Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Evan stared out his window, watching as the moon dropped lower and lower. He couldn’t go to sleep. He couldn’t go to sleep; not when there were so many thoughts rushing in and out of his head. Not when Jared snored quietly behind him, wrapped up in his favorite childhood blanket, littered with tiny stars and planets. Not when he was hopelessly in love with the boy.

Evan let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, carefully shifting to face Jared, cautious not to wake him.

The brunette still had his glasses on his face, having passed out while they both watched Coraline. Evan had taken the opportunity to gently lay the blanket on him and the unconscious boy had approved unknowingly, a small grin on his face as he hugged the fabric closer to him. Evan had felt the strong urge to wrap his arms around his so-called “family friend”, but he knew better, afraid of Jared waking and finding himself in that position. He really didn’t wanna put up with more teasing.

But he was stuck. As soon as Evan laid his eyes on Jared, he couldn’t rip them away. The moonlight seeping through the window behind him seemed to find the perfect angle to show off the glasses-wearing dork. The other boy’s cocoa-colored hair fell in front of his eyes, which were screwed shut, evidence he was fast asleep. What totally and utterly stopped the function of poor Evan Hansen’s brain was Jared’s lips. They were parted slightly and seemed to silently plead for him to press his own against them. Evan blushed at the thought alone, hesitantly brushing the boy’s hair out of his face, being the unintentionally creepy boy he was.

A crease appeared between Jared’s brows, startling Evan when a small huff came from the other’s mouth. And then his eyelids fluttered open, and Evan was suddenly able to admire the bluish-brownish-greenish color of Jared’s eyes. Jared’s hand came out of the blanket for a moment, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It was then that he probably noticed Evan’s gaze on him.

“..Can’t sleep, Hansen..?”

Jared’s words came slow and hesitant, as if unsure of what to make of this situation. The blonde boy’s eyes widened, quickly pulling his hand away as soon as he realized what it must’ve looked like, face scarlet. He hoped the dim light helped disguise his flusteredness. He ended up just nodding slightly, fearing his voice could fail him.

He could do it. He could do it right now. Tell Jared how he had become so infatuated with him that he couldn’t function normally with him any longer. How Jared’s dorky smirk stopped him in his tracks every morning he greeted him, and the fact he was probably the first one to see it every day made his heart soar.

Jared looked up at Evan as his lips parted to say something. The brunette’s face was so soft at that moment, no trace of malice or cockiness. It was the real Jared, the Jared that hadn’t morphed himself to abide unspoken social rules. It was just Jared. Just Jared, patiently waiting for a response.

But Evan didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say it. For obvious reasons. Jared was straight. He hooked up with a girl at that camp or something. Plus, Jared could never be with someone like him.

And just as fast as he had woken up, Jared’s expression changed to something of amusement, and his whole demeanor seemed to shift in an instant. Evan got the hint. His walls were up. He lost his chance. Again.

“What’s the matter, Hansen? Cat got your tongue?” He murmured, grinning cheekily. When Evan just let his eyes drop to the fabric of his sheets, Jared sat up, surveying the scene of popcorn littered on the bed, the TV still frozen on the scene where the rats were performing. “Geez, my glasses are still on...” He muttered as he mussed at his own hair.

“Shit. It’s four am?” Jared cursed as he glanced at Evan’s alarm clock. “I’ve got to run, I told my mom I’d be home by..” He trailed off when Evan suddenly shot up, grasping at Jared’s arm.

“Wait. Can- can you stay? You can stay over like.. like you used to? I-I can tell your mom in the morning I asked. I’ll deal with it if- if you get in trouble or anything.” The words spilled from Evan without a second thought, eyes wide and pleading. “Please?”

Jared stared up at Evan curiously. Evan took that look as a “I'm trying to figure out how to let you down the easiest way possible”, face and sagged slightly. “I.. I mean, you.. you don’t have t-“

“Ev, no- no, I can stay.” Jared interrupted, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder and giving him the most gentle smile Evan had ever witnessed.

They soon found themselves laying down again. And Evan was impossibly grateful when Jared didn’t mention how weird it was when the blonde wrapped his arms around him, instead curling up slightly to be a proper little spoon. Evan had never drifted asleep so quickly.

Chapter Text

“But, like, trees- they’re actually scientifically proven to lower stress levels and such. They say it’s something with, um, biophilia? That’s our, like, natural affinity to nature.” Evan spoke, every word sure and concrete as they walked the Hansen trail at Ellison park.

Yes, Evan had worked his butt off so much that they dedicated a trail to him.

Yes, Evan was currently buzzing with joy.

Yes, Jared was captivated with how carefree and excited his family friend was being.

“But there are other things to consider- trees release certain chemicals phytoncides..” Evan’s words slowly became white noise, because he noticed that a small ray of sunlight peaking through the tree shone at just the right angle on Evan’s face and he forgot how to breathe.

You know how light will hit someone’s hair and somehow it’ll look completely different but in the best way possible? Evan’s hair did that alot. From dirty blonde to a pastel honey. Evan generally had that “different” effect a lot without the light, too. Evan was different. In a good way. In a really, really good way.

And his freckles? God- his freckles. He could see them so clearly now, and he felt the familiar tug in his heart urge him to go ahead, kiss his face a million times until he was sure he’d covered each and every one of those tinted speckles.

“...Jared?” Hearing his own name snapped him out of his lovey-dovey trance. “Hm? Yeah, acorn?” Jared shook his head, gathering himself before looking back up at the blonde. He noticed that Evan had stopped short a few steps ahead of him. “Was I talking too much-? Gosh- I’m sorry. Oh- wow. That’s.. That’s breathtaking.” The taller boy breathed, and for a moment, just a moment his gaze flitted towards the shorter boy and it seemed as if he were talking about Jared, and his cheeks flushed.

“..the sun’s setting already, I can’t believe I’ve been talking this long,” Evan checked his small blue fitbit (which Jared had saved up from his part time job to buy for his birthday, excusing his thoughtfulness by telling him his mom had bought it so he could gift it), shaking his head. Jared whipped his head around to see that, yes, indeed, the sun was beginning to touch the horizon line. Of course he wouldn’t be complimenting Jared.

“Ev, look, you’re good. Tree facts are cool.” Jared reassured once he recovered from the small pang in his heart, not wanting to dampen Evan’s mood. Evan seemed to be startled by this, and something in the shorter boy’s stomach turned, knowing full well that Evan was just surprised that he hadn’t thrown back a snarky remark. He must have had a questionable expression on his face, because Evan quickly jumped to say something.

“I- Tree facts are.. yeah. They’re.. they’re awesome.” He offered a hesitant grin that completely melted Jared’s heart. “I even know some myself.” He announced, catching Evan completely off guard. “Really?” Jared nodded proudly as they began walking once more.

“Did you know that the average adult oak tree can drop ten thousand acorns every year?” He said, Evan’s eyebrows raising that Jared, in fact, did know a couple intriguing ones. They started walking again, Evan looking onward at the brunette to continue.

Jared was quiet for a moment, before breaking the momentary silence with, “Yeah, uh, that’s.. that's all I got.” Evan snorted, because of course Evan would snort at his feeble attempt to conversate on a topic he liked, but it didn’t even matter because the noise was adorable and he wouldn’t have changed it for the world. As they were walking, Jared’s hand brushed Evan’s and he felt the familiar jolt in his heart.

“Um, your.. your hand.” Evan suddenly blurted out, tentatively grasping it in his. Jared was sure his face was bright pink, but he refused to let his expression to shift. “It’s.. it’s really cold.” He murmured, and it was true, and Evan’s hands were warm. “Y-yeah.. thanks…” Jared manages to squeak out. He didn’t let go, and slowly his heart slowed to almost-normal.

Another comfortable minute passed with neither of them speaking, just the satisfying crunch of fall leaves accompanied by the frequent whoosh of the wind. But it was different. There was a sort of, tension hanging in the air? Like, he should confess something. Jared knew exactly what to he should say. He’d rehearsed the scenario in his mind hundreds of times over the years. He even came up with an easy transition from the topic they were talking about.

“Hey, this is unrelated to tree facts but like, it’s still a fact- the fact is, I’ve been in love with you the moment your dorky face peeked nervously from behind your mom eight years ago, brace face and all.”

Jared’s mind had a silent mental battle- no, not battle, mental war. He constantly got to the edge of giving in and speaking up, but then his brain remembered, oh yeah? You wanna tell him how you’ve been creepily pining over him these years? Quick! explain why you’ve basically been bullying him to the point he has traumatic panic attacks about them now. Not to mention the fact he’s the straightest boy you’ve ever met. The fact you even thought you had a chance- god you’re pathetic.

By the time he opened his mouth to finally do it, finally say it, Evan pulled his hand away from his own and exclaimed, “Hey! We’re at the end!! It loops around so, there’s your car!” grinning at Jared, his eagerness unknowingly squeezing his heart painfully.

“Oh, uh, yeah. You can.. you can go ahead and get in. I kind of, need, some more fresh air?” Jared spoke. It took everything in him not to let his speech wobble in the slightest. Concern etched the blonde’s expression. Before he could open his mouth to ask, though, Jared interrupted. “I’m fine, just.. yeah. I’m okay.” He reassured, volunteering an uneasy smile. Evan slowly nodded, walking towards the car and hopping in after he’d pressed the unlock button on his connected key.

Jared turned away from the vehicle, gazing at the colorful leaves and watching as they blurred together. Almost. You almost said it. He only realized he was crying when he noticed his glasses fog up. But it was okay. This was okay. He wouldn’t want to change things for the worse, after all. It was only a few tears, luckily, and he managed to pull himself together and stride towards his car, where an oblivious Evan Hansen awaited worriedly, turning around in his seat to face the front after boring holes into Jared’s back once he saw he wasn’t breaking down or anything.

Jared hopped in the drivers seat, strapping himself in. Evan was completely silent, and Jared knew it was because he was so worried that he was afraid if he said something wrong it’d set Jared off or something. So the brunette threw a smirk his way and just said, “You up for hot cocoa at my place, or what?”