Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time Henry Corduroy saw the woman he would marry, she was finishing up a keg stand. When she was put back down on the ground, she screamed “SONGS ARE HUGS FOR YOUR EARS.” Then Mabel Pines immediately went to run around the party, ululating and waving her hands in the air.

It wasn’t love at first sight, but it was certainly interest at first sight.

—-

Backtrack a bit, to a week before.

Here is Henry Corduroy, twenty two, and fresh out of Oregon State with a BA in Library Science in one hand and an…actual job at a real library in the other?

He couldn’t believe it either.

Of course, the fact that it was the Gravity Falls Town Library helped.

“We’ve been trying to get a new librarian for two years now!” his soon-to-be boss had told him in the phone interview. The fact that they not only got someone, but a young person with a recent degree, seemed to be enough to make his future boss, Mr. Hasegawa, about to cry.

“Henry dear,” his mother told him over Skype, “just think of this as….as a stepping stone. Put in a year or two here, and you’ll be on to bigger and better things before you know it.” She was echoing what many of his own friends had said but what no one seemed to get was that this was what he wanted.

Not Gravity Falls exactly- he didn’t really have any antipathy for the town, it was just he could have gone to any place of its size in Oregon and it’d have been what he wanted. But no, point being, he didn’t need or want to run a large university library or a branch in a big city. Just a little place of his own in a small town where he didn’t have fifteen branches of the Corduroy clan asking when he’d give up with this nonsense and start cutting trees breathing down his neck. A place where he could become part of a community, a place where he could help people.

A place he could make a home of his own out of.

—-

Okay, so it was a little ironic in trying to move out of the eye of the majority of his relatives, he moved in with…some relatives.

But of all his many uncles and cousins, his favorite had always been his Uncle Dan (who went by “Manly Dan” here in town and he was really trying hard not to snort at that.) Dan was just as much an over the top, he-man (heh), tree cutting, beer swilling, log spinning and monster truck show watching guy as everyone else Henry was related to. But like Henry, he was a bit of a black sheep because he and Uncle Tyler had been together for about eight years and married for three and while no one said anything about Uncle Tyler to Uncle Dan any more (at least, not to his face, not after The Time Dan Broke John’s Nose), there was still….disapproval.

So yeah, he and Dan didn’t have much in common, but they definitely understood each other. And Uncle Dan and Uncle Tyler were cool enough to let him stay in Arnold’s old room until he got his feet under him and was able to rent out a place of his own in town.

Also, that meant he got to hang out with his favorite relative, his cousin Wendy.

—-

“How’s your first week here in town been,” Wendy asked as they hung out on the roof, watching the firebirds ride the thermals in the sky.

“Good. Though Mr. Hagesawa’s gratitude is starting to get a little creepy.”

“Eh, give him some time. His daughter just left for college so he’s been a bit emotional.”

Henry looked at Wendy.

“How do you know that?”

“We were in high school together my last year.” Wendy sat up to take a drink from her can of Pitt and looked over at him. “If you’re going to settle down here, you really need to get to know people. Preferably people our age.”

“Hey! People of all age groups use the library.”

“Uh-huh sure. Point still stands; you need to get out and meet not library-clientele.”

“Um, I don’t know Wendy, I’m not really good at small talk.” Or any talk for that matter.

She poked him in the shoulder. “Relax, I have the perfect opportunity for you. I’m going to a party at my friend Tambry’s on Saturday. A lot of my other friends will be there too. You should come.”

Henry thought about it. She had a point. Most of his friends were still either in Corvallis at Oregon State, back in their own home towns, or had gone on to Portland. And this was where he wanted to settle down (a week here and this weird little place was already growing on him.)

—-

The week passed and before Henry knew it it was Saturday and he and Wendy were riding in her VW Van that someone (later, he would find out it was Mabel) had painted fish and mermaids and harpies and giant squid all over.

Henry, his head already almost touching the ceiling of the van, bonked his skull against the tough metal as they went over a large bump on the dirt road.

He landed back in his seat and rubbed his head. “So, who do you know that will be there?” he asked his cousin.

Wendy started counting out on her hands, using her knees to steer (if she was trying to psych him out, she was going to fail, because if there was one advantage to being 6’7, it was being able to steer with your knees. Because they hit the wheel anyway.)

“Let’s see, Tambry obviously. Thompson and his girlfriend, Nate and Lee-it’s their four year anniversary so we got them a cake, Robbie though he’s an ass, Candy, Grenda, Pacifica, and Mabel and Dipper.”

“Oh, so a nice small party between friends then?” Henry asked. He could handle that.

“Oh no, that’s just who I know. Tambry invited everyone in a tri-town area, including the manotaurs. Those guys really know how to get down.”

Henry slouched down in his seat, or at least as much as he was able to. “Oh.”

They drove on in amiable silence for another ten miles until they got to the party which-oh god-had people (“oh that’s Ruby and Lupe, they’re Tambry’s little sisters”) directing traffic.

Wendy turned off the van and started to get out, but she paused and looked at Henry, with an uncharacteristically worried and concerned look on her face.

“So my friends Mabel and Dipper….they’re my best friends, yeah? But….but you won’t be able to see Dipper. But he’s there. Just trust me on this.”

Henry didn’t say anything right away and Wendy went on, a little more rushed. “Okay, yeah it sounds crazy, but it’s no more crazy than watching the firebirds in the sky or the fact that there is rune reading in school now and Henry, you don’t have to believe that Dipper is there even though he is, but so help me God, if you tell that to Mabel’s face I will-“

Henry held up his hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa Wendy! Relax! You didn’t see me nod?”

Wendy smacked her forehead. “We are in a dark van Henry.”

“Oh.”

Wendy sighed. “I’m sorry to go off on you like that Henry but Mabel is a really sweet kid, and she and Dipper are like siblings to me. I care about them a lot and they….they’ve had a lot of hurt to deal with.”

They got out of the car and Henry slung an arm around his cousin’s shoulders. “You’re a good friend Wendy.”

She smiled. “Thanks Henry. Now let’s help you make some of your own.”

Henry’s eyes boggled. “Uhhh….”

They walked inside and the first thing Henry saw was a woman that looked about his age with long brown hair, an oversized sweater that read (if he was making it out right; she was upside down) “I Am the Evil Twin”, space leggings, and bright pink Doc Martens. She was absolutely stunning, and she was currently doing a keg stand with two Manotaurs holding her and a crowd of thirty people chanting “Go Mabel Go!”

She finished and was let down. She pumped her fists in the air and yelled at the top of her lungs “SONGS ARE HUGS FOR EARS!!!!” and then immediately burst past Henry and Wendy in the doorway and began running around Tambry’s house, ululating.

Wendy looked up at Henry and saw the stunned look on his face. “That was Mabel. Mabel Pines.”

“Uh….”

Wendy punched his shoulder. “Come on silly, let me introduce you to everyone.”

—-

Henry was currently hiding and nursing a drink.

Wendy had tried her best and he did meet all of her friends. Hell, he was totally going to meet up with Henderson later this week to play some Smash Brothers and have dinner at Nate and Lee’s on Sunday. But parties really weren’t Henry’s thing and now he was kind of wishing he was back at home and back in his element.

Wendy came up to him and had…ohmygod she had Mabel with her. And he could feel the curry stain on his shirt and his hair was awful and he may or may not have begun vibrating from slight nervousness.

—-

Mabel had been rolling around on the sheep skin rug that was in one of the rooms in Tambry’s house, with Dipper running a continuing sarcastic commentary, when Wendy had come in.

“Hey Wendy!” Mabel said.

“Tell Wendy I said hi.”

“Dipper says hi too.”

Wendy smiled. “Hey guys, I want you to come meet my cousin real quick. He just moved to town and I think he’s a little shy.”

Dipper summoned the strength to pop on to the physical plane for a second. “And you’re going to introduce Mabel to him?”

They both looked at Mabel, who was currently running her fingers through the soft combed wool of the rug and going “you’re a nice kitty, Aoshima.”

Wendy looked at Dipper. “Eh, I’m sure it will be fine. Henry is a chill dude.”

Dipper nodded and then –goddamnit- faded back into immateriality. He walked over to where Mabel was and lifted her up. “C’mon Mabel.”

She shook her head to clear it, realized that was a mistake, and decided to just stand with Dipper supporting her for a second. Her twin looked at her.

“Mabes, are you going to be okay to meet this guy or do we need to go home for the night? You know Grunkle Stan told us to just call when we were ready.”

“Let…let me meet this guy first. Then I’ll see.”

Dipper looked at Mabel and then nodded. “Okay.”

She smiled crookedly at him and then they followed Wendy out through the living room and on to the porch where there was a dude sitting in a porch swing looking a little lost and

Oh.

My.

God.

Dipper saw the suddenly enrapt look on Mabel’s face and went, “Ohhhhh no.”

Mabel didn’t even hear him because she was too busy staring at THE CUTEST GUY SHE HAD EVER SEEN WAT? He was all knees and elbows-she could tell he was tall even though he was sitting down. He had thick curly red hair and looked like he was a walking freckle. Thick rectangular glasses framed hazel eyes set in a hawkish, strong featured face that was crowned with a beak of a nose. He was clean shaven, and had on a flannel shirt (of course), a t-shirt that read “Knowledge Is Power, Power Corrupts: Study Hard, Be Evil”, and faded blue jeans and work boots.

Okay so maybe other people would have found him just okay looking but Mabel was awestruck.

“Hey Henry!” Wendy called over to him and brought Mabel over. Sweet Moses was her sweater okay? Did her hair look funky? Was that a sand wirm she saw in the distance or the last bit of that keg stand?

—-

From Dipper and Wendy’s point of view, Mabel and Henry looked at each other in the eyes for a full forty five seconds. Dipper was trying not to crack up and hurt Mabel’s feelings but they looked like two deers in headlights, only the headlights were each other’s eyes and they also looked like they would pass out at any moment.

Finally Mabel managed to croak out. “Hi.”

Wendy, who had maneuvered herself to stand next to Henry, elbowed him hard. He coughed on Mabel, and looked like he wanted the earth to open up a hole under him and swallow him up (which was really tempting, but Dipper decided to let this guy prove himself first).

Bright, day glow red, Henry managed to choke out a “Hi,” back.

Another moment of awkward mutual attraction and then Mabel brightened.

She put her hand on Dipper’s shoulder. “This is my brother, Dipper. You can’t see him but he’s here.”

Without even thinking about it, Henry waved at Dipper, though as he couldn’t see him, it was in the general direction of Dipper. “Hey Dipper. Nice to meet you.”

Mabel burst into a great smile and the ice was broken and she was launching a full on Mabel verbal assault at him. He was still shy at first, but gradually began to emerge from his shell.

Dipper and Wendy were in shock. Even when told beforehand that Dipper was there, was real, no one had ever just….accepted it. Even their closest friends and family had paused a little bit before saying something at Dipper.

Wendy looked at Henry and Mabel, now engaged in animated conversation, looked over at where she was sure Dipper was, and waggled her eyebrows.

Dipper wasn’t on the physical plane at that moment, but he felt like the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

Chapter Text

At home at the Mystery Shack that night, Mabel looked at Dipper very seriously.

Or as seriously as one could when they had socks on their hand and their head on the foot of the bed.

“Dipper,” Mabel said, rocking back and forth under the covers. “I need to know, what did you think of Henry?”

He looked up from the cross-legged position he was holding in the air over the bed. “What?”

“Dipping Sauce! What did you think about him? It’s really important!”

He thought about the aura he saw around Henry, the waves of kindness (and acute anxiety) he felt radiating off of him, the sense of groundedness, the smell of old books, coffee, and sawdust.

“He’s not bad,” Dipper managed.

Mabel smiled. “So he’s good?”

“Yeeeeeeees?”

“YAY!” Mabel screamed and next door Stan woke up and rapped his cue-ball cane against the wall. “Mabel, keep it down, it’s almost four for fuck’s sake.”

“SORRY GRUNKLE STAN,” Mabel yelled (because a drunk Mabel was a louder than usual Mabel).

She turned out the light and turned over in bed.

“Mabes?”

“Hmmmf?” she said from in her pillow.

“Why did you ask?”

She moved a little bit. “Oh we’re going out for lunch tomorrow. I had a good feeling about him but it’s good to know you feel the same.”

He felt her slip into sleep.

Oh.

Oh shit.

—-

That feeling of ‘oh shit’ magnified the next day when Mabel told him in no uncertain terms that “If I see you hanging around at lunch, Dipper Pines, I will drag you out of the restaurant by your ear, and bodily kick you out of the parking lot.”

Dipper looked at her like a kicked puppy. And for good measure, when she had turned around for a second, he switched into his twelve year old self.

She turned around and-

“No Dipper. I don’t care. When I know him better, yeah, sure, you can come. But for this first date, I just want it to be me and Henry.”

“Why?”

Mabel looked at Dipper for a minute, and tried to remember that even before the whole ‘becoming-a-demon’ thing, social skills were not her brother’s strong point.

She went for the best deterrent she could think of.

“We’re totally going to make out.” (probably not)

“No you won’t.”

Mabel glared at him. “We will and it will be with tongue and if I see you there I will make sure you somehow see us no matter where you go.”

The blood drained from Dipper’s face because he didn’t doubt that Mabel could do something like that.

“I….I think I feel a summons seeyoulater!” he gasped out and popped out of her sight.

Mabel smiled. Score one Mabel.

-

They had a nice lunch.

They totally made out.

Then they proceeded to keep on having nice lunches. And dinners.

And then after a while she stayed the night over at his place, and then she started staying over every other night, and then one morning about three months after she started going out with Henry, she woke up curled next to him, wondering blearily why everything was plaid, and realized it was time for him and Dipper to meet. Again. For realsies.

—-

“If it is okay with you,” Mabel told him on the phone one afternoon, “I’d like to have Dipper come along with us next time we go out somewhere.”

Henry nodded, loading up a cart with books to put back on the shelf. “Okay.”

“Just….just like that?”

Henry’s brow furrowed. “Well, yeah, he’s your brother isn’t he? Why would I mind?”

Mabel was silent on the other end of the phone. Oh shit did he say something wrong?

“No…no you didn’t Henry,” Mabel said and oh god he said that out loud.

“You said that out loud too Henry.”

“I….I think I’m going to hang up now,” Henry said, very glad his boss or the fifteen old ladies that made up the (as Mabel referred to them as) The Henry Corduroy Fan Club, wasn’t here.

“Okay, see you Saturday, love you!” Mabel chirped and then hung up.

—

When she ended the call, she looked up from her spot on the floor in the living room to find Dipper looking at her, in shock.

“Love?”

“Yeah Dipping Sauce, I love him.”

“But…love?”

“Yes, like ba-bump, thump-thump, wump-wump.”

Dipper just looked at her, completely dumbstruck. She sighed, and yanked him down from where he was floating above her using his coat tails. She pulled him into a hug.

“Dipper, you know I’ve really, really appreciated you giving me my space while I’ve been going out with Henry, right?”

“Yes,” her brother grudgingly said.

(Because resisting the urge to check in on Mabel, to see what this Henry person was really like, had been one of the hardest tasks of his life, not helped by a tiny voice in the back of his head going ‘what are you doing letting your property boss you like that?’ It was an ugly voice, a Bill voice, and he was moving along now)

Mabel gave him a peck on the cheek. “Well, I think this is real. Like, really real. So I want you two to start to get to know each other. Okay?”

Mabel smiled at him, and when his sister looked at him like that, well.

How could he say no?

She boffed him on the shoulder a bit. “Besides, I think you all will get along great!”

Dipper had his doubts. That’s what she said about the last four people she had gone out with.

—

Dinner had been going well so far, Henry thought. Mabel looked absolutely gorgeous, in her heels and oversized sweater she was wearing as a dress. They were at….probably the most okayest restaurant in town, Greasy’s. But that was where Mabel wanted to go because, as she put it, “I’m riding the pancake train out of hungry town!” and also they had booths so Dipper could sit across from them and no one in Greasy’s would blink an eye at them talking to thin air. (Because they knew Mabel, and they knew Dipper).

It wasn’t even bad talking to Dipper, though it was a little awkward, because all their conversation had to go through Mabel, so there was some lag, for lack of a better term.

But on the whole it was going good, or at least until a ten foot cross between fly larvae and a bear and an octopus burst through the window.

Mabel swore, the first time Henry had ever heard her do so, and then before he knew what was happening, she took her steak knife (He was wondering why a greasy spoon would give out steak knives to cut pancakes but it was probably for things like this) and made a large cut across her palm.

“Dipper, I need your help,” she calmly said and in the bench across from them a demon appeared, black where the whites of his eyes were supposed to be and flame streaming from them, pointed ears, even pointier teeth. He was wreathed in blue fire and had a surprisingly good sense of fashion. Before he even had a chance to react they were off.

The next ten minutes were, for lack of a better term, spectacular.

Mabel was….he really shouldn’t find her even more gorgeous covered in monster blood and throwing salt and punches in equal amounts. At one point she took off one of her stilettos and used the point of her heel to gouge out one of the monster’s eyes.

At that moment, Henry knew, then and there, that he was in love, and that this was the woman he wanted to marry.

Dipper, on the other hand, was fucking terrifying, all teeth and claws and shadow.

Especially after he took the monster’s head in hands and pretty much ripped it off. The rest of the body dropped to the floor with a thump, dead.

And then everyone….everyone went back to eating. Lazy Susan emerged from the kitchen with another carafe of coffee and began refilling everyone’s cups that had been overturned by the goddamn monster that had broken into the diner. Two more customers even came in using the gaping hole in the wall instead of the door.

Like nothing. Had. Happened.

What the fuck kind of town had he moved into?

—

Mabel and Dipper slipped back into the booth.

Henry had a look on his face that looked all too familiar to the both of them, combining shock and horror and fear and queasiness all in one. He was sheet white, which made his freckles and the splatters of monster blood on his face stand out all the more.

Dipper looked at Mabel, and the completely dejected look on her face. Of course this was going to happen, again, of course the person who was going to be there for her through thick or thin was leaving, again.

He began to think of a good retaliatory act to pull against this latest one while Mabel timidly took Henry’s hand and went, “Um….if you don’t….if you don’t want to see me again, I’d….I’d understand. Really. It’s okay.”

Her voice wavered a bit. “But before you go, I hate to be a butt and ask but….but could you get the bill? I lost my…my purse in the…fight.” A tear tracked down Mabel’s face, cutting a clear path through all the blood.

Henry visibly shook himself, and laser focused in on Mabel’s face.

“What….what on earth are you talking about Mabel? Why would I do that? I love you.”

Mabel sat back a bit, completely dumbfounded. The look of utter shock that had been on Henry’s face was now on Dipper’s.

Henry took a firmer grip on Mabel’s hand. “I mean, could we maybe do dessert at your house or mine instead because that monster corpse is starting to reek and frankly is quite terrifying and ruining my appetite.”

He turned a bit in his seat, and extended his free hand, even though it was shaking a bit, towards Dipper (who still was void black with yellow brick tracing all over him). “And Dipper? It’s nice to finally meet you, face to face.”

Dipper looked at Henry’s hand in shock for a full thirty seconds before Mabel (who recovered quicker), elbowed him to take it.

“It’s good to meet you in the flesh as well, Henry.”

Henry shakily smiled.

“Can…can we go now? Because the smell of blood is kind of making me nauseous.”

Mabel smiled, and together Henry and her walked out arm in arm, with Dipper, who was now incorporeal again, following after.

So. It looked like this Henry was a keeper after all.

Dipper smiled.

Time to get to know this new boyfriend of Mabel’s a little better.

Chapter Text

“The thing you need to know about Dipper,” Mabel told him the next date they had after That Thing At The Diner.

She took a slurp of coffee real quick, and looked out the window, unable to meet his eyes.

“The thing you need to know about Dipper is that….he really wasn’t good at people before…before the thing-“

(Mabel could never bring herself to call it the Transcendence, not when she still remembered the screams her brother made that day, that sickening ten minutes where she was so sure Dipper was dead)

“-and now that he is who he is….It’s just…”

Henry didn’t say anything, but he reached over and grabbed her hand, to let her know to take her time.

“Well, he has a hard time knowing how to…how to people.”

Henry rubbed her knuckles as she went on.

“I mean, everyone here in town knows Dipper is here and with us but Dipper hasn’t really been able to talk to a lot of people in the flesh since we were twelve. Mainly me and Grunkle Stan and Wendy and Soos.”

Mabel took another drink of coffee. “So, my point is, his social skills are…rusty. Like a big rusty thing.  But he’s really excited to get to know you. So…um, be patient please?”

Henry leaned over in the booth to gather Mabel into his arms.

“He’s your brother Mabel, and you love each other. How can I not be patient?”

Mabel smiled wanly.

“Well, you can’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

The next day Henry was in the process of parking his truck at the Gravity Falls Library when a head with flaming eyes popped up immediately right in his face.

Chapter Text

“How’s it going cuz?”

Henry looked up from the magazine he had been reading on his bed.

Elsewhere in the house he could hear Uncle Dan and one of his other cousins yelling…something, lord only knew, probably had to do with manliness. Wendy, however, was standing in the doorway.

“Oh, um, good? I just-“

Too late for him to hide it, Wendy had joined him on the bed and deftly snatched the small catalog from Jouele’s Jewels from his hands.

She looked at the page Henry was on and then at Henry.

“So, that serious huh?”

Henry knew when he was caught out. “Yeah, that serious.”

“It’s been only seven months,” Wendy gently pointed out.

“I know, I know, and it wouldn’t be now but….” Henry blushed to the roots of his hair. “I just…really love her, and there is no one else I want to be with and-“

Wendy laughed.

“Relax Hen!” Her face softened and she grabbed her cousin’s hand. “I’m just glad that you…you’ve stuck with Mabel.”

Henry looked at Wendy confused. “Why wouldn’t I?”

A slight pained look passed over Wendy’s face. “Why indeed,” she muttered under her breath.

Louder Wendy said, “Can you hold on for a second? And close your eyes when I say to?”

“Sure.”

She got up, and went into her room real quick. Henry could hear shuffling and rooting noises, before steps and a “Close your eyes!”

Henry did, and felt Wendy sit next to him on the bed.

“Okay hold out your hand and then open your eyes.”

He did and felt a small something drop into his hand.

Henry opened his eyes. There on the palm of his hand was a simple golden ring, with a small opal set into it.

“Wha…what?”

Wendy grinned. “It’s Grandma’s ring from when she was married the fourth time; she gave me her rings from all her even number marriages before she passed. I think I can spare one for you and Mabel.”

“I….I…do you think Mabel will like it?”

“She loves you dude! Of course she will!” Wendy thought. “Also there are a lot of colors and it sparkles so yes, I think she’ll like iiiiahh!!”

Wendy had been swept up into a big bear hug by Henry.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much,” Henry murmured into Wendy’s ear.

She punched him in the shoulder with her free hand.

“Any time cousin.”

--------

Henry sat on his bed, computer in his lap. He looked down at it for a second.

He was probably going to regret this.

A lot.

And he could trust Mabel and Wendy to be honest with him, so he really didn’t need to do this.

But Henry was curious and if there was one thing Henry loved to do was research, to go down the internet rabbit hole for hours on end.

He opened his laptop, his browser, and typed in “Alcor”

The first result he got was for a weird ass cryonics foundation, which since the influx of magic in the world, seemed to only be gaining more and more new customers. The second hit was for the star Alcor in the constellation Ursa Major.

The third was for a demon message board called….Henry sighed as he clicked on it, Pandemonium. He clicked on the forum for “Demons and Summoning” and was surprised to find a permanently pinned subforum dedicated to his girlfriend’s brother.

Knowing he was going to regret this yet unable to stop himself, Henry started clicking through threads.

RE: Shit Went Down in PHX?

[10/24, 2pm] 5um0nma5tr: Guys I’ve heard some reports on the grapevine that we had an Alcor sighting in Phoenix this weekend? Anyone on the ground there can give us a first hand account?

[10/24, 2:01pm] magiwhee: I heard about it. From the one person who survived afterwards.

[10/24, 2:03pm] 5um0nma5tr: Jesus.

[10/24, 2:04pm] magiwhee: I’ll tell you more in a bit when I can get the blood off of him.

RE: Abilities Part 15

[2/15, 11:13am] hunt0kar12: So judging what we all have gathered information wise these last few months, I think it’s fair to say that Alcor could easily wipe a city like, um, El Paso off the map?

[2/15, 12:07pm] cute_bunniey14: No, think bigger (even tho its scary as fuck i kno) like phoenix or philly

At this Henry had to move the computer for a second to go and get a drink of water, come back, and make an account because there was no way.

Seriously. They had to be wrong. This was Dipper they were talking about. Dipper, who snuck pieces of candy out of the little jack o lantern he had out for the kids at the library for reading a Halloween book. Dipper who actually screamed like a little kid when one of the strays at Uncle Dan’s house brushed against his legs. (He claimed it was because his suit would be messed up but Mabel immediately began chasing Dipper around and making mewing sounds).

Dipper, who he caught sleeping next to Mabel once on the couch at the Mystery Shack, the both of them snoring like planes taking off.

He quickly made a profile (screen name, booklover618) and jumped into the discussion.

RE: Abilities Part 15

[2/15, 12:45pm] booklover618: Hello, new guy here. I am having a hard time believing all of this. Could someone give me a brief précis of what makes cute_bunny14 able to make that kind of claim?

[2/15, 12:47pm] hunt0kar: o wow you ARE new. Alcrew, can we help new guy out here?

[2/15, 12:48pm] mercim3: read the thread dumbass.

[2/15, 12:50pm] hunt0kar: the last time we told someone to do that it took them three hours. Let’s tl;dr this k?

[2/15, 12:52pm] z00boomafoo: the first time I summoned alcor, I used a circle cast out of the purest silver ore I could get. Had it specially made by a dude I met at the ren faire and blessed by my grandma’s priest and everything. Alcor just….just walked over it. Like it was nothing. And then he pointed out that chalk would have worked just fine and been a lot cheaper.

[2/15, 12:55pm] Carlton_Hewes_JR: yknow, for such a powerful demon, he REALLY doesn’t like it when you sacrifice sheep. I got a lamb~a lamb! from the guy next door to my aunt and instead of being greatful for the sacrifice he gave me this look and I am not ashamed to admit I felt like peeing my pants.

[2/15, 12:56pm] kanayalives: Cartlon, I feel compelled to mention again that perhaps it is not the smartest thing to have your screen name be your full legal name, especially on a board of magic users.

[2/15, 12:57pm] daiytinohello: Guys are we forgetting to mention that he’s easily beyond a class SS demon?

[2/15, 12:58pm] booklover618: “Class SS” ? Is there a classification system for various supernatural creatures out there?

[2/15, 12:59pm] mercim3: r u a fucking librarian or wat?

[2/15, 1:00pm] booklover618: Um…

[2/15, 1:02om] kanayalives: Don’t worry guys I got this. Booklover618, demons and other supernatural creatures are generally rated on a scale of F, E, D, C, B, A, S, and SS; F being the lowest and SS being the highest. Kind of like school, yes?

[2/15, 1:04pm] booklover618: Okay, I’m with you still.

[2/15, 1:07pm] kanayalives: F and E scale creatures are those like gnomes, pixies, and fairies. D through B are kind of everything else: unicorns, werewolves, manotaurs, et cetera. Starting at A is when you get to things like demons and gods. A is generally assigned to gods because they have power, but not when they are on our plane. S is most demons. SS….honestly, pray to whatever god you believe in that you never meet an SS demon because you are pretty much fucked seven ways to Sunday if you do. Bill Cipher, before he disappeared, was an SS level demon.

[2/15, 1:10pm] cute_bunniey14: here let me make it easier for you... on a scale of 1 to 10, alcor is like a 30 and he seems to keep getting MORE powerful. Like there’s shit he does now we know damn well he couldn’t do ten years ago.

[2/15, 1:12pm] booklover618: My goodness.

[2/15m 1:15pm] daiytinohello: But yeah I brought that up because some cats I know up in Ann Arbor at the Applied Demonology Lab at U of M have been doing research on this binding circle they came up with. Steel walls, seven layers of circles and binding runes and there was blood and holy water and silver and pretty much everything you could think of. It held in eight SS class demons before they summoned Alcor. And he stepped over all of the circles, and walked through the steel walls-but like, not phased through it but left a motherfucking hole in a goddamned metal wall. Though, to be fair, my friend Ann said he was actually pretty cool about the whole thing and made some noises about getting their research out to the public. I think it’s to keep lesser demons from his domain.

[2/15, 1:16pm] mercim3: alcor is pretty much a god

[2/15, 1:17pm] BAPPELS: NO WAY GODS CANT DO SHIT IF THEY HAVE A CORPOREAL BODY. ALCOR CAN. HAVING A BODY DOESN’T LIMIT HIM. FUCK I THINK IT MAKES HIM STRONGER OH GOD JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME THINK THAT WE’RE ALL FUCKED.

[2/15, 1:18pm] kanayalives: Bap, you left your caps lock key on again. I presume it’s an accident.

[2/15, 1:20pm] cute_bunniey14: dam skippy alcor isn’t a god. can gods rip out the heart of someone who displeased them and eat it in front of them as they lie screaming and unable to die until alcor is done with them? no i don’t think so.

[2/15, 1:21pm] kanayalives: Bunniey, we still don’t have conclusive proof of that episode. But that does bring up a good point, in that part of the reason we are all so interested and yet completely terrified of Alcor is that his power does not diminish on the physical plane. He can summon things out of the ether, touch you, maintain both a body and his power, and be fine.

[2/15, 1:23pm] bookworm618: Well, I am quite terrified myself right now, but I am still unsure as to why being able to manifest a physical body is bad news?

[2/15, 1:24pm] hunt0kar: Basically?

[2/15, 1:25pm] hunt0kar: he can do whatever the hell he wants, whenever the hell he wants, and there is little we can do to affect him or stop him really. The Dream Bender can end the universe right now if he so chose. and we’d be powerless to stop him.

[2/15, 1:25pm] kanayalives: So think of demons like sponges, yes? They can absorb massive amounts of power in addition to what is at their disposal already and use it. But sponges can only suck up so much water, and demons have limits to their power. Alcor doesn't. We think he is just going to keep soaking up and growing more powerful. Infinitely."

[2/15, 1:26pm] hunt0kar: o hey I see you’re from gravity falls, he’s supposed to hang out there a lot. is that what brings you on?

Henry at this point decided to get up from the computer, and grab that bottle of Jack Daniel’s Uncle Dan kept in the fireplace for some reason. He then shotgunned a fifth of it before responding.

[2/15, 1:28pm] bookworm618: Yes, this is what brings me on. I was advised that I may want to move out of town because of this Alcor person…um, demon, sorry, and I wanted to do my research first.

[2/15, 1:29pm] lululululuuuuu: no worries, I heard the govt will slip you cash on the dl if you want to relocate because lk fuck that shit lolsolololololols.

[2/15, 1:30pm] bookworm618: I have to laugh because I was given some advice that I should try summoning Alcor?

[2/15, 1:31pm] hunt0kar: No

[2/15, 1:31pm] kanayalives: No

[2/15, 1:31pm] cute_bunniey14: No

[2/15, 1:31pm] BAPPELS: No

[2/15, 1:31pm] lululululuuuuu: No

[2/15, 1:32 pm] l0velyl0ra: a year ago some cult sacrificed a little boy to Alcor at the pool by my house, and when the police came in the morning, their bodies were drained of blood and the pool was full of blood instead of water.

[2/15, 1:33 pm] bahherashing: I heard about this dumbass who lived down the road and summoned Alcor to wipe our high school off the map….he turned the woods next to our school into a barren desert instead and left that dude out there. They found his body three days later.

Henry decided that he would just replace Uncle Dan’s bottle of Jack Daniels, and took another large swig from the bottle.

[2/15, 1:34pm] booklover618: How do we know all of this?

[2/15, 1:35pm] hunt0kar: trust me we know

[2/15, 1:36pm] kanayalives: When Alcor is displeased, he has a way of making it known. Not that that prevents people from being stupid, of course.

[2/15, 1:37pm] BAPPELS: HE HAS THE TASTE FOR HUMAN FLESH AND BLOOD WE ARE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

[2/15, 1:38pm] kanayalives: Bap dear, remember that talk we had last week about the caps key?

[2/15, 1:40pm] booklover618: Well, you all have certainly given me much food for thought. Thank you for entertaining me and I will talk again soon.

Henry signed out and laid back on his bed.

He wasn’t surprised to see Dipper phase into the room a second later, gold nail polish on his claws (Mabel wouldn’t let him pick the color).

"Does this change things between us?" Dipper asked, eyes dark and infinite, and how he knew what Henry had been looking up Henry wasn’t sure, but he certainly wasn’t surprised, not after what he read.

Henry thought about it, thought about Dipper making soup for Mabel when she was sick, and keeping her out of major trouble when they went hunting, and laughing at the sheep playing on the farm next to Uncle Dan’s. Henry smiled.

"Nah. Nice to know Mabel will always have someone to look out for her.”

Henry backpedaled quickly.

"I mean, not that Mabel can't take care of herself because she can and I know she hits better than me and-"

Dipper laughed. "Henry, it’s okay, I know what you meant. I won’t tell Mabel though.”

"Cool."

A silence reigned in Henry’s room for a minute until one of the strays he fed jumped into the window

Dipper totally squeaked. It was both hilarious and adorable.

-------

Henry stood at the door of Stan’s office and knocked. He wasn’t sure why Mabel’s grand-uncle wanted to talk on him one on one but he certainly didn’t mind. Stan was quite the character.

(Henry said that once in front of Dipper and Mabel and wasn’t sure why they looked at each other and then burst out laughing. He meant it.)

A gravelly voice from within yelled “Come in.”

Henry opened the door and ducked in through the door frame. He sat down in the chair in front of Stan’s desk.

Stan was wearing a slightly different outfit than usual, his suit accompanied by a blood red tie, and black leather gloves.

Across his desk were several guns, disassembled and taken apart, cloth and cleaning solution everywhere. In his hand he was finishing polishing up a pistol that had…yes, that was a silencer attached at the end.

Henry had no idea what was going on but simply said, “Hello Mr. Pines.”

“Did you know I once did some time in Colombia?”

And that was out of the left field but okay. “No sir I didn’t.”

“Four years before I broke out and made it back up here.” Stan removed the silencer from the end of the pistol and began to clean it separately.

“Okay.”

“Prison wasn’t hard. Think I could do it again if I had to.”

Henry had an idea of where this was going but he decided to let Stan take them to the point himself.

“Then again, I don’t intend on ever going back. Know a lot more now than I did then.”

Henry just looked at him with a blank look and a vague smile on his face, which he found worked well for times like these.

Stan furrowed his brow and then laid the pistol down on the table. He leaned against his elbow on the table.

“Look kid, I’m going to level with you.”

Henry raised an eyebrow.

An almost impressed look passed over Stan’s face but he went on.

“Mabel loves you….though I have a feeling you know that already. And Dipper…Dipper thinks the world of you kid.”

Henry couldn’t help the goofy smile that crept across his face.

“My ki-those two have been though a lot of pain these past few years. And they don’t give their trust easily.”

Henry said nothing, just continued to stare at Stan.

Stan started to say something more but in the face of Henry’s bland look, he couldn’t go on. He smacked a hand over his glasses.

“Look kid, if you ever break up with Mabel, okay, but if you ever hurt her or Dipper, I will kill you. Literally kill you. Okay?”

Henry nodded. “Okay.”

Stan couldn’t hold it in any more. “How the hell are you not pissing your pants right now?”

Henry shrugged. “Dipper is scarier than you and we get along fine.”

He paused, and then looked Stan in the eye. “And I have no intention of ever hurting Mabel. Or leaving her. Same for Dipper.”

They stared for a moment, then Stan laughed, got up and moved around the table, and clapped Henry on the back.

“Why don’t you stay for dinner Henry? And hell, you don’t need to call me Mr. Pines. Grunkle Stan works fine.”

Henry smiled.

(Mabel found out about this several days later, went to Grunkle Stan, and smacked him a good one because “I can take care of myself Grunkle Stan!”

But she also gave him a big hug, touched beyond words.)

Chapter Text

He was having that nightmare again.

It was silly, really it was the stupidest, but there was nothing like dreaming about being back in school again and having signed up for a class you somehow didn’t show up for the whole semester and now you were going to fail school miserably?

Henry had this nightmare twice or three times a month, and it wasn’t scary so much as a weird dread, more terrifying in its own way because it was something that could actually happen in the real world.

This time though, one minute Henry was finding out that he had been unknowingly enrolled in Spanish 105 all semester and had an exam today and the next minute there was…

Well….there was a feeling of, for lack of a better term, omnomnomnomnom.

As the omnomnom’s commenced, the world was eaten away around him, leaving Henry in an ever increasing white void. Finally the whole dream was eaten up and Henry was left floating and-

Henry woke up.

There was Dipper at the foot of his bed.

More specifically, his bed at Uncle Dan’s house, since he wasn’t spending the night at the Shack.

He had never woken up to see Dipper at the foot of his bed before (Mabel’s bed at the Shack? Yes. Here? No.)

Dipper looked at him a little guiltily, and then let out the most massive burp Henry had ever heard. He was amazed that Dan and Tyler didn’t wake up from the floor rattling a bit.

Dipper saw Henry staring at him, sans glasses, and blushed.

“Um, I was, um, in the neighborhood, and I saw that you were having a nightmare, and I ate it and I hope it’s okay?”

Dipper looked right now more than anything else like Jack, the kindergartener who came to Story Time every week, and always tried to sneak two lollipops out of the lantern, and every time Henry caught him in the act, gave him the same guilty look that Dipper was giving him now.

Henry sighed. Well, it was weird as hell, but he couldn’t deny that his nightmare was gone.

“Yeah, its fine. Thanks Dipper.”

Dipper smiled, showing teeth that were in two rows like a shark.

“No, thank you, nightmares taste really good like-“

“Um, Dipper I need to go to sleep cause I got work in the morning annnnd-“

“Oh, oh yeah, yeah that’s cool, later man.”

Dipper blipped out of existence.

Henry rolled over on his side and wondered what was his life.

---------------

One minute Henry was sitting peacefully on the couch, the next minute he had a lap full of demon.

Henry checked to make sure that yes, that was Dipper, and yes, he was on this plane because Henry could see him, before turning to his girlfriend.

“Um, Mabel?”

“Mmmmm?” she muttered, furiously knitting at a new sweater.

“Dipper is on my lap and-“

Dipper had gone from merely sitting on Henry’s lap to, yes, yes his girlfriend’s brother was kneading his chest like a cat.

“Dipper?” Henry asked, his voice trailing off in confusion because what the fuck also Dipper’s claws were pricking against his skin.

Mabel looked over.

“OHMYGOD DIPPY CAT! HE’S MAKING BISCUITS!”

Henry looked at Mabel in complete befuddlement as she continued to squeal and grabbed a camera seemingly out of nowhere.

“HE GOT DIPNIP.”

“Mabes, honey, I know you’re excited, but you kind of just blew out my eardrum.”

Dipper began to vibrate so hard Henry felt his teeth rattling.

“HE’S PURRING THAT MEANS HE LIKES YOU.”

“Mabel, we’ve known each other for several months now, I hope he likes me, I mean…”

“I’M GOING TO TAKE ALL THE PICTURES NOW OKAY?”

Stan walked in, saw what was going on, and walked right back out.

Dipper began to lick Henry’s face with a disturbingly forked tongue.

“HENRY! HENRY THAT MEANS HE THINKS YOU’RE A BABY KITTY AND HE NEEDS TO CLEAN YOU THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVER OH MY GOD.”

Henry wasn’t sure how to feel right now but cute wasn’t it. Also, Dipper’s spit made his skin go numb.

Eventually Mabel settled down, and Dipper did as well, laying draped over Dipper and purring like an outboard motor.

The trouble came three hours later when all of Henry’s extremities were asleep and he really needed to use the bathroom.

Henry started to get up.

Dipper grew twice as heavy. Literally.

Henry started to get up again because while Dipper was heavier, Henry still had a foot and a half on him.

Dipper growled.

“Dipper, I got to get up for a second.”

More growls.

“Dipper, seriously!”

Dipper, honest to god, hissed.

Henry stood straight up and Dipper-

“FUCKING OW DIPPER.”

Dipper had taken a swipe at Henry and scratched his chest, his claws cutting through Henry’s shirt.

Henry fell backwards on the couch in shock and immediately Dipper went back to purring and acting like nothing had happened.

He looked at Mabel, who waved her hand and went “pffft.”

“Mabel, I seriously got to get up.”

“Give him another ten minutes and we’ll switch laps so he’s on mine.”

“This…does this happen often?”

Mabel waggled her hand. “About twice a month. But don’t worry, I already got your revenge covered.”

She whipped out the polaroids of Dipper licking Henry’s face. “Just flash these at him when he sobers up. He turns red and purple and sparkly pink and it’s the best.”

Henry took the pictures almost bemusedly.

He supposed he could get used to this, having a bro-his girlfriend’s brother do this.

But seriously, the clawing had to go.

(One year as a gag gift from Henry specifically, Dipper got for his birthday the little claw covers that you could put on cats. Dipper was not impressed.)

------------

The last thing Henry expected when he and Mabel were going for a walk in the forest was to walk across a freaking conclave of cultists.

(The number of cults and cultists out in the world these days was really getting ridiculously large it seemed to him)

It was beyond infuriating because tucked safely in the zipped up inside pocket of his jacket was a little box. Henry had it all planned out; a wonderful weekend camping at La Pine State Park, one last walk before turning in for their last night, stop by Big Tree, propose….

Ugh. Seriously? The state park for…for whatever the hell they were doing? Could they have been any more conspicuous?

Of course, then again, here he and Mabel were, hiding behind a tree, trying to figure out their best course of action to take them down, so perhaps Henry didn’t have much more room to talk.

Mabel had been able to tell who they were almost immediately, once they had gotten close enough to hear the chants, and see some of the regalia.

“We dealt with them a few months ago,” she had said, her usually bubbly and effervescent voice hushed and dark.

“I didn’t catch the name,” Henry whispered back.

“It’s okay, I had to do some research,” Mabel replied, eyes tracking the movement below. “Dipper and I figured it out though; they’re like the Gathering of the Seven Hands or something like that.”

Below a fire was burning, large and bright, sending flickering shadows across Mabel’s face.

“They’re trying to summon Zadkiel the Merciful on this plane.”

Henry knew better than to assume that the ‘Merciful’ actually meant that.

Unfortunately, the time they turned to go back to camp to get the tire iron and bat from his truck was also when another cultist joining the meeting ran across them. Before he or Mabel could even do anything, the woman in the hood in front of them snapped out three words and the world went dark.

When Henry came to, he and Mabel were tied back to back, in the middle of the circle.

“Mabes,” he whispered. “Mabel, are you okay?”

No answer. But he could feel her breathing against his back, so he knew she was alive. Just unconscious then.

He moved his hands a bit. No knots or rope like what was connecting him and Mabel, but they were zip tied. Shit.

What left Henry worried was that there was no attempt by any of the cult to talk or gloat or explain or anything. They just stood, silently, outside of the circle. Waiting. Watching.

A goat was brought forth, and its throat cut in a businesslike manner over a silver bowl; cleanly, and once again, in complete silence.

He should probably be trying to talk to them, to demand answers, to pry any bit of information out of them that he could; but it was Mabel who was good with that, deceptive words falling off her lips like water out of a faucet, all beaming smiles and furious eyes. He was half convinced at this point if his girlfriend really tried, she’d have rocks, the dead, and his Aunt Angie spilling all their secrets in a matter of minutes.

Not to mention, Henry had a feeling that it would be particularly pointless with this crew. The level of professionalism radiating off them, for lack of a better word, was honestly the most frightening thing about this situation.

(The Gathering of the Seven Hands had prepared long and hard for this night. Every last piece of this night, from location to members present…all had been immaculately planned. No one or nothing would keep them from bringing their Lord to them this night.)

Hell, he couldn’t even try the tricks he had read about and learned from Mabel about breaking out of zipties because they had one girl posted in a tree, with a gun aimed on them.

The fact that they were still alive even as the goat blood was used to complete a second circle around the one that him and Mabel were in, that there were no moves with knives or any other instrument of pain at them, even as the prerequisite chanting in Latin began told Henry one thing.

They weren’t going to die now.

They were going to die when Zadkiel came onto this plane, and he and Mabel were offered up as the main course, the main sacrifice.

No he was not going to die like this and more important than anything else, he wasn’t going to let Mabel die here.

But how on earth was he going to get them out of-

Oh yeah.

Probably stupid, but definitely better than nothing.

He didn’t even know how to summon Dipper, officially summon him anyway since with one thing or another Mabel had never gotten around to actually showing him (and if they got out of this alive that was a thing that was going to be happening very soon).

But he had to try, especially since there was a cloud of dark viscous smoke coalescing over their heads.

Hidden by his body, Henry wiggled his fingers and felt soft, loose dirt underneath them.

As best as he could, he traced a pine tree in the dirt with his left index finger, drawing the little triangles even as a being with several sets of obscenely beautiful bird wings and covered in more eyes than skin descended from the cloud.

Added a small trunk to the tree as the cries of joy from the men and women assembled around washed over him.

Tried as best he could to write ‘help’ next to the tree even as the leader, deep in Latinate conversation with Zadkiel, suddenly pointed at him and Mabel.

There was nothing as Zadkiel’s head rotated on its neck a full three hundred and sixty degrees, like every bad horror movie Henry had ever seen but infinitely more terrifying because this was real and his head just twisted all the way around.

Nothing as Zadkiel slowly but surely drifted lightly over the ground towards them; all three mouths on his face ripping open in razor mouthed grins, the better to taste the fear coming off Henry in waves.

Nothing as Henry realized that Dipper hadn’t heard him, and now Mabel was going to die, and even as he struggled to get out of the rope, to shift it so he’d be the first to potentially get eaten, to defend himself, to do something, all Henry could think was that he failed Mabel.

He didn’t even get to propose to her and now he had gotten them both killed.

As Zadkiel came up to him, all grins and blonde hair and wings and the smell of rotted meat and spilt blood and the rusted metal of a thousand knives lifted up in his name, Henry grabbed Mabel’s hand as best as he could.

(Maybe it was selfish of him to be glad that she hadn’t woken up still but if this was how it was going to end…the less of it she went through the better, in Henry’s eyes)

Zadkiel’s sandaled foot touched Henry’s booted one.

Dipper suddenly was there behind Zadkiel, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention, and giving a little smile when Zadkiel turned around to see who had dared touch him.

The breath left from Henry’s body in equal parts relief and fear. Dipper was here, but he looked….normal. Well, for a given amount of normal where ‘normal’ was defined as ‘immortal dream demon.’ But Dipper didn’t look he did the first time they had run into this group of cultists, he looked more like he had just gotten back from getting a cup of coffee.

“One chance,” Dipper said, hands clasped behind his back, cool as a cucumber as if his sister wasn’t about to be eaten in front of him. “One chance to go back to your plane. Leave now, Zadkiel the Merciful. These two are m̧̢̀i̷͟͝ǹ̸e͠.”

Zadkiel simply looked at Dipper for a minute. It was hard to tell if there was an eyebrow on that wreck of a face, but Henry imagined that if there was the demon in front of him would have raised it.

Finally Zadkiel laughed, a horrible chainsaw against Henry’s ears.

“L͖̥̩͚i̶̮͉̬t̜͘t͎̪̭̼̤̭̭l̖̟̭̘̦͓e͉͎͇ ̺̱͎̜ụ̜̺p͎̯̘͜s̹̘̝t͔̬a̫͜r̼̥̜t̼͖̥͍.̶̼͓ ̬̣̝͈̞̳̝͠F̘̼̥͎͇̪̪͠i̧̫̙͓͇̜ͅn͈̳̳͙̹ḍ͔̼͚͡ ̼͈̼̝̪̪y̛̲͈̙͓͇o̱͔̟͉͈̟̠u͖̲͚͉̹̤͍r̪̳͓̘̟̭͘ ̵̘o̪̲̭̥̦w͍͙̟̻n ̖͈̼pl̢a͈͇͔͢y̩̼t̪͙̗̳̳͖͘ͅḩ̺̥̣̠̤̹i̡̱͍̖̭̲͇̱ng͙͈̱̳̝͉̜s͙̼͕̫̭. ̪̟̪͍͔͜T̟͖̖̘́h͙͔e̩̭̬s̖̣̩̠̜̺͡ͅe̬͇̲ ̨̺̗o̩̭̳͝n̜̟̱̖̻̫̕ͅe̞s̛̺͍̰͓̜ a̛̝͚̪̱̰ŕ̬̻̠͚͈e̮̩̝͞ ̗̫̭̹͍̜ͅm̞̭͕̳͓ͅi̘̦̖̺̝n̶̫͈̦̗e͈̖̻̯̭̣̞.̤̤̻̞ ͈͝”

With that one of his hands snatched out lightning quick and grabbed Henry’s foot, stooping down and lifting it to his mouth, razor teeth pricking through Henry’s boot, the force of a jaw being applied more and more-

Dipper screamed and the ground shook with his rage. Absently, Henry thought he could here most of the cult booking it and running off, screaming for the hills.

Dipper waved a hand and the runners dropped to the ground and Henry knew without knowing how, that they were dead.

Dipper turned back to the three of them (Mabel was still, somehow, unconscious, and if he wasn’t paralyzed with bone deep terror, Henry would have been wondering just how hard that spell had his Mabel and if they needed to go to the hospital.) His hands were clenched into fists, and black was stealing across his skin, across his clothing, across him. On his forehead, traced in gold against the black, another eye opened, wide and terrible. His wings unfurled, and as they did, shadows seemed to fly out of them as they beat against the air. The shadows only seemed to multiply, snuffing out the fires and blotting out the light of the moon, until the only light Henry could see was what was coming from the golden tracing on Dipper, and the fire streaming from his eyes.

Dipper spoke and his voice was contained even more echoes than usual, buzzing like a million flies.

“Y͎͎̮͢o̷͖̩̻ù͚̮̩̟͙̠ ͎̼d̹̭̝̗̘a̛̼͍͍̹̠͖̝ṛ̱e̛͉̘͓͎͇͉ ̛̥̼̘t̹̖̫̹͕͎o̪̲̦̲̥̟͠u-“

Zadkiel had obviously read that Evil Overlord list (now in its fifteenth version) because he didn’t give Dipper a chance to finish. He motioned with a hand and Dipper was ripped in half across the torso, spilling golden blood and viscera all across the ground.

Henry threw up and most of it landed on his front, capping off what had been the most awful night of his life so far.

“P̟͖̬̠a̖̤t̠̜̙͠h̶̳͚e̷͎̘̫̰͇ͅt͚̭̦̳i͖̼c̬͖͍ͅ.̢̦͕̬” Zadkiel spat disdainfully. ̭”I͈͖̫͙̻͜ ̴͕̫̩̦̺ͅwi̞̱̹͕͠l͉͙͇̩ļ̱͚ ̯h̷̭͚̦a̗͔̘͔̪̟̬v̸̺̜̝̪̤e̗̰̗ ̷̤͔̞̫̮̟͈f̝̩̻̺u̙̭n͚͚̗͓͎̠ ̨̬̯͖̣͓wͅi͍t̡h̶̗̹̖ y̫̱̺̟̟̼͞ͅòu͖̰ ͠l̟̱̖̺̣͈i̛t͇̻̮̜t͎͇̭̜͜ͅl̜̠͓̠̮̬̣͘ę̱͚̪̜͚ ͢oń̜̜͉̞͈̯e̩͚͎̰͍,̥̩͈̘̘̘ͅ ͟a̲͇̺f͉̩͙̬̥͈t̺̙̜̀é̮͈̮̥̦̝r ͓̩̮̜̠̙I ̻̦͈͍͕̲͖a͓͔͔m̘̩ ̣̳̘̻d̖̗͚͚͇ͅo̠̞͍n̛ę̟͉̰̞͔ ͇̫̪w͎̲̗̯̞͡i͍̥̺͠th̘̫ ̰̯̤̫̟̕t̴h͙̼i̲̞̗̼͠s̮̬̯̯͜ ̳sn̘a͉̞͟c̭̘͖̀k̪̞͙̝̰̕.̫͚́”

No, Dipper couldn’t be dead, could Dipper even die? Would he be okay? Would-

The sound of chuckling, low and dark, building up in to all out laughter, no small amount of madness contained within it. Henry’s head whipped towards where Dipper’s upper half was.

There was Dipper, laughing for all the world like his…oh god like his intestines weren’t spilling onto the ground, like Henry couldn’t see his spine poking out, broken end against the dirt…

Dipper dug his hands into the earth and around them the needles on the pine trees turned to brown, fell to the ground, turned to dust, the branches and trunks withering and decaying and falling before Henry’s eyes.

Suddenly Henry realized that Dipper was sucking the life, the energy from the forest all around him. Even the grass and weeds were withering, turning to brown and then to dust and ash.

As Dipper continued to laugh and the forest continued to wither around them, he wrenched one hand from the ground and crooked a finger. His legs got up and walked over to him, laying themselves on the ground close to Dipper’s torso and that image was probably going going to haunt Henry for the rest of his life.

Absently, Dipper grabbed his lower half and pushed it against his torso. There was a ring of blue fire that blazed up for a second and when it had disappeared, Dipper was back to normal. He snapped and the rope and zip ties that were binding Mabel and Henry disappeared.

“H̟̫͈͠e̜͔͎̲͜n̲̼̰̣̦͓̖r̲͔y̬͕,̴̼ ̗̦̠̥̀t̥̻͔͎̠a̠̞̫͎͇k̻̤e Mabel and go. I got this.”

Any other time Henry would have been inclined to argue but instead he nodded at Dipper and scooped up Mabel in his arms.

Zadkiel motioned to stop Henry but Dipper stood up and did some kind of hand motion that Henry thought couldn’t be entirely seen on this plane and he froze, thought it obviously was costing Dipper to keep him that way; his entire body was shaking with the effort.

Henry took his cue and ran like hell towards the truck.

Amazingly, it was still there. He got Mabel in, and fastened her into the seat.

She was, somehow, still unconscious. Out of the way of danger for a minute, Henry checked her pulse and breathing, trying to remember every bit of first aid he could dredge up from the one course he had to take before starting at the library.

In between wondering if he had smelling salts in the car, Henry heard a sonic boom behind him.

He turned and looked back at the part of the park where he had left Dipper. He couldn’t see Dipper because there were still some trees barely standing, but he knew he was there.

He should get in the car and drive as fast away from La Pine State Park as humanly possible.

Ideally, he should be driving straight to the hospital in Bend, where he knew they had a small magical ward that could determine why Mabel was still unconscious after he had long woken up.

Logically, Henry knew that Dipper was a literal demon, fighting another demon, and the absolute last thing he needed to do was go and see if Dipper was okay.

He looked at Mabel, whose head was flopped over and resting on her chest, drool coming from her motuh.

Mabel would go back for Dipper.

And if Mabel couldn’t do it herself….well, that left Henry to do it.

Unbidden, a verse learned long ago in Sunday School came back to Henry.

“Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away,” the pastor’s voice echoed in his head. “And do not look back.”

Henry went to the driver’s side of the car, and opened the door, putting the keys in the ignition.

Then he grabbed the axe he kept behind the seat and closed the car door, leaving the keys in case Mabel woke up.

Henry made his way back through the woods, easier now that most of the trees had been eaten (was that the right term?) by Dipper earlier.

As he walked by, the ground was littered with the corpses of deer and birds and raccoons and the occasional cultist.

(And he and Mabel had been walking this way not even a few hours ago, and that little box was still heavy in Henry’s jacket)

The air was thick with ash, and the way lit only by the occasional flashes of fire and explosions where he assumed Dipper and Zadkiel were.

It felt like he was walking into Hell.

Finally Henry made it back to the clearing where he and Mabel had been. He hid behind a tree in the one sad little clump that was still standing, and then looked around the trunk.

Dipper looked awful. Gold blood and blue fire dripped from a thousand small cuts all over him, and he was missing his right hand, a stump where a hand should be. (Goddamnit, he should have stayed, he should have helped-)

That being said, Zadkiel was missing two of the ten wings he once had, and one of his mouths was simply gone from his face so Dipper wasn’t completely down for the punch.

Zadkiel blasted a wave of fire at Dipper and despite his best efforts to feint, it still hit him square in the stomach, sending him flying back fifty yards.

“Gi̩͍̖͕͇v͇̪̠e ̖͚̝́i̢t̡͔̩̺̠̺ ͍̖̥̞̩̩̱u̻͓p̡ ͎̳͡w̻̤̜e̴̯̯a̴̠k͇̩͠l̷i̝̹̼̗͡n͔̳̮͖̠g̘̖̹̟,͉” Zadkiel taunted.

Dipper pushed himself up with his wings, turned his head to spit out a tooth. “Never.”

“Sur͏̤̪̩e̴̖̩͎͇ly̺̩̹̳̘ͅ ͓y̢̪̲̣̱̘̯o̵͎͚͇̠̻u̫̯̣̰͙̫ͅ ̝̮̣͟k͓̩̖͕͙̪͝ņ̞̰͈̺̳e͞w̮͚͇͝ ̵̭̣̯yo̢̭̗̪̭̬u̝ ͕̬͟w̫͖̯̬͈ḛ͖̜͚̗͠rẹ ͙̫̯̪́o̹̘̪̭̯̭̜nl͇̮y͚̩ ̞̜'̫͓̣l̨̫͉̱̼̖͖͖i͏v͉̗͚̠̕ͅi͏̺̰͙̪͉n̩g̡͉͙̼̩̣͇'͟ ̗o͙n̮̯̩͓̠ ͓̜̞͔̻̝b̴̰͍̠̹ͅơ̰̦̞̹̱ͅr̪̘̠̣r̯͔̩̦̙͢ͅo͠w̛̭̱͈̫͚̻eͅd̶̯ ̸͎t̟̳̣̮̫̖i̟̫m̦̭͚̭̺ę̩͙̰̠̞̲? ̛̯̬̩̯̭A̫̞͕̲̦͕͔c̷͓̙̦̖c̘̤̗͎͘e͞p̸͖t͖ ̡t̤̝̩̲h͇͙̠e̘̥̞̻̳̗ ͎͘i̹̗̝͜n̻̝e̘̪͚̬v̴i̱̘̘͈t̫͕̭̜́aḅ̥̤͉̲̰l̢̮̖̭̫̥̟e̡̤̺̮.̛̥ ͕̖̜̗̮͈̙͝D̺͉͇̗͎͔i͙̭̘͍͍e̯͟.̰ ̸͙͔̥”

Dipper started walking back towards Zadkiel, who seemed content to let the little upstart come to him, almost as if he was a martial artist letting some noob have a conciliatory first punch at him before the ass whooping.

“No. Never. Not ton͔͉̣̻͇̭i͓͙̮g̩̖ht ̬̟ͅa̳̼̰̟̳͇n͔̪̬̣̙͞d̹̩͉͉͔̻ ̯̠̗̣͚̗̹d͍͈̺͘e͚͚̤f̟̦͇͎̕init̩e̬͈̝̯̤͟ͅl̵͎͈̬̤͇y̬̝̺ ̗̤̩̻̗͔n̢̩̯͎o͎̦̱͎̪̖̟t̻̬̜̙̹̼̬ ̗̫̻̙̩̲́t̢o̩̹͚͉͍̣̝ ̤y̰͇͟o̯u̷̳͚̘̦.̥”͈̘̞̼̜̯͢ͅ

Zadkiel laughed and it made Henry’s ears bleed.

“W͎̯̮̻̫h̶y̛̱͔̰̖̺̩ ̺͖a̯͚̙͕̩̗̪r̫̞̱͖͇e ̠̬̰̦͖̜y̩̼͕o͚͜ù̼ ̺̹͍͔̺ḇ̶͙o̩͈ͅṯ̼̰̼̼he̠̗̥̠̟͚ͅr̳͙̻̲̥̭͞i̶͓̹̤̤̯n̲͍̳͖͞g̢͖̥?̥̗̀ ̞̪̞̹͈̠I͟s͖̩̲͢ ̗i͞t̸͇̱ ̲̯̠͙̺b̫̞̰̹̪ͅe͖̮̩̯̱c̯͕͉̦̝̦̮a̮̱͇̖̰u̗͙̤s͈̜ͅe̤̲͕̪̺̫͚ ̵̜͈y̩̼̖͚̭͕͞o̡̲͉̝̖̰͖̠u̱̟͚̻ ̣̙̠͉ͅca̷̹̭̩̗̗͕͖r̺e͖̣͙͖͓ ̵͍̪̘̳͇̞̹f̛o̵r̩̠͉ ̪̹t̨̺̤h̝͔͇̞̱͙͙o͍̲s̖ȩ̜̹͕̫͔̹ ͏͚̬̮͔̘m̺̯̣ę͓͉̳̪̫̜a̷̯̝͇̞̫͓̞t̻͎̺̱͍ ̠̣͖͇s̴̳͇̻͙ac͈̦͓͜k̴̪̰̬̱ͅs̬̘͎̣̼̪͘ ̸̳̹̭͍̹f̡͖̱̲͓̯ͅr̢͎͙͙͍̳ơ̼̞̮̳̘͙͖m̷͚̜̹ ͓̯é̲̠̫̣̗̰͖a̭͔̦̟͖̪͠r̯̼̮̣͡ĺ͎͍ͅi̧̱̣̦̹͉̰e͓̰̞͎ṛ̶͈̝?̸̦̞̳̲”

Dipper froze.

“Y̯̟͍̤͕͓̪o͓̱̱͓̮̦̖u̦͎̘̝̱͕̪ ̛̩̙̼c̰̻̠a̖͈̯ṉ̪̮͔'̫̜̜͜t̯̯͠ ̢̟̤͖̭ḩ͍̣̩͉i̧̤̬͉̼̣d͍̟͚͓͓̜e̱͇ ̢̰̩͚f̩̪͔͙͈̣r̮͉̭͙͝o̲m͈̲͚͉͉ͅ ̛͙͚̗̯̺m̳̣͔̟̦͖̪̀e̻͍̼̺͕̤ ͇̼̼͈̹͇̬b̞̳̻͎̜̣̣o͈̣̰̩̘͟y͖̼̩̥̣ ̳̹a̰̪̠͓͎̲ǹ͎̱̥̫̳̫̻d̟͇̘̫̫͖̱͝ ̠̭y̹̯͚͇̦o͕̤̝͈͇͉̙u͎̮͎̫̩̣̥ ͇̀c̪̟̣̪̗a̹̟̝̥̙ń̟̰̙͖͙̰̠'̤̦͙̞̪̖͘t ̖͇̹̰h̦̣̳i͎̮̜͉̥̞d̴e͇̮̼̳̪̘̗ ̝̣͍t̝̠̖h̹̖̣̼e̠͍̠͔̼ͅm̤͚̮̫̙̳͓ ̘̺͓͔͠ͅf͓͚̪͢ŕ͇̗ͅo͏̙̘̠̝̝ṃ̢͍̝̯̪̖̹ ̡͉m̶̗e͘;̘͍͝ ̲̞̩̮̩ͅI̼͉̦̗ ͔̤̤ć̺̠a̦̤̖̬n̫̻͙͍̥̯ ̭̥sm̨el͟l̨̲̞̱̱͎͓͚ ̯̬̀y̱ͅo̝u̯̦̖̟ ̮̫͚a̟͇̪͙͉͚ll͎̪̻̠͔͉͘ ̲̫̞̗̝͓o͚̟̤̠̖ve̠̩̞͉̦̝͕͝r̨̩̠̟̺͓̯̱ ̡̬̠͓̬̥̣t͈̩̱͕̘̬̱h̹̲̩̘̼̙͈em͎̱̠̬̝̤͝.̗̙̲͞”

Zadkiel outstretched a hand and looked at the nails and eyes on the hand, inspecting them for sharpness and keenness.

“T̴͎͙̼̥̙͍̞h͇͝e̙̻̙̠͕y̮̰̠͇̬̲ ̛̩̘w̻̘͙̲͝í͖l̘͉̞l̗̤̯̘͓̫͠ ͍̲̝̯͎t̞̹̀a̹͓̻͇̯̹̰s̱̦̤̯̟͡t̮̮̭̤͔̗͙e̲͚̻͚̖ ̙̖s̠͇͈o̦̮͞ ͔g̖̘͈͍̠͙̠͝o̫̹o̺͍̝̰͔̺ͅd͢ ̶̘̗̼͉͔w̸̰̰̩h̨ẹ̷̟n͡ͅ ̥̤͇̪̘͜I̝̯̣͚͓̱̞͢ ̧̦͈h̠͕̭u͚͎͎͓͚ńt͖̜̩̯̗̻̮ ͠t̘̠̗͚̥̩̖h̨̠̰̞̭̙ḛ͍̯̖̙̦́m̧̙̱͇̩̞͙̲ ̦̝̜̬d͍̠͔̹͝o̝͖̟̺̦w͉͓͖͎̦n̨̫̜͇͓ͅ a̷͓̮̣̬̭n̡͈͙̥̠̘̟d͝ ̣͚̤͔ͅma̝͈̳͠k̪̼ͅe͉ ̼̣͖̥̲̝̕ͅţ̠̞͙̺̬̥he̟͇̻̯͙͍͟m̡̘̥̙ ̯͎̹͓̬̦̯͜m̩̬̦i̬͚̗ͅn͓̼̗̲e̢͕̥͉ ̧̟͉a̢nd͍̭̺̠̞̮͞-̱͓͈̼”

Zadkiel was interrupted midsentence by Dipper calmly punching into his chest, grabbing, and then ripping the black beating heart right out of the other demon.

Henry would have puked again if he had anything left to puke up.

Zadkiel’s mouths opened in shock. The winged demon fell backwards, veins snapping as his body fell away from the heart in Dipper’s hands.

Dipper grinned and Henry felt the blood freeze in his veins. That wasn’t the Dipper that he knew, the Dipper that sometimes turned into a five year old to sit with the kids he read to at the library, the Dipper that helped old ladies with their groceries at the store, the Dipper that threw jelly bears at Grunkle Stan because it made him laugh.

The Dipper who was Mabel’s brother was not here right now.

This. This was Alcor, and Henry was fucked.

“Ṭ̜̦̻̠̞h͡ͅḛ̼̯y̨͎̠͇̰̯.̟̮̠̺͍ A͚̦r̮͓̮̫̪͖e̟̖̻͚̹̬.̢ ̴M̴͚̳I͙̬ͅN̸̟E̱̤̯̳͖̹͢ͅ.̖"͏͚ Dipper proclaimed, and ripped a chunk out of Zadkiel’s heart with his teeth and

began to chew on it. Zadkiel screamed and Henry felt like he was dying, every cell in his body shriveling at the sound.

“T͕͇͕h̞͉̳̙͖͚e̹̠̙ͅy a̭͔̣r̩̻̞͜ͅe͝ m̶i̩͍̞͓̞͖n̶e̡̤̥̼̦̩ ̵͇͍͖̫t̹̣̣̀o̫͖̯ ̛͍͚̜̬̞̦̠u̪̗̰̞s͓̟͡e̴͚,͢ ̢͕̗̳̮̳͉͖m̰̫̼̪ḭ̬͓̲̹͢n̵̦͎̫̯̪̝͕e̦͎ ͖͉̹͎͔t̡̖̣̯̻̯̜o͇ ͏̱̠̗̝̥ͅp̥͓̱̟̙͙l̪̟a̛̩͉͉̯̭̺͙y̹̤̞̝͍̜̱ ̜w͟į̰̘̣ț̸̳̲̳̝̪̼h͓͉̦̭,̧̫̗̹ m̲͎̗̻i̢̮̩̠̞̖̺n͏̗e̟̹̲̙͓̠ͅ ̥̤͎̦̖a̭͚̙̘n̰̼̭͙ḏ͎̜̥̟̖̕ ͙͉̲͇͚̭̕h͕̜̬̠o̖͕͚͚̱͞w̬̜̤͓̯̬̠͠ ̮̥̼͓d̘̤̟a̤͇͕̪̦̪r͉̻̤è̖̗̪ͅ ͎̼̦̪͡ͅy͔͖̙o͈̙ư̯ ̜̩ͅt̩͙̤͕͡o̞͔uc͍͚̙̩̘̝ͅh t̮͉͈̜̞̯͡h̜̣̰͠ͅem̩̭͔̘͜?̤̤”

Another bite out of the heart. Another scream from Zadkiel.

“T͍̼͔̞h̦̤̭̺̻̼̜e̫̖̲͍͙̤y̢̱͎̬͙ b̬̜͈̜͕͈̣e͖lo͢n͔̮͉̞͔͈̪g̱̯ ̵̺̲̫̰ͅt͚o ̱̳̰̻̤n̶̜͉̝̞̤͇̮o̹̭ ̫̠o̭̰̜n̶͖͓̣̦̥̘͖e̝̖͕̬̦ ̀e̙l̖͜s̱̩̹̰e̺ ̢̤̻̪b̰͈͟u̜͇̦͈̺ţ̼̥ ̸̻͚̺me̤̣̮̪̠͟ͅ.̨͈” Dipper said calmly, and at that popped the rest of Zadkiel’s heart

in his mouth.

It was a good thing that Henry had spent the last ten minutes getting acclimated to sights and sounds that man was not meant to do, otherwise the scream that ripped from Zadkiel probably would have killed him then and there.

“N̘̻̬o̮̫̠͉͔w̹̝͚.̲̻̹̀.̪͖..͍͓i̡̲̰̞̮̣t̡͎ ̮̗͍͚̝͇̬͜i̢͙s͡ ͡tim͎̘̳e͖̖̤̬͞ ͚̬̻̮̮̀f̦̻̲͡ò̱̭͖͉̖ṟ͢ ̪̳̀ͅy̠̻̱͉̝̖o͇̭̤u̖̟͙͜ t͇͠o͉̙̙͙̯̱͜ ̗̦͟g̠̹̳̯͓͙̮o͈͚̩̟͍̠͖.̮͓͖͔”.

Dipper knelt down, and put both hands (since when had he grown that hand back?) to the earth.

The ground began to shake, small tremors at first, then more and more violently, until Henry had to hold on to the tree to stay stable.

A small crack sprung from Dipper’s hands.

It quickly turned into a big crack.

And then kept growing larger, deeper, the ground splitting into two and eroding away from under Dipper’s hands.

The crack shot towards Zadkiel and he quickly fell into the newly established rent in the earth.

From within the crack a flash of purply-green light shot out, the light that Henry knew from Mabel and Dipper was the kind that came from opening a portal into another world.

The crack wasn’t done growing though. It was shooting faster and faster towards Henry and goddamnit was he really going to die like this, after all that had happened tonight and-

Henry fell on his butt and closed his eyes. After a minute passed and he was decidedly not dead, he opened them.

He was less than two feet from the crack which…which had turned into a new canyon.

Dipper just turned La Pine State Park into a canyon…and now he was cackling, laughing so hard that if he were human Henry would be worried that he would make himself sick. (If Mabel had been there, she would have told him that it sounded like a certain isosceles monster they used to know.)

Henry had never felt so small, so tiny, so insignificant in his life.

He did the only thing he felt he could in this situation, which was to pass the fuck out.

(Years later, when the triplets were seven, Mabel had the grand idea to take everyone to La Pine Canyon State Park. She and the kids had an excellent time hiking up and down the canyon and admiring the river of blood that ran through it. Henry and Dipper mutually decided to camp at the visitors’ center, drink shitty coffee, and wish they were anywhere else but here.)

Chapter Text

"Hey Henry!"

Henry winced slightly. Mabel's voice through the phone not only blasted out an eardrum but had made several of the patrons by him look around for a second for the source of the noise.

Henry surreptitiously turned down the volume on the receiver.

Imminent sonic explosions quelled, Henry said, "what's up Mabes?"

"You doin’ anything after work?"

"Don't think so." Well, technically he was planning on an evening of catching up on some trade magazines and maybe reorganizing Uncle Tyler's bookshelf but he'd definitely rather spend the time with Mabel.

"Me and Candy are going to blow stuff up. Wanna come?"

"Did you say blow stuff up?" 

"Yeah it's going to be great!!"

Henry imagined his girlfriend with explosives. It was probably a terrible idea but he found himself saying, "Sure honey, I'd love to."

"YAAAAAAAAY okay Candy and I will pick you up from Manly Dan's when you get home."

True to her word when Henry got home Candy and Mabel were waiting in Candy's convertible.

"Top down for fun!" Candy cried.

"Top down til sundown!" Mabel joined in. Then they hi-fived. Candy was wearing a pair of beat to hell overalls and a bullet proof vest. Mabel was in head to toe camo… though since this was Mabel, it was camo that she had dyed pink and purple after getting it from the army surplus store. In the backseat there was a large wooden crate that had several burn marks and paint scratches all over it.

Henry wondered what he had gotten himself into.

He found out twenty minutes later when they pulled up to an empty field full of hay bales and random piles of wood and pumpkins a little bit outside of town.

The three of them got out of the car and Mabel and Candy hurried to start unloading the trunk, Henry following after. He peered inside and-

"We are trying some new laser guns today!" Candy proclaimed, having seen the blood drain from Henry's face. "I just got done with them-part magic, part science-"

"ALL EXPLOSION!"

"Yes, thanks Mabel."

Candy dug further in her trunk and then whipped out a long thin sword. "After that, enchanted sword!"

Mabel looked ready to burst with sheer enthusiasm. "Did you bring it? Did you did you did you-“

Candy whipped out a grappling hook, and Mabel let out a high pitched ululation of joy.

Henry didn’t know if his nerves were going to be up to this or not.

(as it turned out, blowing things up with a laser…magic…death ray gun thing was actually quite fun. And it was beyond adorable to see Mabel zipping around the trees)

---

The radio crackled in the truck as Mabel and Henry were on the way to dinner that night.

“Gah! Darn magic storms!” Mabel huffed at the radio.

Henry looked at Mabel with a puzzled look on his face. “Magic storms?”

Mabel gave him an equally puzzled look back. “Yeah, didn’t you learn about them senior year, in your TA class?”

“TA Class?”

“Transcendence Adjustment…they call it something different where you from?”

“Oh. That class. Um…” Henry blushed. “My parents threw a fit and took me out of it. I had study hall instead.”

Mabel was about to say something but Henry went on. “So, magic storms?”

Mabel, bless her, took the hint.

“Yeah, so, um, you know how sometimes the radio or internet or tv just fuzzes out? And you can’t fix it? Even when you yell at the doodad and put glitter on it?”

“Erm, yeah?”

“That’s magic storms. They’re like big waves of magic that you can’t see or feel but Dipper said they’re like sun flares…kind of. Ish.”

Henry smiled. “Magic and science? I bet Dipper talks your ear off about these storms then.”

It was Mabel’s turn for her face to still, and then look away and out the window. Oh shit.

“We don’t have to talk about magic storms anymore; hey look aren’t we almost to La Pine State Park?”

Mabel gave a slight grin.

“No, it’s okay Henry, it’s just a sore subject for Dipper. There are different kinds of storms and they, um, do different things to him. And he hates it and there’s nothing he can do about it. Sometimes he’s so out of it when a storm rolls through he can barely talk or do anything but stare at the wall. Sometimes he can’t control his own magic and things get nuts but not fun nuts and there was that one time when we still lived with mom and dad and…..um, well.”

She looked back out the window and muttered, “And sometimes he loses himself.”

Henry didn’t know what to say to that, other than to reach over and grab his girlfriend (and hopefully by the end of this camping trip, fiancé) by the hand.

They sat in silence for several miles, listening to the sound of the road under Henry’s wheels.  

-------

The last place Henry had expected to get stuck in traffic was on Route 97.

To wit, he had driven three hours south to Klamath Falls for the 88^th Annual Oregon Librarian’s Convention. And while the convention had been highly informative, neither would he have said the sleepy town which it was in was a particularly ‘hopping’ place.

And yet here he was on the Dalles-California Highway, on the part that went over the Upper Klamath Lake, at a complete and utter standstill. No place to turn around or pull over, just Henry and his truck over the water.

He turned on the old radio in the truck, dialing to the traffic information channel on the AM frequency.

“-bzzt reports of a multiple car accident on Route 9bzzzt traffic blocked for miles, delays of up to bzzzzzzt-“

Henry switched back to the FM side of the dial, but every radio station he had listened to on the drive to Klamath had disappeared into a sea of fuzz. Ah. A magic storm then.

He looked out the window, maybe he’d see a majestic eagle, at this point he’d settle for a majestic buzzard and instead got an eyeful of surprise Dipper in the passenger seat.

He was used to at this point Dipper popping up randomly, so Henry only jumped a little in his seat, instead of squeaking or letting out a little scream or passing out like he used to.

“Um, hey Dipper, what’s up?”

Dipper said nothing, which normally wouldn’t worry Henry. He could respect having some quiet time. But Dipper’s eyes were completely blown, all burning gold, and no warm black. There were blue and gold sparks constantly flying off of him. His fingers were clenched into claws, twitching, and his claws were digging into his palms, leaking golden blood onto Dipper’s lap and the car seat of Henry’s truck. The very around him seemed to shimmer and glitch, like Dipper’s very presence was warping reality itself.

“Dipper? Is everything okay?”

"Óh Ì'm̶ ̷fi̢n̶e. Ju̶s̷t cleanèd̶ o͠u͘t ano͡t͘he̢r ͞c̸ul̴t ̢an̶d̛ the͞n ͘c͞aḿe̡ ̀h̛e̵r̢e͡ ͠s̀ince͘ ̷t͟h͢e͝r͝e was ́a ̕tin͢ǵle͞ i͟n͠ tḩe a͡ir͝."

Henry opened his mouth and the words that came out were “Cleaned out?” and he knew immediately he was going to regret it.        

Dipper laughed, and it was like the rasp of chainsaws against Henry’s ears.

“Oh̴ ̷m̢an, ̷i͠t wàs͝ ̢g͢rea͏t!̕ T̛h̶e̕ý br͟ou̕ght͜ mé t̨h͞ere ̴and ̵t́h͢en ̧w̶a̕n̸t̀e͜d̛ ̴me̛ t͠o c̡ru͡sh our en͞em̴i̢es. O̸u͞r͠! T͏ho͠se fuck̴wit̢s n͏ev̕er leaŕn and͡ it͜ ̷is e̶x͞ce̵l͜lent͞.”

Henry noticed that there was still a complete lack of majestic eagles over the lake to conveniently look at.

“O̧f ̧cou̶rse ͟I d͜evòu̢red͢ th̵eir so͘u͢ls.”

The part of Henry that apparently had no fucking survival instinct and was exacerbated by social anxiety and complete terror managed to squeak out “Souls?”

Dipper grinned at him and Henry could see behind his front set of teeth that there seemed to be another set, like a shark. Had he ever noticed that before? Or how razor sharp each tooth (fang) seemed to be?

“Oh ̛y̷ȩs.̢ Though I͝ ̵did̢n͠'̶t̕ st͟art wi̷th tho̢s͠e̴. I͝ ẃe̷n̨t fo̴r ͠s̸o͝m̶et̵h́i̶n͠ǵ.̷..̛.m̡eati͜er͘.”

It was amazing the lack of movement on the highway, the way the air was rippling in the car like waves on the water.

“B͢u̷t͜ ͝re̸a͢l̕ly, ͏f̸or̕ ̢fo͏od͡,͞ y̴ou̡ can'͠t b͜eat̶ ̸the ͘soul. ̀I̛t͘ ̡t͞a͢s͜t̸e̷s abso͢lut̸e͟ly͢ ͟a̛m͠a͞źi̵n̛g!”

Henry’s brow furrowed despite himself (no, NO curiosity now is not the time-)

“But don’t you need a contract to take a soul?”

Dipper laughed again, and out of the corner of his eye, Henry saw dead fish suddenly bob up to the surface of the lake.

“De͜al? A̸ ͞de̢a̢l?̨ O̴h̨ ̷deal͜s̶ ͡a͟ŗe͜ ̸wo̕nderf̛ul̛ ͟but-“

Dipper’s hand suddenly shot out and touched Henry’s chest and his voice grew quieter.

“I don’t need them.”

Dipper’s claws pricked through the thin cloth of Henry’s shirt, and Henry froze, his heart suddenly racing.

“I can smell the fear on you you know?” Dipper conversationally mentioned, and crooked his fingers.

Henry was confused for a second; in the reflection of the mirror Dipper’s hand hadn’t moved from the position they were in.

But it felt…oh god it felt like his fingers were digging into Henry’s chest but there was no blood, how was there no blood?

Dipper’s hand closed around his soul. Henry wasn’t sure how he knew that was what was happening, but he knew, knew it down to his bones and the rapid fluttering beating of his heart.

“Your soul is beating against my hand like a bird in a cage,” Dipper mocked. “What’s wrong? S̱̜̭͂̿͞c͇̤̩̙͂ͪ̋ͦ͐̀ͧa̻̯͖̦̹͔͙ͧͦ̆ͣr̢̺̐̿̌̃ͭe͐̓̃̅̊̔ͧ͟ḓ̤̞̼͖̔?̲̫̻͖̪̦ͅ”

Henry couldn’t speak, couldn’t move, could do nothing as he sat in traffic and a demon clutched his essence in his hand and

Dipper squeezed and the world around Henry flickered, black ringing his vision, the colors of the cars and road and lake around him bleeding away and leaving everything grey, except for the blue and yellow coming off of Dipper’s hand on his chest. Distantly in the background, the radio continued to buzz and pop.

“I wonder….” Dipper mused. Suddenly he wrenched his hand upwards and Henry let out a scream, as Alcor pulled the soul from his body.

He pulled Henry’s soul towards his mouth, towards the fangs. "I͈̝̯̭̻͖̝ ̪w͚͇͟o͈͇̣̬̫̳̞n͏d̞͎͕̫̯̱͠e̟̝͓̗̗̯̬r̯ ̸i̯f ̣̭̱̜̻͝ͅI̖͍͇̤͔͖͔ ̘̪c͇͎̣̲͠a͖̞̮̠͎̹̼͟ń̪͈͍̲̮͎͇ ̵̙̘t̖a̗̘͕͓͈̬̻͞s̡̖̼̭͎̭ţ͎̳͍̺̦̜ḙ̞̰͚͈̲̮́ ̪y̟͢o͔̖̯̩̹u̵̲͉͖͓̪̰r̩̺̪̹͜ ͓͇̩f͘e̠ͅa̯͚̱͕̕ŗ͙̬̺̜ ͚̹̤̟a̙̮͉s w̧̰̤̺̰e̼̟̝l͈͈͙͓͝l͓̘̪͢?̥̖͙̙̩”

Paralyzed, all Henry could do was watch as Alcor brought the strangely glowing misty ball that was his soul (and in any other situation he would have found this quite interesting) to his mouth, watch as the demon’s tongue darted out and Henry felt as if from at a far remove all of his skin break out into goosebumps, tears wrench from his eyes and a cold sweat break out on him. The only real thing at this moment in time was the heavy fast thud of his heart.

He felt like an ant, like a speck, like nothing, as the demon tasted his soul and Henry was sure his death was at hand.

Aerosmith began to blast in the car.

The magic storm had passed.

The black began to bleed back into Dipper’s eyes, and he shook himself, as if waking up. “Henry? What, what are y-?”

He saw the look on Henry’s face, looked down to see what was in his hand.

“Oh no,” Dipper groaned, and quickly but gently moved his hand over to Henry’s chest, and pushed his soul back in.

It felt like five buckets of cold water had been dunked on him and Henry gasped.

Meanwhile, Dipper kept on muttering. “No, no, no, no͇̹̱ ̞̜͇͔̯̬n̺̬͍͍͕o̜̫͚ ͔̜͚N͍̳̠̖̙O̥͇̯ͅ.̤͉͕͇͇̫̙͠”

As suddenly as he appeared he disappeared again.

Henry sat in shock, and only after a minute registered the sound of honking around him. Traffic had begun to move.

Henry drove until he got off the bridge. Then he pulled over to the side of the road, ran to the lakeshore, and threw up. He knelt down to the water, and splashed some of it onto his face. It was absolutely frigid and Henry felt better afterwards. Instead of getting up and back into his truck, Henry continued to sit on the shore, looking out over the lake.

He pulled out the little box that he still had on him from the first abortive attempt at proposing to Mabel a few weeks ago. He opened it to see the ring contained within. It was Mother Corduroy’s third wedding ring, a large square opal set in a silver setting. The light caught it as he had taken it out and threw rainbows everywhere.

Mabel was going to love it when he finally gave it to her.

Henry paused.

Was he going to give it to her?

He hated even thinking that but, well… It wasn’t that he didn’t love Mabel. He loved her so fiercely that it surprised him sometimes, the amount of love he felt for this short woman who trailed glitter and wore oversize sweaters and had no inside voice whatsoever. He would do anything for her, anything she wanted or asked for, Henry would give it to Mabel even if it killed him to do it.

But he had seen enough marriages fall apart in his life to know that love didn’t cure everything, didn’t make all of your problems go away.

And that when you married someone, you weren’t just marrying them, but entering their family as well.

Dipper. It all came down to Dipper. And Henry hated thinking that, but for better or worse, Dipper would always be a part of Mabel’s life, and by extension if he married Mabel, his life as well.

Unbidden, Henry remembered the feel of Dipper’s fingers digging into his chest, the feeling of being a mouse grasped within the claws of an eagle right before being crushed to death.

Dipper reading to the kids for story time at the library, without Henry even asking, just because he wanted to.

Dipper laughing as a demon died at his feet and a canyon sprung from his hands.

Dipper feeding the cats by his house when he thought no one was looking.

Dipper with blood around his mouth as he gave Henry an inside out squirrel.

Henry buried his face in his hands.

He had no idea what the fuck he was going to do.

Henry didn’t know how long he sat on the beach, tears occasionally streaking his cheeks, mind in a constant back and forth between one option or the other, between breaking the heart of the woman he loved or having his soul devoured by a literal fucking demon.

He had been on the beach for what seemed like hours but was probably more like forty-five minutes when Dipper showed up.

This time Dipper looked normal. More than normal even. He was wearing a red-brown shirt, a blue vest, and denim shorts.

“Hey,” Henry finally managed to say, even though his throat was drier than a desert.

“Hey,” Dipper responded.

Henry looked out over the water, to the majestic eagles flying overhead who had taken their sweet fucking time to appear.

He felt his heart race yet again, his muscles tense hard as rocks. An eye flick over to Dipper revealed that Dipper was looking neither left, nor right, but straight ahead, at a very interesting piece of wood bobbing on the lake.

“So….um….,” Dipper finally said, breaking the tension.

“Yeah,” Henry agreed, unable to look fully at the brother of his girlfriend.

The silence continued for another second, then finally Dipper managed to squeak out, “Sorry?”

Henry was never a hot tempered man, and even if he had been, living with his father for eighteen years had taught him the importance of controlling one’s temper.

Henry snapped.

“Sorry? Dipper, I….I….sorry isn’t going to cut it here!”

Dipper looked like he had been slapped (but considering that he had never heard Henry use an exclamation point before, he may as well have been.)

“I…”

“How do I know that you won’t do this again?”

Dipper looked pained. “You don’t.”

“How can I trust you again?”

“You can’t.”

“How do I know that you won’t hurt Mabel like that?”

At this Dipper finally reacted.

“I would never, eve͜r̢, hurt ͡M̛ab͜e̴l͠. E̽͑v̂̏͗͋ȩ̍̉́̈r̵̍͗ͯ̃̓.̇̇ͮ̓͌ͫ͑ ͗̏̓͂”

Henry pushed back. “How do I know that? How can I know that? Dipper, I literally felt like I was going to die today.”

“I….I…..” Dipper trailed off, unable to go on. A pile of pebbles appeared out of the ether next to his hand, and he began to throw them into the lake.

Henry sighed. “Dipper, I know…I know what happened today wasn’t entirely your fault. But how can I know that you won’t hurt Mabel when you’re like that? You lost control today-how can I trust you again?”

“You…you can’t,” Dipper admitted, still not looking at Henry.

He tossed another rock into the lake. “But….you and Mabel…I need you two. I need you to keep me here. I need you to remind me that I’m human. I need you to keep me sane.”

Dipper looked at Henry and there were tears in his eyes. “I love Mabel. I love you. And I would be a monster without you two.”

Henry felt close to tears himself, but somehow found the strength to say, “Dipper…Dipper, that’s…that’s not enough man. I’m sorry but, just…”

He reached over, grabbed a stone from Dipper’s pile, and tossed it into the lake.

“I don’t know if that’s enough,” Henry finished.

Dipper nodded. “I know.”

They sat in silence for another minute or two on the shore of the lake, skipping and tossing pebbles across the surface of the lake.

Finally, Dipper said, “I…I may lose myself. But I would never, ever, ever hurt you or Mabel. You two…you two are my anchor. I could never harm you all.”

Dipper pulled out oh fuck a knife from nowhere (not seemingly nowhere. Literally nowhere.)

He took the knife and slit his palm, and oh god what about his nerve endings, didn’t Dipper know the damage he was doing to his hand right now.

Dipper extended his hand, and let some of the blood drip into the sandy dirt between the two of them.

“On my blood, and on my Name, do I swear that I would never, truly, hurt Mabel or you.”

Some mad, crazy part of Henry made him reach out, grab the knife from Dipper’s unresisting hand, and prick the tips of his fingers. Surely he had to be insane because this was a demon in front of him, a demon who had tried to eat his soul not an hour before. This was crazy but….but well. He loved Mabel. In his head over this past year he couldn’t help but view Dipper as the sibling he had never had before.

He grabbed Dipper’s bloody hand, not saying anything, but knowing that his actions were important, that this was important, the mingling of blood together, this binding between the two of them.

Nothing more was said as Henry’s blood joined Dipper’s in soaking the dirt below them. It was going to be some time before Henry really could trust Dipper, fully and truly.

But he felt confident once again that he could call this man, eventually, his brother.

Henry really hoped that he wouldn’t regret this.

-----------

They were sitting in the living room, him and Mabel and Stan and Dipper, watching the Used to Be About History Channel.

A commercial break came on, and Henry exclaimed “Oh, there’s something odd on the floor.”

Mabel went to get off the couch, but Henry waved her off.

“I got it sweetie.”

He got off the couch, and onto the floor of the Shack, then turned back to face Mabel. He took a box out of the pocket of his flannel shirt, and opened it up, revealing a square cut opal ring.

“Mabel, I love you. I want to be with you forever. Will…Will you marry me?”

The popcorn Dipper was eating dropped both out of his hand and his mouth. Stan took off his glasses and simply looked at Henry. And Mabel….

Mabel was just staring at him, mouth completely agape.

Finally, Henry got the courage to say, “Um, Mabel…if, if you aren’t ready or you don’t want to that’s fine-“

Mabel got off the couch, motioned until Henry stood up next to her, and then jumped up into his arms. Henry caught her readily and Mabel kissed him, fully and deeply for a minute.

When they broke for air, amidst the sounds of Dipper and Stan gagging, Henry asked, “Is that a yes?”

In response, Mabel immediately dropped to the floor, and began to roll in circles, ululating wildly, screaming loud enough to make the windows of the Shack shake with her joy.

Simultaneously, Dipper jumped up and grabbed Henry and began to weep, leaking yellow burning tears into his sweater, and clinging to him so tight that he could barely breathe.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Stan, tears at the corner of his eyes, but still yelling, “Calm the fuck down the two of you! Holy shit, like either of you hadn’t been expecting this for the last five months. Kids…Mabel, sweetie, my ears, seriously.”

Henry, caught between a sobbing demon, a cantankerous old man, and a sobbing, screaming girlfriend, decided that it was probably a safe bet to take this as a ‘yes.’

Chapter Text

“-and that’s what happened the last time Dip and I went home.”

Henry reached across their table to grab her hand. They were at a little Italian restaurant that had just opened in a building that was the literal shape of a club, like on a playing card. Henry still had a hard time believing this town some times.

He ran his fingers across Mabel’s hand, conveying comfort with the press of fingertips across her knuckles. They had only been going out for a month but….

But he was beginning to think that he loved the woman in front of him who had a minute ago showed him how she could eat spaghetti through her nose.

Mabel smiled, shaking off the sad sour expression from her face.

“Arrgh womp womp! Enough about me. Well, I mean, I know you can never have enough of me buut-“

Henry laughed.

Yeah. He loved her. “I just…man Mabel, I can’t believe you still keep in touch with them.”

She beamed up at him, seventeen rainbow barrettes in her hair and crocheted sweater dress with a narwhal jumping over the moon.

“I’m just that good,” she said smugly and Henry laughed.

Her face became slightly pensive. “You know, I don’t think you’ve said anything about your parents Henry.”

“I haven’t,” Henry said. Mabel flinched and fuck that came out sharper than he meant.

He took a deep breath, and squeezed Mabel’s hand. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“If you don’t want to talk about them, it’s okay,” Mabel said in response.

Did he love her?

He did.

“No….no, I should tell you. You should know if we’re going to keep going out,” he managed to get out.

Mabel said nothing, only shifted a bit so that she was the one holding his hand now rather than him holding hers.

“Um. So. My dad’s name is Arnold and my mom is Rita,” he began and trailed off.

“How are you related to Wendy and Manly Dan?” Mabel asked gently.

“Uncle Dan and my dad are brothers. Uncle Dan’s the second youngest, and Dad’s one older than him-“

“How many aunts and uncles do you have?”

Henry paused, counted on his hands for a minute, did some quick math.

“Well, my dad is one of eight; seven brothers and one sister. Now, including aunts that my uncles are currently married to, and aunts that they’ve divorced…um, twenty seven?”

Mabel’s jaw dropped.

“And as for first cousins I think last time I checked I was at forty. Now, if we’re counting first cousins once removed-“

“We don’t even have any cousins,” Mabel managed weakly.

It was Henry’s turn to stare at her blankly.

“Really?”

“Really really bo feely weely.”

Henry was almost tempted to let the conversation devolve from there but no, he needed to be honest with her.

“So….my parents and I don’t really get along.”

Mabel to her credit, didn’t say anything, just waited for Henry to gather the strength to go on.

“Well, my mom and I talk a bit. We don’t really get each other. Mom spends most of her day doing stuff for the church, and she let my dad do whatever with me. But we can manage most days. Dad and I…we….we just don’t.”

The waiter came by, and Mabel took the opportunity to order two more glasses of wine. The wine came out quickly, and Henry went on.

“My dad wanted a son who would spend his days chopping down trees, his nights chasing tail, and spending the moments in between fighting and drinking. He got me instead.”

Mabel said nothing, but moved so that she was sitting next to Henry in the booth, rather than across from him.

He felt awful but it helped to keep telling her all of this when he could look down at their entwined hands rather than her eyes, feel the warm weight of her against him.

“He’d rip books from my hands if he caught me reading. Only fags read so much, you know? He taught me how to cut down a tree and fish, and he’d spend forty five minutes ripping me a new one if he thought I was spending too much time on my homework. He didn’t want a sissy for a son. But he got one any way.”

He looked down, took another deep breath, and then went on.

“When I was seven, I found a kitten in the woods on my way home from school. I brought it home with me. I called her Lilly. I wasn’t going to keep her, I knew better, even then. But I at least wanted to get some food in her before finding a home for her. I had left her in the living room to get some milk and when I came back….”

Henry reached out to his wine glass, and drained it in one go.

“My dad had found her, and tossed her in the lake. Then he beat me. Only time he ever did. But once was all he needed to do.”

Mabel looked up at Henry, her eyes full of tears. Then she burrowed her head in his chest and proceeded to give him the biggest, most rib cracking hug he had ever gotten in his life.

He wrapped his arms around her, so, so grateful to have her next to him, to have her support, to have her in his life.

“Dad didn’t want me to go to college, told me no son of his would drain his money to get some stupid piece of paper.”

Henry barked out a laugh. “The best moment of my life until I met you was telling him to fuck off before I walked out of that door and drove to Corvallis.”

Mabel’s head shot up to look at him.

“Wait. What?”

Henry smiled.

“You heard me.”

Mabel buried her face back in his chest. “Henry, I don’t want to smile right now because I want to go find your dad and rip the skin from his body and throw him in a lake, but that’s the sweetest thing anyone has said to me ever.”

Henry blushed and before he knew it, he blurted out, “I love you.”

Mabel froze, every muscle quivering and taut under him.

She looked up at him again.

And then began to bawl, pounding a small fist against his chest, and saying something that he thought was “I love you too my beautiful moose man,”….but it was hard to tell through the sound of her tears and snot.

Henry felt wrung out, like he had been pummeled with rocks and then drank a bottle of Tabasco, but this was probably one of the best dinners of his life.

Chapter Text

“I’m….Mabes, I’m kind of scared.”

Mabel squeezed his hand as they saw a blue pickup truck, tricked out and on jacked up wheels make its way up the long winding drive to the Mystery Shack.

It had been Mabel’s idea to invite his parents over for dinner. “The wedding’s going to be in two months and I haven’t even met them yet,” she had told him last week while they were washing dishes together.

“For good reason,” Henry muttered, suddenly intent on scrubbing dried off cheese from the plate under his hands.

Mabel placed a soaking wet hand on his back. “I know Henry, I know. But….they’re still your parents. And I’m your fiancée. And soon I’ll be their daughter in law. I’d like to meet them, at least once.”

Henry was silent.

A large part of him was screaming at him that this was a terrible idea.

But there was a small, traitorous part of him…that wanted his parents to meet Mabel. That thought, “things weren’t really that bad.” That hoped that maybe their relationship could be, if not repaired, at least less acrimonious.

“We can have them come here,” Mabel said. “So they’re in your home, and we’re not in theirs.”

Henry smiled. “So I can call the Shack home now?”

Mabel buried her face into Henry’s side. “The Shack was your home from the first day you stepped in goofy.”

Henry shook his head clear of the memory as the truck made its way up the final stretch of the drive, rolling to a stop in front of the Shack with a final back fire of black smoke from the engine pipes that crawled up the cab.

Henry’s mom was the first to get out of the truck, looking suspiciously at the massive sign on top of the shack. Rita Corduroy was dressed in a denim skirt that went to the ground, a red, long sleeved blouse, and her mass of greying brown hair was done into a bun on top of her head. Like Henry, she wore glasses, and what little of her skin that was exposed was covered in freckles.

A massive man got out of the driver’s seat. Arnold Corduroy was only an inch or two shorter than Henry, and was larger in build than Manly Dan. He had thick curly red hair and a massive red beard, overalls covering an incongruous polo shirt that Mabel had a feeling that his wife talked him into wearing.  His hands were as large as dinner plates, his nose and eyes shot with broken blood vessels from years of yelling and drinking, and just at the sight of him Henry felt like he couldn’t breathe, every muscle gone tense with worry.

Arnold looked over at Henry and Mabel and frowned. He slammed the door of the truck hard enough to make it shake and Mabel felt Henry flinch at the sound. Suddenly she knew, sure as she knew how many freckles were on Henry’s left foot, how this night was going to end.

-----

“So…Maple?”

Mabel smiled and it didn’t reach her eyes. “Mabel, Mrs. Corduroy.”

“Yes, Maple, what is it that you do exactly?”

Next to Mabel, Henry stiffened slightly. It was only the four of them tonight, Stan and Dipper having graciously agreed to make themselves sparse for the evening. They had both agreed beforehand to not mention either Dipper or the hunting because Henry was damn sure a mention of either wouldn’t end well.

Mabel poked her mashed potatoes with her fork.

“I run my own business and help Grunkle Stan with the Library!”

Rita’s eyes narrowed at the mention of the Library, but went on.

“And are you planning on stopping when you two have children? Children require a mother’s whole attention, you know.”

Yes, Mabel thought to herself, when it’s convenient for you, until it comes time to stand up for your son and then you flip sides at the drop of a hat. 

Aloud all she said was, “Well, no, but that’s because I’m already at home most of the time! It’ll be like I’m taking the babies to work but better because we’re home already!”

Mabel gave her biggest grin to Rita, and shoved a forkful of potatoes into her mouth.

Arnold grunted through a mouth full of food.

“Working with Dan boy?” he asked Henry. “He’s a queer, but at least he still chops wood, like a real Corduroy.”

Henry looked steadily at his plate, focusing all of his attention on cutting his steak.

“No Dad, I’ve got a job already. I thought Mom told you about it?”

Rita made a tittering sound which Mabel figured out after a second was supposed to be a laugh. Of some kind.

Henry’s mother took a sip of her milk and said, “Oh no Henry, I thought you told your father already, otherwise I would have mentioned it.”

Henry sighed. He knew damn well that he had mentioned it to his mother, just like he had told her once a month about his progress in his Library Sciences degree, why he was moving to Gravity Falls and...he needed to stop.

Under the table, Mabel’s hand squeezed his knee, and he took strength from Mabel’s reassurance.

Arnold had said nothing the whole time while his wife and son talked, just continued to suck food off the plate and into his mouth.

Henry squared his shoulders, and tried to remind himself that he was an adult, and taller than his dad so if something got started…

“I work at the town library, Dad,” he said calmly (and only Mabel could feel him shaking slightly in his chair.)

Arnold grunted. “As the handyman?”

Henry resisted with long practice the urge to roll his eyes.

“No, as a librarian dad.” Some stupid fragment of hope in him felt compelled to further say, “Though I do end up doing most of the handy work since we can’t afford anyone else to do it and I’m the youngest worker there.”

His father’s brow furrowed and Henry tried his best to ignore the sharp pains erupting in his stomach.

“What kind of fag job is that?”

“A good paying one, as the wife of my boss, Mr. Hagesawa, would let you know,” Henry replied.

The snark sailed over his dad’s head like it usually did, and Arnold did nothing but put more food in his mouth. A few of Henry’s muscles unclenched. Next to him, Mabel had gone white, and he felt terrible that she had to see this, see how rotten his roots were.

His father waved a fork at him. “You’re weak boy. You stay inside all day, your hands are probably softer than your mother’s, and you read?” He reared up to spit, but a noise from his wife stopped him at the last minute. “You embarrass me.”

Mabel had had enough. She pushed away from the table and stood up, pointing a finger at Mr. Corduroy.

“Now you listen here! Henry is the best man I know! And so what if he’s a librarian? So what if he doesn’t do what you want him to?”

Arnold had stood up as well, looming over Henry’s diminutive fiancé. Rita was tugging on his shirt to sit back down, just as Henry was squeezing the part of Mabel’s leg that was hidden from sight. Both were ignored by their partners.

Henry’s father looked scornfully at him. “You need your woman to stand up for you? Pathetic! I-“

Mabel’s hands slammed on the table.

“HEY! I wasn’t done talking to you!”

Arnold’s eyes narrowed. “Women like you forget your place.”

Now Henry had stood up, and his mother was about to tear a hole in his dad’s overalls from all the yanking she was doing, but Arnold and Mabel were focused only on each other.

“What kind of dad treats his son like that? Henry is so wonderful, and so awesome, and he does so much for me and my family and everyone else in town! And you treat him like garbage, like a…a…a big, stinky dunderhead dumbpants!”

“Girl, you’re trying my patience.”

Before Henry could move, Mabel stomped her foot. “Well so are you! I don’t ever want to hear you talk about Henry like that again!”

Arnold leaned across the table to glare at Mabel. “Or else what?”

Mabel leaned in just as much. “Or else I take my bat to your stupid truck outside and break a window.”

Henry sucked in a breath. If there was one thing it could be said that his father loved, it was his F-450 pickup truck that he had spared no expense in detailing and tricking out.

His dad’s patience, which had never been long to begin with, snapped.

He pulled an arm back. “You fucking bitch­-“

His arm sailed in the air but before he could hit Mabel in the face, his fist landed in an open hand with a heavy smack.

Arnold looked to see that Henry had stretched his arm out in front of Mabel.

“You both need to leave. Now. And I don’t want to see either of you at the Shack again,” Henry said coldly.

Arnold opened his mouth to retort, to fight back, but something in Henry’s gaze made him quail.

He looked at his wife. “Come on Rita. Let’s get out of this shit hole.”

-------

As soon as Henry had seen that both his parents had left, he turned and swept up Mabel, who had come from inside to make sure he was okay, into a massive hug. He was shaking head to toe as he buried his face in her hair.

“Henry, Henry, it’s okay, it’s alright-“ she tried to soothe as she ran her hands through his hair.

A tear dropped from his face into her hair. “No, that wasn’t alright. You should have never had to have seen that. I’m so sorry Mabes.”

Mabel smiled weakly.

“Well, I did kind of start a fight-“

Henry squeezed her tighter. “Please, please don’t say that. That implies that there is fault on your end and…”

He took a deep breath.

“Tonight was on them, not on you. Never on you.”

She wiggled a bit so she could look him in the eyes.

“What did your mom say to you before she left the kitchen?” Mabel asked.

Henry’s eyes shut as his mother’s voice rang in his mind again.

“I’ll pray for you Henry,” she had whispered, slipping a pamphlet into his hand, before following his dad out into the night.

His eyes opened, looked down at his fiancé, thought about her family who had been more of a family to him in the two years he had known them than his own had been in his entire life.

“Nothing important. Hey, while I’m thinking about it, you know that talk we had last week about last names?”

Mabel’s brow furrowed suspiciously at the change in topic but she nodded.

“Yeah, why?”

“How do you feel about me taking your name?”

Chapter Text

As Henry explained to the triplets when they asked years later, he had never officially moved in to the Shack. He had never asked and Mabel had never offered. It was just assumed that it would be a thing that happened. 

So by the first month of them going out Henry had a toothbrush in Mabel’s bathroom, and some of his underwear and socks in a small folded pile on a chair in her room. Five months and some of his favorite books had found their way onto various side tables and shelves. His stays went from overnight to two or three nights, to a week at a time, and Uncle Tyler constantly giggled at him and told him to “Get it!” (Which in turn made both Henry and Uncle Dan blush.)

Henry went ahead and moved the remainder of his stuff into the Shack three days after he proposed to Mabel, when a brand new room appeared overnight on the side of the Shack.

The four of them looked at the new extension to the cabin in shock. It wasn’t anything pretty. Instead of logs there was cheap vinyl siding, and a tin roof instead of shingles like the rest of the Shack. But as far as Stan and Henry could tell the walls and roof were sound. Inside the room it was clean and smelt of new paint. They were greeted in the room by a massive pine four poster bed with matching dresser. Curtains with tiny axes and stars fluttered in the breeze of the open window. Mabel looked at Dipper who looked pale as bone.

“Dipper, thank y-”

Dipper interrupted. “It….this wasn’t me!” he breathed, shaking his head. 

Stan barked out a laugh. “Sure kid, but yanno, there’s no need to be modest.”

“Seriously! I swear! I don’t know how this happened! I… I…-”

Dipper blipped out of existence, probably to have an existential crisis that there was something that he didn’t know how to explain. 

Mabel reached over, grabbed Henry’s hand, who was feeling pretty dumbfounded himself.

“Guess the Shack really loves you!” she said cheerfully. “Wanna go get your stuff?”

——–——————-

A week later, Henry was sorting out old books and grimoires in the Library when he heard a thunk from the attic. He sat up, stretching and rolling his neck as he did. The organization in here was an absolute nightmare and while he didn’t begrudge doing this for Stan and Mabel, he was glad for a break. Especially since he was five seconds away from finding Stan and explaining why one didn’t repair broken book spines with duct tape or leave half full coffee cups all over the shelves.

When he made his way up the stairs, he was greeted by the sight of his fiancé bent over a massive wooden chest, with only her legs visible, light up sneakers kicking in the air.

“Mabel?”

She threw herself backwards out of the trunk, dust in her hair and caterpillars all on her face. In her arms were several purple and green and yellow books.

“Hey Henry! You came up here just in time!”

Bemused, he walked closer to see what she had in her hands.

“Oh?”

Mabel beamed at him and Henry felt his heart do a little flop.

“Now that we’re engaged it’s time to start planning! So I brought out my trunk of wedding scrapbooks! I’ve been working on these babies since I was six!”

Henry felt his stomach do a little flop.

She put down the books gently on the floor, and opened one of them at random. A puff of glitter poofed into the air and Mabel giggled as glitter rained on her hair and face.

“This one is from seventh grade!” She tilted the book for Henry to see the open pages, and Henry caught a glimpse of pasted in magazine articles, messily drawn pictures on scrap paper, bits and pieces of fabric in a riot of colors.

“How many of these do you have again?” Henry asked, eyeing the trunk.

“Twenty four!”

She looked down and blushed.

“Do you want to go through them with me?” Mabel asked. “I mean, you don’t have to and-“

“Sure.”

A big grin broke out on Mabel’s face, and she launched herself at Henry, wrapping him into a hug.

“Ohmygosh this is going to be soooooo awesome! I’ve… I’ve never had a boy want to look at these before.”

Henry wasn’t sure if he could take looking at twenty four arts and crafts explosions in book form, but for Mabel, and the smile on her face, he would do anything.

Even, as they went through the pages, listen to Mabel’s hard sell about having Henry wear a forest green tail coat.

———————

“Grunkle Stan?”

Stan looked up from the TV, which had somehow mysteriously tuned itself toAway with the Gale without him doing anything (that was his story and he was sticking to it.)

“Yeah kiddo?”

In the doorway, Mabel twirled a piece of hair around one of her fingers and looked down at the ground. If Stan didn’t know his niece better, he would have said that it was almost like Mabel was nervous.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Whadya want?”

Mabel came across the room and over to his recliner. She was too big to sit on the back of the chair now, like she first did all those years ago, so she sat on the floor next to him instead. Mabel’s head bumped into the armrest as she settled down, her hair brushing against his arm.

Looking at the black and white figures dance and speak in exaggerated fake accents on the television, Mabel asked “Will you marry Henry and me?”

Stan, who had been taking a drink from his can of warm Bud Lite, did a spit take. After he finished wiping beer off of his face and neck, he asked “Aren’t you having a chuppah? With a rabbi and all that?”

Mabel didn’t look up from the screen. “I’ve not gone to synagogue since we were twelve, and Henry and his parents and just…” She trailed off, trying to think of how to go on.

“We just want it to be us, and our family, and our friends. Nothing else and no one else other than the people we love.”

His niece looked solemn for a second more, then brightened up. “I mean, I’m still going to walk around Henry and I’m making the most awesome chuppah ever and I don’t think we’re gonna do the Sheva Brachot, but I’d like everyone in the wedding party to say their own blessing and Henry is gonna stomp on a light bulb so it pops real good and we’re gonna have a hora even though Henry is really tall and-“

Stan held up a hand, before Mabel passed out from lack of breath and overexcitement.  

“Why me?”

Now Mabel looked at him, a look on fond exasperation on her face.

“Who else would we pick? I love you Grunkle Stan and there’s no one else I want to marry us than you, silly billy!”

Stan’s throat was tight for some reason, and the only reason his eyes were watering was because of watching TV in a dark room. And if he told himself that enough, he’d believe both.

“I-“

Mabel looked straight into his eyes and gave him her best sad puppy impression.

“Grunkle Stan, please?”

Stan was a hard man. He had chewed his way out of the trunk of a car, been to prison in seven countries, put men in the ground and endured the bathing habits of a twelve year old boy.  Yet in the face of his niece….

“Ugh, fine, alright kid, I’ll marry you two. Don’t expect anything fancy but gaak-“

Mabel had launched herself up off the ground and up at him. She probably thought she was hugging him but honestly she was throttling him.

His hands rested on her back, and while he would have denied it to all and sundry, Stan held her as tight as she was holding him.

Finally she let go and Stan of course had to get the last word.

“You know, I have some robes I could pull out for the wedding,” he said nonchalantly.

Mabel looked at him askance. “What do you mean?”

Stan puffed out his chest. “I am an ordained minister.”

“Grunkle Stan you’re lying!” Mabel said, giggling and punching his puffed out chest.

Stan winced. “No I am! In the Church of the All Seeing Green Eye!”

Maybe his niece wasn’t book smart like Dipper or like his…his brother. But she wasn’t stupid. She thought about it for a second, then punched him in the shoulder.

“Stan, you didn’t.”

“Hey, my friend Ron in the seventies said religion was where the money was at so I got ston-“Stan remembered who his audience was and went on. “I got inspired and I came up with the Church of the All Seeing Green Eye. You’re talking to the All Highest Poombah Reverend Stetson Pinefield!”

Mabel giggled. “Grunkle Stan! Did people even buy it?”

“Hell yes they did!” Stan coughed. “Well, at least for the first three months. Point being, I have some great robes I can wear to the ceremony. Lots of green velvet. There’s even a bustle in it for some reason.”

“Oooooh! I can add glitter then! And then we can sequin your name across the back and-”

Stan got the feeling, as Mabel prattled on about the alterations she was going to make, that he once again got played by his niece.

–——

Mabel’s list of who they were going to invite to the wedding ran seventeen pages long. And while some of that was due in part to Mabel’s oversized handwriting, it still came to a lot of people.

“Mabes, did you invite all of Gravity Falls?” he asked teasingly, as he poured her a cup of Mabel Juice from the pitcher in the fridge. He set the glass down in front of his fiancé and joined her at the Formica kitchen table. Outside he could hear Gompers bleat and ram into the totem pole that stood outside. Better that than his truck…

Mabel blushed.

“Um…”

Henry looked down at the list again. Anyone else, any other town, he would have dismissed the thought out of hand as pure impossibility.

And yet here was Manly Dan and Mayor Cutebiker, who of course were also his relatives, but Mabel had known them almost as long as he had. And of course there was Lazy Susan, who was doing the catering and, Henry knew, had been one of the first ones to accept Dipper’s new reality. All of Wendy’s crew were invited; Robbie and Tambry and their baby girl Dezzie, Thompson and his girlfriend he met at college, Lee and Nate who had been married themselves last year. Toby Determined, even though he smelt of cheese and desperation, was there to record events for the Reporter. Old Man McGucket was providing the pyrotechnics, Blubs and Durland were going to do traffic control before joining the audience themselves, and while he had never heard of Quentin Trembley, much less that he had been an ex-president, Henry was inclined to believe Mabel. This wasn’t even including the gnome troops (who were only allowed to come if they were on their best behavior), the Multibear, the Manotaurs (Mabel’s best party bros), the fairies and pixies in the forest that Mabel had befriended over the years…

His fiancé knew a dizzying amount of people, Henry thought a little dazedly.

He looked at his own list, which only took up one sheet of notebook paper.

Uncle Dan and Uncle Tyler, and Wendy and her siblings were on there of course, just like they were on Mabel’s list. He wasn’t inviting his parents because…well, because, but he had always gotten along with Dad’s sister, Aunt Marienne, and another one of Dad’s brothers, Uncle John, so he was going to invite them. There were a few cousins outside of Dan’s kids who he was inviting too, cousins who had been good friends to him when he had none. There was Jerry and Edward and Martina, friends of his from college, and Mr. Hagesawa and his family but…

That was it. Twenty people and even then he really only felt deeply connected to a few of them.

Twenty people to show for a little over twenty years of life.

He looked up at Mabel, who was flipping through the phone book to see who she may have missed, and smiled.

As long as he had her, he could convince himself that there was one good thing he had done in his life.

—–

Dipper wasn’t sure how even with near omniscience, and a sharpened attention span, that the Rubik’s Cube in his hands still refused to be solved. He snarled as he got all but one row in place, and was contemplating peeling the stickers off and moving them around when he felt a tug around his stomach and on the link he had between him and Mabel.

He blipped into the attic, where he saw Mabel deep at work on…something. While she and Henry had moved into the spare room that the Shack had budded in the night (and he still had no idea how that happened damnit,) she still used the attic as her craft room. In front of her on her desk was a toilet paper roll, a few squares of foil in every color of the rainbow, and a pile that included slips of paper, Tootsie Rolls, tiny toy pigs, and small bottles of bubbles.

Mabel looked up and registered his presence with a big toothy smile and a wave.

“Hey Dippin Dots! Wanna help me make crackers?”

“Um…I don’t see any food on the table.”

Mabel boffed him in the shoulder.

“No silly! They’re like poppers, but they have stuff inside! I saw it when I was watching Broody Detective  on PBS and it’s a thing in England during Christmas and I thought they’d be the best wedding favors ever!”

Dipper didn’t get it but if Mabel was happy and excited, he was willing to roll with it.

“How can I help?” he asked.

“There’s a whole roast waiting in the freezer for you if you’ll times all these piles by-“Mabel did some quick math in her head. “-five hundred.”

“Holy fuck, Mabel, the guest list was at two hundred yesterday-“

Mabel laughed at the look on his face. “Everyone is getting two or three doofus! These are going to be so awesome I know people won’t want just one!”

“Oh yeah.” He offered a hand and Mabel high fived him to seal the deal, a puff of flame rising in the air above their hands. Dipper waved the other hand at the supplies and suddenly the desk was groaning under the new weight of arts and crafts supplies.

The two of them looked with satisfaction at the desk, when something occurred to Dipper.

“How are you going to get them crack and pop?” he asked his twin.

Mabel tapped her cheek in thought. “I hadn’t gotten that far, to be honest. And I need to find some confetti too.”

Dipper grinned, baring both rows of his teeth.

“I ̴c͡a̕n͝ ̀ta͢k̵e ͡care o̸f҉ ͝t̕h̢at fo͢r ̸yo̸ư.̶”

“Dipper no, I am not letting you eat the roast raw. You get way too into it and you leave blood all over the table and you miss half of the stuff that gets on your face. Also when you lick your fingers clean you look at Henry the whole time and it’s starting to creep him out.”

He switched tactics and forms, shrinking into his twelve year old self, complete with a teenie hat and cane.

“Mabellllll,” Dipper whined, and maybe it was immature to whine but he could taste the iron tang of blood that awaited him, longed to sink his teeth into flesh….

“Nope.”

He pulled his trump card. “I can make that confetti tiny pictures of you and Henry.”

Mabel’s hand shot out faster than he could see. “Deal!”

As Dipper materialized the bags of confetti, he wondered not for the first time if Mabel had just played him.

(It wouldn’t surprise him; Mabel was a lot shrewder than everyone gave her credit for.)

—–—-

After Mabel had finished calling literally every single person they knew to tell them the news, after Henry, flushed with excitement and the glass of whisky Stan had given him retired to Mabel’s room for the night and Dipper stopped hugging himself on the couch….after all of that Stan had gotten up, turned out the lights in the house and went not to bed but to his office. He unlocked the door, went to the old Miser and Son safe, and began to twist the dial.

The door spring open, and he took out a small checkbook, dusty with disuse.

“And until you make us a fortune, you aren’t welcome in this household!” Sixty odd years later his father’s words rung loud and clear in his head. He had never gotten out of the habit of saving, not even when he faked his death and cut, finally and irretrievably, his last ties to his family. A fortune was his ticket back to Glass Shard Beach, back to Ma and Shermy and Ford. And while Stan was no millionaire, fifty or so years of saving meant he was definitely a thousandaire.

Stan sat down in his chair with a heavy thump, and looked at the two picture frames on his desk. The first one was the photo of him and Ford at the ring, his parents half in and half out of the image. Mabel had framed it for him for Christmas a few years ago, and if the old photo looked a little odd in a hot pink glitter frame with foam letters that read “BROTHERS” glued on, Stan couldn’t bring himself to care. 

The other frame held two photos. One the picture of Mabel and Dipper he had kept in Ford’s lab that summer. The other was of Mabel at high school graduation, his niece beaming under the bland gown and mortarboard that she had spent three weeks bedazzling every square inch of. Her right arm was flung around Dipper’s neck, kept physical for the ceremony with a bit of Stan’s blood. There was a golden streak down Dipper’s face, starting from his left eye and going down from there.

He didn’t need a ticket back to New Jersey, didn’t need to prove himself to a man long dead. 

Not when he had a family that he had been a part of all along.

With no hesitation, Stan scrawled down a five digit number, signed his name, and blew the ink dry.

Tomorrow he’d go to the bank to deposit Mabel’s gift into her account.

———

“FINISHED!”

Both Soos and Stan looked up from their spots on the living room couch, as Mabel audibly was scrambling around in her craft room upstairs. Outside, the yard rang with the sound of Dipper getting chased around by Soos and Melody’s three oldest kids (Stan having armed them with holy water filled spray guns.) The handyman bounced his second youngest, Ree, on his knee, and Stan was feeding the guest of honor, little David who had only been born last week.

Mabel stomped down the stairs with a bundle of multicolored fabric in her arms, just as Dipper came in, giggling kids hanging off of his damp and smoldering shoulders and arms.

“Tía Mabel, what’s that in your hands?” Osa asked, tongue poking out in the gap in his teeth.

“This, is my chuppah! I finally finished it! And it only took eighty hours, and lots of bodily fluids and sugar!”

Stan’s face screwed up in that weird way that to the outward viewer suggested he had a stick up his butt, but which Dipper and Mabel knew meant he was trying not to tear up.

“What’s a chup…a hup…a that?” Ford asked, clambering down from Dipper’s back.

Mabel knelt down to get to her nephew’s level, gently unveiling the bundle of cloth in her hands as she did so.

“This is what Henry and I are going to get married under next month,” Mabel explained.

Dipper’s breath left his throat.

It was one thing to know that his sister was an artist, a master of cloth and thread, bead and sequin.

It was another to actually see her talent in action. The cloth had been tie dyed, and Mabel had somehow managed to have heart and stars rather than the standard circles. She had stitched a massive heart with thread from every color of the rainbow. A closer look revealed that the heart was made of important dates, the names of family and friends, quotes and jokes from their three year courtship. All around the border were beaded flowers, roses and lilies, grape blossoms and California poppies. It was the most amazing thing that he had ever seen his sister make and Dipper was in awe. As everyone else began to comment on Mabel’s hard work, Dipper caught something out of the corner of his eye, something… no, someone.

He turned his head to look and in the corner was a sad looking woman, so transparent that she was almost invisible. She wore a long red dress, golden hoop earrings, and white shoes. Her hair was in a big bun and there was something naggingly familiar about her face. She wasn’t a ghost- that much Dipper could tell but who or what she was, he had no idea. It felt like all the sound from the room had drained away, everyone else gone save for Dipper and the other woman. She was looking around the room with some obvious confusion. Dipper was about to say something to her when the woman spotted the chuppah Mabel was showing off, and suddenly focused on it with laser intensity. Her eyes picked out every stitch, every bead. A bittersweet smile bloomed on her face and a tear tracked down her face.

As suddenly as she had appeared she was gone again. The sound of the cheerfully full living room bled back into the world, and Dipper was left with the impression that something momentous had just happened, and he completely missed what it was.

——

“Stan, you really don’t have to do this,” Henry protested weakly, as a small man knelt near his crotch, touching the inside of Henry’s thigh. The other man’s breath drifted across his skin and Henry felt the blood rise in his cheeks. “Plug it kid,” Stan said, watching with some satisfaction in his boxers and an undershirt in a chair next to the pair. Stan was obviously enjoying every part of this spectacle. “I did the same thing for Soos when he got married.”

The tailor, Mr. Koudelka, finished measuring Henry’s inseam, and then rapped Henry across his stomach. “Kneel down tall boy. I need to get your shoulders and I’m not standing on no damn chair.” Stan burst out laughing and Henry blushed. They were at Stan’s tailor’s in Salem. Apparently Mr. Koudelka made suits for half of the State Senate, executives at Nike, and the Lieutenant Governor and oh god.

“Stan, I could have rented a suit, it wouldn’t have been a problem.”

Mr. Koudelka stood up suddenly, and threw his pin cushion across the room. “Gamo to mouni pou se petage!” he swore, then stormed out the room. Stan rolled his eyes.

“Well, he’s out for the next half hour. I’ll get him from his kicking spot behind the dumpster in a minute.”

“Stan, seriously. You…you didn’t need to do this.”

“You’re repeating yourself Henry.”

“Well I mean it!”

The older man barked a laugh. “Of course I did kid! Knowing those places, you woulda got a suit that showed your ankles and wrists! No sense in making all of us looking bad!”

“Us?”

Stan cleared his throat, and looked away from Henry’s face.

“Yeah, us kid. You’re part of the family now. Gotta…you gotta reputation to maintain. Pines yanno? We’re pretty um…” Stan thought for a full minute for a proper adjective to describe a family that included a con man, a demon, and a Mabel. Finally he shrugged and said, “Look, don’t want you embarrassing me. Don’t want anyone to say any so-nephew of mine is all raggedy looking.”

Henry’s throat got tight, and his eyes cloudy.

“Yeah,” Henry finally managed. “Just. Thanks. Thank you Stan.”

Still looking down, Stan muttered something that if Henry hadn’t known better, he would have said was “Us lost kids gotta look after each other.” But he knew the old trickster had his dignity, so Henry instead elected to coax Mr. Koudelka back inside.

—–

It wasn’t anything they actively planned, any of them. But a week before the wedding Stan took Henry out for “a night on the town” (i.e. bowling and cowtipping,) and Mabel and Dipper were left to their own devices. As soon as the door shut, Mabel and Dipper did their super-secret twin handshake, the one they hadn’t done in years.

For one night the Mystery Twins were back, like nothing had ever changed.

(But things had changed, and they could never escape that, not when Mabel had to sacrifice a cup of her blood to make sure Dipper stuck around for the evening- no. Dipper wasn’t going to think about that now…)

Tonight Dipper wore a red flannel shirt and jeans, wore blunted teeth, rounded ears and white sclera. Tonight Mabel put on a pink sweater adorned with a shooting star, once five sizes too big for her but which now fit just right (and hid the ropy scar that stretched across her stomach.) Tonight was just for them, for how things could have been, should have been.

Dinner was two whole bags of Summerween candy; everyone in town loved the mustard and ketchup costumes Mabel made and had given them more candy than usual. Then it was up to the attic to play four or five rounds of mini golf. Mabel had gone all out in constructing the course: piles of laundry competed with toothpick Eiffel Tower and a wax replica of the Shack, and the flag on each hole was made with a different scrap of fabric. They lasted three rounds before breaking the window, and while Dipper was able to fix it with the wave of a hand (and another drop of blood) it was time to move on.

Dipper rode behind Mabel on her bicycle, standing up on the bars in the back like they used to when they were kids as they rode into town. (And if Dipper felt lighter than air behind her, Mabel wasn’t going to complain or let the reason why weigh her down.)

They snuck into the pool by way of a hole in the fence and dropped a bottle in for Mermando and his wife, despite Dipper’s gentle protest that a pool in central Oregon was not going to empty out into the sea. They rode by the Dusk 2 Dawn, and Dipper ended up playing lookout while Mabel broke in to raid their Smile Dip stash. He was a little concerned to see that Mabel came out with her arms full and pockets bulging of the hallucinogenic candy, but the larger part of him thrilled at the potential for chaos laden in the packets Mabel carried. The mushroom was still on the water tower, but thanks to Mabel and Dipper it was now filled in with every color of the rainbow, garnished with a tiny pine tree and star symbol next to it. They passed Toot-Toot McBumbersnazzle outside of the Skull Fracture busking, and Mabel dropped two dollars into his open banjo case.  

Done in town, they rode deep into the forest. Mabel bought a round at Gnasty’s and the gnomes drank sorrowfully to the loss of their queen. Their melancholy was dissipated however once Mabel and Jeff got into a drinking competition. If it were anyone else, Dipper would have believed the gnome’s claims that the only reason Mabel won because she had a bigger stomach. However, since he had once seen her drink Manly Dan under the table Dipper doubted it. The Multibear provided tea and an advance copy of Babba’s greatest hits that they listened to on the MP3 player Mabel had gotten him a few years ago. They partied with the manotaurs and Dipper still couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit miffed that his sister got along better with the pinnacles of hairy masculinity than he ever did.

They rode into the night, rode until they came to a field where once upon a time the world ended. Mabel and Dipper ran into the middle and spun around in circles (her idea) until they both collapsed giggling and dizzy on the ground. Mabel rested her head on Dipper’s stomach, and they laid down and looked at the Milky Way stretching out above them, masses of stars spilling across the sky in a gorgeous band. Mabel lasted all of five minutes before passing out, leaving Dipper alone to continue star gaze.

His sister let out a ground shaking snore and began to drool onto his shirt. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the slow steady thud of her heart. Along their bond (the hold he had on her soul because it was his) Dipper could feel waves of contentment, peace, happiness, and an incipient hangover in the morning. Mabel blazed with life. She lived every day to her fullest and it was obvious even to those without the Sight.

Dipper could hear the beat of his twin’s heart, and with every beat, all he could think of was how little time he had left with her.

——–

Henry opened the front door.

A whole cow laid on the porch, the planks groaning under the weight of the carcass. Blood pooled from a wound in its neck.

Henry shut the front door.

He opened it again.

The cow was still there.

“Goddamnit Dipper,” Henry muttered to himself. Like Beeltejuice, Dipper appeared at the mention of his name, coming onto the physical plane with a pop of displaced air.

“Dǫ you li͟ke̸ it̸?” Dipper asked. He beamed and there were spots of blood on his teeth, teeth that matched the marks on the neck of the co. Dipper followed Henry’s gaze and said, “D͡on’͟t wo̡r̶ry̢! ̶I̛ ͟d̷id̶n’͟t t̢a̕ke̵ a͘ny c̴hunks. ҉Yo̵u get f̨ir̛s͝t͟ d͘i͜bs!”

Henry took a deep breath in, let it out, took another breath in and out again. “I…” He paused, started again. “Dipper, I love you, but why the fuck did you bring me a dead cow?”

“Um….” The reverb faded from Dipper’s voice as he paused to think. Finally, he shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea?”

Henry could only sigh and shake his head.

Dipper brightened. “Oh! I remember now! I thought it’d be good for your bachelor party!”

“Dip, I’m not having a bachelor party, remember? Henry gently reminded him.

“What? Seriously? Mabel’s having one!”

Mabel, along with Paz, Candy, Wendy, Grenda and Melody, had all gone to Las Vegas for a bachelorette weekend. The girls had only flown out that morning, but already he had gotten four hundred and thiry drunk texts from Candy and Grenda, two pictures of Mabel’s boobs, and a “so, theoretically, do you have enough bail money for six women just in case” from Wendy. Henry half expected Vegas to be burnt down by Sunday, but he was glad that Mabel was having the time of her life with her friends.

He on the other hand…. “It’s okay Dipper. Honestly, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Dipper, who had gotten distracted by the carcass on the porch, tore his hungry gaze from the cow and turned back to Henry. “I thought your friend from college…Curtis? Craig?”

“Jerry.”

The other man waggled his hands. “Eh, I was close. But I thought that you guys were going to do something?”

Henry shook his head. “Jerry’s only coming for the day of the wedding and he’s going back to Eugene that night.” At that, Dipper looked so forlorn that Henry reached out and patted his shoulder. “Honestly, it’s fine. Besides, I’m not one to go out and drink till I can’t walk straight or…um…” Henry blushed. “Go to an adult club.”

Dipper tapped his chin with a clawed finger in thought for a second. Then he snapped his fingers, a small blue flame popping out as skin met skin.

“How about this. You let me eat half of that cow and I’ll butcher and pack the other half for you. We’ll call Soos over, get Stan to bring out his not-rigged pack of cards, grill some steaks, drink some beer, and…” Dipper smiled shyly now. “Have a guys’ night in?”

“You…Dipper, you’d do that for me?”

Dipper shrugged, and scratched the back of his head nervously. “Well, I need that cow first-I’m sorry, it just smells r͟ea̧̨l̸̵l̢̀͞y good. But um, yeah. I think it’d be fun and we could probably get Stan to show you some card tricks.”

“Why?”

He hadn’t meant to ask but it came out of his throat all the same and well. He wanted to know. Why? Why all this fuss for him?

Dipper paused. A tiny bit of golden drool lurked at the corner of his mouth, from where he had been looking at the carcass on the porch. He seemed to realize it, and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. The seconds stretched into minutes. Finally, hesitantly, the demon said, “Because you deserve it.” Dipper instantly blushed but he went on.

“I mean… Maybe you won’t technically be my brother for another three days but…you’re my brother, all the same. You started being my brother when you didn’t run away that first time we met at Greasy’s. You started being my brother when you came back for me at La Pine. You started being my brother when we shared blood at the lake…” Dipper suddenly looked away from Henry, but not fast enough for Henry to miss the sparkle at the corner of Dipper’s eyes.

“You’re good for Mabel,” Dipper went on. “You love her. You’re…. Henry. You make me better, make me want to be better. I wish you could see yourself how I can see you….” Dipper trailed off and Henry’s throat felt tight.

“Let us… let us do this for you. Let us show you that we lo- um. You’re family now Henry. This is what family does for each other.”

Henry opened his mouth to speak. Nothing came out. He tried again and still nothing.

Dipper seemed to understand what Henry meant, what the other man wanted to say but couldn’t get out. He turned back to Henry, composed again, and smiled.

“What do you say? Can I have the cow?”

Henry burst out laughing.

Henry never imagined that he would be married, let alone that he would have had a bachelor party. And he certainly couldn’t have imagined this night. The four of them had a steak dinner, meat cooked by the eldritch blue flame breath of his demon brother. Soos greeted Henry with a massive bear hug, and an unlimited gift certificate to his tool store. “Wedding present dood!” Soos had said when Henry tried to demure. “Gotta get you set up!” Stan, after four tries, finally found a card deck that wasn’t rigged, though there were barely dressed male bodybuilders on the backs of the cards. They plated round after round of poker and blackjack. At one point they tried a game that Stan called “Yelnats” that he supposedly learned in prison, only to stop when the odds and rules were obviously rigged in Stan’s favor. At some point they all got drunk enough to record a message for Dipper’s message machine (even Dipper.) That they agreed to Dipper’s suggestion of “Disco Girl” spoke to their level of intoxication.

He woke up in the morning to Soos and Stan sleeping on their arms at the table, puddles of drool around him. Dipper was curled up next to him on the floor, snoring into Henry’s armpit, and wings curled around the both of them.
——-

The day had finally arrived.

Henry wondered if he should have been more nervous, but he wasn’t. He was excited, ready to be married. And, if he was honest with himself, ready for his life to get back to normal and the Shack to not be covered head to toe and shelf to shelf in wedding accoutrement.

Henry had asked Mabel if she wanted him to do anything different to his hair, but at the mention of a haircut Mabel had almost passed out. As such, he just ran a comb through his curls as usual. He finished tying his blue bow tie, and pulled on the matching vest. Into the cuffs of his shirt, Henry put in the paper flower the same gentle powder blue of his vest and bow tie. He looked himself over in the grimy cracked mirror of the bathroom. Not too bad. Stan had been right; this was better than a rented tux.

He knelt down slightly to look out the window and on to the back yard where everything was being set up. His soon to be mother in law, Anna, was helping Lazy Susan bring in the cakes; the deal they had made with Dipper to keep him corporeal all day was that he would get a whole cake to himself. This was probably the first wedding where instead of a grooms’ cake there was a ‘bro-bro cake’ as Mabel had taken to calling it.  Mark and Soos, along with a man who had a pizza shirt on under his suit jacket, were wrestling chairs into place on the lawn. Stan, along with Blubs and Durland, were directing traffic, and Henry was amazed to see a line of cars down the driveway and going out of sight, backing up onto the main road. It was one thing to know that Mabel had invited half the town, another to actually see it.

A rap at the door interrupted his reverie.

“Dude!” Wendy cried out from the other side. “Are you finished? I got five girls that need to do their hair and shit, and there’s only room for three butts at the mirror in your room.”

“I’m coming out,” Henry replied. He tweaked his bow tie one more time in the mirror before turning to leave.

Show time.

—–

As the afternoon turned slowly into twilight, Dipper’s answering machine, hovering over the crowd, clicked on, and the opening bars of “Don’t Stop Un-Believing” rang out over the crowd. Everyone turned in their seats to look as the wedding party walked down the aisle.

Stan was not, despite his threats, dressed in his old ritual green robes from his scam religion. He wore his new suit, a red tie in place of his usual bow tie. While he offered to leave both behind and be “respectable” for the wedding, Mabel insisted on him wearing his fez and carrying his eight ball cane, and then Stan had some dust land in his eye. He took his place under the chuppah; they had originally planned on having all four members of Mabel’s party hold each pole up, but that plan had to be nixed when they realized that the party included Candy, who was an inch shorter than Mabel, and Soos, who was a whole foot taller than the girls. Instead, the girls and Soos had helped put it up the night before, and they had wrapped each pole in ribbons every color of the rainbow.

Next came Mabel’s side of the party. Since Mabel couldn’t decide, everyone in her party was her Maid of Honor, with the exception of Soos, who was her Dood of Honor. Candy was the first down the aisle, dressed in a long sleeved, deep blue-violet dress complete with a small train. Her hair was done up in dozens of braids, and instead of a bouquet, she carried a broadsword that was almost as tall as her. Despite that, she easily held the blade up straight and tall, and violet ribbons flowed from the handle. Pacifica followed her, back ramrod straight and utterly poised. Diamonds dripped from her ears and neck, and she wore her grandmother’s tiara in her pinned up hair. Her dress was strapless and ice blue, paired with matching elbow length gloves. While it pained Pacifica to have a bouquets of paper flowers as opposed to real ones, she was somewhat mollified when Mabel managed to make paper lilies and orchids for her. She had to admit that Mabel had done an amazing job painting the paper to make them look as real as possible…and it was Mabel’s wedding so….

Grenda was wearing her hair down for once, and had a daisy crown that she made seven minutes before perched on top of her hair. She also wore a strapless dress, but it was bright neon pink, and went to her knees rather than to the ground. Mabel had made her earrings and a matching necklace out of old dragon scales that the miniature dragons at her pet shop had shed. The scales, in fact, had come from the tiny swamp dragon named Bumplesnouts she was holding in lieu of a bouquet. The thick shapeless leather gloves and bracers clashed a bit with the rest of her outfit but when Grenda mentioned not wearing them to Mabel, the smaller girl had shaken her head vehemently. “Honestly Grenda!” Mabel had said. “Safety first!” Last but not least was Soos, wearing the dark blue suit that he had worn at his own wedding. He had put on his fanciest baseball cap and carried a bouquet (“Flowers are pretty dawg”) of paper roses, and lollipops (for snacking later.)

There were only two people on Henry’s side, and Wendy came down the aisle next. She insisted on wearing a suit, and a trip to Mr. Koudelka had produced a dark green suit, compete with tailcoat and subtle yet tasteful plaid lapels. Like Candy, she carried not a bouquet but an axe, the edge keen and the handle wrapped in green ribbons. Her hair had been done by Mabel (who had been itching to get her hands on it for years) into a French braid crown around her head, for once exposed to the air.  Dipper, because he was a total showboat, simply blipped into appearance next to Wendy once she made it down the aisle. All that remained now was the couple themselves.

–

“Don’t Stop Un-Believing” faded to a close, and then the Wedding March began to play. However, as it was Mabel who chose the music, it was a techno dub-step rendition, which Henry hadn’t the heart to tell her was kind of off-putting. He could feel the thud of the bass from around the corner of the Shack, which was his cue to come out and down the aisle. Henry swallowed, adjusted his bowtie one more time, and went out.

While Henry wouldn’t have called himself bashful or shy by any stretch of the imagination, seeing the literal crowd amassed to watch him and Mabel (Mabel mainly, his mind traitorously pointed out) to get married was enough to make him pause and break out in a sweat. Despite his nervousness, his feet began to carry him forward, and Henry began to walk down the aisle. Right before he stepped under the chuppah (on taller than usual poles in deference to his “mooseitude” as Mabel put it,) he took a look at the crowd, and at his friends and family waiting for him there. When his eyes came to his best man the breath caught in his throat.

He was expecting Dipper to be in his normal clothes considering that the outfits Dipper considered “casual” were usually more formal than most opera-goers. And he was. Except everything was white now, a pure, utterly impossible white that almost hurt Henry’s eyes. Even Dipper’s hat, shoes, and gloves were the same shade of alabaster. The only touches of color were the blue paper roses that Mabel had tucked into the band of his hat and the buttonhole of his coat. Henry ducked under and took his place under the chuppah, and caught Dipper’s eyes. It felt like time stopped for a minute, bleeding gold eyes boring into Henry’s own. The hair raised on Henry’s neck and back as he stood under the regard of the demon. The moment stretched, and all he could feel was the inhumanity flooding from the being in front of him. He was outside of time, outside of space, outside of any petty mortal concerns, and when Henry and Mabel were long dust, Dipper would still be there.

Then Dipper smiled, gently, showing only one row of teeth, and the moment broke.

“Turn around hotshot,” Dipper said, quiet enough that only Henry could hear. “Mabel’s coming down.”

Henry felt all the blood drain from his face, a roaring enter his ears, and his vision grow dark around the edges. Clawed hands gently grabbed his shoulders, and then turned him around. Even as Henry was turned around, the hands didn’t let go, instead holding him steady and supported.

At the end of the aisle was Mabel, arm in arm with her parents. Bare feet poked out of the asymmetrical hem of her dress as she walked, each toe bedecked in a different ring, each nail a different color of the rainbow. Mabel’s dress was a mass of different layers of fabric, all fluttering gently in the evening breeze. All over her dress were tiny Christmas lights, sequins and beads, flowers and little tiny figurines, all sewn into her dress, all meaningful. Tiny bells gave off gentle jingles and freckled and tanned shoulders, uncovered by sleeves, sparkled with liberal amounts of glitter. More flowers, along with bells and bits of ivy, were plaited into her hair, which hung loose. As she came up to the chuppah, Mark and Anna gently stepped away and into their waiting seats.

Mabel began to circle him, once, twice, three times. She smelt like the earth after the rain, like violets and lilies and apple blossoms. Four, five times and it wasn’t Mabel walking around him but some primal force of nature, raw and untamed and sprung from the forest. Six, seven, and she was next to him, her hand in his. She opened her mouth and immediately a massive belch came out. If it had been any louder it would have blown the chuppah off from over them.

The crowd burst out laughing and Mabel turned to take a bow.

The spell was broken and Henry smiled. That was his Mabel.

“Alright, alright you crazy kids,” Stan grumbled. “You two ready to get married or not?”

Stan had actually written up something small, and if Henry hadn’t been so nervous and excited and sweaty all at the same time, he would have been able to comprehend and appreciate what the old man was saying. Instead he was lost in Mabel’s eyes, only coming out when Stan reached over and gently smacked Henry on the head.

“You going to say ‘I do’ or what?”

Henry blushed bright cherry red.

“I, um, I do. Take you. Mabel. For my wife.”

“Good.” Stan turned to Mabel. “Do you take Henry to be your husband, to take care of him and be taken care of in turn, make sure he don’t spend his last days at the home, that shi-stuff?”

Mabel put her small hands in his larger ones, and looked up at Henry.

“Absolutely. I do.”

“Good. Best man, cough up those rings.” Stan held out a hand and Dipper, visibly trying not to cry, took off his hat, flipped it over, and shook until two rings fell out onto Stan’s palm. He turned and gave them to the couple before him. Without any words, Mabel slid a battered silver band with a tiny speck of a stone that could have been a diamond but was more likely cubic zirconia onto Henry’s finger. In turn, Henry placed a thin golden band with three opals, interspersed with tiny rubies, onto her finger. Henry started to lean down to kiss Mabel but Stan stopped him.

“Not yet kiddo. One more thing.” Stan pitched his voice a little higher, for everyone to hear even as Henry blushed yet again and Mabel grinned cheekily at him.

In lieu of the sheva b'rachot, Mabel had asked their family and friends (conveniently numbered seven) to give a blessing of their own instead. Pacifica went first, stepping up to the couple. “May…” Pacifica stumbled for a second, still unused to giving something sincere and honest of herself, but recovered with aplomb. “May you two never want for anything, be it money, food, and most of all, love.” Pacifica never blushed, but there was a slightly pink tinge that could not be explained by rouge when Mabel kissed her on the cheek.

Candy tapped first Mabel on the shoulders with her broadsword then Henry, though he got less the flat of blade and more the tiniest poke from the tip through the cloth of his suit. “May your arms always remain strong enough to hold each other and to slay your enemies in battle.” Candy paused for a second. “Even if your arms are lost and need to be replaced by cybernetic robot arms and even if not I have some plans and-” At that point Pacifica gently pulled Candy back into the line.

In dulcet, soothing, ear drum exploding tones, Grenda proclaimed, “May you two never go to bed angry at one another and may every argument end in a laugh.” Grenda looked down at the sullen dragon in her hands. “I was going to have him climb around your shoulders, like Candy’s thing, but me and Candy tried it this morning and-”

“He ate some of my hair!” Candy proudly proclaimed, holding up several braids that were singed and burnt.

“Yeah….if you want to ceremoniously pet him though you can,” Grenda continued. Mabel of course did, and Henry reluctantly followed, though he only patted the dragon’s small head twice before pulling his hand away.

Wendy leaned in and slightly down to kiss Mabel on the cheek, then aimed up to punch Henry on the shoulder, calloused skin catching on the fine fabric of his suit. “Whatever life throws at you two crazy kids,” Wendy proclaimed, “may you stay calm, cool and collected through it all.” She waggled her axe at Henry. “And don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Corduroys stick together.” Wendy smiled sadly at Henry with that statement. There was a lot unsaid there, seats empty in the audience, invitations unsent. But it was more than that as well and Henry heard that as well. He smiled and reached down to give Wendy a peck on the cheek in thanks.

Soos enveloped both Mabel and Henry in his arms, squishing them to his chest. “Doods, if you ever need anything, you let me know.” He peered down at them (well, down at Mabel and slightly up at Henry) with the most serious look Henry had ever seen on the handyman’s face. “I mean it,” he repeated. “I’d do anything for the Pines family-and I mean anything.” He let them go, and plucked two lollipops from his bouquet and handed them over.

“Also, I found pizza flavored lollipops. Enjoy doods!” Henry tucked his in the inside pocket Mr. Koudelka insisted on putting in his suit jacket. Mabel tucked hers into her bosom, making her smell of flowers, damp earth, and now, pizza.  

Stan cleared his throat.

“So I uh. Gotta say something nice to you two kids I suppose,” he grumbled, face grumpy and eyes wet. “Not sure what I can offer you two that everyone else hasn’t already said. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life so I don’t got much advice to give.” He paused, and looked down at gnarled hands that clutched his eight ball cane, now more for support than as a prop. Finally, he went on. “The only thing this old man has learned is that family is important. Doesn’t have to be blood, or who you started with. But as long as you got a few people around you that… that love you, then you’ll be fine. So I guess that’s my blessing to you; may you always have family around you.”

Mabel had to this point done a good job of restraining herself from hugging every single person as they gave their blessing, if only it would make the ceremony take half as long. But now she simply went to Stan and wrapped her arms around him. Stan buried his head in her hair, and they stood there for a minute. When they finally pulled apart, there was a wet spot on the front of his jacket, and Stan’s cheeks were moist.

Finally it was Dipper’s turn.

While the guests weren’t talking, it felt like to Henry that even the small sounds of any crowd faded away, as if the lawn had been blanketed in quiet and the world narrowed only to him, Mabel, and Dipper. Henry looked at his brother and once again he had gone distant, inhuman, more like a statue than anything alive.

Dipper took Henry’s right hand, and scraped a claw down his palm, blood welling immediately to the surface. Before Henry could even react, Dipper did the same to Mabel’s left hand. Finally, he made a scratch in each of his own palms, the cuts leaking not crimson but golden. Dipper grabbed the hands with cuts on them, and Henry felt first his hand, then his whole arm tingle with energy as Dipper’s blood mixed with his own. Blood both golden and red dripped on the ground, dripped on Henry’s suit and Mabel’s dress.

“This I promise you both,” Dipper intoned. There was no reverb in his voice. There didn’t need to be, not when Henry felt his words sink into his very bones, the wound on his hand burn like blue fire.

“Yours is a love that will never be sundered. From now until the end of your days you will live together, make a life together. Children you will have and a home you will make. The pair of you will shelter the homeless, bring hope to the hopeless, and defend the defenseless...” Dipper squeezed their hands tight.

“And no matter what, at the end, you two will go together. This is my blessing and this I promise.”

Gently, he guided their hands together, removing his own from their grip. Mabel’s hand was warm and rough in his own, her cut still open and leaking blood, just as his own.

Dipper smiled, and the mood broke.

“All right,” Grunkle Stan broke in. “You may kiss the groom- and make it fast, I smell food.”

Henry kissed Mabel, as behind him, Dipper began to sob (more, as it turned out, than the rest of the entire wedding party, ruining two of Pacifica’s handkerchiefs in the process.)

-----

Mabel and Henry had ducked into the forest for a few minutes to allow their guests time to move from the back yard to the tables and dance floor set out in the front. When they came back fifteen minutes later to the front yard, Mabel was missing a few flowers from her hair and Henry was bright cherry red, yet smiling, his bow tie hanging slightly loose from his neck.

Henry had hoped to quietly slip back in to the party, with no one the wiser, but forgot that Mabel and Grenda had rigged up two massive glitter canons to shoot off the first time they stepped onto the front lawn. Not just glitter cannons, Henry realized as glitter rained down on him and covered him from head to toe and in every exposed orifice. Glitter canons that were also connected to speakers that began to blare “It’s Raining Men” at top volume.

Every eye in the place turned to them, and Henry was horribly, suddenly aware that his shirt was misbuttoned and he had forgotten to do up his zipper before they came to the party.

---

 “Where….Soos, Wendy, where did all of these presents come from? I know Mabel invited the whole town but-“

Henry felt weak at the knees. Even with the amount of guests they had RSVP to the wedding, there was no way, none whatsoever that there could have been this many presents on the table. Though “table” was less accurate than “Table and a five foot radius around the table, complete with presents on top of presents in precarious towers.”

“Dude, you and Mabel are kind of a big deal around here,” Wendy explained gently to her cousin.

“Wha-?”

Wendy Corduroy, Demon Hunter and All Around Bad Ass Babe, rolled her eyes.

“Dude, every supernatural being in a three hundred mile radius knows who Mabel is, who Dipper is. And even leaving aside that they’ve done more good than bad for the community, they’re….”

Wendy tried to think of a better word, failed, and went on. “Powerful. Deserving of respect. So this is yours and Mabel’s wedding but it’s also the wedding of Mizar the Merciless. It’s also the wedding of the sister of the most powerful demon on this plane. It’s a political event cousin. So yes, there’s gonna be a lot of presents.”

Henry gaped at her.

“That means-“

Wendy patted him on the shoulder.

“Buckle up. You got a lot of thank you cards in your future.”

---

 “Stan? Stan Pines, a moment please?!”

Stan turned around from loading his plate up with pancakes to see Toby Determined running up to him. The small man still wore his porkpie hat and suspenders uncovered by a jacket, his glasses thicker and moustache all white now. However, in deference to the occasion, he had changed from plaid to black pants.

“Whadya want Toby? I’m trying to eat here.”

“Toby Determined, Gravity Falls Gossiper! On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate this wedding for the viewers at home?”

Stan frowned. “Toby I know who you are, newspapers have readers not viewers, and your notepad is a piece of bark.”

“Awwww.” The little man sagged from head to toe, melting like wax.

Stan sighed, and pulled an actual notepad from his jacket.

“Which is why Mabel wanted me to give you this.”

“Hnnnnnnnnnnnnah!”

Stan wasn’t sure exactly what the sound was that just came out of Toby’s throat but it sounded happy enough, so he made a surreptitious escape while the little man was still petting and stroking his new notepad.

----

“HELLO MY GIRL!”

Mabel looked up from her conversation with her parents. She and Henry had been making the rounds, sitting with all their friends-and so many friends!-for ten or fifteen minutes at a time, making sure they saw everyone. She had just sat down to visit with her parents when suddenly standing in front of her-

“Quentin Trembley!”

The ex-president, who looked like he hadn’t aged a day since Mabel had first met him all those years ago, bowed at the waist.

“CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING DEAR GIRL!”

Mark winced at the sonic boom of Quentin’s voice, and Anna gently tapped Mabel on the arm.

“Perhaps you could introduce us to your friend, Mabel honey?”

Mabel held out her hand. “Quentin, these are my parents, Mark and Anna Pines. Mom, Dad, this is President Sir Lord Quentin Trembley the Third Esquire! He was the eight and the half President of the United States!”

Quentin doffed his hat at Anna and gave another little bow.

“IT’S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU BOTH! PERSONALLY, I SUSPECT YOU’RE BOTH MAN EATING SPIDERS IN DISGUISE BUT IF THE CONGRESSWOMAN VOUCHES FOR YOU THEN I’LL TAKE HER AT HER WORD.”

Mark and Anna’s expressions had gone a little stiff but well, Gravity Falls had always been full of odd characters, even before the Transcendence.

“How did you two meet again?” Mark asked a little weakly.

 “Me and Dipper rescued him from a block of peanut brittle in the bottom of a secret room, and then we got kidnapped by the government, and then Quentin’s bird wife rescued us from a box on a train and then-“Mabel sucked in a breath to finish. “-and then we came back to town and he made me a Congressman and gave Dipper this really cool and rode away into the sunset!”

“Um. Well. What have you been up to since then Mr-“

“PLEASE, EITHER SIR OR YOUR EXCELLENCY OR YOUR SQUANCHITUDE.”

Anna paused, then started again. “Er, yes, Sir, what have you been up to since then?”

“I HAVE TRAVELLED FAR AND WIDE, ATTENDING TO MY BUSINESS. I BECAME ONE WITH THE ALPACAS, FOUGHT AGAINST MY PERNICUOUS IN-LAWS AT SANDY’S LAST FAMILY REUNION IN ALABAMA, AND DID BATTLE WITH A LARGE OVERGROWN TIME INFANT.”

Mabel wrapped her arms around Quentin and gave him a big squeeze.

“How on earth did you know I was getting married?”

Quentin smiled and patted Mabel gently on the head. “I HEARD IT ON THE WIND, IN THE VERY WATER AND EARTH ITSELF. ALSO, MY SECRETARY OF STATE, TYRONE FLUFFPANTS THE RACOONSLUG, LET ME KNOW. THIS IS A MAJOR DIPLOMATIC EVENT MY GIRL.”

Mabel blushed.

“Oh shucks.”

Quentin suddenly froze, then looked up and straight into the setting sun for forty five seconds. Finally, he said “I MUST GO. THE EAGLES ARE CALLING, WE RIDE AT DAWNSET. BUT BEFORE I GO-“

He handed Mabel a coin.

“YOUR WEDDING PRESENT MY GIRL. AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES I HEREBY PROCLAIM YOU MY VICE-VICE PRESIDENT FOR LIFE.”

The solid gold coin, embossed with Trembley’s likeness on one side, and a dancing cactus on the other side, was placed gently in Mabel’s hand.

“Coooooool.” She looked up. “Does this mean I can live in the White House if I want?”

“YES BUT ONLY IN THE BASEMENT. BUT IF THE PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT BOTH DIE AT THE SAME TIME THIS COIN WILL SPROUT WINGS AND FLY YOU TO WASHINGTON TO TAKE YOUR PLACE AS PRESIDENT OF THIS FAIR NATION.”

“But…Mabel isn’t forty-five,” Anna protested weakly. Quentin ignored her, kissing Mabel on the cheeks.

“CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN MY DEAR GIRL, NOW I MUST BE OFF. SKYLORD, MAJESTICA, ATTEND ME!”

Two massive eagles with twenty foot wingspans literally appeared out of nowhere, and swooped down, each grabbing one of his outstretched arms in their massive claws, before flying off into the evening sky.

Mark and Anna’s jaws had dropped. Mabel looked at them and smiled.

“I like him. He’s nice.”

----

“Mabel, should you be doing that?”

His sister rolled her eyes at him but responded with “Do what?”

“Dance.” Dipper saw the look on his sister’s face, but then proceeded to dig himself deeper. “With other guys,” he continued, motioning at the mosh pit of manotaurs, gnomes, and beavers that Mabel had just ducked out of.

Mabel’s eyes narrowed.

“You didn’t say anything when I danced with the girls or that selkie Miranda or even Cherry, and she was Miss Oregon 2021!”

“That’s…that’s different!”

Mabel poked a finger in to Dipper’s chest. “How so?”

“Um-“

“In case you’ve forgotten, brother, I’ve gone out with women before. Remember Ramona?”

“Oh god how could I forget Ramona. But-“

“Then there was Priyanka, and Matilda, and Lilly and Nnedi and-“Mabel shook her head. “Dipper you can be kind of a pig sometimes.”

“Mabel!!”

“Not that I need anyone’s permission to dance with whoever I please, but if I did there would only be one person I’d ask and it wouldn’t be you.”

Mabel turned and waved at her husband, currently dancing with one of Soos and Melody’s daughters.

“Yo Henry!”

Henry danced him and Flora over, much to Flora’s vast amusement.

“What’s up Mabel?” Henry asked.

“Can I dance with those goobers?” she asked, thumb pointing to the mosh pit that had now drawn in a third of the human guests and had started some crowdsurfing going.

“Um, yes? I mean, you don’t need my permission and-“

Mabel leaned up as best as she could to give Henry a kiss.

“Thanks darling,” she said, a big shit eating grin bared at Dipper. He let it drop and went off to get a drink, somewhat ungracious in defeat.

It turned out that in Mabel’s dress there was a small button that, when pressed, put on the sound system a remix that Soos had made of all of Dipper’s kitten sneezes and voice breaks from over the years, complete with “Stop it guys!” interspersed occasionally. Not to mention the other button that immediately put on “Disco Girl” and would draw Dipper to the dance floor to sing and dance along like a massive dork despite his best efforts.

Dipper was once again reminded that there were two universal constants; that the house always won, and so did Mabel.

-----

Dipper ground the heels of his hands into his eyes.

The problem with cake, even a whole cake that was shaped like his symbol and was chocolate-banana-broccoli, was that ultimately, it did nothing to quell the hunger inside of him. Not when there was another offer calling him, one of hot goat’s blood, spilled across the floor, the animal bleating and waiting for him to eat it.

The first call broke through into his consciousness while he was helping set up the tables for dinner. The next time was as they were taking photos, and it was another goat, and a sheep as well. Dipper’s mouth watered, and Mabel took a minute in between shots to discreetly (for her) give him a napkin to wipe golden drool from the corners of his mouth. And now, as they were rounding up people in order for Mabel and Henry to cut the cake, the same damn cult was summoning him again, this time with a whole cow.

He should answer, because if they were working their way up the food chain as it were, and kept calling them, it was only a matter of time before they offered a human sacrifice. He should answer them because they were giving him flesh and blood and it would be so fun to twist their petty desires, turn their wishes against them. He should answer because he was a demon, and that’s what demons did.

But every moment spent with his sister, his twin, was precious, so dear to him because he was all too aware how few of them he had compared to the eternity that stretched ahead of him. And today was Mabel’s wedding. And he wasn’t just a demon, wasn’t just Alcor the Dreambender, wasn’t just a mindless slave to his baser instincts. He was Dipper Pines. He was a brother, a nephew, a son. And today his sister and his best friend got married and how dare, h̨̫̰̗̤̯̞o̯̯͢ͅw͏̟̤̪̪͎̞ ̻d̪̮͞a͖̹̼̤͎͈r̩̻e̬̦͙͔̲̻̱͜ ̫̞an͙̩͙͈̞y͔on͕̰̜̬e̱̝̜̳̬̘ͅ even t̸̬ḥ̹̮̯i͎͓̝n̗̘ͅk͇͍̙ ̤̣̘a̫̖͕͇b̝̩̤̲̱o͕u͔t̳̝̰͢ ̛̜̝͎̼̮͇t̪̣̭a͚͕̤̣͈͉̣k̦͕͖i͎͎̗̼̖̬̯n͘g̻̘̟ͅ h̙̯̭̖i̸̖̺̠̱̭͓̜m͡ ̬͕̠͚̭͚ͅa͏̯̙̼w̶͕͉̰̞͇̩a̴͕͉̯͖̲y̙̺͙. Absently, he knew the shadows around him were stretching and dancing, that his mouth had opened to fully expose fangs to air and to scent for prey, that claws had broken through his gloves and he could smell the fear starting to rise and he didn’t care and-

A hand tapped him on the shoulder.

Dipper whirled around, snarling, to see Henry there, utterly fearless in the onslaught of Dipper’s might.

“Dip, if you need to go take care of something, go ahead. We will wait for you. I promise.” Henry gently boffed Dipper on the shoulder. “Just calm down okay? You’re scaring our guests.”

Henry gave him another pat on the shoulder and wandered off, leaving a bewildered Dipper behind him. And a lot of guests who had come for Mabel mainly and had been wondering about this Henry guy who suddenly got it.

---

It was three in the morning and the party was still going. It was a damn good thing, Henry thought, that the Shack was off a country road and in the middle of the woods. On the dance floor, Soos swayed in time with Melody, Stan with Soos’ Abuelita, and thirty five gnomes formed into one giant gnome with Multibear.

Henry had retreated to the swinging chair on the porch, to watch everyone and soak up the good feelings. A minute later, Mabel joined him. He put his arm around her.

“Everything you wanted?” he asked.

Mabel nodded, nuzzling into his side.

“Mmm-hmm,” she said sleepily.

As suavely as he could, Henry asked, “Are you ready to go?”

Mabel looked up at him and smiled.

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Henry stood up and then knelt down to pick Mabel up in his arms with a small creak in his back and a little shriek from her. He carried her quietly to his truck, their suitcases in the back, and buckled her up in the seat. Within thirty seconds she was asleep.  Henry got into the driver’s seat, and turned his old truck on. For once, miracle of miracles, the engine turned over on the first time.

He looked at his bride, took one last look at the party, at his friends and family, then turned to the road before him.

Together, Henry and Mabel began to drive together towards the dawn.