Archive of Our Own ^beta

"No, it's ok Alex, I understand, I'll see you when you get home,"

Kara was trying her absolute hardest not to let herself feel negatively about this

It was hardly the first time Alex had cancelled on her and she knew it wasn't her sister's fault

With everything that had happened lately, especially after the Crisis, ofcourse Alex was needed at work more, and ofcourse she was wanting to spend almost every free moment she had with Kelly

Kara could never- would never- blame her for that, not any of it, but...

It still stung, going home alone to an empty apartment and knowing that she was....

That she couldn't have any company if she wanted it

Ever since things hit the skids with Lena, she had been sucking up as much of Alex's time as her sister could give

Nia and Brainy spent most of their time together, James and Winn were both gone, and understandably, J`onn was busy with his brother and other martian business

These were the kinds of nights she would spend time with Lena, but now that Lena was.... unwilling to be in her life....

The loneliness was hitting her harder than it ever did

She couldn't even call up Clark or Lois without feeling like an intruder, now that they had baby John

She felt like crap

She couldn't remember the last time she felt this lonely, but... she knew it was before she and Lena.....

Swallowing down the sourness that had formed in her mouth, she shut her apartment door in annoyance and tossed her keys in the bowl by the door, heaving a sigh as she took her messenger bag off and tossed it in the corner, slinking towards the couch.... only to pause when she realized that not only was the window open, someone was standing in it

Yelping, startled, she wondered breifly how that had gotten past her

"K-Kate!!!"

"Sorry, did I startle you Super?" the "red-head" smirked as she slipped into the apartment and shut the window behind her

Right

Now that she was on Earth One, she would really need to get used to having visits from other heros

On this Earth, Gotham and National City were neighbors, so that was especially true for Batwoman

"Um, a little... sorry, I guess my head was just all.. foggy... I wasn't paying attention... um, what do you need?"

"Oh I don't need anything, can't I just visit my freind?" she smirked as she reached up and took off the cowl, settling it securely under one arm and sliding her fingers through her short hair

Kara smiled, warm and genuine, at the familiar sight of her freind's true face

She liked the red hair, she would admit, but there was nothing nearly as nice as seeing Kate's face

"I just... well, you have on the suit so I assumed...."

"Eh, I just didn't want to use the door,"

Dear Rao, Kate seemed to be in Perpetual Smirk Mode lately

She and Kara had started hanging out more and more often since the Crisis, but so much of it was work related, getting to spend time together without being burdened by that was a true and rare treat, but for the past few weeks, she had started noticing that Kate's perma-scowl would fade more and more in her presence, more often turning into something of a playfull grin instead

Kara much preferred things this way

"I hope I didn't interrupt any plans?"

"O-Oh! Um, no, I mean, Alex and I were going to watch The Masked Singer but she's got to work late... again, so..."

"Masked Singer? That's that... weird singing show with the celebrities in the crazy costumes right?"

"Yep, it's really fun! I mean, admittedly I'm a little picky about talent shows but this one is alot more like a guessing game than a singing competition,"

"Huh," Kate mused, giving something of a "whatever floats your boat" type of expression before crashing down on Kara's couch, crossing one leg over the other

"I'll watch it with you,"

For just a second, Kara thought her brain had finally short-wired

Too much stress and greif and drama having finally caused her to have a lapse in sanity

But nope, upon blinking, Kate Kane was really still sitting on her couch, smiling at her, half-in-suit, looking as though she was expecting Kara to give her an answer to a question that hadn't quite been asked

"I-... really...?"

"Sure, I definitely don't have anything better to do, I came to visit you, so why not?"

"You don't... seem like the type to..... watch that sorta thing...."

"I'm not really the type to wear long red hair either but... things change, besides, if you like it, then there has to be something good about it,"

Kara exhaled, her entire body seeming to release tension that she didn't realize she'd been holding onto, as she crossed over to grab the phone off of the coffee table

"You like Chinese food?"

Kate's own expression seemed to warm, already taking her gloves off

"I love Chinese food,"

~+~

"Wait a minute, so this entire thing is because you kept your secret identity from her? That's it?"

"It's a pretty big deal,"

Kate's chopsticks were half-way into a box of orange chicken, her expression- half irritated and half bewildered- said it all

"It's not... relationship ending big deal,"

"Lena has had a really hard life with people, people betraying her trust and hurting her, I just... added myself to the list..."

"Ok so then at what point do you think it would have been appropriate to let her in on the secret? When exactly would it have been ok with her?"

The question was pointed, sounding more like an accusation than anything else

"I don't know, some time in the beginning? The very beginning..."

"Riiiight, and then you'd have risked not only your own safety, but her's too, the beginning was when that... Cadmus stuff was going on right?"

Over the past couple of months, during their missions to integrate Earth-38 people into Earth-1 society, they had told eachother more than a few things about their pasts, their lives, the way things worked in their own universes and prior relationships and battles

Kate knew more than even some of Kara's Earth-38 freinds did at this point, she was just so easy to talk to, such a great listener and a comforting presence, that Kara couldn't help herself

And it, evidently, wasn't the Bat-Suit that gave off that commanding, comforting energy either

Right now Kate had changed into some clothes Kara lent her- having insisted that "Thursday night relaxation couldn't be complete without comfy clothes"- and was sitting on the floor in loose jeans and an oversized knit sweater, she couldn't look less intimidating (probably) but here Kara had spent the last hour talking about her feelings

She didn't even know how that happened really, first it had been about Adam Rippon getting totally screwed on The Masked Singer and then it had just sort of... devolved from there

Now Kara was her thirteenth eggroll in and had probably said the name "Lena" more times than she had in the past year

Kate didn't seem annoyed though- well, not with Kara- she just seemed genuinely interested and concerned

"Well... yeah.... but I just never should have lied to her..."

"We're superheros, half our job is to lie to the people around us to protect them, I still haven't told Mary, and when she eventually- inevitably- figures it out, she'll be pissed for a wile but she'll get over it, wich is exactly how Lena should react,"

"It's different," Kara mumbled back, picking up a box of sweet and sour chicken

Kate didn't look like she believed her

"I just... miss her.... I wish I had a way to make it up to her..."

"You don't need to make it up to her, you weren't in the wrong and even if you believe you were she's acted way out of line about this entire thing," Kate noted, her voice quieter than it had been before as she reached up to gently rest her hand on Kara's wrist

The Kryptoian didn't seem nearly as confident

"I just feel so guilty... and lonely..... I never realized I would miss her this much..."

"I get how you feel," Kate promised softly, forcing a sad smile

"Sophie, remember?"

"Yeah but.... that's different, Lena was never my girlfreind," Kara noted with a quiet sigh, her eyes downcast

"Did you.... want her to be?"

"Wha-? N-No!! No, nooo, d-definitely not, no!"

Kate's face deadpanned

"...Wow, that was the worst lie I've ever heard, did you really think that would work...?"

"I-I'm not lying!! I... I never even... thought about b-being... gay...."

Kara's shoulders sagged, sighing a little as she picked at her food

"I mean I didn't... until.... Lena...... but maybe that's why none of my relationships worked out before, maybe I'm just gay.... but... I don't know..."

"Kara," Kate said quietly, setting her box of chicken on the table and moving to sit next to her freind on the couch, gently wrapping an arm around her shoulders

"Maybe you aren't," she noted, watching Kara's face scrunch in confusion

"Maybe you aren't gay or straight,"

Ahh... she still looked pretty confused....

"You mean like... both? I could be both?" she asked, apparently blown away by the very idea, before realization seemed to dawn on her and her entire body just sank

"I could be both," she repeated slowly, clearly, as if coming to an epiphany

Kate almost laughed

It was so cute that she wanted to laugh, but she resisted the urge

"Awwww... baby queer," she ultimately said, unable to resist making any remarks

Kara wipped her head around, eyes wide

"So.... so you think I could be.... like..... bi....?"

"Or pan, or... any other label you want to use, if you even want to use any at all, there's nothing wrong with just saying you are who you are and leaving it at that,"

"..........Huh," Kara mumbled quietly, staring out into space, evidently trying to cope with this revelation

Kate curled her bottom lip between her teeth, still trying not to laugh

It was always unreasonably cute watching someone come to terms with their sexuality for the first time- well, when it wasn't terrifying and sad, that is

"You know, if you want help with this stuff, my door is definitely open,"

"O-Oh I could... never ask you to do that, what, like... be my... gay coach or something? My... Coach On Queerness?"

"Yep, think of me as Viktor Nikiforov, but instead of teaching you how to do quadruple axels, I'm teaching you how to flirt with girls," she winked playfully

"You watch that show too?" Kara gasped, putting her hands over her mouth dramatically

"Yeah, it's kind of in the Gay Rule Book, you're not officially in the club until you watch Yuri On Ice and Buffy The Vampire Slayer," she teased

"Willow was my gateway lesbian,"

Kara snort-laughed, her face officially as pink as her sweater now as she started tugging nervously at the ends of her sleeves

"I.... that's.... great but... no, I can't... hold you back by intruding on your life like that, I mean-... you really... I could never ask you to..."

"Kara, it's ok, I make myself a safe space for queer people as often as I can, it's the least I can do... all things considered, and even better, you're my freind, why wouldn't I want to help you?"

"Because I-... what if I'm not gay- or.. bi.. or... anything though? What if I'm just.... straight?"

"Then I'd rather you figure that out safely, with me, than fumbling around on your own trying to have... self-exploration without a safety net,"

"......S-Self...exploration...?" Kara repeated slowly, her face beginning to steadily turn redder

"Well yeah, it's difficult to really fall in love with someone until you know yourself, until you've explored your sexuality a little bit and are atleast somewhat aware of where you fall on the Kinsey scale,"

"Kinsey scale...?"

"A measurement of how straight you are versus how gay you are with varying degrees of accuracy, the point is, sometimes you need a little help figuring yourself out, no matter what your sexuality is, I want to help you do that, this... this shit can be scary, and frustrating and complicated, and it really isn't something superpowers are going to help you out with so.... just let me be here for you, ok?"

Kara swallowed the lump that had been forming in her throat, giving a timid nod as she blinked back tears

She wished she had known Kate sooner

She wished she had had her around all this time to fall back into

Hell even when Alex came out, she knew she hadn't reacted the best way... maybe Kate could have helped that situation too...

"Kara, whatever you need from me, I'm here, ok? If you want, we can go girl hunting together tommorrow, Gotham has some preeeeettty cute girls," she winked

"That ah... well that's... um..."

"But you don't have to if you aren't comfortable with it, I get it, you only just realized you might have a foot in the closet, I'm not going to drag you out by your hair or anything, we'll go as slow as you want,"

...Go slow....

That sounded nice, but... not quite for the reasons she was starting to think Kate had in mind...

"R-Right, ok, thank... thank you," Kara mumbled back quietly, leaning back against the couch and sighing in releif as she started poking at her food again

She felt like a massive weight had been lifted off her chest, was this what it felt like to come out?

Rao, it felt good...

"So is Lena the only girl you've ever had a crush on?"

Chopsticks half into her mouth, Kara struggled not to choke on her chicken

"Ummm.... n-no...?"

"Really?" Kate grinned, her eyes sparkling as though Kara had just given her some sort of bright and shiny gift

"R-Really,"

"Sooooo who else then? Anyone I would know?"

Ahh... Kara was a horrible liar, how was she supposed to get out of this..?

"Oh you'd definitely know her," she finally decided, hurrying to gather more chicken onto her chopsticks

"Ok, cool, is she another superhero?"

"Y-Yeah...."

"....Sara Lance?"

"What? No, she... no,"

"Ok..... Nia?"

"What?! No, I mean, I love Nia platonically! But she and Brainy are too good together and-... no,"

"Ok... huh..."

Kate paused, looking deep in thought, and Kara found herself exhaling with releif over the thought that maybe she had actually stumped the geniu-

"Wait a minute..."

Oh no

Oh no, that voice sounded far too smug

"Kara Danvers....... do you have a crush on me?"

Now officially having lost her appetite, Kara put her food down on the coffee table and groaned, covering her face with her hands, trying to cover up the horrible redness

"Hey, hey, that's awesome, don't act so shy!" Kate laughed

Oh Rao why did her laugh have to sound so damn pretty?!

Kind of throaty and low pitched, but clear and beautifull like bell chimes

Damn it all...

"I could not possibly be more flattered.... and relieved,"

"Re-....relieved...?" Kara mumbled, lifting her head slowly to glance up at the other super

"Yeah, it would have been pretty awkward if you'd had a crush Nia or something and yet here I was crushing on you..."

The swooping sensation in her stomach.... she hadn't felt that since Mon El....

That totally infatuated, oh type of moment that had her heart beating faster and her skin tingling with delight and excitement and just the tiniest bit of anxiety...

"Y-You.... you really... have a crush on me...?"

"Kara... I hate reality TV, but I've watched three hours of it with you because I like seeing you smile, what does that tell you?"

"Umm... that... you're incredibly romantic?"

"Oh does it?"

Oh no, she was smirking again, one arm still around Kara's shoulders as she brought her free hand up to very gently glide her fingers beneath Kara's chin

Kara wanted to melt right into that couch

"Kara... if I kissed you.... would that be pushing you too far, too fast...?"

Kara shook her head quickly, her face bright red now as she leaned in a little bit closer

"Well thank God for that," Kate purred

Kara's eyes fell shut, and she swore, that next moment sent her straight to Heaven

~+~

"Hey Kara, sorry I'm late, but I brought Chinese-!"

Alex Danvers had seen alot of shocking things in her day

She just hadn't expected one of those things to be opening her apartment door and finding Batwoman and Supergirl making out on the couch

Kate lifted her head up, slightly disshevled, and raised her eyebrows at Alex, as if asking do you mind? without saying a word

"A-Alex!!" Kara squeaked from beneath the CEO, sitting up half-way with her hair wrecked and her glasses askew

....

Alex slowly shut the door with a breif "Have fun!" and hurried down the hall, taking her phone out of her pocket and speed-dialing Kelly's number

"Hey Sweetie, you feel like Chinese food?"

"Um, sure? I thought you had plans with Kara though,"

"Yeaaah those kinda fell through, I'll tell you about it when I get there but... remember that bet we made a few weeks ago? Well I owe you fifty bucks,"