Chapter Text
Petunia Evans to Evans, Lily: Lily
Petunia: Lily Marie
Petunia: LILY MARIE EVANS!
Lily: jfc tuney im in class
Petunia: It’s very important!
Petunia: Have you heard the News about Netherfield?
Lily: that a band?
Petunia: No, Lily! The house on Elm Street!
Lily: v specific
Petunia: The Mansion, Lily.
Lily: ?
Petunia: Don’t be ridiculous! We took that tour last year, remember?
Lily: ...ok?
Petunia: It’s been leased! (Finally.) Saw Yvonne at the gym, she told me everything.
Petunia: Lily, are you even listening?
Lily: im in a tutorial. LEARNING
Petunia: You skipped two last week!
Petunia: Anyway, Yvonne ran into Ms. Bagshot at the hairdresser yesterday. (Bathilda Bagshot, that is. And not the hairdresser on Birch Street, the one on Oak Road.) She (Yvonne, not Bathilda) had to switch because that girl from Birch Street positively Ruined her hair. Turned it orange, and she couldn’t leave the house for three days until I helped her fix it! Cannot believe I nearly considered having that girl do my wedding hair!
Petunia: Do you remember her?
Petunia: Bathilda, not the hairdresser.
Petunia: Mad as a hatter, Bathilda is, always trying to pass off her burnt biscuits. (Although she’s wonderful for News.)
Lily: b4 i graduate tuney pls
Petunia: Impatience doesn’t suit, Lily. Now where was I?
Lily: netherfield
Petunia: Oh yes. Ms. Bagshot told Yvonne all about her tea with Mrs Pinkerton. Apparently, Mrs Pinkerton’s sister (the younger, not the elder) is a housekeeper at Netherfield. And according to her, a fine Gentleman came to see it on Monday.
—
Lily Evans to gal pAL: my sister!
Alice: Another dating profile?
Lily: no
Lily: sort of?
Lily: she keeps blathering abt netherfield
Alice: Oh you mean the Longbottom guy?
Lily: how do u even??
Alice: :)
Lily: mar?
Alice: Yep.
Lily: shdve known
Lily: al shes been going on 10 mins now look
Petunia: B-T-W (by the way), he’s single!
Lily: there it is
Lily: single has a name?
Petunia: Longbottom.
Lily: no
Petunia: Frank Longbottom.
Lily: not any better
Petunia: Well, Mrs Pinkerton’s sister thought him quite dashing. :-)
Alice: That’s…
Lily: what am I supposed to do??
Alice: Aren’t you in your gender and politics tutorial???? Pay attention to your prof!
Lily: *middle finger emoji* *kiss emoji*