Archive of Our Own ^beta

o.o.o.o

The running tally on his refrigerator door told him every morning and evening that it had been one week and five days since Erik had left to go on his business trip across the country; it felt like it had been longer. He needed only check his phone to know that it would be two weeks, four days, eight hours, thirty-five minutes, and twenty-one, twenty, nineteen… seconds until Erik came back to him. He checked with enough frequency to annoy most of the people who were around him on a regular basis. So, all he knew was that it would take what certainly felt like another lifetime before they could be in the same time zone, the same room, and the same bed.

He had only just realized how disrupted his life would become without the older man, only just realized how integral Erik was in his life. He felt his absence like how he imagined it felt to lose a limb. The expectation for him remained. There were times, numerous times, he still felt Erik’s presence and turned to speak with him, reached out to touch him, just turned to keep him in sight only to find empty space. His mind searched for a normality that was currently unavailable. Eating was no longer the same. His apartment seemed that much emptier, and sleep had become something elusive.

Christine had caught him accidentally dozing off several times during their weekly Thursday Happy Hour meet-ups.

“Happy hour!” she had exclaimed in disbelief, but even the glare directed at him was halfhearted at best. She just gave him a pat on the back and a stronger drink, one that had him passing out the second his head hit Erik’s pillow later that night. It had been less sleep and more blacking out, but it was still more than he was normally able to get since Erik’s departure.

He thought that despite the reduced hours of rest, he was managing well enough. He maintained his normal work hours, took catnaps on the couch upon returning home, and ate dinner when he woke. Then, he would doze while watching late night television. Infomercials blared in the background as he twisted and turned, trying to find a comfortable position on the suddenly too large bed.

Oftentimes, he would manage that sleep where it felt like he had been awake the entire time only to find out he had lost entire minutes and hours. It was that doze where the sound of his cellphone vibrating on the nightstand had his body reaching across the bed before his mind had even really woken. He answered it before it could ring, all the while patting the bed in search of the remote control.

“Hello?” he answered even though there was no doubt in his mind who had called him. He managed to hit the mute button before Erik replied.

“Hi.” A heavy sigh followed. “I’m sorry this was the only time I could call. I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up.”

Raoul curled up against the headboard and turned the TV off completely. In the darkness, he could close his eyes and picture Erik beside him. Clutching the phone to his ear, he laughed, trying to sound more happy than desperately relieved to hear his voice. “I told you already to call me whenever you can. Your schedule is busier than mine right now.” The din in the background momentarily became louder and the sound of people and music filtered through. That was all it took to hate every single individual he imagined to be there not only for being where he wanted to be, but also for ruining the illusion that Erik was just an arm’s distance away.

“Been busy?” he asked eventually, just wanting to hear him speak more.

Erik decided to ignore his question though. “You aren’t sleeping well.” It was both a statement and an accusation.

“I’m getting enough sleep,” Raoul replied slowly. “Why would you…?”

“Don’t lie to me.” There was no anger in his response, just a snappiness only there because he was worried. Erik’s worry always had a tendency to seem like annoyance, although most of the time it was actually a mix of both.

Raoul scoffed. “Christine talked to you.” And, he should not feel jealous if they did find time to talk, but he was tired and hurt and jealousy was surprisingly easy.

“She emailed me,” Erik explained, unfazed by his tone of voice. “She was worried about you and you never mentioned anything to me. You should have told me.”

“Oh.” Raoul calmed. He and Erik emailed and texted all the time as well. It was not the same as being able to hear his voice though. He replied blithely, trying to appease him, “The bed gets cold.”

Erik huffed a laugh, something those people around him would not recognize as a laugh, but something Raoul longed to hear again.

“Where are you exactly?” he asked. The background noise got louder again and Raoul could imagine Erik moving the phone to his other ear.

“There was a lull in the meeting with the gallery managers.”

“That’s a lull?” he asked, doubting his interpretation of the word. He had seen lulls in galleries and that was not the sound of one. If anything, Erik was simply ignoring everyone else, having sneaked off to a relatively quiet corner in order to make this phone call. Raoul could not help but smile.

“No one is missing me” was Erik’s only defense. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

Raoul slid down further onto the bed and rolled onto his side, pressing his face against Erik’s pillow. “Yeah, me too.” He sighed before saying, “A month is too long. You’re too popular. I…”

“Are you in bed?” Erik asked suddenly.

Raoul frowned. “Yes?”

Erik’s voice was quiet but so clear in the bedroom that Raoul could not mistake his tone of voice as anything but teasing. “Taking up all the space, too, I’m sure.”

Raoul glanced at the angle on which he laid. “Whatever. You know you like it when I use you as a pillow.”

Erik’s reply was more wistful honesty than teasing. “I do.”

There was a heavy moment of silence where Raoul wanted nothing more than to beg Erik to come home already, but instead he admitted, “I like hearing your heartbeat. There’s something calming about it, knowing that you’re there.”

There was a brief pause before Erik said, “I can never get enough of the smell of your overpriced shampoo or of the lazy way you run your hand up and down my side.”

Raoul’s free hand gripped the bed sheets tightly, jaw clenching before he could relax enough to reply, “I can never decide whether or not it’s disappointing you aren’t ticklish.”

“I don’t even mind that you drool sometimes,” Erik said and the teasing tone was back.

His response surprised a laugh out of Raoul. He did not bother trying to deny it; instead, he pointed out, “You’ve kicked me enough times that the only way to save myself from bruises is sleeping half on you.”

“Is that why you toss your leg over mine?” Erik sounded surprised.

Raoul smiled and found himself nodding. “Yeah.”

“You should have said something.”

“Why?” And Raoul finally did laugh albeit briefly. “I fixed it.”

“You did,” Erik agreed. He took a deep breath. “I like trailing my hand down your bare back, feeling every bump of your spine and the way your…”

Raoul was startled out of their conversation when someone called Erik’s name loud enough that he had to pull away from his phone.

“Erik!” Whoever called him again was not only loud but also very drunk. Erik must have placed a hand over his cellphone because their voices became muffled.

Raoul waited patiently, already knowing that this phone call was going to end. He hugged the pillow to himself and strained to hear just a little more of his voice.

Eventually, the loud drunk moved far enough away that Erik once again spoke to him, “Raoul?” The apology was clear in his voice.

“It’s okay. I understand you have to work,” he immediately answered, knowing he should not make this harder on Erik. Neither of them liked their current situation, but it was important for his business. “Have a good day okay?”

“I’ll try,” Erik said reluctantly. “Make sure you have a good night.” He followed with an order, “And sleep.”

“I’ll try,” he echoed and smiled, though there was little mirth in it. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Erik stayed on the phone longer, and neither minded the silence as long as they knew the other was still there. “I’ll call again when I can.”

“You better,” Raoul shot back and waited once more until Erik was forced to hang up. Still clutching his cellphone, he reached behind him without looking and turned the TV back on. He needed some noise to fill the silence.

o.o.o.o

End ficlet

A/N: Don’t forget to R/R (Read and Review)!
Fic Review: I think of this as the one where they do phone sex so very wrong. ;3 j/k But, overall, I’m not pleased with it. I feel like time would make this better, but that’s not the purpose of this exercise now is it? Less fluffy though. At least they didn’t devolve into “No, you hang up.” “No, you.” I actually really hate that and immediately think, I’m going to slap that phone off your ear and hang up for you. (I’m not a nice person.)