Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

     Two days. She’d made it two whole days. That first night, after she watched the life drain from her brother’s eyes, she hadn’t slept. His final words replaying in her mind, over and over. “Kara Danvers IS Supergirl!”. Kara. Her Kara. How could this be? How could her entire world be crashing down around her? She thought she had felt pain in the past, but this? This cut her to her very soul. Her heart wasn’t just broken, capable of being mended one day. No...her heart had been obliterated . There was no coming back from this. 

     Then came game night...she almost didn’t go. She shouldn't have gone, really. It was only two days after learning of the most heartbreaking betrayal of her life, but that damned stubborn Irish blood of hers wouldn’t let her back out. She wasn’t going to be a coward now. Not after being made a fool of. She’d show them. She’d show all of them. Especially Kara...NO ONE makes a fool of Lena Kieran Luthor. 

     She had been pacing outside of J’onn’s office for several minutes before deciding enough was enough. “Go in and face them, Lena! Jesus!” , she chastised herself for being so hesitant. As she walked in and was met with a chorus of happy greetings, all she could hear were her brother’s words. “Your friends have been lying to you from the start!...They mocked you! Humiliated you! Betrayed you! Every. Last. One.”  She absolutely had every intention of throwing that bottle of white wine directly at that lying Kryptonian’s head, but she’d thought better of it. Aside from wasting a perfectly good bottle of wine, causing a scene here wouldn’t be the best way to deal with this betrayal. No...this deserved something much more thought out...something thoroughly planned and executed precisely and properly. So she played into the lie. Joining in on the laughing and the drinking...and the oddly powerful glances Kara seemed to be subtly throwing her way. “What the fuck is she looking at me like that for?!?” she thought to herself, thoroughly annoyed at the tug she felt in her heart every time their eyes met. “God DAMN these butterflies!” Lena thought, as her green eyes locked with Kara’s ocean blue before she quickly looked down at her cards while taking a generous sip of her wine.

     Getting out of the goodbye hug she had always craved at the end of every meeting they had was the most difficult thing to do without being too suspicious, or so she thought. She had timed it correctly...waiting for everyone to crowd at the door to all say their goodbyes, when she slipped through almost effortlessly, putting her cell phone to her ear pretending to take an important call. Instantly of course, Kara locked eyes with her, a mixture of concern and...could it be, panic...in her eyes? No...there’s no reason for her to be panicked...is there? No...that’s silly. “She couldn’t possibly know that I know...could she?”, Lena thought to herself. “I’ve gotta take this...I’ll see you later!”, Lena said quietly while pointing to her phone with her free hand then giving the group a small wave goodbye. Before she turned to walk towards her waiting car, she caught Alex giving Kara a questioning look. “Shit...not so suspicious AT ALL! Great…” she thought to herself as she climbed into the backseat of the sleek, black sedan. “Home, please.” she directed her driver, and the car sped off into the night towards her penthouse and an endless supply of much needed scotch.

     The mixture of alcohol and pain turned into sleepless nights. Those torturous nights then turned into impossible, grueling days at LCorp, never leaving her office. Having her assistant push back and reschedule every meeting with potential clients and new tech presentations from the R&D department, as well as an excruciatingly persistent blonde reporter who continually attempted lunch dates and the random donut drop off. Thankfully, her assistant was steadfast in knowing the rules. NO ONE gets in. NO ONE can see her. Not even her best friend, Kara Danvers...liar extraordinaire. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything . She sat with her back to the massive balcony windows overlooking National City, hoping... praying... that she wouldn’t ever again hear that soft thud of red boots touching down on the concrete floor that she would long to hear that would make her heart skip a beat. Or the sound of the bright red cape, swishing in the wind and the scent of vanilla, honey and sunshine that would always reach her nose and make her curious why she recognized the scent somehow. Now she understood her undeniable sexual attraction to Supergirl. It all made perfect sense. “Kara…” she thought, eyes closed as she held onto the memory and breathed in the stale air around her, hoping for just a hint of the scent she’d been thinking of. All she could smell was the usual scent of the commercial air through the vents mixed with the 18 year old Macallan scotch that she had just opened up. 

     She wasn’t ever exactly sure when she realized that she was in love with Kara. Though thinking back on everything they've been through the past three years, she could always pinpoint the exact moment she first felt her heart race like never before.

     “And who are you, exactly?” she asked as the young blonde fidgeted with her reporter pad and pen.

     “Um...um...I’m...Kara Danvers. I’m not with The Daily Planet, I’m with Catco Magazine...sort of…?” the blonde replied.

     Something about that stammering, blushing woman just sent her heart into hyperdrive. She never understood why for the longest time. Three years of feeling this ache. Three years of lunch dates and laughing and visits to her office to make sure she hadn’t forgotten to eat. So many nights of donuts or Big Belly Burger and deep, meaningful conversations on that very couch she was seated across from now. Three years of endless longing and oh so many  Plumerias. Taking a long sip from her glass of scotch, she let her head fall back as she remembered her first attempt at flirting with Kara Danvers.

     “So my office is...overflowing with flowers.” Kara said shyly as she glanced up at Lena.

     “Really?” Lena replied, cocking her head as if confused because obviously she had nothing to do with that...obviously.

     “Yeah…” Kara answered with a smile as they both laughed.

     “You didn’t have to do that.” Kara stated with a grateful smile.  

     “Yeah...I did. Supergirl told me that it was you that sent her. I don’t know how to thank you.” Lena replied, finally feeling courageous enough to maybe make her move.

     “Well, that’s what friends are for!” Kara replied. And there it was. She had officially been “Friendzoned”...great. So it was just her feeling this way. In an attempt to steer the conversation away from her flirting she tried her best to cover her feelings up.

     “I’ve never had friends like you before...come to think of it, I’ve never had family like you!” she realized how awkward that was to say as it left her mouth, but it was out there. Definitely “Friendzoned”...ugh. “No one’s ever stood up for me like that.” she admitted.

     “Now you have someone that will stand up for you...Always.” Kara stated, matter of factly. This was too much for Lena’s heart. She couldn’t help what she said next.

     “Well, Supergirl may have saved me but...Kara Danvers, YOU are my hero.” she finished in a hushed tone and a quirk of her eyebrow., making the blonde blush ten shades of pink and laugh nervously.

     Staring down at her desk at a picture of her, Kara and Alex after one of their many game nights, she let a single tear fall at the memory. “Fuck you, Kara.” she said, softly, as she smashed her glass onto the face of the picture...smashing the glass into a hundred pieces. No one would ever hurt her heart again. She would never let anyone in again. Not ever.

Chapter Text

     There was no questioning that the Obsidian North VR lenses were practically one of the only things keeping Lena from completely losing her sanity. She had been sitting with the knowledge of Kara’s true identity for two months…how had she been able to keep up this facade for so long without anyone growing suspicious? She hasn’t been completely herself, she has to admit. Sure, she had been trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy with everyone, but it has been absolutely excruciating at the same time. Having her weekly afternoon lunches with Kara or game nights with the whole group had been so difficult to pull off. Reality seemed so disconcerting to Lena. She’d sit there, smile on her face, engaging in whatever the activity was but just beneath the surface she was seething with hatred for her once close friends. She kept telling herself that this plan, this vengeance, was all worth the pain and torment she was putting herself through. If she could just keep it up a short while longer, everything would fall into place and Kara would be emotionally and mentally destroyed. 

     So to say that the lenses helped Lena during all of this pretending, that was a serious understatement. She’d let herself get lost in one of her many simulations, watching Supergirl heroically save a bus full of young children as well as pedestrians, she stood there on the sidewalk as Kara told the adoring children of the importance of always telling the truth…always doing the right thing. “Fucking LIAR!” Lena thought to herself as she looked on, utterly disgusted.

     “Always tell the truth. That’s rich.” she stated, getting Supergirl’s attention.

     “Ms. Luthor! Is everything alright?” Kara asked, smiling as she approached the brunette.

     “Why so formal? I thought we were best friends…Kara.” Lena said her name as if it were dripping with venom. Struggling to form words, Kara was obviously stunned.

     “You know?” she asked, looking utterly terrified.

     “Know what? That you’re a hypocrite who’s been lying to me for years?” Lena answers, as Kara tries to defend her actions.

     “No, Lena I didn’t mea-“ was all she could get out before Lena’s fist connected with Kara’s face. A strong right hook sending the heroine flying into the very bus she had just saved, bursting into flames as she landed.

     “Terminate.” Lena instructed to her newly created A.I., Hope. This new tech she had created was a prototype she had been tinkering with for months to help her in her quest to end human suffering and pain. She had linked Hope up to the Obsidian VR lenses to help execute her simulations that she had created. These virtual simulations were so very satisfying at the time while they were happening, but they always left her feeling guilty each time. Seeing herself so realistically cause pain to the person she once loved more than anything, regardless of the pain Kara had caused her, stung. It didn’t feel right, however, she would always quickly push those thoughts away as she remembered her reasoning behind all of this. Sitting at her large kitchen island, looking down at the tablet that held all the video footage Lex had shown her that fateful night that he revealed Kara’s secret, she knew that uploading these files to the CatCo servers to expose Supergirl’s true identity was the best course of action for getting her revenge. The news would spread like wildfire. In just minutes, the truth would be known around the globe. To make the moment even more painful to Kara, she had planned to release it just as she stepped onto the stage to sing praise of her reporter friend as she was to accept her very first Pulitzer Prize. “How poetic.” Lena thought to herself with a vindictive smile. 

     Later that afternoon when Kara had dropped by LCorp unexpectedly due to Andrea Rojas making her grand entrance a day too early, Lena had thought Kara might tell her then. Ever since Lex had told Kara’s secret, Lena was certain that Kara was never going to tell her herself. She had no intention of truly letting Lena into her life. Kara had only wanted to use Lena. Like flipping a switch, Lena put on the bright smile and rushed to her friend, enveloping her in a tight embrace.

     “Kara! Finally! It’s been ages! Hey…is everything okay at CatCo? I have six missed calls from James!” Lena said.

     “Actually…Andrea Rojas showed up in his office about a half hour ago saying she bought CatCo?” Kara said more as a question than an actual statement.

     “Shit…” Lena thought to herself.

     “Why would she do that?” Lena asked in a hushed tone to herself as she turned to go back to her desk. She had strict instructions for Andrea to wait until the following day to announce the sale of the media conglomerate. Kara let out a relieved breath of air, assuming Lena’s words meant it was a mistake.

     “Oh thank God! See…I told James and Nia there must have been a huge mistake…” Kara had started as Lena cut her off.

     “It’s not a mistake, Kara. I…sold CatCo to Andrea. She wasn’t supposed to show up til tomorrow, after you and I had had lunch.” Lena informed her, trying her best to look like she actually gave a shit that this information was obviously painful for Kara to hear.

     “You sold CatCo without telling any of us?” Kara asked, completely stunned and perplexed.

     “To be honest Kara, I only bought the company because I knew how much it meant to you.” Lena explained. As she let those words fall from her lips, she watched as Kara’s expression changed from hurt to…something else that Lena couldn’t quite put her finger on. She had never admitted that before. Buying CatCo was simply a good business investment and that was all, or so she had explained before. She’d never really admit that she would do anything of that magnitude for Kara Danvers. Including spending $750 million dollars on a company that employed the blonde so she could continue to do the work that she loved. Lena Luthor, was helplessly and hopelessly in love with Kara Danvers. That was a fact.

     As the conversation continued, Lena was secretly enjoying playing up the fact that she had kept Kara in the dark about this. Loving the way she could almost sense the way her words twisted in the blondes gut.

     “But, I never did purport to be a saint!” She ended while giving Kara a glare that was challenging yet mischievous. Kara sat across from her, nervous laughter leaving her lips, looking so torn and undeniably terrified.

     "You know what actually there is something I wanna talk to you about...I uh--" Kara said in a shaky breath, pausing to find the words.

     Looking at the blonde with a completely enraptured expression, feeling as if this may just be the moment Kara actually confessed, she leaned forward as Kara began to speak.

     “You know what…” Kara stammered as she looked down at her phone in her lap as if just receiving an important notification. "Lena…I’m s-so sorry. Theres….uh…a huge source for one of my articles is trying to meet. He’s impossible to pin down I’ve go- I have to…run. I’m sorry” Kara said, nervously as she scurried out of Lena’s office.

     “I’ll just see you tomorrow at the Pulitzer party!” Lena called out after her with a smile.

     “Right…yeah…” Kara replied, rushing out the door.

     The fake smile melted instantly from Lena’s face, being replaced by a look of hatred and distrust. Just as she thought. Kara would never reveal the truth on her own. Just goes to show that she really didn’t care about Lena as Lex told her. This just makes what she has to do that much easier.

     The next evening, she had thrown back two glasses of scotch soon after arriving at the Pulitzer party. “You can do this, Lena. You’re a Luthor. You can be ruthless. This is what needs to be done.” she kept repeating to herself in her head. It had proven to be difficult, hearing snippets of conversation between party guests, discussing Kara’s writing and for some that even knew her as co-workers, talking about her personally. It was simply wearing on her nerves. She knew more than two glasses would get her into potentially dangerous waters as far as her inhibitions were concerned, so she resigned to hiding out above the crowd, away from the chatter, awaiting her call to the podium to deliver the heartfelt speech she had written along with delivering the final blow to that deceitful Kryptonian. Just as she was beginning to feel her resolve strengthen, she heard her name from a familiar voice that made her heart rate pick up speed.

     “Lena! What are you doing back here?” Kara asked, looking puzzled as to why the brunette was not amongst the guests, mingling with the crowd. Kara had no idea Lena was going to deliver a speech. It was all part of her master plan, after all.

     Trying to play it off, Lena replied, “Okay you caught me!” with a shy smile and a wave of her hands. “It was supposed to be a surprise but I’m the one that’s gonna introduce you!” she exclaimed with a smile, looking bewildered after a moment at Kara’s look of confusion and…could it be…guilt, as the blonde turned away from her. “Well I couldn’t miss an opportunity to tell the world how wonderful you are!” Lena added, envisioning herself twisting the knife even deeper.

     “No no no no no…I-Lena I can’t let you do this. I don’t deserve it.” Kara said, matter of factly as she turned back towards Lena.

     “Are you kidding me?” Lena asked, as she stepped toward her former best friend, hand to her chest as she continued, “Me more than anyone knows how much you do deserve it! I saw how you risked your life to expose Lex’s crimes, I-“ she was cut off as Kara uttered two words that completely shattered her reality once again. 

     “I’m Supergirl.” Kara stated, her voice sounding so meek and unsure of herself.

     Lena felt her jaw go slack as she let out a shaky breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. Her heart sped up, her eyes instantly became glassy with tears and she couldn’t bring herself to say a single word. All she could do was stare, wide eyed, as Kara began her heartbreaking explanation. The blonde took a deep, unsteady breath as she pursed her lips, urging more words to come that wouldn’t. She closed her eyes and lowered her head slightly as she slowly removed her glasses. Gritting her teeth and faking a smile as if to say, “Here goes nothing!” she, as Kara Danvers, for the first time in their history, looked up and into Lena Luthor’s beautiful green eyes as her true self.

     “I’ve always been Supergirl.” she continued. Lena felt as though time was frozen. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think…all she could do was watch in slow motion as this scene unfolded in front of her. She saw Kara’s eyes searching her own as she began to speak again, looking so scared as if she were walking in a field of land mines. “I should have told you so long ago…I know that!” Kara said almost breathlessly as her eyes brimmed with tears. She closed her eyes, shaking her head and she explained, “But I just kept making excuses because you’ve been hurt so many times and…I convinced myself that I was protecting you…” she said, wincing at those words. “And then one day, you were so angry with me…with Supergirl,” she continued, correcting herself, “but you still loved Kara.” she said looking back up at her best friend. “And I just kept thinking, if I could be Kara…just Kara…” she stated, her words rushed and full of emotion as the tears threatened to fall, “that I could…keep you as a friend.” her chest was heaving as she began to almost hyperventilate, her voice cracking with heartbreak as she continued. “I was selfish and scared and I didn’t wanna lose you! So I kept pretending, and I never stopped. And every time I kept my secret from you, I wasn’t protecting you I was hurting you, just like everyone else and I am so…so sorry. I am so sorry!” she finished, inching closer to Lena as her face contorted in pain. Her blue eyes desperately searching Lena’s as she stood there, unmoving, not blinking.

     “Please say something.” she begged. Lena was so astonished at what had just unfolded, she couldn’t form words. She knew she had to say something, but her brain felt as if it literally stopped working. All she could feel was pain. Pain because of the betrayal, pain for ever hating this beautiful woman in front of her, pain for their past, pain for their future…just pain. Before she could force herself to say anything, the concierge interrupted.

     “Ms. Luthor…you’re on in two minutes!” he informed her, then quickly hurried off.

     “Lena?” Kara had asked, pleadingly. All the brunette could do was walk away. This was all too much for her to process right now. She had to pull herself together. She didn’t have  a choice now. So many decisions needed to be made in such a short amount of time. 

     As she took the stage to begin her speech, she looked down at her tablet, a slender finger hovering just over the “upload” button to send the videos to CatCo’s servers. She felt something shift in her just then. Hope. Not her A.I., but actual hope, that Kara Danvers did truly care about her and had wanted to be honest from the start just like she had explained. And so, she dismissed the upload, and began her speech, changing it ever so slightly to accommodate her most recent conversation so a certain someone would know she was talking directly to her. After the speech, Kara and Lena shared a tearful embrace on the stage. Lena was certain she had never felt this kind of love for anyone before.

     It was almost too much. Just then, the lights went out. As if the evening hadn’t been jarring enough, the party was interrupted by an alien hostile. As the crowd scattered and screamed, Lena was about to run off when she turned to where Kara stood, forgetting momentarily and expecting her to follow, and saw the blonde rushing up the stairwell toward the direction of the intruder. So she did what anyone would do in that situation, you follow the one you love. Stopping just at the next landing of the staircase she called after Kara, making her stop and turn.

     “I guess that’s your cue…Supergirl.” she said, with a smile that made Kara feel so proud and so happy to finally be able to be her complete self with Lena. Kara smiled and faced her friend, remembering what Brainy had told her about making her new suit materialize, and whipped her glasses off. Both Kara and Lena watching in awe as the super suit began materializing onto Kara’s body. This brought on so many new feelings for Lena. Never before had she seen both Kara and Supergirl in the same moment. never before had she witnessed the transformation that she had no idea even occurred as to her, they were always two different people. Her heart swelled with so much emotion that she couldn’t properly identify at that moment. In the end, all she could do was smile so big and so ridiculously as Kara looked down in shock and back up with a smile so big as she exclaimed, “PANTS!!!”. Yes…now that was a practical suit for The Girl of Steel. Lena was happy for her, smiling just as big as Supergirl flew off to defeat the hostile alien, Midnight and she escaped the building to the safety of her waiting car. 

     Hours had passed and Lena had some time to process all that she had learned tonight. She stood out on the balcony of her penthouse, looking out over National City, contemplating everything from the last few hours. Just as she was getting deeper into her thoughts, she heard  a familiar whooshing sound and a soft thud of boots on the concrete floor behind her. Turning slowly to face the blonde heroine, she couldn’t help but smile appreciatively at the new suit, all while fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shirt now that she knows Kara and Supergirl are one in the same as she thinks back on all those fantasies she’s had of encounters just like this, on her balcony here at home and at LCorp. “Not now, Lena…pull yourself together!” she scolded herself mentally as she gave Kara her full attention. Kara looked hesitant about approaching her, but she pushed passed it, closing her eyes and marching forward with purpose.

     “Lena…I-I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you were there tonight. That..that you’re even willing to talk to me at all.” she rushed out.

     “Thank you for telling me the truth. But Kara, things can’t be like they were before. Do you understand? There can be no more secrets between us, I have to be in on everything.” Lena explained earnestly.

     “You will be.” Kara said with a silent promise in her voice. “That’s actually why I’m here.” she continued, opening her hand up to reveal the signaling watch that Kal had designed especially for James to use if he ever needed him. Reaching her hand out and presenting the watch to Lena she said, “You know everything now…if you ever need me, all you have to do is call.” she said confidently watching Lena open the face of the watch to reveal the signal button beneath. 

     The trusting smile that Lena gave was all Kara needed to feel completely assured that all was right with the world now. Lena knew her truth, she was still her best friend and things would now be better than she could have ever imagined. What she didn’t know, was that Lena had in fact had time to think about the revelation of the evening. Unfortunately, Lena’s past and her upbringing forced her to still think that there was no way Kara told her the truth out of love or honesty. She only told her because she had a feeling she’d been caught and wanted to make sure she could still keep using Lena however she saw fit. Kara and her friends and family couldn’t afford to lose such an asset as Lena, especially when it came to defending the world from the many threats she’s already helped them face. So, she decided the best course of action would be to ensure that no one ever felt the same pain that she had felt, ever again. She was so tired of the way humans and aliens alike treated one another. Tired of the fear and the panic and the lies and the trauma. The world could be a better place. There could be a world without lies and deceit. She was just the person to figure out a way and she had already begun working on a solution, so why not take the most powerful tool in the universe and use her to her advantage? She would make Supergirl believe she trusts her fully and then…then she’d use her to accomplish everything she had set out to do. One favor at a time.