Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was some unknown day in early June and Donghyuck had just stepped out of the shower. He startled a little as his phone started to vibrate. His heart picked up and he hurled himself across the room. Without looking at the caller ID - because, he reasoned, who else would be calling him at this time? - he picked it up and wasn’t at all surprised.

Half an hour later he still hadn’t dried his hair and was sprawled on the bed as Mark finished his SuperM dorm tour.

He’d spent the first ten minutes yelling about how he would have been fine with a simple apartment, the type with plaster walls you could theoretically punch through, not that he wanted to, but the kind you saw in movies you know? Then Lee Sooman had to get them a freaking nine million apartment which meant they had to sell more albums, but also the thing was pretty freaking sick.

Donghyuck spent the time smiling giddily because it was the first time in weeks he’d heard his best friend speak for that long, and wow he actually really missed his stupid face and stupid voice, a secret he’d carry to his grave along with the true factual account of how Chenle had broken the coffee maker in the dorm with five lightsticks, four of them being Jisung’s.

If Doyoung ever found out about that incident, he’d have a heart attack. No questions asked.

“...I swear Lucas almost pees himself every time Taemin sunbaenim walks into the room and honestly? Same. Absolutely same. Then today he got his hair bleached and I swear he’s an actual angel that radiates light, there’s opera in my head whenever I see him. Opera. I don’t even listen to opera. How did Jisung live with the guy on that show and not collapse from - from him?”

Donghyuck was laughing so hard he was having a hard time controlling his sphincter muscles, don’t talk about Lucas. But it was Mark, and Donghyuck could whip up a pouty face for him in two seconds flat even if he wasn’t physically present. If he were present, the time went down even further. “Mark hyung, I’m a celebrity too. Think I should dye my hair blonde?”

“Aish you’re different, this is Taemin sunbaenim. I’ve seen you throw up after trying to prove you could eat ten kimbaps in twenty minutes. You were only on the eighth.”

“Psh, that never happened. Just cause you used to write SHINEE fanfiction - stop screaming, don’t act like you didn’t - how do I know? Of course I know Mark Lee-ssi, you aren’t subtle at all - okay, okay I’ll keep my voice down.”

Silence on the other end of the line. Then Mark’s voice, smaller this time, brows furrowed cutely: “But really though, how did you know?”

“You used a line from that coffee shop story in one of our songs you know, ya ain’t slick.”

A pause. Mark blushed and Donghyuck could see the gears turning and the smoke coming out from Mark’s ears. “Donghyuck…”

If Donghyuck had mastered the art of the make-hyungs-do-shit-for-him-cause-he’s-cute face, Mark had mastered the art of Donghyuck-Lee-confess-your-sins tone that had worked better for Donghyuck than any priest’s ever did. If you can’t fool them, beat them to it hey? He gave a nervous laugh.

“Aha yes....I too have read the SHINEE fanfiction…”

Over the line, Mark’s muffled screams continued, face brighter than Donghyuck’s Firetruck hair. Donghyuck admired this sight from his safe position across the Pacific Ocean. Mark really wasn’t slick, no matter what fans on the youtube comments said (He made a big show of gagging to them every time he scrolled through with Mark, earning a smack on the head for his efforts).

“Donghyuck, if you dare breathe a word…” Donghyuck graciously stayed silent as Mark tried to think of a coherent and effective threat over the line. “I’m not getting you…”

“Take your time.” Not everyone could be as good as threatening others like he was.

“Not getting you the limited edition Avengers boxers I showed you yesterday!”

Donghyuck sat up on the bed in stunned silence. “You really were going to get me those?”

“Oh shit,” Mark replied eloquently. He looked guilty for some reason. “That was supposed to be a surprise. Baekhyun hyung even agreed to pretend to buy it so you wouldn’t suspect anything.”

“And I’m the spoiler king,” Donghyuck grouched. There was something warm in his chest. “Thanks, though. You know you really don’t have to get me anything.”

“I want to,” came the simple reply.

“Oh.” Donghyuck could only blink, cheeks flushed. “Thanks, hyung.”

Mark hummed. “It’s probably pretty late now in Korea, huh? Have you eaten?”

On queue, Donghyuck’s stomach growled. “Uh...not yet.”

“Tsk. Don’t you forget to eat while I’m not there to drag you out and pay for your meals, okay. Dorm ahjumma isn’t here today right? See if you can grab one of the members to go out and eat with. I don’t care how much instant ramyeon Jisung eats, you know it’s not healthy and try and eat better when you can okay? This time hmm...I think Yuta hyung shouldn’t have eaten yet. Try asking him.”

Nagging even from the opposite side of the globe, huh. “Yes mom.”

“Right, I gotta go! My turn for hair and makeup, talk to you soon!” With that, Mark hung up.

Donghyuck stared at the blank screen. A few months ago, Mark would’ve barged into his and Johnny’s shared room to drag him out to eat at some new place he’d found online. Something felt missing from dinner now, the excitement lost.

As he pondered over his meal options (mostly ramen, actually), there was a gentle knocking on the door. “Come in,” he called without looking.

“Donghyuck? Yuta, Doyoung, and I are heading out for dinner. Want to come with?” Taeil stood half in the room and half out, peering curiously at the younger.

“Sure,” Donghyuck shot him a grin. “Was just going to ask if anyone was free.”

“Great!” Taeil eyed the rat’s nest atop Donghyuck’s head. “We’ll be leaving in five minutes, you’d better get ready.”

Two hours and a collective ten eels eaten between them, the members sighed in content and leaned back on the wooden benches.

“That was fantastic,” Yuta moaned.

Doyoung promptly smacked him. “Age appropriate for the kids,” he hissed, side-eyeing Donghyuck who shrugged.

“Ah right, Donghyuck-ie isn’t an adult yet,” teased Yuta with a wide grin. “Next time you can come drinking with me and Mark, hey? Missing out on all the fun~”

Donghyuck snorted. “I’ll outdrink you both with my hands tied behind my back, you just wait.”

“Ignore them, Donghyuck-ah,” Taeil laughed. He tilted his head, considering the youngest member. “You must miss Mark, don’t you? You two are pretty close.”

Feeling quite drunk from the eels even though he was the only one who hadn’t had alcohol, Donghyuck laughed incredulously. “With all this food? Why should I?”

“Fair enough.” Doyoung smiled approvingly.

Donghyuck continued to grin, patting his pockets to be sure. “Hyungs are paying, right? I didn’t bring my wallet with me today.”

Doyoung’s smile faded instantly.

It was mid-June and Donghyuck squinted at his open luggage, running through its contents mentally. His manager would be picking him up in an hour to bring him to the Dream dorm in preparation for the next comeback. He was almost ready but there was something missing that he couldn’t put his finger on…

Ah.

Groaning from the backache that had bloomed overnight, Donghyuck stomped his way to his cupboard and threw it open. He dragged his eyes across the row of ironed shirts. Not there. Just in case, he went through them one by one again in case it was hiding from him for some reason. Nope.

Muttering to himself, he stomped over to Johnny’s cupboard. Maybe it had ended up there.

Ralph Lauren, Gucci, Gucci, Target, more Target, ooh a new Adidas. Donghyuck spent a quick second looking at it appreciatively. Maybe he could persuade Johnny to let him borrow it for an interview next time. He swept through the closet thoroughly but nope. Not there.

He stood there for a while blinking at the clothes. Damn, a shirt like that was hard to come by - shoulder seams that fell just so, hugging his body in all the right places and loose where they should be. Really affordable, too. He’d scribbled on the back of the label with permanent marker and notified their dorm ahjumma of its rightful place in his closet when he’d first gotten it. For good measure, Donghyuck had also requested every member to let him know first before borrowing it if they wanted to. Some called it paranoia, Donghyuck called it being accountable for his shit.

So. Where could it be it?

He was squinting at an innocent patch on the wall when the lightbulb in his head lit up. Stomping across the room, he flung open the door.

“Mark hyung, you didn’t return the striped shirt you borrowed! I need to bring it over ‘cause I want to wear it for tomorrow’s interview,” Donghyuck accused loudly to the general vicinity of the living room.

Outside, Jungwoo’s confused face blinked back. Then it hit Donghyuck, Mark hadn’t been there for days.

Right. USA. And he hadn’t had the time to call him since the day he’d gone out with the members for eel. Something uncomfortably heavy settled in his stomach and he visibly deflated.

Jungwoo swallowed his mouthful of shrimp chips. “You mean the blue and white striped one with the anchor on the breast pocket?”

Donghyuck perked up. “Yeah, that’s the one! Did you see it around? Is it hanging with the laundry?”

Jungwoo shook his head, waving the maknae over. “Not the laundry. C’mere.” He pulled out his phone and typed some words into the search bar. Scrolling down, he opened up an article from Dispatch dated a few days back.

“‘SuperM’s Super Airport Fashion’,” Donghyuck recited. Almost immediately, his eyes fell on the group photo taken by the paparazzi.

“We all know how much you like that shirt. Maybe he misses you too,” Jungwoo suggested, staring up at Donghyuck from under those long, innocent lashes.

“That dumbass, how many times have I told him not to pair that hat with this shirt?” Donghyuck fumed. Jungwoo blinked in momentary surprise. “He misses me? Well, I miss that shirt way more than I miss him. Mark Lee who? I only know fashion disaster.”

“Denial is natural, dear,” Jungwoo serenely replied, having regained his composure. He fluttered his eyelashes and Donghyuck could feel all his blood rushing to his face.

Donghyuck stomped back to his room.

It was early July and Dream’s comeback was due for later that month.

“Dammit, I can’t get this to sound right.” Donghyuck threw his hands in the air hopelessly, staring down at the annotated mess of lyrics in front of him. Jaemin looked at the song director and back at Donghyuck.

“What’s that, hyung?” Jaemin called out. He scanned the page to Donghyuck’s lyrics in preparation for questions from the older.

“Director-nim, what was the feel you wanted from this song again?” Donghyuck inquired. Jaemin glanced at the clock, hands five past the hour he had been scheduled to start at, but clearly Donghyuck would need some more time.

“Mature and empowering,” the director repeated patiently. “How you feel after you realise a dream lies within your grasp, you have attained the power to achieve it and you want to call all others to action to do so with you.” He shuffled some papers around and cleared his throat. “A tinge of sexiness, if you can.”

“Donghyuck hyung~” Jaemin hooted on cue. He shot the elder a thumbs up. “Let’s get it!”

But Donghyuck only affixed him with a tired smile. “Director-nim, Jaemin, I’ll try a few versions of the last line and see which one is best, okay?” With that, Donghyuck signalled to the director to play the section of the song on loop.

Donghyuck’s voice was powerful and clean as ever, and within seconds Jaemin was lost in it. Two repeats later, Donghyuck signalled to stop. Grabbing his water bottle from the floor he took a swig. “So, what do you think?”

Jaemin paused for a while as he mentally ran through the two versions. “Honestly I think all sound great. Let’s go with what you feel is most comfortable, hyung.”

“But is it better if I emphasise ‘I become your dreams and the path to it’ or ‘I become your dreams and path to it’?”

Jaemin blinked. “What’s the difference?”

Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows and replied as he returned the bottle to the floor. “If I emphasise the first part the focus is on us empowering. If I emphasise the second half it’s like, this is yours, you can do it. I’m not sure…Director-nim?”

The director tapped a pencil to his jaw. “Like Jaemin said, both versions work and both convey the same message even if the nuances are slightly different. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with either. I agree with him, it’s up to you. How do you want to express it? What do you think works best for your team’s image?”

“I -” Donghyuck bit back the rest of his sentence. What was he about to say? I don’t know, I miss having Mark hyung out there listening, directing where our team should go, I trust his sense on things like this, I wish I had his advice.

Jaemin yawned and stretched. The early morning sun was just filtering through the side blinds and he was still sleepy. Almost as if he had read Donghyuck’s mind, he sighed. “You know who was great at this kind of thing? Mark hyung. We wouldn’t have gotten ‘Dripping’ out without him. Damn, times like this I really miss him.”

Donghyuck blinked in surprise but hurriedly put a scowl on his face. “You think we can’t be sexy without Mark hyung? Director-nim, let’s try this again.”

As Donghyuck launched into the line with renewed vigour, Jaemin hid his grin behind his water bottle.

It was October and the day after ‘Jopping’ had been released. Dream had gathered into Jeno and Donghyuck’s room where they stayed up way past midnight streaming it to rack up the views.

They could have added at least 10 more views to the view count if the maknaes hadn’t spent at least half an hour replaying Mark’s parts. Donghyuck was quite sure Chenle had the whole rap memorised already. Jisung could dance to most of it, too.

(Donghyuck himself was hoarse from trying out Baekhyun’s high note. It had lowkey worked.)

This was what, over the hundredth time they’d refreshed the page, but the maknae’s commentary was still going strong.

“Mark hyung’s so cool, it’s like he’s really a super hero.”

“Yeah but I can’t see him as having super powers. He’s like an agent of SHIELD with the gun and martial arts -”

“Yah, this isn’t ‘Superhuman’ -”

“ - I know, I’m not complaining about agents of SHIELD, have you seen Peggy Carter -”

Amidst the bickering, Renjun’s voice floated out. “Why didn’t we have a super power concept? Shouldn’t that be quite on brand for us?”

In the ensuing silence, Jaemin smacked the mattress. “Damn it.”

Jeno tugged Donghyuck’s sleeve. “You’ve been really quiet, what do you think?”

They had paused the video and were all staring at him expectantly. Donghyuck had been zoning out for the past five minutes but one glance at the computer screen told him they were just past the first chorus. Mark was standing in front of the group and staring into the camera as he delivered his lines.

For a moment, Donghyuck allowed his eyes to roam over the image. He swallowed.

I think his cheekbones stand out more than they ever have. I think he’s not eating or sleeping enough.

He took in Mark’s natural stage presence, how even as he stood in front of industry seniors he looked like he belonged right there.

Something constricted in his chest. I think he’s grown up and left us behind.

Renjun poked his knee with his foot at the moment dissipated.

Donghyuck’s mind went blank and he warbled out the first thing that came to mind. “I think Taemin sunbaenim looks just like Michael Jackson.”

A loud gasp from Jisung. He looked touched. “Truly the highest of compliments.” He reached out for the touchpad and skipped a few seconds down. “But you think they really shot it out in the desert? The sun though -”

Chenle rolled his eyes. “Taemin sunbaenim is a professional, you think a bit of sun will bother him, huh? Why don’t we toss you out into the sun and see how that goes huh -”

Donghyuck snuggled back against the pillows and allowed the bickering to restart. If the rest noticed anything wrong they didn’t mention it.

It was November and time for another magazine photoshoot.

Donghyuck scrambled out of the van and was quickly ushered upstairs by his manager. As the hairstylist noona quickly swapped out his 127 interview clothing for what he would wear for the shoot, he saw the reflection of the camera’s flash light up the corridor wall intermittently.

His manager handed him a bottle of water which he received gratefully. “Drink up, Haechan-ah. After this you’ll be doing the group shoot before the solo shoot. Did you have enough to eat in the car?”

Donghyuck made a grunt of affirmation. Satisfied, his manager left to check up on the progress of the shoot.

The clock hanging above the station told Donghyuck it was almost five in the afternoon. He wondered how long the other Dreamies had been here for already. Probably the better part of the day: concept meeting, setting up the shoot, individual shots, pair shots.

In no time the stylist noonas were shooing him out of the chair and down to the first floor where the other five were already seated under a large, European-styled window.

“I’m here, kids!”

“About time you made it.” Donghyuck accepted Jeno’s fistbump and burrowed into the pile.

“Okay, look here. Starting in three, two, one.”

When he had first began, Donghyuck hadn’t thought posing would be that tiring a job. Somehow, Dream made it easy. If Donghyuck looked to the left, the next member looked to the upper right. If Donghyuck looked front, the next member looked down, and so on and so forth. In group shoots they were like one large living, breathing mass, perfectly in sync.

Midway, the photographer announced a quick pause as he ran behind the computers to monitor the photos. Normally the group would follow. This time, there was a silent agreement to wait till the official break to do so. His head leaning on someone (probably Jisung), Donghyuck melted into the warmth and sighed.

“I still think there’s something missing as six,” a stray whisper from Chenle floated to Donghyuck’s ears. “Like, there’s no one above us holding us together.”

Automatically, Donghyuck became conscious of their current formation. Two lines of three. It used to be that way too, with Mark standing behind them, arms wrapped around as many members as could fit. Kind of like the star atop the tree. Maybe the ribbon on a gift.

Donghyuck could just about feel the atmosphere deflate. With a sigh he reached out and swatted Chenle’s ear. “Naw, it’s perfect with three pairs. No one needs to sit alone in the car and there’s always someone to partner up with.”

His thoughts shifted to earlier that day, just him shuttled from 127 activities to Dream. It used to be him and Mark in the car. They would fight over the last piece of chicken. No wonder he was feeling more full than usual today, he had eaten it all.

Even Mark had Taeyong if they were shuttling from SuperM to 127.

“Oh? That’s true.”

Donghyuck puffed up his chest. “Of course it is.”

Then the photographer was back and the shoot continued.

It was December and the last night of the Dream Concert.

Donghyuck stood drenched with sweat, staring out into the sea of neon green. Upstairs he could just about catch the lanky silhouette of Johnny. Next to him: Doyoung, Taeil, Yuta. Above them sat the rest of 127, up till seven.

He knew who was missing.

The sounds around him started to fade, Jaemin’s voice blurring into white. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, he told himself. Schedules were schedules. Not much anyone could do about them.

But he had promised. That dumbass hadn’t checked his schedule and he had promised to be there. Then the first day had passed, the second. Now the third.

Donghyuck hated that lump of hope that crept up every time.

He wasn’t jealous, definitely not. Hadn’t been jealous before when Mark had told him the news of the group with wide eyes and hesitant words. In fact, he’d flung his arms over Mark straightaway and told him how proud he was. He’d meant it, too.

No, he was just lonely. That, he could admit to himself. He didn’t really want to admit it to others, they didn’t need to know. It was too needy, too childish. And Donghyuck would be graduating soon.

Someone reached out to touch his arm and he crashed back into reality. Jisung was looking at him quizzically, gesturing to his microphone. He blinked once, twice. Oh right, speech.

So he started. “...Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle, Jisung beside supported me so much, cared for me and understood me. Because of that, I think I was able to have a lot of fun.”

Donghyuck paused. He thought of the Dream dorm, wondered how it would feel like to gather up his stuff that had accumulated over the past three years. Distantly he remembered how it felt like to walk into that door and hear strains of guitar from the bedroom. It was a feeling that had long since been transposed to the other dorm. Now, maybe he’d hear it somewhere in America.

Something roared up within him, petty and angry and he decided you know what, forget it. Forget the fact that they weren’t really supposed to mention his name for the sake of fans who would forget he wasn’t part of them anymore. Forget that.

“More than that, I miss Mark hyung even more today.”

Jisung squeezed his hand. Donghyuck swallowed down the lump. “I don’t think I’ll ever have this memory again. I love you so much. Thank you. I hope we are able to meet in the future.”

They bowed. The lights dimmed.

Backstage, the six were swarmed by their hyungs. There was Jaehyun, Jungwoo, WinWin, even Hendery, XiaoJun, Kun, the rest of WayV.

Donghyuck closed his eyes and prayed that this could be enough for him.

“Hey. Move over.”

Donghyuck woke up with a gasp, the demons and horned creatures haunting the space in his head retreating with the dream. He squinted into the semi-darkness of his room, disoriented. “Wha -”

“Roll over, c’mon.”

There was something swatting at his back, so he obediently shuffled closer to the wall. The sheets were tugged off him as someone slid under them. Absently, Donghyuck registered the plinking of raindrops outside.

Something cold touched his toes and he recoiled further into himself. There was a huff of laughter behind him. “Sorry.”

Donghyuck brought his hand up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. It came away wet - why was it wet? “Mark hyung?”

The silence that follows somehow feels surprised. It is so undeniably Mark that Donghyuck smiles to himself. “Yeah. We just touched down, I’m sorry I missed the concert. Stupid time difference, I really thought we were gonna make it.”

A sniff. Of course he did. “Issokay.”

“I caught the live stream though. Cost a hell lot up in the plane but whatever, company can foot the bill. I was so proud of all of you, you won’t believe it.”

“Yeah?”

There was a shuffling of the sheets and a hand touched Donghyuck’s cheeks. “Hey, you okay? Whatever it was, it was all a bad dream. C’mere. Like when we were kids.” Donghyuck couldn’t bring himself to argue and sighed in contentment as a pair of arms wrapped around him. “Tell me about your dream?”

“You were gone.” Donghyuck’s voice was rough and scratchy from sleep. Later that day he’d find it in himself to be embarrassed, but right then he couldn’t care less. “I couldn’t find you no matter how hard I tried.”

“I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck took a deep breath. The smell of Mark’s shampoo filled his nose, sweet and familiar. He hadn’t changed the brand since they were kids. “When they said we were in the same group, all of us, I thought we could be together forever. “

“I know, I felt the same way.”

“Hyung. I really, really don’t want to graduate.”

The arms closed tighter. “Shh. Don’t think too much, you must be exhausted. Just know this - you and I? We’re gonna be friends till we’re old and grey. On or off the stage. I don’t care what life throws at us.”

The steady rhythm of the raindrops and the warm feeling all around were slowly lulling Donghyuck back into unconscious. “Promise?”

“Promise.”