Chapter Text
Nothing quite compares to the feeling of meeting old childhood friends and catching up on their lives. Some would say Richie’s never really grown up, him included, thanks, but there’s a certain innocence to it that he has lost since then. It just feels... good, talking to them.
Not that he was ever innocent, really, the little fucker he was.
“Wait, Eddie, you got married?”, Richie is highly amused, because he begins to remember the crush he had on him. The big ol’ crush that made him feel all weird and tingly inside. He had caught a case of puppy love, the worst sort, and he can’t believe how awkward but weirdly functional he was about it back in the days. How did he even forget? He doesn’t think he’s capable of hiding his feelings that well anymore.
But yeah, he remembers. He used to tease him and then forget how to talk or walk properly, the dumbass that he was. He remembers how his heart stuttered when Eddie smiled at him or entertained his jokes. How funny Eddie was, though he may have cheated by making Richie fall in love with him. And how he seemed to be the bravest person in Derry, despite getting worried about the most ridiculous things sometimes. Richie used to scribble their initials everywhere, like it meant anything. He’s definitely not that innocent anymore.
And Eddie Kaspbrack, Eds, Eddie Spaghetti went on and got married?
Eddie scowls. “Yeah, why is that so fucking funny, dickwad?”, he spits out a little too fast, just like he used to. He doesn’t know, of course. They’re talking childhood memories, right? Why not be honest?
“Little me would be devastated; you’d have him in tears. Don’t you have mercy?”, Richie jokes and takes a sip from the coke he ordered. Eddie predictably looks confused, so Richie can’t help himself but to add: “Me and your mom never wanted grandchildren, way to make someone feel old.”
Mike and Ben, who listened in on their talk, try not to snort.
“I don’t even have children.”, Eddie says, deadpan.
Richie grins at him. “All jokes aside, I had a crush on you back then. Don’t know how I managed to hide that from anyone important, but I guess the slurs and threats helped with that.”
Suddenly, the whole table gets quiet. Everyone looks stunned, except for Mike, who looks unimpressed. Seriously, did none of them watch his show? They already talked about how they read Bill’s book, after all. Richie feels betrayed.
“Wait, does that mean… you’re gay?”, Beverly looks at him, eyes widened.
Richie shrugs. “To the max. Don’t tell Eddie’s mom.”, he jokes. He’s confident in himself and his sexuality now, or no, he wants to correct that… he just has no shame anymore, left it with Derry where it belonged. But the stares the other give him still make him uncomfortable. He wants to be liked by them, he realizes. He normally doesn’t give a shit, but they were the most important people in his life; although it feels like a lifetime ago.
“I guess that makes sense.”, Beverly says.
Richie laughs. “Didn’t foresee to be the one to win ‘most unexpected character development’ on this table, just with my sexuality alone. I didn’t even have to do anything to deserve the honor, this is a shit reward. Kinda lame.”
“Rich, you did not shut up about girls back then.”, Bill argues.
“Yeah, seems like I had something to hide. I would say that I was too obnoxious to be taken seriously but I guess that hasn’t changed.”, Richie comments.
“You were gay??”, Eddie gasps.
Oh yeah, the memory of Eddie being so quick-witted? It doesn’t match up with Sherlock here. “What, how did you know?”, Richie gasps back. Eddie gives him a stare. Goddammit. “Your gaydar sucks, you should let it get checked. All of yours! I take no responsibility.“
“So, really? You had a crush on me? How?” Eddie furrows his brows, as if it was that difficult to understand. It’s kind of cute. Very cute. Stop that thought, being hopelessly in love with Eddie Spaghetti may have been cool once, but Richie needs to change the trend. He kind of wishes he had a hot boyfriend he could show off to defy this level of cuteness. Okay, well, that would be short-lived anyways because his dating record isn’t exactly great.
“I mean, we were best friends.”, Richie argues, getting uncomfortable again. He doesn’t really like talking about feelings, even old rusty feelings. But guess who managed to get himself into this situation? Typical. Why exactly did he tell him, again?
“You were also best friends with Stan! And Bill! And-“
“I know their names, thanks. Remembered them just like it was yesterday. Would have been nice of you if you told me sooner.”, Richie interrupts him. “Anyways, do I have to fight with your wife to win your hand?”
Eddie looks lost. “Richie…“
Richie nearly cringes. He shouldn’t have done that. “That was a joke, don’t flatter yourself.”, Richie tells him. His baby self would hate him right now, or maybe be jealous that he dared to boldly flirt with him right now, Richie can’t decide.
“I know.”, Eddie states. His voice is kind of high, Richie seems to really flabbergasted the poor man. “I still don’t get it.”
“I never would have guessed, to be honest. It must have been hard.”, Ben says empathetically.
“I also never would have guessed that you’re so hot, Ben. Maybe I should’ve had a crush on you instead, to prevent Eddie from losing his mind by thinking too hard.”, Richie answers. He glances at Eddie again, who still kind of looks like someone took his inhalator and smashed it under their foot. Doesn’t look like he took the whole revelation as a compliment. Ouch.
“If any of you watched my show, you would have known. I mention it sometimes.” What’s with all his ‘ex boyfriends’ and homophobic squirrels he mentions. Yeah, homophobic squirrels, don’t ask, it’s a running gag. A good one at that, if Richie is allowed to brag.
“Anyways Ben, I figured you had a crush on someone different? Just a guess.”, Richie grins, and his grin gets a bit bigger when he sees him getting panicked. Well, he guesses Ben is smarter than him. “I don’t really–“
“Do we really do this now?”, Mike asks. “Discussing old crushes? I don’t feel like an adult anymore.”
“Arrest a man for trying to take the focus off of himself, officer. I’ve talked enough now; I want to hear something different than my own voice because I already do that as a job. Bill, I have to hear more about your writing process. Immediately, that is. How do you come up with so good ideas but write so depressing endings?”
Bill sighs, but he begins to talk, and that’s the main thing. And Richie tries to not look at Eddie that much anymore.
_______________
The hideout Ben built brings back memories. It nearly takes Richie’s breath away. This feels like… sweaty summer evenings with cold lemonade, freedom, too many touches with Eddie because this room is so small and Eddie made it even smaller, a hammock that was the subject of many of their bickering but oh so comfortable. He remembers several times when him and Eddie chilled in there, both too impatient to wait for their turn… or maybe, in Richie’s case, an excuse to be close to him. Sometimes, they even cuddled. Welp, he hopes Eddie doesn’t remember it as vividly as he does; that would make it kind of awkward now he knows about his past crush.
Past crush, that’s a good joke. Or actually a bad one. After It kindly welcomed them to Derry, Richie… kind of… remembered too much. He doesn’t even know adult Eddie… who is he kidding, he gets why he had a crush on him. Richie doesn’t know what it is, but he can’t look at Eddie enough, and so he tries not to look at him at all. He got beautiful, and that’s a cliché thing to say, but if Richie could erupt into singing a Disney song when he felt too much, to match the cliché-like theme, he would. He loves hearing him being pedantic or sarcastic, loves how he takes none of his shit.
He doesn’t love him having a wife, but if she makes Eddie happy, he’s not jealous. Really. It’s not like he’s good enough for him anyway, and that too is a cliché thing to say, damn it.
The memories of Stan get overwhelming. Richie… doesn’t do well with the whole topic. Suicide. Truth be told, he was in a bad state of mind for a long time. He occasionally still is, although he got better. But the loss of a friend that feels so alive in here is hard to swallow.
The more he remembers, the quieter he gets. It was easier to view this whole thing as a joke before, at least for Richie who only does important life choices sarcastically. He likes it that way, it takes pressure off of him. And now… he means, really: ‘Six old friends meet up to defeat a scary clown because they took a childhood oath too seriously’, that sounds like the beginning of a joke. But it’s not, it’s their life. The anxiety sneaks back, and it doesn’t feel very funny.
He doesn’t remember ever feeling as horrified as he felt when he heard Mike say ‘You have to come back, you swore it.’ And it gets harder to shrug this feeling off.
To divide the group so that everyone finds their 'totem' still feels like a stupid thing to do. He watched enough horror movies to know what happens if a group splits up. But apparently, that’s already decided, so Richie begins his obligatory walk through town.
He doesn’t even know where to go. His old family house is his best guess. Is there even anything in Derry that belongs to him or means something to him? (Something that is not alive?)
He only walks a few steps until Eddie catches up to him. “Can I join you for a few minutes?”, he asks, though it sounds more like a demand.
Richie makes a face. “Why?”
“You didn’t even want to split up. Why not? I have to go to the pharmacy. Don’t be stupid, just accompany me for a bit. You probably don’t even have anywhere to go.”, Eddie facepalms. “God, I can’t believe we’re doing this. We’re going to die. What am I going to tell Myra?”
“You don’t have to worry.”, Richie says.
“Of course I do. I hate this town.”, Eddie grumbles.
“I mean, about your wife. We’re definitely going to die. And when we die, it doesn’t matter what you told her.”
“You always were good at reassuring people.”, Eddie snorts.
Honestly, Eddie’s wife sounds more horrible the more he hears about her. And that’s not the jealousy, he’s doesn’t even… he’s not jealous. She just sounds like… well, Eddie’s mom. He doesn’t know what happened to Eddie after Derry because Eddie’s still very private, but his heart hurts a bit when he thinks about him having people in his life that are like his mom. Because Eddie’s mom was a paranoid, controlling walrus. Did Eddie never break free from that? Freedom was the best damn thing that ever happened to Richie.
They walk for a bit of time without saying a word, Richie’s brooding and Eddie already brought brooding to perfection so he’s just Eddie. Then, “So, did you think I was gay or something?”
“What?”, Richie asks flatly.
“Because you had a crush on me.”, Eddie says quietly.
“It’s not like I consciously decided who I had a crush on.” The more he remembers, the more the word ‘crush’ seems inappropriate. He was his first love, after all. It’s been more than 20 years, and he will lose sight of him again. This is pathetic.
“Yes, but why me?”, Eddie asks incredulously.
“Are you kidding?”, Richie laughs.
“Don’t act like that’s so weird. It’s not like people commonly have crushes on me.”
“Well, you’re kind of dense, it’s not like you would know.”, Richie teases.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You never really cared about what others said or thought. I guess if you were gay instead of me, you wouldn’t have let it faze you one bit, even back then.”
Eddie stiffens. “Really, I can’t believe that you are gay, Rich.”, he says.
“Why? Because I didn’t fit the stereotypes at first glance? I like rainbows, if that helps.”, Richie huffs. “Look, it wasn’t supposed to be a big thing, you’re blowing it out of proportions. I’m still just Richie Tozier, the same trashmouth from Derry you forgot about.”
Suddenly Eddie’s touching his arm and it kind of freaks Richie out. He really doesn’t know how to read his body language anymore. Eddie just puts his hand near his wrist, loosely but decisively, as if he’s a touchy-feely kind of guy. Which he’s not, not anymore at least. “That’s not it. I…” It’s clear Eddie has something to say but has difficulties doing so. “The memories are coming back. I’m. I’m not normally…” His voice breaks off again.
“Jesus, Eds, are you trying you reject me? Just stop, this is getting weird.” Richie really doesn’t know how to feel anymore. He just knows he doesn’t want to hear it, and he wishes he would have never told him.
Eddie looks conflicted. “I don’t care that you’re gay. I just want to tell you… I can’t say it. Sorry. I can’t.” He looks frustrated.
Richie stops walking and looks at him. His face softens. Whatever it is that he wants to tell him, Richie’s thankful that Eddie tried to say something that’s seemingly so difficult for him. “It’s okay, just let it go. We should split up anyway. The pharmacy’s near, and I think I know where to go now.”, he says quietly and shrugs off Eddie’s hand.
Eddie nods. “Okay. See you, asshole.”
“See you, sweet cheeks. Don’t worry, nothing will matter in a week when we are buried in the same town we were born in! Nothing’s lovelier that that.”
Eddie rolls his eyes.
_______________
He tried to fuck off and now Eddie has a hole in his cheek, and although Richie managed to accidentally be the knight in the shining armor and revenge him, he feels like it was his choice of actions that led to that. Maybe it’s the clown fucking with his head. The thought of Eddie nearly being killed is way too horrifying, not that being horrified is something new in this town or that Richie didn’t already have to cope with Eddie nearly being killed several times.
When he heard that Eddie stabbed Henry Bowers through a shower curtain with his own knife, he also may have gotten a little weak in the knees. Eddie’s unbelievable.
“Let’s kill this clown!”, Richie shouts, and they go down into the sewers.
When Richie lies on the floor, screaming at Eddie to take the knife while Eddie does nothing, he doesn’t feel as hyped up anymore. Not that he ever really has, but he thought they had a chance, considering the ritual Mike told them about. Now he’s not sure he would survive long enough.
But suddenly, Eddie is above him, pushing the now motionless monster-thingy away from him. Richie has never seen him that way, terrified and angry at the same time, like it was his own life that was on the line. “Richie, I’m sorry, I couldn’t move. I’m sorry.” Eddie reaches up to his face and cups his cheeks, and Richie doesn’t remember him being this close - not since they met again.
He forgets how to speak, only for a moment. “That was fucking badass.”, he says breathlessly. He’s just so relieved, the adrenaline in his veins makes him all light-headed. And Eddie’s so close, and Richie would love to kiss him right know, and this time he’s not so stupid to tell him that. Another plus!
Eddie looks like he’s going to cry, but he laughs instead while the others storm into the room.
Because of that, Eddie’s not hesitant to follow them deeper into the sewers.
Because of that, Eddie’s more determined and because of that, it sticks when Eddie stabs the damn clown.
_______________
Eddie didn’t kill It, but in Richie’s eyes he just as well could have. He made everyone believe again. Fuck, he was amazing. Richie can’t believe their luck, or preferably labeled, monster-hunting skills, as they stand in front of the crumbling house. He doesn’t even care what happens next. They made it. They fucking made it!
When they jump into the lake, Beverly’s the first. Of course. And Richie still feels kind of high on happiness, high enough to be the second one. The water is cold and he just dives under for a few seconds, to let the grime and blood wash away. When he surfaces and stands up on the lake ground, he’s a bit breathless. His curls are sticking to his forehead and he lost his glasses somewhere, but he thinks he’ll always remember this. Maybe even more so than the horror they’ve just endured. Although, he kind of wishes he could see.
“Did you ever hear of flesh-eating bacteria? Please don’t let any lake water get into your system. This is so unsanitary. We were very dumb children to do this, and I guess that's still the case as adults.”, Eddie’s voice drips with disgust, but it’s clear he’s not really upset. Everyone laughs, and Richie thinks Eddie did that intentionally. But most importantly, everyone seems to feel the same. It’s like they suddenly have an invisible connection to each other that wasn’t there before. Maybe they already felt it, back then.
Back then.
“I wish Stan was here.”, Bill says. He had a stutter when he talked about him before, but now his voice is firm and gentle.
Everyone becomes silent, while they imagine him being there with them. Richie still can’t handle the thought, because it’s so tragic, but he thinks it’s okay now. “Let’s remember him and each other. Do you think it will work this time?”, Beverly asks Mike. She stayed suspiciously close to Ben for the whole time they were in the lake.
“I think so.”, Mike sighs.
“Yeah, agreed… but can someone find my glasses? I can’t see.”, Richie says belatedly.
It warms his cold heart how the others begin to dive for them immediately. Really.
The only one who stays above the surface is Eddie. “I’m not going to do that.”, he snorts.
“C’mon, what are friends for?”, Richie swims towards him.
“I just saved your sorry life two times; I think I did my part.”
“What is my life without my glasses?”
“And what is your life without me? Would be just my luck to get infected just right after escaping the killer clown.”
Richie stops, and then laughs. This is probably a joke. He can't help but feeling the things he's feeling right now, though. “Well, I managed to survive without you, don’t know what I would do without my glasses. I hope that was an offer, though.”, he says, jumps forward and throws his arms around Eddie.
“Don’t –“, Eddie protests, but it’s too late and he loses his balance, pulling Richie with him into the cold water. "If I die, I will make the pastor call you everyday to remind you that it was your fault!", Eddie shouts when he gasps for air again, curls sticking on his fourhead. Richie nearly drowns out of laughter.
It should be the perfect moment.
Richie tries not to think about farewell yet. (Still can't wait to leave this goddamn town, though.)