Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Present Day

March 2021

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The intercom rang aloud as he jammed his thumb down on the button for the twentieth time, letting it buzz in time to the throbbing headache beginning to form at the front of his head.

John waited a moment before leaning out of a dark black SUV once more, pressing at the button in a final frustrated attempt to be answered.

Giving up, he flipped open the keypad that resided next to an unremarkable rusty gate. 

“Couldn’t have bothered letting me know the code.” He muttered to himself as he punched in birthdays, important dates, and finally just random numbers. “Knowing her, it’s probably just 123-”

The gate shuddered and swung open, revealing a long driveway, curving upwards and to the right. 

John huffed, shocked and a little disappointed. "1234, huh?" He muttered to himself. 

He ascended the driveway slowly, passing the fence and tall bushes that hid the property beyond. At the top of the driveway lay an excessive garage- cars known to most people only by reputation displayed neatly behind rows of matte black garage doors paneled with glass. 

Looming over the garage was a monolith of a white house, set back in the hill. It was accented by a dark black wood and cut with so many clean lines that it came up almost completely devoid of personality. You couldn’t learn a single thing about the occupants of the house by looking at its pristine exterior. Tall cacti and succulents were the only spots of color in the bed of rocks that surrounded the house. 

John parked his vehicle and hopped out, lightly jogging up the stairs that led to a set of heavy black double doors. Reaching for the large brass knocker, he realized that one of the doors lay open- just a crack. His military training kicked in and he reached for the gun holstered inside his jacket, using it to nose the door the rest of the way open. His footsteps fell silently on white marble floors.

As he walked further into the house, he found every surface littered with red cups. In the living room, a priceless vase was lying shattered into a million pieces across the carpet. A man with blue hair was snoring, passed out on the sofa with a selfie stick in hand. The kitchen floor was sticky with alcohol and last nights stale chips. He heard the recognizable sound of someone throwing up in a nearby bathroom. 

John sighed, holstering his gun as he headed for the stairs. “Felicity?” he called out as he reached the balcony of the second floor. "Roy?" He tried. He was met with complete silence. “Felicity!”, he proceeded down the hallway, kicking beer cans and trash out of the way. It was almost one in the afternoon- if she wasn’t awake already, he didn’t feel bad about the hangover headache he was about to give her. 

He reached what he knew to be her bedroom door at the end of the hall on the second floor, and called out when he heard shuffling within. “1234, Felicity, really? I’ve been trying to reach you all-” He was interrupted by a loud crash. 

John tore open her door to find a large dressing vanity and all its contents making its way to the floor. The vanity’s mirror shattered as it toppled, pieces of it scattering well across the room. A cry rang out as one of the pieces lodged into the arm of a man who lay partially beneath the fallen vanity. 

John spotted Felicity across the room as a streak of blonde hair, desperately trying to get her balcony door open. The man hauled himself out from beneath the furniture, leaving a smear of stark red blood on the white floor. Pieces of glass fell off him and tinkled to the ground as he stood there, breathing like an enraged bull. Felicity threw her full body weight into the door handle- it would be just her luck that it was locked. “You bitch!”, the man called out as he barreled towards her. She turned around and instantly locked eyes with John, a flash of relief turned into sheer terror as the man pressed her up against the glass doors, two large hands at her neck. 

John climbed over the remnants of the vanity that was now blocking her bedroom door. He was across the room and on her attacker before he could process what was going on. All he could see was the terrified look in Felicity’s eyes as the man's hands flexed around her neck. Withdrawing his gun, he slammed the butt of it into the man's head. His grip on her loosened momentarily, shaking off the blow like it was nothing before he threw her aside to face John. 

Fire and sheer madness burned in his eyes at the sight of John's gun drawn on him. He put his hands up slowly, backing away. 

“Who are you?” John demanded.

The man's eyes roved around the room wildly like a cornered animal, his anger rising when he glanced at Felicity weakly picking herself up off the floor. 

“I’m nobody.” he growled.

He lunged for the gun, receiving only an elbow in the face for his trouble. The man kicked out blindly as he went down, and the gun slid across the floor as John's legs crumpled under him.

John reached out, desperately attempting to slide the gun over to Felicity as he called her name, but the man pinned him down, delivering a disorienting blow to the side of his face. 

Glass crunched under Felicity's bare feet as she ran to retrieve John's gun, grasping at it with one hand at the same moment her attacker reached for it. He ripped it out of her hand and they both fell backwards when it came free. 

Both John and Felicity scrambled to their feet, standing stock still as the man pointed the gun at the two of them from his position on the floor. 

John put his hands up slowly, calculating the best moment to dive and cover Felicity- but he couldn’t think fast enough. With one hand on the trigger, the man's eyes darted back and forth between the two of them, as if deliberating over his target. 

Before anyone could catch a breath, the shot rang out. 

Chapter Text

Last Year
February 2020

“I don’t even know where to start.” tears began and were sniffled back, “This award means so much to me.” Hopeful eyes looked out on the crowd.

“And my fans, this means nothing without my fans. You know, I used to be just another girl in her room playing around with a camera, but you guys changed all of that.”

“Good lord, mom, would you turn that off?” Felicity visibly cringed as she walked into her mother's small living room.

“But my baby girl won a Netty award.” Donna cood. 

“We were both there, mom.” Felicity rolled her eyes lightheartedly, reaching for the remote to mute the TV as she took a seat next to her mother.

“Felicity, baby, you’re the influencer of the year! Don’t downplay this, I’m so proud-” 

“Okay, okay, okay mom.” She laughed, fighting off her mother's hands to take them into her own.

"I'm serious, baby girl- you used to sit there and watch that same tv with stars in your eyes."

"You know, you really need a new TV." Felicity smiled at her mother's dramatics, but Donna remained unamused.

“Mom, I’m not downplaying this,” Felicity finally turned serious,  “I’m actually- I’m really proud of everything I’ve accomplished this year.”

She melted, reaching for Felicity’s face again,“Me too, Felicity. And you know, this year is far from over.”

Present Day

March 2021

Felicity Smoak was calm.

Far too calm for someone who had just witnessed a man shoot through the glass of her balcony doors and then jump off said balcony into the courtyard below. 

Police officers swarmed the house and she sat at her kitchen island, not a thread of emotion to be read on her face. She rattled off the afternoons events to a police officer in a bored voice before a man in sterile white zip-up coveralls came over with a camera. He informed her that he was going to take pictures of her injuries in what he must have thought was a soothing voice, but Felicity couldn’t help but feel irritated at the whole thing. It wasn’t until she was asked to hold her arms in front of her that she realized they were caked with dried blood, and shaking. It was only then that shock read out on her face as she felt the pain of dozens of little glass shards in her arms and legs.

“It must have been from the mirror.” She heard herself mumble as the man in coveralls finished up and gestured for a medic. She swallowed back the rising panic only to find that her throat felt like raw sandpaper. 

The EMT’s led her to her living room, but she could still hear the echoing chatter of the police radio throughout the house. One of the men cleared some of last night's party debris from the sofas and she sat down as glass shards were removed from her wounds and bagged up. 

Felicity felt herself being drawn back from somewhere far away when she felt another EMT tapping on her shoulder. “How are you feeling?” he cocked his head in concern.

“Peachy.” she shot him a lifeless smile. 

He gave her a patronizing smile in return, “What you are feeling right now is completely normal. You most likely just experienced an adrenaline rush, so right now you may be feeling the come down of that- maybe a bit drained and shaky. We’re going to need to take you to the hosp-”

“No.” Felicity stated before hopping up off the sofa in search of John. 

“Ma'am!” The EMT called after her, “Ma’am, your injuries need-”

Felicity darted around the corner into the main hallway, effectively cutting the EMT off. She began to speed towards her front door when she almost collided with two more coveralls pushing a stretcher. The stretcher had a black bag on top of it. 

The reality of it all hit her like a ton of bricks to the chest, leaving her gasping for air. She backed away with short, uneven breaths, when she backed into the very person she was looking for. 

“Felicity?” John exclaimed as she whipped around and took him by the shoulders.

“I don’t understand.” She gasped.

John took in her wide eyes and panic stricken face, “Felicity, you need to take a deep breath.” 

“Is he- I don’t- but it was only the second story-” 

“Felicity.” John’s deep voice grabbed her attention from where her gaze had been roving wildly around the room. He took her hand from his shoulder and placed it over his chest. “Can you breathe with me?”

His words oriented her somewhat, but she could only nod in response. 

“Breathe with me.” He said

“I don’t remember how.”

“You can do this Felicity, focus on how I’m breathing and try to do the same.”

“Oh, god.” Felicity’s voice was barely a whisper as hot tears began to stream down her cheeks.

John's heart cracked in two for her, he remembered vividly the last time he had seen her like this. It wasn't fair, he thought, as he drew her into his chest with a gentle touch.

“Keep listening to my breathing. Listen to my heart beat. Our hearts are both beating and we are both safe, Felicity. It’s going to be okay.”

She drew a few lurching breaths before he felt her relax against him. “Can we go, please , John?” 

“I don’t know Felicity, I think the police had a few more questions-” John hesitated, looking over her head at the crowd of officers down the hallway and in the courtyard beyond the kitchen. 

“Can’t it wait?” She cried out desperately, digging sharp fingernails into his arms unintentionally. His gaze was drawn back to hers by the edge of hysteria in her voice. 

He pulled back only a little so that she would meet his eye, “Let’s get you out of here, Felicity.”

Roy Harper chose that exact moment to burst through her front doors, "Felicity? Felicity, what's going on?"

She would have jumped a foot in the air if John hadn't been holding her. 

Two officers grabbed at him as they panted up the steps behind him.

Felicity tore away from John to stop them, "It's okay! It's okay, he's with me."

"Like hell he is." John seethed.

Four sets of eyes turned to John in shock. 

"Where the hell were you? You should have been here." Roy's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish.

“John, please.” Felicity’s voice was tiny as she pulled him back with one hand on his arm. He took one look down at her and she could see the anger melt off of his tight shoulders, "We're leaving. But the next time I see you, you better have a damn good explanation."

“I’m sorry, Roy.” her voice quavered.

“No Felicity, I’m sorry.” He turned around, letting the cops lead him back away from the house.

---

John glanced around the perimeter one last time as he followed Felicity through the door of his home, closing it behind them silently. Her arms were crossed, trying to keep up a cool facade, but John knew she was about one surprise away from jumping out of her skin. 

She’d drawn back into herself during the car ride over to his place, replying to the few questions John had managed to ask with only glances and shrugs.

“Lyla’s out of town for a while, it’s just us tonight.” 

She nodded in response, standing in his front hall looking lost. 

Felicity loved John's house- it felt like home. It was comfortable and brimming with the life that John and Lyla had brought into it. She could walk through its halls blindfolded, whereas these days, she often got lost in whatever new place management stuck her in.

“Hey.”

Felicity turned to find John looking at her curiously.

“I guess it would be pretty stupid to ask you if you're okay, but-”

“I'm fine, John.“ Felicity shrugged off his concern with indifference. An indifference so starkly contrasting her earlier panic, it almost gave him whiplash.

“I know that's not true, Felicity.” John shook his head as she shuffled her feet in response. “You’re going to be safe here, and you can stay as long as you want.” He reassured.

“You really don’t have to do that.”

“I really do.”

Felicity relented, smiling a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. The half smile fell away as she finally took a good look at him. 

"You're bleeding." Felicity exclaimed.

He reached up to touch his face, his fingers coming away with blood. "I guess I am."

"I'm so sorry, oh my god, John, I'm so sorry." Felicity panicked. 

"Hey," He said softly, "I’m going to be fine, it doesn’t even hurt."

She swallowed as her hands dropped from his face, “I’m sorry for earlier, for everything. The paramedics wanted to take me to the hospital and-” Her eyes dropped to her feet and her voice dropped to a whisper, “Well, you know how I feel about that.”

John nodded solemnly, waiting for her to continue.

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” She blurted as a red flush crept up her face, “I’m so embarrassed-” 

“Hey,” John took a gentle step towards her, “You just went through a lot, it’s completely normal to break down.”

“Well it wasn’t normal for me.” She wrapped her arms around herself tight.

John cleared his throat, trying to broach the subject as delicately as possible. "Do you- do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Felicity said sharply before he could even finish his sentence, recoiling at her own outburst.

"Sorry, no, I'm fine. I just need some time." Felicity’s voice regained some of it’s distance as she dodged his eye.

"Alright, but, Felicity, I just need to ask you-" John hesitated, looking as nervous as she had ever seen him. "Are you hurt? Before I got there-"

"No, God no, John." She sighed. "You got there just in time. I woke up- he was coming into my room and-", Felicity froze, the words escaping her.

"Okay." He nodded, studying her for a moment before turning to the living room, realizing she was done with the subject.

“Should I order us something to eat?” he called over his shoulder.

“Um, pizza?” she suggested, snapping out of a trance, letting her arms fall back down to her sides to follow in his wake.

Felicity did a double take when she passed by a mirror in the hallway. Stopping in her tracks, she reached up to pull a glass shard out of the tangle of her long blonde hair when her hands paused at her throat. Deep red bruises bloomed there- a deep red to match eyes that were streaked with last night's makeup. She looked about as bad as she felt. 

“Pizza it is!” John announced, holding up his phone as she entered the living room. “The perfect hangover food.” He added lowly as she folded herself into the couch opposite him.

“You really think now is the best time to chastise me?” she turned to him, warning flashing in her eyes.

“I thought you were fine?” John cocked his head at her.

“I am fine, I just don’t need to hear this from you right now.”

John reached over and plucked another glass shard from her hair, holding it up to her with a “hmm.”

“Just say whatever the frack you need to say and get it over with, John.”

“Alright,” He replied, settling into the couch, “What on earth were you doing throwing a party like that?”

Felicity dug her palm into her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. “It was a house warming party, you’re the one who was so insistent that I move in the first place!” 

“Your address was on google, Felicity- google .” John emphasized with his hands, “I couldn’t even get in your house that one day because there were so many people at the front gate. What is the point of going through all the trouble of moving away from all that, if you’re just going to be giving out the address of the new place? We talked about this, I asked you to keep a low profile after the letters.”

Felicity’s eyes went wide,  “You think that the letters have something to do with this?

“You’re not hearing me, I’m telling you that you’re not being careful. The only reason that maniac was able to get in is because you and your friends got wasted and Roy wasn’t-”

“So you’re saying that this is my fault? It’s my fault that some psycho chose to break into my house-” Felicity stopped herself as her voice began to shake, "I told you I didn't want to talk about this."

John deflated at that, leaning forward to speak to her gently, “That’s not at all what I’m saying Felicity. I just- I worry about you. You need people around you who are going to consider your safety.” 

“That’s what I have you for, apparently. I’m still alive, aren’t I?” She snapped at him despite his soft tone. 

“You insisted that Roy was enough when you took him on, but so far all he’s been is trouble.”

“Stop talking about Roy!” Felicity raised her voice. “None of this was his fault.”

John remained calm as she yelled at him, “Alright, alright. What I’m trying to say is that, of course I’ll always there for you Felicity, but I don’t work for you, I haven’t in a long time, and I am not your personal bodyguard- 

“Could have fooled me.”

John took a deep breath, rising from his seat on the couch. “I am your friend, and I care about you. This is serious, Felicity.” He paced the room, “What would have happened if I hadn’t been checking up on you? What’s going to happen the next time I’m not there? As much as I would love to, I can’t be there for you all the time. You’re lucky I was even in town at all.”

She quieted, drawing her knees up to her chest. “You’re there enough.” 

“Well, what if enough isn’t enough?” He raised his voice.

Felicity rolled her eyes, “John, you’re not even making any sense-”

“Stop trying to snark your way out of this one, Felicity. You almost died tonight! You need to come to terms with how things are now. You have millions of people who love you, and sadly, some who are going to want to hurt you. That’s not going away anytime soon. I know you wish you could go back to how things used to be, but you can’t! Hell, you’ve been gone for months and people are even more obsessed with you now. You can’t go back, Felicity!” John stared her down, breathing hard from having raised his voice.

Felicity met his stare until she felt tears come up, she turned from him as she blinked them away. “You think I don’t know that?” She was so quiet he barely heard her. 

“Felicity.” He said pleadingly, falling into the seat next to her and drawing his arms around her, “I love you way too much to let anything happen to you.”

“I love you too, John.” She held onto the arms that were wrapped around her, rocking with quiet sobs. “You’re all I have left.”

---

Felicity slept a dreamless sleep. 

She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, which was helped along by a hot shower, pizza, and the comfortable mattress she frequented in John's guest room. 

She opened her eyes what felt like seconds later to find the sun streaming through unfamiliar curtains. She sat straight up, taking in her surroundings- memories flooded back and she pulled a pillow over her head with a groan. 

But Felicity couldn’t hold out against the scent of coffee for long. Rolling out of bed, she sucked in a breath at the sting of her cut feet touching the cold floor. She looked around for a pair of socks to go with the oversized sweatpants of Johns, and Lyla’s ARGUS event security t-shirt. She found a pair that had been left out for her, rolled them on, and padded into the kitchen.

“Yikes- you’ve looked better.”

Felicity stopped in her tracks. She hadn’t seen her in a while, probably the longest while since they had known each other. 

“Sara,” she croaked out, “what a nice surprise.” She answered nonchalantly, bringing a hand to her sore throat as she rounded the kitchen island her new visitor was seated at. 

“I figured I should check up on you- nothing interesting has happened since our last email exchange, has it?”

Felicity took a cup down from the cabinet and got busy at the coffee maker. “Hmm. Not that I can think of?” She played along.

“Oh, we got you that hair gummy sponsorship,” Sara talked over the rim of her own cup of coffee, “there’s a bunch of stipulations about the content they’re looking for, though.”

“You couldn’t have texted me that? Or emailed?” Felicity answered from over her shoulder. “I’m surprised they would even want me. Besides, I’m not producing any content right now, you know that.”

Sara’s mischievous smile faltered, “In all seriousness Felicity, are you alright?”

Felicity took a large gulp of plain black coffee, turning back around, “Now I am.”

“Well,” Sara sighed, “I'm glad you have coffee now, because I have to tell you something you're going to hate."

John entered the kitchen, “Is this something she is going to hate more than knowing that there are police currently parked outside, waiting to take us in for a written testimony?”

Felicity gasped, "John, your pretty face!"

She rushed to examine his wounds and bruises which had darkened with the new day. He flinched away as her fingers hovered over a freshly stitched up cut.

"It'll be okay." He assured her. "The police, however, are getting antsy."

Felicity groaned, slumping into a seat at the island. “How did they even know where to find me?”

“We didn’t just skip out yesterday, Felicity, I let one of the detectives know where you would be.”

“Traitor.” Felicity pouted in his direction, “Do we have to go? Can’t they get my statement here?” 

"It will just make things easier, Felicity.” John answered vaguely. “I need to give my statement too, there's paperwork to sign, it'll just be easier.” John reached into a kitchen cabinet and Felicity’s eyes lit up when he placed a silvery package in front of her.

“Strawberry still your favorite?”

Felicity paused from tearing into the pop-tart to shoot John another dirty look on his way out of the kitchen, “Don’t think that this in any way redeems you.”

“I’d make you two a real breakfast but it'll have to be poptarts for now, we leave for the station in ten.” John answered over his shoulder.

“So what was it that I was gonna hate?” Felicity asked around a mouthful of poptart.

Sara gave her friend a rueful smile from across the counter, “Not now, let’s just get through today. You should know, we've already had a meeting at Helix regarding how to manage things surrounding your uh- incident.”

“Of course, you’re my manager.” Felicity replied easily, not looking her in the eye. "Manage me."

Felicity could see Sara’s jaw clench from where she was pretending not to look, “Right.” 

“So what's the plan?” She swirled her coffee absentmindedly,

“We've got a couple of publicists working on a statement, but they're undecided about putting anything out just yet.”

“Wow, Helix must really love me- my own dedicated team of publicists.” The irony was thick in Felicity’s voice. Helix was Felicity's management company- whose in-house legal services, PR, and agents had been indispensable in her career so far. That is, until this past year. 

Sara pasted on a smile, “You know you’re our favorite client.” and then waited a beat, “We should talk about press.”

Felicity frowned at the island countertop. “I don’t want to talk about this with the press.” 

“That’s more than fine, Felicity.” Sara said gently, “We don’t want anything getting out about this right now.”

Felicity met her eye with confusion, “That’s not like Helix at all. I half expected you to have me telling my harrowing tale on Good Morning Star City already.”

Sara looked up at the ceiling, taking a moment to choose her words carefully, “There is a threat to your security, Felicity. At this time, they think it’s best if you keep a low profile.”

“Don’t talk to me like you’re reading a prepared statement, Sara. If we're not doing press, then why are you here? And what do you mean there is a threat to my security? I thought he was-” Felicity gulped down a breath as her mind took her places she didn’t want to go. Blood and glass on the bedroom floor. A sickening thud. Blood on the floor. So much blood-  

“Felicity.” Sara called sharply.

Felicity’s head snapped up to find Sara suddenly next to her with a hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s alright. He’s gone. You’re safe.”

---

It's alright. He's gone. You're safe.

It's alright. He's gone. You're safe. 

Felicity repeated the words in her head to remind herself as she rocked, hands wrapped around her knees. She was seated on a hard plastic bench in the waiting area of the police station, wondering why she had gotten her testimony over with before John had.

The detectives were nice enough, apologizing for the necessity of having to go back over the events, and then go back over them again before signing a nice hefty document they had helped her prepare. 

It was over, she had told them what happened, and she never had to think about it again. There would be no court case for a dead man. The letters would stop, she could stop looking over her shoulder and get back to living. The detectives had reassured her they were going to get to the bottom of things but she would be just as glad to never have to see them again. 

Felicity chewed on a fingernail as she glanced around the station once more. She looked up just in time to see John walking out from a long hallway, he paused to look around, and she noticed his foot tapping nervously until his eyes settled on her. 

Felicity stretched out as she stood and they met in the middle, “They certainly took their time with you.” her voice was rough with the emotion of the past few hours.

John frowned, “Sorry about that, I'll tell you in the car, Sara's got the car pulled up out back for us.” 

The front entrance was not an option, experience told John there was likely multiple journalists and photographers loitering around outside. 

She nodded, her head somewhere else.

“Are you alright?” John asked softly, one step ahead of her. 

“I'd be better if everyone stopped asking me that.” She focused on the car waiting for them at the bottom of the steps.

“I tried to convince them to let us give our testimonies together but-”

“It's fine, John. I got through it.”

She met his eye briefly as she pulled open her door, giving him a weak smile in hopes he would drop it. 

Felicity lost track of time as they made the drive back to John's house, Sara and John whispering back and forth in the front seat, exchanging worried looks over a dead-eyed Felicity in the back seat.

They were five minutes away when Felicity had just about enough of Sara's glances at her in the rearview mirror. She turned a sharp eye back at her the next time she caught her at it, “Just spit it out.”

“We're just worried about you.”

“Tell me something I don't know,” Felicity angled her head to the side, “Like what you were going to tell me that you thought I wouldn’t like?”

“I'm not hiding anything, Felicity. I'm just trying to figure out the right time to tell you.”

“How about now, before I get any more annoyed.” Felicity grumbled.

Sara frowned, biting her tongue as she turned the car into John's neighborhood.

“Like I said earlier, Helix is worried about threats to your safety. You've been with them for four years, Felicity, you know how much you're valued as part of the team. I've been back and forth on the phone with the rest of your team all morning, and right now we are all in agreement- the number one priority right now is increasing security around you.”

Felicity’s eyes went wide with apprehension, “What does that mean?” she asked, knowing full well what it meant.

“It means upgrading your security system, tightening the inner circle, Felicity, it means- Helix is hiring 'round the clock security.”

Felicity was stone still as Sara glanced at her in the rearview mirror. 

Felicity clicked her tongue. “Hmm.” 

“Felicity?”

“Security is the number one priority, huh? That’s why the first words out of your mouth were about press.”

Felicity saw the flash of hurt in Sara's eyes, but she couldn't stop herself, she had to dig deeper. "They don't want me talking to the press because they can't make any money off of me if the public sees me as just some sad, hurt little victim."

“This isn't just about your image, Felicity.” Sara's voice was quieter, but harder. 

Felicity pressed on, ignoring Sara's words, "Around the clock security? So Helix is locking me up- god forbid something happen to their little cash cow. No, there’s no way, I’m not doing this again."

Sara bit down on her lip, and John stepped in for her, “That's enough, Felicity. You're angry and you're hurt, but you don't get to take it out on Sara."

Sara continued, fully in defense mode. "This isn't just coming from me, Felicity, this is coming from the top. You know this- it's in your contract. "

Felicity directed her gaze out the window for a moment, her eyes ablaze when she finally turned to speak again, “It's not happening. They can't lock me up like I'm friggin Rapunzel, and only take me out of my cage when they want me to sing and dance. We’ve been through this before and it didn’t work out- ”

"That's not at all what this is-"

"Then why don't I have a choice?" Felicity shouted in the small of the car.

“I don't understand you!" Sara huffed. "You use event security all the time, Felicity. Hell, you have Roy following you around half the time, anyways. But anytime someone dares to suggest private security-”

“This is not an event, Sara. This isn't a meet and greet- this is my life!” Felicity shouted again before letting silence settle in the car for a moment.

“I didn’t like it the last time we tried it, and I’d really rather not repeat that experience. I’m fine with continuing to use the Diggle's company for event security- I get why I need that. But Roy is not my bodyguard, I don’t need one and I don’t want one. I turned out just fine today and I’ll continue to be fine on my own. Just stop acting like you’re not asking a lot from me; stop acting like you're not asking me to let a gang of huge scary men in sunglasses follow me around, rearranging my life just to get coffee!”

“You know, we prefer the term ‘executive protection’.” Diggle inserted. “And he’s really not huge or scary-”

Felicity narrowed her eyes at John, “They’ve already hired somebody? This is exactly what I'm talking about, I had no say in this.”

“Felicity would you calm down,” Sara turned around in her seat, ”it’s not the end of the world. There’s random people in your house all the time, what’s one more?”

“My house ? You’re not saying someone’s going to be living with me?” Felicity laughed, the pitch of her voice bordering on hysteria, “No. That is not happening.”

“Oh for christ's sake , Felicity. You have no idea how serious this threat is. Why is your freedom so much more important to you than your safety?”

"What threat?" Felicity practically screamed, her raw voice cracking, "He's dead! I watched him jump off my balcony, Sara. I saw him in a body bag."

Sara turned around and at least had the sense to stay quiet, but the look of pity in both her and John's eyes annoyed Felicity more than their silence. 

“You know,” Felicity continued, "I keep hearing about this threat, and yet nobody wants to indulge me with any of the details.”

John and Sara exchanged glances, for maybe the thirtieth time in such a short car ride.

“I don't need this.” Felicity's voice was hard as she spoke up, tired of waiting for an answer that wouldn't come. ”After everything I've been through- I think we all know I'm just fine on my own.”

Sara's eyes went back to the road as she slowed down to turn onto John's street,

“You'll see.”

The overhead light came on as the door popped open, John almost startled out of his seat when he turned around to see Felicity roll out of the car. 

Sara stomped on the breaks as John quickly opened his door, “did she just-”

“Yup”, John sprinted around the other side of the car, but Felicity was already halfway down the street, headed for the corner.

John called after her, but she only ran faster.

“Take the car around to the other side of the block and see if you can cut her off.” John barked, taking off after her.

“Damn it, Felicity.”

Chapter Text

Present Day

March 2021

Her head was pounding, pounding like her feet on the pavement for the last three miles. Running felt good- breaths came like sandpaper down her raw throat, but her mind felt clear for the first time in a long time. 

Felicity only slowed down when she reached a block of shops she recognized. She let out a shaky breath as she collapsed on a bench outside her favorite coffee shop. The place was small and quiet- squished between a boutique and a book shop- it was her favorite place to get away. Just a little hole in the wall, a home away from home. 

Once she had caught her breath, she glanced through the storefront window and did a double take- the place was packed. The line was doubled back on itself today, it didn't look like there was a single open seat inside. 

She dropped her head into her hands, the crowd probably had little to do with their new mint chocolate chip mocha flavor, and everything to do with Felicity getting photographed coming here last week on one of her rare trips out. 

She thought for the first time that jumping out of a moving vehicle and running off by herself may not have been the best idea- but she would be damned before she let other people make decisions for her, danger or not. She had been just fine on her own, from a handful of followers to a couple million, and she wasn’t going to let one psycho fan scare her away from large crowds.

She squared her shoulders, pulling her hoodie over her head, covering her bruised neck and adjusting her sunglasses as she went inside and waited to order her black coffee and croissants to go. 

After a long wait, an employee quickly thrust a coffee mug and plated croissant into her hands before she had any time to protest. Not wanting to draw any attention to herself, she looked around for a table, feeling slightly panicked. 

Not a single table was empty, but there just so happened to be one single chair open in the back, across from a man who was wholly occupied by whatever he was writing in a notebook. 

Felicity took a deep breath, summoned a cheery look and approached him, “So I never do this, but there's nowhere else to sit. Would you mind if-” She attempted to set her dishes down as she spoke, and watched in horror as her shaking hands completely overturned the coffee mug.

“What the hell?” The man shot up out of his seat before the coffee could spill out onto his lap, but unfortunately his book was not spared. 

Her cheeks bloomed bright red as she watched him pick up his dripping notebook, bright blue eyes flicking up at her from under a Star City Rockets ball cap. His mouth was open, probably ready to curse her out, but snapped shut as his eyes squinted in recognition. 

Oh no Felicity thought, she knew that look. 

She pulled her sunglasses off, mood switching in an instant from apologetic to menacing. Her voice dropped down to a whisper, “Before you say anything, yes it is really me, I’m sorry about the coffee, I’ll sign something for you if you keep it down and don't tweet that I’m here right now.”

The man stood staring at her, his notebook still held aloft and dripping onto the table. He held her gaze for a moment before he scoffed, snatching the napkins from her plate to soak up some of the coffee.

He shook his head at her as he grumbled his frustrations under his voice. She stood frozen in anxiety over the situation, finally reaching to help him as he was almost done clearing the mess.

“Don’t bother.” He didn’t look at her as he spoke, his mouth in a tight frown even as he waved for her to sit down. “Just sit.” He said, and followed suit. 

Felicity didn’t argue, practically tripping into the chair as she took a huge bite out of her croissant, gulping down what was left of her scalding coffee in an attempt to get out of there as fast as she possibly could. The man had looked back down at his soggy notebook after inviting her to sit and hadn't once looked back up at her. 

Felicity studied the man across from her, swallowing a huge bite that didn't go down well with the guilt in the pit of her stomach.  “Hey,” she started lowly. He only briefly glanced up from where he was alternating between writing in and dabbing at his notebook with a napkin. “I'm really sorry, I just really need to get home soon and didn't want to start a stampede if someone figured out I was here.”

The man didn’t spare her a glance as the silence continued. “I really could sign something for you, if you want?” She bit her lip, searching for a way to make it right.

The man capped his pen and once again centered striking blue eyes on her, “I'm good.” He answered, his expression remaining as uninterested as it had the entire five minutes she had sat with him. They stared at each other, the moment breaking as she caught his eyes darting down to the bruises blooming across her neck. 

Felicity opened her mouth to reply but he simply got up, gathered his things, threw the wet napkins into the trash, and strode out of the coffee shop- leaving her with her mouth still open. She huffed as she glanced over the table where he was seated.

Felicity’s brow furrowed in annoyance as she got up to dispose of her trash- she was going to need something stronger to get through this day.  

Two Years Ago

February 2019

“Is it just me or are the hosts like, particularly annoying this year?” a voice echoed around a white marble bathroom.

“Oh my god, what were they thinking? Felicity Smoak ?” said a second voice.

“Right? You know she only has a following because like, her mom slutted it up with some big time execs back when she was a cocktail waitress in Vegas.” piped up a third voice. 

“I believe it. I’ve watched some of her videos before and she takes herself so seriously. She thinks she’s so funny, but really it’s just like, please shut up and give me the last five minutes of my life back.”

“Give me back this whole night if they’re going to keep having her present the categories.”

“Ugh, with that shrill voice? I hear that’s what happens when you stick your fingers down your throat one too many times.”

A chorus of laughter followed. 

“Anyways, don’t you know her, Alena?”

The third voice spoke up again, “Uh, yeah, sorta. We’re managed by the same company so we did that sponsored trip for Fashion Bird together, Evelyn went too. We mostly just hung around her to get some good pics for instagram. She’s got soo many followers.”

“Ew, you had to spend a whole week with her?”

More giggles.

“Oh, trust me, it was awful. But I mean, I got a collab and a ton of free stuff out of that trip, so it was worth it. People think we’re friends now so they follow me. Let’s get out of backstage before we run into her and I have to pretend to be friends again.“

“Did you get to meet her boyfriend? Oh my god he’s so hot, too bad he’s with that freak.” The three voices murmured in agreement. 

Alena’s voice piped up once more, echoing across the bathroom as the trio made their way to the door, “Too bad nothing. I got to do more than just meet him, if you know what I mean.”

The bathroom door swung shut, leaving the echoes of their shrill laughter ringing behind them.

Felicity exited the stall she had quietly occupied. She felt the cold stab of betrayal in her gut, and she never wanted to feel it again. She looked in the mirror, there were no tears, no surprise- nothing on her face to betray what she had just heard from what she considered to be the last of her good friends. It was time to stop giving away trust to people who hadn’t earned it. She washed her hands and exited the bathroom. Ray, her bodyguard, began trailing behind her- as if nothing had happened.

Present Day

March 2021

It was a long walk back without a surge of adrenaline rushing through her veins. Idiot. She thought. You’re an idiot. Looking over her shoulder every five seconds, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t alone. 

Her feet were numb from the impromptu marathon, but judging by the wetness she felt in her socks, she knew she had split open the cuts on her feet. Her shoulder throbbed from where she had landed after jumping out of the car. Shaking hands automatically reached into her pocket for the fifth time before remembering she had left her phone in the car. 

She stopped at the corner gas station to collect her nerves in the beverage aisle. The selection wasn’t great, but she knew it would calm her shaking hands that had only been made worse by the caffeine. She was debating between going home, or back to John's house when her own face on the cover of a trashy gossip magazine had her frozen in place.

She was front and center on the cover- the picture had clearly been taken the night before the attack. They had been walking to the car, one of her friends had insisted on meeting up to pregame at some fancy restaurant downtown. She remembered the laughter as Roy insisted on being piggybacked all the way back to the car. She lingered on her expression in the photo, almost in disbelief that she could look almost- well, happy. 

She was usually pretty good at spotting paps, she had successfully dodged them for some time, but she had no idea she was being photographed that night. She glanced over the caption, rolling her eyes at the implication that Roy and her were dating. Roy. She missed him already, would he ever come back?

She looked back up at the pictures, finally reading a headline that sent a stab of fear through her chest. 

“Newest Celebrity Victim in Shocking Crime Spree- anonymous group claims responsibility”

Newest victim? Anonymous group? All of Sara and John’s worried glances flashed through her head. They knew, they must have known- this wasn’t a random attack. 

“Are you going to pay for that?” The gas station attendant's voice brought her back to reality. Her arm was going numb from the heavy glass bottle she carried in the crook of her elbow. She glanced at the magazine, and then back to the attendant, thankful her oversized sunglasses still rested on her face. 

“Fuck,” her voice came out gritty and she coughed to clear it, “sorry.”

She threw a handful of cash down on the counter as the attendant placed the bottle in a brown paper bag. As soon as it was handed back to her, she ran out the door, ripping the bag open to take a large swallow of something that could have stripped paint. She winced as it went down, her throat still raw from the attack.

But nothing would be enough to drown out the burning sensation of a thousand eyes watching her, or the sound of footsteps that had her jumping as she rounded every corner. She debated walking back to Diggles; she knew her place was much closer but it was also the last place she wanted to be right now. Her heart raced with every car that drove by. By the time she found herself at the front of her gated community, she was nearly crawling out of her skin. 

---

Two Years Ago

February 2019

“What is this?” Cooper slammed his phone down on the kitchen island between them.

“An email.” Felicity replied in the dryest tone she could muster up, not even bothering to look up from her screen.

“You can’t break up with me through an email from your assistant.” 

Felicity was taking matters into her own hands now, no more easy trust and naive hope. She was looking into everyone who worked for her and letting go of the dead weight.

“I’m not breaking up with you-” Felicity shook her head at him, “I’m negotiating the conclusion of what was a mutually beneficial working relationship.” She stood up from her seat at the island, “Because that’s what this was, right? It’s not like we were ever really together.”

He pointed his finger at her angrily, “This is more than that and you know it, Felicity.”

“Do I?” She cocked her head in mock confusion.

“You can’t do this. You have no idea what I’ve done for you- what I could do to you.”

Her anger finally started to show, “Oh, I have some ideas.” 

Ray stepped in as Cooper took a threatening step towards Felicity, “That’s enough.” Ray said tensely.

Cooper looked ready to shove the bodyguard out of the way when Felicity spoke up again, 

“Oh, that’s right, Mr. Palmer. Since the two of you are such good friends, you can see yourself out as well.”

“What?” Ray spluttered.

“You think I don’t know what you two have been playing at behind my back?” Cooper sucked in a breath, and Felicity swiveled her head towards him. “And I’m not just talking about the cheating.” 

Ray and Cooper exchanged a look.

“Look, Felicity-” Cooper started.

“Don’t try to pacify me, Cooper Seldon. You two have been paying people off and lying right to my face about it. You said the producers reached out to you on their own about the hosting gig. I thought you believed in me? You think that I can’t get these opportunities on my own?”

“Baby,” Cooper reached out for her and she flinched out of his reach, “Of course I believe in you. I did this for you. You’ve just worked so hard, I just thought- I thought it would be easier this way.”

Felicity scoffed at that, turning to face Roy as he shuffled his feet, “And you- helping him out with your companies funds? What the hell do you get out of it?”

Ray clenched his jaw, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Felicity thrust a finger at him, “I trusted you and the men in your company to keep me safe.”

“Safe from what, Felicity?” Ray burst out, “You’d be a nobody without the connections that Cooper and I have made for you.”

“For me? You really think I believe that you did all of that for me? Your company is nothing without me.”

“Exactly Felicity- the better you look, the more good press Cooper gets, the more work comes in for my company.”

Felicity crossed her arms, shaking her head as she wandered further into her kitchen, away from the two men, “You two are a real pair. A couple of greedy bastards.” She came to a stop, facing away from them. “Get out of my house.”

Cooper laughed, “This isn’t over Felicity, you say a single word about what we did and you’ll look just as bad as we do. Just think what people will say, how they’ll question every opportunity you get.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Felicity sees Ray elbowing Cooper to shut up.

“Felicity, come on-” Ray takes a few steps towards her, “This is a good thing we’ve got going here, I mean, why change a system that works?

Felicity reached the kitchen door, turning around to face them, “It's not working for me. I don't care if you threaten me, I don’t care if my career takes a hit- I earned my way to where I am now, and I’m not going to start paying my way to the top. However- for now, I’ve taken a page out of your book and paid off your men to escort you both out of here.”

With that, Felicity turned and stepped out of the kitchen, letting the men who had been waiting in the next room enter.

She smiled at the sounds of the scuffle coming from the kitchen and kept on walking.

She was in control now, she was on top of the world.

Present Day

March 2021

The look on Roy's face shook Felicity to her core. Relief mixed with anger as he pulled her into a hug strong enough to hurt. "Don't you ever do that again. Don't you ever." He pulled back to look at her, "Do you have any idea what you just put John and Sara through? They called me , Felicity, do you know how desperate they have to be right now?"

Felicity could only shake against him in reply. 

"There are police out searching for you. John’s been driving around, he went to three different hospitals. I had to explain to Sara why we couldn't put an AMBER alert out for you. Why did you run, Felicity?"

“I just can't take the look in their eyes anymore, Roy.” She whispered against his chest.

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone. Everyone just looks at me and treats me like I'm fragile. Like I'm this poor, broken person; and they've been looking at me like that all year. You didn’t used to look at me like that, Roy. You never used to until- "

Felicity felt him shake his head as he continued to hold on to her.

"We don’t have to do this now."

She swallowed the lump in her throat, finally looking up at him. "Please come back."

"Felicity," Roy started hesitantly, "Have you been drinking?" 

Her face crumpled, tears flooded her eyes that she refused to let fall. 

"Please don't look at me like them."

He held onto her but she could tell he was pulling away.

“Just take me home, please.” she said, her voice coming out as small as she felt. 

Roy opened his car door for her and she climbed in. She watched through the tinted windows as he talked to the gate security attendant, probably thanking him for calling Roy and not the police. She bit her lip hard as she watched Roy pass the man some money- probably to keep him quiet, that was just how things worked.  

They were silent almost the whole way back to John's house.

"It's not your fault, you know." Felicity finally said. “If you’re blaming yourself.”

"Maybe." He sighed "But John's right, I should have been there."

"I told you to go."

Roy shook his head, focusing on the road ahead. "I shouldn't have listened to you."

---

Felicity spent a long night staring up at the ceiling of John Diggle’s guest room. 

Roy had left the moment he got her inside, and she really couldn’t blame him. She was safe, sober, tucked into bed and finally in some of her own clothes; but she couldn’t shake that same feeling crawling up her spine that she had felt today. That feeling of being vulnerable, of being watched. The longer she thought about it, the more she felt like an idiot- it’s not like there was much in the way of lowlife walking around between the colossal mansions, upscale spas, and tennis courts that made up the neighborhood of Hidden Hills. Her neighborhood was safe- at least that’s what she thought until she had awoken to the shadow of a man she didn’t know hovering over her, weapon in hand. She tried to reassure herself with the knowledge that that man was gone now, but all that line of thought did was conjure up images she never wanted to see again. 

She reached for her phone that she had found on the floor of Diggles car, tempted to fall down the rabbit hole of googling her name. She paused with her finger over the search bar, already knowing what she would see when she put her name in. The tabloids thought she was clinging to life in a hospital- what a perfectly dramatic cap to a perfectly miserable year. Her tragedy was making someone out there big bucks, there was probably already some top twelve list of her shittiest moments of the year.  But Felicity’s feet hurt, and she didn't feel like taking that stroll down memory lane. Besides, if they thought she was dying, how much of the truth did they really have? They did know her attack was somehow connected to others- which is more than she knew herself. 

Her need to scratch the itching feeling crawling up her spine eventually lost out to a blinding headache. She switched her phone off and threw it on the nightstand, getting up in search of pain relief. 

A single light was still on in the kitchen, casting a shadow across her friend leaning against the counter. 

“What are you still doing here?”

Sara looked up from her mug of coffee, an unamused smile plastered across her face “Hey Sara, how ya doing Sara, I’m sorry I jumped out of a moving vehicle that you were driving, Sara.”

“I don’t see why you’re mad, should be good publicity, right?”

Sara shook her head, “To answer your question, I’m here to babysit you. John and I are taking turns- ”

“I already told you that I don’t need to be babysat, I walked around for hours today and nobody tried to kill me.”

Sara scoffed at that. “Roy told me that your breath could peel paint when he picked you up- you do need a babysitter. You’re reckless.”

“Roy exaggerates.”

Sara shot Felicity a disbelieving look in reply. 

“And no offense, but what’s a communications major going to do when a guy built like a fridge comes busting in here?”

“I say this with all the love in my heart, Felicity, but you’re a real bitch sometimes.”

Felicity recoiled like she had been slapped, taking a step back as surprise and hurt flashed across her face.

“Did you even know that I’m a Sifu in Wing Chun?” Sara pushed on.

“Barring the fact that I have no idea what that means, how would I have possibly known that?” Felicity retorted.

“Maybe because I’ve been inviting you to tournaments all year. We literally met in a gym, Felicity. Did you know I drove around looking for you today while John searched the hospitals? I was just praying we would at least find you half dead somewhere, because at least that would mean you were still alive.”

Felicity bit her lip as Sara looked at her expectantly. 

“And hasn’t it occurred to you that Helix should be breathing down your neck about when you’re going to start working again? I’ve been covering for you for a year, Felicity.”

Felicity looked down at the ground, mumbling, “Nobody asked you to do that.”

“You’re absolutely right, you would never ask me to do that because you never ask for help.” Sara’s voice was tight with anger, “Look, I get it, you’ve been through hell, you’re allowed to fall apart a little bit. But while you’re doing that, the rest of us have been trying to pick up the pieces and all you can do is push us away. You push and you push, Felicity. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it’s been over a year of us piecing you back together, and you pushing us away, and there’s hardly anyone left. Look around you! You’re beyond falling apart, you’re self destructing and you’re sucking other people into the implosion with you.”

Felicity could only blink at Sara as her voice got louder.

“Did you even realize there were other people in your house when the attack happened? There were over a dozen people that were put in harm's way because you ignored everything we tried to tell you about security at the house and decided that you just didn’t care. Those are a dozen people that had to give a testimony, a dozen people who probably can’t sleep tonight because of what they saw happen in your courtyard. John could have been killed! Your life isn’t just happening to you, Felicity.”

Felicity finally found her voice, “You know what, Sara, I really don’t need this right now at this ungodly time of night, I already have a headache-”

Sara slapped a palm down on the counter top as Felicity turned to leave the kitchen, “God, you try to run away from everything, Felicity! You literally ran away today, which, I have to mention, makes my job incredibly difficult. I worked hard to make sure that the public thinks you’re recovering in the hospital. I burned bridges, I used up favors in order to give you the space you need to recover. You can’t just go traipsing up and down the street because you just don’t care anymore. Thank god you look like shit or someone could have recognized you-”

“That’s enough.” They both jumped in surprise as Lyla entered the kitchen.

“You’re both tired, it’s been a long day. This conversation doesn’t need to be happening right now. Go to bed.”

Sara took a long and hard look at Felicity before walking briskly out of the kitchen.

Felicity stared at her feet.

“Is she right, Lyla?”

Lyla turned from watching Sara walk away, letting some silence stretch on as she studied Felicity in the dim light of the kitchen.  “She’s right and she’s wrong.”

Felicity tilted her head, encouraging Lyla to continue. 

“You’ve always cared, it’s just that these days you’ve got a vested interest in making people think that you don’t.”

She opened her mouth to protest, the words dying on her lips as Lyla gave her a long, hard look. Felicity’s gaze fell to the floor.

“Felicity,” Lyla started, her tone indicating that she wanted more of her attention than she was currently giving to the floor,  “You single-handedly helped John and I build up our company. You were there for both of us when we didn't know if Argus was going to make it. You got Sara the job at Helix, and you gave Roy a job when he was virtually unemployable after rehab. You-” 

“Lyla,”

“No, let me finish. You’re the one who's always doing incredible things for the people in your life, and it’s killing you for me to even acknowledge it for a moment. You’re always there for everyone in your life, Felicity, and I think it’s more than fair that we get to return the favor and help you now. Stop trying to do this on your own.”

Felicity could only look up at her briefly before looking back down at the floor.

“Now.” Lyla shifted, “Is John okay? Are you okay? I took the first flight I could get.”

---

“It’s time for me to go home.”

Three heads shot up to look at her over paperwork that was strewn across the coffee table.

“What? Felicity, this is something that really needs to be given some thought. It’s only been a few days.” John started. 

“I have thought about it.”

John looked up at her in a way that made Felicity cross her arms a little bit tighter. His face was still swollen. He looked across the table to Lyla and Sara, searching for some support from the two as Felicity continued.

“Sara, I’ve done a lot of thinking about what you said. I think it’s time for all of you to stop having to take care of me. I haven’t been working and I’ve had way too much free time to fall apart. I need to get busy.”

John looked at Sara accusingly.

“Well, that’s really not the point I was trying to make-” Sara held out her hands defensively,

“I’ve decided to let Helix assign me a bodyguard. I want to get back to work, and if I want to do that, I need to stick to the contract I signed with Helix. Besides, I know how busy you all are and I can’t ask that one of you be around for me all the time.” 

John’s gaze focused on her once again, with even more confusion and a dash of suspicion in his eyes. Lyla spoke up first, “That’s great, Felicity!” One gentle hand placed over Johns.  

“I read about the other attacks. I would ask what exactly that’s about, but I can’t seem to get a straight answer out of anyone these days.” She cast accusing looks at John and Sara. “I’m figuring that it shouldn’t take long for Helix to determine that there’s no threat to my life anymore. I shouldn’t need anyone around for much more than a week. Then, things can start getting back to normal.” Felicity finished with a smile of satisfaction.

John was narrowing his eyes at her, ready to chime in when Lyla elbowed him in the ribs.

“There’s so much to do, I guess I can let the press know that I’m not actually breathing my last in a hospital now!” Felicity paced as she outlined her plans. “We’ll do a statement and then maybe a round of talk shows, we’ll figure something out, right Sara? Oh! Which reminds me, I called one of the detectives and he said my house should be clear by the end of the week. He gave me the number of some people to come and clean the house because of-”

Felicity stuttered, the facade of her suddenly determined demeanor cracking. Three faces looked up at her, full of pity. She tried again, “Because of-”

“You didn’t have to do that Felicity, I could have made those calls for you.” Sara said soothingly.

She knew that Sara was trying to reach out, but she drew away, “Yeah, well, gotta keep busy! Anyway, I’ve got a big week and I need to plan and pack.”

“Felicity,” John started hesitantly, “I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Lyla and I were actually discussing whether it was a good idea to return to that house at all.”

“What?” Felicity sputtered, “What do you mean?

John continued despite Lyla’s best efforts, “We think that maybe we could find you something a bit more secure-”

“Are you kidding me? I barely just moved in,” She shook her head incredulously, “You can’t ask me to pack up and move, again, and for the same exact reasons. You’re already asking me to have some guy I don’t even know follow me around all the time, I’m not about to change my entire life because of this.”

“We don’t have to talk about it now.” Lyla interjected, “It seems like you have plans to move forward, Felicity, and I think that’s the best thing to do right now, as long as you let us help you.” Lyla finished with a pointed look at John. A moment passed between the two.

“Okay, Felicity, we’ll be right there with you in whatever you decide to do.” John smiled forcefully  up at her. “And I know we’ll all feel a lot better knowing there’s someone there to keep you safe.”

Felicity quirked an eyebrow at his sudden agreeableness, “O-kay.”

“Although we would feel even better knowing that your gate code isn’t just 1234.”

Felicity rolled her eyes as she exited the room.

Well that certainly wasn’t the reaction she was hoping for- she had thought they would be happy to see her get back to work. She shook it off, heading back to her bedroom to gather up the few things that John had managed to bring over from her house. Despite the tense conversations of the past few days, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of fondness thinking about the unspoken communication she had observed between John and Lyla. As grateful as she was for them, she was looking forward to getting back to her own space.

She had been busying herself for a few minutes when a soft knock on her open door caused her to jump.

Her hand went to her chest, catching her breath when she saw Sara. 

“Were you smiling?”

Felicity shrugged, “I finally have something to do.”

They looked at each other for a moment before Felicity turned away from Sara, she couldn’t do this with her, not yet.  

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sara questioned softly. 

Felicity’s eyes went wide, and it took a moment to realize she was talking about going back to her house. “I’m sure that I don’t like living out of a suitcase when I don’t have to.”

Sara came to stand by Felicity at her bed, picking up a few items of clothing and beginning to fold them.

“I meant the press thing.” She looked at Felicity from the corner of her eye as she continued to fold. “It’s just- it feels a bit fast. You haven’t really had time to- recover.”

“It’s been three days. Anyone else would have been out in front of this thing already.”

“Your story isn’t going anywhere, Felicity. People are going to be just as interested in what you have to say a few weeks from now when you’ve taken the time to get your head screwed on right. Right now, we have the time, and I think you should take it.”

Felicity snorted, “I think we both know it’s going to take more than just a few weeks, if and when I ever decide to do something about my head.”

Sara put down the shirt she had been folding. “I just need you to be sure. If you start all of this now, it’s not going to stop. There’s not going to be any more time to recover, let alone time to catch a breath.” She reached out to rest a hand on top of Felicity’s, where she had also paused in her task, “Don’t do this because you think it’s what you’re supposed to do. You don’t know when to give yourself a break sometimes- take a week, a few days even.”

Felicity turned her hand over to give Sara’s a squeeze, and then continued where she had left off folding. “I’m doing this, and not because it’s what I’m supposed to do, but because it’s what I need right now. I’ve already had too much time to breathe, and look where it’s gotten me.”

So many sentences started and died on Sara’s tongue. She wanted to ask Felicity if she really had been breathing in her long months away, or if she had been suffocating herself. She wanted to tell Felicity that she was her friend and that she was going to have her back this time. She wanted to apologize for their screaming match in the kitchen. She wanted to ask if she was remembering being attacked every time she caught her flinching. But she didn’t know how to say anything to Felicity anymore without being shut out. 

But there were just some things they didn't talk about. She couldn't remember when the unspoken rules had been set into place, but she knew that Felicity would expect her to push past it and move on. Let it slide. 

So she swallowed down all the words and the questions running through her head, and did the only thing she could do to help. “Yeah. We can sit down and plan some appearances in the few days it’ll take to get your house clear.”

Sara smiled a tight smile at her friend, "But, Felicity, There’s someone we’re going to have to see first.”

Chapter Text

March 2021

Felicity fidgeted with a stubborn curl that had poked its way out of her slick bun. It was almost a refreshing change of pace- she hadn't been made to wait for anyone in a long time, but Amanda Waller seemed to be the exception. 

Felicity’s hands fell into her lap as the woman in question finally breezed through the door of her office. 

“I apologize, Felicity. I was told that you've been waiting. I wasn’t aware we had a meeting.” she smoothed a hand over her smart pencil skirt as she sat down behind her desk. “Is Ms. Lance with you?”

“We don’t, and no, she’s not.” Felicity smiled politely, shifting forward in her chair. “I wanted to speak to you myself.”

"Well, you know my door is always open to you." Waller answered just as politely. 

“Look, you have a company to run. I know you’re a busy woman, so I’ll get straight to the point."

“That’s what I like about you, Felicity.” She smiled back dryly as she looked up from where she was shuffling papers around on her desk. 

“I'd like to be more involved in the decisions that are being made by my management team.”

Waller cocked her head to the side, “I’m sure they would be more than happy to CC you in any emails and invite you to any meetings that are happening, but I think we have all been operating under the assumption that you had taken a step back for the time being.”

Felicity swallowed, “That’s going to change.”

Waller blinked at her, and Felicity watched as the normally quite stilted woman attempted to cover her surprise with another polite smile, “Which decisions have you been unhappy with?”

"Well, for one, Sara tells me that she was told she can’t book me for TV."

Waller shook her head, “I’m not sure how much of it you have seen, but the media surrounding your story is an absolute circus, Felicity. We can’t control the narrative as it is right now.”

“I’d like to try.” Felicity said hopefully, “I want to use this as an opportunity to get back to work- to get things back to how they were.”

Waller sat back in her chair, “Well, I do like the sound of that, what are you thinking?”

“I could have Sara get Susan Williams to drop a guest and have me on her show as soon as this week.”

She took her eyes off Felicity and shook her head slightly, “I’m afraid that I cannot change my mind about a TV appearance, Felicity.”

“But Sara is-”

“Ms. Lance is very good at her job, and I’m sure she agrees with me on this or she would have accompanied you today.” Waller's words were concise and to the point, and Felicity couldn’t help but curse herself internally- she didn’t know why she thought this would go any differently. No matter how well researched and thought out she came to Waller, the woman never failed to make her feel like an obstinate child. 

“I’ve been in this game for a long time, there are years of experience and a team of experts backing up what I am trying to tell you, Felicity. Not all press is good press, you need to be taking small, carefully planned steps right now- if you truly are determined to make an appearance.”

“The media is on my side with this one.” Felicity insisted. “I need to do this.” I can’t keep hiding she wanted to say, biting her tongue to bridle some of her desperation. 

“The media is not your friend, it is a tool. One that I’m afraid cannot be used in our favor at this time.”

Felicity shook her head, reaching for the right words to respectfully disagree.

Waller took a breath, bringing her hands together on top of her desk, “Sara tells me that you’re staying with the Diggle’s. Is that because of the crowd of reporters in front of your house?” 

Felicity faltered, John had been by a few times to get her things and had never once mentioned it to her. She quickly collected herself, but not before Waller had read the surprise on her face.

“Trust me, Felicity, you’re getting enough TV exposure without having to make an appearance. Now, our legal team has served each of your guests from that night with an NDA, so we don’t have to worry about any of them speaking to the press. However, that little stunt you pulled the other day didn’t make any of our jobs any easier- we just can’t be sure how many people saw you.” Felicity could only stare back at Waller in shock, she couldn’t imagine who would have told her about that- but the woman seemed to have eyes everywhere. Felicity’s surprise only seemed to make the woman's tone more smug as she continued. “The press is in a frenzy for any bit of information they can get about you right now, and they’re going to weasel it out of someone eventually. It would be my preference that you wait until this all dies down, but I can see that you are determined. If they’re going to get information out of anyone, it might as well be you. Have Sara work with PR to send me a plan for a small statement or non-television appearance and I will clear it personally.”

Felicity bit her lip, hard, and nodded reluctantly, "Okay. I'd also like to talk to you about this security situation.”

“I’m afraid that is one area where I cannot negotiate with you, Felicity.”

Felicity’s hands gripped at the arm of her chair, hating that this conversation had gone so far off track from how she had planned it in her mind. “It’s unnecessary.”  

“Do you know how many clients I manage here at Helix, Felicity?”

Felicity found herself taken aback once again, frowning at her irrelevant question.

“None of them.” Waller answered for her, smiling tightly as she rose from her desk.

“That’s what our many talented staff are for. As CEO, I could know absolutely nothing about any of our clients and still execute my job quite efficiently.” She walked around to lean on the side of her desk, closer to Felicity. 

“But- you have helped make a very good name for Helix, Felicity, you’ve brought us many valuable assets. You insisted we take on Sara when she had zero experience, you brought me Argus event security when no one had even heard of them. Only a few years ago I could count the number of accounts we managed on one hand. I want you to know that I’m not just handing down decisions I was not involved in. I keep myself apprised to your account specifically, and I have many good reasons to want to ensure your safety.”

“I’m grateful for that, Amanda,” Felicity sounded anything but that as she crossed her legs, “but isn’t there a less invasive way to keep me safe than hiring a round-the-clock babysitter?”

“Things have changed for you significantly in the past few years. I understand why you did not like your security arrangement a few years ago- but that was back before the movies, before the tv show, before you were influencer of the year. It is explicitly written into your contract that you be accompanied by executive protection as the company sees fit.  We hire out security services for many of our clients, Felicity, and most of them have not been attacked in their own home.”

Felicity stared hard at the floor, she should have known things would go like this. She knew that somewhere deep down she was supposed to feel grateful towards her, but Amanda Waller had a nasty habit of hijacking her plans. 

“I personally worked alongside the Diggle's to hire the very best for you. He’s protected people of great importance, and it took a lot of convincing to get him to come out here for you. You can’t shake him off the way you have done others in the past. Please, give it a chance- and please, no more running around town.”

Felicity gripped the edge of the chair again as Waller gave her a pointed look- once again feeling like a child being scolded.

“Ms. Lance is indeed very good at her job, but you’ll only help her out by giving her fewer stories to bury. I expect that the two of you will both be able to present a performance that is in keeping with the reputation you once held. And I trust that you will remember your media training, this time?"

Felicity bit her tongue, swallowing down the bitterness that rose in her throat as she nodded silently. Waller approved with a smile. 

“You'll work with our security contact to make this ship run a bit smoother. I’ve already forwarded all the details to Sara, you’ll let me know how you get on." Waller said with an air of finality, walking back around her desk to sit in her chair. "Well I guess that's that, then?" 

"Yes." Felicity replied, staring ahead blankly. "I suppose it is."

---

Present Day

April 2021

Felicity sat on the bottom step of the stairs while everything swirled around her. 

Her house was alive with activity, a cleaning crew scurried in the background as various members of her team ran back and forth through the foyer with garment bags and equipment. She knew that John had personally screened each and every person that came through the gate today, but she couldn’t help the instinct that told her to look each of them in the eye.

Sara approached with two people Felicity vaguely recognized in tow, “Hey, I thought we’d set up in your room.” 

“Set up?” She repeated, only half listening.

“Yes, you know Karen and Ted.” Sara gestured at them, “Makeup, hair.”

“Yeah, um.” Felicity watched a group of men carry a bundle of black bags out the front door, trying not to think about what was inside. “Right here is fine.”

Sara looked at the two and they nodded, beginning to open up their kit on the steps of the stairs. 

“Alright,” Sara began, “So, this was all pretty last minute but Popcast agreed to letting us moderate questions beforehand. It’s not how they usually do things, it’s kind of a more go-with-the-flow conversational setup, but they assured me they would be sticking to the kinds of questions we outlined. I talked to the hosts personally, they’re super chill, I think this is a great first step for us.” Sara looked up from her notes to smile at Felicity, whose mind was still clearly far away as she zoned out with her head perched in her hands. 

“Hey.” Sara said gently. Felicity angled her head to look up at her. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Felicity's eyes darted to the two workers before looking back up at Sara. “Yeah!” she perked up unconvincingly, “Gotta maintain the image, right? Can’t fade into obscurity having everyone thinking that I’m dead.” She settled her head back into her hands as the makeup artist prodded at her with various makeup brushes. 

Sara shook her head, “Remember what I said? We have time, Felicity.”

“We already had this conversation.” Felicity reminded in a tired voice. 

Sara took a moment to look at her, pushing down the speech that was forming at the tip of her lips before she sighed in resignation, “Okay, well, I’ve got a copy of the questions here. I’ll leave them in the car for you. I’m going to be taking a separate car because of the new security-"

"Remind me why I'm going on a podcast again?"

"Because more people are streaming these days than watching actual TV- oh and because it was literally the only loophole we could find to get Waller to approve of a video appearance."

"What about the Susan Williams thing? Why aren't we jumping on that?"

"I’m actually glad we didn’t go that route, Susan Williams is a joke, you would never be taken seriously for going on that show.”

"That’s certainly not what you seemed to think when we first talked about it.”

“Amanda Waller can be pretty good at getting people to change their minds.” Sara intoned as she tapped busily at her phone.

Felicity raised her eyebrows in agreement.

Sara stopped for a moment to look down at her.

“Felicity?”

“Hmm?” Felicity looked up at Sara, wincing as her hair was tugged from the curling iron in the hairdressers hands. 

“Don’t forget that he starts today.”

“I was trying to block it out, but thanks for reminding me.”

Sara snorted before turning around and heading down the hallway past the foyer. 

She zoned out after that- the longer she stared down the hallway the more the memory came back. Felicity remembered herself following Roy closely down that same hallway, screaming in his face. She breathed deeply to keep the emotions at bay. 

Last month, 

March 2021

"It sounds awesome, but, Felicity-"

"Roy don't you dare-" Felicity pointed a threatening finger at him from across the kitchen.

"The restaurant was fine, what's wrong with partying with the group we already have here?" He reasoned, "I just don't think that inviting a bunch more people over is the best idea right now, with everything going on."

"Oh my gooood.” She drawled out, putting the cool glass in her hand to her forehead, “You know who you sound like, right?"

Roy sighed, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably, "I think I might actually be starting to see where John is coming from, Felicity."

Felicity spluttered out a laugh around her drink, "Nice one! You know I'd truly love to see the day you and John Diggle actually agree on something."

Roy was unamused, leaning further into the counter behind him as he crossed his arms. 

"Wait, you're serious?" Her tone changed as she took another look at him. "It’s just a housewarming party, Roy. You're not going to stay?

"We both know it's not going to be just anything, Felicity.” He pushed off the counter to meet her where she stood in the middle of the kitchen- the action was clearly meant to be an angry one, but as he got closer she could see that he just looked sad. “And no, I'm not staying- because I quit."

Felicity dropped the drink in her hand, alcohol pouring out onto the floor, silence stretched on as the cup rolled to a stop under the cabinets somewhere.

"Are you really doing this right now? Where is this coming from?" All traces of annoyance were gone from her voice, she drew into herself, giving him that dead eyed stare he was so used to seeing lately. 

“If you’d been listening to me at all for the past few months, you would know.”

“So this is because you’re not getting your way.” Her voice was flat.

Roy had to turn away from her to suppress his frustration. 

"Felicity, this is not about your goddamn housewarming party. This is about how-" he clenched his jaw to keep himself from going there.

"No, go ahead, Roy! I'd like to hear it for once. You don't have to tiptoe around me like everybody else."

"This isn't about you wanting a bunch of people over, Felicity. I'm not an idiot- it's what you're hoping they'll bring with them." Roy paced in front of her, coming to a stop when he had chosen his words. "You're circling the drain." 

The dam of frustration he'd held back broke as his voice shook with emotion. "I can see you starting to get to the bottom, and trust me- I know what that looks like. I can't go down with you, Felicity. You're like a sister to me, I'll always look out for you; but-"

"But what? Are you not having fun anymore?"

"I've got no one to look out for me anymore!” He shouted into the space between them, “I'll always look out for you Felicity, but I don't have anyone to do the same for me."

The look he gave her chipped away at a piece of her heart. She opened her mouth to tell him that she was still looking out- but she knew she couldn't lie to him, and the truth only poisoned her heart with bitterness. 

"Oh, please, you've been getting blitzed right by my side for months." It wasn't what she had intended to say, but now that she had tapped into her anger, it coursed through her. 

The disappointment that dimmed his eyes tore her open.

“Maybe that’s what you’ve been telling yourself to justify this- but I made you a promise. I got clean, and I have been for over a year and a half now. I’m too busy to fall off the wagon, Felicity. I’m too busy trying to get you through weekends that you don't even remember. If you haven't noticed that, well, maybe that's some more shit for you to think about."

"Get the fuck out." Her voice trembled as real emotion seeped in. She raised a hand to point to the door. 

"Felicity-"

"No, get out.” She was yelling now.  “I'm not your fucking friend.” She followed him down the hallway as he turned to leave, “I'm not your fucking sister. You're on my payroll, you do what I say, and right now I want you to get the hell out of my house."

He did, and she slammed the door behind him. The tears finally spilled down her face when she found herself all alone.

She couldn't be alone- not right now. So she picked up her phone, and invited over everyone that she knew. 

Present Day

April 2021

Her make up artist had stepped back to admire her work as Felicity continued to zone out. She applied some finishing touches of powder, which snapped Felicity out of her reverie long enough to offer an absentminded smile and thank you as the man and woman, names already forgotten, closed up their kits lying next to her on the step. She used to know their names, she used to be friends with the people she worked with- but those people had all moved on now. 

She saw John sidle up to her in the corner of her vision, but he remained a blur as she continued sizing up any and everyone who happened to cross her line of vision. Workers and acquaintances and friends spun around fast enough to give her motion sickness. 

“Felicity,” John started, causing her to finally turn her head to look up at him. As she did, someone she had not noticed before came into her peripheral, and he was walking straight towards her. 

Felicity jumped up from her seat on the stairs, hitting her head on the banister above her.

“Shhhit.” Felicity sighed as she rubbed her head. A large hand reached down to help her up and she flinched away from it. 

She tilted her head back to take in the owner of the hand, a man who stood a head above the already-tall John. 

She stilled, finding herself squinting up into familiar bright blue eyes. 

“Felicity, this is-”

“Oh you have got to be kidding me.” Felicity said, looking back down at the hand as if it was the root of her nausea.

“You two know each other?” John looked between the two, perplexed. 

“The better question is, how do you two know each other?”  Felicity glared at both of them accusingly as she got up on her own, making sure to avoid the bannister. “You're the guy from the coffee shop.”

He reached out his hand again, expecting a handshake, “Miss Smoak, I-”

“Were you following me?” She interrupted, making no move to take his hand. 

He let out a puff of air, finally retracting his hand. “I was gathering background on a potential client.” Felicity sized him up as he clasped his hands behind his back, left foot widening his stance involuntarily into an at-ease position. His suit and tie was a far cry from the henley and baseball cap she had met him in. He turned to John with the familiarity of an old friend, “She spilled coffee on me.” 

“I didn’t get any on you.” She quickly corrected. 

He turned to her again, “I wanted to know what security protocols were in place, how easily I could get close to you. Considering I had zero intention of making contact with you, and still managed to, I would say you’re painting a nice big target on your back.”

Felicity blinked at him before turning to John. “This is the guy?” 

She glanced his way once more before stepping down from the stairs she had been seated on. “Yeah, I'm not working with this guy.” 

John quickly followed her as she headed for the door and the car waiting for her beyond it, “Felicity, you said you would give it a chance. Besides, you don't have much of a choice. You know that Amanda Waller’s word is law, and besides, he really is the best.”

She glanced behind them to see the man in question trailing at a short distance down her front steps. 

“How do you know him?”

“I toured with him.”

Felicity frowned at that, not recalling his face from the lineup of muscle that worked for John and Lyla’s event security company, “He works for Argus?” 

John laughed at that, “Not that kind of tour, Felicity.”

Felicity’s shoulders dropped, thinking of John’s brief recounting of his time in Afghanistan. She wondered if they had both been through the kinds of horrors he had described.

“Well, when he’s not being rude, is he any good?”

“Yes- and Felicity,” John put a hand on her arm, managing to capture her genuine attention for a moment, “There’s not a lot of people I would trust with your safety, but he’s one of them. He’s going to keep you safe. Try not to bite his head off.”

She narrowed her eyes at the man in question as he came closer, "I'm looking forward to working with you, Miss Smoak."

"We'll see." She muttered, climbing into the car. 

---

The world continued to spin outside the tinted windshields as the car sped Felicity towards downtown. Felicity held her head to the window, the coolness of it grounding her even as the world continued to spin on. 

“Miss Smoak.”

How could it keep spinning? It just kept going and going and people kept moving even when her entire world had stopped. 

“Miss Smoak.”

“Please stop talking.” Felicity groaned out, head still against the glass. 

“All I said was your name.” she wasn't looking but she could hear the amused smile behind his voice. 

"My name is Felicity." Her head continued to jostle against the window, “And where’s Sara?”

“In front of us.” Felicity glanced up to see another black SUV down the road in front of them. “From now on you and I will be taking separate transportation and an alternate route from-”

“Since when?”

She could visibly see him struggling to hold on to his professional facade, “It’s all in the new security protocols that I-”

“I don’t care.” She declared, fully aware of how childish she sounded considering she was the one that had asked him. 

“Miss Smoak, we need to talk about this.”

“We really don’t.”

“Actually, we do.”

Felicity picked her head up from the window to shoot daggers at him with her eyes- who exactly did this person think he was?

“I wasn’t trying to be smart when I said that you’re painting a target on your back, your current security measures are nonexistent. Your entire front gate setup is outdated, you have exactly two cameras in your house and they’re both pointed at the driveway. An armed assailant managed to climb over your fence- your unsecured fence- sneak into your house, and remained there undetected for several hours until he-”

“Stop talking.”

“We need to talk about this so that I can do my job.” His voice was gravely, and it was grating against her every nerve.

“I mean it. Stop. Talking.”

“Miss Smoak.” 

Felicity hand latched onto the door handle before she could even think about it. She pulled, her entire body poised to jump, prepared for the burn of the pavement hitting her skin. 

It didn’t come.

She pulled at the door again, and then at the lock, which popped up and slipped out of her grasp each time. Panic rose in her throat as she clawed at the door.  

“Your friends told me about your party trick, but I didn’t think you’d try it so soon.” He chuckled in a way she found particularly irritating.

Felicity turned to him, hoping he wouldn't see her for the cornered animal she was. “You turned the child locks on?”

“No, Miss Smoak. The doors won’t open while the car is in drive. This car is completely bulletproof, and can keep its occupants alive in almost any element.”

“I didn’t ask for this. Why is the car bulletproof?”

He looked at her like she was asking why the sky was blue, “For your protection.”

“Is someone going to try to shoot me?" Felicity practically laughed in his face, "You don’t need to go changing everything, I mean, who would want to shoot me? Some other c-lister with less followers than me?”

“I don't think I need to remind you that someone had a gun pointed at your head not long ago."

"Yeah, well, he's dead now." Her eyes went wide, she could hardly believe the words that spat out of her own mouth. Her hands itched to open the car door, but there was nowhere she could run from the images in her mind. She turned her head back to the window so he wouldn't see the horror reflected in her eyes- the panic that clawed at her throat thinking about the blood that covered the ground. 

There was always blood. Her blood, and now his blood. Dark red and climbing higher every minute, and she was going to drown in it. 

"You don't have to worry," His voice cut through her thoughts, "I'm not going to let you out of my sight." 

"You know, that's not as reassuring as it probably sounded in your head." She murmured, her face still turned away from him. 

She watched his reflection in the window as he raked his hands through his closely cropped hair. 

A few minutes passed and Felicity found herself being drawn out of watching the palm trees go past by his quiet question.

"What were you planning on doing? Walking to the interview?"

She glanced over at him before turning back to the window, irritated by the question. "I don't know."

"So you had no plan."

"You think I planned for any of this to happen?"

"You shouldn't just be walking around the streets alone."

"Why not? I've been fine so far."

"You weren't exactly alone the last time."

Felicity turned to him in surprise, "You- I knew it." 

He showed no change of expression in the face of her anger. 

"I knew someone was following me. Do you always go around stalking your clients? You scared the shit out of me."

"Look, Miss Smoak, I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here."

"It’s Felicity, and it's a little too late for that."

Felicity shook her head in exasperation, letting it fall back against the window as she ignored him for the remainder of the ride. 

---

Felicity made her way through the studio at a clipped pace, determined to lose him. Her nose was buried in her phone with Sara beside her, and him behind her.

"No one said anything about this being live." He said lowly. 

Sara turned to him in surprise as they kept walking, “I’m so sorry, I thought I had mentioned it in the brief-.”

Felicity cut in sarcastically, "It's 2021, what did you think it was going to be? On VHS?"

She heard a small huff of annoyance as he picked up the pace behind her, Felicity almost smiled knowing that she was getting to him just a little bit. 

"So you're completely fine with broadcasting your current location to thousands of people when I just finished telling you that your life is in danger."

Whatever semblance of a smile Felicity had on her face dropped, all prior signs of amusement drained from her face. She looked at Sara who had turned to look at her at the same time- they were both caught off guard. 

"You didn't think about that, did you?" He caught up and kept pace beside her, "You just don't think." He finished, more to himself. 

"Oh yeah, and you've learned this about me through our long working relationship of, let's see," Felicity looked down at her phone, "Two hours."

"I can't let you do this."

Felicity abruptly came to a stop and he followed suit, "Let me?" she repeated his words. 

Sara took a step back from both of them. 

She scoffed into his stony face, “Oh, you’re serious?” Felicity put her phone in her pocket to free up a hand to point at him.  

"Let's make something very clear about this brief moment of time that you are going to be in my vicinity. You can give me suggestions about how to be safe, and I might take them into consideration- but at no point will you be letting me do anything."

"Maybe I'm not being clear, Miss Smoak." His voice was lower than ever as he stepped into her personal space, Felicity saw Sara's eyebrows shoot up in her peripheral, "If you do this, people will know exactly where you are for the entire length of the interview. There are exactly five points of entry to this building, and a sad excuse for a rent-a-cop at the front desk. That glass panel into the recording booth may be soundproof, but it's certainly not bullet proof. There are no security cameras in this wing at all unless you count the ones recording you in the booth. Someone could end your life without even stepping into the same room. But hey, at least your death would be broadcast live for thousands, right?"

Felicity froze up, her entire body screaming at her to protest his words, but she was frozen. 

"Is that what you want?" His voice dropped down to almost a whisper. 

She welcomed the walls that closed in on her like an old friend, allowing herself to close her eyes for just a moment to let them suffocate her. She opened them and continued to stare up at him.

"I've got good reflexes, I'll duck." She joked bitterly. 

His eyebrows knit together, "If you don't care about yourself, think about the other people that could get hurt."

He took a step back, arms crossed. She remembered how to breathe again. 

“I think he might be right, Felicity.” Sara spoke up and Felicity jerked her head towards her in surprise, forgetting that she had been there. “We could ask them to delay the broadcast, or we could try to reschedule. We’ll come up with a better plan-” Sara glanced at him, “together.”

"What do you want to do, Miss Smoak?" He asked again.

Her throat opened up just enough to swallow past the lump that had grown there. "It's Felicity." She hated the gravelly way her voice came out. "And I want to go to the bathroom."

"Great." He muttered sarcastically, swiftly moving in the general direction of the bathroom.

There was fire in her eyes as she looked at Sara, her jaw tight, “This is exactly why I didn’t want this.” 

By the time she reached the bathroom he had already done a full sweep, and was holding the door open for her.

"You know you're a caveman, right?" She glared as she walked past. 

He resisted the urge to snarl at her, realizing it would only further prove her point. 

He stood at ease in front of the bathroom door, even though he was anything but. He took a rare moment to close his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose for some relief from the new headache that was Felicity Smoak. He went over the layout of the building in his head, there were only a few staff in this studio and he could remember where all of them were standing at the moment he closed his eyes. There was one main door into the studio, and no windows to the outside except for the one in the bathroom, which he had locked when he had done his sweep. 

His eyes shot open. There was a window in the bathroom. He immediately turned and pounded on the door, "Miss Smoak?"

No answer. 

"Miss Smoak?" He pulled at the door, and then backed up for a kick when it refused to budge. 

Employees that had been milling around stopped and looked at each other. The frame shattered and the door swung open on his third try. 

Oliver rushed into the bathroom and found himself looking out of an open window. 

She was gone. 

Chapter Text

Last Year

January 2020

“Congratulations on walking in Star City Fashion Week! You absolutely killed it, everyone is talking about it.”

“Thank you so much!”

“So, you’ve been nominated for a Netty award, you just walked at fashion week, you’ve got a new movie in the works- some are saying this is the year of Felicity Smoak. And the year has barely begun!”

“Wow! That’s- I mean, I’m so flattered! But, you know, there is not a single thing I could have accomplished so far without my mother. Really, this should be her year.” Felicity beamed, “And I'm beyond happy that I was invited to walk. I was so nervous, I felt so out of my depth going into this.”

“I’m so honored to be able to sit down and talk with you about this incredible year you’ve got coming up, but before we really get into it, there’s something that’s really burning at the front of everyone's mind. I have to ask- do you have anything to say in response to Evelyn Sharp?”

Felicity looked to her manager, Isabel, where she stood off to the side, away from the glaring lights. Before Felicity could even convey her confusion, Isabel lurched forward and Felicity rushed to answer the question before she could put a stop to it. 

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” She said simply, crossing her legs and leveling the reporter with her most innocent look. She tried to ignore Isabel gesturing at the producers in her peripheral.

“The two of you used to be inseparable, but since 2019, you have nurtured somewhat of a public distaste for each other, to put it mildly.” The reporter paused, Felicity’s leg bounced up and down in a quiet display of her annoyance. 

She gave in and darted her eyes to the side where she saw Isabel warning her with her eyes- the look hit a nerve with her. She lifted her chin arrogantly, and changed her tone, “Was that a question?”

“Well, I suppose I’m asking: is there truly some kind of beef there, or is it all just speculation?”

“There’s no bad blood there, people grow apart sometimes, and I think people really do read too much into things. If you tell me exactly what was said, maybe I could be more helpful.” She tried to summon up a genuine smile as she gave the fakest possible answer she could think of. 

“So, you unfollowed Alena as well back in August, was that just people reading into things?”

Felicity’s smiled fumbled, she looked down to gather herself, hating that small moment of transparency. Her leg began to bounce up and down at a furious rate as she swallowed down her rage. She hated that she even had to hear that name right now, that it had summoned up thoughts of Cooper and the horrible scandal that was awaiting her if someone decided to dig deeper into their breakup.  

Isabel finally piped up from the sidelines, “Can we stick to vetted questions, please?” 

"Let's take five." Someone yelled out from somewhere behind a large screen. Things came to a halt as people crawled out from behind the cameras to adjust microphones and lights. A producer came over to whisper fight with Isabel. 

Felicity looked back at her interviewer, she told herself it was the bright lights making her eyes burn. 

“Show me.” Felicity said quietly.

The interviewer's face lit up as her eyes met Felicity’s from where they sat opposite each other. She picked her phone up from where it sat on her lap and swiped a couple of times. Her eyes scanned the screen one last time before handing it over.

Felicity reached across the space between them to take the phone. She saw the twitter icon in the corner and scanned down to see Evelyn’s username. 

Felicity’s face went slack as she let the phone slip to her lap. The reporter had not taken her eyes off Felicity as she read the vile tweet. 

Felicity felt something bubbling up from deep within her. She looked down at her lap and remembered that she needed to hand the phone back. She reached out across the space between them to hand it back, and just then a giggle slipped out of Felicity’s mouth. She brought her hand back to stifle it, but it was too late. Laughter poured out of her mouth, but she didn’t recognize the sound of it. 

For a moment it felt like she was watching herself from across the room as she began laughing hysterically. There were maybe ten crew members in the room, and they all came to a stop, there was no sound but the whir of heavy camera equipment and the insane laughter coming from her mouth. 

She had to do something, she had to lighten the tension. “That’s so fucking stupid.” Felicity laughed, her voice came out louder than she had intended. 

She looked around at several sets of shocked faces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say fuck.” She mumbled. 

Her brow tightened as she changed her mind, raising her voice once again. “No, you know what- think about it, think about how fucking dumb that is. She’s subtweeting me like we’re in middle school or something.” 

Felicity looked to her interviewer, waiting for someone to say something. When they stayed silent, she looked to Isabel, who looked like she had a massive headache coming on.

Felicity crossed her arms, “It’s always the people that have nothing going on that love to criticize. What has she done that makes her think she has the right to look down on me? I’ve worked my ass off and it still doesn’t seem to make a difference.”

“Felicity-” Isabel started, walking over to her client.

“No, I’m serious! It doesn’t matter whether I have ten followers or ten million, it’s always the same comments. ‘Felicity Smoak is overweight, she’s an industry plant, she’s just someones talentless ex.’ It’s 2020 for gods sake, how is fat shaming even still a thing?”

Felicity turned back to her interviewer. “Do you know that I starved myself for months before fashion week?”

“Let’s go Felicity.” Isabel put her hand on her arm and Felicity wrenched it away.

“People go on and on about celebrity diets, but you want to know the real secret? Just don’t eat anything and hope you don’t die trying to get that perfect red carpet photo. Did you know I ended up in the hospital? Of course you don’t, because of my wonderful manager here, and an entire team of publicists.”

Isabel tried to talk over Felicity, finally resorting to grabbing her upper arm and dragging her out of the chair. 

“But none of it means anything- you can lose as much weight as you want, you can try to mold yourself into the person they want you to be and they’re still going to talk shit about you. I almost killed myself trying to make you all happy, and you know what I get? I get pregnancy rumors while I’m at home recovering.”

Isabel continued to pull her towards the door even as Felicity tried to lunge out of her grip. Another member of her team joined them and pulled her away. 

“I’m done! I’m done performing for all of you like some kind of puppet. Fuck this. And fuck Evelyn Sharp.”

She cut one final look at the interviewer as she went slack in their arms, “I hope you got what you wanted out of me.”

Felicity Smoak was carried out of the room, and everyone looked around at each other in amazement.

The interviewer looked into the flashing red light of the camera with the biggest smile. 

Present Day

April 2021

“I told you she would try this.” John snapped, his frustration coming in clear through the phone. 

“She did try it, while we were in the car on the way there. I didn’t think it would happen again.”

“Yeah, well, she's persistent. And she's got a knack for proving people wrong. I can’t believe it only took an hour for her to lose you.” John grumbled. 

Oliver’s grip tightened on the steering wheel as he scanned the sidewalks, “It took two, Sergeant. I was a little more focused on keeping other people out, not on keeping her in. It's going to take some getting used to, protecting someone who doesn't want protection.” 

John stayed quiet for a moment. Oliver had circled every block in the area, and she was nowhere to be seen. 

“This isn’t the desert, Queen, there’s no rank here. This is someone that I care about, and I’m trusting you to keep her safe.”

Oliver swallowed guiltily, “I will.”

The line was quiet for another moment.

“But John, this isn’t-” Oliver stopped to collect his scattered thoughts, “this isn’t what I thought it would be.”

“I thought you did your homework.”

“Of course I did, but I could read everything that’s ever been written about her and that still wouldn’t be the person I met today. Either I got knocked over the head, or she's got a damn good publicist.”

"She has very good publicists." John agreed wryly, “But, she didn’t used to be like this, she was very different- before. Please just be patient with her, Oliver. We all know how she can be,” He admitted, “and now that you do too, I'm sure it won’t happen again.”

“No. It won’t.” Oliver mulled over his next words as he pulled into a parking lot.

“and, John?”

“Yeah?” John answered absentmindedly, busy doing his own searching on the other end.

“Don’t you think this would be a lot easier if she knew?”

John sighed deeply, “She’s been through a lot this year, Oliver.”

“I understand that, I do, but it would make protecting her a whole lot easier if she knew what she was being protected from.”

Silence stretched on between the two, “We’ll talk about it.” John conceded. “For now, check your phone, I have some ideas of where she could be. And, Oliver?”

“Yeah?”

“To be fair, it only took her fifteen minutes to lose her last detail.”

Oliver shook his head as he turned the call off through the cars console, one hand still tight on the wheel. Two fingers rubbed against his thumb, eyes closing as his head fell back against the headrest. 

His head snapped back up as the sun danced back and forth in his eyes. He reached out to still the dog tags twirling around under the rearview mirror. He didn't linger before he reached over to the passenger seat for his phone. 

He scrolled through the apps, watching John's text come through and swiping it away. Opening up Twitter, he typed her name into the search bar.

There she was, a grainy photo of her with the name of the street in the caption. She had somehow already made it halfway across town in those heels. 

The thought of her getting into a stranger's car spurred him into action. He’d only been successfully shaken off a handful of times in his career, and never like this. 

He tossed the phone back onto the seat, starting the car and tearing out of the parking lot. 

---

His sight locked on her from the moment he opened the door. She was seated at the bar on the opposite side of the restaurant. She was laughing boisterously at something one of the gaggle of girls surrounding her was saying when she locked eyes with him, the humor draining from her face. 

He gestured to the patio outside with a nod of his head. Her face twisted in annoyance- loathe to go anywhere he wanted her to. But she figured he was going to get to her one way or another- she might as well pick the easy way. 

She got up, shooting him a hateful look that she kept up all the way to the patio doors. 

He followed, stalking her almost parallel across the restaurant, soaking up the look she was giving. 

Felicity made it outside first, where it was just starting to get dark. She neglected the outdoor seating in favor of leaning against the restaurant's brick wall facade. She took out a cigarette, lit it, and closed her eyes as she took a long drag. When she opened them, he was in front of her, plucking the cigarette from her hand and putting it out on the ground with the sole of one of his black leather oxfords.

He was outwardly calm for all the anger burning in his eyes, he spoke softly, “Weren't you in a 'smoking kills' campaign?”

She spared a glance down at the dying cigarette, then back up to him, “Can't kill me if someone else gets to me first.”

It was like flipping a switch- Oliver growled in annoyance, hands tightening into fists at his sides as he stepped closer. “Why is everything a joke to you?”

She straightened her stance, “Why is everything so serious to you ?” she challenged, a smile on her face that dared him to wipe it off.

“Do you know how I found you? There are strangers all up and down the block taking your photo and telling the world where they saw you. John is out looking, worried sick- something that happens all the time, I’m finding out- and you’re just here partying it up."

She held that same smug smile, relishing his reaction. 

"Do you realize how selfish that is?" 

The smile dropped. He could see something briefly dawn in her eyes. He didn’t realize how close he’d gotten to her- but before he could back away he watched that very same something in her eyes get pulled away behind a thick, barbed wire wall that made up what he knew of her so far. 

His tone softened, “How did you even get here?”

She switched gears, eyes roving over him slowly- too slowly for a sober person, Oliver realized with a frown. He was close enough to feel her alcohol soaked breath hot on his cheek, his frown deepened and she burst into giggles, reaching out a finger to trace the crease in his forehead.

“I have my wayyyyss.” She giggled again. 

His eyes bore into hers, a growl bubbling up from deep within as he snatched her finger away. “We’re leaving.” He snarled, her fingers still held tightly in his grip between them. 

She yanked her hand out of his, “We leave when I say so.”

He shook his head slowly, taking a step back from her, “That’s not how this is going to work.”

She swayed on her feet, laughing maliciously, “Fine. I already got what I came here for.” She began to turn towards the door, “I’ll be out after one more dri-”

Before she could process what was happening he had a firm grip on her waist and was hauling her up. 

The moment his hands were on her it was all she could think about, and she hated it. They burned like an iron brand, searing through her drunken haze. 

“Don’t touch me!” She fought, elbowing him in the back of the head as she was slung over his shoulder. 

“Really?” She shrieked, beating at his back with closed fists, “This is so juvenile, even for you.”

“And you’re surprisingly articulate, for a drunk.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not while you’re intoxicated, but thanks for the offer.”

Felicity screamed in annoyance and pounded on his back even harder. 

He carried her around the outside of the restaurant to where the car sat idling by the valet. At the last minute, he thought about the many civilians milling about with cell phones in hand. He slipped her down from his shoulder, holding her out in front of him, bridal style. This change was met with more colorful language on her end but he was not about to let her out of his sight now that he knew exactly how strong her tendency was to run. 

He loosened his grip, feeling some of the fight drain out of her as he unlocked the car door with one hand. He deposited her into the car, shutting the door firmly before slipping into the driver's seat.

Pausing to take a deep breath, he spotted a paparazzo on the corner, talking to the valet while looking curiously at the large vehicle with its tinted windows. Oliver jumped in the driver's seat before the man could figure out exactly who he had just put in the backseat of the car. He turned on the window locks for good measure before speeding away from the restaurant. 

Oliver felt lost and left behind, trying to fill in the gap between public persona and reality. This job was certainly going to be a headache and a half, but he was going to see it through- he had to. 

Looking in the rear view mirror, he could see her trying to blink away the effects of the alcohol as the city sped past them. 

She was asleep before they made it halfway home.

---

“You can leave now.” Felicity announced, stumbling out of his grip and through her front door. “You’ve done your job, you won, so you can go home now.”

“Let’s get you up to your room.” He said calmly, guiding her with a hand on her back.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” She seethed, arching away from his touch. “I told you not to touch me and I meant it.”

Oliver took a breath, “You should have a drink of water, some aspirin maybe, Miss Smoak.”

“Oh, don’t act like you’re better than me. You know what you are? You’re arrogant, and you’re an asshole.” She stormed up the stairs, leaving him standing in the foyer. “And my name is Felicity!”

“You don't even know me.” Oliver spoke quietly, but his voice echoed through the empty foyer and up the stairs. 

Felicity stopped in her ascent of the staircase, loathe to let him have the last word. 

“This entire day that we’ve been together, do you even know my name?” He continued, his head tilted to the side expectantly, waiting to hear what she had to say in answer.

“I know exactly who you are.” She spat as she turned around and took a few steps down the stairs toward him.

“You're a stuck up, silver-spooned son of an army general who followed in his father's footsteps. Graduated with honors from the top military school in the country before taking your tour of violence in Libya, Afghanistan, Syria and ‘redacted’. You climbed the ranks quickly, no doubt through nepotism, and by being the notorious bastard that stands in front of me now." Felicity angled her head at him, waiting for his reaction. "You met Sergeant John Diggle in Afghanistan during his second tour, you took shrapnel in Syria and decided to retire to an easier life- babysitting senators and c-list celebrities, apparently. Well I don't need a babysitter, Oliver Jonas Queen, and I certainly don't need to know you to know that I don't like you.” She finished, taking one last fumbling step down the stairs.

From where she stood on the last step, they were almost eye level. She stared at him with all the seething hatred she could muster, and he put his hands in his pockets as he stared back calmly.  His unbothered demeanor only stoked the fire of her anger. 

"Well I'm glad you've got the official story." Oliver plastered on the fakest grin in his inventory as he took a step closer. "and you're right. You don't need a babysitter, you need someone to keep you alive. You think you can run all around this city alone, run away from the people who want to keep you safe, but you have no idea how lucky you are to be standing here right now.” He took a step forward, his voice menacingly low, “So let’s get one thing clear- my ability to keep you from harm will outweigh your comfort. You don’t have to like me, hell, you don’t even have to tolerate me, but you need to listen to me. If I think something is unsafe, we’re going to discuss it- together. No more running. You may think that you don’t need me, but just look around, Felicity, read a headline- If you think you're not in any danger, you must be blind from having your head so far up your ass.”

Felicity huffed in disbelief, eyes burning and jaw almost to the floor. Her heels clicked quickly down the hallway as she shoved past him. Oliver heard the echo of her raised voice and another woman from where they were in the kitchen. 

“He has got to go.”

“Oh, hey, you’re still alive.” Sara monotoned, not even looking up from her computer. 

Felicity rounded the kitchen island clumsily as she tried to get Sara’s attention,

“Make him leave, Sara.”

“There’s not much I can make anyone do, anymore. Especially when you’re a no-show to your own interview.”

“Look, so I get that you’re mad, but it’s a really funny story.” Felicity suppressed a giggle.

Sara finally looked up at her, shaking her head, “You’re drunk, Felicity. Clearly you need him.”

“Just like he needs a swift kick in the ass!”

Sara snorted, “Seems like the two of you are getting on famously.”

“I have never been so disrespected as I have been today.” Felicity fumed, finger pointing sloppily at the air.

“I’m sure whatever was said was well deserved.”

“You’re seriously taking his side? You’ve barely even met the bastard! You know, I’m starting to think he was sent here to finish me off!”

Oliver chose that moment to enter the conversation, “I might just, if you continue to be this much of a pain in the ass.” 

Sara actually smiled at that, “We didn’t really get a chance for introductions before, I’m Sara Lance- manager to the star.”

“Oliver Queen, the bastard.” He nodded at her. 

“Oh, that is it .” Felicity turned and stomped out of the kitchen, pausing as she passed him in the door way, "I won't be requiring your services any longer, Mr. Queen." 

She stalked out of the kitchen and back up the stairs, hearing his footsteps behind her. 

She whipped around, "I said leave!"

"With all due respect, Ms. Smoak, you didn't hire me, and you can't fire me."

She stared at him, groaning her frustrating when he gestured for her to continue up the stairs. 

"Well, aren't you going to leave for the night?" She continued to stare him down. 

"I’m staying here, the arrangements have already been made." 

Felicity blinked in disbelief, her fists balled up tight at her side as he continued.

"And you are staying in a guest room tonight as well, your balcony door is getting fixed first thing tomorrow morning."

She let out another annoyed grunt as she continued to stomp up the stairs- towards her own room. 

Oliver followed close behind her, she could feel him there as real as the walls on every side that were closing in on her. The itching feeling returned at her neck and crawled up her spine and she turned around to lash out at him when she reached the second floor. 

The moment she did, she saw the warning written across his every feature. Mistaking his warning for self defense, she opened her mouth to tell him off. 

His eyes went wide, shaking his head slowly as his eyes moved past her, focusing on something, or someone over her shoulder. 

Panic slammed into her like a ton of bricks, she would have fallen over if he wasn’t standing so close. 

“Do not move.” He whispered. “I’m going to reach for my gun, do not make a sound.”

Chapter Text

Last month

March 2021

“I’m calling it. Shit’s getting real now, Oliver. We need you.”

“I’m giving you the same answer that I gave Amanda Waller when you gave her my name seven months ago, Diggle- I’m just not sure that she’s the kind of clientele that I-”

“She’s family, Oliver.”

And there it was. Those words. Those words in particular sent a sharp stab of pain right through Oliver’s ribs, almost taking his breath. As if it weren’t bad enough, John had to go and repeat them.

“I know we don’t- you and I, we don’t talk about- and we don’t have to, but she’s- she’s family.”

Oliver moved the phone away from his ear and let out a long, slow sigh- his resolve cracking under the heavy weight of guilt. The normally cool and composed Sergeant John Diggle barely able to find the words to bring up his brother, to bring up their shared past. Oliver was completely and utterly unable to recall why he had originally said no as he put the phone back up to his ear.

“This attack that happened today, do you think it’s in any way connected to those letters she received all those months ago?”

It was John’s turn to sigh. “That’s the thing- and Oliver, this doesn’t go anywhere. What I’m about to tell you, Waller doesn’t even know.” John went silent on the other end of the line for a moment, “That was just the first time she received those letters, not the only time. I couldn’t even count the number that we’ve intercepted by now.”

Oliver rubbed at his temple, “Fuck, John.”

“Yeah. And Oliver?”

“John please don’t tell me-”

“There’s more.” Oliver huffed out a breath at that, slowly shaking his head as John went on. “You know that symbol, the one- the one from-”

Oliver's blood ran ice cold in an instant, finishing John’s sentence for him, “The desert?”

There was a drawn out silence where neither of them spoke, but Oliver knew what he had to do.

“I can be there in the morning.”

Present Day

April 2021

Oliver reached into his jacket to pull his pistol from its holster. “Now you’re going to turn around, slowly, and tell me if your room looks the way it did after the cleaners left this morning.”

Felicity did as he said, taking in the open door at the end of the hallway, and the mess that lay beyond it. She shook her head, backing away until she felt him like the fourth wall at her back. 

“Do not leave my side.” His voice still low, Felicity continued to shake her head, her spine straightening as it made contact with his chest. “I am not letting you out of my sight, do not leave my side.”

Her mind was a blank slate of terror, she felt his arm go up beside her and saw the glint of metal that was his firearm.

“I can’t go back there.” Felicity’s voice was barely a breath. 

“Well you’re not going anywhere else, we walked into this house blind, anyone could be here.”

“Is this really the time for ‘I told you so’?” Felicity spluttered.

"The protocol explicitly outlined that I would be making a sweep of-"

A crashing sound emanated from the room beyond. Felicity flinched back into his solid frame, remembering how her beloved vanity had toppled to the ground when she had shoved her attacker into it. Her breath came faster. 

“Take a moment” Oliver's low voice was right next to her ear. She closed her eyes and fought to focus on the present. When her mind cleared, her eyes snapped open and she jolted away from him. A surge of annoyance colored her cheeks at the calm she had felt while leaning into his warm chest. 

“We’re going to walk slowly forward. That’s it, focus on that. One foot in front of the other, I am right behind you.”

They walked down the hallway like that, her back to his chest, his gun out in front of both of them. She placed one shaking foot in front of the other, apprehension tight in her chest as the door came nearer. 

“That’s it, we’re almost there. I’m right here.” He continued to whisper lowly, warm breath ghosting over her ear and anchoring her to reality.

They reached the end of the hallway and saw her room laying in ruins, but empty otherwise. 

“I don’t see anyone.” Felicity’s voice quavered, her steps faltering. 

Oliver grunted softly in agreement as he continued to guide them forward, gun arm still extended as they entered the room. 

A book that had been precariously returned to its shelf fell to the floor with an echoing thud. Felicity flinched back into Oliver once more- but reassured herself that that must have been the noise they had heard earlier as well. 

He moved away from her slowly, bracing her shoulders to indicate that she should stay where she was as he examined the closet and balcony. She watched him examine the room, brows tight, his eyes always coming to land back on her at the center of it. 

He returned to her, looking all around before holstering his gun at his side, where he could pull it out again at a moments notice, “I'll have to do a sweep of the house- but whoever was here,” He leveled with her to look her in both eyes, “they’re gone now.” 

“Someone was here,” She murmured, “again.”, saying it out loud to feel the realness of it. With one shaking hand to her mouth, she took in the room. She hadn't been able to come in here this morning, instead she had stood at the top of the stairs, staring down the hallway trying to muster up the courage. The vanity had been taken away and the shards of glass carefully swept up. Sara had reassured her the cleaners had put everything back in its place, however, the plastic sheeting that had covered the broken balcony door was now ripped open and flapping in a light breeze. Her bed and other pieces of furniture had been rifled through and badly put back together, clothes and shoes were scattered all over the floor. Her eyes went wide as they landed on the dresser over Oliver’s shoulder. 

She brushed past him, her previous fear gone as she picked up the velvet box that lay open on its side at the top of the dresser. "It's gone." She panicked. 

"Miss Smoak, we need to get out of here." Oliver said as he held his phone to his ear.

She had heard him talking on the phone as her mind wandered around the room, but it was all background noise. She ripped through every dresser drawer, haphazardly pulling out the few items that had been left inside.  

Oliver watched her as he continued talking on the phone, ‘Miss-” 

“I’m not leaving here without it.” She panicked as she started sifting through the clothes on the floor. 

He put a hand over the phone, shooting her a puzzled look,  “Without what?” 

She glared at him in answer as he brought the phone back up to his ear, “No, I said no sirens.”

“Those bastards took it!” She threw down the clothes she had been looking through. “Why would they-”

Oliver knelt down beside her, pulling out drawers and looking under things that had been thrown on the floor. She stared at him for a moment before resuming her search. 

“Well, you can tell them that unless they want the press all over their asses, they can stop acting like they always follow protocol.” His voice was harsh but level, he pulled the phone away from his ear again to turn his attention to her, “I’m sorry Felicity, but we need to go.” He said gently, glancing at his watch as he got up from the floor. 

“You don’t understand!” Felicity’s voice was desperate, hating that he was hearing her like this and not bothering to look up at him as she tore through one item after another, searching for the ring. 

“I’m not pretending that I do, but I’m not going to let you stay here when someone has clearly broken into the house again.” He extended the hand not busy with the phone to help her up. It was more of a command than a suggestion.

“Didn’t we already have a talk about you ‘letting’ me do things?” She grumbled, ignoring his hand as she pushed herself up off the floor. He made to turn towards the door, expecting her to follow right behind him, only to watch her continue to search through things around the room. 

Felicity threw her arms up as she stepped around a broken bottle of perfume on the ground. “What are the chances of this? What are the chances that my house gets broken into twice in two weeks?” 

Oliver sighed, “Very little, now let’s go.”

Her eyes widened and she paused, struck with a thought. “Does this have to do with the letters?”

“Miss Smoak, I promise you I will personally find out if you will just go with me right now.”

She hesitated, glancing around the room again as she worried her bottom lip. 

“We don’t have time, we need to go now !” 

Her eyes widened as his voice rose with urgency.. 

He saw her panicked reaction and took a step back. “We’ll find it,” He said, his voice about ten shades kinder than it had been. “but we need to get Sara and get out of here.”

“Oh my god, Sara!” Felicity hand flew to her forehead, immediately letting him lead her out the door. 

Three Years Ago

July 2018

“Why are there so many people at the windows?” Felicity questioned her manager, pulling one boxing glove off to take a swig of water. The gym they had chosen for the photoshoot didn’t have the best circulation, and it was getting hot under so many lights. 

Isabel’s only answer was her heels clacking over the cement floors as she made her way toward the site supervisor.

Felicity pulled the glove back on and looked up in surprise when she heard the camera go off.

“I thought some candids would be good, as well.” the photographer explained. 

Felicity swallowed down her discomfort and let him adjust her position for the next few shots, until she heard Isabel's raised voice across the room.

She walked over to the edge of the ring to see the commotion, “Is there a problem? She called out when she saw Isabel making her way back towards her with another woman in tow.

“This- woman - says that the fans and paps should stay. They won’t make them leave.” Isabel said through tightly pursed lips.

The woman in question flashed a warm smile, “They’re harmless. Besides,” She said, gesturing to the large industrial windows that lined the gym, “its free publicity.” 

“If it really makes you uncomfortable, we can ask them to leave, but I think that’s a bad idea. I think they’re generating a lot of good hype for you right now.” Felicity leaned into the ropes as she spoke. “And, I mean, it doesn’t hurt that our gyms name is getting included in that hype.” Sara shrugged.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met.” Felicity reached a gloved hand through the ropes.

“Oh, I’m Sara Lance, I’m the manager here- I instruct too” Sara took her gloved hand, flashing another smile. 

Felicity pulled back, looking out the windows as she made up her mind.

“I think that’s fine, I mean what’s the harm? It’s just a photoshoot.”

“Exactly! Oh, but you know what would make them go absolutely crazy? If you invited a few of them in here.”

“The fans?” Felicity raised an eyebrow.

“Yes! We could find a few on twitter who are out there and tweeting about you, and then we could go find them, and- oh! Oh my gosh, what if we included them in the photoshoot?”

“Alright, Miss Lance,” Isabel cut in, “that’s very cute, but-”

“We’re totally doing that.” Felicity climbed through the ropes and hopped down from the boxing ring to meet Sara at eye level. 

“Oh my gosh, we could get pictures of me sparring with some fans. I mean that would go perfectly with the profile they’re doing.” Felicity was almost breathless with excitement. 

“It’s funny, and the fans would love it-”

“Miss Smoak,” Isabel cut in icily, “might I remind you that the feature is not supposed to come out until September and-”

“Exactly!” Sara beamed as Felicity whipped out her phone. 

“Oh! What do you think about her? She’s always in my mentions, she’s so supportive and sweet.”

Sara and Felicity crowded around her phone, talking and laughing so hard they didn’t even notice Isabel rolling her eyes as she walked away. 

Present Day

April 2021

“Where are we gonna go?” Sara’s face was stricken as she climbed into the backseat of the SUV after Felicity.

“Diggle’s. For now.” Oliver closed the door behind them and was in the driver's seat in an instant. Felicity caught him staring down at his watch again as he turned the key to start the car. 

“I don’t understand- I got here a half an hour ago and I didn’t notice anything wrong.” Sara said as she looked out the window, the police were just pulling around the corner as they sped out of the gate. 

“What part of no goddamn sirens do they not understand.” Oliver grumbled under his breath.

Felicity watched the police cars go by, noting a few unmarked cars trailing behind them- paparazzi . She watched Oliver’s expression in the rearview mirror; he was laser focused on the road, until he glanced up to check on the two of them, and then back at the road. 

Sara spoke up before Felicity could. “Hey, if we're going to John's, we're going the wrong way."

He glanced up at them, and back down to his watch. “I’m making sure we’re not being followed.” 

Felicity bit her cheek at the thought that maybe, just maybe, Oliver knew what he was doing.

Time stopped for a moment as she watched his eyes slip back down to the road again, and in an instant, the car was rocked forward.

Chapter Text

Present day

April 2021

Felicity felt herself being thrown forward for what felt like minutes, only to be suddenly yanked backwards into her seat. Once the stars had dissipated from her vision, feeling kicked back into her body and she felt the harsh burn from her seat belt. The only thing she could think about coherently was how she couldn’t even remember putting her seatbelt on. 

A high pitched ringing echoed in her ears along with the crunching of glass and the crackling of fire. 

It took effort for Felicity to turn around and look through the back window, feeling like she was pushing her body against a current. 

Her eyes could barely make sense of what she was seeing- an entire section of her house was gone, with flames rising from the crater. She caught one last glimpse of the thick black smoke rising in the air before the car turned a corner. 

She turned back around when she felt a tug on her arm, Sara was holding her hand. They exchanged horrified looks. 

It took Felicity a moment to understand that the car was still moving, and when she did her eyes found Oliver's in the rearview. She could see his lips moving but couldn't focus on the words. 

He took his eyes off the road to turn back to her, and she finally heard his words to her as if he were saying them underwater.

"Miss Smoak!"

"Yeah?" She blinked as everything went back to normal speed.

"Tell me no one else was in that house."  He turned back around to see the road, his voice urgent as they tore around the next corner.

"I-"

"Felicity!" 

"No! No, no one else was in there. I think-" she rubbed at her cheek where she had bit it as they were being thrown forward.

"Do you think, or do you know?" 

"I don't know!" She yelled back at him, on the verge of hysteria.

Sara squeezed her hand, pulling her back down to earth again "Nobody else was in there." She reassured. "It was just us."

Oliver's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "We could be sure if we had cameras and updated gate security but-"

"You really have impeccable timing with your 'I told you so's'." Felicity pulled her hand out of Sara's as she continued to look back at what she had lost. 

"What are we going to do?" Sara asked, more to herself, "Oh, god, Fel, your house."

She eventually turned back around to stew in the shocked silence that pervaded the car.

"Is it weird that I want to laugh right now? My house just blew up, and I just want to laugh."

Sara looked at her with wide eyes, the two of them just blinking at one another in the back seat. Sara cracked first, letting out a snort that sent Felicity into fits of her own laughter. 

"I mean, seriously, what the fuck else could happen to me at this point?" She exclaimed while wiping away tears of laughter. She came to meet the eyes looking back in the rearview mirror. They were deep blue- like the ocean after a storm- and he was looking at the pair of them like they had both just grown second heads. 

"Be careful,” Sara said, causing Felicity to break eye contact with Oliver, “that sounds like a challenge to the universe." Sara wiped at her own tears,

"Oh, please, bring it on, universe!"

-----

Oliver paced the hallway restlessly. His thoughts were loud, going through the checklist in his mind. The doors were locked, the windows too, everything had been secured twice over. He rubbed his fingers together in an anxious gesture at his side, trying to think of what else he needed to do to secure their stay in the safehouse. 

He came to a brief stop at Felicity’s door, debating whether or not to check on her, but decided it wasn’t worth facing her wrath if she was awake. Her room was the most secure at the center of the house- it didn’t even have any windows. That knowledge was the only thing that reassured him as he resumed his walk of the hallways.  

Oliver had always prided himself on being steady, he’d been through enough horrors in his time overseas and at home that it wasn’t often that he found himself surprised by anything. But this- the explosion, had rattled him. 

And the fact that he had been able to be rattled made him nervous.  

He knew that something was coming, but he couldn’t have imagined it would have been that. Had they been just a few minutes too slow, none of them would be here. He thought he knew what he was getting into, and things had already turned out to be so different. He was starting to think that perhaps there was more that John had not been exactly forthcoming with.

And Felicity- he’d never met someone so stubbornly self absorbed. Oliver had an extremely difficult time trying to reconcile this woman with the one John had talked about with all the fondness and love of an older brother. Oliver may have been living under a rock the past few years, but even he hadn’t managed to avoid hearing the tabloids sing the praise of America’s modern sweetheart. He wasn’t sure where that girl had gone, but that wasn’t at all the person he had accidentally met that day in the cafe. 

He’d protected plenty of millionaires, CEO’s, and politicians, but this- all this was new to him. He didn’t have many expectations of his first, and hopefully last, celebrity gig beyond some wild behavior- and she had already surpassed those expectations. He’d never had to protect someone who clearly valued her own freedoms over the safety of herself and those around her. Hell, if she hadn’t run into the house before he could sweep the place, that explosion could have been avoided altogether. He couldn’t figure her out, she wasn’t predictable in the ways that had helped him protect so many of his past clients. 

A door suddenly swung open, and Oliver instantly went on alert.

“You know, you're going to wear a hole in the hardwood if you do that all night.” Felicity popped her head out of the door, her voice gravelly and eyes squinting in the light.

He summoned his most neutral voice, trying to clear his brain of all the thoughts of precisely how she was pushing his buttons. “I apologize, Miss Smoak. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

It had taken her some time to come down from the shock. She didn’t realize that was what was happening to her, but Oliver had recognized the signs. They’d laughed hysterically in the backseat while Oliver watched in trepidation. 

She had flat out refused to get out of the car when he had pulled up to a house that wasn’t Johns. The fact that she hadn’t noticed or protested earlier in the long drive down winding suburban back roads wasn’t lost on him. He tried explaining that it wasn’t smart to return somewhere she’d already stayed for several days prior, and Sara agreed, but she wasn’t having it. He’d sat there with her for over an hour until they were both tired of the back and forth, tired in general, and she had finally been coaxed inside. It was late, he couldn’t believe it was still only his first day, and he hoped she’d fall asleep quickly.

“Well, if I had ever fallen asleep in the first place, you would have woken me thirty minutes ago.” Felicity leaned against the door frame, arms crossed. “Are we really back to ‘Miss Smoak’ already?”

Oliver flashed a grin that surprised both her and himself, the late hour loosening his tongue, “What? Had we bonded over screaming in each other's faces all day?”

“Funny. You’re funny.” She blinked, not returning the smile. “Miss Smoak is my mother.” 

His grin was gone in an instant, “I’m so sorry.” He shook his head at his own stupidity- she’d been trying to tell him all day, and he hadn’t listened. 

“Was, I guess.” She ruminated. “Was my mother.” 

“I-”

“You’re sorry, I know.” She waved it away, “Everybody is.” 

She watched some small piece of the puzzle click into place for him. She hated it, she hated the thought that she had given him even the smallest bit of insight into her life. She tried to look anywhere but at him as she straightened up, ready to find some excuse to flee.

“Felicity?” Oliver said softly, trying to make up for his previous blunder, “Can we discuss what happened at the house? I need to know if you remember anything else missing from your room. You were searching for something. Can you tell me about that?” Oliver was itching to put together the pieces of the puzzle. If neither of them were going to sleep, they might as well make the most of the time. 

Felicity shook her head, “Why?”

Oliver tilted his head to the side, unable to finish preparing his answer before she interrupted. “Do you think it was a robbery? I mean, that doesn’t explain why they would just, I don’t know, blow up my house! Oh my god, my house blew up. That was a thing that happened today. Today! And I literally just moved in. Am I crazy or did today feel like a thousand years long? It seems like-”

“Felicity.” Oliver raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Right. Sorry, I do that, sometimes.” She rubbed her head, “The ring.”

Three Years Ago

April 2018

“Well, it’s not my fault the super never remembers to call maintenance.” Felicity’s mom spun her ring around her finger- a nervous habit. 

"Mom, seriously, you can’t go without hot water.”

“What would you have me do?” Donna put her hands on her hips, waiting for an answer from her daughter. 

“Well, you could listen to what I’ve been trying to tell you for the past six months and just move in with me already.” Felicity mimicked her mother's motion, placing her hands on her hips. 

“Oh, Felicity, I’ve already told you I couldn’t do that.” Donna turned to busy herself at the kitchen counter.

“And yet, you’ve failed to tell me why.”

“You’re young, Felicity! You don’t want your old mother in the way. I want you to live, and party, and have boys over. You can’t do that with me there.”

Felicity laughed, taking her mother's shoulder to get her to turn around and look at her. “Mom, the life you just described sounds a lot more like yours now than mine ever has. The only parties I go to are for work, and you know what happened the last time I had a boy around.”

Donna pressed her lips together as she took Felicity’s arm in hers, giving it a squeeze in commiseration. “And you’re not old! Look at this dress! You act younger than I am most of the time.”

Donna gave Felicity’s arm a swat at the suggestion, turning back to the counter, “Well, now I’m definitely not moving in with you. I don’t know who raised such a brat.”

Felicity laughed aloud, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Mom.”

“Yeah, you are your fathers daughter.” The trace of laughter and lightheartedness was gone from her voice. “Oh, we used to laugh.”

Felicity shifted uncomfortably against the counter, “You really should think about moving.”

Donna looked up at her, blinking at the sudden subject change. 

“It doesn’t have to be with me, but I want to get you out of this crappy apartment.”

She shook her head, “This ‘crappy apartment’ has been good enough for me for years, and it will continue to be fine if I can just get the hot water fixed. Besides, there’s so many memories here, this is where you had your start, Felicity.“ She came closer to take Felicity’s face in her hands, as she was so fond of doing. “An who’s going to find Mrs. Ferdinand's cat when she loses it every two weeks?

“Come on, Mom. You’ve done so much for me, let me do this one thing for you.”

Present Day

April 2021

"You think I would just leave a laptop lying around?” Felicity shot Oliver a disbelieving look. “I lock all my electronics up tight. I've got probably a hundred projects in the works,” she turned away and grumbled, “plus, pictures that I would rather not get leaked.”

"I- What?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Felicity gave him a dry look from where she was curled up on the sofa, a mug of hot coffee in her hands despite the late hour.

“Look- Felicity,” He swiped a large palm down his face, “I’m just trying to jog your memory. Something valuable like a laptop or a tablet would be one of the first things to get taken. Just try to remember what the room looked like.”

“Forgive me if I don’t exactly want to take a walk down memory lane right after my house blew up. I just don’t see why this would help.”

“Jewelry was obviously a target, tell me about the value of this ring that you’re missing.”

Felicity was sure the crease in her eyebrow was starting to match his. “Only sentimental. It was my mothers.”

Oliver had to swallow down the urge to apologize when he saw her going cagey again, “Okay, so, maybe it wasn’t money they were after. I just need you to be sure about the laptop Felicity. If they wanted information, they could have taken-

“I’m sure!” Felicity answered a little too loudly, “It wouldn’t matter anyway. I don’t keep anything on physical hard drives. It’s all backed up on my own server, and everything’s encrypted. Now, what do you mean by ‘they’?”

Oliver cocked his head at her from across the couch as if he was examining her in a new light. 

“What?” She said sharply. 

“I’m just trying to wrap my head around how the same woman whose gate code is ‘1234’ has a private server.”

Felicity snorted, and Oliver’s frown lines deepened in confusion. 

“The code.” She explained, “That wasn’t my idea, it was a joke. It was-” She chewed at her lip. “It was Roys.”

“Roy Harper? He was included in a list of your personnel.”

It was Felicity’s turn to look at Oliver in confusion, “Personnel? No, I don’t have any ‘personnel’.”

“What do you consider John and Sara?”

Felicity was taken aback, she sat up, placing her half finished coffee on the table in front of her., “John is like family to me. Sure, I met him at work, but that was a lifetime ago. He did security for my first meet and greet, but he hasn’t worked for me in a long time. And Sara is my-” 

Felicity felt the hot pang of guilt burning in her chest. The words She’s my friend, she’s my friend, she’s my friend beat heavy across her chest. She crossed her legs, looking down at her hands in her lap, and pushed through it- like she always did.

“She’s part of my management team. She works for Helix.”

Oliver nodded, not missing the way she wouldn’t meet his eye, “And Roy?”

“Roy would just- he washed the cars, and helped me go places without getting hassled, and he made sure I had what I needed. He did a bit of everything.” She conceded.

“He doesn’t work for you anymore?” 

Felicity looked up at him in surprise.

He tilted his head, “You were speaking in past tense.”

“I don’t know. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it.”

“Please do that when you get the chance. I would like him to accompany you when I’m not available.” He spoke distractedly as he tapped out something on his phone. 

“Not available? I thought that was the whole point of you being here. If you need backup so badly, why didn’t they send two of you?”

“Because that went over so well for you last time.” He looked up at her, putting away the phone. 

Her jaw tensed, “Right.” Felicity looked back down at her hands, where her nails dug into her palms. “I don’t know if your boss would love Roy’s resume.”

“I know about Mr. Harper's background, it’s why I think he’d be perfect for the job.”

Felicity looked up at him with a puzzled look on her face, his hands were relaxed in his lap and he was leaning towards her.

“I’ve done thorough background checks on most of the people in your life. And I don’t have a boss, I am an independent contractor.”

“Then you know about him?” Her brow furrowed. 

“Yes.” Oliver moved past her confusion, "What about- um," he slid his phone out of his pocket to glance at it again, "Isabel Rochev? Does she still work for you?"

Felicity's eyes went wide at the mention of her former manager, "No, she does not." she said firmly.

"I'm surprised you have no other long-term personnel. No chef, no personal trainer?”

Felicity answered absentmindedly, her fingers digging harder into her palms. “I don’t like a lot of people in my house.”

“I guess parties don’t count.” Oliver stated plainly.

“That’s-” Felicity stopped herself, turning a stony face to him. “I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

“Weren’t you having a party the night before the first break in?”

Felicity could hear the glass shattering, could feel the hands at her neck. 

“What is wrong with you?” She lashed out, suddenly finding herself standing in front of where he sat on the couch. 

Her question echoed in the silence.

“I’m just trying to do my job, mi-” He sighed, “Felicity.

Felicity growled her annoyance, “Why are you asking me these questions? Do you know who attacked me?”

Oliver’s first instinct was to open his mouth and tell her the truth, but John's words echoed in his head. He fought against them, his head dropped to his lap. 

He looked back up when he heard her disapproving sigh, her arms were crossed, the barriers were all the way up “I don’t know, Felicity.” It was the truth, sort of. 

“You know something . When we were leaving my house you said that we didn’t have any time. You knew something was going to happen, didn’t you?” She glared at him accusingly.

Oliver bit his tongue. 

“Didn’t you?” She took another step towards him, fists now clenched at her sides. 

He surprised her when he rose from the sofa to meet her challenge, their faces so close for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, and she could feel his breath hot on her cheek. She could see it; she could see how badly he wanted to say whatever it was he needed to say. 

The fight drained from her body, her voice soft as her hands went limp at her sides.

“What’s happening to me, Oliver?”

He said nothing, looking into her eyes until he was unable to any more, and then blinking away in shame. 

“You’re a fucking coward.” She spat, relishing the sharp glint of anger in his eyes before he turned and walked away. 

“I’m not made of glass.”  She said angrily to his back. 

He stopped, turning towards her only slightly, “What?”

“I said I’m not-” She calmed her shaking voice,  “I can handle it, whatever it is.”

He shook his head, and walked out of the room.

-----

Felicity spent much of the next day trying to avoid Oliver. Trying, because the safe house they currently occupied was a one-story ranch style house. There were only so many rooms to walk out of- and Oliver was hovering, just waiting for her to bolt. 

He said they had to stay at the safe house for at least another day, to “let things settle”, whatever that meant. She didn’t bother trying to find out, and she was too tired to argue. The events of the previous day were finally starting to catch up to her. 

Despite what they had just been through the night before, Felicity found that Sara was just as cold as ever in the morning. And so she fell right back into the roles they had taken up, and was cold to her in return.  

Felicity was going stir crazy, she had nothing to do, no one to talk to, and with Oliver watching her every move- nowhere to go. 

Sara, on the other hand, had plenty to do to clean up the mess that Felicity had made of her interview. When she had walked out just minutes before they were set to go live, the hosts had no backup and nothing else to fill that slot with, so they resorted to ripping into her for the full hour of the podcast. The world was desperate for any news on the newly reclusive Felicity Smoak, and the videos were already racking up hundreds of thousands of views. Beside that, someone had managed to capture a photo of Oliver carrying Felicity to the car that same day and the press had run wild with it. However, despite the wild speculation, nobody seemed to have an accurate grasp on exactly what was going on at the restaurant or the fact that Felicity was drunk as a skunk at the time. 

So, Felicity passed the time scrolling through her phone, pretending like the world wasn’t laughing at her, pretending her friendship with Sara wasn’t irreparable, pretending she didn’t feel cold hands at her throat with every breath. It was the only way she could feel some semblance of control. Everything was out of her hands, and it was driving her crazy not to know what was really going on.

John had called at some point to check in. Apparently the others were keeping him apprised of the situation, as he didn't have the usual amount of questions for her.

She finally turned on the TV in the living room out of sheer boredom, something she hadn't done in months, and instantly regretted it. 

"-was the scene of chaos for the second time in as many weeks when smoke was seen pouring out of the hilltop residence Thursday night. Neighbors testified hearing an explosion, with police arriving on the scene within just seconds. Friends and fellow celebrities took to the internet for the second time this week, following a vicious attack in this very same home. Many have posted pictures and kind words for the internet starlet, despite her disappearance from social media and the public eye almost a year ago. Fellow castmate on the short lived e-series, Poison, Carrie Cutter, had this to say about Felicity- ”

The TV went mute, but Felicity stood in front of it still, watching the woman's lips continue moving as pictures of her she didn’t even recognize flashed across the screen. She noticed Oliver with the remote in hand from the corner of her eye. She hadn’t even heard him enter the room. 

“You shouldn’t watch that.” He said lowly. 

“Unmute it.”

He shifted on his feet. “You don’t really want that.”

“You don’t know-” She stopped her outburst before it could begin, suddenly feeling the weight of just how tired she was, she didn’t want to do this with him right now. “You don’t know what I want.” She finished quietly. “Stop telling me what to do.”

She finally turned to look at him, hating that her eyes were burning with held back tears.

“The funny thing is-” She gestured to the TV, still flashing images of her smiling in the arms of a myriad of people that Oliver faintly recognized from movies and magazine covers. “That none of these people have even bothered to call.” 

She held up her phone, “For all her outpouring of emotion in the public eye, Carrie sent me a heart emoji.” She pressed at the screen to bring the text up. “A fucking red heart emoji.”

Oliver stood still, making no move to relinquish the remote.

“Thank god I became relevant again for ten seconds or they would have all completely forgotten about me.” She stood shaking her head at the TV, arms on her hips. 

When Oliver made no move to either give her the remote or leave, her sorrow turned to anger as she turned to him sharply, “Right. Poor little fucking Felicity. Now can you stop hovering? You’ve been at it all day. I’m not going anywhere.”

He stepped towards her until he stood close, and she suddenly remembered just how tall he was, “I’ll try my best to stop telling you what to do,” he dropped the remote into her hands, his eyes looking down into hers, “But I’m not hovering because I’m afraid of what you will do.”

He left the room with that, but she knew he was close by. 

Felicity turned the TV off after that. 

-----

At night, Felicity laid in bed remembering all of the pain the last few days had brought- literally. As soon as she lay down, she felt her throbbing shoulder from when she had jumped out of the car. Her feet slid across the sheets and she hissed at the wounds that were still healing there. Her neck was healing in that ugly brownish purple color of an old bruise. She had been instructed to treat the area with ice and heat regularly, but she couldn’t bring herself to go anywhere near it. 

She lay awake for the longest time, until the flat expanse of ceiling morphed into the popcorn ceiling of her mother's old apartment. She raised her hand to knock on the door, just under the number 407. Suddenly she found herself looking in, and her mother was beckoning her inside. She smiled wide- god how she missed her mother. But that didn’t make any sense, she was standing right in front of her, holding a bottle of wine. She looked down at it as it slipped soundlessly from her hands. Felicity rushed to grab it, but it shattered everywhere, pouring out- that's not right, pouring out blood all over the floor. It filled the room, and she found herself drowning in it. It was all her fault. She clawed at her neck, and suddenly her own hands became those of another. She looked up to see a faceless man in front of her, she tried to scream, but nothing came out as he squeezed harder and harder. 

Felicity sat bolt upright in bed, hands clawing at her neck as she gasped for air. It took her several minutes to catch her breath, shivering despite the sweat that beaded on her skin. 

Felicity had no idea what time it was without windows to let in the light of day. The clock on the nightstand said that it was past noon, but she couldn't believe it. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gotten more than a few hours of sleep. The room was too dark, it felt too much like a prison, those walls were closing in again and she suddenly felt the strong urge to get out.  

She heard voices from elsewhere in the house, and decided to follow them, throwing off the blankets as she shook off the nightmare. 

-----

“You said we would talk about it.”

“You really think now is the best time for that?”

“We’re all here, now is exactly the time! Not telling her is only making her more terrified, and we need to figure out our next move. Things are happening to her and she has no idea why. Think about how that would make you feel, John.” 

“I’m not trying to spare her feelings, Oliver. I’m trying to spare her life.” Johns voice came through no less commanding over the video call. “You’ve seen what she’s like. She’s reckless.” 

Oliver rubbed his temple with two fingers, “She’s not.” 

Sara shot him an incredulous look from across the kitchen counter, and he didn’t even want to look over to where his phone was propped up to see the look on John's face.  

“I’m sorry- are we not talking about the same person who, only yesterday, climbed out of a window to bail on an interview?” Sara quipped.

“She’s not reckless, she’s just trying to get some control back. I know you’re just trying to help, but the two of you have taken that away from her.”

John scoffed at him through the phone, “You are brand new to this situation Oliver. You weren’t there when we brought her home from the hospital a year ago, you weren’t there when she received that first letter. You didn’t have to see the look on her face.” John adjusted the phone so that he could look at him straight on. “You don’t know her, and you’re not going to tell her anything.”

“You have no idea what she’s been through Oliver,” Sara shook her head at him.  “Most people don’t, because they all left. We’re all she has now, and we’re trying our hardest to keep her alive.”

“You don’t know what this would do to her.” John added. 

“This last year has not been kind to her, she’s lost a large part of who she used to be.” Sara said sadly, “I just- I want to see things get back to how they used to be.”

Oliver listened patiently as they took their turns chastising him. He turned to John in the phone, and Sara, who stood across the counter from him. “Sure, I don’t know her.” He crossed his arms, “But I think there are a lot of things the two of you either don’t know, or are in complete denial about.”

“Like what?” Sara asked in disbelief. 

“Well for one thing, your friend has a drinking problem. It didn’t take me an entire day with her to figure that out.”

Sara made a noise of protest before John cut her off, “All the more reason not to tell her.”

Oliver rubbed his thumb and forefinger together roughly at his side, his annoyance building as Sara looked between the two of them like they were out of their minds, “John, what? Are you saying that you agree with him? Felicity doesn’t have a problem, she-”

Oliver's anger rose at Sara’s cluelessness, “The two of you have no idea what you’re doing. You have no idea what she can and can’t handle, and you have no idea how angry she’ll be with the two of you when she finds out what you haven’t been telling her.” His voice rose, “But most of all, you have no idea how much danger you’re putting her in by leaving her in the dark. I don’t care how pure your intentions are for your friend, we can sit here and talk about it all day, but I have a job to do. The second this starts to affect the way that I do my job- I’m going to tell her.”

Jon and Sara stared at Oliver in stunned silence at his outburst. 

“Tell me what?” 

Felicity was quiet as a ghost as she entered the kitchen, and about as pale as one too. Oliver and Sara turned to the door, surprise painted on their faces. Oliver noted her shivering in an oversized sweatshirt, her eyes sunken despite having slept through the morning. 

Oliver uncrossed his arms, giving Sara and John a look that handed over the responsibility for her question. 

Sara started first, after a long pause, “Felicity, are you okay? You look-”

“Don’t change the subject.”

Sara looked to John in the phone, then to Oliver, but she didn't find help in either of them.

Before the silence could go on any longer, Felicity stepped forward, her voice quavering with anger, “Stop it!” She grabbed a glass off the counter and threw it to the floor. The instant the pieces hit the floor she stepped back in shock at the sound they made, it was the same sound from her dream. She could see the wine bottle falling, falling, blood pouring out across the white kitchen tile. She stood, looking down at her hands like she couldn’t believe what they had just done. 

Sara stood stock still, just staring at the pieces of glass and the water that was now all over the floor. Oliver took a step towards Felicity and she instantly bolted.  

She made it to the front door before she remembered the intricate system of locks there. She heard him right behind her and she turned to find another exit, but she felt his hands at her back. Two hands slid down her forearms, grasping her wrists in front of her and crossing them, pulling them tightly but gently across her ribs, almost like she was hugging herself. She tried to run out of his grip but he pulled her back to his chest. 

“Don’t touch me!” She screamed.

“Calm down and I’ll let go.” He said in what he probably thought was a soothing voice, his head just next to her ear. 

“I said don’t touch me!” She continued to fight against him, which only caused her arms to be pulled tighter against herself. “Let go!”

“It’s not safe, I can’t let you run, I’m sorry.” She didn’t know how he could sound so calm when the room was closing in on them. But to his credit- he did sound sorry.

“Please.” Her voice broke. “I can’t breathe.” She stopped pulling away from him.

He felt her breaths coming in hiccups against his chest. He loosened his grip on her arms slowly, turning her around to face him. He held her by her shoulders now, only a few inches of space between them.

“It’s going to be okay, you are going to be okay.” She shook under his hands, his brow creasing with worry. “You’re shivering, why don’t we get you back in bed?”

“No, please!” The desperation straining her voice, she didn’t want to lay there any longer, remembering the images the night had put into her head. She needed to get away from them, but everywhere she turned was a locked door. “I need air, I need to get out, anywhere, I need-.” Her voice cracked.

“How about a walk.” He soothed.

Felicity’s shoulders relaxed under his hands, which he took for agreement. He kept one arm around her while he reached over her head to undo the locks, typing in a code on the keypad. His hand stilled on the last deadbolt and he looked down at her, “Felicity, you don’t know this area, so please stay with me.”

No answer. 

“Felicity?”

He pulled back to look in her eyes, which were fluttering shut as she began to slide to the floor. She had completely lost consciousness.

Last Year

August 2020

"I'm here," Sara called out as she shut the heavy door behind her with her foot, balancing two heavy bins full of mail in her arms. "I stopped by the p.o. box on my way."

She heard Felicity padding down the hallway towards her as she set the bins down on the floor. Sara hadn't seen Felicity in some time, and she wasn't exactly sure which Felicity she would get when she rounded the corner. She'd only been her manager for a few months, and strangely, she'd seen her even less of her in that time.

"Awesome." Felicity said, entering the foyer wearing a big t-shirt. She looked like she just woke up- it was three o'clock in the afternoon. "Did I get anything good?"

Sara smiled uneasily, "There's the usual amount of fan mail, some PR packages, and some paperwork from Big Belly Burger for that insta story you did for them a while back."

“Great. Probably the last check I'll be getting for a while.” Felicity shrugged.

Sara’s mouth tensed with words they both knew would be left unspoken. 

When Felicity realized they had both been standing there, just looking at each other for a moment too long, she sat down on the floor of her front room and began digging through the mail right there. 

"There's one more in my trunk, I'll be right back."

Felicity was sat in the same place, staring at some of the mail quietly when she returned. The look on her face stopped Sara in her tracks. 

"What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just, weird." Felicity said quietly. 

"Oh, sorry, I was going to offer to go through it first. You know how some of the letters can be."

"This one is just a random picture of me."

"Probably some pap trying to get a check for it."

"There's no note or anything, it's just the envelope and the picture."

Sara shrugged it off, stacking the packages as Felicity continued to open more envelopes. 

"Sara?" Felicity said, her tone of voice causing Sara to stop what she was doing.

"There's more of these. I don't remember these being taken, and some are very recent- look at this."

Sara knelt down beside her, taking the picture out of her hands. It was of Felicity from behind, she was wearing a gold mini dress and facing away from whoever was taking the picture. It was from two nights ago, she knew that because it was the first time Felicity had gone out in a while. She had gone to a private club with a few friends. 

There were no paparazzi that night, Sara had made sure of it. There wasn't even the possibility of the photo being taken by a fan with a cell phone- the club was VIP only, and you had to give up your phone at the door. 

Sara frowned, "What's the return address on these?"

"There isn't one, no postal markings either."

Sara grabbed a handful of letters from the bin that Felicity was going through, ripping them open one at a time. They were almost all identical- a long white envelope, blank except for Felicity’s P.O. box address, all filled with a random assortment of pictures of Felicity. Sara went through almost a dozen before she saw something that made her pause. 

She pulled a piece of lined paper out of one of the envelopes, going completely still as she looked over it.

All of the blood drained out of her face as she looked over at Felicity, who was still looking between the pictures with confusion painted on her face. She chose that moment to look up, and saw the fearful look on Sara’s face.

“What is it?”

Sara stood up with the letter, fully intent on getting it out of sight. “Call John."

“Sara, what is it?”

“Call. John.”

Present Day

April 2021

Felicity heard herself crying out in pain before she even became conscious that the sound was coming from herself. 

Her head throbbed in time with the beating of her heart, every muscle felt like it had been stretched to its limit, and sweat and tears had mixed together and ran down her cheeks. 

She twisted in the bed, desperate to throw off the damp sheets and get some relief, but she could barely lift her head up with the world spinning like that.

Felicity stopped when she saw two blurry Sara’s coming from across the room towards her, pulling down the sheet so that it only covered her legs. 

“Felicity?” Sara said gently. The two Sara’s merged into one as she came closer, and Felicity could see the fear in her eyes. 

“The bathroom.” Felicity rasped out.

“You need to go to the bathroom?” Sara’s brow furrowed further.

“Please- think I’m going to throw up.” 

Sara quickly crossed the room to bring her a small trash can, “Here, you shouldn’t get up.”

Felicity took it even as she continued to try and get up on her own, “Please.”

Sara watched Felicity struggle, finally giving in with a sigh. “It’s never any use arguing with you.” She banded an arm around her, surprised by how heavily Felicity leaned on her to help lift herself from the bed. 

She struggled to help her out of the room and down the hallway to the bathroom. Felicity quickly took the last few strides herself, letting the trash can fall from her arms as she collapsed on the floor and promptly retched into the toilet. 

“Felicity, are you okay?” Sara sat down on the floor behind Felicity and pulled her hair out of her face, “What is going on?”

Felicity groaned as she lay her head down on the toilet seat. She heard feet coming urgently down the hallway as her stomach started to swell again, and weakly picked her head up to vomit again. 

“A doctor is on their way.” John spoke from the doorway. His real voice, not a voice over the phone. They must have told him to come, how long had she been out? Felicity couldn’t see, but she knew they were exchanging a look. 

“Get out.” Felicity said pathetically, her cheek cradled by the toilet seat, not able to turn and address either of them. 

“You’re sick,” John stated,  “we need to-” 

“Get out.” She repeated weakly. 

“Felicity.” Sara spoke her name disapprovingly, still sitting behind her, holding her hair out of her face.

“Don’t need to see me like this.” Felicity panted heavily from the effort of speaking.

“Like what?” Sara’s voice was full of even more unasked questions.

“Get out .” Felicity finally managed to lift her head a little before it fell back down as her body retched up nothing. She clenched her fists tightly to keep from crying out at the pain that twisted her empty stomach.

Sara waited until Felicity was done before tucking her hair back once more, “Okay.” 

Felicity was surprised at her response, listening to her stand up and step away, and then the sound of the bathroom door closing behind her. 

Felicity could still hear John and Sara murmuring beyond the door as she lay there, face down in a toilet bowl, a situation she was far too familiar with. She waited until they were gone before she weakly sat up, pulled herself over to the bathtub, and allowed herself to collapse there once more. She regained her breath enough to reach up and turn on the faucet, splashing her face and rinsing the bile from her mouth. 

Panting against the edge of the porcelain tub, she reached into her bra for a green and black capsule, swallowing it down with a handful of water. 

Chapter Text

Present Day

April 2021

“I explicitly said not to leave her alone.” Oliver's voice was muffled through the door, but she could clearly hear his feet stomping down the hallway. 

He burst through the bathroom door, “Felic-”

His eyes first went to where he had been told she was curled up on the bathroom floor, but instead he found her in front of the sink, clear eyes blinking back at him in the mirror. 

“Do we need to have a talk about knocking?”

The sink faucet squeaked as she turned it off, smoothing her hair down before finally turning around to look at him as she dried her hands on a towel.

Oliver swallowed his surprise to see her standing upright, the dark circles faded. “You threw up?”, he wouldn’t have believed it if not for Sara telling him that it had just happened.

Felicity had begun crying out soon after he had carried her to her room. She didn’t regain consciousness even as she began thrashing around in pain. She’d said things in her sleep, words and memories he was sure were linked to the pain she carried around with her. He couldn’t watch after a while, it didn’t feel right. 

They’d all decided together that they couldn’t take her to a hospital. The entire city was practically on a paparazzi manhunt for the young starlet- so Oliver called the one person he knew would know what to do. Even so, he had to keep their heads above the rising water of helplessness as Felicity’s cries grew more desperate and her fever climbed. 

“I feel much better now.” She smiled at him robotically, and he squinted at her. He wanted to argue, but besides for her red rimmed eyes, her coloring was already much better. 

He reached out to her with the back of his hand towards her, and then paused, “May I?”.

She snorted, “Why not? You’ve certainly felt free to manhandle before now.”

His brows pinched together uncomfortably, “Felicity.”

She shrugged, trying not to think about the way he enunciated each syllable of her name as she warily gave him the go ahead. 

He took a step closer to feel her temperature, his rough knuckles brushing across her forehead as she blinked up at him, watching the corners of his mouth turn down and the lines in his forehead deepen in confusion. He pulled his hand away, muttering to himself, “Fever must have broken.”

“Am I free to go now?” Felicity took a deep breath and a step back. 

“The doctor is still going to take a look at you. Do you know what happened?” 

“I don’t know, food poisoning, stress?” She rolled her eyes as she pushed past him, “Stress, most likely. You’re all stressing me out.”

She walked down the hallway and into the living room, and got to see Sara’s eyes almost bug out of her head. John had always been harder to read, but she could see his surprise nonetheless. 

They were both standing on either side of a woman Felicity had not seen before, presumably the aforementioned doctor. She had dark hair, cut bluntly at her shoulders, and she was wearing a tight smile on her face. 

“You look like you’re feeling much better.” John said with raised eyebrows, filling the silence while allowing Sara to pick her jaw up off the floor. 

“Yeah, you know how sometimes you just really need to throw up and get it out of your system?” Felicity shrugged. 

Oliver entered the living room behind her and went to take the woman's hand. “You weren’t followed?” 

“I made sure of it.” She spoke with a soft accent. Oliver breathed a sigh of relief, withdrawing from them as he nodded for John and Sara to follow him. 

The woman turned and extended her hand to Felicity as the others filed out of the room, “I’m Tatsu. Oliver asked me to see you.” 

Felicity took the hand and smiled cautiously in return. 

Eleven Years Ago

2010

The arid air burned his lungs as he breathed deeply, the dryness of it rasping over his throat. The sun was high in the sky, covered by such a thick haze of dust you could look at it directly. He squinted up at it, and then back down at his standard issue desert tan boots blending in with the sand. It had to be about one o’clock, but he’d been on watch for so long it felt like it should be later. 

A bead of sweat dripped down his brow but he didn’t move to wipe it away, choosing to stay still with his weapon held firmly in front of him. They’d been on a rotating watch for days, with barely any movement from the other side. But they would continue the watch, patiently waiting for the right time to strike while they continued to collect information. 

He heard the sand crunch behind him as a member of his team sidled up beside him. The watch was changing, but there would be no rest for him today. He was simply moving on to his next assignment.

He returned to his tent, having been assigned a bed with another squad. The other soldiers were amused by the lack of special treatment, but Oliver knew that he had a job to do.

He sat down on the bed, checking his surroundings as he reached underneath under the guise of lacing his boots. He began pulling out a box when he heard the tent flap being opened. 

His target walked through- a well built man, but several inches shorter than himself, and a staff sergeant by the looks of his insignia. “Finally get to meet my bunkmate. I was starting to think you guys were an urban legend.”

Oliver grunted in reply, pretending to finish off lacing his boots.

“You got a name?” the man continued. 

Oliver stood, finally looking at him, “Queen.”, and watched the man raise an eyebrow at his lack of rank. 

The Sergeant held out a hand and Oliver met it in a firm grasp, “Diggle.” He dropped his hand. 

“Sergeant Andrew Diggle.”

Present Day

April 2021

“She is stubborn.” Tatsu pronounced as Oliver walked her to her car. “Like someone else I know.”

The corner of Oliver's mouth turned up slightly, even as his eyes scanned the streets around them. “Will she be alright?”

“It was like you said, she has no fever, and no remaining signs of illness. I can hardly believe she was as sick as you say.” Oliver shook his head, just as perplexed as Tatsu, “She barely allowed me to touch her, she refused any kind of test other than vitals. She told me she is not using and has not drank since you all arrived here. I’m not sure whether to believe her or not without tests, but for now- with you keeping an eye on her, I believe she will be alright.”

Oliver rubbed at the scruff on the side of his face, “I’m told that she has been through a lot.”

“Yes, but I can sense that she is strong. Her spirit will settle- like yours did.”

Oliver looked off to the side as they continued down the sidewalk, “John told me that she has had- panic attacks,” He faltered, “but this seemed- she really seemed sick .”

“Sometimes, a sickness in our minds can manifest itself physically.”

Oliver nodded solemnly, knowing the truth of her words all too well. They walked the rest of the way in silence, his thumb and forefinger rubbing together restlessly as he thought. 

“Oliver,” She broke the silence, “There is a darkness- too many secrets surround her.”

His shoulders slumped, “It's not how I wanted to do things, everyone seems to think that secrets will keep her safe."

Tatsu turned to him as they reached her car. “Can we talk about why you really asked me to come here?” 

She surprised him with the question, and he stilled, considering how to answer.

She continued, “I was able to take a few strands of hair. Do you want me to go ahead with a test?”

Oliver swallowed around the uncomfortable bubble of guilt in his throat. He looked down at his shoes, “I’m not sure, I do- I-”

He hesitated, glancing up and down the street, “I want to be sure, but I don’t want to be another person keeping secrets from her.”

“Then when we get confirmation, you tell her.”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea anymore.”

“The darkness I mentioned- the secrets.” Tatsu shook her head, “The most dangerous secrets," Tatsu glanced back at the safehouse behind them, "they are her own.”

She paused solemnly. "I hope you are being cautious."

Oliver's brow furrowed, it was something he hoped for himself as well. 

---

Felicity sat with her knees to her chest on the couch, exactly the way she had as Tatsu examined her. John had entered the living room when the woman had gone, and was pretending to type something on his laptop while he casually assaulted Felicity with a barrage of questions, which she just as casually avoided.

During a break in his line of questioning, Felicity studied him for a moment before breaking the silence with a question of her own.

“How did you meet Oliver?”

John looked up at her with one raised eyebrow at the seemingly random question, “Afghanistan. I told you that already.”

“Yes, but, how well do you know him? Did you just see him around or were you guys like- war buddies?”

“War buddies?” both of John's eyebrows shot up now. 

“Whatever. Just answer the question.” She smiled at him, her chin resting atop her knees. 

“It was years ago, Felicity.” John shook his head absently.

“I want to know,” Felicity persisted, “please?”

John looked at her for a moment before putting the laptop down on the coffee table, his amused expression changing to a heavy one. The same expression he wore when he talked about his many tours of duty. 

“He was- well he was someone you knew of , not someone you knew. He was attached to my company, but in a different platoon. They were only stationed at the front lines with us for a couple of months, but his reputation preceded him.”

Felicity waited, but John did not continue as she expected him to.

“What reputation was that?” She tilted her head to the side curiously.

John blew a breath out of his mouth before answering, “It was never spoken about amongst the other NCO’s, we were never handed down any official information about it. We didn’t speak freely the way the privates would sometimes, but I would hear my men talking. Queen was part of a special unit- they didn’t have any official ranking, and their insignia was blank. The privates called them ‘nobodies’ as a joke because despite all the fuss and secrecy, they still ate in the mess hall and slept in the tents with us. I don’t know much else, all I knew was that they would move in, things would get done, and then they would be gone. Moved on to the next mission.”

Felicity chewed at a nail as she listened, “What do you mean by that? ‘Things would get done’?”

John clasped his hands together as he chose his words, “Obstacles were removed. Defenses that had taken us months to chip away at would no longer be a problem in a matter of days.” He sighed heavily. “People would die.”

“Oh.” Felicity bit her lip, measuring this new information.

“He actually shared a bunk with my-” John paused, took a breath, and picked up his laptop again. Felicity might have thought he was hiding behind it if she didn’t know how fearless he was. 

“He shared a bunk with my brother. For a while.” 

It took actual effort for Felicity to keep her jaw from dropping and her eyes from bugging out of her head. She knew that John had a brother, that he was gone- but that was about it. John never spoke on it. 

Felicity finally sat up straight so that she could reach for John. His eyes flitted to the side, briefly,  “He-”

They were both cut off by the sound of the security alarm chiming to indicate the front door had been opened, Felicity could see Oliver step inside and press a code into the keypad from where she sat. Someone followed behind him, though, and her spine went rigid as a red hoodie came into view. 

Roy was carrying a duffle bag, which he promptly and loudly dropped at the sight of John's tense figure standing up from the couch to meet him. 

Roy looked to Sara, who had appeared from the hallway, “You said he wasn’t here.”

“He wasn’t here when I called you.” She went to stand by John, placing a stilling hand on his arm despite some of the tension being directed towards her. 

Oliver's eyes roved between the three of them, “Is there a problem? Sara informed me that Mr. Harper would be coming by to drop off some things for Felicity.”

Roy answered before anyone else got the chance, “I was just doing this as a favor, I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Roy, wait.” Felicity cried.

“Yeah, wait, you still owe me that explanation.” John folded his arms, his gaze hard.

“Roy doesn’t owe you anything.” Felicity stood up to catch John's eye. 

Roy shook his head, retreating towards the door, “It’s fine, Felicity. I got you some things from your house that survived the fire, I was just doing one last favor.”

“What do you mean?” Her voice begged him to stay as she came around the couch. “ Last favor?”

Roy's hand stilled on the doorknob. “Felicity-” he faltered, “I don’t work for you anymore.”

"You what?" John and Sara questioned at the same time, their heads swiveling to Felicity. 

"Don't bother, she probably doesn't remember." He answered, the sting of his words taking her breath away. 

"I wish that I didn’t," she insisted, stepping closer, "what I said to you was awful and I'm so- so sorry. I was an idiot, but I didn't fire you, Roy." Her cheeks flushed, feeling the weight of everyone's gaze.

Roy's hand fell from the doorknob as he backed away from her, but there was nowhere left to go. "Right. You didn’t fire me, I quit." 

Felicity's lips parted, the full memory finally crashing back down on her head.

"Look around you, Fel, I'm no help.” His eyes darted away from hers, “Look at what's happened to you." 

"Nothing that has happened to me is your fault." She insisted.. 

"It's not about fault, Felicity. When I needed help, you got help for me. And now that you need it, you won't take it- I just- I can’t be around you anymore." He finished quietly, his shoulders slumped. He looked her right in the eye, and what she saw there cut her deeply, "You need help, Felicity." He said candidly.

She crumpled as if she had been punched in the gut, wrapping her arms around herself to keep from falling. 

"I'm trying." Her voice was barely a whisper. 

Tears clouded her vision so that she could barely see him open the door and slip out. By the time she turned around to face the others, she had managed to blink the tears away.

“Felicity-” John started, but it was Oliver who cut him off. Felicity had almost forgotten that he was in the room.

“Let’s give each other some space. It’s been a long day.”

“No.” John said firmly. “I’ve put this off long enough. We need to talk about what is going on with you, Felicity.”

Felicity’s arms tightened around herself. She felt raw, exposed.

Sara looked between John and Felicity, “John, I don’t think-”

“There’s never going to be a right time. We’re your friends, Felicity. We’re concerned about you.”

Felicity shook her head slowly, her sorrowful expression turning angry. “Then why are you lying to me?” She said steadily.

John shifted on his feet, extending a defensive hand, “We haven’t lied about anything.” 

Felicity knew that he was trying to speak to her in what he thought was a soothing voice, but she wasn’t a cornered animal, and she didn’t want soothing. 

Felicity’s anger boiled over, “Omitting the truth is the same goddamn thing as lying, John Diggle.”

John's hackles rose as he shouted right back at her, “And just what have you been omitting, Felicity?” 

Felicity’s mouth fell open, shocked by her own ability to chip away even slightly at Johns normally calm-in-the-storm demeanor. The dam broke and all three of them began shouting at each other. 

“We wouldn’t have to hide things from you if you would just let us in-”

“Don’t bring me into this-” Sara chimed in.

“I don’t owe either of you shit!” Felicity gesticulated angrily, but found that one of her arms was being held by Oliver's much larger one.

He spoke through their continued shouting, “We’re going”, he pronounced, and gently pulled her out the door.

------

Felicity sped down the twists and turns of the empty back roads in the black SUV with the windows open, letting the wind tangle her hair into knots. It felt good to be at the wheel, even if they drove in silence. 

Felicity didn’t even have to argue with him about driving- as she hopped into the driver's seat so quickly he was lucky to have even made it into the car with her. He was even nice enough to stay quiet about the break-neck speed with which she was rounding some of the unfamiliar corners.

She spared him a sideways glance as she fished into her pocket for a cigarette, only for Oliver to pluck it right out of her mouth as she felt around the dash for a lighter. 

“Asshole.” She said, point blank- the first word out of her mouth since they’d gotten into the car.

“Right-” He paused, flicking the cigarette out of an open window without even looking. “back at you.”

Felicity’s head snapped over, ready to unleash on him, when she saw the look on his face. He had one arm propped up in the window as he watched the road, face completely blank as usual, except for the slight upturn at one corner of his mouth.

Felicity snorted, surprising herself as a smile took over her face. Turning back to watch the road, she blew out a breath and the light moment was gone. 

“I miss my Ferrari. I’m tired of being chauffeured around in this brick.”

No answer.

“So, what exactly is your deal?” 

Oliver’s fingers tapped against the door his arm rested on, “My deal?”

“Yeah, I mean you’ve gotten to see pretty much the full on bat-shit craziness of my life unleashed these past few days. It’s only fair that I know a little bit about you.” She shrugged.

“I thought the internet already told you what you wanted to know. What was it you said- you don’t need to know me to know that you don’t like me?” Oliver spoke facing the open window. 

“I still don’t like you-” She deadpanned, “just… humor me, I’m sure you’ve got some stories.” 

When Oliver stayed silent for a moment, she took her eyes off the road to look at him, “I need a distraction, and you just threw mine out the window.”

“Couldn’t you maybe just focus on driving?” Oliver answered, giving her a weary look.

She made a show of turning her head back to the road in front of her, slowing down a mile per hour or two. She didn’t turn back when she said lowly, “Please.”

Despite himself, there was something genuine in her voice that made him want to answer, “What do you want to know?”

He watched as mischief lit up her eyes again, and she chewed her lip as she thought, “Who was your last client?”

Oliver looked at her in feigned disappointment, “You have to ask me something I can actually answer.”

Felicity rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, I'm sure you've swapped stories before- like you’re not gonna tell your other bodyguard buddies that you saw Felicity Smoak jump out of a window. Who was your last client, and why did they need babysitting?”

“I’ll tell you what, for every NDA that I break, you have to answer a question of mine.” He bargained with her, fully expecting her disagreement. “Besides, I didn’t actually get to see you jump out of that window.”

“That’s… not how this works.” She frowned at him.

“Fine. Then you don’t get to know which Forbes 30 under 30 member I took a bullet for.” 

Felicity’s eyes went wide, forgetting the road again, “Ted Kord? No wait, Max Fuller. ”

“Not telling.” He replied, his face cracking with a small smile that relished her curiosity. 

“Alright, alright.” She relented, “You can ask me questions, but I have stipulations.” Her brow furrowed, wondering what he would want to know. Oliver began to speak before she could think on it any further. 

“My client before you was the CEO of a company you’ve probably never heard of. He hired me because he had just cut his son off financially, and he was afraid of retaliation. That’s kind of become my MO, people hire me when there’s a situation .”

Felicity stared at him, and he glanced over at her when she said nothing in reply. “You know there’s a stop sign coming up.” He pointed. Felicity braked hard and fast.

“That’s it? Talk about anticlimactic.” She badgered as he braced himself against the seat. “That shouldn’t even count as a question answered because that was so lame. Come on, I was promised war stories!”

He looked over at her, waiting for her to finish before conceding, “Apparently, the son is a big deal around here- you might even know him.”

Felicity’s head tilted to the side, racking her brain.

“And he was a childhood friend of mine.”

“Ooh, juicy- okay, now we’re getting somewhere. What’s his name? Did he confront you? Was he so pissed?” 

“Nope,” He drawled out, glancing at her,  “your turn.”

Felicity groaned and revved the engine, “buzzkill.”

With her eyes focused back on the road, Oliver watched her as he took his time in asking his question. “Why did Roy quit?”

Felicity’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel, all prior distraction from reality now thrown out the window. She sped up, feeling his gaze on her in a way she couldn’t shake off. The wind was now blowing her hair everywhere so she reached down to roll up the windows. In an instant, the car was silent. 

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, and the voice that he heard answering him was distant. 

“I threw a housewarming party.” She said, surprising herself with honesty. She was feeling freshly vulnerable from the fight, and found that words were tumbling out easily. “John spent months convincing me to move. I had finally gotten a place of my own after bouncing around different furnished apartments that management would stick me in. I finally had a place that felt somewhat like a home, and then- someone put my address on the internet. I would take it down and the next day it would be back up again. People would show up to my house in droves at all hours of the day and night. It got really bad, someone threw a rock through my bedroom window one night.” She stopped to swallow around the lump in her throat. “After that, I just picked the next listing in a private community that John sent me. In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t get attached to that place, considering it’s been burnt to a crisp.” Felicity paused, shaking her head at that reality.

“Well anyway, I think it’s been well established that I had a mindfuck of a year in 2020. I met Roy before all that- you said you ran a background check, so you probably know that story. He tried to steal my purse and I offered him a job, basically- John loves that story.” She paused, rolling her eyes, “I got the charges dropped, I helped him get clean, flash forward and I’m co-signing his first lease, and then-” her voice caught, “and then things changed. And I couldn't be that person for him anymore” She set her jaw, her eyes hard as she pretended to read street names.

Oliver gave her time, finding himself sympathizing with Roy in how difficult it was to reconcile this woman he had met with the one he had read so much about. She said that things had changed, and he was still finding out how true that was.

“This housewarming party,” Oliver asked, “this was the night before you were attacked?”

Felicity nodded her head, having collected herself enough to glance at him, “We had an argument just before- I hadn’t thrown a big party like that since before the letters started, and Roy didn’t like it. He knew… He knew what kind of things would be going on at my house that night, and I knew it was wrong of me to put him in that position, but I-” She stopped, when Oliver looked over, she was shaking her head. She was deep in thought. 

“I put him through that, I pushed at his boundaries until he quit, and now he feels like he’s responsible for the attack because he wasn't there- and so does John. He never trusted Roy from the beginning, and now this-” 

"So there. You have your answer." Felicity said hotly, suddenly feeling a burning resentment for how much she had just given him. 

Felicity turned to face Oliver for a moment, her eyes darting between the road and him, "You said that I must be blind if I don't know how much danger I'm in. But, to be honest-" Felicity huffed in frustration, "I really don't know. I don't know anything, Oliver. I don't know any more than I've read on the cover of the tabloids, and you have no idea how fucking frustrating that is."

Oliver's eyes didn't leave the road, and his fingers took up their damnable tapping again, "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Tell me why my friends are lying to me." She replied flatly. 

Oliver sighed, scrubbing a rough hand over his face. 

"They have the best intentions when it comes to you, you know." He said, glancing at her. 

"Fuck their intentions." Her voice was cold. 

"Listen, Felicity, I'm on your side here. I have a job to do, I'm here to protect you. I can't exactly do that if you're being kept in the dark about why you need protection."

"So why don't you tell me?" She asked, but Oliver went silent.

She huffed in frustration, looking over to find him staring into the side view mirror. “We passed that van two miles back.” He murmured.

"You-" She started, but Oliver held out a hand to silence her. "Get down in your seat." he commanded, his voice ice cold. 

"What?" She watched as Oliver turned around in his seat to look out the back. "I’m driving!"

“I don’t want them to see you.” He reached over to get a grip on the steering wheel, his eyes suddenly level with hers, “Get. Down.” His voice was husky through gritted teeth. 

She swallowed hard, “Are we being followed?”

"I don't know, Felicity." His voice was hard with impatience.

Felicity slipped down in her seat, motivated by the urgency in his tone. Her foot pushed at the gas pedal.

“Don’t speed up.” 

She glared at him, feeling helpless and blind in the driver's seat as he navigated the twisting suburb. 

“Don’t want them to know I’m on to them.” He said curtly, his face close to hers. 

He made a sharp turn down the next road they came upon, and while Felicity couldn’t see over the dashboard or in the rearview mirror, she could tell exactly when the van turned down their same road just by the knot in Oliver's brow. 

“What are they doing?” She whispered as he continued glancing behind them. 

Oliver guided them down yet another road, the unassuming blue van still making the turn with them. Movement from the car behind them suddenly caught his eye- the sun glinting off cold metal. 

“Felicity, step on it- now!”

Chapter Text

Present Day

April 2021

“No answer.”

“Again! Call again.”

“It’s been hours, Sara. We need to call the police.”

“Oh right, because they’ve been such a help so far.” Sara directed her annoyance at John, “Why are you assuming something bad has happened? What if she just didn’t want to come back here?” Sara gestured around to the safehouse. 

“Oliver would have at least let us know." He shook his head, "What do you suggest we do?” John stared Sara down, the two still heated from their previous argument, despite the long hours that had passed. 

A phone ringing interrupted the staredown, and both of them looked around for the source. John followed the sound into the kitchen, taking the landline he hadn’t noticed before off its hook. 

There was no greeting from the other end, and he turned to shrug at Sara who had followed him into the kitchen. “Who is this?” He finally said.

“John?” He finally heard Oliver's voice on the other end, “What was the last thing I said to you in the desert?”

A shock ran through John as the memory came upon him like a splash of cold water. He knew the answer, but it took him a moment to reply, “You said- ‘sorry for your loss’.” John looked down. 

“Good,” The line was silent for a moment, “I had to be sure it was you. I don't know if this line is secure, and I can’t be sure about the safe house anymore.” 

“Where-” John started, but Oliver never let him finish.

“We encountered some trouble, but we’re safe for now- the less you know, the better.” Oliver paused, “Please communicate this to Sara as well.”

“I will, how will we contact you?”

Sara’s brow furrowed as she listened to John's end of the conversation. 

“It’s out of your hands now, John, and it’s worse than we thought. I think that-” Oliver paused, “I think that she needs to know what’s been going on.”

The next breath that John let out was a shaky one, his feelings were mixed. He was angry that they hadn’t been able to tell her the truth earlier, that it had gotten to this point. 

“I’ll contact you when I can.” was all that Oliver said before John heard the distinct click, and then the dial tone.

“They’re in some kind of trouble, but they’re safe.” John said as he placed the phone back on the hook. His hand lingered, “He’s going to tell her.”

“Oh.” Sara lets out a breath, “Shit.” 

She leaned back into the doorframe, her head falling back with a thud, “Did we do the right thing?”

“We did what we could.” John replied.

“She’s never going to forgive us.”

John sank into a chair at the island. He watched as Sara stood upright again, eyes roving over the counter, which was covered in the paperwork she had been frantically busying herself with during their stay at the safehouse. 

She stretched her palms wide over the counter for a moment before balling them up into frustrated fists at her side.

“John?” Sara said, the note of distress in her voice alarming him as she turned around to look at him, eyes wide, “I made a big mistake.”

Eleven years ago

2010

Diggle watched as one of them crunched his way through the sand and pale dirt towards him.

He’d heard the rumblings from the privates about the unit of ‘nobodies’ that had shown up in the middle of the night a few days back. His brother Andy had told him that he was bunking with one of the men, and strangely, he had introduced himself with no title.

He had a brief moment of panic about who would be saluting to whom, until he realized with some relief that the gun he was carrying in both hands precluded him from the formality. 

The man in question nodded towards him as he approached, “Soldier.” 

John raised a brow, nodding back and introducing himself, “Sergeant Diggle.”

“Queen.” The man answered. “So there’s two Sergeant Diggles?

“I’m a staff sergeant, and don’t let him forget it.”

Queen cracked a smile at that, “Brothers?” he asked.

Diggle smiled back, “Yeah. That’s my baby brother.”

They weren’t really supposed to be talking on watch, but Diggle doubted that the few NCO’s posted on watch with them were willing to challenge a nobody's authority. 

“You got siblings?” Diggle asked.

Queen nodded, smiling even bigger. 

“Baby sister.” 

Oliver hung the phone up with a sigh, looking through the hazy glass of the ancient telephone booth. Felicity sat in the open door of the SUV with her head bent between her legs. He lingered in the booth for longer than he needed to, giving her the space to process. 

The past two hours had not been easy for her- she’d operated the car blindly for thirty terrifying minutes as the man in the passenger seat of the blue van took aim at the SUV. She’d had to trust Oliver to be her eyes until they could get away for long enough to switch seats. She’d immediately thrown herself into the backseat and he took off at breakneck speeds into the desert at the edge of Star City. As distracted as he was with making sure they couldn’t be followed any longer, he couldn’t help but worry for Felicity who had buried her face in the seat and seemingly not come up for air. She didn’t say a word to him as they pulled into the dingy gas station with seemingly the world's last working telephone booth. 

Oliver slowly made his way around the SUV, taking stock of the bullet holes that had tested the limits of the bullet proof glass. 

“I’m sorry.” Oliver said, his feet kicking up dust as he approached her. “That was difficult, and I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“It’s fine.” She said unconvincingly as she clutched at her head, trying to keep it from spinning round. “I just get car sick if I can’t see where I'm going.” 

“I called John, I let him know that you’re alright. And I have someone working on the license plate number of our tail.”

Felicity’s voice was shaky, “Who do you think it was?”

Oliver's boots crunched in the dust, and she found herself looking up from the boots to his face as the silence stretched on. He was shielding her from the sun, but she still had to squint up at him.

“I’m taking you somewhere safe, but we can’t get there tonight. We should find a place to stay.”

“Yeah, okay.” She relented, too drained to start her usual fight. She turned and climbed into the passenger seat, only to turn and see that Oliver hadn’t moved an inch.

“Uh-” Oliver hesitated, “We can’t keep driving the SUV, too many bullet holes, it will attract attention.”

“What the hell else are we gonna drive?” 

Oliver turned to look back at the gas station, where there was only one other car parked. He looked at the car, and then back at Felicity.

“What are you going to do, hotwire it?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Oliver only raised an eyebrow in reply.

“Oh my god, no, I was kidding . There has to be a rental agency, we could get John to come get us- something?”

“No rental agencies, Felicity- we’re in the desert. I can’t even tell John where we are because I have no idea who could be listening.”

“You think someone could be listening to the phones? Oliver, who in the hell-” She paused, considering all of the times he had dodged answers to her questions. She crossed her arms defensively, “You know what, nevermind.”

Oliver shifted uncomfortably, more than a little worried that all of the fight she was normally brimming with had suddenly vacated the premise. “Well-” he started, before she interrupted.

“Well if we’re trying to avoid attention the last thing we need is the police looking for us for stealing a car . I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation.”

“You know, I didn’t think you’d have this much of a problem with breaking the law.” He said with just a hint of a smile on his stupid face. 

“America’s sweetheart, remember?” She gave him her biggest, dazzling fake smile, swinging her legs down out of the passenger side.

“So I’ve been told.” Oliver grumbled as he opened the door further so she could get out, “I’ve got friends in law enforcement, we don’t have to worry about that part. As for the SUV, we’ll hide it for now and I’ll get someone to come for it later.”

“You really premeditated this whole thing, huh?” She looked at him wearily. 

His demeanor changed as he spoke in more serious tones, “We’re in real trouble here, Felicity. I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.”

She bit her lip, her feet dangling from where they hung off the seat. “Okay but, when this is all over, we’re finding the owner of the car and paying him back. Okay?”

He looked at her in what she annoyingly interpreted as surprise, “Yes, absolutely.” 

He held his hand out to help her down, she glanced at it, and then hopped out on her own. 

Eleven Years ago

2010

Something was wrong.

Andy had been acting strangely for some time now, and ignoring it wasn’t making it go away. He would disappear for long hours, and the other officers had conflicting stories of what they had sent him to do or whose command he was following. 

John had seen Andy speaking with members of other units, drawing strange symbols in the sand.

To make matters worse, Queen seemed hell bent on showing up everywhere and making sure he couldn’t get a moment alone with Andy.

Don’t get him wrong, he liked Queen. He had been assigned with him for watch duty more often than not, and they had got to talking. They weren’t friends, exactly, but he was certainly easier to pass the time than other ‘nobodies’ in his unit. 

John kicked at the tent pole, loosening the sand from his boots before pulling open the tent flap. As he did, Andy pushed off of his bunk, making for the exit quickly.

"Hey, Andy, I've been looking for you, man." John said as Andy charged past him, exiting the tent. 

John frowned and looked towards the bunk that Andy shared with Queen. The man in question stood there with his arms crossed. Diggle glanced down at that strange, blank insignia on his shoulder, and then back up at Queen’s pinched brow. 

"What did you say to him?" Diggle asked, not too kindly. 

"Nothing. But your brother had a whole lot to say to me."

"Like what?" Diggle challenged, crossing his arms to match Queen.

Queen turned, busying himself by pretending to fix the tuck of his sheets, "Why don't you ask him about it?"

"I would, but it seems like every time I get the chance, you're there breathing down our necks."

Queen sighed deeply before turning, glancing around the tent before lowering his voice.

“We can’t discuss this here.”

Diggle stepped forward, ready to argue the point before Queen stopped him, “Diggle, I’ll find you on watch duty,” 

Diggle took in the sharp look in Queen’s eye, deliberating for a moment before nodding his assent. Queen nodded back before slipping under the tent flap. 

“So is this where you bring all your girls?” Felicity said as she exited the bathroom, toweling her damp hair. 

It felt good to wash off the desert dust and grime of the day, along with all of its anxieties. Even if she had to wear the same leggings and over large t-shirt she had left the safe house in. 

“Not that I’m your girl- like, ‘your girl’, your girl. I just mean like-” Felicity noted the amused expression on Oliver's face and groaned, throwing the wet towel on the bed “Forget it.”

Oliver looked down at her socked feet, a rush of endearment going through him so acute and sweet it made his teeth hurt. 

But the feeling came and went, and he turned his back to her. He felt ridiculous, having to put his defenses up against someone whose feet were so small in those socks. 

"I know it's not what you're used to, but we’re not exactly in Star City anymore." He said.

Felicity's face fell in disgust as she sat down on the squeaky motel mattress. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" He looked up at her from where he had been peeking out the window. 

"Act like I'm some spoiled brat."

"I didn't mean-”

“You did it at the safehouse too, and I don’t get it. You’re the one who grew up eating caviar for breakfast, not me.”

Oliver's voice took on a sarcastic edge, “My apologies, you must feel right at home here, then.” he gestured around the dingy motel room- at the old-school big box tv, the two full sized mattresses with sun faded sheets, the peeling wallpaper.

In the silence that ensued, he shook his head and looked back out the window. She spoke again after several moments. 

“We lived in a motel room for a while, my mother and I. Several different motels, actually. We'd have to relocate when her checks would bounce. So yeah, this does feel pretty familiar, actually. Do all the research you want but you won’t read that in my memoir."

Oliver looked at her, waiting for the punchline, his face fell when he realized there wasn’t one. 

“Felicity, I-”

“I know, you’re sorry. You told me that already.” She blew out a breath as she flopped back onto the mattress. Spying the remote on the end table, she grabbed it and flipped on the tv.

Felicity flipped through the channels, her own face flashing across the screen more than a few times. She watched Oliver bite back a comment out of the corner of her eye, he seemed to be keeping good on his promise of not telling her what to do, despite having no other choice earlier in the day. She quickly skipped over the news channels before settling on an old black and white movie just for something to fill the silence.

“Tomorrow, we should keep moving. We lost that tail but I don’t want to make the mistake of thinking that we lost them for good.”

Felicity gave a non committal grunt in response, and he was once again surprised by her lack of fight. 

“Felicity?” Oliver's voice broke through the television noise, “I just- I thought it was just a part of your PR story- your past.”

Felicity sat up and turned towards him with interest, “Ahh, so you did do your research on me.”

“Of course, I don’t stalk just anyone to their favorite café.”

Felicity actually laughed at that, surprising herself. 

“I really did grow up poor, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s made all of this- this life-  really strange, sometimes. But here I am, back in a crappy motel room, because of-”

His look turned contemplative and she bit her tongue, waiting for him to speak first. They were both looking at each other, and for the briefest moment she imagined that the next words out of his mouth would be the answers she had been longing for. 

Instead, she felt devastated as she watched whatever glimmer of truth she had seen in his eyes get drawn away, back into some dark recess. 

They both silently grasped at the light they had seen in each others eyes, wishing to draw it back out. 

When Oliver finally did speak, his words were empty to her, “I want you to know that you have nothing to worry about. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Surprisingly it was these words that Felicity found most unsettling. This was not the first time he had been right on the edge of telling her something, and she couldn’t decide if he was a bad liar, or a very good one. The anger bubbled up inside of her but she bit her tongue, biding her time, waiting for the right moment. She flicked off the TV and turned away from him. 

"Try to get some rest, I’ll be right here." He said, wanting to mistake her sudden retreat from him for tiredness. 

Not able to see her expression, he could only hear an edge of something, maybe disappointment, that crept into her voice when she said, "Ok." before reaching up to turn off the light.

----

Felicity’s head throbbed to the beat of last night's party. Light streamed through the glass doors at the end of her room, and she cursed herself for not having the presence of mind to close the curtains the night before. She dug two fists into her eyes, rubbing them until she saw stars. Nothing could prepare her for what she saw when she opened her eyes. She blinked for a moment, spots blinking across her vision and interrupting her view of the man who happened to be standing over her bed. He was reaching for her, and he was so close she could see the lines in his palms as they came closer to her. But this time- he didn’t have the face of the man who had attacked her that day. This time, his lined face and gray hair was so familiar, but she just couldn’t place it. The answer was on the tip of her tongue just as two large hands closed over her throat, and she sat straight up in bed. 

“Felicity?” Oliver said gently as she shot up out of the bed, gasping for breath. He had been debating waking her up for several minutes as she lay strangely still, whispering and whimpering pitifully in her sleep. 

Felicity saw him standing over the bed, her hands that had been grasping at her neck immediately went up to defend herself as she scrambled away from him. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He said calmly, hands open as he backed away to give her some space, “Felicity, it’s Oliver. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He made no attempt to come closer to her as she curled up into a ball at the corner of the bed. He watched her for a moment, making sure her breaths were steady before stepping around his own bed and taking a seat by the window. He went back to watching the small space where the curtains parted, unsure of what to do. 

“Are you going to sleep?” He heard her murmur after some time, looking back to find her sitting with her knees drawn to her chest, with her hands covering her face. She was looking at his bed, still neatly made. 

“I got plenty at the safe house, I’m used to going without.” He reassured me. “You should sleep, though.” He prompted, awkwardly sidestepping what had just happened.

“Not sure that’s an option for me anymore.” She mumbled through her hands. 

Eleven Years ago

2010

The sun was going down, and the cool of the night was just beginning to settle when Queen found Diggle on their shared watch. 

Queen approached Diggle, but Diggle spoke first.

“Why were you sent here?”

Queen shook his head, thrown. “What?”

Diggle's jaw clenched as he spat the words. “What’s your mission, soldier ?”

Queen stayed quiet. 

“Why does no one in this entire company know why your unit is here? Why do I keep finding you skulking around my brother?

“That’s classified.”

John shifted, trying to keep a cool head, “I need to know what’s going on with my brother, Queen.”

Queen looked down at his boots, “I understand, I do. That’s why I agreed to speak with you.”

When he didn’t continue John stepped forward, pleading, “This isn’t like him. It’s more than the war- he’s just so angry. If there’s something going on- please, Queen, that’s my family .”

Queen ran his fingers over the short strands of his hair, ”It’s just that- there are things I really can’t tell you. There are things I don’t even know. You’re going to have to help me piece things together here.”

Diggle just looked at him, confused. 

Queen sighed, looking around- they were alone, “You can’t repeat a word of this to anyone.”

Diggle nodded hesitantly, “Yeah.”

“You have no idea what kind of trouble I would get in just for having this conversation. I need you to understand.”

Diggle nodded more confidently this time, “Yes, of course.”

Oliver chewed at his lip with uncertainty, starting a sentence he couldn’t take back. “Your brother has gotten himself into some trouble. I understand what it is to look after family, so that’s why I want to help instead of-” He couldn’t finish.

“What kind of trouble?” Diggle lowered his voice.

Queen nodded to Diggle, indicating that he should follow him as he put more distance between himself and the camp. He walked as he talked, “As you probably know, our unit gets sent anywhere there is a problem. The problem here is that certain substances have found their way into the local villages.”

Diggle stopped, “What does that have to do with the Army? What does that have to do with my brother?”

 Queen leveled Diggle with a piercing look, willing him to understand.

“No.” Diggle shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

Queen just continued to look at him. 

“The entire reason he enlisted is to get away from that shit.” Diggle threw a frustrated hand out, gesturing towards his brother, towards home, towards- “You’re telling me-” He paused, “Why are you telling me?”

Queen acknowledged the distrustful squint in Diggle's eye, “I know, these kinds of things aren’t usually dealt with this way. You’re wondering why he hasn’t been sent home, charged.”

Queen looked around again, a few stars had just begun to pierce the fabric of the dusky sky, and the nearest soldier was hundreds of feet away. They were close to the edge of the cliff their camp currently resided on. 

“This thing goes so much deeper than just your brother, and I don’t always agree with how our commanding officer has chosen to deal with things. He doesn’t understand family matters.” Queen tilted his head back to Diggle, crossing his arms, “Anyway, we’re not even sure of the exact source yet. We’re not sure yet just how high up this goes.”

Diggle shook his head some more, trying to make sense of it. “So he’s definitely part of it?”

Oliver nodded, uncrossing his arms as he looked around one last time before beginning to draw in the sand with a boot. 

Diggle’s brow pinched in confusion. 

First he drew two circles- zeroes maybe, next to each other before crossing them out with one line. Queen looked at Diggle meaningfully before swiping his boot through the whole thing and covering it up. 

Diggle's mouth was a grim line, “I’ve seen him do that.”

“It’s how they’re identifying one another.”

“It’s so stupid, of course he was going to get caught. What are they going to do to him?”

“Nothing until the investigation is done, but once it’s over... That’s why I need you to talk to him, convince him to wash his hands of all of this shit and work with me. He’s not the mastermind here, he’s just a pawn, and maybe if he comes clean now they’ll send him home.”

Diggle glared hard into the distance as Queen continued.

“He’d be facing time, a dishonorable discharge but- that’s better than the alternative.”

Diggle let out a hot breath, stalking a few paces away, “What’s the alternative?”

Queen just shook his head, turning towards camp.

“Queen. What’s the alternative?” Diggle said angrily.

Oliver kept walking. 

Oliver watched the sun dawn on another day that left Felicity in the dark. 

He had told John that he was going to tell her the truth, but found himself holding back when the chance presented itself. He’d gone over others heads in pursuit of the truth once before, and the consequences still haunted him. These thoughts continuously ran through his mind during the long night. Images came to him- John clapping his brother on the back, head thrown back in laughter, the swelter of heat as it reflected off the pale sand, the way his heart dropped into the bottom of his stomach when he realized he’d failed. 

And Felicity- it was as if she were just on the edge of something, and he wanted to wait and see if she would fall over that precipice or not before he told her. 

He finally heard Felicity stir behind him, she had been awake but unmoving since she had woken up from her nightmare. Oliver knew all too well what that was like. 

He heard the bathroom door close, only to open again moments later. He turned around to see what she was doing, and the sight of her shocked him. She was pale and shivering in yesterday's clothes, her eyes were red rimmed and wet. Even her long blonde hair lacked some of its usual shine as it fell limply over her collar bone; ash brown roots he hadn’t noticed before showing through at the top. 

“Felicity?” He questioned.

She took one look at his perturbed expression and pushed past it; rummaging through the blankets and turning out her pockets.

“What is going on?”

“Nothing is going on, I must still have food poisoning from yesterday. We left in such a hurry I didn’t bring anything with me.”

“Felicity,” Oliver stood up, “If it was just food poisoning you should be feeling better by now.”

“Oh, so you’re a doctor now?” She snapped, throwing down the blankets she had been searching under. “And do you have to say my name like that all the goddamn time? ‘Fel-ic-ity, Felicity, Felicity’ just leave me the fuck alone!”

She stormed back into the bathroom and slammed the door. He heard the lock click and groaned in annoyance, walking over to the bathroom door, he knocked lightly. “Fel-” He bit his tongue, trying not to anger her further by, god forbid, saying her name. “Please, please don’t lock the door. It’s not safe if anything were to happen to you. I'll give you space just, please, unlock the door.” He stopped, thinking about the way she had been trembling, “And tell me you’re okay.”

There was a minute of no response in which he reassured himself that there was no window in the bathroom. He imagined her desperately digging through the walls with whatever she could get her hands on, just to get away from him. Eventually, he heard the shuffling of feet, the clicking of the lock, and a muffled, not entirely believable, “I’m fine.”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He paced to the window, peeking out- everything looked fine, the parking lot was unchanged despite having stared at it all night. They truly were in the middle of nowhere. 

He paced back to the bathroom door, then back to the window, and repeated this for several minutes. He finally went back to the bathroom door, leaning an ear against it to make sure she was still alive in there. When he was satisfied, he slid his back down the door, sitting against it. The door popped open after another minute, and he had to catch himself from falling backwards into her. 

“You know, this isn’t exactly giving me space.” She frowned down at him.

He looked up at Felicity, her coloring no better for having splashed water on her face, and he didn’t miss the way her shaky hands gripped the door frame. He came back to himself and gestured, “It’s a small room.”

Felicity rolled her eyes, stepping over him. 

“You should see a doctor.” He said from the floor. 

“I humored you once, I won’t do it again.” She said, picking the scattered sheets up off the floor. When she turned to face him, her jaw set was determinately, “I’ll be fine.” She stated, nodding her head, convincing no one but herself.

Oliver squinted at her, compartmentalizing her bizarre behavior to ask, “So what’s next?”

“You don’t need to ask me that as some kind of courtesy. You probably already have the whole convoluted plan mapped out in your head.”

“And you’re okay with that?

Felicity paused, her mouth scrunching to the side as she looked off towards some point behind him, “I’ve been stuck in the city for a year, barely able to leave my house. So- yeah. Whatever. If we need to stay away for a few days I’m fine with that.” She shrugged, “So, what are we doing first?

“Could you eat?”

“Always.”

He picked himself up off the floor “Great, let’s go.” 

Chapter Text

“What?” Felicity eyed Oliver unkindly over a mouthful of waffle.

“I didn’t say anything.” He replied stoically, taking a bite out of his breakfast sandwich. 

“You don’t have to, you just keep looking at me." She shrugged, "If you want to say something, just say it.”

Oliver raised an amused eyebrow at her snark, she still had that mischievous glint in her eye despite the bags underneath them, “Alright then, I was just thinking that I don’t know you very well yet. I can’t tell if you’re feeling worse than you’re letting on, or if I did something to upset you.”

Felicity declined to look at him as she continued with her breakfast. “Let’s go with both.”

“You’re not really going to pass up the chance to let me know what I did wrong, are you?” He egged her on. 

Felicity rolled her eyes.

“Then I’ll guess- and I think I might actually know this one.”

“A man, knowing what he did wrong?" She said, still avoiding his eye. "The chances are low.“

“You’re upset with me because I haven't told you what you want to know.”

Felicity was startled by the truth of his answer, looking at him fully in the eye and hatefully so. She ground her jaw tight before she suddenly became more preoccupied than ever by her waffles. 

The look cut at Oliver, and he spent a solid minute dunking a fry into some ketchup before he started, “Felicity-”, then stopped.  “I can tell you now, if you want.”

She looked up at him again, her eyes crinkled with suspicion, “Why?”

Oliver actually laughed at that and she narrowed her eyes at him even more. 

"What?" She snapped at him.

“I say that I’ll tell you what you want to know, and now you just want to know why. It's just very typical of you.”

“What’s typical of me?”

“To be as contradictory and unpredictable as possible.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. You’re saying that it’s predictable of me to be unpredictable.”

He nodded, popping a fry into his mouth, “Exactly.”

Felicity shook her head at him in annoyance, “Right, because you know me so well.” 

Oliver studied her for a moment, the neon lighting of the diner casting long shadows across her face. She looked unwell, nearly unrecognizable from the shiny images splashed across the tv at the motel last night. When Felicity had fallen into an uneasy sleep, he'd turned the tv back on, on mute. He'd channel surfed until he came across some art house movie in which a snowy breeze blew across a dingy northeastern town in tones of blue and grey. He'd been watching for a full minute when Felicity appeared on screen, her hair shorter than it is now, and cheeks flush from the cold.

The feeling that overtook him there in that hard cushioned chair was unexpected and intense. He felt embarassed, like a voyeur. After the conversation they'd just had, it felt wrong of him to sit and watch this with her there only feet away- like he was gathering private information about her. Sure, he'd done his research on Felicity and he'd seen her face in the news plenty lately- but this just felt different. Oliver glanced between her and the picture of her on the screen, eyes darting back and forth as his heart beat hard. With great difficulty, he flicked the tv off and went back to watching the window. 

Oliver shook of the memory as Felicity held his gaze, considering, “How do you know more about what’s going on than I do?”

“I was briefed by your agency, the police, and by your friends. I know everything that they know, plus-" Oliver cringed internally, "a little of my own digging. I have my resources from working in this business for years, and I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.” He stopped to wipe at his chin before he continued, “I’ve talked to John, and I’m going against his wishes because I think there are some things you need to know so that you can take this seriously, and so that I can do my job.”

She wrinkled her nose at him, “I am taking this seriously.”

He looked at her with a straight face, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Now do you have questions for me or not?”

“So many.” She replied, swirling her food around on her plate once again. “I have so many questions I feel like they’re going to burst out of me. I can’t sleep and these questions are just swarming my mind and I can’t think straight anymore .” She snapped, stopping suddenly when she realized how loud her voice had gotten. 

Oliver glanced around them, checking in on the two other customers in the diner. It wasn’t smart to be out in public with her like this- but they were in the middle of nowhere and, unfortunately, she wasn’t looking like the glossy magazine version of herself the public were more familiar with. At this point, it was second nature for him to read a room and assess the risks, he was comfortable with that sort of thing. It was the risks he couldn’t see- the risks that Felicity carried with her, that he was more afraid of. 

Felicity started again at a near whisper, “I need this to be real.” She pleaded, “If you’re just going to bullshit me and give me half truths then I don’t want to continue this conversation.”

Oliver bit his tongue, shaking his head, “There are things that I don’t even know-” he stopped when he saw her beginning to shut down. “Felicity- please. Someone is trying to hurt you, I want to help you.”

“Why?” She asked.

“Why do I want to help you?” Oliver's brow creased, searching her face. She saw something briefly flash across his eyes- an emotion she couldn’t identify for having seen it only so briefly before he shut it down with a smirk. “Besides the paycheck?”

“No, you impossible man.” Felicity scoffed, her voice rising again, “Why do they want to hurt me?”

Oliver's eyes flashed as he spoke back to her in hushed tones, “I don’t know that- but I do know that the man who attacked you in your room- he wasn’t acting alone. He was sent by someone else.”

“And how do you know that?” She pushed.

“Because the police found a letter that day. It was the same, the same lettering with the- the symbol."

“The letters.” Felicity drew back in horror, “So I was right, they’re connected, the letters and that- that-” She swallowed hard. "It's been months since I've received one, why would that man- that night- why would he-" Felicity fought to turn her jumbled thoughts into coherent sentences, "After all this time, why now?"

One look at Oliver's face told her that she was wrong. "Oh." Her shoulders dropped. "It hasn't been months, has it?"

He shook his head silently. 

Felicity rubbed at her brow, "You said something about a symbol with the letters- what symbol?"

Oliver paused, opened his mouth to say something, and then reached for the napkin dispenser. How could they have let her be this blind? He pushed the thought aside so he could focus on the topic at hand. He took a pen out of his pocket and drew two circles, slashing them through with one straight line. He slid the napkin across the table towards her. 

Felicity stared down at the napkin, trying to remember if she'd seen this among the mess of letters and threats so many months ago. The pounding in her head was back, and she dug her fists into her eyes to try to relieve some of the pressure she felt there. “How did he die?”

Oliver frowned, “The man who attacked you?”

“Yess.” Felicity nearly hissed.

“There were synthetic drugs in his system that, well- they were making him stronger. I read John’s testimony- the man barely reacted when John hit him. Those drugs combined with the adrenaline led to tachycardia when he jumped off the balcony.” Oliver paused as Felicity winced at his blunt words.

"I don't understand, why didn't anyone tell me any of this?"

Oliver sighed, “John asked the detectives to keep the letters they found from you, and Sarah has been intercepting your mail for months.”

Felicity's face hardened with understanding, that’s why he had taken so long at the sheriff's station that day- he had a lot more to tell them than she did. She looked down at their uneaten food, not letting Oliver bear the brunt of her anger.

“I can’t tell you everyone's reasoning, Felicity, but they do care about you.”

That’s what she tried to tell herself, but it was coursing through her, the anger. She couldn’t escape from it, and most days, she tried to drown it. John and Sara had been lying to her, they knew what was going on. John was supposed to be her person- the last remaining person there for her. As for Sara- she couldn’t find it in herself to be angry at Sara, if anything she couldn’t believe she would still care enough to lie. 

She tried to push the conflicting thoughts aside to focus on the letters, but the cognitive dissonance was making her head swim. 

"So they just let me think it was just a few strange letters from a crazy fan? I told Amanda Waller that, I told her I didn't need you because the letters were just a one off thing." Felicity bit her lip, "Oh my god, does Waller know too?"

"No.” His jaw tightened, “Sara made sure of that too. Otherwise, she never would have approved of any interviews, and I would have been here months ago." He said bitterly. "As it is, you have half a house.”

He could sense the anger coursing through Felicity’s veins and tried to temper his own. He was furious that John had waited so long to tell him what he knew.

Oliver took a deep breath, “John and Sara, I can't say I know your relationship well, but I know they did what they did because they thought it would protect you. They knew you wouldn't want-" Oliver gestured around him, to himself, "this."

Felicity fixed her angry gaze on Oliver. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier, when you had the chance?”

“Ultimately, It was Sara and John’s decision to hide some of this from you, they know you far better than I do. I didn’t want to insert myself into your relationship, but I argued against it from the beginning. I originally told John that I wouldn’t even consider helping you unless he told you about the letters, that someone was actually targeting you- but then the attack happened.”

“Hold on a second,” Felicity held up a hand, “John contacted you even before-” 

Oliver reached across the table for the napkin he had drawn on, hands tightening around it as he nodded at her. 

“So they knew I was in danger and they did nothing?”

He hesitated, “Felicity- I can’t give a reason for everything that they-”

"And the other attacks?” Felicity interrupted, not wanting to hear anymore about how she had been lied to. “I read that there had been a bunch of them, on other people, other-" she cringed at the word, "celebrities."

"As far as I know they aren’t connected." Oliver shredded the napkin with deft fingers, "No letters, no pictures. If anything they just took the attention off you."

Felicity put her head down, brow creased as she worked out exactly how she had been lied to.

"You said they found another letter, the day that-" she took a breath, hating herself for not being able to say it, "Where was it? Where did they find it?"

"On the body." Oliver said before he could take a moment to be tactful.

 Pain flashed across Felicity's face, “What about at my house- when you knew something was going to happen, before the explosion?

“There was a letter. I found it when you were searching for your mothers ring. That’s when I knew something was about to go down- I didn’t know what, but I knew we had to get out of there fast.”

Felicity pushed her plate forward and rested her head in her hands. Oliver watched her, wary of what would happen next, noting that she was still pale and hadn’t eaten much. He called for the check as she continued to rub at her head. She felt so tired all of the sudden, like gravity had just started working again and was trying to pull her down to the floor. 

He noted the slump in her shoulders- “Tired?”

She nodded. "I'm tired of everyone walking around on eggshells around me." She said after a long silence.

Oliver's voice was low as he spoke carefully, "Well, have you given them reason to?" All that remained of the napkin now was tiny pieces that he continued to shred between rough fingers. Felicity watched, enrapt. 

"I'm not the same person I was. I don't know if you can be after some of the things I've seen." Her voice wavered. "Maybe I haven't handled it the best, but it doesn't help to have that constant reminder in the way that people treat me, in the way they look at me.”

She looked up to gauge his reaction, his head tilted to the side as he listened to her- no sympathy in his eyes, no pity. Just listening. 

She flexed her hands as she looked at them, "To be honest, as much of an asshole as you can be, you're one of the first people in a long time who hasn't- you don’t-” 

“I’ve lost people too.” He nodded, understanding. 

She swallowed, seeing the waitress approach with their check. She looked at him as he patted around for the pen he had just used, her head tilted to the side, eyes narrowing as pieces clicked into place. 

One Year Ago

March 2020

"When I get older, I’m gonna be rich and famous, I’m going to buy you a big mansion and a shiny new Cadillac."

Her mom had laughed when she said it- she was probably about six years old, performing for her mom in the living room.

It was something that Felicity thought about often, now that she had actually gotten rich and famous. But her mom flat out refused to leave her apartment behind no matter how many times Felicity asked. So- she finally went out and just did it. 

Felicity found her a modest place within driving distance of her mother's friends and herself, but no longer located in a neighborhood she felt weary just parking her car in. It wasn’t extreme, but it certainly was comfortable, with its own gated access- and maybe a shiny new Cadillac parked out front. All the paperwork was done and her mother couldn’t say no. She’d been dreaming of doing this for years, and she had jitters as she waited at the end of the driveway of her own relatively new place for her mother to arrive. 

Her leg shook up and down as it became five minutes until their agreed meeting time, and then it was precisely two o’clock, and then five minutes passed. Felicity glanced down at her phone, shrugging off her mother's lateness because of Star City traffic, or her mother just being her typical mother and taking too long to get ready. When it was ten minutes past, Felicity picked up her phone and dialed it, and paced as it rang and rang. She hung up before it could reach voicemail the first three times, but on the third try she left a, “Hey mom, it’s Felicity, I’m waiting at the end of my driveway for you, um, just let me know if you’re running late.”

Five more minutes passed, and she texted:

Mom, where ru? 

Thought u would be here at 2?

At half past two, Felicity finally went back inside, maybe her mom didn’t realize they were supposed to meet at her house? Maybe she got caught up finding the neighbors cat again- speaking of which, Felicity scrolled through her contacts until she found Mr. Ferdinands number. Speaking with him for only a few moments to find out that he was not home, and all he knew was that Donna was supposed to see Felicity today. 

It was now forty-five minutes past, and Felicity headed back outside and jumped in her car. She glanced over at the celebratory bottle of wine sitting in the passenger seat as she made her way towards her mothers part of town. 

She couldn’t shake the feeling in her gut that something wasn’t right. 

Present day

April 2021

“Something’s not right.” Oliver slowed down as the motel came into view.

Felicity took her feet off the dash, leaning forward to see what Oliver was talking about.

“Yeah, you missed the turn.” She watched the motel pass them on the right.

“We can’t go back there.” He said, his eyes on the road.

“I left my charger in there!” Felicity protested, holding up her phone. 

Oliver blinked- cursed himself, “The phone- the phone, goddammit.”

Before she could respond, he grabbed it out of her hand and threw it out his open window. 

"Oliver what-" Her jaw dropped as she turned around in her seat to watch the phone shatter on the asphalt behind them. "What the fuck?” she exclaimed, shoving at him.

He leaned out of her reach, "I just saw the blue van, it was headed the other way."

Felicity reached out to hit him, red-faced, "We changed cars you fucking genius, there's no way-"

Oliver ducked away from her again, “I’ve been thinking about it- there was no way they could have known the location of the safehouse. They’ve been tracking us somehow, it could have been your phone, Felicity.”

“I've got top-grade security on my phone, and just what about yours?” She challenged him with a stare. 

Oliver fished in his pocket, rising off of his seat slightly to pull his phone out, immediately tossing it out the window as well. 

“Oh my god.” She threw her hands up. 

“It was a burner, anyway.” 

“Mine wasn’t!” She yelled as she hit him again, “I had important things on there- Oliver, oh my god, we need a phone, how are we supposed to-”

“Felicity.” Oliver barked, her name ringing through the car and pulling her out of her head, “you don’t get it- someone followed us here.” Oliver's voice continued to rise, “They could've been waiting at the hotel, and if they saw us pass by they could be following us right now.”

Felicity stilled at that, digging a palm into her forehead, trying to sort through her thoughts.

Oliver's eyes flashed as her wrist moved, “Felicity, your watch.”

She put her hands down and looked up at him in confusion.

His voice was hard, “Is your watch connected to your phone?”

The color draining from her face was all the answer he needed. “Oliver- please, no.”

He reached down and pressed the button to roll down the passenger side window. Felicity flinched at the noise, glaring at him hard now “Fuck off, Oliver, I said no .”

“Now , Felicity.” 

Felicity gave him a long stare, watching the muscles in his jaw work. She finally heaved a sigh, cursing under her breath as she undid the watch from her shaking wrist.

She didn’t look at him as she let the watch fly out the window. She watched in the rearview mirror as the car in the next lane ran over it. She pressed the button to roll her window back up, then crossed her arms and sat in silence. 

Oliver let out a breath, fingers flexing around the steering wheel. Several minutes passed in which he kept up a breakneck speed down the highway. Several dangerous minutes, in which his focus on checking the rearview mirror kept him from noting Felicity’s rising terror. He only slowed down to pull off at a random exit. 

He couldn’t look at her, but if he had, he would have seen her white knuckle grip on the edge of her seat. “I shouldn’t have taken us back there. I should have thought of the phone- It’s my job to protect you and I need to do better.” she couldn't look at him either, but his voice was apologetic. 

She shook her head, “Look, I don’t know what is going on with you right now, but you do not get to take your mommy issues out on me like that.”

“Mommy issues?” Oliver finally took his eyes off the road, not checking his raised voice this time. “Did you seriously just say that I have mommy issues?”

Felicity tilted her head to stare him down, “No, you know what, Mr. Queen, you actually have lack of mommy issues. Your mother was clearly never around to teach you how to treat women.” She grumbled and turned away, trying to swallow down the panic.

Oliver ran a hand through his closely cropped hair, trying and failing to suppress an amused huff. 

Felicity’s anger was a hard edge now, “Are you seriously laughing right now?”

He quieted, shaking his head. Long moments passed before he spoke. “You just remind me of someone.”

He fingered the cool metal beads at his neck. Although the chain went down into his shirt, Felicity had seen the outline of dog tags under his crisp white shirt.  “Don’t worry, I’m taking us somewhere safe.”

Felicity let out a shaky breath as she turned towards the window, letting the hum of the car engulf them both for a few moments. She shoved her trembling hands under her thighs. 

“I need the bathroom.” She mumbled at the window.

“What?”

She turned towards him, “I said I need to go to the bathroom!”

“Now?” He blinked at her.

“Yes, now , unless there’s a bathroom I didn’t see in this car that you stole .”

“I’m sure there’s an empty bottle around here somewhere, Felicity.” That annoying smirk was back. Felicity wanted to slap it right off his stupid face.

“Oh for crying out loud, just stop somewhere, Oliver! We don’t even know if they’re following us right now, you just saw a similar car and freaked the fuck out.”

“It was the same van- same plates.” He looked over at her to fix her with a glare, only to find that she was already glaring at him. “We really shouldn’t stop right now.” 

“Pull over, or I’ll scream.”

He looked over at her, hoping for all the world she wasn’t serious. She was. Oliver sighed deeply as he began looking for a place, wondering how all the camaraderie they had built up in the diner had seemingly evaporated. “Just make it fast.”

---

"Sir, please, I need your help." Felicity slipped easily into the part of a panicked woman- her real identity hidden by a large pair of cheap gas station sunglasses and a rough night's sleep. 

The young gas station attendant's eyes went wide as he took in her frazzled appearance. "Just act like we're just having a normal conversation- my abusive ex followed me here and I need you to help me get rid of him." 

The man hesitated before nodding, faking a smile, and asking in a low voice, "Tall, scowly guy? Over by the trail mix?" 

“The very one.” She nodded gravely. 

"What do you need me to do?" 

"I need the key to your bathroom, and for you to keep him from following me there, no matter what."

"Ma'am- I'm not sure, I think we should just call the po-"

"No, please, you have no idea what he's like." Felicity threw in a little waterworks to grease his wheels, silently noting to herself that she was indeed the worst person she knew. 

The man gave her a pitiable look, immediately turning to retrieve the bathroom key. 

She took the moment to glance around at Oliver, who was currently staring a hole in the back of her head. Probably thinking to himself, "What part of 'do not talk to anyone' does this woman not understand." He was unknowingly playing the role she had cast for him perfectly. She threw him a little smile she knew would irritate the hell out of him. 

The attendant turned back around and gently slid the key across the counter. It was one of those keys you only see at a gas station in the middle of nowhere- the ones with a large random object attached with the intention of it not getting lost. This one happened to be attached to a hubcap. Granted, a hubcap for a smaller tire- but a hubcap nonetheless. Felicity could only blink at him in bewilderment before picking up the hubcap and striding as quickly as she could out the door. 

Oliver was hot on her heels- berating himself the entire time for picking the last po-dunk gas station at the edge of the desert that still had a bathroom on the outside of the building. 

"Sir?" A voice called in his periphery. 

The wind blew up her hair as she breezed through the door. He picked up his pace. 

"Sir?!" The owner of that voice stepped right in his path, the boy he had seen behind the cash register now had his arms crossed as he blocked Oliver from taking any further steps from the door. 

"You're going to need to pay for that." 

Oliver looked at the gas station attendant in confusion, “Pay for what?”

“Sir, I’ve worked here for a while now. I can spot a shoplifter the second they walk in the door.”

Oliver huffed, “I don’t have time for this.”

The boy stood his ground, sizing Oliver up, which was almost comical for how much shorter the boy was. Oliver ground his jaw as he turned his pockets out, eyes laser focused on the wisp of blonde hair now disappearing around the corner.

“I clearly don’t have anything, now if you don’t mind-”

The attendant had been watching Oliver’s eyes track across the window, “She told me aaall about you, pal.”

Oliver's eyes cut back to the attendant sharply, “Excuse me?”

“Does it make you feel like a big man, picking on little women?”

Oliver clenched his jaw so hard he was surprised nothing popped. It took him all of two seconds to figure out what was going on, barking “get out of my way.” as he pushed past the boy.

“Felicity!” He roared with deadly intensity as he burst out of the doors of the gas station. 

The boy followed behind as he prowled around the corner to where the bathrooms were. 

“Leave her alone man, I already called the police!”

Oliver whipped around on the boy with a finger in his face, “Whatever you think is happening here, she lied to you.” The boy was intimidated, but clearly not convinced.  

Oliver withdrew his finger, ready to turn and storm the women's bathroom when dread shocked his system, running cold through his blood. Over the boy's shoulder he saw a familiar blue van, parked haphazardly with the sliding door open. 

Oliver blinked and was at the door to the ladies bathroom, immediately pulling at the locked handle. He banged on the door, “Felicity, I swear to god!”

“Seriously man, you need to leave-”

Oliver's eyes were wild as he spun to the boy again, “Do you have another key?” The boys mouth hung open like a fish, “Fuck, is there a window, anything?”

Oliver's heart was beating a thousand miles a minute as he turned away from the bathroom door, running around the next corner of the gas station, looking for a way in.

What he saw around the corner had him frozen in his tracks. It was a single shoe- a plain black sneaker. Oliver remembered Felicity slipping them on in the hotel room. His eyes shot up, looking around the dense desert foliage that surrounded the gas station. 

Two armed men were several hundred feet out into the desert, with Felicity putting up a fight between them. He watched as she brandished the sturdy hub-cab key against them, knocking one in the head with a sickening thud. 

He was halfway to them when Felicity turned to defend herself from the second man who used the advantage of surprise to backhand Felicity across the face, causing her to stumble and fall hard to the desert floor. 

Oliver was on them in a moment, dispatching the man who had just hit Felicity by defly grabbing his holstered gun from behind and kicking him squarely in the back. He turned to the other man who was just recovering from Felicity’s blow with the hub-cap, disarming him as well before throwing him back down into the dirt where he lay still. 

Oliver released the magazines from both pistols, pocketing the ammo before throwing the guns further out into the desert. He aimed his own weapon at the two, one writhing on the ground in pain and the other unmoving, likely thanks to being knocked down twice. Oliver watched them as he backed up slowly, crouching to check on an unmoving Felicity.

He held two fingers to her neck, confirming she was alive, but out cold. He kept one hand on his weapon as he used the other to scoop her into a sitting position, eyes going wide with alarm as her head lolled back and a trickle of blood flowed from a wound on her head. 

He had no choice but to ease her over his shoulder so that he could continue to train his weapon on the men. The man who was still conscious had risen to his knees, a manic grin on his face.

Oliver pointed his weapon directly at him, “Who do you work for?”

“We work for nobody.” he laughed wildly.

“What do you want with her?” Oliver shouted, feeling crazed. 

The man just continued to laugh, staring strangely at Oliver’s shoulder, “You’d better get her out of here before she bleeds out on you.”

Oliver glanced down to see that the wound from her head had begun to pool blood on his shirt. He would have to leave these men here although everything in him raged against it. 

“He wouldn’t be very happy if she died out here.” The man was still chuckling as he began to rise to his feet. 

“ Who ?” Oliver raged.

The man only laughed harder.

Oliver silenced him with a therapeutic kick to the head. 

Chapter Text

Oliver once again found himself driving at a breakneck speed, his heart beating out of his chest and his thoughts a twisted mess. He glanced over at Felicity in the passenger seat for the thousandth time, calming himself with the knowledge that she was breathing, and the bleeding had stopped. He’d had to tear off the bottom of his shirt to quickly bandage her head as he buckled her into her seat. It was a small wound, but deep- she was going to need stitches. Tatsu wouldn’t be able to make it until later that night. 

He felt wild as he swallowed down the rising panic. He had been in a thousand more terrifying situations, but he couldn’t keep his thoughts straight now when he needed to most- and that scared him more than anything. He ran through a thousand different situations, helpful and unhelpful- what if they were being followed again, what if Felicity didn’t wake up, what if he hadn’t gotten to her in time, what if they hadn’t stopped at that gas station, what if, what if, what if. 

The exit sign came into view and shocked him back into the present, he couldn’t believe they were almost there already. 

Felicity chose that moment to wake up with a gasp, immediately pulling at the door handle hard enough to break it off. 

“Felicity.” Oliver sighed in relief. 

She turned to him with unshed tears shimmering in her eyes and an expression on her face he desperately wished he could unsee as she continued to grasp at the door handle. 

“Felicity? What are you doing?”

Hatred simmered in his stomach- hatred for himself. How could he be so stupid? He had been so busy dealing with what had just happened that he never stopped to consider why she had run away from him in the first place. 

She was afraid. Of him. 

He recalled the way he had raised his voice at her and wanted to throw up.

“Felicity.” He said again, much gentler.

“Let me go.” She whispered fiercely. 

“I’m not with them, Felicity. I’m not going to hurt you.” A trembling edge crept into his voice.

“You brought us here. You threw my phone out the window, you made me throw my watch out- I have no way to communicate with anybody. How do I know you’re not with them? How do I know you don’t want to hurt me? How do I know you didn’t lead those men right to me?” She backed into her seat as far as the cramped space would allow. She reminded him of a hunted animal. “I don’t even know you.” Her voice broke, he wanted to scream.

“I haven’t-” Oliver wiped his face with a rough palm, “I haven’t been thinking clearly, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made you believe I was untrustworthy.”

He took his eyes off the road to look at her for just a moment, opening himself up to her scrutiny. 

Felicity looked at him, really looked at him. The heavy slant to his brow, his crumpled hair- he was tired. But more than that, there was something wild to it, he looked hunted. 

“I’m not with them, and I would never hurt you.” he repeated, looking earnestly at her again. She had relaxed somewhat- seeing something genuine in his expression that took the edge off. “I have no idea where those men came from, but I’m getting us somewhere safe. That’s not going to happen again.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” She mused, reaching up to touch the fabric of his shirt he had wrapped around her head.

“You’ll have to-” he sighed, frustrated with himself. “You’ll have to let me show you.”

One Year Ago

March 2020

Felicity called her mother several more times as she waded through Star City traffic, and they all went unanswered. 

She finally pulled up to the crumbling brick apartment building, thinking how glad she was that her mother wouldn’t have to live here much longer. She cursed herself for letting Roy have the day off as she circled the block for parking. 

She trudged up several flights of stairs, the wooden steps groaning in protest. 

She finally reached her mother's door, number 407, raising her hand to knock when she realized the door was already open a crack. 

“Mom?” She called out, pushing the door open slightly.

The first thing she saw was a lamp, shattered on the floor in front of the door.

Looking up, she realized the entire apartment had been trashed.

“Mom?” Felicity screamed, looking around the apartment at torn up and broken furniture, searching for her mother in the mess.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket, hands shaking as she scrolled to find John’s number.

“Mom, are you here?” She called out, stepping forward into the apartment as her phone continued to ring John.

What she saw as she continued to step towards the kitchen had her frozen, jerking back at a loud crashing sound. She looked down to see that the bottle of wine had slipped from her fingers, the glass scattering everywhere. The deep red merlot pooled at her feet, joining with deep red blood. 

There was blood everywhere. 

It was all my fault.

It was all my fault.

Felicity flinched away as an arm gently touched her shoulder. “Felicity, wake up.”

She gasped for air, hitting her wounded head on the car window as she backed away. Pain exploded behind her eyes and she shut them tightly. 

“It’s just me, it’s me.” the voice said. 

Oliver's face came into view as she held her aching head. He was frowning- well, more than was normal for him.

“What?” She said curtly as he continued to frown at her. 

“I tried to keep you from falling asleep again. You hit your head pretty hard on a rock and-” He paused, hesitating as he examined the dried blood on her forehead, “What’s your fault?”

“What?” She said again, just as unkindly. She wasn’t going to be quick to forget that he had seen her with tears shining in her eyes. 

“You said-” He paused, “Nevermind. We’re here.”

Felicity looked out the window, speechless at what she saw. She opened the door, cautiously stepping out, looking up at the huge stone mansion.

“Where exactly is ‘here’?”

They were home- well, as close to it as he had ever had. 

They stood in the gravel driveway, the dry air swirling through the open space. The sun was just beginning to go down on this shit-fest of a day. 

She leaned into the car door as she looked up, up as the house stretched on. “Another safehouse.” Oliver said- which was somewhat the truth. He watched her carefully from where he stood in the open door on his side of the car. “We’re on the outskirts of Star City now.”

“Oh.” was all she said in reply as she continued to take in the behemoth of a house. Castle would be a more accurate word to describe it- it was made from stone and complete with towers at both ends of the giant entryway. The entire thing was surrounded by a large wall, carved ornately from stone- but a wall nonetheless.

He saw her eyes going to the wall, to the large metal security gate. “Security here is tight, even if we were tracked here, there’s no way anyone is getting in. And Felicity-?”

Her eyes swept from the stone wall to the expanse of garden at the center of the driveway, back to the house, and finally, rested on him. 

“I want you to know you are safe.” His expression was careful. “John is coming to see you. Sara or Roy could come too, if you want.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, suddenly realizing she wasn’t even sure she could trust the shortlist of people who she once considered home- the only people Oliver could summon up to make her trust him. 

“Am I free to leave?”

Oliver hesitated, “Yes, of course- I just, I don’t think that would be a good idea right now. And I would have to come with you-” 

Felicity turned and walked away from him.

He followed close behind, “Felicity- please.”

She whirled around on him, her face stormy as she pointed a finger at him, “Don’t you ever, ever-” she had to stop, her anger making her breathless. His face went blank with shock. 

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me again.” She closed her trembling finger into a fist and lowered it. ”And don’t you dare tell me what to do anymore. I’ve been telling you and telling you to stop doing that and you just won’t listen. You forced me to throw my watch out the window- we were hours outside of Star City, in the middle of the desert, and that watch was the only way I had of communicating with anybody. You yelled at me, and you told me what to do, and I felt so fucking unsafe in that moment, you terrified me, Oliver.”

Oliver stood stock still as he listened, his face twisted with shame, “I’m so-”

“I don’t want to hear it..” She snapped, holding her hand to the aching wound in her head and turning from him.

“Okay, Felicity.”, he said slowly, finally unfreezing to head towards the entryway. 

He held one of the heavy wooden doors open for her and she walked into the open foyer. She wrapped her arms around herself as she looked around, and he noticed the goosebumps prickling her arms. He stepped into the house behind her- it wasn’t cold inside. 

Her muscles visibly locked up as footsteps echoed from down the hall, and she looked to him with wide eyes. 

“It’s okay.” He said quietly as he walked towards the source of the noise. 

“Mr. Oliver!” Raisa exclaimed as she turned the corner. 

Oliver couldn’t help but smile as she pulled him into a hug. 

“I had no idea you would be here, I would have-”

“It’s alright, Raisa. It's good to see you.”

She withdrew from the hug, still holding on to him at an arm's length, “Nonsense, it’s not alright! You couldn’t have called to let me know?”

“Uh, not exactly, no.” He stepped back to catch a glimpse of the glare he knew he would see on Felicity’s face. “I brought a guest.”

“I see, a beautiful one, at that.” Raisa smiled warmly.

Despite herself, Felicity couldn’t stop the hot flush blooming across her face. 

She was more than aware of how she looked- pale, sleepless, shivering, in the same clothes from yesterday- was it really only yesterday? The ripped end of Oliver's white shirt wrapped fully around her head, only partially hidden by a hoodie. She chewed at her lip, recalling with some irony having been named one of Max Magazines hottest women of 2019.

She spared a glance at Oliver- he wasn’t looking much better, unshowered with smears of both red desert dirt and her own blood staining his white t-shirt. The bottom was short where he’d had to rip it- and he would almost look comical if not for the hint of dark hair and muscle it revealed. Felicity bit her lip, her eyes darting back up to his- he had caught her staring. 

The silence ensued, and Oliver saved her from having to reply to Raisa, “We will be staying in the west wing.”

“Your room is prepared for you, as always, Mr. Oliver.” Raisa smiled at him, her gaze darting to Felicity conspiratorially.

Oliver had to cough around the tickle he suddenly felt in his throat, “And a room for- Ms. Smoak.” He clarified quickly.

Raisa’s eyes went wide, realizing her mistake, “Oh, of course.” she smiled again at Felicity, placing a hand on her arm, “I hope you feel welcome here, Ms. Smoak. Anything you need, you let me know. Especially if this one is giving you too much trouble- I know how he can be.”

Felicity smiled back at her, deciding immediately that she liked this woman, “Thank you, please, call me Felicity.” 

--

She marveled at every grand staircase they went up and through each richly decorated hallway they passed. Ornately carved molding, vintage wallpaper, and huge works of art covered every inch of the place. She had no idea what this place was, or exactly what connections Oliver had to get them a stay here.

Raisa showed her to her room, chattering the whole way as Felicity stared into the many rooms they went past- all empty of guests. Raisa opened up curtains along the way, insisting on turning down the sheets before leaving to prepare dinner. 

Felicity watched the other woman for a moment, figuring out how to word some of the questions at the tip of her tongue. "Will it just be the three or us for dinner?" She asked.

"Oh no, Ms. Felicity, I take my own dinner at home- I live in a smaller house on the property. But I stay here during the day to make sure Queen manor is looked after. It's exciting having you here, Mr. Oliver has not been here for some time. Not to mention with a friend." She beamed brightly, and Felicity just pretended to keep looking around the room. She wondered at this woman who barely blinked at having a couple of blood-stained guests showing up unannounced for dinner.

Felicity breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally alone. She was surprised to realize that this was the longest that Oliver had let her out of his sight. He must not have been kidding when he said the place was secure. 

On the opposite side of the room were floor to ceiling glass windows, overlooking an enclosed courtyard. She took the long walk across the room to look out of them, placing her hand on the cool glass. The sensation drew her mind to a very different room, with a very different set of glass windows. She could still hear the shot ringing out if she let go for long enough. Could see the glass spray in every direction as he threw the entire force of his body into it. A rushing sound filled her ears. Everywhere she looked was glass, blood, glass-

“Felicity?”

The rushing sound came to an abrupt stop. She jerked her hand back from the window, turning around to see Oliver in the doorframe.

“I was knocking.” was all he said, his voice almost- soft?

He stepped into the room, wearing a crisp clean shirt, and she noticed the small stack in his hands.

“I brought you some clothes. I thought you might- I don’t know if they’ll fit but- at least until-” He finally gave up and put the clothes down on the bench at the end of the bed. He held onto what appeared to be a first-aid kit, still unable to look at her. 

“You alright?” His voice scratched at something raw within her. 

“Yeah.” She finally spoke, shaking the thoughts clear from her head. “I was just remembering.” She sat down on the bed, bringing her knees up to curl into herself. 

“The gas station?” 

Felicity blinked. Oh yeah . That happened too.

“Um, no, actually, the morning after the party.” She bit her tongue, surprised at how easily the answer came.

Oliver nodded, “Did you remember anything helpful?”

“It was just something he said. The man- the one-” Felicity sighed, her eyes going to his to silently beg him to understand- she couldn’t say it out loud. 

He nodded, much to her relief, waiting for her to continue. 

“It’s been echoing around in my head. Like something I’ve heard before. John asked him who he was, right before-” another sigh, “and he said- he just said, ‘I’m nothing’, or 'I'm nobody.’” I don't know. I didn’t really remember it until recently. I don’t even think I told the police that. I can still hear him saying it, and it feels like deja vu. It just feels so strangely familiar to me like I’ve heard it a hundred times and I-” She stopped, her eyes darting to Olivers again, not entirely sure why she was entrusting him with this information after all they had been through that day. 

The look on his face was strange, intense. 

She smiled a humorless smile, “It’s probably nothing.”

He moved in the way of a man who had many things to say and yet nothing, coming around the corner of the bed where she was- but still giving her plenty of space. 

“Felicity, I’ve been in contact with the police since we left the last safe house. They’re looking everywhere for that blue van. I wanted you to know, after what happened at the gas station, it looks like homeland defense is going to get involved.”

Felicity felt cold, “They’re looking for the van- that means they didn’t catch those two men?”

He looked down at his feet, his gut clenching, “They were gone by the time police arrived.”

“Are they going to want to talk to me again?”

Oliver nodded, “They might be sending someone out in the morning.”

Felicity looked out the window again, saying nothing.

“The wound on your head- it stopped bleeding on its own, but it's deep.” He placed the first-aid kit on the bed, wincing, “I’m going to have to sew it up.” 

Her face went stony- blank, as she shrank into herself. Oliver mentally berated himself for the hundredth time, revolted with himself for losing her trust. 

“Or, you know what- Raisa should do it.” He said, affecting a false positivity in his voice. “Yeah, she’s much better than me with a needle and thread, what with all the times she’s stitched me up.”

Felicity loosened up at that, somewhat. She reached up to touch the cloth bandage. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Her voice was not as steady as she wished it to be. 

Oliver stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I would have Tatsu do it, but she won’t get here until later. I know it’s been a long day, but I don’t want you going to sleep until she checks you out. You could have a concussion.”

“Okay.” Felicity conceded quietly. 

Oliver put his hands in his pockets. 

“You should at least clean it off.” A moment passed before he nodded towards the en-suite bathroom, "Did Raisa show you the bathroom through here?"

He paused before he turned, hating the awkward tension that lingered. 

He crossed the room to open the door and heard Felicity suck in a breath behind him as she caught a peek at her haphazard reflection through the open door.

She stood from the bed and brushed past him into the bathroom, reaching up to remove the bandage. She bit her lip hard to hold in a hiss of pain where the dried blood had glued the fabric to her skin and hair. 

Oliver watched from the door, about to reach out and help, but read the warning in her eyes and slumped his shoulders in defeat.

He crossed over to a small closet in the bathroom, removing a washcloth and bringing it to the sink to wet it. He nearly startled when he turned to her and she tilted her chin up to him. He had to quickly school his face to hide his surprise. He reached up slowly, and when she didn’t change her mind he took a hesitant step towards her. 

He dabbed gently around the edges of the wound, feeling her eyes on him before she ducked her head to stare at her feet. Oliver subconsciously brought two fingers up to her jaw to tilt her head and her breath caught in her throat. The sting of her wound faded to background noise and she let her eyes drift shut. His fingers were rough on the smooth edge of her jaw, which traced its way to her chin before she felt them disappear. 

She hissed as he came too close to the wound, opening her eyes to find him looking into hers. He audibly swallowed, and her eyes darted down to watch his adam's apple bob with the motion. 

The air was suddenly too thick to breathe, and she took a step back. She nearly jumped when Oliver turned the water on to rinse the washcloth. He wrung it out and laid it on the sink before turning to her, “I’ll be outside.” 

Felicity nodded, waiting until the door was closed to suck in a deep breath. She picked up the washcloth, but her hands shook so badly that she gave it up. She took several minutes to collect herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror

When she came out, he was standing at the opposite wall, next to a large fireplace. 

“I wanted to show you something.” He pushed at the center of the wall and it opened with a click. Felicity froze in surprise, the secret door was perfectly disguised to be part of the wall- crown molding and all. 

Oliver stood in the doorframe and gestured to the other side, “That’s my room on the other side, I just wanted you to know it was there in case you needed anything.”

Felicity remained frozen in place as Oliver frustratedly grasped for a way back, “It can be locked, from both sides if you want. I know that maybe you don’t-”

Felicity unfroze, walking over to him, running her hand along the seam where the door met the wall, “What on earth is this place?” 

As she looked up at him, something over his shoulder caught her eye. She pushed past him into his room and picked up a picture frame that sat at a small table near the door. “Is this you?”

Oliver let out a sigh, taking the picture frame from her and placing it face down on the table. 

“Who is that woman?” Felicity asked, her head tilted up at him curiously. 

She had to crane her neck to look up at him when they stood this close. With her head tilted up at him like that- it reminded him, it was kind of like how she used to look up at him. In the right light, she even had those same dark circles that-

He took a long look at the turned down picture frame, fingering the silver chain at his neck, “She was my sister.”

Felicity’s shoulders dropped, “Oh. I’m so-” she stopped suddenly, laughing nervously, “I hate it when people say that to me, I don’t know why that was the first thing I thought of to say.” 

He shrugged.

She crossed her arms as she looked around her, suddenly realizing she was intruding.

“Oh, my god.” Felicity put a hand to her head, “Raisa said Queen manor. Oliver is this- is this your house?”

He rubbed at his brow as she continued to look around her, taking in the clothes in the closet and the sparse amount of personal effects in his room. 

“Oh. my. god.” She said again, “This is your house. How much are we paying you?”

Oliver actually chuckled at that, turning back to the connecting door to suggest that she walk back through it. 

She took the hint, and he followed behind her, stopping in the frame of the hidden door. “I have so many questions.” She said, sitting back down on her bed, her eyes darting to the pile of clothes he brought, women's clothes- new questions coming to light. 

She watched him as he stood there, running his tongue over his teeth, looking like he was about to say something. He finally looked up at her, his countenance shifting to that of someone who needed to run. She knew what that was like, and braced for his escape. 

“Dinner should be ready soon.” He said, "um, I’ll send Raisa back up to help you out with-" he gestured to her head, and retreated back into his room. 

--

"My god, this is delicious. Does Raisa always go all out like this?" Felicity gestured to the numerous dishes covering the table. 

"Not usually quite this much." Oliver had a far away look on his face, his fork stabbing at a potato. 

Raisa bustled in with yet another steaming dish, “I hope everything is to your liking, Miss Felicity. I was not sure what you prefer, so I made a little bit of everything.”

“I was just telling Oliver how amazing everything is. Thank you so much, Raisa.” Felicity smiled at her, feeling a sudden rush of gratitude for the woman who had made the very painful process of stitching up her head as painless as possible. “For everything.”

“You are very welcome.” she replied as she arranged the last dish on the table. “Don’t forget to reapply that salve I gave you before you go to bed.” 

Felicity nodded and Raisa looked down at the spread she had set up on the table with a measure of satisfaction, “Well, I will leave the two of you to enjoy it.”

Felicity ate like she was starving, finally looking up at him when she stopped to chew. Oliver had been quiet since they left his room. “What are you thinking about?”

She wouldn't have caught Oliver's lip twitching in a smile if she hadn't been watching. 

"I can't have a stray thought around you." He finally said. "How’s your head?”

Felicity stuffed her face with more food to avoid the question for a minute. “Raisa was great, she put this numbing stuff on my head before she stitched it up- but it still hurt like a bitch.” 

Silence lingered between them for a moment.

Felicity found herself having to work up the courage to continue, “She distracted me with stories about you. I didn’t realize you grew up here.” 

Oliver’s fork paused mid-air, and then he put it down. 

“It was the only place I could think of to bring you. We were too exposed, away from Star City, out in the desert like that. Please don’t-” He closed his eyes, rubbing at his forehead. 

He took a breath, opening his eyes to look at her again, trying to gauge her expression. “Felicity, please don’t run.”

Her brow wrinkled, “What are you talking about?”

Oliver wrinkled his brow in return, letting his frustration get the better of him, “Are we really going to act like you didn’t just try to run away from me, and were almost kidnapped?”

Felicity put her fork down as well, “I was scared, Oliver, I-”

“Even the first time we met, you were running away. That’s kind of what you do, Felicity.”

Felicity frowned, and he looked at her with the very last look she ever wanted to be on the receiving end of. Sympathy . 

The food she had so ravenously wolfed down instantly curdled in her gut. 

“Does it bring you some kind of sick pleasure, acting like you know me so well?” She sneered.

Oliver recoiled, trying to backtrack quickly, “I phrased that wrong, I’m just trying to help you, Felicity.”

“I don’t need your help” she spat back at him. 

Oliver scoffed before he could help himself.

Felicity shot to her feet, anger pulsing through her, "So that's what this is,"

"What what is, Felicity?” He remained seated, his jaw grinding so tight he could practically feel his teeth cracking. This was getting tiring, the constant back and forth, the highs and lows. It was giving him whiplash.

“ You . You think you know me so well, but I've got you all figured out now.”

Oliver actually laughed at that, further provoking Felicity’s ire. 

She threw her napkin down on the table, “You know, I actually hoped there was someone worth knowing under all those layers of brooding, arrogant asshole. Turns out, you just feel bad for me. You know- dead mother, career in the trash, possible psycho-stalker. Well, you don’t have to bother trying to be nice to me in those rare moments you pull your head out from your ass for long enough to remember that other people exist. Don’t bother even trying- because I’m just another job, I’m just another person you can pity."

Oliver stood up out of his own chair to match her at his end of the table, "I don't have a single ounce of pity for someone who uses her mother's death as an excuse to treat everyone like shit."

The air around them seemed to stand still. 

“Well I certainly don’t need you hanging around me just because I remind you of your dead sister.”

And there it was. 

Felicity wanted to reach out and pluck the words back from out of the air the moment she uttered them. 

She waited for the anger to crease his face in harsh lines, she waited for whatever painful retort he had to hurl back at her. A cold sweat cropped up on her brow as she waited for the rage. For the shouting. 

But then he did the one thing she hadn’t thought he would do, because it was worse than anything she could think he would do to hurt her. The one thing she had trusted him not to do. 

He turned around, and walked right out the door. 

He ran away. 

--

He ran and he ran and he ran. He ran the square of the compound walls so many times he lost track. He ran until his head was empty and his lungs burned.

He collapsed on the grand front steps and took out the spare burner phone he had procured from his room. He punched in the number and began to speak as soon as John picked up on the other end.

“I need you here- now , John.” he breathed out.

Diggle replied groggily on the other end, “Are you alright? It’s so late, Oliver, I don’t even know where-”

“The princess has been delivered to the castle.” He said bitterly, “I trust you can figure out where that is?”

John was silent.

“The castle , John, the castle.”

“Yes, yes, okay, but- Oliver,” Oliver hung up before the other man could ask more questions. 

He used his t-shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow, considering another run around the compound to steady himself before he went back into the house. He heaved himself up from the step, the security lights guiding the way in the pitch dark. When he reached the foyer, he was surprised to see Raisa running down from the staircase. “Mr. Oliver!” She shouted when she spotted him. 

Her face was pinched with worry, “It’s Miss Felicity, something is wrong.”

He took the stairs two at a time up to Felicity’s room with Raisa behind him, “I came up to see if she needed any help with the salve and I found her on the floor.”

Oliver burst into her room to find her shivering on the floor next to her bed. She was curled up in a ball, as pale as she had been since yesterday and sweating profusely despite the goosebumps on her arms. 

Oliver knelt down next to her, touching a hand to her forehead. She flinched away, but not before he felt that she was burning hot. 

She looked not quite at him, but through him, with pupils blown wide. “Th- Thomas?” she said through chattering teeth.

Oliver shook his head in confusion. “Felicity, it’s Oliver.”

Felicity groaned, “Where is Thomas when you ne- when you need him?”

“Felicity, what happened? Who is Thomas?” Oliver looked to Raisa as if she might have the answers.

He looked back down to see her smiling strangely, “Merlyn, of course.” She slurred in reply.

The shock hit Oliver like a ton of lead bricks to the chest, he nearly fell over next to her. 

“Everything about you just became so incredibly clear.” 

The room spun while he stood still at the center of it.

“Felicity, how long have you been using?”

Chapter Text

Present Day

April 2021

“Felicity, How long have you been using?”

“What?” She screwed her eyes shut against a new wave of pain. 

“When was the last time?”

Felicity turned away from him, groaning.

“Felicity, I need you to hear me.” He gripped her desperately, his voice was soft, but urgent. “I need to know what you took.”

Long, scary, moments passed before Felicity’s eyes opened with a faraway look. He shook her again, “Felicity?”

 “Vertigo.” she said with an almost reverent whisper, before she faded away. 

Last Year

January 2020

Felicity stepped into the club, immediately spotting Thomas holding court in the VIP section. He was surrounded, as always, by an adoring entourage. They were draped on his shoulders and seated around him on plush leather couches, leaning forward, taking in every word that he spoke over the thumping music. They were enraptured, and Felicity knew the feeling. 

She had only just placed one crystal studded Louboutin on the stairs when he turned his warm gaze to her, and she couldn’t help but flush with pleasure at being the sole recipient of such attention, even just for a moment. 

“There she is!” He beamed, raising a glass in her direction as heads swiveled around. A chorus of greetings rang out as they recognized her.

Felicity’s gaze fled to the ground, not over-eager to be recognized while her name was still a trending topic. Unluckily, no new scandal had occurred in the past few days to bury her interview meltdown. The video was still racking up views in the hundreds of thousands. Luckily, Thomas’s club was a discreet kind of place. 

He rose to meet her, kissing her cheek in a familiar greeting. “You’re stunning.” He effused. 

Felicity plastered on a dazzling smile to match his charm. She wasn’t here for pleasure- she had a bone to pick with him. She leaned forward to whisper in his ear, “We need to talk.”, her still wide smile belying her cutting tone. 

“I couldn’t imagine what about.” he replied in low tones, a trace of a smirk gracing the corners of his mouth. She narrowed her eyes at him, not in the mood for jokes.

Thomas turned back to his crowd, “If you’ll excuse me.” he nodded towards a few of them as they expressed their dismay at his departure. “I’ll be back, and in the meantime- let’s get a couple more bottles for the table!” Their spirits lifted at that as he led Felicity down the hallway with a hand on her back. They came to a set of doors which he opened on an expansive view of the lights of downtown Star City. 

Felicity stepped out onto the balcony, taking in a lungful of crisply cold air to steady herself. Tommy closed the doors behind them, instructing one of his security staff to wait inside

She grabbed onto the railing like a lifeline as she searched for the words she had come here to say. He came up behind her, draping an arm around her waist, flashing that smile that was both genuine and irritating at the same time. “It’s not everyday that-”

She cut him off before he could smooth-talk her out of all the reasons she came here. “Thomas, you didn’t tell me it would be like this.” she stepped out of his grasp.

He stilled, arching an eyebrow at her. “You’re angry with me.” 

“You didn’t answer any of my calls.” She shrugged. “I needed to talk to you after-”

Thomas scoffed, putting his hands in his pockets, “I thought you didn’t want anything linking us together.”

“Well,” she spread her hands out, “You have to admit, it’s not a great look.”

He let that comment roll right off his back. He knew his reputation in this town. “Speaking of great looks.” he angled his head towards her, “That video.”

She couldn’t meet his eyes. He went on, “Your little outburst at that reporter. That’s the real reason you’re angry.”

“You didn’t tell me vertigo would make me feel like this.”

“So you want to blame me.” He nodded, taking a step back. His normal easy-going temperament going hard around the edges. “Go ahead, everyone else does.”

She clenched a fist, looking up at him, “No, Thomas, that’s not it, I promise. I’m grateful for you. This is the only thing helping me keep up. You’re the only one who saw that I was struggling and wanted to help me, I just, I didn’t think it would be like- this .” She took a breath, releasing her clenched fist. She held her hand out between them, palm up, to show him how she was shaking.

“Oh, Felicity.” He reached out, covering the space between them to take her shaking hand and pull her towards him.

She wanted to cry with gratitude as she breathed in the warm, masculine scent radiating off his designer top. This was someone who understood what it was like to be lonely, to drown in the sea of people that surrounded them.

This was someone who understood her.

He pulled back, “Tell me what it feels like.”

“Well-” Her voice was wobbly, “Amazing .”

He laughed at that, bringing a hand up to her chin to focus her eyes on him, “Besides that.”

“When I come down, I feel so- I can’t help but feel like- It’s like there’s a thousand voices whispering around me, and they’re all talking about me . I can’t think straight.” She buried her face back into his chest. 

“Hon, I hate to confirm your paranoia, but you’re a celebrity. Everyone is whispering about you.” He played with her blonde hair, which she had worn loose down her back.

She pulled back, her brow furrowed, “What do I do?”

Thomas smiled that dazzling smile and reached into his pocket to pull out a baggie of those delicious green and black pills. Felicity could feel her mouth watering. 

“The secret to avoiding the come-down?” 

His hand returned to her chin, tilting her face to his. He pressed his thumb to her lower lip, and when she opened her mouth, he placed a pill neatly on her tongue. He whispered, a secret for only the two of them. 

“Don’t come down.”

Present Day

April 2021

Oliver pushed down on the gas pedal until the revving of the engine roared over the anger pumping hot through his blood. 

He was seeing red as he pushed his Aston Martin to speeds even he had never pushed it to. His fingers shook on the steering wheel. He had been seeing red ever since Tommy's name had spilled forth from Felicity’s too-pale lips. Ever since she had uttered that dreadful revelation- Vertigo .

Thomas Merlyn. Son of Malcolm Merlyn, the man he had formerly been hired to protect after he had cut Tommy off, further driving a wedge into the tense relationship Oliver and Tommy had shared. 

Oliver knew exactly where Tommy would be. It was well dark by now, and the party at Verdant would probably just be getting started. He would either be basking in the glow of his adoring fans in the VIP section, or holed up in his office with a cadre of security. Oliver would like to think he knew these things because it had always been that way between the two of them- when they had been best friends, brothers, even. 

The reality of the thing was that it had previously been his job to keep tabs on him. Tommy’s business was doing well, and Verdant had expanded in the past year- a feat Oliver had not quite been able to reconcile after Malcolm had cut Tommy off. Oliver never would have thought, never in a million years, that it was Vertigo he had been using to fund his misadventures. 

He thought he knew everything there was to know about Tommy- and he knew a lot about Felicity, but this new piece of the puzzle linking them together was suddenly making many things very clear to him. 

Oliver's rage had him feeling like he was moving through a dream. One moment he was in the car, speeding towards Star City. The next moment, he was in a parking garage. And then he was surrounded by sweaty bodies, heavy bass thumping through his chest and threatening to unravel him. 

He saw Tommy immediately, it was hard not to. He was standing on a table with a tall woman, a bottle sloshing between them. 

Tommy saw him too, and the effervescent smile disappeared from his face completely as he stumbled- but only for a moment. Tommy caught himself, plastering the charm back on like a mask. His mouth still smiled, but his eyes told a different story.

It was all Oliver could do not to throttle him, but he knew security would be all over him in a second. So he plastered on his own charming smile, attempting to appear as non threatening as possible as Tommy stepped down from the table to meet him. 

“Ollie!” Tommy shouted over the music.

They stood feet apart, neither making a move to come closer.

“Tommy.” Oliver replied coolly.

“Never expected to see you here.” Tommy shouted back.

“We need to talk.” 

Tommy chuckled at that. “What, you didn’t come here just to see an old friend?”

Oliver stared. Tommy rolled his eyes, gesturing towards his office with a nod of his head.

Security broke off from the writhing crowd of dancers, following in their footsteps.

As they reached a secluded hallway outside of his office, with security still several steps behind them, Oliver placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. He turned in surprise, and Oliver landed a punch so hard it sent Tommy staggering, reaching the wall and holding on to it to keep himself upright.

Security immediately grabbed Oliver, who had put both hands up in a display of surrender. Tommy held fast to the wall with one hand, the other coming up to stem the blood spurting from his nose. 

“You get that out of your system?” Tommy looked up at him from under a few locks of dark hair that had fallen out of place. Oliver could only stare hatefully back at him. 

Two guards wrestled Oliver's hands behind his back and began to drag him back, “Stop.” Tommy ordered. He stood up straight, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and using it to stanch the blood. He breathed heavily as he stared right back at Oliver. Assessing. He waited a moment before waving them off with his non-bloody hand, “He’s fine- leave us.”

The men made no move to obey, looking at each other in confusion. One of the bolder ones spoke up, “Mr. Meryln, are-”

“I said leave us .” He snarled. 

When they backed off, he turned around and opened the door to his office, and Oliver followed him inside. 

Tommy went behind his desk but stayed standing, making no offer for Oliver to sit down.

There were so many questions, so many accusations and challenges that could be thrown out between them.

Oliver made the first move, “How dare you?”

“How dare I ?” Tommy’s hackles were raised.

“How dare you deal in the very same drug that killed my sister, Thomas Merlyn.” Oliver spat his name like a curse. 

Tommy’s shoulders slumped. At least he had the modesty to display some semblance of shame at the accusation. 

“You don’t know what it’s been like for me, Oliver.” He said quietly. 

“The hell I don’t. We’ve both made mistakes, Tommy, we both got cut off at one time or another but never in my life would I do something so- so-”

“Oh right,” Tommy threw the bloody kerchief down on his desk, “because I’m the fuck-up and you’re Oliver perfect goddamn Queen. You pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and really made something of yourself and I-” Tommy gestured around, at the club, at his bloody nose. 

“You don’t get to play the victim here Tommy. You’re destroying peoples lives.”

“Like you helped destroy mine? Working for my father?”

“I was trying to help you!” Oliver shouted.  

His words echoed around the spacious office. The silent moment caused them both to draw inward, taking a step back and unclenching fists. 

“Well that’s a funny way of going about it.” Tommy muttered at the carpet.

Oliver breathed deeply, pointing an angry finger at his former friend, “Did you sell my sister drugs?”

Tommy looked more shocked than he had been when Oliver punched him, “Oliver, no . I never - I would never -” He shook his head, looking like he wanted to be sick. 

Tommy carded a hand through his disheveled hair, he spoke quietly “Nobody dealt here until after she passed. Long after.”

Oliver let out the breath he had been holding, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples. He took a moment before looking back up at Tommy, who was holding onto the edge of his desk. 

“And Felicity Smoak?”

Tommy straightened, his face pinched in confusion. “Wha- how do you-?”

Oliver ground out the words slowly, “Are you selling Vertigo to Felicity Smoak?”

Tommy hesitated, “Do you know where she is? Is she okay?”

Oliver took a menacing step forward, “I swear to god, Tommy.”

Tommy held both hands out in front of him, “Okay, okay.” he sighed. “Yeah, I was- I was supplying her.” He pulled his desk chair back and slumped into it. “We’re friends.”

“No, not anymore- you stay the hell away from her.” Oliver raged.

“I do- hell, I am . I promise. I haven’t seen her in over a month. Her little friend Roy got to me first. He told me to stay away, and I have.”

“Roy knew she was on Vertigo?” Oliver crossed his arms.

“No, she was trying to keep our- business arrangement- on the down low. Roy only followed her to Verdant one night and saw her with me. I guess my reputation precedes me.” Tommy gave a mock bow. “Now what’s it to you anyways, what do you know about Felicity? Are you two some kind of item?”

Oliver's frown deepened. 

“Ohh, no. It’s so much worse than that, isn’t it? You work for her, don’t you?” A smirk pulled at the corner of Tommys mouth. 

“You want to tell me what exactly you find funny about any of this? This isn’t a game, Tommy. She’s had to run from multiple attempts on her life in the past few days, and I come to find out she’s had to do that all while detoxing from drugs- drugs that you gave her?”

“I was helping her, Oliver.” Tommy stood from his chair, finger poised to make a point, “She came to me .”

“Oh, please . Who told you to give her the vertigo, Tommy?”

Tommy shook his head, “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Oliver lunged forward, slamming his hands down on the desk, “Who told you to give her the fucking vertigo, Tommy?”

Thomas leaned forward to meet Oliver's deadly gaze, “Felicity came to me of her own free will, I gave her the drugs because we’re the same. I know exactly what it feels like to barely be able to keep your head above water. I wanted to help her keep swimming.”

Oliver's mouth twisted in contempt. “Bull shit .” 

“You don’t know her, Ollie. You don’t know what it’s like for people like us- your family has always lived on the down-low. You wouldn't understand what it's like for your private life to be open season to these people. She was almost ruined after her breakup with Cooper, and then they made her lose a shit-ton of weight for some stupid fashion show, and then there was that viral video, and then her mom- god, Oliver,” Tommy swallowed, “She never would have gotten through any of it if it weren't for me.”

Oliver chuckled a dark, dry, chuckle. “You keep telling yourself that, Tommy.”

“Alright, if you know the truth, brother , then speak it.” He challenged.

Oliver leaned further over the desk, his voice deepening to a growl, his blood hot with hate, “You gave her the Vertigo because you wanted her to be just as lonely and as miserable as you are. You think that the only way you can make people love you is by bringing them down to your level.” 

“The people that come to my club make a choice, Oliver.” Tommy was practically snarling now, his hand pounding the desk in emphasis, “Felicity is no more a victim than your sister was. Wake up , Ollie. Vertigo didn’t kill your sister, your sister killed her self, and she chose Vertigo to do the job.”

In a blink Oliver's hands were wrapped around Tommy’s neck, and in the next moment, the security guards were bursting through the door. 

It took four men to drag him away as he fought against them like a wild animal. When he finally tired, he slumped into their grip. Tommy stood over him, dried blood crusted on his nose, his neck red and swollen.

“The comedown is a real bitch, Ollie.” He spat the endearing nickname bitterly ,”I only hope she survives it.”

--

There is no reprieve of a moment's confusion, Felicity knows exactly where she is when she wakes.

Without opening her eyes, she curls further into herself, moaning when the simple movement sends a shock wave of pain and nausea through her senses. She wraps her arms tighter around herself, her hands trembling and slick with sweat.

“Felicity?” a gentle voice says.

The small noise brings to the forefront a white light of pain that threatens to split her head open. 

Nausea wins out in the fight to keep her eyes screwed tight against the light. As she rolls to the edge of the bed to retch, she sees a trash can being pushed towards her. But there’s no point, because there’s nothing left. Nothing left to lose. 

Her mouth falls open and shining silver coins fall out, jangling against one another into the bucket. She plucks one out and stares at it.

Her hand was so small with the shiny coin at the center. 

Small like when she would search the ground around the hotel vending machines. If you got lucky, you could find change left carelessly in the change slot. The glass felt cool with your face squished right up against it, one arm in the machine, fishing with small fingertips to catch the corner of a fallen bag of beautiful, free, caloric goodness. 

The coins were an even greater treasure than the salty sting of a savory snack on your tongue, or the tiny sweet candies that stained sticky little fingers with rainbow colors. So precious were the coins that bought the magazines that Felicity would stay up all night poring over. More precious than a cold drink, extra fizzy from having fallen a long way down the machine, in the Vegas summer heat.

The first time she had found two entire dollars in quarters wedged under a machine she couldn’t wait for bedtime, for the thrill of pulling a sheet over her head to read her mothers magazines with a flashlight. Her knees would bounce with excitement as she impatiently scanned headlines in the checkout line. Her mom used to read these before they began living in the hotels. Felicity was mesmerized by the long flashy headlines, the tantalizing pictures of leggy blonde pop stars and their tattooed husbands, the scandalous candid no-makeup shots of the highest earning actresses taking out the garbage. 

Her mother had stopped buying them lately. Maybe there just wasn’t enough money, or maybe it just wasn’t enough of an escape anymore. 

Felicity looked down at the coins in her hands, then back up at a picture of a gorgeous, midriff baring TV star. Her mom had been working so hard, she wanted to surprise her with something that she used to love.

She stares long and hard at the magazine, reaching up to grab the one that she wants. It slowly dawns on her, that’s her- that’s Felicity on the cover of the tabloid, the center of salacious gossip. She drops the magazine in shock and it shatters into a million pieces like glass, blood seeping from the pieces. She runs out of the store. 

And then she’s running, running, running down the street, and the voices are following her again. Her feet are bleeding again, and when she reaches down to touch them, the ground gives way and she’s falling headfirst into a cup of coffee. She’s drowning in it, no- swimming in it. Swimming forever in a pair of ocean blue eyes. She’s drenched with it, the ocean turning stormy, churning and spitting her harshly back into reality-

Where she’s sitting bolt upright, soaked with sweat, gasping for breath and she knows exactly where she is. 

Chapter Text

Present Day

April 2021

“I don’t understand.” Sara ran two hands through her hair, pacing through the foyer of the Queen mansion as John descended the stairs behind her.

“It’s called acute withdrawal, she’s been experiencing it the last couple of days and-”

“I hear what you’re saying, John, I’ve been hearing it. I just- I don’t understand how we didn’t even realize. How could I be so blind? It only took Oliver one day with her to realize she had a problem. I can’t even believe-”

John made the last step down the stairs and came forward to put a comforting arm on Sara’s shoulder.

“She just looked so-” Sara let out a shaky breath.

“I know. But she’s going to be okay, Tatsu has a handle on things.”

“But- Vertigo, John? I hardly believe it.”

John had nothing to say to this, he could scarcely believe it himself.

Sara continued to pace, sliding out of John's grip to take in unfamiliar surroundings. The large windows at the front of the house gave a view of the sun just beginning to rise. “So, where the hell are we, exactly, John?”

It was still pitch black outside when John had woken her at the safe house. They had sped down the highway while John explained to her that Oliver had made a strange and frantic phone call asking him to come.

“I’ve never been here before, but Oliver would speak of this place, Queen manor, when we were overseas.” John clenched his jaw, “Tatsu said that he ran out of here as soon as she confirmed that Felicity was stable.” 

“You’re angry.” Sarah noted the tension in his crossed arms, the sharp glint in his eyes. “But  with Oliver, or Felicity?”

John deflated at that, leaning up against the banister. “Very angry with Oliver, I don’t even feel like I’m allowed to be angry at Felicity right now, and a lot angry with myself.“

“I feel that last one.” Sarah murmured, looking down at her feet. “I failed her.”

“No, Sara,” John shook his head, “if anybody failed her, it’s me.”

“I guess we-” Sarah started, holding herself back to let him have his space. “We've both done things we’re not proud of because we thought we were helping her.”

John nodded silently before turning to head into one of the drawing rooms, sinking into an antique sofa. Sara trailed behind him and he watched as her eyes continued to rove over the unfamiliar space.

“What is wrong with me?” She ran her hands through her hair again, “She’s in withdrawal right now, as we speak, and my mind just wants to run through all the ways that we can spin this with the press. She was so right about me, she’s always right.”

“Right about what?”

Sara looked up at him shamefully, “Do you remember the fight we had, after her mother died?”

John frowned at her, “Sara, no. That was- you were doing your job.”

“ Exactly, John.” 

He shrugged, “That’s the same fight the two of you have been having all year, it’s not on you that she keeps bringing it up.”

“But I drew that line between being an employee, and being a friend. I did that,” Sara pointed to herself, “-not her. I was her manager at a time when she desperately needed a friend. I may not have left her like everyone else, but I stopped being there for her in the way she needed it most.” Sara threw her hands up, “And I’m doing it again, all I can think about is what this is going to do to her in the press. And the contracts- I still have to tell her about the contracts.” She sighed, pacing with her hands now on her hips. “Do we have her stay here, John? Instead of going to a detox center? Nobody has to know anything if she just stays here.”

“I really, really don’t know.” John held his head in his hands. 

“God- she just looked so pale.” Sara dropped herself into the couch opposite John, and held her own head in her hands.

---

There’s something comforting about the confusion of waking up in a warm bed that is not your own. Something harkening back to falling asleep in the backseat of your parents car. Of steady hands carrying you into the house. That first moment you crack a rested eye open and see that your walls are not quite the right color, and no, this is not your blanket. You blink a few times, look around, and oh , right, you’re in the blue bedroom at some distant relative's house.

How Felicity wished for that feeling. Instead, she tumbled over and over through dreams and nightmares- clawing and grasping for moments of reality. Reality, where she knew she was in Oliver's house, tangled, sweat soaked, in the sheets of a four poster bed. Those moments of reality kept escaping her grasp, and she floated back into delirium with no tether to hold her down.

Days, maybe years went by like this- until she finally felt her soul coming back into her body, anchored by a cool hand grasping hers over top the sheets. 

The first time she opened crusted eyes to the real, present world, it was dark. She had to blink to make out John in a chair pulled up by her bed, slumped over. She felt a stab of affection for the man, still here for her through everything. 

All she could do was lay there in the quiet as the darkness gathered itself, folding together in a heavy blanket, laying itself over her. The oppressive heaviness crushed her head, squeezed her stomach. She was too weak to move, and there was nothing to do but experience the horror as she retched on herself. She felt John move at the end of the bed, heard his frantic curse before she let the darkness unfold and take her under again. 

---

John crowded Oliver against a wall the second he walked through the door.

“You just left her?”

Oliver's eyes widened, “There was nothing I could have done to help her- Tatsu was here.”

“What was more important than being here?” John's words were sharp, spoken lowly due to the early hour, but no less threatening.

Oliver hesitated- unsure of how much to share with John before he’d had a chance to talk to Felicity. 

John misread the hesitation on Oliver's face, backing up to give him some space “Goddammit, Oliver. If you can’t handle this, if you’re too close to this-” John gestured,”-situation. You need to tell me now.”

“Yes, John. Okay- my sister overdosed on Vertigo.” Oliver let out an angry breath,  “You don’t need to dance around it. If anything, I think that makes me more than qualified to handle this situation .”

John wiped his palm over his mouth, considering him.

“And what about you?” Oliver glared at John.

John was thrown by this, “What about me?”

“Vertigo, John, Vertigo .”

John just shook his head, lost, and Oliver's eyes went wide.

“You don’t know?”

John grew tense, “Just say it, Oliver.”

The words froze in Oliver's throat, unable to look John in the eye. It took him a minute to say- “Andy was helping move Vertigo , John.”

John's tense posture went loose. “In Afghanistan?”

“ Yes .”

He walked several paces away from Oliver, quiet for a moment.

“I didn’t know what-  it just never- it wasn’t something-”

Oliver felt a heavy weight in his chest as he watched the other man struggle to speak, “I’m sorry you had to hear it from me.”

He couldn’t talk about Andy, anymore. His heart was too volatile for this conversation. He shifted on his feet, “As for Felicity- we can’t keep doing this, John. She doesn’t need this.” Oliver shook his head. “We can’t keep having the same arguments.” John opened his mouth to speak and Oliver cut him off with a hand gesture, “I’m putting my foot down. We give her some space to heal for now, and then when she’s ready, we all cut the shit and just sit down and talk this out. No more half-truths to spare her feelings, we communicate.”

John nodded, “I was just going to agree with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Oliver breathed a sigh of relief, taking steps towards the stairs, “I’m going to go check on her now.”

“Oliver?” 

He stopped and turned around.

John hesitated, “I mean- this can’t be a coincidence, can it? Vertigo?”

Oliver blew out a breath- because no, it couldn’t be a coincidence.

“It’s too much- everything that happened in Afghanistan, my brother, your sister-” John gestured up the stairs, “now Felicity?”

Oliver mentally added Tommy to that list, “Whatever the connection is, I’m going to find it, John.” He said, nodding firmly.

They exchanged grim looks, and parted ways. 

---

The first time Felicity gained consciousness for longer than a few forgotten stretches of seconds, she is gloriously, isolatedly, alone. 

She turned her head towards the steady drip of the IV and followed it down to the needle in her arm. She thought about ripping it out, but felt too weak to expend even that amount of energy. Everything hurt. She lay there for an indeterminate amount of time, looking out the windows, regretting that her dirty little secret had been uncovered. And more than anything, her hands trembled for the consolation of a little green and blue pill. 

Finally, the door cracked open and Tatsu stepped in. 

The woman closed the door with quiet movements before looking towards Felicity.

“Oh! You’re awake.” she smiled.

Tatsu wavered in Felicity’s vision; she was a smudge, really- she wasn't entirely sure she was actually there. 

“How-” Felicity rasped out before her dry throat sent her into a coughing fit.

Tatsu hurried to her side and poured her glass of water from a pitcher, hauling her upright so she could drink.

“Slowly!” She emphasized as Felicity began to gulp it down. 

Felicity looked at Tatsu and obediently slowed down, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand when she was finished. When Tatsu let go of her she slumped gracelessly back down on the bed.

“How long?” Felicity rasped.

Tatsu sighed, “It’s been almost two days. I’ve got you on a fluid drip, but we’re going to have to get some food in you.”

She clutched her stomach, recalling how she had woken up previously. “Is John here?”

“Yes, do you want to see him?”

Felicity shook her head quickly, too quickly, and everything started to swirl again.

Tatsu arched an eyebrow, “He has been very worried.”

“I know,” Felicity put a hand to her pounding head, steadying herself, “I’m just- I’m so-”

She looked around the room, not struggling for the words, but for the courage to say them.

“I’m s- so ‘mbarrassed.” she breathed weakly.

Tatsu sat down at the edge of the bed, tilting her head in question.

“This was my problem- I was- I was- dealing with it.” Felicity struggled to speak, she was barely discernible with a trembling, raspy voice. “It wasn’t supposed t-to get like this, they weren’t supposed to see.”

Tatsu nodded, “You feel ashamed.”

“Yes.” Felicity whispered again. “And no.” The short conversation practically had her out of breath as sweat beaded on her forehead. 

They sat in silence for several moments as Tatsu waited for her to go on. When Felicity’s eyes started to drift closed again, Tatsu stood from the bed, “Well, Felicity, I’ll bring you something light to eat. Applesauce, perhaps. You need to take it easy on your stomach. I will tell them you are still sleeping if they ask.”

Felicity smiled a wavering, grateful smile, not opening her eyes. “Thank you. Tatsu.”

---

Despite being unable to keep her eyes open, Felicity couldn’t go back to sleep after that. 

Throughout the night, she spoke reluctantly with many visitors. Roy, Tommy, Evelyn, Ray, Cooper, and even her mother at one point. She matched the chain of events together with faces, piecing together the puzzle of her downfall. 

She trembled and she sweated and she wailed and she retched up nothing.

She begged Tommy for just one more pill, and knew it was just a hallucination when he said no. 

---

“There are several options to choose from.” Tatsu stood at the center of the living room, looking into the concerned faces of John, Lyla, Sara, and Oliver.

“Allowing her to go off the drugs abruptly is very dangerous, she is experiencing extreme symptoms- hallucinations, shaking, high fevers, and has been unable to keep down any food. Medication assisted treatment is the best route we can take as far as managing her symptoms and reducing the chance of relapse in the future.”

“What does that mean?” John cut in, “What kind of medication are we talking about?”

“Typically, methadone is used but there are other-”

“No.” John scoffed, “Absolutely not.”

“Well, let’s hear her out, honey, she is a medical professional.” Lyla squeezed her husband's knee.

“I assure you, this is a very common treatment. I know you care for her, and I would never-”

“How is letting her have another very powerful drug going to help her?” John cut in again.

Tatsu patiently began again, “As I said, there are other routes we can take, but medically assisted treatment decreases the discomfort of those experiencing withdrawal symptoms and allows them to taper off in a safe and supervised manner. I understand you may be uncomfortable with the idea, but she is in a lot of pain right now.”

Oliver crossed his arms where he stood behind the couch. He exchanged a look with Tatsu as she continued.

“The problem is that vertigo is relatively new, as far as drugs go. It’s elusive, so we still don’t know a lot about what the withdrawal process is like or how dangerous it is. I’ve been able to talk with Felicity briefly, and according to her account, she has been taking vertigo consistently for about a year and a half. In her case, I feel highly uncomfortable letting her detox without any kind of assistance.”

The three on the couch were still, a few moments passing before Sara spoke up.

“A year and a half?” She said breathlessly, counting backwards in her head. “So, when she lost it on that interviewer, when she fired Isabel?” She looked to John for answers, but he was focused on Tatsu.

“You were able to speak with Felicity?” John asked.

Tatsu hesitated, “She has had brief moments of lucidity.”

“Well that’s a good sign, right? She’s either been asleep or on a completely different planet every time I’ve been up there.” Lyla shrugged.

John rolled his eyes, “She was pretending to be asleep last night, I knew she was awake.”

“Can you blame her?” Sara interjected, “Where do you even start that conversation- ‘hey, sorry I’ve been hiding my drug addiction from you all.’”

They all went silent again.

“We need to decide on a plan of treatment, if you are uncomfortable with addictive medications there are other options that will relieve her withdrawal symptoms. However, you should know there is an increased risk of relapse with other treatments. I am asking the three of you because, from what I understand, you are the closest thing she has to family.”

Sara and John looked at each other, guilty with the reminder.

“Why don’t we let her decide?” Oliver spoke up. Three heads swiveled towards him.

Tatsu nodded, “To be completely honest, I am not sure about Felicity’s decision making capabilities in her current state.”

“It can’t hurt to ask her.” Oliver replied, shrugging.

Sara turned to Tatsu, “Is she capable of holding a conversation right now?”

“I don’t- I think one of you could speak with her now. I don’t want to overwhelm her, I must insist that we keep it brief and we keep it civil. This is not a time for confrontations.”

“Agreed.” Lyla nodded, looking to the other two who were locked in a silent argument over who would be the first to see her. “Maybe I should go, I’m a neutral party.” 

Sara and John's shoulders slumped in unison- they knew she was right.

---

Oliver had just retired to his room after his third run for the day, and the hot steam of the shower was glorious. He had just finished pulling on a pair of sweats when he heard a noise he had not heard in some time. 

Behind him, the secret door connecting the two rooms clicked open and Felicity peered in.

Felicity sucked in a breath, putting a hand to her mouth as she took in his bare back, saw the scars that littered the skin there. When he turned around she flinched away, ducking behind the door, “I’m s- sorry- I should have knocked.”

“Hey.” Oliver breathed out, surprised, as he grabbed for the shirt laid out on his bed. “It’s alright, you can come in.”

She peeked out from behind the door and watched as he slid a soft looking tee over his head.

When he turned back to her, he noticed her hands shaking where they held the door frame.

“They’re dog tags.” She rasped.

He tilted his head in confusion.

“The s- silver chain around your neck, I’ve been wondering.” Felicity said slowly, taking a step into the room, still holding onto the door.

“Oh,” Recognition dawned on Oliver's face, and he reached up to pull the tags out of his shirt “yeah.”

Felicity noticed his red, raw knuckles- but at this point, she wasn’t sure how much of what she was seeing was real. She focused back on the dog tags.

“Whose are they?” Felicity took another shaky step.

“Well they- um.” Oliver stood still, looking down at the tags in his hand. “They were mine, but my sister wore them for a long time. I wear them now- as a reminder.”

Felicity practically crumpled to the floor. “Oliver-”, she brought both hands up to cover her face. “What I said to you, about your sister-”

Oliver's face went blank as he stood there awkwardly, not saying anything. He watched her for a moment before he gestured to the bench at the end of his bed, afraid she was about to collapse on her weak knees. He cleared his throat, “Come sit, please.”

To his surprise, she agreed, and he sat down next to her. Only the light from the windows shone into the room, making her appear even paler than she was and accentuating the dark circles under her eyes. She was still shaking, and the short walk across the room had her out of breath. Oliver frowned, she had some rough weeks ahead of her.

“That was the worst thing I think I’ve ever said to anybody. It was to- totally inexcusable.” 

Oliver looked away, “Yeah, it was pretty shitty.”

Felicity peeked out between her fingers to hazard a glance at him. He had turned to her, the smallest of smiles on his face. His bewildering amusement put a small smile on her own face. They sat there for a moment. 

Oliver sighed, “I said some pretty shitty things, too.”

The smile slipped from Felicity’s lips. 

“I’m sorry.” she said, in a way that made Oliver feel like she was sorry for more than just what she had said at the dinner table.

Oliver found her eyes, looked into them for a long while. She almost felt as if he was gauging just how sorry she really was. “I’m sorry too.”

She nodded back.

“I feel like there’s two separate versions of me sometimes.” She started.

Oliver cocked his head, indicating for her to continue.

“Like there's me before my career really s- started to take off.” She paused to take a deep breath, trying to bring her shaking under control. “That’s the version of me you’ve probably seen in the- in the tabloids. And then there’s me after I started taking vertigo.” She closed her eyes and swallowed, her dry mouth watering for a pill. Her next words came out as a rasp, “After my mother died.”

Oliver nodded, “I can understand that. For me, the split happened after Afghanistan. That was the year I left the military for the first time.” He was quiet for a moment, debating his next words. “The same year my sister died, too. I’m not really even sure I’m the same person anymore, or if I ever will be.”

“Yeah.” Felicity nodded, giving him a pained look before her eyes dropped down to his dog tags.

“Felicity-” He began, struggling to continue. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I just need you to understand. My sister, Thea, she overdosed on Vertigo.” Oliver looked at her to gauge her reaction, but she refused to meet his eye. “I was so wrapped up in everything I had going on after I came home, I didn’t notice how much pain she was in.” He reached for her hand, aching for her to look at him, but she pulled it away. “I don’t ever want to make that mistake again, and I’m sorry Felicity- I didn’t listen to you. I didn’t listen about- about anything, really.”

Felicity  was quiet for a long moment, her breathing labored. She continued to hide her face from him, a new tremble in her voice. “They’re giving me a ch- choice of how I want to detox.” 

He wanted anything but this redirection, he wanted to beg her to look at him. “And what did you decide?”

She set her jaw and looked at him, eyes shining, determined, “I’m going to stay here, do it on my own- cold-turkey.”

Oliver bit his lip to keep from voicing his objection to that plan. He was sure Tatsu had explained the dangers, and ultimately, this was her decision. 

“And that’s what you want? You want to quit?”

Felicity's sunken eyes betrayed the horror of the struggle she had ahead of her. Her lower lip trembled, a sheen of sweat visible on her forehead. 

Her silence worried but did not surprise Oliver. She was an addict. If she was going to stay clean, she needed to find her own reasons. 

“Well, you’re not alone, Felicity.”

She shrugged, giving him a small smile before letting him help her back to her room.

---

She had been recovering for a little over a week when Oliver came into Felicity’s room and threw down a pair of running shoes. He stretched as he talked, which wasn’t distracting at all.

“Come run with me.” He said.

Felicity only groaned in response, to which he laughed cruelly. 

She shot him a dirty look, “I’d much rather watch you from the comfort of my window.”

He smiled even bigger at that, “Come on, it’ll feel good, I promise.”

Felicity scoffed, “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.”

Oliver paused, briefly flushing red, a color Felicity delighted to see on him.

“You made an agreement with Lyla- you would talk and you would exercise. Now that you’re doing a little better we can at least walk, it’ll help you build your strength back up.”

Felicity finally sat up, with effort, “Fine. But you’re carrying me back up here when I collapse after a hundred feet.”

“Deal.” Oliver smiled again, “Get changed!”

They met up outside her door, and Oliver had to help her down the stairs with an arm under her shoulders, to which Felicity said, “This is not a good indication of how our run is going to go.”

“It’s just a walk, we’ll get there.”

Felicity was too winded to argue, so they circled the driveway loop in silence.

When they arrived back at the front of the house, Oliver gave her a once over. “You think you can do another?”

Felicity wiped the sweat from her brow, “I think-” she panted, “I better stop now before you have to make good on your promise to carry me.”

“Alright.” Oliver nodded, holding an arm out to her. Felicity nodded and he tucked it around her back once more, helping her up the stairs. Her heavy breaths felt hot on his neck.

“But tonight we do two laps.”

Felicity scoffed, but he was knocking on her door again as the sun was going down. She was still in her running clothes from that morning, having fallen into bed for a long nap immediately after their “run”.

“Go away, Oliver.” Felicity mumbled.

“Two laps, Felicity.”

Felicity rolled over to frown at the door, “Noo, Oliver. I’m gross.”

“What else is new?”

“Fuck off.” She rolled back over, face buried in her pillow.

“I’m coming in.”

Felicity groaned dramatically but didn’t protest, so he opened the door slowly, peeking around the corner to see her laying atop the covers.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding.”

“Fuck. Off.”

“I’d be nicer to me if I were you, this blind item practically writes itself.”

“Ha ha.” Felicity said tonelessly, lifting her head, “I’d like to see you get around the NDA.”

“What NDA?”

Felicity bolted upright from the bed. “They didn’t have you sign an NDA?”

“There she is.” He grinned, “I knew you could get up- just needed the right motivation.” Oliver turned back towards the door.

Felicity followed him, “But you did sign an NDA right?”

He turned around to look at her, one hand still on the door, “Ironclad, Felicity.”

She stopped short, crossing her arms, suddenly embarrassed at her appearance.

“It hurt too much to get up earlier, just, let me take a shower first.”

“You’re just going to get sweaty again,” Oliver shrugged, “shower after.”

Felicity hesitated, and Oliver tensed up for a moment, “If that’s what you want to do. It’s your choice.” He said quickly.

Felicity couldn’t help the amused expression on her face. Weirdo , she thought. 

She looked down at herself, “You don’t mind?”

“No, Felicity, I don’t mind.” He shook his head.

“I’d rather not run alone anyways.”

Felicity rolled her eyes and walked past him out the door, “Alright, that’s pushing it.”

---

Felicity walked two laps that evening, and three the next morning. Within a week, her and Oliver were jogging the perimeter of the Queen compound twice a day. Sometimes he broke off to run fast paced laps around her, and sometimes they walked slowly while they talked. 

When they were done, they would split off at the staircase- her to her room, and him to a study on the other side of the manor. She would see Sara and John and Lyla sometimes milling around on the first floor when she and Oliver would go out for their runs- but she couldn’t bring herself to speak to them. 

Sometimes she would fall into bed for hours at a time, waking with a start when reality became a safer place to be than her dreams. Sometimes she would sit at the window, staring out for hours at a time. Sometimes she would lay under her sheets in the dark, looking for a reprieve to her pounding headaches. Sometimes she would sit on the floor of the shower until her toes turned pruny and other times days would go by without showering at all. 

She thought about telling Tatsu about the dreams. Her and Tatsu had started meeting daily to talk, part of what she had agreed to with Lyla. When she wouldn’t speak, Tatsu decided to make her meditate. She was supposed to be clearing her mind, but the moment she turned her focus inward the voices threatened to deafen her. Each voice was her own, begging to give into the cravings, begging to hold strong, begging to end it all. When she couldn’t pretend to meditate any longer, she would give in and share the barest details of the beginning of her addiction with Tatsu.

Oliver would pound at her door relentlessly on the mornings she hadn’t slept at all. Other times she met him at the bottom of the stairs fresh and nearly delirious from fourteen hours of sleep. Running felt good, the slap of her feet and the burn of her empty lungs gave her something else to think about. It was hard to make those laps every day and not think that this was all she was good for- running away. 

One morning she was pulling on her socks when she heard the knock at the door. “Come in.” she called, “I’m almost r-”

Roy stepped through the door, and her heart fell into her stomach. His hands were stuffed into his red hoodie, his figure tense.

“Hey.” Felicity’s voice came out rough and too high. 

“Felicity.” 

They stared at each other dumbly.

“Um, Oliver’s not here, he thought I could run with you.”

Felicity nodded, tucking a limp strand of hair behind her ear. She didn’t want him seeing her like this, especially not after their last conversation. 

But she needed him close, so she slipped on her shoes and followed him outside. They ran two laps around the compound, side by side without looking at one another. Felicity forgot to pace herself and her heart was beating so hard that it hurt. 

She slowed down, “Oliver called you?” she said breathlessly. 

Roy slowed down with her, “Yeah.”

“He asked you to come?”

“Um- yeah. We talked a little bit earlier, and then he said he had to head out.”

“Where’d he go?”

“Not sure.”

Felicity slowed to a stop, bending over with hands on her knees to catch her breath.

“It seems like you’re trying.” Roy said quietly.

Felicity whipped her head up to look at him.

“I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.” He continued. “I was- I’m scared for you, Felicity.”

She kept staring up at him, hands still on her knees, pushing down nausea until she figured out how to unfreeze and stand straight, facing him.

“I had no idea anything had happened until Oliver called me yesterday. I don’t know what happened after I left the safehouse.”

Felicity’s forehead crinkled, “That was almost- two weeks ago?”

“Yeah. Sara deserves a raise, she buried everything. Not a word in the press.”

Felicity hugged her arms to herself, looking towards the domineering shape of Queen manor at the center of the immaculately manicured lawn. She’d been avoiding thinking about the press, and with no phone yet, it had been working out pretty well so far. 

“Oliver wouldn’t give me details, said I should hear it from you.” Roy shrugged with his hands in his hoodie pockets.

He looked so familiar and yet so far away, Felicity had to turn and walk a few steps away. She put her hands back on her knees and breathed deeply. When the tears didn’t burn as badly, she straightened. 

Roy was half turned away, like he was about to make his excuse to leave, “Okay.” She said finally, nodding. “Let’s talk.”

They sat on the ground under a shady weeping willow at the edge of the property. 

“Do you remember fashion week last year?”

Roy frowned, retreating into memory, “Yeah, you were crazy busy then, we were doing a lot of running around. What about it?”

“I started taking vertigo right around that time.”

“Vertigo, Felicity?” Roy startled, trying to stand right back up but falling over in his surprise, “Jesus, fuck.”

Felicity looked down, hiding her face in a mat of sweaty hair. 

“Sorry, I just- fuck- Felicity. I’ll shut up, you can talk.” Roy righted himself.

She felt the hot press of shame in her chest, it crept up her neck and made her itch.

“You met me at a time when the world still felt so open to me. I was winning awards, I was getting so many opportunities, I dumped my garbage ex and I felt like I was finally proving myself to the world.” Felicity took a deep breath, “ I wanted to share my life with people, and I loved it. Until they started asking for more than I could give, they wanted pieces of me. They all want a piece and-” Felicity struggled, whispering, “I just can’t keep up.”

“And then you met Tommy.”

Felicity whipped her head to look at Roy in shock.

“How do you-”

“I followed you, one night.” He shrugged unapologetically. 

She scoffed, “Okay, well, no, that’s not exactly how it happened. I was drinking a lot just to get through events- so many parties and clubs and then, well, there was other stuff-” She glanced sideways at Roy, afraid of his reaction. He’d been hitting the slopes himself pretty regularly when they’d first met. 

“I knew it.” Roys shoulders slumped, “I saw you, you know. There were a couple times I nearly caught you, but I almost didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see it. You remember that vodka launch party?”

“Nope.” Felicity shook her head. 

“God, Felicity. Were you having fun at least?”

She shot Roy an incredulous look, “Seriously?”

He quirked a smile and she checked him with her elbow. 

“Fuck yes, it was fun. That’s the thing they don’t tell you.” Felicity looked back down at the ground, “You followed me?”

Roy shrugged again, “In my defense, you were really fucked up, Felicity. So, Tommy was your dealer, or what?”

“No.” she stared into the distance, “He recognized that I was struggling, he was the first person to talk to me about it, he didn’t beat around the bush. I appreciated that about him. He offered me an out. He was- he was my friend, I think.”

“No, Felicity.” Roy put a hand on her arm where it was wrapped around her knees, “He was not a friend.”

Roy gave her a hard look before he pulled his hand back. Felicity bit her lip, hard, and tasted copper.

“Anyway, he stopped talking to me, like a month ago, I think? I still had some pills, and I was able to get a few more from some people. I was trying to take them sparingly until I could find another source or something- I don’t know. That’s why I haven’t been doing well lately, I’ve basically been in withdrawal in and out for like a month.”

Roy was silent for a long minute. “I told Tommy to leave you alone.”

Felicity’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head, “Roy.”

“ Felicity .”

“Do you have any idea how connected he is? Why on earth would you- what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I wanted my friend back.” Roy said quietly.

Felicity wanted to melt into the ground. She sucked in a breath to control the burning feeling in her chest. How many nights had she lay awake wondering what she had done to make Tommy disappear from her life? She was sad and eventually furious at the abandonment, only to learn that Roy had scared him away.

“Well then, I guess I have you to thank for getting clean. Well you and whoever sent two dudes to fucking kidnap me.”

“Wait, what?” It was Roys turn to whip his neck to face her.

Felicity paused, “Oliver really didn’t tell you anything?”

“Felicity- some guy broke into your house, then later they blew it to bits- you’re telling me someone tried to kidnap you?”

“Roy, after you left the safehouse, Oliver and I were followed by this van and shot at for like, thirty minutes until Oliver finally lost them. He didn’t tell you that bit?”

Roy blinked at her slowly, “No, like I said, he told me I should hear it from you.”

“Well, we lost them, stayed overnight at a motel, only for them to find us the next morning. Oliver thought they were tracking our phones so the goddamn lunatic threw them out the window. That freaked me out and I wasn’t thinking straight and I thought he was going to try something, so when we stopped at a gas station I tried to lose him, only to run into the same two guys with the van.”

“God, Felicity.” Roy shook his head in disbelief. 

“I was just going to hide in the bathroom or something, but they grabbed me, one on each arm.” Felicity let out a breath, “I can remember exactly what their hands felt like- cold and rough, I think I still have bruises.” Felicity turned her elbow to look for them, catching the devastated look on Roy’s face and dropping her arms back to her knees. “I fought like hell- I managed to smash one over the head with a random hubcap before-”

“Before what?” There was a barely perceptible shake to Roys voice.

“I fell, and everything went dark,” Felicity shrugged, her fingers touching the healing wound in her hairline, “and Oliver took me here.”

She looked at Roy, who was holding a hand to his mouth and staring back at her. She went limp when she realized there were tears welling up in his eyes. 

His hug was sudden, but welcome. She didn’t flinch as he wrapped his arms around her from the side, hiding his face in her neck. She paused for a moment before returning the gesture, wrapping her arms around his back and pulling him close. He smelled sweaty and familiar, and it had been so fucking long since she’d been held like this she didn’t even realize how much she craved it. 

It was almost as good as drugs.

---

The sound of a phone ringing echoed through Queen manor. The landlines had been taken out years ago, but one remained- in the kitchen, at Raisa’s insistence. 

Oliver was walking through the front room when he heard her pick up- noting the strangeness of the old-school trill of a landline in the house.

Oliver had almost made it up the stairs when he heard her call his name. He paused on the step and turned around as she came around the corner, holding the phone out in her hand.

“It’s for you, Mr. Oliver.”

He came down to take the phone, giving her a quizzical look that she simply shrugged at before heading back to the kitchen.

Oliver waited until he was ensconced in his study before putting the phone up to his ear.

“Yes?”

“Oliver Queen?”

“Speaking.”

Oliver heard a sigh of relief on the other end of the line.

“You have no idea how hard I’ve been looking for you.”

Oliver frowned, “Who is this?”

“This is Mckenna Hall, I don’t know if you remember me-”

Some of the tension went out of his shoulders, “Of course I remember you Mckenna.”

“Oliver-” Her voice cracked, “Tommy is gone.”