Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Are you out of your mind?”

            Dick smiled. He couldn’t help it. The way Barbara’s nose scrunched up when she was annoyed was incredibly cute, and right now, standing on her front stoop with her arms crossed as she stared him down…well.

            “I brought you a helmet!” he answered, tossing her the green and purple helmet he had picked out especially for her.

            She caught it easily, moving down to stand next to him, her eyes moving over his motorcycle with apprehension.

            “My dad will kill me if he sees me on this thing,” she whispered. Dick’s smile widened. She had yet to say no – which meant she was one hundred percent considering it.

            “C’mon Babs, you have your own bike,” he teased, pulling his black helmet off the back.

            “Barbara Gordon does not own a motorcycle,” she corrected, her fingers trailing along the leather seat. “And Dad is not going to find out about the fact that his sweet princess knows how to ride.”

            Dick laughed, knowing he had her. Barbara had taken to driving her bike like a bird took to the sky. Her complete unfiltered joy had been the best part about teaching her; her laughter burned into his mind as some of his best memories. Dick wasn’t sure he had ever seen her that free before and if he thought for one second he could have gotten away with bringing her bike out today too, he would have.

            “Let’s go,” he said, pulling her by the hand until they were on, helmets down, and her arms wrapped around his waist. As Dick kicked into gear, he had to admit there were some benefits to Babs refusing to ride in her non-caped life.

            He loved this. Dick loved the feeling of her pressed into him as he sped through the streets until he was in Gotham City proper. He did feel the tiniest bit guilty that he hadn’t made her grab something warmer to throw on – but he’d been distracted, and the way she slipped her cold hands under the hem of his coat was also pretty distracting.

            “You doing okay?” he asked, his voice carrying over into the comm system in her helmet.

            “You owe me coffee,” she sulked. “Where are we heading anyway?”

            “Bookstore I found.” Dick felt her hands tighten around him. He wished he could see her face, because he knew how Barbara felt about bookstores. But he couldn’t tell if this was excitement or I’m going to kill you. Before agreeing to head out with him this weekend, she had made him swear no less than six times that this was not a date. And he had, and it wasn’t. But Barbara was still his friend and she deserved to have good days too.

            Things had been rough in the city lately. Dick knew that Jim Gordon had been spending a lot more time at GCPD headquarters and that meant that when Babs wasn’t swinging out over the rooftops, she was home alone, buried in her schoolwork.

            “You’re going to love it,” he promised, bringing one hand down quickly to squeeze hers.

            “Of course I will. It’s a bookstore. I’m just trying to figure out how I’m going to get the books home because you wanted to bring your motorcycle.”

            Dick laughed happily, and if he took his next turn a just a little sharp so she’d grip him tighter – who could blame him, really? They hadn’t had time off together in a while and Dick was starting to wonder if Barbara remembered what it was like to be only a teenager. Because he knew he forgot sometimes. If he was focused, Barbara could be downright single minded. He knew her tells, could always see it when she packed each emotion away, one by one, and it always broke his heart that joy was usually the first casualty. If they were lucky, the bookshop today might just pull that out of her.

            “We’re here,” he said, slipping the bike in between two cars on the side of the road. They both pulled their helmets off, Dick locked his to the handlebars and reached a hand back to take Barbara’s from her. When they both had two feet on the sidewalk, Dick shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to her. “What? I know you’re cold,” he shrugged when she rolled her eyes at him.

            “Not a date.”

            “Not a date,” he agreed, still happy when she put it on, her whole body relaxing into its warmth. Dick found himself happier still when she let him take her hand. The fact that she didn’t pull away as they walked through the front door made his heart skip, but Dick knew he had to be careful. Barbara needed baby steps when it came to physical affection.

            The second they were fully inside, however, she did drop his hand, both of hers coming up to cover her mouth in awe. Worth it.

            The building was full of books. Everywhere you turned, stacks and piles and shelves were full. What it lacked in organization, it made up for in charm; colored fairy lights twinkled overhead, woven in and out of hanging lamps of various sizes and brightness. There were a few other customers milling around, admiring the books and the various local artist prints tacked up anywhere there wasn’t shelving.

            “They’re everywhere,” Barbara whispered, slowly turning to take in every direction.

            “Uh-huh.”

            “There are so many books.”

            “I know,” Dick laughed, moving forward to bump her out of the walkway. “Pick a direction, Babs.”

            “Right, right,” she nodded, practically launching herself towards the back of the store. Dick was pretty sure she’d been distracted by the giant model X-Wing hanging above the shelves there. It was like a beacon, calling her home. Very few people knew how much Barbara loved Star Wars, but Dick did. And the second he’d seen that hanging spaceship when he’d stumbled across this store one night on patrol, he knew he’d have to bring her here.

            “Dick, they’ve got a whole section of the legends books,” she gushed, fingers trailing over the spines. She pulled one of the books out to show him the cover, Han Solo Trilogy embossed on the cover, the Millennium Falcon sparkling.

            “Solo?” Dick smirked. “He’s the one that flies the Enterprise, right?”

            “Stop that. I’m telling Wally you’re doing it again.” She turned away from him, instead lavishing her attention on the books before her. Dick didn’t mind – it was why he’d brought her. He stood back watching, absorbed by her absolute elation as she browsed the titles. Barbara didn’t let herself get excited like this often, but when she did it was a sight to see.

            Occasionally, he’d catch her whispering things out loud, but she was lost in a world of rebel pilots and space wizards. He understood about half of what she was saying; despite how fun it was to tease her, Dick knew the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. The first time he had introduced Babs to Wally the two of them had launched into a two-hour debate over which was better.

            Dick was just about to offer to go grab them coffees from the shop around the corner when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck perk up. Someone was watching them. Still trying to act as naturally as possible he shifted closer to Barbara, brushing the back of his hand over her arm.

            “Eyes up. I think we’re being watched,” he whispered, leaning down to her ear.

            “Well, if it’s the tabloids again, having you this close won’t help,” she answered, without pulling away.

            She was right. Neither one of them had loved the Police Commissioner’s Daughter Chases Billionaire’s Boy headline the last time. The teasing at school had been relentless – and Barbara was always forced to carry the worst of it.

            He pulled away reluctantly, shoving his hands into his pockets. Trying not to make it too obvious, Dick started looking around, trusting Barbara was doing the same. He wanted to tell himself it was nothing – that he had been spending too many nights on patrol. But all hope of that was dashed when he caught Barbara’s body going rigid out of the corner of his eye.

            “Where?” he asked, trying to keep his voice low. When she didn’t move, Dick slid closer, reaching out his hand for hers. The tabloids could go to hell. “Babs?” Dick’s pulse began to race, the longer Barbara didn’t move, the more worried he got. Something was wrong, more than just Vicki Vale popping up.

            “Barbara?” When she still wouldn’t answer him, Dick’s mind kicked into overdrive. He had never seen her like this before and he knew what kinds of monsters they faced at night. Anyone who could make her freeze up like this…

            “Barbie? No way!” The voice sent chills down Dick’s spine. The only person he’d ever heard call Barbara that was Jason – and he was playful, a little snarky sure but not this. This was barbed wire with an electrical current. He turned, putting himself in between her and guy walking towards them.

            He was about Dick’s height, glasses, and hair the same shade as Barbara’s, but his skin was a haunted pale color. Even if he couldn’t feel Barbara starting to shake behind him, Dick would know that there was something wrong with this guy. The air around him seemed to crackle with danger and spite.

            “What do you want, Jamie?” Barbara asked, her voice was only just loud enough to be heard but cold and deadly to match the gleam in this Jamie’s eyes. Jamie – the pieces started to snap together in Dick’s mind as Barbara moved herself out from behind him, taking two steps away like she could shield him from this part of her life.

            “Is that anyway to greet your baby brother?” Jamie crooned, his voice syrupy sweet. “Who’s your friend?”

            “I said what do you want?”

            “James Gordon Jr.,” he said, ignoring her, and offering Dick his hand. “I’m Barbara’s little brother.”

            “Yeah, I got that,” Dick offered, his hands staying pinned to his side. It took everything in him not to push Barbara back behind him again. He knew she could fight her own battles, but he didn’t want her to have to – not this one. Not after everything Jamie had done to her growing up.

            In all the years they had known each other, stories of Barbara’s brother had only ever come in bits and pieces, violent memories she couldn’t shake, and usually only after she had tried to spend time with her mom. Dick had always listened, offering her whatever comfort she’d allow, slowly growing a hatred for a kid he had never met. Until now.

            “Well, I don’t know who you are,” Jamie said with a hiss, a smile twisting his face. “But you look like a dick.”

            “Nice guess,” Dick laughed humorlessly. The confusion that followed was almost worth it.

            “Jamie, this is Dick Grayson, Dick this is Jamie. We’re done now,” Barbara said, starting to move away, very clearly not turning her back on her brother. The younger boy apparently wasn’t ready to let them go. He stepped forward, his body in between Dick and Barbara, separating them.

            “Grayson…Grayson? Hmmm…where have I heard that name before?” Jamie asked, eyes traveling up and down over Dick’s body. Dick stood stone still under his cold stare. He knew he was being sized up and would have been lying if he said he wasn’t doing the same thing.

            “I’ve got it!” he said with a snap. “You’re Bruce Wayne’s charity case, right? The circus freak whose parents died.”

            Dick’s jaw tightened, his hands balled into fists. Without a doubt, he knew he could drop Jamie Gordon with a single punch, and was seriously considering it, before Babs’ fingers wrapped around his wrist, urging him towards her.

            “Well this has been great, but I’ve had enough.”

            “What’s your hurry, Barbie?” Jamie asked, turning his full attention on her. “Can’t I just be a part of your life?” Dick saw it on Jamie’s face when he realized Barbara was wearing his jacket. The corner of Jamie’s mouth twisted up in a crooked mockery of a smile. “Meet who you’re whoring yourself out to these days? Is Dad really this hard up for money?”

            Her fingers on his skin were the only thing that stopped Dick from lunging forward and finishing this meeting in a totally different way.

            “We’re done. Leave,” Barbara snarled. Dick could feel her nails digging into his arm. The chill of her stare would have made Mr. Freeze nervous, but it only seemed to egg her brother on more. He stepped closer.

            “Public space, Barbara,” he said, his hand shooting out to grab her bicep. “I can do whatever I want.”

            Dick had had enough. His body moved without asking his brain’s permission, until he had broken free of Barbara’s hold, and used his arm to knock Jamie’s hand from Barbara.

            “Don’t touch her,” he growled, his face inches from Jamie.

            “Ooohhh,” Jamie breathed, baring his teeth. “My sister’s got herself a white knight now, does she? And what are you going to do circus freak?”

             There were a lot of things Dick wanted to do. The possibilities spun through his mind in a frenzy, all of them ending with Jamie Gordon on the floor. Preferably unconscious. Probably bleeding.

            “Dick, don’t,” Barbara’s voice pulled him back, the steely edge replaced by exhaustion. “He isn’t worth it.”

            “That’s right, Dick,” Jamie teased. “You really shouldn’t put your hands all over both the commissioner’s children.”

            Dick stepped back like he’d been burned, his hands loosening, but not dropping completely. There wasn’t a single part of him that trusted this asshole to leave it to words alone.

            “Well, at least my big sister’s got you on a leash.” Dick knew he was being goaded as sure as he could feel Barbara starting to shake behind him. He turned into her, one arm holding her loosely against him. This was the most afraid he had ever seen her, maybe the most tired too.

            “Did you want anything?” he asked, nodding his heads to shelves she’d been so happily engrossed in only minutes earlier. Everything had been going so well before, and nothing else had worked, so Dick thought maybe ignoring Jamie would make him go away. He didn’t love having his back to the kid – but what was he going to do? Dick could easily take a hit or two if it came to that.

            “I just want to go home,” Barbara sighed, her eyes glued to the floor.

            “Okay,” Dick whispered in return. He turned them both so that he could lead her out, his body acting as a barrier between her and her brother.

            “Have fun with my sister, freak show. But make sure you pay her enough. What is it? Couple hundred to su – ”

            Dick wanted to believe he was a better man – he did – but this had gone on long enough. He let his shoulder slam into Jamie’s as he walked by, his leg slipping in behind him to sweep the redhead. Lightening fast, Dick bent down to catch him by the shirt collar just before the back of his head could smash into the ground. With Jamie suspended a few inches from the ground Dick let go, trying not to smile.

            “Careful, Jamie. You’re going to hurt yourself if you’re not careful.”

            Barbara grabbed his hand and dragged him through the door before Jamie had a chance to say anything else. She didn’t stop when they got to his bike, but kept charging forward, her fingers squeezing his so hard it hurt.

            “Babs?” he asked, after they’d gone nearly four blocks and she showed no signs of slowing down.

            “What were you thinking?” she demanded, still moving, her fingers still laced through his. “Do you know what he could have done?”

            Dick thought about reminding her of who he was – who she was –but thought better of it. Her energy was frantic; Barbara Gordon wasn’t thinking with logic right now.

            “When he was five, my little brother pushed me down the stairs because I wouldn’t let him play with my teddy bear. He waited for me, told me I was a horrible sister, and then shoved me from behind. I broke my arm.”

            Dick knew the story. Knew the others just like it too. When she was thirteen she had gone to spend a weekend with her mother, only to come home early with a black eye and scratches all over her face. How once her brother had gotten a cellphone, he spent the first two weeks with it calling her at two in the morning, wrecking her nerves. And Dick knew, no matter what Jamie did, Barbara had never raised a hand against her little brother.

            “Listen, Babs, I’m sorry – but I’m not that sorry I did it,” he sighed, finally pulling her to a stop. Dick wrapped her in his arms, tucking her head beneath his chin. He ignored the feeling of her tears soaking into his t-shirt. She was one of the strongest people he knew and if she needed him to pretend she wasn’t crying, he would.

            Slowly, he walked them out of the middle of the sidewalk and pressed his back into one of the brick buildings surrounding them. He would hold her until she was ready – hold her forever if she’d only let him.

            “I’m okay,” she whispered, pulling away after a minute. Dick nodded, reaching over to pull the bandana out of his coat pocket and hand it to her. He knew better than to say anything as she scrubbed the smeared mascara from under her eyes. When she turned back to him, she was smiling, it was weak, but still a smile.

            “How do I look?” she asked, and Dick didn’t even need to think about the answer.

            “Perfect, as always,” he said, tucking her arm into his as he started them back towards the bike. “Where to, Babs?” The way she bit her lip while she thought made his heart swell.

            “Coffee still an option?”

            “Always,” he nodded, turning them in the right direction.

            “Hey, Dick?”

            “Yeah Babs?”

            “Thank you,” she said softly.

            He turned his head to look at her with an easy smile. “For what?”

            “For my not a date.” She smiled, her eyes not meeting his.

            “Anytime, Babs, always.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to the top of her head, happy as she leaned her weight against him. Today hadn’t been the perfect day he had planned, not by a long shot, but it had been real, and it had been with her. And for Dick, until she was ready, that would be enough.