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Jiang Cheng makes his way to the kitchen. It’s been a little over two weeks since he arrived on the doorstep with his duffel bag. The apartment feels like home, yet it doesn’t, and it confuses him. He feels like an intruder in Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue’s home. In their lives. Like a stray dog that’s been offered a reprieve from the cold outdoors.

He’s tried to stay out of the way and still tries as best as he can. That first evening, he’d taken his bag to the guest bedroom, but neither Lan Xichen nor Nie Mingjue had allowed it.

“Where are you going?” Lan Xichen had asked.

Nie Mingjue had simply shaken his head and plucked the bag out of his hands, demonstratively bringing it to the main bedroom. The home-yet-not-at-home feeling had started that evening as he lay between them. It had felt so familiar. Yet, he hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that it couldn’t be real. It couldn’t be true. They would come to their senses eventually, he was sure of it.

And so he had stayed out of the way as much as possible in an attempt to allow them to continue their routines without much interference. It was so easy to fall back into their rhythm of three years ago. Too easy. Jiang Cheng didn’t trust it. Doesn’t dare to.

There’s also that, with him leaving the family, Jiang Cheng is effectively without a job. He has plenty of money though. At least, he doesn’t have to rely on Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue to maintain him. It leaves a bit of his pride standing. He should search for a job, but he doesn’t even know where to start. Up until now, his future had always been written out for him, whether he liked it or not.

He takes some chicken and vegetables from the fridge, and the cutting board from the cabinet. Lan Xichen is a much better cook than him, but cooking is something he can do for them. It makes him feel less of an intruder if he is actually helping them in some way or another. He’s been cleaning a lot as well. He doesn’t want to be a burden.

The wok is just on the fire when Nie Mingjue comes home. 

“A-Cheng,” Nie Mingjue greets, pressing a kiss on Jiang Cheng’s lips. “Is our light home yet?”

Jiang Cheng shakes his head, lighting the stove and pouring oil in the wok. “No,” he answers.

He expects Nie Mingjue to move to the living room to read, as usual, but Nie Mingjue pulls out a chair at the kitchen table. Tension immediately creeps into Jiang Cheng’s shoulders. He can feel Nie Mingjue’s eyes lingering on his back but he doesn’t comment, doesn’t ask.

This must be it, he figures, swallowing the lump in his throat. They’ve realised that they made a mistake. They don’t want him in their lives. It’s no surprise, really. He’d expected this, hadn’t he? After all that had happened, after everything he had said, why would they ever want him back? Nie Mingjue is simply waiting for Lan Xichen to come home so they can tell him together. They always do everything together.

Jiang Cheng clenches his teeth and throws the chicken in the wok along with the chopped onions. He will not make it difficult for them. As soon as they tell him, he will grab his things and book a hotel room. He wonders why that idea hadn’t occurred to him two weeks ago. 

When the front door opens again when Lan Xichen comes home, Jiang Cheng can’t help a slight flinch. He tries to hide it by tossing the vegetables in the pan. Lan Xichen walks into the kitchen, greeting Nie Mingjue before walking up to Jiang Cheng and offering him a kiss as well.

“What are you making?” Lan Xichen asks.

“Sweet and sour vegetables with rice,” Jiang Cheng answers. “I’ve been careful with the spices,” he tacks on. “I’m so sorry about yesterday.” 

Because he’s become immune to spicy food after having lived with Wei Wuxian for so long and he’d been too liberal with the chilli the evening before. Lan Xichen hadn’t been able to eat the food he’d made.

He doesn’t like how his voice sounds, however. Even to his own ears, it sounds a bit scared, desperate even. He doesn’t want to leave. Even though he will when they tell him to, he doesn’t want to leave them behind. Not again.

Lan Xichen touches his cheek and Jiang Cheng returns his attention to the food. It’s a safe thing to look at, other than Lan Xichen’s face.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Lan Xichen asks Nie Mingjue.

“Five, maybe ten minutes,” he answers.

“And this is how tense he got?”

“Hm.”

“Wanyin,” Lan Xichen says, wrapping his hand around Jiang Cheng’s where it’s holding the wok. “This can wait,” he continues, taking the wok from the fire and turning off the stove.

Jiang Cheng limply drops his hands alongside him, not looking at Lan Xichen. He can’t. Not when they’re sending him away. Behind him, Nie Mingjue’s chair scrapes across the floor. 

Lan Xichen takes hold of his arm, turning Jiang Cheng to face him. 

“We were going to wait with this until after dinner, but I don’t think we can,” he says.

Jiang Cheng tenses. Lan Xichen’s hand travels up his arm until it’s cupping his cheek.

“I love you, Wanyin,” Lan Xichen breathes before gently kissing him.

Jiang Cheng is slow in responding to the kiss. This was not what he was expecting. Why was Lan Xichen kissing him when he’s planning to ask him to leave? Was he trying to soften the blow?

An arm winds its way around his waist from behind. “We love you,” Nie Mingjue hums into his ear before kissing the side of his neck.

A shiver runs down Jiang Cheng’s spine and he gasps into Lan Xichen’s kiss. Lan Xichen takes the opportunity to deepen it and Jiang Cheng’s hands hover awkwardly at Lan Xichen’s hips. His mind is working hard in an attempt to keep up. They’re not throwing him out? What’s happening?

“Touch me, Wanyin, my heart,” Lan Xichen mumbles against his lips.

Jiang Cheng’s composure breaks at that. He loses himself in Lan Xichen; his hands are trembling as he pulls Lan Xichen’s button-up shirt from his trousers and pulls the man close to him once his hands touch the bare skin of Lan Xichen’s back. 

Nie Mingjue’s arm tightens around Jiang Cheng’s waist and he rumbles his approval against Jiang Cheng’s pulse point, causing him to gasp again. Nie Mingjue’s other hand is resting against Lan Xichen’s neck, his thumb drawing circles under his ear.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t mind when Lan Xichen pulls away to kiss Nie Mingjue instead. His senses are already overloading, pressed between them as he is. He pulls at Lan Xichen’s shirt, exposing his neck and nipping at it. Lan Xichen groans at the sensation.

“Turn,” Nie Mingjue demands, his low voice husky with desire.

Lan Xichen takes a small step back, allowing Jiang Cheng to turn around, before pressing close again. 

“My heart,” Nie Mingjue says.

He cups Jiang Cheng’s face in both hands and kisses him passionately. Jiang Cheng wraps his arms around Nie Mingjue, holding on for dear life. He’s missed this. Missed it like water in a desert. 

Lan Xichen is peppering kisses at the nape of Jiang Cheng’s neck, his hands an almost bruising force on his hips. Jiang Cheng can feel Lan Xichen’s erection firm and hot against his buttocks and he wants it. 

The intensity of his need starts scaring him, but it’s lost in a moan as Lan Xichen reaches around and cups him through his trousers. Jiang Cheng can’t prevent the bucking of his hips and Nie Mingjue groans into his mouth as they rub together.

Nie Mingjue steps back, his eyes burning with desire. “Come,” he says. 

Jiang Cheng lets him guide him by the hand, his mind dazed. It’s only when he realises they’re going to the bedroom, and when he sees their king-sized bed, that reality hits him again. He hesitates.

“Wanyin?” Lan Xichen prompts, stepping around to look at him.

“What-” Jiang Cheng falters, not really knowing what he was going to say or ask. He only knows that this can’t be real. It can’t. 

“A-Cheng?” Nie Mingjue now prompts as well.

He’s frowning slightly and Jiang Cheng feels horrible. He’s hurting them again. He’s always hurting them.

“Why-” he tries again, only to once more falter.

Why was it that he only knew what to say when he was angry? When he hurled insults?

“We want you, A-Cheng,” Nie Mingjue says. “We love you.”

“Can’t-” Jiang Cheng shakes his head. “Can’t be.” It sounds broken, even to himself.

“Wanyin,” Lan Xichen pleads. 

It makes Jiang Cheng look up again and he feels even worse when he sees the tears in Lan Xichen’s eyes.

“When are you going to believe us when we tell you we forgive you?” Lan Xichen continues, reaching for him.

Jiang Cheng reflexively takes a step back, his hand slipping out of Nie Mingjue’s.

“You can’t. Not for what I did, for what I said. How can you ever forgive me for that?” He shakes his head again. “I’m not worth it.”

Lan Xichen lets out a broken sob and Jiang Cheng squeezes his eyes shut as he realises his light is now openly crying. Is he doomed to hurt the people he loves for the rest of his life?

“You are worth it,” Nie Mingjue exclaims forcefully. He strides forward and fists his hand in Jiang Cheng’s hair, forcing him to look up at him. “You are,” Nie Mingjue repeats, softer now.

His eyes, Jiang Cheng notices, are also brimming with tears. It’s such an unusual sight, and it hurts him so much, that Jiang Cheng whimpers. 

He’s rotten. Not good for anything. His mother was right.

Nie Mingjue pulls him against his chest, reaching out to drag Lan Xichen into the hug as well.

“We love you,” he says. “You are our heart.”

Lan Xichen, who is pressed close to Jiang Cheng’s side, nods. “Please, Wanyin,” he pleads. “Please believe us.”

Jiang Cheng shudders, tears now streaming down his face as well. Nie Mingjue pulls back, cupping Jiang Cheng’s face with one hand while the other is rubbing circles on Lan Xichen’s back.

“Let us show you,” he mutters. He puts his fingers under Jiang Cheng’s chin and kisses the tears from his cheeks. “Let us show you how much we love you,” he says again.

Lan Xichen’s hand slips under the hem of Jiang Cheng’s shirt and he shivers at the contact.

“You belong with us, Wanyin,” Lan Xichen says, his hand clutching at Jiang Cheng’s waist.

“Come,” Nie Mingjue says again, stepping back slightly. His hand travels down Jiang Cheng’s arm to gently take his hand. “Come to bed with us.”

The first step is more a fall than a step forward, but Jiang Cheng follows Nie Mingjue, his eyes riveted on the small smile Nie Mingjue is offering him. He wants this, and even though he doesn’t deserve it, they’re offering it, and he’s selfish. He was selfish for returning to their apartment and he’s selfish now for wanting them. But he wants it and they’re offering and he can’t turn them down. He simply can’t.

Jiang Cheng can feel how Lan Xichen is holding onto his shirt as they file into the bedroom. The idea that Lan Xichen is scared to let go of him even like this, as if he would disappear if he did, stabs a knife through Jiang Cheng’s chest.

“Stop crying, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says, rubbing at Jiang Cheng’s tears with his thumbs. “You too, my light,” he continues. 

Jiang Cheng turns to Lan Xichen. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“No, no no,” Lan Xichen gives back, echoing Nie Mingjue’s earlier gesture and wiping at Jiang Cheng’s tears. “You’re home now,” he continues. “Home. Where you belong.”

He steps forward and clutches at Jiang Cheng as if to determine that he’s truly there. His kiss is much the same, exploring and demanding all at the same time.

Jiang Cheng leans into it, allowing it to wipe his mind of any and all thoughts until there was nothing left but Lan Xichen’s kiss and Nie Mingjue’s hands on his back.

“The shirt needs to go,” Nie Mingjue says.

“Clothes need to go,” Lan Xichen agrees.

That causes Jiang Cheng to huff a wet laugh. So familiar. It’s all so familiar. As if the past three years had never happened. 

Nie Mingjue pulls the t-shirt over Jiang Cheng’s head and he shivers as warm hands roam his chest. He tries his best to undo the buttons on Lan Xichen’s shirt but loses coordination when Nie Mingjue puts his teeth to his shoulder. It’s bound to leave a mark. Jiang Cheng loves it.

Lan Xichen steps back to undo the buttons on his shirt himself. He watches with hungry eyes as Nie Mingjue licks at the teeth marks he left behind, then moves his mouth to tease Jiang Cheng’s neck. One hand roams down to rub Jiang Cheng through his trousers and Jiang Cheng moans, leaning against Nie Mingjue’s solid frame.

“Belt,” Nie Mingjue says.

“With pleasure,” Lan Xichen answers, moving in to undo Jiang Cheng’s belt and trousers.

Jiang Cheng nearly comes as Nie Mingjue’s hand wraps around his erection. He’s glad for Nie Mingjue’s other arm that’s still wrapped around his waist as his knees buckle. It’s been too long. Several years too long. And this is both too much and not enough. Never enough.

“He’s sensitive, A-Huan,” Nie Mingjue rumbles. “So sensitive.”

“I can see,” Lan Xichen answers. 

His hands roam Jiang Cheng’s chest as his lips catch Jiang Cheng’s in a searing kiss. They’re both breathless when they finally break apart. Lan Xichen kneels to pull Jiang Cheng’s jeans down his legs.

“You’re wearing too many clothes, my soul,” Lan Xichen says to Nie Mingjue, still on his knees. “Let me have him for a bit so you can undress.”

Jiang Cheng whines as Nie Mingjue releases his cock, then sags as Lan Xichen’s tongue sweeps the underside of it.

Nie Mingjue chuckles. “Take him to the bed, A-Huan,” he says, his voice soft, “or he’ll fall.”

Lan Xichen rises and leans into them both to give Nie Mingjue a burning kiss before pulling Jiang Cheng to the bed and pushing him down onto it. Jiang Cheng watches as Nie Mingjue pulls his shirt over his head, his abdominal muscles rippling, and Lan Xichen rids himself of his trousers.

“My love, I’ve missed you,” Lan Xichen says as he climbs onto the bed.

Jiang Cheng has to blink at the words. He still can’t believe he’s hearing them again, that Lan Xichen actually means them. Not knowing what to say in response, he pulls Lan Xichen into another kiss, hoping it would convey his feelings. Their legs tangle and Jiang Cheng hisses as his erection rubs against Lan Xichen’s thigh. 

Lan Xichen hums into the kiss and starts working his way down Jiang Cheng’s body. Just as his mouth wraps around the tip of his cock, the bed dips, announcing Nie Mingjue’s arrival. Jiang Cheng opens his eyes to find Nie Mingjue studying his face.

“A-Cheng,” he says, his voice tender. “You’re really here.”

“I’m here,” Jiang Cheng answers. “Ah…” He moans and gasps as Lan Xichen sucks. “Fuck!”

Nie Mingjue kisses him at that, one hand gripping Jiang Cheng’s ribs, the other clutched in his hair.

“Make some room, A-Huan,” Nie Mingjue mutters as he moves down Jiang Cheng’s chest, leaving marks all over.

Jiang Cheng knows what’s coming. It took them a few tries to get it coordinated, but now they’re perfectly synchronised. He still moans though, as Nie Mingjue’s finger prods at his entrance a minute later. Somehow, from somewhere, Nie Mingjue managed to produce lube and his finger easily slides in. Jiang Cheng bucks his hips at the feeling. He spreads his legs further to give Nie Mingjue better access.

“So tight,” Nie Mingjue murmurs against Jiang Cheng’s side.

Lan Xichen hums around Jiang Cheng’s cock and Jiang Cheng can’t take it anymore. “Close,” he mutters. “Xichen,” he begs. “So close. Please. I don’t- Not yet. Ah! Come up. Please come up.” 

Lan Xichen releases him with a final suck that almost tips Jiang Cheng over the edge. Then, he crawls back up the bed and kisses Jiang Cheng even as his free hand reaches for Nie Mingjue. The kiss is open-mouthed, sloppy and perfect. Jiang Cheng roams his hands across Lan Xichen’s back, pulling him closer. 

When Lan Xichen gasps, Jiang Cheng knows Nie Mingjue is probably sucking on two of his fingers. Lan Xichen groans and buries his face in the crook of Jiang Cheng’s neck. Jiang Cheng wriggles a bit to get his hand between the two of them and Lan Xichen cries out when Jiang Cheng wraps it around Lan Xichen’s erection. 

Shivers run down Jiang Cheng’s spine as Lan Xichen pants against his neck with every upward stroke. Nie Mingjue moves lower, releasing Lan Xichen’s fingers and Lan Xichen clutches at Jiang Cheng’s side with bruising force. He mumbles something unintelligible, clearly lost in sensation. It makes Jiang Cheng happy, realising that he still knows how Lan Xichen likes it, realising that at least he can still do this, can still give him pleasure. 

Jiang Cheng cries out at the sudden presence of Nie Mingjue’s mouth around his dick, and he arches off the bed when a second finger inserts itself into his arse.

“Mingjue,” he groans. “Mingjue.” 

A hand gently strokes his stomach in response. Lan Xichen raises his head and moans at what he sees. Jiang Cheng pants, slightly overwhelmed with sensation. Nie Mingjue is  switching between scissoring him and pumping his fingers. Every time he hits that special spot, Jiang Cheng sees stars behind his eyes and he fears that he’ll lose control. When Lan Xichen starts sucking on his neck, he lets out a strangled noise, his free hand clawing helplessly at the sheets.

Nie Mingjue releases him, his fingers slipping out as well, and Jiang Cheng whines.

“Get on your side, A-Cheng,” Nie Mingjue commands, his voice dark.

Jiang Cheng shudders in response and obeys, swinging one leg over Lan Xichen’s hips while still stroking his erection. Lan Xichen takes the opportunity to start kissing him again. When Nie Mingjue positions himself and slides inside, Jiang Cheng keens. Nie Mingjue’s hand is firm on his hip, Lan Xichen is reaching over to clutch at Nie Mingjue’s bicep, and Jiang Cheng is sandwiched between them. It’s wonderful, and familiar, and all he’s missed these past three years, and too much. He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Lan Xichen pulls away.

“Wanyin?” he asks, the hand that was on Nie Mingjue’s bicep now cupping his cheek.

“I love you,” Jiang Cheng croaks out. “I love you both. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Nie Mingjue stills, fully sheathed inside Jiang Cheng, and leans his forehead against the nape of Jiang Cheng’s neck. He’s clearly trembling. Lan Xichen starts frantically stroking his fingers through Jiang Cheng’s hair.

“We forgive you,” Lan Xichen exclaims, his voice as frantic as his movements. “We forgive you.”

“Just-” Nie Mingjue’s voice breaks a little and he tries again. “Just never leave us again, A-Cheng. Tell us you won’t leave again.”

“I won’t,” Jiang Cheng sobs. “I won’t. I’m here. I’m here to stay. If you’ll have me, I’m here to stay.”

“Our heart,” Lan Xichen mumbles, “you’re home.”

He grabs Jiang Cheng’s wrist and moves it to drape Jiang Cheng’s arm around his waist before shuffling closer and rubbing their erections together. Jiang Cheng moans, suddenly glad he can clutch at Lan Xichen’s back.

“We love you,” Nie Mingjue says against his shoulder. 

He starts moving again and Jiang Cheng gasps. He knows both Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen are whispering words to him, and he’s vaguely aware of himself answering them, but his mind is engulfed with sensations and emotions and all he really knows is that he finally feels like he’s where he belongs.

It doesn’t take long before Jiang Cheng realises he won’t be able to hold off anymore. He manages to stutter a half-formed warning before he comes with a cry. Lan Xichen is quick to follow him, while Nie Mingjue pulls out and jerks himself off to completion against Jiang Cheng’s back.

The three of them slump into the bed breathing heavily. They’re uncaring of the stickiness between them as they huddle closer in a heap of tangled limbs. Jiang Cheng feels exhausted and sated, but also happy and loved.

“Our heart,” Lan Xichen says between breaths.

“Our love,” Nie Mingjue adds.

As Jiang Cheng wraps his arms around Lan Xichen, who’s cuddled against his chest, and savours the warmth of Nie Mingjue’s chest against his back, a spark of hope flames to life inside him. Maybe he could have this. Maybe they did somehow forgive him. Maybe, just maybe, he was allowed to have this.

“I’m here,” he mumbles. “I won’t leave again,” he adds, his eyelids drooping and sleep overtaking him. “I promise.”