, which was parked neatly on the driveway. Every time Kim Dokja saw it he was...underwhelmed.

"I always thought you'd own something flashy like a Ferrari or Lamborghini," said Kim Dokja, circling the vehicle in disappointment. He patted the hood of the car like one might pat a horse's head. "It's a lot smaller than what I remember from our trip to the mall."

"Hyung doesn't need to overcompensate for anything!" Kim Namwoon said angrily.

"You're the one who said it, not me."

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored them and got in the driver's seat, and Lee Seolhwa naturally sat beside him upfront. Lee Jihye was riding with the camera crew so the three of them fit perfectly into the back of the car, with Kim Namwoon in the middle and Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah flanking him on either side. The whole experience felt like a bizarre family road trip, with Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk as the parents, Kim Namwoon as the rebellious teenage son, Yoo Sangah as his big sister, and Kim Dokja as that one weird, unmarried uncle who kept inviting himself on their family vacations. 

Speaking of uncles... "I don't understand why Lee Jihye insists on calling me ahjussi," said Kim Dokja.

"I'm sure she's just joking with you, I wouldn't worry too much about it, Dokja-ssi. You actually look rather young for your age."

"Thank you, Sangah-ssi."

"It's because you give off ahjussi vibes," Kim Namwoon said bluntly.

Didn't Lee Jihye say the same thing to him before? Kim Dokja was bewildered by this blatant discrimination against him. "How do I give off ahjussi vibes?"

"You dress like an old man."

"How am I supposed to dress then? Like Yoo Joonghyuk?"

"Well yeah," said Kim Namwoon.

Yoo Joonghyuk met his eyes in the rearview mirror, and Kim Dokja smiled innocently at him. "Why would I want to look like a retired National Intelligence Service agent with a drinking problem?"

Yoo Sangah stifled a giggle in her palm.

"I don't have a drinking problem," Yoo Joonghyuk said crossly.

"I know, it was a figure of speech." 

"Wearing all-black during the summer is a rather bold choice," said Lee Seolhwa, looking over at Yoo Joonghyuk. They could all hear the smile in her voice. "Are you not afraid of getting heat stroke, Joonghyuk-ssi?"

"I don't get heat stroke."

"You could try wearing other colours more often, I think white would suit you nicely."

"It doesn't make a difference."

"You're so stubborn," she teased. "That reminds me, I was talking with Hyunsung-ssi the other day and..."

The scenery outside the window was passing them by in blurs of green and blue and gray as the car sped down the highway. Kim Dokja could see his own reflection on the window pane beside him, and he knew its eyes were probably shadowed.

"Hey, can we open the sunroof?" asked Kim Namwoon.

Yoo Joonghyuk pressed a button and the sunroof on the ceiling of the car slowly slid open, spilling molten sunshine onto the crest of Kim Namwoon's head.

But he wasn't satisfied yet. "Hyung, you should turn up the air conditioning now that the window's open. Not that high! A bit lower. That's too low, higher than that. Yep. Thanks."

After a while of sitting directly underneath the burning sun, Kim Namwoon started getting antsy again. "Can you close the sunroof? My hair feels like it's on fire."

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Yoo Joonghyuk obliged him.

"You should turn down the AC, it's too cold in here."

"Don't bother Joonghyuk-ssi when he's driving," Lee Seolhwa chided.

"How am I bothering him?"

Kim Dokja was sure Kim Namwoon was the most annoying child Yoo Joonghyuk had ever encountered, and the fact that he continued to humour him without complaining said more about his character than anything else. He noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at him in the rearview mirror again, and raised an eyebrow at him.

"How far are we from Star World?" he asked.

"20 minutes."

"Hyung, let's put some music on," Kim Namwoon piped up.

They spent the rest of the trip going through every radio station in Seoul and every track in Kim Namwoon's phone in an effort to find a song that wasn't boring by his ridiculous standards. Thankfully, they arrived at the amusement park before Yoo Joonghyuk snapped and threw Kim Namwoon off the bridge, keeping the total amount of casualties on this show at zero.

After meeting up with the cameramen and double-checking their passes, they were all ready to go. Both park staff and visitors alike gawked at their ragtag crew as they passed by; although it wasn't unusual to see vloggers or film crews shooting at the amusement park, it was unusual for someone of Yoo Joonghyuk's level of attractiveness to be present. Their only saving grace was that no one had recognized him yet—after all, the majority of his fans clearly preferred indoor activities over outdoor ones.

They couldn't film most of the rides due to technical and legal limitations, so the cameramen had to make do with filming their interactions from afar as they made their way from one line to another. If it weren't for Han Sooyoung's premium passes, they would probably be stuck in lines for hours. 

Most of the rides had seats in pairs, so naturally Yoo Joonghyuk partnered up with Lee Seolhwa and Kim Dokja partnered up with Yoo Sangah, which meant Kim Namwoon was on his own and had to sit with random strangers. He was too proud to say anything about it, but it was hard not to notice the dejected look on his face in the background of their roller coaster photos. 

"Namwoon, do you want to sit with Joonghyuk-ssi next ride?" Lee Seolhwa asked him as they paused for a bathroom break under the shade of a lonely tree.

"No!" shouted Kim Namwoon. "I mean, I don't want to break you two up." 

"It's alright, we don't mind."

"Still, I could never betray your trust like that," he said in a solemn voice.

"It's a roller coaster ride, Namwoon."

"Sitting with Yoo Joonghyuk for one ride doesn't automatically equal elopement," Kim Dokja added.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him an unimpressed look, which Kim Dokja interpreted as 'I don't have time for this nonsense' and casually decided to ignore.

"If you want, I can sit out the next ride and you can sit beside Dokja-ssi," offered Yoo Sangah.

Kim Namwoon sighed. "It's okay, noona, I'd rather sit alone."

Lee Jihye, who had been hovering near the cameramen the whole time, stepped forward and interrupted him. "How about this, I'll sit next to you for the rest of the rides, so stop whining and hurry up. We've got a tight schedule today."

Kim Namwoon's face lit up with newfound hope. It was kind of painful to watch, but then again, young love inevitably came with a side of awkwardness, which Kim Dokja could attest to.

"I didn't know you had a premium pass," said Kim Namwoon, sounding bashful.

"Most of the camera crew have premium passes," Lee Jihye replied. She flipped her ponytail over her shoulder. "How else do you think we were going to be able to film you guys on the Ferris wheel tonight?"

"Oh. Right."

"Is it alright for you to be in the shot?" Lee Seolhwa asked her.

"They can censor my face in the final cut. Probably. Either way, I'm feeling pretty confident about my outfit today, so I don't mind."

Now that Kim Namwoon was satisfied, the party of six continued onto the next roller coaster with renewed vigour. 

Maybe there's going to be three successful couples on Han Sooyoung's show after all, Kim Dokja mused as he watched Yoo Joonghyuk help Lee Seolhwa tighten her seatbelt in the row in front of him. Good for them.

"Are you ready, Dokja-ssi?" asked Yoo Sangah. The end of her silky braid brushed against his shoulders, and her hair smelled of lavender and vanilla. There was nothing but blue sky and the wind around them as the roller coaster reached the peak of its track.

"I am."

There was a moment when the roller coaster sped down its tracks where he felt weightless, as though he were falling through the air again. Kim Dokja could see the back of Yoo Joonghyuk's head in front of him, just out of reach.

Yoo Sangah was a good person, but she wasn't the person he wanted beside him.

After two more rides and a lot of failed attempts at flirting from Kim Namwoon, the group decided to take a break from the attractions and have lunch in the picnic area first. In an unexpected display of generosity, Yoo Joonghyuk had prepared lunch for everyone, though some individuals were too busy sneaking longing looks at their crushes to eat. The food was the most health-conscious Kim Dokja had eaten in a while, and he could feel his cholesterol levels dropping with every bite. If Yoo Joonghyuk weren't a pro gamer or a chef, he could be a bodybuilder. His cup size was—no, he shouldn't go there.

"Can I steal a slice of cucumber from your lunchbox?" asked Lee Seolhwa, smiling sweetly at Yoo Joonghyuk.

He seemed exasperated at her request, but obliged anyway and let her chopsticks take what they came for. Kim Dokja could almost imagine what the viewers would be saying about this scene once it aired. It was a picture-perfect relationship.

"Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah was watching him with a glimmer of curiosity in her eyes. "How did you like the rides so far?"

To be honest, he had been too busy thinking about other things to pay attention to what was happening around him. "They were alright, the one with the water was interesting. Is there a particular ride you want to go on?"

Yoo Sangah was in charge of the map, which was a technicolour mess of visual pollution that Kim Dokja had taken one glance at before hastily looking away to spare his eyesight. Having been here multiple times during her childhood, she was pretty familiar with where everything was located and had devised a plan to get the most out of their trip.

"I'm looking forward to the drop tower the most, it's been a while since I was last on it. Did you know it's the highest drop tower in all of Asia?“

"How many stories is it?"

"I remember reading in the guide that it's 70 metres tall, so around 20?"

Kim Namwoon tore his eyes away from Lee Jihye and joined in on their conversation. "Are you scared, Kim Dokja?" he drawled. "You'd be a human pancake if the ride malfunctioned while you're on it."

"Why would I be scared?" Kim Dokja asked calmly. "If you think about it, the probability of that happening is miniscule compared to the probability of me getting into a car accident on the way home or falling off a roof—"

Yoo Joonghyuk slammed the lid onto his lunchbox, cracking the plastic and startling everyone. Was he really that offended Kim Dokja dared to imply he was a bad driver?

Lee Seolhwa was the one to break the ice following Yoo Joonghyuk's outburst. "Are you done eating, Joonghyuk-ssi?"

He inclined his head and began packing up his things without a word. The rest of them soon finished eating and also packed up their lunchboxes, though Kim Namwoon needed a pseudo-Heimlich maneouvre from Lee Seolhwa to dislodge the cherry tomato stuck in his throat before he could get up.

"Should we go try out the carnival games next?" asked Yoo Sangah. She handed their picnic equipment to the staff members who were going to be holding onto it for them with a quiet word of thanks. "That might be easier on the camera crew too, since there's not much to film when all we're doing is standing in line."

None of them had any reason to argue against her, so they naturally made their way over to the stalls.

"I'm a pro at these types of games," boasted Kim Namwoon. "I once cleared out a whole stall at a carnival."

"That's amazing," Lee Seolhwa said encouragingly. They stopped in front of a game of plate smash. "I can never win anything at this game no matter how many times I try."

Kim Namwoon puffed his chest out proudly. "Don't worry noona, you can count on me. Which plushie do you want? I'll get it for you."

When was the last time Kim Dokja heard someone bragging about their prowess at rigged games again? Right, it was Lee Jihye. Huh. Maybe the two of them were meant to be.

And just like Lee Jihye, Kim Namwoon spoke too soon. "This shit is rigged," he complained, slamming his hand onto the counter. "I hit my target, so why didn't it break?"

The theme park employee shrugged. "Maybe you're not hitting it at the right angle."

"That's bullshit!"

As Kim Namwoon continued to argue with the employee, Yoo Sangah drew her arm back and threw her baseball. It flew through the air in a graceful arc and hit her target dead on, but the plate didn't break. With a light frown, Yoo Sangah passed her last ball to him. "Do you want to try throwing it, Dokja-ssi?" 

"Sure." Kim Dokja knew even before the ball left his hand that he would miss, and he was right. "Sorry about that."

"It's alright, I'm sure we'll get it eventually."

They exchanged amicable smiles, and then exchanged money with the employee. However, they weren't the only ones taking a hit to their finances today. 

After paying for eight more balls and still failing to beat the game, Kim Namwoon gave up and asked for outside assistance. "Hyung, can you do something about this? Seolhwa-noona wants the ladybug plushie."

Yoo Joonghyuk, who had been standing off to the side glaring at anyone who dared to look twice at him, turned around and walked towards him. Kim Namwoon eagerly passed him his baseball.

"Which target is yours?"

"Third row, second from the right."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even pause to aim before throwing the ball in a casual toss that carried an overwhelming amount of hidden power behind it. The plate bearing a smiling dokkaebi logo shattered into a million pieces with a huge bang, scattering plastic shards all over the ground.

"Get the ladybug," he said to the gaping employee.

Things continued like this for a while. Kim Namwoon would try a game, fail to win anything, and then ask for Yoo Joonghyuk's help as everyone else watched on in amusement. The cameramen were getting plenty of footage alright, though it was mostly just footage of Yoo Joonghyuk absolutely destroying random carnival games while real children (and Kim Namwoon) gawked at him.

But Kim Namwoon refused Yoo Joonghyuk's help on the last game, claiming that this was something he needed to do himself. 70,000 won and a whole bunch of curses that would need to be censored in post-production later, he finally won the prize he was after. With the oversized dragon plushie tucked under his arm, he made his way confidently to where the production staff were standing and stuffed the dragon into Lee Jihye's arms.

"It's for you."

Lee Jihye's face was frozen in a look of surprise. "How did you know I like dragons?"

"I, uh, overheard you talking about it last time at the party." He scratched his head sheepishly. "You were saying something about a doll machine? I dunno."

"...Thanks, I guess."

Kim Namwoon cleared his throat and looked away, flushing. "You're welcome."

A few metres away, Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk were sitting on a bench under a tree watching the stilted courtship ritual take place. Or at least Kim Dokja was watching them, he had no idea where Yoo Joonghyuk was looking. "It's like watching your children grow up," he commented.

Yoo Joonghyuk followed his gaze and frowned at the sight he saw. "Kim Namwoon and Lee Jihye?"

"Yes."

"I thought you didn't like Lee Jihye."

"Of course I like her," Kim Dokja said with a straight face. "It's always good to know there's a teenager out there who thinks of me as an ahjussi, I'm beyond flattered."

Yoo Joonghyuk let out a light huff that sounded like a laugh, and Kim Dokja smiled to himself. They sat there in silence for a few more moments, watching Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Sangah play whack-a-dokkaebi, a game the latter was extraordinarily skilled at.

"Hand," Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly said.

Kim Dokja glanced over at him. "What?"

"Give me your hand."

He passed his hand to Yoo Joonghyuk, who dropped something into the centre of his palm. Kim Dokja stared down at the white plastic squid in his hand. Its bulging black eyes stared back. It was offensively ugly, so ugly in fact that it wrapped around and became strangely cute.

"When did you get this?" asked Kim Dokja, turning the keychain over in his hand.

"When you were talking to Yoo Sangah."

Was it his imagination, or did Yoo Joonghyuk sound slightly bitter? 

"You were busy talking to Lee Seolhwa as well," he shot back.

Kim Dokja regretted the words as soon as they slipped out of his mouth, but it was too late. However, he was also relieved, having finally said what had been on his mind this entire time.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately respond. "She's a good person," he said after a long pause.

"She is, isn't she."

The cold metal of the keychain dug into Kim Dokja's palm as he closed his fingers around it. When he looked up again, he noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him closely.

"You're different," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Am I not a good person?"

"Kim Dokja." Yoo Joonghyuk's dark eyes were filled with an unfathomable emotion. "You..."

A hand landed on Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder, and the tension in the atmosphere evaporated. "Which ride are we going on next, hyung?" asked Kim Namwoon, leaning forward into the space in-between them. There was a pleased flush on his cheeks that hadn't completely faded yet. 

Yoo Joonghyuk stood up abruptly and walked away, and Kim Namwoon hastily chased after him. "Hyung! Where are you going?"

Kim Dokja sat there on the bench for a long time, wondering what Yoo Joonghyuk had meant by his sentence.

"If we head over to Dokkaebi Kingdom now, the drop tower and the wooden coaster are both along the way," said Yoo Sangah. They were huddled around her in a loose circle as they discussed the best way to spend the rest of the afternoon. "And we'll be able to finish our evening at the Ferris wheel as planned."

"So does this mean we should take the path on the left?" Scanning the area around them, Lee Seolhwa's eyes settled on Kim Dokja's collar, and she blinked in confusion. "Dokja-ssi, where's your microphone?"

Shit. Kim Dokja's heart plummeted to his feet as he realized he had just drastically shortened his lifespan. He didn't even want to think about what Han Sooyoung might do to him if he lost it. "I think I left it on the bench near the carnival games, I'll go back and get it. You guys can go on without me, I'll meet you at the drop tower later." 

"Are you sure, Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah frowned. "We can wait for you here."

It was kind of her to offer, but he didn't want to inconvenience them for something that was entirely his fault. "It's fine, you guys can get in line for the ride first and save a spot for me," he said, shooting her an encouraging smile. "It shouldn't take too long anyway."

"Now who's the most unreliable person here?" Kim Namwoon asked smugly.

Lee Seolhwa smacked him lightly over the head. "Don't joke about these things, this is a serious issue. Dokja-ssi might never recover financially."

Fortunately for Kim Dokja, one of the production staff members had stayed behind with the lost microphone to keep an eye on it, and he wouldn't need to sell a kidney to quell Han Sooyoung's wrath. As he made his way back to the crossroads where they had parted, he discovered that he had a new dilemma on his hands: he couldn't remember which way the group had gone.

"Do you know which path I should take to get back to where they are?" he asked the cameraman and staff member following him.

"Can't say."

Seriously, these people...there was no harm in giving him a hint, was there? After deliberating for a few seconds, Kim Dokja made up his mind and took the path on the right. Everything seemed to be going fine at first, and he could see the drop tower in the distance. But then suddenly the road took a sharp turn and he found himself getting further and further from that landmark. He tried to retrace his steps, but he had passed through so many intersections at this point that he'd ended up in a section of the park he didn't even recognize. 

"Excuse me," he said to an employee selling dokkaebi-shaped balloons, "do you know how to get to the drop tower?"

"Of course! If you take the path on your left, then take a right turn once you get past the ferris wheel, then make a U-turn at the big cotton candy stand and walk through the garden beside the fountain until you see the dokkaebi dressed as a penguin--the big statue, not the small one--then turn right again and walk down that path, you'll be in Dokkaebi Kingdom and you should see the tower in the distance."

"Of course," Kim Dokja said faintly.

The signs around him were no help either. Every ride in this godforsaken place was represented on the map by a different hideously dressed dokkaebi sporting an equally hideous cutesy name that had no correlation to the rides themselves whatsoever. It was like taking the reading comprehension section of the CSAT all over again but with no rewards except humiliation.

Kim Dokja loitered in front of the park map for a solid five minutes, earning himself impatient stares from passersby who only gave him equally convoluted responses when he asked them for directions. Finally, he caved and admitted defeat.

"Can you call the others and ask them where they are?" Kim Dokja asked, exasperated. Due to the rules of the show and the texting gimmick, he didn't have anyone's contact information. "Or at least tell them I'll wait for them beside the lovely statue of a dokkaebi cannibalizing his friend?"

The staff member shook her head. "We're not allowed to interfere, or else the show wouldn't be authentic. Also, the dokkaebis are hugging."

It took a lot of self-control not to say something sponsor-unfriendly in front of the camera pointed at him. "You don't seriously need footage of a grown man getting lost, do you? I'm sure there are more exciting things for you to air."

She pretended not to hear him.

Kim Dokja sighed and sat down on the grass under a nearby tree. He wasn't that familiar with what to do when separated from your group at an amusement park since he had never been to one before, but he assumed his best bet would be to stay put and hope someone more competent found him. Besides, so much time had passed that they were probably done the ride and would be long gone even if he finally managed to find his way over.

After a while he realized he could take this opportunity to catch up on the webnovel serializations he was missing, and reached into his pocket to pull out his phone. Instead, his fingers brushed against hard metal: it was the keychain Yoo Joonghyuk had given him earlier. 

Why squid?  Kim Dokja thought absently as he trailed his finger along the links in the metal chain. Is it because I keep calling him sunfish? 

It felt...nice, sharing something like this with him, even if it was just a dumb joke that didn't make any sense. It felt special.

Kim Dokja thought about meeting Yoo Joonghyuk again and feeling weirdly disappointed that the stranger seemed hostile towards him, even though he had no reason to expect his friendship. He thought about seeing Yoo Joonghyuk at the mall and feeling happier in those few moments with him than he had been the entire morning with Jang Hayoung. He thought about how he told him good night in the darkness, how he always slept better with him in the same room. He thought about him telling everyone that his first love was a boy. He thought about Yoo Joonghyuk waiting for him to wake up so they could have dinner together and showing him around the island even though he hated it, just because Kim Dokja wanted to know more about his past. He thought about every time Yoo Joonghyuk understood what he was trying to say before he even opened his mouth, and how he always treated him with uncharacteristic gentleness.

‘Home’ was an intangible thing, but it existed, and would continue to exist, forever. It was a dumpling, an orange, a 'good night'. It was a shell from the sea, a keychain saved for him, a postcard covered in childish writing. It was the way the sunlight caught on Yoo Joonghyuk's hair when he turned around and laced the black strands through with gold. It was 'welcome back', and it was 'I promise'. It was Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Kim Dokja."

He slowly lifted up his head and met those familiar dark eyes. The man's wavy hair looked windswept and his breaths were coming quicker than usual, as though he ran the whole way here.

It wasn't a hallucination this time.

"I was waiting for you," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja had been waiting for him too, all these years.

"Let's go," he heard himself say.

Joonghyuk came back for him.

***

"I'm sorry we went on the ride without you two," Yoo Sangah said when they met up with the rest of the group. She seemed genuinely apologetic. "We had already reached the front of the line and the people behind us were being rather insistent, so we thought we might as well."

Kim Dokja understood the implied 'Kim Namwoon was being pushy and we had to shut him up somehow' and gave her a reassuring smile. "It's alright, it was my fault for losing my mic in the first place. Yoo Joonghyuk and I can find another way to use our tickets later."

He bought a bottle of iced water from a vending machine nearby and walked towards Yoo Joonghyuk, who was sitting on a bench with his classic resting bitch face activated.

Kim Dokja squished the bottle of water against Yoo Joonghyuk's cheek. "Drink this before you get heat stroke."

"I don't get heat stroke," Yoo Joonghyuk repeated stubbornly. Despite saying so, he reached out and took the bottle of water offered to him.

"You're human, of course you can get heat stroke." He waited for him to finish drinking before asking, "Why don't you take your jacket off?" 

Yoo Joonghyuk took his jacket off. The number of lustful looks he got from random passersby increased multi-fold. 

"Actually, maybe you should keep your jacket on."

In the evening, they finally reached the figurative climax of their day, the Ride to end all Rides, the Once and Future Ride: the Ferris wheel.

Kim Dokja saw Kim Namwoon standing off to the side by himself, and decided to extend an olive branch to him. "Do you want to share a cabin with me and Sangah-ssi?" he asked.

"No thanks." Kim Namwoon strode confidently towards the camera crew. "Lee Jihye," he called out. "Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel with me?"

Lee Jihye was about to say no when her gaze landed on the stuffed dragon that was sitting on the mound of other plushies the staff members were carting around. She pursed her lips. "Fine. But only if you buy me ice cream afterwards."

"Deal."

"I'm going to order the most expensive one on the menu," she warned.

"A deal's a deal."

Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah shared a conspiratorial look.

"It's good to see them finally getting along," she said, amused. "They seem like a good match."

"That's true."

Just going on it was embarrassing enough, but the fact that their cameramen were going in the cabins with them made the awkwardness practically unbearable. Even Yoo Sangah's composure cracked a little when the cameraman squeezed his way into their cabin, his equipment propped up on his shoulder.

"Don't mind me," said the cameraman when he caught them staring. "I'm just doing my job."

With a small shudder, the ferris wheel began to move and their cabin rose through the air. The people and stalls on the ground shrunk until they looked like multi-coloured ants and matchboxes scattered across the pavement. Kim Dokja saw the bench he and Yoo Joonghyuk sat on earlier, along with the tree he found him under, and the parking lot where their car was parked. But Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa had gotten into the cabin above him, and he couldn't see them from here.

"How was your week, Sangah-ssi?" he asked.

She tugged out the hairband holding her braid together and shook her hair loose. "It went well, though I did have a lot of work to catch up on because of my vacation." She laughed lightly. "However, I'm starting to realize I might not want to work at a place like Mino Soft forever."

"Is there something else you'd rather do?"

Yoo Sangah hummed, tapping her finger against her chin. "Well, I actually really enjoy filming the commercials right now. Maybe I'll try going into acting? Sooyoung-ssi mentioned the other day that she has some connections in the industry and might be able to get me an audition."

Now that he thought about it, Yoo Sangah did seem to have an innate talent for acting—she always managed to fool everyone (except Yoo Joonghyuk) with her poker face whenever they played board games in the evenings. And the few times she mimicked scenes from the historical dramas she was watching for them, her impressions of the actress Min Jiwon had always been spot-on, much to Yoo Joonghyuk's inexplicable dismay.

"You should do what makes you happy," said Kim Dokja. "I think you would be a great actress."

She beamed at him. "Thank you for the vote of confidence. By the way, did you hear about the rules for tomorrow?"

Kim Dokja did hear Han Sooyoung talking about it yesterday, but he was too busy bickering with Yoo Joonghyuk to listen. "It's the girls' turn to come up with individual dates, isn't it? Are we still using the same system from the first weekend, with the cards?"

"We are, but this time the girls get to invite a guy directly, and they're not allowed to refuse the invitation." Yoo Sangah combed through her hair with her fingers and pulled it back in a low ponytail. "So I wanted to ask you about it beforehand, in case you would prefer I asked someone else instead."

"Sangah-ssi—"

"Do you want to come see a movie with me tomorrow as friends?"

He paused. "As friends?"

"Of course." Yoo Sangah tilted her head to the side. "Don't worry, I can make it obvious that it's a platonic outing so no one misunderstands."

Kim Dokja knew who she was talking about, and was thankful she didn't say it in front of the camera. 

"Please don't feel obligated to say yes if you don't want to," she continued, "I can always ask someone else or go alone. I was planning to see the movie on my own tomorrow either way, and having a friend with me is just a bonus."

He knew from the earnest look in her eyes and the openness of her words that she was telling the truth. Kim Dokja wasn't sure how Yoo Sangah found out about him and Yoo Joonghyuk, but he was glad that she knew and seemed to have accepted it. He didn't want to hurt her, since he did consider her a friend.

"It's fine, I'm free tomorrow." He would rather spend the day with a friend than alone in the house, since everyone else would be busy with their own dates. "What's the movie called?"

"Falling Blossoms in the Dark. It's a psychological horror movie, and I think it was based on a webnovel. Have you heard about it before, Dokja-ssi?"

What a small world. "Briefly. I'm looking forward to seeing it," he said, grinning.

"That's great to hear." 

Their cabin touched the sky and lingered there for a moment before beginning its slow descent back down to the earth.

"Ever since we came back from the trip, you've seemed a lot happier."

"I have?"

"Yes." Yoo Sangah's kind smile glowed with the light of the setting sun. "I'm glad there's someone out there who can make you happy, Dokja-ssi. I hope I'll be able to meet that person for me someday."

"I'm sure you will."

The Ferris wheel came to a stop, and they left the cabin lighter than when they entered. 

Their group migrated to a small outdoors cafe after getting off the Ferris wheel and sat down at the wooden tables outside. Kim Dokja was sitting opposite Yoo Joonghyuk, who was continuing his killer robot cosplay by declining to order anything to drink. 

"What should we do next?" asked Kim Namwoon, stretching his arms above his head with a loud yawn. "We've been on all the rides and used up all our skip-the-line chances, there's nothing else to do. When are we going to go home?"

Lee Jihye drew her leg back and kicked the back of his chair, hard. "You still owe me ice cream, idiot. Or are you trying to weasel your way out of our deal?"

Kim Namwoon's yawn died in his throat and he leapt up in his seat, grabbing his soda and downing it in one go. "Right!" he coughed, hastily wiping the back of hand over his mouth. "I'm on it. Which shop do you want to go to?"

"I need to take a tour of my options first before deciding, obviously. How can I pick the most expensive one if I don't even know the average price?"

"...You've been spending too much time with Jung Heewon."

"Heewon-unnie is the best, you just don't know how to appreciate her."

Bickering, Kim Namwoon and Lee Jihye disappeared into the crowd with a cameraman following them.

"Does anyone want to come check out the souvenir shops with me?" asked Yoo Sangah, standing up.

Lee Seolhwa stood up and picked up her drink as well. "Sure, Sangah-ssi. Shall we?" she asked, eyes on Yoo Joonghyuk.

Yoo Sangah held out her arm and Lee Seolhwa linked their arms together before heading towards the closest shop together.

"Are you not going with them?" asked Kim Dokja.

"No," Yoo Joonghyuk said impassively. "Are you?" His eyes were calm, and there was an expectant air about him like he was waiting for him to make a choice.

"No." Kim Dokja slowly sat back down in his seat. "I don't have anything I want to buy."

They stared at each other for a while. 

"Are you really not thirsty?"

"No."

One of the cameramen behind him stepped closer, aiming the lens of his camera directly at Kim Dokja's face. The microphones pinned to their shirt were also recording their every word, making casual conversation near impossible. What if they...

"You have one ride left on your premium pass too, don't you?" asked Kim Dokja. "Do you want to go on the drop tower together?"

"I'm not interested."

Kim Dokja stood up and walked around the table to Yoo Joonghyuk. He grabbed the collar of his jacket and tugged off his microphone for him. "Come on, don't be a prude. Han Sooyoung will be pissed if she finds out you didn't make the most of your ticket."

"I couldn't care less what she thinks," Yoo Joonghyuk said as he stood up and kicked his chair out of the way. This bastard always said things that were the opposite of what he was currently thinking.

“Wait,” said a staff member, “your microphones—”

"We can't bring them on the ride with us anyway, so there's no point in us wearing it,” Kim Dokja said offhandedly. “Besides, you guys already have plenty of footage."

"Still, we'd rather you keep them on."

"Well, it's too late for that," Kim Dokja said cheerfully as he set his recording contraption down on the table (carefully, lest he break it and forfeit his right to live), with Yoo Joonghyuk following suit. "We'll be back later."

They quickly blended into the crowd of fellow park-goers before the cameramen could catch up to them. Kim Dokja had no idea how they were going to find their back to the cafe later, but hopefully Yoo Joonghyuk had a better sense of direction than he did. The few times the two of them went exploring together in their childhood, Yoo Joonghyuk had always been the one to guide them back home.

As they lined up in front of the special gate for premium pass users, Kim Dokja noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk's expression was growing increasingly sour. "You look like you just ate a lemon."

"Shut up."

"Are you scared of heights?"

"I'm not."

Kim Dokja laughed and reached up to pat the top of Yoo Joonghyuk's head reassuringly. "There, there, Joonghyuk-ah. We don't have to go on the ride if you don't want to."

He hadn't seen his death glare at its full strength in a long time. "I already said I'm not scared of heights," growled Yoo Joonghyuk. As if to prove a point, he kicked open the metal gate and strode over to the circular array of seats, pulling the bar down over his head with a loud screech.

Kim Dokja walked over and sat down in the seat beside him at a much slower pace. "It's not too late to change your mind."

"I told you to shut up."

The park employees did their rounds and locked everyone in place. With a low thrum, they started rising up into the air. 

"This is surprisingly high." He realized belatedly that Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't hear him over the sound of the wind rushing past their ears. "Never mind."

Kim Dokja's old middle school building was five stories high. This ride was four times that height. But it didn't matter, because jumping from a five story building had the same outcome as jumping from a twenty story building—you couldn't be any more dead. In a way, he was glad that he had been in his third story classroom when everything happened, otherwise he wouldn't be here today.

They reached the top of the tower, and paused there, suspended above the world beneath them. It was strange, seeing everything from this height again. Kim Dokja didn't remember much about his second year of middle school, but he remembered kneeling on the windowsill that day and marveling at how far away the ground was. In the split second before he fell, he didn't feel angry, or sad, or even relieved. What he felt instead was a deep longing, one that was carved into his bones and written into every piece of him. I want to meet you again.

The ride dropped, and someone screamed in the distance. Free fall was a peculiar state to be in; it wasn't a destination but rather a middle ground, a half-way point between the sky and the earth. Until you hit the ground, the possibilities of what was going to happen were endless. 

"—Dokja—"

Someone grabbed onto his hand, lacing their fingers together. Kim Dokja opened his eyes.

It was like everything else in the world had disappeared, and there were only the two of them left. All he could see was the light in that person's eyes, and all he could hear was the rapid thrum of his heart beating in his chest. Yoo Joonghyuk squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back. 

His feet landed on the ground. There was no pain. 

"Well, that was quite the experience," said Kim Dokja. "I think I'll stick to generic roller coasters from now on."

Neither of them brought up the fact that their hands were still intertwined. They had wordlessly come to the agreement that they were both going to...casually ignore it, for now. Kim Dokja still wasn't exactly sure what this new development meant, and perhaps Yoo Joonghyuk didn't either. That was fine. It was getting dark, and no one passing by could see much of anything anyway. Besides, he didn't want to get separated from him in the crowd again.

The night air felt cool against their heated skin as they slowly walked back to where the cafe was located. They passed by a carousel on the way there, and Kim Dokja was intrigued by the overwhelming presence of smiling dokkaebis and neon rainbows in the ride.

"You should go on it," said Kim Dokja, stopping in his tracks. He gestured with their joined hands towards the carousel. "To complete the amusement park experience."

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him like he was insane. "No."

"Are you really that insecure about your masculinity? The fluffy dokkaebis won't hurt you."

"Shut up."

Yoo Joonghyuk went on the carousel. Kim Dokja took a photo of him riding on a deranged-looking dokkaebi with his arms crossed over his chest, ignoring the death glare he got in return. He was practically immune to them by now. Yoo Joonghyuk was convinced he was going to show it to Han Sooyoung, but he wasn't. He just wanted to have something to keep after everything was over and they said their goodbyes.

When the cafe was in sight, they finally let go of each other.

That night, Kim Dokja opened up the draft of his new webnovel on his computer and wrote. The sentences were woven into existence as his fingers danced over the keyboard, inking black letters onto the white page.

[ "I don't want it to be anyone else." ]

His hands stilled.

Han Sooyoung was right; he was a fool.

[ "It has always been you." ]

It had always been Yoo Joonghyuk, and it always would be. He was the start, the middle, and the end of the story called Kim Dokja. He was in every book he wrote, and every book he would write. Time washed away a lot of things, but he knew he would never in a million years be able to forget him.

This was it, then.

Kim Dokja stared at his screen in silence for a very long time, then he pressed CTRL-F and began the monumental task of changing the female lead of his novel back into a man.

Chapter Text

Kim Dokja didn't know how long his writing session lasted, but when he finally snapped out of his daze, the sky outside his window was dark. He rolled his shoulders, hearing the quiet clicks as he loosened up his stiff joints. Deciding to take a break from his writing, he headed downstairs.

A wave of noise greeted him as he made his way into the living room, carefully avoiding the precarious mound of theme park plushies in the corner. Yoo Joonghyuk, Jang Hayoung, Yoo Sangah, and Kim Namwoon were playing video games on the sofa, and the latter was cursing up a storm and raising the average number of decibels by 5. Surprisingly, the three of them together were actually holding their own against Yoo Joonghyuk, who was playing as the Wii Fit Trainer that Kim Dokja recognized as the character he played during that brutal video game tournament two weeks ago.

But Yoo Joonghyuk was still one life ahead of everyone else, and at the rate the game was going, the Anti-Supreme-King coalition didn't stand a chance. Making up his mind, Kim Dokja silently padded across the floor to where he was sitting on the sofa. Yoo Sangah noticed him coming and winked at him. Standing behind Yoo Joonghyuk, who was engrossed in his game, he pressed his cold hands to the back of his bare neck.

Yoo Joonghyuk flinched at the touch and whirled around in surprise. "You—"

Seizing his rare moment of distraction, Jang Hayoung pounced on his video game character onscreen and punched the Wii Fit Trainer into oblivion. She cheered and shared a fist-bump with Kim Namwoon.

"Have fun taking him down, everyone," said Kim Dokja, shooting Yoo Joonghyuk a smug grin.

He ducked out of the room before Yoo Joonghyuk could grab his collar and headed outside into the back gardens, far enough that he couldn't do anything to him. Even though night had fallen, it was still warm outside. He could see a small group of cameramen and staff members having a picnic dinner on the lawn in the distance, and he was careful not to catch their attention. The mansion they lived in was located by a large pond, and as Kim Dokja walked around its perimeter, he realized with dismay that he really should have put on some bug spray.

"Good evening."

To his surprise, he saw Lee Seolhwa walking towards him on the opposite side of the trail. "Good evening," he said politely. "Are you also taking a breather before the texting segment tonight?"

"Of course." She stopped beside him. "Would you like to take a walk with me, Dokja-ssi?"

Kim Dokja was actually about to head inside, but there was something about the tone of her voice that suggested the invitation was more serious than it seemed. He nodded, and the two of them turned back in the direction of the pond. He had never properly spoken to Lee Seolhwa before, and now that the two of them were alone, he was at a loss of what to say. They honestly didn't have much in common apart from, well, Yoo Joonghyuk, and he doubted she would want to talk about him.

He was wrong.

"Were you and Joonghyuk-ssi holding hands earlier?" asked Lee Seolhwa.

She didn't sound accusing, only curious with a tinge of good-natured amusement. Kim Dokja didn't even know she had seen them at the amusement park.

Feeling his face heat, he discreetly unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt to air himself out. "We were, but it's not what you think."

"Pardon?"

"It was platonic." He knew his smile didn't reach his eyes, but it was the best he could manage right now. "He doesn't feel that way towards me; why would he? It's just something we used to do when we were younger—did he tell you we're actually childhood friends? There's a factor of nostalgia at play here. Please don't read too much into it." 

Yoo Joonghyuk had already given him a lot of things, and it wasn't fair to ask for more.

Lee Seolhwa stopped walking and turned to face him. "You should give yourself more credit, Dokja-ssi," she said, frowning.

"What do you mean?"

"You were his first love, weren't you?"

Kim Dokja's sentence died in his throat. He swallowed, mouth dry.

"He never said it directly, but I could tell he was talking about you." Lee Seolhwa tilted her head up to stare at the starry sky. "Joonghyuk-ssi and I, we spent a lot of time together the first week here. And I enjoyed every moment of it."

Kim Dokja's heart twisted at the sound of her words. He recalled being unimpressed with Yoo Joonghyuk's lashing out the first few days on the show, but he had never considered it might have been because he was suffering.

"We talked about a lot of things during that time. He was quite upset the few days here even if he didn't show it, and I think maybe that's why he opened up to me so easily. I was really the only one he could talk to for a while." Her red lips curved up into a wistful smile. "Joonghyuk-ssi asked me an interesting question a few days before Namwoon's birthday party. Do you know what he said?"

"....What did he say?"

"He said he might never be able to forget someone, and he asked if that was alright with me. I told him yes." Lee Seolhwa's eyes seemed to glow in the light of the pale moon, as peaceful and gentle as the shimmering waters beside them. "But the truth is, I think I do mind. Especially now that the person he was waiting for has returned to him."

Kim Dokja could hear the quiet chirps of cicadas somewhere in the darkness, and the sound of the water lapping gently against the shore.

"Have you ever heard of the saying 'the living can never compare to the dead', Dokja-ssi? I've always thought that it made no sense. Even if the dead are preserved at their best state in your memories, those memories will one day fade and disappear. Only the living can stay by your side forever, and only the living can truly be yours."

"..."

"Joonghyuk-ssi is free to choose whomever he wishes, and that includes you, Dokja-ssi," she continued. "I don't know if it includes me, and that's what I'm trying to figure out right now." Her smile was as bright as the midnight sun. "I know we haven't talked much, but I do think of you as a friend. No matter how this ends, I promise there won't be any hard feelings between us."

Her words planted a seed in his heart, which grew and grew until it filled his chest and left no room for air.

"I never know what he's thinking," said Kim Dokja, voice hollow.

"No," said Lee Seolhwa, "I think you know exactly what he's thinking."

***

Sunday morning dawned bright and early in Seoul. Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah were going to a 1 pm showing, so he made sure to set an alarm for 11 am to ensure he woke up in time. Lee Hyunsung and Kim Namwoon's room was empty when he passed by its open door, its inhabitants presumably having left for their dates already. 

He could smell the scent of caramelizing sugar wafting up from downstairs, and he found Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Sangah huddled around a pan in the kitchen. Yoo Squared. What an intriguing combination. The camera crew clearly thought so as well, because there was an alarming number of them lurking in the background.

Yoo Sangah saw him and waved him over. "Joonghyuk-ssi is making dalgona for us."

Yoo Joonghyuk glanced up from where he was swirling his chopsticks through a browning puddle of melted sugar in the pan, then glanced back down. 

"Dalgona?" Standing behind Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder, Kim Dokja examined the scene before him with interest. "I don't think I've had honeycomb toffee in decades. What's the occasion?"

"I remembered I had this kit when I went home to pick up some things, and I thought we might as well try it out," said Yoo Sangah.

Yoo Joonghyuk poured out the sticky mess onto a baking sheet and pressed it flat. Then he took the patterned molds and stamped them into the rapidly cooling toffee, leaving the outline of different shapes in it.

"Can you draw a sunfish for me?" asked Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked offended he even asked. "No."

"It's not a jab at you, it's because I'm a fan of the mola mola game." He had never played the game before in his life.

"I said no."

"Have you eaten breakfast yet, Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah asked, smiling. "Joonghyuk-ssi made enough for everyone this morning."

"Really." Kim Dokja peered at the half-covered dishes on the kitchen table in interest. "Didn't you also cook breakfast yesterday? Don't you ever get tired of it?" 

He could still see hot steam rising off the food, meaning Yoo Joonghyuk had waited for him to wake up before making his share.

"Why do you always have something useless to say? Shut up and eat."

Kim Dokja patted him on the head just to see the angry look on his face. "Thank you for the food."

Yoo Joonghyuk slapped his hand away, but there was no force behind it.

When it was time to cut the excess toffee off the dalgona pieces with knives, Kim Dokja tried his best to convert his candy airplane into a sunfish. It came out looking more like a sunfish that had recently been through a brutal diet.

"Because it looks weirdly elongated?" asked Yoo Sangah.

Yoo Joonghyuk crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking beyond unimpressed. He was also weirdly elongated for a sunfish.

"Exactly." Kim Dokja checked the time on his phone. It was almost 12, which meant they should start cleaning up and getting ready to leave. "When's your date with Seolhwa-ssi?" he asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"2 pm."

"Have fun on your date."

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his mouth like he was about to say something, then shut it, frowning at the cameras watching them.

Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja ended up taking the subway to the movies. He was thankful their cameramen didn't insist on filming them in the train car, because he would have probably died a little inside from embarrassment. This was the downside of not owning a car—you looked ten times lamer on camera when travelling to various destinations.

Kim Dokja never would have guessed he would be going to the same mall to see the movie again two weeks after his disastrous date with Jang Hayoung, but life was unpredictable like that.

Yoo Sangah bought the tickets for them, and Kim Dokja bought the drinks and popcorn. They sat down in the same theatre, in nearly the same row, to watch the same movie. Even the cameraman who was so disapproving of Kim Dokja's conduct last time was in the crew filming them.

"In retrospect, watching a psychological horror movie on a sunny afternoon is kind of weird, isn't it," whispered Yoo Sangah, cupping her hand around her mouth.

"I don't think it's weird at all," he assured her.

She grinned at him and turned back to face the screen.

The lights dimmed as the soundtrack began playing, and Kim Dokja's mind began to wander. Would things have turned out differently if Yoo Sangah was the one he went on a first date with? If he had taken her to see this movie and she had enjoyed it, would their relationship now be different? Or what if she was the one he met first, before Yoo Joonghyuk? Or if they had never been childhood friends at all?

The different possibilities diverged in the darkness inside his head, leaving trails of light in their wake. He wondered how many alternate universes hung on the balance of a single word or person; if anyone was important enough that the stars shone only for them, the tides rose and fell with their every breath, and the universe bent its knee to the force of their will.

Kim Dokja used to think it would be nice to be the most important person in such a world, but now, he realized, just being someone's most important person was enough for him. There was no point thinking about what could have been when everything he wanted was already waiting for him in the present. 

"Did you like the movie?" Yoo Sangah asked him as they left the theatre.

"Of course. I especially enjoyed the part where she shatters the illusion by biting her hand—"

"Yes! And the part in the end when she finally reaches the opening of the cave, when the music swells—"

"The CGI rats were a little clunky but still believable, I have no idea why critics keep hyperfocusing on technicalities—"

"The actress really sold the concept of her character descending into madness—"

"And the monsters she hallucinates—"

"I'm so glad you agree, Dokja-ssi," Yoo Sangah said seriously. "I have rather eclectic tastes in movies, and it's rare for me to make a friend who also enjoys the same kind of media as I do."

"It's the same for me."

They stepped out into the humid summer air outside the mall, laughing and talking with each other.

Yoo Sangah turned towards him. "I'm going for afternoon tea with a friend after this," said Yoo Sangah. "Would you like to join us?"

Kim Dokja glanced at the cameras. "I think I might head back, actually. But thank you for the invitation."

"No worries. See you at dinner then, Dokja-ssi." Yoo Sangah waved him goodbye and walked away, with two cameramen trailing after her like paparazzi. Even though she wasn't dressed in a flashy outfit or anything, people still turned their heads to stare at her as she passed by them.

Han Sooyoung really picked the right person for her show, she exudes the aura of a celebrity, thought Kim Dokja.

He noticed Jang Hayoung's white knight was still hovering in the distance filming him. "You might as well pack up and head home for the day," he suggested. "I can guarantee you that I'm not going to do anything interesting after this."

The cameraman frowned. "Define uninteresting."

"I'm going to walk to the subway station and take the subway back to the house. Is that uninteresting enough for you?"

"What if you get into an accident on the subway and I'm not there to capture it?"

Kim Dokja took a deep breath in, and exhaled. He was probably spending too much time with Yoo Joonghyuk recently, because he found it hard to resist punching this guy in the face. "You're filming a dating show, not a true crime documentary."

"I'm open to all possibilities."

Of course Han Sooyoung saw no problem in hiring this guy.

"I'm not going to die on the subway," he sighed. "Besides, shouldn't you be glad you get to go home early?" 

"No. My wife divorced me so I'm trying to numb my pain with work."

"I see." Why the hell are you telling me this?

Succumbing to Kim Dokja' stubborn refusal to be filmed, the cameraman put the lid back on the lens of his camera and shoved a bag over his equipment, shaking his head all the while. "You should've gone with that girl when she offered. You're going to end up forever alone at this rate."

"Are you sure you're allowed to gaslight the guests? Doesn't this count as interfering with the show?"

"Whatever."

The cameraman packed his bags and left.

Kim Dokja had never savoured the taste of freedom more. He strolled down the street at a pace Yoo Joonghyuk would probably call 'slow' or 'an obvious sign of a lack of exercise', but that bastard would never understand the simple joy of focusing on the journey and not the destination, or the carnal pleasure of walking down the street while reading shitty webnovels on your phone.

He was walking along one of the quieter side streets in the shopping district when a display of antique watches in the window of a small shop caught his eye. There was something mesmerizing about the way their hands moved around the circle in a fluid motion. After a brief moment of hesitation, he slipped his phone into his pocket and walked inside.

The woman sitting behind the counter looked up at the sound of the bells above the door chiming. "Welcome to Ekita Clock Store. I'm the owner Aileen, how can I help you?"

"I'm just taking a look around, thank you."

The interior of the shop looked like it came straight out of a steampunk movie. The ticking clocks on the walls shared the same intricate designs, and the furniture were all made of a dark wood that shone in the musty yellow light of the lanterns hanging from the ceiling. There were bird cages made of thin wire sitting on the mahogany countertops, with mechanical birds locked inside. The shop felt like a secret spoken in hushed whispers, a treasure carefully hidden away from the rest of the world. Kim Dokja was suddenly aware of the slow and steady passage of time, like water under the bridge or falling blossoms in the darkness. 

Seventeen years was a very, very long time.

"Can I order something special from you?" he asked.

"You mean a commission? Of course." Aileen opened up her notebook and plucked her pen out of her pocket. "What kind of clock are you looking for? Is there a particular design you have in mind?"

"It's a present for someone important." And self-important, but that wasn't relevant. "Something smaller that can be easily shipped in the mail would be best."

"A pocket watch then, maybe?" she suggested.

"Yes, that would be good."

They spent the rest of the afternoon hashing out the details together since Aileen happened to be available and Kim Dokja had nothing better to do anyway. 

"Do you think you would be able to complete it by August 3rd? I can pay extra if necessary."

"We'll see, it depends on how busy I am with other orders."

Kim Dokja passed her his credit card to pay the deposit for the commission, and she fed it into a very much not antique payment terminal. He was a little disappointed that the card reader didn't come with its own set of steampunk accessories.

Speaking of accessories. "It would be great if you had a monocle to go with the pocket watch," he joked. To complete the pretentious look for him.

Aileen frowned in confusion. "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

"It's nothing."

She passed him his card back, and he placed it back in his wallet.

"I'll call you and let you know when it's ready for pick up."

"Thank you."

He wasn't sure if Yoo Joonghyuk would accept the gift, but he'd cross that bridge once he got to it. In the worst case scenario, he could mail it to him without a return address so he'd be forced to keep it or throw it out.

Yes, that was a good idea.

***

Kim Dokja was sitting on the garden swing on the patio with his laptop on his lap when Yoo Joonghyuk arrived home that night. He was following a tip from [Ice Flower Goddess]'s writing blog and surrounding himself with natural sights and scents, which she promised in her post would help revitalize his creativity. He was mostly just doing it so he could tell his editor he made an attempt to increase his writing output and not have it be completely a lie this time. In addition, [Ice Flower Goddess] was without question the most popular Murim webnovel writer on Star Stream right now, so obviously she was doing something right.

Yoo Joonghyuk stopped in front of him and stared down at him expressionlessly. "Move over," he ordered.

"Your rudeness never ceases to amaze me." Kim Dokja moved over, and he sat down beside him on the swing chair.

"You reek of bug spray," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Thank you for the compliment. You smell disgusting too."

"That's not what I said."

"Normal people don't use the word 'reek' in polite conversation," Kim Dokja told him.

Yoo Joonghyuk sent him a half-hearted glare. "Behave yourself."

...Who did this bastard think he was talking to, a dog? Kim Dokja would let this one slide; there were more interesting topics to pursue right now. "Where did you guys go today?"

"Botanical garden," Yoo Joonghyuk answered.

"That does sound like somewhere Seolhwa-ssi would enjoy. How did the date go?"

"Fine. What are you writing?"

"You've really improved your skill of changing the subject discreetly," said Kim Dokja, making a mental note of it. "Very impressive."

"You didn't answer my question either. Shouldn't this mean you're more skilled at avoiding the subject than I am?"

"So you're admitting you're inferior to me in every way."

"Are you trying to pick a fight?" demanded Yoo Joonghyuk. His glare intensified.

"Of course not. I'm writing a Murim webnovel."

"..." Yoo Joonghyuk's eye twitched at the word Murim, but his expression as a whole didn't change. "What is it about?"

Kim Dokja was terrible at giving summaries, at least according to Han Sooyoung, who said his descriptions always made her lose interest in the webnovel completely. He knew he had a tendency to fixate on irrelevant details when recalling the things he's read, but it couldn't be helped. 

"The book is about a man who lost everything..."

He spent the next fifteen minutes going into excruciating detail about the power system he devised. He was (badly) drawing element correlation charts in MS Paint with his mousepad when he realized he was probably alienating his audience and quickly closed the program.

Clearing his throat, he said, "Where was I? Right, after escaping from their captors using the abilities I previously mentioned, the protagonist and his life and death companion found their own sect and recruit their friends into it. They go on many adventures together and eventually bring peace to the two realms. There is a minor romantic subplot, but the major focus is on worldbuilding and the action, as well as the mystery behind the creation of the world and what lies beyond the mortal plane they live on. I haven't finalized the ending yet, but I was thinking of killing off the main character's companion instead of him this time for a change of pace."

The corners of Yoo Joonghyuk's lips quivered with the strain of maintaining his resting bitch face. "A change of pace," he repeated.

"Yes." Kim Dokja closed the lid of his laptop. "Anyway, that's about it. I'm sure you thought that was a waste of your time, but to be fair, you were the one who asked."

"Don't put words in my mouth."

Kim Dokja had seen him put a lot worse in his mouth in fanfiction before. Namely human body parts.

"You can tell me it was boring, I won't be offended." But I will take a page out of Yoo Sangah's book and switch your shaving cream with whipped cream.

"It wasn't boring." 

While it was true that Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes didn't seem glazed over with ennui, he was also the kind of person who was always on high alert. It didn't mean anything.

"It's unlike you to lie in order to spare someone's feelings," said Kim Dokja.

There was an exasperated edge to Yoo Joonghyuk's voice when he spoke again. "You're an idiot."

"You and Han Sooyoung actually share a lot of similarities, the most notable one being your mutual tendency to question my intelligence."

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored that statement. "This companion, she dies—"

"He."

"What."

"They're both men."

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him. And kept staring. 

"Do you have an issue with the plot you'd like to bring up?"

Yoo Joonghyuk stood up abruptly and marched towards a bush. Before he could kick it, a cameraman popped out from behind the foliage and clumsily barrel-rolled out of the way.

"I'm sorry, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi! I was just trying to get some scenery shots for the trailer."

"Get out of my sight."

"Sorry!"

The cameraman ran like his life was in danger. But then again, maybe it was.

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at his retreating back for good measure before heading back to the swing and sitting back down beside Kim Doja.

"So the two main characters of your novel," he continued smoothly as if the interruption never happened, "they're both men?"

"Yes," said Kim Dokja. "No. Well. It's a multi-faceted issue. The potential romantic subplot isn't a focus for the novel anyway, so does it even matter?"

"Your novels would sell better if they had more romance in it."

Kim Dokja was at a loss for words. Yoo Joonghyuk—living legend, confirmed bachelor, and widely suspected virgin—was telling him he needed more romance in his books? How would he even know they were lacking in it if he'd never read one?

Yoo Joonghyuk pretending to be an expert was cute when he was a precocious child, but now it was only annoying. (And still a little bit cute.) In any case, it was good to see he was still running his mouth about things he didn't understand.

"What do you think of the Asian Financial Crisis?" asked Kim Dokja, just for the sake of it.

"Why do you want to know?" Yoo Joonghyuk shot back.

"Because I distinctly remember asking you about it before—" Seventeen years ago. "—and you saying something along the lines of 'maybe if people weren't weak and didn't sell their stuff to the stock market cheaply then things wouldn't have gotten so bad.' What did you even think a stock market was?" he asked in an amused voice. "A bank?"

Something like mortification flashed across Yoo Joonghyuk's handsome face. "That never happened."

Kim Dokja's smile widened. "Yes it did. I remember quite clearly how many strong opinions you had back then."

"I don't have time for this nonsense."

"Don't worry, I thought it was cute."

He didn't know it was possible for someone to look furious and constipated at the same time, but Yoo Joonghyuk somehow managed to pull it off while still looking attractive.

"How can you even remember these useless details?"

"Because they were important to me."

"...They were?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes were trembling with suppressed emotion. 

"Yes," said Kim Dokja.

A lot of things had changed, but at the same time nothing had changed at all.

Kim Dokja could feel Yoo Joonghyuk's warmth where their shoulders were touching. In a way, he's glad they met now, and not before. Maybe he would have pushed him away, or maybe they would have naturally grown apart over the years.

They were both imperfect people, but right now was the perfect time and the perfect place for them.

"Have you ever read a regressor novel, Yoo Joonghyuk?"

"No."

"Right, I forgot you couldn't read."

He caught an elbow to his stomach for that comment, and laughed through the pain.

Jung Heewon, Lee Seolhwa, and Lee Hyunsung were jogging around the perimeter of the pond, their phone screens bobbing up and down in the darkness like beacons of light. He could hear Han Sooyoung's angry shouts accompanied by Yoo Sangah's soothing voice and Lee Jihye's laughter in the wind; Kim Namwoon or Jang Hayoung had probably vandalized the cameras again.

This was the kind of peaceful happiness he wanted.

"If you could go back and do everything over again, would you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't reply.

"I used to think I would," Kim Dokja smiled, "but not anymore."

Above them, the constellations were suspended in the night sky like memories in the summer air, luminous and everlasting.

Chapter Text

[Commercial Break]

Yoo Sangah is sitting on a rock in a field of flowers, and she's wearing a beautiful summer dress. Her hair billows in the wind, framing her lovely face. She brushes a lock of her hair behind her ear and sighs, looking despondent. She's clearly waiting to go on a date with someone who hasn't arrived yet.

Dejected, she opens her purse and takes out a plastic-wrapped Dokkaebi Steamed Cake (TM). She tears open the wrapper and takes a delicate bite out of the cake. Her eyes close in bliss, and her face positively glows with happiness. CGI stars surround her in a shimmering haze.

"Did you wait long?" someone who sounds suspiciously like Han Sooyoung doing an impression of a man's voice asks.

Yoo Sangah looks over her shoulder and smiles at whoever she sees there, her brown eyes softening.

"You're here."

YOO SANGAH VOICEOVER: ⸢Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes: Meet Your Love. Now available in both Original and Matcha flavours.⸥

[End Commercial Break]

[Constellation Observatory]

[Bihyung]: Welcome back to Episode 8 of Star Stream Heart Signal. The response to our previous episodes have been staggering, and it seems like a lot of people are looking forward to seeing who will end up with who!

[Sun Wukong]: It's funny how so many people want Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Sangah to get together when I can count on one hand the number of times the two of them have been alone haha.

[Bihyung]: Unfortunately, Yoo Joonghyuk is going on a date with Lee Seolhwa today while Yoo Sangah is going with Kim Dokja. And with the confessions coming up in a week for them, it seems like Yoo Squared won't get a one-on-one date after all.

[Yi Sunsin]: That is indeed unfortunate.

[Uriel]: Why are you wearing an eyepatch?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I can wear whatever I want.

[Uriel]: I know, but I'm 99.9% sure you can see out of that eye. 

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: So?

[Uriel]: Is this some kind of fashion statement?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I just feel like keeping that eye sealed today. Stop nagging.

[Uriel]: ...

[Sun Wukong]: ...

[Bihyung]: There are so many interesting things to keep an eye out for this episode, but I think the question on everyone's minds right now is: will Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa be able to rekindle their relationship? Let's take a look at how the incarnations' solo dates are going.

***

To confess or not to confess, that is the question.

Kim Dokja was genre savvy enough to know there were three ways this whole situation could go down: 1. He could bide his time and not say anything, 2. He could confess and get awkwardly rejected, or 3. He could confess and everything might actually turn out okay. 

Although Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa were no longer as close as they were before, it didn’t necessarily mean anything. Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk realized he would rather be single. Maybe he realized his true love was Yoo Sangah. Or Han Sooyoung. Or Lee Hyunsung. Right, he couldn’t discount the last possibility. Lee Hyunsung had a great personality and great pectoral muscles and Yoo Joonghyuk would be a fool not to—

"Go to sleep," came Yoo Joonghyuk's muffled voice from the other side of the room.

"I am asleep," said Kim Dokja.

"You're not."

"I was asleep before you woke me up. Does this mean you owe me an apology?"

"Go to sleep right now before I put you to sleep," Yoo Joonghyuk threatened.

"There are cameras in here, you won't get away with it."

"I'll find a way."

"Is that a death threat, Yoo Joonghyuk? If I were you, I wouldn’t leave audio evidence like this behind."

"Idiot."

Kim Dokja closed his eyes and went to sleep.

It was his turn to get groceries on Monday morning. Luckily for him, the grocery store was within walking distance from the house, or otherwise he would've had to ask the production staff for a ride. Even though Kim Dokja had enough money to buy a car now, there was really no point for him to do so when everything in the city was connected by subway lines and he rarely went out anyway.

Yoo Sangah wanted green onions because they were running low, Jung Heewon wanted chips, Lee Seolhwa wanted some fruit, Han Sooyoung wanted a specific brand of expensive ice cream (why the hell was she even on this list?), Yoo Joonghyuk wanted a specific cut of beef, and Kim Namwoon wanted a 6-pack of beer. Kim Dokja mentally compared the size of the six-pack to the size of his nonexistent six-pack, and promptly decided that Kim Namwoon would benefit from cutting back his alcohol intake.

Kim Dokja was winding his way through the aisles towards the checkout counter when a familiar kind of sign caught his eye: TRIANGLE KIMBAP 50% OFF 500 WON. It was mayo tuna flavoured too, the kind he used to buy all the time for dinner. He would have killed to get a good deal like this back in high school when he was living by himself and every coin mattered.

In a fit of either nostalgia or insanity, he picked up one of the nearly expired kimbap and placed it into his basket.

When he got back, Yoo Joonghyuk was still out. Kim Dokja put his groceries in the fridge before going upstairs to do some writing. He heard Yoo Joonghyuk arriving home after an hour or so, and made sure to wait another half an hour before heading down the stairs so he wouldn't seem too eager.

Yoo Joonghyuk was standing in the kitchen, staring into the open fridge with an intense look of concentration.

"You won't find the secret to immortality in there," Kim Dokja told him. He reached past him to grab a glass from the cupboard, and poured himself a glass of water to keep his hands occupied.

"Who went grocery shopping?" demanded Yoo Joonghyuk. He had the bad habit of outright ignoring statements he thought were bullshit or bait, which included half the things Kim Dokja said on a regular basis.

"I did. Did I forget something you wanted?"

Yoo Joonghyuk was holding the triangle kimbap at arm's length away from his body as though it were something putrid. "What the hell is this?"

"My lunch."

Kim Dokja grabbed the kimbap and tugged, but Yoo Joonghyuk refused to let go. The kimbap was getting squished between their grips on it, which only made it look even more disgusting.

"You're not going to eat this," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja actually regretted buying it the moment he left the grocery store, but if Yoo Joonghyuk was going to be like this, then he would defend his right to give himself food poisoning to the death. "Why do you care what I eat?"

Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes, looking vexed. "It's expired.”

"It's not expired. If you weren't illiterate and read the label you would know it says the expiry date is today, which means it's good until midnight."

"It’s inedible."

"An idiot like you wouldn't understand, grocery store kimbap reaches its prime on the day it expires because that's when the mayo tuna is the perfect jelly-like consistency." Yoo Joonghyuk's expression was growing darker and darker. "Expiry dates are suggestions, not regulations. The real expiry date is when the food starts physically rotting in the package, which won't happen because it's refrigerated..."

Finally, Yoo Joonghyuk reached his breaking point and pulled the kimbap out of Kim Dokja's grasp.

"Put that down, Yoo Joonghyuk. Are you going to throw it away?" Kim Dokja tried to grab it back, but Yoo Joonghyuk held it out of his reach. "Aren't you the one who's always reminding me not to mess around with perfectly good food?"

"Stop complaining."

Instead of dumping it in the garbage can, however, Yoo Joonghyuk unwrapped the kimbap and took a bite out of it, all while maintaining eye contact with Kim Dokja.

What the hell did this bastard even think he was doing? Protecting him from bad grocery store food? How ridiculous.

"You're being extremely childish," said Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk swallowed his bite of food, and looked down at the filling in the rice with a look of revulsion. "The fish is rancid."

"Don't eat it if you're not going to appreciate it."

"Shut up."

Despite his complaints and obvious disgust, Yoo Joonghyuk finished the entire thing.

***

[Constellation Observatory]

[Bihyung]: It's time to make our predictions about the incarnations' Heart Signal Lines again. Where do you guys think the heart signal lines will lead this time around?

[Yi Sunsin]: I think Kim Dokja is going to text Lee Seolhwa tonight.

[Uriel]: ...

[Sun Wukong]: ...

[Bihyung]: ...

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Why the hell would he text her?

[Yi Sunsin]: When Lee Seolhwa needed to tie up her hair during their trip last episode, Kim Dokja was the one who offered to hold her bag for her, and she was also the first one to notice his mic was missing. Lastly, whenever he's seen her around Yoo Joonghyuk this episode, he's seemed slightly disappointed. They haven't had the opportunity to interact much the past seven episodes, and I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship will progress.

[Uriel]: You know, it's fine.

[Yi Sunsin]: Pardon?

[Uriel]: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

[Yi Sunsin]: Thank you, that's kind of you to say.

[Bihyung]: Although I agree that his relationship with Yoo Sangah has reached a dead end, I...really don't think Kim Dokja and Lee Seolhwa will end up together.

[Yi Sunsin]: I know there are only two episodes left after this one, but one should never give up until the very end. I stand with Kim Dokja.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I don't get what's happening.

[Bihyung]: Does anyone else have a prediction for Kim Dokja?

[Sun Wukong]: I feel like he's still going to text Yoo Sangah, but as a friend. She made it quite clear that she didn't have any romantic feelings for him anymore.

[Uriel]: That, or he'll forfeit his chance to text anyone tonight. Hmm...I'll vote for him forfeiting.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I vote for Yoo Sangah or whatever. Can we hurry up and get to Kim Namwoon?

[Bihyung]: That makes two votes for Yoo Sangah, so I'll put that down on the whiteboard. Who should we choose to go next? How about Yoo Sangah?

[Sun Wukong]: Same as Kim Dokja, she'll text him something platonic.

[Yi Sunsin]: I agree.

[Uriel]: Same here.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I don't care.

[Bihyung]: Let's get the simpler puzzles out the way first: Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon.

[Uriel]: They're going to text each other. Ah~ I'm so happy for Heewon!

[Sun Wukong]: No dissent here.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'm hungry.

[Bihyung]: There are dokkaebi steamed cakes in both Original and Matcha flavours if you're hungry.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Ugh.

[Bihyung]: Moving on to Jang Hayoung, who do you think she's going to text?

[Uriel]: I think she's going to forfeit again.

[Yi Sunsin]: Yes.

[Sun Wukong]: Yep.

[Bihyung]: What about Lee Seolhwa?

[Yi Sunsin]: Unfortunately, I think she's still going to text Yoo Joonghyuk.

[Sun Wukong]: Are you sad because her date with Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t go well, or sad because she's not going to text Kim Dokja?

[Yi Sunsin]: It's hard to say. Maybe both? Even though Yoo Joonghyuk was still attentive to her needs during their trip to the amusement park, the atmosphere between them simply wasn't the same as before.

[Bihyung]: Yes, their interactions did seem a bit tense this time around. I also noticed that the two of them haven't been having many private conversations lately. They used to sit outside on the patio together after dinner or go for a walk together, but that hasn't happened since, let me check my notes...

[Sun Wukong]: Since Kim Namwoon's birthday party.

[Bihyung]: Do you think that was the turning point of their relationship?

[Yi Sunsin]: Now that you mention it, they barely spent any time together on the island after their date on the second day. Yoo Joonghyuk even turned down Lee Seolhwa’s invitation to go to the night market with her and went back to the hotel right after they finished lunch.

[Bihyung]: So then Lee Seolhwa went to the night market with Jang Hayoung that Saturday and didn't get back until quite late, and Yoo Joonghyuk spent most of Sunday with Kim Dokja. It’s all coming together now. 

[Uriel]: Hehe.

[Sun Wukong]: You look like you're about to combust.

[Uriel]: With happiness!

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Buy shrimp crackers next time, I'm sick of sunflower seeds.

[Sun Wukong]: Why does no one else understand the appeal of sunflower seeds?!

[Bihyung]: I wonder what went wrong during the party? Was it because Lee Seolhwa went upstairs with Lee Hyunsung?

[Uriel]: I don’t think anyone’s at fault here. Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk just realized that he didn’t feel as strongly for Lee Seolhwa as she did for him, or that there was someone else he liked more, whom he decided to text instead of her during the trip.

[Yi Sunsin]: Ah, Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk's friendship reminds me of me and my dear friend Ryu Seongryong. We used to buy dalgona from street stands together when we were children.

[Uriel]: I highly doubt their relationship is similar to your friendship.

[Yi Sunsin]: I suppose not everyone can have deep fraternal bonds with their friends.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: What.

[Sun Wukong]: That's certainly one way to put it.

[Bihyung]: At this rate, I think Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa's relationship probably won’t work out. The spark between them has disappeared.

[Yi Sunsin]: I thought perhaps their relationship would recover after their date this episode, but they passed most of their time in silence.

[Sun Wukong]: The confessions are supposed to take place next Saturday, right?

[Bihyung]: Correct. And lastly, who do you guys think Yoo Joonghyuk is going to text tonight?

[Yi Sunsin]: That's a difficult question. 

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Probably Lee Seolhwa 'cause there's no one else. Ha! YJH is gonna end up alone.

[Uriel]: There would be someone else if the director allowed them to text everyone in the house. And I do mean in a romantic sense.

[Sun Wukong]: The funny thing is, two episodes ago I would've disagreed with you, but now I'm convinced. You've converted me.

[Uriel]: The Dokhyuk Force welcomes you with open arms!

[Yi Sunsin]: What does 'Dokhyuk' mean?

[Uriel]: It's their ship name.

[Yi Sunsin]: They also bought a ship together?

[Bihyung]: What?

[Yi Sunsin]: I remember hearing about how Jang Hayoung and Kim Namwoon bought a ship together last time, did Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk also invest in one?

[Uriel]: ...

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: ...

[Sun Wukong]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—

[Yi Sunsin]: Boats are good investments; sailing across the beautiful ocean is a great way to relax on a summer day. I personally own many boats.

[Sun Wukong]: —HAHAHAHAHAHAHA—

[Bihyung]: Let's just move on. Are there any other predictions for who Yoo Joonghyuk is going to text other than Lee Seolhwa?

[Uriel]: He'll forfeit, I can feel it in my bones.

[Sun Wukong]: Seconded.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: YJH never gives up even when he's losing! Why would he forfeit?!

[Uriel]: I used to think you were a YJH anti, but I'm starting to have doubts.

[Yi Sunsin]: I also think he will text Lee Seolhwa this episode, considering how they just went on a date together.

[Bihyung]: The votes are tied, so I guess it's up to me to decide. Well...Yoo Joonghyuk did send his text to Lee Seolhwa last episode...I'm going to go with Lee Seolhwa as well.

[Uriel]: I'm not going to tell you you're wrong, but...you're wrong.

[Bihyung]: Now, let's see how things will turn out for the incarnations—

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Hey! You forgot Kim Namwoon! Are you doing this on purpose?

[Bihyung]: I'm sorry. Any predictions for who Kim Namwoon will text tonight?

[Sun Wukong]: Anyone but Jung Heewon.

[Uriel]: Maybe Lee Seolhwa? 

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: He went shopping with Jang Hayoung though. Maybe he'll go for her again?

[Sun Wukong]: Don't forget J*hye was also there. She's the most important piece of the puzzle here.

[Yi Sunsin]: J*hye is an upstanding girl.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: So?

[Yi Sunsin]: I was just voicing my appreciation for her righteous character.

[Bihyung]: I think Lee Seolhwa is the most likely candidate here, actually...

[ ... ]

[Bihyung]: So far we've gotten 7 out of 8 correct. Will Yoo Joonghyuk text Lee Seolhwa tonight, or will he send his text to someone else?

[Sun Wukong]: Or will he forfeit?

[Uriel]: Yes. That's a yes. I just know it's a yes.

[Bihyung]: Let's take a look at what Yoo Joonghyuk will choose to do tonight...after the commercial break.

[Commercial Break]

Yoo Sangah is walking along the beach on what appears to be Jeju Island. She's holding her sandals in one hand and laughing as the blue ocean waves lap at her bare feet. Coming to a halt, she whirls around and looks directly into the camera with a playful smile on her face.

"Want one?" she asks, pulling out a Dokkaebi Steamed Cake (TM) from underneath her sunhat.

YOO SANGAH VOICEOVER: ⸢Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes: Meet Your Love. Now available in both Original and Matcha flavours.⸥

[End Commercial Break]

***

Kim Namwoon was unarguably the worst cook in the house and possibly all of Seoul, but Lee Hyunsung honestly wasn't that much better than him. While he was good at menial tasks like cutting up ingredients and boiling water, he was hopeless at the parts of cooking that required a little creative flair like seasoning. His cooking partner, Jung Heewon, was also prone to getting frustrated and just throwing everything together and calling it a day. It didn't help that Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa were right before them in the cooking rotation, so the contrast was particularly pitiful. 

They were having for dinner what Jung Heewon insisted was hotpot but was really just 'throwing everything into one pot and telling everyone to mix their own sauces because she couldn't be bothered to season it herself' for the second time that month.

Yoo Joonghyuk had moved past his fledgeling asshole days and no longer got into passive-agressive arguments with her about her careless cooking methods, but Kim Namwoon still did.

"This tastes like horse shit," he complained. "What kind of crazy person boils their cucumbers?"

"No one's forcing you to eat it," Jung Heewon said coldly. It was evident she had simply forgotten to take it off the cutting board before dumping it in the broth with the other vegetables, but she never backed down from a challenge.

"If you didn't put it in then I wouldn't have to pick through mountains of it just to find some fucking meat! NO ONE here is eating it because NO ONE likes it."

Jung Heewon looked around the table. Kim Dokja ducked his head down to avoid her piercing gaze, while Yoo Sangah and Jang Hayoung simultaneously picked up their glasses of water and took a drink to hide their faces.

"Hyunsung-ssi likes it. Isn't that right, Hyunsung-ssi?" Jung Heewon picked up a piece of the mushy cucumber with her chopsticks and reached across the table to hold it in front of Lee Hyunsung's mouth. "Open up."

There was a horrified and/or embarrassed flush creeping up Lee Hyunsung's neck. He swallowed nervously. "Heewon-ssi, you don't have to feed me."

"I want to."

"It's fine..."

"Open your mouth, Lee Hyunsung."

Lee Hyunsung opened his mouth, and Jung Heewon threw the piece of cucumber in. He chewed for a few long, painful seconds as everyone watched on in amazement before swallowing it.

"It tasted great," Lee Hyunsung said weakly. 

This is the power of love, thought Kim Dokja.

Jung Heewon beamed at Lee Hyunsung, her lips curving up into a proud smile. "I thought so."

Beside her, Kim Namwoon mimed retching. "Gross. Eat your food yourself, damn it."

Jung Heewon's smile vanished. "Grow up, Kim Namwoon," she snapped. "I wouldn't make fun of you if you broke your arm falling down the stairs and Jihye had to hand feed you congee while you recovered."

"W-Why would I fall down the stairs?"

"Because I'd push you."

As the two of them argued about the health benefits of boiled cucumbers, Lee Hyunsung turned to Kim Dokja, who was sitting beside him, and tapped him on the shoulder. "Dokja-ssi."

"Are you going to throw up?" Kim Dokja asked, leaning in so he could hear him more clearly. "If you want, I can tell the others you're going to the bathroom to take care of bodily functions that have nothing to do with the bad food."

Lee Hyunsung shook his head. "It's alright, I can handle the pain. Could we talk later tonight in my room? I have something I want to ask you."

"Of course."

He prayed that Lee Hyunsung wasn't coming to him for romantic advice, because he was also a beginner in that field of study.

"I need some advice," Lee Hyunsung said after dinner, when they were sitting in his room together. “It's about Heewon-ssi." 

Damn it. 

"As a writer, Dokja-ssi must have a lot of experience writing love confessions, right?"

It was hard to say no to Lee Hyunsung's hopeful eyes. "I suppose I do have some experience, yes." More than Yoo Joonghyuk or Kim Namwoon, at least.

Lee Hyunsung removed a carefully folded piece of paper from his pocket and passed it to him. "Then would you mind looking over this for me?" he asked, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's what I'm planning to say during my confession on Saturday. I wasn't really sure what to write, so if Dokja-ssi has any suggestions, I would be glad to hear them."

Kim Dokja read through the lines on the paper quickly, eyes trembling with shock. It was...pretty good, actually. In fact, it was better than anything he could ever come up with. When he glanced at Lee Hyunsung again, he was seeing him in a brand new light: the light of a hidden poet.

"To be honest, you don't need my help,” he said. “What you have written down is great, and there's nothing I would change about it. I'm sure Heewon-ssi will appreciate your words."

"Thank you, that means a lot to me," said Lee Hyunsung, visibly perking up.

"I didn't do much, but you're welcome."

Lee Hyunsung tucked the paper back into his pocket, looking much less stressed out than before. "Dokja-ssi, have you prepared your confession yet?" 

Kim Dokja froze. Was he seriously so obvious about his feelings that even someone as dense as Lee Hyunsung could tell? "My confession to who?" he asked carefully.

"To..." Lee Hyunsung glanced at the surveillance camera in the corner of the ceiling, "...'the person you love most.'"

"...Pardon?" Since when was Lee Hyunsung this poetic?

"That's what Sooyoung-ssi calls it," Lee Hyunsung said by way of explanation. "Do you have any plans in mind, Dokja-ssi? Is there anything I can do to help?"

Kim Dokja pictured Lee Hyunsung standing in the background holding up a neon sign with the words 'WILL YOU MARRY ME' written on it as he got down on one knee in front of Yoo Joonghyuk, and recoiled in horror. "No, I don't have anything in mind."

"Sooyoung-ssi said it was important to be proactive about love," Lee Hyunsung said meaningfully, as though he were quoting a wise sage.

"I don't generally take Han Sooyoung's life advice, but I'll keep that in mind. Good night, Hyunsung-ssi."

"Good night, Dokja-ssi."

Kim Dokja ran into Lee Jihye on his way back to his room, and the girl gasped at the sight of him. Or more specifically, the sight of his neck.

"Is that a hickey on your neck?" she asked, eyes wide.

This was the fourth time he had been asked that question today: first by Han Sooyoung, then by Yoo Sangah, then by some random cameraman he swore he had never spoken to before in his life. "It's a mosquito bite."

"Sure," Lee Jihye drawled. "You can't fool me, I've read enough BL manga to know that trope inside-out. But I have to warn you, the cameras in your bedrooms come equipped with microphones, so if you want to fool around you should probably do it in the bathroom."

Kim Dokja was speechless. As someone else who was intimately familiar with webnovel cliches, this was the first time he had been victimized by a fellow written media enthusiast.

"Anyway, congratulations on FINALLY getting together with Master," she continued, eyes gleaming with excitement. "I totally saw it coming, the sexual tension at the mall a few weeks back was through the roof!"

He had no idea what she was talking about. 

"It really is a mosquito bite,” he said with a sigh. “Besides, if your opinion of me is so low, wouldn’t you rather Yoo Joonghyuk end up with Lee Seolhwa instead of me?"

Lee Jihye raised an eyebrow. "That's a loaded question to ask a girl half your age."

"Aren't you a lot older than 14?"

"It's an expression! And I'll have you know that my heart is eternally youthful, just like my complexion."

"Sure it is."

"I don't know what Master sees in you," Lee Jihye huffed.

"I don't know either," Kim Dokja said earnestly.

There was an awkward moment as the two of them realized he shouldn't be unloading his emotional baggage onto a teenage girl, but the damage was done. Thankfully, Lee Jihye didn't seem bothered by the unexpected honesty.

"I mean, I can tell you why I think you and Master make a great pairing," she started. "It's not that you make him really happy or anything—Master is always pissed off when he's with you—but you make him seem more...human? Present?"

"As far as I know, Yoo Joonghyuk has always been human."

"Duh. What I'm trying to say is, he seems more alive when you're with him." Lee Jihye paused. "Huh, I guess that means you do make him happy."

***

Kim Dokja frowned at his phone. He had three unread emails from his editor in his inbox, all of which were variations of 'when the fuck are you going to start posting' in mounting degrees of passive-aggressiveness. The answer, of course, was when he felt like it, and he didn't feel up to posting until he solidified what he wanted to do with the ending of the book. He calmly opened up a text document he prepared for this exact scenario and scrolled through the list of excuses in there until he found one he hadn't used yet. Typing out a reply about how his neighbour's cat was pregnant, he closed the window with the contentment of knowing he had pissed off his editor once more. 

Speaking of pissing people off, Kim Dokja hadn't logged into his Twitter in a very long time. It was his rule of thumb to quit social media for a few months after finishing one of his novels to let the worst of the backlash die down, and with their show set to air next month, he resolved not to check any relevant websites until it finished airing and he could be certain he wouldn't suddenly see his face pop up on his feed.

The lack of other notifications on his phone was more surprising. Uriel hadn't messaged him in a while; but she was probably busy writing another script or getting chewed out by her family members for posting inappropriate content online. Kim Dokja sent her a brief 'Good morning', but she was offline. The little bubble representing countless unread messages beside the writers' group chat he was part of caught his attention. Maybe he should drop by and say hi to everyone?

[ Where the fuck is our money going, Star Stream ]

[Salvation]: Good morning.

[Antinus]: Go to hell you misogynistic human trash

[Disaster of Questions]: you ****** ****** I'll ***************** you and your ************

[Antinus]: You'll get what's coming for you one day you *************************

[Disaster of Questions]: pathetic *****

[Antinus]: ********************************

[Disaster of Questions]: ********************************************************

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: STOP BLOWING UP MY PHONE YOU GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING

[Eater of Dreams]: You can mute the notifications.

[Antinus]: ***************************************************************************************************

[Salvation]: Goodbye.

He remembered why he never checked that group chat now.

Just when Kim Dokja was going to put his phone away and head downstairs for breakfast, Uriel responded.

[Judge of Fire]: good morning ⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾

[Judge of Fire]: *baby angel eating breakfast sticker*

[Salvation]: How have you been recently?

[Judge of Fire]: pretty good! I'm going to be doing something exciting very soon so I’m very happy 

[Salvation]: Oh, like what?

[Salvation]: Are you still there?

[Judge of Fire]: oh...

[Salvation]: ?

[Judge of Fire]: I think it's time I told you the truth

[Salvation]: Told me about what?

[Judge of Fire]: well

[Judge of Fire]: are you in a good mood right now?

[Salvation]: I suppose.

[Judge of Fire]: I'm a celebrity guest on the dating show you're part of, and we're filming our first reaction episode in August

[Salvation]: ...

Kim Dokja set his phone down and got up. After doing a lap around his room and collecting himself, he sat back down on his bed and picked up his phone again. 

[Judge of Fire]: I'm sorry about not telling you about this earlier, black flames empress said that she wanted to keep it a surprise and I was worried about your reaction so I went along with it longer than I should have

[Judge of Fire]: the truth is, she contacted me earlier this year about the show and asked me if I wanted to be on it

[Judge of Fire]: I didn't agree at first because I knew my family wouldn't approve and gabriel kept making jokes about me selling out

[Judge of Fire]: and because I didn’t want to watch my ship sink 

[Judge of Fire]: but then your friend told me you were going to be on it, and I changed my mind

[Judge of Fire]: I think she didn't know that you never told me your full name or that we've never met up in real life before, or I'm sure she would've asked your permission first

[Judge of Fire]: if you're worried about your looks you don't have to be!

[Judge of Fire]: salvation-nim?

[Judge of Fire]: dokja-yah?

[Salvation]: Sorry for not responding earlier. I was surprised, but rest assured that I'm not angry at all. It does sound like a very Han Sooyoung thing to do, and I should have known she was talking about you when she mentioned one of the celebrity guests being a fan.

[Salvation]: I don't know why I kept my real identity secret when we've known each other for so long. Besides, I know yours, so this is only fair.

[Salvation]: Also, I'm not worried about my looks.

[Judge of Fire]: oh ok! I'm glad

[Judge of Fire]: *joyful baby angel sticker*

[Salvation]: *joyful acute angle sticker*

[Judge of Fire]: so we're okay?

[Salvation]: Of course.

[Judge of Fire]: *two baby angels dancing together sticker*

[Judge of Fire]: by the way, you would never guess who asked me about you!

So that's why Yoo Joonghyuk seemed to know about his reputation the other day on the swing. It was weird to think that they had been so close to each other this whole time, yet they never met until Han Sooyoung intervened on their behalf.

[Salvation]: Who?

[Judge of Fire]: YJH! he's on the show with you right now!

[Judge of Fire]: I recommended he read Unbreakable Faith first because it's the shortest story, no offense to any of the other ones

[Salvation]: He asked you for book recommendations?

[Judge of Fire]: *baby angel nodding sticker*

[Judge of Fire]: does this mean you two are friends now?

[Salvation]: I guess you could say we are.

[Judge of Fire]: !!!

[Judge of Fire]: I always knew you two would get along well ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Judge of Fire]: *baby angel dancing sticker*

[Salvation]: While we're on the topic of revelations, I also have one to share. I read <After reincarnating as the #1 streamer in the galaxy I was forced to marry the S-grade yandere marshal [A/B/O]>.

[Salvation]: Hello? Uriel?

[Judge of Fire]: I don't know what you're talking about

[Salvation]: You're 9158forever, aren't you?

[Judge of Fire]: *spooked baby angel sticker*

[Judge of Fire]: that depends on whether you liked the book or not

[Salvation]: I can't comment on certain mature parts of the book, but I did enjoy the action/adventure and the worldbuilding. The subversion of the A/B/O trope was also quite interesting, and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

[Judge of Fire]: *starry-eyed baby angel sticker*

[Salvation]: What I found more interesting, however, was how the yandere marshal bore an uncanny resemblance to me.

[Salvation]: "Not many people knew this, but the marshal was an avid reader in his spare time. He had a knack for finding the most obscure and unpopular novels to read, as well as a secret soft spot for happy endings."

[Salvation]: "He was slow to warm up to people, but if you asked him the right questions, he could go on and on about the books he loved dearly."

[Judge of Fire]: gabriel is calling me, I have to go

[ [Judge of Fire] is offline. ]

Avoiding critical conversations by playing dead was supposed to be his signature move, damn it. Since Uriel wouldn't answer his questions, he decided to look for someone who would.

Kim Dokja found Han Sooyoung was in the living room adjusting one of the hidden cameras. He hadn't seen her in a while since she was usually too busy coordinating things with the soon-to-be Constellations to monitor them.

He came to a stop in front of her and said, "I didn't know Uriel was going to be one of the celebrities you invited."

Han Sooyoung glanced over her shoulder at him and removed her lollipop from her mouth. "You didn't? I thought she told you already, and it's all over social media."

"Why do we always run into communication problems?" he asked the ceiling. "First Yoo Joonghyuk, and now Uriel."

Han Sooyoung didn’t seem bothered at all. "Why is it a big deal? She would have recognized you on TV when the show aired anyway."

"She actually wouldn’t have, because she doesn’t know what I look like."

"What? Didn't you two go to a book signing event together in March?" she asked with a frown.

"We were planning to go together, but her brother found her doujinshi stash the night before and grounded her for the month." 

"She really needs to get her own place," said Han Sooyoung, shaking her head. "Now I'm starting to understand why she's so wild online."

"Yes." 

It was a modern-day tragedy, really.

"Sorry.” Han Sooyoung didn’t meet his eyes when she spoke again. “I knew how much you value your privacy, but I still used you as my trump card to convince Uriel because I knew her family would invest in the show if she was on it—"

“Stop,” interrupted Kim Dokja. “I trust Uriel, so I don’t mind her knowing. Don’t think too hard about it.”

“Am I a terrible person?” she asked after a long time.

“You’re not,” he said. “You're selfish, but everyone is selfish, including me. It’s fine, Sooyoung-ah.”

Han Sooyoung took out a lemon-flavoured lollipop from her pocket and passed it to him, which he wordlessly unwrapped and popped into his mouth. In this case, it was more of an unspoken apology than an attempt to get him to shut up.

"Can I ask you for advice?" His words came out a bit garbled around the candy.

"I thought you said you'd never trust my advice again after the Halloween incident in fourth year."

"I'm giving you a second chance. Hypothetically, if you wanted to..." Kim Dokja paused, searching for the right word, "get closer to someone, how would you go about doing it?" 

Han Sooyoung stared at him. "You know you can just say Yoo Joonghyuk, right?"

"I wasn't talking about him. It’s a hypothetical scenario."

"Please, I didn't spend the last seven years as your best friend for nothing. Do you really think you can lie to me that easily?" She scoffed, biting into her lollipop with a sickening crunch. "What's this, Kim Dokja? Are you finally trying to get laid? About time." 

"Goodbye, Han Sooyoung."

"Come back, I wasn't making fun of you!" But the shit-eating grin on her face said otherwise. "I was celebrating your emotional puberty because I'm such a supportive friend. But seriously, you don't need my help, you know that guy better than I do."

"I suppose so."

Noticing the look on his face, Han Sooyoung pressed her lips together and sighed. "I mean, you can try to find something he likes and ask him about that? Most relationships are built on common interests. Also, actions speak louder than words, so you can try doing something special for him. Ugh, I sound like a shitty dating advice column..."

But those shitty dating advice columns did have a point.

After dinner, Kim Dokja waited until Yoo Joonghyuk went outside on the balcony to take a call before sneaking downstairs in search of everyone else. 

Kim Namwoon was sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of the living room, wearing a threadbare black t-shirt. The floor underneath his chair was covered with newspapers. Yoo Sangah was standing behind him, hands in his hair, while Lee Seolhwa was sitting cross-legged on the rug beside the coffee table next to the sofa. Jang Hayoung was lying on the floor beside Lee Seolhwa and scrolling through her phone, head in her lap.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Kim Dokja.

Yoo Sangah was holding a paintbrush in one hand and a tub of something that smelt of bleach in the other. "Namwoon-ssi wants to dye his hair white," she explained, dipping her paintbrush into the bleach mixture and running it across Kim Namwoon's hair. "I offered to help since I once dyed my hair myself back in high school."

"White is a..." very chuuni, "...good choice of a colour."

"Obviously." Kim Namwoon's smugness was offset by the pigtails and aluminium foil in his hair. "I know I have good taste."

"Please stop moving your head, Namwoon-ssi."

"Sorry."

"I have an idea I want to discuss with everyone," said Kim Dokja, looking around the room. "Where's Hyunsung-ssi?"

"Bathroom. Is this about Yoo Joonghyuk again?" Jung Heewon asked. She lounging on the sofa, with one leg on the back of it and one leg dangling towards the ground in an overpowering display of dominance.

"How did you know?"

Jung Heewon sent him an unimpressed look. "Everything you do is about him or annoying him. I'm honestly waiting for the day when you two snap and start fu—" Her gaze fell on Lee Seolhwa. "—fighting each other."

"I would never resort to physical violence against him even if he deserves it," said Kim Dokja.

"What, are you going to punish him in other ways?" asked Jang Hayoung. She cringed as the words left her mouth and covered her face with her hands. "Actually, pretend I didn't say that."

Lee Seolhwa, who was examining the various bottles of chemicals on the coffee table curiously, didn't seem fazed at all by the suggestive comments. "What did you want to discuss about Joonghyuk-ssi?" she asked.

Kim Namwoon, Jang Hayoung, and Jung Heewon looked away and pretended like they weren’t listening closely to his words.

Kim Dokja cleared his throat. "I was going to say his birthday is coming up on August 3rd."

Jung Heewon looked disappointed by how boring his statement was. "Okay, so?

"So I thought it would be nice if we planned an early celebration for him this week, like Kim Namwoon's birthday party."

Jang Hayoung looked confused. "Why would we celebrate his birthday early? Let's just meet up at a restaurant or something on the day of. We don't have to do everything in front of the cameras."

"I just thought it would be better to do something for him when we're all available."

"But his birthday isn't for another two weeks, why would we celebrate it now?" Jung Heewon stretched her arms above her head with a yawn. "If people are busy on Monday, then we could meet up on the Sunday or Saturday before. I know I'm free then."

“I’m free too,” said Kim Namwoon.

Having not received the reaction he wanted, Kim Dokja turned to Lee Seolhwa for support. "What do you think, Seolhwa-ssi?"

"I'm going to have to agree with the others," said Lee Seolhwa, sounding unaffected. "I'm quite busy with patients this week, and I also don't see what's the matter with arranging a meetup on his actual birthday. Assuming Joonghyuk-ssi is open to one, of course."

"He doesn't have any other friends," Jung Heewon said bluntly. "Of course he'd be open to it."

The harsh but sadly truthful remark made Kim Dokja wince on Yoo Joonghyuk's behalf.

"Do you have other plans on August 3rd, Dokja-ssi?" asked Yoo Sangah, a knowing gleam in her eyes.

That depends on the future state of my relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk. "...No," said Kim Dokja. “You're right, it doesn't make sense for us to celebrate it now."

Yoo Sangah smiled encouragingly at him. "Still, I think it's good that Dokja-ssi brought the subject up,” she said. “There are some things we can decide now, like if we're going to have a house party or some kind of celebration elsewhere. And if we're going to have a party, then I don't mind hosting in my apartment."

Jung Heewon furrowed her eyebrows. "Doesn't Yoo Joonghyuk own a big house? Wouldn't it make more sense for him to host?"

"How would we be able to decorate his house and still keep it a surprise?" asked Kim Namwoon.

"We could always get his sister to distract him.”

"Yeah...okay.”

"It would be nice if we made a card for Joonghyuk-ssi and got everyone to sign it," said Yoo Sangah, running her paintbrush through Kim Namwoon's hair in one elegant stroke. "Do you want to be in charge of the card, Namwoon?"

"Uh...I don't really know how to do art.”

"You could ask Jihye to help you," Yoo Sangah suggested in a light voice, the very picture of innocence. "I'm sure she'd love to help out with Joonghyuk-ssi's birthday preparations."

Kim Namwoon's face immediately went pink. He was worse than a twelve-year-old girl with a crush; no, he was worse than eleven-year-old Kim Dokja, for god's sake. "Yeah. Okay. I'll ask her."

"What are we going to do for the food at this possibly-surprise party?" asked Lee Seolhwa. "Should we make it a potluck?"

"Let's have barbecue again," said Kim Namwoon, eyes glazing over at the memory. 

"It wouldn't be fair to make Joonghyuk-ssi cook for all of us on his birthday."

"I vote we order takeout then," said Jung Heewon. She was clearly still harbouring resentment towards Yoo Joonghyuk for his food critic antics. "It's not like anything we make would ever live up to his expectations anyway."

"That makes sense." Yoo Sangah looked thoughtful. "Should we order a cake for him too?"

"Actually, I think you should bake him a cake, Dokja-ssi," said Lee Seolhwa.

Now everyone was staring at him again. "I'm afraid I don't have that much baking experience," said Kim Dokja, when it was obvious they were all waiting for him to speak.

"Then ask Joonghyuk-ssi for help again," said Lee Seolhwa. "I'm sure he'd be open to it."

"It wouldn't be a proper birthday cake if—" 

It doesn't matter. Let’s do it together anyway.

He remembered asking his mother to teach him how to make a cake from scratch, and how he waited and waited for Joonghyuk to come back so he could surprise him with it. But with everything that happened afterwards, they never did get the chance to celebrate his birthday together.

"You know what," said Kim Dokja, "I think I will ask him."

Even if things didn't work out between them and Yoo Joonghyuk asked him not to show his face at the event, at least he would have this.

When he went back to their room, Yoo Joonghyuk had finished his call and was sitting in bed in a thin black t-shirt, hair slightly damp from the shower. Kim Dokja could see the outline of his chest through the fabric—not that he was looking. The usual tension in Yoo Joonghyuk’s shoulders was gone, and he was scrolling through his phone with an almost relaxed look on his face. 

It was the perfect chance for Kim Dokja to ask him what he had been contemplating all day. "How do you play League of Legends?"

"Is this a joke?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"Stop being paranoid. It's an honest question."

Kim Dokja widened his eyes innocently as Yoo Joonghyuk examined his face for any trace of dishonesty. After a few seconds of staring, Yoo Joonghyuk looked away.

"Do you have the game client installed?" he asked gruffly.

Kim Dokja's heart settled back in his chest. "Of course, I came prepared."

"How much do you know about it?” 

"I read some gamer webnovels back when the genre was popular so I know how the basic setup works," said Kim Dokja, walking over to where his laptop was sitting on his desk by the window. "Fun fact, half of those webnovels were based on you." The YJH thirst was almost palpable.

"That's not a fun fact."

"You have no sense of humour."

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored the jab. "Have you played through the tutorials yet?"

“Not yet." Kim Dokja waited for Yoo Joonghyuk to get up and join him at the desk, but the man didn't even budge. "Are you not going to get up?"

"Why should I move?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked coldly. "You get over here."

"Are you telling me to get in bed with you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's eye twitched at the phrasing of the question, but he didn't deny it.

Kim Dokja swallowed the lump in his throat, mouth dry. This was the closest thing to an invitation he was ever going to get. He picked up his laptop along with his mouse and mousepad before crossing the room to Yoo Joonghyuk's bed.

He was sure he had misunderstood something at first, but Yoo Joonghyuk didn't seem surprised or offended when he took off his slippers and sat down on top of the covers beside him. Yoo Joonghyuk leaned in to get a better look at his screen, and they ended up pressed against each other, closer than ever. His ankle brushed against Yoo Joonghyuk's leg, and he could feel the warm weight of his shoulder against his. 

Kim Dokja couldn't make out his reflection in the screen of his laptop, but he knew he was probably a bit flushed.

"What are you waiting for, the apocalypse?” Yoo Joonghyuk asked snidely. “Hurry up and open the game."

What the hell was his problem? Kim Dokja's hesitation instantly morphed into irritation. "I'm getting to it."

“You’re not even moving your cursor.”

“Can you shut up for one second?”

Out of everyone in the world, he picked this emotionally stunted sunfish man to fall in love with. And now he was stuck with him.

Chapter Text

[Constellation Observatory]

[Bihyung]: Welcome back to Episode 9 of Star Stream Heart Signal, sponsored by Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes.

[Sun Wukong]: One more episode after this one and we're done, huh. 

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Yeah.

[Yi Sunsin]: It's been a pleasure meeting all of you and the incarnations.

[Bihyung]: Same here.

[Uriel]: Same!

[Sun Wukong]: I never would've thought I'd get attached to these incarnations, but I sort of am, now.

[Bihyung]: Speaking of attachments, a lot of the viewers seem to feel the same way. The response to our last episode was phenomenal, and we got lots of excited comments about how much people are looking forward to the grand finale.

[Yi Sunsin]: I'm also looking forward to seeing how the show will come to a close.

[Bihyung]: Also, since we didn't get to finish the audience interaction segment during the 5th episode's live broadcast due to technical difficulties, we'll be selecting some tweets under the hashtag #starstreamheartsignal to read today to make up for it. 

[Sun Wukong]: I wouldn't call Asmodeus getting his ass kicked 'technical difficulties', but okay.

[Uriel]: Is it just me, or did you switch which eye you're covering with your eye patch?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Argh, leave me alone!

***

Morning dawned in Seoul the next day. Well, more like noon, because Kim Dokja didn't have to get up in the mornings to update his novel anymore.

Yoo Joonghyuk was standing in the kitchen downstairs, looking tragically handsome as usual. More specifically, he was leaning against the counter and absently sipping a mug of tea as he stared out the glass panes of the patio door. Two cameramen were lurking in the corner filming his every move; of course they would think this was a scene worth documenting. No one ever cared about how Kim Dokja drank his tea.

"I need your assistance on a delicate matter," said Kim Dokja, coming to a stop in front of him.

Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes at him over the rim of his mug. "Did you break the showerhead again?"

"Why would you automatically assume this is about the showerhead?" He shook his head in mock dismay. "That was one time, and I promised not to do it again, didn't I?"

"What do you want then?"

"Can you help me bake a cake?"

Yoo Joonghyuk set his cup down on the kitchen counter with a loud clink. "Why."

"It's," Kim Dokja racked his brain for a good excuse, "one of Han Sooyoung's requests. She wants to take some shots of people doing mundane things to endear us to the viewers, so I agreed that I would bake something on camera." Did that make sense? He hoped that made sense. "However, I doubt I'd make it far on my own, and that's where you come in. We can collaborate again as we did for Kim Namwoon's birthday."

"If you don't want to do it, then don't do it," Yoo Joonghyuk said expressionlessly.

"I do want to do it," Kim Dokja insisted, trying not to sound like he was blatantly lying. "I want to improve my public image."

"You don't have a public image."

"I will once the show airs."

The key to lying convincingly was to double down on your bullshit when confronted about it, as Kim Dokja learned over many years of dodging Han Sooyoung's fury.

There was one moment when Kim Dokja thought he had guessed the real reason behind the request. But then the moment passed, and Yoo Joonghyuk's expression returned to normal. 

"Fine," he said. "Show me the recipe you picked."

"My hero," Kim Dokja said dryly.

"Be quiet."

Was it his imagination, or was there a vaguely satisfied air about Yoo Joonghyuk?

Either way, Kim Dokja pulled up the video on his phone and passed it to him before he got impatient. "It’s an Emmental cheesecake," he explained, resting his arms on the counter. "I thought it might be interesting to make this because it literally looks like a giant block of cheese."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked down at the phone with a frown. "This is a no-bake cheesecake."

"Yes?"

"If you're trying to bake a cake for the show, why did you pick one that doesn't require baking?"

Good, he took the bait.

"Which cake would you suggest I make then, if you're such an expert?" Kim Dokja asked smoothly.

"This isn't about being an expert, it's about reading the video description." Kim Dokja didn't even know it was humanly possible to sound as condescending as Yoo Joonghyuk did. "Perhaps you're the one who can't read."

In an ideal world, Yoo Joonghyuk would be tricked into revealing which type of cake he liked the most so Kim Dokja could make it for him. But since this was the real world, he just had to argue with him about technicalities. Kim Dokja was not going to take this kind of injustice lying down.

"'Baking' is a general term that refers to the act of creating a cake, it doesn't necessarily have to involve an oven," he said.

"The term 'bake' implies there must be an oven or heat."

"You're attacking a straw man. I was explicitly referring to how the term 'baking' has been extended to include the creation of desserts in general and not its literal definition. For example, when you say you're baking something you're including the step of mixing the ingredients together in the process you’re envisioning, but that step doesn't involve heat at all."

"Shut up. That's not how a straw man works."

"Resorting to ad hominem attacks now, are we?"

"You—"

"You guys are insufferable," said Jang Hayoung, who was passing by the kitchen. She had an expression on her face like she couldn't believe she ever thought either of them was attractive. "Seriously, do you never get bored of this shit?"

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at her. "I wasn't talking to you."

"Shouldn't you be at work right now?" Kim Dokja added.

"I was grabbing my USB, okay? And don't make out on the kitchen table, people have to eat there." Jang Hayoung left the kitchen, humming to herself under her breath.

Kim Dokja turned back to Yoo Joonghyuk, who was watching him with a peculiar look on his face. "I have no idea why they keep making these jokes about us," he said, shaking his head in exasperation. 

Besides, even if they were hypothetically going to make out, there was no way they were going to do it on the table in front of the cameras. Hypothetically.

He hadn't even realized Yoo Joonghyuk was smiling until the light in his eyes disappeared and his expression shuttered. "Are you going to bake the cake or not?"

"Of course I am."

After much bickering, they decided on a matcha cake recipe that wasn't too sweet. There was a mysterious half-empty tin of matcha powder in the pantry that no one knew whom it belonged to, and they decided they might as well use it up.

The beginning of the cake-making went by without a hitch. As much as he hated to admit it sometimes, Yoo Joonghyuk was terrifyingly competent at almost every aspect of everyday life. Once again, Kim Dokja found himself thinking about how if life were a book, Yoo Joonghyuk would be the overpowered protagonist all the readers complained about because the stakes were too low and there was no tension in the plot at all.

"Kim Dokja. Pay attention."

Yoo Joonghyuk's brows were furrowed, and he was watching him with a grumpy look on his face.

Kim Dokja looked down at the bowl of flour he was mixing and set down the wooden spoon in his hand. "What's next in the recipe? Is it time to add the wet ingredients?"

Instead of replying, Yoo Joonghyuk opened the carton of eggs and took one out. As Kim Dokja watched, he cracked it against the rim of his bowl with both hands and smoothly separated the egg yolk from the whites. Then he took out another one and did the same thing.

What a disappointment.

"Crack the egg with one hand, Yoo Joonghyuk," ordered Kim Dokja.

"No."

"You did it multiple times before, so why are you reluctant now?"

"Watch your mouth," Yoo Joonghyuk snapped. He always got defensive when he was embarrassed.

"I can't see inside my mouth."

Yoo Joonghyuk clenched his teeth and took a deep breath in like he was actively suppressing the urge to strangle him. 

Kim Dokja took the opportunity to add the egg whites into the bowl without getting reprimanded for adding them too quickly or too slowly or whatever other detail the bastard was fixated on this time. He turned on the electric hand mixer and started whisking the egg whites and sugar into the right consistency. After a few minutes of nothing really happening, he decided to give the mixture a little nudge in the right direction.

But Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his wrist before he could add the cream of tartar into the mixture. "Don't put that in."

"Why not?"

"Beat the egg whites yourself."

"I am beating them myself, I'm just giving them more chemical incentive to turn into meringue."

Kim Dokja tried to wrench his hand back, but Yoo Joonghyuk only held on tighter. 

"It'll alter the taste,” warned Yoo Joonghyuk.

It was difficult to resist the urge to alter this bastard's facial structure. "You need to get over yourself, one pinch of it isn't going to alter anything. Now let go of my hand."

"No."

"Yoo Joonghyuk. This is an ultimatum."

The sound of movement behind him caught his attention. Kim Dokja looked up from his grappling match with Yoo Joonghyuk only to see the cameramen packing up their equipment and getting ready to leave.

"Where are you guys going?" asked Kim Dokja.

"Our job here is done," one of them replied, hoisting his bag over his shoulder.

"But we haven't even started baking the cake yet."

"So you admit 'baking' refers to the process of heating up the cake in the oven," Yoo Joonghyuk said arrogantly.

Kim Dokja grabbed a handful of flour and tugged open the collar of Yoo Joonghyuk's shirt. Before he could sprinkle it in, however, Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his wrists and pinned them to his chest.

"Enough," he said in a low voice.

Their eyes met. Time slowed to a crawl as Kim Dokja realized how close they were standing to each other. The hands on his wrists felt like hot brands against his skin, and he could feel Yoo Joonghyuk's warm breath on his neck. He could count every single one of his long eyelashes as they fanned over his skin.

The air conditioning was humming in the background, a low vibration that accompanied the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. For one delirious moment, he wondered what would happen if he leaned in and kissed him.

***

Once they finished making the cake, Yoo Joonghyuk left the house to go do whatever it was that he usually did on weekdays. When he got back in the evening, Kim Dokja was sitting on the upstairs balcony with his laptop, trying to adjust the outline of his latest novel for the thousandth time.

Kim Dokja heard the door behind him slide open, and turned around to greet the visitor. He nearly did a double-take at the sight of Yoo Joonghyuk's outfit. "You're wearing white today," he exclaimed, looking him up and down in amazement. "Did you finally realize wearing all black isn't a personality trait?"

Ignoring the obvious bait, Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed one of the chairs and dragged it over, seating himself in it. "Kim Namwoon said dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes."

"Thank you for the report." Yoo Joonghyuk's shirt glowed in the fading light of the sun like teeth in a toothpaste ad, and Kim Dokja couldn't resist cracking another joke at his expense. "Did the rising temperatures scare you into dressing like a normal human instead of a Byronic hero?"

Yoo Joonghyuk had that familiar look on his face again, the one that said 'I don't even want to know what you're talking about because it'll only piss me off more.' By now, Kim Dokja was intimately acquainted with all the different flavours of Yoo Joonghyuk's annoyance, and he also knew exactly how far he could go before the emotion crossed over from fond exasperation to actual irritation.

"It's a good look on you," Kim Dokja offered as a metaphorical olive branch. The exasperation and the shirt both.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," said Yoo Joonghyuk, lips pressed together that weird expression that was a beguiling mix of angry, embarrassed, and constipated all at the same time.

Kim Dokja set his laptop down on the coffee table and leaned back in his chair, admiring how the rays of the setting sun painted the horizon sky scarlet and plated the leaves of the trees with gold.

"I remember you used to wear this one white t-shirt a lot, the collared one." He propped his chin on his knee and glanced at Yoo Joonghyuk, a smile playing on his lips. "It had a tiny square logo on the front. Or was it a circle?"

"It was a star."

"That was your favourite shirt when you were small, wasn't it?"

It was a shame he couldn't remember what Yoo Joonghyuk looked like as a child anymore. All the memories he had of his childhood were obscured by the shadow of the empty years that stretched between the beginning and the end, the chipped red paint of the play structure and the bloodied pavement under the classroom window.

"It was," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

His black eyes looked golden in the sunlight, and he was looking at Kim Dokja like he was the only person in the world who mattered in that moment.

In a way, Yoo Joonghyuk was the hero of his adolescent days. And now, his saviour was stepping down from his pedestal and walking back into his life as an equal. Kim Dokja no longer saw him as a fantasy, a symbol of unreachable happiness, or a character in the stories he wrote as a form of escape; Yoo Joonghyuk was just another regular person who lived, breathed, and felt joy and sadness and anger like everyone else in this world.

"You should wear white more often," said Kim Dokja.

A car pulled onto the driveway below them and came to a stop. Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa got out of the car and headed into the house, chatting casually about one thing or the other. But Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't watching them, he was watching him. Their chairs were close enough that Kim Dokja could reach out and run his hand through Yoo Joonghyuk's hair if he wanted to, and it took all his self-control to keep his hands at his sides.

Yoo Sangah eventually came looking for them, and they headed downstairs for dinner together. 

Kim Namwoon was setting up the plates and bowls on the dinner table when they got there, and he perked up at the sight of Yoo Joonghyuk. "Hyung, what do you think of my hair?"

"It looks fine," said Yoo Joonghyuk, sitting down beside Kim Dokja.

"You look like a giant bird shat on your head," said Jung Heewon. She pulled out a chair on the opposite side of the table and sat down in it, swinging one leg over the other.

Surprisingly, Kim Namwoon didn't rise to the bait. "Does it really look that cringy?" he asked with a frown, rolling a strand of it between his fingers. 

Jung Heewon faltered, and an almost guilty look flashed across her face. "...You know, the more I look at it, the more okay it looks. Yeah, it's not that bad. Sangah-ssi did a pretty good job with it, actually. The white hair, uh, suits you."

Both Jung Heewon and Kim Namwoon looked surprised at how her words came out sounding.

"Thanks," said Kim Namwoon.

"No problem."

"This is character development," Kim Dokja whispered in Yoo Joonghyuk’s ear.

Yoo Joonghyuk flinched at the puff of hot air against his skin, and Kim Dokja had to hide his amused smile. Since when was he this sensitive?

"I made my secret stir-fry noodle recipe again since this is the last time I'm going to get to cook for you guys," Kim Namwoon announced once everyone had sat down. "Enjoy."

"It won't be the last time, Namwoon," Lee Seolhwa assured him. "I'm sure you'll get to cook for us again if we ever have a potluck in the future."

"Sounds good!"

After enduring weeks of various Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes-related activities and dark creations like boiled cucumbers, they had all built up a tolerance against borderline poisonous food items, so this time around they didn't even hesitate when helping themselves to Kim Namwoon's noodles. Of course, it also helped that Kim Namwoon had improved remarkably under Yoo Joonghyuk's guidance.

"I don't know if I'm hallucinating or something, but your noodles are actually decent," said Jung Heewon, staring down at her bowl in amazement. "They're still not good, but if I were stuck on a deserted island with only your noodles to eat I wouldn't starve to death anymore."

Kim Namwoon scrunched up his face like he was debating whether her statement was meant to be flattering, before shrugging and accepting it as a compliment. "Thanks."

If Jung Heewon was surprised she was having a civil conversation with Kim Namwoon, she hid it well. "No problem," she said, getting up from her chair. "By the way, does anyone else want a drink from the fridge?"

"No, because Kim Dokja forgot to buy beer," said Kim Namwoon, glaring at Kim Dokja.

"The grocery store didn't have the brand you wanted in stock," lied Kim Dokja.

"You couldn't have picked up some soju instead then?"

"Apple juice is better than alcohol for your health anyway," said Jung Heewon. She pulled open the fridge door and made a noise of surprise. "Hey, who made the cake in the fridge?"

Kim Dokja hid his face in his rice bowl. "Yoo Joonghyuk did."

"It was Kim Dokja," said Yoo Joonghyuk, the traitor.

Jung Heewon glanced between the two of them, eyebrows raised. "So are the rest of us allowed to eat it too, or is this some kind of forbidden bromance cake we're not allowed to touch?"

"Of course you can, we made it for everyone."

"Great."

"The cake looks amazing," Yoo Sangah commented as Jung Heewon set it down on the table. "Thank you for making it for us."

"It really does," said Lee Seolhwa, smiling. "You two did a wonderful job at baking again."

Kim Dokja considered warning them about the eggshells he accidentally dropped in the batter, but ultimately decided against it. Hopefully, they had all melted in the heat of the oven. 

Eventually, they managed to peer pressure Yoo Joonghyuk into cutting the cake for them. Well, not really peer pressure because he couldn't be pressured into doing anything he didn't want to do, but rather Kim Dokja kept dodging the responsibility until Yoo Joonghyuk got fed up and did it for him.

Anyhow, it was all part of the game plan.

"Were you at the gym for six hours today?" asked Kim Dokja, taking a bite out of the cake. "You do know it's impossible for the size of your muscles to match the size of your ego, right?"

Yoo Joonghyuk was predictably unimpressed by the attempt at humour. "I was signing something at Namgung Minyoung's company for her, and then I picked Mia up from summer camp."

It definitely wasn't easy raising a child on your own, and Kim Dokja wondered idly what Yoo Joonghyuk was like when he was with her. Would he smile more? Was that even physically possible, given how badly his facial muscles had atrophied from disuse? Probably not.

"What kind of summer camp is your sister at?" he asked.

If Yoo Joonghyuk was annoyed by the constant barrage of questions, it didn’t show on his face. "Game development."

"Does she want to go into the gaming industry when she grows up?"

"She doesn't know what she wants to do yet. It's for fun, her friends are participating as well."

Kim Dokja made a noise of acknowledgement. He had personally never gone to summer camps as a child, but the idea of an activity like that was interesting. "By the way, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly would you say your sister resembles you?"

"Why do you want to know?" Yoo Joonghyuk sounded suspicious.

"Well..."

Since there were no pictures of Yoo Joonghyuk as a child available online except a blurry middle school class photo courtesy of the actress Min Jiwon of all people, Yoo Mia was the closest reference to what the Yoo Joonghyuk from his childhood looked like. And confirmation of whether Yoo Joonghyuk had gotten plastic surgery or not, which was a hotly debated topic amongst bored netizens. Kim Dokja wasn't sure if he would ever get to meet her, but it was still something to keep in mind.

"...I'm just curious if you've ever gotten plastic surgery.”

Kim Dokja had the exquisite pleasure of watching Yoo Joonghyuk's expression transform from apathetic to downright furious in under a second.

"To clarify, I'm part of the camp that believes you didn't," Kim Dokja added. "But there was one blog post by someone claiming to be a plastic surgeon that raised some fascinating points about your nose bridge—"

The sound of someone clearing her throat interrupted whatever Yoo Joonghyuk was about to say. Across the table, Lee Seolhwa had raised her glass of apple juice into the air.

"Let's do a toast to celebrate the cake Joonghyuk-ssi and Dokja-ssi made for us," she said, gesturing with her glass. "I can go first. To everyone here, I'm glad I was able to meet you and I have no regrets anymore. And to the production staff, thank you for taking care of us these past four weeks."

Everyone else soon followed suit and clinked their cups together. Maybe it was because the show was ending soon, or simply because they had all gotten to know each other well over the past few weeks, but there was an air of nostalgia and camaraderie at the table. Even people like Kim Namwoon and Jung Heewon who normally didn't get along seemed to have set aside their differences for the time being. 

Kim Dokja caught Yoo Joonghyuk's eye and smiled at him. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't quite smile back, but his eyes noticeably softened.

The cheap apple juice tasted better than anything else he ever drank. 

***

"Joonghyuk-ssi."

Yoo Joonghyuk paused and turned around at the sound of his name being called. Lee Seolhwa was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking up at her, her hands laced behind her back. 

"Do you want to take a walk outside together?" she asked cheerfully. "The weather's quite nice tonight." 

Yoo Joonghyuk nodded. Glancing at Kim Dokja who was standing on the steps above him, he added, "Stay put."

"I'm not a dog, I don't do tricks."

"Don't touch anything you're not supposed to while I'm gone."

"You know I can't resist using your toothbrush to clean the toilet," Kim Dokja said wryly. Ignoring the death glare sent his way, he nodded politely at Lee Seolhwa and headed upstairs alone. 

He briefly considered playing a game of League for practice while he waited for Yoo Joonghyuk to get back before setting the thought aside; there was no point for him to improve too quickly. The bastard seemed to derive immense pleasure from bossing him around in-game, and who was he to deny him an opportunity to power trip? In Kim Dokja's expert opinion, Yoo Joonghyuk's ego was secretly a fragile creature despite its large size, similar to a mola mola. You had to treat it with care, feed it regularly, and occasionally give it a good stroke so it didn't die from inattention.

Besides, it was fun to see him get worked up every time Kim Dokja pulled off a particularly risky and/or braindead manoeuvre.

There was a cursory knock on his door before it was flung open by an impatient Han Sooyoung. She crossed the room in a few strides and flopped onto the bed near his desk, limbless. "I'm beat," she yawned, rolling onto her back. "Damn, these beds are super comfortable. You guys really have it easy, unlike yours truly here, who has to battle meddling Star Stream executives every other day—"

"You're lying on Yoo Joonghyuk's bed," Kim Dokja pointed out.

"...Fuck." Han Sooyoung rolled over again and continued rolling until she landed on the carpet with a soft thump. "Don't tell him I laid on his sheets, he’ll kill me. Why is the fish plushie on his bed anyway? Isn't it yours?"

"It was originally supposed to be in the bathroom, but he got annoyed and took it out," said Kim Dokja. He scanned through the text document of his latest book, mentally estimating how long his new webnovel would turn out to be. 

"Why would you put a plushie in the bathroom?" She wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Hey, what have you been up to recently? Still working on that Murim book you told me about before?"

"My answers are 'no particular reason', 'nothing', and 'yes' respectively."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Han Sooyoung crossed her legs and pushed herself upright. "Can I read whatever you have right now?" 

"Sure."

They went out onto the balcony with his laptop so their words wouldn't be captured by the recording cameras. Han Sooyoung slumped down in a chair and propped her legs onto the coffee table, while Kim Dokja chose to lean against the railing overlooking the pond and the sprawling hills behind the house instead. He wasn't looking for Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa or anything, he was simply admiring the beautiful scenery—wow, he could actually see them from here. Interesting.

"Pfft, you've gotten a lot better at describing what love feels like," Han Sooyoung remarked as she scrolled through the document. "Drawing from personal experience here, are we?"

Kim Dokja cleared his throat. "You can tell?"

"I'm a literary genius, of course I can tell when there's romance in the works," she said, deadpan. "But seriously, are the main characters supposed to be gay? Because the sheer amount of subtext here is ridiculous."

"Yes, actually," said Kim Dokja. "My editor wanted romance, so I'm giving him romance."

She held his gaze for a heavy moment, then turned her attention back to the laptop screen. "Bold. I approve."

"Thank you."

After she finished reading and commenting on the chapters he had written out so far and his outline—

("Are you seriously going to go with the resurrection trope again? Is this your kink or something?" "I can tell this girl is going to turn out to be evil...yep, she is. Called it." "I swear I said the same thing to you last week. Should I start copyrighting my quotes?" "Wow, you're not even trying to hide the fact that he’s based on Yoo Joonghyuk at this point." "Don't tell me he's going to—WHY. Why would you even do that? Why do you always have to give the animal sidekick a sad backstory? Can't you let them be comic relief in peace?" "Hey, you killed off the deuteragonist instead of the protagonist this time. I would applaud you, but that's not actually a step forward so I won't.")

—Han Sooyoung shut the laptop, set it down onto the coffee table, and got up to stand beside him. She didn't say she wanted to head back inside, so he didn't bring it up either. He could tell there was something else she wanted to say from the agitated rhythm her foot was tapping out on the ground.

In the distance, Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk were still walking slowly around the perimeter of the pond, their tiny figures barely illuminated by the light from the house and the few street lamps on the trail. Kim Dokja couldn't fathom why anyone would willingly feed themselves to the mosquitoes at this hour, but perhaps Yoo Joonghyuk's skin was so thick that he was impervious to them.

He felt a light nudge at his ribs, and dutifully turned around to give Han Sooyoung his attention. 

"Do you still remember when we watched that TV show together last year? And how we both got mad at the main characters' friends because they all knew the two of them were in love but wouldn't tell them?" she asked. "And how that led to lots of pointless mutual pining drama that could have easily been avoided if their friends had said something?"

"Why are you suddenly bringing it up?"

"Because I hate that kind of cheap misunderstanding, and as your best friend, it's my duty to nip that shit in the bud." Han Sooyoung had a steely look in her eye like she was preparing to deliver a mind-shattering statement, and Kim Dokja subconsciously held his breath in anticipation. "Yoo Joonghyuk is in love with you," she declared.

That was it?

A small huff of a laugh slipped out from between Kim Dokja's lips before he could reign it in. "I know."

"You do?" Her eyes narrowed, and she pressed her lips together in dissatisfaction. "Then why haven't you done anything about it?"

"I'm saving the confession for the last day."

She didn't look convinced. "You know I'm not going to film you guys, so you don't have to follow the 'can't confess until Saturday' rule of the show, right?"

"I know, but if I do then I can leave if something goes wrong and spare us both the awkwardness," he replied. "It's a strategic decision."

"Why would anything go wrong?" 

"Life is full of unexpected circumstances," Kim Dokja said vaguely.

"Life is also fucking short, and the sooner you get it out of the way, the more time you'll get to spend with him," Han Sooyoung retorted. She studied his face for a moment, before groaning and smacking her forehead with her hand. "You don't believe he's in love with you, do you."

"I do."

"Stop lying." The eye-roll was heavily implied in her tone of voice. "Do you want confirmation from unbiased parties or something? Because I'm sure Yoo Sangah and Jung Heewon would tell you the same thing if you asked them. Hell, I'm pretty sure even Lee Seolhwa would tell you the same thing."

Kim Dokja looked away. "Yes, I know."

"The longer you drag this out, the more you'll start to doubt each other," she insisted. "Do you really want him to get away again?"

No. "I'll think about it."

"Don't think about it, do it. Or even better, do him," Han Sooyoung said through gritted teeth. "I'm not going to pressure you into confessing because I know you're a stubborn idiot and that won't work on you, but you should seriously consider doing it as soon as possible. There's no way in hell he won't say yes if you ask him out."

"Because he thinks he owes me." For leaving me behind all those years ago.

The pressure in his chest lightened after he finally said the words that had been circling in his head these past two weeks.

He could tell Yoo Joonghyuk knew more about him than he let on. It was obvious in the way he avoided certain subjects whenever one of them brought up their past together, and how he never asked him about his family. He was lucky to have someone who understood what had happened to him without him having to say a word, but at the same time, it cast a shadow of doubt over all their interactions.

Kim Dokja wasn't an idiot, he knew Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't in love with Yoo Sangah or Han Sooyoung or Lee Hyunsung. Those were all excuses, miscellaneous worries for his mind to dwell on instead of what was truly bothering him. No matter how differently Yoo Joonghyuk treated him from the others, how special he seemed to be to him—he couldn't shake the feeling that it was out of pity, or guilt, or any emotion other than affection. 

"No offence, but Yoo Joonghyuk is an asshole." Han Sooyoung's voice interrupted his train of thought. "Do you really think he'd, what, pay you back with his body if he thought he owed you something? This isn’t a trashy CEO novel."

"It does sound ridiculous if you put it that way," Kim Dokja begrudged. He adjusted his grip on the railing to rest his chin on his arms, looking out into the dark garden below. He could still feel Han Sooyoung's piercing gaze on the side of his face.

"What about you?" she asked, eyes blazing. "If you two didn't have your past together, would you still like him?"

Would he?

He thought of those rare glimpses of kindness in the beginning, and how he found himself purposefully seeking him out just so he could see those dark eyes focused on him, and only him. And the truth was, even before Yoo Joonghyuk had given him the postcard, he had already liked him more than he had any reason to. He couldn't tell how much of it was because he had subconsciously recognized him, and how much of it was an inevitability.

"Does it even matter, Kim Dokja?" Han Sooyoung continued. She never backed down when it mattered. "You're both adults, you know how you feel, and he knows how he feels. Have more faith in other people."

She was right again, damn it. Kim Dokja used to think of himself as the wisest person between them, mostly because Han Sooyoung had a history of purposefully making bad decisions to antagonize someone she hated, but now she had him beat.

Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa were walking back up the hill towards the house now. Kim Dokja thought he saw Yoo Joonghyuk looking his way, and smiled back at him.

Han Sooyoung followed the direction of his gaze and rolled her eyes. "Stupid lovebirds," she muttered, stretching her arms above her head with a yawn. "I guess this means we won't be seeing much of each other from now on."

Kim Dokja frowned at her. "Don't tell me you were diagnosed with a terminal illness."

Han Sooyoung's yawn caught in her throat. "What the hell? Don't curse me like that." Letting out an annoyed sigh, she continued, "It's just, I've been really busy with work this year and we didn't see each other much, and now that you have Yoo Joonghyuk and everyone here..." She ran her hand through her hair. "You don't need me anymore. I know I've always been a shitty friend, and—"

"Sooyoung-ah."

She fell silent.

"Just because there are more people in my life doesn't mean anything will change between us," Kim Dokja told her in a gentle voice. "You'll always be my best friend, and my first reader. As long as I know you're there, I'll keep writing."

He still remembered the day when she came up to him in class and asked him to be her project partner, and how grateful he was to be seen by someone for the first time in a long time. She stayed with him when no one else was there and helped him piece his life back together after it had been shattered by everyone before her, and without her, he wouldn't be here today.

She shuffled closer and let her head drop onto his shoulder. Together, they stared out into the starry night. "You better keep writing," she murmured.

"I will."

Han Sooyoung was the closest person to a family he had right now, and nothing would ever change the sibling-like bond they shared. He wasn't terrified of strangers looking at him and seeing who he was anymore, because she had shown him there was nothing to fear.

"After this book is done, I think I want to work on something...different," said Kim Dokja, pausing between words. "People probably won't want to read it, but I want to finish writing it anyway. For myself."

"I would read it," said Han Sooyoung.

"I'll hold you to that promise then."

"Go for it."

The night sky was clear, and there wasn't a single cloud in sight. Tomorrow was going to be another sunny day.

"Are you busy tomorrow morning?" he asked.

"Nope. Why?"

"Do you want to go shopping with me? I need to buy parting gifts for everyone."

"Sure, we can take my car to the mall," said Han Sooyoung. "On another note, do you know where my matcha powder went? It was supposed to be in the pantry but I can't find it anywhere."

"...No."

***

There was a surprisingly large collection of YJH merch available online.

Kim Dokja vaguely remembered a time when Yoo Joonghyuk was lambasted by internet denizens for taking on so many sponsorships at once. They called him desperate and money-hungry, but he still got the last laugh in the end: All of the limited edition merch sold out, and now that he had retired and broken ties with his old company, the only way to get more was through second-hand channels. And the demand was far greater than the supply.

Luckily, the less classy types of merch were still in stock. Kim Dokja never knew he needed a cheap t-shirt with Yoo Joonghyuk's angry face plastered on the front before now; today was truly a day of self-discovery. The pocket watch wouldn't be ready until August, but he could get his YJH t-shirt delivered in under 24 hours if he paid for express shipping. This was the miracle of mass production.

However, t-shirts were low-hanging fruit, cannon fodder, garbage level 1 equipment, etcetera, etcetera. As someone with good taste (though Han Sooyoung begged to differ), Kim Dokja had higher aspirations. 

There was one question at the forefront of his mind: did they sell YJH body pillows? That kind of thing surely existed, right? Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't the most lusted after pro gamer in South Korea for nothing. No, wait. A body pillow was far too conspicuous—the others would never let him live it down if they caught him with it, even if he explained that he bought it ironically in order to embarrass Yoo Joonghyuk.

After spending half an hour scrolling through posts, he finally found something he didn't even know he was looking for: a 2016 limited edition YJH light stick with his username engraved on the handle. There was no reason for YJH to even have a light stick in his name, but art didn’t conform to social expectations. 

Kim Dokja made the order in satisfaction. Yes, this was the best possible thing money could buy. Now all he had to do was buy gifts for everyone else in the house tomorrow with Han Sooyoung.

His bedroom door suddenly slammed open, and Kim Namwoon poked his head in. "Joonghyuk-hyung isn't here right now, is he?" he asked, sounding nervous.

"He's showering.”

"Good."

Kim Namwoon crossed the room in a few bounds and slipped Kim Dokja an anonymous brown envelope. 

"It's your turn to sign the card. We didn't finish decorating it yet, but Jihye said we should get everyone to sign it first so we know how much space we have to manoeuvre," he said under his breath.

"So it's just 'Jihye' now, is it?"

Kim Namwoon scowled at him, cheeks pink with embarrassment. "You're so fucking annoying."

"I get that a lot," said Kim Dokja.

"Anyway, don't let him see it or I'll kill you," he whispered, slapping Kim Dokja on the back with more force than necessary.

"It's a birthday card, not a confidential war document."

Still, Kim Dokja made sure to go outside onto the upstairs balcony to sign the card, in case Yoo Joonghyuk found the ugly sunfish doodle on the handle of his toothbrush in permanent marker and came seeking revenge.

Lee Jihye and Kim Namwoon had really outdone themselves with the card, in a bad way. Kim Dokja couldn't get the silver glitter off his hands no matter how hard he tried, and he dreaded to think what monstrosity it would become in the future. He now understood why Kim Namwoon was carrying it around in a manila envelope; it wasn't to protect it from them, it was to protect them from it.

Kim Dokja opened up the card and smiled at the lines written in it in a myriad of different handwriting. Although there were some questionable messages mixed in there, it was overall a heartwarming sight.

[ Happy birthday, Master! It would be nice if you didn't have to leave the house haha but I guess that's impossible unless Sooyoung-unnie chained you up...don't ignore my texts if I ever text you!      - Lee Jihye ]

[ Hyung, happy birthday. You're the coolest guy I've ever met and can I have your number if you didn't already give it to me? I won't abuse it or anything.      -Kim Namwoon ]

[ Let's stay in touch, Joonghyuk-ssi. Happy birthday.      -Lee Hyunsung ]

[ Happy Birthday      -Jang Hayoung ]

[ Happy birthday. Good luck with your work.      -Jung Heewon ]

[ Happy birthday! Thank you for making dalgona for us the other day, Joonghyuk-ssi. I enjoyed the talk we had.      -Yoo Sangah ]

[ congrats now you're 1 year closer to death      -Han Sooyoung ]

[ Happy birthday, Joonghyuk-ssi. I'm glad you found what you've been searching for.      -Lee Seolhwa ]

There was a patch of white space right in the centre of the card that the others had saved for him.

[ To you and all the versions of you I never met, happy birthday.      -Kim Dokja ]

Chapter Text

They sit there in the shade of the tree together, talking about everything and nothing at once. There are soda bubbles in Kim Dokja's chest that fizz and pop in bursts of sharp sweetness, making his breaths come quicker and his head feel lighter than ever.

"I have to go," Joonghyuk says after a while. 

Kim Dokja's face falls, and the bubbles in his chest vanish. "Can't you stay a little longer?"

"I can't. I need to finish packing before I go to bed tonight."

"You said you spent all of yesterday packing, so how are you still not done?" Kim Dokja complains. "Why are you so slow?"

"Shut up. Like you can do any better."

Kim Dokja squeezes Joonghyuk's hand as hard as he can in retaliation, but as usual, the pain doesn't seem to bother him at all. 

"Take care of yourself when I'm gone," says Joonghyuk, ignoring the way Kim Dokja is currently trying to cut off all blood flow to his fingers. "For me."

Kim Dokja's grip loosens until they're holding hands normally again. "I will."

Joonghyuk turns around until they're facing each other. There's something heavy in his eyes, a wordless gray shadow that makes him look a lot older than he actually is.

"And don't let anyone hurt you. Because I..." Joonghyuk's next words sound like they're being forced through his teeth. "I'll be angry if you get hurt."

This is what he has always wanted: to matter as much to Joonghyuk as he does to him.

"I'm not going to let anyone hurt me," Kim Dokja repeats, heart clenching in his chest.

Joonghyuk presses his lips together. "But don't do anything stupid or dangerous on your own either. Wait for me to get back."

"I know, I won't. I'll wait for you."

"...Okay."

'Shy' is a strange look on Joonghyuk. Kim Dokja's chest fills with warmth when he realizes he's probably the first person to see him like this, ever. There are a thousand things he wants to say to Joonghyuk, but he can't seem to put anything into words right now. 

Joonghyuk gently runs his thumb along the back of his hand one last time before letting go. His gaze lingers on Kim Dokja for a moment as if he's trying to memorize every line and detail of his face before he abruptly turns around and walks away.

Kim Dokja sits there in silence and watches him leave. Joonghyuk's figure gets smaller and smaller in the distance until he vanishes into the shimmering haze of the sun and the summer air like he never existed in the first place.

There are only two weeks left of summer, Kim Dokja thinks. 

He draws his knees to his chest and curls in on himself, trying desperately to keep the warmth in his chest from fading. 

I can wait two weeks.

***

The shopping mall was relatively quiet on Thursday morning, though Han Sooyoung's ceaseless commentary made up for the lack of background noise. They were currently in the book store trying to find gifts for Lee Jihye and Lee Seolhwa. After taking a detour in the science fiction aisle to check out the updated cover of Watcher of Darkness ("If only you were as hot as the main character on the cover of this book, Kim Dokja."), they stopped by the non-fiction aisle so Kim Dokja could pick out an acupuncture book that Lee Seolhwa mentioned having an interest in last week.

"Why are you buying Jihye a book?" asked Han Sooyoung, trailing after him as he wound his way through the shelves. "Like I said a billion times already, just give her money. There's no gift better than cold, hard cash. Except maybe real estate."

Kim Dokja ignored her comment and headed towards a prominent display of textbooks. Scanning the colourful titles, he found the one he was looking for and picked it up, testing its weight in his hand.

"A CSAT study guide?" Han Sooyoung asked incredulously. "Really? That's the best thing you could think of?"

"I'm merely giving everyone the gifts they deserve."

Han Sooyoung looked unimpressed. "Do you have a death wish, Kim Dokja?"

"You know I only have her best interests in mind." Despite saying so, Kim Dokja put the book back on the shelf. 

In the end, he decided to buy her volume 1 of a Japanese manga with two men gazing lovingly into each other's eyes on the cover because it seemed like the kind of book she would enjoy. This was one of the benefits of having no offline presence: he could buy whatever he wanted at a store and know no one would look twice at his purchase. Yoo Joonghyuk probably couldn't buy BL manga in public without ending up in some sort of social media shitpost.

Kim Dokja set the books down on the checkout counter, and the overly cheerful cashier beamed at him.

"Hello! How are you doing today?"

"Good."

"Would you like to sign up for our mailing list?" the cashier asked in that same unnaturally peppy tone. "As part of Star Stream's 95th-anniversary celebration, you can get 950 won off your purchase of 9,500 won or more if you sign up now."

"Sure, thank you."

"You can't even buy a coffee with 950 won," Han Sooyoung griped. "Stop wasting time signing up for useless shit. I'm hungry."

"Any bit of money Star Stream loses is a win for me," Kim Dokja said nonchalantly.

Ignoring their blatant disrespect towards his evil corporate overlord, the cashier pressed a few keys on the keyboard and pressed enter. "Can I get your name, sir?"

"Yoo Joonghyuk."

Han Sooyoung burst into raucous laughter, and the cashier shot her a worried look. He probably thought the two of them were drunk or something.

"And your birthday?"

"August 3rd."

"Which email would you like to use for the mailing list?"

"Abyssal Black Flame Dragon 1 at Naver dot com," Kim Dokja said with a straight face.

Han Sooyoung nearly collapsed onto the counter, unable to hold herself up against the force of her gasping laughter.

The cashier paused. "I’m sorry, could you repeat that please?"

"Abyssal Black Flame Dragon 1 at Naver dot com."

"He's going to be pissed as fuck when he starts receiving spam mail with Yoo Joonghyuk's name on it," Han Sooyoung told him as they made their way out of the store with bags on their arms. 

"I'm just trying to keep him on his toes." Kim Dokja scanned the shopping list on his phone, mentally checking off each of his purchases. "That's everyone, right? We're done for the day?"

"Are you not going to buy me a present?" Han Sooyoung asked in mock indignation. "And here I thought I was your best friend."

"If I recall correctly, you still owe me 40,000 won. Me not pressuring you to pay me back can be your present."

Han Sooyoung's lip curled in disgust, probably because she thought she could get away with it. "Whatever," she said, flicking her hair out of her face. "Hey, let's buy some pastries before we go."

They made their way to a fancy bakery outside the mall. Kim Dokja got a sinking feeling in his stomach when he noticed the various constellation-themed decorations in the shop and the fluffy dokkaebi logo on the plastic packaging. Of all the shops in the world, they had to pick the Star Stream affiliated one. The 950 won he had saved from the previous transaction was going right back in their pockets.

Before he could point out their misfortune to Han Sooyoung, her phone rang.

"Damn it." She cursed at the number on the screen and made her way to the door, pushing it open with her hip. "Sorry, I have to take this call. Stay here and don't move, I'll be back." 

"Wait—"

Now he was alone in the store with the cashier and the mountains of pastries he was reluctant to try. One of the display cases nearby proudly sported the label "Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes - Strawberry Cheesecake Flavour", and Kim Dokja recoiled from it as though it were an open flame. He kind of wanted to bring one home to show Yoo Joonghyuk, but was it worth enduring the smell for the entire car ride back?

"Is there anything I can help you with?" a voice behind him suddenly asked.

Kim Dokja turned around. A woman wearing an apron was standing there, and she flashed him a perfect customer-friendly smile as she set down a tray of freshly baked Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes in the empty display beside him.

There was something familiar about her face and the way she moved. He was sure that they had met before, but he couldn't remember where. In fact, the sense of deja vu he got when he looked at her was similar to how he felt about Yoo Joonghyuk when he first laid eyes on him one month ago. Was she also a retired pro gamer or something? With how extraordinarily developed Yoo Joonghyuk's culinary skills were, he couldn't deny the possibility there might be more pro gamers out there who moonlighted as chefs.

"Do you have any pastries you recommend?" Kim Dokja asked politely.

Since he had nothing better to do, he might as well make the purchase for Han Sooyoung so they could head back earlier. Maybe her plan all along was to fake a phone call to get him to pay for her food; he certainly wouldn't put it past Han Sooyoung to do so.

A flash of bronze suddenly caught his eye, and he glanced down at the shiny nametag on the woman's chest. Park Hyojin, the nametag read.

The woman—Park Hyojin—smiled at him, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Of course." 

Kim Dokja didn't remember the names of most of his schoolmates anymore, but there were two he would never be able to forget: Song Minwoo and Park Hyojin. The person who made his middle school years a living hell was standing before him now, and she had no clue who he was. 

"Our croquettes are very popular for lunch, especially the spicy curry ones. They're actually my personal favourite."

In middle school, Park Hyojin poured a bucket of water over him and told their classmates she was washing the crazy out of Kim Dokja's head. She was doing everyone a favour, she said, because what if the crazy was contagious?

"There's also a large selection of milk breads and cream breads, including our most popular red bean cream cheese bread."

She and her friends used to read excerpts of his mother's book and newspaper articles out loud to him to see how he would react. They thought it was funny when he trembled and covered his ears, and they always laughed if he tried to leave the classroom and blocked his way.

"And lastly, there's our signature Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes. We bake a fresh batch every day, and we have many more flavours here compared to the boxes sold in the supermarket, like strawberry cheesecake or taro."

She was the one who started calling him Kim Psycho, who bullied anyone who tried to befriend him until they stopped. She was the one who wrote on his desk over and over and over in ink the colour of blood: Son of a murderer. Psychopath. Go kill yourself. Killer-in-training. Why are you still not dead?

Of course, she never laid a hand on him like Song Minwoo did. No one pushed him out of the classroom window that summer, but no one had to.

"Thank you for the information," said Kim Dokja, voice calm. 

"You're welcome."

Park Hyojin headed behind the counter, where she exchanged cheerful greetings with the cashier there before swapping positions with her. As he watched from the corner of the store, she checked on the cakes in the display and made a drink for another customer. There was a silver wedding band on her ring finger and a glow to her cheeks that made her look positively radiant. She seemed...happy.

He wondered if her past actions ever kept her up at night, if she ever thought about the boy from middle school and regretted what she had done. Maybe yes, maybe no.

"Your total is 18,630 won. Will you be paying with credit or debit?" 

"Credit."

If they were characters in a book, this would be when he revealed his name to her and tried his best to ruin her life, starting by getting her fired from her job. She was the one who taught him that you didn't need to touch someone to hurt them, and it was only natural for him to repay her for all the pain she caused, right?

But strangely, he found that he had no desire to do so. He no longer wished to see her suffer—not because he had forgiven her, but because he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. That chapter of his life had reached its conclusion, and it was time he put it to rest.

"Have a great day," she said, handing him his bag with a bright smile.

Kim Dokja turned around, pushed open the door, and walked into the light. 

Han Sooyoung was leaning on a post outside, and she didn't even look up as he approached.

"Did you know they sold Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes in there?" he asked. "There's clearly no demand, so why is there so much supply?"

She didn't reply, too engrossed in the text she was currently drafting on her phone. Rooting around in the bag for a croquette, Kim Dokja patiently waited for her to finish whatever she was doing. After furiously typing on her phone for a minute, Han Sooyoung pressed send and whirled around, walking briskly to the parking lot.

"What's wrong?" asked Kim Dokja. He was still holding the half-eaten croquette in his hand. "Did something happen at work?"

Han Sooyoung's expression was solemn when she turned to look at him. "Lee Seolhwa left the show," she said.

***

[Constellation Observatory]

"Are you really leaving, Seolhwa-unnie?" asked Jang Hayoung. 

Jung Heewon and Yoo Sangah were not in the room, having left for work early in the morning. All four of the girls had exchanged numbers and bade goodbye to each other last night after Lee Seolhwa revealed she was quitting the show. The official reason was that she had to work overtime this week and could no longer fulfill the time commitment, but they all understood what was left unspoken.

"We'll see each other again soon," Lee Seolhwa assured her, zipping up her suitcase. "Besides, there's always Joonghyuk-ssi's birthday next Monday, isn't there? I'll be sure to attend."

"There are only three days of filming left," said Jang Hayoung, frowning. "If you leave now, don't you think it's kind of..."

"People will always talk, regardless of what you do." Lee Seolhwa's smile was sharp. "I spoke to the director about it last week and she said it was alright, and that's the only thing that matters. What others say about me is none of my concern."

[Sun Wukong]: Damn, I kind of admire her guts. 

[Bihyung]: I wonder if Yoo Joonghyuk knows about this.

[Uriel]: Maybe she told him last night when they were on their walk?

[Yi Sunsin]: I see, so that's why she proposed the toast. She was saying goodbye to everyone.

Jang Hayoung still looked unsure, and Lee Seolhwa's smile softened at its edges. "Don't worry, we'll see each other soon. And you can text me if you want to have lunch together tomorrow, I think my clinic is rather close to your workplace."

"Okay then, I will. Do you need any help carrying your stuff?"

"It's alright, I can manage on my own. I still need to check one last time to make sure I haven't forgotten anything... You should probably leave for work now or you'll be late again, Hayoung-ah."

"Yeah. See you then, unnie." Jang Hayoung hovered in the doorway, biting her lip like she was hesitating about bringing something up. Finally, she seemed to make up her mind and left without saying another word.

[Yi Sunsin]: I can understand why she made this choice. It's probably more beneficial for her to step back and take some time to herself right now.

[Uriel]: Especially since Kim Namwoon keeps bothering her with math questions when she clearly wants to be alone.

[Sun Wukong]: I think that's the most stressful thing you could do in that scenario.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: He's distracting her from her problems!

[Uriel]: By asking her about calculus when she never even studied it in university?

The scene cut to the room Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja shared. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting in front of his desk, typing away at something on his laptop, the screen of which was blurred for his privacy. Suddenly, his hands stilled on the keyboard, and he turned around in his chair.

[Bihyung]: Did he hear something?

[Sun Wukong]: I can't tell if it's better or worse for them to run into each other now.

[Uriel]: Ah, he stood up! 

The scene cut back to Lee Seolhwa, who was quietly rolling her suitcase towards the stairs. Once she got there, she set her suitcase upright and reached for its handle—but another hand shot out and lifted it before she could.

Lee Seolhwa looked up in surprise, and her lips tilted up into a wistful smile at the sight before her eyes. "Good morning, Joonghyuk-ssi."

***

Why would Lee Seolhwa leave the show now?

Because she has no reason to stay anymore, the rational voice in his head told him. It sounded suspiciously like Han Sooyoung, and he brushed it aside.

Kim Dokja barged in through the front door and took the steps upstairs two at a time, his heart beating loudly in his chest.

Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting at his desk in their room when Kim Dokja flung open the door, and he turned around in his chair at the noise. "Are you trying to destroy public property?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You're a 28-year-old man, why don't you act your age for once?" 

"Don't quote me." Kim Dokja set down his bags beside the door and crossed the room in a few steps. "Did Lee Seolhwa already leave?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't stop her?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's expression hardened, the light in his eyes dimming at the sound of his words. "No, I didn't."

"You could have asked her to stay," said Kim Dokja. Why didn't you?

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't reply.

When he was young, Kim Dokja used to wonder, what would have happened if he had begged Joonghyuk to stay on that day?

The answer was nothing. Nothing would have changed, because they were both too powerless and too young to know what kind of future was awaiting them. Other people toyed with their lives, made choices for them, and cast them aside without asking what they wanted.

Kim Dokja watched a lot of people leave him over the years: his father, his mother, his aunt and uncle, all the people who had shown him kindness and stopped when he became a burden. He used to stay up all night wondering why he was never enough to make them stay, until one day, he came to the realization that it wasn't their fault, it was his. There was nothing he could give them that could ever be enough. He could never make them happy.

In all the books he had completed over the years, Kim Dokja never once wrote an ending where Yoo Joonghyuk remained by his side. Lee Seolhwa was everything he wasn't—she was the chance to live a life free from prying eyes and whispered rumours, a fresh start. Kim Dokja had two decades worth of ghosts haunting him, and he didn't know if he would ever be completely free of them. 

"It's not too late to change your mind," he said quietly. "Han Sooyoung has everyone's contact information, you can go see her."

There was a trace of what looked like disappointment in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes. "I'm not going to change my mind." 

"If this is about your pride—"

"Kim Dokja. You're a fool," Yoo Joonghyuk said in a low voice. There was a simmering fury in his words, and an indescribable weight behind the way he spoke his name. Kim Dokja. "Are you doing this on purpose? Don't you know—" He cut himself off, shaking his head, and turned away from him. "You should leave."

When Kim Dokja didn't move, Yoo Joonghyuk sighed and got up from his chair, heading towards the door. 

A hand on his wrist stopped him in his tracks. 

"Wait," said Kim Dokja. His fingers tightened around Yoo Joonghyuk's wrist. "Can we, can't you—" Stay.

He was tired of watching everything he wanted to hold onto slip through his fingers. For the first time in many years, he wanted to be enough for someone.

Kim Dokja half-expected Yoo Joonghyuk to pull away, but he didn't. Instead, Yoo Joonghyuk stood there beside him, studying his face closely like he was searching for something in him. They probably looked like fools in the surveillance camera footage, frozen in the middle of the room and staring at each other like this, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from him. 

All of a sudden, Yoo Joonghyuk turned his wrist and grabbed onto Kim Dokja's arm, pulling him in the direction of the bathroom. Once they got there, he pushed him inside and closed the door behind them with a loud bang. The sound echoed off the tiled walls and drowned out the noise of blood rushing in his ears.

There was a lump in Kim Dokja's throat that made it hard for him to speak. "...What are you doing?" he asked.

Yoo Joonghyuk took a step towards him. Kim Dokja stepped back, and his back hit the bathroom wall. 

"There are no cameras in here," said Yoo Joonghyuk. "So you don't have to lie."

"..."

He was right. There was no one else in the house right now but the two of them. They could do anything right now and no one would ever find out, no one would ever see. They were finally, truly alone.

Slowly, so he could refuse him if he wanted to, Kim Dokja reached out and placed his hand on the back of Yoo Joonghyuk's neck, drawing him closer. The bare skin underneath his fingers and the body against his were warm, and when Yoo Joonghyuk wrapped his arms around him, it felt like he was embracing the sun. He smelled like lemon-scented laundry detergent and freshly cooked rice, like finally coming home after a long time away.

He was seventeen years of painful longing and a lifetime of waiting to meet him.

Yoo Joonghyuk leaned in until their lips were almost touching, and Kim Dokja’s eyes drifted shut. In the darkness, he waited one second, two, three...but nothing happened. When he opened his eyes once more, Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him with a smirk on his face.

"Eager, are you?"

Frustration and embarrassment twisted in his stomach and rose to his cheeks in a heated flush. Kim Dokja grabbed the front of Yoo Joonghyuk's shirt and shoved him against the door, reversing their positions. "You bastard—"

His words were cut off by the soft press of Yoo Joonghyuk’s lips to his.

Everything else in the world disappeared. It was hard to think about anything at all through the warmth that engulfed him and the light he saw in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes. 

When they finally broke apart, Kim Dokja felt almost light-headed. He absently loosened his grip on his collar, and Yoo Joonghyuk caught his hand in his before it could fall to his side. Reverently, he lifted it to his mouth and pressed a kiss onto the smooth skin of Kim Dokja’s wrist, over his pulse.

"I like you too," Yoo Joonghyuk said carefully, as if he was answering a question from a long time ago. 

Kim Dokja's lips parted in a silent laugh, and he let his head fall forwards until it was resting against Yoo Joonghyuk's chest. When he closed his eyes, he could hear his heartbeat, strong and steady and real. It was also much faster than normal, just like his own racing heart.

“That was your last chance to get away,” said Kim Dokja, voice muffled. “I won’t let go of you now.”

“Then don’t.”

His vision blurred at the sound of those words, and he blinked rapidly to clear it. When he looked up again, Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him with a soft and almost vulnerable look on his face. 

All the stars in the night sky paled in comparison to the light in his dark eyes, and even the summer sun was dim compared to the sight of Yoo Joonghyuk’s small smile. Kim Dokja didn’t know it was possible for someone like him to ever feel this happy.

"There's somewhere I want to go tomorrow," he said before he could change his mind. "Can you come with me?" 

He felt Yoo Joonghyuk rest his hand on the small of his back in a wordless gesture of reassurance. "Yes."

Smiling, Kim Dokja tangled his fingers in Yoo Joonghyuk’s hair and tugged him down for another kiss.

Chapter Text

"You have a gray hair."

"Do I?" Mother ran a hand through her hair absently, her calloused fingers catching in the dull strands. "That's a shame, I thought I plucked all of them out."

Even though many, many years had passed, she still looked the same.

After the initial exchange of greetings, they lapsed into silence. 

Kim Dokja couldn't remember when exactly he stopped visiting her. He thought it might have been sometime during his first year of university, before military service and meeting Han Sooyoung, when he was exhausted from his part-time jobs and the pressure of barely staying afloat. There were so many things they couldn't say to each other back then, and the shapeless corpses of those unspoken words gradually piled up day after day, until there was an impenetrable wall between them.

But now, he realized there was a lot he wanted to tell her.

"I started seeing someone," said Kim Dokja. The words fell out of his mouth more easily than he thought.

Mother's expression didn't even change. "I suppose congratulations are in order then."

He knew he shouldn't expect anything from her, but still, there was a part of him that wanted to be acknowledged.

Kim Dokja looked down at his hands, which were resting on his lap. "Do you still remember Joonghyuk, the boy I was friends with when I was small?"

A shadow flitted across her face, a pale whisper of regret. "I remember."

"He's the person I'm seeing."

"Oh?" She didn't seem fazed by his admission. "Is he still as cute as he was before?"

For the first time since he stepped foot in the facility, Kim Dokja allowed himself to smile. "He is."

The clock on the wall kept ticking. His time was almost up. 

Mother opened her mouth and said, "Thank you for telling me."

She was 32 years old when the murder happened. He was 28 this year. In four years, would he be able to understand why she did what she did? He didn't know. He wasn't sure if he had forgiven her or not, and he wasn't even sure if there was anything to forgive.

Kim Dokja got up from his seat, his back to her so he couldn't see her face. "I'm not going to make any promises," he said, "but I think I have more things to say to you now. Goodbye."

"Dokja-yah." 

She hadn't called him that in a very long time. Kim Dokja turned around. His mother was smiling at him from behind the glass. 

"You look happier,” she said.

***

Yoo Joonghyuk was leaning against the hood of his car with his arms crossed over his chest when Kim Dokja emerged out the doors of the facility. He looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps, and made his way to the other side of the car, unlocking the door and getting in. Kim Dokja slid into the front seat beside him and shut his door, cutting off the noises of the outside world. The camera the staff had placed on the dashboard had long since been shut off. 

He glanced over at Yoo Joonghyuk. "Are you not going to ask me how the visit went?"

"Don't ask a question you know the answer to."

Kim Dokja laughed. "Fair enough," he said, tilting his head back to lean against the seat. "Honestly, you don't have to be careful around me. It's not a big deal, and I don't mind talking about it. There just isn't much to talk about usually." He reached across the space between them and took Yoo Joonghyuk's hand in his, interlacing their fingers. "She still remembers you."

"She does?" Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes widened in surprise. 

"She asked if you were still as cute as before." Kim Dokja squeezed Yoo Joonghyuk's fingers one after the other. "Hopefully, she's forgotten about how much of a brat you used to be."

Yoo Joonghyuk frowned at their joined hands. "I wasn't a brat."

"You had anger management issues as a kid."

"...I didn't."

"You once threw your textbooks in a ditch because you were mad your teacher thought your book report sucked," Kim Dokja said bluntly. "And when I confirmed that it did suck, you pushed me in."

He remembered going to bed that night and swearing to himself that he wouldn't talk to Yoo Joonghyuk until he gave him a proper apology, with a 90-degree bow and everything, but then Yoo Joonghyuk showed up to his apartment building the next day as if nothing had happened and he forgave him on the spot.

Yoo Joonghyuk was still wearing the same blank expression on his face like he had no idea what he was talking about, and Kim Dokja shook his head in mock dismay. "And here I thought I was supposed to be the one with a bad memory."

His words made Yoo Joonghyuk's brows furrow and his frown deepen as if he were reminded of something he didn't want to think about. Thinking quickly, Kim Dokja leaned over towards him and gestured at him with his free hand. 

"Come over here."

Yoo Joonghyuk obliged and closed the distance between them until their faces were so close together that he could count every one of his eyelashes. Kim Dokja closed his eyes. After a second, he opened them again to confirm that Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes were shut, before bringing his hand up to cradle his jaw and leaning in until their lips were almost brushing. Smiling at the way Yoo Joonghyuk's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, Kim Dokja shifted to the side and planted a loud smack on his cheek.

"There you go," he said, patting the area he just kissed with a condescending grin. "That was payback for last time, you arrogant sun—"

A firm hand on his nape pulled him back in, and their lips met in an open-mouthed, searing kiss that left Kim Dokja breathless. They finally broke apart after a minute, and Kim Dokja quickly swiped the back of his hand over his mouth, face flushed.

"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking,” he scolded.

Yoo Joonghyuk pressed the ignition button with a smug look and started the car. Their hands were still joined, so Yoo Joonghyuk used Kim Dokja's hand to shift the gear to reverse.

"You can't hold my hand while you drive, that's a safety hazard," said Kim Dokja, staring at him in confusion. "You're supposed to have both hands on the wheel at all times."

"You don't even own a car."

"That doesn't mean I don’t understand basic road rules."

Disgruntled, Yoo Joonghyuk let go of his hand, and Kim Dokja slowly stuck it back in his pocket, bereft. He kind of missed the reassuring sensation of his larger hand in his, but he had too much pride to bring it up again and risk inflating his ego even further. He just couldn’t win when it came to Yoo Joonghyuk.

After a while, Kim Dokja noticed that they seemed to be taking a different route back to the house and asked, "Are we stopping by a grocery store or something?"

Yoo Joonghyuk checked the side mirrors before turning on his blinkers and changing lanes. "I’m picking Mia and her friends up from summer camp,” he reported.

Of course Yoo Joonghyuk would make something as mundane as that sound like a life and death mission. "Sorry, I didn't know you were busy today. You're not late, are you?"

"No. We're on time."

Yoo Joonghyuk turned into a side street and stepped on the brakes, slowing the car down. There were three children, two girls and one boy, sitting on a bench by the road in the distance. They stood up as their car came to a halt by the side of the road and started walking over.

"Which girl's your sister?" asked Kim Dokja, peering out the window at them. He discreetly adjusted the ruffled collar of his shirt, determined to leave a good impression on her or die trying.

"Pigtails."

In retrospect, he didn't even need to ask. Yoo Mia was nearly a carbon copy of Yoo Joonghyuk, from her thick, wavy hair to her strong eyebrows and her pert nose. Even her resting bitch face was the same; it was uncanny. Kim Dokja mentally photoshopped Yoo Mia's skirt into shorts and her pigtails into nothingness...yep, that was probably what baby Yoo Joonghyuk used to look like.

"Hey, oppa," Yoo Mia greeted as she opened the car door and crawled inside, dumping her bag on the floor. "Who's that in the front seat?"

"I'm your brother's friend," Kim Dokja said before Yoo Joonghyuk could reply.

Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth turned down into a frown.

"Really?" Yoo Mia asked suspiciously, turning her head from side to side to get a good look at them both. "Interesting." She didn't sound very confident in Yoo Joonghyuk's ability to make friends.

Kim Dokja shifted in his seat and dredged up his most innocent, child-friendly smile for her. "You must be Yoo Mia, right? I heard a lot about you from your brother."

Yoo Mia's intense stare dropped from his face to his chest and lingered there. "You're male," she said accusingly.

"That's a good observation," said Kim Dokja.

Like her brother, Yoo Mia seemed equally unimpressed by his retorts. "Are you making fun of me?"

"No?"

"Good afternoon, Joonghyuk-oppa," one of Yoo Mia's friends said as she slid into the seat beside her. She tilted her head curiously at the sight of Kim Dokja. "Good afternoon to you too, stranger."

"Hello."

She offered him her hand, and Kim Dokja awkwardly shook it. Since when were ten-year-olds so formal?

"Good afternoon," Yoo Mia's other friend parroted as he sat down on her other side. He pulled the car door shut with a bang, and Yoo Joonghyuk started the car and merged back onto the road.

"So what are your names?" Kim Dokja asked pleasantly, turning around in his seat to face the children.

"I'm Lee Gilyoung!" "Shin Yoosung."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Kim Dokja. You guys can call me Dokja-oppa or Dokja-hyung if you want."

"Nice to meet you too, ahjussi," said Shin Yoosung.

Kim Dokja sighed. "Or I guess you can call me ahjussi."

Yoo Mia, who was sitting in the middle of the back row, poked her head between the front seats to stare up at his face like a baby bird poking its head out of its egg. Kim Dokja stared back at her, amused.

"Where did you meet my brother?" she demanded. "Are you also a pro gamer?"

"I met him on the show we're both participating in right now, but we're actually old friends."

"Oppa." Yoo Mia turned her head and aimed a disappointed look at Yoo Joonghyuk. "If you have time to bring a guy with you, why didn't you bring the unnie with the 'nice smile' too? You're on the show to find love, not make friends." 

She's referring to Lee Seolhwa, Kim Dokja realized. Yoo Joonghyuk probably told his sister about her before, when the two of them hadn't figured out their feelings for each other yet. It made sense for Yoo Mia to be disappointed since he wasn't exactly an ideal—

"This is the person with the nice smile I told you about." Kim Dokja's lips parted in surprise at Yoo Joonghyuk's words. "We're dating."

Kim Dokja stared at the side of Yoo Joonghyuk's face in disbelief, his heart racing in his chest.

"Did you guys just come out, Joonghyuk-oppa?" Shin Yoosung piped up. "Congratulations! I think that's very brave of you."

Lee Gilyoung started clapping but stopped when Shin Yoosung reached behind Yoo Mia's back and pinched his leg. He pinched her arm back, and the two of them devolved into full-out scuffling until Kim Dokja physically separated them. 

Yoo Mia initially seemed shocked by the admission, but her stunned look soon morphed into a small pout. However, it wasn't the 'dating a man' part of their relationship she had issues with. "He's not pretty enough for you, oppa," she complained.

Kim Dokja finally found his voice. "Your brother is pretty enough on his own."

"Kim Dokja."

It was hard to keep the grin off his face. "It's a compliment, relax."

"Didn't you say you would date someone who's at least as pretty as Min Jiwon or Yu Hoseung?" whined Yoo Mia, pawing at his car seat in rage.

"I never said such a thing.”

"Whatever, I guess personality matters more than looks." Yoo Mia heaved out a dramatic sigh. "As long as you're happy with him, oppa."

"I am," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja dropped his chin onto his palm and stared out the car window, trying to force the corners of his mouth back down so he wouldn’t scare the children with the force of his grin. Did this count as receiving Yoo Mia's blessing? Either way, he was glad their relationship didn't cause a rift between the siblings. She was the only family Yoo Joonghyuk had left now, and he could tell she meant a lot to him. 

As he listened to the sound of the children talking happily in the backseat, the small ball of tension in Kim Dokja's chest leftover from this morning unfurled. Yoo Joonghyuk turned on the radio at some point, and there was calming acoustic music playing faintly in the background. 

"Who are we dropping off first?" asked Kim Dokja, lifting his head off the glass to glance at Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Gilyoung. Mia's staying at Yoosung's house."

"I see."

Lee Gilyoung was listening to the girls chatting about Shin Yoosung's dog with a longing look on his face. It was obvious in the way his mouth kept opening and shutting as he struggled to think of something to interject that he wasn’t as close to Yoo Mia as Shin Yoosung was.

"Gilyoung," said Kim Dokja, "what do you like to do for fun in your free time?"

Lee Gilyoung perked up at the sound of his name being called. "I collect bugs," he announced, puffing out his chest. Beside him, Shin Yoosung wrinkled her nose.

"What type of bugs?" Kim Dokja asked encouragingly.

"I really like grasshoppers, I like how high they can jump. Beetles are cool too, especially rhinoceros beetles."

"You mean the ones with the big horns on their heads?"

"Yeah!" Lee Gilyoung seemed to think of something, and his smile slid off his face. "I used to have a pet cockroach too, but then my aunt killed it."

"Maybe she killed it by accident," said Shin Yoosung, but even she sounded unsure. "Did you tell her it was your pet?"

"Obviously," snapped Lee Gilyoung. "I'm not dumb like you are."

Shin Yoosung rolled her eyes at him.

There was something about the tone of Lee Gilyoung's voice that reminded Kim Dokja of his childhood, and his heart clenched in his chest. His gaze roamed over the rips in Lee Gilyoung's shorts, his shirt that was a little too small, the scruffy exterior of his backpack, and the small bandaid on his knee that was barely big enough to cover up the cut there. 

"You should get her back for that," Yoo Mia was saying. "Find another cockroach and put it in her bed when she's sleeping."

"Mosquitoes are okay too, but one mosquito is too weak. You should catch a whole bucket of mosquitoes and lock her in a room with them." Shin Yoosung sounded a little too excited about this revenge mission than what was probably normal for a kid her age. "Or something poisonous. I heard black widow spiders—"

Kim Dokja interrupted their conversation before things could take a darker turn. "Did you guys know the average person eats eight spiders in their sleep every year?"

Yoo Mia scrunched up her face in confusion. "That's a myth."

Was it? "Well," Kim Dokja mused, "if you put eight spiders in your brother's mouth the next time you catch him sleeping, then it won't be a myth anymore."

Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung laughed. Yoo Mia just stared at him, looking offended he dared to even suggest doing such a thing to her beloved brother. She reminded him a little of Lee Jihye, who also eagerly defended her master’s honour at every opportunity.

"If only the bastard in the driver's seat found me this funny," Kim Dokja said wistfully as he listened to their childish giggles.

Said bastard didn't even deign his bad joke worthy of a response.

"Ugh, it's so hot out," Yoo Mia changed the subject. "Yoosung, do you still have popsicles at home?"

"I think my father ate the last one yesterday."

Yoo Mia leaned forward and dropped her chin onto the shoulder of Yoo Joonghyuk's seat. "Oppa," she said, head bouncing up and down with each syllable. "Can we stop by a convenience store and get popsicles after you drop Gilyoung off?"

Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at the rearview mirror. "Are you coming, Gilyoung?"

Lee Gilyoung had gone quiet while Yoo Mia was talking. He was currently staring out the window with his lips pressed tightly together, his hands absently picking at the seam of his shorts. "It's okay, hyung. I should probably go home."

Back in elementary school, Kim Dokja didn't have much pocket money and didn't want to draw attention to the fact that his family was poor, so he used to pretend he needed to go home and then spend the rest of the afternoon in the park alone. Because he understood what it was like to feel disconnected from other people his age, he didn't want to see the same thing happen again before his eyes.

"Actually, Gilyoung," said Kim Dokja, "I'll treat you to ice cream since you laughed at my joke earlier. Only if you're not in a hurry to get home, of course. You don't have to come if you don't want to."

Lee Gilyoung's eyes lit up, and his face broke into a toothy grin. "Really? Is that okay?"

"You can have your pick of the ones in the store," he assured him.

"Okay!"

"I laughed at your joke too, ahjussi," Shin Yoosung protested, poking Kim Dokja's shoulder to get his attention. "Also, Lee Gilyoung's laughs were fake unlike mine that were completely sincere."

Lee Gilyoung scowled at her. "Shut up! No one asked your opinion."

"You shut up, you bug."

"Loser."

"Worm."

"Moron."

"You have to treat me too because I'm your sister-in-law," Yoo Mia insisted fiercely. "Otherwise I won't approve of this marriage."

Kim Dokja laughed. "Sure, I'll treat all three of you." He nudged Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder. "Are you going to place an order too, brat?"

"Oppa likes those cheap lemon popsicles for little kids that are basically sugar water," Yoo Mia answered on his behalf. She sounded like she was giving a tutorial to a very young, very dumb student. "You should buy one of those for him so he'll like you even more."

"Really? I didn't know you were secretly a child at heart, Yoo Joonghyuk," Kim Dokja teased.

Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes at him but didn't say anything. 

They pulled into the parking lot of the next convenience store they saw and made their way inside. The blast of cold air inside the store was much welcomed after the sweltering heat outside, and everyone sighed in relief. The children immediately closed in on the cooler containing the popsicles like bloodhounds on a scent trail, chattering loudly about which one they wanted to get. Or rather, which one they wanted Kim Dokja to buy for them. 

"I want an ice cream cone," Yoo Mia announced, looking over at Kim Dokja. "That's okay, right? You're not going to be stingy about this?"

She had the same bright eyes as Yoo Joonghyuk, and it was hard to say no when they were looking at him like that. "You'd have to try a lot harder to bankrupt me," said Kim Dokja, smiling.

He had enough money in his pocket now to buy any popsicle in the store. In fact, he could buy the whole cooler and the convenience store if he wanted to. What had seemed so far away when he was young was now firmly within his grasp. 

Kim Dokja ended up buying everyone (including Yoo Joonghyuk) popsicles or ice cream, and they sat down at a conveniently placed picnic table under a nearby tree to eat them because Yoo Joonghyuk was paranoid about people making a mess in his car. It was a well-founded concern since the popsicles were melting at a pretty alarming rate in this weather. Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung were tussling on the grass in the distance while Yoo Mia cheered them on. Their wrestling didn't seem overly violent, so they let them be while keeping an eye on them.

Directing his attention back to his popsicle, Kim Dokja peeled it out of its packaging carefully. He swirled his tongue around the tip of the popsicle before taking it into his mouth and sucking lightly on it. The cold ice cream tasted heavenly in this heat, and he swallowed it down, throat bobbing. Kim Dokja noticed Yoo Joonghyuk staring at him with a peculiar expression on his face and raised his eyebrows at him in a questioning look.

Yoo Joonghyuk averted his gaze. "Don't eat so messily," he said in a rough voice.

Kim Dokja removed the popsicle from his mouth with a pop. "I'm trying to minimize food waste." He traced a molten droplet of ice cream down the length of the popsicle with his tongue. "Are you not going to eat yours? It's dripping."

Yoo Joonghyuk bit into his frozen popsicle with a loud, spine-chilling crunch and chewed apathetically. It was the least erotic thing he had ever seen, and he felt a phantom pain in his nether regions just watching him.

"You'll break your teeth like that," said Kim Dokja, finishing off his popsicle and tossing the wooden stick into the trash.

"I won't."

"Don't worry, even if all your teeth do fall out, I'm sure you'd still be handsome."

"Ahem," said a high-pitched voice. Yoo Mia was standing behind them with her hands on her hips and an unimpressed frown on her face. "Don't flirt in public, there are children here." Straightening up, she added in a meaningful voice, "But you know, if hypothetically the children were busy in the store, then you could do whatever you wanted to..."

Yoo Joonghyuk smoothly opened his wallet and pulled out a 10,000 won bill. He handed it to her tucked between two fingers. "Go buy your friends some snacks."

"You're the best, oppa." Yoo Mia happily took the bill and left. 

"Do you do that a lot?" Kim Dokja asked curiously.

"Do what?"

"Bribe your sister."

A few metres away, Yoo Mia linked arms with Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung and cheerfully dragged them back into the convenience store.

"We have a mutual understanding," said Yoo Joonghyuk, inclining his head in their direction.

"Do you frequently bring women home or something?"

His words were met with a furious glare from Yoo Joonghyuk. "I've never brought anyone home," he growled.

Kim Dokja was about to make a joke about all the Virgin YJH speculations coming true when a brilliant idea occurred to him. "Was our kiss yesterday your first kiss?"

"..." Yoo Joonghyuk looked away.

Like how a shark could smell blood in the water, Kim Dokja could tell when Yoo Joonghyuk was embarrassed. His smile widened. "Was it? You can be honest." 

"Was it yours?" Yoo Joonghyuk shot back instead of answering the question. 

"No. I lost my first kiss to some random guy in a pocky game in freshman year of university," said Kim Dokja, shaking his head sadly as he remembered how horrified he had been back then. "I think he threw up on me afterwards, he was terribly drunk. People in my department called him Vomit Boy and me Vomit Boyfriend for a few weeks following orientation."

Yoo Joonghyuk was silent. Kim Dokja had the distinct impression that he seemed vaguely displeased by the newfound information.

"That doesn't count," he said after a pause.

"What?"

There was a determined glint in Yoo Joonghyuk's steely eyes. "I said it doesn't count."

Kim Dokja didn't care for that memory anyway. "Sure." He shrugged. "Then I guess you are my first kiss."

Yoo Joonghyuk straightened his shoulders and leaned back in his seat. His look of satisfaction quickly transformed into dismay when he noticed Yoo Mia carrying cans of soda and a large bag of Cheetos in her arms. Kim Dokja could already foresee the mess it would make in the car; he pictured Yoo Joonghyuk angrily cleaning orange cheese dust off his leather seats in his head and smiled to himself.

***

Jung Heewon walked into the kitchen and paused when her gaze landed on the people at the dining table. "Why are you guys sitting so far away from each other?"

Kim Dokja, who was sitting at the opposite end of the table as Yoo Joonghyuk and chatting with Lee Hyunsung, startled at the sound of her voice. “You mean Yoo Joonghyuk and I?" he asked, feigning ignorance. "What's wrong with us sitting like this? It's not as though we have assigned seats."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even look up from his phone.

"Yeah, but you two are usually attached at the hip," Jung Heewon replied, unconvinced. She had lived with him long enough to be able to detect when he was bullshitting, which was distressingly often. "Did you guys get into a fight?"

Out of a mutual agreement, he and Yoo Joonghyuk decided that it was better to keep their relationship on the down-low in front of the cameras. Yoo Joonghyuk was a public figure after all, and Kim Dokja wasn’t interested in getting scrutinized by his legions of fans.

"Can't I sit beside my good friend Hyunsung-ssi during dinner for once?" argued Kim Dokja. "Not everything in this world has to revolve around Yoo Joonghyuk. Your conspiracy theories are getting out of hand."

Lee Hyunsung's large eyes brimmed with emotion. "Dokja-ssi..."

Immune to the touching display of bromantic affection in front of her, Jung Heewon walked up to Kim Dokja and kicked his chair. The aftershocks of the attack nearly jostled him out of his seat. "I really don't care about what you and Yoo Joonghyuk are up to, but you're in my seat," she declared. "Get up."

There was no point continuing an argument he couldn't win, so Kim Dokja stood up with a sigh. Lee Hyunsung gave him a sympathetic smile, but even he seemed happier with the new seating arrangement.

"And take your cup with you," Jung Heewon added, sliding into the open chair with a look of triumph.

"I know, I'm getting to it."

Yoo Joonghyuk smirked at Kim Dokja's flustered reaction and had to disguise it with his glass of water so the cameras wouldn't see.

The others were gradually filing into the kitchen now, which meant the only seats left at the table were beside Kim Namwoon and Yoo Joonghyuk respectively. Naturally, Kim Dokja chose the lesser of the two evils and reclaimed his usual spot beside Yoo Joonghyuk.

Aside from the mini-battle over Lee Hyunsung, dinner that night was more subdued than usual, with everyone trying not to bring up the existence of an empty seat at the table. Lee Seolhwa was an adult who had made a reasonable choice given her situation, and the least they could do was respect it. 

Jang Hayoung was the first one to break the silence. "Where'd you guys go today? You were gone for a long time.” She was staring directly at Kim Dokja as she posed the question.

Luckily, he had a cover story prepared. "Yoo Joonghyuk was suffering from—"

"We went to the park," interrupted Yoo Joonghyuk. He then went back to eating his Dokkaebi Steamed Cake as if he hadn't spoken at all.

"Why'd you go to the park?" asked Kim Namwoon, pushing his leftover rice in his bowl around in boredom. "There's nothing to do there if you're not on a date."

There was a moment of silence at the table. 

Kim Dokja squeezed Yoo Joonghyuk's thigh under the table in warning, trying not to let the feeling of taut muscle underneath his palm distract him from his annoyance. Idiot. I had it covered.

Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his hand and pried it off his thigh. Instead of smacking it away, he pinned it with his own and squeezed. 

Let go, that's my dominant hand. Kim Dokja caught Yoo Joonghyuk's eye and raised his eyebrows, trying to wordlessly communicate his disappointment to him. How the hell am I supposed to eat like this?

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at him. No.

"I heard an interesting story at work today," said Yoo Sangah, drawing everyone's attention back to her. "My coworker went on a business trip recently, and..."

As Yoo Sangah launched into a comedic retelling of her coworker's story, Kim Dokja curled his index finger and lightly scratched Yoo Joonghyuk's palm, but the man's grip only tightened. He really was one of the most stubborn people he had ever met. With a sigh, Kim Dokja lifted his spoon with his left hand and continued eating.

They played a few rounds of cards after dinner, and Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Sangah decimated everyone at poker. Since Lee Hyunsung and Kim Namwoon were both antsy about the confessions tomorrow and couldn't concentrate enough to play, they decided to call it an early night and retire.

"See you in the morning," said Yoo Sangah, waving at them from the doorway of the girls' bedroom. 

"Good night, Sangah-ssi."

Yoo Joonghyuk had already showered earlier, so Kim Dokja grabbed his change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. After showering and brushing his teeth, he unlocked the door and headed back out. Yoo Joonghyuk was lying on his back in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. There was a vaguely philosophical air about him. As Kim Dokja dropped his folded clothes into a chair, his wandering gaze fell on the disembodied cameras lying on the table and he did a double-take.

"Did you wrench the cameras off the wall? I hope you know how to return them to their original positions, because your life may be at risk if Han Sooyoung finds out."

"Filming ends tomorrow, they have to remove the cameras eventually," said Yoo Joonghyuk. He noticed Kim Dokja walking towards the door with his laptop tucked under his arm and frowned. "Where are you going?"

"I have some work to finish up, so I'm going to go sit in the lounge."

Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his lips tightly together. It was the closest his face would ever get to a pout, which was not very close at all. "You can work here."

"I thought you said you wanted to go to bed early tonight. Won't the light bother you?"

"It won’t."

"Fine, I'll stay here then."

Kim Dokja turned around and sat down on the edge of his bed, toeing off his slippers onto the ground. When he looked up, Yoo Joonghyuk had rolled over onto his side and was staring at him.

"What now?" Kim Dokja asked exasperatedly. 

"Come here."

"What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself." Yoo Joonghyuk shifted back in his position on the bed, leaving a space open beside him. The implication was obvious.

Some distant part of Kim Dokja's brain noted how surreal it was that Yoo Joonghyuk was asking him to cuddle, but it was drowned out by the rush of blood to his head and lower regions. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Kim Dokja bridged the distance between them and sat down beside Yoo Joonghyuk on his bed, tucking his legs under the covers.

"Are you sure you don't mind the typing noise?" he asked just in case.

"No."

Yoo Joonghyuk closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, burying his face in his puffy pillow. His wavy hair was a little mussed, the ends of it were sticking up in tufts on the white pillowcase. Kim Dokja wanted to run his hand through it, but he—wait. As his boyfriend, he was allowed to do that now, wasn't he? Kim Dokja reached out and combed his fingers through Yoo Joonghyuk's hair, pinky brushing up against the shell of his ear. His hair was much softer than it seemed, kind of like Yoo Joonghyuk himself.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't stir, so just for fun, Kim Dokja brushed his bangs into a middle part to see how it was like. Huh, not bad. He supposed that once you got to a certain level of attractiveness, external elements like your hairstyle or your clothing choice stopped mattering.

"What are you doing?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk, lazily opening one eye.

Kim Dokja returned his bangs to their normal position and patted his head for good measure. "I was giving you an upgrade."

Yoo Joonghyuk furrowed his brows in confusion but didn't argue about it, letting his eyes drift closed once more.

When it came to things involving Yoo Joonghyuk, Kim Dokja never quit while he was ahead. Instead of keeping his hands to himself, he trailed his fingers along the lines of Yoo Joonghyuk's face, tracing the outline of his jaw and his eyebrows, before lightly pinching the bridge of his nose.

A hand clamped down on his wrist, lifting it out of the way. Yoo Joonghyuk had opened his eyes again and was now staring at him indignantly.

"I'm trying to figure out if you've ever gotten plastic surgery," Kim Dokja said with a straight face. "So far the results have been inconclusive."

There was an exasperated edge to Yoo Joonghyuk's voice. "You should know I haven't." 

"How? I'm not a plastic surgeon."

"Because you were there," Yoo Joonghyuk replied. "I looked the same when I was young."

Kim Dokja made a noise of acknowledgement. "To be honest, I don't remember what you looked like as a child anymore."

Yoo Joonghyuk was quiet.

"It's not that you weren't important, because you were," he continued. "But a lot of things happened after you left, and I was unhappy for a long time. I needed someone to blame, so I blamed you even though none of it was your fault. Yet the more I hated you, the more you kept showing up." 

Yoo Joonghyuk reached for him, and Kim Dokja took his hand with a smile. "You wouldn't leave me alone no matter how hard I tried to forget you. And then I had an accident and got a concussion, and even when I actively tried to remember you after that, some details wouldn't show up." Their fingers slotted together perfectly. "I still remember all the bratty things you did as a kid though, and that's what truly matters."

The deeply hidden pain in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes was back. He clenched his jaw and glared at some point behind Kim Dokja's shoulder, eyes unfocused.

Kim Dokja reached out and smoothed his thumb over the crease between his eyebrows. "None of it was your fault," he repeated. "We were both children."

Yoo Joonghyuk let out a frustrated exhale and didn't reply.

"Come on, smile." Kim Dokja pushed the corners of Yoo Joonghyuk's lips up with his fingers and successfully directed his attention back to him. "You're wasting your good looks frowning like that."

Yoo Joonghyuk tried to duck out of his reach, but Kim Dokja was persistent and unafraid of death. There was still something he feared, however, and he knew that the earlier he put those irrational worries to rest, the better.

"By the way, I never asked. Are you staying with me out of pity?" Kim Dokja made sure to keep his voice nonchalant. "If you're doing this out of guilt or a sense of obligation, you can tell me honestly," It was hard to get the words out, "and we can stop."

Yoo Joonghyuk sat up abruptly, and his head nearly smashed into Kim Dokja's chin. "I'm not," he said curtly.

"Alright then."

"Kim Dokja." Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his chin and tilted his face towards him, forcing him to meet his eyes. "Do you trust me?"

He didn't even need to ask; the answer hadn't changed in 17 years.

"I do," said Kim Dokja.

"Then go to sleep and stop overthinking things," ordered Yoo Joonghyuk, lying back down. "If you still have doubts, we can talk about this tomorrow."

Something sweet melted in the heat of the emotions swelling in his chest. Kim Dokja took a deep breath in and exhaled, making sure his voice wouldn't waver when he spoke again. "Sure. I have to finish what I'm working on first though."

Yoo Joonghyuk grumbled something under his breath and rolled over.

Still smiling, Kim Dokja turned back to the document open on his laptop. He was currently finalizing the outline for the ending of his novel and was specifically working on the part where the main character's companion turned to dust in his arms and died. However, he didn't have any inspiration for the scene anymore, and the words in his mind dragged their feet instead of flowing naturally onto the screen.

He tried to conjure up the emotions the main character would be feeling during that scene—grief, anger, regret, indescribable pain—and found that he couldn't imagine it at all. It seemed pointless and just plain depressing for the main character to come this far and still end up with nothing. The words he wrote came out lifeless and contrived compared to how he used to be able to write about his characters' suffering with ease, and Kim Dokja almost laughed out loud at how ridiculous this situation was. He was too happy to write tragedy.

Yoo Joonghyuk had single-handedly kickstarted Kim Dokja's writing career, and now he was also the biggest obstacle in his quest to becoming the writer with the highest body count on the platform. I guess there's no harm in giving them a happy ending this time, he thought and got back to work.

The next hour passed in a flurry of edits and rewrites, and he ended up with an outline he was much more pleased about. Kim Dokja closed his laptop lid and moved to get off Yoo Joonghyuk's bed. A hand closed around his wrist before he could go.

"Stay."

"I have to put away my laptop first," Kim Dokja reminded him, voice softening at the way the golden lamplight was reflected in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes.

He set his laptop down on his desk and then made his way back to Yoo Joonghyuk's bed, where he lay down under the covers next to him and turned off the lamp. In the darkness, Yoo Joonghyuk's hand found his, and they fell asleep together to the quiet sounds of their breaths in the still air. 

Chapter Text

[Commercial Break]

Yoo Sangah and Han Sooyoung are sitting at a glass table in what looks like a garden, laughing and chatting with each other. Suddenly, Yoo Sangah's smile slips off her face as her gaze catches on something in the distance.

"What's wrong?" Han Sooyoung asks in a worried voice.

The camera follows the direction of Yoo Sangah's gaze and zooms in, revealing Yoo Joonghyuk, dressed in all black, walking by with his back to the camera. He's clearly not aware that he's being filmed, otherwise he'd probably have some choice words for them. The scene cuts back to a close-up of Yoo Sangah's morose expression.

"I love him," she sighs, staring longingly at Yoo Joonghyuk's retreating back. "But I don't know how to approach him..."

A hand lands on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I've got you." Han Sooyoung hands Yoo Sangah a Dokkaebi Steamed Cake (TM) with a grin. "Why don't you go offer him a delicious matcha-flavoured Dokkaebi Steamed Cake, made from real eggs? I'm sure he's craving one after a long day at work."

Yoo Sangah takes the cake from her hand and beams at her. "You're right, I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier! Thank you!"

"Go meet your love, Sangah-ssi!" yells Han Sooyoung, punching the air.

Yoo Sangah clenches the Dokkaebi Steamed Cake in her fist, a determined fire burning in her sparkling eyes. "I will!" She gets up and runs after Yoo Joonghyuk, her long skirt billowing elegantly behind her. "Joonghyuk-ssi!" she calls out joyfully.

Yoo Joonghyuk turns around. The scene fades to black.

YOO SANGAH VOICEOVER: ⸢Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes: Meet Your Love. Now available in both Original and Matcha flavours.⸥

[End Commercial Break]

[Constellation Observatory]

[Bihyung]: Welcome back to Star Stream Heart Signal, sponsored by Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes and Air Eden! Today's the last episode of the show, and we'll be seeing our incarnations, whom we've spent the past 10 weeks observing, finally confessing to each other!

[Yi Sunsin]: The first episode feels like it happened a lifetime ago.

[Uriel]: Yes!

[Bihyung]: I remember thinking in the first few episodes that Yoo Joonghyuk was pretty unapproachable, but he's really warmed up to everyone, hasn't he?

[Yi Sunsin]: I'm glad that he and Kim Dokja became such good friends over the course of the show despite their tensions in the beginning. It's also kind of Yoo Joonghyuk to act as a mentor to Kim Namwoon who looks up to him.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'd be an even better mentor than YJH.

[Sun Wukong]: You're like 15.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'm 15 AT HEART! There's a difference!

[Bihyung]: I'm sure a lot of people were sad to see Lee Seolhwa leave the show last episode, but I'm sure that as a doctor, she must be very busy with work. I'm amazed she even found the time to join the show in the first place.

[Yi Sunsin]: I'm disappointed we never got a chance to see if she and Yoo Joonghyuk would ever patch up their relationship. Perhaps they'll stay in touch after the show ends? 

[Bihyung]: They might even take things one step further offscreen, who knows? I don't think their story ends here. Maybe Han PD can keep us updated?

[Uriel]: ...

[Sun Wukong]: So how many confessions do you think we'll see today?

[Uriel]: We're definitely going to see Heewon and Lee Hyunsung's, but other than that I'm not sure.

[Bihyung]: Yes, their relationship has been very stable over the past few episodes and it's pretty much a given at this point. I wonder how Lee Hyunsung will manage to pull a confession off, though? He's not exactly the most eloquent man.

[Uriel]: You have to believe in the power of love!

[Sun Wukong]: Doesn't he already have a speech prepared? We saw him show it to Kim Dokja in Episode 8. 

[Bihyung]: Right, I remember now.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I'm bored.

[Yi Sunsin]: By the way, I'm curious, is it possible for Kim Namwoon to confess to a staff member?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: !

[Bihyung]: Well...why don't we find out? 

[ EPISODE 10: THE RHYTHM OF OUR HEARTBEATS ]

The camera cut to a panoramic shot of the mansion the incarnations stayed in this month. 

[ Day of the Confession ]

[Yi Sunsin]: They've really come a long way.

Yoo Joonghyuk was standing in front of the stove in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for everyone on Saturday morning. Kim Dokja was standing beside him with a knife in hand. He was chopping green onions with a look of concentration.

Clad in a casual t-shirt and shorts, Lee Hyunsung appeared in the kitchen. "Good morning," he greeted. "Do you need any help with breakfast?"

Kim Dokja matched his friendly smile. "It's fine, we're almost done here." He passed his cutting board to Yoo Joonghyuk, who wordlessly scraped the diced green onions into his pan.

"Ah, alright."

Jung Heewon walked into the shot, yawning, and collapsed into the chair beside Lee Hyunsung. "How are you doing today?" she asked him.

"Good," said Lee Hyunsung. The camera zoomed in on his hands, which were clasped together nervously under the table. "Did you not sleep well last night? You have dark eye circles."

[ Nervous ]

Jung Heewon shrugged. "I was thinking about some stuff."

"I see."

Footsteps echoed down the stairs, and Jang Hayoung appeared in the shot, looking cheerful. After sliding into a chair and exchanging greetings with the others, she leaned forward on her elbows and inspected the dishes on the table. "Ooh, are we having a traditional breakfast?"

Kim Dokja set down the last two bowls of rice on the table, dusting off his hands. "The chef wanted to switch things up."

[ The day opens with a homely atmosphere. ]

Jang Hayoung looked up at him, then leaned back in her chair to look at Yoo Joonghyuk. "Hey, you two match again."

Kim Dokja was wearing his black button-down today, the one that made him look like a broke college student who thrived on garbage instant noodles and cheap store-bought kimbap. In an uncharacteristic move, Yoo Joonghyuk was wearing a white shirt.

"I guess we do," said Kim Dokja, sounding unconcerned. "What a coincidence."

The camera cut between Lee Hyunsung's worried face, Jung Heewon's yawn, Kim Dokja's smile, Jang Hayoung's curious eyes, and Yoo Joonghyuk's resting bitch face as romantic acoustic music played in the background.

[ It seems like the incarnations have a lot of things on their minds. ]

[ What will happen to them? How will this month-long journey end? ]

[Bihyung]: How WILL this month-long journey end? Any thoughts?

[Uriel]: Lee Hyunsung will confess to Jung Heewon, and Kim Namwoon will confess to the staff member. 

[Bihyung]: Does anyone have a different opinion? No?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Are you SURE he's into her? 

[Uriel]: You were the one avidly watching Kim Namwoon these past few weeks, why don't you tell us?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Hmph!

[Yi Sunsin]: I'm quite surprised everyone managed to hold in their confessions for so long.

[Bihyung]: I mean, it is written in the rules. They're not allowed to confess or give any indication of how exactly they feel until the last day.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Which is dumb.

[Uriel]: It is a little dumb.

[Bihyung]: I think we're all in agreement about the Heart Signal Lines again, which means we'll all receive 1 Dokkaebi Steamed Cake if we guess correctly. The constellation with the most Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes by the end of the episode will receive a special prize!

[Sun Wukong]: Let me guess, is the prize cake-related?

[Bihyung]: Ahahaha. Anyway, before the incarnations confess, they will each get 10 minutes of private time that they can spend with anyone they want. This is an opportunity for them to get a sense of what other people feel about them, which should help any wavering hearts settle.

[Uriel]: No one's heart is wavering.

[Sun Wukong]: Kim Namwoon's might be. Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon's relationship seems mutual, but the outcome of his confession is up for debate.

[Uriel]: Oh! You're right. I forgot about him.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Take that back!

[Bihyung]: Why don't we start with Kim Namwoon then? Let's take a look at who he's spending his 10 minutes with.

Kim Namwoon was discussing something quietly with the young and strapping director, his back to the cameras.

[ Who is Kim Namwoon looking for? ]

The esteemed and talented director nodded and left the room. Kim Namwoon turned around and sat down on a chair, bouncing his leg anxiously as he waited for her to get back.

[ It seems like Kim Namwoon wants to take this opportunity to speak to one of the staff members. ]

Suddenly, Kim Namwoon looked up in the direction of the entranceway, and his face visibly brightened. His eyes followed Lee Jihye as she walked across the floor and sat down on the beanbag chair next to him, her long ponytail swinging behind her. As usual, her face was blurred for her privacy.

"What's up?" she asked airily. 

"Nothing much," he replied. "I just wanted to ask you something."

"What?" 

"Which university do you want to go to?" blurted Kim Namwoon.

Lee Jihye made a noncommittal noise. "Not sure yet."

"What about my university? Is that one of your choices?"

"I guess."

Kim Namwoon seemed relieved by her response.  "Okay. Great. By the way, can I add you on KakaoTalk?" He was obviously trying to be smooth, but it came off more as desperate.

"Only if you promise not to send me anything sketchy."

"I won't! I swear!"

Lee Jihye studied his face closely for a minute, then nodded. "Fine." She took his phone from his hand and entered her contact information into it.

Kim Namwoon could barely hide his eagerness. "If you ever want to hear about the CSAT or my university, you can message me."

"Why would I want to talk about the CSAT?" Lee Jihye's voice sounded confused. "And don't you have other people you need to talk to right now, Kim Namwoon?"

Kim Namwoon scowled to hide his disappointment. "Why do you never call me oppa?"

"Would you rather I call you ahjussi?" she shot back. "Anyway, see you later." She got up in one fluid motion and made to leave the room.

"Wait!" After a brief pause, Kim Namwoon leapt to his feet, his chair scraping against the ground with a loud screech. "Lee Jihye!" he yelled. "Go on a date with me!"

Lee Jihye whirled around. After a long period of silence, she said, "No. I'm busy with other stuff right now."

Kim Namwoon wilted at her rejection, but he perked up when he thought of something else. "If I ask you again after I get back from military service, would you say yes?"

"How am I supposed to know what's going to happen in the future?" she huffed.

"That's not a no," said Kim Namwoon, grinning from ear to ear. His nape was damp with nervous sweat, and he ran his hand through his frazzled white hair, shaking it out of his eyes. "Uh...can I get a hug then, if that's okay with you?"

"Nope." The tips of Lee Jihye's ears were pink. "But you can have a high-five." She grabbed his hand in hers and slapped it with all her might, making Kim Namwoon yowl in pain.

[Uriel]: Aww, is your lower lip trembling?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: It's not!

[Sun Wukong]: Wow, he actually confessed. I thought he was going to chicken out at the last minute there.

[Uriel]: I didn't expect to feel proud but I sort of am.

[Yi Sunsin]: Lee J*hye has a sensible head on her shoulders. 

[Bihyung]: Due to the special circumstances here, Kim Namwoon made his confession before the designated confession time tonight. But still, I think that counts as a correct guess from us.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: But Jang Hayoung...

[Sun Wukong]: It was never going to happen. But look on the bright side, at least your favourite incarnation didn't get outright rejected?

[Uriel]: He did get outright rejected, but there was some leeway to the rejection.

[Yi Sunsin]: Only time will be able to tell how things turn out for them.

[Bihyung]: Why don't we see how the other couple is faring?

[Uriel]: Yes! I want to see how Heewon is doing!

Lee Hyunsung was sitting in the upstairs lounge, fidgeting with a spare Dokkaebi Steamed Cake in his hands. He was using it as a stress ball. Looking up at the sound of approaching footsteps, Lee Hyunsung quickly set the cake back onto the coffee table and straightened up.

"Hello, Hyunsung-ssi," said Jung Heewon, sinking into the sofa beside him.

"Hello." Lee Hyunsung's face was flushed. "I was hoping you would come."

"Is that so?" Jung Heewon sounded pleased. "Did you have something you wanted to say to me?"

Lee Hyunsung looked down at the lonely Dokkaebi Steamed Cake lying on the coffee table. "Is it alright if I ask what you think about me first?"

"Hmm." She leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're a good person."

[Sun Wukong]: Oof, that sounds like a rejection.

Lee Hyunsung's head drooped even lower. "I see."

"That's not a bad thing, you know," said Jung Heewon, having noticed his frown. "Most of the men I meet in everyday life aren't good people, and some of my exes have been downright awful. You're the most honest man I've ever met."

The glimmer of hope returned to Lee Hyunsung's eyes. "Can I say something, Heewon-ssi?"

"Go ahead."

"I wanted to tell you...I really enjoyed the time we spent with each other," he said earnestly. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to help out much with dinner this month, and thank you for putting up with my mistakes."

"I—"

"I know I'm quite slow to understand things sometimes." Lee Hyunsung smiled down at his hands. "So thank you. For not giving up on me."

Jung Heewon covered his hand with hers. "There's no way I would have."

[Uriel]: That wasn't a rejection! If anything, that was confirmation? I'm so happy for Heewon!

[Bihyung]: It seems like the two of them have nothing to worry about. 

[Yi Sunsin]: They are the most stable couple on the show, after all. Lee Hyunsung should have more confidence now.

[Uriel]: Now I'm curious what he's going to do for the confession...oh wait, there's more?

Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk were sitting on the garden swing outside, their heads bowed in quiet conversation and legs pressed up against each other. They stopped talking as soon as they noticed the cameraman approaching.

"Hello." Kim Dokja flashed them a polite smile. "Did you need something?"

The camera bobbed from side to side like it was shaking its head.

[ No. ]

"Then why are you still here?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked coldly.

[ Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja seem busy spending their 10 minutes of private time with each other! We shouldn't bother these two good friends. ]

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: What a waste of time, they should be talking to the girls instead.

[Uriel]: My heart feels so full right now.

Instead of having a heart-to-heart, Yoo Sangah and Jang Hayoung were watching a foreign movie together in the girls' bedroom. 

Jang Hayoung's face was stuck in a look of both confusion and shock as she stared at the screen. "Wait, the trees are killing people? Are you kidding me? They couldn't think of anything better?"

Yoo Sangah frowned at the screen in front of her. "I agree, the airborne plant toxins explanation seems rather underwhelming. Dokja-ssi said he enjoyed the movie though, so maybe there's going to be a second, better twist? "

"No offence, but Kim Dokja isn't exactly a metric for good taste." 

[ With heavy hearts, the incarnations head back to their rooms to prepare for the confessions tonight. ]

[Sun Wukong]: Their hearts don't seem heavy at all.

[Bihyung]: Now that we've seen the incarnations' private talks with each other, does this change anyone's predictions about the confessions tonight?

[Uriel]: You mean 'confession'. Singular.

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah, only Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung are gonna confess. Can we move on already?

[Yi Sunsin]: What about...

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah?

[Yi Sunsin]: ...You're right, I think we are only going to see one more confession tonight.

[Bihyung]: So we're all in agreement then?

[Uriel]: Yep!

[Sun Wukong]: Yeah.

[Yi Sunsin]: Yes.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: F*cking finally.

[Bihyung]: Let's take a look at how the confessions are going then...after the commercial break.

[Commercial Break]

["And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people." (Revelation 14:6)]

VOICEOVER: ⸢Air Eden. The closest airline to heaven.⸥

[End Commercial Break]

[Constellation Observatory]

[Bihyung]: Welcome back! You're watching Star Stream Heart Signal, sponsored by Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes and Air Eden.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Do you have to do this every time?

[Bihyung]: This is the moment everyone, us, the incarnations, and the viewers in front of the screen right now, have been waiting for since the first episode. Confessions are always exciting to think about and watch.

[Yi Sunsin]: Have any of you ever confessed to anyone?

[Sun Wukong]: ...

[Uriel]: ...

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: ...

[Bihyung]: ...

[Sun Wukong]: Wow. In the end, none of us but Yi Sunsin were qualified to give romantic advice. 

[Uriel]: I have plenty of theoretical experience!

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: You know what I just realized? The success rate of this show is really low.

[Uriel]: I wouldn't necessarily call a 62.5% success rate low.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: H-How did you manage to calculate that so quickly?

[Sun Wukong]: Isn’t it basic math?

[Bihyung]: It does make you wonder whether things would have turned out differently if Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah had gone on the first date together, or if Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Sangah had spent more time with each other.

[Yi Sunsin]: I agree. Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah didn't go on a date until the third week, and by that time things between them had already cooled. There are also some other match-ups we never saw. For example, Kim Dokja and Lee Seolhwa, or even Lee Hyunsung and Yoo Sangah.

[Bihyung]: The possibilities are endless. Maybe if they had more time together in the Heart Signal house, we wouldn't be seeing the same scenario as today. 

[Uriel]: I don't think anything would be different.

[Bihyung]: I guess we'll never know. Should we take a peek at how the incarnations are preparing for their confessions?

[Uriel]: Incarnation. His. Singular.

[Sun Wukong]: What are you scribbling on your whiteboard?

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: How is it 62.5%?! Even if you count Kim Namwoon, 3/8 is only 40%?

[ Confession Time ]

After a time-lapse shot of the sunset and a montage of the girls putting on their makeup, the scene cut to a shot of the four men, who were sitting around on the sofa in the living room together. Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Namwoon were still wearing the same thing as this morning, while Kim Dokja had switched to a similarly-coloured but much nicer button-down.

In the most drastic change of them all, Lee Hyunsung had changed into a fancy-looking shirt that was just on the edge of too tight for him. His extraordinarily developed biceps strained against the fabric in a way that made it hard to tear one's eyes away from them; even Kim Namwoon had begrudgingly commented "Nice muscles" earlier.

In contrast to his companions' carefree expressions, Lee Hyunsung was practically vibrating out of his seat from nervousness. He kept checking and rechecking the piece of paper that contained his confession speech, his sweaty hands fumbling with it as he struggled to stuff it back in his pocket. Finally, he seemed to reach his breaking point and stood up. The other three stared at him.

"I'm going," Lee Hyunsung announced.

"Good luck, Hyunsung-ssi," Kim Dokja said encouragingly.

"Thank you, Dokja-ssi."

Even Kim Namwoon offered his support. "Yeah. Good luck."

"Thank you, Namwoon."

"Do you want to eat a Dokkaebi Steamed Cake before you go?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk, expressionless. 

[ Dokkaebi Steamed Cake: Available in both Matcha and Original flavours. ]

The sudden product placement caught Lee Hyunsung off-guard, and he scratched his head in bewilderment. "Ah. I..."

"Ignore him, he's just doing his job in the worst way possible," said Kim Dokja. "Heewon-ssi is waiting for you."

Lee Hyunsung clenched his fist. "I understand." With the air of a soldier steeling himself for an upcoming battle, he marched out of the living room.

Kim Dokja had a proud, fatherly look on his face as he watched him leave. "Now the success rate of this show won't be zero."

"What's that?" Kim Namwoon asked out of the blue, pointing to the floor.

The camera zoomed in on a folded piece of paper lying on the wooden planks as tense copyright free music played in the background.

[ Disaster strikes! ]

"Hyunsung-ssi!" Kim Dokja called out, picking it up. "You dropped your notes!"

But Lee Hyunsung had already disappeared out the front door, and they could see him speed-walking to the back garden through the bay windows of the living room. 

Kim Dokja turned to the others with a frown. "Should I go after him?"

"Sit down," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"He's got it memorized anyway," Kim Namwoon added. "He was practicing it every night before bed."

Kim Dokja sat down beside Yoo Joonghyuk with a sigh. "I guess we'll just have to believe in him."

[ Our hearts, entwined. ]

[ Heart Signal Lines are converging. ]

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: Why are the captions so cringy?

[Uriel]: SHHHHHH!

Jung Heewon was standing in the back garden, tapping her foot impatiently against the grass. Her midnight blue suit jacket was draped over her shoulders like a cape, and she was wearing dress pants of the same colour and a low-cut white blouse.

"It's so f*cking hot out," she muttered under her breath, fanning herself with the loose collar of her shirt. "Why isn't he coming?"

Just then, Lee Hyunsung appeared around the corner. He raised his hand in a shy wave and sped up into a jog, stopping in front of Jung Heewon.

"Sorry, did you wait long?" he asked in a breathless voice. He took in Jung Heewon's outfit and swallowed, his gaze snapping back to her face.

It seemed to be the reaction Jung Heewon was aiming for, because she smirked. "Not really. I like your shirt."

"Thanks," Lee Hyunsung said sheepishly. "Dokja-ssi helped me choose it."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

After a beat or two, Lee Hyunsung seemed to remember something and reached into his pocket. When he realized his notes weren't there, he frantically patted himself down, trying to find it. "Wait, I remember I...where is it..."

"Did you lose something?" 

"I had my speech on a piece of paper..."

Jung Heewon looked surprised. "You wrote out a confession?"

"It's because...I'm not very good at romance or confessions," Lee Hyunsung tried to explain as his blush darkened. "So I did some research and wrote down everything I wanted to say in case I got nervous and forgot… Dokja-ssi helped check over it for me too to make sure it was okay." 

Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung stared blankly at each other.

"...Maybe I should go back inside and ask Dokja-ssi if he knows where my notes are?"

"Stop talking about Kim Dokja," said Jung Heewon, amused. "This is about us, not him. I'm the person you like, right?"

The red blush on Lee Hyunsung's face crept down his neck and disappeared beneath the collar of his dress shirt. He looked like he was about to combust.

"Since you seem to be having trouble speaking, why don't I go first? Lee Hyunsung." Jung Heewon's smile hardened into a serious expression. "Will you go out with me?"

Lee Hyunsung's mouth dropped open in shock. "I...Yes! I mean, I'd love to," he stuttered. He sounded like his spirit had left his body and ascended to a higher plane. "Where do you want to go?"

Jung Heewon grinned at him. "Great. We can decide that later." She reached out and grabbed his hands, setting them on her hips and stepping closer until she was enveloped in his embrace. "I guess this means we're official now, huh?"

"...Of course."

The camera panned up towards the starry sky, and the scene transitioned into a montage of the tender moments the two had shared on the show: When they first met and Jung Heewon smiled at Lee Hyunsung; the first time Lee Hyunsung received a text back from Jung Heewon and could barely hide his dazed grin; when Lee Hyunsung drank every single cocktail Jung Heewon offered him at Kim Namwoon's birthday party despite already being tipsy because he wanted to see her smile; when Jung Heewon sat in Lee Hyunsung's lap on their trip to Jeju Island and made him blush; when they shared light-hearted anecdotes about their childhood on the beach on Jeju Island at night; when they went ziplining and Jung Heewon helped Lee Hyunsung into his harness; when they went on a solo date for the first time to Jung Heewon's kumdo school, and she taught him the basic stances, her hands brushing along his arms the whole time; and all the times they smiled at each other across the crowded room, their hearts beating in harmony.

[ Me and you. ]

Lee Hyunsung's arms tightened around her waist. He looked like he was holding onto the most precious thing in the world, the way he was smiling. "Thank you for being here with me."

[Uriel]: Tissue—

[Sun Wukong]: Here.

[Yi Sunsin]: Even I'm getting a little teary.

[Bihyung]: I wish the two of them luck, the rest of their lives is only just beginning.

The scene cut back to the house. At some point in time, Yoo Sangah and Jang Hayoung had come downstairs and joined the men on the sofa for an intense and occasionally violent game of cards.

"I can understand being good at poker, but how are you this good at Uno?" asked Kim Dokja, incredulous. "Isn't it mostly luck-based?"

"Shut up and draw 8 cards," ordered Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja reluctantly reached for the deck. "Are you sure you're allowed to stack Draw Four cards? Did you check the rules?"

"Draw 8 cards," Yoo Joonghyuk repeated stubbornly.

"Never stop being this annoying, Yoo Joonghyuk."

[ Are none of you going to confess to anyone tonight? ]

"I already did," said Kim Namwoon, looking proud and a little blissed out as he tossed his red card onto the pile on the ground. 

[ What about you four? ]

"I think I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say we're fine as is," Yoo Sangah said cheerily. "Now if you'll excuse me, it's my turn to play."

[ And with that, both the confessions and their time together draw to a close. ]

The scene changed again, and this time, all seven of the incarnations were sitting at the dining table, which was covered with a lavish spread of food. Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon kept grinning at each other when they thought no one else was watching, while Jang Hayoung and Yoo Sangah seemed delighted by their progress.

"I have some gifts for everyone," Yoo Sangah piped up after everyone finished eating. She reached under the table and brought out a gift box, from which she removed a whole stack of small picture frames. "I asked Han PD for copies of the group photo we took on Jeju Island and got them printed and framed."

Everyone let out exclamations of surprise as she passed them their copy.

"This is so cute!" said Jang Hayoung, turning it over in her hands and examining it curiously. "Thanks, unnie!"

The camera zoomed in on her picture frame. Behind the glass was a picture of the eight of them standing on the beach at Jeju Island. They were all, except for Yoo Joonghyuk, sporting wide smiles and waving at the camera in a heartwarming display of camaraderie.

[ The memories of this summer will last forever in our hearts. ]

"Hey, we all look pretty photogenic in this," said Jung Heewon, looking impressed. "You chose a great photo, Sangah-ssi."

"Han PD sent me the photographs the crew members took on the trip and I went through them all to pick the perfect one," she replied cheerfully. "I can forward them to you if you want?"

"Sure, that'd be great."

"That reminds me, I also have some presents to distribute." Kim Dokja got out of his seat and returned a few seconds later with a large shopping bag under his arm, which he deposited onto his chair.

"Come on, you guys are making the rest of us look bad," Jung Heewon complained. She leaned over in her chair to get a good look at the presents, not realizing that Lee Hyunsung looked close to passing out from the sudden proximity. 

"This one's for Hyunsung-ssi...this one's for Heewon-ssi......and this one's for you, Sangah-ssi." Kim Dokja passed out the gifts one by one. "Sorry I didn't wrap them."

"Don't worry, I didn't wrap mine either. I guess that means we're even?"

Yoo Joonghyuk abruptly tore open the package his gift was in, startling everyone with the noise. "What the hell is this?" he asked darkly, dumping the light stick out of the box and into his hand.

"Is that a 2016 World Championships Limited Edition Commemorative YJH light stick?" gasped Kim Namwoon, slapping the table. "I thought those were sold out! How'd you manage to find one?"

"Money can buy a lot of wonderful things," Kim Dokja said cryptically.

"This is useless," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"I just thought it would be nice to celebrate your professional achievements, Supreme King-nim."

Despite looking disgusted with the present and Kim Dokja's subsequent bullshit, Yoo Joonghyuk placed it back in its box with utmost care. The rest of the group also unboxed their gifts and gave appropriate thanks to him, and they filled up the room with their chatter.

"Let's do another toast," said Kim Dokja, raising his glass. He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, then said, "I'm glad I met you. All of you."

"You better not be lying this time," Jung Heewon snorted.

Their glasses clinked against each other in wind chimes drifting in the summer breeze, and the melodic sound of their laughter shone brighter than the stars in the endless stretch of sky above them.

[Yi Sunsin]: This is truly the best ending one could ask for.

[Uriel]: Ahhhhh I'm so happy for everyone!

[Bihyung]: It's good to see that they've all become such good friends. 

[Sun Wukong]: Like the tagline of the show, these are 'friendships that will last a lifetime.'

[Bihyung]: Especially Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja.

[Uriel]: I'm sure their relationship will last a lifetime.

[Yi Sunsin]: Indeed, the two of them have developed a strong brotherly bond.

[Sun Wukong]: Pffft.

[Bihyung]: Time to count how many cakes everyone has! I hope none of you accidentally ate any, haha!

[Uriel]: I think it's very unlikely that'll happen.

[Bihyung]: As a reminder, we received 1 cake every time we guessed the Heart Signal Lines or who would go on a date with whom correctly. I have 3 cakes. What about you?

[Yi Sunsin]: I have 3 cakes as well.

[Sun Wukong]: 5 cakes.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: ...2.

[Uriel]: I have 6 cakes...oh! Does this mean I win? Hooray!

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I would've had more if I was there during the earlier episodes, ARGHHHHH!

[Sun Wukong]: Nah, I doubt it.

[Bihyung]: It seems like Uriel is the winner of this season, having guessed correctly a whopping 6 times, which means she will receive a year's supply of Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes for free! Congratulations!

[Yi Sunsin]: Congratulations, Uriel!

[Sun Wukong]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Uriel]: I'll donate them to a food drive.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: I wanted to win...

[Uriel]: Aww, it's okay, I'll give you half of my cakes if you call me noonim.

[Abyssal Black Flame Dragon]: N-No!

[Bihyung]: And with that our time here draws to a close. Thank you to everyone for watching Star Stream Heart Signal, and thank you to our sponsors, Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes and Air Eden, for supporting the show. See you next season!

***

"Thank you for your help, Dokja-ssi," said Yoo Sangah. 

Kim Dokja set her suitcase on the ground outside the house. "Your taxi should be arriving any minute now, right?"

Yoo Sangah nodded. Then she stepped forward and drew him in for a light one-armed hug, her braid slipping over her shoulder with the movement. When she pulled back, they were both smiling.

"I know we haven't known each other for that long, but I think you've changed a lot," she said, voice warm. "I'm glad."

"I think we've both changed a lot," he replied. "In fact, I should probably ask you for an autograph now before you become famous."

Yoo Sangah covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. "Don't worry, I'll send you as many autographs as you'd like. Between you, me, Heewon-ssi, and Joonghyuk-ssi, we could probably make a living selling autographs."

"I'll pass on your advice to Yoo Joonghyuk."

The sun was bright outside, and the sky was an untainted shade of blue.

"I've been meaning to bring this up for a while, but I never got a chance to until now. I also didn't want to be presumptuous," she said, brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "The truth is, my parents had a lot of expectations for me when I was young, and the stress of living up to those expectations was suffocating. My therapist was the one who helped me come to terms with those feelings, and I still see her occasionally just to chat about my life." Yoo Sangah turned to him with a smile. "If you're interested, I can text you her number later. Please don't feel obliged to accept, I know everyone has to do things at their own pace, but I guess I just wanted to say—as a friend—that it's something that might help."

"Thank you," he said earnestly.

"You're welcome. Let's stay in touch, okay?" She winked playfully at him. "I need someone to watch my bad movies with me in the future since none of my other friends are interested."

"I don't consider them bad movies," joked Kim Dokja. They shared a laugh.

The two of them exchanged contact information, and Kim Dokja waved her goodbye as she got into her taxi. He watched the taxi disappear down the road before turning back and walking up the steps to the house to retrieve his suitcase, which was stashed away in the living room. As he walked through the empty rooms of the house, he thought about all the people he had met this month, and all the things they went through together. The faint memories of laughter echoed in his head as he wandered down the hallway, noting the places where the cameras used to be mounted. They were all gone now.

Han Sooyoung was in the living room, and she looked up at the sound of his approaching footsteps. "Yo. You're still here?"

"You're literally sitting on my suitcase."

Han Sooyoung shrugged and got up, tucking her hands into the pocket of her sweatshirt. "I guess this is it, huh?" she mused. "We're all done here. Well, you're done, but I still have to go back and wade through hundreds of hours of footage to try and find something interesting." 

"Good luck with that."

"Ha, thanks, I'll need it." Han Sooyoung picked up a stray Dokkaebi Steam Cake from the coffee table and squeezed it like a stress ball. Even with all her strength she barely made a dent in it. "God damn it, these stupid things are everywhere. Are you sure you don't want to take some with you?"

"I'm sure," said Kim Dokja. "By the way, I don't think I've told you about this yet, but I went to see my mother on Friday."

In their last year of university, Han Sooyoung asked him if he was happy. He hadn't known what to say at the time, because he was so used to feeling nothing that he didn't even know what happiness was supposed to feel like anymore.

"I told her I was seeing Yoo Joonghyuk," he continued. "Next time, I think I'll tell her about how my best friend planned the whole thing for us. And after that, I'll tell her about this show. Maybe she'll even be able to watch it once it airs, I heard they get TV time in prison." He smiled to himself. "You know, I never thought about it this way before—that my mother would be able to see me like this. And even if she can't watch it in real time, the footage will still be online when she's released. It's funny how everything came full circle, in the end."

When Kim Dokja glanced at her, Han Sooyoung's eyes were ablaze in the light. 

"Are you happy?" she asked.

"I am," he said quietly. "Thank you for always being here for me, Sooyoung-ah."

"..." Han Sooyoung furiously scrubbed the back of her hand over her eyes, and let out an exaggerated groan. "Now you've gone and done it. You've made me emotional. Gross."

Kim Dokja laughed and passed her a crumpled tissue. "Sorry. I'll treat you to dinner next week as an apology, okay?"

She took it and blew her nose. "Deal. I'll be busy with the celebrity guests during the weekdays, but I'm free on Friday nights and weekends." Her voice still sounded kind of stuffy. "We should have a movie night sometime too, there's one that I want to watch and I bet I can find a way to pirate it."

"Isn't it my turn to pick the movie?"

"Your taste in movies is horrible," Han Sooyoung said accusingly. "There's no way I'm watching another bad webnovel adaptation after the mess you forced me to sit through last time."

"Fair enough."

They stood there on the balcony for a long time, watching the leaves of the trees underneath them fluttering in the wind like birds taking flight. 

"Hey, Kim Dokja," said Han Sooyoung. "I want to direct a movie based on your novel one day. Okay?"

"Are you sure? Isn't directing a movie completely different from directing a variety show?"

"You're supposed to say 'Sure, Han Sooyoung-nim, thank you for your generous offer. I'm beyond honoured.'"

"Sure, Sooyoung-ah. I'm honoured you offered."

Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes at his snarky response. "Yoo Sangah can star in the movie," she added as an afterthought. "I'm sure she'll be a great actress."

"Sounds good to me."

"You better give me a discount when you sell your rights to me, Kim Dokja. Or we can do something like a 50-50 collaboration and you can help with the production, and we can get Uriel to write the screen adaptation. How about this, you can provide the money, and I'll provide the brains and the priceless touch of the artistic genius that I am."

Kim Dokja smiled. "Whatever you say." 

There was a black car waiting for him outside when he emerged out the doors with his suitcase in hand. Kim Dokja walked up to it and rapped his knuckles on the window. After a second, the window rolled down, and he was greeted with Yoo Joonghyuk's familiar face.

"Get in."

After stuffing his suitcase into the trunk beside Yoo Joonghyuk's, Kim Dokja opened the car door and slipped inside. The two of them sat there for a while in silence, watching the dust drift through the golden rays of light shining through the glass, small wanderers in a vast universe.

"I wrote a story about you once," said Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk started the car and slowly pulled out of the driveway.

"Well, all of my stories are about you in some way or another, but that one was different. It was about us." He took a deep breath in and exhaled. "I never finished it, but I think I will, someday."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. Simply having him there beside him and knowing that they belonged to each other, was enough. An old chapter of his life had ended, and a new one had begun, one without an ending.

It was the beginning of another eternity with him.

"Where are we going?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Let's go home," said Kim Dokja.

I'm Kim Dokja. Dokja, like 'only child.' What's your name?

Joonghyuk.

Do you want to come with me?

Yes. Always.

Chapter Text

At last, it was August 3rd and time to celebrate Yoo Joonghyuk's birthday.

The 10 of them, Yoo Mia, Kim Dokja, Han Sooyoung, Jung Heewon, Yoo Sangah, Lee Hyunsung, Lee Seolhwa, Kim Namwoon, Lee Jihye, and Jang Hayoung were currently standing in the kitchen of Yoo Joonghyuk's house, trying to figure out how on earth they were going to decorate the place for his birthday party. Yoo Joonghyuk was exiled from the house by Yoo Mia's imperial orders a few hours ago and was probably training shirtless in a field somewhere or whatever it was that he got up to when he was outdoors alone.

Yoo Mia wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Why did you guys buy pink streamers? Oppa doesn't like pink."

"They were on sale," said Jung Heewon, setting them down on the table. "You can colour them black with a sharpie if you want."

"What did you get him as a present?" Kim Dokja asked Han Sooyoung when the two of them were getting out the plates and cutlery from the kitchen together.

"Bold of you to assume I got him a present."

"Is it a joke gift? A gift card? Something insulting or ugly?"

"A gift card to a bookstore," said Han Sooyoung. "He doesn't read so he'll give it to you, and then you can give it back to me since you only read webnovels. And thus the circle is complete, and I don't have to spend a single penny on him."

Kim Dokja hummed. "You've really thought about this."

"As if I'd let that bastard win," said Han Sooyoung, smirking. She looked damn proud of herself. "Whose idea do you think the pink streamers were?"

"But you missed something important." Kim Dokja's smile widened. "Yoo Joonghyuk buys books for his sister all the time."

"...Fuck."

***

"Where does Yoo Joonghyuk keep his kitchen scissors?"

Kim Dokja opened his mouth to reply, and then shut it. "How would I know?" he asked cautiously.

Jung Heewon gave him an unimpressed look. "Because you two are dating? Why else? Did you seriously think the rest of us didn't know?"

"Oh." Kim Dokja cleared his throat and looked away. "Does everyone know?"

"Everyone except Kim Namwoon, I don't know what's going on in that kid's head," Jung Heewon said casually. "Honestly, though, I'm not surprised. Even in the beginning, he looked at you differently. Now where the fuck are his scissors?"

"The truth is, I have no idea."

In the end, Yoo Mia found the scissors for them, and they successfully covered Yoo Joonghyuk's living room in garlands of pink and silver streamers and paper signs exclaiming 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOO JONGHYUK' in Yoo Mia's excited scribble. Kim Namwoon had the card everyone signed safely stored away in a black envelope, which he placed reverently in the middle of the coffee table.

"Maybe you should've picked a different colour," said Lee Jihye, rubbing her chin in thought. "It looks kind of ominous. Like a death certificate."

Before Kim Namwoon could defend his decision, the doorbell rang. 

"Shit, is he home?" Jung Heewon swore. "Mia, did you tell him not to come back until 7?"

"Of course I did," Yoo Mia huffed, turning her nose up in the air. "If it is oppa, then I'll just tell him to come back later."

Kim Dokja followed her to the front door, which she opened with all the pomp and circumstance of a true master of the house. The smiling faces of Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung peered up at him. "We brought presents for Joonghyuk-oppa," Shin Yoosung said eagerly, holding out a large box to Yoo Mia.

Yoo Mia passed it to Kim Dokja. "Go put that in the living room with the other presents," she ordered. Turning back to her friends, she said brightly, "Thanks! I'm glad you guys made it!"

Wasn't she the spitting image of Yoo Joonghyuk? "Yes, madam."

Lee Gilyoung ran over to him as he turned to leave and grabbed onto the back of his shirt. "Hi, Dokja-hyung! Do you still remember me?"

Kim Dokja set his hand on his head and gently ruffled his hair. "Of course I do, Gilyoung."

Something bumped into his other side, and he glanced down, only to see Shin Yoosung staring up at him with a pout. "You remember me too, don't you?" she asked.

"Yes. You're Yoosung."

She seemed pleased by his response and turned triumphantly to Lee Gilyoung. "See, I told you he remembers us both. You're not special."

"Shut up!"

Still bickering, the two of them and Yoo Mia disappeared into the living room, where they were greeted by the rest of the group there.

"You must be Kim Dokja-ssi," said Shin Yoosung's mother, smiling at him. She had followed him into the kitchen. "The two little ones were talking about you the whole car ride here."

"Really?" Kim Dokja blinked in surprise, setting the box in his arms down on the table so he could shake her hand. He didn't know he had left a lasting impression on them. "Ah, I remember them fondly as well. They're both good children."

The sound of the others' conversations drifted into the kitchen, filling up the space with laughter and chatter.

"So what are your names?" he heard Yoo Sangah ask.

"Shin Yoosung." "Lee Gilyoung!"

"Damn, now I kind of wish I had younger siblings," Jang Hayoung was saying.

When he looked over at her, Shin Yoosung's mother was also listening to their happy voices with a relaxed expression on her face. She caught Kim Dokja's eye and gave him a secretive smile. "My husband and I were a little worried that Joonghyuk-ssi would never be able to find someone, and I'm glad to see he's finally settled down now."

Kim Dokja already had Yoo Mia's blessing and his mother's, and here was another one to add to his collection. "I'll be sure to take good care of him from now on."

"You don't have to make me any promises, Kim Dokja-ssi," she said kindly, "your only obligation is to each other."

Shin Yoosung's mother stuck around until Yoo Joonghyuk came back, and she exchanged well-wishes with him before leaving the 3 children and 10 not-children to their own devices. After the only responsible adult in the house was gone, Yoo Mia told her brother to close his eyes and led him to the darkened living room. "Now you can open your eyes," she said.

The moment Yoo Joonghyuk did, everyone pulled on the strings of their party poppers and showered him with confetti as the children cheered and Lee Jihye turned on the YJH light stick, waving it madly in the air. Yoo Joonghyuk was predictably unamused, but his frown was offset by the colourful bits of paper in his hair.

They paraded him into the kitchen, where Kim Dokja took out the cake he had brought over to Yoo Joonghyuk's house for Yoo Mia to decorate with chocolate syrup. It had taken him 3 hours this morning to bake, mostly because he kept having to pick out eggshell shards from the batter. After everyone got a slice of it ("This tastes awful," said Han Sooyoung. "You're supposed to lie to my face and tell me it's good," said Kim Dokja.), they moved onto the round of presents. 

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his sister's gift first, which was an envelope full of hand-drawn coupons he could redeem at any time for services ranging from a free massage to a vacuuming of the entire house. Then he opened Kim Dokja's.

"That looks expensive," Han Sooyoung drawled, stroking her chin. "Was it a custom order?"

"A pocket watch?" asked Jung Heewon, peering at it curiously. "It's nice and all, but...why?"

"Wait a minute." Jang Hayoung gasped. "Did you get that from the Ekita Clock Store? I didn't know you knew Aileen—"

Yoo Joonghyuk looked up and met his eyes across the room. Kim Dokja heard the words left unsaid, and smiled.

***

Han Sooyoung, Jung Heewon, and Yoo Joonghyuk were having a drinking competition in the kitchen, and he could hear Lee Hyunsung's worried voice telling them to stop mixed with the cheers from the others and the children's laughter. Kim Dokja had no idea how they convinced Yoo Joonghyuk to remove the stick from his ass and participate, but he suspected it might have something to do with him and completely non-hypothetical sticks up asses.

"Hello, Dokja-ssi," someone behind him said. "Are you not participating in the competition?"

Kim Dokja turned around. Lee Seolhwa was standing in the hallway, hair and red lipsticked smile as immaculate as always.

"I don't really drink," he explained.

She nodded understandingly. "I see."

Meeting your former romantic rival in a dark hallway was truly a surreal experience. Kim Dokja half-expected her to take out a surgical knife and—no, stop, this wasn't a revenge-fantasy reincarnation webnovel and none of them were mass murderers. Ahem. What was he thinking about again?

Lee Seolhwa was examining a picture frame on the wall. "Joonghyuk-ssi's house is so organized, isn't it?"

"It is."

Kim Dokja hadn't expected Yoo Joonghyuk to be a sentimental person, but littered around the house were all sorts of mementos from Yoo Mia's childhood. There was even a framed report card on the wall in the living room, which Lee Jihye avoided like the plague because it brought up bad memories of school for her. However, there wasn't anything from Yoo Joonghyuk's own past even though he had won countless honours and championships.

"How have you two been?"

Lee Seolhwa's voice was calm, and there wasn't a single trace of jealousy or bitterness in her voice. He knew she was sincere. 

"Pretty good. Have you been busy at work this week?"

"Yes, I had a lot of patients recently," she said. "Since school is out for the summer and all the children are running around or returning from summer vacation, we've seen an uptick in injuries."

They lapsed into silence. Kim Dokja didn't know what to say. Should he thank her for talking to Yoo Joonghyuk during the first week when he was too caught up in his one-sided rivalry with him to really listen to him? No, that was presumptuous. Shin Yoosung's mother was right, the two of them didn't owe each other anything. Lee Seolhwa had only done so because she wanted to, because loving someone meant you wanted the best for them, even if that 'best' wasn't with you.

The sound of Han Sooyoung's loud cursing echoed down the hallway, and Lee Seolhwa's smile widened. "It seems like they're wrapping up in there," she commented. "Shall we go see who won?"

"I have a feeling it's not Han Sooyoung," he said.

Lee Seolhwa laughed, and they walked back to the kitchen together.

***

As Kim Dokja had predicted, Yoo Joonghyuk won the drinking competition.

"You're not even human!" Han Sooyoung slurred, banging her fist on the table angrily. "How the fuck can you down a whole bottle without even feeling it?! You bastard, you—"

Kim Dokja passed her a cup of water before she lost all coherency. "It's not your fault. You were fighting with a size disadvantage," he assured her, patting her back as she downed the water in one go.

Although she was also grumpy about it, Jung Heewon was taking her loss with much more dignity. "I'm so full I think I'm going to throw up," she mumbled, getting to her feet. Lee Hyunsung clumsily wrapped his arm around her shoulders when she wobbled.

"Where's the bathroom?"

"It's down the hall. Um, do you need me to help you there?"

"Yeah."

The kids were sitting on the floor playing some kind of video game over by the TV. The three actual kids were ganging up on Kim Namwoon, and judging by the expletives he kept shouting and Lee Jihye's sarcastic quips, they were winning. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting silently on the sofa behind them, his stoic face illuminated by the light of the TV. After making sure Yoo Sangah was taking care of Han Sooyoung, Kim Dokja sat down beside him.

"Congratulations on your victory, though I'm not surprised by the results at all. Have you ever lost a competition in your life?"

After a very long pause, Yoo Joonghyuk finally answered. "I have," he said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. It sounded more like he was speaking to himself.

Noticing the shift in his tone of voice, Kim Dokja glanced at him curiously. Yoo Joonghyuk's cheeks weren't flushed and his words weren't slurred either, but there was a glazed look in his eyes, like granite awash with the night time rain. So the alcohol had taken a toll on him.

"Are you drunk?" asked Kim Dokja, amused.

"No."

"Fine."

Kim Dokja hooked his foot around Yoo Joonghyuk's ankle, and the two of them sat there on the sofa in peaceful silence, watching Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung mop the floor with the limp corpse of Kim Namwoon's game character.

Like all parties, this one eventually drew to a close.

The children were the first ones to leave that evening, with Shin Yoosung's mother dropping by to pick her and Lee Gilyoung up. Jung Heewon left soon after that to go sleep off the alcohol, and Lee Hyunsung took her home in his car. Meanwhile, Lee Seolhwa was busy with work and Lee Jihye had a curfew, so they said their goodbyes after they helped clean up the living room. The irresponsible members of their group (Kim Namwoon, Han Sooyoung, and Jang Hayoung) fled the scene after doing the minimal amount of cleaning up morally required of them, which meant the bulk of the work fell on Kim Dokja, Yoo Sangah, and Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulders. Yoo Mia had exhausted herself earlier from all the excitement, so Yoo Joonghyuk let her head to bed early.

Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja gathered up the dirty plates and utensils and brought them over to the counter. As Kim Dokja bent down to retrieve the kitchen gloves from their spot underneath the sink, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching and looked up. Yoo Joonghyuk was standing at the entrance of the kitchen.

"Are you here to bitch about my dishwashing skills again?" asked Kim Dokja, snapping on a kitchen glove.

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored him and turned to Yoo Sangah. "I can wash the dishes."

"Thank you, that'd be great. I'm afraid I have to head home now or I'll be late for work tomorrow."

"Good night, Sangah-ssi," said Kim Dokja. "Have a safe trip home."

"Good night!"

Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk soon settled into an efficient routine of washing and drying the dishes akin to an industrial assembly line. After finishing another plate, he handed it over, but this time Yoo Joonghyuk didn't take it.

"Sleeve," he said.

"Pardon?"

Instead of answering, Yoo Joonghyuk reached out and rolled up the sleeve that had slipped down to his wrist for him with surprisingly gentle fingers. Then he pried the plate out of Kim Dokja's hand and dried it with the towel, setting it down on the counter in front of him.

Heart full, Kim Dokja went back to scrubbing the next plate with renewed vigour. If this was Yoo Joonghyuk's ploy to get him to take his dishwashing task seriously, then it worked. He was so invested in fighting against one particularly stubborn stain that he didn't see Yoo Joonghyuk move towards him until strong arms closed around his waist and his back hit Yoo Joonghyuk's chest. He felt the hot puff of his breath against his neck and suppressed a shiver.

"You're acting out of character," said Kim Dokja.

"What."

"Careful, if you keep acting like this the audience will riot." Kim Dokja nudged him with his elbow. "Since when were you this clingy? Are you still drunk?"

"I already said no."

"Did you mentally regress to an eight-year-old then? Are you trying to awaken my paternal instin—mmphf."

Even the sound of the running water couldn't drown out the rhythm of his heartbeat in his ears. When they finally broke apart, there was a wet shine to Yoo Joonghyuk's lips.

"What was that for?"

Yoo Joonghyuk ran his thumb across Kim Dokja's bottom lip. "Don't run your mouth, or else I'll have to shut you up again."

Idiot, that only gave him more incentive to annoy him.

"You can't silence the righteous," said Kim Dokja.

Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his chin and proved to him that he could. After a while, he pulled back and whispered in his ear, "Stay the night."

Heat pooled in Kim Dokja’s stomach, and he felt the first stirrings of arousal in his groin. “I will if you behave yourself,” he said instead. “Now let go, I have to finish washing the dishes.

The hands on his waist slid up his sides, pulling at where his shirt was tucked into his pants.

"I'll wipe my hands on your shirt if you don't let go of me right now," he threatened.

Yoo Joonghyuk finally let go, looking disturbed by the thought of that.

Satisfied with his power over him, Kim Dokja finished washing the last of the dishes and dried them. Yoo Joonghyuk was standing off by the side in the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest and a vague expression on his face. Kim Dokja ushered him upstairs and into his room, which was just as minimalist and tidy as he expected.

"You can shower first, you reek of alcohol," he said casually. "You don't need me to hold your hand while you shower so you don't slip and break your neck, do you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him. "Are you..."

"Do you have any clothes I can borrow?" asked Kim Dokja, looking around the room for the closet.

One good thing about being adults was that they didn't need to beat around the bush. 

They eventually found something for Kim Dokja to wear, and then they both took turns showering and brushing their teeth one after the other. Kim Dokja was amazed there was actually shampoo in the shower; he half-expected Yoo Joonghyuk to wash his hair with bar soap like some kind of dystopian novel protagonist. 

When Kim Dokja finally emerged from the bathroom dressed in Yoo Joonghyuk's old clothes, the man was holding the pocket watch he gave him earlier and examining it in the misty light of the bedside lamp.

"Are you disappointed I didn't get you coupons?" he teased, sitting down beside him on the edge of the bed. 

Yoo Joonghyuk closed the cover of the pocket watch and set it down on his nightstand. "I don't trust you to clean the house."

"There are other services I can provide," Kim Dokja said meaningfully. He gently placed his hand on Yoo Joonghyuk's thigh. "If you wanted to, we could..." he trailed off, letting his hand inch higher.

"What?" 

Was this sunfish still drunk? He thought the alcohol would've worn off by now. "Are you playing dumb, or are you genuinely this dumb?"

Yoo Joonghyuk shoved him down on his bed. Their faces were hovering mere inches apart, and there was a flush creeping up his neck. "Shut up." His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration like he was trying to gather his scattered thoughts. "I was...making sure."

Kim Dokja tilted his chin up with his index finger, meeting his gaze straight on.

"Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi," he said, smiling up at him, "will you please allow me to take your virginity?"

They stared at each other for a few long, silent seconds. Kim Dokja was starting to regret his entire existence when Yoo Joonghyuk lifted his hand and pressed it to the side of his neck, his thumb smoothing gently over his racing pulse. He leaned down and closed the distance between them, their mouths meeting in a wet slide of tongues and lips.

"Turn the light off."

"I want to see you," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"..."

"..."

"Are you sure Mia won't hear us?"

"She won't if you keep your mouth shut."

"..."

"..."

"Joonghyuk—"

A hand reached out and fumbled with the lamp for a few seconds before finding the right switch and turning it off, submerging them both in a peaceful darkness.