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Hyunjin feels like he’s swimming again, in this pool of safety and comfort and plush lips that is Felix. He feels like he’s floating in the middle of an ocean of warmth with no way out, but he doesn’t want a way out. Would gladly drown in the depths of his boyfriend and never emerge again. But he can’t let himself do that, not yet at least, so with his body begging him to stay there forever he pulls back and away from Felix, a string of saliva connecting them for a few more precious moments.
There’s this expression again on Felix’ face when Hyunjin regains his focus after blinking a few times. Those dark eyes staring right at him, right through him, reaching even his deepest thoughts, plump lips quivering and splotchy pink highlighting faint freckles under shadows thrown by long lashes.
It’s not the first time Felix has looked at Hyunjin like this, yearning, desiring, hungry even. For more than dinner dates and make-out sessions, winning plushies at the arcade and handjobs in the back of a cab. For more than the stale quiet of his ocean, Hyunjin just floating inside. Felix wants to be rough waves and dangerous currents pulling him deeper and deeper until there’s no way out.
But the other never lets it get that far.
Hyunjin should have deriddled the meaning behind Felix’ expression by now, but for the umpteenth time he stays oblivious as he turns back to the laptop dangling on the corner of his boyfriend’s bed, playing a random Netflix original in the late hours of the night on a Sunday.
It’s a time where they should either be decent humans and sleeping, decent students and doing their schoolwork, or at least decent boyfriends and do the unsayable in the darkness of the night. But they don’t, and each Sunday ends up being the same with Hyunjin falling asleep in Felix’ arms and the other yearning for more, praying for it until slumber pulls him in as well.
Felix has had enough of it now, huffs dramatically as he slams the laptop shut and places it on the floor next to his bed, careful since he can’t very well afford a new laptop after breaking it in horny outrage. With raised brows Hyunjin follows his every movement, patient until his boyfriend is sitting against the headboard of the bed, arms crossed over his chest and legs wiggling nervously under the blanket.
Before Hyunjin can open his mouth, ask what is making Felix so upset, the other sighs once more before opening his kiss-swollen lips, that deliciously dark voice ringing through the silence of the room and making Hyunjin’s skin erupt in goosebumps, even the hairs at the nape of his neck standing alert.
“I like you, Jinnie,” Felix begins, small fingers finding purpose in the blanket on top of him and playing with a loose thread. “Like a lot.”
Hyunjin cocks his head to the side. “I like you too… like a lot,” he mocks the other. “What’s going on, Lix?” He can’t help the worried tone from washing into his voice.
Tiny fingers rip the thread in two. Felix opens his mouth a few times, as if gathering his nerves before finally speaking up.
“Do you think I’m… unattractive?”, Felix pulls his lip into his mouth and bites on a piece of dead skin for a bit before expressing his words differently. “Do you think my body is disgusting.”
The words hang between them for a long few seconds, time-stopping and world-shattering because how could Hyunjin ever think of his Felix as unattractive? Think of his body as disgusting? The truth is far from it.
“Wha-?” he begins then, ready to debunk whatever demon is trying to unsettle his boyfriend from inside his own head but is stopped midsentence.
“You never touch me,” Felix says, voice quivering and breaking so he clears his throat. “That… that’s fine if you’re not ready yet, but you obviously are. I can feel it whenever we make out, Jinnie, not just because you get hard but because of your whole body melting against mine, your little moans and trembling fingers, but you never touch me.”, there’s a pause, one where Hyunjin doesn’t know what to say, so Felix drops his head against the wall behind him and sighs. “Am I really that disgusting to you?” It comes as more of a whisper, a message to himself really, but it shoots a poisonous dagger right into Hyunjin’s heart.
Carefully he climbs closer, squeezing himself into the space left between Felix and the other wall his bed is pushed up against, soft fingers dancing over his boyfriend’s hand where he is clutching the duvet. Felix’ skin feels hot against his own.
“You’re not disgusting, Lixie.”, he whispers, his throat feeling too tight for much more. “Everything about you is beautiful.”
“Stop.” Felix pushes Hyunjin’s hand away.
“No.” Hyunjin takes it again, this time holding tight as heat spreads throughout his palm.
“Stop,” there’s a heaviness in Felix’ voice that Hyunjin has never heard before, a warning for tears and sorrow which is something still unknown to him. An undiscovered part of his boyfriend. “Don’t lie to me please.”
Hyunjin rolls his eyes jokingly and tries to move into Felix’ line of view, dancing from left to right until there’s finally no other way than to meet his gaze, so Felix faces him. His eyes are even glossier than usual, a different kind of depth to them that Hyunjin finds equal parts inviting and saddening.
“You know I don’t lie to you.”, Hyunjin says and to that Felix rolls his eyes, hitting the back of his head on the wall in the process. “Oh come on, you know I’m not a liar. I can’t speak for everything I’ll do or say in the future, but at least now just trust me that I’m not lying. Everything about you is beautiful.”
“Everything?” Felix’ voice is small, but the corners of his lips crook up with the promise of a smile.
“Yes, Felix. Everything. I love the way you smile, how your eyes crinkle up when you laugh at my stupid jokes. Your freckles and cheeks and your eyes, god, your eyes do things to me.”
For a second Felix looks happy, before an even deeper shadow casts over his features. “So just my face, huh… am I really just that for you? A pretty face?”
At this point, Hyunjin’s heart has been stabbed by hundreds of poisonous daggers, his whole chest aching in a way that it never has before. Because he can easily protect Felix from mean words thrown his way by stupid people at uni, from his family even, but it’s harder when the hate comes from the inside. To say Hyunjin feels hopeless would be a ridiculous understatement.
“You’re seriously asking if I’m dating you for your pretty face? When you know how that sentence haunted me for years?”, Hyunjin sits up a bit awkwardly on the bouncy mattress, climbing over Felix thighs and straddling him to force his face upwards, gazes meeting. “I’m with you for you, Felix. By this point there isn’t even a me without you. Everything you are and you give I need and want. Do you think I would still be here if it was about looks? I could just travel to some stupid fashion show and try my luck there then…”
The heat radiating off of Felix is even more palpable when Hyunjin cradles his head between his hands, fingertips tangling in his hair. Felix is looking at him with wild eyes, an electric mixture of sadness and hatred, anger and confusion slowly morphing into something softer, a sort of understanding.
Small fingers find their way to Hyunjin’s shirt, clenching tight. “I think I worded that so wrongly,” Felix whispers, his face burning up more in embarrassment. “I-god Jinnie, I know you’re not with me for that. I know that, believe me I do. It goes two ways too, right? You know that I’m interested in you for more than your looks.”
Hyunjin nods, a breath he didn’t know he was holding finally leaving him. “I know, Lixie, I know.”, They just smile at each other for a precious few moments, before the confusion comes back. “What is this about then?”
In a split second, Felix’ hands drop to Hyunjin’s lap, wonder overcoming him because how could his boyfriend possibly be so oblivious. He sighs.
“Hyunjin, do you realize that this is the most you ever touched me?” his face is still firmly held in place, so Felix closes his eyes to escape the look of guilty realization washing over Hyunjin’s face.
For a few seconds he just listens to his boyfriends breathing, the rustle of blankets when he moves a bit and the cushioned sound when his hands drop from Felix’ face.
“Fuck, Felix… I’m really dumb, am I not?” Hyunjin groans and Felix opens his eyes again to find him rubbing wildly at his temples.
“Maybe a tiny bit…” he whispers, a hand reaching out to pull one of Hyunjin’s hands away from his face and intertwine their fingers.
“I-… I just… I don’t want to do something wrong, Lix.”, Now it’s Hyunjin’s turn to blush under Felix’ intent gaze. “I’m so scared of making you feel bad or uncomfortable in any way.”
“So you thought not touching me at all would be the solution?” Felix smiles, giggles, full on laughs and it only takes a few seconds for Hyunjin to chime in into the beautiful sound.
“I guess? I honestly don’t know…” Hyunjin manages between fits of laughter, eyes watering and tummy hurting eventually, so he bends over to bury his face in Felix’ neck, still careful to keep a modest distance between their chests.
When the laughing stops and their breathing evens, they sit in silence for a few minutes, just thinking to their own and enjoying the other’s presence until Felix’ fingers feel tingly from playing with Hyunjin’s hair and his boyfriend’s mouth has left a tiny wet spot on the fabric over his shoulder.
“You know that it’s okay for me if you don’t want to… to touch me.”, he murmurs, a hum from Hyunjin egging him on. “I understand that as a gay man you obviously find biological male genitalia arousing, but maybe… maybe I could at least touch you? The only time we really did anything we were drunk and in the back of a driving car and it was the hottest thing ever, so maybe we can try that again? In a bed even?”
“Felix stop,” Hyunjin says, sitting up from his crouched over position against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Felix what the fuck. What the fuck?”
“What? Don’t act like you didn’t come all over my hand back then.”
“I-I did, but that’s not what I mean. Felix what the fuck?”, Hyunjin stands up then, nearly falling over the laptop next to the bed and running his hand through his hair. “Yes, I’m gay. I love men, I think men are beautiful and I fuck men. That’s why I’m together with you after all. Because you’re a fucking man.”
“But-“ Felix begins but is shushed by Hyunjin in an instant.
“Shhh! My turn now,” Hyunjin raises his brow and Felix zips his mouth shut, throwing away a metaphoric key. “Do you know how handsome you are? How I nearly came in my pants when I saw you dance for the first time? You’re so fucking hot, Lix.”
“Okay, b-“ Felix wants to interrupt yet again, immediately shut down by the longest shush in history, Hyunjin jumping up and down in earnest at trying to get his boyfriend to stay quiet.
“Shhhhhhh! Still my turn,” Hyunjin is using his hands to undermine his speech by now, nearly knocking over Felix’ lamp in an attempt to make him stop talking. “I’ve wanted to touch you since we went on our first date, god, I want to fuck you so bad and I want you to fuck me right after. I want to do every single sexual thing you could possibly think of with you.”
He takes a break then, glaring at Felix to stop yet another rude interruption, but it doesn’t come. Instead he is sitting there, wide-eyed and mouth agape, cheeks even pinker than before and mirroring Hyunjin’s own face.
“I want to do those things so badly, but honestly, I don’t know how. I never did this before and I’m so fucking scared of doing something wrong. Of hurting you, or making you feel bad about your body or uncomfortable in any way. I would rather die than make you feel that way.”
There’s still tears in Felix’ eyes, but they slowly cease with the warmth spreading through his chest and the smile crinkling up his face. The tips of Hyunjin’s ears are pink too and all Felix wants to do is bite.
“Jinnie… I’ll always tell you if you make me uncomfortable. I promise I won’t just sit there and take it or get hard feelings.”, Felix says, slowly sliding closer to the edge of the bed until he is in reach to grab Hyunjin’s hands. “I guess I never really explained… anything, really. And I can’t expect you to just know things like that, if I barely know them myself.”
Hyunjin nods and walks closer to the bed, looking down at his boyfriend who is looking up at him like he’s seeing an angel descending from the heavens. Some kind of enlightened being, which Hyunjin definitely doesn’t feel like.
“I’ve read a lot of stuff, you know… when we first got together,” he says, Felix cocking his head to the side and it shouldn’t be so endearing, but it is. “Loads of articles and blogs, so much transphobic shit but also some really helpful things.”
“Like what?” The bed dips when Hyunjin sits down on the mattress next to Felix, one foot dangling down and the other pulled to his chest, his head resting on his knee.
“A lot about dysphoria and surgeries, hormones and such stuff… a lot about sex too,” he looks over at Felix for a second, blushing a bit when he sees him with raised brows. “Like how people call their body parts. I’ve read about dicklit and mangina…”
“If you ever say mangina during sex I will kick you in the face.”, His face says it all, that Felix is just half-joking. “Also, I’m really glad you did some research. Of course, I’d prefer for you to come to me directly but as long as you’re not assuming things, I’m happy.”
“I will come to you now. Talking and stuff… apparently really is the thing for a healthy relationship.” Hyunjin hides away behind his knee when Felix giggles cutely at his words.
“Who would’ve guessed…”, he says, a hand reaching out to stroke a finger over Hyunjin’s cheek, coaxing him out of hiding. “Can I ask you a question?”, when he finally looks up Hyunjin nods. “Why did you avoid me touching you then?”
Back into hiding Hyunjin goes. “Hmm… getting touched is nice and all, but it’s a thing I want to reciprocate, you know? Like the time in the cab when you gave me the best orgasm of my life, I just felt so bad after because I couldn’t give you something.”, Hyunjin sighs. “Because I’m a coward.”
“You’re not a coward, Jinnie. You’re so cute it should be illegal.” Felix ruffles his boyfriend’s hair before picking up the juice box from his nightstand, slurping a few sickly-sweet gulps.
Naturally, he passes it to Hyunjin who happily slurps away at it, finally sitting up straight and basically bouncing with each gulp. Felix watches him for a few seconds, still awed that he is lucky enough to have someone like the Hwang Hyunjin to call his boyfriend, to cuddle with and kiss and touch. Now hopefully.
“I want you to fuck me.” He utters mindlessly, not really thinking until Hyunjin chokes on his drink and nearly inhales the straw by accident. His eyes fill with tears as he tries to not choke even more when he can’t hold back a small fit of laughter.
A lot of coughing, giggling and back-slapping later, the juice box carefully placed on the nightstand again, Felix decides it’s safe enough to speak up again.
“Not now if you don’t want to, just in general.”, His voice is casual, the nervousness only visible from the blush once again creeping up Felix’ face. “I never topped before, but I want to try that too at some point. And I want to suck you off and then watch you finger yourself.”
“God, Felix, you’re really spilling everything now, huh?”, Hyunjin says when the words sink in, voice slightly raspy from his earlier coughing but still filled with obvious endearment. “I want you so bad,” He adds after a short moment, his voice suddenly reduced to not much more than a whimper.
“I’m right here.” It’s just a short sentence, more mumbled than spoken but there is nothing left to be said. Felix entices all the months of waiting in it.
It’s seemingly everything Hyunjin needs to hear as well, because finally that wall between them seems to break and the tide comes crashing in as the taller basically lurches forward, pinning Felix to the mattress.
Hyunjin’s mouth is on his neck first, their bodies pressed tight together and heating up the air around them even more. His fingers are still cold however, when they curl into Felix’ hair and hold tight, grasping for anything to feel the other closer, closer, closer.
Plush lips nip their way up Felix’ jugular, burning traces left in their wake and making his blood boil in a different way, like nothing ever did before. A cold hand presses down on his waist and feels him up, the first time for Hyunjin to ever touch Felix like this and it’s overwhelming in every way, the difference in temperature, his body weight on top of Felix and the slight occasional sting when he pulls on a strand of hair.
Both of them are breathing heavily just from this, all of the stored up sexual energy suddenly exploding in tenfolds, guts tightening and fingers trembling, blood gushing in ears with each hot huff of air hitting the other. Felix wraps his arms around Hyunjin, one trembling on the nape of his neck and pulling on the long strands of hair there, the other slowly inching underneath his shirt, to the hot skin of his back, feeling the muscle dance underneath.
“I want to feel you, Lix. All over me, around me, inside me, I want everything.” Hyunjin’s voice is husky and so close to Felix’ ear it makes his skin sing and fingers tighten where they are tracing the soft skin of his back, nails digging in ever so slightly.
“I’m here, just take me.”, Felix’ voice has gone impossibly deeper and darker, shooting right into Hyunjin’s middle and making him throb in his jeans. “I’ve waited for months, just fucking take me, Jinnie.”
With a moan Hyunjin reluctantly sits up on his knees to rip his shirt off, throwing it to the side carelessly and helping Felix in pulling his off too, struggling until he also sits up more. Trembling fingers get tangled in fabric and then in another pair of hands until it’s finally off and gone.
They take a look at each other then, tracing and memorizing what they can get as their hearts yelp in their chests and Hyunjin whines highly in his throat when Felix’ eyes leave him.
The younger’s skin is slightly paler than Hyunjin’s, freckles and moles running up his toned stomach and disappearing under thick black fabric where Felix is now working on opening rows of hooks, shaking fingers struggling from adrenaline surging through his veins.
Hyunjin’s fingers aren’t much steadier when he goes in to help, but Felix moves his own to the side, letting him work the last few hooks to open his binder. It’s a struggle, chest constricted tight under the thick fabric, but they manage eventually and pull it off, discarding it to the floor just like everything else.
The urge to cover up overcomes Felix, but he refrains from it, instead scooting closer to Hyunjin and tracing his collar bones, taking in his smooth chest and flat yet soft stomach. There’s a single birthmark right under his ribcage and Felix can’t refrain from poking his finger into it, making Hyunjin gasp and his whole body shudder from his light touches.
In a mirroring motion, Hyunjin reaches out to touch too, index finger dancing over Felix’ abs, pressing down in the ridges and relishing in the reactions, little bucks and moans. He trails upwards, the ridges and indents of the binder starkly palpable under his soft touches, skin there seemingly even hotter.
“Do you mind if I touch your chest?” he asks softly, three fingers resting over where Felix’ heart is beating heavily under his skin.
“You can touch me everywhere, Jinnie.” Felix whispers, fingers crawling down Hyunjin’s skin to feel his heartbeat too. They stay like this for a bit, just feeling the other’s heart thump in time with their own until Felix moves his hand again, slowly trailing upwards and to the side of his boyfriend’s neck to feel the pulse there too.
Hyunjin follows along, his eyes rushing between Felix’ own, his hand on his neck, up and down his body and then back again, unsure and a bit scared, so his boyfriend smiles a bit and licks his lips almost tentatively as a means to calm him down.
They don’t need words to know what they’ll do. As soon as Felix moves his hand, Hyunjin follows. When Felix does something to him, the other will do the same. It’s an easy game to not overstep boundaries or do something that feels bad and Hyunjin visibly relaxes when Felix slowly trails his hand downwards.
He traces his nails over the skin of Hyunjin’s chest, digging a bit deeper the closer he gets to his nipples and with a slight delay, Hyunjin does the same, already keening from even the lightest of touches.
When Felix presses down on Hyunjin’s nipple with the pad of his thumb, Hyunjin does too. And when he finally rolls the perky skin between two fingers, the same is done to him and it makes the both of them moan out in unison, deep voice meeting high breathiness in a beautiful duet.
From a first time of trying to get used to touching each other, it quickly turns to a game of who will break first, Felix soon getting mean and using both hands to touch everywhere his position will let him, pushing Hyunjin back slightly to give him free roam of his whole chest.
His boyfriend is losing the game by a long shot, just grabbing whatever skin he can get and trying to make Felix feel as good, but he is sensitive and deprived and cries out quickly, his own chest splotchy red and nipples pink and puffy from Felix’ fingers.
It truly shows just how much in the lead he is, when Felix bends forward and catches Hyunjin’s left nipple between his lips, free hand reaching out to steady himself on Hyunjin’s thigh. He lightly bites on the puckered skin and it nearly sends Hyunjin flying from the bed, tumbling backwards and pulling Felix on top of him.
He’s moaning loud renditions of Felix’ name, rutting against his abs and he honestly could come like this, probably too quickly if it wouldn’t be for his jeans uncomfortably pressing into him and ruining even the most delicious friction.
“O-off,” Hyunjin finally manages, hands dropping next to him on the bed when Felix climbs off of him and starts working on opening his jeans.
He watches him carefully, the way his pupils are blown wide and his lips are bitten from pleasure. How his chest is heaving, and the marks of his binder are slowly disappearing, making space for red splotches were fingers pressed down earlier.
Hyunjin is in love. He has known for months and he has let Felix know months ago as well, but in this moment, it becomes clearer than ever, his heart missing beats whenever Felix looks up from where his fingers are working on Hyunjin’s jeans and smiles so sweetly at him. How his pinky traces the skin over the hem of his pants and how he presses down on his erection through the fabric when he finally has the zipper open.
“You’ll have to help me here or I’ll never get them off, baby.” Felix says, his hands having stilled with fingers hooked under the waistband of both Hyunjin’s jeans and his underwear, ready to pull them off.
Completely overwhelmed by the nickname Hyunjin just whines, taking a few seconds to actually push his hips up on unsteady legs. Felix just smiles, completely endeared by his absolute sweetheart of a boyfriend, as he pulls his pants off in a semi-smooth motion, the fabric getting tangled at his ankles, but finally off with a bit of struggle.
Hyunjin just lays there, one arm draped on the duvet above his head and one of his knees slightly bent, his body arching beautifully in Felix’ bed. His cock is laying hard and flushed against his soft stomach, curving slightly and a bit of precum leaking from the tip.
It’s the first time Felix has seen him like this, completely naked and hard and wanting, ready for the thing he needed for so long. It’s overwhelming, even more so when Hyunjin’s cock twitches at the mere sight of him, a drop of precum dripping onto his soft skin and Felix blushes even deeper at the thought of having his boyfriend inside of him soon.
The arm currently laying above Hyunjin’s head moves lower, covering his eyes in an attempt to not see the way Felix is devouring him with his eyes, eating him whole and leaving him nothing more than a horny puddle on his bed.
“P-please, Lix…” He whimpers, voice gone and it’s what snaps his boyfriend out of his awed state, making him move and push Hyunjin’s legs flat on the bed before straddling him again, his face buried in his neck.
Felix takes no time in sucking the fluttering skin between his lips and creating mark after mark after mark, tracing down over his collar bones and chest, biting into the softness of Hyunjin’s tummy as he crawls lower. When Felix’ lips reach his boyfriend’s hipbone he has left behind a map of marks, some a barely-there pink and others a deep purple, some just indents of his teeth and others sweeping bruises.
It makes him lose his mind with every little whimper and whine coming from Hyunjin every time he bites down or sucks harshly, makes him want in a way of taking and marking what is his, a possessiveness Felix never felt for any partner before Hyunjin.
“My pretty Jinnie,” he groans against soft skin and can’t help from rutting down where he is pressed against the other’s shin. Hyunjin cries out at that, now both hands covering his eyes in shy embarrassment but Felix doesn’t stop him, too preoccupied with kissing and nipping on the skin leading to Hyunjin’s erection, softness turning to stubble the lower he gets.
Hands land in his hair before he even reaches there, Hyunjin’s head now pressed into a pillow instead as his hands are occupied with pushing Felix down, closer to him and farther away at the same time.
Felix nuzzles into the space between Hyunjin’s cock and his lower stomach, rubbing and smelling and completely enticed by everything Hyunjin surrounding him there. Almost mindless he wraps his fingers around the base of his boyfriend’s cock and takes the head in his mouth, lapping up every last bit of precum and moaning at the bitter taste of it.
Now the hands in his hair are definitely pushing away, a clear sign this time around, so Felix sits back up and wipes his lips with the back of his hand. Hyunjin sits up too, chest heaving and eyes cloudy as he tries to find his voice.
“Want to be inside you…”, he manages finally, looking to the side to not have to meet Felix’ gaze. “Don’t want to come yet.”
He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth in an embarrassed fashion, waiting for his boyfriend to say something but instead he feels a small finger under his chin, moving him to look at Felix.
“You’re so cute, baby, how about you do that then?” It’s voiced as a question but really, it’s a request, especially when Felix moves to flop down opposite of Hyunjin, an expectant look on his face.
Hyunjin struggles to stumble forward and sit in between Felix’ spread legs, shaking hands running over his sides and tugging his sweatpants and briefs down smoothly, carelessly throwing them behind himself.
Felix spreads his legs further then, watching Hyunjin’s every reaction propped up on his elbows. When the other doesn’t move, just sits there staring between his legs, mouth open and drool nearly escaping, Felix rolls his eyes.
“Come on,” he says, trailing one hand downwards to run a finger over himself. “You’ll have to move if you want to get inside of me.” Felix spreads himself open with two fingers, before pushing one digit inside of himself ever so slightly. He then pulls his hand back completely and props the finger into his mouth.
Felix licks it clean and just keeps it there, smirking around the digit when Hyunjin actually drools and a glob of spit rolls out of the corner of his mouth, the other quickly scrambling to wipe his face clean and blushing furiously.
“J-just touch?” It’s as if Hyunjin has lost any trace of coherent thought, his only thoughts being about Felix looking like a God spread out in front of him and how his cock hurts where it’s throbbing between his legs.
“Here, I’ll show you,” Felix says after pulling his finger out of his mouth and holding out his hand for Hyunjin to take. “Just touch.”
He guides his boyfriend’s hand to his middle then, fingers barely tracing the hairs above his pubic bone before leading him even lower and pressing his palm down tightly.
It’s hot. Even hotter than Hyunjin feels and even hotter than Felix’ lips felt stretched around his cock. It’s warm and soft and inviting and all on their own Hyunjin’s fingers dip inside, between swollen labia and stretching them apart to get a better look.
Felix whines at that, the most wanton sound that left him the whole evening and he lets his head fall back onto the pillow, allowing himself and Hyunjin to get a little bit lost in this. His hand stays on Hyunjin’s as security and to steady himself as well, also to be even more connected.
Despite never having touched Felix, Hyunjin finds out easily how to make him lose his mind, how he moans loud and presses into his touch and he is quick to repeat the movements. To press down against his clit and rub it in alternating movements, to sometimes stop and give Felix a moment to breathe before pressing down harder again, making the other slowly lose his mind.
After a few minutes it’s Felix’ legs that are trembling, a hand fisted into the sheets and the other wrapped around Hyunjin’s wrist as he keeps moaning out praises and surprised yelps, swears even, when his boyfriend finally pushes a finger inside of him.
Hyunjin’s fingers are long and Felix thinks he might become obsessed with them. They’re so much longer than his own and reach deep, hitting something he barely hits himself, even with toys.
When Hyunjin then adds a second finger and rubs them along the sensitive roof of his vagina, all the while pressing his thumb into his clit, Felix actually cries out.
“You feel different here,” his boyfriend just says, observing and pressing down harder whilst thrusting his fingers in and out slowly. It’s the first time in a while, that Hyunjin even manages a sentence without a moan or whine interrupting him.
“Y-yeah and you should stop now or I’ll c-come, baby.” Felix’ voice is beautifully ruined, raspy and wet and delicious and Hyunjin can’t help but bend forward and kiss him hard, keeping his fingers inside of him but stilling his movements.
Felix opens his mouth immediately, sliding his tongue over Hyunjin’s hungrily and not caring when their teeth bump against each other or when his nose gets in the way. Even when he yelps lightly when Hyunjin pulls his fingers out of him they stay locked together, a mess of lips and spit and tongue.
It’s intoxicating and distracting apparently, because Felix is surprised when two wet fingers suddenly press against his lips. He opens his mouth wider to let them in, sliding his tongue over the digits and moaning at his familiar taste, just that it’s on someone else’s fingers and that that someone’s tongue is also lapping at them greedily, making even more of a mess between their lips.
On top of that Hyunjin is now squished down on him, his hard cock pressed up against Felix’ abs and rutting against them ever so slightly, so close to where Felix’ body is screaming for him to go, yet so far.
So he tries to reposition himself without disturbing Hyunjin, continuing to suck on his long fingers and clashing the other's tongue with his own, sucking down his moans. He manages to finally slide back enough for Hyunjin’s cock to be in reach for him, just needs small fingers to press him down into his heat.
When Hyunjin’s tip collides with Felix’ clit, the taller throws his head back, pulling his fingers out of his boyfriend’s mouth and whining highly in his throat. He looks down between them where Felix fingers are wrapping around his cock, making it look unnecessarily big as it keeps being pushed up and down over Felix’ clit.
Hyunjin’s not going to last long. Not at all.
“Want you inside.”, It sounds shy and desperate and very unlike Felix, so Hyunjin gawks at him to see if he misheard, gaining a look at his blushing boyfriend, bottom lip jutted out cutely. “There’s condoms and lube in the drawer.”
Because Felix is still very much trapped under Hyunjin’s lean body and can’t quite reach his nightstand, he just motions his head to the side, barely meeting the other’s gaze.
Hyunjin jumps into motion and nearly rips the drawer out completely, making Felix chuckle breathily and himself flush up to his ears in embarrassment. It brings that stupid need to bite back to Felix’ mind, so he moves forward and takes the first thing he can get, Hyunjin’s shoulder, teeth digging into soft skin and hard bone lightly.
With a whimper, Hyunjin fumbles for the lube and a condom, nearly dropping the items when Felix keeps biting down harder and surely leaving bruising indents of his teeth on his shoulder. He pulls back and pushes Felix off carefully, earning a disgruntled sound and a pout, before Felix seems to remember what they are actually about to do.
He gulps as he takes the condom from Hyunjin’s hand, hoping that it will even be the right size for his boyfriend. Quivering fingers rip the foil open and pull the slick condom out, Hyunjin just sitting there on his knees, cock hard and waiting but not moving to help whatsoever.
So of course, Felix moves to do it himself, grabbing Hyunjin’s erection and rolling the condom down carefully, biting his lips at Hyunjin’s high moans and the way his stomach clenches beautifully at the feeling.
He lets himself fall back on the bed then, wiping his palm on the duvet and spreading his legs, just waiting for Hyunjin to do something.
“C-come on, do something. Don’t just sit there and stare at me.” Felix’ bottom lip is deep red from him biting on it, his heart fluttering nervously in anticipation but Hyunjin is not moving. He’s about to protest some more when the other finally moves to bend forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.
“I’m sorry, you’re just so hot I couldn’t help myself.” It’s partly true, because a big part of Hyunjin was also just trying to calm himself enough to not come as soon as he will slide into Felix, especially when his fingers looked so tiny rolling the condom on him.
“Cheesy. Now just please put some lube on and get inside of me you fool.” Felix’ body has turned to a constant thrum of pure need, every muscle pulled tight in hopes of finally snapping the months-long buildup of sexual frustration and he can’t hold back a desperate moan when the familiar sound of the bottle of lube opening reaches his ears.
Hyunjin slicks himself up slowly, trying to keep his breathing steady and not concentrate on how Felix’ body is winding with need, his vagina clenching and unclenching and just begging him in, his mouth so pink and wet from his tongue repeatedly running over it.
He has to twist his fist around his base to stop himself from completely losing it right there, the slight hit of pain bringing him down somewhat and clearing his mind enough to speak once more.
“Please don’t think I’m stupid, but I always thought vaginas kind of… self-lubricate…” He shuffles closer to Felix, the other quickly pushing his legs up to his chest and making space for his boyfriend.
“That sounds cooler than it is,” he just mumbles, smiling comfortingly at Hyunjin to show him that it’s okay to ask questions like this. “You’re not wrong, but ever since I started hormone therapy the… the consistency changed,” he takes a break then, trying to read any sort of disgust in Hyunjin’s face but there is none, just genuine interest. “Also, you’re big and it’s been a while…”
The taller blushes deeply at the last part, making Felix grin to himself before pulling him down by the shoulder until he is pressed against him, stretching his legs back even further but oh so beautifully close.
He finally listens to his urges then, burying one hand in Hyunjin’s hair and lightly biting down on the shell of his ear, carefully nibbling the sensitive skin until his boyfriend is shuddering against him, breath hot on Felix’ neck and lining himself up with his slick hand still tightly wrapped around his length.
Felix’ free hand digs into the skin of Hyunjin’s back and a breathy whine escapes him when he is slowly spread open around his boyfriend’s tip, his walls forced apart when Hyunjin pushes in deeper and deeper.
He goes slow and careful, trying to savour the feeling but not stopping once until he can’t possibly go any further, filling Felix up completely with his length and still not being completely engulfed.
Felix tries to reposition himself a bit, angling his hips further back and Hyunjin manages to slip in a tiny bit deeper but still not fully. It feels hot and pulsing and it stings but Felix moans loudly at the feeling, so full and warm, filled out more than ever before and it feels better than his dreams could’ve ever shown him.
There’s a constant weight and pressing against his deepest spots, something he barely ever felt even with his biggest toy and it brings tears of lust to his eyes and desperate begs to his lips.
Hyunjin is completely overwhelmed. Felix is tight, so tight he feels like he can’t even breathe, but he is also soft and hot around him, pulsing and warm and Hyunjin could swear he can feel every single sound from his boyfriend reverberate through his walls, making him lose his mind even more.
It’s so much, that he can’t help his head from falling forward, burying it into Felix shoulders and drooling against his skin. His long black hair is tickling the other’s neck, but Felix couldn’t care less, can barely concentrate on anything other than the stretch deep inside of him.
For a long time, they stay like this, deeply connected and trying to get used to it, barely managing to pull air into their lungs. But the more minutes pass, the harder Felix’ legs start to shake against his sides, the more he yearns for something even more intense.
But Hyunjin isn’t moving and like usually it’s Felix who has to coerce him into doing what both of them desire. So he untangles his fingers and grazes them down over Hyunjin’s back, barely reaching the curve of his ass, but gripping tight as soon as he gets in reach, pulling him back with all of his force.
The other’s hips follow automatically, Hyunjin’s cock pulling back and out till barely the tip is left inside of Felix. He cries out at it, biting down in the space between Felix’ neck and shoulder, tears slowly seeping into the pillow underneath him.
Felix can’t help but moan too, his breath quickly stolen again however when he pushes Hyunjin back in till he feels incredibly full once more.
“Y-you’re so fucking big, oh my god,” he mumbles lowly into Hyunjin’s ear, feeling his boyfriend throb inside of him at the compliment. “I feel so full, baby, so good from your cock.”
The praise makes Hyunjin cry out even more, his whole body curling against Felix with each word. It makes him grind his hips on his own, not really thrusting but rolling them deeply buried inside of his boyfriend, a sweet warmth slowly spreading throughout of them.
Felix can feel a sheen of sweat slowly appearing on Hyunjin’s back, a drop rolling down his shoulder and to where his fingers are still desperately grasping the curve of his ass.
He can’t help but take a taste, his tongue lapping over Hyunjin’s neck delicately and taking in the saltiness of him. It seems to spur the other on because finally he pulls back on his own accord, leaving Felix feeling empty and cold before he pushes back in with a surprising strength, knocking every last breath from his boyfriend’s lungs.
His hands dropping to the mattress and clutching into the duvet for purpose, Felix let’s himself fall into the pleasure, eyes rolling back into his head when Hyunjin sets on a steady rhythm of deep and hard thrusts, hitting his deepest spots easily and rubbing along his walls in all the right ways.
The slide is smooth and delicious from the lube, easy, so that even Hyunjin can manage to thoroughly fuck his boyfriend, tears still rolling down his cheeks as he takes more and more control, grabbing Felix’ hips and holding him tight.
Felix is rocked further up the bed with each thrust, his heart seemingly stopping with particularly hard plows and his throat aching from the sounds ripped from him. He feels tears prick at his eyes too, his body pulled so tight and everything suddenly released with having Hyunjin so close, filling him up and being truly his in every way. Finally.
He feels like he’s unfolding, slowly melting apart and filling up the air around him with his moans and emotions overflowing. Hyunjin’s grip on his hips is bordering on painful, his teeth digging into his neck harshly every once in a while, and his cock is fucking him so deep Felix feels like he might never be whole without it again.
With a particularly sharp thrust he is pushed over the edge, exploding under Hyunjin and spasming with wave after wave of his orgasm washing over him. Felix moans Hyunjin’s name loudly, praising his baby with slurred words and paired with his walls clenching tightly around his length the other comes too, releasing into the condom as he stills deep inside of Felix.
He cries out thank you after thank you, grinding his way through his orgasm as Felix arms wind around his shoulder, his legs around his middle, pulling him in deeper and deeper.
Hyunjin feels like he’s drowning, everything that is Felix filling his lungs and his veins, surging through him and pressing down around him and he is drowning. Spluttering on tears and skin and soft pillows and he comes again, dry with spasms rocking through him and Felix holds him through it, pulls him into his body and keeps him there, deep in the middle of the ocean that he is, forever safe.