Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

                 I’m going to die today. With that thought, all remaining hope left Saeran Choi’s frail body. Tears sprang from his eyes, and he fell limp; the only force holding him up was the bigger boy’s fist around his shirt.

                “Look, guys, he’s crying! Airhead thinks crying will save him!” The two other boys laughed and jeered at him. Saeran could only shut his eyes tight and cry even more. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to escape them on his own. And Saeyoung, his twin and protector…was gone.

                 Not even an hour ago, his brother had insisted on untying him and taking him outside. He promised Mother would be passed out drunk long enough for them to get back. And he had shown Saeran the bright blue of the sky, the warm glow of the sun, the soft whisper of wind, and the sweet chill of ice cream. This world had been the most beautiful thing Saeran had ever seen, and he selfishly allowed himself to wish he could stay here forever.  Instead of calling him selfish or stupid, Saeyoung had smiled his big strong smile and pinky swore on the ice cream that someday he’d make that happen.

                Father’s men must have got him. That’s why he’s gone. That’s the only thing that could stop him from coming for me. He’s gone.  It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t asked Saeyoung so much what the outside was like, he’d never have brought me out here. And he would be with me now, safe with me.

                It had happened so suddenly. Saeyoung had suddenly yanked Saeran behind the building, their half-eaten ice creams forgotten on the walkway. And then they were running through alleys. Saeran could barely breathe. Soon, his weak legs gave out, and Saeyoung had lifted him onto his back and continued to run. No matter how far they got, the alleys rang with their pursuers’ heavy footsteps. And Saeyoung was panting so heavily; even he couldn’t keep this up forever.

                Finally, Saeyoung found a small hole in a building and forced Saeran through it before crashing through himself, pulling a bag of garbage behind him to block their hiding place from view. They were now in a big room, empty save for dust, trash, and them. There Saeran’s brother held him in his lap as the men rushed past outside. They sat there for what felt like forever. The men came back once. Then twice. They were still looking through those alleys, Saeyoung whispered. What he said next broke Saeran’s heart:

                “I’ll lead them away from here. You stay here.” Before tears could fall from his stricken eyes, Saeyoung had grabbed both his hands and intertwined their pinkies. “I swear I’m coming back for you, no matter what. So be brave and wait for me, okay?” And then he was gone.

                For a long time, Saeran heard nothing but his own stifled sobs. Then he heard a loud crash as an arm reached through the glass in the far side door. It twisted the handle, and the door was open, filled with a huge man, dirty and tattered, with a red face and eyes…like his mother’s. In his hand was a bottle. One Saeran knew too well.

                That was how he had ended up back in the alleys, running, crying, pleading in his mind for Saeyoung, until he’d run into three big boys. Crashed into them, actually. And this one had lifted him up and yelled at him to watch where he was going and called him a string of names.

                These boys must be with Father too. Mother always told me if I went outside, bad men would take me away. Even Saeyoung told me when he brought me outside not to talk to anyone but him. I didn’t think kids would be with Father. But that’s just because I’m stupid. An airhead. Like Mother says. Like this boy says. And now I’ll die….

               “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” This was a girl’s voice. She must be with them, these boys and Father’s men. But she was asking a question? If he answered, would she keep him alive? Could he ask her where Saeyoung was?

                He opened his eyes and wailed, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” The girl looked at him and her eyes widened. She looked like she would cry! It was only then that Saeran realized until that moment, she had been glaring not at him, but at the boy holding him.

                “Ugh. What are you doing here?” The boy glared at her, but he loosened his grip on Saeran’s shirt. Saeran forced his wobbly legs to hold his weight.

                The girl balled her hands into fists and returned his glare. “I’m walking home. What are you doing?”

                 “I’m helping a lost child get home. Mind your own business.” He took a step toward her, dragging Saeran with him.

                 She just crossed her arms. “Your girlfriend will be so happy to hear you’re helping out. But isn’t she expecting you? I thought bible study started already.”

                 “She’s not my-!”

                 “Oh, right. You just LOVE bible study. How about I help this guy get home, and I tell your girlfriend and all your church friends at school tomorrow how you were late because you helped us?” She grinned. “Unless you’d rather me tell them what really happened?”

                 The boy tightened his grip on Saeran and then released completely, dropping him to his knees. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” As the three boys slinked past the girl, the one who’d held him muttered: “You better keep your word.”

                 As soon as they were gone, the girl ran over and threw herself to the ground next to him. “Are you okay? Did those guys hurt you? How far is your home? Or should we go to the hospital?” So many questions, but he could find no words to answer her. And her hands were reaching for him. On instinct, he shut his eyes and ducked, but her hands were softly brushing his hair from his face and wiping his tears. He gasped. The only one who touched him this gently…was Saeyoung.

                 “I-I need to find my brother,” he choked out before bursting into tears. He said it, but he didn’t know the first thing to do. He didn’t know this place. There were Father’s men to worry about. And those boys, would they come back for him? Would they call Father? Would this girl call Father? Only Saeyoung could help him make sense of it all. And Saeyoung might be….

                 As he wailed on, he felt something warm wrap around him. The girl’s arms. She was holding him the way Saeyoung did. He stopped crying and looked up at her. She smiled, a warm, wide grin, like Saeyoung’s. “Then, let’s find him.” She stood up and gave his hands a gently pull. “Can you stand?”

                He forced himself up against the teetering of his legs. The girl caught his arm and helped him balance. “Are you sure you’re okay? Should we go to a hospital?”

                “No! I mean, I have to find my brother. And I can’t go to a hospital. I…have to hide!”

                “Hide? Who from? Guys like them?”

                 “Y-yeah.” He looked down. He was sure the men who chased him were different from those boys. After seeing her make them leave, he started to wonder if they were with Father at all. But he didn’t want to tell her that. He wasn’t even supposed to talk to her. Talking to outsiders could get him and Saeyoung killed.

                 She looked him up and down, like she was deciding what to do with him. He gulped. Talking to her had been a bad idea! Why did you do that? Stupid, moron, airhead! She took off her backpack and her coat and handed the coat to him. He blinked at it.

                 “If you need to hide, wear this. Keep the hood down.” With shaky hands, he did as he was told. He was putting on something soft, warm, and baby pink. It was long like a dress, and zipped in the front, completely hiding his own clothes. He pulled the hood down low over his face. She reached up to push his hair out of view. “There! Now no one will know it’s you! And if you stay with me, everyone will think you’re a girl and they won’t check!” She smiled again, a smile so strong he wanted to believe in it, just as he always did when Saeyoung smiled like that.

                 She put on her backpack and held her hand out to him. “Come on, let’s go find your brother!” He hesitated for a moment. Then he took her hand and walked out of the alley into the late afternoon sun, hoping this coat really would keep him hidden from Father’s men.

                 He studied the girl. She looked about his own age. She wore a clean white shirt with a big red bow under the collar, and a dark blue skirt. She wore black shoes with rumpled white socks. She carried a brown backpack with a sort of bunny toy hanging from it. She had long brown hair that flew behind her in the breeze, and long bangs that danced around her eyes. She caught him looking at her and turned to him with a smile. She squeezed his hand tighter. Hers was soft. Her hand, her eyes, her smile, everything about her made him feel…warm.

                “So, what does your brother look like?”

                 “Um, exactly like me.”

                 “You’re twins?”

                 “Yeah.” He wasn’t sure if he should tell her that. His father was looking for twins. But he needed her help to find Saeyoung.

                  “Well that makes it easy since I know exactly what he looks like now! Come on!” He knew he shouldn’t talk to, let alone follow, a stranger, but…she talked so strongly, like she knew everything would be okay, just like Saeyoung. He couldn’t help but hope that strong smile of hers would lead him to his brother’s equally strong smile.

                   He followed her to a place with grass, trees, and a lot of structures in strange colors and shapes. Other children were running and climbing on them. At the sight of other people, he gripped the girl’s hand tighter and asked where they were.

                   “Um, the park?” She looked at him like he should know what he was talking about. When he continued to stare at her in confusion, her face turned sad. Oh no! What did I do? “Well, this is a good place to check for lost kids. And I wanted to clean you up.” She pulled him into a bathroom, making sure no one else was inside before taking a handkerchief and a box of band-aids from her backpack.

                   “Mom makes me carry these in case I fall and get hurt. I’ll have to thank her later.” She wet her handkerchief and started dabbing at his face. When she pulled it away it was red. “Did that those guys do that to you?”

                   They hadn’t. That had been from Mother last night. The scab must have split during everything that happened. But once again, he didn’t want to tell her too much. “I…think so.”

                    “Those bullies. I can’t stand them. But the big guy likes my best friend, so he won’t do anything if he thinks she’ll be mad. This might hurt a little,” she warned as she pressed lightly on his forehead. Though the skin was sore, her touch couldn’t possibly hurt compared to what he’s had before. Without thinking, he smiled. She stopped what she was doing and stared, and he wondered what he had done wrong.

                    “S-sorry to stare! I’m just so happy you smiled! You…kinda looked like you’d forgotten how.” Then she smiled the biggest, softest smile he’d ever seen. He wanted to see that smile forever. No! Selfish thoughts like that got us into this mess! He allowed his smile to fall from his face. Sharing smiles with this outsider was dangerous.

                     Her smile faded but didn’t entirely disappear. “Unzip the coat. Your knees are bloody too.” He did what she said, and she cleaned and bandaged those too. Then she looked over the rest of his legs and arms, and finding no more blood, she brushed the dust from his shirt and shorts and zipped the coat back over him. “Much better! Wanna see?”

                     She pulled him to the mirror. He saw a weak pale child swallowed by a huge fluffy pink coat. He was so tiny; he really could pass for a girl. He felt like he could disappear next to her, who stood on sturdy legs and held him with strong arms and let her hair dance all around her.

                     Then his attention turned to the band-aid on his forehead. It was pink with blue ice creams, just like the ones he and Saeyoung had eaten earlier. When he touched it, he felt as if his brother’s warm arms were around him right now. His eyes stung, but instead of crying, he smiled.

                     “Do you like ice cream?” He nodded enthusiastically.

                     “Let’s get ice cream after we find your brother. All of us!”

                     “R-really?”

                     “Yup!” She held out her pinky finger, just like Saeyoung did. “It’s a promise!”

                      It wasn’t the promise of ice cream that made him follow her as they searched the streets for his twin. It wasn’t the fact that her coat was so warm, or that his wounds stung less with her band-aids on, or that she slowed down when his frail legs needed and never let his hand out of her soft grip. Okay, maybe it was a little of all of those. But mostly it was because he wanted, no, needed to believe that she could find his brother.

                      They returned to the area where she had found him, but instead of looking through the alleys he had been in, they stuck to the storefronts, which were beginning to crowd with adults shopping after work. She explained that if his brother were trying to hide like he was, it would be easier with all these people around. He was terrified, but she seemed right. He had to be strong if he wanted to find Saeyoung. He would be strong.

                      “What’s your name?” Saeran’s breath stopped. He couldn’t give her his name. He couldn’t give anyone his name. If he did, Father’s men would find him. That’s what he’d always been told.

                      “I…can’t tell you.”

                      Her eyes widened. “Why…not?”

                     “I…can’t tell you that either.” She looked like she wanted to cry. No! What am I doing wrong? I’m an idiot! He began to shake. To his surprise, she gripped his hand tighter.

                     “Okay. I don’t get it, but okay.” After a pause, she asked: “Then, can I give you a nickname?”

                     “A what?”

                     “A nickname. You know, something only your friends call you!” She turned to him and took both his hands in hers. “Please?

                     He didn’t understand, but she looked happy at the idea, and calling him by a fake name couldn’t hurt any. “O-okay.”

                     “Yay!” She continued down the street, still cradling his hand in hers. “Hmm…what to call you?” She looked him up and down, and he looked down uncomfortably. “I know! Ray!”

                     “My name…is Ray?”

                     “Yup! Because when you smile, it’s like a tiny ray of sunshine!” He gasped. No one had ever told him anything like that before. How could smiles be like sunshine? But then he looked at her, and her big strong grin, and felt warm…like the sun. If his smile was a little ray of sunshine, hers must be the whole sun. Her smile, and Saeyoung’s smile, strong smiles like theirs…made him warm. For the second time since meeting this girl, he smiled.

                      “Yes. Like that. It’s a ray of sunshine. Can I…can I call you Ray?”

                      He nodded. And before he could think to stop himself, he squeezed her hand. He didn’t want her to leave him. Even after he found Saeyoung. And she wouldn’t. she promised they would get ice cream together, the three of them. Himself, Saeyoung, and….

                     “Um, what’s your name?”

                     She grinned. “That’s a secret too! I go by my initials. M.C! Doesn’t it sound cool?” He nodded, though he really didn’t care how “cool” a name was. He was only glad to have something to call her by. It made her seem more real, like she wouldn’t leave. Maybe that’s why she had insisted on naming him, too.

                     “Hey, I’m hungry, are you hungry?” He was about to say no, but his stomach roared. He felt his face grow warm and looked down. She giggled and pulled him to an amazing-smelling tent on the corner of the street. “They make my favorite tteokbokki skewers here! Let’s get them! My treat!” Before he could say anything, she pulled him to the counter and ordered two of them. After she paid, they stood among a crowd of people waiting, smiling with the thought of warm yummy food. He scanned the crowd for his twin, hoping to find him so he could share his treat with him.

                     And then his blood ran cold. There was a police officer coming their way. He was stopping to talk to passers-by and showing them a picture. Saeran’s hand shook and squeezed M.C’s tighter. She followed his gaze and nodded. “Can you wait here and grab our skewers?” She patted his head, pulling the pink hood down far over his face. “Shhhh,” she cooed before he could cry. “Good boy. I’ll be right back. It’s a promise!”

                     And then she was off. Saeran watched as she bumped into the police officer and bowed in apology. He could hear some of their conversation.

                     “…looking for these twins…lost…their father is very worried.” He watched her gasp. Oh no! She’s going to tell them about me! I know it! He tensed and prepared to run. Stay in the crowd, it’s easier to hide. Even now, her words were in his ears.

                     “The park! They were there!” came her loud shout. “They asked me for money!” Wait. That wasn’t true. He wasn’t at the park. He was right here. Was she…protecting him?

                     “When?”

                     “Not too long ago, I was just there!” She pointed frantically in the opposite direction. “If you hurry, you’ll find them…and bring them home safe, right?” He couldn’t hear the officer’s response, but he saw him bow curtly and run off in the direction she’s pointed, speaking into a phone as he went.

                     As she bounded back to him, the man behind the counter grunted and held two sticks full of the most fantastic looking food out to him. He took them with shaky hands, too scared to speak. M.C.  appeared next to him, taking one of the food-sticks and thanking the man behind the counter brightly. Then she took Saeran’s hand and pulled him down the street. He finally let himself cry, soft, quiet sobs.

                    M.C. squeezed his hand tighter and turned to him. “It’s okay now. It’s okay. You’re safe with me, okay?” She’d kept her promise. She came back. And she told him he was safe with her. Was he safe…because she kept her promise? The thought alone got Saeran to smile weakly through his tears and hold her hand tightly.

                  They found a bench to sit on and eat their skewers. They were soft and warm and creamy, and tasted like heaven. Despite having nothing but half an ice cream to eat all day, he ate slowly, wanting to save the memory of this food in his mouth forever.

                   When they finished, M.C. asked him why the police were looking for him, bringing him back from heaven to the scary reality. He shrunk.

                   “I…don’t know.”

                   “They said your father’s worried about you and your twin.”

                   “I’ve never met my father.”

                   “Why did they lie?”

                   “I don’t know. Because grownups lie.” He realized he was talking too much and clapped a hand over his mouth. This was bad. He couldn’t tell her anymore. Then maybe he could ask her questions. About this world outside. About the police. About finding his brother. But first….

                  “Why are you helping me?” She looked down, and when she looked back at him, her eyes had tears in them.

                  “Because you’re covered in bruises. You’re so skinny, like you never eat. You’re afraid of everyone. I think you’re even afraid of me. It hurts to see someone so hurt and afraid.” He gaped at her, no idea what to say. She continued. “The only one you don’t seem afraid of is your brother, so, so…we have to find him! We just have to!” Tears fell from her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up. “We will find him, okay?”

                   As they walked, Saeran noticed that the sun was hanging low in the sky. M.C. shivered once in the growing chill but brushed it off with a smile. That was what Saeyoung did when he was cold, or hurt, or tired: he smiled. If Saeran asked, he said everything was fine. Eventually, Saeran learned it was a lie, so he stopped asking, so his brother wouldn’t have to lie to him. Now she’s lying too! She’s hurt because of me! And if she doesn’t go home, the police will look for her too! Will they hurt her too?

                   He wanted to cry, but he refused. When he cried, she looked sad too. He didn’t want to see her sad, ever. He wanted to see her smile, her bright, happy sunshine smile, the one that promised everything would be okay, that the two of them would eat ice cream together with Saeyoung….

                   He looked up and stopped in his tracks. There stood the shop where just today, he and Saeyoung had eaten ice cream. “Hey, after we find Saeyoung, when the three of us eat ice cream together, can it be here?”

                   “Sure. But why here?”

                   “It’s where my brother took me. It’s our special place.” He turned to her and squeezed her hand. “I want us to share it with you too. And…I won’t be afraid of you anymore.” He shook when he said it. Not being afraid felt like a lie, but he wanted it to be true. He wondered if he could ever make it true.

                   She pulled him close in a warm, tight hug. “We’ll go here. The three of us. I promise.” He held onto her tightly. He’d never held anyone that close except Saeyoung.

                    The sun was set now; it would soon be dark. Searan didn’t know what to do in the dark. And he wasn’t sure if M.C. did either. Saeyoung, please find us.

                  Then, across the street, he saw it: a flash of red retreating into an alley. “Hyung,” he whispered, pulling away from M.C, who looked at him with surprise. He repeated himself, louder. “Hyung.” He grabbed M. C’s hand and took off into the street. “HYUNG!!!” He shouted as he ran into the alley, not caring that his legs were already exhausted and could barely hold his weight. The pink hood fell from his face, and his bright red hair flew around him.

                   The other boy turned around and removed his own dark hood to reveal an equally vivid red mop and golden eyes filled with tears. Saeyoung. I’ve found you! Saeran’s legs finally gave way and he crumpled to the ground, M.C catching him to break his fall. She squatted next to him and held his hand. “We found him.”

                    Through his tears, Saeran smiled wider than he ever knew he could. “We did! We found him!”

                    Saeyoung rushed to his side, planting himself firmly between Saeran and M.C. He pulled Saeran close and glared at the girl. “Who are you? What did you do to my brother?”

                    M.C. released Saeran’s hand and stepped away. “I’m M.C. I…just tried to help….”

                    Saeran spoke up. “Hyung! She was nice! She made the bad boys leave me alone, and she hid me from the police officer, and she gave me band-aids, and her coat, and a snack! And she hugged me when I cried and promised we’d find you! Hyung, she keeps her promises, just like you do!” His chest shook as Saeyoung looked from him to M.C. First, he looked shocked; then he just looked tired.

                    He helped Saeran stand up and brushed him off. “Give that girl back her coat. You can wear mine.”

                   “Keep it! I mean, you can have it, Ray.”

                   Saeyoung turned to her with a confused frown. “Ray?” Saeran bit his lip.

                   “He wouldn’t tell me your names, so I decided to call him Ray…because his smile is like a ray of sunshine…Anyway, he said it was okay!”

                    Saeran was lifted onto his brother’s back, but he watched to see how his brother would react to M.C.’s words. Saeyoung brushed his fingers across the ice cream band-aid on his knee and looked back at M.C. with a somewhat softer glare. “You made him smile, then? Thank you for taking care of him. I’ll take it from here.” He started to carry Saeran away.

                    Saeran felt torn. He didn’t want M.C. to be gone. He wanted to see her smile more. But now that Saeyoung was back, he had everything he needed. He’s be fine, right?

                    “Wait!” It was M.C. She ran and fell into step next to them. “Can I…be your friend?”

                    Saeran hesitated. He wanted to say yes, but he knew that probably wasn’t possible. He looked to his brother. Saeyoung always had the answers, and Saeran always trusted him.

                   “No. You can’t. Stay away from us.”

                   “But…I can help!”

                   “You’ve seen how much danger he’s in! If you stick around, you’ll be in trouble too! And I…can’t protect you too! Forget us! It’s better that way!” He started to walk again, and she didn’t follow.

                   “You’re a good person, too. Just like Ray. I can see why he was in such a hurry to find you.” Saeran turned around to see M.C. She had stopped following them. Her eyes shone, but she smiled. It was the smile that lied and said, “I’m okay.”

                    “Find me someday. So we can keep our promise!” She called after them, then waved and disappeared back into the street.

                    As soon as M.C. was out of sight, Saeyoung began to shake, and his tears were falling onto Saeran’s knees. He clung tighter to his brother’s neck, nuzzled against his hooded head. “Hyung, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

                “No, Saeran. I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I’m sorry it took me so long to get rid of those guys. When I came back, and you were gone…I thought I’d gotten you killed.” He broke into sobs, and Saeran cried too.

                “I’m sorry, Hyung! Someone came…he had bottles like Mother’s….”

                “No, you did good! You’re alive, thank God! I thought you were dead…but I couldn’t stop looking…you were all I could think about!”

                “I was looking for you too, Hyung! I thought you were dead…and it was all my fault! If I hadn’t been there…you could have gotten away!”

                “Don’t say that, Saeran. Don’t ever say that.” His voice had lowered eerily, and Saeran had to lean close to hear it. “When I thought you were dead, I…wasn’t me anymore. I did bad things.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “I stole this sweater. I told myself it was so I could hide and look for you. But then…I walked past a guy selling knives…and I thought how easy it would be to take one….”

                Saeran gasped. “You…you didn’t?!” He remembered that shop; he had walked past it clinging to M.C. in fear.

                His brother chuckled softly. “No, I didn’t. Not yet. But I decided, if I didn’t find you by nightfall…I was going to find that shop again. And then I would hurt everyone who ever made you suffer, starting with Mother.”

                Saeran began to tremble. “You can’t, Hyung. She hurts us, but she’s still our mother.”

                Saeyoung laughed again. “You’re a good boy, Saeran. Don’t ever think you’re a burden to me again, okay? I need you to stay who I am. I can only be good because I have you here with me.”

                “W-what do you mean?”

                “Don’t worry about it. You won’t find out. Because I won’t lose you again!” His bright smile was back, and Saeran nestled into his brother, finally able to relax.

                When they approached their home, Saeyoung put him down and looked him seriously in the eyes. “She’s going to be awake by now.” Immediately Saeran winced in fear as he imagined the beating to come. Saeyoung grabbed his shoulders. “Listen to me! This is important. We’re going to tell her I kidnapped you and forced you to go outside with me. I’ll say I put my hand over your mouth to keep you from screaming.”

                “Hyung…I can’t! She’ll-”

                “She won’t do anything to me I can’t handle. You’re body’s already past it’s limit. I can’t let you face her like this.”

                “But you-”

                “-will be fine. Trust me!” He started to pull at the pink coat on Saeran. “Now take this off. You know she’ll be madder if she sees it. And take off those band-aids too. You can’t ever tell her about that girl, got it?”

                “O-okay.” He took off the coat and took one last look at it. He saw words written on the inside. “Hyung, what does this say?”

                His brother read the words to him. “So that’s her name, huh? M.C. for short.” He paused. “Saeran, I’m sorry. She was good to you. I can tell.”

                “It’s okay. You wanted her to be safe far away from us, right?”

                “Yeah.”

                 He knew it. He was starting to understand why his brother told him smiles that lied and didn’t always tell the truth. He realized it watching M.C. start to cry as they left her behind, he would rather never see her again than have her face Father’s men or Mother’s beatings. 

                 “What was the promise she talked about?” After Saeran told him, he asked if he thought it would ever happen. “The three of us eating ice cream together? Well, not anytime soon.” Saeran had known that, but he still felt his heart sink.

                 “But,” he added as he pulled the band-aids off, “this isn’t forever, remember? Someday, when we’re grown-ups, and I’m big and strong and can make money, we’ll be safe. Then…maybe we can find her again.”

                “But, for now, we need to survive first.” He lifted Saeran into his arms, forcing him to look into his eyes. “Now remember: what are we telling Mother?”

                “Th-that you covered my mouth and made me come out here with you.”

                “Good.” He felt Saeyoung’s strong arms wrap around him tightly. “You’re a good boy. So be good and let me protect you.”

                You’re good too, Hyung. Even if you don’t believe it. Only Saeyoung could protect him from Father’s men and Mother’s punishment. He could only exist because of Saeyoung. He wrapped his arms tightly around his brother and prepared himself to face Mother. If Saeyoung needed him there to remind him he was good, then he would stay, no matter how many times he was hit for it. This was all he could do for Saeyoung, was stay by his side as long as he wanted.

                This was their secret world, one that no one else could understand, no matter how strong or how good they were. As he washed himself in his big brother’s presence, he silently thanked M.C. for bringing them back together. And for showing that there was kindness in the world waiting for them when they finally escaped. But for now, it was time to put to sleep all his memories of her soft touch, her bright smile, her name, her promise, everything. Until he and his brother survived their twisted secret world.

Chapter Text

               Saeran stood in the doorway, waiting to be acknowledged by his soon-to-be sister-in-law. She sat on the floor, legs sprawled out, several half-unpacked boxes around her, absorbed in what looked like a photo album. She loved those things and was always dragging Saeyoung and himself into pictures to fill them. Well, dragging him, mostly; Saeyoung, fully supporting her habit, didn’t need to be dragged. Saeran would never admit it, but he didn’t mind it as much as he let on anymore.

                In the almost two years since his rescue from Mint Eye, she had been a constant source of support for him, especially in the early days when he couldn’t yet trust his brother. In those days, he had refused to leave his room and screamed at anyone who got near. She had sat outside the door and listened patiently to his muddled and conflicting emotions, even when he lashed out in anger and fear. She understood when he needed his space, and communicated as much to Saeyoung, who couldn’t stop fussing over him. She helped them communicate and start to repair their relationship. She was there the first time he left his room willingly, the first time he decided to trust Saeyoung again, and the first time he spoke to the others in the RFA.

                In the time since then, Saeran had started to build a life for himself. He and Saeyoung had founded a security consulting company that was doing quite well, and it was certainly far safer than what either of them were used to. He had discovered a talent for baking, and the kitchen was always full of his work. He had begun to take pride in sharing his creations with his family and his newfound friends. Saeyoung had offered to send him to culinary school if he ever wanted, though that was probably because his own cooking skills left him in need of a cook. It was a nice idea, but Saeran wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted. Maybe he would go. Maybe he’d study more about computers. He liked the sky and clouds. Maybe he’d study the weather. It was nice to think of all the opportunities ahead of him for the first time, and he didn’t want to rush a decision like that.

                When they had decided to move from the bunker to a real house, Saeran had been afraid they would move on without him. Logically, he knew it wouldn’t make sense to live with them forever, but he didn’t really know what to do with his life. When he had finally admitted these fears, Saeyoung and his fiancé had stared at him in horror, asking him how he could even think for a second that he wasn’t coming with them. They half-jokingly told him he would be the one to want to move out someday, and they would both be heartbroken. He knew deep down somewhere that that was true, but he wasn’t ready to imagine such a future anytime soon.

                The girl finally looked up from her photo album and noticed him standing there. She scrambled to her feet and rubbed her face frantically…wait, had she been crying? “Ah, I’m so sorry! I got so absorbed I didn’t see you! How rude of me!”

                “Oh, it’s fine. I just came to drop this off. I think one of your boxes ended up in my room.” He placed the box as far in as he could without actually setting foot in her and Saeyoung’s room. When he looked up, he found her staring at him strangely. Like she was trying to figure something out, maybe? Anyway, it made him feel awkward. “Um, is everything okay?”

                She seemed to realize she’d been staring and started fidgeting nervously. “Oh yeah! Sorry; sometimes these photo albums get me acting weird! Oh, dinner will be ready soon! Saeyoung’s in the kitchen right now!”

                Saeran chuckled. “It’s his turn to cook? I better go check on him before he poisons us!” They both laughed at his brother’s expense, and Saeran walked out of the room feeling relieved.

                The three of them sat on the floor of their new kitchen, eating delivery pizza on top of yet unpacked boxes. By the time Saeran had offered to help with dinner, there was nothing left to save. They gave Saeyoung the mercy of using the energy-draining move as an excuse. Honestly, with all the dramatic Dr. Pepper toasts to their new home, their new lives, and all, it didn’t matter what they were eating. Everything felt right.

                 Until Saeyoung cleared his throat. “Um, Saeran, about tomorrow…”

                Saeran tensed as he looked up from his pizza. “Yeah, what is it?” He hoped he sounded nonchalant. The following day was the one-year anniversary of the day their father had been put away for his crimes. The day he and Saeyoung had been granted legal identities. The day they became free. The RFA was having a party to celebrate. He wondered if the thought of seeing them would ever not make him nervous.

                 He had RFA to thank for his freedom. V had left with Jumin the results of his investigation into the prime minister, full of evidence that had long been obliterated. Jumin and Jaehee had formed an entire intelligence unit to pursue the leads in those files. Zen had been the one to reveal the results on the media, his popularity drawing people in to listen. And the one who had convinced them all to make this happen, despite V’s death and the truth about Rika and his own sordid role in it all, was his soon to be sister-in-law. The one he had lured into this whole mess, attempted to kidnap, and threatened to blow up. They all had a right to hate him, but she probably had the most right. He knew she forgave him; she had made that impossible to deny, even though he sometimes wished she would give him the hatred he deserved. The others, well, he could chalk it up to them wanting to help Saeyoung. Obviously, they’d want to help their friend. He was just along for the ride. Because as much as they tried to act friendly, there was no way they could ever forgive him.

                 “Well, I know you’re nervous about seeing everyone, and we were thinking, maybe the three of us could go out before, get some ice cream or something beforehand?”

                  He sighed. He wasn’t a child anymore. Ice cream didn’t fix everything anymore.

                  “It…was my idea.” She spoke up. “I’m sorry…I don’t want to impose or anything….”

                “It’s fine, I guess.” He really didn’t like upsetting her. Neither of them, really, but especially her. She was the glue that had brought his family back together, after all. Besides, ice cream may not fix everything, but it certainly never hurt!

                 They’d driven quite far for ice cream. When Saeran asked why, they both gave him a knowing grin and said he’d understand when they got there. Saeyoung joked that they were taking the scenic route, though Saeran wasn’t sure how scenic it was. The further they drove, the more the area looked like the run-down neighborhood he had grown up in. He knew whatever the hell they were doing, though, they were doing for him, so he tried his best to calm his nerves.

                  When they parked in front of the shop, Saeran glanced out the window, and his breath caught. The place looked familiar. He was hit with an overpowering memory of children’s laughter and blue popsicles. But why?

                 “Saeran, do you remember this place?” His brother’s voice was gentle, just as it had been back then, and it brought tears to his eyes that he struggled not to shed. Saeyoung climbed out of the driver’s seat and into the back with him.

                  “You…took me here…the day we snuck out.” He’d forgotten that memory, because it had been followed by some of the most fearful memories of his childhood. Their father’s men had found them, and they’d had to flee for their lives. When they finally got home, they had received the most severe punishment they’d ever gotten. Saeyoung had gotten the worst of it, shielding Saeran from the blows as best he could. In fact, he’d been unable to move for some time after that. Saeran had developed a fever from all the running. The two of them had spent a week laying in the darkness, no food, no water, unable to move, thinking they would die, and the only comfort they had was their hands in each other’s.

                  Recalling it, Saeran could feel his breath accelerating. No, not a panic attack, not now. Focus on something else, ground yourself! He grabbed his brother’s hands. “Tell me about that day. The good parts.” Luckily, Saeyoung seemed to recognize what was happening, and described their trip to the ice cream shop in vivid detail: the bright golden sunlight that day, the soft blue sky, the sweet and tangy taste of the blueberry popsicles. How refreshing the cold felt in their throats on the hot day. How Saeran’s eyes had grown so wide and his smile lit up so much when he had his first taste of ice cream. The feeling of the cool stone steps under them, and the feel of their soft fingers on each other’s as they pinky swore to return here. He described it all in the same gentle voice that had calmed his fears as a child. Apparently, that voice could still calm him down, because his breathing was returning to normal, and he felt more in control of his body.

                   He realized he’d been crying and wiped his face. “Great, now my eyeliner’s messed up! I put extra effort into it because of the party, you know!” His voice came out weak and hoarse, not in the joking tone he had been going for. Oh well, he’d never been great at that anyway. At least Saeyoung and his fiancé seemed to understand his intention as they both laughed lightly. Oh yeah, his fiancé. He’d forgotten she was there. Wait….

                   “You said this was your idea?” He turned to her, still in the front passenger seat. “How did you know about this place?” She dug in her purse and pulled out a photo of a little girl standing next to a birthday cake with a candle in the shape of the number eight. The girl had long brown hair with overgrown bangs that almost covered her eyes. She wore a white dress under a baby-pink coat that looked both brand new and soft. She had a pink band-aid with popsicles on it across her nose. And she wore the most confident smile Saeran had ever seen. Wait, he’d seen that smile before. He could feel that soft coat on his own shoulders; he could see those band-aids on his own knees.

                   “I found this in my photos last night. My parents gave me this coat for my eighth birthday. It was my favorite thing in the world. I wore it every day. Even if it was too hot, I’d carry it around with me. One day, I came home without it, and I told my parents I’d lost it, but…that wasn’t true.”

                   She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing her story. “That day, I met a boy with red hair and golden eyes who was covered in cuts and bruises and terrified of everyone. He was looking for his twin brother, and I decided to help him. He said he was hiding from someone, so I hid him with my coat.” It was all coming back to him now. He’d been separated from Saeyoung while they ran from their father’s men. He thought he’d die lost until he met a girl who helped him find Saeyoung.

                   “We found his brother, who told me to forget them. That it was dangerous to stick around them. I knew he was right. They were hiding from the police, and they wouldn’t even tell me their names. I was a kid; I didn’t know what to do. I was too scared to tell anyone, even my parents, and eventually I did forget about those boys. Until I found this.” She held up the photo. So that’s why she’d been so weird last night. With how weird he was feeling right now, he couldn’t blame her.

                   “M.C. You only gave me your initials back then. Your real name was stitched into the fabric of the coat. But I forgot it, along with everything else.”

                   “Do you remember our promise?” She paused while he searched his memories until he found it. The promise they’d made together. The promise that seemed so unlikely to ever come true.

                   “We’d…eat ice cream here, the three of us.” Both of them were beaming with smiles infectious enough to convince Saeran to try one of his own. He felt incredulous. Was this really happening? How was she here? “How? How did you find us?”

                   “Actually, I think you found me. Do you remember the last thing I said when I left?” When he strained his memory, he could see the girl disappearing into the last rays of the day’s sunlight. He knew she had said something, but he couldn’t remember what. He shook his head.

                   “I told you to promise you’d find me someday. So we could all eat ice cream together. And even if you weren’t aware of it, I think you remembered on some level. Think about it, Saeran. How did the RFA messenger app end up on my phone?”

                   Saeran took a shaky breath. He hated remembering those days, but he had to. This was important. “I…hacked your phone and put it there.”

                  “Why me?”

                   “I don’t know. I was watching five potential recruits at the time. You just seemed…I don’t know, the most right? I didn’t know who you are.”

                   “Maybe you weren’t aware, but I think you knew subconsciously. I think you chose me because I was familiar. And maybe because you were able to trust me in the past?” He considered the possibility. Knowing what he knew now, it seemed the most likely explanation. How hilarious, that even when he’d wanted nothing but to destroy his brother, he’d unwittingly sought out the girl who had brought them back together. Twice now. He was suddenly hit with a strong wave of guilt. He didn’t deserve this happy ending. Not after what he’d put them through.

                   “I-I’m sorry then.”

                   “What? Why?”

                    “Well, because you helped me before, I found you and dragged you into a huge mess. I hurt you…I even tried to kill you….”

                    He shut his eyes to stop the tears. He didn’t deserve to cry, not when he was the one who’d hurt them. He felt her hand give his a tight squeeze. “You also led me to the love of my life.” He opened his eyes and saw hers gazing adorably at Saeyoung. Well, that was true. Those two were very much in love, and they never would have met if he hadn’t planted her in their chat room. Okay, he did one decent thing against all the other crap he’d done.

                    “You also came back with us. You decided to trust us. You take selfies with us. You bake amazing treats, and you remember all our favorites! You’ve even taught me a thing or two in the kitchen! You help me scold this one here when he gets too out of control!” She gave Saeyoung a playful smile and he grinned sheepishly. She was right, sometimes the guy could be a complete child. And not like a normal child. More like a monkey child. With ADHD. On drugs. He let out the slightest bit of a chuckle.

                    “Saeran, I can’t wait to be your sister, because you’re the best brother I could ever ask for. I have the best family in the world, and it’s because you found me. So…I wanted to tell you thank you.” She had tears in her eyes. Damn, so did he. He was not used to feeling this many things. He turned to his brother; whose glasses were fogged up from tears.

                   “Saeran, do you remember when you asked me if I thought we’d ever all eat ice cream together? I didn’t think it was possible, but I didn’t want you to lose hope. That’s why I said, ‘maybe when we’re all adults.’ I didn’t think you’d actually make it happen! But you did. You actually did!”

                   “Did you remember this?”

                   “Not until last night, when she told me about it.” So it looked like all of them had forgotten. But they had all found each other again anyway. The girl who’d helped him before grew up and brought him back to his brother again. He looked back at her.

                    “You brought us back together again.” She shook her head with a smile.

                     “Not this time.”

                     “She’s right. This time, you brought us together.” Saeran felt his brother’s heavy arms wrap around his shoulders, and the girl’s hands grasping both of his. He usually didn’t like to be touched, but right now, he felt himself melting into the touches of his family. Their little family that would find each other no matter how much time, brainwashing, or lost memories they had to swim through to do it.

                     She was the one who finally broke the embrace. She got out of the car and opened his door, offering her hand and a confident smile, just like the old days. “Come on, let’s go fulfill our promise!” He took her hand, and Saeyoung took his other hand as he followed him out of the car. As they walked up the steps of the shop together, Saeran realized he had both the best brother in the world, and the best sister in it, too.

                      “I’m getting a blueberry popsicle!”

                      “Me too!”

                      “Blueberry popsicles sound great!”

Chapter Text

              Saeran had feared seeing his brother and his reflection. The former was due to the brainwashing he’d endured. Even knowing all his reasons for hating Saeyoung were lies fed to him by the S- by Rika, his body couldn’t ignore its programmed nausea at the thought of him. The latter was because he couldn’t stand to see the monster he’d become, the monster who’d hurt the woman he now knew was his angel. These fears had surfaced shortly after the two of them escaped Mint Eye.

               Those early days had been pure chaos. His father, Prime Minister Saejoong Choi, had kidnapped his brother and was hunting for him, leaving RFA caught in the crossfire. Amid the mess, Jumin Han had made him an offer: help C&R’s new intelligence unit find Saeyoung and he would use all his resources to protect him. Even though just thinking about helping Saeyoung made him sick, he didn’t regret taking the deal. No one was going to take his brother away before he settled their score.

                The Mint Eye compound was destroyed in an explosion shortly after their escape. Apparently, believers had been evacuated beforehand, and nearby hospitals were flooded with patients withdrawing from a strange drug. Rika, Mint Eye’s founder, and V, who’d infiltrated as Believer #A306, were confirmed dead in the explosion. Saeran, monster that he was, couldn’t feel grief, only relief that they’d never hurt him again.

                Their father’s misdeeds were exposed thanks to the documents Saeyoung left with Jumin before his disappearance. Apparently, V had provided those in the first place, records he’d collected years ago before such information was purged. Zen went on the air, using his popularity to convince the entire nation to hear their case. After that, it had only been a matter of time before they rescued Saeyoung and put their father away for his crimes. While they were at it, they exposed that agency Saeyoung had worked for before they could threaten him. With those foes out of the way, the twins were granted legal identities. They were free for the first time in their lives.

                Saeran spent the next year learning to live free. He moved into his angel’s apartment, and she truly was an angel; she put curtains on all the mirrors so he wouldn’t have to see his reflection, cute, flowery curtains that were just like her. He worked his hardest at recovering so he could repay all her kindness. He attended therapy regularly. He stayed on at the intelligence unit so he could help with household expenses. He turned the patio into a garden, where he could finally sit with her, surrounded by flowers, watching the clouds, which they did every day. And every day, she told him how proud she was of him. Sometimes, listening to her, he thought maybe if he worked hard enough, put enough distance between himself and his past, he could escape the monster he truly was. Maybe then he could be truly free.

                 The first time he saw his reflection was in the restroom at his therapist’s office. He tried not to use public restrooms for this reason, and when he did, he kept his eyes down to avoid the mirrors. Because as much as his therapist, his new friends in RFA, and his angel told him otherwise, he just knew there was a monster there, waiting to drag him back into the abyss. What caught his eyes this time, drawing them hopelessly to the mirror despite the dread begging him not to look, was the bright red.

                  He’d had red hair and golden eyes like Saeyoung’s as a child. The drugs he’d taken in Mint Eye had turned his eyes that peculiar green and his hair stark white. For years, his hair had just grown in white, and he assumed it would always do so. But the red that’d caught his eyes…was the red of his roots growing in. He leaned in and examined his scalp, where the hair sprung from his skin. At its very root, as if it’d never been corrupted in the first place, was the exact same red of his childhood. The red of his brother. He felt all at once nauseated and thankful he’d not yet had his appointment.

                  His therapist told him severe stress and malnourishment could cause premature hair lightening, and correcting these could allow his hair to start growing in normally. It could be taken as a sign of recovery. That he was becoming free to be the person he’d always been under the trauma. Did that mean he could be someone other than the white-haired monster that waited for him in mirrors? He hadn’t believed in such a possibility at first, but he held onto that dream a little tighter every day he spent with her. She, who’d delivered him from that hell and given him strength to believe he could have a place in this world with her. If he could become who he’d been before he was the monster, it was entirely because of her.

                   Who had he been? His memories of that time were so fuzzy after years of drugs and brainwashing. He’d been sick, and scared, and weak. He’d never wanted to hurt anyone. And he’d once believed in a better future, because of the one whose face mirrored his own, urging him on with a bright, wide smile. Saeyoung. Even now, he encouraged him gently, waiting so patiently while Saeran fought the hatred that’d been written into his body.

                   The next time he saw his reflection was later that day, as he examined his newly dyed hair. He’d almost perfectly matched the red roots, ridding himself of the monster’s white hair. He was almost an exact mirror image of his twin once again. He instinctively braced himself against the nausea but found it weaker than before. He caught sight of his mint green eyes. They were a reminder of that place, of the monster. But they were also a reminder that he was not Saeyoung. He was his own person with his own past to sort out and his own future to choose for himself. The nausea calmed down to a nervous tickle in his stomach. That he could handle.

                  She must have been shocked when she came home and saw the change, but when he explained his reasoning, she embraced him warmly, telling him how proud she was of him. She’d always been like that, so supportive of every step forward he took. It was because of her support that he was able to come this far. And it was because of her support that he could ask her, shakily but with determination, to accompany him in the next step of his recovery- facing Saeyoung.

                 He wouldn’t go without her by his side at first, and not for long. Though he knew Saeyoung worked hard to control it, his hyperactivity exhausted what little energy Saeran wasn’t already expending to control the nausea. But over time, as his body overcame the brainwashing, he was able to spend more time with his brother and came to look forward to their visits. He came to see Saeyoung’s spastic energy as the same force that’d protected Saeran against their parents all those years ago. He came to understand, and to really and truly feel, that their separation hadn’t been Saeyoung’s fault, that everything he’d done, he’d done so believing it would protect Saeran. As he came to those terms, she started leaving them alone more often, though never too far away if he needed anything.

                 The first weekend he spent at his brother’s bunker without her came about a year after he started seeing him. He was afraid of such a long trip alone; he’d been doing well in therapy, and he knew he loved his brother, but what if he slipped? What if he had a flashback? What if a fragment of a former personality surfaced and tried to hurt Saeyoung? What if he lost him again because of it? But she reassured him he was ready, that she knew he wouldn’t hurt anyone. She had more faith in him than he did sometimes, but it made him want to be everything she thought he was. And she would be nearby, helping her parents clean their garage, if he needed her.

                  By halfway through the visit, he thought he might not need her to intervene. He was amazed at how calm he was around his brother’s ridiculous antics, although he drew the line at cross-dressing. He could genuinely accept his brother in a maid costume, as long as he didn’t have to wear one too. Thankfully, Saeyoung respected that boundary.

                  What he didn’t expect was for his girlfriend to call halfway through the visit, out of breath, asking to see them. An all-too familiar feeling of panic creeped into him.

                  “Darling, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Saeyoung, seeing the fearful expression, hovered nearby with a questioning look. Saeran clutched his hoodie for support.

                  “I’m fine, really! I didn’t mean to worry you! It’s just…there’s something I need to tell you. Could you both meet me somewhere? I’ll send you the address!” Saeran’s feeling of dread didn’t dissipate. This sounded odd. Was she being forced to- no, nothing like that would happen, right? Not again. He felt Saeyoung’s hand on his shoulder and looked up. His brother nodded.

                   “Saeran, you’re breathing, it’s…oh no! I’m sorry! I promise it’s nothing bad; everything’s okay! It’s just…I have a surprise for you. For both of you. And I think you’ll like it.” Saeran’s breathing started to return to normal, and he released his tight hold on Saeyoung’s hoodie. She was fine. She was safe. She had a surprise. And while Saeran wasn’t a huge fan of surprises, he trusted her.

                   “Ok, love, we’ll be there.”

                  Saeran tapped his knee nervously the entire way there. As much as he trusted her, anything unexpected made him nervous. He’d be a lot calmer when he saw her. Saeyoung glanced over at him when he could afford to take his eyes off the road for a second.

                 “Whatever it is, it’s fine. She wouldn’t lead you into anything bad.”

                 “I know.” Still, he tapped. Saeyoung took the wheel in one hand and reached over with his free hand to hold Saeran’s. Saeran looked out the window and couldn’t help feeling like he’d been there before, leaving him with a familiar feeling of unease. But with it came a familiar feeling of knowing he wasn’t alone. He gripped his brother’s hand tighter and didn’t let go the rest of the way.

                  As expected, he calmed down as soon as he saw her. Once the car was parked, he exited and pulled her into his arms, taking in her warmth, her scent, breathing kisses into her soft hair. With her there, the ground beneath his feet felt more real, and he could ask her what was going on.

                 She pulled back and looked up at him with the softest look in her eyes. “I needed you to see this place. Do…do you remember it?” She cradled his hand in hers and pointed to the building in front of them: an ice cream shop.

                 Saeyoung was the one to react. “Holy…is this…?” Saeran looked on in confusion as the girl in his arms turned to his brother with a delighted smile. What was he missing here?

                 His brother turned to him. “Saeran, I…I think this is…the first place I ever took you for ice cream.” Saeran was even more confused. The first place Saeyoung had taken him for ice cream was the shop down the street from his bunker, the first time he had visited. He’d said he wanted to make that first visit as comfortable as possible and he knew Saeran liked ice cream…wait…how had he known?

                  He looked at the building again, searching his memories, and then he found one that sent his world spinning. He stumbled into a pair of soft but strong arms. She held him close. He was okay. He turned back to his brother, who had leaned against the car for support.

                 “Saeyoung…took me here…the day we snuck out.” He’d forgotten that memory, because it’d been followed by some of the most fearful memories of his childhood. Their father’s men had found them, and they’d had to flee for their lives. When they finally got home, they’d received the most severe punishment they’d ever gotten. Saeyoung had gotten the worst of it, shielding Saeran from the blows as best he could. In fact, he’d been unable to move for some time after that. Saeran had developed a fever from all the running. The two of them had spent a week laying in the darkness, no food, no water, unable to move, thinking they would die, and the only comfort they had was their hands in each other’s.

                 But he also remembered, once again, that he wasn’t alone. They’d made it. He remembered the good things from that day: the bright golden sunlight, the soft blue sky with its fluffy white clouds, the beautiful scent of nearby flowers. The way his first taste of that blueberry popsicle had tickled his throat in the sweetest way. The feeling of the cool stone steps under them, and the feel of their soft fingers on each other’s as they pinky swore to return there. Here. To this place. They’d made it back. But how?

                 He looked to the girl in his arms, who looked back at him, eyes shining with happiness. She must really be an angel. That was the only way he could explain her knowing something about him he’d never told her, that he’d forgotten himself. “How…how’d you know?”

                 With a shy smile, she reached in her pocket and pulled out a photo, holding it up for both the boys to see. “I found this in my parents’ garage, and I remembered everything. After that, I knew I needed to find this place and bring you here.”

                 The photo was of a little girl standing next to a birthday cake with a candle in the shape of the number eight. She had long brown hair with overgrown bangs that almost covered her eyes. She wore a white dress under a baby-pink coat that looked both brand new and soft. She had a pink band-aid with blue popsicles on it across her nose. And she wore the most confident smile Saeran had ever seen. Wait, he’d seen that smile before. He could feel that soft coat on his own shoulders; he could see those band-aids on his own knees. Why?

                 “My parents gave me this coat for my eighth birthday. It was my favorite thing in the world. I wore it every day. Even if it was too hot, I’d carry it around with me. One day, I came home without it, and I told my parents I’d lost it, but…that wasn’t true.”

                  She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing her story. “That day, I met a boy with red hair and golden eyes who was covered in cuts and bruises and terrified of everyone. He was looking for his twin brother, and I decided to help him. He said he was hiding from someone, so I hid him with my coat.” It was all coming back to him now. He’d been separated from Saeyoung while they ran from their father’s men. He thought he’d die lost until he met a girl who helped him find Saeyoung. That girl was…oh god, thought Saeran as recognition dawned on him.

                  “We found his brother, who told me to forget them. That it was dangerous to stick around them. I knew he was right. They were hiding from the police, and they wouldn’t even tell me their names. I was a kid; I didn’t know what to do. I was too scared to tell anyone, even my parents, and eventually I did forget those boys. Until I found this photo.”

                  “Holy…I remember you now.” Saeyoung’s eyes were wide, and he looked as awestruck as Saeran felt. “That day…I thought I’d lost him, but you brought him back. I’d forgotten.”

                  Saeran traced the face of the girl in the photo, and then that of the girl before him, hardly believing it. “M.C. You only gave me your initials back then. Your real name was stitched into the fabric of the coat. But I forgot it, along with everything else.”

                  “Do you remember our promise?” She paused while he searched his memories until he found it. The promise they’d made together. The promise that seemed so unlikely to ever come true.

                  “We’d…eat ice cream here, the three of us.” He felt incredulous. Was this really happening? How was she here? “How? How did you find us?”

                  “Actually, I think you found me. Do you remember the last thing I said when I left?” When he strained his memory, he could see the girl disappearing into the last rays of the day’s sunlight. He knew she’d said something, but he couldn’t remember what. He shook his head.

                   “I told you to promise you’d find me someday, so we could all eat ice cream together. And even if you weren’t aware of it, I think you remembered on some level. Think about it, Saeran. Who brought me to Mint Eye?”

                   Saeran took a shaky breath. He hated remembering those days, but he had to. This was important. “I did.”

                   “Why me?”

                   “I don’t know. I was watching five potential candidates at the time. You just seemed…I don’t know, the most right? I didn’t know who you were.”

                   “I think you did know subconsciously. I think you chose me because you knew on some level that you could trust me.” He considered the possibility. How hilarious, that even as he wished he’d never see his brother again; he’d unwittingly sought out the girl who’d brought them back together. Twice now. Still, if he’d recognized her back then, in that state, he would have…he couldn’t even think about what he would have done to her. Thank goodness he hadn’t recognized her. He pulled her close and fought back tears.

                   “I don’t think I was…exactly looking for you at the time.” He choked out. She stroked his hair in that comforting way of hers.

                   “I think you were. You just didn’t know it yet. What name did you give me when I first came to Mint Eye?”

                   “R-Ray. It was what I called the weak part of myself so I could cut it out.”

                   “Why Ray? Who first called you Ray?” He looked into her eyes, and saw the child in his memory, heard her voice:

                  “I’ll call you Ray! Because your smile is like a ray of sunshine!”

                   “Oh my god.” Tears fell from his eyes. “You…you found me.” She looked at him, her own eyes welling up with tears, and shook her head with a smile.

                   “Dude, it sounds like you found her.” Saeyoung pulled off his glasses, which were fogged up with tears. “Do you remember when you asked me if I thought we’d ever all eat ice cream together? I didn’t think it was possible, but I didn’t want you to lose hope. That’s why I said, ‘maybe when we’re all adults.’ I didn’t think you’d actually make it happen! But you did. You actually did!”

                    She pulled him close. “You did. You found me. And I fell in love with the sweetest, strongest boy I’ve ever met. One who grows flowers even in darkness. One who forgives those who hurt him in the most terrible ways. One who keeps seeking the truth, no matter how many lies he has to fight. One who never truly gave up his gentle self.”

                    He wiped tears from his eyes, but more fell. “I, I’m not that, I mean…I can still be a monster….”

                   “You could be when you had to be. But when was the last time you had to? Was it before we uncovered the mirrors? Was it before you started seeing Saeyoung again?” He looked to his brother and knew she was right. He’d never want to attack either of them again. The monster no longer had any hold over him. She’d found the person underneath the monster, and she hadn’t let go. Just like she’d found him all those years ago and insisted on helping him. She was his beacon, his light, his angel, who could bring him back whenever he was lost.

                   He pulled her into his arms, crying freely. “Thank you, my love, thank you.” He pulled back just enough to wave Saeyoung over, who wrapped his arms around both of them. Through his tears, Saeran smiled wider than he could remember smiling before. His family was here. His future was here. His everything was here. He’d been found. He was free. Really, truly free.

                  When the three finally separated, their tears spent, a soft, heavenly hand laced its fingers through his own. “Shall we fulfill our promise?” He nodded and extended his free hand to his brother. Together the three of them walked up the steps.

                  “I’m getting a blueberry popsicle!”

                  “Me too!”

                  “Blueberry popsicles sound great!”