Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bucky arrived at Sam’s apartment 17 minutes late, because he was just obnoxious enough to do that to annoy Sam. But he did come with Chinese takeout, so it was (mostly) forgiven.

“You’re late, again, fuckface” Sam said as he opened the door.

“Sorry fucker, I thought I’d be a good friend and bring you something greasy and not homemade, but I guess I’ll just die instead,” Bucky returned, pushing past Sam at the door.

This had become a regular routine of theirs after everything with Thanos and Steve leaving and Sam becoming Captain America and Bucky being Bucky. Every week, they would get greasy takeout, choose an awful movie, and spend two hours heckling it and each other. It was nice.

After Bucky set down the food, he started taking off his jacket. In the process, he began disarming and removing some of the weapons he was carrying. Sam watched in disbelief as he pulled one handgun, 5 knives, a taser, a pair of nunchucks, and what looked like a fucking slingshot out of his jacket.

“What the fuck man? Do you need an entire armory to go get food? The fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’ll have you know,” Bucky began, pulling three more knives out of nowhere, “That this would be a very pathetic armory. Barely enough for an easy assassination, and I would know.”

Sam paused for a minute, trying to process exactly what the fuck that comment meant, before staring in disbelief as the pile of knives on the table grew to at least ten and something that looked a lot like a grenade joined the collection. Bucky was just standing there, smirking at the pile on the table.

When he finally found the words, Sam asked, “How many fucking knives are you even carrying right now?”

“Welllll…” Bucky responded, “I’ve got at least two more in my bra and three in my boots, and that’s not even counting the thigh holsters.”

“You’re wearing a bra?” Sam questioned. Between the sheer number of knives in his apartment and this new information, Sam didn’t notice Bucky’s smirk until he’d already fallen into his trap.

“You little fucker––” Sam began, but was cut off by Bucky’s cackling laughter.

“Did you really think I’m wearing a bra? That’s amazing!” Bucky cackled. He seemed to be finding this whole situation hilarious, especially Sam’s reaction. However, the elephant in the room, or rather the armory on his table, still hadn’t been explained.

“Seriously man, why the fuck do you have,” Sam paused to count all of the new weapons that had come off of Bucky, “13 knives?”

“Just in case.”

“In case of what? The goddamn world ends again?”

“Just eat your motherfucking spring roll,” Bucky responded, before chucking said spring roll directly at Sam.

After that, they both grabbed their food and settled onto the couch to watch their movie. Tonight’s was something called Rodeo and Juliet, that promised to be so awful it might just be enjoyable. And honestly, Bucky realized he wouldn’t trade this weird friendship for the world (even if Sam was going to get him back somehow).