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It takes him a moment to recognize the feeling of his little brother's hand tightening around his own. Lan Xichen wakes up immediately, relief washing over him. Wanji was finally awake. The feeling is quickly washed away at the sight of Wanji's tear-filled eyes and smile. Lan Xichen looks where Wanji's eyes lead him: the corner of the room.

"W-Wanji?"

"Brother. H-He's here."

It took all of his willpower to quell the panic growing deep inside him.

Everything hurts. My back, my legs, and my arms were all filled with a dull ache. But it's my heart that hurt the most. It feels heavy in my chest. 

I feel completely empty.

Where had I gone wrong? I had tried to do as much as I could, but it hadn't been enough. Not nearly enough. I should have pressed harder. I should have visited more. I shouldn't have requested his presence to the One-Month celebration. I shouldn't have sent that letter...

I tried to open my eyes. They felt as if they had been sealed shut. But, with a painful amount of effort, my lids opened. The light of day had gone down. A flash of blue caught the corner of my eye. Brother was fast asleep holding my hand. 

But it wasn't all of my fault. Brother was to blame as well. And the entirety of the Lan Sect, and Jiang Wanyin, and Jin Zixuan, and Jin Guangshan, and...

The escalating rise of anger almost scared me. There was no use in blaming others. Not now. And Brother had tried his best as well. I looked away and stared at the opposite wall in some attempt to calm my temper down.

Wei Ying was dead and gone. There were no traces of his body and I could no longer fight that fact. 

I brought up all of him that I had always tried so hard to memorize. The curve of his face, the shine of his hair, the width of his shoulders, his smile... Suddenly, it was like he was right in front of me. I can hear his laugh. 

"W-Wanji?" Brother's voice felt far away compared to Wei Ying's laugh ringing in my ears. 

"Brother. H-He's here." 

"Lan Zhan!"

"Wanji, there's no one there. It's just us."

"Did you see the rabbits? They're so cute!"

"Mn."

"Lan Zhan? Are you crying?"  I shook his head in response. "Haha! You are! You are!"

"Wanji? Do you need something?"

"Do you feel guilty?"

"Y-Yes."

"Water? Do you need water?"

"Very guilty."

"Wanji?"

"Why Lan Zhan?"

"I wasn't there. You needed me, and I wasn't there." My cheeks felt wet.

"Why weren't you there for me Lan Zhan? Why?"  Wei Ying's smile was gone. It was replaced with a look of deep sadness.

"I-I tried-"

"Did you? Did you really Hanguang-Jun?" Wei Ying's eyes flashed red and his voice had gone dangerously low. Desperate, my body lurched forward. I needed to tell Wei Ying-and myself-how much I had tried to keep him safe, but my brother's hands stopped me.

"Wanji! Stop this! There's no one there!"

"Brother! Let me go!" I pushed him aside and in my need to reach-touch-Wei Ying, I toppled to the floor. Searing pain shot up and down my body and it took all of my self-control to stifle the scream at my throat. Stabilizing my breath, I began to crawl. My brother didn't matter. Wei Ying did. And Wei Ying was in pain. It's my duty to always, always help Wei Ying. 

"Wei Ying! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I-I tried and..." Brother wrapped me up in his arms. Normally, it would have given me a feeling of home, but now, he was getting in my way. Wei Ying was so close... 

"Wanji! Wanji. Wanjiwanjiwanji." My brother spoke in my ear. "It's okay. It's all okay. I'm here for you." I struggled against him, but failed miserably. The pain in my back was like nothing I had ever experienced. If I can't manage to even go to him now, how can I possibly expect to protect him?

"Wei Ying, w-where are you now?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"I'll protect you this time!" I tried to stretch my arm out to grab hold of his dark robes, his hand, anything. "Please...!"

"Hmm."

"Forgive me! I'll do anything! Please, Wei Ying, please!"

"Wanji!" My brother's rocking motion increased and his grip on me tightened. "Wanji, please stop this!"

"You promise to protect me?"

"Yes!"

"Wherever and whenever?"

"Yes!"

"Even at the risk of your own life?"

"I'll risk it! Anything! Please let me follow you!"

"Wanji!"

"Alright! Don't be too long, Lan Zhan!"

"I-I'll be right behind you!" Wei Ying disappeared. "Wei Ying! Wei Ying..." There was a prick on my shoulder and everything went black. 

Come back...

Minutes after Lan Xichen sedated his brother, Lan Qiren rushed in, followed by some nurses.

"What is-Wanji!" Lan Qiren hurried over to his nephews. "Xichen! What is going on?" Lan Xichen couldn't find it in himself to speak. What could he say? "Well?"

"I-I don't know, Uncle." Lan Qiren sighed and took Wanji out of Lan Xichen's hands. 

"He reopened his wounds." Lan Xichen watched his uncle's brow furrow and felt an inexplicable feeling of anger bubble up inside him. Unsure of how to deal with it, he just watched as his uncle and the other disciple's tended to the lacerations on his brothers back. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, before slowly walking over to where his brother lay. 

"I can take care of the rest, Uncle. I think it would be best if you left now."

"Hm. If you wish." He gave his nephew a long, hard look before turning away, the disciples on his heels. Lan Xichen turned back to his sleeping brother. Wanji's words echoed in his mind: 'I'll protect you this time.' Protect? Were his brother's feeling so strong that he would go so far as to take his own life? 

Lan Xichen recalled that his father had at one time attempted to protect his mother. But from what exactly? Himself? The Lan Sect? The cultivation world? Was his protection not misguided and ultimately unfair towards his mother and-

Unfair.

It dawned on Lan Xichen how unfair it had all been. His brother understood Wei Wuxian's situation more than anyone else and saw him as innocent. More than that, Wanji loved him, but he was forced to watch the man he treasured fall apart at the hands of the entire cultivation world. No, it hadn't been Lan Xichen's brother being misguided in the spur of the moment. It was everyone else, hadn't it? 

Jin Guangshan, the Yao sect, Jiang Wanyin, even his own esteemed Uncle Lan Qiren.

But, could he truly be angered towards his uncle, when he himself had contributed just as much to Wei Wuxian's death and ultimately the pain in his brother's heart? He would probably never know the true extent of how his actions had affected his brother, but after what he had just witnessed, Lan Xichen suddenly understood his father's actions and his brother's half-crazed words.

Lan Xichen would heal his brothers back, bring him food during his isolation, tell him about the progress of his child, inform him of night hunts...

Lan Xichen would protect his brother, even if it was from his own mind.

I'll protect you this time...