Archive of Our Own ^beta

We were drifting like two icebergs out on the ocean

I was doing all I could to keep you close

“And don’t forget these!”

“I’m not taking those.”

“Javi needs to take them.”

“Javi doesn’t need to take them, because Javi was already embarrassed enough.”

Yuzuru pouted but he still wouldn’t back down. Javi would take them in his bag.

“Javi didn’t like them then?” Javier knew the exact moment things would go south with his boyfriend so he quickly tried to downplay the whole situation.

It wasn’t a matter of liking them.

It was a matter of trying to forget.

“I liked them…they were very useful?” Yuzuru climbed on top of the bed and pulled his suitcase aside, the way his once playful eyes were now turning into a predatory look was enough to make Javier gulp and remain still on his spot.

Yuzuru took advantage of that and pulling Javier down by his neck to match his height, he slowly inched their faces together and whispered against his lips, “Then you need to take them.”

Before Javier had any time to finally kiss him, Yuzuru had already pulled him down onto the bed with him, and in a matter of second, he had two thick thighs on each side of his hips, straddling him and making sure he wouldn’t escape.

As he felt his wrist being pinned above his head, he finally heard the real reason behind his partner’s latest tantrum.

As if he had doubted for a second of his true intentions.

“You must wear these pants in training so that everyone knows who Javi belongs to.”

Javier laughed, he would miss this.

He would miss everything about this.

But they would be okay.

Javier had faith in them.

There were troubles in the water, you swore it was nothing

You said that we would always stay afloat

“I waited for so long!”

“I’m sorry…things were insane once I landed.”

“People don’t know Javi in Spain my ass.”

“Hey, you can’t hog all the fangirls in the world.”

Yuzuru scoffed and pretended that the pang on his chest didn’t briefly take his breath away.

He trusted Javier.

“I bet it was only Javi’s family there.”

You can finally be with them. A family I was never really part of.

“Oh it’s on now, I’ll make even the Japanese aunties come to Revolution this year.”

I hope you do.

I hope you get everything you ever wished for.

“Just remember to pick up the phone, you idiot.”

Don’t forget me.

 “Yuzu it’s been only a few hours since I left.”

And I already miss you desperately.

“I know, it’s not like I miss you at all. I have Jun.”

Nobody will replace you.

“Please don’t torture the kid.”

If he were to be honest, Jun had been a great help whenever he felt lonely. It was like the younger skater knew exactly when Yuzuru needed a sudden hug or a random invitation for some tea.

They were used to being the ones left behind.

And if they both cried silently when the news of Javier’s definitive departure had reached the club.

Neither had ever talked about it.

“Yuzu?”

“Yes?”

“We’ll be fine.”

Yuzuru trusted him.

Why would true love look me in the eye and lie... Lie...

I thought we'd be together till we die

I'll forever wonder why

“I missed you.”

Yuzuru could barely keep his eyes open but still made some effort to be awake despite the time difference.

Brian had already given up on lecturing him about the importance of sleep. He had truly scared both his coaches after almost falling asleep on some jump practice session with Ghislain.

He had maybe, broken something.

But no one had to know about it.

Especially not Javier, he had way too many things to worry about to be distracted by his idiotic boyfriend being reckless.

“I missed you too.” Javier looked tired, his speech almost slurred due to lack of sleep. “can I call you tomorrow? I really need to sleep.”

Yuzuru checked his clock.

1:34 a.m.

That meant it was almost dinner time in Madrid.

“I think I’ll eat something and head to bed.”

“Okay!”

Yuzuru could hear Javier’s family in the back, probably telling him that dinner was ready. Javier yelled something in Spanish and Yuzuru couldn’t help but laugh at the sound of the language he missed so much.

His ribs reminded him almost immediately that perhaps he should keep sudden chest movements to a minimum. Yuzuru did his best to hide a grimace but Javier had apparently caught it, even though the horrible quality of their video call connection.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Javier believed him.

Why have you been coming home so late in the evening?

Is there someone else that I should know about?

“How was your day?”

“Awful.”

“You poor thing, tell me about it.”

Yuzuru tried his best to tell him everything that had happened and about everything that had changed. Time seemed to fly and for a moment Yuzuru could pretend that everything was okay.

Everything was back to normal.

He just had to pretend for a while more.

“Brian told me about the offer.”

“Yes, I told him that I had to help Spain first.”

It made sense. It had been Javi’s dream all along.

Yuzuru couldn’t be selfish.

“Will you ever accept it?”

Will you ever come back to me?

“Of course, once I’ve done everything I can over here…I’ll be on the first flight to you.”

Yuzuru kept his tears at bay. Because those were the words that he longed to hear. However, he knew that he would never be Javier’s biggest dream.

He could pretend.

He let himself have that.

“You will be an amazing coach.”

Both knew he wasn’t talking about his coaching career back in Toronto.

But it was okay.

Javier’s smile betrayed him and the computer’s screen light was just enough to see the shine of something rolling down his cheeks.

Yuzuru cried with him.

There's a smile on your face that I haven't seen

Since we started going out

It had been months since then.

Then as in, the day his boyfriend had left him, their club, their coaches and his competitive skating career behind.

But then again, Yuzuru Hanyu wasn’t exactly known as a quitter. So as quietly as he could, Yuzuru packed his bags and caught the first-morning flight to Spain.

He hadn’t told a soul about his plans, he doubted anyone would care anyway.

They hadn’t cared when he could barely hold his tears as he pushed through the daily practices alone.

They certainly hadn’t cared when he broke down after his first failed attempt at a Salchow.

He hadn’t failed a Salchow in practice in years.

He also hadn’t been alone for some time now.

So, gathering all the courage he could find, Yuzuru asked his sister-in-law for Javi’s hotel information and decided to surprise his boyfriend. He wanted to congratulate him, to tell him how proud he was of everything he had achieved so far.

He didn’t expect his reception though.

“What are you doing here?”

“Surprise?”

Yuzuru was tired, he was hurt both physically and mentally after a hellish season of competitions. He wanted nothing more than to just throw himself into Javier’s arms and forget everything.

Javier’s arms had always held some sort of magical healing powers.

“Why didn’t you call?”

“Can’t surprise you if I call you first.”

He could feel the handle of his bag slipping from his grasp as his hand became almost numb. Yuzuru wondered if falling unconscious in the middle of a hotel corridor would be too inconvenient for Javier.

I need to stay awake. I can’t just mess up his life as soon as I arrive.

“Well come in then, before anyone sees you.” He let himself be pulled inside the hotel room and as soon as he heard the door close, Yuzuru threw his arms around the Spaniard.

“I missed you.”

Javier took too long to wrap his arms around his waist like always.

Javier took too long to whisper the same words back.

But Yuzuru didn’t mind.

Javier held him.

How could true love look me in the eye and lie... Lie...

I thought we'd be together till we die

I'll forever wonder why

“You came!”

Hundreds of media members, photographers, and other correspondents rushed to them as they spotted the reunion of the two ex-rivals.

Javier tried to keep the noise of the shutters away. This wasn’t a social visit but he still smiled as Yuzuru opened his arms and waited to him to fall into them like always.

“I told you I would.”

He had to fly back to Toronto in order to deal with some paperwork, and Brian had asked him to stop by the competition. Everyone missed him.

“Wait for me after? We can meet in my-”

“I have a flight in a few hours.”

He hated the disappointment that seemed to cloud over Yuzuru’s eyes instantly. But he really had no choice, a press conference awaited him back in Barcelona.

For how long will we hurt each other.

“Okay.”

The smile that Yuzuru threw at him looked as warm as ever.

Javier saw through him.

We said until death do us part

And then you chose to break my heart

“It will get better.”

Yuzuru smiled at the camera. He had been smiling a lot these days.

“When?”

“When I’m done here.”

Javier sounded desperate. Trying to reach for something that perhaps wasn’t there anymore.

“You will never be done with Spain, just like I will never be done with Japan.”

“That’s not fair Yuzu.”

Yuzuru had known.

They had both known.

This was a possibility all along, yet both had chosen to fight for as long as they could. But if there was something they had both learned over the years, it was to know when it was time to stop and admit defeat.

“None of this is fair.”

Yuzuru hung up on him.

Remember right back to the start

We said we'd be together till we die

I'll forever wonder why

I thought we'd be together till we die

I'll forever wonder why

“How are you?”

“I’m good.”

Javier’s eyes asked for a million answers, Yuzuru’s lips showed him a brilliant smile.

“Are you happy?”

“Yes.”

Yuzuru’s smile was real.

Javier had lost him.

You said we'd be together till we die

(You let go of me, you let go of me)

I'll forever wonder why