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Chapter Text

"Are you with me, Lefa Levi?"

 I was startled when the teacher spoke, I had not noticed that he had been quiet for a while.  Realizing that I was distracted, I raised my head and looked at my teacher among the books.

 "Forgive me, I got away from here."

 “I understand you, Lefa Levi, you're boiling with the energy that your age brings, but you should get this knowledge while your time still in your hands. Filling clean pages is much easier when you don't have to erase scribbles. ”

 When my teacher repeated the sentence he always said to me, I slowly lowered my eyes.  Filling my clean pages with the knowledge that I will not use in the future is just the pioneer that I will deal with deleting after in my future. 

 “I can see what you're thinking, Lefa Levi, you must understand it, this knowledge should be with you when you need to use the great Koru blood in the future.  We cannot know what the future will bring and take from us, your hands must always a sword, your eyes are a falcon and your mind is- "

 "Is be like a library."

 We completed the sentence with the teacher at the same time, he smiled at the childish act of mine. 

 “Marisa didn't need the sword in history, Lefa Levi.  We have three lofty mountains protecting us and a blessed Goddess.  It has always food, drinking water and been our home for our children.  Let our Goddess never leave this Koruka, but if one day the enemies want to take what's ours, we must surround ourselves with swords.  How can we accept help from that distant part of our Goddess while we cannot protect our own heart?  If we try to reach our Goddess while we cannot fill our minds and see what our eyes can see, we cannot lower our hands ever again. ”

 A silence occurred in our room where the curtains protected us from the noon heat.  I did not rush to digest what my teacher said, I repeated the sentences he said in my mind and lifted my soul that started to fall.

 "Thank you, teacher."

 My teacher smiled again, wrinkles around his eyes deepened.

 “Koru Kerim, which he took out for fishing ...”

 When I realized that we were back in the book, I lowered my eyes with interest.  When I was listening to my teacher, I was repeating the same advice without realizing it.

 >Your hands are sword...

 > Your eyes are falcon...

 “And your mind should be like a library”

 "My Koru, what is your desire?"

 The servant who bowed his head as soon as he felt my eyes, begin clasped his hands.  I now understood why he wanted my attention, I muttered without realizing it again.

 I turn my head forward without answering.  The servant stood without breaking his position, he was prepared to not miss any words from my mouth this time. 

 "Nothing."

 Silence reigned again, I had to take my old lessons out of my mind.  It was years since my teacher died, and he was still in my mind with the knowledge he gave. How many clean sheets did I have left?

 "My Koru, with your permission, there are things that desire to appear before you."

 The porter shouted before he threw himself on his knees, after all, he was quite far away.

 "Hurry then."  I did not need to raise my voice, the servant near me was already moving with my first word.

 I heard the noise behind the door from where I was sitting, the words "Bring it, be careful, dangerous ..." intertwined, tense shouts echoed. 

 When I felt that my interest was gathering somewhere, I stood up, but I did not get up.

 The doors opened, and a dozen protective inputs with a cage inside, they were keeping the silence of being in my presence, but their teeth were tight and their muscles tense.  After driving the cage to the centre, the men in front of it started to pull, revealing the half-covered cage with the cloth.

 The guards fell to their knees and the one who was going to speak has come close before me, then go down to his too.

 "My Koru its a pride to appear before you."  After a long wait for my unanswered response, he continued, “We brought this property, which we found in the hands of traders trying to cross the mountain, for your judgment, please forgive us if we made a mistake.”

 While the cause of all this fuss was still not shown, I waited without making a sound to stretch the guards further.  I spoke as soon as I felt that the guardian who was in front of me would begin to apologize.

 "Lift the covering."

 One of the guards immediately got up and with try to avoid getting too close to the cage, grabbed the tip of the veil, quickly pulling down and fleeing backwards.

 "Hmm."  What was this?

 A big bird?

 My eyebrows quickly rose and I got up, and as I approached the cage, the guards around me got up and went to the defence.  My approach to the Cages as the Koru was clearly reversing them, and my excitement was growing.

 I stood two steps from the cage.

 I was holding my breath unconsciously, my eyes narrowed and my eyebrows frowned.

 There was a teenager in the cage.

 A teenager with wings.

Chapter Text

There was a teenager in the cage.

A teenager with wings.

"A winged." I whispered towards the cage. It was a winged indeed, its brown hair and toes appeared only between these huge wings. Wings wrapped around its body like a quilt, protecting it from around. The only evidence showing that it is alive was moving of its breathing. Crouching right in the middle of the cage, isolated from the eyes and sounds around with its wings.

When I put my hand on the wires of the copper cage, it caused to guards make sounds of appeals around me, I slowly crouched on my knees, to come with the same height level as the winged.

"Hey." It did not move the hair when I called the winged.

I hit the ring on my finger violently on the bar of the cage, while the loud voice reverberated in the room, winged surrounded the wings to itself more with fear.

"Oh, it's good to know you're not deaf." I stood off the ground and started to tour the cage, I wouldn't take my eyes off the winged and examine the whole body. I remain on his back in the area where his wings meet his body. His spine could be easily counted, and it helped me examine the anatomy of the bones' salience.

Next to a vertebra in the middle of the rib cage, there are two more vertebrae, which appear more prominent than the others, and right next to them, wingeds wings began. There were more lilac-coloured feathers where the stained and grey-brown wings blended with the flesh. The wings that covered his whole body looked much larger than I have seen in the old paintings. It was certain that it could not fully open them inside of this cage.

"You said you got it from the merchants, where were they taking this winged?" I asked the question to my men without taking my eyes off the winged.

"My Koru, traders said they went to the next town to sell it a circus."

"Where are these merchants now?"

"They're in court, my Koru."

“That means executions tomorrow, beautiful. Learn everything they know about winged before execution.” I can’t tell what’s wingeds wings colour, this brown colour can be because of dirt. “Where did they find this winged?”

"My Koru, all three traders said different things, so we're not sure."

“I understood, even if you need to resort to torture, find out the truth. The winged is not easily caught, we need to know who we are dealing with. ”

"As you wish, my Koru."

As I was still studying the winged, the guards began to wait quietly. The winged stood unresponsively in his cage, not even looking to investigate. As if he didn't care what would happen to him.

It was as if the worst thing that could happen was now. It was quietly serving its sentence. When was it captured? How long has it been in this enclosure? When was the last time it had something to eat?

Really, what were these wingeds eating? Meat? Vegetables? Grain? My knowledge of wingeds was inadequate and its accuracy was uncertain. This situation should change.

"Send word to the country, I want the most informed person with the wingeds in my palace as soon as possible."

"My Koru, are we going to keep this winged in the Palace?" The servant asked hesitantly.

“Yes, evacuate a room and move it there without removing it from its cage. A room that has big windows.” Finally, I pulled my eyes from the winged and turned to the guards. “You will all be rewarded with two gold coins. Now you can leave. ” After all, they could sell this winged and earn some coin, if I did not give a reward now, they would choose the easy money next time.
You can’t train a dog just from beating. It needs to taste good to know bad.

“Thank you, my Koru. Goddess bless you."

I strolled back to my throne and didn't give attention to the noises from behind. But before the cage of the winged came out the entrance, I looked at it deeply, it still looked like a statue in the middle of the cage.

Was it waiting to die?

•••

"My Koru, the called wise upon your request for winged came to the palace.”

The servant brought me the news in the middle of my dinner. It had been two days since winged came to my Palace, and I went to see it only once. It was taken into a room with high ceilings and large windows, upon request, and it was looking pathetic with a small cage in the huge room. It was never moving from its spot or was returning to the same position back after it moved. We had not yet found what it was eating, even though it was starving, it wouldn't show it, or it could go hungry much longer than we can. The traders were ignorant and executed. The only hope was left to the wise.

“I will meet him in the second hall after my meal is over. Give him food and tea.”

"As you wish, my Koru."

When the servant left the room, I kept on my meal without haste. How much hungry the winged was? The wise, I hope they know what the winged eats because if it goes like this, it may die of starvation.

I left my fork on the table with my appetite escaping. It was nothing but trouble, this winged.

"You can collect."

I left the table and set off to the second hall.

••

"My Koru."

I felt a little uneasy because I came without giving a chance to the wise eat the food that served. The man who was supposed to be wise got up from his seat, now greeting me with on his knees. When we finished talking, he could continue his feed, winged was more essential.

"Let's go to the library." I started treading gradually to the Library, hoping that the wise would follow me after submitting my request.

I went to the library with footsteps from behind, one of the servants opened the door to me, and the wise entered after me.

The wise kept quietly coming after me, I brought him to the small opening in the heart of the books for us to work. In this opening, there were a low table and ground covers on both sides. I sat on the one of cloth on the floor by adjusting my clothes and waited for the wise to come in front of me.

"I hope you have knowledge about wingeds." He was an old man, with disruptions in his movements.

"I live my last twenty-year researching wingeds, my Koru."

"I am unfortunately ignorant of the wingeds, I would be pleased if you could accept me as your student."

If the wise saw me only as his Koru, we wouldn't get anywhere. He should have known me as a student.

"Being your teacher is a pride for me, Koru." Finally, he raised his eyes from the ground and looked at me. As a teacher, he could talk to me more comfortably, this is necessary for me to benefit from the information he has gained.

“I am glad, my teacher. I want to ask my most important question... What do these wingeds eat? ”

The wise, he smiled at me where he sat, and moved to a more comfortable position. It would be a long lesson after all.

••

I can not sleep.

I kept waiting with my eyes covered in my mattress, even though my body was so exhausted, my mind wouldn't let me sleep. My mind was always on the same spot. Since the very first day.

Winged.

"Come on." I switch positions on my bed with anger. We had a long lesson with the wise today, most of the knowledge he knew was from old books. Although he was more literate about the issue in our opinion, his practical knowledge was lacking. He did not even know that we had a winged in the Palace, I decided that no people should have contact with the winged unless necessary. Who knows how tired of people it is? Living with eyes on its, without ending. People keep talking about it all the time but it can't respond. They wait for it to make a show. A lot of roles loaded on when it was born. What it has to do is expected and they do not want it to appeal. It must be tired of people.

The wise mentioned a woman today. He said there was a woman living on the mountain and, according to the rumours in her lower village, she could communicate with the birds. Of course, when I heard the word of rumour, that my face changed its shape and when he saw it he said with a rush that he visited this woman and that her interaction with the birds was correct. I immediately sent word for this crazy woman, I hope she will be in my palace in two weeks.

I opened my eyes deliberately, my room was gloomy. Every time I tried to reach sleep, it slipped from my hands like a wet fish.

I got up with the jitters from my bed and put on my dressing robe. If I couldn't sleep, the winged might not have been able to sleep too because of it's the cause.

I flee quietly from my room and started walking to the room of the winged. If I came across the guards, they could know that their Koru was a person who could suffer from sleeplessness too, and that would not be pleasant. Ultimate Koru and insomnia? There is no likelihood of this of course.

When I came in front of wingeds room, I opened the door and rapidly let myself in. I set the candle next to the entrance on fire, the winged stood exact way it inside its enclosure. Even though I had entered, its pathetic position did not change, as if it wasn't interested in anything around. It made me relaxed to know that it did not sleep like me and that a winged could not rest also. The wise did not know wingeds sleep Schedule but he said they were not nocturnal. It should have slept when it was dark, but it wasn't. Like me.

Taking the candle in my hand, I went over to winged and said the first thing that appeared to my mind.

“This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We gave you fish before, why can't you eat anything cooked? What does it matter when it is raw? ”

Chapter Text

“Rest well, my Koru. Goddess bless you. ”

The attendant closed the door slowly, and when there was no candlelight, my room turned dark.

I calmly gave the breath I held. I started to wait under the duvets with my nightgown. The voices behind my door gradually subsided, the palace was preparing itself for sleep. When silence prevailed, I lit a candle, slipping out of my bed. When the candle gave the last light, everyone would be asleep. Kitchen workers were the last sleepers, it takes a long time for all cleaning to end. I have little time before the guards start their night shifts.

When this candle goes out, no one will stay awake, and it will be a time for me before the guards get out of bed and start patrolling the palace for the night.

In order to escape from my room and go to the winged.

When this candle goes out, I will go to see the winged.

•••

When I opened the door, the room was dark. Since the candles of the palace were not burned for tonight yet, I had to take one candle from my own room to find my way. The fire in my hand did not illuminate the huge room, but I don’t need it anyway. There was only one thing I had to see in this dark, which is winged.

"I think we are not a fan of sleep." I closed the door and went to the cage. As usual, winged was sitting in the middle of the cage, with its wings wrapped around it. Now I stopped expecting a reaction from winged, obviously, it didn't care about my existence or absence.

"I must bring fabric with me the next time, I'm tired of sitting on the cold floor," I complained to myself as I was squatting on the ground. I unconsciously voiced that I would come again the next night. There was no reason for me to come, why am I sure speaking as if it was a routine I've been doing for years?

"The wise said that you eat raw fish as a whole, I had some doubts, but apparently it was unnecessary." When the candlelight illuminated the inside of the cage, it showed that nothing was left from the dinner.

"Your jaw muscles should be really strong since you can eat the bones as well." True, the wise man today talked about this in the lesson. Strong.

“Wise said you are powerful a being. Not very realistic, eh? When you look from here, you don't look very strong. Maybe it's because you're emaciated, it's obvious you haven't been fed well for a while. Maybe that is why you have fallen out of power.” I put the candle on the floor next to me. I don't want the melted wax to drop on my fingers.

“I wonder how long you've been in that cage. Should we get you bigger? Maybe you will prefer one with which you can spread your wings.” Yes, one that it can spread its wings.

Maybe it can open wings more comfortably outside, right? For example when flying in the sky?

I frown down at myself. This is not the time to think nonsense.

“Never mind. Maybe we won't. You don't move anyway, what's the difference if it's bigger. ”

Stillness. Even the sound of breath could not be heard.

“You're alive, right? Don't die on me. Let's not deal with your corpse.” Oh, there it is. A little move. It's breathing.

“It might actually be a nice plan for you. If you pretend to be dead, we would open your cage to look at you and you fly away with your wings. What do you say? I suggest you think about it." I raised my head to the big windows in the room.

The windows are open, why are they open?

Oh right, that's what I ordered. No wonder it was cold here, why did I say open it? I must tell the servants to shut them tomorrow.

I lowered my head towards the winged. It stands in this little cage, without moving. I look outside again.

Better not to close the windows, actually. Clean air, albeit cold. In this cramped cage, winged must be overwhelmed. Hmm, now I remember why I had it opened. I thought winged would like to raise the head and see outside.

“As if you are looking. What nonsense I was thinking at that moment.” I sighed with boredom. “We will keep it open anyway. Closing it would be extra work.”

For a long time, I just looked into the emptiness. Why did I come here anyway? Just a waste of time. Talking with something that doesn't understand me, trying to chat with something that doesn't even acknowledge. Absurd.

I still don't get up. I will get up when the candle runs out, I decided on my mind.

When the candle ends, I will go back to my darkroom. I will go secretly so that the guards won't see me. Then I will stare at the ceiling under my duvet until I see the first lights of the morning. When the servant comes to lift me in the morning, I will pretend I have just woken up as usual. It's always the same. Routine.

“How are they cleaning this cage? Are they pouring soapy water over you? If I think they can't open the cage, they must be doing so. Someone suddenly pours a bucket of sparkling water over you. You must don't like it very much. There is no other way, so we can't do anything. After all, you must be doing your toilet there. Because you can't get out. ”

Although I was talking to myself, even if the winged did not understand a single thing I said, it was nice to talk to something. I was exhausted from writing for a long time ago, so it's nice.

“What would you do first if you come out? Will you fly right out of that open window? Or at first, you attack everybody who comes in front of you? I think it's the most logical thing to escape without wasting time. If you attack someone, you lose time and you can be captured again.”

Prisoner. Winged, you're exactly a jailbird. But why?

“It's good to know what you're eating. I thought you would starve. I mean, I guess it wouldn't matter if you died. You don't move a lot anyway. Yet it's better that you don't die. I wouldn't want people to say we couldn't keep a bird alive.” They could actually say what they wanted. I don't care much. But still, I wouldn't want to kill a bird under my care. It would be a little disappointing.

“It always happens when you are a Koru. Was there a wolf attack in the village on my farthest land? My fault. Have they had a good harvest in the same village? My success. I am responsible for everything. Isn't it ridiculous? I don't even leave this palace, but they act as if I was doing everything. Koru that, Koru this. The same bullshit. ”

I rubbed my eyes. Insomnia was something I was used to, but since it came with wings, it was as if it was more intolerable. Half of the candle now flowed to the ground melted.

“The Wise had the woman he was talking about? Who can speak to wingeds? When will she come here? Wise is a very boring man. He has never even seen a real winged in his life. How does he talk so much about something he has never seen? The books he had read are from prehistoric times. He says you are the strongest creature in the mountains. It is flying even faster than eagles, it is stronger than bears. But look at you. In a small cage, pathetically still, you're waiting to die. You don't even have an objection. You're just waiting.” At least he knew what it was eating right. Other information did not match the miserable creature standing in front of me.

The room suddenly turned black. Looking at my side, I saw that the candle stopped giving light as spent, now flowing on the floor.

I don't get up from my seat and go to bed as planned. I don't see the winged very well anymore, the night does not promise me anything except the moonlight coming through the windows.

Silence again.

How could it stand like this? Why did it agree to be in a cage as it could fly in the endless sky? It could try to attack us, cry until it couldn't make a sound, could go on a hunger strike, it could fight. It could fight. It could just look up at us holding its wings in this cage, showing us that it was suffering. It could blame us, look at us with disgust. But it wasn't. It wasn't doing anything. Nothing.

"You're so pathetic, you know that, right?" I whispered to the winged with a hatred I didn't know where it came from. “You just sit in this cage. You accepted everything. If I don't give you food tomorrow, you'll be hungry. Are you aware of this? You only die if I feel like to kill you, just because I have the slightest urge at that moment. You have no right to speak, I don't think you will say anything anyway. You stand there. You eat the food someone brings, you make someone clean your shit. Why do you live? ”

My eyes were filled with loathing. I hadn't hated anything so much in my life.

"Really, why are you still living?"

Ambitiously, I got up from the ground. Every second I look at the winged, I get even angrier. The poison inside me went up to my throat. If I stayed here for a more second, I will kill the winged.

I ran into my room without even thinking about the guards.

I try to calm myself when I got into my quilt. As a Koru, I shouldn't be so subjective. A Koru must be always calm.

Later on, while looking at my ceiling, I realized something at once. While vomiting my hatred for the winged and leaving the room, just closing the door.

It raised its head... Right?

I took this thought out of my mind before I could trust yourself. It didn't understand what I was saying, it couldn't react. There must be an illusion of the eye. Yeah yeah, I saw it wrong when I was furious.

I guess.

•••

Why? Why do I come here again?

I was standing in front of the door of the winged’s room, in my night cloth, with the candle in my hand. Tonight I carry a candlestick and a fabric.

Should I enter?

The reason for my hesitation to enter was that I feel absurdly shameless.

Why do I feel like I'm breaking my pride? It did not understand anything. For winged, last night was just a man going in, shouting and coming out. It did not understand why I got mad, mad at it.

I take a deep breath and give it through my nose. This was foolish. I am a Koru. I can act as I wish. I do not have to feel guilty about any of my actions, for nobody, especially for a bird.

But still, I keep lingering at the door.

The voice I heard from my back was enough to convince me to get in. The guards must have been awakened.

I opened the door without hesitation and let myself in. I don't have to account for anyone. Why did I come? Because I feel like it. It's that simple.

"Looks like you are still determined to maintain your position." I started walking towards winged’s cage. While I was throwing my fabric to where I was sitting yesterday, I saw that the candle that melts on the floor last night was cleaned.

Why didn't anyone report this to me? It was something that showed somebody entering the winged’s room at night, but nobody came to me and said that.

I thought of scolding the servants tomorrow morning, but if I do that, it will be understood that I was visiting at the night. Even I don't like the situation, I sat quietly on the fabric.

I don't know what to say to the winged. As soon as I tried to sleep in my room, I decided to see the winged, and I didn't think about it deeply until I came to the door. However now I am here, and I don't know what to say.

As if what I say has a purpose. It doesn't understand anyway.

“Wise was about to kill me from boredom today. He tells fairy tales all day long, always stories. It is so obvious that they are not real. He said you had three eyes, in one of them. What the hell is this nonsense? I hope the crazy woman on the mountain will come here soon. Then I'll send the wise out of my palace immediately.” I looked at winged’s toes lit by candlelight. How dirty it looks.

“I decided not to show you to the wise. He mentioned a winged that had been caught before in today's lesson, he made a three-month journey just to reach this bird. You know why? Because he wants to buy and kill it. He wanted to cut it and look at what's inside.” I feel sick when the facial expression of the wise while saying these things come in my mind. The excitement in his eyes was disturbing.

“Luckily, the winged isn't the real. They made false wings on the back of one little boy so that they could trick people to pay and see it from afar at the fairgrounds. What an irony. The wise found what he deserved, didn't he? Just killing something out of curiosity, to look at the creatures inside. Foolish man." He could try to kill my winged too, so I'm not going to show him the bird. He does not have the right to see either.

My winged, this winged is mine, right? But for some reason, I don't feel like I'm owing the winged. As a Koru, everything in this country is mine. For a while of course.

“You're a real winged, aren't you? Oh, how funny it would be if you were phoney. You would already say something, right? Your wings look pretty real also. How would it be if you were human? Suddenly your crying for your mother would shock everyone here.” I really wish it hadn't been actually winged. Then they would be taken out of this cage immediately. Perhaps we'd even get they a job at the palace, apologizing for keeping they in the cage. If winged were a person, it would be wrong to force them here in this cage.

What difference does it make when it comes to winged?

“I got good news today. Mikasa is pregnant again. Maybe this time it will be really a boy.” Mikasa is my half-sister. “There's more time to her birth. I'll have to wait a little longer. ”

The winged did not surprise me at all. I was hot under the collar yesterday, I did not even understand why I was so angry still now. For some reason, it was calming me today that it was just standing in the cage. Maybe it made me comfortable to see that winged was not bothered with me for yesterday.

The candlelight was swept by the wind entering through the windows, and silence dominated the room. In winged’s cage, I studied it for a long time while standing still too.

I could not see how long the brown hair was, its huge wings were hiding almost everything. Winged's toes seemed to belong to a young teen, although I wasn't certain. For some reason, the area, its wings, which I should be most interested in wasn't fascinating me greatly.

I was wondering about winged’s body.

What is its gender? Is it naked right now? Is it everywhere bony like its back? Does it have any wounds? So what about scars? How was its face?

How was winged's face?

How is its facial expression now? What do its eyes, nose, mouth look like? It doesn't really have three eyes, does it?

All these questions would remain unanswered as the winged hid there. Maybe that's why it was hiding, it could be punishing us with our curiosity. But wasn't it wondering about us? Does it ever think about what's going on around this cage? Doesn't it ever wonder about the man who bothers itself at night and sentenced it to this cage?

Why doesn't it care about my existence at all?

A strong wind took me out of my thoughts, the breeze was enough to put out the candle fire. The room, which suddenly darkened, felt like yesterday. Being together with the winged under the moonlight made it feel very strange. Like a secret, like a shame, as if I'm sinning.

"I thought of you all day." In this silence, it seems wrong to make a louder sound than a whisper. My words intuitively carried a pathetic undertone.

“After what I told you last night, I thought of you all day. I'm glad you can't understand me, so you'll never know what I said to you. No matter how cruelly I speak, how gently I speak, it will not amount to something. To be able to speak as I wish, I have never talked to anyone like this before. So I started writing one day, I wrote everything I couldn't say. But then I got tired of it and stopped writing. Then you came, and you happened something that I could speak as I wanted. I was happy with this, I thought it was a good thing that you couldn't understand me.” I swallowed hard. A sorrow fell upon me, it made me feel the emptiness inside of me.

"But then, I wish you could understand me now." Why do words I say felt like a confession? Suddenly I felt vulnerable. When was the last time I felt so exposed?

“I wish you could understand me. Maybe then you wouldn't just be something I could talk to, you would be someone listening to me.”
I don't turn to look winged, so I will never know if it looks after me while I exit towards the door.

I dreamed about a beautiful woman that night, with wings smooth as a raven’s, face as my mother.