Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kowalski knocked on the door of Private’s room. “Are you doing alright?”

Private, who was currently curled up in his bed, made no effort to respond.

 “Skipper didn’t mean what he said,” Kowalski insisted. “On top of that, what he said was completely incorrect. You are incredibly important to this unit.” 

Once again, his words were met with silence. 

“You are in there, correct?” 

“Yes,” Private confirmed from under his covers. “And knowing he didn’t mean it doesn’t make it hurt any less.” He hugged his unicorn plush a bit tighter to his chest, struggling against the tears welling up in his eyes. 

Kowalski sighed. “I know. Is there anything I can get for you?”

Normally, Private would’ve appreciated the offer, but for now, he wanted to be left alone. “Just… don’t let Rico blow up the door, please.” 

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best.”

With that, he was gone, leaving Private all alone in with the dark, his plush, and the memory of the stupid conflict he had just had with Skipper. 

Private and Skipper had gotten into an argument over something trivial, something neither one of them truly cared about. It started out harmlessly, but Skipper had mentioned Savio, which led Private to mention Hans, and Skipper did not appreciate that, and everything spiraled out of control. Their argument came to a close when Private said Skipper was being pushy and controlling, and Skipper immediately shot back Private was too naive to be any real contribution to the team. 

Private ran to his room in tears, locked the door behind him, curled up beneath his blankets, and sobbed. 

Skipper didn’t mean what he said.  He was just stubborn and determined to have the last word about everything. He never meant to make Private cry, but knowing that didn’t make things any better. 

Unexpectedly, his phone - which was lying face-down on his bedside table - started ringing. 

Answering it wasn’t a particularly appealing idea, but it might be someone calling for help, which was something he couldn’t ignore. 

Besides, he was desperate for a distraction. 

He reluctantly picked up his phone. There was no caller ID, and the number was an unfamiliar one, but he answered it anyways. “Hello?”

Unfortunately, the voice on the other end of the line was one he recognized immediately. “Private, cariño , it’s been such a long time since I’ve gotten the chance to speak with you!” 

This couldn’t be happening. “Savio? We… we put you in jail a week ago.” His voice was still a bit shaky from crying, but he hoped Savio would chalk that up to fear. 

Then again, it wasn’t like he cared if Savio knew he was upset. He just didn’t want to give an enemy another way to get under his skin. 

“Indeed. Not very…  tasteful of you.”  

The comment wasn’t lost on Private, but he remained silent. He didn’t intend to dignify Savio’s reference to cannibalism with a response.

Savio didn’t seem too disappointed about Private’s unwillingness to acknowledge his statement. “Do you know how irritating it is to clean up the brutal slaughter of half a dozen police officers?” 

“I can’t say I do, but Rico might,” Private responded indifferently. “Why are you calling me, of all people?” 

“Well, everyone else has me blocked, so alas, I must threaten all four memebers of the team through your phone. No hard feelings?”

Private rolled his eyes. “I’m going to hang up on you.” 

“Just hand the phone over to the leader if you don’t want to talk,” Savio suggested.

“He’s… he’s not here at the moment.” His voice was trembling again. There was no disguising it now; he could only hope Savio would mistake his misery for fear. 

“Perhaps you would be interested in passing a message to Skipper.” 

“Perhaps,” Private repeated, wiping his eyes as he waited for a reply. 

There was only silence from the other end of the line. For a moment, he thought the call had been interrupted. 

That wasn’t the case. “Are you crying ?” Savio asked after a long pause. 

“No!” snapped Private. “Also, it’s none of your business!” 

“So you are,” he concluded. “I assume it has something to do with Skipper.” 

“You’re wrong.” 

“And you are lying.” 

Private didn’t respond to that, mostly because it was true.

“Giving both him and me the silent treatment?” 

“I am not,” Private objected. He wasn’t giving anyone the silent treatment. In fact, he would be perfectly willing to have a conversation with Skipper… as soon as he calmed down. “I just… need a bit of space right now.” 

“That must be tricky when you’re under the same roof. What would you say if I invited you over to my place and-”

“Absolutely not,” Private interrupted before Savio could get any further. 

“Not even for tea?”

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because we’re enemies,” Private said. Also, you are, without a shadow of a doubt, the worst person I know.

“We are,” Savio agreed, “but you have had tea with Hans and Dr. Blowhole, and they are also your enemies.” 

Private figured he should be concerned about where Savio had gotten this information, but he had more pressing matters to deal with at the moment.

Such as explaining to a certain someone the idea of being left unattended with him was the exact OPPOSITE of appealing. 

“Hans and Dr. Blowhole are relatively pleasant to be around when they’re taking some time off from scheming,” Private pointed out. “More importantly, they don’t send me incredibly descriptive letters about what they’d do to me if we were alone.” 

Savio chuckled. “So that’s what this is about.” 

“Of course that’s what this is about!” 

“No harm will come to you if you choose to join me for tea. I give you my word.”  

“I’ll just go ahead and believe you, because you’ve given me so many reasons to trust you in the past.” 

“You know, sarcasm is actually quite painful when it comes from you.” 

Although this conversation had most likely started with a point, it obviously wasn’t going anywhere and Private didn’t see any reason to continue it. “I’m hanging up.” 

“Fine,” Savio said. “Just know my doors are always open.” 

“Perhaps you should close them,” Private suggested. “The house you live in is so beautiful, and it would be a shame if any vermin ended up inside those walls. Besides you, of course.” 

He ended the call before Savio could respond, slammed his phone back onto the table, and went back underneath his blankets. He deserved a break after that.

Chapter Text

Unfortunately, the break wasn’t very long. About 10 minutes after Private got off the phone with Savio, someone knocked on the door. 

He was tempted to just ignore it until whoever was there went away. Then, Julien asked, “Hey, are you in here?” and suddenly looking the other way wasn’t an option anymore. 

He hauled himself out of bed, silently cursing his team’s protocol about not ignoring clients, and opened the door. “Did you need something?” 

“Maurice and Mort went to the store without me,” Julien complained. “They said last time we were out, I 'made too much of a scene,’ and now I am bored.” 

“Surely Rico would love to spend time with you,” offered Private. 

“I am sure of that too, but at this moment he’s being lectured by Kowalski for mauling Skipper.” 

“Mauling?!” Private repeated, unable to keep the horror out of his tone. Rico got a little out of hand sometimes, but he had never injured a fellow agent - at least, not too badly - before now.

“Just a little bit,” Julien said, waving away Private’s concerns. “Rico only tackled him.” 

He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Why on earth would you use a word like ‘mauling’ then?”

“I have a flair for the dramatic,” the prince said, flipping his hair over his shoulder. 

He didn’t doubt it. After all, Julien probably watched more soap operas in a week than Private had in his life. “So is… everyone okay?” 

Julien evidently knew who he was truly concerned about. “Skipper is fine.” 

First Savio, now this. He should’ve known better than to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Oh well. “Do you know where he is?” 

“I believe he is currently sulking in your ultra-top-secret-basement-elevator thing.” 

Private gave him a dubious look.

“Um… the one I do not know about,” Julien clarified, clasping his hands in front of him and smiling innocently. 

“Should I pretend I didn’t hear that?” 

“Yes, that would be most wonderful,” Julien said gratefully. After a moment, he added, “Also, I’m still bored.” 

“What do you expect me to do about that?” 

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Tell me a story of a fantastical land, watch the latest episode of the reality show playing today, let me in on all the juicy details about the little dispute going on between you and Skipper, I’m easy to entertain.” 

Private sighed. He did want to talk to someone about everything that had happened. Between the earlier argument and the conversation with Savio, he was desperate for an outside opinion, and even though Julien was a bit… scatterbrained, he was always quick to point out things he thought were important. Most of the time, his perspective wasn’t very helpful… 

But there was a first time for everything, right?

“I told Skipper he was controlling, and then he told me I wasn’t a valuable asset to this team.” 

“That’s what this is about?” Julien asked, sounding disappointed. “He got mad at you for pointing out the obvious?” 

“I don’t think he saw it as ‘pointing out the obvious,’” Private said with a sad smile, “but I suppose so.” 

“What happened after that?” 

“Well, I started crying and went to my room. Then, Savio called me - he apparently wanted to threaten us and I’m the only one who doesn’t have him blocked - and ended up canceling his attack plans and inviting me over for tea instead.” 

“He invited you over for tea?” Julien was clearly taken aback. “ Savio - the scary cannibal leading a huge drug operation - invited you to a tea party?” 

“Yes, and I told him I wasn’t interested. He promised he wouldn’t hurt me, but I don’t trust him.” 

“Does he even drink tea?” 

“I don’t have the foggiest idea,” Private admitted. “Even if he does, I’m still not comfortable being alone with him. Especially alone in his house .” 

“Ooh, Skipper said something about Savio’s house a few days ago! He and Kowalski were talking about taking pictures of something in an office.”  

“They were?” Private hadn’t been informed of this plan. He probably shouldn't be surprised though; his team tended to hide any plans they thought would stress him out, and everything about Savio made him nervous. 

“I wasn’t supposed to be hearing him, but yes. Kowalski started talking about trespassing, or maybe not trespassing, but that’s the time I lost interest.” 

“He would be the one to bring up the legal trouble we could run into if we invited ourselves into someone’s house,” Private said. After all, Kowalski was probably the only reason the lot of them hadn’t been arrested ages ago.

“But he invited you,” Julien pointed out. “Wouldn’t that be helpful for the mission?” 

“I wasn’t told about the mission,” Private confessed. “I doubt they would let me go by myself anyway.” 

“Probably not. Did he say why he called?” 

“Not really.” 

But that doesn’t mean he’s not planning something, Private realized with a start. He could be planning to attack us or hurt innocent people and I’m the only one who knows. I have to do something. 

Julien asked the same question on Private’s mind: “What are you going to do?” 

He could tell the rest of his unit, but he knew for a fact they wouldn’t let him go by himself. They didn’t trust Savio to play nice or even fair, regardless of what he said his intentions were, not to mention Private had the unfortunate habit of trusting all the wrong people. 

Then again, Private would never dream of letting his guard down around Savio. 

So if he snuck in… found some financial records… snapped a few pictures and sent them to someone’s phone… they would have concrete evidence to finally put Savio behind bars, possibly for good this time. Maybe he could do this on his own. 

But Julien couldn’t keep a secret to save his life, so the less he knew, the better. 

“I’m going to wait. If he’s going to strike, he’ll do it in the next few days. Besides, I shouldn’t go anywhere near that maniac without backup.” It sounded like a lie to him, but Julien didn’t seem to question it.

“I guess that is fair,” he said with a shrug. “But you know what isn’t ? I’M STILL BORED.” 

“I’m n-n-not apologizing!” Rico snapped over his shoulder as he walked into the room. “Just because he’s our l-leader doesn’t mean he can s-s-say shit like that.” 

“Apologizing is not mandatory,” Kowalski called after him, “but you do have to calm down before you hurt someone.” 

“I’m not g-going to hurt any-” He was cut off as Julien barreled into him, knocking the two of them to the ground.

“You’ve been gone forever!” Julien proclaimed, wrapping his arms around Rico and snuggling against his chest. 

“I was gone for about t-t-twenty minutes,” Rico mumbled, rolling his eyes and returning the hug. Then, he glanced over at Private and got to his feet, pulling Julien up with him. “We’re gonna blow something up, w-want to help?” 

“No thanks,” Private said. “Perhaps you could invite Kowalski.” 

“Oooh, can we?” Julien asked excitedly. 

“He already said no,” Rico sighed. “He’s in h-his lab.” 

“Maybe next time,” Julien said, disappointed. 

As the two of them were leaving, Rico turned back to Private. “Skipper's wrong. We need you here.” 

With that, he closed the door behind him. 

Private decided he would stay in his room until he was sure Kowalski was in his lab and Rico and Julien were… doing whatever it is they did (hopefully something legal, but Private doubted it). 

When he was certain everyone else was occupied, he silently snuck out the door and started walking in the direction of Savio’s house.

Chapter Text

Private had definitely experienced his fair share of panic-inducing moments. Terror and action were part of the job, and he couldn’t do anything to avoid it. 

He watched his friends narrowly avoid death while he was captured and unable to do anything to help them. He was there every time one of Kowalski’s inventions went horrifically wrong and threatened to blow up half the city. He had stared down the barrel of a gun - sometimes literally - more times than he could count. 

This - standing all alone on Savio’s front porch with no backup whatsoever - was an entire new level of dread. He might as well be digging his own unmarked grave a thousand miles away from everyone he ever cared about. 

He took a deep breath, pushed his phone deeper into his pocket, desperately hoping it wasn’t visible, and knocked on the door. 

There was no response, and Private wondered if he should knock again. 

Then, the door opened. 

Savio looked surprised to see him standing there, but he recovered quickly. “Mi amigo!” he said, breaking into a (rather unnerving) smile. “It’s so good to see you!” 

Private’s First Rule of Having Tactical Tea with Enemies and Not Getting Killed: 

Act civil. 

“Likewise,” Private said in a cheerful tone that could not have sounded genuine. 

The lack of sincerity was either unnoticed or unconcerning. “I’m glad you could make it. Please, come in.” 

He took a step forward and tried not to flinch when the door slammed shut. 

Savio stepped in front of him. “Follow me.” 

Private nodded - even though he felt like he was being led to his own execution - and followed him down the hall and into what must’ve been the living room. Savio sat on one of the chairs, and Private nervously did the same, choosing the one across from him. He looked at the artwork hanging on the walls, the pattern on the carpet, the light fixtures hanging from the ceiling, anywhere and everywhere except at Savio, who was focusing on him with a bit more intensity than he was comfortable with. 

“Your house is quite lovely,” Private said, mostly to get Savio to say something instead of just staring at him. 

Savio gave him an amused look. “Too lovely for… how did you put it… vermin like myself to be living in?” 

“I didn’t mean that,” Private protested, his cheeks coloring. “I was just… angry, and I say silly things when I’m upset.” He looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry if I said something hurtful.” 

He was sorry, but only because it was making things difficult for him now. 

“Hurtful?” Savio repeated with a laugh. “I found it amusing. Your little attempt to offend me was so adorable I could just eat you up!” 

Private didn’t like the sound of that. “I was told no harm would come to me,” he reminded Savio, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. 

Savio held his hands up in mock surrender. “My apologies, it’s a habit.” 

“Then all’s well that ends well, I suppose,” he said. The two of them sat in silence for a moment. 

Private’s Second Rule of Having Tactical Tea with Enemies and Not Getting Killed: 

Find out whatever you possibly can. 

Unfortunately, Savio wasn’t going to tell him anything about his latest plan or probably anything important, for that matter. The only time Private ever got any information from the man was when he was literally sitting on Savio lap - which he wasn’t remotely comfortable with even when Savio was tied to a chair and Skipper was giving him a death glare from across the room, let alone when they were unattended and this maniac was in his own home. 

So that left small talk and possibly exploring, if he could get away from Savio long enough to actually find anything. 

Private pushed the thought out of his mind. He couldn’t do anything with Savio in the room with him. “What kind of tea are we having?” 

“Do you have a preference?” Savio asked, getting to his feet. 

“Not really. Well…” Private pretended to think for a moment. “I do like pretty cups, so if you happen to have any, they would be very much appreciated.” 

“It won’t be as pretty as you, but I’m sure I can find something.” 

Private forced a smile on his face even though his stomach was turning. “Thank you.”

As soon as Savio was out of the room, Private pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had three new messages from Skipper, but he ignored them for now, instead pulling up the rough map of this house Kowalski had drawn on his whiteboard a while ago. If he was reading it correctly, the office, which was most likely where any financial records were kept, was two doors down from the one he was in now and the opposite way Savio had gone. 

He stood up and began making his way to the office, moving as quickly and quietly as possible. Luckily, the door was open, so he didn’t need to worry about squeaky hinges alerting anyone of his presence. 

The desk in the middle of the room was a mess, covered in assorted notebooks and papers. Private crept closer and used his phone camera to take photos of anything that looked interesting. He sent each picture to Rico, who didn’t check his phone often enough to notice them for at least another day. 

There was a notification signaling another message from Skipper, which he could read later. Right now, he was on a mission. 

One that Savio was about to know about. Private could hear footsteps somewhere down the hall. 

Private’s Third Rule of Having Tactical Tea with Enemies and Not Getting Killed:

Know when to cut your losses and RUN. 

He got what he came for, so he darted out of the room with the intention of going back where he started and ducked into the first doorway he saw. 

Which was, as luck would have it, not the living room at all. It was the guest bedroom one door to the left of the living room. 

Private couldn’t help it; he was officially panicking. The only thing worse than being cornered by Savio was being cornered by Savio in a bedroom, of all places. Unsure of what else to do, Private curled up in the corner of the room’s only closet, shut the door as quietly as he possibly could, and reached for his phone to message his team. 

It wasn’t in his pocket, so he cracked open the door just enough to peek into the room and was immediately overwhelmed with dread.

“How adorable,” Savio mused, bending down to pick up the item Private so carelessly left behind. “Someone thinks he can hide even though he left a trail - not to mention his only means of communication - right here for me to find.” 

Private didn’t respond. 

“I invite you over for tea, welcome you into my home, and in return, you sneak around my office. Traidor .”

Once again, Private remained silent. Even he couldn’t say anything to make his actions seem harmless. 

“I, for one, am hurt,” Savio continued. “You barely even tried to convince me your little tea party charade was legitimate.” 

“The tea party charade wasn’t mine to begin with,” Private retorted, trying to sound calm and collected even though he wanted to scream. “I was just playing along.” 

“I expected as much.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I expected you to try something like this, although how eager you were to abandon all decorum is a bit… difficult to swallow. ” 

Private barely paid attention to the second half of Savio’s statement. Words that would’ve normally made his skin crawl were overshadowed by the fact Savio had quite possibly planned all of this.

And he fell for it hook, line, and sinker. 

“My team will find me.” 

He could almost hear the smirk in Savio’s voice. “If they even notice you’re gone.” 

They would notice. They would have to notice. 

His heart sank. They wouldn’t notice. Everyone in that apartment knew when to back off, they wouldn’t go barging into his room after he asked to be left alone. Instead, they would assume the silence beyond the door was just him choosing not to respond and leave it at that.

“They… they will,” Private choked out.

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“You’re wrong. They’ll notice eventually.” 

“Ah, but will they do anything? Or will they think you left because you were upset and not go after you?” 

“They’d follow me even if I told them not to.” 

Which wasn’t necessarily true. 

Skipper and Rico would want to go after him regardless of his words, but Kowalski would most likely talk them out of it. Of course, if he knew his friend was in danger, he’d be just as eager to rush into danger as Skipper was, but the last time they had talked, Private had assured him he just needed to be alone for a while, and Kowalski would no doubt pass that on to the rest of the group. 

“Would they really?” Savio inquired, taking another step closer to Private’s hiding spot and leaning toward him. “No one made any real effort to comfort you when you were crying.” 

“Kowalski did! I wanted to be left alone, and he respected my boundaries!” 

“I am just saying-” 

“Nothing,” Private interrupted furiously. “You aren’t saying anything. Just be quiet.” 

Savio huffed an exasperated sigh. “Fine. But before I go, I thought I would give you some information to chew-.” 

“Get on with it.” 

Savio pulled open the closet door and locked eyes with Private. “Your team will definitely come for you. It is obvious. What is less obvious, though, is the hidden troops I have positioned to the north and west, ready to slaughter them the moment they show up. Even knowing this, you have absolutely no way of alerting them.” He glanced down at the stolen phone in his hand. “Oh, and Skipper sent you a message. How cute, he thinks he’ll get the chance to make up with you.”

Normally, Private was the peaceful one. He was the one who would ask Skipper to let them try a nonviolent approach, because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. He just wasn’t the type to lash out in any situation. 

But something about the statement pushed him too far.

“What the bloody hell is the matter with you?!” Private snapped, not even thinking as he leapt up and lunged in Savio’s direction, frantically trying to reclaim his only means of communication. 

Savio effortlessly avoided him and was standing in the doorway before Private even got the chance to process what happened. “I promise you’ll have front-row seats when the time comes to make them suffer.” 

With that, he stepped into the hallway, slammed the door shut, and locked it from the outside, leaving Private all alone with the knowledge that could end the lives of the three people he cared most about. 

Chapter Text

What Skipper said was stupid. That, he would readily admit. 

Well, not “readily,” but if it meant knowing Private was safe and accounted for, he could swallow his pride and admit he was wrong. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be infinitely better than having no idea where Private was. 

“Any sign of him?” Skipper asked, clutching his coffee mug in shaking hands. 

Kowalski, who was sitting at the kitchen table and working on something that seemed  to be a toaster, but was probably some crazy device destined to explode violently if someone so much as looked at it the wrong way, put his tools down and frowned. “Have you considered perhaps he went to get a snow cone or along with Julien and Rico or simply somewhere you are not ?” 

That had crossed his mind, but wasn’t the answer he was looking for. Private always told someone where he was going; running off with no rhyme or reason just wasn’t like him. “Wouldn’t he tell us if he was going somewhere? What if he’s in real danger?!”  

“Private can take care of himself,” Kowalski said firmly. “Besides, I’m sure wherever he went, he brought his phone with him, so he can call if he needs anything.” 

“Can’t you just track his phone?” Skipper pleaded. 

“I could, but I’m not going to. Private needs some space right now, and we’ll have the best end result if we back off for the time being.” 

Skipper collapsed on the chair across from Kowalski. “I’m just… worried about him. What if he does something stupid because of what I said?” 

“Private isn’t a fan of danger even when we’re with him,” Kowalski pointed out. “Do you really think he’s the type to throw himself into an unsafe situation because of something you said?” 

“I hope not,” Skipper mumbled. Then, after a moment, he added, “And I need more coffee.” He got up from the table, expecting a brief lecture about the dangers of too much caffeine, but Kowalski remained silent. 

“Your irrational panic has derailed my train of thought,” he finally said, carefully picking up his invention and cradling it in one arm. “I’m going to work on this in my room.” 

“Sorry,” Skipper said weakly, refilling his cup. 

“Don’t be. But… Skipper?” 

He sat back down at the table. “What?” 

“I’m not the best at giving emotional counsel,” Kowalski said, looking at the floor, “but I truly believe the two of you will be okay.” 

Skipper took a sip of his drink and didn’t respond. 

“My assumption is backed by statistics and past probability,” Kowalski offered before proceeding to his room. 

“Because your calculations are always spot on,” Skipper replied, raising his voice just enough for the other to hear him clearly. 

“They are this time,” Kowalski promised, then closed his door behind him. 

Skipper didn’t like putting too much faith into promises - not that anyone on his team intentionally broke them, things usually just didn't work out the way they planned - but at this point, he didn’t know what else he could do. 

He drank his coffee slowly, letting Kowalski’s words replay in his head over and over like a broken record and pretending to believe them.

Chapter Text

Private sat on the edge of the bed and emptied the contents of his pockets out onto the cover. The end result was strawberry lip balm, three pieces of hard candy, 73 cents in change, a broken pen, and a single earring most likely belonging to Julien. Not even Kowalski could whip something up with that. In fact, Kowalski would’ve probably scolded him for his lack of useful items, pulled out some intricate lockpick he designed himself, and had everyone out five minutes ago. 

Unfortunately, Kowalski wasn’t here. 

On the other hand, Private was pretty sure he had a paperclip somewhere in one of his shoes - Rico had hidden some office supplies around the house one day for some ridiculous reason, and it hadn’t bothered him enough to get rid of it - that he could probably use as a lockpick. 

As long as no one was right outside. 

Private got up and knocked on the door. “Is anyone here?” he asked softly. 

“Yes,” answered a gruff voice from the hallway. 

“Oh.” This complicated his almost-nonexistent escape plan. “Do you know where Savio is right now?” 

“I shouldn’t talk to you,” the man replied stiffly. 

“Well, I figured. I was just curious.” His statement wasn’t a lie. The overwhelming dread Private was currently experiencing could probably be classified as curiosity. 

There was no response. 

“So…” Private sat cross-legged on the ground, facing the door. “What’s your name?” 

“Why are you trying to have a conversation with me?” The guard’s tone was less angry and more confused, which Private took as a good sign. Maybe he could be reasoned with. “Aren’t you and the boss enemies?” 

“Yes, but just because you work for him doesn’t mean you’re the same as Savio.” 

“Um… thank you,” the man said, sounding surprised. After a few moments of silence, he added, “My name is Ray.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Or at least relatively nice, given the circumstances. “I’m Private.” 

“I know.” 

Another pause. 

“If you don’t mind my asking, why are you working for Savio anyways?” 

“Are you always this talkative when you’re being held hostage?” Ray asked. 

“It depends who’s with me and how they’ll react,” Private answered honestly. If he was with his team, he would talk about anything and everything. Kowalski and Skipper called it a self-soothing mechanism. 

Rico just called it annoying. 

Private didn’t let that stop him, because talking to someone - pretty much anyone - was better than being alone with his thoughts, even if whoever he was with didn’t much appreciate it. However, if he was being guarded by someone hostile, he would be quiet, but… “I feel like if you were going to snap at me, you would’ve done it instead of telling me your name.” 

“Probably,” Ray agreed. “And… I’m here because I made some… mistakes a few years back and got tied up with this organization.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me,” the guard said, although he sounded more sad than anything else. “I’m guarding the door of the room you’re locked in right now, why are you apologizing to me?” 

“It sounds like you don’t want to be here.” He could practically hear Skipper telling him, Don’t empathize with our enemies’ henchmen, it dulls your edge. 

But what else did he have at this point? 

“I think it’s unfair to be forced into a workplace you don’t like,” Private continued, pushing any thoughts of Skipper out of his mind. He needed to stay in the moment. “Especially when it’s run by someone like Savio. I hope you can find something better someday.” 

“Okay, you’re way too sweet to be here,” Ray said. “Savio made your entire group sound like a bunch of psychopaths.” 

Rico was probably a mild sociopath, but that information wasn’t particularly helpful at the moment, so Private didn’t mention it. “They tend to become aggressive when angry,” he said instead. “Speaking of which, when they show up to rescue me, you might want to get out of here. Skipper will take down anyone between me and the rest of the team.” 

“I hope they make it.” 

Private must’ve misheard him. “Wait, what?” 

“I hope your team makes it here,” he said. “I don’t know exactly what Savio is planning, but I don’t like the look he gets when he mentions you.” 

“They will,” Private said. He hadn’t even considered he would be alone with Savio if everyone else was defeated. He probably didn’t need to worry about it.  

They would make it, and he would be fine. 

Even though he had no phone or current allies, everyone had Savio blocked so there was no way he could tell them, Julien thought he never left, and no one else even knew Savio called… 

“They… they’ll… be…” They’ll be gunned down by Savio’s men and it’s all my fault because I’m just as naive as Skipper said. 

“You okay?” 

No phone or current allies. He might have one of those things, and maybe, just maybe a way to get the other. 

“Do you have a phone?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

It was a shot in the dark, but one Private had to take. “Do you suppose I could… borrow it for just a second?” 

“I really don’t think-” 

“Please,” Private interrupted. “I’ll do anything.” 

“Anything?” Ray repeated. 

Private hated where this was going, but doing nothing could end the lives of his three closest friends. 

“Anything.” I told myself I would never go this far, but if it’s the only way to save Skipper… I don’t know what else to do.

“Your group has a tech guy, right?” Ray asked. 

The conversation had taken an unexpected - and incredibly welcome - turn. “Yes.” 

“Is there any way he could… hack into Savio’s computer and delete my information?” 

Kowalski had said (on more than one occasion) Savio’s computer and technology systems were almost insulting to work with. Private wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but it was probably safe to assume it was possible. “I think so.” 

“Well, then it’s a risk I’ll just have to take,” Ray decided. “The records Savio currently has on me connects my name to my wife and daughter, and I don’t want him to be able to track them down and hurt them.” 

It was times like these Private was glad he was better with empathy and reasoning than with brute force. “I’ll do everything I can,” he promised.

 Ray unlocked the door and opened it just enough to slip his phone into Private’s hand. “I’m dead if Savio figures this out.” 

“Speaking of Savio, he has no way of tracking your phone, right?” 

“It’s a personal phone, not a company-issued phone, if that’s what you’re asking. Besides, the boss isn’t exactly… tech-savvy, so if you don’t get his attention, it should be okay.” 

“I’ll be quiet, and thank you so much.” Private went to sit in the corner, as far away from the door and the main air vent as he could. There was no way of telling if the room (or even the phone itself) was bugged, but couldn’t afford to worry about it at the moment. 

He needed to call someone, but who? Skipper didn’t answer calls from unknown numbers. If Rico hadn’t noticed the photos yet, he wasn’t going to answer right now anyways. In the unlikely occasion that Julien would’ve been any help, he had recently gotten a new number. 

That left just one person. 

Kowalski picked up the phone on the second ring.“Hello? If this is a scam, I’m going to request you hang up now.” 

Relief washed over him. “Thank goodness you answered.” 

“Private? Where are you right now? Skipper’s been tearing up the apartment looking for you.” 

There was absolutely no way to make this sound good. “I’m… well, I’m locked in a guest bedroom in Savio’s house.” 

“You’ve been at Savio’s house? Are you okay?” 

“I’ll be fine,” Private said, although he probably sounded unconvincing. “Now’s probably not the best time to tell you this, but-”

“Before you say anything else, is anyone listening in?” Leave it to Kowalski to bring that up within the first thirty seconds of a phone call. 

Still, Private was grateful for the caution. “Not that I know of.” 

“Carry on, and give me the abridged version, please.” 

“Savio called me earlier today and threatened the four of us, found out I was crying, and then invited me over for tea. I thought it sounded like a trap, but Julien brought up some good points, so I decided to go alone.” 

“That was an absolutely horrible idea.” 

“I know, I shouldn’t have tried to do it alone.” 

“No, it was a horrible idea to listen to Julien,” he clarified. “He’s very sweet and really does mean well, but has no experience in our line of work.” 

“I just… I thought I could prove Skipper wrong.” 

“By getting yourself captured?” Kowalski asked gently. 

“That part wasn’t intentional,” Private said. “For what it’s worth, I did manage to get a few pictures of some of Savio’s records of recent drug sales. He has surprisingly pretty handwriting.” 

“So you got some photos, but Savio currently has your phone,” Kowalski summarized, ignoring the last part of the statement. “It’s safe to assume we won’t be getting those photos in the near future.” 

“Actually, you already have them. I sent them to Rico’s phone.” 

“So we would have access to them immediately but wouldn’t be alerted until Rico checked his phone.” Kowalski didn’t sound disappointed or angry, as Private had feared. Instead, he sounded almost proud. “I don’t know what outcome you were expecting, but that part of the plan was sound.” 

“I don’t know what outcome I was expecting either. I didn’t expect to be captured, but I guess I overestimated how much Savio would let me get away with. Skipper would be so disappointed in me.” 

“At this point, he’d just be happy that you’re in one piece. For now, let’s just focus on keeping you that way. Do you have an escape plan?” 

“Well… most of my escape plans involve you coming to rescue me,” Private admitted sheepishly. 

“And we will,” Kowalski assured him. “We just need to know the safest way to do it. Knowing Savio, he’s planning to use you as bait. Did he let anything slip while monologuing? He’s done that a few times in the past, if I remember correctly.” 

“Actually, yes. He said he had troops positioned to the north and west of his house, so I think that’s the front door… and the general direction of our place, right?” 

“Correct. We can call Savio-” 

“Wait,” Private interrupted frantically. “Don’t let him figure out you know about the traps. He can’t even know I called you.” 

“He won’t. He most likely planned we’d find you by tracking your phone’s location,” Kowalski explained, speaking with reassuring confidence. “One of us will call him - probably Skipper, just because he’ll have the closest emotional response to the one Savio is expecting - and agree to follow his demands. Then, we’ll show up at the back door ten minutes later and bring the police.” 

“That’s a good plan,” Private said, relieved that someone even had a plan in the first place. “Oh, and there’s one more thing. Do you think you can hack into Savio’s computer?” 

Kowalski snorted. “Honestly, I’m insulted you’d even ask that. Savio’s ‘technology’ is incredibly underdeveloped. I would be surprised if he even knows how to clear his internet search history.”

“Can you delete some information on a specific person?” 

“Yes, I can. Why?” 

“The phone I used to call you belongs to the man guarding the door.” 

“You talked him into letting you borrow his phone?” Kowalski asked, sounding genuinely impressed. “That’s amazing, even for you.” 

“Well, not quite. I did talk to him, but he let me borrow his phone after I told him I’d do him a favor.” 

“A favor?” Kowalski echoed skeptically. “You didn’t do anything… distasteful, did you?” 

“It wasn’t that kind of favor,” he protested. “I mean, I would’ve done it, if that was the only way - please do not tell Skipper I said that - but he wanted you to get rid of Savio’s information on him. You can, right?” 

“I’ll see what I can do.” 

“You’re the best,” Private said cheerfully. 

Kowalski sighed dramatically. “I know. We’ll be there soon, okay? Just hold on a little bit longer.” With that, he hung up. 

His team was coming for him. They knew what was happening, they knew what Savio was going to try, and most importantly, they knew how to avoid it. 

Private knocked on the door. “Thank you again,” he said softly. 

“Is your team coming to save you?” Ray asked just as quietly, carefully opening the door just enough to retrieve his phone. 

“Yes, and they’re bringing the police.” 

“The police?” the guard repeated, sounding nervous. “I’m going to get in trouble for working with Savio.” 

Private hadn’t even thought about that. “Well… maybe they’ll let you off the hook if you agree to testify against him?” he offered, even though he honestly had no idea. “And if you help me escape, my team might even agree to let you go before anyone shows up.” 

“I’ll help in any way I possibly can,” Ray told him. “Just hold up your end of the deal, okay?” 

“I give you my word,” Private promised. “My team will see what we can do as soon as we can.” 

For now, though, he could only wait hope everything would go according to plan.

Chapter Text

“Listen here, you piece of shit,” Skipper snapped into his phone. “I know for a fact you have Private right now, what do you want from us?!” 

Kowalski gave him an encouraging thumbs-up from the other side of the room. Skipper rolled his eyes. Kowalski couldn’t have honestly thought he was acting. He was too smart to not realize Skipper was absolutely furious, both with Savio and with himself. 

“Whatever do you mean?” Savio asked, feigning shock. 

“Don’t play dumb. Kowalski tracked Private’s phone to your place, he couldn’t be anywhere else. So answer the question: what do you want?”

“What do I want?” Savio repeated slowly, as if he were savoring each word. “I want you to suffer and watch each other’s deaths in extremely gruesome detail.” 

“Unfortunately, no one agrees with that option,” Skipper shot back. “Where are you keeping Private?” 

“A bedroom,” Savio practically purred. Skipper had never wanted to punch someone in the face more than he did right now. “I’m sure knowing that makes your skin crawl, hmm?” 

“If you lay a finger on him, I will chop off your hands and shove them so far down your throat you’ll choke to death on your own flesh.” 

Kowalski was no longer giving him a thumbs up or any other sign of approval, but it didn’t matter. Savio wasn’t playing nice, so there was no reason Skipper should either. 

Savio laughed. “Just walk in through the front door, chico. And you better hurry, I’m getting terribly bored of being on my best behavior.” 

Skipper nodded to Kowalski to indicate he had the information, then asked, “If this is your best behavior, what the hell do you consider your worst?” 

“You don’t want to know.” 

Somehow, Skipper didn’t doubt that.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure Savio won’t notice we’re gone?” Private asked, nervously following Ray through the halls of the confusing mansion. Kowalski sent a message to Ray’s phone a few minutes ago to request assistance getting Private to the nearest exit, and surprisingly enough, he had agreed.

Empathy and understanding had finally triumphed over brute force. He couldn’t wait to tell Skipper about this. 

“Not really,” Ray replied tiredly, ushering him towards the back door, “but I want you and your unit to get out of here and clear my family’s name. I’m mostly doing this because I’m selfish.” 

“What you’re doing is the exact opposite of selfish,” Private pointed out. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Ray said, rolling his eyes. “You don’t have time to give me a lecture, just get out of here.” 

“I promise we’ll do everything in our power to help you.” 

Before he could respond, an explosion blew the door off its hinges. Private turned around to face the person responsible. 

“Wh-who’s ass do we n-n-need to kick?” Rico asked, his silhouette emerging through the smoke.

“Must you be so dramatic?” Kowalski sighed. 

“STEP AWAY FROM PRIVATE,” Skipper snapped, shoving past the two of them and pulling Private into his arms. 

The sudden embrace was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome. “Skipper! I’m so glad to see you!” 

“Who’s the guy? Did he hurt you? If he hurt you, I swear- ” 

“He didn’t hurt me,” Private interrupted before Skipper could get any angrier. “He’s the only reason I could get ahold of you in the first place.” 

“He’s the one who allowed Private to borrow his phone and contact me,” Kowalski offered. 

“Yes,” agreed a familiar voice from behind Private, “he did.” 

Savio’s words were immediately followed by a quiet, almost-inaudible slice and a terrible choking sound. 

Private began to turn around if for no other reason but to convince himself he was wrong, that awful noise he just heard was not what he thought it was, but Skipper stopped him. 

“Don’t,” he warned, still holding Private close to him. “You… you just…” 

“I killed a traitor,” Savio told him. Ray’s lifeless body fell to the floor with a sickening thump. “This is nothing new.” 

Private clutched Skippers’s shirt in his shaking fists. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. He promised to help Ray escape Savio. This couldn’t be the way his story ended. 

“On the other hand, it’s nice to see you’ve finally showed up, mis amigos,” Savio said cheerfully. 

“This is r-really fucked up,” Rico mumbled, “and that’s c-c-coming from me.” 

“Originally, I was going to capture and kill the lot of you,” Savio continued, ignoring Rico’s comment. “However, I think you’ll suffer more if I just let you go with the death of an innocent man on your consciences.” 

“You’re the one with blood on your hands,” Skipper shot back. “That’s going to cause you some trouble. Did we mention we called the police around the same time we got here?” 

“You’re bluffing,” Savio said, although he didn’t sound too confident. 

“Are we?” Skipper challenged. 

The doorbell rang. 

“Why don’t you go answer the door if you’re so sure?” 

Savio didn’t respond. 

“Have it your way,” Skipper said nonchalantly. “Rico, go answer the door. Kowalski, take Private home. Rico and I can handle this.” 

“I’m more help when it comes to legalities than he is,” Kowalski protested. “Do you really want Rico sorting things out with the police ?” 

“Do you really want Rico trying to calm down Private?” 

“Fair point.” 

“Rude,” Rico grumbled, following Skipper’s order anyway. 

Private, who was still struggling to wrap his head around what just happened, jumped when Kowalski tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Come on,” he said gently. “Let’s go home.” 

Private reluctantly let go of Skipper and followed Kowalski, not saying a word. 

When the two of them were out the door, Skipper crossed his arms and told Savio, “I don’t understand the sick, twisted joy you get from hurting him, but you’ve done it for the last time. You won’t get away with what you’ve done.” 

“What a naive statement,” Savio chuckled. “I’ve gotten away with much worse. I figured you, of all people, knew that.” 

“There’s too much evidence against you this time,” Skipper stated. 

Savio looked unconcerned. “Evidence or not, I know plenty of people who are willing to stage a little… accident for the right price. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some authority figures to speak with.”

Skipper watched him walk down the hallway and towards the front door. He knew for a fact Savio would escape; that part was guaranteed. 

But it didn’t matter, because the next time he tried anything, they would beat him.

Because they would all be a team again.

Chapter Text

“Feeling any better?” asked Kowalski, placing a cup of Private’s favorite tea on the table and sitting in the chair across from him. 

“Not really, but thanks for caring,” Private said weakly, taking a sip of the drink. It was too hot at the moment, but he didn’t mind. The burn was grounding. 

Kowalski assessed his actions with concern. “Don’t drink it if it’s burning you,” he advised, sounding worried. 

Before Private could respond, their front door violently swung open. “Cops are the w-w-worst,” Rico declared, sauntering into the apartment. 

Kowalski rolled his eyes. “Maybe they would be more friendly towards you if you didn’t break the law so incredibly often.” 

Rico shrugged. “Some laws are meant to be broken.” 

“Nothing is meant to be broken,” he shot back. 

“Oh yeah?” challenged Rico, putting his hands on his hips. “Piñatas. Fortune c-cookies. Most of your inventions.” 

“Stop it, both of you,” Skipper said, shutting the door behind him. “Private, are you okay?” 

Of course he wasn’t okay. An innocent person had been killed and it was his fault. 

I should’ve just been quiet. I should’ve solved the problem on my own. 

“Private?” Skipper repeated, sitting next to him. 

“Ray's dead,” Private said softly, not looking up. “Savio killed him.” 

It was so much more complicated than witnessing a death. Private had seen a few gruesome ends - he had even been responsible for some of them - but it was different when lethal force was used as a method of last resort. Savio murdered someone who mildly inconvenienced him. To make matters worse, Ray had only betrayed his boss because Private convinced him to do it. He wasn’t the one who ended Ray’s life, but he felt so guilty he might as well have slit the man’s throat himself. 

“It’s not like y-y-you haven’t seen that before,” Rico pointed out. He sat down next to Kowalski, who promptly elbowed him in the ribs. “Ow!” 

“You aren’t helping,” he muttered. 

“It’s not just that he’s dead,” Private protested. “It’s that I promised him we’d be able to clear his name so his family wouldn’t have to worry about being tracked down by Savio.” 

“You didn’t break that promise,” Rico offered. “We still can clear h-his name, he just won’t be alive to-” 

Kowalski elbowed him again. “Your bedside manner could use some work, don’t you think?” 

Rico snorted. “I never said I had any bedside manner. I said I was g-g-good in bed, but I guess I don’t have to tell you -” 

“STOP,” Skipper interjected, scooting his chair closer to Private and covering his ears. 

“I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight,” Private said, even though he felt utterly exhausted already. “Would anybody else like to not sleep?” 

Kowalski, who had moved over about six inches - as far away from Rico as possible - said, “I could stay up with you, if that will make you feel better.”

“Can we watch cartoons?” 

“Yes, and we can have popcorn too,” Kowalski promised. 

“So it’s a movie night? I’m inviting Julian,” Rico decided, getting out of his chair. 

Skipper shook his head. “Don’t-” 

“Please ask him to bring the puzzle with the unicorns on it,” Private requested. 

Just like that, it was settled. “Fine. Invite Ringtail. I guess we’re having a movie night, but we’re gonna need blankets and pillows and a lot more snacks. Rico, you’re going on a snack run.” 

“You’re going to legally purchase things on a snack run,” added Kowalski, crossing his arms and giving the man next to him an irritated look. 

“Good idea!” Skipper said in an overly-cheerful voice. “You go with him!” 

Kowalski looked at Skipper, then at Private. “I suppose I put myself in this position by being encouraging,” he said with a sigh. “Don’t say anything too stupid.” 

The two of them were gone before Private could ask Kowalski who he was talking to. He was all alone with Skipper. Now he’s going to yell at me, he thought, blinking back tears. I’m just as useless as he said. 

Skipper turned towards him and crossed his arms. “Listen to me.” His voice was firm.

Here comes the lecture. Hopefully, this would all blow over in a couple days and the two of them would be okay again. He could only stick it out until then.

“I’m sorry,” Skipper said. “I didn’t mean anything I said, and I blame myself for what happened. I was… I was a bad leader and a bad friend.” 

Somehow, knowing Skipper blamed himself was - unintentionally, no doubt - more painful than anything else he could’ve said. 

“You aren’t a bad leader or friend,” Private objected. “It’s not your fault either. I’m the one who decided to run off and try to take down Savio on my own.” 

“If I just knew when to shut up, you would’ve told me when Savio called,” Skipper pointed out. “It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is, that maniac could’ve really hurt you.” 

“I know, I just… I wanted to prove myself to you.”

“Well, you did get us some new evidence,” Skipper said. “Thanks to you, Savio is currently in police custody. You accomplished your mission, and I’m so proud of you.” 

The conversation had taken the best possible change. Skipper wasn’t angry with him, he was proud of him, and Private was absolutely ecstatic! 

“But…” Skipper hesitated for a moment. 

Oh. His excitement faded. This was where it all turned around. 

“I just want you to know you don’t have to prove anything to me,” Skipper told him. “You’re essential to this unit.” 

“Honestly?” Private asked. 

Skipper nodded. “When you were gone, Rico put his shoes on the wrong feet and didn’t even notice, and Kowalski walked into at least three different walls and started a small house fire. Everything falls apart without you here.” He looked away, no longer able to meet Private’s eyes.

“Including me.”

Chapter Text

It was around 3 AM. 

Usually, Private was the first to fall asleep during their movie nights, but he didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to be stuck in an endless loop of blood and lifeless bodies and guilt, so he stayed up with Skipper. 

Which meant snuggles and sitting on Skipper’s lap and forehead kisses and basically everything he lived for, and it worked out, because the two of them were the only two still awake. 

Even though he was the one who had originally offered to stay up, Kowalski had fallen asleep first and with his head on Rico’s shoulder, of all places. 

He was definitely going to get called out tomorrow. 

Rico surprisingly refused to move after Kowalski fell asleep, and so Julien did the only rational thing: climbed onto his boyfriend’s lap and stretched his legs out over Kowalski’s. He had fallen asleep relatively quickly, and Rico followed soon after. 

Skipper covered the three of them with a big blanket, claiming he only did it because he didn’t want anyone to get sick in this house. Private knew the truth; their leader cared about them so much more than he ever told them. 

Just another reason why Private loved him. 

“You still awake?” Skipper asked quietly. 

“Yes,” Private confirmed sleepily. “Just lost in thought, I suppose.” 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“I… I broke a promise. I’m indirectly responsible for someone’s death.” Private’s voice was so soft it was barely audible, but Skipper seemed to understand. 

“No,” he protested. “You didn’t know Savio would find out.” 

Private shifted himself to face Skipper. “Still, I shouldn’t have asked him to do it.” 

“You saved all of us,” he pointed out. “That has to be worth something.” 

“Well, yes, in theory, but an innocent man is dead now and it’s all my-”

Skipper pressed a soft kiss to his lips before he could say another word. Private knew it was more to shut him up than anything else, but that didn’t make it any less wonderful. 

“Shh,” Skipper said, pulling away. “We can worry about this more tomorrow. For now, let’s just watch your show, alright?” 

Private nodded. He didn’t trust himself to form words right now, but it didn’t matter too much. He was watching his favorite show, surrounded by people who cared about him, and being held by the person he loved. 

The person who depended on Private as much as Private depended on him. 

The previous twenty-four hours had been full of stress and drama. The future was unpredictable and no doubt filled with danger. But it didn’t matter. 

Tonight, everything was peaceful and calm.

Private was safe, he was wanted, and that was enough, at least for now. 

Chapter Text

“Indeed. Not very…  tasteful of you.” 

Comments like that were the second biggest reason he absolutely detested Savio. 

(The first came weekly in the mail. If he got another letter from this drug dealer and actual murderer, he was going to lose it.) 

Julien: Be spilling the tea. Is that what the people are saying? 

Private: Almost. 

Julien: You don’t even have to worry about breaking the law because he invited you in!

Private: That is just the worst idea. 

Julien: You’re like a super-top-secret ninja spy-guy vampire! 

Private: That’s the worst idea.

Julien: ROYAL DECREE: WE’RE GOING TO A PARTY!

Private: WE ARE NOT. 

Julien: Excuse me, do you make the decrees? What's this I am hearing? No?

Julien: I suppose that's fair. But you know what isn’t? I’M STILL BORED.

Rico: *Agitated stuttering from the hallway* 

Julien: Oh, never mind.

The only time he ever got any information from Savio was when he was literally sitting on his lap and he wasn’t even REMOTELY comfortable with that even when Savio was TIED TO A FUCKING CHAIR WHILE UNDER THE WATCHFUL EYE OF A VENGEFUL SKIPPER WHO WAS THREATENING TO BASH HIS HEAD IN WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER IF HE TRIED ANYTHING, let alone when he was alone with the maniac in his own goddamn house.

Private: What the bloody hell is wrong with you?!

Savio: Probably the drugs.

Planning Chapters 5-8:  I feel like I don't have the right to kill off anyone in the actual Madagascar universe, so I'll write a character for the sole purpose of killing him off. Is that nice? No. But is it necessary?

Also no. 

He could practically hear Skipper telling him, Don’t empathize with our enemies’ henchmen, it dulls your edge.

He currently felt about as edgy as a sphere.

"He said he had troops positioned to the north and west of his house, so I think that’s the front door… and the general direction of our place, right? I understand geography, now give me a cookie.”

Kowalski: I question your motives, but your plan was carried out almost flawlessly. 

Private: The flaw being this is a fucking nightmare.