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I’d heard the rumours. We all had. The stories one would tell a child to keep them from seeking the embrace of the night. Like a fool I’d signed my name to the contract. To hunt the unhuntable. The rid them all of the curse of the night. Yet such a fool I was. Young and ignorant of the future to pass.
When I first met him, it was like a midsummer dream. A flitting presence in the corner of the eye, as one would expect from a young sparrow on a breeze. He held himself with such poise and grace, with a but a turn of the head he’d carried himself from my vision, if as if the sparrow had never been. I may say met, though we did not speak. But for me it was the truest form of meeting. A meeting of unknown fates that would bind us all the way to depths of our very soul. He knew me, from but a glance. Yet our true meeting was still some time off.
Winter in all its bitter struggles came. The land swallowed by the thick blanketing of snow. The nights so cold and long that the darkness seemed forever infinite against our finite existence. With its rolling winds and dancing flakes, it came to us and stole our warmth. First one or two, then soon I was all but was left. Such lofty dreams we held when we started. Wishes that our names shall become recorded as the great heroes we believed we’d be. How foolish man is. Man who is but a drop in the great ocean in all the times since time began. How ignorant we were of the particulars of our foe. I’m sure if we had known this was how our story would end, none of us would have been so hasty to sign our lives away. No one would have called us cowards. For each man sought his own self preservation above all. Each of us thought ourselves the finest of specimens. Each with some unique trait or quirk that would ensure our victory against all odds. Yet, we are but flesh and bone, and he... he was manhood ascended into god form.
For many nights passed in the bitterest of conditions. My stead, whom I had taken the pains to train painstakingly since foaldom, the most trusted of all my companions finally fell. His noble white hook taking through the ice, as a warm knife would slide through butter with ease. Thrown from the saddle, limbs so numb that the pain of the landing elicited the sensation of a thousand needles upon the soul, were useless as his struggled, sinking ever deeper into the frosted swamp the ice had hidden. To shoot him was as if to shoot ones self. In the arm or such, no, perhaps the removal and loss of such limb would truly be the better description. His black eyes half lidded as continued to struggle. Leg clearly broken, yet my noble friend still tried. With an almighty snort, resignation filled the beast’s features, death delivered swiftly so as to release my last true friend from the struggles of his mortal life. That night I ate the heart of my last friend. Taking upon the legends that his strength should reside in me if was to do as such.
Following his death, it was as if God had condemned me for the murder of the most refined beast. The gunpowder I held fell damn and useless. My clothes torn to shreds by the biting winds. I sincerely hoped for death. I had not even raised a hand to my foe, yet he laughed at me from afar. He struck us all down without lifting a single finger against us. Such thinking’s brought a smile to my face, the weeks of isolation and seclusion has endowed me with a touch of lunacy it would seem. If my poor mother was to see me now, how she would weep for her foolish son. Perhaps it was better that she’d been taken into heaven’s embrace early, sparring her the horror of her son’s foolery. Oh, why had not listened to gentle Armin. His kind and soft nature so often seen in those of scholars and academics. He’d thrown himself at me, begging me to rethink, and how bitterly I wish I had. His warm embrace and that of my cousin were the selfish dreams left to a dying man. Those days we laughed as children might. Armin’s sweet nature naturally made him the target of those less than civilised, yet my sweet friend never raised a hand in his own defence. Not wishing to stoop to such levels, he held a defiant stance. Unlike myself and my dear sweet cousin Mikasa. How I longed to see them both. Would the recognise the wretched thing I became as their once dear friend, or cast me to the streets? Sweet Armin, so gentle and willing to help the most wretched would offer me a seat by his fire and soup to warm my empty stomach. Mikasa would glare, her slim arms crossed as she watched, waiting until the last dregs of the bowl were empty to then cast me back to the streets.
It was by some amazement I had lasted as long as I had. My poor notebook had seen better days, it’s pages often stuck together from the snow melting through and chilling my breast. Each coming day I had tallied, each line a signal that my bleak existence had not been snuffed out while I huddled lost and cold. How many life times a man could live in those days condemned to be remember by such a small and trifle thing as a line. By my count a fortnight and then some had passed since the killing of my dear friend, and all that time I had wandered, sometimes until my body could no longer support my saddened frame. As I scrawl these few lines I am quite certain that tonight shall be the last for me. My refuge the ruins of a once might cathedral. A fitting place for one whom God Almighty has turned his back on. I never did meet him again, yet I am remarkably at peace with this outcome. I may be a young man, all of 21, yet I feel the cold chill upon me as if I were the most wisened of men. Let me sleep, and dream of the better days and the embrace of my mother awaiting me.
It is by luck that I made it through the night. I felt sure that the small fire I kindled together has been dying as my eyes slid closed. It seems too happy to call it luck, though I know my dear sweet cousin would call it just so. Regrettably it is a sentiment I can no longer associate with one particular emotion I might call my own, for each day is yet another served in self loathing. It would have been far nobler to have passed with him comrades, for I have passed so far that there is nay chance of being recovered. If there was, such a grand and fine cathedral shall not have fallen into a sad state of disrepair. When I close my eyes, I can very nearly imagine the ladies of the parish in their fair white dresses, one perhaps two bells tolling. The familiar phrases of muchly repeated bible versus, that as a child I thumbed nose at. Again by luck, or some greater cosmic design, there was a dead rat not so far from where I’d bedded. Bedded. Ha! What a novel notion. The rags I sleep in barely hold a candle to soft downy bed I shared as a child. None the less, and as starved as I was, the companionship of the rat was short lived as I roasted him over my fire. Such a short and brief meal, my manners akin to ravenous wolves as I devoured my brief friend. Despite pretending the small thing some more appealing such as a quail, the gamey taste filled me with such revulsion I barely kept the meal down for a matter of moments before I threw up. Where he sits upon his throne, God is surely having a good laugh at this pitiful fool.
It has now touched on dusk. I am taken by a peculiar sensation of eyes upon me. Rats scratch and mice scurry. Yet I have not the strength to pursue either. Through the shattered remains of a once grand window, the moons bright rays are yet to illuminate my little friends. My little friends who shall no doubt feast upon my bones, as I did their brother, upon my demise. Above me some bat looks down, the soft fluttering of the wings I at first mistook for death on the wind. To have come this far, I wish I had the strength to go all the way. To catch this fiend and hold him to account, for I have lost so much on this chase that he is all that is left for me.
It is now we meet for a second time. His footsteps lighter than a feather as he flits just out of sight. His eyes as red as the flames of hell, yet all he has done is wait. I have pulled my blunderbusts on the devil, yet he does not know as I, that the powder too wet for even a final shot. Yet, perhaps if provoked, he would grant me my fondest wish of a swift death. With shaky aim, I raised my guns, pointing at the fiends red eyes, fingertips paused on the triggers. He speaks no words, nor makes any sound, yet I hear his laughter in his ears. My fingers squeeze the triggers but a millimetre and he is upon me. Great halberd in his grip. In the light of the mood he does not look like the devil of legend. He looks like my saviour. His soft short black hair flows so beautifully, his eyes now silver in the light. Plump bottom lip and thin upper of the most palest pinks. My fingers abandon the trigger. In a split second he’d changed the trajectory. The heavy silver blade that was to grant me my release embedded it’s self barely a breath from my ear.
My wicked foe, nay, I cannot deny, for he is the most beautiful man I have set my eyes upon. He is quick to jump back, confusion clouding his charming face
“Why do you not shoot?”
His voice makes my heart leap, for having no one to talk to for so long has taxed me muchly
“Why do you not behead me? Or is your thirst so great you think to drink from my neck?”
He pulls a face, crossing his arms. Clad in the garb of all Prussian upper class, his riding coat black with the fanciest of gold trimmings. It charms and suits him muchly. He stands an inch or so beneath Armin, and perhaps a whole heads length beneath me. Yet, in his own way, it is so becoming upon him. It plays on the tip of my tongue to tease him over his height, but never have I beheld such a man who radiated such intelligence. Oh the conversations we could have had had we met under different circumstances
“I’m not so hard up to feed upon any shitty brat before me”
I cannot help myself as I laugh. His refined appearance held none such hint of such blunt conversation. Yet again, it suits him well
“Alas, it is all I have to offer you. Had we met elsewhere, perhaps we could have feasted like kings. Yet, I am sure when the night ends, so shall my life”
“This is true. You’re barely worth the rags you sit in. At first I was irritated, then confused as to why you did not turn back”
“The foolish pride of man. For we are a gluttonous bunch”
“Stubborn pride shall be your ruin”
“I can not deny that. Nor you nor I, shall deny the words of a dying man”
His voice excited my heart so. I’m quite certain he must have noticed as he came closer, removing his weapon from where it was lodged as if it weighed nothing more than a sheet of paper. The second the weapon disappeared into the shadows it ceased existence. If not for the gaping wound beside my head, I would have thought it all a figment of my imagination
“Having pursued me for so long, I find myself curious as to what you are thinking”
My heart fluttered, a sensation I thought gone
“That the devil may just perhaps be my saviour. If I am to die tonight, might I look upon the moon’s grace one last time”
“It is the act of an insincere man to swear on the full moon”
Arranging my features into the best smile I could give him, I replied
“Then it is a good thing that God has turned his back on me, though I’m sure I have nothing to swear”
When he laughed it sounded like the first sweet bird songs once spring has sprung. Taking my hand as if I were not a filthy thing, he raised me to my feet. I felt sure he must hear the pounding of my heart. The delight of being touched again sent shivers through my body. His own held a warmth that was wholly unexpected. Supporting my frame, he led the short distance to the windowsill. The moon in all her grace shined so brightly tears formed in my eyes. In my hurry to thank my companion, I turned too fast. My cheek hitting his face as I gasped in horror. Again, my strange foe laughed. I noticed blood had beaded upon his lip where his sharpened fang had cut
“I am sorry”
“You are strange. You delight in though from he who you deem “devil”. Now you apologise to the face of your foe”
My cheeks heated, he had noticed my excitement
“The moment you stepped beneath her light, I have never seen a sweeter sight. Your countenance not at all like the villain my mind had made you into. The human mind is fit for flights of fancy. The first time you danced past my vision, I thought it a dream. If this is all a dream, I pray not to wake”
“You’re a strange one, aren’t you?”
Raising a soft hand, he thumbed over my cheek. The softest in his eyes so gentle my breath caught
“Will you feed upon me when I die?”
“If that is your desire. For the man who pursued me for so long, I shall grant you one last wish”
The decision came easily. For if I never say another day, I did not wish to die with this regret
“Then let me wish for a kiss”
His lips were soft. The softest ever pressed against my own. Knowing my own perversions, no kiss bestowed upon me had ever sent my heart soaring as the soft meeting of his lips against mine. Not those of my sweet cousin, or those of friends offered in friendship. No. None of those kisses could compare to the thrill of no longer denying ones self. Feeling his teeth scrape against my lower lip, he pulled back to gaze at me in the moonlight
“For many months I watched you. Your foolish struggles brought me no delight. I knew in my heart that I should be gladdened at the death of your friends, but let me tell you this, Eren Jäger, I was never the monster responsible for the crimes against my name. Your blood is the first to pass my lips in long over a decade. I do not wish for your death, yet I have nothing that which may sustain you”
My heart skipped a beat as he said my name. It seemed all was well known by him
“You know my name, but I not yours. They call you the devil, all manner of names as such”
“I am Levi. Nothing more, nothing less. This curse forced upon me against my will. When you have passed, I shall continue to walk this world alone. Is there someone I should notify of your passing?”
Brushing the hair from my face, I wondered how I could ever thought this man the worst kind of fiend
“My sweet cousin. Though I fear her so fierce she shall instantly hold you to account. I have no blood family remaining. My father is gone and my sweet mother taken by the plague. Her own family was lost, and like a sister she has been to me”
“With your boundless pride, I was sure you must be the rebellious son of a noble”
Smiling softly, he wasn’t terribly wrong. My father had held a position of high standing as the saviour who’d stood against the initial plague upon our village
“Perhaps in another lifetime... You have shown me much kindness, Levi. For that I am grateful. Never have I had such a sweet kiss placed upon my lips. I shall be gladdened if my life is of some use to you”
With his arm around my waist, he led me back to the fire’s warmth. Before I could object, he sat beside me. His pretty coat upon the dust
“You know what I am, yet you did not ask for my curse”
It would be a lie to say that I was not envious of the thought of seeing another day, but it was his eyes that stilled the thought before it reached my tongue
“Never have I seen eyes as sad as yours. Your curse is no great blessing. It has robbed you of even the simplest joy death brings. But you shall not have my pity, for I know you are strong enough to see this curse through. I sincerely hope from the depths of my heart you shall find someone to walk this long and dark road with you”
“Would you?”
My laughter turned to a harsh cough. Levi rubbing my back until my breathing had settled
“I am hardly anyone’s first choice. I shall cherish our first and last kiss. It was more than I ever thought I shall receive”
“I ask... I mean... You are right. It is hard and it is lonely. Yet it has been easier since I set eyes on you. Your boundless youth. The beast you hide within. I don’t think I would mind being bound by this curse if it was at your side”
“You flatter me, yet you do not know me”
“I know enough, Eren. If you ask of me this, I shall promise you shall never walk alone. We both house what they call “beastly” desire. You are the first and last human I shall ever offer this curse upon. For know it is a curse. And yet, I am selfish and a slave to my human desires of company”
Staring at Levi’s face, he was earnest, if not looking somewhat constipated. How beautiful he was though. As if carved by the hands of the greats. His silver eyes held such hope that I found myself as his mercy. This man, who’d shown a wretch like me such kindness. How could I deny him his request when he’d asked me so honestly. The beast I’d thought to hunt was my saving grace in my darkest time
“Will it hurt, terribly?”
My tone was timid, Levi’s fine lips morphing into the saddest of smiles
“Only to begin with. Then each time one you love passes before you eyes”
“You, who have led the saddest of life’s have given me such joy. I can deny you this one wish you have of me. I ask that if anything is to go wrong, you shall destroy me by your own hand, for nothing shall give me greater joy”
“For you, I shall. I shall give you the Earths and the heavens, all wonders shall lay before you feet”
My cheeks reddened further, for his words spun like the finest of silks
“If I am to have you, then I already hold all the wonders a man could ever need in one lifetime, or two. How does this... How do you...?”
Levi stroked my hair so lovingly that I could not help but lean into his touch. For a man whose heart no longer beat, he’d shown such love and kindness
“I will cut your lips upon my fangs, then do so my own. My curse is in my cursed blood. Yet know, I do not sup from those not of my kind. You shall meet them all in time. Until, my blood shall be your bread and wine. A whole new world will scare you. It will overwhelm you. And at times you will curse me. But for one as lovely as you, you are all I could ask for in a mate for this journey of life. I swear this to you”
“Isn’t it the act of an insincere man to swear on the moon”
“Our lives are not blessed by the warmth of their so called God. Insincerity is all I have, though I do believe I swore to you, and not on the clear moon of tonight’s sky”
“Then you shall swear on your blood. The blood we shall share”
“This is do readily. Are you prepared? I will take no offence if you decline me, or only accept my proposition so that you might return to your family some day”
“I have stalked you this long. I might as well follow you until the end”
“Then close your eyes, my gentle beast. Take my blood and be born new”
The pain passed to pleasure. I am quite sure that I must have lost my mind. Never have I experienced such an unbounding pleasure as I found in that bloodied kiss. Levi’s blood rushed to meet mine. The feeling akin to having a million wasps released into ones bloodstream. Such descriptions would not normally be used in such tight conjunction, yet to those who have not tasted the sweetest of sins there is no easy way to express the overwhelming senses of... overwhelmingness. Hungrily I fed from his lips as a starved babe from mother’s teat. Levi undenying of my thirsts, holding my body to his as the last of my breath passed from my mouth to his. I could not tell you how long the embrace lasted. It felt to me as if all the seconds of all the minutes of all the hours of my meager life passed between us. Levi feeling my dizzying highs and bitter lows with such grace the last beat my heart gave was for him. When the moment passed and the kiss broke, his eyes flashed red
“Tonight you will change. Your body will born anew. This place does nothing for one so fine”
“It has its own charms”
“It’s filthy, brat. So filthy that not even pigs should be subjected to disgusting environs. You, who walked so far, let me carry you the last of the way”
“My heart. My soul. My blood. It is all for you”
Spurred by my words, Levi was swift in lifting me from the floor. My arms looped around his neck, as I hid my giddiness. This life is already such a magical life. We have no breath, yet we form words. Our lungs expand from brain’s memory that breath is a necessity. He did not need to breathe, still, I felt the steady movement of his chest as he did... He was so very human, yet so very not. My blood dribbled down his chin and chest, staining his fine line shirt and cravat. My nose could smell his blood amongst the mix. Base hunger aroused, somewhat mortifyingly as I realised my desire to lap away the traces of our sealed pact. For his part, Levi raised an eyebrow, I’d temporarily forgotten he’d faced the same hunger before
“Soon, my insatiable beast. Let us leave before the first rays of dawn”
“Shall we ever gaze upon a sunrise again?”
“We shall see so many that they will all become the same”
“Still, this is our first sunrise. I feel remiss to not know the date”
“It is Christmas. The first day you shall walk beside me. Nothing could thrill me more”
Unable to suppress a little mischief, I laughed softly
“And soon you shall see that I am the gift that keeps giving”
“I have no of doubt that”
Burying my face against his neck, Levi started towards the broken window, as he leapt with me in his hold, it occurred I’d been quite rude. I’d decided myself his gift, on this the holiest of days. But as God had turned his back on me, I turned my back on his son. The man whose arms held me, held more hope than I’d ever known
“Happy Birthday, sweet Levi”
“The sweetest one to date”