Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

dick toaster added what the fuck richard, amgery, billiam fancypants, hot pocket, slut baby and ant ribs to the chat!

dick toaster named the chat losers club!

dick toaster: where the FUCK my boyfriend @

dick toaster: which one of yall has him

billiam fancypants: depends

billiam fancypants: which one u need

hot pocket: which one

slut baby: which one

ant ribs: which one

amgery: which one

what the fuck richard: which one

dick toaster: i fuckn hate yall shut up

dick toaster: i need the babie one

what the fuck richard: youre the babie boyfriend

dick toaster: no stanley, weve been over this, i cant be the babie boyfriend.

slut baby: and why not?

hot pocket: yeah like??? ur super babie rich

dick toaster: tf no im not

what the fuck richard: yes you are

amgery: yes you are

dick toaster: no!! im not!!!!!

amgery: yes you fucking are holy shit

what the fuck richard: now which one of us did you fucking want

dick toaster: well NOW i dont fuckn want EITHER of you

what the fuck richard: yes you do, richie

amgery: stop lying yes you do

dick toaster: :(

dick toaster: im feeling very bullied right now

billiam fancypants: as you should

ant ribs: aksjsj BILL

dick toaster: fuck OFF bill

amgery: jesus christ RICHIE

amgery: WHICH ONE

dick toaster: the short one

amgery: fuck you

amgery: here i was getting ready to leave wills for your stupid ass smh

amgery: now you get nothing

dick toaster: :(

dick toaster: fiiiine

dick toaster: stannnnnn

dick toaster: honeyyyyyyyyy

dick toaster: my loveeeeeeeeeeeee

what the fuck richard: no.

slut baby: im sorry but why the hell did you decide to make a whole group chat just to be gay KAJSJS

hot pocket: fr we was trying to take a nap but now my phone wont stop buzzn

ant ribs: this also makes me feel more single :(

dick toaster: sorry mike

dick toaster: (but also im not really that sorry)

dick toaster: my love for steddie should be heard by everyone all around the world!!! but since that's an unachievable goal, ill settle for yall hearing it

amgery: stop calling us that!! just use our actual names!!!

dick toaster: why? you let stan call us reddie

what the fuck richard: thats bc im not an obnoxious asshole about it

amgery: exactly

ant ribs: wow yall really going in on him today huh

dick toaster: fr i just needed eddie to come over so i could give him all the shit he left here on sunday but ig not

amgery: oh fuck right

amgery: nvm bb

amgery: ill be there in 10

amgery: with will...?

dick toaster: sure why not

dick toaster: the other dumbasses r gonna be here with mike later anyways

amgery: k ily see you soon

dick toaster: ilyyyy <3

amgery muted the chat!

what the fuck richard: yall a fucking MESS damn

what the fuck richard: i really chose to date two boys who share half a braincell huh

dick toaster: hehe

dick toaster: ilyt stan :)))) <3

what the fuck richard: yeah yeah

what the fuck richard: love you, asshole

dick toaster: !!! :))))))

billiam fancypants: goddamn im single

slut baby: AKSJSJLLS

Chapter Text

[Chat: losers club]

amgery: next up on Richie is a fucking dumbass who ignores all his allergies is...

amgery: him sitting here and eating a WHOLE extra cheesey pizza with chocolate milk and planning to go steal more pizza from mike

dick toaster: i also had a cream cheese bagel like an hr ago or smth hehe

what the fuck richard: once again

what the fuck richard: why am i dating two boys who share half a braincell

amgery: wtf stan i didnt do anything :((

what the fuck richard: you didn't stop him, did you?

amgery: ...

amgery: ur just mad that im here with rich and you arent :p

what the fuck richard: first of all...MY PARENTS HAVE ME DOING SHIT, SORRY

dick toaster: jewish shit?

what the fuck richard: for the last time richie my parents have me do other stuff besides just "jewish shit" i swear to GOD

what the fuck richard: moving on...

what the fuck richard: BITCH ion wanna be around him when he starts shitting his brains out lol

what the fuck richard: have fun with that luv :)

dick toaster: AKJSSJSJ OOP

amgery: FUCK YOU

slut baby: yall fuckn DISGUSTANG

billiam fancypants: okay that aside

billiam fancypants: stanley

what the fuck richard: yes?

billiam fancypants: i require your...services

ant ribs:

hot pocket: was abta send that damn

ant ribs: sorry bb

hot pocket: dw hun!

ant ribs: <3

what the fuck richard: n e ways...

what the fuck richard: for what

billiam fancypants: you know what

what the fuck richard: i really dont but if its what i think it is then no

billiam fancypants: cmon just ONE tiktok

what the fuck richard: GET FAMOUS ON YOUR OWN LOSER

billiam fancypants: I CANT CMON DUDE JUST ONE VIDEO

billiam fancypants: LITERALLY IT CAN BE ANYTHING

billiam fancypants: I WILL LITERALLY LET YOU PISS ON MY LEG AS LONG AS I GET TO FT YOU IN IT

what the fuck richard: BITCH AKSHSJ

what the fuck richard: IM NOT RICHIE YOU CANT TEMPT ME BY SAYING I CAN P I S S O N Y O U R L E G

dick toaster: wym im not tempted by that,,,

dick toaster: also why do you never ask ME to ft in your tiktoks i have fame too

billiam fancypants: noah fence but id rather die than be associated with you online thxs

dick toaster: you do realize by associating with stan youd be associating with me

dick toaster: lit rally every1 knows we're bfs

slut baby: tru,,,

slut baby: also i wanna b in ur tiktoks rich i just dont want that attention

ant ribs: ye same

dick toaster: yall the only two boys i trust

amgery: wtf

amgery: ???????

billiam fancypants: you have a point richie

billiam fancypants: nvm...i shall find someone else to get me famous

what the fuck richard: wait really?

what the fuck richard: all you needed was that and now youre gonna leave me alone?

what the fuck richard: damn i been dealing with your bullshit for months now and for WHAT?

amgery: you could always get in on lucas' fame

hot pocket: or max's shes got hella followers

billiam fancypants: shit u right

billiam fancypants: omw to become max's sk8er boi

billiam fancypants has muted the chat!

dick toaster: okay nobody tell bill max is at my house with mike and el i wanna see him wander around town for hrs looking for her

hot pocket: wanna say ur a dick but fr? he deserves it.

ant ribs: tru

ant ribs: also max will literally never make a tiktok with him anyways asjsjk

slut baby: also tru

slut baby: tragic

Chapter Text

[Chat: losers club]

dick toaster: okay losers

dick toaster: i have a surprise for yall but i need someones house to host the surprise at

dick toaster: "host" meaning pls just lemme in then everyone else can come over and i can give yall lovely gifts and then we can just fuck off for the rest of the afternoon or woteva

ant ribs: hmm

ant ribs: whats the surprise?

billiam fancypants: we can prolly do it at my place

billiam fancypants: gotta ask georgie first tho

dick toaster: GEORGIES HOME??

dick toaster: LEMME AT EM!!! TELL HIM PAPA RICH IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!

billiam fancypants: NO FUCK YOU

slut baby: ha

slut baby: i like the implication that richie would also be bills dadajsksk

billiam fancypants: NO

slut baby: i especially like it bc it would also imply that your dad snatched ur mans

what the fuck richard: SHUTTHEFUCKUPBENAJSKSKS

hot pocket: no no please continue baby

slut baby: hehe okay then-

ant ribs: wait i would still like to know the surprise

amgery: i would also like to know!!

dick toaster: well it wouldnt b a surprise if i told yall now would it be?

what the fuck richard: richie just,,, lmk

what the fuck richard: jew to jew babeyyy

hot pocket: god why do you sound like him now tf

hot pocket: i litreally had to do a double take

what the fuck richard: you gotta speak his language sometimes to get what you want

what the fuck richard: sacrifices must be made 🤷

what the fuck richard: including my dignity, apparently...

dick toaster: FUCK OFF STANLEY

dick toaster: now im DEFINETLY not telling

amgery: rich pls 🥺

dick toaster: fuck

dick toaster: fuck fuck fuck

dick toaster: no :(

amgery: 🥺🥺🥺

dick toaster: s t o p

amgery: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

dick toaster: FINE JUST PLS STOP

amgery: :)

ant ribs: sir,,,sir-

slut baby: THEYR E JUST EMOJIS DUDE EYE-

billiam fancypants: i have never met a weaker man in my life i swear to GOD

hot pocket: oh stop clowning him yall

hot pocket: its not his fault that hes been head over heels for eddie since birth

dick toaster: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIM UNTIL LIKE,, 1ST GRADE?

hot pocket: AND?

what the fuck richard: i mean...did she lie?

dick toaster: hey ur supposed to be on my side :(

what the fuck richard: no sorry im on eddies side and eddies side only

what the fuck richard: if ur arguing with anyone else than im completely impartial

what the fuck richard: actually wait

what the fuck richard: if ur arguing with anyone BESIDES bill than im completely impartial

what the fuck richard: if its bill then im on ur side and its ON SIGHT

dick toaster: AJDJDKS

dick toaster: BRO I CANT EVEN BE MAD ABOUT THAT ONE FUCJCKCJK

dick toaster: n e ways the surprise is new friendship bracelets hehe :)

amgery: oh fuck :(((

amgery: and the richie babie agenda is pushed once again

amgery: babie richie stans RISE

hot pocket: i have RISEN

slut baby: i am UP

ant ribs: ive risen so high my feet arent even touching the GROUND

what the fuck richard: fuck i was gonna say that 😞

ant ribs: damn sorry stan

dick toaster: hehe that rymed

hot pocket: okay okay but also what new friendship bracelets

hot pocket: i never had one to begin with?

dick toaster: IK!

dick toaster: whcih is why i made new ones!

dick toaster: bc stan eds and bill have braceletes from when we were kids! but i had to make more for yall! and theirs are old and dirty and barely fit so they get new ones too!

billiam fancypants: thats cute and all but,, imma still wear my old one too lol

dick toaster: BILL 🥺🥺🥺

dick toaster: MY HEART JUST BORSTED

amgery: we all wearing them still duh

amgery: right stan?

what the fuck richard: of course rich

what the fuck richard: mine isnt even dirty anyways just small

dick toaster: its not even that small on you baby you have tiny wrists

dick toaster: like tinier than eds and thats saying something bc hes literally like,, almost a foot shorter than you now :/

amgery: okay one

amgery: fuck off

amgery: two

amgery: ur rite :/

what the fuck richard: its not my fault i got tall damn

what the fuck richard: also rich ur still taller than me and ur wrists are proably just as small

dick toaster: touche...

amgery: i also just have chubby wrists lol

dick toaster: tru!! you have chubby everything its cute 🥺

amgery: shut upppp

dick toaster: AM I WRONG THO?

dick toaster: DID I LIE?

what the fuck richard: no lies detected here, none at all

hot pocket: gag

hot pocket: not to break this up or anything but take it to ur own chat and stfu

hot pocket: i want my bracelet NOW so get ur ass over to bills

ant ribs: agreed

dick toaster: yes ma'am!

billiam fancypants: i,,

billiam fancypants: okay :/

dick toaster: :)

dick toaster: see yall in 10!!

slut baby: fuck yeahhh

ant ribs: got it!

hot pocket: kk <3

what the fuck richard: omw now

amgery: also omw

billiam fancypants: door will b unlocked ig

dick toaster: kk! ily billy!!! <3

billiam fancypants: ...

billiam fancypants: <3

Chapter Text

[Chat: losers club]

dick toaster: yall,,,

dick toaster: i havent been hate crimed in like,,,,

dick toaster: a WEEK

ant ribs: thats great rich :))

dick toaster: so imma need someone to call me a slur immediately

ant ribs: oh,,

ant ribs: nvm

amgery: i-

amgery: richie no

what the fuck richard: *k slurs u*

hot pocket: WTFHASJHDSJS

amgery: STANLEY NO

what the fuck richard: *f slurs u*

amgery: STAN WTF

dick toaster: STAN THE MAN!!!

dick toaster: I AM IN LUVV WIF YOU!!!!!

billiam fancypants: I HATE THIS FUCKN CHAT I S W E A R

hot pocket: in this world there are three types of people: the people who refuse to call their bf slurs, the people who will censor themselves when calling their bf slurs and the ones who will walk up to their bfs and lovingly call them slurs

dick toaster: okay but in MY defense

dick toaster: once u get over the internalized homophobia and general trauma surrounding all that shit u just cannot help but to scream slurs at everyone to assert ur dominance

billiam fancypants: literally nobody else does that but okay

dick toaster: shut the fuck up bill

dick toaster: also neither of them give a shit

dick toaster: eddie literally called me a fag yesterday for squirting hand sanitizer onto his couch

amgery: tru

dick toaster: and stan calls me a fag at least once a week as well

what the fuck richard: also tru

hot pocket: yalls dynamic wack asf but i cant even say anything bc we all do this to each other 😞

ant ribs: okay now that thats been uh,,

ant ribs: resolved (?)

ant ribs: where actually is bowers gang tho i havent seen any of them in a hot min and as refreshing as that is,, its fuckn freaky

slut baby: fr tho

slut baby: like dont get me wrong im curretnly thriving but also

slut baby: wtf

billiam fancypants: yeah idk

billiam fancypants: i think i mightve saw belch at the beginning of the week but thats about it

dick toaster: lol what if they dead

hot pocket: ah yes richie they all just up and fuckn died

hot pocket: all of them, in the same week, just died.

dick toaster: okay okay no need to be sarcastic with me marsh

dick toaster: it would be kinda sick if they did like,, all dissapear for good tho ajsksk

what the fuck richard: and thats on what?

amgery: GOD.

Chapter Text

[Chat: losers club]

billiam fancypants: [link]

billiam fancypants: HLEPHELPIVE BEEN LAUGHNG FOR THELAST FIVEHHFCUKIBG MINUTESJAJSKSJ

what the fuck richard: OHMY GOD WAJTNO THEYRE RIFHT AJSJSJKS

billiam fancypants: IKR

amgery: SHUT UPSHUTAAJSH

hot pocket: THECALLOYT THE CALLOUT FUCKKKK

slut baby: they really went there holy shit

ant ribs: not @ how all the comments on the vid r just "wait hes JEWISH" 🤡🤡🤡

dick toaster: wait whats the video im in therapy rn i cant check it :(

amgery: richie: "im in therapy i cant check it" also richie: reads gc while in therapy

dick toaster: WHORE!!! SHUT!!!!!!

dick toaster: im only in the waiting room rn!!! but i dont have headphones on me!!!!!

amergy: mmm sure

dick toaster: >:-[

hot pocket: oh shush u 2

hot pocket: i can see bens typing hes probs making u an explanation rn rich

slut baby: am

slut baby: giv un second more

hot pocket: :)

slut baby: [video description] person enters frame with green buzzcut and cool goth makeup, wearing a disturbed croptop and yellow, high waisted plaid jeans. person starts doing the renegade before singing, in tune with the song, "richie tozier sure does put the ish in jewish". video ends with picture of richie calling himself a jew bastard on his ig story while pushing up his nose to look like a pig

dick toaster: OHMY GOD FUCK OFF

billiam fancypants: not @ how ben made the desc like an Actual Audio Description for blind people

billiam fancypants: damn rich i knew u had shit eyes but i didnt know it was that bad 😞

dick toaster: SHUTUPBILL

dick toaster: wait but actually thats funny sum1 log into my acc pls and duet with a bunch of pictures of me at my bar mitzvah so every1 knows i am Actually Jewish

dick toaster: im not tryna get cancelled again 🤡

hot pocket: lbr it WILL happen again

ant ribs: wait waht u got cancelled im-

dick toaster: oh shit yea forgot u like. never use tiktok lol

dick toaster: sry mikey!!

ant ribs: lmao its fine

ant ribs: just tell me now :)

dick toaster: okeyyy

what the fuck richard: oh god this again

dick toaster: shhh stanley shh

dick toaster: SO. last month eddie did a tiktok live downstairs in the room that the party uses for dnd and in the backgroun me mike el and stan r jus vibin, talking shit and mike had this fuckn cup of pink lemonade or smth i dont remember

what the fuck richard: was definitely pink lemonade

dick toaster: OKAY YEAH SO MIKE HAD THIS PINK LEMONADE

dick toaster: and of course his dumbass cannot do anything without making a mess 

dick toaster: so he just. proceeded to spill the entire thing on my shirt and crotch :)

ant ribs: okay...?

dick toaster: and then my immediate response was to yell u stupid fuckn tranny like the absolute dumb bitch i am :))))

ant ribs: okay.....?

ant ribs: still dont know why u were cancelled

amgery: richie wasnt out yet so him yelling the t slur on one of my livestreams where plenty of people were watching was not a hot look

amgery: but obvs literally none of us were thinking abt that since he does it all the time so we just acted like it was nothing until richie was getting cancelled like 20 minutes later

ant ribs: OH

ant ribs: goddamn yall a hot mess

dick toaster: tru 😞

dick toaster: to be fair tho! i had never even mentioned having a twin on tiktok until that live so they really shouldve expected this from me

slut baby: fuck ur a trainwreckajsjsk

dick toaster: ik 😞😞😞

billiam fancypants: dude didnt even make an apology or explanation either he just did a video with mike like the day after where they t posed in their binders and boxers for a minute

dick toaster: yes i did!!

dick toaster: i explaianed in the caption!! it said "i tranny"!!!! is that not enough for u, billiam? IS IT NOT???

billiam fancypants: FUCK OFF THAT BALREY COUNTS

what the fuck richard: anyways! im making ur bar mitzvah tiktok, in case u were wondering

what the fuck richard: there will also be a bonus photo of u kissing my cheek on the steps after mine :)

dick toaster: AWH BABY 🥺🥺🥺

dick toaster: MWAH ILY STANNY!!!

amgery: sometimes...just SOMETIMES......my boyfriends make me Very Soft 😞

slut baby: "sometimes" sure jan...

hot pocket: "sometimes" u sure abt that

ant ribs: "sometimes" my ass

billiam fancypants: "sometimes" okayyyy

what the fuck richard: bitch its all the time stfu

dick toaster: what stan said

amgery: i.

amgery: i hate this fucking chat, no cap.

Chapter Text

rich xo: stan

rich xo: stannnnn

stanny <3: ya bubs?

rich xo: can u come over? pls

stanny <3: yeah baby, rn?

rich xo: yaya

rich xo: dont tell eds tho pls

stanny <3: why not? why do u just want me over?

stanny <3: not that i mind ofc

rich xo: mmm

rich xo: having a bit of an rsd moment tbh

rich xo: but i dont wanna tell eddie that bc ik he will feel bad even tho its like. entirely not his fault and its just my brain sucking

rich xo: but knowing that isnt making my brain Stop doing the thing so

stanny <3: ohhh okay

stanny <3: do u wanna tell me what happened? its gonna be a few minutes til ma can drive me over, sorry <3

rich xo: its okay <333

rich xo: he just. okay i was being kinda annoying earlier tbh like i was just spamming him bc im an attention whore ofc

rich xo: and when he responded it was just like typical "stfu ur so annoying" shit so like it Should Not Bother me

rich xo: but then he didnt reply when i kept messaging him after that

rich xo: and i thought he was probably busy or smth but then he was msging the gc so idk

rich xo: like he doesnt HAVE to respond to me esp when i was just msging him to be a twat but u know how i feel about being ignored even if its not supposed to mean anything

rich xo: like it just. always makes me feel like they fucking hate me now even if its clearly not true

rich xo: and ik he probably just hasnt responded bc there isnt anything else to say besides telling me to shut up again but idk

rich xo: it isnt even like its uncommon for him to leave me on read i think its just specifically bc i was being annoying and now he hasnt answered me that my dumb fuckn brain is like "oh well now he hates u!"

stanny <3: ahhh okay, gotcha

stanny <3: im sry that u feel like that hun

stanny <3: but i think u should probs tell him what u just told me?

stanny <3: or even just that being left on read in general makes u anxious

stanny <3: doesnt have to be rn but we both know eddie wouldnt hurt u on purpose and if he knew you felt that way about being left on read he wouldnt do it, esp not when ur trying to be annoying in like. an affectionate way lol

rich xo: ik but like. it feels so fuckn stupid

rich xo: like the only reason u know is bc we've been best friends for our whole fucking lives basically

rich xo: ive told u everything and then some even when i didnt really want to tell anyone

rich xo: and like ya eddie knows almost as much as u do but i still feel anxious telling him

rich xo: and if i tell eds i also have to tell the other losers i think

rich xo: bc its not rly fair to expect him to always text me back but not the rest of our friends

stanny <3: i get what u mean but rich, he is our boyfriend. i think it makes sense to expect more from him (and me) than u do from our other friends

stanny <3: and i dont think he will be upset if you just ask him to do this

stanny <3: i dont think any of our friends would be upset either, but if you really dont wanna ask them, then u should at least ask eddie to do this for you

stanny <3: bc im sure he'd be happy to make you feel more comfortable

stanny <3: omw now btw

rich xo: okey <3

rich xo: but ya like. i know realistically ur right. and i should do smth about it. but i dont think i will

rich xo: not rn at least

rich xo: just wanna cuddle with u and get all the bad feelies out and then maybe i can message eds?

rich xo: it feels unfair to not tell him tbh i just also. feel kinda embarrassed even thinking about telling him this shit

rich xo: and i think it would be worse if he then felt bad

stanny <3: ya i know what u mean, but its probably best if you do tell him sooner rather than later

stanny <3: i can help u draft up a message if u want?

rich xo: yus pls <33333

stanny <3: okay baby, will do o7

stanny <3: boutta pull onto ur street so come open the door!!!

rich xo: yassss okay luv u see u in a sec xoxo

stanny <3:  love you too bubs mwah mwah

rich xo: MWAH

Chapter Text

dick toaster: i mightve spoken too soon about not getting hatecrimed for awhile…

hot pocket: oh girl…

hot pocket: what happened now rich :( u okay?

what the fuck richard: yeah seriously what bev said

what the fuck richard: where tf are you dude

dick toaster: [image]

billiam fancypants: BITCHJ???

dick toaster: no big dawgs :3 just a black eye nothing a little ice and some luvn cant fix

amgery: yeah well in order to get EITHER of those things u have to tell us where the hell you are

dick toaster: ohhh yeah lol i forgor

ant ribs: “no big” and he looks like he just got his nose rebroken oooookay

dick toaster: noooo i prommy i know what that feels like

dick toaster: am at the back entrance of the caf but i don't need all of u fuckers showing up just send in my beautiful beautiful amazing stunning boyfriends

what the fuck richard: okay okay we’re coming love just hang tight

dick toaster: hanging!

amgery: ill stop by the nurse and ask for some extra acetaminophen

slut baby: even when u get the shit beat out of u its always eds this stanley that…dedication

dick toaster: thats love my dear!

dick toaster: anyways everyone beware. Be Aware. repressed homosexual 1 & 2 have returned and im sure the others are somewhere

hot pocket: ya know even if youre right about the repressed homosexual bit, id rather not think about it!

billiam fancypants: they don't deserve to be one of us……

what the fuck richard: so true and real but unfortunately that is Not how that works

billiam fancypants: don't remind me

ant ribs: at least were like. almost free of them

ant ribs: like half way thru our year, once they graduate it wont be as bad right

ant ribs: RIGHT????

slut baby: lets hope and pray bc we fr need it

slut baby: idk if i have another few months of patience in me let alone years

what the fuck richard: u and me both dude

what the fuck richard: richie’s got blood all over his teeth and he refuses to spit it out bc “its supposed to be inside him”

dick toaster: only way im getting rid of it is if u kiss meeeee

amgery: i leave for like 2 minutes and youre trying to force feed stan ur bloody spit? jesus fuck u freak

dick toaster: you looooove meeeee

dick toaster: right 🥺

amgery: yes yes i love you but youre still gross

amgery: like think of all the blood borne diseases

dick toaster: im thinking and im thinking andddd

dick toaster: i still think i deserve a kiss

what the fuck richard: just spit out the blood and i will kiss you oh my god

dick toaster: fiiiine...yay (disappointed but satiated)

billiam fancypants: i feel like im watching a pg 13 version of hannibal

ant ribs: pls don't start psychologically torturing each other <3

amgery: don't give him any ideas

dick toaster: if anything we’d jennifers body duhhhh

hot pocket: nobody can do jennifers body except jennifers body

hot pocket: yall could do…offbrand, less interesting yellowjackets

ant ribs: so the wilds?

what the fuck richard: DONT SLANDER THE WILDS

amgery: AND DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS!!!!!

dick toaster: i have an ideaaaaa

amgery: GODDAMNIT