Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tulip woke with a jolt. She gasped for breath as the harsh white light of the room forced her to clench her eyes shut again. The last thin threads of a long, harrowing dream severed from reality until the memory escaped her completely.

She could feel deep down that something was very wrong. She felt more hungover than she had in her life, aching like she’d been hit by a semi-truck, not quite feeling like she had a handle on her motor functions. She just couldn’t get her bearings, and no matter how tightly she closed her eyes, her surroundings were still blindingly bright. All she wanted was five more minutes of sleep. Maybe that would make her feel human again.

As she attempted to rest, she came to understand she hadn’t just overslept. The light, the air, and the scratchy sheets she'd kicked away from her body all felt unfamiliar. She gathered the courage to force her eyes open, despite the painful glare, blinking away the sharp sting. Still, she struggled to study her surroundings. She stared on in frustration, but the shapes refused to come into focus.

And then a sense of dread overtook her. She couldn’t clearly make out objects, but she could interpret color, and the sterile room was white from floor to ceiling, with the exception of bold red accents.

Shit, she thought. There was no doubt this was the Grail. They had her.

Suddenly, a dull throb in her left arm sharpened to a stabbing pain. She traced the sensation with her fingers until she found the needle, connected to an IV drip, and ripped it out as carefully as she could. How in the hell did I get here? she wondered, and she had to concentrate, retracing her steps, to rebuild a map of the events.

Then it hit her with astounding clarity, like a video reel playing in her mind's eye. Her mission to rescue Cassidy. Jamal's showdown against that Featherstone bitch and her daring bait and switch. Tulip knew she’d outsmarted her greatest rival and infiltrated Grail HQ in Masada, but couldn’t quite remember what had happened next. Something must’ve gone awry along the way. At least she’d had the foresight to be taken in wearing her Marnie Pomerantz getup, complete with a white Grail suit and blonde wig.

Was this some kind of hospital room? She grew impatient with her eyes and their refusal to focus. She eventually stood up, placing her feet against the chilly tile, and her legs nearly gave way underneath the weight of her body. Still, she collected her strength and forced herself upright, and though it was a struggle, she kept trying until she found her footing. As she paced sluggishly around the room, still using a hand to shield her eyes from the burning light pouring in from outside, the objects finally started to contort into recognizable shapes. On one wall, next to the door, was a tall mirror. Tulip saw herself in it for the first time dressed in a Grail hospital gown—white with red diamond outlines—and no longer wearing her wig. That wasn’t good. She prayed no one had recognized her.

And then she saw it: a clipboard secured to the foot of her bed. Under “Name,” it read Priscilla-Jean Henrietta O’Hare in clean, blocky handwriting. The rest of the info listed—her last physical address, her birthdate, her parents’ names—was also accurate. There was stuff there she couldn't have even listed herself without looking it up. Shit, shit, shit.

She knew she had to find her way out, and fast, for Cassidy's sake. He was still in here, facing untold suffering, and she'd be damned if she didn't do everything in her power to put a stop to that. Not after everything he'd done for her. After being her best and most trusted friend. Her heart raced at the thought, and she concentrated long and hard on her love for him, and how it would propel her to find her way out of this situation, however grave. It may not have been in the way he deserved, but she would always love him.

She got a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach thinking about seeing him again and saving his skinny ass. It wasn't right. Why couldn't she love love him?

Yes, he was an addict. A blood-sucker. And his fashion sense left a lot to be desired. In fact, sometimes—a lot of the time—he could be a bit of a train wreck. But after all, so could she. If she'd always done the right thing—well, she wouldn't have landed herself in this situation, that's for sure.

And then for the very first time, she remembered Jesse. Beautiful renegade Jesse with his swagger and his fists and his Genesis. He seemed like some far off dream, now, like the movie star crush she'd had as a teenager, the feelings transformed into but a fond remembrance from the past.

She hadn't forgotten that he'd abandoned her, like everyone always did, leaving her with nothing but a broken heart and a letter she couldn't bring herself to read. It had just happened, but already it felt like ancient history. Now, she felt numb to it.

She waited for that urgent voice in her head to tell her, for the millionth time, But you love Jesse and you can't live without him. You're betrothed, fated to be together until the end of the world. And she was a little relieved when it didn't come.

But lord, she must've hit her head hard this time. As her mind attempted to reach back toward childhood, to the past she'd built with Jesse, she couldn't find a thing. She felt desperate now. Had someone been screwing with her head, scraping and extracting to facilitate Armageddon? She didn't like it one bit, and the oldest memory she could vividly recall was the discovery that Jesse had gone back to Annville to take up his daddy's church and become a preacher like him. She clearly remembered the strange mix of scorn for his decision and desperate eagerness to see him again and get him back into her life.

Everything before that wasn't even a blur in her mind. It was simply gone. The only knowledge she had of her parents was a fuzzy afterimage, half-remembered from her stint between life and death. Their absence should have pained her, but she couldn't manage to feel any way about it except all right. She couldn't wrap her mind around the sense of peace she felt about it, and she hated that.

And while she knew she loved Jesse, she couldn't conjure up the feelings to go along with it. Whatever had made them them had all but evaporated. And the last year between the two of them—the only one she truly had—had been anything but perfect. Sure, it'd been thrilling at times. He'd always made her feel alive. But she'd also been ignored, and criticized, and victimized by a God-like power. She'd been lied to, and distrusted, and allowed to die. Now, Jesse had left. Maybe that wasn't the worst thing.

Cass, on the other hand—well, he was no knight in shining armor, but at least he'd never let her down. Not where it mattered. He always did everything he could to help, until they'd had to step in and stop him. He'd saved her life when Jess put her in harm's way. They'd had their little fights, and there were certainly times Tulip and Cass hadn't seen eye to eye, but if there was anyone in the world she could trust right now, it was him. She regretted ever playing with his feelings and letting harm come his way. He really did love her, and that mattered more today than it ever had.

So that was that. She was going to break out of this room, and rescue Cassidy, and then the world would be at their fingertips, as friends or otherwise. But first, to check this place for any security blindspots. Since she'd first spotted it, she'd been keeping a careful eye on the glass dome in the center of the ceiling that no doubt housed a spy camera. If she acted fast, she just might outsmart and outpace anyone who might be watching. First she jiggled the front doorknob, just to be certain, and was astounded when the door flew open. She peeked her head outside into the hall and there wasn't a soul in sight.

She got an eerie sense of deja vu, realizing it looked identical to the Grail headquarters she and Cass had visited in New Orleans: a sparse office building lit with unflattering florescent bulbs, the walls and floors sparkling white, with the occasional red door or desk ornament, so there was no mistaking where you were.

The place was deserted, and she quickly scoped out the floor, checking each room to find them all mysteriously accessible. Was this some kind of trap? Her intuition told her no, that for some bizarre reason, everyone here had just up and left in a hurry. But then where the hell could Cass be? In one room, a wall of monitors showcased empty rooms through a dozen security cameras and revealed that absolutely no one was on guard duty. No one was anywhere.

She found clothes that nearly resembled a normal outfit and changed out of the hospital gown into a red top and white slacks. Then, she hit the jackpot: a safe, as big as a room. She looked forward to cracking it, and was a little disappointed when the combination was plainly written across a sticky note on a nearby table. Some of these Grail folks weren't too bright at all, and when Tulip got in, the vault was stacked high with cash. It all seemed too easy—boring, even—but that didn't stop her from locating a scarlet duffle bag and loading up with a huge grin on her face. Something major had gone down here, and she couldn't help but wonder what it was.

Then, the kicker. At long last, her eyes had adjusted adequately to see out the blindingly glaring windows of the place, and this was no Masada. If her vision wasn't playing a trick on her, she was somehow back in New Orleans. After all the trouble she'd gone through to escape this place, it had dragged her back yet again, and she didn't have an inkling how. But she should have known. There should have been more stone, and dust. It was too clean, too open, and far too easy to leave.

As she stepped into the elevator to the ground floor, sharing it with a couple of unassuming telemarketers from another level, she plotted her next steps. And then just when she thought she knew exactly where she was, stepping outside threw her another curve ball, completely disorienting her yet again. This wasn't the same New Orleans Grail building. Had they really gone through the trouble to build an identical office in a different part of the city? She thought about it, and realized she didn't expect anything less from the organization.

But maybe being back here wasn't such a bad thing after all. In a way, this was home turf. She knew people. Had connections. This might actually work.

With her brain in a bit of a jumble, she was worried her abilities would be impaired. She felt lucky that most of her skills were finely honed, and the old ways came back to her like riding a bicycle. The city seemed to jog her memory, too. She knew precisely who to go to in order to secure a fake ID, a phone, guns and a new vehicle. It wasn't her beloved Chevelle, but she suspected it'd do the job just fine.

But most importantly, she needed folks who could track people down—someone with the skills to find a person, no matter how far they might be off the grid. Getting to Cassidy was all that mattered.

As she bided her time waiting for that critical information, she was in for a rude awakening. Tulip thought she'd been unconscious for two or three days, tops. But no. She was missing more than half a year. Either the end of the world had come and gone, and she'd missed it entirely, or she'd been there and had it taken away from her. Regardless, she was pissed, and suddenly, the search for Cass was all the more urgent.

She was thankful that, with the intel she'd gathered with the help of a friend of a friend, it took no time at all to pinpoint Cassidy's location: New York City. Knowing he was out of that hellhole in Masada made her breathe a huge sigh of relief. But even armed with the knowledge that Cass no longer needed rescuing, Tulip knew she had to see him as soon as possible. He would have answers, but more importantly, she needed him.

Chapter Text

Tulip sped off to New York City, stopping only to fill up on gas, arriving 18 hours later sleep-deprived but intensely focused.

Cassidy hadn't exactly been lying low, and had made a bit of a name for himself there. For what, Tulip didn't know, but she suspected heavy drugs and debauchery were involved. They usually were when it came to Cass, and if he thought she were dead, or even just missing, she knew he'd be even more likely to indulge in his worst vices. She hated the idea of him thinking she was gone, and she had to fix it. As she drove, she grew even more upset with Jesse. With her out of the picture, he and Cass would have needed each other more then ever, but it was clear they weren't together, and something told her Jess was to blame.

She found him at an old bar—McSorley's Old Ale House. The name sounded familiar, and she thought he must have mentioned it before, regaling her with stories of the good old days. She suspected it had once been an old-fashioned Irish pub, but today, despite the aged wooden interior packed with ancient memorabilia and walls covered from floor to ceiling with framed portraits (and likely against the will of the owners), it had become a trendy hipster hangout. That didn’t stop Cassidy from making loads of friends. In fact, it seemed he'd become a local celebrity.

He was at the center of a group at the bar surrounded by seven or so guys in their late 20s, early 30s. Though Tulip couldn't hear him over the clamor of chatter and loud music, she had no doubt he was weaving one of his irresistible tales. He emphasized the important points—which were most of the points—with broad hand movements. His audience's raucous laughter made it clear they were eating up every word.

And he'd certainly changed since the last time she'd seen him. He had at least a month's growth of untamed beard covering his face, with his dark hair buzzed close to his scalp and a small silver ring glinting in his left ear. Still, there was zero doubt it was her old friend Cassidy, and the mere sight of him made her feel whole again. He was like a little piece of home. She thought back to that last moment together, shipping him off to New Orleans by bus, and desperately wished now that she'd never said a word about not loving him. It'd been a lie, and she wasn't sure if she'd said it for his safety, or for hers.

It appeared that Cassidy was mid-sentence when he stopped suddenly and turned to look straight at Tulip. Had he felt her stare from across the room? She wondered if he'd think he was seeing a ghost, and she didn't feel like she understood the situation any better when a wide grin instantly spread across his face, but then he caught himself and quickly grew solemn again.

She watched him excuse himself from the group before he marched over to her in a hurry. As he approached, he spoke directly into her ear.

"Mind if we step outside, love?" he asked her. His tone was soft, and she found that just hearing the coaxing sound of his voice almost brought her to tears. She couldn’t resist the urge to wrap her arms right around that bony body of his, and she held him there for a long while.

He hugged her back, firmly and urgently, and she felt a warmth run through her body that she didn't even know she'd been missing. She pressed her ear to his heart. It was beating so fast now, and she realized hers was keeping a similar pace. She didn't want him to ever let go of her.

When the embrace did end, Tulip realized tears were streaming down her face. Cassidy's eyebrows raised in the center of his forehead with concern, and he gestured toward the front door again before they both stepped outside together onto the drizzly New York City sidewalk.

"What are you doin' here, Tulip?" he had to ask, and there was a soft resignation in his voice. She didn't know what that meant, but she was relieved to know he hadn't been thinking she was dead.

She took in one huge, deep breath. Where the hell was she even supposed to start?

She pondered the question for a moment before asking one of her own. "Why do you think I'm here?"

He shook his head, frustrated.

"Maybe you've had a disagreement with Jess. You needed consoling, so you've come crawling back to me."

"Back to you, huh?" She raised an eyebrow.

That hurt him, and he placed a hand on Tulip's shoulder and looked her straight in the eye.

"Listen, it's a mistake," he said, seriously. "And I'm not gonna let you make it again."

She didn't know what she expected, but it wasn't this. She analyzed his expression. He meant it, and it stung.

"Okay," she replied. "But what would you say if I told you that those Grail sonsabitches were messing with my memory? And that I couldn’t remember anything that happened in the last six months, and that two days ago, I woke up in a Grail building in New Orleans with most of my past missing from my head?"

"Jaysis, Tulip," he muttered, looking her up and down, and then he embraced her again. He didn't know what to do, until he broke off the hug with a sudden realization.

"You’ve gotta call Jesse," he said. "He’ll be worried sick about ya."

She laughed, a deep laugh from her belly, and could only shake her head at him.

"After ditchin' both of us? No. No way. I am done with Jesse Custer."

Cass took a deep sigh.

"Look, you don’t know what you’re sayin'," he said. "Maybe that’s the last thing ya remember, but things changed after that. So much happened. You really don’t remember?"

"No I don’t," she said, her patience already running thin, "and I’d really appreciate it if you filled me in."

"Well I’ll start by sayin' that in the end, when all was said and done, Jesse was the love of your life and ya wouldn’t do anything to change it. You told me you'd loved him since you were a little girl, and you'd always be in love with him."

"But I don’t even remember being a little girl," she said, growing exasperated. "All those things, all of those reasons to love him, they're gone. And all I’ve got left is his betrayal, and lies, and not being trusted and let in."

"But ya belong with Jesse," he repeated.

She couldn't believe what was happening.

"I do not understand why you’re fightin' me on this," she said. "I thought you’d be happy that I came to you."

"Look, you don’t remember, but we’ve been through this," he said, his voice oddly calm and collected. "I just think you need to see him. Jog your memory. Set things straight, like. I need ya to be absolutely sure.

She had no interest in seeing Jesse again, but she understood that Cassidy wasn't going to change his mind. She was happy to prove him wrong, and she wanted to do it as quickly as possible. She'd never seen him act so distant as he was now. He seemed afraid to get close to her when that was all she wanted in the world.

"Fine," she conceded. "We'll go see Jesse. But just this once. And if I don't feel the way I used to, you have to promise to start taking me seriously."

He nodded, and gave her arm a tender squeeze. She wished for so much more.

She couldn't help but think back to that night in the back of the Chevelle. She'd only let him sleep with her because she was so desperate to feel something—anything—other than the pain of not being godly enough for Jesse. It was the first time she'd used Cass, and it wouldn't be the last. She hadn't even allowed herself to enjoy his tenderness. Now, all of it made her feel like a damned fool. Had a tiny part of her seen beyond his ragged exterior, glimpsing the hidden spark of the hero he could be? Or had her self-destructive tendencies led her to the most important mistake of her life? She might never know, and as her thoughts came back to the present, she realized they had no time to lose.

"So, you ready to head out?" Tulip asked.

"Ya mean now?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she replied. "There a problem with that?"

"Well, no," he said. "I'll just need a minute to say bye to me mates inside." He pointed a thumb in the direction of the bar.

"Oh, your mates," Tulip repeated. "So you've already replaced us."

He have her a stern look.

"There'll never be a replacement for you and Jess," he said. "These guys are just a little lost, is all, and I'm tryin' to get 'em back on the path."

She wondered what that might mean as he stepped back into the bar. She watched him carefully through the marbled glass of the door, making sure he didn't pull anything funny. The last thing she needed was for Jesse to know they were on their way. But he didn't. He returned a couple minutes later, and then they were off to Texas.

Chapter Text

Tulip drove for another 16 hours, laser-focused despite her exhaustion, as Cassidy told her everything she'd been missing. It didn't seem like he was omitting anything as he explained his breakout from Masada, their time with Jesus, and their brief reunion with Jesse before his untimely death. He told her about their time playing family with the inbred descendant of Christ, and how eventually she'd turned to him for love, only to reject him again when Jesse was resurrected.

As he spoke, she turned her face away to hide the fact she was crying. Only briefly had the thought crossed her mind that the Grail might erase her memories of Jesse on purpose and lead her to Cass, but she felt slightly vindicated knowing there really was something beautiful between the two of them. Even if she didn't remember, she'd seen it before, and she'd given herself to it. And then she'd gone and ruined it all. She wanted to blame Jesse again, but this time she turned the rage inward. It had been her decision to make, after all, and now she was convinced she'd unequivocally chosen wrong.

Cassidy continued with the end of the story. Together, the three had stopped the Apocalypse, and Jesse and Tulip had gone off to start a new life together. The end. But could that really be it?

The tale was long and winding, but she sensed that every word of it was the truth. Now wasn't the time to sugarcoat the details. When he finished, they sat in silence for miles.

"I'm sorry for being such a fool, Cass,"  Tulip eventually said.

"You're not," he insisted. "Believe me. Given the choice between cool, handsome Jesse Custer and a walkin' disaster, I know who I'd go wit'."

There was no malice or sarcasm in his voice. Just the honest truth. That somehow made it even worse.

"Now you need to shut the hell up with that," Tulip snapped. "I'm sorry, but you're the best person I know. You might give up on yourself, but you don't give up on your friends. You deny it, but it's the damned truth, and I won't have you sayin' otherwise."

He was stunned silent, but it only took a moment for a grin to spread across his face. Then he started laughing a hysterical, consuming laugh that instantly got Tulip joining in with him. They felt almost normal again, and Tulip would have been happy to be caught in that moment for the rest of time.

The two had just passed Memphis and it was morning when Cassidy insisted the two stop to rest, but Tulip wanted this over and done with, now. When he asked if he could take over the wheel for the last leg, Tulip surprised them both by saying yes. He pulled his sleeves out over his hands, and shielded his eyes with big aviator sunglasses, and they were off again. She fell asleep in the passenger seat not long after that, and when the car rolled in around the corner from Jesse and Tulip's tiny rural farmhouse, just before sunset, Cassidy gently woke her.

"You ready?" he whispered as her eyes fluttered open.

As much as she wanted this to be over, she suddenly didn't feel ready. She knew she'd be fine, but despite everything Jesse had done, she didn't want to hurt him. The last thing she needed was a confrontation, or to drive a deeper wedge between Jesse and Cass. She had her own ideas about how this would work.

"Uh huh," she said in the affirmative before she leaned forward, popped open the glove compartment and pulled out two pairs of binoculars. She handed one to Cassidy as she pulled her own pair up to her eyes, gazing outward toward the house.

"What are these for?" he asked.

"Seein' Jesse," she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

He furrowed his brow, and it looked like he was about to speak, a hundred questions crossing his mind, before he sighed.

"Alright," he said, with a nod. "But let's at least get outta the car. Get some fresh air. Higher ground for easier..." he raised his binoculars, "observation."

She agreed, and the two found a spot on a hill, obscured by a dense thicket of bushes, where they had a perfect view into the front of the small home.

There was no motion, for a while, and both leaned with their binoculars fixed on the front windows. Eventually, Tulip spoke.

"Thank you, Cass," she whispered.

"What for?" he asked, lowering his scopes.

"For watchin' out for me. For doin' everything in your power to make sure I do the right thing. And for not telling Jesse we were comin'."

"It's no problem, Tulip," he replied softly.

"And, why didn't you tell him, exactly?"

"Well," he said, "if I'm gonna be honest wit you, I haven't spoken to him since everything went down."

"What do you mean?" she demanded. "Why not?"

"Listen. You and Jess went together, and I went my separate way. Maybe we'd saved the world together, but things wouldn't ever be the same. It was too hard..." his voice broke and he looked away.

"What was too hard, Cass?" Tulip's voice was warm. It took Cassidy a few moments to gather himself.

"Knowin' I couldn't be wit you," he finally said in a whisper. "That I never would be. I thought, maybe I'd come back when my feelings about you changed. If they ever did."

She placed a hand on his. She thought he was going to pull away, but he didn’t.

"Shit’s changed, Cass," she reminded him.

"I just need ya to be sure, without a doubt in your mind," he said. "I don't know if I could survive bein' hurt like that again."

She understood.

"And what have you been up to without us?" she asked.

"Tryna turn things around," he admitted.  "I'd spent more'n a hundred years feelin' guilty and sorry for meself, and then doin' more things that only made me guiltier and sorrier. I'm just tryna do the right thing. Helpin' others to help meself, I s'pose."

"That's amazin', Cass," she said, but he shrugged her off.

"Don't pat me on the back yet," he said. "It'll take a lifetime of good to make up for the shite I inflicted on the world."

"Well then it's a good thing you've got all the time in the world," she smiled.

With that, he raised his binoculars again and peered back toward the cottage. It was only a moment before Cassidy saw something that made him jump.

“Jaysis Christ…” he muttered, staring intently through his binoculars. "Look into the far left window."

She zoomed in there, and when she did, she was sure her eyes were playing a trick on her. Inside, Jesse had his sleeves rolled up, washing dirty dishes over the sink, and behind him, her arms looped lovingly around his waist, was… Tulip.

“What in the hell?” she asked, and Cassidy turned toward her sympathetically.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “I shoulda known when Jess didn’t try to get in touch…”

“Do you know what's goin' on here? Because I'd really appreciate an explanation."

“I don’t think you wanna know.”

“I need to know,” she demanded, grabbing him by the arm.

“I think you…” he started, and then corrected himself. “I think one of you isn't the original Tulip."

She knew he was thinking it—that she was the imposter. Deep in her heart, she understood that if one of them wasn’t the real Tulip, it was her.

“Well that would explain some things,” she said, defeated. “But how?”

“Jess explained it to me once, that the Grail can clone people. Physically identical, but they haven't exactly nailed the memories."

She remembered. Jesse had told her—the other her, she supposed—they'd made hundreds of copies of Humperdoo, descendent of Christ himself, before he'd unleashed them upon the world.

"So they made me and just left me there? I musta been real important."

"Of course you are," he assured her. "But Jesse used Genesis, ordered every member of the Grail to help him on his quest to find God. I promise you, that's the only reason ya got left behind."

“So I’m a fake Tulip clone,” she sighed. “Feels great.

“Now don’t you be like that,” he scolded her. “I've only been with ya a day but I know. There's no denyin' you're Tulip. Just because you’re not her doesn’t mean you’re not just as real as she is.”

“Says the guy with ulterior motives…”

“Listen,” he said, and he had to think carefully about the next words to come out of his mouth, “I’m in love with you, Tulip. But I know better'n anyone that I can’t make you care about me. So I need to be sure. Look back in there, and tell me that isn’t what you want. That could still be yours."

“I don’t want to.”

“Please.”

She sighed and pulled the binoculars back to her eyes. Now Jesse and the other Tulip—the real one—were standing near each other, talking and laughing. He touched her belly gently. Was a baby on the way? It should have filled her with a profound sense of jealousy, but she didn’t want what she saw. She was glad for them, and their happy little family, but she felt it had nothing to do with her. She wasn’t mad at Jesse anymore. Just apathetic.

She lowered the binoculars and pondered. Cass watched, studying her expression, but he let her think before he pried.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he finally asked, softly.

"Me and Jesse, we've always said we'd love each other until the end of the world," she said. "What if... well, we faced the end of the world, didn't we? What happens after?  Beyond the end of the world? The way I see it, my end of that lil' contract's been fulfilled."

Cassidy, for once, didn't know what to say, and Tulip continued.

"That girl in there isn’t me,” she said. “And I don’t want it to be."

"Ya don't think they should know about you?"

"That just seems so... messy," Tulip said. "I don't need them, and I don't want 'em. But I do know I need you. And wherever you’re goin’ next,  well, I want you to take me with you.”

He stared at her then, still so unsure. She hated that.

When she leaned in and kissed him, her lips pressing softly against his, he was motionless. Her head was swimming with something new. Technically, she thought, it was her first kiss. He wanted it, but he didn’t dare return it, and then he pulled back.

"I can’t do this again if it’s for the wrong reasons, Tulip," he says. "If this is because you’re hurt, or you’re sad, I just couldn't..." His words trailed off.

“You know what I feel?” she countered. “I feel hope. I’ve got a whole future in front of me, and nothin' is holding me back. And all I want is for you to be part of it.”

This time he kissed her first, all of his passion and love in it, and she had no reason to look back. When it broke, they both smiled at each other, softly and genuinely, and they both knew nothing in the world could take that away from them.

“I love you, Cass,” she said, and she meant it from the bottom of her heart.

“I love you too, Tulip,” he said, and the words were like music to her ears. But there was something that was bugging her.

“Could you… could you call me Priscilla-Jean?”

“O’ course, love,” he said, without a moment’s hesitation. "I love you, Priscilla-Jean."

With her own identity, she was ready to take on the world. And there was no one else she'd rather do it with.

Chapter Text

Priscilla-Jean was 82, and she felt it in her bones that she didn't have long for this world. Her eyes were weak now, but as she lay in the hospice bed, she remarked that Cassidy was still just as handsome as he was the day they met.

He held one of her wrinkled hands to his face as his eyes streamed with hot tears, and she felt them trickle warmly down her skin.

"Don't be afraid," Priscilla-Jean reminded him, for the hundredth time, her voice weak and raspy. "You'll only be losing me for a lil' while. We'll meet up again real soon."

"I can only hope," he said with a smile through his tears.

"You know, I never really believed in Heaven," she mused. "Even when I learned it was all real, I couldn't wrap my mind around it. But now, I can't wait for us to get there."

"But how can I be sure?" Cassidy asked, the doubt creeping into his voice. "I don't know if I deserve a place there."

"Oh shut it," Priscilla-Jean chided Cassidy, and that got a tiny, sad laugh out of him. "You've spent half a century running around, travelin' six continents and doin' more good than I ever saw. If I've ever been sure of one thing in my life, it's that you've earned the right to Heaven."

He nodded, tearfully. He believed it, somehow. After all these years, he finally believed it.

"I'll miss ya more then you could ever know," he sobbed.

She didn't shed a single tear. Her belief in him didn't waver, and she needed to be strong for him.

"Just promise me once thing?" she asked.

"Anything," he said.

"Just take your time," she reminded him. "It might be a while before your time comes. I'll wait for you, no matter what. And check in on your old friends, please? Just once before it's too late."

All this time, and he'd never gone to see Jesse and Tulip. He'd called Jess every once whenever he was off to someplace new to catch up, and that had always been enough. He'd never managed to wrap his mind around missing Tulip when Priscilla-Jean never left his side.

"I promise you, Priscilla-Jean," he said, with conviction.

Those were the last words she heard before she slipped away, and the last thing she saw was Cassidy's soft, sad smile.

Priscilla-Jean couldn't begin to properly describe Heaven if she tried. Her surroundings always feel soft, and bright, and warm, but never too bright. Never too warm.

Time doesn't pass here quite like it did down in the living realm. Tulip and Jesse are here, too, and sometimes Tulip and her are one, and sometimes they are two.

When they're together, Priscilla-Jean can feels every fiber of love and admiration she has for Jesse and it warms her from the inside out, and Tulip is overcome with the powerful devotion she feels for Cass. They long for him, but they are not sad, for they know he is on his way.

They are neither old, nor young, but all of it, all at once. Her lost little girl is here too, and though they never met in life, she is a being of pure potential, everything she could have been all at once, and Priscilla-Jean is in constant celebration of their reunion.

When she looks down on Cassidy, she knows she's peering down at him from above, though she sees him as if she's right there alongside him on Earth.

Now, he's fulfilling his promise, visiting Jesse and Tulip's earthly resting place. It's become hard to read his human emotions, but there's a beauty in them. Tulip's daughter—her daughter—looks exactly like them, and that pains Cassidy, and Priscilla-Jean remembers that special feeling called pain.

He's made his choice now, and she anticipates their reunion. Young Lucy doesn't notice as he leaves his umbrella and steps out into the rays of sunlight to finally come home. His body catches, combusting into flames, and Priscilla-Jean remarks that this scene would have once caused her anguish, but now it simply brings her peace.

And in a moment, they're all together again. Sometimes three, sometimes four, but always blissful, always together, Cassidy's deepest fear proven to be unwarranted. Their fears are abolished altogether for eternity, and they are together until the end of time itself.