Chapter Text
“You have the answers. You are your own teacher.” The mantra of the podcast played through the small speakers on the bedside table. Shatterstar groaned and went to turn off the unwanted mantras. He was not sure what Rictor found attractive about these annoying, music-less, stations. He had claimed it was to help him sleep, but Shatterstar did not believe him. He sat up and yawned. It was a sunny morning in the small town that Rictor was staying in. Shatterstar had been staying there, sharing a room with him, because he had nowhere else to be since X-Force had disbanded. He had no citizenship to the USA, or any other country for that matter, and he had no desire to tie himself down. Rictor had fought with him on this, but Shatterstar had, in the end, come out on top, insisting that it was an unnecessary thing, and if it was so necessary, he would find a way.
Rictor yawned in the bed beside him. Shatterstar sighed. He had to talk to Rictor sometime that day about something that had been lingering in his mind for a few weeks now. It had been on his mind ever since they had both left X-Force. He had watched some television, and he had listened to some music, all of Earth, and it had all left him feeling the same way about his new feelings. He was in love. Or some approximation of what the humans around him considered love. That desire, that feeling, that want to be with something, someone, bigger than oneself. It was overwhelming to him. It concerned him a little bit, but he was sure Rictor would return the feeling. After all, had not they fought together, laughed together, and stayed together through and after X-Force?
Love, when he had first come across the concept, had seemed alien, foreign to him. As foreign as he was on this planet. But he had come to realize, through just sheer observation, that he needed to express it. These feelings had to be natural right? But what if they were not? He had never felt them before on Mojo. He had only lived for the fight, and that was all. But this was different, he had someone to fight for. He had Rictor.
Now, if only Rictor would wake up, that would be all he required. He sat patiently until about nine am, the normal time the two of them ate breakfast together before Rictor disappeared to who knows where, he said his job, but Shatterstar was skeptical about that. At that point, he gently ruffled Rictor’s hair. “It’s the morning hours, Julio.”
Julio Richter yawned, showing a mouth full of nice teeth. His dark hair was curly and there was stubble on his tan face. He was gorgeous, despite his bedraggled appearance, and Shatterstar loved it. He wanted to tell Rictor right then and there his declaration of affection, but thought it best to wait for breakfast.
Rictor made the best breakfasts. He made eggs and bacon along with steaming cups of coffee, of which Shatterstar drank too many for any normal person to handle. He had become quite a, as they called it, coffee addict during his time on Earth.
“Rictor.” He said, gently. “I have to tell you something.” He dipped some bacon in his coffee, a morning ritual no one had ever been able to break him of.
“Fire away, ‘Star, but I have to go in an hour, so don’t be too slow. I need a shower.” Rictor stretched, exposing skin in the morning light of the kitchen.
“I think… well, I know. I love you, Rictor.” He blurted it out, nervously, before he could stop himself or fake out.
“I…. uh… love you too, man… Unless, that isn’t what you meant?” Julio replied awkwardly, seeing Star’s devastated expression at his lack of enthusiasm. “Oh, God. ‘Star.” He sounded exasperated, something Shatterstar definitely had not planned for and did not want.
“Julio, I feel about you like no one before. You make my heart beat in my chest and I want to be near you all the time! I have never known anyone like you, and I love that!” Shatterstar let more words fly, unable to stop them. He had to let Rictor know. The look on Rictor’s face was not a good one, though. That was not a good sign.
“What you’re feeling right now, ‘Star? This isn’t love. It’s you not knowing what humans are. We’re novelties to you. I know you and I have been close these past few weeks, but did you think it was gonna last? You have to leave eventually. You can’t just be my new housemate. I know you think you’re in love because I’ve been kind to you and treated you well, but I don’t love you, not like that. Not right now.” He threw his hands up in the air as he watched Shatterstar’s face fall.
“I’m so sorry, Ric.” Shatterstar was devastated. This was not at all how he had expected his confession of love to Rictor to go at all. He wanted there to be some reciprocation, some affection. Something to reassure him he was not alone in the world. And instead? He was getting his affection thrown back in his face. It was not fair. But he could not stop it. He did not want to fight it. That would only upset Rictor, and Shatterstar loved him too much for that.
“You know what? You need to leave. I’m sorry, but this… This is proof I let us go beyond professionality. The sharing a place in the first place was a mistake, and I should have known that letting you share a bed was a path to disaster. Maybe… Maybe come back when you’ve learned a little more. Become a little bit wiser. You need to grow, Shatterstar. But you can’t. Not when you’re tied down with me.”
“You… You’re throwing me out?” Shatterstar felt like his heart was breaking in half.
“I… I guess I am.” He turned his back on him. “I know this is a lot, but it’s been a time in coming. I want you out by this weekend.” It was Wednesday. Rictor left the house without his shower.
Shatterstar sat there in the kitchen with the remnants of his and Rictor’s breakfast, resisting the urge to break down, throw things, and or cry. That was all he wanted to do. After all, all he had wanted was to confess his love, and it had been thrown in his face, and now he was being thrown out with no place to go.
He did none of those things, however. What he did do was pack all of his things into his two backpacks and head out. He left a note and some of the cash he had on Rictor’s table, thanking him for everything, and then he left. Shatterstar was not quite sure where to go, but he was sure he would find answers somehow. But before that, he wanted to get some comfort food, and he knew a good place for it, once it was open, and that was Chili’s.
Julio had hated Chili’s. He had insisted it was fake food, but Shatterstar loved it; it was better than any of the food on Mojo he had eaten. The chips and salsa were great, as was the actual chili, although nothing was as good as what Rictor made at home. Nevertheless, the cookie in a pan and the chili were just what might soothe Shatterstar’s hurting soul. After that, he was sure he could find a former teammate to hide out with. Until he got his feet back under him.
He walked into the Chili’s about noon and was hit by a blast from the past in a most bizarre way. This was a new twisting turn to the day, and he was not ready for it when it happened.
“Hi, welcome to Chili’s.” A slightly high pitched and gravelly voice attached to a tall, muscled body behind the little Chili’s podium floated across the room. It was a dead inside voice, but it was one he would know anywhere. It also raised more questions than answers.
“Adam. Why are you working at Chili’s and not, you know… beating people up?” Shatterstar stood there, mouth open. One of the most dangerous mutants that X-Force had faced was standing in front of him, in a Chili’s uniform, offering him a menu. Adam Neramani, if you were friends, which he was sometimes, Adam X or Adam Xtreme if you were not. Either way, he was not sure why the blond, half Shi’ar, half mutant man was working in Chili’s.
“Can you keep that down, buddy? I’m not sure why you’re stirring up trouble, given that this is literally the one time I work a day shift, and for good reason apparently.” He looked over Shatterstar’s head to see a line forming. “Let me get you seated.” He walked into the restaurant, and Shatterstar still followed. Yep, definitely Neramani. He talked like him, walked like him, and now he was irritably being seated by him.
“What are you-“
“I quit the superhero mutant business. It got a bit dicey on my end. But I have an apartment, and I did not think that anything would be more unpleasant than dealing with the heroism antics. I was wrong. Service is the worst. Do you still have those double-bladed swords? If so, just stab me, stab me through the chest.” He mimed himself falling over.
“I think you have customers, Adam.” Shatterstar smiled, despite his foul mood.
“I’ll be back to talk to you later. Maybe. If I have time.” He winked. It fell flat. Shatterstar was not in a playful mood. He rarely ever was, but especially not now. “If not, here’s my number. Us alien warriors got to stick together, right?” He walked away, handing him a paper and leaving Shatterstar to be served.