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Seungsik had a bad day, well actually he had a bad week. He hadn’t really slept like at all, he was too stressed and he was too busy to not let it show to anyone. They had been working on their new choreo, but because Seungsik hadn’t slept, he wasn’t getting it and that made him feel bad for himself and everyone else. Everything just felt too much. He was getting cranky but because he was the mom of the group he couldn’t really show any of his real feelings. He just needed to do everything like normally and to keep smiling. That was his new motto: ‘just smile and not let anyone see you’re tired’.
It was easy to fool the younger ones, they didn’t really pay attention to their hyungs feelings. The one he needed to be careful around was their oldest Seungwoo. Because Seungwoo always paid too much attention, sometimes Seungsik let his smile go a little too early and he’d see Seungwoo watching him with a worried kind of blank face. He always tried to smile to him reassuringly, but he knew it wouldn’t take long for the other to figure out how fucked up he was.
Today was exceptionally hard day for Seungsik. He slept less than a hour last night and he was so tired. He felt his smile falling from his face more than usually but he just didn’t have the energy to care anymore. Not even when he felt eyes on him. Yeah Seungwoo kept watching him, Seungsik had felt Seungwoos eyes on him the whole day.
“Sikie, can I talk to you?” Seungwoo asked. They had just finished dinner and Seungsik was doing the dishes because that’s what everyone expected him to do. Seungsik froze this is what he’s been dreading Seungwoo trying to fix him. Still he answered “yeah, what’s wrong hyung?” “You know that’s what I’ve been wanting to ask you. Is everything alright Seungsik? You seem.. not quite yourself” Seungwoo said. Seungsik froze again while trying to decide what to answer, “yeah. Everything is fine, just a little tired that’s it. There’s nothing to worry about hyung”. Seungwoo kept looking at his face like he was trying to figure out a puzzle. He could see that Sikie was far from fine, his smile looked so forced that anyone could have tell that it was fake, the bags under his eyes were big and dark like he hadn’t slept in ages. Seungwoo knew he shouldn’t push Seungsik too much, he would talk when he’s ready “well you should go and take a rest then, I can finish the dishes”. Seungsik looked at him with a surprised face, Seungwoo took the plate he was holding and pushed him gently aside. “If you’re sure hyung”, Seungsik answered. “Yes. Go to bed Sikie, I can take care of few dishes. Sweet dreams Sikie” he said. “Thanks hyung” Seungsik said and left the kitchen. He was glad that he could get away from Seungwoos gaze and that he hadn’t pushed him to talk. Seungsik knew that Seungwoo didn’t believe him though, he knew he wasn’t that convincing. He was glad anyway when he went to his room. He fell on his bed.
But sleep just didn’t come to him. Seungsik just kept trying but failing anyway. No matter what he did he just couldn’t fall asleep. He tried putting headphones on and listening to some music but sleep still didn’t come. He checked time from his phone and realised it was already 2am. He decide to get up and get something to drink, and see if he could get at least a nap on the couch. He sneaked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and went to the living room. Seungsik fell to the couch, he was so tired, he didn’t know why he couldn’t sleep. Last time he slept more than two hours was a week ago when Byungchan had climbed in his bed in the middle of the night. Byungchan had had a nightmare and he didn’t want to sleep alone. So of course Seungsik let him cuddle him and they had both fell asleep so fast.
Seungsik kept drinking his water and watching out from the window. Moon was big and bright, and Seungsik noticed it would be full moon in few more nights. Suddenly someone sat next to him and Seungsik was startled from his thoughts. He looked to his left and saw it was Seungwoo. “Can’t sleep?” he asked. Seungsik looked at him before answering “No, not really. You?” Seungwoo just shaked his head for answer. They stayed silent for a moment, both just watching the moon. Something about Seungwoos presence was comforting to Seungsik. He felt like he needed to confess everything to Seungwoo so that’s exactly what he did. “You know I lied to you earlier. When you asked if something is wrong with me.” Seungsik was trying to figure out what to say, and Seungwoo was kind enough to just wait in silence while he tried to put his feelings into words. “You know I haven’t slept in a week. Before you ask I don’t know why. I just can’t seem to fall asleep. And I struggled with the choreo because of that, and then I just felt bad and even more stressed because of that and you know how it goes. It’s an endless cycle.” Seungsik just blurted everything out. Seungwoo was quiet and he was obviously trying to understand everything that had just come out of Seungsiks mouth.
“You know that you don’t need to keep anything from me Sikie? You should always be able to come talk to me when something is troubling you” Seungwoo said quietly. He came closer to Seungsik and took his hand in his. “Having not slept in a week is a big deal Sikie. You know you can’t function without sleep. Anyone can’t. And if it were any of the kids or me you would scold us so much about not sleeping. So why didn’t you come to me or to someone else if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me about this?”
Seungsik looked at Seungwoo horrified “Of course I’m comfortable talking to you hyung! It’s not that. I just didn’t think it was such a big problem, and you have so much on your mind already that I didn’t want to bother you with something so small and stupid.”
“If it bothers you it’s not stupid. You know Sikie that you can always come to me even with the most smallest of troubles. No matter what I’m here for you. Whenever you need me.” Seungwoo said while looking into Seungsiks eyes.
They both had tears in their eyes. Seungsik because he felt stupid that he didn’t seek Seungwoos help earlier and Seungwoo because he was so worried about Seungsik. Seungwoo pulled Seungsik in for a hug and that’s when they both started crying. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was closer to 10 minutes. Once they pulled apart Seungwoo wiped the tears from Seungsiks cheeks and whispered “Let’s go to bed Sikie.” Seungwoo got up and pulled Seungsik with him and heard him whisper quiet “yes hyung.”
Seungwoo lead them to Seungsiks room and to his bed. He laid down first and pulled Seungsik close to him. Seungsik laid his head on Seungwoos chest and closed his eyes, he heard Seungwoo whisper quietly “I’ll always keep you safe Sikie. No matter what.” Seungsik listened the quiet steady breathing of his leader and he could already feel sleep washing over him in the rhythm of Seungwoos heartbeat. Seungsik whispered a quiet “I love you Woo hyung.” Seungwoo felt his heart beat a little faster at that. He pulled Seungsik even closer against his body and whispered back ”I love you too. Sweet dreams Sikie.” Seungsik couldn’t answer anymore because he was already asleep.