Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kang Bear, they call her.

Kang Seulgi’s ability to stay calm and exhibit minimal change in reaction has helped her gain the infamous title.

Seulgi loves it though.

She didn’t mind being associated with a naturally feral animal—especially when her friends use the nickname with brimming amount of affection— however, she never actually believed she possessed such Zen energy… until now.

“Do you mind if I play some music?”

Seulgi gripped the steering wheel, throwing a shy glance towards the girl on her right side, “No,” she smiles, “not at all.”

She sighs as an outrageously rock (ear bleeding) music, blasted through the small confines of her car. She definitely didn’t sign up for this.

Seulgi should blame her friends but she knows they mean well.

These past few days have been a whirlwind of events and Seulgi, being too involved with the activity, has been losing sleep. Her eyes now sport a dark shadow underneath. Even her friends, who are as occupied as her, manage to get some rest but she just can’t.

Her nerves keep up whenever her back hits the bed.

Wendy noticed... well, all of them did.

“Go unwind,” Wendy pats her back, “we’ll take care of the venue, Seul. Don’t worry.”

“But—”

“Kang Seulgi, I can see you frowning from here,” Irene reprimands, “that’s bad for business.”

Seulgi groans, it’s just that she wants everything to go smoothly. Seulgi has been obsessing over this event for a few months now.  Her excessive talking probably rendered Wendy deaf, but the latter didn’t mind—if anything, her best friend was quite supportive. Wendy helped her with the planning, tagging her girlfriend, Irene, along.

Wendy’s spontaneity and eye for art works well with Irene’s discipline and flawless planning.

Seulgi does the art, the two do the showcasing.

It was perfect—well, that was until they kicked Seulgi out of the preparations.

She knows that her presence doesn’t do much help; she can’t make calls because she lacks connections (Wendy does this one). She also can’t go around commanding people due to her soft and calm demeanor, so Irene took it upon herself to boss people around—which Seulgi was thankful for, really… but despite her lack of contribution, she wants to be there, to witness how everything will come to life.

If the exhibit  goes well,  it would open revolving doors of opportunities for Seulgi (she hopes) and she wouldn’t have to struggle for money, then she could finally pay her friends for all the effort they put in helping her sell her pieces (another wishful thinking, but an artist can dream, right.

A familiar giggle caught Seulgi’s attention.

The devious sound came from none other than... Kim Yerim.

Seulgi can’t really recall how they became friends with someone so young, all that she can remember is that one time she sat with Yeri at a computer shop beside her school, and how she evilly expressed distaste at Seulgi’s gaming strategy.

Yeri threw her bag carelessly on the floor. Her high school uniform makes her look innocent than she actually is, a stark contrast to her wicked personality.

 “Stop thinking too much, Unnie,” Yeri knocked on her forehead, the force left a stinging pain on the space between her brows, “we’re just concerned… you need to relax.”

“Yerim’s right for a change,” Irene quips.

Yeri chuckles, “So stop stressing over and go! We’ll take care of everything,” the younger girl winks at her.

Seulgi doesn’t know if she can actually enjoy being away when Yeri almost drop one of her paintings in attempt to shot a finger gun at her. Irene squeaks while throwing Yeri a sharp glance. There’s no way this wouldn’t end in disaster, Seulgi just hopes that the two could keep the youngest girl in check.

Seulgi calms herself, maybe she’ll just think of ways to make this trip productive. With her backpack and sketchbook, along with her severely scratched truck, anything can be positive right?

Right.

The plan was to go on a road trip alone, maybe have some stop overs (to paint any subjects that spark interest), spend nights on cheap motel rooms (gross, she knows, but artists do that, right?) or her car, take some candid pictures and gather all material that she could add for her upcoming exhibit.

That was the plan.

Was.

Seulgi should have known better.

Because she didn’t expect to be dragged by a stranger towards her own car in a gas station, and be commanded to drive like she hired Seulgi as her own personal chauffeur.

“So…” Seulgi mumbles, eyes never leaving the road, “where should I drop you off?”

“Sorry?” The girl asks, head slightly banging to the rhythm of whatever satanic music that is.

Seulgi manages to sneak in a glance while motioning to turn down the music, the girl obliges, “I said, where should I drop you off?”

“Oh,” the girl stopped the music, thank God, her mouth slowly turning upside down, “I don’t know, probably wherever you are going.”

Seulgi scoffs, as much as she hates to admit it, this is her alone time. She’s not very hype spending it with a stranger who practically forced her without as much as introducing herself. Seulgi sighs and chose her words carefully, settling with, “I’m on a road trip.”

“Then I’ll go on a road trip with you.”

Seulgi shook her head, “Aren’t you afraid?”

The taller girl smirk, “Are you?”

Yes, Seulgi wanted to say. It’s her first time hitting the road without any sense of direction, that much was enough reason to elevate her fears and having a complete stranger beside her doesn’t help that predicament either.

“No, but you should,” Seulgi lies in defiance. She’s not going to give this girl the satisfaction of knowing that she scares her, because she does, with that height and attractive face, (a combination that reminds her of Ted Bundy), Seulgi’s watched enough horror movies and crime documentaries to know how life threatening it is to pick up a stranger in the middle of nowhere—or anywhere for that matter.

“I’m not scared,” the girl looks out the window then back at her, “life’s all about living on the edge, am I right?” The girl chuckles and Seulgi knows how she’s at the losing end.

How could she not read between the lines and get the hint that Seulgi doesn’t want her along?

“I’m dangerous,” Seulgi tries again, conjuring up her scariest mean look.

A loud, obnoxious cackling echoes, “Oh please,” the girl claps continuously, “if by dangerous you mean adorable teddy bear, then yes, you really are dangerous, unnie.” The last line reeks of mockery that even Seulgi’s dense brain managed to caught up with it.

“Kang Seulgi, twenty-six,” the girl chants in bored voice as she flicks over Seulgi’s compartment box. Her driver license peeking through.

Seulgi should tell her off, sway her prying hands away, but something inside her tells that the other girl wouldn’t listen anyway, so she lets her.

“And you?” Seulgi clears her throat, “or do you prefer being anonymous?”

“Park Sooyoung, twenty-three,” she offers the information carelessly, like it didn’t really matter if Seulgi knows, “or Joy, because I make people happy.”

“I doubt that,” Seulgi’s tongue slips off; she didn’t mean to say that out loud.

“And why is that?” Joy asks a finger already prodding on Seulgi’s side.

So, Joy doesn’t only drag strangers towards their car, makes fun of them, she also doesn’t have any respect for personal space, that much was established after a few minutes of being in the same breathing space together. Seulgi wonders how much of Joy’s personality will be revealed after an hour.

“Because you’re annoying me.”

Joy hums in response.

“But seriously, I’m going off grid,” Seulgi explains, “just tell me where you’re going, any station perhaps?”

“Why can’t you just let me tag along?”

“Because,” Seulgi tries to rummage inside her head, “I don’t know you.”

Joy rolls her eyes, “I literally just introduced myself.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Joy whips around to face her, her long legs dangling awkwardly on Seulgi’s car seat. The girl closed her eyes (Seulgi tries not to stare at how long the girl’s eyelashes are) and breathe as if to relax herself, well, if Seulgi’s going to be honest, Joy’s not the only one losing patience.

Maybe Seulgi will lose her Kang Bear title after this trip.

“Think of it this way,” Joy chants, “one day you’re going to look back in this moment and think, ‘what a great experience’—Joy motions her face—I mean, right? To be in a road trip with someone as gorgeous as me should be an honor.”

“I don’t understand,” Seulgi murmurs.

“Seulgi.”

“Joy,” Seulgi reiterated.

“This could be the best adventure of your life…”

“Or the worst,” Seulgi counters.

“I don’t get where all of these negativity are coming from.”

Seulgi exhales, “This isn’t a vacation, Joy. I actually have some errands to do. You’ll get bored—and by the way, don’t you have a family to go home to?” Seulgi stepped on gas after seeing how vacant the road has been.

Joy’s proving to be hard headed than she thought she is.

 “I am not looking for a vacation, unnie,” Joy explains, “let me help you with your errands, and oh, I don’t get bored easily.”

Seulgi told herself not to think much of how Joy obviously avoided her question about her family. They all have their issues and Seulgi’s not one to judge. She has her own dispute with her mom... but time heals everything, or at least that’s what she thinks.

“You didn’t steal anything from the store at the gas station earlier, did you?” Seulgi prods, leaving Joy’s eyes wide at her ridiculous accusation.

“What? No!”

“Just making sure you aren’t making me your getaway driver,” Seulgi smiles apologetically, hands scratching her short bangs, “I can’t afford to harbor a fugitive, you know?”

“I get it, I mean I wouldn’t trust myself either,” Seulgi’s eyebrow raises at the sudden honesty. Joy gently pushes Seulgi’s shoulder, “but for the record, I am not a criminal.”

Seulgi sighs in defeat.

“So,” Joy coughs, “can I come with you?”

Seulgi sighs again, louder this time.

“Is that a yes?” Joy excitedly claps her hands, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

What could go wrong, right?

Seulgi’s just going to spend the next few days with a complete stranger whom she doesn’t know anything about except, of course, name.

Park Sooyoung.

Joy, because she makes people happy.

That, and also the fact that this girl— despite her sharp tongue—got Seulgi’s interest (as an artist, Seulgi clarifies to no one but herself,) piqued, with her air of silent mystery. She talks a lot but never really drops off any essential, an open book with blank pages.

Plus, she’s got really pretty eyes that Seulgi tries to embed at the back of her mind… stocking it for unknown reasons.

Turns out, Joy wasn’t a bad company as Seulgi made her out to be. She’s fun, if you can call her bold attempt at pneumonia by opening the sunroof of Seulgi’s truck fun, then she is… but kidding aside, Joy’s quite the philosopher and Seulgi’s having fun listening to her talk.

It’s nice to have a fresh perspective once in a while.

 “What do you do?” She probes, her hands fumbling over the burgers they bought at a drive thru, “besides hitch hiking and bothering strangers on road trips?”

Joy laughs as she reached out for her cola, “Well, for starters, I work at an animal shelter… What do you do, Unnie?” Joy grins, “Besides picking up strangers and feeding them?”

Seulgi shook her head, “If I remembered correctly, I didn’t pick you up. You practically drag me.”

Joy’s eyes crinkled at the memory, a hint of mischief glazing her lips, “Touché…” Joy stares at her, as if urging her to answer her previous question that now hangs above their heads, “Well?”

“I’m… I’m an artist,” Seulgi reluctantly whispered, her face tinted with faint pink.

She’s not ashamed of her job, truth to be told, she can’t imagine doing anything that doesn’t involve art. It’s just that… it’s a profession that’s always looked down upon and Seulgi’s got too used to hearing jabs about how most artists ended up being broke and eventually abandons their passion that now admitting that she’s one automatically induces anxiety.

You are not successful nor worth mentioning upon at family dinners if your profession doesn’t earn much.

It’s sick. Seulgi doesn’t blame her parents though, (she knows they’ll come around), she blames the social conditioning that lead people to think like that.

“Whoa,” Joy settles her burger down, “Really?”

Seulgi was taken aback. Okay, that’s odd. She definitely didn’t expect such gleeful response, but she’ll take it.

It’s better than the rest of them anyways.

“That’s so cool, I mean I could never draw to save my life,” Joy grins, “but besides that, I’m good at everything I do.”

There it is, the smug confidence that Seulgi’s beginning to get a hold off.

Seulgi grins sheepishly.

“Shall we hit the road again?”

Joy nods, her exhilarated smile poring over. Seulgi’s almost tempted to stay, tell Joy not to move while she gets her sketchpad.

She shook her head, that’d be weird.

It surprises Seulgi how their conversations flows smoothly. Normally, she would nod, groan and complain about Joy's incessant babbles but the girl didn't mind. Joy would still continue talking about her misadventures without any restrictions. She isn't shy nor ashamed, she doesn't have any filter either... but Seulgi still finds herself tuned in her voice. The soft rhythm, how her words curl at the end of every sentences, the way she emphasized her points, it was relaxing. Like art.

Joy would sometimes hum under her breath. The sound masks herself like a lullaby to Seulgi's ears.

She sighs, driving is all fun and games but exhaustion is eating her up. It wasn't like asking Joy to drive was an option. From the few hours that they've known each other, Seulgi's got one thing certain about the girl; she's reckless.

There's no way she'd let Joy drive. No matter how fun it would be watching Joy zigzag her way through the road.

So she pulled up on a roadside beach, sun glistening in its ethereal orange hue. Everything is so raw that Seulgi automatically grabbed her sketchbook, eyes never leaving the horizon.

Well, that was until Joy jumped out of the car, hands outstretched and hair slightly disheveled, that Seulgi’s eyes abandoned the setting sun to scan a more breath taking sight.

Oh boy, she’s in trouble.

She convinces herself that the sudden shift of her attention was because she’s an artist. She’s allowed to admire pretty things and not because of something that’s stubbornly moving inside her stomach. Seulgi smiled and shook her head, it’s probably just hunger.

Yes, I’m hungry.

No, she isn’t.

Chapter Text

Wendy has always been the smart one—not Seulgi.

Wendy is the one who rationalizes and chooses her decisions based on the calculated consequences. Wendy is her go-to person, and now that the smaller girl isn’t present, Seulgi doesn’t have any idea what to do—well, there is one thing.

But Wendy warned her not to use it too much.

Go through whatever feels right.

She doesn’t understand why her friend was so against her living on instinct (it did land her on detention one time in high school and almost failed her a couple of subjects in college because doing requirements doesn’t simply feel right, but other than that it’s all good… or so she hopes.)

Use your gut feel, Kang Seulgi.

She did.

So it isn’t actually surprising that she’s still staring at Joy instead of running back to her car, drive off and leave the strange girl alone.

Joy's skin glazes under the golden sunset. Her eyes widen at the view and Seulgi couldn't help but let out a few giggles at her reaction.

“Your eyes are about to pop out,” she comments and the latter frowns.

Wendy will never know, Seulgi convinces herself, she wouldn’t know I’m driving with a stranger.

But she did write everything that’s happened since morning on her phone, so if she ends up murdered, her friends will know the detailed version of stupidity that lead her to death. She pats herself mentally, her Irene unnie would be so proud of her plan.

Seulgi then settles herself on the sand. The smell of ocean wafting through her nose as she grabs her pencil and sketchpad, the move a little too familiar that it no longer feels like a job.

Joy on the other hand, removes her shoes and is now running towards the sea. Her long arms stretched sideward in attempt to hug the wind.

It was stunning.

Joy walks with confidence; as if the whole world is burning behind her. Her chin up, shoulders pushed back, her legs strutting in a way that reek unadulterated pride that others would probably mistake for arrogance.

But not to Seulgi... she doesn't see the world as it is.

She must've been too caught up that she didn't immediately feel the weight on her legs. Joy lie down, head resting on Seulgi’s lap.

“Draw me?”

Seulgi looks away, “No.”

She could hear the pout in Joy's voice, “Why not?”

“Because...”

She fears that her hand would draw lines that are a little shaky, that her shading would be too warm, that her craft might bear too much honesty and feelings and that she might scare Joy off.

It’s normal for Seulgi to feel insecure and doubt her abilities whenever she sees an unconventionally pretty subject; however, it never stopped her from drawing before.

She wonders what is it with Joy that she couldn’t bring herself to immortalize her face on a paper. Just for a little remembrance… so when all of this blew up and they had to part ways, she’d have something to look back to.

Joy raised her eyebrow at Seulgi’s silence.

She sighs, “Because you're not pretty enough.”

Joy's eyes flew open, warm orb of browns dances under the disappearing sunlight, “What?”

“You’re ugly,” Seulgi whispers, her wobbly voice was a dead giveaway that she was lying. She stares at Joy, her chinky eyes smiling at the satisfaction of throwing such mean jab.

The smile was easily erased though… because Joy sat up and accidentally bumped her head on Seulgi’s face.

“Ouch!”

“I’m sorry!”

“It hurts,” Seulgi whines in a singsong manner and Joy scooted closer, her face inching towards the older girl’s forehead, blowing air and massaging the red patch of skin.

“Sorry,” Joy chuckles, “I’m sorry…” Joy leans in and Seulgi felt a soft pair of lips touched her skin, “there, it’ll heal faster.”

Seulgi’s mouth hangs open as Joy stood up and walks away, her snickers waking up Seulgi from the sudden shock.

“D-did… did you just?”

 Joy looks back, a wide grin plastered on her face.

“Yes, I did,” she shrugs, “and what about it?”

“Your boyfriend’s?” Joy asks as Seulgi reaches out the oversized shirt that she likes sleeping in. The snuggly fabric despite being worn out has been Seulgi’s safety blanket… but maybe not tonight.

“You’re lending me your boyfriend’s shirt?”

Seulgi chortles at the accusatory tone, “It’s my brother’s.”

“Oh,” Joy smiles, “So you don’t have a boyfriend?”

“Why’d you ask?”

“I’m just… curious.”

Seulgi hums, fixing the bed, “Would you like to sleep together or…?”

She could hear Joy’s loud scoff, “What?”

“I mean I can sleep on the couch if you want since you pay for the room,” Seulgi continues, her mind clearly not registering how her offer of sleeping together came off rather sinful to Joy.

“I don’t mind sharing,” Joy admits, her eyes scanning the small bed before training it to Seulgi’s bright smile.

“Okay.”

They decided to drive off again after spending a few hours on the beach doing absolutely nothing other than staring at strangers and trying to make them uncomfortable (mostly Joy’s the one who did this).

Joy asked her to stop by a convenience store to buy some snacks and also a few beers that Seulgi eyed suspiciously.

“What? I’m not gonna get drunk, I swear,” she remembered Joy saying as she placed her credit card on the counter.

But it’s what they’ve been doing since they arrived at the motel… get drunk.

Seulgi’s a little thankful though. She doesn’t think she could handle being alone in a room with Joy sober. When Joy handed her the beer, she immediately accepts it, ignoring the teasing look from the girl.

 “Does it make you sad?”

“Huh?”

“Does it make you sad that all this time you’ve been drawing,” Joy plays with the lips of her beer bottle, “no one cares to draw you?”

Saying yes would feel like admitting she isn’t happy with what she does, and saying no would make her look heartless—which isn’t true— so she settles with a safe answer of, “I don’t know.”

“I think it makes you sad,” Joy states blandly. Her denim jacket now draped on her shoulders as she wears Seulgi’s favorite shirt.

Seulgi smiles, “Maybe a little.”

“See? I’m not much into art though,” Joy muses, taking a swig of the beer she's been nursing for an hour, “so I can’t draw you.” Joy grins sheepishly, a flush creeping up to her neck.

Seulgi doesn’t know if it’s because she’s drunk or because of something else.

She smacks her lips, embarrassment tinting her cheeks at Joy's unabashed staring. She's been like this since they went to the beach (when that happened). It wasn't creepy or anything, it's just... unsettling.

To have someone study you in a way you'll never understand.

Is this how people feels when she stares at them?

“I appreciate paintings and all that stuff but it's a come and go thing, you know?” Joy explains while leaning her head on the foot of the bed, “maybe because I don't understand it.”

 “Unnie,” Joy complains, a small smile curling on her lips, “this is a conversation... you're allowed to say something.”

Seulgi giggles, “I know.”

“Am I boring you?” Joy's burning gaze landed on Seulgi's face. Her eyes mirror the only light coming through the window. 

“No,” Seulgi scratches the collar of her sweater, “I just like listening to your voice.”

Joy coughs and sat properly.

Did she say something wrong?

Seulgi fumbles through her head, the alcohol making it slightly difficult to find an appropriate response.

“I'm sorry—”

“I like listening to your voice too,” Joy whispers, her mouth tugging upwards... She's smiling— almost shy. Ears reddening under the dark.

“So, talk, okay?” She said confidently and Seulgi laughs at the sudden drift of attitude, “Oh, I want to show you something!”

“What—” Seulgi gulps, “what are you doing?”

Joy's already pulling her shirt up, the hint of stomach made the gears in Seulgi’s already imbalanced brain short circuit. She starts mumbling nonsense, her eyes trained solely on the television that doesn't work.

It's funny.

Maybe it really is because she can hear Joy's cackling at the background.

“Relax,” Joy's hoarse voice echoes, “I'm just going to show you my tattoo.”

“I'm not naked,” Joy urges, “you can look, it's fine.”

J   O   Y

It was written in an impeccably perfect handwriting. Calligraphy, probably? Seulgi's not sure because that isn't her line of art but—

“Your skin looks soft,” Seulgi distractedly murmurs, her hand slowly inching towards Joy's ribs. A small echo reminded her of how inappropriate that is, so she pulls her arm back midway.

“It's okay.”

“Huh?”

“You can touch it,” Joy says, her eyes in a deeper shade of brown this time, “It's okay.”

Seulgi looks at Joy again and the latter's eyes crinkles, a simple nod follows.

A surge of something unfamiliar ran through her spine when her fingers touch Joy and Seulgi knows… this isn’t going to end well.

Joy's skin is warm, a huge contrast on her already freezing fingers.

Seulgi could make out the goose bumps that adorn Joy's alabaster skin. The way her eyes flutter at her touch. Her eyebrows meeting in a scrunch.

This is bad.

“How'd you get this?” Seulgi mumbles as her hand traces the slight curve of the letters.

“Impulsiveness, that's how. It's something I never really thought much about,” Joy chuckles.

Seulgi noticed how the younger girl's voice changed, it became hoarser. Warmer, like velvet on a summer night.

Good thing it's almost winter.

“Living on the edge?” Seulgi chortles, a clear reference to their first interaction. Who would've thought that they'd come this far?

“I’m not scared, life’s all about living on the edge, am I right?”

She shook her head as the memory plays in her head. Sitting on a dusty motel room, drinking beers and talking about things Seulgi never thought she’d share with a stranger, she realized how everything moved too fast.

“Yes,” Joy laughs, “living on the edge.”

“Do you regret it?” Seulgi looks up. Surprised that she even managed to peel her eyes away from the small ink that marked Joy's skin.

She wishes she could mark her too.

Seulgi scratches her nape at the ambitious thought.

“It's reckless... spontaneous,” Joy stares at the ceiling and then back to meet Seulgi's eyes, “irresponsible as how my mother describes it... but I don't regret it.”

“Why?”

“Things that we usually don't give much thought,” Joy shivers when Seulgi accidentally drags a fingernail on the younger girl's skin, “always ends up having the biggest impact, you know?”

Seulgi hums in response as she retraces her way back to letter Y.

“I don't want you to forget about me,” Seulgi whispers. It was hardly a sentence, just a quiet murmur of incoherent words, she was hoping Joy wouldn't catch it, but the latter did.

“Oh yeah?” Joy says as she leans in, her eyes looking directly at Seulgi.

“Yeah.”

Joy smiled and held Seulgi’s eyes a little too long than casual staring, “Kiss me.”

There's a reason why Seulgi's good at art. It's because she uses her heart more than her mind. She sees more than meets the eye, for years feelings have been her driving force. It's practically how she survived every assignment and sketches that meets her way and the amount of scrutiny that comes along with them.

Each and every art that she’s ever done reeks of feelings, a mixture of overwhelming passion and hard work.

It’s all heart.

Wendy would smack her head for abusing the organ too much but Seulgi's never learned.

So you can't really blame her when she leans in too, her lips brushing gently against the younger girl. The friction made her heart jumped against her chest. Joy's subtle fragrant perfume adds up to the tension building inside her.

Joy is intoxicating.

And she’s in daze.

It was probably the heat of the moment, or the neon lights from outside that provide illumination, or the obvious tension ever since Joy hopped inside her car that morning, maybe it's the alcohol, or the cozy warmth of the younger girl’s skin against hers that made everything blurry and senseless.

Seulgi told herself not to think about it.

She told herself not to think about it when Joy sat on her lap and straddles her.

She told herself not to think about it when she felt Joy's lips nip at her jaw, when the younger girl's teeth nibbled at her bottom lip, when everything moves from soft, butterfly kisses to sloppy, open-mouthed ones.

She told herself not to think about it when she carefully pushed Joy's shoulder (their breathing both ragged) while murmuring a quiet, i'm sorry, are you sure— before being smothered by another batch of honey-induced beer kisses, when her half lidded eyes shut close, mouth savoring the ghostly taste of honey as Joy 's muffled voice echoes at her ear.

It wasn't long before the fabric that hugs both Joy and Seulgi was replaced with feathered lips and gentle touches. Their eyes drinking each other's body better than they did on the beer that now lies sadly on the motel floor.

It’s nothing really, so she told herself not to think about all of it.

She has never been the smart one anyways.

But when she woke up that morning alone and cold—hands looking for the body she held that night only to find an empty space—Seulgi wish she had been smarter.

Chapter Text

Seulgi stares at the sketch that strategically sits on the bedside table. The lines are too thick... too heavy. The poor attempt at shading shows how inexperienced the person is at drawing.

But despite all that, Seulgi could see the effort that was generously exerted on the portrait, her first-ever self-portrait.

She's never been really interested on drawing herself. She thinks there aren't anything special with her features and that it would seem narcissistic of her to have herself sketched.

But to be drawn by someone... it feels different.

Even if the drawing looks sloppier than a kindergarten scrawl.

“Don't move,” she remembered Joy saying. Seulgi was lying sidewards, facing Joy as her left hand supports the weight of her head, the duvet barely covering her bared skin.

Joy on the other hand was wearing the shirt she lent her earlier, and Seulgi's pretty sure there's nothing underneath. It's fine though, it's not like she hasn't seen everything when they savagely ripped each other's clothes off hours ago.

Her face warmed-up at the thought.

“Unnie don't move!”

“I'm not,” Seulgi chuckles and Joy's lower lip juts out even more.

“You are a pretty hard subject,” Joy whines, her eyebrows almost meeting in the middle as her hand flicks slower on the paper.

“I didn't ask you to draw me.”

“Yeah, but I want to,” Joy looks up, smiles brightly and scratches her forehead with the tip of the pencil, “so you won't get a little sad.”

Seulgi melted at the sentiment.

She then looks away, hoping that the flush on her chest isn't too obvious for Joy to notice.

“You're moving again,” the younger girl huffs.

“Thank you.”

Joy frowns, “For what?”

“For drawing me,” Seulgi shrugs and when Joy smiles she swore she'd never look at the sun the same way ever again.

Seulgi noted the warmth of Joy's smile, the way her eyes crinkle, the slight tilt of her head, everything. It'll be her remembrance... but they did do the deed, so if anything, that was already a remembrance itself.

She wants to remember her in a lighter memory though. So whenever Joy looks up and smiles, she tries to etch it at the back of her head.

Maybe, in the near future, she'd have courage to draw her too.

“Done,” Joy sat up, proudly showing her the drawing, “Here... so you won't get all lonely.” Joy hands her the sketchpad and Seulgi chuckles, her hand tracing the shaky lines.

“I know you prefer watching in the sidelines and casually appreciating subjects,” Joy plays with Seulgi's fingers, drawing circles on her palm, “but you deserve to be appreciated too.”

I do?

Something in Seulgi's throat got caught up, it wasn't like her to be so moved with words—usually her tears swell with abstracts and emotional photographs—but there is something with Joy's eyes that says everything she's ever wanted to say but chose not to.

“You deserve to be drawn.”

Seulgi's lips quiver, her nose beginning to turn crimson red, she tries to laugh it off but it ended up sounding like sobs instead of giggles.

“Are you crying?”

Maybe her friends were right, she really is stressed. All these works make her terribly sensitive and emotional.

“Is my drawing that bad?” Joy laughs.

Seulgi laughs too, her tears glistening under the neon lights from the sign outside.

She pulls Joy by hem of her shirt and kisses her again.

Joy whimpers, “Another round?” A teasing lilt evident in her voice.

“Yes,” Seulgi's voice shakes when Joy ran her hands on her legs, “but if you don't want to... I mean, it's okay if you don't want to, we can sleep and cuddle—“

“You're rambling,” Joy giggles, “but yes,” she whispers on Seulgi's ears, “I want to.”

How Joy changes her voice from cute and bubbly to sexy and sultry, Seulgi will never know.

“You're beautiful,” Seulgi murmurs when Joy's face glistens under the light.

Joy stopped and stares at her for a while.

For a moment Seulgi was scared that she might have said something wrong... but as she was fumbling for an apology that wasn't needed, Joy's face softened. A cozy smile grace her lips and it was enough.

Enough for Seulgi to smile at her too, not knowing that it'll be the last.

Seulgi shook her head as she shimmied into her pants, her eyes scanning the small mark on her collarbone. The only evidence that everything that happened last night isn't a dream.

She carefully closed her sketchpad, tucking it into her bag. Her favorite shirt neatly folded on the side of Joy's bed.

No note, no goodbyes.

Just like that.

Seulgi sighs, grabs her bag and takes one look on the dusty room to check if she left anything (other than memories) before closing the door.

She guessed she'll just have to go through the trip alone. Stick to the original plan. But when she hopped into her car and saw the two pairs of bracelets that Joy bought on the beach, she immediately stepped on the gas, u-turned and relish the thought of going back home.

She'd have no peace of mind anyways, especially when everything she sees reminds her of bright smiles and brown eyes.

“We said one week, Seul,” Wendy sighs, “you're not even half-way there.”

“You looked even more stressed than when you left,” Irene comments and Seulgi slumps on the couch, her head spinning with lack of sleep.

“What happened?” Wendy asks worriedly.

“You know, things...”

Yerim munches loudly on her cereal, “Don't tell me you had a one-night stand.”

Seulgi's eyes shot open, her face heating up automatically at the statement. She tries to look away at Wendy's scrutinizing gaze but to no avail.

“Oh my God, you did!” Yeri screamed loudly that it almost knocked Irene out of the highstool chair.

“Seulgi...” Irene gaped at her

“It's... it's not whatever you're thinking, okay?” She fumbles out.

“Seul...” Wendy joins her girlfriend in saying her name.

“I didn't mean to,” Seulgi murmurs, “it just happened.”

Yerim snickers, milk splattered all over her upper lip, “Of course it did because if it didn't, you wouldn't be here looking like the world's most problematic person.”

“Are you okay?” Wendy asks worriedly.

“How was the sex? Was it good?”

“Kim Yerim!” Irene stares sharply at the youngest girl. The latter just chortles evilly on her breakfast.

Seulgi groans, “I don't want to talk about it.”

Seulgi had this whole scenario played out in her head. Joy and her will wake up, maybe cuddle a little more, walk hand in hand to a nearby cafe, drink coffee and share a slice of cake, laugh at each other's jokes and maybe... maybe hang out more.

Not just during the road trip.

Maybe after too.

She'd like to know more about her job. To meet her dog, visit her on the animal shelter she's working at. Go on movies after.

She knows she's being irrational and clingy. They'd just been together for what—a day?

Seulgi blew out air on her bangs.

She doesn't even know her number.

"...Joy!"

Seulgi whipped her head so fast she swore she heard her neck cracking. It's been days since she went home and everyone is busy for the upcoming exhibit.

Irene assures her not to worry though, so there she is, sitting on her studio apartment, legs-crossed and hands gripping the brush. Her skin paint- splattered, hair tied up into a bun, her overalls now sprayed with various color.

This is Kang Seulgi in her natural habitat.

Usually no one can bother her when she's focused on doing her thing, but the mere mention of her name caused Seulgi's hand to slip, hence ruining a perfectly good landscape.

“Who wants to order chicken?” Yeri says loudly.

Seulgi huffs, turns out, Yeri was just referring to the newly opened fast-food chain beside her apartment and was singing the store's jingle.

“Chickenjoy!”

She might have told her friends Joy’s name and now Yeri made sure to make it her life’s mission to mention the name out of nowhere even without context just to antagonize her. Irene just looks at her curiously whenever she flinches at the forbidden name.

“Joy tastes delicious when it’s a chicken,” Yeri teases, her tone bouncing on the corners of Seulgi’s apartment.

Sometimes, she questions their friendship.

Seulgi stood up, chucked her paintbrush on the can and storms off... even the thought of food couldn't distract her from flashes of Joy's skin.

This is really bad.

“You need to pull yourself together,” Irene warned her the night before the exhibit, “big day tomorrow, Seulgi.”

“I'm fine,” she grins sheepishly at her unnie, the latter just frowns and looks at her girlfriend for help.

“She's right... you should be sleeping by now,” Wendy pats Seulgi's back. They are currently roaming the venue, checking if every art works has been displayed, looking for any fault at its placing.

Seulgi's been staring at the centerpiece. She knows she shouldn't display it, she should've buried it inside her closet, labeled it as a distant memory... but she can't.

The sketch holds so much of her heart she couldn't bear not showing it to the world.

So when Wendy asks her if she's sure that she's going to make it the main piece, she didn't hesitate on saying yes. They moved the large sunset landscape away and changed it with a small and sloppy portrait of herself.

Joy, the description says.

“Seulgi...” Wendy urges.

Seulgi looks back and smiles, “I'm fine, you guys go,” she waved her hand to shoo the couple away, “rest a little.”

“Just make sure you don't stay up late, okay?” Irene pulls Seulgi into a hug, the warmth made her heart melt, “we are so proud of you, Kang Seulgi.”

“No,” Seulgi objects, “I'm so proud of us—even of Yerim, who's probably snoring by now.”

Wendy chuckles, “We just helped, Seul, but other than that, it's all you.”

Seulgi smiles and mouthed a small thank you at the two before they left. Sighing, she sat on the couch and stared at the portrait some more.

Quietly hoping that the artist who drew it would magically appear in her dreams.

Seulgi eyes herself in the mirror. She had second thoughts about wearing the three-piece suit, worried that it would make her look too dressed up for the event but when Yerim squealed as she walked out of the apartment, she knew she made the right choice.

The venue was already jampacked with people Seulgi isn’t familiar with, but with their regal suits and prominent stance, she knew these aren’t just people. Wendy already warned her about dominant business figures attending the event, she just didn’t have enough time to wrapped up the idea.

Most of them flocking earnestly at her centerpiece.

 “No, Sir,” Seulgi smiled politely, “this one... this one isn't for sale.”

The guy's hand ran up to his tie, casually flicking off invisible dust, “Why not? I like this one... it’s so raw. So… so honest,” he looks at Seulgi to scan her face from head to toe (she tries hard to hide her cringe) as his face contorts into something Seulgi could only describe as adoration.

Everyone looks genuinely happy and satisfied seeing her artworks but nothing came up to intrigued the guests other than her very own self-portrait.

People come up to her to compliment the "humbleness". They had been completely enamored by how the portrait sticks like a sore thumb in the middle of her artworks. Someone even asked her how it was drawn and she was tempted to say that it was done before and after the heat of the moment.

Each guest has their own interpretation and Seulgi doesn't have the heart to tell them that it was just a random drawing...  that's specifically made just for her.

Maybe she made a mistake displaying it.

She had been telling large scale business tycoons (she doesn’t know how Wendy managed to invite them into her event, she’d ask her later) that she was not the one who drew it, but words can't reach them when they are already occupied bidding for the largest price.

Seulgi was glad that Irene did her best to appease the guest's hunger for the piece, because there is no way she's going to sell it even if she's to be offered millions.

“Are you sure you're not going to sell that?”

The hairs on Seulgi's nape stood up.

That honey voice.

Seulgi glance on her side, “You…”

Joy chuckles, “The one and only,” she bowed a little, hands trained to spread her invisible skirt, “so are you going to sell it or not?”

Seulgi looks away.

Joy has bangs now, the fringe makes her look edgier and mature... but beautiful still.

“No,” Seulgi quips.

“Why not? The artist must've been really motivated—“

“Joy...” Seulgi says, finally summoning the courage to look in the younger girl's eyes.

 "Why did you leave?"

Chapter Text

Park Sooyoung.

The syllables held some negative connotation--thanks for all the trouble she got caught up with during highschool-- that the owner decided for a much gleeful nickname, Joy.

Contrary to the popular belief, Joy is not a bad person.

She's just what people in this generation would call free-spirited. She does what she wants and most likely to get it without any hesitations.

Impromptu and spur of the moment decisions is her thing.

All of which, when combined, does not sit well with her folks.

They think Joy's too... reckless. That her impulsiveness, no matter how harmless, would later put her in jail or render her jobless.

Well, she managed to snag a job at the animal shelter.

She's just got to be careful about the jail part because at the moment she's so close to strangling the small woman in front of her.

“You're scaring the dogs!” She yelled at the woman with long jet-black hair. The blonde one, who introduced herself as Wendy, stares at her with mouth wide open.

“Don't shout at her,” Wendy hisses.

“Whoa, easy there,” Joy raised her hand, “what is it that you want again?”

The couple arrived at the shelter early in the morning. Joy has been walking the dogs when the two approached her—well, Wendy did, because the other woman was scared of puppies—asking if she has time to talk.

“Okay,” Wendy breathes in, “my friend is holding an exhibit.” She pushes an invitation towards Joy.

“And this concerns me because?” Joy raises her brow. A tiny pupper wiggling on her arms. She gently coos the maltese with utmost affection.

Wendy watches her silently, but she spoke up, eyes never leaving the puppy, “Because we want you to go.”

“Uh, why?” Joy stares at the invitation.

“Let me get this straight—“

Joy laughs, “That's funny because between the three of us, no one is.”

Wendy's face turns red, she coughs as she glance at Irene for help. The dark-haired woman walks up to them, “For God's sake, will you please listen to us first?”

Joy flinches at the sharp words; Wendy seemed to sense the tension so she grabs her girlfriend's hand, “Love... calm down.”

Irene inhales but then she grimaces, "Okay... let's get this over and done with. You're Park Sooyoung and our friend, whom you might have known during her fun little trip, bright eyes, dumb smile, maybe a little taller than me, ring any bells?"

No way.

"Kang Seulgi." Joy mutters, eyes lost.

Wendy nods, "Yep," popping her word, "that would be the one. She's hosting an exhibit and... well, it would mean a lot to her if you'll go."

Joy felt a shot of something cold run through her spine. It was as if she was transported back to that night. Sweaty skin and muffled sighs, beer bottles and discarded clothes.

What bothers her the most was the fact that when she woke up early that morning--snuggled up between Seulgi's arms—she felt too... comfortable.

Like she could get used to it.

And it scared the living daylight out of Joy.

Because Park Sooyoung isn't a stable person. She's got everything unplanned, come what may, never tied to anything nor to anyone and most certainly never will be.

Funny how she ate those words for breakfast when she snuck out of Seulgi's embrace and back to the car she left at the gasoline station.

“So?” Irene raises her eyebrows at Joy.

The puppy let out a long howl at Joy's arms, startled; Joy snapped back from her thoughts, “I'm not going.”

Irene claps, “It's settled then--what? Why?!”

“Just because.”

Because I'm scared, go on, say it Joy.

Wendy took Irene's hand in hers, squeezing it tight, “Okay. But we're leaving this here,” she shoves the invitation back to Joy, “in case you changed your mind.”

Joy coughs, “Sure...”  She turns to Irene, “but do you guys have time? I kind of need someone to play with the dogs outside.”

Irene groans in frustration, Wendy nods and gave her girlfriend a knowing look.

“Fine... but only for an hour, okay?” Irene deadpans.

Joy snickers, “Wonderful. The toys are at the back.”

Joy lives in an empty house she could barely call home. The lack of furniture makes the space look hollow. Like a void that needs to be filled.

Pretty much the perfect embodiment of herself.

Her family's far away, and she's grateful for it because she couldn't live her life with them breathing on her neck.

She misses them though... on rare occasions.

Like today.

Days when she feels so alone. When silence begins to feel bothersome rather than comforting.

She rolls on her bed.

"Seulgi... you're really testing my patience," Joy groans on her pillow.

Sighing, she grabs her phone from her bed side table.

If she's going to be miserable on a Friday night then she should at least be miserable somewhere fun.

"Hello? Sungjae..."

“Eleven o'clock!” Sungjae shouts at her ear, the whole place vibrating with sharp beats and blinding lights. Joy downed the shot in her hand before looking at the said direction.

Joy frowns.

Sungjae just chuckles, “Not your type, eh?”

Well, the said woman looks attractive. The denim jacket and strawberry blonde hair screams danger, something Joy never backs down on.

She's just not in the mood... and her preferences in woman might have changed a little bit during a certain trip.

If only she had known that this would be the aftermath of that one night stand, she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

But her decisions has always been lowest on the moral totem pole (first time she ever admit such flaw) and regretting things now would be a bit pointless when it's already done.

Sungjae pulled her to the bar where he motioned for another drink. He winks at the bartender before throwing Joy a curious glance, “What's up? You said you wanted to have fun...”

Joy frowns, “Yeah, but no sleeping around...” She grabbed Sungjae's shot before downing it in one gulp, “just alcohol.”

“Who are you and what have you done to Park Sooyoung?” Sungjae snorts.

Joy gave him the finger before shaking her head.

“On a serious note, are you okay though?”

Joy isn't the mushy, friendly-type. Not really the one to make connections and has always been a tough shell to crack.

Sungjae is the exact opposite.

But they hit it off right away.

And as crazy as it may sound, Sungjae was Joy's first boyfriend and vice versa.

That was before she came out to him and the whole iconic, "oh my god, me too" moment was born.

Joy smiles, "Nope."

“Do you want to tell me or should I just sit here with you while you think about it?”

This is what Joy likes about Sungjae. He gives her options, and he never pries. No unsolicited advices unless she asks for it, but relatively good at it when she does.

Those and the fact that he's always there. Literally one call away.

If she's asked to choose between thousands of friends and Sungjae, she'd choose the latter over and over again.

“Do you want to listen?” Joy asks in a meek voice. Like the thought of lifting such heavy burden had reduce her confidence to a pulp.

“For the love of God, Park Sooyoung...” Sungjae clicks his tongue, "Of course I'd want to listen."

Joy rolls her eyes even though her lips curved into a small smile, “I'd kiss you right now but we both know we'll hate it so... want to go somewhere quiet instead?”

Sungjae chuckles, “But first...”

Joy saw how Sungjae slipped on a tissue with his number on it at the bartender. She bumped her shoulder on his, “Smooth, asshat.”

Sungjae shot her finger guns and they both laugh, staggering to get outside of a place that reeks of sex, cigarettes and thick alcohol.

The streets are empty, just lights and the natural moonlight. Neon signs all over 24/7 stores reminded her of tattered shirt, and a girl in a duvet. Smiling brightly under the green hue, hair falling down on her flushed chest.

“You're beautiful,” she kisses Joy's collarbone.

“You're beautiful,” she plants a soft peck on Joy's cheek.

“You're beautiful,” she chants endlessly as her hand wanders all over Joy’s body.

Seulgi said it like a prayer, all hushed tones and unadulterated admiration. It wasn't dirty talk, nor a ploy to get things all spiced up.

It was like she's seeing Joy all throughout... beyond all the façades she's has been wearing.

And it made Joy teared up.

“You're beautiful,” Seulgi whispers one last time at her ear—her voice hoarse— before pulling her close.

You're beautiful.

The genuine compliment had a certain sexiness to it that Joy couldn't simply shrug off.

It kept her awake every night.

Jesus Christ, I'm losing it.

“You're totally spacing out right now,” Sungjae pointed out.

“Sorry,” Joy quips.

“So...this girl,”  Sungjae took a spoonful of ice cream from the tub, “was she so good at it that it blew your mind or was she so bad at it that she ruined sex for you?”

“You don't really have a filter, do you?” Joy groans.

“We're at a convenience store at 2 AM, eating melted ice cream and the only person here besides us, is a sleepy cashier, no one cares if I breakdance here.” Sungjae raises his brow, “So?” Urging her to answer his question that now hangs above their heads.

“I'm just... scared,” Joy admitted, her hands fidgeting on the aluminum lid of the unopened banana milk.

“Never thought I'd see the day,” Sungjae smiled softly, “why?”

Joy shrugs, “I... I don't know,” she looks down on her hand and then outside the foggy glass, “she's just too safe... too comfortable. I know it's a one night stand and all that crap and I'm probably being dramatic right now—“Joy rambles on.

“No,” Sungjae grins, “you are not. It's normal to feel things you know that, right?”

Joy sighs.

“Hey, connection isn't about how long you've known each other or how much you've gone through,” Sungjae flicks Joy's head, the latter knitted her brows affectionately, “it's that click.”

“Click?”

Sungjae flicks Joy's forehead again, it left a red splotch between her brows, “Like that. Click. You could be tragically opposite, but if you really see each other, in that classic I-see-the-real-you-kind-of-romcom-way, then click.”

“I don't get it,” Joy massages the her temple.

“You're stupid,” Sungjae rolls his eyes, “a coward too.”

“That's a low blow.”

“You deserve it."

Joy smacked her head on the table repeatedly, “I don't know what to do.” Each words emphasized with a bang.

She wouldn't be surprised if she's left with a concussion after this.

“Would you like to hear my advice?”

Joy stopped what she's doing, in a muffled voice she said, “I'm listening.”

“You're scared because she feels too homey, and by definition of your home, you've never really had the best luck with it.”

She flinched.

Joy knows Sungjae's referring to her family... and she knows he's also right.

“Go on,” Joy urges.

Sungjae coughs, “You don't want to risk going all through the trouble of getting attached to people who would most-likely kick you out... eventually.”

“That whole pyschology thing in college really paid well, huh?” Joy chuckles, her eyes burning with unshed tears.

“I never focused on the lessons, the professor's hot though,” Sungjae laughs heartily, hands caressing Joy's hair.

Joy finally looks up, she wipes her tears before resting her chin on her knuckles, “One last advice, doc?”

“Alright,” Sungjae scoffs, “Being afraid also meant losing a chance at happiness, so stop doing that. Open yourself up, let people in.”

Joy smiles and hugs Sungjae, “I'm glad I let you in.”

“I'm glad too,” Sungjae pats Joy's back, “who would've known that you could be extremely soft?”

“Only you...” Joy laughs, “and fuck you.”

“You already did,” Sungjae pulls away, “back in college.”

“We're both pretty bad at it.”

Sungjae shrugs, “Speak for yourself, ex-girlfriend. I like to think I did pretty well.”

Joy slaps Sungjae's shoulder, “This is weird.”

“But you know what's weirder?”

“What?”

“That you're still contemplating whether to go or not... what's her name again? Kang—“

Joy's eyes trails outside the store, two person walks by. Eyes widening she ducks her head.

“Jesus Christ... hide me!” Joy hisses at Sungjae.

“What? Why?”

“She's here!”

“Who?”

Joy hugs Sungjae again when the door swung open, then came a slightly taller girl in pyjamas. Her hair a little disheveled, eyes barely opened. She's escorted by what seems to be a younger girl in a turtle onesie.

She observes them by the convex mirror on the corner of the store.

“Care to tell me what's going on?” Sungjae whispers.

“Kang Seulgi... that's her, the one in yellow pyjamas.”

Of all the stores and places in the city, she happens to be at one where Seulgi would sleepily walked in.

“Holy shit... what are the odds? Go talk to her,” Sungjae persuades, pulling Joy's locked hands on his neck.

“No!”

“Why not?” Sungjae whispered harshly.

“Just hide me...”

“You're literally a giant, how on earth am I going to hide you?”

Joy huffs, “I don't know! Hide me inside your big hair or something!”

Instead of doing what he's told, Sungjae coughs, “Excuse me, miss?”

Seulgi turns around, eyes blinking rapidly, “Huh?” She points to herself.

“Yes, uhm... my girlfriend thinks you have a really cute pyjamas.”

Seulgi smiled cheekily, “Thank you... is she okay though?”

“Sungjae... I'm gonna kill you later,” Joy whispered angrily.

“Uh, yes. Just a little drunk.” Then through gritted teeth he said, “shut up coward.”

“Unnie, I got it!” The younger one waved the paper bag at Seulgi, “do you think Irene unnie will notice we went out?”

Seulgi shook her head like a kid, “I don't know. We just got to be quiet.”

Joy watches the whole exchange. She saw how Seulgi pats the younger girl's head, shuffling her hair. She feels her stomach flutter at the sight.

Instinctively, she kicked Sungjae's feet when the two left.

“That hurts!"

“I meant it that way.”

Joy scoops the melted ice cream before taking a careful glance outside.

 “She's cute.”

Joy's face heat up, “She really is... and I really like her.”

“Then go to the exhibit.”

“I don't think she'd like to see me.”

Sungjae chortles, “Well, there's only one way to find out, right?”

Joy took one last glance on the bathroom mirror. She has been washing her hand for the last five minutes, kneecaps trembling in anxiety.

Breathing in, she stepped out of the bathroom, and was again greeted by a swarm of people clad in their armani suits and designer clothes. Their presence alone was enough to put Joy in absolute panic.

This is not her usual scene.

She works in an animal shelter for God's sake.

When a waiter comes by, she immediately grabbed a glass of champagne and drank it in one gulp. She smiled at him before getting another glass and rolling her eyes at his spiteful gaze.

She shouldn't have listened to Sungjae.

She should have stayed at home.

Well it's not yet late to go back—

“Sooyoung!”

“Hey,” Wendy approaches her, “I'm glad you made it.”

Too late now, Joy.

Irene walks up to them, “You have no idea how relieved I am that you're here.”

Joy's brow raised, “Getting chummy with me, unnie?” She chuckles.

Irene rolls her eyes, “Seulgi's not occupied right now.”

“And?”

Wendy grins, “Go talk to her.”

Joy's eyes scan the crowd for the familiar face.

There she is.

In her own world, staring at probably the world's worst self-portrait. Her suit matches the way her hair cascades down her shoulder.

Joy doesn't know if it's the way she carry herself or maybe it's her clothes, or the subtlety of how everything works together that made her look absolutely dashing.

Pulling up some courage, she willed herself to take a step.

One.

Two.

Three.

Kang Seulgi looks even more expensive up-close.

“Are you sure you're not going to sell that?”

Joy's glad she managed to get the words out without sounding utterly stupid. Like a highschool girl with a crush.

“Joy?” Seulgi turns to look at her, eyes now wide in surprise. She looks smart in that suit, yet her cheeks reminded Joy of soft, fluffy, mochi cakes.

“The one and only,” Joy bows down a little, “so... are you gonna sell it or not?”

“No.”

Joy chuckles to ease the tension. It's medically incorrect but she swore she felt her heart jumped out of her chest when Seulgi said those words.

"Joy… why did you leave?"

Chapter Text

Joy isn’t a saint.

She has done a lot of things in the past that Seulgi’s friends (and even Seulgi herself) would heavily frown upon. Wild escapades and night clubs, mornings in which she doesn’t recognize the room she’s in or even the person she’s snuggled with.

Sungjae says that Joy’s adventures were weak attempts to fill an empty void inflicted by her own family, some sort of band aid to hide the wounds. Joy would scoff at Sungjae’s words, saying he should stop analyzing her life, but deep down, she knows he’s right.

She just won’t admit it.

Keeping up a façade that she knows people won’t be able to see through.

But Seulgi looks at her like she does, like she knows what’s going on inside Joy’s head, and it made Joy terrified that Seulgi could actually see how unstable she is and back away. Is it weird that she wants Seulgi (a stranger whom she spent one night with) to stay?

Seulgi stares at her with wide eyes accompanied by a scowl that doesn’t fit the elegance of her suit, “Why did you leave?”

Because I was afraid of being left behind, so I left instead, she wanted to say but her mouth felt dry and no words came out.

 “Is it because I was bad?”

“Huh?”

Seulgi leans in and Joy could smell how intoxicating her perfume is, “Was I bad… was I bad at it?”

Joy chokes on air.

Of all the follow-up questions she could've asked Joy, Seulgi settled with that?

She expected a well-strung phrase of sarcasm, a series of insults and profanity (not that Seulgi could ever curse with that pretty mouth of hers, but still, Joy's hoping for the worst) and something in between the lines of fuck off or go away.

“Sooyoung...”

Joy snapped out of her thoughts, “No...” She coughs to hide the embarrassment on her voice, if anything, that night was the best night of her life. She wouldn't trade it for the world, “You were wonderful. Great, I'd give you a ten out of ten—“

Seulgi must have translated it to sarcasm, she frowns, “Don't play with me.”

Her eyebrow rose, “If I'm playing with you, you'd be screaming my name right now.”

Seulgi's pout deepens, she turns her back away from Joy and was about to leave when she latter calls her out.

“Unnie,” Joy inhales, “I'm sorry.”

“Huh?”

“I'm sorry...” She chuckles in attempt to calm her nerves, “I was just scared. I know that sounds like an excuse but—”

“I thought you were living your life on the edge?”

Joy grins even though the corner of her lips tremble, “Yeah, but I've never fallen off the edge before.”

Seulgi looks away and Joy could hear the loud pounding in her ears, the confession rendered her vulnerable, and the silence was… frightening. It wasn’t like her to be ashamed, she’s always on top of her game, she says what she wants without any hesitations and she doesn’t care about the consequences.

But Seulgi’s lack of response made her flinch, the smile on her face splits into grimace.

“Seulgi!”

They both jumped out in surprise, Seulgi looks at the direction of the woman and then at Joy, and then back at the woman again, she smiles hesitantly, “Sunmi Unnie!”

The woman grins broadly, her red lipstick marked Seulgi’s cheeks when she went in for a smooch. Seulgi’s face reddens and something inside Joy boils, insecurity crawling on her skin.

“I thought you can’t make it?”

“Oh please,” Sunmi bumps Seulgi’s shoulder, “you know I’d make time for you.”

Seulgi giggles, “Oh, Unnie,” she motions Joy, “this is Joy, my uh—“

Joy shook her head while offering her hand, “A fan,” she smiles bitterly before grinning.

“I’m Sunmi,” Sunmi chuckles, accepting Joy’s hands, “Seulgi’s special unnie.”

Right, of course.

“Nice to meet you,” Joy clears her throat, looking directly at Seulgi, “but I, uh, I’ll go look around or something.” She turns her heels, walking towards the opposite direction, trying to shake the embarrassment off of her when she heard Seulgi’s voice.

“Sooyoung.”

“Oh?”

Seulgi tilts her head to the side; the display was so adorable Joy could feel her stomach flipping over. Joy hates how easy it is for Seulgi to make her feel things she hasn’t felt before. One smile from the older girl, and she’s already pushed off the edge of the cliff, free falling into an open space.

Joy’s perfectly aware that the landing would completely crush her—unless Seulgi would jump too. She groans at how messy and embarrassingly sappy her thoughts are.

Seulgi coughs, pulling Joy back again into her realm.

“Don’t leave, okay?” The older girl did the thing, grinning with her eyes, the small dimple on the corner of her mouth showing through, “not again.”

Joy’s pout tugs, spiraling into a small, lazy grin, “I won’t, I promise.”

Joy spent the last few days with thoughts peppered with cheeky eye smile and soft laughs, nights filled with tossing and turning that she probably carried the biggest eye bags now.

She'd given Kang Seulgi the permission to live inside her head rent free.

Shaking her free hand, she looks around, getting a glimpse of Wendy and Irene who’s currently bidding their goodbyes to a fairly average man. When the man left, Irene’s hand went to Wendy’s backside, giving her girlfriend’s butt a soft pat which made Wendy jumped in surprise.

Joy chuckles to herself. Irene isn’t as stern and strict as she made her out to be.

"So, I'm guessing you're Joy," a small girl quips beside her.

"...yeah?"

"I'm Yeri," she showed her cheshire grin, showcasing her perfect set of white teeth, "I'm Seulgi unnie's friend."

Ah, the girl in turtle onesie.

“So, what’s the deal between you and Seulgi Unnie?”

Joy shook her head. If you count sleeping together and running off then coming to her exhibit to apologize as something, then yes, maybe there really is a deal between her and Seulgi.

Joy shrugs, “We’re just—“

She clamps her mouth shut when she saw Seulgi walking towards them, Sunmi clinging tightly into her arm. Joy fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“How about celebratory dinner?” Irene excitedly announces, practically beaming beside Wendy.

“Someone’s in a chipper mood today,” Yeri commented but she backs down when Irene gave her a side glare.

“Sunmi unnie and Joy, you’re welcome too,” Wendy grins at them. Joy opens her mouth to protest. Wendy noticed her reluctance so she bumped her shoulder on Joy’s arm, “Irene’s scary when she doesn’t get what she wants so you better say yes,” she whispers.

“It’s my treat,” Seulgi shyly shrugs, her face tinted with pink and Joy gushes at the endearing gesture.

 “As much as I wanted to join you guys, I have a schedule… so raincheck?” Sunmi giggles before pulling Seulgi into a hug and whispering something on the latter’s ears, which, unsurprisingly—Joy notices Seulgi blushes a lot around the woman—turned red.

Joy looks away, crossing her arms on her chest.

“I’ll walk you to your car, unnie,” Seulgi raises her hands, following Sunmi outside.

Yeri leans closer towards Joy to whisper something, her mouth barely moving. Joy’s convinced she must have been practicing ventriloquy for situations like this, “Ooh, what could they be doing outside?” Yeri hoots innocently, smiling whenever Irene’s gaze lands on her.

Wendy clasped her hands after a heated whispering her girlfriend, “So, it’s settled then? Joy?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No,” it was Seulgi who answered her, “no, you don’t.”

It was surprisingly messy. Not the kind of messy that you’d abhor, but the affectionate kind of disaster. The familial type, laughter too loud, inappropriate jokes and poor table manners, someone choking from shoving too much food in their mouth—it’s startling to see how different the four are, but despite of it all, they complement each other just fine.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” Seulgi jumps on the sofa to sit with her, they both watch as Irene and Wendy try to push Yeri out of the kitchen. The latter was insistent on helping them clean, while the two begrudgingly rejects her offer.

“I do enjoy myself sometimes,” Joy teases, shaking her head.

Seulgi looks away, puts her mug on the coaster and coughs, “I meant now…”

“I am,” she laughs, “and thank you for inviting me.”

“No,” Seulgi shook her head, “thank you for coming.”

“I was threatened to come,” she teases. Seulgis’s mouth formed an ‘o’ and Joy immediately felt bad about it, “but I want to see you too, you know.” She added while pretending to swipe something on her phone. She doesn’t know what it is with Seulgi that when she has her full attention, the gears on her brain stops working.

“I thought I’d never see you again.” Seulgi whispers, leaning on the couch even more. Her hand slightly brushed off Joy’s arm when she moved, sending thousands of shiver on the younger girl’s spine.

“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Can you,” Seulgi coughs, her face reddening in the dim lights of her living room, “uhm, will you stay tonight?”

Joy prides herself for her ability to keep a total straight face in situations like this. Her poker face allows her to hide what she truly feels and right now? She’s screaming like the vocalist of a really famous rock band, all hoarse voice and damaged vocal chords.

The first thing that comes to her mind was to say no, reject Seulgi’s offer. One night was enough and she’s already in deep as it is, saying yes would be the final nail on her coffin.

But when Irene and Wendy left, dragging Yeri with them, Joy finds herself removing her coat and reaching out for the beer Seulgi placed on the table.

So much for living life on the edge.

Chapter Text

This is scary.

The invitation was such a risqué move for both parties.

Seulgi had not thought about it that much, casually dropping it on the table. It was meant to be wholesome (or at least it was when it wasn’t yet verbally expressed), but as soon as the words slipped through her mouth, her head was abruptly filled with images and sounds that would earn her some serious lecturing from her Irene Unnie if the latter knew.

Seulgi shook her hand discreetly, waving off her thoughts before it could materialized on her face. Too late though, Joy already noticed the faint blush on her cheeks.

She took a swig of her beer, and from her peripheral vision she could see that Joy did too. The scene looks awfully familiar. If you switch the lighting into dim, maybe a little change in costumes, add dialogues that contain tattoos and you only live once sentiments, then Seulgi’s pretty sure she could already tell what will happen next.

But she’s open for any minor alterations; in fact she already listed the possibilities on her head.

There are only two ways in which this could go:

First, if both are still sober (they were sober last time but that didn’t stop them from doing the deed), they could look back and assess their current situation. Settle their predicaments to find a common ground, talk about the weather, exchange opinions about the government, maybe  plan world domination, or they could just simply exchange numbers, be friends.

Friends, the word tastes like bile on Seulgi’s mouth.

Second, bed. Discarded clothes and warm, sweaty skin—

Kang Seulgi stop. What is your problem?

Apparently a lot.

The fact that Joy—the woman Seulgi’s been thinking about  for the last few weeks, and she’s all she could ever think about, mind you—is now sitting inches away already constitutes as hundreds of  problems. Especially now that no one’s talking and the silence makes the air thicker than it’s supposed to be.

To say that the first few minutes of them just staring into Seulgi’s plasma television (which is off, by the way) and sipping beers was awkward is an understatement. It’s horrifying.

It wasn’t before Seulgi coughs that Joy finally paid her attention, settling her beer on the table.

“Sooyoung,” Seulgi says, puffing her chest with whatever confidence she got from the liquor, “I, uhm, you can leave you know?”

Joy’s mouth quirks upwards, looking offended, “Just half an hour ago you were asking me to stay and now you’re kicking me out?”

Seulgi mentally slapped her forehead.

“No!” Seulgi shook her head fervently like a child, “I mean if you want, you can leave. I can drive you home—”

“Unnie,” Joy pats Seulgi’s arm when she noticed that the she’s shaking, “I want another beer.”

There’s a glint in Joy’s eyes, warmth on her smile. It was a message Seulgi couldn’t put into words, but she understood what Joy was trying to convey and she relaxes. Muted assurance that whatever it is that’s bothering her, it’s okay.

Seulgi lets out a sigh that made her bangs flew.

Joy snickers at her side.

“Are you sure?” Seulgi asks, eyeing the empty bottle.

“Hundred percent,” Joy nods, smiling at her. Cheeks slightly flushed.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Seulgi asks, hand already searching for her remote control.

Joy chews on the left over tteokbokki, “Why? Sick of my voice already, unnie?”

“No, no,” Seulgi shook her head, “I just thought—”

Joy groans, her smile mocking, “I’m just playing, unnie. God, when Yeri told me you’re no jam, I didn’t believe her, but now that I’m seeing it… wow.”

“Hey!” Seulgi stood up, pouting. She walks towards the kitchen to get some chips, “I’m fun!”

 Joy shrugs, “In bed. That I know,” she chuckles evilly to herself when Seulgi tripped on thin air. Almost hitting her head on the table in the middle of the living room, the chips were okay though.

Seulgi glared at the younger girl, and Joy just laughed, “What? Inappropriate jokes too soon?”

“Sooyoung,” Seulgi began, jumping on one foot towards the couch (her knee hurts from the fall), “we really need to talk. I mean, seriously. We can’t just ignore that.”

Joy moved closer, her hands instinctively traveling towards Seulgi’s knee, “Let me just—” she looks at her for a moment. Joy looks pensive, any remnants of playful aura she had earlier was replaced with a seriousness Seulgi isn’t accustomed to to, “is this okay?”

Joy’s hand is caressing her knee, nothing sensual about it; in fact it feels too domestic. Seulgi nodded when Joy attempted to lift her calf so she could put Seulgi’s feet on the table, massaging the muscle.

It feels good.

Seulgi glanced at Joy, breathing in too loud, almost a gasp. It was supposed to be a two second stare, but it went a little longer than that. The moonlight illuminated Joy’s face and Seulgi was grateful she lets her windows open (even though it’s freezing) because now she gets to see Joy again the way she did that night.

She clears her throat, creating a futile distraction, already in awe of how Joy’s lips get caught on her upper teeth. How the younger girl’s eyes, beautiful browns (a little dilated) would stare with intensity that managed to bring tiny little sparks on Seulgi’s spine.

Joy is beautiful, and that was something Seulgi isn’t afraid to admit. If anything, she had been vocal about it.

“You’re beautiful,” Seulgi murmurs, unconsciously. But she was quick to snap out of Joy’s spell, putting her hand on top of the younger girl’s hand, “but you’re distracting me.”

Seulgi made a mandu gesture.

“What are you doing?” Joy chuckles beside her.

“I’m trying to focus, hush.”

“Am I that distracting?”

Seulgi shakes her head slowly, a playful giggle coming out of her lips, “Oh, you have no idea.”

“Unnie,” Joy clears her throat, Seulgi’s eyesight is bad and maybe that’s why she didn’t notice Joy’s blush, “okay, now let’s talk.”

“I’m older,” Seulgi sulks, “I should be the one saying that. Anyways, yes, uhm, about that… that night.”

Joy grabbed her beer and took a huge gulp as if she’s buying herself some time. It took seconds but it felt like an hour, maybe two, before she finally spoke.

“Unnie… we are two consenting adults. We had sex. It was fun. I left because that is how one night stands should be, at least on my experience… and I’m sorry if that offended you. I really am.” Joy scratches her pants, “but I’m not sorry it happened—the deed, I mean.”

“I’m not sorry either,” Seulgi shyly whispers, “the whole trip was fun, you know? I just thought… I just thought we’d go through it together.” Her voice was small, ashamed of her own assumptions that ended up nada.

“Unnie…” There was regret and pity on Joy’s voice and Seulgi doesn’t want to hear it. She knows she gets attached easily and she never takes anything lightly, but that doesn’t mean that she wants to be treated like she’s going to break anytime.

Seulgi upped her chin, “But we’re okay now, aren’t we?”

Joy laughs, “Are we?”

“Uhm, yes.”

“Friends?”

Seulgi hums in response, her face lightening instantly, “We could do that. I think?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Joy grins sheepishly, “so, uhm… about that movie?”

If there’s one thing people should know about Seulgi, it’s the fact that she’s into movies. A little unhealthier than required, and by that she meant she could sit in front of the television all day watching all sorts of films, ranging from independent ones to high grossing box offices, (completely forgetting she has other responsibilities other than binge watching).

The artist in her couldn’t just simply resist the gravitational pull to appreciate any form of art.

(Maybe that’s the reason why she couldn’t stop glancing at Joy every now and then.)

“What movie are we watching?” Joy asked when the familiar intro rolls into the screen.

“Before Sunrise,” Seulgi grins sheepishly, “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Genre?”

“Uhm,” Seulgi scratched her nape, eyes narrowing timidly, “it’s romance.”

She already expected the teasing smirk and the totally unwelcomed raising of brows from the younger girl but that doesn’t mean she didn’t feel a little bit shy at her admittance.

She likes everything sappy and cheesy, something Yeri likes to mock her with.

“Someone’s a romantic.”

Seulgi looks away, murmuring softly, “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

It was a trap, Seulgi should know from the way Joy smirks, probably an attempt to get a reaction from her. Maybe even a poorly strung phrase of flirtation will do to appease the younger girl’s playful jabs, but Seulgi kept her mum.

Because as embarrassing as this may sound, she doesn’t know how to channel the flirtation back.

She could ask Wendy for some tips, though she’s certain Irene would agree that the smaller girl is as equally bad as Seulgi based on her greasy and buttered up one liners.

So in her panic-induced brain, the only response she could formulate was to shove a choco pie into Joy’s mouth, the latter whining with a smile.

“Let’s just watch the movie,” Seulgi coughs, “shall we?”

Seulgi glanced at the digital clock, 1:37 AM. The ice cream cake isn’t appropriate especially in this weather but Joy didn’t mind, the younger girl scooping quietly on her side, eyes trained towards her television. Seulgi couldn’t help the smile that pops into her face whenever Joy blinks slowly, trying to pry off any drowsiness, or at least that’s what she assumes.

She had lent Joy her clothes. Pants that’s way too small for the younger girl’s legs and an orange hoodie that fits Joy just right.

Seulgi thought she looks cute.

She does.

Especially when Joy snuggled closer to her, she’s so tiny. So cuddly. Seulgi adjusted her hand discreetly so Joy could lean more, and the younger girl did.

Seulgi smiled triumphantly to herself.

“Why are you smiling like a creep?” Joy murmurs.

Seulgi chuckles, “I don’t know.”

“Really, unnie,” Joy complains, “it’s scary. Stop.”

“I can’t stop,” Seulgi’s grin turns even bigger she’s afraid her face will split in half. She took the hoodie and tucks it into Joy’s head, covering her eyes in the process, “don’t look if it’s creeping you out.”

“Then how am I going to watch the movie?”

Seulgi held Joy’s head with both of her hands, positioning it back to the television screen, completely ignoring the tingles on her palm, “There. Back to Julie Delpy. She’s pretty.”

Joy scoffs, “You’re prettier.”

Seulgi heard that.

But she decided not to say anything, afraid she might sound like the human embodiment of a key smash.

They spent the whole movie throwing banters, sometimes food (Seulgi reminded herself to take her mat into laundry because of the large tteokbokki stain), casual talks without innuendos (comes rarely but Seulgi takes the opportunity every time), Joy would make commentaries about how hot the characters were (especially Celine) while Seulgi would argue about how that is so not the point of the movie.

“It’s that feeling you know,” Seulgi looks at Joy, “that unexplainable feeling of meeting someone and connecting in some way.”

Joy stares at her with blinking eyes, curiosity written on her face, and Seulgi continued her monologue, “Don’t you think it’s wonderful how you could bump into someone somewhere and have that instant connection?”

Joy shrugs.

Too much, Kang Seulgi.

Seulgi decided not to push further, feeling a little crestfallen.

She just bared her heart, but all she got was silence.

Seulgi doesn’t know how, or when, but she fell asleep, and by the feeling of weight on top of her, Joy did too. The television provided light and background noises, but even that weren’t enough to drown the sound of Seulgi’s beating heart.

She closed her eyes, breathing in, but instead, she caught a whiff of Joy’s shampoo, the younger girl’s head leaning comfortably on her chest. It’s a mystery how they ended up tangled in each other’s arms (and in a compromising position at that) when they were just screaming their throats out at a randomly chosen Netflix series earlier.

Seulgi brought her hands on Joy’s waist, pulling her closer; afraid that a little movement would both send them rocketing off the couch. When settled, she allowed herself to look at Joy for a moment, memorizing her features, feeling her soft breathing contrast the horses on her chest.

“Sleep tight, Sooyoung.”

Seulgi woke up in a jolt, loud whistling of winds circulated her apartment and she didn’t have a choice but to tap Joy’s cheeks, the latter murmuring quietly.

“Sooyoung.”

“Hmm.”

“Let’s get you to bed,” she whispers on Joy’s hair. The younger girl shifted unconsciously, eyes still closed but she allowed Seulgi to maneuver her back to Seulgi’s bedroom. When her legs hit the bed, she immediately slump back, and it took Seulgi a moment to realize how the scene made her weak to the knees.

Everything feels too intimate.

Like it was normal, and she knows she shouldn’t get too ahead of herself, but is it wrong to wish that she could do this every day?

Movie marathons and loud laughter, soft cuddles and lame jokes?

She always envied Wendy and Irene’s relationship but she never dared voiced it out—once, she made the mistake, and they set her up for a blind date which did not really worked out well. The thought of having someone who’s constantly just there, waiting for you, whom you can take care of, and vice versa, is just… nice.

Beyond nice, actually.

She’s sure there’s a word for it, she just couldn’t figure it out.

She shook her head, coming back to her living room and turning off the television. She also closed her windows because as much as she likes having natural air circulation in her apartment, she couldn’t bear having her things wet.

Seulgi silently watches the rain, violent and greedy. She took her sketchpad, sat beside her window and began stirring lines. She always liked how her mind would clear up every time she visualizes her thoughts on paper, even if she’s only drawing weird lines to depict the zero visibility caused by the storm.

She was halfway through sketching a slightly leaning post when she heard quiet shuffling, and she saw Joy standing in the doorway of her room like a burrito, “Unnie…”

Seulgi smiled cheekily, “Oh?”

“Are you coming back to bed?”

She didn’t plan on coming back. It’s already late, and she’s drawing. No one interrupts Seulgi when she’s holding her pencil.

It’s a rule that even Yerim knows how to abide.

But Joy doesn’t know about that, and she doesn’t have to.

Seulgi closed her sketchpad, settling it in her drawer.

She smiled, “I was just about to.”

When they are both in bed, Joy snuggling closer to her, bodies entangled in warmth as the storm rages outside, soft rhythmic of heartbeats melted together, Seulgi was again reminded of how scary everything is.

But does she care? No.

All she cared about is the girl beside her, how she managed to capture her heart unknowingly, and how Seulgi willingly allowed her to take it away.