Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Quirkless. To many people that word means nothing, but to others, it has many meaning. Useless, helpless, better off dead. But to me, it only has one meaning, and that meaning is normal. To anyone else being quirkless was nothing short of a death sentence. But I've never been anyone else. To me, the only death sentence is to give up. In a world of heroes and villains, being quirkless was nothing short of a blessing.

In a world full of quirks people tend to forget the fact that being human means we all have basic traits, but quirks seem to top everything; including your ability to think on your feet. Why would one need a strategy when they can shoot unending fire? Why learn to run fast when you can fly? Why be stealthy when you can punch away your problems? That's why being quirkless is a true blessing. I may not have a glaring advantage, but my lack of disadvantages makes up for it in spades. I don't need a quirk to run fast, to throw a flashbang, or to know how to fight. I just need a brain, a body, and a strategy.

B O O M

"C'mon Deku, pay attention, or I'm gonna blast you to space and back. Don't make me take back that shit I said in class, or I will throttle you,". Kacchan swung at me again, aiming an explosion for my fist, but not before I was able to grab his wrist and kick his feet out from under him. "Ha, Deku-29 Kacchan- 0," I cheered.

Katsuki "Kacchan" Bakugou has always been my best friend. When we were little we used to run around planning to be the best hero duo ever. We'd be "Mighty man" and "Lord Explosion Murder". When I found out I was quirkless our friendship became a bit rocky. He thought that it meant we'd never be a hero duo, so he abandoned me. That idea eventually ended when I turned 8 and decided I was over Kacchan's attitude. So like the normal 8-year old I was I decided that if Kacchan thought I was weak I'd prove him wrong.

My mother had always encouraged to be a hero and let me take several fighting classes, dance classes, and even a few medical-aid classes. When Kacchan blew up my notes I had been writing in class I snapped and challenged him to a fight. Long story short, I kicked his ass in 2 minutes flat and earned his respect. From that day on Kacchan and I have been attached at the hip yet again. Now, half-way through our 3rd year, Kacchan has yet to beat me in a fight but always jumps to my defense when people talk bad about me.

"Alright Kacchan it's been fun, but I need to head to the cafe. Are you coming with me? I'm sure you'd be happy to have some other animal to play with, Isn't that right, Kacchan? Who's a good boy?" Kacchan ripped my hand off his head, "Knock that shit off or I'm taking your hand. I'll only go if Eri's there, I'm not dealing with Braindead and the brat,". Kacchan brushed the dirt off himself and grabbed his bag.

"You say that, but I'm 99% sure it was you who bought Kouta that hat he wanted and it's you who binge-watches RuPaul's Drag Race with Toshi every Saturday," I snickered.

"Why the hell do I put up with you? I have other options," Katsuki growled.

"Because quirkless kids who can kick your ass are just lining up to give you free coffee and sandwiches?"

"You're a bitch."

"And you're gonna get your ass kicked if your still swearing when we walk into this cafe,". I opened the cafe door and was immediately tackled by my two younger adopted siblings, while Dabi and Toshi laughed from behind the counter.

Cafe Midori is a cafe my mother Inko Midoriya started before she passed away a few years ago. My mother had always loved animals and thought that a cup of coffee was the best way to start a stressful day, so when I was declared quirkless and my father hauled ass out of Japan she decided to live out her dream and start an animal cafe. My mother was an amazing woman truly. She always picked me up when I felt I couldn't do it, she taught me how to be a hero. Many people say that when they want to be a hero like All Might, but I want to be a hero like my mother. She put a smile on everyone's faces and never left anyone behind, hence why I have 3 siblings and an unofficial older brother.

My mom found Eri and Kouta in an alley when they were just babies. We still don't know why they were left there or who their parents are, but my mother didn't hesitate to take them in, adopt them and take care of them as her own.I was actually the one who found Hitoshi, but when I told my mother that his parents had abandoned him after his quirk manifested she snatched him up and moved him in within an hour. Dabi had been the latest addition to our makeshift family, we met him when we were going for ice cream. He was burnt half to death and had just run away from home. So, like any normal person, my mother patched him up and offered him a bedroom and a job. She was a force of nature. And being a force of nature she somehow managed to convince the government that if she were to die custody of the kids and ownership of the cafe should be transferred to me. The only reason it worked was that the government didn't really care what happened to a few orphans and a random cafe. Jokes on them because this quirkless orphan was about to become the most valuable asset and scariest foe they'd ever known.

Chapter Text

"Izuku I swear on all things holy get out of the bathroom, there is no valid reason to take this much time, I seriously have to pee and Eri is complaining her mouth tastes gross," Hitoshi pounded on the bathroom door waiting for his brother leave it.

"Yeah, Izu-nii! My mouth tastes like morning and it's icky!" Eri cried, sticking her tongue out and crinkling her nose for effect.

"I'm sorry! Beauty takes time and eyeliner isn't going to apply itself!"

"Why do you need to worry about what you're wearing?! We're literally making coffee and feeding animals! " Hitoshi yelled, earning an eye roll from Izuku.

"Eri, honey, can you tell Toshi that the look is part of good customer service and that I'm not gonna fall for that again," Izuku shouted while applying his favorite lipstick, "Sorry Izu-nii if you wanna talk to Toshi you're gonna have to answer his question! Ha!" Eri cheered at her clever plan, giving her big brother a high-five.

"You tell him, Eri! But can you cover your ears for a second?" Eri blinked confusedly at Toshi's request, but she trusted her brother, so she covered her ears anyway, "What are you getting so dressed up for? Gonna try to seduce yourself a slice of Shouta? Gonna try to get some of that Eraser d-" Hitoshi was cut off by his brother shrill screech, "TOSHI NO I DON'T LI-". Hitoshi got him hook, line, and sinker.

"Grab your stuff and go finish getting ready in your bedroom," Izuku numbly walked out of the bathroom with his make up half done, and started walking to his bedroom. He got two steps out of the bathroom when a distraught Kouta slammed into his leg, screeching "OUT OF THE WAY I HAVE TO GO PEE,".

"HITOSHI YOU BITCH!"

"KOUTA NO I HAVE TO WASH MY MOUTH"

"IZU-NII SAID A BAD WORD! IZU-NII SAID A BAD WORD!"

"I'M SORRY KOUTA BUT YOUR BROTHER HAS SINNED AND NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT HE IS!"

"I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO BRAINWASH YOU, IF WEREN'T TRYING TO GET ALL CUTE FOR A MAN TWICE YOUR AGE!"

"I DON'T LIKE HIM! HE'S JUST A COOL HERO!"

"OOOOH ERASER~ YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I DID THIS MORNING! I GOT ALL DRESSED UP FOR YOU~ AND MADE MY STUNNING BROTHER HITOSHI SUFFER A FULL BLADDER~!"

"THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS, YOU BITCH!"

"IZU-NII STOP SAYING MEAN WORDS!"

"sorry, Eri... But your dear brother Hitoshi doesn't seem to value my dedication to fashion" Izuku, shot a glare at his brother.

"It's okay Izu-nii, I think you look nice," Eri smiled. Izuku smiled proudly at someone complimenting his outfit. He was wearing high-waist black pants with white vertical stripes, a forest green crop top, a large cardigan, and a black beanie. He also had exactly half of his favorite maroon lipstick on.

"See? Someone appreciates me," Izuku said, picking Eri up into a bear hug, "Why don't we go get you some water and make breakfast for everybody while Kouta and Toshi finish in the bathrooms?"

"Okay, Izu-nii!" Eri cheered. Izuku carried her down to the cafe, but not forgetting to shoot a middle finger at his brother Toshi.

~
Dabi walked down to the cafe, having been woken up from the morning commotion. He was greeted by the sight of Eri feeding the newest litter of 4 Bengal kittens with a bottle while Izuku took care of the mama cat-Nahla.

"So, as your honorary big brother, I'm probably supposed to tell you to share the bathroom and not fight your brother first thing in the morning, but as a person who has money riding on this I need to know who won this mornings bathroom battle, but judging by the mess your make up is, it wasn't you," Izuku shot him in unimpressed glared, before mumbling that Kouta had ultimately gotten the bathroom. "You're kidding! Now I owe Katsuki a whole Hawks figurine! Do you know how hard those things are to find? Like the man only debuted a few months ago, and he's popular, but seriously I feel like a whole otaku trying to find his merch," Dabi groaned loudly.

"Ha! Looks like you better get searching, scarface!" Dabi yelped when the new voice chimed in. "When did you get here, Kacchan?" Izuku asked, heading to the back of the store to feed the large aquarium full of fish.

"I just walked in," Kacchan threw his stuff on the table by the counter, "You didn't even notice your most loyal, paying customer? What awful customer service! But I'm sure Dabi here would be happy to make up for by giving me my winnings, wouldn't you Dabi?" Kacchan cackled, a shit-eating grin taking over his face.

"Oh my sweet, beloved, amazing, strong, future hero, friend Kacchan, wouldn't you spare me the pain of digging through shady websites and questionable stores? I can get you a pigeon costume? Maybe a literal hawk? This is an animal cafe, we'd be happy to have one just for you," Dabi suggested/ begged.

"No, we wouldn't. The hawk would probably try to eat Lucy, and Eri loves that rabbit too much for me to risk it. Plus Kacchan would never want to make princess Eri sad because his complimentary Hawk ate Lucy, and don't even get me started on the nightmares that would come if it ate Kouta's snake. He'd avenge Sal by taking your knees," Izuku scoffed at Dabi's plan. Eri gasped in horror at the mere suggestion of her beloved rabbit being hurt, "See? Even Eri agrees a hawk would be a bad option, you're just gonna have to suck it up and get him the merch," Izuku shrugged, ignoring Dabi's defeated look.

"Aw! C'mon! Hawk isn't that bad!" A new voice entered their conversation, yet again making them all jump. Izuku realized that the new voice probably meant he needed to do some work and rushed over to the counter.

"How did we all not notice the man with giant wings just kind of standing there?" Kacchan quickly replied with, "Bad customer service seems to be a theme of today, hm?". That comment earned him a flick to his forehead from Dabi.

"Sorry about that, Welcome to cafe Midori what can I get you?" Izuku asked, straightening out his apron.

"I'd really like your phone number, but if that's not an option can I get a cinnamon tea?" Hawks said, with an admittedly cute smile. "Ah, well you're right my number isn't an option, it doesn't really pair well with pigeon, but I can get you that cinnamon tea,"

Dabi gaped at the interaction, and Katsuki ran to get a napkin seeing as he choked on his tea and spilled it when Hawks asked for Izuku's number. "How? How does Deku do that? How does he just shoot down one of the hottest upcoming heroes like ever like it's just a normal event? His make up isn't even done right!" Katsuki blanched at his master seductress of a friend.

"It's 'cause Izu-nii is too cool for any boys! Izu-nii can be the best ever with just us!" Kouta cheered, from his spot perched on Hitoshi's shoulders. Hitoshi just sighed, still not awake enough for everyone, despite having FINALLY used the bathroom.

"Hey! If you all have time to gossip then you have time to finish taking care of the animals. And Katsuki, I thought you were gonna beat me in the UA exam? How ya gonna do that if you can't even study properly?" Izuku barked, still not taking his focus of the tea he was making. Bakugou grumbled and pulled out his book, knowing not to question Deku when he starts using full names. Dabi took the youngest kids and started helping the animals, while Hitoshi grabbed an apron and got behind the counter.

"Oh, are you two taking the UA entrance exam soon?" Hawks asked.

"Yeah, Kacchan and I have been sparring and studying for a while for this. We've always wanted to be heroes," Izuku smiled at the hero.

"Well~" Hawks chirped, "If you ever wanna get in a last-minute spar before your exam, I'd be happy to lend you a feather or two, and maybe get that Hawks figurine for your friend over there. But~ that requires I get a certain greenettes phone number," Hawks winked, setting his chin on his wrist and leaning on the counter.

Izuku stared at Hawks who was smirking at him before snorting and writing his number on the to-go cup for Hawks' tea. "You drive a hard bargain birdie. I'm holding you to it," Izuku winked back at Hawks, handing him his cup.

Hawks made some sort of squealing noise while grabbing the cup, "Thanks! I promise you won't regret letting me have your number! But I've also gotta zip, I'm supposed to be finishing up my internship in like," Hawks glanced at the clock "Oh shoot I'm late! Bye Midoriya!"

Izuku snorted at the man's antics, but waved anyway "See you later birdie!". Izuku turned around to start cleaning some dishes when Toshi leaned over to him, "Oh me oh my, it seems like someone got over Eraserhead real quick," Hitoshi snickered harder when Izuku turned red and put him in a headlock. Hitoshi decided the joke was totally worth it.

Chapter Text

Ping!
Midoriya Izuku had just finished cleaning the last table and waved goodbye to the nice elderly couple who came in for some late-night tea. Midoriya walked back behind the counter, asking Toshi to man the counter while he checked his phone.

Unknown:
Hey, Hey, Hey! I really hope this is your phone number green bean!

Izuku:
I'm assuming this is Hawks or I have a stalker. Not sure which I prefer honestly.

Hawks:
I'll have you know I'm actually both, Bean boy.

Izuku:
Honestly, I'm not even surprised. Also, don't call me bean boy, or I'll be having fried chicken for dinner. -_-

Hawks:
1) You can always have this bird for dinner( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 2) I love fried chicken, no cap 3) Alright then, watermelon man it is.

Watermelon man:
1) That was threat :( 2) Cannibal??? 3) You're really out here risking your life like that, huh, you off-brand Spearow.

Discount Spearow:
1) I like 'em feisty tbh ◕‿< 2) You're a real comedian ಥ_ಥ 3) Okay, caterpi

Watermelon man:
You disgust me. At least caterpi is an icon though, Spearow is mega lame.

Discount Spearow:
Caterpi was a literal bug, and Spearow was a badass, you stand no chance, beanstalk.

Watermelon man:
False. You're this close ---> . to getting your ass kicked by a caterpi.

Discount Spearow:
Oh really now? Wanna put that theory to the test, Grassman ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ?'

Watermelon man:
Bet. I have tomorrow off after 4, be there or be square, but be ready to lose.

Discount Spearow:
You're on! I have an interview for an agency that day, so I can get you at 4:30? Then I can show the power of a Spearow ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I can even buy you dinner after~

Watermelon Man:
Deal!
...
wait
oh shoot that was smooth for a seagull

Discount Spearow:
You know it, strawberry(^_<)～☆

Just as Izuku was about to reply, the door to the cafe chimed meaning he had to some work, "I'll be out in just a moment!".

Watermelon Man:
I've gotta blast, I'm pretty sure Eraser is waiting for me at the register.

Discount Spearow:
What a shame, my beloved Christmas tree has left me for another Santa's gifts ｡･ﾟﾟ･(>д<)･ﾟﾟ･｡

Watermelon Man:
I... there are literally so many other options and that's the one you thought was best? Is this really how you flirt?

Discount Spearow:
Yup! I'm a real HOOT (get it? Cuz I'm a bird?)

Watermelon Man:
That was really CHEEP. (get it? Cuz you're a bird)
Bye, Hawks, see you tomorrow.

Discount Spearow:
:D see ya tomorrow, at our spar/date~
P.s. If you're gonna beat me up AND go to dinner with me, then you're welcome to call me Keigo (◕‿◕✿)

Izuku snorted, and put his phone in his pocket. "How are you on this fine evening Eraserhead? You want the same as usual" Izuku asked, grabbing a mug and starting a brew.

"Thanks and I told you to just call me Shouta. It's weird hearing that name casually," Shouta glared, but with a giant cat taking home in his scarf it had little effect. "Aw, why? it fits you're whole 'I just got out of bed and need to snort coffee beans and vodka to even slightly function' vibe,"

"I'd take offense if that weren't a completely true statement," Shouta snorted, picking up another cat, "Anyway, where are the other problem children? They're usually wreaking havoc by now,"

"Hitoshi and Kacchan wanted to train for the entrance exam, so Dabi volunteered to help so that I don't maim them before it. Eri and Kouta went because they wanted to watch. Well, Eri wanted to watch, but Kouta just wanted to see 'Bakagou get his butt kicked by his cool brothers'" Izuku chuckled, bringing Shouta his coffee.

Eraserhead snorted loudly, "Kouta really is something. Speaking of the entrance exam though, do you want me to recommend you? You'd have a lot more of a chance of getting in if you didn't have to take on a bunch of robots" Izuku made a panicked choking noise and turned bright red. He ran to refill the cat bowl so he could recuperate from the shock of his idol holding him in such high regard.

"Oh my, Are you doubting me? The almighty Izuku? I could beat that exam with just a paper clip, which I plan to actually. I already got clearance to bring my paperclip." Izuku gave a little wave with the paperclip, "Besides I'd much rather you recommend Hitoshi than me, he's strong, but mind control won't be able to do much for him in the exam."

"I can do that, Hitoshi's a good kid. I'd like him in my class too. But why the hell would you only take a paperclip to the exam? It's robots, and that's illogical, even for you," Shouta raised an eyebrow at him, looking away from the cat he had been dedicatedly petting since he got there.

"Bragging rights. How many people can say 'Oh yeah, I passed one of the hardest exams in the country with just a paperclip'?". Shouta deadpanned at him, "I refuse to believe that's really the reason why,". Deku put his hands up in surrender, "You caught me. The paper clip is actually more of a quick use hard drive, that could maybe, possibly, sort of allow me to override the robot's system and take control, so I can wreak havoc," Izuku smirked when Shouta put his head in his hands.

"How did you even get that past Nezu?" Izuku cackled, "Because I made myself. Plus, the rat can appreciate a good bit of chaos,".

"Oh my~ What's going on here, Izu?" Hitoshi entered the cafe, wiggling his eyebrows at his brother.

"Izu-Nii! Bakagou got his butt kicked by Dabi!" Kouta ran in and fist-bumped the air, "Yeah, it was super cool!" Eri giggled, hugging her brother's leg.

"The kid put up a pretty good fight though, I'm pretty sure the little shit bit me at some point," Dabi rubbed his arm, presumably where he was, "Yeah well that's kacchan for ya" Izuku snorted.

"Hi, Mr. Eraser!" Eri wave, noticing the man in the corner.

"Hi, Eri. You know you can call me Shouta right?" Shouta huffed, "Anyway, Hitoshi I was just talking to your brother, and I'd like to offer you a chance to take the recommendation exam,". Hitoshi's jaw dropped at the offer, "I- what- are- are you serious? I'd love to! Can I really?"

"Yeah, I'll put in the paperwork tonight. I hope to see you in my class," Aizawa gave a smile that wasn't really a smile but was also definitely a smile. "Alright, it was nice seeing you all but I need to go back on patrol,"
Aizawa chugged the rest of his coffee and got ready to leave.

"Shoot! Shouta wait a second. I have the information from the drug ring you were looking for," Izuku threw him the hard drive, "It should have most of the member's quirks, and a whole raid plan. There's 2 locations, those losers really thought they could trick me with that cheap trick.

"Thanks kid, Good luck on the exams, both of you," Aizawa waved as he left the cafe.

3...2...1...

A loud shriek pierced the air. Hitoshi dramatically fell to the ground before shrieking again, "I'M GONNA BE A HERO!" Hitoshi cheered, "NO GEN ED FOR ME! WOO!". The rest of the group just laughed.

Hitoshi got up and tackled hugged his brother, "Izu I don't know what magic charm you used to convince him to give me a recommendation, but I love you for it and promise not to tease you over your weird crushes for the next month,"

Izuku had to laugh at that, "I didn't really have to convince him, I just mentioned that you should be recommended and he agreed immediately," He pats his brother's head, "That was all you, Hitoshi,". Hitoshi proceeded to start crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quick question: If I were to spontaneously start another story which would interest you all more?

Future me here: I'm weak and wrote both-

A story where Izuku is basically really fake. Like he puts up a persona of being happy and ditsy, but he's actually really cold and spiteful and only shows that when he's real angry, or if he's with Bakugou. Not a villain deku story, but more of an angry deku who completely understands the villains. (More than likely would be dabi/deku or shouto/deku

or

Izuku is secretly a famous youtuber known for his analysis and dance (an odd combo woops). The class sees Bakugou appear on one of his videos and spends their time trying to puzzle out who exactly the youtuber is.

Chapter Text

Despite being a family run cafe, Cafe Midori is a 24-hour cafe. Not because the family is money hungry and wants any penny available, but because Dabi is an insomniac and believes that the best way to deal with that is fucking with crazy people at three in the morning. Hence, why Dabi has just downed his 3rd coffee and continues to glare at the clock. Usually, Dabi could get a good story of an overly drunk person stumbling in and demanding a 'pinkity drinkity', or of a pro-hero throwing a fit over the unnecessary amount of criminals trying to mug them, but today he's got nothing.

Dabi was just about to get up and see if Hitoshi was still awake when the answer to all of his prayers walked in. The man had pale blue hair, red eyes, and had this look in his eye that screams 'I hate the world'. He walked up and order a plain black coffee (of which he dumped an unholy amount of sugar into the moment he walked away from the counter).

After awhile of creepily staring at the man, Dabi decided that he may have been wrong about finding himself a good story, but that train of thought stopped the moment an ad that had All Might in it came on. The two men seemed to sync up the moment Mr.StupidFace showed up on the small tv in the cafe. Both men growled and broke the mugs they had been holding, the mystery man having turned the whole mug to dust. The pale-haired man heard the mug shatter in Dabi's hand and he just stared at him in shock of the little moment they just had. Dabi, being equally shocked, just stared at the mug dust, "Um, I think I'm supposed to have you pay for that? But I really don't want to, All Might's an asshat and a mug destroyed in his honor is totally worth it,". The stranger continued to stare for a moment before snorting, "I'd love to destroy All Might's ugly mug,".

Dabi couldn't help, but smirk at that, "You have a vendetta against All Bitch, too? He told my little brother he couldn't be a hero, so now he's like public enemy number one here, minus Endeavor, but that's a whole other story," The man raised an eyebrow, "You could say that I'm just not fond of heroes as a whole,".

"Yeah that's fair, there are some really shitty ones out there, especially with the hero commission being as prominent as it is. I'm pretty sure All Might could murder half of the country, and they'd cover for him," Dabi shrugged, "That's probably why my brother has such a grudge against them, I'm sure he's one mishap away from going all 'Viva la revolution' on them," Dabi chuckled at the image of Izuku taking on pro-heroes three times his size (and winning, of course).

The man hummed in curiosity, "Is your brother a villain? That sounds like a pretty radical way of thinking," The man asked,

"Ah, no. He's aiming to be a hero actually he's just very, how do I put this, He's very chaotic good," The man raised an eyebrow again, at that, "Like, He wants to help people and make a change in the system, but he's also aware he can't just be a good hero and set a standard because nobody would follow a quirkless person's lead. He's set it in his mind that he's gonna bring the system down in the most legal way possible so that people will have to listen to him because they could ignore him if he was a villain by claiming he was morally wrong, but if he does it legally there's no denying what he reveals." Dabi explained, "There's also his whole thing about harming them being an easy way out because it's better to watch them 'Marinade in the people's hatred'," Dabi put air quotes around the end of his speech.

"That's. That's actually pretty clever, does he have a plan to go about that?" The blue-haired man asked, looking increasingly more intrigued.

"Yeah actually, he's been working on this giant project against Endeavor since we met. He wants to slowly discredit smaller heroes to show there's a problem, before going after the commission for constantly covering for people like Endeavor, and how people like All Might set an unnecessary standard that leads to people being seen as lesser and essentially creates villains. It's really complex and I probably shouldn't be spilling this all to a random stranger at three in the morning." Dabi face-palmed after realizing he just revealed his brother's big plan to a total stranger that could very easily report him to the commission. Izuku was going to strangle him if he ever found out. Good thing Dabi can erase the camera footage from the room.

"Relax, I'm not gonna run off and report you or something. I agree with your brothers pretty smart, I'd love to chat with him sometime. My name's Tomura by the way, Shigaraki Tomura," The newly dubbed, Shigaraki stuck his hand out for a handshake. "Nice to meet you fellow All Might hater, You can call me Dabi,".

The two men shook hands and talked for another few hours before the sun came and Shigaraki decided that he should probably head out. The man promised to come to visit again and Dabi erased the camera footage.

~~~~
"Ne Dabi-nii~ You want to explain to me why I got a notification on my phone saying that footage had been removed from the cafe around three in the morning?" Izuku asked the next day, while he was washing some dishes before he was off

"Um no?" Dabi chuckle nervously.

"No? That's fine. You see it wasn't too hard to find granted I back the cameras up on my handy-dandy paper clip, and you all judge me for dating a pigeon, when you've got the hots for a three in the morning mystery man?" Izuku raised a brow, a smirk on his face. Dabi turned red before having the realization of the century.

"Woah woah woah, back that truck up for a second. DATING? Since when are you dating the pidgeon?" Izuku's smile fell as quickly as it had appeared on his face.

"You know what? Why don't we just forget this happened? Yeah? A brotherly truce where we don't tell Toshi or Kacchan any of this because they'd tease both of us mercilessly?" Izuku asked frantically getting ready to make his getaway, but Dabi grabbed his shirt collar, "Oh no you don't. Spill."

Eri who was sitting across the cafe with Kacchan, Hitoshi, and Kouta perked up after hearing that secrets were gonna be spilled. "Toshi-nii, Why does Dabi-nii look so happy about Izu-nii hiding something?" Eri tugged her brother's sleeve making him look up from his phone. "I actually don't know, wanna go find out?" Hitoshi smirked picking up Eri and Kouta, "C'mon Katsuki, we're going on a family road trip. Isn't that exciting?"

The group walked over two the duo to find out what was going on, "Toshi! Your brother has a date in like 30 minutes and he just didn't tell us? What kind of nonsense is this?" Dabi tugged Izuku's ear, "Ow! Dabi stop! It's barely a date and we only planned it yesterday night! He bamboozled me! I just wanted to beat him up and he offered dinner and who am I to refuse an offer like that?" Izuku whined, "Besides, you all don't get upset when I go out with Kacchan without telling you all. Why is this so different?"

Hitoshi raised an eyebrow, "The difference is you won't be getting pregnant if you go out with Katsuki," Eri gasped loudly, "IZU-NII IS GONNA HAVE A BABY?"

"What! No way! For real?" Kouta yelled and put his ear to Izuku's stomach, "Eri I don't hear anything," Kouta frowned, "Wait let me try,". Eri wore the most serious expression a child her age could manage while trying to hear the baby.

Customers around the cafe were all turned around to watch the spectacle, while the group could barely speak from laughing so hard. "No guys, Hitoshi was just joking, I'm not gonna have a baby," Izuku fought back his laughter, "Oh, well can you have a baby? I want a little sister," Eri asked, and Kouta nodded with her. "I'm very sorry to tell you two, but I won't be having a baby, but if I ever end up having one you two will be the first two to know, Deal?" Izuku stuck his pinky out which Kouta and Eri both accepted.

Once the group had calmed down, Katsuki was the first to speak up, "So, Hawks, huh?" He elbowed Izuku, who proceeded to groan and stomp away, "Leave me alone! I'm going to go change so I can kick his ass and then woo him in style," Izuku announced while he stormed up the stairs.

The patrons of the cafe proceeded to clap for their local green bean. A few people yelled out a "You get your mans!". Izuku just groaned louder.

Chapter Text

Shigaraki Tomura has been having one hell of a day. He started it byy crashing after having three am coffee with an attractive barista, then when he got up 2 hours later he decayed the last roll of toilet paper and had to have Kurogiri warp more in. Later, some crazy chick in a schoolgirl outfit attacked him when he went to go purchase more toilet paper, he panicked and decayed the girl's knife only for her to BITE HIM in retaliation. While trying to get away from the damn psycho, some bitch ran face-first into him and accidentally activated her quirk, which happened to be a zero gravity quirk, and sent him flying into freaking space, so some dumb hero with wings had to fly up and get him down.

After all that you would think the universe would give him a break, but no. He got to the store only to find that they were completely out of toilet paper. So, like any normal civilian, he decayed the shelf and marched to the cafe to have some tea and pleasant conversation. The universe wasn't done fucking with him yet though. When he got to the cafe he had to watch a shrub and a birdman argue about how they wanted to get to a studio. Birdman wanted to fly but shrub wanted to walk because apparently, the birdman 'hadn't hit a relationship level where his hands could be within 6 feet of his equator'. After 5 minutes of them blocking his path they decided to play rock, paper, scissors, and birdman won, so shrub sighed and yelled 'FLY ME TO THE MOON, BIRDMAN' and let the bird pick him up. 'One day universe, we'll fight, and when that day comes, my victory will be glorious' Tomura mentally cried.

All of these unfortunate events lead to Tomura's most current predicament: The 4 small children standing in front of him glaring (well, at least he thought they were glaring, he couldn't tell with the sunglasses they were all wearing) at him with their arms crossed. If it weren't for how he felt like his life was in genuine danger, he would think it was pretty cute.

"Are you the guy, Izu-nii told us about?" The youngest boy asked.

"I- um- maybe? Dabi why do I feel like my life's in danger?" Shigaraki pleaded to the man behind the counter. Dabi knew that there was no chance of saving him, so he just shook his head and shoved his face in his hand. Shigaraki was ready to cry. The youngest boy stomped his foot.

"We're asking the questions here, bucko!" He pulled down his glasses enough so that Shigaraki could see his glare and KNOW he meant business. "Yeah, you heard Officer Spike, bitch!" The pomeranian boy growled. Like literally growled. Shigaraki was ready to piss himself. Never in his life had Shigaraki been g r o w l e d at. 'Officer Spike' just nodded.

The purple troll doll slapped the blonde on the back of his head, "Officer Porcupine, please refrain from such language during our investigation," 'Officer Porcupine' just huffed and glared at him.

"So, Mr.ThreeAmMan," The little girl cut in. "IF that's even your real name,". Shigaraki's jaw dropped, 'Mr.W H A T?'

"That... That is definitely not my na-,"

"Silence! What are your extensions with Dabi-nii?", She leaned over and whispered to the troll doll, "Was that the right word, Officer Eggplant?". 'Officer eggplant' gave her a high-five and whispered, "Close enough Officer Unicorn,". They both returned to their glaring.

"I... I literally just want coffee," Shigaraki sounded so defeated, it was almost enough for the officers to back off. Almost being the keyword.

"Well, as a warning for future reference you best be careful with our big brother, or you'll be met with the full force of the Dabi protection squad," Officer Eggplant glared.

"If you even look at him wrong, we won't hold back. You'll regret ever breathing in his direction," Officer porcupine barked, sparks popping from his hands. The rest of the officers nodded.

'Officer Spike' pulled a nicely sealed envelope from his back pocket, "This is a letter from Queen Green. I'd read it real carefully if I were you, bucko,". The group gave one last glare before the children were picked up and carried to another spot, while a laughing Dabi approached him.

"What did 'Queen Green' say?" Dabi wheezed. Shigaraki sighed, because seriously why is life like this?

"'If you hurt my brother, I'll destroy your life and beat the fear of paperclips into you, Love Queen Green' What the hell does that even mean? What deity have I unintentional pissed off?" Dabi just snorted at his potential date mates despair.

------------

Somewhere off in the far away land of Japan, Hawks shivered, a sense of foreboding creeping up on him

"Are you okay Keigo?" Izuku asked. He had just walked out of the bathroom, they had finished sparring (a spar in which Izuku absolutely destroyed Hawks) and Izuku wanted to change before he even thought of going in public. He wouldn't be caught dead in a sweat-covered tracksuit, with his make up smeared everywhere. He changed into a black cropped sweater with dark red pants and a pair of white striped wedges. His make up was also back and less smudged than ever.

"I'm fine, I just feel like my life's gonna be in danger soon. You look nice," Keigo stood up from his chair and stuck his arm out to Izuku, "Ready to blast off?"

Izuku interlocked his arm with Keigo's, "Thanks. By blast off you better mean walk, we are not gonna go by air again. I only let it fly - pun intended- last time because I wasn't dressed for success," Izuku gestured to his now 'ready for success' outfit. Hawks just pouted, "I'm only agreeing because that as a good pun and the restaurant is like 5 minutes away,".

They walked into the restaurant and were moved to a seat towards the back, so they weren't disturbed. Despite having only graduated very recently, Keigo was already pretty popular and had shot up faster in the rankings faster than any hero to date. It was especially impressive because Keigo had skipped a year in middle school and was officially the youngest pro in Japan.

"So, I've been meaning to ask this since you kicked my butt," Hawks started, stopping to slurp his water, "Do you have a quirk?".

"Um, what?" Izuku just stared at Keigo. He'd been asked many times what his quirk was, but he'd never been asked if he HAD a quirk. Even Dabi and Hitoshi had assumed he had some sort of speed or intelligence quirk when they first met.

"I mean you have this whole 'I'm so cool I could beat you up with my bare hands, no quirk needed' vibe, ya know? It's pretty cool. Unless you do have a quirk and I'm offending you? I just mean it didn't really seem like you had one when were sparring, it just seemed like you're just really good at what you do and train really hard? I really hope I'm not being incredibly offensive right now," Hawks rambled. Izuku cut him off with his mildly hysteric laughter.

"Sorry, sorry. You're not being offensive, you're right I don't have a quirk. I've just never been asked IF I have a quirk, people usually credit my skill to some quirk and not the fact I've been training since I was little. Thanks, Birdy." Izuku smiled at a flustered Keigo, "You're welcome? Where'd you learn to fight like that anyway?"

"I went to a few dojos and took lots of dance classes. I also took a bunch of EMT classes growing up, so I know a lot weak points in the body. There was also that time I met a vigilante, his name was Stendhal, and that man was obsessed with knives and swords. He's the reason I'm so fast, and alarmingly good with knives. I wonder what happened to him? I still have the dagger he gave me though," Izuku pondered while Keigo smiled nervously, "Should I be nervous about the knives thing?"

Izuku shrugged, "Not really. Unless you're planning on giving me a reason to use them?" Keigo shook his head, "Nope. Not even for a second. Why would I want to upset such a cutie?"

Izuku blushed and let out a little laugh, "So Keigo, do you have a quirk or are you actually part pokemon?"

"I wish," he sighed, "It'd be way easier to find a trainer than to find an agency. Like seriously, all of these agencies are serious sticks in the mud. I've never been more bored at an interview in my life. Like you're talking to the guy whose favorite mode of transportation is 'zoom' and you talk 1 word per hour," Hawks dramatically threw his hands in the air.

"Hmm. Why not just start your own agency then? You're already pretty popular for a rookie. You'd be able to move at your own pace and I'd be happy to help you set up from a business aspect,".

"That's actually a really good idea. You'd really want to help me?"

"Yeah, it sounds like it could be a fun time and I guess you're pretty cool," Izuku shrugged, a small smile on his lips.

"I knew it! You've already fallen for my charming personality and stunning looks!" Hawks cheered.

"I suppose I have, huh?" Izuku hid a smile behind his glass, while Hawks beamed at him.

-----
Somewhere else far away in Japan, Midoriya Hitoshi crossed the finish line at UA's recommendation exam. After his earlier debacle with the Three AM Mystery Man, Hitoshi had rushed off to UA so he could take his entrance exam for UA. Having studied with the Midoriya family his entire life the written portion had been a breeze. He'd been taught most of it by Izu when he was 12, but that wasn't the part he was afraid of.

The physical portion of the exam was his worst nightmare. It was a race, which wouldn't be too bad granted how much he trains, except he's racing a guy who can make himself fly, a girl who could literally pull cannons out of her tits, and his brother's brother that wasn't actually his brother, who could literally ride on ice.

So like any normal person faced with this problem, he yelled: "HOLY SHIT IS THAT A TIGER?". Which in hindsight sounds dumb, but it worked. The other examinees all replied in someway, so Hitoshi took control, told them to wait thirty seconds before going, and ran like hell.

He could hear Shouta and Izuku's maniacal laughter the whole run to the finish line.

------

Hawks dropped Izuku off in front of the door to the cafe. The two had got on like a house on fire and Izuku had already agreed to a second date. They'd spent the whole time talking about the potential Hawks agency and poking fun at one another.

"Keigo, I had a really great time, text me later?" Izuku asked taking his bag from Hawks.

"I'm glad you had a good time! I promise I'll text you, scouts honor," Hawks saluted. Hawks spread out his wings, so he could take off, then proceeded to turn red and stare at Izuku in contemplation.

"Um, Kei-" Keigo cut him off by jumping forward and kissing his cheek before squeaking a 'goodbye' and flying off.

A blushing Izuku just stood in the middle of the street staring dumbly at the spot. Little did he know, Keigo was no better. He had almost flown into three signs on his way to his house.

The staring continued for a solid two minutes before someone's snickering broke Izuku out of his daze. "Can't believe the Almighty Queen Green got his brain fried by a chicken,". Hitoshi walked up with Kouta and Eri trailing behind him.

"Izu-nii! Did you get a baby?" Kouta asked, eyeing Izuku's stomach.

Izuku choked on his saliva, "No. No, I did not." Eri and Kouta pouted while Hitoshi muttered, "You better not have".

"Baby's aside, Hitoshi how'd the entrance exam go?" Izuku grabbed Eri and walked in.

"It went fantastic, Kouta, Eri, Katsuki, and I all went out for dinner afterward to commemorate how much I didn't fail. Also, I met Shouto and he was glaring at everybody as we had personally attacked him, which was kind of odd,".

"Yeah, that's probably not a good thing. But good job Toshi, I'm proud of you!" Izuku hugged his brother.

"Dabi, please don't tell me the kid with the Dabi Protection Squad is Queen Green. I've never been more afraid of someone I've never met." There was a man hunkered over the counter chatting with Dabi.

"Okay, I won't tell you, but I will tell you to tread carefully," The man groaned.

"I feel like that probably means I should run for my life before I get paper clipped to death," The man stood up writing something on a napkin, "Text me sometime?". The man then bolted out of the cafe at speeds that would make Ingenium jealous.

"Was that the mystery man?" Izuku asked.

"Yup!" Eri chirped, "Katsuki-nii said if he steps out of line we should punch him into the sun!"

Izuku just sighed and decided he was done for today.

Chapter Text

"Izuku hurry up! We have to go we're gonna be late for the exam!" Katsuki was becoming beyond frustrated. He had stopped at the cafe so he could have a bagel and ended up waiting for his dumbass friend to search for some stupid ass paperclip.

"I'm sorry! I'm coming, but this paperclip is the ticket to causing unholy fathomable amounts of mayhem and I refuse to pass it up," Izuku came jogging down the steps in the ugliest outfit Katsuki had ever seen. What shade of green even is that?! "DABI, TOSHI, ERI, KOUTA! We're leaving for the exam now!"

"Hold your horses! You are not leaving this establishment without a hug from the best siblings on Earth," Hitoshi came sprinting from the back, two kids in hand and Dabi hot on his trail. Eri and Kouta grappled his legs and Hitoshi and Dabi sandwiched him. Katsuki stepped back and smiled, the family despite being really annoying is pretty sweet. ' I wish my family were more like that... '.

"Katsuki! Why are you just standing there! Get in here we're having a family hug!" Dabi waved Katsuki over, ignoring how shocked Katsuki looked. Katsuki cautiously walked over and put his arms around Dabi and Hitoshi.

"Katsuki-nii! Izu-nii! Good luck!" Eri cheered!

"Make sure you kick some robot butt!" Kouta fist-bumped the air.

"We all better be in the same class or I'm raising hell," Hitoshi said.

"I'm sure if you're not all in Shouta's class, He'll be the one raising hell," Dabi laughed, breaking away from the hug, "Alright, you two gotta scoot, Get out of my sight!"

Izuku looked at the clocked, muttered an 'oh shit' and started sprinting out the door, Katsuki hot on his trail. Katsuki wouldn't trade it for the world.

----

The exam had gone by pretty easily despite the loud robocop who kept reprimanding him, The rat principal eyeing his paperclip during the written portion, and the girl who almost fucking died. Other than that it was a blast. Izuku got to fuck shit up with a giant robot and run around blasting debris so examinees didn't die. Nezu needs to fix that issue. The whole exam was easy-peasy and now Izuku had the sole bragging rights of passing the UA exam with just a paperclip. Now all they had to do was wait a few weeks for the results.

Yeah, not really. They asked Shouta to just send the results to them because nepotism is a beautiful thing.

Unless you're talking about Aizawa Shouta, the world-renowned sadist. He just loves to watch us marinade in anxiety. Jokes on him though because not only is nepotism a great thing, but hacking is a pretty good thing too. Which is why the Midoriya family (Bakugou included), was out getting ice cream in celebration of all 3 Midoriya boys getting into class 1-a. Shouta was in for one hell of a year.

-----

BirdBoy:
My dearest green bean! Your chariot to the promised land hath arrived!

Green Bean:
Thank you! We'll be out in a second!

"Toshi! Kacchan! Chicken boy is here! Grab your stuff and move it" Izuku yelled, trying to herd his siblings out the door.

"Do you have all your stuff? Your lunch? Pencils? Shoes? Paperclips?" Dabi worriedly asked, rambling like an anxious mother sending her children off. Which honestly he kind of was.

"Dabi we're fine! Promise! But we're gonna be late if we don't start heading out!" Hitoshi said running out the door.

"I know, I know! You three be safe, please! No overthrowing governments or assaulting teachers, please!"

"No promises!" Three ran out the door to the waiting chariot.

"Hey, bean sprout! Are you ready? This is your first step to being a hero! okay maybe not first, but you know what I mean" Keigo took a few of his feathers and made some weird feather-like hoverboard for two of the brothers to ride on, opting to carry Izuku.

"Oi! Your hands better stay away from his ass or I swear on my life I'll take those hands away from you," Katsuki yelled, Hitoshi preferred to just glare from his wing contraption.

"I pinky promise!" Hawks stuck up his pinky, then took off without warning, leaving all three of them panicking.

----
Before any of them could even begin to yell at Keigo, they were being thrown into the window of class 1-A (Hitoshi and Katsuki were thrown, Izuku was just gently set down).

"Izuku. You have horrible taste in men," Hitoshi whined, rubbing his head.

"I don't know about that, we've made one hell of an entrance," Izuku gestured to the stunned class. Most were staring, openly concerned while others just muttered a small 'what the fuck'. The most notable reaction being Todoroki Shouto's look of pure anguish, which became more defined when Izuku skipped up to him.

"Hi! I'm Izuku Midoriya! You're Shouto right? We should be friends!" Izuku smiled, the two brothers stifling a laugh.

Shouto glanced at him with a look that screamed 'please kill me now', "No. No, we really should not,"

"Aw c'mon! If you anything like the other good male Todoroki, your brother, we'll get on swell!"

"You know Natsuo?" Izuku had officially piqued his interest.

"Problem child. You're not here to make friends," Shouta descended from the ceiling, shoved in his sleeping bag. If Izuku wasn't in the middle of a groundbreaking conversation he would have compared him to a majestic cacoon, waiting to be hatched, but he was, in fact, having a conversation.

"Oh really? Why don't you tell that to Mic then?" Izuku sassed. Most of the class looking at him in shock and mild fear.

"Why don't I tell that to Nezu when I expel you?"

"Because we both know I have a monopoly on your coffee, plus Nezu wouldn't let you anyway. Rat man really loved my paperclip,". At this point, people had officially written him off as a delinquent, the blue kid from the exam seemed especially disgusted.

"It causes me physical and emotional pain to know that you're right. Go sit down or we'll fight. To the rest of you who aren't a pain, I'm your homeroom teacher Aizawa Shouta, go put on your gym clothes and meet me in the field," Aizawa gracefully walked out of the room, pretending he didn't find the confused looks he was getting hilarious.

"And that's how you fuck with people like a pro," Hitoshi muttered to himself.

----
Obviously, Izuku, Hitoshi, and Katsuki were first out of the locker, all three cackling at what had transpired in the locker room

"Shouta, oh my god, your students are so dumb," Hitoshi tried to explain, "Half of them were afraid of Izuku, 2 of them called him cool, Todoroki just kept staring, and Tensei's little brother declared his undying hatred for people like delinquents like Izuku," They all laughed harder, even Shouta cracked a smile, then told them to shut up and get in line when the rest of the class showed up.

Overall, the physical test had gone pretty smoothly with only a few little hitches. Like the small rivalry Lida had created between him and Izuku. Izuku didn't really care, but he loved the face Lida made when Izuku beat him in the race. That face got even better when he yelled at Izuku for not taking the test seriously by not using his 'speed quirk' during the long jump. Izuku almost pissed himself laughing when he told him he didn't have a speed quirk and implied that he had taken it all quirkless.

There was also the time when Hitoshi did the ball throw by controlling Katsuki and having him throw the ball. Which was pretty chill until he ended the command by having Katsuki hug Aizawa. Shouta had never canceled a quirk faster in his life.

There was also the moment when Hitoshi chimed in and corrected Yaoyozuru when she said that the expulsion threat was definitely a joke.

"Oh? And exactly how would you know that?"

"Because he expelled his entire class last year. And he's my dad." Aizawa turned red, slapped Hitoshi on the back of his head and proclaimed that: 'No. No, he is not'.

Katsuki felt it necessary to state that, "If anyone was Hitoshi's dad it would be Izuku since he's Hitoshi's guardian,".

"You can call me 'Daddy' if you'd like, Toshi," Izuku snickered.

"Save that for the chicken, Zu," Hitoshi retorted.

But out of all the chaos they were creating, the most unfortunate event had been Koda Koji's ball throw. Mostly because this time it wasn't one of the terrible trio causing chaos. It was Shouta.

When Koda had stepped up to the plate to throw the ball he had called a hawk to carry the ball farther for him. The moment Shouta smiled that terrifying smile, Izuku knew his life was over.

"Careful, Koda," Shouta yelled to the confused boy, "Izuku over there has a thing for birds, Hawks especially. You should really keep them away from him," Izuku felt his soul leave his body.

"WHAT THE HELL HAS DABI BEEN TELLING YOU!?" Izuku screeched.

"Nothing actually, it was Eri. I came for coffee and Eri told me that 'Izu-Nii is gone because he's getting a baby with the pretty bird man'"

"I hate everything. I'm spitting in your coffee tonight."

"That's fine. I'll still drink it anyway," Shouta shrugged.

Izuku groaned, "Shouta Aizawa. You're expelled.". That was the moment Lida Tenya gave up, Todoroki started a new conspiracy theory, and everyone else contemplated whether or not UA as really an elite academy.

Chapter Text

Class 1-A was currently on the bus to the USJ and Izuku could not be more anxious Aizawa had decided that class 1A was going to go to the USJ before their first heroics class. He had seen All Might's lesson plan and decided that that was a very good way to end with a bunch of severely injured teens, so instead, Aizawa snatched up their hero costumes and decided they were going to test out their tools and quirk limits before All Might killed them. After the fiasco with the press the other day Izuku has had this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach and he just couldn't place why. The feeling just got worse and worse as they closed in on their field trip.

"Zu, you seriously need to calm down. It's gonna be fine. This is UA their in constant contact with pros. Nobody is gonna get hurt." Hitoshi had been watching his brother freak out the entire time they were trying to board the bus, so he sat by him and was now rubbing his backing in hopes of reassuring him. Truth be told, Hitoshi was getting nervous as well, when Izuku has a bad feeling it's never good.

"I know that, but just something doesn't feel right. The way the gate was decayed the other day just isn't normal. Someone is planning something and I just don't know what," Izuku kept wringing his hand, glancing around nervously.

"How about you text your bird, and I'll go let Shouta know. We can even hand out those communicators you like to keep on hand,"

"That's a really good plan, Thanks Hitoshi, "Izuku smiled while Hitoshi got ahold of Keigo.

Green bean:
Hey Keigo! My class is going to the USJ right now and I have a really bad feeling in my gut. Do me a favor please?

BirdMan:
Sure, green bean. Whatcha' need?

Green bean:
If I don't reply again in the next 20 minutes, call me. If I don't answer I need you to contact UA and try to get pros out here ASAP.

BirdMan:
Alright, can do bean. I'll let Dabi know as well.

"Alright Zu, I let Shouta know and he said we can use the communicators, you've just gotta explain them to everyone," Hitoshi plopped into the seat next to me.

"Thanks, Toshi you're the best." Izuku got up and stood on top of his seat.

"Alright 1A fuckers! I've got a really really bad feeling in my gut right now, so I'm gonna hand out these communicators so I'll be able to track everyone in case something goes wrong."

"Excuse me! Are you questioning the integrity of-" Iida was cut off by a very enraged Izuku.

"Iida. Do not start this shit with me right now. I'm too anxious for this shit and need to explain how this is gonna work in 10 minutes. So please sit you pompous ass down and let me speak. Shouta already knows what I'm doing," Iida had never been more disgusted in his life, but still sat down.

"Any more unwanted opinions? No? Fantastic. The earpiece Hitoshi is going to hand you all is my communicators. They let us talk over them and allows me to see your location via my handy dandy paper clip. When we get to the USJ you are going to tap the button on the side, it allows you to speak, and you are going to say your name so the device syncs to you," There were a few nods while other just looked at the device, "These communicators ride on a private wavelength, so if somehow someway something interferes with signals we can keep in contact. My brother, Hawks, and Nezu all have a connection to them. If they were to be interfered with your best bet is Hawks because he'd be the closest. I also texted Hawks and let him know to send heroes if I don't reply in the next fifteen minutes," More nods from the group, and a couple of curious looks, "Now, before we go in there I need you all to break into groups of 2-3, and if it looks like the group is going to be separate you grab them like your life depends on it, and once we're separated you contact me and tell me who you are with a where. I'm not trying to say something bad is going to happen and worry you, but please be cautious. Any questions?"

Tsuyu was the first to speak up, "Does something bad usually happen when you get worried?"

"Almost always. That's why I'm so worried. I'm not just trying to freak you all out," Mina raised her hand next.

"Why exactly do you have Hawks' number?"

"Because I'm dating that stupid pigeon, don't get me wrong, he's pretty cute, but goodness is he dumb" Izuku smiled fondly. Most of the class was in shock because who would have thought Class 1A's most problematic member was dating a whole pro.

"Excuse me! That is no way to talk of a pro her-" Iida was cut off yet again.

"Did you not hear me? I'm dating him I can call him a dumb pigeon as I please. Not to mention he's the one who threw us through the window on the first day, so I am free to tease him. Besides, heroes are people too, so if I want to say that Eraserhead smells like a patch of wild roses, I can. I can also say that Endeavor is the human embodiment of an STD: A burning pain that nobody can seem to get rid of" Izuku stated. Iida shut up, despite looking like he wanted to protest. Shouto snorted extra loud. The only hand left up was Hitoshi's. Izuku sighed and raised his eyebrow.

"So, if your dating Hawks, does that mean I can have a baby sister, Dad?". Izuku craved death, and Katsuki was crying in laughter.

"I hate everything you stand for." Izuku sighed.

~~~
The class had finally made it to the USJ and Thirteen was beginning to finish up their speech when Izuku's stomach screamed to get out. He looked around frantically and saw a swirling purple thing on the floor. Shit.

"Guys. There is something hysterically wrong. Get with your groups and start running to the door. NOW." Izuku whispered into the communicator. He grabbed onto Hitoshi, Yaomomo, and Shouto, and started to make a run for it. The rest of the class quickly followed suit, grabbing onto their group members.

"Iida! Do not argue with me. Take Uraraka and Kouda, and get the hell out of here. Signals are jammed. Uraraka make your clothes lighter and run like hell with them. Kouda try to get some animals to lead pros here. GO. To everyone else, Hawks is gonna call me in a minute. He'll try to get here as fast as possible when I don't answer, stay with your groups." Izuku commanded. Hundreds of villains started to exit through large portals and Izuku knew this was going to be an adventure.

"Pardon out intrusion UA, but we're here on a mission against All Might if you could point us to him?"A man-made of gas, and wearing a suit asked.

"He's not here. That idiot is probably trying to find the class because he didn't read the newsletters. Who even are you?" Izuku yelled, glancing at Iida's group making it out the door. Thank fuck. Izuku mumbled into the mic, "The mist bitch has rings in his form. It's probably a weak point. Don't attack. Thirteen don't use your quirk he uses multiple portals and would probably redirect. Hand bitch is gonna get his ass beat after this."

"Pardon me! I'm Kurogiri of the league of villains. It seems I'm going to have to separate you all. Master Shigaraki doesn't seem too pleased."

Shigaraki stood in the center scratching his neck, "Do it Kurogiri. I'm sure All might will come if we kill some kids."

"As you wish," And then the group was ripped apart, Thirteen and Eraserhead diving to the center.

~~~
Hitoshi, Yaomomo, Shouto, and Izuku were stuck in the middle of a boat and Izuku was absolutely fuming.

"I swear to all things holy I'm going to throttle that bitch when this is over. You fuckers judge me for my taste in men! Dabi is trying to court a whole villain." Izuku mumbled angrily.

"Izuku you need to calm down. We have to get out of here before anyone gets hurt," Hitoshi shook his brother.

"Right sorry. We should be fine. We just have to get out of here and stall like hell until Keigo calls me in like 5 minutes. These bitches didn't factor in that my sugar birdy is the fastest pro around." Izuku sighed, starting to pace, but continuing to swear under his breath.

"Ignore him. He gets vulgar when he's angry. Can you tell us how your quirks work so Zu can make a plan," The other 2 nodded.

"I can make ice. I can probably freeze them all into the lake and we can make a break for it," Shouto suggested.

"That won't work," Izuku chimed in, "You see that ugly fucker over there? His quirk lets him change the temperature in water. Boiling or freezing it won't work."

"I can create anything I know the structure of using my lipids. I don't know if that will help much."

"I can brainwash people when they reply to my questions,"

"I'm quirkless- don't make that fucking face, I could break your damn hand in less than a second Todoroki- But I also have a paperclip, a shit ton of explosives, and a plan." MysteryThreeAmMan was going to regret his life as soon as Izuku got off this fucking boat.

Chapter Text

Keigo Takami is utterly infatuated with his kinda-boyfriend. He's witty, kind, a total badass, and talented beyond compare. Keigo can safely say he'd sell all of his childhood Endeavor merch for him. Which is why he is now pacing around Cafe Midori while Dabi stared at him.

"Hey Chicken Man, You good?" Keigo jumped when Dabi abruptly broke the silence between them.

"I'd be good if your brother weren't so cryptic!" Hawks squeaked and threw his hands in the air.

"What do you mean cryptic? Is he alright?" Dabi asked.

"I think so? He texted me and said to call him if he does reply in twenty minutes and to call UA and get to the USJ if he doesn't answer when I call," Dabi slammed his head on to the counter muttering a 'shit'.

"I hope you have the communicator that Izuku gave you. When Izuku thinks somethings wrong then there's definitely something wrong. Knowing his luck he just predicted a whole villain attack and is currently fighting for his life with a bunch of teenagers. He's probably on a boat too because that's just how life is," Dabi guessed, and alarmingly specific guess actually.

"Does this happen often?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't be too shocked if we showed up and he's bitching out the villain. That's just his thing," Dabi was just too casual about this.

"WE aren't showing up anywhere. I can't bring you along if anything happens, you're not licensed and I don't wanna lose mine for civilian endangerment." Hawks said as firmly as he could. He really did want Dabi to come, he was nervous and Dabi was oddly comforting to be around.

"Would you let me come if I promise not to engage and pretend I accidentally stumbled on the scene?" Dabi smirked.

"I don't know what you're talking about. You want to go where? It would be really odd if you somehow ended up in the same exact villain attack, that's 10 miles south from here. What a small world that would be!"

"You catch on quick, Bird. Now call my brother, so I can accidentally-" Hawks was cut off by the sound of a turtle slapping it's little turtle hands against the cafe window. Hawks tried to bring it inside to make sure it was okay, but the little turtle bitch bit onto him and started dragging him.

"I think that I might not need to call him. This seems like an Izuku scheme," He then looked up and saw Ingenium's younger brother, a girl with brown hair, and a boy with animal surrounding him going flying past, "Yep. I definitely need to go."

~~~
Keigo Takami was utterly shaken on how Dabi predicted the whole thing. Izuku was actually about to bitch out a villain, and frankly Keigo was too entertained to intervene. Dabi seemed to agree because he pulled out his phone, grumbled something about 'never trusting a man you meet at 3 am', then started recording when Izuku stormed towards the villain who was attempting to monologue.

Everyone in the area seemed to freeze at the feeling he was giving off. He marched up to the head villain, taking out thugs who attacked him with very minimal effort. He saw Shouta pinned by the monster while Shigaraki laughed and his aura instantly went from 'dark' to 'so dark you would think it was Katy Perry's horse'. He was utterly pissed.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" Izuku screeched. The people who were hiding behind a ledge seemed ready to drag him away if it weren't for Hitoshi telling them he'd be fine.

"I-I" Oh yes. Shigaraki remembered him. Who could forget Queen Green? The boy who put the fear of paperclips into him with very minimal effort. "I fucked up big time. I take it I can't go back to the cafe for a while?"

"You won't have time to even think about coffee after I fucking castrate you asshole! Seriously? You hit on my brother at Suspicious as Fuck O'clock, then have the audacity to attack my class? Does my paper clip mean nothing to you asshat! I could ruin your villain career with this paperclip, you hear me Handjob? Get your ugly ass bird bitch off of Shouta or I swear to fuck I'll break all of your damn hands before my actually attractive birdy can even get over here! Seriously, what a poor excuse of a bird! If you were gonna make a giant people crushing bird, you could have made him pretty! That's a disgrace to all bird people everywhere! See, Hawks is crying! Look what you did!" Izuku gestured to Keigo, who should probably interfere, but was way to entertained by Izuku's lack of restraint. He was crying though, not because his feelings were hurt, but because Izuku was just too much sometimes.

"Come on! Get your lackies, pack your shit, and go. I swear to fuck if Ghastly over there doesn't stop moving shit I'm gonna be double angry, and I'm already cussing up a storm, so I'm SURE you don't want to see me double angry!" Izuku's eye was twitching, like cartoon style, bar fight, twitching. He was so over it. "I'm going to count to three and if I see any other ugly ass birds, gas abominations, or human embodiments of dandruff causing mayhem I'm going to lose it." Izuku was now rubbing his temples. He was treating a literal villain attack as if he was dealing with a frustrating child. By the way, Shigaraki huffed, stomped his foot, then stormed off, Izuku wasn't too far off. Except angry child left the ugly bird.

"You're kidding me! This dumb bitch must be deaf! He left his overgrown scab! What even is this thing?" Izuku was now raging. He was very done, so he just threw his last bomb (the others having been used to make a whirlpool in the conflagration zone) at the thing's brain and stormed off towards Keigo.

"Is... Is he always like that?" A dumbfounded Momo spoke up.

"Unfortunately." Hitoshi sighed

"I want to be his friend." Shouto declared.
~

"Birdy! You aren't gonna believe this! I was just trying to have a nice time and this loser who's been hitting on my brother just decided that it was villain time! The worst part isn't that everyone was in danger or anything, it's that I know for a fact Dabi is still gonna give him a chance! That hoe gets attached when he likes people! I promise you within a month Dabi is gonna claim he reformed the hoe and he's gonna get him a job at the cafe, and I love Dabi so obviously I'm gonna le-" Izuku's rant was cut off by a large man slamming the door open. Keigo jumped towards Izuku, while Izuku just groaned loudly.

"I AM. . .HERE? Where's the villain? Am I really that late." There was a few small nods among the crowd, and then there was ever adorable, Izuku.

"It's a little late for this now, All Fuck! You should've been here like 20 minutes ago! I already bitched the villain out, took out the ugly scab thing, and was trying to have a lovely conversation with the pro who got here on time, so you know the whole class didn't die!" Izuku huffed. Everyone wanted to be shocked that Izuku could just yell at the number one hero, but honestly, they all felt a little annoyed about it as well.

"I'm sorry, but how would you have taken that thing out. Aren't you ya know...?" Izuku knew he meant quirkless. He really did.

"Gay? Yes, I am All Might. Not sure how that affects my ability to fuck up villains and say mean words, but whatever floats your boat I guess. Birdy, can we please walk away before the Pasta Man gets me. Dabi can deal with the other siblings"

~
"Izuku. Who was the guy with the dark cloak? I saw him come out of Ruin zone with the frog girl. I think I want him to intern with me one day. I like his quirk."

"Please don't tell me you're trying to recruit him because he's a bird."

". . . "

"You're an idiot."

"Oof."

Chapter Text

"Shouta. Please. Tell me this is a joke." Izuku was not pleased. They had just been through a villain attack and principal opossum was insisting on carrying through with the sports festival. He was spouting some nonsense about 'showing that UA is still strong'. Like yeah, you're strong, but the only reason everyone survived was that the villain had a thing for my brother, and it can't be guaranteed that my brother can woo every villain in Japan. Not that his brother wasn't attractive or anything, but even Dabi couldn't love some of those villains at the USJ. (He means the guy with a face for a stomach. He can leave his sight).

"It's not. If you want to protest take it up with Nezu. I have no power here. So, if you want to duke it out with Nezu be my guest." Shouta flopped on to the floor as the bell rang to dismiss class. Rude ass caterpillar.

Izuku was ready to fight more, but the newest issue had just begun. A flood of students blocking the door. He really just wanted to eat.

"What in the name of Nezu are you all doing right now? This is a fire hazard! If I were to suddenly start a fight with Katsuki, and he blew up the room you'd all be dead!" Izuku yelled. He pushed through 1A to get to the door and reprimand the students.

"Oh? And what do we have here? Some 1A scum who thinks he's the boss now?" Some obnoxious kid with blonde hair said 'intimidatingly'.

"No. I'm some 1A scum who doesn't want to burn to death because some pre-pubescent assholes blocked the exit. Like seriously 1A has some of the most potent quirks in the school and you block the exit? Half of this class could maim you on accident just by sneezing. Now move. I'm hungry and my dearest pidgeon was really excited that he made me lunch. So unless you're personally going to explain to him why I didn't get to eat his prized lunch, you gotta skeet out of my way." Izuku then proceeded to push through the obnoxious crowd, his limited edition Hawks bento on full display.

~~

"Can you believe it! They blocked the door! The whole door!" Izuku cried. Shouto had decided to sit with the trio and was now being subjected to Izuku's rant.

"It was quite dumb of them," Shouto nodded and slurped his soba.

"UGH! I know! Who even let them do that! And Shouta just watched it! I was really hoping he'd emerge from his cacoon in defense of his beloved class and save us! But no! That stubborn caterpillar just slept! I'm SO spitting in his coffee tonight." Izuku huffed and shoved a piece of chicken in his mouth. It was really good, Keigo did a good job.

"Mhm," Todoroki mumbled. The guy was totally not listening.

"Anyway, anything exciting happening in your life? I've got nothing other than the usual crime-fighting and occasional pregnant cat to deal with." Izuku huffed and put his face into his palm.

"My life isn't that exciting. But we do have an actual heroics lesson coming up. Last I heard All Might was supposed to be teaching it." Shouto hummed, still slurping his soba.

Izuku slammed his head on to the table loud enough to startle Shouto into dropping his soba. That was probably the worst thing he's done today, Shouto looked so heartbroken.

"I... take it you're not a fan of All Might?" Shouto asked, trying to clean the soba off of himself (and occasionally eating noodles that weren't too dirty).

"He's a total penis. He told me I couldn't be a hero the first time I met him. Which is rude granted I had just beaten sludge villain ass when he showed up. Like okay, sewer rat, I caught the guy you couldn't". Izuku rolled his eyes. He really couldn't stand All Might. The guy was a complete idiot. Not everything can be solved by punching.

"I believe you. Not all heroes are the greatest," Shouto took an oddly long sip of his water.

"Glad you agree. There are still good heroes though. Eraserhead and Hawks aren't too bad. I think we should have them switch with Pasta man and Lava girl"

Shouto smiled slightly, "I feel like you're biased, not sure why,".

"I wonder why. Prolly cuz I find one of the two incredibly attractive." Izuku huffed out a laugh.

"Wonder who that could be." Shouto pretended to look like he was debating the answer.

"It's Eraserhead. Hawks is cool and all but have you seen Shouta's sleeping bag?" Shouto let out a very undignified snort.

Chapter Text

"I am...ENTERING THE CLASSROOM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!" All Might's voice boomed. Izuku's head instantly throbbed. Toshi, Kacchan, and Shochan all looked at him with varying levels of sympathy.

"That was the exact opposite of normal," Izuku grumbled. He immediately took out his phone so that he could text Keigo and try to tune out the misfortune that was destined to happen while he was in a class with pasta bitch. The only thing worse that could happen would be if Robocop decided to lecture him again- and here he comes.

"Excuse me, Midoriya! Our esteemed teacher All Might is trying to speak! It is extremely disrespectful for you to be on your phone while he tries to teach!" Iida yelled, his arm already doing the choppy thing. Do you think he has to oil his joints at night to get them to move like that?

"Iida. Please just leave me alone. I already have to sit through a lesson with All Might of all people. Please just let me vent to Keigo or I might just cry," Izuku sighed. He really doesn't like All Might- the hatred is mutual.

"That is unacceptable! You are in UA! The number one hero has graciously offered you the opportunity to learn under him and you are disregarding it! That is incredibly unbecoming of you!" Iida gasped and ranted at him.

"Okay, but All Might doesn't like me? And I don't have some powerhouse quirk, so the absolute worst person for me to learn from would be All Might. Hagakure, Hitoshi, and Yaoyorozu will have a similar issue granted they can't as easily 'quirk' their issues away. Speaking of, you three are welcome to join me for training if you'd like to work on hand to hand." The mentioned people all made a noise of acknowledgment. Yaoyorozu seemed especially excited after seeing him handle the USJ.

"Excuse me!" All Might boomed. "I'm trying to teach and I would appreciate it if all phones were put away."

Izuku rolled his eyes and mumbled "Snitch". Hitoshi and Kacchan snickered.

"Now that I have all of your attention! Grab a suitcase and we shall meet at ground beta for our first training exercise of the year!" The students cheered and quickly ran for their costumes. All Might constantly looking at Izuku (like a creep).

~~

"Holy shit Izu you look good!" Kacchan yelled and patted Izuku on the head.

"Thanks, Kacchan you look pretty cool too," Izuku smiled.

"Damn right I do!" Katsuki cheered.

Izuku had known from the beginning that he was going to be an underground hero. His methods are too brutal and efficient for a daylight hero and he was already well acquainted with the underground. So, he took all of that into consideration when he made his suit. He knew that he already had a reputation so he had to completely hide his identity and what better way to do that than to swap your gender?

The costume was a dark green skirted suit. The top was tight and had chest plating under it that gave the illusion that he had a slight bust. The top had cut-outs on the side that both showed off his hips and made them appear slightly more curved and acted as added pockets for his paperclips, lockpick, and small supplies he may need later.

The skirt was made to flare out just slightly enough to appear like he had a larger waist. Around his waist was multiple compartments on a belt that held medical supplies, different types of gun ammo, a few small throwing knives, and different varieties of bombs he could throw (Smoke bombs, stun grenades, explosive bombs, electric bombs, bombs that just made noise, you name it, he has it in a small marble-like form). He also had two separate halves of his steel staff in loops on the belt.

Then came the boots. They were knee-high white boots that made his legs look much slimmer than they really were. They had retractable cleats in the bottom that help him scale walls at night. He also had several things hidden in and on the boots, He had two very large knives in his left boot, and a small handgun in his right.

Then there was his masks and gloves. The mask was built as a respirator that would help hide his voice and it also worked as a recorder and communicator to get information out. He also had glasses that helped make his eyes appear bigger and more feminine but actually acted as a hero GPS. He also had elbow-length gloves that acted as a grappling hook and a tazer.

All in all, Izuku was decked out in weaponry and hot as hell.

~~

"Excuse me? What are you doing leaving the males locker room! That is completely unbecoming of a future heroine such as yourself! You should respect the male's privacy and change with the other girls!" Iida yelled at him. Apparently he had done a fantastic job of looking like a woman.

"Oh? What if I was transgender and you just berated me like that? Isn't that completely unbecoming?" Iida stuttered out a rebuttal, "Besides, I am a male. I just need to hide my identity so it's easier for me to go underground. I'm Midoriya."

Izuku walked up to the rest of the class and tried his hardest to ignore the random whispers going around wondering who the new chick was. There were also several not very PG comments, but jokes on the straights, they were getting all worked up over a trap.

"You guys all look fantastic! You look like a true batch of heroes!" All Might scanned over the crowd. It became apparent after a minute of staring that he was looking for someone. "Um, Where is young Midoriya? Did he get lost?"

Izuku groaned and raised his hand, "I'm right here. You're a teacher shouldn't you know what the costumes were?".

"Yes, but I didn't realize it was that... feminine," All Might stuttered.

"You can just say you thought I was a girl. That was the point of the costume. Gonna hide my identity and all that,".

"Very well then. ANYWAY! I have an exercise planned for today! I was originally going to have you all fight in a building, but Aizawa wasn't very pleased and made me make a new plan entirely. So instead we are going to do a one on one fight. Two people are going to enter the city from different starting points and your goal is to either disarm them or capture them. You're welcome to use your environment to your advantage but I'm primarily looking at quirk use," Izuku felt as if something there was targetted at him, he just couldn't figure out what.

~~
All Might through the roster for teams up on the board.

Todoroki v. Bakugou
Ashido v. Shinsou
Kaminari v. Kirishima
Sato v. Tokoyami
Ayomama v. Hagakure
Yaoyorozu v. Oijiro
Uraraka v. Asui
Sero v. Shouji
Jiro v. Kouda
and Iida would pick whoever he wanted to fight.

"Um. Excuse me All Might it seems you've made a bit of a mistake." Izuku was absolutely seething. It's almost like this fucker had never been in a classroom. A class activity usually implies the WHOLE class.

"No. I haven't made any mistakes. The roster is perfect. Granted your... situation, I felt it better that you don't join in on this exercise." All Might said firmly. Izuku was going to fucking maim this asshole.

"Oh? What situation All Fuck? Is it the being gay thing? I mean fucking birds shouldn't-" Izuku started to sass.

"We BOTH know that's not the reason. I'm the teacher, so what I say is final. You're not doing this exercise." All Might yelled. Oh, it is so on.

"Excuse me? Are you aware I was the top scorer of the entrance exam? Because last time I checked this is a one on one battle in an urban setting. That's something I excel at. I also excel at using my fucking brain to know that what you're doing is completely biased and discrimination." Izuku growled.

"Izuku Midoriya. I've had enough of you disrespecting me. I'm the teacher and I say you're not doing it." All Might gritted his teeth. He was not letting this quirkless kid fight, he'd die.

"Oh? And give me one valid reason why my 'condition' prevents me from doing something like this when I'm carrying at least 70 bombs," Izuku was not very pleased. For the number one hero, this guy was a real penis face.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE USELESS! YOU'LL DIE!" All Might erupted.

It was like the air froze. Nobody had called him useless since he left school. Nobody would dare call someone as talented and powerful as Izuku 'useless'. So what made All Might believe that, despite all of the effort that Izuku put in to prove himself, that he somehow had the right to discredit his life work?

"Okay." Izuku sighed, he turned around and walked out, "I'm going to Nezu's office. That was completely not okay for a teacher to say to a student, that was completely messed up and the fact that you're a teacher disgusts me." Izuku sneered and walked out. Hitoshi, Kacchan, and Shouchan quickly following behind. Shouto looked particularly disturbed. Not only was the number 2 hero an awful person, the number one was a total dick.

They walked to Nezu's office, the awkward silence behind them was unending.
~~

"KEIGO! Are you working right now?" After having a long- hopefully, career-ending- chat with Nezu, Izuku had walked to the empty class 1A with his boys and called Keigo.

"No, I don't work for another few hours. Why is something wrong? Do I need to fight somebody?" Keigo asked making Izuku smiled.

"No, no. Unless you want to duke it out with All Might I suggest you don't pick a fight. But I'm out of class for today along with Toshi, Shouchan, and Kacchan if you want to do something? You can meet us at UA, we can hit the town and I can tell you what happened while we plot All Might's demise?" Izuku offered. Shouto was very lost, do most people date by making murder plans?

"Yeah! That sounds like a good time! I'll be there in like two minutes, 1 minute if no fellow birds get in my way!"

"Fantastic, fly safely. Bye, Birdy!"

"Bye Greenbean!"

Izuku looked at the others in the classroom who were looking at him curiously.

"It appears we're going to go wreak havoc with an oversized pidgeon!" Izuku cheered.

"Imagine we all get 'fuck All Might' tattoos," Toshi snorted.

"No. I think we should all get All Might's face tattooed on our asses. It works with all the shit he was talking." The boys laughed, Shouto looked extra confused.

"Are we actually getting tattoos? I feel like my father would hate the idea which makes me really want one. Also, pidgeon?"

"The pidgeon is my kinda-boyfriend. We're dating, but haven't made it totally official. We were joking about tattoos, but like if you all really want to do that we can?" Izuku offered. The others thought about it for a second before they all nodded, "Great! We're getting tattoos from a shady guy who doesn't check ID, woop!"

"That sounds dangerous... " Toshi mumbled.

"That's called living on the edge!" They all jumped when someone suddenly yelled from the window.

"Birdy!" Izuku cheered.

"Greenbean!" Keigo yelled back. They then ran at each other and hugged. Kacchan proceeded to pretend to vomit. He's a real comedian.

"So what's the plan for today? I don't patrol until the night, so you've been blessed by my presence all day," Hawks chirped.

"We're getting tattoos," Shouto said, a slight smile on his face.

"Alright then. I take it we're going somewhere shady that doesn't need parental permission? Or am I going to be daddy Hawks for the day?" Keigo asked, laughing way too hard at his own joke.

"We're going somewhere shady, but you can be daddy Hawks later." Izuku winked, Keigo turned bright red, and the other three all pretended to vomit. What a world we live in.

Chapter Text

Today was not a good day. School had been let out an hour ago and his problem children were nowhere in sight. He couldn't even go check the cafe to make sure they were okay because Nezu wanted him and All Might to meet him in his office. That of its own was an issue. If there was one place Shouta didn't want to be it was Nezu's office, especially not with, as Izuku would say, the Pasta man.

"Nezu! Can I ask what this meeting is about?" All Might said, way too loudly for being the same shape as a stick.

"I recently had a meeting with Midoriya. There was some... unfortunate information shared with me. I figured that since Aizawa is his homeroom teacher he should be here as well," Nezu said. He wasn't smiling and that made Aizawa want to run. What did the problem child do now?

"I do have some concerns about young Midoriya I've been meaning to bring up actually," All Might stated, "I worry that he may not be fit for the hero course,". Aizawa's eyes narrowed.

"Oh? Why would that be?" Nezu asked, his paws intertwined and he leaned forward towards All Might. Nezu knew something that Aizawa didn't.

"Well, his attitude has been completely unheroic. The way he speaks and his direct disregard for respect just shows that he's not cut out to be a hero. Not to mention his treatment of his classmates and his crass language, it's also very clear he hates heroes. He also blatantly disregards authority and clearly can't cooperate. He acts very villainously if you ask me." All Might stated. He seemed completely oblivious of the murderous energy the two other parties were giving off. How dare this utter idiot disrespect Aizawa's problem child?

"Oh really now? Because everything you just said is utter bullshit!" Aizawa growled, "He's one of the smartest and kindest kids I've ever met. You know he owns a cafe right, a cafe where the whole staff is his adopted family? His adopted family of people that he saw and took in without hesitation? Did you know that 2 of those kids are in your class? And by the end of the week, I guarantee he's going to adopt another classmate. You know, from the class he apparently disrespects? Did you know that the only reason he snaps in class is that Iida Tenya doesn't like him and repeatedly gets in his face? Why is it okay for Iida to be rude, but not Izuku?" Aizawa was going to bite his fucking face off.

"Aizawa, it's clear you're opinion is biased. I'm just bringing up genuine concern," All might glared back.

"Are you now? Because all I hear is you being a prick. You just blatantly called a child a villain. Besides he doesn't fucking hate heroes. He's been training to be a hero since he was a kid. He works as an informant for heroes for Nezu's sake! He's dating a pro! Don't you think there's something wrong when you're the only teacher he doesn't like? I bet my entire career that you did something shitty and that's why he can't stand to be around your pompous ass. I know I certainly don't like having you around me." Aizawa scoffed.

"This isn't about me! This is about a child who acts villainously!" All Might snapped at him.

"Bull. Shit. We both know that's a damn lie. Name one time he acted like a villain!"

"The moment I met him at the USJ he began cussing me out and trying to turn his class against me! How is that not villainous? I was trying to help and he berated me and another student who was trying to remind him of the school rules!"

"Oh I get it now, you're mad because he doesn't like you. You're mad that for once someone isn't kissing your ass! Just because he doesn't like you doesn't mean he's a damn villain! I hate your stupid face too! Am I a fucking villain now?"

"Well, you sure are defending him a lot! Who's to say you're not the reason the villains got information about the USJ!" All Might yelled. Aizawa was going to teach this palm-tree looking bitch several lessons.

"Excuse me? I'll throttle you!" Aizawa glared, his quirk flared up and All Might fell back to his noodle form.

Nezu decided that enough was enough. He just bought a new desk and doesn't want it destroyed. "Boys! Please get back to your seats. I would hate to have to lose an employee because my desk was destroyed". Aizawa crossed his arms and slumped back into his seat.

"Now Yagi, I, unfortunately, have to agree with Aizawa. Your treatment of Midoriya is utterly unacceptable. And after speaking with him earlier, I feel that Midoriya's dislike of you is well placed. And so far from what I've witnessed of Class 1A, several students have exhibited the other traits and flaws you're claiming. So Yagi, why is Midoriya a concern? What is this REALLY about?" Nezu said, his voice was deathly serious. All Might gulped.

"I don't think it's wise for him to be a hero." All Might said, as firmly as he could.

"Why. Is. That? I hope it's not because you feel he's useless." Aizawa shot back out of his seat.

"DID. YOU. CALL. HIM. USELESS?!" Aizawa gritted out. He was pissed. No wonder Izuku hates this guy.

"Yes! What else was I supposed to say! He refused to listen when I asked him to sit out of the exercise! He had no right to speak to me like that! Plus, he was dressed like a woman! He was clearly treating my class as a joke."

"He made his costume feminine so he could easily go undercover you absolute piss-baby. Not all of us can throw a tantrum and punch our problems away. Not to mention what you did was discrimination. We all know what this is about, but Nezu help us if THE All Might admits that he's a quirkist asshole." Aizawa was furious. His fists were clenched in tight fists and his face had gone bright red in anger.

"Aizawa breath please," Nezu poured him a cup of tea and slid it across the desk, "Now, All Might. He's right. What you did was discriminatory and the way you spoke to him was entirely unprofessional. If it weren't for the fact that you're here due to special circumstances I would fire you on the spot."

All Might gawked, his jaw dropped and eyes wide, "What! I wasn't discriminating! He's weak, he would die!".

"Are you stupid or did all that shit you've been eating go to your brain since your stomach can't take it," Aizawa mumbled into his tea. Nezu should probably reprimand him, but All Might deserved it.

"You singled him out and excluded him despite his obvious qualifications to do it. All Might, I personally understand why Midoriya would dislike you as much as he does. Being treated like you're lesser than is disgusting. So, for that reason, your position as Class 1A's heroics teacher is being terminated. You are now going to work as a teaching assistant for heroics. You are not to teach the class alone and you will not speak demeaningly to Midoriya ever again. I'm going to work out a system to have the heroics teacher rotated so the students will get to work with a wide variety of pro's and see skills outside of relying on quirks. Whatever pro comes in for the week will become your superior and you are not to question them. All Might you're dismissed." Aizawa had never felt more satisfied in his entire life. All Bitch had it coming all along. Watching him walk out with the look of shock on his face was beautiful.

"Aizawa, please don't spread that picture of All Might you just took. He looks so pitiful it's sad. But do send it to me please." Nezu took an extra-long sip of his tea.

"Of course. Any idea who the first pro you want them to work with will be?"

"Oh. I have an idea."

~~~
Somewhere across town at a shady tattoo parlor, Hawks shuttered and Izuku smiled.

Izuku just knew that someway, somehow, he had just been blessed by the mighty opossum.

Chapter Text

Izuku and his ragtag team of misfits had just left school and were now gathered in a questionable tattoo parlor on the spooky side of town. The crew had decided to go through with their tattoo idea. Izuku had been the first to go and was now sitting with Keigo in the corner of the shop, and watching Hitoshi and Katsuki hype up Shouto.

Izuku had decided that a subtle tattoo would be his best option so it wasn't recognizable between his underground identities. His tattoo was behind his ear and was drawing of three small gears as a nod to his reliance on work and ingenuity rather than a quirk. Shouto had decided to get a tattoo on his forearm of a blue rose that was meant to look like ice. Katsuki had settled on an ankle tattoo of a large flame on top of several small boxes and explosion like pattern behind it. And Hitoshi got a purple and blue tattoo of sound waves on his wrist. Hawks decided not to because he's in the public eye too often.

"Keigo," Izuku nudged Keigo's arm to get his attention away from his round of Candy Crush. "I have an idea."

"What's going on up in that cute little head of yours, green bean?" Keigo cooed. He was doing it just to embarrass Izuku. Izuku wasn't going to dignify it with a proper response.

"I think I'm going to get custody of Shouto." Izuku declared, his eyes were determined, so Keigo couldn't even attempt to take it as a joke. It wasn't even too shocking in hindsight.

"That's fair. How are you gonna go about that though? I don't doubt your judgment, but Endeavor isn't an easy target and you're not exactly old enough to get custody of someone, especially not in a custody battle against there biological, extremely powerful, parent." Keigo asked. Izuku had thought the same thing in the amount of time he'd spent debating it while watching Shouchan interact with them. He knew the moment he even thought about snatching up Shouto that it would be difficult, but Shouto deserved happiness just as much as anyone else.

"I know, but from what I know about the Endeavor household, Shouchan just isn't okay there. He's such a nice guy, and he doesn't deserve whatever is going on in that house. I know from 'sources' that with the quirk Shouchan has, he must be getting hell. Goodness Keigo, he doesn't even use half of his quirk and I'm willing to bet I know why!" Izuku had started clenching his fist in his lap, Keigo noticed and gently pulled his fingers apart and interlaced them with his. Izuku sighed, "It's gonna be tricky, but I've got a lot of blackmail on Endeavor. It shouldn't be too hard to con him into signing Shochan over. But that implies that Shouto and everyone agrees. I can't just claim him as mine."

Keigo hummed and pulled Izuku into a side hug, "So, the top two heroes are penises, you're purchasing a new child, and you're going to blackmail the number two hero. Any other important information I should know?"

Izuku laughed, "Yeah, I don't know how to tell you this Keigo, but I'm extremely gay."

"You're kidding, right? I thought this was no homo? Are you telling me I've been trying to snag a not straight boyfriend?" Keigo huffed, and crossed his arms 'angrily'.

"Oh? You've been trying to snag me? It's almost like you want me to be your homosexual boyfriend or something," Izuku said 'nonchalantly'. Izuku was actually feeling very chalant about that comment.

"Hm. Maybe. If I were to ask do you think said not straight boy would say yes?"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask," Izuku shrugged. Izuku is pretty sure he heard someone yell 'fucking idiots', but he prefers to pretend he didn't.

"Good thinking. Dearest green bean, would you do the honors of being my totally official not straight boyfriend?" Keigo asked, as dramatically as ever.

"Of course, Pidgeon!" Izuku squeaked and hugged Keigo.

"Fucking finally!" Kacchan yelled.

"They weren't together before?" Shouchan asked, looking extremely lost.

Hitoshi stared at the two new boyfriends for a minute. Then he smirked, and Izuku immediately knew something was up. Toshi walked up to Keigo and stared him straight in the eye.

"Hello, step-dad," Toshi said with a dead serious look. Sometimes Izuku wonders why he lets his brothers anywhere near his social life.

Hawks looked mortified. Keigo was too young to father a sassy teenager, but he couldn't let Izuku down.

"I vow to be the best Papa bird for you imaginable," Keigo pledged, his hand on his heart and his eyes determined.

"No, Keigo. You don't have to do tha-" Izuku tried to stop his winged loser from being more ridiculous, but said winged nerd was having none of it.

"Izuku I've got this. I can't be in a relationship with you and not your kids. It's going to be a struggle since I'm so young, but I have no plans of letting you or your family down. Now, how do good fathers act? I never had one of those." Keigo whipped out his phone and started Googling. Izuku was going to explain that he wasn't actually their father, but Keigo was already in his own little bubble.

Katsuki was snickering while getting tattooed, Hitoshi looked way too proud, and Shouto was also contemplating what a good father does.

"I GOT IT!" Keigo suddenly shouted, "After you're all tatted up we're going to go play catch at the park, get pizza together, and I'll practice giving advice and making puns. It's perfect."

Hitoshi snickered, "Izu, you got yourself a real keeper there."

Long story short, Keigo was a surprisingly good 'step-dad'. Hitoshi decided that he was good enough for his brother after watching how well everyone got along with him. Katsuki wanted to throttle the bird after his 42nd dad-pun (he wouldn't admit it, but he thought the bird was alright). Keigo and Shouto had instantly bonded and Keigo formed a very fatherly/brotherly bond with him and had given him some genuinely good advice regarding social interaction. Izuku decided that he wouldn't have it any other way.

Or at least that's how Izuku felt until Keigo had gotten a call asking him to teach 1A up until the sports festival. A whole week of awful dad jokes. Nezu help him.

Chapter Text

Izuku stood up with a sigh as the bell rang dismissing class, "Hey! Wait a minute, I'm supposed to make an announcement," Aizawa sighed tiredly and read off of a notecard, "Due to recently unprofessional behavior, All Might will no longer be your primary heroics teacher,".

"What!"

"That's not fair! All Might is a great teacher!"

"Yeah! He was so nice to the class!"

Izuku scoffed, "Yeah, he was nice to the strong kids in class. He doesn't know anything about teaching, he may be a successful hero, but you don't have to worship his every move,". Izuku could feel the glares of his classmates on his back.

"You're just mad because he yelled at you for being disrespectful!"

"Yeah, this is totally your fault!" With that multiple shouts of outrage rang through the classroom. Hitoshi and Kacchan both shot up to defend their brother but backed down when Izuku waved them off.

Izuku stood and slammed his hand on his desk to shut the class up."What he did was blatant discrimination. He refused to let me participate based on my quirk and topped that off by calling me useless. As a teacher, he has no right to insult and belittle students. It doesn't matter if he was nice to you all, not all heroes are as good as they seem. So, sit down and let Shouta finish," Izuku addressed the class.

Aizawa ran a hand down his face, his frown prevalent, "Well said Problem Child," Aizawa then turned to the whole class with his quirk active, "What he did was wrong and a violation of school code. Just because you like All Might or don't like Izuku, doesn't make what he did okay by any means. You're all training to be heroes, if you can't distinguish basic discrimination from discipline then you can get out of my classroom. If I ever hear or see you blatantly discriminating against someone you will be expelled."

"Woop! Fuck 'em up Shouta!" Toshi yelled.

"Hell yeah! You tell those fuckers who's boss!" Kacchan cheered, hands popping. Followed by a shy 'woo' from Shouchan.

"I hate all four of you. Anyway, Nezu made a new system, so that you can al get a wide range of experience with different pros, you'll be switching every month or so. All Might will be an assistant teacher. Leave now, please." Aizawa flopped down into his sleeping bag, and somehow instantly fell asleep.

~
"I wonder who the new teacher is gonna be?" Whispers bounced around the cafeteria. Some speculating, other targetted at Izuku for being so 'unheroic, there were only one or two mentions of what All Might said being wrong. They were really careless for future pro heroes.

"Midoriya is such a jerk. How could he get the number one hero fired? It's totally villainous. He probably has a villains quirk and that's why he couldn't join the exercise." Hitoshi scowled at that comment.

"I can't believe Endeavor's son hangs around him. How is he going to be a hero as good as his father if he's hanging out with people like him!" Shouto flinched.

"Right!? I mean, Bakugou makes sense. He's so crass, but I don't see how Midoriya was able to make friends with how mean he is to everyone. It's like he doesn't care about anything." Bakugou snapped his chopsticks.

"I really don't see how he plans to become a hero if he's so cruel to others, what's he gonna do? Get the villain fired for not liking his quirk?" Izuku frowned. A few others laughed at the comment.

"Seriously! I don't see why Aizawa likes him so much. He acts so barbaric. I'd like to smack some sense into his mother for not teaching him any manners,". A few kids snickered. Izuku couldn't tell what was worse: the fact that these people were going to be heroes, the fact that people thought that talking about someone's mother like that was funny, or the fact that he couldn't even bring himself to defend himself. He just sat there with his eyes wide.

Shouto jumped forward and pulled Izuku into an awkward hug, he wasn't good at comforting people, but he'd try. Katsuki immediately jumped up and started yelling at them to keep their mouths shut. Hitoshi called up Dabi and had him put Eri and Kouta on the phone. Nothing cheers Izuku up faster than listening to them prattled off potential baby names.

And finally, lunch ended and the quartet somberly went to their heroics class.

~

When Keigo walked into the classroom he was expecting many things, but not one of them included a sad Izuku being comforted by his sons.

"Hello Class 1A!" Hawks chirped despite the atmosphere of the classroom, "I'm your teacher until the Sports Festival! You can call me Hawks! But you also probably know my sweet little green bean and his sons! I promise there won't be any favoritism towards them!". Keigo just kept on smiling despite how confused they all looked. Keigo was pretty sure Izuku told them they were together? Did they seriously already forget?

"Hi Hawks-sensei," Izuku waved with a slight smile. Who hurt the green bean and where can Keigo find them? (Litle did he know he was staring at the culprits).

"Hi father figure!" Shouto whisper-yelled. It was really only loud enough for Hawks and the immediate area to here, but Keigo smiled brightly anyway.

"Alright, well this class is a real barrel of laughs. You can all just head to Ground Beta with your costumes on. Me and All Might will meet you there," Keigo waved them off and waited for a moment to snatch Izuku into a hug, "What's wrong? You've been all doom and gloom since I got here? How can I help Izuku?" With that the dam broke. Izuku was ugly crying into Keigo's shoulder. Keigo rubbed his back and pulled him into a tighter hug until he was finally able to calm his sobbing.

"Are you okay to tell me what happened?" Keigo murmured into Izuku hair.

Izuku nodded, " The class is mad at me for getting All Might's job taken. They're all blaming me, which is fine, I guess, but they're taking it out on Kat, Shou, and Toshi. Fuck, someone even started talking about my mom. I know they don't know about her, but they LAUGHED while insulting my mom. They said I don't care. They called me a villain. They insulted Kacchan. They even compared Shouchan to Endeavor. I know I swear and get snippy, but I didn't think I was that awful," Izuku broke off into sobs while clinging tighter to Keigo.

"Hey. You're not awful. All Might had no right to talk to you like that, and he deserved to be demoted. He should have known how to handle a student. You were so hard for everybody around you. You're sweet and caring and if they can't see that then that's their own faults," Keigo sighed sadly, "Besides, they can't talk like that in a heroics course. I can't do much now because I'm a temporary teacher and would be considered biased, but you're best bet is to go to Aizawa or Nezu about this, okay? They'll help you, I pinky promise," Keigo stuck his pinky out an locked it with a sniffling Izuku's.

"Sounds like a plan, birdy," Izuku wiped an unholy amount of snot onto his sleeve.

"Good. Now, wanna see something cool, Green bean?" Keigo smirked at Izuku. Oh no.

Hawks stepped back and pulled open his jacket to reveal his white shirt with bright letters that read, "Proud dad of a few dumb*ss kids". Izuku snorted and punched Keigo's shoulder. Keigo really knew how to cheer him up.

Keigo decided that if the shirt made Izuku so happy he was going to wear for the rest of his life, (or at least until he stops teaching).

Chapter Text

Midoriya Izuku has never had plans to be a conventional hero. He knows that to do it right he's going to have to let his morals waiver to get the job done. He doesn't mind using dirty tricks and underhanded tactics, a life saved is a life saved.

Now, keeping that in mind, Izuku has never believed in petty vengeance, it's just too much of a hassle. But, someone insulted his mother, so pardon him if his punches are too hard and his tactics are a bit ruthless during class today. He may or may not have made sure to 'accidentally' trip into Iida and make him slam into the door, but nobody can prove it so it's chill.

Izuku made his way out of the changing room, coming out last after he finally left Keigo. The first thing Izuku noticed was the glares coming from all of his classmates, except for his squad and surprisingly Yaomomo. Then he noticed Iida immediately attempting to lecture him for being late and making a bad impression on the new teacher. But the best thing he noticed was how utterly distraught Keigo looked. Oh yeah, Izuku was dressed as a woman.

"Ah, sorry I'm late sensei, I got a bit held up on the way here," Izuku called out as he walked up next to Katsuki, a slight sway in his hips and then bowed towards Keigo (he may or may not have winked at him).

"It's, um, it's fine," Keigo cleared his throat awkwardly, "Just try not to be late again,"

"Of course," Izuku smiled at Keigo and started chatting with Katsuki while they waited for the lesson to start.

"I AM HERE! As an assistant teacher!" All Might yelled as he entered the classroom late. Izuku bit his tongue and refrained from commenting, it'd be a shame if he said something 'villainous'.

"Right. This is All Might, you know him. He's going to be working as an assistant to whichever pro hero is teaching you for the week, seeing as he has zero teaching experience and doesn't actually have a teaching license. Lucky for me. Shiketsu requires you to get several different licenses before you can graduate. So, here I am freshly hatched and ready to teach you all." Hawks announced, "So since I'm supposed to prepare you for the Sports festival I figured our exercise should be tournament style so I can get a glimpse at your skills. We'll also some stuff with fighting quirkless and working in teams, but that's a later issue,".

"Hawks-sensei, the class has already had a tournament? Will we be repeating the exercise?" Iida piped up.

"No, you haven't.SOME of the class had a tournament that was poorly organized and showed me nothing of what you all can do. Four of your classmates were out due to unfair circumstances, so we're going to have a new tournament," Keigo explained, "Also just call me Hawks, Hawk-sensei sounds too stuffy,".

"So, the tournament is going to be set on Ground Beta or Gamma. It's essentially going to be a round of heroes versus villains. The winner of each round obviously progresses. If you win you play the opposite of whatever you played in the previous round, So if you start as a villain the next round you're the hero and so on. The villain team's goal is to escape with an item the hero will defend, 'kill' the hero via paint gun, or immobilize the hero. Hero team your goal is to capture the villain, immobilize them, or defend the item until the time is up and 'back-up' arrives. You're welcome to use any tactics you feel will fit. We'll split into 4 brackets of 5, those 4 winners will make a final bracket. Sound cool?" Hawks shot a thumbs up to the class, multiple nods of approval were met from the groups.

Keigo had no idea why everyone looked so excited. These brackets were made specifically to fuck with everyone. He may be dedicated to not showing favoritism, but he never said he wasn't going to make his brackets prove a point.

Chapter Text

Izuku Midoriya has said it once, and he'll say it again: Nepotism is a beautiful (unless you're dealing with Aizawa Shouta-). Dating the teacher was one of the most brilliant plans he's ever had, and it was a totally unintentional plan, but it worked out anyway. Keigo had set up the brackets perfectly for showing off, but Class 1-A didn't seem to catch on that they were gonna get their asses kicked. They all thought it was set in their favor. Absolute baffoons.

The Brackets consisted of: Hagakure, Midoriya, Tokoyami, Yaoyorozu, and Uraraka in the first bracket, Iida, Sato, Sero, Kouda, and Kirishima in the second bracket, Jiro, Bakugou, Shinsou, Aoyama, and Asui in the third, and Todoroki, Ashido, Kaminari, Shouji, and Oijiro in the fourth Bracket.

Izuku could honestly see why they would think this was in their favor. He really could! How could Izuku ever manage to rob an invisible person? How would the loud and crass Bakugou ever dodge someone with a hearing quirk? How would Todoroki beat Ashido if she could just melt ice?

Skill. Duh. By the way the first people up were already looking smug, it was clear they'd never heard of training. The same way they've never heard of discrimination either, but we'll digress.

Izuku was jolted out of his thinking/blatant staring at his teacher when he heard Keigo- very seriously- squawk in indignation. It'd be funny if Keigo didn't look absolutely ready to smack a noodle man.

"Are you still on that shit?" Keigo hissed. He was obviously trying to be quiet, but he'd still gotten the attention of all 4 Midoriyas.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want him to end up embarrassing himself or being hurt. Invisibility is a tricky quirk, it'd be utterly humiliating for him when he loses!" All Might elaborated, his ideas obviously coming from the kindest part of his heart.

"All Might. Knock it off. He's here for a reason, even if he does lose it's no worse than if anybody else here loses. Besides, the only way anyone would end up harassing him over it would be because YOU pitted the class against him," Keigo glared, effectively shutting him up, "You're gonna monitor brackets 2 and 4, I'll monitor 1 and 3. Step in if it's gets too dangerous and DO NOT insult the students,".

Shockingly, the first Midoriya to cheer this time was Shouto, "Hell yeah! Take him down, Dad!"

"Woop Woop! You show 'em who's boss, Step-dad!" Hitoshi whooped tiredly.

"My knight in shining armor!" Izuku swooned dramatically, 'fainting' onto Katsuki who just let him drop to the floor, "I see the wicked witch has arrived," Izuku glared at Katsuki.

"Oh I'm shaking in my boots, I'm gonna have to run from a knife-wielding Pidgeon. Please forgive me, Queen Green," Katsuki 'pleaded'.

"Too late. I'm calling your mother. Mitsuki will have your head on a stake brought before the court by nightfall," Izuku huffed and strutted to field Gamma for his match. Keigo was still absolutely lost.

~~
"Who do you think is gonna win this match?" Yaoyozoru asked, turning to Jiro.

"Hagakure. Midoriya doesn't stand a chance against her in stealth, she's literally invisible. Not too mention, by the way All Might talks to him, he's not meant to be in the hero course," Jiro explained, watching intently as Hagakure hid near a pillar with the scarf in her hand.

"Ah, I think I'm actually rooting for Midoriya on this one. I think he's got a really good shot at it." Yaoyozuro pondered. She had seen Midoriya at work, he was a quick thinker and was obviously carrying a lot of equipment, which Hagakure lacked. If they were caught in battle Hagakure's only saving grace would be that Midoriya can't see her.

"What? Why would you root for THAT guy? He's been so mean!" Uraraka huffed, her arms crossed.

"I must say, I agree with Uraraka. He's had a flippant attitude since the start. I doubt he'd be able to win in a situation like this," Iida stated, an angry look crossing over his face.

"I don't understand why you all factor his personality into this!" Yaoyozoru exclaimed, how could they all be so rude to him? He hadn't done anything wrong in her opinion. Sure he was crass, but All Might had definitely discriminated against him.

"Do you not see how villainous he is? Even All Might doesn't like him," Sero added.

"I mean he can be rude, but that's not villainous. I was with him at the USJ and he's the reason I got out safely! He came up with a plan, under pressure in less than 2 minutes that worked flawlessly! Did none of you see that he's literally the top scorer of the entrance exam? In both practical and written? Why are you all being so rude?" Yaoyozuro was new to the concept of bullying. She was homeschooled and never had the chance to witness people treating someone so cruelly. She hasn't talked to Midoriya much personally, but he seemed nice. He even offered to help train her! How could he be so bad if the principal had sided with him?

"Alright, assholes. Shut it down, don't stand there and shit talk my brother as if there isn't 4 people in this room that would kick your ass in his defense," Katsuki stepped in between Yaoyozuro and the crowd of classmates who were slowly getting more upset with her.

"You heard him. Besides you're all wrong anyway. You've been so busy bitching at her for having an opinion, you didn't even notice Izuku running out of the stadium. He already won, dicks." Hitoshi said, sounding a weirdly perfect mix between tired and proud.

Yaoyozuro looked up the screen to see that Midoriya had, in fact, already made his way out of the arena. Hagakure was halfway across the grounds covered in, rainbow paint? She'd have to ask to look at the footage later.

Yaoyozuro was broken out of her train of thought when someone tapped her arm, "Thanks for defending Izuku. I'm sure he'll appreciate it." Todoroki kind of smiled. It was more of a slight quirk of his lip towards the left.

"Of course he will. The nerd is a sap for shit like that," Katsuki snorted.

"I think he might adopt you too. That's what he's doing to me," Shouto said.

"I... I don't know how to feel about that,".

"I like it so far. I got a cool new dad, a nickname, and 2 new kind-of siblings" Shouto smiled.

"Being adopted by Izuku comes with a lot of cool accessories. Free food and drinks from the cafe, free reign to hug any and all animals in his possession, free ass-kickings that Izuku constantly calls 'training', 4 siblings, a mom who sometimes acts like a drunk uncle, a lame step-dad who is also a chicken, a hobo, and one responsible father," Hitoshi listed off.

Shouto made a confused face, "I feel like I've missed out on like half of my new family,".

"Oh, that's right. You haven't met Dabi, Eri or Kota have you? We'll take you to the cafe after school then. I'm sure Izuku wouldn't mind if you tagged along as well, Yaoyozoru." Hitoshi offered.

"That sounds nice, but only if you're sure it would be alright,".

"It's a public cafe, it's like he's gonna beat you up for coming or anything," Katsuki laughed.

"He's right!" Izuku popped up behind them, scaring all four of them. He was covered in rainbow paint all over his costume.

"Can I ask why you're covered in colors?" Shouto asked.

"Smoke bombs. You'll see in the next chapter," Izuku stated.

"What?"

"Nothing. Yaoyozoru you're more than welcome to come to the cafe with us all. I'm sure if I don't adopt you, Eri will happily claim you as her big sister. I'm just not enough for her" Izuku pouted.

"Oh fuck off. You're just mad because she Chicken man braids hair better than you,".

"It's a totally valid thing to be upset about!"

"Petty."

Chapter Text

Hi! It's me! With a note. I was told that two of my stories from Archive are now on Wattpad without my permission. The only story from Archive that I have posted to Wattpad is Beloved Midoriya on the account MidoriYaas (MidoriYaas is my account). I don't want to put all of my stories so only account users can view them, but that may happen if this keeps going on and if it does I'm sorry to those who just want to read it. But please, do not copy my stories to other sites, without asking me first. I will happily post this on other places of you'd prefer to read them there, but seriously just let me know if you want to reupload it.

In other news, I'll update this within the next two days :) stay safe everybody!

Chapter Text

Izuku perched on a pipe at the start of gym Gamma and searching the area. He had a decent amount of time for searching granted that when he found Hagakure it was game over for her. She didn't stand a chance in hand to hand... or against bombs. The flag he was trying to steal was also bright green so, unless Hagakure put the flag in her mouth, there was no way she could really hide from him.

Izuku pulled out a small set of binoculars he keeps in one of his many pouches and looked for a fast-moving flag. He found it relatively quickly. Just because you're invisible doesn't mean what you're carrying is invisible, so when you sprint down the center of a field with a neon green flag you're really easy find. Apparently, nobody ever taught Hagakure that.

Once Izuku spotted Hagakure's retreating he quickly hopped into action, immediately sprinting from rooftop to rooftop until he was directly behind Hagakure who still failed to notice him. He pulled out a smoke bomb and threw it a couple of streets ahead to convince her that he was farther away and make her run down the next closest street. The street that just so happened to be an alley.

Hagakure walked into the alley and hid behind a trashcan just as Izuku dropped down from the roof with 6 smoke bombs in his hands. He quickly threw the colored grenades out and shouted "HAPPY PRIDE!". They were both covered in rainbow dust and Hagakure was completely visible to Izuku, so he knelt down, swiped her feet from under her, took the flag, and vaulted back on to the room using the trash can for a boost. Izuku quickly took off towards the exit, and Hagakure just wasn't quick enough to catch him.

~~
The next poor guy to have to try to catch Izuku was Tokoyami. He hadn't spoken as cruelly to him as other members of the class, but Izuku was still going to show no mercy. He may have two sets of eyes, but Izuku has brilliant stealth skills and his handy dandy paperclip that let him hack into the cameras and track Tokoyami's location.

Izuku now has 2 options: Wait it out, or do the fun thing and capture the hoe.

Izuku decides to capture the hoe.

Izuku leaped from the building he'd been hiding out in (leaving the scarf behind) and went straight for Tokoyami. Dark Shadow put up a good fight, he was able to register Izuku's quick and sporadic movements with his staff but stumbled the moment Izuku started throwing flashbangs. Izuku quickly cuffed Tokoyami once Dark Shadow was out. That really needs to work on his hand to hand.
~~
The person up was actually the most clever of the bunch, Yaoyozoru. The moment she got into the arena she created a metal box that fastened into the ground to protect the flag and made a shield to prevent herself from being shot. The Midoriya clan (and its affiliates) are honestly the only 1A members with actual strategic skills.

Unfortunately for her, she discounted Izuku's assortment of bombs.

Izuku immediately through a bomb that was filled with hydrofluoric acid and let it coat the outside of the shield. Not enough to get near Yaoyozoru and harm her, but enough to break the shield down enough that a few perfectly aimed hits and the whole thing would crumble.

Izuku flung himself down from the perch he was on and quickly knocked the shield apart with his staff. Yaoyozoru was quick to lock him into a fight with her staff against his. Unfortunately, you should never bring a staff to a gunfight. Izuku ducked out of the way of a swing from her staff and hit her with the paintball on her back. Quickly winning the match. They shook hands and walked to the entrance together discussing their outing for later.

~~
The last (and quickest) fight was up against Uraraka. She thought that the easiest way to sneak behind him would be to float, she clearly ignored the fact that he aims to wait on roofs.

She assumed that Izuku would be on the ground so she floated over the town, but failed to notice Izuku springing across the roof towards her. By the time she noticed him he was already jumping at her and fastening the cuff on her wrist.

Izuku won his bracket.

~~~

The next bracket that was to fight was Shouto's bracket. Everyone in this bracket was totally fucked. He had spent his entire life training his quirk and had an asshole dad who forced him to spend most of his life being sneaky to avoid attention. Getting around these students was no trouble for him. The only trouble was trying to figure out who deserved hypothermia and who didn't (spoiler alert: they all did).

The first poor sap to attempt to take down Todoroki was Mina. She had been so thrilled to fight Shouto because she could easily melt ice, but she didn't account for him out stealthing her to hide his flag. She had assumed he'd put ice over his flag and fight her head-on, but she didn't account for him running out the timer and hiding the entire time. She also didn't account for him freezing her in an ice glacier when there were only ten seconds left. He may have gotten scolded for that, but Shouto relished the tiny bit of revenge he had gotten. Nobody calls Izuku a villain and gets away with it. (Unnecessary force became a trend between the brothers, not one felt bad about it.)

~
The next unlucky guy to try and take down Shouto was Oijiro. The poor guy thought he'd be able to take down Shouto with martial arts. Too bad Shouto is trained by the number 2 hero and has worked with some of the best martial artists in the country. The man was quickly curb stomped and shot with a paintball.
~
The next person to go up against Shouto was probably the funniest match Keigo had ever had the pleasure to watch. Kaminari had been the dumbass who commented on getting a villain fired for not liking Izuku's quirk. He now had ten minutes to torment the guy.

Shouto's costume covered half of his body and with a glowing red eye which effectively made him look like a cyborg. Shouto took a page out of Izuku's book and targetted the electric panel so that the stadium was close to pitch black (except for some light peeking over the buildings). Now, as the hero, he was not actually supposed to be chasing down the villain, but Kaminari was definitely nowhere near him so he took matters into his own hands.

He started walking slowly as possible throughout the arena, making his steps extra loud to alert Kaminari that something was near. When he had finally found Pikachu he started staring at him and ducking behind cover. He made sure to only be in view long enough for Pikachu to see his eye and start to get nervous about being watched.

"C'mon bro, this really isn't heroic at all," were the poor saps last words.

When those words left his mouth Shouto lunged out of a corner and directly towards Pikachu who screamed like a little bitch and short-circuited himself. Shouto had never had a better time had cuffing someone.

~~

The last match was just unfortunate.

His opponent, Shouji, had decided to stand in one spot and just listened to hear if Shouto came close. But Shouto walks really quietly so when he took the alley nearest to Shouji, walked behind him, quietly froze his feet to the ground, and snatched his flag, the guy just didn't notice. He actually had no clue it had been taken until Keigo cheerfully announced his loss.

Only a fool under-estimates a Midoriya's skills.

~~
The next bracket had both Katsuki and Hitoshi in it, but Katsuki was starting the bracket off strong by going up against Jiro. Everyone thought that Jiro had it in the bag because there is no way to out stealth the girl who can hear everything around her. Katsuki wouldn't be able to use his quirk without alerting her of where he was.

Which is totally cool. Just because stealth against her would be tricky doesn't mean he can't overwhelm her until she has to stop using her quirk.

She positioned herself perfectly in the middle of the arena so that she had a perfect range for most of the arena. She was in the perfect spot for Katsuki's plan.

Katsuki used the little stealth ability he had to get around her general area and set up multiple bombs (bombs Izuku had demanded everybody have. The Midoriya's also all have communicators and personal paperclips) that were set to go off at the same time.

Katsuki started making loud explosions to lure her towards the biggest cluster of bombs and set them off and effectively overwhelmed her senses and allowed him to grab the flag and run for it while she winced.

He felt kind of bad when she had to go to Recovery Girl, but then remembered she was one of the assholes who laughed at Auntie Inko. She fucking deserved that shit.

~~

The next fight as up against French Fuck and it went by alarmingly fast. The guy would have been a tough fight if he were built for stamina, but he was only good for 5 minutes tops. The moment he keeled over and puked Katsuki blasted and cuffed him.

~
The second to last fight in this bracket was the dreaded Midoriya V. Midoriya, the brothers match of the century. Not really though, they fought like this all the time, and Class 1A was dumb and didn't even realize they considered themselves brothers to begin with. Like seriously, there's a reason Shouta calls them by their first names, calling them all Midoriya would get confusing especially when the clan just kept multiplying (Shouta is also an honorary Midoriya).

Both brothers were near equal in training, but Katsuki did have a slight advantage because his quirk couldn't just be ignored, but Hitoshi was no slouch either. All he had to do was run out the clock, and Hitoshi was always extremely aware of the things happening around him.

Hitoshi's newest strategy was to hide for as long as he could and hopefully hold off Katsuki in a fight while the timer ran out.

Hitoshi had lasted a solid 5 minutes ducking and hiding in and out of allies and had even spent an extra minute hiding in a trashcan until Katsuki came screeching and kicked the can over and sent Hitoshi flying.

"DUDE, WHAT THE HELL? I WAS COMFY!" Hitoshi shrieked. He was very comfy actually, he had almost fallen asleep in that trash can.

"FUCK YO-" Yeah this wasn't part of the plan, but Hitoshi will take what he can get. He really thought that Katsuki would have the brainpower to not reply to him. He was sadly mistaken.

"Stick out your hands and let me cuff you,". And just like that, the match was over.

"I can't believe you fell for that Katsuki," Hitoshi snickered as the walked towards the exit together.

"Fuck you. I forgot you could do that. I was too distracted by the fact that you were sleeping in a trash can like Oscar the fucking Grouch," Katsuki sneered and shoved Hitoshi's shoulder.

~
The last fight in that bracket was between Hitoshi and Asui. Not Tsu, she was being a penis and didn't let the Midoriya's call her Tsu like everyone else. But whatever, that's her choice. It doesn't hurt one bit... nope, not one.

Hitoshi had immediately gone in for the steal at the beginning of the match and ended up locked in combat with an entire frog who was guarding her flag with her entire life fore. Tsu had the advantage of being both a close range and long-range fighter, but Hitoshi had the advantage of an unwavering ability to catch others off guard.

"Jiminy Crickets. Do you want me to Kermit die or something, you rude ass toad," Hitoshi huffed. He had been dodging kick after kick and one at finally landed on his side, he was not pleased.

Asui's ability to constantly maintain the same expression was beyond him, the girl didn't even flinch. She just looked a bit lost and replied with an "Excuse me?" before throwing another punch aimed for his nose.

"You heard me, toadstool. Do you want me to Kermit die?"

"I mean, I wouldn't mind if that green guy you're always with left, but I don't want you de-" She started, but Hitoshi was having none of it after the first half.

"Wrong answer, Ribbitch" Hitoshi took control of Asui, "Hand me your flag, and do the chicken dance until your loss is announced,".

Then Hitoshi took his sweet time walking out of the arena while Asui busted down.

~~

The last and lamest bracket was Iida's bracket. It honestly just a lot of running on Iida's part. Like seriously, the only skill this guy had was running. Izuku would offer him help, but that would probably be questioning the integrity of Shouta's teaching skills or some shit.

The first match Iida ran in circles for ten minutes and effectively beat Sero, who took way too long to set up a tape trap.

The second match Kouda put up a good fight and had a whole flock of birds chasing after Iida the moment he grabbed his flag, but the birds just weren't quick enough.

The third match he ran circles around Sato and waited for his quirk to run out before giving him a swift kick and cuffing him.

And for the last match, he simply ran up to Kirishima, grabbed his flag, and bolted. Iida's strategy and skills were too much for the mortal realm. (That's sarcasm if you were wondering).

And with that the last bracket as complete.

The final bracket consisted of Hitoshi, Izuku, Iida, and Shouto. The Midoriya's couldn't wait to kick his ass then get coffee. After all, NOBODY insults Inko or Izuku and gets away with it. They can't wait to 'smack some sense' into Iida for not remembering his manners, or is that too barbaric?

Chapter Text

Yaomomo had only been speaking to the Midoriya's for less than 2 hours, and she had already come to one conclusion: they are insane.

The last length of the tournament styled as a free for all, where all 4 competed to either take the flag and get out or be the last man standing. But it quickly turned into a round of 'Keep Iida away'.

The moment the match started Hitoshi and Shouto had brought the fight to the farthest possible side of the arena, and Izuku instantly darted towards the flag, grabbed it, and went to join them. Iida hadn't been fast enough to get the flag or even follow Izuku to the fight.

Izuku made it to the fight and class 1-Ass just stared confusedly at the three fighting and blatantly ignoring Iida. Every time Iida even came close to the group there would be a shout of 'Code Blue' and then one of them would obstruct Iida and they'd all run for it and carry the fighting somewhere new.

The first time it happened everyone was confused beyond belief, Iida had just stopped running and turned the opposite way. They were all too focused on the fighting to hear the Hitoshi shout 'Bitch alert! How'd this hoe get here?' followed by idiots shout of disapproval.

Then later Shouto shouted 'code blue' and the other two brought their fight to a rooftop while Shouto made a giant wall of ice surround Iida so he would have to run about 4 buildings over to catch up.

Then when it had finally looked like Iida would join the fight Izuku went shooting after him and through several bombs at him to give them time to run.

And that's how the match carried on. Over and over again they sabotaged Iida, the boy's anger becoming clearer and clearer as the fight went on.

After a long game of cat and mouse, the 2/3 of the boys started to lag in the fight. They were tiring and Izuku decided then was the time to strike. Izuku lunged towards Shouto, using the wall for extra speed, and managed to get behind Shouto and shoot a paintball before he was able to put another shield up.

The next man down was Hitoshi. Their fight had been one of the more interesting to watch. Their styles were so similar they could basically predict each other's movements, but the deciding factor had been experience. Izuku was skilled when it came to speed and had been able to overwhelm Hitoshi enough to get a shot in.

Now, all Izuku had to do was run out the exit with the flag in hand. He also had to ignore Iida's sad attempt to chase him, but made sure to rub salt in the wound by running down the main road of the arena and doing a few flips and tricks to mock him with.

And that's how Izuku showed up the entirety of 1-A.

~~

"That was a really clever tactic. He looked like he was going to lecture you all for moving too fast," Yaomomo laughed with the brothers.

"I know! Did you see his face when Hitoshi called him a hoe? Fuckin' gold," Katsuki cackled.

"I know. I felt kind of bad when he was trying to chase me, but it's his own fault for talking about my mother in the cafeteria," Izuku laughed with them, before going wide-eyed and lunging to the side.

Izuku looked back to see a fuming Iida. A fuming Iida who had tried to punch him while he wasn't looking

"What the hell was that!" Iida shouted in his face, "I know you planned that. You-you Villain!"

"I did. Battles require strategy. All you did was run in your fights so I used it to my advantage. You just weren't quick enough to even compete," Izuku said, face etched in a frown.

"Besides," Katsuki jumped into the confrontation, "Attack a student is considered bullying. That's the shit that cost All Might his job. If the number one hero is invincible here, then you sure as hell aren't either,".

Iida huffed and glared, storming off towards the crowd of their classmates leaving the room. Several of them empathized with Iida (including All Might who checked to make sure he wasn't too distraught over his loss), but a special few looked over towards Izuku to check if he was alright. At least some of them had morals.

"Are you alright, Izuku?" Shouto asked, worriedly checking over him.

"I'm fine. I'm gonna have to talk to Shouta, though. He'll probably ask Tensei to lecture him about it,'.

"Good thinking. Can we go get coffee now? I'm over this hell hole," Katsuki groaned, already heading towards the changing room.

"Yeah, we can meet you at the gate, Yaomomo. Keigo will probably meet us there too," Izuku offered.

"Alright see you there," She nodded and headed to the girls changing room.

~~
They had all made it to the gate alive and made it a point to ignore their classmate's questioning looks while they hopped on several of Hawk's feather-mobiles to get to the cafe. It was actually really fun because Hawks decided to show off and take 'the scenic route' because they had 2 new guests joining them to the cafe this time.

What was not fun was walking into the cafe and suddenly remembering that nobody had informed Dabi about Shouto coming.

They walked in and immediately the blue-haired man let out an unholy shriek at the sight of Izuku. The black-haired man burnt the mug he was holding and stared wide-eyed at Shouto who looked like he had seen a ghost.

After the man stopped shrieking Izuku had grabbed the nearest weapon-like object (which happened to be a broom) and went flying at the man, chasing him around the cafe while screaming a mix of profanities and threats while the man tried to get out the door that Hawks had 'accidentally' blocked.

Katsuki went to go help a small boy with a red hat feed some of the animals around the cafe. He was too used to the Midoriya family bullshit.

Hitoshi was pretending nothing was happening and chugging coffee like his life depended on it while petting a few cats.

And a small girl had run up to Yaomomo and grappled to her leg. She kept calling Yaomomo pretty and asking her if she was friends with 'Izu-nii' (because if she was his friend then she would be over more, and if she was over more then she could help make her pretty like her). She was adorable and Yaomomo decided she was going to adopt her at all costs.

"YOU BITCH!" Izuku screamed, before landing a killing blow on the blue-haired man's back and sent the man tumbling to the floor with a shriek. The room went dead silent, staring at the scene.

Then the black-haired man broke into a sprint and locked himself in a closet, leaving Izuku lecturing the guy on the floor, Shouto staring at the closet, Hitoshi, Katsuki, and Hawks slurping coffee, the kids running around with the cats, and Yaomomo just looked on confused as all hell.

"Haha, I think I forgot to text Dabi. My bad," Hitoshi laughed awkwardly.

Yaomomo decided she loved it here. 5 minutes and it was already more lively than her house had ever been.

Chapter Text

"I swear to Nezu. What is wrong with people?" Izuku groaned angrily, glaring at the wallowing villain on the floor, "I'm going to go talk Dabi out of the closet, you are going to sit here and think about what you've done, and when I get you are going to get it. Keigo, can you make sure this asshole doesn't move? Shinsou, help Shouchan he's fucking catatonic right now. Katsuki, be a doll and make some tea for Yaomomo. Children under the age of 8, please go to your rooms while I dare with everyone,".

Keigo gave Shigaraki a sympathetic look as he walked over and sat on the man's back, "Sorry bro, Queen Green has spoken. He's about to rip you a new asshole," Shigaraki just groaned in despair.

~~

"Dabi, please come out of the closet," Izuku pleaded outside of the door.

"Izuku..."

"Yes? Are you gonna open the door?"

"I'm gay."

Izuku groaned loudly, "We both know that's not what I meant, you asshole. I'm trying to be a supportive father figure right now,".

"You're not my father figure. You're like my bratty brother, who neglects to tell me very important things," Dabi grumbled.

"I know. I'm sorry. We kind of just forgot you're related to Shouchan. I have an adoption plan and everything. He already refers to himself as a Midoriya. You Todoroki's flock to me, I swear," Izuku sighed, leaning against the closet door.

"I'm not leaving this closet. You've kidnapped my estranged brother and didn't even fucking warn me," Izuku could hear the pout through the door.

"Dabi. You're the estranged brother, not him,".

"Doesn't matter. My bratty brothers still brought him here and didn't warn me. What if I panicked and lit everything on fire? What if I jumped the counter and attacked him? What if he forgot me and now I have to live in despair because my beloved baby brother doesn't remember me? Or what if he fucking hates me, Izuku?" Dabi's voice cracker loudly at the end. Now Izuku just felt bad.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry Dabi. We didn't do it to just surprise you, we just genuinely forgot to inform you. Shouchan is already a Midoriya to us, and it slipped our minds that you two are genetically related," Izuku sighed, "But I promise he won't hate you. He's a good guy. He won't hold it against you, especially if you went through similar situations,"

There was a moment of silence between the two of them.

"Alright fine, I'll go down but you need to explain to him who I am BEFORE I come down. If he hates me I at least want time to make a run for it," Dabi conceded.

"That's fine, He won't hate you though... Can I have a hug?"

"No."

"What? I said I'm sorry," Izuku whined.

"It's not that... I'm stuck in here," Dabi replied meekly.

"What? If you really don't want to go down you don't have to..."

"No, No. Like I'm STUCK STUCK. When I came in, I panicked and melded the door shut with my quirk. Now I can't get out,".

"I'll go get Eri,".

Eri was more than happy to free her biggest brother from the clutches of the evil closet.

~~
"May I ask what that yellow thing in the corner is?"

Yaomomo, Katsuki, Eri, and Kouta had all escaped upstairs to Izuku's room. Eri had begged Momo to help her do her hair because she wanted to look like a princess (Momo assured her she was already a princess) and the only place with hair products happened to be Izuku's room.

"Oh. That's Shouta, Uncle Shouta if you're feeling brave, and Izu's celebrity crush if you're feeling suicidal. Our cafe is closer than his house so sometimes he shows up and just kind of sleeps. I'm pretty sure he got sick of the noise downstairs and migrated to the nearest quiet place," Katsuki explained. Still having a glare down with Kouta. Why? Nobody knows.

"I did come to find somewhere quiet, but it's been ruined by hooligans, except Eri and Kouta, they're fine. I'm going to sleep in the bathtub," The yellow creature then migrated to another room.

"Is he always like that?" Yaomomo asked.

"Mhm. Uncle Shouta is grouchy, but he's super cool!" Eri giggled.

"Yeah. I got to see him kick Kacchan's butt one time! It was awesome!" Kouta cheered.

"You brat!" Katsuki growled.

He pounced at Kouta and they continued to play wrestle on the floor. It was all over when Kouta squirted water in Katsuki's eye and bolted behind Momo.

"If you come over here and mess up Eri's hair in any way, shape, or form, I will not hesitate to fist fight you. Right here, right now," Momo glared. Princess Eri's hair is serious business.

Katsuki backed down with a glare at Kouta, who stuck his tongue out at him.

~~
"Okay. Dabi has officially come out of the closet. Literally and figuratively. We've got some things to discuss," Izuku looked around the room, "Keigo and Hitoshi can you please go hang out with the others upstairs while I chat with Shouto? Shigaraki, go with them, and sit in the corner until I'm done with this duo,".

"But I'm a grown man," Shigaraki groaned.

"Don't care. You acted like a child so I'm gonna scold you like one. If your ass isn't up those stairs and in the corner in the next 10 seconds, I'm grounding you from my brother," Izuku glared.

Shigaraki glared at him, screamed like an angry child, and stomped up the stairs.

Izuku watched him go and rubbed his temples. Izuku was not old enough to be a mother.

"So, You're probably confused as hell" Izuku smiled kindly at Shouto, who still looked frozen, but now had half the cafe's cats at his side (that was definitely Hitoshi's doing).

"For starters, yes. The guy at the counter was your brother, Touya,".

Shouto immediately passed out.

Chapter Text

"So, here's the good news, Shouto doesn't hate you," Izuku cheered to Dabi.

"That's great, can I go talk to him," Dabi sighed happily.

"See, that's the thing. He's fucking dead,".

"He's what?".

"Dead. I told him you were Touya and he dropped dead,".

"I feel like you're exaggerating," Dabi asked (pleaded?).

"You're right. He passed out and is now laying on the floor covered in cats. I made sure he's still breathing and everything. It's just shock, he'll be fine soon,". Izuku elaborated, going to the kitchen to grab drinks for the party upstairs.

"You left him on the floor?!"

"Well yeah. I don't have the power to haul him up the stairs. Besides, you're gonna go care for him while I deal with the children. So, if you want to move him, move him," Izuku said, grabbing the last drink and running up the stairs, leaving no room for argument.

~~
"I bet Icyhot backhanded him," Katsuki through 5 dollars into the center of their Midoriya circle.

"No no. Shouchan seems more like a palm slap kind of guy," Izuku said, throwing in ten (Izuku would say bitch slap, but there are children present).

"I'm going to have to agree with Izuku on this one," Keigo nodded, throwing in another ten.

"You're just saying that because Izuku's got you wrapped around his pinky," Bakugou scoffed.

"Just because it's true, doesn't mean you have to say it," Keigo huffed, leaning onto Izuku who patted his head.

"I think that Shouchan gave Dabi-nii a big hug! He's really cool, I don't think he would hit him!" Eri smiled, proud of her theory, and threw in a dollar Izuku had given her so she could join the bet.

"I think I'm going to have to agree with Eri on this one," Yaomomo nodded and threw in a twenty.

"You're just saying that because she's got you wrapped around your pinky," Keigo muttered, earning him a glare from Katsuki.

"I think he did both," Kouta smiled proudly, throwing in a 5 he'd stolen from Katsuki wallet (Uncle Shouta was more than happy to help him do it.)

"I agree with the rugrat. Shouto is a social disaster and probably couldn't make up his mind," Shouta gruffed from his sleeping bag, throwing in a 50 he'd stolen from Hizashi's wallet (Kouta had been more than happy to help him do it).

"Oh, Uncle Shouta's got stacks now, huh?" Katsuki teased.

"Shut up. I'm a pro, a teacher at UA, and married to a pro. I've got enough money to buy you," Shouta glared.

"And yet, you still dress like a hobo?" Katsuki challenged.

"Because 'feral pomeranian' is all the rage this season," Shouta replied, emphasizing his point with an eye roll.

"What? Did I hurt your feelings? Gonna go cry to your fashion disaster of a husband?" Katsuki snarked back in a mocking voice.

"You take that back. Hizashi's jacket is iconic, you little shi-" And with that, Izuku decided that now was the time jump in. Especially when Shouta was starting to aggressively free himself from his sleeping back. He was not going to let Shouta and Kouta tag team Katsuki while a touching reunion happened downstairs.

"SPEAKING OF HIZASHI," Izuku cut in, "When are you going to bring him to the cafe?".

"Never. He's annoying." Shouta said, flipping over in his sleeping bag, "Hizashi and co. are like cats. I feed Hizashi then he won't leave and you've got a dozen more. You'll Nemuri and Tensei here too and then I'll never get to sleep again,".

"But Mic sounds really cool! Pretty please bring him!" Eri begged, puppy dog eyes activated.

"Yeah! I can help you get his wallet too! It's gonna be awesome! Pretty please," Kouta begged (Izuku chose to ignore the wallet comment).

Shouta stared down the kids. On one hand, he values his sleep, but on the other, Princess Eri and his partner in crime were completely adorable...

It took one sniffle from Kouta for him to cave, "Fine. But you gotta call him Uncle Hizashi, he'll freak out,".

"Deal." Both kids nodded.

And then there was a loud bang from the room next to them.

Oh yeah, Izuku put a villain in time out. Woops.

~~

"So, I passed out?" Shouto mumbled confusedly.

"Yup," Dabi replied, sounding as uncomfortable as ever.

"Because... You're my brother of whom I've thought was dead this entire time?" Shouto asked again.

"Yup..." Dabi replied, still very uncomfortable.

"So, I've been mourning you while you've been living with the Midoriya's and failed to even kind of inform me that you had not died a brutal death?" Shouto asked, one more time.

"Yup..." Dabi looked away guiltily.

"Am I supposed to hug you or slap you?" Shouto thought out-loud.

"I would prefer a hug, but a slap is totally valid," Dabi sighed, looking down at his shoes.

Shouto sighed, "I get it, I'd run from Endeavor the moment I got the chance too. Especially if it was to go with the Midoriya's,".

"So, a hug?" Dabi smiled, overjoyed to have his brother back.

"Both. I'm still peeved that you've been less than fifteen minutes away from me this entire time, but I get it,".

Shouto did exactly that. He bitched slapped his brother then pulled him a hug.

Jokes on him though, Dabi can't really feel the majority of his face anyway.

(Later that night, Shouta and Kouta were ecstatic to split their winnings up. Even if Shouta ended up giving his winnings to Eri anyway.)

~~

"Shigaraki. You can come out of the corner now," Izuku approached Shigaraki calmly, "I've already cussed you out and beaten you with a broom, so I think we can have a normal human chat now,".

"Look. I'm sorry for attacking you and your brothers. I really like Dabi and had no idea you all would be there," Shigaraki sighed, kicking his heel against the ground.

"I figured as much. Dabi seems to like you too, and you also didn't really hurt any of us too badly, so I forgive you," Shigaraki let out a breath he'd been holding, "But, if you do it again I'll make you regret ever being born."

"That's... Yeah, that's fair. I promise I won't hurt you all again,".

"Fantastic," Izuku clapped his hands together happily, "No we're gonna get you out of this villain phase of yours,".

"Excuse me?!"

"Yup! If this cafe's good at anything it's picking up strays. You sir, are now on the path to becoming a full-fledged Midoriya!" Izuku smiled.

What had Shigaraki gotten himself into?

Chapter Text

"I still don't understand why you keep calling it a phase. I'm a villain, not emo," Tomura grumbled. He'd been pouting since Izuku had pulled out his favorite slideshow.

"It's a phase because you're gonna quit this shit soon enough. By soon enough I mean now. Pay attention," Izuku scolded.

Tomura and Izuku had been upstairs for the past half an hour going over Izuku's slideshow that was titled, 'How to Get Out of Villainy and Become an Honorary Midoriya Clan Member 101'. The last time he had had to use this bad boy had been with his former trainer Stendhal and the almost criminal, Gentle.

Gentle had gone very well. He was just a teen in a slump, who just wanted to be a hero. All it took was him and Mama Inko busting out the presentation to persuade him to try again. Inko had written a strongly worded email to Gentle's previous hero school, and a polite email to UA to get Gentle into a re-training program. He's now working as a top 50 hero and occasionally stops in for coffee.

Stendhal on the other hand not so much. His mom had tried valiantly to get him to stay and quit vigilantism, but it never worked. Izuku had busted out the PowerPoint one last time after his mother passed away, but he left with an apology. A few months later and Eraserhead reported the first killing from 'Stain'.

"So let me get this straight. You want me to abandon my overlord of a boss and work in your cafe?" Tomura questioned.

"Yup. Or you can leave Dabi alone and avoid this cafe like the plague. Your choice," Izuku smiled 'politely'.

"And how exactly do we get a crazed overlord off my trail? There's also a bunch of party members I'd have to ditch,".

"Simple. I ask Shouta and Rat Man to help. Pretty sure we'll have to fake your death and give you a makeover too,". Rat Man had been absolutely obsessed with Izuku's paperclip, and he's pretty sure he can use that as leverage.

"This is my only option now, isn't it?" Tomura sighed.

"Don't sound so down! Think of it like restarting a game! You can even redesign your character!" Izuku said cheerfully, "Now. What color hair do you want? Brown? pink? Green, to really stick to the Midoriya thing?".

This was going to be a long day.

(He chose bubblegum pink).

~~

"Izuku Midoriya. You have 10 seconds to explain to me why the man who nearly killed my students at the USJ, is sitting here with dye in his hair," Aizawa glared. He wasn't on guard yet, because he trusted Izuku to not put his family in danger, but seriously why is this kid harboring villains now?

"Okay, before you attack him. I already kicked his ass with a broom. He's very into Dabi, so I'm gonna reform him. He's almost a Midoriya now," Aizawa knew that look and voice Izuku was using. He knew it damn well.

Aizawa sighed tiredly, "Alright. What do you want from me?"

"You catch on fast, Shouta! I need your help faking his death and getting him some new identification. I'm sure Nezu can help with all the legality," Izuku smiled, handing Shouta a fully written plan for Tomura's death.

"Fine. I'll get the detective to write up the information and some fake death reports. You're responsible for getting the fake corpse or whatever to the villains." Aizawa rubbed his temples, waved to Eri and Kouta, then left.

"That went much better than I thought it would," Tomura said, turning fully to Dabi. Izuku ran off to find out the best way to make fake ashes with Hawks.

"Mhm. So, you're a Midoriya now?" Dabi smirked. He knew Izuku would give in and let him join the clan.

"I guess," Tomura shrugged.

"Don't be like that. You'll love it here," Dabi smiled, throwing an arm around Tomura who just let it happened, "What's your name now, Midoriya-Kun?".

"Tenko,".

By the end of the week, Tenko Midoriya was official. Nezu had a new paperclip. Shouta dreaded Hizashi visiting the cafe. Yaomomo had a second family. Shouto was bonding with his thought to be dead brother. And Dabi wouldn't stop ogling Tenko's new look.The Midoriya clan was enjoying business as usual.

Cafe Midori was truly a place of miracles.

~~

~~

~~

All for One is not stupid. He knew the ashes he'd found at the door of the bar wasn't his successor's. It wreaked of ham and the hand on top wasn't even one of Tomura's.

The hero course reject, the brainwashing kid, the Yakuza child, the Waterhose child, the Todoroki boy,the angry explosion kid, and the poor quirkless boy. All angry, strong, and easily manipulated. But he'd lost them all. Tomura was just another player lost to a Midoriya.

All for One sighed, throwing the 'ashes' away.

Inko had raised his son well, too well.

Chapter Text

"No, Tenko you can't wear that to the school! They're going to think you're fucking insane!" Izuku whined.

"So? I look insane anyway! My hair is pink for Nezu's sake!" Tenko glared.

"Okay? The pink looks good on you! You know what doesn't look good? A rotting hand!" Izuku yelled.

After the debacle of getting Tenko to be a legal citizen and have his criminal record forgiven, Tenko had become Nezu's muse. Nezu was responsible for the legal side of Tenko's rehabilitation and he was having a great time. Nezu had gotten the commission to allow Tenko to be a fully independent citizen with the stipulation that Eraserhead constantly monitored his place of work and he was put through classes at UA to help him being a functioning member of society.

Hence, why Tenko was now about to fistfight Izuku over the ability to wear father to school.

"You're not my mom! I don't care if the NPC's think I'm weird! I'm a reforming villain! A severed hand isn't going to make it worse!" Tenko whined. He was not leaving this cafe without his face-hand. Eraserhead would have to drag him by his warm and alive hands to get him to leave without his cold and dead ones.

"You know what? Fine," Izuku finally relented after looking at the clock, "You can bring the hand, but you're doing that skincare routine I showed you,".

"You're not my boss," Tenko grumbled but gave in anyway.

"Pretty sure he is actually. You took up the Midoriya name, now he owns your ass," Dabi laughed behind the counter.

"I don't own anyone," Izuku complained.

"I'm pretty sure Seagull man would let you own his ass if you ask him nicely enough," Hitoshi snickered, emerging from the back room with his school supplies.

Izuku stared blankly at him.

"Yeah, enough of that. We're leaving."

~~

"Aizawa. Please don't make me go in there," Tenko pleaded. He could already hear that every member of 1-A was too loud for his taste.

"Too late. Nezu would have my head if I let you escape. And call me Shouta, all the Midoriya's do," Aizawa said, rolling out of his sleeping bag to go in and address the class, "Wait to come in until I open the door,".

~~

"Alright children. We've got a student. He's a villain we're currently working to reform. You probably saw him at the USJ. He won't be attending all of your classes, and won't be here the entire year, but treat him with respect while he's here. This is a learning opportunity, don't waste it by not acting heroically." Shouta lectured. He was surprised the class had stayed quiet long enough to let him finish, especially with how outraged they sounded.

"Aizawa-sensei! I do not mean to sound disrespectful, but is it not reckless to allow a villain into our school! There are several members here who clearly should not be allowed in the presence of villains!" Iida yelled first. Rude.

"Oui! C'est une mauvaise idée!" Aoyama gasped.

"What if they just want information on UA," Tsu, ever the voice of 'reason', asked.

Several other accusations were thrown out. Though Kirishima, Kaminari, Tokoyami, and Kouda looked much more open to the idea, but still a little nervous which is understandable.

"I get you're all concerned, but this is UA we're not just going to let a villain in unchecked. If he steps out of line, it will be properly handled," Shouta sighed, "Alright, I'm bringing him in now. Be respectful. I'll let you all ask questions, but if they're out of line you'll be meeting me for detention,".

With that, Tenko walked in.

"Introduce yourself please, I'm going to sleep." Then he rolled into his bag, leaving Tenko to awkwardly try to introduce himself.

"Alrighty then. You probably heard my name as Shigaraki Tomura, head of the League of Villains. My new legal name is Tenko Midoriya," Tenko saw the wide eyes throughout the classroom. He could clearly feel the tension when he said 'Midoriya', but he kept going, " I now work at a cafe by UA. I got dragged into some weird-ass family and am now being held hostage as a student at UA,".

The room was silent when Tenko finished his spiel. Most were still hung up on the Midoriya thing. They all kept looking between him and Izuku (Izuku was happily ignoring them and giving Tenko a thumbs up).

"Dear Nezu," Izuku groaned after he got sick of being stared at, looking towards the class again, "Yes. Midoriya. I adopted him into my makeshift family. This doesn't make me a villain or prove I have connections to villain organizations. I just happen to have close ties with the hero community and was able to pull some strings to help him out of villainy. Now, please stop staring at me, and pay attention to Tenko. He's supposed to be answering questions for you all,".

"It's very impolite to stare," Momo chipped in.

"Yeah. Eyes upfront fuckers," Katsuki shouted.

"What they said," Shouto nodded.

Hitoshi just nodded sleepily. (Asleep or not, the Midoriya clan doesn't tolerate disrespect).

"What Izuku is saying is right. Don't assume your classmates are villains," Shouta shot a look directly to Iida, "Multiple people in this room consider themselves Midoriya, myself included. So, it's not proof of anything for another to be added to the group. He's here to learn and better himself, not fuel your conspiracies. So, stop staring and ask questions like your supposed to,".

"What's your quirk?" Izuku asked first to get the ball rolling.

"Decay. I can decay things by touching them with 5 fingers," Tenko said dryly, decaying the tie around his neck to demonstrate.

"I'm not paying to have that tie replaced, Tenko" Izuku scolded.

"Darn." Tenko shrugged in reply, "Next question,".

"What made you want to stop being a villain?" Kaminari asked next.

"Boys."

"Boys?" Kaminari mumbled.

"Yes. Next question."

"You could at least say please," Uraraka huffed annoyedly.

"And you could get to know your classmates before calling them villains, but we can't all be perfect, can we?" Tenko sassed.

"It's totally manly that you are quitting villainy!" Kirishima chimed in, trying to stop the impending awkward silence, "But, how did you end up a Midoriya?"

"I met hot night shift guy and we bonded. Then the Midoriya's grilled me, then I got my ass kicked with a broom after the USJ, then I was forcefully shown a PowerPoint presentation. Next thing, I know I'm a Midoriya," Tenko 'explained'. He deliberately ignored the confused looks on the student's faces.

"Then how did you end up at the cafe?" Tsu asked.

"Hot night shift guy is Izuku's brother, he helped get me the job," Tenko said. He didn't know if Izuku wanted everyone to know about the cafe, so he just avoided that all together.

"Wait. So, you're a Midoriya? And you have a crush on other Midoriya's brother, who is also a Midoriya? You like your brother?" Fucking Shouto.The little shit was just trying to make him uncomfortable.

"No... Just. No."

Tenko could already tell that today was just going to be too much for him. He just had to get through a few more hours and he'd be back at the cafe, feeding fish, chilling with Dabi, and meeting Shouta's elusive husband.

He just had to avoid attacking a child. He could do that. Hopefully.

Chapter Text

Tenko Midoriya was tired as hell. He had spent more time in UA than he could ever begin to process, and he didn't even attend a regular school day! The hero brats were all annoying as hell too. Robocop wouldn't stop bitching at everyone, Rock and Sparky were loud as hell (They'd come to apologize for how they treated Izuku during lunch, and had joined them for lunch), and every not Midoriya seemed to have some grudge against Izuku. Which was rude. He may be demanding, but he isn't a villain by any stretch of the imagination (and Tenko sure as hell knows a villain when he sees one).

But thankfully, all shitty things come to an end, and they were released from school. He had to be escorted to the cafe by Eraserhead because of the agreement, but all in all, he was pleased to not be there anymore.

But he was not pleased to wake up from his post-school nap to the sound of complete and utter chaos.

~~

Present Mic loves his husband. He trusts him with every bone in his body, but sometimes he wishes Shouta would tell him things.

Now, Hizashi doesn't need him to tell him everything. But, he would like to know things like, how his day went, or where he disappears to every day, or maybe that HE HAD AN ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY HE JUST NEVER MENTIONED.

Hizashi wasn't mad. He truly isn't. He knows his husband is a private person and tends to want space, and that's fine. But he is a little peeved that he was hiding such an adorable group of people from him. Just from the photos Shouta had shown him of the littlest family members, he could tell he was going to love it there.

He was especially excited when Shouta told him that one of the Little Listeners there was going to be helping them commentate at the Sports Festival! How cool is that! He's gonna meet his husband's mystery listeners AND is going to have special bonding time with them! He's gonna be the best uncle ever!

Hence, why he was now happily following behind Shouta while they trudged their way to a cute little cafe named 'Cafe Midori'.

"Hisashi, before we go in, I'm gonna brief you on the cafe, so you don't freak out and start screaming. First of all, the 2 youngest are Eri and Kouta, they both came from pretty shitty situations, as far as I know, so be careful. If you make them cry everyone will attack without hesitation," Hizashi nodded, he hates when kids cry, "Then there is Dabi behind the counter, don't comment on his scars, please. I know you wouldn't but better safe than sorry. Tenko should also be here, when you see him don't flip shit, he's got legal permission to be here,".

That last bit wasn't very comforting, but Hizashi was still going to give his all to meet his husband's family.

"Alright! I gotcha! Anything else I should know?".

"Yeah. Endeavor and All Might are big no-no's here. If you talk about them there's a 100% chance the entire place will get awkward," Shouta said seriously, opening the door and walking in.

...

Why didn't Shouta mention that most of the listeners here are his students?!

"Shouta!" Izuku Midoriya greeted happily from behind the counter, "You finally brought Mic?".

"Yeah." Shouta grunted, "If I didn't Eri would glare at me and Kouta would leave my wallet 20 bucks lighter,".

"It's good to see you Mic!" Izuku waved cheerily at him.

The cafe was not what Hizashi had expected from Shouta. The place had a calm buzz to it, and it was filled with all sorts of animals and people. He especially didn't expect to see so many of his students there!

The first student he was was Midoriya. He hadn't heard many things about Izuku Midoriya, but what he had heard hadn't been very good, but if Shouta likes him then he's sure it must have just been a misunderstanding.

Next to him behind the counter was Shinsou Hitoshi. That wasn't actually very shocking. He had the same all around demeanor as Shouta and Shouta had even recommended him to UA.

Then there was Bakugou Katsuki in the corner who was play wrestling a small boy that he could only assume was Kouta. Bakugou was also quite a shock. He just couldn't imagine his husband being able to handle how loud the kid could be.

The next 2 people he saw were Yaoyozoru and Todoroki playing chess at a nearby booth. Hizashi couldn't understand that one, they were both quiet and calm. But how did they end up with the Midoriya's?

The next corner he looked to his saw his newest co-worker Hawks playing with a small girl (presumably Eri) and a cat. What was Hawks doing here?

And then there was the scarred man, more than likely Dabi, who was assessing him behind the counter.

"Hello, little Midoriya! I'm glad Shouta finally brought me! He wouldn't stop talking about you all!" Hizashi smiled.

"Oh, please just call us by our first names. We're all Midoriya's so it'll get tricky if you don't," Izuku smiled politely, "Oh. Also, watch your pockets. Shouta and Kouta have started a war and I figured I should warn you,".

"Izuku, you were supposed to tell him. I'm sure Uncle Shouta was gonna use him a dummy to teach Eri to pickpocket," Hitoshi drawled tiredly.

"Pick-pocket?" Hizashi asked, nervously looking to Shouta, who had already made his way to a booth full of cats.

"Don't worry about it,".

"UNCLE SHOUTA!" The small boy from earlier yelled, running from where he'd previously been fighting Katsuki.

"What's up, brat?" Shouta turned to the child, smiling lazily. Hizashi internally swooned, he'd been absolutely convinced that Shouta didn't like kids, but it seems he may have been wrong.

"I got Katsuki's wallet! Just like you showed me how!" The kid smiled, proudly waving the wallet in Shouta's face. Why did Shouta look so proud?

"Good job, kid. But please don't tell Izuku I showed you how to do that," Shouta pleaded with the kid.

"He already knows," The kid said bluntly, "He started a new game where we all try to snatch money from each other! It's super cool!"

If Hizashi could describe this group in one word it would be strange. Strange in a good way.'

Hizashi was pulled from his thoughts by someone tugging on his pant leg. He looked down and saw an adorable little girl, with the cutest little braids.

"Excuse me? Um... Are you Uncle 'Zashi?"

Hizashi is pretty sure he just died.

But at least he got to hear the sound of his husband's sweet sweet laughter as he went down.

Chapter Text

"Shouta, I can not believe you've been hiding them all from me! They're so cute! I want to hug them all!" Hizashi whined, shaking Shouta's shoulders.

"Yeah, They're pretty cool, but I like to sleep here and you're VERY loud," Shouta grumbled, inhaling the coffee Hitoshi had brought over.

Hizashi almost couldn't believe his ears. His husband. His 'I hate the color yellow just because it looks too friendly' husband, just claimed that actual human people were c o o l.

"Shouta! You like people! I can't believe it!" Hizashi cried, grappling onto Shouta, who just huffed.

"I don't hate the Midoriya's, but I'm going to sleep, so have fun. If you need me I'll be in the bathtub," With that Shouta wrapped himself into his sleeping bag and trudged up the stairs, leaving Hizashi to fend for himself.

"So, Izuku, Shou mentioned earlier that one of you listeners would be joining me for the sports festival. Am I allowed to ask which one of you it'll be?" Hizashi asked, approaching the small bar near the counter.

"That would be me," Izuku smiled, "I've got a whole underground persona that would be in jeopardy if I competed. Can't reveal all my cards, ya know?"

"Won't being a hero put it in jeopardy?" Hizashi asked.

Izuku snorted, "Not if I cross-dress,".

"I'm glad you got it figured out, listener," Hizashi laughed.

"Thanks, I've bee-" Izuku came to an abrupt stop and whipped around.

"Sorry, Izu-nii! Kouta told me to!" Eri squealed sprinting away from Izuku.

"Hey! Get back here! That's my wallet!" Izuku yelled, "Hitoshi, man the counter please,".

"Whatever," Hitoshi sighed, moving to the register while Izuku ran for it.

"So, is this normal?" Hizashi asked, watching Eri and Izuku sprint around the shop.

"Yeah. Accept it's usually Katsuki wreaking havoc," Hitoshi laughed.

"Fuck you. I'm civilized," Katsuki yelled.

"Don't swear!" Keigo yelled from his spot with Kouta.

"Fuck off you're not my dad," Katsuki scoffed.

"I'm your stepdad!" Keigo squeaked, "And your father wouldn't be pleased if he heard you swearing!".

"Izuku isn't my dad!" Katsuki shouted.

"Yeah! Zu-nii would never raise someone as loud as Katsuki!" Kouta shouted.

And the then chase began.

"Hello, Mister Yamada!" Momo waved happily from her arm wrestling match with Shouto (she was winning).

Hizashi just sighed and waved back, this place is a riot

~~
Toshinori Yagi doesn't know many things, but he does know a villain when he sees one.

Which is why he knows something is up with that Midoriya kid. He was rude, aggressive, violent, and had somehow developed a cult-like following. Worst of all, he was quirkless and had somehow tricked the UA staff into hating him. This is all the exact reason why he's meeting up with detective Naomasa. He was not going to let a villain run around his school.

Yagi was actually pretty excited to meet with Naomasa today. He had been invited to a new cafe with him. Naomasa said he frequents there and that all the people there are pretty trustworthy and fun to be around. It was called 'Cafe Midori'. What a cute name.

Naomasa had explained that it's frequented by a lot of pros because the new owner is a great informant. Some of his students go there too! How exciting!

Walking in had been a complete contrast to what Yagi had planned for. He didn't like what he saw at all.

Bakugou Katsuki was wrestling a child, his new superior was telling the child to 'aim for the throat'. there was a small girl running screaming from a boy, Yaoyozoru and Endeavor's son were in a heated argument, Mic was speaking with the brainwashing boy from his class, and Aizawa was talking to a tired-looking boy with blue hair.

Yagi approached Shinsou at the counter.

"Pardon me, Young Shinsou. Do you work here?" Yagi said politely.

Shinsou looked up, blinked slowly

and then screamed as loudly as possible.

Chapter Text

"MOM! DAD! THE SCARY PASTA MAN WON'T STOP TALKING TO ME- AAAAAAAAH GET THE FUCK AWAY! CREEPO ALERT BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!"

Those are the exact words Hitoshi screamed in the face of the number one hero. Izuku couldn't be more proud.

Now, any normal person would know that when a child screams in your face and calls you a predator, you DO NOT try to shush them. Yagi Toshinori is not a normal person.

"Ah please, Shinsou, stop yelling. Please stop... People are staring!" All Might pleaded, his voice getting more and more frantic, while more eyes were drawn to him.

"GET AWAY YOU COCKROACH! I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THE DRUGS YOU'RE TRYING TO SELL ME!" Hitoshi shouted again, but the time ~ with feeling ~.

Yagi went wide-eyed, and threw his hands up, "I am not trying to sell illicit drugs!" he announced to the cafe.

Hitoshi stopped screaming for a moment and stared All Might in the eye.

All Might stared back.

Hitoshi blinked.

All Might blinked.

Hitoshi looked towards Izuku, who had been stifling a laugh, and suddenly remained the heinous war crimes Yagi had committed to his dearest adorable brother. Yeah, All Might deserved this.

Hitoshi lifted his hand and slammed it on to the counter as loud as physically possible.

And then he screamed, "HE HIT ME! HE HIT ME! I'M A MINOR!"

Hitoshi was sure All Might's soul left his body at that very moment. He was as pale as a sheet and trying to stutter out an explanation to the cafe. Hitoshi didn't stop glaring at All Might for a moment.

The regulars knew what was up. They all knew that if Hitoshi were actually in danger, the Midoriya's would've already had the guy in a body bag, and they'd be helping them get away with it too. So, instead of making a fuss, they all just played along, some of them even telling new visitors what was happening so they didn't worry.

Everyone in the cafe stopped what they were doing and mercilessly stared Yagi down. One of them even went as far as to pick up their phone and pretended to call the police.

But, shockingly, Shouto was the first to break character. It started with a small snort, then a giggle, then suddenly Shouto was hunched over laughing his ass while other patrons started to join in on the laughter. Even Shouta cracked a smile. All Might was so fucking lost.

Izuku had pity on him though, and approached the counter, still giggling, "Is there a problem over here?"

"Yes, Zu. This creature approached me out of nowhere. How does he even know my name?".

Oh, that's right. All Might was tiny might. That's good though, seeing as the problem he's come to discuss is there. Wouldn't want to cause any conflicts.

"I apologize, young man. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm here to meet with a detective friend of mine who told me about you previously," All Might explained.

Izuku looked to him skeptically. He knew that was utter bullshit, "Right. Then we apologize for the disturbance. The police weren't actually called by the way. There are at least 3 pro heroes in here, 5 heroes in training, and 4 other VERY potent quirks in this cafe. If anyone felt it necessary to cause ANY trouble for cafe staff, they'd be handled... promptly,".

"He means that if you try shit, you'll get fucked up badly!" Katsuki yelled.

"Kacchan! Shut up! I'm running a business here!" Izuku huffed.

"Oh? Do you work here?" All Might asked curiously. This is perfect! If Izuku already has a job then it won't be a big deal if he left UA! He'd have something to fall back on and UA would be safe.

"Sort of. I'm the owner," Izuku said. Even better! Now principal Nezu will have to at least consider removing Izuku and putting him in the business course! It's much safer there!

"And your parents approved of this?"

"One's irrelevant, the other passed away. I don't think that's any of your concern, sir," Izuku smiled politely, although it was obviously strained.

"I apologize. May I order now?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! Go right ahead. The detective is at his booth already. I'm gonna go start his usual, if you could take it over to him when you go," Izuku said, and walked away.

~~

"So, Toshinori! What'd you call me out here for?" Naomasa asked pleasantly, sipping his coffee.

"I have some concerns about a student I was hoping you'd look into, but how did you find this place?" Toshinori asked.

"Oh! Izuku over there helps with cases a lot. He's brilliant at find information. He actually helps pro's a lot, I think he's been helping Nighteye with a recent Yakuza case," Naomasa explained.

"That's lovely. Izuku Midoriya was actually the one I came to talk about," All Might started.

"Are you considering him as a successor? I don't know if he'd accept but he'd be a very good option,".

Yeah... Toshinori could already tell this chat wasn't going to go how he planned it.

Chapter Text

Toshinori's hunch was right yet again. The chat didn't go well.

"So... you don't want him as a successor?" Naomasa said slowly.

"No. Of course not, he acts down right villainous!" Toshinori whispered.

Noamasa was having none of it, "Oh no you don't. If you're gonna talk smack about someone, you're gonna do it nice and loud. None of that whispering, because you know damn well you shouldn't be saying what you're saying,".

"You know why I have to be quiet, Naomasa," Toshinori said, looking down.

"Because you're calling a child a villain and you're aware of the consequences that come from accusations like that?" Naomasa deadpanned.

"No! Because he's obviously twisted people around his pinky! He's got all of UA and multiple heroes to 'trust' him! He's quirkless! He shouldn't have been able to get into a hero course! He had to have done something!" He cried.

Naomasa chugged the rest of his coffee like his life depended on it.

Then he sighed.

"Yagi. I'm gonna be real honest with you for a second. I hope you can handle it," Naomasa frowned deeply, "You're being an arrogant asshole,".

"What! I'm just-"

"Projecting. You're just projecting. Just because YOU couldn't be a quirkless hero, doesn't mean he can't. Just because he doesn't like YOU doesn't mean he's a villain. Just because he doesn't act and think exactly like YOU doesn't mean he's unfit for hero work. Just because YOU don't like him doesn't mean everyone has to hate him. You're forcing him to believe everything you think or you try and isolate him and ruin his life. Sounds pretty villainous of you,".

Yagi blinked... How was he even supposed to reply to that?

"Anyway, since you've got nothing of importance to say, I'm leaving. Don't contact me until you've got yourself figured out. Have fun, dealing with the Midoriya's,". Then he left (like the bad bitch he is).

Yagi looked up from where he'd been staring at his feet after feeling like he was being watched.

Why did he feel like he was being watched?

Because he was being watched. By every Midoriya in the room.

All Might chuckled, he's in danger.

Little did he know, Keigo had made his debut as a pick-pocketer and had just taken 400 dollars cash, 3 coupons, an expensive-looking wallet, and a gift card to Olive Garden.

~~

"Hellooooooo Listeners! Welcome to this year's first-year Sports Festival! It's you're beloved host, Present Mic accompanied by Eraserhead and my newest nephew, Midori!" Present Mic announced loudly.

"Please be quiet," Eraser grumbled.

"C'mon uncle Eraser, cheer up a bit! This is exciting!" Izuku nudged Eraser with his elbow.

"I'm a mummy maid of band-aids. I'm allowed to be grumpy,".

"Oh Eraser, you're as comedic as ever," Izuku teased.

"Anyway! the students are starting to enter!" Mic chimed, "Coming in first, the resilient class who recently survived a villain attack, CLASS 1-A! Then followed by fellow heroics class 1-B," Mic listed all of the classes.

Izuku sweatdropped. The mic was failing at not being biased. Isn't he the 1-C teacher?

"So Izuku how are you feeling about this year's class?" Mic asked while they started to set up the next match.

"Like you hyped 1-A too much," Izuku mumbled, "I feel like you're underestimating the rest. Everyone is here to prove themselves, I think Support, Gen Ed, and 1-B stand just as much of a chance at winning as 1-A. I haven't had much time to see the other classes, but they are arguably much better suited for this. But that implies their willingness to play their hardest,".

"Problem child's right. If 1-A continues underestimating people the way they do they'll be crushed," Aizawa drawled.

"ANYWAY!" Mic shouted, "Before this gets anymore uncomfortable for me it's time for this year's Student rep to make a speech! That's whoever placed first in the exam if ya didn't know,".

"...I have to make a speech?" Izuku mumbled.

"You're the rep? I thought it was Bakugou?" Present Mic asked confused.

"Shouldn't you know this? I beat him when I got an extra 60 rescue points," Izuku said, standing up, "I need a mask if I'm gonna do a speech,".

"Just take my scarf, Problem child. Take Snipe's hat too, It should hide enough," Aizawa said.

Izuku frowned, "I'm gonna look like some cowboy mummy fusion,".

"Suck it up. Go give your speech so we can start already," Aizawa said, kicking Izuku out the booth.

"Rude!"

~~

The stadium watched with bated breaths as Izuku worked to the main stage of the stadium. It was unheard of for the student rep to not compete in the Sports Festival.

Izuku scanned his eyes over the stadium, "I'm sure you've all got plenty of questions regarding me. That's understandable, but I can't compete for my family's safety and my future career. And I ask all who know my identity to not reveal it. Please remember, Nezu and I are not above handing out lawsuits," Izuku smiled under the scarf when Iida huffed angrily in the audience.

"That being said. I'm supposed to give a speech and light a fire under all of you. So, don't get too comfy hero course. Everyone here is ready to give their all and crush you all the same. You aren't better than them because your quirks are 'stronger'. People who underestimate others end up left behind. Don't make that mistake. And to everyone else, don't give up because you're the underdogs. Pull that rug right from under their feet and show them how strong you REALLY are," Izuku shouted the last sentence, watching multiple students prepare themselves with varying looks of determination.

"You're all here to prove your strength. Don't let arrogance or assumptions change that," Izuku directed his look to Endeavor, "May the best hero winner,".

Izuku looked to the stunned stadium. Some looked appalled at his blatant bashing of 1-A, while others seemed to be rooting for the underdogs to pull it off like he was saying.

"Plus Ultra."

Chapter Text

Izuku knew he was being cocky. He's not dumb. Most 'not cocky' people don't walk in front of a stadium and declare the 'best hero class in the country' a bunch of hot-headed losers. But it's okay because they deserved it for being a bunch of hoes.

But, now he had to deal with the looks he was getting. It was nothing but a stadium filled with mixed emotions and overwhelming confusion. Nobody even looked mad at him, just....concerned. Sure, a few non-heroes looked utterly appalled at what he had just said because 'how dare he insult such bright youth', but the one's with brains knew something was up.

If the kid in a scarf was a hero student, and he thought other hero students were disrespectful and arrogant, then something HAD to be wrong. What would drive a hero kid to hate his fellow students? Why was the staff not more concerned? Was it just a weird rivalry? Was scarf boy the arrogant one?

Oh well. This mess wasn't Izuku's problem anymore. It's Shouta's!

"Izuku Midoriya, If murder weren't illegal you'd be nothing but a corpse," Shouta glared when Izuku walked in. Oh boy, somebody was grouchy today.

" I see nothing wrong with what I said," Izuku shrugged, flinging himself into the seat next to Shouta.

"You owe me free coffee for a month for all the damage control I'm gonna have to do. What made you think that was a good idea?" Shouta groaned, Izuku couldn't see his face but he knew he was probably crying.

"What? They needed to be knocked down a peg. And you're not doing it so I am," Izuku huffed.

"But what possessed you to make that announcement in front of an entire fucking stadium. I have to do all the clean up for the mess YOU made, you damn problem child,".

"I see no mess, only truth," Izuku said, deadpanning at Shouta.

"You're expelled,".

...
"MOVING ON!" Present Mic butted in, "This year's sport's festival is sure to be a doozy if this little listener is so confident! May I ask what's got you so revved up!"

"Well for starters, at least half of class 1-A is really arrogant. Don't get me wrong, some of them are fine and actually try and acknowledge others, but a lot of them like to make baseless assumptions and under-estimate others. That alone puts them at a disadvantage," Izuku explained.

"Yeah, but in the end, they're still hero course students. Can they really be fully overtaken?" Mic asked.

"Way to not be biased," Shouta mumbled.

"Of course they can! You'd know that if you were paying attention to the match!" Izuku said cheerily.

...

"Holy shit~" Mic yelled in English.

The Midoriya clan and the rest of the first years were pulling ahead completely.

It was like a well-oiled machine between courses. A well-oiled machine with a vendetta against 1-A, that is.

The way the students were working was on par with major hero teams who'd been trained together for years, their moves were calculated and well placed with one another. Some students were willingly falling back while others sped ahead, helping slower students.

Support students were happily handing out materials to other courses, specifically, gen ed, said students all doing their best to get the logos and brands out. Gen Ed students were utilizing their quirks in completely different ways from their opening exams and had even teamed up with some of the business kids to help coordinate and plan themselves in strategic groups. The management course kids had all fallen back, with no real want to win, but still out there all into helping them all plan. And craziest of all, class 1-B was seen teaming up with several 1-A students. Specifically the Midoriya's.

The other courses had completely pulled ahead

The only exception being the Midoriya's from 1-A who were flying through with their newfound allies. This was the most non-heroics student's UA has ever seen place in the top 50. And it was the first time in history a support student had ever taken first.

Her name? Hatsume Mei. Support gear extraordinaire.

~~
"Alright, problem child. What did you do?" Shouta sigh. There's no way Izuku wasn't behind this.

Izuku smiled widely, "I trained them,".

"Can... Can you even do that?" Mic muttered, still in shock.

"Sure can. I offered training to class 1-A too. They just couldn't get their heads out of their asses. Well, most of them. The one's who are doing well took me up on my offer," Izuku chirped.

"Free coffee. You can do this Shouta, think of the coffee," Shouta muttered to himself, rubbing his temple.

Izuku smiled wider.

Chapter Text

"Dude, is this even allowed?" Keigo asked Izuku.

It was nearly two am and Izuku and Keigo had been up in the cafe for hours trying to figure out the perfect training regimen for the other classes. Why? Because this is UA, nobody was gonna listen to some random quirkless kid telling them that they can pull off a miracle, especially not without evidence. So, to convince the other classes, he needed a fool-proof plan.

A plan to help non-heroics kids, with minimal quirk training beat hero kids who've had weeks of combat training.... in like 2 weeks. Yeah, he can do it.

"There's no rule saying I can't. As long as I don't list off every weakness of every hero course student I should be good," Izuku hummed, "But that doesn't mean I can't tell them what to do if they, hypothetically, run into a guy with a hypothetical, speed quirk. All hypothetical of course,".

"That's totally against the rules," Keigo snorted.

"Yeah, probably. But what is Nezu gonna do? I'm not competing and he can't just ban the whole school from competing," Izuku shrugged, "Now, should we get everyone armed with canons or really aggressive double-sided tape?".

"I say tape, it's harder to avoid and has a lot more uses," Keigo hummed, "Oh what about some kinda sleeping gas for the support kids,".

"That's pure evil. I like it," Izuku smiled, scribbling into a notebook.

"Are you sure that's like... Legal legal," Keigo said warily, "Not like legal for the competitions, but like legal in the country of Japan,".

"Honestly? Not really,".

~~
Izuku's Fantastic Wonderous Training Party! All Welcome!

(Classes that aren't 1-A preferably but Ig you can all come)

Come learn to kick, punch, and bop your way to the top of the Sport's Festival Charts!

Meet Izuku and a special guest at Cafe Midori at 4pm to join!

~~

Monoma Neito was not going to a disgusting, horrible, 1-A worshipping meeting, because he needed help. No. Monoma was much more prepared than any 1-A clan member could ever hope to be. He was simply going for... research purposes.

Yeah. Research.

He needed to know as much about 1-A as possible, it's just more fuel to crush them in the festival, and show the world that 1-A is nothing compared to 1-B's power.

This has absolutely nothing to with his lack of physical prowess and hopes of meeting somebody else who also had to operate while being quirkless for the majority of the time. He has no need to learn hand to hand from an expert at it. Nope. Not. One. Bit.

Monoma laughed evilly into the night, his master plan was perfect, he'll be the best spy 1-B could ask for.

~~

Shinsou was doing this out of obligation to his brother. Nothing more, nothing less. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with this bat shit crazy psycho.

"Toshi~ Please! You have to! Pretty please with a cat on top?" Izuku pleaded, and oh how weak Hitoshi was to puppy dog eyes.

"She's essential to the plan!" Izuku had cried, dramatically falling to his knees.

"Please! You need more equipment anyway! I don't want to make yours anymore. She's the next best thing!" Izuku had huffed, crossing his arms and marching away.

Hitoshi knew it was a bluff. A big fat lie. Izuku loved scheming too much to ever give up his chance to make more support equipment.

But... what if it wasn't a bluff. Would he be left stranded with some mediocre equipment? Would it fall apart at the seams? Would Izuku laugh at his shabby equipment? He would never... He was bluffing.

He was not bluffing.

Hence, why Hitoshi is now on his way to the devil's den to visit none other than, the support demon herself: Hatsume Mei, otherwise known as Izuku's ace for the sports festival. Oh, the things Hitoshi will do for his siblings. Let it be said, he hates them.

(Okay not all of them, just like a fourth of Izuku and the majority of Katsuki.)

~~

Hatsume Mei had no plans of trying through the sports festival. She had no reason to, other than to show off her amazing babies, and all that took was one solid win over a hero student. She could maybe even get one of those 1-A kids to use her gear later! But she doesn't need the win, any exposure for her perfect babies is all she needs for it to be a win in her book.

So color her intrigued when a tired-looking purple guy trudges in and demands she join their secret society of conquering the sports festival.

"You're Hatsume Mei, right?" He asked, keeping a safe distance from her workbench.

"Future owner of Hatsume Industries! Who's asking? Do you need some babies?" She asked, examining the guy closely. There was nothing too exciting about him, but she's sure one or two of her babies could really spice him up.

"My brother needs your help with the sports festival. If you help us Izuku promised to let you make mine and my two brothers support equipment," Hitoshi drawled, reading from his sticky note.

Hatume blinked, then scowled, "Did you say, Izuku?"

"Yes?" Hitoshi sighed, he had to deal with another crazy person and was not living for it.

"Denied." Then she turned on her heels and walked away.

"What?" Hitoshi asked.

"Izuku is the guy who took all of my top candidates for support equipment. I had a design upon design built for some of you and he just snatched them away. He doesn't deserve any of my babies," Hatsume huffed.

"...okay," Hitoshi shrugged and walked out.

Hatsume went wide-eyed, "What?! Get back here!"

"I thought you didn't want to work with us?" Hitoshi sighed again, he wasn't built for this.

"Yeah. But I need exposure for my babies," Hatsume stated matter-of-factly.

"Then why'd you say no?" Hitoshi groaned.

"I was playing hard to get! It's part of the art of business! The more reluctant I seem the better deals I can get! Do you know nothing about business?" Hatsume shrieked, waving a wrench in the air.

"That's cool and all, but I'm just doing what Izuku tells me too, I'm not in the business of persuasion," Hitoshi rubbed his temples, "Just go to the cafe thing sometime next week with the others. I'm gone now, bye,".

Hatsume watched him go and smiled. This was definitely all a part of her plan. Her babies would be the star of the show~

~~

Izuku sat criss-cross apple sauce on the counter of the cafe. Just ten more minutes before everybody arrived...how boring.

"Uncle Shouta~ I'm bored," Izuku whined.

"That's really sad actually," Aizawa yawned, grabbing his sleeping bag and walking away.

"That was rude," Izuku huffed, "Keigoooo, where are yoooou?" Izuku yelled to the distance. No reply came.

"So lame. Do none of them know it's important to be early to events? Seriously, do they not want to win?" Izuku huffed, getting up, "Guess I'll go find them,".

Izuku walk was cut short by two minutes, Keigo frantically flying towards him, "THE CALVARY HAS ARRIVED!"

"Give me some lift, birdy?" Izuku asked, stretching his hands up. Keigo swooped down, and lifted Izuku on his back.

Izuku whistled loudly, "You weren't lying about a calvary, huh?"

"Seriously, that's like half of UA, how the hell did you recruit so many people?" Keigo freaked, Izuku was trying to rig the entire Sports Festival at this rate.

"1-A has a lot of enemies," Izuku shrugged, "Onward my steed! Yee-haw!"

"That was so weird."

"You loved it."

"sure."

Chapter Text

Izuku was in one of his moods again.

The mood where he hates the world and would fight Satan himself if he dared hurt one of his kids. So when Shoto walks up the announcers looking more shaken than ever, Izuku went on a warpath. Endeavour was going to cry for his mommy when Izuku was done with him <3.

"Uncle zowzow I'll be right back," Izuku scowled.

Shouta blinked lazily, "Uncle what?"

"No time to explain. Got shit to wreck," Izuku said, grabbing his mask and marching out the door, grabbing Shouta's strawberry smoothie pouch on the way out.

Shouta sighed, looking sadly at the spot his smoothie had previously been "Whatever".

Hizashi patted his back, "I know, buddy, I know,".

"I'm gonna bite your ankles off,".

"Sangwoah there buddy, calm down,".

~~

Izuku stormed down the halls, looking through every hall in the general area. His posture was hunched and his mask was down. He slurped on his smoothie quickly when he heard the telling crackle of fire down a hall.

Izuku braced himself and smiled shyly.

"En-Endeavor-sama!" Izuku stuttered out, running towards the man who just glared at him.

"Move. I don't have time for fans," Endeavor said in disgust, barrelling past him.

"Wait, please! I just want your aut-" Izuku grabbed onto Endeavors arm going rigid. He started to shake and sweat, looking to Endeavor terrified, "Oh... m-my N-nezu".

That stopped Endeavour. He looked to Izuku sceptically "What."

"I-... I'm sorry sir I don't think you want to know. I'll just go," Izuku said, pulling away, a haunted look on his face.

"No. As a pro hero, I demand you tell me what you just saw," Endeavor demanded. Who the hell does this guy think he is?

"It's just... you're my favourite hero sir. I don't want to see you fall like that," Izuku said tearing up.

"What are you talking about, " Endeavor glared, gripping Izuku's arm tightly.

"Oh yeah, you don't know. My name is Roderick. I'm a management student at UA," Izuku started.

"I don't care who you are. What did you mean ' see me fall,'".

"Right. Sorry," Izuku frowned, "I have a future sight quirk similar to sir night eye. It's called butterfly. I can touch someone and see their future but only things that could affect me or others I've seen the fortune of," Izuku praddled off.

"And?" Endeavour gruffed.

"Well, when I touched you... it was a lot. You fall in the rankings within the next 2 years. It looks like you lose your spot as number two to a rookie hero. He was standing next to All Might so I can only assume it's his protege. So you fell to 3 behind All Might and his protege," Izuku said, holding back a laugh at Endeavor's face. He looked p e t r I f I e d.

"What else did you see," Endeavor demanded.

"Well, you fall completely out of the top one hundred when this year's round of first years graduates. Then you fail to stop a petty robbery, and a retired All Might had to rush in to save you. And-and your son. You did something to him... I can't tell what because it was only brief, but he drops and fails to become a hero," Izuku cried out, "Oh please Endeavor don't let it happen! I don't want my favourite hero to turn out to be a complete failure! You looked so sad and pathetic!"

Endeavour stared at Izuku, just as pale as Izuku was turning. He looked distraught and Izuku loved every moment of it.

Endeavour looked at him once more, "We'll talk again later... I've got calls to make," Then he dropped Izuku and walked away.

Once he passed the corner, Izuku burst out into laughter, looking straight at the camera, "Oh my Nezu! Nezu did you see that! His face I can't!"

Izuku's phone buzzed

Text from: Me but Rat
I recorded it. Thank you for your service, young Todoroki will be pleased to see it.

"Thanks, Nezu!" Izuku yelled at the camera

Text from: Me but Rat
But how exactly did you make yourself pale on command? Concealer?

Izuku laughed, looking towards the camera smiling through the swelling forming on his face, "I'm allergic to strawberries. I'm going into anaphylactic shock... Please bring me an Epipen before I pass out,".

Text from: Me but Rat
SHIT

II=zuku read the text and laughed harder, "That was so worth it,".

Chapter Text

"Midoriya, I can not explain in words how done I am with you," Aizawa sighed, inhaling a coffee.

It was the day after the great sports festival fiasco and Uncle Shouta was still trying to wrap his head around what the hell had just happened at the Sports Festival. Only 1 member of class 1-a had made the podium and that had been Shinsou in second place. Monoma had come in third (after beating Bakugou with his own quirk), and a support student had taken first. And only one team from 1-A had made it through the calvary and they'd all been self-identified Midoriya's.

Needless to say, Aizawa had no idea what the hell Izuku had done, but whatever it was Aizawa was proud.

"Why would you be done with me ZowZow?" Izuku pouted, feigning innocence.

"You know what you did. This is the first year in UA history that 1-A didn't place first, let alone a support student," Aizawa frowned. He honestly wasn't mad about that, he can admit his class needs to be humbled, but he at least wanted to join in on the fun.

"But it's an equal oppurtunity festival? Are you implying it's supposed to be rigged for 1-A? What a scandal!" Izuku gasped, absolutely scandalized.

"The only one rigging anything is you." Aizawa sighed.

"It's not rigging, it's creative liberty,".

Aizawa nodded. He had no idea what Izuku meant.

~~

"I spy with my little eye, a little birdy who just committed a crime," Keigo chirped.

Izuku stood at the counter, washing a mug and watching replays of the sports festival, all with a maniacal smirk on his face.

"You say crime, I say creative liberty," Izuku smiled, letting out a woop as he watched Monoma deck Bakugou on the replay.

"I... have no idea what that means," Keigo said, smile dropping slightly "That being said, I've got a fiasco going on,".

Izuku took in Keigo's expression and shut the tv off. He grabbed two coffee mugs, handing one to Keigo and grabbing a booth for them.

Keigo fiddled with his mug anxiously, "You are not going to be a fan of this,".

"I see..." Izuku hummed, holding the mug up to his lips, staring slightly past Keigo but still making it clear he was listening.

"The commision just gave me a huge assignment and it involves a lot of near death and I really don't think I can refuse it,".

"The commission gives you assignments? I thought that that had to go through an agency, " Izuku asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"Usually, but I don't have an agency as of now, so they're my agency until I get mine started, so I really don't get a choice in what I do," Keigo explained, mug forgotten in the corner of the table.

"Right..." Izuku hummed, he stopped for a moment staring out the window, "What's the assignment?".

"They want me to befriend Stain and go undercover into the League Of Villains."

Izuku whipped his head, staring Keigo in the eye.

"Denied."

"I- you really can't just say no to the commission," Keigo sighed.

"I can and I will."

"You can't."

"I can."

"No."

"I just fucking did."

"They are not listening to you."

"They will."

"They won't."

"They will when I shove my foot into there-"

"Izuku please," Keigo sighed.

"No, They have no right. Why would they send a barely debuted hero to affiliate with stain AND the fucking league? The league is literally empty and there's no damn reason to involve Stain in this either. Pick. A. Serial. Killer." Izuku ranted.

"I'm really not supposed to tell you any of this Izuku," Keigo conteplated, biting his lip. On one hand Izuku deserves to know what he's getting into, but on the other the commission is not an organization to mess with, "Stain's the new head of the league. He's how I'm going to infiltrate the whole organization,".

...

...

Izuku's mug shattered in his hand

Chizome's the fucking what now?

~~~~~

Later in the eve
~~~~~

"Hey Izuku..." Keigo asked softly, weary of the twitch in Izuku's eye.

"What?".

"Can I ask why we've been holding entirely empty mugs this whole time," Keigo gestured to the mug dust on the floor.

"Creative liberty."

Chapter Text

Izuku Midoriya is one tired motherfucker.

He wakes up after a two-hour-long nap, hobbles his way to class, takes bs from stick in ass guy, hangs out with the fam, takes a nap, runs a cafe, steals information, bitch slaps a serial killer, then rests easy knowing the world is his domain.

Except for today because said serial killer who needs to bitch slapped is making his life way more difficult than it needs to be.

Who serial kills in the middle of a school day?

Now Izuku, the most tired motherfucker, Midoriya is climbing his way out of his math class so he can hop on a train and fist Chizome. Iida had tried to wrangle Izuku back in but was met with a quick kick from Izuku's left foot as he dove his way out the window.

"DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP YET GUYS, I'M GONNA SURVIVE THIS FALL!" Izuku yelled, cheerfully careening to the ground.

"Is... is he gonna be okay?" Kaminari asked Shinsou who shrugged and waited for a loud thud before he decided to be concerned.

"Izuku?" Shoto asked, peeking slightly out the window, not ready to see Izuku's innards.

"TEN POINTS STUCK THE LANDING!" Izuku shouted, already bolting for the exit.

Ectoplasm watched the scene unfold. He couldn't survive that, his clones couldn't, and Nezu hadn't closed the gate, so oh well.

"Be free, little man," Ectoplasm muttered, handing out a quiz to the rest of the class.

~~

Finally free from his great escape, his next task was getting on a train that would get him to Ingenium's agency at top speeds.

No train was fast enough, so Izuku went on foot.

and on roofs.

and pipes.

and gutters.

and a small child's ice cream cone.

But he got there at the exact time the train he would've taken did so that's at least a little impressive.

The real issue at the moment was finding Chizome, the obnoxious mosquito was a slippery one. He was definitely more of a leech than a mosquito.

Whatever, Izuku needed to search the allies so he could get home before Eri and Kota.

~~

It took ten minutes for Izuku to decide he was done searching.

Poor guy was in a rush and Chizome could not fathom it.

He didn't have time to go pay a broker to find him so he did what any highly skilled underground criminal would do.

"ALL MIGHT IS A BUMFUZZLE!" Izuku yelled, from the darkest, dankest, alleyway he could find. Then he waited.

It took less than ten seconds for the tell-tale stomps of an enraged fanboy to meet his ears.

"How dare you!?" A very angry noseless man growled.

Given the tone he just used, Izuku knows damn well this man doesn't recognize him. At least he better not.

"Chi-chan! It's been too long!" Izuku beamed.

"oh".

"Yeah :D".

"Um...". Izuku had not been expecting the man to be so sheepish. How is he gonna run a villain organization but won't cop a little attitude?

"How's Inko been? The kids?".

"Dead, and as cute as ever,".

"..."

This was gonna be one hell of a conversation.